#and realistically for MYSELF I am
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it's been a rough week tbh. having three days off honestly exhausted me more than energized me. that piled with a ton of OTHER shit i won't get into bc it's just stressing me out even more, and...
fuck. i've never felt so fucking incapable and simultaneously proud of myself.
#greyrambles;#not snz#idk what to do half the time but#i think i really need to learn to keep parts of my life private#which is hard bc i don't see my therapist that often#and sometimes i really REALLY just wanna burst out with everything so i info dump and lbr#nobody ever really cares or gives a shit and they aren't obligated to#like my friends obvs are treasures to me but i also don't wanna burden them with my constant negative thoughts/feelings#journaling helps a little but#i'm just tired of feeling like a disappointment for not knowing how to properly manage my fucking life#i'm so tired of being told i'm not doing enough#i just want to be enough#and realistically for MYSELF I am#but i take other people's words to heart so so easily#how do you not do that lol
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... and he was eager moreover to discover all that he could concerning Mankind. He it was that first met Men in Beleriand and befriended them; and for this reason he was often called by the Eldar Edennil, 'the Friend of Men'. (Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth)
(partially inspired by this)
#small disclaimer: i still haven't completed my annual silm reread#so this mayyyy be a little bit inaccurate#i was having so many thoughts about finrod and the edain again so i couldn't stop myself :)#but!#clarisse! you may ask. whats up with the hands being so realistic but they still have cartoon faces#i don't know. i respond. im at that stage of drawing#you know how sometimes you draw something and stare it for too long and you start having a crisis of whether it was even a good idea#like i've been working on this for the past week! and have no idea if it's even comprehensible#however. i am done with it and methinks is time to release it to the wild#clarisse doodles#tolkien#the silmarillion#finrod felagund#beor the old#house of beor#baran#andreth#beren
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Hear me out: MC and Seb exploring the underwater caves together
#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#sebastian sallow x mc#hogwarts legacy#fanart#IM JUST SAYIN#it could be…quite…romantic?#or more?#like listen no one in their right of mind is going to dive in FULL ON ROBES#so realistically speaking#things are coming off#my gal Elly was NOT prepared for this#homegirl is literally just trying to find some armour or something#wow why am I doing this to myself#when I need to WRITE#hell this could even be a scene in an upcoming chapter but NO IM TOO IMPATIENT#this was so hard to draw guys#like I was STRUGGLING#water?#wet skin?#WET CLOTHES ON WET SKIN?#ugh awful
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You found a spider in the ceiling... er... the ceiling of the multiverse? Weird
[Commissions are open]
closeup :)
#idk i got bored and i like using funky colors... and so do the spiderverse animators so... here i am#into the spider verse#across the spiderverse#across the spider verse#spiderman#spiderverse#spiderverse fanart#miles morales#gwen stacy#gwiles#miles and gwen#i dont actually... ship them..... but i wanted to draw them so#i fucked myself over by making them too realistic on my first try and i got really sad bc i am very slowly losing my style to college#the tragedy... of learning anatomy professionally.....
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day two - maritime
Sleep was easiest at sea, nestled in a nook of the old ship where there was no past to run from, only the groans and creaks of the hull straining against the waves.
auraugust promptos
#her first voyage with the sanguine sirens was 100% the first time ajisai ever slept deeply because she felt safe#even if she wouldn't admit it at the time#ffxiv#auraugust2024#ffxiv screenshots#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv screenies#au ra#raen#ajisaijar#gposejar#shaking myself by the shoulders#i don't need to pick at every word i write; there's a whole month for au ra and i don't have the time to edit and re-edit and re-edit and--#i am not happy with this and i think it's because mentally i just want to write a fucking chapter for each post but we need to be realistic
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I need to get this out of my system or i will blow up. LIKE DAMN.. DAMN. LIKE OKAY. Like damn. Like. Tears in my eyes . fistful of hair . rocking back and forth . damn. He is ruining my life. Guys on the count if 3 throw the biggest rock at me. I need to be stoned there is no cure to this. goodnight cruel world.
#averitext#I AM GKING TO VOMIT.#IS SO LIKE#soft.......#I am gonna pop him into my mouth#this will get inappropriate very quickly i should hold myself back#ITS JUST GUYS?????? LIKE GUYS LIKE COME ON#like okay#like he is so handsome#i want. a 30 minute long sfm animation very human and realistic and smooth of him talking and chatting really softly and being really happy#and passionate and full of love and joy and oh god#cant even say my wife anymore this is just something else#mental breakdown in tags because this being in the actual blog will end me up in a hospital#please#lethal injection
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did nora clean or unpack anything today? no. did she write? also no. she did have beer for breakfast, though
#simblr#ts4 edit#sims 4#nora#so she's essentially a hot mess of a human being#a piece of shit and i say it lovingly lmao#she's me if left unchecked#and off my meds ajskfkkshsgkk#real intro to come soon bc i wanna be extra but basically she has familial issues#left home to become a writer#dropped out of uni#maybe will go back?? we'll see#couldn't make it as a writer or afford rent but conveniently inherited her estranged mother's home#so she's living there now#it's a mess and she's a mess and i am v excited to play her#some realistic gameplay!! wooo#still working on some things but cant help myself frm posting bc i am pumped!!! for now#other family idea is on hold for her bc my heart tells me she is the one#<3#summer save
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huge props to marinette for spinning up that lie so fast and on the spot, too. I thought I was good but damn. of course she must have had a general idea of what she was going to say to adrien beforehand going off of gabriel's "make me look good" and her own love telling her that the truth would hurt adrien even more, but that's just a very vague idea. she could not have possibly spun up that entire story of a lie in her head beforehand with all that was going on - dealing with all the truths coming in one after the other, the crying, the emotional trauma, getting the kwamis back -
and of course, there's adrien. he is one of the highest things on her list of priorities, his safety being the first thing she needs to take care of. the problem is, she doesn't know how. the only thing she can do in that situation is lie. a small lie. just one to make it better for now and then she can make it a long-term lie later. make sure no one else finds out.
and once she started telling the lie, once the first words were out of the mouth, it was all improvisation. her next words showed up in her head as she was going, spinning up a believable story, just good enough to be taken as the truth. she rambled - a rookie mistake for liars - but you couldn't blame her. she's a professional liar, almost, with her superhero identity, but this one is different. just one hour after learning the truth she had to cover up all this with no warning beforehand.
she couldn't tell adrien the truth. but she couldn't do much to comfort him either. ladybug couldn't tell him something only marinette knows.
she had to lie. she had to come up with something on the spot. those words would haunt her for the rest of her life - that lie was all she could think about for the next couple of months because she had to make it work. she had to keep the truth and make everything work out. it wasn't a big deal. she just had to tell adrien something, anything that would comfort him! what would comfort him about his father? what would convince him that he was a good guy this whole time? that he was a, a, a hero! yes, she would tell him that. it was a white lie! she wasn't a bad person! she just had to tell adrien that his father was a hero so that he would never have to know the truth and suffer like she did. he was a hero.
was.
once that word came out of her mouth, there was no going back.
#ok coming from someone who is VERY good at lying (and no that's not a lie) I am VERY IMPRESSED by that.#it's not even an exaggeration by the writers. in fact I think this is perfect.#ive had to lie several times before. make sure there were no plot holes in the story I was trying to spin to get out of trouble. to be safe#to save a life.#this is very realistic of her.#when she's under pressure she talks. she lies. some of her smartest moments are made up of lies. it might seem like a good idea at the time#she might not know what's coming out of her mouth as she's saying it.#but regardless she needs to deal with it later. once the adrenaline has finally died down and she faces the consequences of her actions.#once the emotion has died down. once the truth of what she's said sinks in.#I lie on the spot if I have to. my stories stay active for just long enough that eventually it becomes a fact of life and I have to remembe#each detail of the lie so that it doesn't fall apart.#it can't fall apart. the world will end if it falls apart.#(the world is a web of lies that I have spun.)#oh MAN the marinette thoughts today. should I write a fic. yea im writing a fic.#marinette dupain cheng#miraculous ladybug#ml spoilers#ml london special#wait I just realised all these paragraphs I typed up what the heck what am I doing with my time#gotta love lying to people tho.#actually no thats a lie I hate it.#ugh life is so confusing can I pls just project myself onto marinette instead of having to deal with stuff#yk out of all the characters I didn't realise SHE would be one of the ones I resonate with the most. but thats a fact and I love it.
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I feel like Mac & Dennis had to have SOME in-universe rationalization for getting rid of all of their furniture and all I could come up with was
A) sold (or attempted and failed to sell) their preexisting furniture to invest in their awesome new inflatable furniture business
B) to make room for their inflatable furniture business inventory (would be a literal explanation for the 'no room' comment) or
C) they had actually been renting NOT JUST the couch but the beds and chairs and etc, and panicked upon discovering this was a dumb as fuck move
#iasip#Realistically leaning towards a combination of A & B. But I love C#I'm not even talking about the rationalization for one bed here I'm talking about getting rid of everything TO BEGIN WITH.#It's easy to come up with in-character excuses for the bed but just getting rid of all the furniture is a mystery to me#Ok I fucking love that episode because it is so pleasing to the part of my brain that likes to linger on unimportant background details#like the fridge contents or everything about Charlie's apartment/bathroom situation#Kind of want to continue elaborating on the latter in the tags here but it's 7 am and I told myself I'd be going to sleep at 4 so uh#mission failed goodnight
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complaining about creative writing post
#realistically i know it's fine and common and pretty popular even to do multiple works exploring the same theme#but after a while it does get slightly embarrassing to open a new document and do some shit to it and then sit back and go aw hell.#i did the thing i just did last week. but now it's a square#get a new trick guy!! write a different theme once in a while guy#rookposting#i woke up with a lawlight idea since ive been wanting to do another deranged oneshot that i mostly write at work so i started doing that#and then was like wow this feels remarkably too similar to the other shit i have already put them through#i need to like send them to the circus or something. get a new trick#i mean i can put them through it again!! i know no one will object to me putting them through it again#but i am wishing for some variety in my own diet that i am feeding to myself#this is not a post complaining about audience reception. this is a post complaining about lack of enrichment that i am giving myself#ALSO I THINK MY LIGHT NENDO MIGHT BE BEYOND REPAIR :( that has nothing to do with creative writing#but it does make me sad.
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posting something new is so much fun for so many reasons but it does always mean an interesting little bit where it’s like am i gonna have to gently handhold a new fandom through the concept of aromanticism and romance repulsion or are they gonna be cool about my adamant and guaranteed to never change refusal to write ship fic all on their own
#gav gab#ONLY TIME WILL TELL#not that anyone needs an excuse or justification if they’re a gen fic connesoir like myself#but it is a little like#no really. No Really this is all i ever am or will be about#and you gotta get cool with that or see yourself out#I write about intimacy and love and connection and yearning I do Not however write about romance#i occasionally write about sex these days! still doesn’t involve romance#let’s all be realistic about our expectations here ahsjsbsnsn
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Fandom: Tekken
Relationship: Kazama Jun/Mishima Kazuya
Rating: Explicit (this one has sexy times so not for kiddos)
THIS IS POST TEKKEN 8. BIG TEKKEN 8 SPOILERS. DON'T READ IT WITHOUT FINISHING THE GAME UNLESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILERS.
Additional Tags: Reunion, Reunion sex, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Awkward Conversations About Not-So-Accidentally Trying to Murder Your Son and Actually Murdering Your Dad and Kind of Accidentally Abandoning Your Unknown Baby-Mama, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Dealing with the mental fallout of Tekken 2 to Tekken 8, which for both of them is...a lot, but they're getting there
"I am not the man you want me to be," Kazuya admits. "But that does not mean the man I am does not love you."
"...Still?" Jun asks, the word the only thing that can quite get out of her throat.
#tekken#jun kazama#kazuya mishima#kazjun#kazujun#kazjun week 2024#kazujunweek2024#yes this is SO GOD DAMN LATE#But it took on a life of its own and it's 16K so#;_; I throw myself on the mercy of the Kaz/Jun shipping court#this is the last prompt so now I gotta finish the others I started lol#There will probably be a sequel to this with Jin's perspective at some point because I am mentally ill for the Mishimas atm#because I imagine it would be so fucking weird to seeing your dad and mom get together after all...that#my favorite part of this fic is the repetitive aspect where they mirror one another a lot#....and tbh Kaz going GET USED TO YELLING MY NAME WOMAN which I think is the most in character thing I've ever written for him#this man is a service dom and a terror#I tried to write more realistic sex scene for them here and that was also quite fun!
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༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆𖦹.✧˚
It feels like it's been a while since I've made a drawing purely for myself; something non project related. So I started this little page, starring me and featuring my two best friends. Whenever I don't know who or what to draw, I always fall back on myself. Not in an egotistical way, or at least I hope not, but more in a curious way. I know myself better than anyone, but I'm still new. There's still so much to discover, and every little e drawing brings me one step closer step closer to that true knowledge. Anyway, I hope y'all like these sketches of my chubby face. Stay safe and spread love. <33
XOXO, Lorelei
༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆𖦹.✧˚
#sometimes drawing myself is really hard#because I want to be realistic#but I'm still coming to terms with being shaped the way that I am#so sometimes there's a cry break or two involved in the process#but drawing myself accurately can also be healing#because I'm not forcing myself to be something I'm not#anyway#enjoy my stare#the only drawing I actually used my face as a reference for#besides the baby photo#art#drawing#sketch#queer#sketchbook#sketchbook page#artwork#artist#artists on tumblr#queer artist#small artist#female artists#yippie#love and peace <3
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little sneak peak to a maybe next drawing??
idk, we'll see how it goes so far im not sure, maybe i'll change everything in the end and it'll look differently
actually i think i might just do that, idk if i'll be able to get a result i want in this style
holy shit john why do you have a difficult face + colour theory is a bitch and i dont understand it
honestly he kinda looks more like joel from tlou
#alex rider#alex rider fanart#fanart#john rider#yassen gregorovich#digital art is hard#colour theory what's that??#why am i doing this to myself#i hate drawing realistically or anything close but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get that specific result
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i hate having memory issues
#“if you cared you would remember” / people thinking youre lying to them about things you did/didn't do / i am incredibly easy to gaslight#entire chunks of my recent life just. gone without warning#people who know more about me than i do myself#why cant i have a functioning brain#vent#sparks speaks#re the gaslight thing my psychosis + memory issues + regular weird realistic and/or semi-prophetic timeline dreams make me#incredibly prone to questioning reality and manipulable all the time. and i hate it#i wish i could believe in my own senses#unreality mention
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I've been reading the Percy Jackson books for the first time over the past two weeks! Just finished "The Battle of the Labyrinth" last night (which btw is my favorite of the series so far!!)
I have now gained a new obsession but it might not be what you think
#like i swear to god i did not expect to be absolutely enthralled by the protagonist's mom kahskahfjkaja#she's just so fascinating to me#she's so kind and smart and she has given EVERYTHING for her son okay#like her staying married to an abuser for years to protect him omg she deserves the world#like when Poseidon called her a queen in the first book he was 100% right alright she is a queen#the woman murdered her abuser with a monster's head LIKE THAT'S SO AWESOME#also i cannot explain how obsessed i am with her relationship with Poseidon okay#like. do i want her to still have feelings for him? yes. do i need poseidon to pine and long for her from the distance?? ABSOLUTELY YES.#like realistically it's more likely that be does not but I need it okay#like at first i wanted them to be reunited because you know. of course i did.#but i am perfectly content with her finding love and happiness with a mortal man and Poseidon pining for her from the distance#like listen. this woman is amazing and she deserves to have an immortal all powerful god unable to get over her alright SHE DESERVES IT#but the way he just showed up at Percy's birthday party and called her as beautiful as ever????? omg??? BECAUSE YES SHE IS#and she blushed??? be still my beating heart#kahskahfksja honestly laughing at myself right now like I'm just over here watching a Sally Jackson tele novela in my head#AND HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE#percy jackson#no spoilers please if you see this post i know very little about the story and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself that way#also jsut as an fyi i am also a little obsessed with Percy and Annabeth kajakshdjshsha they are too cute and intense#sally jackson#percy jackson and the olympians
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