#and once im up and awake I'll probably just stay awake so. is what its and is partially my fault

[izzy-b-hands]

Haven't slept yet but got the majority of a steddyhands fic done so. that's something

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 39

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

Masterlist

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Saturday, January 16th; 1:00 PM - Lucy's Room

I've been awake for a good ten minutes, but I don't dare move. I'm so comfortably settled, but more importantly, I'm afraid of waking Lucy, who is holding me firmly against her. The only thing that could make me move is my incessant headache. And yet, I'm still lying here... I'm savoring this rare moment that I might never experience again. I take in the perfection of her face and her relaxed features, which make her look so innocent. It's as if I'm her big teddy bear. The only regret I have is not being able to admire her stunning emerald eyes. Mine start to close when I feel her stir. The last thing I want is for her to catch me watching her. Her hand, which I realize is under my t-shirt, slowly withdraws after gently caressing my spine. My body betrays me, sending a thousand shivers through me. I pretend to wake up, burrowing into her chest to hide my face. I blink my eyes before lifting my head to meet the gaze of the eyes I've longed for. Their piercing effect makes me melt even more. She immediately lets go of me, as if holding me like that would break some forbidden rule. I make sure to hide my disappointed expression.

"Good morning..."

"Hi," she replies.

"Can you free my leg, please? I’d like to get up."

I tighten my legs slightly around hers when I realize I'm actually holding her back without meaning to.

"Can’t we stay like this a little longer?" I ask, burying my face in her neck.

"No," she sighs.

"Please," I groan.

"I said no," she says firmly, pulling her foot out of my grasp with a sharp movement.

"What's wrong?" I mumble.

"The problem is you're getting used to things I don't want," she says, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I need to get up. You probably have a headache to deal with."

I groan, letting my body, which had been resting on hers, fall onto the warm mattress. My headache is far from my biggest concern at the moment. At least I got to enjoy her arms until she woke up. She gets up, leaving me behind without a hint of regret.

"You didn’t seem to mind sharing your bed last night..."

The reaction I wanted has its effect. She freezes just as she’s about to leave the room. I bite my lip to stifle a smile. I'm glad the alcohol didn't take away that memory. She seems to know exactly what I'm talking about, judging by her response.

"Sorry. It was inappropriate of me. I wouldn’t have done anything like that if I were sober."

"The easy excuse..."

"A valid excuse. I can't handle alcohol at all," she retorts.

"If you say so..." I mumble. "Good Lord, it’s one o’clock," I laugh, changing the subject.

"Really?" she says, surprised. "The last time I woke up at this hour, I was your age."

"Yep, you’re old now."

I tease her as I slide my hands under her pillow to hug it. I recognize Lucy's scent on it. It's almost a substitute for her absence. Almost.

"If you say so," she shrugs. "Are you hungry?"

"A little," I admit.

"I'll make us something and see if the girls are already awake. Don't take too long, please."

"Mm-hmm."

I bury my head in her pillow right after. My response must not have pleased her because she turns around to open the shutters. I groan as daylight floods the room. Even with gray clouds, it's hard for me to adjust to so much light all at once.

"At least now I'm sure you won't fall back asleep."

I watch her leave the room with a proud smile on her lips. I wait for the door to close before groaning into the pillow. I'll never tire of waking up next to her, but this morning feels different. She seemed to be distancing herself. I hope it was just my imagination. For now, the most important thing is that she doesn't discover my feelings for her. I risk losing her for good. A perfect woman like her could never be interested in someone like me. I'm a magnet for trouble. After a moment of reflection, I decide to get out of bed. I immediately miss the warmth, and I understand why when I see my bare thighs. Damn. This outfit shouldn’t bother me since I often sleep this way, but knowing I spent the night like this with Lucy makes my cheeks heat up.

"Damn... What kind of mess am I getting myself into again..."

I rummage through her closet to find something to cover my legs. The first thing I find is a pair of sweatpants that will do just fine. As I turn around, I stop for a moment, noticing my suitcase at the foot of the bed. I thought I had left it on the other side. I shrug and head to the living room.

"The girls aren’t awake yet?" I ask when I see Lucy alone.

"They’re already gone."

I raise an eyebrow at the sticky note she hands me. I can't believe it. They're both out in the city. My best friend, who came to spend the weekend with me, is out with a girl she’s only seen twice... I can hardly believe it.

"Nice sweatpants," she snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, um... I helped myself. I didn't see my suitcase."

"No worries," she chuckles. "They suit you well. Here, I made this for you."

"Thanks."

I down the glass of orange juice in one go to swallow the pill she had prepared for me. Lucy watches me with amusement. She pours me another glass at my request before returning to the stove.

"What are you cooking?" I ask, looking over her shoulder.

"Pancakes. Can you make your hot chocolate and my coffee?"

"Sure. How do you take your coffee? Black?"

"Yeah, no sugar, no milk."

"You drink it straight? Yuck," I grimace.

"Indeed. It's better that way."

"Gross."

Lucy laughs at me. I get to work, making our hot drinks one by one.

"Luce?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's the cocoa?"

"In the cupboard," she says, pointing it out to me.

"Thanks."

I grab the box to scoop two spoonfuls of cocoa into my mug, then bring everything to the table where our plates are already set. I sit down since I have nothing else to do.

"Do you want to do something this afternoon?" she asks me.

"I don't know," I shrug. "What if the girls come back before we do?"

"I doubt it," she chuckles. "Do you want to go out?"

"For what?"

"I might have an idea," she smiles mischievously.

"Okay. It can only be good."

She joins me with a plate full of pancakes, which she sets in the middle of the table. I grab one before she even sits down.

"Are you that hungry?" she giggles.

"Don't tease me. Everyone has their own post-party effects. Mine is eating a lot. Anyway," I say, clearing my throat. "So, I was wondering if you knew that Mapi and Ingrid have been texting?"

"I found out yesterday," she shrugs. "Does it bother you?"

"No, no... Well... Never mind."

"Tell me."

"There's nothing to say... Just that it's surprising."

"I don't think so. They're made to get along."

"Hmm... Do you know if... I mean, is Ingrid a lesbian? Or maybe bi?"

« She's only had relationships with girls before," she replies simply.

I nod as I spread Nutella on my pancake. Maybe Mapi does have a chance with Ingrid after all. I hope so. She deserves to be happy, even if it means getting involved with my school instructor.

- Are you jealous that she might be seeing someone else?

I look up to see Lucy with an unusually serious expression. I shake my head. No, I don't feel jealousy. It's something else, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Mostly, I feel concerned for her. What I want more than anything is for her to find the happiness she deserves.

- No. Mapi told me she likes Ingrid. I'm just checking, that's all.

- They're both adults; they can handle their relationship, she says with a shrug.

- Did Ingrid talk to you about it too?

- Yeah, and it seems the feeling is mutual.

- Oh my God, I laugh. What is all this going to turn into?

- A total disaster.

We laugh heartily. I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one who thinks so. Maybe she planned to see Ingrid instead of coming to spend the weekend with me. I'll definitely have to ask her about that.

- Want to taste?

I look up to see her offering me her cup of coffee.

- No, thanks.

- Come on, do it for me, taste it, she insists. You promised you'd try it once. You can even add milk or sugar if you want.

- Fine. Just this once, then.

I take the cup and breathe in the scent, which isn't as unpleasant as I expected. I take a deep breath before sipping. The effect is immediate. I spit out the second sip onto the table as Lucy bursts out laughing. She immediately gets up to grab some paper towels.

- Disgusting!

- You're overreacting, she laughs.

She wipes up the mess on the table before I can help.

- Let me see.

I obey, feeling my cheeks heat up as she dabs at my chin where the coffee must have dripped. Her smile widens, clearly amused by my obvious embarrassment.

- First coffee experience: memorable, she comments. I'll make you try a different one next time.

- No thanks, I grimace. This time was already too much.

- I promise it'll be better than this one.

- We'll see.

- It's already decided. I know you'll do it.

I stick my tongue out at her in response. It's certain that I'll give in if she pushes a little, but she doesn't need to know that. She ruffles my hair and retrieves her cup, finishing it in one gulp. She heads off to dispose of the used paper towels. I finish my own cup and glance over at Lucy. She's just opened the sliding door, letting a blast of cold air into the room. I'm glad I put on sweatpants. She steps out onto the terrace for a few seconds before coming back inside. She smiles when she notices me watching her.

- Are you done?

- Um, yeah… I reply, eyeing her curiously. What are you planning to do?

- I want to clean up after last night's party. You can go take your shower.

- I'd like to help, I insist.

- It's not necessary. I'm just going to mop and everything.

- At least let me clear the table, I negotiate, already starting to do so.

She shrugs, conceding defeat. I load the dishwasher while she clears the toppings. Once everything is put away, I leave to get ready. The only hint she gave me was to dress warmly. I'm tempted to wear the sweater she lent me last time. I never bothered to return it, and she never asked for it back. After some thought, I choose one of my own, then lock myself in the bathroom to take a shower.

Saturday, January 16th; 3:00 PM - Lucy's Building.

- Where are we going? I ask impatiently, like a child.

- You'll find out soon enough. Calm down, will you? she teases.

I bite my lip to keep from smiling. The elevator doors open to the basement. She noticed I only had sneakers or city boots, so she lent me a good pair of shoes. I deduced we’ll be walking and it’ll probably be cold. I feel like a little girl waiting for a surprise. I start to head toward her car, but she stops me.

- This way, Ona.

- We're not taking the car?

- Not today. The roads are pretty clear.

I furrow my brow as I follow her to a garage. My jaw drops when she opens it. If I expected that… She wants me to get on *that*?

- What's the matter, Batlle, getting cold feet?

- Do you even have a license for this thing?!

- Do you think I keep it in my garage just for fun? she mocks. If you're scared, we can take my car.

- Is that a challenge?

- Maybe. You tell me.

Her smile makes me give in. A freaking motorcycle. If I expected that! She’s made me experience everything I’ve ever wanted to do in life so far. This surprise is definitely worth it! It’s a sporty bike, metallic blue. It’s as impressive as her car. The silver rims stand out perfectly. I love this girl. She's completely nuts! She hands me a pair of gloves, which I gratefully take. I put them on without even thinking about the helmet she's bringing over.

- Damn, I groan.

- It’s okay, I’ll help, she laughs.

Without asking, she places the helmet on my head, slowly pulling on each side. I thank her when she pushes aside a few strands of hair that decided to stay in front of my eyes.

- Lift your chin. I need to adjust the strap underneath.

I comply, letting her fasten the helmet. She closes the visor with an amused smile when I lower my head. She gears up as well before looking at me. I move my head to get used to the feel of the helmet. I feel like my head is being squeezed with this thing.

- Have you ever been on a motorcycle?

- No, but I’ve always wanted to try, I admit.

- Alright. In that case, you'll hold onto me. But make sure you stay upright. Don’t lean with me when we turn, okay?

- I get it, yeah…

- If you don’t feel comfortable, just let me know.

I nod with a smile that she returns. She rolls the bike out and closes the garage. She climbs on, leaving me stunned for a moment. She looks so badass on it. She totally has the biker look with her black outfit. She motions for me to come closer. I snap out of it and move towards her. I brace my hands on her shoulders to climb on behind her. I lift my leg, but it gets stuck on the seat because I didn’t raise it high enough.

- Great start, she giggles.

- Sorry, it’s my first time, I defend myself.

- Hold onto me, alright? she warns playfully.

I blush and manage to get on the bike on my second try. My first instinct is to hold onto her waist. She doesn’t seem to mind, as she turns the key. The bike purrs with a sound as pleasing as her Audi. She must have a passion for big cars and bikes. She starts moving the bike without warning, and I instinctively press against her, wrapping my arms around her. I hear her laugh, and the vibrations coming from her body against mine make me blush again. She stops when we reach the outside.

- Ona, you’re suffocating me.

- Sorry, I say, immediately loosening my grip.

- I’m not asking you to let go, just don’t squeeze so tight, okay? Here, give me your arms.

She grabs my wrists and wraps them around her the way they should be. She starts the bike after waiting for my go-ahead. At first, I tighten my grip, but I loosen it shortly after. I stay in that position for a while until I get used to it. I notice she’s making sure to keep a reasonable speed. Despite her instructions, I still managed to lean with her during a turn. I got scolded, which reminded me of my mistake. I never imagined it would be so hard for my brain not to follow her movements. After that incident, I made sure to be more careful. I smile stupidly as we pass all the cars stopped at a red light to reach the front. I’ve always dreamed of doing that one day, and now it’s happened. She supports us with the tips of her toes when we’re stopped. I’d like to help, but I can’t touch the ground from behind. So I leave my feet on the footrests.

- We’ve got a bit of a drive ahead. Do you mind if I take the highway to get there faster? she asks.

- No, go ahead. I trust you.

- You sure? You’re not just saying that to make me happy?

- No, no. Please, go ahead. You probably haven’t ridden in a while.

- "Yes, it's true," she admits to me. "Thank you."

I hold on to her as she takes off at full speed. I'm so surprised that I press myself against her. From her laugh, I think she did it on purpose. We stop after half an hour of driving. I'm almost certain she didn't obey the speed limit, given the number of cars we passed. My smile doesn't fade when I see where we are. She never fails to surprise me. The landscape is still magnificent. She parks her motorcycle in front of a chalet that must be a small café in the middle of a small forest. I mimic Lucy, taking off my helmet and placing my gloves between my legs.

"Wow..."

"It's beautiful, isn't it? Are you getting off?"

I listen to her as I clumsily dismount, accidentally bumping into her. She doesn't say anything, just smiles. She must have picked up on my awkwardness by now. She engages the kickstand and gets off as well. She stretches to loosen up her legs while I take in the vast forest in front of us.

"Did I drive well? You weren't too scared?"

"When can we do it again?"

She laughs, telling me that there's still the return trip. We enter the small chalet, where she seems to know the owners since she introduces me and entrusts them with our helmets. The owner wishes us a good afternoon before we step outside, where I take a deep breath of fresh air.

"So, what's next on the agenda, Commander?"

"Walking," she smiles. "Let's not waste time, I just received a message. We need to be back home by six o'clock."

"Why?"

"We need to meet up with the girls to eat in town, then we'll go to the same bar as last time with my friends. Does that work for you?"

"I don't really have a choice. You've planned everything behind my back."

I puff out my cheeks to show my displeasure. She pinches them, deflating them instantly.

"I just found out myself, so don't pout at me, okay? It's not my fault!"

"Uh-huh, sure," I say, crossing my arms nonetheless.

She surprises me by wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I relax, resting my head on her shoulder. I don't stay there long as she pulls away after kissing my forehead.

"Come on, you little grouch."

I smile softly at the unexpected gesture. I realize she's becoming more and more affectionate with me. I feel the need for more, but I doubt that's what she wants. I only realize she's moved ahead of me when she calls out to me from a distance. I quickly catch up to her, and we head into the beautiful forest stripped of its foliage. Everything is white with snow. I shove my hands into my pockets to keep them warm.

"How do you feel about joining a new class on Monday?" she starts the conversation.

"I have to admit, I haven't had a second to think about it. I'd say I'm curious and a little stressed at the same time. I'm not alone, so everything should go well."

"You don't need to worry."

We continue talking about the subject until we reach the end of the path. We've arrived at a small lake with a stone waterfall. I haven't even finished drawing the landscapes she showed me last week, and now she's already showing me new ones. Lucy suggests we walk around before heading back. It's the perfect thing to relax. We continue moving forward, taking the path on the right. The silence is peaceful, but it's pleasant. I feel good. I don't think I've ever felt this good before. I feel happy and surrounded, like never before. I doubt I'll ever experience this moment as intensely again. I turn around to see Lucy lagging behind me for the first time. She's the reason for my happiness, I know it. She's going to make me burst with a thousand feelings if she keeps acting the way she does with me. She makes me feel like a different person. It's as if I can do anything by her side. Yet, I've always been told that I'm an incapable child who will never succeed in life.

" Lucy?" I call out to her, walking backward.

"Hmm?" she responds, finally looking at me.

"Thank you for everything... Thank you for being you and for transforming me into who I am right now."

"I'm not doing anything special."

"Oh yes, you are," I chuckle. "You don't even realize it."

"Don't you want to walk normally? You're going to hurt yourself again," she teases.

"No way, look, I've got this under control!"

I try to prove it by speeding up. Lucy's amused smile warms my heart in a way I can't control. This day is just too perfect to be real. I was about to say something, but my feet decided to get tangled up.

"Be careful!" she nearly shouts.

Too late... I land on my butt. I hear Lucy's laughter ringing in my ears. I groan and look at the ground to see the damn branch responsible for my stumble. I've just made a fool of myself. I let my head drop and find myself staring into Lucy's green eyes.

"Poor fool! It's not like I didn't warn you!"

"You'll see who's the fool!"

I knock her off balance as her legs straddle mine. I pull her hands, which she instinctively put forward, and gently bring her down with me. I groan as she ends up completely on top of me, but I can't help bursting into laughter when I hear Lucy groan.

"That'll teach you to make fun of me!"

Without warning, her fingers start tickling me, inflicting a torture I hate more than anything. I beg her to stop, but she continues. She only stops when I start running out of breath.

"Apologize."

I can't say a word, mesmerized by the sight in front of me. Her smile, showing all her teeth, captivates me so much. I only realize I've placed my hands on her thighs when her smile suddenly disappears.

"Ona..."

I still can't say anything. Her tousled hair gives her an incredible charm. My heart is about to explode... But everything fades when she moves away to sit on top of me.

"Ona, we can't. I can't. You're my student."

"I'm far from being just your student..."

"I know, Ona," she sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"You feel the same way I do," I murmur in shock.

"No," she shakes her head. "There's no way our relationship can go any further than it already has. I'm risking my job and... I can't. I thought you couldn't either, with your relationship with Feli."

I laugh bitterly. She has no right to use that excuse when I was ready. She feels something too. Otherwise, she wouldn't have reacted the way she has these past few days. Her behavior has changed. She's become more attentive, worried, and... And she was jealous yesterday. She can deny it all she wants, but she was irritated that guy was checking me out.

"That's the best excuse you could come up with?" I ask coldly.

"Ona..." she sighs.

"If you didn't feel anything like you claim, you wouldn't have reacted so excessively with the salesman. You also wouldn't have let me cuddle you when we got back from the mall, or sleep with you last night, or kiss my neck. We like each other. What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with it. I-I just can't. It's beyond my strength, and I thought it was the same for you. I've just crossed the line these past few weeks. I shouldn't have opened up to you so much. It just complicated things. I should have stayed professional until the end."

I think I would have preferred if she had no feelings rather than reject me for some unknown reason. My world of happiness just collapsed in a fraction of a second. What else was I expecting anyway? I knew she wouldn't want me. Who would, anyway? I just didn't expect it to hurt this much. It makes me realize how attached I've become to her and the extent of my feelings.

"We should head back," I murmur.

"Ona..." she says sadly.

I stop her from saying anything else by pushing her off me, a gesture that feels far too easy. She doesn't even resist. I clumsily get up, too disturbed by what just happened. I retrace our steps without bothering to wait for her or even glance at her.

Saturday, January 16th; 10:00 PM - The United.

We've been at the bar for a good hour. The same people as last time are here. I'm impressed by how Mapi has managed to fit in. She's always had an easier time with social situations than I have. Everyone's having fun around the pool table while I stay back with my glass of iced tea. Mapi and Ingrid are crushing Jenni and Mary. It seems like this afternoon strengthened their relationship, as they're now teasing each other. I glance over at the other girls who are mocking them, then end on Lucy, who has stayed at our table. It seems she's met an old acquaintance, but I doubt it's just anyone, given how the girl is eyeing her up. No one seems bothered that she's off on her own. She doesn't seem bothered by it either. The girl keeps touching her arm and laughing at whatever she's saying. I feel desperate watching them like this, boiling inside. I'm incapable of doing anything. Lucy shut me down. She doesn't want me, and she's continuing to make that clear right now. And to think I had just acknowledged my feelings for her. Maybe it's not so bad that I know now. Maybe I can pull back my feelings, but I doubt it. Not long ago, I wasn't even ready to have a new relationship, and now, it's the first time I’ve felt this much jealousy. I sigh and look away, taking a sip of my drink. The only thing left for me to do is to put up barriers. That's what I did this afternoon. We haven't spoken since our confessions. I have to suppress my emotions. It's for the best for everyone. I smile at Mapi as she approaches me with a huge grin.

- "Did you see my crushing victory?!"

- "Oh... Yeah, I saw it," I replied. "Crushing, as always!"

I try to appear normal, but given the scrutinizing look she's giving me, I guess I failed miserably. She tilts her head slightly before sighing.

- "I'm going out for a smoke. You coming with me?"

- "Uh, yeah, if you want. I thought you quit?"

- "I did, but one every now and then never hurt anyone. Come on, hermana, it'll do you good to get some fresh air."

I smile weakly as she drapes her arm over my shoulders. Unfortunately, we have to pass by our table to grab our jackets. I try not to meet the eyes of the two people there, but it's really difficult. Especially when I end up locking eyes with Lucy's furrowed brow. Or should I say, my supervisor's.

- "Where are you going?"

- "Getting some air," Mapi replies. "We'll be back."

I quickly turn on my heels to follow Mapi outside. We sit on one of the benches against the bar's facade. I fix my gaze on a spot on the road where a few cars are passing while Mapi lights her cigarette. I catch a glimpse of the smoke escaping her mouth before she offers me the cigarette. I hesitate for a moment. I used to smoke, but I quit at the same time as I stopped doing drugs. She rolls her eyes and insists, bringing the cigarette directly to my lips.

- "Tonight you can. I think you need it."

The temptation is too strong. I take the cigarette between my fingers and take a deep drag, closing my eyes. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. I exhale the smoke, savoring it as much as possible. When I open my eyes, I see my best friend smiling broadly. I take another drag before handing it back to her and resting my head on her shoulder.

- "Is it Lucy?" she asks, getting straight to the point. "I noticed you haven't spoken since you got here."

- "She shut me down, Maps. She figured out how I felt, and she shut me down."

- "Oh..."

- "I felt ready, damn it. Why does she feel the need to ruin everything?"

- "Do you think she feels the same?"

- "I thought so, but with her rejection, I don't know anymore. Why would she want me anyway? I'm just a troubled girl. I've never understood why she was so interested in me. Maybe it's just because I remind her of her ex, and she thought she could save me, unlike her."

- "Her ex?" she frowns.

I sigh heavily, taking another drag from the cigarette she offers me again. I haven't talked about this story to Mapi or anyone else, for that matter. Lucy's past is none of their business, but now that I remember, it's totally understandable.

- "Forget it," I mumble. "I just don't know what to believe anymore..."

- "What are you going to do...?"

- "Pull away, I guess."

- "Ona..."

- "What?" I reply coldly. "What else do you want me to do? Huh?! She doesn't want me. I'm not going to force her! One thing is for sure, I'm not going to feel bad for nothing."

- "Fight for her... I'm sure she's worth it. She cares about you, it's obvious. You finally admitted you like her, and I've never seen you so attached to someone. When you used to go back to Barcelona, you barely talked to me about the friends you made here. You talked about her..."

- "No, that's out of the question. If she wanted me, she wouldn't have shut me down the first time. It was too good to be true anyway. I trusted the wrong person again. The only thing to do to minimize the damage is to pull away before I get too hurt."

- "You're so stubborn..." she sighs. "There has to be an explanation for all this."

- "There isn't always, Mapi. Even if there is one, I don't want to know it."

I take the cigarette from her again. The nicotine's calming effect settles into my system. I had forgotten how good it could feel. I frown when the cigarette is abruptly taken away before I can take a second drag.

- "Hey, what are you doing?"

My first reflex is to look at Mapi, but I quickly realize it's not her. I look up to see Lucy standing in front of us, with a stern look that would have definitely affected me in other circumstances.

- "Give it back."

- "No way."

- "What does it matter to you if I smoke?" I growl. "Give me back that cigarette!"

- "I said no."

She's daring me to take it back, but I'm not going to play her game over a stupid cigarette. I hold her gaze for a moment before closing my eyes and shaking my head. So she doesn't want me, but she keeps bothering me about what I do. It doesn't make any sense. I stand up and deliberately bump her shoulder as I head back into the bar. Her sigh behind me doesn't stop me. I'm going to handle this my way, whether she likes it or not. She's not going to be pleased with how I change my behavior towards her. I drop my jacket at the table and join Lucy's friends who are still gathered around the pool table. They invite me right away to start a new game, which I accept without hesitation. I team up with Aitana against Jenni and Ingrid. I don't know if it's a fair match, but Aitana seems confident. We start the game as Mapi and Lucy return. I ignore them and focus only on the game we've started. Time flies by with one, two, then a third game to break the tie. I try to laugh at Aitana's jokes, but I admit I'm forcing it a bit. She tried to get closer to help me with my shots. I wasn't thrilled by the contact at first, but I eventually let her do it. It's finally midnight when Lucy suggests we head home. She invited Ingrid to stay over again. This doesn't sit well with me, as I imagine she'll be sleeping with Mapi. Mapi also abandons me for the ride home. She whispered that I should take the opportunity to talk to Lucy, advice I didn't follow. Our drive back was silent. Lucy tried to start a conversation once or twice, but I didn't respond. We arrive at her apartment in a tense atmosphere. The girls quickly retreat to their room, sensing the tension between us. I sigh in frustration, fully understanding what Mapi is trying to do. She wants me to change my mind, but it's not going to happen!

- "Do you have a blanket?" I finally ask.

- "A blanket?" Lucy repeats, puzzled. "Why?"

- "I'm sleeping on the couch."

- "Ona..." she tries, tilting her head slightly.

- "Yes or no?" I question her more coldly. "Either way, I'm staying here."

She looks at me for a moment before sighing. No, sweetheart, I'm not changing my mind. I watch as she lifts the couch cushion to pull out a duvet and two pillows. She hands them to me while I turn the couch into a bed. Well, at least I won't have to worry about a bad night's sleep.

- "Thank you."

- "Good night..."

She murmurs the words so softly I barely hear them before she disappears down the hallway. She returns a moment later with my pajamas. I head to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth before returning to the living room. I close the doors behind me for some privacy and make sure the curtains are drawn so I can sleep in tomorrow morning. Once I'm ready, I place both pillows on one side and wrap myself in the thick duvet with a sigh of relief. It's definitely not as good as being in Lucy's arms, but I'll have to get used to it.

Sunday, January 17th; 2:50 AM - Lucy's Living Room.

I clutch the duvet as tightly as I can to muffle my sobs. I try to calm down, but it's no use. At least I haven't been loud enough to wake up the whole apartment. No one has come to check on me, even though I've been like this for about ten minutes. I don't even dare get up to grab a tissue or a glass of water. I'm too afraid of waking someone. I freeze and hold my breath when I hear the double doors open. I slowly lower my head, clutching the duvet as tightly as possible to make it look like I'm still asleep.

- "I know you're not asleep."

I tense up at the sound of Lucy's voice. She slips under the blanket I haven't let go of. I try to push myself further against the backrest when I feel her behind me. I don't want to feel her against me, but her arm pulls me back while taking hold of my hand. I instinctively pull it away.

- "Take it."

I bite my lip, opening my eyes to see she's brought me a pack of tissues. I take it timidly, thanking her in a voice even I can barely hear. I immediately use a tissue. Meanwhile, she firmly keeps her arm wrapped around my waist. I'd be lying if I said it didn't have an effect on me... I hate her so much for making me feel this way.

- "This is the last time we're sleeping together," I murmur.

- "Go back to sleep," she whispers in response.

She won't be able to change my mind on this. I fully intend to keep this promise. I'll even go to Jaha and ask to move back into my dorm on Monday if I have to. In the meantime, I take advantage of her arms and warmth one last time to calm down from the nightmare. My breathing returns to a regular rhythm, and fatigue finally gets the better of me.

[kyokikia]

Im curious, do people even write for uta? Do people like uta at all?? If you cant tell, she's my favorite female character! I dont see anyone talking about her 😭😭

i might write for her if someone requests it (when requests are back open) but she might be the only one piece female i would ever write for so, sorry for that

Has anyone else on here watched film red? I wanna talk about it with someone because its one of my favorite movies, currently listening to new genesis as i speak (ado's singing was HEAVENLY in the movie)

Ado's singing is so heavenly, and she honestly captured the supposed greatness of uta's voice PERFECTLY. I watched the movie in sub so i couldnt hear amalee dubbing uts, but honestly, i listened to amalee's covers of the songs, and i think the dub watchers were robbed from hearing amalee's covers. She covered all the songs PERFECTLY! She did the spell part of tot musica perfectly aswell and i adore Amalee's and Ado's works so much!

SPOILERS UNDER KEEP READING FOR ONE PIECE: FILM RED

I think she's a little crazy but i love her a lot, what she did in the movie is honestly justifiable. I love her design so much, i wanna cosplay her but i got my bills to pay 😭 i'll do it once i get extra money tho, anyway, i feel so bad for her because for years she thought that shanks had abandoned her but turns out she was manipulated into singing tot musica by the people of Elegia 😭 i feel so bad knowing on how much she probably blamed herself for what happened but it wasnt her fault at all

Shanks is so selfless i swear, the way he just chose to take the blame instead so uta wouldn't blame herself and so she could make other people happy with her voice aswell 😭♥️

Watching uta descend into madness, as her mental health and physical state reach its absolute lowest was so heartbreaking (but the movie was so cool to watch!)

As you probably know, the wakeshrooms cause the person who eats them to stay awake until they die, and makes them more aggravated and brings out their negative emotions more, so i can see why she became more deranged as the movie went on. i feel so bad for her she deserves better 😭 i see why she was driven into madness after meeting shanks after all those years

Being kept on that island for so many years mustve been so depressing, so she was in a bad mental state most of her life. Kept alone, isolated with the entire world other than Gordon, not knowing anything going on in the world is so sad

I can see why she hates pirates so much, seeing as she cares so much about her fans (that she would trap them in the sing sing world just so they wouldnt have to deal with pirates anymore and for a 'new era' which she had good intentions with, but honestly it wasnt that great of an idea) she had the idea that all pirates were bad, and seeing all her fans sending her video mail about it probably amplified her hatred.

I took notice on how by the time uta had to sing tot musica, she was in her absolute worst mental and physical state, some of the words were linked together some words were messed up, i think ado captured on how much of a terrible state uta was in by the time she was forced to sing the song perfectly, i adore ado's singing in film red so much

I might've misunderstood uta honestly, i might've done her wrong in this post, i also realize this entire post is a rant but oh well i honestly just wanted to talk about her, anyone wanna tell me their thoughts on film red?

[scarasun]

another year wiser - and happier.

pairing ; scaramouche x gn!reader

wc ; 5.6k

summary ; when you find out that scaramouche has been keeping his birthday a secret from you, you take it upon yourself to make his day as amazing as possible.

cw ; scaramouche is called scaramouche throughout the fic because idk what else to call him, reader can't cook, slight angst at the end but we get a happy ending (wooo), your ex shows up and he's a creep, you're bad at painting, light cursing

a/n ; andd here it is!!!! i've pieced together this fic in the past two days, so im truly sorry if there are any mistakes throughout, or if the wording is just off. maybe i'll read it through later and fix a few things. anyways, im tagging @keqism, who prompted me to get my idea on paper for scara's bday,,,ty <333 speaking of ideas, i had wayyy too much time thinking about what scenario i could possibly write, and ended up using all my ideas...that's why this piece is so long. anyways, enjoy!

9:00am 

Scaramouche, once the mighty Sixth Harbinger of the Fatui and now the Dendro Archon's helper, has been keeping his birthday a secret from you.

Although the both of you had been together for quite a while, he had given no indication that his birthday fell on the third day of the year, and if it hadn't been for Nahida's intel, you would've never guessed.

You straightened your back, wiping the sweat from your forehead as you examined your handiwork. A couple small sausages lay on the chopping board in front of you, the bottom half of them sliced into eighths. They looked just like the pictures in the recipe you were using (if you were willing to look past the fact that the cuts were uneven), and if the instructions were correct, the ends would curl up when they were put to fry.

Such was the magic of squid sausages - and you were hoping your boyfriend would love it.

Being no good at cooking, Scaramouche had designated himself to be the household chef, claiming that even as a puppet, he was not immune to food poisoning. That didn't stop you though.

Knowing that Scaramouche had hidden his birthday away from you probably meant that he had never celebrated it in his life - or maybe he never had a reason to. But now that you were in his life, you were determined to bring a smile to his face - starting with breakfast in bed.

You filled the heated pan with some oil and put the sausages into it, biting back a yelp as the oil began to react violently. You watched with bated breath as the ends of the sausages began to curl outwards, and you switched off the stove after a few moments, too afraid that the sausages would begin to burn. Turning to the bento box sitting on the counter, you began to organize its contents carefully, folding the fried eggs into rolls and shaping them into hearts. You positioned the sausages to lie face up, placing the bacon you had made earlier on top of them to make it look like a blanket.

When it looked perfect in your eyes, you took the bento into one hand and a glass of juice into the other. and made your way to your shared bedroom. You walked as lightly as possible, being careful enough to not accidentally spill the juice, but it still quivered dangerously in its glass as you opened the bedroom door. I'm shaking it way too much...

Looking up, you almost dropped the bento to the ground. Before you, Scaramouche lay on his back, hands behind his head - clearly wide awake. At the sight of you, he cocked his eyebrows.

"Good morning! You're awake," you said cheerfully, shaking out of your initial shock. You dropped the bento and the glass on his bedside table, taking a seat next to where he was lying.

"Well it was sort of hard to stay asleep with all the ruckus you were making," he mumbled, his voice still hoarse with sleep. "Didn't I tell you to stay out of the kitchen?"

"Well yeah, but I didn’t," He sat up, and you took the bento into your hands, placing it on his lap. "Bon appetit, sweetheart."

He poked at the food with his fork, taking a bit of the eggs into his mouth. You clasped your hands together, awaiting his response, but he remained silent. 

"Well? How does it taste?"

"...It's quite good actually. You've improved a lot." You beamed, and he reached up to tousle your hair. 

"Aren't you wondering what the occasion is?" you asked. You knew Scaramouche wouldn't forget his own birthday – right?

"Not particularly," he responded. His attention was laser-focused on his breakfast, and you almost felt like he had forgotten. Almost. But you knew better than to fall for his poker-face.

You touched his shoulder, and he looked up, finally glimpsing the serious expression on your face. "Come on, don't act like you don't know. Today is your birthday, isn't it?"

He paused his chewing, wide eyes locked on yours. So Nahida was right - it really was his birthday.

"Who told you? It was Nahida, wasn't it?" His eyes glinted, like a deer caught in headlights.

"Yeah, but why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't like following stupid human customs,” he replied nonchalantly, popping a squid sausage into his mouth.

"I knew you would've said something like that. But I'll show you how amazing our 'stupid human customs' can be!"

He paused his chewing. "What are you thinking about doing?"

You stood up from the bed quickly, your excitement beginning to bubble over. "I'm glad you asked! I have a lot of things planned for us today-"

"Absolutely not. Ignore what Nahida told you."

His rejection meant nothing – you had many cards up your sleeve, cards that would have him succumbing to your plans in a second. You sat back onto the bed, looking at him with pleading eyes as you pulled your lips into a pretty pout. "Please? Do it for me?"

"...Fine. But at least let me wash the dishes. You’ve already cooked."

"No! It's your birthday!"

"If you don't let me at least wash the dishes then I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Okay! The dishes are yours to handle."

11:00am

"Here we are!" you said, pointing to the low-ceiling building in front of you. It was a Sumerian restaurant, one that had opened recently. Its roof was tiled with vibrant green, and patterned, red cloth was hung from each of the four posts at the corners of the restaurant. It looked even better than the last time you saw it.

"And what is this?" Scaramouche deadpanned. He looked up at the restaurant with no kind of amazement.

"A restaurant, obviously." 

"But we just ate."

"Well all that traveling has got me hungry! Besides, I've been wanting to take you here since they first opened. Let's go!" you said, pushing him towards a seat on the outskirts of the pavilion.

As soon as the both of you sat down, a waitress approached your table, smiling cordially. "What would you guys like to order?"

Scaramouche opened his mouth (no doubt to tell the waitress off for rushing the both of you), when you leaned over and touched his forearm. His attention now fully focused on you, you took his distraction as an opportunity to intervene.

"Yes, we'd love to order now. I'd like to have the Aaru Mixed Rice, and he'll take the Tandoori Chicken, please."

"I don't think I've ever heard of that dish in my life," Scaramouche mumbled under his breath. 

You patted his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, I know you'll love it."

"Okay!" the waitress said as she finished scribbling in her tiny notepad. "Your food will be ready in fifteen minutes tops!"

"I'm going to the washroom, I'll be right back," Scaramouche said, getting up from his seat as the waitress departed.

You leaned back in your chair, feeling its cold metal digging into your skin. So far, things were going well, and your boyfriend hadn’t been reacting negatively. As a matter of fact, he wasn't giving any type of reaction. You knew he wasn't often the excitable type, but you were beginning to wonder if taking him out was the best idea. He wasn't easy to appease, and while you enjoyed teasing him, you didn't want to upset him.

Maybe there's a reason why he never shared his birthday with me, you thought.

You both had your fair share of baggage, but Scaramouche's past was darker by far - there was no doubt he hid it from you without a good reason. You sighed, fiddling with the edge of the tablecloth, when a large shadow loomed over the table.

"Scara, are you-" You turned your head, and the words died on your lips.

It was your ex, a smug smile plastered onto his face, like a pirate who had found some thousand-year-old treasure. The look sent a shiver down your spine. What was he doing here?

"Well, look who it is. It's been a long time, hasn't it? What are you doing at a restaurant like this?" He reached out to touch your hair, and you instantly recoiled.

You straightened your back, giving him a dirty stare. "That's none of your business, Earl."

He let out a hearty laugh, but you knew he was less than amused at the situation. It only masked his anger at being talked back to, if anything.

"Seems like you grew some guts since the last time we saw each other," he said lowly, his gaze traveling to the empty seat across from you. "And it also looks like you're here with new company. Your better half, maybe?"

Earl cackled again, attracting the attention of a few customers nearby.

"And who the fuck are you?" a voice laced with barely restrained anger echoed from behind Earl, and you heaved a sigh of relief.

Although Earl was probably a full foot taller than your boyfriend, his confidence seemed to wither under the ex-Harbinger's stare.

Your ex grit his teeth, trying in vain to maintain his confident exterior. "I'm the ex. Who the hell are you?"

You saw a muscle tic in Scaramouche's jaw. "I'm the boyfriend. Now scram."

Earl gave him one last look before turning awkwardly on his feet, scurrying as quickly as possible in the other direction. Scaramouche took his seat across from you silently, as if nothing had happened.

You cleared your throat. "I'm so sorry-"

He waved his hand in dismissal. "It's fine. Let's move on."

You nodded, and a comfortable silence settled over your table gradually. Scaramouche’s purple eyes ventured out of the lookout point and beyond the city, and you followed his gaze.

It was basically a perfect view of the landscape of Sumeru, luscious green stretching on for miles and miles into the horizon. The sounds of laughter and talking along with the clatter of cutlery in the restaurant provided a busy sense of comfort, and for a moment you knew this was right where you needed to be – even if you had been accosted by an asshole mere minutes ago.

You looked back at Scaramouche, only to see him already staring at you. A sharp intake of breath escaped through your mouth.

"Well? How are you enjoying the view? I believe this is the best seat outside," you said hurriedly, taking a sip of your water to hide how flustered you were. Even though the both of you had been together for a considerable while, his purple stare never ceased to send your heart into disarray.

"It's...actually beautiful. Nice job," he replied, his gaze not once flickering back to the scenery.

Chuckling shyly, you pulled your hands into your lap. You opened your mouth to reply when you saw the waitress approaching your table at the corner of your eye, her hands filled with platters of food.

"Enjoy your meal!" She put the dishes on the table carefully, departing soon after. To say the food looked delectable would have been an understatement. The Tandoori Chicken seemed to be cooked perfectly, its golden skin shining under the sun. The rice you ordered was piled onto the plate, its colors varying as much as the ingredients used to make it. Both dishes smelled absolutely delicious, and your mouth watered as its aroma filled your nose.

"Taste it and tell me if you like it!" You took a bit of his chicken with your fork, and brought it to his lips.

He scowled, but it didn't hide the deep red coloring the tips of his ears. Taking the food into his mouth, he began to chew slowly. You watched as his eyes gradually lit up, and he swallowed.

"Well?"

"It's definitely not bad." You chuckled, knowing that that was probably the biggest praise he would probably ever give. From the way he was eating, you could tell he was enjoying the food.

After a few moments, he spoke again. “What’s next on the agenda?”

Deciding to be a little playful, you said: “Agenda? Who told you we were going anywhere else?”

Scaramouche put his fork down and glared at you, his mouth twisted into a frown. “You said you had plans – plural.”

You laughed; he was so easy to tease it was almost ridiculous.

“Don’t worry about that right now. Just focus on eating.”

2:00pm

By the time the both of you had paid the bill and left the restaurant, the sun had risen to its station in the sky, watching over Sumeru with a burning glare. People who had initially decided to eat outside fled from the scorching heat, and you yourself had taken off your jacket, already beginning to boil as well. Scaramouche, as expected, didn’t give any indication that he was bothered by the heat.

“Where do we go next?” he asked, as the both of you continued along the path leading deeper into Sumeru city. It was probably the fifth time he had asked since the both of you left the restaurant.

“Oh? Are you, by any chance, excited about our next destination?” You hooked your arm through his.

He rolled his eyes at the smile plastered onto your face, but didn’t say anything to deny it. “To answer your question, we’ll be going to a spot right outside the city, to do something I think you’ll enjoy. But we have to make a stop over here first.”

You pulled him towards a pair of large, brass doors, the steep, rounded stairs leading the both of you to the Bazaar. It was as busy as expected, shop owners clamoring loudly as customers bustled through stalls. The air was thick with the aroma of spices and flora, and dancers practiced on the large stage, their costumes glimmering under the bright spotlight. 

You led Scaramouche to a stall on the right, being careful not to bump into the crowd. “What could you possibly want from here?��� He asked, raising his voice over the commotion.

“You’ll see!”

Eventually, you reached a small stall at the corner of the Bazaar. Two shelves at the back contained row after row of bouquets, all in the most elaborate vases, and flower vines wrapped around the posts holding up the canopy of the stall. Behind the counter sat an old lady with kind eyes hidden behind thick glasses.

“Mrs. Li! I’ve come to pick up my order.”

“You’re here, finally. I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show up,” she got up slowly, making her way to the back of her stall. Mrs. Li was a gardener who hailed from Liyue, who decided to travel to Sumeru to partake in the market of selling plants and flowers. You had met her on your own travels to Liyue, and when you heard that she was opening a shop in the Bazaar, you knew you needed to check it out.

You turned to Scaramouche, who was shuffling from foot to foot. His face harbored no expression, but you knew he was less than pleased at the crowd.

You took his hand in yours, rubbing circles onto his knuckles soothingly. “Don’t worry, we don’t have much longer. I just need to grab something from here and we’ll be on our way.” You gave his hand a light squeeze and felt him squeeze back.

“Did you buy me a present from this stall?” 

Before you could reply, Mrs. Li reappeared behind the counter, holding a simple yet beautiful bouquet in her hands. She winked and smiled at Scaramouche sweetly, before handing the flowers to you.

“Here you are. Enjoy!”

---

Back outside, you dragged Scaramouche to the first empty corner that you spied, eager to let him examine the bouquet more closely. You had placed the order for a custom-made bouquet an entire month before his birthday – and Mrs. Li surely delivered. 

“Here you are,” you said, thrusting the bouquet into his hands. You leaned over and pecked his cheek. “Happy birthday, handsome.”

His ears reddened at the nickname. “Thank you.”

“Look here,” you reached over and opened the pristine, white card attached to it. Written in gold lettering were the names of the flowers included in the bouquet, along with their respective meanings. “The pink bluebells signify everlasting love, the gardenias represent joy, the balloon flowers mean endless love and honesty…”

Scaramouche said nothing, but you knew he was listening attentively. He stared at the bouquet, his eyes slightly glazed over.

“Well? Do you like it?”

“I do.” His voice was quiet. He reached up and plucked one of the balloon flowers from the bouquet. You opened your mouth to protest, but not before he could lean over and bury it in your hair.

“These mean endless love, right��?” He said nothing more, but the implications were clear. The tips of his ears were red again, but this time you also felt a familiar heat creep into your cheeks. Even though this was his day and you were supposed to be treating him, he still found ways to make you fall in love all over again.

Patting his shoulder, you whispered, “Thank you.”

He looked away first, clearing his throat. “...Anyways, let’s go to the next place.”

4:00pm

The both of you walked in silence to the city gates, his left arm holding the bouquet close to his heart, and the other linked with yours. There was a certain bounce in his step that told you the gradual quietness of the atmosphere had improved his mood significantly, and with the way he was holding the bouquet, you knew he wouldn’t be parting ways with it in a hurry. He always made it a point that he detested sentimentality with every fiber of his being, but you knew him for too long to know that that wasn’t true.

Eventually, the both of you came across a clearing where a park had been installed. The grass was short but still thrived, and the rustle of the leaves overhead was more than enough to send a pleasant wave through your body. There were a few wooden tables evenly spaced out in the clearing, and lucky for the both of you, they were all empty. You led Scaramouche to the table closest to the trees and under the shade, and rested your satchel onto the table as you took your seat.

Scaramouche sat opposite to you, still clutching the bouquet of flowers to his chest. He looked around the empty area, the wind tousling his hair.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to have another meal,” he said flatly, watching as you rummaged through your satchel.

“No, actually. Although I do have some sandwiches in case any one of us gets hungry.”

You pulled out a dark brown, wooden box from your satchel and placed it onto the table, its cover painted with gold patterns. You opened the cover to reveal an abundance of potted paints and a variety of paintbrushes. Your boyfriend’s eyes widened at the sight of it, and you smiled.

Not long after he began working under Nahida, he had picked up the art of painting. He had spent endless hours working colors onto canvases – but he had never once showed you any of his artworks. Once day, while the both of you were walking along the streets of Sumeru, you noticed how the embellished wooden box of paints had snagged his attention, and he didn’t seem to take his eyes off of it until the both of you had rounded the corner.

“I know you seemed particularly interested in these paints the last time, so I decided to get it for you before they all sold out. I hope you like it.” Just like before, his eyes stayed glued to the box as you slid it towards him on the table. “I also brought some canvases. I thought we could try a little something.”

You reached into your satchel and pulled out two small canvases, along with two matching easels. 

“I’ve been seeing a lot of other people doing this and I thought it might be interesting…let’s try painting each other!”

He put down the cerulean blue paint pot he was examining and focused his full attention on you. His eyes narrowed. “Is this your excuse to take a peek at one of my paintings?” 

You threw your hands up in defense. “No! I just wanted you to try the paints out, and we can spend some quality time together while you’re at it.”

He hummed, probably only half-convinced, before taking up one of the easels. “Let’s get started then. Sunset is close.”

And so it began – your journey to capture the essence of your beloved’s soul onto a canvas. It puzzled you how Scaramouche – usually abrasive and snappy – could take up such a hobby, which required time and patience. Glancing over at him, you could see that his eyes, which were usually stormy, were now peaceful and clear, and the seemingly permanent scowl on his face had melted away. His paintbrush danced across his canvas in long and short strokes, and his palette was already filled with a myriad of mesmerizing colors. 

You, on the other hand, were struggling.

The colors you chose looked off together, and you never seemed to choose the right paintbrush to do the job. If you were in any other situation, you would’ve been pissed, but the most important thing was that Scaramouche seemed to be enjoying himself. That alone was enough to keep your mood from plummeting.

“I’m done. What about you?” he asked, setting his paintbrush down.

You were busy trying to fix the head you had painted for him, which looked more like a lopsided egg than anything else. You were about finished with the general painting, but nothing looked quite right. 

“Uh, I need more time,” you mumbled, painting over his bangs.

He nodded slowly, reaching over in your satchel to have a sandwich. Sitting back, you examined your painting from afar. If you squint a little, it doesn’t look so bad…

“That’s enough fixing. Let’s see your rendition of me.” You jumped, startled at his loud voice.

“Fine…It’s not any good, but in my defense, I don’t think I’ve ever held a paintbrush in my life…” You turned the easel towards him, watching his reaction closely.

His eyes widened into a look of horror, before his eyebrows twitched into a frown – but then, he did the unthinkable.

Scaramouche slapped his hand over his mouth and let out a full-bodied laugh, loud enough to echo through the park. He bent over his seat, his cheeks red and splotchy as tears began to stream down his eyes. You stared at him, shocked by his reaction. Was your painting really that hideous?

Finally, he calmed down, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes.

“Well? I hope I did your handsomeness justice,” you said lightly, playing off your incompetence as a joke. 

He took the canvas from the easel and smiled – one of the biggest you had seen in a long time. “...It needs some work. Maybe I’ll teach you some basics in the coming days.”

You smiled, before your gaze slid to his own canvas and easel. “You’ve had your fun, now let me have mine. I want to see your painting.”

He seemed to hesitate, his eyes lingering on the picture, before turning his easel towards you. You gasped.

To say it was breathtaking would’ve been an understatement. He had painted a picture of you smiling so deeply that your eyes were closed, and your hair seemed to blow in some imaginary wind. It didn’t even seem that he had pulled together such a piece in only two hours.

“Oh wow…” You breathed.

“I take it that you like it?” Scaramouche’s voice wavered a bit, and you looked up. His gaze was laser-focused on the wooden table in front of him, and a light blush dusted his cheeks.

“It’s absolutely amazing! I’m just surprised that you showed me your painting with so little convincing. You’ve never done that before.”

He shrugged. “It was the least I could do, especially for the paints.”

You reached over to give his hand a light squeeze. He squeezed back, and you smiled.

The sky overhead was beginning to turn purple, and you got up, taking a deep stretch. “The sun is starting to set, so let’s get going now.”

He stood up as well, packing away the supplies. “Are you done with your little tricks, or are we actually heading home now?” There was no bite to his words, and his lips were curled into a small smile. You held out your hand to him.

“Nope! I have one more place to take you. I have a feeling you’ll love this one the most.”

7:00pm

The sun had fully dipped below the horizon by the time the both of you had arrived at your last destination. Although the journey had only taken half an hour, you were panting by the time you made it up the hill.

“Here we are! Our final destination,” you spread your arms, taking your last few steps onto the plateau of the hill. From your location, you could see the entirety of Sumeru City in all its glory at night – a mix of warm glowing lights and stunning architecture. It was truly a sight to behold.

You turned around, feeling the absence of Scaramouche’s warmth by your side. He was standing a few feet away from you, moonlight shining onto his face. He was still holding the bouquet and canvas, but his eyes held a faraway look.

“Hey, are you okay?” you asked, walking towards him again. He shook his head and took a deep breath, coming out of his trance.

“Isn’t this the place where we…?” He didn’t finish his question, nor did he have to. You knew what he was talking about.

Months ago, when the both of you were still hiding your infatuation for the other under a moth-bitten veil, you had journeyed up that very hill with him to star-gaze. A study of the constellations quickly turned into a confession, and the next thing you knew, his soft, inviting lips were on yours. It wasn’t a day you had ever forgotten, and by the looks of it, it hadn’t slipped his mind either.

You looked out at the city again, a small smile creeping onto your face at the memory. “It is. Do you mind being here?”

He shook his head, and followed you to where you stood at the plateau. You took a large cloth out of your satchel and spread it across the stony ground, taking your seat next to him. It was usually so easy to forget what a small place you took up in the world with everything going on around you, but with your gaze elevated towards the stars, all your worries melted away.

From next to you, you felt Scaramouche’s hand slowly creep onto yours, your fingers intertwining. You looked towards him and smiled, reaching up to run your fingers through his soft hair.

“How do you like the view?” You whispered. He leaned into your touch and closed his eyes.

“It’s just the same as I remembered it,” he opened his eyes suddenly, and a serious look crossed his face. “But didn’t I tell you the stars in the sky were fake?”

You rolled your eyes at him, your gaze turning towards the sky once again. The stars seemed to have been thrown randomly throughout the sky, some bigger and brighter than others. Some also appeared to be twinkling. Even if your boyfriend was right, and the stars really were fake, was it not enough to appreciate the night sky as it was?

You turned to Scaramouche, only to see him staring back at you.

“Frankly, I don’t care if they’re fake or not. What really matters is whether or not you enjoyed your birthday.”

He turned his face away from you, obviously hiding a smile. “Well? Did you?” You reached around his neck, dragging him towards you so that your forehead was against his.

“Of course I did, idiot. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here now.”

You sighed, relief flooding your chest. “Well, that’s a relief. I was wondering if all my careful planning would be a waste.”

He leaned over and gave your cheek a light peck, before the both of you settled into a comfortable silence. However, something still lingered at the back of your mind, only beginning to resurface now that your surroundings were quiet.

“Scaramouche.”

“Hm?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about your birthday?”

In your arms, you felt his body tense up, before he pulled away from you. His eyes were shadowed with an indescribable emotion, and he edged away from you, the few inches of space between you now feeling like miles and miles of cold nothingness. You could feel him mentally pulling away from you, and you knew asking such a question was a huge mistake. 

“It’s okay! You don’t have to answer…Just pretend I never asked.”

With his face angled towards the ground, it was difficult to gauge his expression. After a few agonizing moments, he finally shook his head, turning to face you.

He was crying.

Tears streamed down his face, and his breaths came in short gasps. It was nothing like a few hours earlier, when he had laughed so hard he started crying – these were real tears, glistening with sadness and hurt.

“I’m so sorry! Please, don’t cry…”

Comforting others wasn’t usually your strong suit, especially when it came to Scaramouche. He would always request that you leave him alone whenever he was facing another one of his nightmares, always desiring to put up a strong front. But you could always see in his eyes how much he needed you there by his side, even if he wasn’t ready to admit it.

However, in that moment when he turned to you, his energy was different. His usually hard exterior had totally shattered, leaving nothing but a broken boy. He was broken, but he was still beautiful.

Tentatively, you reached out to wipe the tears from his cheek. He leaned towards you, burying his neck in your face, and you wrapped your arms around his shaking form. A few minutes passed with the both of you huddled together like that – or it could’ve been hours, you weren’t sure – before he finally pulled away, his cheeks still red and splotchy.

“I’m sorry…” He sniffled, and you felt your heart breaking all over again.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for anything. It was my–” 

“No.” He inhaled deeply and straightened his back, his eyes hardening with a new resolve. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

You stared at him in silence for a few moments, before he continued. “I’ve never celebrated my birthday. Before I met you, before all of this, I hated myself. I didn’t see the point in my creation – my mother had found me defective, and tossed me out like trash. I had spent years suffering and consequently making others suffer because I hated myself. But now–”

He took your hand gently, caressing your knuckles. “Now, because of you, I don’t feel like that at all, and it’s almost scary. I’ve been hating myself since I existed, and now I can’t bring myself to feel like that again…It’s so scary.”

You pulled him into a hug again, and he wrapped his arms tightly around you. In the crook of your neck, you heard him whisper: “I don’t deserve this kindness…”

You pulled away from him to look him in the eyes, wiping away the extra tears that had fallen. “No, you do. Even if you don’t think so, you have good in you – you are good.”

He began to shake his head, but you took his face into your hands, making sure that he had nothing else to focus on except you. “Yes, you are good. What about all those times you insisted on helping me around the house? And when you defended me earlier today? You might not think of yourself as kind, but everyone else can clearly see it. Although I can’t speak for anyone else, I for one am glad that you’re here with me, even after everything you’ve been through.” 

One of your hands came up to rest on his chest, where his heart should’ve been. You leaned over giving him a small peck on his nose. “Don’t cry, okay? It’s called happy birthday for a reason.”

He couldn’t fight the smile that crept onto his face at your analogy.

“If you don’t mind, can I ask you something? How did you enjoy your first birthday celebration? I know you said birthdays were stupid…” You chuckled at the memory from earlier, and he followed suit. You were glad to see him smiling again.

“Of course. Didn’t I tell you before? If I didn’t like it, I would’ve left a long time ago. And you were so kind, doing all these things…” He stole a glance at the bouquet and the canvases peeking out from inside your satchel.

You released a sigh of relief, the weight on your shoulders lifting. “I’m glad, then.”

You pressed your lips to his, and he reciprocated, deepening the kiss. You pulled away first, leaning your forehead against his. If you weren’t sure earlier, you were definitely now – he was the one you wanted to be with at the end of your days. 

The moon was already deep into its journey through the sky, but you didn’t want the night to end. You just wanted to see him happy for as long as he existed. 

“Happy birthday, Scaramouche.”

[astoryofsuchwoe]

sorry to come into ur inbox at like 10am (at least its 10am here) but u sent me asks yesterday so ill send u some back!! teehee ^_^

what are your other ocs thoughts on cindy and ankoku? for florence and an, how do you think they'd feel about seeing someone (ankoku) who was treated the complete opposite as them in every way possible?

do you think castile and cindy would be friends? if so, how would castile feel about cindy being able to successfully escape and not her?

how would they react to brandons death? how would they treat cindy afterwards?

YIPPEE YAY im so excited giggles giggles giggles!! and dont worry im literally almost awake all the time i will ramble about these guys any chance that i get. and i'll put each oc in paragraphs LMAO. ITS SO LONG SO UNDER THE CUT

florence ; i think that florence is very. confident in himself and his facade so he probably wouldn't see much of ankoku. he's probably heard about and caught glimpses of him though, and can't help but feel a bit bad. i don't think he'd be the most sympathetic though? he's kind of got the mentality of "glad that wasn't me!" so yeah. and he definitely tries to maintain a good reputation and stay popular, so i think that he'd at least try to be friends with cindy! if she catches onto his lies though.. that's on him. he doesn't really react much internally to brandon's death, yet another case of him just. not really giving a shit about others? he does know that he has to act more sympathetic about the death though, so he'll be one of the first people to send his condolences to cindy.

caliste ; i think that caliste miiight be a bit too into her superiority that she wouldn't really consider being friends with someone who isn't on the same level as her. HOWEVER i can see this changing if cindy ever finds her in the middle of one of her many panic attacks. she'd act like she'd hate it, but i assume cindy would be kind to her during the exchange, so she'd be a bit nicer in turn. she's also like florence about brandon's death, in the sense that she doesn't really care all that much. if she is in a stage of being nicer to cindy though, she'll make her a cup of coffee (even if cindy doesn't like it lol). i think that she would feel kind of .. numb when she hears about cindy's escape though. she used to try it all the time, and the fact that somebody she considered not as good as her was able to do it? well, she'd kinda send herself into a spiral for weeks. but obviously nobody will know about it!

an ; i definitely think that at the start of her career, she'd probably get anxious before performances, so she would see ankoku a few times! she would immediately feel sympathetic upon seeing him, and she constantly asks if he needs anything to feel better. she basically ends up switching the roles lol. she is very sympathetic, and if she ever sees him in passing, she'll always offer him a quick snack. she sees a lot of trix in ankoku, which... yikes, is all i have to say. i feel like she would also be friends with cindy and brandon with trix! she's absolutely heartbroken about brandon's death, and she makes sure to see cindy to give her condolences and offer a shoulder to cry on.. she'd probably stop being friends with cindy after trix and her break up, and that's only because she wants trix to have friends and knows that she wouldn't be friends with cindy if an stuck around so. yeah!

trix ; in the case where trix stays in alien stage, she would DEFINITELY be seeing a lot of ankoku. she's angry and pissed that she has to participate, and her collar always stays between yellow and red all the time anyway. she'd probably hate having to be "watched" though, so she would lash out at him even if it's not his fault. she felt so so so numb after brandon's death. she didn't know what to do with herself. she clung to an a lot in this time, silently seeking comfort that the other just wasn't able to provide. she also clung to cindy, but once she ended up escaping, that was when she really started to isolate herself.

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ college spirit (chapter 7)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

Chapter warnings- okay so this is probably the chapter with the most warnings, there is a lot of alchohol, lots of swearing, theres themes of relationship abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, blood mention, we see jungkook btw (bc its party time) Taehyungs heart is in the right place but he does something bad. Kaito is a dickhead say it with me. dont read if youre sensitive to domestic abuse themes, this one was rough yall. also apologies for spelling errors.

A/N- So this is the chapter I would label as story changing, everything kind of takes a giant move in an opposite direction from here on out, Its crazy but hope you enjoy!!

-

Growing up, you thought that life would just magically align the moment you hit your 20's, you would be married with 2 kids living somewhere that provided everything you needed, and anything you wanted. You can laugh at yourself now for thinking, or even considering, that your early 20's would be any different from your teen years.

Because, with that said, here you were laying in bed with Taehyung as he slept, while your boyfriend was out doing God knows what. Granted, he isnt the best boy to use as an example, but just a few hours ago you almost kissed your best friend. You are a lot of things, but despite the shitty situation, you are not a cheater.

You could have yelled at him, you could have made a big deal about what happened outside, but you didnt.

You told yourself that this was taehyungs night to shine, so you dropped it and did what you both always do, forget it even happened. He is stubborn though, and snuck into your bed right before you fell asleep.

Its not unusual for you both to sleep near one another, but you would think he would get the hint that things needed to simmer down for a few.....guess not.

"youre awake?"

you turned your head to the raspy voice beside you, rubbing your eyes as you hummed. "yeah"

He smiled and stretched, burying his face into the pillow before reluctantly sitting up against the headboard.

"You sleep okay?" you ask

"yeah" tae chuckled, "Sort of have a headache..."

"ah" you reached into your nightstand and grabbed some Tylenol, handing the pills over to him along with your not drunk water bottle from last night.

He smiled graciously and took the medicine, sipping the bottle before clearing his throat. "thanks" the boy yawned. "any plans today?" he looked at you

You pulled down the sheet and sat up as well, groaning at the stubborn sunlight peaking through your curtains. "Um...yeah. shit I forgot....some of my friends are throwing a party and I said I would show up. I dont know why I agreed"

"what?" tae whined "just dont go"

"nah they will be pissed at me, they already called me a prude for working and being home all day after school" you shrug

Tae sunk into the bed, upset that you would be out and about while he stayed in the apartment. "I'll just make an appearance, then make my exit, okay? it wont be like an all night thing, swear" you rambled.

"can I go at least?" he pleaded with big eyes

sighing, you look up at the ceiling. "eh, Im not sure thats....I dont know if its a good idea"

"why not?"

"because you dont know anyone over there except from Chae and Dahyun...who youve only met a few times, and-"

"whos throwing the party?"

"...I dont know? Some kid named Jungkook"

"see? you dont even know whos gonna be there so whats the difference if I go?" he insisted

"Because I definitely will recognize people, we all are on the same campus, you wont know a soul"

"Pleaseeee" he jokingly whined and held onto your arm.

"tae"

"Is kaito going?"

"yes"

"then I will too"

you scoff and pull back, "youre going just because he is?"

He looks at you, "no, I just- whatever im going" he stands up and flairs his arms around dramatically before going into the bathroom to wash up, not giving any room to further the conversation.

you fall back against the pillows and sigh. You never wanted to go, but you thought perhaps you had a chance at having fun, now that chance was at like....0.0002%. You loved tae, but certain people in your life dont, certain people who will be at that party, certain people who told you not to bring him.

-

"Yes mom, i-...yes yes, I already said that" you paced around the kitchen with your cellphone pressed to your ear, attempting to clean off the counters while conversing with your mother who was back in Gwangju.

"Well im just saying, your birthday is next month and I would come to Busan myself but my back is still giving issues, doctor said no travel. Would love to see you and kaito come visit me"

You looked around the kitchen as you listened to your mom speak, eyes catching on taehyung who was eating an english muffin in the living room, writing an email to his mom about how he won the art contest.

"I'll talk to him, we both have crazy schedules right now and the semester isnt over until the end of next month, so-"

"its okay if you cant, im just throwing it out there"

"no no, i'll find a way, ok? I only turn 23 once, and Im sure Kaito will love to meet you too."

Tae took a bite of his food and cocked his head to you, raising his eyebrows as you silently shrugged in response.

"Ok....mhm. I love you too mama, text me, okay? ...bye bye" you sigh and put your phone down.

"early birthday festivities?"

"yeah....Im gonna visit mom in a few weeks and she asked me to bring the..boy" you giggle, making him smile.

"she doesnt wanna see me?"

"I think she just wants to meet my current boyfriend, youll see her on easter" you pat his back and walk into your room.

-

"I think Jungkook is cute" Dahyun spoke up, biting into her donut as she scrolled through social media, showing his photos to Chae.

"eh he is oka- woah, yeah hes hot" she leaned closer into her friends phone as Kaito sighed and handed over their coffees. "thanks bean boy" chae chuckled and sipped her drink.

"If you guys are gonna harass me on my shift you can go" he adjusted his apron before wiping off the counter. "do you seriously plan on waiting until I get off of work? you cant drive yourself to the party?"

"what else do we have to do? and....its raining" dahyun drank her coffee, turning to Kaito. "plus you only have another 30 minuets, hurry up"

Chae laughed and walked over to sit in one of the booths as kaito took a new customers order.

"dahyun cmere"

The girl walked over and sat with her friend, looking down at her phone. "whats that?"

"Its Y/N and taehyung" she snickered, scrolling through the collected photos you took last night on your instagram.

Kaito peered over at his friends, curious upon hearing your name brought up. "Oh, yeah, they had this stupid art thing last night, guess he won or whatever" he dried his hands and handed the customer their drink.

"this doesnt look like a art thing" Dahyun smirked

"what?" he came from behind the counter, walking over to see a video of you, drunk, at some bar with taehyung, eating fries.

"she said she was going home after" he pouted and took the girls phone into his hands

"hey!" chae snatched her phone back

"she lied to me" he scoffs and looks again at the videos. "this was last night? youre sure?"

"it says 18 hours ago, yes"

He scratched his head and silently walked back to his position, not speaking a single word until his shift ended. The girls sharing humorous yet worried glances at eachother.

-

"He isnt picking you up"

"what?" you walk around the lobby of your apartment complex as you struggle to comprehend your friend on the other line.

"He said he cant pick you up, but he would see you at the party" Chae spoke louder.

"why cant he pick me up?, where-, what is he doing?"

"I dont know, but thats what he said, ask him" she responded shortly before getting distracted by someone else and hanging up on accident.

You sigh loudly and walk over to taehyung who was resting on the bench. "so hes not picking me up, big surprise"

"what?" he sat up and faced you

You two had gotten ready quickly around 6pm and waited in the lobby for your boyfriend, who you thought would be picking you up.

"I dont know" you shrug and pinch the bridge of your nose,

"hey its okay, i'll go back upstairs and get my keys...ill drive us" he patted your back as you looked at your feet.

"no its not that, I just....he's been acting so off and different. I sent him a cute message last night and he texted me back all lovey dovey this morning, now hes ignoring me, I cant take his fucking moodswings"

"im sorry" he mumbled, looking around at the busy lobby. "maybe...maybe I shouldnt go, like, do you think hes mad that we hung out last night?" he asked

"I dont know anymore, man" you look back at him, "I think we should just go, im not gonna hide from him...maybe I can get him to talk with me" you sigh and stand to your feet. "Im okay with you coming just really...keep your distance"

"from you?"

"from him"

he nods and stands, "okay, just wait here i'll get my keys"

-

The house party was loud, maybe too loud for an on campus event, especially considering it was only 7pm. You practically felt the music blaring inside of you as you timidly stepped into the crowded house. You were immediately met with the mixed aroma of sweat, alcohol, bath and body works perfume, and incense.

"eugh.." you turn to Taehyung and carefully grabbed his arm, leading him out of the busy room. "Just sit, im gonna go look for Kai an-"

"Y/N!"

you turn your head to be met with an already drunk Chae, bringing you into her sweaty arms.

"oh..hey, uh-"

"you need to come with me, we are doing Karaoke upstairs, and Im winning" she yelled, alcohol evident on her breath as it smacked your face.

"you can win Karaoke?" tae mumbled behind you

"yes, yes you can!!" she pointed at him and grabbed your arm, "lets go bitch"

"wait y/n, dont leave me" tae pouted and grasped your other arm.

"I promise ill be right back, okay?" you offered a slight apologetic smile before being whisked away by your friend upstairs, leaving the boy alone in a room full of unfamiliars.

As you made your way into some cleared out room, your eyes were drawn to the huge Karaoke machine set up. "woah..."

"Yeah woah cmon lets go sing a celine dion song"

"chae hold on, wheres Kaito?"

"who?"

you sighed and looked around before grabbing her shoulders, "my boyfriend, Kaito, I need to talk to him, like now. Tall, black hair, you know.....goes by kaito." you dramatically explained as you watched your best friends eyes widen

"Oh yeah.... he is mad at you" she snickered and was quickly distracted by other people, running away before you could question anything she had just said.

"what the fuck" you exhaled, pushing through everyone to try and find kai.

Meanwhile, Taehyung navigated the party downstairs as he awkwardly made his way to the kitchen. There was no order of cleanliness, there was no organization, and the looks of all the mixed red solo cups scattered throughout the entire room kind of disgusted him. He didnt trust any of it, he lifted up a bottle of what looked like tequila and sniffed it, nope, definitely not tequila.

He gave up on finding something to sip on, leaning against the kitchen island as he peered around the large space that seemed too loud for his liking.

Perhaps this was how you felt last night in the art museum.

" 'scuse me" a voice came up beside the boy, making him quickly turn his head and try to figure out who was talking to him, the dim lighting making it difficult.

"what?"

"youre standing in front of the vodka. excuse me" the man repeated, only then did Taehyung understand and scoot over to the side, allowing access to the alcohol. "sorry" he murmured.

"dont think Ive seen you around" the man joked, smiling as he poured and mixed two different bottles into his cup. "whats your name?"

Taehyung looked down to his feet and quickly decided if he should lie or be honest, figuring that these were all college kids, and well, he was not.

"uh, im taehyung. Kim taehyung" he decided, holding out his hand in a gesture of a handshake.

The man looked down and chuckled, ignoring the greeting and looking up at tae. "yeah? you seem unsure"

"yes, thats my name. sorry, i dont usually do parties and shit"

"i can tell man" he took a sip of his drink, audibly wincing before smiling. "Im Jungkook"

Tae raised his brow in acknowledgment

"wanna drink? you look tense" jungkook patted his shoulder and offered him a sip of his own cup, which taehyung reluctantly drank from.

"eugh, jesus christ, that tastes awful"

"I know, but it will get you fucked up" jungkook shrugged,

"hey jungkook wheres Jin at? he said he wou-" a voice came into the kitchen, stopping abruptly when he stood in front of Tae.

"hey" taehyung swallowed harshly

well. he found kaito.

Kaitos eyes drunkingly looked over his figure, a look of disgust and only disgust is what best could be described as his reaction to him being here.

"ah no way, you guys know eachother?" jungkook looked between the two of them happily,

"sort of..." taehyung chuckled, feeling sweat develop on his neck and back.

"wheres y/n?" he asked, looking at him intensly

"Uh, I genuinely dont know...she went away with chae and-"

"wait, y/n is here?" jungkook interrupted, stepping between them both.

"yeah" they both said at the same time before meeting eachothers eyes again.

"dude.....where is she? shes hot as hell" he whisper yelled, peaking into the next room excitedly.

Taehyung glared at the boy, waiting to see kaitos reaction.

"I know, shes my girlfriend"

"no shit dude!" jungkook slapped kaitos back, now ignoring tae completely. "lucky ass"

"nah man" they both stood a few feet away from tae in the doorway, speaking quietly. "she got the worst personality, stuck up as hell. walks and talks as if she doesnt know the only reason boys talk to her is for her tits" he slurs and bursts out laughing

"damn thats harsh man... even for you"

"whatever, i dont care. you can probably have her next...." he sipped his beer quickly

Taehyung felt the anger course through his chest, he wanted to run up and say something, but frankly, he was scared of Kaito, and you had mentioned something about him when he was drunk. If this was it, yeah, its scary.

He immediately stormed out of the room and pushed through the crowd to search for you, the music now blasting louder than before. He quickly walked up to someone familiar by the stairs

"Dahyun, is Y/N around? is she upstairs?"

"taehyung!" she hugged him, "uh...I think? Chae is probably working her. shes ok im sure" she giggled and dragged him over to a lighter area. "look at my manicure! give me an honest opinion. Jimin said it wasnt work $80 bucks and I should just do them myself now, but I think its cute and-"

she went on and on about something that had nothing to do with him for what seemed like forever. Whos jimin? who cares its just a manicure?

he thought to himself as he smiled and nodded.

"they look good, gotta go" he quickly spoke, politely tapping her shoulder before making a dash upstairs. He checked each door, opening up a bathroom to expose two randoms making out.

"oh! uh, im sorry" he covered his eyes and slammed the door shut, walking to the other hall and entering a loud and packed room. "hey chae..." he walked up to the girl, who was in the middle a very intense just dance session with some other poor girl who fell victim.

"heEyy!!" she slurred and danced over to him

He smiled and caught her as she tripped, helping her up. "whats upppp?"

He laughed and made sure she was able to stand on her own before speaking. "do you know where Y/N is?"

"did you see my dancing?" she randomly questioned

"yes, I saw your dancing chae, very nice, now have you seen y/n?"

she looked around curiously before speaking, "oh, yeah, she went to the bathroom!" she yelled into his face

"great, thanks" he gave a thumbs up as he went back into the hall. well he knew which bathroom you werent in.

He trailed down the hall and walked into a bedroom that seemed to be empty, he gently called out your name.

"I'll be out in a second" you shout back, making him exhale in relief. He shut the door to the bedroom and sat on the bed as he waited for you to exit the restroom.

"oh, tae, hi" you mumbled, walking out to him. "you okay?"

"y/n, we need to talk, like...now" he stood up as you made your way over, standing in front of him.

You saw the concern on his face as he spoke, clearing your throat. "wh-whats wrong? what happened?"

"I ran into Kaito and I think-

the door slowly creaked open, a certain someones head peaking in.

"Oh surprise surprise, youre in here with her" Kaito opened the door and walked over, stumbling over his feet.

You stepped closer to tae, feeling fear seep in as you took in your boyfriends very drunk state.

"get out" he looked at taehyung

"no im no-"

"just get the fuck out" he bit

"Taehyung please its okay just go" your voice choked, eyes tearing up as you led him to the door.

"dont let him do anything" he whispered, as you shut the door in his face, making him take a deep breath as he paced through the busy hall outside.

You slowly turned to the boy, waiting for him to speak.

"so, I know that...maybe this is not the best time or whatever to bring this up, but im ready to just..." he began, pausing after words as his thought process was slowed.

"ready to what?" you fidgeted with your bracelets, keeping by the door in case he tried to touch you again.

"move on with my life" he laughed and looked at you.

"wh..what?"

"y/n lets be honest, you dont give two fucking shits about me anymore, so why are we doing this. you dont care, you never have"

you scoffed, "Kaito you are drunk...stop this please, you have no idea what youre saying! How dare you say I dont care about you when all ive done is worry about where you have been and why you are upset!"

"oh please" he stood up and walked around. "you wouldnt care if I died tomorrow, you would find the next boy toy to move on to."

"stop" you mumble, "im not like that, you are being an awful person to me right now"

he walked over and laughed, "why? because im calling you out? calling you out for being a whore?"

you bit the inside of your cheek to avoid breaking out in tears right then and there. you couldnt even speak, you were too afraid and frankly confused on what even caused this sudden outburst.

"you are the one crying? really? I should be upset, I am upset."

he shook his head as he looked at you, " I dont think theres anything left for us right now, so just leave it at that, yeah?" he mumbled into your face as you shoved you aside, allowing him to open the door.

You were shocked, you planned on coming to fix whatever was going on between you both, all of the stressing, just to for him to get drunk and break up with you in some random bedroom. no.

You carefully grasped his arm before he left, "kai, please dont do this" you whispered, his arm forcefully pulling away from you. "dont"

Kaito stormed through the people out in the hall, making his way down the stairs as your eyes met taehyungs. You avoided stopping to talk with him as you decided to run after Kaito.

You were embarrassed. You tried to convince tae that you were in a happy and loving relationship, the little lie was now unraveling as the night ensued right in front of him and your friends.

"wait, please" you called out, following your boyfriend into the living room where the music blared. you tried your best to weave through as best you could, finally catching up to the boy and attempting to reason with him once more.

"baby please can we just talk?" you ask loudly, facing his back as he stood in the crowd.

"No, dont call me that" he mumbled.

"Y/N!!! whats up!" Jungkook ran out of the kitchen to your side, smiling and hugging you. "nice to formally meet you, are you enjoyin- why are you crying?" he pulled away and took in your appearance

"Im sorry Im just dealing with something" you calmly tried to explain, kaito turning around to the both of you. "dont listen to a word this slut says" he bit, making you swallow harshly.

Jungkook looked taken back, his eyes meeting yours sympathetically. "hey, cmon man, dont....dont say that. youre having another beer?" he asked, genuinely concerned for his friends behavior.

Taehyung pushed through and made his way to the living room, eyes wandering for you. He assumed it was best to just leave now, unaware of what had gone down just a few moments prior. He found you standing next to Kaito and Jungkook, watching from afar as he contemplated going over and taking you away.

"dont touch me" kaito shivered away from your touch, making you sigh. "lets go home to my apartment, we need to talk and get you sober, youve drunk too much" you spoke, looking at jungkook for support.

"yeah cmon, listen to her. its probably whats best." he nodded

Kaito looked down with anger at his feet as you stared at him for a moment, you were hesitant to speak any further, but the boy needed help and never listened. He needed to get sober and then probably never drink again. this....wasnt kaito.

"lets just go please? I'll take care of you sweetheart its okay, I-" your hand gently reached out to hold onto his jaw, carefully caressing it as you tried to get him to pick his head up.

You werent sure what exactly had happened, all you knew is that one second you were reasoning with him, the next, the side of your face was burning in pain.

Kaito had pulled back and struck you to the ground.

before you knew it there was a crowd of people surrounding the incident, Jungkook pulling Kaito away as he spit words out at you, none of which you could hear. The music had faded out of your hearing, and the lights were hazed. Your face burned with shame as you struggled to stand up, eyes watching you with concern and shock.

You felt hands immediately pick you up to your feet, turning to see it was Taehyung. You tried to explain but you didnt even comprehend what was coming out of your mouth.

he looked pale, in more pain than you were. His eyes glanced over you and back at kaito as he felt rage fill throughout him, carefully setting you aside as he approached the other boy and suddenly punched him across the face, the room gasping immediately.

"hey- fuck! stop guys!!!" Jungkook tried to seperate them, but there was no use. Taehyung had kaito by his collar, fist repeatedly punching into his face as he fell to the floor, blood on his skin and clothing.

You stood back, unable to fully understand what the fuck was happening. Once it kicked into your mind, your feet were racing over to him, yanking on the back of his shirt. "stop!!! Taehyung stop!!!!" you screamed, other guests joining in to help stop it as well. Your friends stood in the corner, shocked at what they had just witnessed.

"are you okay, miss?" some random man came up, asking you as you realized how many people had been around, asking you questions, none you even heard or noticed.

Someone finally pulled Taehyung away from kaito, who had passed out against the cold tile, nose and mouth bleeding as you watched in horror.

"What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?" you screamed at Taehyung, grabbing onto his shirt and shaking him, tears spilling as he looked down at you.

He didnt respond, he let you flip out as people tried to fix up the unconscious boy on the floor.

"you guys gotta go, fuck, the police were called" Jin ran out and spoke loudly, cueing the group of people to run out the door.

"we need to go" Taehyung spoke flatly, gently grasping your arms as he directed you out the door.

He led you to the car and put you into the back seat before getting into the drivers side. He didnt drive right away, instead he looked down at his bruised fist.

"why...why didnt you say anything to me"

You had curled up into the fetal position, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to look out the window.

"all this time....all this time he was doing this and you never-" he stopped, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.

"im sorry" you choke out.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself so he could speak, let alone drive.

"we will have to talk, about all of this"

"what if you get in trouble?" you whisper

"I didnt do anything wrong, he fucking hit you. He hit a woman, they all saw it" he spoke louder, voice shaky.

you sniffled, the pain in your face and head suddenly becoming really obvious, making you wince.

"are you okay? shit, lets uh, lets get you to a hospital or something" he started his car

"no...I just need Ice"

"what if you have a concussion?"

you groan, "I dont, taehyung, he hit my cheekbone and jaw" you trace your hand over your face, hissing at the sharp sting.

"Im still gonna take you to a walk in clinic, im not risking it. we will go home and sleep right after, I dont want to hear you argue about anything tonight. Tomorrow morning we need to sit and talk." he sternly spoke, making his way down the street.

You didnt have the energy to fight, you were mad, but you didnt have the energy.

You were upset with Taehyung for making the situation worse, but you were even more mad with Kaito. you felt betrayed, he humiliated you in front of everyone you know. He put his hands on you, after saying he would never do it again, over what? nothing.

-

"there is no signs of concussion, but there will be signifigant bruising and damaged nerves." the doctor read over her chart as you sat in a hospital bed, taehyung by your side. it was late, you missed your bed, you missed Yeontan. You didnt think you would be here, especially for this reason.

"thats..good, better than having something serious" he exhaled

"do you wish to file a report against the person who did this to you?"

Tae opened up his mouth to speak, but you cut in

"no, its already being taken care of, thank you though"

She nodded sadly and walked off, giving you too permission to go home.

you felt over your cheek, now covered with bandages.

"Im so sorry" he whispered, looking at you.

"tae.."

"no, im sorry. im so fucking sorry. I know I shouldnt have done that, but I.....I saw him hit you. I saw him hit you, y/n."

"i know" you mumbled, looking down.

"when I saw it happening, I just couldnt control myself. It was wrong of me, I take blame, but jesus y/n...."

"I know..." you repeated, voice cracking slightly. "tae please I just wanna go home, okay? I dont wanna relive it right now"

He nodded softly, standing to get to your side. "yeah, lets go home." he held your ice pack for you, leading you back to the car.

The sounds of the city surrounding you infiltrated your ears. You really couldve been anywhere in the world tonight, but here you were, in this position.

You knew you shouldnt have gone to the party, you regret it with your whole being, because not only did you suffer, but you dragged Taehyung into it too.

You had yourself to blame. you wanted to cry and scream but all you could do is lay in bed that night once you got home as taehyung gently rubbed your back, reassuring you that it would be okay.

Yeah, about that thing you said earlier, about assuming your twenties would be fantastic and amazing......11 year old you needed a reality check.

taglist:

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[d-earest]

𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖓𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖘𝖚𝖓𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖊(Rhea x dom x Reader)

A/N This isnt my gif nor did I make it, i'm sorry if the fanfic seems short Im tryinnnn

»──────────────────────────»

Rhea and Dominik were cuddled up to Y/n while they were sleeping, y/n wasn't as sleepy so they just watched them making sure neither of them fell, they couldn't sleep somehow so they started to twist and turn all over feeling a bit hot you didn't know what was wrong but they just stayed there. The more you squirmed Dominik started to wake up saying with a husky voice,"Que ocurre, Baby" he nuzzled into their chest slightly while y/n stayed quiet thinking he would fall back asleep but no he said,"I know you're awake Chiquita.. cmon.. tell me whats going on-" they sighed before whispering,"I'm nervous about my match coming up.. After this its probably summerslam and Rhea wont be able to be there due to her injury with liv and.. I-" they started to tear up which woke Rhea up slowly,"Look... I know My arm might be injured but Paul didn't say I couldn't be there to support you. I'm on hiatus Yes but please.. don't worry You'll do amazing love" y/n teared up more,"Demi.." she turned around to Y/n and seeing dominik latching onto them from behind,"How about this all of us go on a late night drive" Rhea said while crawling back to y/n and wiping their tears very slowly,"Dom you're driving- and y/n grab some snacks and a blanket-" y/n nodded and dom smiled and said,"Okay mami get ready Amor -" he smiled once again soon walking off to get the car ready, y/n on the other hand knew something was up with rhea so they got off the bed and ran to rhea and hugged her,"Whats wrong, mami?" they looked at Rhea and smiled but all Rhea could do is return the smile,"I hate seeing you cry like that- me and dom fucking hates it a shit load.. so we try and make you happy I need you not to worry about my injury. It's my karma I broke her hand so I cant do anything about it-" She chuckled soon planting a small kiss on Y/n's lips and holding her tightly,"I promise. So when this fight does occur I'll be in the audience cheering you on- I'm just worried about the judgment day without me what if things go downhill and I-" Y/n cut her off with a kiss,"Don't stress about it. Work on your skills as soon as that arm gets fixed- now lets go" Y/n grabbed rhea's hand before grabbing the blankets and the snacks and heading to the car while dominik is left there confused,"What took you guys so loooooooonnnggg" he whined like a cat but all y/n and rhea could do is snicker,"Shut up moody cat!" rhea said before dominik took a dramatic gasp like a damsel in distress which lead y/n to a giggle,"not now you two- we can do that when we are at our destination-" he huffed,"Fine" Rhea giggled and got into the passenger seat while y/n was in the back laying down, y/n hummed a familiar tune it was a song that came to mind but they didn't care

𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴𝙴𝙴𝙴 𝚂𝙺𝙸𝙿 𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙽𝙸𝙴𝚂𝚂𝚂

Y/n ended up falling asleep in the car while they drove up the hill and to their destination. Y/n was stil asleep so dom opened the backseat door and crawled ontop of them hoping a kiss would wake them up, he kissed their cheeks and mouth, soon waking them up he smiled,"Did you sleep well amor?" he kissed them again before y/n could speak they blushed and looked at dom,"Yeah.." they kissed his nose then looking at rhea in the background wanting some kisses,"Rhea needs affection too hold on baby-" they kissed dom on the cheek soon pushing him off very softly and walking over to rhea and kissed her softly, Rhea smirked and tangled her fingers around Y/n's hair and pulled them closer,"Hm.." she huffed before pulling away the kiss smirking at them, Their cheeks flushed a dark red and turned to dominik, he let out a small giggle,"Don't steal them all Rhea" Rhea snapped back,"Oh hush pretty boy you stole damn near 100 kisses" Y/n giggled and signaled dom to come here and get a kiss. Dom instantly walked over to y/n and kissed them deeply. It turned them on to see both of their lovers at each other's neck for your love but you didn't deny the kiss, after the few seconds past y/n pulled away and smiled,"There so now both of your had kisses.. now please lets watch the sunrise.." they said turning to the sun and grabbing rhea's and dom's hands to hold, both of them blushing and leaned their head against your shoulder(Dom on shoulder rhea on the other shoulder) as you three stare at the beautiful sunrise.

A/n: I Hope you enjoyed my fanfic and remember I'm always taking requests and I love you alll

[techypen]

hi 🫶 may i request a sunghoon centric sickfic !! in the recent concerts sunghoon has been coughing a lot + his throats hurts to the extent his voice changed. could you write about him in his dorms basically some of his members ( his roomates ; sunoo, ni-ki, jungwon mostly but basically all) asking him if he's ok. and jungwon being the leader taking care of him most. you can add other symptoms but main ones are basically just the flu with fever. ty 🫵 hope your account grows, its really rare to see enha sickfic writers !!

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Sunghoon - just the flu ࿐ྂ

Enhypen were coming to the end of their concert and saying their goodbyes to engenes, But as soon as Sunghoon spoke it was evident that something was up.

Sunghoon stopped talking halfway through his sentence and slightly hunched over tying to catch his breath. Niki came closer to him and rubbed his back to insert some form of comfort.

The members were aware that hoon was coming down with something considering he was sneezing the morning before the concert.

Sunghoon tried to speak again but his voice just cracked and his throat was starting to sting.

He looked up at Jungwon indicating for him to finish off what he was saying, because his throat just wasn't up for it at that moment.

The concert had come to a conclusion and all the members headed backstage, hoon walking slightly slower than the rest which caught Sunoos attention.

"How you feeling?" Sunoo questioned the sick boy proceeding to rap an arm around his shoulder.

"Uhh my body feels kinda achey" Sunghoon replied whilst putting most of his weight on Sunoo.

"Sit here for now, do you need anything?" Sunno spoke whilst guiding Sunghoon to a make up chair.

"Can you grab me some water?" The older spoke, his voice sounding nothing like it usually does.

"Yeah, I'll be back" Sunoo added whilst leaving to grab some water.

Once Sunoo came back Jungwon was sat speaking with Sunghoon.

"Do you think you got the flu?" Jungwon asked the sick boy.

"Mhm, more than likely" Sunghoon added pressing his hand to his temples.

"Heres your water hyung, everything okay?" Sunno spoke lightly, pressing a hand to the olders forehead.

"H-Head hurts" Sunghoon replied with his voice breaking.

"We're going back to the dorms in a minute, will you be Fine till then?" Jungwon added starting to get concerned for the older.

"Mhm" was all Sunghoon mumbled whilst closing his eyes and resting his head on Jungwons Shoulder.

Time skip to the dorm >>>

All the members were making their way into the dorm and Sunghoon was trailing behind again.

Heeseung turned around to make sure hoon was okay, but as he did Sunghoon started to loose his balance.

"Hey hey, what's going on?" Heeseung questioned his concern slowly growing.

"Everythings spinning" Sunghoon spoke finding it difficult to keep eye contact with Heeseung.

"You're gonna be okay, lets get you into bed" Heeseung replied whilst basically carrying the sick boy to his room.

"Hoon lay here and stay awake im gonna take your temperature, okay?"  Heeseung spoke softly, leaving to grab a thermometer.

Sunghoon just nodded as a response.

Heeseung left the room for less than 5 minutes and when he came back Sunghoon was fast asleep.

"Ah your asleep" Heeseung spoke under his breath, trying to put the thermometer under his arm without waking him.

That didn't necessarily go to plan though as soon as Heeseung lifted hoons arm slightly the younger let out a groan.

"Is he alright?" Jungwon questioned as he walked into the room.

"I think so, I'm just trying to take his temperature to see if he has a fever." Heeseung replied making eye contact with Jungwon.

The two boys sat at the side of Sunghoons bed and waited for the thermometer to beep.

"Aishh he definitely has a fever, a high one at that" Heeseung spoke leaving Jungwon concerned for his hyung.

"What's the temperature reading" Jungwon questioned.

"Uhh 100.7°"

"Ohh shit, that is quite high" Jungwon responded, pressing his hand against the sick boy's forehead.

"We should probably grab a damp cloth to try and lower his fever" Heeseung added.

"Yeah, I'll go grab a cloth and some water" Jungwon replied whilst making his way of of the room.

"Is everything okay?" Niki questioned Jungwon as he entered the kitchen.

"Yeah, Sunghoon does have a high fever tho so I'm gonna try to lower it" Jungwon answered the younger.

"Oh, let me help" the younger responded with enthusiasm.

Niki them proceeded to grab a cloth as Jungwon filled a bowl with lukewarm water.

The two boys entered the room and made their way to the side of Sunghoons bed.

Jungwon softly placed the damp cloth on to the sick boys forehead and as he did he let out a sneeze.

"Aishh hyung you really are sick aren't you?" Niki spoke with a sympathetic tone.

The three boys stayed in the room with sunghoon until they finally managed to lower his fever as much as they could .

By the time they were finished the sick boy had fallen asleep.

"We should probably leave him rest for now and check on him later" Heeseung spoke which the other two boys agreed.

The three boys proceeded to leave hoons room and join the rest of the members on the coach where they were all watching movies.

After an hour Sunghoon started to cough and sneeze quite a bit which alerted all the members.

"Ima go check on him" Sunoo spoke, and as he got up all the members were trailing behind him.

"Everything alright" Sunoo spoke as he entered the room.

"M-my chest" was all Sunghoon said in reply.

"Do you need anything?" Jake answered.

Sunghoon just shook his head and planted his face into his pillow.

"Aww come here"  Sunoo spoke whilst pulling Sunghoon into a hug which the sick boy wasn't going to decline.

At this point all the members were trying to squeeze up to his bed and cuddle him hoping to make him feel better.

They had all been in a huddle around Sunghoon for not even 10 minutes and most of them had fallen asleep including Sunghoon.

[lokilysolbitch]

hello i would like to add some personal examples bc i have chronic nightmares and sleep paralysis

things i do after nightmare:

-sit and stare. the longer i stare the more fucked up the dream was

-i still try to prepare for things that were supposed to happen in the nightmare for a few minutes before i realize realize i don't need to

-if i wake up in the dark and the nightmare was more dread based than fear based, or if it had supernatural horror themes i'll be genuinely paralyzed out of fear until the sun comes up or i can get a light on

-also i will cover as much of myself as possible in blanket. you know so The Bad doesn't get me

-sometimes i wake up and don't even remember the nightmare and then later in the day when i remember The Horrors and im like "😃,,,,,,,,,,,😨"

-sometimes im afraid to sleep again and try to stay awake, sometimes i just accept it, sometimes i try to guess what flavor of nightmare i'll have next

things i do after waking up from sleep paralysis, once i can like, move:

-sit tf up as fast as possible, sometimes i'm wide awake after and sometimes i still feel half asleep, but either way i will get my ass uP even if it feels like i am made of molasses. rip to my phone trying to tell me i'm got my passcode wrong for the 8th time bc i'm to tired to think

-after sitting up long enough i'll re-evaluate going to sleep and if i do, i set a timer for like 2 minutes bc if i get sleep paralysis within that time the alarm vibrating snaps me out of it (not the sound though). and then i keep repeating the timer and sleep in 2 minute increments. sometimes the alarm doesn't go off for some reason and then i am just screwed and may or may not be having sleep paralysis again

other random sleep things:

-when i go to sleep i consider what would be a comfortable position to be stuck in if i get sleep paralysis

-i take naps with some sort of video playing so if i get sleep paralysis at least i'm entertained. i've woken up paralyzed to asmr bf content playing before. it was really helpful actually. none of you can judge me for it bc this is tumblr

-there's a whole system/flow chart for what makes sleep paralysis and nightmares happen more or less often for me and it sounds like someone explaining the rules of the english alphabet and all of its exceptions. (i can sleep during the day but i can't Go To Sleep during the day. sometimes. except if--) basically i will probably just have a nightmare/sleep paralysis

-this is probably a nicher experience but i'm pagan so sometimes i pray during sleep paralysis. i am saying "get me out get me out loki plsssssssssssssssss can you wake me up plssss i love you so much can you wake me up" and it has worked sometimes

-half the time i shoot up into sitting up after a nightmare/sleep paralysis before i'm even aware and every time i'm like "this is just like in the movies"

-sometimes while falling asleep i realize i'm falling asleep and i feel my muscles relaxing and i'm like "SLEEP PARALSIS⁉️🫨" and i snap awake and i have to distract myself with tiktok for several minutes before i try again

-sometimes i use sleep paralysis as a way to practice controlling dreams bc my brain likes the nightmare+sleep paralysis+physical pain(????????????) combo and i would like to change that. i don't think ur supposed to feel pain in dreams but my brain is a little bitch to me apparently. and it hates me

sleep deprivation things:

- i am autistic, but sleep deprived i get VERY fucking autistic, like more than my usual. i'm more sensitive to stimuli and my already low level of masking is even lower. if you say hi and smile at me i will literally just stare at you. smiling back hasn't even crossed my mind. i won't be able to soften my blunt comments. i lose the ability to dissociate through grocery trips. a lot of my safe clothes become unsafe and i can only tolerate skirts and loose shirts bc they don't feel like they're touching me. my meltdowns are generally internalized but when sleep deprived they will probably be external and happen a lot faster

things people do after having a nightmare that isn’t crying

struggle to catch their breath

grab onto whatever’s close enough to ground themselves in reality

become nauseous / vomit

shake uncontrollably

sweat buckets

get a headache

things people do to combat having nightmares if they occur commonly

sleep near other people so they can hear the idle sounds of them completing tasks

move to a different sleeping spot than where they had the nightmare

leave tvs / radios / phones on with noise

just not sleep (if you want to go the insomnia route)

sleep during the day in bright rooms

things people with insomnia do

first, obviously, their ability to remember things and their coordination will go out the window

its likely they’ll become irritable or overly emotional

their body will start to ache, shake, and weaken

hallucinate if it’s been long enough

it becomes incredibly easy for them to get sick (and they probably will)

add your own in reblogs/comments!

[catnherthoughts]

not doing too well 3/6/23

how wonderful my life is. i get to go through all of this all on my own. i don't think i've ever felt this alone before. yes, i can talk to my friends about my issues but at the end of the day they don't care that much. they can't care enough to fix it. it's whatever, we ball i guess. he walks around and goes about his days. i bet he doesn't even think about me. wow. he just used me for sex. he could have just said that. why lie to me? why manipulate me? i don't think you're a good person anymore. i'm not sure i want to be a woman in business anymore. i'm not sure if i want to be a woman in this world anymore. i don't feel the overwhelming urge to keep living. what is the point? we have no clue tbh. no one knows. i don't feel like there is a point in me being here. then again, if i was meant to kms then one of my 8 suicide attempts would have worked. maybe 9th time is a charm. i am simply so sick of being alive. i do not want to do this any longer and i've been saying this for yearsssss now. just because i'm not ruining my life, im passively going through life day by day, i somehow got into college and am sitting in my macroeconomics course with a 3.3 gpa. i haven't done anything wonderful to continue living, i've just been passing by. i say to myself "lets just get through today and then you can sleep" or "just get through this week and then we can have fun this weekend". whatever. i always find myself becoming a bit nihlistic when i feel suicidal. "it doesn't matter" i chant. because it really doesn't. if someone who doesn't really want to live can get this far then does it really matter. i feel like shit, probably look like shit, and I just want to sleep forever. yet, i have midterms to study for. maybe if i fail my midterms i'll kill myself. oooo. yum. maybe i've jsut been letting life slip past me. i've been staying up really late and waking up mid day. weeks go by so quickly. i wonder who i even am anymore. also i'm sick! coping by kissing frat men is not the way to go. i hope they're not counting on me to be larger than live. live is already large enough to exist in. i hope they don't see me as a person who has it all. the perfect woman. take my spot. take my soul. i am disposable to those who know my all. im shaking. maybe its the coffee? who knows. im a cluster of energy walking through the world. maybe the angel prophecy of cat***** ******** created by someone who once loved me is true. she also left. this is a cruel worldd. the punishment i recieve has to be deserved. if im alive to be beaten down then im ready for the final punch. maybe i can be loved in death. my mom loves me? does that count for something. jesus that woman doesn't even know me. im shaking so much. why did i drink coffee? i wanted to be cool and have energy and be the one ppl envy w my dunkin cup. now my tummy hurts. man. i wonder what my therapist will say today. this is kind of a life or death meeting. maybe she'll give me some words of wisdom that will make me think this life is worth living. its either that or i die. i don't really like passing through life. yk being alive its not too fun. i don't like having to do schoolwork. although i kinda like this class. i should've come to this more often. being up before noon is so odd. its 10 am and im fully awake and i'm living. so many different people exist. i don't think a single one of them can love me. i look so bad today. i dont give sexy like usual, im giving depression. i wonder if when he saw me yesterday he knew i was down. i wonder what to do. how do people go on? these scars of this man might always be on me. that's sad. i feel nauseous. I wish i was a better person. maybe then i wouldn't be so sad. if i was like this girl who is sitting in front of me, with an assignment tracker.someone who goes to all of their classes. she also looks pretty. maybe wasting away my life by sleeping until 3 pm is not the best thing. i hope they're not counting on me. god i really hope they're not counting on me.i can barely do this for myself let alone live up to whatever ideals people have.

Tumblr dot com has it out for me i think. what if i wanted to have a fat blob of text? huh? anyways im currently in my class about close relationships along the lifespan and im talking to my roomie about how we've been in a mutual depressive episode. i miss being loved. i had a dream about her and it felt so nice. to kiss. to cuddle. i wonder if i had love if i'd crave it as much as i do in it's absence. the insane hyper fixation i have on it. i could fall in love with many people. its not like im not desired. is it sad that i wonder what he would do if i died. if the worst is true about this relationship, maybe he'll be like lol damn that crazy got the limited edition wap. im sorry. coping. i think i dragged my roomie into my spiral. sorry girlypop. i don't think this is being taken seriously. like yeah my friends know im suicidal but i don;t think they know how serious i am. taylor pyka i don't have a plan to kill myself don't send me away. i miss the gym. i should go to the gym today. is it too much to ask for a boyfriend? maybe. somehow i got reminded of hoodies and went to look for an old text from him. "are you trying to steal my sweaters miss :)". what happened. where did his love for me go? maybe i was just there to pass the time. there is a guy with a very interesting beanie on. he seems like a good man. who knows maybe he also manipulates women? i should not be mean to this random man. he looked back over. who is this man? whatever he doesn't exist. i don't like how im awake. vomiting vomiting vomiting. thinking about how he pushed my hand away that one time. why does he exist. how does he affect my karmic cycle. i miss texting him. he was such a cutie. now he doesn't exist. you will never find the same person twice, not even in the same person. i wonder if anyone has ever had a crush on me. i can't imagine someone thinking of me in a way like this.

those were my thoughts before i went to therapy slay for 3/6

[hugheshugs]

can u do something abt getting high w/ the boys (quinn, luke, jack, trevor, & alex, since 4/20s coming up LOL 😩) idk why but i feel like quinn would stop being sad for once & j laugh at literally everything, luke would either have the munchies or j start saying out of pocket shit to everyone, jack would def be flirty/touchy w u, trevor would obv know what he's doing & be super chill, and alex would j fall asleep 💀 idk i might be super off but what are ur thoughts ahahaha?

ooo okayokay, im not the best person to write a blurb abt this bc i've never been high so idk what its like 😭 but i'll give my thoughts :)) also wont elaborate on trevor bc i dont write for him !!

quinn i feel would definitely be giggly. its like, the one time he isnt stressed or overthinking so his mind takes full advantage of it and he loosens up. he also wants hugs cuz duh, and this is when he accepts people's affection towards him. physical touch is a must, not even romantically but just in general, with his friends and all. and he shows them how much he loves and appreciates them too, probably by doing small things like smiling at them or laughing at their stupid jokes

luke totally has munchies omg !! he eats everything he can see and quinn also feeds into it by giving him everything he wants. quinn sees a bag of chips "oh, i need to give that to luke!" and idk why i feel like he'd love sour gummy worms and chocolate pudding. he'd become the cookie monster in human form.

jack !! so !! fucking !! touchy !! (this is kinda 18+) his hands need to be on you 24/7, he's a horny little shit. he'd need you to be straddling his lap, his hands would be on your ass and he would be too high to care that his friends are watching.

alex would absolutely be sleepy. the boys would probably try to keep him up but he'd be rubbing his eyes, fighting hard to stay awake. he'd probably want cuddles too and i think quinn would give them to him.

[mintugiyuu]

oh! its okay, i'll try to word it as close as possible to the first time.

may i please have the main group with a trans male reader who is stealth and kind of scared of how they'll react coming out to them?

(gosh i hope thats close enough, my memory is not the best,,)

thank you so much!!

thank you so so much for resending this!! I’m so sorry it got deleted the first time around, it was early in the morning and I wasn’t using my noggin when I was trying to draft it ;3;

for the kamaboko squad, I left it so it could be interpreted as romantic or platonic! for nezuko I did it more platonically, I hope that was ok! thank you for requesting and I hope these are enjoyable to read! I hope you’re well <3

꒰🌤꒱ — as it’s always been.

sfw scenarios + head-canons

➥ characters || kamado tanjirou, kamado nezuko, hashibira inosuke, agatsuma zenitsu

➥ warnings || none

➥ synopsis || the reader hesitantly comes out as trans to the kamaboko squad, nervous to what they’ll think and say; here is how they would react.

➥ kamado tanjirou:

- Tanjirou has a great sense of smell, so there’s no hiding your anxiety/nervousness about coming out. He’s most certainly going to ask you what’s wrong, nothing but concerned for your state of being.

- As you’re explaining and officially coming out to him, he’s very attentive; nodding and making sure you knew he was listening.

- He knows this must be very hard and nerve-wracking for you, so he lets you finish speaking before responding himself.

- Tanjirou, being the sweetheart he is, immediately reassures you that he thinks no different of you and still loves you through and through!

- If he’s honest, he’s a bit surprised. The boy definitely wasn’t expecting this, but regardless he’s very glad that you’re happy with who you are and honored that you trust him enough with this information.

- Expect lots of words of support and small actions of comfort/affection. Tanjirou immediately pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back as he tells you how proud he is of you, and how the information you told him will stay between you two (unless/until you tell the others; he knows it’s not in his place). He’d hold both your hands to his chest as he promises you that nothing has changed between the two of you, giving you his infamous gentle smile.

- Like he promised, nothing changes between you two. Everything is as it was before, and unless you want to talk about the topic at hand, he won’t even bring it up. It just goes to show he doesn’t mind what so ever and supports you all the way!

➥ kamado nezuko

- When it comes to Nezuko as a demon, she doesn’t really have a true understanding of anything that’s going on around her; she goes with her emotions and the emotions she’s picking up around her. Of course, she can tell when there’s danger and understand basic conversations. But other than that, all she really can understand is protect, sleep, and head pats.

- So you wouldn’t outright come out to her, knowing she probably wouldn’t understand regardless. It happens by accident, kind of.

- She spends her days in a dark room of the butterfly mansion as the others are healing, either sleeping or doing her own thing. You’re probably pacing around the room, trying to plan out how to officially tell the other boys and properly come out to them.

- Nezuko notices your distress from where she was playing with a handkerchief you gave to her after one of your missions.

- “Hmmmph!”

- In other words, she’s grabbing your attention, looking lost to why you’re pacing. In a “hey! what are you doing?” kind of way.

- When you didn’t notice her attempts, she huffs, hopping off the bed and making her way to you. She’s in her small form currently, trying to regain her energy but wanting to be awake to be in your company.

- You’d feel her tug at your uniform, making several muffled questionable noises at your pacing. If you tried to brush her off, telling her “it’s nothing”, she’s calling you out on your bull and tugging you to the bed.

- Sit criss-cross and watch her crawl into your lap as a toddler would do to an older sibling (for she saw you as another big brother), grabbing your arms and making it so you were hugging her.

- This gives you no room but to explain yourself, so you did. As you come out to her and explain how you’re nervous to tell the others, she’d.. not be the most understanding.

- Understanding as in she doesn’t comprehend what you’re telling her. But she does her best to listen, feeling how important this is to you and how anxious you’re reacting.

- She cuts you off of a nervous ramble of all the bad outcomes with a head-pat to your head, closing her eyes with a small “hmhmph!” coming from under her muzzle.

- Expect a good ole Kamado hug, tiny edition. And she’s not letting you go, not even when it was time for dinner.

- She calms you, knowing in your heart that even if she’s not completely aware, she still loves you and hopefully the others will as well (they will of course).

- Before you have to go, she grips onto your sleeve and pulls the muzzle off her mouth, giving you a sharp toothed smile. Before you can tell her to put it back on, that you don’t want anyone to see her with it off, but she gets one word out with the biggest beaming smile.

- “Oniisan!” (“Big Brother!”)

- .... and pats her head. She wants head pats too. Nothing’s changed, you’re still the best head pat giver she knows.

➥ !! spoilers for chapter 204 !! bonus: after the final battle, if you were to come out to a now human Nezuko, she’d react much like Tanjirou; just a lot more bubbly with more bright smiles. Unlike Tanjirou, she’d be more.. “aggressively” supportive. Basically, she wouldn’t hesitate to throw hands at anyone who says something purposely ignorant. It’s terrifyingly sweet; no one messes with her big brother.

➥ hashibira inosuke

- Inosuke has very sensitive skin, so he’s getting goosebumps from the anxiety your giving off. It annoys and confuses him, not understanding what’s going on for you to be so nervous.

- “Oi! You’re making my skin prickly!! Stop that!!”

- It’s his way of asking what’s wrong, wanting to know how to stop it.

- Your anxiety hits an all time high as you let it out, officially coming out to him.

- ... But he doesn’t know what “trans” means, so he’s confused. He stands there, blinking under his pig mask.

- “... What? What the hell is that?” He may sound brash, but he just hates not understanding things. He wants to understand more than everyone else, after all, so don’t take it personally.

- After a long bit of explaining it clearly to him, you two are sitting on the ground, Inosuke with his hands in his lap as he stares at you.

- He’s surprisingly silent the whole way through, and not being able to see his true facial expression just makes you all the more nervous.

- If you were to nervously ask him to take his mask off, you were expecting a hard no. What you weren’t expecting was for him to hesitate for only a moment before taking it off, setting it down in to his lap.

- Inosuke’s eyebrows would be furrowed, his mouth turned down as he looked at you closely. Bracing yourself, he responded.

- “So?”

- That definitely isn’t what you would be expecting.

- Now he didn’t mean this in any negative connotation at all. He fully understands what it means now and what you told him - and to note he’s completely fine with it - he’s just confused to why it’s such a big deal. (If anything he respects you even more, finding you extremely strong.)

- Inosuke doesn’t care how you were born or what you choose to be; at the end of the day you’re his favorite sparring partner! Plus, he has to keep you around. He wants to understand the warm fuzzies he gets in his tummy when you do nice things for him.

- “Doesn’t matter what you are, I can still kick your ass!!” He says as he tackles you to the ground.

- All’s well ends well, and much like Tanjirou, it seems nothing would change between you two.

➥ agatsuma zenitsu

- The high-pitched anxiety sound emitting from you is giving Zenitsu a headache; he’ll make sure to complain about it loudly so you know.

- If you apologized for it while fidgeting, he’ll soften his whining tone and ask why you’re so nervous anyways? It’s day, so it’s not like you have demons to fear.

- You hesitate, stuttering around the topic before officially coming out, explaining that to him and why you’re so nervous.

- Zenitsu.. definitely was not expecting that. He’d go wide-eyed, clearly shocked at the information.

- “HUH??? YOU’RE WHAT???”

- If you were to flinch at his shouts, he’d pause and look to you; watching how you curled up on yourself, scared you looked for a bad reaction.

- Instead he immediately goes to reassure you.

- “IM SORRY!! I-I didn’t mean it like that!! PROMISE! I just wasn’t expecting that!! I wouldn’t ever have guessed!!- I MEAN-!!” He’s talking way to fast for you to even understand, so the more you looked lost the more Zenitsu feared he messed up the trust you must’ve had for him in order to tell him that.

- Eventually he’d break down, getting on his hands and knees while bowing his head to the floor, gripping your pant leg all while begging you to forgive him.

- You’re the one who originally needed comfort here, not him. Smh Zenitsu.

- In all seriousness, reassure him that he’s ok. He meant no harm by his reaction, he just tends to be over-dramatic with his reactions and emotions.

- Once he’s calm, he’d sniffle and be sitting next to you, shoulder to shoulder.

- Zenitsu gives it a few minutes before asking questions, making sure he’s understanding 100% and not getting anything wrong.

- The blonde-boy knows about how hard struggles in life can be; he’s struggled his whole life when it comes to finding a home and a place of belonging, being homeless for the first 3/4’s of the life he’s lived so far. He knows he can’t compare his struggles to the things you must’ve gone through, but he can clearly and easily sympathize.

- He reassures you that he thinks no different of you, if anything he admires the way you could be so brave about it.

- It’s a quiet moment between the two of you as Zenitsu continues his rambles (still scared he ruined whatever is between you two a moment ago), circling over the same couple topics; how he supports you, will support you through anything, that he sees you no differently and that nothing will change.

- Please place your hand over his mouth or he’ll keep going all day; his anxiety rambles are said to last hours.

- This has only made you two closer, the others finding you and Zenitsu sticking/hanging around each other more and more frequently. In the end, your happy you told him.

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being Tenzin's eldest daughter and dating Bolin which Tenzin isn't very pleased with. So Tenzin makes it his mission to keep you and Bolin apart which just means the two of you find sneakier ways to be together.

Part Two here

Tenzin got back to his house and for once it was quiet, confused where the small army he shared his house with was he approached his second eldest daughter Jinora. "Where's korra?" Tenzin asked. "With Asami". "And Ikki and Meelo?". "With uncle Boomi". “And your mother?”. “Out with Aunt Kya”. Tenzin smiled everyone was taken care of and he could finally relax. "And y/n and Bolin?" Tenzin asked relaxing into his chair. "They'e in y/n's room" Jinora shrugged and Tenzin jumped up "with the door closed? Y/n" he bellowed pushing the door open with air bending. "Okay okay im sorry" he heard you yell and Tenzin sighed having your boyfriend stay here was making him age faster.

You and Bolin were in your room relaxing on the bed preparing to watch a movie. For once you didn’t have to babysit your younger siblings or train so had rushed off for some privacy with Bolin and your dad almost kicked the door down. Your dad was insanely worried about leaving you and Bolin alone despite the fact you were dating and Bolin was the sweetest guy in the world. Bolin had been trying to show you the mover he was in for week but you never had a spare moment where you could be alone with him. So when your dad had gone out and left you and Bolin with no task it seemed like the perfect time. You were determined your dad wouldn’t stop another one of your dates but of course he managed to. When your door flew open you sighed and called back you’d leave it open as per your dad’s many rules about you and Bolin. You looked to Bolin worried this would ruin the date but Bolin didn’t seem to mind. The movie started and you moved closer to Bolin to lean against him and he accomodated you hugging you against him. You and Bolin were just getting into the movie, despite the noise your family was making throughout the house when your father knocked on the open door and walked in. "Y/n its getting late, i think you and Bolin should get ready to go to sleep soon so he should go do that in his room soon". You nodded at your dad in reply so engrossed in the film you didn’t realise he hadn’t left. Tenzin coughed and you both looked up to see he didn't look impressed. "Ow you mean now?" Bolin asked and Tenzin nodded "well yes i think that'd be best". You blushed as Tenzin stood waiting glaring at Bolin. Bolin jumped up obediently while you pouted annoyed. Bolin paused the film and gathered his things and smiled "we can finish the movie tomorrow". You nodded "i suppose" and Bolin went to step towards you when Tenzin actually growled. A literal noise escaped his throat at Bolin daring to step closer to you. You sighed but Bolin just smirked and left shooting you a smile. Tenzin watched him go staring into his back and then turned to your door and fixed two bells around the door handle. "Dad!" You cried "what is that?". "Nothing just a decoration...". "You're doing it so you’ll know if i leave my room! Do you not trust me?". "I trust you y/n but i do not trust teenage boys! And i have to do my duty as your father! Having your boyfriend under the same roof..i have to take precautions". "But you didn't do this for Mako and Korra!". "Yes well Korra is older than you and Mako is more responsible than Bolin". You groaned and Tenzin coughed "you weren’t going to break the rules so this shouldn’t be an issue for you". You rolled your eyes "fine whatever...can i go to sleep now?". Tenzin nodded "i am only doing it because i love you y/n, if you have children you’ll understand". You huffed and Tenzin frowned "well goodnight y/n". "Goodnight dad" you said exasperatedly as the door closed but you didn’t plan on sleeping. Your dad hadn’t put bells on your window so as soon as you heard him go to bed you got ready. You gathered what you needed and climbed out of your window before airbending onto the roof. You carefully climbed across the roof to Bolin’s room and landed outside his window. You knocked on Bolin’s window film projector in hand and saw the curtains swing aside as Bolin realised it was you. "Y/n" Bolin grinned hanging out of his window "what are you doing here?". "Well we didn't get to finish the movie because of my dad so i figured we could now without him knowing?". Bolin hesitated for two seconds before grinning "yes come on it!". It had only been lightly raining but Bolin still wrapped a blanket around you before bringing you back to your prefered spot on the bed. He bustled around getting the movie ready and the secret snacks Tenzin didnt know about before jumping down next to you.

The film finished and Bolin looked at you anxiously "so what did you think...i wasn't sure if it was too far fetched and could you tell i couldn’t do my stunts properly and i didn’t look that great in that scene with the royal guards...". "Bolin" you said grabbing his shoulders "it was great! You were great in it, your stunts were amazing, your acting was really good and you looked well..." you trailed off blushing "basically it was amazing and i really enjoyed it!". "Really?" Bolin asked and you nodded. Bolin seized you in a hug and it made you blush he valued your opinion so much. "Im so glad you like it" he smiled putting you back down "your opinion means a lot to me" he blushed and you smiled. "Yours too Bolin" you told him "you're one of the most important people to me". Bolin's blush grew and he looked down his eyes slightly glazed. Bolin smiled and took your hand "you're pretty important to me too y/n" and kissed you softly. Bolin was always so caring and affectionate he just always made you feel loved and safe. He never pressured or rushed you, he was the best man you'd ever met. You broke away blushing and smiled at him before sighing "i should probably go". Bolin frowned "are you sure i mean it's not even that late...plus it's raining really heavily outside you could get a cold or get blown off the roof! Or lost". "Lost? My rooms practically across from yours!" you smirked but Bolin shrugged "i still don’t think you should risk it". You smirked "so what i stay here until the rain stops...that could be all night". Bolin shrugged "i just think it’d be safer it probably won’t be all night" he argued but his tone told you he hoped it would be. You smirked and nodded "fine..i guess i can stay for a bit longer and see if it stops". Bolin grinned "that's a very good decision y/n i must say". "Stop it" you pushed him before blushing as he grabbed your hand. You smiled and leant into him "i might nap while im here for a bit, if that's okay?". Bolin nodded "of course" and gathered even more blankets to keep you warm. You smiled getting into the blankets and Bolin got in beside you. With a bolt of lightning the rain came down ever harder. You noticed and Bolin pretended to look away. "i didn’t do anything!" he said when he felt you looking at him. "Mh hmmm?" You asked laying beside him but you were smiling. "Promise" Bolin smiled putting an arm around you. Bolin was so broad you fitted against him easily and curled up against his side. Bolin wrapped his large arm around you and you felt do safe and warm with the rain pounding against the window. "Goodnight y/n" Bolin smiled kissing your forehead and you smiled closing your eyes. "Goodnight Bolin".

You vaguely heard voices and groaned trying to sunk further into the warmth and Bolin. You buried your head against his chest and fell back to sleep when suddenly Bolin’s door was thrown open. "Y/n" Tenzin screetched and you and Bolin jolted awake. Bolin let out a yelp as Tenzin stared his eyes bulging. "You didn’t put bells on my windows?" you offered and your father turned even more red. "I’ll be putting bars on your window young lady if you dont stay in your assigned room!" He yelled and to your dismay others flocked to the room. "Did you find her?" Asami asked before smirking "ow...i see". "She's in here?" Mako asked "but thats Bolins room" before trailing off as Korra stumbled in too. "Well you did want Y/N to help rebuild the air nation" Korra smirked before she halted as Tenzin spun on her making the avatar gulp. "Is there something funny about my little girl growing up?" Tenzin yelled at them "no? Didn’t think so! Y/n get out of there right now and march yourself to your room this instance". You distangled yourself from Bolin and all the blankets and stood up red faced. "Sir it wasnt y/ns fault..." Bolin tried but Tenzin silenced him with a look. "You are grounded young lady and if i ever find you in his room again i'll...i'll take away your bison!". "Dad...." you groaned but he shook his head "no buts now to your room". You rolled your eyes but did as he said.

Later you sat in your room avoiding your dad's wrath when you heard someone near your window and opened your suprisingly still unlocked window to see Pabu. "Pabu?" You asked as he scampered in and dropped something on your bed. You grinned to see it was a note from Bolin with a wild flower attached "so guess you're our go between huh Pabu" You asked the fire ferret as you fed him a treat as payment. Pabu made a happy noise and you smiled before turning to Bolin’s note. "Sorry i got you in trouble but it was worth it" he wrote "think your dads gonna have us under surveillance for a while but i'm sure we can work around it. I'm game if you are and next time we wont get caught. Love Bolin". You smiled hiding your note and wrote a quick reply before handing it to Pabu who ran off to give it Bolin. You picked up the flower Pabu had also brought and smirked, you had the best boyfriend ever. Father be damned you’d find a way to see him.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 12

A/N - Finally an update!! i promise to not leave it as long for the next part.

Please like/comment/reblog, it gives me incentive to write quicker if i know people are actually enjoying my madness 💕

"You okay?" Chris asked suddenly making me jump, i thought he was asleep! He was currently wrapped around me acting as the big spoon.

"Jesus christ! You scared the crap outta me!" I chuckled quietly feeling stupid that he made me jump so bad.

"Sorry dahlin" he chuckled close to my ear "but are you okay?".

"Yeah just can't sleep, I've got so much going through my head i can't switch off"

"Its not because you're in here with me is it?"

"No of course not, this is actually just what i needed. I've missed laying in your arms...." I had caved and agreed to stay in Chris's room tonight, no funny business just sleeping. I felt Chris smile before pressing a kiss to my neck.

"I've missed this too. So what exactly is it keeping you awake beautiful? Talk to me..."

"Honestly? The whole thing with Brian.... how did he find me here??".

"I have no idea, but its very creepy!.... then again we shouldn't really be surprised, he had a habit of always knowing where you were. I got bad vibes off that guy the second i saw him".

We had called the police to report Brian but they couldn't do much about it as he technically hadn't done anything wrong, they said to call them again if we saw him around anymore.

"I don't understand why he's doing this! Its not like i led him on or anything, I've never shown that man any interest. I barely even talk to the guy!"

"He's clearly unstable"

"It scares me Chris...."

"Hey, i won't let him hurt you.... i already warned him to stay away...." Chris said through gritted teeth.

"What?...."

"It doesn't matter...."

I turned in his arms so i was now facing him "yes it does, what do you mean you warned him to stay away?"

"The day Scott and I came to get you and Mason to bring you here, you remember how he kept going on about where you were going and when you were coming back....then he asked you to dinner?"

"Oh yeah, you kinda snapped"

"Yeah.....I told him nicely to stay away from my family, that you were unavailable and uninterested.... that he should move on. I said if i found out he was harassing you still id make his life hell" he looked a little sheepish as he confessed to what had been said between the two of them.

"Well I'm guessing he didn't like to be told to stay away huh?"

"Apparently not. But lets not worry about  him right now, you need to sleep"

"Ive been trying...."

"Come here" Chris said and rolled onto his back pulling me close until i was laying with my head on his chest, his hand stroking up and down my back. Back strokes were my weakness and he knew it! "You'll be asleep in no time" he mumbled pressing a kiss to the top of my head. And he was right, with the steady thumping of his heart and his fingers stroking my back i was a goner.

I woke up alone, the bed already cold meaning Chris had been gone for a while. I reached for my phone on the bedside cabinet, it was nearly 10am!! I quickly got up and headed to the bathroom to pee and check how bad i looked. Once i was done i headed downstairs to find Chris, Mason and Scott.

"Hey" Chris smiled at me as i entered the kitchen, he was sat at the dining room table in front of his laptop.

"Hey, why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked too peaceful, besides you didn't get to sleep til late"

I nodded walking over to kiss him "thank you" i smiled running my hand over his bearded jaw "you're the best".

Chris pulled me down into his lap and deepened the kiss until i had to pull back enough to catch my breath and we both laughed.

"Where's Mason?"

"Walking Dodger with Scott, i gave him breakfast and helped him get dressed before they left"

"He wasn't any trouble was he?"

"Not at all. He's like the best behaved kid I've ever met"

"He has his moments don't be fooled" i chuckled thinking back to some tantrums id witnessed over the years.

"I don't believe you, that kid is an angel"

"You just wait and see Evans" i laughed before getting up and walking into the kitchen so i could get a coffee and some toast.

"So um, I've got to do an online interview tonight with Jimmy Fallon" Chris followed me into the kitchen.

"Okay" i nodded.

"I just thought id let you know i'll have to disappear for a while"

"Thats fine, Mason will probably be in bed by then and i'll just stay in the living room watching a movie with Scott"

"Now i feel left out" he pouted.

Later that day we all went outback and played some Wiffle Ball to pass the time, Chris and Scott getting competitive again.

"Mom I'm tired" Mason said wrapping his arms around my waist and cuddling up against me.

"You wanna go take a nap before dinner buddy?"

"Yeah"

"Come on then" i picked him up and he rested his head on my shoulder "guys Mason needs a nap, i think you've worn him out"

"I think i need a nap too!" Scott laughed.

"Well I'm gonna make a start on dinner, you have time for a nap if you wanna"

Walking back up to the house i started struggling with Mason, he was getting too big for me to carry around now! My baby was growing up too fast!

"You want me to take him?" Chris suddenly asked, i nodded and come to a stop before passing a sleeping Mason over to Chris.

"Thanks, he's getting heavy" i said sadly.

"No problem"

"I hate that he's getting too big for me to carry him when he's tired"

"I know but its okay, I'm here to help now"

"Who's gonna carry me? Im exhausted!" Scott added making us laugh quietly so we didn't wake Mason.

The evening flew by, we all had dinner then sat and watched Toy Story with Mason. When it came to bedtime Mason insisted that Chris read him a story and of course he couldn't say no. Once he was asleep Chris headed to his office to get ready for his interview while Scott and I headed to the living room to find a movie to watch.

"Sooooo....." Scott said dragging it out to sound scandalous as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"What?"

"What?.... don't you what me Missy! I know you spent the night with Chris! So come on spill the tea sister!"

"You're ridiculous you know that?" I rolled my eyes at him and laughed at how comical he looked right now.

"Like i care" he shrugged "come on! Tell me what happened"

"Sorry to disappoint but nothing happened we just slept"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, we're taking things slow"

"And who's decision was that?"

"We both said we don't wanna rush it"

"But you suggested it right?..... hey I'm not judging you for that" he quickly added when he saw me look away sadly.

"You're scared you're gonna get hurt again aren't you?"

"Wouldn't you be? I just wanna make sure we're gonna be okay, that its more than just sex. We were always good at that, the emotional stuff.... not so much"

We were halfway through the movie when Chris rushed in asking Scott to join him for a game that Jimmy Fallon wanted them to do.

"Really? I can't just leave Y/N on her own....."

"Go i'll be fine" i chuckled.

"Sorry dahlin, i hate leaving you on your own.... we wont be long though 15/20 minutes tops.

"Go do what you gotta do, I'm fine here watching this" i nodded to the TV.

While they were off doing the interview

I texted my mom and Hannah to check in, they were doing good all things considered. I quickly settled back in to watch the rest of the movie but was interrupted again by multiple message alerts on my phone. I looked to see it was Hannah blowing up my phone.

When i opened the thread i gasped, my heart was racing so fast.... i felt sick as my eyes landed on one thing in particular....... the headline!

"CHRIS EVANS HAS A SECRET FAMILY!"

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina

@mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave @jakiki94 @torntaltos @my-dearest-agent @ms-betsy-fangirl

If your name is crossed out i couldnt tag you.

[namparktae]

Jung Hoseok

𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧ʲʰˢ

You spent the night waiting for Hoseok to come home from practice, he was working so hard with the others lately you had barely gotten to spend time with eachother lately. Most importantly though, Hobi was in charge of choreography and you understood that dance was his absolute passion, meaning he wouldn't be spending much time at the apartment with you while the boys were preparing for their upcoming tour.

With him being away so much, the two of you tended to struggle with your sex life slightly. You desperately you longed for his touches more than ever and him being away more often highlighted the situation even more than before. You slumped down onto the sofa being exhausted from your day at work. Switching the tv off you wandered upstairs and took off your light pink silky robe, settling yourself into the warm covers of your shared bed. You wanted nothing more than to go to bed with Hobi but you knew practice was more important than your sexual needs, yet you felt slightly selfish for your thoughts of him leaving early for you.

once you had settled yourself in the sheets, a loud ringing noise startled you as you realised it was an incoming phone call from Hobi. Quickly, you answered his call with a slightly tired tone in your voice.

"hello? hobi are you nearly home baby? its 12am you need rest soon." you cooed at him.

"Hi baby, I'm on my way, gorgeous. Ill try not to be long but there's traffic, Ill get to you as soon as I can." he assured you. You slightly felt relived at his assurance yet your eyes felt heavy due to your exhaustion.

"Okay babe, well ill try to stay awake for you then, I'm already in bed." you told him.

"Baby if you're tired go to sleep, im not sure how long ill be okay. I love you my beautiful y/n."

"I love you more Hobi, hurry home."

"I will baby, see you soon."

"bye babe." and the call ended.

Thirty minutes had passed and still no sign of Hobi, you could feel the heat between your legs grow hotter and you clenched your thighs together for friction yet it just wasn't enough for you. you allowed your hand to slip through your underwear and you spread your own legs to feel the stickiness on your fingers. All you wished for was for Hoseok to come home and devour you, yet he would probably be too tired to, so you pulled your underwear back in place and decided to sleep it off. Within seconds you fell into a deep slumber, deep enough that you couldn't hear the door of your apartment unlocking to let Hobi in.

He shuffled into the bedroom almost silently, trying his hardest not to wake you. he watched you from the doorframe attentively, observing your half naked body gently rise and fall due to your soft breathing. He never thought he would be able to fall in love with you so quick, yet when you did the smallest things in front of him, such as cooking, laughing with him, being able to spend time with him and the boys, being silly and sleeping, he felt as if he'd fell in love all over again. the soft smile spread across his face soon felt as he see your bare thighs crossed over while you slept, he knew that once you were feeling sexual you would criss cross your legs to either contain your wetness, or to gain friction.

He undressed himself, stripping his track bottoms and oversized tee and peered over you, he examined your face up close as he pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, followed by kissing your nose and then your lips. "Y/n... wake up for me beautiful." You stirred slowly as you widened your eyes at the handsome man hovering above you, gently rubbing the skin of your thighs, prying them open with his hands.

"You're home?... Hobi what are you doing?"  you asked.

"Making you feel better baby, I know you've been missing me hm?" he quickly answered back with a passionate kiss pressed to your lips as you invited his tongue into your mouth, he took your bottom lip between his teeth before he pulled away to regain his breath. your arms wrapped around his neck, allowing him to climb on top of you, only for him to flip you over to make you straddle his lap.

"Hobi the windows open. Let me shut it." You whispered out from above him, pushing yourself off of him. He grabbed your arm to steady you and seat you back down on his hips, refusing to let you get up.

"Don't you want everyone to hear how well you let me fuck you?" He questioned with dark eyes filled with lust.

Totally taken back by his words, you let out a light laugh in disbelief. "I'd rather the neighbours not hear us baby." You said softly, cupping his face and kissing the tip of his nose.

"Let them listen."

Within seconds he reconnected your lips with his own and pulled your shirt above your head leaving your bare chest exposed. The cold air travelled through the window making your skin chill, hardening your nipples and giving you goose bumps along your arms. Hobis warm hands kept your tummy warm as his hands run over your body constantly maintaining heat.

His fingers looped under your lacey lingerie ripping them from your legs.

"No no hoseok!" You whined. "You know they're my favourite pair. I've just replaced them!" Your brow furrowed as you peered down at him, a massive grin crawled across his face.

"And we can replace them again. I'm so hungry for you y/n and I want everyone to know about it."

He kept a hand on the small of your back to steady you as your bare heat rubbed against his hardened cock inside his boxer briefs. You were grinding against him causing too much pleasure to your clit, making your wetness spread onto the fabric that held his cock. A moan escaped your lips but you made sure to keep it quiet, the window was wide open and it made you very weary.

"Don't keep those quiet, y/n. I wanna hear you."

You let out a few soft moans and murmers for him but he still wasn't satisfied. He kept his hands firmly gripping into your hips, leading you to grind on his member with more force, instantly pleasuring you and causing your high to come quicker. His eyes stayed on you, watching your face as you came on his lap.

"Good girl y/n cum on me, I wanna feel you cum on my bulge baby girl."

Your hand slapped against your mouth as you tried to silence your moans, yet Hoseok grabbed it away and made you keep rocking against his cock, overstimulating you causing you to scream out a loud moan for him.

"What did I tell you? I wanna hear you. Don't keep quiet y/n, moan for me."

"Fuck Hoseok..." you moaned out loud enough this time, trying to pry his hands from your hips to stop your overstimulation. He kept rocking your hips back and forth to keep the pleasure on your clit, teaching you a small lesson.

"Listen to me next time baby and we won't have to overstimulate you. Be loud for daddy okay?"

You nodded and escaped from his grasp, your core was dripping wet, oozing down your thighs and you wanted him inside you. You bent over the mattress, pressing your tummy onto the soft linen sheets with your ass held high in the air. Hoseoks eyes widened at you being so submissive towards him, and now nothing was gonna stop him from fucking you until you screamed for him.

"Fuck me daddy, I'll be loud I promise." You whined for him as he grabbed a hold of your waist and removed his boxers before he positioned himself behind you. "Good girl baby." He whispered against your skin as he lent down to kiss in between the dimples either side of your spine. He pumped his cock a few times before entering you, his pre cum was leaking from the tip, soon mixing with your own juices. Instant pleasure rushed over you as you were filled by his hard cock. The moans erupted from your mouth as soon as he entered you, hitting your spot over and over again. Hoseok reached round and began rubbing your clit with each thrust making your sensitive pussy slightly squirt.

"You take me so well baby, I've missed this so much. Missed your pretty little pussy." He grunted in between moans. The tone of his voice was making you wetter as he slid in and out of you faster than before. He grabbed a handful of your hair and craned your neck backward to place an opened mouth kiss on your shoulder blade, you moaned out in pleasure knowing that there would be a mark soon. You loved the way he treated you during sex, if he was rough with you then he'd definitely make up for it after.

The warmth in your stomach began to sink as you unravelled with each of his thrusts getting faster as your pussy clenched around him. "Y/n baby don't do that, I'll end up cumming." He moaned out.

"Good, I want you to cum with me Hobi." You whispered as he gave into you. His strings of white release shot deep inside you as you came on his dick, dripping your juice down his thighs as he grunted your name loud and clear.

"Fuck y/n. That was so good princess." He praised you as he picked you up bridal style and held you in his arms, leaving soft pecks peppered all over your face. You blushed and kissed him back when he eventually got to your lips after kissing your entire face. "I love you, my Hobi." You murmured against his lips.

"I love you too angel. My beautiful girl."

After you two had cleaned up you looked at the time. 2:14am. You were so tired, your eyelids had gotten so heavy but Hoseok was demanding kisses until he fell asleep. He cupped your face as he held you close to his body, pressing gentle kissss against your soft lips as you closed your eyes.

"Can I kiss your lips until I fall asleep?" He spoke out in a low voice to keep his voice down.

"Of course you can baby you don't need to ask. Goodnight Hobi I love you." Were the last words you said before slipping off to sleep.

"I love you too angel. More than you'll ever know."

Unedited

28/3/21

1.8k words

Here it finally is!

This is definitely my favourite one so far🙈

Masterlist

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[newtsies]

When I Was Your Man || A Ralbert One Shot

a/n - hello! so basically this one shot is a College Newsies AU where Racetrack and Albert broke up and Race started dating Spot :'). it's about ralbert though?? so it's like- okay its from alberts POV and it's based on When I Was Your Man so yeah :D (all lyrics from the song will be in bold and italicized),, i'll only be writing the chorus once <3

also i didnt edit this cuz its late and IM TIRED SO sorry if it sucks lol

tw('s) - cussing

same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Albert didn't sleep well at night, if he even slept at all. His bed was empty. The same bed that he had slept in since the beginning of college. But it wasn't his bed, it was their bed. At least, it used to be theirs. Now, it was just his, but he couldn't accept that it was only his.

But at one point, it was theirs. Him and Racetrack, it was once their bed. Even if it was only his, Albert could swear that Race's body was still outlined in the cushion of his bed.

The bed used to be so small, too small for the two of them. They cuddled together to keep each other from falling off. But now it was huge. He had no-one to roll over to in the morning, he was alone.

He couldn't even sleep on the right side of the bed. That was Race's side. Even if Race hadn't slept on the bed for a long time, even if he would never sleep on the bed again. That was his side, not Alberts.

And often times he would lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. He would reach over to the right for his boyfriends- ex-boyfriends hand. But it wasn't there. He reached over and was met with sheets and pillows.

So he didn't sleep, because he had no-one to sleep with and his bed was too big to sleep in. And he stayed awake until the next morning when he got into his car and drove from his apartment to the school.

Not even in his car did he get peace. It wasn't his car, it was Race's car. Race had picked it out, he liked the color. And it smelled like Race's cologne and it held memories of Race in each dent of the leather seats.

So he sold the car. He got a new car, his own car. But even with the smell of Race gone, with his memories in the seats gone. The radio in the new car betrayed Albert.

our song on the radio but it don't sound the same

The car radio had one station, and Albert could swear that the station only had one playlist they played each day. Because every day, and it never missed one day, it would play their song. The song they first danced to. So Albert turned off the radio, and he never turned it on. Even when friends begged him to play music, the radio staid off and he played music from his quiet phone.

Every day, Albert showed up to school exhausted. He nearly passed out in class. Lunch was the only time he ever slept. Everyone assumed he didn't get sleep due to his hard classes, which couldn't be farther from the truth. He didn't do his work. He couldn't pay attention in class, not with Race there.

when our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down

"You really lucked out being with him, Al," Jack said.

Romeo agreed and added onto the comment, "Kelly's right. He's gorgeous. And a genius too. Too smart for his own good."

Albert raised his head from his arms with a desperately sad look. He sighed and shook his head, "I told you guys. I know we broke up a while ago, but it still hurts, okay?" He rested his head back into his arms and closed his eyes tightly. His heart ached with every comment. He knew Race was gorgeous. He knew Race was a genius. He knew so much about him, yet he didn't know him enough to keep him happy.

"Sorry, man. Forgot," Jack mumbled. Romeo muttered something of an apology and scratched at his neck.

"I know you hate school activities," Romeo started, "But you should come to the party tonight. Dance a little, I think it'll cheer you up."

Albert sighed and tried not to think about why dancing would be hard for him. He looked up and pushed his hair out of his face, "I'll come."

'cause my heart breaks a little when i hear your name

"Race!" Spot called from the couch. The music boomed and Spots voice was quiet, but Albert heard the name anyways. He immediately turned to the boy.

Spot grinned as Race made his way over to him. Race plopped into his lap and smiled back as he hugged the boy. Alberts eyes widened and his chest ached.

Even just hearing Race's name hurt Albert, brought back a wave of memories. Each yell of Race's name when he did something dumb, each fond laugh of the name when he complimented him, each whine of Racetrack's name when he bugged Albert too much. He missed it all.

it all just sounds like ooh, ooh, hoo

Jack and Romeo were definitely talking to Albert, but he couldn't hear anything they were saying. The music sounded like gibberish and he couldn't think. All he could do was stare at the couple on the couch and ache at the sight.

mm, too young, too dumb to realize, that i should have bought you flowers

Albert watched as Race giggled at the flower Spot offered him. Spot smiled and put the small yellow flower behind Race's ear. The stem stuck between his ear and his head whilst the bud pointed outwards.

The years that they dated, Albert and Race were young and naive. He didn't know how to be romantic or how to make Race happy. No matter how hard he tried.

"I should've bought him flowers," He sighed. Jack and Romeo shared a knowing glance before pushing Albert to sit down on the couch.

and held your hand

"I mean," Albert continued, "I was too insecure to do anything with him." They didn't even hold hands in public, because Albert was scared. Scared of what society would think.

should have gave you all my hours, when i had the chance

Albert and Race had started dating their first year of college. Albert was constantly busy with classes. He was always doing work and stressing about class.

Anytime Race would make an attempt to spend time with him, he shut it down.

"I'm doing work," He would say, "You should be doing work, too."

He wanted to do well, get a good job, find a good home, start a family. But all of that was dumb. It was pointless. To hell with it all if we didn't get to come back from his job to see Race. Because Race was his home and he didn't want to start a family with anyone else.

take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance

"Al!" Race would whine and grab at his arm, "Dance with me, please. Just for a little bit."

Albert never did dance with him. No matter how much he asked, he refused to do so. He couldn't, he needed to get good grades. He needed to provide.

"We can dance later," He would say.

The usual response he would get was, "Promise?" But one day, he received a different answer, "There isn't going to be a later. Not for us, Albert."

now my baby's dancing, but he's dancing with another man

Race pulled Spot up from the couch. They smiled as they moved together to the middle of the room. The music vibrated around them as the two danced.

Albert watched from the camp as he shook his leg. He took in a deep and quaking breath before stumbling out of the house. He threw his cup to the side and gulped in a large breath.

my pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways, caused a good strong man like you to walk out my life

"What do you mean their won't be a later for us, Racer?" Albert had asked, finally looking up from his studies.

Race had scoffed, "Oh, of course! That's what gets you to look me in the eye, huh?" He had rolled his eyes, "We're done, Al. I can't do this anymore, can't do us. Okay? You're so god damn selfish. You only do what's best for you. Ever think about what's best for us, huh? Do you ever even think about me?"

"Of course I think about you, Race. You're all I ever think about," Al had stuttered out.

"Sure," Race had laughed sourly, "I just wanted to fucking dance, Albert. You wouldn't even do that with me. I'm leaving." With that, Race had grabbed all of his stuff and walked out of the apartment.

now i never, never get to clean up the mess i made, oh. and that haunts me every time i close my eyes

Albert closed his eyes when he left the house. Their breakup flashed behind his eyelids and he choked out a sob. He fell to his knees on the grass.

"God damnit," He weakly hit the grass beneath him, "I could've fixed it. I could- Could've. But- Spot. I can't fix it anymore."

although it hurts, i'll be the first to say that i was wrong

He shook his head, "Race was right. I never thought about him." And his stomach twisted with that realization.

Albert has thought he was thinking about Race, about their future together. But it was never about Race, it was about him. He needed to good grades, Racer didn't. Everything that happened was his fault, and he knew that.

oh, i know i'm probably much too late, to try and apologize for my mistakes

He took a deep breath before falling back to sit down on the grass. The door opened and a boy with curly blonde hair sat down next to him.

Race gave Albert a sad smile.

"I'm not going to say sorry," Albert started, "Because that won't make up for anything. I was wrong, about everything." Race nodded.

"Al," Race said quietly.

Albert shook his head with a small grin, "Don't. Go get, Spot. Be happy. Go love the boy who you want to see when you get home from long work days, okay? Love him the way I love you." He paused, "Not the way I treated you, but the way I feel about you. I know it didn't seem like it. But I love you."

Race smiled and gave Albert a pat on the cheek, "I loved you too."

That was the sad tragedy of their relationship.

Albert was in love with Race. Race had been in love with Albert.

They loved each other at different times. But Albert could accept the pain of being in love with a boy would didn't love him back, because even though Race was in love with someone else, he was happy. And that's all Albert wanted, because Race deserved to be happy.