#and poor buck having to hear eddie's name over and over again

[eddiestightywhities]

eddie diaz, gone (for now) but never forgotten (haunting the narrative as he should be)

[samwellwinchesterthebrave]

BuckTommy Fluffebruary day 20: Baby Fever

This is day 20 of the challenges by @bucktommyfluffebruary and it was actually hard for me to start. But once I got writing, a lot came out hehe

Safe Place

Read on ao3

Rating G / Words 3389

“Hey, Tommy, can we talk?”

An atavistic terror went through him when he heard those words in Evan's voice. The last time he'd heard those words in that serious tone, Tommy had made the biggest mistake of his life and tried to walk away from Evan. Had succeeded, too. For a time. Now, seven months into their marriage, he had to remind himself that he was committed now. Whatever it was, they would figure it out together.

“Sure,” Tommy finally said slowly when the silence stretched a few moments too long. “What's up?”

“Okay, so, this is gonna be weird and possibly a lot,” Evan started, huffing out a breath. But there was a tenor of - excitement? - under it. “But you know how firehouses are safe drop places for babies?”

“Yes?” Tommy replied, part of him starting to put the pieces together. Especially as they'd started talking about possibly adopting or finding a surrogate in the near future.

“Well, funny thing, when Ravi went outside to make a phone call, he found a stroller with a pair of twin girls inside,” Evan explained, speaking quickly. In the background, Tommy could hear crying. It was moving closer. “They can't be older than a few weeks. There was a note with them. The mother couldn't handle them anymore and wanted to give them a better life. She didn't leave her name or name the girls. She just signed the letter Mom.”

“Okay, sure,” Tommy nodded though he knew Evan couldn't see him. Feeling like he needed to sit down for the next part, he groped behind him until he found the couch. “What exactly did you need to talk to me about?”

“Well,” Evan said, drawing the word out hesitantly.

But before he could continue, the crying suddenly got even louder. Tommy winced and held the phone away from his ear. The poor baby, he assumed, sounded angry. Also that she wanted to let the entire world know. Underneath the crying, he could hear a whuffling, sobbing noise that caught at his heart.

“Buck, for the love of God, please help,” Eddie's voice came over the phone. He sounded defeated and exhausted. “I've been walking her for twenty minutes and she hasn't stopped screaming.”

“Baby number 2 is very sad,” Chimney's voice broke in. “Not even the funny faces I use with Jee and Kevin are helping.”

“You gotta take them,” Eddie begged. “Please. You're the only one they stop crying for. Even Cap couldn't do anything and he finally had to hand her off to me. He's still on the phone trying to find placements for them.”

“Apparently, there's a lack of foster parents with space at the moment,” Chimney added, then made some silly noises that Tommy didn't even try to interpret. “See? Not even a pause in the tears!”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Evan replied. “Tommy, hang on a sec.”

There were some shuffling noises while Tommy sat and listened. He was pretty sure now exactly what Evan was going to ask. Part of him wanted to say no. No, they weren't ready for kids, they'd just started talking about them in the future. That part of him was terrified, gibbering in a corner of his mind.

Another part of his mind supplied him with memories of Evan with Jee, Evan with Christopher, the couple of calls they'd ended up on together where Evan had taken care of kids. He was a natural, warm and loving and affectionate. He would be a wonderful father. Suddenly, the image of Evan with their child in his arms filled his mind. He wanted that with an intensity that surprised him. Maybe this was a chance to have a trial run, as it were.

By the time Evan managed to start talking to him again, Tommy had made up his mind.

“You got it on speakerphone, Eddie?” Evan's voice came over the phone again, a little tinny. Eddie murmured an assent then Evan continued, “Okay, sorry about that Tommy. I've gotta be holding them or the waterworks start.”

“You sure you want me to overhear this?” Eddie cut in.

“It's fine,” Tommy said at the same time as Evan. They all chuckled. “So, Evan, you're going to ask me if they can be placed with us until they find another placement for them, right?”

“Uh,” Evan replied. Eddie chuckled again. “Yes. Yes I am. They're so tiny, Tommy, and they need somewhere safe. They like me. They have nowhere else to go.”

Before he could reply, his phone buzzed with an incoming text. Tommy switched the call to speakerphone. When he pulled up the text from Chimney, his heart stopped in his chest. Then it melted.

The text was an image. Evan was standing in the vehicle bay, Eddie at his shoulder. Eddie was holding Evan's phone up between them. But Evan. Oh. Evan was holding two little blanket-wrapped bundles. One was in a purple and white striped blanket and the other was in a green and yellow striped one. Tufts of dark brown hair poked up from the blankets. The baby in the green and yellow blanket had one pudgy fist up in the air. The baby in the purple and white blanket had her fist wrapped around one of Evan's fingers. He looked a little awkward holding them, his hands crossed over the bundles so that the one baby could hold his finger. But his face as he stared down at the two girls was so soft and tender and bright.

“Yeah,” Tommy said softly, feeling something lurch and settle into a new shape deep inside him. “We can take them.”

“Are you sure?” Evan asked just as softly. In the background, Tommy could hear Eddie murmur a fervent thank God. “Really sure?”

“Yeah,” Tommy nodded again. He took a final look at the picture then switched the phone off speakerphone. “I'm sure, baby. Take them home with you.”

It wasn't quite that simple but the decision had been made. After Bobby was informed that they were willing to take the girls in, he discussed it with the person he'd been arguing in circles with on the phone. She agreed to an emergency temporary placement. Evan was designated as the man left behind with Ravi to help. It left them a man down if a call came in but they would manage.

A few hours later, Tommy was exhaustedly happy that today was the first day of three days off work. Chimney had called Maddie after Evan had cornered him about what baby supplies they'd need. Chimney had passed him off to Maddie, they'd made a list together in a conference call with Tommy. Then, about an hour after the call ended, Tommy found himself with Maddie, Jee, and little Kevin at a baby store. Both he and Maddie were pushing a cart. Maddie had Kevin sitting in her cart while Jee walked with Tommy and held his hand.

“Uncle Tommy?” Jee asked, tugging on his hand as they passed a display with a collection of stuffed animals. “Do you think the babies want a stuffie?”

“Maybe,” Tommy said, staring at the display. “Why don't I send a picture to Uncle Buck and see if he thinks they do.”

Maddie hid a grin behind her hand as Jee jumped excitedly in place. Tommy took a picture of the display and sent it to Evan along with Jee's question. When Evan texted back Can't hurt :), Tommy smiled. Then he turned to Jee and gestured at the display.

“Why don't you pick out a stuffie for each of them?” Tommy asked. “I bet you will make great choices.”

Jee jumped again excitedly and Kevin waved his arms around. He barely missed punching Maddie on the cheek. Apparently used to the exuberance, Maddie swayed out of the way so his hand flew right past her. It took a couple minutes, and Maddie lifting Jee up so she could see the top of the display, before Jee decided on two stuffed animals. One was a green narwhal with a soft silver horn. The other was a purple dragon with a snakelike body.

“I love them,” Tommy said when Jee presented them for his inspection. “Thank you, great job.”

She dumped the stuffed animals in Tommy’s cart, hugged him, then skipped up to Maddie as Maddie started walking again. By the time they were finished, the two shopping carts were full. Tommy goggled a bit at the price for everything. But, better to have too much and not need it than to need something and not have it.

He was so distracted by the total and paying for everything that he missed the considering look Maddie shot him.

~*~*~*~

By the time Evan got home that first night, using the carseats Maddie had dropped off at the firehouse, Tommy and Madde had set up enough in the spare bedroom that the twins had somewhere to sleep. As soon as Evan texted him he was on his way, Tommy made up two bottles of formula for the babies, following the directions on the packaging. One thing he knew about babies was they ate a lot.

“I love you,” Evan muttered when he walked in the door, a baby carrier in each hand. His tired eyes were locked on the bottles Tommy was holding. “They're gonna be hungry again in about...”

There was a small snuffling sound followed by a hiccup. Then soft crying sounds came from one of the carriers. Garbled noises came from the other. The noises rapidly escalated into wails.

“Now,” Evan sighed. He set the carriers down and started unbuckling the babies. “Looks like this little one picked up the screaming from her sister. Here, can you see if she'll take a bottle from you?”

Evan carefully handed over one of the babies after Tommy set down the bottles. A distant part of Tommy's mind noted that it was the baby wrapped in the green and yellow blanket. The larger part of his mind was panicking at having a tiny life in his hands. But Evan arranged his arms so he was cradling the baby then handed him the bottle. As soon as Tommy angled the bottle towards her mouth, the baby stopped wailing and latched onto it. One hand scrabbled at the side of the bottle then wrapped over his finger.

“There you go,” Evan said, smiling at Tommy and the baby with such fondness that Tommy's heart flip flopped. “She likes you. That's good. Maybe I'll get a break from soothing them every once in a while.”

While Evan picked up the other baby and grabbed the bottle, Tommy slowly drifted over to the couch. He sat as slowly and carefully as if he held a live grenade. But the baby didn't seem to notice the motion. Instead, her eyes gazed blearily at his face before slowly closing. A flicker of motion caught Tommy's eye and he glanced sideways to see Evan sitting next to him on the couch with his own bundle. She was drinking just as thirstily from her own bottle. A silence that felt weighted and golden filled the room while the girls drank their bottles.

That night, their routine was completely different. They settled the girls into the cribs Maddie and Tommy had spent far too long puzzling out how to put together. They both seemed happy to sleep after their bottles and about ten minutes of both Evan and Tommy walking them in a circuit around the living room and the kitchen. Tommy turned the baby monitor on and grabbed the receiving end, carrying it into their bedroom. There, he found Evan flopped facedown on their bed.

“Thanks again for agreeing,” Evan mumbled as Tommy sat next to him and rubbed a hand down his spine. He waved one hand in an expansive gesture. “And I'm sorry for springing this on you. Have I told you recently how much I love you?”

“You have,” Tommy hummed, leaning down to press a kiss to the back of Evan's head. “I don't mind hearing it again. I love you, too. As for it being sudden, we'll figure it out, right? It's just until there's a foster family for them.”

“Yeah,” Evan replied after a long moment. “Yeah.”

He didn't sound all that thrilled at the idea. If he were being honest with himself, neither did Tommy. Now that they were here, sleeping in their cribs in the spare bedroom, part of Tommy didn't want to let them go. But he didn't voice that. It was too much, too quick.

They fell asleep wrapped around each other. Though both slept lightly, one ear trained on the baby monitor. They were woken twice during the night. First Evan went to feed and soothe the babies. Then it was Tommy’s turn. They weren't hungry but needed their diapers changed. After, he hummed a song that he dimly remembered his mother singing to him as a child. The babies seemed to like it too. At least, they fell back to sleep quickly.

The next morning, both Evan and Tommy worked it out with their captains to take vacation time until this situation was resolved. Bobby was understanding and wished them both well. Tommy’s captain was confused but allowed the time off. It wasn't like Tommy didn't have enough days banked.

They fell into a new routine over the next few days. It was shaky at times and both lost their tempers more than once. But still, it started feeling more and more right, having the two girls here. By the end of the third day, they were smiling more than they were arguing.

Besides, the sight of Evan holding one or both of the girls was imprinting itself on his heart every time Tommy saw it.

He didn't know that Evan was doing the same thing every time he saw Tommy holding them.

As they found their way to bed at the end of the fourth day, Evan curled into Tommy’s side and took his hand. He played with Tommy’s fingers, his eyes distant. Tommy waited, knowing that look in his husband's eyes well. Evan had something on his mind that he wanted to talk about. It might take a bit but Tommy knew Evan would talk to him about whatever it was.

“I was thinking about names,” Evan finally said. He ran his finger over the back of Tommy's index finger and across the back of his hand. “For the girls. It doesn't feel right, just calling them girl or the baby or something.”

“You want to name them?” Tommy asked.

A little thrill fluttered in his belly at the thought. Giving their girls names. Well, their girls for now. Until a placement was found. But more and more, he was finding he didn't want to let them go.

“I was thinking about it,” Evan said hesitantly, not meeting Tommy’s eyes as he continued tracing his fingers. “Part of me wants to name them right now. But part of me thinks it'll be that much harder to let them go if we name them.”

“What if we didn't?” Tommy asked, his mouth moving without conscious input.

Evan froze, his fingertip just touching the back of Tommy's hand. Then he shot up, balancing on one elbow to stare down at Tommy. There was an intense glitter in his eyes. The finger touching Tommy's hand started to shake.

“Didn't name them?” Evan asked. Though the expression he wore told Tommy he didn't believe that's what Tommy meant.

Tommy took a deep breath and sat up. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have lying down. He took Evan's hand, holding it gently between both of his. It still trembled and Tommy could see those trembles starting to overtake his whole body. Well, Tommy sympathized. His insides felt like they were dancing a jig.

But this felt right. Inevitable. Ever since he saw the picture Chimney had texted him.

“Evan, I know this was only meant to be temporary,” Tommy said. He tightened his hands over Evan's hand when it trembled harder. “But I love them. I don't want to let them go. I want to have a family, this family, with you. If you want it too.”

“If I want it too?” Evan echoed, his voice breathless. Then he laughed and shook his head. “Tommy, I've spent the last two days trying to convince myself to let them go when the time comes. Seeing you hold them... I want this, so much. All of us. Together.”

They stared at each other for a moment, the enormity of what they both wanted crashing over them. Then they surged together, wrapping their arms around each other and kissing desperately. It was release, relief, joy, and a kind of manic exaltation. They continued to kiss until they were breathless, hugging each other tight.

When they finally broke the kiss, Evan leaned his forehead against Tommy's. They breathed quietly, breaths feathering over their lips. Neither was shaking now. Instead, their hands were steady as Evan stroked down Tommy's arm to tangle their fingers together again.

“So, we're going to keep them,” Evan said, wonder filling his words. “We really should name the girls, then.”

“What did you have in mind?” Tommy asked as names started tumbling in the back of his mind.

“I kind of want to name one of them Danielle,” Evan replied after a short pause. He looked a little sheepish but also determined. “After Daniel. It... it feels... right? And I definitely don't want to name one of them after my mom.”

“Of course. Danielle it is,” Tommy squeezed Evan's hand and stole a quick kiss. Evan had shared the story about his older brother not long after they got back together again. “What about a middle name? Do you want to name her after Maddie?”

“Hmmm, no, I don't think I do,” Evan shook his head. “Don't get me wrong, I love Maddie, but I think one sibling is enough. So maybe... hmmm.”

Tommy was quiet as Evan thought, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. He was content to wait, wanting to hear the possibilities Evan would come up with. This was their second momentous decision, after deciding to keep the girls. There was no need to rush their names.

“You know, I've always liked the name Sophia,” Evan mused. His lips moved silently for a moment before he smiled. “Yeah, Danielle Sophia Buckley-Kinard. It's a mouthful but she'll grow into it.”

“I can't wait to see who she becomes,” Tommy said, pulling Evan's hand to his mouth to kiss his knuckles.

“What about you, sweetheart? Do you want to name one of our girls?” Evan asked. He smiled wide on saying our, his eyes glittering with happy tears.

“Cora Rose,” Tommy said immediately, the names rolling off his tongue. That was the only choice he could make, once he allowed himself to think about names. “Cora Rose Buckley-Kinard. For my grandmother and my mother. The last people who truly loved me for me before you.

“Tommy,” Evan murmured, his voice fond and full of love. He cupped Tommy’s cheek and pulled him in for a soft kiss. “So, we're really doing this?”

“We are,” Tommy agreed. Then he let out a disbelieving little laugh, tears glimmering in his eyes too. “We're going to be parents.”

Evan kissed him again. The kiss started sweet but soon turned hungry and desperate. Together, they laid back down and loved until sleep claimed them.

~*~*~*~

With the help of the lawyer Hen and Karen had retained in the fight to adopt Mara, Evan and Tommy worked through the legal system to formally adopt their girls. No one showed up to claim them or dispute the adoption.

A couple months later, Evan and Tommy threw a party to introduce their daughters to their extended families. Everyone gathered, cheerful and full of laughter and congratulations. Gifts piled up in the corner of living room as each new person came in.

Danielle Sophia and Cora Rose were officially Buckley-Kinards. They spent the party tucked in the crook of their father's arms, alternately sleeping and staring out at the multitude of people with curious eyes. Though they wouldn't know or understand until they were older, they were home. And they were loved.

[matan4il]

911 ep 704 first watch reactions

IDK if anyone else will talk about this, but Josh and Maddie were a great comedic start to this ep! XD Also. Interesting choice to give Josh, the currently only openly gay male character on the show, more lines again. Is it a reminder he's there, so he can be a part of Buck's journey later on? *eyes emoji* We'll see.

All of these pretty women (I should also mention that as a non-American, all the gasped, "It's Joey!" "It's you!" "It's me!" are missing me by a kilometer. Whoever Joey is, he's not Madonna yet, if you want me to get excited about him, 911, you're gonna have to give me a bit more than a single name), hitting on Buck and Eddie, and the ease with which both men turn them down... Sure, this is a part of the set up regarding Buck, and Eddie technically has an excuse, but also. Most straight, taken men would at least be tempted. They'd at least bite their lips with frustration. Have some reaction. But not Eddie. And when you remember that he was distinctly not taken in ep 204, but still had the same reaction to pretty young women hitting on him and Buck... I know this ep is all about celebrating the 'oh' moment of another guy, but that's not gonna stop me from rooting for Eddie to have similar realizations eventually (and get together with that certain other guy *cough*).

LMAO So, Buck is meeting up with the guy who's gonna be his sexual awakening, a man who's good looking, gave him a thrill already, is an impressive fighter pilot, and the first thing he can think of to say, is blurt out Eddie's name? LMAO Oh, this boy really is down bad...

Man, that bit where Tommy tells Buck he can have it both ways, he can get certified and continue to serve with the 118. Thanks for the beautiful foreshadowing, 911. Buck saying he's keeping his options fluid... Holy shit, the show really wasn't holding any punches back.

OMG, why is Harry old enough to be making Bathena waffles (and then turn out to be involved in an altercation)? I swear, he was still on baby formula just a second ago. How did 7 seasons just fly by!?

Buck getting jealous over Eddie and Tommy sparring. Considering the fact that Buck was the one getting all hot and bothered over semi-naked Eddie in the gym in 201, and ready to jump into a boxing match with him, this is making me wanna punch a wall myself. The symbolism in this ep is NOT very veiled. Add to that Eddie mentioning how he and Tommy met and just... clicked. In the same conversation that reminds us of Buddie' in 201's first meeting, where they clicked? (even though they were both too dumb to realize in what way) 911, just let me catch my breath for a second challenge! Also, Eddie is dating Tommy more intensely than he is Marisol? Okay. Duly noted. These firefighters are both so freaking hetero, I'm sure that's exactly what every casual viewer was telling themselves at this point. And poor Buck, getting his hopes up that Eddie is asking him when he's free, so they can go on a date themselves, only to be let down. Poor baby boy. But this feels like it's spelling out the answer to whether Buck's jealous over Tommy or Eddie. So, yay for Tommy helping him with his bi awakening. But it's clear who's really occupying Buck's heart and mind, and whose time he wants. FOR SIX FREAKING SEASONS NOW.

Oh, it's continuing, the show really is trying to kill me, having Buck complain to Maddie about how often Eddie has been seeing Tommy. The annoyance with how cool Tommy is, that's exactly Buck's reaction to Eddie in 201. So, if Buck and Tommy will then kiss, what does that say about what Buck didn't even realize he wanted to happen with Eddie back then, hmmm? I also love that Buck wants to be the cooler "dad's friend" in Christopher's eyes. That's his son, you can't take that away from him. And of course, Maddie was his first confidante about his feels for Eddie, she was the first one to call out his boy crush (in 204) and to hear Buck automatically think about Eddie, when he hears, "He's cute!" (in 206). It's so freaking right that she is now the witness to Buck's bi jealousy meltdown. I love her calling him out on it. "Is it circled with a heart around it?" Honestly, this is better than front row seats at the Bachelor mansion. I'm just disappointed in Chimney and his imaginary popcorn that he doesn't get to witness all of this firsthand and get what it means. Letting down all Bachelor fans out there, Chim. -_-

And then Buck's back in the gym, staring at Eddie, feathers ruffled. Am I going to make it to the end of this ep? Who cares? This is fantastic! XD He tries to catch Eddie's attention with the little weightlifting without a spotter stunt, and it's specifically him. Chim turned out to also be impressed by how cool Tommy is, but Buck is circling Eddie, like a clueless Jane Austen heroine, about to become a hit teen romance movie. Ravi falling for Buck's weightlifting attention trap is just getting in the way. Chim asking about Buck's weird basketball hugging session is nothing but a way to get to the ball game with Eddie. Okay, I'm at the point where I need to be chewing on imaginary popcorn.

Athena is one of the strongest characters on television, ever. Precisely because she's not just tough when she has to be, she has a heart, too. The scene where she told the woman she accidentally killed her own son was hard to just watch. IDK how she actually did that. I'm not sure if viewers who aren't moms get it, 'coz I didn't until I went with my sister through her pregnancy. Motherhood changes you forever. You feel your kid moving inside you. You bond with them in the most intimate way possible before they're even born. You go on a wild journey with them after, where every second counts, let alone every hour and every day, when they're hungry, when they're cold, when they struggle to sleep, when they finally do, when they take their first step, when they fail and fall... The love and protectiveness are something different to anything else in life. IDK how Athena, who gets all of this, managed to break the news to this mother, that she had unknowingly killed her own kid. I think to me, this has to be the most devastating scene in the entire history of the show. IDK if I'll be able to watch it again.

When basketball game scene starts, and Chimney knows something's up, I was already chuckling. But then Eddie sees them, and the first thing isn't expressing joy that his best friend is there, it's asking how did Chim talk him into this. "He always says no to me." They BOTH always talk about each other in romantic coded language, it's not just Buck, and in the same ep where we get bi Buck confirmed, that makes me froth at the mouth...

"So I'm your basketball beard. I feel so bonded." Not Chimney calling Buck out, while using the term for closeted gay guys using someone as a cover. I AM SCREAMING. Thank you, 911 gods!

That montage with Eddie and Tommy high fiving each other right in front of Buck's salad face, while their muscles glisten in the sun, and Top Gun-like music plays in the background, like the biggest nod to the volleyball scene from that gayest movie ever made, which we already had Buddie paraphrasing in 201. I am fine, this is fine. I love this burning kitchen I'm sitting in.

Buck causing Eddie's injury because of his jealousy (which again, is not about Tommy. He made an impression on Chim as well, who was screaming, "Buck, I'm open! I'm OPEN!") and not even getting to offer some help, because Tommy's already on it... I hope ABC is happy with their viewership dropping next week, because they've killed every Buddie shipper in the fandom.

"Well, I'm not a 14 year old girl..." Both Buck and Maddie together: "So stop acting like one." Love this scene, love these siblings, love that the reference with the two blonde Sarahs sounds platonic, but it's also from a past season on the Bachelor. 911 really wants you to know this is romantic, and Buck's going through a late sexual awakening in his 30's, instead of in his teens, even before he's able to see it.

So, the conclusion to Buck and Maddie's convo is that he needs to talk to Eddie, to make it better, yet the person he ends up talking to is Tommy, and that leads to the bi awakening kiss... It's a classic rom com switch, we hear a knock at the door, we expect it to be THE love interest, showing up at the right time, and it's someone else, making the protagonist's romantic journey so close, but about to get longer. It's further emphasized by a shot over Tommy's shoulder, in a way that he can easily be confused for Eddie, and which is reminiscent of moment when we saw Buck standing at Eddie's door, or both of them there toegther.

It was a nice talk, I loved Tommy saying he can't replace Buck, I def noticed how he went to talk about it in the context of Chris instead of Eddie (hmmm... I wonder why), but my fave part was how Buck glowed when he heard his son doesn't shut up about him. ^u^ He even took a second to look away from Tommy, to take it in with a huge grin. Then Buck and Tommy start warming up to each other, moving towards flirtation, and what comes out of Buck's mouth? "You don't have to tell me how great Eddie is." That's not how you flirt with a guy, Buck. I liked Tommy kissing him, and Buck not recoiling. Like he's always known on some level, but could never do anything about it. "That's better than fake mouth static." LOL The stuff that great romance is made of.

I'm SO happy Buck is getting this storyline of realization he's bi, I've thought it would be important and that the show has laid some groundwork for it since 107, and I don't mind that Tommy is the "romantic other" who helps him with it. I do believe this is important bi representation in and of itself, away from Buddie, and if nothing else ever comes of it, this is still beyond wonderful. In 2024, we still barely have any characters who start out presumed straight, and are allowed the freedom to figure out that maybe their sexual orientation is different than what they thought, despite the fact that in reality, human sexuality is complex and confusing and a mess. So this really matters to me, as a human being, and as a queer person. That said, I can't ignore the past 5 seasons, and the way this storyline played out, with Tommy kissing Buck, but the whole thing being emotionally centered around Buck's feelings for Eddie, it means that whether they go canon or not (and at this point, I find it hard to believe they'd make Buck canonically bi, taking this HUGE risk of homophobic backlash, and not go there with him and Eddie, but just in case they don't, I wanna say this), it'll always be Buddie for me.

Thank you for reading! If you're looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[chaoticornot]

9-1-1 chaotic rambles

s08e08 I am a little nervous, but I am every episode so I don't know how much that says.

Oh, this is fake. It's out, omg. The watch party, so fun. Brad is such a baby. Looking at Bobby for help. Eddie, what have you done? Wait Chris mention. The way they are looking at him, help.

She is a shirker. This is not gonna go well. Thank you Athena for putting her in her place. He is funny.

Here we go. They have been talking? He wants to look cool, so badly. The heartbreak in his eyes. This has been going on too long.

Who is she? Hot is the right answer. Brad is a puppy. He is not gonna behave. Medic Eddie, aah. Told you. Chim, unbelievable. Brad fuck off. Oh no. Sassy bobby. Poor team. Thank you, Bobby. Its the truth

He lives, thank god. The poor kid. He knows his stuff.

Eddie trying to be nice for that autograph. He showered because his hair is slicked back again. Slick Eddie, very slick. His uncomfy smile. How do people know his full name? That sound advice, and a bullet to the chest.

The way they understood each other without words. Not the time. The shoulder pat and the cute little wave. Why does Buck look like a cutie patootie and Eddie looks like a cool relaxed guy? This is the make Eddie think guy. Eddie, not the crowd. Never mind, this is gonna be the Brad Torrence is useful call. Bobby's side-eye. This is so cringe, the dramatic ass music, I can't. Their faces, haha, so confused. If they don't keep Oliver's curls for the second half of the season, I will be so mad. Brad no. Haha.

Oh no, I hate this already. The way you can hear the door opening while Eddie is not even close to the door is my favourite bit. Eddie's panic, oh lord, what has he cooked up now? Relapse, my god. Their outfits, love. The way Buck is just going through his kitchen and the only thing Eddie is worried about is Buck seeing his tablet because clearly Buck is not gonna like what is on there. So domestic. He knows him. The smirk, the voice, the teasing, oh my god. This was "wanna go for the title all over again", but with self-control. Fuck no, fuck no, if you do this 9-1-1 ABC, I will murder, Fuck no. Buck's face combined with the dramatic ass music, combined with Eddie's guilty little voice, I can't. 'My son' is so loud. The tension. Omg. The way you can see the gears in Buck's head-turning is incredible. Wait, they are allowed to do this, but only if Buck is like, I am going with duh. We, aaaaaah. Eddie's hair with the purple silky shirt, shut up, slut. Husband core. The way the fear bled from his face, insanity. Oliver, you incredible fucking actor, omg. The blinking with slow realisation, insane. The way you can see him realise what he is doing and then the realisation. OMG, WE ARE GETTING BUDDIE CANON, AAAAAAAAAH!!! I am going insane, declare me unstable. And now I have to wait until March, excuse me.

I knew it was the old guy. Something is weird. Just the cart, never mind. Okay, I didn't expect that. That's a lot. Oh, that is sweet.

That is Eddie, right?? His voice. Wait, they are acting in hotshots aren't they, incredible. So good. I know that hurt him, haha. Chim is so dramatic, I love him. The blue and green nurse outfits. Bobby is like here we go again. Eddie stuffing his face. Bobby's fond smile and tap on Buck's shoulder, he loves them.

I did not expect this to be a very Brad and Athena-focused episode, but I think it was a good way to end the Brad/ Hotshots arc. I don't like Eddie going to Texas. Here is my thing, Chris is allowed to be angry, but Eddie should have never allowed him to leave. Because we don't know what is happening over there, and neither does Eddie. That worries me because I absolutely see the Diaz parents lying to Chris. Besides that, it is clearly not helping Chris or Eddie. I think that if they actually go through with this arc, they are ruining Eddie's character and the growth that he has been through in the past years and also months. I just think that's sad and unnecessary. Like, he fled Texas for a reason. Beyond that, Bobby was the perfect amount of nice and strict, like go, Captain, fantastic.

[kodzuken]

congratulations again!! <3

💫 + the prompt: 2) “It reminded me of you.”

also 🍄 if that's okay 😊

there ain't language for the things i feel buck/eddie | getting together | 1 800 words

Eddie wants to make it perfectly, spectacularly clear that he isn’t one of the weird farmer’s market people. He’s normal. He’s sane. He doesn’t line up at ass-crack-of-dawn in the morning in order to get his hands on the special lavender honey, he doesn’t wander for hours touching every goddamn vegetable, he doesn’t ask poor vendors if they have any bags for their cactus fruits. Eddie brings his own bags, thank you very much.

His point is—he’s normal about the farmer’s market. He isn’t, however, very normal about Buck.

“Are you looking for something in particular?” The vendor asks. He’s a big, buff guy with two full sleeves, a neck tattoo in the shape of the Spider-man symbol, and there’s script across his chest, beneath his collarbones, spelling out Diana in sprawling black letters. Eddie is at once attracted and terrified of him. There’s a nametag pinned to his black tanktop, naming him as Carter, he/him , and Eddie thinks he definitely looks more like someone who would be named Fang or something, but he lets it slide, just for today.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Eddie says, turning back to the display in front of him. “I don’t usually stop for anything other than vegetables.”

“Ah,” Carter says. He taps the side of his nose and points at Eddie. “You’re one of those shoppers.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You think you’re too good for Whole Foods and the farmer’s market, so you come for vegetables and fruit and maybe to sample some of the sausages over at Nadine’s booth, and then you go on your way pretending the asparagus in your crisper just magically appeared there, because God forbid someone know you have reusable mesh bags and a scheduled visit to Spring Street every weekend.”

Eddie blinks at Carter. Carter blinks at Eddie.

“Was I close?” Carter asks.

“Everyone is too good for Whole Foods,” Eddie says, because somehow, it feels like he just got his palms read, or something. “Whole Foods sucks ass.”

“You got me there.” They stare at each other for another few moments, assessing, and then Carter seems to deem him fit for service because he smiles, wide and bright; he has a gold canine tooth, because of course he does. “So, are you?”

“Am I what?” Eddie says.

“Looking for anything in particular.”

“Oh,” Eddie murmurs, and he glances back down at the display. “I think I want to buy something.”

“Yes,” Carter says, “I did suspect that. But what do you want to buy?”

Eddie looks up at the sign that says Botanical Garden & Home. “A plant?”

He thinks he hears Carter mutter, “Oh boy,” beneath his breath.

“I’m not good with them,” Eddie says, waving a hand toward a chalkboard that says Monstera deliciosa , whatever the fuck that means. “I have a cactus in the backyard, but that’s kind of it.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Carter says, clapping his hands together. One of the tattoos on his sleeve is of a king cobra, and Eddie tries not to be intimidated by its beady little eyes. “Are you going to be caring for the plant alone?”

“No,” Eddie says, glancing at another chalkboard. It says Platycerium bifurcatum , and like, are they making this shit up? “My son will help, and uh, my—Buck. My best friend.”

The corner of Carter’s mouth tilts up. “Ah.”

“Ah what?”

“Nothing. Tell me about the sunlight situation.”

So, Eddie does—he tells Carter about the amount of sunlight his house gets, and the humidity, and the temperature. He ends up telling Carter about Buck, a little bit too, because Eddie is a sad, sad man who is in love with his best friend. He tells him about how Buck loves taking care of plants, and how when he comes to the farmer’s market with Eddie he’ll always by a bouquet of flowers from Cynthia a few booths down, and how him and Christopher did a seed-planting science experiment a few weeks ago, and—

Okay, maybe Eddie understands why Carter said ah .

Finally, when his mouth is dry and his heart feels a little achy, he stops talking, blinking at Carter. “So,” he says, and is only a little embarrassed by how hoarse his voice sounds, “any suggestions?”

And Carter just smiles. “I think I have the perfect thing.”

Eddie gets home and Buck is, predictably, waiting for him.

“Eds,” Buck says, nearly bending over the arm of the couch to look at him; he’s upside down, all Golden Retriever puppy and sunshine and the love of Eddie’s fucking life, probably. “How was the market?”

“Busy,” Eddie replies, setting his mesh bags full of Buck’s requested vegetables on the table. In his other hand, he holds the plant, and he feels silly, and a little stupid, but Carter said it was perfect and then gave him the most embarrassing pep talk that involved telling him the story of Diana from the chest tattoo, so Eddie is—

Eddie’s been waiting a long, long time for this. He thinks, distantly, he deserves it. Even if he is about to confess his love via succulent.

“It’s always busy,” Buck says, and he does a weird little backflip-slash-somersault to get off the couch. When he’s back on his feet, only wobbling a little bit, he walks to the table, rifling through the bags. “That’s why you should go when it opens—”

“I’m not going at nine in the morning,” Eddie says; it’s an argument they’ve had a hundred times, because you can’t just go at nine in the morning; if you go for opening, you have to be there early. There’s a line-up . Buck snorts, pulling out a persimmon and a fig, and Eddie says, “Buck.”

“Hmm?” he hums without looking up.

“Buck,” Eddie says again, and his tongue feels like it’s shriveling up in his mouth. “I bought a plant.”

Buck turns to look at him then, eyebrows pinched together before he notices the succulent in Eddie’s hand, and his face clears. He smiles, all teeth, and takes a step forward. “Dude, you have a black thumb.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, because it isn’t like he’s wrong. “It reminded me of you.”

Buck glances at the plant, then at Eddie. “It did?”

And Buck—Buck isn’t stupid. He’s probably the smartest person Eddie has ever met, and he knows Karen Wilson. But Buck is smart and he’s perceptive , and there’s no way in the world that Eddie could hand him a fucking hoya heart and have Buck miss his point entirely. There’s no way he can hold a literal heart—it’s a fucking heart , Jesus Christ he should have left Carter a bigger tip—in his hands and have Buck not understand. 

“Buck,” Eddie says again, and it feels strange in his mouth, like the more he says it the less real this all is. “I’m—”

Gently, Buck takes the hoya from his fingers, cradling delicately in the palm of his hand, and he stares down at it, blinking, blinking, blinking. He traces his index finger over the ridge of the succulent, right over the hump of the heart, and Eddie wishes he’d gotten a cactus so he could stab himself in the throat.

But then Buck looks up, and there’s something determined in his eyes, and he extends his arms out like he’s giving the hoya back. Eddie has a brief moment of panic where rejection settles over him like an uncomfortable, itchy skin, but then Buck smiles, all soft and warm and fond, and says, “I heart you.”

“You—” Eddie starts and stops, eyes flicking from the hoya to Buck and back. “What?”

“I heart you,” Buck repeats, and he takes a step forward, and then another, until the hoya is pressing against Eddie’s sternum. Eddie reaches up, cupping a hand around the plastic container, and his fingers curl around Buck’s at the same time. “Eddie,” he says, and he’s looking at him so earnestly that Eddie really wishes he’d gotten a cactus, because it’s—too much. It’s not enough. “I heart you.”

“I—” Eddie chokes on the words, doesn’t know how to get them out, so he does the next best thing.

He kisses Buck.

And Eddie—he hasn’t really let himself imagine it, to be honest, because if he thought about it even once, of the way Buck’s lips slide against his, of the way his jaw feels beneath his palm, about the way he can taste toothpaste on his tongue, Eddie never would have been able to stop. But he’s glad, somehow, that he never let himself think about it—the real thing is better than his imagination ever could have been.

Buck makes a noise in the back of his throat, a high keening noise, and he presses in further, pushing Eddie back until he hits the wall, head narrowly missing the mirror. Buck slots a leg between Eddie’s, one hand wrapping around his ribs—and Jesus, if it isn’t something to be held but Buck’s stupidly big hands—and Eddie returns the favor, sliding one hand into the short hairs at the back of Buck’s neck. Buck’s tongue is in Eddie’s mouth and his thigh is between Eddie’s legs and his fingers are dipping beneath Eddie’s waistband and—

There’s a crinkle of plastic, and Buck pulls away, nearly panting. “Our heart.”

Eddie doesn’t swoon at that, but it’s a near thing.

“Buck,” Eddie says, and he takes the hoya from Buck’s hands and twists them around so Buck’s the one against the wall. Eddie leans back to set the plant down, and Buck, second hand now free, runs it up Eddie’s chest until it’s resting on the side of his neck. He pulls Eddie back in by the belt loops once the hoya is safe, tugging him in until they’re connected from knee to hip to chest. “Buck,” Eddie says again, “Baby. I heart you, too.” And then— “No, fuck that, I love you.”

“Eds,” Buck says, a little choked.

“I love you so much, Buck, that I want to buy every fucking heart shaped succulent in LA County just to prove it to you.” Eddie brushes his thumb over the sharp, delicate bone of Buck’s cheek, presses it into the corner of his mouth until his lips part. “I want to build you a garden, sweetheart.”

“I have you,” Buck says, and fuck him, honestly, for out-romancing Eddie. “I don’t need anything else.”

“You do have me,” Eddie agrees, and he knocks his forehead against Buck’s; when Buck closes his eyes, Eddie can feel his eyelashes brushing his cheeks. “You’ve always had me, Buck.”

“And I always will.” It’s a promise—it’s nearly a vow—and Eddie’s breath hitches, a little. 

“I need to go back to the market,” he mumbles, mostly to himself. “Carter will want an update.”

Buck pulls back a fraction, just enough to look at him, eyebrow raised. “Who’s Carter?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

Any other questions Buck might have is swallowed by Eddie’s mouth on his and—yeah. 

He’s definitely giving Carter a bigger tip.

---

tags :)

@himbodiaz @hoediaz @gayeddiaz @queerpanikkar @hattalove @thatbuddie @classical-memeician @mmtions @spaceprincessem @lilythesilly @trippedandfell @goldencereza @buckbuckbuck @make-a-desert-call-it-peace @naguaraquerandom @bibuddie @hughesclues @ediediaz @drinkcrywrite @messyhairdiaz @faithtrustalotofpixiedust @swiftieeddie @transbibuck @cowboydiaz @evandiaz @buckbegns @lawyerlauren @vilanaxxa @bbuddieactually

[littlest-dark-age]

Day 3 : Sanguine addiction

you find out about eddies blood kink

tw : blood, knife mention, cut arm and hand, handjob, pet names {good boy, baby}, eddie licks yr blood, needy and whiny eddie. If I missed anything please let me know

Eddie hides his blood kink from you because he doesn't wanna creep you out, not wanting you to start to think that Hawkins might be right about him because of it. Worried, even though he knows he shouldn't be. 

He doesn't mean to let you know about it, really he doesn't. It just comes out when he decides to help you make dinner one night. Goofing around and distracting you, making you accidentally cut yourself chopping vegetables for dinner one night. His mouth instantly welcomes your bleeding finger when  you drop the blade to the counter and his eyes practically roll all the way back at the metallic taste that coats his tongue. Once he realizes what he's done, he pulls away from you and stares at you with his big eyes. Starting to stutter out a poor explanation. This certainly wasn't how he wanted to tell you, hell he didn't want to tell you at all

"I- uh, I didn't know what to do, it just looked-" is as far as he gets before you cut him off.

"It's okay. I don't mind," Paired with a soft smile, causing Eddie's anxiety to start to slowly melt away ", have you thought about it before? Seemed like you have."  

He knows you'll be able to tell if he lies and forces himself to shakily nod at your plain sounding question. The truth of the matter is that he's thought about it far too much for it to be simple curiosity. The thought of blood coating your chest and getting all over him makes him ache all the way down to his bones. His pants tighten when he sees you pick up the barely bloody knife and examine it with a glint in your eyes. 

"Want another taste, eds?" Your head tilts ever so slightly to the side as you ask the question, as if you're asking him what movie he wants to watch later. 

His brown eyes widen as he jerkily nods, not sure what you plan on doing. Mentally slapping himself for never bringing it up to you, he knew you'd never judge him even if you weren't exactly into something. Especially not with the way you treat him when he's telling you about his current campaign. 

You pull Eddie from his thoughts when he hears your wince as you drag the tip of the blade across the back of your forearm, watching the blood drip down and start to pool in the palm of your hand. Your free hand tugging down his plaid pajama pants to reveal his half hard cock, wrapping your bloody hand around it and starting to pump. As you spread the dark red liquid all over him, he leans his forehead against your shoulder with shuddered breaths. Still not able to pull his eyes away from your hand wrapped around his cock while he softly pants. 

"Oh my fuckin god. Baby it feels so good, holy shit. Never thought you just stroking me would feel like this. Wanna, hah, wanna see how you look smearing it all over your pretty chest. You make me wanna be so fuckin dirty baby." Eddie can't seem to stop taking, the little filter he had breaking the instant you picked up the knife again. His hips buck into your blood slick fist as if on instinct, chasing it every time you pull it away from his needy cock. 

You grin when you hear him start to ramble, nothing new about him whenever he's getting off. You start to pepper kisses down Eddie's neck while speeding up your strokes, the soft clicking noise filling the kitchen. Warm blood is still flowing down your arm and going onto his cock, starting to drip down to the floor in small splatters. His gentle moans rise in volume, face scrunching up although you're not able to see it. The coil in his stomach starts to twist tighter and tighter with every stroke of his cock, chest warm with need as he grips the ends of your soft shirt hard enough to turn his knuckles a ghostly white. 

"Please please please, I need it so bad. Need to cum for you. Wanna be good and cum for you so much. I'll do whatever you want, just please let me cum." He begs, desperate for the coil to finally snap and let himself coat your slick fist in his thick cum. Wanting to see the blood turn pink as you keep pumping him and mixing the two together. 

"It's alright, you can cum for me baby. Be a good boy for me." You mutter into the skin of his neck, gripping his cock tighter as you feel it throb. You pull away from his neck and watch as the pearly white liquid runs down his cock while Eddie screws his eyes shut tight. Seeing stars as his abdomen spasms with every spurt of cum that dribbles down your fingers. Stuttered gasps paired with moans being muffled by him biting down onto your shoulder. 

After a moment, when coherent thought returns back to him, Eddie peaks up at you from behind his bangs. Face shining slightly with sweat as his cheeks and ears are practically glowing red with flush. You'd make a joke about Rudolf if it were a better time. Shy eyes searching your face for any type of regret yet only finding a warm smile to greet him. 

"You back with the world of the living yet baby?" He grins at your teasing words and nods, shakily taking a step back before glancing down. 

"We're gonna have to clean that." Eddie states, while pointing down to the small puddle of cum and blood on the linoleum floor. 

[extasiswings]

...oops?  Have some more 5x7 spec.

Buck’s hands are shaking.

His throat is raw from screaming and his mind is— 

He can’t stop replaying it, over and over.  The radio bursting with static.  Turning around to pick it up.  Buck, Warden Trent, he’s—

His ears filled with white noise as he turned back around to see Eddie with a gun to his temple.  He hadn’t even noticed when the radio slipped from his fingers.  But he saw Eddie’s lips move.

Buck.

He didn’t hear his answer so much as he felt it, Eddie’s name ripped from his throat.

No, no, no, no please, no please, not again, not again, not again, please—

He couldn’t do anything.

He couldn’t stop it.  He couldn’t stop Eddie being dragged away.  He couldn’t will their places swapped.  He couldn’t— 

There was a gun.  And Eddie wasn’t bleeding, but all Buck can see is red.  He can taste it in his mouth, he can feel it on his skin.  If Eddie gets shot again— 

His hands won’t stop shaking.

“What’s happening?” He asks the SWAT agent who has been assigned to babysit him.  He wants to climb out of his skin, claw at the walls, break down the door.  He feels trapped, a caged animal pacing the length of the room, desperate to get out, to go, to do anything that would bring Eddie back to him.

“I don’t have any updates,” the woman explains for the umpteenth time.  

“Look, just—”  Buck wants to scream.  “Let me out.  Let me talk to your captain, I can help, I was—we were with the warden most of the day before this happened, I can tell him—”

“Firefighter Buckley, we’ve got everything we need,” she interrupts.  “Just sit tight.  We’ll update you when we have something to report.”

“You don’t understand,” he snaps.  Blood in his mouth and shaking hands and a gun and Christopher—Christopher is at home and he can’t—he’s can’t— “This is Eddie we’re talking about.  That’s my partner—you can’t ask me to just—” 

“Buck.”

Buck whirls around and freezes.  Taylor’s in the doorway, a strange look on her face.  He blinks once, twice— 

What—?  What is—?

“They didn’t tell me it was you,” she sighs, raking a hand through her hair.  And it’s then that his eyes drop to her neck, that he notices the lanyard with her press credentials attached.

“No,” he says before she can say anything else.  He is far beyond frayed, unraveling rapidly, and he can’t—this is not something he is capable of dealing with right now.   

“I was assigned—”

“No,” he repeats, ice cracking, cracking, cracking, he can’t breathe, he can’t think, because his heart, his life, his soul is being held hostage in the building across the street and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to survive if— 

“You were the only witness,” she says apologetically.  “Look, I won’t—you could just tell me what happened, it doesn’t even have to be on camera—I’ll keep your name out of it—”

“It’s Eddie, Taylor!”  It’s no longer just his hands, Buck feels like his whole body is shaking.  “It’s Eddie—again.  And all I could do was stand there and watch—again.  And again I might have to go home tonight and tell Christopher that I couldn’t protect his dad, but hey, Eddie picked me to replace him so if he wants a poor fucking substitute, at least he’ll have me!” 

“Buck…”  Taylor takes a few steps and reaches out to gently cup his face.  Buck flinches away.

Her hands aren’t the ones he wants right now.

“Don’t,” he chokes out.  “Please don’t, just—just go.  Just go do your job, away from me.  It’s where you want to be anyway.”

He knows it’s not fair even as he says it.  Taylor sucks in a breath like she’s been slapped, but quickly rearranges her features, her face smoothing over, back straightening.

“Fine,” she says quietly.  “I’ll go.”

Buck collapses into a chair the second the door clicks shut behind her.  

His hands are still shaking.

[favefandomimagines]

I Bought A Ring (e.b.)

Summary: Abby’s back and Buck doesn’t know how to handle the news. And neither do you. 

AN: i’m still PISSED that abby came back even if only for an episode, my poor buck was so hurt ): this was something i had deep in my drafts and now that buck is blowing up it seemed like a good time to post it!

there is a buck fic similar to this and i just wanna say that i did not copy or steal the idea. i’ve had this in my drafts for months since season 3 ended so no one stole anyone’s idea! if you wanna check out their fic their username is @lotsoflovefromlea and the fic is titled ‘Second Best’ it’s really really good

You didn’t think you’d have to face the day when Buck’s past came back to haunt him. You were hoping it would stay in the past and you would be his future. But life has a funny way of putting us to the test. 

After the train crash, and Buck saw Abby again, he had been acting distant. Distant enough for you to notice that something was wrong. It wasn’t hard to notice, especially when the two of you live together. 

He would rarely talk when you had the same shift at the 118, there was no conversation during dinner and he’d come to bed long after you had already fallen asleep. 

It had gotten to the point where you didn’t even remember the last time he kissed you or touched you. And you had enough of the maltreatment. 

You exited the shower and saw him standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. You walked down the stairs and stood across from him, the tension between the two of you painfully obvious. 

“What’s been going on with you?” You asked, breaking the ice. “What do you mean?” He asked, not meeting your gaze. “Seriously? Buck, you’ve been acting like I killed your dog for three weeks since the train crash. What the hell is going on?” You explained. 

Buck sighed before looking up at you. He knew he couldn’t keep secrets from you. Including ones that could possibly change your relationship. 

“Abby reached out to me. She wanted to meet up to talk.” He said. Buck could tell by the way your right eyebrow was raised and your eyes narrowed that you were not happy. “Really? And you went?” You asked. “Yeah.” Buck answered quietly. 

You laughed bitterly before walking around the counter back towards the stairs. “God, you just can’t seem to let her go, can you?” You started. “It’s been, what? Two years? Two years since she left you for her ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ experience and got engaged? And who was the one who never left your side? Me. It was me, Evan and even now, you can’t seem to realize how terrible she was to you. Face it, you were her midlife crisis and you fell in love with her and never fell back out. All while making me fall in love with you.” You finished. 

Sure you were a tad bit cruel, but it was what he needed to hear. No one wanting to be the one who had to pop his perfect bubble when it came to Abby. 

“I stayed with you when you were suing the department for christ sake! And I can’t do it anymore, Evan.” You added. There it was again. His dreaded first name. The name you never used unless you were beyond angry with him. And he hated hearing it come from your lips. “Y/N, what do you mean?” He asked. 

Fear was coursing through his body as he waited for you to finally leave him. After everything he put you through, Abby was the last straw. 

“I mean, maybe we should take a break. Until you figure out what it is you really want.” You answered. It wasn’t something you wanted nor did you think it would ever happen. “No. No, no, Y/N, don’t do this.” He begged, walking towards you. “I have too. Since she came back, this relationship has been one sided and I don’t deserve that.” You said. 

“Please, Y/N, I love you.” Buck told you. “Do you? Because you have a funny way of showing it.” You replied. You swiftly grabbed your keys and your purse and made a path towards the exit. “So this is it? You’re breaking up with me?” Buck asked, causing you to stop. 

“I don’t want to. But you seem to have unresolved feelings for Abby and you can’t claim to love one person wholeheartedly when you clearly don’t. Figure it out, Buck. But remember who was here when no one else was.” You answered before leaving the house. 

You didn’t know where else to go after you left. So you decided to go to Bobby and Athena’s. Bobby was like a father to you when you joined the 118 and you trusted him more than you trusted most people. 

After trying to straighten yourself up and wipe the tears from your face, you got out of the car and headed to the front door. You knocked a couple of times and waited for the door to open. 

When it did, Athena’s face softened when she saw you and instantly knew something was wrong. “Y/N? What’s wrong? What happened?” She asked, ushering you inside. “I didn’t know where else to go.” You answered. 

Bobby, wondering who was at the door, turned the corner and saw you standing in the entryway. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked. “Buck and I got into a fight. He went to meet up with Abby and he didn’t tell meand I just, I just don’t understand why he won’t let her go. Am I not enough?” You explained. 

Athena shushed you and pulled you into a hug to comfort you. She knew Buck was stubborn but not so much that you felt you had to leave. Bobby was furious. He hated seeing you so upset and he was frustrated with the young man for making you think you weren’t enough for him. 

After a few minutes, Athena made up the guest bedroom for you and said you could stay as long as you needed. But you hoped it wouldn’t have to be for long. 

__

Bobby arrived at the station in search for Buck and found him sulking while Hen and Chimney were grilling him about his mood. “What’s wrong with you today?” Chimney asked. “Him and Y/N got in a fight last night and she walked out on him.” Bobby answered for him. 

Buck looked up at his captain with wide eyes, wondering how he knew about the prior events. “She stayed at mine and Athena’s last night.” He added. Buck let out a sigh of relief, mainly because he was worried sick about you. You didn’t answer a single one of his calls or texts and he didn’t know where you went off to. 

“Why did she walk out on you?” Hen asked. “Because I may have went to meet up with Abby the other day. And apparently I had been acting distant towards Y/N and she confronted me.” Buck explained. “Seriously? You still have feelings for Abby?” Hen asked. “No, Hen-” Buck tried to explain but was interrupted by his coworkers. 

“Y/N is the perfect girl for you and you’re throwing her away for someone who left you?” She continued. “Hen,” Buck started. “You’re stupid but not this stupid.” She said. “Hen! I don’t have feelings for Abby anymore. I wanted to give her a chance to explain why she left and to thank her. Because if she wouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t have met Y/N.” Buck interrupted. 

“And I,” He started before he stopped himself, not sure if he wanted to tell everyone his secret. “You what?” Eddie asked. Buck looked up at his friends before sighing. “I bought a ring.” He answered. “Wait, what?” Chimney asked. “I bought a ring. I was going to propose but then I got all in my head after Abby showed up. I thought Y/N would say no and she’d leave me just like Abby did.” Buck explained. 

The rest of the 118 crew was silent as they looked down at Buck. Hen sat down across from him before speaking. “That girl is head over heels in love with you, Buck. She has been since the first time she met you and the last thing she would do is leave you like Abby did. Though, because of Abby, she felt she had no choice.” She said. 

“I need to get her back. I didn’t even know what to do this morning without her.” Buck said. “When does she come in for her shift?” He asked Bobby. “She was supposed to be here by now. She left before me.” The man answered. 

Before anyone could form a theory about your whereabouts, the bell went off signaling they had a call. 

They soon arrived to the scene of a car accident, one car completely flipped upside down. 

The 118 stopped short, however, when they noticed who’s car was upside down. It was yours that was hit by a guy texting and driving and ran a red light. 

“Y/N?” Buck called, running to the driver side door. “Buck, you’re too close to this.” Bobby stopped him. “We’re all too close to this, Bobby.” Buck rebutted. Bobby looked at Athena and gestured for her to keep Buck away from the scene. “Keep him away from her.” He instructed his. wife. 

Eddie began trying to get the door off and Hen and Chimney noticed you were still conscious, struggling to get out and stay awake. 

“Y/N, can you hear me?” Hen asked. “Yeah. I-I can hear you.” You stammered. “I have a piece of shrapnel between the third and fourth intercostal space. Mild to severe concussion and around three broken ribs, and a possible pulmonary contusion.” You told them. 

Both EMTs were surprised that you could still diagnose and recognize your symptoms while having a concussion and actively bleeding. 

Once the door was off the car, Hen and Chimney set down the backboard and Eddie began cutting your seatbelt. 

“Where’s Buck?” You asked him. “Bobby won’t let him help. He’s too close to this one.” Eddie answered. “Aren’t you all though?” You joked. Eddie laughed dryly as the seatbelt was cut free. “Can you move?” He asked. 

You looked down at the piece of metal from the seat and back up at him. “You have to pull it out.” You told him. “Y/N,” Eddie started. “Eddie, you have to pull it out or I won’t be able to move. I have a concussion, I’m already bleeding and in about five minutes I’m going to pass out. I will slowly bleed out from the inside if I don’t move. Pull the damn thing out.” You snapped. 

Eddie looked at you for a moment before glancing over at Buck, arguing with Athena. As Eddie pulled the piece of metal out of your side, Buck broke free of Athena’s grasp and fell to his friend’s side. 

“Y/N, baby, are you okay?” He asked frantically. “I’m going to pass out in a couple of seconds so I’m sorry, Buck. For what happened last night.” You spoke, your breathing becoming shallower. “Buck we gotta move her.” Eddie told him. 

Your eyes fell closed slowly and the heart rate monitor attached to you started beeping rapidly. “We gotta get her out now.” Hen instructed. Bobby pulled Buck back as he watched in horror while his friends began giving you CPR once they pulled you from the car.

Your heart beat thankfully went back to normal and Chimney and Hen loaded you into the back of the ambulance. 

Buck took the liberty of joining you considering he was your emergency contact, having no other family in LA.

Once the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Buck, Chimney and Hen were forced to stay at the ER bay, not being allowed to go with you. 

Buck watched as the doctors took you away and this quickly became his worst nightmare. What if you didn’t make it? What if the last conversation you had was a fight? 

Bobby’s hand rested on Buck’s shoulder as they all watched you disappear down the hallway. 

__

It had been hours. Hours of the 118 sitting in the waiting room for you to come out of surgery. Buck was a nervous wreck and no amount of consoling from Maddie or Eddie made it any better. He knew she should have told you about meeting with Abby but he was afraid of ruining everything. But not telling you made it ten times worse. 

“Evan Buckley?” A doctor called, alerting the entire crew. “Th-That’s me. I’m Evan Buckley.” Buck replied. “Y/N is going to be okay. We repaired the damage to her lung as well as the other internal damage she received from the car crash. She still had a major concussion and she’ll be out of commission for a while, but she got incredibly lucky.” The doctor explained. 

Buck let out a very visible sigh of relief, as did everyone else. “Can I see her?” Buck asked. “She’s in the ICU so only a couple of people at a time.” The doctor said. “You go, Buck. We’ll see her when she’s moved to a normal room.” Bobby told him. 

He nodded his head and followed the doctor to your room. He saw you lying in the hospital bed, multiple IVs in your hands and arms and an oxygen tube in your nose. 

Your eyes were still closed but he could tell you were awake, though hearing the doctor’s voice alerted you. 

“Y/N, someone’s here to see you.” You turned your head slightly and saw Buck standing in the doorway. “Hi.” You said quietly, your voice still hoarse from the breathing tube in surgery. 

Buck sat in the chair next to you, his eyes red and watering. “I am so sorry, Y/N,” He whispered. “I should have told you about Abby but I met with her to get closure. And to thank her because if she wouldn’t have left me, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.” He added. 

“It’s okay. I should have let you explained.” You replied. “I have something else to tell you.” Buck said. “Oh no, now what?” You joked. “I bought a ring.” He said. “Like, a ring ring?” You questioned. “Yes, a ring ring.” Buck laughed. “Where is it?” You asked.

Buck let go of your hand for a moment and fished the piece of jewelry out of his pocket.

“You have to put it on for me.” You said. Buck looked at you in disbelief as he smiled, sliding the ring on your left finger. “I’m assuming that’s a yes.” He said. “Of course it is. I’d be stupid to say no to you.” You told him with a smile.

Buck squeezed your hand gently as he looked at the ring on your finger. “I never want to come that close to losing you ever again.” He muttered. “You won’t. I don’t plan on leaving you for a long time.” You said. “Good. Because I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” Buck said. 

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on your forehead as you looked down at the ring. “You did a good job.” You commented. Buck laughed at your comment, causing a smile to grace your face. “Hen and Maddie helped.” He said. “I figured as much.” You replied. 

The rest of the evening, or whatever time of day you thought it was, Buck stayed by your side. Even when the doctors were running their tests and looking over your condition. After almost losing you, there was no way you were going to get rid of Buck even for a moment. 

[saintbobbynash]

just think of all the jealous eddie we're gonna get in s5,,,,,jealous eddie, my king, my beloved, one of the funniest versions of eddie bc he's ALSO petty as shit when he's jealous

taylor rolls up with coffee but it's not bucks correct order and eddies like "you know buck really likes [coffee order], not whatever this is" just to like. prove he knows buck more and to rub it in her face and Taylor knows EXACTLY what he's doing but bucks like "how come my gf and the man I'm in love with don't get along :(((" and then when he and taylor break up and after he gets with eddie, they both explain and he's like "oh. wait what" and eddie has to explain in front of taylor that he's known he's been in love with buck for two whole years and he was extremely jealous the entire time they were dating sjdjdkdkkf

listen LISTEN Jealous King Eddie Diaz is absolutely everything to me. EVERYTHING. I mean I love all the different kinds of Eddie. Cowboy!Eddie. DILF!Eddie. You name it. Eddie Diaz is everything to me in general. However, there's just something about Jealous Ho Eddie that's just *chef's kiss*. Because you're so right, it really is one of the funniest versions of Eddie. He literally is SO damn petty it's amazing.

I literally CANNOT wait for all of the jealousy that this king will bring in s5. Here's hoping that Treasure Hunt was just a preview of what s5 will be like for Eddie when it comes to Buck dating Taylor.

And that entire scenario? Amazing. Showstopping. *chef's kiss*. Eddie 100% would be so passive aggressive like that. Especially since Buck would more than act like he loves the coffee even if it's like the kind he hates and it aggravates Eddie to see him hide like that with his girlfriend of all people. So Eddie is both a Petty Bitch™ but also a Protective Bitch™ bc if Buck is not going to say anything and let his gf think that's his favorite coffee order then he sure will.

And Eddie definitely pull the "I know more about Buck than you" card whenever he there's like a similar moment to Treasure Hunt where Eddie tried to be included with his knowledge but they complete debunk him (aka one of the most blatant jealous!Eddie moments). He'd be like "You might bond over shared knowledge or whatever but did you know this about Buck? You didn't? Aw that's too bad." Like ngl poor Taylor bc while they're in the beginning of their relationship and getting to know each other more, Buck's BFF Eddie here is being completely relentless and always pulling a Ron Swanson on her like

Meanwhile we're having Buck worried that they're not getting along. "how come my gf and the man I'm in love with don't get along :(((" lmaooo this is absolutely perfect. He totally would be like this. oh Buck, my sweet summer child, do you hear yourself???

Okay but ngl I feel in the beginning of s5 Eddie would be more "subtle" with his petty jealousy. Like when Buck or someone mentions Taylor Eddie just tightens his jaw and sits there in silence or with small a comment or two and just makes his classic Eddie Faces™. tbh I really hope he makes his Eddie Turtle Face™ again. But then I just want to see him become and more obvious and just absolute feral with his petty jealousy to the point where everyone are like 👀👀

But no matter how it goes I just DESPERATELY need all of the jealous!Eddie in s5. Give it all to me. It just makes sense with that we saw in Treasure Hunt (and the crossover and s2 with Taylor).

Jealous King Eddie Diaz here we come.

[libraryofloveletters]

The Mistletoe Proposal

Eddie Diaz x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader, kissing, a little bit of friendly bullying with buck. 

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 1.9k

Author’s Note: Based on this request and this request!! this is basically a part 2 to The Parent Trap but it can be read as a stand alone :)

---

It was Christmas Eve and the 3 of you sat on the couch watching how the grinch stole Christmas. Emily and Christopher had spent the day hanging out and playing video games while you put up last minute decorations and did some gift wrapping. Christmas was always super small for the two of you, it usually consisted of you buying gifts for Emily and then tv in your pjs all day but since Eddie and Chris came into your lives this year, you decided it was time to go all out. 

“What do you two want for dinner?” leaning back into the couch as you paused the movie. 

“Pizza” 

“Burgers” 

“How about both ?” 

A loud yes and the two of them getting off the couch to go get their shoes. Your phone buzzed as you tumbled through your bag for your car keys. Pulling it out of your pocket, Eddie’s name popped up on the screen. 

From Eddie: What are you guys up to ? 

To Eddie: Going out for pizza and burgers 

From Eddie: Did you starve them today ? Why both ? 

To Eddie: Haha very funny Diaz, they’re growing children

From Eddie: Swing by the station ? I miss you guys 

To Eddie: We’ll see, I'll message you if we’re coming by 

From Eddie: Bobby’s making dinner but sounds good 

“Kiddos! Can we take a rain check on burgers and pizza ? Eddie just texted and Bobby’s making dinner at the station. Maybe we should stop by ?” 

The two kids nodded, “can we take the cheesecake too ?” Emily asked you, her and Christopher were sitting on the bench by the front door. You headed back to the fridge to grab the cake before heading out. 

-- 

The drive wasn't very long, it was only 15 minutes from your place to the station. Helping the kids out, they went into the station a few seconds before you, you had to get the cheesecake from the car. When you got in, Buck was being smothered with hugs from the kids. “Hey pretty boy” you smiled at him, the nickname making him laugh, he pulled you in for a hug. “Hey yourself, I haven’t seen you in forever” 

“You saw me last week Buck” 

“Yeah but that’s too long, who’s supposed to make me dinner if Bobby doesn't cook ? Plus Eddie won’t share whatever you pack for him” he pouted at you, his arm over your shoulder. 

“Oh you poor baby, I'll make sure you make double next time. One for him and one for you” you chuckled, Buck smiled. Chim and Hen had already come down and helped the kids up the stairs and to the game machine. “This place is so cool!” Emily said to Christopher, Christoper smiled at her, “I know!” 

“Hey, I thought you said you'd text if you were coming ?” Eddie walked over, giving you a hug. “Surprise ?” hugging him back and chuckling, he kissed your cheek. “Did they say hi to you ?” the two of you looked over at the kids who were very into the game they were currently playing. “No,” he laughed, “they ran off. I’m gonna go say hi, make yourself comfortable” Eddie’s hand squeezed your waist softly before letting go. 

Turning to the kitchen, you were greeted by Bobby who was stirring something in a pot. “Is that cheesecake ?” he looks over at the box in your hand, you nodded. “A little something for you guys. Chris and Em helped me make it,” you glanced over at the kids before whispering, “if there’s any eggshells, just bypass that ?” Bobby nodded with a smile. “I’m sure it’s great.” 

“What can I help with ?” you washed your hands and took a look around. 

“You’re a guest don’t worry about that” he told you, you shook your head, “Oh please, let me help. It's a lot” 

“Fine, but only because you insist. The carrots and celery need to be chopped and someone needs to let the table” he said, his attention still on the pot in front of him. 

“I got the veggies. Eddie! Buck!” the two men found their way over to you in a matter of seconds. “Set the table please ?” smiling sweetly at them, Buck glanced over at Eddie. 

“Question Buck?” you glare at him,

He shakes his head, “Oh no, I’m fine”

“Why are you two still standing here ? Go set the table” you nod towards the table, the two men walk away. You can still hear them bickering as they set the table. 

“Is she always that bossy ?” Buck asks him, Eddie nods. “It’s hot though” Eddie replies and Buck agrees with him earning a smack to the arm. “Dude! c’mon that’s my girlfriend” Eddie groans making Buck laugh, “if only I had gone to pick up Chris that day” he jokes, Eddie walks away leaving Buck at the table. 

“You should come around more often. They stopped listening to me months ago” Bobby tells you, “they’re a handful. I don't know how you do it” you laugh, taking over at the stove. 

--

After dinner, Eddie disappears with Chris and Emily for a few minutes only to come back with a suspicious look on all 3 of them. “What's up with you ?” taking a seat on the arm rest of the chair Eddie was sitting in, his arm comes up and wraps around your waist. “Nothing, just a little conversation” he smiles at you, your arm around his shoulder now. 

“You’re losing!” your daughter giggles, Chim groans, “I'm not losing to children!” “You’re losing!” Chris laughs this time. You glance down at Eddie who has a smile on his face. 

Your heart felt like it grew 10 times its size when you saw Eddie’s reaction to them. 

“C’mon!” Buck shouts from the other end of the kitchen, he’s holding a mistletoe above Bobby and Athena. 

Bobby smiles at Athena before kissing her. “Okay Mr. Buckley, get out of here now” Athena pushes him away, Buck gives her a grin and walks away. 

He then finds his way over to Hen and Karen who are sitting at the table together. “What are you doing ?” Hen gives him a look, already tired of him. “Just spreading the holiday love. Come on, give your wife some lovin’” Buck and Karen laughed, Hen shook her head. “Say that again and I'll push you over the balcony” she gave Karen a kiss. Buck seems satisfied with his result, leaving them alone. 

“Hey love birds” Buck smiled making his way over to you and Eddie. “Don’t start” Eddie warned him. “Fine,” Buck walked around the couch to where you sat and held up the mistletoe. “I’ll just give her a kiss myself” Buck leaned down and kissed your cheek. You smiled at him, “you’re a sweetheart Buck, but I think I rather kiss Eddie” you patted his chest and turned to Eddie. Buck gasped, his hand dramatically hitting his chest, “I’m hurt! how could you?!” he pouted, “you’ll find the right one Buck, don't worry” Eddie said, pulling you down onto his lap. His hand cupping your cheek, you leaned in. Eddie’s lips touched yours, every time felt like the first time, you never got tired of kissing him. Eddie pulled away when a chorus of “gross” and “ew” started, you both looked over to see Buck and Chim encouraging the kids. 

Burying your face in the crook of Eddie’s neck, you could feel the heat on your cheeks. “Are you blushing ?” Eddie whispered, kissing your head.

“No, you are” you mumbled, he chuckled, feeling the vibration each time he laughed.  

“Let’s goooo!” Buck picked up Chris and ran down the stairs. “Okay little lady, your turn!” Chim picked up Emily and followed Buck down the stairs. “Where are you guys going !?” you shouted from the chair, “To show them the trucks!” Buck shouts back. You didn't think anything of it, you were glad you ended up coming to see Eddie at work. 

“You know,” you fiddled with the collar of his shirt, Eddie’s arm was around your waist, your legs swung over the other end of the chair. Eddie hums waiting for you to continue, “you look kinda hot in your uniform. I never get to see you in it” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah” 

“Maybe I'll have to wear it more often then” Eddie smiles at you as you get up. He grabs your hand, “where are you going?” he pouts. “C’mon, you’re gonna start pouting now ?” you gave him a look, he kept pouting. You leaned down and gave him a kiss, “would you look at that, the pout’s gone” 

“Let’s go find the kids” Eddie holds your hand, letting you walk down as he follows behind you. As you get down the stairs, you stop in the middle of the station. The kids are up on the trucks. On one truck stood Buck and Chris holding on the end of a rather large banner. On the other truck stood Chim and Emily holding the other side of the banner. Everyone else stood by the truck, watching you as you read the banner. 

“Will you marry me?” 

You turned around to see Eddie, who was down on one knee now. Letting out a gasp, he opened the little velvet box to reveal the ring. “Y/n, I know we’ve only been together for a year but you make me happier than I could ever imagine. You’ve been so amazing with Chris and he loves you so much, as do I and I love Emily so much too,” he glances at the kids and gives them a smile. “Would you do me the honour of being my wife and marry me ?” he let out a breath, looking up at you. 

“Yes! oh my god Eddie, yes” you leaned down, your hands holding his face. He smiled at you as he got up. You admired the ring as he slid the ring onto your finger, “you have excellent taste Mr. Diaz” you hold out your hand, admiring the ring again. “I had some help from Chris and Emily” his arm wraps around your shoulder. 

Everyone comes over to congratulate the two of you, the kids come over to you two. “How could you two keep this from me?” you ask the kids, they smile at you. “He made us promise” Chris said, Emily nodded. “Do you like the ring mommy ?” 

“I love it and I love you both so much” you give the two of them a hug. They run off with Chim to go play some game. Everyone clears out, going off to do their own thing. You and Eddie are still wrapped up in each other, most definitely in the honeymoon phase again. You look up at the kids with Chim when you spot the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. 

“Hey” you poke Eddie’s cheek, “what?” his brows furrow, his eyes follow your finger to the ceiling. 

“That had to be-” he started, 

“Shut up and kiss me already Diaz” He laughed as he pulled you in for a kiss. 

---

Taglist: @ssa-volturi​ @advicefromnixxxx​ @keenmarvellover​ @takashishiroqane​ (only cause you loved the first one :) ) 

[because-i-am-barely-even-human]

So, Ana heard about annual Diaz family gathering and pushes Eddie to let her go with him. She brings it up so many times, so to shut her up he reluctantly took Ana there. He wasn’t sure it was time to meet family since they have been dating only a few months. It wasn’t serious. And he already was having doubts about their whole relationship because of her behavior: calling him “Edmundo” despite him asking her multiple times to stop doing that, trying to interfere with his (and Buck’s) parenting of Chris, constantly complaining about him spending time with his “coworkers” when he should be hanging out with her. Not to mention that she and Buck are not getting along at all, and Buck refuses to hear about her ever since the uber incident™. Christopher’s not a fan too.

Eddie tries to invite Buck with him for moral support and because he’s Buck. Then promptly finds out that he is already invited by Pepa, Abuela, Christopher and… his parents? Turns out, Ramon and Helena have been keeping in contact with Buck since the Texas wildfires, because how could they not? He’s such a sweetheart and apparently charms every Diaz he meets (what else is new😏).

Helena hears Ana complaining about Buck being here, about how many people are there and “I won’t even see the half of them again, why bother remembering their names? “. And in the first few minutes of the introduction she just knows: she won’t like this arrogant brat. You won’t be dating my boy for long, not on my watch.

Helena strongly dislikes Ana and is not hiding it at all. Ana tries to bond with Helena because she’s Eddie’s mother and her future mother-in-law (ha, in your dreams, lady😂), but Helena is having none of it and outright goes past her and straight to Buck. She wants to catch up with him.

Meanwhile, Eddie have a talk with his dad. He’s thinking he’s doing the right thing by dating a woman, a Latina woman (you poor repressed bi-boi). Ramon is not impressed:

“Mijo, what gave you the impression that we want you to have only Mexican partner? Are you aware that your mother is Swedish, not Latina? All that matters is that they are a good person and you’re happy with them.”

Eddie doesn’t miss the fact that his father keeps saying “they”, not “she”. He points it out. Ramon confesses that they suspected that Eddie is, in fact, not straight since before he was in high school. But because it was Texas they understood why he never came out. Eddie is shooketh.

Back to Buck. Ana tries to eavesdrop on Helena’s conversation, but alas, no such luck: Buck talks with Helena in fluent Swedish.

Eddie saw Ana eavesdropping on his mom and Buck, and got angry, he went to tell her off, but when he nears he sees that she looks constipated and like she has no fucking clue what are they talking about. Then with a jolt Eddie realizes they are speaking Swedish. He knew that Buck speaks Spanish (he lived in South America after all) but Swedish?

Helena and Buck are ✨talking shit✨about Ana right in front of her (you think we didn’t see you?), because they can and no one can call them out on it, except Ramon and Eddie, but those two are too busy swooning over listening how the loves of their lives speaking Swedish (those Diaz men, you sure know how to pick 'em 😄).

Bonus:

Christopher understands a little bit of Swedish (he lived first few years of his life with his grandparents after all, it was bound to happen) and having a blast over what his Abuela and his Buck are saying.

If someone's interested in writing this, please tag me when you're done.

[starkeristheendgame]

Inspired by 9-1-1 (on Fox), which is my current obsession. I highly recommend checking it out and it’s spin-off series 9-1-1: Lonestar. If you already like 9-1-1 and Buddie (Buck and Eddie) then you should check out my new main account @therogueheart. Liberty has been taken with protocols and practices here, but the land of fiction knows no rules.

Firefighter!Tony x Civilian!Peter.

TW: Age difference | Under-negotiated sexual content | Unrealistic practises

“NYFD! We’re evacuating the block!”

“NYFD, are any residents present?”

Peter jerked awake to loud yelling and incessant pounding on his door, flailing blearily in bed for a moment before he fell off the side of in a heap of limbs and bedding, scrambling to get upright.

He shrugged on a hoodie and tripped into a pair of combat boots, stumbling his way sleepily to the door. He was operating on barely five hours of sleep and felt every hour he was sorely missing - though his midterms were a good enough reason to burn the midnight oil.

He wrenched the door open just as a firefighter on the other side went to swing the breach ram into it, letting out a squeak of panic as it stopped mere inches from his belly. The man wielding it was huge; with short blond hair and shoulders that could fit a person comfortably on either side. 

“That was close, I could’ve ruptured your entire torsal cavity and killed you!” the firefighter boomed cheerfully, straightening up with a broad, dazzling smile. Peter let out a faint noise and did his best not to pass out, sagging against the doorframe and gripping it. 

He was wide fucking awake now, that was for sure.

“My name is Thor, I’m with the NYPD, Manhattan division. We’re evacuating the block, there’s been a gas leak on the lower and mid levels and there’s risk of combustion,” the man ordered, slinging the ram over his shoulder and gesturing to the hallway. Peter could hear other voices, all similar conversations amidst the yells of NYPD, open up!

“Uh,” was all Peter got out before he was being ushered out of his doorway. Firefighter Thor nudged him several steps forwards before Peter’s brain finally came online and he jerked to a stop.

“Wait! I need my Adderall and my phone! If I don’t call Aunt May she’s gonna kill me and if I don’t take my meds I’m gonna be screwed!”

Thor looked undecided, brows pinching. “You shouldn’t-”

“It’s okay, Thor. Move onto the North quadrant; I’ll stay with this one,” came a voice from behind them and Peter turned, shrinking in on himself a little. 

Illuminated in the crappy hallway lighting was a man who looked like he’d stepped straight off a movie billboard. He wasn’t as tall or the same brand of clean-cut Hollywood handsome that Thor was, but he was just as attractive. More so, if Peter was going to acknowledge his tendency to lust after men twice or even thrice his age. 

The man had black hair swept into a neat side-leaning quiff, a hint of salt and pepper at his temples. His facial hair had been styled in a way that ought to look ridiculous but only served to give him a unique, sharp look, accentuating the shape of his jaw. 

The man winked at him and Peter realised he’d been staring. When he glanced to the side Thor had already moved off out of sight and the firefighter left behind gestured to Peter’s door, which was thankfully still open ajar from where he’d been rushed out.

“Uh, thanks. Thank you...Sir? Officer?” he cringed at his own awkwardness, shuffling past. The man looked amused, quirking a brow and pursing his lips a little, even as something indescribable flashed in his eyes. 

“Sir works just fine, if that’s your thing. But for the record - I’m Captain Stark. Pretty boys get to call me Tony, though,” the man winked again, teasing seeping into his voice as Peter flushed and beelined for his bed, grabbing his phone from it’s charger and scooping up his bill box and keys. 

He lamented not being able to grab anything else, but he knew better than to put himself (and someone else) at risk by lingering. Tony ushered him out of the door with a hand on the small of his back, guiding him towards the stairwell. Peter could hear noises and voices on the lower levels but realised with surprise that they were the only two left on the topmost floor.

“You were dead to the world, kid. Thor was banging on your door like crazy. We almost gave you up for not in,” Tony voiced, seemingly understanding his realisation. Peter flushed again and mumbled something about studying, hurrying down the stairs as quickly as he could, Tony a close and solid presence at his back.

It wasn’t until the cool, outside air hit his legs that he realised he was still only wearing a thin hoodie and the shorts he’d gone to sleep in. He shivered in dismay, wrapping his arms around himself. He wasn’t the only one who’d clearly been dragged out of bed - there were people milling around in robes and pyjama sets. 

One poor man was even shivering in a ratty blanket, suds dripping from his hair and into his eyes. 

“What happened?” he asked, doing his best to stop his teeth from chattering. 

“Residents on the lower levels reported strong smells of sulphur and gas. We think it’s a line rupture or faulty heater somewhere. Full evac is protocol until we know for sure and can get started on a fix,” the fire Captain answered, steering him a little away from the main crowd and to one of the trucks. 

“Take a seat, kid,” Tony offered, gesturing to the step-up of the truck. Peter did, flinching as his bare skin met the icy metal. The man left him there, turning away to resume his role as he barked orders and disappeared off into the fray. Peter busied himself with his phone, only looking up when Tony’s voice boomed out over the crowd sometime later. 

“Alright, everybody listen up!” the man yelled, clapping his hands. “We’ve located the source of the gas and the good news is that it’s a relatively easy fix. The bad news is that it’ll take a minimum of four hours. In the name of safety, none of you can return to the building until it’s deemed safe to do so. Your landlord and building technicians will get in contact as soon as they’ve been given the okay for you to return home. In the meantime, I suggest you go visit friends, family, or find a nice coffee shop while you wait!”

An immediate chorus of groans, complaints and angry remarks bubbled up, the firefighters all doing their best to marshal the situation and contain the displeasure. Peter shuffled where he sat, chewing his lower lip in frustration. 

Aunt May was half a city away and on shift; Ned was visiting his Grandma and MJ’s girlfriend had stayed the night, meaning if Peter valued his eyes he couldn’t show up at her door. 

Which meant he was probably going to spend the next four hours shivering at a Starbucks and studying on his phone. 

Great. 

“You good, kid?” the voice was joined by a pair of turnout clad legs and Peter looked up, tossing his phone between his hands. Out in the natural light Captain Stark was even more handsome, a strange mix between rugged and polished. 

“Um, yeah. Just...Trying to decide which coffee shop I’m gonna move into,” he sighed, offering a weak smile. The Captain looked thoughtful. 

“Little thing like you, Mom and Dad weren’t just out getting milk?” his tone was teasing but curious. Peter shook his head. 

“Uh, no. I don’t...I did live with my Aunt. But I graduated highschool early and got a scholarship for the Manhattan Institute of Advanced Sciences. That shitty little studio is all mine,” he rattled the keys in his pocket and shifted. His butt had warmed the step some, but it still wasn’t exactly comfortable. 

As if sensing his discomfort the man shifted, peeling himself out of the huge, heavy turnout jacket. “Here, sit up a little,” the man coaxed, crouching down. Peter found himself enveloped in the jacket as Captain Stark wrapped it around him and tucked it under his ass and thighs, pulling it shut so it cocooned him in the heat. 

It smelt of soap and aftershave and maybe a little bit of sweat, and Peter found himself relaxing immediately, giving a hum of pleased satisfaction. 

Tony was smiling at him when he opened his eyes again and he flushed, saved from embarrassment by a tall, lithe man approaching. 

“Cap, we got ‘em all squared. Company is on the way for the fix. The one-five-nine offered to stay and play babysitter. We’re clear to move out.” The man had a purple band-aid on his right brow and did a double-take when he looked down at Peter. “We get a new recruit, Cap?”

Captain Stark looked thoughtfully between Peter and the man, fingers curling around his waistband.

“Alright. Barton, round up the others, call to move out. Have the one-five-nine use radio line six if they need us. We’re bringing back a station puppy.”

‘Barton’ glanced at Peter again, eyes raking over him before he did something between a smile and a smirk. “Copy that,” he confirmed, spinning on his heel and jogging off. 

“Huh?” was all Peter could think to say. 

“You’ve got nowhere better to go and you’ll freeze without getting changed. I’ve got some spare clothes at the station and you can hole up on the couch until we get the go-ahead to send you home. Rogers can cook, so let’s see if we can’t put a good breakfast in that belly,” Tony responded, nudging him up and out of the way so he could open the truck door. 

And that was how Peter found himself wedged into the truck with Clint Barton, Thor Odinson and Steve Rogers. They crammed a spare headset on him and grilled him on student life as they drove, Captain Stark chiming in from the front of the truck. 

The station they pulled into was huge, newly renovated and vast. Firefighter Thor set two hands on his hips, lifting him out of the truck easily and setting him down on the floor, ruffling his hair before dogpiling onto Steve, both of them stumbling and grappling away, arguing in snippets about door breaches. 

A little dazed, he startled when a hand fell to his back again and turned, flushing when Captain Stark smirked at him and nudged him towards the locker room. The others were already there, stripping out of their turnouts and talking animatedly. 

Peter was divested of the jacket but was given a thicker, warmer hoodie emblazoned with ‘NYPD’ and ‘Stark’, the older man rooting around in a locker for a moment before producing a pair of sweats. 

They were baggy but he double-tied them and rolled up the ankles and found them more than comfortable, shyly thanking the man. Tony was watching him, eyes dark again with that hidden thought, before he seemingly shook himself out of it and herded Peter towards a set of steps. 

Upstairs was a kitchen space and a small common area with two couches and a TV. Barton immediately handed him a steaming mug of herbal tea and Captain Stark ushered him to the table and after several minutes of sitting in their midst and listening to firefighting stories, Steve placed a plate of toast, beans, bacon and eggs under his nose. 

“Eat it before Barton mauls you for it,” Steve advised with a grin, sinking into the seat opposite him and stretching out, one arm slung around the back of Thor’s chair. Peter took the warning and dug in, shamelessly moaning at the taste. The eggs had been seasoned and there was something in the butter on the toast that made it rich and almost a little salty. 

“Better than sex, huh kid?” Tony teased from his side and Clint gasped, throwing his hands over Peter’s ears. 

“He doesn’t know what that is yet!”

After breakfast he was bundled onto the couch, handed a mug of tea to keep his hands warm and the remote to the TV as the others stomped down the staircase, citing organising their gear.

The alarm blared out as he was watching a nature documentary and he leaned over the balcony rail just in time to watch them leaping into the truck, flushing as the Captain shot him a wink before shutting the truck door, it’s sirens wailing and lights flashing as it pulled out of the bay.

They weren’t gone that long, but when the truck pulled back into the bay it was covered in dust and dirt. 

He padded down the staircase, pulling on the sleeves of his hoodie as he watched them all descend from the vehicle. They looked a little dusty and grimy, but otherwise unharmed. 

“Winch rescue up on the hiking trails,” Clint informed him as he jogged past, beelining for a room just past the lockers. “I’ve got dust in places it doesn't belong!”

The worst of them all was Steve, who’d apparently tripped over the winch line and gone tumbling down the hillside. He was largely unhurt, but he was also the last one out of the showers thanks to needing some extra scrubbing. 

“C’mon, kid. Time to earn your keep,” Tony teased once they were clean and dressed in LAFD shorts and shirts. They were filling buckets and bringing out plastic boxes full of soaps and polish, and he almost whimpered when he realised they were going to clean the truck. 

He was practically living a piece of fanfiction. 

Or torture. Either one was applicable. 

It took exactly ten minutes for someone to lose their shirt. Peter didn’t know if it was fortunate or unfortunate that it was Steve, who flexed his pecs with a wink when he caught Peter staring. As if not to be outdone, Thor immediately tugged his shirt over his head, baring an even bigger, beefier torso that fed the red flames burning up Peter’s cheeks. 

“Alright, show offs. Stop preening and get cleaning,” Tony barked at them good-naturedly, rolling his eyes as he handed Peter a sponge and flicked suds at the two taller blonds, who pulled faces but dove into the work with vigor. 

In an attempt to cool down his embarrassment he turned his attention to the truck, scrubbing gently in broad circles to match what the others were doing. He’d never realised just how big firetrucks were and he wondered idly how often they had to do this.

“Hey, shortstack, you wanna be on top?”

“Excuse me?” Peter squeaked, rounding on Captain Stark, who smirked at him and gestured to the roof of the truck and the little side ladder.

“On the roof. Tends to get gritty up there,” the man drawled, eyeing him in thinly veiled amusement. It had to be on purpose, Peter realised. Especially when he moved to the side ladder and a set of rough hands wrapped around his hips, boosting him up several rungs.

He settled down to scrub, listening to the soundtrack of the station and the men below, peering over the edge now and then to watch them or to join in the conversation. It was dizzying - having them all grinning up at him, sunny and sparkling and half-naked.

Mercifully, there wasn’t too much more teasing as they scrubbed and buffed and wiped. He wasn’t sure his cheeks could take getting any hotter - but then, where safer to combust but in the middle of a firehouse?

Captain Stark helped him down from the roof again with the same hold around his hips, thumbs rubbing brief circles along the ridges of the bones before the man stepped aside with a quirked smile.

“Hungry, kid?”

“If I don’t get fed soon I might start chewing off my own foot,” he harrumphed with a grin, ducking his head when Clint barked a laugh and ruffled his hair.

“Kid after my own stomach,” the man drawled, taking the steps three at a time in a way that Peter and his short legs watched enviously. 

Lunch was buffet bits like potato chips and little sponge-cake fingers and fruit, which Peter didn’t mind at all. He threw grapes into Clint’s mouth and arm-wrestled Steve and deliberately paid no attention at all to where Captain Stark’s leg pressed against his own under the table.

In the grand five hour total that he was there they got called out twice more, once for a tree rescue (a man who’d tried to save money by cutting his own yard tree, not a cat, much to Peter’s disappointment) and a small kitchen fire that left them bitching for a full hour afterwards about how people needed to stop trying to be Gordon Ramsey when they could barely cook packet ramen.

And then, just when the others were beginning to get shift about nearing their time to come off rotation, Peter’s phone rang. 

It was his landlord, sounding gruff and disinterested as he informed Peter the apartment had been deemed safe to re-enter, although all aparts were going to be required to keep their gas appliances off for the night and their windows open.

The others had stopped milling around in the locker room and listened in with thinly concealed interest, offering nods and smiles when it was revealed Peter was safe to hit home.

“Just on time, huh?” Steve beamed at him, ruffling his hair. 

“Aw, man. Do we have to give him back?” Clint whined in protest, swooping down to wrap himself around Peter like a clingy mink shrug. Peter giggled, tucking himself into the hold and putting on a pretend pout.

Truthfully; he didn’t want to leave. At first he’d been apprehensive about being stuck in a building with a bunch of strange men, but over the course of the day he’d come to cherish their family dynamic and the easy, comfortable companionship.

“You knew he was on loan, you layabouts,” Tony chastised them fondly, rolling his eyes. When his crew had been bullied into resuming their prep to leave, Captain Stark sank onto the bench next to Peter.

“You want a ride back, kid? I live past that area anyway and it’s my fault you’re so far out from home,” he noted with a warm smile, tugging on a boot and stooping to lace it.

Peter bit at his lower lip. Technically; he should say no. He didn’t actually know this man, and being a firefighter meant nothing for how trustworthy he was.

But…

“You don’t mind?” he asked lightly.

“It would be Captain’s honor,” Thor assured him with a wink. And that was that, the others finished dressed and they moved out to the parking lot as a herd, Peter trailing awkwardly along behind Tony towards a sleek, red and gold Audi.

He was hugged and ruffled and treated to a sizable farewell from the others, each of them pointedly telling him not to be a stranger as they piled into their vehicles and drove off in a cloud of muted music and squealing tyres.

When he turned around Tony had slipped over to the car and stood with the passenger door open, stooped into a half bow.

The interior was crisp and clean and smelt like fresh linen when he sank into the seat, tucking his legs in carefully. Tony slid into the driver’s side like he lived to be behind the wheel of a flashy car, slipping on a dark pair of shades and letting his window slide down.

Tony switched radio on to a smooth rock station and Peter let himself relax in the seat, phone still clutched carefully in hand just in case, but thoroughly enjoying the rumble of the car and the way Tony looked behind the wheel.

They didn’t speak much on the way but Peter snuck several glances at the other man, shivering through a bolt of unsteady heat each time Tony caught the motion and tipped his head, smirking at him from behind those shaded lenses.

The apartment building loomed up on them far too soon, signalling the end of a day Peter was confident he’d keep in his memories right up until his last breath.

(And if it tempted him to maybe one day set fire to his kitchen a little bit, well.)

Tony pulled the car to a stop in the parking lot, leaning casually back in his seat. 

“Maybe you should, um, check my apartment?”

It took Peter a moment to realise he was the one who’d spoken, mortified as Tony pushed down his shades to peer at him over the rims with an arched brow.

“To, uh, um…” Peter squirmed on his seat, doing his best not to think about how it was the other man’s clothes he was wearing. “Make sure it’s safe. I mean, I’ve built up a little trust. With you. Who knows if the other guys missed something?”

And what he wouldn’t give for a sinkhole to just swallow him up right then.

But to his surprise Captain Stark just peered at him for another moment, then smiled. “Sure thing, kid. The other’s’d never forgive me anyway if I let you die off in the night.”

With cheeks hot enough to sear a steak, Peter slipped out of the car and practically ran for the building, hyper aware of Tony’s presence beside him as they ascended the steps. God, he was so fucking stupid. Tony was probably going to poke around the apartment a little, open the window then skip on back home and tell his wife all about the strange kid he’d had to babysit all day.

His hands were shaking as he unlocked his door but if the man noticed he said nothing, stepping in behind him and pushing the door gently shut. Peter toed off his boots by the door and turned, watching the man roam the apartment, sniffing here and there and opening the window in the kitchenette.

“Hey, come here,” Tony’s voice called when he was plugging his phone in. Jamming the cord into the device, he bounced out of the room and slid to a halt next to Tony, who held a hand out to steady him. “Do you feel that?”

“What?” Peter asked in confusion, head tilting. 

“Sexual tension,” Tony grinned at him, winking terribly. 

“Wha-- Oh,” Peter rocked back on his heels, cheeks blazing. 

“You’re not subtle, kid. I got ribbed the whole day out over it,” Tony teased him, reaching out to ever so gently tuck one of Peter’s mahogany curls behind his ear.

“Sorry?” Peter tried, fingers curling around the cuffs of his - Tony’s - hoodie.

“I know a way you can make it up to me,” the only man purred, leaning in a little closer. And then all at once he softened, head tilting a little. “Only, of course, if you want to.”

“Aren’t you… Married?” Peter asked hesitantly, even as his heart kicked up a notch and heat gave a lazy spark between his lips. Tony’s brows shot towards his hairline.

“Not since I last checked, no,” Tony answered, sounding terribly amused. “Where did you get that thought?”

And oh, no. The last thing Peter was going to do was tell Tony he thought the man was so attractive it was feasibly impossible for him to not be taken. His ego would get so big he’d float off to space and then where would Peter be?

Instead of answering he shifted, bracing his hands on Tony’s chest and rising onto his tiptoes so he could press a chaste kiss to Tony’s mouth, the man’s stubble tickling the corner of his mouth before he pulled away, shrinking in on himself and rubbing at his lower lip.

Tony blinked down at him for a moment. Then he shifted, leaning down to wrap his hands around Peter’s thigh and hip, lifting him up with a flex of work-honed muscles. Peter clutched at his shoulders, legs automatically wrapping around Tony’s waist.

It was a new kind of novelty; to feel thick, corded muscle beneath his palms, to feel the cut of it between his thighs, to feel the scrape of stubble over his jaw and his mouth. All of Peter’s other partners had been close to his own age and relatively close in terms of build and body.

A few strides had Peter’s back pressed against the wall where he let his head fall back with a thump, mouth falling open on a whine.

“Look at you having your five minutes of bravery,” Tony teased him, shifting one leg so his thigh helped to hold Peter’s weight, fingers flexing against his skin. “What happened to the quiet little kid who burnt up anytime he looked my way?”

Peter had nothing to say, shivering through a hiccupped sound when something thick and hard rode the crease of his thigh and hip, hot between the layers of fabric that separated them. Instead of answering he pawed at the man’s shirt, desperately wanting to see the carved flesh beneath it.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll give you what you want,” Tony soothed him, adjusting them both before he helped to tug on the fabric, muscles shifting and bunching as he worked it over his head and threw it off somewhere to the side.

“Oh,” Peter choked, setting his palms down on the plane of Tony’s stomach. He was beautiful; tanned skin marred with a smattering of scars that stood out pink and pale. He knew better than to focus on them but he couldn’t help running his thumb over a half-moon scar at the bottom of Tony’s pectoral.

“Emergency field incision,” Tony murmured, nipple peaking at the close touch. “Had to mesh-wall my heart.”

Peter had no words for that, either. In all the fun of the firehouse he’d almost forgotten the reality of such a dangerous job. He ran his thumb gently over it again, as if to kiss it, and tightened his legs to bring Tony into him again.

It made them press together in a delicious, warm friction, Tony’s pupils dilating further when Peter tried to stifle the noise the touch prompted. He was squeezed back into the wall as Tony leaned down, catching his mouth in a slick, gentle kiss. 

“Hey, kid,” Tony murmured against his mouth, leaning back just enough to speak, teeth scraping over his swollen lower lip.

“Hm?” Peter whimpered, trying to tilt his head to reach him again.

“You wanna see why they call me Captain Firehose?”

Peter’s lashes fluttered as he looked up, mouth dropping open for a moment of pure, unadulterated suspense.

“That was awful,” he groaned with a giggle, tickled by the cheesy line and rendered pink-cheeked by the soft, fond look at Tony fixed him with.

“Made you smile, though,” Tony purred, adjusting his hold as he ducked down to press a kiss to Peter’s cheek, lips trailing over the warm skin before he pulled back and away, muscles flexing as he held Peter up without the support of the wall.

Blushing harder, Peter wound his arms around the man’s neck. “Okay, Captain. Show me how to handle your hose,” he whispered, yelping and laughing when Tony spun them around towards the bedroom with a grin.

[sickofthistoxicshit]

Buddie 4x14 review - if you haven’t watched it yet don’t read.

The episode starts where we left it, once Buck was on the ground, it seems like he was thrust back into reality. I noticed two things here (connected with 4x13) Eddie didn’t close his eyes until Buck was safe behind the truck on the ground. And the second thing is that Buck was spurred into action the moment Eddie’s eyes closed.

And I mean this was some BAMF Buckley right there, that was SEALS trained Evan Buckley! 😱🤩 It’s like training and instinct kicked in and all that mattered was to get to Eddie and get him help as soon as possible, sniper’s bullets be damned. I gotta say it was executed to perfection❣

Big kudos to both Oliver and Ryan for delivering this whole sequence in a heart-wrenching, beautiful manner.

The shooting doesn’t stop and they get Eddie out of there under fire, I really like the 133 captain and crew, they worked so well with the members of the 118, it seemed effortless. (I’m not touching that subject, but let’s picture Buck lifting Eddie bodily up into his arms and in to the truck for just a second here. - I mean we wanted it but not under these circumstances)

Buck taking the role of medic when finally getting Eddie into the truck, is so amazing, he’s usually the one either in need for treatment or the one who stands back and let’s Hen, Chim and Eddie do the medic stuff, it is their jobs after all, but he doesn’t sit back and let the medics of the 133 to take over, he does it himself. 

He tore Eddie’s uniform’s buttons open (again, that’s not how any of us wished for this to happen), tore the pressure bandage wrap open and pressed it down on the wound, he did not step back from Eddie, until he absolutely has to, at the hospital. 😭

Eddie, my poor baby, was lying on the ground of the truck, bleeding and half conscious and the one thing he focused on was the blood on Buck’s shirt and he asked him if he’s hurt. I mean I could totally cry, because that’s Eddie. Best friend, combat medic, protective and caring, that never goes away even as he’s lying there bleeding. 🥺🥺

Eddie was legit ready to forget his injuries and try to get up and take care of Buck if he was hurt too. He loses consciousness only when Buck assures him that he’s not hurt.

Buck’s frantic litany of “Just hang on, we’re almost there.” and “I need you to hang on” (“I need you”, not we, not Christopher, “I need you”) was really hard to watch, because even though we all read and wrote it in fanfics thousands of times, watching it actually play out was heartbreaking, I totally teared up with Buck there.🥺🥺

For firefighters the job ends at the hospital doors, so Buck naturally, out of instinct stops from following. But that’s Eddie taken away from him and he looks frozen, at that moment he must have thousands of thoughts running around his head.

“You ok Buckley?”

Buck’s broken “No.” was maybe expected, but it was also earth shattering of sorts. This is Buck standing there, knowing (especially after the well incident) that when Eddie is not okay, he’s not either. 😭❤

I want to point out that I loved the fact that the 133 didn’t just drive away or waited outside for the cops, they went in after Eddie. And after trying to check in on Buck, the Captain of the 133 went in too.

I’m going to point out a parallel here between S3 Finale and S4 finale, in 3x18 Eddie asks Buck if he’s ok as his ex-girlfriend was taken in the ambulance with her new fiancé, Buck’s response was “What’s next?” and going back to work. He was okay, because Eddie was with him, and there was still work to be done.

Here in 4x14, Eddie is taken from him to the hospital, and Buck doesn’t know if he’ll live, so Buck’s obvious answer here is ‘No’.

Later we see Buck exiting the hospital, in his firefighter uniform. I’m a little disappointed we don’t see him cleaning up, I know that could have made for a hell of a scene, Oliver would have killed it, and us in my opinion.

Taylor is coming to the hospital, not as a reporter but as a friend. She was worried. I like that side of her, when she knows to put away the reporter and to make sure her friend is in one piece. Her character development is shown beautifully in this scene. 

Buck, in no condition to pretend and speak to the press, turns away from her, he doesn’t trust her at that moment and he doesn’t trust himself not to break down there. He’s teary, still in shock and his hands are shaking like crazy. (in complete contrast to the usual Buck, where he can be in danger or wrap up a crazy rescue and he is normally completely steady.)

Taylor, offered to take Buck to Eddie’s house to see Christopher, telling him he can’t go see Chris looking like he does now. “You can’t got see his son like that.” - At first hear and several others it sounded like “Your son.” - of course it’s not but either way it would have been true too, because in a way Buck has been co-parenting Christopher for a very long time now. And indeed later when Buck gets to Eddie’s house he is washed and dressed in civilian clothes.

The scene with Oli and Gavin killed me! I thought for sure the breaking down will be done in private, but Buck couldn’t hold it together in front of Christopher once he found out Eddie is going to be ok, and Christopher comforting Buck was so so sweet.

Christopher’s “like the ones who fixed you?” Kind of gives us a certain idea as to the conversation Eddie had to have with Christopher when Buck was hurt. His sweet “Then he’s going to be ok,” he says it with such conviction, only adding “right?” only as an afterthought.

And as if he manifested it himself Buck then gets a text from Bobby that tells him that Eddie pulled through surgery and it looks good.

Buck actually dropped the phone from the relief and he started to cry, and sweet, adorable, national treasure Christopher puts an arm around him and tells him that Eddie is going to be okay. I definitely cried with Buck here. It was such a powerful scene and it was portrayed so well by Oliver and Gavin. 

The “it’s going to be okay Buck” was kind of a call back to 3x01 - when Christopher reassures Buck and tells him “You’re going to be okay kid.” - I love these two together so much! ❤❤

When Bobby gives them the talk in the firehouse about how they proceed from there, Buck is standing with his arms crossed, looking completely dejected. And when Hen asks about the safety of their families, Bobby says there's no reason to believe they are in danger, Buck pipes in with “We didn’t have a reason to believe Eddie will get shot helping a kid either.” Buck is traumatized, and worried, he sleeps at Eddie’s house looking after Christopher.

I loved Christopher waking Buck up, and them having cereal breakfast together, a call back to Eddie and Christopher having breakfast together in 2x04. Buck doesn’t sit next to Chris, but across from him - to me it says that the seat between them is usually reserved to Eddie when they’re together at the house.

I love how Christopher’s teasing Buck about him snoring. And Buck is later confused because he’s unsure of whether or not Chris really understands what’s happening, but Carla assures him that he already lost his mother, unfortunately he understands better than he or she thinks. Which again should give people a new appreciation for Christopher’s sunshine child attitude.🥺❤

Carla showing up to take Christopher to school, is showing relief that Buck could finally sleep, which means that he didn’t for at least a couple of nights. She’s also asking him how it feels to go to work, Buck doesn’t even think about the sniper, for him all that matters is that Eddie is not out there with him and it feels off. (call back to 2x18 when Eddie seemed pensive about being back at work but Buck was not with them.)

Carla, bless her, retorts that that is not what she was asking - obviously she meant, she was worried about the sniper, but that is not Buck’s main worry, his head and his heart are somewhere else.

The crane scene was insane! I laughed when Chimney looked to Bobby and asked him “Can you blame him cap?” and Bobby flat out responded “Yeah!” 😂

The rescue was really impressive. However if Eddie ever found out about this he would probably hit Buck over the head with something heavy. It just goes to show that Eddie is Buck’s impulse control and vice-versa.

Bobby and Buck’s interaction wasn’t one of anger, Bobby was terrified and Buck was guilty but unapologetic, because he couldn’t protect Eddie but he could protect the rest of his family, so he did just that. Bobby didn’t have anything to say other than give him the same response Eddie did in Monsters - “Don’t do it again.” - Because for one, in my opinion, Bobby knows where Buck is coming from and also Bobby knows, he knows Eddie is Buck’s impulse control, knows he’s his anchor, he knows that Buck will only be his relatively normal self when Eddie comes back.

I’m not even going to touch the Taylor scene, yes she was worried, and yes she scolded him in a friendly way, but that kiss felt so out of left field for me, especially since Buck was just packing a bag to go stay with Christopher and Eddie was still unconscious at the hospital.

Also she freaking friendzoned him last episode, how fickle do male writers think women are? She gets a little scared and kisses the guy? Lucky they didn’t write in a sex scene! That was an insult to women everywhere in my opinion. It could have been set in so many better opportunities, why now? And if she’s scared now what’s to say that won’t make her leave like Ali did? I have a whole tirade about it but I will let it go for now.

Now I know ya’ll are like - Eddie woke up because his spidey senses told him someone was kissing his Buck (and I do not negate that point lol), but he just woke up and he asked for Buck. I find it so deliriously endearing that I need a moment even as I’m writing this.🤗🤗

I have to point out that there is no scene of Buck, Eddie and she who will not be name together other than the second when Buck walks in (read ran through the hospital corridors) and Eddie has only eyes for his partner. 👀❤

Afterwards it just the two of them, with a brief facetime to Christopher. I love that Eddie thanks Buck for staying with Chris, and Buck pretty much breaks down the logic behind the decision, like a true parent. - Christopher’s comfort came first in Buck’s eyes, and really that just demanded a hug right there.

“Is he doing ok?” 

Buck’s response here, was very honest, a lot more honest than I expected, “better than me.” He said. Buck openly admits to Eddie, “I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot. I’m sorry I should have held it together.” To be honest, I’m very curious as to the ins and outs of Buck and Eddie’s friendship, especially during quarantine, they seem so much closer, a lot more open. More honest than you'd expect two male, straight, lead characters to be with their friends.

Buck would have played it down and shared only the essentials when it’s anybody else. With Eddie he openly saying here, in his own way, ‘I was terrified, and heartbroken, and ‘couldn’t imagine my world without you.’ - ‘I couldn’t function with a clear head.’ - ‘all my masks were shattered.’ 

“You were there for him when I couldn’t be, that’s what matters.” Eddie knows, buck, he understands him better than anyone, he’s telling him here in his own way that it’s okay, and he loves him just the way he is - it was his way to reassure Buck that he was doing just fine.

But Buck’s “Still I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” - Eddie looked like he was ready to get up and smack some sense into Buck. 

I want to point out that Buck’s response to Eddie being hurt or in danger is nowhere near the same as his response to anyone else in danger. Case in point in 4x14 is Bobby, he is inside, probably injured, in a fire with a gunman - if it was Eddie, Buck would have waited 0.1 seconds before he disappeared back into the flames to help Eddie. 

With Bobby, he was calm, cool, calculated, he knew what Athena would do because that’s exactly what he would have done if it had been Eddie and he is ready with helpful details and a plan. He wants to go with her, but doesn’t argue when she says no. 

Eddie is Buck’s Bobby, and it reflects all throughout this episode, and I think I had some parallels pointed out in 4x13 too. So I don’t know what scripts Tim reads or if we’re all watching the same show but buddie exists and thriving as far as I’m concerned.

Buck is also the one to pick Eddie up at the hospital - he tells him that the nurse is getting his meds and discharge papers ready, which means that Buck did all that process, he was busy getting Eddie discharged. (Take a moment to soak it in.)😌

Eddie sits Buck down to talk, to be honest this talk went pretty much the way I expected it. 

Eddie explains why he had his will updated, and that Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian if anything happens to Eddie. - I love that after all this time, sweet Buck is still surprised. 

He asks if Eddie didn’t need his consent for this and Eddie’s reply is: “My attorney said you could refuse.”  

I also love, that even shell-shocked, Buck knows that Eddie knows him “You know I wouldn’t.”

And Eddie assures him that he does in fact know Buck, and he knows that Buck loves Christopher as much as Eddie does “I know you wouldn’t.” 

(”I had to do it.” - “Yeah, I know you did.” this was a call back to 4x05 where Eddie understood why Buck did what he did. And knowing what we know now, I can assume that even though Eddie understood and forgave Buck, he didn’t have to like it.)

“No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you.” - call back to 3x03 anyone? 

“There’s no one I trust with my son more than you.” - and Eddie proves it time and again.

And here he is basically giving Buck permission to give hell to his parents or anyone who tries to take Christopher away from His Buck. - And I love it!! 🤗❤

Buck, smart, handsome guy that he is, asks the right question again - “Why are you just telling me now?”

“Because Evan.” That first name that even took Buck by surprise, because Eddie only ever called him Buck, to our knowledge anyway. - Eddie was talking to Evan Buckley, not Buck, and yes they are two separate entities living inside one hunky firefighter. - This is Eddie saying, I know you’re frayed around the edges, I know I’m asking for a lot right now but I need you to hear me.

“You came in here the other day and you said it would have been better if you who were the one who was shot,” and I think for Eddie, who was lying on that firetruck floor bleeding out, and his only concern was that Buck may have been hurt, that was the worst thing Buck could have said. 

“you act like you’re expandable but you’re wrong.” 

Eddie has been where Buck is at that moment, losing his wife, watching his best friend nearly die time and again. - Really at this point Eddie just wants him safe, and if telling him about Christopher is what will do the trick, then he is not above playing dirty.

Eddie is telling Buck, you are my partner, you are Christopher's second parent, I love you, Christopher loves you, I don’t know what I’d do without you. - Because Eddie has been without Buck before and he was completely lost. - And that’s before they became even more intertwined as they are now. 

I love the second before Buck and Eddie enter, Eddie’s house, before Buck opens the door, Eddie looks like he’s steeling himself to get in and Buck has a knowing grin on his face, somewhere between ‘ready?’ and ‘they’re happy you’re back be nice.’ 👀😂

I hated the jump forward, but everyone standing on the roof looking good and Eddie with those sunglasses? wow!! 🥵🤩

This was an all out buddie episode, and I was totally there for it!! I really hope for many more, because these two give me life!!

[madamewriterofwrongs]

Soft Eddie thought: the first time he mentions Buck in passing as 'my husband' and then all of a sudden it hits him for the first time that, holy shit, he has a *husband*! And either tears up a little or can't stop smiling.

Hey Nonny, I hope you see this, I know it’s been awhile. 

Subconsciously Drawn Together

911/Buddie

Eddie would never call what he feels a crush – after all, he’s a grown adult who hasn’t had a crush on anyone since Jenny Rodriguez broke his heart in eighth grade by picking Eugene as her lab partner instead of him. (Coincidentally, they are both married to someone named Makayla and neither of them lived outside of Texas for more than a few months).

He always thought that would be him. Not, married to Jenny or Eugene (or either Makayla for that matter), but there was a part of him that knew he was destined to live a quiet life. Marriage, children, maybe a dog and a white picket fence if they wanted to be really cliched. And he was okay with that – he really was. For Eddie, there was no other life than the one laid out for him.

Going to war didn’t change that. A poor country boy joining the military to provide for his pregnant wife back home? Even pulp fiction novelists thought it was too obvious. But, again, he never minded living an uninteresting life. Not everyone was destined for adventure and drama. Most people were made to get through the day.

Even when the nightmares came and he struggled to keep his family together, it just seemed like the next chapter in his boring novelization of a life. Everyone had marital troubles after coming home, everyone had bad dreams and phantom pains. Everyone worried where the money would come from to support their family. Everyone snuck into their son’s room to watch him sleep because they were afraid to admit that they’d forgotten what he looked like while he was away. Everyone felt guilt and shame and fear and regret. It was a part of life.

And then his wife left and his parents offered to take Christopher and for one moment, the thought crossed his mind. Could he let his son go (be with people who could stay at home and give him the care he needed)? Could he forget about Shannon and move somewhere else? Could he start over (relive his 20s in the carefree manner he’d seen others struggling to find)? Could he run away again and make it stick this time?

By the end of the week, he and Christopher were packed into his truck and headed to Los Angeles.

It didn’t feel like running away when he was mumbling his way through the Frozen soundtrack or listening to his son talk about his old school’s pet turtle that he’ll miss (and wonder what kind of pets the kids in Los Angeles got to have). It didn’t feel like running away then. It felt like they were running towards something.

Running towards a new life, of sorts, as it turned out. Sure, he still dealt with his parents’ criticism, and Shannon came back into their lives and for a moment, it felt like she’d never left him. But in LA, he had a purpose, he had freedom. For the first time in a long time, Eddie looked forward to opening his door in the mornings; for the first time in a long time, he never knew exactly what to expect, and LA was full of surprises.

The biggest surprise of all was named Evan Buckley.

Buck was a lot of things: a friend, a skilled firefighter, endearingly enthusiastic, subtle as a brick, and the first person outside of his real family that he called ‘family’ and truly meant it. He loved the men and women he served with in Afghanistan, but the moment they departed at the airport, he lost that connection. Joining the 118 had been a way to get that back and it had worked out fantastically. He had sports fanatics to cheer with, parents of blended families to vent with, people who knew his past and loved him despite it all.

Eddie never told anyone (except his therapist who never commented on it, but made a face that said they’d circle back to it at a later date), but he felt as though he’d known Buck for years. Once the man opened up to him, the trust he felt was strong, and the way he took an instant affection to Christopher made it easy to let this man into his life.

Within less than a year of joining the LA Fire Department however, his world imploded.

Or exploded, actually. First Shannon died, then Buck was injured, then his son was nearly taken by a natural disaster and he didn’t even know it. He spent so much time after that trying to put the pieces back together. For all the things he’d assumed his life would be – a wife and kid and a white picket fence – the only thing he had left was a son now dealing with immense trauma for such a young child to handle. And he had Buck (who was so bright and eager to please that one might describe him as a puppy at times). Nothing of his life had turned out the way it was meant to.

Suddenly, a year had passed since Shannon’s death and his life was still an unrecognizable sort of decagon shape instead of the standard cookie cutter circle. But none of that mattered because he was staring into bright brown eyes and a luminescent smile that was telling him that he was doing a wonderful job of raising Christopher on his own.

Others had been trying to tell him that for years (never the ones whose opinion meant to world to him, but he was learning to let that go) but that beautiful face was so sincere that he forgot himself. He forgot that he was a widow with a grieving son. He forgot the fear and regret that went along with the phantom pains when the weather turned cold. He forgot that he had failed in his ambition to live an entirely ordinary life. For a moment he thought: ‘when she smiles at me, I feel happy’.

He wanted to feel that way again.

There were several reasons that things just wouldn’t work out with Ana. For one: she was Christopher’s teacher, and even if it wasn’t against the rules, it still felt wrong. Two: he’d seen the moment she thought differently about him after he yelled at her at school. She was too professional and kind to say anything but even if it was possible, she was definitely no longer interested. The third reason was that he was a firefighter who worked insane hours and when he wasn’t at work, he was home with his son. There wasn’t exactly a lot of time for dating. Fourth: she wasn’t Buck.

That thought had been the one that kept him up at night. It had come to him while he stood in the shower, recounting his day, wondering how long he had until it would be time to pick up Christopher from school. He wasn’t feeling overly ambitious so he figured spaghetti and meatballs would be perfect for supper. He wondered what it would be like to cook for someone who wasn’t ten years old. Someone he could cook beside without having to keep a constant eye. There were times (in the early days with Shannon) where the two of them would cook together, do laundry, clean, do all the domestic things side by side. She had been insistent that they both learn to care for the house that they shared and he was happy to stand beside her in all things.

Remember to throw Buck’s gym clothes in the laundry next time he comes over. He keeps forgetting to throw them in his basket.

A simple little thought, really. He’d thought it before. His friend would leave his gym bag by the door for work and forget to empty it out when he went to do laundry. It was unlikely that anyone other than Eddie noticed the state of Buck’s clothes, but he’d been paying closer attention to him lately. Like how after the train derailment, his smile seemed easier; his shoulders relaxed more often – especially when he was with the 118 or Christopher. Buck seemed happy now that he’d gotten his closure from Abby.

He deserves to be happy. He makes me feel happy.

Buck did make him feel happy. The way he interacted with Christopher, the way he entrusted his son to this man without a second thought. But even when Christopher wasn’t around, Eddie enjoyed Buck’s company. Going to baseball games (dragging him, more like), sitting together when the crew went out for drinks after work. With Buck, he felt…

Safe.

Which wasn’t surprising, really. Buck was a kind man. Sweet and thoughtful. He put other’s first – just like Eddie does, he could hear Frank’s voice in his mind – and cared deeply about the people in his life. Not to mention, he was physically a very strong figure. In some other life, he and Buck met on the wrestling circuit but never fought. Him: with his MMA, and Buck: with his Greco-Roman Wrestling. With those broad shoulders and firm arms, he wouldn’t mind being pulled into a stronghold once or twice.

He knew Buck was conventionally attractive from the day they met. There was no hiding the sharp blue eyes or curly blond hair and rounded jaw.

Nothing like Ana.

Another correct statement that still seemed ominous in context. Why was he comparing Buck to Ana – or Shannon, for that matter? It wasn’t fair to compare friends to lovers. Although, Buck did fit into several categories on both sides.

Buck was a loyal friend, caring and trustworthy. He made Eddie and Christopher feel safe and loved. He wanted to do Buck’s laundry. He thought he was attractive. Slowly, one side of the column began to build in size.

Perhaps Buck was a bigger part of Eddie’s life than he realized. He hadn’t thought seriously about dating anyone until Ana and that never felt right but Buck…

Buck always felt right. Like he belonged with them. Like he’d known them all his life.

Could it be that Eddie wanted something other than friendship? Had he been climbing the wrong ladder all this time only to find himself at the top with no way across? After all: Buck had never given any indication that he was romantically interested in Eddie.

Though, to be fair, Eddie had given no indication either.

But that was because he’d just figured it out. Surely Buck had some idea that best friends didn’t act the way they did. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he wasn’t interested, in any way, with Eddie. Could he forget it and go back to the way things were? Now that his fingers seemed to tingle with the new realization, could he take it back? Could he put those feelings in a box until someone else came along?

Would there be anyone else?

What did he want to happen with Buck?

Kissing him, for starters, might be interesting. Those plump, pink lips exploring his entire body. Having someone in his bed every night would be nice – and not just anyone, but someone who understood his work and the stressors of the day. If anyone was going to stand by his side while he freaked out about Christopher going on his first date, it should be Buck. Next to Eddie, that man was the most protective when it came to that little boy. He’d only seen it once or twice but Eddie knew that Buck looked good in a suit. Would he look even better in a tux? Years from now, when he retired from the LAFD, it would be nice to feel the weight of a ring on his finger, knowing he had someone he loved waiting at home.

Oh.

Oh damn.

Eddie’s shower ran a little bit longer than expected that day.

That simple thought had sent him on a spiral two weeks ago and every night that he struggled to fall asleep, he found himself rolling to the empty side of the bed, wondering what it would be like to wake up next to his best friend.

The conclusion he inevitably came to: it would be wonderful.

If the worlds aligned, of course. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his sudden, escalating realization (not even Frank). There was no way to know if Buck reciprocated his feelings in any way. Though he knew with uncanny certainty that he would be safe to confess his feelings without fear of losing his relationship entirely, it still seemed safer to gather more information before making any sort of move.

I’m safe with Buck no matter what.

So, no. Eddie would not describe what he felt for Buck as a simple ‘crush’.

It was everything.

------------------------------

The accident scene was a mess. It always was. They so rarely rolled up on an event that was neatly organized – not that it would make him any less stressed or worried for the safety of his patients. It was his job to worry, to be surrounded by chaos. Perhaps that was his new normal now, and his idea of an ordinary life had shifted to one that involved heavier boots.

There was still a sense of satisfaction and ease, knowing that he got to go home to his son every night, that he was helping people, and there were people in his life who loved and supported him. Unlike his old army mates (as strong as those relationships were), he also knew that if he woke up and decided to be a baker instead of a firefighter, the 118 would still treat him as one of their own.

Perhaps ‘baker’ wasn’t the best example, baking had never been one of his favourite activities. A florist, or a construction worker, maybe. Firefighting meant a lot to him but it wasn’t his calling – the way it was for his… for Buck. How would the man react if one day, Eddie told him that they would no longer be partners in work? There was no doubt in his mind that Buck would still be over on Thursday nights with pizza and video games. And perhaps if Eddie was working more regular hours, he could go over to Buck’s on occasion and make dinner for the three of them. That would be a nice surprise. Buck would smile that impossibly bright smile and open his arms to Christopher, swinging the boy around gently because he was overly cautious about roughhousing with him – something that only made Eddie’s heart beat faster. Then, Buck would make his way over to Eddie and kiss him with a sort of reverence; like he can’t quite believe that Eddie’s real. He could rest assured that the feeling was mutual.

What a ridiculously outdated fantasy. He’d clearly grown up watching too much ‘I Love Lucy’.

The firefighter shook his head as he hopped out of the truck, turning his thoughts towards the work at hand.

That was something he’d always been good at: focus and calm under pressure. It was what had made becoming a firefighter so appealing. Sure, being a combat medic meant he was more than qualified for field rescues, but all that stoic strength he possessed was better used at work rather than at home. At home, he could be Christopher’s dad. At work, he was Firefighter Diaz.

There was no room for fantasies in Firefighter Diaz’s mind.

The chaos of the accident mostly consisted of cries of pain from passengers trapped in their vehicles as they tried in vain to free themselves before the qualified company could arrive. It wasn’t uncommon to come across a major pile up in the middle of the day, when Angelenos weren’t kept at a complete standstill, and impatient drivers were a staple of life in the LAFD.

Eddie took his orders from Bobby, clearing a path of bystanders for the heavy equipment, and assisting those who were stuck somewhere between freeing themselves and receiving a particularly crude hemicorporectomy. For all the noise, it was a relatively calm affair. Sure, some were screaming and crying – and one woman definitely threw a fit when told to climb out the passenger-side window of her shattered vehicle. But those in need of help received the assistance they required, and the worst injury they encountered was a broken rib and neck bruise from a young man who remained conscious throughout his entire extraction.

It was messy, it was chaotic, it was loud, but it was all right. There were still a few people with minor concussions and bloody wounds that could hopefully be tended to at the scene (most of them unwilling to take the ambulance ride if it wasn’t strictly necessary). He was admittedly a little hyper-focused today, his mind fighting the urge to wander away from its regular duties. Eddie chided himself for feeling so lovesick at work. He’d gone all this time loving Buck, he could handle a few more hours. It was that hyper focus which would be his undoing.

“All right, I think you’re going to be just fine. Head on over to my husband over there and he’ll get you some gauze for your arm.”

An innocent enough sentence – one that didn’t register in his mind through the haze of moving from one patient to the next – but one that only fed into that dangerous fantasy of his.

“What did you call Buck?”

And one that Chimney had apparently heard loud and clear.

Eddie blinked, as he kept his eyes trained on the man before him (some poor bystander who’d bumped his head when he’d stumbled backwards to avoid the oncoming collisions), determined to remain professional in the face of his own idiocy.

Clicking his penlight on with a little too much enthusiasm, he shook the device over his patient’s face. “Can you look up, sir?” Eddie felt his coworker’s eyes trained on him but he kept his focus on his work. As he continued his examination, Chimney crept closer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and amusement but still, the ex-soldier remained stoic as ever. Some part of Eddie knew that ignoring his friend now would only lead to a confrontation later but right now, he had work to do. And dividing his attention between his duty and his teasing friends was not how he wanted to spend his afternoon. So, he stayed focused. After a few moments, he saw Chimney shake his head and move away, letting Eddie take a much-needed breath of relief.

He was safe from his own stupid brain. For now.

Eddie knew it was coming when Chimney let him be during the rest of their scene cleanup. It was inevitable; but knowing and experiencing were two entirely separate matters.

“So.” Chimney wore what could only be described as a ‘shit-eating grin’ as he began his sentence, pulling all eyes in the back of the truck to him. “Is there something that Buck and Eddie would like to tell us?”

Buck, innocent as ever, turned to Eddie for guidance. “No…?” Eddie could only stare out the window, sorely tempted to remove his headphones if only to prolong the inevitable conversation. Was he blushing or was his face simply burning from the inside out?

“Are you sure?” The man was unrelenting, his voice growing higher with his escalating amusement. As if giving them a chance to confess would be easier than Chimney spilling the truth.

Not that there was any truth to confess. There was just one, very, very, idiotic man who got one simple crush and couldn’t keep it in his pants.

“Chim, what’s going on?”

There were two options Eddie faced in this moment where his head filled with warning sirens (not dissimilar to the ones that normally filled the truck). He could come clean and confess his sins to the team, facing the consequences with what meager amount of dignity he had left. Or, he could lie and pretend Chimney had misheard him, and they could all go about their day. That seemed the safer option. Of course, he hated lying to his team – to his friends – but what was the alternative?

“I called Buck my husband at the scene.”

Apparently, the alternative was exclaiming his idiocy in front of his teammates and denying the flash of a smile on his partner’s face. It was a simple upturn twitch of his lip, hardly noticeable, but the only opinion that mattered to Eddie as he gave his confession was from the man sitting across from him – and he was decidedly attuned to Buck’s ever-changing expressions. On a normal day, he enjoyed the way their knees bumped as the truck bounced through the streets of Los Angeles; it was just another reminder of how connected they were. Now, it made the space between them feel too close – yet still not close enough.

Buck’s face, upon hearing the news that Eddie had tied them together in the mind of some random stranger, flickered once before falling to something neutral and curious (almost amused). As if he was studying something.

“Oh, I don’t mind.” His partner shrugged and Eddie’s heart stopped. “Were they hitting on you?”

Again, Eddie appeared at a crossroads. “No.” And chose the more embarrassingly honest answer.

“Were they hitting on me?”

“No.” So many forks in his path but he continued to veer in one direction, as Buck furrowed his brows in confusion.

“Then why did you”

“I don’t know.” Eddie tried to sound casual as he grumblingly cut him off before he could continue his innocent interrogation. Through the headset, he could hear Chimney snort in disbelief but his eyes remained solely locked on his partner.

He knew why Chimney might scoff at his dismissal – those type of slipups didn’t ‘just happen’, after all – but it was as close to the truth as he could muster. He didn’t know why he’d said what he said. His mind was still frazzled from long hours contemplating what he wanted and what he felt.

Apparently, his subconscious had taken over and now he had his answer.

An answer which was decidedly too large to attempt to unpack while he was still on duty.

He wanted Buck to be his husband. He was ready to get married again – and to his best friend, no less. All wonderful information to process at another time.

The rest of the trip back to the station was filled with noise: the roar of the engine, the shout of the horn when someone inevitably cut them off, the clank of metal against metal. Eddie’s head was silent. He stared out the window at the passing world, feeling the eyes of his partner drilling into his cheek for a time, and then return to his phone. No one spoke, but the absence of voice was deafening. Teasing or pestering would have been better than the juxtaposing silence that told him everyone knew what he’d meant.

Buck had given him every out for his little mistake and, instead, Eddie had barreled straight into his own demise. There was no other explanation as to why he’d said what he said: he’d meant it. Or wanted to mean it, rather. Sure, his dirty little secret had been outed, but Buck had yet to make a comment one way or the other.

I don’t mind.

One friend helping out another: that was what it meant to Buck. And he loved that. But there was no mistaking now what Eddie felt in his heart.

He wanted it to mean something else.

Climbing out of the truck at the end of their journey was harder than usual. The silent stares wouldn’t stop because they were back at the station, it would only be worsened by the fact that there was nothing else to focus on. Eddie never prayed for a call – and he still wouldn’t now – but if there was any mercy in the world, he could avoid all of his friends and co-workers for the rest of their shift.

Simple enough.

“Hey.” Eddie cursed at the familiar voice following him towards the cubbies. Naturally, they were alone, naturally, there was no real excuse to leave – and apparently, he’d decided to suppress his ability to tell white lies for the sake of his pride today – naturally, his heart pounded behind his eyelids as Buck stopped jogging in front of him.

“I just want to say…” and here came the inevitable turndown Eddie dreaded and secretly hoped would never come. “It’s okay, I get it.” Buck’s smile was small but sincere. That man couldn’t be anything less than sincere.

It’s one of the reasons why I lo-

“It was just a slip of the tongue,” Eddie cut off his own thoughts before they betrayed him the way his subconscious had. He needed at least some of his faculties to survive the day. “Don’t worry about it.”

He stepped to the side, intending to escape his own personal hell – was it always this hot in the station? Did they always stand so close to one another? How had he never realized his feelings before now? – but Buck blocked his path.

“No, really, it’s fine.” Was Buck blushing now? “I kind of think of you as my work-husband, too.”

Another perfect opportunity for an out. He could flounder excuses about being tired and meaning it in a work-related setting the way Buck implied.

“Right.” His words sounded weak to his own ears. Who knew what they sounded like to Buck, as the man finally let him pass. Freedom secured, Eddie quickened his pace so as to escape the curious eyes of his fellow crewmates as quickly as possible.

Or at least, that was the plan, until Buck called out: “But you know, I’m free tonight if you wanted to talk about it.”

It felt as though the world stopped spinning – but the distant sound of clanking cutlery from the loft reminded him that it had not. His stomach dropped into his shoes, and his skin burst into flames from the buzzing in his ears. Eddie pivoted on his heel slowly to face his partner, uncertain he’d even heard the words he’d said. But there was Buck, blushing as brightly as he felt, but smiling a much more lopsided grin.

“Talk about what?” He cautiously asked.

Buck moved first, filling the minimal space Eddie had put between them with his broad chest and bright, eager eyes. He smelled of smoke and pine (despite interacting with neither today) and a thin sheen of sweat made him appear more disheveled than perhaps he was. Had he always been so intoxicating? What were they talking about?

“About being husbands… outside of work.”

“What?” Now Eddie was certain that he’d misheard his friend.

Buck simply smirked in response to his question, eyes moving slowly over Eddie’s face. He was always examining, questioning, confident. He had been doomed from the start.

“Christopher’s in bed at eight, right?”

“We’re pushing it to eight-thirty.” His mouth moved on autopilot, too stunned to comprehend the sudden shift in subject.

Again, Buck’s blue eyes circled his face slowly, absorbing all Eddie’s focus as he felt himself physically affected from the mere sight of his partner with his knowing grin and wandering eye. So entranced was he, that he didn’t notice how closely the other man had leaned into his space until he felt his hot breath against his skin. Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat.

He was absolutely doomed.

When Buck spoke, his tongue danced along his teeth, an enticing show of some unfulfilled fantasy that had never occurred to Eddie in the first place.

“Then I’ll be there at eight-thirty-one.”

Buck’s flirtatious demeanor melted into a giddy smile that snapped through the tension he’d pulled between them. “I was a little- a lot worried you didn’t feel the same.” He confessed, still filling Eddie’s space with his infectious energy. One word from him, and Eddie melted.

“You…were…” No more words filled his mind beyond a string of victorious swears and the sound of panicked cheering, but Buck seemed to understand him nonetheless. Buck had always understood him.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

If he hadn’t been so preoccupied with using the truck to keep his legs underneath him, he would have turned to see Buck walk away, pumping his fist in excitement. As it was, several crewmembers looked on from the balcony, shaking their heads at the pair of idiots acting like lovesick teenagers over a single date.

Chimney shooed them all away before taking the opportunity to shout: “Buck, tell your husband that lunch is ready.” Which earned him more than a few chuckles from the firefighters upstairs, and two overexaggerated groans from the men below.

They were definitely not going to be living this down for a while.

For once, Eddie didn’t mind – and if the grin plastered on Buck’s face for the rest of the shift was any indication, neither did he.

[buckleyydiaz]

what he deserves

Ship: Buck/Eddie

Summary: It had to be done - someone had to do it, to make sure Buck got the best in life, what he truly wanted. As the old adage says, “if you love someone, let them go.” Eddie could only hope it paid off in the end, because it really wasn’t feeling as though it would.

Words: 2.4k

Eddie didn’t want to be angry at Buck - it felt wrong, went against every fibre of his being, to feel so pissed off with Buck, of all people, his best friend, his partner, the most selfless man he knew, who would never do anything with the intent of hurting anyone else.

But anger was easy. Anger was familiar, being consumed by a burning rage was comfortable, easy, no matter how much he didn’t like it - no matter how much it scared Eddie, because it was too easy - and he couldn’t afford to fall back into old habits.

What Eddie was certain of, however, was that he would rather be pissed off at Buck, he would rather risk going back to what he swore to himself, to Buck, that he would never do again, than move beyond the anger. Because he didn’t know what would lie beyond it, but he was sure it would be a hell of a lot more frightening than all of the possibilities which anger provided him with.

He knew if he hadn’t stopped attending therapy as soon as it had stopped being mandated for him, that his therapist would have most likely told him that he had to move past anger, that he had to acknowledge what he really felt, but that was bullshit. Therapy had never really been Eddie’s thing, anyways.

So Eddie would sit and let his anger stew for a while, letting it simmer inside, burning him up from the insides - he deserved it anyway, he thought, as he tried desperately to make excuses to his own mind as to why it was right for him to do what he so clearly knew to be wrong.

He deserved to hurt himself by letting the anger build, he decided, because he simply managed to miss that something was so significantly wrong with Buck, that he wasn’t - wouldn’t be - happy in their relationship. Eddie had never wanted to do anything but protect and love Buck, but he had done nothing but fail at that, evidently.

It was all just made worse by the fact that Buck didn’t say anything, that he never had. He had never mentioned that he wanted more, that just Christopher and Eddie couldn’t be enough for him.

Instead, Eddie found out because he simply happened to walk past at just the right - or as it felt, wrong - time.

“I’ve always wanted a kid of my own.”

That was all it took. Eddie didn’t even know what on Earth Buck had been talking about with Chim for that to come up, but it had, and that was all that mattered.

Eddie would bend over backwards for Buck, he would do almost anything he could to make things as good as they could be for him, because he deserved it, but of course, the one thing that Buck wanted, was the one thing that Eddie was unable to provide.

A child. Of his own.

Eddie had always known that Buck loved children - he had made that clear from very early on in their friendship, and the way he was with Christopher was proof. Buck had proven that he would walk through hell and back for him, and Eddie knew that Buck was his son’s absolute favourite person in the world. He had always figured that would be enough for Buck, had always hoped it would be, because Eddie couldn’t give Buck a child of his own, nor was he sure if he was in a position in his life to have another child, if it were even a distant possibility.

As he thought about it, the anger began to dissipate, much to Eddie’s disappointment, because he knew what was coming.

Waves of sadness began to wash over him, and as they crashed and crashed, it felt like he was drowning. He preferred the violent, scorching pain of rage, to this dull, aching feeling that left him desperately gasping for breath, for a tiny bit of happiness, that was nowhere to be found.

Eddie hated to wallow in self-pity, but it was better to sit alone and sulk than to force anyone else to deal with his chaos, his broken heart.

Because he knew, no matter how much he wished he could, that he would do whatever it took to make Buck happy.

The strange selflessness was proof of Buck’s impact, proof of all of the ways he had changed Eddie for the better. And now Eddie had to do just one thing, one tiny thing, for the betterment of Buck’s life.

He had to let go, no matter how much it hurt, or how much he hated doing it. Buck would never do it for himself, not even if it was holding him back from happiness.

--

Eddie wasn’t sure which had been harder - breaking up with Buck, watching his crestfallen expression, which did nothing to make Eddie feel better about breaking his own heart on some Buck-esque self-sacrificial attempt at doing the right thing, or telling Christopher that Dad and Buck weren’t dating anymore, that Buck wouldn’t spend almost every night with them anymore. Both just made Eddie wish he could have stayed oblivious, that it then wouldn’t have been him that was the bad guy who had to do the breaking up - which, he had realised, would probably lead to him being alienated at work (they had all always liked Buck more than him, not that he could fault them for that, he felt the same way, but it meant that there would be hell to pay for hurting him, even though it was for Buck) - and who had to break the news to his son.

But it had to be done - someone had to do it, to make sure Buck got the best of life, what he truly wanted. As the old adage says, “if you love someone, let them go.” Eddie could only hope it paid off in the end, because it really wasn’t feeling as though it would.

--

When Eddie turned up to the 118 for his next shift, it was clear everyone knew what had happened. Buck had told Maddie, who had told Chim, and before long, the entire firehouse knew exactly what Eddie had done.

Eddie Diaz had been just the next in line to break Buck’s heart, just as Abby had before him, which he had sworn to never do. He was certain he was angrier at himself for doing so than anyone else, but he also knew it was for the best. It was for Buck. It had to be.

But all of the excuses he had for his actions within his head meant nothing to the others, who refused to so much as talk to him in passing, which only felt worse, because their shift was so quiet, and they were stuck there, just them.

While Hen, Chimney, Bobby and Buck sat up in the kitchen, each doing their own thing but sharing the space, Eddie had isolated himself to the gym - it was easier to be on his own of his own volition, and to pretend it wasn’t essentially going to be forced upon him.

Eddie tried to lose himself in what he was doing, tried to get each punch to the bag to take him further out of his mind, with little success, although it had rendered him unaware enough of his surroundings that he had not noticed Hen walking up behind him for far too long, not until she cleared her throat to get his attention.

He kept his back turned to her, not particularly keen to be chewed out for breaking up with Buck, for hurting him, when Buck was hardly the most hurt in the situation.

“Eddie, what happened?” She asked, as Eddie continued to try and tune her out. “You were both so happy.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at Hen’s words, because that’s what he had thought too, but he kept his focus firmly on the punching bag in front of him.

“Clearly not,” he muttered, not even sure that Hen would hear him, but she did, and reached out to touch his shoulder, causing him to turn around.

“Look, I can’t deal with you berating me for upsetting poor little Buck right now, okay, and I don’t think it’s really even your place to get involved.”

Eddie felt a little bad for snapping at her, but at the same time, he didn’t have the capacity to deal with the consequences of actions he hadn’t even wanted to take - not yet.

Hen, however, was clearly unbothered, used to dealing with people far ruder than Eddie, on what could be as often as a daily basis, in their job.

“Hey, I haven’t come here for Buck. I wanted to make sure you are okay, this can’t have been easy on you, and I hope you don’t think we are all against you.”

That made Eddie feel the slightest bit better, to have someone who wasn’t against him, when even he himself was conflicted on it, but it left him unsure as to what to say, because he wasn’t okay, but any attempt at a lie, Hen would almost immediately see right through him. He had to try anyway.

“I’m fine Hen, it's fine.”

As he predicted, Hen immediately gave him a look along the lines of are you fucking kidding me, not taking his bullshit for one moment.

“No its not, Eddie, and if you don’t want to talk about it with me, fine, but for the love of God, please talk to someone, okay?” After a moment where neither spoke, she began walking away, but briefly turned around - “You are as much our family as Buck is. It’s not that we don’t care about you, or blame you, it’s just much harder to tell when something is wrong than with Buck.”

Any other time he would have rolled his eyes at what she was saying, but to be honest, he appreciated the reassurance, because when they were all ignoring him, but were so concerned about Buck, it stung, just a bit, even if he deserved it.

“He wants a kid.”

Hen faced Eddie again, furrowing her eyebrows as she tried to work out what Eddie meant - Buck had always been so happy with Eddie and with Christopher.

“I heard him say it to Chimney. He wants a kid, one of his own.”

Eddie looked up from his hands, which he had been fiddling with as he spoke softly, to see Hen looking at him pityingly, but also to see Chim walking towards them, seemingly summoned by his name.

“Aw, Eddie, are you sure he meant that? Maybe it was out of context? Because you know that Buck loves Christopher like his own.”

“Well clearly that wasn’t enough for him!” He exclaimed, anger flooding through his veins as he tried to rein it back in - it wasn’t Hen’s fault that he hadn’t been enough for Buck, the same way he hadn’t been enough for Shannon. “So it’s done now. He can go off and find some woman and have a kid of his own. It’d be unfair of me to hold him back from that.”

Chim must have been close enough to hear what Eddie was saying, as a look of realisation, mixed with the same pity on Hen’s, painted his face.

“That’s not what he was saying, you know? Buck is so in love with you, and Christopher is his entire world. You are both everything that he has ever wanted.”

Eddie looked at Chim curiously, confused, because Chim had been a part of the initial conversation, and what he was saying seemed so far the opposite of what he had heard.

“Buck has always wanted a kid of his own, and he has one now, thanks to you - or he did.”

Eddie wondered if Hen and Chim could tell that the only thing he could think was oh shit. He had just ruined the best relationship he had ever been in over a misunderstanding.

“Go get him back, Eddie,” Hen said, smiling, and Eddie knew he had to do just that.

He made his way up the stairs to the kitchen area, trying to work out how on Earth he could grovel enough to make up for what he did. Eddie found Buck sat alone, Bobby having returned to his office.

“Buck, I- uh, I need to apologise,” Eddie began, looking at Buck, his eyes red and puffy, which just tugged on his heartstrings to see, knowing he was the cause.

Buck wouldn’t even look up at him.

“I, uh, heard you talking to Chim.”

Eddie watched as Buck looked up, horror all over his face.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep Eddie, I know Christopher is just your son and always will be, I just… love you both.”

Buck’s apology confused Eddie for a moment, because none of this was remotely his fault, Buck hadn’t said anything wrong - what part of the conversation was he even referring to? - but was he surprised by the show of Buck’s self-flagellating nature? Not particularly - Buck never had mastered being nice to himself.

“Overstep? You are my best friend, we are family! You could never! I thought you didn’t want us anymore.”

It was Buck’s turn to look confused, his head tilted to the side as he looked up towards Eddie.

“Why would you think that?”

“You said that you wanted a kid of your own, and I can’t give that to you!”

Buck’s eyes widened as Eddie spoke, eventually a slight smile appearing as he realised what had happened.

“And you didn’t listen past that? Eddie, you should know that you and Chris are all I need, or want.”

Begrudgingly, Eddie smiled slightly too.

“Yeah I should have, shouldn’t I?”

Buck stood up and made his way to where Eddie was standing, pulling him tight.

“I’m so glad I didn’t lose you,” Buck murmured, speaking softly into Eddie’s shoulder, his eyes welling up slightly with relief and joy.

“I love you, Buck.”

Eddie smiled as he said that, but before Buck was able to say it back, the bell began to ring out through the station, causing them to pull apart, rolling their eyes.

As they raced down the stairs to meet with the rest of the team, they were greeted with a grateful chorus of cheers from their friends.

They grinned, and Buck lent over to kiss Eddie on his cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, we know, you’re back together, but please, do not subject us to your ridiculous PDA. We do not need to see that.”

[myemergence]

take me back to the start

Title: take me back to the start Author: @myemergence Rating: E (for one smut scene, later in the fic) Artist: @benjaminrussell Artwork: MAGAZINE COVER and MUSIC VIDEO Warnings/Triggers: mentions of alcoholism, mentions of OC character death, car accident Notes: Thanks to @marcia-elena for the beta on this. I so appreciate all the work you put in! Written for @buddiebigbang. And the artwork is amazing! I love them so much, Holly! Summary: Country music star, Eddie Diaz, is on a break before his US tour when he gets unexpected news: he has a son. He needs to come home to his hometown in West River, TX right away. He hasn’t set foot there since he left for Nashville nine years ago, leaving his old life behind. West River is the last place that Eddie wants to be—he needs to focus on his career, and his tour—not looking after a kid that he doesn’t even know yet.

Crossing paths with his high school sweetheart, Evan Buckley, who’s now a Deputy with the sheriff’s office just might change all of that, reminding Eddie of the person that he used to be… and the kind of person that he wants to be.

Read the whole thing here: AO3 LINK

*

The thing about being a musician and wrapping up a big tour is that it makes the time afterward to unwind and let loose even more rewarding. Taking the time to ground himself before hitting the road again has become essential for Eddie, an integral part of his process. 

This time, there’s no unwinding. As soon as the last concert in the tour ended, he boarded a red-eye flight from Los Angeles into Houston. And he’s tired, a feeling that’s not exactly foreign to him, but he feels weary down to his bones. He’s headed back to West River, Texas, about fifteen minutes outside of Austin, where he was born and raised.

A place he hasn’t as much as set foot in for nine years.

Eddie blinks blearily as he pulls his rental car up to the drive-through at Dunkin for a much needed coffee. He’s within an hour of West River, but he’s going to need something to power through the last hour of his drive as the sun is beginning to rise over the expanse of otherwise deserted small-town Texas that surrounds him.

It’s so quiet out here that it’s almost unnerving.

“Good morning, sir. That’ll be $3.27.” The dark-haired girl at the drive-through window can’t be more than eighteen. 

“Morning.” He holds out his phone so that she can scan his payment.

“Aren’t you…” She trails off slowly, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Eddie adjusts the trucker hat that he’s wearing, despite the fact that the sun hasn’t become a hindrance yet. He’d put the hat on before he pulled up to the drive-through only a couple of minutes ago. He knows that he’d be nowhere without the support of his fans, but he’s exhausted. He just wants to get to his abuela’s so that he can fall into bed. He’s tempted to drag a hand over his face and beg for his coffee.

“Eddie Diaz.” He introduces himself with a winning smile. He’ll try to find time to rest later. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Rosie. I-I can’t believe I’m preparing Eddie Diaz’s coffee. Nobody is going to believe me,” Rosie practically squeals, her face flushed as she fumbles with scanning his phone. “Here, um,” she steps away from the drive-through window momentarily and comes back with a pastry bag along with his coffee. Simple like always: black, with 2 sugars. “For the road. Gone Now really helped me through a hard time, when I lost my grandpa—and you wrote it about yours.”

Eddie’s smile becomes more genuine as he takes the coffee and muffin from the girl. He’s sure he looks like a mess, with blood-shot eyes and bags under his eyes. “I think most people have forgotten about that song. That was on my debut album.” He’d written that song what feels like a lifetime ago.

Like he was a different person back then than he is now. He supposes that in some ways, he was.

“I was only thirteen when it came out,” Rosie says. “I hope you make more songs like that. Your new stuff is great, but… that’s definitely my favorite. Anyhow, I won’t keep you, I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“I do,” Eddie confirms, reaching over into the top of his duffel bag that’s resting on the passenger seat. “It was really nice to meet you, Rosie.” He hands her one of the signed albums that he carries with him, a simple thank you that he likes to have for those truly special fans. “It’s not my debut album, but I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Eddie offers her a parting wave as he pulls away, and tosses the hat that was his poor attempt at disguise onto the passenger seat. He takes several sips from the steaming coffee, then sets it in the cupholder, wincing as the heat nips at his tongue, hoping that the caffeine will help keep him alert for the rest of the drive home.

Before he pulls onto the road, he scrolls through his phone, pulling up his debut album on Spotify and pressing play, a wistful smile crossing his face. He’s trying to put a little space between him and the reason that he’s coming home to West River; Rosie’s words remind him, at least for a moment, why he started making music in the first place. He hears the familiar opening chords and pulls out onto the quiet road.

There was a time when not a single day

Went by without us talking

And now I can barely remember your face

We’d spend hours weaving words

And guitar notes together

Just you and me in the music’s embrace

But you’re gone now, you’re gone

All those moments lie six-feet deep in the ground

You’re gone now, you’re gone

I keep missing you ‘cause you’re not around

He knows he can’t live in this world of make-believe for long. He can’t pretend that what matters is his connection to the music anymore—he stopped writing his own music long ago. But it’s nice to remember, even if those moments are fleeting.

*

Eddie pulls into the same gravel driveway that he used to skid his bike tires on as a kid. His abuela still lives in the same house she did back then, only a few doors down from his childhood home. His parents moved an hour north about five years ago. Eddie’s stomach flops a bit, and he tries not to dwell on how little he talks to them these days, or their lack of support over the years.

 He drags himself out of the rental car and grabs his bag out of the passenger side, leaving the rest of his luggage in the trunk. Before he can even make his way up the short drive, his abuela steps out onto the porch.

Eddie yawns into the crook of his elbow, then makes his way up to her. “Hey, Abuela,” he murmurs, pecking her on the cheek.

“Eddie,” Abuela says. She welcomes him with a crushing embrace, and he smiles as he hugs her back. She pulls back just enough that he can see a fire in her eyes; he already knows what that means, so he remains silent until she spits it out. “You were supposed to call me back so I knew you were doing alright.”

“I told you I have you listed as my emergency contact. If anything happens to me you’ll be the first one they call,” Eddie teases with a laugh.

“Edmundo,” she scolds, swatting his arm, and he watches as her jaw tenses under his name.

“Okay,” Eddie acquiesces. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be more cautious next time and call you. But Houston to West River isn’t a long drive.”

“Shannon—”

“Can we talk about this later?” Eddie asks. “I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I just need a couple of hours and then I promise we’ll talk, okay?”

“But, Eddie—” Despite the fact that he’ll probably be reamed for not turning his full attention to her, Eddie pushes the door open and steps inside. He stops in his tracks as his eyes catch sight of the figure who’s settled at the table, and his duffel bag drops to the floor. He feels abuela’s hand on his shoulder. “This is—”

The pretending is over.

“This is Christopher, your son.”

*

Eddie knew coming back home to West River wasn’t going to be a vacation in any sense of the word. He knew what would be waiting for him; baggage so heavy that it had the ability to destroy his entire career. The dream that he’d risked everything for, that he’d given up everything for.

This is Christopher, your son.

Abuela’s words echo in his ears.

Sure, there had been a few phone calls beforehand, warning Eddie of the kid’s existence after Shannon had shown up at Abuela’s with the boy. That hadn’t prepared him for this moment at all.

What the fuck is he going to do?

The temptation to drop by the hole-in-the-wall bar downtown to take the edge off is there. Instead, he tells Abuela he has to take care of some things and he disappears. He just needs to drive around for a little bit to clear his head. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do.

A kid will ruin everything.

How could Shannon keep this kid to herself for years, not mention a word of his existence, and then just drop him off and leave like he’s somehow now Eddie’s responsibility?

Eddie unrolls the window, letting the evening air hit his face as his foot presses down more firmly on the gas pedal.

Take care of it. You only have a few months until the tour.

Fuck all of this.

These backroads are so familiar, and there’s something comforting in driving down them late at night, when the rest of the town is quiet. It reminds him of those late nights when he and Buck would—

Eddie stops his thoughts short, the ache in his chest just as familiar as these roads. Buck.

What are the chances that in a town of a few thousand people he won’t run into Evan Buckley? That’s even if he still lives here. Eddie shakes the notion from his head, refusing to allow himself to get nostalgic about the past. A past that revolved around Buck.

Right now, he needs to focus on how he’s going to fix his life—before it becomes a public relations disaster.

Pressing down on the gas harder, Eddie gets lost in the feeling of the cool night air hitting his face, saving him from his downward spiral and memories of Buck.

Unfortunately, the moment is short lived. Red and blue lights flash in his rearview mirror amidst the otherwise stark darkness of the night. With a sigh, he pulls over to the shoulder of the road.

*

Buck climbs out of the cruiser and closes the door, walking up to the driver’s side of the out-of-state car. “Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” He quickly scans the inside of the vehicle, assessing if there are any passengers that he needs to be aware of before settling his sight on the driver.

Of all the people he could’ve had the unfortunate task of pulling over tonight, somehow it’s Eddie Diaz. He studies Eddie’s face, tipping his head to the side as his identity registers with Eddie. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Buck.”

It’s like he took the words right out of Buck’s mouth, because really, what are the fucking chances? After nine years Eddie somehow still has the ability to make Buck’s heart thunder in his chest merely by saying his name. His jaw tightens as he looks at the country music star in front of him.

“It’s Deputy Buckley,” Buck tells Eddie, his voice tight. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“This has to be an actual nightmare,” Eddie mutters, though Buck’s sure at this point that he’s talking to himself.

“License and registration.”

“Evan—”

“I said, license and registration. Don’t make me ask again. I’m going to suggest that you actually listen this time if you don’t want to end up in jail for the night.”

Eddie’s mouth snaps shut at Buck’s words. “I’m gonna grab the registration from the glove compartment.” He opens the glove box and hands over the paperwork, along with his license.

“Yeah, didn’t think you’d want that news story,” Buck mutters as he takes the documents and inspects them. He obviously knows that it’s Eddie, and he already ran the plates and knows that it belongs to a rental in Houston. He hands the paperwork back to Eddie. “Watch your speed, because next time I’m not going to be this nice,” Buck warns.

“This is nice?” Eddie actually has the audacity to laugh at him. “Seems more like you’re Deputy Dick to me.”

Buck’s lips press together into a tight line. He’s used to not being well liked while on the job—but it feels harsher coming from Eddie. “You know, I could still take you in tonight, if that’s what you want.”

Eddie shrinks under the words, and what he says next sounds sincere. “You know that’s not what I want.”

The same words that Eddie had said to him all those years ago, at the end. Buck feels his chest fracture down the middle, a reprise of the heartbreak that Eddie left in his wake.

He forces himself to school his expression despite the way he’s feeling. “Have a good night, Eddie.”

He doesn’t wait for Eddie to respond, turning sharply on his heels and walking away from the man that’s had his heart all along.

*

“You know, I don’t really think that this qualifies as guys’ night,” Buck says as he looks across the card table at Chimney, taking a sip of the lemonade in front of him. 

 Chim raises his brow a little, glancing in the direction of the living room. “You’re my brother-in-law,” Chim says, “and I’m not sure how to say this delicately, so I’m just gonna say it. If there’s one Buckley I’m trying to make happy right now, it’s not you, Buck. I’m trying to get in her good graces after the bottle rocket incident.”

Josh snorts from where he’s sitting, bringing the beer up to his lips.

“I’m not going to be the one to tell my wife that she needs to leave so we can have a proper guys’ night,” Chim adds.

“You would never say something to Maddie, and not just about guys’ night,” Josh challenges, his brows shooting up.

“I’m sorry, was that a complaint I just heard? Because I’m pretty sure that the last time you hosted a card night your mom showed up,” Chim points out.

“And Buck’s place—”

“Has constant interruption. I know, I know.” Buck rolls his eyes dramatically. “Are you gonna deal us in, or what?”

“Mads, were you gonna join us?” Chim calls helpfully into the other room, and Buck glares at him.

Maddie lifts herself off of the couch and walks out to the dining room table where they’re all situated, grabbing the bowl of chips from the counter and pulling up an empty seat. “I don’t want to play, but I’d love to talk to you guys.”

They really need to start finding different circles of friends, at least for nights like tonight. It’s not as if Buck’s going to tell his pregnant sister to go away, so instead he smiles. “We’d love it if you talked to us, Mads.”

“Really?” She grins, and Chim looks at Buck gratefully. “So, I heard a rumor that Eddie’s back in town.”

“Pick a different subject.”

“He’s back in town and got pulled over by West River’s youngest and brightest the other night,” Chim says.

Just the mention of Eddie’s name is an unwanted reminder that he’s back in town, at least temporarily. The fact that this wasn’t a figment of Buck’s imagination sends his brain into overdrive. There’s been some speculation over the reason for his return, and Buck has done everything in his power to stay squarely on the outside of those conversations.

He’s made it clear to his family and friends since Eddie left town that there is one topic that he refuses to discuss: Eddie Diaz. A lot of the locals were around Eddie growing up, and having someone that’s famous from their small hometown is something to talk about—especially when there’s a new tour that’s announced, or when Eddie is working on a new album.

But his friends? They know that it’s a hard and fast rule, and bringing it up on guys’ night is a definite foul. 

“Guys,” Buck manages as evenly as he can muster. “Talk about something else.”

A tense silence falls over the room, and for a minute Buck refuses to look up, knowing the pity that crosses their faces any time that someone brings up Eddie. He’s tried to hide his heartbreak behind indifference, but he’s not naive enough to believe that any of them buy it. Most of them had front-row seats as they watched Buck’s hopes and dreams shatter to the ground around him, leaving a hollow shell behind.

Finally he looks up.

“Can we make an exception this one time, Ev?”

“Maddie. I don’t talk about— about this, and you know that.”

Maddie’s hand covers his, her touch light, her tone equally calm and even. “You know, this has a name.”

“Why are you bringing him up now? You know I moved on from him a long time ago.”

It’s as if Chim and Josh aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table, trying to avoid the line of fire. Even if Maddie is officially a Han now, nobody wants to get obliterated during a battle of the wills between the siblings.

“This is guys’ night,” Buck reminds her. “The one night of the week that I can unwind and relax. Instead you’re here and dredging up a past that died years ago.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I was a kid. Just a stupid kid. There’s nothing else to say. We were together and then we weren’t. He has his life now, and I have mine.”

“Maybe that’s true, but you never did move on, not really. He’s in town for who knows how long, so maybe it’d be a good chance for the two of you to talk?”

“No, it wouldn’t. And, uh, thanks for ruining tonight,” Buck mutters as he stands up from the table. This is the kind of interference he’d expect from their out-of-town parents, always assuming they know what’s best, but not from Maddie.

“Buck,” Chim warns, and Buck sighs again, shaking his head in frustration. Chim’s always been protective of Maddie, something that Buck’s always appreciated, especially after all that she endured with Doug, but tonight feels like the exception.

“I’m gonna head home.”

“Buck, you really don’t have to go,” Josh says helplessly.

He attempts a smile for what Josh is trying to do—slapping a bandage on the evening, trying to piece everything back together. Buck shakes his head. “I think it’s for the best if I go.”

Buck says his goodbyes and hops into his Jeep, driving home. He knows that Maddie has the best of intentions, and that she cares about him with her whole heart, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

When he arrives home he notices there are only a few lights left on in the house, and that the porch light is on for him. 

“You’re home awful early,” Carla says as soon as he makes his way inside, barely looking up from the little girl that’s propped against her side.

He shrugs a little, not wanting to get into all of the details of how the night quickly spiraled out of control in a way that was just too much for him to handle. “I couldn’t stand the time away from her.”

“Mhm,” Carla says in her knowing way, and Buck’s thankful that she doesn’t say more than that. She knows enough about his past with Eddie, but she’s always stayed out of that part of his life.

Buck toes off his shoes, crossing the room then and scooping Lucy up in his arms. “Hey baby,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“She insisted I read her three stories out here and not in her bed because she was ‘not tired yet, Carla’.”

Buck chuckles at her words, feeling Lucy squirm in his arms before she settles again. She rests her head against his shoulder and he hoists her up higher so that she can curl into him. In a world where everything else is imperfect he’s able to come home and hold a little piece of perfection in his arms. Their lives have been far from easy, and there isn’t a day that Buck doesn’t wish he could be more for her.

He’s doing his best to make up for the huge piece missing from her life—the absence of her mother. Every day she helps him remember that there is more than heartbreak and loss, that sometimes there’s hope, too. He has to hold on to that.

“I’m gonna head out,” Carla says, kissing the back of Lucy’s head and giving Buck a sideways hug before leaving.

Buck walks down the hallway, glancing at Lucy’s bedroom door and then pivoting, walking across the hall to his own room and laying the sleeping girl down on the pillows, covering her with the sheet and comforter. He gets ready for bed and lies on top of the covers beside her. He knows he shouldn’t make a habit out of this and he won’t, but tonight he needs the physical proof.

He hasn’t lost everything, because he still has Lucy.