#and she's not happy by that choice either

[elleloquently]

i honestly don't even really like to talk about tlou2 but something that will absolutely baffle me until the end of time is how many people romanticize the farm sequence and view it as happy. every time someone says the game should've ended there or that ellie threw away her whole life and she could've been happy etc etc etc, it really makes me realize how many people do lack literacy and the ability to read between the lines. because how are you seeing the farm scenes and not realizing how devastating it is?? it feels so empty and lifeless.

yes ellie laughed and they listen to music and dance but those are such small snippets. anyone with severe ptsd / mental trauma can be okay for a moment. but ellie was quite literally killing herself on that farm and absolutely would've ended up dead by her own hand (which is not a crazy assumption to make it is quite literally context clues)

like she’s always been skinny and lean but she’s even more thin on the farm?? she literally says she doesn’t eat or sleep?? and the panic attacks that she has?

also when ellie says “i’m not like you dina” and dina instantly snaps back with “you think this is easy for me?” like no that’s not what is being insinuated at all, but the fact of the matter is that dina is still able to function and cope in healthy ways and ellie is not. and the fact that dina doesn’t understand that kinda kills me. also telling ellie to “prove it” when she tells dina that she loves her is so fucked considering everything.

she would’ve died! i will stand by this forever, ellie would not have lived much longer. (confirmed btw in directors commentary, ellie was severely suicidal at this point. so not sure how everyone views the farm as her happy point.)

i don’t think ellie had an obligation to suffer in silence for the sake of what dina wanted.

i don’t blame dina for leaving obviously, that was the best choice for her and i don’t blame ellie for going either!! i think their relationship is very doomed, it was quite literally built on years of miscommunication and it only continues as they’re together.

i don’t blame ellie for leaving the farm whatsoever, she did not “fumble dina,” she didn’t throw away her life, she was barely functioning in the first place. if the game ended with ellie on the farm and the last thing we saw of her was her trying to play house while knowing how much she was suffering, that would’ve been so damn depressing. her leaving may not be the “morally good” choice but it was necessary considering her own mental state.

i think it’s also so important to remember the way in which joel died. she’s not just grieving and dealing with survivors guilt, she’s also living with the brutality of what she experienced. watching the person she loved the most get brutally tortured/beaten to death while she was held down and begging for it to stop?? and you guys expect her to just move on and deal with it so she can keep living on this isolated farm and play happy family??

and it’s not like ellie was fine until tommy showed up. she was already on the edge. the evidence is in her behavior, her journal, the clues around her house (the whiskey glass at her bedside) and her literal mannerisms.

this is very messy and disorganized i just don’t understand how many people STILL oversimplify the farm stuff or act as though everything was happy and good. every time someone says that ellie owed it to dina to stay, i lose a year off of my life.

basically a ramble instead of a proper analysis/breakdown bc i’m trying to focus my energy elsewhere but hopefully it makes enough sense to be understood

[goldenroutledge]

someday my prince will come

pairing ⤜ rafe cameron x fem!reader

word count ⤜ 3.7k

summary ⤜ fluff. in which you’ll never feel alone as long as you have rafe, and he’ll never feel alone as long as he has you.

warning(s) ⤜ wedding planning stress, toxic family members

a/n ⤜ inspired by ‘alone together’ - sabrina carpenter || masterlist

Expect the worst and you won’t be disappointed. That’s what you try to tell yourself, hoping it will wish away the cynicism surrounding what is supposed to be the happiest time in your life. Transactional relationships set the norm on Figure Eight for friends and foe alike. Everyone used anyone they could get their hands on, only leaving them for dead when the conditions were no longer suitable.

It should’ve been no surprise that people would be treating your upcoming marriage to Rafe that same way. As if it’s nothing but a transaction curated to mutually benefit yourself, Rafe, and your respective families. Truthfully, your relationship was anything but.

Years together proved that passion still burns between you, in a way that most can’t begin to dream of. Every look, every kiss and every touch holds that passion somewhere deep inside. There was no denying that you two have enough of it to last a lifetime and then some when Rafe got down on bended knee and asked you to spend your life with him. You love Rafe Cameron for all the right reasons and he loves you the same.

Your families and friends around you are fools to not acknowledge that, seemingly destined to have their own ways of projecting insecurities onto the both of you. Planning your wedding was something you imagined to be a magical time, selecting colors and florals that would paint a picture reminiscent of a fairytale. Expect the worst and you won’t be disappointed.

From the moment your perfectly cut diamond ring was noticeable on your left hand, some chose to take it as a personal invitation to assert their unwarranted advice. It started with your mother, divorced and remarried now more times than you care to keep track of. Her guidance hardly resembles the special experience between mother and daughter that planning a wedding usually brings. After one of your first meetings with your wedding planner, you’d come to regret asking your mother to accompany you.

“I just don’t see why he’s walking you down the aisle instead of me.”

“You mean my father? I didn’t think you’d have such an issue with it given you chose to marry and have a child with him.”

“And I chose to divorce the asshole, too.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with me, Mom. You both made your choices and I made mine. My father is going to be at my wedding whether you like it or not.”

“50 feet away from me at all times, I hope.” She speaks lowly, barely under her breath. You’d be burning with embarrassment right now if it weren’t for your wedding planner, ever attuned and able to spot an argument a mile away, who kindly left you and your mother to chat in private.

“Please, don’t worry about that. I’m sure he wants nothing to do with you either. The only difference is that he’s willing to tolerate you for the sake of my happiness.”

“This isn’t about happiness, Y/n. It’s about respect. Had I not raised you right, you wouldn’t be able to attract a man like Rafe in the first place. The least you could do is acknowledge your mother on your wedding day.”

“That’ll make for a beautiful toast at your next brunch with the ladies from the club. I’ll be sure to write that down.” You chide sarcastically, unable to hold back from rolling your eyes at her audaciousness. “It’s good to know that’s what you’re really excited about. Showboating to your friends that I found someone successful, not that I found someone I love.”

“Like it or not, it’s the truth. I’m not afraid to be honest with you unlike some people in your life.”

“What exactly is honest about guilt tripping me into letting you make all of my wedding decisions for me? For us! You’re lucky Rafe isn’t here or he would’ve thrown you out by now.”

“And risk our relationship just when we’re about to be in-laws? You’re ridiculous. I hope he knows the kind of dramatics he’s marrying into.”

“No kidding.”

“I’m not trying to be malicious, dear. I just want you to have your priorities straight.”

“Believe me, they are.”

“You can’t forget your family in the process, my darling. You can’t just leave me behind like I don’t exist because when this marriage is over you’ll realize that I’m not as crazy as you think. You’ll need me again one day.”

“When my marriage is over? This isn’t some fucking contract. We love each other.”

“There’s no need to get hysterical, Y/n. I told myself all the same things too. You’ll see.”

—

Your conversation with your mother left you disheartened at best, infuriated at worst. One look into Rafe’s eyes would have your worries melting away, but you can’t help the nagging feeling inside that’s telling you to say something. You know how much courage it took for him to open his heart to you in the way that he has. You know how much courage it’s taken for you to open your heart, too. You know how with each other it’s been so easy that neither of you really noticed how naturally your love has blossomed. When you fell for each other, there was nothing that could stop you.

That explains why this nagging feeling, that you assume is guilt, simply won’t go away. How can you imagine getting married to Rafe Cameron, the love of your life, and feel anything but unbridled joy. To give a big ‘fuck you’ to everyone doubting your relationship, you’d love nothing more than to proclaim your love for each other in front of a crowd. But in the many scenarios you’ve played in your head, none of them put you at ease.

There was no denying the deep trust that connects you, knowing that you can tell him whatever is on your mind. The worst thing you’ve ever done, the darkest thought you’ve ever had, he will stand by you through anything. And you would do the same for him. It’s why the idea of saying: ‘Hey, by the way, I don’t want a wedding’, is not something you can muster the courage for. Guilt begs you to tell him anyway, knowing how badly he would feel to know you’re suffering in silence like this.

Little do you know, Rafe is troubled in reconciling his own guilt. It’s not just your mother who wants to see the worst come of your relationship. Considering Rafe’s strained dynamic with his father, that should come as no surprise.

Cameron Development takes up most of Rafe’s time these days, leaving him and Ward to spend quite a lot of it together. Rafe prefers to keep their topics of discussion focused on the company. Their relationship works best that way, a transactional partnership between father and son that would benefit the Cameron legacy for generations.

But if it weren’t for Ward’s nagging, Rafe never would’ve ended up here at the Island Club having lunch with his father. He knows for a fact that it would’ve been time better spent with you, his future wife, desperate to feel the kiss of your lips or be able to exhale in your arms in the midst of a busy day.

Ward spends all of 5 minutes discussing some company stuff that could’ve easily been sent in an email drafted by his assistant before getting down to his real intentions. He always hides them behind the mask of a loving father.

“I lied about why I needed to speak with you today.”

Rafe scoffs, but always manages his expectations when it comes to Ward. “Imagine that.”

Ward chuckles, trying to play off his son’s jab as innocent sarcasm. “I wanted to talk to you about your soon-to-be marriage to Y/n.”

Rafe takes a gulp of his drink, already feeling slightly on edge and on guard at the mention of your life together. “What about it?”

“Have you two discussed a prenup?”

“Dad-” Rafe tries to interject, but to no avail. Ward’s already a step ahead of him.

“I know it’s only been a couple months into the engagement, but it’s never too early to have these conversations.”

“I don’t need to worry about having these conversations at all. And you definitely don’t need to be concerned with it either because I’m not asking her to sign a prenup. Simple as that.”

“Rafe, if there’s anything I’ve learned in my marriage to Rose-”

“Your marriage to Rose is a sham. And Y/n is nothing like her.”

“Y/n’s great.” Ward seemingly surrenders, in hopes to disarm Rafe while still getting his point across. “I’m not trying to suggest otherwise. I’m just saying that things happen in marriages and you need to be prepared. What do you think will happen to Cameron Development if she winds up with half in a divorce?”

“If we get divorced, it means that I’ve got bigger problems than potentially losing Cameron Development.” Rafe laments, finishing his drink. “Besides, she wouldn’t want it.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“I know her. For sure. Alright?” Rafe fires back, firm intent behind every word. “I know you have a hard time imagining what it’s like to be loved for something other than your money. And I’m sure you have a harder time imagining how she could love me without it. But you can save your fatherly advice, I’m gonna live my life with Y/n without any of your prenup bullshit.”

Rafe grabs his wallet from his pocket, throwing down several bills on the table that he doesn’t bother counting. All that’s on his mind right now is getting back home to you.

“Have a nice day, Dad.”

—

At this point in his life, Rafe has mastered the art of ignoring Ward Cameron. He’s come to accept that they’re simply a better duo in business than as father and son. The family he came from felt less like family when he fell in love with you. Now that you were about to be married, it was gonna be real. You would be each other’s family not only in spirit, but officially on paper. For the rest of your lives you would be where you always belonged; together.

Right now, Rafe can’t shake the feeling that his father is already preparing for everything to fall apart before you two have a chance to build anything more. Logically, he knows the concept of a prenup isn’t a stupid idea. But his father’s intentions for him have proven to be anything but pure. There’s always something in it for Ward.

Rafe loves you, and that means he’s ready to share his life with you, money be damned. Besides there’s nobody more deserving for him to spend it on, no matter how badly you insist that you don’t love him for the fine jewelry or the dates at expensive restaurants around the island. For him, that’s all the more reason why he commits to showing you a lifestyle that’s beyond comprehension.

He wants to tell you about the absolute bullshit his father brought him to lunch to talk about today but hesitates in mentioning it at all. In any other scenario you’d both laugh it off, but this was a special time for your relationship. It’s delicate, and deserves to be handled with care. Rafe wants nothing more than to protect you from anyone looking to tarnish it.

Rafe’s final straw strikes later that night while waiting for you to finish your skincare routine and join him in bed. His phone sounds with several text messages from Topper. His eyebrows furrow in curiosity, expression quickly turning sour as he reads the messages.

Clearly, after cutting lunch short, Ward was quick to enlist Topper Thornton into his agenda. Seeing the way he wears his heart on his sleeve, he’s an easy enough target to carry out something like this. Rafe scans the messages, catching the gist of it.

Something about ‘A prenup is just insurance, you might not need it! But you should be prepared anyway cause she could leave you at any time, bro’ and ‘Have you heard of the infidelity clause? I'm not saying she would, but you know what Sarah did to me, better be safe than sorry.’ Rafe’s frustration catches your attention when he curses something about ‘this motherfucker’ under his breath.

“Everything okay, baby?”

Rafe looks up to meet your eyes peeking outside the bathroom door. He gives you a reassuring smile, but you can tell that it doesn’t reach his eyes. Coupled with the fact that his energy has been off ever since he got home today, you can’t help but wonder what’s going through his mind.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s nothing, it’s just Topper bitching to me about the wedding. He doesn’t think he’ll find a date in time.” Rafe cringes at his white lie, but figures it’s better not to stress you out when you’re about to go to sleep. And it’s not completely untrue, Topper has expressed his concerns about finding a date ever since he found out about the engagement. At this point, it’s to be determined if he’s still invited.

You chuckle at the thought. “Our wedding date is 7 months away, surely that’s enough time.”

“Speaking of our wedding.” Rafe starts, which reminds you of the pit in your stomach. “How did it go with your mom today?”

“It was good.”

Rafe raises his eyebrows inquisitively, picking up on the uncertainty in your voice. Finishing your nighttime routine, you make your way to your shared bed. Rafe gets up to meet you halfway and to make sure you’re okay. He’ll be able to tell with just a glance.

“Okay, baby. You know as long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Your heart flutters and you smile at him, knowing in your heart that he truly means it. “I know.” You press a kiss to his cheek, wrapping your arms around his large frame. Being in his embrace drowns out any lingering thoughts of frustration. After all, you could choose to blame it on pure exhaustion clouding your mind. “Can you believe we’re getting married in seven months?”

Rafe beams at the thought. “No. Can’t even fathom what I’ve done in my life to deserve you in the first place.”

You shove his chest softly, the tips of your ears warming up at his words. “If anything, it’s the other way around.”

“Not sure about that one, baby.”

You sigh, full of contentment while being held in the secure hold of your fiance. Yet a part of you still feels resigned from the stresses of today. “Just ask my mother.”

You can feel Rafe’s muscles tense slightly before he pulls back to look at you. “What do you mean? I thought it went well today?” The gears are turning in his head as he anticipates your response. He’s always been great at picking up on the smallest of cues, be it the change in your tone or the look in your eyes.

“It could’ve been better. I mean you know her, she always has something negative to say about everything, she’s pretty much allergic to my happiness.” You chuckle softly, trying to deflect and keep the conversation from going where it’s headed.

Rafe is having none of it. “She doesn’t think we should get married?”

“Not without her involvement, ad nauseam. Everything I suggested, she had a better idea. She’s trying to guilt trip me into letting her walk me down the aisle instead of my dad. It was just her usual schtick, trying to control me any way she can, hoping she’ll get my attention by using our wedding to play her little mind games.”

“You don’t owe anything to her, not about this. Besides, security will take care of it if there’s any problems. I’m not gonna let anything ruin this for us.”

“I know.” You reassure him, running your hand up and down his arm. “It’s just a lot of tradition this, and family legacy that. She’s sucking the joy out of everything, like usual.” You mumble that last sentence, almost hoping Rafe didn’t hear it. “Not that I’m not excited to marry you. You know what I mean, right?”

Rafe nods, flashing back to the conversation he had with his father at lunch today. It’s almost uncanny to him how you two are often on the same page about everything. It’s comforting above all else. “Yeah, I do. I know exactly what you mean. I had lunch with my dad today, got a lot of the same bullshit.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I shut him down. I guess our parents are just hellbent on making sure we do things the same way they did.”

“As if we want to be anything like them?”

Rafe chuckles at your quip, relieved at how you two are able to make light of the stress your families have imposed on you. “As if.”

You both stand in silence for a few moments, enjoying the calm of being in your lover’s arms. The weight of your worries feel lighter now that you’ve shared them with Rafe, unfortunately knowing that they’ve made a home with you until the big day is over and done with. Hopefully you make it, if the stress doesn’t kill you first. If there’s anyone you’d have by your side through this, it’s Rafe. You can’t imagine enduring the hardships that life has to offer with anyone else. Then again, there are worse problems to have. Just seven more months.

“Did you ever see yourself here before? Getting married?” You ask Rafe.

“Not until I found you.” He charms, satisfied with the way you snuggle even closer to him. “How about you?”

“The same. Never thought I’d find the one until I found you. If I’m honest, that’s all I’m excited for, to just be husband and wife.”

“Y/n?” You hum in response, matching his curious tone. “Do you even want a wedding?”

You freeze, noticeably tensing the same way Rafe did some time ago. You knew the answer and had a feeling that he did too. It was painful to put into words. “I want to be married to you, Rafe. You know that right?”

“I know that, silly. I wanna be married to you too, clearly.” Rafe acknowledges, brushing his thumb over the engagement ring on your finger. “But a ceremony and a reception, the tradition. Do you want that?”

You can’t help but give him a knowing look, one that says damn, you’re good. But it’s also filled with a plea for understanding. “I could live without it, but our wedding will be beautiful, Rafe. I just want to make sure that it’s ours. I hope you don’t have the wrong idea, that I’m having second thoughts or anything because I-”

Rafe cuts off your ramble by kissing you, your face cupped in his hands delicately. He’s gentle, but reassuring. He needs you to remember that he knows you and he’ll never forget.

“Run away with me?” His eyes gaze into yours and there’s an intensity of love behind them that leaves you tearing up. “Our wedding will be beautiful, because it will be ours. Just you and me. We can still have the actual event, don’t think that I don’t dream of you walking down the aisle towards me. We can still have the party and the tall ass cake that you deserve. But having that doesn’t mean we can’t have what we want.”

Rafe’s never been more sure of himself as he watches a tear slip down your cheek, his thumb wiping it away before it can fall too far. You beam at him, and it’s your turn to kiss the man that you love. The man that you’re about to run away and elope with.

“Screw tradition, let’s get married.”

—

The sun sets in the distance, giving you and your husband the perfect view of your spot on the beach, taking turns at feeding each other bites of a miniature cake, coated in a silky white frosting to commemorate your marriage. It was Rafe’s surprise to you, having ordered it custom, and practically overnight, decorated with icing rosettes and your new titles, Mr. and Mrs., written beautifully in the center.

“Our families might kill us, you know.”

Rafe’s smile doesn’t budge, he’s convinced it might just be stuck on his face forever as long as he’s spending it with you. “I guess that means we’ll have to die together then, doesn’t it?”

“I guess it does.” You whisper, closing the distance to kiss your husband. You’ll never get sick of it. Golden rays from the setting sun surround you in glowing warmth, something you’ll feel in your heart from this day forward. The light catches your diamond ring perfectly and it winks at you with a sparkle, forever a reminder of the love you and Rafe share.

He pulls back, yet never too far as he holds your face in his hands. His cerulean eyes glimmer with a hope you only see when he’s looking back at you. “You don’t regret it? Not having the fairytale wedding?”

“This is my fairytale wedding. Just you, me, and a cake.” Rafe smiles, unable to imagine that this is his real life; unable to imagine that having him and him alone, is more than enough for you. There’s not a decision he’s been more sure of in his life than asking you to marry him. “Do you regret it? Marrying me without a prenup?”

Rafe scoffs lightheartedly. “You’ve already taken my heart so you might as well have the rest. Nothing else matters to me as long as you’re mine and I’m yours. I love you, remember? ‘Til death do us part.”

He holds out his pinky and you happily reciprocate the youthful gesture by locking your fingers together. “‘Til death do us part.”

Emotion overcomes you once more, pouring your heart into a kiss that’s as true as your promise to each other. You know he intends to keep his, and so do you. Daring to love each other through the pretty and the ugly, healing each other with a simple look or touch. You wouldn’t trade it for anything. If you don’t have each other, then you have nothing at all.

💌: reblogs & comments are always appreciated! thank you for reading <3

[abiatackerman]

Could I request something? My birthday is on January 28th and I would really love it if you could make a story with Levi x emotionless reader where she has a hard time expressing her feelings and is super insecure about her weight and thinks shes fat so she doesn't eat so she's actually thin (she has trauma which is why she thinks she's fat) and Levi hurts her really badly one day like with his words about her appearance/weight. So she stops talking to him and her friends and goes back to her emotionless ways and he feels really bad because he didn't mean to insult her about her weight and he has a huge crush on her. Angst and fluff please! Please make it long it would mean the world to me 😖❤️❤️ (could you tag me once the story is finished?)

Happy late birthday, sweetie!!! I hope you had a great time! And thanks for asking! Hope you'll love the story!

Where words cut deep

⚔️Levi Ackerman x Female Reader⚔️

⚠️Warning: Mentions of self hatred, mental abuse and slight angst⚠️

Canon universe! Captain Levi Ackerman x reader! Angst! Fluff! Angsty fluff! Angsty romance! 1.3k words!

Summary: Not that Levi ever wanted to hurt you, but his worries got the best of him. You were almost traumatised by his words and he is definitely not going to let everything stay that way....

Tags: @theremainsof @levisbrat25 @itsnathateasy @violentvaleska @anti-cupid @meowmewow7 @mikabella7 @satorella @sugacor3 @darkstarlight82 @hotcheetogirlluver

🩷If you wanna be tagged let me know🩷

✨Masterlist✨

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

The morning has started like any other. Training, cleaning, reports. You have gone through the motions as you always do—silent and existing rather than living. You barely speak unless necessary, and even then it is direct and devoid of any personal weight.

Levi has always been the one person who doesn't seem to mind. If anything, he prefers it that way. You aren't noisy. You aren't exhausting. And that's why he always liked you.... And that's why you liked him too.... But this morning, something feels off.

You look paler than usual, slower. Levi has even caught you rubbing your temple when you thought no one was looking, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why.

You weren't eating. Again.

And for some reason, it pissed him off. It always pisses him off. But since it's your life, your choice, he never actually interfered with your decisions and that's the reason why you liked him anyway. But he can't stop himself from interfering now, not when this sick insecurity of yours has started to become dangerous for you.

So when the squad gathered in the dining hall, Levi sits across from you, arms crossed watching as you quietly pick at the food on your plate without taking a single bite.

"Tch. Eat," he orders.

You barely look up. "I'm not hungry."

"You weren't hungry yesterday either," he talks immediately back, narrowing his eyes.

Petra, sitting beside you, glances between the two of you nervously. "Captain, maybe she's just not feeling well—"

"She'll feel a hell of a lot better if she actually eats something," Levi snaps. His voice is sharp, and the room grows tense. He can see the way you tense, your grip tightening around your fork.

Still, you say nothing.

Levi clicks his tongue, his frustration bubbling over. He doesn't understand. Why are you doing this to yourself? You aren't eating, you aren't sleeping properly even when you're a lot prettier than you think you are.

It is like you were fading in front of him, and he hates it.

"Stop being so damn stubborn," he mutters. And then... then.... he says it.

"What, you think skipping meals is gonna make you look better or something?"

The world tilts. The noise around you fades.For a second, you stop breathing.

You think of every time you've looked in the mirror and hated what you saw. Every time you've felt like too much, too heavy, too disgusting. Every time you've convinced yourself it was all in your head.

It wasn't just the insult... It was him. Levi. The one person you thought would never say something like that. Even when you knew he was bad with his words, you believed he wouldn't say anything this hurtful to anyone just to raise their insecurities more. He was the one person you always trusted, even when you didn't trust yourself.

That's why it hurts more.... Even when it was just a little insult.

Your heart clenches so painfully that it feels like it might collapse in on itself. Your breath catches in your throat, but you force yourself to stay still, to not react. You have spent years perfecting this, mastering the art of swallowing pain before it could betray you.

So you pick up your fork even when your fingers tremble.

And you eat.

Slowly. Deliberately. Without a word.......

The first bite is agony. It tastes like nothing, but it sits in your throat like a stone. The second is worse. The third barely makes it past your lips, but you force yourself to chew, to swallow, to keep going.

Levi says nothing. No one does.

Your hands shake. Tears cover your eyes but you force them not to fall and bite after bite, swallow after swallow, you keep eating.

By the time your plate is empty, your chest feels hollow. Your fingers ache from gripping your fork too tightly. You place it down carefully, your movements eerily calm.

"I hope I've managed to meet your expectations, captain" you manage to say somehow as you stand up and walk away.

Not running. Not storming out. Just leaving.

Empty.

"Captain," Petra whispers, disbelief in her voice. "Why would you say that…?"

Levi couldn't answer. He couldn't even move. His chest feels tight as realization slams into him.

He haven't just hurt you. He has destroyed your trust in him.

And the worst part? He didn't even mean it.

But you didn't know that and........

As expected you never spoke to him after that.

Levi has seen a lot of things in his life. Blood. Corpses. Destruction. But the way you have looked at him before walking away... like he had confirmed your worst fears, like he had been the final push over the edge... That was something he can't bear.

He had a bad feeling that just because of a misunderstanding he's gonna lose you and in the worst way possible. And....

It is driving him insane.

So after a week he finally decides to make a move....

It is late. The barracks are quiet, most of the squad are already asleep. Levi has been waiting for you to return from patrol, standing just outside the entrance. When you finally arrived, he steps in front of you, blocking your path.

"What's wrong with you?"

Your expression is blank, emotionless, as you stare at him. "Nothing, Captain."

Captain.... You haven't called him that in so long, it has always just been 'Levi' except for that day. Hearing it now feels like a knife to the gut.

"Don't pull that shit," he says with annoyance. "You know I'm not good with my words but I only want what is good for you." He exhales, trying to steady himself.

Apologies aren't his thing, but for you, he'll try.

"I fucked up and I regret what I said so stop giving me that damn stare. And stop ignoring me."

You look away from him, this is the best you can do for now.

"It's not your fault though," you say as you hug yourself, trying to warm yourself up in the cold night. "I always overreact, I'm always being dramatic-"

"Everyone has their own insecurities and you have yours." Levi says, stopping you. "I'm the shitty person for using the wrong words. I know I'm a horrible person when it comes to showing my feelings but I was worried. And that got the best of me."

"Worried?" You look back at him with disbelief. "For me? Why?"

"Are you shitting on me right now?" Levi asks you with pure annoyance. "You weren't sleeping brat! You weren't eating! You were turning pale and weak... It's like you were disappearing in front of me... Just like.... Her..."

Levi pauses and clicks his tongue as he moves away from you. You bite your lower lip as you realise about who he was talking about.....

His mother.

"I'm so sorry, Levi...." Your eyes tears up, "I-- didn't realise...."

"It's ok..." Levi mutters, sighing. "Just stop torturing yourself for god's sake. You're pretty just the way you are. And you'll be more healthy and strong if you eat... Maybe curvy too... I mean that's what women care about, right?"

"Yeah" Your face softens as you speak. "And I promise, I'll try to love myself a bit more, and this body... And will try to eat... Slowly."

Levi's face softens and suddenly without any warning he pats your head, ruffling your hair.

"Now you're behaving like a proper brat, woman! Also, let's go inside if you don't want to freeze."

You smile. "Yeah let's go...."

As you two walk together in the hallway of the survey corps hq you smile softly as you look up at Levi.

"Thank you. For pushing them away. The insecurities...."

He smiles back, a rare one, holding your cold hand, in an attempt to warm them up.

"Yeah... Anytime brat."

[roxan1930]

Kinda tempted to writ a what-if fic where in Silver Flames, when Nesta is given the "choice" to either get locked up in the HoW or being send to the human lands with the expectation to die there, she actually chooses the human lands, saying death would be better than surrounded by obnoxious hypocritical narcisists.

Feyre and Cassian would right away try to backtrack and just want to forced her to the HoW, only for Rhysand to be, "done" and just winnow her to the border and leave.

Back at the NC Feyre and Cassian would be pissed but Rhys just tells them he'll have eyes (not Azriel(he doesn't and hopes she'll just die and plans to pretend the pragnancy made him forget, even while also lying to Feyre about that)) on Nesta, along with some more manipulation and gaslighting till they just give in.

Nesta meanwhile tries to avoid being seen, but soon get's discovered and has to run from a mob, only to get saved by Lucien and Jurian.

They take her back to their manor where she's just in time to see Vassa transform from bird to woman.

She explains what happened and the BoE is disgusted with Feysand and their groupies and offer Nesta to stay with them and she accepts.

Slowly she gets better as she's treated by respect by the BoE and becomes friends with every member in some way (meeting sassy Lucien, mocking spoiled human lordling sons and daughters they grew up surrounded by with Vassa and talking about SMUT books, training with Jurian on her OWN CHOICE after watching him a few times and being offered to join, and all of them just being sarcastic and teasing each other.

They'd also discuss and ask her opinion on political matters( since, like many say, she was right away more suited and courtier than warrior)

When The IC finds out, first Cassian tries to get her back, only to be denied by Nesta and when he doesn't listen to her, get's send away by BoE.

He keeps coming around but keeps getting send away and Azriel starts spying and constantly reports moments where Nesta's happy and Cassian feels jealous of Lucien and Jurian, Feyre of Vassa for being sister-like with Nesta, and Elain of Vassa and also Nesta for being close to her mate.

Maybe have Eris coming over more often too and flirt with Nesta who flirts back, making Cassian worse.

At some point, Cassian get's told by Lucien he's a worthless matee who doesn't care about Nesta and will always easily put the IC over her, and Nesta confirms that while she likes (or liked?) him, he's not what she needs until he actually changes

She also, since she doesn't need to rely on the NC for protection, tears into Feyre for her I-always-did-everything-while-my-sisters-did-nothing attitude, mentioning all kinds of things she did that Feyre ignored and how she's become a selfish obnoxious hypocrite that flaunts money and laughs at those less fortunate.

Also at Elain for always sitting on her ass and being useless and trying to act like the victim after always having Nesta take care of her and protect her, yet turning her back on her as soon as she needed Elain to take care of her for once. Maybe also tear into her for being a bitch to Lucien and saying he deserves better than her.

In the end ereryone does get better but I don't know how yet.

[stawberri]

Sinners - heejake (+18)

Summary: just heejake fucking instead of attending their weekly mass.

gender: Smut, church boy, Delinquent, Degradation, BDSM, Knife Play, but there's no blood, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, ass eating, blowjob, Top Lee Heeseung (ENHYPEN), Bottom Sim Jaeyun | Jake (ENHYPEN), Face-Fucking, Troublemaker - Freeform

Ethan's family asked Jaeyun to take Ethan to the church in hopes of their son's change, but little did they know that Jaeyun hides something sinful beneath his angelic smile.

"Dad, what the actual fuck? I am not a kid for you to ask someone to look out for me!" Ethan shouted hysterically. Just the thought of someone guarding him irks him.

"I already told you that one more trouble and I'm gonna force you to change! I am a man of my words Ethan, and it's either you follow my orders or you'll end up with nothing on the streets." His Dad said sternly.

Ethan was left with no choice but to obey. He couldn't risk his great life. Also, it's just for 6 months, and after that, he could go back to making trouble again.

He flopped his body on his bed and closed his eyes. He's still annoyed from earlier, but there is a growing feeling of curiosity and excitement emerging in his chest.

"Who is that Jaeyun? And How is he supposed to help me? My parents are fucking crazy for thinking that a mere boy could change me to something better."

The next day came by so fast. Ethan was getting ready for Sunday's morning mass. There is a wrinkle in between his eyebrows as his hands harshly fix his necktie. He is wearing a powder blue button-down which is very unusual in his everyday outfit, which is any dark oversize tee and black ripped jeans.

"I look like a… good boy." He muttered as he grimaced at himself. He is not used to seeing himself like this: hair neatly brushed up, clothes well-ironed, and no excessive accessories hanging on his body.

He went down, and as he steps his foot towards their living room, the voices get louder and clearer. Ethan caught everyone's attention inside the room, including the pretty boy standing in front of their ancestral piano, which was owned by his late late late late late late grandfather.

"Oh My, Son! You looked good!" His mom said proudly; happiness danced in her orbs as she scanned her eyes on his only son.

"Ethan," his Dad called, "–this is Jaeyun, Jaeyun this is my son Ethan." His Dad pushed him gently towards Jaeyun, and Ethan couldn't help but be starstruck.

He never saw someone– particularly a guy– this pretty. Jaeyun is the total opposite of the normal Ethan; his whole being screams purity and decency– far from Ethan's impurity. His eyes scanned Jaeyun's divine features, from those dainty eyes that seemed to sparkle like those animated characters he watches online; those apple cheeks that are dusted with pinkish hues, and those saccharine smiles that took Ethan's breath away.

"Hello, my name's Jaeyun and I'll be your acquaintance for 6 months." even his voice is laced with purity. It is so endearing to Ethan's ears that he couldn't help but gape at the pretty boy standing timidly, arms tucked behind his back, in front of him as he gives Ethan the sweetest smile he has seen in his entire life.

"Enough with the introduction! You two will know more about each other in those six months. You guys can't miss the mass." his mother interrupted.

Ethan's parents guided the two to the door, his Dad whispering to his ears to drive slowly, and his Mom reminding him to act right and be kind to Jaeyun. Ethan only nodded to his parents' words as his mind was still clouded with Jaeyun's ethereal beauty.

"Ethan, listen to the priest's sermon."

"Yeah, Mom…" Ethan answered, his eyes rolling a bit.

The two hopped in the car. Jaeyun sat on the shotgun seat while Ethan sat in the driver's seat. None of them said something on the whole ride; they were just painfully silent throughout their way to the church. Jaeyun's fiddling his fingers as he waits for Ethan to park the car properly. He didn't waste a second getting out of the car once it was settled on the space because the tension inside was too much that he felt suffocated.

They sat in the backmost part of the church as to Ethan's request. He couldn't fathom sitting near the priest and the altar. Ethan was obviously ignorant the whole ceremony, contrasting with Jaeyun, who seems to know everything about the church.

Ethan sighed in relief when the mass ended. The both of them decided to wait till the waves of people who attended the ceremony abated. The growing tension between them once again suffocates Jaeyun, like a clamp squeezing his airway.

"The mass ended earlier than usual, we can have a cup of tea in my apartment if you want to," Jaeyun said hesitantly, afraid that Ethan would reject him, as they made their way towards the car.

"Sounds good," Ethan answered, which got Jaeyun's knees weak.

They arrived at Jaeyun's apartment after 40 minutes since Ethan doesn't know the way and he is driving very slowly. Jaeyun led Ethan to his living room and made the older sit on his two-seater couch as he prepared their tea.

The entire room was silent and the only sound that could be heard was the Black Oolong tea gushing out of the white teapot's nozzle. Before sitting beside Ethan, Jaeyun switched on his TV to lessen the awkwardness spreading around the four-cornered room. Because of their proximity, Jaeyun's captivating scent brushes his nostrils.

Even his smell is divine. Jaeyun smells like a whole-ass garden filled with fragrant flowers.

Ethan's lips slowly formed a smirk when he noticed Jaeyun's sideway glances. He had heeded the stolen gazes Jaeyun was giving him earlier, but he disregarded it. But it's piercing his soul, so, to confirm his assumptions, Ethan manspreaded and elevated his hips, showing the prominent bulge on his crotch (not because he's already hard, but because there is a monster hiding underneath the thin fabric of his pants). He let out an amused chuckle that caught Jaeyun's attention when he saw how Jaeyun's adam's apple bobbed up and down as he watched Ethan's move earlier.

He placed the tea cup on the table in front of them, creating a thud sound when the ceramic bottom of the cup met the wooden table.

"I can see you glancing, Jaeyunie, is there any problem?"

Jaeyunie… Jaeyunie… Jaeyunie

The nickname made his mind whirl. His breathing staggered as he noticed the playfulness laced in Ethan's voice.

He gets it. Jaeyun gets it.

And within a blink, Jaeyun switched into something– someone– that regaled Ethan.

Gone is the innocence in his eyes. Gone is the gentleness in his voice. Gone is the purity in his smile.

Everything about him is now entwined with sinfulness.

"You did so well earlier, Hyung. You listened obediently to the priest and I wanna make you feel good as my reward. D'you want that?" Jaeyun seductively said as he slowly crawled down towards the gap of Ethan's thighs.

Ethan was surprised. Who would've thought that the renowned angel in their town hides something filthy.

"Mhm. Let's see how good my reward is." After Ethan said that, Jaeyun scrambled in his place as he eagerly unbuckled Ethan's belt. His fingers held the waistband of Ethan's pants and boxers and pulled it down. His jaw fell as the long, girthy, and veiny cock of Ethan was displayed right in front of his eyes.

"Are you gonna suck it or– ugh." Ethan groaned midway as Jaeyun licked his rosy tip. His neck slacked on the headrest of the couch as Jaeyun continued playing the slit on his shaft.

He fondled his balls like those mushy toys you can buy in the market, along with the long strokes of his tongue on Ethan's cock. He is teasing the older with his warm tiny tongue, lips slightly tracing the thin skin. There is a sly smile on his face as he watches Ethan lose his mind. His eyes lingered on the vein on Ethan's slender neck as the older tried hard to control himself.

Jaeyun let out a gagging noise when Ethan pushed his cock all the way in his mouth, the tip poking the back of his throat. It was painful, but it's the kind of pain that Jaeyun would surrender again and again to. Ethan didn't let Jaeyun recover from the sudden push and just fucked the younger's mouth to his content, until there is white spurts of cum drizzling Jaeyun's throat.

"Fuck…" Ethan mutters along with an amused chuckle as he watches Jaeyun swallow every drop of his cum, not letting anything go into waste. "You did so good too, Angel. Do you perhaps want a reward too?"

And like an eager dog wanting to have a treat, he nodded his head hastily.

"Bend over the table, Angel." Jaeyun immediately followed and positioned half of his body above the wooden table as he perched his ass high up.

"Oh!" Jaeyun moaned when Ethan slapped his ass, red marks immediately appeared on his delicate skin.

Jaeyun dreamt about this every night for so long. He would play with himself all night, dreaming that it was Ethan giving him the pleasure; That it was his cock drilling his hole; not the pink dildo he bought in their neighboring city; that it was Ethan's mouth engulfing his pink bud and cock, that it was his fingers stretching his rim. Jaeyun would always go nuts whenever he heard one of his schoolmates bragging about how good and inhumane Ethan fucks.

He wants to experience that too.

And finally, after months of torture, he is here bent down on his coffee table as Ethan eat his ass.

"Right there!" he grumbled when Ethan's digits hit his spot, that got his mind into a whirlpool. Ethan's eyes turned into slits as he watch Jaeyun's pink hole clenched his thick fingers. He is so warm and tight inside that he could feel his cock go hard again under his boxers.

That wasn't the end of their obscenity because it just got progressively worse as days passed by.

Just like now, instead of attending the mass like what they're supposed to do, they're here in Jaeyun's fluffy mattress instead. There are series of groans and moans coming out of Jaeyun's luscious lips as Ethan fuck his hole with his thick and long digits, while there are black leather straps looped all over Jaeyun's body, stopping the younger from moving and touching Ethan.

Even though Jaeyun isn't untarnished as what people think he is, he still feels guilty sometimes, but the guilt can't stop him when Ethan is like a blazing ball of fire and Jaeyun is a weak moth that is drawn to his heat.

He keeps succumbing to him.

Ethan is fucking his hole mercilessly making him moan in deep pleasure, but it's not enough. He feels full but not full enough. He wants Ethan to stretch his rim with his girthy shaft– but the older kept teasing him even though he asked– begged nicely.

His eyes fluttered open when he felt Ethan stand up on the bed. He wanted to protest, but he couldn't wait any longer. The man walked over to his pants and grabbed something inside. That thing seemed to glow under the dim light of Jaeyun's room, and his breath hitched when he saw what Ethan grabbed in his pants. His chest heaves up and down as another bolt of excitement and desire crawled in his mind and body.

He stayed silent as he laid pliant on his bed, patiently waiting for what Ethan will do next. But he is never ready for Ethan's schemes. Never. He let out a loud yelp when Ethan removed the leather coiled all over his body and slapped it multiple times on his scorching skin. Jaeyun’s body writhed underneath Ethan from the delicious pain. His jaw dropped open as a long-drawn-out moan escaped his throat when a cold, hard thing entered his slicked hole. Ethan was slowly thrusting it, waiting for Jaeyun's response, but when the younger continued to moan, Ethan did not hesitate anymore. Jaeyun watched as Ethan fucked his wet cavern with the handle of his stainless steel pocket knife. His eyes rolled at the back of his head when Ethan angled it up, hitting his sweet spot, abusing it again and again.

"W-Wanna… come– please!" Jaeyun gritted, tears streaming down his pink cheeks.

"What is it, angel? Tell me what you want me to do." Ethan smirked, still thrusting the knife into Jaeyun's hole.

"I want to come, E-Ethan. Please t-touch me… fuck me… h-hard." he managed to say along with the hard thrusts of the knife in him.

"The angel wants to be fucked so bad?" Ethan mockingly asked which Jaeyun answered with chants of Yes! Yes! Yes! "On your knees you needy, slutty bitch." Ethan growled.

As much as he wants to further tease the younger under him, he can feel his cock painfully twitching in anticipation.

Another moan came out of Jaeyun's throat as Ethan parted his cheeks to have a better view of his slicked pink hole, stretched and ready to accommodate Ethan's monster cock. Jaeyun shuddered under the older when he stroked his rim, applying pressure that got Jaeyun's mind numb. He is so sensitive from all the foreplay Ethan did to him that a slight touch from either his hole or cock could make him reach his climax already.

His head sunk between his shoulder blades when Ethan placed his cock on top of his hole, dragging it up and down, creating friction between their heated sex.

"Please, Ethan, fuck me," he begged, voice trembling from too much stimulation.

"Alright then, since you've asked nicely and you've been an obedient and patient slut for me."

Ethan slammed every inch of his cock in a blink into Jaeyun's hole, forcing a scream of pleasure out of the younger. Ethan sucked in a breath as he felt the warmth of Jaeyun's while the younger's a moaning mess from the feeling of fullness.

Jaeyun could feel himself reaching his climax, but before he could beg Ethan to let him reach his high, the younger blurted out something that literally made his visions turn white.

"You're so loud, Jaeyunie. Do you want your neighbors to know that their angel is getting a good fuck right now, Huh?"

He wanted to answer Ethan with a loud yes, but he couldn't form a sentence in his state. He is so fucked up that half of his body is laying flatly on his mattress. If not only because of Ethan's palm gripping the sides of his hips, the other half of his body would surely surrender too. Jaeyun's hole clenched Ethan when the older fastened his pace, drilling his hole with animalistic thrusts.

"You like that, angel? You like my cock hitting your spot repeatedly as I fuck your brains out?"

"Y-Yeah… h-harder please!" Jaeyun pants, beads of tears forming in his eyes.

Ethan withdraws his cock and changes their position so he can better see Jaeyun. He wasn't disappointed at the view served to him. Ethan mutters a low thank you (not audible enough for Jaeyun to hear) to his parents for bringing this beautiful man into his life.

"Go on… act like the fucking cockslut that you are." Ethan said as he watched Jaeyun lose his mind, tongue lolled out, spit dripping down his chin, and eyes crossed from too much pleasure.

Jaeyun looked through his long lashes and his skin burned at the sight of Ethan watching their bodies connect while his mouth is open as it retreats series of moans, his veiny hands gripping Jaeyun's milky thighs, and his chest heaving up and down. He doesn't slow down the drilling of his hips, abusing Jaeyun's spot. The younger couldn't do anything aside from moaning. His brain is so fucked up that all he could see is white, that all he could feel was the undying pleasure that Ethan is giving him. The older angled his hips up and hung Jaeyun's legs on his shoulder as he thrusted deeper so the both of them could feel the most pleasure from connecting their bodies.

Not long after, Jaeyun screamed Ethan's name as he came along with Ethan. The cum painting his insides made it more pleasurable for Jaeyun. He felt so full and stuffed that he didn't want Ethan to withdraw his cock.

This was one of the most intense orgasms both of them had.

"Holy shit. Angel, that was so good." were the last words Jaeyun heard before he passed out.

Because they never did it slow, always rough and fast, Ethan prepared ointments beforehand to treat Jaeyun's rim and wounds as the younger succumbed to deep slumber. Unlike earlier, he is moving so gently to not wake Jaeyun up. He's been so rough today and he doesn't want to interrupt his rest.

"Sleep well, Angel. You did so good today." Ethan whispered to the younger's ears as he cuddled the man tighter while peppering his temples with sweet kisses.

Taglist: @fancypeacepersona , @acousarah

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

The way they keep comparing the withholding of sex to these terrible things is mildly unsettling to me. Cause that's not the problem. For Kazuaki his desire has become this dirty thing, like a swamp. The friend today said it was hell. And last episode Sei said in a message to Kazuaki - "as partners, isn't refusing sex while living together essentially the same dynamic as someone who's usually kind but turns violent when drunk?" Granted he said that he might not be the best comparison, but still. Because I'm ace, I might see things differently but in Sei's case, to compare it to violence, first, it makes me wonder if he ever had sex before and also, how much pain he is in exactly? Cause to put it in those terms, yikes. But either way comparing to violence or hell or something dirty, all these people that are not having sex, aren't they all kinda living in a hell of their own making? In her case, she made a choice. And in Kazuaki's case, his silence is part of the problem. And in Sei's case, he knows he won't get any, but keeps putting himself in a position to be rejected and therefore to be in pain once again. Because as he said himself, he doesn't expect anything to change.

There's so much self inflicted misery that sex is becoming this dirty thing that they shouldn't even want or need, but at the same time because it's not being acknowledged it becomes this thing that takes more and more space and eventually something's gotta give, and even without that preview, it was obvious that an explosion of some kind was coming. It's gonna get messy, because these two have been close to a breaking point for a while now and by finding each other, they found comfort but also confirmation, which only exacerbated their own feelings about it all.

I'm really having a hard time seeing the end game here, cause only 3 episodes are left and I can't imagine how these two can have any type of ending, happy or not, in that time frame.

Also, just as a small note, because I feel like it might be relevant. In the scene where Kaori is talking about having sex with Kazuaki, she doesn't say 'masculine side' as the subs have it. She says specifically, that when she sees 'his male parts' it kills the mood. (thanks @colourme-feral for the help💚)

[putschki1969]

The "rito" Situation

Following my post about Hitoshi Konno, I thought it would only be fitting, to round up some info on rito as well, especially after the most recent announcement. When the detailed lineup for YKL Vol#21 was released, many people were not only shocked by Keiko's absence, they were also wondering why rito was not included. I received as many questions about her as I did for Hitoshi Konno but I didn't really feel qualified to talk about her (I still don't really but now we have a bit more information to work with). There's not much to say here and also, her connection to Kalafina (and Keiko's situation) is peripheral at best so I will keep this short.

Today, on January 31 2025, rito announced her departue from Highway Star. Her contract will officially end on March 31 and it seems like no attempts have been made by either rito or the agency to extend said contract. It sounds like it was mostly rito's own decision to distance herself from her current situation so that would also explain why she's no longer participing in YK events as regular member. Judging from her personal comment and Yuki's tweets on the matter (she has nothing but kind things to say about her), this is most likely a standard case of moving on due to a lack of creative opportunities. Perhaps she didn't find what she was looking for or she simply exhausted all possible avenues at Highway Star or maybe she had hoped to gain more from her collaboration with Yuki, who knows. Obviously, these have been some valuable experiences for her but now she is seeking new paths.

Even to a casual onlooker like myself it does feel like she kinda fell along the wayside during these past few years and not much was invested in her. As far as I know, she did have a couple of solo releases and a dedicated song from Yuki on the PARADE album but other than that, nothing much to write home about. Her appearances at lives and events were a great bonus of course but despite frequently being referred to as "regular member", both her and Lino Leia didn't have a lot to do. Maybe that's changing now with all the restructering taking place but sadly, rito will mostly likely not benefit from that. Yuki did include her in one of her "top secret" recordings from last year so we'll see if that will lead to anything at least. It's a shame she wasn't used more, I like her voice a lot more than Lino's tbh and it fits better with Yuki's style of music if you ask me...but one has to admit that Lino is the more seasoned singer among them with what appears to be a lot more experience handling her own solo stuff so my best guess is that she's quite happy with the current arrangement since she can effectively juggle all of her activities. In contrast, rito seems to have been a newbie with no established solo career. Also not sure about their exact age but I'd assume that rito is probably a bit younger than a lot of Yuki's other vocalists (could be completely off on that though, I've honestly no idea how old any of them are but rito just comes across as quite young).

Circling back to Kalafina for a little bit here. Just the other day I was having some discussions in the reply section of one of my posts and among other things, I was talking about why Hikaru (and even Keiko) would have never considered signing up with Highway Star during all these years. After all, Keiko could have just as well joined Highway Star instead of Tristone back in 2020 when she made her solo debut. And Hikaru has been a struggling freelancer for quite some time now so a contract with a seemingly decent agency (with the added bonus of an official Yuki Kajiura affiliation) would have sounded like a good idea to me. We don't know of course if it was entirely their choice or if Highway Star (and Yuki) were not willing to negotiate something with them. Whatever the reason might have been, now I am thinking it was maybe for the best that they never joined. Their management of rito was certainly not great.

[blazeshardcat]

one of the things that always gets me with merlin is how the show handles the concept of self-sacrifice/trust...

i think of the consequences of lancelot's sacrifice- it denied merlin the only friend that knew about his magic (gaius was more of a father figure), and i think that loss was one of the biggest factors in how sad and worn-down merlin gets in S4-5. it also denied gwen the chance to choose her partner, not to mention how lancelot decided to "sacrifice" his chances with her for arthur's sake well before his actual death.

there's balinor, who never went back for hunith. he had reasons to be concerned for her safety, but hunith knew the risks when she first housed him- wouldn't she want to know he was alive, even with the danger? it's another example of how this kind of emotional martyrdom denies their loved ones the choice to share their risks and burdens.

there's arthur. born into royalty, he was awarded many luxuries, but still denied the chance to safely choose whether or not he wanted to be king. so he makes the sacrifices leaders do, unable to make friends and love without the watchful eyes of the court & the constant threat of betrayal- after all, that's what kings do, right? in uther's words, a king must rule alone.

and of course, that leads us to merlin himself. he sacrificed everything for arthur- a chance for other magic-users to be free, a better position than a manservant, a home that wouldn't burn him for his gifts, and a million smaller pieces of joy he denied himself along the way. but what was it for? after everything, arthur still died, and it's unlikely magic returned either.

like all the other instances of self-sacrifice in this show, merlin had valid reasons- he loved arthur, and the prophecy gave him the purpose he'd been seeking his entire life, but he never confided about his magic due to incredibly real fears of execution or exile. so he chose to burn himself in silence, rather than risk arthur's feelings.

yet that's the thing about arthur- he doesn't destroy himself completely for the sake of camelot, doesn't follow uther's advice to he bone. he DOES learn to be better, to judge people based on their actions instead of labels, and to keep people he genuinely loves near him. i think arthur positively changes the most of anyone in the show, and it's largely because he actually opened up when merlin provided opportunities to do so. he didn't simply accept that a prince should suffer in silence, but learned to share his emotional burdens, which is why he got closer with many characters over time.

it's merlin that keeps himself closed off, locks everything away because he thinks it'll keep arthur safe & happy. it's the choices merlin makes at his most isolated that doom arthur in the end.

that's what i think the ending is trying to say.

to save someone, it's not enough to sacrifice yourself, to choose them over your well-being every time as it quietly kills you. because if you love someone enough to die for them, you should take a chance. do the scary work of being honest, and brave the uncertainty that follows. you've got a lot of good reasons for staying silent, but if they're worth dying for, they should get a say in it, too.

[lukeynewtssimp]

When Nic is out and about with her bf all I see from Lukolas is pure hate and disdain for them both. It’s only now that the man brought out his gf that suddenly everyone is okay with it. Does that seem like equal treatment to you? Where was your defense before this?

You’re happy and proud of him for finally claiming her but where is the happiness for Nic? I’m still talking about Lukolas in general.

Do you not see the people saying he’s finally with someone well matched with him? And when people said the same hateful things after premiere night because of that stunt where was the support for Nic? You think his choices didn’t affect her, whether it was intentional or not?

This side of the fandom is extremely male-centered and you just don’t want to admit it. I am still very much hoping to be proved wrong in the future.

Wow okay there is a lot to unpack here.

Let me start by saying that my blog is very new. I only started posting like a month or so ago so excuse me for my lack of defence back when Nic apparently “needed” it.

Neither of them “need” anybody to defend them lol. We don’t get brownie points for proving we are their number one fan. They literally have no fucking clue who I am and don’t care to find out either. I just use my platform to express my love for the people I am a fan of and the things I am passionate about and to express my frustration at things and behaviours that annoy me. That’s the point of having a personal blog.

idk how to make it any clearer. Like it’s literally in my username, yea I am a fan of Nicola too but I’m a bigger fan of Luke. We all have our faves so I don’t get why you’re so angry that Luke is mine.

Yes I see the very small number of people making comments like that about Antonia looking good next to Luke or whatever. I choose to ignore it because I have seen a very small number of these comments and me talking about it would only amplify these pathetic people’s voices. I obviously do not agree with this take. It is rooted in fatphobia and those people can say whatever they want but they do not speak for Luke or Nic.

Nic is not some self conscious young girl waiting for a man to notice how beautiful she is. The fact that you think Luke’s decisions about who he’s dating affected her, then you’re the problem. You’re the one painting Nicola as this desperate girl crying for attention. Nic is a confident and very sexy woman and she fucking owns it and knows it. She literally ruled 2024 and has gained so much popularity last year as she deserves. And you know what? Luke knows it too and that man, unlike what you and other people think, is not and was never ashamed to show that he’s attracted to her and finds her beautiful and sexy and smart and talented. He’s not the most talkative when it comes to that stuff, that man literally blushes at everything. But his actions speak louder than his words. Just because he is dating a woman who doesn’t look like Nic does not mean he does not find Nic attractive and it also does not mean he rejected Nic by doing so.

As @jenhack beautifully put in the comments: Nic is not bothered! She is busy talking to other SAG nominees and being lauded by her peers. She does not need to, or have to be defined by any man she is connected with.

Crazy Lukolas do not only hate on Jake and Nic but they also hate on Luke and Antonia. Have you seen all the nasty stuff they have called this poor girl?

Sorry this has been very long but I just need everybody to stop projecting their hurt feelings and traumas on Nicola and Luke PLEASE!

PS: the “you” is not just aimed at you specifically anon, but everybody who agrees with that discourse of Luke hurting Nic by dating another woman and taking her to the premieres that I am tired of hearing about. And let’s not forget Nic took Jake to that premiere too…

[t00tsmcgee]

Rook as a companion banter episode 5 : Taash

Banter written with my Rook in mind, read more about him here!

Part 1 (Neve) | Part 2 (Bellara) | Part 3 (Davrin) | Part 4 (Harding) | Part 5 (Taash) | Part 6 (Emmrich) | Part 7 (Lucanis) |

-

Taash: “Cal.” Cal: “Taash.” Taash: “You want food tonight?” Cal: “Ideally. What are we eating?” Taash: “Hearty chum. It’s fish stew.” Cal: “Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever had that. That'll be exciting!” Cal: "I liked that Hearty chum. You wanna do food again sometime?" Taash: "Sure. Your turn to cook though." Cal: "Sure. Nevarran flatbread with yogurt dip and candied sage leaves, how does that sound?" Taash: "Make it spicy." Cal: "Hmm.. maybe I can add some spices to the flatbread, sure." Cal: “Taash.” Taash: “Cal.” Cal: “You seem tense, around your mother.” Taash: “Yeah.” Cal: “I think she’s just trying to be supportive, in her own way.” Taash: “I know.” Taash: “So Cal, are you interested in dragons?” Cal: “Yeah. Who isn’t?” Taash: “Your death mage colleague.” Cal: “Oh, what? I’m so disappointed in him.” Taash: “Well, at least not all necromancers are boring.” Cal: “Will you tell me about them? Dragons, I mean. Not necromancers. I know about those.” Taash: “Uh, yeah. Of course!”

Taash: “So, blue and white scales, red markings, frost breath, no horns.” Cal: “Uhhh.. Mistral?” Taash: “Nope. Mistral has yellow markings.” Cal: “Damn. Come on, think...Oh! Kaltenzhan!” Taash: “Nice, you got it!”

Taash: “Wide horns, copper hide, green accent, firebreather.” Cal: “Sandy Howler?” Taash: “Nope, that has downturned horns.” Cal: “Then it’s an Abyssal.” Taash: “Yeah, nice! Getting better.”

Taash: “Curved horns like a ram, dark purple scales, orange markings, lightning breath.” Cal: “Gamordan Stormrider.” Taash: “Yes! Good job, got it in one go!”

Taash: “So what’s your favourite dragon?” Cal: “Hivernal. I love it’s colours, it’s flat head is kinda cute, too. That whole genus without horns is so unique. The Kaltenzhan, the hivernal, the mistral..” Taash: “You like the hornless dragons?” Cal: “I guess I identify with them being a little different.” Taash: “Huh. I guess I get that. My favourite is the Frostback.” Cal: “Good choice. Is it because their horns look like yours?” Taash: “Yeah. And they’re the biggest!”

Taash: “Cal. You ever struggle with your gender?” Cal: “Oh yeah, I grew up telling Vorgoth I was a boy. Transitioned when I was pretty young.” Taash: “So.. you understand struggling with your identity.” Cal: “Yeah. I still do, sometimes, even if I’m happy with myself now.” Taash: “Huh. You mind talking, later?” Cal: “Of course. But only if you bring snacks.” Taash: *chuckling* “Sure.”

Taash: “Cal?” Cal: “Yes Taash?” Taash: “What do you see when you look at me?” Cal: “I see confidence. I see power. I see a dragon who has been tied down all their life and now they long to spread their wings. And your cooking isn’t half bad either.” Taash: “...Thanks.”

Cal: “You know Taash, I think your mother was just trying to relate to your struggle when she compared it to- what did she say- ‘Qun Atok?’” Taash: “Aqun Athlok, yes.” Cal: “So what does it mean?” Taash: “It means to be born as one gender but live as another. Like you.” Cal: “Still a little one or the other, isn’t it?” Taash: “Right, that’s why it doesn’t quite apply to me. I’m neither. There’s no word for it.” Cal: “Well did you know certain mushroom species have over a thousand separate sexes? Maybe we can find a word with one of them.” Taash: “Huh. Yeah. Maybe.”

Taash: “So you like mushrooms huh?” Cal: “Yes! I love mushrooms. Both to eat and to learn about and study. In Nevarra, it’s common to be vegetarian, so mushrooms are used often as a substitute for meat.” Taash: “But you do eat meat.” Cal: “Yeah, I don’t identify as a vegetarian.” Taash: “Good, ‘cause tonight is Armada Special night.”

Taash: “I think you’re right, about my mother. She was trying to relate to my issue by drawing from something she knew. It just wasn’t what I wanted to hear from her at that moment.” Cal: “What did you want to hear?” Taash: “I accept you as you are. I love you as you are.” Cal: “I do.” Taash: “Thank you.”

Taash: “So, you banging Lucanis?” Calais: “Banging? Bit of a crude descriptor. We’re in love.” Taash: “Aww. What about Spite?” Calais: “He’s there too, usually.” Taash: “Kinky.” Calais: “He goes away if we ask.” Taash: “Do you ask?” Calais: “Sometimes."

Taash: “So, Lucanis. How big is he?” Calais: “Maker’s breath, I will not be telling you that.” Taash: “Alright. How big are you?” Calais: *chuckling* “5’5.” Taash: *laughing* “Perfectly average.”

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

Gently, Lucifer reached out to take Adams hand and held it. His chest felt tight, a heat of the moment during sex was taking its toll.

Lucifer: No, Adam you're a wonderful husband and I love you. Not all of your kids hate you, they love you. And Avery will love you. You gotta stop being so hard on yourself.

Adam: B-But

Lucifer: No buts, I'm sorry this has been so hard on you. I ...... I was just so excited to have a baby with you I didn't think about how you being pregnant would make you feel........ I should have talked to you longer than the two seconds we did.

He didn't think it would be that big a deal but it was, he jumped the gun on this.

Lucifer swallowed a lump: Do you love her? Do you even want her?

Adam: Yes! It's just fucking complicated, I'll be better once she's out but..... I can't be the mom she wants.....

Lucifer: So be the dad she needs. Give yourself some credit Adam. And..... If you don't want more kids after Avery I understand.

Adams eyes went wide: W-what? But, I thought you wanted-

Lucifer tugged him closer to him so he could hug him: I meant it. I really am okay with just Charlie and Avery. If being pregnant upsets you this much, I'm not going to subject you to it over and over.

It was a miracle that Lilith even carried Charlie to term and if Adam didn't want more? That was fine, it hurt a little but he had made peace with only having one kid long ago.

Lucifer: You didn't have a choice on Earth but you do here. And fuck Evan he's just a dick.

Adam snickered and hugged him back: I just want you to be happy with me.

Lucifer: I am happy with you. I love you so much it fucking hurts me. If you'd rather have pets over more kids that's fine, if you don't want either that's fine too. Your happiness matters too Adam.

Adam cried as they held each other, this was a lot for one day.

Lucifer: I'm sorry I said you have no friends........ You have friends and you don't even have to bother with those mothers if you don't want to.

Adam: It's just Angel and Cherri.......

Lucifer: And Husk, Charlie, and the guy at the convenience store that gives you free beef jerky.

Adam snorted and pulled away: He doesn't fucking count. I just use him to get free shit.

Lucifer: You're friends with most of the sins, save for Mammon.

Adam: Yeah, he's a joke.

Lucifer smiled: He is.

Adam: I'm sorry I called Charlie a fucktard.

Lucifer: Thank you........ Did you still want those plates and cups?

Adam: ....... Yeah.

Lucifer: Okay, I'll have them delivered. We can give Charlie the old ones.

Even if they are too expensive and fucking ugly.

Adam smiled: Thank you...... Can I peg you tonight?

Lucifer flushed, he let Adam do that once in a while it helped him feel like a man.

Lucifer: ...... Sure.

Anything for Adam.

I really need some FtM Adam feeling comfortable wearing a dress.

I'm having some gender issues, so I'm craving some trans!Adam.

Rp of sinner!trans!Adam??

Oh are you okay? We can do that! ☺️

-

Adam brushed off any little crumbs that were on his dress, it wasn't very often that he wore feminine clothes anymore since transitioning but something about a nice dress every once in a while made him feel so fucking hot.

Not to mention that it was just his color, Adam swore he was meant to be rich why else would be look so fucking amazing in gold?

He should probably finish getting ready, his husband was waiting on him downstairs.

Adam slipped on some gold heels and earrings before going down to meet Lucifer.

Lucifer: There you are I've been-...... Wow

Adam: Looks nice right?

Lucifer: You look gorgeous my dove.~

Adam blushed as he took his hand and kissed it.

Adam: Worth the Wait?

Lucifer: More than worth it. You'll put everyone to shame at that party. Kinda wish we didn't have to go now, so I could poke around up your skirt.~

Adam giggled: Luci!!

Ugh, his voice cracked that hadn't happened in a while. But that's how flattered he is! Cheeky man working him up.

Lucifer: What?~ There's always time in the limo.~

He took Adams hand and they got in the limo. Lucifer put up the tinted window divider so the driver couldn't see them. Adam laid back in the long seat, he bit his lip as his husband went up his dress and pulled his panties down before disappearing underneath to eat him out.

((Adams outfit))

[natasha-in-space]

Finished my rewatch of Madoka Magica + Rebellion, and God.... I am so not normal about Madohomu. The way their fates are inherently intertwined with each other, the way their actions directly influence what choices they end up making, the way they both sacrifice themselves for one another... They are in my brain constantly.

The fact that it's Homura's countless attempts at saving her and suffering for her sake, that gives Madoka the courage and motivation to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a God. Homura's sacrifice for Madoka's sake pushing her to do the same with no hesitation or fear. While she spent the entire series being too hesitant and scared to do the right thing, at least in her own perspective. But Homura gives her the resolve and strength to do what's right, no matter how scary it is. Madoka is not scared anymore, now that she knows how much terror Homura went through despite how scared and hurt she was. If Homura can do so much for her sake, she can do this for her in return.

The fact that it's Madoka's unknowing confession to how much that choice of sacrifice has cost her, that pushes Homura to reject God Madoka's wish. Homura is willing to bear any suffering, as long as her beloved Madoka is happy. She was suffering in silence for so long in this new world, having to live in a reality without Madoka as she knew her. With nothing but her memories to be her comfort and her curse. But she pushed herself to go on for Madoka. As she always did. It's only when she learns of Madoka's true feelings in her labyrinth, does she gain the resolve to rebell against it all. To reject it. To do what's right. To ensure Madoka's happiness.

All of the choices they made that moved the narrative along was... for each other. And it's so incredibly tragic, because every single action they took shows how much they do love and care for each other. Even in different timelines, with different memories, in different worlds. They are connected. But their love became their downfall.

Madoka sacrificed her own happiness and life to ensure that everyone else - especially Homura - gets the life of peace and happiness they deserve. But it's a life she cannot experience, nor remember in her god-hood. Homura ended up betraying the wishes of the one she loves, accepting the fact that Madoka will hate her one day. She's not happy in the world she created as a demon. But it's a world where she knows Madoka has everything she wants. And that's good enough for her.

CAN YOU TELL HOW INSANE I AM ABOUT THEM

Can't wait for the upcoming movie, my god

[dykedvonte]

Curly had two days to act and Swansea had two months.

I think it’s just interesting that every defense of Swansea not immediately acting are the same ones that are argued against for Curly. “He didn’t want to alert Daisuke or makes things worse for Anya either Jimmy!” I mean people also assume that about Curly and the crew. “He has to think about his plan of action and a right moment!” Again so did Curly, power and authority aside, he still would have to think of what he had to do. “He makes sure he doesn’t have to be around Jimmy!” So did Curly and they only do this to an extent, both give Jimmy more than a few opening to keep harassing Anya.

This isn’t defense of Curly nor a damnation of Swansea. Their actions are very parallel to each others in tragic and sour ways when it comes to how they approached helping Anya. In the grand scheme of it all they both did the same thing: Nothing. No action either took stopped the inevitable outcome of her death nor Jimmy’s continued damage to themself.

The only real difference is Swansea didn’t like Jimmy which is pretty substantial, but also just as damning as Curly knowing how bad Jimmy could get to an extent. He had even less of a reason to wait, even more of a reason to act seeing as he was now worried for Anya AND Daisuke. He is not bound by the possible procedure as Captain and actively does not care about what happens next. So what does it matter if he acted in the moment? Why did he wait? I think he’s just as morally complex and grey as Curly and we hold him on a pedestal that still perpetuates things in rape culture the game critiques.

It’s not just enough to dislike and be abrasive to predators/abusers like Jimmy. It’s not enough to just put yourself between them and the other person. It’s not enough to hold tensions when you know someone is vulnerable. He and Curly do the exact same things but on different sides of the coin. I ask how is it better to not turn a blind eye but still not really do anything about what you are seeing? Not until it affects you atleast…

The game makes a big point to not put men doing the bare minimum or who wait to do more on pedestals and I’m actually surprised so many are missing that point.

[starryluminary]

Dating sim where Noah’s the playable main character and the goal is to get with one of a wide variety of campers on the island (to his protest)

[problemswithbooks]

The 6 chapter epilogue moves to 'end' the Tododrama this chapter leaving a divided fandom...

For me I think that given the story the Todorokis have had up to this point it both makes sense and is the best we could have hoped for. I'm not one hundred percent happy with it, but I defiantly don't view as negatively as a lot of people seem to.

First off Touya dying makes sense and this is perhaps harsh but I hope he does. People theorizing that the mysterious Tenko like figure is Shigaraki and he will heal him and the rest of the LoV with his restored Overhaul powers is insane to me. With only four chapters left idk how that would even be covered or concluded, since even if they were healed they would all still be put in prison--it wouldn't erase the fact Touya killed 30 innocent people by his own omission. So, how Hori would cover that kind of plot in a cohesive way in four chapters is beyond me. It's pretty much people wanting a worse story because they want their favorite character to live.

Also, I'm a bit frustrated that yet again people are acting like Enji should die instead and making wild accusations based on nothing. Namely that Touya dying supposedly soonish negates Enji saying he'll watch him and his death will let him off the hook so to speak.

Enji has shown that he really loves Touya and feels immense guilt and rightful responsibility for how he treated him and his the rest of the family. Touya dying doesn't suddenly heal his permanently crippled body or give him back his Hero job. It will only make him feel worse. Also it's not as if once Touya is gone he'll ignore the rest of his family either. He still owes them as well, and will probably try to help them in whatever way he possibly can.

People acting as if Touya's death will free him or that afterwards he'll go on with his life completely happy and forgetting about him is just not in any way accurate to what we've seen of his character.

The other thing I've seen floating around is the idea that if Enji had been killed off during the first PLF War, Shoto would have saved Touya and the family would have been happy in the end. I don't think that's true. I will admit I'm bias because I like Enji and I'm not a fan of Touya, but given how Hori seems to have delt with the LoV and villains in general (unless he pulls a 180 and heals them last min) I think Touya was always meant to end up dying slowly in a hospital or get some other bittersweet ending.

BNHA is not grimdark by any means but it is not the idealistic manga of the past like Naruto. Hori punishes characters that make bad choices no matter how understandable or even shitty the choices they had were. Aoyama, despite helping defeat Afo, being a child and under the threat of death to him and his family, still drops out of UA because he feels he still has to earn his place there. Bakugou dies and his heart and hand will never be the same, while also having to deal with the guilt of Izuku loosing his Quirk (if that sticks). Enji, even though trying to change and atone for most of the Manga's run is still left permanently crippled, the job that meant everything to him, lost, his legacy gone.

For Touya who killed so many people without care, only to get back and his father. Who plotted to kill his little brother despite knowing he was abused. Not caring if his plans got his other innocent family members killed. After everything we've seen with other characters who did far less wrong and tried hard to amend those mistakes getting harsh consequences, I doubt it was ever the plan to have Touya sitting at the table with his family eating his favorite food with a smile, regardless of Enji being alive or not. To suggest that Hori only had Shoto fail because Hori needed Enji to be involved just isn't true. If Hori wanted to give Touya a happy ending he would have--many fans have already come up with how that could have happened even with Enji still alive.

The only criticism I agree with is Rei's ending. You can defiantly read how she wheels Enji around and answers his phone as them being back together or in the very least her becoming his caretaker. Now, That might not be the case--she could just doing those things because they were both going to see Touya and she's just helping him out that day, while they actually live separately, with Enji having a paid home assistant that couldn't or wouldn't go with him to see Touya (because of the stigma or visiting regulations). The issue is that we just don't know for sure and Rei has been shafted pretty badly.

That said, I wasn't expecting much from/for her anyway. I think getting a little blurb about what she was doing like Natsuo and Fuyumi did would have helped, but I sort of doubt Hori had any idea what to do with her character outside being Enji's abused wife and Shoto's mom. With him rushing to get these last chapters out I'm not shocked he just stuck her in the background, especially when Enji and Shoto as secondary characters needed the screen time.

[sysig]

They’re perfect for each other honestly (Patreon)