#and old timey southern raine

[trunswicked]

Fashion shenanigans

[theartofmining]

thinking about how i have so many weird stories abt my life that if i were to ever become a cc i could confuse people by just saying “lol once this happened” and it being the weirdest fuckin thing..god i’d be so cool

[nancypullen]

Marking Days

We’re hurtling through September and a glance at the calendar shows we’re just a dozen days from the autumnal equinox.  I’m thrilled.  THRILLED.   This has not been the best summer of my life - garden failures, trying to scratch out the beauty that I crave from this patch of weeds, COVID, blah, blah, blah.  I’m always delighted when the dog days of summer pass and we see hints of fall, but this year I’m throwing my arms wide open to a long-lost love that I didn’t appreciate enough. I want my porch covered in pumpkins and mums! I want scarlet and amber leaves! I want chilly mornings and mild afternoons!  Sweaters and soup!  Frost on the grass!  Okay, I may be asking for too much but Mother Nature and I are usually in sync and I’m pretty sure she’ll deliver on most of those requests.  Every year I ask for rain on my birthday.  Occasionally I get it.  It might happen this year.  I checked the Farmer’s Almanac and its promising some precipitation. Can I tell you how happy I am that I have to look for my region under this heading:

That’s a good crowd. Imagine how tickled (that’s a southern word, I can’t shake it)  I was to read the forecast for our winter.

Temps below normal and snowfall above normal?  Are all of my wishes coming true??  I hope I spend the coming months living inside a stinkin’ snow globe!

I may actually need a winter coat and mittens this year!  Okay, I’m going to try to rein in my enthusiasm lest the snow go the way of my pumpkins.  I don’t want to spook it.  I also don’t want to rush through autumn.  It’s my favorite season and I want to savor every single moment, every bright leaf, every fat gourd.   Sure, it was 81 degrees today, but all of that nonsense is ending.  I was born a Libra, a cardinal sign that harkens the arrival of fall, I know when my time has arrived.

The mister is off snapping photos of some old-timey car rally, so I think I’ll go count my sweaters, browse soup recipes, and get online and shop for mittens.

  Sending out love and pumpkin spice everything! Stay safe, stay well.

Nancy

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: The Sound Of Rain

Gif credit @spuhuras

Hope you all enjoy.

Happy reading dollies.

You were picking up torn pieces of clothing out of the yard for what seemed to be the millionth time today. The pack goes through alot of clothes and they were always scattered throughout the yard. Sam saw you as you're cleaning, he could smell the rain coming he knew this would be the perfect time.

"Babe, you want to go on a hike with me"? He came out of the house with your shoes in his hand.

"Yeah". You said excitingly sitting down the trashcan. Sam came over to you handing you your shoes. You slid them on and Sam took your hand in his walking together towards the woods.

This was a rare occasion. Sam never got a moment's peace with the pack around. They were like little kids that had to be watched at all times and you and Sam were the parents. It was exhausting at times but you always had Sam beside you.

"So you having a good day today"? Sam asked awkwardly as you started hiking up the trail behind the house.

"Yeah. At least I dont have laundry to fold". You giggled as you playfully nudged Sam's shoulder.

"I'll start making the boys clean up after themselves".

"Nah, it's fine. They have other worries to attend too instead of pieces of clothes". You wrapped your arm around Sam's arm getting close to his body as a gust of wind blew through you, shivering.

"You okay"?

"Yeah, I'm good. I got you to keep me warm". You kissed Sam's bicep.

The hike continued as you came to a open space, it looked as if a big werewolf rolled around to scratch it's back and made the clearing. There was big pine tree that's been there for decades.

"It's so nice out here, and quiet. We need to hike out here more often". You told Sam as you let go of his arm stepping in the middle of the clearing spinning taking everything in. The sun shines through the trees, a beam landing on you. Which made your eyes sparkle and took Sam's breath away.

"You're beautiful, Miss Y/L/N. Absolutely beautiful". Sam spoke with such a sweet and lustful voice. He made you blush under his gaze.

"Why Mr. Uley are you flirting with me"? You brought out a sultry southern accent, pretending to fan yourself from the hot sun.

"I sure am, Miss". He walked forward towards you, you kept with his pace backing up. Your back hit the big pine tree with a thump. Sam hovered over you taking a whiff of your scent as the wind blew once more.

"You smell". Sam took a moment to sniff the air again. You bit your bottom lip waiting for his answer but you already knew where this was leading.

"I smell"?

"Wet". He growled, attacking your neck with his lips. His hands roamed your body, cupping your breasts. Your hands went to his hair, tugging a hand full bringing his mouth to yours. His tongue demanding entrance, you wanted to be a tease and not let him but he thought a head of you.

Sam's hand snaked down your pants, his fingers creeping into your panties. He ran his finger through your slit making you moan. He tongue took it's rightful place in your mouth dominating your tongue.

Your hand held on to his forearm as he fingered you. His long finger pumped in and out of you, gathering and creating more juices that would later help with his big size. His thumb rubbed your clit in circles. Creating the friction that you needed to send you over the edge but Sam didn't want it to over so soon. He quickly removed his hand and sucked his fingers as you stood in front of him a panting mess.

Rolling your eyes with a huff you undid his shorts, letting them drop to his ankles. His cock sprung up like a vampire out of a coffin in the old timey movies. Licking your lips you unfastened your pants and slid them and your underwear off. Stepping out one side of them.

Sam picked you up getting between your legs. You wrapped yours around his waist. He grabbed his cock and slid the tip along your lips and eased into your entrance. Your head fell back on the tree as he stretched your walls. He was big in all the right places.

"You feel so fucking good". Sam grunted in your ear as he started to move his hips. Thrusting in and out. The woods were so quiet that you could hear how wet you were.

Sam thrusts became faster, you held on to him, your arms around his neck. His fingers dug into your hips leaving prints for days.

"Aaah". You cried out as Sam hit that special place that he knew drove you wild. Your legs started to shake, the fire in you started get out of control and the sound of thunder lit up the woods as you came.

The rain started pouring, the coolness felt good on your skin. You kissed Sam as he made love to you on the pouring rain.

"I love you". You whimpered in his ear, he smiled as you leaned back on the tree just feeling the rain on your body. The nature coming around you, not a care in the world at this moment. Just you and Sam together as one.

Sam picked you up and carried you to a grassy area near the tree. He gently laid you down, he picked up his pace. His hands took your wrist and held them above your head, he kissed along your clothed chest, pushing up your shirt and kissed your bare skin, licking up the rain that drop along.

You were so in heaven right now that you never wanted this moment to end. Because you knew that you would never have this again even if you tried to reenact it perfectly it would never be the same.

He thrusted deep and slow strokes. He wanted to wait as long as he could but seeing you whither from pleasure he couldn't keep himself together. You were on your second orgasm, body trembling, eyes rolling to the back of your head. Sam howled as he released, he clawed the ground next to you. His cock pulsed as he came, his warm seed covering your walls, sending a pleasant feeling of warmth throughout your body.

"I love you". Sam mumbled as he kissed up and down your body. He crawled up and laid beside you. You moved strands of hair that was stuck to his forehead from the rain.

"That was the most loving and special moment we've ever had and I don't ever want it to end". You took his hand in yours bring it to your lips and kissing each finger.

"I dont want this to end either. I wish it didn't have too". Sam traced your skin with his free hand.

"This is our spot, we can come here every week just to get away from the pack and the worries. Have us time, we deserve it".

"I want that too. I'm so lucky to have you". He pulled you close to him to warm you up. The rain was getting colder and the wind was blowing.

"I'm the lucky one. You're an amazing man, an incredible alpha and the greatest boyfriend anyone could ever ask for".

"Are you tired"?

"Ready for round two, already"? You giggled at the eagerness of Sam Uley.

"Well I could go for a couple more rounds but I was wondering if you wanted to go get something to eat. I'm starving".

"Me too but first we have to stop by the house".

"Why"?

"I have pine sap covering my ass. I'm probably stuck to the ground". You giggle as Sam scoops you up off the ground.

"You're not stuck but you do have some bark and leaves. I'll help you out when we get home". He sat you down so you could throw on your clothes.

"Thanks. Nothing beats picking bark and leaves off your ass after a round of sex". Sam chuckled under his breath.

"Hop on, let's go eat". Sam picked you up on his back giving you a piggyback ride down the trail.

This has to be the best day ever, either that or you're dreaming. But yet you could hear the sound of rain clearly..

[beautifulterriblequeen]

I’m really intrigued by Rayla’s moonshadow assassin peers. I especially am interested in Andromeda because I think she is the only other girl in the group? Do you have any headcanons in how these teen/young adult assassins interacted? Do you think Rayla isolated herself from them because she was always iffy about taking a life? Also TDP finally colored their map and I know you live maps, find any new cool stuff? I especially love how there’s a frozen sea north and a spinning sea south, imagine the powerful Magic’s that channeled to make them.

Okay, so I jumped straight to the map, did 80% of it, and wandered away for a few weeks. I apologize, anon. Let’s get this going again:

I’ve got a few headcanons on the Moonshadow assassins! It seems likely that they hang out mostly with each other, when they hang out, to reinforce their teambuilding and to give them some socialization, since assassins tend to keep others at arm’s length. So I kinda figure they tend to roam as a pack on their evenings out in the village, if they’re not married to a non-assassin like Runaan is.

I think that could be part of the reason that Rayla might not have hung out with the others as much, too: Runaan wanted to be either training or at home with Ethari, so Rayla probably spent a lot of time doing those things just because he did them. And when Runaan was doing more serious training or missions, that’s when Rayla had her free time to run around the forest and make adoraburr friends. 

Runaan could’ve probably insisted that she do something more assassiny with her free time. Shadow an assassin, do more studying, practice certain prescribed skills on her own. But he didn’t. He let her play. Soft assassin is soft!

Listen, anon, I have a fun headcanon for you about Andromeda--and by fun, I mean it’s really angsty half a second after you start thinking about it. Ready? 

What if: Andromeda is Runaan’s half-sister. If they’re both Lujanne’s children by different assassin dads who kept dying in battle, but a Moon mage needs an assassin leader partner to defend Xadia with, and Lujanne knew her son Runaan wasn’t old enough to lead yet, so she burned through three or more husbands protecting him until Runaan was well trained enough to lead the assassins himself and had fallen in love with a mage who adored him and would be his partner in her place.

 Andromeda looks a fair bit like Lujanne, too:

Along with Runaan, they all have long hair, side tails bound in silver cuffs, and some form of braids. Andromeda’s hair is sectioned in front similarly to Runaan’s. Her accent sounds more British than Scottish, though she only has the one line: My eyes for truth. And Lujanne and Andromeda are the only two Moonshadow elves we’ve met who have medium blue horns, while Runaan’s are dark blue. Almost everyone else’s horns have purple or pink as their base color.

But then, see, Andromeda went on Runaan’s mission, and she died. Her spirit was the most aggressive in TTM, usually closest to Rayla with her sword out, as if she hated Rayla the most. If she had a vested family interest in Runaan’s mission succeeding, and then it went pear-shaped because of Rayla, that would make sense.

No matter if she’s related to Runaan or not, she’s wearing horn cuffs, so she was in a dedicated relationship of some kind, and that’s so sad. Someone’s missing her the way Ethari’s missing Runaan. :’((((

Anyway, it’s just a headcanon, but since you asked, there ya go.

Okay, on to my thoughts on the map, of which I have a normal and healthy amount:

The Map Border: 

Everyone doodles in the borders. I love to see what they put there.

Starting in the upper left and going counter-clockwise, the five human crowns are cool

Cornucopia swirls center left look like an homage to Cabbage Man from ATLA

Bait is staring at Evenere. his home? Or maybe he just wants to eat the dragonfly on its logo

Human defender has a beard. Hairagorn. He's very heavily armored but has no helmet. Long hair is braided to rest on front of shoulder, like the blond elf in the painting at the Moon Nexus. Old timey hairstyle?

He’s defending Katolis Castle specifically. I wonder if the little white building is kinda random or if it’s supposed to represent the Banther Lodge. Nah, I have a better guess: that’s where Viren grew up

The crack in the map looks meta. It's been repaired somewhat. Makes me wonder if it's an in-world map, whose, who ripped it, and who fixed it. Sir Phineas Kurst seems like the kind of guy to almost shred his really cool map

The star behind Zym's egg has seven points

The two ships on the southern waters are western and eastern respectively. Tidebound elves from Singapore? Jack Sparrow would be proud

There is land just south of the Dragontail, wonder what’s there?

The leaves around the human figure are small and numerous while the Moonshadow elf has fewer but bigger leaves

The elf is standing in the way of one of the six leaves growing out of the rune rose and that leaf's curly tip seems to have been replaced with a curl of the elf's very long hair

The human pose is more offense and the elf pose is more defense. But the elf has two swords, and one has some wicked hooks in it.

Elf has 4 fingers instead of 3 so whether it’s in-universe or meta, they were drawn by a human :DDD

The elf's braid winds around their horn and I think that's clever

High collar shirt under protective layer, bracers and elbow gloves, bare biceps, complex shoulder getup, ornate hair that's butt long and partly braided, two long slightly curving swords... horn cuffs too. This is a Moonshadow assassin in the same gear Runaan's got, poised to defend the Xadian half of the map as the human is poised to defend his side

The rune rose isn't a compass. It has a two sided pointer and six primal runes. Just decorative I guess. ;)

More lettuces on right center.

Maybe a portaling caterpillar on the center knot? Little bug pal, I see you

“The Five Human Kingdoms” lettered in red, “Xadia” in blue. Giving me Stratego flashbacks. Even the flowers on their banners are color coded

Banners in the corners are similar but Xadia has more fluttery tips

Thunder drawn all attacky top center, does he have anything to do with the Frozen Sea being frozen?

Compass rose under Thunder’s wing

Dick island near the compass. Well, Duren is the breadbasket of the human lands. A most excellent cartography joke! 10/10 would chortle wholesomely again

The Human Kingdoms:

Neolandia

Capital Eboreus seems to be a lake city below a mountain and I'm here for all the Lake Town refs. 

It's also the eye of the elephant shape

Not a lot of trees, mostly grasses or desert. Only borders Duren across a couple rivers/estuaries/sea channels

Heart shaped island next to elephant trunk

Land generally broken into several sections by sea/rivers 

If it’s rivers, they seem to generate from the capital’s lake and flow in several directions. And they say there’s no magic left in the western lands! ;)

But if there was exactly one source of freshwater in a desert land, it makes sense that you’d find a way, magical or mechanical, to spread that lifegiving water in as many directions as possible so your people can thrive so kudos to Neolandia’s ancestors/Tidebound elves/whoever managed that, it’s brilliant

I can and will make up explanations for anything on a map. I adore worldbuilding

Del Bar

Two named locations. Since Del Bar’s national symbol is a serpent, I guess Serpentongue is the capital.

Hinterpeak is a sweet name. Looks like Helm's Deep with that retaining wall. What’s it for? Are there dwarves in this land? Is it an Earthblood stronghold? Maybe it’s like the Mines of Moria, and the Earthbloods were chased out and/or killed inside and now it’s full of nasty orcses but someone left a MacGuffin down there so *nudges hero* Off you pop.

Nice forests around the southern mountain range but northern DB is more arid or grassy lands like Neolandia. 

Considering that crops grow well in Duren, which is farther north, I assume there is a massive meteorological gyre over the human lands, with a southern wind blowing down over the western realms and keeping them icy until the mountains of Hinterpeak block and divert them, protecting Evenere. The winds don't blow eastward without warming right up-- and causing thunderstorms in Katolis how about that-- because there is a warmer side to the gyre over Katolis and Duren, blowing tropical warmth and moisture north and providing rain for trees and crops alike. Most years, anyway.

How does the weather fail in Duren for seven years in a row, anyway? That seems like a Thunder issue. Unless it’s a Sunforge issue, which I’ll get to below.

Ahem.

Borders Neolandia, Duren, and Katolis across rivers, but most border is coastline.

Serpentongue probably got its name from the two river heads around it

Cluster of dead little cracks spawns a single river. Looks like someone cracked the tub and it drained away. I wonder how much of this landscape has been affected by the Mage Wars. Big watery basins have flooded and other spots seem dead. The lands may or may not actually touch depending on how deep some of these waterways are

Evenere

Looks like someone punched holes in the land with a giant pencil to make it a separate island. Broken outline with scattered islands

That Pawprint Isles has only four toes

Moon-shaped island is very crescenty indeed

Are these isles home to refugees or outcasts from Xadia? Listen, I want pirates and that sea looks pretty Caribbean to me

No capital city, hmmm what's that about? Is it underground, does it move? Maybe Fareeda’s capital is on the back of a world turtle and she’s constantly on tour around the island?

That arm of land ending in a peace sign, please can we get surfers

The hills emanating from that claw shaped headland look like something is sleeping under the island, hello yes I am here for giant immortal creatures please

Katolis

its capital is also called Katolis, the only human realm to use the same name twice

Weeping Bay could be a ref to the tears the humans shed after they reached the west. Or the Moonshadow elves as they left their forest for the east. Or both. Both, in this case, is bad but balanced

Boomerang island next to the Dragontail

The river the Dragaang rode on was going uphill

The watery slash in the land between Katolis and Del Bar is awfully straight. So is the one between Del Bar and Neolandia. I call magical warfare.

Katolis has a bunch of mountains in the east, part of an old natural border before the lava one appeared

Mt Kalik is probably volcanic. It's a standalone mountain and it's really tall. Rex Ignius maybe? Oh, probably not, I think I see him peeking on the other side of the map

The trees of Duren and Katolis are different then the western lands. Softer green, deciduous. And the land itself is yellower, warmer in tone

Forests centered on Mt Kalik

The Moon Nexus looks like an eye on a dragon head near the Dragontail, and Evenere looks like a severed wing (Yes I am still wondering where Luna Tenebris went, why do you ask)

Weeping Bay looks like the most natural body of water in the western lands

Three red little trees scattered around the Katolis map. Fruit trees? How very Moonshadow.

Duren

The only land border among all the human kingdoms is between Duren and Katolis. Maybe it used to be further south along the river?

Capital is Berylgarten, set on a lake. Beryl is a stone that’s usually green, blue, or yellow in color, very gardeny

Second smallest realm but the breadbasket of the human lands. Has several little forests and great tilled fields

Being a farmer in Duren is probably as awesome as being an assassin in the Moonshadow Forest; you do what you do for all your friendly kingdoms

Northernmost land is cold and craggy, named Skall's Hook along the sea

Third ship in the Frozen Sea is icebound and crushed. Looks western, indicating no possible passage

Lots of colored trees and shrubs as if fruitbearing, I keep comparing Duren to the Yakima Valley in Washington State

Where the lava reaches the Frozen Sea, it melts the ice next to Duren's mountains

Northern Xadia:

Lux Aurea

Most of the center lands of this map has warm tones for its ground. Maybe that’s because of the long reach of the warmth and light of Lux Aurea’s Sun Nexus, and only the lands that are just too far from it are truly cold and icy. It would explain why Duren is a breadbasket realm so far north--it’s just across the border from Lux Aurea.

If there’s anything to that, then I suddenly worry for the fate of all the human lands now that the Sunforge has gone dark. It’s early summer now in Xadia, and crops in Duren will be ripening soon... Unless the sun’s magic was helping them grow. This coming winter could be rough. Next winter, people will die. Unless they can purify the Sunforge again.

Also, I have to wonder if Duren’s seven years of famine had anything to do with Sunforge shenanigans. They’d have happened at Khessa’s command, and we know she despises humans. If she was responsible for all the struggles that humans had to go through without enough food for seven years, and then their desperate attempt to fix the problem by invading Xadia for a Magma Titan’s heart which extended and exacerbated the war, I can see why Aaravos might feel Queen Khessa deserved to die

The city’s shaped kinda like an Egyptian pectoral necklace on this map, and that’s super pretty and not at all ominous

Also that’s a lot of gold for a whole city and I wonder how they got it all

The Shiverglades and the Shards

These areas are north of Lux Aurea and seem cold but not very icy, even though the Frozen Sea is right there. More thoughtful glances at the Sunforge over this one. Is it warming the land, or not warming the sea? Both?

Shiverglades is a play on Everglades, so this is a cold swamp, which sounds super fun I’m sure. Permafrost, tundra maybe?

The Shards seem to be rock islands with ice mountains. Glaciers are cool. 

I wonder if something broke those islands off on purpose. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy worldbuilding? Yeah, well, I like world-wrecking, too.

Storm Spire

Has a good view on everything that happens for miles, including Lux Aurea, the Midnight Desert, the Shiverglades, the Black Tundra, the Uncharted Forest, and Drakewood. 

Defensible position, no other tall mountains nearby

Also able to alert others to danger, especially since Avizandum could teleport like lightning

The Midnight Desert

It’s pretty big! And it looks like it’s littered with ruins of columns and dead palm trees. Like something else used to be in that great space and then something Very Bad happened to it. Maybe there was one great city where all the elves could mix together, and then it got utterly obliterated and the elves all fled to their respective safe places around Xadia. A city of black stone, back when Aaravos wore a crown? Now pulverized to dust and surrounded by not one, not two, but three primal nexuses? Hmmm...

All the wisps could be heat from the sand, or spooky spirit hints, or just an ominous sign of danger from the snakes below, but the overall effect is that the land is unhealthy if not cursed

The oasis is marked, and it must contain a spring since it runs a river out to join the river that passes through the Moonshadow Forest

Also the actual oasis kinda resembles a blue lizard which is adorable and probably also terrifying

Moonshadow Forest

The Silvergrove is the only village marked in the forest, so in keeping with the other lands and general map legend rules, it’s likely the capital/central village for the Moonshadow elves

The village is marked by four round-roofed homes between two tall leafy trees that shelter and hide them. It’s a hybrid balance between the blocky manmade castles of the human lands and the actual forest around them, showing a blending with nature that even the Sunfire city of Lux Aurea did not embrace, with all its golden buildings

It’s a good-sized forest, and it kinda stretches thin to the east but there it tentatively connects to the Drakewood Forest

Moonstone Path to the west just chilling in the lava like a blank alignment chart. Moonstone Path is Chaotic Hot.

Southern Xadia:

Ruins of Elarion

Elarion is a city, and it’s been lost to the humans for a thousand years

The building outlines are squared-off towers like the more modern castles in the west, suggesting that humans in Xadia built for strength and defense as soon as they could. They felt vulnerable and created protections in their architecture. The three elven cities we see also play to their strengths, but those strengths include magic. Elarion’s humans had to find a different strength, and they went with craftsmanship and ingenuity

It seems to be the only human city from before the border was drawn

“Ruins” doesn’t necessarily mean no one lives there at all, but it’s been emptied of humans and no one else has maintained it since

It had a great position on a vast lake, with sheltering hills and easy sea access

Sea of the Castout

This inland sea has five inlets and outlets. It’s hard to be sure which is which with some of them, with the way the water is drawn on this map. But I’m kinda liking the idea that all the water swirlies are places where Tidebound magic has been placed over the millennia, so the water can do whatever it needs to do depending on circumstances. That goes for the human lands, too. Katolis backward river, you’re off the hook.

With a name like "Castout,” I wonder if it was some kind of universal toilet to flush away things you didn’t want--including humans--who might wash up near Elarion and start to build there. Yeesh.

The rivers that flow into this sea pass through or near the Moonshadow Forest, the Midnight Desert, the Storm Spire, Drakewood, and the Uncharted Forest. That’s a lot of drainage.

It’s pretty far from the Tidebound Archipelago, so maybe its name is referencing Tidebound elves who have left their home colony

Was this always a sea, or did something that Xadia wanted to forget get flooded and hidden in the depths?

The land around it seems open and hospitable. It could be a good place to build/rebuild in a time of peace.

The Far Reaches

Open grassland with low hills

Two of the hills look like giant boot prints

Several colorful trees which I hope are fruit trees

Bounded by two rivers from the Sea of the Castout

Looks homey tbh, great spot to retire to get away from everything if there were a war that really shook you up

Ocean Point

There’s a Star rune here, and it could mean many things

The closest other marked location is Elarion

If this was where Aaravos lived of his own free will, I can see why he’d take a shine to the humans. They were his neighbors.

If he is imprisoned here, it’s literally the furthest point in Xadia from the other elven realms, with the Moonshadow Forest being the closest one and Umber Tor not too much further but in a totally different direction. If they were trying to isolate him physically with a portable mirror to watch over him, that’s a good spot for it

Possible location that the cube is leading Callum toward? Portal to the Star Touch home plane? Aaravos’s seaside B&B? Trap street?

Eastern Xadia:

Drakewood

Umber Tor looks to be the tallest mountain in all of Xadia, save possibly for the Storm Spire. It’s more traditionally mountainy, with a nice snowcap. Since it’s labeled, I’m guessing it’s the Earth Nexus, under which an Earth Archdragon sleeps

Also there’s a giant yellowish-brown dragon chilling next to the Tor. Yeah, he seems nice. Rex Igneous, I presume?

Or maybe not, since the neighboring forest is called Drakewood. Maybe this woods is just where a bunch of Earth dragons hang out? Ezran and Pyrrah flew off and returned with a crew of Sun dragons from somewhere, so dragons must have communities too

The mountains that edge the sea are shaped roughly like a stone dragon in flight

Drakewood seems to be the forest closest to Umber Tor, with both deciduous and evergreen trees, though there’s a huge swath of wooded land here, to the north and to the southwest. I wonder what the locals consider the border where the Drakewood becomes the Uncharted Forest and why. The way the evergreens are drawn almost looks like a border, a sort of kingswood set aside for a specific use. Rex Igneous’s best toothpicks?

Uncharted Forest

Okay this is a properly magical name, very mysterious. But uncharted by whom? People with charts? This might be a Sir Phineas Kurst name, which is outsidery, and it makes me wonder if the locals/neighbors have their own name for it, which the human explorer never learned, a la “Thunder” for Avizandum

Maybe “Uncharted Forest” just means no one ever turned those trees into charts though, old growth ftw

If no one lives here, will someone move here? If someone lives here, who are they? Earthblood elves? Moonshadow elves? Humans? This mystery, it calls to me

the trees are mostly deciduous and fill basically all of this whole section of land, up against the mountains and the rivers, so it seems very fertile land indeed

Earthblood elves could live here, but there is no city marked. Maybe because we haven’t gotten that far in the show, or maybe that’s the wrong sort of descriptor for how the Earthbloods live and organize. Maybe the whole forest is their city, like Pando, the interconnected quaking aspen clone forest

The northernmost part of this forest lies right between the Storm Spire and the Tidebound Archipelago, so it might get a regular flyover route for migration or messages

Yes, this forest is the most interesting place in Xadia to me, I desperately want to learn more about it

Black Tundra

Yeah this place isn’t ominous

Similar to the Shiverglades, but where that has shrubbery, the Black Tundra has single dead trees and creepy curving spikes. Scorched? Poisoned? De-magicked?

The water north of this area isn’t frozen, and with a lake to the south and a river and a moderate mountain range, the whole area looks like it would otherwise be decently habitable, but instead it’s cold and black

Is climate change a thing here, or will we get a nice horrible disaster instead?

Tidebound Archipelago

These islands have dotted lines around them, like they’re submerged at high tide, or maybe made of shifting sand that literally moves around like sand dunes across a desert, or perhaps they’re exactly at sea level with half their civilization in the air and half underwater or in cool bubbles, or maybe the islands actually float

Maybe the Tidebound elves even sank them on purpose for defensive purposes

The archipelago is about even latitudinally with the Storm Spire Lux Aurea, Berylgarten, and Eboreus so they probably get pretty nice weather

There’s no ice in sight here in any direction along Xadia’s east coast, so presumably the prevailing current is a warm one

do they have bridges connecting the islands? Ferries, animals who give them a lift across?

the islands have quite a bit of space on them. I wonder if there’s a big population, maybe a shifting population? Do Tidebound elves migrate up and down the coast like gray whales and return to the islands for certain holidays or social events?

This is probably the hub of the Tidebound elves’ culture, but the sea surrounds the whole land and infiltrates it with many rivers and lakes. The Spinning Sea and the Frozen Sea are pretty firm Do Not Enter signposts, but a determined Tidebound could get around either one if they wanted to

What I’m not seeing here is a city. Either it’s not been marked yet, or that’s not a thing that Tidebound elves have in their culture. If they don’t have a city, they’re possibly migratory in family groups, or maybe they stick to small villages like the Moonshadows do, but with even less central leadership

[sundropscribbles]

Never Liked A Rom-Com | Eleven x Reader | 4.1K

A little request for @cassie-the-human! Just some timey-wimey stuff, really. I really hope you love it! 🖤

It wasn’t terribly common in your endeavors with The Doctor that you wound up with a deciding vote of any kind. Not in situations of great importance, or in any situations at all, really. It hardly ever happened, in fact, and you couldn’t honestly say that you had a problem with that. You weren’t particularly accustomed to having that sort of authority, and more often than not, you didn’t want it. It was a tremendous amount of pressure to put upon any human’s shoulders, the fate of any one planet or person or species, and you were always more than happy to hand the responsibility over to The Doctor when it came to these types of things.

He was always happy to oblige, too, as he was much more the grin-and-bear-it type than you could ever have been. That, and saving various planets and people and species from destruction was sort of what he did for a living.

This, though…

This particular thing, you couldn’t hand off to anyone else. Not really.

The Doctor had always warned you against going back on your own timeline, from the very first day you had begun traveling with him. It was a personal rule of his, one of the few: Don’t run off, don’t go into the third room on the left side of the TARDIS’s fifth hallway, and never, ever go back on your own personal timeline.

In your defense, you had honestly believed that this particular event wouldn’t have counted as your timeline; it was roughly four and half years before you would even come to exist in the world, after all. And also in your defense, The Doctor’s aim had been a bit off.

You had meant to land in the year 1993, three years prior to the year of your birth and the year that your parents had met. Both your mum and dad had always told you such wonderful stories about their early days together, about the way that they had met and the quirky dates they had gone on, and all you had wanted was to see some of it.

“C’mon,” you had pleaded with The Doctor, who had up until this point kept a very stern face on about the entire situation. “It’ll be like a real-life romantic comedy! No life-threatening cyber-bots or danger. Just… my mum and dad. Falling in love.”

“First off, they’re called cyber-men, and secondly,“ he‘d counted, gesturing with his hands the way he tended to do when he wanted to make a point. He had suddenly stopped his pacing about the console room a moment later, and turned to face you instead. “It’s dangerous, Y/N, one of the most dangerous things that a time traveller can do. I know you think you know what to expect, but I can tell you from experience, these things never go to plan.”

You had made a face and grumbled, both at the fact that you had nearly run face first into him, and in response to his dismissive words.

“S’not really a plan to begin with, though,” you had murmured, and dropped your gaze to his new bow tie, busying yourself studying the deep purple color of it as you went on. You weren’t going to pout — you weren’t a child. But you were disappointed, and you weren’t afraid to let it show. “I don’t understand what the big deal would be, me being there — past me wouldn’t be around yet, and I already know not to meddle in my parents timelines and that, yeah? No paradoxes.”

A couple of moments of thick silence had passed (well, silence apart from The Doctor’s thoughtful grumbling), but eventually he had heaved a thick sigh. He’d reached out and tipped your chin back upwards with one finger so that he could look you in the eye.

“No meddling,” he’d said simply, his gaze pointed, still, but significantly softer than before. You had blinked and nodded your head without thinking, even though you hadn’t been sure if you’d been meant to respond or not. “No meddling. We keep our distance and watch. No more, no less,” he went on. “Like... like a rom-com.”

He had said the words begrudgingly, with a crease in his brow that said he still didn’t like the idea, but you had lit up like Christmas. You’d agreed to his terms — to what you had already promised — and he had sighed softly once more, smiling a fond little smile and bopping you on the nose before whirling back toward the console and flipping a switch or three or four.

You had stood there, grinning like a fool and feeling so very grateful to have this wonderful man as your best mate — your partner. Partner in crime?

Well. No matter who or what The Doctor was to you, you loved him with your whole heart.

“Alright, then. Where and when to?” he’d asked and looked at you like he knew exactly what you were thinking — like he felt just the same, whether it had been vocalized or not.

You had pressed the matter, at the time, because you truly hadn’t understood what the big deal would be. You did now, though,— you definitely did now — and it made you wish that you had just trusted The Doctor’s word.

On account of the mix-up with the date, you had wound up barging straight in on your own timeline, whether you had meant to or not.

It had gone something like this:

The Doctor had busied himself with the TARDIS, turning knobs and hitting buttons so as to get you to the correct time and location. You had gone to the wardrobe and changed into some clothing that was more 90’s appropriate (as well as you could with the TARDIS jumping and lurching about as she did, anyways), and when you had returned, The Doctor had informed you with his usual wide, goofy smile that you had arrived.

You had been in a bit too big of a hurry, so caught up in your excitement that you had caught The Doctor by the arm and hurried toward the TARDIS doors in one quick flurry of movement. He had given into your good mood and laughed happily along with you as you stepped out into the open air, just outside of the pub where your mum and dad had first met. You had been here plenty of times before, of course, but never like this. You couldn’t have been more excited.

In retrospect, you should probably have realized that something was off straight away; it had been warm and sunny out, and if you had stopped and given it a moment’s thought, you’d have realized that the time of day and the weather alone were all wrong. By the letter of both of your parents’ stories, they had met on a very gloomy, very rainy night — the rain and gloom had been the start to it all. Your mum had been without a parka that particular night, your dad had offered her his and a walk home to go along with it, and, well. As they say, the rest was history.

Everything had felt wrong, the moment that you had set foot inside of the pub. There was an air about the place, something… uneasy, that you hadn’t been able to put your finger on until you had taken a few steps inside. The place wasn’t much different than it was in your present day, 2019; it had the same unusually small bar, the same deep red walls — even the fairy lights, which had always looked more like an afterthought than anything else, were there, strung up along the counter.

It wasn’t terribly crowded (another thing wrong), and it was because of the lack of people at the bar that you immediately noticed what it was that was making the atmosphere feel so heavy.

It was your mum.

You’d have known her anywhere. Even twenty-something years younger, she looked just like the woman you had grown up with — the woman who had raised you, who had tucked you into bed at night and told you so many wonderful stories about her youth.

Her hair was the same soft (H/C) color it had always been, if a bit less gray, and you even recognized her blouse; she still owned the old thing, even though the most use it had seen in a decade or more had been one of the nights you had gone through her closet trying things on, in search of something to where out after you had failed to find anything suitable in your own wardrobe.

There was just one thing off: She was crying. Openly.

You had seen your mum cry once, maybe twice in your lifetime, and it had sunken a deep pit into your stomach each time, without fail. It wasn’t a common thing, nor was it a thing you liked to see, and this was no exception.

You hadn’t stopped to consider a consequence of any kind when you had left The Doctor’s side and gone strolling up to the bar — up to your mum. You had heard him hiss your name, panicked, but you hadn’t responded save for throwing a quick glance over your shoulder, looking back at him long enough to mouth the words “something’s wrong”.

“Hi, mu— um. I mean, hello,” you had said, only just catching your slip-up. No meddling be damned. “Pardon me for asking, but... are you alright?”

She looked up from the half-empty glass in front of her with wide, wet eyes. You’d have sworn that you saw a glimmer of recognition in her gaze, just for a moment, but you chalked it up to wishful thinking, in the end. She sniffed just a second or two later, smiling half-heartedly.

“Pretty obvious, innit?” she said, swiping an already-dried tear track from one cheek. She stirred the half-melted ice into her drink — vodka tonic, it looked like — and glanced at you out of the corner of one eye, like she was sizing you up.

“Well,” you had begun, not exactly sure where to go from there — comforting other people had never been a strong suit of yours, not really, so you decided to take the obvious route. “D’you wanna tell me about it? I might just be a bit more help than a watered down tonic and a bartender.”

She had given you an odd look, then; the smile slipped from her face, just for a split second, and she raised an eyebrow, looking contemplative. In the next moment, though, she was grinning again — a hollow facade — and taking a swig of her drink as she leaned back in her chair.

“Fella done me wrong,” she drawled in a faux southern-American accent, and something about that particular line hit you. Something... familiar.

You had heard it before, definitely, and you paused for a moment to consider it. Fella done me wrong.

A second later, it hit you like a train.

“‘Fella done me wrong,’ I said. I was quite a drama queen then, mind you. And this woman, she just looked at me like it was the strangest thing she’d ever heard in her life.”

It was your mum. Your mum was where you had heard that line before.

Your blood ran cold.

You had heard this story a thousand times before, because your mum had told it to you. A strange woman in an empty bar on a hot afternoon. A vodka tonic and a faux southern accent. You knew exactly where you were, and it wasn’t summer of 1993.

This was the summer of 1992, a full year before your mum had met your dad, and just a day or so after your mum’s boyfriend, the man she’d been with before your dad, had very thoroughly broken her heart.

Your first instinct, in your mildly panicked state, was to look for The Doctor. He’d know what to do, surely — he had warned you about this, and god, you just — you needed him to tell you what to do.

“I’m, uh — I’m going to get a drink of my own,” you spluttered, your smile hurried. “And then you can tell me all about this, uh. This fella.”

You couldn’t remember, here and now, if this was how the story had gone, if this was what the woman — no, what you had said to your mum — but you couldn’t think too much of it right now, when you couldn’t be sure how much of your own future you were altering.

You waited for your mum’s nod of agreement before turning and going in search of The Doctor. The smile that you had put on in the face of this terrifying situation fell like a stone, and you tried not to let your fear show as you found him, sitting at a table in the corner. It must have shown through anyhow, though, because his thoughtful expression went a bit sour the moment you approached.

“Never did like a rom-com,” he muttered. “Far too much rom, not nearly enough com. Never feels right.”

“Don’t say I told you so,” you murmured, avoiding his gaze. He softened a bit at that, and drug a hand through his brown hair as he looked you over, presumably looking for tells in your appearance as to what was happening.

“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll do my best,” he promised with a hint of a smile, and leaned forward onto the table. “What’s happened?”

You took a shaky breath in as you thought through the best way to explain the situation. “I was wrong, this is definitely a part of my timeline“ might help you escape the I told you so’s. “I have to talk my mum out of leaving town” would probably require a little bit more backstory than you really cared to share right now. In the end, you settled for the closest thing to a happy medium that you could think of.

“I think I might cease to exist in a few minutes,” you said.

It wasn’t the most graceful approach to the situation, you’d admit. It did effectively get The Doctor’s attention, though.

“Sorry, what?” he blanched, eyes wide and startled. He clearly hadn’t expected those particular words to come out of your mouth, and it showed in the way that he immediately stood from his seat and gave you his full attention. In spite of the serious nature of what was going on, you laughed. It was empty, and a bit hysterical, but it was better than crying.

“Right, so,” you started, and met The Doctor’s eyes as you spoke. “Long story short, I think I need to talk my mum out of leaving town. Or, well — I know I need to talk my mum out of leaving town.”

He blinked, cocking his head to one side in that way that made him look more like a curious puppy than an ancient, thousand-year-old Time Lord. You took that as your cue to go on.

“My mum’s boyfriend, the bloke she was with before she met my dad — he cheated on her. And she told me this story all through my childhood, yeah? A story about a woman she met in a bar, who talked her out of leaving town afterwards. She used to talk all the time about how grateful she was for that woman, because if she had left town, she would never have met me dad,” you clarified, trying not to be too long-winded with your explanation. It was a brief chunk of your family history, but definitely an important one. It didn’t seem that you needed to share more, anyhow; the moment you got the last bit out, The Doctor made a soft, disgruntled noise and smacked one hand to his forehead.

“Blimey,” he muttered, letting his hand drag downward across his face and settle at his chin. “Timelines. Always a doozy, aren’t they?”

His clipped response didn’t do much to reassure you, and you dropped your gaze to your feet once more.

“So on a scale of one to ten, how much trouble am I in?” you asked, somewhat rhetorically. The halfhearted sarcasm in your voice came across more like defeat than anything else, and you cringed at that. You really had been wrong, this time around.

“Well, theoretically, you’re only at a one or a two — right now, that is,” The Doctor said matter-of-factly. “But if you don’t get a shift on soon, it’ll probably be a three or a four. Maybe even a five.”

“Brilliant,” you muttered, dragging one hand through your hair. You smiled humorlessly at your own expense and took a step back from The Doctor, letting your gaze slide from the floor to the ceiling as you attempted to stomach it all. “I don’t suppose there’s a chance that the woman my mum met in this bar, on this night, isn’t actually me, is there?”

The Doctor made a thoughtful sound and watched you carefully as he spoke his next words. “Are you willing to take that chance?” he asked.

You could tell that it was a baited question — as so many of The Doctor’s questions were — but even so, you couldn’t help but stop to think about it for a moment. You spent a good few moments really, genuinely considering your options — one of which was walking away. Feasibly, you had the option of walking out of the bar, getting back into the TARDIS and getting as far away from this time and this place as you could. It wasn’t impossible; if there was anything you had learned over the past few months, it was that nothing was really impossible.

In the end, though, you decided against it, and not just because of the mildly worried look that The Doctor was giving you. You couldn’t bet on your own fate like that, and when it came down to it, you didn’t like the idea of changing your mum’s fate, either. Even if things played out the way they were meant to, and she did decide not to leave your hometown, these were stories that you had grown up hearing. You had heard them a thousand times, from both of your parents, and there was a reason for that. They were treasured memories. Those stories had been the reason that you had wanted to do any of this in the first place.

Your own fate aside, you couldn’t risk losing those memories — those stories.

“Definitely not,” you said, finally, and smiled a more genuine smile at The Doctor. He beamed at you, then, absolutely exuding the giddy optimism that you loved so much.

“Good. Never doubted you for a moment, Y/N,” he said, and you snorted. You couldn’t help but think, sometimes, that he believed in you enough to compensate for every doubt you had ever had in yourself. It was a good thought. “Right, then! Let’s get this sorted, shall we? First thing’s first, how much of your mum’s stories about this night do you actually remember?”

“I know the story front to back,” you assured him. That much you didn’t need to think about. “She said something to me at the bar that I recognized from the story — that’s how I knew.”

The Doctor clapped his hands, clearly pleased by your answer. “Oh, good! Good news! That’s definitely good news, that means it won’t be terribly difficult for you to reenact,” he says with a nod toward your mum, who was still sitting patiently at the bar. You wondered privately if it really counted as “reenacting” the story, here and now, if it technically hadn’t happened yet.

You nodded your head regardless. If this was going to play out properly, you had to put your doubts aside, no matter how inconsequential they seemed.

“Alright. I’ve got this, I do,” you said, and honestly, you weren’t sure if it was The Doctor you were attempting to reassure or yourself. “Timelines. No problem. Is there anything I should, I don’t know… look out for? Or be aware of?”

He was quiet for tick, appearing to think your question over before giving his answer. “Yes. Well, no, but yes. Sort of. The only thing you really need to be careful about is sticking to what you know. Keep your words, your actions, everything as close to the stories your mum has told you as you can. You said you recognized something that she said from her stories, yes?” You nod. “That’s where it gets tricky. This encounter is a part of your timeline, and the fact that you know specific details, like that bit that your mum said to you — that makes those details fixed, which means you can’t stray from them. They can’t be altered.”

You blinked, just a touch taken aback.

“So,” you began, but paused briefly as you thought for a moment about what he had just told you. “It’s like there’s a script, then? Is that it?”

He nodded his head . “If it helps to think of it that way, then yes,” he confirmed, and smiled. It was an unusually gentle smile, and there was an apologetic glint in his green eyes.

It didn’t much help to think of it that way; not in the grand scheme of things. His explanation definitely raised more questions than was really ideal, and you couldn’t help but reel, just a bit.

What if the way you remembered your mum’s stories wasn’t the way that things had actually gone? What if she had told the story slightly differently than it had happened? It wasn’t like that was uncommon. And if that was the case, were the details that you remembered really fixed points in time at all? How were you supposed to know if what you were doing was right or wrong? You didn’t know what being zapped out of existence felt like, but you couldn’t imagine it would be a pleasant experience.

You had just begun clawing your way free from the vicious spiral of thoughts when a hand reached out for yours, and effectively brought you back to the present with a gentle squeeze.

“Oi,” The Doctor said, leaning in a bit closer to you and catching your gaze. “You can do this, Y/N. Don’t overthink it. The worst thing you could do is overthink it.”

You broke eye contact with him momentarily to look toward your hands, clasped tight. It was a rare show of affection, definitely — you didn’t hold his hand often. Not really. Your relationship with The Doctor was odd, as relationships went, and there wasn’t an abundance of physical affection at any given time. You had always felt that it made you just a little too vulnerable, and The Doctor either shared your feelings, or understood the way you felt and kept a fair distance. All that aside, though, you couldn’t deny that in the midst of situations like this — situations where everything was just so overwhelmingly complex — strengthening your bond with him through something as simple as holding hands was an enormous comfort.

“Just… stick to what I know,” you said, more to yourself than to him.

“Stick to what you know,” he echoed. You responded by tightening your grip on his hand, just briefly, and smiled when he brushed his thumb across your knuckles as if to say “you’ve got nothing to worry about, you’re brilliant.”

“I can do this,” you said, your smile widening as you met his eyes once more.

“Well, go on, then!” he laughed, releasing your hand in favor of waving you back toward the bar. “Break a leg! Knock ‘em dead!”

You laughed happily along with him as you turned and made your way back toward the bar. It looked like your mum’s younger self was just getting ready to pack it in and head out for the night, which meant that you would need to act quickly — if you wanted to avoid the possibility that she was going home to pack her bags, that was.

You took a deep breath in, and steeled yourself as you slid back onto the scene and coughed to get your mum’s attention.

You weren’t going anywhere anytime soon — not if you could help it.

<—————>

“And I swear to you, Y/N, I still think about some of the things that woman said to me, to this day. It was almost like she knew what kind of future I was capable of having here, at home. I don’t think I’ll ever forget her.”

[fcrvidus-a]

@atlasinvictus said: any HCs about keith's parents ?? UWU

✿ || Insu out here bein’ a real MVP bless ♡ Since you asked so kindly, here’s some cute and adorable headcanons about Keith’s Mom and Dad, as well as some whilst they were together:

★ Keith’s dad’s name is Logan Hayes, the dreamy fire fighter with a slight southern drawl and a heart of gold. The Blades may tell Keith time and again that he is so very much like his mother Krolia (fast, talented, quick thinking, a bit hot-headed), but Krolia constantly tells him how much he reminds her of his father, instead.

Keith likes to say he’s a little bit of both, as it should be.

★ Logan played the guitar and sang songs to Krolia, this song in particular being a favorite, and Krolia was genuinely confused and startled for the longest time. Galra aren’t musical people, and that’s not to say they don’t/can’t sing, but that when they do? It’s war songs (think of sea shanties, except meant to rally warriors about to go into battle and basically die for their people). She expressed genuine concern over the fact that Logan was singing to her, asking him ‘when was the war?’ and it took a long amount of explanation, as well as a ton of played CD’s and tape cassettes later for her to really grasp the concept of singing... just to sing, to serenade, to be happy and express that happiness to others.

And eventually, Krolia one day joined him in those songs, and together, they made rather impressive duets.

★ When Keith was a kid growing up with his dad, Logan would play country tunes almost all the goddamn time. Raised on classic rock legends and the bluest of grassiest of old-timey country hits, Logan shared in all of these with Keith and would blast every song loud and proud during long drives to and from the nearest town to their humble shared home.

One day, when Keith had been bullied over being the smallest kid in class, Logan had affectionately told  him ‘Awh, Keith... Don’t y’know? It’s alright to be little bitty’-- a statement that referred to this song of which he played for him afterwards every time Keith felt down. It was a sure way to rile a smile out of him, and the two of them sang it together happily.

★ Logan was terrible cook. So was Krolia, at least, traditionally. The Galran could cook things over an open spit, having hunted game and wildlife in the vast deserts that surrounded their home and cooked them over a bonfire she built outside. They shared in campfire meals more often than not, though when food was scarce, Logan would pick up something quick from town (fast food, take out, etc) and bring it home for them to eat.

The first time Krolia ate pizza, a single pie hadn’t been enough; The first time she ate burgers and fries, Logan had to go back and get more (or he wouldn’t have had anything to eat for himself). Moral of the story? Krolia has a big appetite and really loves earth’s greasy fast food, something Keith reflects in himself as well.

★ During their two years spent together, after Krolia learned of Logan’s passing, the two shared in quiet memories of the man together, bonding over his ghost and everything wonderful they could recall of him. Keith cried for the first time in years that day, and later that night when Krolia held him close to her chest (something she thought she would had never had the chance to do ever again since she had left him behind as a babe), she sang him the familiar tune of Leanne Rhymes as Logan had done to her those years ago. 

★ Logan would take Keith out to eat at his favorite burger joint and then have ice cream in town as a form of apology for his absences, something the boy always claimed to understand, ‘Because daddy’s a hero! Heroes have to work lots, right?’ The guilt still ate at the man every day, knowing just how much it had bothered Keith in knowing that he didn’t have a mother around (’your mom had to go and do something very important’, he had told him. ‘Is mom a hero too?’ Keith had asked. ‘Yes, son. Yes she is.’). It didn’t help that the kids in school would poke and prod at Keith’s personal life, children being unapologetic in their constant and personal questions-- ‘Why don’t ya have a Mama?’ ‘Did she leave you??’ ‘Your Mom probsly didn’t wanna stay wit’ya!’ ‘Yer Ma’s a bad Ma.’

“Does it upset you?” Logan had asked him in context one day, to which Keith, mouth full and smothered in black cherry ice cream, had given him a wide-toothed grin and said, “Uh-uh. I have the best dad, so it’s okay.”

Logan bought him another ice cream.

★ During stormy weather, where the rain would pelt against their roof and thunder cracks would rattle their windows, Keith would curl himself against Logan’s chest, seated snuggly upon his lap in the smallest ball he could manage while the man played guitar and sang to him. The experience made the original intention of such activity-- Keith’s original fear of thunderstorms-- turn and morph into something the boy looked forward to. When the familiar rumblings of thunder sounded in the distance, Keith would light up with excitement and sprint into Logan’s room, tugging the man into the small living room where they would settle down and indulge in tunes and the steady rhythm of heavy rain. 

[aoibaratraveler]

UK Road Trip Week 1

Hello! My name is Danielle and I’m finally using my page to talk about traveling, it’s certainly been a long time coming that’s for sure! I’ve said it in my bio but I am a horrible procrastinator and even though I love traveling and I try to make a habit of going to as many places as I can every year, but I hardly ever document it other than in the form of instagram or facebook really which I am ashamed to say...even though I have three journals that my friends have bought for me specifically for this purpose. Well no more! I’m going to slowly try and make a habit of documenting my travels in the form of tumblr or in my journals and eventually start a youtube channel since I am so inspired by youtubers like Sharmander or Sharla in Japan, Tokidoki Traveler or Abroad in Japan and even lovelyzkelly and I want to be able to share my story and my travels like them!

Eventually I’ll also post about about my past trips and how they have shaped me as a person because I have tons to say on the matter but for now let’s start with the present!

It has officially been a little over a week since I started traveling around the UK with my boyfriend. i’m so happy to finally being able to do this, ever since I moved to Cambridgeshire last September I have been itching to travel again and now I can see all that this country has to offer! We started the trip on July 19th and I decided that I would log each day in my small notebook since I don’t always have access to wifi and then just relay it all here so without further ado! ...By the way follow me on instagram at Danielle.bay to see all the photos from each destination of our trip! (I also have twitter @daniellebay24)

Day 1:

Today started off full with jitters and excitement because we had only just moved into our new place and were now headed off onto a road trip/camping adventure--which would be my very first time doing both and I did not know what to expect. After two hours on the road and eating a delicious chicken mayo sandwich prepared by the bf we arrived at our first campsite. Hilariously our camping neighbours who were in a camper van had set up a washing machine and were hooked up to the communal water area and it was just rather ridiculous and excessive; they were full on glamping. We had a fun albeit confused time setting up our tent then decided to grab dinner at the pub that was on the campsite. My first time sleeping in the tent was rather rough especially with the heavy rain all night, but it was still a fun experience and besides I’m no stranger to sleeping uncomfortably after my experience with couch-surfing.

Day 2:

Woke up surprisingly early on Day 2 without an alarm or anything at about 6:30, i was pleasantly surprised. I hope that camping will fix my internal clock so that I can go back to being an early bird. We quickly packed up after having a coffee and experiencing weather mood swings and then hit the road for the Isle of Sheppey. During the drive I was finally able to finish six more chapters of Harry Potter (don’t judge me, I’m reading the series for the first time and loving it) and we also experienced a very cool, local thunder shower. Once we arrived at the campsite, the bf took the liberty of setting up the tent. It was lovely and warm so he insisted on having a bbq, I objected at first because it was getting late in the day but we ultimately did it only to have it not turn out so great in that it took over an hour for our meat to properly cook and by that time it was dark and cold and the bf was looking a bit sheepish.

Day 3:

Slept slept in a bit to about to 8:45 because I had a very uncomfortable sleep on the hard foam sleeping mat. Eventually we had breakfast which consisted of just strawberries for me, the bf really wanted to make eggs but I told him it was no use unless he had oil to fry with and salt/pepper, he did it anyway and then saw the error in his ways. Later, we decided to go buy some supplies (stuff to fry with) and then charge up. An unfortunate amount of our days have been taken up by going to shops and charging our electronics; each time we’ve spent about three hours...so we’re going to try and remedy that by buying a car gizmo thing that allows us both to charge our phones in the car. After charging up we finally explored the island a bit and went to the edge which was super cool. We saw a horse that looked like a cow, a donkey, two very happy dogs, a snail hanging out on a leaf, and a B&B called “Hogwarts”--all in all a pretty chill day. Oh and we got Chinese takeaway, yum.

Day 4:

My sinuses were really bad when I woke up, I think because of the older couple that decided to pitch up right next to us and smoke until late last night and early in the morning. I woke up at 5:30 because it was just a very uncomfortable sleep and I honestly can’t wait to get a sleeping mat. Anyway I didn’t actually get up until 6:30 and so did the bf. We slowly packed up everything and had our  coffees and then were off by 9. Today’s drive was wonderfully scenic and we hugged the coast the whole day. I just regret not transferring my photos on my phone’s storage or deleting some things earlier so that I could have taken more photos and shot more videos...luckily the bf took some for me on his phone. Southern England’s coast is beautiful and I don’t know why it isn’t advertised more. It felt like we were in a different country or somewhere in Italy, Spain or even Southern France. Many coastal cities are much like Santa Monica but cleaner in that each of them have a lovely view of a ferris wheel on the pier and everything seems more chill. From the beautiful coast of Herne Bay to the stunning white cliffs of Dover and all the way through the South Downs AONB to Portsmouth it was a fantastic drive. Unfortunately once we arrived in Portsmouth our Airbnb was less than ideal. The couple in the room next to us were loud through the night and the walls are just too thin. The place is filthy, the shower is covered in mold and it just isn’t the best place to get refreshed and have a good sleep after camping.

Day 5:

Woke up to the obnoxious couple playing rap music at 6:30 and with the guy literally exclaiming that he doesn’t car if he wakes up the rest of the house because he is too “hyped”. We ended up having a chill morning since we had to wait for the bf's radio mp3 transmitter to arrive from Amazon, it’s great because it doubles as a charging station for our phones. We left at around 1:30 and began a lovely stroll in the warm sunshine exploring Portsmouth and it’s coast while also catching Pokemon. We unfortunately had a disappointing lunch that seemed deceivingly good from the menu which was also more expensive than it should have been but after getting the bf’s obligatory Starbucks of the day and reading for a bit we had a delicious beefy poutine and Mr. Whippy and then continued our stroll all the way along the coast and then back to the Airbnb.

Day 6:

Slept in a tad today, suppose I’ve gotten too used to the bed but then again we did walk a lot the day before so we were both really tired. We were out of the place by 11 and then set off to Exbury but not before making a stop at Aldi for a cheap and healthy lunch. The gardens of Exbury ended up being too expensive for what it was worth so we explored the Bealieu village before heading to Hurst Castle near Milford beach. It was so beautiful there on the beach and the walk to the castle was nice albeit tiring, about a 45 min trip each way on a sandspit that was very rocky. After arriving back at the place, we settled in with some iZombie and Dr. Who before bed.

Day 7:

Yay seventh day! I can’t believe that I have actually written everyday, proud of myself. We left the Airbnb earlier today and headed backwards towards the South Downs AONB (Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty) to a beautiful valley called “Devil’s Dyke”--well, not exactly there, we parked about 3 miles away next to a water tower and then ate our deliciously cheap lunch from Aldi. We set off walking among gorgeous rolling hills and fields. I had always wanted to do this but because it was so humid and because we had foolishly neglected to bring our water, the hour long walk to Devil’s Dyke was harder than I anticipated. We got there in the end after stopping a few times for photos and to catch my breath and only really by cheering myself on internally. The valley was beautiful and vast but because it is considered a tourist attraction, there were more people than I would have liked. We got some water at the pub there, relaxed for a bit and absorbed the views before heading back. The journey back was much easier and faster partly because it was downhill and partly because it was cooler now. Unfortunately it was still equally as painful for my feet. It’s a shame I hadn’t realized sooner but my new sandals have a thing sticking out that irritates the arch of my feet and gives me blisters; still working on how I’ll remedy this. Once back at the car, we set off to Arundel to see the pretty castle and pretty it was, very Hogwartsesque. The town of Arundel was very cute and old timey and I felt it was a nice end to our day. The bf on the other hand regretted not just spending the day in Arundel instead since by the time we got there (18:30) everything was closed. We played Pokemon go for a bit and then headed back to the Airbnb. Once back, we opened our books and read for a couple of hours and then at about 23:30 got ready for bed but that’s when new guests started checking until late into the night, I don’t think they stopped until about 03:00 and were so loud, would turn on all the lights, leave them on, and then head to their rooms. One guest in particular would go in and out of his room constantly leaving all the lights on and talking loudly on the phone in the room next to us. It was really hard to fall asleep, especially because I had hunger pangs but I got there in the end. As for the bf, he’s such a light sleeper that he sadly barely got any sleep...

Alright! That’s all for my captain’s log of week 1! Next week I’ll be back with week 2! See you then!

[punchyfeeley]

Monday and Friday tag game :)

Tagged by @saintgarbanzo ! It isnt monday or friday but here's the thing...time isn't real...

relationship status I'm pretty sure I'm aro bc any time someone wants to date me I feel physically ill but living vicariously through fictional characters' romantic lives and also a mostly hypothetical slut these days as i'm chronically ill and am not risking covid thanks

favorite food my formula? (I have a feeding tube) it lets me not die which is pretty rad. I drink like 6 cups of tea a day tho if I can pick a drink instead- Irish Breakfast with a bit of cream and sugar or iced tea.

favorite color green :)

song stuck in your head Moments Silence (Common Tongue) by Hozier v underrated. I'm a sucker for songs about religion and sex. I'm learning it on guitar so I've been listening to it over and over

last thing you googled "Rabbi Yohanan time period"

time time is made up and I don't wanna think about it

dream trip a cabin in the woods just like alone with my dog and some good reading. Fortunately, this is an achievable goal.

last book you read does a play count? "Titus Andronicus" if yes. The Queer God by Marcella Althaus-Reid if no.

last book you enjoyed Both The Queer God and Indecent Theology by Marcella Althaus-Reid. I'm a slut for Queer Theology.

last book you hated reading I'm not really a Titus Andronicus fan, but if we're talking hate then The Invisible Weevil by Mary Karooro Okurut. It's about the HIV Crisis in Uganda but it's just disgustingly and horrifically classist and victim-blaming and I wrote a 7 page paper about why it sucks

favorite thing to cook/bake biscuits! Sometimes I think I'm not that southern but then I remember I used to work at a biscuit place making biscuits and sausage gravy and shit all day. Also, I call mosquitos "skeeters" and called summer "iced tea season" the other day. so.

favorite craft to do I don't really craft? But I will fix anything. Give me a little hands-on helpful task and I'm happy as a clam. I would rather be invited over to hang a shelf than to watch a movie.

most niche dislikes the sensation of earbuds or headphones (they make the insides of my ears sweaty): when people call all nonpenetrative sex (especially PiV) foreplay.

opinion on circuses A bunch of my friends are circus people! I used to do acro. good group cuddle piles. 12/10.

Do you have a sense of direction and if not what’s the worst way you’ve gotten lost? no! My mom and I once got lost in rural Georgia and there was this very muscular attractive man wood chopping wood outside in the rain??? who gave us directions and I was sure we were going to be murdered.

last song you listened to Symphony For Strings by Dvorak. I don't have a story I just love it.

last show you watched The Musketeers. It's really bad but everyone is hot. Sexy sword fighting. I really love terrible shows that know they're terrible. You also have to try not to think about how they're all just old-timey cops.

currently watching nothing. I can't focus on watching things anymore for whatever reason. I can read for 18 hours a day but cannot focus on watching something for longer than 5 minutes.

currently reading The fall semester is starting so I'm currently reading Global Migration: Patterns, Processes, and Politics for my Migration and Displacement Class. I'm trying to only take one depressing class per semester now and this was my pick. It's genuinely very interesting but also owchie my heart

current obsessions Queer Talmud. Jewish Bondage. Homoerotic Chavruta relationships.

Tagging @aliziafinola @bendingsignpost @northeasternwind @cosmicmechanism @feltelures @punktuation

[theradioghost]

me: notices that it is both absolutely pouring rain AND incredibly sunny outside

a tiny old-timey southern gremlin living in the back of my brain: THE DEVIL IS BEATING HIS WIFE

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1175

Monday, August 14, 2017

 Had fun fishing this morning. Between that and reading life is good. I'm enjoying life while I can because you never know.

 Generations: Phoenix & Jean Grey #1 - Cullen Bunn (writer) R. B. Silva (pencils) Adriano Di Benedetto with R. B. Silva (inks) Rain Beredo (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Pulled this off the racks to read because of my crush on the old Jean Grey. I think Marvel is doing these one shots to mollify the whiny old timer fans who have been lamenting the loss of the old timey characters that they grew up with. I'm not reading the new Jean Grey comic book about the adventures of the younger Jean from the past trapped in the present so this struggle she has with the possibility that the Phoenix Force will get her is news to me. R. B. Silva and Adriano Di Benedetto prolonged my crush on Jean that started with John Byrne and Terry Austin.

 Mister Miracle #1 - Tom King (writer) Mitch Gerads (art) Clayton Cowles (letters). This 12-issue series brings Scott Free back to the racks. I love that alias. Unfortunately, this isn't the escape artist I fell in love with in the late seventies whose comic books were done by Steve Englehart and Marshall Rogers. This guy has got some mental health issues which won't be helped by having to go to war with Darkseid. This is pretty heavy stuff and cheaper than therapy so maybe give it a try.

 Redlands #1 - Jordie Bellaire (writer & colours) Vanesa R. Del Rey (art) Clayton Cowles (letters). Welcome to Redlands, Florida circa 1977. I hope you get out alive. This here's a horror comic book about a coven of witches in a small town. It's raw and rural and infused with southern stereotypes. If you like the new Sabrina, you'll like this too.

 Inhumans: Once & Future Kings #1 - Christopher Priest (writer) Phil Noto (art) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). This story harkens back to when Black Bolt, Maximus and Medusa were just kids. I grabbed it mainly for the Phil Noto art. The Lockjaw backup story by Ryan North (writer) Gustavo Duarte (art) VC's Joe Sabino (letters) was cute.

 Detective Comics #962 - James Tynion IV (writer) Alvaro Martinez (pencils) Raul Fernandez (inks) Brad Anderson (colours) Sal Cipriano (letters). A very satisfying conclusion to "Intelligence". I loved the surprise that Batman gets and the villain reveal at the end.

 The Shadow #1 - Si Spurrier & Dan Watters (writers) Daniel HDR (art) Natalia Marques (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). Anytime a new comic book starring this old pulp character hits the racks I will give it a try and this one is very well written. The double 45s toting crime fighter is barely recognisable here which makes the story even more of a mystery. I was very impressed with this first issue and will put it on my "must read" list.

 Ms. Marvel #21 - G. Willow Wilson (writer) Marco Failla (art) Ian Herring (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Kamala tries diplomacy with one of the bad guys but we all know how that usually goes.

 Action Comics #985 - Rob Williams (writer) Guillem March (art) Hi-Fi (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). I missed reading #984 which was the conclusion of the Superman Revenge Squad story where Superman was blind. Looks like he survived those bad guys okay and got his sight back. This issue starts a new story called "Only Human" and has Lex Luthor, that arrogant arch nemesis, back in the picture. I was very disappointed with the art here. It looks like Guillem March was trying to draw like John Romita Jr. He did a much better job with Gotham City Sirens. I think I will bench this book but will keep reading Superman and Super Sons.

 Groo: Play of the Gods #2 - Mark Evanier & Sergio Aragones (writers) Sergio Aragones (art) John Ercek & Tom Luth (colours) Stan Sakai (letters). I don't get why religious fanatics need to convert others to their beliefs. This story makes me lament all the harm that's been done in the name of some make believe diety. Groo might be a comic book for simpletons like me but I find that it's goes beyond just stupid jokes sometimes.

 Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #11 - Kieron Gillen (writer) Kev Walker (pencils) Marc Deering (inks) Antonio Fabela (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). The killer robots take center stage this issue and then the truly villainous arrives. The art this issue was very nice for some reason.

 Amazing Spider-Man #31 - Dan Slott (writer) Stuart Immonen (pencils) Wade von Grawbadger (inks) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). And it's "curses, foiled again" for Doc Ock. Dan Slott presses the rewind button and does it in a way that makes sense. Peter's back in his old analog costume but there's nothing stopping him from going high tech again. Another classic villain is waiting in the wings and I can't wait to see what nefarious plot this one has.

 Hulk #9 - Mariko Tamaki (writer) Julian Lopez & Francesco Gaston (art) Matt Milla (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Now that Jennifer has accepted her role as the Hulk this book has that good old super hero feel to it again. I like that.

 Defenders #4 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) David Marquez (art) Justin Ponsor (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). So that Bane/Batman back breaking move that Diamondback pulled last issue sure was a shocker. It served to get Jessica riled up enough to beat the crap out of the bad guy. I can't wait for the next issue to see what the special guest at the end of this issue does to Diamondback.

[entergamingxp]

A Brit’s guide to Forza Horizon 4 • Eurogamer.net

When considering ideal locations for open world racers, I’m not sure Britain would top many lists. Need for Speed typically opted for fictional, neon-soaked cities, while the likes of Test Drive Unlimited and Forza Horizon threw players towards epic, sun-drenched road trips in Oahu and Colorado. By the time the Forza Horizon series had powered through Southern France and Australia though, British studio Playground Games thought it might be best to do things a little differently. When fans were treated to a first glimpse at Horizon 4’s “Historic Britain”, I was inclined to agree. It’s not often anywhere north of the Watford Gap is represented in video games, yet here we are, on modern tech, barrelling around Bamburgh Castle with reckless abandon. A new Forza set in a far-flung location will likely be on the horizon very soon, but before we move on, let’s celebrate the stunning locations presented in Horizon 4.

In 2017, The English Lake District was granted status as a Unesco World Heritage site. Its beautiful mountainous landscape is deemed to be of “Outstanding Universal Value”, and the team at Playground did quite a job at showing that off. Derwent Water, a vast lake situated in the north west of the Lake District is depicted in-game and is a must visit, especially during Horizon’s winter season. The frozen expanse becomes a playground for drifting, drag racing and general off-roading, and those mountains to the north aren’t a bad view either. However, it’s certainly worth a visit in the spring season too, if only to catch a glimpse of The Lakes in a more natural light. When I spoke with Conar Cross, associate lead concept artist at Playground Games, he had a little more to say about The Lakes in spring.

“Seasonally it would have to be spring. In fact, any location in spring is pretty idyllic in my opinion, the dramatic stormy weather coupled with the uplifting palette from the blossoming foliage is so inviting. I particularly love the area around Derwent Water, with the brilliant mountain vista and the bluebells from the surrounding forest generously spreading out onto the sides of the roads.”

The beautiful surroundings of Derwent Water in Forza Horizon 4.

Head a little farther south and you’ll come across the peaceful village of Ambleside. Another gem of the lakes, this popular holiday destination provides some twisty-turny road racing circuits in Forza Horizon 4. The sunflower meadows player house is a useful early-game base for all your Lake District travels, or to simply fulfil a dream of owning an idyllic, countryside cottage. What’s particularly inviting about this location is how true to English village life it is. The narrow, village streets become home to some tight driving manoeuvres, and the various pubs, homes and hotels are thematically spot on. In fact, after playing Horizon 4 I had to visit Ambleside, so I took a little trip last summer. There, I visited a popular lakeside pub on a rather blustery August day – the very same pub that can be found in-game at the boat docks, just south of Ambleside.

The Forza Horizon 4 version of the lovely pub I visited at Ambleside Pier.

The Ambleside boat docks at the tip of Lake Windermere in August.

Moving east from the lakes, the Astmoor region provides a completely different gameplay experience. Still authentically British, this open area of heather-filled hills is where off-road enthusiasts will want to drive. Never a few moments away from a ‘what’s over the ridge?” moment, this Yorkshire Moors-looking playing field is dirt racing heaven. Astmoor is also a great place to pull up, stick the handbrake on and admire Horizon 4’s dynamic weather system. This sprawling, open landscape shows huge skyboxes that illustrate Britain’s historically dodgy weather in an honest light, and the season alters the look of the land drastically.

“It [the season system] forced us to consider precisely which assets/foliage we were including in our concepts and if/how they would be influenced by seasons,” Cross said. “Everything was very deliberate. If it didn’t look great in one season or wasn’t particularly fantastic in any, we didn’t include it.” The Yorkshire Moors were a popular holiday destination for my family growing up, and the reminiscent Astmoor region was a proper nostalgia trip on a personal note. Its rolling hills of purple heather reminded me so much of those drives into the seaside town of Whitby when I was younger, so much so that I made it another location to visit last year.

A quiet downhill view in the Yorkshire Moors, looking very Astmoor-like.

Now, we can’t mention Forza Horizon 4 without talking about its choice of main city. London has been a video game mainstay for years, but Edinburgh not so much. Thematically it fits much better alongside the countryside locations within Horizon 4, yet it still provides those street racing thrills a driving game city should. The in-game version is incredibly authentic, showcasing some of Edinburgh’s most iconic landmarks. From the Scott Monument and the iconic Edinburgh Castle to famous outskirts locations such as the Arthur’s Seat mountain peak, Edinburgh serves as Forza Horizon 4’s epicentre. In a neat touch, you can straight up buy Edinburgh Castle as a player house, although it’ll cost you an eye-watering 15m credits.

The historic Scott Monument in the winter season of Forza Horizon 4.

A short drive west from Edinburgh takes us to Glen Rannoch and the Scottish Highlands. A cross country event lover’s heaven, this dramatic landscape is home to some of Forza Horizon 4’s most memorable racing. The Behemoth Showcase has you speeding down towards the lakes in a huge hovercraft, only beaten in ridiculousness by The Halo Experience Showcase event. Elsewhere, the Scottish Highlands provide some incredible views over the world of Horizon 4, right down to the tiny village of Ambleside we visited earlier. This area of the map is probably the most exotic of any present in the base game, so I asked Cross if the team ever thought that could be a problem.

“I think a lot of us Brits like to consider it to be grey skies and rain all the time. It was eye-opening to stop and examine what is around us, rather than take it for granted. I certainly discovered areas of Britain that really took my breath away and I think the game does a fantastic job of showcasing just how beautiful Britain really is.”

In fact, the only location in Forza Horizon 4 that goes beyond Glen Rannoch is the first add-on; Fortune Island. This fictional land might be just that, but it’s still based in British reality. Although never confirmed, the levels of dramatic rock formations and general verticality look similar to The Isle of Skye, a large island in northwest Scotland. Fortune Island brings sweeping mountain passes, perilous dirt trails and the bonkers Trailblazer challenges (as the crow flies time trials) to Forza Horizon 4. There’s something old-timey about Fortune Island, and just cruising around its small but varied landscape is a thrill. Playground’s link to Britain is evident not only on the base map, but here in the most rugged of Scottish islands, too.

A sunken village on Forza Horizon 4’s Fortune Island.

“We all had this innate ability to look at our work and agree ‘yep that feels like Britain’ or alternatively, tell if something was off,” Cross explains. “Knowing the areas we were referencing first-hand allowed us to add those little details and nuances of reality that often go unnoticed. It really helped ground the designs.”

Forza Horizon 4 is an incredible realisation of an open-world driving game set in Britain. From quaint little villages to sprawling skyboxes filled with breathtaking views, it really is a giant road trip showing what these Isles have to offer. So much so that even as a resident, I was inspired to visit areas I’d never seen in real life, re-tread old paths from my childhood and take the time to appreciate my surroundings. We’re on the eve of the next generation in gaming, and Forza Horizon 4 is quite possibly my favourite game of the current one. Not only for how it plays, but for the incredible British locations it allows us to explore.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/03/a-brits-guide-to-forza-horizon-4-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-brits-guide-to-forza-horizon-4-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

[samanthasroberts]

5 Accidental X-Rated Subliminal Messages That Are Everywhere

If you’re anything like us, you can’t help but see penises in everything: in clouds, in buildings, even in men’s underwear. People can’t seem to help but create phallic symbols, almost as if dicks secretly run the entire world. And dick imagery can pop up in the most awkward places. Pay enough attention to anything, no matter how mundane, and, as if by magic, a wang will appear out of the ether.

Here are some of those special miracles.

5

Halftime Shows Are Full Of Dicks

Halftime shows are as much an American sporting tradition as Gatorade or lasting brain damage, and apart from the occasional wardrobe malfunction, they’re usually wholesome affairs — pop stars lip-sync to their biggest hits, and cheerleaders twirl around while trying to ignore some of the drunkest pick-up lines ever shouted in a public place. But sometimes all the raging testosterone from the game bursts over to the halftime entertainment, resulting in secret dicks.

When Prince was asked to play the halftime slot of the 2007 Super Bowl, it remains unknown what kind of family fun the organizers expected from the human personification of sex froth. Viewers tuning in for a little taste of “Purple Rain” or “1999” were instead treated to a David Copperfield-esque magic silhouette curtain, specially lit to show the diminutive music legend jerking his guitar dick.

That’s the risk you take when hiring a man with more thrusting masculinity in his lithe elvish body than the whole defensive line. But a phallic faux pas can even happen with the nerdiest of all sporting entertainers: the marching band. To be sure, nothing is more erotic than a bunch of people dressed up like nutcrackers hammering out the Batman theme, but marching bands are generally tightly regimented paragons of discipline. Yet even they can break formation and fall face-first into a pile of accidental wangs. Like these rhythmic dweebs who wanted to celebrate their Kansas State team by recreating their beloved Jayhawk mascot next to the iconic Starship Enterprise …

Kansas State Marching Band

… but ended up forming a fiercely erect cock angling towards a bird’s open beak:

Deadspin Boldly going where no man should go.

Even highbrow institutions like Harvard can’t control themselves. While battling it out with the University Of Pennsylvania, the marching band claimed they wanted to honor their opponent by forming “Penn ’15.” All they did, however, was highlight the inherent floppiness of a human font:

SB Nation Still not the worst incident involving a penis at a Pennsylvania college.

4

Weather And Traffic Reporters Draw Peens All The Time

If there’s one place that should be a respite for all the wang-typhoons swirling around in the world, it’s the news. The journalists on TV bring us serious, often tragic stories, and do so with great composure, grace, and the highest degree of professionalism.

Except for the weather presenters, who occasionally just scrawl floppy dongs all over every available surface.

It’s not their fault, really. It’s their job to track the weather, and sometimes the weather can take some pretty turgid shapes. When that happens, a tornado report can take quickly turn into a dire message warning people of a far more terrifying event.

Similarly, a New Jersey website tried to warn residents of a potential flood risk by unleashing a massive unsheathed poonhammer on the entire Eastern seaboard:

And those worried about illegal immigration from neighboring Mexico have reason to be alarmed, as Zeus’ massive dick and balls are in the process of breaching the southern border crossing:

Apparently you can’t even tune in for traffic updates without correspondents finger-tracing blocks-long hard-ons that will most definitely jam up your commute.

The moral of the story is: Don’t give presenters interactive screens and expect them not to accidentally dip a giant boner in your kid’s breakfast cereal.

3

Advertisers Deal Heavily In Accidental Dicks

There’s a long history of people slipping subliminal sexual innuendos into commercials, hence the age-old mantra “sex sells.” Unless, of course, the subliminal sexuality was totally accidental, in which case it does the exact opposite of sell.

With so many heavy hitters and specialty craft brewers in the beer industry, it can be awful hard to set yourself apart from the pack. One brewer in Costa Rica thought that having a giant grilled sausage plastered on a billboard on the side of the road would get people thinking about delicious barbecues featuring their refreshing beer:

Unless they were driving on the other side of the road, which makes it look like a giant cock is peering from behind the billboard like a Scooby-Doo detective.

Restaurant advertising is a phallic landmine as well. Ever noticed how a chef’s hat kind of looks like an elongated bropedo? We didn’t either, until the heroes behind this Virginia bistro’s logo showed us the light:

Market Place swears it had no idea when it chose the logo, thinking it was just a mustachioed chef greeting customers from the window. Instead, customers can only see a winged dick dive-bombing the soup d’jour.

Meanwhile, a Brazilian university, meaning to unveil a logo consisting of an ornate tiered tower with a gorgeous red sun rising in the sky behind it to commemorate an Oriental Studies institute on their campus, wound up accidentally shoving those good intentions directly up its own ass:

Obviously, because no institute of higher learning wants to be known for telling its Oriental Studies department to go boof itself, they quickly withdrew the logo. But the internet is forever.

2

Women’s Hair Products Look Like Sex Toys

Hair is not generally considered to be an erogenous zone, which is why the Kama Sutra doesn’t have an entry called the “Mounting Ponytail.” Yet it seems that the maniacs who come up with hair styling tools have finally given up on finding new ways to design their feminine products without throwing a few dicks into the mix.

“Hot Buns” is ostensibly a helpful hair styling tool for women, but it is so clearly a giant knobby dildo that not even its product demonstrators can deny it.

Similarly, the Pearl Curling Wand looks like what old timey psychiatrists used to get rid of hysteria. Now, we understand that there’s only one shape a curling iron can take — that of a thick, powerful penis — and we’re even willing to forgive the many sexual images that a “pearl wand” conjures up. But if this thing didn’t heat up to scorching temperatures, we don’t think this would see much upstairs hair action. Hell, it’s basically a multitool.

1

Buildings All Over The World Are Secretly Giant Dicks

Thanks to Google Earth, the world has gotten used to looking at their buildings from above, like a winged cartographer. Which is bad news for some architects and construction engineers, who thought the biggest threat to people finding out they’ve erected skyscrapers that look like skyscraping erections was Groupons for helicopter lessons.

That’s London’s soon-to-be largest apartment block: Spire London. From the bottom, it looks like a giant eyesore, but from the top, it looks like it’ll actually poke your eye out. The Spire London promises to be the highest residential building in Western Europe, so Londoners can soon enjoy watching pilots desperately pulling up in order to avoid crashing into the tip.

The Supreme Court of India also suffers from an acute case of phallisitis. The court, with its bushy garden and squat features, perfectly captures the shriveled old dicks gathering in this building to uphold their archaic rules.

Meanwhile, residents of an otherwise-lovely middle-class neighborhood in northern England have begun to fear for the value of their homes since it was revealed that their cul-de-sac is a bit heavy in the sac department:

And while residents might be miffed that they’re now living on the wrong side of Shaftesbury Lane, at least their town’s entire tourism isn’t based on the revelation that their little canal paradise kind of looks like an anatomically correct penis with a healthy urethra:

Yet it’s quite easy to notice that a rectangle with a few round edges looks a bit like a penis. So how about a building complex that looks like a naked man squatting, ass agape, with a flaccid dick drooping pendulously down between his bulging red balls? A sprawling health center in Ontario, Canada offers just that:

But sometimes, there’s no need for human ineptitude; nature provides. For the low sum of $122,000, you can buy land on a 42-acre island near Fiji with some pretty stunning scenery …

… which you can view from both the head and the scrote of this shy little nub of an island:

Justin occasionally writes funny stuff that’s not about dicks here. Tweet at him if you need a used Dodge Durango.

For more genitals than you could’ve possibly hoped for, check out 5 Inspiring Religions That Worship Penises and Boobs on Things That Don’t Normally Have Boobs.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The 7 Most Baffling Pieces of Art (Made With Genitals), and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-accidental-x-rated-subliminal-messages-that-are-everywhere/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/12/13/5-accidental-x-rated-subliminal-messages-that-are-everywhere/

[adambstingus]

5 Accidental X-Rated Subliminal Messages That Are Everywhere

If you’re anything like us, you can’t help but see penises in everything: in clouds, in buildings, even in men’s underwear. People can’t seem to help but create phallic symbols, almost as if dicks secretly run the entire world. And dick imagery can pop up in the most awkward places. Pay enough attention to anything, no matter how mundane, and, as if by magic, a wang will appear out of the ether.

Here are some of those special miracles.

5

Halftime Shows Are Full Of Dicks

Halftime shows are as much an American sporting tradition as Gatorade or lasting brain damage, and apart from the occasional wardrobe malfunction, they’re usually wholesome affairs — pop stars lip-sync to their biggest hits, and cheerleaders twirl around while trying to ignore some of the drunkest pick-up lines ever shouted in a public place. But sometimes all the raging testosterone from the game bursts over to the halftime entertainment, resulting in secret dicks.

When Prince was asked to play the halftime slot of the 2007 Super Bowl, it remains unknown what kind of family fun the organizers expected from the human personification of sex froth. Viewers tuning in for a little taste of “Purple Rain” or “1999” were instead treated to a David Copperfield-esque magic silhouette curtain, specially lit to show the diminutive music legend jerking his guitar dick.

That’s the risk you take when hiring a man with more thrusting masculinity in his lithe elvish body than the whole defensive line. But a phallic faux pas can even happen with the nerdiest of all sporting entertainers: the marching band. To be sure, nothing is more erotic than a bunch of people dressed up like nutcrackers hammering out the Batman theme, but marching bands are generally tightly regimented paragons of discipline. Yet even they can break formation and fall face-first into a pile of accidental wangs. Like these rhythmic dweebs who wanted to celebrate their Kansas State team by recreating their beloved Jayhawk mascot next to the iconic Starship Enterprise …

Kansas State Marching Band

… but ended up forming a fiercely erect cock angling towards a bird’s open beak:

Deadspin Boldly going where no man should go.

Even highbrow institutions like Harvard can’t control themselves. While battling it out with the University Of Pennsylvania, the marching band claimed they wanted to honor their opponent by forming “Penn ’15.” All they did, however, was highlight the inherent floppiness of a human font:

SB Nation Still not the worst incident involving a penis at a Pennsylvania college.

4

Weather And Traffic Reporters Draw Peens All The Time

If there’s one place that should be a respite for all the wang-typhoons swirling around in the world, it’s the news. The journalists on TV bring us serious, often tragic stories, and do so with great composure, grace, and the highest degree of professionalism.

Except for the weather presenters, who occasionally just scrawl floppy dongs all over every available surface.

It’s not their fault, really. It’s their job to track the weather, and sometimes the weather can take some pretty turgid shapes. When that happens, a tornado report can take quickly turn into a dire message warning people of a far more terrifying event.

Similarly, a New Jersey website tried to warn residents of a potential flood risk by unleashing a massive unsheathed poonhammer on the entire Eastern seaboard:

And those worried about illegal immigration from neighboring Mexico have reason to be alarmed, as Zeus’ massive dick and balls are in the process of breaching the southern border crossing:

Apparently you can’t even tune in for traffic updates without correspondents finger-tracing blocks-long hard-ons that will most definitely jam up your commute.

The moral of the story is: Don’t give presenters interactive screens and expect them not to accidentally dip a giant boner in your kid’s breakfast cereal.

3

Advertisers Deal Heavily In Accidental Dicks

There’s a long history of people slipping subliminal sexual innuendos into commercials, hence the age-old mantra “sex sells.” Unless, of course, the subliminal sexuality was totally accidental, in which case it does the exact opposite of sell.

With so many heavy hitters and specialty craft brewers in the beer industry, it can be awful hard to set yourself apart from the pack. One brewer in Costa Rica thought that having a giant grilled sausage plastered on a billboard on the side of the road would get people thinking about delicious barbecues featuring their refreshing beer:

Unless they were driving on the other side of the road, which makes it look like a giant cock is peering from behind the billboard like a Scooby-Doo detective.

Restaurant advertising is a phallic landmine as well. Ever noticed how a chef’s hat kind of looks like an elongated bropedo? We didn’t either, until the heroes behind this Virginia bistro’s logo showed us the light:

Market Place swears it had no idea when it chose the logo, thinking it was just a mustachioed chef greeting customers from the window. Instead, customers can only see a winged dick dive-bombing the soup d’jour.

Meanwhile, a Brazilian university, meaning to unveil a logo consisting of an ornate tiered tower with a gorgeous red sun rising in the sky behind it to commemorate an Oriental Studies institute on their campus, wound up accidentally shoving those good intentions directly up its own ass:

Obviously, because no institute of higher learning wants to be known for telling its Oriental Studies department to go boof itself, they quickly withdrew the logo. But the internet is forever.

2

Women’s Hair Products Look Like Sex Toys

Hair is not generally considered to be an erogenous zone, which is why the Kama Sutra doesn’t have an entry called the “Mounting Ponytail.” Yet it seems that the maniacs who come up with hair styling tools have finally given up on finding new ways to design their feminine products without throwing a few dicks into the mix.

“Hot Buns” is ostensibly a helpful hair styling tool for women, but it is so clearly a giant knobby dildo that not even its product demonstrators can deny it.

Similarly, the Pearl Curling Wand looks like what old timey psychiatrists used to get rid of hysteria. Now, we understand that there’s only one shape a curling iron can take — that of a thick, powerful penis — and we’re even willing to forgive the many sexual images that a “pearl wand” conjures up. But if this thing didn’t heat up to scorching temperatures, we don’t think this would see much upstairs hair action. Hell, it’s basically a multitool.

1

Buildings All Over The World Are Secretly Giant Dicks

Thanks to Google Earth, the world has gotten used to looking at their buildings from above, like a winged cartographer. Which is bad news for some architects and construction engineers, who thought the biggest threat to people finding out they’ve erected skyscrapers that look like skyscraping erections was Groupons for helicopter lessons.

That’s London’s soon-to-be largest apartment block: Spire London. From the bottom, it looks like a giant eyesore, but from the top, it looks like it’ll actually poke your eye out. The Spire London promises to be the highest residential building in Western Europe, so Londoners can soon enjoy watching pilots desperately pulling up in order to avoid crashing into the tip.

The Supreme Court of India also suffers from an acute case of phallisitis. The court, with its bushy garden and squat features, perfectly captures the shriveled old dicks gathering in this building to uphold their archaic rules.

Meanwhile, residents of an otherwise-lovely middle-class neighborhood in northern England have begun to fear for the value of their homes since it was revealed that their cul-de-sac is a bit heavy in the sac department:

And while residents might be miffed that they’re now living on the wrong side of Shaftesbury Lane, at least their town’s entire tourism isn’t based on the revelation that their little canal paradise kind of looks like an anatomically correct penis with a healthy urethra:

Yet it’s quite easy to notice that a rectangle with a few round edges looks a bit like a penis. So how about a building complex that looks like a naked man squatting, ass agape, with a flaccid dick drooping pendulously down between his bulging red balls? A sprawling health center in Ontario, Canada offers just that:

But sometimes, there’s no need for human ineptitude; nature provides. For the low sum of $122,000, you can buy land on a 42-acre island near Fiji with some pretty stunning scenery …

… which you can view from both the head and the scrote of this shy little nub of an island:

Justin occasionally writes funny stuff that’s not about dicks here. Tweet at him if you need a used Dodge Durango.

For more genitals than you could’ve possibly hoped for, check out 5 Inspiring Religions That Worship Penises and Boobs on Things That Don’t Normally Have Boobs.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The 7 Most Baffling Pieces of Art (Made With Genitals), and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-accidental-x-rated-subliminal-messages-that-are-everywhere/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181062584112

[melwhelstravels]

Cross Country 2014!

Day 1 – Raleigh NC

We arrived at our campsite around 5pm and the gates locked at 9 so we decided to make a walmart run for burgers. We pulled up to the campsite and we were the only people in the site besides one other guy a few sites away. We ran to walmart for under $30 bought burger dinner and a grill..can’t really beat that. Plus now we have a little grill for our camping stops. We foot back to camp, unloaded our tent, made some drinks and got settled in. We played some gin rummy under our beautiful canopy of trees. I would highly suggest William Umstead park it was gorgeous. We cooked up the burgers. The ranger arrived at 9pm to lock the gate and check to make sure we weren’t murderers. She sold us some firewood and we snuggled up by the fire until we got sleepy,

Day 2 – Raleigh to Savannah

We survived the night without being murdered by that one other guy or eaten by wolves so that was a good start. We stretched out and showered up (super clean bathrooms again I would highly suggest this park) then went for. Little hike before heading out to Savannah. We had a beautiful day for driving, 92 degrees! Windows rolled down, jams pumped up…could not be happier. We drove until we, of course hit the South of the Border store and stopped for gas and tacos. We got to Savannah around 6pm checked into The Oglethorpe Inn. Really pretty hotel/inn and super inexpensive for how nice is. We got a king suite really reasonably priced. We showered up, got dressed and headed into town for dinner and exploring. We went to Anna’s for dinner, which was subpar, but really inexpensive so we didn’t mind. Then we walked down to the riverfront, which is gorgeous. We headed to “world of beer” which Matt of course loved, and they had Framboise so i didn’t hate it! We decided to bar hop and check out some other bars. We went to Social Club where we sat under a tree on the patio and watched a drunk girl fall asleep on a couch in front of us. It was entertaining until she was kicked out. She just wanted to take a lil nap. Matt had a couple of drinks then grabbed a beer to go (cause you can do that here, gotta love the south). Headed back to our hotel for the night. More updates to come!

Savannah, GA - Day 3

Day three started with our subpar hotel breakfast and deciding what we want to do. I did some quick research and we found Wormsloe Plantation only 3miles away. We arrive and it’s everything I was hoping for in a nature trip to Savannah. The row of live oaks is hanging over us, with an old gorgeous, but fading archway entrance. I just want to write entire seasons of American Horror Story based on this place, and that wasn’t even the creepiest thing we did all day. The row of live oaks is actually the one you will see at the moment Forrest runs in Forrest Gump, it was pretty awesome. The original plantation is only ruins now, so we get to tour that and it’s awesome, between live oaks, palms, lizards and crabs we aren’t sure if we are in Savannah or Guatamala. All in all if you don’t mind a little bit of a stroll and being outside, this is a Savannah must see.

Then we headed to lunch and I had the best salad of my life at Road Side Cafe. We went into town, because we knew we wanted to go on the 4pm river boat tour. We headed down to the river and did a bit of shopping (this is around 2:30). Random off story, we went into this one little $20 and under store to buy whatever’s and this lady (definitely/maybe a few drinks in) runs into the shop yelling “I saw this girl steal from you, hurry she is getting away!” Meanwhile the poor “thief” she is accusing has a painting from a totally different store that she is being told she stole from the store we are in. The girl at the register kinda just blows off the crazy drunk lady and she storms out saying “your loss!” This comes up later, so I thought I’d mention it.

We hop on the riverboat, sitting in the sun on the perfect day we were having. We buy a frozen drink and we are in heaven. The ride is great, beautiful breeze, beautiful weather, can’t stop smiling. The ride is about an hour and we are pretty sticky from sunscreen so we head home to freshen up and get ready for a fancy dinner. We decide on the restaurant Alligator Soul which is incredibly highly rated and has creole/southern which is what we were lookin for. We get there and they are booked until 9pm so we find a spot at the bar instead which we are just as happy about! We order some great drinks, and the bartender asks what we are in town for. Wait..pause…remember where drunk lady is supposed to come back….she does…she rolls into the bar around the same time as us, still lit up carrying a PBR pounder in a cozy and a wine bottle in a cozy, don’t forget this is a four star restaurant. She is also sitting at the bar, at the other end fortunately. Back to the bartender asking where we are from. So we tell our story about the trip and where we are headed. The people next to us stile up conversation and we learn they are in town for a convention and are from right outside Santa Monica in Cali. We have an awesome meal and chat with our new friends from Cali the whole time, they give us suggestions for NOLA. We grab a pic together and they told us to call to get a drink when we are near them. I think we just might! Then after our great dinner we headed out to meet my loves from West Chester Topher & Brenda. We had some catch up time, drank a couple of drinks then headed to our ghost tour led by only the best tour guide in Savannah, Topher. I definitely suggest the Blue Orb tours it was super creepy and actually really factual and interesting. I might just sound like a proud mom, but Topher is actually probably the best tour guide you will ever have so if you can go on his tour, I would. We had an awesome time hearing about how creepy Savannah really is basically a huge, well laid out city sized graveyard. We had a great time and I was sad to see Topher and Brenda go, plus we met some adorable Aussies on our trip, also from Cali.

Day 4 - Pensacola We got up early in Savannah and headed to Pensacola, Florida. We arrived in Pensacola around 5ish and hit up a Winn Dixie for some dinner. We headed over to the campground and set up in our great little site. Matt attempted to make a fire , unfortunately it appeared all the firewood was wet from the recent rain storms. We lucked out with everything not being flooded. We used our fire (mostly smoke) to heat up our rotisserie chicken and beans (cause we are hardcore campers). Had a lovely dinner by citronella candle, then sat by the sorta fire for a while. We kept scanning the still water that was behind our site for snakes and other creepy crawlers, of course we scanned across and saw a little water snake and I was like NOPE. So I decided it was time to sleep and not watch the marsh anymore so I didn’t end up sleeping in the car lol. The sound of the swampy marsh was actually great to sleep to so I didn’t wake up all night. Matt got up one in the middle of the night and apparently had a party with an armadillo outside the tent, but I slept through it..oh we’ll I’ll get ya next time armadillo.

Day 5- Pensacola & New Orleans We packed up camped and headed to the beach. It was unfortunately rainy and gloomy, but we wanted to see the pretty beach anyway. We walked down the beach and sat in our folds chairs a while, it was actually really nice. After an hour or so we headed out to NOLA. on the way we made two pit stops. First was the El Chikino (obviously a large chicken sculpted onto an El Camino). Then we stopped at the worlds largest rocking chair Gulfport, Mississippi. We drove through four states in four hours (Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana). We arrived at the Royal Barracks B&B which is super cute. The B&B has a patio with high walls so it’s really private, and our little room is great. We parked the car (about five blocks away, not close.this is important). We double and triple checked to make sure we had everything out of the care fore heading back to the room. So we walk back to the room (it’s now drizzling). We get back to the room and I go to take a shower, that’s all I wanted, just a lil shower. Nope, I left my toiletry/makeup bag in the car cause I’m the smartest person I know. So Matt was super excited to walk back with me in the now torrential rain with our broken umbrella. We finally got back to the room soaking wet, showered and changed and chilled for a lil. The rain didn’t let up all night so we decided to eat close, we ran through rivers of water and waterfalls off the rooftops to an Italian place a block away (Mona Lisa Cafe, really cute). That was basically the end of our night, which was fine we were tired. I know we are super lame for not going out and getting wasted, but that’s not really our dig anyway.

Day 6 - NOLA We got up and took a trash bag full of laundry over to be washed nearby, yay I can wear my fave jeans again! We grabbed lunch at 801 Bourbon, which had awesome salads (we are attempting to be healthy where we can). Then we picked up our laundry and, of course, it was time for a nap. Don’t judge, we are on vacation. After our nap we headed out to explore. We stopped at one of the many frozen drink dispensaries and bought some god awful frozen drinks, we wanted to be cool…we no longer want to be cool. We stopped at a couple of bars and little shops. Took some photos In Jackson Square, normal touristy things. We found this great prohibition bar 21st Amendment, it was awesome. Jazz singer playing piano, Godfather on loop and drinks with words I can’t pronounce. After 21st amendment we headed back to our B&B to get changed for dinner. Our B&B is right off of Bourbon, so about four blocks from the craziness, which is far enough away for it to be quiet and homey. We had dinner at Palm Court Jazz Cafe, really delicious, old timey NOLA Jazz band playing. Then we headed to another jazz club called Irvin Mayfields, nice smooth jazz and comfy dark club. We ended our night back at 21st Amendment, awesome five piece jazz band playing. Small bar, not packed, we had front row seats for the band. Stayed until around 1am then headed back to the B&B, like I said we aren’t into partying all night, plus there is too much to do and too little time to be hungover and non functional all the next day.

 Day 7 -New Orleans We woke up to rain again unfortunately, but we made the best of it, as we do. We did sleep in pretty late cause we might have gotten a wee bit intoxicated the night before, but what else were we supposed to do!? We got up and put on our rain jackets (seriously glad we bought those before we left home), then headed to get tacos for brunch. We figured we would check out the aquarium, since it was raining, but quickly changed our minds when we saw the hordes of screaming babies whose mommies had the same plan (happy Mother’s Day to them!) we decided we would check out the IMAX later in the day. We walked around the financial district for a while, do a bit of shopping. We mostly just strolled around a while. Shortly after it was time for our IMAX, about great white sharks, cause we are nerds. After the movie we headed we shopped around a bit more, then headed back to our B&B. it was just about nap time so we snuggled in for a bit. After chilling for a while we got dressed for dinner. We went o Snug Harbor on Frenchmen street which was pretty good. Then we checked out this awesome art market that was open until midnight.on a Sunday. NOLA is a strange place. We went to three different bars on Frenchmen with bands, it was great. Really awesome conclusion to our NOLA trip. Just walking down Bourbon I wouldn’t come back to NOLA, but after experiencing Frenchmen I would definitely consider returning

 Day 8 - Kountze, TX (We’ve never heard of it either)

We packed up from NOLA and headed out to Texas early on Monday morning. We didn’t hit any roadside stops on the way, but it we arrived early enough to play around outdoors. Kountze it just as you may have guessed, a middle of nowhere little town. Scary thing about Texas their speed limits are insanity. We were driving down a small two lane highway where the speed should probably have been maybe a max of 50, I shit you not, it was 75mph. Besides that it was a lovely ride, even with the speed limit craziness it was kind of an adventure. We arrived at Ethridge Farm B&B, which is right between NOLA and Austin if you ever want to take a cross country trip like ours, do not stay anywhere else, this is the perfect little slice of country heaven. Ann, our innkeeper led us to our personal cabin, which was brand spankin new. It was perfect in every way, porch swing, outdoor shower, huge king bed with hand stitched (not by Ann, it’s not her thing) quilt on the bed, literally perfect.  The “ranch-hand” Jay was a character out of a movie. He had a thick drawl accent and rode around in his golf cart warning us about snakes (it was “the season for em”, obviously) and talking to Biscuit the dog, who did not like us. He also had cane poles made up for us if we wanted to fish for Blue Gils, I love Jay, obviously. We arrived early enough to go for a country road bike ride, so we did. It was raining on and off, but never enough to be too annoying. We went to a crappy taco place “Crazy Jose’s” for dinner, oh well, ya can’t win them all right? Ann had turned the hot tub on for us, of all things for them to have right? We went over around nine to relax out some of the driving aches, it was perfect, just as everything else was. We decided to go snuggle up for the night and get an early start the next day. 

 Day 9 - Kountze to Austin, TX

We got up early and headed over for Miss Ann’s Texas breakfast. We were the only ones staying at the B&B so we were alone at this huge family dinner table with a big deer antler chandelier above us. Ann made us Texas style biscuit’s and sausage gravy, it was obviously amazing. Then we bid adieu to our little cabin and hit the road to Austin. On the way we hit Blue Bell Creamery in Brenham, TX. This was probably the best ice cream I’ve ever had (and I love ice cream); 3rd best in the country actually. Plus we went on a cool little tour of the factory.  We arrived at the Brava House B&B and met our host Nick. He is a young hipster and led us to our room and gave us a tour of the B&B facilities. It has a gorgeous little patio in the back of the house, off the house is a separate space for breakfast, and our room is awesome. The first night we headed into town, which was only about six blocks away. Picture this layout of the city, we are in a suburb, super quiet little residential suburb, walk seven blocks and you are downtown Austin. It’s awesome. We walked into town and ate at Z Tejas, this was delicious. Awesome margaritas and TexMex food; definitely go if you go to Austin, which you should. We walked up to some bars in town and had a drink, it was raining so we didn’t do too much. 

 Day 10 - Austin, TX

We go up and Nick made us a yummy breakfast and told us all the cool spots to hit. We took our bikes out and rode down town to Zilker Park and hit their amazing trail. We rode about five-ish miles stopping here and there for photo ops and scenic lookouts. It was really well laid out, something you would have to drive miles to get to from Philly or any city I’ve been to and it was feet from the main downtown area. The path was along the Austin riverfront, which was perfect and we had a perfect day for it.  We hit the downtown area for lunch and maybe I’m exaggerating now because I’m overwhelmed with the awesomeness of this trip, but I had probably the best burger ever. We strolled around downtown and checked out some shops, then headed back to the trail to get home.  We got home, napped, then headed back out (walking this time) to grab dinner and go out. We had dinner at Maiko sushi house, super delish. Afterwards we went to this bar in a parking garage, called…go figure, Garage. It had great prohibition cocktails (you know how we love our prohibition dranks) and some great music. We went to one other bar and then headed back to our humble abode. 

 Day 11 - Austin, TX

We had breakfast at our B&B again, which was again, delicious. Then we got dressed and headed to Hamilton Pool (Google that shit, it’s amazing). It was a beautiful cave/crater type pool (unfortunately closed for swimming), but still really awesome to take pictures and grab some sun for a few minutes. We came back to town and walked (again) to Z Tejas (seriously great food and drinks). We walked around at some shops nearby. Then we checked out this house that is actually a castle, plus the HOPE outdoor gallery. This gallery is all graffiti for four stories outdoors. Then we obviously napped. After chilling we headed to the closest bar for drinks and dinner (our leggies hurted). We needed to chill out the rest of the night so we just watched a movie and passed out. All in all Austin was amazing!

 Day 12 - longest day ever in the car

We slept in then headed out to New Mexico. I don’t know if people realize this, but Texas is friggin huge so getting through it with only two stops is insanity. So this day was mostly just driving (about nine hours). We did stop at the Caverns of Sonora in Texas that took about 2.5 hours, but really awesome. The scenery driving through Western Texas is amazing (really all of the scenery so far has been pretty great). The scenery was huge plateaus and mountains with giant fields, occasional dust storm. We drove really close to the Mexico border once night fell so we could see the huge lights that divide us and Mexico, really crazy. It’s insane to look at how close Juarez is to El Paso, literally the next town over. We finally hit Las Cruces, NM around 10pm and everything was closed for food, so we hit Applebee’s then went to bed in our La Quinta.

 Day 13 - Phoenix, AZ

We left New Mexico and went off to Arizona, had yummy morning burritos. We are classy and had DQ blizzards on the drive for lunch. We arrived at the Zenyard B&B and were immediately in love. It had a private pool, hottub, back porch, and awesome everything else. We got in the pool which felt like a hot tub because it was a record 102 degrees outside, felt awesome though. Our host Dale suggested this great Italian restaurant Cristos. We walked to Christos and had a great authentic Italian dinner with old Italian men spieling the specials so fast we had no idea what they were sayin, but we wanted it anyway. Then we came back and utilized the hottub and pool at night, sooooo awesome.

Day 14 - more Phoenix

We had great breakfast made by the B&B in the morning. Went to Echo Canyon trail, which has the disclaimer “extremely difficult” but they are NOT joking. It was 100 degrees, straight incline up to the top of this mountain with huge stairs, bouldering, and parts where you are literally pulling your whole body up a railing. Needless to say I didn’t make it to the top. Post mountain climbing we went home and took cold showers, obviously. Then we went to nordstrom rack and bought piles of clothes. We ate at this place called twin peaks, which we quickly found out was the Hooters of Phoenix, get it, twin…peaks…anywaaaaay. Then we went home, napped and hot the pool…aaaagain. For dinner we went to Matt’s Uncle Randy’s, which was really lovely. We hung out for six hours and chatted and had a great time.

 Day 15 - San Diego, CA

We got a bit of a late start cause sooooomeone (Matt) had a wee bit too much to drink the night before. Regardless, we got packed up and headed to CALIFORNIA BABY!! The mountains from Phoenix to California we’re amazing. We went through two border patrol check points, dem gringos are crazy mayn. We were staying at Campland on the Bay. It was a cute campground..you guessed it right on the bay. We set up our camp while murderous ducks stalked around us. Then we grabbed a bite and did laundry and got in the hot tub at the site. We built a cool fire and cuddled up

 Day 16 - Santa Monica, CA

We were awakened by the murderous ducks again first thing in the morning. We packed up camp and headed to the beach! We went to The Menu for breakfast. We went straight for Pacific Beach in San Diego, then obviously did happy dances because we made it to the west coast. We visited the Sunset Cliffs which was incredibly beautiful. Then we got back on the road on the way to Santa Monica. We checked into our B&B which was just this girls apartment that we had our own room in, still really nice though. We walked down the third street promenade and window shopped. We had dinner at Chloe, which had great drinks, but vastly disappointing food and service. We had after dinner drinks at Copa de Oro and The Misfit, which made me forget how much I hated Chloe. Then we headed home to sleep

 Day 17 - Santa Monica, CA

We rode our bikes down to the Santa Monica pier and hit Dean’s on the beach bar. It was a cool, somewhat touristy bar and we had a great spot outside. We were sitting right by the entrance, but the place was small so you could see all the tables. Two guys walked in and Matt and I immediately recognized the one from movies. It took us twenty minutes of searching imdb to finally give up and ask the waiter who he was. OH DUH Luke Wilson (ya know the lesser famous of the Wilson bros, but still totally awesome). So we finished our food then Matt nicely asked if it would be a huge pain in the butt for him to take a picture with me. He was super nice and Matt brought me over and we both got pics with him. Then we chatted about our trip for a minute, it was an excellent start to our day. We got on our bikes and rode down the beach trail, we got off and sunned by the ocean for a while (I unfortunately burned, while Matt simply sunned, jerk). Then we rode down to Venice Boardwalk and checked out all the little shops. We rode back to the pier and walked to the end, bought tee shirts. Then we rode into town and grabbed a snack and drink again at Misfit (you’ll never guess that it was another prohibition bar, seeing a trend here?). We went home and got dressed and showered for dinner. We were having dinner with my moms longtime friend (from when she lived in Venice after going cross country at my age, fun fact!) and our family friends Sandra and Tony. It was a lovely dinner catching up with friends at this cool Cuban restaurant Versailles. After dinner we we’re beat from a long California day.

Day 18 - still Santa Monica

We walked down the 3rd street promenade and ate at the mall. There was a weird competition happening in the open lower level where 20 girls had to dig through a huge cake to find a wedding ring, only in America folks. We walked around and shopped for a few hours. We went to The Misfit (yes, again) and had a drink and a snack (don’t judge they have a great happy hour). The. We went home and relaxed for a while (midday drinks make me sleeeeepy). We got dressed and headed to Monsoon for sushi, then to 4th and Jane for drinks. At 4th and main we learned that I’m terrible at connect four and the bartender Brian thinks we are locals of California, il take it.

Day 19 - Ventura, CA

We took a quick ride down the Pacific Coast Highway, which was so beautiful. We were taking a day trip to the Channel Islands off the Cali coast. We boarded the ship (it’s still pretty cool in California, that’s why there hasn’t been any swimming, which makes me sad cause I’m a fish, but beautiful weather nonetheless). We sat down in the bottom back of the boat where no one wanted to be, but was perfect. It was about an hour boat ride in beautiful weather. We saw a few huge sea lions, about a hundred dolphins and a humpback whale tail (this is just on the way to the island). The island itself looks like something out of Jurassic park, so cool, clear green-blue water with kelp forests, and rolling hills on this huge island in the middle of the ocean. We hiked up to the peak (again seriously check out matts pictures). On the boat ride back we saw, again hundreds of dolphins and three humpback whales. One fully breeched out of the water, which was just flipping majestic and another (possibly the same one, who knows) came right up to the boat and just kinda whaled around as they do. It was such an amazing day trip I can’t even believe it was real. We then checked into our B&B, which is a huge old church, so stinking pretty as if this day could get better. Oh and a waterfall rock shower, yea I’m moving in. So we changed and went into town, which is equally adorable. I’m sad we are only staying one night. We had dinner at Anacapa Brewing Company then strolled along Main Street. 

 Day 20 - Lake Havasu

We had a delicious breakfast at The Victorian Rose (our B&B in Ventura, awesome old church), then we headed on to Lake Havasu, AZ. Drove through the Mohave desert to our little oasis town. We were staying at the Bridgewater Motel with a bunch of old Germans which was perfect because we didn't want 21-year-old frat bros passed out all over the place. We went to the Barley Bros Brewing Co and played trivial pursuit like the coolest nerds you have ever met at the bar. Then we went to Kokomo, the main club/bar in town. We made friends with some awesome metal head German guys; Dennis & Holger. We also learned that Germans can out drink us any day of the week, so three jäger shots later and many drinks we stumbled home.

Day 21 - Lake Havasu We, of course, slept off our hangover until noon. We rode our bikes around looking for a spare beach whichever were none to be found. We decided to get in the car and drive far enough away from the craziness. Found an awesome family beach, swam, and chilled out the rest of the afternoon. We went to dinner literally across the street from our motel at Cha Bones, super yummy. We chilled out undecided what to do with the rest of the night, then made the obvious choice to go see XMen.

Day 22 - Vegas Baby

We drove through some more desert to get to Vegas and came in and rode down the strip, very cool for a first timer like me. We stayed at Planet Hollywood and ate at Tao in the Venetian for our first night. Matt played some tables then we watched girls dance at The Heart Bar In PH. We were obviously hungry again at 2am and you can get a full meal at that hour in Vegas, so we did.

Day 23 - More Vegas Ate lunch at Earl of Sandwich (we obviously slept til noon...again, life's hard). Sunbathed and swam at Planet Hollywood. Shopped around in PH a bit. Went to Joe's seafood for dinner, awesome steak meal. Then we headed to Aria for our awesome Cirque show, Zarkana. The show was exhausting from the anxiety of watching the crazy acrobatics in the show. We had 2nd row seats, so we could see the performers anxiety too. Walked around the strip a bit more then headed home

Day 24 - Again, Vegas

Ate lunch at the Tilted Kilt then walked around more, cause that's what you do mostly. Drank huge frozen drinks, cause that's also what you do. Went back to PH and won $400 like a boss. Went to Choya for taco dinner (we eat a lot of tacos). Took Matt to see Rock of Ages because he needed it in his life (he agrees). The show was awesome, then we went to the Rock of Ages themed bar and partied with the band, cause we are cool like that. Went back to PH for a snack & drink in the Rockbar, noticed they have a mechanical bull. I obviously was a boss, rode for over 30 seconds, and have the bruises on my thighs to prove it.

Day 25 - Grand Canyon Ah finally some fresh air. Took a pit stop on the way to check out the Hoover Dam. Had lunch in the most perfect Route 66 diner on the way. Arrived at our campground in the park and walked up to see it and take photos. There really aren't words that can describe the majesty that is the Grand Canyon, but it was definitely beautiful and awesome. Grabbed dinner then tucked into our tent a lil early.

Day 26 - Page, AZ

arrived at Colorado River Discovery and hour before schedule because they don't observe daylight savings time, jerks. Grabbed lunch at the Rivers End Cafe. We boarded our bus to our Glen Canyon river tour. The bus drives into guarded government property and down a huge Willy Wonka dark tunnel to get to the boats, sketchy as crap. River tour was amazing, we were on the Colorado River in the bottom of this huge canyon. I jumped in the 40 degrees water at our halfway point, it was refreshing and freezing, but now I can say I took a polar plunge in the middle of the desert. After the tour we struggled to get to our guest ranch in the middle of nowhere (no gps signal or address, just using coordinates and directions) but once we found it, it was perfect. We had a cowboy named Joel cook us steaks and had an awesome dinner on the porch. Played some pool before a gaggle of 21 year old British kids took over the game room. Since we were in the middle of nowhere you could see every single star in the sky for miles (nearest anything was 25 miles away).

 Day 27 - Page AZ

went into page for lunch at the Ranch House Grille. Headed over to our Antelope Canyon Tour. If you have never seen a picture of antelope canyon, it's amazing! We had a crazy little Navajo tour guide who loved Matt and kept stealing our camera to take photos, worth it though we got some perfect shots. Afterwards we went to lone rock beach on the way home and swam in Lake Powell, beautiful. Then we headed back to our cabin and I cooked us dinner (you'll never guess that I cooked tacos) and we sat on the porch and played rummy cause we are adorable.

 Day 28 - Moab, UT

Today was mostly driving and looking at some awesome ever-changing scenery. It goes from all rocks to mountains to all red rock, it's crazy how much is in America. We checked into our little cabin with a view that could kill of mountains and rock cliffs. We mostly just chilled out and went to Moab Brewing Co and here we are. Only 14 days left in our trip and every day is a new adventure. Having such a great time with my awesome best friend and babe. Also just as a recap Matt has driven 5300 miles, I've driven 10 (someone's gotta drive us home from all these breweries).

Day 29 - Moab, UT

Happy Birthday Mom! Today we got up at 6:30am (earliest day so far on the trip, struggles), but it was totally worth it. We went to hike to Delicate Arch in Arches National Park. Not only was it so much cooler first thing in the morning, there was also zero crowds (even on the way back around 8:30/9 it was starting to get pretty crowded. This is the biggest tourist spot in Moab so it was definitely something we were doing. We were following some people on the hike up that seemed to know what they were doing, and we were apparently wrong in doing so because they had us going the entirely wrong way. For some reason the park people thought it would make the most sense in a desert area compiled of rocks to make the markers for the trail be piles of rocks, good call park people, good call. We finally got to the Arch and it was amazing, pictures cannot do it justice. You think when looking at a photo, meh thats pretty big and kinda cool looking. When you stand under the arch it’s massive, so huge and it’s amazing how it has stood there for so long. How has nature even allowed that to stay balanced, insanity. Then we hiked back after taking some photos. We hit the Moab Diner for a breakfast fit for kings and then headed back to our comfy cabin for a well deserved two hour nap. You do not want to be out in the desert climate in the middle of the day so we were perfectly cool with snuggling up and napping right through it. We woke up chilled for a while then went to dinner at Fiesta Mexicana (you know how much we love tacos and quesadillas). Then we figured it would be awesome to check out one of the crazy kawasaki tours on the rock structures. We went on the Moab Cowboy tour, where Matt drove and Cowboy Kent was our instructor. This was probably the craziest thing we did on the whole trip. When the tour starts by driving across something called the “Devil’s Backbone” you know you have gotten yourself into something that is insane. You basically drive up and down these mountain formations made up of whats called slickrock (it’s not slick, it’s actually like a cats tongue or sandpaper) and the wheels of the kawasaki’s stick right to it. It was so cool and fun and I would do it again and again. I think Matt would totally move to Utah and do it all the time, which makes me want to not move to Utah because I like him alive. I’ve also met a few cool rednecks in my day, but Cowboy Kent was by far one of the coolest. We got to see a stunning sunset while on our drive. 

Day 29 - Mesa Verde/Cortez, CO

We packed up and said goodbye to Moab and moved onto Colorado. This drive was so interesting because you are moving from the crazy red rock formations to the mountainous area of Colorado. We bought our tickets at the visitor center in the Mesa Verde Park, then realized we had to drive 30 miles up a mountain to the actual tour. This was a twisty curvy drive along the side of this mountain (really beautiful drive). We grabbed lunch at the Terrace Overlook cafeteria in the park. The Cliff Palace was so interesting, our guide Jim was so knowledgeable. It was nice because we had a very small tour group so we had the opportunity to ask a lot of questions and check out the site in a bit more detail (once again lucking out with the no crowds). 

Day 30 & 32 - Santa Fe NM

Magic Staircase, Stayed at an amazing B&B with a retired carpenter/harpsichord musician. Got tatted up. 

Day 33 - Amarillo TX

Almost got Tornadoed on, Found worlds biggest steak (everything’s bigger in Texas), stayed at an really nice & clean KOA (had to upgrade to the cabin because of potential aforementioned tornado). Found a strip club called “Beaver Town” can’t make that up (I could but I’m not nearly that funny)

Day 34 - 35 - Oklahoma City, OK

Lots of flat land on this drive, stayed with the cutest gay couple with their baby dogs, The one is a highly renowned concert pianist with a solid gold plated full grand piano in their little living room; why have more than two seats in the living room when you can have a grand piano? Went on a lovely nine mile bike ride around a pond. Checked out the downtown Oklahoma City area Day 36 - Lake Ouachiata AR 

Stayed a simple hotel, went to a dive bar, went to the movies (saw the best movie ever “Edge of Tomorrow”, seriously see it). Went to bed

Day 37 - 38 - Nashville TN

Honkeytonks, music, some good country food, really beautiful Airbnb (she gave us wine); our first Uber! 

Day 39 - 40 - Bardstown KY

Whiskey, Colonel Sanders (the real one), more whiskey, Haunted old jail cell B&B, aaaaaaand more whiskey

This was the trip of a lifetime. We were excited to be home, but we can’t wait to do it again. This trip was the  main instigator for us purchasing our Sonic RV. Spring 2018 looks like our first BIG trip with the RV, but for now we will have some awesome weekend trips. Anyone who has the opportunity to go cross country whether it be in an RV or like we did with just our loaded down Xterra, do it. You will never regret the experience. There are a lot of really beautiful places in the world (see other posts regarding the Caribbean), but you really don’t have to leave the country to see some of the most beautiful places.  The most common question we get after our trip is, where were your favorite places. To explain that I feel like I have to preface we had an awesome new experience everywhere we went so it’s hard to pick. Savannah was gorgeous with all the willow’s and the feeling of being in the South. Austin was such a different city (especially coming from Philly), really amazing to have real nature in a city and the planning to make it such a great walking city (take notes philly). Ventura CA was such a cool experience and we wished we had stayed there longer. Utah was actually our favorite place probably; Moab is the most different place we have ever experienced (look at that arches pic again.. we are under the arch). Our next trip we are thinking of going as far as Phoenix then exploring more of Arizona & Utah.  Our least favorites (we didn’t dislike anything on the trip so they are only least faves) would be Vegas & NOLA. Vegas was a really cool experience to be had, but I would never go back unless it was for a great show. NOLA was neat on Frenchman St, but anyone who comes to NOLA to go to Bourbon St is crazy to me. Maybe if I was 21 and with my girls I would feel differently, but at this point in my life, no thanks. We definitely enjoyed both, but were not our faves.  Please go cross country, you will not regret it!

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8 Stationary Must-Haves for Old-Timey Communication Lovers

Stationery revival.

Stationery solutions for those looking to keep the practice and art of paper communications alive.

In this day and age of mass , tweets, Snapchat, and every other form of digital communication some are choosing to go old school with pen and paper. There’s a snail mail revival afoot. Sending a card, a letter, a note of thanks is a much more personal way to let your loved ones know that you care and are thinking of them.

The more high tech we get, the more important it is to hold onto special traditions that can become even more special when it’s so super easy just to click a button to send someone birthday greetings.

But what are the stationery must haves to keep on hand for sending everything from letters to thank you cards?

Stationery Must Haves

1. Basic Rustic Stationery Set via Pinky Promise Bargains

You will want a basic everyday writing set to have on hand for last minute birthday greetings, to send best wishes on a friend’s new job, or to just keep up with your penpal. This rustic set is full of charm, but versatile enough whatever your needs.

2. Personalized Heart Stationery via Find Penny Paper Co

On the other hand, some personalized stationery might work just as well for your note writing needs. No matter your taste in fonts and decorations, there’s a set to match your style.

3. Flat Chevron Notecards via Hedoe Paper

There are two different styles of notecards–flat and folded notecards. Flat notecards are perfect for a quick note to a friend.

4. Folded Notecards via Pink Lily Press

Pretty folded notecards are a quick solution when you need a thank you or birthday card. Keep different designs on hand to tuck in with a birthday present or along with a host gift.

5. Printed Notepad via naomilynn

Not only are notepads a handy way to jot down some notes, but they can also act a stand-in for notecards and other stationery.

6. Thank You Cards via missive

Don’t forget your manners! Thank you cards are a stationery must-have and letterpress thank you cards are even better.

7. Bear Postcards via Bearly Southern

Sending a postcard is a fun way to send quick greetings to a friend. These quirky postcards would do the trick to send good cheer to a friend.

8. Kraft Paper Envelopes via When it Rains Paper

And it is always a good idea to keep extra envelopes on hand when writing letters or to send photos and other keepsakes. These Kraft paper envelopes are a practical stationery solution.

Related on EcoSalon

Mind Your Manners: The Lost Art of Handwritten Thank You Notes Mad Men Your Workspace: Vintage Office Supplies 15 Ways That Are Better for Corresponding Than Email

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