#dude once we were talking about parallel universes and stuff

[cru5h-cascades]

Yet another book rant...

I'm gonna be upfront about this, y'all. I have absolutely nothing positive to say about the book I'm gonna be writing about here. I had to read this specific book for school last year and bloody hell this book left me with mental scars. It was to a point where I just couldn't read a full novel for MONTHS, and I LOVE READING. I've only recently decided to pick up Stephen King's Carrie to try to start reading again. If y'all have seen one of my RBs this morning, I think you all know what book I'm about to talk about. If you value your sanity, then please feel free to skip this post and never read the book I'm about to talk about in general...

Last year, for some god forsaken reason, my English teacher made my class read Like Water for Chocolate. Now, none of us didn't expect what hell we were going to be exposed to, but right when we were reading the first few pages, we learned what we were in for. Next to nobody liked this book. It left everyone with mental scars and it didn't help that we'd have to reaccount the events of this hellish book in class FOR A GRADE.

Now, you might think I'm basically writing about a lil' creepypasta about the book that I made with how I'm describing the book, but I'm serious. I have no idea what caused the teachers in my high school to let us read this book, and frankly I'm suprised nobody stopped to question the book that, at least to me, glorifies some not-so-great things (the main character, a ~16 year old, decides to marry someone way older than she is and is perfectly okay with marrying the dude who flat out did... stuff to her, to say the least). Do they want us to get into toxic relatonships? What can I even get from reading this book besides PURE FUCKING ANGER because almost everyone in this book is a fucking dick?!

Besides me beefing with the morals of this book, the other bone I have to pick with this book is that it's a GODDAMN ACID TRIP TO READ. Case in point: towards the end of the book, the main character and her lover decide to do the dirty and the MC's lover fucking dies in the middle of it, leading for the MC to eat a bunch of lit candles to set herself on fire (not how candles work I think 'cause would the fire just go out once she are the candle) (she didn't drink any booze before doing so so yeah) and I guess causes A FUCKING VOLCANO TO BE FORMED ON THE HOUSE?! OR AT LEAST JUST A MASSIVE INFERNO THAT GOES ON FOR WEEKS ON END AND THE ONLY THING THAT SURVIVED WEEKS OF BURNING WAS A GODDAMN COOKBOOK?! I get that the book is in the realm of ✨magical realisim✨ but said ✨magical realisim✨ hardly has any effect on the plot.

My god... the fact we even had to read this book for class pisses me off 'cause like I said it's almost like they didn't consider the contents of the book it's almost like they were like "oh shit we need a piece of Mexican liturature that can show non-Mexican students what Mexican culture is like oh how about this random Mexican novel surely it's just about a girl learning how to cook or something". I could have picked a better book for this damn unit, and I will do so RIGHT NOW.

If the school wanted to stick to the Mexican repersentation route, I'd suggest reading Ghosts by Raina Telgemeier. Absolute hood classic. The Mexican repersentation in this book is pretty good (keep in mind I am the child of a Mexican myself) and it's something that I think would keep the attention of high schoolers 'cause it's a graphic novel and it's relatable. There's no confusing morals in the book, either, so it'd be perfect for this kind of unit.

If the school wanted to tackle toxic relationships, than oh boy I'm four parallel universes ahead of the school 'cause I ACTUALLY MADE A UNIT TAKING ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. Yeah! I made something talking not just about victims of DV and what they can do to get help but also talked about the abusers as well and how to confront that kind of situation! Anyways, I accompanied said unit with a good ol' book I read during a DV unit I had in 8th grade. Breathing Underwater by Alex Flinn is from the perspective of an abusive partner after getting a restraining order from his ex and accounts his journey to rehabilitation. The book shows what lead up to the restraining order, the effects something like that can have on the lives of others, and how abusive people become the way they are as the main character is a victim of abuse as well. I highly reccomend reading this book 'cause it's pretty good. The book also has a sequel called Diva from the previous MC's ex's perspective showing how she's moving on from that relationship and I really wanna get my hands on it.

But yeah those were my thoughts of Like Water for Chocolate and how I don't think it's the best book to have in a unit for English class. Or really how it's not a great book in general.

[liopleurodean]

The Road So Far: Season 6

Holy smokes. What a ride.

If you're new, this is my recap/reflection on season 6 of Supernatural. You can find all of my previous commentary under the "ashla chick flick moments" tag (or block it, if you so wish. I don't mind.)

Well. Where do I even start? The beginning, I guess.

Dean got out. That's... so monumental. Obviously, it didn't last, but I truly believe that if the Winchesters were less famous then he could have made it. I understand why people don't like Lisa, but I can still see them being good together, and I think that he really did love her, and he absolutely loved Ben like his own. Speaking of Ben, the kid's acting was... not great, but it's a child actor, so I'll give it a pass. As it is, I'm a firm believer that Ben is Dean's son, biological or not.

I guess we have to talk about Sam, huh? Man, there were so many times when I wanted to just. Slap him. Or punch him in the face with a brick. Either would work. Even when he got his soul back, he got right back into his pushy self. I get that he wanted to "atone," but he really just did not get it.

Speaking of slapping people, Cas. Oh my stars, this angel is so stupid. Like, yeah, the boys could've been more appreciative for what he did for them, but could really not see when he went too far? 6x20 The Man Who Would Be King almost made me feel bad for him, but he wouldn't back down even when it was clear that something was wrong.

This has been really depressing, so let's get into the fun stuff! Holy cow, this season had so many bangers. Count 'em up: 6x02 Two And A Half Men, 6x05 Live Free Or Twi-Hard, 6x09 Clap Your Hands If You Believe, 6x15 The French Mistake, 6x17 My Heart Will Go On, 6x18 Frontierland, and 6x21 Let It Bleed all make my list. My favorite is probably gonna be Frontierland, which is honestly one of the lesser episodes on this list, but I have reasons: 1) the Good Omens parallel was absolutely hilarious even if it was unintentional, and b) I've always thought that Samuel Colt was cool since way back in season 2. This only made him more awesome. And anyway, watching Dean in the Wild West was hilarious, if a little embarrassing. Sorry dude, but you should've known Hollywood would make things look weird.

One thing that I will say about this season is that it's all over the place. I think, after wrapping up the story all nice with a bow in season 5, they didn't really know what to do, so they just kind of improvised. It was a risky gamble, but it paid off with one or more of the fandom's favorite episodes, and one of the most memorable characters. There were multiple story arcs moving at once (Eve, Soulless!Sam, Ben and Lisa, Cas vs. Raphael) and all of them managed to fit seamlessly together. Despite all of the development that had to fit in a regularly sized season, I didn't really feel like it was rushed, especially not compared to the end of season 5. They managed to blend everything together while still keeping it manageable to understand.

Mostly, I just felt bad for Dean. In the span of weeks, he lost his semi-girlfriend, his son, and his best friend, while still juggling the emotions from his brother's close calls as well as everything else going on. Obviously, he's not the only one struggling (Bobby Singer deserves a vacation) but man, Dean needs a hug and a nap, and then another hug when he wakes up.

Baby. My beloved. The most important object in the universe. Not a prop, but one of (if not the) greatest characters on the show.

I'm so sorry. Baby deserved better. I mean first of all, you're telling me Dean just left her to sit in a garage for a year while he messed around in a station wagon? Who are you and what have you done with Dean Winchester.

And then the Mustang. That made me sick. I couldn't even look at it, it was just horrifying. And then Balthazar played it off like it didn't matter!!! That's the most important object in the universe jerk!!! Pay her some respect!!!

And she got wrecked at the end! That car has been through so much, and she does not need to be crashed into every position possible. She deserves better. Every time something bad happens to that car I die a little inside.

Well, enough about Baby (there will never be enough about Baby). The next season is supposedly about Leviathans, which could get very interesting. I could be wrong, but I also think maybe we meet Charlie next season? Well anyway, this one is usually considered as sort of the "forgotten season" (like Adam), so we'll see how it goes. I'll get started within the next couple of days. Carry on!

[theartofmining]

thinking about how i have so many weird stories abt my life that if i were to ever become a cc i could confuse people by just saying “lol once this happened” and it being the weirdest fuckin thing..god i’d be so cool

[lesbian4lqg]

top 10 the untamed characters based on how much theyve played third wheel to wangxian

1. wen ning

this is obvious

the scene where they show up in the burial mounds and start to untie the juniors, but instead of explaining whats happening wwx just hands wn his sword and watches w lwj? all three of them were completely in synch, not a word was said, but they fucking knew anf they were having way too much fun w it

literally the whole reason he has consiousness is bc they teamed up

its aro week and i wanna take this second to say that this is a win for my ace aro wen ning & qp wn&wwx and wn&lwj agenda

three-way parenting for lsz

(god can you imagine if wq lived? theyd be too powerful)

was one of the first ppl to hear wuji outside of wwx and lwj

the boat scene????? wwx and lwj were gazing lovingly into each others eyes and wn was just. vibing. dude didnt even look that uncomfortable, just like it was another day im-

literally every scene wen ning was in after wwx came back to life tbh

2. the xuanwu of slaughter

they were literally cradling each other in their arms while an entire murder tortoise was trying to kill them

the telepathy talisman? iconic, why dont we talk about that more

life threatening battles are just hella gay by design, esp when theres swords involved. idk what to tell you

3. lan sizhui

just look at his name. lwj named him that unironically. holy shit.

the temporary parallel universe that was lwjs visit to the burial mounds? what we couldve had smh

i know lwj and wwx lovingly annoy the shit out of him post canon, bless his heart

4. nie huaisang

the bit on dafan mountain where he's like "oh fuck thats dangerous i dont want to run out of here" and wwx and lwj make eye contact and then are just like "thats rough buddy. anyway, lets do it"

"oh wow this adventure we're on is so cool" "we? this is about me and lan zhan, what the fuck are you talking about"

when they see him right after they fuck up the nie tomb and theyre lowkey just bullying him

the scene at the end where wwx confronts nhs while lwj just watches knowingly? theyre once again bullying the poor man

he gets extra points for orchestrating everythig. dude really said "oh jgy thinks he's funny? well wwx and lwj are about to be completely fucking hilarious" and then just sat back and watched shit go down w occasional commentary. king shit

5. lan xichen

when they come back to cloud recesses after mxy!wwx's reveal and theyre like "the dude whos kinda debatably the love of your life is the real evil here" and he just has to deal w that

ok it felt weird putting him this low on the list but like. he and jc were mostly emotionally third wheeling??????? like he wasnt in a ton of scenes w just him and the two of them, but he had to cope w lwjs pining all the time

6. jin ling

really should be lower on this list but he has extra points bc again, i cant believe they let lwj and wwx name things

the part where theyve p much Just been reunited and they immediately have to go break him out of the nie tombs? dude wasnt even concious but i feel like it still counts

7. jiang cheng

i feel like he shouldve been higher on this list too, but im not listing everyone and again he just doesnt have scenes w just the two of them

however he def had to deal w so much pining. the reunion on dafan mountain AND the reuinion during the sunshot campaign. the golden core reveal. the 3 months of him and lwj searching for wwx alone

8. jin guangyao

technically no scenes w just them but like. the bullshit they got up to undoubtedly lived in his brain rent free. theres no way he had any peace

honorary mention for stuff from the novel like the guanyin temple confession

10. literally everyone

these dudes are everywhere and they will make it everyone elses problem

the skywalkers of fantasy ancient china

post canon discussion conferences? the water abyss or whatever in caiyi? the sunshot campaign? the murder of the cuanwu of slaughter, which helped kick off the sunshot campaign? nightless city pt 1 AND 2? the going-ons of literally every chief cultivator? that was all them babe

honorary mentions include: lil apple, lan jingyi&ouyang zizhen, wen qing, jiang yanli, the ghosts of cangse sanren&wei changse (and prob madame lans ghost as wel tbh), su she (ty @ghostysword for reminding me- i totally forgot about him) and everyone whos seen the show

[shinygoku]

gordon gordon gordon gordon

Gordon Gordon Gordon Gordon!!

He's been sneaking into these asks by proxy, so it's finally time for his dedicated session, hehe~

First impression

WUAAAGH what's up with this WEIRD LONG NOT-THOMAS and his FACE?!

Impression now

His face is still pretty weird! But you know what else it is? Part of an Absolute Legend ✨

Like, man, Gordon is such a big presence and interesting character, the entire premise leans heavily on him. I'm inclined to go as far as to say that the Blue Boys of 1, 2 and 4 here are the three most important characters for the franchise (not at all to knock everyone else lmao) and they slot nicely into a Triforce of Courage, Wisdom and Power, and Gordon has Power in spades!

Gordon is The Vain One (not James!). He's legit very strong and the fastest on Sodor (which isn't just being a big fish in a small pond because that island has some crazy cool engines!) but unfortunately he lacks humility. His success seems to have been lodged in his head before the series even begins and this Pride is the source of pretty much every single conflict he's involved in.

But when it isn't his self satisfaction in his actions, it's being smug about being such a grand, magnificent Tender Engine and he is snooty as hell about it. He seems to look at smaller engines [pretty much everyone compared to him lol] as a lesser class, particularly if they're small and cheeky and Tank Engines. This may not be the case exactly, but his way of talking to them and some other things he says are very condescending.

However... as much as a gigantic jerk he is at several points, with Gordon I kinda feel like he plain ass doesn't conceive of his words being out of line. That and having to Unlearn things... he's not innately better than everyone else. He sees things in black and white. There are Useful Engines, and those who should be scrapped. There are Noble Tender Engines and Lesser Tank Engines who exist to do the tedious chores on behalf of the Superior ones. Edward doing shunting is seen as Demeaning and contradicts Gordon’s world view that Tender Engines Don't Stunt™, and he doesn't like that one bit! (Also Edward was crossing the picket line but that wasn't Awdry's concern lmao)

Related is Gordon does seem oddly dense at times, like assuming that Tenders are in of themselves a Status Symbol rather than a large lunchbox of sorts lol, or that Tender Engines like him being too heavy for Branch Lines being because something about Branch Lines are degrading. This might be all Elitist Brainwashing influence. But still, that he just takes these as The Truth means I get to affectionately call him an idiot. And there is no other way to explain how he genuinely believes Bill and Ben were going to murder him if he wasn't missing a few brain bolts in there.

Fortunately, he does eventually start to learn the important lessons.... very gradually, but the Early Gordon is a pretty different beast to Later Gordon, and it's wonderful~

Also, I gotta give credit to him for having some moments of utter brilliance and actual grasp of reality and more complex matters, like culture. (Yeah, I'm rolling with his geniune Opera Knowledge from s6 of all things. It's good!) As much as Awdry himself may have disagreed, Gordon was in the right to want a Station Pilot and the Strike was called for (not bullying Edward for it, but myeah) ...but this leads to my next point: He seems to have a mental block when it comes to Emotions.

Certainly, he's as emotional as the others are, it's not just a scale of Snooty, Arrogant, Condescending, Prideful ....well, it is, but ALSO the more mixed and varied feelings: Shame, Sadness, Fear, Ambivilance, Irritation, Anger, Passion, Amused, Delight and so on. However, Gordon is seemingly unaware of how his words may make the others feel, and even at his cruellest it doesn't look like he's aware he's twisting a knife in. To Gordon, he's being honest, but his verbose manner ends up twisting and wriggling away from any valid point like an overgrown vine that somehow links back to how [Other Engine] is disgracing him, Gordon, by association.

Examples include: Being offended by Henry's new shape (??? Gordon dude he nearly died and this is an improvement, a good thing!), saying that Edward's age and difficulty starting a heavy ass packed load of passengers is grounds to be Retired or even Scrapped, other little insulting things like calling the likes of Thomas and James Little insistently (it seems to vary if he's trying to put them down or actually be affectionate), and many more when in the hands of inept writers who have to wheel out the same Gordon Learns A Lesson Plot every other season.

Like I said in the James post, I also think he kinda poisoned the Red guy with his snooty attitude... but I maintain that I think Gordon was unaware of this. He may know he has Influence, and enjoy that, but he really truly doesn't appear to mean to mould James into a smaller, redder version of himself. He's oblivious and from his own point of view, benevolent. Which is in fact a dangerous combo indeed!

It's... a lot o7;;

Again though, if you're looking at the books and s1-s5 of TVS you can see him grow and change. He does take a while to learn the lessons, but as time goes on he moves 2 steps forward and 1 step back, then eventually less steps back entirely. It's great! And so is Gordon. A big dumb meathead with not entirely uncalled for delusions of granduer. A dramatic so-and-so who is the best engine for his job.

I love this sophisticated jock who grows more kindness~ 💙

Favourite moment

Hm! This isn't as easy to decide lol. We all like Gordon Goes Foreign... but you know what sticks in my mind more?

hOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH

Look, I’m not 100% objective, here! But Ringo’s read of this line is fantastic (and keeps making me expect him to finish saying OOOHH SHIT) and it’s also a well deserved bolt of divine retribution for how rude he was being earlier. (As long as my essay already was, he very much needed the knocking down of some pegs here!)

Idea for a story

While both my fics with him thus far have been variations of Pre-Canon, Full-Arrogance and Snobbish Gordon (and both were a lot of fun!) ...but I cannot bear the same expired horse being beaten more when the story is set waaay later but he’s still up his own ass. Please, PLEASE writers, let him hold what growth he’s managed to gain!

I think it’d be good to accept that he’s gonna be outdated sooner or later, so have him help train another High Speed Engine and take them under his wing. The Christopher Awdry books kinda have something similar with Pip and Emma, but I think a better way of having Gordon be involved would be if he was actively doing some mentoring himself, as well as being a neat parallel with Edward, whose type was once Express only but got outclassed by A1s, and so the same can happen to this big A1 -> A3 lad and he can form a healthy relationship with some bright eyed newbie (and maybe have some self awareness and try to stop their head getting too large, lol).

Unpopular opinion

I know I just said him mentoring would be a cool story idea, but in canon? He is NOT a resident Dad type!! He’s a hotshot young man but he’s also a hot mess. He’s physically large but he’s not got the Energy of someone who dispenses sage advice and a shoulder to cry on. At best, he’s a weird uncle! One who means well but you shouldn’t take his life advice to heart because he’s actually just as, if not more clueless than you!

Favourite relationship

I feel inclined to say Thomas here. Emphatically not because Gordon is ‘old’ and Thomas is ‘young’, but because they’re so damn alike and actually make an excellent, albeit unconventional type of Rivalry.

Both are self important with genuine finesse in their respective talents, both are honest to a fault, both have redeeming qualities to offset their initial abrasiveness, and the first TVS episode is centred on the both of them and sets the tone for the series as a whole. There’s more parallels, of course, but I also wanna point out they’re effectively the mascots of North Western Rail in universe too, and I absolutely love this picture:

I also have immense fondness for the Down the Mine paradigm shift! Thomas gives Gordon grief over the ditch incident and later when it emerges the Fat Controller is gonna send for Gordon to pull him out, Thomas is filled with dread. But Gordon isn’t using the chance to lord over Thomas, he’s actually so amused by Thomas’ mishap and it coming at a time where he’s been significantly humbled, they instead become Comrades and I love it. I eat it up! Paint Pots and Queens isn’t anywhere near as good but I adore the little bit where they’re appealing for the other, equals and watching each other’s back~

But yeah, as Friendly Rivals they both feel very authentic and yet, in a daft way, sweet ;3

Favourite headcanon

He still says “Hurry, hurry, hurry!” when pulling the Express. That’s a HC as I think the show phased it out, but I like it lol. I feel like my essay on him contains most of the headcanon stuff, but it’s all based on what’s shown, baybee!

[in-fair-verona-we-set-our-scene]

so! just came back from seeing Venom: Let There Be Carnage with my brother and I have some thoughts. Spoilers under the cut

Okay, first of all this was queer as hell like I was picking up the romcom vibes in the first one but this takes it up twenty notches. Venom and Eddie consistently use language and behaviour typically used for romantic relationships when talking about their own, even when fighting (I mean there’s a point Venom literally throws Eddie’s shit out the window while yelling at him to get out). And the rave scene? Venom talking about “coming out” as an alien (but still almost entirely in the context of Eddie!), the “not my type,” the way he demands an apology out of Eddie in the same way a romantic partner scorned would? Yeah, they were pretty much a couple (just a couple in a pretty nasty fight) well before the beach scene.

AND THE BEACH SCENE! My man, we have Venom canonically say he loves Eddie, ON SCREEN. Plausible deniability because two guys, we know how the cishets are about “bros being bros” (which ironically only applies when trying to deny gay stuff, because god forbid men show intense platonic affection otherwise), but that is very much an admission of love that, on top of everything else, is very very gay. So gay. I wish them well on their honeymoon.

Now I could go on for so long about the nuances of Eddie and Venom’s relationship but let’s move on top other characters.

The Villains. They were simple but by god were they entertaining. Cletus was good fun, they did a lot of good with how creepy he was with some good imagery, but what really shone was he and Frances relationship. Their Bonnie and Clyde dynamic was absolutely perfect, and their aesthetic? My bisexual heart is quivering. The wedding scene with them decked out all in black lace was unparalleled cinema.

Carnage was actually probably the flattest villain but he was still cool. I loved how Venom took one look at Carnage and tried to back out, like what a total LOSER! Carnage’s motivation is he wants to kill his dad (Venom) for reasons that are not explained. How Carnage is ultimately unable to work together with Cletus is also really great because it serves as a great parallel to Eddie and Venom. Eddie and Venom are a good match for many reasons, but one of them is that they do really care for each other in a way where they care for what the other cares for. Venom cares a lot for Anne, Mrs Chen, and even Dan. If Eddie cares, Venom will not kill them. Compare Carnage, the dissonance between Cletus’ care for Frances and how Carnage tries to kill her over a few mess-ups with their incompatible powers is what tears them apart because Carnage does not care and neither does Cletus. Their goals are aligned for a time, but they don’t actually care about each other beyond that, and once those goals stop being aligned it is all over. While Eddie and Venom can work through those disagreements.

Anne was a delight but unfortunately under used. Dan was back in all his Regular Guy Who Did Not Ask For This Glory, being an overall decent dude.

Now about the end. First of all, I totally gotta ask was Venom about the announce that they’re going to have a baby? Y’know, the build-up discussion about a cheesy drama wherein there is a pregnancy reveal and Eddie’s body language on top of it... like before they get interrupted by the universe hopping, it was totally gonna be a pregnancy announcement, right?

Which considering the next part of the post-credits scene is Venom and Eddie being in the MCU (presumably for the same multiverse fuckery reasons Doc Ock is now in the MCU) how is the very cishet MCU gonna deal with that? Eddie and Venom are already so very very queer in a lot of different ways and now are a male/male presenting(?) couple about to have a baby like how they gonna manage that?

[alazyparallelworld]

httyd2 thoughts | watched same day, aug 12th 

it is, honest to god, stunning how much of a nothingburger this movie is

prior to watching this, minutes before, i relayed what i knew thru online osmosis - “uh, hiccup’s mom is alive? his dad dies. toothless gets this ‘alpha’ superpower and gets blue scales. there’s a big, mean, mind controlling dragon - oh, and there’s a dude controlling it too.” 

and he was like, mm, yeah, you get the gist, and i was like ah OK cool. 

but you know - even if you kind of, nail down the, specifics and importances of content - a movie/show/book/game you kind of expect there to be... more? for the thing to contain more than just the major connector-connecting threads.

uh!

no!

not really! nope! not at all! at least not here!

im sure in some chronically online defense, this is my own fault - for one thing, I KNEW, the aforementioned. sure i did not know how it went down. i did not know about hiccup’s dad being burnt alive, i didn’t know the Big Bad Dragon killed the Little Nice Dragon in order to gain mindfuck powers - but! i got the gist! i had been spoiled, rotten, i had my HOPES UP....  

and you know at the time this movie was released, ‘14, there wasn’t some internet drought thing going on. people talked and thus inadvertently spoiled “the gist” for the rest of us - coming into, new media, without expectation is impossible. it’s a fantasy. we all judge the book by its cover. through, watching the first film alone, i had expectations for its sequel! 

and mm yeah it did not, deliver, on anything. like i genuinely cannot think, at the moment, of any other piece of media that’s just... unabashedly disregarded any and all concern for: cohesive, interesting narrative, nuance, etc... 

now all of this gets the impression of: sequel bad everyone online is wrong, except,

i’m not.... mad. or disappointed. i am confused. i feel like i side-stepped into an alternate universe, reading all of these praises and recalling people who enjoyed this movie, in a, “WOW, IT’S SO DEEP,” it evokes emotions, etc

this is a really good popcorn movie. i fucked up, post-intro, into the scene with hiccup and toothless flying, searching for a new land- by asking, “so, wait, what was the point of that? that scene [ the dragon race ] was really long for a parallel referencing the first’s beginning tone. so it’ll be building up to something, right...?”

unfortunately i broke the silent rule, the singular guideline, of this movie: do not question anything 

this movie had answers.... to absolutely none of my questions. hey, did you ever wonder how hiccup’s parents interacted? well here’s a song! oh, and they dance during it too! and his mom’s a shit cook! so on and so forth...

it is just this - overly long, miserable trek of EXPOSITION that at some ambiguous point becomes lore dropping. but this - here we are, telling the story to you - stuff continues for so much of the runtime, it never feels like the movie’s... moving. it’s still the scenery stage, establishing motivations, over an hour-and-twenty minutes into this movie 

like, goddamn! i should already be invested! YOU, HAD, AN ENTIRE OTHER SEVERAL HOURS TO INVEST ME - THE FIRST MOVIE! I DO CARE ABOUT HICCUP AND TOOTHLESS - and sure, his mom, what’s up with that, that’s exciting! but, we, the audience, ARE HICCUP - watching mom gush over her dragons and her friendship [while also going off on some WE WERE BORN DIFFERENT (BETTER) SWEETIE bullshit, that never gets addressed lol?] and she notices him almost by accident. the touch is sweet, we do see this moment of, oh.... right, my son... he, he is here too.. that’s good! 

then it just - okay, here’s dad, LOOK AT THEM AWWW

and hiccup does not know fuck all about this woman. but because we need to see their love for e/o [as it was invisible prior to this, besides the breastplate gag in movie 1] it has to be done. it’s nothing! it’s... nothing! there is nothing to be said, once you ask questions, because it is not prepared to answer you!

you are supposed to... sit there, and watch, and long, long, LONG into this trek of anti-storytelling does the climax happen - WHICH IS INTERRUPTED, BY OH NO! DAD’S DEATH... and hiccup’s VA, my god, the customer service, “we’re out of bbq sauce,” tone in which he carries, “i’m sorrry dad,” - 

that was it, i think, really. i tried to keep taking this movie seriously, afterwards, but i think that monotone goodbye to a SELFLESS [?????????] chief did me in. that was the knife - and the stupid, stupid, last-minute asspull with the baby dragons that doubles as a ha-ha isn’t that funny moment, and sheep pinball was the knife twisting

sheep pinball 

there is - nothing, to be said, here - this movie is not teaching your kids to “think for themselves,” because - hiccup is wrong! both of his parents are right! drago can’t be reasoned with! THERE IS NO NUANCE HERE! NO MORAL! it’s a movie to eat popcorn to, sip soda, and talk about how cool the designs were and awh man isn’t his mom AWESOME and oh no i cried when his dad died -

rather than 

idk

anything of substance, beyond the food in your stomach. 

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[neeterloveschenford]

THOUGHTS ON RNM 3x08

Wow! What an amazing episode!!! I think I have watched it 5 times now.ed And watched all the Malex scenes on youtube repeatedly. Stopped and stared at every gifset I’ve run across. It’s just been an amazing feeling knowing that we won people!!! Malex is back and I honestly don’t think they will be going back. It’s really, finally their time. But I’m going to save them til last because there will be so much flailing! So I’m going to start with the only thing that I had a real problem with in this episode. Why does no one care about Kyle? I’m positive that they know about him. Alex wouldn’t drop everything he dropped in this episode without letting them know where Kyle is. And there is a very bad habit with this show of telling instead of showing. And I totally get why Maria is the priority at the moment. Kyle is presumably stable and being taken care of by Eduardo, while Maria was deteriorating while she was “possessed” by Jones. But still, a little “Hey Alex, how’s my brother?” from Rosa would not have been remiss. But, I guess I just have to take a step back and remember that this is RNM and old habits are hard to break with them apparently.

Now. Let’s move on to the things I loved. I know there was so much hate and salt thrown Maria’s way because she’s rarely written the way she should be. And of course there was all of last season that made a lot of people loathe and despise her. I’ve had my moments where I never wanted to see her on my screen again, but then I took a step back and realized I was putting all of my hatred and upset onto a fictional character. Maria is not the person who wrote such a crappy story for her last season. I think we can all agree that Maria was Carina’s self-insert character. But I decided that I was going to move past my anger and try and embrace her this season. Admittedly, it’s been up and down. I think there have been times when she has definitely been used too much, and times when she was never fleshed out. But this episode her story revolved around what I have always thought was the most interesting part about her. Her heritage. I’ve always been interested in Patricia and what happened to her at Caulfield. To see how she worked with Nora to build the Lockhart machine was great! And then to find out how she was injected with the alien chemicals after Lockhart figured out she was actually helping the people she was supposed to be injecting, that was awesome. I’m glad Maria got to find out more about her family’s past. Now I’m left wondering if Arturo has a past interaction with aliens or a connection to Caulfield. So far we’ve learned about the Valentis, the DeLuca’s and the Manes families. Now we need to find out about the Ortecho’s.

Next I would like to talk about all of the wonderful interactions between the women. I was feeling so much girl power emanating from my tv screen! I don’t care what anyone says, I love the friendships between Liz and Isobel, Isobel and Rosa, Rosa and Maria, Isobel and Maria, and Liz and Maria. They were amazing. I can’t wait to see more of their interactions. I think all of the women (frankly, all of the characters) have grown so much this season. I love the bonds of sisterhood that have formed between our ladies! They were all so supportive and caring with each other. It’s like Maria said, she wasn’t alone, she had her sisters with her! And when Liz said the three women I love, I wanted to cry. They have all come so far this season. Is everything perfect? No. But it’s so much better than it has been. I just want more, more, more.

Liz got to be her badass science self again. I loved the fact that she talked to the horse the entire episode. Sometimes we just have to bounce ideas off of somebody. Why not a horse? And the way she figured out how to disconnect Jones from Maria using Rosa’s new powers was perfection. She really got to see a new side to Rosa this time. I’m so glad that we are getting these wonderful Ortecho sister moments!

Isobel is a bamf! She took on Jones without a moments hesitation and totally kicked his ass! I love her so much! She has grown so confident in her abilities. And the fact that the one moment of doubt she had was when Rosa swooped in with pod Yoda wisdom was exactly what she needed. They are one of my favorite friendships on the show.

And my last thing before I fall down the Malex rabbit hole. My dudes. Get over the hug already! It has been canon the entire time that Alex still thinks of Maria as one of his best friends. As much as y’all want her to have her reckoning for 2x06, it’s not going to happen. If it bothers you so much that all you can do after so much wonderfulness, is complain about Maria, then you need to really think about whether or not this is the show for you. She is not going anywhere anytime soon. Yes, she still annoys me sometimes, but I can put that aside and love the show despite her. I don’t mean to be harsh, but there is just too much negativity out there.

So now for the good stuff. (Rubs hands together.) OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!

I cannot believe that we won! We’ve lost so many times. But now WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS! We were given a feast with this episode. I mean in the first five minutes we have Alex coming clean to Michael about joining Deep Sky. And instead of blowing up and walking away, Michael actually listened. And what Alex said about making a world where Michael didn’t have to live in fear for the both of them? I nearly died then and there. I seriously could have just had that moment and been happy. The eyebrow flirting was so cute. Then we get it again when they are trying to figure out where Jones was. The heart eyes coming from Michael was glorious. He was so proud of his man and his hacking skills. And we got dorky eyebrow flirting again! Then we have that scene where we learn why Alex is the way he is. I know there has been a lot said about him having a white saviour complex with the story of Omar, but I’ve heard similar stories from actual vets. We tend to let our own feelings about the military cloud our feelings for the men and women who serve. I’m glad that they finally showed Alex’s PTSD. He holds himself away from people because he knows what it’s like to lose people. And Michael rubbing his cheek like that. I almost died again. I just love them so much. And then we get the scene where Alex stops Michael from trying to take the sword from Jones. Him grabbing Michael’s hand like that was downright sexual. I need to fan myself. That’s chemistry folks! And then we get Alex hitting Jones with the truck! What a great parallel with Michael hitting Jesse with his cane. Those boys will do anything to protect each other.

And then we have that scene. SO MUCH GOODNESS! Alex telling Michael about the Lockhart machine. Michael admitting that he knows that he probably won’t get clearance to work on the project. Alex saying he will tell him everything anyway. Our boys have grown so much this season! And the way Michael took off his hat to kiss Alex. I just felt so much in that moment. That kiss was so soft and sweet. When they pulled away, the way Alex looked up at Michael with so much longing was just uh! And Michael’s little exhale and smile. He knows exactly how to put Alex at ease. And then the hug. I am ready to cry right now just thinking about it. I know many people think it was too much too soon, but I beg to differ. This is how I’ve always seen things happening. Once they were both on the same page, it was bound to go down exactly like this. They have so much history and passion between them. And now they can finally admit to each other and themselves that there is no one else in the universe for each other. Their love is so strong. Why shouldn’t they acknowledge their feelings while growing closer. In the end I think it will only make them stronger.

So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I can’t wait til we get worried boyfriend Michael in the next episode. It’s going to be awesome! Till next time my friends!

[cruciatusforeplay]

This is part two of a hella big post. Check out part one here. These are all a lot more recent, so I'm gonna try to be less spoilery, but there are gonna be some.

A not-so-brief history of Hawkeye in Comics Part Two (spoilers below the cut)

A note on events, dying and doubling down on Hawkeyes

Comics love doing big events, and I'm not covering them in here. Partly because they are huge and complex and to just focus on Hawkeye would be an injustice to the stories, but also because the amount of stuff I would need to spoil would be way beyond just a little Hawkeye. Clint was involved in Secret Wars (1984), which was one of the first crossover events of its kind. Another notable era is 2004-2009, where there is an incredible amount of superhero politics driving big narratives. If you're new to comics, you might not know that characters dying is common and rarely permanent. This is relevant because while I said that I wouldn't talk about events, I think it would be pretty uncool to not mention that Hawkeye dies and is brought back to life (Avengers Disassembled, House of M, New Avengers #26). It's around here that Clint picks up the Ronin mantle.

This is also when Dark Reign/Dark Avengers is going on. For anyone who'd like some Clint whump from this era, there's a top notch naked torture scene in New Avengers Annual (2009). Clint is involved in several other big events and crossovers over later years, but that's definitely a seperate list.

In the time where Clint is dead, Captain America is hanging out with a group of newly formed Young Avengers, including archery badass Kate Bishop. Cap suggests to her that she take up the Hawkeye mantle and gives her Clint's old bow. After Clint returns, he becomes initially her mentor, before they form a very close friendship. Clint is initially doing Ronin things, but even when he lays down ninja robes, they decide to be very Hawkeye about the whole thing and both keep calling themselves Hawkeye, despite the obvious confusion this causes.

Hawkeye's ears: Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #0-4 (2014)

This is a fun little miniseries that you could treat as a Halloween special if you so desired. It's set in the time after Fraction's run and there are a few callbacks, but nothing major if you've not read that. Clint is a little short-tempered and hypermasculine in this run for my personal taste, but it's got lots of grumpy Clint Vs sassy Wade while they vaguely attempt to team up. The thing this run does really well is Clint's deafness, despite the lack of visible hearing aids. There are comments around lip-reading, wearing aids when wearing other headgear, there's some sign language, and this is the run where Deadpool pulls his mask up so Clint can lipread and see his face while he signs (facial expressions are really key in sign language). It's lovely. Otherwise the run gives you a Kate cameo, some Deadpool and Hawkeye disaster/shenanigans, and perhaps most importantly, the return of the skycycle.

Key background: All New Hawkeye #1-6 (2015)

This run is often overlooked, but the art in the flashbacks is beautiful. We get some key information around Clint and Barney's abusive home situation - with their dad who drank and beat them, and how they ended up in care after their parents died, and subsequently their early days in the circus. There is a definite shift in how Barney is characterized as a bad influence compared to the 2003 run. It parallels with the rest of the arc which focuses on Clint and Kate Bishop working together to get some kids out of a very bad situation. The rest of Lemires run is a little weird and has no major repurcussions for anyone except Barney (which I won't elaborate on because it's relevant to the Fraction run).

Back to your roots: Tales of Suspense #100-104 (2017)

Seeing Clint cycle back and return to Tales of Suspense is really lovely. This comic is one of my all time favourites. It's incredibly tight story-telling with a great plot and really fun dynamic. The premise is Clint and Bucky teaming up to figure out the body trail being left after Black Widow's death. Clint is obnoxious and a delightful mess, Bucky is sporting a permanent scowl and is hilariously level-headed. It's a lot of fun and it's a lovely build on the tension and teamwork between these two idiots (who I, as an avid Winterhawk shipper, am completely gone for, but even without that, this is a great comic.) It also has some killer covers, and the facial expressions are absolutely hilarious.

Hawkeyes together: Hawkeye #13-16 (2017) and West Coast Avengers #1-10 (2018)

The Hawkeye run is Kate Bishops run and it has a larger continuing storyline that runs from the beginning of her Hawkeye and way into WCA, but I've listed the issues that you'll want for Kate and Clint shenanigans, and you should be able to catch up without the rest if you don't want it. These comics are ridiculously fun, especially West Coast Avengers, which has Kate leading the team this time. There's loads of jokes, and it strikes a nice balance between Hawkeyes being disasters and being hyper competent. Truthfully, this is Kate's show, and Clint takes a backseat, but their dynamic is killer here so I think is deserves a mention. There are also plenty of Clint related wardrobe malfunctions and Lucky the Pizza Dog is around.

Our most recent boy: Hawkeye freefall #1-6 (2020)

I haven't read this one yet, but it's been extremely well received by the fandom. As a result, good news: no spoilers! It's a short run, which may have had something to do with it being published during 2020, and specifically around a time when Marvel were experiencing some major distribution issues (which would have led to digital release only and as a result lower sales), but that's all guesswork because I haven't actually researched it. This run has someone dressing as Ronin and letting Clint take the blame for their nefarious deeds (oh no!). Clint makes some classic Clint (read: dumpster fire) decisions, and the art looks fun and vibrant. Can't really give you more without reading it myself 😅 If you need more Clint still, he's also rumoured to be knocking around in the 2020 Black Widow run, but I've not had the money to get my mitts on that yet either.

Notable AUs:

Marvel is a big fan of throwing a well known cast into an alternative universes, so there are a few other places to look for him.

The Ultimates universe was largely speaking a bit of a shitshow, but they did give us a very dark and gritty Clint, so if that's your jam, ultimate hawkeye is the place to be. Old Man Hawkeye appears alongside Old Man Logan, and they are both, you guessed it, old. It's not the only time we get Clint as a wrinkly dude (the second half Lemire's run also has some timey-wimey stuff happening), but this is a version of Clint who is going blind (granted we've seen that before too, but this is a darker vibe than Blindspot). Wanna know who the greatest marksman is without his sight - old man Hawkeye for you! Finally there's the Zombie 'verse: zombie Clint is a little confused, but he's got the spirit. Clint got zombiefied and then left in some rubble as only a head for 40 years before getting picked up, so he's a little worse for wear. If you need that in your life then Marvel Zombies is your universe. For a full rundown of all the universes including animated and MCU, click here.

Notable aliases:

Clint's been a few other people than Hawkeye in the 616 universe (the main Marvel Comics universe). He used one of Hank Pyms growth serums and became a giant strongman in Avengers #63 (1969) and stuck around in his Goliath form for more than a few issues. After Cap had died, Clint returned from the dead and tried on Captain America for all of one issue in Fallen Son #3 (2007). He decided (with a little help from Kate) that it wasn't right to wear the uniform, which in turn led to some interesting tension between him and Bucky Barnes when Buck did become the new Captain America. Finally, there's his most well-known alternate persona: Ronin. Clint becomes Ronin after returning from the dead, wanting a break from his Hawkeye persona and an opportunity to become Ronin arises in New Avengers #27 (2007). Clint is not the only person to have used these aliases. Additionally, Hawkeye has been used not only by Clint and Kate Bishop, but also by Bullseye during the Dark Reign.

The things we haven't talked about

Like I said at the very beginning, there is a lot of Clint Barton knocking around in comics and even with all this there's a lot of content I haven't focused on. For instance, I've not talked a lot about his relationships, beyond his marriage to mockingbird (and really I only scratched the surface with that), and honestly once you start getting into interpersonal relationships we're starting to move on from what can be done in a Tumblr thread.

There are also some topic specific threads floating around, which you might like to look at too.

@vaguelyrotten has done a run down of some great dumpster fire Clint Barton comics (some of which I haven't listed) and you can see that here.

@bobbimorses did a great summary of Clint's historical deafness for instance which you can find here.

There's also this little bit all about Clint and Bucky in canon (thanks to @nightwideopen ) and how Winterhawk became a thing (thanks to @1000-directions )

This is slight sidenote, but @clintscoffeepot did a really great comprehensive of Fraction Clint's apartment which is just a really useful writing resource and you can get that here.

There is also this website which I stumbled across fairly far into writing this post which does actually look like it might be comprehensive.

If I've missed anything major, or listed something incorrectly or you just have some Clint related opinions that I need to know about, do hit me up.

[this-is-such-a-bad-decision]

TMA Epilogue X Critical Role Crossover (Good Cows Edition)

Want to write this fic, gonna make it a post instead because I will never make the time for it otherwise.  Spoilers up to the most recent episode for both shows. (TMA Finale and Ep 131 Critical Role.)

We at the Blooming Grove with the Clay family.

Been like two hours since the Mighty Nein went to stop an evil city, little tense but Clays know how to chill, sipping tea around their little table

Clarabelle comes bursting into the house, “TWO DUDES JUST APPEARED OUT OF THIN AIR COVERED IN SHINY BLACK STUFF also they’re bleeding”

Rest of the family comes stampeding out, indeed there are two bleeding humans on the lawn (Martin got hit by debris when the Panopticon collapsed, Jon has been stabbed, y’know) tangled up in tape

Cornelius and Calliope go make sure the Grove isn’t under attack while Constance gives the boys some healing, tries to ask what’s going on but no one speaks the same language (Jon is no longer connected to the Eye so no cheat codes)

JMart pass out from inter-dimensional jet-lag, Clays clean them up and put them to bed

Martin wakes up in the middle of the night while Cornelius is keeping watch (Clays are welcoming but these guys are strangers) and is like “ah, so the giant cow people weren’t a hallucination.”

Language barrier is still there but tea is universal; Cornelius makes some for Martin, ends up holding Martin through some tears as everything that’s happened catches up at once

Good thing the Clays know how to help people in mourning

Martin goes back to sleep, Jon and Martin wake up in the morning and get to be happy and cry about being alive and safe together

Soon as that part’s over thing’s get heavy cause MAG 200 was A LOT and it’s gonna be a bit before either of them are okay with how everything went down

The Clays are very kind and gentle and it only makes Jon feel worse

“Martin. This is the good cow world. We brought evil to the good cows.”

Tbh Jmart were more expecting parallel universes instead of this, but alright

Eventually they start exploring the Grove. It’s a little unnerving when they realize this place is a graveyard, even more unnerving when they realize this place and the Clays are clearly magical (since the only magic in their world is evil), and super unnerving when they realize this place is surrounded by an evil enchanted forest that the Clays won’t let them walk into alone

But no one tries to hurt them or eat them so they settle in and try to figure out where they are going to go from here

Corrin and Colton get back after a couple days, Constance introduces them to the newcomers and then tells Corrin everything about The Mighty Nein and the evil floating city

The next day Corrin prepares the cleric spell Tongues, pulls Jon and Martin aside and casts it on herself so they can have a conversation

Jon ends up confessing everything for the sake of warning them about the evil he’s unleashed on their world (Martin thinks he should hold back A LITTLE BIT for the sake of avoiding an angry mob but Jon gets into his story-telling flow)

Corrin: “Is one of the Fears a giant screaming city floating in the void?” Jon: “What”

Corrin is exasperated by this new wave of bad news, Jon is bemused to learn that his world’s baggage only takes 2nd place for Impending Eldritch Threats

Corrin tells Jon that they’re going to wait for her nephew and his friends to get home, they’ll probably have a better idea how to deal with this problem than she does, in the meantime she’ll see what guidance the Wildmother can offer

Cue Jon and Martin having a million questions on the cosmology of this world, Corrin casts Tongues on him so he can go bother the rest of her family while she goes to meditate.

A week or two passes with Jon and Martin processing their trauma, talking through their differences, and slowly learning more about the world. The revelation that there are non-evil gods is a nice one.

The world doesn’t end, The Mighty Nein return, Jon and Martin realize this is not a world solely made up of cow people

The Nein are VERY grumpy to learn that a new problem has popped up while they were gone, but they agree to take Jmart with them to speak with their various high-powered connections about this threat

The Mighty Nein is a BIG culture shock for Jon and Martin after a couple weeks of chilling with the Clays (not to say the Clays aren’t weird, but their weird is easier to ignore if you can’t speak the language, and I think they are better behaved around guests)

Caduceus is now in charge of Tongues the same way Jester is in charge of Sending

The Nein are varying amounts of sympathetic to what has happened to Jon and Martin considering they now have to deal with the consequences, but I think they generally settle on a similar reaction that they had to Caleb, which is that it’s not your fault if you were manipulated into it; Jon has a hard time accepting this.

The Mighty Nein makes the rounds (Cobalt Soul, Yussa, etc.) (yes, Yussa is fine, no, he’s not going to help with this problem, he’s going to nap for a million years) before getting back to Allura

(At this point various institutions have started to notice an increase in monster sightings and strange new cults popping up worshiping unfamiliar gods)

Allura is ALSO very exasperated to learn about new gods trying to assert themselves, ends up calling in her people

Yup, enter Vox Machina

I’m going to skip a bunch of stuff now because I’m getting tired of typing (also spoilers for the Vox Machina arc going forward)

But basically they do some magic bullshit, follow a similar road map as their solution to Vecna, and they use Jon’s voice (which webbed the Fears up to be dragged into this world in the first place) to pin down the Fears and throw them beyond the divine gate

The Fears proceed to get their asses kicked by Sarenrae and the Wildmother and the Stormlord and all the rest

Not so tough now are ya bitches

Web didn’t even consider that other worlds might have things strong enough to kill it

Got used to a world that didn’t have any gods of love and hope and now you don’t know how to handle it

Anyway, Jon and Martin settle into their new world, get to learn whatever dope D&D magic they want, and live happily ever after.

Feel free to write this if anyone is inspired, the only requirement is that you let me know when it’s posted cause I would love to read it.

[artxmisery]

🌻🌻🌻SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE

okie dokie i'm a month late to this but WHATEVER time to talk about destiny stuff this will be a not-insignificant length so i'm gonna put the rest under a read more

ok i wanna talk about the vex but there are a few things to get through first quick background on the cosmology of destiny: there are two primordial forces, the gardener and the winnower, representing light and dark respectively. they existed before time and the universe as we know it in a place hereafter referred to as the first garden. in the garden (which is not a garden and not the only garden significant to this post) the two played the flower game. basically a big ol version of conway's game of life. however, they were also not playing the flower game? and just normally gardening in a metaphysical way. but back to the flower game. in the unveiling lore book, the winnower speaks to the player directly and a bunch of this info is from there. conway's game of life resembles their flower game "as a seed resembles the star that fed the flower and all the life that made it." it's not 100% clear whether each flower is a universe of its own or just a nebulous piece of cosmically important information, but the flowers are super important. flowers come back repeatedly as a symbol of the winnower, especially red flowers. another big concept in the grander story of the game is the final shape, i.e. the thing that will conquer the universe and be the last thing that exists as it ends. it's the ultimate following of the sword logic (which isn't particularly important here, basically just might makes right but on magic steroids) and lots of people are trying to be it or figure out what it is. what we, the players, know is that there was a successful pattern in the flower game that always won. in other words, the final shape. in the aforementioned unveiling lore book, we learned that this pattern survived the destruction of the first garden that lead to the creation of our universe. the details of that conflict aren't important here (although i'd recommend reading the unveiling lore book if this is at all interesting to you) but that pattern managed to make it out. for the first however long of the universe, it was basically just an untethered mathematical pattern running around in the quantum foam. as the universe cooled down and coalesced it turned into crystals in the water of comets, which then provided a space for them to become something like life. from there, they fell into the ocean(s) of planet(s) (details on whether they appeared in parallel or just once aren't super clear or conflicting). from here we need to go on a slight tangent to keep talking about the biological origins of the vex. there's this huge company that existed during the golden age called clovis bray, named after the dude who founded it, clovis bray i. basically, this guy is space jeff bezos but arguably more shitty. he wants to become immortal and experimented on his son, clovis bray ii, but ended up killing him in the process. i think you can see how much of an egomaniac he is at this point lol. on the moon, there was a group of scientists that found an anomaly connected to the darkness/winnower (a similar artefact is what we got the unveiling book from) that drove them mad with the signal it was trying to send. clovis gets wind of it, hears the signal and flies off to europa. the signal told him he'd find the secret to immortality there (and he did, sort of). part of said secret was the vex. during the golden age the vex were found/appeared/started existing but they weren't the enemy we've faced in the modern game, they were just curious. clovis steals a vex unit from the ishtar collective on venus (might come back to them later) and brings it to europa. it builds-organizes-forms a gateway to somewhere else. that somewhere else is volantis 2082. clovis goes through the gateway and discovers a solar system entirely converted into a forge. the star is engorged and being sustained with hydrogen in order to make metals. it's surrounded by a bunch of artificial satellite worlds where the vex are n where clovis and co ended up. anywho this is where clovis gets a closer look at the vex. so from him, we've got a more concrete idea of how they got from crystals in comets to the time-travelling robots we know and love. back to the biology stuff. basically the environment the vex evolved in was way earlier than our own, so heavy metals were so rare as to be nonexistent and harmful radiation was way more prevalent. because of this, predators never evolved from the vex. they just kept cooperating and feeding off cosmic radiation and whatnot. to protect themselves, they started making "armour", perhaps some sort of gel membrane initially? but then they started forming it out of silica, which is why their fluid is called radiolarian fluid and milky white. the vex continued to cooperate and developed more and more complex swarm behaviours, signalling different facts with different configurations of cells and structures. they aren't necessary sentient or sapient, but they definitely have cognition and intelligence. their way of thinking is so alien to us as to be undefinable. they also don't have a hive mind, per se, but their pattern is so fully repeated and embodied by each unit and larger mind that they work similarly. anyhow, their silica armour was further adapted into tools and structures ad infinitum, moving on to more durable materials as the collective knowledge of the vex increased. now, the vex don't necessarily have desires or goals or anything of the sort. their entire m.o. is to make everything fit the pattern. because they first evolved from that mathematical pattern from before time, they're able to exist as nothing more than information and then hijack matter to make more of themselves. clovis found this out the hard way, cause the vex started travelling through their calls and messages and stuff (and started infecting people, too). the vex are also extremely adept at simulating stuff since there's effectively no difference between a simulation of their pattern and the pattern itself (this comes up a la weeping angels once or twice). they are so good at it, in fact, that they can simulate nigh-infinite realities within their pattern. the simulations are equally as real as baseline reality and through that (i think?) are able to time travel and hop across timelines. that may be how they ended up in our solar system during the golden age. luckily for us, they're not perfect at it, otherwise, they would have always had won (wheeeee time tomfoolery). originally their goal was thought to be writing themselves into the rules of the universe and while that may still be part of it, they're also basically trying to make everything else vex. we have two examples of them turning whole worlds into vex machines/structures, one of which happened in like three days during the collapse (the darkness armageddon that ended the golden age). their architecture is super cool, highly recommend checking out concept art or in-game footage. the whole vex network spans an incomprehensible distance, although we don't have an exact number on that. they come into systems and build beachheads and pull themselves through space and time into the system. on mercury, which was what got converted in three days, they basically turned the whole planet into a giant simulation engine. they have some ridiculous teleportation technology and their weapons pull energy from distant stars through tiny gates. they've also got weapons like the vex mythoclast that pull energy from alternate timelines/loops of time/whatever. that about covers all the notable info about the vex, but there are some cool stories/places i want to touch on. the black garden is one, which is where the climax of the first game takes us. it's untethered in time and space, basically orphaned off from the rest of the universe. after we kill its heart, it ends up on mars. at some point between the end of d1 and shadowkeep in d2, it got untethered again and we go back for the garden of salvation raid. the black garden is referenced a bunch in some of the more cosmological/mythical lore and is the other important garden i mentioned right at the start. the vex have a bunch of cool stuff on venus, too, like the vault of glass. vog is basically where they test time travel stuff and ontological (i.e. reality-affecting) tech and weaponry. if they ever manage to make that stuff work outside the vault, we're toast. also on venus is the ishtar collective which was mentioned earlier, where a bunch of scientists found that a vex unit was simulating all of them hundreds of times over. they called in a super complex ai to help break out the simulations and those simulations went and explored the vex network and have shown up a couple times since. i'm sure i'm forgetting tons of other stuff, but this is wayyyy too long already. definitely hit me up if you wanna hear a quite frankly ridiculous amount of lore about a fictional universe/race lol anyways. thank you very much for the ask n i hope you enjoyed reading if you got this far

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

Crossing Parallel Lines- Sam Winchester x Reader: Chapter 11

******WARNING: The following may be a trigger to some readers! Please, read the author’s note and proceed with caution!********

A/N: Hello! Yes, I FINALLY updated this series since April! I know, it’s been a long time but I wanted this to be perfect. This was a hard chapter to write because I wrote about my own diagnosis and battle with anxiety. I wish I actually had Sam to be here for me when the battles get to be too much but I hope this brings comfort to anyone who is fighting mental illness. Please, get some help for yourself. I know it’s hard and it’s scary not knowing exactly what you’re feeling but it will be the best decision you ever make. I don’t like admitting I need help but I’m so glad I did it. This is how I cope, talking about it, but please don’t feel pressured.

Warnings: Angst, anxiety, panic attacks, mentions of medications, scary thoughts, slight mention of sex but no details, protective!Sam, fluff

Word Count: 2,767

Sam’s POV

When I sent y/n back to her universe, I ultimately thought that was the best decision for both of us. I know her life was less than perfect back home, but I knew she had a life. She has a job and a cat and a best friend so I figured she needed to go back to that lifestyle. That we would be able to follow the rules of the spell easily. We would have to wait an entire month until we could use the spell and see one another again and the week would be just enough time to be able to feel satisfied until the next reunion, but I was wrong. God was I wrong. At first, it was easy. Our first spell was magical, literally! Having y/n back in the Bunker was what we both needed; it had been too long. We spent every waking moment together and even when we slept, we were next to each other. But the week went by too fast and we had the agonizing task of having to say goodbye again and wait another month until we could be around each other. After nearly five months of doing this, I concluded that enough is enough!

“Hey, Dean,” I say, walking into his ‘Dean cave’ and interrupting what he was watching.

“Not now Sammy, the good stuff is on,” he says not even bothering to look at me. I turn behind me and see he’s watching porn, again, and I groan in frustration.

“Ah, Dean! Come on man, it’s 10 a.m.!” I roll my eyes as Dean proceeds to fight his point.

“That may be, but this stuff is always on, dude,” Dean argues back but I won’t let this stop my plans. Reaching over to grab the remote from off the armrest of the couch, I press the power button, and the screen went black.”

“Hey! Why did you do that?” Dean whines like a child to me.

“Because I need your help with something,” I start my case but am quickly interrupted.

“Look, Sam, whatever it is, it can wait,” Dean explains and reaches for the remote again.

“It’s about y/n!” I yell, causing my older brother to freeze.

“What about her? Is she okay?” Panic begins to flood Dean’s mind, it’s written all over his face, so I quickly settle his nerves.

“No, yeah, she’s fine, it’s just…I need her here man.”

“But it’s only been two weeks since you saw her last,” adds Dean, but I counter back.

“I know but it’s too long, Dean. I need her here, with me, all the time. I love her way too much to only see her once a month. I worry that she’s hurt or she’s sad and there isn’t anything I can do for her. I cannot physically be there for her and it’s killing me. She needs me, Dean. Especially right now.” I finish my small speech before Dean continues the discussion.

“What do you mean, especially now? Sam, you said she was okay but that doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong with y/n?!”

“It’s her head, Dean.”

“Her head?”

“Yeah, she has anxiety. She was just diagnosed not that long ago and it’s affecting her head. The medicine she takes, it really messes with her head and it causes panic attacks. She hasn’t been able to do much for the last 24 hours because her body is trying to keep up with the meds. And she’s scared, Dean. The meds are going to help her soon but she’s still in the introductory period and it’s being really hard on her. I-I need to be there with her. She needs me, Dean, and I’m no good if I’m stuck here.” I say, telling the truth about what y/n is going through.

“Whoa, I uh, I had no idea she was going through all that,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, just as sadden and surprised by the realization too.

“I didn’t either until I talked to her yesterday when she first got the medication. The doctor did a test on her, a survey really, and she rated how she was feeling on a scale of like 1 to 5, and out of twenty points, she scored 14. It’s pretty serious, man,” I say, holding back my tears that threatened to spill over. This was not the time for me to be emotional but to be strong for the woman I love. “She has no one else to help her through this, I need to be there.”

“But you can’t go there now, Sam. The lore specifically said it has to be every month and it’s only been two weeks,” Dean tells me the rules of the spell once more.

“Yeah, I know that Dean, but this is serious! My girlfriend is suffering through mental health issues and literally has no one else she can turn to. Callie went out of town with her family; I’m all y/n has!” I yell and that’s when my tears fled from my eyes. Without uttering a word, Dean walked over and hugged me. He could feel the sobs racking throughout my body and he knew this was important to me.

“Alright man, we’ll talk to Rowena. See if we can’t find another way around this spell. Hey, we found a way for you two to cross between two universes, I’m sure we can find a loophole so you can see her sooner,” Dean told me when I finally settled down.

“You think so?” I ask, sniffling back any more tears, wiping my jacket sleeve over my nose.

“Sure, I do. Come on Sammy, there’s nothing more powerful than love, right? I mean, I haven’t been in love with anyone in a really long time, but I do remember what it was like. And I know for damn sure, nothing would keep me from protecting that girl. So, now that you’re the one in love, and y/n has become like family to both of us, I don’t see why we can’t fight for her.”

“Thanks, Dean,” I say, a small string of hope suddenly washed over me, but it was enough to make me want to do this.

“I’ll call Rowena, you call y/n. Check-in on her and tell her I said hi too,” I nod to Dean as he walks into the next room.

I reach in my back pocket and pull out my phone. Pressing the power button, the screen lights up to show the first picture y/n and I took as a couple. She’s smiling so wide; her little cheekbones look like they might pop. I remember I had starting tickling her after she confessed how ticklish she was.

“No, no, Sam….don't you dare,” Y/N says, looking at my face as she slowly starts backing away from me.

“You know, babe, you really shouldn’t have told me you were ticklish. I am going to take advantage of this newfound information, I hope you know,” I tell her, growing increasingly closer to her.

“Sam, I’m telling you, stay away,” she says, still backing away from me, a devilish grin etched on my face. She was smiling at me too, knowing full well what she was getting into. She turned and began to run from me, but, being significantly taller than her, she didn’t get too far before I caught up to her, scooping her up in my arms and immediately tickling her. She squealed and laughed uncontrollably, as my fingers ran all over her stomach.

“SAM!” She screamed/laughed but I didn’t show any signs of slowing down, that is until she cried out that she couldn’t breathe.

“I told you, you shouldn’t have told me that,” I say as I bring into my side.

“I know but I want us to be fully open with each other. If this relationship is going to work, we have to tell each other everything, even if that means we have to suffer through something,” She threatening raised an eyebrow at me, showing off her attitude.

“What? That was worth it, seeing you laugh that hard was adorable. I mean, you were totally crying!”

She faked being angry with me until I turned her around and forced her to look up at me.

“That is a side of you I hope I always get to see,” I say and lean down to kiss her. When we broke apart, she brought out her phone and wanted to snap a selfie. She smiled her wide, beautiful smile, as I looked at her lovingly, and she took the picture.

I clicked on her name and put the phone to my ear. It began ringing and I held my breath. Come on baby, pick up. Please, pick up.

“Sam.” She spoke my name and I could tell she had just been crying.

“Hi baby, are you okay? You sound like you had been crying,” I spoke in the softest tone I could, knowing just how fragile she was, and she began crying again.

“I h-have been. I-I-I j-just miss you. I-I n-need y-you,” she cried into the phone, my heartbreaking as she did so.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry I’m not there right now, but I promise, I’m coming, okay? Please baby, be strong for me, okay? Just hold on a little longer. We’re working on a way for me to come see you sooner. My beautiful girl, please hang in there. I’m coming, I will be there with you soon.” I spoke, holding my composure together. I knew that if I didn’t it would only make things harder on her, and I couldn’t do that to her. I needed to help her, not make things worse.

“I-I l-love y-you, Sammy,” she mutters out, and then, I hear the phone drop.

“Y/N?! Baby?! DEAN!” I hear the silence on the other end and knew she wasn’t there. As fast I could, I jump up and run into the kitchen, where Dean was helping Rowena mix up a concoction of God knows what.

“What happened, Sam?” Dean asks, taking in my distraught look.

“It’s y/n, the line dropped. Oh my God, Dean, what if she’s trying to hurt herself or worse, kill herself?” I panic pace around the room.

“Sam, you need to calm down. You don’t know that. It’s y/n, she wouldn’t take her own life. She loves you too much,” Dean says, trying to rationalize with me.

“But that was it, Dean, she told me she loved me and then the line dropped,” I argue back and before Dean could put in a rebuttal, Rowena stepped in.

“Here Samuel, drink this quick. You don’t have a lot of time! You only have a thirty-second window to take this before we’d have to make this again,” I downed the drink before she even finished explaining.

We all sat and waited, time seemingly dragging on, before a blinding light enclosed around me, temporarily knocking me out. When I finally came too, I slowly stood up and saw y/n’s house before me. It worked. I said a thank you to Castiel, not even sure if he was listening, and ran up to the house. Jingling the doorknob, it was locked. Damnit, y/n, you just have to be safe right now. Quick on my feet, I grab my tool and begin picking the lock, soon opening the door. I run inside and back to the far right of the apartment, where y/n’s bedroom was.

“Y/N?! Where are you, baby?!” I yell, scanning the room for any sight of her but it was empty.

“Y/N?!” I yell again and heard an ‘ow!’ followed by some banging coming from the kitchen. I dart out of the room into the living room, where she ended up walking out into. She must’ve been baking; her face and hair were covered in flour.

“Sam!” She yells, and rushes over to me, jumping up and wrapping her smaller frame around me.

“Y/N, you’re okay!” I say, my heart rate beginning to slow when I noticed she wasn’t in immediate danger.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, I’ve been sad a lot lately, but I’m okay,” she had pulled back to look at me.

She probably knew I was a wreck, pushing hair out of my face, and placing her hand on my cheek. I melt into her touch, not realizing just how much I craved it. I looked in her eyes, seeing just how red and swollen they were from crying, but she was smiling now. And without wasting any more time, I push my lips on hers, eagerly showing her just how much I missed her. She kissed me back with as much desperation as I had, surprising me that she had the energy to keep up with me. My lips find their way to her neck, kissing and gently biting the skin there, leaving my mark on her. A little moan escaped past her lips and I took advantage of that, by kissing her lips once more, my tongue pushing its way into her mouth. I could feel and taste every part of her mouth, but that wasn’t enough. Backing up to her room, I push the door open, careful not to break the kiss with her, and guided us to her bed. She falls back and temporarily breaks out kiss so she could lift her shirt over her head. My eyes quickly scan over her half-exposed body before she brings me back into a kiss. My hands roam over her chest as I felt dizzy with each touch. I knew this was something we both have wanted for a long time but I wasn’t sure this was the time for it.

“Wait, are you sure you want to do this tonight? I mean, you’ve been so upset the last two days,” I say as I take in the sight of a sad girl before me.

“Yes, I have, but I need to start feeling better and the only way I can think of, is being with you. You told me in the letter when you sent me back here, that you wanted to make love to me. I want you to make love to me tonight, Sam,” she said without an ounce of doubt in her voice. I attach my lips to hers once again, and I follow through with my promise.

When we settled back down for the night, I brought her as close to me as humanly possible and had her talk to me. She told me about everything she was feeling, why she felt like she needed to be put on medicine, and all the demons she was fighting in her head.

“My sweet girl, I am so sorry. I didn’t know you were fighting this,” I admit, trying to look at her in the darkness.

“How could you? You weren’t here when my symptoms really came to ahead. I mean, as I’ve done more research, I’ve noticed things in me that I used to feel like a kid, too, so I guess I’ve always had it. I just didn’t know what to do about it, or how to express how I was feeling. It wasn’t common when I was growing up but I’m getting help for it. And now, I have you and Dean, and Cas, to talk to, I hope.”

“Of course, you have us to talk to. We don’t want you to fight this alone. Please come and talk to us, whenever you feel yourself going into a panic attack, or even if you just feel sad, come get me. If it’s three in the morning, wake me up. I’ll drop anything and listen to you; you’re not alone,” I say, kissing her forehead, as she snuggled up against me.

“Thank you, Sam. I’m glad you’re with me for this. I don’t know how I’m going to be in the next few weeks, but I’m sorry in advance,” she says.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, y/n. You have an invisible war going on in your head; you just need help dealing with it. I will come right alongside you and will fight your battles with you. I love you so much, baby girl,” I say, taking her hand in mine and encouraging her to try and sleep. I can only imagine she hasn’t been able to get too much rest with all the new things going on with her. But no matter what may happen, I will be committed to helping her through every hard time. She was that important to me.

 Crossing Parallel Lines tag list: @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @lilulo-12​ @simpleboox​

Additional tag list: @tloveswriting​ @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams​ @marvelfansworld​  @67-chevy-baby​ @juju-la-tortue​ @hunting-the-grievers​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​

Potentially new readers tag list (you can catch up here with my masterlist)  @angeredcrow​ @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2​ @deansmyapplepie​

Previous chapter 

INBOX IS OPEN!

[ckret2]

idk if someone actually finally sent this ask but i'mma do it since it seems people are dancing around it: if you're comfortable with it, may we have some radiosnake sexual headcanons (wherein alastor is not sexually repulsed or is demisexual/grey-ace ofc)?? love, a very happy demisexual who just finished a cold day in hell literally two minutes ago

You win the prize for "actually has the courage to directly ask for sexual headcanons" because no, nobody else has asked yet. Sorry for taking so long to answer it but like... the answer is over 2000 words. Have fun.

Now, anon, I've got something important you should know.

When I brainstorm radiosnake stuff, there's a little chatroom I do it in. What happens is, a lot of times, I'll come up with a scene or a scenario or a plot arc, and I'll describe it to that chat. And then, every once in a while, I'll say, "... and then here's how that same thing goes over in the parallel universe where Alastor Fucks." I have. A looot of little ideas set in the parallel universe where Alastor Fucks.

(He's still somewhere on the ace spectrum in all those ideas—either he's demi or else he's sex-neutral/sex-positive ace, depending on the idea—but he does Fuck.)

However, 1) a majority of these ideas are very clearly set specifically in CDIH's verse, and so I don't wanna share them as broad "radiosnake headcanons" when they're tied to one specific fanfic; and 2) a lot of them are angsty, and if you're asking for general headcanons then I'm assuming what you probably want is them actually having a good time rather than several decades of self-induced suffering over unrequited desire. So if you want CDIH-specific stuff and/or angsty stuff (or, more likely, CDIH-specific angsty stuff), hit me up again and I'll share some more stuff. For now, I'll talk about more general non-angsty headcanons.

Okay so most of this answer is geared toward Alastor's perspective since it's like, it's the more interesting one to me in this context, he's the one gradually figuring stuff out while Sir Pent's hanging out being allo with over a century of having his sexuality sorted out.

So that you know what kinda headcanons I'm rolling with here: there's, like, several ways I can conceptualize Alastor's orientation in my head, and they're sorta ranked by how "true" they are to me. Not "true" as in "how canon I think they are," but "true" as in, like, what Feels the Most Right to me.

The #1 Most True version of Alastor in my head is 100% ace/aro. He's not "repulsed" by sex (or romance, for that matter) in the sense of "disgusted/horrified/never ever wants to hear about it," but he, like, has absolutely zero interest in DOING it. He's not repulsed by the subject but he is by most touch, including the kind of touching necessary for sex. Might have some, like, academic curiosity about sex & romance, might enjoy it in a fictional context simply for the drama it adds to a story, but has no desire to be a participant. He can listen to a friend talk about their sexual escapades in graphic detail for an hour without an ounce of discomfort but if they offer him a quick peck on the lips he goes "I'm out." He might have sex Once just to see what it's like/just to say he has and that’s where his curiosity ends.

So that's my mental Most True Version Of Alastor.

The SECOND most true version of Alastor is like, the exact same as that, except he's just barely demiromantic enough that he might, once, fall in love. The odds of him falling in love are the same as someone's odds of winning the lottery. This is the version of Alastor I use in CDIH and other radiosnake fics, where Sir Pentious happens to have been lucky enough to win the lottery, but also, it took fifteen years before it happened. Alastor's feelings about touch & sex are the same, EXCEPT that whoever he loves is excluded from the Touch Is Unpleasant rule, which opens up a few more possibilities.

And I've got more mental versions of Alastor but that's as far as we need to go to be relevant to this post.

So given the above: Alastor's natural internal pool of Enjoyable Physical Activities that he would be autonomously inclined to want to try with Sir Pentious is broader than "nothing at all" but stops short of actual sex. More like sensual activities.

The not-necessarily-sexual sensual things that are obviously & immediately available on Alastor’s Selectable Menu Of Romantic Physical Activities are gonna be things like:

--Cuddles! We're starting as vanilla as possible, folks. Cuddling and sleeping in bed together. 95% naked cuddles are acceptable, although Alastor is inclined to keep his underpants on. Moving to "underpants" from "underpants AND undershirt" is a Notable Intimacy Milestone for him because like Back In His Day undershirts were part of the required underwear, so to him that's taking off 50% of his underwear. It's like switching from loose boxers to a thong. On the other hand Sir Pent is just, totally nude, because look at him he already isn't wearing any pants, he's got nothing to hide.

--Massage! Neither one of them is any sort of professional but tbh on a scale of 1 to 10 a massage can be as bad as a 3 and still be enjoyable y'know? Alastor tends to offer if he notices Sir Pent is sore and/or if Alastor has decided he's gonna be in Extreme Over-The-Top Performatively* Romantic Mode tonight. He always sort of forgets that the option of being massaged exists until Sir Pent offers it in return, because, like, he thinks of himself as a floating radio voice with an inconvenient meat puppet attached, sometimes he forgets that the meat puppet can be pampered too. And then he sits there in a blissed-out daze while Sir Pent goes holy crap your shoulders are like oak, how have you not snapped your own spine with tension yet.

(*Note here when I say Alastor can get "performatively" romantic I don't mean "going through the motions but isn't feeling the love"; I mean that, like, basically NO romantic gestures come naturally to him because he just isn't feeling the gestures even though he's definitely feeling the love. He's sort of figuring out How To Perform Romance As An Action by drawing on how he's seen it done in books/movies/etc. and picking & choosing the things that seem most fun to him to do. So in a sense he is performing a role that he's conscious of when he interacts with Sir Pent romantically, but that's because "performing a role" is how Mr. Perpetual Radio Host approaches all of life—and he's only performing this one because he genuinely wants to and because he's enjoying it.)

--Body worship! Alastor is really deeply squicked out by touching someone's skin/hair/fur but on the other hand (and maybe specifically because it avoids the squick) he is really deeply fascinated by Sir Pentious's scales, which feel Not At All Like Mammal Skin. He also still does the "??? oh right, I have a body too" thing when Sir Pent returns the attention—but Alastor's like, okay, I’m obviously more familiar with my own body than Sir Pent is, I don’t find my body that interesting but it must still be interesting to Sir Pent.

--Showering together! Sir Pent has figured out that if he starts singing in the shower there is a 99% chance that Alastor will trip over his own pants trying to simultaneously strip down and run to the bathroom so that he can join in on SHOWER DUET TIME. Frankly it's a lot safer to just go "hey I'm about to take a shower, wanna join?" but sometimes he doesn't just to see how fast Alastor shows up.

--Kissing! Making out is completely and always an option. Three of Alastor's most defining character traits are being a radio host (which kind of reduces a person to their voice), his perpetual smile, and his cannibalism. Like 80% of this dude's existence revolves around his mouth. He's absolutely got some kind of oral fixation. He gets into making out—as long as it's with the right person. There is exactly one right person. Sir Pent is okay with this.

Other enjoyable mouth activities:

- Kissing places other than the mouth

- Being kissed in places other than the mouth

- Biting

- Being bitten

And there's the overall list of non-sexual sensual activities that Alastor is into!

... And then eventually at some point Sir Pent is like "no pressure but hhhhypothetically sssspeaking are there possibly any sexual activities you might be interested in trying out" and Alastor is like "What? Oh! Right! Actually forgot sex existed for a bit. Yeah sure fine let’s try it." And that's the point at which they start experimenting with activities beyond Alastor's default activities!

Despite just about everything else with mouths being good, things Alastor is NOT into:

- Blowjobs

They did try. It seemed like a logical starting point. Alastor was like "I've liked putting my mouth everywhere else on this snake, it stands to reason I'll like putting it there too!" He got himself psyched up. He faced down The Dicks. He went, hmm. He stuck his tongue out and poked one.

He went "Yeah this isn't happening."

And Sir Pent went "Honestly you've already surpassed my wildest dreams just by getting that far."

They tried it the other way around too and Alastor went "Yyyye... hmmm... nnnnnooo no, no, don't think so. Not into that at all."

And it took him all of five seconds to reject the mere possibility of ever trying rimming, and the only reason it took that long to reject is because first Sir Pent had to explain what that is.

But everything else with mouths is great! Like. Everything. Sir Pent could go "can you lick my eyeball" and Alastor would go "which one? :)" (Sir Pent would probably not ask for this. But the point is he could.)

Figuring out Alastor's acceptable/enjoyable sex acts was a lot of experimentation like the above with BJs. And what they figured out is: he doesn't want his junk touched. Like. At all. In any context. Which, you know, understandably cuts down on nearly all the sexual options out there. But that’s the hard line: no touching his dick and no touching his butthole. Even if he, like, actively has a raging boner.

(Fun fact that I actually had to do research on, because despite being ace I did not know this due to the fact that I don't have a dick: if you are ace and have a dick there's good odds you'll still pop a boner in sexual situations, even if you have zero interest in what you’re looking at or participating in it. It's like something in your crotch goes "oh! Oh! A naked butt! I know what to do here! We got training for this! Time to ready the cannon!" and something in your brain goes "why the hell are you readying the cannon, we are absolutely not going to use the cannon, the cannon is a major inconvenience here" and the something in your crotch goes "listen, pal, I'm just following my orders. I don't tell you how to do your job, don't tell me how to do mine." The tl;dr here is that when Alastor is experimenting with Sir Pent, he could be completely bored out of his mind and still get a boner because biology is funky like that.)

The first few times this happens Sir Pent goes "are you sure you don't want me to, y'know, give you a handjob or something?? I feel like an inconsiderate jerk not helping out" and Alastor goes "absolutely not" and Sir Pent goes well okay I've made a career out of being an inconsiderate jerk, I guess I can do it in the bedroom too.

What they do manage to gradually figure out is that Alastor is perfectly fine with touching Sir Pent's junk, as long as it's not with his own junk or with his mouth. So hand jobs? Totally fair game. Letting Sir Pent grind against his thigh or abdomen? No problems with that. (Alastor flopped on his stomach going "this really does it for you??" and Sir Pent rubbing in Alastor's tail fur going "... yes." and Alastor is like, "wow. wild.")

More than that, Alastor gradually starts to figure out he likes that. Not necessarily the sensation of having a couple of dicks rubbing on his thigh—that's just sorta weird and probably always will be—but the knowledge of what it's doing to Sir Pent. He likes knowing he's giving Sir Pentious pleasure. He likes hearing him gasp and seeing him writhe and knowing that it's because Sir Pent wants Alastor and that Alastor has the power to give him exactly what he wants. He likes hearing Sir Pent hissing his name and little praises and one-word requests. ("Alastor’s existence revolves around mouths” includes sounds coming out of mouths, he gets more out of words and little noises than he does out of sight & touch combined.)

They figure out that what Alastor enjoys doing best is spooning Sir Pent from behind, wrapped around him to jerk him off. In bed or in the shower or even sitting with Sir Pent in his lap or between his legs. Alastor can put his chin on Sir Pentious's shoulder to listen to the sounds he makes and watch how his long long body moves, he can wrap his free arm around his waist and feel how he tenses and relaxes and squirms, they can kiss (and/or bite, biting is nice) with a little bit of careful positioning...

Also it's easier for Alastor to quietly sing to him from there.

... Alastor sings during sex. For the record. The first time he does it it's a nervous "I don't know what I'm supposed to be saying and it seems too quiet—oh I've got a solution" but soon it's just. A thing he does. Sir Pent gradually goes from "what? seriously? this is what you're doing?" to "lmao you dork" to "well I guess I now have a new kink I will never be able to get rid of, thanks." Sometimes he'll shakily sing along and Alastor's guts will melt into warm goo.

So there's a general overview of the more, like, normal stuff they get up to. Considering that their shared hobbies include things like "murder" and "being better than everyone else" and one of them is a cannibal, I'm sure that once they get down the basics they just get weirder. Copious amounts of blood get involved! Not their own blood. Other people's. 

[treacherous-dwarf-of-the-seas]

I had a lot of Thoughts about the Steven Universe Future finale

It’s exactly a month after its premiere, but I still have a lot of feelings and I wanna organize my thoughts a bit so I can have them somewhere, perhaps for any future ideas I may have. I think I’m just gonna list my thoughts on the 4 individual episodes, the finale (and season) as a whole, etc. Overall, I liked most of it, but I’m gonna get a bit su critical because although I absolutely loved many things about this finale, Oh boy. Some things I downright Did Not. Spoilers ahead I guess, this is a long one. 

This is my favorite part of the finale by far. To me, it did almost everything right.

I loved picking up right after Fractured, and Steven’s expression and body language, *chef’s kiss*

Poor Jasper gets killed *twice*

Homeworld looks so good! It’s all gardeny and disorganized in a good way.

Purple pearl?

SPINEL’S BACK!!!

Edgy theories that spinel and the diamonds were a disaster waiting to happen (I agreed with these) were wrong and this makes me happy. 

Steven’s reaction to Spinel kissing him? Was a tad strange//

SO GOOD to see Spinel being mentally healthy and happy and while still being herself.

The Diamonds! Actually working to better themselves!

I love the idea of diamond powers “working in reverse”. Like, Yellow diamond can change bodies and destabilize bodies, Blue can change emotions for better or worse, White can take over others or let others in. Honestly the idea that Pink/Rose could bring random plants to life and basically heal anything always struck me as so overpowered and random. The context that she was a goddess of destruction that changed into a goddess of creation makes the concept make a bit more sense to me, I appreciate that. 

I’m so ambivalent about Yellow’s scene. 

Like, its so satisfying to see. The thing that everybody (including me) was complaining about was that the diamonds’ redemption did not change the millennia of shattered, corrupted and amalgamated gems and suffering they had directly caused. Its very nice to see them putting their money with their mouths are. There’s acknowledgement that redemption isn’t just saying sorry and being less of a dick than you were before, it’s also correcting past wrongs and making it up to the people who were hurt.

However, I’m not totally sold on the idea of healing every shattered gem and the cluster. Like, I guess it makes sense considering a shatter is just a crack that’s been finished, and cracks in gems can be healed. But I don’t think it should be as easy as it is, and in any case, it just feels like it cheapens the impact of shattering, and even the forced fusions when they were so impactful in the original show. I wish the healing could still be done, but in a way that respects how awful and impactful the harm was.

I totally understand Steven in the Blue Diamond scene. I had had mental health problems where my mom had just offered drugs instead of talking to me or trying to help in a way that showed she cared about the issue, so this scene hit a bit hard.

Blue gets a song!

White, by far, my favorite scene in all of Future. 

Spinel White, no joke, gave me nightmares. 

The little moment of Steven yelling at himself for being a diamond is exactly what I wanted and I needed so much more of it. 

Triggered by everything White Diamond does. *chef’s kiss*. I especially love the little subtle moment of looking uncomfortable and pushing away white’s fingernails.  

Finally seeing similarities between Steven and White is canon, though I wish it was more explored. 

THE HALLUCINATION

Zach Callison is Intense(TM). This man always goes so hard and deserves mad respect.

TOO BAD.

Intrusive thoughts being represented in this way is amazing.

I still wonder if White knows what happened. Can she read thoughts in that state? 

He used White Diamond’s power to go into her body, and then while in her body, used her power of possession to take over his own body to puppet himself? I actually love the twistedness of this concept. It shows how twisted Steven himself has become. It’s so much about self-harm, while also not being self harm? vengeful thoughts, intrusive thoughts, anger, just everything. This moment could take all day to analyze, and I think it is way more thematically relevant to Steven’s internal struggle than the corruption.  

Love that the diamonds were still willing to help and only seemed concerned after how Steven was acting. They have changed!

Fairy tale imagery, noice.

This one is odd in the best way.

My favorite scenes in anything with supernatural beings is when they look at their own eyes in the mirror and realize that it’s not human or changed from what they should be. The way this scene played out was in a way I’ve only seen in fanfiction, and I am Here for it. The horror on Steven’s face when he’s looking at his own appearance is just wonderfully done. 

Very uncomfortable that there is an actual painting of Steven as an angel in his own room. I love how it ties into this episode, but I genuinely feel uncomfortable that he was thought of in that way at all. 

The flat out denial that he had just done the things he had done simply by virtue of who he is, I love the idea that “Steven Universe” has become more of a concept/symbol to him rather than being his own name. It reminds me of his concept of his mother and how her name is more of a symbol to Steven than a person. I just love the subtle parallel. 

I love the fact that “toxic positivity” is being explored in this show. I never really see it being discussed, and in a show so centered on being honest about emotions, no matter how painful they are, its so wonderful that the protagonist’s main character flaw is the exact opposite, to the point of being forcefully happy and smiling and actively ignoring things going wrong. It really strengthens the message by showing the opposite extreme.

I love the recontextualization that is present in suf. The criticisms of Steven being “too happy” during the cluster arc, being strangely positive after Lars’ death, etc. Although it was uncomfortable when those episodes came out and those events were all but ignored, I’m happy that it is being addressed as this culmination of madness in Steven, being so forcefully happy that its obvious that those episodes weren’t trying to ignore the problems, Steven was. 

I’m also happy to see a genuine “hero complex” in a protagonist. (usually the term is used incorrectly to mean “anyone who is a hero who works too hard.”

Steven talking to himself in typical protagonist fashion. 

The crystal gems staging an intervention, good shit.

“Steven’s here to help. Steven help. Help Steven.” Not subtle, but I’m always a slut for the glitchy messages. 

The confession of his crimes, love that we get to see the gems react to that. 

The whole monologue. Once again, Zach goes hard. I love the manic energy and still the ending is so raw and broken. 

“Oh, don't worry! I fixed that too! I can fix anything. I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to know or think about any of it! How messed up is that? That I've gotten away with this for so long. You have no idea how bad I am.”

 It honestly feels like some projection? (Idk something to do with that). It feels like hes a little put out by the things he learned in Homeworld Bound. Like, maybe he feels the same way I do? That the diamonds got off too easy? Maybe it’s simply that hes put out that they’re getting better and he seems to be getting worse. Maybe even, into the worst parts of his mom? I mean from his perspective, his mother had reverse character development and went, in his mind, from a goddess to a petty teenager, to an actual monster. How upsetting would it be to see the galactic dictators who got to live, do so many awful things, worse things than her, and just get to make everything better, to the point of total reversal of their crimes, while pink just ran away and left steven to deal with the mess.While he had to deal with the aftermath of EVERYTHING. Everyone seems to just be okay with the diamonds now, the monsters he feared for so long, so how come he has to be the bad one? How come he has to be like them now? Maybe it’s even coming back to his whole theory that he’s just a reincarnated version of his mom. (I know that he knows it isn’t true, but old fears and old habits can come back during a manic episode, and he spent a long time thinking that he was just there to clean up his mom’s mess and thinking that he was her in disguise.) If you look at what he’s saying, it’s a little strange that he’s talking about how bad he is and how he messes up and then fixes the stuff and no one has to know. It doesn’t even sound like he’s talking about himself, not really.

This sounds like a hysterical realization of what being a diamond means for steven. This is better explained in this post here :https://pennylogue.tumblr.com/post/613441610438590464/steven-is-a-diamond-and-thats-okay . Like, he is panicking that being a diamond means that he can just destroy everything and just fix it like the other diamonds. It’s terrifying that he can just destroy anything and hurt anybody, and people will still worship the ground he walks on just by virtue of who he is. (This isn’t true, obviously, but after what had just happened with jasper, a terrified mind would latch on to that.)  

 Dude, I could just go on all day this monologue is just fascinating. 

Love the parallel of Connie’s “backpack butterflies” and Steve’s back exploding. Its like a subtle way to show that the thoughts are “suddenly swarming.”

Oh god. I’ve gotta be honest. I hated this one. But I’ll start off with things I liked. 

The general concept is okay, but I feel like it is not thematically consistent, which I will get into later. 

The moment when the gems tell Greg to leave, and he stamps his foot down saying he needs to be with his son, I like that it is very apparent that his stomp makes almost no sound or impact, which really shows how different Steven is from him, aka, his separation from his own humanity that has been building up. 

Connie being amazing as always. 

“Yoo hoo! Steven! Is this a bad time?”

Spinel’s entire thing, from her reaction to seeing pink godzilla to her thinking that she is the main villain of steven’s story. It reminds me of Peridot’s “leader of the crystal gems, traitor to homeworld” thing and it makes me so happy. 

“WHy is something like this always happening when we show up for a visit?” 

The ending. Jesus. Zach always goes so hard I don’t doubt he was actually sobbing. I wish I could have cried during this moment. 

I respect the message, that it’s not about fixing it, it’s about being there for the person struggling, and Steven wasn’t cured, he finally hit a breaking point. I understand that the problem was not “solved with a hug” as so many say.

I love that before I saw the episode I saw pics of Garnet being as big as the kaiju and actually said to myself, “Wow the heights really ARE inconsistent.”

I don’t like that Connie included herself as one of the people that depend on Steven. They are the healthiest relationship in the entire show and Connie is always there for Steven? sometimes even more than he can be there for her? Where is this coming from? She has literally always been there. Her calling everyone out did clear my skin and water my crops though. 

Also, where is Connie’s emotional resolution? Didn’ she go through alot of the same trauma as Steven?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable that a diamond, Steven, could corrupt themselves. It’s not necessarily a bad ending to have Steven be corrupted into a giant monster. However, I don’t think it’s the ending that was really built up to. The only real build up was the presence of “Wyrm boi” in the theme song, and that’s about it. It’s not as prevalent as eye symbolism and foreshadowing of someone (Steven or Connie) losing a hand or an eye.

The episode itself was 11 minutes long, and the monster was very underwhelming and way too quick. I feel like the emotions were too rushed, and although everyone else seemed to put in their emotional 2 cents, I feel as though Steven did not get the emotional climax that he really needed. 

Also why didn’t we have a sweet little moment of connection with Nephrite Jade/Centipeetle? Wouldn’t that have been such a bittersweet parallel? The whole “being there for Steven like he was there for us?” So where is she? 

There was so much imagery and thematic elements in both Steven Universe and Steven Universe Future, that did not build up to the kaiju monster in the way that it was.

The imagery with one eye, the eye patches, cat steven, the heterochromatic eyes with Onion’s doll, Cookie cat, split Steven, etc etc, most people have many many more examples. I feel like someone could have lost an eye, or maybe Steven could have had a corruption scar that left his eyes permanently heterochromatic. It also would have been thematically relevant to have Steven come out of this with more of a balance of his gem half and human half. This never really becomes relevant in “I Am My Monster.” His gem half turns him into a monster, his gem half helps him turn back. It’s nice that his gem and human family were there as support, but there was never a sense of balancing both sides of himself in the fact that they are there, as there are only two humans and mostly gems there, and this lack of balance and security with both parts of himself was one of the major themes throughout the series and one of the sources of Steven’s identity crisis. 

Connie is always a parallel to Pearls. Our Pearl and Pink Pearl. I wish something had come of that. (There are amazing comics that show her losing an eye like Pink Pearl, as it seemed to be foreshadowed in Open Book and Sworn to the Sword.)

This idea isn’t mine, but I’ve seen it done really well and I feel like it would have been a better ending than 10 minute godzilla monster. I wish I could have seen Steven split up again. I am personally fascinated with the otherworldly enigma that are Steven’s two halves, but I feel that that would have tied into the themes better and tied up more loose ends. By the end of the series, we don’t know Steven’s opinion on his mother, and last time we heard him mention her it was in a negative light. This is connected to Steven’s conflict within himself, his desire to understand his human side better, his fear of his power as a diamond, his insecurity and loneliness as a totally unique being. Homeworld Bound was the closest we got to seeing Steven talk to himself, and confront the two sides of himself. This was also the closest we’ve seen Steven come to being honest with the diamonds about how he really sees them. However, this ended with Steven hurting himself, (wanting to hurt White was a response to trauma as well as symbolically confronting his own diamond self), and running away. We never get to see the resolution to that conversation. We never see Steven accept that he is a diamond and that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Furthermore, Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond is not resolved. The negative character development took a huge toll on her character. Not only does the audience think of her as a terrible person, but the characters also forget her positive character development after hearing about all the mistakes of the past. Rose/Pink’s redemption arc still happened. I think it would have been fitting to remind us here, like all the other diamonds get their moment in this special. I feel like having Steven split up would tie up these loose ends. It would be a dramatic ending while also being a way for Steven to confront these issues within himself in a grounded way, while also making genuine peace with Pink Diamond. We could have Steven talking to himself, maybe starting out the way he did with White in Homeworld Bound, then steadily coming to terms with the sides of himself that he is afraid of, maybe how both sides help each other, how Pink Diamond is not a symbol of all that is wrong in his life, but just a person with flaws who was able to be better, like he can be better, too. This was touched on a little in Change Your Mind, but I would love to see Steven’s thoughts on Pink after the events of Fractured and Homeworld Bound, as there has to be some difference in perspective there. I feel that if Steven split into his components, these themes and ideas could be explored more and we could have a better climatic resolution for Steven’s character arc.  Even if Steven came out with no scars, even with both his eyes, the imagery and thematic elements would still be satisfactorily resolved if we got to see the two halves of Steven actually talk to each other. This also explains it better. https://scatterpatter.tumblr.com/post/615024679798915072/hmmmm-okay-so-i-just-watched-one-of-those-rose

Btw, if anybody has fanfiction recs with this concept, please hmu. 

I think I hate the kaiju ending because it seemed like such a waste of potential and didn’t really resolve any conflict besides functioning as a sort of breakdown.

The Future. aka: Welcome to another episode of Crying Breakfast Friends!

Boogle

The cookie cat rap. Pearl obviously kills it because she’s awesome and I was dying the entire time. 

Steven/Therapy is canon!

I like that Steven puts up a poster of Kerry Moonbeam in his room that he’s giving to his dad. It’s like he’s made peace with the whole “mr. universe thing” and it makes me happy to see that he’s not holding it against his dad or even avoiding the subject. 

I appreciate alot of little moments with the family while it still lasts.

It is genuinely like watching Crying Breakfast Friends. 

Steven gets to be “petty” with his emotions! He is finally honest with his family. I do appreciate the subtle resolution to his character arc (despite my opinions of the climax).

My favorite thing about Steven and Connie is that the fact that they are “canon” has basically always been true. Like, they’ve always loved eachother as best friends and they still do, it’s just that they get to kiss now. I absolutely love that its not a huge dramatic thing, its just Steven and Connie and they are otp for life. 

The fanfic potential is strong with this one. 

I wish I could have seen a therapy session or at least meeting the therapist. Maybe Steven walking into the office with his family behind him and its a moment of doing the first steps toward getting better.

But as is, this one is fine. 

Love the idea of a road trip with our little weirdo interacting with normies. 

Time to hit up Gravity Falls, lmao. 

TLDR:, the finale was good, but I did not particularly care for the climax. I am genuinely sad to see this show go. I was not a fan until I was already 18, but even after 5 years this show has taught me so much about self love, acceptance, tolerance, emotional honesty, etc. (I’ll probably do another post about it because holy shit this is long.) But this season, or epilogue series, has gotten me through such a difficult time in my life that is still happening, and has given me the tools to get through it. I sympathize with Steven so much, and I know alot of other people did too. It was so nice to be part of a community that just adopted this feral child. Some of future was rushed and of course it wasn’t perfect, but I greatly respect what it was doing. Bringing up PTSD and mental illness in this way in something like this was not something I was prepared for, even in this show, and I certainly couldn’t have imagined it even 5 years ago. Even with its missteps, this show took so many risks and was so incredibly detailed and it was obvious that it was made with alot of love and the fans in mind. I criticize because I love this show and while I feel it is necessary to acknowledge its flaws, I have so much love for the possibilities that this little world makes me dream of. These four episodes in particular was an emotional roller coaster and I am so sad to see it go, but I enjoyed the ride. Thank you, Crewniverse!

[five-wow]

i’m watching 10.21!!! [insert excited but apprehensive noises]!!!

by the time you’re reading this i’ll be done watching, so as always, thoughts under the cut:

i opened up the episode, steve’s voice said “previously on ha-” and i paused it because i actually need some food before i do anything right now.

food (and coffee that is 90% milk) acquired! the previously on is just the last few seconds of the previous episode, and oof, it reminded me how hilariously evil this micheal claypool sounded with that intense british accent they gave him (surprise twist: the h50 finale is actually the new bond movie), but now he just showed up on steve’s doorstep and he looks like a really kind somewhat older man, gosh.

steve: “please uh, come on in and make yourself at home.” danny, wherever he is right now: “NINE YEARS. I HAD TO WAIT NINE YEARS AND THIS GUY JUST SHOWS UP AND-”

mr. claypool comes in, sits down, hands a still standing steve a letter and then gathers his coat and briefcase and is immediately back out the door, fdjkfd. also, omfg, i don’t like that doris is still causing drama from the grave, but i have to say, it’s impeccably in character, at least.

steve looks a little disbelieving and unhappy about the contents of the letter, which is not great. it couldn’t have been just a nice “hello my son, sorry you’ve had to live without me for these past four months, i wanted to tell you one last time that i love you and hope you’re doing well”, could it? (for that matter, does mary get a letter??? it always feels like mary either got out in time by not going into anything like law enforcement and therefore not getting pulled into her family legacy of dangerous shit all the time, or like she’s just been outright rejected by their parents who keep building all of their mysteries around steve.)

okay so now we’re watching a woman and her son being held hostage by two criminals who probably killed a cop and want her to stitch one of them up, and obviously they’re bad guys, but one of them just said “think bus boy’s got a thing for you” about the dude who just rang the doorbell and hand delivered a toy the kid had forgotten at a diner and yes!!! i agree!!! and it looked super cute so maybe you could just put your guns away and let them fumble around each other for a little before one of them finally asks the other out on a date and then they end up as a really cute little family.

oh SHIT crush guy just burst into the apartment and really, really seems to know his way around a gun and how to hold his own in a fight against armed criminals. oh! ohhhh, this is the new character they were going to introduce that would potentially have become a cast member if the show had continued without steve, isn’t it? ahhh. that makes sense.

while the woman calls the police, crush guy (who heroically saved her and her son and got shot in the process) just. leaves. that’s not suspicious at all!

the intro!!! feelings!!!

we’re at the cemetary where john mcgarrett rests so i expected to be shown steve, but instead we get?? danny rolling up in the camaro to look at steve crouched by the grave? oh my gosh. ten times better.

danny is SO WORRIED. and he is RIGHT because steve is acting very unlike steve.

fdjkfdjk OF COURSE doris’s message is a bunch of symbols. doris!!! you do not write goodbye messages to your son in wingdings!!! be a good mother for maybe once, perhaps, my gosh!!!

!!!!! steve telling danny he just doesn’t think he really cares anymore and wants to be done with doris’s whole thing is !!!!! very good!!!! i am using too many exclamation points and very aware of it but !!!!!!

i just. look. i just. steve has SAD FEELINGS and he TALKS ABOUT THEM with DANNY and this is pretty much a dream come true. YES. not the sad feelings, i’d rather have happy feelings, but after everything these characters have gone through they need to acknowledge that there are sad feelings before happy feelings can be had.

also, omfg, i had a brief heart attack because steve says joe’s name but he says it with an abandoned “and” kind of tacked onto it, a little mumbly, so it sounds like “losing joe’n- and mom” and for a long moment i was like, losing joan?? what?? because that would not be okay, holy shit, no.

on a lighter note, steve: “i’ll drive.” what a suprise!!! truly a shocking turn of events. :p

yes, steve, antagonize the scary-looking dude who is grieving over his dead brother while standing over the dead brother’s body in the morgue. i’m sure that’s a brilliant plan.

wait what, we suddenly see adam and junior who are talking on the phone because junior called adam to give him an update, and then adam goes, right, but the bad guys don’t know the address yet, and we do! and it turns out he is. standing in the apartment both parties are looking for right at that second. uh. communication, adam, dear lord.

there is some team organizing in hq around the case and then they all disperse and danny looks ready to follow steve into his office but then he gets distracted by tani asking to talk to him for a minute, and then they go out onto a BALCONY that i don’t remember ever having seen before? omg. secret headquarters balcony.

tani asks about steve!! she is worried too!! i’m forgetting about the balcony betrayal and having intense feelings again.

fdjkfd danny tells tani that steve has been running non-stop and is getting burned out and tani asks “alright, well, what are we gonna do about it?” and with absolutely zero hesitation danny goes “i’m gonna force the issue.” i don’t even think that’s a bad plan per se! but the quick and determined way he says it has me laughing anyway, like danny’s been daydreaming while the team was talking about their case and thinking, hm, what can i do to help steve? i know! i’m going to push him in a corner and keep him there and make him FEEL his FEELINGS. danny’s solution here is to throw a grenade at steve, but like, one full of love and caring and hopefully pancakes.

danny is telling tani that he’s seriously concerned about steve’s functioning on the job at the moment and meanwhile steve is out with junior interviewing a guy with an axe. fdjkfd.

okay so steve and junior catch the bus boy crush heroic rescuer guy (whose name is cole) and he won’t talk, and then junior arrives back at hq and tani comes out of her office to talk about steve again, ahhh. she is so worried! and junior is extremely uncomfortable because he feels like he has to defend steve and he ends up saying that steve will deal with things in his own way and oh junior, no, sometimes being hurt and pushing it away is not the best thing. even MORE reasons why steve needs to work through this in a healthy way: he’s setting a very destructive example for junior.

meanwhile steve is chilling on the floor of their rendition room “interviewing” cole all on his own, which seems to boil down to psychoanalyzing cole in a way that sounds suspiciously like steve’s pulling apart pieces of his own mind but attributing all of the problems to cole because that’s way safer than admitting that maybe most of these are his own issues, too, that he’s giving voice to for probably the first time ever.

steve to himself cole: “you’ve been here in this hole since [name of place where tragedy happened]. you‘ve put yourself there.” SUBTLE.

fdjkfd i paused at the perfect moment because immediately after that sentence cole goes “you know, something tells me i could say damn near the same thing about you” and uh, yes. thank you for making my point in-universe, cole, gosh.

steve: [gives a hard stare for a second and then switches back to cole’s current situation without addressing cole’s comment at all]

ahhhh there is a shot that starts with lou, tani and quinn around the tech table analyzing a video that shows our Bad Guys of the moment holding the poor diner lady and her kid hostage (again!) and then moves smoothly through steve’s glass door into his office where he and danny are having a heated discussion about the case and twirls around them. that was very cool!

so the bad guys want cole or they won’t release their hostages, cole wants to do it, danny wants him to do it and convinces steve after multiple little scenes of them disagreeing about it, and then military police comes in and takes cole away, preventing them from actually carrying out their plan. oops!

and THEN cole escapes out of a vehicle with three men guarding him, hah. i’m definitely seeing the heavy handed parallels with steve they’re throwing at us, omg.

danny about cole to steve: “i think this guy might be crazier than you.” i kind of love that every time a new intended team member shows up (tani, junior, i'm pretty sure quinn too?), danny has to compare them to steve in some way. it’s a rule. every time anyone says something vaguely snarky steve physically can’t stop himself from saying “ah, did you know you sound just like danny williams?” and every time someone does something ill-advised yet heroic, danny is obligated by the universe and the wiring of his own heart to go “ugh, you remind me of steve.”

cole gets a pass because he did good stuff and is a war hero, steve and cole make friends, and then cole says he noticed the cypher on steve’s desk and we’re back to the thing i thought this episode would focus on way more heavily.

steve HAS been doing research to try to crack it! danny was right about steve not being able to let this go.

cole knows a guy who’s good at cracking codes! i guess that’s a neat way to connect him to steve’s finale plot and move it along at the same time, haha.

steve is still at the office when his phone rings and it’s danny and then steve walks onto his beach where danny is waiting for him in their two chairs with two beers, and i love that, especially because we don’t hear danny’s side of the phone conversation but it was a very short scene so what did he say, exactly? “come home, i’m lonely, i have beer”?

steve: “what’s the face, you got a face on, your face” fdjkfd. eloquent!

SCREAMING. “you think lincoln is my new bff? yo, no one can replace you, you’re my danno!” i am. oh my gosh. this is steve reassuring HIMSELF, not danny, but it is also incredibly sweet and YOU’RE MY DANNO. now THAT’S the kind of content i want. yes. good. holy shit.

danny says to stop doing “that”, by which he means deflecting, and steve just goes “okay” and looks uncomfortable but starts talking anyway and i LOVE THEM. this is a good, healthy friendship.

steve: “i kinda feel like i’ve been protecting everybody except for myself, does that make sense?” YES. YES, STEVE, IT DOES, and i am VERY GLAD you’re saying those words with your own mouth.

i am making very high pitched noises at the moment. a) steve says he can’t take a break “here” because there are too many memories and that SCARES ME because he SHOULD NOT LEAVE THE ISLAND but also really really validates a fic idea i’ve had for ages in a way that i love, b) steve says “i will say this is how i thought it would end for us, couple old guys, sitting on a beach, watching sunsets” and YES oh my gosh, and c) then DANNY GOES, “i mean that sounds great to me, we can still do that” and HELLO YES it is SO GOOD to hear them VOICE these things that they’ve obviously both wanted for literal years and which we’ve been shown through steve’s clinginess when danny wanted to retire and danny’s bringing steve in on the restaurant thing and danny’s literal dream of him and steve sitting on that very beach as old men with steve telling him he loves him. just, my gosh, this is all those things but put into words that they are saying and it is very validating and sweet and necessary and scares me very much about where this is going, but for the moment i adore it.

the episode has two and a half minutes left and i’m kind of feeling like this is enough. let’s just end it here. happy end, guys, let’s all go home! except steve and danny, who are already there, obviously, and should do the opposite of move, ever.

OH. OHHH. steve tells danny he doesn’t know anymore and danny looks sad and then steve continues about how he’s been trying to distract himself with stuff like “a bunch of dating, which was nice, but didn’t help” and the RESTAURANT gets a mention though i’ll admit it’s one that’s very confusing because steve says “when it closed”, which... it didn’t, as far as we had been told until now? isn’t kamekona still running it? i always assumed he’d have turned it into a very successful bussiness venture.

danny looks UNHAPPY ABOUT THINGS STEVE IS SAYING and i relate, while i’m at the same time weirdly very very proud of him for saying these things? i don’t want him to feel this unsure about everything (particularly whether he can stay in hawaii, because it seems that’s what he’s talking about and that’s Bad), but it is a needed breath of fresh air to have stuff that happened and that he’s been bottling up for ages actually impact him emotionally.

okay, fjdksfdjslfs, danny suggests steve should GO TO JERSEY and says that steve has NEVER BEEN and i get that this is mostly kind of a joke but actually YES, STEVE. GO THE FUCK TO JERSEY. that would be perfect! danny can subtly follow you under the guise of an extended visit to family and you can spend time there together exploring danny’s home state instead of steve’s and you can come back home to hawaii when you’re ready and it would be beautiful and a very nice, symbolic way to end the show. we start with danny moving to hawaii to find a home there, and we end with with steve moving to jersey to realize where his home is.

this argument though, it’s giving me life. steve when danny starts suggesting other places, angrily, for no good reason: “now i HAVE to go.” danny, both giving and getting up: “i’m gonna get another beer.” steve, calm again: “okay, i’m gonna go to jersey.” danny: [walks away while steve yells after him about all the recommendations he’ll need for when he’s in jersey]

danny is inside to get the beer, hears a noise, finds a burglar at steve’s desk, fights him, destroy half the living room and is found by steve who also heard noise from the house and suddenly keeps saying “yo” to danny a lot this episode.

of course the burglar was there for the cypher that doris sent steve, because she can never just pop up in steve’s life in a way that isn’t  somehow dangerous to him and everyone around him. it was good, though!!! a very nice cliffhanger.

final thoughts: VERY GOOD, VERY INTENSE EPISODE. i liked cole more than i expected for a character that gets introduced as potential main cast in the last two episodes of a show that’s by now already been cancelled (that could have been problematic, but i think the writers handled it well by brick-to-the-face using him to explore steve’s issues) and i love danny being so worried about steve and tani following his lead and wanting to talk to everyone close to steve about how worried she is, too, and everything steve says has ME worried about how they’re going to end this, but so far, it’s also amazing A+ perfect fanfic fuel, holy effing shit. EMOTIONS. FEELINGS. STEVE HAS THEM. it’s literally that easy to please me, fdjkfd.

and i will say that while i’m worried about him and he’s clearly hurting and there are ways the show could take this that i won’t like (steve leaving the island at the end of the show while danny stays, mainly, which would be kind of horrible in all kinds of ways), i do somewhat love seeing steve deal with the fact that he’s older than he was ten years ago, he’s never really worked through all of the incredibly horrible shit life kept heaping on him, and he’s just getting really damn tired of everything. old, tired steve is a good thing; it’s the start of a new chapter, one where he hopefully doesn’t keep clinging to that endless denial of hurt and his tendency to put the job above everything including his own mental and physical health. i just hope, hope, hope that this last chapter that we actually get to watch play out on screen will be one that ends in a place that feels right, because this could either end perfectly or so, so badly. 🤞