#This post was mainly just to ramble about him
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please remember that this is all my personal thoughts and i might be wrong about some of the things. it is critical. this started off as one specific topic about solas and then ended up turning into more of a ramble. i guess? anyways spoilers for veilguard under the keep reading line.
i wish my brain worked properly sometimes because i really want to know why i feel like they didn't write solas cohesively enough. to me, he is the best part of datv. and no, it's not because i romanced him in inquisition. actually, i could never finish his romance because he was such a know-it-all and it would annoy me lol. (it's because i'm a know-it-all and know-it-alls tend to clash. i plan on forcing myself through it one day though.) despite him annoying me, i liked him as a character. i liked his reveal, the moral greyness of him.
i think mainly my problem is how they presented his morals and why he wants to tear down the veil. it feels like they couldn't decide how to focus him. so originally he's tearing down the veil because it was a mistake and wants the world to go back to the way it was so the days of the ancient elves - specifically after the evanuris are gone - could return, at least that's what i got from it.
then at the beginning of veilguard, it suddenly it feels like tearing the veil down is just a byproduct of him needing to move the last of the evanuris to a better prison. huh? in my head i always thought that solas was ready to fight the evanuris when the veil is brought down because he's willing to take the risk of dealing with them just to bring the old world back. maybe that's too headcanon-y? also i never got around to reading the books or comics fully so i might have missed some details.
then at the end it's "i must do this for mythal or her sacrifice would be for nothing" or whatever he said. huh? i don't get why it's suddenly about mythal, even with the regret murals showing how close they were. it should be about him and all he sacrificed, only for it to not go the way he wanted. without even talking about what was revealed in the regrets murals, he sacrificed the world he knew to lock the evanuris (and forgotten ones) away to try and make life better for the common elves, the slaves.
i don't know how well that last paragraph comes off. i'm just saying that it felt like it didn't belong. his whole story is about regrets, yes. makes sense. he regrets the events that happened because of the veil mistakenly happening. he regrets what's in the murals (which i might talk about in another post because :/) but the game acts like him tearing down the veil is just selfish. there's no other nuance there, it's just selfish. huh? there is so much nuance to this position, in my opinion, that i can't even figure out how to write it.
okay so i've officially lost my train of thought about this original topic, which means i don't know what else to put. i'll just say that i feel dumb that i don't understand it while it feels like everyone else does. also i don't understand why i dislike how everything ended for him. it was like someone punched me when lost elf started playing because this ending didn't feel right. and i don't know why. (that one ending... "i am a god!" bffr he would NAWT FUCKING say that.)
also let me just quickly state that i do not think they should have made the evanuris, and elves, originally spirits. it takes away the fantasy in a the fantasy story, is the best way to say it. i know it sounds weird, but... mysteries are good. not everything needs an explanation. we could have had the mystery of "what were the evanuris?" if they kept them as just gods instead of explaining them. just have the reveal be that the gods weren't good to their subjects and are all-powerful. no need to explain all the time.
this has nothing to do with how much i wanted to fight actual gods (i did. i wanted to go up against actual gods other than the archdemons. and we know that reveal :/ ) or even how much more impactful it would have made solas's history.
#dragon age veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#solas#solas dragon age#dragon age critical#veilguard critical#datv critical
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Thinking about how Blyke is actually insanely strong, even by the standards of his world, yet he gets his ass kicked for the entire story.
From episode one...
To the first actual fight he’s ever been in... (ch. 15) [Edit: second actual fight]
... to the approximate middle of the story... (ch. 197)
... Up through the very latest chapter as of me writing this— (ch. 345)
— Blyke repeatedly gets pummeled.
Over,
and over,
and over,
and over.
It’s really no wonder he gets insecure about it.
I mean, these screenshots were all taken from different fights. The amount of fights he’s won, on screen, without backup is... once or twice against Zeke, once against Gou (Agwin’s Jack from turf wars), and once as a vigilante solo act. That’s four, max. There could be more that I’ve forgotten, but I’ve read this series so many times and I really can’t think of any. (No, I don’t count firing a warning shots to get people to behave as “winning a fight”.)
compared to all the fights he’s been outmatched in? You’ve got Rein from turf wars, Volcan, John, John, John, Lennon from his vigilante solo stunt, John again, the fight in the Rowden amusement park, the attack on Rowden hill, Ember, and now the authorities in general. Possibly more that I forgot. That’s 11. He didn’t necessarily lose all those fights, but they’re fights where he was way out of his depth and/or would’ve lost without backup.
Anyway, point is: Blyke is no stranger to getting his ass kicked. In particular, he is no stranger to getting kicked while he’s already down.
In fact, I’m gonna take an example from the turf wars match in chapter 15: Blyke has already lost the fight with Rein, yet Arlo hangs him out to dry. Arlo is the one who’s supposed to call him back to get healed, yet he just smiles while the others look at him expectantly, and Blyke gets more and more injured. Even Rein is questioning it.
I could and honestly probably will do a whole analysis on just chapter 15, but eventually Seraphina calls him back for healing. The way Blyke was treated in that scene was kinda heartbreaking.
GOD chapter 15 is my favorite episode but it leaves me with so many questions grrr I wanna talk about it but that’s another entry.
Putting that aside, Blyke is very protective, and compassionate to the plight of others when he’s aware of it. After he sees the situation in Branish, he is immediately, rightfully pissed about the way society is. It opens his eyes to a world he hasn’t experienced, and it reframes how he thinks of John (still a “cripple” at the time).
To the actual point of this diary entry (other than rambling about Blyke, that is), John is another character who gets repeatedly kicked while he’s down. I don’t think I need screenshots to prove that. However, in my current reread of the series, I recently came across a certain panel that I do wish I had a screenshot of. It’s either Blyke or Seraphina who asks John “Why are you always kicking people while they’re down?” And John responds: “Because everyone kicked me when I was down!” And I think that’s a vivid contrast with Blyke, who has been kicked while he’s down, and chooses to protect people who are weaker than him. In particular, I want to point out that in order to protect them, Blyke is willing and actively chooses to get beaten quite brutally.
Mind you, this ^ is to protect people who he barely knows. He and Sera aren’t close, and the others are practically strangers.
It’s pretty much the inverse reaction. John says “Others kicked me while I was down, so I’ll do the same on everyone else tenfold.” Blyke says “I was kicked while I was down, and goddammit I will keep getting kicked if it means other people don’t have to.”
It’s such a cool parallel, and the fact that when John was getting kicked, Blyke was trying to help, but when Blyke was getting kicked, John was doing the kicking adds so many layers to it.
#unordinary#blyke unordinary#unordinary blyke#analysis#Blyke is such a good person UGH I love him#Best UnOrdinary character fr fr#This post was mainly just to ramble about him#legitimately I did not know where this was going when I started typing#That’s why it takes so long to get to the point and doesn’t have a title
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An analysis on c!Owen and his behaviour throughout the Outsiders SMP series!
Some disclaimers before I go into this. There will be spoilers up ahead! I would like to warn anyone reading that this post will mention some blacklisted members from the smp because their characters play a role in showing us about cOwen.
For convenience, all the members mentioned are the characters, not the actual ccs themself. Some of this might seem all over the place, but when the characters learn random parts of themselves at different points it's bound to happen.
Owen has changed a lot as the series has progressed and many find his personality to have changed entirely towards the end, however, this isn’t really the case. When we go over his character, we can see his core values have stuck with him throughout the series, so in this post, I will go over how exactly he has changed over time and his character in general.
To make it easier, I’m gonna split it into 3 parts. Early maze days, the introduction of clearing 2, and post memories.
During the early maze days Owen establishes his character very early on. Right from the beginning, Owen arrives with the demon Rasbi. They are notably one of the three pairs that come up, with most coming up the elevator alone. The first time we see him, Owen immediately takes up a role as a protector, asking if Rasbi knows how to fight in case there is danger up ahead.
In this first section, we can also see that he acts a lot more childish and naive. He’s very emotional and easily upset by his past. He can be seen jumping on rocks with Mohwee and the others and crying on his first night over his loss of memories. The overwhelmingness of the clearing gets to him. This isn’t to say he is some weak, stupid or soft character though.
Owen may be naive in believing things should be played in certain ways according to his rules but there are many instances where we can see he’s not stupid. First episode he can immediately recognise what knife Oeca is holding “Hey that’s a throwing knife right? No that’s a dagger”
After getting more settled in the maze he asks about the maze’s agriculture, he mentions everyone is unarmed despite fearing the dangers in the maze. He starts asking about protection, armour, shields and notably, “So this place is safe on the inside? It's safe to walk at night?” He’s already worried for everyone’s safety here, he knows the maze is dangerous so is there anywhere that’s safe?
Very early on his past also becomes a very important aspect of his personality. He is probably one of the first to remember anything significant about his past. By episode 2 he is getting flashbacks about how to make a bow. But he makes a javelin first, noting “I think I was a hunter. No, I was an archer. I was a hunter. I was a soldier? I was good at this.” He then proceeds to aim the javelin at Oeca’s name, because at this point he can’t fully trust Ocea. He is very quick to violence, although he doesn't want Oeca dead, he certainly can’t trust in him.
Another important note is that Mohwee is one of the people in the clearing he respected and saw as someone with the ability to act. Which is why we get this interaction where Mohwee calls out “Owen.” and Owen replies with “yes sir”. His past even without his memories is important and ingrained enough he still acts like this, and this only continues as we go through this section.
The first time they go in the maze as a group is when Apo arrives. This is a very important moment for Owen because their first trip in the maze solidifies his personality throughout this section and maybe even the series. Oeca is shot because Mohwee was careless and brought anyone in. When the group comes back, Owen asks Graecie, “How many entrances are there to this maze?” After finding out this is the only one that opens, he refuses to let anyone get hurt again and starts blocking it off.
Trust and promises are very important to Owen here too because it's one of the key reasons he blocks off the entrance. It’s not just Oeca getting hurt, it’s the fact he promised Graecie he wouldn't go in. “I broke my promise.” He also takes Apo’s word very seriously in the mine when he tells Owen he didn’t pull the lever. Also because of this he only trusts himself to go in the maze.
When the entrance is blocked off Owen is quick to violence and threatens people if they try to get past him. After finding the old battle axe he starts using it to threaten and intimidate people. “Anyone who goes past this (the gate) i will attack”
“Anyone else that will, I will just cut down” are some of the things he says. He punches Mohwee for trying to get past him. When Oeca comes back after Mohwee’s disappearance, Owen follows him with that battle axe trying to talk.
Owen then goes on to say “I’m not looking for violence” and “I'm not collecting weapons this was instinctual (points at bow)” he doesn't want people to think he’s dangerous and he knows people are scared of him.
Even if he seems aggressive he still wants to protect others. Owen goes back in the maze to look for Mohwee after he randomly disappears on their way back. “My job is to protect people and I will do that to the best of my abilities. At every possible stage”
When Mohwee disappears Owen takes a massive risk to stay in the maze overnight to see if the gates would open. “The only thing I remember about my life Graecie, is that I was raised to protect people. That's all I remember. And I know it was dumb and stupid to go in the maze but if it got us a step closer to finding Mohwee. I was willing to make that risk”
So we’ve established that Owen cares about the people in the clearing even if he doesn't trust all of them, he wants to protect them and he will do it no matter what. It's the purpose he has given himself in order to be useful.
He knows it doesn’t work how he wants it to. People are scared and wary of Owen’s protection. There are multiple instances where he tells his voices, “They don’t get it,” because he knows people don’t trust his methods. His method of control is disliked by a lot of people.
Ori is one of the main characters to go against Owen. Owen hates this because not only does it risk the safety of others but it goes against his main purpose he gave himself. He takes this job very seriously. So when Ori goes in the maze it’s no wonder Owen becomes very violent.
“Ori I'm seriously sorry I will break your legs and I'm very close to it. Are you gonna make me. “
He doesn’t see himself to be super aggressive though “People think I'm being really aggressive when I talk like ‘oh hey if you come near me I'm gonna break your legs’ but I'm saying it in the most friendly way I can, you understand that right? I'm not trying to be aggressive with that”
“I'm saying like if you do step in here I will have to break your legs. In like a very gentle and I'm very sorry I hate to inconvenience you but I do have to break your legs.”
When Ori sneaks into the maze, Owen talks a lot about his purpose. Things like “Don't, I'll fail them. They'll kill me. My entire purpose here is to stay by this door and stop you from coming in.”
Owen hates to know he is failing the purpose he has given to himself “When I discovered I was a soldier that's what I set myself to (protecting others) but what do I have to show for myself? I have tried my hardest to protect these people. And get they look at me and tell me I'm a tyrant” “you're not in control, who are you to say what happens?”
He would do anything, even if it meant sacrificing himself. As shown before when Mohwee disappears but also as he protects the gate after the second lever gets pulled he says “I'm going to protect them if I die in the process so be it”
Another note before this section ends is that it’s not just Ori who opposes Owen. Sillvia also talks about Owen’s method of leadership.
Sillvia about Owen: Owen I think you would be great. If not for the fact that you have a militaristic mindset. I don't want to see your leadership spiral into a place where Apo wants. Owen I fear you and I want you to know that. I actually fear you and I don't say that about many people. And ruling should not be through fear. You are a terrifying individual and to see you be in a position of power would be a slope we cannot afford or gamble slipping down. We've seen you tussle with Ori. I know you're a strong individual. You could lead us quite well but it's the risk that comes with your leadership that I am not willing to risk.
The perception Owen has of himself differs from how he comes off. It becomes more of an issue later but we can already see this happen.
So as clearing 2 is introduced this is what we know about Owen. He was a soldier once, he wanted to protect people in the clearing even if it meant sacrificing himself. He’s nice to others but his methods are still aggressive and violent, ready to hold a weapon to someone if needed and Owen cares a lot about trust.
With the introduction of clearing 2 we can see how Owen changes and develops. He’s very cautious of clearing 2 members because for all he knows they could have led the creature that destroyed half their clearing in on purpose.
Owen also faces betrayal from Apo. We know trust is something Owen values a lot. It’s mentioned in the early days, and it’s a major part of why he feels so strongly about Apo lying. During the scene where Owen faces Apo after finding he pulled the lever that killed the second clearing, his main issue with Apo isn’t the fact that he killed people. It was the fact he lied to him.
“You lied to me. Why did you do it? No no no I don't care about the lever. Apo why did you lie to me? You're my friend I trusted you. I stayed there. I held your back when oeca said it was you. I put my name on the line. Because we stood together in the mine and I asked you to swear to my face that you didn't do it. And you lied to me. Im meant to be your friend and you lied.”
You can also see what Owen values in a person when they discuss Apo’s punishment and Owen says there's 3 main things he did
- went into maze without group consent
- pulled the lever
- he lied
Owen only adds on at the end that he left Squidney.
With all of this too we see Owen for the first time back away from the job he gave himself. He backs away from leadership, we start to see how tired Owen is from the stress of it all. His reasoning has to do with his trust being broken.
“What's the point they're all liars. This entire place is filled with filthy liars. Every single person. All I've ever done is tried to protect them”
“Forget it. I'm done. I'm don't helping people. No I'm not villain, I'm not a hero I'm nothing.
From now on there is no leader of the maze. They put me in charge. My word means nothing to them I'm done.”
“How am I meant to protect them when I try and stop them with physical force im made out to be some kind of monster. When I try to reason with them I'm made out to be soft.”
Owen being viewed as soft has always been something he’s aware of. People tend to think because he’s kind that they can do whatever they want (sneak into the maze etc) and this perception Owen is a soft person develops. Even if he’s emotional and kind we’ve seen before in early maze days he is not soft.
Owen tries to ignore all his problems but with it he grows more aggressive than before. His tone changes when he speaks about other people to his voices.
“To visit him would be to acknowledge he exists. And right now the last thing I want to do is consider the fact that this thing lives and breathes and eats and sleeps under my feet. The sooner he wastes away and fades into nothingness the better. I don't see a life going forward with him in it” - Owen about Apo
“The more I look around these stupid 4 walls the more I'm reminded that he that. That I trusted him.”
"he's everywhere. It's like a disease. Like it festers. The outside looks fine and you look just below the surface and it's rotting vile and it's him”
Apo: Just give me a chance.
Owen: why should I? So you can have another tick to the long list of times Owen has naively believed there is some good in the people that infests this clearing? Oeca, mohwee, Bekyamon, Magic, Graecie, Ori, you, liars. All of you.
I’m not just putting quotes here just for you to see oh trust is important! But more so for you to see that Owen changes when his trust has been broken or when he sees someone as a threat. Some of these things sound very similar to what Owen would say when he gets his memories back. Because to Owen trust and protection are 2 very important values. When that is broken he can’t be certain someone isn’t a threat.
With this change Owen does become more aware he isn’t the most approachable person due to his methods. I do want to bring up this quote first though
"Can I kill someone? Ive been thinking about this recently I say I'm a soldier. But I've never actually killed anyone. All my life in these 4 walls I've spoken about security and fighting and I can't remember a time I've actually taken someone's life. What if I have to. What if it comes to that I don't think I could stomach it either. I doesn't feel like me. It's not me it's not who I am. No I can't. I'll only attack this person if they do something first. And even then I'll just aim to incapacitate" - Owen about Ash
This is an interesting quote from Owen knowing his later actions but it’s not that out of character. If we look at every flashback he’s had so far we can see the life of a soldier is not one he’s always wanted.
Owen to his dad: What if I'm not ready to be your protector? No It's what you've always wanted! What if I wanted to do something else? What if I don't want to be a soldier what about me when do I get to look out for myself.
However he is always ready to attack if he needs to, if it comes to it he would do anything to protect someone. I think that means to kill even if Owen doesn’t think so at this point.
His notebook btw
Another note about his behavior is that because of how others view him he almost dies from the creature’s venom. Ayngel even said before Owen is more angry. Other people even though it sounds jokingly say Owen gets grumpy when people disrupt him, leading to no one but Soup to check up on him when he gets stung.
When Bek comes back he doesn’t hesitate to do the things he did before. He does what he thinks is right and protects Magic by aiming a javelin at Bek. He says he’s not violent but anytime he feels like he’s in danger he pulls out a weapon. He did it when he was in Soup’s basement, he does it anytime he hears about someone potetially harming Rasbi, and he did it when he heard Oeca attacked Graecie.
Owen in general is a fighter at heart. Even if he says he doesn’t want to kill anyone he is still ready to attack.
Owen: this isn't you Ori. You fight. That's what you do.
Ori: what are you talking about?
Owen: you fight people. When you don't get your way you fight. You and I are the same
At the end of this section, the group decides not to go back in the maze. They had lost Squidney, Oeca, Mohwee, with the presumption that Red, Apo and Graecie were either dead or dying. Owen is tired of it all “Every Time I've tried to protect someone they've ended dead Kyle” he tries to hope but he is so tired. This tiredness also explains some things that happen when he gets his memory back.
So to summarise before looking at Owen when he gets his memories back, this is what we know about Owen. He wants to protect his friends, he believes in trust a lot, he is both seen as more aggressive and angry these days and soft at the same time, he wants to be a good leader but other people don’t listen. Not much has changed since the early maze days, but it’s a more solid character now.
When the reunion comes around Owen in the story has finally had a moment to think about everything that happened between him and Apo. His main regret in the series was how he treated him even if he broke his trust.
Owen loves to contradict himself a lot but it’s a very human trait he has. He has complex feelings about Apo, and Beks and a lot of people. Yet he’ll still offer his protection to them. It’s because of this the ‘sudden’ shift in personality he has becomes very shocking to the audience.
Since right before he sees Apo, Owen is very emotional here. Very similar to how he was in the early maze days. It’s out of his character to hope for something like seeing Apo because he knows it’s very unlikely he’ll see him again. However he gives himself this hope, one more chance.
When Owen regains his memories the tone shift is obvious. He acts less emotional, he seems more mature. But we do need to consider this is someone who just had a lifetime of memories shoved back in his head and his core values are so strong that Owen doesn’t hesitate to act the way he used to.
There’s lots of similarities to Owen here to the one we’ve known. Like his purpose. He sets one for himself immediately after arriving in the clearing. Even as he talks to Apo about his past he talks about his purpose
“I had a purpose once. I was useful, vital, adored. And suddenly everything changed. The world grew tired of blood shed. When all you're good for is violence, when you've been breed into a killing machine, a nation of peace will toss you aside like a spent torch”
There’s an obvious difference here right? The man we’ve watched in the maze who wanted to protect his friends just killed his best friend. This is definitely a different person right? Yes and no. Owen hasn’t changed that much, and I'll explain why after we go through some more things. But it’s important to note that this isn’t a completely new person, this isn’t something that is unexpected when we go through the information we already have about Owen.
“I know what you are, you are everything wrong in the world has to offer. You are the amalgamation of all the gluttony and lust of humans with the evil and cunning of demons. You stand as a testament to everything vile. You are a disease on the face of this earth and I am it's curse”
Apo: this isn't you you've changed
Owen: incorrect, this is me. The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive.
Owen wants protection for his friends. He goes to extreme lengths to keep people safe, so when he remembers demons as this evil creature that will hurt people for their own gain he wasn’t going to stand around and do nothing right?
Surprising or not this is very in character for Owen if we look at everything else we have from the series. To him, he is still doing his job, the one he’s done since day 1 in the clearing. Just now the threat isn’t just the maze and the occasional person, it’s demons.
The way Owen became a demon hunter is essential too. He used to live in comfort, and based on past flashbacks he was training to be a soldier even if he didn’t fully enjoy it. His mother was a poet and his father was a general. He had grown up hearing all about how terrible demons are, and he didn’t understand until his village had been burned down.
One negative interaction with demons had put this deep hatred in his heart for them. Before his memories returned he was ready to forgive Apo, he knew he wasn’t as dangerous as he made him out to be. But when the sudden influx of memory comes, he has this past knowledge that Apo is a threat.
Since Apo had hurt Owen before this only adds to it. Remember Owen really values trust. Apo has broken that trust in the past, so everything combined and letting go of the final restriction it’s no wonder he kills Apo.
Despite this ‘massive personality change’ Owen has, when he returns to the clearing he still makes sure Magic is safe. He doesn't tell people about the lava rising so he wouldn’t cause panic. He still cares about these people.
But Owen starts to view all the demons as a threat, every demon in the clearing has done something to suggest they could be dangerous. The reason Owen kills Guts is because they poisoned the food at the feast, which led to Magic being poisoned. He carries out this duty for protection
I think another thing people tend to forget about Owen is that he's been slowly breaking apart trying to fit what others want from him as seen in the last section. And it took a major toll on him. His outburst at Magic is one of the ways shown to us how much stress he’s been under. Perhaps even guilt he’s been feeling.
Magic: if you don't you're just putting everyone danger by not leading us… in there…
Owen: danger? You want to talk about putting others in danger? All of this coming from who exactly? The woman who's clearing burnt down under her leadership? The woman who lied about that previous position of leadership as she lacked the spine to correct her friend when she lied? The woman who was tied up and left for dead by that same friend? The woman who swore to protect a stranger only to them shot down in front of her? What the woman who stood still as her friend was ripped apart beside her? Oh yeah the magnitude of your failures Magic is deafening. Do you hear it? When you fall asleep at night, do you hear the screams of the dead who's blood stain your hands? How do you cope? When you find out be a good friend and let me know would you? Been looking for a way to shut them up.
Owen does try to justify his actions to his voices even if they don’t listen. He knows people here aren’t good. He’s known this since clearing 2 was introduced, but with his memories back he feels like he has to carry on this duty by killing the threat. That’s the only way to keep people in the clearing safe right?
Owen to voices: have you stopped to think why I'm doing this? You seem so attached to these creatures, why? What good have they done? These people aren't good people. None of us good people. We're all in here for a reason. Just because you haven't taken your rose tinted glasses off to see that doesn't mean the rest of us haven't.
Like before he won’t let anything stop him, even if it means hurting a few people. He doesn't hesitate to pull out a weapon when he hears Ayngel might know him. He can’t risk anything ruining his plans because he can’t afford to. He’s so tired. I think at this point anyone that was a major threat to him he would kill.
Ayngel: I feel like I recognise you. You and your face from somewhere
Owen: oh? (Starts to pull out knife from his bag)
Ayngel: I've been having this thought and it's got me thinking (Owen pulls out a knife in case)
Ayngel: actually, honestly forget it. It's all a dream and I'm overthinking
The only exception to his thinking is Rasbi. Rasbi actually hasn’t done anything wrong to him personally. She’s one of the few people that didn’t break his trust but he still kills her. Why?
First off he doesn’t see her as the friend he wanted to protect but instead as something he protected only to kill in the end to fulfil his duty. Her sister is the reason why he ended up in the maze, so even without Rasbi directly harming Owen in any way it’s enough for Owen to kill her. I’m sure any small mistake or detail would have led Owen to killing any demon, because it only proves his thinking.
Owen barely survives after Rasbi attacks him. So as Owen starts planning how to kill Krow he starts going a bit insane. His room is a mess, his mind is a mess and he can barely stand it anymore. We really start to see him fall apart here
Owen: this yolk is a burden is a burden I can't carry for much longer. I'm tired. I want to rest. But I took a pact, I made a promise. A glorious death is his for who his country falls and either I or they thing will have to die before I stop.
Something that’s brought up when discussing the idea of ‘Maze Owen’ is the fact that we can see ‘glimpses’ of him in different interactions. For example when Owen and Krow go out into the maze and Owen spots Puddy he makes sure Puddy doesn’t die by keeping him away. Even if he’s aggressive in the scene the fandom interpretation is the care he has for Puddy as ‘Maze Owen’ slipped through. But It’s not out of character for him to still show care for people after his memories are returned based on everything we’ve seen.
Before ‘killing’ off Krow, Owen does say this “There's no escaping who you are” Which is really interesting since most characters he’s interacted with will tell him in the maze you can escape who you used to be. Owen knows for a fact no matter what he does in life now he will never have anything outside the maze. Because the world doesn’t need him anymore. He kills the demons as his final act of service to the world because he has nothing else to offer.
When Krow finally comes back and Owen gets hit in the head he says to the rest of the group “I was protecting you all.” and “You don't know what they're like! You haven't seen the outside world.”
Looking at his final moments we see that everyone that Owen has cared about doesn’t trust him anymore. They don’t believe his protection was needed. He’s told that he will not get out of this cell. He’s left alone in the silence of the cell. Finally with the time to think. He starts experiencing multiple flashbacks and it makes it hard for him to think.
We’ve seen in the past how Owen deals with multiple flashbacks. It gives him a headache or causes him pain in some cases. He also becomes really emotional afterwards. This follows the same case. Except he starts to realize some things.
Krow: I know those eyes. That glint of desperation for approval but knowing it's never coming. We're more similar than you let yourself believe you and I
(Flash back ‘i was an archer.?’ ‘i was a hunter?’ I was a soldier)
“I was a tool. Used.”
He knows he’s going to die soon and he starts to panic. The most important line he says is
“So what now? This is it!? I deserve to die in battle. I killed them. It was what I. Its just what I was meant to do. I was trained. Should i have? I should have. I should have. I can't think inside my head, it's split in two”
“So what voices? What was I before then huh? Was that me? Is that who people trust? People trust that one. Old Owen. Yes? It wasn't me. That wasn't me” flashback about Apo first coming up
“I can't think. I can't. They trusted him. They trusted him but not me? My head…”
After this he pleads with Magic to let him out. Owen claims “I hurt them, I hurt my friends. Rasbi, Guts. And Apo, Krow I don't know why I did those things” He pleads and cries. And he's desperate
Owen: “No magic it's me please.”
Magic: “You kill people owen”
Owen: “It wasn't me I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep people safe.”
Owen: “Magic please don't go… no… magic. You can't do this.”
Magic: “I can and I am”
I think when we look at these final clips there’s a very important thing happening. Owen is separating himself from the past. He can’t understand why his friends don’t trust him. Even though nothing has changed. To him his eyes have been opened to the dangers of demons and he fulfilled his purpose.
Why does this separation even happen? This is where we move to the final part of this long analysis and look at theories. There’s no way I can say for sure this is right or this is wrong. I can only tell you what I think based on the material already there.
So before I go into this I have to emphasize I am not saying you can't refer to earlier Owen as maze Owen to explain Owen at different periods of his life. I'm saying when we really look at it, maze Owen doesn't exist since they're the same person.
So what am I talking about? The concept of ‘maze’ Owen has been around for a long time. Even ccOwen talks about his character like that. The idea that just because Owen didn’t have his memories that he was some sweet, soft guy that needs to be babied is something that affects a lot on how you view him as a character.
'maze' Owen doesn't actually exist because it's a way that Owen has come up with to justify to himself how he could have cared for demons without shattering his ideals. This is confused with Owen have distinct personalities and missing how he hasn't strayed from his ideals since the start with his idea of protecting everyone.
To separate that period of Owen's life in the maze ignores the fact that the characteristics you see in Owen post reunion are the same from before but taken to the extreme.
He's always been capable of ‘evil’'. It's the same as every other character in the series. We don't separate them like we do with Owen. Every character in the series is inherently morally gray, they do things out of desperation to survive. You can never say someone is 100% good or bad.
Owen’s same mindset of 'I need to protect the people I care about because they're in danger now' carries through. After the reunion in his head demons are no longer part of that group he wants to protect.
The separation of 'maze' and post reunion Owen forgets even in the post memory phase he had the ability to love like 'maze' Owen had. He released Puddy, he started a small farm, he started to relax. It's all part of him.
In his final moments he says a few important things to note. The first being "I was a tool. I was trained. Should I have... I should have." And then right after "I can't think in my head it's split in two"
It seems some take this as 'maze' Owen coming back and fighting with Owen on should he have killed Apo and the others. However rather than 'maze' Owen coming back i think it's this internal conflict he has with himself and his ideals.
Before he says this he's getting flashbacks to the early maze days where he showed kindness to demons. Something he would never let himself do in the past outside the maze. And something he would never do after he remembers it all.
Then he says to the voices "Is that who people trust? Old Owen" while those memories are playing. The voices respond saying they miss that Owen and he replies "Yes? That wasn't me" this is possibly where it further adds to the whole 'maze' Owen is a different person thing.
Rather than facing the fact that his thinking doesn’t make sense anymore he separates himself from those memories. As soon as Owen accepts that demons are not these creatures that betray and kill you at any moment, his life has no purpose.
Owen’s thinking comes from the manipulation and propaganda he's been fed. In his final episode we get these quotes which show just how much his thinking revolves around protection and also showing what years of training did to him.
He understands he was a tool that was used. He's well aware everything he is doing may not have a purpose and yet he still plays this part. He can't break away from that thinking because if he lets himself, Owen has to face the fact that his whole life had no true meaning.
That is a terrifying thing to do. He has been in this environment for so long you can’t just take him out of it.
Going over everything you can access in Owen’s pov, we know that before gaining his memories Owen is a person that cares deeply about his friends, he risks himself to protect them, he won’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone he sees as a threat. Owen thinks trust is an important value to have, he takes it very seriously. But we also know that not everyone likes Owen and his leadership. He’s seen with a military mindset, people don’t want to upset him and it nearly costs his life.
Now let’s compare that with the Owen we get to know after his memories return. He wants to protect the people he deeply cares about, he risks himself to protect them, he doesn’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone that he sees as a threat, only now the threat is demons. When we start looking at these differences, yes, Owen when he regains his memories is different, his tone changes, he murders people. But those core values we’ve seen throughout the series stay with him.
It’s one of the reasons why Owen can’t understand why no one in the clearing is on his side. He protected them against the threat they didn't know about. That is his purpose, and that’s what he’s good for. Remember right at the beginning of the series Owen sets his purpose to protect these people, now this is still the same. He views demons as a threat because he hasn’t had good experiences with them. Even if Apo became his friend in the clearing, Apo ends up lying to Owen, and betraying his trust. Guts became his friend but Guts tried to poison Magic. Owen has never fully trusted Krow and that distrust only furthers once he knows what Krow is capable of based on his experiences with demons.
So let’s go back to the previous question: who was it there? You’re probably thinking well how do you explain maze Owen and the chips. ccOwen has mentioned before that it's a possibility for the chips to alter memories. Maybe Starr suppressed those memories and maze Owen was there again. Or he was hit hard on the head right? Maybe his chip was damaged and it altered his emotions and memory.
There is too little known information to us as an audience about the chips in their head. We know they can supposedly make the outsiders lose track of time, alter their memories, their emotions and change how they act. But if the chips in their head is the explanation for everything then why does Owen remember killing his friends when he talks to Magic? He says it like he wasn't the one doing it, like he watched someone else do it. How do you explain his behaviour then? If the damaged chip really made him act like that then why do flashbacks still occur when he's in prison? He seems to have no control over those, so the chip must still work fine?
I think when we look at his character the maze has already changed him whether he likes it or not. There’s more doubt in him than before. He lets Apo go with extra time. He hesitated before he ran after him. No matter how small, he has changed.
But when Owen talks about himself in the past he makes this separation. The voices in his head won't stop calling for the guy they used to know, even though he's right here. I think Owen doesn't even want to acknowledge at one point he was friends with the demons he hated so much.
In that prison cell all his ideals and values are facing him. Everything he's done and he's known has been a lie. I think he knows this but can't bring himself to acknowledge that. Would you admit what you thought for your entire life was wrong? That you killed countless for nothing?
When faced with death Owen becomes desperate. Which I think explains his behaviour with Magic. That is his last hope and he knows people like the older version of him. I don't think he's fully lying though when he says i don't know why I did those things. Not because maze Owen came back or anything but because in the maze he no longer has this duty but he still carries it out. He's so tired from it all and he wants to leave it behind but he can't.
So let's go over his death scene one more time. “My head it's split in two” I think the explanation for this is that he was just hit with a bunch of flashbacks of his first days. Right before this he also says ‘I was a tool. Used’ I believe in his final moments where he has a moment to think he starts to fight himself. Should he have done all this for a country that throws him away the second he's useless? He was trained to do this. But should he have really? That's what I think is making him say my head it's split in two. He's fighting his own views and alongside these positive memories it makes him confused. And overwhelmed.
It's important to note Owen doesn't have a single bad flashback about Apo and Rasbi. He doesn't think about the levers, he thinks about his friends that he met. That he protected.
The more flashbacks he gets the more defensive he becomes. “I'm right here you can't convince me otherwise” He doesn't understand why the Owen in his memories is trusted so much, even though they're the same person. In his mind he's doing what he's always done. protect.
“It wasn't me I'm sorry I just wanted to keep people safe” everything he says to Magic is half genuine and half lie. I don't think even Owen knows which parts are which. It's easier if he separates himself into the nice trusted Owen and who he is now.
No matter what in the end, that was Owen. Not Maze Owen but Owen who is desperate to live. He's tired of it all. He's finished his mission and he won't even get to see what he thinks will be an honorable ending for him.
Remember what Owen says to Apo? "The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive."
So of course he'll do anything to survive even if it means playing up the truth.
It's hard to separate Owen into these neat boxes and say for sure that was Maze Owen at the end or that was full manipulation. Because like Owen everything is a bit grey here. Maze Owen wasn't the best person, he hurt his friends, people were scared of him. And post memories Owen isn't some misunderstood guy that needs babying either.
My final thoughts on this debate is that in the end the one that pleads for his life is just Owen. To separate him and say it was Maze Owen doesn't allow you to understand how complex Owen is as a character. And continues to let you believe that Owen can't do anything wrong. Not understanding sometimes a good person is capable of this evil. To the end Owen still believed he was doing what was right and that was protecting the ones he cared about. So has anything really changed since the start?
#zara rambles#outsiders smp#outsiders smp spoilers#owengejuicetv#okay if you read this whole thing just know this was about 6k words sjdfhsd#i spent a looooong time writing this mainly cause i started in july got busy with school and continued it last week. along with rewatching#owens pov to get everything here. the original document with all my notes is like 12k long because cOwen looooves to talk#i'm open to other people's opinions obviously like i said i could be wrong but this is just how i see it based on the episodes we have on y#it's kinda unfair to expect people to know random knowledge buried deep in some 4 hour vod from 2 years ago so everything here is from yt#with the exception that one fighting cOri quote since Owen deleted that section from his yt series. but it was originally there#idk what else to say really. i'm not the biggest fan of the whole 'maze' owen thing as you can tell by this and many other posts of mine#i think its fine to call him that but you gotta understand there aren't actually 2 different people. thats the tldr#anyway ty for reading wish me luck when i post this on twitter#oh sorry for no videos tumblr hates those so you guys only got the quotes 😔 still the same stuff though so it doesn't really matter sjdjdj
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honestly im really enjoying the plot in mgafs but especially bc of eclipse and how he is as a character
hes become something more neutral. he isnt a villain nor a "good guy". hes just. a guy. he doesnt even want to be here but he doesnt have much of a choice. he tolerates ppls existence as much as he can without exploding. he does care about ppl but he hides it under a guise of "im doing this for myself and anyone who benefits from this is just a side effect" and honestly i love that so fucking much. like. he very much gives a shit about earth and at one point emphasized that she would not get hurt. tho when questioned about it he dodges the question. in fact, every time someone brings up earth and how defensive he is he avoids it. i feel like not even he himself wants to confront how he feels
then theres also puppet. their relationship is like the extrovert adopting the introvert type thing (its also like that with earth but puppet is more forceful and the more "ur never getting rid of me" type). he, again, doesnt admit that he cares. and honestly he probably didnt give a flying fuck about her in the beginning. the main reason he even went on the whole quest to help with the other puppet was bc he would also be effected, even if he was in another dimension (also bc he didnt want it to hurt earth but shhhh). but now he does seem to show some form of concern towards puppet at certain times. its also incredibly entertaining to watch puppet keep pushing at his limits. makes me think of that one video where a crow kept fucking with an eagle. just kept nipping and getting in its face then running away. thats what it feels like lmao
also like. almost every time he defended someone theres always been some kinda excuse he could make that gives him an out with saying that it was also for his benefit. probably the only time he defended someone and wouldnt get personal benefit out of it was when he confronted ruin and told him to keep earth out of it. tho, luckily for him, nobody was there to witness it and question it (unless moon was there bc i dont remember it exactly >.>).
which, yes, probably a lot of things that he does is for his own benefit. but he'd be completely fine with abandoning the ppl he was helping. in multiple situations he didnt have to help them. he wouldve been just fine and able to get out of the situation without them making out with him. and yet he did. and yet he purposely made room for them to follow.
idk man. just watching him develop as a character and going from someone who didnt give a flying fuck about anybody into actually giving a bit of a shit is fascinating. also even more entertaining to see just how desperately he tries to hide it
#birdcage rambles#sun and moon show#sams#the sun and moon show#tsams#tsams eclipse#mgafs#monty gator and foxy show#tmgafs#the monty gator and foxy show#tsams earth#mgafs puppet#btw when talking about their relationships its more of a neutral/can be interpreted however u want kinda way#is it familial? is it platonic? is it romantic?#idk man u choose#mainly cuz in canon neither have a defined label for wut it is#im just trying to be neutral and focus more on facts rather than try and steer it a certain way with biases#but anyway yeah eclipse is my favorite character can u tell#i love him hes so complex and interesting#hes like probably one of the few truly neutral guys#monty is also neutral but eh idc much lol#im thinkin about MY BOY OVER HERE#anyway#send post
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One thing I will say upon looking back at it and with the redraw is that I don't think it's a "lack of reaction" and just more of an emptiness. It's not that he doesn't care, but instead he feels a sort of emptiness or hollowness in what has happened. Because he failed to save someone who needed it, he failed to do the one thing he promised he would try to do. And while Tomura has done many bad things, there is still a disappointment and dissatisfaction in knowing that he couldn't do the one thing a hero, in his mind, should be able to do. Whether he saved his heart or not, Izuku himself may feel that being unable to physically get Tomura out of there - like he has done with his other saves - means he not only failed Tomura but himself as a hero
And meanwhile Tomura is smiling faintly. Something about Izuku's possible emptiness in his reaction and Tomura smiling all the way until his death. And though he's smiling, it feels sad as well. I wonder if there was some small part of him that really thought something could change. Or he's touched (idk if that's the word but maybe something similar to it) that Izuku at least tried to connect to him, unlike the rest of the heroes
#i know i know 'being delusional' and so on whatever#i just think its interesting how this redraw actually seems to sort of show a transition from izuku being surprised to then going blank#and look i do absolutely need to read vol42 when its translated and stuff but from what i do know:#maybe there's a part of izuku that thinks he should mainly stick to being a teacher BECAUSE of what happened#and that whole thing about 'anyone can be a hero' so izuku will reach out in his own way instead of going back to being a hero in occupatio#hori hasn't said anything about it but personally im thinking izuku ochako 'same hat!'#with how ochako wants to connect people with her counseling to prevent kids from ending up like toga did#so basically i think its probably the same with izuku#he wants to stick to being a teacher because what happened traumatized him#and he feels being a teacher is now the best way to reach out instead#edit: okay i just realized im def missing parts of the picture with the leaks so lets just call the rambling in the tags a theory for now i#bnha#bnha leaks#bnha leak#bnha vol42#bnha volume 42#bnha 431#well 431 for the tag rambling but still#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#shigaraki and midoriya#shigaraki and midoriya analysis#tomura shigaraki#izuku midoriya#mettys posts#metty posts
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Fallout New Vegas DLC Sleeping Arrangement Headcanons:
After making my post about my thoughts on how the sleeping arrangement inside the Lucky 38 would work with all the companions.
https://www.tumblr.com/maddymoreau/747184690349342720/fallout-new-vegas-lucky-38-presidential-suite?source=share
I couldn't stop thinking about the DLC characters so here’s my headcanons!!
Honest Hearts:
The Dead Horses and The Sorrows are always courteous offering my Courier Six a bed to rest in:
When traveling with Follows-Chalk if it's too late to return to the Dead Horses Camp, they'll find somewhere safe to sleep. The plan is to have one guard while the other rests. However, they stay up wayyy too late talking. Follows-Chalk teaches her how to read stars while she tells him stories from her travels.
Waking Cloud wears and uses her Yao Guai Gauntlet as a pillow (it also allows her to quickly spring into action). She misses her children and as they're falling asleep, tells Courier Six stories about them.
Joshua Graham is usually the last to go to bed, so he'll sleep on whatever bed isn't taken (or the floor). I imagine he always sleeps on his back. Since it distributes the pain evenly instead of putting a large amount of pressure onto one spot.
If my Courier Six is also awake she'll say a prayer with him before bed.
If Joshua is up late working on inventory and my Courier Six is inside Angel Cave, she'll be lulled to sleep by the fire and noises he makes.
youtube
Dead Money:
You know how Dean Domino has secret stashes hidden everywhere? He also has hidden sleeping spots. Multiple pillows and blankets which he does NOT like sharing but will begrudgingly with my Courier Six.
Dean Domino has lived in the Sierra Madre the longest, which has caused him to become a light sleeper. He will always bitch about back pain, regardless if he's sleeping on an old mattress or couch.
Once, when traveling with my Courier Six, she got VERY sick and dizzy from the red cloud, forcing her to rest. Dean thought about ditching her (but couldn't with the whole "wedding rings around their necks" plus he wants to use her for protection). So he dragged her to one of his spots. When Courier Six woke up she thanked him and offered to keep watch, so he could rest as well, which he reluctantly accepted.
Courier Six is the only one he'll sleep around.
Christine has an extremely hard time falling asleep because she’s afraid she'll wake up in the auto doc.
My Courier Six offers to sit next to Christine, hold her hand and keep watch while she tries to sleep. My Courier Six's perception isn't high enough to understand Christine, but she can sympathize with how difficult it is to fall asleep in the Sierra Madre.
Dog and God sleep sitting perched up against a wall. Dog snores while God doesn’t. He's far too large to sleep comfortably on most of the furniture scattered around. Courier Six worries about him but can't convince him to sleep differently.
Old World Blues:
My Courier Six sleeps in the bed inside The Dome. However as she slowly begins repairing everyone inside The Sink (Muggy, Toaster, Jukebox, ETC.) it becomes harder to sleep in there. She also feels WAYYY too guilty about the idea of turning them off.
So near the end of the DLC after getting closer to everyone she starts occasionally sleeping inside The Think Tank. Specifically using the weapon trunk and table next to Dr. 8 as a makeshift desk.
My Courier Six has 100% woken up to some of them hovering over and observing her sleep 👁️👄👁️ (especially Dr. Dala).
After she peacefully resolved things with Dr. Mobius, before returning, she slept on his floor. Making sure not to sleep on or touch any of his notes. Despite this, she woke up with math equations written on her face.
She has no idea how he did that.
His humming and silly singing soothes her to sleep:
Lonesome Road:
My Courier Six is FIGHTING for her life in The Divide and sleeps whenever she can (which isn’t often). Ulysses is watching her from a distance and will also (sometimes) sleep when she does. Due to his past as a member of the Legion and a Courier. Ulysses is able to sleep easily in odd places.
ED-E watches over my Courier Six while she sleeps. Alerting her to any danger. However, until she falls asleep, ED-E lets her hold him like this:
It makes her think of home (The Lucky 38). Since that's how she usually sleeps with her ED-E in the Presidential Suite.
#I LOVE THESE DORKS!!!!! I HAVE SOOOO MANY HEADCANONS ABOUT EVERYONE!!!!!!#I COULD RAMBLE ABOUT EVERYONE FOR HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!#Also Dean doesn’t sleep around my Courier Six because he fully trusts her.#It's just because between her + Christine + Dog and God she’s the most cooperative. She doesn’t question or challenge his authority.#Mainly since my Courier Six is trying to be the glue to keep everyone together. So if he's going to sleep in front of anyone it'd be her.#Plus Dean is worried Christine will figure out it was him who put her through that hell and kill him over it.#He won't also trust Dog because they're working for Father Elijah. So Courier Six it is.#Old World Blues#Dead Money#Lonesome Road#Honest Hearts#Fallout New Vegas#Long Post#FNV#Long Text#MaddyMoreauPost#ED-E#Follows-Chalk#Waking Cloud#Joshua Graham#Ulysses#Dog and God#Dr. Mobius#Dr. Klein#Dr. Dala#Dr. 0#Dr. 8#Dr. Borous#Christine#Dean Domino
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Might see if i cant do a little reload to the neve/bellara choice in act 3 (??? Or is it late act 2 i fr do not know) just so i can record davrin stopping deirdre from going after bellara bc that scene and the 3 of them in general live rent free in my head and i was paused right after for so long that the recording i thought i saved was just. My paused screen of elgarnan lmao
#dragon age#datv#dragon age the veilguard#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilgaurd spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age davrin#bellara lutare#ship: blight polycule#im sooo obsessed with them btw#immediate post game deirdre sobs into bellaras lap fun fact 🤓#its the first time i think they breakdown in front of everyone#bc they were so worried about bellara#and even though she isnt fine per se#shes back and ALIVE and thats all that matters in the moment#the three of them are just in like. a group hug/cuddle/sob session for a minute#i think davrin finally has a moment where hes like ‘him alive#theyre alive. i didnt need to die holy shit#and while yes he does have that moment in a sense#you cant tell me he wasnt still seeing a world where one of them died#the fights never over and wardens have focused on sacrifice for so long#which is why i find his and deirdres dynamic so interesting in game fun fact#deirdre refuses to die in any way#they WILL survive no matter what its why theyre a warden to begin with#meanwhile davrin is so sure he’ll die#mainly early-ish game but still. hes focused on the sacrifice. on the whatever it takes#hes like. ‘i have to live to do my job but what will i go back to. am i a warden if i dont sacrifice all i am’#anyway. blight polycule my beloved.#this is not a good analysis by any means btw. im half rambling and im worried im gonna have a nosebleed#i love them sm. i a post in the works about how they approach the blight btw
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What kind of critter would Peppino be if he was one?
oh uhhhhhhhhh
*spills these*
need i say more?
also live footage of me drawing these for the past hour:
#he'd be less of a critter and more of a beast#i changed his design a bit since my last post i drew him in#anyway shoutout to all the people drawing him as a werewolf y'all have such a huge brain holy shit#sorry i gotta ramble real quick#i love werewolves sm y'all don't understand#like i LITERALLY have a werewolf au for almost everything i'm into#and I HAVE thought about making one for pt before but i couldn't really fit in ig???#and also like i said in my previous post: i don't THINK i would make this a full au. it's mainly just for fun#my art#pizza tower#bluemoon
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i was just reading kell's pov in acol where he goes down to see holland in the cells, how he feels hollands eyes scraping against his own, and back in adsom where its described as two stones sparking together. not only does that make me want to go insane, it also makes me wonder if holland feels that too or if its just kell? its not mentioned as far as i can remember in any of hollands pov and not even in their first meeting flashback. the absence of it from holland's pov is a bit of a shame really though it does suggest that its just kell and the effect holland has on him... its also mentioned briefly when lila gets her antari prosthetic eye (in the sense that kell feels glad that he can look her in the eyes without that friction) which makes me wonder, if lila had both eyes would there be that sparking sensation between her and kell? would it not as their black eyes are on the same side? why would that sensation be only due to the presence of the marked eye? it's clear that kell and lila DO have a connection but then again so would most people who went through what they did together (especially as kell is quite dramatic about what he cares about). it would just be a shame to have this connection between antari be a real thing and it not be developed past a couple of brief mentions one of which to enhance a ship. the antari could be endlessly more strange so it's a shame that, even when bonded with the rings, they are essentially just very powerful magic users and not something altogether else...
#give me some STRANGE#also actually i was thinking about if there was an actual bond between antari whether they like it or not#and how lila and holland would navigate that#i tried to write a lila pov fic about this that was mainly just a stream of consciousness actually#about when holland is torturing lila in adsom to get kell to come back#and despite the fear and hatred she felt like she could lean back and through into him like ink into water#meeting something made from the same stuff as her and that feeling of connection being new and utterly terrifying#but alas i cannot write and also don't have the patience to get better at it so it is not somethig i can post#i just really wanted them all to be more weird about it lmao#i can imagine holland turning up to deliver letters and people being like “ah theres holland. he and kell have something weird going on”#or kell being consumed with grief about having to kill one of his own kind but not being able to express it to anyone especially rhy#and feeling this overwhelming wrongness thinking its just that he killed holland#not knowing its actually holland having osaron in his head thats causing the inexplicable wrongness#or just lila hating that she has any kind of bond with holland wishing she could seperate the two of them#but if she were to take a knife to remove him from her she wouldn't know where to start cutting#wow thats a lot of words today#adsom ramble#adsom#shades of magic#holland vosijk#lila bard#kell maresh#anyway i do love and adore these books but it doesnt mean i can't be sad about missed opportunities
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also no offense but a lot of the time you can really easily tell when an IHNMAIMS fan knows nothing about harlan ellison or his other work
#not jojo related#rambles#it reminds me most people aside from sci-fi geeks do not recognize his name#i'm not going to go out and encourage people to be ellison fans per se (he was really not a good guy. where do i start.) but#you do gain some extra context learning a bit about his life and personality when you read his work#when he was a more popular figure his... personality was what he was known for almost as much as his work was#his other writer friends often took inspiration from his personality and wrote parodies of him/characters based off of him#that's the kind of guy he was#i feel like a lot if not most IHNMAIMS fans on here are mainly just attracted to AM and to me some of their posts are kind of terrifying#i think... a lot of you are really kinda just into harlan ellison without realizing it#i joke about the computersona shit but for real AM's game personality and harlan's were nooot all that far off#and the posts i've seen that are just like. compilations of harlan making noises while playing AM... oh my god.#you do you though no hate. to be clear
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Alrighty! <—has been saying this word on loop during my retail job I’m kinda sick of it now but I don’t really know how to stop saying it so! it stays! LIST TIME!!!
To-Do Tomorrow:
wake up early enough to get shower before work
print out ticket for a play that one of my friends is in that I am going to see :)
seek out a Ruler so that I can make measurements & decide what sized items I would like to buy [Friend pin & Ghostbur magnets]
if I have time/energy I shall aim to accomplish these things as well:
text two friends
respond to another friend’s messages
finish tagging the autism posts I’ve reblogged (I tagged about half today it was So fun)
reblog spotify wrapped posts + answer spotify wrapped asks :)
read some books
#my post#lists are fun. making public lists on tumblr is fun#I’m so happy that I’m getting to go to the play#I have not seen this friend in MONTHS !!!#it’s been far too long!!#I miss him!!!#I have been severely neglecting texts/answering texts lately and it feels Bad#it’s due to work I’m pretty sure#work is going good and I enjoy it! but! it is extremely tiring#not just because I’m on my feet and Moving for most/all of my shift#but the tiredness is mainly due to the social aspect <—retail. customer service. the works#and by the time I get back to the house I’m often too mentally worn to socialize anymore#but I feel bad about not replying to friends quickly 😭#for one: I don’t want them to think I’m ignoring them or being mean or like. angry at them or some crap#for two: I miss them I miss talking to them I want to talk to them#it’s a terrible terrible dreadful mixture: mental tiredness & Wanting To Friendship#how!!#I am rambling#which means that it is likely time for me to sleep
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Ethan Headcanons!!!
AKA: watch me dissect and yell about this 11-year-old in a needlessly long and unprofessional post because I'm deranged. (Yes, i do this to my favorite characters in my free time).
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General stuff:
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He/him pronouns (they/them is fine with friends... especially since he's still figuring out what sounds good to him)
Demipanromantic who feels strong aesthetic and physical attractions
(Fuck the mbti (unreliable and generalizing) so im using the big 5 (slay)) Sxx|A|i (highly social, average emotional stability and organization, HIGH agreeableness, mildly inquisitive.) (Also, side note, i usually hate categorizing people into specific personalities so please don't treat this like some holy text!!)
He does suffer from anxiety and stress over people, relationships, and everyone's wellbeing. He just wants everything and everyone to be okay!
He has ADHD
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Family:
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His dad died when he was young, but he doesn't know the details of his death
He has an older brother! But he's gone for college. Whenever he comes home, Ethan wants all the details!
His mom taught him how to make simple meals, so he knows how to cook and bake... but don't ask him what equipment he's using and don't ask for a grand meal (he will burn the house down)
He also has an uncle!!! Remember Ralph?? (I'm 99.9% sure that they're related based on the calls on the Pokégear.) He learned everything about fishing from him. Also, Ralph comes from his dad's side of the family.
Adventure and a love for the outdoors RUNS in that side of the family. And while Ethan's mom doesn't go out much, she very much enjoys hikes, and she met his dad on one!
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Friends:
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Kris was there with him in his early childhood, but she and her family moved to goldenrod. The two were close despite Kris' quiet nature.
He trusts Lyra and Kris with his life!
He has a penpal! (Spoiler, it's Dawn!)
His friends always bring out his hyper side!! He's perfectly comfortable being himself around them.
Silver.... he just wishes he could see him more without feeling... out of place? (He can tell that Silver doesn't exactly want him around, especially while he's training)
Every day, he scrolls through his contacts and gives everyone a call just to say hi!
Lyra moved in shortly after Kris left, and she quickly became Ethan's friend. The two act like hyperactive twins if anything else, and they often get the "Are you two related?" question.
Their parents get along too!! They bond over missing their old partners... though, Lyra's father just divorced.
Which, Lyra and Ethan cope together too! However, Ethan isn't as open about it.
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Mental health things:
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Speaking of!!! Ethan really does NOT know how to communicate his problems or insecurities to people. He's either silent and internal about it or screaming at the top of his lungs and having an emotional meltdown.
He has too much oxytocin.... people who know about stress hormones know exactly what I'm talking about (in short, it's craving support and physical contact to help relieve stress responses).
He's DEFINITELY an extrovert (not bc he's loud. No. People genuinely motivate him and he loves to just talk)... but some of his "cheerfulness" and giggling comes from a well of anxiety. He will laugh at anything, not bc he genuinely finds it funny (if he's genuinely laughing, it's non-stop wheezing and snorting between outbursts).
He has a "everything is okay!" attitude... especially around strangers. Sometimes it's good! Other times.... yeah, it's toxic positivity!!
He doesn't want people to stress about what he's stressed about! (So, he's anxious about his anxiety)
But on a side note, his mental health is usually great! But there are times when he's just not.
He often turns to exploring, helping others, and comfort foods whenever he's stressed... this happened a lot at the end of his journey and when he was champion (which was NOT a great time. But i want to make smth for that later.)
This kid suffers compassion fatigue from time to time!!! Especially when he's helping multiple strangers!! His friends are usually good about not asking for a bunch of stuff from him
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Behaviors!!:
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Remember the ADHD thing? Yeah, he stims.
Arm flaps, snapping (he has something good that he wants to say), wiggling, shifting (anxiously waiting (either positive or negative)), nail biting (he's concentrating), etc
He also has vocal ones like squeaking or speaking in a high (and quiet) voice like "woo!" or anything like that! He also loves to hum (not as much as Lyra though)
Also, he can't sit still in a chair... it's a short person with ADHD thing (im projecting SHHHH!!!) (Also we are the same height I HATE IT HERE (<- 7 years older than him))
[Patrick star voice] TOUCH
He uses tactile toys because he can't keep his hands to himself and he loves them!!
He loves to hug!!! Hugs!!!
Sometimes he can't shut up while other times he's uncharacteristically quiet.... it's usually because he's just observing other people or his head is in the clouds.
Maladaptive daydreaming goes BRRRRR!!!!
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Side things:
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He has a VERY messy room despite how prepared and organized he usually is for everything else. (Sometimes, his room is so cluttered, he needs Silver or Kris (the only organized people he knows) to help him get out and make it less of a hazard).
He loves sour and spicy things (sweet too.... but he needs that tart flavor with it)
He loves flowery scents but fruity ones overstimulate him
He hates grainy and stringy foods. He HATES oranges (but not the juice)
He is not a gamer. He SUCKS at them!! But, he's great with casual games like Animal Crossing (stress free!!)
On quiet days, he's usually sitting outside enjoying the breeze
He has suffered humiliation due to how gullible he is! But that was earlier on his journey, he's smarter now!
A lot of his team provides emotional support!!! More on that in a future post!
He can play the guitar!! Camp songs!! And calloused hands...
He sucks at reading!!! And he often needs to read aloud.
[UUhh I might add more!!!]
#shut up vizzie#omfg stfu vizzie#trainer ethan#i am so normal#PLEASE IGNORE THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ!! THIS WAS MOSTLY ME RAMBLING!!#I see him in a very specific way... and it's okay if you disagree! i just wanted to write it all down!!#vizzie rambles#also i misclicked the post button and i quickly deleted it but OH GOD I LOST EVERYTHING THAT I HAD BEFORE!!!#it was a lot longer than this... and unorganized.#im not tagging everyone else bc i don't want this to take up those tags!! this is mainly about ethan!#i might add to this from time to time (especially if i spot mistakes... i have a curse of not seeing them until after I've posted)#not art#just text#long post#dear god#hgss#pokemon#dont pay attention to how i organized this. just read it#hopefully I'll have some art to post soon!!! im getting somewhere with the experimental one so that's good!#bro this post is so moldy help it was sitting in my drafts for MONTHS
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back to hell (i been replaying fnv and have started Dead Money again)
#jk i actually FUCKING LOVE THIS DLC#I DON'T CARE IF THE GAMEPLAY IS TEDIOUS I LOVE IT UGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH LIKE I BEEN ACTUALLY WAITING TO PLAY IT#LIKE I THINK IS THE BEST DLC WRITTEN#i love it characters. i love its tropes so fucking much is insane#i love Elijah as a villain. like i love insane mad stubborn man AND even better if the man CANNOT be defended at all#i also cant stop thinking that hell if Elijah only wouldn't be so obssesed with this whole ahh slate thing he would be a real genius#like supposedly this man understood tecnology JUST by looking at it#and i think is very. very interesting that he was a scribe and somehow turned into an Elder#but yeah things didn't go well and stuff yknow what happened#then again i like to think about his relationship to Veronica. i mean in the way that like. Veronica def could be as smart as him if#they had a close relationship#but then christine happened#like. how would Veronica feel if she gets to know what Elijah did to Christine??? like damn it would hit since clearly she saw him as some#kind of elder figure#oh well i am basically rambling about how I LOVE how dead money and the main game interwines#like this of course doesnt only happen with dead money but theres something about the way dead money and the main game connects eachother#i just find it soo interesting and fascinating#also i fucking love the graffitis around Sierra Madre (i also love this name. very cool methinks)#these are the traces of the people there... and then also i think there was wayyy more planned about this but they cut it?#or i think they didnt presented fully like it was planned#also the suitcases that Dean left#ofc is mainly for the gameplay but man do i love when gameplay things are explained in lore#oh and also how literally everything about Sierra Madre is explained in the lore#the vending machines. the holograms. the ghost people. the cloud#i think thats cool as hell#also the lore is explained more in the terminals and i love reading terminals like yappieeee#also i love so much all the Pre-war story the post war and the present story#ALSO ALSO i love its themes soooo much#LETTING GO#AND HOW IT CONNECTS TO THE MAIN GAME OWN THEMES
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Sigh. Thinking abt isat eg au again. Head in hands comic Frin taking on King's name after the third universe reboot erases him in an attempt to hold onto what was previously the last remnant of their original version of the universe only to have that memory fade with the rest by the time isat Siffrin starts doing king quest stuff leaving them left with a name that isn't their own nor the person it originally belonged to with none of the meaning left behind
#rat rambles#stars posting#eternal gales#this au was supposed to be fun letting myself play with stalien worldbuilding but then the horrors struck and now Im stuck here#oh for some light context comic frin plays a similar role as the king in this au#king himself did actually do the king stuff in comic frin's version of reality but for sasasap king was a part of the party and for isat he#just sorta doesnt exist anymore (albiet wasnt as heavily erased as everything that got wiped the first time)#comic frin forgetting him so quickly was a mix of him being erased and them just generally having horrific memory issues#also comic frin never went by siffrin in this au since in their version of reality the island still existed and it wasnt wiped until the#first reboot and during that time period they just didnt go by any name#they only started going by the king once the third reboot happened and king got wiped as well#which ofc pisses loop off tremendously once they find out#I rly need to redo the siffrin stalien design I did I have better ideas now#I didnt rly have any ideas before since I was just sorta fucking about but this is a serious au now so I actually have stuff I wanna do#mainly give them glasses due to staliens having naturally bad eyesight#I imagine ppl on the island commonly wore glasses from a young age due to the importance of the stars to them and as such being able to see#them is seen as very important unsurprisingly#also Im definitely changing the cloak a bit and maybe adding some stuff to the hat maybe?#but yeah congrats to me for making the worlds first loop who doesn't have crazy beef with the king ig#there's still some complicated relationship stuff going on there but I need to shower so I shalst talk abt that another time#eternal stars au
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feeling very tom wambsgans in the club tonight
#not a statement one should probably say imao#idk just thinking thoughts#about like being really intense and liking people more than they probably like me maybe?#i get why tom was like that™️ with greg tbh#like okay i wouldn’t do half the shit he did to him in the first half of their relationship but i understand in a way ya know?#i don’t have a shiv though#and my greg isn’t my greg it’s literally normal imao#i’m just hormonal at 4am lol ignore me#nah but i do wish i could find my greg#in the way that they love each other so much even though everything they do to each other#their pieces fit and just oughhhhh!!#i’m never getting over them is the point of this post mainly but also i’m#blahhhh anyways imaooooo#you fuckers will get what i mean by this#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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Any Tommies out there who want to be yelled at and fought with
#jack's rambles#mainly a joke post but. hhhhhrrrrrrrrrr#GRRRRRRRRRR#YEARS!!!!!! YEARS OF HURT AND LONELINESS AND ABANDONMENT#AND ALL I& GET IS AN APOLOGY WHEN IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE#AN APOLOGY WON'T UNDO ALL THESE YEARS OF PAIN!!!!!!!!! I& DON'T FUCKING WANT APOLOGIES ANYMORE!!!!!!#NOT LIKE I& GET MANY!!!!!! BUT STILL!!!!#I& WANT HIM TO *FEEL* WHAT HE HAS DONE TO ME&!!!!!!!! I& WANT HIM TO REALIZE THE FULL EXTENT OF IT#I& WANT TO BE PURE EVIL I& WANT TO MAKE HIS LIFE AT LEAST HALF AS MISERABLE AS MINE& WAS#FOR HALF THE TIME MINE WAS#JUST A FRACTION#IT'S SIMPLY NOT FUCKING FAIR!!!!!!!!! HE GETS TO MAKE AN APOLOGY AND LIVE GUILT FREE EVER AFTER#AND NEVER EVEN THINK OF WHAT I& WENT THROUGH#I& COULDN'T FUCKING CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN EXILE BITCH IF YOU WANTED ME& TO CARE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE KILLED ME&#I& HOPE HE GOES BACK TO EXILE AGAIN. AND I& WANT TO BEAT HIM UP AND KILL HIM MYSELF& THERE
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