#and she wants to be center of attention
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[Here is Princess Ankha ]
#ooc#spam#she chased me all over the house this morning#which is typical while getting ready for work#and she wants to be center of attention#Harley and Blue do the same thing…except the pouncing#Ankha likes to pounce and go after my feet#but she’s cute so I always forgive her
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here's the thing: catra never knew adora as well as she thought she did.
like sure, she knew what adora's insecurities and fears were (and used them against adora, as all abusers do). but catra had a very warped image of adora in her mind. in her perspective, adora was this egotistic and selfish person who had a hero complex and enjoyed being the center of attention.
adora never wanted to be a hero. she never asked for it. she wanted to help people, of course, because she wasn't selfish and sadistic like catra. but she never enjoyed being put under so much pressure.
and catra never realizes this.
even in that iconic “what do you want, adora?” scene that everyone keeps praising, what does catra say afterward? adora tells her that she has to sacrifice herself to save etheria, and catra says this:
she acts like its adora's choice.
she acts like adora wants to die for the sake of everyone else, as if adora is doing this for fame and fanfare. she was the one who contributed to adora's lack of self-worth and her tendency to put herself last, and catra now acts like adora had a choice.
catra never knew adora, she only knew the warped version of adora that she herself had created. catra never understood the real adora. and she never tried to.
#and here's the thing#i think at least part of this was projection#catra never wanted to be a hero ofc#but she did enjoy being the center of attention‚ she enjoyed being respected and feared#and i think she was projecting that onto adora#spop critical#spop salt#spop#spop criticism#spop discourse#she ra#anti spop#anti catra#anti catradora#anti c//a#antic//a#anticatra#anticatradora#tw abuse#tw guilt tripping
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The thing is it is the literal best thing in the world driving across the country with a group of strangers who start becoming family with incredible music blasting all the way down the freeway…….. I just don’t wanna have to do work to unlock that lmao
#I was thinking about this last night and#my WHOLEEEEEEEE youth I wanted to be a musician or an actress#and my m*ther just dropped nuclear bombs on that until there was nothing left#I begged for singing lessons begged to take me to auditions#and she always told me like. ‘if god wanted you to be famous in that way someone will discover you’ and like okay someone discovering me#is not gonna fall from the sky in Massachusetts when I am not WORKING to even be good?????????#so yeah but anyway#I feel this unrelenting itch suddenly of like#what’s missing about this is I should be the center of attention lmao#but it’s just far too late in life to BEGIN to pursue a talent that would land me in that situation nvm all the work involved to get in it#anyway that’s silly af but just something I’m thinking about#I was born to be a leader not an employee and I’m just realizing that’s the problem idfk
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my mom and i just got into an argument over me not wanting her to go to a dentist appt on the day im moving into my campus apartment. girl be for real help 😭
#like my fucking bad i want you there to help me move in and dont think a dentist appt is as important as me moving out 😭#if she cant be the center of attention she’ll find a way to be lmaooo#she literally told me she didnt wanna go to the appt then got mad that i dont want her to like. hello#txt
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SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR. KEVIN PHILLIPS
also, honorable mention to the original script for this scene:
#super dark times#zach taylor#allison bannister#sam edits#they make me feel insaaaaaaaane. its so much. i just. AGH. because i mean obviously it's for the sake of Plot#but just the start of her 'I like Zach and am GONNA date him' agenda seeming to directly coincide with The Daryl Incident is so... tragic#the Zach from a few days earlier—the Zach in the basement giggling about how he likes her—was never the Zach that got to be#the center of her attention this way. but tbh the FUNNIEST explanation for this timing to me is the idea that him shouting 'PENIS'#outside her house while fucking around with Josh was the thing that pushed her to be like 'ok fuck it i want him and im gonna get him'#bc she DID call to invite him to her party that same night. it's unclear if she called before or after but. it def could have been after#also also also: the fact that this scene is the last time they see each other before the. stuff at Meghan's house. they talk on the phone#briefly after (in which she calls him an asshole under her breath because he's calling to ask for what she thinks is another girl's number)#which... much to think about there. especially with the script's original 'she gives up on him' line. agughghghh#(though in the script version they actually do see each other one more time. or. well. she sees him but he doesn't notice her)
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Junko: "The most despair I have ever felt in my life was killing my sister."
Mukuro, in the afterlife: "JUNKO LOVES ME MORE! SUCK IT, YASUKE!"
no because i know mukuro’s weird ass was lowkey thrilled when junko murdered yasuke because it was one less person to steal junko’s attention away from her 💀
#😭😭😭#like remember how excited she was to go back to junko’s room after everything was said and done and tried to make her laugh dndnxn#homegirl probably wanted izuru dead so bad lmfao#i have a whole thing about mukuro’s subconscious bitterness towards people who get junko’s attention and affection who aren’t her#because she believes that if anyone in the world deserves attention and affection from junko it’s her. like she’s earned it.#and in her mind she probably rationalizes that nobody else deserves junko’s affection because they don’t truly understand her#not the way mukuro does and she’s worked so hard to be someone junko loves and needs#it kills her to watch junko focus on other ppl when she’s right there practically begging to be acknowledged & shown love and appreciation#and it isn’t possessiveness. it’s bitterness. bitterness and hurt.#ofc most of this is festering beneath the surface in her subconscious more than it’s entering her stream of conscious thought#she wants to be the center of junko’s world like junko is the center of hers so badly it’s genuinely heartbreaking#but yes this a correct take lmao#mukuro ikusaba#junko enoshima#danganronpa#asked and answered
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Zibrei's Romance Chart as requested by @arcxnumvitae
Zibrei is extremely easy to get into a sexual relationship with. One night stands are par for the course with her. If there's a connection, its very easy to stay friends or even friends-with-benefits. But as soon as a whiff of feelings or intimacy is involved, Zibrei will back off like her ass is on fire. A lot of times her actions are be misconstrued as romantic or intimacy seeking because she's generally an open, fun loving person and very physically affectionate.
The exception are those in her flight and that is simply because they would all rather be in her life in any capacity than ruin what they have with feelings of "love".
Spending time together is very important to her. Its a way for her to check in and see how others are doing. I
#{Zibrei -headcanon-}#~Zibrei is a tough b*tch#~she loves people and loves being the center of attention and just generally having a feel good time#~which doesn't translate well into not leading people on and not wanting relationships
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Honestly growing up is realizing that normal people don’t have to set timers to remember they’re cooking ramen… which notoriously only takes 3 minutes to cook… and maybe I do have adhd
#Trying to explain to my sister in law that I sometimes accidentally set a microwave time to 1 minute when I mean for it to be 20 seconds#and I go ‘oh it’s fine I will just stop it at 20 seconds’#but then in those 20 seconds /I then forget I’m cooking something/#bc my attention is drawn away#and next thing I know I’ve got a cookie that’s literally on fire in the center#and the way this is such a common thing for me#(not necessary w a cookie lol. But the cookie one has happened enough that I’ve legit set off multiple fire alarms w it)#Or yeah the fact that I p much /have/ to set a timer for pasta bc I will 100% forget I’m making pasta if I don’t#Or the literal HELLSCAPE that is laundry bc there’s so fucking many steps to it and it’s soooooo easy to forget it in the washing machine#I was just proofreading these Fucking tags and I forgot the word ‘forget’ in the one abt pasta#I laid out all my evidence that I’ve secretly squirreled away for 10 years to my sister in law#and she just went O.O yeah I don’t think you’re hallucinating it; this isn’t normal#and it was v validating#I just don’t want to seem like I’m saying it for clout or what the fuck ever but I’ve struggled with this my whole life#but on the other hand it’s no longer as big of a deal now that I’m not in school… school was bad.. I don’t know how I did so well#Bc mentally I fucking Drowned#idk if I really want or need to try and get a diagnosis or anything#Esp bc I’m sure that’s not even almost the worst thing wrong with me and I don’t want to open that can of worms#regardless man I wish I weren’t me <3 I fucking /suck/#lea speaks#vent
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tonights mood kinda
#kinda one of those nights where i feel an overwhelming sorrow and grief#i dont know how else to describe it. I feel like ive been grieving for so long and i cant dig myself out of it#grieving people- people i lost- people who left me- grieving my childhood- my old house- myself kinda#omg sorry for being edgy on main#idk i just think about myself sometimes#me. the girl i was#i was so optimistic#if you went back and talked to me at age 8 i would have been smiling and bouncing around and happy#i always loved the spotlight back then#my mom says i was quiet but i remember wanting that attention i wanted people to see me i wanted to be kinda and friendly and fun#i was so hopeful and i was so extroverted#i knew most of the kids in my grade at one point and didnt fear talking to them#Im the opposite now. I dont talk to ppl unless ive known them for a while or unless they approach me#i hate being the center of attention it scares me. I am a pessimist#i dont think younger me would hate me now. I think she would understand. but i think she would be sad that i carried her sorrow with me#and sad that i let it kill the energy i had#Spotify
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11:23
I'm a damn leech. That's all I am
#audrey/kellie's rambles#audrey/kellie vents#dont mind me#im a leech. im a bug. disgusting. im too much to bare. others in the community talk to each other and yet rarely me#i try to talk witj them. maybe im just not that ... good with my ocs. maybe thats why they never ask. maybe-#im too fucking clingy. im too obsessive. im too moody. im fucking crazy.....#I'll just be here tho. i wonder why no one really talks to me. outside of the internet and in of the internet too#but maybe that means im too fucking annoying for something. bjt then again they have a life and its not sll about me. and my long ass asks#they should be sble to live their life. and yet here i am. getting jealous fucking jealous that my friends are talking to each other#its stupid. i shouldn't be like this. its fucking stupid to he jealous of my friends talking to each other. but it seems like i only#see them as my friends or maybe its because i said smth about my school. and then they leave me alone. but theyve.. always left me alone#always. always a shadow. always actually reminding me that im a bad fucking person. always to be there because...#honestly it has to be me. right? im the damn problem. thay dont talk to me. yet i talk to them endlessly. like they are already gone or smth#i suck at being friends. because this is who i am. some possessive fucking freak. i really should. choked myself with some wires.......#this is just reminding me that my twin is more better and more interesting then who i wanted to be hack then when i was on Amino.#even back then they didn't care for me. now its like its the same but much worse. because-#i hate it. i hate feeling lonely. what the fuck. give me fucking validation. give me attention. give me love.#give me any fucking kind of attention. hate on me. spit on me. kick my legs. i dont. i just want attention. i want to be the center of it#all. but im not and it fucking kills me. i want it so bad. and honestly? i did. for a fraction. because of Flor and my other past ideas#and Flor was a bit of a self insert. she was a sona. in a way. and now Yume will be one too. but-#fucking. don't fucking talk to me. i need to work on his draft
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TME PMV frame thingie WIP
I absolutely adore Helene and Lyla's relationship in both iterations of TME's story and i NEED more qpt gal relationships like theirs is i s2g
it's really, REALLY hard to get me sincerely invested in relationships between female characters but damn am i invested in this one.
Something about a do-good heroine who is abnormally hostile only towards her own half-sister for seemingly no reason (read: "no reason") is a dynamic i can't get enough and seeing Lyla constantly make efforts in both the manhwa/LN to reach out to her is so bittersweet and yet amazingly well done
(and i can't praise enough how amazing Helene is handled as a deeply flawed female character!!! She's genuinely the best written female character ive seen and i wish more gals were written as amazing as she is TwT)
#TME art#i love how i started this PMV before I read the LN and yet this still reads as canon-adherent#to both the manhwa and LN at that#also behold: the reason why i rely on CSP's head models to draw#technically i have a Paris-centered PMV im working on too but i flip between that one and this depending on my time and mood#fun fact i technically have a fake ending i've started working on too but idk if ill get to finish that one#point is i LOVE TME and i wanna keep giving it love even despite my wandering attention span and lack of time to draw#my favorite thing is watching people hate on Helene and clearly miss the point of her character in that she's just a young woman-#greatly traumatized by her childhood and has no proper way to cope or come to terms with her own feelings while surrounded by parents who-#hate her or want to manipulate her + with a sister who betrayed her + siblings who are morally bankrupt#+ literally her only friend (read: “friend”) is a psychopathic dragon whose dubious behavior towards her is more harmful than helpful#+ she's still the child whose own actions led to the person kindest towards her getting killed bc of her & her little sister “betraying” he#and she's never quite been able to grow up or come to terms with those feelings hence why she lashes out while longing for love#(and god do i hope it's Paris who helps bridge the gap between Helene and Lyla and in doing so we see him grow as a person)#(look i just want Paris to get kicked in the ass with character development and for him to truly see Helene as someone he cares for)#(bc as he is now he clearly just has surface-level puppy love towards Helene that has the potential to go somewhere and i hope it does)#(ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THE LN GIVES MORE THAN ENOUGH MATERIAL TO HAVE MADE THEM CANON)#(UGH IM STILL UPSET ABOUT THAT THE LN /LITERALLY/ SAID THEY MATCH EACH OTHER AND THEN DIDN'T MAKE IT CANON COME ON)#anyways it's like midnight now but yeah i LOVE TME can u tell#and could probs write whole character studies on all the characters with how deep they are in the manhwa alone holy shit
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peace and blessings to the majority who headcanon girl sam as femme in their femchesters AUs but mine has always been butch
#most beautiful girl in the world (literally just regular sam. no changes)#yes sam is driven by a desire to be Normal but that wouldn’t necessarily manifest as her conforming to traditional femininity#she doesn’t like being the center of attention so I firmly believe she wouldn’t wear a lick of makeup#hair overgrown and falling into her eyes still. shapeless clothes bc she’s insecure abt her lanky body and big breasts#also she’s GAY. she definitely doesn’t want male attention!!!!#dean would definitely flirt with male perps/witnesses when it would help w/ a case but sam would be Violently Opposed#remember those witch sisters in s14. and those other witch sisters in s15. yeah
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Reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is hitting me like a fucking Frieght Train
Can we like calm the fuck down for even 2 pages maybe my god
#ramblings of an arrow#it can be cathartic but also it can kind of just suck#in an ironic twist of events its much more cathartic reading sections and thinking about abusive ex friends#than it is reading it and actually trying to think about my parents#like we all know Oranges was self absorbed and controlling and would throw a hissy fit if she wasnt the center of attention#that isnt new information#categorizing my dad as a 'rejecting parent' though#even though I like already knew conceptually he wasnt exactly the worlds best dad#and always just felt like he didnt really enjoy being a parent and would prefer doing literally anything else#is still like... I dunno man... rough I guess#maybe its because there is no part of me that ever wants to see awful ex friends again#but I do want to try to make things suck less with my parents#who knows#anyways
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sometimes I just look at lilith and go. you should be beefier
#she spends all the time she doesn't want to spend talking to people in the gym#anyway while most ocs sisters are more lithe than they are strong (and the fighting style the ocs teaches leans into that)#lilith is just a fucking force of nature#even before she dies and comes back wrong#like it all comes down to the fact that she wants nothing more than to be a protector#and that means filling in your sisters weaknesses#and most of them can't lift for shit (affectionate) so of course she has an insane training schedule#she draws that attention to herself on the battlefield#she makes herself a target so that they aren't#and it works! unless mary is there because a woman with two shotguns always tends to be the center of attention#anYWAY#beefcake lilith#come walk with me
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absolutely obsessed with everything billy hates about daisy after the first show bcs those are the exact things the others have pointed out about him
#she wants to be the center of attention#she thinks she knows better#shes saying she wrot the whole thing#sound familiar billy?#dani watches djats#daisy jones and the six
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hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.
and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.
i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.
where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).
but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?
#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady#but i don't ACT on it#and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human.#and at work we're stuck together#the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness#that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever.#bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't#i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention#i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you#you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it#it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments#to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy#and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you#that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit#like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to#modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind#and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill#3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO.#i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen#and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way#and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her!#'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!!#and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused??#like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ?#personal#*exhales* okay i feel better now#i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!!#but until i process it i can't let go#and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow#it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!
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