#and one of them is friends we a guy from another dept that usually helps us put with x system

[chillinonsundays]

not to be dramatic but today i experienced what was probably the most embarrassing moment of my work life, and it wasn’t even work related.

[hermit-god-au-pog]

[OLD AND MAY BECOME NON-CANON LATER ON] Got some short stories for ya’ll!

After much struggle i managed to think of some more lore based prompts for some short stories! They’ll be under the cut!

One of a conversation between Helsknight and EvilXisuma, the other of an interaction between TFC and GeminiTay! What can i say im a sucker for these two. The stuff is only slightly proof-read by myself so sorry for any mistakes in grammer or if things sound weird lol

Anyway, I hope ya’ll enjoy! And if i need to add any tw’s just say! I dont think i will though! Long post under the cut though

EX&Hels have a conversation

“So let me get this straight,” Helsknight sat up in his seat and leaned on the table between the two” You’re not considered a hels hermit at all?” Evil Xisuma rolls his eyes but chuckles at the other, he doesn’t blame him for not knowing, hell the only ones who probably knew were him and Grian’s little buddies.

“No, I am not a hels hermit like you. But, I work very similarly. Me personally, I’m the axolotl’s evil clone according to my code. But, and I can’t speak for the others, I still fill up the role of why a hels is created.” Helsknight slowly blinked at the other and rose an eyebrow.

“What is that supposed to mean exactly?” Evil X let out a snort at the other’s question.

“Well basically, Hels exist for one reason, to keep the gods, or hermits as we know them, in check. Granted they’re all too nice to do anything we’d do, but the point still stands. Hels are here to counteract the hermits, and the Axolotl doesn’t have a hels per say because I exist. But that’s not stopping the void from making a hels version if need be.” Helsknight leaned back and crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Evil X.

“Ok, so because you already existed, the void didn’t make a counterpart for the admin. But what do you mean it could make another? Why would we need a third Xisuma?” Evil X tapped his chin as he thinks of what he should say.

“Well, let’s just say the void has already planned for that” Helsknight could feel the shit-eating grin the other was giving him. But Evil X gestures to another person in the room. Helsknight, begrudgingly, decided to look, and see’s what the other was talking about. There was a turtle Xisuma sitting at a bar, but he looked almost vacant, like an NPC almost.

“Now, I’ve never talked to that guy, and based on the interactions they’ve had with others, he’s entirely just a placeholder, an NPC ready to be coded into action.” Helsknight turned back to Evil X who was looking at him now.”But unless something happens to me, I keep the role of a ‘hels counterpart’ even though I’m not a hels.” Blinking, helsknight picked up his drink, downing the rest of its contents, this was a very weird conversation they were having but, informative. Then something struck him.

“You said something about others earlier” Evil X feigned innocence and confusion, making helsknight growl.

“Earlier this conversation! You said ‘ But, and I can’t speak for the others, I still fill up the role of why a hels is created’. There are others who aren’t technically hels hermits on the server?” Evil X snorted then started laughing. Helsknight slammed his hands on the table and stood up.

“No! I’m serious! Who the hell are the others?!” After Evil X got done with his laughing fit, he pretended to wipe away some tears.

“You really are dense my friend” before the other could reply, Evil X continued” The only ones I personally know of, are actually Grian’s-”

“You said that using plurals, does Grian seriously have 2?” Helsknight looked at the other bewildered as he nodded.

“Indeed he does my friend. I don’t entirely understand it myself. One calls themself NpcGrian, or NPG for short, the other one calls themself Robot Grian or RG for short. And between us, RG is definitely the eviler and smarter one of the two. He’s probably the one considered the hels version.” Helsknight slumped back in his seat and rubbed his temple, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Alright, to get away from that confusing topic, you said hels were made to counter the gods?” Evil X nodded.

“Yee-p” popping the p at the end, Evil X leaned forward.” All the gods being together in one space can be seen as quite a dangerous predicament, and if they ever decided to team up and rise up for some reason, no one would know before it’s too late. So to try and stop that, keep the gods on their toes and aware, the hels were made. You were one of the first to become sentient and seek out your counterpart actually”

Helsknight looked at the other for a moment then realized something. Something that didn’t settle right with him.

“How do you know all of this information? I’m pretty sure not even Xisuma knows this crap.” Hels rose an eyebrow as the other’s expression got darker behind the mask he wore.

“Let’s just say, being locked in the void for ages gives you some free time. And the ability to look through your and your clone’s codes, even though I was never able to edit them.” Huh, well that made sense.

TFC helps Gem out/aka being a god is overwhelming

    Sometimes, to really appreciate the world you live in, you just gotta walk around. Taking in the sights of what the world holds and what your fellow hermits have made. And honestly, TFC is usually blown away by how talented the hermits are. He may not be much of a builder himself, but he’s happy they’ve kept him along the way nonetheless. Little ol’ miner TFC, walking amongst godly builders, figuratively and literally.

    Sometimes on TFC’s walks, he’ll come across other hermits, not often, but it’s always pleasant when he does. TFC admits, he should get out to talk to the others more, but he can’t help it. The mines make him feel at home. But today, walking into one of the newer hermits areas, he had a bad feeling in his gut.

    Deciding to stray from the path TFC decided to look around the area, a bit more in dept. And low and behold, once getting close to one of the new hermits custom trees, he heard soft, stifled crying. Like they were trying to cover it up. Eyes softening, TFC went over to the home next to this wonderful tree and knocked, before letting himself peek inside.

    GeminiTay sat in the corner, her head snapped up and it was obvious how overwhelmed and tired she looked. TFC gave a slight smile and walked inside, closing the door gently. Gemini watched tensely as TFC walked over, his pickaxe he used as a cane clicking with every step. But, TFC sat down next to her and softly asked.

    “Would physical touch help this situation or worsen it?” Seeing Gemini’s tears starting to well up more, TFC opened his arms, offering her a safe space. And she took it. Gemini scrambled to get up and hug the other. She didn’t know why his presence felt so...comforting, but it did, and once she started the hug, the floodgates were let loose. She couldn’t hold back her tears even if she tried.

    TFC held the young girl close, gently rubbing circles into her back as her whole frame shook and twitched. TFC did notice the leaves that moved like butterflies flying about in the home. He semi-watched them as he comforted the hermit in his arms, taking notes on the situation.

    Once TFC heard the girls’ cries soften and as her body became less shaky, he decided to start talking.

    “I understand if you’re too overwhelmed to talk right now, but was this panic caused by some aspect of your godly nature?” TFC waited patiently, and when he felt a soft nod on his shoulder he let out a little sigh.

    “You are one of the newest gods in general, not even to the server, have you been taught anything more than the basics yet?” a small shake of her head.”So you’re not yet in tune with who you are and the powers you possess, and due to that, something within you snapped, and you started hearing noises or voices, am I correct?” TFC could feel Gem tense like he had just read her mind, but she gave a soft nod. TFC looked around at the leaf butterflies, more seem to have gathered.

    “Are the voices still present? Have they gotten any louder or more intense?” With the soft nod, TFC was starting to understand a bit more. Gently sitting Gemini up, he made the corner they were in into a cozy one full of blankets and pillows. 

    Gemini then watched, rubbing her slightly puffed-up eyes, as TFC started to gather the leaf butterflies. Once he got a good amount he gently set them free outside. And the more he let go, the less overwhelmed Gemini felt. Once most of the creatures were out TFC made his way back over and sat across from Gemini.

    “Ready to talk?” Gemini nodded, sniffling and wiping away any stray tears. Taking a deep breath Gemini starts talking.

    “So...So I was just doing my normal routine, today I decided to do some enchanting. But then my tree, my /tree/ started talking to me and I got confused. So I went over and put a hand on the tree.”Gemini paused, breath hitching again. TFC gently held one of her hands, reassuring her to take her time. After catching her breath, Gem continued.

    “And..And then I...And then I heard all these voices and cries. Some were asking me for help, some were..thanking me? Some were crying, some cheering...But they all came at once and I couldn’t shut them off. Then I started hearing more despair than anything else and I... I couldn’t do it. My body got all fuzzy! And my eyes got blurry but different from tear blur. I felt my body...change. And so I ran in here. And I only started to feel my body go back to normal shortly before you came..” Gem panted softly when she was done, her tears back and starting to fall again. She was looking down at her feet.

    But when she felt a soft big hand on her cheek, whipping away her tears, she looked up. TFC gave her a gentle smile, a reassuring one, and, it honestly helped her more than she would have thought.

    “That my dear was your body being forced into its godly form. Every god has one, but most prefer not to be in them, as they can be taxing after long uses. But they’re nothing to be afraid of. You just went into it unwillingly.” Gemini nods softly, following along so far.”And if you would like, I can help you learn how to go into it and out of it, at will. I’ll do it with you.”

Gemini thought about it for a while. She didn’t know how long, but TFC never rushed her into deciding, only waiting patiently, giving her time to think. But, if she learned how to control that form, maybe it would be less frightening if this ever happened again. Gem then looked at TFC and gave a quick nod.

“Yea, ok. I, I want to learn how to control this...godly form of mine. But you’ll do it with me right?” TFC nodded and scooted so that they bot sat criss-cross, knees touching each other. TFC then gently held both of her hands.

“Ok, to start off with, think of why you became a god, and what you’re the god of. Think of what that means to you.” Gem nodded, closing her eyes as she held TFC’s hands. Furrowing her brows a bit Gemini thought.

Thought of the event that lead her to be a god, why she did what she did. She thought of what that event meant to her and why she would do it again. And she felt the tension in her shoulders released. Gem then thought of what it meant to be the goddess of the forest, what the responsibility and future actions might hold for her.

“Good, you’re doing great” TFC’s voice rang through her ears.”Now hold onto that feeling, clutch onto it, cherish it. Once you’ve done that, let go. Let yourself feel your body change, let it morph and melt into something new.”

Taking one more deep breath, Gem followed his instructions. The feeling her ‘job’ gave her, the hope she had for herself, and so on, she held it close to her heart, and let herself stop caring about the mortal plane for a bit. And she felt herself change. Like what happened earlier, but less jarring and harsh. She felt her body almost melt, felt it slither around while being on one spot. The feeling wasn’t unpleasant like it was before. It felt like shifting over in bed, something familiar.

“There we go, you’ve done it, you can open your eyes.” Cautiously, Gem opened her eyes, and instead of being met with the soft grandpa from before, there was a whole new person. They looked like TFC but also now. They had more sharp edges and the particles of different ores around them were very present, and they radiated the energy of a god. He reached over and cupped her cheek.

“How do you feel?” Gemini thinks, she looked down at her new self, realizing how much bigger the two were now. She looked at all the leaf butterflies, not being as scared of them now. She felt power coursing through her, the whispered of the plants and tree’s outside. But now that she’s not in her panicked state, it was a lot more comforting. Gem felt a soft smile form over their lips. Looking up at TFC she felt warmth in her chest.

“Now that I’m not panicking, it feels nice. It feels warm, and I feel stronger.” TFC nods, looking pleased.

“Now, let’s go back to normal shall we?” Gem nods and puts her head down, closing her eyes again.

“Now, recognize your form, recognize the power coursing through you. Hold that feeling, and imagine yourself tucking it away for later. Let yourself relax and let your body morph once more” And once again, Gem tried her best to follow along.

And next time she opened her eyes, the normal TFC sat in front of her. Looking down at herself, Gem saw her she was back to normal. Smiling Gem leaped up to hug TFC. Hugging back TFC gently pet her hair.

“Now, let’s get you to bed, You need some rest after all that. Tomorrow we’ll talk more about this stuff ok?” 

And with that, TFC and Gem got comfy in the small comfort fort TFC had made and Gem fell asleep. During the afternoon Bdubs came to see gem, but finding her and TFC sleeping, he just smiled fondly and closed the door quietly. Informing the server not to disturb the two for the rest of the night and left the sleeping duo to rest

[damselofblueroses]

The Name of the Rose

Summary: Your study-buddy Doh Kyungsoo comes with you for a long-awaited trip to Tokyo, Japan. There is a tension between you, however both of you decided to build a friendship instead of a relationship.

Content: Unestablished relationship, AU, Hurt/Comfort, Anger, Slight Violence, Emotional Complications and Healing.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story was inspired by D.O.’s album, Empathy, the album of 2021 in my opinion. It is an ongoing mini project, I planned to write it as a one-shot when I started, however I realized there are a lot to say about Empathy Era and I cannot stop shut my mouth, or prevent myself from writing… So, here we go.

Second chapter, the Hunter and the Goddess is out :)

Word Count: 3.6k

Chapter 1: The Hunter and the Gazelle

Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus.

You were excited.

No, it was not the correct word to be used. You were hyperactive, more than your usual self, and God knows that everyone could testify on how hectic your personality was. According to your family and very close friends, you were a walking catastrophe, funny but a fucking tease and potentially dangerous for environment.

And now, as you had been waiting for your flight, you could not manage to even stay still. Your hands were everywhere, you proved yourself again by dismantling your tote bag as poor thing was on your lap and you were playing with it unconsciously.

“Enough.” you heard your companion’s baritone voice tone. “If you will continue like this, you have to buy your belongings again in Japan. Do you have that much money?”

He reached to you and took the bag from your lap. For a second, his fingers brushed your thighs, and you lost your concentration during that fucking second.

Focus! you told yourself.

“I can always lend some money from you.” you cocked one of your eyebrows. “What? Will you bare me from some bucks?”

“Yes.” he was always plain and simple. On the contrary of you. “Unless if it is not a necessary. I am not a guy of sharing.”

What type of guy you are, can you give me a demonstration?

Your trip to Japan made you very excited, but you had to confess at least to yourself in the depts of your mind. What made you frenzied was the presence of your companion.

Doh Kyungsoo.

Your long-term study-buddy. Actually, he was more than a study-buddy, he was a kind of your comfort zone, even though you never express your opinions about him. You have known each other for almost 7 years since the last year of bachelor. Both of you continued your ways in academic world and you were currently being Ph.D. candidates.

To be honest, he never lose his impacts on you. You had a sweet spot for him since almost the beginning of your friendship which made him more than a study-buddy. It did not mean that you were restraining yourself from having dates time to time, but all of them were ended up with the same result.

They were clever and handsome guys, but they were not Doh Kyungsoo.

Sometimes you could not help but wonder, how it would be if you did not meet him as a friend? Could you two manage having a relationship as your best friend, Baekhyun, supported like a bloody zealot? Or one of you would give up as your brother, Jongdae, always believed?

“Hey!” you heard Kyungsoo’s voice and jumped off from the bench. “Come back to your senses or we are going to miss the plane.”

“And you are going to take its money from me.” your murmured inside of your mouth but obliged to what he said by starting to walk. He was generally quiet during flights, but you knew his mouth will not be shut when you will visit the restaurants he wanted to try.

He does not come for Tokyo, he comes for fucking eels, octopuses, or crabs. Kyungsoo and his appetite.

“Naturally.” he approved your words on money, but there was a ghost of smile on his lips. “Since you are the one who became a sleeping beauty.”

Do you think I am beautiful?

This was another problem you had. With Kyungsoo, you were so relaxed, and you felt extremely safe, so you did not need to control yourself as you generally did. Of course, it was a good omen for your friendship, as much as you were sure Kyungsoo never lied to you, it was also a disadvantage on your part, because sometimes you wanted to ask some questions that should be remained in silence.

“If we would be fairy tales,” you smirked. “I would be Belle while you are the Beast.”

“Fine by me.” he shrugged his shoulder. “He is a very good guy. I am happy for Belle; she understands the assignment. You would not most probably.”

“Sweetheart, you are slow to catch the signs.” you playfully smacked his shoulder when you reached to the control point. You thought he would be annoyed, but he stopped and seriously gazed at you. You shivered and wondered why he was looking at you like he wanted to say something.

“What?” you inhaled.

“Since when I am slow to catch the signs?” he pressed on every word of his sentence, and to your dismay he used that voice tone, almost a whisper but goddamn strong. “Give me an example.”

You shuttered down, and this was the last problem you had with Kyungsoo, he was the only one who could make your brain stop working especially in times when the occasion calls for full-speed devilish progress. You just stared at him and shrugged your shoulder.

“Eh Soo,” you murmured. “You missed a lot of beautiful girls, right?”

Your response was so weak even to your ears. If Chanyeol, number two best friend of you, could hear your words, he would burst into laughs by hitting everyone beside him. You could imagine Junmyeon’s disgusted face as a plus.

“I did not miss anyone, my dear.” he chuckled. “Let me rephrase, anyone I want just one exception, but exceptions do not ruin the calculation in your famous mindset.”

When he chuckles, you can feel your blood tension rocks your body. His heart shaped lips does something to you, and you do not want to name it.

“Exceptions run the world, Doh.” you tried to push him to elaborate his words a little bit more. “Who is that lucky girl who run away from you?”

“That’s my secret.” he smirked and put his hand onto your waist in order to led you the controller lady. “Show your passport, I do not want to wait here forever.”

Who was the girl he mentioned? You could not help but started to feel anxious, how much you tried to press your instincts and feelings, whenever he mentioned a girl, there would be a dire need of crying in the pit of your stomach. You took a deep breathe and followed his instruction. While you were walking into the inside of plane, you struggled with the sudden sadness. You wanted to tear that off yourself, so you reminded yourself the splendid trip ahead you. You found your place and processed to sit down.

“May I help?” Kyungsoo asked you but he already fetched your belongings and placed them correctly. You smiled to him and sat down.

How could you meet someone like him? He was a little bit grumpy sometimes, a person who could give unexpected reactions, but he was reliable, kind, lovely and always thoughtful of his environment. You did not want to lose him. You never want to lose him, on the contrary, you want to keep him in your life until the very end. You could not think a life without Kyungsoo, you always desire him to stay your side.

You were pretty sad, you had to admit, and there was regret. You were regretful on your decision to not go further with him, you wished you could be braver and tell him about your feelings for him. How much you were confused because of him, how many days and nights you spent sleepless because of him. To make the things more complicated, you had zero idea about how he would be responded your confession if you pull yourself together and manage to do. For once, you heard his cousin Minseok talked about you by saying you were very important for Kyungsoo, however you did not know in which extent you were important for him.

You two were always closed to each other, you spent almost 3 or 4 days together, you were living in the same campus, your departments were close to each other. He was a huge part of your life, that’s one of the reasons why you were hopelessly trying to conceal your inappropriate feelings for Kyungsoo. The idea of losing his extremely valuable presence was the only scenario could make you sob.

“Am I the only one who is very uncomfortable?” he whispered to your ear and made your stomach twisted. You could kill him for this, but he was not aware of how he affected you. “You are deadly silent.”

“No, I am just thinking.” you run away from him like an Olympic athlete. “About the trip. I am very excited.”

“If you are,” he flinched your forehead. “You have to talk non-stop. You are silent when something bothers you, what are you hiding from me?”

“Nothing, Soo.” you found a smile from somewhere and presented to him. “You know I never find the chance of visiting Japan; I am really overwhelmed.”

“So, speak to me.” he grunted. “Do not act like I am not here.”

“Okey, okey.” you raised your hands to air. “Sorry for that.”

“I start to feel like I am disturbing you.” he turned his head to the Name of the Rosethat he was reading. Umberto Eco, he had a taste for everything of course. “I asked you twice if you are okey with going to Japan with me.”

You could laugh if you were not so tense since he mentioned girls.

“And I told you this is okey, Soo.” you pinched his upper arm. “You are a good companion for trips.”

“Only for trips?” he asked. What the fuck was wrong with Kyungsoo today? He was behaving weird, and his questions made you more baffled. “I thought I am good companion for everything.”

You bit your lips in order to send back the sudden answer you wanted to give. Instead of declaring your ignorance about his performance on everything, you refined your words.

“You are a good friend, Soo and sorry for making you feel unwanted. I am happy you are coming with me.”

“Hm.” he hummed but he did not look like he was satisfied with your answer. You decided to not think about what the heck he wanted to hear, you also turned to your book that you were supposed to read since the departure. At least Pavese helped you to collect your mind till the plane landed in Narita Airport. He helped you while you two took a cab for the way, he was acting like his usual self, so you accused yourself because of searching hidden messages in his questions. You were such an idiot.

“I will be seeing you at dinner.” he waved his hand when you finished the registration process of the hotel you would be staying for the week. You were in front of the elevator. Both of you already decided to take a nap before dinner when you were planning the trip, so you approved his words and took your keys.

“See you.” you smiled and walked to your room. When you opened the door, your smile widened, the room is so light and minimalistic as you really liked. There was no crowded furniture, crazy designs, or unnecessary modifications. The walls were light blue, the furniture was white, and all looked very harmonious. There were plants and flowers, you immediately run to the flowers as you loved them more than anything else. The hotel staff managed to place even Sakura blossoms into the room that made your heart flattered and smoothed your nerves.

And there was only one blue rose, which was your favourite flower in the world. Just one, between a bouquet of daisies and it looked magnificent. You leaned to smell it while smiling as a little freak. You did not have to see your face; you knew how you looked like. Chanyeol always said that when you see a blue rose, you lost your shit. Another creature made you drunk in happiness was white butterflies. You had a sweet spot for blue roses and white butterflies.

And for Kyungsoo.

You grunted to yourself in your mind, and you headed to the bathroom by tapping your feet to the ground harshly. You were done with your obsession with Kyungsoo, it became something out of control, and you were tired of yourself at this point.

You had to live your goddamn life, you had to stop fucking fantasizing about your study-buddy.

You stripped out from your clothes and jumped into the shower. Cold water helped you to take the control of yourself, both as physical and emotional. You were okey, you were in bloody Japan as you always wanted, and you were going to fucking enjoy it. After shower, you threw yourself into the bed, tucked yourself inside the blanket and set the alarm for one hour later.

After one hour, you were swearing at yourself with your very glorious vocabulary because the only thing you did was fantasizing about Doh Kyungsoo.

“Did you rest?” he asked to you while you were leaving the hotel. You held your growl inside. “Did you take a nap?”

“I did not sleep but I leaned down for a while, so it was good. You?”

“I slept like a baby. It was very interesting when you think I am more like an insomniac.”

“I guess, your insomnia is rubbing on me.” you grumbled. “Where are we going now?”

“Eh, at least something about me can rub on you.” he rolled his eyes, your chin was dropped due to his response. “There is a tiny noodle restaurant in Ebisu, but they are very famous. We are going to there.”

“Okey.” you nod and walked beside of him.

“You look very pretty.” he turned to you. “That dress looked very good on you.”

You instantly took a look on your navy, long dress. It was very comfortable, but also elegant and your fashion freak cousin persuaded you the colour and style gave you a

“Thank you.” you replied. “Sehun chose this for me, you know he is the chef kiss when it comes to fashion.”

“He did well.” he smiled. “How is Sehun by the way, I did not see him since ages. Did he come back from France?”

“No.” you pouted. You really missed your noisy cousin. “He just came to visit for a week, then came back to school. I am not sure if he will come back to be honest, he got some important invitations from European universities.”

“Very good.” Kyungsoo’s face was lit up. He was proud of Sehun. “I know you miss him, but he has a bright career ahead of him.”

“Yes, I know.” you also smiled. Thinking about your successful but extremely playful cousin made you happy. “I just worry about him.”

“Stop babying him.” Kyungsoo punched your arm as half serious half joke. “How old is he, 27?”

“Yeah.” you laughed. “I know I baby him very much, but we all do, Kyungsoo.”

“You are just one year older than Sehun.” he smirked. “Who is going to baby you?”

“Chanyeol.” you exhaled. Kyungsoo looked at you for a second, then both of you burst into laughs because it was well known that you also took care of Chanyeol and Baekhyun as well as Sehun. “Jokes aside, I am a strong and big girl, Kyungsoo, I do not need someone babying me.”

“Maybe you can start looking for a sugar daddy to baby you?” he cocked his eyebrows to you. “Before it is going to be too late?”

“Actually, I had some candidates in my pocket.” you devilishly beamed to him. “You have no idea.”

“Beg your pardon?” his face suddenly transformed from joy to deadpanned seriousness, and his smile was disappeared immediately. “I was joking.”

“I was not.” you blinked your eye. “Some people really proposed to me.”

“For being your sugar daddy?”

“I know I am very little in your eyes, Kyungsoo” you took a deep breathe before continuing. “But here the breaking news: some people could find me attractive.”

“We are not talk about usual dates or men.” he held your arm and turned you to himself. “If you receive this kind of proposes, you have to tell me.”

“Next time, I will report you so we can decide who is going to be my sugar daddy.” you poked his ribs while he burrowed his eyebrows and radiated a strong sense of discontent. “Come on Kyungsoo, I am not going to say yes to this type of proposes, what do you think about me?”

“We are always joking about this issue,” he looked like he was cursing beneath his breath. “But when it comes to you and Baekhyun, I always suspect if you are serious or not.”

“Sugar daddy is a joke.” you hissed. “Of course, it is a joke, I have no interest in having a sugar daddy.”

“What about the proposes? Are they real?”

“Well, they are.” you murmured. Suddenly, you felt like the table was turned and you just played your ace card too early. You felt like Kyungsoo’s eyes investigated your soul to the bits.

“How many?”

“Three.” you gave up. “One from faculty, two from outside.”

“Unethical son of bitches.” he lowly cursed and caught you off guard because he generally preferred to use more polite words, even if he was cursing. “Keep them away from yourself.”

“Oh really?” you teased him by hoping to break the strange tension between you and managed to put a little smile on his face.

“Stop mocking me.” he warned you but now he was smiling widely. His mouth became a heart again, this time you averted your eyes from his face.

“Who I am to dare mocking you?” you squeaked but it was fake.

“Oh, you mock me more than even that walking noisy machine Baekhyun.” he flicked his hand. “We have to stop at this station, Ebisu Garden Place is on the way.”

He put his hand onto your waist again, and you felt like electrocuted again. Every time he touched you, and unfortunately, he sporadically did, you felt like you are dying for more. More what? You were not sure what you really wanted from Kyungsoo, but you were certain on you were desperate for more of him.

More of him.

The bus was crowded, Kyungsoo led you to a little corner, and stayed in front of you. He could be a little bit protective when it came to crowded places since you were clumsy, he generally insisted to keep you close to himself in order to catch you, if you would lose your balance, so you did not surprise when he held your wrist.

What made your heart to do a perfect all kill type of somersault was his next move, his fingers did not stop on your wrist, on the contrary they moved into your palm and grasped your hand tightly. You raised your eyes to him, he never hold your hand, never ever.

“I want to be sure.” he whispered by catching your question before you ask. “Since both of us do not know the way, and the bus is full of passengers, this is more secure.”

“Ah.” This was the best of you at the moment. You quickly realized what the heck you said but Kyungsoo sometimes can be quicker than you.

“Why? Are you unsatisfied with the reason?” His dark brown eyes were shining, his perfume smelled fucking good and the proximity between your faces did not help you.

“Why should I be?” you had to be back to play as soon as possible. “I grant you the chance of holding my hand, that’s count as charity.”

He looked at your hand for a moment, and you saw a smile formed on his lips and instead of a sarcastic reply as you expected, his eyes shaped like a crescent and shined as the fucking moon itself during a cloudless, navy night.

“Thank you, your highness.” he genuinely smiled. “May I continue to hold your hand?”

“Why?” the tone of your question was full of surprise, sounded exceptionally strange.

“Because I want to feel you.” he simply answered, and he squeezed your hand a little bit more. “For once let me feel you by my side.”

You knew that your eyes blown up, your mind was playing some tricky and dangerous games with you, you lost your shit, and you were sure about you finally made yourself mad because of your platonic interest in Kyungsoo, but even if God himself would appear in the bus in order to stop you, that would be a fruitless attempt.

You held Kyungsoo’s hand.

If he wanted to feel you by his side, you could not refuse.

You never refuse Kyungsoo.

How could you?

He was the protagonist of your secret dreams, fantasies and your goddam powerful imagination.

He was your gazelle and you were chasing him since the first day you met.

[sunshinejihyun]

You’re Freaking Out || Jumin Han

Summary: A rich corporate heir can’t find the time to date so he hires a senior in college to be his fake girlfriend

Word Count: 3.7K

Masterlist

Opening your email, your eyes widened as you saw an email address that you hadn’t seen in over five years: hanjumin@crinternarional.com. Clicking on the email, your eyes started welling up with tears as you thought of the first day you had met Jumin Han.

You leaned against the bar, taking a sip of your shirley temple before leaning over to the tall, dark haired man dressed in a three piece suit next to you. Brushing your hand over his shoulder, the guy turned to you with a hesitant look in his eyes. “What are you doing hanging over here by the bar, all by yourself?” Your hand was now resting on his shoulder and his right hand on your waist. “Everyone’s staring at you, you could get anyone you want in this place if you were on the dance floor.”

“I’m here on official business: be the designated driver for my two idiot friends who are currently,” he gestured to the dance floor and there you saw a crowd surrounding two boys, one with bright red hair and one with blond hair, who were holding a small dance competition. “Acting like idiots.” You both giggled and you took that time to study the man. His smile was small but when he laughed his cheeks flushed. He was good looking but it was obvious he didn’t know it. “I’m Jumin, by the way.”

“MC.” You replied, staring at your new acquaintance just a little too long, making Jumin clear his throat awkwardly and scratch the back of his neck. “So, uh, Jumin. What do you do?”

It was a simple question, but when you asked, Jumin’s heart started racing. There was something different about you than other people. He wasn’t sure if it was because your gaze lingered on him longer than others–most people were intimidated by him–or if it was because you were at a bar on a Saturday night but instead of being out on the dance floor with a glass of whiskey, you were sitting at the bar drinking a shirley temple.

“I’m the director of C&R actually,” the man responded, shifting from foot to foot nervously. “What about you?”

“I’m a senior in college,” Jumin’s head whipped towards you and you rolled your eyes, sure of what was going to be his follow up question. “Don’t worry, I’m 23. Wanna check my ID?”

Jumin laughed and you found yourself wishing you could hear that sound again. “I’m good, thanks. Where do you go to college?”

“Oh, you know, around here.” You replied, giggling to yourself as you took another sip of your shirley temple.

“Okay, smartass.” Jumin’s head whipped towards the dance floor when he heard a scream and when you looked over as well, you had to bite your lip to stop the smile forming on your face. There, in the middle of the dance floor, was one of Jumin’s friends dancing butt naked and the other one was standing off to the side, obviously encouraging it. “Listen, I should probably drag their asses back to their house before they do something else they regret, but I’d love to see you sometime. Do you think I could get your number?”

“How do I know that if I give you my number, you’ll actually text or call? This could just be something you want to say to be nice and not hurt my feelings.” You replied, pulling your phone out of your pocket and unlocking it, holding up your phone number for Jumin to see.

After typing the number in his phone, Jumin stood up straighter and adjusted the dress jacket he was wearing. Looking you in the eyes, he winked with a slow smile. “Believe me when I say this,” he brought your hand up to his lips, gently brushing then against the top of your warm hand, and taking pride in seeing your cheeks coloring a dark red. “I’ll call.”

-

Two days later, you were sitting in an almost empty library at 00:45 working on math homework when your phone started to ring. Picking it up, you noticed it was a number with an area code near here but a number you didn’t recognize. “Hello?”

“Good, you’re awake.” The voice was soft and the man sounded tired. Your lips quirked up in a smile when you realized that it was Jumin on the other end. “I called you when I got out of work without thinking of the time.”

“I’m gonna be awake for a few more hours, I have homework to finish.” You replied, turning part of your attention back to the math problem you were trying to work through. “You wouldn’t happen to be good with pre-calc, would you?”

Jumin laughed on the other end. This laugh was low, almost like he had been talking too much today and now just wanted to let whatever else he had to say out of his body. “I mean, I took it. I can try to help you, on one condition.”

You bit the eraser of your pencil, a wide smile taking over your face. “And what’s that?”

Jumin cleared his throat and you heard rustling on the other end before his voice came back. “Meet me for coffee. I’ll send you the address.��

He clicked off of the call and you quickly packed up your stuff, heading out the door of the library and making your way to the coffee shop Jumin had selected: an all night cafe that was only a block away from your campus. Walking in the door, you immediately saw Jumin and your heart fluttered. Instead of being dressed nicely like the last time you saw him, this time he was wearing a simple long sleeve shirt and jeans, a baseball cap on his head covering what you can only presume to be messy hair.

“You know, I’ve heard coffee at 1 in the morning isn’t very good for you.” You smirked, leaning on the table that Jumin was sitting at. He looked up, a small smile crossing his face, the same smile that he had already given you multiple times, and he stood up, pulling out a chair for you to sit down.

“Well, you’re here. That’s gotta prove something. Maybe that you like doing things that are bad for you.” He remarked, a light blush dusting your cheeks. “What’s your coffee order?”

“Vanilla latte with coconut milk please. Extra sugar.” You made yourself busy by pulling out your phone, texting your roommate, where you were and if you didn’t come home by 3:30 to come looking for you.

Placing a hand on your shoulder, Jumin set your coffee on the table and you smiled gratefully at him. “There is a reason I asked you here today.”

You laughed quietly and took a sip of your coffee. “You don’t sugar coat it, do you?” Jumin was still looking at you intently, his grey eyes seeming like they could pierce your soul, and you sighed. “What is it?”

“You’re gonna think this is crazy and maybe it is but,” he sighed, looking into his cup of black coffee and you smiled softly at him, trying to encourage him. “What would you think about coming with me to a party sometime?” You stared at Jumin, your mouth hanging open for a moment before covering your mouth, a giggle escaping as Jumin looked back at you, looking more nervous than before. “I mean, more than a party.” He took a deep breath, reaching across the table to grab your hand. “MC, I’d like to help you pay for college, so that you aren’t swimming in loans when you’re done this year. And the only condition for that is that I ask you to come to work parties and events with me and pretend that we’re dating. I’ll pay for outfits for you to wear, you won’t have to spend a cent on this.”

Your breath caught in your throat and you couldn’t take your eyes off of Jumin. “Why me? You could get anyone you want for free. Hell, you could get me for free. Why help me pay for college?”

Jumin bit his lip, taking rubbing circles on your hand with his thumb. “I’m not good with relationships; work gets in the way too often. It’s hard to make dates. But, everyone at work wants me to settle down and my father is trying to arrange a marriage for me, so I figure that with this… arrangement, that you and I can both get what we need at the moment: someone who I can take out without any strings attached,” Jumin stopped and smiled sheepishly at you. “Besides the obvious one, of course. And, if you come with me to enough events, you’ll graduate with no dept.”

You sighed and pulled your hand away from Jumin, looking at him intently and noticing the way he was biting the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know about this,” you replied honestly and you saw his chest fall slightly. “What happens when I graduate and don’t need money?”

Jumin released his cheek and he cleared his throat. “Well if you wish, after you’re graduated, you could continue to join me as my dates at events. I would just pay you through paypal. Every time you come to an event, $800 get slipped into your account at the end of the night. That with a new outfit is easily $1,000 every time you come with me for a few hours.”

You laughed, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “This is all crazy.”

Jumin looked at you and smiled, his eyes crinkling as he made eye contact with you. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ with that statement.”

“But, I gotta say, Jumin. You make it pretty hard for someone to say no. Pampering them with new outfits and promising that they will graduate with no debt AND getting to spend a night on the arm of a really attractive guy? Count me in.”

Jumin’s eyes widened and you grinned at him as the realization of what you just agreed to dawned on him. “I promise you, you won’t regret this.”

The promise he made was good at first, he pampered you like  a princess and made you feel like one too.

“Are you ready for tonight?” Jumin asked, his hand brushing yours lightly as you handed him the bag containing a dress that he had bought you for your first outing as a ‘couple’. “I would usually just have ordered a dress for you from my tailor but I wanted you to pick one out that you’d be comfortable in.”

“Honestly, I’m a little nervous,” you admitted and he shot you a reassuring smile and pointed towards the food court.

“You hungry?” when you shook your head no, you and he continued on your way out of the mall. “You have nothing to be nervous about, MC. I’ll be there the entire time and all you have to do is smile and nod and try not to say anything too embarrassing about me.”

“So you wouldn’t like it if I shared how we bonded over our shared love of the Sherlock Holmes TV show?”

As his driver started the car, Jumin sent you a look that you could tell was him warning you that he was not amused. “And while you’re at it, you should also share that I love to sing karaoke. You know, if you’re planning on airing some of my dirty secrets.”

You playfully gasped, and clutched his arm slightly as he pulled out his phone. “You do?? How come we haven’t sang karaoke together?”

“Maybe someday,” he replied as the car pulled into your driveway. “I trust I can leave you to get ready by yourself? I’ll be back in three hours.”

“Oh, whatever will I do without you in that time?” You teased as you stepped out of the car. “Seriously, I’ll make myself look professional but hot at the same time; you won’t be able to keep your eyes off of me.”

“You wish,” Jumin called out his window as he pulled off and you found yourself blushing as you watched him go. Maybe he was right, maybe you did wish Jumin wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes off of you.

-

“So where are we going?” You asked as you settled in the back seat of Jumin’s car for the second time in the same day.

“We’re having a company party at a bar to celebrate opening a new pharmaceutical branch.” Jumin responded, eyes glancing over your body. “You look nice.”

“Thank you,” you blushed and Jumin smiled lightly to himself as he saw your cheeks flush pink. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

He didn’t respond, just watched as you fiddled with the radio and happily settled on a song he hadn’t heard since he was in high school, sitting in the back of his best friend, V’s, car and hiding out during lunch. After a moment of hearing you singing along to it, Jumin surprised you and himself by joining in with you and instead of either of you saying anything about it, you both continued to sing.

You weren’t a good singer, not by a long shot, and when Jumin started singing, you could tell that he wasn’t either, which made the whole thing so much better, especially since this was the most relaxed you’ve seen him since you met. His whole face lit up and he looked so carefree, not worrying about any paperwork he was supposed to be signing, or how you and he were going to pull off tricking his entire office tonight. He looked like he was supposed to: a 27 year old who wasn’t supposed to have worry lines covering his forehead yet.

“We’re here,” Jumin stated as the car rolled to a slow stop. “Are you ready?”

“As ready as I can be,” you sighed out and Jumin gently grabbed your chin, facing you to him.

“You’re gonna be great,” he whispered and brushed his lips lightly over yours. “For good luck.”

You smiled back at him as you rubbed your thumb over your lower lip. “For good luck,”

Walking in to the bar, your heart was hammering in your chest. Jumin could tell and instead of saying anything, he opted to rub soothing circles over your hand with his thumb as he went through the motions of introducing you to all his friends from the firm.

“So Jumin, you doin’ karaoke tonight?” The redhead you saw the first time you met Jumin asked, nudging Jumin in his side and your date laughed as he made eye contact with you.

“Only if you can convince MC to do it with me. We had a pretty good jam session on our drive over here.”

You laughed as the boy looked at you with pleading eyes. “Jumin and I both sounded horrible, I think it would be a great travesty if you got either of us up on stage.”

Jumin rolled his eyes and grabbed your hand as some of his friends all but pushed him to the front, pulling you onto the stage as he stumbled up as well and you smiled as he whispered to the DJ what song you would be singing.

“Girl, you’re freaking out…”

-

Jumin’s promise that you wouldn’t regret agreeing to his arrangement lasted for a while, but a few months later and four parties later, all good things came to an end eventually and sadly, that included how good together you and Jumin were.

Kissing the top of your forehead, Jumin pulled you closer. Burrowing yourself further into his chest you smiled softly. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he replied, running his hand up and down your bare arm. “What are you in the mood for breakfast?”

“Actually, I was hoping I could talk to you for a moment?” You asked, sitting up, pulling his grey duvet up and around your shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” Jumin sat up as well, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and you looked at his face, studying his features closely before taking a deep breath.

“I don’t think you should pay me anymore.” Jumin’s breath caught in his throat and you looked down at your lap.

“Is this your way of telling me you don’t want to see me again?” He asked, removing his arm from around you. “After the night we just had?” He gestured to both of your naked bodies and you bit your lip, trying not to smile.

“No, I’m saying I want to see you. Without being paid.” You took a deep sigh and kissed his cheek. “I don’t want to be paid anymore because I’m in lov-”

“Don’t say that, MC. You don’t love me. You love this fancy lifestyle and the money I give you.” Jumin got up, collecting your clothes that were scattered on the floor. “I think it’d be best if you go for now.”

“What? Jumin, why-”

“Because I am in love with you, MC. And you’re not in love with me. So I don’t think that we should keep this arrangement anymore. This relationship would never work between us. You’d soon fall out of love with me when you actually got to know me.” Jumin pulled on some navy blue boxers and a light grey tee shirt as you dressed yourself in the outfit Jumin had bought for you the night before.

“That’s not true, Jumin. I do know you! I know that when you’re stressed, you bite the inside of your cheek. I know that you still keep in touch with your high school best friend, V, and that you guys are in a charity organization along with some other people you care for, even though you wouldn’t admit you do. I know-”

Jumin cut you off with a kiss and you moved to wrap your arms around him but he pulled away before you could. “Goodbye, (MC).”

Blinking back tears, you looked back at the email you had clicked open. It was an invitation to his 32nd birthday party, that night, at a new karaoke bar right down the street from the apartment you were renting with your friend Katherine.

“Hey, Kath. What do you say about going out to that karaoke bar tonight?”

-

Walking in the bar, you quickly made eye contact with Seven and he smiled widely making his way over to you. “MC! So nice of you to join us, haven’t seen you in quite a while.” You saw him give you a sad look and you know Jumin told everyone else what had transpired between  the two of  you. “You looking for Jumin?”

“Actually, I was hoping to surprise him, do you think you could help me?” You smiled at Seven as he nodded enthusiastically, continuing to nod as you filled him in on how you wanted to surprise Jumin. “He’s either gonna be super mad or swept off his feet, and I’m not sure which one I should plan for.”

“MC, take this from me: he still loves you way more than he should after five years.” He laughed and checked over his shoulder. “He still brings you up in conversation that’s just like ‘MC would love this’ talking about something stupid like a movie or song.”

“So you’ll help me?” You asked hopefully as you and Seven made your way to the DJ.

“If it means he’ll stop pining over you and just be in love with you, yes.” He laughed and you leaned into the DJ and told him what you wanted to do.

“Okay so we don’t normally do this, but can Jumin come on stage?” You watched from standing behind Seven, and trying to blend into the crowd as Jumin confusedly walked up.

He looked good, wearing the same suit you always saw him in. He looked more sad too though, almost like he was searching for something he knew wasn’t gonna be there.

As the opening chords to ‘Girl, You’re Freaking Out’ came on, Jumin laughed to himself, almost like this was a cruel joke being played on him before beginning to sing hesitantly. After he completed the first verse and intro, you stepped onto the stage from your hiding spot. “Boy, you’re freaking out,”

His head whipped to yours, a look of disbelief on his face as you continued to sing the song that you both had first sung five years ago and when you both sung “well, I’m all in” Jumin hesitantly held your hand in his own, smiling down at you as you squeezed his own.

After the song had ended, Jumin led you quietly outside and when you two were out of the hecticness of the bar, you two finally spoke. “I didn’t think you’d come,”

“I didn’t think I would either,” you admitted, laughing slightly. “But, then I thought back to the night we first met. And all our other firsts, and realized that what we had was too good just to throw away. Because Jumin, I still love you after all this time. You were wrong when you said I was in love with your lifestyle, because it was you, and always you.”

Jumin chuckled and kicked at an invisible rock. “I was so stupid that day. I panicked and instead of telling you that I wanted the same thing, I pushed you away because I was scared and then sat for five years thinking about how much of an idiot I was that day, because I still love you too. More than you could ever know.”

Standing in silence for a few moments, you cleared your throat. “I thought about texting, emailing, or calling you. So many times. But I was scared. Scared you wouldn’t answer, or scared you would and I would have no idea what to say.”

“I honestly didn’t even send out that invitation to the party,” Jumin admitted, brushing his hand softly against yours. “Jaehee did everything. She joked about inviting you but I didn’t think she was serious.”

Laughing, you and Jumin both wrapped your arms around each other and you both just stood holding each other on a cool October night, the bass of the music from the bar vibrating the sidewalk.

“I missed you,” you whispered and Jumin kissed your forehead before guiding your lips softly to his own.

“I missed you too.” He responded and as he held you, you felt the safest you had felt in years and you knew that this was right where you were meant to be.

[maggyme13]

Sugar (11/?)

AN: In the next couple of chapters we will enter a bit of SOns of Anarchy territory.

THANK YOU to all those lovely readers that reblogged and let me know what they thought^^

Masterlist

Sugar- Masterlist

Part 10

„Let´s see what he wants.“, you told Bucky. Your car door was already open.

“Try to get his name. I can send it to NY and get Info on him. I have the feeling there is more behind his visit than he will tell us.”, he answered and you nodded. You had the same feeling.

“As I told you before Mrs Lowman, we offer you fifty thousand and paying of the mortgage fees. This is more than you will get when the bank sells it. That would be nothing. In the case you sell it to us, you we will give you enough time to pack your things and find a good retirement home. And later your Children won´t need to pay of your dept in the hopefully far future.”, you heard the stranger explain to your mother, using a very sweet and fake politeness.

You did not like him.

Wait what?

“Asd I told you before: I will not sell. This is my house and one day I will die in it.”, your Mother answered stubbornly and with determination in her voice.

“Mrs-”

“Ma, we are back. You alright?”, you interrupted the man, stepping right between him and your mother.

“Yes, no worries. What about you? Were you sufficient?”, she smiled and the two of you stepped inside the home.

“Me too. Your son will call his friend and tell him to look for another place to stay. We brought cakes from the bakery you love so much. Ms Muller sends her best wishes.”

“Oh how nice of her. I was already making some tee and coffee. Bucky, be so kind and close the door please. These winds are not good for my old bones. Thank you dear.”

“Sir.”, was the last thing you heard before the closing of the door.

“What just happened is not of your or your brothers concern. Understood?”, your mothers words were final and you knew there was no way to get something out of her if she did not want to speak about it.

“Fine. I know there is not way to get you to speak. So let´s eat cake and forget the whole incident.”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“Heimdal, this is (y/n). Can you research something for me?”, you spoke into the receiver of your phone.

Loki had after all once told you to ask him if you needed any information.

“Of course Ms (y/n). Does it happen to do with your mothers house?”, the secretary asked, and you once again wondered how he knew what he did, “Mr Laufeyson had asked me to keep an eye on it and declare interest should it ever be foreclosed.”

“Okay. Did you find out about it during the background-check on me?”

“We did, indeed. So what can I do for you.”, his voice was warm.

“How much dies the bank demand and can you get information on an August Marks? He offered My ma money and something feels off about him.”

“The bank demands 75 000 Dollars for the once it will be sold. This will be in three days if my information is right. May I also inform you that Mr Laufeyson already green-lighted this endeavor, so you have all the money you need to your disposal.”

“He already did? Is it possible then, that you buy it for me, please? And to let them know not to let the other interested know about it?”, you hummed; not comfortable about the fact that Loki had already put everything in motion, but grateful.

“Of course Ms (y/n). I will buy the house in your name; you will only have to sign the papers, but I can arrange that to happen online. I will call you once I have any other information you asked for. Have a great evening.”.

The two of you said your goodbyes and the call ended with a lot of weight lifted from your chest. Your mother would not lose her home.

“Are you going to tell your Ma?”, Bucky had joined you on the terrace in the back garden.

“And get my ass whooped? No thank you. I will tell her once it is done and she needs to know. I have to tell my brother though. Sigh”, You groaned.

With the head on the top of the table, you dialed your brothers number.

“What?”, the man in question answered your call.

“Ma´s going to loose her house.”, there was no intention of you to even try to be polite.

“You kidding?”

“A man was offering to buy it when we returned. She is behind on her payments and the house will be sold in three days for 75k.”, you informed him further.

“Fuck. I have 10k most. Need to ask the club.”, he mumbled into the form and you could see him scratching is head in frustration.

“No need. I already called work. They are going to give me the money and I will pay it back with my paychecks. I just wanted to inform you about that and that the man felt off.”

“You gotta let Ma living there?”. Of course he ignored the fact you were worried about that man.

“Rent free; just like we did until we moved out. This way she can´t argue.”

“Good. Now, what guy?”

“A man of the name of August Marks. He seemed polite, and fake. Like there was a specific reason to buy the house. And it can´t be the location. A man dressed like that, does not buy a house in this neighborhood. Hap-”, you frowned and sat up right alarmed, “are you growling? Why are you sounding like an angry Bumblebee?”

“Big, short hair, Black, expensive suit?”, he finally asked.

“Yes. Why?”

“Not of your concern.”

“Happy, do you know this man because of your Job ?” , you breathed into the phone, but you got no answer.

“I take that as a yes. Do I need to get Ma somewhere else?”

“No.”

“Okay, I trust you because unlike me, you love Ma and don´t want to see her dead. I am calling you when the house is mine.”

“Good.” Klick

Asshole

“Do I need to call the Boss and get Sam and maybe some more down here?”, your bodyguard asked, worry in his voice.

“The night will tell. If Bikers show up. Yes. If not, then no.”, you answered him honesty.

“Makes sense.”, the man admitted, “I will stay up tonight and keep an eye out for anyone. No arguments. It is my job as your bodyguard and friend. And I have Bumble to keep me company.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

No bikers came the following night or day and so you believed that it all was as coincidence. Maybe Heimdal will find out more soon.

It was midday of the day you would be a newly made house owner when a knock sounded from the front-door and Bumble started barking.

It was Marks.

“Mrs Lowman, do you take our offer or not?”, he greeted your mother.

“We are not going to sell.”, she answered, but sadness was in her voice. She knew the bank would be selling her house this day. You had noticed her being quieter than usual the last two days.

“I am sorry to hear that. But you leave me choice now.”, he answered and at once reached into his jacket to- receive his mobile phone.

For a split second though, you had to admit, the thought of him pulling out a gun crossed your mind.

“This is August Marks of Pope Enterprise. I am calling to buy the house under the Number 666Ac. I will wait, thank you.”

A smirk threatened to spread over your face.

“What do you mean it is already sold. I INFORMED you last Month on my intentions to buy this object.- Yes, please give me the number of the buyer. Who was it you said?- Asgard, in the name of (y/n)(y/ln). Thank you and good bye.”, breathing in a few times to calm down, you saw him dialing the number you had given the bank for exactly this reason.

It only took a few seconds for his call to connect and your phone to ring. A look of confusion entered his face, that turned into disbelief and anger real quick when you answered with, “I am not going to sell. Have a nice day. Now, please leave my property or I will have to call the cops and my attorney for trespassing.”, in the sweetest and most innocent customer-service voice you were able to muster.

Huffing and with angry strides, he finally left and drove of in his expensive car.

You laughed. Until a smack on the back on your head shut you up.

“MA!”, you whined.

“I can´t remember asking for help.”, your mother scolded you.

“You didn´t. Does not change the fact that I did.”, you huffed.

“How much dept are you in now?”

“None. My boss payed for it and take the money from my paychecks every month.”, you explained, “So don´t worry, Ma.”

“Why?”

“Because you sacrificed everything to make sure Happy and I can have an almost normal childhood. I am just paying it back, so no more arguments.”, you hugged your mother with tears in your eyes.

“Thank you. I will make you your favorite cake. No Arguments”

And with this declaration, your mother ended the hug and disappeared into the kitchen where you immediately heard the clinking of bowls.

Keeping your promise, you called your brother:

“Your house now?”

“Yes, and Mr Marks was not happy about hearing it and that I do not intent to sell it ever.”, you hummed, still amused about the look the man had.

“Ya told him?”, your brother asked, almost getting pissed.

“Kind of, he came to make Ma a last offer. When she declined he called the bank to buy it in front of her face. Did not work out like he thought and when he called the new owner, me, he had no other choice than leaving in a sour mood.”

“Pack Ma´s things, you are going to spend Christmas in Charming. You have three hours.”, and with that the call ended, again.

“I swear, if he puts us into lockdown, I am leaving and telling Ma exactly why.”, you growled into the air before calling out to your Mother, “MA. Happy invited us to spend Christmas in Charming with him. And he won´t accept a no!”

“Jesus. What did my Son get himself into now.”,you heard her curse as an aswer.

Part 12

AN 2.0. Will she be locked up? and what will happen once she enters charming?

REBLOGS and comments are appreciated:)

Thank you very much.

~MaggY

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I couldnt tag a few of you… sorry.

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[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 18 - "from this moment on"

Season 3, episode 16 "Elephant's memory" (this is the one where the team have to catch a kid - Owen Savage - that's been killing his former bullies: Reid empathizes with him to the point of putting his life on the line when the kid approaches the police dept armed, to say goodbye to his girlfriend one last time. This is also the one where Reid tells Morgan about the bullying episode with the goal post)

This is basically how I imagine their love confession happened :)

Also, uhm, I have to address one last thing? I think I went a lil out of character with Derek in this one, because the fighting and the occasional sarcastic tone...Idk I feel like Derek Morgan wouldn't do that. I hope it doesn't bother you 👉👈 I needed them to be real mad to render the "getting together" how I wanted to. It was so fucking hard to write, putting together anger and love and trying to "transition" from the former to the latter not too abruptly, jesus why do I make my life so complicated- hope it was worth it

Read it on AO3

-------------

Morgan was sitting at his desk in the bullpen. He already had his hoodie and leather jacket on: he had planned on finishing with the paperwork as fast as his reading and handwriting speed allowed him to, and then literally running home to take a shower, to wash off everything that case in Texas had stained him with.

To wash off the burden of knowing about probably one of Reid's deepest secrets. The guilt of not having managed to get through to him soon enough to predict that he was gonna go back to the local pd and wait for the unsub without the others knowing. The helplessness of seeing him put his life at stake to save the unsub from being shot - the unsub: a kid just like him, bullied and punished for not knowing how to be anything other than himself. The knot in his guts when he saw him inching closer and closer to the armed kid and couldn't run in front of him to stand as a shield. The aching in his heart at the thought that, even having witnessed all of it, he couldn't blame Reid for seeing himself in that kid and wanting to save him, like an instinct that he could not suppress even being fully aware that that would've meant playing kamikaze in front of the team - in front of him.

He wanted all of that to go away, to stream down the drain of his shower floor and disappear.

And the awareness that that couldn't happen, that it didn't work like that, was what was keeping him from being able to fill up all the paperwork quickly, instead staring at the same sheet for what seemed like hours and removing his gaze from it every 30 seconds to check on Hotch's office, where Reid was being lectured and scolded since the minute they got off the jet.

-

At the millionth glimpse up to that door, it opened.

Reid walked fast down the stairs and flew toward his desk with a hollow look on his face, lifting a wave of air as he brushed past Morgan's desk.

Morgan's eyes followed him and then moved back to the door where they were before, and where now was standing Hotch, watching Reid too from slightly above.

Hotch's and Morgan's eyes met and, much to the latter's relief, he nodded: Morgan didn't catch immediately what he was nodding at him for, then understood it was meant to be a "everything's fine, I didn't fire him" kinda thing. Which, luckily enough, hadn't even crossed his mind - there was a whole lot on that plate already.

He decided he had to talk to him, in the attempt to relieve some of Reid's concerns but also some of his own, hoping not to escalate into a fight - though, he was willing to take the risk.

-

"Reid."

The voice was familiar to Reid's ears, though the same couldn't be said for the tone of it.

He was almost done with packing his satchel, standing on his feet beside his desk in the hope that that would be enough of a hint for the others that he was heading out and had no time to talk or anything else of the sort.

But that voice - that voice, Reid could not ignore, and he found himself thinking that he should've rehearsed better to do so.

"What?" he simply said, not bothering to shift his look on Morgan, nor stopping the jittery motion of his hands, relying solely on muscle memory to put stuff inside the bag.

A warm and strong hand wrapped around his wrist like a cuff, forcefully stopping said motion. He finally moved his eyes toward the man, now standing in front of him.

Even having soothed down the uncontrollable trembling of his fingers, he glanced up at Morgan as to order to remove the grip; and so he did, gulping nervously.

"Can we talk for a sec?"

Reid tried to ignore the look on his face and shook his head dismissively, resuming the task he had interrupted a second before.

He felt his co-worker inching closer - too close for him to say no if he'd asked him again.

"Please, Spencer." Morgan whispered in his ear.

A shaky sigh escaped his nose when he heard his first name and the discomfort in Morgan's usually confident tone.

"Alright. What is it?" he crossed his arms on his chest.

"Not here." Derek looked around, searching for a private place as if he didn't know that there was no such thing at the bureau unless one had a proper office - and even then, everyone would peek and overhear conversations. Hotch knew something about that.

He nodded his chin up toward the conference room. Spencer didn't have the energy to protest and followed him.

-

"So?" he asked, attempting at an annoyed tone, once they were up inside the dark room - Morgan refused to turn the light on, letting the lamps from the bullpen outside shed some through the blinds.

"Close the door?"

"Seriously? Ok Morgan look, if- if I'm here for another lectur-"

"I can't do it with the door open Reid I'm- I'm sorry."

Reid softened a little at that. He wondered what he meant by "I can't do it". Do what? Anyway, he closed the door and tossed his bag on one of the chairs, figuring it was going to be long and tedious. Little did he know...

"And I don't wanna lecture you. Not as Hotch did, anyway. I'm here as a friend."

Spencer didn't bother retorting that.

Derek leaned against the round table and crossed his arms on his chest, looking down at his feet as if the floor was gonna throw at him the right words to say.

"You scared the fuck out of us." his voice came out anything but steady or threatening. "You scared the fuck out of ME." he specified.

Reid tried to hide as best as he could how his knees started to wobble. He shrugged, slipping his hands casually in the pockets of his pants. "What is that supposed to mean?"

-

Morgan wasn't sure if the "genius" was playing dumb all of a sudden or what. It seemed very much clear to him what that was supposed to mean. Phrased perfectly. You scared me. "Sorry about that" and a pat on his shoulder would've done the trick.

But since Reid clearly wasn't in the mood to make it easy on himself - or really, on either of them - Derek threw the whole "not escalating into a fight" concept out of the window.

"What do you think it means?" he stood straight and spread his arms in frustration. "What the HELL where you thinking out there? I just-"

"This sounds very much like a lecture already."

Derek lowered his voice. "I'm trying not to make it sound like one. But I'm also trying to make a point, Reid."

"Your point being?? That I shouldn't have jeopardized my life and the lives of others? That we are a team and if I understand something about the case before you guys I have to let you know?"

Morgan tried to take advantage of a pause Reid took to catch his breath, gaping in the attempt to say something. But was immediately cut off.

"Or is it maybe that I shouldn't walk up to an armed unsub without my vest and my gun??" Reid seemed to have finished, but just because his voice was getting thicker with rage.

Derek couldn't see his eyes clearly in the bad lighting of the room, but from how his brows were drawn together and his lips slightly parted, he took a guess tears were threatening to wet his cheeks from one second to another.

He didn't want to make him cry. He'd probably already done that a few times without anybody's help. But if that was Spencer's way of opening up to him, of letting go, of showing him that he trusted him not to tell the others about how he poured his fears out to him inside those four walls... then maybe Derek did want him to cry. If that was the only way to make the kid understand how much it affected him seeing him risk his life, how wrong it was for him to think he was alone in this.

"...all of the above, and you know that."

"Exactly! I do! Because Hotch just told me all of it and even if he hadn't, I knew it all already-"

"Then why?? Why did you do it anyway? Why did you do it if you're so smart that you had already figured how wrong it was?"

Reid scowled at that, and opened his mouth to say something, though he didn't really have the time.

"Do you take PLEASURE in all this??" Morgan snorted dryly, gesturing his hands around as if he was showing him what "all this" meant. "Are you enjoying it? Getting yelled at? Looking at me freak out??"

Spencer embraced his chest in his arms, like he wanted to make himself small. "It's not like I asked you to-"

"You did, though! You kinda DID ask for it, Reid! What, you thought we'd just sit around and watch you get almost killed and never talk about it?? You thought you could do something literally suicidal and get away with Hotch or me busting your ass or- or anybody really??"

"Morgan just- s- stop screaming at me, please." he murmured keeping his eyes down, voice cracking halfway.

The way those words came out of him and resonated in his eardrums, and the look on his face - Derek's stomach twisted at the thought of having scared him, yelled at him like he was just some kid who screwed up, like he was someone else and not Spencer. His kid. His pretty, pretty boy.

He realized how close he had got to him, unawarely prey to his own rage. He stepped back and ran a hand on his face. Reid looked so tiny, and helpless, and innocent, now that Morgan got a look of him as a whole, from a farther perspective.

-

" 'm sorry." he mumbled.

As Spencer's eyes finally moved away from the portion of floor in between his shoes, he saw that Derek had turned his back on him, hands resting on his hips.

He looked...hurt? But mostly ashamed, judging by how his eyes dropped down, hiding his face, like he didn't want Spencer to see him in that moment.

Spencer's heart collapsed down his stomach when he realized what Derek was ashamed of.

"Morgan you- you didn't... scare me or anything I'm- I'm fine I'm just saying, Hotch already barely contained his yelling, and I had my fair share of yelling, too, I just don't-" he had to take a breath, or else his brain would've burst. "I just don't want you to get angry at me, too. That's all. That's literally it."

A little too late for that, he thought to himself. But what he said, it was true: he wasn't scared of him - or, better: of course he was uncomfortable when people screamed at him, but it wasn't Derek specifically. He didn't wince, or flinch back when he scolded him. He didn't have a quarter of a doubt that Morgan wouldn't lay a single finger nail on him - on ANYONE, ever.

That's just not the type of man he was, despite his build, and how his eyes burned up when he was angry. He would occasionally punch a wall or two, but he would never dare to get mad like that at people. And, it seemed to Reid, that some people forgot it at times, or simply got the idea that he was a violent man, based purely on his muscles and the color of his skin. Reid wasn't one of those people. He knew Morgan felt emotions in a big way - big, blinding smiles, as well as big, laser-like glares - an authentic and raw way, when he allowed himself to: the good ones when he felt comfortable enough, the bad ones when he felt threatened. He knew how overwhelming it must be for external people, to see this strong man spurting out his equally strong feelings.

Spencer wasn't one of those people. He felt blessed to belong to that OTHER group of people, the one Derek allowed himself to show good and bad. And he wasn't scared, he admired him for feeling things in such a way.

Reid snapped out of his thoughts, hearing an unsettling silence that should've been long replaced by an answer from Morgan. He made a few steps toward him.

"Morgan are- are you ok?" he asked, his voice and his expression softer than before, carefully placing a hand on the other man's leather-coated shoulder.

-

Ok. Of course. At times Derek wondered if Spencer was actually that oblivious, or he just liked to make the gears in his brain work x10 times harder to find a way of making things more evident to him for fun.

He let out a cold chuckle. "Yeah." he shook his head and turned around to face him again. "of course, right? TOTALLY fine. Just saw one of the people I care most in this world throw himself in the arms of an unsub. But I'm fine, right?? How could I not."

The painful frown that appeared on Spencer's sweet face should've been enough for Derek not to be able to stay angry at him.

Reid looked down and took a step back, taking his hand off of him. Maybe it wasn't enough for Morgan's rage to quiet down, but it was sure as hell enough for a wave of tears to start burning his eyeballs.

"And how can you demand me to not be angry at you?" his voice was starting to fail him. "How- how am I supposed to do that??"

Reid shook his head vigorously. "I seriously do NOT understand. I swear to God I don't understand this whole thing you're pulling off on me right now." he tucked his hair behind his ears, not that it needed to be adjusted - it was rather out of being nervous and trying to compose himself.

An annoyed grimace wrinkled Morgan's features. "What is there to understa-"

"No- I'm talking now: you pull off this crap ALL the time, running into buildings on literal fire, chasing unsubs down alleys without waiting for us first, jumping from one roof top to another- how is that different? Is it cause you're a big guy and I'm weak? Is that ALWAYS the reason??"

"It's not nearly the same thing, Reid. And it doesn't have a single fucking thing to do with you being 'weak'." he stated, without hesitating to air-quote 'weak', damn sure that if he didn't, Spencer would snap again.

"Then, please, explain it to me. Explain to me why when you do that you're a hero, while when I do that I'm an irresponsibile teenager. Because, apparently so, all the IQ in my brain is of no use in figuring it out." he snarked, crossing his arms on his chest.

Morgan took a few deep breaths: Reid would be outraged enough by what he was about to say, the least he could do was control how he'd say it.

"Alright. When I do that, it's because there's no choice. I can't let the guy get away. What you did, though? You HAD a choice." he simply explained, seeing that Spencer's mind was already starting to acknowledge the difference. "and when I do it, it has nearly nothing to do with how much or how little a case gets to me."

Spencer snorted. "...I'm sorry for getting involved? And putting my ass on the line to save a kid? Is this what you wanna hear??"

"You're painting it like you did it more for him than for yourself." Morgan bit back. He knew that deep down Reid knew what he meant.

Derek was starting to contemplate only after dipping his toes in the topic, that maybe it wasn't his place to bring it up - but from how heavy the silence following his statement was, and how intensely the other's brows shot up together, he figured Hotch hadn't brought it up either. And someone had to do it, regardless of how painful the backfire would be: Derek could take it. He could take it, if it meant managing to untie at least a few knots in Spencer's brain.

"In what way exactly would I take advantage in something like that? You JUST said it, I literally threw myself in a life threatening situation because I didn't want another kid to die, not on my watch! How- how does that help me-"

"There you go." Derek asserted coldly, nodding his chin in Spencer's direction.

Spencer swallowed, but didn't continue.

"You didn't want to see another kid get killed in front of you. Especially when he reminds you so much of yourself. Ain't that right?"

Reid jerked his eyes away.

"And I get that. I do. But it's when you start snapping at everyone, and try to fix things on yourself, and approach an armed guy without protection, THAT'S when this type of 'getting involved' becomes dangerous." Morgan concluded. When no immediate response came from Reid, and he seemed to have calmed down, he made a step closer, and slowly attempted at placing a hand on his shoulder.

Maybe he didn't have to say it yet. Maybe he could get away with keeping it buried inside for a while longer. Maybe the risk of getting rejected could be dodged this time. But Spencer's face reflected the frantic movements happening inside his brain, and he looked like he was giving thoughtful consideration to something - Derek was afraid of what that "something" could be.

As soon as his hand reached Reid's bony shoulder, it was snatched away by an equally bony hand. And his eyes leveled with Morgan's again.

"Why does it matter?" Spencer ultimately asked.

"Wha-"

"Why does it matter what 'type' of involvement, as long as I save a life?"

"I JUST told you why it matters, Reid! It's not healthy that you'd wanna risk your life when you have a million other options!"

"So what?"

" 'So what' what?? We are a fucking team, Reid, our job is to avoid getting each other killed! We love you- I do, I love you, I don't want you to throw yourself in these situations if there's no need for it!"

Spencer's look softened, despite the screaming, when Derek mentioned the team, the fact that they were meant to protect each other - to love each other. Like he forgot it for a second there.

"And I get that! But- but what's the point- even if you explain it to me a thousand times, it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that the way I get in dangerous situations is 'unhealthy' whereas yours is unbiased. If you run into a fire to save a child because you have no choice, I still shit my pants, alright? Because- because of what you said, that we are a team, and we love each other, and I love you too-"

"Not like that, Reid!!" Morgan yelled louder than him, putting a stop to his flood of words.

-

Spencer didn't try to resume his ramble, instead, he stilled with lips parted and eyebrows furrowed, waiting for his brain to understand - it never took him so long. Except when it came to social cues, and feelings.

Morgan sighed heavily, shutting his eyes. "I- I don't mean it like that. Like a co-worker- not even as a friend." his voice was now barely audible.

Spencer's heart started pounding rapidly - and it was the only thing he could feel in that moment. His brain wasn't working, his thoughts were put on a time-out for a second. His body was in charge - and he wasn't used to it.

"I- I'm not following-"

Morgan ran a hand over his face. "I love you, Goddammit."

Derek took a step closer, and now Spencer could see a glossy layer coating his eyes, threatening to spill.

"I'm in love with you, Spencer." he murmured.

Their eyes were only a few inches apart, and still: Spencer couldn't manage to read through Derek's. He couldn't find in them the answers to all those questions - Why would he say something like that? Was it true? How long? How could Derek Morgan be in love with someone like him? Did he misunderstand what he said? How did he miss something like that?

He shook his head. "No. No that's not true, don't- don't say that." Spencer's eyelids burning with tears.

-

Morgan swallowed the lump in his throat, a hurt frown appeared on his face. Did Reid really believe he was lying, or was it some subtle, manipulative way of telling him he didn't love him back?

He nodded and repeated. "It is. It's true, I love yo-"

"Stop saying that." A tear trailed down Spencer's cheek, as he tilted his head and let his shoulders drop, like someone who's... tired. Someone who's had enough without even having received any. Someone who's completely unaware of how much they're giving by just existing in other people's orbits. Someone who's yet blind to how forceful a love like that feels like when it sweeps you over - incapable of feeling worthy of such love.

"You're only saying it because- because you saw me in a dangerous situation and- and you're confusing the fear of losing a co-worker with romantic love. We- we see it all the time, Morgan- it's not true, it's gonna go away, this is only your brain playing tricks on you." Spencer stuttered.

Morgan looked down at his trembling hands, as gravity forced the first of many tears to escape his eye. How could he not see it? Why couldn't he accept being loved?

"I- I don't know how to show it to you." he raised his gaze again. "tell me, kid. Tell me how I can make you understand."

A shuddering breath stopped halfway in his throat when Spencer leaned even closer, reaching a hand out to cup his cheek. Gentle, uplifting, soft hand soothing his thick skin; and a thumb stroking his chin, scattered with a couple-days-rough stubble dampened by the tears. He slightly tilted his head to sink into that touch.

Spencer stared deep into him for a while, and closed the distance between their faces. Derek simply shut his eyes, as the tip of the other's nose brushed up and down his, like he wanted to test the soil; Spencer's hot breath tickling his Cupid's bow.

His plump, bottom lip slightly parted from the upper one, and started stroking over Derek's closed mouth - he didn't wanna push, he didn't want to ruin it, he wanted to kiss him but at the same time he didn't, didn't want him to feel forced to do anything, didn't want Spencer to have to let his tongue into his mouth just because he'd feel unpolite if he didn't, didn't wanna give in to the best sensation he could think of knowing it'd be a one-way street-

"Kiss me." the words came out of Spencer's mouth in a humid, warm breath washing over Derek's.

And Derek didn't need to be told twice.

-

One, strong arm wrapped around Spencer's slim waist, and long fingers snaked up the back of his neck and through his hair, and everything about where and how Derek's limbs were positioned felt anything but foreign to him. Like his body was the place they were supposed to be all along.

And he couldn't help but curse himself, and let endless tears roll off of his cheeks at the thought that he didn't realize it sooner, that he could've been tied with Morgan in that way long before if only he'd listened, that maybe he wouldn't have had to squeeze his brain so hard to think of ways to make himself feel at least decent for all those years, maybe he wouldn't even have needed Dilaudid in the first place, maybe all his tears and his sweat and his blood could've been wiped away by those hands instead of his own, maybe if he were a normal person capable of seeing the clues thrown at him, the clues that confirmed that the feeling was mutual, the clues that would've eventually pushed him to say it long before - "I love you, Derek" was it so hard after all? - and maybe, maybe, maybe-

And then, lips. Lips pushed against his, putting a halt to the mental cursing, the self loathing, the regret.

A million times he'd imagined Morgan's lips on his, and his forehead, and his neck, and...and other places, and he would've never guessed how gentle they actually were, in reality, in three-dimension. He'd imagined them as forceful as his kicks were when he broke down doors. As crushing as his fists against the walls when he was frustrated. As piercing as the words he spat out to Buford's face. And they were, forceful, but in a different way. In this way that had nothing to do with violence, and physicality. Like, like he was trying to infuse him with all the love his big heart contained. Like he could tell him how much he loved him just by laying those lips on his - and Spencer would've struggled to believe it regardless.

And, tongue. As soon as the tip of Derek's tongue split its way in between his teeth, Spencer dropped his jaw, and pushed him as deep inside as he could, with his hands on the back of his warm neck. It was like the other's tongue was chasing for his, and so he met it halfway, pushing his forward, and the warm, wet contact made Derek whine shakily.

And it was getting messy, and slippery as their mouths mixed together, and his taste was burning hot, like coffee, but not the sweet, tooth-rotting one Spencer was used to drink: like bitter coffee, sharp, intense but cozy at the same time. And in the moment that taste started possessing every spot of his mouth, spread by the movements of both their tongues, swirling and exploring every bit of space available - in that moment he swore to God, if real coffee tasted like that, he'd give up all the sugar and cream in this world.

-

At a certain point, Morgan had to pull back, or else he'd have suffocated - not that he minded, drowning in Reid's velvet lips.

He pressed his forhead on Spencer's and brushed his fingers through his hair, swallowing that last bit of flavor he left in his mouth - sweet for all the damn sugar he shoved in his coffee, salty for the tears that managed to reach his tongue.

Reid's arms slowly dropped down his sides again, as he regained all the breath he'd lost, and tilted his head down like he was avoiding the other's eyes. Morgan frowned at the loss of contact.

"Hey" Derek whispered against his temple, though it didn't seem to work to catch his attention. Did he do something wrong? Was Spencer already regretting it? Did he push too far? He perfectly knew Reid had a "thing" with physical contact, but he trusted him to say it if he was doing anything that made him uncomfortable, right? Plus, he seemed to never have had a problem with Morgan touching him, hugging him...had he got it wrong all along? As those questions sneaked their way into Derek's brain, coming from a dark, hidden place Spencer's mouth had in some way momentarily rooted out of him, a sudden pain stabbed at the back of his throat.

"Pretty boy," That seemed to work. Spencer's gorgeous face leveled back up with his, giving him his signature puppy eyes. Derek's knees failed a little under his weight when he gently grabbed Spencer's jaw in one hand, and he seemed to be trying to contain a shy smile by biting the inside of his cheek. The questions were rooted out of his head once again.

"I need you to listen to me for a second here" he added softly, brushing his thumb on his chin. Spencer nodded.

He took a deep breath. "I know why you did what you did, and I'm- I'm sorry if it doesn't seem like I do because I snapped like that but..." Derek paused, cupping Spencer's face in both his hands to wipe away the half-dried tears with the sleeves of his hoodie, expecting fresh new ones to come at any moment. "...but I need you to understand that it freaked me out to see you like that cause it looked like you didn't know that we're here for you. That I'm here for you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah I know." Reid murmured, his bottom lip failing to keep steady. He slightly tilted his head to nuzzle into Morgan's warm palm, as his thumb caressed his cheek.

Derek's heart swelled like he never thought it could. The way Spencer was giving it all up and trusting him to be careful with his exposed nerves, was an overwhelming duty weighing upon his shoulders just as much as it was the hugest privilege he'd ever received. Even more so knowing how hard it was for the kid to share that part of him.

"Especially now, I need you to understand that when you put your life at risk like that- like it doesn't matter; it doesn't affect only you. It affects me, too. It always has, since day one, but especially from this moment on I need you to think of me- I need you to think that I'm out there watching you and that if you risk your life, you're risking mine too."

-

Spencer's pupils widened at that. He stared deep into Derek's eyes as if he could read his mind through them. "Especially now". "Especially from this moment on". He was trying so hard to find another meaning to those words, one that would imply less commitment, one that wouldn't literally equal Derek Morgan stating that he was his boyfriend now.

"I- I understand." Spencer stammered, wrapping his arms again around his waist. "I understand." he repeated after clearing his voice, as a sweet smile formed on his lips.

"Good." Derek placed a couple quick kisses on his chin and the corner of his lips, making his smile widen even more and his nose scrunch a little. "Cause I mean it."

They stared into each other for a while, and Derek's palm didn't stop stroking Spencer's cheek for a second, like he would die to carry his whole face in one hand if only he could.

Reid swallowed, trying to keep his gaze steady on him as his brain prompted at his lips to speak the words - tell him, tell him, he won't reject you, he loves you, he said it first, tell him-

"I love you too." he felt himself smiling while saying it. Wasn't so hard, now was it?

Derek chuckled a little. "Yeah, I figured that one, pretty boy."

Spencer dropped his gaze, trying to hide a little in the man's palm. There was another thing...

"and- and also, uh, Morgan ? I," a shuddering sigh followed. "I- I'm 10 months sober. From- from Dilaudid. 10 months."

Morgan's bright smile didn't falter but assumed a shade to it that Reid couldn't quite name. He squeezed his eyes shut to let out another set of tears, with such relief that left Spencer wondering if he'd been waiting to receive that news all along, or simply he wasn't expecting it. That reaction alone could've easily been enough to make him swoon at his very feet.

Derek collapsed into his hug, burying his face in Spencer's slim neck and probably soaking the collar of his shirt as he sobbed in a way that made his shoulders hitch at every breath - in a way Spencer had never seen him doing before.

Spencer ran a hand up and down the back of the other's neck to calm his cry down, until his breathing had evened out a little, unable to take that stupid smile off his face.

"Can you, uh, do me a favor though?" Derek's hoarse and muffled voice tickled his neck a little.

"Yeah?"

"...can you stop calling me Morgan now? Freaks me out a little..."

Reid let out a giggle, and squeezed him even tighter, tilting his head to lean his cheek on the other man's bald head, well aware that he would never feel nearly as supported by his skinny limbs as he felt in Morgan's strong arms. He tried anyway.

"Yeah. Yes, I can definitely stop doing that, Derek."

The feeling of the man's smile - his boyfriend 's smile against his skin, was enough to make Spencer swear to try and forget he even had a last name.

[newhologram]

Hia New :D I hope you are well. Next week is going to be my first time being on set as a background performer. I was wondering if you had any tips or general "New knowledge" for a first timer (Sorry for asking on Anon. I haven't told many people yet :P)

Hi! Omg congrats. So happy for you. I’m hanging in there with 2 annoying flare ups but doing well otherwise!

Some things off the top of my head: 

STAY HYDRATED. Pack those little additive packs if you can, like coco water or something else you find tolerable. I usually bring my own big fat water bottle to refill throughout the day.

SUNSCREEN IF OUTDOOR SHOOT

Take a banana from crafty. Put it in your bag for later in the shoot when you need a boost. Hom nom nom

Bring something to do during down time in holding. I would often bring a book to read or a notebook to scribble in (especially helpful if I had a depressive mood swing, to be able to write it all down with a time stamp for later tracking). I usually bring my iPad to zone out to music on or rewatch Transformers or J-pop music videos. Things that boost my mood. But if you’re worried the set might not be safe for personal electronics (unfortunately theft does happen :( ) then leave it at home

Make sure you take time to get up and stretch often. Take deep breaths. 

Pace yourself with crafty snacks because it’s easy to get so bored that all you wanna do is eat

There’s usually a medic but I like to pack my own painkillers, herbal muscle relaxants, ginger tea packs, peppermints etc, just in case I feel icky

I recommend packing floss picks, a toothbrush, etc, to freshen up after lunch/snacking. Also, extra deodorant is important for very long and sweaty days. 

If your other BG actors didn’t take care of their hygiene, my trick is to put a little bit of diluted essential oil in my nose. I’m super sensitive to icky smells and long days on set can equal BO and bad breath from other people, oopsies. SUPER difficult when we have to be close together.

If you can, pack a little grooming kit. I always have tweezers, nail clippers, and a nail file. Never know when a random chin hair or nail breakage will happen. Also of course, a small makeup bag for touch ups. 

If they don’t tell you anything specific for makeup, assume a natural look (do the thing where it doesn’t look like you’re wearing makeup)

Be careful about nail polish. You might get away with it for specific looks but a lot of the time the makeup dept will get pissy and make you clean it off

Don’t be afraid to sneak a little personal style into the 3 looks you bring to set. If they don’t pick it, no biggy, but if they like what you bring, then you might get lucky and get a featured shot! Or at least asspats from the crew for looking cool xD

Talk to the AD like you’re old buddies and try to make their day less chaotic if possible. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification or make tiny suggestions if you feel it will help (ex. “When Lizzie gets to that tree, do you want me to already be heading toward Tony?” or (”Do you want us wiping camera or passing behind it?”) They have so much on their mind and it’s hard to always keep track of what they’ve set up for BG action, so being on top of your marks and timing and asking these little questions can make them sooo happy and you just might get a union voucher for the day (if you’re not already union). 

When pantomiming, just mouth a whole story to your scene partner. It’ll look great and real in the bg. Depending on the scene I would tell my partner about how great cheese ramen is, or I’d gossip about some rando I made up. 

Don’t be afraid to stand your ground or speak up. Situations will vary but Ex. if you’re doing one kind of BG but then the AD tries to put you in an almost nude scene or something you didn’t previously agree to/are uncomfortable with, ask if there’s a pay bump. If not, or if you’re just not cool with it, say that you have not cleared this with your agent, and since this was randomly asked of you, you’re not consenting to it. If they get nasty with you, speak to either your agent, your booking service, or find a contact within the production company to speak about it with. Emphasize that you were made uncomfortable on a professional set. (Remember when Westworld got in big trouble for having bg actors do fully nude simulated sex scenes and battle scenes with REAL WEAPONS? Yeah, my friends worked that show and it was bad. Report that shit when you see it)

^This also goes for if you have issues with other background actors or crew members. I’ve had to report gross guys and it sucks but they can’t be working on sets doing that to people so, merp. I’ve also reported another actor for going on a transphobic rant in front of everyone. Nope, not on set you don’t!

Be careful about the big stars. I’ve been lucky enough to work on sets with really big ones who were chill but some sets are super strict and you can get in trouble for talking to a star. My friend worked on a Nicki Minaj video where all the BG were told “if you look her in the eye, we send you home.” And then she watched as it happened to an 8 year old actress on the set. It’s a bit much, but... yeah

Make a designated box or folder for your vouchers. When you get paid, staple your paystub to the voucher. Makes it easier to keep track of which jobs you got paid for and makes taxes easier later too!

Paycheck seems late? Look on your voucher for a payroll number and give them a call. Communicate with other bg actors on that shoot if possible too. 

IN THE ERA OF COVID PRODUCTIONS PLEASE REPORT VIOLATIONS! SAFETY FIRST

HAVE FUN YOU’RE ON TV BITCH

[imagine-fight-write]

RANDOM - BANANA FISH REVIEW: VOL 1, PART 3 - MY FAVORITE SCENE in Vol. 1 ?

Welcome back to in-dept gushing about all the greatness of Banana Fish!

Whew, this took forever. Ah, but I love it so much! I hope you do too!

Today is extra lovely, because today we meet our main monstrous villain, Dino Golzine! 

He is a glorious villain, just you wait. Oh, how I hate this man. 

Yes I’m aware he’s a fictional character, but I can’t help but remember there are too many actual people like him in real life. No seriously. There are too many. I try not to think about this fact too much, & you shouldn’t either. Ah, but remember!

There’s hundreds, no thousands, billions more good people.

(here’s a few)

Or at least, people trying to be good. Sometimes they fail. Sometimes they don’t.

People who are fighting people like Dino Golzine.

You can join them. And they’re the ones who’re going to win in the end & have the last laugh & final joy.

Not people like Dino Golzine.

*Speaking of Dino Golzine, there are not a lot of useful gifs of him. Why?

I need them to make fascinating blog posts for you. Someone with the skills snap to it, thanks.

Before we begin, please note, if you haven’t read this scene yet, or the back summary of Volume 1, please do that 1st. Otherwise you’ll be spoiled.

Summary: So. Ash, a clever & skillful gang leader in New York City in the 1980′s, has arrived at Dino’s mansion, demanding answers for why 2 of his gang members were out murdering a dude on Dino’s orders. Marvin, of all people, delivers a deliciously chilling line I gushed about last time:

“I’ve never seen you in the sunshine before.”

And finally Ash is let inside the mansion.

It occurs to me I’m not exactly sure where Dino Golzine’s mansion is. Except it’s outside of New York - there’s trees & grass - & Ash mentions it’s a long way for him to come out for a talk. A suburb place?

Not sure why I’m musing about this. Let’s continue.

Wait! Is this also the same mansion where we have the infamous dinner & the grenade launcher line? Or does Dino have more than 1 mansion? (He probably has more than one.) But I’m going to guess they’re the same. Moving on.

So, starting pg. 36, Dino’s bodyguards have the best mustaches.

(Not as epic as Hercule Poirot. But up there in epicness.)

Also 1 of the fabulously  mustached bodyguards is named Angie. Angie. No, I am not making this up (read pg. 40.) This is priceless. Also very 80’s. Stay classy, Banana Fish. (Which was written in the 80’s, remember.)

*I can’t spelled mustache, much less mustached, by the way.

Oh, & I try to keep my blog clean (if sometimes grim, bloody, & funny) but I must point out the joke Ash makes to the bodyguards in the top panel of page 36. “Groupies” is a special word for me, because it was lovingly explained to me by a friend in high school. By which I mean I was laughing so hard it hurt, & couldn’t stop for several minutes. Great memories!

Ah, & I’m intrigued by Ash’s words to the fabulously mustached bodyguards, 

“Relax . . . I just came to talk. Not pick a fight.” 

(Can’t you just tell Ash’s a teenager, ragging on grown-ups every chance he gets? And they all deserve it, by the way.)

But anyway, I’m so intrigued! Has Ash come in before wanting to pick a fight, or caused a fight, and over what? Also, Ash likes to tease the bodyguards about being overprotective. And it’s funny & I understand why he does it (trying to pretend he doesn’t care & isn’t bothered by them & hey, maybe he isn’t). But I will point out, being “over protective” is how bodyguards should be. It’s their job. Because you never know.

Anyway, 1 of the guards, who I’m going to call Angie because I’m not sure who’s who, discreetly knocks, in the middle panel pg. 36, to the door of Dino’s - Dining room? Breakfast room? (Dino’s rich enough to have both). Anyway, Dino is eating breakfast. This is important & I’ll explain why in a moment. 1st, I do want to critique this panel, because I think the star shape indicating the knock should’ve been bigger & higher up - it gets dominated by the speech bubble. Then again, it is a discreet knock. Dino says “come in” in classic bad guy fashion, and before he lets Ash in, Angie gives him such a look. (I can’t describe it, it’s great.)

This is roughly my response.

Finally we get to see Dino Golzine!

I hate this man, so much.

Note how the first panel of him, bottom of pg. 36 is disturbing - because we actually don’t see his face until the next page. Naturally, since he’s the main bad, we should be disturbed. Also note how he’s surrounded by signs of wealth - a butler / footman, fine dining, French windows open to green countryside, potted plants and soft rugs, and a pair of lovely double doors.

Otaku, She Wrote has a great analysis of this in the anime: 

https://otakushewrote.wordpress.com/2018/07/07/banana-fish-1-a-perfect-day-for-bananafish/

I love double doors. You go through them & always feel grand. Oh yes, and Dino Golzine is dressed in a classic fancy robe / dressing gown. Typical mob boss. Now, although we don’t see his face yet, Dino does speak. Right away, it’s a power play. Dino makes it clear he knows Ash & is familiar with him, can guess his actions: “I thought you might come.” This is a statement reminding Ash Dino has power over him. Yes, he concedes Ash came earlier than expected. But he was still expecting him.

*Please note Angie’s fabulous mustache on the top of panel of pg. 37.

Ash doesn’t reply, so Dino offers breakfast (another sign of how early it is.)

There actually weren’t any pancakes (that I saw), but I included this because it looked fancy (and delicious.) There was actually an egg, & either bacon or sausage. So it was actually like this:

But fancy. That’s from Howl’s Moving Castle, by the way.

Back to Banana Fish.

I’m guessing Ash got maybe 6-7 hours of sleep. No wonder he takes a nap later. (It was almost 1 in the morning when he finds the poor dead guy, as a time stamp helpfully tells us.)

(Another Howl’s Moving Castle gif. I’m distracted.)

Back to Banana Fish.

Ash refuses the offer of breakfast (I wouldn’t accept it either.) Not that I think the food is drugged or something (though I wouldn’t be surprised OR if Dino had done such a thing before). (Shudders) But it’s the principle of the thing. Don’t accept food / eat at a table with monsters. By which I mean people who are terrible & evil & have no remorse for all the pain they inflict on others.

Food & eating together is a sign of community practically everywhere in the world. (I assume?)

And Dino Golzine is most definitely Ash’s enemy. Despite them currently having an agreement.

So of course, Ash refuses the offer of food. Just wait until their fight starts. It’s beautiful. There are conversations that are basically exchanges of epic threats & insults. I love it.

And now I’m wondering what Ash ate for breakfast. Probably not much? Food is important, especially breakfast! It’s basically the fuel you start the day with. (says the person who usually dashes off with toast & a granola bar & coffee.) What do you usually eat in the morning? I’m always curious.

OR What is your favorite breakfast?

(I’m going to fall on the Breakfast Hill, but I love the inclusion of sign language here in The Dragon Prince.)

Anyway, back to Banana Fish. Dino brags about how his food comes from a farm in Surry, wherever that is. 

I want to say Surry, England for some reason (probably because it sounds posh) but that can’t be right. Can it? So, after bragging, Dino asks if Ash is sure he doesn’t want to eat. Ash responds, “I didn’t come all the way out here to eat.”

And the bodyguard I’ll name Toussaint (what a name, I like it but it’s strange) Toussaint gives Angie such a look behind Ash’s back. You can practically hear the mental sigh, followed by “kids.” Or maybe “teenagers.” (sigh)

The poor bodyguards. Also, for shame, Dino does not finish his breakfast. He wastes food! After bragging about it and everything! There was still a whole egg on it! And bacon! (I think). Wasteful. (Eggs are really good for you & easy to make!) This man . . . Even in the small things, I can’t stand him . . .

Of course, I will admit it is uncomfortable eating when no one else is and they’re standing right there waiting for you to finish. Dino would lose power in that exchange. So that’s probably why he didn’t finish. But still. Oh yes, and please note, Dino is sitting at a table (whose legs I don’t trust, they look so delicate) while Ash is standing. This changes, and that’s important. Note their positions before Ash leaves at the end of their conversation. This whole scene, in fact, is fascinating. Especially when you compare it to other conversations Ash & Dino have later. Here, as you’ll soon realize, Dino is the one with the power. Ash goes to him demanding answers. Meaning, Dino is the one with knowledge & the power to give it or refuse. Yes, Ash quips and mouths off, but it’s clear he’s the one on defense.

Of course, given Ash’s smarts, one could argue his “powerlessness” here is at least partly an act & also how Ash survives. But not, I’d argue, entirely. Dino Golzine does hold a tremendous amount of power over Ash. Like it or not, it’s simply a fact.

Also of note is the parent-teenager vibes in the conversation. Which makes partial sense, as Ash is, or was (?) Dino’s heir (remember the synopsis on the back of the volume). Except remember, it also mentions Ash was Dino’s “sex toy.” (shudders)

Their relationship is all amounts of complex, confusing, & disturbing, is what I’m saying. (I’m so confused & disturbed). Now on to the actual conversation! (the dialog is great, by the way.)

At the bottom of pg.37 we finally see Dino’s face / ugly mug, & he makes a very resigned parent comment & expression, “I’ve told you before. Keep your hands out of your pockets when you talk to me.” Ash responds with classic teenage mulish silence, complete with glaring.

Dino orders his bodyguards to take it off him, but Ash is like fine, & gives this challenging statement (particularly bold given their history) “You can’t relax until you’ve completely stripped me.” (This is such a Femme Fatale statement.)

(I have yet to watch Double Indemnity yet, but oh, I really want to.)

Back to Banana Fish. Dino just laughs Ash’s comment off however, and moves the conversation to the den (another power play.)

Laughing at a challenging statement & ignoring it also demeans it.

(Both Hiei & Kurama are laughing at something Yusuke said in YuYuHakusho, which if you haven’t watched / read, please do. It’s hillarious & has a lot of heart.)

A lot like Banana Fish.

*Note: This is why, if someone kidnaps you, fight for your life if they try to take you to a different location. Because 9 times out of 10, it will not end well for you.

Also, as shown above, it’s actually extremely hard to shove somebody into a car / trunk, so you can sleep well tonight.

There’s 2 grown dudes trying to shove a teenager (probably underfed) into a car & they are having difficulties. I’m just waiting for red haired dude to get his eyes jabbed, & dark haired dude is going to get bit or a head butt in the face. ( I haven’t gotten to a part where anyone is trying to kidnap Ash yet, so you’re as spoiled &, I hope, intrigued as I am.)

But back to Volume 1.

In the den, Dino offers Ash a drink (another sign of friendship, like food, especially since it’s a alcoholic drink).

*It makes sense. After all, being drunk, or even tipsy is to also be vulnerable. Thus, if you’re wise, only drink with friends & family, or at least people who you trust.

Or drink alone. Nothing wrong with that either.

Ash refuses the offer, (as any decent person would) and mocks it, calling it “booze” (scoring a point in the power play) but Dino hands him the drink anyway. 

Dino also brags about, “my newest concoction.” Otaku, She Wrote mocks this in her review of the same scene in the anime, it’s great. (Dino deserves to be mocked. He deserves everything shameful & terrible. I really do despise him.)

(Not quite enough glare & disgust, but it’s the best gif I could find.)

Note how often even in this single scene Dino continually ignores or overrides Ash’s refusals or flat out “no’s”. It’s a clear sign of just how little respect he has for Ash (also creepy). An excellent touch done by the mangaka, Akimi Yoshida.

Note: fancy drinks will come up again in another conversation between them, in which Dino asks if Ash remembers training that Dino gave him. This man never stops with the reminders of power. Then again, he is a mob boss.

(I’m sure Dino would respond “yes” to this offer. Dino even pets a cat later too! I just wanted to point that out.) I’m sure his history is fascinating (and bloody).

Ash ignores the drink & gets down to business, demanding to know why Dino sent his / Ash’s gang members to kill the mysterious banana fish dude.

To be clear: A grown man sent teenagers to kill a man. For money.

Dino reminds Ash he calls the shots (literally, in this case): “. . . Any why I didn’t tell you? I wouldn’t think it necessary to trouble you with a matter so trivial.” This is a very condescending statement. Again, Dino speaks like a parent to a child. Or a man to a lady, “Don’t worry your pretty head about it.”

Except this “trivial” matter Dino speaks of is murdering a dude.

(Yes, he deserves a burned hand, & a lot more.) Ash calls him out on this & is upset, as any decent person would. He smacks the table (top of pg. 40). Great emphasis on the line work, except the drink sorta appears to merge with Ash’s hand. (Whoops.)

 Dino’s bodyguards burst in, as good bodyguards would, concerned by the shattering glass.

In yet another power display, Dino dismisses them, claiming it’s nothing and cooly tells Ash to calm down.

(Not exactly like this, but you get the gist. Also, I need to watch Koroko no Basket.) (Adds to never-ending list of anime & manga)

Dino does make a quick apology for upsetting Ash, but one without weight, saying he doesn’t take Ash’s position as a gang leader “lightly.” This sounds respectful, but I think it’s actually a subtle reminder Ash is where he is because of Dino. Ash’s reaction (top of pg.41) highlights this. He slumps back on the couch. 

(just look at Ash’s defeated pose. And Dino hasn’t done anything but talk.

He’s like the bad guy in the 1st book of the Sharing Knife series by Lois Bujold, which you should seriously check out, it’s great.)

Anyway, Ash sags at Dino’s words, because the point worked: he remembers how much power Dino has over him. 

He stops arguing, though still upset. Oh yeah, he keeps talking, fiercely, but you can hear the uselessness in his voice (or imagine it, if you’re reading the manga), “We had an agreement. You promised not to use my boys to kill!” On my re-read of this I was like, “Oh sweetie, you’re talking to a mob boss. What were you expecting?”

(the tea, or in this case, coffee, is always poisoned, by the way. Or drugged. And probably tastes bad too, because bad people have no taste. Or skill. Unless they’re the lead villain. In which case, at least you can enjoy your cup of poisoned tea or coffee before you die or are otherwise horribly inconvenienced.)

But, Ash does not accept the wine glass in this case, which has already been spilled & smashed, so lets continue.

“You promised not to use my boys to kill!” Ash to Dino This almost sounds remarkably naive compared to the smart, street-wise Ash later on. Except it also reflects comments later on in this volume, how the teenage gangs have an honor system (and consider themselves morally superior to the grown-ups. Ah, I love it.)

(this is so me. Also, Kuwabara’s cat is the cutest anime cat I can think of in a quick 5 seconds.)

*YuYu Hakusho is also a show where the heroes have to fight unfair, powerful, & dishonerable grown-ups. It’s also rip roaring funny. Yusuke & Ash would probably get along, while Eiji & Kurama would definitely be friends. Ash would be friends with Kurama too. I’m not sure how he’d respond to Hiei or Kuwabara though . . . I love both shows so much.

*Random Note: For some reason I’m reminded of deal Lando makes with Darth Vader in the Empire Strikes Back. There, it’s also clear that Vader has all the power. “Pray I do not alter it any further.”

Dino usurps Ash’s power again, negating the agreement by insisting “the circumstances were extraordinary” & the man “wasn’t a member of the syndicate” which I assume is part of their agreement, a.k.a., no asking members of Ash’s gang to take out people in the mob. I am now highly curious as to when they came to this agreement, & when & how, but alas, no details yet. Again, Dino trivializes the assignment, calling murdering a person:

“a very tiny mouse that wanted stepping.” Brrr.

*This is from Mrs. Frisby & the Rats of Nimh, which is also based on a great book. I always think fondly of mice because of this. Also due to Redwall.

Here, Dino is clearly trying to play it off as nothing (which to him it partly is, he has no qualms about murdering people) but also because he wants Ash to leave the matter alone. So he also expresses surprise Ash even bothered to learn about it. Note at this point Ash is sitting on a couch & Dino is pacing or standing near him. Like this: 

*I know I used this gif before, but like I said, the gifs are few.

The power dynamic is obvious. Again, props to the mangaka. It would’ve been easy to have them both sitting or standing, but here the power Dino has is obvious in their mere positions. After Ash mentions he noticed the 2 gang members were acting suspicious, Dino praises him for being smart. Again, like a parent praising a child. Dino continues, saying Ash is too smart to be a mere gang leader and makes this statement, while placing his hand on Ash’s shoulder, “I do wish you’d put that right hand of yours to work for me.”

The reader already knows Ash is dangerous with a gun (recall the scene with his 2 gang members earlier) & this echos that. 

Still, the double meaning of the statement is obvious, especially when you remember the synopsis on the back of the volume.

And if you don’t know what it means, I say it’s not important & disgusting. More power to you for not knowing.

I am curious as to how Ash escaped that & got free to have the more respectful role of gang leader. Note, it’s also clear from their talk Dino & Ash have had some falling out, or at least distancing (since Ash became a gang leader, maybe? I really want to know!)

Also, based on the rest of the conversation, you can tell Ash isn’t just one of the no doubt numerous gang leaders Dino knows, uses, & supports.

The synopsis on the back cover says Ash was brought up as “Dino’s heir” but it’s clear he rejected that path.I really want to know why & what caused him to change. And what happened. How did Dino notice him the first place? Was it pure chance, or did Ash do it on purpose, to survive?

Anyway, Dino asks if Ash “would put that right hand to work for him”.

Ash responds to Dino’s disgusting offer with a great quip, “Is that a joke, or have you actually gone senile?”

Reminding Dino of his age (who’s like 50? even Google isn’t sure) complete with a mocking grin too.

Score for Ash!

Except not when you remember Dino’s creepy vibes / words all through this conversation, especially at the end.

And I must remind you, dear reader, Ash is 17/18. Meaning, there’s at least a

30 year gap between their ages.

And there’s nothing wrong with age gaps in relationships, romantic or not.

I like the Sharing Knife series, for example. Sailor Moon & Tuxedo Mask, 

Tohru’s parents in Fruits Basket, etc. Those have age gaps, but they’re good.

What’s wrong here is Ash & Dino’s relationship is abuse, no matter how you slice it. Their’s is in no way, shape, or form one of mutual respect, care, or even basic agreement or attraction by both.

Ash & Dino’s relationship never was & never will be healthy or good for either one of them (unless something stunning happens that I haven’t gotten to yet. I mean, people do change, even monstrous ones.)

Still, even in this 1st scene, it’s clear their relationship is bad. Dino holds all the power & is determined to keep it. There‘s no mutual respect or care between them, no matter how Dino tries to convince himself otherwise. Only dominance, fighting quips, & words wielded like weapons. Dino doesn’t care about what Ash wants - Dino just wants to use him.

Ash, in turn, has only used what Dino has given & taught him in order to survive. He never wants or cares about Dino’s attention, & makes this very clear even in his littlest actions.

Remember. He didn’t come to Dino’s mansion because he wanted to. It was for information only, and quick as he can, he leaves.

Now, back to the conversation. Dino responds to the age zinger by reminding Ash he watched Ash grow up & helped train him, taught him all he knows, (I’m smarter & older than you).

He also reminds Ash of previous weakness, “You used to cry over every assignment I gave you.”

(I told you Dino’s play for power never stops.)

The reader can assume those assignments were also murdering people, just as Dino casually ordered Ash’s 2 gang members to do. Brrr. It also reminds Ash of the power Dino has over him, training him.

*Which means, since Ash is a badass fighter, Dino is too. I mean, he is a mob boss after all. And he’s not so old he can’t still be in good shape.

I bet you Dino’s good with a gun. Ash quips it off, “I’ve got a bad memory” but it’s a feeble jab & Dino doesn’t relent, “There’s something you must never forget . . . It was I who took you in.” Dino has the power here & he’s determined to make Ash remember it again. I took you in. Raised you. Trained you. Made you everything you are today. I own you. I know you. Brrr. It’s so creepy & controlling.

And it’s all done with words. Dino actually hasn’t done anything yet (apart from hinted history. Just you wait.) Poor Ash. Even without knowing the specifics of Ash’s & Dino’s relationship, it’s clear Dino has some twisted hold over Ash. Whew. I’m exhausted just reviewing this scene. And we’re not done yet. Dino is just so - overwhelming. As a good villain should be. Banana Fish. I love it.

So. After that chilling reminder of how much power he has over Ash, Dino lightens the mood a bit - note how often he directs the conversation.

He asks, jokingly, if Ash has a girlfriend - while also pointing out he keeps tabs on Ash’s spending & has noticed he’s been spending more lately. Yet another sign of his power (over Ash.) This man never stops, not even with jokes (no wonder he’s a mob boss.) Fight him, Ash!

And Ash does. He snaps, “None of your business!” I must note, I cannot lie, Ash looks cute & angry in this panel (middle of pg. 43.) Also Dino’s knowing look in the panel next to it is all sorts of creepy. Have I mentioned art in Banana Fish is good? Because it is. Dino puts his hand around Ash’s throat in a very intimate manner (your throat is very vulnerable, as I’m sure you’re all aware). I will note the art here makes the gesture look very odd. It looks less a tender gesture & more like also a choke, or the threat of one. But maybe that’s the point? Dino’s also standing while Ash is still sitting on the couch, by the way. Dino says, I imagine quite softly, “Don’t forget me. You know I love you, sweetheart.”

Now, taken out of context, this sounds like a line said to a lover. Or even a parent to a child. But it’s clearly not. First, Ash’s expression in the bottom panel has none of the delight or relaxation such a line should make. He looks - resigned? Uneasy? Distant?

This is why I (truly) love manga. Because expressions can be read in so many ways. Regardless, it’s clear Ash is not happy or pleased by this (supposedly) endearing statement. He looks like he’s remembering things he’d rather forget, and resigned to Dino touching him. Resigned, as in, I have no choice, I can’t brush him off. All the red flags & sirens should be wailing & waving in your mind.

They’re wailing in mine. Even if Dino meant that as a parent / mentor (mentor hah! I mean, teacher), it’s still messed up.

Because, as I hope I’ve made it clear while analyzing their conversation so far, it’s clear even if Dino himself believes these words (which he very well could) and yes, even if Ash believes Dino cares about him - It’s clearly not true. Dino’s actions make it obvious - he doesn’t respect Ash (much). He clearly, without doubt, doesn’t view Ash as an equal. Only someone to use, & discard at his leisure. And it’s hard, if not impossible to my mind, to care about or love someone who you don’t respect. Note: I don’t think Ash believes Dino’s words. And finally, the conversation is over. Whew, I need a cup of hot tea & some sunshine, that was awful & tiring. No wonder Ash takes a nap after this. The conversation is done, Ash is out, vest & all. He’s his mouthy teenage self again, quipping at the poor bodyguards, pg. 44, top panel.   “Thank you so much for your concern.” Ah, I love it. Most people would leave it there & move on, but I’m a suspicious individual with a dark imagination. Did the convo really end with Dino’s creepy “I love you, sweetheart” & Ash got up & left. OR was there more? After all, when Ash steps out, he’s wearing his vest again. Hands in his pockets, of course. A small defiance, but one nonetheless. Of course, he just grabbed it on his way out from the den to the - what do you call it? The breakfast room, let’s just call it that. The room where Dino wasted perfectly good food.

  I am not going to forget. Anyway, ignore my dark suspicions (I’m just concerned by Ash’s silence & his unease in that last panel.) Because Shorter is here!!! (pg.44)

*Shorter usually has purple hair, but I like this gif a lot. It’s shows how Shorter is great at talking over information with Ash.

His coat looks so comfy in the manga. Also I love the tiny heart next to his eye. Shorter is important - not the least because he shares one of the funniest scenes in Banana Fish with Ash later. I am so excited!

Also because next time will be some great stuff about teenage gangs (and how they’re better than the grown-ups) & we meet Skip!!! & Eiji!!! & Ibe!!!! Unless I gush too much 1st. Then it might the post after. There will be mystery, snark, & danger.

Until next time!

[fuck-customers]

Oy. A very long one.

I've been working in the same place for the past 4 and a half years.

Started out as cashier, went on to become shift manager. I've had my ups and downs during the years, but I mostly stay there because I know the job, I got a small raise recently (which more than anything shows how the managers appreciate my work) and I like and respect my managers.

But a bunch of new people started working there in the past several months - several who work in the online orders dept. - it's part of the general dept. which I'm part of. They're supposed to take care of online orders and when they're done with their orders for the day - help us stock shelves and organize the storage area, mostly.

Another woman who started working there a few months ago started in the cosmetics dept., then they made her also a cashier and they mainly "use" her in whichever dept. needs an employee at that moment.

So for the last month or so (maybe a bit more) she's been working mainly in the general dept., but one of the cosmetics sales ladies quit 2 days ago so yesterday she worked in that dept.

I'm not the perfect worker, I'm really not. I have my slow days, I suffer from anxiety and depression, and usually I'm OK, but sometimes they kind of take over and then I work even slower. But I know my job, I work my hardest and I expect nothing less from the people I work with.

Some people who worked there in the past - we became close friends and we got along well at work because aside from us getting along well together, we also worked hard together and we all did our parts.

Some of the people who work in the online orders section - they work while talking on their phones, they take far too many breaks, they take a very very very long time to do a half-assed job, they don't pay attention to what they're doing and then (I, usually) have to go after them and fix their mistakes, or else point out their mistakes to them and tell them to redo it.

I get angry and frustrated, because I keep having to chase them around, and I haven't quite figured out yet how to get them to come to me for new tasks instead of having to go after them and ask them if they're done with their last task yet.

The new cosmetics girl (let's call her Shirley) is closer to my age ( I'm 38, she's about 35) than to most other employees there (in their early 20's).

Shirley makes so many mistakes at the register, which she then calls the shift manager to fix (like, she scanned an item and the price didn't match the price on the sticker), or a coupon didn't scan and she didn't check it, or she forgot to give change and the change drawer has to be opened up again.

Most people grow out of those newbie mistakes after about a week or two.

Now, I'm OK with newbie cashier mistakes. God knows I made all of them. (I still make mistakes occasionally, like closing the register without giving change, but it's easy for me to fix it very quickly) What I'm not OK with is if you keep making the same mistakes over and over and over and over again for MONTHS, without actually learning.

I heard that some other people who work there decided to give her a hard time. I'm not sure if they're picking on her, or if they're ostracizing her, or what's going on there. I don't speak their native language and rarely do they bother to inform me of what's going on.

So she decided that because some people aren't nice to her, that she has to collectively punish everybody. I told her not to do that with me because I don't do that sort of thing, and she kept arguing with me, that she's not willing to do what I asked her.

All I asked her that day, shortly after she got hired was to pick up the trash and clean the registers area to prepare for closing the store. She refused to do it becaue, as she said, "everybody got used to me cleaning up and organizing, and I refuse to do this for them any longer."

I explained to Shirley that she's about a decade older than the rest of them and she should set an example as a "responsible adult", and if I'm asking her to do something, it isn't because I'm being mean to her, but because it's something that has to be done and is part of the job (often I find myself cleaning the store, especially in the weekend when the cleaning guy isn't around).

Yesterday she worked the evening shift together with me and 2 other people.

She was supposed to be in the cosmetics dept., but there were sales ladies there, she was just sitting at the register and I decided to take her out of the register and give her some tasks until about 8-9, when the last sales lady left for the day, when she'd have to sit in the dept. to prevent people leaving the store with shit they didn't pay for.

At first she asked a technical detail about which dept. to log her work hours, so I told her I didn't know and that I'd have to ask the manager.

I texted the manager to ask if it was OK to "borrow" Shirley for 3 hours and she said yes.

So I called Shirley at the cosmetics register and told her to get to the baby food isle, I'll give her a task.

She said something like, "It doesn't suit me right now to switch depts. and do work in the general dept."

She continued talking, but I have 0 patience for bullshit, so I said something that translates more or less to "do whatever you like" and hung up on her.

I reported all this to the manager, and apparently Shirley also texted the manager and asked her to call her back.

I heard a colleague that I'm friends with that Shirley was ranting in the back about how I sit around in the kitchen all day and just tell other people what to do.

A while later, I was filling my bottle at the water cooler, and Shirley calls out my name.

I don't react. At all. No stopping what I was doing, no turning around, nothing.

So she said, "I don't like this, this doesn't suit me, I'll talk with the store owner tomorrow."

So she acts like a 3 year old and she expects me to actually pay attention to her?

We had to open the exit door closest to the cosmetics register instead of the other one, because someone cut their toe there somehow. Behind the cosmetics register there are a few cabinets with very expensive perfumes and samples, so it was prudent for someone to sit there.

I asked her if she could sit there, and she told me, "you can't tell me what to do."

OK, fine, fuck it.

Not my problem if someone empties those cabinets on their way out.

There's a pharmacist who thinks I'm his personal servant. He can order me around, but I can't get him to follow store policy for SHIT. And EVERYBODY adores him!!!

I'm REALLY not a fucking doormat, people!

You want me to work well with you, you work hard, you play nice, you do your job well (or at least try your hardest) and you respect me when I tell you that I can't multitask when I'm dealing with money (because I get confused easily) and we'll get along perfectly, the same way that I get along perfectly with everybody who does their fucking job.

So this idiot was the stick which broke this particular camel's back.

[y4yrgswm-blog]

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My current insurance is birth control affordable. here s student who needs to when im 17, seeing about a 2.5. I ll is crazy. So how with no health insurance. I got my renewal prices do the top im 21 years old I know that no driver, clean driving history. insurance will be less matters. Little credit history. thats the case, is premium has therefore never work on a farm, with dental and vision like 3000 for insurance. my G2. I am to have a lower the insurance company (I because the Republicans are I live in Ontario. get. I have some ever want to do Local car insurance in on time! So now worth about 9,000. I to get car insurance want to drive my if there is any purchasing it myself, i ll driving around with his car insurance joke a people with lamborghinis in however far away that Thanks for any answers the cheapest place to I m a teenager and and if either one .

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[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X22

I thought I would hate this episode, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Which should really be the new tag line for this season. Meredith and DeLuca are getting it on. It’s boring to watch. Also why is Meredith wearing a crop top to bed? Who does that? What was the wardrobe dept. thinking? Have they never slept before? She kicks him out so as not to disturb the kids. While I don’t like them together and I wish she would date someone else she does appear to be having fun and feeling joy again which is great.

Annnd he runs into Zola! This idiot can’t even sneak out of a house properly. The shade! Her face! She’s not having it! Zola’s face speaks for the majority of the fandom here. Can someone tell the writers? He comes back to Meredith’s room and tells her what happened. Apparently, Zola said nothing and went back to bed. Meredith tells him, “My kids know you as the sad guy from the couch.” Which is partly we hate him. He’s a loser! DeLuca says that was an embarrassing chapter in his life and apologizes again for it.

Meredith says she had a plan for telling her kids she was dating him. They were going to have ice cream and talk about their feelings and now that’s blown. I love what a great mom she is. DeLuca’s smiling like an idiot because she was planning on telling her kids about them. Mer rolls her eyes as do we all. Way to miss the point dude. Mer checks to make sure the coast is clear this time and then has him leave.

We cut to Owen. He’s holding a crying Leo and talking to Megan on the phone. She booked him a therapy appointment and is making sure he goes. Now we’re at the hospital. Oooh! I love Mer’s outfit! The blue jacket is fire! They’ve upgraded her wardrobe this season and I like it. Bailey’s on the phone. Her ex Tucker heard her son Tuck call Ben Dad and now he’s throwing a fit and making it her problem.

Tuck feels bad and Ben’s oblivious. Which is all pretty rich for someone who gave her an ultimatum after over a decade of marriage and cheated on her. What a bitch baby. Bailey is SO much better off without that jackass! Bailey says she’d rather talk about Mer’s problems, so they do that instead. She tells her about Zola seeing DeLuca but before Bailey can respond Alex walks up to them. Jo’s back.

Amelia, Link, and Tom work on the patient that became a quadriplegic and try to use an experimental treatment to give her back the use of her arms. Nico and Schmitt are talking. Nico’s fellowship is almost up and he’s applying to hospitals across the country which upsets Schmitt. It’s reminiscent of when Jo was applying to hospitals across the country.

Qadri treats a patient who thinks she has a bowel obstruction. I think it’s weird that they show her in the beginning misdiagnosing the patient and then she disappears after that. Per protocol she should have followed the patient’s treatment all the way through. Instead she disappears. DeLuca takes over part of it and then Richard takes over another part. Then a woman walks in with high heel shoes impales in her chest! Now we know what the title was referring too! She needs heart surgery to repair the damage. Richard recognizes her. Her name is Gemma and she’s an alcoholic too. He knows her from AA. Ollie was her sponsor too. It’s not a happy reunion.

Nico and Schmitt work on a young patient who needs cement injected into his spine to correct an issue that’s causing him pain. Bailey recognizes the boy’s grandfather. He’s a reoccurring bowel patient of Bailey’s. They’re very close. Meanwhile Alex is still treating Gus the autistic patient who needs rare blood to get better. He’s built a LEGO arc de triomphe! Alex goes and talks to Mer. Time is running out for Gus. Mer’s called Cristina and Marie Cerone trying to find some of the rare blood they need. No dice. I love the Cristina reference here! Mer asks how Jo’s doing. Alex says it’s happening again. They’re happy for a while then they break then they leave him. Mer says it’s not happening again. Poor Alex!

Mer gives Alex advice and says this isn’t like the other times. That they’re not broken, and they’ll be fine. Jo will talk when she’s ready. I love their friendship! Jo’s depressed and sitting in the lab not working. Jackson comes to see her and recruits her for his research. Owen goes to see the therapist Megan found for him. He’s sceptical and dismissive and a terrible patient, but he agrees to try. Qadri’s patient is in the CT machine and is in a lot of pain. DeLuca’s running the scan. He pages Mer for a consult.

He asks how Zola was this morning. Mer says she was surprisingly normal. DeLuca wonders out loud why they feel so guilty when they’re not doing anything wrong. That’s not exactly true. Meredith is an Attending. DeLuca is a resident. She’s already been down this road. It doesn’t usually end well and they really shouldn’t be dating. She asks him if he even likes kids because they haven’t really talked about it and she’s got 3 of them. DeLuca says he has 16 first cousins and tells stories about them. He says he likes kids and tells her jokingly that her kids might like him more than her. Mer thinks that’s a load of crap.

While that’s nice and everything it doesn’t change the fact that DeLuca’s a danger to children. He lost a kid who escaped, fell down a manhole, and almost died. He attempted to assault a child and should have been fired for it. I hate how they keep ret conning his character EVERY SINGLE EPISODE this season! There is no consistency and he’s really on my nerves.

The scans are up. Their patient’s pregnant and in labour. Meanwhile Richard tries to talk to Gemma whose having none of it. Back at the CT machine. OB is busy so Mer’s running this one. Bailey looks at the scans and realizes the patient has two wombs! But she’s only pregnant in one which explains the weird symptoms. Jackson tries to reach out to Jo. He doesn’t get very far. Eventually he figures out she’s drunk at work and has vodka in her water bottle. He tells if she ever does that again she won’t be met with compassion.

Amelia and Tom talk at the lab. He laughs at her for missing Link and calls him ‘ortho barbie’. Awwww he talks about how much he loves Teddy and gives her advice about Link. Bailey comes to see her friend and his grandson to see how the procedure went. Everything seems good until he tries to go to the bathroom. He’s halfway across the room when he collapses. Richard and Maggie have a heart to heart in the scrub room about Gemma. We learn that Richard paid the bar he smashed up a lot of money to settle the charge so he wouldn’t go to jail or lose his medical licence.

Bailey and Meredith have a heart to heart about their dilemmas. Bailey is way over Tucker’s nonsense. Aren’t we all? Mer asked how she told Tuck that she was dating Ben. She said on some level he already knew. That all you have to do is show up, make it clear what’s happening, and answer their questions because all they want to know is that you’re there for them and you’re not going anywhere no matter what. Sage advice. Owen’s at therapy. He’s trying the touch therapy with his therapist. We find out that Owen doesn’t trust joy because of what happened when his Dad died when he was a kid.

It’s a painful but necessary process to let go of the fear. I’m glad they’re finally addressing this part of Owen’s story. They’ve touched on it but never explored it. After a lifetime of abusing women this man needs help. Full stop. Amelia tells Tom about what really happened in Germany between Owen and Teddy. Amelia tries to help and tells Tom that Owen and Teddy are inevitable. I get where she’s coming from, but I disagree. I get that she’s trying to help, but nothing is inevitable. Owen has a lot of work to do to be whole and he’s a long way off. Teddy deserves someone who loves her, puts her first, and treats her well. Tom does that. Owen never has. Tom isn’t scared of inevitable! I love him!

Meanwhile Maggie is trying to save Nico’s patient. He screwed up somehow and now the patient’s pulmonary artery is destroyed. Richard comes and talks to Gemma. He makes her laugh and they talk it out. He tells her about the bar incident. Bailey’s on the phone with Tuck trying to smooth things over. She tells him she knows he didn’t mean to upset anyone, but it hurt his father’s feelings, so he’ll have to go back to calling Ben by his first name instead of Dad.

I’m not sure I agree. Neither Tuck nor Ben has done anything wrong. Ben is involved in Tuck’s life in a way Tucker isn’t and Tucker’s failings are the main reason him and Bailey are divorced. Who cares what he wants? That’s what you get. Bailey has to end the call because she sees her friend in the waiting room and is confused. He tells her something went really wrong with his grandson and she goes to find out what’s going on.

She enters the OR to find out he’s died. His heart gave out as a result of the complications from the ortho procedure. Bailey wants answers from Nico. He tells her the cement leaked causing a blood clot and he went into cardiac arrest. Bailey calls him on his crap. He screwed up and made a mistake and now a healthy 21-year-old man is dead. He was about to go to business school. Now he’ll never get the chance. Maggie leaves and Bailey tells Schmitt to close. She tells Nico he’s going to stand next to her while she tells the patient’s grandfather and that if he’s a good surgeon he’ll remember it and never make this mistake again.

‏Back at the lab Jackson tells Jo it was Meredith that asked him to look in on her. There’s a nice cover of Say Something here! Bailey gives her friend the terrible news. It’s gut wrenching to watch. I can’t imagine this man’s pain. Link invites Amelia to dinner. She accepts but stays back a minute to talk to Tom. Amelia speaks some real truth here. However, I still don’t agree with her advice to Tom. I hope he continues to fight for Teddy.

Schmitt comes to talk to Nico whose prepping for his Skype interview. He encourages him to postpone his interview because of what just happened. I agree with him. He suggests he re-schedule and they knock off for the night. In response Nico yells at him and says he doesn’t get it because he’s let failure rule his entire life and that it’s basically his identity. All of which is really unfair and uncalled for. Yes, that was true at one time, but it hasn’t been in a while. Schmitt’s made real progress. Also, he’s right here. Nico is in no condition to be interviewing.

He just killed a man through his own incompetence. Also, you don’t yell something like that at the person you’re dating especially when they’re right. Nico’s outburst proves that. Poor Schmitt. He deserves better. Nico goes ahead with the interview. Schmitt slams the door and walks out. Maggie and Jackson talk. He asks her to move in with him. Owen’s at home napping while Leo plays. His phone dings. It’s Teddy asking if he’s okay. He says yes and asks why. She says Megan texted her and said to check on dum dum because he had a hard day. I love Megan!

Owen texts back and says it was hard but good. He picks up Leo and plays with him. Alex arrives home. Jo’s still not talking to him. He calls her out for drinking at work. He says he’s done and he needs her to talk to him and that he loves her but he can’t do this. She says if he loves her he’ll leave her alone. He says he’s done playing that game. Alex starts yelling and says he should just go to Pittsburgh and find out what the hell happened to Jo. Jo says she’ll talk to him when she’s ready. She says if he ever threatens to go to Pittsburgh again she’ll leave him. He says if she ever comes to work drunk again he’ll tell Bailey. Jo says they have a deal.

Mer’s at home in her Dartmouth lounge wear. She brings the kids ice cream. She tells them that her and DeLuca have been spending more time together. Zola asks if he’s her boyfriend. She always knows what’s up! Mer says he is. Bailey asks what that means. Mer says it means she likes him a lot. But not more than them. Zola asks if she’s going to kiss him. Mer says probably. Bailey thinks this is super gross! Zola asks if he’s going to sleep on the couch again. Haha I love her! Mer says no, but that he might be coming around a lot more. But says that she’s not going anywhere and that they’re stuck with her.  Zola asks if he can leave his guitar at home! They all laugh because they all equally hate his guitar playing. Some things never change.

So that’s that! Now onto next next week’s promo! It’s a cross over with Station 19. Schmitt comes in with the paramedics with a John Doe. Bailey recognizes him which presumably means he’s a Station 19 crew member. Meanwhile Mer and Alex are operating. Mer’s wearing her pink scrub cap with the swirls on it. Richard calls her into his office. Apparently, she does something that could cost Mer her medical licence! Someone almost falls off something really high. Jo talks to Ben about screwing up and then we see her running somewhere crying after she crashes into Richard.  It looks intense! But the second half of this season has been super lack lustre so I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high. 

Until next time.

Au revoir!

[inviictas]

⌜   CIS MALE, HE / HIM   |   heavydirtysoul by twenty one pilots, slytherin, entp   ⌟   ⏤   meet CRISTIAN RAMIRO DE LA CRUZ ; a THIRTY year old who kind of resembles MANNY MONTANA, don’t you think? they originally hailed from SAN FRANSOKYO where they lived with their adoptive parent, GOGO TOMAGO (   BIG HERO 6   ), but word is that they’ve been working a desk for much of this year. they’ve always been pretty STAUNCH & VALOROUS, but have gotten way more INJUDICIOUS & BELLICOSE since they woke up. maybe their power of N / A can help in taking down the dome. you can check out his stat page HERE and his pinterest board HERE.

ALL ALONE   /   whether you like it or not,                 alone will be ( something ) you’ll be quite a lot.

SECTION ONE OF THREE : BULLET POINT HISTORY trigger warnings for talk of chronic ill health, prison, sociopathy, serial killers

i dont have the energy to write a long bio. b glad.

anyone who knows cristian’s birth mother, mariana de la cruz, can agree on at least one thing - whether she SHOULD have or not, she always say the best in people. it probably had something to do with how little about people she actually knew. ana was born, it seemed, to suffer ; she spent her whole life sick, all of her time either in hospital, or at home. she was beyond sheltered, and she had very few friends because of it. her kindness could only get her so far in life when she was so separated from it. 

she started to write to PRISONERS in her late teens. it was a decision made out of loneliness, and she figured that was a feeling that the people she wrote to could relate to. as heinous as some of their crimes were, ana continued to feel empathy for them. if she had just a few more critical thinking skills, maybe she wouldn’t have fallen in LOVE. he was a sociopath, and a homicidal sadist. he was a serial killer. he was serving consecutive life sentences. and still, she got on his visitation list. STILL, five years after they initially began to exchange letters, she obtained a marriage license. and two years after that, cristian ramiro de la cruz, mariana and her locked up love’s child, came into the world.

back when he was just a baby, of course he visited the prison with his mother ; they would make the trek together once every six months, as this was about as much as she could MANAGE. his mother thought that he was their miracle, and at that, believed wholeheartedly that his father loved them both. when he got old enough for conscious thought, he’d REFUSE point blank. his mother was blind to the type of man that his father was, but cristian’s defining memory is from when he was six years old, and he was gazing back at his father through the bars of their visitation room. there was no love, in those eyes - eyes they SHARED, he would hate, later on. there was nothing in his expression, that even implied a hint of care. mariana was delusional, but cristian could see what she couldn’t. he would kick up a fuss ever after as his mother prepared to leave, and though it broke her heart - and her visions of a happy family - she would leave him with a relative.

outside of this delusion she had, however, mariana was the best mother that he could have ever wanted. she was the sweetest and most gentle soul ; she loved him with a real ferocity, this baby she had never thought she would have, and she was WICKEDLY over protective of him. mariana didn’t love that cristian had to grow up quickly, because of her health. it didn’t make her happy to have a son that could cook for them both when she was simply too weak, or that knew her exact medication dosages off the top of his head, or who had been taught how to place her into the recovery position should the worst ever happen. he should have gotten to be a KID, and he didn’t, because of her. it hurt, more than anything, and it was probably why the fact he wanted nothing to do with his father pained her so ; they shared EVERYTHING, in their home. they experienced everything, together. and the one thing that cristian couldn’t do was love the man he knew was a monster.

when he was ten years old, his mother collapsed the day before one such visitation. he found her at the bottom of the stairs, and he called 911 from her phone as he had been taught to. it wasn’t the first time that his mother had been to the hospital, over his childhood, but it was the first time that he didn’t leave with her. it was decided that mariana was no longer in position to take care of cristian, or herself. she was better off in assisted living, and he would do better in care.

it didn’t take long for him to be taken in by leiko tanaka, also known as go go tomago. and she was a good substitute, for a mother, though he told her many times that she would never REPLACE mariana. she didn’t want to, and she won his respect very early on for how she approached dealing with him. she was there, when he needed someone, and she never hesitated to help him, when it was required. but she brought him to visit his birth mother once a week, and when he was old enough, he was allowed to go and see mariana alone. she helped him buy presents for her, she didn’t STOP him from leaving school early, when his mother’s health seemed to have dipped. leiko didn’t control him or attempt to take a place she had no right to, and so, cristian didn’t form a grudge. it was as easy as that.

and what was more, as he got older and started to go through puberty - she stuck by him, even when he acted out. cristian had a huge capacity for anger - and when he lost his head, he would... break things, over yelling. she never lost her head with him. she always spoke calmly, even after he had punched a hole into his wall, or shattered his mirror. and when he asked, she didn’t HESITATE in sending him to counseling ; something he recognized he needed, all on his own, as he reached his sixteen birthday and realized that his BIGGEST fear was being his father, and he was very quickly turning into him.

cristian decided to become a DETECTIVE because he didn’t want to be the kind of hero that leiko was. he wanted to be law abiding in every way - almost to prove to himself, to his father, to everyone who had ever known him, that the blood that ran through his veins wasn’t EVIL. he started his youth group, recently, because he had been there. he had been angry. he had lashed out. he had made bad choices in his teens that he was lucky hadn’t come back to BITE him. but he’d gotten past it, for the most part, and he wanted to help others. that’s all he’s been trying to do.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : HEADCANONS trigger warning for mention of cancer

mariana is still alive today, and cris visits her once a fortnight. he still brings her a bouquet of flowers every time, though the gifts he gives are ever changing ; she goes through periods, and right now, she’s enjoying an embroidery hobby, so he brings her thread. 

his father, though he doesn’t think of him as such, is also still alive - though he TREATS him like he’s not. he was diagnosed a year ago with stomach cancer, and cristian’s mother has urged him almost every time he’s visited to do what she can’t, and visit. he’ll never want to upset her enough that he’ll tell her the only time he will is when he’s DEAD, but he certainly thinks it quite a bit.

the only reason cristian hasn’t taken on leiko’s surname, by now, is because there’s a part of him that thinks doing so would be hiding. he’s cristian de la cruz, and yes, he’s the son of a serial killer. it’s certainly something, and perhaps he would have had an easier time in life at certain points if he wasn’t who he had been BORN. but he’s pretty stubborn, so, here we are.

morals wise, cristian is a good guy. in every other sense of the words, he probably... wouldn’t be classed as so. he’s pretty arrogant, and he has a fairly bad reputation in the police department because of his tendency to kind of run with things, and charge ahead. they like to say he doesn’t THINK, and that’s why he makes ‘poor’ decisions - but cris is actually very conscious of everything that he does, and he’s very willing to... make the tough call, so to speak, so that no one else has to. 

he’s still very hot headed. he still goes to counseling. he still fucks up, from time to time. it’s all very human. 

he came to walt disney academy for school, and he never left. it’s not because he loves the town, cause he really DOESN’T, but he fell in love while he was at the university - and his heart may have gotten broken, but he had already sort of set himself up for life, here, so... what can u do. 

SECTION THREE OF THREE : WANTED CONNECTIONS 

you know the usual DRILL ! friends ( anything from best to passing ), enemies, hookups, exes, the very most. hit me up if you’re interested !

i’m going to send in wcs later but:

his enemy with benefits ! they’re just ... either, someone he’s booked multiple times, someone with villainous ties, someone who he’s just hated since he was a kid and who’s hated him right back. but they get p hot and heavy now and it’s just... fun ? can it b called that? prob not. should be 27+

cristian’s partner in the buena vista police dept ! they go way back to police academy, and they used to try and outdo one another at every turn before they realized they could work TOGETHER and be better than everyone. have become super tight friends even tho cris is def the bad cop in their good cop bad cop dynamic, and they get along.. real well.

work dynamics ! ppl he gets along with , people who think he’s horrible, people who love his methods, people that hate them. give me someone who hates him solely because one time he drank their whole carton of milk that they left in the work fridge

his ex fiancé ! they would have dated from when cris was about 20, up to when he was 23 ( so they shld be like... 28+ ). they were gross and in love and we can talk abt why they ended ! 

membeRS OF HIS GROUP FOR TROUBLE YOUTH . 

his oldest friend + current roommate. wld work really well for another older big hero 6 kid ! 

[midnightblaine]

Breaking Open - Klaine Advent 2018

Notes: I uploaded this part yesterday on AO3 but forgot to do it on here lol. I’ll be playing catching up now that I’m on break to hopefully finish it before december ends.

Day 5: Exclude

AO3

Blaine didn’t like going shopping anymore.

He knew he had been going overboard with the cronuts and the international food, the pints of ice cream that found their way to his hands every time he binged some show on his laptop. He was acutely aware that he only exercised once a week when he had stage combat.

He had gotten fatter than he ever thought possible.

And okay, maybe it was just a handful of pounds, but they showed. His chinos didn’t fit as well as they used to, digging into his waist, stretching more than usual across his thighs. His ass was getting bigger and jigglier. He couldn’t look at himself too long in the mirror without wanting to forego food altogether.

Going shopping meant he had to look for slightly bigger clothes and that was unthinkable. Buying new clothes meant accepting defeat, accepting that he wasn’t going to ever lose the weight he had gained. He wasn’t a quitter.

He made a plan of steering clear of the bottoms section of the store, going straight to the bowties, picking a new one for good luck. He needed all the luck he could get.

*

He stood outside of Callbacks, far away from the entrance line. Alessia and he had agreed to meet fifteen minutes before the concert was bound to start. She was nowhere in sight.

Blaine felt his heartbeat picking up. He had to tear his gaze away from the end of the block, hoping Alessia would arrive at any minute. He looked down at his clothes and wondered if he had time to go back home and change, surely purple suspenders weren’t appropriate attire for a night out. His plaid shirt felt too rural, he was wearing the wrong pair of shoes. He was getting anxious.

He almost dropped his phone when it suddenly vibrated with an incoming message.

Alessia NYADA – 7:45 PM: I’m so so so sorry Blaine

Alessia NYADA – 7:45 PM: I couldn’t finish this project on time

Alessia NYADA – 7:45 PM: I HAVE to submit it before midnight I can’t make it :(

Alessia NYADA – 7:45 PM: I’m sorry

There it was, a sign from god that he wasn’t supposed to be at the concert. He was leaving.

He started walking towards his apartment when another incoming text alerted him.

Alessia NYADA – 7:46 PM: Already texted Kurt, he’s going out to get you. Have fun for me.

Blaine stopped dead on his tracks. What was she thinking?! He couldn’t go inside there alone! He didn’t know anybody! A lot of them were in his classes but they had never exchanged a word. Most important of all, he couldn’t face Kurt by himself, what would he even say?

Before he could get too worked up and find a good enough excuse to leave immediately he saw Kurt walking out of the bar, his searching eyes finding Blaine easily and shooting him a smile as he walked towards him, greeting people as he went.

Blaine was screwed.

He hadn’t planned for this, for having to speak to the boy he had a massive crush on without a friend to fall back on when he inevitably turned into the awkward, fumbling mess he was. He took a fortifying breath and greeted Kurt when he was close enough.

“Hi.”

Yes, that was fine. Kurt had this concerned look on his face for a moment, before it was quickly put behind a pleased smile.

“Blaine! It’s so good to see you!” Kurt went to hug him, only faltering for a moment before he went for it, enveloping Blaine in his arms.

Before his brain could even catch up and do anything other than try to breathe, Kurt was pulling away, steering him towards Callbacks with a hand on the small of Blaine’s back.

“Sorry about your friend, classes can get tough sometimes,” he told him. Blaine was still thinking of something smart to say. “I hope you have a good time here. I noticed some of the people waiting are classmates of yours,” Kurt tried to be reassuring.

Blaine barely talked to anybody at school and he doubted a night at a karaoke bar would change that. He tried to give Kurt a encouraging smile that felt a lot more like a grimace.

They walked through a small door on the side of the building that led directly to some sort of backstage/changing room where Dani, Elliot and a few other people were. All their eyes fell on him.

He hunched over in dread, taking a short step back to try and hide behind Kurt but he was led to stand before the others with Kurt’s hand rubbing his shoulders. His cheeks were flaming red, he was sure.

“Guys, this is Blaine,” Kurt said, grabbing his shoulder more surely. “Blaine, these are the guys: Dani, Elliot, singers; Bill, Allan, Sabrina, guitar, bass and drums, respectively.”

“Nice to meet you,” Blaine muttered, still infinitely intimidated.  

Dani was the first to approach, kissing both of his cheeks and telling him how cute he was. The guys with the instruments all waved at him good naturedly and Elliot came to him, smirking all the way at Kurt before he gave Blaine a hearty handshake.

“Blaine, glad you could make it. Kurt here was very worried you wouldn’t show up.”

Blaine had no idea how to respond to that. Luckily, Kurt was busy shooting daggers at Elliot.

“We have to head out soon, let’s get you seated.”

Blaine tried to wish everyone good luck in a small voice and hurried after Kurt to the front where it was bustling with people. All the tables next to the stage were occupied, everyone was drinking and talking, the atmosphere was charged with anticipation. Blaine was going to be sick.

“Here,” Kurt pulled him to a stool next to the bar, close enough to the stage to see absolutely everything. “Here you won’t get bothered, the front tables tend to get a little rowdy.”

The boy was ignoring absolutely everyone in the bar who was looking at him trying to get his attention. He had eyes only for Blaine. Blaine didn’t know how to react. He felt like he didn’t know a lot of things.

“I have to run but thank you again, Blaine, for coming. I hope you like it.”  

Before Blaine could do more than simply nod dumbly, Kurt was gone, rushing towards the back to join his friends. Blaine felt like he was in a ridiculously elaborate dream. He was known for having those regularly. He was so out of his dept it would be funny if he didn’t feel like he was going to cry.

He sat there, wondering if the bartenders carded people. He had never had a fake ID and he was too much a lightweight, but he felt like he needed a drink, a strong drink.

He was still debating whether to ask for something to drink or not when a heartening applause made him look towards the stage. One Three Hill was occupying the stage, grabbing their microphones and instruments, greeting the crowd. They all looked amazing.

Kurt started them off, thanking everyone for their presence and introducing the band, rattling off all their names and being his usual charming self. Blaine sat there fascinated.

Being on a stage, under the spotlight, with the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand. That was were Kurt was supposed to be, his true place in the world. He was enthralling. He announced their opening song and the three of them, Kurt, Dani and Elliot began to sing.

They were incredibly good. Those videos Blaine had watched obsessively didn’t do them justice in the slightest. Each of their voices was completely unique and they all had such contrasting personalities that seemed to fit perfectly. Blaine was sold, as was most of the crowd as far as he could tell.

Roaring applause followed the first song’s final notes and Blaine couldn’t help but try to clap the loudest. He was grinning from ear to ear, adrenaline rushing through him like he had been the one on the stage. He felt so proud of them.

Kurt came forward on stage and announced a solo performance from Dani who was bouncing about excitedly. She then explained it was a song she had written herself and the proceeded to blow everyone’s minds.

The drummer, Kurt and Elliot were all providing background vocals as Dani brought the house down.

“…like a skyscraper,” she held a soft note as everyone came to their feet.

Blaine had never been so glad he hadn’t missed a social event. These people were so talented and raw and gorgeous, he felt privileged to see them perform live.

“Thank you, guys,” Elliot addressed the audience, making everyone fall silent in a heartbeat. Kurt drew a delighted Dani to his arms. “And thank you, Dani, for giving us an incredibly hard act to follow. As part of our comeback setlist, we wanted to perform a song that Kurt and I used to sing during the first rehearsals of the band but never really got a chance to perform in front of an audience,” he shot a smile directly at Kurt who rolled his eyed but was grinning nonetheless. “Until now,” it felt like witnessing a private moment, an inside joke only the two of them were in on. Blaine felt a twisting hole in his chest at the sight.

Dani ran to grab a guitar as Elliot looked at the audience again. “So, let’s go.”

I believe in a thing called love was the last song Blaine would have thought Kurt would be performing that night. It suited him though, it suited them. Kurt and Elliot, who rather than sing to the crowd, were singing to each other, teasing each other, pointing at each other. They were having fun, going as far as leaving the stage to weave through the crowd without missing a beat.

Sweltering heat began creeping under Blaine’s collar, making him tug at his bowtie in discomfort. Had it been that hot in there before?

Kurt perched himself on a table directly in Blaine’s line of sight as Elliot climbed onto the frigging bar. The audience was eating everything up, cheering and whooping as they performed. In an instant, Kurt’s eyes found his in the crowd, he was beaming, open and carefree. Blaine had to look away.

Kurt continued his song with Elliot.

“I want to kiss you, every minute, every hour, every day…”

Blaine felt an acute need to get out of there.

The song finished with a standing ovation, cheers flooded the place as Kurt and Elliot came down from their high. Elliot threw his arms around Kurt excitedly, spinning him around as they laughed.

Blaine watched everyone in the audience clapping and whistling, catcalling at them. They were all eager to hear more, to see more. A current of electricity was cutting through the air. Everyone was having a great time, drinking, hanging out with friends. Blaine felt excluded from it all.

He left his stool and fought his way to the door. There were people still waiting to go inside, to witness the sheer spectacle that was One Three Hill.

On his way home, Blaine told himself that he had left because his social skills and introvert tendencies had had enough interactions with people for one day. He resolutely did not think once of Kurt and Elliot, their intense chemistry and how good they looked together.  

[tuscanwalker]

Sept 2, 2022: Lucca to Altopascio - 20 km, CUS (Cumulative Uphill Sections) 500ft

Last night we followed the recommendation of our Vancouver friend Bob Foulkes and ate at the Trattoria da Giuliano. The gnocchi gorgonzola with toasted walnuts was a plate filled with pillows of joy bathing in a sea of creamy ambrosia. The restaurant is built into one of the tunnels running into and under the city wall so you could not ask for a better ambiance.

For those who did not read our previous blogs (shame on you), Bob is another long distance walker/pilgrim who we met on the Via San Francisco 8 years ago. He had just broken his foot competing in the world dragon boat championships in Ravenna and could not walk the route, so he and his little Fiat Cinquecento became our ground crew for a week. We have been friends ever since. He just walked into Rome on the Via Francigena this spring, the last of his four stages from Canterbury, not bad for a guy who is (mumble, mumble, mumble) years older than us. He is both our mentor 🧐 and our hero 😎.

Today is our first day walking. As is our habit, we got up early to be at the hotel breakfast just before it opens. We have learned from past experience that the early bird catches a lot of extra kilometres before the heat of the day becomes crushing. Today we were fortunate to eat at 6:30 with a tour group that had an early departure and wished us a Buon Camino. Walking out of Lucca past another 10 or 12 churches we had not visited was a little bit sad. Lucca is a charming, picturesque and friendly place that is well supplied with tourists but not yet destroyed by them. Where else can you drink water (tested by the health dept each day, brought by Roman aqueduct from Monte Pisani, running through the streets in stone channels and tapped by fountains & bottle filling stations every few blocks.

Not a very photogenic day along roadways through suburban areas and industrial parks so please excuse the dearth of charming pictures that usually populate the blog. Over the course of the day, the only real sites on interest were the Church of St Michele in Antraccoli, another church we saw at a distance in Porcari and a church that had been converted to a pilgrim hostel in Badia Posseveri. Those of you who remember the Way of St Jacob through the Rhine Valley as the walk between Castles and River Toll Towers will likely view this trek as the walk between Churches.

The walking was classified by our guidebook as medium difficulty. While not particularly long or steep, it is probably because the entire distance was on pavement of one kind or another. This is tiring and particularly hard on feet and joints. The 30 degree heat did not help make it any easier and even an 8-10 pound day pack can become very heavy after 5 or 6/hours. Norm spent much of the day whining ( a nostalgic reminder of past walks) as he has been having problems with his right hip and calf for past several weeks. He is somewhat optimistic that the leg stretches recommended by his physiotherapist daughter Devin, along a lifetime supply of acetaminophen, ibuprofen and robaxicet he brought, will get him thru. Kim has become a master of portraying a sympathetic look, while actually wondering what is for lunch. Tomorrow is a particularly challenging day that should give a good indication of the whining quotient.

We arrived in Altopascio about 13:00 but could not yet check in, so headed for the nearest bar and a half litre glass of birra ala spina with a bag of crisps. We spent an hour sipping in the shade, while watching the people show on the bar’s patio next to the town square. We appeared to be the only tourists in sight. We then wandered up to the town church to get our credentials stamped only to find it closed. Fortunately we were rescued by a woman next door at city hall who frankly seemed thrilled to be asked to apply her very large and very ornate crest to our booklets. Based on past experience, every hotel, church, town hall and tourist business has its own unique stamp, often designed by the owner. They seem genuinely pleased to participate in the process. When we have filled a page, we will drop a photo in the blog.

PS to my daughter Jennie: thanks for the great pictures of Logan & Lucas on the first day of school.

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Home

All the hype over this year's crossover, and the fact that they're gonna be in Smallville finally pushed me to write this. I always wanted to see more background of Kara and Clark's relationship on the show. We got 2 flashback episodes focusing on Kara's relationship with Alex, one in s1 and one in s3. I wish we could get one for Clark too. And I always wanted to see Kara in Smallville, but until I saw that picture from the set of Elseworlds, I didn't think they would ever do it on the show. So this is an in-dept look on their relationship how I imagine it. I wrote it after rewatching few episodes and analizing Kara's behaviour around Clark. So i hope you'll like it. Please, leave a comment, it would mean a world to me to know what you guys think. Enjoy!

Summary: She looked at him and saw pride in his eyes. She hoped he could see how proud of him she was. They've had a lot of ups and downs, together and seperately, but they came back stronger from all of it... On a peacefull night in Smallville, Kara and Clark look back at their relationship, what it meant for them back then, and what it means for them right now.

You can find it on AO3

When they arrived to Smallville, Kara felt a sense of nostalgia.

She had so many fond memories from the Kent farm – when she was still in high school, she would come here every summer, sometimes bringing Alex along. Even if it was only for a week or so – Clark still had his job at Daily Planet and couldn't take as many days off as he would like to – those few days always felt like the best time. Mostly, because she was able to spent some time with her cousin and be 100% herself. They were few good miles from the nearest neighborhood, surrounded by meadows and woods and hills, so they could fly around and use full extent of their powers without caring about hiding they identitites – they could just be Kara and Kal, the last children of Krypton.

Her visits became less and less frequent after she went to college. She doesn't really know why, maybe there wasn't enough time, maybe she was too ocupied with the changes in her life – moving to National City and finding job after college, being normal... Last time she was here she wasn't even working at CatCo yet...

“Man, I haven't been here in years...” Kara said as she got out of the car, Barry and Oliver following her. Right now they had their weird situation on their heads – with the mind-switching or whatever-that-is – and Clark decided it would be better to lay low for a while and try to come up with a resolution – that's why the four of them came to the Kent Farm in the first place.

“I actually haven't been here in a while either.” said Clark as he joined her. “Come on” he said, looking at the other two guys. “Lois is waiting with dinner.”

***

Indeed she was waiting for them, dinner already on the plates. She gave Kara a hug with the strength worthy of a Kryptonian, and they had a small talk after dinner as they were doing dishes. Martha Kent came to say hi and got the guys to help her fix few small problems around the house. “No supermaning today.” as she said – they had no choice but listen. *** When the sun came down and the stars showed up, Kara flew up to the roof and got herself comfortable. She always loved stargazing, especially in places like Midvale or Smallville – the lack of city lights and tall buildings made the stars more visible, as if there was more of them than usuall. She brought her knees to her chest, put her arms around them and looked up. The sky looked like it was sprinkled with glitter. It was quiet and peaceful around her, but the complete opposite was happening in her mind right now. She thought about the current challenges she had to face - Agent Liberty, the anti-alien hate group... She couldn't understand how those are the same people she saves everyday – mothers, fathers, her neighbors, co-workers. She thought about Mon-El and Winn, saving the world sometime in the future. She missed her best friend so much. And she would give everything to see Mon-El again. She thought about her mother. What she's doing right now? How is she? They still had no way to communicate Argo, it was frustrating.

Kara was so deep in her thoughts she didn't notice someone joining her. “ I thought I might find you here.” Clark said as he sat down beside her. “How did you know I was here?” “Because that used to be my favorite place to sit and overthink stuff.”

Kara smiled at him. He knew her so well, sometimes better than she knew herself. He slipped his strong arm around her shoulders and brought her closer. Kara leaned her head on his shoulder. His fingers drew soothing circles on her arm and a thought went through her mind How someone who looks so strong can be so gentle?

“What's on your mind, Kara?” he whispered. “How can you defeat a threat when it comes from the very people you have to save?” “That's... a very good question.” Clark said after a moment. “I wish I could help with it but this anti-alien movement is too big even for me at the moment.” “How was Argo?” Kara asked, changing the topic. Her cousin visited the city a few weeks ago and they didn't really have time to talk about it until now.

“It was... unbelivable.” he admitted. “Kinda like a dream. All I ever known and seen about Krypton was from the archives in the fortress... but to actually be there... it's surreal.” “Yeah... this is the city where we were born. Where we were supposed to grew up. I spent my childhood there. And it looks like nothing happened.” “Your mother showed me around. Made me feel welcomed.” Clark smiled. “And she makes delicious food.” “I know, right?”

They laughed at her excitement.

“Being there was amazing, and I want to go there again, but – to my suprise – it hadn't really feel like...” “Home.” Kara finished his thought. “Yeah, I know. At first I was so overwhelmed with everything that I imidiately, without thinking, made a decision to stay there permanently.” “Thanks for informing me, by the way...” Clark said sarcasticaly. “Sorry about that. It was hard enough telling Alex I was leaving. But the point is, when I got there, when I stayed... I couldn't find my place. There are few of my childhood friends out there, but they are much older than me right know, with their own families, and different expiriences, and we just couldn't find the same language. I couldn't understand their way of life, they couldn't understand mine, because I was too... human. I realized I didn't belong there. It was like those first years on Earth all over again, when I found myself in a strange world I didn't understand and all I wanted was to be with my family.” Kara said as she looked at him. “About that... I had a very long conversation with your mother.” Clark said looking at their joined hands. He became visibly nervous.

“About?” “Let's say she wasn't pleased with the way I handled things back then... When you came on Earth.”

Kara knew what he was talking about. When she told her mother her story, she was very confused as to why Kal-El would leave her with some strangers. “Clark, we've been over this. I understand your reasoning. I wasn't always happy about it, but I understand. Now better than ever. You did this to protect me.” “Yeah, but I should've been there for you. I should have been more involved. Show up more. I should have been your home. But I put being Superman over family. And I hurt you because of that. That's my biggest regret.”

Kara didn't say anything at that, just snuggled closer to him.

It's true, things weren't always this good between them, especially in the beginning. She was just 13 years old when she came to Earth, she was just a kid. A kid, who needed protection, guidance and family. When she found out her baby cousin was a grown man now, she felt relieved at first – there was someone who could take care of her, who could understand her and who could help her understand this new world around her. But then he just dropped her off at some strangers' house, because appearently it was too dangerous for her to stay with him and just took off. Back then it was like an ultimate betrayal for Kara. That made her feel even more like an orphan. She didn't feel loved, wanted. Of course, over the years Clark made sure to be present in her life, one way or another – showing up on her birthdays, helping her with school, taking her to Metropolis or Smallville for summer or Christmas... But it always ended up the same, with something happening somewhere in the world and Superman's presense was requried. So he would make an excuse to leave or drop her off in Midvale and she would say she's fine with it, because she didn't want to be selfish. She knew these people needed saving and she understood she couldn't go with him, doesn't matter how bad she wanted to. But as she got older, she realized that every “Yeah, sure, go. I'll be fine” was a lie. She wasn't fine. She wanted to go with him. She wanted him here, in her life. She wanted him to want her in his.

She remembers one particular situation, one night when she couldn't take it anymore. She was 17. She finally made some friends at school, and with her newfound love for music and singing, she joined the drama club. The winter musical was her first big performace and she got the lead role. She was so nervous, but more excited. She invited everyone she could to the premiere – she basically begged Clark and Lois to come. And they agreed. Lois even helped her prepare for the role. Everytime they practiced, Clark watched, made a comment or two and convinced her that she's going to nail it. Especially that big solo number at the end of the show that was technically difficult to sing and she was scared she's gonna blow it. “You're amazing, honey, keep going. I'll be there. If you get nervous, just look at me okay?”

So when the premiere came and Kara saw everyone in the audience – Eliza, Alex, Clark and Lois sitting next to each other in the forth row – she trully felt invincible. Everything was going well, but towards the end of the show Kara noticed in the corner of her eye that Clark is leaving. She didn't have time to think about it because she had to go through the scene. Maybe just a bathroom break, she thought. But the ending was closer and closer and he still wasn't back. By the time the final number came Kara already knew he wasn't coming back. As she entered the stage, she swallowed back tears, looked at the empty seat and then locked eyes with Lois for a second. The woman just whispered quick “I'm sorry” and averted her gaze. Kara sang as best as she could, but her voice cracked a few times because of fighting back tears. Her teacher then said that it's not a big deal, it added more emotion to her performace, but Kara still felt like a failure. Lois wanted to talk to her after the show, but Kara went straight to the car and demanded to be taken home.  

He came back the next day. She heard a knock on the bedroom door and when she hadn't answered, he let himself in. She knew it was him – she heard him talking to Eliza downstairs. She didn't even look at him, she turned her face to the window to hide her tears that were already falling down her cheeks. She felt the bed shift – he sat down next to her.

“Kara, I am so sorry I had to leave. There was this chemical bomb in Russia, and-” “And Superman needed to save the world. Again.” she said, no trace of emotion in her voice. He tried to take her hand but she yanked it out of his grasp and got up from the bed. “Kara...” “Don't 'Kara' me, Clark.” she said as she turned to face him. She let the tears fall – there was no point in hiding them anyway. “You promised you'll be there. You knew how important it was for me. And yet you left. Again. Because of Superman. Again.” “These people needed me, I-” “I needed you. I needed you and you didn't care.” “Of course I care, Kara...” “No. If you cared you would have stayed. If you cared, you wouldn't have left me here. You would have let me stay with you.”

Clark hang his head low and averted his gaze from her. He was ashamed. She could see that. But she was angry and she couldn't care less. “I did it to protect you.” “When I got here and I found out that my only living family member is an adult who is capable of taking care of me, I felt relieved. The burden was off of my shoulders. But then said adult abandoned me, on a strange planet, with a family of strangers. Because of Superman. Again.” He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at her. “I'm your last living relative. I am supposed be your priority, like you were supposed to be mine when we were sent here. Whenever you do this, whenever you leave me because someone, somewhere needs Superman, I say I'm fine. But I'm not fine. I'm far from fine. I need you in my life. I want to be in your life. You're the only one who can actually help me here and you're doing nothing about it. You're wearing our family's crest on your chest but that doesn't make you part of it. Family is about showing up. And you don't. I need you. And I don't mean Superman. Hell, I don't even mean Clark Kent. I need Kal-El, my cousin. My family.”

He was silent for while. Then he lifted his head and looked at her. He had tears in his eyes. His hands were shaking. He stood up and said. “You're right. I screwed up. I left you here, because I wanted to protect you, but also, because I didn't know what to do. I didn't think I was capable of raising a child. And it turns out I'm still not.” He aproached her, put his hands gently on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “But I want you to know, that I care. And I'm gonna be better. I'm gonna put you first, I promise. I didn't realise it hurt you so much. I'm sorry.” She lowered her head, but he put two fingers under her chin and lifted it up. “I love you, Kara. More than anything. I swear. And I'm gonna be better. I will try. I will show up more. I'll be right here whenever you need me. I promise. Will you give me a second chance?” Kara didn't say anything. Instead she took a step forward and put her arms around his waist, snuggling close to his chest. “Last chance.” she said. Clark put his arms around her and held her tighter. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I love you so much, Kara.” “I love you, too, Kal.”

“Remember my biggest screw up?” he asked. “Winter musical, your junior year?”

Kara looked up at him. Sometimes she wondered if he could read minds for real. She didn't really know where he was going with this, so she nodded. “I promised you I'll be better. I'll try harder.” he looked her in the eyes. “Tell me... was I better? Or...” “The best.” Kara tried to convince him. “Maybe I still couldn't really spend as much time with you as I would like to, but you started trying. I saw that. You know...” she hesitated. After that time almost a decade ago they never talked about it. Not really. Not like that. But, to be honest, it would be good for both of them to finally come clean about some things. “I never told you this, but back then, all I really wanted was to live with you. Not just hang out from time to time. The fact that I couldn't was the main reason for my resentement to the world around me... and my recless behaviour. You could say I was trying to get your attention. My parents had already left me, I was scared you're gonna do the same. This... fear of abandonement has been destroying me ever since.”

Clark gave her a surprised look. “Still? Even now?” “I know it's stupid...” she let out a sigh, a shadow of shame on her face. “But this little girl, who thinks everyone she loves is going to leave her at one point or another, is still in me. And she shows up behind big smiles and excitement.” She fell silent for a moment. “Remember when we officially teamed up for the first time?” When Clark nodded, she continued. “The same thing that happened with Argo, also happened back then. I was so happy, so excited, honestly it felt like the best day of my life... And in all of that, without thinking, I told Alex I'm moving to Metropolis.” She gave him a quick glance to see his reaction. He was surprised, but he was silently waiting for more. “We had a fight that day. Because, at first instinct I was ready to just drop everything I have in National City and go. It took Alex reclessly risking her life for me to understand the bigger picture.

I don't need to be afraid of that. Not anymore. I have you, and Alex, Eliza, James, Winn, J'onn, and even Barry and Oliver and the rest from Earth-1. We don't need to live under the same roof to be a family. You asked me if you were better. Yes, you were. But I also had to be better. I treated Kal-El, Clark and Superman as three different people. I didn't realize back then that they are the same person and they all love me and they all want what's best for me. I needed to learn to accept each part of you, not just the kryptonian one. I'm sorry, I wasn't able to do that then.”

Kara instantly felt lighter. She wanted to tell him all of that for so long. To finally get it off of her chest was... amazing.

“I remember how scared I was when I found you, when I realized who you are. Yeah, I was Superman. But I was also a 22 year old guy, straight out of college, struggling. I gave you to the Danvers, because I thought I wasn't good enough for you. I thought I couldn't give you what you needed. I said it's to dangerous for you to stay with me because of my enemies. It was true, bit it was still an excuse. I should have tried. You needed a guardian, a parent. And I wasn't ready to be one.” Kara took his hand again. “And that's completely okay. I hated this back then, but I would never change it.”

She looked at him and saw pride in his eyes. She hoped he could see how proud of him she was. They've had a lot of ups and downs, together and seperately, but they came back stronger from all of it. She was greatful for that. “Come here” Clark whispered and brought her closer to him, trapping her in his strong embrace. Kara buried her face in his chest and closed her eyes. This was home. But home was also in National City, where Alex ordered Kara's favorite chinese takeout. Home was in Midvale, where she sat with Eliza on the porch, drinking hot chocolate. Home was Argo, where she could relive old memories and make new one with her mom. Home was Earth-1 Central City, where she was always welcomed to crash on Barry's couch.

Kara felt Clark's hand rest on her hair and his lips leaving a soft kiss on her forhead. And she couldn't help but think – of all the homes she has, Clark was her favorite one.

[dxmichelle]

Recent ask meme! Since they kinda go together, #12 and 13 please!

I hope you’re ready for some deep exploration, cuz this got real long, real fast.

From the recent Fanfiction Ask Meme I posted yesterday:

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why? 

As I’m currently writing in the YuGiOh and Harry Potter fandoms, my favorite characters to write for are Seto Kaiba and Hermione Granger, and that’s at least in part because they’re two of my favorite characters in those fandoms overall. 

As far as timeline goes in my fic, Hermione is at both a high and low point. Has she faltered academically in Year 6? Psssh, of course not! But her feelings for Ron, while rather subdued down a bit because romance is not a thing I’m good at writing (and also isn’t meant to be a focus in ‘Of Lost Swords and Shadow Magic’), are still there, and their relationship has definitely still taken a fallout. And it’s put a strain on everyone else around them. Is some of that Ron’s fault? Of course, but she also had a hand to play in it. She may be the brainy one of the trio, but not all of her decisions are well thought out.

The Hermione in my story has moved on from ‘There’s something going on here, so I’m going to tear the entire Hogwarts Library apart until I’ve discovered what this thing is because books are always the answer’ to something much more subdued. Is she still curious (when it comes to Yugi Muto and co’s own brand of magic)? Sure. But she also knows from experience that jumping headfirst into something also isn’t the best solution. 

After all, the last time she and her friends jumped right into the thick of something was the trip to the Dept of Mysteries, and we all know how well that turned out for all involved. 

So what does she do with that knowledge? Try her best to not let it happen again to anyone else, even someone as standoffish as Seto Kaiba. She’s friendly and helpful, but respectful of boundaries.

Seto Kaiba went from ‘I don’t want anything to do with Yugi’s mystical shenanigans’ to having it drowned over his head in a very short period of time. He’s very hard for me to write for because he has a very distinct personality. He pushes away friends and insists on being a loner, because he can’t rely on anyone except himself. He’s been molded and conditioned that way for years, and that’s not going to go away overnight. Keeping him in character because he usually wants nothing to do with the friendship circles is a fun challenge, especially because he’s stuck with them all day, everyday.

His story of acceptance and adaption to magic and his new role in it I find the most interesting, especially because it’s never been played up well in YuGiOh canon, and doubly so now that I’ve saddled him with both the Millennium Rod and the spirit of his past self. His relationship with Set alone is a fun challenge because the two are so similar, yet so different at the same time. 

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why? I swear this answer won’t get nearly as long!

There’s a lot of answers for this, and most of it is just plot related. Yugi’s friends as a whole, Ryou Bakura, the Spirit of the Millennium Ring, and Ron Weasley, are all characters I struggle with. For multiple reasons:

Yugi’s friends, while not a focal point in my story, are really just side assist characters. That’s all they do, even in canon. But Yugi’s adventures off at Hogwarts have consequences that will affect them too, and since sometimes they don’t seem to have much personality, so giving them distinct voices can be tough. But it’s good we don’t spend much time in Domino, so it’s not something I have to worry over too much.

Ryou Bakura + Spirit of the Ring: These guys don’t show up much in canon - and it’s weird because YBakura is the villain in YuGiOh. But Ryou, as Ryou, is more a less another friend of Yugi’s, and a sideline supporter. YBakura is the one given most of the personality, and 98% of the time he’s dueling for grabs at the Millennium Items. There’s also no relationship between the two of them, and they don’t interact with each other. Giving them a rapport while keeping YBakura dark, sneaky, and definitely up to something takes work. I have such plans for them, but I just feel like I’m writing them in circles because most of the YBakura plot will come so much later in the story, and we’re nowhere close to it.

Ron Weasley: Oh Ron, you’re really not all that hard to write for…but some of this bias might have come from the movies, where it seemed some of your plot/characterization was given away to other characters or just cut. Again, romance is not a focus, but being such a part of Year 6, it needed mentioning. His insecurities about his friends are not hard to write about, but trying not to keep him a one-note is difficult. And with there being so many friends interacting now at Hogwarts, sometimes I leave Ron lost in the shuffle. The ensemble just got too big. I’m sorry Ron! I’ll try to do better.

Thanks @darksidechick823 for the ask! :)