#and says really nice encouraging things
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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go! (1/?)
#mine#not so daily sid#sundry sidney#d20#dimension 20#a starstruck odyssey#aso#fanart#helloo everybuddy.... starting a thing where i try to draw a sidney every day for practice and to spread the love.. ideally itd be sundrysy#but im going back to the basics and just try to finish something every day even if its just a sketch ... reconnecting with art and practisi#g my skills if you will . im on a little bit of an artists journey if u cant tell so sorry if this is sappy#i have a million poses to put sidney in so i hope we're all excited for more sidney art in this world... so many aus and things ive been wa#ting to share ........... im really so excited for it . i might not post all of them but believe that i am keeping up >_<))#i appreciate all of you who like my art and say nice things ^_^)) its really encouraging even when my burnout gets severe... i love art and#i love to share my art so im glad to have this niche corner of the internet to draw my cute robot girl imgs. ok thats all much love
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Madoka is the promise you won't turn from a child, full of hopes and dreams and the wish to save the world, into a bitter adult who just wants to hurt others and ruin people's lives
Madoka promised to be there for you to remind you of the person you wanted to be and to stop you from becoming what you sought to destroy
Madoka made that promise and became the very embodiment of it

#Moon posting#Feeling emotional about Madoka Magica all out of the blue and I'm making it your problem#IDK I saw a video in my YT reccs ranking Doremi toys and I really enjoyed it (sadly can't remember who it was)#So I went to check what other content the person had made and they had recently-ish done a blind reaction to Madoka#Didn't watch the whole thing just The Good Shit at like double speed (it was completely uncut and I wasn't in the mood for a full rewatch)#And god. The way the fucking ending to this series still makes me fucking sob like a baby EVEN WHEN WATCHING AT DOUBLE SPEED#I dunno what to tell you I really like that series. Like I just do. Madoka is Good Actually#IDK I feel like everyone has a lot of Opinions about the series and all I can say is that y'all are wrong and don't understand it#MADOKA ISN'T ABOUT BEING EDGY GRIMDARK TORTURE PORN!!! IT'S ABOUT HOPE!! AND DREAMS!! AND NOT GIVING UP!!#Y'all remember that post about how sometimes if you need to imagine Naruto encouraging you to help you get out of bed and brush your teeth#Then you imagine that dattebayo#And that is literally what Madoka is.#Except instead of self-care Madoka is there to stop you from being a toxic little dickweed and be nice to others#Sometimes you need to stop and ask: Would Madoka do that? Would Madoka say that? Would she be proud of me right now?#Don't ask me why I'm posting this it is 5 am I should be in bed man
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This 4th of July I’m stealing the patriotism euphoria that’s usually associated with assholes idolizing the worst attributes of this country because fuck ‘em I live here too and remembering the things this country actually got Right is an important exercise when trying to rally anyone to want to defend it in November SO putting my money where my mouth is I’ll start easy and say I really like National Parks!! It’s rad how many of them there are and how they’re actual set up to preserve some of the most beautiful wild areas in our country while still letting people visit to enjoy and experience nature!! (Less important but I love how they put national parks on the quarters I think that’s real fun)

Feel free to add on if something speaks to ya!
#The hypothesis I’m testing here is that remembering there are good things now and then can combat apathy a little bit#and this is the one day of the year where everyone has a free pass to say nice things about the US so!#some other fun freebies:#public libraries are really cool!! Love visiting them and I should do that way more#bit of a funnier one but I think our interstate highways are really nice#like I’d love trains too but it’s really cool how you can travel the whole country relatively easily like it’s all pretty connected#I love how women have equal rights! We’re backsliding a little right now which is why it’s so important to latch onto this now!#I love how we don’t have a draft- this one might point to some other issues in the country#but at least from a surface level it’s great that military service isn’t mandatory#If you aren’t in the US and still want to play go for it!#today I’m encouraging everyone to pick at least one little positive thing they like#and then down the line if you’re wondering why voting matters at all#maybe remember that little thing y’know#Do it for the national parks and the libraries and gay marriage and stuff#humming-rambles#anyways that’s my social experiment for the day hope y’all get to see some fun fireworks later!
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being in my little carefully curated fandom bubble makes me genuinely forget that some people still think that oc x canons or self-shipping or x reader fics or whatever are 'cringy' or 'embarassing'
#💌 personal#i mean. to be fair when i first started posting i was also SUPER embarassed to be posting oc x canon stuff#because honestly i havent really been into that before twst#that's exactly why i even made this blog in the first place#because i wanted to share my art and my writing and my ocs and my thoughts but i was WAY to embarassed to show any of that to my friends#and even in the beggining i kind of was like#haha yes i know im so silly and embarassing im totally not taking what i do seriously haha dont worry!#but people on here are genuinely SO nice and supportive#i was meet with nothing but constant encouragement#it really made me get over all my initial embarrassment and just kind of. fully embrace being earnest#and fully show off the pure joy that doing what i do on here makes me feel#AND IT TURNS OUT PEOPLE LIKE IT#literally there isnt a bigger confidence booster for me than people on here being enthusiastic about all the little thoughts and headcanons#i post#and then i take a little step outside of this space and it can be such a whiplash sometimes djgjdjfjdjfjf#ESPECIALLY on tiktok#like wow ppl on there REALLY dont have any whimsy huh#also i have to say#recently i got a bit better at showing my friends the art i post on here#honestly is kinda funny that i was SO scared and embarassed to show it to them because they truly are the MOST supportive and the sweetest#people on earth and encouraging eachother to talk more about our interests is our whole thing
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applied to a bunch of jobs! 😅🙏
#took me three days bc i really wanted my dad's input on my resume and he took a while to get back to me#but i reallyyyy wanted to have applications in my monday morning and now i do :)#also feeling much better aboutbthe whole thing now that i have stuff to be excited about#still really really sad abt leaving the kids at my current job tho#but i drove by some of the places i applied today and researched them and im really optimistic about some of them#i even heard back from one already which i was not expecting at all#she literally emailed me like half an hour after getting my application and started asking me questions#like a pre interview#so thats nice#we went back and forth a couple of times#its not my top top choice but that place isnt officially hiring and might take forever to back back to me#this place is a smaller home daycare type place and urgently hiring but the pay is super good and a home daycare environment might be nice#and the pay is pretty decent esp compared to what im making now#the top top place is a fancy pants private school that going to be way more thorough abt references and background check#so they'll take longer to get back to me#but i found out after applying that my friend's mom works there 🤯#so she's gonna ask her to put in a good word for me :)#but they're not officially hiring according to their website it just says they encourage people to inquire so i did#so p unlikely i would get that one but you never know#anyway!!!!#finally excited abt things and not just filled with dread and sadness abt leaving the current place and kids#still makes me sad but im not on the verge of tears thinking abt it anymore lol#this has been a shitpost
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me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies

#iwillspeakincessantly#god it felt so nice to meet with her again#talking woth someone whos been so influential at my school and the whole state as far as transgender and queer policy making and has#so many connections amd experience and is also trans and historically a teacher bfor she retired#genuinely makes me feel so much better about my life and where im going#and less worried about if ill ever be able to live a peaceful life as a trans twacher when she personally knows#multiple other transmen tbats shes taught who are now teaching IN MY STATE#safely and happily#ough#we said wed meet more in the future and she encouraged me to join the cities pride group that she had founded and is the head of#and maybe tjis time ill actjally go#she even gifted me a book that she had had that she thinks would give me solace and comfort in my life#tbat was also written by a trans man sinxe she thinks im easily intelligent enough to get the humor and referwnces in#god she said i was well spoken and articulated even tho i feel so stupid and inarticulate sometimes#since i ramble a lot and lose my thoughts and i feel like my speaking vocabulary is so lowbrow and cheap often#no matter how many times other peope say i always sound so intelligent when i speak#ARGH#been super steessed about a lot of things in my life and if ill make it out alive but just this short hour and a half convo over a food#has made me feel so mich better and happier and hopeful#argh argh ougj i love finding out that people talk immense amount of positive things about me#god#i was rlaking about how often i struggle woth socializing amd making friends and she aas like really? ive been having a wondefful time#walkimg with you youre so intelligent and well spoken and its like thank you my issues ckme from group settings#and unclear un familiar subjects and ettiqutes of my fellow youths#but it made me feel so good about myself#im gonna implode :333333 positive
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The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.
It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.
#red said#i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life#my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me#like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy.#anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is.#but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was#like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it#i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen.#I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles#and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences#and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma#obviously microtraumas build up but still.#then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma#is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING#told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip#and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain#until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position#and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific#and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with#like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex#out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage?#and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh#so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea#that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.#like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.
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i should just write my fic instead of talking about it but the crux of jimmy and his ex’s relationship and especially their parenting really is just “two people who got together in high school and failed to mature much since then, and ended up as parents despite never really wanting to be one in their heart of hearts.” jimmy takes being a dad more seriously and got more attached to the boys but still can’t be emotionally vulnerable to save his life, and his ex is great at the surface level support, but feels most comfortable Not Being A Mom, so very willingly took less custody and… it’s not that they don’t love their kids, because they really do, they are just So Bad At This
#then Molly’s bf Allen is a very put together adult but has no interest in parenting so he’s nice to the boys but like#he’s a competent babysitter and at best sort of akin to a boring uncle#and trev loves the pesto boys to death and is much more encouraging and more emotionally available#but he’s also— and i say this with all the love in the world— dumb as a rock about certain things#so it’s a whole lot of adults just fumbling to parent these kids#and 3/4 of them really do adore these kids and the last one is still a good guy! but it doesn’t make them good at this
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reading an excellent paper abt how pjo unintentionally upholds ideas of american exceptionalism and white supremacy rn
#my post#i must admit when i reread the original series recently i noticed a lot of eyebrow raising moments#the way they talked abt western civilization as this thing that is inherently good and must be protected#with no explanation why. it just is and it just does.#the way it definitively framed luke and kronos as the evil villains and then had them say they wanted to destroy the west#meaning that the readers are encouraged to disagree with the idea that the west is flawed and needs change or complete upheaval.#maybe it's the anti-imperialist in me but i really did not like the way the original pjo series talks about the west.#and the paper i'm reading explores all that and more !! very good very nice#it's still a great book series but i think it's important to be aware of the themes and ideas it's based on#and the way it encourages young readers to dismiss anti-western sentiments as evil
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my opinions on translation : i wish the average person who gets into smth translated/localized could have tl theory beamed into their head . bcause i know it'd be ridiculous of me to expect everyone to understand and i don't want everyone to HAVE to spend that time but man. if it were inherent,
#IT'S LIKE SMTH i make sure not to get mad at any party abt bcause it really makes sense#and i love love the spread of important sentiments that wouldn't be able to be shared otherwise. and#i love the ability for ppl to share things out of pure love for the original media. i am 100% for fan tls#but i think WELL THIS IS BCAUSE I COME FROM A VOCA BG and i feel it's got an extra layer of care it needs when its poetry but#i think.... translating is an art... it should be approached not only as a derivative work but you have to think of urself as a writer#and ur attempting to convey the thoughts of someone else and the work as a whole so for substantial things it's rlly important#to understand the entire piece thematically.. meaning u have to be able to analyze media as well..#it's a difficult and intimidating role really and i love respecting it i have names of tlers i know and look out for#and it's nice as someone new to toku to see that ppl also have their sub groups they like :]#and anyway WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO SAY AND STRESS:#WE SHOULD ENCOURAGE MORE TRANSLATIONS!!! we should NOT assume a 'best' or 'perfect' translation!!!#the original work will always be the original work!! you simply can't have it the same way#but that doesn't make tls secondrate or imitations!!#this is why u gotta respect urself as a writer! the point of a tl is it should have its own value!!#and as each person writes diff each person will tl diff#so to get as much out of a work as possible... i think it is for the best to also see as many tls as possible#i've had lil and i tl the same song before and reconvene and it's really good because a translation is jus another form of analysis#how did u read the work? how did i read the work? if u want to understand smth to the fullest#u'll wanna analyze it as much as possible . and translation is a good way of doing so. while getting input in the form of other tls#txt#ugh i gotta break out the tl theory readings again... great stuff.....#in the end there's def also accuracy and quality in translating only cause . some things r less interpretation and more#inaccurate or lacking understanding of a language. but that's probably a given
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I finished big o like a year ago but never went back to the manga-I really should-yet it’s still taken up so much space in my brain not only just because of how much of a unique mecha it is while still staying true to the genre but for the crazy ass shit the end of the show drops on you and id love to make a post about my interpretation of the ending cause ive thought about it a lot but the issue is even if i know most of my posts go over peoples heads and i can just put “big o spoilers don’t read if you haven’t finished/want to see it” at the top so people don’t accidentally read it I really don’t know how to DESCRIBE the twist.
Like this shit really makes getter being a cosmic horror be such a casual and normal statement in comparison which is something I never thought could be top given two of the major anime’s end with one or more of our protagonists going to fuck off land.
But at least I can tell you that happened where as big o it’s like “what the FUCK did I just witness what do you mean ITS ALL FAKE” and that’s as far and vague as I can go without spoiling it completely.
#meg text#the big o#I want to rewatch big o but I need to finish the manga or actually watch something new hmmmmm#I can say with confidence nothing will be more of a mind fuck then that ending and if there is I’d be scared as fuck#it’s not like it’s been done before but the way it’s executed it’s the most existential dread thing ever- and also again WHAT THE FUCK#legit after the ending this show left a permanent place in my mind next to being a good ass show#getter will always be my main fixation though like no one tops ryoma nagare but MAN#big o a fucking gem#but also the most confusing thing I’ve ever witness when you get to the end#so I can’t recommend it to everyone even if I encourage anyone who likes mecha to watch it#I feel like suggesting it to a non mecha fan is risky tbh#like even if it be a nice starter I feel mecha that genre people would think is confusing after seeing Eva or again getter endings#but it’s not REALLY it just depends on the show#most of them have a grounded conclusive ending#but the ones that leave a impact have the most ???? ones
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do you have a side account for other doodles or do you just have your yakuza accounts
i have many side accounts and theyre all for different fandoms i like so yes but do i have one central art account. Lol.
#snap chats#yeah no. no i dont LMAOOOO#thats kiiiiind of what my twitters meant for but. uh.#i get awkward bout posting art there that deviates from. whatever i mainly post bout at the time#like i post rgg on my twitter rn but once or twice i posted shadow and final fantasy art#but i felt so awkward i just. never did it again- esp since they received such low attention jveALVJAELKJ#and ik ik Post For Yourself Yadda Yadda but its always nice gettin encouragement but Moving On#if its art that deviates from the current franchise ive been posting about at the time#then i usually wait until ive accumulated a couple of pieces of art or like. i KNOW im gonna be locked in for a while to start posting ther#i get very awkward suddenly inflicting my new interests onto people. and thats why i like tumblr#whenever i feel myself begin to really like another thing i can just make a new blog and start anew#at the same time im not abandoning the other thing i like and i can keep em separate and not confuse anyone#but with twitter thaaatts like. a whole thing. i dont wanna make another email im too lazy#plus getting noticed on there is a LOT more difficult compared to tumblr- like once you have attention then youre set#but starting's annoying so. lol#all of this to say i mostly just keep a lot of my doodles to myself since theyre not fandom related and im too lazy for a central art acc#or at the very least its not for a fandom i have an account for/ive drawn enough of to warrant air dropping onto twitter like a nuke#again i feel awkward about mixing interests if i have the easy option to organize it in regards to tumblr so. yah
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Sometimes I see other people's art and i'm reminded all over again of how long i have ahead of me. I... feel so baby...
#a shadow's rambles#reminding myself too that i'm supposed to be a baby at this and expecting otherwise is stupid#I may indulge a bit with the next one#and by indulge i mean make a full-on scene which means overcomplicating my life + uuuh other things#honestly jealous of those who are fast at drawing but i'm a total slowpoke#at least today i've found myself in a genuine gaming mood so i'm progressing with Kingmaker for a change!#people saying nice things about my colors tho............#I struggled so much with digital color it's actually really encouraging
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therapy was interesting she kinda just out of nowhere asks if i like writing and i was hesitantly like….yes……and she got all excited she was like you should really pursue that. i think that’d be great for you. and i was like thank you but why are you saying this. i don’t remember exactly what she said cause i think i blacked out a little but basically said im very well spoken and deliberate with my word choice and she said she’d have been very surprised if i said i don’t write at all
#im trying to remember what exactly she was saying but my brain kind of short circuited#i was like oooo im being praised i think this is great -w- and barely processed what she was saying#i told her a little bit about all the work i’ve already done on some of my projects and she seemed genuinely impressed ..#but maybe she was just being nice..but then she yells at me when i say things like that#so i guess i’m going to choose to believe she was being genuine because she’d yell at me for thinking otherwise#she’s really encouraging me to continue writing and i’m stressed ;-;#she asked why i don’t consider pursuing it more seriously someday and i was like well#i just don’t think it’s realistic#she asked why and i kinda just.#well laurie i don’t actually know i just feel it in my bones i suppose#she went >:(#i told her a little bit about the kind of stuff i like to write and she got all sad cause i enjoy writing horror stuff#she’s like aw :( i’ll never be able to read any of your stuff i get scared so easily :(#that made me actually laugh for real#maybe this comes as a surprise to some of u i talk abt it sometimes but i do actually write short stories a lot#i just have literally never shared them with another living soul cause i’m fairly certain they’re SHIT. but i do it#i stay silly !!!!#sigh…#id like to have told her more about my bigger projects but whenever ppl do try and ask abt it#i just freeze up like oh it’s silly..it’s just something i do as a hobby irs nothing serious don’t mind me…#😖#i like writing but i don’t like talking about my writing#anywaysss#snow.txt
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i don't think you're that weird. you just have feelings that would be sanitized and considered taboo in public spaces. i like reading your thoughts though, and i dont find them inappropriate or very odd. but i think that you think well and thats very interesting
gosh. how personal do I get in response.
it's very easy to build up an identity around being weird. the classic "I'm so quirky" behavior, and as much as I try not to do that, I still fall into the pattern. but I think there's something very kind and disarming about being told that you're not indelibly marked as separate from other people, so thank you
it's something I try to remind other people of, but I forget to hold that same message for myself.
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also, do you want to see a picture of a rattlesnake I saw a while back on a hike
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#ask color#and like.. the concept of “weird” is a false premise based on the presumption of some established common normalcy shared by humanity#it's just. when you grow up internalizing that false premise it's still baked into your wires and processing system#reading this pushed a lot of thoughts and emotions to the surface and I don't know if I'll be able to really untangle them properly#anyway. getting back on fetlife recently has reminded me that I'm actually not that far from the center of the cultural bell curve.#and I think that being unhinged is cool. I just.. I try and keep some level of stability yaknow? try not to go too far off the deep end.#but I'm on tumblr in the first place because it has more of the vibes I'm looking for. less so because of the content ban in 2018. but stil#I do try and push for being more authentic irl as well. it gets me some negative responses for sure. but I'm not gonna stop.#too many people live double lives and allow themselves to get caught up in the meat grinder of cultural normalization#and I'm not going to contribute to that. it just encourages suppression of anything outside of the immediate cultural overton window.#something something passive participation in the marginalization of myself and others blah blah blah.#ANYWAY. thanks for saying nice things I appreciate it. weird/normal is a false dichotomy that we should all strive to be free from.
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