#and she was like “thats abuse. or at the very least neglect”

[coffee-keith]

.

[teaboot]

OH FUCK YALL THOUGHT I WAS *ARMED GUARD*????

BRUHHHHHHHH

I'm the lowest level licensed security you can hire

I work foot patrol for shit like wet cement, construction sites, malls, libraries, outreach centers, and local events

My job is, essentially, human scarecrow

I am not permitted to carry a gun.

I am not permitted to carry a taser.

I am not permitted to carry pepper spray.

I am not permitted to carry a baton

I am not permitted to carry a knife or any multitool containing a knife

I don't have a plate vest

I'm not permitted to make any physical contact outside of administering first aid or in self defense, which must be made in minimal force required to ensure personal safety

I escort employees to make bank deposits, ask aggressive or violent people to leave, and take notes on safety hazards in patrolled areas

If someone bleeds, throws up, or takes a dump somewhere they shouldn't, it's between me and the custodian to make sure nobody slips in it bay bee

It is none of my business if someone is doing drugs. If they aren't an active danger to themselves or others then they're golden

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

If you're selling drugs in clear view I will ask that you please do that elsewhere, ideally with more discretion. End of interaction

If you are using drugs in clear view I will tell you *exactly* where the property ends so you can smoke your bong 3 feet outside of that line where I can't do shit if someone complains. End of interaction

Site Security is not police. It is not LPO. Someone could point you out as you run off the site and say "I saw him shove a microwave down his pants and walk out" and it would be approximately none of my business.

THINGS THAT ARE MY BUSINESS

Overdose in the bathroom. I will verbally check twice that you are conscious, and if I get no response I will warn that I am coming in to check on you. If I find you on the ground I will again try to speak to you, warn that I am touching your shoulder, and give you a jiggle. If I can't wake you up I roll you into recovery and wait for paramedics.

Threatening or harassing staff. You cannot make passes at the highschooler operating the pretzel stand. You cannot tell the bank teller you'll "track him down eventually". The lady at the nail salon said she didn't want to marry you six times now and now I'm your problem

Abuse, endangerment, or neglect. If you leave your baby on the sidewalk so you can shop by yourself then I will be the jerk who ruins your day. If you hit your kid I will become very much your problem. If you locked your dog in the car with the windows rolled up six hours ago and it isn't getting up when I tap the window I'm gonna be the biggest pain in the ass you'll see all day

Safety hazards. Don't shoot off a bottle rocket in the parking lot. Yes it's very cool and you probably won't hit anything important but there's a pretty big empty lot like six blocks away man, what if you nail a kid or something. If you wanna take your bearded dragon to the food court, keep him in your coat or in a carrier. Climb the telephone pole on Tuesday because thats my day off

Client complaints/concerns. Boss says you've been here living in your car for three days and it's time to move on. You and I know it's been a month but between us if you switch locations every couple days around the lot she won't catch you again till at least May. As long as you don't leave a bunch of trash laying out we're good.

END NOTES

If you have tattoos on your face, throat, or hands and you wanna pull something you gotta be so incredibly discrete, is so incredibly easy for Law Enforcement to track you down you have no idea. I know like 3 guys with face tattoos in town, one of them's been my buddy since highschool and the other 2 were introduced to me like "watch out for a guy with a star on his cheek, his name is Patrick Sturblish, he's 43 years old and I saw him pocket a redbull once".

Always assume someone is operating the cameras live.

The courts are so insanely overwhelmed all the time, if you nab something small and vital like bandages, tampons, underwear, whatever and don't have a long list of priors usually even a cop won't bother trying to charge you. If I can't tell you not to steal for the consequences then at least don't get cocky about it

In my own experience if you walk into a big store and straight up tell someone "I don't want to steal but I need this very badly" then usually someone will find a way to get it to you

If someone tells me you're stealing on camera I will let you know that someone caught you and it's your last chance to put stuff back before they do something

If you pull a weapon on me or someone else while I'm working then I'm required to inform police so please don't do that thank you

[rotthepoet]

hiii,

as someone who only recently started poking their nose into this, help i am so confused T-T do you have like a slythering boys 101 or something i am so lost on them and their personalities q-q

- 🦆 anon (it/its) (<- if that‘s still free)

O H M Y G O D S

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME FOR A FULL RUN DOWN EHEHEHEHHWHEHE THANK YOU

okay so essentially the Slytherin boys consist of about 5-7 boys. Draco Malfoy(canon), Blaise Zabini(Canon), Theodore Nott(canon character, will explain), Mattheo Riddle(Fanmade), Lorenzo Berkshire(Fanmade), Tom Riddle(the third. Fanmade, not the dead one), and Regulus Black(Fanmade, again not the dead one)

You’ll typically see Draco, Blaise, Mattheo, Lorenzo, and Theodore being written about, but its not hard to find Tom Riddle and Regulus Black content either.

So like? Who are these people?? How did they come to be??

We already know Blaise and Draco, they frequent both the books and movies so i’m not going to spend a lot time talking about them.

Draco is just about canon Draco. I can’t think of anything that really changes about him in the fandom.

Blaise has a lot less book/screen time than Draco so a lot of people have taken it upon themselves to characterize him. I see him as a very posh, haughty, quiet person. I think he’s at least half Italian even if he doesnt speak the language, but that differs person to person.

Okay here’s where it gets a bit complicated so stay with me(if you need clarification on anything PLEASE feel free to dm me or send in another ask <3)

Theodore Nott

Mentioned in the books maybe twice, all we know is he’s a slytherin pureblood with some h e a v y ties to Voldemort. Because we have so little information on Theodore, all of it’s basically made up.

Basic information:

He’s fancasted as Lorenzo Zurzolo, and Theodore himself is Italian and completely fluent in the language. You’ll mostly see clips of him from the show Baby(netflix)

Most people agree that his mom is dead, but i’ve seen some fics where shes alive and just ill, and i’ve seen fics where shes alive and just absent. I characterize Theo as a total mamas boy, but again its up to the author.

His dad seems to be abusive or neglectful. Again, death eater dad who is pretty much besties with Voldemort. Daddy issues

I characterize him as best friends with Mattheo Riddle(explain later) because of their family ties, but they truly get along.

He’s an avid smoker with a pension for ciggies, but i’ve also seem him characterized a few times as the Hogwarts plug which i think is SO fun.

He’s this really quiet, observant, yet flirtatious character. He’s a ladies man but still a heart breaker. Everyone wants to sleep with Nott, and thats okay.

Mattheo Ridde

Mattheo comes from a draco x reader fanfic called Possesive by yasmineamaro. I think you can still find it on Wattpad. He’s completely fanmade.

Basic Information:

He’s fancasted by Benjamin Wadsworth, and you’ll mostly see clips of him from the show Deadly Class

He’s the son of Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange, and depending on if the author believes in Tom Riddle the Third, Mattheo is the second child.

Again, Avid smoker, also I see him as a heavy drinker. Type of guy to come into class reeking of pot and act like nothing happened.

Fights galore man. Imagine having the dark lord as your dad, no doubt he was fuckin traumatized as a child. Imagine Ominis Gaunt from Hogwarts Legacy, the Guants were FUCKED UP(Gaunts actually became the riddles so this tracks) and often used unforgivables on their own children for discipline. Cant imagine Voldemort wouldnt do the same.

He is angry, he is mean, he is actually really funny and sweet once you talk to him(can we tell i have a favorite?) but getting through that hard outer shell sucks.

Also depicted as a major playboy.

Tom Riddle(the Third)

Oh boy. No idea where he came from, and tbh I see him WAY less often than anyone else. Its really a 50/50 if the author follows him being… real.

Basic information

Okay i don’t really write for Tom so.. bear with me here.

He’s casted as… just Tom Riddle from the Movies. Its just him. I think Tom Riddle second actually got a new fancast but… i dont really care :P

Heir to the Dark Lord, oldest child(again, when he exists, so don’t be surprised to see single child Matty)

Really just copy/paste book tom riddle into a new, young character.

He’s scary asf, academic weapon, also a ladies man but will drop them IMMEDIATELY after he fucks em

Idk what else to say here tbh? Maybe someone else can explain Tom better 😫

Lorenzo Berkshire

No clue how this fucker came to be, I fucking HATE him. Fanmade and BITCHY. JK just got corrected he’s from a draco x oc on wattpad called Filthy by babynaomi

Basic Information:

Fancasted by Louis Partridge, you’ll most likely see clips from Enola Holmes.

Bastard son of Mr. Berkshire and Bellatrix Lestrange which relates him to the Riddles.

I see Lorenzo being this bestie little trio with Theo and Mattheo. But Matt and Theo are way more likely to hang out with eachother than alone with him.

Suppeeeeeeer bitchy. Someone had a DR scenario where he would fuck everygirl he could, write their name down in a little black book, and each girl was worth different points based on blood status.

This guy sucks fr.

Actually some people characterize him as really sweet and fluffy.

I am not one of those people.

Regulus Black

No ideas where this guy came from. He’s literally just dead regulus copy and pasted into an alive, younger regulus. Supposedly the child of Sirius Black and some random woman?

Basic Information

He’s fancasted as Timothee Chalamet, so is dead regulus, its really confusing.

I dont write for him. Really, I dont know what to tell you

I’ve seen him portrayed as an artist?? Erm… again, i really dont know

Sorry pookie 😫

But!! This is fanfiction! And you can make uo all your own information for these guys because theyre not real!! Thats like.. the essential run down i suppose?? If youre confused about anything just let me know 🥰 really, it looks all intimidating but these characters are super easy to understand. Try poking around tiktok for POVS, silly as they are(dont @ me i read them too😫) theyre really helpful for understanding personalities. I remember being super confused when i first found em too.

[omgwhatchloe]

many many things annoy me about homophobic rdr2 fanboys, and heres one of them:

you absolutely CANNOT ship arthur and charles (just two men, one of which was designed to be a romantical option for the other that never made it into the final cut, both of legal and morally right age, who have a much different, closer bond than other gang members, no toxicity around their relationship in the slighest, even a few actors from the game have said they like the ship) because what the fuck is wrong with you why would you EVER ship them?! and NO YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT SHIP HOSEA AND DUTCH (they have their own nicknames for each other, care for each other very very deeply, have been running together for years and years, held hands, described themselves as two dads with their own son) THEYRE JUST FRIENDS THATS DISGUSTING

oh but yeah, you can ship sadie and arthur (sadie is a grieving widow who clearly only shows attraction/admiration towards her late husband, sees him as the best man shes ever known, would never replace him and is overrun by her urge to avenge him) and you can also ship arthur and mary-beth (mary-beth is at least 10-15 years younger than him, the ship is morally wrong, he is protective over her like a little sister just like the other girls) and yeah you can ship molly and dutch too (molly is being emotionally abused by dutch, dutch actively flirts with others while neglecting her, drove her to extreme depression to the point she was suicidal and constantly felt trapped and isolated) BECUZ STRAIGHT IS GREAT GUYS!!!!! THEYRE NOT GAY GUYS EVEN THOUGH IT WAS VERY COMMON FOR OUTLAWS TO LOVE EACH OTHER NO MATTER THE GENDER BUT THAT JUST DIDNT EXIST IN THE GAME OKAY!!!!!

[until-another-one-comes]

Since we haven’t gotten a story mode yet, I’ve made up headcanons of at least 3 different versions of what Francis’s character is like in my head. They’ll change once the game’s updated in the future.

1) Average Joe Francis: Francis is just your basic white guy. Nothing remarkable about him. He just wants to live a normal life but gets really worn out by his job. All he wants is to do his work and get back to sleep. Doesn’t like to stand out, really simple but very shy and humble to everyone. He doesn’t have much confidence in himself and is pretty lonely. He may or may not have a normal upbringing or he could have a neglectful family. I headcanon that this version of Francis had a fling with Nacha because he was desperate for companionship but ended up getting her pregnant. He still pays for child support and cares for Nacha and Anastacha but gets very awkward around them.

2) Dead on the outside, dead on the inside: this Francis grew up in an abusive home that warped his perception of others and love in general. He was mistreated by everyone as a child that he developed some form of mental illness that kept him up all night. Francis became an empty shell of a person when he grew up and just works to survive. He’s not afraid to get bloody if anyone crosses him and it gives him a form of sick delight as the life fades from his victims eyes. If some housewife wants to have an affair with him (I.e Nacha), Francis wouldn’t have a problem with it not because he’s excited about wrecking a relationship, it’s because he’s got nothing better to do. Deep down, he believes he’s unlovable and that he screwed up all his life. If he does end up caring for someone, he will turn even more insane for them. He will do whatever it takes to make sure that person stays with him.

3) A true goth underneath: this is based off Yog Sothoth from the nightmare mode. I think the reason why Francis is a vampire is because of the inside joke that milkmen are known for home wrecking like vampires sucking away the blood and life force but that’s based on how the doorman sees him. Contrary to popular belief, this version of Francis prefers to not sleep with anyone at all. He just wants to do his job. Nacha might be an exception because I think they liked each other at one point but their relationship fell off because Francis was really moody and pessimistic. And since Yog Sothoth has a goth design to it, I feel like it can also reflect this Francis’s behaviour as a typical angsty brooding goth who hates life. This Francis loves dark places, loves sad music and writes poetry in his free time. In short, he’s a dark artistic soul /j

What do you think?

I love first one the most! Yeah, thats more or less my vision for him (except I have my own backstory for him and Nacha), just Some Guy tryna live his life while also going through his day with the threat of the doppelgangers. And tbh I think thats the most 'canon' way to see him.

Second one- I don't think Nacho-sama would make it canon, or at least not seriously, but again it is kind of sus that Francis's doppel and nightmare version is related to blood. Even though its fanservice I still see Yog being a vampire to allude the whole 'milkman are homewreckers' thing back in the 50s. But yeah I wouldn't be all that surprised if theres a twist of him being like that (especially since we already got confirmation that Afton has something going on, if one neighbor can be sus why not two. Or three. *Looks at Angus*)

HELP GOTH FRANCIS REAL?? LMAO I love that idea. RIP Francis you would have loved modern alt fashion.

(Sorry you didn't ask for this, but about Nacha- my backstory for them that I hope to write a fic for is that Nacha was married before her husband was a cheater. She had a one night stand with Francis (who didn't know she was married) and then left her husband once she realised she was pregnant. After giving birth to Anastacha they moved around a lot before finally settling into the current apartment. That just so happens to be where Francis lives)

[lizzyafton61787]

Im in love with your mind. Im scrolling through your acc rn and i need to know more about your opinions on fnaf

Youre totally right about elizabeth

I think henrys more at fault for lefty and sammy but thats bc i like the characters in this franchise to be a little shitty. Its boring if hes just a good dad, everyone in fnaf is a little bad thats what makes it good. But thats me and to each their own.

I love your art if you ever did like a timeline of what you think happened id love to see it

I’ve actually been thinking about a timeline or at least an after fire one for my AU

I think Elizabeth is a sad little neglected and abused girl who was very sweet and kind before death

After death I don’t think she is fully aware of what is going on so to call her cruel is wrong

I think that Henry isn’t a saint but people like to over vilify him and act like William and him are on the same level so I have grown defensive of the sad man

Because he is one of the most human characters out there and I don’t believe any of his actions were really wrong but rather the best of the cards he was handed if you know what I mean

Sure he could have done this that or whatever but sometimes life isn’t perfect and you have to improvise

I like Elizabeth and Henry and I defend them because they are both vilified far too much for simply existing and reacting to the situations they were thrown into BY WILLIAM

[goblinbugthing]

sorry to the person that sent this ask, i deleted it on accident

anygays.

someone on anon sent an ask saying “why do you want the white lady to be stereotypical?” in reference to this post where i said i reject the canon that she doesn’t care about any of the vessels, just seeing them as tools to seal the radiance and only experiencing shame in the fact that it was her eggs that were used to produce them.

lemme elaborate on what i meant by that.

(tl;dr at the bottom of the post)

(cw: mentions of child neglect + implied child abuse)

it’s not that i want the white lady to be the general fanon stereotype that she’s actually a loving mother to all her kids, including the fallen vessels in the abyss, i simply want her to treat holly like her child because thats what they are. they’re a living being who deserves all the love and more that they never got in their childhood because their parents thought they were effectively a lifeless creature.

now, i project onto them a lot. they’re my #1 blorbo and comfort character in hollow knight, so i give them the same needs i have and write other characters as providing to those needs. that includes parental love from the white lady, their mother.

in my aus, wl isnt a motherly figure to all the vessels — in fact, she’s actually kind of scared of most of them. she only really acts as a parent to holly, because she knows they’re alive and that they literally need it to stay that way. they call her mom, she calls them her child, and she’s grown really attached to them because of that.

wl didn’t initially view holly as her child — before their escape and rescue, to her, they were just another failure. just another impure vessel. she didn’t honestly care about what happened to them, at least not too much (they’re still her spawn, and she felt some guilt in seeing them this way, but she shoved it down and continued acting like everything was fine). but after the fact, holly themself said to her that they genuinely see her as their mother and want her to treat them as her child to make up for the decades of neglect they went through. hearing this, and knowing they’re a living being that literally just wants the love they were never given, and already having an innate desire to protect her young, she agrees to call them ‘child’ despite not fully seeing them like that.

after a while, though, she did start developing a genuine motherly love and connection to them. of course, at this point in time in my main au, holly is still very much trying to impress pk to avoid getting thrown into the abyss and dying (which he wouldn’t do, but they don’t know that), so they never call wl ‘mother’ around him, and they requested that she do the same for them (which she agreed to do bc she doesn’t want them getting hurt any more than they already have been).

tl;dr, im sad and need the comfort so i gave a lore reason for it to happen canonically in my aus.

(also, in twins of void, wl just always loved diligence. she knew right off the bat that they were alive and she decided “fuck it, they’re my child and i love them, the other one is pure they’ll be fine,” despite pk’s wishes for neither of them to form any unnecessary attachments in the case that purity wasn’t pure.)

(in reign of light, she doesn’t want anything to do with moon. something to do with them fusing with radi. more angst fuel for the angst au!)

(also, here’s rol and tov’s basic info post)

[angst-king]

Beware of Mr. Midoriya pt 2

(Here's part 2 guys, its pretty short but I hope you like it) Oh, that phone call with Kaachan was going to be interesting to say the least!

When Izuku got home, he waited till his kid ran off to their play room before texting Katsuki.

Izuku: Hey Kaachan, I’m home. You wont believe what happened!

Incoming video call from Kaachan

Izuku accepted the call and got comfortable on his bed.

“Hey nerd what the hell happened, how’s (Y/n)?” “(Y/n)’s okay now, I’m still mad” “Oh boy, what happened? Also the extra’s wanted to know what the hell happened for you to take off like that.” Izuku huffed when he saw the other pro heroes in the camera shot.

“So apparently a kid has been bullying (Y/n) for a while and every time (Y/n) would inform the teacher like I taught them to, the teacher wouldn’t do anything! And when i say bullying i don’t just mean some petty things. I mean taking their note book, hide it, ripe pages out, or other things. The teacher just said ‘handle it yourself!’” The more he explained the louder Midoriya was getting, waving his hands around with an annoyed look on his face.

“So what happened today?” Asked Ochako, thats when Midoriya’s mildly annoyed face turned to a look of rage.

“The kid went after my child again, my kid tried to get their book back only to be shoved, grabbed by the hair, and for their face to be smashed!” There was a collective gasp of shock and horror from the group, Katsuki told Deku to continue.

“So what happened next?”

“I got called to the office, and when i went in there the principal would not let me see (y/n). Refused to tell me what happened to them, if they were okay, and started victim-blaming them. Saying ‘they need to take accountability!’ Accountability my ass! I wasn’t going to sit there and listen to that BS, so i walked out only to find my precious lil angel curled up on the floor of the nurse's office bruised and bleeding and crying!”

Many ‘oh my god’s, ‘no fucking way!’ ‘Holy shit!’ and ‘oh hell no!’ were exclaimed from Katsuki’s side of the call. Katsuki’s face turned just as serious almost bordering upset. Katsuki was surprisingly very protective of kids even if they weren’t his. Not to mention he remembered how he treated Izuku, even though the green-haired pro hero forgave him, he still promised to better himself.

Hearing that someone was harassing Izuku’s kid set something off in him, though it was less rage and more hurt. He loved the lil one as if they were his own kid so it stung to hear this. Especially about the journal. He remembered destroying Deku’s journal.

“Oi nerd, I’ll buy the lil munchkin a new one.” Izuku paused for a moment to reply.

“I think (Y/n) would like that.” “good now go on, the hell did you do when you got there?”

“Well, I cleaned and bandaged (Y/n) up and then went off on that woman. I told her that accusing my child of something they didn’t do and victim-blaming them for self-defense is fucked up! That what happened was peer-on-peer abuse and neglect done by her faculty and abuse of power on her on end! And I told her to fix her goddamn policy or I’d bring her ass to fucking court!” Midoriya didn’t mean to be so loud with it but he found himself yelling again. Taking a deep breath he finished.

“She has until the end of the day to send an email to me that (Y/n) will not be punished, and what punishment the bully & teacher will receive. Then when my child goes back to school they should be expecting an apology from them all.”

Once again sighing he was met with looks of pure shock and mild fear. As if he’d switched to Deku he smiles at them and brushes his hair back.

“Sorry for yelling, you know I can’t stand when people do that stuff to children. I wasn’t too harsh was i?” How in the hell was he suddenly feeling apologetic!?

“Nerd! The hell are you apologizing for? You did what you had to do to protect the lil munchkin, that bitch is lucky you didn’t arrest her once you found (Y/N) on the floor.” “I forgot i could have her arrested to be honest” And he’s back to being a sweet ‘cinnamon roll’ Deku.

“Damn dude I would’ve been scared to be a bystander to that meeting” Commented Kaminari “Oh yeah I’d be too, sometimes i forget how scary you can be, especially when you’re angry!” “Mhm, that’s when Midoriya comes out! He’s all scary and serious.” “Oh come on guys I’m not that bad” Izuku pouted, Katsuki laughed a little at his statement.

“Nerd I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna mess with your child again after that!” “Good, they better not” Izuku said in his dark and serious voice.

[horizon-verizon]

At least, Cersei is the one to refuse to go public with their incestous relationship and isn’t out there proposing to marry Myrcella to Tommen, unlike Saint Jaime who call his sister ‘queen of whores’, treat her as his property, and victim-blame her (I tell you, he [Robert] loves me not/And whose fault is that, sweet sister ?), and never spare a thought for Tysha (or Bran for that matter), but thats normal, its because he’s a feminist and teenage girl-coded. No wonder he has some sympathy for Criston Cole, lmao. Do people genuinely believes Jaime is a victim of patriarchy and that his gender doesn’t favor him over Cersei ?? Insane. Can’t wait for him to die. It’s 2023, Jaime isn’t Adam and Cersei isn’t Eve, dude is a misogynistic, racist and hyperprivileged white man and his father’s golden boy. Funny how you all talk like Green/Criston’s stans when it comes to Cersei and Jaime.

*EDITED POST* (9/21/23)

Probably from this recent post that itself has 3 links to other posts where I talk about Cersei as a character.

Um...when did I ever either imply or directly say that Jaime was "a victim of patriarchy and that his gender doesn’t favor him over Cersei"? Or express that he was better than his sister, morally? Or express that Cersei deserved to die more than he did?

Perhaps you have that impression because I never talked about Jaime exclusively once, or you're just going off of what you recently read and horribly misinterpreted the purpose and argument of that post. If the latter, I advise you to reread. If the first, I don't write about Jaime much simply because he doesn't interest me as much as Cersei or Tyrion, no one asked me my thoughts about him, and I'm not thinking of him apart from his relationship with Cersei or Tyrion. His knighthood and masculinity are...not "easy", but direct enough for me to not dwell as much as his other siblings' issues. (look to this post by blankwhiteshield about Jaime) I generally care more about women, children, and other marginalized people in fiction, even when I do sympathize with some white cis straight men some of the time.

I mean pre-Brienne Jaime. That's just how GRRm wrote his arc.

For me, blankwhiteshield's posts about Jaime HERE and HERE both suffice to give me a picture of who Jaime is bc they fill in some blanks I had in my pre-existing assessment of Jaime. Which actually wasn't favorable, anon. I find Jaime to actually be very annoying, and no, I do not think that he is Cersei's victim. He is deluded in some ways as much as her and is not a good person because of the abuse and emotional neglect they all get from Tywin/Westerosi society. I actually should have, since again, there were blanks. You can take a look at those links as well.

Look, Cersei is evil & abusive AS WELL AS a victim of domestic abuse woman & of misogyny since childhood. These are not mutually exclusive nor does it NOT mean that her domestic abuse only and directly caused her power-hungriness and need to control if not every, most aspect of her life and those she sees will help her get or maintain control and a good image of herself. Neither the abuse nor misogyny against her erases the fact that she develops hatred towards women, going so far as to violently and sexually objectify them like w/Taena. (Her using what she's observed men do to affirm power and copying it). Or that she pinched her baby brother's penis at a very young age, showing her classist and blase willingness to target children/one of the most vulnerable groups for her own sense of control over her husband, family, etc., and political power. She is also very willing to sacrifice/risk the entire city for her own control of power, similar to Aerys II. Cersei is complicated and there is nuance to her character, but she is unmistakably evil simultaneously. What I like about her or what I find compelling about her (if you haven't read the post about it) is that I can understand her motivations, and relate in some ways, and from practically babyhood she's been trying to be essentially "good enough" and perfect through external, social values of competency BUT also as someone has said: her need for perfection and power and total love comes across as pure in its own sort of twisted way. Her emotions are so intense and uncontrolled and she remains totally unaware of her loneliness that she comes across as childlike.

I also find it very funny how you're criticizing show!Rhaenyra for wanting to marry Jace to Helaena (I presume, you don't specify but that is the closest betrothal to the one you make b/t Myrcella and Tommen) when you say: "At least, Cersei is the one to refuse to go public with their incestous relationship and isn’t out there proposing to marry Myrcella to Tommen". Because while this would have done nothing to assuage Alicent--which was what Rhaenyra was trying to do--it was also not that bad of a deal for Helaena or Jace themselves. I personally dislike it bc, again, we're erasing Rhaenyra's relationship w/Laena and how she ever made it so that Jace married Laena's daughter...but I digress. OR you probably were referring to Jaime expressing the desire to go public with their relationship, that conversation? Again, what does this have to do with my argument in the post I recently posted and that I assume you're responding to?

[selamat-linting]

so anyway, back to bitching again (i always bitch) yall know the women's group? the one i talked about? yeah so a little backstory first for the newcomers: this girl, she was a former member of a branch of my org. she was from another town. when she moved here, she's supposed to be helping my branch right? but no, she broke off with no warning, and started a women's group with her friends. thats the group im talking about. they focus on producing art / writing as a form of their resistance. with the occasional charity event in-between. its a very laid-back almost apolitical group. my girl plans to push her friends' left by meeting them on their own terms. doing resistance the way theyre comfortable with and hoping it would influence them to be radical.

suffice to say, it failed. my girl is kicked out of the group she founded, and when i offer her to go back here, she doesnt want to. claiming this town is too far gone for any meaningful resistance. my feelings on that loaded response is well documented on this blog but anyway. lets go to the present

this group is now doing another event, a talk show about mental health. now this would be good except the topic is this, "self diagnosis: valid or not" featuring a fucking psychiatrist.

i dont know, maybe because im a victim of (mild) medical neglect from a psychiatrist, and im firmly anti-psychiatry after seeing how lucky i got compared to my comrades with a more stigmatized disorder, but this is just wack to me. idc.

like, first of all, in what world that a discussion of whether self-dx is a special topic of discourse to be treated this way? girl look at the state of our healthcare system. look at how we lack a social safety net. look at how there's practically no help for abuse and bullying victims. we dont even have a homeless shelter in this town! look at how many mental health workers that still treats homosexuality as a disease or asks child abuse victims to forgive their parents. look at how the criminal system treats addicts!!! look at the prisons! by god look at the prisons!!! prison inmates are prime examples of men and women who is failed by the state over and over again and end up hurting and abusing everyone around them, fueling the cycle anew.

youre putting the cart between the horse, by discoursing about self diagnosis when you havent even talked about how bad society is falling apart and how inefficient and inaccessible the healthcare system is. and im not just talking about the money, i know treatment's free, but is it really treatment when you have to wait four hours every two weeks just to meet an out of touch doctor for five minutes who'd just tell you to forgive your abuser then dose you up with potentially addictive medications without telling you the side-effects or even listening to your concerns?

also wow, inviting a shrink for a self dx discussion. i would bet money their stance is that theyre against it because heyyy therapy is free and covered by national insurance uwu and its your personal responsibility xoxo. very neoliberal. i always suspect their politics is as progressive as a gay conservative since they decided not to make a post acknowledging pride month when they personally call themselves a feminist collective. how come a group of college-educated women could be this unserious? unprincipled? eugh. i expected better of them than the empty headed dumbfuck boys who made a metalcore concert for a day where at least a million people died by the hands of the state but turns out theyre just a different flavor of annoying and ignorant.

but i guess i have to act professional and nice around them since they did agree to help for the pro palestine campaign. i hate this fr fr!!!!!

[haganthegayidiot]

Ive always loved my mom

When she was kid, she lived with my grandma. Btw my Grandma is her own character. She treated my Mom pretty horribly.

For a synopsis, my Grandma is a pretty complicated person. But all people are pretty complicated you know? We all have those traumas that build our character. My grandma was one of like 7 kids, and her mom and dad where pretty absent. They lived on a farm as far as I’m aware. My grandma never told me exactly where she lived. She lived in a rural area, and had a pretty big complex about being perfect.

For example, shes always been big about weight. She always felt the need to compare herself and her body image to others.

She would comment on my Moms weight a lot.

It really effects her ya know? And she(I mean my Mom) projects that onto me sometimes. I just don’t think she really knows how much it effects her. She acknowledges that it does though, its not like she doesn’t know. I just don’t think she sees the extent of it.

Anyways, back to my Grandma, she was especially critical of the weights of famous women in her day.

I remember one time she told me that “she was thinner than Marylin Monroe” and felt very proud of that.

I think she wasn’t given enough attention as a child.

One of seven. A woman in the 60’s. She felt her body needed to be perfect. And she judged others because they weren’t “working hard enough” for it.

She felt that my Mom wasn’t working hard enough for it.

But it wasn’t just that. In a move that I would both consider super metal and attention seeking, she became apart of a circus act. Or at least a southern circus act.

She did tricks on horses, and she was incredible too. She would do flips and jump through flaming hoops, and thats where she met Dewie.

He was a really handsome man. Curly hair, brown eyes, sharp jawline. I think she told me that he did bull riding.

They fell in love, or at least she did.

She was faithful to him, he wasn’t, and soon enough, they married when she was about 16-17.

She was a teenager.

He was a drunk.

Apparently at first it was ok, he was a porn addict, and though my Grandma would never admit it, I think he forced her to do things she wasn’t ok with.

After awhile, he became abusive. Around that time, they had their first kid. My aunt.

The abuse got worse, the porn addiction was worse. They lived in a little trailer that Dewie built in old North Florida.

My Aunt still lives in that trailer to this day.

My Grandma, when she talked about him, always romanticized it. “He worked so hard for me” “He gave me a home to live in”, I don’t think she ever really saw it.

I just think my Grandma got used to it.

My mom was born soon after. She was the one that looked the most like Dewie. He seemed to love her for it. My Aunt and my Grandma however, they looked like each other. Same hair color, same facial shape.

My mom told me that Dewie never hit her.

But Dewie would hit Grandma.

My mom once recounted to me that she had to sneak on her hand and knees to avoid it, just to sneak into the kitchen to grab a bag of chips for dinner.

She didn’t see it, but after she told me that, I went to my room that night I cried for her.

Dewie never hit her, but he was still an Alcoholic.

He would drink, and smash chairs over my Grandmas head. I don’t know if my Aunt was abused, but I wouldn’t doubt it.

They hated my mom, my Grandma and my Aunt.

My Aunt would make my mom do every chore, maybe she felt like my mom deserved it for being Dewies “Favorite”. She would purposefully neglect the farm animals so that my Mom was forced to take care of them, or else get physically punished by Grandma.

You see, Grandma always sided with my Aunt. Still does to this day.

My Aunt would abuse my Mom too, as if taking notes from what she saw Dewie do. Almost as if they where both taking notes. My Aunt still hates my mom, they hate each other.

My mom calls her a snobby fat asshole.

But wouldn’t you in her situation?

What made it worse is that my mom has scoliosis. And back then, the only option was this ugly, bulky, full body cast.

She was bullied for it.

My Mom ended up taking the brace off in 8th or 9th grade. People started to really like her then, she was suddenly the ‘It’ girl(because those vests were basically medical corsets). Imagine one of those ‘nerdy girl’ to ‘hot girl’ transformations.

My mom would get all her cloths second hand and remodel them to fit into this new, popular crowd.(this was before it was cool to do so btw)

She started dating a smart, popular boy. TJ. They weren’t really meant to be though. She cheated on him a lot.

I think some part of my Mom and my Grandma seeked excitement, that type of movie star level excitement.

But she still craved security.

I mean, wouldn’t you?

Tj was secure, but not exciting. Not thrilling. Not like what she was used to. They went to college together. And within a semester, she couldn’t do it anymore. She wanted excitement, but an excitement she had control over.

She doesn’t want to be like my Grandma.

She’s desperate to never be like her.

Dewie died from alcoholism when my mom was 15. He refused to stop drinking and smoking in the hospital, and that was it for him. I think my mom talked to me once about her visiting him. My mom really loved him, or at least she says so.

I think she was scared of him.

But also enamored with the fact that she was more ‘special’ than anyone else in the house.

I think she was afraid of becoming like my Grandma, because then she would be abused like my Grandma. My mom always cared about what Grandma thought of her.

She was never enough for Grandma.

No matter how hard she tried.

So she partied. She was popular, she had everything going for her, still does. My mom was voted Prom Queen TWICE, and refused the second nomination because she said it felt unfair.

But knowing my mom, she probably just didn’t want to look prideful.

She wanted so desperately to be the perfect girl.

She did everything she was supposed to, she had many admirers, one even snuck pictures of her when she was changing. When I pried her about it, she said she wasn’t mad.

She was just happy they got a good shot of her.

My Dad and my Mom dated for a little bit in high school before JD, but he cheated. And I mean cheated a lot. My dad isn’t the greatest guy. In fact, you wouldn’t be wrong if you called him a piece of shit.

But he’s gotten a lot better, it just took him awhile.

After my mom left TJ freshman year of college, and she moved back to Florida. At a Club 51, My Mom and Dad met again. They hit it off apparently, started living together. They got married at 19 I think, after my Grandma forced them to. She didn’t think a man and a woman should live together unless their married.

Soon after, I came along.

My mom says she was 22, but her old friends from back then tell me it was more around 20-21. I think she told me it was an older date because she didn’t want me to be like her, and get pregnant so young. I think I was the only reason why my Dad stayed with my Mom.

My mom lied to my dad, and said she was on birth control to have me.

She was really lonely.

A lot of those “friends” she used to have in high school saw her as less, because of where she came from.

She didn’t really have anyone.

My dad went to strip clubs a lot, got way too drunk, and was an overall slug of a man. But a slug with abbs. I think he gave my Mom that feeling of controlled excitement.

My dad came from an abusive household.

He’s never talked about it with me, I don’t think he ever will. His mom neglected him, and his dad was really really hard on him. Too hard for it to be healthy. And though my dad will swear up and down that it helped it, I still think he has some unresolved trauma from it.

He seeks feminine comfort.

He loves to be held by my Mom, and he loves when me and my sister hug him and love on him. I don’t think he got a lot of that growing up.

He also has a problem with alcohol.

It was normalized in his family, and its something my great Uncle died from, on my dads side. I think my mom was attracted to that part of him in a way.

A man that was slightly reminiscent of her father.

When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad would bring strippers home.

They lived in a little trailer, right by the one Dewie built. My first bedroom was in that trailer. I had a pink, sparkly, plastic princess bed.

She really wanted me to feel special.

She never really trusted my dad with how she felt, but she trusted me. She told me everything, she would come to hold me and cry to me, and I would console her.

She didn’t really like physical touch beyond that though.



She would get aggravated with me if I hugged her for too long, or tried to snuggle her at night. I think she just didn’t know how to be intimate, and that the idea of intimacy had been permanently scarred for her.

My parents had a lot of arguments and yelling matches at this point. They would hide in the closet away from me, but I don’t think they realized how loud they where being. When I would hear it happening, I would barge in and say,

“Stop Talk Fighting!!”

I came up with that after I started calling it fighting, and my mom would say,

“We weren’t fighting! We where talking.”

I was pretty creative I think, definitely did some psychological at 4. Pretty impressive I think.

I was always a slow learner.

I think my mom saw herself in me. I think it scared her.

It took me twice as long as other kids to learn something, and it would sometimes really aggravate my parents. Especially my dad. He expected perfection, in both behavior and grades. I wasn’t great at following direction, and the bullying made me act out in school. I was, and am, still very reactive.

The other kids could just tell that I was different. They always could tell.

I was bullied for as long as I could remember.

I was always called “Stinky Breath” or “Stupid” in preK, by both kids and teachers. It got worse as I got older, especially when my parents put me in a new school.

Stupid always stuck around though.

After awhile, even Mom said it to me.

We where alike in that way though, we where both ‘stupid’ in the same way. I think that terrified her, she just wanted me to be normal, so I wouldn’t go through what she did.

Thats a parents job right?

But I think she got sick of trying after awhile. I was never going to be a better version of her. I was never going to be Prom Queen or win Homecoming.

I was always going to be that dorky dyke she was so scared of me becoming.

My mom is bisexual, she only started telling me that after she started opening up. Before that, she would just spout every homophobic baptist line my Grandma would feed her.

She was scared that she would lose me to hell.

Or at least, thats what she told herself.

It took a lot of time, arguments, and screaming matches to convince her that the way I loved was natural. When I was in my first abusive relationship, I finally told my parents(because I needed therapy). My mom said to me,

“She probably hit you because she was grossed out that you where gay.”

My dad yelled at her, telling her this is why I didn’t tell them anything about my life anymore.

He wasn’t wrong.

My mom has always seen me as a different version of herself. She wasn’t allowed to love women, and never even thought it was an option. She was in love with a stripper when she was younger. My Mom said she had beautiful raven hair, and that she was scared of her.

She was conditioned into thinking it was unnatural.

When we finally moved into a rickety old house, my Mom fell in love with a woman while she was with my dad. She never talks about it anymore, and this Woman tried to convince my mom to leave him.

She didn’t.

Now that same woman is married to a man.

She didn’t think it was natural. And she was terrified of me being bullied worse. Even when I first convinced her it was normal,

She told me to never tell anyone else.

She told me she was scared of what the other kids would do to me.

But she never really knew how bad it had already gotten at that point. My cousin, who was in my class, was apart of the group that bullied me. They stuck needles in my fingers, they would constantly harass me. I remember when I was a kid, I hurt my arm. We didn’t have health insurance at the time, and so I was never taken to the doctor.

I couldn’t pull my arm out.

But I didn’t have a cast.

The kids in my class thought I was lying when they asked me why my arm was scrunched up to my chest. So they held me down and pulled my arm out. Ive never experienced anything so blindingly painful. All I remember is my own voice screaming. Sometimes that arm still hurts.

I still don’t know if it was broken or not.

My dad would tell me, “just punch then back!” But when I did fight back, after I gained the balls to, I was punished. I never knew how to properly articulate what was happening to me to anyone.

I didn’t feel like anyone would care even if I said anything.

My Mom was hardly supportive through this, and instead, she became paranoid about any friends I made. So I ended up not having many friends. I started isolating myself, playing skyrim, watching anime. Even the one friend I had, I felt I needed to put on an act around to be liked.

I didn’t think anyone would like me for who I was.

I knew I didn’t like me.

I don’t think my Mom likes herself either. And I think she saw that in me too. So she would try, in her own special way, to make me feel better. She would tell me to work out more, to suck my stomach in, just like Grandma would tell me to do.

Just like Grandma told her to do.

When I was diagnosed with ADD(ADHD now), my Mom would tell me to just “Take my happy pills” when referencing my adderal. Shes always had a bad relationship with weight. My mom was a model for awhile, even made it on the cover of some local FL magazine. She was told to lose more weight that she could naturally. So she became bulimic. She didn’t stay in modeling.

I started having a problem with adderal use after i left the private school I was bullied at. I wanted everyone to like me, I wanted so desperately to at least be a hot lesbian. And not a ‘bull dyke’ as my mom described.

She didn’t notice the weight loss for awhile.

We both thought that I was prettiest this way.

I think it was my dad that noticed first, but to be honest, that whole time period was a blur to me. I went from 145 pound to 117 in a few months. None of my ‘friends’ noticed.

Mom only started noticing when my ribs started showing.

I still thought I wasn’t skinny enough. But thats just how it works right?

Thats when she started being better. Truly better. I think I was always the disappointment. Not because of who I am, but because of what I represented to my Mom. To my parents. They got desensitized to my depression, and started seeing it at just a ‘Hagan Quirk’. It didn’t help that they had another kid, a golden child. Smart, the leader of the pack. Prom Queen. Exactly what my Mom wanted me to be.

She was everything I couldn’t be.

And I resented her for that. For always getting the attention I needed, it only happened to be that the worst of my bullying happened at the same time when she was born. They didn’t have time to worry about me with a newborn.

I know its not my sisters fault.

She just reminds me so much of the people who made my life hell.

Popular, smart, naturally charismatic, straight.

Everything I wasn’t. I hated her. I guess generational trauma just builds. I wasn’t great to her growing up. I purposefully annoyed her, teased her and ignored her. Every time I looked at her, it just reminded me of everything I wasn’t.

It only fueled my self hatred further as I got older. I only felt good enough when I was anorexic. I still don’t feel good enough for any of my family. I’ll always be the black sheep bull dyke thats always too fat. They wont say it to me outright anymore, not after the anorexia. But my Mom finds ways to sneak it in.

“You know you would really benefit from working out”

“Theres this new weight loss treatment where you inject insulin”

“You should eat healthier, maybe you’d feel better about yourself”

These are always the kinds of responses I get from my mom when I tell her how I view myself. I love her you know. Regardless of all of this, I love her.

Sometimes she just tells me Im beautiful as I am.

But thats only when shes feeling that way herself.

Shes a nurse practitioner, and a very talented botox person. She spent almost 10 years in school for it. All to be able to support me and my sister. I think she felt insecure in her ability to take care of herself after my parents almost divorced after I caught my Dad cheating on my Mom. My sister was a toddler at the time, and my dad became a full on Alcoholic after. He wont talk about it though. But I remember.

Those dreadful dinners where the room would be filled with pungent silence, only disturbed by his drunken aggression when food wasn’t cooked right, or if I didn’t get a good enough grade(which was often).

My sister would cry when he got too loud.

When the divorce was in the process, my grades started dropping. I just didn’t care about anything. Every teacher that knew chalked it up to just the divorce, not everything else. It wasn’t the fact that I was in a class that actively made my life hell, NO!!!! It was the divorce.

I wanted Dad to leave.

Mom was really nice to me then, she came to me crying a lot, and we cuddled a lot during bedtime.

It made me really happy. I felt like I was needed.

It didnt last long though, after Dad threatened to take away parental rights based on income. Mom came back, because she was scared of what would happen to my sister.

She was a toddler.

And he was a drunk.

He wasn’t going to take care of her.

I think I remind Mom of all the bad things that happened to her. Or maybe I remind her of herself. Or maybe its both. I don’t think she can conceptualize how she feels about me, besides saying that she loves me.

I think we love each other in the same way.

Not really as Mother and Daughter, but in the way that you both hate and love your reflection.

She often tells me that I’m the only one that understands her. That it sometimes intimidates her. I still think my Mom and Dad should divorce. But I don’t think they ever will, they’re just too bound together now. Like one of those little keychains that has blue water and oil in it, the ones that look like oceans.

A façade of the real.

My Mom is a complicated woman. When I bring up these things, she doesn’t remember them. I think she pushed it down. She so desperately wants to be the perfect mom. She wants to be perfect. Anything that isn’t perfect, she forgets. She ignores the things that make her upset, until she forgets they ever happened. I think both of my parents do that. Its the only way they ever learned how to cope.

I know they love me.

They show it through little things, like trying to get me presents of things they know I like. Or by letting me pursue art, even if it isn’t the biggest money maker.

My dad stopped drinking so much as he got older, and he hasn’t cheated since. He says it was the worst period of his life.

He calls me, and asks me how I’m doing sometimes. I cant talk to him about any of this. He still makes fun of my trauma every now and then. I don’t think he thinks that my childhood was bad, when compared to his upbringing.

Same with Mom, they both like to compare their experiences to mine to prove that I didn’t have it that bad. I guess from their perspective I didn’t. They just don’t remember the bad parts, they don’t want to.

Ive come to learn that thats ok.

I still cry about it. I cried while writing this.

I don’t think they’ll ever acknowledge it fully. I don’t even think they remember it fully. My sister is still the golden child, always will be. I still haven’t stopped wanting to be what they want. I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting to be the Prom Queen my mom wanted me to be.

I’ve always loved my mom, more than anyone.

[todayisafridaynight]

Throwing in fun (not fun) facts to contribute esp bc I was tagged in the essay: (Sorry in advance this is literally my career and special interest AND I just got back from a training conference about this SO obv I am going to talk too much. Disclosure: These statistics are from peer-reviewed sources AND the National Children's Alliance. The NCA IS an American association, though, so take this all with a grain of salt bc we're applying it to someone whose bg is not American lmao. This is an essay for funsies. CW: discussion of and stats about CSA, Child Abuse) Relevant to the Jo stuff is also that victims of one/any kind of abuse are statistically much more likely to subsequently face overlapping abuse, so knowing he comes from a home where abuse and potential neglect was actively occurring sets Jo-boy up for some sad statistics. I am looking for my notes on the stats for that but it's something stupid high, I wanna say over 30 or 40%.

Additionally, 47%~ of CSA victims are revictimized. Abysmal statistic but mostly just an interesting note if this IS the case/if we choose to interpret Jo this way bc of the other things mentioned in Masu's ask, specifically if we're viewing his unhealthy and ultimately traumatic relationship with Ikumi as a potential example of that revictimization (similarly, coming from a like background, it may have been revictimizing for Ikumi if she had ever experienced something like CSA, as well. It's one of those cases where they both got hurt even if neither of them were at fault for "playing house" as Jo calls it).

Seconding/Adding on to Masu's thoughts about Jo's behavior being as self-destructive as it is because of the compounded trauma of his life, victims of adolescent abuse "engage in health-risk behaviors such as substance use, physical fighting, and risky sexual activity," in far higher numbers than non-victims. We know for facts that adolescent Jo checks at least 2 of those 3 boxes, and that he still puts himself in unnecessary danger as a full grown adult (the Heian Tower fight, and Hoshino's Office fight): An interesting and well-written cycle of trauma and abuse on RGGs part, tbh, but also so narratively telling about how he saw/sees/continues to see himself as more an object than a person. (Love your notes on that btw, it rings very true. I could write an essay on that alone tbh.)

Another weird little thing I notice from both a Doyalist AND Watsonian perspective: Jo's disclosure of his father's abuse would classify as what we call an "accidental disclosure" in the field even though it's clearly intentional that he shares it with Ichi - it's offhanded and markedly unimportant in the story he's telling. He says it passively in a literary sense, as well: "The only thing waiting for me at home was my father's fists." Like homie, that's the most roundabout way you could have said "My dad beat me." Interestingly, up to 50% of [specifically CSA] victims do not state outright that abuse occurs, but disclose it accidentally/offhandedly; and in general, accidental disclosure is more common among people who have also delayed disclosure. Up to 66% of admissions from victims of child abuse come delayed if they come at all.

I think it's a very in-character remark of him to make, but statistically, it lines up with other victims of abuse as a whole. I think it's also just cool that from the Doyalist perspective, writing his lines in this way was intentional. It's part of the whole "Everything Jo says sounds like it could mean more than one thing" thing. He speaks poetically - it's intentional not just for the character but for the writer.

Okay, I'm done for now I'm sorry I just wanted to throw some added stuff into the convo bc I love applying my everyday usage of adolescent-focused trauma care and pysch shit to blorbos and seeing what sticks. Anyway, I also have a shit ton of thoughts on Masumi Arakawa as an abuse survivor but THATS another essay I won't dig into now. If I am still in your good graces after this long ass spiel I will consider it not only amazing but perhaps even cool as hell.

[ continuity of this ask ]

[wildshona]

Being a Sex Addict

Ok so a very nice man from New Zealand was asking what it felt like to be a sex addict and other people have really enjoyed taking advantage of it so here is a bit of a Shona style informational.

How do you become a sex addict?

Well there are some differences between men and women and for some it is about poor coping strategies but really it is about power and a need to overcome past trauma caused by sexual or physical abuse or loneliness caused by emotional neglect. well if u have been following my longer blogs rather than just looking at the pictures u must have picked up that i spent years being sexually abused as did my sister although she has not become a sex addict cos our circumstances were different not least she gort emotional support and i got emotional abuse as well as being fucked all the time.

What are the signs?

obsessive sexual thought - u gotta believe it unless i'm doing something that occupies my mind and activity then i will be thinking about sex, chatting and fantasising on tumblr or whatever.

excessive time spent on sexual activity - yeah i tick this box, excessive masturbation you bet and i dont wear knickers around the flat and even when i go out so that i can get at myself, watching lots of porn - not particularly but sometimes, excessive search for sexual encounters - well uve been reading my blog and u know the electrician is just one of many and ive just finished sucking off my husband before writing this to send him on his way to a meeting happy

feeling shame or depression - yeah well i dont talk about that too much but when you spent years being told ur a worthless whore only good as a cum receptacle it gets to ur mental health just a bit.

cheating on partners - fortunately dont need to cos Chris likes me fucking what he tries to do is keep it safe - not a lot of luck there but he does his best

engaging in increasingly risky and inappropriate behaviours - honestly if u go to a club and then go back to a flat with three strange men a s i did a couple of weeks ago that can turn really bad. it dodnt for me that time i just got all my holes occupied til i was dripping fluid from everywhere but i have been raped enough that i should know better but thats an addiction for you.

committing criminal sex offences - i suppose fucking in club toilets and alleyways covers that and lets not forget i met chris cos i offered him a blow job for a tenner

you can't stop regardless of negative consequences - yeah i can't stop and ive cum three times this morning already.

Can you be cured? Apparently recovery takes two to five years as long as you have consistent therapy. i think im on the five year journey and sometimes im not even sure i want to recover cos i fucking love fucking. but i know it is dangerous and i know i could end up dead in a ditch or selling myself so...

so now u know.

What does it feel like - an overpowering need to be a body that is used. even though it sometimes feeds the worse behaviours of the men and women who use as i experience with a lot of men on here

.

[thatgirlfromthering]

here is a bunch of useless stuff abt prsk but i have no friends so im just saying it for everyone to hear. my opinions only dont take this seriously

nc @ 25

mafuyu: my favorite in the whole game. its odd considering that i used to absolutely hate her. i hated her for the same reason that most ppl hate her. i thought that everyone was overreacting to her problems but then i realized i was projecting my own insecurities onto that so i started to love her. ill pull her mothers hair out in clumps

kanade: my second favorite in the whole games. i just relate to mafuyu more. her hair is nice. we both hate going outside ♡︎ idk how shes paying the bills but either way i feel bad for her she lost so many ppl she loves & shes trying to protect someone she loves & i want a friend like her but i dont think itd be healthy but do i care? not really. i love kanade i wanna give her a comfy blanket to sleep with.

mizuki: this was very hard to do cause i couldnt decide to put them or kanade in the number 2 spot. ig i just have the smallest bit of more bias towards kanade. anyway their such a good friend big w for telling your bestie to run away (/serious) ily queen teehee were both transfem she/theys who hated life also their singing voice is the best out of all the characters

ena: ok i wanna like her more than i do but i just hate the way she treats mafuyu its like she thinks mafuyus a burden for not having conventional feelings a lot of ppl ik irl are like this so i dont care for ena that much but she obv has her moments of clarity ig but shes better than shiho (not sorry) also she abuses akito idc what ppl say

vbs

toya: hes autistic idk what to tell you chief i think the tenmas should adopt him his & tsukasas friendship is nice i like how tsukasas like an older brother to him. toya has my favorite voice of vbs i love how wholesome he is autism be damned by boys got daddy issues ill kick his dad in the teeth he & mafumom can fall into a volcano ♡︎

akito: i feel bad for the way ena treats him but i do wish he wasnt an ass sometimes but hes gotten better & actually has depth so i like him lots cause his voice is really good also his event stories are good i wish he had more event stories that were centered around him

an: 100% she ahouldve been the vbs leader my theory is that she looks too much like ichika ig & thats why. theres probably some reason that im unaware of. i like her event stories a lot shes a good character i like her determination also caucasian destination boy was her canon event not her discovering nagi is dead

kohane: shes cute & all & her singing voice is good. but she just feels like a copy & paste of minori, vice versa. her determination is cute & all but she just feels like super basic her outfit is cute tho ig.

wxs

nene: shes rlly cute her & emus friendship is one of my favorite dynamics we both love video games her whole mermaid thing is really nice i love mermaids sm also her songs are rlly cute her & lukas voices go well together shes also autistic just saying

rui: the other characters have queer aspects abt them but this guy was just queer all around i mean jfc anyway he said :3 i love his face he probably has my favorite face of the characters he has the best singing voice of wxs imo his event stories are cool too. hes autistic

emu: you ever meet someone so cheerful its almost intimidating? anyway shes adorable & deserves the world i like her lots i think shed give good hugs even tho i hate being touched id like to hug her at least once her event songs are good but im not a huge fan of once upon a dream

tsukasa: mr showtime is fire. he & emu would be in the same spot but i like emus singing voice better so 🤷‍♀️ he & mafuyu probably are systems (shoutout to hearth4days) my guy has glass child syndrome his parents are lowkey neglectful i love his big brother thing hes got going on i wish he was my big brother. his laugh is loud but nice

mmj

shizuku: so gorgeous no notes shes so sweet & cute & i love her voice & i want her to be my big sister & i love her singing voice the cards for the my color event are so lovely i want that costume for her so badly shes muah muah muah my love

haruka: we both have eds lol im not a huge fan of her singing voice but i like her hair when my hair grows out a little more i wanna style it like that i like her regular voice a lot

airi: lets go lesbians her & shizukus romeo & cinderella song was sooo good also her event songs are sooo good (momoiro key & icedrop ♡︎)

minori: her determination is cute & her design is cute but her personality is eh she & kohane are just copy & pastes of each other their both new at performing and have this main character determination & are obsessed with girls with blue hair (an & harkua)

l/n

honami: we both like drums. she probably has my second favorite face of all the characters. i also think she gives good hugs shes so nurturing and sweet i think her hair is very soft & smells good

saki: shes rlly cute i love her hair i wanna do my hair like that when it gets long we both are chronically ill & feel like a burden to the ppl around us lol her cards are really cute i also think her hair is soft

ichika: eh shes lame her singing voice is pretty good but other than that there doesnt seem to be too much thats interesting abt her

shiho: 🍅🍅🍅

[strayloveletter]

i know that “do it out of spite” for academic achieving women is considered iconic but its so daunting. i’m hardly motivated and have the attention span of a goldfish but i’ve been trying to push myself anyway and have been barely making any progress (like 10% progress when 100% daily is like average) when i know i have the potential to do twice as much as the average person, or at least i used to. i don’t have much time left either. 

 i met the reason i’m doing it out of spite last week, my childhood bully. as she never openly admitted to anything she’d done and pretends to be just a childhood friend, we have a cordial relationship but anyone with a pair of eyes can sense the tension. she’s also a distant family friend, and though my family mainly cut contact with her’s after all the bullying and shit, i see her every couple of years or so. 

she got into USC. she’s probably going to become a doctor in the future. she and her sisters tried to pretend she got in straight after high school, but i know she transferred bc she took the exit exam sophomore year. USC isn’t child’s play. i know they look down on me for attempting to enter a uni out of the country even though its a quicker process and still challenging, but what if i don’t get in? they don’t know this but this is my second attempt. i got my diploma a year early and attempted the exam once before and missed by 8 points. 

i don’t know if my spite can fuel me any longer. what if my desire to end up better than the girl who ruined my entire childhood isn’t enough to motivate me into creating my success? i’ve always been obsessed with the perfect balance of revenge, evident in the many revenge-themed novels and comics i read and i’m not ready to accept the fact that thats rarely the case. people don’t get their perfect revenge. i was so sure it was real. whenever my dad would beat me, he would immediately face issues at work which would miraculously fix themselves once he’d apologized. people who’d say things about me behind my back would immediately bump into something or get hurt. maybe it’s the tiny things where god and the universe would be by my side, but will things work out where it really matters? i’m not so sure any more... i’ll never be better. i’ll never make her regret what she did. i’ll never make her wish she could turn back time and not isolate and bully the six year old who was so excited to see her family friend in a sea of unfamiliar faces at her new school until they were teenagers. 

the perfect balance was always so important to me. i was basically obsessed with it. i had the predisposed notion that if someone had an awful home life, they’d have an amazing social life. if they had an amazing home life AND an amazing social life, they probably had financial issues or weren’t too intelligent. but i had a shitty home life and an awful, lonely school life since i was like six. we were never poor and are well-off enough even to american standards today, but back then my parents saved every penny but i guess they never made us feel poor. i was very intelligent and fine health-wise, despite the chronic headaches that have only gotten worse. but back then, the main holy balance was either a good home life with parents who don’t hit or yell at you for trivial reasons and aren’t extremely fucking strict and a school life with no bullies or isolation and a bunch of fun unique friends who hung out all the time and even outside of school, whose groupchats are never dull. my dream was to have an average balance on the scale. kind, slightly neglectful parents that i had the luxury of missing and a couple friends i could trust. lol i was pretty naive. my parents are nice now but still incredibly strict. i don’t really have any friends at all, unless you count the passive kind that i still love but never really talk to. i’m also not a genius anymore.

i should be better now. i’m not bullied anymore. my household isn’t abusive anymore. heck, they even apologized. (yes, it’s a big deal. i never thought they’d do that) it’s been so, so many months since i’ve been slapped and they get me all the little things i want too. we’ve settled into the facade of the perfect family quite well :) but i still can’t seem to focus or learn. it’s like all my energy and excitement has been sucked away from me before i even had the chance to reach eighteen. i’m sure nobody’s actually reading this lol especially not up till here but i’m so so scared i’ll never get to be anything and will end up being an average person arranged to marry some average guy and raise his children while cursing myself and my bully and complaining to anyone who will spare a second to listen about how shitty my life is and how it’s not my fault but her’s. i really hope i won’t be forced to watch her live my dreams and think about how much of a failure i am forever. still, i can’t seem to push myself to do anything to change the trajectory of my life. i’n not going to fail and then blame others for it. i’m going to have to succeed and make her wish she was my friend. i’m going to live the life of my dreams idc. (iA)

 i’m going to study some more now

[ephemeralsx]

they hate on feyre because they wish nesta and elain had the relevance in the series that feyre has as the heroine, it’s not even in the characters the fans are just immature and so because people self insert they do that with the sisters and have to be either to soft girl like elain or the bitchy one like nesta no grey area personality like feyre where she’s a mix of both, they need to be either the “cold girl boss” or “the princess type” character, because this series isn’t that complex and feyre hasn’t done much wrong at all to warrant the fanbases dramatics but this is just an immature petty fanbase that self inserts onto the sisters so they trash on feyre with whatever made up nonsense they come up with all while wishing their characters had what feyre has. her storyline, man, powers and title.

they lie and claim they don’t think she’s interesting of course just to seem superior all while elain and nesta are less impressive than feyre. they don’t have her powers of each court, they aren’t the first and only high lady like she is, they aren’t mated to the most powerful fae to ever exist, the lord of night, they aren’t lady of the night court, they aren’t as important to the inner circle as feyre is having met them all first giving them their first nephew, they don’t have cass or az as a high lord who calls all the shots with BDE, they don’t have the most popular love story of sjm’s, they don’t have the beautiful storyline that feyre has nor do they have a glow up story like hers (from neglected, bullied, manipulated, beaten, starved and killed to strong happy powerful wealthy first high lady, rhys’ only ever lover we know of (az and cass have histories which nesta and elain stan’s hate) she’s come a long way, is known as their country’s savior for freeing them all as cleverly as she did. what did nesta and elain ever do? i like elain! i don’t even hate nesta. but it’s easy to clear a nesta or elain stan when they’ve barely got anything going for them compared to their younger sister. don’t self insert too much guys to where you lose sight of how uninteresting your faves really are…feyre stan’s can at least say we aren’t deluded, jealous or miserable as hell 😂 at least we got three books dedicated to us and a novella. what do nesta and elain get? one book each? a less iconic love story than feysand? don’t piss a feysand off yall, bc it’s so easy to shit on her sisters and we’ll all happily do it. we win because the sisters stan’s will always have to deal with feysand being the more important and popular in the series regardless of them getting books sjm will always involve them and make them important as leaders of their family.

i mostly agree with you! its insane to me how someone can absolutely hate a main character eho has 3 books completely in her pov, like if you dislike it so much stop reading it and stop bitching about it.

i actually love nesta, but i can admit that the abuse towards feyre in their childhood is very much real, and honestly makes me sick when i think about it. feyre deserves all the apologies from them. and nesta did apologise, thats why i love her, she grew as a character and found her true self. i won’t share my opinion about elain for the sake of my sanity bc i don’t want elain stans attacking me, plus my opinion about her is pretty irrelevant for this topic.

anyways, i wouldn’t say nesta is less impressive than feyre. of course, over the course of 4 books, feyre had more history since nesta hasn’t really been a main character since lately. i love feysand, to be honest, even more than nessian, but i think the reason for that is just because we know them the best. if nesta was the main character from the start, things would look way different. even tho acosf was like a bible long book, i feel like nessian was rushed and a bit of a disappointment (too centered on lust instead of love in my opinion).

but anyways, you’re right, *some* nesta or elain stans lose themselves in the role of the icy bitch or the flowery princess and often overlook or even hate on feyre. which makes me incredibly sad because i relate with feyre the most. the kid who always got overlooked but was still faced with the burden if responsibility.

calling feyre boring or irrelevant just because she settled down and just wants to be happy is so incredibly wrong. think about her whatever you want, but some hate is out of pocket and just unnecessary