#and she said if i fail im not going back next semester but how does that help me. seriously how does that help me achieve anything.

[hauntedwoman]

gonna have to retake french next semester lol my mom is gonna kill meeeeeeeeee hehe

[luvyeni]

SAY CHEESE ,, 나재민

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ model!jaemin x fem!reader wc. 2.5k+

genre. smut

𓄷 includes ... fingering, unprotected sex, corruption kink, praise kink

「 authors note 𖹭 」 i needed a soft one , been doing cheating and yandere fics all week.

❪ masterlist! ❫

“i don't know chaewon,” you hear your roommate's footsteps padding behind you as you make your way into your bedroom— she was right on your hip as tried to close the door, pushing it open as you sat on your bed. “this is your assignment, and i don't feel comfortable doing it for you.”

your roommate whines sitting down on your bed as well. “please yn, i can't miss this internship it will be career changing, and you're the only person i know who can take photos as well as i do, maybe even better , and i know you wont try and fuck him cause you havent fucked anyone in your life.” she said, you scoffed. “why can't you text the guy and tell him you have another shoot?” you asked. “because this model is already hard to get and if i don't get this shoot im gonna fail my class.” she explained. “you passed this class last semester so you understand how much of a hard ass this teacher is.” she said.

“please yn,” she begged, “i will buy groceries for next month if you do this for me,” you thought about it, it was a good deal. “fine.” your friend smiled, clapping in excitement. “thank you, thank you so much.” she said hugging you. “okay, okay let me go.” you pulled away. “it's a two day shoot, he has his own hair and makeup team so all you have to do is show up and take pretty pictures of the pretty man.” she said. “who is this mysterious model who is so hard to get?”

“na jaemin.” she said, you knew the name; he was new to the modeling scene, but he was quickly growing, establishing himself in the cut throat industry. “how’d you manage to get him, i thought he was like london for a fashion show?” you asked. “what business does he have with a mediocre college student photoshoot?” your best friend scoffed. “ignoring the mediocre part, you know donghyuck?” you nodded, he had a crush on your roommate and was very open about it. “well he apparently knows jaemin, and he set this up for me , in exchange for a date.” you nodded. “using your assets, good for you.”

“yeah, and i didn't know this would be the only days he'd be free, and i didn't catch it until i checked my schedule.” she said standing up. “i'll text him and let him know, thank you so much.” you nodded. “Whatever, don't complain next month when it's time to shop for food.” she smiled sheepishly. “i won't promise.” she said. “now get out, i have to work on this essay that's due in like 4 hours.”

the next day was the day of the shoot, luckily you didn't have class so it wasn't a big inconvenience— the night before you made sure all your cameras were charged and working properly, thankfully they were and you were ready to go. “here's the address, you might want to get there earlier than he does so you can be ready , he's pretty busy and we don't know how long he has on his schedule.” your friend came back into your room , to which you agreed.

you got to the destination of the shoot a few hours before the shoot, cleaning up the place a bit; setting up the background and decorations. you brought a few snacks and drinks for him and his staff, also setting those out for the taking. you sent your roommate a quick message wishing her good luck with her internship, the door to the place opening. “hello?”

you looked up from your phone; he came in smiling, his team following behind him , he had this aura to him, he definitely was a model, he was attractive— very attractive, it made you kind of speechless. “h-hi.” you said, letting them come in. “you guys can set up over there.”

you finished up your texting, deciding to make yourself known for real. “hi im yn.” you watched him lift his eyebrow in confusion. “yn?” he asked. “what happened to chaewon? hyuck told me this was for her class.” chaewon didn't text him— you were gonna kill her. “it is, she had a internship today and she couldn't miss it, she also couldn't miss this shoot because then she'd fail this class and she didn't want to do that so she sent me.” jaemin watched you nervously fiddle with your finger as you explained yourself, smiling to himself. “is that okay? i can show you some of my work if it makes you comfortable.”

“no baby doll don't worry,” his words made you freeze up. “hyuck said chaewon was nice girl, so im sure she surrounds herself with other nice girls.” his eyes scanned up your body, making your cheeks heat up as he made eye contact with yours. “you seem like a nice girl.” you nodded, still flustered. “o-okay, i'm gonna go finish setting up, you guys can finish getting him ready, i brought snacks in case any of you get hungry they're over there so.” you quickly ran over to your camera. “she's cute.” his stylist said. “so adorable.” his makeup artist said, he smiled, pulling out his phone.

jaemin. your girl didn't show up, her roommate did.

hyuck. ik she text me , and told me, yn is a good girl though, she's also a photographer.

jaemin. single?

hyuck. definitely, she doesn't even come out much. why you like?

jaemin. very much.

hyuck. go for it then 😉

he watched you adjust the camera, muttering something to yourself, his stylist handed him his outfit to get changed into, he took the clothes into his hand, making his way over to you. he stood behind you, waiting for you to take notice of him. “we can get started when—” you turned around to where the boy was already standing there, extremely close, close enough where you could smell his cologne. “I have to change into my clothes.” he said. “chaewon gave me a dress code.” you nodded. “of course she did.” you looked around the studio. “there's no bathrooms in here , and i don't have the key to the one outside.”

“don't stress baby doll,” there was that nickname again, “i’ve had to change in public before, nothing knew.” he walked away leaving you confused, until you seen his arms lifting up and off his shirt went; your hands coming up to cover your eyes. “you-you're gonna get dressed here.” he laughed at you. “it's not like there's anywhere else,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “you act like you've never seen a naked man before.” you hadn't , but he didn't know that. “ju-just quickly get changed.” you fanned your heated face , he smiled.

jaemin knew you probably hadn't, he just wanted to see your reaction and he was thoroughly amused at what he was seeing. “get dressed and leave the poor girl alone.” his stylist said, slapping the back of his head. he finished changing his clothes, just as you were turning around. “great we can finally get started.”

the shoot went good, you took a bunch; a few you knew chaewon would like and a few you liked, you probably took over 100 photos of the boy; not that you were complaining, you got to stare at this gorgeous man and not look like a weirdo. “how do they look?” jaemin asked. “would you like to see?” he nodded, coming behind the camera; you showed him your laptop screen. “see?”

“you're really talented?” he watched you try and hide a smile at his praise. “you can smile baby doll, it was a compliment,” he said. “th-thank you.” you said with your head down. “which ones do you like?” he asked. “huh?” you said confused. “oh-oh well this is chaewons project so i just did what I know she likes.” he hummed, “yeah i know it's chaewons, but if it was your project, what would you choose?” you didn't realize how close he was until you could feel his breathing on your neck.

“um.” you clicked through the photos. “th-these three.” you pointed out. “oh someone likes my upper body i see?” he laughed as you turned around wide eyed, stuttering out an explanation. “don't worry i don't mind it all, i got into this business to be stared at and admired by pretty and sweet girls like you.” he said. “tell chaewon she should use these, her roommate has good taste.”

the rest of the shoot went by in a blur, soon you were cleaning up and jaemin was changing back into his comfortable clothes. “we'll go get the car ready.” he nodded, his small staff leaving the studio, leaving you and him alone; just what he wanted, he watched you talk on the phone. “i should be home soon, don't worry, yeah , no i'm not saying it, fine i love you too, bye.” you hung up. “boyfriend?” he asked, knowing the answer already. “oh no, that was chaewon.” you chuckled.

“so a pretty little thing like you don't have a boyfriend?” you shyly nodded, “like ever?” you were embarrassed. “no it's okay baby doll i'm just a bit shocked.” he said. “it's you're so pretty, I never would have imagined you were single.” he said , coming closer making you nervously turn around , but you could still get hear him getting closer until he was caging you against the table. “ja-jaemin.”

“come on pretty, let me make you feel good.” he pressed up against you. “turn around for me.” he whispered in your ear, smiling when obediently did. “good girl, you listen well.” you eyes were wide. “your staff.” he smirked. “trust, they know, don't worry about that.” his hand came up to your thigh, making its way up your skirt. “i-i’ve never done this before.” you felt his hand close to your clothed cunt. “i know pretty just relax.” you felt his hand on your mound, making you close your legs around his arms. “no.” he smiled. “you gotta keep them open if you want me to make you feel good.”

you slowly opened your legs allowing him to move again. “good girl.” he thumbed on your clit, you let out a whimper, biting your lip to cover it up. “let me hear all those pretty noises.” he pulled your panties to the side. “i'm gonna put a finger inside you, okay?” you nodded, his slowly ran his finger up your slit, before pushing his finger in. “ja-jaemin.” you moaned. “feel good?” he moved his finger in and out. “you're so wet, this pretty pussy never been played with, you're dripping all over my hand.”

you were a mess, your face was so fucked out from one finger it made him hard as a rock. “m’gonna add another one okay?” you nodded, he lifted your leg higher holding it as he added another finger. “good girl , taking two of my fingers.” he praised, you really like that, your cunt tightening around his digits. “you liked that? me praising you?” you nodded. “answer me baby doll , you like when i praise you?”

“y-yes i do.” you felt a sensation bubbling in your stomach. “ja-jaemin i feel.” you couldn't stop it from coming, your legs closing around his hand once again, as your orgasm washed over you.

jaemins eyes lit up light a child's on christmas morning as he watched you orgasm, your juices covering his finger. “there you go, cumming all over my hand.” he cursed, feeling his cock begging to be freed from his sweats. “good girl, let it all for me, fuck im so hard right now” he groaned, pressing his lip to the side of your head. “you want me to fuck you? stretch your little pussy out?”

you moaned, nodding. “pl-please.” you weren't really waiting for “the perfect guy” but right about now, you were really worked up and the way you could feel jaemins grinding his clothed cock against you— he was the perfect guy.

he lifted you on to the counter. “sh-shit.” he pulled his pants down enough to pull his cock out, hissing, the air hitting his leaky tip. “so fucking hard for you doll, ready for me?” you bit your lip as he lined his cock up to your entrance. “fuck.” he groaned as he slowly worked himself inside you. “jaemin.” you moaned, he held your hips down. “fuck don't move baby, let me do it.” he fully seethed himself inside you. “fuck, you're so tight.”

he slowly moved; your cunt barely letting him out, he was in heaven— and so were you, hold his bicep , your head thrown back as he fucked you, you never felt this sensation before, but you loved it. “please, faster.” you moaned , he smirked, speeding up. “you want more?” he groaned, his hips now slapping against yours with much force. “fuck baby doll i'll give you more.”

you could feel the counter below you shaking as he fucked into you vigorously. “that's it, take nana fat cock inside you.” he groaned, slowly losing himself. “fuck you're little pussy is so good.” he cursed. “fuck i'm gonna cum.” he moaned. “you going cum for me?” he toyed with your clit. “be a good girl and cum for me.”

and with his words and him fucking into you deeply, kissing your cervix you soon cumming hard, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as your cunt tightened around him, his cursed as he came inside you. “oh fuck yn.” he sighed, his head dropping as he came, you could feel him every inch of him twitching inside you you as he covered your inside in white. “oh fuck.”

he slowly pulled out, smirking as you whimpered. “so sensitive baby.” he said, his cum leaking from your hole. “that felt good baby.” he kissed your neck. “so good if my staff weren't waiting for me, i would stuff my cock back into your pretty pussy.” smiling as you whined. “there's always tomorrow.” he said, pulling away, finally letting you get dressed.

“will you be back tomorrow?” he asked. “yeah, chaewon has another day at her internship.” he helped you pack up all your cameras. “good.” he handed you the bag. “i’ll come without my staff,” you yelped as he pulled you close. “why?”

“because after you take all the pictures you need , i don't need any distractions when i teach you to take my cock in that pretty mouth.”

©LUVYENI

[shadow-says-hello]

Turn It Down

Finally decided to write something for Wednesday! I hope this is good enough :) <3

Summary: Enid blasts pop music while Wednesday is finishing up another novel. Since Wednesday and Enid have a close bond now, Wednesday has gotten a bit nicer (if you know what I mean.)

Lee Enid Ler Wednesday

Warnings: tickles, (NOT WENCLAIR) platonic pair only. Also this is the next semester in Nevermore.

Enid was usually a super sweet and outgoing girl. A lot of people loved Enid, since there honestly was nothing to like. The little werewolf was utterly adorable.

Wednesday was liked a lot for saving the school and sacrificing her life. But when you think of Wednesday Addams, you think of a gloomy, boring, and quite ‘emo’ girl.

But no one loved Wednesday more than Enid. Enid was always so proud to call Wednesday her roommate, no matter what other people said. And Wednesday knew how much Enid loved her.

They enjoy each other’s company in the small dorm room, and usually Enid wasn’t a huge problem to Wednesday.

Except for her loud pop music, full volume TikTok’s, and Enid’s loud laughter that fills the room every time she receives funny text messages.

Wednesday tells her to stop, and Enid mostly does, only by turning the volume down a little bit. Wednesday hated the pop music. Oi, was it annoying.

Wednesday just wanted to go over there and slap Enid. As much as she loved her, the music has got to stop.

“Don’t you have headphones you can put in? If you want to listen to loud music, go to the balcony.” Wednesday said.

“Just ignore it!” Enid replied cheerfully, putting on “Oh No!” By Marina. Still at full volume.

“Enid, I’m WRITING. I can’t focus if you continue playing that loud music, the ground is vibrating.” Wednesday snapped.

“But I love this song!!! I can’t turn it off now…” Enid whined.

“Turn it off. It’s easy. Just press the button on the speaker and go listen to it somewhere ELSE. Not where I am working.” Wednesday hissed.

After a few minutes, Enid finally listened and put in some headphones. Wednesday felt relieved, until…

“ONE TRACK MIND, ONE TRACK HEART! IF I FAIL I FALL APART! MAYBE IT IS ALL A TEST, CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I’M THE WORST, SO I ALWAYS ACT LIKE IM THE BEST!” Enid screamed with a smile across her face. Line after line, Enid didn’t stop.

“Alright, that’s it. I’m coming back there.” Wednesday said with anger building up in her tone, getting up from the chair and walking over to Enid’s side of the room and yanking the cord that connected the earbuds to the phone out, and then exiting out of all the music tabs.

“Heyyy!!!! W-Wednesday! I was listening to music!” Enid complained.

Wednesday whipped the phone at Enid’s giant pile of plush animals, so it didn’t break. Enid squirmed and tried to bear hug Wednesday. From behind, but Wednesday was too quick, and she tackled Enid to the floor and pinned her to the ground.

“What did you not understand when I told you to ‘keep quiet’.” Wednesday said with a very firm tone.

“But I like it! I guess I’m sorry, Wednesday, but I just like being loud!!!” Enid smiled.

Wednesday grabbed Enid’s arms and pinned them above her head, as Wednesday took a seat on Enid’s waist.

“Whahaht ahare youhou doihing, Wehehendesdahay?” Enid asked, a few giggles rising up her throat.

“Giving you what you deserve” Wednesday replied.

About a millisecond after she said that, Wednesday wasted no time in shoving her hands under Enid’s armpits and danced her manicured nails there.

“WEHEDENSDAY! NOHO! THAHAT TIHICKLES!!!!!!!!! MOHOVE SOHOMEWHEHERE EHELSE!!!!” Enid laughed harder.

“Poor choice of grammar on your end. Now you made it sound like you want me to tickle you.” Wednesday teased in her low-monotone voice.

“PFFFF HAHAHAHA!!!! IHI CAHANT TAHAKE IHIHIT!!!!!!!!!!!” Enid laughed really hard.

“Relax, it’s just a little bit of tickling, I’m barely even touching you. No need to be so overdramatic.” Wednesday teased more, switching spots and moving down to Enid’s ribs.

Enid continued to stay at her same level of giggles. Wednesday then shuffled down to Enid’s sides, making the werewolf shriek and go into silent laughter.

“Hm, well, this seems to be a real bad spot. Noted.” Wednesday couldn’t help but smile a little bit.

Enid thrashed and squirmed, her crop top type shirt riding up a little bit in the process. Wednesday didn’t want to make her completely uncomfortable, so very lightly Wednesday dragged her nail below Enid’s belly button, and then dragging her nails on Enid’s sides.

Enid was laughing a little too hard, her face was flushed red and her eyes were watering a bit.

“WHAHAT AHARE YOHOU DOHOING NOW!???!!!” Enid laughed, squirming at the light touch of Wednesday’s nails on her belly.

Wednesday pulled Enid’s shirt down a bit, and then blew a raspberry on her belly, half of the raspberry was on her shirt and the other half of it was on her bare stomach. Enid was literally dying.

After the raspberries, Wednesday nuzzled her face into Enid’s tummy, the tips of her braids brushing against Enid’s ticklish sides. Wednesday then gave Enid a ton of side squeezes, making her squeal.

“IHI GIHIVE! WEHEDNEHESDAHAY, PLEHEHEASE STOHOP IHIT!” Enid begged through her loud cackles and laughter.

After about 10 seconds, Wednesday stopped, released Enid’s arms, and got up off of her waist.

“I hope you learned, because if you do that again, I’ll tickle you so hard you’ll be crying. And next time I’ll blow 10x more raspberries. I have everything that just happened noted in my head.” Wednesday said, returning to her desk.

“Dang.” Enid said, getting up and fixing her messy hair and pulling her shirt down. Enid didn’t really want to tell Wednesday, but she really loved that experience.

After that, Enid tried and tried to tickle Wednesday, but it just didn’t work. Wednesday just ended up getting her back more times.

The end ;)

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this fic, I tried really hard! <3

[silentmoths]

When will I see you again? (In your dreams)

Writing fairy chose violence today, I don't usually write a lot of angsty stuff so idk if im actually any good at it but here you go kids.

Now I wish i knew what it was called, but this is actually based off an old animation i remember, likely a college final thesis work so I cant claim all the spain for it but I hope yall like it.

Zhongli x Afab Reader

Hurt/very little comfort, angst, modern setting

Your parents were fighting...again.

It was never anything new, the status quo always seemed to dictate that every time you trudged through the door after a long day of college classes, they'd be at eachothers throats, yelling about something.

Money, the car, house maintenence, affairs.

You just...wished they'd hurry up and get divorced...only a couple more months and you could finally move out, leave all of this behind.

but until then, you slink past their screaming mach in the kitchen and up the stairs to your room; your safe haven, and you immediately crawl into bed for a nap.

As soon as you descend into sleep, a hand brushes your cheek and you immediately feel at home.

"How was class?" The familiar, warm, deep voice beside you asks as you simply lay in the grass, content to let him pet your cheek and your hair.

"Long..."

"Are they fighting again?"

"when aren't they, Zhongli?" You sigh, finally fluttering open your eyes to look up at him.

Of all the things that were a constant in your life, Zhongli was definitely the prettiest.

He'd been here, in your dreams, since you were a child. When you'd begun to make your own world to retreat to when your parents raised their voices. A calm, comforting presence that loved you and wanted you.

No one cared to hear about Teyvat, and all it's whimsical glory, all the interesting characters and magic; they all said you were crazy, it was just make-believe and you would grow out of it.

Yet here you are, nearly twenty-two, and still escaping to this world whenever you could.

Zhongli smiles softly, and leans down to press a kiss to your nose, laying to settle beside you so you could shuffle into the warm familiarity of his chest, hear his heartbeat and feel his breath.

"Soon, darling...you are still planning on moving next semester, no?"

"yeah...my friends are organizing a place..." you confirm "and then I'll be outta here..."

Zhongli hums and nods, long fingers playing with your hair. "I do hope you'll continue to visit me."

You snort, looking up at him "Of course I would, every time I fall asleep."

---

A month to go.

Just one more month of dealing with three-am screaming matches.

Between studying for your exams, assignments, and your parents godawful screaming, sleep had been hard to come by.

You tell the doctor as much, leaving out your parents fighting. She taps away at her keyboard, eyeing you up and down as you fidget nervously in your chair, the bags beneath your eyes dark and prominent, the anxious energy overflowing; you can tell she's trying to figure out if you're just bluffing for drugs, but eventually she nods and hits print.

"One of these a night, fifteen minutes before bed, do not take more than one a day, I know its nearing the end of the semester so I'll give you a single repeat, and then if it's still a promblem, come back and see me." The doctor sighs, handing the prescription for sleeping pills to you. you take the sheet gratefully and scuttle away.

Zhongli is waiting when the pill kicks in that night, pulling you into his arms and simply swaying with you a while.

"I thought you were avoiding this place." He sighs, nose contently buried in your hair. "Avoiding me..."

"never." You croon, content at being held and loved, burying your own face into the crook of his neck "I was trying so hard to come back..."

"Is it getting bad?" he asks, you nod. He does not question any more, arms shifting to scoop you into his arms.

"Soon, my darling." He reassures, you nod, praying he's right.

---

You'd failed the exam.

You stare despondently down at the mark, it's horrible, it's so bad that your professor has even scribbled a comment in red marker.

'I expected better of you'

that stings.

you'd have to go see him later, ask if there was a makeup exam or some extra credit you could do, something, anything, to imrpove your mark; but for now you needed to meet up with your friends, to sort out moving dates.

--

"do you really want her moving in?"

"Pshh no! I said it to be nice I didnt actually expect her to take the offer! hell I'd prefer you moved in instead! She's a freak! always talking about her stupid make believe world. It was cool when we were kids but now? Now it's just sad. she needs to get laid or something..."

Your 'friends' dont see you, pressed against the wall, dont see the tears spilling over your cheeks, hand pressed to your mouth to muffle your sobs. When you do finally make yourself known to them, they just...look at you.

Theres no remorse in their eyes or in their words, apologies halfhearted and shrugged off with a 'but it's kinda true though'.

you turn and leave the campus.

--

Your mom finds your grades.

She's screaming, at you now.

And when your dad gets home? well, for once they agree with something, they scream, but not at each other; at you.

"If you think we're going to pay for failing grades, you have another thing coming!" your dad shouts, they do not pay your tuition, you do.

"Pull your head out of your ass before we pull you out of school!" your mother adds, they cannot pull you out of school they do not pay your tuition.

when they're finally done yelling at you, they once again turn back to echother, blaming one another for their failing daughter, as you trudge up the stairs, fingers rubbing the red hand-shaped mark on your cheek as you drop your bag and shut the door.

what were you meant to do now?

You feel your resolve crumbling away.

---

Your little world seems to be...crumbling a little when you finally open your eyes.

Zhongli looks over his shoulder before rushing to you and helping you up, pulling you close.

"Darling, what's going on?" He asks, frantic as you smile softly up at him.

"Oh Zhongli...everything's wrong..nothing is alright..." you whisper as Zhongli looks around, frantically as buildings and scenery crumble around him.

"What did you do? what's happening?"

"I took them. all of them"

"Took what, darling?"

"The pills."

You watch as Zhongli's eyes grow wide with horror.

"The Sleeping pills!? Darling why? why would you do that!?" His voice shakes as he sits you down, prying your mouth open and jamming two fingers right to the back of your throat, but this is nothing but a dream, there was no gag reflex to found.

"So I could stay here, with you...forever." you whisper, smiling up at him, reaching shakily for his face to wipe away a single, golden tear "Dont cry, Li...we can..be together now...just like we were meant to."

"Darling-" He chokes out, pulling you close as the very fabric of this reality begins to collapse around them "You're dying! you have to wake up! if you dont..."

You shake your head, leaning your face into his chest as he curls around you "I dont...I dont ever want to leave...never again..please...stay with me?"

His tears are warm as they splash across your cheeks, but he takes a deep breath, swallowing down the lump in his throat before settling beside you, holding you in his arms as he manages a small, sincere smile and presses a gentle kiss to your lips.

"Every time I fall asleep."

taglist: @stygianoir @meimeimeirin @ainescribe @rjssierjrie want to be added to the list? shoot me an ask!

[rommahh]

Better

Word Count: 3.9K

Pairing: Buckybarnesxfem!reader

{This is for @metalbuckaroo's challenge. I had this brewing for a minute but college has got in a chokehold. I chose prompt #30 from the given prompt list. I hope y'all like this read. Love, R}

Bucky trailed behind Y/N as she ignored his calls. Her boots clicked loudly in the small hallway as she rushed towards their shared apartment. Her keys shook in her hand, body tense with anxiety and anger.

Bucky reached her at the door, his hands loosely gripping her arms. Y/N shoved the door open, her body snapping away from his. Y/N haphazardly throws her keys in the small bowl that sat on the hallway side table.

Her chest heaved with deep breaths as she tried to remain calm.

“Y/N please, what is going on? Why are you so mad?” Bucky questioned, slamming the door behind him as his own frustrations started to catch up with him.

“I'm going to bed.” Is all she said to him without even meeting his eyes. She was quick to enter her room and lock the door before he could say anymore. Bucky stood behind her door in confusion. His body still tingled with the lasting effects of the shots he took hours prior.

Sitting on your bed, Y/N finally released. Her shoulders dropped, her body hunching over itself as the tears started flowing.

Y/N had been looking for Bucky for what felt like hours. He was her ride back to the apartment and having been at this party for over four hours- she was exhausted. There was a twinge of disappointment that lingered in her caused by Bucky's disappearance. He invited her to this party tonight but quickly left her to her own devices the moment the both of them walked through the frat’s doors.

The house was mainly empty except for the few lingering bodies that were drunkenly wandering around. She climbed up the stairs that lead to a common room on the second floor. Y/N’s cute white go-go boots were tight on your feet, making her wince at every step. Fashion was a moment type thing, not a four hour long excursion.

Y/N heard a group of voices leading from the common room once you reached the top of the stairs. She listened out waiting to see if she could hear Bucky’s voice before walking through the doors of the common room.

“I don't know why you hang out with that girl Bucky.” Her ears perked at his name. Y/N almost walked through the door but she took a step back to listen to what they were saying.

“Yeah, shes fucking weird.” The group laughed. “I mean look at how she dressed tonight. She’s wearing a costume.”

Y/N looked down at her 80’s inspired dress with a frown. She thought she looked cute tonight, Bucky said she looked cute. She couldn't stop blushing after she heard his words.

“She’s a freak barnes. All she does is follow you around. Are you sure you guys aren't dating?” One of the boys asked with a chuckle. No one said her name yet but she knew they were talking about her. She could tell.

“Y/N’s not that bad. She just doesn't have any friends. I don't like her like that, not my type. She's got that weird anxiety thing.” Bucky's voice finally sounded out from the group. Y/N heart hurt hearing his words. Weird anxiety thing?

“Yeah, making her a freak. So you're just friends with her out of pity? Are you at least getting community service hours?” The group laughed again, Bucky's deep laugh standing out to Y/N.

“You have a lot of strength for a man who's not getting any ass from the girl he's keeping company with. Shes weird as fuck but her body is still bangin. Have you ever copped a feel of her tits? I would hang out with the loser if I got to fuck her too.” Someone commented. Y/N felt bile rise in her throat. She could feel a panic attack approaching having heard the sexual comments about her body. She stepped out from around the wall into the common room. All eyes snapped up to her, some eyes widening in shock. Bucky just looked up, not catching on that his roommate may have heard the horrid words said about her.

“I-im ready to go home, Bucky.” She hadn't looked up from where her feet were rooted on the stained wood floors. Bucky slowly wobbled up from his seat. The rest of the guys watching quietly, some snickering at Bucky's submissiveness.

“Here sweets, you're gonna have to drive.” Bucky says handing his keys over to Y/N. Without looking at him, she snatches the keys from his hands and quickly retreats to his car. Bucky stumbles behind her confused by her attitude.

Y/N walked to Bucky’s car, arms covering whatever they could cover on her body. Her mind telling her she was unsafe, her anxiety telling her even worse things.

Bucky eyes burned from the headache he had. He felt physically ill as he woke up from the living room couch. Last night's activities blur in his mind, no clear memories presenting themselves. He sits up to rest his forearms on his knees trying to calm his bubbling stomach.

The first thing he notices as he comes to his senses is the lack of Y/N’s noise. Normally the small apartment would be filled with the sounds of her sunday playlist as she cleans about. He also doesn't smell her extra dark and strong coffee that she only makes for sundays. He doesnt smell her out of the can cinnamon rolls either that she would normally wake him up with on a small tray with said coffee.

He finds it odd that her presence is lacking in the apartment. Standing, he makes his way over to her room knocking on it slightly. He hears shuffling from the other side but no one comes to open the door.

“Hey sweets, everything ok?” He knocks again to gain her attention.

“I-Im fine Bucky, please go away.” She stutters out to Bucky. Bucky is shocked by her statement not used to being pushed away by her.

“Oh ok, just let me know if you need anything.” He says quietly.

Y/N remained the same way over the next few days. She rarely came out of her room when she was in the apartment leaving Bucky on his own. She stopped making him meals out of kindness or filling up his canisters of water for workouts. She stopped baking him treats as midday pick me ups. She didnt wait for him to get out of classes so they could gossip about what was going on on campus. She didnt bother him at all.

Bucky felt uneasy about Y/N’s silence. He was hurt by her sudden disappearance. Hurt that she could just ghost him without any reason. But there was a reason, Bucky just didnt remember.

Y/N sluggishly walked into the apartment after taking an extensive exam in one of her classes. She tried to walk quietly throughout the apartment to not catch the attention of Bucky. She walks softly on her feet close to the opening of the kitchen.

“Hey.” A quiet voice makes Y/N jump in her spot. Her mission of going unnoticed failed. Bucky leans against the kitchen counter that is parallel to the opening of the kitchen. His feet are crossed in front of him, hands holding a cup of tea.

“Hi.” Her tone matches his. She turns her body to face his, hands fidgeting with each other. She slightly moved from foot to foot, a trait that had been acquired out of nerves. Bucky recognized her tic, his heart constricting at the thought that he might have done something to cause it.

“Y/N, please, what's going on?” Bucky can see that she's not wearing one of her normal outfits that are adorned in bright colors and fun patterns. Instead, her body is covered in a boring sweater that hides most of her body. She wears a large pair of jeans underneath, a belt tightly bounding it to her body.

“Nothing Bucky.” She dismisses. Bucky feels his anger peak. A range of emotion he tried to hide away breaching over its point. He missed his best friend beyond belief and all she could give was a few words.

“It's not nothing Y/N!” He snaps slamming his mug of tea on the counter. Y/N flinches at the sound. Her hands start to shake, not out of fear of Bucky but from unwarranted anxiousness. “I've given you your space but its killing me. I miss you Y/N. I dont get what happened?”

Y/N feels her eyes well up with tears.

“You hurt me Bucky.” It was Bucky’s turn to flinch hearing her words. He hurt her?

“I don't know what I did though.” His voice sounded childlike as he whined.

“At the party, you let your friends talk poorly about me. You-you let them call me a freak and-and weird. They made fun of my clothes and said you were hanging out with me out of pity and you just sat there and laughed James!” Her voice rose with every word. Bits and pieces of that night float around in his head. He can slightly remember the conversation but nothing is clearly showing in his head.

“I'm sorry they said that Y/N but you know that's not true. We both know our relationship, I don't know why you're letting them get to you.”

“They talked about my anxiety. You talked about my anxiety!”

“That's it? That's why you're not talking to me?” He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

“You let them sexualize me!” The kitchen filled with an uncomfortable silence. Bucky’s exterior softened.

“What?” His tone was drastically softer than it was earlier.

“You just sat and listened to them as they talked about my body. They talked about my boobs and if youve had sex with me and you said nothing. They said that they would hang with the loser if they could fuck me...How could you let them say that about me?” Y/N whimpered. Her hands cradled her face as she sobbed. Bucky saw the way her chest heaved with each sob, tears forming in his own eyes.

“I didn't know. I wouldn't have let them say those things sober. You have to know that.” He almost fell to his knees pleading for her forgiveness.

“You even said you wouldn't date me. I know its stupid but I thought you liked me back. You told me you loved me. You've taken me out on dates. You've kissed me for goodness sake!”

“I know and I'm sorry. I do like you, I don't know why I said that. I like you so much.” His knees buckled slightly but he held his ground.

“Obviously you dont Bucky. We should just stay away from each other from now on and I won't be renewing my leasing contract at the end of the semester.” She finalizes. Buckys whispers a small no in protest. “You really hurt me, Bucky. I would never let anyone slander you. I respect you too much to allow for someone else to disrespect you.”

With that being said, she gave Bucky one last look over before walking away. Bucky was knocked out of his thoughts at the sound of her door slamming shut and the lock being secured.

Bucky sat on the kitchen floor, the cold tile seeping through his pants to chill his legs. His face adorned with a frown, tears sliding down his warm cheeks. Y/N was his best friend and he ruined it by being a shitty person. He knows he should have defended her, defended their relationship.

Bucky’s rolly chair was his only source of entertainment at his desk in the lobby of the admissions office. Today was a slow day. There were only a few students who came in asking for help finding buildings or looking for the financial aid office. Some high school student came in for tours but his coworkers beat him to doing tours so here he was stuck in the quiet office. He had already stolen a large amount of guest snacks, a cold bottle of tea and a sugar cookie with the school's logo on it.

His chair spinning activities came to a halt when he heard the front door open with a small jingle sounding from it. He took a moment to let the dizziness fade away before he looked up. Bucky felt his breath stop in his throat.

There stood a girl with overalls and a bright colored top. She wore dark green converse, high tops, with frilly socks that peeked from the top. She had large glasses that framed her face perfectly. She was looking around the office, eyes wide with wonder. Her eyes finally met Bucky's, making a large smile appear on her face.

“Hi!” She exclaimed walking up to Bucky’s desk.

“Hey, what can I help you with today?” Bucky asked cooly.

“I just transferred here and I was wondering if you knew where I could apply for on campus jobs?” She placed her hands on top of the counter of Bucky’s desk. He admired her baby blue acrylics that had white flowers on them.

“Oh um, the admissions office is hiring. We do all of the tours for highschool students, or package and mail acceptance letters. Sometimes we plan scholarship events. It's an easy pay type of job. I just sit here and do homework my whole shift.” Bucky answers. “What's your name so I can get my boss to contact you?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” Bucky quickly scribbled your name on a post it note and stuck it to his laptop as a reminder. “Do you really like this job or are you just trying to pull me in?” She jests with a small smile on her face.

“I mean it's a decent job but im sure with you working here it would make it ten times prettier.” Bucky smirked at the giggle that escaped Y/N. He wasn't normally a flirt but he couldn't help himself with this one.

“Oh really? How many times have you said that line to a girl?” Bucky put a hand to his chest in a fake offense.

“You think too low of me Y/N. I saved that one for the prettiest girl to walk through the door.”

“Hmm, ok. I'll believe it only because my ego needs this boost. Hey, you never told me your name. How am I supposed to write about this encounter in my journal if I don't have your name?”

“My name is James but I prefer if people just call me Bucky. Short for Buchanon, I know it's weird.” Bucky leans back in his chair, arms crossed. He can see her eyes checking out the way his muscles flex underneath his long sleeve shirt. He may have purposefully flexed a little extra for show.

“No, I love it. I dont think ive ever met a Bucky.” She counters. She leans forward, placing her elbows on the counter, her chest pressed against the front of the counter.

“Well I'm glad I'm your first Bucky.” He jokes with a small smile on his face. There was a small moment of silence shared between the two as they just looked at each other. Bucky couldn't help but think about how cute she was as Y/N thought the same thing.

“Oh gosh, I'm probably holding you up from your work.” She snaps out of her little spell rolling her eyes at herself. “I should get going.”

Bucky frowned at the idea of her leave, wanting nothing more than to continue talking to the new girl.

“Right, of course. Maybe I could get your number...so I can notify you about the job.” Bucky proposes. Y/N raises one eyebrow in question, a knowing smile placed on her lips.

“Sure thing bucky.” He hands her a pen and post it for her number. “I wouldn't be opposed to you using this number for things other than work too.” She suggested. She signed her name on the post it note ending it with a small heart.

“I will definitely take you up on that offer. No take backs though when I start sending you random shit.” She giggled, leaning up from her spot. Bucky basked at the sweet sound. He stood up to meet her on the other side of the desk.

“Well Bucky, it was lovely to meet you.” She stuck her hand out for him to shake, he reciprocated the action. Her hands were soft and warm, he thought. She gave him one last smile before walking away.

It was warm outside on the quad as Bucky sat by himself. He sat at the table that would normally be occupied by Y/N and him. Y/N would bring lunch- made by her. Anytime Bucky would try to help her by making lunch she would kick him out of the kitchen. Today, Bucky sat by himself, with no hand made lunch. He had a greasy bag of french fries and a large coke. He planned on eating his sorrows away.

“Hey Bucky!” A voice yelled out to him. Looking up from his fries, Bucky looked towards the sound that broke him out of his fries excursion. Tanner and Logan, his friends from the party, came walking over to him. They both sat down, throwing their lunch onto the table.

“Where's Ms. weirdo?” Tanner asks, mouth full of food. Bucky grimaced at Tanner's manners. He also felt the anger he should have felt on Saturday bloom in his chest.

“She's not weird.” Bucky snapped, fists tightening in his lap. Tanner scoffed, Logan laughing along with him.

“Says you. She is fucking weird. Did you finally get some from her or something? Defending her and shit.” Logan clapped Tanner on his back agreeing with him. “Shit, good for you dude. I would have fucked her a while ago. Probably would have kept her face down so I wouldn't have to see her-”

Before Tanner could finish his sentence, he was thrown from his seat from the powerful punch being landed on his jaw. His feet flew from where he was sitting, landing on his back with a heavy thud.

“Dude what the fuck?” Tanner stood wiping his face from the blood that started to trickle down from his bloody eyebrow. Bucky had never felt anger like this before. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His cheeks were red and warm, eyebrows turned down.

“No, you don't get to make fun of her and make sexual comments about her.” Bucky snarled. Tanner rolled his eyes, walking closer to Bucky.

“Oh fuck off with that! You didn't defend her this hard on saturday.” Tanner's mistake after his words was shoving Bucky's shoulders back. Bucky reacted quickly by shoving Tanner with even more force.

Tanner threw a punch to Bucky’s jaw, making his head fly back. Bucky tackled Tanner to the ground, throwing punches left and right. Tanner fought back, hands flying landing punches wherever he could land them.

Logan was able to pull Bucky off of Tanner, warning the two that campus police would arrest them if they were caught. Both boys stared at each other fuming. Bucky snatched his trash and his backpack up, the scowl never leaving his face.

“If I ever see you looking or talking to Y/N, I will bash your face in.” Bucky growled.

Y/N felt better today. She found the strength to wear a cute outfit versus the oversized clothes she had been wearing prior out of fear. She didn't want anyone to look at her in any harmful way. She wanted to wear her cute outfits that were sometimes form fitting and short. She liked to wear her cute period pieces that had her own twist on them. She spent many years hating her body and the way she looked. She deserved to feel cute without thinking she is at fault for being sexualized and poorly treated.

She whipped out one of her favorite outfits today, loving the way it fit on her body making her feel confident. Sitting at the front desk of the admissions office, her feet propped up on the desk. Her shift was going by slowly, no one needing assistance this late in the day.

The door burst open making Y/N jump from her seat. She stood up shocked to see Bucky walk in with a huff. He wasn't supposed to work today but here he was. Y/N gasped looking at his cut lip and bruising eye.

“Bucky, what happened?” She maneuvered her way around the desk to stand in front of the beat up boy. She placed both of her hands on his cheeks to examine his injuries. He moved his face away from her tears brimming his eyes.

“I'm sorry Y/N. I'm really sorry. I should have protected you from them. I should've told them not to speak about you that way. You are more than some eye candy for men to act disgusting towards. You are beautiful and eclectic. You have a brilliant mind that shines brighter than anyone elses on this campus.” He spoke to her softly.

“I don't understand Bucky. What made you have this change of heart? You didn't give two shits about me last weekend.” She crossed her arms defensively.

“I know and I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol but that's no excuse. I love you. I love all of you. You're not weird. You're your own person and I love everything about you. You do so much for me and I feel like shit for not doing the bare minimum for you.” His words stunned her.

“You love me?”

“God, with everything I have. Since the day you walked in here with those overalls. I've spent the past four years loving you.” Bucky whispered. He grabbed her hand, thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

“I love you too, Bucky.  I really do and I'm hurt. I don't think the hurt will go away for some time. You let them speak horribly about me. If you loved me like I was your girl, you would have defended me.” She spoke sorrowfully.

“I know, I know. I can't change the fact that I did nothing but I can tell you that I'm sorry. I'm always going to protect you. I did today. Tanner may be sporting a nasty goose egg on his eye because of his dumbass words.” Y/N giggled softly, touching his bruising knuckles.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

“I want to go back to normal. I miss you in the mornings and-and during our lunch breaks outside. I miss you.” Bucky stated.

“I miss you too.”

Bucky watched her eyes drop down to his lip, busted and all. He leaned forward slightly hoping she would meet him in the middle. She met him the rest of the way pressing her lips to his. Bucky relished this moment. He relished to be even sharing  moments with the girl he's been in love with since the second he saw her.

“I'm gonna be better, I promise.”

[softyoongiionly]

🌸just let me adore u🌸

Yoongi has a new kink and, that kink is love.

(set in the fear and dumplings universe because IM SO SOFT FOR YOONGI TODAY OH MY GOD)

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

A/N: I am...a mess. i love yoongi so much, that is all. 

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: smut, language, LOVE!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH LOVE!!!!

The next morning, you awoke to the sound of rain against the windows of the car. The sound is calming and accompanied by the familiar hum of morning traffic. You feel a sense of peace as you snuggle further into the warm body underneath you. The events that had transpired the night before played over and over as you tried to contain the sleepy smile that teased your lips. Yoongi’s profession, his hands, his throat, the way he spoke to you: it was everything you could have ever wanted. There was a serious urge to pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming but, you decided against it when you realize that you and Yoongi had fallen asleep in the same position you two had fucked in. Your dress still lay on the floor of Yoongi’s back seat and his button up was still hanging haphazardly off of his body. You bit your lip as you took in the sight of Yoongi’s neck which was decorated with at least 5 purple bite marks from your frantic mouth. The color suited his throat entirely too well and, you had to resist the urge to suck more of his tender skin into your mouth. You knew that Yoongi definitely had a few pent up kinks that much was clear but, you weren’t sure if he would appreciate a hicky as a wakeup call.  

Sound familiar?

Of course it does.

You did this a few weeks ago only…

This time…

This time, you were in love.

“Are you awake?” Yoongi’s gentle voice pulls you out of your daydream as you slowly untuck your face from his neck.   Yoongi’s sporting a bemused expression, his eyes filled with genuine adoration, his pretty lips curved up into a small smile, “There she is…good morning.”

There isn’t anything else to do but, kiss him at this point because; he looks so adorable you want to die.

Soft kisses are placed into his smiling mouth, your hands bracing themselves against his cheeks causing him to giggle into your lips.

“Good morning my beautiful…” kiss “beautiful” kiss “beautiful” kiss “boyfriend.”

Yoongi’s hands secure themselves onto your waist, pulling you closer to him, relishing in your attention, feeling like a kid on Christmas.

“You still want to be my girlfriend I see…” He remarks playfully but, you know there is some seriousness in his question.

It is Yoongi after all.

Incredulously, you pull away from his lips, “Still? What do you think I slept on it and, then woke up and, was like ‘hmm actually I hate that guy’ lemme dip out really quick?”

Yoongi chuckles, but there is softness glued to his features, “I don’t know…I thought maybe my skills between your thighs had you feeling some type of way…”

Heat rushes to your cheeks as you literally feel the sensation of Yoongi’s tongue echoing against your core from the previous night.

He had a point…

“I could say the same for you, you know. You professed your love to me while you were inside of me soooo…”

You nudge his nose, giggling as his hands move to pinch your sides.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about…” He mumbles against your lips, smirking slightly before leaning in to kiss you again. “Also, why didn’t you tell me you knew some Korean hm? I was trying to be slick…”

God, he sounded hot in the morning…

“Yoongi you said Saranghae…that is like the first phrase anyone learns in Korean.” You laugh, pecking against his lips, “I got a few other words too, although the fact that I don’t know everything you said to me is slowly eating me alive so, thanks for that.”

He chuckles warmly, leaning back against the backseat of his car, “You’re welcome. I gotta have some sort of advantage...now that my secret is out.”

His attitude tickles you, as it’s a part of Yoongi’s charm but, it’s also one of his coping mechanisms.

But, he’s working on his sincerity and, so are you.

So, this morning, underneath the sound of the rain, you decide that you’re going to let him have it…

“I really am so in love with you…” You whisper, softening your gaze, thumbing across his cheek, “When I heard you say it…I…” A deep breath is pulled through your nose as the stinging of tears threatens the corners of your eyes, “I felt like I was dreaming. I couldn’t believe I was lucky enough to have someone like you fall in love with me.”

Try as you might, the tears win the battle and spill over your bottom lashes.

Yoongi feels his heart constricting in his chest as his hands quickly pull you against him, his lips finding the side of your face.

“You’re going to make me cry, stop…” He chuckles but, there is instability in his voice as he cuddles you closer, “How could I not fall in love with you hm? You didn’t give me much of a choice.”

A shaky chuckle leaves your lips as you wrap your arms around him, feeling soft and small in his grip, something that is usually foreign to you.

“So, you’re saying this was by force then?” You tease, tucking your face into his neck.

With another kiss to your cheek, Yoongi pulls you out of his neck, cradling your face between his hands. His eyes are glossy and, you know he’s doing everything in his power to hold back the tears.

“I’m saying…” He smirks, his pinky tracing underneath your right eye, “…when someone so beautiful…” He kiss your lips, “So kind” another kiss, “and so, fucking brilliant.” One more kiss and, then he pulls back to look at you, “gives you the time of day, you have no choice but to fall in love with them.” Yoongi chuckles almost incredulously, kissing you again before whispering, “…falling in love with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

And, once again, there really isn’t another choice is there?

You gotta kiss him, for the hundredth time.

And you do, for a few moments the two of you grin and, indulge in one another like the lovesick fools that you are.

While you’d like to have another repeat of last night, Yoongi isn’t content with fucking you in his car again.

He wants you back home in the comfort of his bed, where he has the room to love on you like he wants to.

And, he lets you know as soon as you start pressing your hips against him.

“As much as I want you to fuck me, we don’t have the space for what I want you to do to me…” He croons into your ear causing you to groan in frustration.

“Noooo…” You protest, wiggling in his grip, eliciting a rickety chuckle from his throat, “tell me what you’re saying…no more secrets.”

Yoongi’s laughter continues, kissing all over your face in an attempt to lessen your pouting, “Come back to my place with me, I wanna make my girlfriend breakfast” He smiles as your expression seems to soften before placing a kiss against your ear, “and then, if you want, we can go to my room and, take care of eachother.”

Well, that made your panties wet.

‘Take care of each other’ is probably the sweetest way to describe sexual activity but, the way Yoongi’s raspy voice murmurs it in your ear, makes it sound like a dirty secret.

Like it’s something just for the two of you.

It feels like that sometimes…

“We can do it all day if you want to.” He whispers again, nibbling on your earlobe and, if you’re panties were wet before, they feel as though they are drenched now.

---------------

After resisting the urge to beg Yoongi to fuck you in the backseat, the two of you drive back to his place.

According to him, Hoseok and Namjoon are probably upstairs sleeping off a hangover due to their presence at a frat party the night before.

Yoongi makes you breakfast; bacon, eggs, toast and, a big bowl of fresh fruit you help cut up while he was frying the bacon. The two of you ate at the dining room table, speaking between bites of food about the ending of the semester, Jimin’s showcase and, everything in between.

Breakfast moves along comfortably but, Yoongi’s been watching the way your lips form around your words, the way they close around a morsel of food. He’s been watching the way your eyes light up as you talk, the way they sparkle with enthusiasm as you speak to him.

Fuck, he’s never been more enamored with another person.

He doesn’t really care how well he eats or how well he scrubs the bottom of the pan, right now, all he wants is you.

“I’m cold…”He mumbles into your hair as he arms secure themselves around your waist, his voice slightly smaller than before , “are you almost done?”

You giggle, setting down the dish your currently drying to cuddle back against him, “Yes, do you need me for something?”

He grumbles, tugging you further away from the sink, tucking his face into your neck, “It’s time for beeeedddd…”

This causes your laughter to increase because, despite the sun being hidden behind a few clouds, it’s clearly 10am.

“We literally just had breakfast.” You point out, stumbling as he continues pulling you towards the bedroom.

He chuckles shamelessly, tugging you through the doorway of his room, “Its. Time. For. Bed.”

Yoongi sounds slightly childish and, its warming your heart from the inside out. You’ve never seen him so playful before, so carefree…

“Can I at least have something to change into then? Since I never have a chance to pack before coming over to your house.” You giggle as he detaches himself from you, rushing over to his dresser before tugging out a mass of black material and, tossing it towards you.

“Here…” He mutters, smirking fondly at your failed attempt to catch it, “How did you manage to miss that?”

“Shut up…” You giggle, pulling off your dress and, slipping the soft t-shirt over your body.

Not more than thirty seconds later, you’re sitting on Yoongi’s lap, placing sweet and messy kisses against his lips.

And, he’s smiling into yours all the while, his hands exploring the curves of your body.

He’s throbbing and hard beneath you but, there’s no need to rush, you’ll be on him soon enough.

“I can’t believe you’re actually my girlfriend…” He whispers, beaming, nuzzling his nose against yours.

He’s being so sweet, caressing your skin, sucking gently on your lip, taking the time to play with your hair, he’s all over you.

“I can’t believe you’re actually my boyfriend, I used to think you hated me...” You giggle and, this causes his own giggle to show itself as his lips find the tender spot on your neck.

“I’ve adored you for so long though, I just never let you see it. Cause I didn’t think you’d want me.” He confesses, feeling safe enough to disclose his doubts, cause he knows you get it.

You always do.

“Well I do.” You smile, kissing the side of his head and, his breath picks up slightly when he feels you press your core against him, “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. I don’t think I’ll ever want anyone else this way…”

He’s inside of you moments later, slowly unraveling you from within but, the two of you take your time with eachother, not rushing the end, not wanting the end.

Yoongi pulls away from your neck, his dark eyes locking with yours as he guides your hips on his dick, “It feels so good…how does it feel so good everytime jagi?” He doesn’t break your gaze but, he looks desperate for an answer, he looks so in love, you feel yourself getting choked up.

“Cause you deserve it…” The reply is whispered against his lips and, even through the haziness of his pleasure, you make him smile.

“Yeah? You think so?” His voice is growing reedier when your hips pick up their pace on him, his whole body becoming infected with pleasure, “fuck please don’t keep doing that, please…don’t stop.”

How could you?

How could you stop when everything feels so good, when your beautiful boyfriend is pleading into your neck.

“Are you going to cum for me beautiful?” You whisper into his ear, causing a shiver to wrack through his body, “Are you gonna cum inside for me? Show me how much you love me?”

“Mhm…” He whimpers, his hips moving with more urgency whilst his heart thrashes in his chest, “You love me too right?”

He’s checking because, he still can’t believe it’s a yes but, also because the phrase coming from your lips ruins him, because he knows if you say it…he’s done for.

With your hands sliding up his back, you kiss all over the side of his face, your own orgasm careening towards you, “I love you so much Yoongi…is that what you want to hear baby? Does hearing your girlfriend say she loves you make you wanna cum?”

You’re driving him crazy.

He pulls his face from your neck, his eyes wild with desire and desperation as they lock onto yours, “Please say it again, please oh my god…it makes it so good….so good, baby please tell me you love me again…”

“I love you…” You smirk as he fucks into you even harder, his face smoothing out in complete and utter pleasure, “I love you, do you hear me Yoongi? I love you so much…”

“Again…again please…please baby…I’m so close, I’m gonna cum so hard for you,” He’s lost it again, he’s drowning but, he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t care how desperate he sounds, he wants to hear it a thousand times.

“Look at me, focus right here…” You coo to him, attempting to reign in his scattered gaze, your hands coming up to hold his cheeks, “I love you Min Yoongi, I’m so in love with you and, I wanna see you cum for me…because I love you, I love you I love you I love you.”

Yoongi lets go, cumming hard enough to blur he’s vision but, what else is new?

You follow suit, trying to wonder what you did to deserve the precious man currently snuggling into your neck, professing his love over and over into your skin.

This time, he doesn’t stop as things settle down. He pulls you into his arms upon laying down against the warmth of his duvet.

As he holds you, he kisses your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your lips, your fingers…

Any part of you he can reach, all whilst saying those three little words over and over again.

“When we were on the Ferris wheel, I told you us getting together would be a bad idea…” Yoongi’s voice is hoarse with emotion as he touches you, long fingers tucking your hair behind your ear, “and I need you to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t want you. It was because; I already wanted you so bad. I’ve spent my whole life denying my emotions because, it made things easier for me. The rejections, the self-doubt, the insecurities…everything. But you’ve shown me that I was wrong. Denying my feelings has never helped me, it’s only led me farther from the things I want and, I know that because as soon as I let myself feel again, as soon as I opened my heart…I got you.”

Tears spill over your eyes and, silently, Yoongi kisses each one away, smiling delicately at you.

“I would never hurt you…”

Is all you can manage because, anything else would lead to you sobbing in his arms.

Yoongi’s smile brightens as he nods, “I know and, that’s why my heart is yours now...”

With a sniffle, you kiss him again, long and hard, holding him tightly before whispering, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[lavendersage]

i saw that post from the girl who's girlfriend isn't quite ready to be out. if ur blog didnt seem to celebrate love of all kinds (and i'm not talking straight vs gay, i'm talking happy vs sad) i would have kept this to myself, but between ur response and the op's story itself, i think im going to take this chance of sharing a burden on my heart, maybe to help someone else, or just for the shot at becoming at peace with it. a couple weeks ago, when u asked for everyone to send u stories of their lovers, i wrote most of this out but didnt send it.

i (21F) am a college student (god, is this reddit?). my entire life, i have cultivated the cleanest good girl image that i could. my parents sacrificed so much for my sister and i to grow up far more comfortable then they did, so i have tried to honor them with a little golden child they could brag about. straight As, never missed school, did community service, perfect SATs. i worked tirelessly to be on-paper perfect.

one of the reasons i've worked so hard to earn Good Noodle Stars is to make up for the fact that i am terminally homosexual. i realized real early that i could literally cure cancer and the first comment on the news video will be, "okay, she cured cancer, but at least I'm not gay like she is." i could raise thousands for charity, and my aunts would still say, "our kids may not get off the couch but at least they have sex correctly." so they dont know. few people do, none outside my closest circle.

in walks Mars(21NB). Mars is an anachronism. they are both a romantic with and without a capital R. be still my Dark Academia heart.

we got very close before school broke for Covid. Mars wrote me a letter every other week, encrypted and folded so that the only way to open them was to rip a paper seam that would show if someone had tampered with it. it was intoxicating. it was the first time i felt able to communicate freely about anything. i dont know - i didnt hold back my emotions, emboldened by writing in cipher. i spent all summer waiting for those red sealed envelopes, filled with stories and poetry and honeyed nonsense, and i refused to not respond with mirrored passion.

it was all great until it set in that I was going to have to face Mars again, in person. i prayed our school would decide all students had to stay remote. of course I wanted to see Mars, i want to do much more than just see them, but i knew it would only be a matter of time between us being reunited and them asking me out.

this was a person who crafted a puzzle where the answers were flowers that were a declaration of fidelity in Victorian Flower Language. of course i ate that up with a spoon. u would have too. listen, i know all aesthetics are fads and all fads age badly, but if the cottagecore girls get to learn to sew and bake and grow, i owe dark academia for teaching me the vocabulary and actions of my most treasured relationship yet, and giving me permission to be earnest and vulnerable in this life for 10 goddamn minutes. Mars is handsome and a genius and i was not used to feeling connected to anyone. but for all that joy, i was also drowning with the thought of having to break their heart by explaining i cant date anyone AFAB.

so the semester starts. Mars asks me over for a homecooked meal since restaurants don't exist here at the end of the world. they made me a beautiful dinner with all my dietary needs in mind. just like everything else i ate it up. and i made no effort to stop them from inviting me over for food and conversation again and again and a fourth time just to make sure it really hurt.

they kissed me after the last dinner. and I kissed them back, before stopping. they apologized for moving too quickly, but i explained that they had moved at the perfect pace, just with the wrong person.

there is no nice ending to this. it's real life. Mars took it as a breakup and didnt reach out to me again. i sobbed from halloween to christmas, i swear. i'm the villain in this story.

i started this post off as a sign of solidarity to the other young lady, but now im realizing that this letter would be better read by her fearful beloved, not her. it is 4am where i live, so i apologize if this has all gotten away from me.

love is a garden u have to water yourself. ngl, my favorite part about this blog is all the posts about learning to love yourself, learning to see ur intrinsic value dispite the core facets of u that have been deemed flaws, and trust the relationship between me, myself, and i.

i started out telling myself i was writing this to help the high school kid, but i havent shared this with anyone. writing this out has helped me process a thing or two, or at least start to. i like this idea of lavendersage being a kindly cryptid who will alchemise ur heartache into calm.

i hope you dont mind if i try to make this a thing.

my story is in the shape of a love letter. its tearstained before it even hits the water. i drop it in your river and watch it float away.

y’all are breaking my heart with these stories this week 🤧i feel so sad to read them and so helpless to respond, because i know how deep that pain must run and i don’t know if there’s truly anything i could say or do to take it away. but if i can lessen it from 100 to 99, well, then i’ll have fulfilled my goal of existing on this website. at the very least, i’m glad that writing this message helped you process some things on your own, but i’m happy to share my thoughts anyway.

your mars sounds like a top tier human being. victorian flower language? i’m swooning. it’s no surprise to me that you fell for them, and they were clearly head over heels for you. folks don’t make grand gestures like that for just anyone, that’s for sure 🥺

and i’m very sad to hear about the way things ended. but, anon, i can’t help but wonder if it is indeed over, or if hope exists on the precipice of a great act of bravery performed by you--something i know from experience is much easier said than done, and something i’ve failed to do in the past, so i’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. the ball is definitely in your court, though.

also...it doesn’t sit well with me to hear you call yourself a villain. i understand why you see it that way, as it’s clear that you deeply care for this person. but for many folks...the fear of what our family will say or think or do weighs so heavily on us that it robs us of any possibility of happiness with someone who isn’t the kind of person our family wants us to end up with. i’m sure plenty of folks, myself included, can empathize with this. and i’m sure on some level, mars does too.

my love, as with all things, i hope whatever happens next works out for the best, and that you don’t let this experience darken your heart. if things change between you and mars, please feel free to drop me a note. i’ll always be here to listen 💚💚💚`

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker  Ch1

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC, Jikook~)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 2,161

-Author Note: I crosspost this story from my Asianfanfic/Wattpadd account. Mind you, clicheness OVERLOADS.

Next

Chapter 1

“Ahjumma’s food. I can smell it from miles away. Yums..” the maknae line hollered excitedly as they made their way inside without even taking off their socks properly. Stood behind them in line were the hyung lines which only shook their head in amusement. They just got back from a 11-hour practice yet those boys still had some energy stored in them.

Age aint just a number for sure.

Taehyung and Jimin voice were so loud which could shake the whole building “AS EXPECTED AHJUMMA COOKED THE BEST FOOD” Jin smacked their back head lightly accompanied with soft grunt.

“Clean yourself first, this food need to be reheat first” as usual Jin would take charge when it came to kitchen issues. Taehyung puckered his lips in protest and shot the older boy a stern look sending there-is-no-way-im-listening-to-you message which only being ignored by him.

Jimin cracked a grin as his eyes sunk into his signature eyes smile “I will be here in 10 minutes” he paraded to his room happily. Jin watched his figure disappeared with a soft sigh “And, how about you?” turning to face hungry Jungkook, the younger guy only rolled his eyes earning a smack on his forearm.

“HYUNG WHAT WAS THAT FOR?” bewildered, he half-yelled.

“Manners Jeon Gukkie” said the leader. Jungkook pursed his lips looking awfully sulky as he made his way to his room to get changed before his hyungs goofed around making fun of him again. Like a routine, every time they reached their place, meals would already lay flat on the table for them to savour. Even though it was weird to eat something without knowing the caretaker lady’s face, they were aware the lady was like a mother to them.

Every single day without failed, the caretaker lady or they preferably called as “Ahjumma” would prepare a simple meal for the seven boys. However, due to the nature of her contract with Bighit the ahjumma is not allowed to perform her task when the boys were around. She would only be there early in the morning daily except in certain occasion whereby the boy had no schedule ahead then she would come as per requested by BTS manager.

Therefore, none of the boys had ever met the caretaker lady face to face. Entering to her third year working with the boys, the caretaker lady knew almost everything about them just by cleaning their dorm. Yes, the dorm would not be in a good shape if it weren’t for the caretaker lady. The place was big enough for everyone to stay in comparison to their old dorm back then.

Make it big or not, they are still guys. Some may take time to clean after their mess but the nature of their career restricts them to perform even a simplest task like doing their own laundry. Now and then Jungkook would be in charge doing their laundry however nowadays they were so cramped with awards shows and tours ahead.

There were lots of things to be prepared at once, and the guys barely got time to even shut their eyes properly in a day. Poor boys.

Like a flash, Jungkook and Jimin came running to the kitchen taking their seat looking all ready to gobble down the food. At time like this, they really missed homecooked food. They are grateful for caretaker Ahjumma’s food that kept them fit and healthy all these years. Unlike before their debut days, the company could only afford them simple snacks which were not enough for grown up boys like them.

“I wonder when will we ever get to meet this caretaker Ahjumma” the youngest one mumbled between his bite.

Jimin shrugged “According to Sejin hyung, she is not allowed to work when we are around. The nature of the contract I guess” he felt someone sank in a seat beside him lazily. Lazy but hungry Min Yoongi.

Yoongi picked up his chopsticks and shoved kimchi in his mouth hastily “The contract is made to protect us”

“The ahjumma is not a sasaeng. It has been 3 years, plus she has been nothing but awfully kind to us. She prepares food for us even though it is not in her job description. Aint that enough to prove she won’t cause any harm?” Jungkook argued with a slight pout.

Sprawled lazily on the couch, Hoseok nodded in agreement as he started to mumble incoherently most likely how it was unfair for not be able to meet the kind lady personally. It was all talk and they couldn’t stop wondering how kind the Ahjumma was in person.

The eldest in the group appeared looking squeaky clean with a gleeful smile plastered on his face “Jungkook, are you falling for this Ahjumma’s charms” he teased. The younger guy flustered in his seat sending a death glare to his hyung’s way.

Jin didn’t stop right there, he heard him continue “Maybe she is not that Ahjumma after all. What if Bang Pd is protecting us from a beautiful caretaker lady?” he hummed as he sat across Jungkook still with that playful smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Mmm.. I don’t think her notes sound so young after all. She used a lot of old words in her writing” Jimin scratched the back of his neck in confusion. How could a person be so clueless and oblivious? It supposed to be a mere tease but he indeed took things quite seriously. Judging by his expression, Jimin was racking his brain to find answer to the relevancy of this matter as per mentioned by Jin.

A soft sigh escaped from Yoongi’s lips in response to his friends’ irrelevant conversation “I am going to sleep. Clean up after eating, don’t put more loads on the ahjumma’s shoulder” he warned before leaving the group.

“Tch, how can he be full by eating kimchi!” Jin cringed in annoyance.

 ---------------------

Ji Seul, 22 years old, a college dropout.

Alright, cut that college dropout thing. She’s diligently working in a bubble tea shop and sometimes she would work at 7-eleven just to kill time. Another reason was that, to make more money.  Due to financial constraints a year ago, she had to give up her college in exchange to her little brother school fees. The fees on the other hand had hiked up crazily leaving her with no choice but to give up her future.

It was not easy for her mother to raise the siblings alone without external support. The condition of the economy nowadays was not favourable to family with low disposable income like them. Ji Seul worked when she was in college however it came to no avail. For some reason, she performed badly in her first semester. To add to that sappy story of hers, she almost got kicked out due to her poor performance.

If she were to work, she would perform so badly in her tests and projects.

However, if she decided to give up on having a part time job, she could not afford the college fees. And vice versa.

Some might think there was another way to resolve her so called issues. Scholarship? She tried it all, guess the competition was surprisingly high lately. Ji Seul had a decent result to apply for one, but there would always be another person who’s above you after all. That’s life.

She spent her youth time working hard like there is no tomorrow for the sake of her family. As much as she wanted to chase her dreams, she would rather work her ass off for her mother at least. The failure of her mother’s marriage literally messed up everything. Let’s not talk about her typical shitty life, Ji Seul preferred to let it buried deep in her brain. It was not worth talking anyways.

All she knew, her father was a real jerk for abandoning them.

Ji Seul loathed her father to the core.  She would never forgive him for all misery that he had caused to their life.

Placing the last ingredient in her stew, she smiled to herself feeling a little proud of her little accomplishment. Cooking was not easy, and if it weren’t for her annoying little brother, which was not that little, demanded a decent dinner tonight, she did not need to struggle with the recipe. He was old enough to cook a freaking ramen yet he chose to order her around just to piss her off.

“Where is my food?” Ji Hoon blinked with a sly smirk.

Ji Seul scoffed in disbelief “Here..” she kicked his calf as her eyes rolled in annoyance.

“OWW NUNA! THAT IS RUDE!”

“So, your nuna is being rude now? Don’t call me nuna, I am disowning you Hoon” she snickered. Bantering was a usual thing between the Ji’s, the world would be a better place without their existence for sure. The sound of front door being opened averted Ji Seul attention from her brother.

“Im back kids. No one is losing their teeth today, right? I hope” her mother closed the door behind her with a sarcastic remark. Pursing her lips, she took the bag from the older woman’s hand “Don’t worry, our teeth are still intact. But seems like Hoon will be losing his soon” Hoon puffed his cheeks.

“Can both of you behave for one day” she shook her head utterly speechless of her children’s childish behaviour. She went straight to check the food on the stove “Oh you cooked Seul-ah?” Seul broke a wide grin with a nod.

“If it weren’t for me, nuna would not be cooking that stew right now. Amazing, isn’t it?” Hoon replied chirpily.

Snorting under her breath, Seul retorted “For your information, the world does not revolve around you Ji Hoon. So, mother how’s work?” she watched the older woman taking a seat with a fatigue smile. Over years, she could see how older she got. It must not be easy for her to work as a caretaker lady. Her mother cherished her job as BTS’s caretaker because they paid her handsomely and the company really looked after her like a family.

She grew fond of the boys even though they did not have the chance to meet each other just yet. However, it was satisfying to look after the boys just like her own child. She loved her job. If she were given a chance to meet them in the future, she would shower them with lots of good food.

“The boys really made a huge mess. I think they were pretty busy” she chuckled.

She took a sip of the cold drinks as she continued “Jungkook piled up the laundry in his room again. He must have forgotten it while tending other important works like-“ Seul cut her off with a cringe.

“Like his games?” her mother nodded in response, ‘” Lazy bum” she claimed.

“Jungkook is just a kid Seul, let him be” her mother defended.

Seul crossed her arms disliking the fact that this Jungkook person made her mother worked extremely hard today “He is 20 and a grown-up man. He should have cleaned his own mess” Hoon pretended he did not listen to his sister complaints. It had always been like that. Ji Seul appeared to have a personal vendetta against Bangtan Sonyeondan. She knew they were pretty hot nowadays but sadly BTS did not meet her par.

Now and then, she would listen to their songs. Some of the songs are decent enough which gave colour to her already sorrowful life. Nevertheless, that was it. She had no idea who was who, all she knew there were 7 members.

If Ji Seul were like those fangirls, she would be the happiest human being alive for having a connection with BTS. Too bad, she was not into them. She had something better to do, like making money and keeping their stomach full.

“Do you like Jungkook hyung?” Hoon’s voice brought her out of her trance.

Ji Seul facepalmed upon listening to his absurd questions. She let out a low grunt “Jungkook hyung? Are you that friendly with him? Ew that is gross Hoon” she shot him a judgemental look.

“He is older by a year, and I am being polite. You seem to have lots of shitty complaints in your brain when it comes to BTS members. Especially Jungkook hyung” he purposely pressed the hyung part staring at the small girl in front of him.

“Because for some reason mother only talk about him and that other guy Chin?” she blurted out of annoyance.

“It is Jin..” her mother leaned back in her seat with a teasing smile. Now she’s teaming up with Ji Hoon to bring Seul down for good. She added before Seul could continue “He is a good cook..unlike someone” earning a low scowl from Ji Seul.

She had made up her mind to ignore them both.

Her stew needs her attention.

 This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2020. All Rights Reserved.

[bl--ankhaeji]

It all started with a washer(Taeyong)

Pairing - Fashion Design student*TaeyongXCeramics student*Reader

Genre - fluff, slight angst (if you blink it’s gone), slight enemies to lovers(again blink and you miss it), friends to lover, college au, tutor*Taeyong 

Warning/AN - learning disabilities and mentions of shitty parenting, also really abrupt ending cause I had no idea how to end so im sorreh (unedited not like any of my shit is though)

W.Count - 2253

The way you met Taeyong was pretty hectic 

It was 2 a.m. and you both were in the laundry room on the 4th floor of the apartment building

Surprisingly you two weren’t the only ones who needed a late night laundry run

That shit was PACKED 

Well as packed as a laundry room that only has three washers and three dryers can get 

You had to wait in a short line to be able to even get a washer even though all you had to wash were your clothes from the previous week

You had just enough washing powder left to wash the little clothes you had 

You really just wanted to do your laundry go back to your room open a bottle of cheap wine and drink away the pain you had from your Chemistry exam that you’re pretty sure you failed earlier that day or should you say yesterday

*Le Gasp* Finally a washer is open 

You rush to get there before it’s taken only to make there at the same time as some boy

You both immediately turn toward each other to look at the person who dared to steal the washer you so rightfully deserve

“This washer’s mine” 

“This is my washer” 

You both managed to say at the same time only to pull equally incredulous looks at each other

“I got here first” You both exclaim at the same time and that was like the spark that lit the fire

Not the love fire but like a hate fire lol

A stared down like no other between you two fighting for the washer soon commenced and it looked like neither of you were backing down

You both stood there and glared at each other’s face until a whole new washer became open 

The boy saw it and walked to go to that one instead of the one being stolen from him by some girl who looked about as ruff as his scalp is 

Please pray for TaeTae’s scalp...ok

Only for the washer to get taken by some kid 

His only choice was to go back to his old washer 

Once you saw the boy coming back you immediately closed the lid on the washer and turned to look at him with a humph 

“Too late this washer’s taken by its rightful owner”

If that didn’t irk him in the worst way then nothing did 

That slightly reminded him of his little brother’s annoying friend, what's his name...Doeyuck…

“Look ok I just need to wash my clothes so that I can go to my room and splurge on the possibly life threatening amount of sweets I just bought as a reward for passing my Chemistry exam. Can you please just let me share the washer with you?”

You started to consider letting him use the washer with you then you realize what he said….HE HAS SWEETS and he passed the chemistry exam, but HE HAS SWEETS 

“Ok, I’ll let you use it but only if I get to have my pick at two sweets or if it’s candy then one handful. Do we have a deal?” 

You could see the pout form on his lips only be offset by a slow nod of agreement to which you rejoiced with a quick Yes and opened the lid 

When the clothes finished you both realized that meant that you would also have to share a dryer to which you both looked at each other and raised your shoulders

Even though you both still weren’t on the best of terms you still tolerated each other for the sake of your clothing

Later that night after you have taken your pick of treats from the boy whose name you still didn’t know you retreated to you couch with your wine bottle in one hand and the tv remote in the other 

When it’s the next week and you’re in your Chemistry class your teacher passes out the tests 

To which you can see and confirm that you indeed did fail it

BADLY 

Your teacher asks you to stay back once class is over to discuss something with you 

She recommends you a tutor by the name of Lee Taeyong 

Says he has the highest grades in her class

At first you decline until she tells you that you might not be able to pass this semester if you don’t get help 

You begrudgingly agree to meet this tAeYoNg tomorrow in the upstairs private library room

The dreaded meetup is finally here and you walk into the room with anxiety threatening to bubble over to see 

“WASHER STEALING SWEETS BOY” 

You walk over to the startled boy and see that he has irritation written all over his face “Please don’t tell my you’re the girl I’m tutoring”

“Yup That’s Me”

He starts to regret his life choices and wonder ‘Why Me’ 

He gets started on the tutoring only to realize that you...really don't know anything 

If your lost look said anything 

“Do you even pay attention at all in class” 

“I mean I do but its it just it...I don’t know. This is stupid. I’m stupid. I don’t know why I agreed to this tutoring bullshit. I don’t need help.”

You hastily get up and leave feeling as if you just made a fool of yourself 

You walk into your apartment with fresh clay you just got from your class and go into your safe place

Your home pottery room

Preparing your space and getting everything ready you press play on your music, wet your hands, and start moulding the clay 

You’re pretty deep into what you’re doing to the point where you don’t hear the banging on your door 

Once you do it startles you and you almost mess up your creation 

You wash your hands and go to answer the door to see Taeyong 

He’s staring at you like something is wrong and you look down to see that you’re covered in both dry and wet clay 

“What do you want?”

“I’m here to ask why you walked out like that.” He says with a pretty serious look on his face 

“I already said it. I don’t need help, I can pass the class on my own.” 

He holds up your most recent test only to spread his fingers out and it's every test you've taken and you either failed it or were pretty close, “Does this look like you don’t need help.”

“You can’t help someone stupid Taeyong.”

With annoyance splayed on his face he steps into the apartment and sits his stuff on the couch

“Why do you think that?”

“Cause I am, now can you please leave I was doing something.”

He refuses to leave until you explain to him 

You think ‘Fuck It’ and you start to tell him 

You major in ceramics but there’s a special love for pottery 

It helps to calm your mind...you love it..you’re amazing at it  

But that was never enough for your parents who ridiculed and criticized you every chance they got 

You have both dyslexia and dyscalculia 

Your parents who were both renowned scientists couldn't believe they managed to birth a stupid baby 

The only way you were able to get into university was because of ceramics but your parents didn't care

To them you were still dumb no matter what

“So that’s why I’m stupid. There’s no use in trying to teach me, you would be wasting your time”

You looked to Taeyong thinking you would see a disgusted face but you only saw one of sympathy and determination

“I’ve taught someone with dyslexia before but not dyscalculia. I will not leave you behind because y/n you’re not stupid. Regardless of what your parents and others have told you.”

After that you didn't see him for a few days and then one night when you were about to head to bed 

BAMM 

There he was at your door looking like a lunatic 

“I’ve got it.”

After that you and TaeTae(that’s what you call him now) spent every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and sometimes Sunday together

And to say that spending that much time together didn’t have an affect on how you felt about each other would be a fucking lie 

Soon you started to anticipate the days you got to study with him or the time you two would pass each other in the halls 

It would make you feel giddy inside 

Like you were in a shaken up pop can and when you would see him you would combust

But would you ever tell him that. Fuck No  

Sometimes the studying would either take place at his or your apartment 

To say that after study sessions you wouldn’t sit and watch movies the rest of the night and slick(not slick) cuddle would also be a lie 

It’s to the point where you have clothes at each other’s house

You also may or may not have a key to each other’s apartment

Even though you both still irked the fuck out of each other sometimes this tutor and tutoree realtionship had transformed into somethin beautiful

It was getting close to your next Chemistry exam and you were stressing 

Soon enough you had two days to go and you were TERRIFIED 

Taeyong kept trying to tell you that you were gonna do fine but you didn’t believe him 

Your fears were coming back full force 

You had been doing good turning in little side assignments with no problem but this is your first test since tutoring and 

You really didn’t wanna let TaeTae down

“You won’t let me down. I promise”

“You don’t know that. Like I don’t know, I can know everything on there but when it’s in front of my face I just….blank and everything gets jumbled and I get confused and I just give up.”

“Look if you take the test and pass...I have a surprise for you, ok?”

“What surprise?” 

He just gets up and walks out of the apartment

It’s like the two days just flew by and next thing you know the test is right in front of you and you’re looking at it and 

YOU UNDERSTAND 

Even though you’re one of the last to finish you probably feel the most confident 

When you and Tae meet up the day after you guys are chillin in his apartment eating the food you just got delivered 

“Sooo since I'm close with our Chemistry teacher she let me see the grades before she put them out.”

“Really??!! What’d I make?”

“I’m sorry to tell you this…”

Taeyong was gonna pull a trick on you but seeing your face fall and the tears build up he couldn’t go through with it 

“Noo I’m just playing please don’t cry. You passed, you passed I promise.”

When you hear those words you immediately start to beat his ass..literally you start to spank him 

“Why would you do that to me. Do you know how sad I got, I almost cried!!”

He kept trying to apologize but you kept hitting him so he did something to stop you

He kissed you 

The feeling of Taeyong’s lips on yours was euphoric 

Even with the taste of the takeout on his lips his kiss was still intoxicating 

Luckily he pulled back before you could slip too far 

You unknowingly chased after his lips after he pulled away, wanting more

“I didn’t plan on saying it this way but yea that was the surprise. I like you y/n. I like you a lot.”

You took a good look at Taeyong’s face to see an unnoticeable blush spread across his cheeks

Que the Fangirl 

“AHHH you’re so cuteeee. I can finally say that now without feeling like I’ll make things awkward.”

Also que confused Tae 

“Wait so you like me too?”

Uhh duh 

So I was gonna stop here butttttt Why don’t I give yall a lil more fluff shall we 

Immediately start dating after the confession 

Istg you guys are the cutests little shits ever 

It’s disgusting 

Study dates [check]

Cuddle buddies[check] 

Hella pottery dates[FUCKIN CHECK]

You and Tae already stay up all hours of the damn night so why not teach him how to mould a little 

“Oooo are you gonna do the little backhug hand guiding thing they do in the movies.”*insert winky face* 

You do the making he does the designing 

Did I mention that he’s a fashion design major 

Him and his best friend Johnny revamp your entire wardrobe because and I quote ‘As the top fashion design student I will not be caught dead letting my girlfriend walk around looking anything less than Fabulous’ and ‘Who says you’re the top student but anyways you didn’t pass Johnny’s Fashion Evaluation...not my problem’

Oh and better believe he has the couples outfits on LOCK

“This passes the Evaluation”

He makes little cup holders and coasters for the cups you make

For your first christmas together Tae makes you a ceramic necklace with the date you guys started dating thanks to the help from your best friend Yuta who specializes in metal ceramics 

You knit him a scarf out of you guys favorite colors 

The blush you made cross his face when you wrapped it around his neck and used it to pull him into a kiss was totally worth the plenty times you caught a hand cramp trying to make that scarf 

“We’re under the mistletoe.” *insert smirky y/n*

AHHHH I can’t deal 

But yea that’s it for you and TaeTae’s relationship 

[rachxllovxly]

crush (knj)

Pairing: knj x reader (f)

Genre: Fluff, eventual smut

Word count: 1.7k

Synopsis: You’ve been best friends with Namjoon for a long time now, and hiding your feelings for him keeps getting harder every day.

(author’s note: i am not sure how many parts will be in this, definitely more than two, thats for sure, but i will keep you guys updated!)

It was a very sunny day right after classes ended, almost the end of the semester (thank the lord), and you decided to go spend some time in a coffee shop right off campus with your best friend, Kim Namjoon. You both met in middle school, and through all the middle and high school drama, you all still stuck through it all. It was surprising actually, since you’ve had a crush on him since about the ninth grade. Keeping it hidden was getting harder and harder since you both spent almost every day together. 

“What are you going to order? The usual?” Namjoon asked. 

“Uh... yeah that’s fine. I was gonna change it up today, but nothing seems that appealing anymore.” You went into a haze and didn’t even notice that he was trying to get your attention until the barista called your name.

“Y/N! Hello? Anyone home?” He laughed at your dazed face.

“What? Did you say anything? I’m sorry, I’m just so tired.” You gave a tired smile back to him.

“I asked you if you wanted to start studying for Professor Kim’s final. You know how crazy he is about his tests, kinda don’t wanna fail.” He trailed off.

“Oh heaven forbid the Kim Namjoon fail a test. But yes, I do want to study. I don’t wanna fail either.” You joked. 

You all both grabbed your binders, highlighters, and pens and opened his textbook. The way Professor Kim’s tests were laid out, made no since, and would almost surely drive a crazy person crazy. It is completely unjust, that one person can make a test so possibly hard. At this rate, you’ll need a 115% to at least get a C for the semester (which is passing), and there is a very good chance that you would not get that 115%.

“This is impossible. I’m gonna bomb this test. I’m just gonna drop out already, it’s not like my parents aren’t disappointed in me already.” You laid your head down on your binder and pretended to sob. Your know parents were undoubtedly so proud of you, but just for dramatic affect, okay.

“You’re not gonna fail the test, Y/N, you just need to refocus. What are you confused on?” He was always your go to study-buddy and tutor, ever since middle school.

“All of it! How is this fair, Joon. Can we just wrap this up today, please? I’m so tired.” You pleaded. 

“Of course. Don't prematurely stress yourself out. We’ll work some more on it this tomorrow.” You both started to pack your things up, chatting while doing so. 

“Are you going to Jackson’s party this weekend?” Joon asked.

“I wasn’t planning on it. Why?”

“Well... I was hoping that maybe you’d want to go. The boys and I are going. Jimin wanted me to ask you to go. If I’m being honest, I think he has a crush on you.” He laughed.

“He probably does. But i don’t know, Joon. I need to study.” You whined. You all pushed your chairs in and walked out of the cafe and started walking towards your dorms. 

“We can study on Sunday. I need to destress, you need to destress, we all need a break Y/N. Please? We can stay for a few hours then we can leave and get like, Taco Bell, or something.” He had convinced you.

“Okay fine. Four hours tops, then Taco Bell.” You both chatted some more, talking about all the other finals that were coming up, what you both would wear, the latest Jackson drama, the usual topics.

-

You got back to your dorm and decided to take a shower (sitting in two hour lecture really can make you sweaty) and let the hot water run over your tense shoulder muscles. You never really realized how tense you had been until you finally try to relax and can’t. 

Changing into some shorts and an oversized tee, you climbed into your bed and fell asleep almost instantly. 

You woke up around two in the morning, your roommate, Jennie, sleeping across the room.

hey, are you awake? 2:05AM

yeah why? 2:06AM

can i come over? jennie is sleeping. 2:06AM

yep. door is unlocked 2:07AM

You made your way four doors down to Namjoon’s and Hobi’s room, hoping that Hobi wouldn’t be there. You opened the door to a studying Joon and Hobi. “What’s up, losers.” You yawned.

“Why are you awake this late? You’re usually asleep right now.” Hobi commented.

“I fell asleep like, right after I took a shower and just woke up like five minutes ago. What about you guys?” You took a seat on Joon’s bed.

“We’ve been studying. Too much.” Joon yawned. “Yeah, way too much. Please never take music theory, because I promise you, you’ll hate it.” Hobi added.

“Duly noted. Wasn't planning on it.” You laughed. 

“Do you wanna put on a movie? I really want popcorn...” Namjoon pouted. 

“It’s your room, that’s up to you fam. But popcorn sounds really good right now.” You agreed. Hobi got up to grab the Roku remote to start up Netflix and Hulu. Joon got up to put the popcorn in the microwave, and you got up farther in his bed to snuggle the blankets. 

“You like my blankets, do you?” He smiled. You just nodded and snuggled them even further. He got up next to you and got under the blankets. 

“Yo, turn the lights off.” You said towards Hobi, who was about to make his way to his bed. He groaned, but got up to turn them off.

where are you??? are you okay?? 2:25AM

i'm over at joon’s and hobi’s 2:25AM

ahhh okay 2:26AM

yeah im okay b 2:26AM

“Who was that?” Joon asked. “Jennie. She wanted to know where I was and if I was okay.” You smiled. Ever since you and her met at the beginning of the year, you and her had been best friends. You also made good friends with her friends, Rose, Lisa, and Jisoo. Lisa is dating Yoongi, and Rose is dating Jackson, and Jennie is dating Hobi. Your friend group was very close.

“What do you want to watch?” Just as soon as Hobi asked you and Joon, a knock was on the door. “It’s open!” He yelled.

Jennie walked in Hoseok’s sweatshirt and your shorts. “I’ve been looking for those! You took them!” You accused. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I needed shorts on laundry day and forgot to give them back.”

“It’s okay. They look better on you anyways. Keep them.” You smiled. 

“What are we watching?” She asked. You all shrugged. “We just opened Netflix when you knocked.” Hoseok said. She got up on his bed and got close next to him.

“Ah. After is out, you know the movie based on that like, Harry Styles fic a while back!” “Yeah! I’ve been wanting to watch that. Can we watch it? Can we?” You asked excitedly.

“I don't care. I’m probably going to end up falling asleep shortly. I’m so tired.” Joon yawned again.

“Yeah, me too. But that’s fine with me.” Hoseok agreed. “Yay!” You and Jennie said in unison.

Thirty minutes in and Joon was snoring away in his own dreamland. You could feel yourself drifting off as well. “How many times has she fallen asleep in your all’s room this week? She’s like always here, babe.” Jennie laughed. 

“I don’t even know. Maybe like eight times, now nine. I think she’s just less stressed being near him. They’ve been friends for a very long time.” He explained.

-

You woke up around eleven in the morning with Namjoon’s arms around your torso, and Hoseok and Jennie not in the room. 

where are you? 11:05AM

i’m in our room. we didn’t wanna wake you all up :) 11:05AM

oh okay 11:05AM

You put your phone back down and try to attempt to get out of his arms. “Moveeee. I have to pee.” You pry his arm off of you and make your way to their shared bathroom. Hopefully no guy walks in on you peeing.

“Oh shit! You scared me,” Yoongi laughed, “Sorry. I’ll get out.” He left the bathroom and shut the door. You ducked your head down and laughed. You finished your business, washed your hands and grabbed a pen and paper to let Joon know that you went to get breakfast and you’ll get back soon.

Long story short, in the span of an hour of you being gone, he still hadn't gotten up yet. You made many useless attempts to wake him, finally resulting in putting his breakfast right in his face. He mumbled something under his breath and rolled towards you.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” You lightly tapped him on his head, but nothing.

“5 more minutes... I don’t wanna get up just yet.” He rolled back towards his mountain of soft pillows and threw his head under the blankets.

“Joon, it’s like twelve in the afternoon, hun. Get up. We have to study, then go get ready for Jackson’s party.” You grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head.

“Ugh. Fine,” he rolled back over towards you and checked his phone, “Why did you text me so many times?” He asked groggily.

“I went to Taco Bell to get breakfast burritos, you didn't answer so I got you the same as me.” You explained.

He nodded and sat up in his bed and grabbed his food. “So are you sure you want to actually study today? We could always go- wait! Where’s Hobi and Jennie?” He said looking around the room. 

“They went to our room. They didn’t want to wake us up. But what were you saying?” You explained.

“We could always pre-party. Yoongi and Jimin are having a little get together in their room in like, three hours. That’s enough time to shower and change don’t you think?” It sounded fun, knowing Yoongi and Jimin, there would inevitably be alcohol and weed. 

“Yeah! That sounds fun. I’ll finish eating then I’ll go back to my room to shower and change. I’ll meet you over there later.” You finished eating and said your goodbyes, and then made your way back to your room.

[basilgrimbitch]

Day Two: Swap

Normal high school AU where Baz is new to Simon’s English class but Penny is the one that gets assigned a seat next to Baz. Aka English nerds in love.

Words: 3457

Note: this is unedited and super rushed but its something!

No warnings apart from a lot of swearing. Enjoy!

_____ 

SIMON

“Alright so I posted the seating plan on the class page, did everyone get a chance to see it?”

While everyone scrambles to look at their laptops, I’ve already seen Ms. Possibelf’s seating plan and can I just say… What. The. Fuck. She’s sat me across the room from Penny (honestly fair since we never get any work done) next to some random girl named Trixie; she seems nice enough but so bloody boring. How am I supposed to make it through a whole year of English without Penny? I can hear the complaints layering up in the tiny classroom and I can see the teacher ignoring every single one of them. I don’t think I’ll bother asking for a change. Though, maybe she’ll listen to Penny?

I nudge Penny’s arm, I guess she’s already seen the seating plan too because she makes no effort to look at her laptop and moves towards her assigned seat.

“Surely the fuck not?” I don’t bother whispering.

“I think you mean surely the fuck yes. I’m not failing this semester because you want to tell me a gross story about your arms smelling like Cheetos mid class.” I’m smirking and she looks like she’ll bite my head off. That makes me smile more.

“That was once!”

“It still happened, and I’d rather hear about your smelly limbs at lunch time - or better yet, never.”

We’re cut off by Ms. Possibelf starting the class, or at least trying to.

“You should’ve all written a draft of your persuasive orals over the holidays, now you must refine them and prepare a final copy. These will be presented in two days.”

Okay as much as I’m a clown in English, I’m actually decent at it. I’ve already written and edited my script, so I really have nothing to do. I sit in my seat and glance at Penny, it looks like she’s done too. I’m fairly sure she’s playing fire boy and water girl, she’s playing both parts (because I’m not there) and she’s taking up the entire table, her desk mate looks so uncomfortable squashed into a corner. Who is he, by the way? The name on the roll was Tyrannus, what the fuck kind of name is that? So pretentious.

I open up Instagram on my laptop and text Penny.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Simon Snow [10:04]: who is heeeeeee

Penelope Bunce [10:04]: who?

Simon Snow [10:04]: the guy ur sat next to whats his name?????

Penelope Bunce [10:05]: got a bit of crush huh :0

Simon Snow [10:05]: oh fk off I haven’t even seen his face,,, whats his name??

Penelope Bunce [10:06]: he said to call him baz

Simon Snow [10:07]: hmm weird but cool name

Simon Snow [10:07]: what schools he frm?

Penelope Bunce [10:07]: idk do ur work Si

Penny stops typing, she looks me in the eyes then turns to speak to Baz, shutting her laptop. That’s such an odd name, right?

They talk, she’s laughing, he’s just sitting there so composed. He doesn’t look bored exactly, just that he’s better than seeming overly excited. Dickhead it is then.

Even though I think I’ve already decided I hate him, I don’t stop looking at them. He’s got long hair, its black and loose just above his shoulder, his skin is this gorgeous caramel that doesn’t need tanning and his eyes, they’re so grey a mix of green and blue I think and – fuck. We’re making eye-contact, not in like oh oops, more like oh shit why is this guy staring at me. He must think I’m a fucking creep. Shit.

It’s not like I care though, he probably thinks he’s better than everyone in this room anyway. But he’s just smiling at me? Fuck that’s a good smile. I think I’m smiling back, I can’t help it. He turns back to speak to Penny, they seem like they’re in deep discussion about something, I wonder what? And suddenly, I catch myself wishing I was her. Um, what?

The rest of the period flies by. Too quick, I think, not that I need more time to work, I just kind of wish… whatever.

Penny, as per bloody usual, is taking her precious time packing her stuff away. I walk up to her table, hyper aware of Baz’s presence there,

“Planning on leaving anytime soon?” I ask, trying to seem as nonchalant as can be, but my eyes keep glancing to him. I think Penny must’ve picked up on it because then she says, all smug,

“But then you wouldn’t get to meet Baz,” she gestures to Baz, who’s raising his eyebrow and smiling a little against his better judgement I think, then she gestures to me and then back again, “Baz, Simon. Simon, Baz. There we go.” He’s full on smiling now. Fuck, how can someone be so pretty?

“So nice to meet you, I’m Baz Pitch.” He puts his hand out for me to shake it – that’s so proper. I’m not even convinced he’s 17. He’s so calm and put together, these are not words you use to describe a 17 year old guy.

“H-hey, yeah, Simon.” Of course, I trip over my words, I’ve always struggled with that but I’m also really fucking nervous for some reason.

“Do you wanna have lunch with us, Baz?” Penny’s throwing her bag over her shoulder, looking at me like she knows what she’s doing to me and then back to Baz with genuine eyes. Penny doesn’t usually get on with people like that, that’s why we’ve been friends for so long, she really doesn’t have other options (not like I do either).

“That’d be nice.” He says, the corner of his mouth inching up, giving his cool exterior away. He’s not a pretentious git, is he? He’s just a boy on his first day of school; that’s fucking daunting.

We walk out the classroom – finally – and Baz starts telling us about himself and his old school. Mainly just answering Penny’s questions. Does he have siblings? Yeah, four half siblings. How come he moved schools? dad moves a lot for business. Oh, is he going to be moving again? Probably not until after high school, by then I could move out anyway.

I’m not usually this quiet. Usually I’m more social than Penny. I don’t know what’s come over me, I wish I could be her right now.

Lunch happens, Baz doesn’t really eat. Not like I was watching him. Well he was sat right in front of me and I just noticed that he wasn’t eating anything. Surely that’s normal.

I finally ask Baz what other classes he’s taking; other than English we don’t share any classes and then I let myself say, “that sucks.” But only because its normal, its not flirting. You can want a friend to be in your class. Penny still looks at me anyway.

But then he says, “I’ll just have to look forward to English,” and my heart melts.

______

I try not to think about Baz right now, in bed, but I am anyway, and I remember him telling me his full name; so naturally I’m suddenly typing it into the Instagram search bar. Aha! He’s not on private, thank the gods of social media.

I start scrolling through his feed, careful not to tap anything of course. There are a few photos of him alone, they’re gorgeous; he dresses so nice. Penny says I can’t dress myself. In one photo from a month ago he’s in this incredible suit, taking a mirror selfie in a bathroom that looks nicer than my whole house. His hair is slicked back (I think I prefer it loose – still so bloody fit though) and his cheekbones are so defined, he’s got that same face he had when we first met today – eyebrows raised, little bit a smirk, beautiful eyes.

I scroll down to the next photo, this one is different. It’s not a hot mirror selfie, its him carrying a little girl – his little sister? – on his shoulders looking up at her with a smile, a real big smile. He’s dressed a bit more casual too, still nicer than anything I own though it’s just jeans and a black button down. I keep coming back to the jeans. How can someone look so good in jeans?

I scroll through a few more photos, some with friends, some more of just him and a few of books he’s reading or places he’s visited. I feel like I know him a little bit better now – less in a stalkerish way more in a… well I can’t think of the write word. I can never think of the write word.

My phone vibrates all of a sudden and I literally drop my phone, so I don’t accidently like anything.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Penelope Bunce [23:13]: up thinking bout prince charming?

Simon Snow [23:14]: shut up

Penelope Bunce [23:14]: don’t blame u he’s v cute.

Penelope Bunce [23:14]: And smart.

Penelope Bunce [23:14]: you have my blessing

Simon Snow [23:15]: bugger off,, as if he’s even into guys

Simon Snow [23:15]: I was literally such an idiot today he probs doesn’t even wanna be my friend

Penelope Bunce [23:16]: AHA SO U ADMIT IT

Simon Snow [23:16]: did I even have to

Penelope Bunce [23:16]: ofc not. For what its worth I think u have a shot.

Simon Snow [23:17]: sureeeee

Simon Snow [23:17]: fuckkkkk im gonna be so dead tomorrow,, gn love u

I turn my phone off, pull my glasses off chucking them somewhere I probably won’t find them tomorrow and roll over to fall asleep.

______

We’ve got English first period today. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for English, but then I remember I don’t even get to sit next to him.

I walk into class and he’s already in there, we make eye-contact – way less awkward than yesterday – and he gives me a nod. Its friendly, it’s nice, it’s already a bit familiar. I give him a little wave with my right hand below the books I’m carrying but then I’m nearly dropping then, and my laptop starts sliding through my arms. It’s a shit show and it’s too early in the morning to embarrass myself, but I don’t get a say do I? As a say good bye to my laptop that is threatening to smash in the ground any second now – and any possibility for anything with Baz – I hear a chair scraping at the floor then not being pushed in. Suddenly, Baz’s hand is on my shoulder; the other grabbing my laptop that’s basically just resting on my belt buckle at this point. I beg myself not to blush, not now.

Baz is laughing. We’ve – he’s – saved my laptop and now he’s carrying it and my books; he insisted I was not to be trusted.

“Alright, special delivery all the way to your seat. You sure you’re okay Snow?” He’s using my last name because he thinks it’s ‘such a waste to not make use of such an iconic surname’. I like the way it sounds on his lips. I think I just like his lips and anything after is automatically perfect. Perfect.

He taps my shoulder, “you okay there?”

“Huh? Yeah yeah, just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep very much last night.” That’s not a lie.

Baz nods and says he’s gonna go get started on the work, I watch him walk away. The school trousers, they’re no jeans but he looks good in everything.

I try to do some work, making cue cards for my presentation, but I keep letting myself look over to Baz. Penny just caught me and stuck her tongue out.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Penelope Bunce [08:31]: ur staring

Simon Snow [08:32]: am not,, go away

I go back to working on my cue cards after making a show of shutting my laptop in front of Penny. I get through two more cards before I see a pair of shoes approaching my table. I look up and sure enough its prince charming – I mean Baz. He clears his throat and says,

“I hear you’re good at English”

“There’s no way Penny said that,” I laugh.

“True, she said ‘he thinks he’s better than everyone else.’ But I take it for good reason.” He smiles while doing air quotes, I smile back at him because I can’t help myself.

“Well, I definitely don’t suck.”

“Good. Do you mind reading over my script, please? I feel like it needs a little bit of editing.” He hands over his laptop, “don’t drop this one okay?” he chuckles.

I honestly don’t know how to act around him. I’m the epitome of those ‘act normal’ memes. He hands me his laptop and I start reading. His presentation is on single use plastics and it is so well written, he definitely doesn’t need my help. My neck is getting warm and I hope I’m not blushing at a script on environmentalism just because it was written by a hot guy. That’s pathetic.

But he’s not just a hot guy, is he? He’s smart – so smart – and he’s so kind even if you wouldn’t think so; when he helped me with my books today, I couldn’t help but think back to that photo of him with his sister, so much warmth and kindness expertly hidden under a cool and calm facade. I get to the end of his conclusion and look up in awe but he’s standing just behind me leaning forward waiting for my response. That explains the warmth I was feeling.

Baz doesn’t seem like the kind that would ever doubt himself but if you could see him now, you’d think he cared about what everyone thought about everything; and maybe he does, maybe he just hides it really well.

“Baz.” I make eye-contact with him, finally on purpose, “this… its incredible. I don’t even know why you’d ask for feedback. Your arguments are excellent, and your use of inductive reasoning is really fitting.”

His face lights up, a kind of innocent smile creeps up on his face and for the first time I think I want to kiss him. But even more so, I want to be responsible for more of those smiles. “Really?”

“It’s perfect.”

I look away because I don’t want him to see me blush. Penny is looking straight at us, she gives me one of her reassuring smiles.

______

It’s been two weeks of school; all my classes suck but it’s our last year and soon enough we’ll miss it. At least that’s what Penny keeps saying, Baz agrees with her.

Baz has been spending more time with us; we hang out at lunch time, he’s joined us for frozen cokes a few times in the past few hot days. It’s nice. I can actually talk to him now too.

He’s so smart, smarter than I had thought. He’s not just academically smart, he knows more than just surface level knowledge. Yesterday, on our walk to English he was talking about some article he read on the relationship between sleep deprivation and blood alcohol concentration just for fun. Though its nerdy and just a bit lame, the way his eyes light up when he talks about things he cares about, I’d listen to the summary of a thousand dumb articles to see that again.

Right now, Baz isn’t here though, and all my brain can do is think about him.

“Pennyyyy!” she’s lying on my bed while I do my art homework on the floor, she always comes home with me on Tuesdays, I don’t know when that started.

“Si, I already said no like three times.”

“Why not? Do you not love me?” I asked her to swap seats with me in English. I just wanna sit next to Baz, I can say I need extra help or something.

“I love you of course but I don’t want Baz to think I’m avoiding him, and I certainly don’t want Ms. P to fail me for disobeying her one rule.”

“Just please.” I give her my best puppy eyes and pouty face, “I fink I’m in wuv,” I say mockingly. She

throws an old stuffed toy in my face. I guess that’s a no.

______  

The next day I see Baz at the school gates, he’s holding a cup of coffee and his hair is up in a bun today. Flawless.

“Fancy seeing you here,” how can he look so perfect at eight in the morning. I don’t even feel awake yet.

Baz bumps my shoulder with his and we start walking to our lockers. We talk about the English reading we were set, we’re reading Lord of the Flies and Baz is going on about how he and Penny think the book would be drastically different if it had female characters.

“Golding said he didn’t add girls to avoid sex being a subject.” I say, and Baz just looks at me with his eyebrow raised. I call this the signature Baz look now.

“Oh, come on, as if every single kid on that island was straight.” I choke on nothing for a second. Baz and I have never talked about relationships or sex or sexuality. It’s not really a matter of discussion I guess but hearing him acknowledge the idea of guys being together, I don’t know, it gives me hope. That makes no sense obviously, he’s taking about characters from an English novel not himself and really its more an act of Baz’s resistance than it is a nod to gay rights or whatever. But, still, it gives me hope.

“True,” is all I manage to get out.

We get to English extra early after home room, and I start making my way to my seat. Ever since Baz started hanging out with us outside of class, English is back to being plain and boring, nothing special. So, with my shoulders slumped I mutter a goodbye to Baz as I walk to opposite way to my seat but then I feel something on my hand. Oh my god, its his hand. Its Baz’s hand. On my hand. Pulling me towards him. Its not especially romantic or anything. But its something!

“Hey! Swap seats with Penny, come sit next to me today,” surely this is a dream, I must’ve hit my head. “I need your uhhh help with the essay.” Baz doesn’t help, he just discussed key themes of the novel for breakfast. I feel it again, lingering in my chest, hope. “It’s okay if you don’t want to…” he says a bit quieter now, trying to seem as cool as possible. How Baz of him. Fuck I still haven’t said anything.

“What no no, I want to. I’m just not sure what Ms. Possibelf will say; or worse, Penny.” He pulls at my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.

“What? Scared Snow?”

“We’re not in Harry Potter, Baz.”

“True. I’m wayyy better looking than Draco Malfoy and you wouldn’t be a very good chosen one. The worst chosen one who’s ever been chosen.”

I hear myself saying, “what so I’m not more better looking than Harry Potter?” Is this flirting? He squeezes my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.

“You needed me to point that out? I thought it was a given. You’re well fit, Simon.” Simon. Hope.

I hum in response and with one final tug at my hand, he lets it go. I follow him (I’d follow him anywhere).

“Sit, I won’t bite,” He grins at me.

“Yeah but Penny will,” she better not ruin this for me. For us. I sit next to Baz and we start working on our essays. He doesn’t ask for help once.

Penny walks into class, glances at her seat, sees us and walks to my – her – seat next to Trixie.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Penelope Bunce [08:14]: u win. Enjoy!

I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not.

Baz notices I’ve changed my window to Instagram DMs and nudges me, “how come you don’t follow me?”

“Huh, I don’t know? What’s your user name?” As if I don’t know.

Baz grabs my laptop, “I’ll just type it in.” I let him because I’m lazy and I like watching him type but then he clicks on the search bar and has the biggest grin on his face. Fuck. He can see my search history, “looks like you already know it.” How could I forget about that?

I must look mortified because he places his hand on mine. Second time today. “It’s all good. I already have yours too.”

Hope.

[prorevenge]

After months of putting up with my roommate from hell, I got the revenge of lifetime and screwed her over out of a fuckton of money and got her to pay rent and life has never been sweeter! (This is a long one)

This is a long one but very much worth the ride, so buckle up. (also, English isn't my native lang, sorry if there are any mistakes)

This story takes place a couple of years back. During college, I lived with several roommates, all of them were nice and we got along well, except for this one bitch, let's call her Karen. if Satan and Hitler had a child and that child had a child with Stalin and Cruella de Vil, that would be Karen for you, she is a loud-mouthed stupid, egocentric bitch who has the face that scare the shit out of a toilet. She would never clean up after herself, she would always leave her plates and things at the spot where she last used them. I have lost counts of how many times, I caught her stealing my clothes without asking and if you so much as touch her clothes she loses her shit on you, or her drinking our lactose-intolerant roommates almond milk and any time we confronted her for drinking it, she would shrug and say "I only had a sip, stop being so stingy." She plays her music loud at night, invites stranger without giving any heads up, a time or two she didnt pay rent even though her parents are FILTHY RICH and she is wearing gucci and prada shit, Karen also fucking lies about everything, even things that are not worth lying about. like if she woke up 7, and you ask her, she'll lie through her fucking teeth and say she rose with the sun rise because she is a natural. (ps, this is something i actually heard her say to her parents while she was skypeing them....so cringy, who the fuck says that? but i digress)

Months we have fucking put up with her, of course we tried to get other roommates but unfortunately when we all moved in everything, all documents and contracts were done in her name so kicking her out would require a lot of effort and most of us were busy with school and work and life happens. So we ignore it as much as we can and try to move on.

We are now all seniors and in our final semesters, meaning graduation was coming, AND Karen is planning a backpack trip across Europe with her friends as a graduation gift to herself, this is important so remember this.

One of our roommates and my closest friend, Sasha, has had a crush on a guy that lives down the hall. Any time the two of them are together, Sasha and the Guy keep giving each other googly eyes and blushing faces; it was sooo cute. Sasha is a verbal autistic person and has never dated anyone because she has a hard time with socializing and understanding social ques and subtlety, which lets face it, that is the core of dating, especially flirting but with a lot of encouragement from me and the final roommate, Lola we got her to ask him out. He said yes. She was so happy, you guys, she flew back into the apartment and did an hour of happy dance with her arms flailing about and a shit eatin grin on her face; needless to say we were all so happy. Karen caught wind of this and it just so happens at that time she was having relationship problems, I guess her bf finally realized he's dating human garbage. Not one to be outshined, Karen behind all of our backs went to the guy's place and spun lies about Sasha, saying she is a serial cheater and even made a fake account for Sasha's so called bf. the guy never called Sasha, and eventually weeks passed by he told us why but by then Sasha felt like the damage was done and lost interest in him.

I. WAS. FUCKING. FURIOUS.

This, this level of dickery and bloody pettiness is the straw that finally broke the camel's back and I vowed I wouldn't fucking leave until I served my slice of justice. Here's another character that you must know about, Prof C. His wife two years ago was in a horrible car accident and as a result is in a wheelchair, this is especially problematic because she was a stay home mom that took care of their two special needs kids and they have a toddler at home. Home life is a mess for him, he is running ragged between working and single-handedly is taking care of his family, the uni took pity and also feared the workload would see one of their best and most beloved teachers leave the school struck a deal with him to help him out. In all of his classes there will be quizzes and midterms, this doesnt change, but assignments you submit and he corrects at the end of the year, this is important cuz our uni has zero tolerance on proffs that dont constantly update the students course works so that students have the chance to improve their grades.

Karen, the lazy and stupid bitch she is, is somehow skating through his assignments, even though they require a shit tone of research and writing. I accidentally learned that one of her older friends told her that she only needs submit the paper on its due date and to only write the first 3 pages and use a paraphrase tool for the rest of the paper so the plagiarism software wont detect it and would think its original material and when the end of the year comes, submit a hard copy but with the first pages being her actual work and the rest being completely plagiarized, professional work. Prof C won't know cuz the likelihood a man as busy as him thoroughly checking the work of 120+ students is pretty low. I grinned. A plan was beginning to formulate in my head. Oh, sweet mother of Jesus, she is going down! All semester long I let her do this for all of the 7 papers, one of them which is a term paper that has 20% on it alone, all the while I spied and gathered all of her pass codes, social media, her student ID, everything.

The end of the year came and I compiled all of her assignments, both the original one with the paraphrasing tools she used to circumvent plagiarism and the one she finally handed them in, and I even made photos were there are side-to-side comparison of the assignments. This is a good start but not enough. So, One day chillin at the living room I open a conversation about relationships, Karen is two timing her new boyfriend and is sleeping with some other Person. so, I ask her questions like "don't you feel guilty for cheating?" and "You do realize this is wrong?" and I even paraphrase my words in a way that is vague but also clear, for example I would say "It's not fair, so many people work so hard everyday to be successful and you are here cheating and lying your way to success." Karen, narcissistic as fuck, would respond with snippets of I dont care and how she isnt cheating, she is only having fun and that everyone does it so why not her too. This is too good to be true, even her answers are vague, its like god put his hand on my shoulder, looked me right in the eyes and said, "burry this bitch". and Id be damned if I didnt. As you probably have guessed it by now, I was recording EVERYTHING. The recording plus the photos, and her assignments were more than enough evidence, I sent an anonymous email to the Professor, and i tell the girls so that they can prep for the shit storm thats coming. Three weeks later, results are out. she failed and LOST HER SHIT. She was screamin, crying, wailing, what a sight to see! you best believe, the girls and I were laughing. She tried to talk to the prof, but he was not having it. she cried and begged for a second chance but he said a hard no. So now she has two options: she goes ahead and doesn't graduate with us, and takes on a whole 'nother semester for one measly course or take summer course and cancel her trip to Europe, which mind you she spent a fuckton on, something like 13, 000$ and I know it could have been much cheaper but Princess Karen only wanted the best so yh. The next couple of weeks she spent sleepless nights because she was calling and cancelling all the reservations she made, tryin to get her money back BUT (again, GOD really was out for blood that day) because the cancellation was so close to some her trip most places refused to refund, or some charged her cancellation fees. She only managed to scrap 5.5 K back together, lossin 7.5 K. OUCH!

Its not over, having damning evidence I, with earned gusto, told her she was going to pay all of the bills till we move out, which was in two months, payback for all the times she was late on payment or defaulted and she would from now do her part of the house chores or else Im gonna send it all to the admin and faculty dean and she will fo sho be kicked out and all those uni years will have been for nothing. She hated it, she fucking threw tantrums and cussed me out but my god if she didnt do whats told. she cleaned her stuff, apologized to Sasha for what she did, I forced her to come clean to her BF (dont know the guy but the few times i met him he was super sweet to us and i felt bad for the guy), I watched her actually do the dishes for the first time in like years. IT was fucking amazing and I don't regret it one bit. In fact, anytime I feel sad now as an adult, i kick back my feet and reminiscine and a slow shit eatin grin draws itself upon my face.

tl;dr roommate was super mean, i found out she was cheating on her assignments and so i snitched on her and as a result she had to stay the summer and retake the class again or else she wouldn't graduate.

(source) story by (/u/let-the-write-one-in)

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

Hope you’re doing okay, I know there’s been a lot going on the past couple weeks. 🌈🌈💛💛

FOOF YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN

thank you for the good vibes anon, i love you and it means a lot to me. however unfortunately now im gonna use this to vent dump exactly how much has been going on the past couple weeks off the top of my head. this is actually pretty far from Everything thats happen but im so tired and dont want to think about any of it anymore

my grandma passed away last week. we were prepared for it and we know she’s at peace in a better place et cetera et cetera, her body was all full of restraints & impediments that she doesnt have to deal with anymore and the next time she’s in a body it’ll be all New And Improved and awesome. i missed so much work in anticipation of this that now i can’t get work off on the day of the funeral, so i can still go to it but i’ll have to go immediately to work right from it and have to pretend everythings fine and dandy and nothings going on.

everyone at work Does know there’s something going on however and the two coworkers i have who are actually like i consider them friends mostly they’re all like Hey Im Here For You Talk About Your Feelings Honestly with me and i. dont. want. to talk about my feelings at work. thats not what work is for and i dont like talking about my feelings anyway and i dont want them to ask anymore

the changes to the handbook and the honor code have completely sunk my heart. i had so much hope up until those hideous ridiculous unfathomably transphobic things they wrote and now i don’t feel like i can trust or have hope in ANYTHING the institution does anymore. ive been up all night going back and forth over whether i want to go to church today. or ever again. it’s not bringing me joy. it’s making me feel anxious and depressed and frustrated and alone. i keep seeing people just on the street or on facebook who are so happy and content with the church and whatever it does and i just…i get struck every single time with this thought of “they don’t care about me. they don’t care about any of these problems. they’re not affected personally by it and so they don’t care.”

and then that makes me feel like such a hypocrite because!!! ive been them too for so long!! what makes this moment so different!!!!! why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back when the camel should have thrown off the whole burden and run to join its friends at the first strike of the owner’s whip!!!!!!

plus it’s making me feel gross about my mormon memes blogs. idk if i can keep running those anymore.

im failing this semester anyway and i keep getting emails about it. i was planning to take a break from school After this semester but ive missed so much class that i just really can’t go back to any of them so i guess im just dropping out right now. as much as i’d love to participate in all the incredible amazing protests going on right now i really really cant be on campus at all without feeling literally physically ill. and my Hope was to do really well this last semester and then submit mission papers and that way i’d know exactly what next to do with my life until i decide what After, and id be able to Get Out somewhere and travel someplace while still feeling like my life has some semblance of structure and direction. however! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!

i’ve been feeling so, so horrible and so worn down and i dont even know where or what my testimony is anymore. but that’s probably a lot lower on the list of Why I Can’t Serve A Mission, because a. i still don’t trust my Local Bishop enough to talk to him about things The Handbook says to b. i am finding it harder and harder and harder to be perceived as female. i never really have dysphoria about my body or my presentation or anything but like, when people say Sister and Ma’am and Miss and Daughter and Hey Pretty Lady It’s Me Your Relief Society President it’s like…that’s not me. that feels gross. and i wear suits and ties to church, have done so for a while and never get any flak for it, and im gradually working up the nerve to maybe start introducing myself as lev or levi instead of lillie buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. socially transitioning apparently is not allowed.

not to mention my temple recommend expired ages ago anyway. anxiety about bishops prevented me from ever going in for an interview to renew it. i haven’t visited the temple once since before graduating high school. but every time i see it or think about it i long for it so badly and it hurts so much.

and also like, i get that same kinda horrible regretful longing feeling whenever i hear violin music? because i played violin for a few years and then stopped but i still have the instrument because it was given to me by my grandmother. who played it herself until sickness wouldn’t let her anymore and she entrusted it to me and i Stopped Playing but then i hoped to pick it up enough to at least learn how to play her favorite song and aw wouldn’t that be so nice to play that for her on her violin except i never actually got around to printing out the sheet music or practicing At All. and now she’s gone.

and one of the last things she said to me was that she would love to hear my book since her eyesight was too gone to read it so i said i’d record it as soon as i got the right software/hardware to do that and then i never did that either. also i promised alla yalls that book would be Published Published coming up on four months ago now and i still haven’t done that

i took a pair of safety scissors to my forearms as mentioned in a previous post and surprise surprise, the lines have not healed still, it’s getting warmer outside and thus harder to wear long sleeves, and guess what! a while ago on a separate occasion i complained that i kinda wished my self harm scars looked more like the classic cutter lines and Now They Do!! And I Hate It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a couple nights ago my little sister saw them and so i told her i got attacked by a spider-pawed bear and fortunately my brother Understands and backed me up like “dang what do they teach in schools these days i cant believe youve never heard of the spider-pawed bears that live in the mountains and are totally normal and real”

and steven universe is ending. that’s a thing.

and like….okay. not everything in my emotions right now is bad. some of it is just complicated. one coworker friend i have recently confessed that she’s had a crush on me for several months now. fortunately when she said this i was able to be honest and say that im not super eager for a relationship right now, im not ready in the slightest to settle down or anything, im still hung up on my high school crush and also dealing with issues from my last relationship, and she replied that’s all perfectly fine and she doesn’t have any expectations and she’s great being friends and we can take things at whatever pace is good

except i also now have a date with said high school crush loosely planned for tomorrow and i told this coworker friend about it and she admitted it’s making her a little jealous and then she said jealous is an ugly word and amended it to Insecure and i feel bad about that

but i also like. am really excited for this date. like it’s not really a for sure romantic capital-d Date and that’s fine, but i haven’t seen this friend irl for so long and ive been missing her so much over this past little while that we’ve been internet chatting and that ive been i guess officially falling back in love with her but i also like, i dont know what her deal is romantically right now i don’t want to presume anything but i really really really am itching to see her

work is stressful. it’s only gonna get more so as weather gets warmer. but we’re getting two new managers with loads of experience and glowing reviews next week. i have hope that they’ll makes things a little lighter.

and there’s also. good things. peridot took off her visor for the first time ever in canon and i saved like 50 different gifs of it to my computer cus it rocked my world. sonic has she-ra toys for the kids meals and i managed to snag a tiny inflatable version of the sword. i’m making cosplays of the tres horny boys from the adventure zone and they’re all very exciting and making things makes me very very happy. i’m finding joy in all the fanfictions i’m writing right now and in talking about dungeons & dragons with my brothers and friends. ducknerva is a very beautiful Good Ending version of marahope which makes me happy and taako is a super effective projection outlet. i bought cupcakes today and they were delicious. and when i think about those good things, when i think about any good thing no matter how small, everything else disappears.

whatever happens happens i guess.

she who lives will see.

[cockbiteproductions]

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

[spidergwenstefani]

Finals Week

This is a really self-indulgent semi sequel to this ficlet I wrote a little while ago about theatre major Bucky and frat bro Clint. Apparently this is gonna be the AU i use for pointless fluffy comfort now bc I’m stressed with finals essays and these boys are helping.

I definitely shifted some background characters around since the last fic sorry steve but i don’t super care so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Bucky spins his desk chair around in a lazy circle, watching the moon shining through his apartment window blur into a bright stripe with the rest of his surroundings. Someone on the floor above him has tuned their Spotify to some kind of low-fi study playlist, and Bucky feels genuinely relaxed for the first time in… months, actually.

This last week has been rough. Nearly all of his finals ended up scheduled on the same Friday and Natasha had to actually hold him back from leaping out the library window on Thursday night. It worked out alright. The Lighting Design 201 presentation had gone off shockingly well, the History of Stage Design final was way easier than expected, and his group project for Gender in Shakespeare really pulled through in the end. He half-assed the conclusion for his Dramaturgy essay, but there was only so much he could say about August Wilson without the professor realizing he was just spitting his class notes back at him. So now he’s done. A whole five days before the semester ends, too. It feels like a thousand-pound weight has been lifted off Bucky’s shoulders. He hums along to the slow jam echoing down from his upstairs neighbor, scooping up his phone to check his messages.

Nat (3 hours ago) Congrats on being done with finals

Nat (3 hours ago) If you didn’t turn that gd Fences essay in on time I will climb in through your window and strangle you in your sleep

Steve (2 hours ago) Hey! Me and some buddies were planning on going out for pizza around 7 tomorrow. Do you wanna come with? You can bring Clint so you don’t have to listen to grad students all night.

Steve (2 hours ago) Please say yes. I don’t want to listen to grad students all night.

Nat (42 minutes ago) Have you heard from Clint? He hasn’t answered my texts in hours. Not sure if I should be concerned

Nat (40 minutes ago) Send him a dick pic and see if that gets a response

Clint (3 minutes ago) im fckin dropping uot

Bucky ignores Steve and Natasha for now, typing out a quick response to Clint.

Bucky Well I’m done with finals

Bucky Can I convince you to stay in college with some fantastic Fuck Dramaturgy victory sex?

Clint i dont kno what htat is

Bucky I’ve explained Dramaturgy to you like five times

Clint i cant remembr

Clint what day is it

Clint bucky im dyin :’(

Bucky rolls his eyes, grabbing the keys off his desk and pulling on his sneakers. He would have preferred to avoid the Greek side of campus today if at all possible, but he has an idiot boyfriend to console.

Bucky omw

>>==========>

Beta Theta Pi is, as far as frat houses go, not the absolute worst. It had still been kind of a shock when Bucky realized Clint actually lives up to his frat bro vibes. Not only lives up to them but embraces them with the same enthusiasm Clint has for any other thing he cares about. Bucky could probably do PR for the Beta charity drives by now after how much Clint has gushed about them. Lord knows he’d do a better job than fucking Pietro.

Bruce answers the door on Bucky’s third knock, looking surprised to see him and vaguely stoned.

“Bucky?” he says after he gets a few blinks out of his system. Bucky wonders if it’s such a good idea to be smoking in his letterman jacket. Coach Fury’s been known to have a nose like a bloodhound. “Clint didn’t say you were coming over.”

“Has he said anything at all in the last twelve hours?” Bucky asks, shouldering past Bruce because he knows he won’t move on his own. Bruce is actually his favorite of Clint’s brothers. He’s chiller than any offensive lineman has a right to be. He does yoga, for fuck's sake. It’s probably the copious amounts of weed that mellow him out in the end, though.

“I dunno,” Bruce says, still blinking his way back to the present. He gives Bucky a slow smile as he shuts the door behind them. “Do you want tea? I made tea.”

“Maybe later,” Bucky says, because he’s just spotted Rumlow studying at the dining table and that’s the one Beta guy he genuinely doesn’t want to see today. He heads for the stairs.

“Wanna play Smash Bros?” Bruce asks as Bucky bolts for the second floor.

“Maybe later,” he shouts over his shoulder.

Clint’s room is at the far end of the hallway, and Bucky frowns at the closed door. Clint’s the kind of endearingly codependent guy that keeps his door open unless absolutely necessary, never wanting to miss out on anything that might be blocked by a thin layer of wood.

He knocks more as a warning than anything, letting himself in and shutting the door softly behind him. All the lights are off and nothing but moonlight illuminates Clint spread dramatically across the floor, staring up at his ceiling fan like he’s hoping it’ll fall on him.

“Fucking Christ,” Bucky mutters, mostly because he’s not sure Clint even heard him come in.

“I’m gonna die,” Clint answers from the floor. “Statistics is actually gonna kill me.”

“You can’t die,” Bucky says, leaning back against the door. “My mom will be crushed if I don’t bring you home for spring break.” The moonlight is making the angles of Clint’s face look especially soft, and Bucky takes a moment to watch him pout before sinking down onto the floor.

“No, it’s too late. I’m dying,” Clint says, shifting to make room on the rug as Bucky crawls over to him. He wraps his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and plants a quick kiss on his forehead before turning his glazed look back up at the ceiling fan. “You’ll come to my funeral, right?”

“Obviously,” Bucky snorts, sliding his hands under Clint’s t-shirt. He knows his fingers are ice cold, but Clint doesn’t even flinch.

“Wear black, okay? Something sexy, so my enemies get jealous of the hot piece of ass I bagged before kicking the bucket.”

“Should I cry?” Clint hasn’t seen Bucky act yet, but he’s totally going to audition for The Laramie Project next semester and blow his fucking mind.

“As much as possible. Maybe mention how much you’ll miss my massive dick.”

“I will,” Bucky says emphatically. He looks up at the ceiling fan and takes a deep breath, doing his best to bring tears to his eyes. “I’ll never love another dick as much as I loved his.” Bucky’s voice comes out impressively choked up. “I’m cursed to a life of longing. The only man who can satisfy me is lost forever.” Bucky blinks a single tear down his cheek, and Clint’s staring at him when he finally turns back.

“Holy shit,” Clint says, moving to wipe at Bucky’s cheeks like he’s actually worried about him. “Do exactly that, please. When did you learn how to cry on command?”

“When my third sister was born,” Bucky answers smugly. “I didn’t appreciate how much more attention tutus and pigtails got, so I had to find my own edge.”

“Becca’s sent me a few pictures that say you still cashed in on tutus and pigtails.” Clint rolls onto his side so he can face Bucky better, pulling him closer with a hand around his waist.

“I rocked those butterfly clips better than she could ever dream,” Bucky says, and Clint buries his laugh in Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky runs a hand up and down Clint’s back. “What day is your Stats final?” That earns him a despondent groan.

“Monday. I’m so gonna fail.” Clint’s voice is muffled by Bucky’s sweatshirt. “Why the fuck did I decide on a Business major?”

“Because you’re smart,” Bucky insists. Clint shakes his head weakly against his shoulder and Bucky smacks him lightly on the arm. “You are. You’re smart and practical, and once you have your diploma you and Nat can move to New York and open your gym.”

Clint mumbles something into his sweatshirt that Bucky doesn’t quite catch.

“What?” he asks, and he tugs the back of Clint’s shirt just enough to get him to scoot backward and speak clearly.

“I said you’ll be there too,” Clint repeats, rubbing his thumb back and forth across Bucky’s side and making an effort to keep his eyes anywhere but on Bucky’s. “Designing costumes on Broadway. Having a meltdown every other day.”

“Exactly,” Bucky says, and Clint looks up long enough to give him a hesitant smile. “And on tech week I’ll gripe to you all night long and make you rub my feet.”

“Sounds like a dream,” Clint says, and his voice is too soft to be joking. Bucky leans forward to kiss him. Clint brings his hand up to Bucky’s face, brushing his thumb over his cheek while they lose themselves for a moment or two.

“It’ll be awesome,” Bucky says once he’s pulled away. “And all you have to do is pass one dumb Stats final. It’s all easy street after that.”

“No it’s not,” Clint says, but his face doesn’t seem quite as pinched with worry. Bucky shrugs one shoulder.

“Maybe not, but this is all you have to think about right now. And even if you don’t pass, which you will, Momma Barnes will be waiting at the train station, ready to fill that void of disappointment with cookies and brisket. They offer Stats over the summer. You can even get Bruce to help you study.”

Clint smiles a little easier and presses a kiss to Bucky’s cheek.

“Bruce offered to help me study earlier this week, actually.” Bucky raises his eyebrows at him.

“And you’re not taking him up on it? Bruce is pretty much Einstein. You know that, right? What are you doing in here when you could be getting schooled on Stats in the library?”

“Well, you’re here,” Clint says and Bucky just knows his smile goes all dopey at that. “And I think even Einstein would struggle with Stats after smoking that much weed.”

“You’ll study with him tomorrow though, right?” Bucky’s not going to let Clint throw him off that easy. Clint rolls his eyes, but he nods. “Steve invited us to get pizza tomorrow. I’ll pay, as a reward for studying.”

“Steve invited us, or Steve invited you?” Clint asks, scrunching up his nose. Bucky snorts, shoving at Clint half-heartedly.

“Steve invited us. To go out with him and his friends. I dunno why you hate him so much. He thinks you’re pretty cool.”

“I don’t hate him,” Clint says defensively, but he still shifts forward to wrap his arms possessively around Bucky. “I just want to make sure he knows that the position of Bucky’s Buff Blond Boyfriend is already happily filled. Also, fuck him. I’m really cool.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Bucky says. He’s kind of stuck in Clint’s steel trap of a hug. “It’s not like that. First of all, I don’t date grad students, and second of all we totally have more of a big brother-little brother sort of thing going on. I think he’s more into Tony, anyway.”

“Aw, gross,” Clint laughs, letting Bucky out of his death grip. “They deserve each other.”

“People probably say the same thing about us,” Bucky says. Clint grins at him, opening his mouth to share some kind of smart-ass response. A knock on the door cuts him off and makes them both jump.

“Do you guys have pants on?” Bruce’s voice comes through the door way louder than necessary. “If you don’t, sorry. Keep doing your thing or whatever. We’re starting a new Smash tournament, though, if you wanna join.”

“No, Bruce. C’mon man,” Bucky hears Sam say, and there’s the sound of scuffling feet like Sam’s trying to yank Bruce back from the door. “They’re probably having their own Smash tournament in there.”

“Bucky would have invited me,” Bruce insists, and Clint sits up with a laugh.

“We have pants on, Bruce,” he calls, and the door opens a moment later.

“Are you guys just sitting in the dark?” Bruce frowns down at Bucky, who’s still sprawled across the rug.

“Yeah,” Clint says, and then because he catches Bucky’s meaningful look, “Are you busy tomorrow? Think you could help me with Stats?”

“Yeah,” Bruce says, smiling easily. Bucky thinks Clint looks relieved, like he actually thought Bruce might say no. “We can go to the library.”

“Alright, Bruce.” Bucky stands up, offering a hand and hauling Clint to his feet too. “Let’s smash. I call the pink controller.”

[jodywegner]

A bad day. (I just need to rant into the abyss of the internet)

I’ve never actually left work early for a bad day before. But I felt that today if I didn’t, I’d end up embarrassing myself and ruining all of my relationships with my coworkers or better yet end up in the HR office. It was just an accumulation of a few too many small things that have been building up for months while I’m emotionally vulnerable.

I also know that none of my coworkers will ever see this post. But even if they do, I doubt they were aware of my feelings. The worst part is that nothing is really anyone’s fault. There’s no bad guy, and that makes it all the more frustrating, and that finally came to a head today. Because I can’t chew people out for doing nothing wrong. Sorry for the long post. Lotta resentments getting bottled up.

So context. 1. My grandfather has been in declining health for a while now. This isn’t very upsetting for me. He’s in his mid 90s and lived a full life. We were all provided for and everything is taken care of. For me, it feels more like a natural thing that is now finally happening. My aunt and my father have been fighting for years over different things, but my grandfather’s declining health has definitely rekindled the flames of war. 2. I work in TV animation production, and my goal is to become a storyboard artist. I’ve made that goal clear. I’ve asked for tests but I can never get any. I’ve asked for feedback and no one has given me any. The shining star of this was my boss giving me 5 long minutes of not quite saying “it’s not good enough.” I figured he was busy and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He did say that if he hadn’t hired our then current revisionist, he’d love to have me start as one. Since then, he’s hired 4 more revisionists who have come and gone for different reasons. 3. I don’t think I draw that fucking bad. I’ve been told my artists I work with “why don’t you have an art job yet?” which the answer is “because no one will fucking give me one when I ask and you guys aren’t in a position to.” (they mean it as a compliment but it just really keeps bringing me down whenever I fail) And there are a lot of people my age getting art jobs while I’m not and yah I’m not that old but it’s very stressful and discouraging regardless of logic and optimism. 4. My intern this last semester showed my boss a sample board and got extensive notes and feedback and was offered freelance revision work even though she’s still a junior in college. She’s 3 years younger than me and was here for 2 months. My boss literally walked into my office then started talking to her in the adjacent cube over the wall about how good she is and the upcoming freelance revisionist work. And I have to sit there quietly and pretend it’s not killing me. 5. I’m lactose intolerant. 6. I guess I’ve been suffering from job related depression for the above reasons. Nothing major, I’m not suicidal, but I’m definitely very unhappy and going to work is definitely not a fun or even neutral experience anymore. It’s hard because the correct answer to my problem is “git gud’ and we all know how NOT FUCKING HELPFUL that is. Today 1. I get a text from my parents at 6 am telling me that my grandfather has passed away. We went over yesterday to say our goodbyes expecting him to pass either today or tomorrow. We left at around 8pm and asked my aunt to call us when he passed and that we’d come over. So my parents find out that he passed away at 6 am today. From a third party that isn’t even FUCKING RELATED TO US. Apparently my grandfather had passed away 10 minutes after we left yesterday, and she decided not to let us know. We had to find out through some other person offering my father his condolences. 2. Well the two coworkers I am closest with were late for miscellaneous reasons so I kinda had to keep #1 bottled up for 2 hours. 3. When things happen, I bluster and storm for the first hour before calming down and becoming rational. So I’m sitting at my desk all morning trying my best to keep my shit together because I’m absolutely fuming and was (forbid) by my mother to retaliate. She’s not wrong but there’s a lotta stress and emotions here. (3.5. Although I was directly forbid retaliation, I still went ahead and planned it anyways because it was a mildly constructive use of my stress. DM me if you want to know how to ruin someone’s entire week and never get caught.) 4. I took some Lactaid 30 minutes before I decided to finish my leftover mac n cheese from the fancy food truck yesterday as breakfast. Yah the Lactaid didn’t work at all for some ungodly reason... It’s 9am and I’m in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally now.... 5. So one of my favored coworkers finally beats traffic and gets in so I go to talk to her about all of this. I immediately get cry-y. Which blah blah blah crying is part of grieving but I can do that later. It’s not great when I’m at work because crying opens up the floodgate of emotions and the near impossible task of re-wrangling them under control is now daunting. Emotional fortitude -50. And people just kinda didn’t notice that I was crying and upset and not very quietly recounting this horrible morning story. They kinda walked right by. Not a single person other than that one coworker (and my other favored one who came in a bit later) offered me any condolences or asked about how I was doing of if I was ok. It’d be one thing if that happened and no one was around and I regained my composure. BUT I DIDN’T. 6. That fucking intern (who’s a nice person but god I wish they’d stop existing in my life. It’s fucking petty but today is really the worst day for it so fuck it I’m saying it.) is coming in for a big storyboard meeting between all the board artists, revisionists, and supervisors. So I had to see her and pretend to smile and be pleasant and supportive while I’m emotionally compromised, grieving, pissed, and now petty and jealous all over again. So I get that out of the way and I sit back down and get to work. 7. The other coworker I like to talk to comes in. She was a former intern who also wants to be a board artist so we try to help each other in our endeavors together. She’s an optimist. She says that she’s going to ask if she can sit in on the meeting and asks if I’d like to come along. Bless her outgoing-ness that I struggle with. But as much as I’d like to... that’s a room full of people who either forgot that I want to be a board artist, don’t care, or are straight up ignoring me about it and keep doing and saying all of these unintentionally hurtful things to and near me. Also that fucking intern is there. Also I’m pissed. Also I’m emotionally distraught. So I declined her offer. Even if I could get something good out of that meeting, I’m pretty sure I would have just had a breakdown in the corner. So I didn’t want to embarrass myself like that or make people feel uncomfortable for doing their normal business. 8. So by this point I’m sure I’m going to be snippy or mean or start crying in front of people, so my goal was to finish my most important task and leave at noon. I finish, I grab my bag to leave. As I do, they all get out of their storyboard meeting and bluster past me because they are now late for seeing the storyboard trainee program final presentations. GREAT. 9. Another production coworker of mine comments on how its important for them to go in case they see anyone they’d like to hire as a revisionist. I fianlly hit FUCKIT and say “IM GOING HOME.” And so I go to walk to the elevators. 10. I chose the wrong time to walk to the elevators because everyone in that meeting is waiting at the elevators to go look at the storyboard trainee presentations and scope out the new talent. They’re in too much of a busy mind to notice that I’m about to cry and am probably glaring with white knuckles as I clutch my bag. Luckily for me the elevator is full and I have an excuse to take the next one and not theirs. A part of me wished that they would say “come on in! i’m sure you can fit!” But... stuff like that never happens with them. No one goes out of their way to include me in things. So... whatever. Maybe I’m just being negative trying to find the bad in every little thing, but this is a rant so I’m going to do just that because fuck the consequences of people liking me and thinking I know how to adult properly. 11. I’m driving home and get a message from my coworker (glanced at a long red dont arrest me pls wait till tomorrow) saying that the intern asked if I had sent her intern evaluation to her school yet. I did. A few weeks ago. This isn’t really a bad thing it’s just that I was finally fucking free and just about to not have any reason to keep it together but then BAM. Intern shows up in my life again. Right after I though it was all over. A little god damn poke. Now So I managed to drive home without crashing into buildings or furiously honking and I am now just holding my cat and typing this. I’m pretty sure none of my coworkers will ever see this. A part of me wishes they would and that maybe they’d care, because I really don’t want to have to start a conversation specifically about all of this with them.    Who the hell starts a conversation with: “By the way boss, can you please stop discussing giving the intern freelance work when I’m within earshot let alone in my god damn 6′x8′ cube?” “Hey boss, remember when I asked you for feedback and got none? Why does the intern get your full attention when you are even busier?” “Hey boss, why have you hired 4 more revisionists when you said that’d you’d love to have me as one? Did you forget? Were you just lying to me because you didn’t know how to give me feedback? Did you even care about what you say to me?” “Hey intern, I understand you are excited and this is a great opportunity for you, but can you please read the room at least a little because I want to cry every single time?” “Hey everyone, I want to be a board artist remember? REMEMBER?” ”Hey everyone... I’m an artist too.” “Hey everyone, can anyone just give me a little help?” ”Hey everyone, if I keep my purse stocked with your allergy medications, pain killers, band aids, digestive relief, girly goods and keep good snacks around and remember your schedules and try to make your jobs easier and serve as your primary IT person...will you remember that I’m here?” “Hey everyone, do you all dislike me or do you all just not care enough to notice me?” They’re all good people, but it’s not stuff that I really know how to say just out of the blue. So today... I just couldn’t stand being even in my own cube anymore. I’m not an outgoing entrepreneurial person who bugs people everyday trying to sell themselves as an artist. I’m someone who tells you my intentions, and asks for help, and then believes people when they tell me sorry they’re busy, that they wish they could help, that they’d love to have me if only not for “x”. No one is entitled to give me a job or help me. But... I don’t get why I’m the only one who gets nothing for a response when I do ask. If they were busy, that’d be fine. But since then things have gotten busier, and my boss personally worked through multiple iterations of my intern’s practice board with her. A good piece of advice I got was that your first 5 tests are awful...but I can’t even get anyone to give me my first one. I’m told to work hard and “git gud”. But it feels like I’m just bashing my head against a brick wall, and no one even acknowledges the effort. It feels like if I decide to stop doing that because I’m about to have a breakdown, I’ll be looked down on as a quitter and not passionate enough. I have passion, but all of this is 100% killing it, and I don’t want to hate art. I really don’t. But I’m starting to. It’s hard for me to enjoy it when now it’s only done to seek attention and approval that I’ll never get from these people. Today would have been difficult still, but not unbearable if not for that. My grandfather’s death isn’t a tragedy for me. He was in pain for a long time and he definitely made the most of his life. The tragedy is that despite all of this, my aunt decided that my family didn’t deserve to know that our grandfather, my father’s father (who lives literally 5 minutes away by car), had passed. I’m definitely not looking forward to the memorial service for my grandfather. Not because the death is hard to deal with but because all of the family there is. Would love to make life terrible for my aunt. Would love to be just as petty. I have so many colorful things to say and do. But ultimately none of that matters. It’s just death. Nothing changes it or adds a new flavor to it. So all of that anger and hurt just kinda snowballed today. And to top it all off as I’m typing this some asshole is beating a dog somewhere in the neighborhood and the dog is screaming and yelping. (called the police so hopefully they find them) Thanks for reading this long negative rant. I hope it helps anyone who is feeling similarly frustrated, because I dont have someone around who’s breaking down quite like I am so this is all I have. Shooting it into the internet in a passive aggressive attempt and chance that maybe someone who needs to read it will. Positive news: I watered my plants with the extra time. I hugged my cat. I will be returning with art for Mermay.