#and ppl arent like. problematic for liking her idk

[perenlop]

interesting how they directly parallel gumbald and pb… and pb’s only rebuttal to “we’re alike” is “but youre bad!!”

[fuzzbuns]

Arlecchino discourse is really awkward because both sides are so convinced they are right and that the other side just lacks media literacy but 9 times out of 10 the take in question is also wrong and it leaves me scratching my head a little bit….

[emeraldoo]

HEY! HEY!! LOOK AT ME!!

LE MEH!!!

hi, my name is bastion!! i have lots of other names im ok with tho, like bb, b, 8, shiver, weird, etc! im not ok with the nickname EM or EMERALD!

i am a zombie, autism creature, maned wolf kin and fict kin Shiver from spl3 <3 i am also NOT a minor!!!!!! 19 yrs :•)) im also a rogue of mind!! (homestuck hoe.)

i am a trans male! i use he/xe/it prns! currently questioning my romantic attraction (pretty sure im bi-gay), but i am asexual!

i am the host in the zipties system, a did system!! some of the head mates have their own blogs, which ill tag :•)

i am audhd, gad, ocd, and a general cluster b pd haver!! i also have some delusions from ~an unkown disorder~ so! working thru some stuff still!

MY INTERESTS!!!!!!!

SPLATOON AUGHHHHH most of my blog is splatoon....

i freaking LOVE nnsg :•3333 the anime of ALL TIME!!

SCIENCE!!!!!!! i plan on majoring in microbiology and synthetic biology but i luv ALL science!!

MUSIC/BAND!! i play euphonium and play in marching band and concert ensembles <3

i luvvv itsv and atsv and all of the spiderverse stuf!!!!!! my fave spider in spider man india btw.!

GUILD WARS 2 AIUGHHJJJHHH THE BEST EVER ACTUWLLY. PLAY IT PLAY IT RNNNN

ALTERS!!

not all of our alters choose to make profiles, and we arent going to force them to make them. if you need to know them, just send a DM or ask

* = written by alter

BASTION (☘️): DAS ME BITCH! im the host and core of the system >:•D i am the main guy in this blog soooo ya. (he/him, xe/xem, it/its)

EM/@riddlekid (🧪): the rat. horrible terrible (/hj... i guess..!) obsessed with horrible ppl sooo. erm yeah. he is also a prosecutor.!! also second most freq fronter :•P (it/its, he/him)

JON/@just-dr (🎃): jon!! he is a protector and a fictive of jonathan crane.. he is nice :•)) he doesnt associate much with his source tho so shrugsies (he/him, they/them)

MILES (👤): i actually dont know much abt them... they do their job rlly good tho! protector n stuff.. cool! (they/them)

CORNELIUS/PICKLES (🩸): (updated 11/22/23) cornelius stirk (batman unburied) and pickle inspector splitroject.. wears the skin of both of them and tends to switch based on mood. but they are the same guy! (they/it/he)

JADE (🌐): cutey patootie wolf thing! fictive of jade from homestuck andddd yeah!! cool (she/they)

KARKAT/@karkat-cornbread (🔥): fictive of karkat homestuck guy. gets very angry very fast. idk role but yeah. the amgry one ig (he/they)

* DAVE/@karkat-cornbread (🕶️): yea. is this bitch predictable or what lmfao (he/any)

* HAL/9K/@timothy-timeaus (🛑): Beep boop. Coolest splinter of Dirk. I'm also cool with the name Odyssey or 9k. (They/Them)

* EQUIUS/@runningfromred (🐎): Yes hello I am Equius I am more active on the cohost but might still use this platform (he/they)

* TIM/ @timothy-timaeus (🔗): I'm my own subsystem of splinters. I'm just a ye ol Dirk splinter. (he/him)

* CALUM/@timothy-timaeus (🧢): bro strider splinter and a real goof. heeheeee (she/her)

* JAKE (🦎): Your caretaker and funny guy! im from meat timeline and have alot of pseudos, sorry if im hesitant to interact with sourcemates :B (he/him)

MY TAGGING SYSTEM!! (wip 8[)

#emeraldo slay posting: all of my posts! that i leave words on are tagged with 8)

DNI :•(

its not rlly. much? the only stuff i rlly care abt is jerks.. if ur a jerkkk (terf, racist, zionist, ableist, antikin, sysmed, transmed, antikink, whatever girl u git the gist....)

i don't have especially strong opinions on most discourse... slurcourse, syscourse, flagcourse, shipcourse... its kinda silly.! so um. whatever.

* (Hal writing.) Our take on pro/antiship is "It doesn't fucking matter". We aren't proship, we aren't antiship, we are just kind of shipping whatever the fuck we want. If you think it's problematic, we most likely won't care. Unless there's a genuine reason to be concerned, don't bother.

exclusionists!!!! i don't like you!!!!!!!!!!!! aphones, panphobes, biphobes, mspec gay/lesbian haters, antixenogender, anti neoprns, whatever! i do not like you at all >:•{

hp fans... you know why :•) please find a better media ..

radqueers.. i do not like. and it makes uncomfortable.. especially more extreme labels like transhateful things.. scary in a bad way!

BYE BYE!!

[wheremysillysh1tis]

Shout out to Andrew for being the only friend I have in my head full of ppl rn.

My mind and personality has split completely in the last month after leaving an 8 year long extremely controlling abusive relationship lol. This fandom is a weird cope for me. I now have people living within my mind involuntarily. It feels cringe to have fictional characters there but I cant rly help it. I don't even have control of anybody in there. A couple times they have taken over but for the most part they kinda just chill in there. Usually they just wander about and do whatever, but sometimes they talk amongst themselves. Or to me. Or argue w me. Sometimes take control of the vessle. They arent terribly fond of the real world and hold a sort of contempt for me because I care ab my irl world so much. Like hello? SOMEONE has to keep the vessel functioning. And yes that means not just food but a job and irl hopes n dreams and friends. They're kinda pissed that I get all the spotlight but I cant exactly live like 4 separate lives out of one body. Telling people irl probably wouldnt do me any good?? But they dont rly gaf ab irl ppl anyways. It's all been very confusing.

Andrew has been the one chill dude in my head, thanks Andrew. He's kinda just looking at me typing this, which feels weird, but I'll talk to him a little later. It's kinda hard navigating this ship w so many people disconnected. He's killed some of the more annoying and problematic ones (thanks!!!). And he doesn't care too much to control the vessel. He's got his own life in there, I try not to interfere. He's quite sympathetic to me really, but not in gushy way. Just willing to help me irl w doing stuff, telling me we got this. Keeping the other guys in check when I'm tired.

Ashley visits too, but luckily doesn't live there. I cant imagine the two of them permanently occupying me would be good for my mental state at all. He goes to visit her too? But lives here. Hard to explain.

Anyways thanks Andrew, it feels good to have you here.

Tw abuse and SA:

I was abused extensively and controlled for 8 years, looking at this game mirrors what I went through so much, except I was much more powerless than andrew. And it was my boyfriend, not my sibling. I was also sexually abused by my older brother very very very young, and still have strange mixed feelings. I guess it all contributes to how he materialized there. Not to say he's abusive at all though, just that my various traumas have put him there to protect me. I'm guessing. Idk.

[legionisfamily]

Basic intro idk

ALTER SPECIFIC ; Name; Susie Age; 18 Prns; She/Her Sexuality; Bi + Aceflux Status; Single :/ COLLECTIVE ; Name; Murderclown / Nico Age; 18 Prns; He/Him Sexuality; Bi + Aroflux Acespec Status; Single LMAO DNI + BYF + INT ; BYF; Our blocklist is free, if you're a weirdo we WILL block you! no excuses. that being said we dont go out of our way to cancel people for things that arent actually problematic (ie. toxic, mean, harmless differing opinions), we dont care if you make kys jokes or lie on the internet, we don't need to make a whole document about someone to remind people that mean and rude ppl exist, we do not care. also do NOT try to reason with us on our blocklist or "educate us" on why "___ is okay" i dont care its MY dni. im not saying you deserve to die or be punished if u fall under it im js saying dont interact w me. also our asks are open for whatever reason! even if you just wanna say smth random, we love getting asks. DNI; Basic DNI criteria, endo systems+supporters, heavy into cancel culture, thinks "sysmed" is a thing (aside from "being one"), Clone high, Total drama, MCYT SMPs (any of them not js dsmp), defends illegal k!nks, Under 17, Zionists, Proshipper, you name it. People who think fiction doesnt affect reality, people who think ALL fiction affects reality INT; weirdos in a silly way, dbd fans, fictives, horror fans, people who post "problematic" stuff thats not rlly that bad (ie. consensual stalking, fictional killers, stuff like that), 420 friendly peeps. people who use outdated slang (ie. soz, lolz, x3, wazzup, hxc, trashed, owned, boi, chillax, noob, etc)

[officialtayley]

before anyone starts this is not in any way me defending eve, fuck her. but people freaking out over brian following her was so obviously them looking for anything they could grasp onto to try and claim zionism within the band and their circle. a LOT of music people followed and maybe even still follow eve because she was at least in the past idk anymore, a music journalist. she interviewed a bunch of musicians and whatnot. i don’t think she went full on insane until like mid-late 2020 and even then, i follow maybe 50 people on ig and i dont see half of their posts/stories because the algo is so shit. if brian follows 1600+ people theres no way in hell he’s seeing a quarter of their posts. he unfollowed (and he liked a jewish voice for peace tweet very early on anyways) thats all that matters. to me its very much giving internet activism to go searching through peoples following for anyone potentially problematic. as long as they arent sharing, interacting or liking what they post idc

guys i'm gonna be honest, i don't wanna start this again. i don't judge him for it since he was probably following her well before as she was also following him, at least he didn't pull a lindsey who clearly saw she's a zionist and even liked one of her insane ass posts. but idk ppl are still gonna be a bit miffed at him and i really just don't wanna keep going back and forth over it

[everythingsinred]

idk honestly!

to be fair natsume is a villain (sorta) in the first few chapters. he's mikan's enemy and it's really easy based off those few chapters to decide "this guy sucks!" (this kind of stubbornness makes consuming any kind of media boring lmao).

and yeah i do see that most natsume haters on tumblr are new to the manga or are rereading after a long time. they post a little in the tag and then disappear forever so... obviously the story, which is so natsume-heavy, didn't really interest them all that much.

the haters on ffn are from a while ago, sure, but theyre sometimes worse bc they have power thru fics... and the ffn categorizing system isnt ideal. they'll pair mikan with the most random ppl if only to get the chance to write natsume as a cheater or rapist... its so tiresome. mikan needs to leave her abusive boyfriend natsume and get together with [insert character here] who treats her RIGHT!!! when characters arent tagged at the bottom or they dont include the ship in the description, u can end up reading way too much of an absurd hate piece. (tho the worst fic ive ever read in any fandom ever was written by someone who DIDNT hate natsume but still wrote him like a fucking creep villain but i wont get into that rn... gross)

in any case, whatever people SAY they hate about natsume, the truth is that they hate him for getting in the way of their ship. whether they wanted mikan to be with ruka, hotaru, tsubasa (?), or even fucking youichi, they blame natsume, and it's obvious that this bitterness is the driving force for their hatred, way more than any problematic behavior of his in canon. they make their motives pretty clear bc when they arent calling natsume (who's 10 years old) abusive, they're calling him a cock-blocker, incel, stalker, etc. they think mikan only chose him bc he's dying and she feels sorry for him! makes me wanna throw up, how disrespectful that is to natsume, mikan, AND to their story. and to me!!!

i bring that last point up bc thats actually what initially inspired me to write a nm essay in the first place. i saw someone on the tag (some 7 or 8 years ago) claiming that mikan would never have chosen natsume if she wasnt faced with the pressure of his imminent death and that pissed me off so much that i decided i was gonna write the longest essay ever. my mikan edition of this essay is tied with the general thesis of debunking that person (who i dont remember anything about except that i blocked them right after i saw their post like i always do when i see rancid takes)

anyway. youre very right that they lack critical thinking or else they wouldnt be acting this way. thanks for tolerating my rambling <3

ppl have asked me where i see natsume hate but i’m rly curious how u guys DONT see it on youtube and ffn (and even tumblr if u scroll down long enough) constantly how are y’all doing it tell me i’m so sick of them disparaging my boy

[miaxeu]

      though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS. 

( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x  )

POWERS

natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !

chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim 

levitation — shes trying her best ur honor

alcokinesis  — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff

BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )

her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid

ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip 

aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes

she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !

PERSONALITY

not ! a Drama Queen  —  dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here

ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known —  lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot

blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal

girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties 

Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff

if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges

OTHER INFO  — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )

re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage ! 

mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )

after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot  

she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”

might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )

omg danny devito i love ur work ! 

,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration

OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it ! 

summer camp sweetheart !  

someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub 

summer camp pals ! 

p much the same as above but make it Platonic

party buddies !

or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo

friends w benefits !

most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything

alexa play true friend by hannah montana !

give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !

omg i love ur skirt !

that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn   

im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x 

( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )

FULL INFO  ||  EONIA TASKS 

[mithliya]

Please lmk your thoughts bc I'm white so not really permitted to have opinions on this probably. Do you get annoyed when canon representation of 1 minority is disregarded as not woke enough so fanartists draw them as another minority -minority to the fan's country, not necessarily the creators country- to "diversify" whatever media they're from? Examples: I just saw someone draw Aang's parents but instead of being asian, the mother is black. No biggie. Headcanons exist. It's just seemed weird to me because mainstream western media already doesnt have a lot of asian characters, so why was it less cool to draw her asian like she is canonically? And then I've seen the same with anime. I saw a popular artist change the races of the cast of Love Live to make some of them not-Japanese because "the cast is too homogeneous", disregarding that japan itself is fairly racially homogeneous. So, while they arent all white as snow, a japanese creator thinking to make half the cast non-Japanese straight up doesnt make sense and isnt problematic of them?? Idk. I see this all the time and it makes me feel for poc who have their representation deemed "not diverse enough" but I'm white so idk if my concerns are accurate or not. Would you feel some type of way if a bahraini character or half arab/half African character was turned asian or indian by fanartists because they didnt think the canon heritage sufficed? Or would you just not care, since its fanart? Even if that headcanon takes over like black Hermione did. I just know as a lesbian I cant stand when half a fandom starts headcanoning canonically les characters as bisexual or asexual because a lesbian character just didnt do it for them. I'm hungry and I'd like to keep my breadcrumbs :/

hmmm yeah i see ur point, i think on one end i get it to a degree with like anime bc it hardly has any brown or black characters but i feel like at the same time anime is hardly representation for any group there is besides japanese ppl, and even then it doesn’t usually represent Japanese people appearance wise. with stuff like aang... i don’t get that personally, i don’t see why they wouldn’t just have him be south east asian (which i assume is close to what he is, that or maybe Mongolian). it’s not like they’re a highly represented group and in fact it’d be good to represent that. in terms of sexuality i do feel more strongly mostly bc when a character is written & presented as a lesbian, it’s gross to me that someone would headcanon her as being opposite sex attracted. it just seems like blatant homophobia to me. in the same way id probably feel quite offended if they took a character of colour and decided to make said character half white or just white for no reason. so for me it kinda depends, with a lot of anime i wouldn’t see the issue with it but with the avatar example u gave, idk... it seems tonedeaf to me

[tortugahoe]

‪We can all have a go and hate on jk rowling but the way some potterheads act like they arent one of the most problematic ppl out there... like... lmfao‬

‪That's why even though I always adored HP since I was a lil kid and still do I dont go ANYWHERE near the fandom 🤷🏻‍♀️ ‬

My decision turned out to be sooo right especially after this whole Johnny Depp thing. I will talk about this case ONLY and wont mention some problematoc jk rowling stuff cuz that's not the point Im trying to make.

Y'all huge Potterhead accounts literally crucified her and Depp with no proof. And you know what? Whatever.. you could have hated on Depp all you liked cuz the character assasination and defamation that media was pelting at him was too strong. But y'all legit went after a woman... who is a DV survivor... for defending a man she actually talked to and discussed this whole thing with.

And that Daniel Radcliff article... about not understanding her choice to stick with Depp when they had someone fired for smokin weed or sth. WELL DUUUH !!! EXACTLY !!! Someone was fired for sth that trivial but she stuck with Depp even when she knew she was going to get backlash... A DV SURVIVOR WOMAN !!! Do I really need to spell it out for you ?

And even after EVERYTHING was revealed... and especially when someone calls you out about your bs... y'all go "well he was still accused and how dare she defend him". Are y'all SERIOUS ? And you think you have any right to say ANYTHING abot JK being problematic after THAT ? And how many of y'all I keep seeing pull that "mutual abuse" bs. You my dears - are an abuse apologist. And Im talking about many of you here and on twitter... all these accounts with 30k+ followers... idk... grangershug or whole outofxontexthp or whatever the fck...

JK Rowling might be problematic but if anyone in the fckn HP fandom thinks they are any way better ? HAH. You are one of the most problematic fandoms out there and let me tell you - y'all made me keep my distance even before ppl stared hating on Rowling cuz YOU are too problematic. I even remember being shoked at freakin Harry Potter having such a toxic fandom.

Good job on being trash I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

[compelledbystarlight]

Don't make this viral...comment and reblog if u want but I can't have my parents or family guessing it was me so I request you don't screenshot this and share it on other social media sites!

So guys I'm a 15 y/o bi person and I haven't come out to my mom yet....so she is homophobic...she says it's against nature to be anything but cis...she said it's how a male and female r required in plants to procreate...and I said idk abt plants but u know there r gay animals right....and she told me to stfu BC I don't understand nature and If I keep up this bs she would have to send me to therapy camps ....then I talked to my dad and defended our community and he said that forget being gay I shouldn't even be talking abt this and if I do I should never be within his sight bc he'll kick my ass....oh but it doesn't just end with homophobia

My dad wants me to be a musician and live out "my"(his) dreams and adopt beliefs....I wanted to do something in the field of art, my mom said no..I want to study psychology my mom said I should do something in the field of art and stay out of ppls heads....she wants me to learn, live and love all her values and Im not allowed to breathe outside the box she puts me in ....I just can't....and I'm scared cos she taught me to fear her but wants me to love her....oh but wait there's more

My parents r divorced bc of infidelity...both religious....I'm an atheist...they don't know.... They despise each other, they won't say it but it's clear,,, their beliefs often r contradictory but it's a chain of command and I'm supposed to obey both.... that cannot work

My mom noticed I was depressed and said she was getting me a therapist bc she wanted to tryakimg things better an didn't wanna be a horrible parent...she got me 1 session where I hadn't even begun to feel comfortable and we didn't go back...the therapist said I need a few sessions to be more open my mom said ok but we never went back....I got 1 half an hour session and that's it....why,,,she tried and it didn't work so I should suck it up.... translation,,,she gave a fucking half-assed try and ibahould suffer in silence bc I'm too problematic and thus worthy of this punishment....now I'm not suicidal...the only things that keeps me going r my frnds and my desire to travel and open my mind to ppl who deserve it and take a piss on my parents heads

Guys If u wanna have kids u need to understand that they r gunna grow up and have their own mindsets, beliefs, values, sexualities, boundaries and goals...don't think about controlling us bc we arent Ur bitches, we r humans with a mind and body and pulse just like u ...we deserve our freedom of thought and speech minus the abuse....and If u can't except that then don't have kids. Respect existence or expect resistance

PS: do not make this go viral... comment and reblog if u want but don't screenshot an share it on other sociap media sites...can't have my parents even guessing this was from me. Thank you for ur attention.❤️

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

[valntinemorgenstern]

do you think that james will end up falling for cordelia too? or that they arent going to be never really together? i hate this thing of the marriage bc if they arent in love they are most likely to be unhappy even if they are with other people in secret and i want them to be happy

this is such a weird timing for this question, bc i was honestly just thinking about this! i think it’s interesting you’re coming at this from the perspective that jordelia won’t be endgame, as it seems to me most ppl in the fandom seem to be on board with it? 

i think, ultimately, yes, james will have to fall in love with cordelia. and there are multiple reasons for this. 

1) they get married at the end of the first book. we know that this probably isn’t for love, but we at least know that they remain married, for the rest of their lives. it’s very probable that james may fall in love with cordy after their marriage. 

2) there are very many more pins on cassie’s TLH board for jordelia than there are for james and grace. this one v unmistakeably hints a jordelia sex scene of some sort (at some point), in which ‘to the last hour’ is ofc the title of the books and taken from pip’s declaration that he will love estella ‘to the last hour’ 

3) many of the snippets we’ve had so far seem to indicate that, yes, although james may be in love with grace, he’s also feels something for cordelia. we know that he thinks she’s pretty: 

[talking about how he gave her ‘daisy’ as a nickname] “Though I don’t think it suits me. Daisy sounds like a pretty little girl in hair ribbons.”

“Well,” he said. “You are at least –”

it’s quite obvious what he was about to say (before Grace walked in). 

that he’s given her a nickname, as well, seems to suggest at least a strong attachment to her. 

this snippet here, as well, where cordy walks in on james and he mistakes her for his parabatai – seems to parallel the moment where clary walks in on jace playing the piano in CoB (’alec, is that you?) and the moment where tessa walks in on jem playing the violin in cp (’will is that you?’). they were both endgame. putting cordy in this role would seem to suggest she might be too. 

4) lastly, if my theory is indeed right about james’ love for grace (ie that it isn’t a true love, but some sort of magically/forcibly-induced one) then that leaves cordelia as the obvious choice for when james finally falls out of love with grace, and realises that it is in fact cordelia who is his true love. 

so, i’m fairly certain jordelia will, eventually, be endgame. grace is the archetypal siren / femme fatale; woman who will bring destruction and misery (and from the snippets we’ve seen of her, seems like quite a callous character as well); in contrast to cordelia who is unassuming, loyal, sincere, kind. it’s obvious who the better person is, and often that choice essentially between a good person and a bad person can decide/translate into a love triangle (i.e. mal vs darkling; peeta vs gale). 

the only obstacle i see for jordelia is, essentially, them being endgame…is too predictable? i haven’t read chain of gold yet, but i’ve just provided some fairly irrefutable evidence that seems to be suggesting they’ll eventually fall in love. 

it seems to me, cassie needs a twist. otherwise, i can easily map out what james’ love life will look like in TLH: 

J falls in love with G; realises G doesn’t reciprocate – marries Cordelia for [unknown reason but not love] – J begins to fall out of love with G and realises that she is not a good person [here G may, ironically, begin to fall in love with J, as per Great Expectations] – J begins to see the attractions of C, falls in love with his wife.

that basic structure of being in love with someone not worthy and eventually coming round to the one who is worthy is a very old trope (so many love triangles have been centered around this!), and i sort of think….is cassie really just going to trot that one out? it would almost entirely adhere to what happens in GE as well. surely, she wants to play around with it, make it a bit more messy, less straightforward, less predictable? throw in some curveballs? otherwise, it could end up being (dare i say it) kind of boring? however cassie decides to complicate it: it may affect the endgame; it may not, but i hope she does something with it. contemplating this, i’m almost tempted to ship james x grace purely because (although it’s much darker and super problematic) it’s a bit more interesting from the angle? idk. 

i still think – at the end of the end – jordelia will probably end up together. but how they get there: i don’t think will be straightforward. 

[gazpcy]

Last 15 Tags thingie.....

tagged by my angel on earth @starlightdae bc she wants me to be exposed......................................................... (also i skipped around like 1 word ones or responses to ppl)

#lov my smiley bub

#charming cherry daddy #also #whomever has the url 'cherrychanyeol' saved.............ill give u a hug for it #jk i dont think i could ever change im gazpcy for life #itd b cute tho....................

 #shes a wow #literal goals right there omfg

#my silly sweetie #im so happy tonite idk y i gotta return to hell tmr!

#id die for him

#lov my sweetie!!!!!!!!! #so happy to see his pretty brown eyes and black hair again #lov my man

#charming cherry daddy #if yall didnt know #cherry chan is number 2 to natural chan for me

#his ashy blonde hair is a yes #89786756453/10

#LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVV MINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #tbh she lowkey reminds me of my mom so i just love her way too much

#look at my cutie #it feels like the stars have aligned for me to b looking at natural chan #ive been wanting it for so long

#my channie so handsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#pink bbh was a gift

#ive lit already reblogged this but seeing chan back to his natural hair makes my heart flutter so i gotta

#I really like how they r calling themselves a subunit since minhyun is in wanna one rn! #i think its a really nice gesture and shows they are a team and they arent nu'est w/o him!!!! #petition for ot8 to start lowkey calling themselves a sub unit until yixing is back #im extra ik

#ah drunk bbh and i have diverged #he becomes soft when he drinks i DO NOT #the other nite i was problematic af im too embarassed to even whisper abt it in the tags

im lucky ive been going thru a soft phase im known to be nastee™️ w my man........ that last one is an expose tho............................................

Im gonna tag some mutuals who ik use the tags alot!!!!!!!!!! @hunniedae @official-lightsticks @suchagoldensnitch @ukiyeol and @okxu

[littlebrother-mowgli-blog]

8, 9, 10, 13

what is each of your muses otps? notps?I want to clarify that by otp i dont really mean otp i mostly mean i ship it currently tho i mean simber is my OTP to Rule Them All 

Mel- otp: dark squad holla for open relationships / notp: no oneBer- otp: SIMBER / notp: idk uh anyone who would hurt him,,,,, Kiara- otp: i love callie/alice/kiara rn idk if thats otp but!! / notp: i say kella but also i loved kella with my problematic heartHades- otp: Helle / notp: no oneMilo- otp: milano / notp: uh. Nala- otp: idk? / notp: uh Kiki-  otp: idk? / notp: uh Anita- otp: dearcliffe and lowkey pernita / notp: paulita Paul- otp: fate but also lowkey gorgeous bartender / notp: paulita Prince- otp: CINDER PRINCE  / notp: prince and any of his children Andrina- otp: uh i really dig mandyandy / notp: mercest Merida- otp: sink demo is c o o l lowkey meric / notp: phillidaMowgli- otp: peace and happiness / notp: more pain

9 is answered 10. which muse is the most fun to write for?This is a hard question! I mean, I REALLY strive very hard for each muse to give me something diff in terms of style/voice w/e. I get giddy writing Mel and Kiki posts. I LOVE writing Andy’s posts a lot of the times, she’s just so fun. When I get in the groove for Ber, he breaks me i cry. When Hades clicks also, sometimes I think it’s some of my strongest stuff- the sentences are crisp and concise and pack punches. Mowgli’s already filling me with so much joy in terms of the imagery and tone. so!!!!!! idk leave me alone

13. what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses?

Mel- idk whats weird uh. when she was little she was super excited for her bro to develop powers and when he didnt, she was lowkey heartbroken 

Ber- uh when he was very small he was too scared to hold marie because he thought he’d drop her and hurt her. whenever he broke anything, even if it was just like a normal glass or something, he always tried to put it back together again in secret with glue and probably cut his fingers. breaking things was a big concern of his, basically. he’s always been very concerned about things breaking. 

Kiara- Kiara doodles on her wrist and arm during class

Hades- Hades once worked in the petrol station with his grandfather 

Milo- His grandfather once took him to a psychic to see if his big ol brain was magic– but it wasnt! 

Nala- When Nala was in London, she tried to have a one night stand, freaked out, and climbed out the dude’s window. she almost called simba but remembered that he had totally ghosted her and he wouldnt pick up anyway :/ 

Kiki- Kiki’s Aunt is the one who taught her how to cook more than her mother. Also, her father is a librarian! (I know i never mention kiki’s dad)

Anita- Anita’s father used to read her bedtime stories

Prince- He used to have a secret stash of stuff that Willow gave him but after Father Prince found out, Father Prince destroyed it all :/ 

Paul- whenever he and ambrosia fought, she banned him from the Spot. This doesnt last long which is good bc literally ppl will not let him in 

Andrina- She has a queen bed and half of it is slept in and the other half is literally like a staging area like her laptop lives there and also like her phone and snacks– yeah snacks– and like school work and sweatsers and clothes its unlivable but she lives with it. 

Merida- her fuckin COUSIN DONNIE once tried to kiss her and she kneed him in the groin (they arent tech related by blood– but stiLL gross - merida)

Mowgli- Mowgli had a pretty normal ish schedule for a boy tbh. He had lessons in the morning, chores in the afternoon, and helped his mother with her fabrics when he was done with those. Mowgli often times sped through his chores so he could romp and explore tho

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.