#and sense8 is the show of all time i fear

[rooksandcrows]

There's a worm in me that needs to write a DAV Sense8 AU. This worm speaks loudly as free time comes closer.

This would be a modern AU. For the vibes.

It is inevitable that I shall write this and do it for my Rook. But one question remains, should it be a Modern Thedas or our own world?

[danburys]

wlwgif's pride month celebration: day 1, tv show ➻ sense8

I've been thinking about my life, and all of the mistakes that I've made. The ones that stay with me, the ones that I regret, are the ones that I made because of fear. For a long time, I was afraid to be who I am because I was taught by my parents that there's something wrong with someone like me. Something offensive, something you would avoid, maybe even pity. Something that you could never love. My mom, she's a fan of St. Thomas Aquinas. She calls pride a sin. And of all the venal and mortal sins, St. Thomas saw pride as the queen of the seven deadlies. He saw it as the ultimate gateway sin that would turn you quickly into a sinaholic. The greatest box man in the world! But hating isn't a sin on that list. Neither is shame. I was afraid of this parade because I wanted so badly to be a part of it. So today, I'm marching for that part of me that was once too afraid to march. And for all the people who can't march, the people living lives like I did. Today, I march to remember that I'm not just a me. I'm also a we. And we march with pride.

[misscammiedawn]

I Am Also A We - Integration and Functional Multiplicity in sense8

CW: sense8 depicts suicide, transphobia, medical trauma, deadnaming, chronic alcoholism, drug abuse, homophobia, homophobic slurs, intense sexual themes, plays sexual assault towards men for humor. Check DoesTheDogDie for more information.

If you watch the show be warned the first episodes involve a family forcefully trying to (allegorically) detransition a transgender woman and circumvent her agency in a medical setting. This may be more than most can handle.

"I've been thinking about my life, and all of the mistakes that I've made. The ones that stay with me, the ones that I regret, are the ones that I made because of fear. For a long time, I was afraid to be who I am because I was taught by my parents that there's something wrong with someone like me. Something offensive, something you would avoid, maybe even pity. Something that you could never love. My mom, she's a fan of St. Thomas Aquinas. She calls pride a sin. And of all the venal and mortal sins, St. Thomas saw pride as the queen of the seven deadlies. He saw it as the ultimate gateway sin that would turn you quickly into a sinaholic. But hating isn't a sin on that list. Neither is shame. I was afraid of this parade because I wanted it so badly to be a part of it. So today, I'm marching for that part of me that was once afraid to march and for all the people who can't march - the people who living lives like I did. Today, I march to remember that I'm not just a me but I'm also a we. And we march with pride." Nomi Marks (sense8 - Season 1, Episode 2)

Humans are fascinating and varied creatures.

Imagine for a moment, a transgender hactivist in San Francisco, a closeted homosexual movie star in Mexico City, a cop in Chicago, a Nordic expat DJ living in London, an orphaned gangster in Berlin, a bus driver in Nairobi who has never lived in a home with running water, a Hindu bio-chemist in Mumbai and a kickboxer in Seoul whose father owns a powerful investment firm.

Lives so disparate that it would be simple to create walls of division to keep them wholly separate and incapable of acting as a whole...

And yet the show is all about erasing the division between people and as the show goes on these 8 people with all their unique and individual perspectives and backgrounds, will become one and many. A collective as one.

That seems like something I may want to talk a little about.

sense8 is a Netflix drama that ran for 2 seasons (and had 2 specials) between 2015-2018. Created by the Wachowski Sisters of Matrix fame and J Michael Straczynski of Babylon 5 fame.

It is a show about radical empathy, the full spectrum of the human experience and the virtues of living openly and connected in the face of a world that pressures the marginalized to hide and remain divided.

Yet in listening to our contributors, especially those with Indigenous ties or who identify as people of color and/or not bound by the ties of Western medicine, dissociation as it’s been described so far [...] can mean many things that are not helpful. A general consensus from these contributors is that trauma survivors ought never be shamed for doing what they have to do in order to survive, especially because so many of the contexts into which people are born promote division, disconnection, and marginalization. Usually this context is shaped by a dominant culture that relies on separation in its most unhelpful and wounding sense to uphold the power that the dominant culture so readily craves. (Dissociation Made Simple - Jamie Marich)

To acknowledge the flaws in both shows and creators, The Wachowski's tend to have a lens of privilege and blind spots to their works that undermine their messages of radical empathy, most famously their fumble in the diversity of Cloud Atlas' cast and the use of white actors in Asian roles (Natalie Portman was originally offered the role that went to Bae Doona).

sense8 is not immune to this and does have issues with connecting the 8 main characters without consideration to certain biases. Some mild examples are that the Christmas special having all 8 unanimously celebrating the Christian holiday (including a Hindu and a character with religious trauma centered on Christianity specifically) to the unchecked Copaganda and the show completely erases asexuality as a valid lifestyle with dialogue even going as far to say that sex is why we exist and to deny it is to deny being human.

Also as someone with an extreme aversion to depictions of suicide... this show does like to offer suicide as The Only Way Out a lot. The show opens on a suicide and the final episode involves no fewer than 3 attempts by various characters when they are cornered. One even succeeds. Lana's experience with her suicide attempt was important to her coming out as a trans woman. A version of that moment is even depicted in the 4th Matrix movie with Neo (allegorically Lana herself) helping someone else wake to their own identity in a suicide attempt. I do not want to rob her of the transformative power of that event and memory. It's clearly important to her and her work, but it's troublesome that averted suicide attempts are always depicted virtuously in her work. Again... it's a matter of blind spots and biases.

I acknowledge the show is flawed in these and many more respects but it does speak to empathy and connection in a way that though not perfectly placed upon the screen, is a message worth internalizing. Though it's okay to be uncomfortable with how it is presented and opt out.

Regardless of imperfect execution and the early cancellation, it is still a miracle of a show. In many ways it is a show that shouldn't exist. It cost $9 million per episode and its filming schedule required flying between 11 cities for 3 weeks of shooting a piece. It features full nudity, multiple sex scenes involving huge swaths of the cast at once.

To put all of that in perspective, the entire experience is literally bookended by a rainbow strap-on glistening from use.

But... this is not a show about dissociative disorders. Mental illness is only represented in that characters briefly question their sanity. So why am I talking about it in my Media, Myself and I essay series on positive representation of dissociative disorders in fiction?

Well... it just so happens to also feature the best depiction of Functional Multiplicity in all of television.

Functional Multiplicity or "Integration" is a goal in treating complex dissociative disorders where the dissociative system are able to function as a single person with minimal division between parts.

It is important to note that intergration and fusion are two separate concepts and are both valid outcomes for treatment within CDD therapy. Where fusion is the concept of merging all dissociated personalities into a single unified personality, integration allows the system to communicate and cooperate with full access to memories and skills with no inner-conflict exacerbating symptoms.

The final approach in Fraser’s article addresses the issue of fusion or integration, a strong area of potential controversy for those diagnosed with or identifying as DID. Many individuals with DID strongly resist or oppose a psychiatrist or any other provider’s insistence that they integrate the various aspects of their personality into a cohesive whole. This process can feel disrespectful to the members of a system, and if you are reading this passage and have ever felt triggered at the suggestion that you need to integrate, you are not alone. (Dissociation Made Simple - Jamie Marich)

The terms “dissociation” and “integration” have long been synonymous with one another—meant to signify that the only reasonable goal in working with splitting and compartmentalization must be the fusing together of dissociated parts to create one single “homogenized” adult. Daniel Siegel, however, makes a strong case against defining integration as fusion. He asserts (2010a) a different view: “Integration requires differentiation and linkage.” Before we can integrate two phenomena, we have to differentiate them and “own” them as separate entities. We can’t simply “act as if” they are connected without noticing their separateness. But, having clearly differentiated them so they can be studied and befriended, we then have to link them together in a way that fosters a transformed sense of the client’s experience, facilitating healing and reconnection. - (Healing the Fragmented Selves - Janina Fischer)

Acknowledging the separateness and clearly differentiating people to befriend, link and foster a transformed sense of experience, facilitating healing and connection.

Now that sounds like sense8 to me.

As mentioned above the shows protagonists are from different walks of life. Nomi, Lito, Will, Riley, Wolfgang, Capheus, Kala and Sun are all "born" into a "cluster", a nest of 8 connected minds who share their every thought and experience with one another.

The core 8 are able to share control of one another's bodies as well as speak telepathically in one another's heads. "Sharing" and "Visiting" respectively, if we are to play the YA Novel game of naming every single concept in a fictional world.

Each character has their strengths and weaknesses and connections that make up for their weaknesses.

To give an example Lito is an actor who has a little bit of a diva streak. He's good at lying under pressure, he can flirt with women effortlessly, he is deeply in touch with his emotions and he lives in absolute terror of his homosexual lifestyle being discovered for fear it will ruin his career and the comfort he has earned in life.

Wolfgang is ruthless and blunt and so leans on Lito's ability to lie under pressure, something that he is typically incapable of doing because he does not value roundabout methods of deception when he can just brute force his way to solutions. Lito helps him lie when the situation calls for it.

Sun is emotionally repressed, choosing to work her emotions through her fists, though she is one of the most privileged members of the cluster she has more than enough reason to be sad with a father who refused to show her love, the worst brother on the planet, a dead mother and a plot that involves her being wrongfully imprisoned and subject to multiple assassination attempts. She can offer the rest of the cluster her fighting skills but it is Lito who helps her to be able to cry when she needs it. In a beautiful scene late in season 2 a depressed Lito is crying in Sun's hotel room and Sun admonishes him saying that she is the one with reason to cry and Lito responds plainly "But you never would. Maybe that is why I am here."

On the flipside whenever Lito is in conflict about his life in the closet he pulls up Nomi, a transgender woman who has been through the entire coming out process, and leans heavily on her.

Though it takes much of the first season for the characters to understand what is happening to them we eventually get to see all 8 of them completely at home with one another's thoughts and perspectives.

They are separate, yes. But they are of one mind.

This is akin to the end result of trauma focused parts work in therapy. When a person is not yet treated for trauma based dissociation their inability to integrate their experiences creates a fracture and a disharmony that breeds emotional volatility and a breakdown in inner experience.

Disowning requires selective attention, a focusing away from whatever is “not me.” The senses fail to register what is taking place around us; we don’t feel our emotional responses, good or bad; we are in a zone. We can’t “own” our anger or dependence or fear when we don’t feel them. We can’t “own” traumatic events that we haven’t witnessed. We can’t know ourselves as whole human beings because only those qualities valued in a traumatic environment are accessible to consciousness. Segregating intense feelings, though, results in affect intolerance: if we can escape our emotions by automatically and involuntarily shifting into a different part of the self or different feeling state, we never get the opportunity to exercise our “emotional muscles,” and all feelings gradually become more and more intolerable. Inner conflicts are never resolved, just distanced. When that happens, acting out (self-destructively or addictively) and “acting in” (through self-hatred, self-judgment, punitive introspection) become the only avenues for regulating emotions and autonomic arousal. Splitting or fragmentation must become more complex and creative. - (Healing the Fragmented Selves - Janina Fischer)

As the main cluster of the show are able to expand their horizons via empathy and connection to one another they are able to challenge their blind spots and achieve a level of comfort in their world that was not accessible before. From our above example Sun can process her emotions thanks to Lito.

In a similar fashion, in Season 2 Kala becomes guilty about her lifestyle because she discovers that the company she works for is sending inferior medication to Capheus' region of the world and through experiencing life through Capheus' eyes she is aware of her position of privilege and uses her power to make positive change.

Had the show have been able to continue on this empathy would have been the center of the show with Capheus running for political office, Lito embracing his role as a queer icon who can inspire others and Riley risking exposure by touring her music and making contact with other sensates.

Alas. We'll never get the promised potential of the show's premise.

Another factor that was promised but was not fully paid off on was the concept of blockers.

In the show other sensates could visit (but not share) with a single member of a cluster if they make eye contact (Cloud Atlas which shared 3 directors and 3 writers with this show also included this concept of eye contact creating a human connection) and the only way to prevent their intrusion was to take blockers. A medication that cut off their empathetic connections and turned off their psychic ability.

The blocker allegory was about masking and hiding and working to blend in with the dominant culture without standing out. Part of the show's humanity was the characters wishing to go against the narrative that they needed to hide and to live loud and proud and inspire others to do the same.

It would have been interesting to see each of the sensates on blockers learning to act in ways their cluster would without being able to let them take control of their body. Show that the integration of the system is not a matter of separate parts in their own boxes but a cluster that is fully connected and capable of sharing their sole life.

To go back to my discussion on functional multiplicity, the concept of being able to share memories and skills is emphasized as a part of both integration and fusion models.

Sharing roles, responsibilities or tasks also enables other parts to help the System’s successful functioning in the outside world. Then, these parts can grow and mature individually. It also gives the System the opportunity to feel first-hand appreciation for what parts have done and contributed to the System’s survival and success, as well as better understanding of what it takes to keep the System functioning well today. (Got Parts? - ATW)

We are all in this together.

A beautiful thing that the show displays outside of the core cluster is the radical empathy and acceptance that exist within the side characters.

In the final episode of the show Wolfgang's surrogate brother and only true family Felix arrives to the help the cluster Capheus rushes over to him and embraces him exclaiming "MY BROTHER, FELIX!" and laughing with joy. This was Capheus' first time meeting Felix but the empathetic connection travels between them.

The same connection causes Kala's love for her husband to be felt by Wolfgang and allow the three of them to engage in a polyamorous relationship. The final orgy scene of the show literally climaxes with Kala's non-psychic husband exclaiming "My god, I didn't think such things were possible" after a threesome with his wife and Wolfgang who share the same love for him. This is the very last line of the show.

In a dissociative system conflict can breed between parts that are not integrated when their needs, desires and drives are not in alignment.

To give an example from our own life, Wynn is a part that is capable of turning off our empathy. When she perceives a threat to us from the idea of someone emotionally manipulating us (a parent trying to shame/guilt us into ceding to their demands or a partner threatening suicide) she will lock out the rest of the system who may be swayed and force us to act with hostility and coldness. More than once this has ended with us in further danger or emotional turmoil and it leads other parts to over compensate to try and "fix" the damage done when we were "emotionally compromised" by the part acting in our interests of survival over the harmony of the system and our relationships. Especially because the dangerous situations that necessitated her existence are not part of our present and her reactions may no longer be appropriate.

This kind of divide is natural in a dissociative system early in their healing journey.

The range of emotional experience, including both positive (e.g., joy, love) and negative (e.g., anger, fear, grief) affects, plays a vital role in human adaptation by promoting closeness in relationships. Relational distortions result when emotions repeatedly fail to achieve their purpose, when they are persistently activated, or when their expression is blocked or punished. Distortions in emotional regulation (and associated defensive distortions of behavior) refl ect distortions in care (Bowlby, 1969/1982) that manifest as dysynchronies between caregiving behavior and child emotional experience and needs (Sameroff & Emde, 1989) [...] A lasting split between self-preservation and integrative self-regulation leads to a vicious cycle. Extreme affective states become infused into the person’s selfand other-representations (“bad objects,” Benatar, 2003), producing disorganized and unstable mental representations, which further destabilize and fragment affect, perception, and behavior. Thus, dissociation results when extreme stressors necessitate a lasting split of the integrated relationship between self-preservation and selfregulation. (Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders, DSM-V and Beyond - Paul F Dell)

But towards the end of therapy parts, even when activated, are able to act in a way that benefits the stability of the shared life, preventing further dissociation and division between parts.

It is when one part, who wants to deny our condition to prevent thinking about our trauma, accepts that our multiple nature is integral to who we are and how one of our closest relationships function and in accepting this allows for us to carve spaces in our life to exist as a system. To take off the mask. To stop hiding.

To march and state boldly I Am Also A We.

There are times where we worry about using the term "Plural". We view our condition through a lens of psychopathology and constantly try to justify our existence through reading psychology textbooks and working with our therapist and constantly justifying.

We play by the rule books written for us and about us but not by us. Not by others like us. Well... mostly.

One of the quoted books in this essay is from Jamie Marich who is openly a diagnosed dissociative system. Her book is written from an insiders perspective there to promote love and acceptance. I selected her quote at the top of this post with care. She does get it. Got Parts? Is also written by collaborators with DID sharing lived experience.

There are so many things which divide us as people who experience plurality. There is syscourse raging in Tumblr inboxes Just Asking Questions about whether a person should be diagnosed to openly present as a system, there is fakeclaiming trying to witch hunt those who really have a CDD and those who are "roleplaying", the tone policing in support communities that admonish anyone who glorifies or fetishizes that which is a hard to live with disorder...

Over the years we internalized many of these narratives ourselves. We lived in fear of scrutiny, worried for the day we were exposed as Not Traumatized Enough, Not Performing Our Disability Correctly, Not Divided Enough or a number of other accusations.

We still are. It's terrifying to think that at any point someone could just deny all of our truth and no amount of paperwork, testimony or evidence would be able to make us any more legitimate than we already are.

In some regards we shouldn't be proud of being who and what we are. The fact that there is always going to be a part of us stuck in London reliving the worst experiences of our life is not a source of pride.

But we survived.

We survived. We kept one another alive. The part that needed to be an adult when we were a child kept us safe. The part that needed to seal off our heart kept us safe. The part that kept our emotions alive kept us safe. The part that pretended to be what our abuser wanted us to be kept us safe... and yes. The part that handled erotic concepts kept us safe.

We survived and we protected one another and we are the only Family who have been here the whole time. Experienced everything. Shared in all the pleasures and all the joys. We survived. And we will continue to... but not we're not surviving anymore. We're living. And we choose to live together. We choose to be 5 and 1. We are an I.

I am proud of that and this show helped us feel just a little bit more confident in saying that outloud. We are plural... and there is no shame in that. None at all.

-

Forgive me for the less than stellar work on this one. This essay was more a vehicle to talk about positive integration and use the show as a framing device for the topic. Plus I just wanted to be a bit Plural Pride because the show made a compelling argument as to why I should be.

The promised Act 6 of In Stars and Time essay and the Umineko follow-up essay are both in the research phase. Act 6 of ISaT is looking at characters who share a common history and I want to make sure I have some good examples without treading on other creators I respect's toes and the Umineko follow-up requires replaying all of Chapter 7 of that game and it's a long one.

Media, Myself and I is a series of Tumblr Essays for positive depictions of dissociative disorders.

Other essays include:

Time Loops and Dissociation (In Stars and Time) A History of Murder Alters Discworld and Plurality Incidental, intentional and accidental representation Gender, Dissociation and Clinical Stigma in The Third Person Recontextualized Memories in Umineko Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal Gear Solid The Dangers of Hypnotic Personality Play in Penlight System Origins in The Incredible Hulk Relationships with Systems in The Incredible Hulk The Healing Journey in Mr. Robot

[nanalikessurveys]

Is there a gang problem in your area? Not that I know of. I don't think so.

Do you make your Starbucks order more complicated if it isn’t busy? We don't have Starbucks where I live but generally I'm kind of ashamed of making my drink/food orders too complicated because I don't want to come across too demanding lmao, so I just order what's on the menu.

Do you consider airports to be emotional places? No I don't associate airports with the word "emotional", but I think airports are so stressful. Like in some places the security check is way too fast-paced and the officers/guards/etc. seem so grumpy, like they start yelling at you if you move too slowly for their liking and I don't like the overall vibe of that.

Where do you need to be? Nowhere but here.

Would you date an already attached person? Does this mean a person who already has a partner? Like a polyamorous relationship? No, I wouldn't want that.

When you marry, will you wear white? I haven't thought about my future wedding at all. I don't know if I'll ever get married.

What vaccine that you’ve received hurt the most? None of them have hurt me.

Do you ever feel like you’re being watched? Yes.

What will it take to make or break this day for you? I don't know what that means :(

Would you give up a dream for someone you loved? It's hard to say when I'm not in a situation like that. Right now I wouldn't want to give up a dream for anyone but you never know what choices you'll make when you're actually in that situation.

Could you date someone who’s only been your friend for a long time? Yes. I guess there would be that fear of losing the friendship if your relationship doesn't workout in the end, though.

Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? Monogamous relationship.

Are you afraid to ask people out on dates? Yess lol.

Do you think it’s better to look for love or let it find you? I think it's better to let it find you.

Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment? Yes.

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? I'd rather have a relationship with someone who doesn't have kids. I'm not ready to become a stepmom just now lol.

Have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up? Yep.

Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than three months of no communication? Nope.

Do you or would you ever wear fake eyelashes? I used to wear them pretty often when I was a bit younger and was more into makeup. I like to keep my makeup more natural these days.

Do you think that smaller breeds of dogs are cuter than big ones? I think all dogs are cute but yeah, I think smaller breeds are a bit more cuter. (almost) everything small is cuter.

When was the last time you slept in a tent? I've never done that.

What brand of make-up do you prefer to use? I don't have any favorite brands but most of the makeup I have and use now are by Mac or Clinique.

Do you have any siblings and if so, what’re they like? I have an older sister. She's very artistic (she works as an artist), funny, smart and very kind. We are similar in a lot of things but we also have a lot of differences. We've always been very close.

What was the last television show that you sat and watched multiple episodes of? Sense8 from Netflix.

Is there anything significant happening this month? I'll start school this week again.

When was the last time you plucked your eyebrows? It's been months now. My eyebrows are very blonde and light so you can't really see any stray hairs unless you stand very close to me lol.

Do you have any chronic pain? I don't.

When was the last time you had a Poptart? I had one I think last year. They're not really a thing here and they are only sold in those American food sections in some bigger supermarkets.

Do you like hot chocolate? Yes and I used to be obsessed with drinking it.

Who is your best guy friend? I only have one friend and she is a woman.

What’s your favorite Michael Jackson song? We Are The World which he sung with bunch of other artists.

Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans from? I only have one pair of jeans and they are black skinny jeans from a local department store.

When was the last time you got your hair done professionally? Last year. I had some highlights done.

Do you like TGI Fridays? I don't know what that is.

Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? I waxed them myself.

Have you ever read anything by Edgar Allen Poe? I haven't.

When was the last time it rained where you live? Yesterday it was raining the whole day,

Do you like horses? I do'nt have anything agaisnt them.

What is your opinion on air pollution? That it's a bad thing?

What are your grandfathers’ names? Not telling youuu.

Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Nope.

Do you know anyone that has been held hostage before? Noo not that I know of :(

[sniffanimal]

In a very pregnancy-heavy plot arc on LOST and like. Really has me wondering if I should have ever gone to therapy for my tokophobia because i just sorta ignored it forever and the only reason it's any better than it was when I was younger is I'm on meds. But that never addressed the fact that I have the fear in the first place. The entire idea of someone seeking a fertility doctor because they want to be pregnant is insane to me. I would sooner [I redacted the rest of this sentence bc it was needlessly violent and graphic so uhhh yeah]. Like I physically cannot understand how there's people out there who are SAD they can't conceive. And yanno maybe one of you who is reading this is sad about that for themselves and I'm empathetic to the idea of being frustrated your body doesn't do what you want it to do but I just cannot put myself remotely near the mindset of someone who wants biological children and wants to be the one to carry them. The movie Baby Mama (2008) is a horror movie to me.

And I've done the soul searching and this isn't wholly about dysphoria, or even myself. I used to be dragged to baby showers and I would hide in the bathroom as much as I physically could because the setting was revolting and anxiety inducing. I was in an elevator with a pregnant woman one time and I was so terrified the elevator would stall and I'd have to be in there any longer with her that I almost passed out. This is like a real and extreme phobia that I never tell anyone about and have never addressed in therapy bc it wasn't like, hindering my daily life that much. But watching TV with a lot of pregnancies getting screen time is making me consider therapy again.

I almost thought about rewatching sense8 a few months ago but the idea of seeing a split screen shot of 8 crowning childbirths genuinely spoils the whole show for me because it's all I'm thinking about and I can't enjoy anything else. Not even the lesbian sex

[darcyofmine]

I know I’m very late but I was really flattered by your tagging @devisrina . I haven’t been active on here in a while but here it is :

Star Sign: Cancer apparently. Don’t really believe in astrology though.

Favorite Holidays : Ramadan. Very very spiritual time + if spent with family it’s really just on another level. It’s coming back very soon too 🥺

Last meal : Pastry with coffee. It’s finals season I need my caffeine and only that to survive 😂

Current musician : Taylor always kinda at the top but I listen to all sorts of genres lately. Rumors by Fleetwood Mac on repeat lately though.

Last movie I’ve watched: a rom-com. Like I said : finals season. I need the serotonin.

Last book I finished : Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman. It’s really good and very easy to digest which really isn’t easy for me to do lately with books unfortunately.

Last book I abandoned: unfortunately Daisy Jones after trying to read it before the series dropped. I watched the series though and liked it. But tbh I heard the author is a zionist so. Good riddance.

Currently reading : my notes for Legal Medicine exam 😂

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: my hyperfixation lately is The Bear so anything to do with the cast I guess ? But otherwise I had to do a quick research on a certain genre of painting that was born closely after the Renaissance. It was related to depicting anything related to death (mostly skulls) and stuff.

Favorite online fandom memory : Oh God. I’ve been part of many fandoms tbh (don’t interact a lot though lately bc of time constraint and well. World stuff happening.) BUT! I would say the recent GGs and the Ayo/Jeremy wins and their chemistry overall was truly mesmerizing to watch and see how well appreciated they are outside of the fandom. We have come so far guys 😂😂😂

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: Sense8…. I loved Kala and Wolfgang so much :’) they deserved a better ending….

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: Beth and Rio from Good Girls deserved to be mega famous. Their chemistry is simply too good and is worth the hype. Not to say the fandom was small but it deserved bigger hype imo.

Tempting Project You're Trying to Reign In/Don't Have Time For: No actual project but I want to rewatch old tv shows bc I’m feeling very nostalgic. I managed to binge Scandal over the break but I seem to always find myself struggling to end any series and then I’m left with like so many tv series’ finales or last seasons I still haven’t watched….. idk what this condition is called but I really struggle finishing series and I want to fix that.

Like I said I haven’t been active in a while so I fear Idk who to tag but whoever sees this feel free to do it (if you haven’t done it already!) 🫶🏼

[livseses]

(Catching up on these)

1. What are some non-narrative or only-mildly-narrative pieces of artwork* that you relate to in a "system stuff" way?

Phoenix Hyperspace, or at least, the way Cathode Ray Dude describes it. This is a long piece, and I fear spoiling anything, because the reveal is just so great. But the way that this computer system works feels very resonant to us. Like, we use computers running virtual machines as an analogy for our plurality, so the way that this computer loads different OSes just lights up our brain in all of the right ways. We'll put a summary below a cut for spoiler reasons.

2. Same question, but for narrative works! Note that it absolutely does not have to be an example of 'objectively plausible system rep', and can be just be something that resonates with you.

Moon Knight and Sens8. Both have hit us with a moment of "Oh, that's me."

Spoilers for both below:

So to spoil the CRD video, the thing that Phoenix Systems did to their computer was alter the way that the BIOS handles sleep. When you tell Windows to launch Hyperspace, Windows thinks that it is going to sleep, but the motherboard instead switches to loading Hyperspace from sleep. And the same thing happens the other way around. CRD describes this like the computer is sleep walking, but to us this feels far closer to switching. The fucky nature of it, as well as the fact that the computer doesn't fully shutdown, feels very relatable to us as a system, moreso than simply dual booting does.

Moon Knight: Towards the end of the first season, when Marc and Steven are in the hospital headspace, there's a point where Marc is pleading with Steven not to go looking for a specific memory. And looking at this as a kind of metaphor/visualization of what's going on, it struck us. Going into the rooms and seeing the memories is the recalling of an episodic memory, so when Marc knows what he's trying to keep Steven from, Marc isn't recalling the memory directly, instead knows what's there, or at least how bad it is. And it resonated heavily for us when we realized we've done the exact same thing before. We've had members that start to wander up the stairs and other members who say "no, stay out of there." Idk, it just hit pretty heavily for us being able to contextualize our own experience with something that usually is overshadowed by the medium (i.e. we usually have a hard time relating to plurality in tv/movies because of the explicit nature of showing things visually).

Sense8 has a scene where Sun is in jail, and she visits Riley while Riley is smoking. I think Riley offers Sun a hit, and Sun describes it like a memory. When we watched the show again after our syscovery we about flipped a table screaming "YES". Like, that's exactly how it feels to do something from outside of front to us!

System Stuff Weekly #3

Oh hey wait it's Thursday! Hello everyone! 1. What are some non-narrative or only-mildly-narrative pieces of artwork* that you relate to in a "system stuff" way? * (e.g., music, poem, paintings, sculptures, abstract performance art, epic prank, craft, video game without much plot, etc., but not books/movies/graphic novels/epic poetry/plot-heavy video game) 2. Same question, but for narrative works! Note that it absolutely does not have to be an example of 'objectively plausible system rep', and can be just be something that resonates with you.

This isn't technically one single piece of artwork (though we have a few specific examples in mind), but you know those covers of songs where a solo vocal line gets turned into a duet? And suddenly there's a a whole new layer of depth and meaning because the lyrics are now a conversation, even though it still "looks the same from the outside"? Yeah. That. 2. There are so many answers we could give for this (Pacific Rim, also basically anything with telepathically bonded companions who have to figure out how to work together and trust each other, for one--a theme which I was Weirdly Extremely Drawn To as a kid...), but I'll go with a novel we read relatively recently (I think it was one of the first novels that the two of us kind of read together, actually?), Vespertine by Margaret Rodgerson, which is about a lot of things but definitely about a girl and a demon trying to heal from trauma together while living in the same head.

[horizon-verizon]

How/Why were Alicent and Rhaenyra ever even long-lasting friends to begin with?

How did these girls get together and become close with their personalities actually opposing the other so hard?

At that age, people are less tolerant or willing to hang out with each other without some sort of common habits, interests, or ideas and attitudes or some sort of knowledge of a shared trouble. And for the last, this has to be supported again and again by both individuals's burgeoning understanding of how deep this burden(s) goes for them both and how they come up with countermeasures or solutions together.

For Rhaenyra and Alicent, there needed to be some sort of outside force forcing them together for them to tolerate or just be convinced to share time together. (Writing about Viserys and Otto way below)

Alicent was what more impatient observers would call a "goody-two shoes" whose hobbies were mainly reading and praying, while Rhaenyra was definitely the more adventurous of them (who didn't seem to mind reading but just disliked that the same material was repeated and used to teach girls specific repressive conduct. Yes, even at the young ages below 10, people sense and know repressiveness.)

A) The Opposites Attract Trope

Usually, in the "opposites attract" pattern, a relationship tends to have the persons contrast each other so that:

through each other, they find out things about themselves that they didn't think was there or possible to develop

we/they focus on how the differences make them see each other and the world, through new perspectives

each person compensates for the other's fears and/or weaknesses with their own strengths

they want the same thing (have similar goal(s)) but approach completing or obtaining their shared goal(s) differently with different--maybe with opposing methods because they sincerely believe theirs is the best way to do make any headway and they bicker because of it, often creating friction but still manage to work together or find some common ground to stay together at some point and often several times without negatively compromising themselves

Let us think of Coraline and Why-Be against the the Beldam, all the Teen Titans crew member against Starfire’s family in her own arranged marriage, the two male protagonists of the Indian film RRR that I forget the names of against the British military encampment in India/British imperialism, the Lenore and Annabel Lee (who actually develop a romance from the goal of understanding what’s happening to them) of the webtoon Nevermore. Lito and Hernando of Sense8.

All of these people are very different from each other, sometimes even having traits, experiences, or beliefs that at first glance seem to be reasons why they actually would dislike each other or try to stay apart. But the respective writers all managed to show us why they even care about each other through how they all contribute to the others’ self confidence or act in different scenarios that threaten to overwhelm one/some. In specific events where they are forced to see what troubles they both face or how they are alike or what they share in one or a few aspects.

Examples:

escape or resist mistreatment/abuse/oppression/neglect of any and all forms

trying to get the respect or acknowledgement of their peers

understand how difficult it can be to try to protect others while protecting themselves (older siblings in abusive households)

live up to their parents'/authority figures' expectations

to prove that they can do exceptional, culture-moving things on their own

trying to understand their own identity under the pressure of poverty, oppression, abuse, etc.

The very differences in methods or responsibilities often threaten to separate the group/pair in an opposites attract situation and thus there is the risk of the individual/persons doing something unforgiveable or developing too far away from the other(s), never again being able to be in real harmony or stay friends again. 

B) Rhaenyra and Alicent--Opposites Attract

What is attractive to Rhaenyra (even platonically) about Alicent? Isn't Rhaenyra too unruly and troublemaking for Alicent? Where did Alicent look at Rhaenyra and feel that she wanted to be like her and resist the pressures of her dad and society? What does Rhaenyra see in Alicent that makes her feel stronger and adds to her belief that she can and should resist against societal pressures?

If we argued that it's because they felt an attraction that would later blossom into romance....even then there has to be some sort of reason why they would be attracted to each other. And the show doesn't give anything substantial to prove this. No scene of them together as small children.

Alicent is unwilling to ride with Rhaenyra on Syrax at any moment. Okay, how do the writers make up for this? Rhaenyra doesn’t want to sit around just reading about things they went over hundreds of times and stay at one place when feeling contained. How do the writers make up for this? 

Where do these girls meet? When and where do we see Alicent and Rhaenyra realize something they want to accomplish together? Or at the very least endure societal pressures and specific agents of societal pressure (septas and the errant courtier or other noble girls snarking at them) together and with each other?  The first and obvious big bad for these young, unmarried friends was society and patriarchy and the figures like the septa who demand conformity and obedience.

How does Rhaenyra protect Alicent from Otto? What does Alicent think about Daemon? (All in their unmarried youth because after what happens in episodes 2 onwards, it’s way too late and impossible to truly be friends again.) Where are their many shown inner struggles way before Rhaenyra gets named heir and Alicent is pushed to marry Viserys?

(Why do I need to be the one making up whole-ass scenarios not suggested or present in the show to justify their relationship? That's the writers’ job.)

Why should I care about Rhaenyra and Alicent or believe in their friendship? What about their relationship or the prospect of it is convincing me that it could ever survive what Alicent believes Rhaenyra did to her and what Alicent did to Rhaenyra? 

C) Rhaenyra and Alicent--After They Marry

But please explain to me how any real mother or father or parent would forgive and want to be close to Alicent after years of trying to get your kids killed by revealing their illegitimacy? Whether or not they are not legitimate, they are your kids and if you are a caring parent, I imagine that this would destroy any good feeling left for your “friend”.

Rhaenyra has also endured Alicent trying to end her for years, trying to get Viserys to condemn Rhaenyra and remove her from the heir position/prevent her from becoming the ruler after (assumedly) years of Rhaenyra telling Alicent how she wants to be in Viserys’ trust. Alicent tried to depose Rhaenyra, whether or not she was doing the right thing in her own eyes or not. If someone tried to prevent you from getting a promotion because they think you would hurt them somehow.....are they your friend and would you want to be? Would you not doubt how they ever could have been your friend?

And what about Alicent? She thinks that Rhaenyra would definitely kill her kids when she ascends, that Rhaenyra would bow under the pressures from the other lords and kill them. She believes that Rhaenyra having illegitimate kids is amoral in of itself, that her going out and purposely “ruining“ herself is amoral and has grown a strong resentment against her for trying to have sex outside of the feudal restrictions on her body that Alicent has chosen to follow. She puts enough credit to the idea that Rhaenyra could be willing to let others make huge decisions for her for someone that Rhaenyra -- that point when Otto is criticizing Alicent -- had even begin to reconcile and who Alicent thought was victimized by Daemon (episodes 4 & 5). That Alicent actually believes any of this of Rhaenyra goes to show that she doesn't really feel like she knows her nor has ever really known her. 

Yet I am supposed to believe that they were ever close?! That Alicent is a force of good or emotional clarity and comeptence?!

Or that Alicent is a benevolent figure only looking out for Rhaenyra as some people will claim?

These are things that Alicent forces herself to really believe in so she can conform and be obedient. The woman has proven to believe that obedience matters more than friendship. Yet she’s all of a sudden willing to take Rhaenyra as her friend in episode 8, only after an apology from her for not recognizing how hard Alicent worked to keep Viserys comfortable and be a “good wife”? That was itself after Viserys demanded they make up? 

That this beginning to a reconciliation was only possible since it is about Viserys?

That apology could have been seen as Rhaenyra trying to keep in good graces with Viserys and evade any more shit from Alicent from the POV of this Alicent. Why wouldn't Alicent see it that way, after seeing Rhaenyra as just trying to stave her off with Jaecaerys and Helaena's marriage? Because Rhaenyra apologized to her? 

Isn't this narcissistic of her: nevermind that she may try to kill or marry my kids to bastards (she believes in the reality of dirty blood, not me), she apologized to me!!! Why doesn';t the show play it that way, to make it clear that alicent's way of thinking is incorrect and flawed? Instead choosing to write as if Alicent had much to justifiably be affronted by later after only knowing that Rhaenyra slept with Cole.

At the very least it is inconsistent.

As for Rhaenyra, Viserys’ condition is not (or should not be) the only thing that she -- as an individual and a mother -- cares about. She can have sympathy for her father and want to see him safe and happy while still keeping in mind what she needs to do for herself and her kids against a threat. Not compromising her children. Alicent, as well.

And I have to point out that Rhaenyra was willing to be friendlier (or at least clamer and communicative) in episode 4 when they talked in the garden after Alicent was the one to approach her to talk. Yet afterwards, Alicent approaches Rhaenyra in an accusatory manner -- set against her due to her belief in feudal female chastity and her own envy at Rhaenyra being able to find some way to find what little agency she can have. No thanks to society and Viserys, her own father.

Ryan Condal has gone on to say that their kids are messing up the “peace” that “everyone” was working towards for a long time. Who is “everyone”? If Viserys, he and Viserys both underestimate how unforgiveable the attacks (perceived and believed) are. And Rhaenyra has been trying to get Alicent off her back not for any mere feeling to reconcile or a wish to be close again, but for survival. Alicent has been the living embodiment of "I don't want peace. I want problems, always! “ for 10 years.

The kids, realistically and going by the timeline, don’t have to do anything for their parents to hate each other and fight.

The stakes are lives and the throne itself, not a friendship!

Where is there ever a chance that these two would ever be friends again? This is just absurd, insulting, and benevolent sexism on the writers/showrunners’ end.

On the one hand these two are supposedly so close that people write of how Alicent tries to look out for Rhaenyra and knows her....yet she is very quick to believe that Rhaenyra is amoral/would be and to let her father work against her. What about all their time and love spent together before Aemma dies that we don't even get to see but are told exist?

How does Alicent throw that all away, is what we should be asking ourselves. Is it just bad writing, sexism and a severe misunderstanding of narrative feminism on the writer's parts, or is it that these characters were never, ever close or understood each other from the very beginning?! Because, once again, there is absolutely no context and nothing to show for their emotional bond other than them touching each other here and there. There was no situation where we saw their relationship progress, change, grow and develop...so can we really be confident that it exists when Alicent so easily turns?

D) Speculating (But Not Really Because I Know Why)

The only thing that I thought of to “justify” this pre-marriages relationship is that they both had dead moms....oh wait, Rhaenyra's mom died much later after these two became friends!

But we only get a scene that could really shows how the may begin to be close after Aemma dies, when Alicent gets Rhaenyra to pray with her. And even then, that moment was more about Alicent and Alicent more guiding Rhaenyra like a septa or some authority figure, some saint, then a friend, rather than them coming together or realizing things together, etc (episode 2):

Rhaenyra: It's only been half a year since my mother died, and already they tried to marry my father off and replace me as heir. I know those men and how they plot in their secret councils when I've been sent away. 

Alicent: You cannot worry at the matters of lords and kings, Rhaenyra. What if your father were to remarry? Your father loves you. He chose you for his heir. 

Rhaenyra: He didn't choose me. He spurns Daemon. 

Alicent: Kneel with me. I find this is a way to be with my mother. Here in the quiet of the Sept, I feel close to her. I know it sounds foolish. 

Rhaenyra: I don't think it's foolish. I don't. 

Alicent: Good. Because I thought you might try. If not for me, then, perhaps for them.

Rhaenyra: What do I say? 

Alicent: Whatever you wish. It's only for you and the gods to know. 

Rhaenyra: I want him to see me as more than his little girl.

Alicent: Mine own father does not know the language of girls either. When I wish to talk with him, I know that I must make the effort.

Alicent’s last line here is particularly atrocious. “I/Rhaenyra must make the effort?”

As if Rhaenyra is the on who should build bridges? Not Viserys? Why the emphasis on Rhaenyra having to appeal to Viserys, and not how Viserys' actions are unfair and contradictory? What are people congratulating Alicent for making Rhaenyra "focus" on how her gender invites her to appeal to Viserys, to obey, not not "Rhaenyra, your gender would be used as pretext for obedience, so use it against them"? That Alicent doesn't at least commiserate on this point means she herself has internalized misogyny too much, and her advice now is flawed, not wise. And the show doesn't take this as Alicent giving flawed advice to then raise some criticism about hos she thinks or how she got to that palce of thought later through other scens...but it rather plays it as but her being helpful to Rhaenyra!

As if Alicent doesn’t steer away from the topic of Viserys not seeing Rhaenyra as a real, autonomus and worthy option is about mothers.

Or that Alicent is trying to avoid confronting the fact that her own father is pushing her to become a conflict of interest to Rhaenyra and endanger the very same inheritance?!

Excuse me.....how are they friends?! How does Rhaenyra not see this all as condescending, even a little? No, it’s “Thank you”. And she doesn’t worship nor believe in the Seven, so how does Alicent just now try to force her into praying when she had more than 10 years of their supposed friendship to know this isn’t helpful...and why would Rhaenyra, experiencing that unshown (nonexistent) scene of Alicent trying to get Rhaenyra to assimilate into Seven worship, then acquiese? 

How does this scene come across as them being close?!

And even if Aemma died much earlier--before episode 1--and they bonded over that, there has to be specific moments where we see these girls process and realize what their mothers’ deaths mean in the context of their living where they are and who they are or want and want to become, what they face by large and from individuals like the only-mentioned septa of episode 1. We have to see the moments where they realize that they share specific ideas and feelings about their moms, and not just assume that they are there because we watch these girls be intimate.

Now it feels like it's just because they are in the closest proximity with Otto being Viserys' Hand and working close to him. But kids don't become friends just because their parents work close together or are friends themselves.

[Ahem, Arya and Joffrey. There was no hope there even without Mycah’s death and "execution". And Sansa didn't want to be friends with Joffrey. She wanted to impress him because she acknowledge his status as him being able to treat people of lower class as beneath him. That's not real respect, on either side. It's ego and wanting to materially benefit from an association (Sansa) or feel powerful (Joffrey)].

So we go back to the only possibility where R and A became friends much earlier on, but there's no reason why they would and there's no scene to show how the writers imagine it happening.

Honestly, I wish this friendship never happened because what’s shown to us doesn’t make any sense and rather disrupts the story, not "improves" the original. We don’t feel that Alicent betrayed Rhaenyra, like how the soiled friendship between opposites would thematically demand. But no, the writers think it is more "complex" to make Rhaenyra justifiably lie when it's actually making Alicent look like Rhaenyra's helpless victim with little of her own accountability.

What made more sense is the canon relationship between Laena and Rhaenyra, and that is never a thing in the show. Show!/Book!Laena are both a lot more like Show!/Book!Rhaenyra than Show!/Book!Alicent ever was, at least by personality alone. She has the daring to approach and claim Vhagar at age 12, which suggests a stronger claim of adventurousness in her that matches Rhaenyra’s.

And why aren't they ever a thing in the show despite being available and more sensible? Because the writers are making a fanfic to express how the separation of RxA, two female "friends", come to be because it's all the fault of the !evil! men who always will have more power, soft or hard or interpersonal, over them. Benevolent sexism.

LaenaxRhaenyra doesn't serve this purpose to them and would give too much of a rich characterization, source of emotional comfort, or agency either to Laena or Rhaenyra.

I love that they were trying to make a point of non-politically-motivated, peace-desiring women manipulated by men and losing critical female friendships, emotional support, or agency...and yet removed the canon source of real female friendship and origin of the realest love and community Rhaenyra--their actual protagonist--had.

[sugaredoleander]

looking for very specific friends

a list of media ranging from being incredibly niche to not incredibly niche but that i'm deeply obsessed with and would like to talk to someone about

the search for signs of intelligent life

subnormality (webcomic)

people watching (webseries)

legends of tomorrow

smoke gets in your eyes, from here to eternity, will my cat eat my eyeballs, the death positive movement in general, even just caitlin doughty's youtube channel

alice isn't dead

the magnus archives

i'm thinking of ending things (book & movie)

tuca and bertie

the mad ones (the musical)

compatibility is based off specifity, so i will now list some of my favourite things that haven't already been listed

movies

everything everywhere all at once

mamma mia!

promising young woman

the handmaiden

pride

fear street

the half of it

saving face

but i'm a cheerleader

kajillionaire

tv shows

killing eve

the haunting of hill house

the haunting of bly manor

midnight mass

russian doll

sense8

crazy ex-girlfriend

wynonna earp

a series of unfortunate events (also grew up with the books, which is Very evident in my writing)

derry girls

one day at a time

books

less

the secret history

this is how you lose the time war

war of the foxes

crush

music

the mountain goats

mitski

indigo girls

zolita

ABBA

some of my all-time most played songs on spotify

i guess - mitski

ghost - indigo girls

working for the knife - mitski

JUDAS - the reverent marigold

this is a life - son lux

putting the dog to sleep - the antlers

amy aka spent gladiator 1 - the mountain goats

a better son/daughter - rilo kiley

misc.

interior design & architecture

country & folk music but especially specifically lesbian country & folk music

hannah gadsby

mary oliver

lefttube

museums

dark academia

stabat mater by vivaldi but specifically the version on the talented mr. ripley soundtrack

tove jansson

dykes to watch out for

queer horror & narrative podcasts

oh. the very concept of hobbies. the artistic, the culinary, the physical, if you bounce from interest to interest & have an incessant curiosity for the world

add ten points if you are a

medstudent

lesbian

leftist

writer

ADHD-er

live in italy bc i'm (hopefully, assuming i do well enough on the IMAT*) moving there this fall & don't have any local friends *if you're also studying for the IMAT, add 20 points, i need a study buddy

do NOT reach out if you

are under 18

don't support lgbtq rights, terfs do not interact

don't support BLM

are anti-choice

in any way do not support the liberation of marginalised people

if you went through this whole list, add ten points because i talk a lot & type very fast so expect a lot of reading. and if, going through the list, you found yourself thinking, hey, i do that! repeatedly, the inbox is open, come chat!

[profiterole-reads]

2021 Favourites

In no particular order. This is content I've read and watched in 2021, not necessarily content released in 2021.

Books

1. The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley: m/m 19th-century fantasy. I love the intricate plot of this series. Book 2 takes place in Japan, which makes it even more interesting.

2. The Velocity of Revolution by Marshall Ryan Maresca: queer and poly urban fantasy set in a secondary world. This amazing stand-alone novel has telepathy where the characters can end up in somebody else's body. Think Sense8.

3. [Spanish] Cada Seis Meses by Clara Duarte: f/f magical realism. This is my favourite Spanish novel. The love interest only exists six months a year. The plot plays with the butterfly effect.

4. Cute Mutants by SJ Whitby: sapphic and trans/enby superhero fiction (YA). This is a novel series, despite the comics-sounding titles. I read a lot of original superhero books and this is my fave.

5. Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao: m/m/f science fiction. I also read some original giant robot novels and this is definitely my fave. I love how it's inspired by Chinese culture and mythology.

6. The Unraveling by Benjamin Rosenbaum: science fiction with two invented genders. In this far-future stand-alone novel, people have several bodies with only one mind. Perfect for fans of Ann Leckie.

7. The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer: m/m science fiction (YA). Try to go into this book knowing as little as possible. It has horror vibes of the quiet "we're two people alone in the middle of space" variety.

8. The Papercutter by Cindy Rizzo: f/f dystopia (YA). The United States have split into two nations: the United Progressive Regions and the God Fearing States. Jewish pen pals use a secret code via traditional papercuts.

9. Jinx Ballou, Bounty Hunter by Dharma Kelleher: thriller with a trans woman protagonist. This action-packed series deals with serious themes, but also has fun scenes where the protagonist cosplays and goes to conventions.

10. [French] Tant qu'il le faudra by Cordélia: LGBT contemporary fiction. This is my favourite French series. A group of diverse people write an LGBT magazine. It's a brilliant mix of activism and romance.

TV shows

1. Word of Honor: BL wuxia. This c-drama is mind-blowing, nobody knows how it went past censorship. It has an excellent plot and beautiful visuals.

2. Heaven Official's Blessing: BL xianxia. This donghua is full of sweet flirting. I love the plot and the gorgeous art. There's also going to be a c-drama.

3. The Wheel of Time: heroic fantasy with some f/f + polyamory in the background. This is very pleasant to watch thanks to its focus on women and on characters of colour.

4. Legend of Yunqian: GL time travel (part wuxia, part contemporary). This c-drama is a quick watch, with 15 episodes of 4 minutes, but it packs a lot.

5. Motherland: Fort Salem: urban fantasy with some f/f. This is another excellent series with a focus on women and on characters of colour.

6. Color Rush: BL magical realism (YA). This k-drama is based on the concept of Soulmate AUs: you only see colour when you're with your soulmate. It's movie-length, with 8 episodes of 15 minutes.

7. MCU TV shows: Loki is bisexual and genderfluid. I also like the deaf representation in Hawkeye and the Black representation in Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

8. Y: The Last Man: science fiction with a trans man major character. The plot could have been better, but the trans representation is very well done.

9. Light On Me: BL romance (YA). This k-drama's protagonist is on the autism spectrum. It has an all-male love triangle.

10. Young Royals: m/m romance (YA). This amazing Swedish show is about a gay prince finding love at his boarding school.

Movies

1. The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity: BL wuxia (not to be mixed up with The Yin Yang Master, though it's pretty good too). Both of these movies are Chinese adaptations from the Japanese novel Onmyoji.

2. MCU movies: some m/m in Eternals. I love that we're finally getting more diversity in the MCU, not only with Eternals, but also with Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings.

3. The Matrix 4: science fiction by a trans woman. Objectively, there isn't much LGBT content, but subjectively, the movie has a lot of queer/trans energy.

4. Snake Eyes: action movie with BL vibes. I know it isn't exactly popular, but I thought it was as good with Japanese culture as Shang-Chi was with Chinese culture.

5. You Make Me Dance: BL romance. This Korean movie is a lovely story about a professional dancer and a debt collector.

[batbootie]

Ok so shower thoughts

imagine sense8, but in space. Like one of the covent is an astronaut in the ISS, or more, fucking going to Mars.

Can you imagine taking 7 other ppl with you? Their delight and fear ? How would the links evolve when they're not on the same planet or in the same solar system?

Like -lets go with Nomi or Kala going to Mars- is a sensitive and no one else knows because it's still a secret that another human specie exists. And Nomi goes to space cuz it's her childhood dream etc etc etc. She aced the physical and psychological tests (she feels like she cheated a lil bit bc sometimes she got help from the others. Or not, maybe she's very proud, so having someone else control her body is a fucking nightmare for them, I dunno. Possibilities.)

So bing badaboom the crew is sent to space and they have a routine etc etc.

But.

The crew just sees Nomi talk to herself sometimes, which is in all not that bad, but she's spending an awful lot of time in the botanic/chemistry side of the ISS -i dunno shit about that, just roll with it- conducting experiments while trying -and failing- to be subtle about it. She talks to the wall like it's responding to her and she even gets into arguments with it about molecules -she majored in Engineering ffs, chemistry should not be in the CV.

So the crew is just watching a lunatic do work for 2 ppl, train like a beast to avoid losing muscle mass and talk to "Martians" that aren't there. But her mental stability takes a nosedive when the link reaches its limit (or not) and she's completely isolated for the first time in years.

You feel me ?

And plot twist if she's left stranded on another planet, bc then 7ppl randomly show up on NASA ground, demanding to talk to the fucking manager. After Wolfie punches several ppl in the jaw to hammer the message home, they start to help and open a direct line of communication-if communication is possible between planets, depending on your choice that could change- or just hover in the background and scare the interns.

I'm not going to beg -yes I am- for someone to make a fanfic out of it, but damn, that could a nice concept, would it not ?

[nataliescatorccio]

Hey, hope you're well! Like most of us, I don't know anything about the behind the scenes issues with the Witcher but I've enjoyed seeing your opinion on everything. It's concerning that they chose who they did to replace Henry, though, and I honestly cannot picture how that's going to work... but maybe that's how we'll finally get a netflix visual representation of an older Jaskier, by giving us a younger Geralt?

All I can deduce is that, given how netflix has treated the original work, it is safe to say that if I had to pick between Superman and netflix's the Witcher, I'd probably pick Superman, too. Safer bet, bigger paycheck, and more job security. Netflix cancels shows left and right, often without rhyme or reason, and that's before taking into consideration *how* they treat their adaptations of original works. And that's coming from a purely TWN fan without firsthand exposure to either the books or the games. Maybe it was as simple as a time constraint that stopped him from doing both and he had to choose, or maybe realizing the direction the next season was going he decided to bow out after artistic differences, maybe there was a bad experience or disagreement during s3 filming, who knows. All I know is that I'll miss him and may not stick around for S4, depending on how poorly that's executed.

Either way, I'm glad we still have Henry as Superman, he's perfect in that role... now he just needs a script that's actually good to show just how perfect his casting was there. *sigh*

Netflix did pull off a good actor switch between seasons of sense8, though, so maybe it'll be fine. My hope, however, is that it's just a time constraint issue and he'll be back for s5, if it's not canceled. Picture it, he's cursed or spelled at the end of s3, and voila, perfect explanation to the different face and body in s4.

I'm not married to Canon, though, so no matter what people intend, I'm more than happy to picture Henry as my witcher in whatever fanfiction I ingest pre or post s4. I'll never understand people who accept canon as gospel. What's that saying? Fanfiction is canon reimagined, and we can be *very* good at reimagining. 0=P

i'm sorry anon, thank you for your kind words! but i fear that i just don’t have anything to add to these points. right now, i've answered so many asks on the subject i feel like i've said everything my brain can think of. i think at the moment all we can do now is see how it works out, at least to the point of season 3 where i will firstly judge whether i'm happy with where the writing is heading before worrying about whether the recast will work out for season 4. as you finish off by saying though, henry will always be my witcher.

re your sense 8 point: you’re right, but that actor only did one season and was not the sole male lead. so, i do think the situation here is very different. i also don’t think they’ll address the change at all. i get everyone is coming up with different reasons why he could have his face changed, but i really do think they’ll just keep going as if nothing has altered. which is where i’ll get frustrated because i do feel they need to address the elephant in the room. but anyway, right now i’m working with what ifs and not what’s happened, so we just have to wait and see.

[danhoemei]

I was wondering if you ever consumed bl that isn’t danmei? If so what are ur faves 👀

Hope you’re doing ok, much love ❤️

*shoves my 1.5k+ bookmarks of bl mangas under the carpet* ahaha sweet anon I might have

I’m doing okay, thank you and right back at you with 💚

You prompted me to think of different media I consumed which is bl and tbh I almost can’t think of anything other than danmei and bl mangas/manhwas :v Well, two western shows come to mind: 

sense8 (featuring characters representing literally all the letters in lgbt, plus wholesome poly relationships, tho i remember there are some cultural stereotypes there and the plot was p ridiculous to me at times lmao)

the show I’m currently UTTERLY obsessed with - what we do in the shadows 💚💚 comedic “documentary” show about vampires, so fresh because it’s incredibly normal in terms of body types (chubby, fat, hairy, bald) and different cultures (main cast is characters from mexico, iran, uk, us, greece, played by actors who actually have their roots in those countries) and because it doesn’t idealize vampires, instead they are dumb immortals who lived too long on this world to care about appearances or to follow the current times, they are crude, unapologetic, and so incredibly queer. I love them so much. And in terms of bl here - well one ship is becoming canon and gods i’m gonna lose it when the next season airs, one of my otps of all times i adore this stupid vampire x his badass familiar asjfhsdkbjf someone shut me up about them

A few mangas/manhwas which came to my mind (at this point idek if some of those classify as danmei, so just gonna list some BLs):

shounen ai (at least as far as I know):

19 days by Old Xian <333 I mentioned it a bit in this post, one of my fav bl stories ever

anime Yuri on Ice, also mentioned in the prev post already <3

The Best Smell by Lee Man-se (school bois, a guy who is too sensitive to smells and can “smell” emotions, slow burn, a crush turned ‘i’m gonna annoy you’ turned friends turned lovers, it’s so incredibly cute and also funny as heck, i love it)

For Your Love by Park Nodeok (also school bois, we follow a guy who noticed that his hyung has a crush on a guy, having bad experiences about gay relationships from his brother he tries to help the guy, gradually gets interested and starts developing his own feelings... a slow burn which is so believable in its progress, you can really feel the feelings changing and growing, the denial and fear painfully relatable. Also the main character is v chill and fun)

Hidamari Ga Kikoeru by Fumino Yuki (college, treats about disabilities which are not visible such as being mute or deaf, the male lead has severe hearing impairment and deals with a lot of issues because of it, and the story explores it well and respectfully, this whole manga is very wholesome and sweet, also a slow burn, I really like to suffer huh)

Mauri to Ryuu by Moto Haruhira (a series of short stories about gods x humans falling in love, very wholesome and precious 😭 well, warn for some abuse, slavery, war, because the world there is harsh, but the couples are soft and come to rescue if anything happens ;-;)

Dasadanan by Herb Mandu (if you want something light, cute, and funny, slice of life, school as well)

I remember some works by Tanaka Suzuki, like Aitsu no Daihonmei or Muchuu no Hito (slice of life with a lot of humor and some fantasy elements i’d say? Her works tend to be quite abstract and unsettling in the way dreams can be, like everything is fine and normal until you learn one fact or something happens and everyone in the world is normal about it while you suddenly realise that something with that world is very different to what you thought and you just sit there flabbergasted or lose grip of what is happening. It’s been a while since I read those so I don’t remember how much abstraction was here, these were pretty tame I think, I briefly checked out her latest works and let me tell you they’re fcked up lmao)

some expIicit ones 👀:

Canis Dear Mr. Rain and Dear Hatter by ZAKK (idk how long I’ve stared and studied just the art when I first encountered this series, it’s straight up stunning in my eyes, smooth and dynamic lines, each panel incredibly expressive, i am a simp for just that style hhhh, the story and characters are also quite intricate and with much depth <3 slow burn despite love at first sight ayy)

Bouzu to Kumo / Buddhist Priest And Spider by Haji (”A Buddhist monk who feels more at ease with monsters than with humans is travelling through a haunted countryside together with a Spider monster” AND THEY ARE GAY *cough* anyway kind of established relationship from the beginning tho it gets deeper and so sweet T-T I love the style and the magical creatures <3 Also very delicious smut 👀 quite a lot of it 👀)

works by Hinohara Meguru, like XXX Allergy and Therapy Game and Kamisama no Uroko (so sweet 😭 and spicy af 👀 pretty style)

Oko-sama Star by Aomiya Kara (cute story ghhh, I generally enjoy the subversion of stereotypes e.g. the delinquent-looking guy turning out to be soft and just bad at expressing emotions and that’s the case here ;> very wholesome story, a lot of teasing and so much softness 🥺)

Romantic Box by Gaeggi (short story but very spicy and so darn cute 😭)

Konya mo Nemurenai / Another Sleepless Night by Yamamoto Kotetsuko (slice of life with a summoned demon lmao, very fluffy and so sweet that your teeth could ache, with more dynamic action and supernatural issues here and there)

Akai Ito no Shikkou Yuuyo by Yoshio Akira, and the spin off Kanawanu Koi no Musubikata (red string of fate - in 1st story mc sees it and is very unhappy when he finds out who his string is attached to, 2nd story is about a guy who cuts the strings and therefore doesn’t have his own but still finds love)

Fukouchuu no Shiawase by Enzou (god of misfortune gets sent to a guy who has too much luck, v funny)

*cough* if u want some har//dcore smutt *cough*

Shuchuu ni Otoshite Ii desu ka? by Kureno Mataaki (i really like the characters and the style is *chefs kiss*, also it’s just... so hot)

Datte Maou-sama wa Kare ga Kirai by Yamada Nichoume (rivals to lovers go brrr in bed)

some works by Mishinoku Atami, like Mayonaka Love Alliance or Kocchi Muite (spicy af with endgame wholesome relationships <33, also manly guys, a genderfluid character in the first story)

some works by Scarlet Beriko, like Yondaime Ooyamato Tatsuyuki or Minori no Te (such pleasing style <3 and very hot 👀)

some works by Lastcrime/U, like Muka Tsuku Douryou to Sefure ni Narimashita

some works by Tokishiba, like DoS Obake ga Nekasetekurenai (warn about dub-con and sm)

Risou no Koibito by Madarame Hiro (I love her humor djvbsdkj, also this story is nice for breaking the stereotypes and having the big top-like guy as the bottom, warn that it’s quite klnky, with semi-public smex etc.)

[bluefirewrites]

JATP Sense8 AU Drabble

Back at it again with another one. Here’s the previous Sense8 AU drabble. 

Inspired by Sense8, a show about a group of 8 people from different countries being suddenly telepathically and emotionally link (and they often ‘visit’ each other in their heads). It’s trippy and hard to explain if you haven’t seen the show, but hopefully the idea make sense in this scenario. 

Anyways, enjoy! 

__________

"Carrie's in trouble,"

Reggie emerges, interrupting whatever kind of date she and Luke were having.

As much of a date it can be with a time difference and going out dancing in L.A but watching a movie in London...

At the same time.

"What kind of trouble?" Julie asks, ducking into a secluded area of the club.

Now Willie's in the mix, appearing out of nowhere, "See for yourself."

All four of them are now suddenly in Paris, right behind Carrie as she's walking sans her security team. A risk for someone as famous as her. 

"You see them too, right?" she whispers.

Luke turns and spots the men that appear to be police.

"Those aren't cops. Too wily to be cops. Trust me," Willie smirks, "I'd know,"

Luke, the only one out of the group that's familiar with Europe and has been to Paris before, directs Carrie where to go, hoping to evade them.

Julie's worried, "Do you think it's-?"

"Yes," Flynn's now by her side, "It so is."

"Girl, where have you been?"

"Trying to cover my tracks. I suggest you do the same,"

"Oh great," Carrie mutters, "Flynn's here."

"Yes, princess, I'm here. And I'm gonna help,"

Suddenly, they're in Hong Kong in Flynn's office, watching her type furiously, hacking the street cams in Paris so she can have another visual.

"They know about us," Reggie says, fearful, "Don't they?"

The ‘they’ is still unknown. All the group knows is that it’s a group, some organization, and they’re hellbent on hunting down people like them. 

"We haven't been very subtle," Flynn looks at Carrie and Julie, clearly referring to the incident where Julie accidentally took Carrie's place at Fashion Week...

Back to Paris, they walk, surrounding Carrie like a shield.

"We're not gonna let them find us," Luke asserts, "We made it this far."

"Someone's gotta check on Alex," Reggie suggests, “We need to make sure all of us are covered. Bobby too.” 

Willie shakes his head, "No, Alex's got his own shit to deal with."

"Yeah his parents are a nightmare, but we need to make sure he's safe, right?"

The skater nods, taking another glance at their pursuers, "I'll do it. Be right back."

Tagging: @blush-and-books @lydias–stiles @tmp-jatp @echocharm17618 @pink-flame @rainfallingfromthesky @ruzek-halstead @brightattheorpheum @caffeine-catastrophe  @moreflowersthanweeds @willexx @crummycassidy @phantomsandsunsets @shelvesofgold  @freeshawarmas

[locke-writes]

Noah’s Watchlist

Here’s the list of what I’m watching. Some items on this list will be added to The Fandoms List in the future but please let me know if there’s something on here that you’d request for as some shows/movies I might not be considering adding.

Feel free to provide any recommendations!

Updated: Jul 9, 2023

Currently Watching:

Criminal Minds (S7:E1) - Rewatch

Malcolm In the Middle (S6:E1) - Rewatch

Boy Meets World (S1:E6) - Rewatch

Animaniacs (S1:E2) - Rewatch

Naruto (S1:E3)

Doug (S1:E4) - Rewatch

Normal People (S1:E5)

Sense8 (S1:E1) - Rewatch

X Files (S3:E9)

A Series of Unfortunate Events (S3E3)

Misfits (S2:E5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (S3:E20)

All That (S2:E3) - Rewatch

The Powerpuff Girls (S1:E5) - Rewatch

Modern Family (S4: E12)

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (S1:E5) - Rewatch

Recently Watched (Films)

The Mitchells vs. The Machines (2021)

The Rescuers (1977) - Rewatch

Mars Needs Moms (2011)

Shrek (2001) - Rewatch

Shrek 2 (2004) - Rewatch

Audible (2021)

Beauty and the Beast (1991) - Rewatch

New In Town (2009)

That Thing You Do! (1996)

Sliding Doors (1998) - Rewatch

Primal Fear (1996) - Rewatch

Palm Springs (2020)

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

Robin Hood (1979) - Rewatch

Girlfriend’s Day (2017)

The Great Mouse Detective (1986) - Rewatch

Aladdin (1992) - Rewatch

Chicken Run (2000) - Rewatch

Pocahontas (1995) - Rewatch

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) - Rewatch

Inheritance (2020)

A Man Called Otto (2022)

Sleeping Beauty (1956) - Rewatch

One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961) - Rewatch

How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days (2003) - Rewatch

Vincent (1982) - Rewatch

Begin Again (2013) - Rewatch

Paddington (2014)

The Sword in the Stone (1963) - Rewatch

La La Land (2016)

WarGames (1983)

Six Days Seven Nights (1998)

Big Top Pee-Wee (1988) - Rewatch

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) - Rewatch

Anastasia (1997) - Rewatch

Hugo (2011) - Rewatch

Ant-Man (2015) - Rewatch

Music From Another Room (1998)

Cyrus (2010)

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Pete’s Dragon (1977) - Rewatch

The Little Mermaid (1989)

Big Night (1996)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) - Rewatch

The Lovely Bones (2009)

District 9 (2009) - Rewatch

Pinocchio (1940) - Rewatch

The African Lion (1955)

Una (2016)

Punch (2022) - Rewatch

Hercules (1997) - Rewatch

eXistenZ (1999) - Rewatch

I Could Never Be Your Woman (2007) - Rewatch

A King in New York (1957)

Evil Angels (1988)

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) - Rewatch

My Brilliant Career (1979)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) - Rewatch

Dazed and Confused (1993) - Rewatch

La Cage aux Folles (1978)

Davy Crockett and the River Pirates (1956)

The Black Cauldron (1985) - Rewatch

Lisztomania (1975)

Upcoming:

Lucifer

The Witcher

Atypical

Sex Education

Spider Man: Into the Spider-verse - Rewatch

Halt & Catch Fire - Rewatch

The Old Guard

Nurse Jackie

Dead to Me

The Punisher

Merlin - Rewatch

Daredevil

I Am Not Okay With This

Happy

The Magicians

Never Have I Ever

Twin Peaks

The Guild

Jane the Virgin

The Politician

The Night Shift - Rewatch

Jessica Jones

Booksmart - Rewatch

I, Frankenstein - Rewatch

The Great

M*A*S*H - Rewatch

Fresh Off the Boat

Little Fires Everywhere

Single Parents

Sabrina the Teenage Witch - Rewatch

Superstore

Blue Bloods

Black-ish

Law & Order SVU - Rewatch

Atlanta

Adventure Time

Looking For Alaska

Preacher

Killing Eve

Fargo (FX) - Rewatch

The Orville

The Three Musketeers (1993) - Rewatch

Newsies (1992) - Rewatch

The Mandalorian

Big Mouth

Mr Robot

Bridgerton

Gothika (Rewatch)

A Monster Calls

After Life

Blood of Zeus

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

A Million Little Things

The Rookie

Black Adder

The Mighty Boosh

ER

10 Things I Hate About You (Rewatch)

The Mighty Ducks

Gargoyles

That’s So Raven (Rewatch)

Even Stevens (Rewatch)

Wandavision

Falcon & The Winter Soldier

Loki

9-1-1

9-1-1: Lone Star

Young Frankenstein (Rewatch) - Suggestion

The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes’ Smarter Brother - Suggestion

NBC Hannibal - Rewatch

Suicide Squad - Rewatch

The Suicide Squad

Trollhunters

Django Unchained

Hunter x Hunter

Pinky and the Brain - Rewatch

Chowder - Rewatch

Take Shelter

The House That Jack Built

Willy’s Wonderland

The United States of Tara

Party Down

Firefly

Midnight Mass - Rewatch

The Faculty (Rewatch) - Suggestion

Hawkeye

Legion (FX)

Encanto - Suggestion

Yellowstone - Suggestion

Maya and the Three - Suggestion

This Is Us

The Sandman

Being Human (US) - Rewatch

[lupinerage]

Tagged by the ever lovely @cuban-g3mini

Name: Connor

Pronouns: he/they

Zodiac: Pisces

Height: 5'8” or 5'9" depending on the measuring tape and how shitty my back is that day

Time: 8 pm

Birthday: March

Nationality: American (unfortunately)

Favourite Bands/groups: Shinedown. Always Shinedown. I love Rise Against, Papa Roach, all that jazz, but Shinedown is always my jam.

Favourite Solo Artists: No

When was your blog made: 2013

Why you chose your url: I'm angry and like wolves

Last show you binged: Oh, gods, um... last new one was Sense8, I think. Most recent overall was Gurren Lagann.

Following count: 347

Follower count: 495

Average sleep hours: I don't wanna know.

Other blogs: if you know, you know

Last thing you googled: Concert tickets, I think

Lucky Number: 42

Currently wearing: buy me dinner first

Instrument: I'm practically tone deaf, but I hum well.

Dream trip: I miss the beach, and I've always wanted to go to Ireland.

Favourite food: Pizza. Or a fat steak with mashed potatoes.

Fave song: Cut the Cord by Shinedown is all-time, but I keep getting The Tale of Cú Chulainn stuck in my brain. Also, all of Rise Against's singles from this year.

Top three fictional universes: Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and.... gods, I'm torn between Skyrim and No Man's Sky.

Let's see... @earthtocherryy @androidbisexual @lilachour @fear-theory @gentlerainmorninghush @thatqueer-dm and @berethberiadanwen

No pressure, my beloved dudes.