#and she doesn't even know about Marisol

[thebuckandeddiething]

Hats off to Kim for actually calmly listening and sitting down in his house because I would be out that door the second I saw the first picture 😬

[bekolxeram]

The sheer number of times Eddie is mentioned when Buck comes out to Maddie has been pointed out time and time again. Some take it as a sign that Buck is subconsciously in love with Eddie, some see it as foreshadowing for these two to be romantically involved in the future, while others simply think it's an Easter egg left in by writers as a nod to shippers.

The way I see it, there is a reason why Eddie keeps being brought up in this scene, but it's not what you think.

If you've rewatched this scene as much as I have, you'd remember that Buck actually isn't coming out to Maddie on purpose in this scene. He originally goes there to talk and ask for her advice, because he feels bad about the hot chicks incident when Eddie walked in on him and Tommy at the restaurant.

In fact, he fully intends to keep the identity of his date hidden. He can't even risk Chimney getting wind of it, in case he or Eddie puts two and two together and figures the whole thing out.

Maddie is always there to talk things out with her brother, but she would never turn down a chance to gossip.

He completely dodges Maddie's question and quickly changes the subject. He needs to tell Maddie the full story of his disastrous date, but he can only refer to Tommy as his date, or "this person". The more he does this, the higher the risk of slipping up, Maddie would likely ask more questions about this mysterious person as well, so Buck frames the whole narrative around the only person he can safely refer to: Eddie (and Marisol, but she isn't important in this story).

Maddie picks up on Buck's secrecy, now she really wants to know who this person is and why Buck refuses to reveal their identity. Buck again immediately shuts it down, and brings the topic back to Eddie.

While I'm sure Buck feels bad for lying to his best friend, especially when there's no reason to expect Eddie reacting with anything less than acceptance, when Buck starts actually talking about his behavior and what upsets him the most, it isn't really about Eddie. He's ashamed of himself for lying right in front of Tommy. In fact, he's so upset over Tommy cutting the date short and leaving him on the curb that he accidentally uses a gendered pronoun.

Maddie "I am 9-1-1" Han makes a career out of being a good and thorough listener, so of course she notices the pronoun. From this point on, the subject of the conversation shifts from Eddie to Buck's newly discovered sexuality, and later, Tommy.

Buck knows he goes to Maddie because he feels bad, but he still hasn't fully processed the fact that he's into men too and what it means to him. He's still calling himself an ally, a supporter of queer people, but he's confused as to why it doesn't seem to apply when it comes to himself. Maddie correctly points out that he's no longer just an ally, and the recency of his discovery might have been the cause of his strange and panicked behavior during the date.

This is the prime example of acting turning the same line into different meanings. The first "wow" seems to me like Maddie is finally connecting the dots. She practically raised her brother, it's not unlikely that she has previously witnessed Buck having boy problems. I feel like it's a "wow, everything makes so much sense now" wow. It looks like Buck takes a little offence at it and asks Maddie to clarify what she means by "wow". Maddie tells him it's more like a "wow, this is a nice surprise" wow.

Oh, boy is completely clueless. Maddie is just trying her best to keep up with Buck's increasingly oblivious statements.

Buck suddenly brings up Tommy, probably because he hasn't been able to stop thinking about him since the kiss. Apparently, he's so attracted to Tommy both physically and as a person, it makes him realize his interest in men, something no other has achieved thus far. Maddie recognizes the name her brother has been harping on for the past few weeks.

Poor Maddie must be so confused. First her brother and husband-to-be keep talking about how cool this pilot who saved everyone is, then he becomes Eddie's friend and Buck gets all jealous about it. Most recently, Maddie is horrified by Buck's action on the basketball court, because he only has a history of hurting himself to get someone's attention, not the target of his attention seeking. And now Buck has gone on a date with Tommy? So Maddie decides, one step at a time, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Buck initially tells Maddie about lying to his best friend and how he feels like a fraud, so she tackles (no pun intended) this part first.

If you come into this scene with preconceived notions, the word "feelings" being in proximity to the name Eddie may seem like to you that Maddie is pointing to "Buck's misplaced romantic feelings towards Eddie". But if you put these lines into context, Buck simply isn't sure of how he feels about his bisexuality in general. In fact, the only thing he's certain of in this entire conversation is his attraction to Tommy. Maddie also isn't bringing up Eddie out of the blue because she thinks her brother is secretly in love with his best friend. Again, Buck originally does want advice about lying to Eddie, albeit partly using his name to avoid revealing his date's identity, so Maddie gives it to him now, no need to read too much in between the lines, especially after the "wow" exchange.

Now that the Eddie stuff is out of the way, Maddie can comfortably gossip about Buck's new hot pilot crush. And Buck looks absolutely smitten at the mere mention of Tommy.

Eddie is undoubtedly a very important person in Buck's life, and it must be killing Buck inside for lying about something so important to his best friend. Though in this scene, Buck seems to be mostly using Eddie's name to circumvent the necessity of mentioning Tommy's name and to deflect any probing question about his identity. Once he accidently lets it slip that he was on a date with a guy, he pretty much drops the whole Eddie act entirely.

[peppermintquartz]

Tommy must have been staring at his phone for far too long, because Donato pounces on him (metaphorically) in the dining area.

"I go on leave for a week and you flew a chopper into a hurricane?" Donato exclaims, punching him in the bicep.

"Ow," Tommy says out of habit. "The hurricane was mostly over by then, actually."

Donato huffs. "The things you get up to without my calming influence, Kinard."

Putting down his phone, Tommy levels a stare at his friend. "Last I remember, you're the one who scaled a cliff sans harness to get to a scared kid."

"And got chewed up for it after," Donato says brightly, holding up a finger. Her voice drops. "Seriously though. What's the brass gonna do about you guys?"

"Hopefully? Nothing. There's enough positive publicity that's got Simpson off our asses, so I'm hoping it'll blow over."

"Melton says you might be grounded for some time."

"I wouldn't be surprised." Tommy sighs and leans back in his chair. "As long as I'm not fired, I'm ok with the consequences." His lips twitch into a smile. "You'd have liked it though. I got to land the bird on an upside down cruise ship, in a storm."

"Oh fuck you, Kinard, you lucky bastard." Donato grins, her blonde bob bouncing as she jumps to her feet. "You're buying me lunch, by the way."

"Why?"

"Because you love me," she says, laughing as she jogs off to bother someone else. "Mentaiko bowl, you know the one!"

Tommy shakes his head fondly. He didn't know what about him had attracted Lucy Donato's friendship, but her effervescent energy always brightens up his day.

Which still doesn't help with Tommy's dilemma, which is one leggy firefighter named Evan Buckley. His sunny demeanor and inexplicably funny chatter in the middle of a helicopter heist and dangerous rescue had helped Tommy stay focused on the task. Afterwards, on the return journey, Tommy, Howie, Hen, Athena and Bobby caught up with one another, and both Eddie and Evan had been there, joining in the conversation whenever they can.

Tommy hopes no one actually saw him staring at Evan most of the time. It helped that they had sat opposite each other, and Evan's eyes had been so, so blue, the color of a clear summer sky, and his smile radiant. Of course it was easy to get numbers from everyone then - Tommy needed to update the ones for Athena and Bobby, and he added Eddie Diaz and Evan Buckley into his contacts.

Eddie texted him the very next day asking if Tommy's up for a quick visit to the Diaz household, because his son Christopher wanted to meet the pilot who helped save Captain Nash, and Tommy decided that, heck it, he could do with some new friends, and went.

And for the next hour or so, he listened to Christopher wax rhapsodic about "my friend Buck", how brave and funny and clever Buck is, how selfless, how he rescued Chris during the tsunami, how good a friend he was, how he loved taking Chris to the zoo and built him a structure so that Chris could skateboard, how the lightning strike gave him insane math powers, how good a cook he is...

And the photos Chris shared about Evan all show Evan grinning happily, as if there's nothing else he'd rather be doing than be with Christopher and Eddie.

For a moment Tommy had thought that Eddie and Evan were an item, until Marisol showed up at the house and kissed Eddie in the kitchen. The relief Tommy felt is disproportionate to how much he knew Evan. Which is ridiculous - Evan might have a partner already, or might not be into men, and Evan hasn't ever texted Tommy yet. Eddie's already sending dozens of messages about the upcoming reunification fight.

The phone in Tommy's hands suddenly rings and he almost drops it in shock. Cursing, he quickly swipes up to answer. "Hello, this is Kinard."

"Oh, uh, hi Tommy. It's Evan. Buckley. E-Evan Buckley."

Tommy swallows his surprise even as a huge smile blossoms on his face. "Hey. I wasn't, um, expecting you to call."

Evan chuckles. Is that nervousness in his voice? "Listen. Um, I was, uh, I was wondering if you gave, like, tours? Of the station?"

Tommy's heart skips a beat. Does this mean Evan wants to transfer to Harbor? Then he realizes it's been too long since the question so he hastily says, "Yeah, yes. I could show you around, if you want."

It's a good thing he's not hooked up to anything measuring his pulse. Tommy thinks his heart may jump out of his chest.

On the other end of the line, Evan says, "Great! Uh, you-you have my number so. Text me possible dates and times to go over?"

"Sure," Tommy replies, his mouth dry. He thinks about fawn-colored hair, blue eyes, red lips. He swallows again. "See you soon, Evan."

"See you soon, Tommy."

[chronicowboy]

His breakup with Marisol is about as unremarkable as the rest of their relationship. There's no catastrophic muffin mess in his kitchen or divorce papers. Just a quiet I don't think this is working out, I'm sorry. Marisol hadn't even cried. She'd just nodded like she'd been waiting for it and left, didn't even need to grab anything from the house before she went and really that just reassured Eddie that this was the right choice.

So, his breakup with Marisol is unremarkable, except that it's not. It's pretty fucking remarkable when he thinks about it because it's not just that they weren't working out, not just that he really didn't care about spending time with her, not just the clench in his gut every time she touched him. No. It's pretty fucking remarkable because he realises he's in love with his best friend.

That's what pushes him over the edge, gives him the last kick he needs to actually break things off with her. Because Eddie may have sworn himself to secrecy about it the moment he realised, but he could never string someone along just because he couldn't have the real someone he wanted.

It's a fucking revelation once he has it. Not a ton of bricks, but the sun peeking out from behind the clouds on the greyest of days, bright and blinding. And the way Eddie has always thought of Buck in terms of sunshine maybe should have tipped him off sooner, but with the way Buck has been beaming over the past few weeks. Well. Eddie doesn't really think he can be blamed for only just taking his sunglasses off and daring to look directly at the light.

And, okay, so Eddie maybe makes it a full week before he decides his self-sworn secrecy absolutely is not a viable option when Buck walks through life now like a drop of sunshine in human form. It's after Buck leaves the Diaz house, walking out from a day of giggles and joy at the go-kart track they'd finally managed to convince Chris to be seen with them at, leaving behind a cosy heat like sun-warmed skin, that Eddie realises he cannot go another day without telling Buck that he's desperately, deeply in love with him.

And so, that's how Eddie finds himself at Buck's door on a random Sunday morning, knocking for the first time since Natalia waltzed out of the picture. Buck opens it a few moments later looking perfectly sleep-rumpled and soft and downright golden where he's backlit by the early morning sunlight pooling in the loft.

"Eddie," Buck breathes out, eyes darting up the stairs before refocusing on Eddie and what must be the most hopelessly lovesick expression painted across his face. "H-hey, what are you doing here?"

"I, um." Eddie takes a deep breath, suddenly nervous, and wipes his clammy palms on his jeans. "I wanted to talk to you about something. Now a good time?" And Buck must hear the slightly shaky steel in his voice because the surprise on his face morphs into a concern so quintessentially Buck that Eddie just wants to kiss it away.

"Y-yeah, of course, come on in." Buck holds the door open for him, and Eddie migrates to the fridge as Buck closes the door with the gentlest touch. "So, um, what's up?"

"I..." Eddie swallows against the heart in his throat, loses himself in the shining blue of Buck's eyes like an ocean he'd be more than happy to drown in. "I broke up with Marisol last week."

"Oh, Eddie." Buck slumps, and Eddie tries not to think that it looks a little like relief. "I'm so sorry, man. That sucks."

"No, no." Eddie waves him off with a laugh. "It's good. Was a long time coming actually." He shakes his head at himself. "I think I was dating her just to tick a box, you know? Realised you probably shouldn't be more excited about a phone call from your new buddy than one from your kinda long-term girlfriend. You definitely shouldn't be relieved when you see your best friend in the restaurant you're taking her to and disappointed when you realise he's just leaving."

And then, Buck blushes, ducks his head, does that little smile that could light up every house on South Bedford Street just like Eddie had been hoping for.

"Yeah." Buck looks up at him from under his lashes. "Probably not."

It bolsters Eddie. Buck's sunshine giving him that one last push he needs.

"There was something else I wanted to say," Eddie starts. And there isn't really any fear in him, knows they'll make it through this no matter what, just an overwhelming sense of peace to come. "I..." A deep breath, gathering all his love and devotion in his lungs so it's ready to pour out on his next inhale and—

A groan from upstairs has the words dying in his throat. A masculine groan. And then:

"Evan?"

"D-down here," Buck calls back.

Eddie can't take his eyes off the loft, stuck there like a car crash he can't look away from as a very shirtless Tommy Kinard appears at the top of the stairs and quickly blanches.

"Shit. Um..." He looks down at Buck in a panic.

Eddie finally manages to drag his eyes away from the very chiselled curveball that just hit him at a hundred miles per hour and finds Buck's face. Small, scared, shaken. He knows the feeling. And because he loves Buck, because of just how deeply he loves Buck, it's the easiest thing in the world to lock that love away and let his face crack into the most genuine of grins. Because if Tommy's been the thing making Buck shine like every fucking star in the sky, well Eddie will absolutely not be getting between them.

"You've been so happy," Eddie chokes out, still smiling.

"I have," Buck whispers.

"And I'm so happy for you." Eddie covers the distance between them in three long strides and pulls Buck into a hug so tight and clinging he's sure it's a confession in and of itself, but Buck only buries in deeper, taking shaky little breaths in the crook of Eddie's neck.

"Thank you," Buck murmurs into his skin. Eddie squeezes his eyes shut against the sudden rush of tears.

"Sorry you didn't get to tell me on your own terms," he murmurs back, letting Buck pull away, but lingering with a hand on his hip, on his shoulder. He should maybe be worried about what this could look like to Tommy who had basically never heard anything apart from rambles about Buck, except when he glances up the stairs, Tommy is nowhere to be seen.

"I was going to tell you," Buck rushes out. "I-I just wasn't sure how."

"That's okay," Eddie says. It's okay. It's okay. "Well, I'll stop gate-crashing for the... Second time?" He raises an eyebrow, and Buck flushes a pink Eddie will never ever get to taste. "Yeah, okay. That makes sense." He remembers the pure fear on Buck's face, the indecision on Tommy's and the sudden tightening of his own chest despite his smile. "I'll leave you guys to it." He clears his throat. "Kinard, if you hurt him, they'll never find your body," he shouts up the stairs.

"Copy that, Diaz," Tommy shouts back.

"I'm really proud of you, Buck." Eddie wraps him in another hug then, a quick thing, just one last touch before Eddie seals every desire away for good.

"Thanks, Eddie." Buck walks him to the door, eyes glistening with unshed tears, and Eddie wants to hug him again. Wants so badly it hurts. But if he hugs Buck again, he doesn't think he'll ever let go. "See you at work tomorrow."

"See you at work." Eddie prays Buck is too distracted to hear the wobble in his voice.

"Wait, sorry, what did you want to talk about?"

Eddie freezes on the threshold, the stutter of his heart painful like he's back in a suit store, and he catches himself on the doorframe with a shaking hand.

"It can wait."

[alchemistc]

won't make my mama proud

read on ao3

Buck's just gonna say it. He's not gonna be cagey about it. He's not gonna make it weird. Everyone important doesn't need an announcement, they'll - they'll see him, and they'll understand, and Buck will get to enjoy himself.

His parents are the wildcard.

"E- Buck," his mom starts, brow furrowed as she looks at the seating chart. She's getting better at catching herself, and it's small fries but it's not nothing. "Why did George get moved to table seven?"

He'd been a little giddy, sitting at Maddie's kitchen table with the seating chart out, the tips of his ears bright red and the smile refusing to leave his face, basking in the little hip-shake arm-wave dance Maddie'd done when he asked if she could fit a plus one in.

Buck honestly couldn't remember who they'd moved to make it work, but it'd made the most sense - Tommy knew Bobby and Athena, he knew Karen and Eddie and Marisol, he wouldn't have to sit with a table of strangers who didn't even know a "George" anyway.

His mom's eyes flit to the extended family table, where Tommy has been tucked in between Eddie and Denny. He'd made the place card himself, intent to match the script from the printers, tongue sticking out as he swooped the 'Y' out in gold Sharpie on a piece of leftover cardstock cut to match.

"Uh - I'm bringing a date, after all," Buck says, and he watches his mom slide through names, a mental list of people she vaguely knows of. The Marisol thing had been a point of contention - extended family meant family to Margaret and Phillip Buckley, and they'd already made an exception to let Chim include Eddie and his son at that particular table. They'd acted like the relationship to the bride and the groom was going to be hovering over the top of each table. So. She knows the name Marisol. She knows Athena and Bobby. Knows Karen.

The list of potential dates is growing smaller by the minute and clearly it's not computing.

He's just gonna rip the bandaid off. "His name is Tommy. My date."

Once upon a time, he'd have taken an opportunity like this to make sure he was the center of fucking attention for as long as he possibly could be. Maybe drive home the point that his parents didn't know him as well as they claimed they did. Definitely press their buttons, see if he could invite a reaction out of them.

Now he waves off his mother's confused silence. "I already ran it by Maddie and Chim, they know him." Sort of. It's too complicated to explain to his parents, right now. Maybe if the dancing goes well, at the reception. Maybe once he's snuck about fifty more kisses in.

"Buck, you can't bring a friend as a plus one to your sister's wedding."

He doesn't see why not, really, but that's - very much not the point. Oh. Oh yeah, that's a little painful. He gets why Tommy'd slammed the brakes, now, when he'd stuck his foot in it.

"Good thing he's my date, then, mom."

Even after all this time, he always feels like he's one bad interaction away from laying into his parents, but he tempers it. This isn't really about him, or them. This is about Maddie's wedding, which is two days away and doesn't need the distraction of the brides family having it out. Again.

"What do you mean?" she asks, and - her defensive voice always sounds like she's expecting a direct attack, teeth at her jugular and she's too frail to stop it. He's always hated the way she does that, because it always makes her sound like the victim of a heinous crime when half the time she's just trying to deny something she's been accused of.

Buck takes a deep breath through his nose. "Tommy. He's my date to the wedding. Once we've all eaten and toasted at the reception he'll be the one I'm getting drinks for, he'll be the one I'm introducing to Maddie's work friends, he'll be the one I'm dancing with." He'll be the one I'm going home with, Buck doesn't say, even if he really fucking wants to. He'd gotten a dick pic for the first time last night that had rocked his entire fucking world and he's very ready to explore the realities of finally understanding he's attracted to the male form in a sexual way.

She goes through what seems like all the stages of grief at once. Not unexpected, but still kinda shitty to witness. But she's - they're both better. His parents are trying. He'll give them that. She shores up a PTA mom smile.

"Oh. I didn't know you... Well I just didn't know."

"It's new," he says, because now doesn't feel like the time to tell her he's been analyzing old friendships for weeks now, that his penchant for trying to create deep bonds with men he admires has taken on a new meaning to him. He doesn't want to get into the conversation he'd had with Tommy two nights ago, Tommy laughing but understanding as Buck regaled him with the tale of how he'd followed the varsity kicker around like a lost puppy for most of his junior year and he'd only just figured out why. "Tommy used to work at the 118, though, so he's not exactly a stranger."

He doesn't really feel like giving her more than that. It's new to him, too, it's new and fragile and it's settling warm in his gut, this feeling like he finally knows the way to make a proper chili is to add some unsweetened cocoa powder. The recipe works without it but it was never quite right, until the secret ingredient got thrown in.

"You'll have to introduce us," his mom says, and Buck thinks about it - about the way Tommy will internalize the confused looks his parents try to hide, and the way Buck will want to curl tighter around him because of it, the way he'll want to shrink under the force of his parents never quite getting him and how he knows, he knows Tommy won't let him shrink.

"Yeah," he says, and his mind goes back to thinking of Tommy in a suit.

Tommy with a button undone that turns into three by the third song, Tommy fiddling with cufflinks, Tommy with suspenders, Tommy's ass in a pair of crisp tapered trousers. Buck wonders if he's an ankle sock with dress shoes guy.

His mom turns back to her trove of little gift bags, plastic crinkling as she ties another finished one off. He's - it feels a bit like he's waiting for a shoe to drop, sitting there next to her as her hands continue to pull jute twine from its roll in even six inch lengths, cutting them, twisting bags and tying them off.

Their hands meet the next time he slides a pile of filled bags over to her -- a bubble jar, three Jordan almonds, four Kisses, a quarter inch of crinkle paper on the bottom. Buck goes to move his hand back and her soft, wrinkled hand reaches out to pat his knuckles before she returns to her twine.

-----

He picks up Tommy's call when he's halfway home. "Hey," he says, and he knows Tommy can hear the smile in his voice. He can't bring himself to care.

"Hey. Did you already eat at your sisters?"

"No, my parents took Jee out to dinner so Maddie and Chim could have the night before Maddie imposes her weird twenty-four hour no contact rule."

"You Buckley's," Tommy says, and there's something fond in his voice that makes Buck's heart squeeze, just a bit. "I know I'll see you tomorrow night, but I thought, if you're not busy --."

"I'm not busy," Buck interrupts, and Tommy's little chuff of a laugh echoes back at him.

"Maybe I'm about to ask you to detail my truck for me."

Buck's still trying to find the right way to word his thoughts about armor-all and gear shafts when Tommy cuts across them.

"Low hanging fruit, Evan," he warns, even though he can't have possibly known what Buck was thinking.

"I was thinking about the twig, not the berries," Buck shoots back, and Tommy groans.

"You have sufficient evidence not to call it a twig."

"Which is why I was trying to compare it to the gear shift, before you derailed that train of thought."

"Do you wanna come over for dinner or not, Evan Buckley?"

Buck taps his thumbs on the steering wheel, does a little jig in his seat, tries not to smile so wide that he scares the driver next to him as he coasts to a stop at a red light.

"Are the berries on the menu?"

"The stick shift too, if you're lucky."

"This metaphor is getting a little murky."

"If you wanted to stop for shitty burgers I wouldn't mind," Tommy admits, voice softening, and Buck is already trying to plot out the best route to In-N-Out from here to Tommy's. "If you think of a way to make an Animal Style innuendo you are not getting into my pants tonight."

"I'll stick with the hot meat puns, then."

Tommy laughs, bright and loud, goofy like he can't quite control it, and Buck settles into his seat, flipping his blinker to get into the turn lane so he can double back a few blocks.

"You far enough away I can hop in the shower without telling you where I keep my hide-a-key?"

"Yeah, but maybe you should tell me anyway."

Tommy hums, and something settles under Buck's skin when Tommy gives him a frankly ridiculous set of instructions that no first responder is ever gonna follow in an emergency when they could just kick the door in, dispatch instructions be damned.

It's far too early in this, but Buck's pretty sure he's deep enough in this that it wouldn't weird him out if Tommy told him to keep the spare. He doesn't, and Buck doesn't mind, but it's there, in the back of his mind, that feeling like they're both in this for the long haul.

"Hey, I told my mom you're coming as my plus one," Buck says into the comfortable silence that drifts over the line. Tommy knows the bare minimum about his family, really, but he knows that's significant all the same.

"How did that...go?" And Buck keeps forgetting that Tommy wasn't always confidently out, that he's experienced the coming out conversation with a lot worse results than Buck's experienced, so far.

"She was mostly weirded out that you made George move to table seven," Buck jokes, because he's not sure he's fully unpacked how he feels about it yet, and Tommy - Tommy gets that.

"If I'm stepping on toes, I don't mind sitting with all the weird singles and estranged aunts, Evan," Tommy assures, for the twentieth time.

"You're sitting with the people I want you to be sitting with," Buck reminds him, and hopes he understands the part of that that Buck doesn't know how to say out loud yet.

"Noted," he says, that same tone as when he met Buck for coffee, a few weeks ago now, the weight of understanding the things between the lines.

"Go shower," Buck tells him, and tries not to let his imagination run too wild at the thought. "I'll see you in a bit."

Tommy doesn't immediately respond, and Buck can imagine him on the other side of the call, debating whether or not to make the dumb joke about detailing his gear stick himself. He clearly has better impulse control than Buck. "See you soon," he says after a beat, and hangs up before Buck can draw him back in.

[buddieism]

tommy's character, bucktommy's inherent flaws, tommy & eddie as mirrors and buddie endgame; a (lengthy) meta analysis

honestly, what's really confirmed my feelings about tommy (and the imminent bucktommy bones -> buddie pipeline) is that there have now been multiple opportunities for the writers to actually make tommy a likeable/serious love interest for buck and they just…haven’t. because while fans are naturally going to overanalyse every little thing, the vast majority of the show's audience are regular viewers who consume the show at face value and don't think twice about it -- so if tommy was intended to be buck's endgame or anything remotely close to it, they'd absolutely want to make the most of his (very limited) screen time to present him in the best light they could. think about karen, the only non-main LI, and how she was introduced to us -- despite hen's cheating, we can see how dedicated karen and hen are to each other and how karen is a complex character in her own right who is immediately easy to root for and love.

comparatively, when we look at tommy's s7 appearances and specifically his interactions with buck, it becomes abundantly clear that there isn't really much depth to their relationship at all. which is fine! it's just... you know. fine. let's get into it.

following the cruise arc, we watch tommy through buck's eyes in 7x04 where he's basically wining and dining eddie -- flying him to vegas, getting them front row tickets to a fight, sparring with him in muay thai, playing pick up basketball with him -- tommy and eddie are so similar (which we'll come back to later), and we even get that line from eddie about how well they "click." as the audience, we are being subconsciously told to align tommy and eddie together -- and furthermore, we are told that tommy can easily make grand gestures when he wants to. now let's compare that to the bucktommy moments of the season.

bucktommy's first date: tommy makes a shady comment that would have outed buck if eddie or marisol caught onto it and then proceeds to abandon him on the sidewalk because he thinks buck isn't "ready" for a relationship with a man

i'll be objective here -- i understand in a show like 911 there's always going to be "unnecessary" relationship conflict for the sake of drama and i can also see how buck trying to play off their date as platonic to eddie might have put a bad taste in tommy's mouth. but we hear from tommy himself that he struggled with being open about his sexuality when he was at the 118 so he could have absolutely extended some sympathy towards buck for not wanting to come out on the spot to his best friend -- especially when tommy fully knows how important of a role eddie plays in buck's life. at the very least, he didn't have to leave buck alone on the curb. this isn't me trying to woobify buck because yeah, he's a grown man, he's fine -- but that doesn't mean it still isn't a bit of an asshole move.

the bachelor party: tommy doesn't dress up for the theme and dismisses buck when he's clearly disappointed about him doing so

tommy showing zero interest for the bachelor party buck planned is practically the writers waving a massive red flag in front of the camera -- him having to leave because he's on call is an understandable 'conflict' plot point but why not have him show up in an 80s themed outfit? it wouldn't have changed anything except that he and buck would have had a positive interaction; buck would have been happy that tommy cared enough to make that small gesture and it could have been a cute way to establish their relationship as one built on mutual effort. (btw, the bucktommy hospital kiss could be seen as a big gesture, sure -- but from a more practical viewpoint knowing how rushed this season had to be, it was also just an easy way for buck to "come out" to the rest of the 118 without having to spend too much episode airtime on it.)

the medal ceremony: tommy says 'enjoy it while it lasts' (which, LOL) and also is not shown reacting to buck receiving his medal. he also has a conversation with henren in a deleted scene.

again, i'm going to try to give tommy the benefit of the doubt -- i'm not saying he has to be sunshine and rainbows all the time and i have no issue with a character having a snarky/sarcastic side. but when his screentime is so minimal, every line of dialogue matters. and it's pretty damning that the writers aren't taking those few chances to give us something to appreciate about him. with buck, tommy makes a dismissive comment for literally zero reason, and with hen and karen, who are rightfully looking out for their friend, tommy refuses to take them seriously at all.

bucktommy's dinner in the finale: buck displays some vulnerability about losing bobby, and tommy... really doesn't seem to care.

honestly i refuse to rewatch this part of the ep because it really icks me out on another level but iirc: buck says he's glad bobby's okay because bobby is like the father he never had -> tommy says "your father's alive" -> something something joke about daddy issues. ignoring #that joke entirely, it's really insane to me that they have tommy even acknowledge the nuclear bomb that is buck's relationship with his parents. yes, we had a bit of a ham-fisted 'redemption arc' in s6 but that doesn't negate the buckley parents being absolutely heinous and the fact that buck verbalises how bobby played the role of the father figure because philip didn't -- all for tommy to basically deny that to his face -- is absurd. tommy has expressed on multiple occasions that he's jealous of the 118 family bond, so this line is just... very interesting to me.

now, let's recap all these events and bring eddie back into the mix!

post-bucktommy's first date, buck is more torn up about the fact that he lied to eddie than the actual date to the point that he has to vent to maddie about it. he then comes out to eddie, who is incredibly supportive (and oliver and ryan make some very curious acting choices indeed). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

pre-bachelor party, eddie is the one to suggest he and buck dress in matching (queer-coded) costumes. he then stays by buck's side at the party when everyone else leaves and although we'll never get to see it (tim minear i'm inside your walls👹), they sing an absurdly romantic karaoke song together. eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

during the medal ceremony, when the camera pans to each member of the 118's love interest/family, it is eddie we are shown smiling at buck, not tommy. this is especially interesting considering we get buck reacting to tommy. i honestly can't get over how a reciprocated tommy reaction would have been an easy yet significant moment to cement bucktommy as a relationship, but they gave us eddie's instead (with chris in the background and marisol conveniently obscured, mind you). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

in the final episode, when eddie is experiencing his personal worst nightmare, buck is the one at eddie's side every step of the way. buck talks to christopher, buck reassures eddie (without judgement), and it's made clear that buck will be there for eddie, whatever he needs.

at every possible opportunity, we the audience are being implicitly told that eddie is buck's person. he is his place of support (buck having his more vulnerable coming out scene with eddie rather than his sister); he has buck's back (the bachelor party); he is his family (medal ceremony reaction), and ultimately, this goes both ways (finale).

some other things worth noting: when buck has his coming out scene with maddie, she tells him he's confused about his feelings in a way that seems to indicate she's talking about his feelings towards eddie ("if you there's something you need to tell eddie, you will"). in bobby's conversation with buck in the firehouse, he's verbally supportive of tommy and even asks if buck is going to see him, but buck goes to eddie's house instead. these were deliberate choices made by the writers; eddie has been consistently intertwined in bucktommy's relationship both overtly and subtextually throughout the entirety of s7. and let's not even get into the whole 'evan' thing, because that could be a whole other post in itself.

from the first moment we start to learn about tommy's character (beyond his... coloured past), we find out that he and eddie are practically mirrors. why not make tommy and buck share similar interests? why not give them something to bond over? why present tommy and eddie as almost identical in every way? because tommy is a placeholder for eddie. buck's initial bisexuality journey can't happen with eddie when eddie still hasn't come to terms with his own feelings. so, in the meantime, tommy is the "safe" choice in buck's mind because buck has nothing to lose with tommy whereas he's got everything to lose with eddie. buck can't confront what he truly wants yet because the risk factor is far greater and it's been repeatedly asserted that buck has an issue with people in his life leaving -- he would never do anything to jeopardise his relationship with eddie.

but ultimately (and in my opinion, fairly soon), we are going to get that moment where it "clicks" for buck and he realises that it is eddie he has feelings for. and when that happens, there's basically only one way it can go. we know buck can't keep secrets from eddie; we know eddie is going into s8 feeling "isolated"; we know tim loves making his characters suffer before they can be happy. in my mind, the narrative is going to go something like this: buck feelings realisation -> pining buck era -> eddie healing journey and a reevaluation of what buck means to him -> some insane life-threatening situation that really doubles down on how buck and eddie care more about each other than anyone else because it is 9-1-1 at the end of the day -> love confession induced by their dramatic near-death experience -> #BUDDIE_CANON !

when we factor in how there was a possibility of eddie having the sexuality arc this season instead, how tim has said buddie is one of his favourite dynamics of the show, and how supportive both oliver and ryan are of the ship, i really can't see how everything isn't building to buddie endgame. every other main pairing of the show has had seasons of development, of conflict, of bonding moments. buck and eddie have gone through that with each other time and time over (tsunami/lawsuit/shooting arc etc), which is why every other random love interest that's introduced for either of them falls flat in comparison. they quite literally are exactly what the other person needs; buck wants the stability of a home, a family, and unconditional love; eddie wants someone he can trust, a caretaker for his son but also a partner. buddie is the ship the audience wants to root for, because we know they work! now that we have canonically bisexual buck and eddie finally having to face his complicated feelings about losing shannon, buddie isn't just the logical conclusion -- it's the inevitable one.

[glorious-spoon]

a miserable pile of secrets [9-1-1 | Eddie Diaz & Hen Wilson | 1/1]

1.8K words | friendship | emotional hurt/comfort | implied/referenced cheating

a miserable pile of secrets [on AO3]

She finds Eddie up on the rooftop, which makes sense, given that Buck is currently working out his feelings on the heavy bag after Bobby finally snapped at the two of them to get their acts together unless they wanted to be benched. Chim's down in the weight room with him, which means that Hen is up here in the warm night air to talk some sense into the other half of their codependent little unit, who is currently perched on one of the folding chairs that they usually leave up here. He's as still as a statue, tense like he's afraid of what his body might do if he lets it move.

"Hey," Hen says, and he gives a jerky little nod of acknowledgement. "Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead."

"Thanks." She pulls out one of the other chairs and sits down. "So."

"Bobby sent you."

"I sent myself," she corrects mildly, and watches Eddie's shoulders hunch a little. "I don't think I've ever seen you and Buck fight like that."

Though the truth is, she really only caught the tail end of it. Buck's frustrated voice rising on, "Do you hear yourself? How did you think this was going to work out? Have you even thought about Chris? What, you were just going to introduce him to her like—"

"Chris? Since when is how I parent my son any of your business?"

"I don't know, Eddie, you kind of made it my business when you put me in your fucking will!"

"Yeah, well, maybe that was a mistake!"

There was ringing silence in the wake of that. Then Buck said something quieter, inaudible from where Hen and Chim were standing frozen outside the locker room door, and Eddie spat, "Go to hell. I'm done talking about this."

The door slammed open and he stormed out, only pausing for a moment when he saw the two of them standing there. It wasn't until he'd already stomped up the stairs to the loft that Buck emerged, scowling.

"I don't want to talk about it," he snapped, before either of them could speak.

That was six hours ago. Neither of them has said a single word to each other since outside of the bare minimum on calls. The tension in the back of the truck has been thick enough to cut with a knife, and none of Chim's increasingly desperate jokes has done a damn thing to lighten the mood.

Hen doesn't blame Bobby for being fed up with the pair of them. She's caught somewhere between that and worry, herself. This isn't like them. Either of them.

Eddie shrugs again, tense. "I don't really feel like talking about it."

"Mm." 

Hen kicks her legs out, relaxes into the chair and waits him out. It doesn't take long. Maybe two minutes before he lets out an angry little huff and says, "Marisol dumped me this morning."

"Oh," Hen says. That explains some of the mood, anyway. "Well, I'm sorry to—"

"I cheated on her. She found out."

She closes her mouth. For a moment she just looks at him: his tight jaw, his hands in fists on his thighs, so tense he looks like he's about to snap. Like looking through a warped mirror to a younger version of herself, and maybe that's why she manages some gentleness when she says, "That doesn't sound like you."

"Yeah. That's what Buck said. Shows what he knows."

"Why'd you do it?"

"It doesn't matter. It was stupid. I fucked up."

"If you're waiting on me to tell you otherwise, you'll be waiting a while." Eddie lets out a sharp, bitter little bark of laughter, and Hen adds. "I've been there, you know."

"Yeah. But it's not—Karen forgave you."

"Eventually, yeah. She didn't have to."

"Yeah," Eddie says, and then doesn't say anything else. 

"Is that what you and Buck were fighting about?"

He shrugs again. Like talking to a damn teenager, Hen thinks. Not Denny, with his easy sweetness, but like one of the other kids who come through their home sometimes on temporary placements: already on the defensive, claws out, ready to fight. 

"I guess," he mutters finally.

"You put him in your will?" Eddie scowls at her, and she shrugs. "Hey, if you want it to be a secret, maybe don't have your domestics at the top of your lungs in the locker room we all use."

He scoffs, clearly annoyed, but doesn't get up and storm off, so she's counting that as a win. Finally, he says, "Yeah. He's down as Chris's legal guardian if something happens to me. Since—uh, since I almost died in that well collapse a few years back."

Oh. Hen contemplates that for a moment, squares it up in her head with what she already knows about Eddie. It's not, she'll admit, completely out of left field. But still. "And you think maybe that was a mistake?"

Eddie groans, dropping his head back. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."

"Maybe you should tell Buck that."

"He's pissed at me."

"Seems mutual."

"Yeah," Eddie says, wry and still kind of irritated. But then he sighs. "You ever do something where you know the whole time you're doing it that it's going to blow up in your face, and somehow that still doesn't stop you?"

"Yep," Hen says, remembering a dark little motel room and the sharp cut of Eva's smile. A whole damn pile of fuck-ups, that relationship was, and she dragged it along with her to almost ruin the best thing in her life.

"I keep thinking I see Shannon. It's like she's just around the corner, like if I turn around fast enough, she'll be there, and I'll be able to go back and make it right. But I can't."

"No. You can't."

"It's been five fucking years."

"No timeline on grief."

"I went on a date with a woman just because she looked like her." Hen raises her eyebrows at him. He slouches lower in his seat. "A couple of dates. It—didn't end well."

"Mm. You mean because she turned out to be a whole damn person who wasn't Shannon, or because your girlfriend found out?"

"Both," Eddie mutters. "Believe me, I already heard it from Buck."

"Oh, I believe it."

"But he's—" Eddie snaps his mouth shut.

"Kind of a hypocrite on this particular subject?" Hen offers.

"That's not what I was going to say. He's with Tommy now. So."

"So?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter."

Hen would dearly love to interrogate that line of thinking, but she keeps her mouth shut. For a little while, they don't speak. It's a transient kind of peace; their next call could come at any minute. But for now, the city's as quiet as it ever is, lit up and beautiful in the distance.

Eventually, Eddie shifts in his chair, straightens up like he's bracing for something, then says, abruptly, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Hen raises her eyebrows. "Go ahead."

"Have you ever been with a guy?"

"Excuse me?"

"Forget it," he says quickly, hunching in on himself again. "I don't even know why I asked. You can tell me to go to hell."

She almost does tell him to go to hell. Has her mouth open and everything. But then she takes another good look at his face and lets the words dissipate. 

"No," she says finally. "Kissed a couple of boys in high school, but I pretty much always knew it wasn't for me."

"Oh." Eddie's mouth twists. He's still staring a hole in the concrete by his feet, and Hen wishes like hell that this was easier for him, that he could have stumbled into it with wide eyes and open arms without leaving a trail of wreckage in his wake. Buck managed it, but it's not like that for everyone. She knows that.

"Karen was engaged to a man, you know," she says, and she watches him still, watches him turn, finally, to look at her. 

"I didn't know that."

"It was a long time ago. College sweetheart. She called it off a week before the wedding. Broke his damn heart, from what I hear. Probably better in the long run, though, all things considered."

Eddie laughs at that, a raw, horrible little sound. "I was a bad husband to Shannon. I loved her so much, and I still could never—and I always thought that maybe, if we'd just had more time, maybe I could have gotten it right, and we could have been a family again, and it would have been okay."

"But she died."

"She asked me for a divorce."

"Oh." Hen takes a breath, lets it out. Careful, careful. "I didn't know that."

"Nobody knows that. I mean. Bobby does. But nobody else. Because she died two days later, so I never had to—to tell anyone. I never had to admit it. I could keep pretending. But it doesn't even matter, because I've also fucked up every relationship I've been in since. So it's kind of obvious where the problem is."

"Mm. You know what my mama used to say?"

Eddie cuts her a look. "What?"

"Get down from that cross, we need the wood."

When he laughs this time, it sounds a little more real. Hen nudges her knee against his, and for a minute they sit there together in silence.

"I fucked up," he says again, but it's calmer.

"Yep."

"What the hell do I say to Buck?"

Not Marisol, Hen notes. Though the truth is she's pretty sure that whole relationship was dead and gone long before whatever went down this morning. Maybe from the very beginning. Eddie's just got a bad habit of dragging those corpses around. "Sorry might be a good start."

"He's gonna ask why. I don't have a good answer. I can't—" He looks over at her, and all Hen can think is that he looks so damn young. "I can't."

"So tell him that. You know he's not gonna push it."

"Yeah, he will."

"He's worried about you."

Eddie scoffs. "Yeah."

That was, Hen surmises what the fight was about in the first place. Unstoppable force, immovable object. Sometimes she wishes she could just knock their stubborn heads together until they showed some sense.

"He loves you," she says, and Eddie flinches.

"I know that," he mutters.

Hen sighs. "Just talk to him. You don't have to tell him anything you're not ready to tell him, but just—talk to him. Okay? For all our sakes."

"Yeah, okay," Eddie says, sounding defeated. "Sorry about that."

"We'll survive," Hen says. She bumps her knee against his again, and they sit there together in silence, watching the city lights, until the bell starts going off below.

[exhuastedpigeon]

Picture this in a scene after the Diaz parents meet Marisol:

"Eddie, can we talk to you for a second?" Helena looks a little tense not ten minutes after Marisol left the house. Eddie is reminded of countless conversations where he was made to feel like a failure. He takes a breath before closing the kitchen door - Christopher doesn't need to hear this.

"Yeah, sure," Eddie sits down. He's sure he's about to hear that Marisol is so great and how they can't wait for him to marry her because she's the kind of woman they want for him, but he's a bad partner to her. This is why he never let them meet Ana.

"We just, we're a little worried about you," Helena says and then she looks at Ramon.

"We just wanted to talk to you about Marisol," Ramon says, eyes earnestly on Eddie. He and his dad have been talking more often, they're closer now than they ever have been and still Eddie hadn't mentioned Marisol to him until he knew they were coming into town and might meet her by accident. "You don't seem happy."

"I don't seem happy?" Eddie asks and it feels like a weight being lifted off of him as the words leave his mouth. Like he's finally voiced a secret he's been carrying for months - and maybe he has.

"I know we never liked Shannon all that much and that we never gave her a fair chance, but at least you liked her - you loved her," Helena says, her voice soft and kind, none of the judgement Eddie expected to hear in it. "But Marisol? You clearly don't even like her that much honey. Why are you with her?"

"Chris likes her," Eddie says but that's only part of the truth and he decides that he can say the other half. "And I- I'm so sick of feeling like a failure. My wife left me, I haven't had a successful relationship in my entire life. Marisol is great, it should work. We should be happy."

"But that's not how love works," Ramon says, reaching a hand out and patting Eddie's arm gently, giving him comfort in a way that reaches inside Eddie's chest and feels like a hug.

Before Eddie can respond he hears the front door open.

"Diazes I'm home," Buck calls. Eddie can't stop the smile from spreading over his face at Buck's voice.

"I think you know more about love than you realize," Ramon says with a smile. "Go on, say hello to Buck. We'll be out in a minute."

So Eddie goes and grins when he sees Buck reach over the back of the couch to ruffle Chris's hair where Chris is laying down watching a show.

"Hey Buck," Eddie says, leaning against the living room door.

"Hey Eddie," Buck grins back.

And yeah, maybe Eddie does know a little bit about love that he realized. Maybe he's almost ready for it too.

[chuuzmii]

Omg nobody is saying eddie is queer because he had a few bad relationships with women like can we sit here and be honest with ourselves and say that HIS RELATIONSHIPS (excluding marisol bro rlly fucked that one up) WERENT EVEN BAD!! But there have been sooo many reasons over the years to think Eddie is queer? "I don't like dating it feels like performing." Cut to Hen giving him an odd look. "Ive never seen a man turn off a woman with so much skill." "It's a gift." "They weren't my type." Like we could really keep going because the amount of tthings he says that just come off as glaringly queer is abundant. But then we can look to his past AND SEE THINGS THEREEE!!! Eddie didnt marry Shannon out of love but out of duty. Do you know how many queer men get married to women because they feel like its what they should do? Eddie isn't hanging on to Shannon out of love but because she was christophers mother. Everytime he talks about her its NEVER ABOUT HER! He never goes oh she was kind she was soft she was sweet she was literally anything a man would say about a woman they loved and lost. He just says she was Christophers mother. That doesn't sound like a man who truly romantically loved his wife.

Then moving on to Ana. She was quite literally the perfect woman. Like she stood by and helped him after he got shot and they had barely even rlly been dating when that happened. You cannot tell me that him having panic attacks every time he thinks of going any further with her isn't indication of queerness. Dude is struggling to make a family with women but is relaxed and happy making one with a man? QUEERRRRR. But once again this relationship was less about Eddie and more about Christopher. "My son loves her?" "Is that enough?" Like Buck was right it WASNT enough because he didnt even like her enough to introduce her as his gf to ravi (this was truly evil).

And okay maybe ur like "Ana was his first gf after Shannon ofc he was having panic attacks!" But then look at what happened with Marisol.. he tried to go a step further with her then immediately regretted it and asked her to leave right after. He struggles in all of his relationships because he cannot bring himself to feel what he's supposed to feel for them. I also truly believe the Kim thing was partially him self sabotaging his relationship.

I could honestly keep going and talk about the military and toxic masculinity, i could bring up him having to be the "man" of his house, hell i could bring up marisol being a nun. This MAN IS QUEER TO MEEEEEEE

[virahaus]

Okay so I'm gonna say this cause I've just seen another post reiterating this narrative and I simply cannot comprehend the way people are going out of their way to make Tommy a villain when he's NOT.

First of all, the much discussed date.

It was clear that before Eddie and Marisol showed up Tommy was totally fine with Buck being a bit of a clueless baby bi and did not put it against him. He didn't say anything snarky to him, nor he questioned him being out or not, he teased and flirted with him even after the whole "I'm an ally" speech, which kudos to my man cause I couldn't have taken my date seriously if they said something like that.

It's clear that Tommy only took issues with the way the date was going after Buck made the horrible decision to say that they are going to pick up "hot chicks" and play it up like that.

Now, I don't think the issue here is Buck not saying he's on a date with him. It's clear by the way the dialogue has been constructed with all the hints about closet space and by Tommy's snarky line (which again VALID. He was not outing Buck. He was not trying in the slightest to do so. Eddie and Marisol are talking about closet space as in FURNITURE. To that for Eddie to take a leap and think that the closet is something more than it is, is frankly ridiculous. We know the double meaning because we are the audience. It's a joke for US, and for Buck only, not for Eddie who by the way was also clueless about Tommy's own sexuality);

The real problem was that Buck also shoved Tommy back in the closet. I don't think Tommy wanted Buck to announce there and there that they were on a date, especially after the whole convo and questions about being out in the workplace. It's an obvious hint to the fact that Buck is not out and it's reinforced by Buck also telling him that it's his first date with a dude. Season 7 Tommy hasn't been shown to be stupid or insensitive so it's obvious that he would have read between the lines.

So, it's clear that the issue here is that Tommy did not want to be shoved back into the closet, especially after years of unlearning bad behaviour and the journey to accept the fact he's gay. He doesn't offer it but he also doesn't want to be shoved back into a position where he has to deny he's gay. Which again, is super valid of him.

The moment most people try to use against Tommy is the fact that he cut off their date and left Buck alone outside the restaurant, which... Tommy had all the right to cut short their date. He was uncomfortable with how things were going and so he cut his losses. He's not rude or disrespectful, he even reiterates how he thinks Buck is adorable and in the same breath he also establishes his limits. Again, fair.

But some of y'all are acting as if he left Buck alone in the middle of the desert, not in fucking LA where Buck can call a cab anytime and go back home easily. Buck is not a kid, he's a grown ass man and can very well go back home alone. He's not drunk, nor under substance, he's not injured and he certainly can use his phone and call a cab.

You all have a thing about seeing Buck as completely incompetent, helpless and unable to take care of himself, and I must remind you that he's the same person who got out of his parents house and immediately took off and did a tour of the Americas, managed to live on his own, and was healthy and alive when he got to LA in season 1.

So you might want to remember that.

Another thing you all like to dangle over Tommy like "gotcha" kinda moment is the fact that in his past he was an asshole to Chin and Hen, some almost 10 years before what is being shown on screen now. It's clear that he's friends with Chim still and even if he did not keep in touch with Hen there's no animosity there either. In the flashback where he leaves the 118 Hen is the one to shove him face first into a cake. Do you think he would have taken it so well had they not been friendly? Or that Hen would have done that if she didn't think she could do so? It's already established in the flashbacks that they have worked through their issues and for you to demand Hen or Chim to be hostile with him rn or that he needs to "work for their friendship" it's simply madness.

The flashbacks already established him as having changed and being friends with both them and Bobby, since there's also a scene of them going out to a bar together and they all have fun together. For you to demand more without also having a Tommy Begins episode it's frankly ridiculous. He's not that important in Chim or Hen's lives as of now to need a further explanation but "they resolved their issues and there's that". And he was not obligated to come out to Hen at any time. You do not owe your sexuality to anyone.

Anyway. There's that. My big rant for some of the things I've seen since the break. If y'all liked this I might do more dissertations of the other out of pocket takes I've seen around. And my ask is also open if you want to ask my opinion on something

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 47!

...plus a very special non-buddie fic!! an excellent reading week, once again. the 911 fandom has so many incredible writers!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

and i need you more than want you (and i want you for all time) | dykeries/@buddiesbian| 25.9k | E

Buck and Eddie's relationship changes over a series of phone calls. Along the way, their family finds its way back home to each other. there's something about phone calls for buddie that just hits so hard... doesn't matter if they're sex calls or emotional calls. this fic is so good, i devoured it!!

ball games | thesquinky | 8.4k | T

buck takes eddie to that lakers game, after all. buck and eddie at the lakers game!! kiss cams!! i was crossing my fingers someone would write a fic exactly like this and it did not disappoint <3

been there, done that (once or twice) | kaistinlove/@kaistinlove | 21.6k | E

the one where Buck wants to make a boudoir album and enlists Eddie's help as a photographer. i clicked on this SO FAST when i saw it!! so good so hot so perfect

DIAZ | mandolare/@confessionseddie | 3k | E

Buck wears the wrong jacket. buck needs to always wear the wrong jacket imo <3 so lovely!!

hold me like water | singomuse7 | 6.3k | T

Eddie's not the most oblivious person in the world and instantly understands what that closet joke meant, and instead of crashing out and blowing his life up about it, he gives Buck sensible advice and breaks up with Marisol. Cue 6k words of gay crisis during madney's wedding. i love love love this fic's eddie so much <3 so good!!

i belong with you, you belong with me (you're my sweetheart) | Distressed_Ladybug15/@cadiebug | 1.4k | GA

For a second they just stand there, staring into Chris’ room, then Buck tips his head back and to the side so he can meet Eddie’s eyes. “Hi,” he mumbles, voice hoarse and overused from work. i needed a little hurt/comfort like this a couple of days ago and it hit the spot perfectly <3

jee- yun's big day | rainbow_nerds/@rainbow-nerdss | 6k | GA

“So, Jee,” Mommy says. “You remember how we visited Daddy at work before?” Jee-Yun nods. “Captain Bobby says you can come to work with me for a whole day!” Daddy looks excited, and Jee thinks about it. Daddy’s work is pretty fun, she thinks. Captain Bobby cooked some really yummy pasta, and Uncle Buck is always there, and so are Aunt Hen and Uncle Eddie. THIS FIC. this fic is the non-buddie inclusion of this week but honestly i don't even care, i need everyone to read it immediately. the loveliest cutest jee ever, and such a lovely ensemble of characters around her <3

make a spark (break the dark) | prettyunhinged | 4.9k | E

Eddie is gay. Tommy sucks. Buck and Eddie frot about it on the couch. this fic is how i realised that there's an ao3 tag especially for eddie's couch and honestly, she deserves it <3 so hot so buddie so good!!

my home is your body | coldbam/@coldbam | 16.6k | E

Buck and Eddie have vastly different nights at Pride. Then very similar summers. this was a reread and it still hits so very hard. the ultimate buddie fwb fic!!

my man says he loves me (never says he loves me not) | colonoscopys/@colonoscopys | 9.7k | GA

croakett: I don’t know what to do tubbalubb: me neither He stares at the screen. Is this the correct time to bring up Buck’s abs? buddie online friendship AND irl friendship?? sign me right up wow i love this!! they're so silly and they love each other so much <3

please, please, please | bookinit/@bookinit02 | 8.7k | E

buck doesn’t touch eddie anymore. eddie’s losing it, a little bit. honestly eddie i'd lose it too. this fic combines pining and getting together and touch-starvation so basically if there was a venn diagram of my favourite fic tropes this would be right in the middle <3

red + white + boom | onlythemessenger | 3k | T

Unexpected fireworks catch Eddie off guard after a bad week. Buck and Bobby help him through the aftermath. bobbyeddie friendship my most beloved <3 love how this fic portrays them!!

this mortal coil (shuffle) | eirabach/@eirabach | 20.1k | M

Maddie was never supposed to be Buck’s mother. Eddie was never allowed to be his anything. But three minutes and seventeen seconds later, here they are. this fic hurt but in the best way. love maddie here in particular <3

this world turns over | dottie_weewoo/@dottie-wan-kenobi | 4.8k | T

Before Buck stands up fully, Eddie reaches out with his good hand to pet Christopher’s hair, pushing a few strands out of his face. “Goodnight, mijo,” he whispers, getting only a mumble in response. A soft smile steals over his face, his eyes moving from his son to Buck. “Hey, Buck?” domestic and wonderful <3 this was a lovely morning read on the bus earlier this week!!

we are bound | EiraLloyd/@unlifeira | 7.2k | T

Every human was born with a prophecy. That was the deal, or so they taught at school. But Evan knew better. He wasn’t born with a prophecy. He’d asked and asked and asked, but his parents shrugged every time, and eventually, Evan stopped asking. Why bother when he already knew the answer he’d get? i love the style and structure of this fic so so much, it's gorgeously written!! a true treat <3

you're looking like you fell in love tonight | devirnis/@devirnis | 1.1k | GA

There’s an arm slung across his waist, a head on his shoulder, soft hairs tickling the underside of his jaw. He breathes in, the cobwebs of sleep slowly dissolving in his brain, and he smells — Eddie. i did fall in love tonight and it was with this fic <3 so so lovely!!

[wellcollapse]

it still makes me sick to think about how there's an entire history between eddie and shannon that we've never seen onscreen and never will because it's been lost to time and distance and grief and now only exists in eddie's memories....because although it is true that the way eddie talks about his marriage doesn't line up with what we saw between them in seasons two and three, the thing is....we can't ignore that we were only introduced to shannon long after the magic between them was crushed under the weight of everything that they both had to carry. because they were just kids when they met!!! they were just kids when they fell in love!!

they were just kids who thought that they had all the time in the world to have fun and be young and dumb and carefree (and for eddie, she was likely the only person he thought he would be able to have that with at the time given the responsibilities that he was facing at home) until it all came crashing down around them and they were forced to take on the roles of wife, husband, father, mother, soldier, none of which they were equipped to take on. and yes, we got a few flashes of the magic that eddie mentioned here and there in canon — the post-sex scene in season two that was steeped in history and familiarity and the scene of them both laughing at the beach over how incredible their son is (right before shannon dropped the pregnancy bomb on eddie) — but almost all of that happiness, that magnetic feeling that eddie's been chasing ever since, only exists in the past. and it's a beautiful past that only he remembers because the person that he once shared it with is gone forever.

and the worst part about all of this is that he thinks that past is all he can ever have!! @captain-hen mentioned to me once that eddie approached his relationships with both ana and marisol (stick it out, make it work) in a way that makes it clear that he doesn't really believe that he can truly move on and give his heart to either of them. because the thing is, he doesn't want to be alone forever, he wants to find that magic again, he's been told that he's allowed to move on, that it's the right thing to do, but he still thinks he's broken. he still thinks he's eternally doomed to mourn what he once had with shannon, to never move forward into a life where she's gone, even though it's the only life that he has now. even though it's the life he's been living ever since she showed him that positive pregnancy test. god. it's so tragic that eddie is so steadfast in his belief that she was the love of his life. but he still doesn't know that she was only the first love of his life. that the kind of love he's been looking for — the safety, the trust, the partnership, the laughter and tears and romance and magic — already exists, in the present and in his future. he doesn't know it. i'm going to be sick!

[littlerosetrove]

Eddie being baffling this season so far when it comes to Marisol nolastname:

has used her as a babysitter multiple times, especially when he wants to hang out with Tommy or probably even Buck.

on a call said he was "taken at the moment", which is WILD considering maybe a couple weeks later he:

"goes with his gut" and asks his girlfriend of maybe 4 months to move in with him, and then:

3-ish days later says, wait. nevermind. we don't actually know all that much about each other huh? ok, move out please haha!

BUT ALSO during the 3-ish days Marisol was barely moved in, --> Eddie's gut instinct to part of that mess (him not knowing how to set boundaries and say "hey, i don't want to have sex") was to break up with her. he may have been joking, but there was legit truth in it. alas. --> Bobby delicately tells Eddie he didn't think Eddie was so invested in Marisol that he'd ask her to move in already (which implies Eddie doesn't really even talk about her that much, let alone is serious about her). Bobby says you don't have commitment issues with some things. --> you can see on Eddie's face he really does think he should break up with Marisol, or at the very least has Definite Doubts about her, but pushes those correct feelings away to. double down with Marisol (stay with her anyway)... for some reason.

Marisol was MIA from either wedding, the big one and the one at the hospital. (Abuela was at the hospital wedding for some reason. no idea why, but it is funny that she's Eddie's plus one.)

In conclusion: Eddie and this whole nothing burger of a relationship is perplexing. I know Marisol is just a catalyst for Eddie's Catholic guilt apparently, but GD.

Also, Eddie I love you, but you're kind of a terrible boyfriend. Marisol like Ana also seems to have zero friends to tell her to leave already.

[chronicowboy]

Eddie isn't sure why he doesn't tell Buck about Marisol. He doesn't mention meeting her at the hardware store, doesn't mention exchanging numbers, doesn't mention the many failed texting attempts, definitely doesn't mention asking her out—or, well, saying yes when she asked him out.

A month ago he'd know exactly why he wasn't telling Buck about her. Most likely because a month ago he'd still believe he and Buck were dancing around something, so he never would have blushed his way through an interaction in front of the epoxy shelf in the first place. But now, with Buck and Natalia, Eddie doesn't know why he wouldn't just tell him.

Buck would be happy for him. He knows that much.

And yet, Eddie doesn't tell him, doesn't want to tell him, wants to keep Marisol as separate from Buck as he can possibly manage given how they met those first two times. He just wants to have something that isn't defined by Buck.

(He already has the heartache when Buck mentions Natalia with that little smile, already has the fear of rejection whenever he asks Buck to hang out now, already has Christopher who tilts his head when he's confused just like Buck.)

But its impossible to keep anything from Buck for long. And really, he should have seen this coming.

"Eddie, that is so embarrassing." Buck is shaking with his laughter at Christopher's colourful retelling of Eddie wiping out in the school parking lot the other day.

"For me or him?" Chris replies without missing a beat, only succeeding in making Buck laugh harder. He falls across the length of the couch as he clutches at his sides and Eddie shakes his head from the kitchen doorway. "Besides, if you think that's embarrassing," Chris snickers, and Eddie blanches, "you should have seen him trying to ask Marisol out."

Buck's laughter stops instantaneously, his whole body freezing up, and the silence consumes Eddie whole. He swallows thickly as Buck drags his eyes away from Christopher to look at Eddie. For once, Eddie can't actually see Buck, not the way he normally he can, all he sees is the Buck who can rip his heart from his sleeve and tuck it back into his chest.

"Marisol?" he prods weakly. "Rosa's mom?"

"No, God, no." Eddie shakes his head vigorously, tries to get back on even ground. "You think any single mom at that school would say yes after the Monday fiasco?"

"Who's Marisol?" Buck asks without even a huff of laughter.

"We went and helped her out after we destroyed the house she was fixing up, remember?" Eddie shrugs, ducks his head to avoid Buck's carefully blank eyes. "Saw her in the hardware store a month ago, finally worked up the courage to ask her out."

"Technically, she asked you," Chris chimes in. "I have no idea why."

"Thanks, kid," Eddie sighs.

"Wait, so I can't date someone I met on a call but you can?" Buck butts in, a heat behind the words that makes Eddie's hackles rise.

"I never said you couldn't date her," Eddie retorts, trying not to let his frustration boil over. "I politely tried to remind you that you dating someone you saved never ends well."

"Oh, wow." Buck scoffs. "I didn't save her, Eddie. She had a scratch on her hand, I patched it up. That's it."

"Yeah, I patched Ana's hand up too," Eddie mutters. He glances down at Christopher and feels a tendril of guilt curl around his heart. He's already had to live through his parents' arguments before, Eddie's not making him do it again.

Eddie purses his lips as he retreats into the kitchen, settling back against the fridge to let the cool metal calm him down. He tries to sort through Buck's reaction, but it doesn't make sense. This goes beyond the protective instincts of a best friend, and it feels like more than just Buck's abandonment issues rearing their head.

Everything gets so fucked up when one of them dates. A mess that neither one of them thinks to clean up until its too late. To Eddie, it makes sense. Now, anyway. Now, he knows why he'd hated Abby's ghost so passionately, why he'd U-turned so sharply from finding Ali perfectly nice to a ticking time bomb, why he'd only hated Taylor more with every day that had passed. And, of course, Natalia who never stood a chance when she was hanging onto Buck's death and running away from his life. Because Buck would never hold a grudge, but Eddie does it gladly and without being asked, simmering at the side-lines.

But Buck's reactions never make sense. Not to Shannon, not to Ana, not to Vanessa, not to Marisol.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Buck asks as soon as the kitchen door closes behind him.

"I don't know." Eddie squeezes his eyes shut and tilts his head towards the ceiling.

"Were you going to tell me?"

"I don't know." Eddie sighs, knocks his head against the fridge once for good measure. He cracks an eye open to look at Buck. "Were you going to tell me that you and Natalia bought a new couch together?"

"I did tell you." Buck frowns.

"No, I came over and saw the new couch and you distractedly told me that your mom's couch was covered in Kameron's amniotic fluid. Which you also didn't tell me about." Eddie folds his arms over his chest and takes a deep breath. "Buck, what are we arguing about here?"

"Our girlfriends apparently," Buck mumbles.

"I don't have a girlfriend. Just a date on Saturday." Eddie rolls his eyes, and a sharp thrill of bravery sparks at the base of his spine as he looks at Buck. "What are we really arguing about?"

"I-I don't know." Buck frowns down at his socked feet

"Maybe you should go back to the loft and figure that out," Eddie says quietly, hating himself for the flicker of hurt on Buck's face.

"Just me?" Buck croaks. "So you know what we're arguing about?"

"Yeah," Eddie whispers. He'd been arguing with himself about the very same thing for years before he'd just let himself feel it. Its only fair that Buck does the same.

"And you aren't going to tell me?" Buck asks wetly.

"Its something you have to figure out yourself, Buck." Eddie bites his lip and shrugs. "You don't have to leave now. I don't want you to leave," Eddie clarifies, "but no more arguing. Not where Chris can hear." And then, Eddie thinks that maybe he should give Buck a place to start even if Eddie never got that luxury himself. "He's already been through this with me and Shannon, doesn't need to go through it again with us."

He leaves Buck in the kitchen with the first clue to this little riddle of theirs.

[lemotmo]

I'm nervous to send anything but certain topics aren't being posted or answered anymore so this feels safe! But feel free to tell me NO! ❤️

Q. Have you seen the Tik Tok Ryan watched about how if Eddie isn't gay then they've just made him the biggest jerk possible when it comes to dating? 😂 I mean she wasn't wrong. Having hope makes me nervous!

A. Haha, yes, I saw the Tik Tok and it does make him look particularly bad in the context of dating. But it just continues to prove what a very hard corner they've written themselves into where Eddie is concerned. He is not a bad guy. He's not. He's a good man with a very deep sense of duty, responsibility, obligation and expectation. And in that context the women he has chosen to date, post Shannon, make sense. His relationship with Anna was always the obvious head scratcher because on paper she was absolutely the perfect person for him, but the relationship always felt off. Once we got the spoiler from the insider saying she was supposed to be the relationship that led to Eddie's sexuality discovery it made the Anna relationship make much more sense. I know there are some who don't want to believe the insider information, but given Tim's history I think he would have repudiated the claim if it had been false. We have already seen Tim correct false information this off season, so I see no reason why he wouldn't have corrected that one as well if it were untrue. It was everywhere. He knows it was leaked information. Everything Eddie experienced in that relationship further seems to support the idea that the original plan was a sexuality awakening. The panic attacks he was having fit perfectly into this theory as well because Eddie is not a commitment phobe. They never felt like a couple. She felt like Christopher's babysitter. They even had Eddie flat out admit that Christopher loved her so he thought he could force himself to love her too. It's the classic sexuality arc relationship.

Marisol is another mess entirely. You could tell she wasn't meant to be back last season, and they didn't even bother trying to pretend otherwise. I think the Kim nonsense was Tim's way of maybe trying to demonstrate that Eddie just doesn't feel like he can find a connection with anyone else, romantically speaking, and he was reaching out so hard for doppelganger Shannon because he thought she could tell him why. There is absolutely no other plausible reason for that storyline. Eddie specifically told Buck that it wasn't about sex and he didn't want to sleep with her. He wanted to talk to her, and once he was able to, what he talked about was how broken he feels. That is where we are with Eddie. That very much feels like trying to recreate where he was mentally in season 4 without retelling the same storyline. So it feels very much like they're headed in the sexuality direction. I understand people are hesitant to allow themselves to be excited about the possibility. And they are correct when they say we have no proof that's where they're going. But what I will say is that it's okay to say that things feel genuinely different this time around. It feels very different than it ever has before. And we're allowed to acknowledge that. Oliver and Ryan are behaving in ways they never have before. And we're allowed to also acknowledge that. Ryan has very much followed Oliver's pattern from last off season. He has followed the same interview patterns, right down to switching to gender neutral pronouns. And he is following the same fandom behavior from Oliver last season. He is being very openly pro Buddie. Acknowledging the corner the show has written themselves into, and acknowledging the patterns that Oliver and Ryan are following and repeating is not giving false hope or unfairly raising expectations. It's acknowledging the clear change. That's all anyone is doing. If it makes certain people feel better to be adamant that it's not happening, fine. That's their fandom right. But it's other people's fandom right to be excited about and to acknowledge the possibility of the storyline. A storyline that feels very much within reach. Let people be excited.

Hey Nonny! I'm firmly saying YES to be honest. I know that Ali also isn't posting about certain subjects and topics anymore. So please, don't be afraid to drop something in my inbox. As long as it's not about fandom messes, it's fine. Thanks again for doing this. I do appreciate it.

If we all focus a bit more on fandom positivity, we can hopefully counter some of the negativity.

As for Ali's answer? Yes, yes and yes. The playing field has been set and all the pawns are exactly where they should be to get Eddie out of that closet and into Buck's arms (after some extra loopholes, no doubt).

I agree so hard on the fact that it's okay to be excited and hopeful. Let yourself hope. Why not? What have we got to lose at this stage? Besides our sanity that is. 😉

And yes, the people out there who are being cautious about Buddie? They have ever right to be. I mean, nothing is set in stone at this point. So, it's more than fine to want to hold back on the excitement for a while.

We can all coexist just fine, if we respect each others opinions and POVs, because after all:

We all have the same end-goal in mind. 😋

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[glorious-spoon]

When Eddie said it's not like he's having an affair and then Buck and him clarified that he meant he didn't have sex with Kim I was like - hey, maybe think about this more. How he thinks this is the only way a relationship gets defined or what an affair means? Because the one thing Shannon pointed out in S2 is that they don't talk and keep using sex as a way out. And we've seen this season that Eddie's one major problem in his relationship with Marisol was that he wasn't able to have sex with her because of her nunnery past. There's something here and something about him having an idea of what a relationship means. Interesting that he doesn't see everyone else's relationships this way but his own have this pattern.

YEAH, i've been thinking about this a lot! and it's not necessarily that he didn't like or want sex with shannon or with marisol, but that talking about their problems (in shannon's case) or actually getting to know each other and risking that they weren't compatible and the relationship was doomed (in marisol's case) were terrifying, and sex is like - it feels intimate! it feels like a genuine connection! you get to make each other feel good and you don't have to do the hard scary emotionally vulnerable part because you're all giggly and cuddly and full of endorphins, and that's good enough, right???

like, in the case of kim, i do think he's engaging in some deliberate self-deception about what he's actually doing. i think he knows that kim thinks they're dating, and that marisol would not be okay with what he's doing if she found out; there is, after all, a reason he's gone so out of his way to keep both relationships a secret from the respective other woman. but he's put a mental line in the sand where if he doesn't cross it, it doesn't actually count as cheating, even though i suspect he knows deep down that's what it is.