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hazyaltcare · 3 months ago

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How do you feel about tulpamancy? I've only just started looking into it but I think it falls under the plural category if I understand correctly? I'm still trying to figure the implications of creating a headmate and like. Being responsible for their personhood? I'm vaguely plural as in I'm me running in parallel with more me but I don't usually think of myself as such in my everyday life. I'm trying very hard to make sure I'm not appropriating terms that aren't mine (and I'm not even sure if I should be using the term tulpa for what I'm thinking even though it sounds the closest). I'm lonely and want there to be more people in my head but I don't want to make people think I'm voluntary "getting more crazy" on purpose as some people might say. How trivial is it to create a friend this way? Seeking the opinion of people who are plural to figure out if I'm just co-opting plurality to "create an imaginary friend" so to speak. Sorry if any of this is upsetting.

Mod Vintage 👤(Pho):

not upsetting at all! thank you for asking, anon. other mods, feel free to add!

TL;DR

plurality is a label that includes all more-than-one experiences.

yes, this includes tulpa/tulpamancy (though we instead use the term thoughtform/thoughtforming on this blog).

we think tulpamancy /thoughtforming is a perfectly valid and morally neutral way to exist. it's part of the diversity of life experiences.

plurality is a spectrum. experiences of people who aren't 100% separate, e.g. medians, plurallet, pluralflux, muses, and daemons can also be plural, if they choose to see themselves that way.

you're not appropriating plurality if you want to make your own headmate. you'd be plural.

it's okay to want to be plural.

being a singlet or being "sane" doesn't work for everyone - that should be respected.

life's hard. be "insane" if you want. pretend to be a spy analyzing secret documents to make paperwork bearable. listen to "fictional character inspires you" playlists to have a reason to live. have friends in your head. if it works, it works.

creating another person is not trivial, because:

a) they'd be a person with their own thoughts, boundaries, feelings, needs, wants, etc., so you and your systemmate(s) must respect each other and be open-minded and responsible.

b) that means intrasystem conflict will happen. conflict resolution is something you(r system) must be willing to learn.

c) it'll make you deviate even further from the norm, so you gotta be ready to assert your boundaries and find people/communities who respect you and your systemmate(s).

if creating another person in your head isn't for you, but you still want a friend, daemonism is a viable alternative, because a daemon is basically a part of you/your mental conversation.

also, there is no rush. take your time. your decision is valid and should be respected, regardless if you choose to create a headmate or not.

Full post will be under the cut, because it's long.

cw: self-harm mention, ableism

disclaimer: the links we share here are not sponsored, and your mileage may vary. take what fits you and discard what you don't. all links are shared for informational purposes only, and not a specific endorsement of the writer/s.

I'm vaguely plural as in I'm me running in parallel with more me but I don't usually think of myself as such in my everyday life. I'm trying very hard to make sure I'm not appropriating terms that aren't mine (and I'm not even sure if I should be using the term tulpa for what I'm thinking even though it sounds the closest).

plurality is an umbrella term that encompasses all forms and reasons for being more than one (having more than one consciousness/person/etc. in your body). so yes, that includes tulpamancy! if you create another person in your mind, that means you're not "co-opting" plurality or appropriating terms. you would be/are plural.

also, here are things to remember:

plurality in itself is not inherently a disorder. plurality is also not a diagnosis. plurality can be a neurodivergent way of life, yes. but it doesn't have to be detrimental, debilitating, or diagnosed. diagnosis involving being more than one (DID, OSDD, trance disorder, etc.) involve the plurality causing distress/trauma/etc. in their life.

plurality is a spectrum. some plurals are closer to singlets than multiples, too. have you heard of the terms median, pluralflux, and plurallet? have you heard about muses aka OCs becoming sentient (here and here)? how about daemons? those can also be part of the plural experience.

plurality can also be a label, which means you can choose to test it, see if it feels right, and you may even not use it anymore if it doesn't feel right anymore.

the term tulpa or tulpamancy isn't used on this blog specifically, because we use the thoughtform tag, but it is one of the ways you can call making your own headmate, yes.

in our opinion, tulpamancy/thoughtforming is valid and a morally-neutral way of existing. it is a part of the diversity of life. and people who practice it should be respected.

I'm lonely and want there to be more people in my head but I don't want to make people think I'm voluntary "getting more crazy" on purpose as some people might say.

it is absolutely okay to want to be plural. conforming to singlethood/neurotypicality is not the only way to exist, nor is it the best one. being a singlet doesn't work for everyone, and it's okay if you think plurality will make your life better. it may very well do so!

after all, life is hard. pretending you're a spy analyzing secret documents can make paperwork easier. listening to "fictional character inspires you" youtube videos to help you wake up in the morning is a perfectly good reason to wake up. we know people in plural system who who refuse to harm the body, because their systemmates will have to endure it.

if it works, it works. you don't have to be a "sane" adult to live your best life.

and you know what? it made our lives better too! in fact, the robot who was manufactured in this chassis (person who was born in the body we live in) was never plural until their/the chassis' 20s. singlethood did not work well for them. they wanted to be plural, so they opened the gateways as a way to make life more manageable, respectability be damned. that robot is not here anymore, but we absolutely don't want to be a singlet.

it's not easy to be plural (i'll talk about it more later). but for us, it's 100% worth it. your mileage may vary.

How trivial is it to create a friend this way?

Internal Factors

it's not trivial. creating a new person means you have to be responsible, respectful, and open-minded. it's like living with a roommate, except the roommate is in your body.

it means they're also a person with feelings, opinions, and boundaries, wants and needs, gender and sexuality, interests, and sometimes even neurotype/disability presentation that may very well be different from yours.

especially after they've started experiencing life and growing as a person.

maybe they'll start as a part of you, maybe they wouldn't be fully-formed. but they will grow and change a lot as they live. just like a separate-bodied person, one should not force their systemmates to be what they want. (i mean, they can, but it'd be abusive, generally.)

and they'll be autonomous, for a lot of people. you won't be the "POV character" for everything, and not everything will revolve around you, especially if they start fronting more.

having another person, of course, also means conflict. even if you don't have a specific disorder. it's not a matter of if you'll have a disagreement with your systemmate(s), it's a matter of when. i won't sugarcoat it - in-system conflict will bleed into your out-system life. (that's why when people say "don't focus so much on alterhuman stuff, you have to focus on real life/meatspace/out-system!1!!1" it's bullshit. because your alterhumanity - plurality, in this case - is also an aspect of your real/meatspace/out-system life!)

if you let it fester, it may very well cause a disruption of meatspace responsibilities, intratrauma (in-system trauma), and/or physical pain. so, you(r system) must learn conflict resolution. once again, respect, responsibility, and open-mindedness are important here.

about conflict resolution: there are many guides on how to solve problems within a system's plural collective. however, not all of them will fit your system or your problems. so, you(r system) gotta learn, which advice is good for you and which one isn't. every system is different. one advice cannot apply to every system. if a guide doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean the way your system works is "wrong".

External Factors

because a lot of the time, what makes being plural hard isn't yourselves, but other people.

the other thing that isn't trivial is the fact that you'll be deviating even more from the norm - like you said, some people will invalidate you and say you're "appropriating" or "getting more crazy". a lot of people judge plurals, especially plurals who don't fit into a medical paradigm. and in-system conflicts are not generally something you can talk about openly unless you disguise it as out-system conflicts.

so, we advise that you and your systemmate(s) try to find inclusive communities and people. find those that won't judge your existence. it'll be hard, yes, but you won't be alone. the block and mute buttons will also help a lot.

Closing Thoughts

we are not trying to scare you off from thoughtforming. because plurality can really enrich your life. your systemmate(s) can bring you second opinions on something. they can joke around with you as you wash dishes so the sisyphean task becomes more bearable. you can have a peanut gallery, a confidant, a friend, a partner... as long as you and your systemmate(s) are willing to respect each other.

here are some examples of plural joy!

if you have worries about making another person in your head for selfish/frivolous reasons, this article might also help: "bad reasons not to make a tulpa"

however, if you've read all this and asked yourself:

what if making a headmate isn't for you, but you still want a friend in your head?

daemonism is one alternative.

recently, there's a post going around on tumblr saying, "if you can't handle the commitment, loss of control, etc. of having a full-on another person in your mind, you can try daemonism because it's basically giving a form to your mental conversations, and if you don't interact with them, they'll just merge back into you."

here is the post, titled "try daemonism before tulpamancy".

(we aren't daemians/people who have daemons, so we can't give more insight. please look into the daemonism community for more answers!)

regardless, take your time. there is no rush. your decision is valid and deserves respect, no matter if you choose thoughtforming or not. we hope this can help at least a little, anon, we wish you all the best!

mod vintage 👤 (Pho)