#and of course a sad himbo is nice :)

[citrine-elephant]

axton would 100% give the wife-turret a blanket bcuz he's worried she's either getting cold or is upset about something

a good flesh-husband. he may be an intergalactic war criminal, but he will make sure the mrs' is happy and taken care of.

[lazycats-stuff]

been thinking of a batbro bimbo reader who isn't yet fully aware of his family's identitys but is a vigilante too. Thinking of him getting flirted on and the other's getting protective. Especially the younger siblings (Ex: Damian)

Oh Damian is going to kill them. Blade out and everything. Also, I think you thought about writing a himbo. Also, I don't know which gif to put so enjoy a storm lol.

Summary: (Y/N) is a bit stupid, but very nice. He is oblivious to a lot of stuff and his siblings are protective of him.

Warnings: (Y/N) is stupid and sweet at the same time, adorable (Y/N), protective everybody, especially Damian.

Bruce often wondered how (Y/N) managed to survive for this long. Looks are often deceiving, he knows that very well. He always expected the unexpected and (Y/N) was certainly something of that sort. You know how you expect big people to be cold and just rude over all?

(Y/N) is sweet beyond belief and Bruce wonders how he survived for so long as a vigilante. But there is another problem too. (Y/N) sometimes has problems seeing when he is being flirted with and overall, sometimes slow with catching up.

What kind of scared Bruce was the fact that (Y/N) still didn't... Kind of... Connect the dots with their identities. Bruce often kept an eye out on (Y/N) during patrol or missions. Always. Everyone also kept an eye on their brother.

They all loved (Y/N) and they all just wanted to make sure that he is okay. He is far too adorable and kind for this world. That is a conclusion that everyone has reached. Even Damian. Damian is the one who is the most protective of him.

(Y/N) found a way to channel his kindness. Bruce helped him set up a few organizations to help the youth on the streets, homeless people in general and one for mental health problems.

Well, more (Y/N) and Tim. (Y/N) is the face of those charities and Tim has agreed to help out behind the scenes. He never minded doing it for his brother and it's for a good cause so he didn't mind to help with the financial stuff.

(Y/N) has tried to do it on his own, but he just hated paperwork. Bruce and Tim sympathized with (Y/N), knowing how paperwork could be shit. Tim loved working with (Y/N). More so than with Bruce. But Bruce will never know it.

(Y/N) is often considered by Gotham City as their baby on social media and he is famous because of it. Well, because of his kindness and other moments that social media would say is iconic. Gotham loved him and (Y/N) would often go in his vigilante suit to see little kids all year round in the hospitals in Gotham and sometimes elsewhere.

(Y/N) loved doing it and loved seeing kids smile. Some were just so beaten down that by being in a hospital and seeing them smile so much made (Y/N)'s day.

Damian is often considered as (Y/N)'s bodyguard on galas. Of course, there are many people who consider (Y/N) handsome. Unfortunately, (Y/N) can't see those advances and that's where Damian has stepped in. Always.

If (Y/N) is going to be in a relationship, it's going to be with someone who looks past his looks. Many who tried to woo him did so because of his looks. Not because of him and personality.

Damian often stepped in, making excuses for (Y/N) as to why he couldn't. And then the man would be met with an icy glare.

Now, the public loved (Y/N) even more when they saw how he treated women. How respectful he is... The female population of Gotham City have lost their minds. There was a viral moment where (Y/N) was seen giving his umbrella to a lady after a heavy rain started. He was soaked afterwards, but at least he did something nice.

There is a plethora of responses from men, but once (Y/N) came out as gay, those men weren't afraid of not getting anymore dates. The women of Gotham were sad, but there was nothing that they could do.

Dick and Jason were also protective of (Y/N), but not to the degree where Damian is. Nowhere near. But did they always keep an eye on him? Yes. That's their brother, how could they not. They loved him, but they knew that the couldn't protect him like Damian does.

Damian is on a whole another level.

Galas are often considered the most stress inducing thing that happens a few times a year. Nobody liked to attend galas in the family, not even Bruce, but they had to due to appearances they had to.

(Y/N) didn't mind it. Now, galas are often the time when Damian was vigilant around (Y/N). Bruce didn't say anything to Damian about being protective. In fact, it made Bruce happy, knowing that he didn't have to be constantly vigilant over (Y/N).

Damian is his second in command when it came to (Y/N)'s protection. Damian is often subtle in the way he is vigilant. Often. He never outright stood next to (Y/N), but he was always close enough to step in.

Always.

As of now, (Y/N) was making his way to the bar to get a drink. Damian watched him from the buffet table. He watched everyone else in the room, seeing if anyone was looking at (Y/N). And he did find someone.

He was looking at (Y/N) with something in his eyes that made Damian pissed. He knew that look very well and it wasn't to talk to (Y/N) about his charities. Damian waited for a moment to see if his suspicions are right.

And when was Damian wrong? Never.

He wanted to scoff at the predictability of these guys. They are really predictable. He watched for a moment more, but when he saw how the man smiled at his brother, it was go time. He swiftly put some food on the plate, (Y/N)'s favorite and quickly went to the bar where the two were.

" Hey (Y/N), here is some food that I know you love. " Damian said, bringing (Y/N)'s attention to himself.

" Oh really? Thanks Damian. "

" No problem and Bruce told me he needs to talk to you. " Damian said and quickly glanced at Bruce who nodded subtly.

" Oh? Well, I will talk to you later then. " (Y/N) said as he turned to his 'suitor' and then took the food that Damian brought and then walked off. The moment that (Y/N) couldn't see them, Damian glares at the man.

" I wouldn't try it if I were you. " Damian said as he glared at the man.

" And what is a kid like you going to do? " The man said and Damian had to smirk at the arrogance.

" I know who you are. I know that your father wants to make a deal with my father. And I can always put a word in about you. And let me tell you, father is very protective of (Y/N) and he is not going to like the fact that you are just trying to sleep with him. "

The man tried to defend himself, but deep down he knew that Damian was spot on.

" Now, I wouldn't really try to flirt with him anymore. Not to mention, there are 3 more brothers that will kick your ass in different ways if you try to. " Damian said as he walked off, trying not to smirk once more.

He can't smirk or (Y/N) will see something. Who said that galas could be boring when you can threaten your brother's suitors? Dick and Jason gave him a thumbs up from a far. Tim and Bruce shook their heads quietly. Damian walked up to (Y/N) and gave him a quick hug.

Nobody messes with (Y/N) Wayne. Nobody.

[readyandnot]

WHY I AM HUXLEY’S NO. 1 FAN

{ a ready rambles special! }

credit to the lovely @milogreer once again this is amazing :)) and Morgan for getting it for me!

1: I am Huxley’s No. 1 Fan

2: I am a certified Huxley Simp 🪪

3: All jokes aside, Huxley has and will continue to remain my favorite out of all the characters in the Redactedverse. From the moment I listened to his first audio (meeting FL) I fell in love IMMEDIATELY. I’ve never seen a himbo so perfectly portrayed in a character as Huxley and he’s made me love them even more (him especially of course).

4: Even with Huxley dating Damien instead of FL, he continues to remain my favorite character because he is so much more to me than a romance option. He is is own person with flaws and perfections. He is so emotionally intelligent, physically and mentally strong (even in the dark moments), and so sweet to everyone. He is also so protective of his friends (saw that in Inversion) and supportive it’s so heartwarming.

5: I also still love him when he’s dating Damien because it’s brought out a new side of him and Dami that I absolutely LOVE. They’re so perfect together it makes me so happy for them both even though they were potential romance options for FL.

6: I payed for the Patreon and the FIRST THING I DID was listen to his BA… (it’s so good like wow)

7: I have written so much about Huxley with my FL, and Morgan can vouch on how often I think of and write Huxley whenever we write our FL’s. He’s the first one I think of with my FL in every single AU we do together.

8: I have made numerous thumbnails involving Huxley and have had thumbnails made for me by the fabulously talented Morgan on multiple occasions with Huxley!

9: I have posted on numerous occasions (whether my own post or on someone else’s) about my love for Huxley!

10: I have voted for Huxley in every poll that involved him :))

11: For most of the time, I call Huxley by his full name because it’s such a beautiful name and deserves to be said fully (Hux is a cute nickname though don’t get me wrong!)

12: I have a Pinterest board SPECIFICALLY for Huxley 💚

13: Huxley in my opinion is the underrated one of the DAMN group, and he is so sweet it makes me sad sometimes! He is the balance of everyone in the group: The sweet to Dami, the gentle to Lasko, the ease to Freelancer and the fun to Gavin! It makes me smile seeing him interact with everyone and I love him so much with the group because it’s so nice seeing him be himself after so many years of not!

14: The first commission I ever asked and received was one of Huxley and my FL :))

credit to @sri-rachaa for this beautiful masterpiece you made quite a long while ago!!!

15: I am Huxley’s Sunflower :))

N E WAY

These are fifteen reasons why I believe you should vote for me as Huxley’s biggest fan! Blunt and explained points and it would mean so much to my fictional and irl heart if awarded :))

Even to be nominated is awesome and I sincerely wish the best of luck to the other nominees and the other categories!

Good luck @morgansplace with Lasko, you got my vote :))

@plaqying Thanks for letting me be a nominee!

Sincerely,

[anarchic-miscellany]

Reading "One Piece" for the first time: Part 15

It's been a while so I was worried that my dodgy bootleg site keeping this thing going was going to be offline, but here we are.

I hope that the art gets better soon, it's a very... distinct style.

Anyway!

Our Idiot and Giga Chad are doing... something? The king/villain of this arc is kind of weak and kind of lame, but I enjoy the snow and the magical fun times Winter Wonderland Castle! The little old lady crone doctor (Deny. Defend. Depose) is revealing some depths, I guess? And the reindeer seems to be the next big character of this arc/crew: honestly guys, not too sold. I mean, I didn't see it coming, in the same way that I wouldn't have seen a sentient cube made of bees coming, but from what I gather this guy's a main character. So... first thoughts aren't great? I mean, he's more likable than the Idiot (massive fucking overpowered dullard with the IQ of a bucket that he is), but I was unmoved by his sad backstory about a doctor on a mountain? I don't know, I'm just a cynical bastard like that and the hype has never lived up to it. That's it? The Blue Nosed Reindeer ate a human fruit (fucking Axe Cop had better writing than this) and wants to cure disease, but then his mentor the crone sold him to (Deny. Defend. Depose) ate a mushroom and exploded? And now the Idiot heard that story and defends his flag because nobody forms immediate life or death attachments to inanimate objects and strangers he just met QUITE like Doofus Q. Dullard.

But then the villain turned into a fucking gingerbread house, and that was fucking amazing? Every time I think I build a tolerance to this author's bullshit, he pulls more out of the bag.

Whilst the crowd are gathering their torches and sharpening their forks (I gather that Blue Nose Reindeer is a popular character in the fandom. I prefer Chopper Reed or Barry the Chopper thus far, but we shall see) I will say I liked Cartographer With a Brain Cell being nice as she recovered in the castle, and appreciated very much that our companion of the week was Giga Chad: that guy is excellent, and I am happy to finally have them bench the Himbo and his Seventeen Fucking Swords, or whatever. I am forever grateful, also, that we don't cut back to the ship much, because we would probably see him arranging them in a circle for a tea party or something. Sad we didn't get more of Meme in Progress, but I liked his efforts to carry a dude (even if they were immediately shot down by The Himbo... Cut this guy a break, Shonen Edgelord Himbo Shitbag) and that the whole thing ended on a Christmas joke.

Mixed thoughts on the series so far: meh on the Blue Nosed Reindeer (I'll come up with a better nickname for him in time) and that whole shebang, but I liked the Christmas island, if not the mixed messages and perfunctory "guess we have to fight a house now" fight, but appreciate that it's par for the course in Shonen stuff, even if I was just counting the pages until The Idiot let off yet more super attacks. Seven Phases of Reindeer, however, sounds like a great L'Arc-en-Ciel album title, as well as something they should tell the Giga Chad about more: can you imagine the succulent, delicious phases of reindeer meat he could cook from 7 phases?!

Appreciate the shadowy "Baroque" villain head revealing the existance of 7 "Pirate Lords". Nice to have some actual villains hinted at, and talked about for the future, even if I am going to be underwhelmed if these are the fights on display and nothing will stop this bimbling fuckhead of a protagonist, who is starting to grate upon me. I hope that Giga Chad gets to eat a crocodile though, that would be amazing. As for who the next in the crew could be? I'm still holding out hope for a Merman or a Vampire. Also, can we have some women in the crew? It's a bit of a sausage fest. Honestly I was more interested in the grouchy old crone lady (Deny. Defend. Depose) and hoping she would join. But it's early days for Blue Nosed Reindeer, he could grow on me.

(Side note: I just spilt a cup of tea all over my desk, so maybe the universe is already damning me for not gnoshing on the Reindeer's Cock upon meeting him and his backstory)

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 14 Derision

Spoilers Below

-WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE!?

-Umm Marinette? You okay?

-Have some cereal with your milk.

-Yea something is up with Marinette.

-Marinette's bike is cool.

-Okay adrinette hand holding is cute. But something seems wrong here

-Okay so she reacted seeing an image of Kim... okay weird.

-Okay ... Marinette is having a panic attack. That feels a bit too real

-Bugs! Locker full of bugs. But what does it have to do with...

-Marinette freaked out hard. and Kim says thats her normal reaction to pranks... Kim? What the fuck?! What did you do?

-Of COURSE the akuma shows up now

-"Panic" Oh damn thats a good name for an akuma. But I know Marinette would never get akumatized (especially at this point) But I really want some art interpretations of that form

-So Marinette is having a flashback while Monarch be trying to work on akumatization... How does that work?

-Okay so Marinette had a crush on Kim in 8th grade... Wow someone somewhere owes Lunian some money.

-Marinette with her hair down! Not a drill. Flashbacks matter

-Marinette of 8th grade doesnt want to go to school... Oh wow it feels like origins. Does Sabine KNOW how bad it is? Why not just let her change schools?

-Chloé bullied Marinette, but that was already known...

-JEEZ! Bugs in the locker. Seriously!? Where did chloe make sabrina get those

-And Damacles is a f***ing asshole

-Oh Jeez, Mendeleiev still a harsh b****

-Oh come on! Someone give Marinette a break

-Wait... Kim just thought these were NORMAL Reactions to pranks. He thought these were Okay?!

-Okay wow, yea Mendeleiev and Damocles are garbage. Sure hope no one thought they were better teachers than Ms.Bustier. That would sure suck.

-Chloé is really no different then how she has been all season or season 1

-Juleka looks ready to throw hands. So I really cant hate any of the other students in the class, they seem scared of Chloé, and honestly seeing what I saw. I dont blame them.

-Mylene out right said "Chloé's mom leaving is no excuse. My mom left and I aint a bitch." Go off Queen

-At least Juleka, Rose and Mylene talked to Marinette and were kind

-Kim actually offered his swim trunks to her. Well that is kind of sweet in a himbo way.

-Chloé really just decided to hate on Marinette.

-Damn Socqueline! You defend Marinette. Maybe thats why Marinette wears her hair like that.

-So Socqueline is a year older confirmed. And it does explain the deeper lore about her knowing her mom.

-Tonto. Hehehehehehe

-For a change? So the implication is that Marinette has crushes before. Makes sense. Marinette at this point seems like the type to develop crushes on anyone nice to her.

-Kim doesnt really get when Pranks are pranks and Pranks are... well TOO far. OMG he is the "Its just a prank Bro" type

-Sabrina was watching.... oh this can only end poorly

-Oh... oh no. No no no no no no no.

-Kim you are really an idiot. And not in the endearing himbo way.

-Marinette didnt have a plan back then... Oh! This is gonna result in a trauma where she needs to... Oh wow this is gonna be traumatic af.

-Socqueline is like a big sister to her. Poor thing already can see this going poorly

-This looks like an adorable time. The marikim looks adorable, yet all I can think about is how Chloe will ruin it.

-Oh no, Kim. Please dont do this.

-IT HAD BUGS IN IT! KIM! KIM!!! IN WHAT WORLD DID YOU THINK THIS WAS AN OKAY PRANK?! THAT WAS 8 TYPES OF FUCKED UP. I DONT CARE HOW CONVINCING CHLOÉ IS. YOU ABSOLUTE GARBAGE MEATHEAD!!

-Welp... Chloé has done some f***ed up things. But Wow. This really is her at her worst. Like damn. That is just... And here I thought Lila was bad.

-So Astruc, you really needed to drive the point home on why you hate chloé. You REALLY drove it home. But really

-Socqueline Out here for the save! At the very least saving Marinette from ABSOLUTE eternal shame. Put some respect on this character that only appeared this season.

-Kim REALLY doesnt get how f***ed that was. Its a sad day when a Himbo is more dumb than kind. That just make him an idiot.

-Marinette needs a hug.

-So this explains everything about Why Marinette knows absolutely everything about adrien early on. Well except for the fact he is chat noir. But yea. It was actually TRAUMA!

-"And that he is not friends with Chloé." Yea Adrien, buddy. You might want to completely burn that bridge now. Side note, this completely contextualizes Origins and why Marinette assumed the worst about Adrien off the bat. Damn. This was deep. A little exposition heavy... but deep

-And Chloé gets Socqueline because she broke her phone. Well Damocles. You are officially s*** in my eyes. Even Darker owl seems less slay to me. YOU RUINED DARKOWL FOR ME YOU BASTARD

-She got suspended for two weeks. That sucks

-Wow, so was that flashback instant? Or was Monarch just patiently watching that flashback ENGROSSED by it?

-She broke free by working through the source of her trauma in a matter of seconds... Okay.

-Oh damn! Ondine and Adrien look ready to throw hands at Kim. And Justifiably so.

-Kim... You done goofed. You really are an idiot and My opinion of you is trash.

-Adrien going full arthur anger meme. PUNCH HIM ADRIEN. PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE

-Dude doesnt even swim with his goggles.

-Monarch really said "If I gotta settle, I can at least spin it to make it sound better than it is."

-Dark Humor, Hehe instead of Dark cupid. Clever. Cause his sense of humor is dark. Also CHAT NOIR HAS A REASON TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.

-Its twisted that he gets his old power

-Also... was he wearing that in the pool? That thing is waterproof? Neat.

-I like the updated costume. But I hate kim right now

-Adrien is ready to throw hands.

-Chat noir wants to beat Kim's ass today. SLAY KITTY SLAY

-YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Chat noir giving Dark Humor the Two Piece No Biscuit.

-He gonna cataclysm him! oh sh*t. Chat noir really felt regret about accidentally cataclysming Monarch, but now ready to erase kim. Yea I completely understand. Valid.

-Ladybug understably needed to stop him... But that caused him to get hit with the goofy arrow. Damn

-Ladybug had to detransform and retransform quick. Tikki really sped ate her cookie today.

-She got jokes

-And Ladybug's plan faked him out and now he got a toilet on his head

-Ladybug may also be using this as a chance to work stuff out.

-The ladynoir is cute. But Chat noir was still 100% justified in his beating of dark humor... Except the cataclysm. But I get why he was ready to use it.

-Well at least Kim is owning up to his s***. He is still an idiot. But He is a himbo. But yea, still a dick move early on Kim. Path to redemption Kim. (still forgave him too quickly.) But Ondine will beat his ass if he doesnt stick to it.

-This Adrinette is adorable and sweet and understanding.

-Trauma is still there. Guess she isnt completely over it, which is understandable. It will take some time (or like 3 episodes)

-Adrien went to chloé. Oh damn. You go boy

-Yea, this chloé is season 4-5 chloé alright. Nothing surprising here. She is just vile

-Sabrina looked annoyed at that speech. (Sabrina will remember that)

-Adrien is officially done. He ended it there officially. Friendship over.

_____________________________________________________________

So I have a LOT of thoughts on this.

For one, Every adult in miraculous is an idiot. Sabine, its good you has Socqueline there to help... but that doesnt really mean s***. This is where you work with the school to have her change classes, or even schools. 3 years of that treatment is enough.

Also, Damocles. You gutless coward. Even if it did cost you your job. The fact you let yourself get controlled to let your STUDENTS suffer is gross.

And Kim... Kim you are an idiot. The fact that you didnt even think that a prank like that was too far?! Adrien was more than justified in a cataclysm. But you did apologize and promised to THINK about the consequences. Plus you are a kid. I can forgive. But THIN ICE MY GUY

Chloé, yea season 2 and Season 3 chloé might as well be a completely different character than this chloé. Zoe appeared after harnessing any decency Chloé has left. But yea, I dont care for this chloé. Not gonna defend this chloé.

So this does explain a LOT about Marinette's more cautious personality. But it also doesnt make sense in a way that Marinette didnt really think things through before. Because if thats the case... then the thing that made her a good ladybug was because of a crippling trauma?! I feel like this maybe should have fleshed out younger marinette more.

Socqueline really was like an older sister to Marinette, but sadly it feels like her inclusion without mention before makes this feel like this traumatic event wasnt planned from the get go as the reason Marinette is how she is. Also after what happened to Socqueline. How could Tom and Sabine allow Marinette to go to that school again?! Seriously. Especially after KNOWING Chloé would be in Marinette's class in origins.

Side note, Adrien was 100% perfect this episode. Loved him. Ondine too. I do wish Civilian adrien did get ONE punch on Kim tho. Just one.

Chat noir laying a beating though was great.

Right, so even though I enjoyed the episode to an extent... I cant say it leaves the show in a better place. If anything, I think it leaves things much worse off.

6/10

3 points for the adrinette moments

2 points for Chat noir laying a beating on Kim

1 point because Kim apologized.

Overall I dont like the direction of things this implies

[rayclubs]

Ok ok what’s been your favorite and least favorite case so far? Across all the games

Ooh, that's a tough question because it really depends on the terms on which I'm judging them. I can like a case with a weak mystery and a solid story and characters, just as much as a case with boring characters but a really engaging mystery that's genuinely hard to crack. I can also forgive both a weak mystery and a weak plot if the case has one (1) really loveable himbo (I'm talking about Will Powers, of course, every case with Will Powers in it is a great one in my book).

Proving Damon Gant guilty was probably the most fun. He's in the story from very early on, and I did suspect him from minute one, but it wasn't annoying because his mannerisms were entertaining and his powerful aura of someone not to fuck with captivated me. He was there long enough to go from amusing to endearing, to menacing, and finally to pathetic, which is always a great watch. The mystery was fairly solid too. Blue Badger provided a much needed horror element, and Jake Marshall was one of my favorite side characters. Also the music was epic.

Purely mystery-wise, the gourd lake murder was the best. I really liked the twist about the criminal "taking the bullet" - literally "taking" the bullet with him, I thought it was very nicely done. Overall, if I were to replay a case, I'd pick that one.

Narratively, the Max Galactica trial was super fun, and genuinely heart-wrenching at the end. What a sad turn of events. Goddamn.

Matt Engarde coolest twist villain of all time, I love him.

Least favorite case... Mystery-wise, would have to be Dr. Gray's murder - I figured most things out very quickly but it dragged on for way too long, and the resolution was just kind of unsatisfying, really. Didn't even get to watch Morgan Fey sweat on the witness stand. What a shame.

Narrative-wise, it'd have to be the Will Powers trial. I liked it fine, it just didn't stick with me, and the villain was meh. Least threatening of them all, honestly.

I'm not counting the tiny cases at the beginning of each game, btw. I think they work fine as tutorials, and have no need for a complex story or a particularly emotional plot. They're tutorials, they should be judged by different standards. THAT SAID, Dahlia Hawthorne's theme music is fucking heavenly, oh my god. Can't even get mad at her. Genuinely one of the most beautiful tracks I've ever heard in my life. Breathtaking.

[fayesdiary]

For the ship ask, I wanna hear about the mc pairs, celicalm and chrobin :3

Alm/Celica

When I started shipping them

I think I always liked them, although I never had that spark that made me ship them super hard. I like them more now though!

My thoughts

I wish they had more screentime together, but they work well together!

They're both huge dorks who try to do right, and the thematic parallels are nice.

Also there's a lot of cute art of them together and that helps a lot.

I don't ship them super hard but I definitely enjoy seeing them together :D

What make me happy about them

As I said, they're really cute together and supportive of each other! And they're both really silly :3

What makes me sad about them

There's not much in particular, although the latter end of Acts 4 and the beginning of Act 5 definitely counts, especially when I was writing Valentian Reports

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

Mentioned Celica's harem already, but for Alm... I'm not sure, honestly.

Faye's a big no-no and while Clair also fancies him I think they work better platonically.

I'm sure there are a lot of people he'd work with well but I can't think of one right out of the bat.

My happily ever after for them

I'd say their canon ending works together really well already! Just have Zofia Castle be filled with cats :3

Who is the big spoon/little spoon

They switch! Especially depending on who needs more comfort at that moment.

Favorite non-sexual activity

Playing with their cats, of course! :3

Chrom/Robin

When I started shipping them

I honestly have no idea. Like Awakening itself it feels like one of the things that have been around since forever. I do know I started actively shipping them after reading Iturbide's works though, so you can thank them for it😂

My thoughts

They're so perfect for each other it's ridiculous, you could make entire essays about them!

Also I prefer male Chrobin a bit more... both because I like male Robin more and because their support is a lot better than the one with female Robin.

Female Chrobin is also top-tier though, don't get me wrong. Just wish they had a better support together.

What makes me happy about them

God. Just about everything. The sheer trust they have on each other? How they complete each other so perfectly? The strength of their bond that transcends fate, time and space? How much of a bunch of dorks they are? The corniness and genuity of it all?

Just... screams

What makes me sad about them

Everything about the bad future and Future Past or heck, even when Robin realizes they're a threat to Chrom in the main timeline.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me

Never found things in fanfic that actively annoy me so... I'll just go with oversimplify their characters, like making Chrom nothing but a himbo.

Things I look for in fanfic

I want them to long for each other so bad. Doesn't matter the setting and tone. I want the strength of their bond to be constantly shown.

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

I could say most of the Shepherds, really.

But for pairs I actively ship, Sumia and Olivia for Chrom and Cordelia, Anna and Tiki for Robin!

My happily ever after for them

Just them living together is their happily ever after, let's be honest.

Who is the big spoon/little spoon

Chrom is definitely the big spoon!

What's their favorite non-sexual activity

Either cuddling or just being in each other's presence!

[millylotus]

S1 E8

Brainstorm still talking like a know it all I love it

Kevin is not about that shit

Gwen be so depressed bout Max

I like it when Gwen & Ben talk about when they where younger

Anomite lady!

Don't know her exactly but I know that Gwen and Ben have an anomite granma and Gwen has those powers

Verdona I saw her name on the wiki

Kevin being the voice of reason is still my new fave thing

Ben making clicky noise to stim and Kevin being overwhelmed by them is the best thing to happen

The doors open weird on Kevin's car

Course Gwen misses everything

Verdona just fucking blasted them! GO GRANDMA GO!

This is a game for her and I love it

Why is the lighting so bad with this show

Ben just got fucking blown up

Verdona bauta kill some kids

Gwen coming in with the save

Verdona just fucking dipping all cryptic like

---

Gwen you're scaring your dad

Mr.Frank knows about the alien shit god damn

Frank don't like Kevin one bit and I love

Verdona don't be a bitch to your daughter-in-law we don't need that energy

Anodyte, spelled it wrong the first time

Anodyne, holy shit Verdona bouta take Gwen off planet for a joy ride

I wanna know the relationship between Max Verdona & their kids like they both defiently fucked up as parents at least once

Ben don't be a bitch that was a weird type of compliment

---

Verdona is so sketchy

JEBUS THE LIGHT THE FUCK

she just dropped her skin holy fuck

Kay so Verdona is not so great

She gives abusive Goddess vibes wtf

Kevin having his little himbo moment is the best

SPIDER MONKEY IS ADORABLE!!!😍

They tearing up the street

Kevin just kill her

Verdona & Ben bonding over shitty puns is something I didn't know I needed until I saw it

Cosmic Horror trying take you to the dark side

---

Verdona : One day you'll learn how to make a new body, any kind you like

Me: Trans mtf Gwen confirmed 😗

---

Verdona : Like you little friend Curtis

Kevin : Kevin

that was so disrespectful and for what 😂

Verdona just snapping her fingers and fixing everything

Verdona like Ben now nice

---

So we all just saying Max is dead now? Alright cool, sad but cool

[iomramh]

📝Let's get personal 📝

What about the reality show interest your MC? What's was their occupation?

A change of scene and ADVENTURE!

Where is your MC from?

Currently of Manchester, United Kingdom. Born and lived in Torquay, Australia until she was almost 16. Her parents are originally from Ojai, California. She is half Argentinian (dad), half Finnish (mom). Her accent is likely all over the place as a result.

How did their family react to the sudden decision to be on reality TV?

Her parents are kinda free spirited, so they had no objections. "Sounds like fun" and "Have a good time" was basically the response.

Reality TV ain't all Reality.... what's a trope that describes your MC the best. (Villain, Girl/Boy/Person next door, airhead...)

Probably something like "Surfer Girl", "Beach Bum", but also somehow "Book Nerd", and hopefully "Final Girl". Though I'm sure she'd also like to leave with her romantic partner intact as well.

Describe their style! I mean hair, tattoos, piercings, the WHOLE NINE YARDS.

Has a blue ringed octopus and a golden wattle flower tattoo. A fairly standard amount of piercings in her ears and a stud in her nose. Her dress attire would probably be considered: casual, sporty, surf girl. Usually in shorts or jeans and Billabong or Rip Curl brand shirts and hoodies.

Wild card!

Wants to one day own an Octopus Aquarium but knows they are real Houdinis (probably what she'd name it) and escape easy and are really hard to care for and so therefore will never own one.

❤️ Relationships 🧡

Who did your MC partner up with? And why??

Griff! Imogen was a close second. He seemed the more adventurous out of the initial dates that she picked so he won out. The kiss and the fact that he apparently enjoys swimming didn't hurt either. Also according to the author he smells a bit like the ocean, if she subconsciously picked up on that at all she'd probably be all over him. Oh look at that, she was all over him, guess she did pick it up. lol.

Speaking of body count..... is your MC planning on being loyal or are their going to hop to the next one..

She is in it for a change of scene and some adventure, so the money and or finding someone nice to date is just a bonus, so if Griff is up to sticking around she'll probably stick with him. Depends on the rest of the dates of course.

What's their type?

Apparently himbos. Athletic types or book nerds.

Not every relationship is sexual! Right now who's your MCs bestie?

Florrie for fun, Adegoke or Imogen because BOOKS and WRITING. Of course assuming she doesn't garner even MORE interest in Imogen.

..... who's their worstie?? 👀

Doesn't fully dislike anybody yet. Avery probably feels too uptight for her to get along with though.

💀There's been a MURDER Injury 💀

How did they react? Inner dialog and all.

Went into shock, then kinda numb, then absolutely sad.

What was their relationship with the victim... were they partners.

Was one of their quick dates. Liked that they dressed like they belonged in an Agatha Christie novel. Was rooting for them to find love. Found it funny when they got paired with Arthur since she (MC) called their argument at the beginning a "domestic".

Did they believe that Ellis was alive? Or did they call it out?

Called it out.

Who does your MC think did it? Like number 1 on their suspect list... why...?

Head empty for now, no thoughts. Just wanted to nap then replay it and think about it after some sleep. Since Griff was in bed with her she will probably figure she can rule him out.

If it comes to down to it... can your MC add a body to their body count?

Probably in self defense or to defend another. Would prefer not to. She likes horror but not in real life. A total softie/hippie when it comes to harming things. Would probably be a vegetarian if bacon wasn't so delicious.

BONUS: Any juicy details you got on your MC?

No One Gets Out Alive by Adam Nevill and The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher are her favorite horror books. Sinister is one of her (many) favorite horror movies.

Body Count Asks

Hey, I'm Coco, and @bodycountgame is one of my favorite interactive fiction! I would love to know about your MC

📝Let's get personal 📝

What about the reality show intrest your MC? What's was their occupation?

Where is your MC from?

How did their family react to the sudden decision to be on reality TV?

Reality TV ain't all Reality.... what's a trope that describes your MC the best. (Villain, Girl/Boy/Person next door, airhead...)

Describe their style! I mean hair, tattoos, piercings, the WHOLE NINE YARDS.

Wild card!

❤️ Relationships 🧡

Who did your MC partner up with? And why??

Speaking of body count..... is your MC planning on being loyal or are their going to hop to the next one..

What's their type?

Not every relationship is sexual! Right now who's your MCs bestie?

..... who's their worstie?? 👀

💀There's been a MURDER Injury 💀

How did they react? Inner dialog and all

What was their relationship with the victim... were they partners.

Did they believe that Ellis was alive? Or did they call it out?

Who does your MC think did it? Like number 1 on their suspect list... why...?

If it comes to down to it... can your MC add a body to their body count?

BONUS: Any juicy details you got on your MC?

BONUS²: A iconic reality TV meme that describes your MC

[ultraqueer]

okay but. all of the grad PCs are giving me at least some level of himbo energy

[broken-glass-puppet]

Hi, before I say my request I have to say I love your pfp it looks so cool. Now on to the request, could we get Jeff, Puppeteer, Ej, Bloody painterz and doctor smiley with a tall male s/o who, like Jeff, have slits in his face but it's not from his mouth to his ears, it's just the middle part of his cheek(but still big) and he actually has this because of a mistake doctors made when he was 5 so now he has Nosocomephobia(the fear of hospitala) and Iatrophobia(the fear of doctors)? Sorry if it's alot and I hope you enjoy your day/night 😁

Thanks for requesting, sorry if Is short

Jeff

Oh so you are beautiful like him? That solves a lot of problems dear

He's angry when you tell him about your trauma, you poor thing, how much you suffered

Oh but bonus points, you are tall, and he is tall himself but you are the hottest mother fucker he have seen

But he realizes that you hate being sick because that means you need to go to a hospital, ha! Not anymore, he's your personal nurse

But he's super soft with you, everyone is super surprised

The puppeteer

He hates hospitals, he doesn't understand it, why would you trust your live to a person who you don't know? And we better not talk about mental hospitals (I've heard the nurses treat the pacients HORRIBLE in those)

But he's worried about you, you poor poor thing, come to his arms for a hug

He can be rather sweet and after all you are taller than him so haha bonus points for that

Me and the bad bitch I pulled by having the same trauma as him

He loves your height, hes shorter than you but still he's the big spoon, nope you can't argue

Ej

He's...sad and mad

In my au he's a nurse in the mansion and he hates to see people hurt

He's there for you, he cares so deeply about you and your fellings, if you are felling off just tell him

When he helps you with recovery he doesn't wear his nurse uniform, that makes you more calm so bonus points

He loves your height soooo much

But he's taller than you so haha suck it up

No but you two are so sweet to each other, how cute

Bloody painter

He will cry so much if you tell him about your trauma

He's so sorry that happened to you, he's hugging you, just constantly saying how he's sorry, how you are beautiful and he just loves you sm

So he takes care of you when you are sick or have some part of your body felling bad

Oh you are taller, he's flustered like super flustered, because he's just this short skinny guy and you are a fucking himbo

Couple goals

Doctor smiley

He was calm, telling you that you are safe, that those people can't hurt you anymore but inside he was in fire, mad and angry at thise who hurted you

He killed those people that night but of course you don't know about that

And sorry but you aren't taller than him, he's super tall so haha good luck next time

But he takes care of you when you are sick or something, treating you like he's your husband and talking so sweet to you oh my god he's just so sweet

He understands your fear about doctors so he works with you on that, trying to make your fear more light so he can use his uniform around you, making you gifts and talking you real nice

[absolutepokemontrash]

Eat Your Feelings

I felt the sudden urge to write about my favourite hungry hungry himbo, and now, here I am.

Warnings: Mentions of Beel wanting to eat MC at the beginning of them knowing each other

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Beelzebub was the Avatar of Gluttony, and food was his forte. He was nice for a demon, most would note. Despite his nearly terrifying resting expression and overall stature, Beel was a sweet guy. The swoonworthy captain of the Fangol team, always willing to lend a hand… in exchange for food of course.

One couldn’t spend more than an hour at most around Beelzebub without hearing something about his love for food, be it from the demon himself or from his terrifying stomach growls.

“Don’t eat your feelings, Beelzebub.” Lucifer had told him one bright Friday morning. Everyone was ravenously tearing through breakfast with as much fervour as Beel, excited to start the day in the Celestial Realm.

“What do you mean, Lucifer?” Beel said through a mouthful of food, which caused the eldest to grimace slightly.

“Don’t eat your feelings, it’s a saying.” Lucifer explained. “Don’t eat to try to distract from negative emotions, face them like the soon to be seraph you are.”

Why would I be eating my feelings? Beel briefly wondered before the empty seat that normally belonged to Levi caught his eye. Oh… right…

Levi was off fighting the demons, he had left the previous day…

Beel felt his heart sink upon remembering.

…maybe he could eat his feelings a little more…

…

…

…

Just a little bit more became a mantra Beel repeated to himself, over and over and over, like a cultish chant that echoed off his skull and consumed his thoughts. Just a little bit more wouldn’t hurt… I’m so damn hungry…

Don’t eat your feelings.

Don’t eat your feelings.

It was too late for Lucifer’s advice, as Beel had cleared out the pantry and was rummaging through the cupboards like a man starved.

Just a little bit more…

Lilith was dead and gone.

Belphie wouldn’t talk to him.

Just a little bit more…

Just a bit…

Mammon’s bad habits were spiralling out of control.

Levi wouldn’t leave his room.

He would stop after this bite, just one more-

Asmo had become obsessed with himself and only himself.

The baby wouldn’t stop screaming.

Lucifer was a wreck-

Beel polished off the last of the food in the cubboards, he looked around the kitchen… nothing. He had eaten everything. The cupboards were open and empty, the fridge was picked clean, and yet, there was still a void. A void right in Beel’s chest that refused to fill, a void that screamed for more, for him to give it more.

He was still hungry, and nothing could fill it.

As Beel’s stomach growled again, he could only think of one little thing…

Oh how he wished he could eat his feelings.

…

…

…

Humans were a delicacy in the Devildom for thousands of years until Diavolo decided the practice of eating them was barbaric and banned it.

“We can’t exactly expect the humans to like us while we’re actively eating them, can we? For the betterment of both our worlds, no more eating humans.”

Beel almost openly groaned in sadness when the news broke, but Lucifer gave him a glare so sharp Beel was sure it actually managed to paralyze his vocal cords.

But that didn’t change the fact that humans were amazingly tasty, so when the human exchange student was dropped into the assembly hall, he couldn’t help but begin to drool. They were an average human, like all the rest, but Beel had developed a craving, and it was going to take all his self control to not devour the human on the spot.

The first day, 3:30 pm, Beel was walking home from school, his stomach beginning to rumble. Damn it he needed a snack…

He began to salivate at the thought, mmmmm… there was ice cream mochi in the freezer, maybe he could dig into that-

The frantic shaking of the front gate of the house broke Beel out of his thoughts. There was the human, looking back and forth from the gate that refused to open, to a group of four demons that were running towards them.

Ah, Beel finally saw the issue, the gate was bent at the hinges, Cerberus must have gnawed on it.

As the demons got closer, the human’s attempts to open the gate grew in desperation, they began to ram their shoulder against the metal. With each shriek of the metal, the other demons got closer and closer until-

“Damn it!” One of them cried before turning to their friends and saying: “Beel.”

The others stopped dead in their tracks the moment they noticed that Beel had walked up the sidewalk and was standing a mere five feet from the human, who had only just noticed him.

The human was wide eyed, staring up at him with a mixture of terror and almost… relief? Well, mostly terror.

After a few moments of deafening silence and stillness, the other demons groaned and walked away, mumbling about losing their after-school snack.

The faint rattling of the gate started up again. Beel looked down at the human again to see their hands shaking against the gate, but their stare hadn’t left Beel.

The Avatar of Gluttony’s stomach growled. The human was right there… no one else was around…

Beel’s hand shot out, and the human shrieked, throwing up their hands in a feeble attempt to defend themselves, but… when they realized Beel hadn’t touched them, they looked up again. His hand was clasped around the gate, as he yanked it open. The two were as still as statues, no one dared to move an inch until Beel’s stomach growled again.

“Are you going to go inside?” Beel asked, tilting his head.

The human, mouth slightly agape, slowly nodded, then nodded quickly. “Y-yes. Inside. Right!”

They then scampered through the gate and into the house. Beel’s stomach grumbled again.

…the ice cream mochi better still be in the fridge…

…

…

…

As the days turned into weeks, Beel couldn’t help but feel shame for his craving. The human was nice, they had become friends with Mammon and Levi, two of the most notoriously difficult to get along with of the seven princes of Hell, and the human had no qualms about sharing their food with him.

On one particular Saturday night, Beel heard a shout come from the human’s room, and he couldn’t help but poke his head in to see what was happening.

There on the floor, sitting in front of a TV, was the human, Mammon, and Levi, frantically tapping buttons on their controllers.

“Who the hell picks Rainbow Road for fun?!” Mammon growled as his character fell off the track, which elicited a giggle from the human.

“Me.” Levi said, the edge of his voice tinged with a hiss. “Because I’m not a noob like you.”

“Dumbass!” Mammon said as he slammed his elbow into Levi’s bicep, still keeping focused on the game where he slammed his kart against Levi’s. “I ain’t no noob! I’ve been playin’ racing games with you since the first Mario Kart came out!”

“Don’t fight you two, channel your aggression into the game.” The human said, a sly little smirk appearing on their face. “Because… oops.”

The human rammed their kart against the two of their’s, throwing them both off the track and letting the human take the lead.

“Looks like I’m winning~.”

“Not next round you’re not!” Levi promised as he began frantically trying to catch up.

It was at that moment when Beel felt his heart swell with joy upon seeing his brothers getting along, where he noticed… he wasn’t hungry. Well, the gnawing feeling was still there, it would always be there, but it was just so… tameable. Controllable.

…it was nice.

…

…

…

Sure, he had gotten mad enough at Mammon and the human to destroy the wall that connected the kitchen and their room in a hunger filled rampage, but on that particular day, Beel wasn’t feeling very content.

He had been saving that pudding for pity’s sake! It wasn’t the cheap stuff, either! Maybe that was what had attracted Mammon to it, the fact that the pudding was worth more than what Mammon usually had in his bank account (which was never too much, mind you).

But after spending time with the human, watching how they were willing to throw themselves in front of Lucifer himself in order to protect him and Luke… Beel had begun to feel something else. Something beyond simple contentment or hunger.

It was… it was…

“Butterflies!” Asmo had cried to him one day. The Avatar of Lust threw himself onto one of the living room couches and rested his head against one of Beel’s biceps. “I swear whenever Barbatos gives me that charming butler look I get butterflies…”

“I don’t think Barbatos meant to be charming. He was just looking at you.” Beel replied, stuffing chips into his face.

“Oh you don’t know him like I do, Beel…” Asmo giggled. “That nervous but hopelessly attractive sensation that rumbles in your chest and stomach…”

Oh… so Beel had butterflies in his stomach… that made sense. Pleasant little nervous butterflies.

Every little smile, exchange of looks, friendly word, sent Beel’s butterflies fluttering. But for the first time in a very, very long time, Beel didn’t want to eat these feelings away.

[ancha-aus]

TBF it is fine. People don't age that much. They just learn to act more 'adult' and are more private about their hobbies. so no worries.

Killer was so hopelessly crushing but it was fine because he wasn't allowed to touch or go near anyway. At first because ccino adn nightmare OBVIOUSLY were a thing... oh... they aren't? Well nightmare said off limits so off limits! haha! And it isn't like Killer cares! why would he!? Sure ccino is cool and gorgeous but there isn't anything there and-

Him laying in bed at night just: oh fuck.

because how does he DEAL wiht that? The answer? he doesn't He just tries to stay near to ccino when he can and that is it! Nothing weird! so what some people who were rude to ccino or about ccino went missing? Ngihtmare's orders hahah! Not at all killer being spiteful in anyway >:)

(ccino and killer eventually figure it out and kinda carefully kinda date. and Killer just WON'T STOP bringing little pressies and stufff. Just the WHOLE time. So many trinkets. Ccino is very confused.)

Stop that is so funny. No one realises it because well... they are skeletons. it isn't like you can see it. but then he mentions it and the old man jokes start. (of course it is killer)

and stop!! Cross means so well and is honestly worried and trying to help and Dust is just so mad and annoyed about it.

Okay but the thought that it came from a good place? That they meant it as something nice and as caring? And Dust meanwhile just feels hopeless about it all?

It is so sad. Dust just feels like it will never ever work and is so sad about it but the others are just so excited because Dust likes someone and-

and then they realise just how dust feels about it and realise that they had been rubbing salt into the wound :( they made it up to their friend of course but still it is sad.

blue and dream are young and himboing their way to victory. people try to manipulate them and it works but also these two boys are ALWAYS on the move and WON'T stay STILL long enough to be fully manupilated.

New Age AU (Age Line-up)

Hello guys, I decided that I would put the guys into a (loose) comprehensive list of ages. This is all relative to whenever Nightmare first became 13 again. This is set 7 years after the coronation and Dream's banishment. (More Explanations below the cut)

So I'll start in the order of when these goobers met Night.

Ccino! He met Nightmare when he was born, and is 7 years older than him when they were children. Now, thanks to the gap in time (in which Nightmare appeared somewhere between 20-30) they have 14 years apart in age. Ccino is 27 at the start of the main plot.

Killer! He met Nightmare one year into his rule, almost on the dot. He is 25 when the main plot begins. (They met when Killer was 19. Killer was the correct age to be put up for death, a legal adult, while his partner in crime was too young and therefore was still imprisoned.)

Dust! He met Nightmare during his second year of rule. He is 30 when the main plot begins. (Dust was about 25 when Nightmare released him from imprisonment to help him learn about the black market.) Dust is the oldest of the Knights. Yes he gets teased ruthlessly about it by the others.

Horror! He also met Nightmare during the second year of his rule (though later in the year than Dust). He is 28 when the main plot begins. (He met Night when he was about 23, almost old enough to take over his family's farm, but his brother could handle it, so he chose to accept Night's offer and teach him to improve farms across the kingdom.)

Cross! Cross met Nightmare 5 years into his rule, and is 20 when the main plot begins. (His home kingdom collapsed when he was 16, he spent 2 years wandering with Ink, then met Dream. Dream asked him to spy on Night, and he was caught, so he met Night when he was just 18 and spent 2 years with him.) He's young, and he always kinda felt out of place, but the others adopted him in really easily, and the bond between a family is something Cross won't risk losing, so he's ultra loyal.

Error! Error met Nightmare 6 years into his rule, and is 15 when the main plot begins. (He ran away when he was 14 when Geno left, and was almost immediately scooped up by Nightmare within the same year. Hence why Fresh couldn't find him.) Error has very little time to acclimate to Nightmare's adult habits before he's slammed with the Young Night information (therefore he didn't have as many weird apprehensions)

The others and their connections to the others start... here!

Dream! Dream has been aging normally, so he is now 20! (He left the kingdom harboring him at age 15 with Blue, and when he returns to finally face Nightmare he's about 21.)

Blue! Met Dream during his second year in exile, and is now 21. (He left with Dream when he was 16.)

Ink! He has a crazy backstory, but he met Dream when he was 17, and brought Cross w/ him and stayed when Dream was 18. Start of the plot? He's 24! (Ink my beloved, he's crazy, and might be lying about his age, but for the sake of this, he's generally 24.)

Fresh! Age 22 at the start of the story. (He's only 7 when Error is born, and 21 when Error runs away.)

Geno! Age 32 when the plot begins! He leaves when he's about 30 to move and work with Reaper. (I'm retconning some things here, to say that the news of Error disappearing took over a year or two to finally reach Geno's ears. There are a few years worth of conflict between Dream and Night that need to pad out before Geno enters the narrative, so we're gonna say Fresh took a LONG time searching for Error before he finally told Reno the truth.)

Reaper! He's actually so so old. Like. Dusty musty old guy who acts/looks young <3. No canon age for him because he's so outside the range :)

[quiveringdeer]

@marleysfinest

So at first glance/thought, one would assume certified Himbo Hunk™️ Reiner "Baby got back" Braun would be a dog person.

He tries his best to stay active (even with that crippling depression--better than me baby). Sports, running, weight lifting, swimming. And sans the weight lifting, probs, a dog could do all that with him. Depending on the right breed, they're energetic and always so adorable and lovable and seeking your approval and attention. (They are Reiner!)

And that's the thing, Reiner would be a dog-person (sweet lil Rottweiler!) but he is a cat pal in actuality.

True that the dog owner stereotype--requiring that constant affection, attention and approval validation via the pup bein all up in your business 24-7-- is what Reiner would want. But cause my brain makes things sad, I feel like he'd of course treasure having a pup, but like if the dog is that way around everyone just because they're a dog then is he really special?

Must just be because that's the way its breed is -Reiner probably 🙄 (ignoring the breeds that wouldn't be like that okay braun)

BUT Cats! They are choosier with their love and attention. So he'd probably feel worthier in comparison cause he obviously earned their trust. Right? Oh Reiner darling, please express this in therapy before finding a pet.

However! This all sparked a headcanon of this stray (I love this trope okay! sue me) somewhere near his apartment/house. The third day seeing the lil emaciated pickle hanging around that area looking for scraps, he buys some nice wet food and kibble that he can leave out. The kitty is a bit feral and mistrusting. Running and hiding if he approaches. Even hissing.

But over a number of months they let him get close enough where they'll headbutt his hand if he holds it out and keeps it very still.

They also start following him when he's walking around town. A tiny lil shadow.

Maybe eventually Rei coaxes them inside so they'll be safer from the elements and danger. They're always howling for freedom--he almost renames them Eren-- but he's scared of losing them :( So he finds out about cat condos and if he's in an apartment, I could see him moving somewhere for his cat to have a little catio. Cause this man is always putting others' needs and comfort over his own.

[undead-merman]

Hmmm… my brain woke up and went "yandere driders". In real life I will scream and run away from any insect or arachnid, but I see that big spider man and my brain short circuits. Actually, the idea of a drider still kidnapping a darling who is afraid of spiders… He works so hard to try and prove that he wants to take care of them by offering them his best kills (already tied up and liquidized because he is trying to spoil them) and trying to mimic more human forms of affection to try and put their darling at ease (like hugging and things). Of course, darling needs to be tied up because they tried to run. He was careful though. He made sure his silk was super soft for them and made sure it wouldn't hurt them. 

Eventually though? Darling will come around. That tends to happen when they only get to talk to one person. Any hope of someone finding them died a while ago (potential along with the person – oops) and, like, their Drider is so nice. What's the harm in liking him, even just a bit?

Happy Drider even eventually doing cute (and likely terrifying) mating rituals once Darling finally loves them back? I just mmmmmmmmmmm ~🌹

Fucking brilliant idea, in love with it. I'm kind of the same way. I don't mind them so long as they aren't touching me. They can be around, just don't crawl on me because my natural instinct is to swat them. Editor loves spiders, just as obsessed with them as they are with mushrooms.

But can I offer a bit of a himbo attitude? He's massive and absolutely stacked with muscles. You're camping with your friends and he sees you and it's just hearts around his head. He silently looks into your tent and sees you in your sleeping bag. Do you like being wrapped up? He can do that! It's like you're begging for it.

He waits for a few days, and he even sends one of his small friends to see you. He loves bragging about you to the other spiders in the forest. But when you scream and bolt, he's heartbroken. You don't like spiders? No, it's okay, he'll show you how wonderful they are! That night, just as you were going to leave the next morning, he wraps you up while you were sleeping and hugs you close as he carries you back to his lovenest.

Just as he goes to put you down, your phone falls and he notices it. Humans use it for things, right? They have it on them a lot. He'll keep it safe and sound. When you wake up, he smiles at you and says some kind of overly sappy good morning. Like, "Good morning, sunshine. The spiders say hello!" But you're screaming in hysteria. He starts panicking. He was trying to offer you his morning hunt. But you just get more riled up. He's sorry, he's sorry! What else do you need? What's making you so upset?

He's patient, though. He'll wait for you to calm down. Though he may or may not be moping that his darling isn't as happy to see him as he is with you. He starts figuring out your phone and is able to look up ways to 'seduce' you. though the pop-ups are annoying. He doesn't realize it's your friends trying to call and text you frantically. How can humans not get overwhelmed by it? Eventually, the battery dies, but he has enough knowledge from seeing other campers as well as your phone's secrets to help him out.

He sees how afraid you are of the little ones. So he asks them to politely keep their distance. He's sad too, but he wants you to be comfortable. He slowly starts hugging you and realizes it's to his liking. Even when you freeze up. He loves your warmth and how incredibly soft your skin is. Are all humans so soft and smell so nice, or is it just you? He likes to touch you, put his hand on your back and lean into you while you sit and wrap your legs around him. Or even just softly playing with your hair. It has a fun texture, much different than his. It's like exposure therapy, nice and slow. It's hard to not lean into those wonderfully gentle touches now. He can't be so bad if he tries this hard to make you comfortable.

[ppersonna]

out of my league - knj | 01

you were out of my league. got my heartbeat racing. if i die, don't wake me, cause you are more than just a dream - out of my league, fitz and the tantrums

✹ summary- Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

✹ pairing- kim namjoon x reader

✹ word count- 6.6k

✹ genre- angst, smut, comedy

✹ chapter warnings- swearing, descriptions of sex, sexual content, namjoon being a sexy flirt, jungkook being a himbo, awkward conversations, jimin being a protective bff

✹ a/n- hello and welcome to this fic thats lived in my google docs for almost a year now. without @ladyartemesia @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen and @chimoona, i would never have posted it. i truly owe so much of my brainstorming and creativity to their incredible brains and thoughts and ideas. i love them very much! i hope you enjoy this first chapter! please feel free to message me, talk to me abt anything!! im always here to chat. ILY!

MASTERLIST

Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out this way.

You planned to confess your undying, unerring love for your coworker at a better time, a classier place. You would wear a dress that highlighted your features, hair cascading down your back, makeup done to perfection and spritzed with expensive perfume. You’d confess, he’d confess right back, and you’d live happily ever after.

You’d also dreamt that Kim Namjoon would have the slightest inkling of who you are before he finds out about your year long crush. He might know you as the mousy girl in the office who doesn’t talk and doesn’t contribute much other than some crunched numbers and apparently the best coffee brewer in the office. But you’d prefer he knows you well—your favorite colors and movies and foods, what makes you happy and sad; things future husbands should know.

You very much did not think it would happen in a company wide conference, full of over five hundred suit-wearing executives. You did not think it would be done by the office bully, Chungha, who carefully takes over the mic and speaks the words clearly as she presents awards of recognition.

“Congratulations to Kim Namjoon for 5 years with the company, over $4 million in revenue, and the object of ____’s lust and affection. I’m sure you two will have the happy life she’s written in her journal about. Make sure you celebrate with her today!”

The room is silent, so silent you could have heard a pin drop from a mile away. Your face is cherry red and you wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole. Your heart feels like someone has ripped it in half and you stare in horror at the girl smirking at the front. Is this what it feels like to be backstabbed? Namjoon looks perplexed—confusion written on his face as he gestures around to no one in particular like he’s saying ‘what the fuck was that?’

Awkward coughing and clapping begins and Namjoon stands to receive his award, a fine wooden fountain pen, and chances a glance around the room. He easily spots you, with your wide, frightened face. His look remains passive, not hinting what he’s thinking behind those stormy eyes, before he turns and sits back down at the table with his buddies from his department.

You seriously contemplate quitting your job. You could find a new one easily, right? Just stand up and tell your boss you quit and you’re out of there before Namjoon ever sees you again and you’ll never have to face the mean girl who’s ratting you out.

As much as the idea rolls through your head, you know you won’t do it. You love your job, love the security and finances it provides you, and you love to look at Kim Namjoon, all day every day.

You don’t understand where things went wrong.

( one month ago )

It’s 9:03 am. You finish brewing the coffee in the small staff kitchen and sigh at the aroma of the freshly ground beans. Coffee is your favorite meal, favorite time of day, favorite snack, and preferred beverage. You drink it constantly. You’re known as “coffee girl” at work, mostly because no one really bothers to get to know you beyond that. You drink coffee like it’s a devoted religion. You could drink a cup right before bed and still sleep like a baby. It was, put simply, your drink.

The office workers deem you to be the one to make the pots of coffee every morning, claiming you were the ‘best’. You didn’t mind—you preferred to make your own coffee regardless—but you believe your coworkers are trying to pass off the twenty-minute job to someone lower in the office hierarchy. And you were one step above the interns.

The coffee machine chimes to let you know it’s hot, and it’s ready for you. You eagerly pour a mug, a large one, and smile as the waft of freshly ground beans (by you, of course) fills your senses.

You nearly knock the cup out of your hand as Kim Namjoon strolls into the office, eyes set on the coffee.

You feel your throat swell up, like he’s an allergen and you’re caught without an epi-pen. Butterflies swirl in your stomach and you can’t stop staring at him. He pays you no mind, tired yet determined to pour a cup of coffee and get back to his office.

You stand in the small kitchen, clutching your coffee like a lifeline, and pray to god you don’t do something stupid.

Namjoon pours his mug, and you watch his muscular hands grip the coffee pot. He pours a hefty amount of cream and sugar into his cup—it appears even perfect male specimens have their faults. 

Your eyes dance on his face before they tango down his body. You wonder what he looks like in the morning, crawling out of bed with mussed hair and a sleepy smile painted on his face. He’d look at you and tell you you’re the most beautiful girl and kiss you deeply despite morning breath. Maybe he’d take you to the shower to press you against the tile as he fuc-

“Oh!” it startles Namjoon to see you, and the coffee in his hand swishes violently. “Didn’t see you there. Sorry!”

Your heart melts. He’s the picture of kindness and politeness. You recognize it’s been a few seconds and you still haven’t replied.

“It’s fine!”

“Great coffee, by the way,” he smiles. His teeth nearly knock you out cold with their brilliance. “Have a good day.”

He turns and exits the room without so much as a glance back at you. Your knees feel weak.

Kim Namjoon talked to you. He complimented you. He told you to have a good day. It’s the best and most significant conversation you’ve had with your secret crush.

You definitely file that away for another day when you need to reminisce on his compliment, and you scurry out of the kitchen towards your desk.

Park Jimin is waiting dutifully at your desk when you arrive, a smug smile still slapped over your features as you sip at your coffee. Namjoon spoke to you today—how lovely.

Jimin quirks an eyebrow. 

“What’s got you so perky this morning?” 

You’re normally quiet and passive, avoiding eye contact or any semblance of emotion on your face.

You look up at the blonde bespectacled boy. Park Jimin is the closest thing to a best friend in the company. He’s who you spend time with at lunch, see on weekends, and text often. You suppose he’s the closest thing to a best friend you have in your entire life.

You send him a smirk and lean in close to whisper. “Namjoon said hi to me today!”

Jimin sends you a pitiful look and pats your shoulder. Your best friend is well aware of your secret crush and while he thinks Namjoon is a nice guy, he thinks your crush is a little hopeless. He’s the most popular guy in the office, often has dates lined up every weekend. Jimin hears the way he and his friends talk in the break room. The man is definitely not hurting for female attention.

“Oh, honey,” he sighs, unenthusiastically. “That’s great.” He can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness over how excited you’re getting from a simple ‘hello’ from a coworker.

“I know, right? Anyway, lunch today?” You ask as you settle down into your cubicle.

Jimin pushes his glasses up his face and nods. “Of course! That’s why I came by this morning. I wanted to let you know that Jungkook from marketing will join us.”

You make a face, disgust etched in the lines creasing your forehead. 

“Why?”

Jungkook is well known in the company. He’s a loudmouth, a player, a clown, and everyone’s favorite comedian. He’s just not your favorite.

“Don’t be rude,” Jimin admonishes at your grimace. “He asked to join and well—he’s cute. I can’t say no to him.”

“Oh Christ, Jimin,” you groan. “Not you too! Don’t tell me you have the hots for the serial fuckboy?”

He blushes lightly and shrugs. “Maybe I do! Be nice to him today or I’ll eat all your chocolate ice cream I know you have at home.”

You stick your tongue out, petulantly. “Fine, now let me get to work or else Seokjin will be up my ass.”

Jimin smiles and kisses your cheek before he scurries away, back to human resources.

It feels as if barely any time has passed. You’re working hard, running calculations and updating spreadsheets. You have an eye for numbers, and losing yourself in an equation is just another day for you. You’re shaken from your cheerful place by a vibration from your phone, and a text alert popping on the lit screen.

jimin 12:01 pm- it’s lunchtime!! you better get your butt out here!

You smile and text back an affirmative reply, then move to grab your lunch from the company fridge. Gliding down the steps leading to the fresh outdoors, you meet Jimin at the lunch tables in the grass.

Jimin is sitting with Jungkook. You can recognize your best friend by his hair and glasses, and Jungkook by his obnoxious laughter.

“Hi,” you murmur as you sit down and open up the brown bag lunch you’ve brought.

“Hi!” Jimin is excited to see you, and just a pinch over eager to be sitting next to Jungkook.

“You know Jungkook, right?” Jimin asks, a harsh look in his eyes that reminds you to be on your best behavior.

You nod as you pull out a bag of grapes. “Oh, yeah, hey,” you smile. “I’ve seen you around.”

Jungkook delivers you a signature smirk and you feel yourself roll your eyes internally. “Yeah, you’re Coffee Girl, right?”

You pout and glare down at your brown bag lunch. Will you ever become more than just Coffee Girl?

“Yeah, I suppose that’s me.”

Jimin clears his throat to dismiss any awkwardness. 

“So, Jungkook, I hear you like working out? ___ likes to work out too. She drags me to the gym sometimes. Maybe we could all meet up sometime?” You don’t miss the hopeful lilt in his voice. Jungkook does.

“Oh, yeah?” He narrows a sexy look at you, rather—a look he thinks is sexy that you find off-putting. “What do you do at the gym? Little cardio sets with 5 pound weights?”

What an asshole.

“Sometimes,” you state as you take a bite of the homemade salad you handcrafted last night. “Most of the time I’m lifting heavy. I can bench 275 and deadlift 300.”

Jungkook looks taken back. “What, really?” He sounds breathless. “You lift more than Namjoon-hyung.”

At the sound of the love of your life’s name, you pause. Your face heats quickly and Jungkook smirks. Of course, he recognizes this and not Jimin’s obvious flirting.

“Why are you blushing?” He asks. “Did I say something?”

You’re quick to dismiss things. “Um--no. I just um,” you’re grasping at straws. “I’m hot.”

Jimin is trying not to laugh, hiding his mouth behind a petite hand.

Jungkook tilts his head. “It’s not even sunny today.”

You gulp. “Yeah, I must be hot. With a fever. M-malaria… probably.”

Jungkook snorts. 

“You have malaria? Bummer.” He picks at his nails. “I thought for a moment you had a thing for Namjoon.”

“No!” The retort is quick, too quick for normal conversation, and it gives you away.

“Aha!” Jungkook points an accusing finger at you. “You have the hots for him, don’t you?”

Your features melt, and Jimin tries to assuage the situation. “Jungkook, please don’t tell anyone,” he pleads.

Jungkook smiles at you. “That’s so cute. It’s like a little nerdy freshman crushing on the senior class president.”

You bury your head in your hands, suddenly unable to stomach any food.

“Jungkook,” Jimin’s tone becomes more firm, authoritative. “I’m asking you this as a friend. Please, don’t say anything.”

Jungkook holds his hands up to prove his innocence and waves his proverbial white flag. 

“Secret is safe with me,” he promises. “But it’s cute. I know him really well, you know. I could try to hook you two up.”

You blanch, unsure if you want Jungkook saying anything about you to the man of your dreams. 

“I’m good, but thanks,” you offer meekly. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to head back to work, okay?”

Jimin frowns, knowing you’re feeling like a cornered animal, and nods. “Feel better, babe,” he sighs.

Jungkook watches as you leave and turns to Jimin. “Man, he’s way out of her league.”

Jimin slaps the boy in the chest. “Be nice, asshole, that’s my best friend.”

Jungkook promises to be nice, and Jimin is blissfully unaware that others are listening and that the man beside him is easy to persuade.

( present day )

The company-wide meeting adjourns soon after what is likely to be the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever lived through.

You’re grabbing at your things and trying to run out of the room, desperate to get out before anyone sees you or talks to you or laughs at you.

A hand grabs at the coattails of your suit jacket and you’re pulled backwards with a yelp. You turn to seek your captor and find the concerned face of your best friend, Jimin.

“Are you okay? What the fuck just happened?”

Jimin’s concern makes it all real. Until now you could pretend you were in a fugue state, totally dissociated from reality. Now, you realize that everyone in the entire company is aware of your crush on Kim Namjoon.

You can feel your bottom lip wobble, tears threatening to spill. Jimin murmurs an ‘oh shit’ and drags you out of the large room and into the nearest bathroom. He pushes you to sit against the sink and passes you toilet paper to dab at your eyes.

“I don’t know how she found out!” you cry. “God, I feel so stupid and embarrassed.”

It incenses Jimin. He’s holding it back to ensure you’re okay, but in reality, it’s an HR nightmare waiting to happen. He’ll find who did it and punish them accordingly.

They will suffer. 

“It’s okay, babe,” he pulls you into a hug. “Everyone will forget about it soon. They’ll think it’s just a lame office joke, okay?”

You nod, feeling the slightest bit comforted by his words. 

“How could she find out, Jiminie?” You ask with a sniffle. “You’re the only person who knows.”

Jimin sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, but they’re dead. I haven’t told any-... oh, my god,” Jimin stops suddenly. You look up at him to catch what he’s thinking.

He growls and balls his fists. 

“Jungkook knew.”

You let out a sob and bawl your eyes out into the tissue you’re holding. Jimin holds you tighter while he conjures up a hundred different ways to hurt someone and make it look like an accident.

“Don’t worry,” Jimin sighs, trying to comfort both you and himself. “I’m HR. I have to handle this. I’ll make sure they get what they deserve.”

You feel a sting of pain for Jimin. He’s been hopelessly doting on the man who spilled the beans for a few months now, even got to take him on a few dates. It was still nothing serious, but Jimin was clearly smitten.

“I’m sorry you have to do that, Chim,” you whisper. “I know how you feel about him.”

“Yeah, well,” he swallows thickly. “You’re more important than any asshole.”

Jimin holds you tight for a few minutes longer, before you clean yourself up and steel yourself. Ignore everyone, Jimin encourages. Just get to work, he says. Then you can go home and we’ll drink wine and forget about it all, he promises.

You replay his words in his head like a prayer as you walk down the corridors and towards your office. Everyone in the hallways stops to stare at you. They lean towards their friends and whisper. You hear snippets of their gossip, like “Namjoon” and “out of her league”. It drives the sharp blade lodged in your chest even further. It threatens to collapse your lungs and break your ribs.

You make it to your desk safe and sound and bury yourself in work and forcibly ignore the gawking and the stares. 

Just make it home. Just get through the day. You’re almost there.

You could do this.

You nearly make it the entire day before running into the one person you didn’t want to see, Kim Namjoon.

At the end of the day, you’re taking the stairs down to the parking garage instead of the elevator. The elevator is too busy, too many people, and you’re trying to avoid the stares and giggles at your expense. The stairs are always deserted and you figure it’s your safest bet.

You can nearly hear the wine calling your name at home. A delicate glass of Sauvignon Blanc and some chocolate ice cream and a good cry—it sounds like the best and only way to unwind after the worst day you’ve ever had in your life.

The chanting of your name gets louder and you wonder if you’ve finally lost your mind—if you’re actually hearing your wine bottles all the way at home talking to you.

No, wait. The voice is real, and coming from behind you. You turn around to face who’s calling you and nearly faint at the sight.

Kim Namjoon stands on the landing above you, one strip of stairs between you.

“Hey!” He seems glad he’s caught you. “I’ve been calling your name for a minute.”

You swallow and search for an answer. 

“Sorry, I’m-.. I guess I’m just a little out of it today.”

Namjoon grimaces. 

“Yeah, about that…” he begins as he takes the steps down to be on equal ground as you. Your heart is spinning wildly. He’s so close to you. He’s talking to you. On any other day you’d be erupting towards the sky like a firework. But today isn’t any other day.

“I feel like I should apologize,” he states. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t plan it or anything.”

Damn him and his kindness. Damn him and his cute, awkward smile.

“No, no,” you assure. “I know you didn’t. You don’t have to apologize.”

It’s hard to make eye contact with the man. You want to, know it’s important in intense conversations like this, but the thought of him seeing you—really seeing you makes you ache inside.

“It was a really shitty prank,” he begins. “I’m sure you don’t even know who I am, let alone have a crush on me.”

For the millionth time that day, your face heats to a near boil. You stammer and you’re sure you’ve blown any chance at even thinking about a date with Namjoon.

“Oh, uh, right,” you seek an answer, beg your brain to pick something to say that doesn’t make you sound stupid. “I do.”

“You do what?” He’s confused and you widen your eyes at what just left your mouth.

“I do know you! I mean, I do have a crush on you! Oh, fuck,” you shove your face into your hands. “Please, ignore that. I need to go. Sorry!” You don’t give him a chance to reply, you book it out of the stairway as fast as your heels will take you.

Today was the worst day you’ve suffered through in your life.

The next few days aren’t much better.

Not only are you “coffee girl”, you’re now also sarcastically called “Namjoon’s girl”. As much as you hate your initial title, you’d prefer it to the new one they throw at you as you walk by.

Jimin rats out Jungkook and Chungha to the bosses. They get two weeks probation and they have to write you apology letters if they wish to keep their permanent files clean of any reprimands. It’s a slap on the wrist, and everyone involved knows it. Jimin is furious and wants the boss to reconsider. You tell him not to push it. You’d rather this be over and everyone to forget it even happened. Jimin unwillingly agrees.

You’re working at your desk, earphones shoved in your ears to diffuse the gossip in the room, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn and are greeted with the face of Judas Iscariot himself, Jeon Jungkook.

“Hi,” he sounds sheepish, cheeks reddening.

You narrow your eyes at him, sharper than steel. “What the fuck do you want?”

He winces, knowing he deserved that. “Well, I just wanted to apologize. I know they told me to write you a letter, but it seems too impersonal…”. 

You can’t believe Jungkook is sucking his ego up and actually coming to you to apologize. You thought he’d for sure be the one to cop out and send a shitty letter.

He continues. 

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry that all went down. I didn’t mean to tell her. She got me drunk and said she saw me eating lunch with you and Jimin. I think she was jealous or something and it slipped out. I know that’s not an excuse. I fucked up your trust and Jimin’s trust. But I just wanted you to know I didn’t do it to be an asshole. She sort of duped me.”

You pause as you take in the man’s apology. He didn’t have to come to you in person. He could have easily taken the shitty route and half-assed a letter to you. But he didn't, and he owned up to his mistake. God dammit.

“I appreciate your apology, Jungkook,” you sigh and you see his body visibly relax. “I’m still mad, but I guess the anger is at her for doing it in the first place. I’m sorry she tricked you.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and kneels down beside you. “I’m really happy you believe me. I was worried you were going to kick me in the nuts.

“I won’t lie, I thought about it.”

He smiles with you, and you feel like this is the restart of a friendship. “I definitely deserved it.”

You shrug and smile. “Jimin would kill me for hurting you. He might even kill me for thinking about hurting you.”

Jungkook’s smile drops at the name of your best friend. Yikes. Looks like there’s still trouble in paradise.

“I think you’d be in similar company with Jimin right now. He’s not speaking to me.”

You let out a breath through your nose. “Yeah, he’s a little protective of me.”

“For good reason,” he admits. “You’re like a cute little flower. A cute nerdy flower.”

“Jungkook,” you warn. “I just forgave you after I was humiliated in front of the entire company. I’d be careful with calling me nerdy right now.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

It’s hard to stay mad at the boy, no matter how much you dislike his reputation around the office. The fact that he humbled himself enough to seek you out and apologize is proof enough to you of his character.

“It’s okay, Jungkook. I forgive you,” you smile. “Thank you for apologizing.”

He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as his cheeks flare red.

“Yeah, it felt pretty shitty to just… do anything else. Plus, you seem really cool.”

“You seem great, too, Jungkook.”

He smiles and pulls you in for a hug, catching you off guard. For the fuckboy type, he’s surprisingly sensitive and soft. You like that about him.

“I’ll see you around, okay?” He says as he pulls away from you.

“Maybe you should apologize to Jimin, too?” 

His smile drops, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, maybe I’ll go find him now.”

“Good luck,” you offer with a pat on his shoulder.

With a sad smile, he turns and heads down the hallway towards the HR department. You pray Jimin shows mercy to the handsome boy.

A few weeks go by, and you’re sure that everyone has forgotten about you and your most embarrassing moment to date. You make the coffee, you calculate the numbers, everyone ignores you. Things return to relative normalcy.

Until it doesn't. The moment you think you're safe is the moment your guard comes down and everything falls apart around you.

It's when you're in the staff kitchen, grinding fresh beans to brew a second pot of coffee, that it happens.

The kitchen is fuller than usual. You normally try to wait until the lunchtime crowd dwindles and leaves to make your second pot, but you're so desperate for the caffeine that you can't find it in you to care.

You trudge into the kitchen with your handy coffee mug clutched in your tired hands and head towards the cupboards to grind up the beans.

There's a few groups of coworkers lingering in the room, and as your grinder whirs the beans around into a powder, you chance a look around to see who's among the crowd.

Your eyes flick immediately to where a hearty laugh erupts. It makes your heart still in your throat. Namjoon sits with his usual crowd of friends, hand gripping a homemade sandwich while the other assists him in telling his story to his friends. He pays you no mind—why would he?—and you can't help but stare at the way his dark brown hair lays perfectly against his forehead, and his eyes crinkle so cutely at the edges when he smiles.

You nearly forget about the coffee grounds—you're snapped out of your Namjoon-induced trance when suddenly a woman's laugh echoes around the room.

"Look at her," the voice states.

You peer up and see a girl you vaguely recognize. Is she from Marketing? Or perhaps Sales? You’re not sure, but she’s staring at you with a sneer.

“She’s so weirdly obsessed with Namjoon. It’s so creepy.”

Your face turns cherry red and you’re sure your lungs stop functioning. The air your body needs to breathe freezes and your chest aches. 

Namjoon turns to look at the girl before he looks and sees you grasping your coffee grounds tightly.

“Chungha was right—it’s so weird. Namjoon, you should talk to HR about this!”

Namjoon turns back to the gossiping coworker and frowns. “Can you leave it alone? She wasn’t even doing anything.”

The girl huffs and crosses her arms over her chest and looks back at Namjoon.

“How can you stand to be in the same room as her? She clearly thinks she has a chance with you.”

Her words come out like a bite. She punctuates her point with a harsh laugh and the group around her mumbles and chuckles in agreement.

You’re desperately grabbing at anything you can, wanting to leave as quickly as possible before you’re embarrassed further.

“Well, she does!” Namjoon replies loudly, annoyance written in his features. “I was actually going to ask her to dinner this weekend in private, but since everyone is so fucking interested in my love life, I have to do it publicly.”

The room falls silent, and your favorite mug falls out from your hands and shatters on the floor. All sets of eyes stare at you while yours widen with disbelief—you don't even care that you’re standing in a pool of old coffee and shattered ceramic. 

Namjoon stands and heads over to you, bending down to pick up the shards of your coffee mug. You take a few stunted breaths to kneel and help. 

His eyes peer into yours. They’re warm—a chocolate brown color that makes you feel safe.  

“What do you say?” He asks with a smile so gentle it nearly breaks your heart. “Will you let me take you out this weekend?” 

You’re gaping like a fish and the surrounding room is silent��bated breath waiting for your reply. 

“Yes, I would l-love that.” 

His smile turns even brighter, and he stands to throw the broken mug away. 

“I’ll email you the details, okay?”

Your head nods dumbly without thinking. His eyes sparkle as he smiles at you, and he extends his hand down to you to assist you off the floor. As your hand slips into his, you can’t help but feel how soft and strong he feels. You wonder what his hand would feel like caressing your face, smoothing down the expanse of your bare back, running down the length of your body.

The thoughts shake out of you as he winks and kisses your hand gently, causing the gossiping coworker to grunt her disapproval and for murmurs of shock to echo around the room.

“I’ll talk to you later, doll.” Namjoon winks at you before he grabs his sandwich and leaves the room, gesturing to his crew to follow along.

The place on your hand felt warm where his lips once lingered. You no longer cared about the angry glares from the rest of your coworkers. Your heart beats wildly in your chest, and you leave the kitchen nearly floating on cloud nine.

Email from: Kim Namjoon

Sent: 3:06 pm

Subject: Hey good lookin ;)

Hey! 

Just wanted to see how you are! I’m sorry about what happened at lunchtime. That was super petty and uncalled for. I really wanted to ask you out, and I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much by doing it in front of everyone.

I was wondering if you’d like to go out this Friday night after work? Say around 7? If you send me your address, I’ll pick you up.

Let me know!

Xoxo, Joon

You’re sure if you weren’t sitting in your tiny cubicle, you’d be screaming your lungs out.

The second the notification of the email came through, direct from the man of your desires himself, your body froze.

You re-read the message, over and over and over.  

The winky emoji, the xoxo, the nickname ‘joon’. It’s all so much and makes the grin on your face threaten to split your lips in half.

Your fingers press the “FWD” button and you quickly send the message to Jimin, before you stand demurely, attempting to give off an air of professional confidence. You need to talk to Jimin, now.

As soon as you’re out of the eyesight of suspicious coworkers, you bolt down the hallway towards Human Resources. Your high heels click loudly on the tiled floor, but the sound doesn’t even register in your mind. All you can think about is Namjoon, the email, the press of his lips on your hand, the way his smile made you feel as if you could fly.  

The door to HR swings open with your tight grip around the doorknob, and you open your mouth to call to Jimin, the lone employee, when you’re startled by the sight ahead of you.

Jimin sits on the edge of his expansive desk with his arms thrown around Jungkook’s neck and is clearly engaged in a deep, sensual kiss. At the sound of the door opening, they quickly break apart, with matching cherry red blushes on their cheeks and mused hair.

“Oh, shit,” you gasp. 

The men are silent and you can’t help but giggle after a moment passes. “I’ll take it you two made up?”

Jungkook flashes you a dopey grin, one that gives you an answer, while Jimin smirks haughtily.

“Jungkook and I were just discussing, umm… his 401k.”

Jungkook looks at the blonde boy for a moment, confused, before he gets it. “Yeah! Totally. Retirement. Love to t-talk about it?”

You laugh out loud and walk towards the couple.

“I’m sure it was a titillating discussion,” you tease. “I have good news though, if it’s okay to interrupt this retirement planning session.”

Jimin nods and Jungkook rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I guess I should leave?”

“It’s okay,” you smile. “I trust you.”

Jungkook smiles as if he’s just won the lottery. He looks between you and Jimin, face pure and excited like a puppy.

“What’s up?” Jimin asks as he moves to sit down at his desk.

“I forwarded you an email. Read it.”

Jimin nods and logs on to his posh computer, scrolling and clicking before narrowing his eyes and reading.

“Oh, my god.” Jimin’s face is shocked—it's written all over his features. “Namjoon asked you out?!”

Jungkook’s child-like grin turns into one of shock himself. He runs around to stand behind Jimin, eyes seeking over the words of the email.

“Well, hot damn,” Jungkook whistles. “He asked her out.”

Jimin exchanges a look with Jungkook, one that you’re not sure you can read. It quickly slips your mind, however, as you’re more focused on the task at hand.

“Can you come over tonight after work and help me pick out something to wear?” You ask excitedly.

Jimin smiles at you, a touch of sadness in his eyes, before he nods.

“Of course, babe,” he assures. “We’ll make sure you look nice and hot for the date with Mr. Kim.”

“Thank you!” You squeal as you wrap your arms around your best friend. He hugs you back before you scurry out of the office and back to your cubicle, itching to reply to the message.

Jimin sighs as the door to his office closes behind you.

“Kook, please don’t tell me he’s going to break her heart. He’s asking her out to make himself feel better about this, isn’t he?” 

Jungkook slips his hand into Jimin’s and squeezes. 

“I’ll find out, baby.”

Jimin smiles and nods appreciatively at the boy, before leaning up and kissing him.

Jungkook smiles against his lips, and is determined to ensure the young HR specialist never hates him again, even if he has to go behind his hyung’s back to ensure his new boyfriend’s happiness.

Jungkook has one mission now, and that’s ensuring Namjoon takes you on the greatest date known to man.

He grills Jimin with questions about what you like over dinner one night. Jimin finds it endearing that Jungkook is so eager to rectify his mistakes, but he still can’t help but worry that Namjoon is doing this to save face—not because he actually likes you.

“So, what does she like doing?” Jungkook asks as he spins his pasta around his chopsticks idly.

Jimin smiles as he takes a bite of the ramen Jungkook has thoughtfully prepared for their stay-at-home date.  

“I’ve told you already! She’s easy to figure out.” Jimin pats Jungkook’s hand gently. “She loves cooking and baking, working out, daydreaming about Namjoon.” 

“Cooking, hm,” Jungkook looks thoughtful as he takes a bite. “I think Namjoon can work with that. I’ll let him know!”

Jimin tries to hide the anxiety brewing in his stomach. He’s had to plaster on a fake smile for you while you tried on different outfits, wondering which will be the one to finally convince Namjoon he is the one for you. It’s hard to fake it around his boyfriend, too—but something tugs in his stomach that flares the cynical side of him.

Namjoon went from not knowing of your existence, to watching you get publicly embarrassed in a matter of minutes. While Namjoon isn’t a terrible guy, Jimin knows he doesn’t like anything to tarnish the gentleman reputation he’s built in the office. And as much as Jimin likes him, and surely likes his friend Jungkook, he can’t help but feel skeptical.

Jungkook hurriedly pulls out his phone and types away, letting his elder friend know of what he’s found out. Jimin swallows his food, and his pride, and hopes to god his growing cynicism is wrong.

Friday comes slower than you’d like. You wake up every day during the week, one day closer, and your eagerness hits peak levels. Namjoon sees you in the hallways during the week and winks at you, hands shoved in his tight slacks that make you salivate.  

He emails you again Thursday afternoon, confirming things and getting your address. You reply in nanoseconds, uncaring how overeager you come off. 

By the time your alarm clock rings on Friday morning, you’ve already been awake for 4 hours.

All you can do is daydream about the date, the way his hand fits into yours, the warmth of his eyes when he smiles at you.

It’s what fuels you through work.

You hope to god the numbers you’re attempting to work during the day come out right, because your mind is elsewhere for more than most of the day. There isn’t enough coffee in the world, but also your body feels as if you’ve overdosed on caffeine already.

The clock eeks towards 5:00 pm and you’re bolting out the door at 4:56 to head home and get ready for your date.

Jimin attempts to meet you before you leave, but your desk is cold and empty by the time he gets there.  

He sighs and heads back towards his office to gather his things, waving bye to various coworkers as they file out of the corporate building.

He turns the corner towards his office but stops in his tracks as he sees Namjoon’s back to him, phone pressed to his ear.

“Baby, I’ll come over later tonight, okay?” Namjoon speaks into the phone.

Jimin feels his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. He retreats and hides behind a wall, ear carefully peeled to listen to the tall man’s conversation.

“I’m going on this date with that chick from work,” he sighs. “It won’t last more than a few hours. Poor girl has a crush on me and you know the usual assholes won’t leave her alone.”

Jimin bites his lip and clenches his fist. Namjoon thinks he means well, but he knows his suspicions have been confirmed, and he’s torn inside. He wants to tell you, to warn you not to get too invested in the man, but he also has no interest in popping the bubble you’ve been in since the day he asked you out.

Jimin lets it simmer for now. He decides he’ll monitor Namjoon and cut things off if it appears the man strings you along for fun.

Namjoon finishes his phone call with a promise to see whoever is on the other end of the phone later that night, and Jimin quickly pulls out his phone and fakes a conversation with no one when he hears the man approach.

“Oh, Kookie,” Jimin giggles, leaning against the wall casually. “I can’t wait to see you tonight, either, babe.”

Namjoon walks towards Jimin and makes eye contact with the HR specialist.

“Bye, Kook! See you tonight, baby.” Jimin finishes up the fake phone call as Namjoon arrives next to him, and he plasters on his best fake smile.

“Congrats on you and Jungkook,” he speaks sincerely.

Jimin hates how nice he is, hates that he’s a nice guy who gets too wrapped up in his own good looks and reputation.

“Thanks, Namjoon,” Jimin smiles uneasily. “You too! Have fun on your date tonight.”

Namjoon’s face lights up and Jimin desperately wishes he could go back in time to 30 seconds ago, before he heard the conversation, and believe that Namjoon truly wanted to date you.

“Thanks, should be fun, huh?” He winks and nudges Jimin, before he waves a goodbye and continues out the door.

Jimin pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials the number of his boyfriend.

“Hey, baby. We’ve got a problem.”

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