#and repeatedly reframes them

[wannaeatramyeon]

Meeting Student!Gun Park for the First Time: Part 2

Please read Part 1 first! G/N. 4.6k. Remember when Gun wanted to get his GED? Well. Stranger to~ Masterlists

As far as first impressions go, yours went terribly. Gun can count on no hands the amount of people that have spoken to him like you did and lived to tell the tale.

Make no mistake, the sum total of which is zero. Zero spoke to him like that and lived to tell the tale.

It's like you have no manners and absolutely no sense of self-preservation.

But, he figures, he's finally doing his GED after the whole murderous stint and juvie and light dabbling in gang wars. Maiming a fellow classmate on the first day would leave an even worse first impression with the rest of the class than yours with him, therefore he should really try to behave himself.

Besides, he would never hear the end of it from Goo if he dropped out, or worse got kicked out, so he picked his battles and took your insults as best he could. 

Somehow miraculously managed to hold back from reaching across the screen to give you a well deserved ass whooping when you asked him if he was on the verge of a mid-life crisis. He schooled his face and took a drag of his cigarette instead.

At least, if nothing else, you're entertaining.

You also reminded him that small talk was a thing when you asked what he liked to do for fun. He couldn't remember the last time anyone asked, if anyone even did, although you don't really make this sort of conversation in his line of work and it is hard for Gun to find time to make chit chat with someone as he's usually the one brutally assaulting them in a fight.

And he had such good intentions with enrolling in school again so why not tell you he likes gaming. 

That's a perfectly Normal hobby, right? 

Even as he says those words, they stick in his throat like he's confessing something shameful and it comes out strangled and strange.

He moves on to more familiar territory by reframing his bloodlust as training and martial arts, which also sounds very Normal to Gun's ears.

A few more things that he can barely remember are mentioned to present himself as a very Normal individual and he isn't embarrassed to admit to himself he's pleased with how this has gone.

After all, the majority of his working day is spent with Goo and Goo is, to put it politely, an unhinged dipshit, and their conversations usually also have that kind of vibe. Gun is aware enough to watch his tongue in this conversation with you, and the fact you haven't looked terrified or called the police can only work in his favour.

What piqued his curiosity most of all though, is your threat to kick his ass.

(On Tekken, but still.)

So much confidence in your own ability, so much faith in your skills.

(On Tekken, but still.)

Alas, that night he finds out it's misplaced and you have severely overestimated himself and/or underestimated him.

But still. 

He remains curious about you.

You show absolutely no fear, no ulterior motive, no nothing, in the way you speak to him and seem to have latched on to him rather than anyone else in the class, and Gun is... 

Charmed.

He finds you oddly endearing.

Then when he sees the back of your head as he makes his way into the classroom for the first time and decides to sit next to you, the way you blatantly check him out doesn't hurt either.

People ogling Gun isn't anything new, but what is new is how much he likes it from you.

He makes up his mind to keep his seat next to you. Even if your gaze does linger a moment too long on his hair and makes him wonder if he used enough gel on it when he styled it that morning.

And although you caught him doodling and insult his masterpieces repeatedly - you also balanced it out by helping him with Literature, which truth be told, he is extremely grateful for. He forgives your missteps and your teasing.

Over time, Gun finds that he likes your company. Traits that would be annoying as shit with other people he finds sweet with you, including your unrefined taste in coffee.

As a bonus, you also don't balk at the tidbits of his life he shares. In fact it should really be a little troubling how grey your morals are, how easily you take it in stride for someone that seems like a normal well-adjusted(ish) civilian.

All in all, this never happens. Ever.

Never has anyone held his attention like you do, and for him to test the waters like he has done.

Gun likes to think he has good judgement, takes very calculated risks. This, he decides, is worth pursuing. Exploring.

With not so much a leap of faith but maybe just a tiny hop, Gun opens up his home to you.

.

.

.

.

You think you're in love with Gun Park.

This realisation hits you at 5am, when you're lying in his bed and he has done the gentlemanly thing of taking the sofa. It hits you because only a few hours ago, he had pulled you into his lap, looked at you and held you so tenderly then didn't kiss you.

The fact that he hadn't kissed you, and you're in love with a very questionable person sends you into a mental crisis.

Fuck.

He's secretive enough, letting you in on various elements of his life and you manage to piece together that he can only be up to no good.

There's no shades of grey in his life, only copious amounts of crimson from bloodshed, and a twisted sense of morals and principles he lives by.

You know by now he hangs around far too much with someone called Goo, who sounds like the personification of a headache and annoys him to no end but also seems to be the only friend he has. Speaks too highly of a Charles that you know is shady despite never having met the guy. There's also an Eli that he mentions like he's the one that got away.

You can live with all of that and the questionable amount of hair product he uses.

What you are in fact struggling to get to grips with is:

This man lives in a junkyard. Like some kind of violent, sexy raccoon.

A voice in your head that sounds scarily like your mother, lectures you about prospects and picking a man with no future.

Well, for one - he's back in school.

See mom, you're wrong.

He also seems to do very well for himself despite literally living amongst trash (you handwave away his blood money and unscrupulous methods to earn said money) so that's another point for Gun.

And what sort of person, who lives between piles of scrap metal and discarded appliances, has such a luxurious bed.

You're sure the bedding thread count is in the thousands. Instead of researching the cure to cancer or how to travel faster than light, scientists have researched the comfiest mattress known to man and has created this that you're currently lying on.

So maybe this violent sexy raccoon is actually a prize.

Regardless.

You seem to have hitched yourself quite willingly to this wagon and now your biggest issue, that leaves you tossing and turning into the early hours of the morning, is still-

Why the fuck didn't he kiss you.

And how could he, after sharing such a sweet moment, push you off his lap and kick your ass on Tekken for 5 straight rounds.

What a bastard.

.

.

At some point you must have drifted off to sleep and you awake to the smell of deliciousness.

Something is being fried and you melt thinking your raccoon king is cooking breakfast for you. Who knew he was this sweet and thoughtful.

What is even better though, somewhat masked by the sizzling, is if you listen hard enough, you think Gun might even be humming. Even the perfect bed can't keep you from pressing your ear up against the bedroom door when you connect the dots that he is humming a popular K-Pop song that you have listened to on loop 50 times the week prior.

You yank open the door with force, "A-ha!" and point in his direction, gleeful at catching him doing something so un-Gun like.

Gun, in the middle of plating 2 omelettes, whips his head to you and stills, looking like a deer caught in headlights or a raccoon caught in headlights, rather.

You ask him, with a shit eating grin,  if he's a big fan of the K-Pop group but it drops at his lack of reaction when he just shrugs and responds simply with a yes.

Damnit.

Of course you know it's not really anything to be ashamed of but it's so unexpected from Gun, that would it kill him to blush a little or act a little abashed? You expected something at least a little entertaining from his initial surprise, but you suppose anyone would act like that if a deranged house guest accosted them first thing in the morning after they so kindly made breakfast too.

As a consolation, after the let-down, you double take when you realise Gun had been cooking topless and remains topless this entire time.

In all his muscled glory. Pecs and abs and everything. Delicious broad shoulders and an enticing light trail of hair from below his belly button and stretching down, down, down into his sweatpants.

You gulp, trying to calm yourself down. You know you are staring so so obviously but you can't find it in yourself to look away.

Gun clears his throat as if to say my eyes are up here, and hands you a plate.

.

.

While you still have self control and before you outstay your welcome, you say bye to Gun after breakfast mentioning you have some errands to run.

It's a poor excuse but you didn't taste a bite of that omelette, brain too fixated on the man seated opposite and wondering if what he's hiding in his trousers matches the energy he gives off.

He offers to take you home and you insist on walking by yourself. You reason to yourself the fresh air after such a heady night and all the over excitement from this morning would do you good.

You say your goodbyes at his door, him leaning against the doorway, still unbearably tantalisingly shirtless and enough to distract you from the junkyard setting, with his arms folded and a smirk on his face as you stand there-

Standing and waiting and expecting.

You're pretty sure Gun wants to kiss you. There's a challenge in his eyes and you know he is teasing you.

The fact that you stared at him before like a slack-jawed moron also indicates full well what you would like him to do.

A goodbye kiss isn't too much to ask for (not that you're going to ask) but he continues to also lean and wait and smirk shirtlessly and god, this is the most awful hair-pulling frustrating game of chicken you have played.

For a moment you consider yanking him down and kissing him, hard and desperate, and making your way back inside to the most comfortable bed that has ever existed. For an even briefer moment you consider biting his pec and leaving a ring of teeth marks.

In the end, you can only muster "bye then," and to your dismay, your voice comes out whiny.

There's no hiding your disappointment.

Gun’s smirk grows wider at your tone and he relents and gives a peace offering in the form of a kiss on your cheek.

He pulls you into his body, arm wrapped around your waist and he dips down, grazes his lips featherlight to your cheek.

It's chaste. Impossibly tender and surprisingly sweet.

Damn.

You forget how to breathe and you feel like you're on fire as he murmurs bye into your ear. Later, you'll chastise yourself for letting Gun affect you like this with something so innocent.

You untangle from him and feel your legs wobble when you step off the porch and make your way back home.

Gun chuckles but you don't hear it.

You don't form a coherent thought again until that evening, when Gun beats you on Tekken and in a fit of rage and frustration, you finally break your controller.

.

.

To make things fair, Gun’s dislike of Literature is offset by how knowledgeable he is with Biology.

The human body, to be precise, and alarmingly so. Maybe serial killer levels of knowledge, with how much he knows about organs and muscles and tissues and everything in between.

He explains that it's useful for training, as if that's any explanation at all for his extensive knowledge. However, you've seen his body and heard enough about his past and yes, including his actual training, to realise that it does make sense in a way and you let it go.

Well.

Maybe you would have fought it a bit harder if you yourself was any good with biology but you're not. If he's great at it because he's a serial killer, then fortune favours the bold and you might as well take advantage of it.

Gun is a very very good teacher, which you did not predict and in a way you didn't expect.

His jaw is tense and the grip on the textbook tightens after you get the answer wrong for the 15th time and when you think he's about to whack you with said textbook, he closes his eyes and counts to ten.

When he opens them again, he tries another method with you. Then another. And another.

Truly, you did not think he had this sort of tolerance or patience.

He explains things simply and calmly (though you've noticed he has started to grit out his words). Unfortunately you still find all this theory hard to wrap your head around.

"Are you going to hit me?" You ask.

"Yes," Gun says though he doesn't. He looks more like he's going to ram his head through a wall. Neither happens and he continues to work through the textbook with you.

Hours later, it clicks.

You feel something of a genius even if Gun’s hair resembles a bird nest from the amount of time he has ran his fingers through in exasperation.

.

.

After finding out that you broke your controller, Gun buys you a new one immediately.

He's very generous and kind, you think, and it may be the first time in existence anyone has considered Gun as kind. 

Until you realise he has other reasons for doing so.

That night, and for several nights after too, Gun is merciless when he KOs you. Each match is shorter than the previous.

You register this is payback for the biology stint. It's got to be.

.

.

Nevertheless, because you're the bigger person and you take the defeats on the chin, as thanks and in an almost mirror image of Gun repaying your Literature help, you suggest taking him out for a coffee.

Getting a coffee to-go and hand delivering it would be much easier, but you can't bring yourself to order an espresso for someone even if it is their drink of choice.

You take him to one of your favourite coffeehouses. Somewhere much less lavish than the one he frequents and much more agreeable to your meagre pockets although the coffee is just as good.

"Two espressos," Gun says at the counter.

"One," you cut in firmly, holding yourself back from gagging. If you have to pay for it, you won't be drinking that bitter sludge. You rattle off your usual: a monstrosity made with double-digit syrup pumps and whipped cream and Gun flinches in your periphery.

Despite your insistence, he beats you to the punch and pays for the order anyway. Not before adding a jab that your coffee, if you can even call it a coffee, is the worst thing he has ever had the misfortune to spend money on.

"Try it," you offer, when your drink is in your hand and Gun watches every sip with mounting horror.

"No," His mouth is pressed into a thin line and he looks like he has half a mind to knock the cup out of your hand. He refrains, clenches his knuckles and rests them on his knee.

He closes his eyes and counts to ten.

You watch him, heartily enjoying your sugary drink and sucking noisily on the straw. He twitches and starts counting from one again. You feel a surge of affection.

.

.

Without any other plans, both of you amble together through the quiet streets. You window-shop as Gun smokes next to you and attempts to buy everything that you set your eye on.

You tell him thanks but no thanks and continue to look at pretty trinkets and funky decor. In the glass reflection, you notice Gun fondly looking at you.

"Hi," you smile, turning towards him. He looks more handsome than ever in the sunlight. You don't even mind the amount of gel in his hair.

"Hey," he says, low and hushed. He steps towards you, leaving only a hairbreadth of air in between and tips your chin up to face him with his fingers.

You notice his pupils are blown wide, flickering down to your lips. Gun dips down at the same time you press up onto your tiptoes, and you feel his chest against yours, his other arm winding around your waist, breath fanning over your skin-

This is it, you think, finally.

This, sadly, is not it.

"GUN!" you hear a voice screeching. You both tear your attention from each other to the shrill noise.

A blonde guy in the loudest suit you have ever cast your eyes upon is waving manically in your direction.

"Do you know him?" you ask and Gun's lips are thinner than you have ever seen.

"No."

"GUN!"  The blonde yells again and you raise an eyebrow at your companion.

His face looks pained as he tells you that is Goo Kim and when you ask if you both should go over and say hi, he snaps back absolutely not with a frown.

"Let's go," he says, lacing his fingers with yours and pulling you in the opposite direction. Behind you, you hear cackling and Gun hastens his footsteps as if being chased by a deranged spirit.

You don't see the blonde again for the rest of the day although Gun’s phone seems to be going off every other minute. 

The moment you had is never quite recaptured. You can't bring yourself to mind too much though, as Gun never lets go of your hand.

And everytime he catches you smiling at your hand in his, he gives you a light squeeze and returns the smile.

.

.

If you thought school would be all cutesy and you would take turns in helping each other with topics you're stuck on, you're wrong.

Turns out, both you and Gun are equally bad at math.

You watch, face blank, at your screen as the teacher explains algebra. At least, you think that’s what the jumble of numbers and letters are because your ears refuse to make sense of the words.

You search the monitor for Gun to see how well he is faring and find him staring dead-eyed.

Not very, then.

In class, you see Gun's textbook with some attempt at notes in the margin before devolving into his lewd stick men doodles that he still insists are fighting stances.

"You shouldn't cover your page in smut. No wonder you're bad at this." You tease.

He doesn't look at you, doesn't rise to the bait. Simply rebukes, "Your book is blank and you're still shit."

"Asshole," you hiss and his dead eyed stare is replaced with a smirk.

.

.

As it happens, Gun can be very convincing when he wants to be.

A fellow student trails behind Gun in the library, and offers to help you and him out with your lack of mathematical comprehension.

You ignore that the student seems absolutely terrified and keeps giving fearful glances to Gun as he peers at them menacingly.

So what if the convincing involves some light threats of bodily harm or whatever Gun has so charmingly offered if that means you will pass. Didn’t you already establish that you have questionable morals? You’re too set in your ways and there's no point fighting it now.

Neither of you get any further after a few hours, and it doesn't help that the student gets more and more nervous each time you and Gun get a question wrong.

Explanations devolve into stammering and barely strung together sentences as if their life depends on you both understanding basic algebra.

They let out a petrified squeak when Gun snaps his fifth pen in half, noticing he has no more pens and may very well come for their neck.

Maybe he will.

"Leave." Gun commands, pinching his nose bridge when he realises this is futile and the student scarpers off.

"I hate this," You say, dejected, and you watch Gun close his eyes and quietly count to ten.

.

.

As it happens, Gun can be very resourceful too when he wants to be.

The following week, the teacher trails behind Gun to the library and offers to help you both out.

He seems equally afraid, eyes flickering over to Gun, and you choose not to focus on that, instead smiling brightly at his kindness.

The teacher, gripping the textbook white knuckled, breathes a sigh of relief hours later when both you and Gun start to answer the questions correctly and with accurate workings too.

In your mind, you have both learnt something and he has avoided an ass kicking so you're all winners here.

Nevermind the fact that Gun would have been the one handing out the ass kicking. There's no need to focus on such details.

.

.

From this distance, you find a figure chain smoking again. You’re now so familiar with his body language, with his mannerisms, that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s Gun and clearly there’s also something playing on his mind.

He sucks a cigarette down to the filter and lights up another one immediately after.

You worry about the poor state of his lungs and if he looks like this when he’s only 20, then mid-life will actually hit him hard. His body must be running on fumes. He really should cut down on the cigarettes and the caffeine and get a better night's sleep instead of staying up all night gaming. 

Not that you’re one to talk.

Perhaps it’s due to how he’s on alert for your presence like you are to him, his eyes snap to yours the moment you start to make your way over.

“You ok?” you ask and he gives you a funny look. It’s the same look whenever you express interest in his well being, or any general interest in him at all, and you think poor guy.

“Fine,” he responds, finishing off another cigarette and flicking it onto the floor.

And another thing, he really shouldn’t litter.

You don’t hesitate to tell him so, and as your tongue unravels, you start to also mention the smoking and his health and how you’re worried about him. Yes he clearly works out but all the cigarettes and lack of sleep will take a toll on him eventually.

Gun’s eyebrows climb into his hairline at your words. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you notice that what was supposed to come across as caring is very much coming across as a lecture though you can’t seem to stop.

As you begin to mention the obscene amount of gel he wears in his hair, his expression turns from bemused to sour and he cuts you off.

“You can nag me at mine over Tekken.”

“I’m not nagging-” you start, and then you abruptly stop as your brain kicks into gear and it sinks in that he has invited you over to his again.

Oh right. His.

The junkyard. 

At some point, you’ve forgotten that you’re in love with the King of Raccoons. That this guy willingly lives in a shack in the middle of, what you can only politely describe as, garbage, and you wonder how your life has come to this.

Gun is patient as he waits for your answer and his eyes are warm. It doesn’t sway you though. You want to counter with No. Why don’t you come to mine then you remember his beautiful bed. Yes you’re getting ahead of yourself but if there’s a chance you get to experience it again, sure. You will come to his raccoon den.

You agree and he gives you the softest smile you have ever seen.

.

.

“Shit,” you say, crestfallen and hanging limply.

“Shouldn’t you be used to losing by now?” comes Gun’s voice and you want to bounce the controller off his head.

“Shut up.”

“Your combinations are weak and poorly timed. You don’t understand how to use your characters or their advantages and you have no idea how to counter my moves.”

As the killing blow to your ego and pride, he adds, "You won that time because I let you."

A part of you already knew that yet you still stare at him agape at his audacity. Sitting, manspreading, on his armchair while he casually assassinates your skills.

“I’m not wrong.” He says with a smirk.

“Shut up,” you repeat, standing up.

“I can train you.”

“Shut up,” you stalk over to him.

“Or what?” He sits back to look up at you as you hover over him. Chin lifted defiantly and his eyes daring.

“This,” you snap, gripping him by the front of his shirt and pulling him towards you. You’re sick of losing and you’re sick of waiting. 

You clash your lips together and feel Gun exhale sharply in surprise at your actions. He tenses, for a split second, before he tugs you into his lap and your legs straddle his thighs. His hand reaches under your top, sliding their way across your skin as you grind down. 

“Wait,” he murmurs, pulling away, lips glossy and gazing at you half-lidded. 

He leans back to look at you properly, removing his hand as you subconsciously chase his touch, then with gentle hands, he cups your face and grazes his thumb over your cheek.

The TV screen illuminates his features, light reflecting in his eyes and you find something you only saw an inkling of during that first night, but has grown strong and steady since.

Gun looks at you like he did then -  soft, like you might break. Holds you the same way he had done - tender and precious. 

Only this time, there’s a steeled resolve in his face as he presses your bodies together, capturing your lips against his once more and you melt into his embrace. He’s much more gentle than you were but there’s a hunger and quiet desperation as his tongue swipes over your lips and slips in your mouth.

Your fingers run through his hair, and you’re pleasantly surprised to find it soft. All this time there wasn’t too much gel at all.

.

.

Gun wakes up the next morning with you drooling into his collar bone.

You wake up after the best night sleep of your life - wrapped in Gun’s arms and in the most comfortable bed known to man.

[invinciblerodent]

This is going to be very ranty and disjointed, probably borderline incomprehensible post, but with the "return" of Dragon Age Discourse (and really, did it ever go anywhere?) and me repeatedly seeing the complaints and dismissals of DA:I as a "chosen one"-type of a narrative, I just.... I keep finding myself thinking about the relationship of truth and lies within the game.

Throughout the course of DA:I, the idea of a malleable, flexible personal identity, and a painful confrontation with an uncomfortable truth replacing a soothing falsehood, follows pretty much every character throughout their respective arcs.

There are some more obvious ones, Solas, Blackwall, The Iron Bull, their identities and deceptions (of both those around them and themselves) are clearly front and center in the stories told about them, but this theme of deception (both of the self- and the outside world) is clearly present in the stories of the others as well.

Like, for example, ones that come immediately to mind are stories like that of Cullen, who presents an image of a composed and disciplined military man, a commander- all to hide the desperate and traumatized addict that he sees himself as.

Dorian grappled with the expectations of presenting the image of the perfect heir to his father's legacy, the prideful scion of his house, his entire life (he even introduces himself as the result of "careful breeding", like one might speak about a prized horse)- all while knowing that his family would rather see him lobotomized and obedient, than anything even just resembling his vibrant and passionate self.

Cassandra calls herself a Seeker of Truth, and takes pride in that identity- only to learn that in reality, she has been made a liar, a keeper of secrets, without her knowledge or consent, and it is up to her to either uproot the entire organization and painfully cut out the abscess it is to build it back from the ground up into something respectable, or let the information she had revealed sit, and continue to fester.

And this theme continues and reframes itself in, among others, things like Sera's own inner conflict between her elven heritage and her human upbringing, or in Cole being caught in this unconscionable space in-between human and spirit, between person and concept, etc.

The Inquisitor isn't exempt from this either.

I feel like this is where the core of the many misunderstandings of this plot come from, why so many people continue to believe that Inquisition is a "chosen one" or "divinely appointed" type of story, because I think many might just... not realize, that the protagonist's identity is also malleable, and what they are told in the setup/first act of the game is not necessarily the truth.

The tale of the Inquisitor is the exact opposite of that of a "chosen one" story: it's an examination and reflection of the trope, in that it is the story of an assumption that all wrongly believe to be the truth, and thrust upon you, even if you protest. The very point is that no matter who you choose to say that you are, you will be known as the Herald of a prophet you don't even necessarily believe in, and then that belief will be proven wrong, leaving you to cope with either a devastating disappointment if you believed it, or a bitter kind of vindication if you didn't.

There's a moment just after Here Lies the Abyss (when you learn of the lie you've been fed your entire journey in the game) that I don't often see mentioned, but I think it's one of the most emotionally impactful character moments, if you are playing an Andrastian Inquisitor who had actually believed themselves chosen (which I realize is a rather unpopular pick, lol): it's when Ser Ruth, a Grey Warden, realizes what she had done and is horrified by her own deeds, and turns herself in asking to be tried for the murder of another of her order. As far as she is concerned, she had spilled blood for power, and regardless of whether she was acting of her own volition at the time, whether she had agency in the moment, is irrelevant to her: she seeks no absolution, but willingly submits to any punishment you see fit.

And only if you play as an Inquisitor who, through prior dialogue choices, had established themselves as a devout Andrastian, can you offer her forgiveness, for a deed that was objectively not her fault- not really.

You can, in Andraste's name, forgive her- even though you, at that point, know that you have no real right to do so. That you're not Andraste's Herald, that Andraste may or may not even exist, and that you can't grant anyone "divine forgiveness", because you, yourself, don't have a drop of divinity within you. You know that you were no more than an unlucky idiot who stumbled their way into meddling with forces beyond their ken.

You know you're a fraud. You know. The game forces you to realize, as it slowly drip-drip-drips the memories knocked loose by the blast back into your head, that what all have been telling you that you are up to this point, is false. And yet, you can still choose to keep up the lie, and tell this woman who stands in front of you with blood on her hands and tears in her eyes, that you, with authority you don't have, grant her forgiveness for a crime that wasn't hers to commit.

Because it's the right thing to do. Because to lie to Ser Ruth is far kinder than anything else you could possibly do to her, short of refusing to make a decision altogether.

There are any number of criticisms of this game that I can accept (I may or may not agree depending on what it is, but I'm from the school of thought that any interpretation can be equally valid as long as there's text that supports it, and no text that contradicts it), but I will always continue to uphold that the Inquisitor is absolutely not- and never was a "chosen one".

They're just as small, and sad, and lost, as all the other protagonists- the only difference is that they didn't need to fight for their mantle, because instead of a symbol of honor, it acted as a straitjacket.

[fairyminnie444]

— How to feel your desire in a natural way even if it seems unlikely?

Feeling the desire as something natural, even if it seems unlikely, is a matter of adjusting your mind and emotions to believe that it is already part of your reality. Here are practical steps to help with this process:

1. Reframe the Desire as Something Ordinary

• Start by changing your perception of the desire. Imagine that “winning $25k” or “being with your SP” is as normal as everyday things, like receiving a text message or finding money in your pocket.

• Tell yourself: “This is easy and natural. Many people have this, so I can have it too.”

2. Visualize Simple and Repeatedly

• Instead of imagining big events, visualize simple scenes that would already be natural after having the desire.

• For example, for manifest $25k:

• Imagine yourself opening your bank app and checking your balance.

• Visualize yourself smiling and thinking: “I knew this would happen.”

• For manifest your SP:

• Imagine a casual conversation or a loving message. • Feel comfortable in his/her company, as if it were something routine.

3. Use the Power of Gratitude

• Gratitude helps make any desire feel natural because you act as if you have already received it.

• Tell yourself:

• “I am so grateful to have $25k in my account. It came so easily!”

• “I am so happy to be in an amazing relationship with my SP. It is perfect!”

4. Affirm That It Is Already Yours

• Affirmations help convince your subconscious mind that the desire is already part of your reality.

• For the $25k:

• “Money always comes easily to me.”

• “I am naturally prosperous and wealthy.”

• For the SP:

• “I am loved and desired just as I am.”

• “Our relationship is harmonious and happy.”

Repeat these affirmations until they begin to ring true and normal.

5. Create Familiarity

• The mind finds unfamiliar things strange, so make the desire familiar:

• Watch videos of people who have what you want (but without envy, just to inspire).

• Pretend that it is already part of your daily life.

• For the SP, remember that he/she is already thinking about you and imagine this calmly.

6. Practice SATS

• Before going to sleep, enter a relaxed state (SATS) and imagine that the desire has already been fulfilled:

• For the $25k, visualize yourself buying something or transferring the money.

• For the SP, imagine an intimate moment together, such as holding hands or smiling.

Enter the feeling of happiness and naturalness. Make this a habit.

7. Let Go of the Desire

• Trust that the desire is already yours and do not obsess. Acting with “desperation” or “urgency” reinforces the idea that you do not yet have it. • Remind yourself: “If I already had this, how would I feel? Relaxed, confident, and at peace.” Act from that state.

8. Neutralize Doubts

• When thoughts like “This is unlikely” arise, don’t fight them. Instead, say:

• “No matter what, I know it’s mine.”

• “The impossible happens for me every day.”

9. Do Small Tests

• Manifesting smaller things, like finding a coin, receiving a compliment, or receiving a specific sign, helps strengthen your faith.

• When you see it working for smaller things, it will be easier to believe it will work for the $25k or the SP.

10. Be Consistent and Have Patience

• Making desire natural takes time and practice, especially if it seems unlikely. Persistence is what turns your imagination into reality.

• Remember: the only thing that matters is your belief and your internal state.

If you persist in the state of “I already have it,” without worrying about the details of “how,” the desire will become natural and will inevitably be reflected in 3D. Trust the process!

[hgb94]

The entire sequence of the Crownsguard vs. Goblin charade that Caleb pulls with Nott fascinates me. Caleb was trained to be ruthless and it shows. Compared to Nott who specifically "attacks" him with no intention to draw blood, he pulls no punches (literally), slamming her against the wall as hard as he can, punching her in the face hard enough to draw blood, calling her a "little green piece of filth," commenting on how he "beat her within an inch of her life" to the other Crownsguard that come up to help, he will do absolutely anything to get them out of this scrape. I think it says a lot about where he's come from, and also about his perspective on the Crownsguard / authorities that he believes they'll approve of this (and considering their clear disappointment when they find out they can't help him take out the "feral creature," yeah, he's got a point). But it also says a lot that afterward, he turns to Nott to repeatedly apologize and check the damage he did to see if she's alright. Caleb often paints himself as selfish (and yes, particularly in the earlier moments of the campaign, he definitively is) but however he might reframe his relationship with her as utilitarian in his mind, there is clear care and concern for her, and that capacity for attachment and love for another person is an instrumental factor in pulling him away from a dark path. She's the crack in his facade of selfishness, and she begins clawing that crack open wider, and wider, until that care begins to expand and encompass others as well. I’m looking forward watching to their conversation after Molly’s death, because in my memory that felt like one of the biggest turning points when she tried to push him to admit that his relationships weren’t solely utilitarian.

[unordinary-diary]

Thinking about how Blyke is actually insanely strong, even by the standards of his world, yet he gets his ass kicked for the entire story.

From episode one...

To the first actual fight he’s ever been in... (ch. 15) [Edit: second actual fight]

... to the approximate middle of the story... (ch. 197)

... Up through the very latest chapter as of me writing this— (ch. 345)

— Blyke repeatedly gets pummeled.

Over,

and over,

and over,

and over.

It’s really no wonder he gets insecure about it.

I mean, these screenshots were all taken from different fights. The amount of fights he’s won, on screen, without backup is... once or twice against Zeke, once against Gou (Agwin’s Jack from turf wars), and once as a vigilante solo act. That’s four, max. There could be more that I’ve forgotten, but I’ve read this series so many times and I really can’t think of any. (No, I don’t count firing a warning shots to get people to behave as “winning a fight”.)

compared to all the fights he’s been outmatched in? You’ve got Rein from turf wars, Volcan, John, John, John, Lennon from his vigilante solo stunt, John again, the fight in the Rowden amusement park, the attack on Rowden hill, Ember, and now the authorities in general. Possibly more that I forgot. That’s 11. He didn’t necessarily lose all those fights, but they’re fights where he was way out of his depth and/or would’ve lost without backup.

Anyway, point is: Blyke is no stranger to getting his ass kicked. In particular, he is no stranger to getting kicked while he’s already down.

In fact, I’m gonna take an example from the turf wars match in chapter 15: Blyke has already lost the fight with Rein, yet Arlo hangs him out to dry. Arlo is the one who’s supposed to call him back to get healed, yet he just smiles while the others look at him expectantly, and Blyke gets more and more injured. Even Rein is questioning it.

I could and honestly probably will do a whole analysis on just chapter 15, but eventually Seraphina calls him back for healing. The way Blyke was treated in that scene was kinda heartbreaking.

GOD chapter 15 is my favorite episode but it leaves me with so many questions grrr I wanna talk about it but that’s another entry.

Putting that aside, Blyke is very protective, and compassionate to the plight of others when he’s aware of it. After he sees the situation in Branish, he is immediately, rightfully pissed about the way society is. It opens his eyes to a world he hasn’t experienced, and it reframes how he thinks of John (still a “cripple” at the time).

To the actual point of this diary entry (other than rambling about Blyke, that is), John is another character who gets repeatedly kicked while he’s down. I don’t think I need screenshots to prove that. However, in my current reread of the series, I recently came across a certain panel that I do wish I had a screenshot of. It’s either Blyke or Seraphina who asks John “Why are you always kicking people while they’re down?” And John responds: “Because everyone kicked me when I was down!” And I think that’s a vivid contrast with Blyke, who has been kicked while he’s down, and chooses to protect people who are weaker than him. In particular, I want to point out that in order to protect them, Blyke is willing and actively chooses to get beaten quite brutally.

Mind you, this ^ is to protect people who he barely knows. He and Sera aren’t close, and the others are practically strangers.

It’s pretty much the inverse reaction. John says “Others kicked me while I was down, so I’ll do the same on everyone else tenfold.” Blyke says “I was kicked while I was down, and goddammit I will keep getting kicked if it means other people don’t have to.”

It’s such a cool parallel, and the fact that when John was getting kicked, Blyke was trying to help, but when Blyke was getting kicked, John was doing the kicking adds so many layers to it.

[flightfoot]

Honestly i would say the backlash is more due to how the fandom (more especifically the saltdom) built this image of Marinette being this saintly figure who is so mistreated by everybody in the show while the rest get relegated either into her sheep or her enemies So seeing her making this decision seems like the perfect opportunity to turn the tables and knock off the pedestal so many people put her in.

And trust me, I also get annoyed at people who act like Marinette is this flawless character no never does anything wrong, but there's better ways to criticize her character and call out the people who do so guys.

Eh... that might be a factor, but I think it's a minor one. I'm seeing these complaints even in places that haven't been continually swamped with Chameleon salt (also did people think the Chameleon salt ever went away? It's still popular on AO3), like on reddit.

I don't think most of the calling out of Marinette's character and her decisions is just to even the scales or anything like that. The complaints I've seen are legitimate, even if I think the vitriol is sometimes a little too much.

Chat Noir HAS emphasized since Season 2, with Syren, that he wants to be brought into the loop on information. Ladybug HAS repeatedly kept things from him that she should have told him about, like that she told someone else her identity, and that she gave Rena Rouge her Miraculous fulltime and was having her help them secretly. She HAS lied to Chat Noir before in order to manipulate him into unknowingly giving his identity away to a third party. Not out of malice towards him, but because she was afraid that he would make a decision that could lead to Su Han taking his Miraculous away. But still taking that decision, and the capacity to know that there WAS a decision, out of his hands.

And then in the finale, she told him a major lie, because she was afraid of how he'd react to the truth. Not out of malice, mind you, but it's still taking away the ability to decide how to feel for himself. And with the lie she told, she ended up having the same effect as gaslighting on him (reframing the horrible way Gabriel's been treating him lately, that Adrien had identified as being horrible, as being either not Gabriel's fault or actively being evidence of Gabriel being a good father), whether or not you think that Marinette's positive intentions with her lie takes it out of that category.

These ARE legitimate complaints, and not trying to just like, do to Marinette what the Chameleon saltdom tried to do to Adrien and Alya (especially Alya, that girl has been dragged through so much racist bullshit). The criticism I've seen because of this is based in some sort of recognizable form of reality. There's a lot of negativity towards Marinette, but it's not absurd.

[typellblog]

What the anime got wrong about Gilgamesh

So, we know Saber kinda gets shafted in the anime adaptations. She’s introduced in Zero, in which her role is a bit different from FSN, and then instead of adapting the introductory route, the one where we learn the most about her as a character, we skip straight to UBW.

Well, guess who else gets a similar treatment, where they’re first introduced to anime-only watchers via the prequel, and then we skip the route they’re supposed to be introduced in for one where they play a comparatively lesser role?

Illya, of course! And then the bastards cut her scenes from the HF movies as well.

Okay, but seriously, I want to talk about Gilgamesh. Now you might be thinking, Gilgamesh? What’s wrong with Gilgamesh? People liked Gil in Zero. Well, so did I, but reading the Fate route again, there are some interesting differences. I think examining his introductory scenes in both Zero and Fate makes this clear.

Brief recap for those who don’t remember: In Fate he appears near the end of the route, where he slaughters Caster and establishes himself as the final boss. In Zero he appears near the start of the story, where he slaughters Assassin (well, one of them), and establishes himself as a threat.

These scenes are remarkably similar; I wouldn’t be surprised if Urobuchi’s was an intentional homage (Zero does this a lot, compare the role that Lancer plays as Saber’s initial opponent in both).

The two key components here are that Gil is standing at a position higher than his opponent in order to display his superiority, and that his opponent gets utterly destroyed with no chance of fighting back.

That’s rare in any Fate fight scene, but it serves to establish that if Gil wants you dead, you’re dead. It’s a simple but effective formula, especially paired with his striking character design and Seki Tomokazu’s excellent voice acting.

There are two key differences, though. Firstly, Urobuchi is kind of cheating: Assassin is, by design, expendable. It’s only impressive that Gil dispatches him so quickly until you realise that he’s one of a hundred different Assassins. This was even a trick in-story, the plot concocted by Kirei and Tokiomi to conceal that Assassin is still alive.

Caster, on the other hand, is not expendable. She’s an important character who serves as a midboss in UBW and seems poised to serve the same role in Fate before Gil arrives. She’s in the middle of a tense fight scene with Saber and Shirou and is hinting at the hidden capabilities of her Noble Phantasm and everything! This, to be fair, is something that Nasu can only get away with due to the medium – in a visual novel, you can have the impact of a sudden subversion of expectation in one route while playing it straight in another, ensuring you don’t waste any setup or make readers feel cheated.

The second difference, and I think the more important one, is how we’re supposed to react to the scene as audiences. Zero’s version seems solely oriented around showing off how cool Gil is; Assassin gets about as much characterization as a plank of wood, meaning that the audience, as dispassionate spectators, are much closer to Gil’s point of view than anything.

FSN’s version, on the other hand, has a point-of-view character! And if there’s anything we know about Emiya Shirou by this point, it’s that he’s not a big fan of seeing women getting hurt.

As a result, it’s very easy for us to mentally reframe the scene as a person seeing another person getting brutally murdered. And it is brutal. Caster screams in agony as she desperately tries to escape, in contrast to Assassin who simply accepts his fate. The whole scene is dyed blood-red as she is repeatedly skewered by a barrage of Gil’s Noble Phantasms.

Gil isn’t just portrayed as impressive and powerful in this scene, he’s also cruel and awful. And that’s my first point:

1: Golden Man Bad

Gilgamesh is a surprisingly offputting individual.

From his voice (Shirou describes his laugh as ‘irritating’), to his mannerisms (remember the way he blocks Saber’s blows by just covering his head with his hands?), to his unbelievably weird facial expressions, he’s the epitome of an unlikeable villain.

In Zero, we see Gil at his best: sexy, dominating and intelligent. He’s still not a very nice guy, but his bursts of anger all fall on characters we aren’t particularly sympathetic to. In FSN his casual cruelty is made more apparent and more objectionable. (Need I remind the reader of what he does to Illya in UBW?)

In Zero Gil’s constant boasting asserts his confidence and power; in FSN it just makes him kind of seem like a douchebag.

The core qualities that people like about Gil, and make him a cool character to watch, are still there in Fate, but they’re tempered by a lot of reasons to not like him, which barely show up in Zero.

Basically, in FSN Gil seems to have been conceived as the type of villain you love to hate, while in Zero he leans way into the role of a villain you love to love. The subject of how he's portrayed in FGO, CCC or Strange Fake is beyond the bounds of this post to address, but I do think the popularity of his appearance in Zero had some influence there.

2: Sexism

Strictly speaking it’s a subset of the above point as it’s a big part of what makes him so unlikeable, but I think it’s interesting enough to deserve its own discussion, considering it’s much more noticeable here than in other entries.

Just a quick reminder of some of his greatest hits:

The fact that Gil is objectifying Saber specifically because of her gender is obvious, and interestingly enough Shirou is the one who pushes back against it. There’s a real comparison to be made between the two insofar as they are both trying to win her over in the latter stages of the story.

Gil ascribes to a similar perspective to Saber when it comes to the roles people should play. He just thinks that Saber should abandon her role of king in favour of the role of woman, which in Gil’s view is characterized by a set of obligations that include marrying a man and basically becoming his slave.

On the other hand, Shirou is strongly opposed to denying people’s humanity based on arbitrary categories. That’s why, in the early parts of the route, he . . . repeatedly emphasizes the fact that she’s a girl? It probably sounded better in Nasu’s head.

Regardless, the point is that Shirou sees Saber as a human, while Gil sees her as an object. So, there you have it. Emiya Shirou, ally of social justice.

Now, I don’t think Zero is necessarily a worse portrayal of Gil than Fate. In many ways it’s more interesting, and in fact, I think they’re complimentary. Which nicely leads into my last point (wow, it’s almost like I planned the structure of this post before I wrote it):

3: His defeat

For a moment, put yourself in the shoes of an anime-only fan who has started with Zero, just about to watch UBW (yeah, I know, ew).

The main takeaway from Zero seems to be that the bad guys always win. People who pursue their dreams are idiots who will inevitably fail, even if their dreams are really cool (looking at you, Iskandar). A thorough victory for Gil’s ideology of self-centeredness, and a large factor seems to be that he doesn’t care - from his perspective, he already won like three thousand years ago!

So, going into UBW, the characters that we’re attached to, whose stories we really want to see the end of, are Gil and Kirei. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we want them to win – we’d be fine with them losing, just so long as they do something.

And then Gil gets shot in the head and swallowed by a black hole. Shirou wins, but it’s hard to say that Gil loses. After all, Shirou’s whole deal is that he doesn’t need external enemies – the one he must fight is his own image (UBW takes this line very literally). All well and good for the Shirou fans – i.e. the people who began the story at the correct point – but those excited for what they were expecting to be a culmination of Gil’s character arc might understandably be a little disappointed.

To those people I say: read Fate!

In this route, Gilgamesh’s final battle is against Saber, not Shirou. Saber, a person he knows prior to the beginning of the story due to the events of Zero. Saber, the person who serves as his primary motivation and goal during the story. Saber, the person with whom he has significant ideological disagreements about the nature of kingship with!

Just as Ea, embodiment of the cold, hard Truth of the world, proves superior to Iskandar’s dream by destroying Ionian Hetairoi, so too does Avalon, the symbol of everything Artoria fought for, prove able to endure Ea’s destructive power. It’s a perfect conclusion to the questions asked in the Banquet of Kings.

UBW, for the Zero fan, does not reveal anything new about Gil’s character. But Fate does. We get his single best quote!

Not only is Gil implicitly justifying Artoria’s own unobtainable dream as valuable, but he also identifies himself with her, as a fellow pursuer of that which cannot be obtained.

The contradiction at the heart of their conflict is that Gil wanted Artoria precisely because she was the kind of person to refuse him. What attracted him to her was the stubborn idealism of her kingship, not the subservience he expects from a woman. So, there’s no actual way for Gil to end up satisfied, even if he wins.

His plan was to force Artoria to drink Grail mud to physically incarnate her, driving her insane, but even if he could make her submit to him without that, she would still be tainted, still be fundamentally less valuable to him by the mere fact of being his possession.

In realizing this, he accepts his defeat, unlike in other routes. He couldn’t stand the idea of losing to inferior copies of his treasures in Unlimited Blade Works, but Artoria’s Noble Phantasms were never in his treasury to begin with. And after owning everything in existence for thousands of years, the things you don’t have start to look a lot more alluring than anything you already do.

This is the fifth of roughly thirty analytical essays on Fate/Stay Night that I will be reposting here (with some edits) from Reddit.

It was once pointed out to me that this one was where my posts started 'getting good' so to speak. Hopefully this time round the rough start has been softened a bit.

[vivalamusaine]

So looks like one of the Oceangate subcontractors is already trying to change the narrative of the massive amounts of oversight and safety issues on the sub.

“It seems kind of cheesy, but if you knew the amount of technology that was packed in that controller and its capabilities, and the amount of money that it costs to develop something like that, it's just off the charts,” he said.

Completely ignoring the fact that the CEO had a investors buy into the project and his own net worth in the multi millions. One of these investors is B Dash Ventures which will typically invest 1.5 million into a project.

The most egregious quote from Doug "DJ" Virnig to me is the following:

Virnig said Titan’s pressure hull had passed tests at the non-profit Woods Hole Institute, which subjected it to the pressure found at the depth of the Titanic wreck — but the question was how it would perform over time.

“Well, if you do that repeatedly, then what happens?” he said.

“So these are the sorts of questions that if you have a long research and development program, you start answering. But if you really are pushing the envelope, there's no time to — you're answering those questions in real time.”

This isn't some new unexplored scientific venture where WE JUST DIDNT KNOW THE DANGER UWU. Oceangate was warned multiple times about the danger of their craft, they willfully ignored it and fired employees who brought it up. Titan was offered to undergo a voluntary safety inspection and REFUSED. Even though the team who offered told them a safety incident would not only affect Oceangate but the industry and research as a whole.

Trying to reframe these fuckers as brave innovators who just wanted to learn and not the blatant ego fueled hubris project it was is so scummy. They didn't want to learn they refused knowledge at every turn.

Don't be shocked to see this narrative repeated either, the media isn't stupid they have powerful investors, they've seen the public reaction to this and they are trying to protect their own assets and values.

DJ Virnig is probably just trying to protect his own ass as his work on oceangate is posted all over his linkedin but shame on the journalists who do not push back in the slightest on this.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Something to also consider regarding WW Ganon's whole wind speech is that a lot of it is still mired in Orientalism and a lot of the tropes surrounding SWANA people and the desert aesthetic as a whole imo.

A key component of the desert in a lot of orientalist narratives is that the "east" is a barren desert full of backwards, uncivilized people who are oppressive to women and thus in need of saving and intervention from the "west." (Oversimplifying for brevity)

It's usually there to reframe the conversation on colonialism since it tries to erase the people there. It helps normalize the line of thinking that "hey, nobody was here anyway and anyone who was really needed our help, so we were doing everyone a favor."

In the context of Zelda, you can see that in how the Hylians are so closely associated with a connection to godhood and everyone orbits around them narratively and geographically.

In that sense, Ganon's coveting can be seen as a form of the game evoking pity without necessarily framing him as sympathetic, as if to say "of course he would hate this crappy place, what's there to like? Hyrule is vibrant, beautiful, and lively while the Gerudo are backwards, patriarchal, and in such a backwards way of living. Of course they'd envy us."

Ganon's character is intrinsically tied to the desert and our conception of it, which Zelda repeatedly shows as inhospitable and full of every stock racial trope imaginable. In OoT Ganon is referred to as some variation of "the wicked man of the desert."

It reminds me a lot of how people deliberately picture Africa as full starving orphans and uncivilized, but does so as a form of erasure.

It shows in the more sympathetic Gerudo too, like how Nabooru is presented as a heroic character, but she's sympathetic because she rejects the ways of her culture. The way we feel about the characters like Ganon and Nabooru are reliant upon us agreeing on a lot of basic ideas about the desert and the people who live there.

She's not really a character that escapes the issue by being heroic, since her heroism is defined by the same narrative that presents Ganon as wicked.

How we think of the Gerudo people as a whole and their relationship with the desert exists in relation to a bunch of real-world ideas of how SWANA people are treated. Something to consider I guess.

Hey, thank you so much for sending this ask!

I mean, I completely agree, and these are all great and necessary points to make. To be transparent, I do take the whole "wind" thing pretty metaphorically and not literally, as a stand-in for the Goddesses' favor basically, as well as some sort of subdued commentary on privilege and inherited oppression, principally because it would make sense for this version of Ganondorf to consider any effect on the landscape as a voluntary act of punishment by the Goddesses considering the flood and his previous monologue about the sea, but I fully recognize the games themselves do not go nearly as far.

In fact, "bad wind" remains an awfully convenient problem for the gerudos to have, since it exists without apparent cause. It's a case of bad luck, not anything constructed and maintained against them, certainly not anything the hylians could be responsible for in any way. So while this looks sympathetic, it is pitying and could theoritically be solved through, well. Submission. Not unlike the "solution" developed in both BotW and TotK that push against gerudo boundaries repeatedly, demand their loyalty and romantic devotion (framed as goodness, partially through pointed ears associated with "good" faith in the series as opposed to their "evil god" in OoT), and will have the hylians come and teach them how to survive in their own desert.

And fully agreed for Nabooru. Her moral balance never made sense to me, unless you come at it from a hylian (= "player" as conceived by Nintendo) perspective.

[ironsharkkryptonite]

Our brains are wired in fascinating and sometimes frustrating ways when it comes to memory, imagination, and perception. Here’s a deeper dive into why we can so easily make up or distort stories in our minds—and why those stories feel so real:

1. Memory is Constructive, Not Accurate

Our brains don’t store perfect recordings of events. Instead, every time we recall something, we reconstruct it from bits and pieces, filling in gaps with assumptions and emotions. Over time, memories can become more like a story or blend with other experiences, feelings, or imagined events. That’s why neuroscience says that memory is a “reconstructive process.” So, if you’re constantly adding doubts or worries, those can become part of the narrative you recall or replay.

2. Imagination Feels Like Reality to the Brain

The brain can’t always tell the difference between what’s real and what’s vividly imagined. Research using brain scans shows that when we visualize something, similar areas of the brain are activated as when we experience that event in real life. If you keep imagining worst-case scenarios, your brain feels the same emotional impact as if those events actually happened. This process makes the imagined fears or negative outcomes feel real and creates stress responses as though the event is happening.

3. The Power of Repetition and Reinforcement

When we repeatedly focus on a particular thought or scenario, we strengthen the neural pathways related to that thought. It’s like creating a shortcut in your mind: the more you think it, the easier and quicker it is to think it again. Over time, those pathways become default responses, making it seem like you have “automatic” negative thoughts or assumptions. But here’s the powerful part—this works for positive repetition, too. You can build up those positive “shortcuts” until they become automatic.

4. The Brain’s Default Mode Network (DMN)

The DMN is a network of brain regions that becomes active when we’re daydreaming, reflecting, or imagining the future. It’s where our mind often drifts, creating stories about ourselves, others, and what might happen. When you default to thinking about worst-case scenarios or fears, your DMN is reinforcing a story that isn’t grounded in reality but feels real because of the emotional intensity you attach to it.

5. Confirmation Bias and Emotional Memory

We tend to pay more attention to information that confirms our existing beliefs, even if those beliefs aren’t helpful. So, if you’re expecting a negative outcome, your brain will highlight anything that seems to support it, reinforcing the story. This is why you may feel like “evidence” keeps popping up that confirms your doubts, when really it’s your brain choosing to filter reality based on what you expect.

6. How to Break the Cycle

• Consciously Choose Better Thoughts: Deliberately create positive stories, even if they feel unfamiliar or “fake” at first. The more you practice them, the more natural they’ll feel, and the more your brain will reinforce those pathways.

• Reframe Negative Thoughts: When a negative thought arises, stop and reframe it to something positive. For example, replace “What if he leaves me?” with “He loves me deeply and only wants me.”

• Visualize Positive Outcomes Vividly: By engaging your emotions and senses in positive visualizations, you’re helping your brain get used to feeling good in those imagined scenarios, reducing the grip of fear-based ones.

Ultimately, your mind is highly adaptable, and with consistent effort, you can train it to work in favor of what you want, rather than what you fear. The key is persistence in creating and reinforcing the thoughts that align with your ideal life and self-image.

[wonder-worker]

Elizabeth Woodville historians challenge:

Try and actually read contemporary primary sources rather than relying entirely on Tudor chronicles and your own imagination to prove your point

Try and actually reassess contentious aspects of life instead of simply pretending they don’t exist (or rewriting and reframing them to make it seem like they weren’t that bad/complicated) to make your own job easier

Try and make your discussions revolve around Elizabeth herself rather than repeatedly de-prioritizing her and disregarding her own circumstances her in favor of others (usually Edward IV, “the Woodvilles”, or Margaret of Anjou)

End result: It'll actually feel like you're "reassessing" or "defending" her rather than making hollow sympathetic claims that you are while not actually contributing anything substantial, relevant or accurate about her queenship and her life

(I'm not going to rant about the godawful text I just read which prompted this because I value my blood pressure, but suffice to say that this is a repeated pattern when it comes to historical analyses about her. Yet another example being her most academic biography till date)

[matoitech]

sanji is one of those weird as fuck cases where a character that is just a disgusting piece of shit is beloved by a fandom that ignores the actual character in front of them bcuz they think he’s hot. he gets like every free pass bcuz ppl want to fuck him or jack it to pretending he fucks zoro. he’s a typical sleazebag misogynistic creep character trope so common in shounen but he���s a white adult man ppl apparently find attractive so they don’t care that he sucks. every disgusting misogynistic moment he has is reframed by fandom as him being so obsessed with women bcuz he’s a Feminist and not what he actually canonically repeatedly is, a Creep (or the worst ‘interpretation’.. bcuz hes Truly At Heart A Woman.. there aren’t enough words in the english language to start with how much these ppl need to be beaten over the head with hammers). it is repulsive to me. if there r no sanji haters than i am dead.

[fairyminnie444]

tw

Hi! How to know if my thoughts became an assumption? I get a lot of negative thoughts about if I do/don't do something, I'll die or something bad will happen to me, so I do/avoid doing some actions. Today I wasn't able to do some particular action (the thought that I must do it or I'll die didn't cross my mind before) and I'm afraid it will manifests because I had a thought that not doing it will lead to death, but despite this thought I didn't do it so I should've change the thought at that moment. Also, I see/hear people who passed away/the mentions of death or a lot lately, have thoughts that I jinx everything while thinking some good thoughts(I don't even know where this shit comes from, I never believed in jinx before), pay attention to words from TV/other people/something elese that contradict my good thoughts and this discourages me.

It sounds like you’re dealing with a cycle of intrusive thoughts that can be overwhelming, but the good news is that none of these have power unless you give them consistent belief and attention.

1. Thoughts Become Assumptions When Focused On: A single negative thought won’t manifest unless you repeatedly believe and dwell on it.

2. Detach from Negative Thoughts: Acknowledge them calmly, remind yourself they hold no power, and shift focus to positive or neutral thoughts.

3. Reframe Your Reactions: Not acting on a fear-based thought shows you’re not giving it power—this is progress.

4. Ignore Signs: Seeing mentions of death or “bad omens” is just your brain noticing patterns, not signs of manifestation.

5. Replace Fearful Thoughts: Use affirmations like, “I’m safe, and my thoughts only create good things.”

6. Build Positive Assumptions: Consistently affirm beliefs aligned with safety and happiness, e.g., “I’m in control of my reality.”

7. Calm Your Mind: Use grounding techniques, meditation, or journaling to reduce overwhelm and reinforce your inner peace.

One thought doesn’t define your reality unless you choose to let it. You’re in control.

[angryteapott]

I will say that mysterious lotus casebook is a personal favorite kind of tragedy, because to me it derives not from wry twists of genuine chance or an inevitability, but instead from someone who could change but refuses to. My take is:

Li Lianhua sees himself as a dead man completing his business and leaving a very specific legacy, making his demise inevitable, but that is repeatedly and pointedly not true. It's him who's ignoring the world around him so he doesn't have to admit it's something awful he wants, not the reality of the world. There are times where he could've been healed. There are times he could've lived longer. There are especially times where he could have lived well and honestly with the people around him, even if his time were short, but he runs away from every opportunity to do so, making up more and more unfinished business as he goes along. He pushes the life and reactions he needs for his narrative on Fang Duobing, Qiao Wanmian, and Di Feisheng repeatedly and cruelly. She isn't comforted by his death, she's comforted by knowing he was alive for the past ten years and if he had to die she'd be comforted by being allowed to do what she could. They don't want to fight each other to see who's on top of the martial world, they want his company, and if that's not possible I can't see them wanting to do it in its own right. And this ignorance is willful, because THEY TELL HIM THAT! Li Lianhua claims he appreciates the simple life he had, but while I think he enjoyed it I don't think he digested it. It's convenient for him to see the world a certain way, and so he does. Take Fang Duobing! It takes so long for Li Lianhua to realize this man's desire to be in the martial world isn't the shallow desire of a spoiled rich boy. Not only did he believe the latter, he repeatedly overrode Fang Duobing's agency over it with manipulation, drugs and his aunt, even when the kid pointedly decides to trust him (of course Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng ignore his agency just as much, which is part of what make their interactions so interesting). He's guilty about his arrogance causing so much mayhem, but he fails to see that much of his arrogance was him being incapable of incorporating other's actual desires and opinions instead of what he thinks is best for them, not simply his desire to be the best. Often, he reframes his desires as other's needs while ignoring what they verbally say to him instead of just admitting it's about want he wants.

Li Lianhua isn't a man who wishes to shake off the past, he's a man who wishes to keep it frozen by either running away from or living in it, and when the future creeps in and grows, he pulls out the weedwhacker. He isn't a ghost. He's just a man who refuses to listen.

[hypergamiss]

Hi there! I've been going through some difficulties repeatedly in my academics and life in general that i want to resolve once and for all and make sure it's in the past. I've been having issues during my viva and a massive inferiority complex over others having more practical experience than me in my field and not being good enough. I thought the baggage of my teens and my self concept back then had gotten better but these patterns keep making an appearance and reminding me how much time I've lost over these issues. I've come to the conclusion over the years that i have a habit of putting myself down and the negative self talk is reducing my chances of getting better at anything. I'm so frustrated that I'm this way because I repeatedly get told that I'm an excellent student and I have a bright future ahead but my own perception of myself is so distorted that it's coming in the way of achieving things. What's more is that people can see this inferiority much more than before. Obviously it's hard to miss due to my behaviour and that makes me an easy target too. Ik i should try to find the solution myself but i really need another person's POV and opinion on where I could start. I've decided this year is going to mark the end of my negative self concept! I'd be very grateful for your advice. Thank you ❤

It sounds like you're taking a fantastic first step towards conquering that negativity! Recognizing these patterns and actively seeking ways to break free is a powerful move. Here are some ideas to get you started on your journey towards a more positive self-image:

Challenge the Voice in Your Head:

Fact-check your thoughts: When that inner critic starts whispering, stop and question its validity. Are those thoughts based on facts or just negative self-talk?

Reframe the narrative: Instead of "I'm not good enough," try "This is a challenge, and I'm going to learn from it."

Focus on Growth:

Celebrate small wins: Every step forward counts! Did you ace a quiz? Did you present your ideas more confidently during class discussions? Acknowledge these achievements, no matter how small.

Embrace "yet": When comparing yourself to others, remember they too started somewhere. Instead of "They're so much better," try "They're experienced, and I can get there yet."

Self-Compassion is Key:

Forgive past mistakes: We all make them. Learn from them and let go of the guilt or shame.

Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that make you feel good – exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones. A healthy you is a more confident you.

Seek Support:

Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist: Sharing your struggles can be incredibly helpful. A professional can provide guidance and tools to manage negativity.

Additional Resources:

Explore online resources like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques for managing negative thoughts.

Consider self-help books on building self-esteem and overcoming imposter syndrome.

Remember: Change takes time and effort. Don't get discouraged if you have setbacks. Celebrate your progress, and keep reminding yourself of how far you've come. You've got this!

Here's a bonus tip:

Write down your positive qualities and goals. Reviewing them regularly can be a powerful way to combat negativity.

You've already made a great decision to take control of your self-image. This year can absolutely be the year you leave your negative self-concept in the past! Keep going, you've got a bright future ahead. 🤍

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: SEGM

Published: Jun 21, 2023

In a new peer-reviewed commentary published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, author, Dr. Sarah Jorgensen, argues that the medical community has a professional responsibility to recognize detransitioners as survivors of iatrogenic harm and provide them with the comprehensive medical and supportive care that they deserve.

Jorgensen notes that proponents of gender-affirming medical interventions have attempted to downplay regret and detransition as vanishingly rare based on outdated studies that are not applicable to cohorts of adolescent trans identifying females presenting to gender clinics today. They refuse to admit that the gender-affirming model is failing some patients and have instead tried to reframe detransition as neutral or even positive outcome, proposing euphemisms such as “gender journey,” “identity exploration,” or “dynamic desires for gender-affirming medical interventions,” to replace the term “detransition."

“Rather than acknowledging the severity of the problem or that the medical community bears responsibility for the harm done to these young people, the message is that there have been no mistakes - the situation is dynamic.”

Instead of asking what went wrong, what was missed, and what could have been done differently to prevent inappropriate medical transitions, proponents of gender-affirming care repeatedly make appeals to authority, “every major medical association in the United States supports gender-affirming care for minors,” seemingly oblivious to the move away from American-style affirmation-on-demand in many European countries:

“A growing number of health authorities in countries that were once proponents of youth medical transition are now changing practice and prioritizing psychotherapy and treatment of co-occurring developmental, psychosocial, and mental health problems after their own systematic reviews found the evidence supporting gender-affirming medical interventions to be weak and uncertain.”

Many detransitioners report that they find it challenging to access clinicians who can advise them on what to expect when discontinuing hormones or who have the knowledge and training to manage enduring adverse effects of hormonal therapies and surgical complications. Jorgensen notes that there is currently no guidance on best practices for clinicians involved in the care of detransitioners:

“The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) recently published its eighth Standards of Care document and chose not to include a chapter on detransition (Coleman et al., 2022). Likewise, the Endocrine Society’s Clinical Practice Guidelines for Gender-Dysphoria/Gender-Incongruence offers no advice on how to safely stop hormonal therapies (Hembree et al., 2017). The American Academy of Pediatrics failed to acknowledge the possibility of regret and detransition in their policy statement on care for children and adolescents with gender dysphoria (Rafferty et al., 2018).”

Jorgensen highlights multiple areas of uncertainty that will require open discussion and a commitment to clinical collaboration and research to resolve.

“We do not know what is driving the sharp rise in the number of young people being diagnosed or self-diagnosing with gender dysphoria (Cass, 2022; Kaltiala-Heino, Bergman, Tyolajarvi, & Frisen, 2018; Zucker, 2019). Likewise, we do not know why the case mix has rapidly shifted from predominantly young boys and middle-aged men to primarily adolescent females with complex mental health problems and neurodiversity (Aitken et al., 2015; Kaltiala-Heino et al., 2015; Zucker, 2019). The natural trajectory of transgender identification in this novel cohort is uncertain and we cannot predict who will be helped by gender-affirming medical interventions or who will be harmed. The long-term safety and effectiveness of these interventions is yet unknown (Hembree et al., 2017; Ludvigsson et al., 2023; NICE, 2020a, 2020b).” 

Importantly, Jorgensen emphasizes that “we miss out on urgently needed data that could improve the outcomes of future patients by ignoring detransitioners.”  

SEGM's Thoughts

The rate of medical detransition in the Western countries currently stands at 10-30% and is expected to grow. A number of the detransitioned patients will have permanent unwanted changes to the bodies and adverse long-term impacts on their physical and psychological health.

There is an urgent need to recognize detransition as a new phenomenon, and to structure the healthcare system in order to support this vulnerable patient population. However, due to the novelty of the detransition phenomenon, no diagnostic or procedure codes currently exist that either accurately capture the detransitioned patients' condition, or ensure provider reimbursement for the medical and mental health services that patients will need. 

For this reason, it is urgent that the medical community initiate a conversation about what types of diagnostic and procedure codes are necessary to ensure the provision of high quality care to the individuals who detransition.