#and she didnt know about them messing with it
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couponers are the single most entitled fucking shoppers out there and i cannot fucking STAND them. not only will they completely discard entire baskets if one single coupon isnt accepted, leaving a huge mess for us to put back, but they have the gall to DIG THROUGH PACKED BOXES SITTING ON UBOATS, MOVING AROUND STACKS THAT WE MADE, and then taking ENTIRE STOCKS of special items
and dont come at me with 'oh its so they can share with their family' because thats bull, they are ACTIVELY reselling and have been CAUGHT reselling goods like laundry soap and make-up, and are leaving zero deal items for anyone else
#ditto rambles#literally#and even then sharing with their family does NOT make it okay to fucking buy up every stock and leave nothing for anyone else#some ladys came in while i was on break and fuckinh and went through my stacks#and took FOUR FUCKING BOXES of a stock#AKA EVERY LAST BIT OF THE STOCK#and they did not ask anyone bcuz its just me and one other person#and she didnt know about them messing with it#iHATE COUPONERS
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i am once again thinking about Percy and Annabeth and their respective relationships with their step-parents, particularly how the other views the other's dynamic with their step-parents.
Because there's a really interesting subtle thing that we see which is when Annabeth talks about her step-mom to Percy, Percy's assumption is that Annabeth's step-mom is like Gabe. He just presumes that because that's what's familiar with him and based on his own experiences he assumes their situations are similar.
But then when Percy actually meets Annabeth's step-mom (and her dad) he realizes their situations aren't at all the same. He was expecting another Gabe, but instead he just found a genuinely caring family that was just struggling to find their footing with one another.
The interesting thing is that this implies an inverse - especially with what we know about how Percy and Annabeth describe their experiences. Percy doesn't really talk about Gabe ever. To anyone. Grover knows the whole picture there but he's basically the only one of Percy's friends who does. As far as we know, unless Grover told her at some point, Annabeth doesn't know about Gabe. She knows he was a jerk, but Percy out loud doesn't ever really get into details about it. She knows they didn't get along and eventually Gabe disappeared and Percy basically never spoke of it again. Presumably, Annabeth thinks Percy's dynamic with Gabe was like her dynamic with her step-mom, like how Percy had thought their situations were the same. Especially given we know Percy assumed their situations were the same and likely spoke about it as such if it ever came up.
Like. That's such an interesting tiny aspect of their dynamic that never gets touched upon. Annabeth likely doesn't know about this very core traumatic experience Percy endured before they met because she's operating under the assumption that their family just was a little rocky like hers was.
#pjo#percy jackson#annabeth chase#percabeth#ETERNALLY mourning that this wasnt a character arc for the two of them in HoO cause that would have been SO fun#because Annabeth is a character who NEEDS to know EVERYTHING! and this is *Percy* we're talking about!#her boyfriend who she feels like she knows like the back of her hand! of course she knows *everything* about Percy!#except... she doesn't. and if she found out she didnt know about A MAJOR PART OF PERCY'S LIFE up until he was 12 that'd 100% mess her up!#because now she has *no idea* what else about Percy she doesn't know! because if Percy didnt mention this huge foundational thing about him#this core trauma he's been carrying all this time then *what else hasn't he told her?* thats the type of thing that will eat at her SO MUCH#because she is INTENSELY driven to know EVERYTHING. *Especially* about the things she cares about - Like Percy!#which would also be REALLY fun for their dynamic in Tartarus!!!! cause Annabeth has learned she doesnt know everything about Percy#like she had previously thought and now suddenly she's seeing this different side of him while they're in literal hell#so she'd have to completely re-evaluate her perception of Percy over the course of the series and how that affects their relationship
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coolest kid on the block
#i dont talk a lot (or at all lol) about my ocs but ive been drawing them all a lot more and im really proud of this piece :D#this is mia she uses she/they pronouns and this is her at 14!!!#her age during the main story is 8 so i like to play around with a post-story version of them where she is like. not a child lol#i love this kid so much theyre great. theyre awesome and they KNOW it#ive been doing a new style whgere i actually use lineart and cell shading instead oif being a sketchy mess lol#i kinda like it. wild. i used to HATE lineart i was so bad and then i got this to look good first try#the clothes i tried to draw like. was trying to emulate danas style bc im SO jealous of how she draws clothing and clothing folds AUGH#i didnt even use any crazy overlays this time!! (besides the highlights but whatever lol)#im just actually haopoy w/ this which is nice bc i havemnt drawn anything in 4ever#lilac art#art#my ocs#my oc art#i might oc post more simply bc toh hyperfixation has been dead 4 a while and im kinda tired of reviving it#I FORGOT THE IMAGE ID IM A FOOOOOLLLL AAUUGGHHH#image id included#image id in alt text
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck the goddamn music-
I don't know the name for the technique but there's this thing that was in there that's the string players, like, tapping the instrument with the bow to create a more percussive sound and normally I wouldn't think too much of it but I swear to god it sounded like creeping spider legs. During the case set at Hill Top Road. With the very obvious references to the Buried and the Stranger and all the rest. Which dropped about a hundred Achives references including Jon's fucking name???
I have always respected the soundscaping they do at Rusty Quill but they're really going above and beyond for this show.
#i dont know if ill have any more coherent thoughts for this episode thb#my mind is just circling on 'celia knows celia KNOW tapes and manila folders??? doing her own research??? anything SPECIAL about#the ones that get read aloud?????#celia tma didnt know that much how does celia tmagp know did she talk to georgie and melanie after it all does she have news about them-#jon jon jon jon jon#lena worked for starkwell didnt she#jon-#did colin just fucking punch sam?????#j-#oh gwen you are in way over your head#dark coat does this worlds gerry work for starkwell too#celia KNOWS#JON#i hope people dont get too annoying about 'its really him' yall know it could just be an ai#SAM TALK TO CELIA ABOUT THE EMAIL FROM JON#i can send email - no shit really??'#...yeah. my brain's a mess right now#this is what i get for listening at 1am#the magnus protocol#7 give and take#tmagp spoilers#tmagp audio#my magnus protocol stuff#original post#queue cause i'll be at work when the episode airs
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People joke about ADHD all the time, even swear up and down they totally think they also have it, but then if you ask for an accommodation, to please please please provide things in fucking writing, EXACTLY what they want and need, you will even work it out WITH them, like they promised they would do — repeatedly over and over, and then you don't get it people really will fucking be like:
I am using the incorrect bathroom (TM) to place my shelving and store my things. Homegirl literally removed various sundries and toiletries from a CLOSED CABINET and SHELF because she's interested in boundaries and accountability for my mess.
I said months ago I wanted to improve things for her comfort level and needed a written list of what precisely that fucking looked like in order to achieve it and not miss anything she deemed important. I explained how ADHD works, why I needed a written reference. Why I had to have it laid out, and if something needed changing we needed to write it all out. I would've made the list myself, but they said they would make it for the whole house to hold up their end of things. And, thinking this was a very reasonable adult solution to keeping the house in good shape, I said okay, come up with the list of expectations and what is needed and that way we can update how we handle chores. Awesome. I will do that to uphold my end.
No list ever gets made or drafted or anything despite my bringing it up, knowing we need to do it, but I DO get berated for failing to meet expectations and boundaries that were never fucking provided or delivered and include "don't store toiletries in this particular bathroom because I don't like it."
I can't believe I am a goddamn adult who gets treated like an idiot child for expecting adult communication instead of snide ass passive aggressive bullshit and basic respect for my things.
Because when I fucking get home, my shelving has been removed and a cabinet emptied of my things and placed in the "correct" bathroom.
🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
Oh shit she solved it, this doesn't look cluttered at all!
What a vast improvement to storing things in appropriate storage!
#my mortal sins include a laundry basket in the kitchen which is where the laundry room is#doing something INCOMPREHENSIBLE to work with my adhd like use the downstairs bathroom to get ready in the morning#instead of the upstairs one because that works best for me and keeps me moving in the morning#storing hobby supplies i was using in the living room in a milk crate basket to clear space at night easily#i left an oil painting to dry on a tabletop easel on MY coffee table and she tried to clean it up causing some of the paint to come off#i used to keep an empty up placed on the mat next to the cat water fountain to remind me to fill up often#not a mess of cups not half emptied cups. a dedicated refill cup tucked behind the fountain#when it kept getting removed i switched it up and placed the cup on top of the cat food bin to clearly indicate it was a cat item#no this is UNACCEPTABLE#also all my coats were removed from the coat rack i feel insane#coats GO ON THE COAT RACK#have you ever had someone actively sabotage your tools to manage your adhd bc its not fun lol#'i can understand why it feels shocking now' literally the most vile snide snake shit when you didnt communicate boundaries at all#its not communicating an expectation to gather up my personal belongings and dump them somewhere else and then text me about it during work#this is how you know shes only ever lived with blood relatives before this lol the entitlement#adhd blogging
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Need everyone to know that Gale and my tav Ashla (who I am also playing in a tomb of annihilation campaign) um, actually each other until they’ve out info dumped each other so much all that’s left is making out.
#i am so unwell about them#ashla and gale are mmmm#bg3 gale#gale dekarios#gale x tav#ashla is a professor who has definitely heard of gale#but was in the jungle when he done fucked up#so she has literally no idea mystras chosen was shamed#so he has to explain to this woman who is arguably a bigger nerd than he that he messed up#only for her to be like ‘i too would end the world in the pursuit of gaining knowledge’#gale: oh my god she would have done the same thing without even trying to impress someone. i think i love her#they both have the tism#also ashla def is like ‘didnt know mystra was the goddess of good decisions’ after gale is like ‘oh she decided to forgive me if i blow myse#shes a warlock#btw#who was tricked into her pact
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basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it
#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried#im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that#im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal#just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭#and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails#like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow#and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things#like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice#and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off#she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭#why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin#AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed#im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim#like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now#and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT#but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work#like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough#the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY#hella goes home
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#had a beautiful dream where i was a retainer for this beautiful xanxia styled empress. she was like an ice queen with very white makeup and#very heavy embroidered clothes that constricted her so much she barely moved. and it gave this uncanny valley feeling of controlled power#and icey distrust to her. and she ordered me to kill her rivals who looked just like her to the point i got them confused n i didnt know who#to trust anymore. but i loved her so much but when i killed her rivals it was like i was killing her. obviously (to me) a very beautiful#alienation dream. probably inspired partly by ms blue clad from homi.cipher. so anyway obviously when i was messing around in flstudio i#decided to make the song about my dream and i do like it a lot. wish my wife was here to hear it she would love it i think ^_^#lodia sayings
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Vent post. Because i feel like kicking a hornets' nest.
Honestly im just tired of how people will call someone ignorant/uneducated and will go for the throat for every little thing, while they themselves say shit like pierogis all the time. If you're going to point fingers at others, you yourself should be without fault.
The question is... can you?
#im just so tired of all the shit that i constantly see on the internet#ARTIST CANCELLED BECAUSE THEY DIDNT DRAW SOMETHING PERFECTLY#or ARTIST CANCELLED BECAUSE THEY USED A DIFFERENT COLOUR PALETTE#ARTIST CANCELLED BECAUSE THEIR IDEA OF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER ISN'T UP TO FANDOM'S STANDARDS#i bet other people also get shit like that all the time#for example my friend is a writer and he just happens to be a cisguy and whenever i mentioned it to people#they would instantly start saying that they are sure he writes shit like she breasted boobily down the stairs#or i remember how i got told off for making trahearne lives au because apparently#messing with canon is just as bad as falsifying information in history books#just stop for the love of whatever's devine#this has been boiling in me for so long i cant even express it#sorry for going off in the tags in case you decided to read them#peace out imma go and read a book and touch grass#finally its green and soft again after so many rains and storms so it will be a nice chilling time outside#oh btw proper plural is pierogi without the s. singular is pieróg. you want to add s - say pierógs#ngl that pierogi-pierogis is one of my biggest pet peeves#like i wont be stabbing you over it or throw a tantrum and i will just move on with my day i have better things to do in general than#than throwing fits and also im not omniscient myself#like i dont know all the words in english and my german knowledge is very scarce#so i in no way demand others know about pierogis#just give people some room to breathe for gods sake#ok ok ok i think im overwriting this and i cant edit tags on phone so now fr im gonna go and enjoy outside and watch the squirrels
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why doesn't chara & asriel live with toriel at all?
everyone's gone on without you
#ok now to actually explain it and not just post no context imgs#it was a while from the time monsterkind was freed to when asriel and chara came back/came to the surface#and in that time life had continued going on without them. as it had the same way when they died#im thinking it was anywhere around a year before frisk in their infrequent trips to the underground#was able to convince flowey to take a piece of their soul so he could hold his goat form together somewhat#and bring him back to the surface#but for chara it took longer. two years maybe? from monster independence day to come back#because frisk had to first find out where chara's real original soul was being kept and then find it and stuff#i can talk about this another time its such a huge can of worms my god#BUT BASICALLY it was a few years and by the time both kids were integrating back into society#the lives of those they loved had changed so drastically#chara didnt know their parents split up. they didnt know asgore killed human children or that their mother went into isolation#not until the game events anyways#and when they cam to the surface and saw all of that stuff -in person- as well as how well/poorly one parent was doing over another#theyyyy didnt take it well. like their mother had a new partner (doesnt matter who take your pick) and was raising frisk#and their dad was super mega turbo divorced and depressed and had nothing but his garden#in their mind toriel didnt need them anymore. she had a new partner and a new human kid and chara had served their purpose#so they elected to stay with asgore so he would have Someone anyone in his life and asriel followed#iiittts a huge mess basically. huge emotional landmine mess of insane proportions#undertale#my art#ask
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Having a Saturday like "most people I've dated have only really liked me for my body and/or a fake personality I've presented, so when they know the true me it's not enough to keep them around. Anyways let's have some ramen for my 2 pm breakfast."
#speculation nation#negative/#mayhaps. i am not feeling too great this morning.#this came from me thinkin about my recent ex again and how she said she never actually loved me#(im sick of thinking about it. but i think im gonna be thinking about that for a long long time.)#but i thought about how excited she'd get about my looks n body and i just thought to myself like#'maybe she didnt love me but at least That couldnt have been faked.'#n then i just paused like '...Geeze.' at how depressing a thought it was lmfao#like sorry my personality is ass and my hot bod's the only good thing about me (relationship-wise)#xoxoxo cant help bein a hot mess i guess !#... i dont know if she even realizes the blow she dealt to me by saying that.#i Told her i had trust issues and felt unlovable. i Told her this.#and yet she tells me that she never actually loved me and every time she said it was a 'mistake'. a MISTAKE.#she didnt need to say that. she literally didnt need to say that. even if it was true there are just some things that dont need said.#in the end. she's not the first person who's dealt this kind of blow to me. and she might not be the last.#i'll keep going. i'll keep trying. i know im not actually unlovable. there's gotta be Someone who likes me for more than just my body#who is also a good fit for me. they Gotta exist out there. somewhere.#and for now. i continue on with full confidence in my attractiveness but Zero confidence in my personality.#might try a nice n slow romance next. make them actually work for it b4 they get to sleep with me.#make it a reward or smth. or rather. make sure theyre not here for Just that lol.#sure would be nice if i had someone interested in me for more than just my body. we'll see if i can find that lol.
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throughout the series of drake and josh it pretty consistently implies that josh nichols is a christian (josh peck is jewish) and in the finale of the series helen (played by yvette nicole brown, not jewish[?]) is portrayed as a practicing jew
#i dont have a problem w either of those things necessarily i just find it interesting#if i had to guess. drake and josh was a mainstream that didnt wanna touch on religion generally#but josh was kind of a dork and usually when josh's religious beliefs are implied it is in dorkish ways#such as praying and thanking the lord after he has his first kiss.#but since dan schneider is jewish perhaps he wanted to make helen have a jewish wedding in the finale?#not that there needs to be a reason. but u do notice occasional jewish-related jokes in d&j but none of them are what you could call#offensive. in good faith that is. 'eric is a pacifist' 'i thought he was jewish?' like come on#text post#i have been rewatching drake and josh recently and i have had so many thoughts#im almost done. i just have left that stupid dance episode that they premiered last for the stupid reason#of a special dance-themed premiere night in fall 2007. they premiered the third episode of icarly and a new zoey 101 on the same night#which i think is so stupid. they should've aired really big shrimp last. it messed w my understanding of the series at the time lol#i remember not really knowing that the show was ENDING. like i knew icarly was starting & miranda was doing that#i thought really big shrimp was like just another special like go hollywood.#and then like two days later they premiered the helicopter episode for some reason#and i was like why is drake not famous in this. he just had a number 1 song in a superbowl commercial#and then a month later the dance one. which. if anything is satisfying about that as a final episode it's just that#that unnamed girl from the blues brothers episode who is obsessed w drake shows up again and congratulates them#and the very final line of the series is 'who is she?' because. because really who IS she?#that's a funny enough throwback to wrap things up with i suppose#drake and josh wasn't a highly serialized show so i can see how they could air those after the intended finale and act like it didn't matte#but i have to tell you it did fuck with my brain a bit at the time. lol. i still think of those episodes as having 'happened' after#and on paramount plus those episodes are still placed after really big shrimp. the injustice#but thats kinda messy. what a weird way to end such an influential and popular sitcom#season 4 had a few lowpoints while still also having some VERY solid episodes.#idk. ill have to continue my series review another time im getting way too longwinded here#helen dubois is jewish
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#just watched s 2 ep 7 of the vampire show#and these are just some ramblings that hopefully will not offend fans of the show im just trying to articulate my thoughts to myself#i think it was a cool idea to turn their trial into one of the theatrical performances onstage#however im still annoyed at how the domestic violence episode happened and was apparently a real thing#like idk it just ruins the whole vibe in the book of how these characters were living together doing awful things to humans yet#somehow mostly carrying on in civilized peace and not ever directing that violence toward each other for decades on end#this choice messes up the characterizations and relationship dynamics too much for me somehow#also messes up the aesthetics that are a delicate balance between the savage and grotesque and polite and refined#it was important to me that lestat wasnt the one to first cross that line in the books and that claudia was#i feel like kinda the one thing that lestat had going for him in the first book as a standalone story#was that he didnt ever cross certain lines with louis and claudia that the show made him cross there?#he seemed to have a different inner set of rules when it came to what violence he would do to humans and what he would do to them#it's hard to even articulate what kind of shittiness is a dealbreaker in a character or a ship to me#especially when theyre constantly doing stuff like feeding on people to stay alive#but for some reason lestat and louis beating the shit out of each other is just such a nonsense ooc thing to make them do in my opinion#also claudia in the book was valid for what she did to lestat already i thought. i dont see why they had to change or add to the motives#she was turned into a vampire at age 5 and therefore almost purely a vampire in nature and also totally valid in not being happy about it#and in the books lestat made her a vampire on his own after louis fed on her and they did not discuss it beforehand#and he never mentioned rules about a child vampire being forbidden and louis did not beg him to do it. in fact one of the biggest reasons#that louis and claudia decide to turn on lestat is because theyre convinced hes just pretending to know more than he does about vampirism#and either has nothing to teach them or wont ever let them go so they can find out anything for real about their own kind#these changes in the show bother me too but i think im not that good at articulating why#i also feel like as much as book louis's weakness and passiveness and guilt can get frustrating and isn't always interesting to follow#in a way that's kinda one of his more saving graces and most defining traits as a vampire as well - so i dont always know how to feel#about them making his character more powerful and aggressive and involved in things in the show at times?#on one hand i often get frustrated at his moping and indecisiveness and inactivity in the books#and yet on the other hand i find i miss his quieter softer excruciatingly polite book personality when i am watching the show at times too#p#vmpcs
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legitimately what the fuck was that
#ig im dissapointed lmao#sorry most of it i just kind of expected (bram regaining his body and stopping the vampires. fyodor dying bc there isnt really anything els#you can do with him. dazai and chuuya both alive)#mostly i wish aya awakened an ability give her oneee also i want to see how they manifest#idk we'll see soon where this goes ig but 1. i really wish fukuzawa had just died alongside fukuchi and 2. that there would be some calmer#chapters more focused on political repercussions rather than more fighting but the 2 hours later thing isnt really pointing to that huh#ill have to reread this arc at some point bc fukuchis and fyodors plan got so convoluted i was barely following it#and also 1. what abt sigma do they just. leave her there#i mean surely not bc she has info on fyodor but dazai really just did not care#and 2. yeah i wish fukuzawa died but now that he didnt. does he???? just keep the one order#and wheres that fucking page#and whats exactly on it#bc i dont think they can just rewrite anything 1. they dont know how much space is on it and theyll need a lot to fix this mess#2. god knows if they even can do anything or if theres some condition written in already thatd stop them#also asagiri for the love of god get into anticapitalism bc you cant just go into criticing states and military without talking about it#and i still need the hunting dogs dead even if i know its likely not going to happen#but how are you going to go all “absolute power corrupts” and “omg fukuci dont create a military state” and then just leave the super cops#running around and getting redeemed bc “they mean well” yeah they do but it doesnt matter#they are complicit in the state violence THEY ARE state violence#asagiri pls i can show you theory you havent even dreamed of#txt.
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But mainly, and really:
#red's week in music#STORYTIME WITH RED GATHER ROUND KIDDOS!#was at kids club tonight and went in knowing little 8 year olds mom had her baby this morning and lil girl was now big sis if two#and knew she hadnt come from home bc her hair was a mess of someone who didnt know curls trying to do it lol#shes generally emotional and dramatic but we can all see that shes a lil more so tonight. understandably. lotsa change#well she kinda hinges on this one thing of not getting the verses said to earn a jewel bc she wasnt able to say them-- totally fine! we'll#practice and get them later! but shes distraught bc she worked on them with mum and wont get jewel so i keep telling her when we'll work on#them together and when ill listen to her and we can get it done. cool. then lesson time shes up and down sniffly and the lesson says smth#about childbirth-- bursts into disarray. i ask her if she wants to step out and we blow her nose and she keeps talking about the verse so i#tell her solutions for that and then shes working herself up so i work thru calming down and she goes from#“i think im mad” to “mom would let me do what i want!” and i know the real issue isnt the verse but thats what shes telling me so...#adult shes staying with cautiously steps in and she calms down to tell me “its not the verse... i think i miss my mom”#oh my heart i know honey i give her a hug and we talk about the sleeover shes going to have and when shes going to see mom#and shes sleeping next to lil sis so shes going to give sis a big hug and tell her theyre going to see mom in the morning#and then i ask her if she wants to go back and she does and i just hold her and hug her the whole time#i give her another squeeze when she leaves and tell her to enjoy her sleepover#her friend shes staying with i should not did a very sweet of coming over and saying “hey lookit this new book i got do you wanna color it#with me maybe?“ which was such an emotionally mature thing for her and to see lil kiddo cheer up warmed me#teachers we debriefed and talked about kids going thru stuff at home and not being able to tell and process their emotions and stuff#and then i shared with mum on the ride back and she goes “yup. lil toddler will just miss mom-- its trauma at this age. this is why i#panicked and called my mother to come for your sis's birth bc dad said he could handle you but my heart couldnt for what you would go thru.“#i was six when my sister was born. my grandma being there before consistently made me giddly excited in that time waiting for dad to bring#us to the hospital.#anyway my heart was full and im praying extra hard for two lil girls in a sleepover missing their mom tonight.#red's personal sitcom#Spotify
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#the worst part about all this is that i Literally saw her 2 weeks ago. we didnt have time to talk we just said hi and went our separate ways#i never even got to say goodbye to her.#and i didnt even know i needed to because this was all so fucking sudden. she was my age. healthy. etc#life is really fucking fragile huh. like it can be gone just like that.#im sorry im just.#i was super close with her mom too and i want to idk. text her or something. but what the fuck can i even say??#and my other friends in that friend group are all unavailable rn for one reason or another#like. no contact in another country kind of unavailable#so im just. do they even know. has anyone told them. or will they find out when they come back.#i still cant even wrap my head around it tbh. its just. she was alive this morning. she was alive. this morning.#hh. anyway.#i called my sister and cried to her a little bit which was nice. but fuck i really really wish i could hug her right now#or cuddle my dog. literally anything.#im going to be such a fucking mess tomorrow oh my god#i dont even want to go to sleep tonight because if i see her in my dreams im going to fucking lose it#i dont know. i dont fucking know.#winter speaks#personal#tw death#grief tag#<- i fucking guess. i might be venting more in the next few weeks so ill at least make it easy to blacklist
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