#There is a little vds in this one as well

[linagram]

[ 𝚔𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚒 𝚛𝚒𝚔𝚞'𝚜 𝚝𝟸 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊 ] 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛-𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚢𝚌𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗

there's only one prisoner pair left to judge! and riku's case still doesn't feel that easy to me. i have no idea what verdict he's gonna get this time.

speaking of warnings below: riku really does talk more about his murder in this vd and about his mental health problems as well. i was a little scared of writing this one because sometimes i feel like riku's character is too, uh.. edgy, maybe? or just too depressing? however, i also want to show that his relationship with his victim, his family and other people really messed him up to the point of wanting to be in pain himself and wanting others to be in pain as well.

Warnings for Riku's VD: Mentions of self-harm and suicide. Also, Riku, if you're able to get out of here, promise that you will immediately get therapy after that.

Warnings for Riku's MV: Mentions of blood, also one of the characters. Um. Literally gets mauled.

(sounds of footsteps that sound slower than usual and now it seems like there's only one person walking)

(the footsteps stop)

Miki: ...

Miki: *starts crying*

Miki: I-it's not fair..

Miki: Why do I- no, w-why do we have to do this?

Miki: I still want to save everyone, but..

Miki: .. Do I even want to save everyone?

Miki: .. Or do I just want them to like me?

Miki: Maybe I just want them to thank me and praise me for my hard work and..

Miki: T-that actually sounds nice..

Miki: H-hold on, what am I saying?!

Miki: Okay, I'm already losing my sanity.

Miki: I-I can't do this alone.

Miki: Maybe I should just-

Miki: Huh?

(a sound of a screen turning on)

???: Well, if you can't do this alone, that means you could use some help, right?

Miki: ...

???: I'm a little sleepy, but I can help out, if you want. I didn't really want to leave this room, but seeing you like this is.. kind of sad.

???: H-hey, can you hear me? Is this thing even on?

Miki: ...

???: .. It's the mask, isn't it.

???: Don't worry, I'll take if off once we see each other in person. I still have to wear it for now-

Miki: WHO EVEN ARE YOU?!

Miki: WHY ARE YOU- HOW- WHO-

???: P-please, calm down!.. You're so loud, your voice kinda hurts my ears, haha..

???: Also, what if the prisoners hear you?

Miki: .. Right.

Miki: But still.. Who are you?

Miki: Wait.. Your uniform..

???: You really are a smart one.

Miki: .. The third guard? You were the one who made everyone answer those questions?

???: Well, not exactly, I asked my.. uh, I asked someone else to bring those papers to everyone, but yeah, it was my idea.

Miki: .. Why? You know you could just join us and we could interrogate them together, right?

???: It's not as easy as it sounds, Miki-san. 

Miki: YOU KNOW MY NAME??

???: I've been watching you two for some time, so.. Yeah, I know a lot about you and the prisoners.

Miki: .. Where were you when it was the first trial though?

???: I was.. asleep, basically.

???: And then, after I woke up, I watched the recordings of all interrogations from that trial and I already had all the information I needed.

Miki: Asleep?..

???: Listen, I have no idea what happened to me, but it really felt like I was just asleep. But if I'm being honest..

???: I feel like they would've never let me wake up if they saw that they don't need me here.

Miki: W-what does that mean?..

???: I-I don't want to go into details.

???: So, I'm the third guard of the Milgram prison, nice to meet you.

Miki: .. N-nice to meet you too, but what is your name?

Miki: And when will I be able to meet you in person?

Miki: .. And what's with the mask?

???: A-ah, right, right, my name..

???: Um.. I-I can't reveal my real name to you right now, but trust me, I will do so very soon. I'm wearing a mask to hide my face for the exact same reason, but I promise that I will join you soon and you'll be able to see my face, haha.

Miki: But then.. What should I call you?

Miki: "Is it just me or his voice actually sounds very attractive? And what if he takes off this weird mask and it turns out that-"

Miki: "Wait, am I really having thoughts like this right now?"

???: So, uh, what should you call me..

???: Ah, right! Can you call me Hiyuu, please?

Miki: "Hiyuu"? S-sure, but why that name specifically?

???: When my parents were waiting for me to be born, they had a very long list of names for me and had no idea which one to go with. They almost went with Hiyuu.

Miki: I see..  Why did they go for a different name though?

???: No idea. I think it sounds cuter than the name I got in the end.

Miki: "It does sound kind of cute.."

Miki: O-okay! Then, um, again, n-nice to meet you, Hiyuu-san!

Hiyuu: Again, nice to meet you too, Miki-san.

Hiyuu: So, you're going to interrogate the ninth prisoner now, correct?

Miki: Y-yeah..

Hiyuu: I'm really sorry, but you'll have to interrogate him without me. I will join you when it's time for the tenth prisoner to be interrogated.

Miki: But why? Do you have something else to do?

Miki: Ah, I'm sorry for asking so many questions..

Hiyuu: It's okay, it's okay! It's just..

Hiyuu: .. I just woke up from a nap and I'm still feeling sleepy. 

Miki: ...

Hiyuu: .. It was a joke, I swear.

Hiyuu: I-I will join you later, I definitely will! But I know that prisoner's behavior is.. a bit unstable, so please, just know that if you're in danger, I will immediately run to help you, okay? 

Miki: .. Okay. Thank you, Hiyuu-san.

Hiyuu: No problem. And also..

Hiyuu: .. Sorry about what happened to Eiji-san.

Miki: .. I-I just want to believe that he will be okay.

(sounds of Miki's footsteps becoming faster)

(the door opens)

Riku: Ah, here you are, Miki!

Miki: ...

Riku: And where's Eiji-san? Did something happen or-

Miki: *sits down* I'm pretty sure everyone heard everything.

Riku: .. Haha, you're right.

Riku: .. I hope it's not that serious.

Miki: It's a broken arm, which is probably not that serious, it really could be worse, but..

Miki: Considering these conditions and everything..

Riku: .. Right. Right. I'm sorry.

Riku: S-so.. It's my turn to be interrogated, right?

Miki: *nods*

Miki: How are you feeling, Riku-san?

Riku: I'm fine, I'm fine! A little bit nervous, but that's to be expected.

Riku: Also, just wanted to thank you again for forgiving me. Really, I'm so grateful..

Riku: I was.. I was so scared, you know. 

Riku: Like.. Of course, I didn't want this to be real. I wanted this to turn out to be some kind of game. I hoped that I won't get punished for real, that nobody will get punished for real.

Riku: .. But all of this is real.

Riku: And I'm here and I was forgiven! I did have to.. uh, pay a price, but it's fine. 

Miki: .. A price?

Miki: You mean tricking me and making me give you a knife, so that you can hurt yourself later and make me feel so bad that I simply wouldn't be able to do anything other than vote you innocent?

Riku: H-hey, you're kinda making it sounds like I'm the bad guy here-

Miki: You're not a "bad guy". But you did lie to me.

Riku: I did. And I'm sorry. 

Riku: .. But you will still forgive me, right?

Miki: .. What if my forgiveness has its limits?

Riku: What was that?

Miki: N-nothing. 

Miki: *clears throat* Riku-san, before we talk about your crime, I want to talk about the way you've been acting lately.

Riku: What do you mean by that? I've been doing fine-

Miki: Trying to hurt yourself with a fork while everyone is having breakfast is not fine, Riku-san.

Riku: .. Ehehe..

Miki: I just want to help you. You can be honest with me.

Riku: .. I can't be honest with anyone, Miki.

Miki: Why?

Riku: .. Okay. If you're more honest than me, then please be honest with me right now.

Riku: *takes a breath*

Riku: "I simply wouldn't be able to do anything other than vote you innocent".. Does that mean you forgave me only because of what I did to myself?

Miki: ...

Miki: I-I could feel your pain when I watched your video. I really did feel sorry for you. 

Miki: But I don't want to lie and say that what you did wasn't a big part of the reason why I made that decision.

Riku: Haha.. See?

Riku: People like me only when they see me in pain.

Miki: What does that mean, Riku-san?

Riku: *sighs*

Riku: "Riku-kun, can you please go and talk to Yue-kun? He looks so sad.."

Riku: "Sorry, Riku, but your brother is not feeling good today. You can still go to that concert alone though."

Riku: "Hey, Riku, is it just me, or your sadder songs are better than the happier ones? Like, you'll be able to help more people with them."

Riku: I was always surrounded by those who were in pain.

Riku: And I always had to do everything for them. I had to give up so many things for them.

Riku: Of course, I would go and try to comfort my "friend" even if I didn't want anything to do with him. Of course, I would stay home and not go to any concerts, because if I did go, it would look like I don't care about my brother at all. Of course, I would write more sad songs and make myself sad in the process because people like them more.

Riku: I was sick of it. I was so tired of it, I started to hate literally everyone around me. It was so bad that when I saw someone trip and their friend helping them get up, I would get so angry, I would have to leave so that I wouldn't try to beat up those people just for not giving their attention to me.

Riku: And then, one day..

Riku: People finally saw me in pain.

Riku: I finally opened up. I finally told them how I really feel.

Riku: And considering my popularity, they went insane. They were ready to do anything to make me happy.

Riku: I know how to use my pain to make people feel sorry for me. And it looks like it had worked with you and even Eiji-san.

Riku: So please, don't be mad at me for still doing that. 

Riku: I know how to put on a show. And if you two need to see me in pain just so that you can forgive me later, I will make it as bloody as you want.

Riku: .. Miki?

Miki: ... 

Miki: *starts crying* I'm sorry, Riku-san. I'm so sorry.

Riku: .. Heh.

Riku: Works like a charm.

Miki: .. Just another reminder that my forgiveness has limits.

Miki: Also.. 

Miki: "Yue-kun".. Is that your childhood friend?

Riku: Ah, right, I haven't told you his name. Yeah, that's him.

Riku: I was friends with Shiozaki Yue since I was like.. seven years old? Maybe younger.

Miki: .. And he's your victim, isn't he?

Riku: .. Yeah.

Riku: Hey, what did my video tell you exactly? Like, did it show you all the details? Oh, also, did you like my song?

Miki: Your video felt like.. At first, I could see how popular and how loved you are. 

Miki: But then, I saw you texting your friends and after you saw their messages, you started crying. 

Miki: I didn't get the ending of it though. It felt like.. 

Miki: You were on the school rooftop with your friends and then you pushed someone off the roof while telling them to jump.

Riku: !

Riku: Ahaha..

Riku: Wow, that sounds scary.

Riku: Again, was the song good though-

Miki: Now, back to your.. um, behavior.

Miki: .. Why did you tell Miyagawa-san to "go and die"?

Riku: ...

Riku: *laughs* Come on, Miki, did you really have to bring that up?

Riku: I almost forgot about it and you really had to ruin it for me, haha..

Miki: How can you forget about it when you have to look at Miyagawa-san's injury every day?

Riku: I just try to ignore him. That's all.

Riku: If he tries to talk to me even after all of that..

Riku: .. That's his fault. Not mine.

Miki: You knew that he likes you a lot. Why did you..

Miki: Why did you have to be so cruel to him?!

Riku: Because I hate him, Miki.

Riku: This guy likes me only because I remind him of someone. I know that for sure.

Riku: He doesn't like the real me. He would never accept the real me.

Riku: Listen, that's just what us, popular guys, do. We smile, we say hi, we say how good everyone looks today, we say that we'd be glad to hang out with someone, even if we actually wish that person was dead.

Riku: 'Cause that's how reputation works! Say one wrong word and that's it, you're out.

Riku: .. And I can't have that. My family only sees me as someone who has to take care of my siblings, even though I'm not even the oldest. My "best friend" only sees me as a guy he can vent to and project his pain onto.

Riku: My school was the only place where I was loved and accepted by everyone.

Miki: But.. what's the difference between pretending for your family and Shiozaki-san and pretending for your classmates?

Riku: It's simple: my classmates were obsessed with me.

Riku: They wanted to be like me. They wanted to be with me. They wanted to be noticed by me.

Riku: And I continued to play along just because it's nice to feel like somebody's idol.

Miki: .. Is that also the reason why it was so hard for you to stop being friends with Shiozaki-san? He liked you a lot, didn't he?

Riku: .. Well, I can't deny that it is a part of the reason why I couldn't just say "Hey, I think we should go our separate ways".

Miki: And is this also why you couldn't just be honest with Miyagawa-san when you first met him? Because it was nice to feel like you're important to him?

Riku: Yeah, so what? Are you really gonna judge me for just wanting to be liked?

Miki: I'm not gonna judge you for wanting to be liked, but I will judge you for manipulating other people's feelings.

Miki: A-anyway, we don't have much time left.

Miki: So, about your crime..

Miki: What exactly did you do?

Miki: I just don't understand. I know why you did it, but I don't understand how it happened.

Riku: What exactly you don't understand then?

Miki: Uh.. 

Miki: ... Okay, here it goes.

Miki: Did your friend kill himself because of you or did you kill him yourself?

Riku: ...

Riku: Um..

Riku: It's.. actually very hard to explain.

Riku: But before I do that..

Riku: *stands up*

Riku: Promise me that you will forgive me.

Miki: ...

Riku: I will do anything to make you forgive me. Do you want to see me on my knees? Do you want to see all my scars? Do you want me to just stab myself right in front of you?

Riku: One word and I'll do it. I'm okay with dying, honestly.

Miki: .. But if you die, what's the point of me forgiving you then?

Riku: .. I-I don't know.

Riku: Hearing "I forgive you" sounds nice, haha.

Riku: So, do you promise-

Miki: .. You're so stupid, Riku.

Riku: Huh?

(sounds of Miki standing up and pushing Riku against the wall)

Riku: !

Riku: T-that was unexpected..

Riku: .. Are you crying?

Miki: YES, I AM CRYING BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT!

Miki: YOU'RE WILLING TO THROW AWAY YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT JUST BECAUSE "HEARING SOMEBODY FORGIVE YOU SOUNDS NICE"?! ARE YOU THAT DUMB?!

Miki: WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME FORGIVING YOU IF I WON'T BE ABLE TO SAVE YOU?

Miki: .. Actually, maybe forgiveness isn't always the right way to save someone..

Riku: Haha, so punishing someone is a better way of saving them? Sounds kinda messed up..

Miki: ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOUR WAY OF THINKING ISN'T MESSED UP?!

Riku: .. So, you're not gonna forgive me this time?

(the bell rings, machinery sounds)

Miki: .. It depends on what your video is going to show me.

Riku: .. Haha, okay, challenge accepted.

Riku: I am going to put on the best performance you've ever seen and make you love me so much that you won't be able to vote me guilty.

Miki: And if I still do vote you guilty?

Riku: Come on, you're Andou Miki, the whole prison knows you as someone who always forgives everyone no matter what.

Miki: .. Well, if Eiji-san won't be able to punish anyone this time..

Miki: I'll simply have to do his job.

Riku: .. God, both of you are insane.

Riku: Okay, fine. Don't worry, I'll just punish myself before you even announce my verdict.

Miki: .. How are you gonna do it? I didn't give you any weapons this time.

Riku: Are you sure? In my hands pretty much anything can become a weapon.

Miki: .. You won't do anything serious to yourself this time, right?

Riku: Haha, trust me, I'm strong enough to do it. And brave enough too.

Miki: .. I want to hug you and choke you at the same time.

Miki: PRISONER 009, RIKU, SING YOUR SINS AND MAKE SURE IT'S THE BEST SONG I'VE EVER HEARD!  

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[ MV Description ]

The video starts with Riku sitting in what appears to be a limousine. He looks really nervous and he keeps pulling his sleeves down and taking deep breaths. 

"Breathe in, breathe out.

You've done this before, you can do it again

Breathe in, breathe out

And even if something goes wrong, just do it, embrace the pain"

However, as soon as he steps out of a limousine, he looks fine and he gives everyone a bright smile. He gets greeted by a huge number of fans who all look excited to see him and some of them even push each other to try and get closer to him. 

"I know you all love me and your feelings are mutual

I love you all back, trust me, it's true"

He simply keeps walking as he smiles at everyone and waves at them. When you look closer, you can see that all of his fans are actually wearing collars. It's like.. they're his pets or something. 

"How can I not love you? You listen to my every word, my every command

No matter what I do, you will protect me

Look at me, I'm like a trendsetter, no matter what I do, people will follow my lead"

He suddenly stops walking as he sees a familiar face in that crowd. It's the white-haired boy again and now we can actually see his face and what he looks like. He looks even happier than all of Riku's fans, but Riku is not happy to see him at all. He tries to ignore him. 

"I love all of you, yes, every single one of you, but not you though

Hey, it's okay for celebrities like me to be a little hypocritical!"

Now, we can see Riku on the stage, preparing for his concert with his bandmates. Everything goes fine if we ignore his fans looking more and more insane as the show goes on and it looks like he is actually having fun. The chorus plays. 

"Now, listen, I don't like to do this

I'm not the type to abuse my power

But looks like it's time for you to get what you deserve

So get him, everyone, I'll pat you on the head later"

When the concert ends, we can see him giving autographs to his fans, talking to them and taking photos with them. But then, suddenly, the white-haired boy walks up to him and we can see that he's not wearing a collar. 

"See? You don't belong here

You're not as perfect as them, so why don't you leave?

Maybe act a little bit more obedient next time?

Come on, just do it, just follow my lead"

Riku tries to pretend that everything is fine and it looks like he's asking what the boy needs, but then Yue hugs him tightly, making both of them fall in the process. The song stops playing for a moment.

Riku is shocked and he tries to get up, but the boy doesn't let him. Eventually, Riku gets sick of it and yells at the boy, slaps him and pushes him away. Riku breathes heavily and starts getting more and more anxious as he sees that everyone is staring at him and the boy. 

"Breathe in, breathe out

You've done this before, you can do it again

Breathe in, breathe out

And even if something goes wrong, just do it, embrace the pain"

The setting changes and now it looks like we're at Riku's house, though it looks more cool and fancy this time, he is a famous singer in his video after all. We can see Riku walking into his bedroom and he looks more pale and tired than usual and his hair is more messy. As he tries to wipe the blood under his nose with his hand, he sees his phone screen light up and checks it. He sees that everyone is talking about what happened after the concert between him and Yue and he almost drops his phone because of that.

However, he's still curious and he starts reading what the fans are saying about it and.. 

All of them are trying their best to defend him. 

They keep saying that it's the boy's fault and Riku was in the right. They say how they will support Riku no matter what and they still love him some people are even saying that they would love to take the boy's place for no particular reason at all. 

"Why are you all still fighting for me?

Why are you still trying to protect me?

Why do you still love me?"

At first Riku can't believe that this is happening, but when he understands that all of this is real.. He starts laughing. He actually looks like he has lost his mind, he can't believe that his fans are still with him even after that. 

"Look at me, I'm like a trendsetter, no matter what I do, people will follow my lead

If I say something, you will say it louder

If I hurt someone, you will make it more painful

If I kill someone, you will dance on their grave"

However, he stops laughing as he sees one person make a post saying "Shouldn't he apologize for doing that though?". He starts reading the comments under that post and sees his fans defending him and saying that there's no point in him apologizing. Riku looks relieved and he simply puts his phone back on the table.

Several days pass and it's time for another concert. Riku is seen greeting the fans again and this time he looks genuinely happy, but no, Yue is here again. Riku looks terrified and he can't move because of how scared he is. 

"What is wrong with you? Do you hate me this much?

You don't love me, I know that for sure

Your eyes are different from theirs, the way you move is different

It's like you're free, it's like I can't control you"

The boy just keeps walking up closer and closer to him and Riku sees how all of his fans are this close to killing the boy on spot for his sake. 

Riku gets an idea and as Yue is about to hug him again, he suddenly snaps his fingers and his fans' collars light up. The chorus starts playing again and this time it's louder. Suddenly, all of his fans turn into dogs and attack Yue as Riku keeps casually walking away. 

"But looks like it's time for you to get what you deserve

So get him, everyone, I'll pat you on the head later"

As the white-haired boy is getting mauled (thankfully, it's not that visible), Riku simply gets up on the stage and starts singing, but without his bandmates. His fans turn back into humans again, but even though they look like humans, it's hard to say that they're not just animals that exist only to follow Riku's orders. 

"Look at me, look at me, ignore everyone else's pain

I'm the only one you feel sorry for, I'm the only one you should pity

Don't look at anyone else, I'm the only one you need

I'll make you feel better as you make me feel worse"

They can't take their eyes off him and because of how huge the crowd is, it's hard to see the bloody mess behind them. And as if everything couldn't get worse, as Riku keeps singing, the blood on his body and clothes is becoming more and more noticeable. 

"Look at me, keep your eyes on me

Everything else is a lie, I'm the only part of your world that matters

Do you feel sorry for me yet? Do you want to forgive me?

Am I doing a good job? Does my life even matter?"

It looks like he just got some blood on himself from.. well, that boy, but as the MV continues, it's becoming more and more obvious that it's actually Riku's blood and he keeps bleeding out as he sings and dances. 

"SO JUST PRAISE ME BEFORE I FORGET HOW TO-"

Before he can finish singing, we get a close-up of him putting his hand on his throat and he realizes that he has lost his voice. The MV abruptly ends. 

[cyberpunk-20xx]

Right back where we started

2078 / 2015

(2023 | 2022)

[milk-ly]

Fuuta and Mikoto as Character Foils

This amazing post talks about Fuuta's people pleasing tendencies and they mentioned how Mikoto is simillar, but does it in a different way. And I have NOT been able to stop thinking about it so I want to get my thoughts out about how Fuuta and Mikoto are character foils to each other.

Fuuta and Mikoto are pretty much complete opposites. They parallel in that they both desperately crave societal acceptance, but they differ in how they go about it. Mikoto tries to read the room and changes every aspect of himself in order to seem more friendly and amicable to fit in. He does things based on what he SHOULD do because it’s the societally accepted way to do things and he’ll be liked for it.

Fuuta doesn’t because it’s just how he is, his naturally fiery and argumentative temperament makes it hard for people to like him. It’s not that he doesn’t want to fit in but he isn’t willing to change himself the same way Mikoto is. Mikoto is friendly and approachable while Fuuta is the complete opposite.

But here’s the thing, he IS also like Mikoto in that regard because he is seen in MILGRAM actively changing himself in order to believe that he is that idealized self in Bring It On. He tries to be a representative for everyone and confronts Es for hurting Yuno during his t1 VD, despite having to hype himself up before charging up at them.

But still, no matter how hard he tries he can’t be that idealized self. He can’t fit in, because it’s not who he is. He wants to be accepted as himself! He wants friends he can share the same interests and opinions with to feel validated.

Portal Timeline conversation (2023/07/05):

Fuuta: "Oh, well. I guess I can understand a bit now. When you're feeling down, it's nice to have someone to rely on, someone who accepts you."

It's why Mikoto thinks Fuuta’s immature because Fuuta's unable to fit into society and "be an adult" like Mikoto can. Mikoto thinks that once you grow up, you need to buckle down and start conforming or else you'll never get anywhere in life. To him, it's disgraceful to be angry because it's frowned upon, and Fuuta's pretty much in a constant state of rage, which is why Fuuta has such a hard time finding acceptance. Every time they talk, they’re criticizing each other. Their first ever conversation starts with Mikoto lecturing Fuuta about how he can’t and won’t fit in and it (rightfully) ticks him off, especially since Mikoto can. It’s why they’re at each other's throats like every time they interact (which is pretty little). Mikoto even straight up has a line in the earbud collab about how Fuuta will never get any girls.

Fuuta is constantly considered by others as “immature” and “childish” such as Kazui saying that it's okay for Fuuta to be cocky because he's young or how Fuuta is constantly linked to games (typically associated with children). Or the fact that the lyrics from Bring It On: ""Kono yubi tomare" [is] a traditional saying from a traditional kid’s game."

On the flip side, Mikoto is constantly reminding people that he’s a working adult. Not to mention, Mikoto tends to hang around the older prisoners more (the smoker trio) while Fuuta interacts with the younger prisoners the most. (Amane, Haruka, and sometimes Muu)

Mikoto wants to be a cog in the machine and believes that if he works hard enough, he'll be able to make it in the workforce. Fuuta actively criticizes the workforce and how it's useless to work too hard, so he "goes with the flow."

There are so many smaller details too that emphasize their foil. Mikoto smokes, Fuuta hates smoking. Mikoto's voice is high and whiney while Fuuta's is deep and aggressive. Fuuta has an older sister while Mikoto has a younger sister. Both their parents are divorced but Fuuta is missing his mother while Mikoto is missing his father. However, one similarity is that they both SEEM to have good opinions about their moms while having questionable ones with their dads.

Something else I think about a lot is how Fuuta parallels with John. Especially concerning these lines from John when you realize John is pretty much the opposite of Mikoto too:

John might be the person Mikoto wishes he was. Someone who stubbornly stands their ground, someone who tries stand up for themselves and “gives people their just desserts.” Sounds rather familiar to a certain red-head, I must say.

In addition, they share a lot more similarities too, like their connection to the bright colour red, contrasted by Mikoto's light blue. They both have short tempers and jump at Es as a defence mechanism, in contrast to Mikoto having a fawn response and laughing everything off. They both use the first-person pronoun "ore" while Mikoto uses "boku." Both Fuuta and John have a deeper and more aggressive tone in comparison to Mikoto. Fuuta's symbolism as a brave knight protecting the weak and punishing evil parallels John protecting the "weak" (Mikoto) and acting as his saviour from threats. Mikoto couldn't stand up for himself so John did it for him, Fuuta "stood up" for the people hurt by the actions of the people he cancelled.

To add on to that, Mikoto’s name in kanji means “noble” or “revered.” Words that remind you of royalty, or a prince. (Boy princess fr fr) John being his saviour makes him his knight in shining armour. Matching with Fuuta’s knight symbolism!

Mikoto envies these traits in Fuuta yet hates them and purposefully suppresses them within himself because it's not socially acceptable to act like him. Fuuta likely similarity envies people who can fit in, like Mikoto. Perhaps the reason why the two are so irked by the other is that they each embody traits the other admires yet can't have.

But in the end, they both can’t really fit into “normal” society. Mikoto, who claims he can, is suffering to the point of breaking. Fuuta, who tried and finally found an ounce of acceptance and ally ship in his online buddies, ended up getting carried away and causing the death of someone.

I'm really surprised I haven’t really seen this mentioned or discussed very much. Sorry if it’s really obvious, I just wanted to point some stuff out. Anyway man, I love these two a lot and I would love to see more stuff diving into these two in a canon context too.

[hectorthedoggo]

i made a litte haruka t3 vd based off of an earlier convo w @kani-miso and @chairhahaha that one time (if you guys remember that)

Broken Wings

*The interrogation starts, and Haruka is breathing heavily, shifting around in his seat. It can be interpreted as a panic attack, or some sort of crying.

*The door opens, and the warden doesn’t speak for a bit.

E: Prisoner Number 1. We cannot begin the interrogation when you’re in such a state.

*Haruka’s voice sounds broken, like he’s cried a lot over the past few minutes.

H: Warden… hey, why did you vote Mu guilty? Even though I promised that…

E: You cannot influence our verdict in such a way. We found it fit to deem her guilty, therefore your opinion is invalid.

H: Huh? I don’t… but, i have to, I have to follow through on my promise. I couldn’t do it earlier, because of the guilty restraints.

E: No.

H: Huh? What do you mean?

E: Milgram won’t permit it, I’m sure. Fights between prisoners are prohibited as long as the warden is awake, so you’ve lost your window of opportunity.

H: I don’t… understand.

E: You aren’t allowed to kill yourself, idiot.

H: Hehe… hihihi! Well, you can’t push me around! I have…

*a rustling sound is heard, and the warden gasps

E: Scissors? Where…

H: The supply closet! I can kill myself, you can’t stop me!

E: No! You’re not allowed!

H: I’ll do it now! You’re too weak to stop me.

*Sounds of a struggle, and E keeps making pained noises. Eventually, a clattering noise is heard, and the sound of the barrier rings out.

*They sound physically in pain, speech occasionally interrupted by small gasps of pain.

E: Ow… hah. Haruka. You can’t take the scissors. We have them now. You’re not getting them back. Hm… I wonder if I could ask Milgram to take the supply closet… it’s such a bother.

*H sounds pained.

H: Warden! You have to understand! I made a promise, I have to follow through! Besides…

E: …

H: Besides, the voices tell me that I don’t deserve to live. That I’m too crazy for society, because I killed all of those animals. I was right, earlier. There’s no way that my true self will ever be forgiven.

I'm so tired of this constant talking, they’re right. And… Mahiru didn't deserve to die.. it should've been me.. i should join her, to fulfill my promise.

E: ! Ma…hiru…

* their voice sounds a little surprised, almost like they’ve been struck.

H: It’s hard, without her. She was so nice. I want to join her, and me being here doesn’t help anything. Everyone would be happier if I died.

E: Don’t… don’t…

H: Are you okay? I… I understand!

*A small rustling is heard

*their breathing is heavy

E: Get off… get off of me. Don’t hug me like that, it won’t work. I’m not going to-

H: It’s not for that! Hugs mean to make everything feel better! It’s a goodbye hug. Mahiru always said-

E: Shut up!

*They hit Haruka, but that’s not enough for them. They tackle him, in what is most definitely not a hug, and starts to pathetically beat him up.

H: Ow! Why are you-

E: I hate people like you! First, it was Shidou, now you, stupidly sacrificial, having no regard for the other’s emotions! Don’t you dare insult Mah- no, we’re not… we’re not supposed to… we just hate you. We, the warden, need no justification for beating up rowdy prisoners.

*Haruka makes little noises of pain, matching E’s.

*Suddenly, the door opens.

Kz: Hey! Hey! What’s going on here. Es, get off.

*A little struggle is heard, but Kazui quickly gets them off of their victim.

E: Kazui… why… no, you’re too much of a coward to go into the room yourself. Who sent you?

Kz: I’m not saying. Es, why were you-

E: It was Kotoko, wasn’t it? Guilty verdict wasn’t enough to get her off her high horse? Heh, i wonder why they decided to vote you innocent, if you keep interfering like this.

K: !

E: You stupid prisoners. Always interfering. What we do is not your business.

Haruka: Es…

E: We aren’t Es. K: ! What?!

H: W… what? Then, who are you?

E: The warden. Of MILGRAM. We don’t need a name, Es is simply a label.

K: like… amane-chan… but worse

E: What was that? (rhetorical)

H : He said you’re like Amane, but worse.

E: Shut up, the both of you ! Milgram is much nobler than a group of cartoon characters with a bunch of philosophies attached to them! What Milgram is doing, is fully, absolutely, right. Of course it would be! Otherwise, well…

It would be…

*they lose their spark

I wouldn’t be…

*awkward silence

No, no. what milgram is doing has to be right. Otherwise, I would…

*their voice breaks at the end. they slap themself.

Stop that. No. Anyways, Kazui, please get out of the room. I apologize for my earlier outburst. I will not resort to such violence, again. Haruka. Do not touch me.

K: As long as you promise to not attack Haruka.

E: As long as Haruka doesn’t touch me again.

H: I… I won’t?

E: Alright. Kazui. Leave.

K: If I hear more struggle-

E: Leave.

K: Okay.

* He leaves.

E: Ah… what are we supposed to do with you… 

*The bell rings

ack!

H: Are you alright?

E: Shut up… shut up… you all aren’t supposed to… I thought you-

H: ?

E: Shut up!

* They start to breathe heavily.

H: Is it… the…

E: That’s none of your business! I… we don’t have the same problems as you prisoners- ack!

H: … um… Warden?

E: Shut up!

H: Okay…

E: I- I- get it! Okay!

H: Um, sorry. Who are you talking to?

E: That’s… none of your business. Let’s just get this overwith, I- we can’t be doing this right now.

Now, prisoner number one, sing your sins!

[linabirb]

how to write characters, voice dramas and mvs for your ocgram! (kind of? sort of? i'm not an expert?)

do you want to make an ocgram? do you have no idea where to start? maybe you don't know how to come up with characters for your ocgram? voice dramas are way too hard to write? how the hell are you even supposed to write mvs??

well hello there! i hope this guide can help you with doing just that!

as someone who has an ocgram (@linagram hi) and is currently trying to get everything prepared for season 3, i also was struggling. a lot. i'm kinda getting better at organizing everything now, but still, all the work you need or supposed to do for ocgram can be overwhelming, especially if you don't really have much prepared at the moment and you're just getting started.

before we proceed, if you're able to make art, edits or any other visuals for your ocgram, i recommend checking out this guide by @tsuwmya, it has a lot of useful info, references and resources. if you can't do any of that, that's fine too! you having fun with creating is more important and if you don't have the ability to create visuals, that's perfectly understandable. this guide is more about the writing part anyway, haha.

let's get started!

(warning for some spoilers for the milgram novels (at least the first one) just in case!)

this guide will be separated into parts so that it's easier to understand and you can find the part that you think is the most difficult one for you.

worldbuilding.

before we start working on characters and voice dramas, let's say you're just starting out. you want to make an ocgram, but you don't even know where to begin!

now, this is probably going to sound a little scary, but what i recommend doing before writing characters, vds and mvs is some worldbuilding. no, no, i'm not telling you to figure out everything about your ocgram lore (but if you want to, feel free to do so! i actually think it's gonna help you a lot in the future), but try to answer these questions first.

"when does your ocgram take place?"

it can be as specific as a certain date or it can be as vague as "some time before/after canongram". canongram lore doesn't really give us much info to work with so you can go wild. but figuring out even something as simple as whether your ocgram takes place before canongram or after can actually help you a lot!

"is your ocgram closer to canongram or novelgram?"

the music project and the novels' settings have their differences and both settings have their strengths. you don't have to write mvs for the novels-like ocgram, though you will still have to write the memory scenes. also, for a novel-like ocgram your characters are expected to be named after some sort of adjective that could describe their personality or be a reference to their crime/backstory (example: "nervous", "gentle", "two-side"), but their names are still supposed to be revealed closer to the end. meanwhile canongram uses the voice dramas, timeline convos and mvs (and apparently earbuds voicelines) to tell you more about the characters. figuring out the "format" of your ocgram like that can help you a lot too.

now, you have figured out these details. great! if you're feeling like writing more about how your ocgram works, let's think about these parts more.

is your ocgram just like the milgram project you've chosen as a "base"? maybe it even has the same jackalope? is the guard still named "es"? maybe there's more than one guard and more or less than ten (or five in case of novelgram, if i remember correctly) prisoners? does the prison still look exactly the same? maybe something has changed over the months or years? all of this depends on your own preferences and what you decide to do with the story. you can make your ocgram as different from canongram or as similar as you like.

again, we don't know much about canongram at the moment, so don't be afraid of coming up with the whole backstory for the prison.

when you feel like your world is ready, it's time to fill it with characters!

characters.

oh boy, the fun begins. i'm not your mom, so you can do anything you want with your ocs, but if you don't have any character concepts in mind and you don't know what to do, here are some tips!

(we're going with the canongram formula here, but you can adjust it as needed)

as you probably already know, the canongram prisoner pairs have some sort of theme. both haruka and yuno's crimes have something to do with children. both fuuta and muu's crimes have something to do with bullying. you see what i mean. figuring out themes for your prisoners could be a nice start if you don't really have any characters in mind. pick themes that sound interesting to you and that you would like to explore more.

let's go with the theme of "luck" for example. how can two (or one, or three, or any number, really) prisoners share the same theme? how can you show that? maybe one of them is really lucky and the other one is extremely unlucky?

okay, but here's the fun part. how can you apply this theme to murder? maybe one of them was able to successfully get away with murder, meanwhile the other one accidentally killed someone because of their bad luck? and this way you can come up with really cool characters even if you didn't have any ideas in mind before that!

okay, so the milgram's whole thing is that all characters are morally gray in some way. and the character's moral "grayness" is a spectrum. for example, it can go from "eh, they shouldn't be here, honestly" white to "okay this one is kinda fucked up" gray to "JAIL. NOW. OH WAIT YOU ALREADY ARE THERE" black. but again, even the sweetest and kindest characters should have their questionable moments and even the scariest and most dangerous ones should have moments that make you feel sorry for them.

let's take some canongram prisoners as an example. we have haruka. an adorable squishy blorbo, everyone's skrunkly, the guy who everybody kins. don't you feel sorry for him? don't you want to give him a hug? oh, he kills animals, by the way. he also killed a young girl. just so you know.

now, we have muu. a spoiled teenage girl who always get the things she wants and is proud of it. a girl who literally said she's okay with haruka killing himself for her. literally has a song called "it's not my fault". cries every time a minor inconvenience happens and whenever someone suggests something to her, she just goes "i don't wanna..". her father is a landlord. except she also got bullied by her own friends, doesn't understand how real friendships and human connections work, still brings haruka food and checks up on him when nobody else does and it's heavily implied she actually does feel guilty for killing rei. yeah.

my own personal formula goes like this: i come up with a character. i write some things about them and then i take a look at their crime and personality and if i feel like they're a bit too sympathetic, i add a little bit of spice so that it isn't so easy to forgive them.

let's take my oc aimi for example!

she's such a cutie, isn't she? she's also a victim of bullying too.. oh, also she has the biggest number of victims out of all my prisoners. she also seems to be very obsessed with the concept of friendship and if you refuse to be her friend, she will not take it well. she will most likely try to kill all other prisoners in season 3 or at least hurt them in some way because she doesn't see them as friends anymore. she's been voted innocent twice. she has way too much power in her hands at the moment.

okay! now, let's take my oc kei!

a pretty guy! seems like the flirty type. oh, by the way, he takes photos of people being tortured and that's how he makes money (not counting his job as. well. a normal photographer). "oh, well, maybe he didn't have a choice-" he did. he literally does it because he wants to. he likes it. he enjoys it more than his boss. he likes seeing people in pain and believes that hurting someone means showing you love them. he physically and emotionally abused his own little brother for years and the poor guy still can't walk and move properly because of it. he has five victims.

but for some reason, he also has these huge scars on his back. he also was shown crying in his second mv. he was shown as someone helpless and someone who ended up in a very dangerous situation because of his victims. so.. is he the real victim here? or is he just trying to look more pitiful?

i think you're already starting to understand what i mean. of course, you have all the freedom to do anything you want with your characters. make them as dangerous or as cute as you like. but if you want them to have this "milgram vibe", i suggest you try to find "balance" between their traits that make them look forgivable and the ones that make them look unforgivable!

we can't forget about the guards though! does your guard have all their memories intact? do they remember their name, their past, etc? maybe they're just like the canon es and they don't remember anything at all? do they have their own jackalope or maybe they do their job without a fluffy little bunny around? what is their role here? are they more of a "self-insert"/"audience surrogate" or are they their own character with a backstory and everything? maybe they're an active type who has very deep relationship dynamics with the prisoners and talks to them a lot even when they're not interrogating them? or maybe they're just a creacher? maybe they just do their job and don't really talk to them? they're just standing there.. menacingly.. all of this is up to you to decide!

of course, the relationship dynamics between the characters are very important! first of all, look at your overall cast, when you're done with them. what kind of relationship do you imagine them having? maybe you see them as a found family? maybe all of them are friends? maybe all of them are kissing passionately in the moonlight? maybe all of them hate each other? maybe they even don't care about each other at all! again, it's all your choice and it depends on what kind of characters you're working with.

if you're stuck and you're not sure where to begin, i think a good start would be taking a look at your prisoner pairs and try to figure out the dynamic between the prisoners from each pair. what are their parallels like? how similar are they? how different? do they like each other because of their similarities/differences or they hate each other because of them?

okay, so when you're done with characters, a much scarier part appears.

plot.

so, what do you write first? is it the voice dramas? maybe mvs?

i think it really depends on a person and what you personally find most comfortable, but from my own experience i actually would advise you to work on the vds and mvs first before writing and posting a character's profile.

you see, it's possible that while you're in the process of writing the voice drama, you will notice that the character's personality is much different from what you had written in their profile and originally had in mind for them. of course, it doesn't mean that it will definitely happen to you, but this happened to a lot of my ocs, haha.

so that this doesn't happen but you also have an idea of how your character is supposed to act, try writing down or simply making a mental note about your oc's main personality traits. maybe they're the most extroverted one? maybe they get tired easily? maybe they flirt with everyone they meet? keep those traits in mind, but also give yourself the freedom to explore their character and make them more deep in the process. maybe while you write the most extroverted prisoner's voice drama, you will realize that they actually don't like other prisoners that much or while you write the sleepy prisoner's voice drama, you will get an idea about them not wanting to face their reality and use sleeping as a method of escapism.

if it helps, i personally work on my ocgram in this order: voice dramas > music videos > character profiles, but of course, you can adjust it to your preference.

i think it should be obvious that you should work on the characters' crimes and backstories before you actually start writing the voice dramas and posting stuff about them. sure, you can make it up as you go, if you're confident enough, but i strongly recommend you have a plan or at least a concept of what your character's crime is supposed to be. it will make everything much easier for you!

about backstories: you don't have to, i don't know, come up with names for every single member of your character's family, but i recommend thinking about your oc's backstory outside of their crime. what was their childhood like? what about their teenage years? do they have any friends? what's their relationship with their family like? all these details can help you understand your character's motives, personality, crime and other stuff. also it's simply fun!

so, let's start with the voice dramas.

voice dramas.

(i've also answered a vd-related question here!)

voice dramas can be very hard to write, so let's think about what makes them hard for you first.

maybe you just don't have any ideas? maybe you don't know what the characters are supposed to talk about?

what personally helps me when i start writing the voice dramas is asking myself this question:

"why are these guys even here?"

probably sounds weird, but if you think about it, it actually makes everything a little easier to understand.

why is the guard here? most likely to interrogate the prisoner.

why is the prisoner here? most likely to answer the guard's questions.

okay, we're getting somewhere.

now, how would your guard interrogate the prisoner? of course, it really depends on your guard's personality. maybe they would try to make the prisoner feel more comfortable? or would they rather threaten them and scare them?

now, let's add the prisoner's personality to this equation. what is your prisoner like? how would they react to the guard's questions? what do they think about the guard? are they scared of them? maybe they want to be friends with them? what do they think about milgram in general?

let's put these personalities in one room now and give them a moment. how will they interact? what will they think about each other?

if you're not sure what your guard is supposed to ask about, you can always use the canon voice dramas for reference, but my personal method is simply thinking about what my guard is most concerned about or interested in. and yes, this goes for the guards who don't care about anything too!

maybe your guard wants to make sure the prisoners are doing okay? in this case, they'd probably want to ask about how they're feeling first. or maybe your guard is more focused on the prisoner's crime. then they'd probably start asking about that right away.

okay, your guard has asked a question! how will the prisoner answer?

depending on your prisoner's crime, personality and backstory, they may be okay with revealing some things, but would never want to talk about something else. maybe they're okay with talking about their murder method, their victim and all, but they will never tell you what their motive is. if you're only getting started with the first season, try to reveal something they're okay with first! then you can talk about the other things in later seasons.

what helps me a lot is separating my prisoners' crimes into parts and sort of.. figuring out which parts should be revealed very early and which ones should be saved for later.

for example, maybe we can reveal the prisoner's murder weapon and method in the first season, their victim's identity in the second one and their motive in the third one.

what also helps me with writing the voice dramas is simply "visualizing" everything and imagining how it would go in a visual novel, anime, actual voice drama, etc. also remember that since it's a voice drama, you're kinda supposed to tell everything through sounds and, well, voices! so for example, if you want to tell the reader that the prisoner is nervous, maybe you can make the guard say "you look nervous" or simply make the prisoner say "i'm kinda nervous".

music videos.

mvs are something everyone does a bit differently. maybe you can actually draw/animate your prisoners' mvs. maybe you can write song lyrics for them. maybe you can simply write their mvs' descriptions. it all depends on your skills and what you're working with. so here i will simply talk about how to come up with an idea for a music video.

firstly, what are you supposed to reveal in your prisoner's mv? is it their murder method? is it their victim's identity? maybe something else? keep that in mind so that it's easier for you to drop hints to that thing.

now, what can we do for the visual part? is there anything you associate with the prisoner? a certain theme, aesthetic, etc? even simple objects can help, think about how many canongram prisoners have an object as their "theme": yuno has balloons, muu has an hourglass, kazui has an apple, etc. now, try to think how you can reveal something about the prisoner through this theme. for example, in yuno's case, balloons are a reference to her pregnancy. milgram loves symbolism, so take advantage of that, haha.

what also helps me a lot is simply listening to music that i associate with that prisoner and kinda coming up with music videos in the process. watching actual music videos can also help when you're looking for inspiration.

also, don't forget that everyone's music videos literally come from their brains. what does your prisoner think about their crime? what do they remember about it? how do they feel about it? do they feel guilty? do they feel like they've done nothing wrong? do they wish to forget it? do they see it as their biggest achievement? it can also help with writing song lyrics, if you're doing that.

if you're writing a mv description and you're not drawing/animating a music video, i would advise you to try to describe as many things as possible, as long as it's important. yes, we all love noticing small details while rewatching the milgram mvs, we all love the tiny things that are important for understanding the character's crime, but sadly, if we can't see it, how else are we supposed to know about it? so yeah, if the color of the curtains is important in your story, you should describe it too.

anddddd i think that's all for now! this is mostly done for people who haven't gotten to the second/third seasons of their ocgrams yet, so stuff like the prisoners' reactions to their verdicts, their punishments, etc, is not here. but you can ask me about it (and if you have any other questions, you can also ask me)!

hopefully this helps someone <3

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

is everyone in milgram just dead

Okay I'm making this post because while I'm not sure how much I believe this, it's a possibility that's been eating at my head for a while, so I gotta share it somewhere even if it's not the most solid theory in the world.

So anyways, hello members of the jury! Today I want to discuss the weirdly recurring theme of the prisoners in Milgram possibly being dead, and Milgram being some sort of afterlife thing. Given the fact it clearly has some supernatural elements, it certainly isn't impossible. So let's get into it!

CW Death, murder and suicide, abortion, child abuse, drowning, cults and indoctrination, waterboarding, gang violence

Yuno and the Allegations

The biggest hint that at least some of the prisoners might be dead is the in Yuno's second VD, Absolute Zero.

Yuno: Oh! Also, that reminds me, there was one thing I'm curious about. Es: What? Go ahead and say it. Y: Am I…really alive? E: That's…what do you…. Y: Hm…if you don't know, then it's fine. E: Yuno…. Y: Hey, it's time, right? E: Y-yes. Prisoner number 2, Yuno. Sing your sins.

Weird thing to say, really. So, presumably, she has some reason to believe she might be dead. Which is especially worrying because Yuno is one of the most intelligent and perceptive prisoners in Milgram, and might even have higher awareness of some of the more supernatural/meta elements of the series, as seen by images from both her cover songs appearing in Umbilical and Tear Drop.

All this is to say, if Yuno has reason to believe she might be dead, we have reason to believe so as well.

There are two points of Yuno's story were I feel she could have died. One is during her abortion, given a question from Trial 2.

(T2) Q20: Did you hate the person you killed?

Y: It was too much of a pain to for me to think about anything.

So her abortion was painful, which likely means it wasn't done in a hospital, as professional abortions typically don't cause too much pain in the moment (source), even if they can cause cramping or discomfort in the recovery period. If it wasn't done professionally, and it hurt a lot, it's very possible she may have died while performing it.

However, because of a few things we'll talk about later, I'm not sure this is very likely. The answer I find more likely is that, unfortunately, she may have committed suicide by jumping off the staircase we see her standing on in her Undercover silhouette shot.

For one, because what the hell would this shot even be otherwise. I've seen people suggest infanticide as opposed to abortion, but that wouldn’t cause physical pain (you could argue that answer is about emotional pain, but I'm not sure how much that works), it doesn't match her kill-shot in Undercover, and she herself has claimed her "muder" was abortion (and I don't see reason for her to lie about that). It also doesn't seem likely she would get pregnant more than once, seeing this question:

(T2) Q10: If you could turn back time, would you commit the same murder once again?

Y: I'd make sure that I won't have to commit it. That's it.

So, then, what the hell is up with that Undercover shot? Usually they say something important about the prisoner or their crime, but it really doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything.

This is where I bring up that Yuno falls off a staircase at the end of Umbilical.

Like, obviously this is more meant to be metaphorical, as in Yuno "slipped up" and now has to avoid falling by grabbing the balloon, which ends up destroying the staircase which had previously been related to the mixing of DNA (long story). But... she still is falling from a staircase. That is what is happening in the video. This is a silly argument, but it does exist.

Now, there's a few other things which could imply this, but that will have to wait for a moment. So while there is very little evidence for now, I'd say this is the most likely reason for why Yuno believes she may be dead. Especially given she might have depression (check out this cool post by weather-cluddy), her comitting suicide is sort of the best guess we can make I feel.

Nevertheless, no matter the reason why, Yuno believes she may be dead, which opens the door to other characters, if not all of them, to be dead as well. Let's take a look at the other prisoner most likely to actually be dead in my opinion, and see if we can establish a pattern.

Haruka's Worrying Situation

I believe, even if no one else is dead, it is highly likely Haruka attempted suicide. I am not going to go too in-depth in here, because moibakadesu already made a really good post about it, which is where I got the theory from in the first place. In fact, the idea Haruka may have at least attempted suicide has existed ever since Trial 1, check out this cool post by Venus from thinkin-bout-milgram. Here's a summary of what the main points of the theory are:

-The repeated motif of water and drowning could indicate the way Haruka killed himself, especially since he lived in Naogaka, Niigata, known as the "city of water."

-Haruka repeatedly attacks and even strangles a younger version of himself in Weakness, in one occasion alongside the lyric "I've become a victim, I've become a victim."

-The young girl in Weakness might actually be a representation of the "ideal Haruka", as he's stated his mother wanted a daughter instead of a son (I don't actually agree with this part, I do think the girl is a literal girl Haruka killed, due to several lines from his VDs, such as him saying Amane "brings back bad memories." However, it's still a possibility)

-The nonchalance with which Haruka speaks of comitting suicide in his second MV, Metamorphosis of the Weak, could imply he's already done it once.

-The line "if with one click, and I can reset everything" in AKAA can be more directly translated to "if with the push of one button I could be reborn", which paired with butterflies being symbols of death and rebirth and being connected to Haruka because of the name of his second VD, could imply Haruka died and was reborn.

-Haruka standing on a chair in AKAA as his shadow lines up with the shadow of the bars in the window to create the ilusion he has a noose around his neck.

-At the end of AKAA, Haruka is surrounded in what looks to be formaldehyde, which is used to preserve the corpses of dead animals, while the aforementioned "I could be reborn" lyric plays.

As you can see, there's a lot here, which is why I think it is highly likely Haruka comitted suicide.

There is an issue with bringing this theory in, which is that part of the theory is that Haruka's silhouette in the Undercover shot doesn't have white noise, which separates him from the others and could imply he's a victim like Hinako and Mahiru's boyfriend, who similarly have no white noise. The problem for our purposes is that this theory assumes a lot of the other prisoners, such as Yuno, may have committed suicide as well, creating an inconsistency with this point. I don't have a good answer for this, beyond a really odd, Hamlet-esque "Haruka is a victim of his own madness" kind of thing which doesn't work very well, so unless any of you have another explanation, it's best for this theory to just sorta ignore the white noise thing.

So, now we have two prisoners who very likely died before Milgram. This vaguely establishes a possible pattern: what if all the prisoners were taken right as they died?

Muu’s Mysterious Memory Mishaps

Es: You said you wanted to go back home, right? And, "suppose" we did let you… Even if you were to leave this place, you'll then have a brush with the police, won't you? Muu: *Surprised* E: I mean, you've killed someone anyway, so are the police not making a move in regards to that? M: Well, I don't know. As of now, I don't have a clear memory of what happened after I did it. And then before I knew it, I was here. E: Is… that so? M: You guys should've known that, being the ones who brought me here after all.

This line from Muu’s first VD has always intrigued me. Muu doesn’t have a very good reason to be lying here when seen in full context, so she’s likely telling the truth. But, why? Why doesn’t Muu remember anything clearly after her crime, and why was she taken so quickly after committing it?

First idea is that perhaps all the prisoners are simply taken right after the murder they’re in Milgram for; even in the case of multiple murders, you can say Milgram just decided to take them for the last one exclusively.

However, Shidou serves as a counter example, because of the ending of Throw Down.

It’s a pretty simple logical progression. Shidou has no reason to kill after the flower person dies, so their death is after his last murder most likely, and yet he does remember it happening. Thus, Shidou has a memory of something which happened an undetermined amount of time after his final murder.

That means the "fuzzy memories" thing isn't universal. This can also be vaguely inferred by the attitudes certain prisoners have regarding their "murder(s)", like Kazui for example.

Now, you could argue Muu simply doesn't remember well because of the Trauma, and she just happened to get taken shortly after her murder. However, there is a chance now that there is a reason she was taken shortly after her murder.

You know what this post is about. You know what I'm about to imply. So I'll make the observation now:

In It's Not my Fault, one of Muu's shoes is off after she kills Rei. And we have seen this imagery of "one shoe off" to represent suicide before.

It's common in Japan to take both shoes off before comitting suicide, but if you want to read into only one of the shoes being off, you could argue it represents they're "half-suicides", as Milgram also considers them murders. In that sense, you (or Muu) could argue were Muu to commit suicide after killing Rei, then she would also become "Rei's victim", the same way Hinako and Mahiru's boyfriend are Kazui and Mahiru's victims.

This idea that Muu might still be a victim in the situation could also be implied by the lyrics here:

[It's Not my Fault] It’s not my fault after all, after all. Everyone wants me to be innocent. What a relief. Can’t be helped. I’m always meant to be pitied!

(Btw I'm using the fan translation in the wiki because the English subs in that video are... odd)

Yes that sentiment is repeated a lot during the song, but Muu does shout "I'm always meant to be pitied" ("I'm always the drama queen") at the top of her lungs here.

Now, the shoe thing isn't quite like that in After Pain, but we never actually see Muu's shoes in the real world, only in the blank inner world with the broken hourglass, and there are other inconsistencies with reality there, namely Rei's body's position.

You can see her right shoe is on there, but again, this scene isn't real.

The concerning thing is that apart from that, After Pain does not help Muu beat the suicide allegations.

In particular, look at the scene of the photo I put there. You can see there's a bunch of people judging Muu for her murder, as it's usually not considered a socially acceptable thing to do. But, hold on, didn't Muu say she didn't remember anything after her murder? Correct! That means she doesn't remember this "judgement" happening, but she imagined it would. Perhaps that's what the one line means:

[After Pain] Counterattack being a suicide note

Counterattacking Rei, killing her, is social suicide. For obvious reasons.

...

But it's still called a suicide note, which is not a good look. And yes, I do think the Japanese lyric explicitly references death, though take that with a lot of salt since that's just Google Translate and DeepL talking.

In fact, that entire set of lyrics is pretty odd.

[After Pain] Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me Postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”

"Meeting up inside the pain" probably refers to hurting Rei, so now they're hurting together. The "stabbing of a little devil's voice" is probably referring to dangerous impulses, so murderous thoughts. "Counterattack being a suicide note", already explained. "I love YOU", because Muu is a girlkisser.

But the "postmortem makeup" is odd. You could argue the "death" which happened before the "makeup" was applied was the "death" of Muu's reputation, her old persona. Rei "killed" "that Muu", and now Muu is hiding her real feelings with "postmortem makeup."

But then, why would the method to solve it be a secret? Who is she keeping it secret from? Rei, and all of Muu's old 'friends', all know what lies beyond that makeup, they all saw what Muu was like before Rei stepped in.

That means there's another interpretation. If her real feelings are a secret, there's only one person they would be a secret from. Es (and us by extension). In a way, After Pain is hiding part of her heart, the less sympathetic parts shown in full in It's Not My Fault. Muu being a bully was already implied in After Pain, mind you, but it was still relatively "hidden", at least compared to It's Not my Fault.

And if that is the way we're meant to read that line, we run into the allegations again. If the makeup is for Milgram, and it's "postmortem" makeup, then Muu is already dead.

And that's without mentioning how much After Pain seems to imply suicidal tendencies in general.

[After Pain] If I was gone, If I had just disappeared I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed

I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable, someone please help me

Maybe I’m done Just one more time before saying goodbye I’m just kidding, please forget I said that

The only lyric that doesn't seem to imply it is:

I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?

But feeling alive and being alive isn't quite the same, right? You can be alive without feeling alive, and if someone doesn't feel alive, it's possible they're not a very good state of mind.

So, what could this all imply? If we're going with the idea of murder-suicide, it's possible Muu was very worried about how people would hate her after the murder, as implied by After Pain, decided she didn't want to deal with that, and unfortunately made the decision to kill herself.

One small thing which could serve as a counterpoint is her Trial 1 Voice Reveal distorted line.

Fufufu... It's your fault... for doing horrible things to me.

She seems pretty sure of herself here, and it's very likely this is after her murder. But it's perfectly possible she said this initially, then thought about the social consequences, and that's when she started to feel bad. It's also worth noting the only time in It's Not my Fault where Muu seems to hesitate is right after her murder.

[It's Not my Fault] Wait, wait, just as a hypothetical. What should I do if I’m actually a bad girl? Don’t ever hate me, and don’t look for what lies “after and from” the pain.

This is immediately after the murder, when she comes out of a caccoon, presumably her arriving at Milgram. So, she was initally confident, that's when she says "I’m always meant to be pitied!" in It's Not my Fault and presumably her Voice Reveal line, then hesitated and started to feel awful as we see in After Pain.

... Well, there's also the way more uncharitable reading where Muu killed herself so people also pitied her instead of just hating her for killing Rei, but that's a bit too dark and in bad faith for my tastes. It is there, though.

So, yeah, Muu may be dead too. And she brings with her an interesting implication; the prisoners may not have clear memories of the events leading up to their death. So, even if some of them committed suicide, it's possible they simply don't remember ever taking the decision to do so, explaining their behavior in the prison.

And it also could explain away... one apparent contradiction. One which exists outside of this theory, but that this theory could explain.

Amane and the Voice Reveal Trailers

As most of you know, the Voice Reveal trailers for all these characters contain certain distorted phrases which in general seem closely linked to their murder. And as pointed out by blueepink07 in this post, it seems the First Trial Voice Reveals are things the prisoners said after their murder, while the Second Trial ones are showing a point before their murder. Check out Kazui's, for example.

(T1) "I'm so dumb... Why did I have to dream?"

(T2) "Hinako, I love you more than anything."

There's also Muu's, since I've already brought it up before.

(T1) "Fufufu... It's your fault... for doing horrible things to me."

(T2) "Hey..why don't you listen to me...? I'm telling you... Hey...HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU"

The second being right before she killed Rei.

That works well enough for all the prisoners... except Amane.

(T1) "Ahh! I'm so sorry...! I'm sorry...! I'm sorry for breaking the rules!"

(T2) "Father is a very praiseworthy person. Once [my/his] virtue increases, he'll come back home, right? It's a little lonely, but I'm fine!"

In theory, Amane would have been punished before her murder, as we see happen after she heals the cat in the taser scene. Meanwhile, if she's lonely without her father, it could perhaps be because her mother is dead after Things Happened (yes I'm going with Mother!Victim theory on this one).

But that's not the case. Following the pattern, the line about her father coming home at some point is before her murder, and apparently, she was punished for breaking some kind of rule after her murder. The implication here, horrid as it is, could be that her father returned home after she killed her mother and punished her for doing so.

Thankfully, this is impossible. After all:

(T1) Q18: Do you regret your "murder"?

A: No. It was a natural obligation.

(T2) Q3: State the name of your victim.

A: There is no victim. Only the punished.

(Taking some liberties on the translation of Trial 2 since the questions are still coming out as I write this)

So Amane genuinely believes she was following her cult's principles to a T when she killed her mom. As much as that likely isn't the case (long story), if she had gotten punished for killing her mom, then she wouldn't think like this. If she had been punished for it, she wouldn't think her murder was a "natural obligation", but rather a mistake on her part.

What this implies is that Amane doesn't remember being punished by her father.

...

Amane... doesn't remember...

Fuck.

Yeah, remember when I said it was possible the prisoners don't have clear memories of the events leading up to their death? Going by the "T1 after - T2 before" logic the Voice Reveals seem to follow, we can infer Amane was likely punished for killing her mother, but we also know she can't remember it happening, otherwise she would regret it. And based on what we learnt from Muu, we do have a way to explain how that could happen. If Amane died while receiving the punishment the T1 Voice Reveal alludes to, she wouldn't have a clear memory of it.

And the thing is, it does seem likely Amane received this punishment. Think about it. Interrogation questions are one thing, since the creators don't fully control them, but why mention her father would possibly return home in the Voice Reveal trailer? Unless he did. Hell, you could argue we might know the exact moment he returned. Amane does look at the entrance of her apartment at the end of Purge March, though that could simply be for dramatic effect rather than being a literal thing which happened.

But there's more. Because if her father returned home, we might actually have an answer for another one of the mysteries surrounding Amane's situation. The Undercover prisoner card.

The image on her card seems to show a bathroom. It is widely assumed the images on these cards are the location the murders happened in, but to my knowledge, this isn't 100% confirmed. However, this creates a small issue with Amane. Just looking at the murder shot in Purge March is enough to confirm that.

I made a more detailed theory on her murder on this post, diagrams included (scroll to the bottom if you're only interested on the murder), but for now, there are two things to note here. One, there's a trail of water which seems to come out of the door with the light on, as the puddles are bigger the closer they get to it, implying that room is the bathroom. And two, the room the murder actually happened in seems to have a window/door behind a curtain, which isn't what Amane's bathroom looks like.

Adittionally, there isn't any blood outside of the murder room, implying the victim's body wasn't dragged there.

All this seems to imply Amane's victim didn't die in the bathroom, which is sorta a problem considering the previously mentioned commonly accepted theory. But this idea that Amane may have died while being punished, perhaps while being drowned as we know that's one of the accepted methods of punishment in her cult, brings up a different possibility.

What if the images in the prisoner cards aren't showing murder location? What if they show the last place the prisoner was seen in, the place they died?

Kotoko, Mikoto, and the Prisoner Cards

So, first, is there any indication either of these might be dead? For Mikoto, not really. Sure, there's the whole Death card at the end of MeMe thing, but that doesn't have to be taken so literally.

Kotoko has a very little potential hint in the fact she's shown alongside a wolf at the start of HARROW, but by the end the wolf is by itself. If the wolf represents a potential partner (long story), then maybe Kotoko died?

Though you can easily argue the wolf is slightly different and thus is meant to just represent Kotoko.

However, the reason I'm bringing them into this is because their prisoner cards are completely nonsensical under "murder location" theory for the images shown. Let's start with Kotoko.

It shows an alleyway, which at first seems like it makes sense. We do see her attacking a man in an alleyway. However, after that happens, one of the pieces of background text says this:

◆ A wanted thief was assaulted by an unknown assailant Early yesterday morning, a nearby shop employee reported hearing screaming and seeing a man lying on the ground. According to the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, the man had lost consciousness after being beaten on his face, stomach, and other areas, and was taken to the hospital. The police are currently trying to identify the suspect. [...] According to previous investigations, the male victim was wanted throughout Tokyo for theft and assault charges and was identified as the suspect, Mikio Oshii.

(Translation by Maristelina)

Mikio Oshii is the name of the man Kotoko assaulted in the alleyway. It seems odd to me that we would learn he was taken to the hospital if he later died in it somehow, especially because Kotoko didn't want to kill him. We can clearly see this because of a crucial difference between her attack on him and her attack on the serial killer who likely is her victim.

She covers her face while attacking Oshii, because she doesn't want to be recognized. She is committing assault, after all. However, that only matters if she's planning to keep him alive. Conversely, she doesn't cover her face while attacking the serial killer, because she knows he won't be a witness. She went into that warehouse planning to kill.

Of course, she could have accidentally done too much damage, but the issue there is that she would probably express some remorse in that case. She doesn't, and the fact she only ever talks about one victim-

[TASK (T1 VD)] I did kill someone. [...] I don't have a single regret.

-it really seems like Oshii was able to survive her attack.

That creates an issue with her prisoner card. It shows an alleyway, but her only victim died in a warehouse. As confusing as that sequence is, he did die in the warehouse.

You know when we do see an alleyway again, though?

But she's not wearing her face covering. And if this was the alley with the one sign about a car accident that shows up over and over in HARROW, I'd imagine we'd see the sign, even if it was obscured in some way. So once again, a silhouette shot which seems to have nothing to do with her murder or her general situation.

So, is it possible she died in this alleyway? That's the only other reason I can imagine why it'd show up in her prisoner card, so. As for what exactly happened, I imagine she may have been murdered at the whim of her victim's father?

Shocking revelation: The heinous criminal behind the crime is the privileged son of a high-ranking official!

(Article referring to Kotoko's victim)

So, she got found out and immediately assassinated? It's a bit out there, but it would explain both her prisoner card and her attitude in the prison.

And then there's Mikoto.

As you can see, his card shows a street. The issue with Mikoto is one of format. The cards only ever show one location, but we know Mikoto has at least two victims.

[Text: To the right, the Subway Murder, which clearly has a ceiling. The murderer has blood on his right cheek, his left cheek is hidden. There's also the bathhtub scene, where the right cheek is hidden, but the left cheek has blood already trailing off, which doesn't quite fit what we see in the other murder if you think about the bath chronologically.

To the left, a murder out in the street, with an open sky. The murderer has blood on their left cheek, but not on their right. This is seen in both the crime and the shower scene]

So yeah, at least two. You could argue the bathtub murder is actually a third one, which... huh. Two things that absolutely exist and a Secret Third Thing, the existance of which is disputed? Trikoto vibes.

Point is, Mikoto has two different murder locations at least. The street, yes, but also the subway. This creates a problem with the "images in the prisoner cards are murder locations" idea, because it only shows one. You could try to gymnastics your way out of this by saying maybe Hostkoto committed the street murder while Orekoto killed the other victim(s), and because only Hostkoto is considered a prisoner by Milgram, only his murder is shown? But I feel that raises more questions than it answers.

Instead, if we assume the images to be death locations, the ambiguity disappears, because Mikoto as a system can only have one death location. The issue is you have to explain how Mikoto died in the middle of the street, which is a bit difficult.

The best guess I can give is related to the subway victim. It's been pointed out before that guy looks a lot like a stereotypical Japanese delinquent, which could imply he was part of a gang. If that's the case, it's possible the killer angered the wrong people by killing him, similar to Kotoko, and thus was later murdered himself. We know that street isn't very safe, on account of one of the alters getting away with murder there. It's a pretty large stretch, and has like zero evidence, but it's physically possible at least.

Let's take a quick look at the other prisoners and see if their images can also be explained by the "death image" theory.

We know Muu would share a death location with her victim if she really committed suicide as the theory states, so nothing weird there. Haruka's a bit more awkward, because it shows the forest he very likely killed the girl in, but I'm not entirely sure if the forests near Nagaoka has bodies of water deep enough to drown oneself. There is the Shinano river, which has... trees, around it.

This was taken from Google Street View in Nagaoka. Again, not sure how deep it is, but assuming it's deep enough to drown, it could work if you ignore the trees don't look too much like the ones irl. Maybe Haruka threw himself off the bridge?

Alternatively, Nagaoka borders the sea, and it seems like there's forest almost all the way up to it. So maybe that could work? Unsure.

Worst comes to worst, we can maybe change it to saying Haruka didn't drown himself, but killed himself in some other way in the forest. Point is, I think Haruka's isn't too big of an issue.

Fuuta, Mahiru and Kazui don't have a lot of evidence towards what the hell would have happened, but the best assumption I can make is they all committed suicide because of guilt. Fuuta in his room, Mahiru in the suicide forest (likely also where her boyfriend committed suicide), and Kazui by jumping off a building like Hinako. As for their evidence...

>Fuuta burns at the end of Backdraft, which is the same thing that happens to Killcheroy, so you could argue that's meant to show he's dying. It's not great, it absolutely is just meant to be metaphorical most likely, but it is there.

Additionally, he's also an outlier for the "muder location image" theory, since what one would consider his "murder location" is very ambiguous. Is it his room, where he sent online hate from? Is it Killcheroy's room, where she assumedly died? Wouldn't it be the front of Killcheroy's house, where Fuuta took the picture to dox her? Again, death location is less ambiguous.

Fuuta's attitude during Trial 1 could be seen as a bit weird if he was suicidal, but I'm not sure we can comfortably say that with the limited information we have.

>Mahiru in I Love You goes to sleep after seeing her boyfriend dead, which could be read as her committing suicide. You know, if you're insane like me.

Especially given this question from Trial 1:

(T1) Q20: What do you think about smoking?

M: I've never smoked before, but I might copy him if who I love smokes.

That, alongside a lot of the bg text from TIHTBILWY, implies Mahiru likes the idea of copying her lover. Not the greatest quality to have when your lover commits suicide.

>Kazui has this:

Where the smoke of his cigarette turns into a noose. Of course, that's meant to represent self-destruction in general, but it could also be taken more literally. He... doesn't have much else.

Thus, everyone else vaguely fits the idea of "death image"... except him.

Our favorite headache inducing doctor strikes again! His card shows a hospital room, which is a very strange death location, but perfectly fits his murders. You could argue he runs into the same issue as Mikoto, but it's actually possible Shidou just killed all his victims in the same room, so.

Yeah, Shidou's probably the biggest counterargument for this theory. Because while it's possible he died in a hospital, there is zero evidence for it, beyond the image itself. Hell, neither Throw Down or Triage ever seems to imply he died in the first place, which is an issue. This theory's already heavily dependant on the extremely flawed "you can't disprove it" argument, but at least most of the other ones have some kind of logical progression which gets you to how they died.

So, to complete the theory, we have to make the pretty big jump that Shidou died inside a hospital room, without knowing how that happened.

... Wait, inside the room?

Wait wait wait, show me Fuuta's and Amane's again.

Hmmm... 0308... hmmmm... 0308... I totally didn't just do this to put the two together... hm...

Yeah, same thing. They both show the inside of a room. Which, along with Shidou's, shows that these images can show the inside of buildings, right?

But, then... why is Yuno's outside?

That very clearly isn't the inside of a building. But this generates a problem for the "murder location image" theory, because Yuno's "murder" was abortion. Even if it wasn't done professionally, she would have still done it inside, presumably. This creates an inconsistency with Fuuta, Amane and Shidou. If their murder locations are shown from inside, why is Yuno different?

However, this inconsistency disappears if we assume the images to be death locations. I previously established if Yuno died, she likely committed suicide by jumping off a staircase, which does vaguely fit this image. It's similar to Kazui's in that way.

Now, I don't want to get too ahead of myself here. Murder location is still absolutely the more straightforward answer, but it does come with its issues. As stated, Fuuta's image would face some ambiguity, Mikoto's would face extreme ambiguity, Amane's seems to contradict the evidence we're shown in Purge March, Yuno's is wildly inconsistent with the other images, and Kotoko's is straight up nonsensical.

Meanwhile, death locations physically work with all the cases, even if Shidou's case is extremely weird, but it requires huge assumptions and stretches. It relies heavily on how impossible it is to disprove, which is not a good sign. Russell's Teapot, and all that.

Summary of the Theory

>Everyone in Milgram is dead, and their prisoner cards in Undercover show the place where they died.

>Prisoner's memories of the events leading up to their deaths are extremely fuzzy, explaining why only Yuno seems to even suspect it.

+Haruka: Committed suicide by drowning himself, possibly in the Shinano river or the sea. [Most likely to be dead]

+Yuno: Committed suicide by jumping off the staircase we see her standing in on her Undercover silhouette shot. [Most likely to be dead]

+Fuuta: Committed suicide in his room out of guilt. [Very little evidence]

+Muu: Murder-suicide, she committed suicide after killing Rei. [A bit more evidence than others]

+Shidou: Died in a hospital room [???]

+Mahiru: "Copied" her boyfriend by killing herself in the suicide forest. [Very little evidence]

+Kazui: Jumped off a building, like Hinako. [Very little evidence]

+Amane: Drowned by her father as "punishment" for her murder. [Unfortunately, sorta likely]

+Mikoto: Murdered by one of the members of Subway Victim's gang. [Sort of filling in the blanks here]

+Kotoko: Murdered at the order of her victim's father. [Very little evidence]

Conclusion

Do I believe this theory? Honestly, I don't know. It makes a few too many assumptions for me to fully believe it, but I do think it's a decent possibility, so I wanted to share it with you all. In any case, that's all I have to say for now. If you have any thoughts about any of this, feel free to share! Also I didn't even touch on Es but you can try to fit them in somehow if you feel like it.

Anyways, if you made it this far, you deserve a hug, this post was depressing. Take care!

[cosmicrescendo]

Hakanaki Shinzou no Mobius Analysis/Rant

(Precursor Note: will be using the wiki's version of the lyrics and also 4G interview about the twins' songs with FragMem's producer! Read them. Ready, go!)

Overlaying but not Overlapping:

At first, one would assume the twins' chivalries(Louter's 不変(unchanging, I think it was officially TL'ed in the VDs as "stasis" at one point) vs Klark's 永遠 (eternity) ) are simply, synonyms. To imply they both feel the same way. And yeah they are, but there's a nuance in how they differ. They have the same dream and yet......

The love that this light spills The future that awaits us far ahead Please, allow me to shine on you like a shimmer for ever and ever Just like this

Klark dreams of a eternity that continues into the future. That his family happily walks forward, together. He wants to guide his family to that future! (I'll shine on you forever so that you'll never get lost in the stars)This is why he's drawn as looking upwards, and why he's specifically paired with Myunna and Kurode, two characters' whose willingness to walk into the future and embody/protect their dreams. (You'll notice Myunna is looking down rather than up, that's a story for another time but is very much Intentional, alas). A notable motif is constellations (the bonds that tie us together) and a meteor shower (a lengthy journey, to wish for something).

I can't abandon it, I will pray for this unchanging dream Draw these fleeting pictures, my world of stasis is Mobius Dreams that come true and dreams that won't come true, I hope they can become a zero-shaped loop

In contrast, it seems like Louter wants to preserve the present/past, to have it remain unchanging. Locked in stasis, her happy family untainted by the throes of change. She cradles her star gently, gazing down. Ciel and Will's inclusion is a little different (especially Ciel is the odd one out, referring to her willingness to invoke change to grasp the unchanging blue sky she desires) but Will shares the same feelings of wanting to protect something desperately. A notable motif is a "dark" universe (per producer's intention) and novae (the sharp flashing lights that appear repeatedly in the MV, more on that later).

Mobius is 3:22, Sirius is 4:11 (out-of sync but trailing each other, with Klark leading). When their stars overlay each other, they don't overlap. Klark's clock is well-crafted, intricate, and marches steadily into the future, while Louter's is almost half-finished, or as if someone ripped away its plating to get to the heart of it, it quickly moving counterclockwise to the point it breaks itself. They look as if they are one, but they aren't. And the same is true for Sirius- it appears to be a singular star, but is actually a binary star system of two stars in different points in their lifespan.

Those who read character bios are probably already aware that Klark is Sirius A, the first magnitude star, and Louter is Sirius B, the white dwarf. Typically, a binary system with this kind of setup will cause a Type Ia-Supernova, in which the white dwarf siphons material from the bigger star until it hits an ignition temperature from its engorged unstable mass it cant handle and 1) unbinds the bigger star and flings it to god knows where and 2) violently explodes by tearing itself apart, eviscerating itself but. The distance between Sirius's stars is simply too great for this kind of process to happen. Instead they will most likely create novae, where the white dwarf siphons material from the bigger star as usual, but the ignition just causes a big expulsion of energy, causing a big flash of light! The loss to the white dwarf is relatively minor in this scenario, and it can happen multiple times throughout its life.

I don't think Louter being Sirius B is a sign of incoming death, rather just stagnation (which is eerily similar to her chivalry). The love she gets from her family shines brilliantly.....but why must it be finite...

Hiding Your Wish Away?

Klark's skill is machinery, Louter's is magic. Unlike say, the cogs in Klark's MV, I feel the magic in Louter's is more..mysterious. There are heavy references to the twins' divination ability (crystal balls, tarot cards) but the one I wish to reference the windows! Very transparently "gazing out into the future". Louter is the only one shown physically inside a window (viewing her own fate?), but the windows for all 3 characters clearly weigh heavily on the 3 characters. They don't gaze upon them directly (to verify would seal one's fate), but they Know Of Them. (they are often physically behind them or Near in some way)

There's a comical amount of star charts/magic circles that of resemble the pattern of the twins' sleeves. It makes me wonder at one point.....did she attempt to invoke the world she desires by her own hand? Making a wish on the stars is how she uses her abilities, as we've seen in B02. And with how the song ends, I certainly feel that's an interpretation with some meat on it. However, it cannot come to pass: if just a physical barrier had Louter severely unwell after a few days(?), something akin to time manipulation would just. straight up be impossible to maintain with her constitution. And....I think she understands a little bit, the difference between her and Louter. One can see her desires as cruel and ugly, to deny her family of the future. If that's what they want, then who is she to deny them? She's always been the type to spoil them. after all. So she hides these feelings away, deep in her heart....Then we get the verse that is pretty much identical in both songs, other than the fact that Louter adds she'll do it gently(そっと):

I'll tell you (gently), I'll fix my eyes on you, I want to touch you with my heart......

So when they "touch hearts", we get The Look. We understand the sheer intensity of Louter's anxiety and the true implications of her desires, and the impression of "Whoops, we weren't Supposed To See That!" because she's purposefully keeping her family in the dark about her inner anguish about this.

Time for the Ciel/Will Detour!

Ciel is the "odd one out" of Mobius, and unlike Myunna (i am so Sorry they don't give you shit for me to cook with) there is plenty to say about her. Brief stuff that couldn't fit in the other two sections.

Firstly, you'll notice that they never give her the "Mobius" shot (showing someone and their reflection, which symbolize the allure of Mobius, and conscious duality between desires). Instead, they give a shot that looks like she's the center of the galaxy. How apt for someone who has become the infallible axis her country (and eventually the continent. and the world) spins upon. For Ciel, whose love is bottomless and the firm believer of "minna nakayoku", something like a galaxy suits her dreams far better.

Will's has plenty of Mobius Shots, but it differs from Louter: they glitch to fill the other person's place. Perhaps it's a twist to the duality part: Will does not see a contradiction in their desires as Louter does (desiring stasis/respecting the wishes of her family). Or perhaps it's an illusion to hide the one they love from the viewer's gaze....

I love 1:38: Ciel's ignoring what's been divined (two futures! whatever could they be) and forcibly changing the future through her own means. However one of the futures she's done away with seems to be of Great Interest to Will(1:48, instead of their usual one seen at 2:39). Does Will want to protect a future Ciel is willing to throw away for the sake of her dreams?

Sirius was mostly Klark's blue overtaking everyone's image colors, but Mobius is more like a gradient/purple (everyone feels so strongly here!). When Ciel is alone, she's almost *never* overtaken by the purple/gradient, she is staunchly and wholly blue. Her security in her worldview is super strong!.

There's a specific sequence that comes up roughly 3 times (beginning, after the first chorus, and the end). Louter is cradling her star, when a premonition of Will and Ciel appear, causing her to open her eyes. It's a completive look. Do Will and Ciel represent the throes of change that are going to bring potential harm to her family's world?

This is further corroborated that she's never a moment where like, there's a frame of solely Ciel/Louter or Will/Louter. She's often either alone or all of them together, or Ciel/Will w/ Louter alone. They may attempt to understand, but ultimately they are Outsiders to her World.

To Deny Mobius........

Gaze at each other until we meld together, the two of us are connected in a Mobius Even a gaze in the opposite direction, even an outline sketch is unpleasant Even if the end should come, I shall love you forever, for eternity...

This is the final part of the song. Seems simple enough, we're going to finally embody Mobius, so don't look away! And yet.....everyone looks away from their stars during this sequence. They deny themselves the gaze of their beloved star, not becoming one. Ciel and Will's looks are more...cold and determined? Of course for Ciel, Mobius doesn't appeal to her for previously stated reasons, this is easy. Perhaps Will does wish to answer the call of Mobius, since they has plenty of the "Mobius shots". But as someone who believes Ciel's dream will ensure the protection of what they love, they too look away.

And for Louter, it's a fond, regretful (or even embarrassed) look, matching up with the lyric: it's not done with purpose, merely an theoretical end. Maybe in this future, she bittersweetly come to terms that the stasis she dreamed of was a fool's errand......Or maybe not, as the clock attempts to desperately turn back time one last time, causing the logo, the clock, and our beloved theme ("The Knights ask nothing in return for their love") to shatter, and a final reverse sequence occurs ends with a flash. How selfish. It's left up to interpretation to what happens to her in this future, so I'll leave you hanging too, ok?

[random-thot-generator]

Love Thy Frenemy + Interlude

On the Streets of Soho: Just You

ONE SHOT/INTERLUDE

SIMON GHOST RILEY x FEM READER

Summary: Simon makes a journey through Soho hoping to find some relief.

Warnings/Tags: MDNI 18+ Only - Explicit language, explicit sexual content, sexual thoughts and allusions to sex but no actual sex, prostitution/sex workers/solicitation, ***TW- mention of SA (Simon's)- non-graphic, mention of torture- non-graphic, no use of Y/N

(Notes: This is basically just me weaving my personal head canons concerning Simon's past trauma and how his current sex life evolved into the plot. No beta. Embrace the imperfections.)

banners & dividers by: @saradika-graphics

Interlude

-

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

-

The cobbled streets of Soho are crowded this time of the evening.

The cacophony of music and the buzz of a hundred conversations flow around Simon as he walks among the throng of people. Crossing to the next corner, he turns down another street, noticing the giggling birds in short skirts sashaying ahead of him. They're no doubt heading for one of the night clubs further down the way.

There are many streets in Soho that have an almost carnival-like atmosphere about them, inviting wanderers with their twinkling string lights, busy shops, and outdoor eateries. However, there are other areas, like where Simon is currently going, that are geared more towards… adult entertainment.

One of the sashaying birds glances over her shoulder at Simon, then turns back to whisper something to her mates. The others then glance back as well, only to erupt into whispers and tittering giggles. Simon ignores them, focusing his attention on the signs advertising the discotheques, bars and clubs, instead. He slows to peer through a pub window, feigning curiosity, but he doesn't go inside. His destination is further along; he's just passing through.

He walks past a long queue outside a dance club. The music is pounding like a heartbeat, bass thumping so hard Simon can feel the percussion through the soles of his boots, the vibration tickling up his shins and setting his teeth on edge. He glances up at the gaudy sign above the blacked-out doors. The club is called 'Bangers', spelled out in electric blue letters. Simon rolls his eyes.

Bloody stupid name, he thinks, but then reconsiders. It's actually spot on, now that he thinks about it. Clubs like that are nothing more than human meat markets, strobe-lit hubs for anonymous hook-ups and drunken fucks in the loo. His lip curls at the thought. Playing Russian roulette VD-style with some random drunk slag doesn't appeal to him. He's careful about where he sticks his dick, is more discerning about who he fucks, which is why he gives the preening birds with their coy smiles and come-hither eyes no more than a cursory glance.

It's been several months since Simon has been to Soho, long enough that he can't remember the exact month anymore. It was cold, that's as much as he can recall, months before you had moved in with him. He also recalls (with some annoyance) how he had been unable to look you in the eye after his last trip there, watching you work behind the bar at the Dog the next day, chattering away at him as you normally would while his gut twisted with something that felt suspiciously like guilt. He'd not been back to Soho since.

Until now.

And this time, it's because of you.

That's not true. It's because of him. This mess is his fault, his failure.

He made a bad call, sharing you with the team. He let one little mention of you slip, and it snowballed from there. Not even he is sure if that little slip-up was accidental or not, but once he'd opened that Pandora's box, there was no shutting it again. He gave them an in, Johnny and Gaz ran with it, and Simon went right along with them.

He made a right cock up of things. Exposed you, then put his bloody claim on you. He had no right to do that― has no bloody right to you at all, but he let his ego dictate how it all went down. Christ, he shared your fucking pics with them. Stupid, stupid mistake. He's potentially put you in danger, doing that. Then again, if someone was already watching him, he put you on their radar months ago.

That was another bad call. Should've stayed away from you, but he didn't; hell, he bloody couldn't, no matter how hard he tried.

He'd cut ties with you for multiple reasons, the biggest among them to protect you, then turned around and fucked it all up. He just never expected you would open the door and let him back in, not after the way he'd treated you. When he went back to the Dog that rainy night, his only thought had been to fix what he broke and part ways on better terms, not pull you back in after pushing you out.

He still doesn't know what possessed him that night. He went back to you knowing he should leave well enough alone, but there he was, scratching at your door like a hungry stray and you let him back in, like the sweet, trusting fool that you are. Christ, what were you thinking? Why did you forgive him? He still gets pissed thinking about it, but in that moment, honestly, all he'd felt was relief.

Because he had his doll back.

Simon never knew he was a starving man until he got a taste of what his life could be like with you in it. It's addictive, that life you feed him, and it's made him greedy, possessive. He wanted you closer, wanted you to feed him more, so he took advantage when you were vulnerable. After what happened with Finch, he offered you safety, security, the promise of family and free reign of his house. You took his offering then turned around and achieved the impossible. He gave you his haunted house and you turned it into a proper home. You filled it to overflowing with light and warmth and fucking flowers. Selfish mutt that he is, he took it, took it all and fucking devoured it whole. He gorges himself on it daily, and that should be enough.

But he still craves more.

It's wrong to want more. You give him everything, everything, so he should be satisfied. He should be content to have you in his home, in his life, but now he wants more, he wants you, all of you, and that's... wrong.

Doesn't matter, though. Even if he knows it's wrong, it's done nothing to curb his craving for you. If anything, it's only made it worse. You've become his forbidden fruit, tempting him to reach out and take a bite. And it's because of that temptation that he's finally been forced to make another trip to Soho.

As Simon makes his way to his destination, he glances around at the buildings now surrounding him. Tall, skinny brick and mortar structures stacked together, just a few stories high; Soho's infamous walk-ups. Their entrance doors stand open, their lighted entryways revealing the narrow staircases and the signs that simply declare 'Models'. Those in the know understand that the men and women who work in these walk-ups have nothing to do with modeling. They're sex workers, professional prostitutes, and Simon has been a paying customer of theirs for years.

Before you, Simon had no qualms about paying for sex. It was simply a means to an end, meeting his basic needs to keep himself on an even keel. He saw nothing wrong with it, thought it was money well spent. As he'd once told you, a soldier's lifestyle wasn't conducive to sustaining romantic relationships, not that he'd ever fancied having one. He told you that he didn't have the patience for it, and he had believed that when he said it. It was easier to hand over a few quid, get what he needed, then be on his merry way, no muss, no fuss.

But again, that was before you moved in with him.

Now, the quid that he withdrew from the ATM earlier weighs heavy in his pocket. He withdrew enough for a thirty-minute session plus a tip. He plans on telling the bird if she can give it to him the way he likes and can finish him off quickly, she'll earn herself a good tip. He's not doing this expecting mind-blowing sex. He just needs to blow a quick, hard nut to sort himself out, then he can hurry back home, so he can make this up to you. He feels like a right sorry bastard for dumping you off like he did, because he was in a rush to get to fucking Soho to bang a prostitute.

He'd waited until he'd picked you up from work and dropped you at home before telling you he had some 'business' to take care of in London. Guileless, you'd blinked up at him, trying hard to hide your disappointment. It fucking gutted him when you simply nodded, then told him you would keep dinner warm for him. That was bad enough, but then you gave his hand a quick squeeze and murmured, "Drive safe, Ri," with that sweet fucking smile on your face, and it felt like his chest caved in.

Fuckin' hell...

He glances up at a street sign and something close to dread makes his gut feel queasy. His steps begin to slow, boots scuffing on the sidewalk. The address he's currently seeking is just around the next corner, then he'll cross Green's Court to a walk-up that houses a consignment shop on the ground floor with two separate flats above it. The bird he's picked out is in the first flat, working under the rather unimaginative alias of 'Desireé'.

Simon already knows that he doesn't want to do this.

But he also knows he has to.

It shouldn't bother him this much. It's not like he hasn't done this before. He visits Soho whenever he gets to the point that he can no longer scratch his own itch, and nothing but a wet cunt will do. Since you moved in, however, that itch has become an incessant burn. His control is starting to slip, and it's been getting worse since the May Day celebration. It's become such a struggle to keep his hands off you that he has to force himself away from you. Otherwise, he'd have you bent over the nearest flat surface.

Yeah. Something's got to give, and it cannot be him.

Grunting in frustration, he pushes those thoughts out of his head. He needs to focus on the task at hand. If he can see this through, it will help quell those urges you so obliviously keep stirring up inside him. Once he gets what he needs, he'll be right as rain again, and you won't be in danger of getting drilled against the wall.

Is he looking forward to this? No, he's not, but he figures it should be just like riding a bike. Once he gets going, biology will take over and instinct will kick in, then nature will take its inevitable course. It won't matter who he's fucking, then.

Still, the thought of fucking some other bird while you're waiting at home for him sticks in his craw and leaves a foul taste in his mouth. That feeling only gets worse when he rounds the corner, and the walk-up he's looking for comes into view.

Fuck. He's here.

Simon comes to a stop. He suddenly realizes he's gagging for a smoke, so decides to have one before going up. Fishing his cigarettes out of his pocket, he slinks into an alley, tugs down his face mask and lights up before pressing himself back into the shadows. He inhales as he casts his eyes up to the lit windows of what he assumes is Desireé's flat. A shadow crosses behind the pulled shade and disappears.

Fuck, he doesn't want to do this.

But he has to.

He exhales a stream of smoke and rubs at the ache still lingering in his chest. He knows the cause of it. It's been there since he drove away from you, and it's only gotten worse. There's not a damn thing he can do about it, though, not without risking the destruction of what the two of you have built together and probably ruining your life in the process. He'd fight for you, kill for you, fuck, he'd even die for you, but he can't— No, he won't fuck you.

But even with such a threat hanging over his head, he still fucking wants you. He wants you in a way that scares the bloody shite out of him.

Which is why he needs to do this.

But fuck him! He doesn't bloody want to!

Simon closes his eyes and thumps his head back against the dingy brick wall. Christ, he's never been so conflicted in his life. It's not like he's cheating on you, for fuck's sake, but damn if it doesn't feel that way. You're his friend, not his woman; he is not stepping out on you. There's no logical reason for him to feel bad about taking care of his own needs. It's just fucking; it doesn't mean anything. He has every right to do this.

But still...

He would rather take a bullet than for you to ever find out where he is and what he's about to do. He wouldn't be able to face you again if you ever found out, because he knows how bad it would hurt you. He knows it would hurt you because he knows you care about him, and he knows those feelings run deeper than bloody friendship. He knows this because he feels the same damn way. You're more than just his friend. You're his Dee, his doll. You're just... his.

And fuck him, he knows he's yours, too.

Dammit, he really does not want to do this.

But now he knows he has to. Because he can't lose you. Fuck no. That's not an option anymore.

He gives himself a mental shake and puts out his cigarette. Straightening from the wall, he clenches his fists and stalks across Green's Court to the walk-up. The open doorway beckons, he just needs to step through. He stops at the threshold and peers up the narrow flight of stairs.

There'll be a 'maid' in attendance up there, hanging about in the hallway. She'll ask who he's there to see then will inform him whether or not Desireé is 'indisposed'. That's the polite way of saying whether or not she has another customer. The prostitutes don't take appointments, so it's first come, first served. Unbidden, the hope rises up inside him that she already does have a customer, so he'll have an excuse to leave.

Gritting his teeth, Simon forces himself to step through the doorway.

The sound of plodding steps coming down the stairs has Simon's eyes darting upward. A bloke with thinning hair and a soft paunch hanging over his belt appears, his jowly face florid but clearly sated. His eyes meet Simon's for only a split second then skitter away as he lifts his left hand to wipe the sweat from his brow. The glint of a gold wedding band catches Simon's eye, and something cold and oily slithers and twists in his gut. That dull ache in his chest flares to life. Simon rubs at his chest and averts his eyes until the bloke walks out of the building.

"Least I don't got a ring on my finger," Simon mutters to himself, like that somehow matters, then begins climbing the steps.

When he reaches the first landing, a wiry, thin bird with her mousy brown hair pulled back in a low ponytail exits a small room. Her smile is tight-lipped but polite, her eyes assessing as she greets him.

"Can I help you?" she asks, folding her hands together at her waist, the picture of discreet decorum.

"Here t'see Desireé," he grunts in reply.

The 'maid' nods and points to a door down the short hall. "I believe she's free to see visitors. That's her flat there. Just knock."

Simon nods his thanks and steps around the woman, noting how leaden his feet feel as they take him to Desireé's door. His arm too feels heavy as he lifts it to rap against the painted wood. His neck grows hot, scalp prickling with anxious sweat as he hears the light tread of footsteps drawing near. When he hears the locks disengage, he takes a step back before the door swings open.

Desireé peeks around the edge of the door and offers him a tentative smile. Her eyes scan over him before she opens the door wider. "Well, 'ello, luv. Would ya like t'come in?"

She steps away to allow him entry, but Simon doesn't move because he's too busy staring at her.

When he was going through all the models' profiles online, he'd taken an unusual amount of time before choosing. That's not something he normally did. He usually didn't give a shite what they looked like, long as they had a clean cunt. Yet he remembered feeling frustrated as he clicked through profile after profile without success. If asked, he would have assumed it was due to a general lack of interest. None of them appealed to him until he'd seen Desireé's profile pic, and suddenly his search was over. Now he understands why.

This bird looks enough like you to pass for family. Maybe a sister, but definitely a first cousin. She's of the same height and a similar build, though she looks a bit older than you. Damn near identical hair, eyes close to the same color.

Bloody fuckin' hell...

"Well? Are ya goin' t'come in?" Desireé inquires.

Simon blinks and then shuffles through the door, trying to hide how rattled he is. Christ, how did he not see it before? She looks like you. It's like he set himself up to fail without even knowing it. He has to wonder if he's completely lost the bloody plot, because this is fucking mental.

He waits for her to lock the door behind them, doing his best not to stare but failing, then follows her through the small flat. His brain instantly compares her shape to yours. She's more hard angles compared to your soft, rounded curves. She doesn't move like you either. And her perfume makes his sinuses burn.

When she asks if he would like a drink, Simon lifts his gaze to see her smile knowingly; she thinks he's admiring the view. He shakes his head, thinking her smile doesn't hold a candle to yours. She gestures for him to take a seat in the sitting area. He sits down in a worn leather club chair, shifting around as she perches demurely on a chair opposite him.

"So, first things, first, luv," she begins her spiel. "Are ya a return customer or do I need t'go over the basics with ya?"

Her voice grates on his nerves. It's high and nasally, with a Cockney accent. It's not soft and slightly husky like yours. This will definitely be a nonverbal session, he decides.

"I know the drill," he mutters.

Desireé nods, giving him a sultry smirk. "Brilliant. Saves us some time, dunnit?" She settles back in her chair and crosses her legs, her skirt riding up to expose more thigh. "Since yer not new to this, I s'pose ya already know what ya want, then?"

Simon speaks it by rote, the same thing he always asks for. "Thirty-minute session, straight sex, no extras. And I have requirements."

Her eyes narrow just a fraction, and she hums, looking him over slowly. She then tilts her head in a coy way. "What're yer requirements, then?"

Simon launches into his list.

"Don't like muckin' about, so don't bother with the strip tease an' lingerie. Rather ya just get naked in the loo; prefer ya prep yerself f'me while yer in there. Ya can wear a robe out if ya like but lose it before ya get on the bed. Want ya on yer hands an' knees at the foot o' the bed.

"Don't want ya touchin' 'r kissin' me; I'll do the touchin'. Keep yer eyes forward 'r down, jus' not on me. Prefer ya not t'speak unless I ask a direct question 'r there's a problem. If there is, speak up. Don't want none o' tha' fake moanin' an' carryin' on, either. I go at it fast an' hard, but I ain't no brute. 'M big, so if it gets t'be too much, say so 'r give me three hard taps an' I'll stop. Tha' bein' said, ya should prob'ly use some lube when ya prep. An' before ya ask, the mask stays on. Tha's non-negotiable."

Desireé gives him a slow blink. "That's pretty specific," she murmurs, but then lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "But I can do that. I'll ask that ya have a care how ya handle me, though. I don't mind ya gettin' a li'l rough, but I don't like marks or bruises. Bad for business. Most blokes don't like seein' another man's marks, yeah?"

"Yeah, I get it. I won't mark ya up."

With the negotiations now over, Simon hands over her fee, but makes sure to let her get a peek at the extra quid in his wallet. He then mentions being pressed for time and his willingness to kick in a little extra if she can move things along. Pound signs dancing in her eyes, Desireé gets a move on, hurrying to the loo to get ready for him.

Simon shifts uncomfortably while he waits, leaning forward to brace his elbows on his knees as he stares at the closed bathroom door. That ache in his chest has gotten worse; it's burning now, deep and searing. He's still put off by how much Desireé resembles you, but luckily, that's where the similarities end. One look in those jaded eyes of hers told Simon all he needed to know. She might look like the girl next door, but Desireé is a pro, through and through. Case in point, not balking at the mask or his long list of requirements.

She probably thinks he's a dom, but that wasn't necessarily true. Simon doesn't derive pleasure from having a woman play the submissive. His requirements aren't a part of any kinky personal proclivities. They are necessary, as is his need for complete control, otherwise, he simply cannot perform sexually. It didn't used to be that way for him, but since his stint in Mexico with that sadistic cunt, Roba, this is his lot.

Sex was never the same for Simon after he was captured by Roba. The torture and sexual assaults he had endured while he was a prisoner broke him in a way that he thought he could never be fixed. His perception of sex was warped, twisted into something dark and brutal and ugly. Sex became a weapon that could be used to torture, humiliate and manipulate him. It took years before Simon could touch a woman again.

Even when he finally worked up the courage to have sex again, he'd been nearly overwhelmed with anxiety, terrified he would suddenly snap or have an episode and unintentionally hurt the bird he was with. Somehow sensing he was struggling, she had taken the situation in hand, guided him through it with patience and a gentle hand. She had been a prostitute as well, which is probably why he's gravitated towards them ever since.

Or he did until you came along and mucked up the works. When it comes to you, those necessary requirements of his go right out the bloody window. When it comes to you, it's not about base needs or physical release. It's about experiencing you, pleasuring you, claiming you. He doesn't just want you; he fucking craves you. When it comes to you, he doesn't feel in control and that fucks with him. A lot.

He's dreamed about kissing you. He's fantasized about ripping off his mask and staring into your eyes as he takes you against a wall. He's laid awake at night wondering what sort of noises you would make for him, how it would sound when you finally came while crying out his name. He wants to see your face when he makes you come. He wants to suck your tits and bite your ass and mark you up. He wants to eat your cunt and taste your cum. He wants to watch you suck his cock before he fucks you senseless in his bed. And then he wants to do it all again. And again.

He doesn't want that with anyone else. He only wants that with you. Just you.

Fuck. Just you.

Simon's head drops in defeat.

When Desireé steps out of the loo, he knows in his gut that this isn't going to work. He subconsciously tried to substitute you with a bird that looks like you, for fuck's sake. But she's not you, not even close, and that's why he feels nothing when she shrugs out of her robe and climbs naked onto the bed. He breathes out a resigned sigh.

Climbing to his feet, he steps to where Desireé dropped her robe and retrieves it. He sees her hips sway in invitation as he nears, her lubed cunt on full display. His cock doesn't even stir. He shakes his head, bemused. He popped a chub that morning watching you come down the stairs in one of his ratty old tees, but a naked bird waving her ass in his face does nothing for him.

Only you can stir up that fire inside him. Just you.

"Change of plans, luv," he murmurs, draping the robe over her before taking her by the shoulders and helping her off the bed.

Brows knitting together, Desireé looks up at him with a perturbed expression as she shrugs on the robe again. "Thought ya said ya knew the drill, mate. Once the session starts, there's no renegotiating."

"Not what I'm after," he tells her, taking a step back. "This ain't workin' f'me. 'M takin' off."

Her eyes narrow. "There's no refund, ya know," she warns him, sounding wary.

Simon waves her off. "Don't want one."

Taking out the extra money he'd been holding for her tip, he folds it and presses it into her hand. "Sorry 'bout wastin' yer time, pet," he says, then walks to the door and lets himself out.

Once he's back out on the street, Simon wastes no time retracing his steps back through Soho. He's still bricked up, but he no longer feels conflicted. He's finally realized that he's been fighting a losing battle this whole time, knows that he never stood a chance.

Because it's you. Just you. For him.

When he makes it back to his truck, he climbs in and cranks the engine, then pulls out his phone and calls you.

"Hey, Ri! What's up?"

Simon's eyes close at the sound of your voice. "Hey, doll. 'M on my way back. Need me to bring anything home?"

You hum in thought. "Mm... Nope. Just yourself, I reckon."

Simon chuckles, that ache in his chest finally easing. "That's all ya need, huh? Jus' me?"

He hears your breathy laugh. "Yeah, Ri," you reply, your voice soft and husky. "Just you."

Simon feels his cock twitch at those words and huffs out a laugh. "See ya in a few, love."

"Okay, Ri. See you soon. Drive safe."

Simon rings off, tucks his phone away, then reaches down to adjust his cock with a weary sigh. "Fuck, doll. Bloody killin' me." He grunts out another laugh, shakes his head and steers his truck towards home.

And you.

Just you.

-

prev. >>> next

[cecilysass]

Milagro Fic Recommendations

These are good for any time of year, of course, not just February 14. But here are my favorite fics related to the season 6 episode Milagro, a long time favorite. (And @sisterspooky1013's favorite episode of all time: happy VD, girl!) I’ve been reading and sifting through these for some time, and I have tried to include some from all eras: newer AO3 fics, some written right after the ep aired, etc. But I'm sure I've missed some, so hit me with your own faves, please.

Because of Milagro's ending, this entire genre of fic tends to be heavy on the hurt/comfort and angst (which is fiiiiine by me), but that’s not all that’s here. Many of these are smutty, but not all.

Adagio - Terma99 A meditative, peaceful take on the aftermath of Milagro by a veteran author that includes both agents realizing something they had learned. Lovely.

Alma - 6hoursgirl (@sixhours) A lovely hurt/comfort Milagro piece. This one is Mulder POV, which is a little less common for post-Milagro, I think, and I like this characterization of Mulder as desperately wanting to help Scully, desperately wanting to protect her, but also a tiny bit scared of the intimacy and relationship he feels they’re on the cusp of. He’s so good-hearted and also a little dysfunctional here, and I love it.

Bated Breath - dreamingofscully (@dreamingofscully) This one has an original take on Scully's experience; it leaves Scully with clarity and new direction in her relationship with Mulder. DreamingofScully tends to write a more confident, in-charge Scully in the MSR than some do, and I appreciate it.

Beyond the Strokes of a Typewriter - storybycorey (@storybycorey) When Scully is stricken and ashamed that it’s been so long since anyone has seen her as a woman as Padgett did, Mulder is pushed to revelations. Mulder 3rd person POV. Very good smut build up. And nobody does a gorgeous feelings reveal from Mulder like storeybycorey, man.

I Believe - Diana Battis There are a lot of lovely, heartfelt hurt/comfort fics about the aftermath of Milagro (for obvious reasons), but this one is especially well done. Viewed from Scully’s third person point of view, it focuses on Mulder’s capacity for tenderness and guilt. Plus some smut.

Don’t Look Up - ArtemisX5 After Padgett's hallway revelation, Scully is horrified that she has no secrets left. But you know, Mulder is much slower on the draw than she gives him credit for. There is also such moving hurt/comfort in this.

Intimacies with Strangers -mldrgrl (@mldrgrl) This mid- and post- Milagro piece has Mulder and Scully simmering in tension and then boiling over. Their relationship is complex and painfully entangled, and I love how it plays out. There is also excellent Scully characterization. This one helps me to get more fully why she might have been drawn to Padgett initially, something I struggle with in the episode.

La Madrugada - h0ldthiscat A carefully told tale of RST that takes both characters seriously and is sincerely moving. Excellent.

Lacuna - Aloysia_Virgata (@aloysiavirgata) This is a longer work, not really a classic post ep per se. But I love this moody, angsty casefile set right after Milagro. This Scully has not come to terms with her emotions, is thoroughly freaked by how she reacted to Padgett, and hasn't even entirely worked out how she feels about Mulder. There is Scully/other here, but the ship is steering home. The end of this is so moving, but cw: dark themes in the casefile, extreme violence against children, traumatized agents.

Still Life - Seek_Its_Opposite (@seek-its-opposite) Ah, this is such a thoughtful and exquisitely written Scully character piece — and it contains some truly beautiful insights about Mulder, too. It suggests the heartbreaking idea that Mulder’s way of showing Scully respect (giving her distance) is continually hurting her. So tragic (and consistent with canon, e.g. Never Again.) One memorable line: “Every one of their fights is about how to care for one another, every last one.”

Alma Gemela - matchingfabric (@matchingfabric) After the events of Milagro, Scully (and Mulder) get accustomed to platonically sharing a bed for comfort. This is a slightly different take on post-Milagro. Exceptionally, irresistibly sweet. Oh, and smutty.

What did I miss? Tell me. And yes, I'm working on my own short Milagro fic that will be coming soon-ish.

[good-beanswrites]

My thoughts on how the Milgram mv machine works based on the evidence we have:

(I know there’s been discussion about where exactly the interrogations take place, but wherever they are,) the prisoners are made to sit in a specific chair near the wall that houses the machine.

It’s ordinarily hidden, but the wall panels shift aside to reveal it when the mechanical sounds play in the dramas. As well as the walls moving, the chair transforms to restrain the prisoner and attach whatever it takes to access their brain. The fact that none of the more frightened prisoners try to run or break it makes it seem like they physically cannot. This is why Fuuta sounds so panicked, and why Amane is suddenly helpless in front of Es in their T1 vds.

(My mind conjures very classic sci-fi mad scientist machines with wires, pipes, lights, nodes, needles, etc, but I’d love to hear how other people visualize it.)

In some vds (maybe all? I’d need to check,) you can hear Es take some steps right before their iconic line -- it would make sense that for safety reasons, the power mechanism is placed across the room. Once again it could be anything, but the sound effect makes me think of one of those giant wall-mounted levers you have to pull down.

The voice dramas don’t really provide the type of crime details that an actual interrogation would reveal, and it’s odd that they’re placed before the extraction rather than after Es gets to see the new details. This leads me to believe the machine functions with priming. All Es needs to do is get them talking about their murder, so it’s on their mind.

The video produced is much like a (non-lucid) dream. Even if the prisoners figure out that this is how it works, they can’t control it just by thinking really hard about something else. The murders produce the strongest emotional affect, and that’s what it picks up on. If someone else used the machine, it would default to whatever gave them the strongest emotional reaction in the ~15 minutes beforehand, hence why Es’ video focuses on their daunting task ahead. (The Undercover theory is still a bit loose, though, given the private shots that Es wouldn't have known about). It’s why the videos are usually closely linked to the vd topics/beats. I also like to think that the reason their prisoner colors appear so much is because they’re looking at those colors on their uniform 24/7.

The bell rings to inform Es that it’s the optimal time to use the machine -- the prisoner has been thinking about things for long enough that the video will be about their crime, and if the conversation lasts much longer they’ll start thinking of other things. It’s at a different time for each prisoner because it’s based on the specific conversation. I guess Jackalope is listening in to the interrogation, timing it perfectly. (The only one that kind of messes with this theory is Yonah, because they just keep talking afterwards lol, but it could just show that the interrogation is still in Es’ control.)

Their “Sing your sins” is the final priming nudge to get them to think of their actions as a sin, revealing their guilt.

Once activated, the prisoner enters a sort of trance/sleeping state. It’s very much like REM sleep, with the machine forcibly activating neurons and recording the output. The prisoners have asked Es what they saw, meaning they don’t remember the mvs. I like to think the prisoners do experience the mv in real time, acting as the major version of themself that appears, but can’t remember it afterwards. It’s when you experience a dream, but as soon as you wake up you’re just left with fleeting emotions and memories right on the tip of your tongue.

The video plays immediately upon extraction -- whether on a huge projection or little screen depends on which room it’s in. It simultaneously saves the memory so that Es can rewatch it later (on those old TVs in the jailbreak mix). The machine downloads the song and video together, but requires special parts to retrieve them. The technology is pretty new and fragile, so if one is broken, there might be a delay between when Es can hear the extracted song and see it with the video. (That’s my justification for Kotoko’s delays -- after 9 prisoners the parts wear out, or maybe Mikoto himself overheats it with his complex situation.)

Based on the lack of conversation we get afterwards, I picture Es leaving before the prisoner wakes from the trance. The machine adjusts their brain back to normal before they awaken, restraints freed and able to return to the rest of the prison.

It’s very much like a dream, so it’s not harmful despite the amnesia/head injuries the prisoners have. It does, however, exhaust them. Brain activity alone takes a lot of energy, so forced brain activity with added emotional strain would cause them to feel pretty drained the rest of the day.

[elizabethemerald]

Inside the Mystery Machine

I was inspired by @emmakubert 's art on the gang on the way to another mystery. I particularly liked the conspiracy board on the wall. I hope you enjoy this!

Interviewer: Max Stevenson: I’m here interviewing Mystery Inc, the group of young adults who managed to solve the Mystery of the Blair’s Haunted Mansion. So tell me, what inspires a group such as yourselves to solve crimes like this? 

The group is gathered around the open back doors of their vehicle, dubbed the Mystery Machine. 

Fred Jones: Well we don’t usually go out of our way to solve crimes, we want to solve mysteries. 

Daphne Blake: Yeah, it just turns out, a lot of the ghosts and creepy things are just creepy guys in masks. 

Velma Dinkley: Through the use of complex technologies, smoke and mirrors, and more than a little gullibility from the locals, they can pass themselves off as something truly haunted. 

Shaggy Rogers: Like, I’d prefer we not solve crimes or mysteries at all, but these things just happen to us.

Scooby-doo: Ruh-huh. Real rary ruff. [Uh-huh. Real scary stuff.]

I am momentarily blown away by their dog, Scooby-doo responding to my question. 

Me: You have a talking dog?!?

The group seem immediately dismissive, even the dog rolls his eyes.

FJ: Oh we’ve done a dozen interviews about Scooby already. Yeah, he can talk. Some things are just like that.

The group seems ready to leave, Blake and Dinkley already beginning to pack their belongings into the van while Rogers has gathered what looks like the entire pantry from the Blair Manor. Jones keeps his attention on me, but clearly looks like he is finished speaking on the matter. However, I am still interested in speaking with them. Looking around quickly I settle on the van they are packing. 

Me: Before you leave, I’m curious about your van, you travel around in it, correct? 

FJ: Oh yeah! She’s my baby! We’ve all worked together to fix her up, and keep her functioning. 

I can practically see the excitement from Jones to discuss the van in depth. The others are also more interested. 

Me: Why don’t you tell me all about her? With the four of you living in the van, do things ever get crowded?

Blake and Dinkley open the back doors wider, while Rogers continues packing away the food into a cabinet built into the side of the van’s wall. 

DB: Not really, we keep the back pretty open so when we stop for the night we have plenty of space for an inflatable mattress. 

FJ: And if we need a little more space we have the front two seats as well. 

Blake laughs and Dinkley giggles. 

VD: Freddy usually sleeps up there, he likes to keep watch to make sure nothing sneaks up on us. 

FJ: It’s come in handy a few times!

SR: It sure has Freddy, though Scoob here will wake us if anything bad happens. 

Me: It looks like the interior is pretty heavily modified, you even have a kitchen back here?

They do indeed have what appears to be a mini kitchen built into the wall. There is a single burner stove top, a mini fridge, and several cabinets. 

DB: Well Shaggy, this is your area, why don’t you explain?

SR: You know man, eating properly on the road is hard, so we gotta do what we can. The fridge and the rest of the lights inside run off solar panels that Velma installed. I usually try to prep a couple of meals whenever we stop in a new area so we have stuff as we travel. 

VD: The biggest problem is keeping this glutton and Scooby from eating it all!

The others laugh and Rogers smiles. Doo laughs and has a quite tall sandwich in his paws which he then eats in one gulp. The rest laugh like this is expected. 

FJ: Next up we have the armory! Daphne and I put this together so we would have all the trap things we could need to catch a crook or a spook. We’ve got ropes, nets, some projectors of our own, a jar of soap to make things slippery. 

Me: Freddy, you don’t actually have any weapons in your armory?

FJ: Please call me Fred. Freddy is for if we’re dating. 

Me: O…k…? 

DB: We have one weapon! I have a bat I keep in the front just in case someone tries to mess with us.

FJ: The thing is, we’re not monster hunters, or even like crime fighters or anything like that. We’re mystery solvers. 

VD: We could carry silver weapons, or salt, or holy water, or whatever the local rumors might say will banish or harm the ghoul of the hour. But again, most of what we face are rich weirdos in masks. All of that would be a waste, and we would already have to replace the holy water whenever it expires. 

SR: Holy water expires? Does it lose its holiness or does it like go stale? 

VD: Uh, it stays as holy as it was before, but it loses potency. But again, would be useless against like 67.3% of those we face. 

Me: Wow you sure know a lot about holy water.

DB: That brings us neatly to the next section of the van! 

FJ: Yeah Velms! Show em the library. 

Jones has come to lean on Blake’s shoulders while Dinkely blushes. 

VD: Yes I suppose our library is my brain child. 

She climbs into the back of the van to show a modest library opposite the rack of ropes and trap equipment. Several of the books look to be older than all of us combined. 

VD: These are books that I have gathered during our adventures. 

FJ: snickers You mean stolen! 

VD: Borrowed! I borrowed them! 

DB: Babe, i think borrowed means you plan on returning them at some point. 

VD: Anyways! While most of the mysteries we solve end up being caused by some land owner annoyed that he has to pay property taxes, or that he can’t legally exhort even more money from the local underprivileged persons-

DB: Your inner Marxist is showing again.

SR: I’m mean, she is right.

VD: As I was saying before these hooligans interrupted me, there is a small portion of the mysteries we encounter that are truly paranormal in nature, and having literature on their nature is invaluable, hence our collection of supernatural tomes. Of course, my actual library is here on my tablet in e-reader format. 

DB: And if you had a choice the whole van would be filled with books and we would have to sleep on the roof. 

SD: Rit’s not so rad. [It's not so bad.]

VD: And if you had your way, we would all sleep in one big bed at the Ritz!

FJ: Last up for the van tour is our map! 

Jones points to what can only be described as a combination conspiracy board and map of the country. There are red strings going every which way, newspaper clippings, and thumb tacks all over the place. 

DB: All of us work on this together. We don’t want to drive from one end of the country to the other chasing mysteries without a plan. 

VD: Daphne and I work together to track and verify rumors and stories that might be related to mysteries that might need our investigations. 

DB: Freddy then adds in the places we need to go to maintain the van, gas stations, pit stops, shops and stuff. 

FJ: My dad gave me a big atlas in case I ever ran into car trouble. 

VD: Then Shaggy adds the spots to maintain us, like food stops.

SR: And like, not haunted spots. We gotta relax sometimes, man.

SD: Rot that rit ralways rorks. [Not that it always works.]

SR: That’s true, sometimes mysteries just happen around us even when we aren’t searching for them. 

VD: Then I put it all into an algorithm to chart the most efficient path. This way we can get to as many mysteries as possible without having to put unnecessary miles on the van or stress on us. 

Me: Wow you really are a news worth bunch. So, Daphne, Velma, do you ever feel like you don’t have any privacy while traveling with the boys? 

The two women look at each other, confused. 

DB: Why would we need privacy? 

FJ: Hey gang, if we want to make our next stop by sundown, we should head out soon. 

Rogers finishes settling the food in the kitchenette and Blake and Dinkley clamber into the back. Doo runs around to the front of the van to sit in the passenger seat while Jones takes the drivers. 

SR: Like, thanks for the questions, man. See ya! 

Truly the members of Mystery Inc are an intrepid lot, and there are a few mysteries about the members themselves that still remain to be solved. Max Stevenson, signing off.

[blitz0hno]

Ah hello. Did you know in the T1 script book John Doe 009 VD, when 09 introduces himself, "Mikoto Kayano" personally introduces himself with the kanji spelling of his name but its alternative reading (furigana) is in katakana, not hiragana. He is the only prisoner that introduces himself in full with an alt spelling in katakana rather than Es imparting or calling a prisoner with their katakana code name in the beginning.

The speech style he has here also matches the speech style in Neoplasm where Boku was using gobi due to the usage of the particle 「さ」。(I've written a speech style analysis of 09 before but I'll have to find the notes again. I'll likely send a follow-up ask or something ^^')

This has me thinking about one of your previous posts which brought up the possibility that Mikoto "boku" Kayano, or, how others say, 🔵 and 🟢koto, don't realize that they're separate identities.

「ボクが僕を救ってあげましょう」 <- these bokus

There's also the possibility that when people have been referring to 🔵koto, they've actually been meaning 🟢koto this entire time. So are color code[name]s appropriate for 09 anymore? (/rhetorical)

What do you think? Any changes in how you perceive 09? I look forward to seeing more of your really cool analyses or thoughts on him.

Hello! Thanks so much for the ask! I did not know that; super interesting that it's unique from the other introductions. What you pointed out here is actually so intriguing, thank you for sharing your knowledge!

I have been wrestling with this for some time now because it's truly a case of "Schrodinger's Alter"; we have several instances that seem to indicate 2 "boku"s, but when they're speaking without the pronoun visually accompanying it, there's no gurantee of which one is fronting in any given interaction (let alone if a completely seperate alter is masking as "Mikoto," which is unlikely because writing that would get complicated, but not impossible).

Telling them apart is likely as difficult for them as it is for us given the amnesia; however, we don’t get insight into these things without the narrative explicitly stating such. This is interesting to me because this uncomfortable ambiguity is how systems operate in daily life, sometimes even amongst ourselves.

While color codenames have lost their usefulness to me personally, colloquially I find it helpful in discussing basic theories (and even tho it's gimmicky I've just personally liked the concept); that said, for all we the audience know, ボク ("Mido") and 僕 ("Miko") could be interchangable alters in the narrative; people may very well be referring to ボク as 僕 or vice-versa in any given interaction that John isn't around.

As far as changes in perception, it's dawning on me more and more how little we know about "Mikoto" (僕 or otherwise) as an individual in his system. He's high-masking as it is, but on top of that, we have no real way of guessing which alter "he" is at any given time unless they give an indicator. It's just simplest to assume 僕 in most cases. In the case of 俺, he's an easy guess only because he is made outwardly distinct by the narrative in both speech pattern and attitude. If there is a third, we may see glimpses of them in hindsight, but either way "Mikoto" (僕) as an individual alter is yet to be known as his own person beyond his passive, "professional" demeanor.

Tbh it's giving me insight into why a system host may be widely "liked" while remaining relatively or even completely unknown as an individual person. The demeanor shown by 僕 and his desire to be popular further shows that his sense of self is purely dependent on others' perceptions of him, which is as expected as it is tragic. I think if there is a third, we're gonna see a resigned, perhaps even apathetic tone from them; the system all tried so hard for seemingly nothing. I think the more 僕 tries to disappear, the more the other could realize their place alongside John in the system, if we explicitly see ボク at all.

It's all very ambiguous so I don't get really care how others label them, but I'm near certain that "僕" is not always who we think he is. (In John's case, I typically use his name rather than his pronoun bc even if he picks a more suitable name for himself later on, I feel strange using a first-person pronoun in place of a name when he has one; in the case of "僕" Mikoto, I do find it a necessary distinction from "ボク" given the ambiguity of it all, and it's more solid than color theory imo.)

This is all just my personal conjecture on how they are writing the system. It's definitely a kind of narrative I never thought I'd get to analyze, so I'm so happy to have others to discuss with! Thanks again for the ask. I'd love to see the follow up w the speech style analysis! I love yapping w you about the little guys 🙏

[harukapologist]

rambling about Haruka

As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.

Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.

I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka

Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.

The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.

Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.

That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.

All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.

As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.

It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.

I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?

When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.

[moibakadesu]

Haruka’s victim of his “murder” was he himself (The suicide theory)

This is a theory that I had since t1 there have been even more points for me to work with (I just never had time/peace of mind to do so), so let’s get into it, shall we?

First of all, as should be obvious from the title, there is a cw for suicide and also one for child abuse and neglect, as well as dead animals because we can’t talk about Haruka without going into these topics.

So what we are going to talk about today is:

Haruka’s victim of his “murder” was he himself

You might wonder now: But how is he walking around in Milgram then? We are looking at a magical song prison that bends the fabric of reality, I don’t think being a sort of purgatory is that much out of the question. I am not one to think that ALL of our current prisoners are dead, but for some it seems like an option. Note Yuno asking so pointedly in her t2 VD “Am I really still alive?” which seemed like a big hint. And also (MILGRAM NOVEL 2 SPOILER) in the second novel there is a part where literally falls the statement of “of course there are people who are already dead, it would be more strange if we wouldn’t have these”. As well as there being a suicide case.

And even if we would not go into that direction, we would still have the option of a failed suicide attempt which resulted in a temporary stopped heart = on paper you can be declared dead. With Milgram’s very loose definition of “being responsible for the loss of a human life” this seems very much like it could qualify as well.

So what gave me the idea that this could be the case for Haruka? The first thing that made my interest perk up was this screen here from Undercover:

In these shots with the silhouettes from the prisoners we presumably have a location where their murder happened or is heavily connected to it. And in some cases we even have the victims present in the shots.

What differentiates the prisoners from their victims is that all prisoner silhouettes have this gray hatching on them while their victims are a solid black color (it’s a bit unclear with Kazui, because he and Hinako are pretty small in his scene).

So with that in mind what falls to attention in Haruka’s shot? Yes, he is a solid black.

And that sprung the idea of: what if Haruka is the victim?

Well, he is, in more sense than one, but we are only concentrating on his “murder” for now.

Let’s now go through his first MV Weakness with this in mind, because it is already ripe with a lot of possible suicidal imagery. We won’t go over his first VD, because … well, there are simply no real hints in that one yet.

Weakness analysis

Right away at 0:08 we start with a scene transition of Haruka sinking into water. As you are probably all aware water is a big recurring theme with him, it draws itself through his MVs as well as being present in image material and merchandise related to him. Prior to ending up in Milgram he was also living in the city Niigata, which is literally called “the city of water”. So we can assume that it is of pretty big significance to his character.

The overall imagery of drowning and suffocating also appears repeatedly with him, so my assumptions of how he might have taken his life are either by, well, drowning or by hanging himself (due to imagery we will later get to in AKAA).

At 0:41 we have Haruka pushing his younger self into a “scribble-puddle”, leading us to another transition of Haruka once again sinking into the watery depths.

I think this is both a representation of Haruka’s loathing and jealousy of his younger self which still was somewhat loved by his mother until his disabilities became too noticeable to be ignored as well as an actual stand-in for killing yourself.

At this point let’s talk a little bit about the little girl that is assumed to be Haruka’s victim, shall we?

Well, in a broad sense we can say: yes, she is his victim. But the twist is this, recently I saw a theory that made a big amount of sense to me, especially taken in account with the suicide theory. Basically, I think the little girl never existed in reality. She was just a figment of Haruka's imagination, a sort of “Imaginary friend”, his idealized version of what “Haruka” should have been. We know from his t2 interrogation questions that his mother always wanted a girl instead of a boy, going so far as to picking the name beforehand and not changing it even after she knew she was expecting a boy.

I could even imagine that his mother might have tried to raise him as a girl up to a certain age, her terrible overall parenting surely gives me the impression that she would do something that twisted.

So Haruka’s delusion of “his perfect loveable self” might have intermingled with himself taking his life. Because something that always threw me off was that in the end of AKAA when we get the split second of him strangling the girl it is clearly a grown up Haruka putting his hands on her neck. But in Weakness they are around the same age apparently. Why is this? Well, of course the “perfect little girl his mother wanted” would stay a little girl forever in his mind.

So he is fully convinced that he killed that girl, in his mind she was real after all.

This might be completely off the mark, but even if it is, I still could imagine Haruka taking his life after having committed the murder of the girl. Going over his second VD again personally I am leaning more towards the option that the girl was his little sister, with how much attention he puts on it having been a murder out of jealousy.

But the lyrics going along with him pushing the girl in Weakness could also allude to the possibility of that “imaginary girl” theory.

And right here at 1:20 down in the water we go again, directly after the scene above.

And at 2:05 we are at the well known stone smashing scene. The action in the screen is not the main point in this case though, here we have the first appearance of the lyrics of:

Haruka usually doesn’t consider the abuse received by his mother as bad, any attention received from her is good attention in his eyes, so he wouldn’t see himself as a victim for that, right?

So what could it imply?

Maybe becoming your own victim?

Because a lot more importantly, these lyrics make another reappearance right away. When?

When Haruka strangles his younger self. (Right after another “falling in water” scene at that.)

And at the end we literally have Haruka kneeling over his dead self, admitting that “it was me”.

It is also important to note that this is the only instance in the MV where he is not waking up in his bed again.

So that is all already plenty to go from, isn’t it? But don’t worry, there will be plenty more. (Or do worry, my heart cries daily for poor Haruka.)

To go chronologically let us look at his second VD:

Metamorphosis of the Weak

This will be quick, we only have to take a look at the very end here where Haruka comes up with his suicide threat. It’s his first instinct after threatening to kill Es and becoming aware again that he can’t do that. He is making that statement with astounding ease, almost as if … he went through with it before. He knows he is capable of doing it, so he is certain and confident of himself.

On that note, I am like 99,9% certain that he won’t be successful with whatever attempt he might be starting, there will be an intervention or a reason why it’s not possible of some sort. It will most likely go against Milgram’s purpose of judging these prisoners, so it won’t be allowed that somebody escapes proper judgment by putting an end to themselves. (MILGRAM NOVEL 2 SPOILERS: Jackalope in the novel also makes a point of this, saying that the prisoners there are disposable only after they have been judged.)

But I wrote a whole post about all the reason I am certain they won't kill him off in the middle of the trials, if you want feel free to read up on that as well!

So without further ado let us go to Haruka’s second MV:

All knowing and all Agony analysis

We start at 0:12 with Haruka in his solitary confinement, the room getting flooded with water.

Here we are again with the theme of him getting submerged in water.

And the next scene of him submerged in water right here at 0:35 in the mirror (btw. I love the direction of this MV, the blurred writing appearing in the mirror like it is getting drifted ashore by the water being one of the parts of this).

Now here at 1:29 we have a very interesting scene.

Sadly AKAA is riddled with a very spotty translation of the lyrics that doesn’t convey the meaning a lot of times or even leaves out some things.

This part here is the perfect example, the more fitting translation here would be: “if with the push of one button I could be reborn”

The translation exchanges the reborn with reset which doesn’t really carry the same meaning in this context, being reborn is something that you get after dying. I don’t think this is a coincidence at all. Also important detail here is that we have the frames with the butterfly specimens on the wall. The butterfly is a symbol of death and rebirth as well. This goes well with the name of Haruka’s second VD, because “metamorphosis” is the term for the transformation that a butterfly undergoes in the cocoon.

And here another important part that gets lost in translation:

In Japanese it would more correctly translate to “I don't want to die, I don’t want to die”.

Because, yes, I do think that Haruka committed suicide. Do I think that he did it because he wanted to die? No, that was not the main objective for him. In my opinion it was either, like before mentioned, to be reborn so that he can be a more loveable self in the next life or it was the last final desperate cry for attention from his mother after even killing the target of his jealousy didn't give the desired results.

It probably also ties in with his situation in Milgram, he does not want to die, to get wiped out, but his death is once again the only means to an end that he can see in this situation, in this case forcing an innocent vote for Muu with his life as the bargaining chip. (And well, we all know how well that gamble turned out for him ...)

And then at 2:09 we have the scene of Haruka standing on the chair.

You know what people often stand on chairs for? Hanging themselves. Doesn’t help that the barred up window in the back sort of alludes to the rope of a noose the way one of the bars is placed directly behind of him.

And here once more, with the infamous “dreaMu” line.

As I mentioned before, I suspect his pre-Milgram suicide was by drowning, but these images could very well allude to his threat spoken in the prison to secure Muu’s innocent vote. I personally wonder how Haruka could even be aware of this option to take his own life, because I can hardly imagine him having knowledge about this with his “sheltered” lifestyle, but who knows. 

Good luck attempting that in the prison though, as far as I am aware there are no fixtures there that would allow for it, and we are talking about a person that can’t even tie his own shoes, let alone tie a noose that would hold up his whole body weight.

Here we also have another very bad translation choice, and I’m not talking about the “dreaMu”. No, the problem is that they just didn’t include the whole second part of that line which would be “and spread my wings wide”, perfectly going along with Haruka spreading his arms like wings.

As if to take flight. This could be calling back to the butterfly symbolism as well as jumping, “taking flight”, from the chair …

And at 3:00 we reach another part of the MV where Haruka gets submerged in fluid. But this time it’s not water.

We have seen this fluid before in the MV, notably when the preserved animals started “melting”.

Preservation is the important word here, because this fluid is most likely formaldehyde (or formalin), used to preserve dead bodies. Fun fact, this is technically not the first time we see it, it might be present in Weakness as well.

This bottle here right at the beginning looks a lot like bottles that get used to store it. It is also a clear fluid before it comes into contact with what gets preserved.

As to why Haruka has knowledge about this sort of thing is, that I could imagine that his mother had to do with animal specimen preservation, either as a hobby or for work, so he is familiar with the function of it. On that note, he might even have started killing animals to bring his mother more bodies for her hobby/work and to be praised for it.

So we are closing the MV with Haruka sitting and swaying in his “formaldehyde tank”, the very substance in which dead things are preserved, repeating the lines of wanting to be reborn to be the favorite next time, in his next life basically.

(Oh my sweet boy, you don’t have to try so hard, you are already my favorite.)

And this is it, my theory that Haruka is literally a dead boy walking in this prison.

My heart bleeds for him, because for him it’s absolutely impossible to get any sort of happy end at the finale of Milgram and I think he would have deserved the world. Just a family that would have supported and understood him properly, a way more normal life, how his biggest wish is.

[opalspring]

Chess pieces tidbits in Deep Cover

Wanted to see how the prisoners’ chess pieces in Deep Cover looked if you put them next to each other and there are some interesting things to note.

It’s convenient how the table stays at the same height during the whole sequence in the mv, so it’s easier to compare the pieces with each other.

At first, I thought they were sized according to the prisoners’ height (Kazui being the tallest and Amane the smallest etc). However, the order from tallest to smallest piece is actually as follows:

1- Kazui

2- Muu and Shidou at the same height

3- Yuno

4- Mahiru

5- Mikoto and Fuuta at the same height

6- Haruka

7- Amane

(There’s also a considerable gap between Kazui and Muu/Shidou and Haruka and Amane’s placements)

Who knows why this particular order was chosen instead of the prisoners’ height, but here are some of my guesses: I feel like the order is representative of how much of a (potential) danger Kotoko considers the other prisoners, or how highly she thinks of them, (even with her comments about them in Deep Cover (she does say she doesn’t hate them in one interro question but who knows)). I’ll also mention what chess pieces I think correspond to each prisoner but feel free to correct me on that as I’m a casual player.

Assuming the order from tallest to shortest represents the prisoners’ dangerosity level in Kotoko’s eyes:

-Kazui being the tallest could be because of the addition of his great intellect; though he tries to undersell it (him telling Amane he's not that smart, but showing his observation skills and deductions during his vds etc) + him being the physically strongest prisoner. Kotoko also mentions being the most curious about him in a T1 interro answer.

His chess piece looks like a rook; in chess they’re really powerful pieces that shine best at the end of a match when there aren’t a lot of pieces left on the board.

-Muu is the second tallest along with Shidou. Her placement could be because of her ability to sway people to her side/her charisma (how she blackmailed Es thanks to Haruka’s devotion to her etc).

Her chess piece looks like a queen imo. It's pretty well known, but it's the strongest piece in chess. References to her character motif aside, it’s fitting for her with the potential she has influencing important events in the prison (here it's Haruka’s actions, but maybe there'd be more in if routes).

-Shidou is second tallest alongside Muu. It's not surprising with his ability to heal the others as a doctor. He's also a reassuring presence in the presence with his calm attitude even in difficult situations.

I think his chess piece looks like a king. It's the most important piece in chess, since if it gets captured then the game ends. It's also not really strong by itself, usually it's best to keep it hidden safely. It fits Shidou’s situation imo, he's really important for the other prisoners thanks to his healing, but if he were to die, then the prisoners’ would be left on their own if they got hurt, plus Mahiru especially wouldn't be able to get her treatment anymore.

-Yuno is the third tallest piece. She might not be physically strong like Kazui but she's very observant and intelligent so it makes sense imo. 

Her piece is a pawn from the looks of it. It's interesting how Kotoko seems to acknowledge her skills but at the same time views her as the weakest piece in the game. It might be because, while she's smart and has a good read on the prisoners, in the end she's just a spectator in Kotoko’s eyes.

-Mahiru is the fourth tallest. In Kotoko's listing she's around the middle. From my understanding, while Mahiru is in a weakened state at the moment, Kotoko still is impressed by her resilience and ability to empathize with others (Kotoko included like we see in Mahiru’s T2 vd). If the chess pieces' height ranking represents the prisoners' danger potential, then Mahiru's placement is a little weird since she wouldn't hurt a fly (it's true for other prisoners too). Maybe Kotoko sees Mahiru's mental strength as valuable in its own way (since Kotoko couldn't make her change her mind on her view on love even after beating her up etc).

Her piece is a bishop from the way I see it. It's a pretty good piece for the whole game, especially when paired with another to capture enemy pieces. It could refer to Mahiru's positive attitude and its effects on the other prisoners.

-Mikoto is the fifth tallest (with Fuuta). Interestingly, there are three rectangles on top of the piece, probably to represent Mikoto and the other alters. Kotoko seems to be on to the Trikoto theory, which is pretty impressive since she doesn't have as much background on Mikoto as the viewers (though she does mention having “prior knowledge” on the prisoners). He's pretty low in Kotoko's ranking which is kinda sad with how much Mikoto tries to befriend her.

His (and John+ Midokoto’s) piece seems to be a rook. It's ironic how it's such a strong piece, yet Mikoto is ranked around the end. It might be a reference to how Mikoto himself is pretty average in intellect and strength, but John is very strong and Midokoto's abilities are unknown at the moment.

-Fuuta’s chess piece is the fifth tallest with Mikoto’s. It's not surprising with how much Kotoko looks down on him: even though they both hate injustice, Kotoko sees herself as a strong vigilante and Fuuta as a coward and “lame”.

He's also not particularly observant or intelligent (as seen in his tl convo with Kotoko about prisoners' human rights etc), though he's not stupid either.

His chess piece seems to be a bishop like Mahiru. It's interesting how Kotoko doesn't see him as a pawn despite her low opinion of him as seen by his ranking. One could compare his ranking to Yuno’s, who’s ranked high but has a weak piece, and how Fuuta is ranked low but has a decent piece. No idea what Kotoko's train of thought was here, but it's food for thought. Maybe she does see some potential in Fuuta (through their shared views on justice?), though ultimately she sees him as unthreatening.

-Haruka has the second shortest chess piece. I'm guessing Kotoko sees him as unthreatening and nothing more, plus there's her derogatory comments towards him in deep cover. 

His piece is a pawn, which goes in hand with Kotoko's ranking of him. She really seems to have a negative opinion on him, though she does praise his train of thoughts in that infamous tl conversation.

-Amane has the shortest piece. Kotoko probably looks down on her because she's a child, though it's true that even though Amane is smart for her age, she's still not going to be as intelligent as Yuno or Kazui.

It's funny how her piece looks like a pawn with a bishop hat on it. Maybe it suggests Amane tries to make herself seem more intimidating than she is (even though she's a “pawn”, she tries to make herself more threatening than in reality (in Kotoko's eyes)).

If you have a different reading on the chess symbolism I'd love to hear it! It's pretty subjective after all in the end.

Edit: people are saying a lot of cool things in the tags, thanks for sharing your thoughts! An observation that came up twice was how the pawns might be weak, but also have potential to turn into any piece they want (if they reach the end of the board), usually the queen. And when looking at the prisoners who have the pawn as their piece, it's true that they have hidden potential (Haruka with his plan, Amane with her influence on Fuuta + beef with Shidou, Yuno with her read on the situation in the prison + helping Shidou with healing Mahiru,...). So maybe Kotoko acknowledges this part of them too…

[plus-i-miss-you]

Hello, Lina!! I wish you luck and hope you can have lots of fun with your new blog!! How about a request to help you kick off? 👀 Headcanons for t2!Mikoto and Orekoto with a guard gn!reader that tries to keep Mikoto from getting too stressed when interrogating him? Basically, they don't want to push him too hard. After the end of trial 1, I was thinking about how I would have preferred Mikoto and Orekoto over Kotoko as allies if I was a guard, haha.

▷ listening to:

"i won't hurt you, i promise" (gn!reader)

⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻ ılıılıılıılıılıılıㅤㅤ

♪ note: thank you sm aurora! i hope you like this one! (again. probably came out too cute ahshajaj)

♪ summary: okay, maybe voting a guy with undiagnosed did (and an alter who is extremely protective of him) guilty wasn't a good idea. wishing to make amends and get to know these two better, you try to help these two feel at least a bit safer in this hellhole known as milgram prison.

♪ warnings: mostly none, except there's a description of john trying to make the reader believe that he's the "evil" alter in an attempt to protect mikoto. the reader doesn't believe him though and it's mostly lighthearted. also the reader is kinda supposed to be a "replacement" of es, since they're the reason why mikoto's been voted guilty and there's a mention of.. well, what happened in mikoto's first vd.

mikoto kayano.

♪ "y/n, d-don't get me wrong, i don't mind the attention, but seriously, i'm fine! my head hurts a little bit, but other than that-"

oh, but you know well that this man is not fine at all. you're glad to see that mikoto is doing better after.. well, everything that happened with kotoko and all, but you refuse to leave him alone even for a minute. yes, you're worried about him. why wouldn't you be? voting him guilty was your decision and you're not sure it was the correct one (well, you certainly were shocked after watching his video, haha..) and you're ready to take responsibility for it. you just hope kotoko really won't try to attack him (or anyone, really) again..

♪ you make sure to do everything in your power to help mikoto when he's feeling stressed or anxious and you know that this guy really doesn't like to show how he really feels. but you recognize the signs pretty easily, so no matter how hard he tries, you're already there, asking if he's okay. yes, he's still a prisoner, but that doesn't mean you're just gonna interrogate him until he loses consciousness because of how tired he is. so you try your best to check up on him as often as you possibly can. and no, you have no idea why the other prisoners are saying you have your favorites. 

♪ when you're interrogating him, you tell him that it's okay if he doesn't remember something and he doesn't have to force himself to remember it, especially if it's something that can be traumatic for him. of course, you still try to learn at least some new information, that's your job after all, but you try not to push him too hard. you don't mind if john appears again, but you also want to make sure mikoto himself feels safe. whenever he gets distracted, you gently get him back on track and remind him why he's here and if you notice that he's starting to get visibly anxious, you ask if he needs anything and change the topic and try to go back to the question you had once he calms down.

♪ yes, you feel bad about voting him guilty. maybe it really wasn't the right choice. and when mikoto gives you that lost and confused look, asking why you voted him guilty and feeling like he did something wrong.. yeah, you don't feel so good about it. he looks like a sad puppy when he does it and you refuse to look him in the eyes when it happens. so, uh.. you just try to make it up to him by still letting him do things that make him at least a little bit happy. he can sit in his cell and draw stuff if he wants. you can even take a look if he's okay with that. you can also try to help him start hanging out with the other prisoners again-

"h-hey, y/n.. do you know why everyone's kind of.. i don't wanna sound like i'm blaming them or anything, but is it just me or they're avoiding me for some reason?"

.. ah, about that.

john kayano.

♪ o-okay, now you have to try to get along with this guy. and to your surprise, it wasn't.. that hard? he still doesn't fully trust you, that's for sure. but even though your first meeting didn't go that well (him beating you up and almost killing you in the process, romantic, isn't it?), when you've finally managed to make john trust you and believe that you're not dangerous and you're not planning to hurt mikoto (it took.. a lot of time), he started to act a little bit calmer around you. he's still mad at you, for obvious reasons. he has no idea what you saw in that video, but you still voted mikoto guilty. and he won't forgive you so easily.

♪ whenever you try to learn more about mikoto (or john's?..) crime, john tries really hard to make it seem like he's the one at fault. he's the one to blame, not mikoto. just forgive mikoto already, is that so hard? you really think that guy is capable of murdering someone? and you really don't want to suspect these two, but again, that's your job. and you know well that all prisoners are murderers at least in some way. so when john says that he murdered someone to help mikoto relieve his stress.. it just.. doesn't make any sense. you don't say it out loud though and just say that you're not going to try and figure out which one is innocent and which one is guilty. you're going to judge both of them and you will try your best to be fair, but you're not going to point a finger at one of them and go "you're the bad guy here". not at least before you really do get a confirmation that one of them is the murderer.

♪ john tries to play it cool, doing the whole "tch.. do what you want" thing, but on the inside?? he's LOSING IT. hey. hey. he's the murderer. he's the bad one. he's the evil one. just leave mikoto alone already. however, that's not the only reason why he's kinda going insane. he's just.. not used to being treated like this. what do you mean you see him and mikoto as two different people and treat them as such. why are you so nice to both of them. he's not surprised that mikoto feels safe around you, this guy is way too naive (yes, he means it in an affectionate way), but why does he also feel kind of.. whatever. just remember to forgive mikoto and everything will be fine.

♪ when you hear the infamous "weird noises coming from mikoto's cell", you know well that it's john's doing, so you go pay him a visit. you try to talk to him about whatever that's bothering him, and when he asks just why are you "acting like this" (he's talking about being nice.), you simply say that it's also a part of your job. yes, you're supposed to judge the prisoners, but you don't want anything to happen to them before all three trials are over. he looks at you for a moment, processing your words and says that it sounds like a lie, though you can't hear any anger in his voice, he actually sounds a little confused. you sigh and try to fix his hair that's been messy since the second trial started.

"well, you're not exactly being honest with me either."