#and sacrificing yourself to turn the tide of the war

[romanmarble]

I’m going to puke why is he like this

[theurgists]

⋆｡‧₊°♱༺ THE STORM ༻♱༉‧₊˚.

aemond targaryen x fem!reader

summary: restless nights come with revelations.

warnings: 18+, tully!reader, mentions of death, descriptions of death, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of childbirth, a small bit of angst, an even smaller amount of fluff, ( should be everything but if something is missing please let me know )

a/n: not much to say except a big thanks to @aemondtarqaryens for beta-reading this for me, I appreciate you friend <3 enjoy!

Soil often had centuries of stories to tell; laying dormant beneath blades of grass. Tragic tales that weaved themselves deep within valleys, grasping the roots of trees, and twirling around death to keep themselves nourished. A realm stained with maroon liquid that would seemingly rejuvenate the earth; feeding it flesh and carcass as an offering for those who had conquered, who had built on such sacred lands and birthed destruction.

In turn, erde would lap the harsh waters that sat at Blackwater Bay, raising the tides, angering the gods — old and new. It devoured those whose hearts palpitate under the scrutiny of the sweltering heat, falling victim to the ball of fire in the sky. It clawed at the remains of sanity, erasing any and every part of one’s being until flesh peels away from bone.

For the lives erde took, less was given. 

The greater the loss, the greater the greed. 

That was something your mother had whispered near the shell of your ear, her voice lilted and as smooth as honey — becoming equally sticky when it finally stuck itself between lumps of tissue that made up your brain.

She had told you to be cautious, for she would not be around much longer. Within the crevices of your soul, you knew that to be true, as she had sacrificed her entire being to keep you gentle, and strong — something she could not be. Though young, pale skin and sunken cheeks were what you gazed upon when the thinness of your fingers would swipe across her face in tender affection, you were always doing your absolute best to keep the tears at bay.

Sickness flourished in her lungs soon after; blooming from the inside, withering her away little by little until you had nothing else left to cling to. Her skeleton became fine flora and fauna on your ten-and-fifth name day, sprouting stems of green, budding willows and small clusters of lavender blooms. 

Your bones had ached with growth as the years grew harsher, and war crept close in the form of those a part of the City Watch, donned in the finest of armor and longswords sheathed at their sides when they’d march about back within the walls of safety. Imagining the blood dripping down the sharp, curved edges of their blades came easy, as you had witnessed such brutality and heard it with your ears. 

And once you were married off by your father, serenity became a craving. An itch in your gums and esophagus exceedingly stuffed with savagery so grand, the familiar taste of copper would pool in the middle of your tongue. The foreign feeling would not fade until it was acknowledged, welcomed with warm arms and an equally warm heart — somewhat naïve — just like you. 

At first, it had been bearable. Starting as a tingle on the bumped expanse of the spine, inching in every way possible, a certain desperation in how quickly it spreads, how it consumes you whole in something mildly familiar. Delusion — something you’d come to realize you would happily tangle yourself in if the soles of your bare feet weren’t absorbing the vibration from woodland grounds, greenery tucked between your toes. 

Moonlight descended upon your skin, trickling up the stretch of your arms in a dim warmth you were sure that none else would bring you. The lids of your eyes were screwed tightly, a dull throb forming in the sockets as you balled your fists at your sides. 

If there was one place you should not be, it was here, out in the open and shaded by nothing but leaves of the weirwood tree in the Godswood, the looming towers of the Red Keep filling your veins with a sense of dread. 

Misery has become you; sealed in your fate the minute you were bound to your husband — a Targaryen man with a temper as hot as coals. Though you have never been on the receiving end of his murderous wrath, you were no stranger to his sharp tongue and hasty decisions. Aemond was clouded by his loyalty to his family and the crown, and in the end, it would surely be the thing that would kill him.

A reoccurring dream would appear behind your lids on eves such as this, when the night grew colder and the violence you had grown accustomed to faded with the crickets' songs, becoming a solemn lullaby. Most nights, you’d have no qualms, resting your mind once you were cradled in the arms of your lover. But this night, sleep had yet to find you, and without Aemond’s presence looming over, scarpering was as easy as taking a breath.

A light wind swept through the air, ruffling the already creased fabric of your nightgown even further as you stared at the face carved into the tree, corners of your lips downturned in a slight frown. By now, you had committed every single piece of chipped wood to memory, eyes growing watery and skin bumpy with gooseflesh the longer you stood atop dead leaves, hearing them crunch beneath the soles of your feet as you shuffled somewhat.

Perhaps you were waiting for a beam of lighting to strike down upon you, to scorch your insides and eviscerate every single cell in your body until you become one with the earth. Either that or whisked away into the air. As of now, you had no arguments as to which one would be your fate.

Cold had nipped at the pads of your toes, a sure sign that it was time to retire to your chambers and retreat underneath the comfort of your sheets. Yet, no matter how tempting that fleeting thought was, it felt as if you were cemented to your spot, slightly swaying in place to get rid of the chill.

“What are you doing out here alone?” His voice made your spine stiffen, teeth gritting together at the low, patient tone of his voice. The clatter of his shoes reverberated throughout your ears, turning light as he joined you on the grass, shoulder nearly pressed against the left side of your back. 

Aemond’s lingering presence brought you some sort of comfort, even if it was just a ghost of a touch covered by clothing, and you found yourself longing to be in his arms. Ultimately, you kept your distance, fingers numb as you tried flexing them at your sides.

“I received a raven earlier in the evening,” your murmur came quickly, lips barely moving as your gaze blurred slightly, eyes glistening with a sheen of unshed tears. Although he does not answer, you can feel his violet eye cautiously peering at the side of your face, lips slightly pointed downward. 

“Grandfather is ill. Elmo will be lord soon.” 

Not a crease embedded itself in the muscles of his face as he continued to stare — only for a second longer before averting his eye to the weirwood tree. “We’ll make him see reas-”

Shaking your head, you finally cocked it in his direction, crossing your arms over your chest to self-soothe as you took in the sharp angles of his face shadowed by the moon.

 “He is still keeping our house banners in Riverrun. I know Elmo well enough to know he has already chosen. He’s always looked at Rhaenyra as the sole heir to the Iron Throne, and when grandfather takes his last breath, he’ll surely pledge allegiance to the Blacks.”

Your elder brother was stubborn. His skull was as thick as the fattest lords in all of Westeros, and even if it was indeed your grandfather’s dying wish to join the Greens in this war, Elmo would rather take a blade to the skin of his own throat than obey. Perhaps, that was one of the many reasons why you did not get along as well as siblings should have. Where you were meek, he was bold. Where you were sharp and quick-witted, he was dull and slow-minded. Choosing opposite sides when it came to the facet of war, of life and death, further broke a bond that was already weakly stitched together. 

Deep within, you were confident your words would fall on deaf ears, and Aemond would eventually take to the skies with Vhagar, only to find himself in Riverrun and surprise Elmo Tully with an unwanted and unexpected visit. He was married to you after all. What good of a husband would he be if not to check on the wellbeing of your kin?

Aemond sighed, momentarily closing his eye before turning his body to face you, hands snaking up to circle your forearm. “You should be resting. The maester requested that you not walk much.” 

Huffing, you swat him away, practically ripping your hand from his grasp before turning sharply on your heels. “I just need a minute, Aemond, please. I do all you ask of me, just grant me this.” 

Salt-ridden were your tears as they cascaded down your chin, dripping onto the linen of your nightgown when you clutched your swollen belly, anxiety rumbling with your little one. A throat full of sand and a broken heart was what you carried when he nodded reluctantly, taking small steps toward you until his arms snaked around your hips, coming to rest at your stomach.

He smelled of dragon; the faint scent of rose and citrus from his earlier bath still clinging to his clothing just as you are, the back of your head pressed to his chest. You focus on the low thrum of his heart, the stiffness of his body as he hums lowly.

“He spoke to me about your dreams as well.” 

Blinking, you press your lips together thinly before responding. “Now I’ll refuse to utter a word to him.” 

“Hm, yes, I would rather my wife tell her husband what troubles her.” 

“I am worried the babe might be suffering.” 

Aemond’s chest caves below your head, crisp, night air all but knocked out of his lungs at your vague concern. However, he does not move, not even when you crane your neck to stare at his clouded eye as best you can.

“When I finally find rest, blood decorates the sheets. It all starts the same. I reach between my legs and the smell of copper sours in the air, and everything feels wrong.” You shake your head, ridding your mind of such an ugly, yet recurring thought. 

There’s a fearful movement in your fingers as your nails bite into his covered arm, eyes blinking rapidly as you nonsensically continue. “Fire spreads, setting me ablaze and I watch as my flesh burns.”

Aemond says nothing, only pulls you as closely as he can manage, thumb bending to trace shapes over the clothed, stretched skin with his nail. 

“It’s merely the stress, sweetling.” His dismissal has you scoffing, warm breath hitting soundless air, eyes rolling far in their sockets when he continues. “A lot has happened within the past moon, I’m positive it's taking hold.” 

Your hands curl inward under his warm palm, the other moving to clasp over the fingers that itch your skin. “No, Aemond.” 

Foreign to your ears is your voice, laced with annoyance and fearfulness at the darkness consuming you entirely. Even in a state of unconsciousness, you weren’t safe, and as long as this babe grew bigger inside of you, you’d never be. 

Turning in his loose grasp, you clutch at the collar of his tunic, lower lip trembling as his brows furrow in concern. “Then what is it?”

In the short time you’ve come to know Aemond, you’ve always made it your goal to at least try and understand him in ways none could; whether that be through a slow blink of his eye or a quick twitch of lip, his expressions weren’t as concealed as he hoped to keep them. You could tell it peeved him to no end — having someone recognize what emotions were harbored in the center of his heart, unprotected by the rest of his shielding exterior. In truth, it would’ve been all too easy to lie and say he was quite satisfied with the way things currently were. In his mind, what little claim to the throne he had in the palm of his calloused hands amounted to nothing, especially when he had offered to seek out his brother the second word had passed that his father, King Viserys, first of his name, had succumbed to the Stranger. 

It was a striking reminder that anything, and anyone he’s ever held dear in his heart, could wither away before his very eyes. 

Including you.

His wife. The mother of his unborn child. Someone he had sworn his entire life to protect and cherish as if you were a part of him, a missing piece he had the pleasure of rediscovering.

Your revelation had hushed the dragon fire burning in his veins but emboldened the tragedy materializing in his psyche. Aemond Targaryen would never win, and that was something he would not swallow even if it had been poured into a chalice of wine.

“Helaena speaks in riddles, as if her tongue is twisted.” Tugging the pillowed flesh of your bottom lip between your teeth, you wrack the mess that is your brain of how to word your next sentence. “Death amid a storm.” 

It rolls off of your tongue, malice laced between her spoken words that have yet to leave you. Helaena was peculiar — in a sort of way, one would either deem her mad with the words that left her mouth as quickly as they had come. 

Her lavender eyes would fall cloudy, hazed with something unforeseen to anyone else but her, mind miles away, and never in the present.

“The sun rose and fell three times, and what has yet to leave with it, Aemond?”

The man before you can only part his lips, skin creasing in the gap spacing his brows, shaking hands now resting at either side of your waist as his sole eye scans the distress etched in your features. He knows. 

He can smell previous rainfall in the air, inhales it, and lets it repose his lungs with freshness he can only compare to the feeling of your skin against his. 

“The rain.” 

You nod curtly. “Exactly. And with these dreams destroying my sanity, draining the blood from my very being, how can I not believe her words to ring true?” 

The safety you had hoped the weirwood tree would bring, has not reached you, nor will it tonight as he pushes you toward the Red Keep, thin-lipped and jaw tight. “We’ll further discuss this in our chambers.”

Aemond clenches his teeth together; not out of vexation, but out of consternation. He hopes, and prays to the Seven, that everything you uttered was merely due to your worries of the babe’s nearing birth as he guides you up the steps toward one of the many halls. 

And when his lips press against your temple, right hand coming to rest on your swollen belly once again, the clouds continue their crying.

[trivalentlinks]

hi so i recently watched this show Andor (star wars universe) and i know star was is so so so so overdone right now--i was tired of it and i haven't even watched all of the original trilogy--plus i know folks have ethical concerns about disney right now, but i got peer pressured into watching it, and friends, it's so good!

it's only twelve episodes (most of them pretty short) and it takes everything i loved about my favourite star wars film (Rogue One) and turns it up to 11.

My favourite character in all of the Star Wars films (not having seen all of them) was Galen Erso from Rogue One, Jyn Erso's dad, who spent most of his life in an imperial uniform, designing weapons for a regime he hated, surviving only on the flicker of a hope that he could slip in a vulnerability in the Death Star that might have a chance of making a difference.

Galen Erso, who died not knowing that years later, that vulnerability he slipped in would turn the tide of the rebellion. Who died with no way of knowing that that all those decades he sacrificed actually made a difference.

But Galen Erso only had like 3 minutes of screentime in all of Star Wars if that (and isn't that on brand for a trivalent's favourite lol),

Meanwhile Andor is about people like this

Not just cool, charistmatic ones like Galen Erso, but angry ones, abrasive ones, awkward ones, scared ones, scared ones, scared ones, most of them scared honestly, some of them barely hanging on by a thread, but choosing to fight against oppression anyway

I came out of Rogue One thinking, "man they should make a movie about Galen Erso". Well, Andor is basically that and more! (It also has a heist! And a prison break, which is kind of like a heist!)

[very mild spoilers below cut]

Fighting oppression, too, not as part of any organized rebellion, but in your own ways, both big and small

from banging a metal bar to warn your fellow townspeople that imperial/corporate soldiers were out and about,

to instigating and directing an entire prison break knowing full well that there's no chance you yourself would make it out, but some of the prisoners working under you on the prison factory floor (whom you've spent years making sure not to get to know!) just might make it out

to gathering thousands of townspeople to a beloved local woman's funeral when the government was very explicit about only allowing forty

to leading an entire double life embedded deep within the empire, until you're really high up but that only means you're even more scared shitless because your wife just had a baby and every day you're putting them both at risk

Just, augh, please watch this, pirate it, anything, but I need someone to talk to about this show

[eyesteeth]

assorted thoughts on the phone-call duo

i want to talk about some thoughts i've had since i finished S2 - the potential future dynamic between shrue and faulkner.

neither of them want their higher powers to have the withermark. shrue does not want to take it, and faulkner does not want to give it. even in their new political position, shrue is still against the war and against the withermark. similarly, even in his new position within the parish, faulkner is against his god being legalized and against the withermark being used.

however, both of them have a lot of external pressure. it is expected from both of them that this deal will go down, the withermark will be given and the trawler-man will become legal, and the withermark will be taken and a new weapon will help turn the tides of war.

then, as for internal pressure, both of them are scared. "we'd never do that to one of our own" is very obviously a lie in this dog-eat-dog (or god-eat-god, if you will) world. if you don't do what the powers that be want, no matter how much power you've managed to claw fro yourself, you are just meat - something that could be sacrificed or sainted for the needs of someone else. if you don't conform, you will be killed, so it is always in your best interest to play along.

so i think faulkner and shrue should have a summit. just the two of them. things won't work out - it's far too early in the season for them to (unless val comes in to say it never worked out two episodes later) - but they may come to a shaky mutual understanding.

shaken hands, crossed fingers behind each back. go back to your gods and your masters and point at the other and say "they had an issue, they dragged their heels". make it a competition for the Olympics, two bodies sat at the starting line. hope no one comes by to check. buy time until the end.

or maybe that's too nice, even with the mutual danger of being found out. maybe they're both supervised to make sure it actually goes through, and it's only when the hands shake do they see each other and go "ah, you're in the same boat as i". maybe val supervises and fucks everything up. val could do a lot of things.

i just think it'd be very interesting if shrue and faulkner could speak candidly with each other, and maybe have some self recognition through the other. maybe when shrue gets kidnapped by hayward's team, faulkner will be near.

maybe both of them should call their family again.

[apricuscity]

Mayor Lowell Presents: The Might Of The Empire.

“Hello everyone! I know it’s been a bit but after my break I’m back and ready to go! We’ve got a super interesting presentation tonight so grab yourself a snack, and settle in. I’m Mayor Lowell, and this is “Mayor Lowell Presents”!”

“So you might be asking, what is the might of the empire? Well it’s a term folks used to describe a certain type of warrior but we’ll get to that momentarily. First let’s take a look back. The Daybreak Revolution was ramping up, more awakeners were joining the ranks. The Empire had yet to get desperate enough to unleash Project Chimera. It had other plans at first.”

“See the empire didn’t have a lot of awakeners to combat the revolution. What it did have was a great deal of resources, and technology. You know all about Project Umbra. Well this was a bit different. The empire sought out it’s most loyal, and strongest soldiers. These soldiers were offered a special kind of training as well as some very experimental technology.”

“When I tell you that not many survived the entire ordeal..well that’s putting it lightly. Yes the empire was so willing to do whatever was necessary to win that they were fine with sacrificing their most loyal troops. Then again, those troops likely saw it as an honor.”

“The ones that survived..well they became a force to be reckoned with. Able to mow down rebel troops and stand against some particularly strong awakeners. They had specially created armor, and weapons designed to combat any who stood against the empire.”

“Unfortunately even these troops weren’t enough to turn the tide. Perhaps it was the lack of survivors, perhaps it was because they started the project too late, perhaps the empire simply panicked and went straight to the chimeras as opposed to give the enhanced troops more of a chance. We’ll never know.”

“When they were being phased out several of them broke off and formed splinter groups. A portion stayed with the empire until the end, some defected and joined the rebellion, some simply went off on their own. The different factions took different names, painted their armors differently, gained more identity than they once had.”

“Oh, I should mention that it wasn’t just men. The project had it’s fair share of women volunteer as well. In fact the records show a few instances of all women groups splitting off.”

“After the war was over, several of the groups vanished. The ones loyal to the rebellion were recruited by the PWSB. The Bureau was able to recreate the armor, and the weapons but wasn’t exactly willing to continue the physical modifications the empire used. It’s always rumored that later on there might have been attempts but it’s likely just that, rumors.”

“The armor was in use for quite a while, it was particularly useful for troops being sent into harsh conditions such as jungle filled islands. The Bureau eventually moved on from the bulky armor types though a few individuals still preferred it.”

“Most of the records regarding the original project are considered highly classified. In fact everything I’ve told you in this presentation is likely all the information you’re going to find anywhere else. What happened to some of the splinter groups who left after the war? We may never know.”

“I hope you’ve enjoyed learning a little more about the lengths the empire was willing to go to near it’s end. Have a good night everyone. I’m Mayor Lowell, and this has been “Mayor Lowell Presents”!”

[fandomchill]

Indeed. Rage against the world but know that it is what you do with the time you have that matters.

Personally my life has been filled with “such times”. Aside from my own personal struggles, my life has also seen many unprecedented events. The towers falling, the war after both at home and abroad, the rise of school shootings, two full on economic crisis points,the pandemic, and so many more changes.

Each one rocked the world, and contributed a lot to the fact that my life has been one desperate month to the next for many years. It’s been slowly getting better, but never fully. And if I’m honest it will likely never be fully right.

Yet in this time I’ve had to learn that as much as this angers me, as much as I want to cry , there are exactly two things I can control

1)myself

2) what’s I put my energy.

I cannot make the world change by burning myself out being angry at every single thing that bothers me.

I can take clear, concrete steps to change the world around me.

By recognizing that some things are outside of my control, outside of my experiences or that I’ve not got a plan I can execute properly, I can limit burnout and collective truama (which is a thing) and allow myself to seek help, rethink my strategy, or prompt those who can do better than I in a situation to do so.

In return this keeps me fresh for things I can do, along with practicing self care.

Recognizing your limiting factors and working with them, as opposed to ignoring them produces better results. You are no good to the causes that make your passion for helping burn if tou yourself cannot be totally present.

So Gandalf is wise here, you must choose how and when you fight against the tide, balancing with living a life that is good and nurturing to you. This rest and growth for you will in turn allow you to help others up.

And remember Frodo didn’t save the world through his actions alone.

He resisted temptation and sacrificed much indeed, but he was never alone. Sam was with him to the end and though the fellowship was not there in the flesh they kept fighting to make sure the world was there to be saved. They all played a small part, but never more than they could handle. And each part clicked together to make sure that when the deed was done they could return home and rest.

They choose what they would do with their time given.

[monsterywriting]

Alkgan (orc) - part 1

prologue | next part | masterlist

word count: 4.4k

You watched the sun hang just above the tree line from the window of your quarters, the sky washed with an orange hue that made the light a bit more bearable as you watched the clouds turn from pink to periwinkle and finally lavender. It was finally sundown, and you would soon be married off.

You turned away once the servants called you, already dressed in your gown and ceremonial veil in your hand. Putting on the garment and allowing yourself to be led out, you could only see your own feet as you were taken through the halls to the location the ceremony would take place—and where the guests and you husband to be already waited for your arrival.

Despite staking your claim on the marriage in front of of your father in a brave display, in actuality the trepidation you felt for the impending nuptials had only increased once you were alone. All too soon, the servants’ hands left you and you heard the heavy creaking of wooden doors opening in front of you, a sudden hush descending on the room as you were revealed. It took a firm push on the small of your back to spur you forward, slowly moving one foot in front of the other with you eyes glued to the small strip of visible floor in front of you.

After what felt like eternity, you saw the shadow of feet in front of you, the hair on the back of your neck standing up as you felt the presence of someone in front of you. You stepped around them and pivoted to face the wearer, blood rushing in your ears so loudly you could hardly hear the officiant speaking.

Your focus was squarely on the very edge of the soles in front of you, trying to imagine what the man in front of you looked like before the veil was lifted and the ceremony truly began. There weren’t many human kingdoms that bordered the Cerusis empire that didn’t have an alliance with one side or the other, and less that could provide the military help needed to turn the tide of the war. But that still left four possible kingdoms, and countless potential nobles that could be before you now. And what if he wasn’t human?

Actually, you struck that thought from your head. The elves, despite their beauty, were far too proud to marry a human, the dwarves already declared themselves neutral in the conflict and you had yet to see anyone catch a fae long enough to come to any sort of agreement. In the end, you couldn’t think of any one kingdom or individual that would warrant the tightlippedness of your parents, none that would make you non-compliant.

Suddenly, large hands pressed on either side of your temple and moved the headpiece upward, the veil finally lifted from your view.

You nearly balked when you looked up to see a giant orc staring down at you, but managed to rein in your terror and meet his eyes with your chin up—though, you had little choice but to turn your face upward as he towered over you. So this was why your father refused to tell you anything. No one in their right mind would walk down that aisle—no, not even get on the carriage to arrive—with an orc on the other end. The only thing keeping you rooted in your spot was the bold words exchanged with your father earlier, glad you had the foresight not to promise anything beyond just that.

Orcs certainly had the manpower and military prowess to completely change the course of the war back into Dumir’s favor, and you were just one of a dozen children to be sacrificed for the good of the kingdom—their lifestyle, more like, your mind bitterly corrected.

You filtered out the droning voice of the officiant, speaking when prompted but primarily studying the orc His skin was not a single solid shade of green, mottled like the equivalent of a human with vitiligo. You wondered if his selection had been for your benefit, his markings distinctive enough for you to be able to tell him apart from the others of his species once you left to his home for the second ceremony. You would then be truly alone, with no clue about their culture or society. You didn’t even know how orcs got married.

You couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was thinking, if anything at all, about you. His expression was completely unreadable to you, a human and certainly no warrior. His expression could be completely neutral or immensely displeased. You, on the other hand, felt that you couldn’t get a handle on your own emotions or mind, still working to reach some sort of acceptance through understanding.

Another eternity passed and the ceremony was finally declared complete—your mind hurtling to the precipice of hysteria as you questioned if you were the only person out of the loop, certain everyone in the audience was secretly laughing at your fate. You took your new husband’s hand and walked back down the aisle towards the exit, knocked back down to reality as everyone rose and clapped.

To your right was the king and queen of Dumir and their children. Behind them, your family, unsurprised that all were in attendance besides the children and that your mother the only one who dared to look at you, tears streaming down her face as her eyes met yours. Perhaps your father had been correct in some aspects of his assessment of you; you felt nothing as you looked at them all and knew you would never see them again. But you doubted it was an emotional defect on your part; there was plenty you would miss of Dumir. Let’s see—friends. There were plenty of noblewomen your age you spent time with. Well, before they married, though you recall their visits decreasing in frequency before then… That was a bad example. It was better this way; better to look forward rather than dwell on what you no longer had.

Your attention moved on from them, head turning to your left to behold the most orcs you’d seen in your lifetime. They had been surprisingly quiet during the ceremony, considering everything you were told of their behavior, though you supposed you would be disquieted as well taking part in a foreign ceremony, especially one that had such sweeping ramifications for both kingdoms’ futures.

The exit was clearly marked now, a simple matter of following the signs through the hallways. You had to take two steps to keep up with only one of his, and you got the sense he was walking slowly for your benefit. Eventually stepping out the main door and into the night, there was a carriage already awaiting you. You didn’t stop, nearly yanked back when the orc remained still, your hands still tethering you together.

“This way,” you said awkwardly, pointing to the carriage and grateful when he started moving again after his eyes followed you finger.

As you approached the carriage, he let go of your hand and climbed inside, leaving you to climb up on your own without any aid.

Neither one of you spoke for the duration of the ride, the horses’ hooves beating against the road the only audible sound in the cabin. This carriage had no windows, making your destination an even bigger mystery than the wedding venue. All you knew for certain was that wherever it was, it would be where you would spend the night and… consummate the marriage.

The thought made heat rise to your cheeks as you looked out the corner of your eye to the orc on the opposite bench. He was wearing Dumirian vestments, you realized, wondering if that meant you would be wearing their clothing once you arrived at his home, which naturally led you to think about the issue of the language barrier between you.

Perhaps you didn’t need to understand each other to get married, or even participate in your wedding night, but the rest of your life would be exceedingly if you had no means of communicating with him.

The carriage slowed to a stop, and the orc did not wait for the attendant to open the door to exit. The servants quickly bowed, unprepared for the sudden appearance.

“I want dinner ready in one hour; and bring our things to our quarters. And draw a bath,” you snipped out your orders, walking ahead without waiting and leaving the servants to scramble to meet your demands, one maid leading you to where you needed to go.

Dinner went about as you expected: silent and uncomfortable. The orc—your husband, you reminded yourself to call him—was already seated when you came down from your quarters, plates of food already set in front of him and at various stages of consumption. The two of you were the only guests inside the manor, and thus sat alone at a table meant to seat twenty, staring each other down from across the long stretch of wood.

“Just dessert for me tonight, Claudette,” you said, waving away the plates set in front of you. You had asked the maid her name as she bathed you. Clearly, there was no need for decorum, as there was no one present who would appreciate your adherence to social hierarchy.

“Of course Miss- Mrs- Erm, mistress,” Claudette blundered through the sentence, red in the face and the plates clinking together as she quickly cleared them and scurried off to the kitchens.

Not a single servant had yet to meet your eyes since you arrived, and you didn’t have it within you to reprimand them, their reason obvious. A Dumirian noblewoman, married to an orc raider. You would be a laughingstock at the next dinner party—an unbearable thought if you wouldn’t be too busy skinning cave bears or steering a covered wagon to worry about what was going on back home. No matter that the orcs will undoubtedly turn the tide of the war to ensure they could continue to even have such lavish parties and continue their little popularity mind games.

There was little you knew about the details of orc society, only aware of the basics about their society as a federation of different tribes from your lessons with tutors, with all the human biases instilled in you about their nomadic lifestyles. You knew there was no king or nobility, their leaders chosen solely on successes in battle rather than lineage or finances.

You had no idea what he knew of Dumirian customs or about what came next in the wedding night—though you supposed that was universal across cultures. You didn’t even know how it all would work, tonight or beyond, unable to speak or understand orcish.

You were unused to a quiet dinner table, your home filled with chatter at suppertime—mostly your mother’s. You felt an annoying urge to break the silence yourself, an unfortunate biological fault, you guessed, one you could simply ignore.

Claudette returned with a miniature cake, gold leaf and raspberries set on the dark chocolate. Another attendant walked in behind her with a second, stopping next to your husband. You hope repeating the title will make it come easier.

“No, thank you, I’m done,” He said, lifting his palm to turn down the offered plate.

Your spoon slipped from your limp grasp onto the plate, slack-jawed and staring across the table in disbelief. Common. That was definitely common that came out of his mouth.

“You speak common?” Your voice didn’t sound like your own, embarrassed that you hadn’t even asked the simple question before assuming he only spoke orcish. Of course the tribal leaders would select someone who at least spoke common. It seemed so obvious now, for all the wheels in your mind that had been turning since you first saw him.

“Yes,” he said, then nothing else

Determined not to be cowed into silence so soon after establishing communication, and still looking for answers your own parents had refused you, you waved for Claudette to take your plate and dismissed the attendants, which gave you ample time to decide which of your questions would be first.

“What is your name?” You asked.

“You don’t know?” He asked with a tilt of his head. You weren’t sure if he was truly perplexed or making fun of you, his expressions still a mystery to you, but you didn’t appreciate your question being answered with another.

“No; do you know mine?” You asked as pleasantly as you could manage.

“Of course,” he said, telling you your name without hesitation. “Do you truly not know my name?”

“I know only that today was the day I was to be married; I was given no further details,” you said, somewhat resentful of the fact that he knew more than you, your fear of being truly alone being kept in the dark realized.

“My name is Alkgan,” he answered after a brief pause, “if you did not know my name, why did you agree to get married?”

“Are you aware of the nature of this marriage, Alkgan?” It finally dawned on you that there was a glaringly obvious cultural difference between you; only human nobility carefully curated marriages between its members solely for political gain. For him, it was in all likelihood unheard of for compatibility to be the last consideration in a union, or for the two parties to spend their engagement coming to terms with their inevitable nuptials.

“It is a political marriage. For an alliance against the Cerusis Empire.”

You hummed in agreement with his condensed explanation of complex geopolitical conflicts. You wondered if Alkgan had been informed of the political aspect of the marriage as well or if he was forced to come to the conclusion as you had.

“In Dumir, such marriages are often made between families- and not necessarily with the knowledge of those involved.”

Alkgan was silent as he absorbed the information, nodding slowly as he brought his hand up to rub his jaw.

“That seems barbaric.”

You let out a sharp bark of laughter, covering your mouth the moment the offending sound escaped you, glad there was no one else in the room to witness, even if it had probably been loud enough to be heard by any listening ears outside the door. It was a night for the strange, and an orc telling you your kingdom’s ways were backwards certainly fit the bill—though you couldn’t deny his point in your humble opinion as the one subjected to the ‘barbarity’.

“It is the duty of the child to see the agreement through- as perhaps you felt when you agreed,” you countered. Obviously, you didn’t mention your own objections or feelings on the subject in your explanation, seeing no point in driving any wedge between you at this point.

“I suppose you’re right,” Alkgan sighed, “There is no saying ‘no’ to the high council.”

“Besides, in normal circumstances, the period of engagement is usually much longer than a week. Though I’m sure the war-”

“Wait,” he stopped you, and when you fell silent, questioned, “A week?”

“Yes; I was informed a week ago of the wedding during the arrangements,” you said, inwardly reveling at how indignant Alkgan sounded on your behalf.

You had one final question, though Alkgan still seemed stuck on the fact that the marriage was sprung on you so suddenly, so you decided to give your own answer first.

“In my opinion- what’s done is done. I gave my vows with the full intention of abiding by them. However, I understand your kind has different means of selecting… mates. And I do not match that description. I’ve never raised my hand against another, nor did I earn my station in life. If this is unsatisfactory for you, we can reach- if not understanding- an arrangement. It is not unheard of to have a few… outlets in such a pairing.”

Once it registered to Alkgan what you were insinuating, he shook his head emphatically, “I said my vows sincerely as well. And, actually, when I removed your veil, I was satisfied with your character. The look in your eyes was enough to convince me.”

“Really?” You blinked slowly, the admission unexpected. Your initial reaction was that it must have been a lie designed to make you feel better, but upon further reflection you realized you perhaps hadn’t reined in your expression as well as you thought, still angry with your father and definitely had been glaring underneath your veil.

“Yes; you looked so determined, I dared not even think about any second thoughts about the marriage.”

It took you a moment to realize he was teasing, feeling guilty that your wrath had at least partially been directed at him, but once you did your mouth split open in a grin.

“Where did you learn common?” You asked once the threat of laughter passed, taking another bite of your cake.

“My father taught my sister and I,” Alkgan said, apparently growing more comfortable speaking with you, “though I didn’t get much practice until recently.”

“With the wedding?”

“No- I had an excursion to Dumir before now. About a year ago now. We traveled with a group from the village of Ozryn. In fact, I believe you would have done well among them.”

“Me? A peasant?” This was dangerous. The more you spoke with Alkgan the more you felt like laughing. Beyond being unsightly, you were amused by him—charmed, even.

It was an insult on the lips of any other, but from Alkgan it was the most genuine compliment you’ve received; definitely leagues better than the countless comparisons of your talents to your sisters, or the worth of your abilities in meeting the needs of others.

“What now?” Alkgan asked after a brief silence.

You called Claudette to clear your plate, mulling over your options. With how appalled Alkgan was at your situation, you were certain he wouldn’t object if requested separate sleeping quarters. However…

“I think we should forget all this serious talk and celebrate. We got married today. Claudette, bring us the best bottle from the cellar.”

“Right away, mistress,” Claudette bowed, rushing back out the room to complete your order.

When she returned with a bottle of wine and glasses, you quickly took them and dismissed her for the final time, asking she inform the rest of the servants the main house was to be undisturbed for the remainder of the night. Once she was gone, you walked out to the sitting room with your drinking supplies, hearing Alkgan rise to follow you without having to look back.

Without fear of any servants walking in on you, you forcibly pulled the cork from the bottle with a satisfying pop. Not even bothering to pour the wine into a glass, you tilted the bottle up to your lips and drank heartily.

Lowering the bottle, you handed it to Alkgan, who hesitated before downing over a third of the wine. It had not been purposefully—he had taken only a single gulp before handing the bottle back to you—but it served as a stark reminder of the sheer difference in size between your two species. You should have taken that difference into account when you first asked, but with all the servants already gone it was too late to request another bottle.

You drank as much as you could handle in one go before passing it back to Alkgan. The final few drops landed on your outstretched tongue once the bottle was back in your possession, unable to drink nearly as much as you had hoped, feeling only slightly warmer than normal.

Alkgan had yet to sit down, not meeting your gaze despite your insistent stare as he looked around the room at everything but you.

“This is a guest house owned by the first noble family. It appears our marriage is looked down upon favorably in high places,” you said, knowing Alkgan had no genuine interest but hoping to dispel with the pretense. When this failed to draw his attention, you stood and placed your hand on his arm, gently pulling him back to sit next to you before repeating the question Alkgan had posed earlier, “What now?”

“I could sleep in separate quarters, if you’d like… there are plenty of rooms,” Alkgan immediately offered, almost exactly as you had imagined.

“I thought tonight could be spent more productively; get to know each other intimately,” you bit back a smile as Alkgan started at your wording. You wondered for a moment if orcs flushed green, or if their blood was red like humans’. It was impossible to tell in the candlelight.

“I didn’t think- As it was not your choice- that you would want to… tonight,” Alkgan trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

“If you are referring to the wedding night, sex is merely pleasure to me,” you said, unable to keep the teasing tone from your voice as you continued, “But I only meant that we could talk now, while we have some leisure time before we begin the long journey to the orc lands.”

Your provocation had merely been a way to ascertain if Alkgan had been told the marriage would only be considered legitimate once consummated. Though the wedding night was only a single item on the long list of qualifying factors, it was widely considered the first step.

Had you been a bit more respecting of tradition, you too might have felt the same. Your words of assurance had been true; you could imagine the advantages of having an orc lover in detail, and it would certainly be a pleasure. For the time being, however, you did not want Alkgan to feel pressured to rush into sleeping with a practical stranger, no matter what knowledge he had of you beforehand.

“I was not expecting you to talk so openly about… sex,” Alkgan admitted after a moment about as bashfully as an orc double your size could be, but he seemed to relax with your silent assurance that the night need not go any further should he wish it.

“And I was not aware orc sensibilities were so conservative,” you retorted lightheartedly.

“We are not, generally,” Alkgan said, “It’s just… the humans I’ve met tended to be. And I was told nobility were more so on such… subjects.”

“Generally,” you agreed, “But that does not stop such ‘subjects’ from being performed in private. And as for my forwardness… I am simply an outlier. The usual modesty of Dumirian nobles has clearly failed to be instilled in me; I like to think of it as the advantage of being the last child.”

Alkgan said nothing for a moment as he considered what you said. From your short study of him, it was something he did often; biding his time, considering his words. So you waited patiently, unsurprised when he finally spoke again, “How many siblings do you have?”

“Eleven,” you answered, not expecting the horrified look he gave you. He had mentioned a sister, but surely that couldn’t have possibly been all. You had assumed orcs would have at least as many children as well, their numbers large for a civilization of warriors, “How many do you have?”

“One! My older sister,” he said, “Twelve children… the group of humans we met, there was twelve of them.”

You frowned as Alkgan shuddered, unable to imagine having only a single sibling. Of course, you were too young to remember a time when you all lived under the same roof, and the age gaps had been substantial, but you knew they existed, somewhere, living their lives.

“Were your parents unsatisfied with their union?” You asked with a tilt of your head, and Alkgan appeared confused for a moment.

“No- it’s just that it would be a logistical nightmare for each family to move a lot of children at once in caravan,” Alkgan explained.

“Ah, then orcs utilize contraceptives after marriage,” you said, amazed. The prospect of procreation and undergoing the entire ordeal of childbirth as often as your mother had hardly appealed to you. Though virtues were never as closely guarded in Dumir as the unmarried's in other kingdoms, it was understood that once married, the act was to be productive.

“I would prefer not to go into any more detail on the topic of parents and procreation,” Alkgan said weakly and you acquiesced. Your goal was to make him more comfortable, not scar him for life.

“What about you, then; your life?” You asked, “We leave tomorrow for your home.”

Alkgan looked away, and you worried you had made matters worse, realizing only after the question was asked that it may have been an insensitive one. For all you knew, Alkgan already had someone he loved before he was called upon to marry you—probably an orc, definitely a warrior. Or, even if he had no one waiting for him, he could finally be struck by the fact that he was married, and would be returning home with you.

Unlike you, Alkgan had not spent his entire life surrounded by arranged marriages. Even “love” marriages amongst nobles were carefully orchestrated; the children of families on friendly terms, for instance, growing up and falling in love with each other as though they were not pushed into proposals by their parents. You saw arrangements and marriage as one and the same—normal, if inconvenient, and always within the realm of possibility as your own fate. Your objections had not been the rejection of something unnatural that went against your your upbringing or values. Clearly, your interactions with Alkgan would require a gentler hand in opening his heart to you.

“I became chief a year ago,” Alkgan spoke just as you were about to apologize and change the subject, “My caravan has a little over twenty families. They remained at a stronghold near the border. We will meet them there and continue on to the winter dwellings.”

“Well,” you said as you stood, “I, for one, was not satisfied with the wine. I’m sure we can find something stronger in the cellar.”

“Do you know where it is?” Alkgan asked as he rose and followed you towards the door.

“No,” you said with a cheerful smile, kicking off your shoes and taking off down the carpeted corridor with Alkgan calling after you.

[heliads]

Over the Edge

Based on this request: “One shot of reader getting shot and hides from everybody including Wanda. She ignores it and continues to fight sword agents. At the end reader faint due to the injuries she has and Wanda take him and goes to the cabin where she cries.”

masterlist

You feel as if you’re standing on a precipice. One push, one shove, and you’ll be falling down, beyond the reach of anyone save a dark-winged angel.

You’ve always known that there will come a moment in time when your life will end. An injury, a sickness. A battle, maybe. You could sense that something would stop you from living life until the last- old age may be a guarantee to some, but to you, it was a privilege that you would never attain. No, you would die a moment too soon, a time before all others.

You had a certain affinity for seeing into the future. Your gift was frustratingly vague, always coming when you least wanted or expected it and never showing the final result. Your death was one of the first things you had ever seen. It was fitting, in a way: your birth of power was used to show how you would die. You would be alone, maybe. Whatever it was, it would be before you got the chance to grow old.

Ever since you’d gotten that first vision, witnessed the horrible sensation of something utterly wrong happening to snuff out your last breath, it was as if you’d been haunted by the promise of what would happen. You always checked behind you for someone watching your back, for an attacker or accident that could fulfill your vision. For a while, you were safe in the knowledge that your death wouldn’t be coming for a while as you had visions involving a future you, but you have no idea when those would run out, spelling the end for you.

The Avengers had come for you after the rumors spread. They always seemed to show up for cases like yours, cropping up like flies before the bodies can rot on a battlefield. This time, you’d predicted something too well: an attack on S.H.I.E.L.D. in the form of a HYDRA mole. You had seen the entire organization crumble as friend turned on friend, and no one had believed you.

Your family and friends had laughed. HYDRA? Shield? Girl, you’re stuck in fairy tales and ghost stories. Then it happened, the Triskelion falling flame to fiery explosions. Suddenly, your freak hallucinations weren’t quite so funny after all.

Representatives of the Avengers had shown up after that. No one knows about S.H.I.E.L.D. until after they come, that’s the way it always is. Yet you had known, and you would have to explain it all. You were sure that they would kill you for knowing, and that’s how your abrupt death would begin. However, you weren’t to be granted that reprieve of life just yet- when they offered a gun, it wasn’t a barrel pointed at you but a handle offered to you. A job, not a death sentence.

You took it. Of course you did. There is no way to politely turn down an organization with that much power, with that many members willing and able to dole out death like a greeting card. You had agreed, taking the job, and flowing along with the tide wherever it took you. No matter where you went, though, no matter how many prophecies you made, you always kept returning to the precipice. Somewhere, somehow, you would die. Did anything before that really matter?

The knowledge haunts you. It is hard to avoid. You might have saved yourself from certain death by taking up the Avengers’ offer, but by starting down that line of work, you might have damned yourself even more. Death threats and violent confrontations were a cup of coffee in the mornings with the Avengers, and by involving yourself with them, you increased the amount of times you could die. Sometimes, you wished you had never spoken those words allowed, never made the prophecy so they wouldn’t have found you.

Then you met Wanda Maximoff, and that was when you realized it might have all been worthwhile after all. She was like you- fleeing death, doing her best to do it on her own times. She practically sang with the tune of the dying, of her city and parents and brother. People tended to avoid you, afraid that you would see their end and they’d have to live with it just like you. Wanda, on the other hand, was not afraid. She’d seen enough death to know that you were no harbinger, just a Cassandra born to speak aloud. Why fear the speaker if you’ve seen enough of the stories?

The two of you stayed together. She woke up screaming on nights when the air was cold and the sights reminded her of all the damage she’d lived through. You didn’t want to speak for days at a time, when you’d had another vision and were horrified by what would come to be. No matter what happened to either of you, you’d always be by each other’s side.

It was good for a time. Maybe too good. Maybe you should have known then, that nothing in this world ever stays good for too long. You’d seen enough stories fracture to never place any trust in hope. Yet when you had that vision, seen the Infinity Stones brought together under Thanos’ watch, it had still torn you utterly apart.

You had told the Avengers, been the first call to muster the forces and prepare for war. It didn’t do much in the end. They still fought, bled, and died. Thanos snapped his fingers, and you were one of the first ones to go. Wanda had reached out to you just before you went. She was just a hair too far away. Her outstretched hand was too slow to reach you before you turned to ash and dust. In your last moments, you weren’t afraid at all. You had known it all along, hadn’t you? One last step off the precipice. You had seen it coming for years.

You had expected that to be it, that Thanos’ snap and your resulting death fulfilled your very first prophecy. However, your eyes still opened on the battlefield. From what they told you, it had been five years. You had spent a very long time in the dark, forced to behold hundreds and thousands of prophecies. Your mind felt like it could scream and tear itself apart from all that you had witnessed, yet you kept fighting as they asked. A wind up soldier, dealing out destruction wherever they pointed your weapons.

You knew that the fight wouldn’t end, even after Tony Stark sacrificed his life to save you all. The precipice would still loom. You had found Wanda in the fight, and she had finally wrapped her arms around you and pulled you close. Later, she would tell you that not being able to reach you in time had been one of her greatest regrets. It was one of the first times you had truly been separated in many years. She had never felt more alone as she died, even though it would bring you closer to the same home in the dark.

You had found her after the battle, after the funeral. You had told her in a trembling voice of all that you had seen, the countless prophecies and visions you had witnessed. If the Avengers or S.H.I.E.L.D. knew about them, they would send you down to record everything until your mind ran dark with blood and you went mad. Some of the visions weren’t yours to tell, you knew that, but spies have rarely cared for the price of secrets. By now they would already know that you had seen too much, and already be on the move. You had seen people following you for the past couple of days. It had already begun.

You didn’t know what you thought Wanda would say. You weren’t the mind reader, and you had only seen bare glimpses of what she would do in the future: a rushing wall of red, loud sobs, a house in the mountains. Twin boys. You had no idea what any of it would mean, just that she would continue to live. That alone was enough for you.

Wanda had stayed silent for a minute. You were used to her silence, welcomed it as much as a hearty conversation. At last, she rose, taking your hand to guide you back to the road. We will have a home, she had said, and they shall not hurt us here. When you arrived at Westview, New Jersey, you at last understood. You had seen this very sign when you were dead, and you had seen the scarlet barrier before even as Wanda casts it now. The very scope of her powers is astonishing, but everything was proceeding as it had been foretold. There is nothing you can do to stop the tide of time from flowing, nothing to stop the precipice from drawing ever closer.

When you look around you again, you’re still in Westview. Technically, your feet haven’t moved an inch. But the town itself is different- walls are brighter, people are happier. If you look closely, you can tell that something is wrong. This isn’t the way people are supposed to move, like they’re being jerked around on strings. This isn’t the way time progresses, or the way everyone seems to look at you like they’re screaming for help. This is wrong, horribly so, but it’s so tempting to be safe for once that you can glance away and pretend not to see.

It’s just so good here. So nice. Wanda smiles at you, and you smile back. They cannot hurt you here, cannot reach you. There are no labs or interrogations or people begging for details on your visions. For once, you’re not living in the future, but the present. You haven’t made a prophecy since you came, and your head is blessedly yours. Wanda understands what it is like to be a prisoner of your own powers, and she’s given you a chance to live.

You can tell which people are being manipulated by Wanda’s magic, which people are given scripts and lines to rehearse. You are not among their numbers; Wanda wants you to be you, and that means that you two can have your perfect future. It’s not a prison, it’s a refuge, and that means that you won’t need protection from her.

For the first time, you have the chance to grow old. You have always loved Wanda, and it is so easy here. There are no wars, no guards, no soldiers. You pick wildflowers in the park and present them to her with a flourish, she makes the entire town look like your favorite sitcom so you can practically be living in your favorite reality. You are both fighters who have bled for too long, but for once, you are whole. It’s an opportunity you wouldn’t give up for the world.

When the sky begins to fall, you pretend you don’t see it. You’re silently begging with the future, pleading it not to come. It has never listened to you before, but you can’t help but hope it will stay its hand this once. You see Agnes become Agatha, see the twisting wires of purple magic infiltrate the red. You see S.W.O.R.D. arriving outside the town, and you turn away. Please, you ask, just this once. Let me live this once.

Your pleas are ignored. They send people through the barrier, then armored trucks and weapons. Suddenly, your picture perfect home is shot through with rot, your happy future crumbling away to ash. You try to find Wanda, but she is gone, locked away with Agatha. Everything comes true. The cycle will always turn. You cannot find your love, and you cannot live as you hope.

When it breaks down fully, you know what must happen. So does Wanda. She finds you before she takes down the barrier, holding you in her arms. You can feel her on your hands, breath hot against your cheek. You’ll never stop being on the run from the precipice, from the watchers who want your visions. At least you had this with her. It was worth it, all of it.

The fight begins as they always do. Guns rattle, people cry out in terror. You have seen this scene before in countless different ways and places. However, you’ve taken part in enough battles to know how to continue. Knock out a soldier, take his gun. Keep fighting. Wanda is by your side, lovers staying together once more.

You hear the gunshot from across the town square. Distantly, a voice in the back of your head cries out in relief. This is it, what you’ve seen all along. The bullet hits you a moment later, a piercing pain that seems to shake your very bones. Your hand presses to your stomach, and when you pull it back only a second afterwards, scarlet is already starting to dye your shirt red. You look up, searching for Wanda. She doesn’t know yet. No one does.

Clarity is falling upon you. This is it, at last. The precipice. You stand up, forcing yourself to keep moving. You have always been born to die. At least let your last moments be worth something. S.W.O.R.D. agents fall, but it’s not enough. Will it ever be enough? You don’t have a choice. Wanda is turning to you now, eyes widening as she at last sees the red smear on your side.

When your head hits the pavement, you realize that it’s finally over. The gun falls from your head, clatters to the pavement. Wanda lunges for you, but she arrives too late again. Why is it that she is always one step too far? You don’t have any more visions of yourself, just of her. You’ve always been looking at her. When you die, you have a smile on your face.

Death is not peaceful. It never is for you. Your eyes are forced open by invisible hands, and you watch once more as the future is laid bare for you. I’m dead, you want to shout, stop making me see any more. But the prophecies keep coming. You are the one who sees them, and so you must see the world through. That is how it works.

Wanda, however, is not willing to give you up so easily. You’re not sure what price she paid to put breath back into your lungs and keep your heart beating, but when you wake, you’re in a cabin in the woods. You’ve seen it before, you realize, when you died the first time. This means you’re still alive, and you’ve eluded the precipice once more.

Wanda is leaning over you, relief written in every line of her face. When she sees you look at her again, she starts to sob in earnest. “Don’t ever do that to me again. I can’t take your death.” It is a shame, then, when you know how it ends. For now, though, you manage to crack a smile. “I don’t much enjoy it either.”

Death still weighs upon you, heavy as an anvil. There will come a day when even Wanda’s magic won’t be enough to save you, when love falls through the gaps and you will finally be laid to rest. The precipice still looms, as it always will. But for now, you sit up and take Wanda’s hand. At least when you face that fight, you will have your lover by your side. You can look far enough into the future for that. For now, you can keep on fighting, even when the precipice seems inevitable. You’ve accepted your death, but you would live for her.

marvel tag list: @mycosmicparadise

wanda maximoff tag list: @mionemymind​, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx​

[avatarstories]

izumi’s lessons

“Straighter, Izumi. If the movement is not sharp, you will not be able to control the trajectory of the flame. And, you need to get higher to control the size of the flame. Run through the last part of sequence again, and remember your breath through each form as well,” Azula says analyzing the princess’s moves. Izumi huffs. Azula raises an eyebrow, daring Izumi to talk back. Izumi centers herself with a deep inhale and repeats the movement, first punching downwards with an exhale. Azula smiles ever so slightly when she sees Izumi use the power of the downwards flames to propel herself higher, and with an audible exhale she delivers the final kicking blow with a stronger and more controlled flame. Izumi pauses in the final stance before standing straight to await her aunt’s critiques. 

“Well done, Izumi,” Azula says, with the slightest bit a cheerful lilt in her voice. “Your breathing was excellent, and you were smart to use the first movement to propel yourself. That fluidity as you move between your forms will make your bending more powerful without sacrificing your control.” Izumi smiles at the hint of pride she hears in Azula’s tone. 

Izumi bows shortly, her tiny hands forming a flame in the traditional Fire Nation style. “Thank you, Sifu Azula,” she says as she stands up. 

Azula smiles. “Anytime, Princess Izumi,” she says returning the bow. “You did very well today. We’ll have lots to show your father when he gets back from Republic City.” 

Izumi looked just like her mother, Azula remarks as the princess straightened from her bow, almost as if Izumi was her spirit. Though, Izumi had the molten amber eyes of her father. Azula often looked at Izumi and was taken back to what she wished were innocent memories of playing with her friends, though she knew she had not been innocent since the day her own father realized how talented she was. If only her talent had been her own then as it was now.  She promised herself that as she trained Izumi, she would never take any of Izumi’s natural abilities for herself. She would fiercely protect Izumi’s innocence and independence. Izumi would be girl, not a weapon. She is Azula’s constant exercise in redemption. 

Hana and Riku, two members of the staff arrive with a platter of fruit and glasses of water. Azula takes a glass of water with a polite nod to Riku and Hana. Izumi looks unsure of what fruit to pick. “The apples are especially good today, your highness,” Riku whispers to Izumi. “I made sure to keep them in the cold storage so they would be crisp the way you like them.” Izumi smiles at him and takes a gleaming apple from the platter. When Azula was little, the staff would maintain perfection out of fear, but for Izumi they did it out of love.

“Thank you, Riku,” she says politely. 

Azula watches. Izumi was not like her, she thinks to herself. Izumi was quiet and thoughtful, pensive even, though she had a mischievous streak most likely instilled in her by Kiyi and Iroh. She was not malicious and competitive as Azula had been at her age. If Izumi had a sibling, they’d be friends, unlike her and Zuko had been as children. 

“Azu,” she says swallowing, “Do you know when Aunt Katara is arriving?” 

“I am not sure, Princess. I did not know she was coming,” Azula responds. 

“I overheard one of the staff members saying earlier today that they got orders to set up rooms for Aunt Katara,” Izumi explains. “I hope she’s coming to stay for a long time,” she says taking another bite.  

“Well, she has Bumi and Kya to take care of, so she cannot come as much as she used to,” Azula explains to the princess. A memory from a few years after the war when Katara was staying in the Fire Nation crosses Azula’s mind. 

“I don’t forgive easily” Katara said when she realized Azula was watching her bend the pond water in the moonlight.  “Especially not someone who’s tried to kill two of my best friends.” 

“I would not expect anything else from you,” Azula replied meekly. “I have done nothing to earn your forgiveness, let alone my brother’s.” 

Katara turned at that. Azula looked small, almost frail. She knew Azula had just turned 17, but she looked more like a small child than young woman. 

“Can you control the tides?” Azula asks after a moment. 

Katara pulls the entire pond into a wall of water, suspends it, and then lowers it back into the pond. Azula nods, her question answered. 

“Zuko told me your bending is weak,” Katara says not wanting Azula to just sit and stare at her in silence.

 “Yes, ever since the agni kai… I am not as strong as I used to be,” Azula says. “I can barely produce sparks.” 

“You don’t deserve your element,” Katara says as she turns back to the pond. “If you can’t control your power, then you shouldn’t have it.” 

Azula watches Katara move through stances as fluidly as her element before another question strikes her. “You are a master of your element as I once was. Do you have power like that?” Azula asks. 

“Like what?” Katara responds. 

“One you think you should not have.” 

Katara drops the water she was bending into the pond. “Yes,” she sighs. She turns to look at Azula over her shoulder. “But I don’t use it anymore. I wouldn’t even use it on you, and trust me, I’ve had plenty of reason to.” She turns back to the pond. 

Azula is quiet, pensive. “May I watch you?” she asks after a moment. “Zuko said there’s lessons to be learned from the other elements.” 

“Sure, Azula,” Katara responds somewhat dismissively.  Azula sits on the cool grass and loses track of time as Katara bends in the moonlight. 

“Azu,” Izumi says, pulling Azula out of her memory, “it is true that Aunt Katara used to live here?” 

“Yes,” Azula answers. “She did because she used to be the ambassador from the Southern Water Tribe. And she was here when you were a baby because you were very sick when you were born. Master Katara is one of the best healers in the world,” Azula explains, the image of her brother writhing in pain and convulsing from her lightning on the courtyard floor flashes across her mind’s eye with her words. “Did you overhear if we’ll be having any other guests?” 

“No, I only heard about Aunt Katara,” Izumi responds taking another bite of her apple. “Though hopefully Bumi and Kya come too!” 

“I don’t know, Izumi, I think you’re mischievous enough for all of us. It’ll get a bit crazy with Bumi and Kya running around here too,” Kiyi says as she walks into the courtyard from the entrance behind where Azula and Izumi were standing. 

“Kiyi!!” Izumi shouts excitedly. She drops her apple and runs at a full sprint for her young aunt. She’s nearly knocked over by the little princess. 

“Don’t let her Grace see you acting with such lack of decorum, Zumi,” Kiyi jokes as she rights herself from Izumi’s hug. “Hi Azu,” she greets warmly as Azula walks over to meet them. Kiyi breaks away from Izumi to wrap her older sister in a hug. “But seriously Zumi, don’t get me in trouble with your grandmother, who’s my mother, for teaching you bad manners,” she says over Azula’s shoulder. “I’ll never hear the end of it!” 

“Good to finally see you,” Azula says as she pulls way. 

“Where’s Dad?” Izumi asks looking behind them. “Azu has been training me in a lot of forms and I want to show him what I’ve learned!” 

“He’s still in Republic City, Princess.” Kiyi says knelling down to her level when she sees Izumi’s disappointed pout. “But I can assure you, he is bringing back some wonderful surprises for you. In fact, he sent me back early with one and it is in your bedroom right now.” 

Izumi smiles. She turns to Azula, “May I be dismissed from lessons Sifu Azula?” she asks. 

“Run along, Zumi,” Azula says. Izumi walks excitedly down towards her apartments on the north side of the palace. 

“Excuse me, your highnesses, may I bring you any refreshments, tea perhaps?” Hana asks Azula and Kiyi. 

“In the garden would be lovely,” Kiyi says. “Thank you, Hana.” 

“Yes, thank you Hana,” Azula adds. 

“Of course your highnesses,” Hana says with a bow. “It will be ready shortly.” Hana leaves them to go prepare the tea. 

Kiyi offers an arm to Azula, “Come, let’s go the garden. I’d love to see some flowers. Republic City is so…building-y.” 

“Building-y?” Azula asks jokingly, linking her arm with Kiyi’s. 

“What? It is! You’ve seen it. There’s only one park and it’s not even close to the Fire Nation Embassy!” 

“Cool as you try to be, Zuko’s awkwardness has rubbed off on you,” Azula replies with the same playful tone. 

“Agni, please no,” Kiyi groans. “It took him so long to stop being such a complete dork.” 

Azula laughs, more deeply than she has in a long time, and she is grateful to have a family that can make her do so.

[all-things-are-nothing-to-me]

The New Nihilism

It feels increasingly difficult to tell the difference between—on one hand—being old, sick, and defeated, and—on the other hand—living in a time-&-place that is itself senile, tired, and defeated. Sometimes I think it’s just me—but then I find that some younger, healthier people seem to be undergoing similar sensations of ennui, despair, and impotent anger. Maybe it’s not just me.

A friend of mine attributed the turn to disillusion with “everything”, including old-fashioned radical/activist positions, to disappointment over the present political regime in the US, which was somehow expected to usher in a turn away from the reactionary decades since the 1980s, or even a “progress” toward some sort of democratic socialism. Although I myself didn’t share this optimism (I always assume that anyone who even wants to be President of the US must be a psychopathic murderer) I can see that “youth” suffered a powerful disillusionment at the utter failure of Liberalism to turn the tide against Capitalism Triumphalism. The disillusion gave rise to OCCUPY and the failure of OCCUPY led to a move toward sheer negation.

However I think this merely political analysis of the “new nothing” may be too two-dimensional to do justice to the extent to which all hope of “change” has died under Kognitive Kapital and the technopathocracy. Despite my remnant hippy flower- power sentiments I too feel this “terminal” condition (as Nietzsche called it), which I express by saying, only half-jokingly, that we have at last reached the Future, and that the truly horrible truth of the End of the World is that it doesn’t end.

One big J.G. Ballard/Philip K. Dick shopping mall from now till eternity, basically.

This IS the future—how do you like it so far? Life in the Ruins: not so bad for the bourgeoisie, the loyal servants of the One Percent. Air-conditioned ruins! No Ragnarok, no Rapture, no dramatic closure: just an endless re-run of reality TV cop shows. 2012 has come and gone, and we’re still in debt to some faceless bank, still chained to our screens.

Most people—in order to live at all—seem to need around themselves a penumbra of “illusion” (to quote Nietzsche again):—that the world is just rolling along as usual, some good days some bad, but in essence no different now than in 10000 BC or 1492 AD or next year. Some even need to believe in Progress, that the Future will solve all our problems, and even that life is much better for us now than for (say) people in the 5th century AD. We live longer thanx to Modern Science—of course our extra years are largely spent as “medical objects”—sick and worn out but kept ticking by Machines & Pills that spin huge profits for a few megacorporations & insurance companies. Nation of Struldbugs.

True, we’re suffocating in the mire generated by our rule of sick machines under the Numisphere of Money. At least ten times as much money now exists than it would take to buy the whole world—and yet species are vanishing space itself is vanishing, icecaps melting, air and water grown toxic, culture grown toxic, landscape sacrificed to fracking and megamalls, noise-fascism, etc, etc. But Science will cure all that ills that Science has created—in the Future (in the “long run”, when we’re all dead, as Lord Keynes put it); so meanwhile we’ll carry on consuming the world and shitting it out as waste—because it’s convenient & efficient & profitable to do so, and because we like it.

Well, this is all a bunch of whiney left-liberal cliches, no? Heard it before a million times. Yawn. How boring, how infantile, how useless. Even if it were all true... what can we do about it? If our Anointed Leaders can’t or won’t stop it, who will? God? Satan? The “People”?

All the fashionable “solutions” to the “crisis”, from electronic democracy to revolutionary violence, from locavorism to solar-powered dingbats, from financial market regulation to the General Strike—all of them, however ridiculous or sublime, depend on one preliminary radical change—a seismic shift in human consciousness. Without such a change all the hope of reform is futile. And if such a change were somehow to occur, no “reform” would be necessary. The world would simply change. The whales would be saved. War no more. And so on.

What force could (even in theory) bring about such a shift? Religion? In 6,000 years of organized religion matters have only gotten worse. Psychedelic drugs in the reservoirs? The Mayan calendar? Nostalgia? Terror?

If catastrophic disaster is now inevitable, perhaps the “Survivalist” scenario will ensue, and a few brave millions will create a green utopia in the smoking waste. But won’t Capitalism find a way to profit even from the End of the World? Some would claim that it’s doing so already. The true catastrophe may be the final apotheosis of commodity fetishism.

Let’s assume for the sake of argument that this paradise of power tools and back-up alarms is all we’ve got & all we’re going to get. Capitalism can deal with global warming—it can sell water-wings and disaster insurance. So it’s all over, let’s say—but we’ve still got television & Twitter. Childhood’s End—i.e. the child as ultimate consumer, eager for the brand. Terrorism or home shopping network—take yr pick (democracy means choice).

Since the death of the Historical Movement of the Social in 1989 (last gasp of the hideous “short” XXth century that started in 1914) the only “alternative” to Capitalist Neo-Liberal totalitarianism that seems to have emerged is religious neo-fascism. I understand why someone would want to be a violent fundamentalist bigot—I even sympathize—but just because I feel sorry for lepers doesn’t mean I want to be one.

When I attempt to retain some shreds of my former antipessimism I fantasize that History may not be over, that some sort of Populist Green Social Democracy might yet emerge to challenge the obscene smugness of “Money Interests”—something along the lines of 1970s Scandinavian monarcho-socialism—which in retrospect now looks the most humane form of the State ever to have emerged from the putrid suck-hole of Civilization. (Think of Amsterdam in its heyday.) Of course as an anarchist I’d still have to oppose it—but at least I’d have the luxury of believing that, in such a situation, anarchy might actually stand some chance of success. Even if such a movement were to emerge, however, we can rest damn-well assured it won’t happen in the USA. Or anywhere in the ghost-realm of dead Marxism, either. Maybe Scotland!

It would seem quite pointless to wait around for such a rebirth of the Social. Years ago many radicals gave up all hope of The Revolution, and the few who still adhere to it remind me of religious fanatics. It might be soothing to lapse into such doctrinaire revolutionism, just as it might be soothing to sink into mystical religion—but for me at least both options have lost their savor. Again, I sympathize with those true believers (although not so much when they lapse into authoritarian leftism or fascism)— nevertheless, frankly, I’m too depressed to embrace their Illusions.

If the End-Time scenario sketched above be considered actually true, what alternatives might exist besides suicidal despair? After much thought I’ve come up with three basic strategies.

1) Passive Escapism. Keep your head down, don’t make waves. Capitalism permits all sorts of “lifestyles” (I hate that word)—just pick one & try to enjoy it. You’re even allowed to live as a dirt farmer without electricity & infernal combustion, like a sort of secular Amish refusnik. Well, maybe not. But at least you could flirt with such a life. “Smoke Pot, Eat Chicken, Drink Tea,” as we used to say in the 60s in the Moorish Church of America, our psychedelic cult. Hope they don’t catch you. Fit yourself into some Permitted Category such as Neo-Hippy or even Anabaptist.

2) Active Escapism. In this scenario you attempt to create the optimal conditions for the emergence of Autonomous Zones, whether temporary, periodic or even (semi)permanent. In 1984 when I first coined the term Temporary Autonomous Zone (TAZ)

I envisioned it as a complement to The Revolution—although I was already, to be truthful, tired of waiting for a moment that seemed to have failed in 1968. The TAZ would give a taste or premonition of real liberties: in effect you would attempt to live as if the Revolution had already occurred, so as not to die without ever having experienced “free freedom” (as Rimbaud called it, liberte libre). Create your own pirate utopia.

Of course the TAZ can be as brief & simple as a really good dinner party, but the true autonomist will want to maximize the potential for longer & deeper experiences of authentic lived life. Almost inevitably this will involve crime, so it’s necessary to think like a criminal, not a victim. A “Johnson” as Burroughs used to say—not a “mark”. How else can one live (and live well) without Work. Work, the curse of the thinking class. Wage slavery. If you’re lucky enough to be a successful artist, you can perhaps achieve relative autonomy without breaking any obvious laws (except the laws of good taste, perhaps). Or you could inherit a million. (More than a million would be a curse.) Forget revolutionary morality—the question is, can you afford your taste of freedom? For most of us, crime will be not only a pleasure but a necessity. The old anarcho-Illegalists showed the way: individual expropriation. Getting caught of course spoils the whole thing—but risk is an aspect of self-authenticity.

One scenario I’ve imagined for active Escapism would be to move to a remote rural area along with several hundred other libertarian socialists—enough to take over the local government (municipal or even county) and elect or control the sheriffs & judges, the parent/teacher association, volunteer fire department and even the water authority. Fund the venture with cultivation of illegal phantastice and carry on a discreet trade. Organize as a “Union of Egoists” for mutual benefit & ecstatic pleasures—perhaps under the guise of “communes” or even monasteries, who cares. Enjoy it as long as it lasts.

I know for a fact that this plan is being worked on in several places in America—but of course I’m not going to say where.

Another possible model for individual escapists might be the nomadic adventurer. Given that the whole world seems to be turning into a giant parking lot or social network, I don’t know if this option remains open, but I suspect that it might. The trick would be to travel in places where tourists don’t—if such places still exist—and to involve oneself in fascinating and dangerous situations. For example if I were young and healthy I’d’ve gone to France to take part in the TAZ that grew around resistance to the new airport—or to Greece—or Mexico—wherever the perverse spirit of rebellion crops up. The problem here is of course funding. (Sending back statues stuffed with hash is no longer a good idea.) How to pay for yr life of adventure? Love will find a way. It doesn’t matter so much if one agrees with the ideals of Tahrir Square or Zucotti Park—the point is just to be there.

3. Revenge. I call it Zarathustra’s Revenge because as Nietzsche said, revenge may be second rate but it’s not nothing. One might enjoy the satisfaction of terrifying the bastards for at least a few moments. Formerly I advocated “Poetic Terrorism” rather than actual violence, the idea being that art could be wielded as a weapon. Now I’ve rather come to doubt it. But perhaps weapons might be wielded as art. From the sledgehammer of the Luddites to the black bomb of the attentat, destruction could serve as a form of creativity, for its own sake, or for purely aesthetic reasons, without any illusions about revolution. Oscar Wilde meets the acte gratuit: a dandyism of despair.

What troubles me about this idea is that it seems impossible to distinguish here between the action of post-leftist anarcho-nihilists and the action of post-rightist neo-traditionalist reactionaries. For that matter, a bomb may as well be detonated by fundamentalist fanatics—what difference would it make to the victims or the “innocent bystanders”? Blowing up a nanotechnology lab—why shouldn’t this be the act of a desperate monarchist as easily as that of a Nietzschean anarchist?

In a recent book by Tiqqun (Theory of Bloom), it was fascinating to come suddenly across the constellation of Nietzsche, Rene Guenon, Julius Evola, et al. as examples of a sharp and just critique of the Bloom syndrome—i.e., of progress-as-illusion. Of course the “beyond left and right” position has two sides—one approaching from the left, the other from the right. The European New Right (Alain de Benoist & his gang) are big admirers of Guy Debord, for a similar reason (his critique, not his proposals).

The post-left can now appreciate Traditionalism as a reaction against modernity just as the neo-traditionalists can appreciate Situationism. But this doesn’t mean that post-anarchist anarchists are identical with post-fascism fascists!

I’m reminded of the situation in fin-de-siecle France that gave rise to the strange alliance between anarchists and monarchists; for example the Cerce Proudhon. This surreal conjunction came about for two reasons: a) both factions hated liberal democracy, and b) the monarchists had money. The marriage gave birth to weird progeny, such as Georges Sorel. And Mussolini famously began his career as an Individualist anarchist!

Another link between left & right could be analyzed as a kind of existentialism; once again Nietzsche is the founding parent here, I think. On the left there were thinkers like Gide or Camus. On the right, that illuminated villain Baron Julius Evola used to tell his little ultra-right groupuscules in Rome to attack the Modern World—even though the restoraton of tradition was a hopeless dream—if only as an act of magical self-creation. Being trumps essence. One must cherish no attachment to mere results. Surely Tiqqun’s advocacy of the “perfect Surrealist act” (firing a revolver at random into a crowd of “innocent by-standers”) partakes of this form of action-as-despair. (Incidentally I have to confess that this is the sort of thing that has always—to my regret—prevented my embracing Surrealism: it’s just too cruel. I don’t admire de Sade, either.)

Of course, as we know, the problem with the Traditionalists is that they were never traditional enough. They looked back at a lost civilization as their “goal” (religion, mysticism, monarchism, arts-&-crafts, etc.) whereas they should have realized that the real tradition is the “primordial anarchy” of the Stone Age, tribalism, hunting/gathering, animism—what I call the Neanderthal Liberation Front. Paul Goodman used the term “Neolithic Conservatism” to describe his brand of anarchism—but “Paleolithic Reaction” might be more appropriate!

The other major problem with the Traditionalist Right is that the entire emotional tone of the movement is rooted in self-repression. Here a rough Reichean analysis suffices to demonstrate that the authoritarian body reflects a damaged soul, and that only anarchy is compatible with real self-realization.

The European New Right that arose in the 90s still carries on its propaganda—and these chaps are not just vulgar nationalist chauvenist anti-semitic homophobic thugs—they’re intellectuals & artists. I think they’re evil, but that doesn’t mean I find them boring. Or even wrong on certain points. They also hate the nanotechnologists!

Although I attempted to set off a few bombs back in the 1960s (against the war in Vietnam) I’m glad, on the whole, that they failed to detonate (technology was never my metier). It saves me from wondering if I would’ve experienced “moral qualms”. Instead I chose the path of the propagandist and remained an activist in anarchist media from 1984 to about 2004. I collaborated with the Autonomedia publishing collective, the IWW, the John Henry Mackay Society (Left Stirnerites) and the old NYC Libertarian Book Club (founded by comrades of Emma Goldman, some of whom I knew, & who are now all dead). I had a radio show on WBAI (Pacifica) for 18 years. I lectured all over Europe and East Europe in the 90s. I had a very nice time, thank you. But anarchism seems even farther off now than it looked in 1984, or indeed in 1958, when I first became an anarchist by reading George Harriman’s Krazy Kat. Well, being an existentialist means you never have to say you’re sorry.

In the last few years in anarchist circles there’s appeared a trend “back” to Stirner/Nietzsche Individualism—because after all, who can take revolutionary anarcho-communism or syndicalism seriously anymore? Since I’ve adhered to this Individualist position for decades (although tempered by admiration for Charles Fourier and certain “spiritual anarchists” like Gustave Landauer) I naturally find this trend agreeable.

“Green anarchists” & AntiCivilization Neo-primitivists seem (some of them) to be moving toward a new pole of attraction, nihilism. Perhaps neo-nihilism would serve as a better label, since this tendency is not simply replicating the nihilism of the Russian narodniks or the French attentatists of circa 1890 to 1912, however much the new nihilists look to the old ones as precursors. I share their critique—in fact I think I’ve been mirroring it to a large extent in this essay: creative despair, let’s call it. What I do not understand however is their proposal—if any. “What is to be done?” was originally a nihilist slogan, after all, before Lenin appropriated it. I presume that my option #1, passive escape, would not suit the agenda. As for Active Escapism, to use the suffix “ism” implies some form not only of ideology but also some action. What is the logical outcome of this train of thought?

As an animist I experience the world (outside Civilization) as essentially sentient. The death of God means the rebirth of the gods, as Nietzsche implied in his last “mad” letters from Turin— the resurrection of the great god PAN—chaos, Eros, Gaia, & Old Night, as Hesiod put it—Ontological anarchy, Desire, Life itself, & the Darkness of revolt & negation—all seem to me as real as they need to be.

I still adhere to a certain kind of spiritual anarchism—but only as heresy and paganism, not as orthodoxy and monotheism. I have great respect for Dorothy Day—her writing influenced me in the 60s—and Ivan Illich, whom I knew personally—but in the end I cannot deal with the cognitive dissonance between anarchism and the Pope! Nevertheless I can believe in the re-paganaziation of monotheism. I hold to this pagan tradition because I sense the universe as alive, not as “dead matter.” As a life-long psychedelicist I have always thought that matter & spirit are identical, and that this fact alone legitimizes what Theory calls “desire”.

From this p.o.v. the phrase “revolution of everyday life” still seems to have some validity—if only in terms of the second proposal, Active Escapism or the TAZ. As for the third possibility— Zarathustra’s Revenge—this seems like a possible path for the new nihilism, at least from a philosophical perspective. But since I am unable personally to advocate it, I leave the question open.

But here—I think—is the point at which I both meet with & diverge from the new nihilism. I too seem to believe that Predatory Capitalism has won and that no revolution is possible in the classical sense of that term. But somehow I can’t bring myself to be “against everything.” Within the Temporary Autonomous Zone there still seems to persist the possibility of “authentic life,” if only for a moment—and if this position amounts to mere Escapism, then let us become Houdini. The new surge of interest in Individualism is obviously a response to the Death of the Social. But does the new nihilism imply the death even of the individual and the “union of egoists” or Nietzschean free spirits? On my good days, I like to think not.

No matter which of the three paths one takes (or others I can’t yet imagine) it seems to me that the essential thing is not to collapse into mere apathy. Depression we may have to accept, impotent rage we may have to accept, revolutionary pessimism we may have to accept. But as e.e. cummings (anarchist poet) said, there is some shit we will not take, lest we simply become the enemy by default. Can’t go on, must go on. Cultivate rosebuds, even selfish pleasures, as long as a few birds & flowers still remain. Even love may not be impossible...

[macmazatlan]

Venator Star Destroyer 114 call sign “Colossus” Ship Log 354

[The following is a recording taken by commander Mason during a discussion with Era, Kenai, Titus and Pride]

Era began, “We are here to pass judgment on what both of you have done. Both former commanders Pride and Titus have been charged with conspiracy and treason against the legion. How do each of you plead?”

Titus was the first to reply, “I plead guilty.”

Soon after Pride also replied in favor of accepting guilt for their actions. Era continued the herring stating that Kenai was there to observe and pass the judgment whereas Era and Mason were to present evidence. The hearing lasted for five hours, evidence being presented through secret logs and testimonies from the various units within the legion. Evidence was also presented from the sentients of Primus Dawn when Omen and Sovereign presented findings as well. Following this Kenai decided to speak alone to commanders Pride and Titus before passing his judgment.

Kenai began, “The evidence presented against you both is undeniable. You both accept this yet only commander Titus seeks atonement… I only ask for one fact from each of you, why? Considering the situation even myself, a neutral individual would have come to the same conclusion as commander Era.”

Pride responded angrily, “You’re a second generation commander, both you and commander Era were among the first of our people to wage war against the sentients. You BOTH HAVE FOUGHT FOR YEARS AGAINST THEM! YET YOU SEEK TO UNDERSTAND THEM? ALLY WITH THEM? YOU DISGRACE US ALL AND THE WARBORN WHO DIED IN THIS WAR!”

Kenai responded by punching Pride, knocking him down hard since he was still in retrains. Commander Titus stepped back in surprise as Kenai collected himself and replied, “You are too emotional Pride. I suppose that is merely the flaw within your development. It is true that both Era and I are from the first and second generations of developed warborn… I will share some facts with you both regarding the truth of our development. Did you know that has each generation of warborn developed observable flaws?”

Titus shook his head while Pride now kneeling on the ground began to shake in anger staring at Kenai. Kenai continued his lesson staring down Pride, “Those of the first generation such as commander Era tended to be logical, cold, and devoid of emotion or empathy except in rare cases. Era himself being one of the few first generation warborn to develop a sense of empathy for those around him, but unlike yourself he can control his emotions. Those of the second generation like myself tend to balance the trait of logic with empathy. The third generation were excessively warlike but lacked the capability to be flexible and think critically in complex situations. The fourth generation were rebellious and cruel in their methods to each other and the populaces we were meant to protect. The fourth generation was a good reason why so many worlds rebelled against us in the first Sentient counter offensive. You Pride, are a part of the fifth generation and unlike those of the second, your generation is overly tainted by emotion over logic. A flaw that saw the loss of so many legions due to the rashness you show being controlled by your emotions. Yet your generation Pride, similar to the base species template that gave birth to the warborn. Titus, you and Mason were among the few born of the sixth generation, one capable of adapting and overcoming obstacles. Your generation was meant to turn the tides of the war in one way or another but you’re lack of extensive training and adequate experience nullified your contributions as you’re generation was the smallest developed during this war and quite possibly the last.”

Kenai ended his lesson and remained silent, allowing the information to soak in until Titus responded with his answer to Kenai’s question, “I did it because of Apocalypse. He directly threatened our legion and I wasn’t sure of how sentient consensus works. I worked to develop the bomb as a safeguard to protect what is left of my own legion and those of my fellow commanders. If I am seen as an enemy because of my actions then so be it, but I acted with the best intentions for the legion… I don’t deny that I failed to see the potential consequences of my actions. If I need to fall to ensure the safety of our men now then I will not hesitate in accepting any sentence bestowed upon me, as it was a choice of my own making.”

Kenai satisfied with his response then looked back to Pride, who was now standing with tense body language until finally he fell down to his knees. Pride began to shake and sobbing could be heard from under his helmet as he spoke quietly, “I… I just… I did it because I sought right the wrongs done to all of us warborn. These… machines have taken so many of us in this pointless war that it seems that our suffering will never end. When my legion was dispatched from the homeworld, I knew every trooper under my command. I knew their hopes and regrets… some wanted to live lives as civilians, others wished to be things that they were not nor could ever realistically be… What every one of my men seemed to wish for as a whole was the protection of our fellow warborn. A dream tarnished into nightmare as my legion felt the reality of war…” He looked up to Kenai and continued now with certainty, “You asked why? It’s because I feel that if I could end this threat to the last of the warborn on this world, then I can fulfill the remnant wishes of those long gone to protect the warborn who are left within this legion, put together by the legacy of the many. I stand by my actions, but if my punishment requires a severe sentence… then I will not hesitate in facing my fate, as that will be my atonement for my actions.”

Kenai remained silent, then moved near Pride and kneeled down and put a hand on his shoulder, “I know you meant well. What you didn’t realize was that the war is over now, we have peace with the sentients. It may not be in the way that any of us intended, but it is peace never the less. The fallen can rest easy, you can rest easy in knowing that you will continue to fulfill the wishes of those fallen in the present by being here with the legion and your men, not trapped bearing the burdens of the past. Let go Pride, for if you continue to shoulder the regrets of the lost, then ultimately you will become lost as well.”

Pride regaining his composure stood proud. Titus moved to his side and both looked towards Kenai and nodded their heads indicating readiness. Kenai while he inputted a command code into his gauntlet. Once the command code was entered then commanders Era and Mason entered the room. Captains Frey, Reed, Aurelius and Ferrus also entered to bear witness. The guardians Harbinger, Omen and Sovereign also wired into the hearing while Commander Kenai began, “I have made my to pass judgment. I have reviewed the objective and subjective evidence within this case. I’ve heard the testimonies of condemned. My sentence is as follows, both Titus and Pride will be placed under probationary command. Their service will be meant to give back tenfold to those they wronged whether it be through labor or sacrifice, they will atone for their actions. They will be subject to all, regardless of rank, or state of being. Through Continued service to the warborn, the sentient and other allies, they will redeem themselves tenfold for their actions. Death will not be accepted as due atonement as there is not redemption in the void, nor will there be with continued detainment. We were alone, but now we’re linked by something never thought possible between the warborn and the sentients… Peace, a unity that is needed more than ever as to end a conflict that lasted decades. My decision is final given the criteria and evidence placed before me. For disgraced commanders Titus and Pride to overcome their current status, then they will need the unanimous approval of myself, Era, Mason and the four guardians of Primus Dawn.”

With the last statement made, the restraints were taken from both commanders Pride and Titus. They were then dismissed from the room along with the witnesses until only Era, Mason and Kenai remained with the guardians on the line.

Mason stated, “Thank you Kenai. You and Era always had a way with words.”

Kenai and Era remained neutral while Omen responded over the com link, “I approve of this outcome, however there is still one last topic to discuss that wasn’t mentioned in the trial.”

Harbinger finished Omen’s statement, “That would be the Ion bomb. Warborn commander Kenai, what is you verdict for the device?”

Kenai responded, “Your concern is valid Omen and Harbinger. I’ve discussed it with my peers and we’ve come to an agreement to give it over to you.”

The sentients took more time than expected to respond, of which Sovereign replied, “An unexpected outcome… Extensive resources was put into the project yet you each are willing to relinquish the device?”

This time Era stated, “Yes. We gain nothing from cooperating within an aura of distrust, trust must be equal equally between all beings within an alliance such as this. Thus we are giving up the device as to assure the sentients that we do not intend ill upon you.”

More time passed before Harbinger replied, “We’ve reached a consensus, you will keep the device.”

The news shocked the warborn commanders as even Era was unsettled by the news, Mason responded urgently with confusion, “but… why?”

Omen took the time to respond length, “Because, throughout our recent encounters we’ve done much to impose on you warborn. You’ve sacrificed extensively to make this alliance work, obviously putting yourselves at risk by allowing us to shelter within the ship.”

Then Soveriegn added, “It is no secret that our troops set you men at unease at times with some exceptions within the warborn engineering unit.”

Harbingered continued, “Hence, this was an unexpected branch of trust you extended to us that we as a unity never thought would come to pass. We intend to do the same, you will keep the device.”

With that last statement the guardians logged out from the com link, leaving the awed commanders in the CIC. Plans were quickly made to secure the device only where the present commanders would know, in tandem measures were taken to ensure it’s security. Thus passed the judgment and redemption of Pride and Titus, the atoning warborn of the 1st Legacy Legion.

Venator Star Destroyer 114 call sign “Colossus” Ship Log 354

[bombshellsandbluebells]

1, 2, 3 and 5 for the female characters top fives?

Thank you!! Okay, listed in no particular order and with short rant included because I couldn’t help myself. So this is long, prepare yourself!

1 - Protagonists

Elizabeth Swann (Pirates of the Caribbean) - 

I love her so much. She’s so stubborn and won’t put up with anyone’s shit and is ruthless and is more of a pirate than Jack Sparrow. I love that she longed for the sea and learned about pirates in secret as a kid and then got her own ship and crew and became Pirate King!! And that her story was always about freedom and she got it in the end. I love that Elizabeth doesn’t wait around for Will to save her, but goes out and saves herself and makes her own destiny.

Tohru Honda (Fruits Basket) - 

Tohru’s proof that kind/compassionate characters are not boring or less complex. Tohru feels so real; the way she ignores her trauma and grief and hides her issues to try to always appear perfectly selfless and happy is so human and relatable and her journey is really, really interesting. She’s so kind but still has so much room to grow and I honestly see a lot of myself in her.

Emori (The 100) - 

I mean most of you already know how much I love Emori, but I LOVE EMORI. She’s such a fun, interesting, unique character with a really interesting backstory and unique challenges to face. I love how smart and manipulative and conniving she is. I love how she doesn’t know how to trust people and has to slowly learn how to be part of a group. I love how insanely loyal she is once she’s found that group. I love that being one part of a romance story didn’t fix all her issues, but finding community and acceptance helped her grow even further. I love that she still loves herself despite what society says about her. I love her look even if the shape and size of her tattoo keeps magically changing.

Annie Edison (Community) -

I love how Annie is ruthless, and I love how that contrasts with the sweet/innocent/naive stereotype she appears to be at first. The more you see of her the more you realize that Annie Edison will steamroller over literally anyone in her path to get what she wants, Jeff included. The hints we get about her backstory and family life are also really intersting, even if the show never really goes into it - probably because it wouldn’t really stay comedic. 

Lucretia (The Adventure Zone: Balance) - 

It is my mission to get more people to give TAZ a try. It has so many great characters and Lucretia is one of the best. She’s so complicated. Your outlook on her constantly changes. She goes from being a mentor archetype to possibly the antagonist to a tragic hero. She did something terrible to the main characters for good reason and you see the awful affects of it but it’s also made clear why she did it and just how awful she feels about it. She’s such a tragic character and every time I relisten my heart breaks for her more and I just love her. 

Also she has some amazing lines like “Hot diggity dog, that is a baller cookie” so how could you not love her.

2 - Villains

A.L.I.E. (The 100) - 

She’s probably my favorite villain ever. Every season I want them to bring her back. I’m still bummed s5 didn’t take the PERFECT opportunity they were given. She would be my one weakness to start watching the show again.

Azula (ATLA) - 

Azula’s far more threatening than Ozai ever is, and she’s so flawed in such interesting ways. One of my favorite moments of her is the scene where she says, “Are the tides the captain of this ship?” because at first it seems like such a badass, in-control moment, but it honestly reveals just how much Azula’s pride and arrogance hinder her. That’s such a foolish, reckless thing to think, that what you want is above the forces of nature, but Azula is foolish, prideful, and arrogant, even if she is incredibly talented and smart. I think it’s also really interesting how they parallel her decline with Zuko overcoming his trauma, because for most of the series it seemed that Azula only benefited from their upbringing, and then you realize she’s just as messed up from it, just in different ways.

Bellatrix LeStrange (Harry Potter) -

I don’t have a rant for her, she’s really not that complex, she’s just such a fun, terrifying villain and Helena Bohamn Carter plays her to perfection.

Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter) -

I mean I don’t like her at ALL but we all collectively DESPISED her and that’s just proof of what a great villain she is. When she showed up again in Deathly Hollows I remember just feeling rage as I read it. I was like, her??? AGAIN???

Last one below the cut because major spoilers for Fruits Basket!!!

3 - Superheroes

Nebula (MCU) -

I really love her journey in the MCU from villain to hero. The best parts of Endgame were getting to see her find a group of her own that supported her and learn to have fun and smile.

Natasha Romanoff (MCU) - 

I don’t always love how the MCU handled her, but I do like the character the MCU ultimately created, if that makes sense. She’s snarky and kind of dorky and it’s such a contrast from the shallow femme fatale cliche she started as and is usually portrayed as. I love that we get to see some of her weaknesses and fears over the series. I think they screwed up with her narrative a LOT, but I still enjoy the character they ultimately created.

Pepper Potts (MCU) -

Badass business lady turned occasional badass superhero when her husband’s in trouble. I really love her visceral fear of the superhero business and her hatred of it for most of the movies. It makes sense and makes her human that she doesn’t just go along with it. 

Raven (Teen Titans) -

Raven was one of my favorite characters as a kid. Apparently I like characters who are isolated but crave community and slowly learn to love others and let that love and acceptance in, because that’s part of what I love about her. 

Carol Danvers (616) -

I don’t like Carol in the MCU because of writing/directing reasons, but I love Carol in the comics. I love her “fuck you” attitude that is so at odds with most superheroes and her stubborness and her tendency to punch first, talk later, even when it gets her into trouble. I love that she named her cat after Star Wars and makes really corny jokes.

5 - Queens/Empresses/Royalty

Apparently I don’t watch a lot of shows with queens/royalty, so I’m going to do a grab bag of five other great female characters that come to mind.

Aqua (Kingdom Hearts) -

KH isn’t great at handling it’s female characters, but she’s the one exception. She’s a keyblade master who tried to keep her friends safe and stop the main villain, and she failed! She sacrificed herself trying to save one of her friends, letting herself get trapped in the Realm of Darkness, and the tragic part is that she didn’t even save him. So then she wanders the RoD for 10+ years, alone, being haunted by her fears and doubts and regrets, slowly losing herself. She eventually gets saved and gets a happy ending, but the part of the series exploring her endless wandering is so interesting. She’s a protagonist of a series aimed for kids, but she fails, and she has flaws and doubts and she has parts of herself she doesn’t want to face, and she’s just cool.

Echo (The 100) -

Because I didn’t list her in protagonists. I really fell in love with Echo in s4 when we saw her internal struggle between what was right/just and what was required to protect her clan. She was a great antagonist because we still saw so much of her humanity and now she’s a great protagonist with flaws and desires and self-doubt. And she’s a badass.

Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist) -

Another really interesting, flawed, complex lady. Riza is a soldier who fought in war and her actions during it still haunt her and drive her to push for a better world and country, even if she fully expects and accepts that a better world will punish her for her actions. She’s so interesting.

Judy & Jen (Dead to Me) - 

They’re by no means favorite characters of all time, but I do really love both of these characters. They’re just well written and interesting and the conflict between them is really interesting and I just want to include them for being cool female characters.

Furiosa (Mad Max: Fury Road) - 

What an awesome character. Her design is cool. Her actress is amazing. Her risking her life to get the wives to safety is fantastic. The way the movie slowly humanizes her more and chips away at her harsh exterior to show the emotions underneath is so good. She’s got a disability and fights around it. She’s great.

Villains (Cont.) below the cut ; spoilers for Fruits Basket

Akito (Fruits Basket) -

I put this under the cut because people are just starting to get into Fruits Basket for the first time and the fact that Akito is even a woman is a major spoiler, because she was raised as male her entire life because she was head of the family. Akito is so unlikeable at first and so awful and manipulative. She takes joy in hurting other people. She has a hand in most of the other characters’ trauma. And then you start learning more and more about her and realize she’s a traumatized, lonely, hurt person and is lashing out. It doesn’t forgive what she’s done, but it humanizes her. She’s a great parallel of Tohru in that they went through very similar trauma and experiences but Tohru had a loving mother who taught her the importance of love and kindness and Akito’s mother was awful and abusive and she learned that the only thing that mattered was power and control. She’s a really interesting character and I honestly still don’t know to feel about her most of the time.

[princesskairi]

Potentially minor, nitpicky criticism to a small section of the Sleeping Realm Theory Doc. Note: This criticism has nothing to do with ship wars (at least that’s the intention!) as the doc has nothing to do with ship wars too.

This is referring to the doc’s analysis of the scene where Kairi and Sora reunite in the light tunnel under the section Riku is Light -> Light in the Darkness. Read more underneath.

————————–

My biggest criticism in this analysis is how it presents Kairi and her importance to Sora in conjunction with Riku. This criticism also calls into question some of the claims used to debunk Kairi as being the light in the tunnel.

To start off, it’s not that I dislike the suggestion that Riku is the light in that scene, it’s that to then follow up and say that Kairi is off to the side then moves and “eclipses” that light from Sora’s view is risky framing whether intentional or not. 

While it might not be the writers’ intentions, it’s dangerous to paint that scene that way without further warning/clarification as it can easily fall into the toxic rhetoric that Kairi is in the way of Sora’s realization about Riku (unfortunately, something that is not uncommon in fanon). It takes a scene that is largely meant to display Kairi’s strength and resolve to protect Sora and shifts its focal point to Sora’s thoughts about Riku, which I feel is rather unfair to one of Kairi’s few spotlights in KH3.

The light can very well be Riku’s in that scene (considering the whole “Riku! Answer me!” analysis), but to present Kairi as “eclipsing” that light, leading readers to pick up a double meaning, and then to say that it is never Sora himself that figures she is his light severely downplays Kairi’s real significance to Sora and how he views her. If it is the case that Nomura intended to have double meaning in Kairi eclipsing the light and mislead the audience to think that she is the light by having Sora claim that she is, then of course my anger would be directed towards him alone. 

The part where the writers bring up a screenshot of Namine telling Sora that Kairi’s his light to emphasize that Sora does not figure it out himself is out of fair play. It’s taken out of context. Namine explicitly tells Sora that because she’s been messing with his memories up to that point. She guides and allows Sora to remember for himself that important connection before putting him to sleep to fix his faulty memories. Even if Namine doesn’t tell Sora that, there is no doubt Sora believes it himself. In fact, Sora has already since equated Kairi to light in KH1 (before Namine reinforces it to him) in his speech with Kairi in Traverse Town. He tells Kairi that it was her voice that saved him from the darkness. When Kairi responds that she didn’t want to forget about him, it is Sora that goes “That’s it! Our hearts are connected and the light from our hearts broke through the darkness. I saw that light.” With the prior context, that’s basically Sora figuring out for himself that “that light” was Kairi’s and the same concepts can be applied to reach and save Riku too. Also, Sora does explicitly conclude on his own in KH3 to Kairi that, “The light in the darkness. It is you”. It’s strange why the narrative that Sora is being misled to think Kairi’s his light (i.e. simply told by others) has to be included to further emphasize the idea that Riku is Sora’s light (esp. when there’s plenty of evidence that Riku is Sora’s light without needing to reevaluate Kairi-centric scenes and call to question Sora’s own revelations about her)? 

————————–

Quote from the doc:

“And so ask yourself this, how is Kairi supposed to be following her own light back?”

Following the same logic, in KH1, how does Kairi, who at the time resides in Sora, also follow the light back to her flashback of her grandmother? Not only that, after her heart is restored to her own body, she tells Sora in Traverse Town, “A light at the end of the tunnel” to which he responds “Oh, your grandma's story right?” and she responds back, “That’s right, we were together”. This shows that Kairi too can in essence “follow her own light back” or at the very least experience that light from an outside perspective. But to leave it open, perhaps this ability is due to the weird oddities from her being in Sora’s body? Or a bolder take is that the light is actually Kairi’s grandmother’s light this entire time! lol! (I highly doubt that this was the intent but who knows! Unless past interviews/Ultimanias can shed some light.) In any case, before one can disprove Kairi being the light on this basis, one needs to also explain this contradiction (considering the doc makes a point that this kh1 scene is meant to be Kairi’s light).

Passage from the doc:

“And if this scene were truly meant to be taken at face value, why do we get these specific visions, inexplicably in the middle of it. Sudden visions of self sacrifice, both referred to as True Love and the reviving power it has. Except, neither Kairi or Sora had sacrificed themselves for just each other at this point, Sora tries to shield her (an act that read as surprisingly desperate and hopeless for the first sign of danger she faced, like he—his heart, remembered she was going to die in this battle no matter what) but Goofy blocked the attack and nothing came of it. And most importantly for all the danger she’s in, none of Kairi’s scenes read as self sacrificial, they read as resigned.”

As for the Disney visions, I do believe that the general takeaway was meant for Sora equating feelings of self-sacrifice, love, and care to his own situation. I do not believe it is exclusively meant for Riku and I do not believe that Kairi can not be equated to these scenes just on the merit that there is no direct self-sacrificial parallel of them in KH3 up to that point. One can argue that even if Goofy came to protect them, that doesn’t lessen the impact that Sora was ready to sacrifice his own danger for Kairi.

In any case, if self-sacrifice is a needed component to link these Disney scenes to someone then Kairi and Sora also have their share as do Sora and Riku. In KH1, Sora sacrifices himself to revive Kairi because of his love for her like how Eugene sacrifices himself for Rapunzel and Anna sacrifices herself for Elsa. Elsa and Rapunzel bring Anna and Eugene back due to their love for them. Same thing happens on Kairi’s end. While Kairi is made of pure light and has no immediate danger in getting pummeled by heartless when she hugs heartless Sora, she herself doesn’t know that she wouldn’t be in danger. That scene could be still interpreted as sacrificial to an extent. Kairi sacrifices her own danger to revive Sora with the power of her light and love for him. Same with Riku, he’s sacrificed himself plenty times for Sora out of his love for him throughout the franchise. These actions are still seen as sacrificial in nature despite Riku not actually dying at the end of it. Riku’s sacrifice (i.e. demon tide) is more recent, so these visions may better equate to Riku esp. with Sora remembering Riku when talking to Anna and others, but considering that this scene is about Sora and Kairi reuniting and Sora showing gratitude towards Kairi, it’s not fair to write Kairi off as not a trigger for these Disney scenes as well.

“This light, that Sora assumes is Kairi, but which she never confirms or denies, a light that led him to Riku’s heart originally. This light begins showing him these scenes of self sacrifice, and Sora makes a confused, jerking motion. And in reaction, Kairi is also confused. Which is weird considering if she’s the light, she would be the one showing him these visions in the first place, right?“

This isn’t quite a fair take. It’s impossible for Kairi to show these visions to Sora as she was not present when those scenes occurred. The same logic should apply to Riku. He was not present when those scenes occurred; he would not be able to show these visions either. So what gives? I don’t believe these visions are being shown to Sora rather Sora is literally remembering these scenes himself and equating them to what he feels right now in his own situation. He jerks up, which causes Kairi to be confused bc she simply can’t know what’s up with Sora’s reaction even if she is able to somehow show these visions herself. She checks to see if Sora’s okay and when she sees that he is, she states, “I told you Sora. You’re safe with me”. 

If what was really meant was that “Riku is the light in the tunnel -> Riku’s light embodies Riku’s self sacrifice, which in turn causes Sora to connect it with his own memories in the Disney worlds” then that’s a different thing and totally valid but was not presented that way in the doc. I also feel that Sora isn’t confused rather in a state of realization and coming back to reality after these visions, which explains why he’s a bit shaken up/disoriented at first with his “Ooh”. Regardless of whose light it is, I firmly believe it is Sora making these connections for himself and not the light showing them for him. Bc of this interpretation, the theory that “Kairi is the light” or “Riku is the light” is not necessarily disproven or illogical on the basis that neither one has been there to experience these Disney scenes. This is different from when the light shows Kairi’s Radiant Garden memories to Sora and is not a perfect parallel but does not need to be.

All in all, Riku’s love for Sora is integral to understand the sacrifices made to facilitate the “drops” and bring everyone to a new worldline, but I personally feel that this specific analysis of Kairi and Sora’s scene does not need to be presented in a way that makes Kairi seem like a misleading device for both Sora and the audience to realize Riku’s love/light. There is no need to disregard Kairi and Sora’s potential connection with the Disney scenes rather than simply show that these scenes are strongly attributed to Riku. There is no need to treat Sora as if he cannot or doesn’t accurately conclude what light means for himself.

I hope my criticism for this specific section does not come off as mean-spirited and I do not want this to be a playground to incite s/hipping wars either bc it’s not even about ships. To make it extremely clear, my criticism does not have to do with ships NOR do I think the theory doc is trying to force a ship onto people either. The word “love” can be interpreted however way you want: romantic, platonic, whatever. I do think that the writers were a bit too quick to dismiss Kairi as the light in this scene and that there was an over emphasis towards Riku in a scene meant to establish Kairi’s importance and I wanted to address that. If it is misreading on my part, feel free to discuss! I don’t want to put words into other people’s mouths. I am open to critique too. This one criticism doesn’t negate all the other interesting insights the doc makes. The doc as a whole is an interesting read and I offer nothing but support and thanks to those involved in the process. 

And who knows, maybe Nomura will come out and confirm that this portion of the doc is right! Then jokes on me but until then, I believe this criticism holds fair.

[icharchivist]

A DGM/Within Temptation song list. Somehow.

@x-theskyatdawn-x replied to your post “@x-theskyatdawn-x replied to your post “DGM Playlist: *starts to play...”

*HI FIVE* they're just sooo goooood and yesss can relate their songs to things so always a bonus XD OMG YESSS I've always seen somewhere as a Kanda song!!! it's perfect <3 will be interested to see anymore DGM WT matchups :D

yyyeeeess exactly!!! And aahh so glad you agree yes!!!!

humm perhaps i can go back song by song and see why i put them in the playlist, more under the cut ;O Always love rambling about musics of my playlists ahah

so this will be “the Within Temptation* Songs in my D. Gray Man playlist” with a major bias over Yulma&Laven in terms of ships, for anyone to be warned. And I DO reach a lot. 

*+ My Indigo, the solo project of the singer, since well, she’s the song writter for both bands so might as well include it??

Also so it makes 26 songs i feel strongly enough about to ramble about them and 14 songs that are just vague enough to be mentioned. That’s. a lot of songs but what can i say.

General:

Paraside (What about us?)

Oooh that’s for the Order in general, since the song is very themed in people getting lost in a war without the war thinking about them, promising them a “paradise”

There's no sense, the fire burns, When wisdom fails, it changes all The wheel embodies all that keeps on turning Blood red skies, I feel so cold, No innocence We play our roll. The wheel embodies all, Where are we going? All in all, You expect the wise to be wiser Fallen from grace and All and all I guess we should have known better 'Cause What about us? Isn't it enough? No we're not in paradise. But it's all we want, And it's all that we're fighting for, Thought it's not paradise You and us, or I and them, There comes a time to take a stand The wheel is watching all, It keeps on burning The venom works, it's like a curse, A trojan horse, when will we learn? The wheel embodies all that keeps returning

Yup, definitly the Order.

Our Solemn Hour

THE INNOCENCE and how badly the Order takes it to some extreme. It’s litterally a song about begging the Holy Spirit and “letting those horrors happen”?? I mean not to post all the lyrics but fuck:

In my darkest hours I could not foresee That the tide could turn so fast to this degree Can't believe my eyes, How can you be so blind? Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside? Time keeps on slipping away and we haven't learned So in the end now what have we gained? Sanctus Espiritus, redeem us from our solemn hour Sanctus Espiritus, insanity is all around us Sanctus Espiritus, is this what we deserve Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony? Are they themselves to blame, the misery, the pain? Didn't we let go, allowed it, let it grow? If we can't restrain the beast which dwells inside It will find it's way somehow, somewhere in time Will we remember all of the suffering 'Cause if we fail it will be in vain

Okay no i have Feelings about this song: “I could not foresee” we see allen had a tone of visions. The tide? Like a tide formed by a Flood???  “The heart of stone” specifically about how the order would have lost its empaty? Not learning from their mistakes? Insanity brought by all of the?  “Are they themselves to blame” > the Noah forcing them to do all that “But didn’t we (...) let it grow?” > but the horrors the Order had made, and it specifically makes me think of Alma. The whole part about the Beast dwelling inside that will end up backfiring at them reminds me of both Alma and Nea this kills me.  And if they fail, it would be the end of the world. Fucking genuis of a song.

The Recknoning

Lots of war vibes on this one, a bit more generic but some thing shelp also as Allen’s place as a soldier:

As cold as stone, they march in darkness Enslaving the young and killing their fathers But soon they'll know the path they've chosen Has carved their fate in stone

Oh i remember “carved their fate in stone” reminds me of the 10 commandments somehow so i guess the religious aspect helps

Also the chorus with blood and tears and red tears, Allen litterally cries blood at some point after all due to the Akuma (something i can link back to well, killing their fathers)

The rest of the song talks about people who fell into the battle for their freedom, and about “seeing a face between the madness and the sadness” to end the war, which somehow makes me think of Allen and Mana?

Raise your Banner

More general war, with a side of “once believing in (who is now your enemy)” which can fit for Allen. Also those parts:

I'm feeling the eyes of the fallen, they're watching me They make me see, they make me see I'm feeling the pain how you break them and make them bleed You make them bleed, you make them bleed

This makes me think SO HARD about Allen and how he sees the Akuma

When gods are failing, They put all heaven in a rage, We're on our own Our tears keep falling, They're setting fire to the flame

The whole conflict between the two gods but in the end where is God right? that fits sooo well. 

Allen (with a side of Nea&Mana)

Endless War

oh this one is mostly the vibe, but the Holy war is litterally a Endless War, and the song is about how any attempt to end it just makes it worse as people cut you down which i think fits a lot Allen’s journey. Also this, not recognizing the ghosts in the mirror reminds me of Nea. 

Looking through the glass, Cannot recognize the ghost that you’re seeing Every step you take on the burning sand slowly sinking deeper All the memories remain of the pain broken your broken home And the walls that your heart grew so strong, You can't let go  (...)  Here they come again,  Hear them whispering when your heart is bleeding Like a symphony playing on repeat, unraveling your feelings You keep crawling on, won't let it go, You keep holding on to feel whole ’Cause you're fighting an endless war, Hunting a miracle And when you reach out for stars, They just cut you down Is it worth dying for? Or are you blinded by it all?

Silver Moonlight

ah of course i’d have this one for the silver eyed boy. For Allen obviously. Kinda makes me think about his struggle with Nea and how determined he runs away from it all. 

I'm hellhound in this life, Keep fighting this endless war It's always been like this, I don't know why Enslavement of your mind, Your fear it ties me down Going down, I won't bow, no Screaming at the walls of fire, They're closing in on me I hunger for the vertigo, the silver moonlight, it's where I wanna be.  Screaming at the walls of fire, But I'm still running free In the silver moonlight I can breathe

I'm impatient, but it's colors that I need Too many shades of grey, I cannot breathe The dreams I have ain't tainted, I need you to believe The only way to make them real

The Whole World is Watching

this one is a bit wish fuffilment but for Allen? How his struggle is the center of all of history right now. The scars carrying him through, the steps taken ahead, and hopefully finding himself on the way. 

The scars are made, they're changing the game. You learn to play it hard. And I know you wish for more, and I know you try. And now you realize, you know the time is right. The whole world is watching when you rise. The whole world is beating for you right now. Your whole life is flashing 'fore your eyes. It's all in this moment that changes all. What are you waiting for? What are you fighting for? 'Cause time's always slipping away. You build your walls then break them away 'cause that is what it takes. You saved yourself. You found who you are. That never goes away. Your sacrifice comes through your mind, but nothing is wasted. You made it now. You rise again, breaking out. Each step you've taken, you've paid the price

Final Destination

Allen’s struggle with Nea mostly?

I escaped my final moment, but it's turning back at me On every corner I can feel it waiting Just a moment, no awareness, I could easily slip away And then I'll be gone forever I'm searching, I'm fighting for a way to get through, to turn it away It's waiting, always trying, I feel the hands of fate, they're suffocating Tell me what's the reason, Is it all inside my head? Can't take it no more! All around me I see danger, and it's closing in on me Every second I can hear it breathing I can't stand the fear inside me, Cause it's leading me astray And it will be my ending (..) But no one faced what's coming my way, And I will let my fear fade away Whatever may be, I'll have to find out

I cant even word my justification there, it’s just, such an internal struggle and a fear of madness,  of losing himself completely? It’s amazing. And it happened after Allen almost died, so after he “escaped his final moment”

It’s the Fear

Ooh same reasoning, Allen & Nea:

It waits for the day I will let it out. To give it a reason, to give its might. I fear who I am becoming, I feel that I am losing the struggle within. I can no longer restrain it, my strength it is fading, I have to give in. It's the fear of the dark, It's growing inside of me, that one day will come to life. Have to save my beloved, there is no escape, because my faith is horror and doom. (..) Long ago it came to me, and ever since that day, infected with its rage but it ends today. 

The beloved thing can even be interpreted in a Past!Neallen idea, of Allen saving his beloved, feeling like he had to, but in the end it just made everything worse? “Long ago it came to me”, it recalls a lot their past life, and how since then it’s breaking Current!Allen

The Truth Beneath The Rose

Allen both as a reply to the Order’s corruption and Nea growing inside of him, hands down

Pray for me 'cause I have lost my faith in holy wars Is paradise denied to me 'cause I can't take no more? Has darkness taken over me, consumed my mortal soul? All my virtues sacrificed, can Heaven be so cruel? I believe it would justify the means, it had a hold over me Blinded to see the cruelty of the beast It is the darker side of me (forgive me my sins) The veil of my dreams deceived that I have seen Forgive me for what I have been, Forgive me my sins. I'm hoping, I'm praying, I won't get lost between two worlds For all I have seen the truth lies in between Give me the strength to face the wrong that I have done Now that I know the darkest side of me How can blood be our salvation?  And justify the pain that we have caused throughout the times? Will I learn what's truly sacred? Will I redeem my soul, will truth set me free?

It screams “desillusion with the people you did a holy war for” while also feeling like losing yourself. “getting lost in between two world but the truth lies in between” COMON. And it fits with allen trying to find answers atm.

Mercy Mirror

Nea & Mana, and perhaps to some extend Mana & Allen? This is a very weird song and the whole mirror idea reminds me of them

We are forever as one in what remains You're in my blood from the cradle to the grave I don't like to think about the pieces,  Or the cracks and the breaks that still remain, If I could breathe, I'd ask you (...) How to see and to feel what is real When sunlight reaches my soul? So look in my mercy mirror, I need you more than I have known So look in my mercy mirror, 'Cause I'm not ready to let you go It's a wicked game life plays, How it gives and takes away No turning 'round, touching ground What we had was so much more than I realized If I could, I'd embrace, embrace you

I’m almost certain it’s a song the singer wrote about her father who died, so it fits a lot too with Mana and Allen just on that principle, and the fact that Allen is still reaching for a part of him in Mana and feel so lost without him. But it feels... so much like Nea and Mana to me?  They had to kill each other but we know they cared for each other. Nea and Adam hug so tight when they find back each other. The mirror Mana breaks to look for Nea. They are part of the same cradle, same twins, and they will be the end of each others. They are pieces of each other.  It’s seriously painful dkjhfd

Iron

Nea??? It seems so much.. righteous rage and trying to justify his own bad deeds for a war. 

Left in the darkness, Here on your own, Woke up a memory, Feeling the pain You cannot deny it, There's nothing to say It's all that you need to find the way Oh Damn, the war is coming! Oh Damn, you feel you want it! Oh Damn, just bring it on today! You can't live without the fire, It's the heat that makes you strong 'Cause you're born to live and fight it all the way You can hide what lies inside you, It's the only thing you know You're embracing that, never walk away Raised in this madness, you're on your own It made you fearless, nothing to lose Dreams are a drug here, they get in your way That's what you need to fight day by day (...) You need not to fear us, unless you're a dark heart a vile one, who preys on the innocent I promise, you can't hide forever in the empty darkness for we'll hunt you down, like the animals you are and pull you in the very bowels of hell

Like we know the “Keep walking” is something Nea used to tell Mana so I can see him trying to justify his own rebellion this way? “waking up a memory” like waking up a Noah memory, and he can feel that he’s born for this fight, that it’s his destiny to become the Earl. And him being determined in destroying the Noah fits on the last part?

Murder

Nea again,  I can totally see that as an anthem for killing the Noah?

I've been around these vicious lies too, Too long to be neglecting the truth I'm getting closer and I'm fully armed. I'm about to hunt you down through the big black hole right behind you And I'm about to cut your wings away 'Cause I've been finding out where you've broken in And I will take you out when I close you in I'm killing them all, I put my soul on the line I purify sins that I committed in life I'll follow them all and I'll be bringing them down Wherever they go i'm right behind There's nowhere to go, Your head on the line There is no rope, You're running out of time So where will you go When I will murder your soul? I'm about to do it your way, I will make your world unsafe(...) You don't believe what all the signs say, I don't believe in judgment day But you won't be leaving here unharmed

Nea has been part of the Noah enough to “been a part of those vicious lies”, he puts himself on the line, he’s killing them for being exactly like him.  And “i’m about to do it your way” is even better considering he wants to take the place of the Earl. And I love the “i don’t believe in judgement day” for a Noah meant to bring the end of the world

Lavi

Let Us Burn

Definitly a Lavi song to me.

The darkness has come to the roses, The fire is reaching the air The colors that I have created are suddenly flying away

The fire motif tand specifically it going up to the sky, i keep thinking about his innocence there. The colors fading away makes me think of how he reaced to Allen’s death specifically.

I'm not fighting myself, will not follow, 'Cause my choices are mine, it's my fate And I'll never bow down from the sorrow, I'll face all that is coming my way The lying, the devil, the silence, Embracing the world on the edge

He fights himself, litterally with the dreamworld, specifically because of a “devil” themed character, he’s a liar as well so it fits, he’s in a end-of-the-world scenario- he has a hard time dealing with grief and is trying to face it all on his own.

Then the chorus about letting himself burn, and begging later to be left to burn up reminds me of how Allen tried to stop him from burning himself up, and the second verse focusing on “searching no more for tomorrow” to focus on history fits to me. this is a Lavi song.

And We Run

*checks lyrics* ah. Lavi again.

It burns into your heart, the darkness that you fear You were never free, and you never realized And love, is a word you've never heard Your heart is cold cause it burns, the desire to leave the mind

yeah I see why it’s in my playlist

Faster

OOH Lavi but that’s litterally bc it talks about fire and lies and trying to figure out how to sort himself up? A lot like a peptalk for his own dreamworld fight?

.... also Laven’s lense

I can't see, cause it's burning deep inside. Like gasoline, a fire running wild. No more fear, cause I'm getting closer now. So unreal, but I like it anyhow. I go faster and faster And I can't hide from the feeling cause it's right. And I go faster and faster for love. And I can't live in a fairytale of lies. I can feel that you've mesmerized my heart. I feel so free. I'm alive, I'm breaking out. I won't give in, cause I'm proud of all my scars. And I can see I've been wasting too much time.

Empty Eyes

Lavi @ Junior in the Dreamworld. I just cannot... not see it and it kinda kills me?

Your determined by faith, You pretend to make up You lay out your case like the enemy But all that you got, Through dirty white lies You'll find the damn correct way, of blaming me for your crimes

Junior more determined by hos Bookman duty, but the way he forced it upon Lavi was a tool of the enemy, so Junior reminding Lavi of his duty was like the enemy actually.  “dirty white lies” fits all the way the Bookman lies a lot, specially since it’s lie to make the reality seems better for themselves. Meanwhile yeah considering Junior and Lavi are actually the same people, the fact Junior blamed “Lavi” for being different was a way to dissociate himself from it. From how /he/ is the one who started changing.

Won't you talk to me? Don't walk or run away I'm onto you, Yesterday with empty eyes I don't know where I'm going, In search for answers I don't know who I'm fighting, I stand with empty eyes You're like a ghost within me, Who's draining my life It's like my soul is see through, Right through my empty eyes

Even more explicit there. Junior is litterally a ghost inside Lavi, a false soul created from his “past self” memories. he’s “Yesterday with empty eyes”, “the soul is see through”, even more so because Dug used to call out Lavi for having empty eyes, which freaked him out. Dug mentions that Lavi doesn’t have empty eyes anymore years afterward, so Junior was litterally “a yesterday with empty eyes”, and Lavi facing back his Jr self is him facing back those empty eyes.  Meanwhile Lavi is looking for answers about the point of the Bookman, and he both doesn’t know who he’s fighting (himself?) while he’s currently fighting Allen and has no memories of it. 

I'm about to give in, got nowhere to go, Afraid of the sins I'm holding on There's no other way, no doubt in the end,  But I ain't got a thing to lose, nothing to defend

And this is Lavi giving in to Junior,  This song is a trip the moment i ended up associating it to them dkjfhd

Edge Of the World

Lavi with Laven’s lense.

The truth can't bare the sunlight, You're afraid for the day it does

> “you’re a dazzling light, you shine so bright i’m afraid you’ll fade in the light”? perf.

Hell when I told you so, I got burn, burn, burned again Heaven forbid that my heart is forsaken Hope in the end truth prevails

He earns fire as a God, but I believed in your heart And I'm leaving you, leaving you, leaving you now The truth can't bare the sunlight, And don't pretend to be my guide Heard you said you'd change it over, But I got burn, burn, burned instead Heaven can wait 'cause my soul is forsaken. Hope in the end truth prevails

Fire and Ice

oh this one is Lavi/Laven for angsty mood. Like “worst case scenario” for them lmao

Every word you're saying is a lie, Run away my dear But every sign will say your heart is dead Bury all the memories, Cover them with dirt Where's the love we once had Our destiny's unsure Why can't you see what we had, Let the fire burn the ice Where's the love we once had, Is it all a lie? (...) You hide away, to the other side of the universe where you're safe from all that hunts you down But the world has gone, where you belong And it feels too late so you're moving on Can you find your way back home?

Makes me think about Allen too a bit? Of running away at the other side of the universe, losing his path back home. idk it reminds me of Lavi’s “the only home a man need is his own heart” and how Allen is now longing for Home? It’s a weird song but it fits them too much to exclude it

Lost

Aa Lavi/Laven. It’s a weird one. again mostly about their fight? Like how Allen called for him and all? And their relationship now with Allen likely losing himself? 

My hope is on fire, My dreams are for sale I dance on a wire, I don't want to fail her I walk against the stream, Far from what I believe in I run towards towards the end, Trying not to give in She's lost in the darkness, fading away I'm still around here, Screaming her name She's haunting my dreamworld, Trying to survive My heart is frozen, I'm losing my mind Help me, I'm buried alive I'm burning the bridges, And there's no return I'm trying to reach her, I feel that she yearns (..) I tried to revive what's already drowned They think I'm a fool, Can't realise, Hope plays a wicked game with the mind 'Cause I thought that love would bind I cannot revive what's already drowned She won't come around

Okay it’s actually ALL over the place but all make me think Laven so it’s very hard to dissect it. The begining makes me think strongly about Lavi being lost in the dreamworld (dreams for sale, setting himself on fire). He is forced to think against his Bookman’s duty to be able to try to go against it. “Screaming her name” Allen is the one to scream Lavi’s name though while Lavi is being haunted by Allen in his dreamworld, breaking the moment Allen cannot survive the dreamworld. The fight result in his “heart being broken” and losing his mind. Jr ends up burning everything.  The last verse remnds me more of how badly Lavi handled Allen’s death? How he held on and had a lot of problems with it?

More Laven than character driven:

Firelight 

Oh my god it’s so Laven to me but i’m so biased but this is SO LAVEN TO ME.

I paid my dues all for truth, Can't leave it here forgotten Silence rules as blind as fools will never learn to break away Oh, why can't we rise again? When all the days go by a firelight, We'll never fade out in the night And we are estranged, we're drawn to the flame We are like fire to the rain Isn't it strange that love is in the way? It never goes away. I paid my dues all for truce, I'll leave it here forgotten Love will rule over truth, Will never learn to break away

I DonT KNOW but looking for truth??? Paying for it?? A Light that they can’t let fade away??? Not understanding why love is in the way?? GOD it fits.

My Indigo

LAVEEEEN. Laven. Goddamn Laven.

I call what we have indigo, unclear what we are or what we know (..) And though you never count the cost Of the innocence you've lost and what it meant You don't have to love me, There's one thing you should know My love will not unravel, It's unconditional, My indigo Even when the heart won't let me show, you don't have to say to let me know Ink burns on the page, blue to black, But words are fireproof, can't take back While the memory's alive, When there's pennies on our eyes, we'll never rest Can we take a second now to rain down the heavy storm that's in our chest

you can’t make a song about a heart not showing its emotions, unsure of what sort of love it is all about, and of ink disappearing to leave place to fireproof words to show how important the person became, and not have me scream laven

Lesson Learned

Laven. Okay there it’s specifically keywords so i’ll let the lyrics talk for themselves

I couldn't care less if the world's gone mad I couldn't care less, wouldn't turn my head The heart of the soul isn't touchable Hard to hold on to what's beautiful, There's no control,  When you talk about us, can you feel the fire in us? Do you ever miss? Would you ever miss? Through the darkness i swear, I can see your love in there You never miss, and i got a lesson learned, our love lives in a world of hurt I couldn't care less by the reasons why I couldn't care less if it's wrong or wise I wouldn't be here if it all made sense, Thought if i could only understand, it would hurt less Don't wanna lead a heartless life Don't wanna feel a numb inside Don't wanna lead a heartless life It's a lesson learned, it's a lesson learned Our love is in a world of hurt

All I need

Laveen 

Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away When you hold me in your embrace Don't tear me down for all I need,  Make my heart a better place, Give me something I can believe Don't tear me down, You've opened the door now, don't let it close I'm here on the edge again, I wish I could let it go I know that I'm only one step away from turning it around I tried many times but nothing was real Make it fade away, don't break me down I want to believe that this is for real Save me from my fear, Don't tear me down

A little more vague but. jfc it kills me.

HONORABLE LAVEN MENTION

ie not enough material to talk in depth about them but fck me it exist

-Sinead, i think it’s in my playlist for Laven but the lyrics are too vague to be on the list per se dkjhfd -Utopia, a lovestory specifically about trying to save humanity, and having to kill the ideal of who they are ect... Searching for answers. Make me think of Laven again but it’s very vague -Out of the Darkness, Laven. a vague lovesog of a love that helps “leaving your ghost and hurt behind”, and specifically the person leading you out of the darkness by calling your name. Allen being a light that guide Lavi out of the darkness, and who called his name to get him out of the dreamworld.

Kanda/Yulma

What have you done

OOOH YULMA AT ITS WORST. Lovers in a curse, forced to feel about killing each other, seeking to be at peace in the end!

I know I'd better stop trying, You know that there's no denying I won't show mercy on you now I know, should stop believing, I know, there's no retrieving It's over now, what have you done? (..) Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to? Cause you have turned into my worst enemy You carry hate that I don't feel. It's over now, What have you done? (..) I will not fall, won't let it go, We will be free when it ends I, I've been waiting for someone like you, but now you are slipping away Why does fate make us suffer?  There's a curse between us, between me and you

The begining makes me think specifically about the begining of their fight, in fact the song seems like a progression through their whole fight: first them convincing each other they’re trying to kill each other, specifically the twisted part about asking to be killed, “Carry hate that i don’t feel” while Alma gets twisted by hatred - and the closer we get to the end the more you se them warry of fightings and that they just hope to be freed in the end of this, aware of the curse that makes them suffer as fates are cruel. All with th “What have you done?” that can be said to Alma killing everyone and at Kanda trying to kill Alma.

Somewhere

Kanda @ That person and in the end therefore, Yulma.

Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign Instead there is only silence, Can't you hear my screams? Never stop hoping, Need to know where you are But one thing is for sure, You're always in my heart I'll find you somewhere, I'll keep on trying until my dying day I just need to know whatever has happened, The truth will free my soul Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home I want to embrace you and never let you go Almost hope you're in heaven, so no one can hurt your soul Living in agony cause I just do not know where you are Wherever you are, I won't stop searching, Whatever it takes, I need to know

I don’t... know how much to talk about it dkjhfd it’s litterally about looking for someone who is perhaps dead but is... such an important part of his life. That fits so well.

Star Crossed Lovers

Yulmaaaa, kinda the sad parts of their relationship again djkhfd

We're like lovers, but here we are again, Entangled in a dance that never ends This is karma, this is where our worlds collide, So for better, for worse Let's bite that magic bullet, Leave it all behind I need to feel the mercy of a star-crossed lovers' high Bite that magic bullet, Enjoy this crazy ride Only you can give me, A star-crossed lovers' high We are dancing where the wildflowers grow We're lost within a world that's so intense We go crazy, Time and time again, Spinning on a storm that never ends

Again kinda the world crumbling around them, an they wish it would be different but the world is too much, it brings them to madness. This makes me sad dkfhd

HONORABLE MENTIONS: 

-Dangerous Mind can fit Nea sorta? and Allen searching for answers? -Why Not Me?  kinda the Earl tbh? Considering his life a curse but something that he has to bear a bit?  -Pale, The Earl? Kinda this idea of just... repeating the same war, the same story through history? even though he’s so tired? -In Vain, still a hopeless war “nothing of the heart remains” that hurts, and the whole memory for the dead thing. Pretty vague but it fits the holy war a lot. -Mad World,  VEERY vague but Holy war in general + internal war conflict and the world crumbling, works for me. -Shot in the Dark, Allen lost in the war?  treated like a criminal, and feeling like losing himself. -A Demon’s fate, Allen @ Nea? Can’t elaborate but.. yeah? -Forgiven, a song of mourning for a father that had left before you? After you did everything to help them? And now trying to carry their memories? Mana&Allen com’on. -Our Farewell, Same reasoning, except Mana @ Allen, even more so since Mana is still alive so it doesn’t make it their farewell. In fact when i hear it i see keyword, from Allen calling Mana’s name and having his legacy in his hand? And the silence of the loss and the world tumbling down.... -Memories, Allen remembering Mana? -Deceiver of Fools would work so well for Lveille i’m kinda laughing?

And this is only for those i’ve pinpointed! bc there’s... so many stuff.... 

So if you made it through all of this CONGRATULATION you now know what happen in my head each time i make a playlist and why it is a mess kjdhfdkf

take care ;O

[yo-namine]

Last KH3 playthrough post! Endgame spoilers are below the cut.

Just a warning: This post is REALLY long and contains, um… opinions.

I’m glad the final battle trailer scenes happen right off the bat. I had no idea what would come next, and it made the experience that much more interesting.

Why do none of these keyslingers know how to block? First Aqua tries to shield Ven with her own body, then Sora does the same for Kairi. Just hit square, guys.

ZETTAFLARE DONALD ILU SO MUCH

The way Riku and Aqua stepped up to Sora’s side made me think they were going to be party members in another demon tide battle, but nope. Boo.

I’m surprised that Aqua just… let the demon tide take her? What the hell?

Sora loses Kairi, Donald, and Goofy and just… crumbles. He completely gives up and says it’s all over. Riku almost starts to try to soothe him, but instead, he gets up, tells Sora that he knows that’s bullshit, and then faces off against the demon tide (which was polite enough to wait for Sora and Riku to finish their conversation before attacking, by the way). It’s like a moment of tough love, and it’s actually what I was expecting Roxas to do back when I assumed he would be the one to show up in the Graveyard and pull Sora back on his feet. I wasn’t expecting a bunch of reassurances like “no, you’re not worthless, we can still do this, everything will be okay” but rather, “Get up, we’re not finished here.”

So Riku confronts the heartless and Sora just… watches in horror as they take him, too. And he doesn’t even fight back when they turn and come for him. And then the screen cuts to black and shows the final line of the prophecy, and… That was a really effective way to end that scene. Damn.

Yeah, I don’t know how to play chess, but I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to just conjure extra pieces from thin air, Eraqus. That was a nice line from him, though, about light from the past. Like, “The light doesn’t need time travel bullshit to kick your ass because HEARTS.”

Sora fucking died. Sora actually, literally fucking died. He goes to the Final World because he died. Holy shit.

The Final World is beautiful, and the music is lovely, too. The first thing I did after getting control again was take some selfies of dead Sora, ngl.

Sora’s been to the Final World before in his sleep, and Chirithy just let him pass through lmao.

Who is the first star that Sora talks to here? At first I thought it was Xion, but she says a “somebody” sent her to the Final World, so… Strelitzia? Ava? Skuld? lol I like that Sora just sits down next to her like this conversation’s the most normal thing ever. He’s dead and talking to another dead person, and he just rolls with it. I love this kid.

Some of the optional star conversations really got to me. One of them says that their friends replaced them after they died (“That was my seat. That was my place at the table.”). There’s also one that was apparently a child looking for their father, and that one actually made me tear up.

I’m not sure who the one who talked about being “identical” was. I think a third talks about their mentor, and perhaps that was a past keyblade apprentice? Another says that people teased them and a friend about being an item, and they pulled away from the relationship, and the other person never closed the distance. All of their little stories are just… sad. Jesus.

Naminé has a star! I missed her star on my first playthrough, but I replayed this part just for her scene. I wish I’d gotten it the first time, though. She clarifies that Kairi’s the one keeping Sora tethered to the world of the living. And god, Naminé’s words are so sad. She truly doesn’t think anyone really misses her or that she matters at all. But Sora says that he and the others (including “someone else special,” who I think may’ve been Xion?) miss her and want her back. AND she mentions her conversation with Terra from the orchestra! Holy shit, WHY was this conversation optional? That was important story stuff that explained why Lingering Will shows up when we rehash the fight in the Graveyard. Naminé came through for everyone in a pretty major way, and if you don’t talk to her star (which is VERY easy to miss), you’d never know it. Though… I guess that’s kind of fitting in a meta way. Naminé helping people from behind the scenes and not expecting any credit, I mean. Still, I wish I hadn’t missed this on my first playthrough. Anyway, Naminé’s “Let’s just say I’ve got your back?” was really cute. And then Sora thanks her and gets all flustered. “That’s not the official thank-you!”

I’m… still not clear on what exactly the power of waking is or how it differs from restoring someone’s heart the old-fashioned way (i.e. taking a Keblade of Heart to the chest), but okay.

JIMINY SURVIVED ALL OF THAT JFSKLFFJL

I liked going through the different worlds to save all of Sora’s friends. It was a nice callback to KH1, when you visit different worlds in End of the World, and when you get to Realm of Chaos and have to rescue Donald and Goofy from Ansem SoD’s heartless… ship… thing. It was really annoying fighting the same boss over and over again, though. It wasn’t difficult (save for one instance where the lich spammed aeroga and pinned me against the ceiling. I only survived because it triggered rage form.), and I get that it was just a series of symbolic battles, but I dunno, maybe just giving him less HP for me to have to mow down would’ve made it less tedious.

So the power of waking is “traversing hearts to reach worlds.” So I guess that’s what Sora was doing while falling through the different Stations of Awakening and then arriving in different worlds.

“There’s no saving you.” Fuck, okay, after finishing the game, this line in the sleeping San Fransokyo hits a lot harder. You think Kid Xehanort knows that Team Nort is planning to snatch Kairi and use Sora’s desire to save her to ultimately destroy him? Because if so… ugh.

Sora and Kairi’s little spin when they reunite is so cute.

“I feel strong with you, Kairi.” Awww but also UGHHHHHHHH because I know what’s coming. And then Sora has flashbacks to Eugene and Anna sacrificing themselves for someone they love, and I’m not 100% sure why. Is it just foreshadowing his sacrifice for Kairi? Is he afraid that her rescuing him will cost her her own life? Whatever it is, Kairi seems to read Sora’s mind and says that he’s safe with her. And again, that’s really sweet, and I like that her PoH powers are FINALLY being explored in some way, but fuck, knowing how this all ends makes watching this scene so painful the second time around.

I was so confused when Sora was revived and we started replaying that confrontation scene in the Graveyard. The first time I played it, I was very seriously considering skipping the cutscene and reloading my save because I thought I’d gone the wrong way or something, but then Lingering Will showed up and the scene changed. Phew. I guess we went in a little time loop there. But wait, if everyone’s aware that Sora revived them, then they must remember how they were taken in the first place, right? If that’s the case, why the hell did Ven run up to Terra a second time? Why didn’t anyone stop him? Why did Aqua have to look “Terra” in the eye a second time to know it wasn’t him? Am I to assume that if Naminé hadn’t summoned Lingering Will, these dingdongs would’ve all lost their hearts AGAIN?

I’m so over demon tide boss fights, but damn if that battle theme doesn’t kick ass.

EPHEMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT, OF ALL THE THINGS I NEVER SAW COMING. He helps Sora use the keyblades of all the fallen wielders from the first war to fight off the heartless, and you use the names of all those KHUX users who won that KH3 contest as attacks. Oh my gosh, what a sweet tribute. I like thinking that Larkey’s keyblade helped, too. <3

Oh god, when KH1 Riku showed up and Forze Del Male started playing, my entire life flashed before my eyes. I DID NOT want a rehash of that fight. I was relieved that I didn’t have to, but I was also just a little disappointed because that Xehanort shadow that emerges from him looked like a cool potential boss. I feel like there are actually a lot of scenes that happened in the Graveyard that would’ve worked better as actual battles or gameplay, tbh.

Also, that Forze De Male remix was hot as hell.

R.I.P. to all of fandom’s “Yen Sid is useless” jokes. What a way to go.

“You’re a whole pint by yourself, Sora.” I LOVE THIS DUCK SO MUCH.

I like that the maze tries to force you to choose between helping Riku or Mickey first like it’s some tragic moral dilemma. Like oh gee, let me think: Best written character in the series, or corporate icon Ricky Rat? That said, I actually did go to Mickey first just because I couldn’t get past the moving wall puzzle lmao. I wish this area had had a few more puzzles, though. I felt like I breezed through it way too fast.

Riku is really nerfed as a party member. He was CONSTANTLY KO’d in my fight against the Norts. Like damn dude, even Kairi stayed conscious through her battle (all 5 seconds of it, but still).

Repliku tears himself away from his own vessel and leaves it. For Naminé. Fuck, I didn’t expect that at all. What a great scene, and what a better ending for a character whose story I thought ended in CoM. I loved that.

Didn’t love that Riku and Sora just left Naminé’s vessel facedown in the dirt, though. Like… at least prop it against the wall or something guys, geez.

I like that you get a sort of farewell scene between the heroes and all the main villains of the series. It may’ve been a little fanservicey, but oh well. I’m not so hot on it from a story standpoint. Like I know we’re doing the anime thing where “I defeated you in battle, now we’re cool” but it still felt… odd. But at least it’s not as obnoxious as what comes up later with Master Xehanort.

I liked Larxene’s take on this especially, how she’d rather be destroyed than be a Nort. Why she joined up in the first place is still a mystery… And her answering Sora the way she did implies that the Norts aren’t just possessed mind slaves. They do have agency, though I guess that was clear from Even and Demyx turning against them, now that I remember it.

Building on the agency thing, I liked Vanitas’s scene with Ven. Ven wanted so badly for Vanitas to come to the light, but… It really wasn’t what Vanitas wanted for himself. “We decide who we are.” “I did decide who I am.” It’s tragic, but I like that it showed that not everyone was getting a happy ending from this game, and that there are some people you just can’t save.

COME GUARDIAN WAS TERRA’S HEARTLESS AFTER ALL. FUCK YES. I love that theory and I’m so happy it turned out to be correct!!!!! 

And then we finally get a Wayfinder reunion!!!!!! 

“What final words do you have for your superior?” Okay, I know this game is rated E10, but I half expected Axel to just look up and say “Fuck you.”

Xemnas and Axel’s conversation was so meta. Axel bragging about how popular he was, Xemnas calling Axel’s keyblade a joke. Like… Damn, they really paid attention to fandom over the years, didn’t they? I just wish they’d paid this much attention to all the fans who wanted a good storyline for Kairi. Anywho, Xemnas destroys Axel’s keyblade, so we lose two Lights from this scene. I’m kind of grateful that happened, actually. Having Axel lose his spot made it a little easier to accept Kairi losing hers. But only a little. Kairi getting kidnapped AGAIN was still stupid and contrived.

Unlike the other Norts, Xion’s apparently not acting on her own free will when the fight starts. Sora telling her “You can stop now” seemed to break something within her. And then Xemnas turns to attack her, and Sora’s heart reaches out to someone, and then BOOM. Roxas shows up to sass Xemnas and save the day!!! 

I barely did anything in that Isa fight, lmao. I tried to land a few hits on him, but then I realized Roxas could handle him just fine alone, so I just hung back with Xion and cast cure here and there.

I’m disappointed that there’s almost no interaction between Roxas and Sora beyond a couple of nods, tbh. It’s kind of a weak payoff after all the fuss Sora made about wanting to save Roxas at the start of the game. That was what Sora decided to fight for “with all his heart,” and then once Roxas is back, we just keep blazing ahead with the story without a moment to appreciate the fact that he accomplished his goal (or rather, someone else accomplished it for him).

Aww, Xion looked so left out when she stood of to the side and started crying. It was almost like she was hesitant to join Axel and Roxas after she came so close to almost killing both of them. She didn’t even reach for the other two when Axel pulled them into a group hug, she just kept her hands clasped tight together and sort of curled in on herself. Aw, honey. Anyway, I’m glad these three will get to be together again.

I half expected Riku to snap “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?” when Sora tells him that Kairi’s been kidnapped.

I liked both Xemnas and Ansem SoD’s sendoffs. Kid Xehanort doesn’t give a shit that he lost, though, he just fucks off back to the past knowing damn well what’s about to happen. And to that, I again say ugh.

And then we get… that scene. What the fuck did Xehanort mean by “You need motivation.”? Motherfucker, we are already out here in the Keyblade Graveyard having this showdown. Kingdom Hearts is looming above us. Sora just got done killing all ninety-seven billion Xehanorts. This fight is happening no matter what you do. This doesn’t make any fucking sense. Having Xehanort kill off Kairi was stupid and unnecessary and pointless and lazy and truly horrible, horrible writing. And see, I can’t even give Nomura the benefit of the doubt here because he actually had Xehanort call Kairi Sora’s “motivation.” That was it. That was the only reason Xehanort killed her. Not because she was a keyblade wielder who was in the way of his goal, not because she was a Princess of Heart whose power could pose a threat. Not because of anything Kairi did or who she was as a person, but because she was a THING that was important to Sora. Fuck that. Fuck that entire scene, fuck everything about it, fuck everyone who gave that writing decision the green light. Fuck it. And knowing how this game ends (with Sora apparently sacrificing himself to save Kairi), Kairi now has more motivation than EVER to fight to get him back, but you know Nomura won’t give a shit when it comes time to write scenarios for KH4. He’s just gonna throw Kairi back on the islands and have Riku be the hero. Riku will find Sora, they’ll have adventures together and apart, they’ll continue to grow as characters, and then they’ll go home to where Kairi’s just sitting pretty, waiting to be the perfect reward for everything Sora’s accomplished. So there you go, that’s Kingdom Hearts IV. I just saved you $50 in the future (not adjusted for inflation).

Just. Jesus Christ, of all the idiotic tone-deaf bullshit… To have so much self-awareness while writing Naminé’s dialogue in the Final World and Axel’s scene with Xemnas in the Graveyard and then NONE OF THAT WHATSOEVER when it came to writing Kairi’s final scenes… That’s unreal. It’s almost unbelievable, but I really shouldn’t be surprised. Nomura’s pulled this shit before, so oop @ me for actually expecting better from him. Lesson fucking learned.

Anyway, after we get past all that stupid sexist bullshit that I actively hated, Sora gets ready to leave for the next area. I like that Donald and Goofy literally pick him up off the ground and help him stand, and that they go with him afterward. I just love the Trinity Trio in this game so much. They feel so much like a family now, and since I’m clearly never ever ever ever getting any decent Destiny Trio development, that’s a nice comfort. The other keyslingers stay behind to keep Kingdom Hearts shut, and Xion tells Sora that she can sense that Kairi will be okay, which… Yeah, alright. I just saw Xehanort slash into her back and shatter her into thousands of pieces, but no, I’m sure she’s fine. flskjdf Okay, sorry, I get what that scene with Xion was trying to do, but it just doesn’t make any sense? Xion is Sora’s replica, not Kairi’s. I could buy that she can sense Sora’s heart, but she has no real connection to Kairi’s at all, so how would she know that Kairi’s okay? Maybe she was just saying that as a way to comfort Sora, like a “she’ll always be in your heart” kind of thing, but even that feels off. Like that’s the kind of thing you say to someone a couple weeks after the funeral, not right there at the crime scene. Oh well. I guess it was sweet that she at least wanted him to hear that.

Then we get to Scala ad Caelum, which was kind of a letdown, really. I was hoping to get to explore the city, but you really just have one large area that’s ultimately just a battlefield. The boss battles weren’t much of a challenge at all, and you don’t even have to defeat them all, which was disappointing, but eh. The only tense moment was when Xehanort triggered Sora’s rage form in the final battle, but Donald and Goofy kept me healed up enough that it wasn’t much of a problem.

Xehanort uses the “one sky, one destiny” line from Kairi’s letter. Like it’s not enough that he killed her, he’s gotta plagiarize her, too. Dick.

Donald and Goofy help Sora ward off Xehanort’s final attack! Like they literally, physically help him push back against it! I love these half-pints. <3

Eraqus! He asks Terra to look after his other apprentices for him, aw.

Xehanort gives Sora the X-blade, and there’s no “sorry I killed your friend” or anything. He just goes on to be at peace with Eraqus. Seriously? This dude abuses Ven, hijacks Terra’s body, throws Aqua into the Realm of Darkness, murders Kairi, and he still gets to pass on peacefully into the next life with his bff? Come the fuck on.

Hearing “Always On My Mind” again was nice. That was always one of my favorite tracks from KH1.

Okay, after rewatching the ending cinematic, it makes a lot more sense to me. Riku suggests that they all go back to Yen Sid’s place to figure out how to save Kairi (which… why are we all acting like this is something that can just be undone? She wasn’t taken into darkness by the heartless like before; Xehanort struck her down. We didn’t see her heart leave her body or anything, she just shattered. To me, that looks like an E10-rated game’s version of death.), but Sora knows what he has to do. It wasn’t until the second time through this ending that I realized he was already planning on waking her heart at the expense of his own life. Knowing that, it’s a little odd that Riku just lets him go with a roundabout way of saying “I believe in you.” Kairi’s supposedly Riku’s friend, too, isn’t she? And he knows how to wake sleeping hearts, too, so why couldn’t he go with Sora to find her? 

I loved seeing the Wayfinder Trio laying flowers at Eraqus’s memorial. I also like that keyblades are apparently used specifically for this when the wielder has passed on. That’s a nice bit of world building. And Chirithy is reunited with Ven after all (who apparently remembers them)! Aww. I still don’t know how the hell Ven exists in this timeline, but still. Aw.

I love Xion’s new outfit, and that she and her boys got to go back to Twilight Town together. I’m not so hot on Isa being there, though, and I’m really put off by how chummy he and Roxas seem. I know these scenes are taking place after a little time has passed, so maybe there was some tension between them at first that we just don’t see because it’s not particularly relevant, but still… Anyway, a shadow passes over them for a moment, and I think it must’ve been the gummi ship arriving to pick them up and take them to a party on Destiny Islands. Nice.

When I got to the scene of Naminé waking up in Radiant Garden… I actually started sobbing. Like that’s embarrassing to admit, but that scene hit me so hard. Just watching her open her eyes, and then seeing Dilan and Aeleus lead her out to the courtyard where the ship lands. Seeing her smile when Riku holds out his hand to her… I started crying while typing this up just remembering it, haha. I loved that moment so, so much. I’m so happy she gets to be her own person, that Ansem helped restore her to finally give her a life of her own after everything he put her through. I love that Riku’s the person to welcome her onto the ship, that he’s doing this for the Replica who gave up the vessel for her, but also because she’s been his friend, too (albeit largely off-screen). And the final shot of her laying her hand so gently in his... Holy god, what a finale shot. That scene ALONE was worth the thirteen year wait for me. I am truly stunned that that was part of the ending, that Naminé—of all characters—was the final person they built up to. That was just so much more than I had ever hoped for for her.

And then the actual final scene. You have all the main characters playing on the beach. Xion and Naminé are finding seashells; Riku, Roxas, and Terra are running around doing… something; the Twilight Town kids and Goofy and Donald are making sand castles; Lea, Ven, and Isa are playing frisbee. And then everyone stops to look at Sora and Kairi on the paopu tree. Sora vanishes, and you see Kairi start to slowly curl in on herself as the scene fades to black. And… upon rewatch, I actually like this ending? I was confused the first time I watched it because I didn’t have Kid Xehanort’s words in San Fransokyo fresh on my mind at the time, but when I went back and watched all the scenes together, I understood that Sora woke up her heart, and him “abusing” that power took its toll. I’m alright with us actually not seeing him do this (or at least, I’m not bothered by that by itself. I’m really bothered that it happened like that after Kairi got fridged the way she did, but on its own, it’s fine.). I’m upset that Sora’s gone, but truthfully, I was sort of expecting it. And like I said in my tirade about Kairi’s writing a few bullet points up, you know he’ll be back. It’s just really upsetting to know that Kairi now has to live with the guilt over the fact that he gave up his life for her, and that—as far as she knows—she’ll never see him again. And you just know that Nomura will absolutely, positively not let her do anything about it come KH4, to which I can only say, again: UGH.

I don’t care about Braig being Luxu, bye.

I think I’m still too raw from the emotional highs (and lows) of this game to really analyze everything as clearly as I’d like. There’s still stuff I want to talk about, but I’ll save that for another time. I can’t deny how much I enjoyed everything that happened before Kairi got fridged, but man, that one point really sours a lot of this game for me.

But yeah, that’s all for now.

[babycoulson]

Not Everyone’s a Battlefield

Hey guys! I'm sorry that it's been a while, but I just started college and things are crazy! I'd love to connect with you guys so if you want to talk to me, go ahead and message me and I'll tell you everything about what I'm doing right now.

"Gravitonium," Fitz stated. "It's an extremely rare high-atomic numbered element. That powers the device. It's so extremely rare that most people didn't believe it existed, much less the theory that an isolated positive charge—"

"—would turn the flow from isotropic—" Simmons continued.

"Guys, high-school dropout here," Skye reminded them.

"And someone with zero Ph.D.'s or any college experience, for that matter," you added.

"How does the device work again?" Skye asked.

"Well, Gravitonium distorts gravity fields within itself, causing an undulating, amorphous shape," Jemma explained, using slightly more understandable words.

"Which causes these, um wiggly bits here," Fitz continued, clearly struggling to use everyday language. To make up, he began demonstrating what he meant with his hands. "But when an electric current is applied, the Gravitonium solidifies. And those gravity fields erupt, randomly changing the rules of gravity around it. Well, so, now you can imagine what would happen to a big rig at 100 kilometers per hour. Or, uh, well, you could just remember, 'cause we saw it already, didn't we?"

"Yeah, and guess which genius published every theory about Gravitonium and possible applications years ago?" Simmons asked, much like a teacher.

"Dr. Franklin Hall," Skye answered.

"Correct," Fitz affirmed. "And Dr. Hall attended the University of Cambridge at the same time as Ian Quinn."

"Have you two ever considered teaching together?" you questioned, half serious. "You'd be good at it."

"Um, thank you, but we haven't, no," Simmons said.

"Okay, this all lines up, but I think Coulson may be off on this," Skye expressed. "Quinn is a notoriously good guy. His charity endowment's something like eight billion dollars."

"Yes, with money made from leeching the earth of its resources," Simmons pointed out. "Looks like he's dug up another."

--

"The man's a prisoner, and it's up to us to get him out," your father stated.

Everyone was wandering around the living space of the Bus, pondering the best way to go about this. You sat in a chair, your chin resting in your hand, watching Skye as she leaned up against a wall.

"We've checked the specs. There's no way into Quinn's compound without a large SHIELD strike force or a man inside," Ward argued. "He's got neodymium laser fencing surrounding the property."

"They'll never allow a strike force into Malta," Phil pointed out. "Plus, this weekend, Quinn worldwide's got its annual shareholders gathering. We'd risk global outrage, but--"

"If we go in alone--" May began.

"SHIELD can disavow us, claim ignorance," he concluded.

"Without a man inside, it's impossible, unless you're immune to pulse laser emissions," May said.

"I feel like we should already have some tech for that, but I searched it and came up with nothing," you added.

"If we had a monkey, we could get in," Fitz interjected seriously.

"Ugh, Fitz!" Simmons groaned, throwing her hand into the air.

"If we had a small monkey, he could slip through the sensors and disable the fence's power source with his adorable little hands," he continued nonetheless.

"I could go in," Skye said, barely looking up from her phone.

"Now there's an idea," you agreed, understanding exactly what she meant in an instant.

"Drop me in the hills outside of Valletta," Ward said, ignoring his trainee. "I'll spend a few weeks establishing a cover, gathering intel--"

"Hall doesn't have a few weeks," Phil interrupted.

"And to restate, any Agent of SHIELD caught on Maltese soil can be shot to death with bullets," Simmons recited.

"Yeah," Fitz agreed.

"Legally."

"What else would they shoot us with?" you asked. "Blasters from the Star Wars set?"

"Actually, that kind of tech is far--"

"Not me. I could go in," Skye offered once again, this time putting down her phone and advancing towards the rest of the group.

"Skye, this is serious," Ward dismissed her patronizingly.

"She is being serious," you said.

"Wait," your father said, approaching Skye. "What are you saying?"

"Well, I'm not an Agent of SHIELD, so I can go in without breaking all these stupid rules," she stated simply, returning to typing on her phone.

"International laws," Simmons corrected.

"This isn't something the Rising Tide can hack, Skye," Ward tried to shoot her down.

"Will you shut up and listen to her?" you demanded. "She has a point." Of course, no one bothered to listen.

"Did you hear the deadly lasers part?" Fitz worried, pressing his fingers to the sides of his head. "Without a brave monkey--"

"You said you could go in with a man inside," Skye said.

"And you want to be that man?" May asked.

"Woman, but okay," you shrugged.

Skye shrugged as well. "Fitz-Simmons loved the guy, and he needs help. They could be torturing him, or worse," she made pointed eye contact with Ward before typing some more on her phone, "making him do strength-training."

"But you don't have the background or clearance or experience with any of this," Ward argued frustratedly.

"I know," she said, showing off what she had been pulling up on her phone. "But I've got an invitation."

"Like I said, she's got a point," you reiterated.

"Well, technically, it's an e-vite," Skye smirked.

--

"I understand your concern, but we don't have a lot of options," your father told Ward honestly, sitting back behind his desk.

"Hey, I'm impressed," Ward admitted. "She just wrangled an invitation on her phone using insider back-channel voodoo in minutes. But sending her in with no training, you're taking a huge risk."

"That's kind of what SHIELD is about, isn't' it?" you asked from your place in one of the swivel chairs. "If we don't take risks, then more often than not, more people get hurt than would have been in the first place."

Ward sighed. "I know Director Fury felt he owed you after you sacrificed yourself--"

"And my card collection," Phil sniffed. You grunted angrily in agreement.

"--and after he let your daughter believe that you were dead. He gave you some autonomy, but Skye on a covert op?"

"Are you worried about her safety or her loyalty?" the elder Coulson questioned.

"Both," Ward said. "The Rising Tide is the reason she got an invite. Who knows how many protocols she violated?"

"That's her job," Phil reminded him. "Ignore protocol, find connections and backdoors that nobody else can see. Something else is bothering you."

Ward paused. "She's holding back, sir. She says she wants to be an Agent, but she won't commit. She doesn't listen, makes jokes."

"Believe it or not, Agent Ward, some people are just like that," you said. "You've held a conversation with me before, and Skye really isn't all that much different."

"You have a cause you're fighting for with us. That's the difference between you and Skye; you really believe in SHIELD and what it works toward," Ward said. "I don't know how to give her that cause."

"Were you hard on her?" Phil asked.

"Sure. I tried playing nice, too," Ward said. "I need a new strategy."

"Try no strategy," your father shrugged.

"Not all people are battlefields," you added.

"Stop thinking like an operative, start thinking like a person. Maybe Skye will let that person help her."

"Help her what?" he asked.

"Help her think like an operative."

"And leave the cause-giving to me," you smiled.