#and now? yeah very little chance I'll give it another shot

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Pretty like the wind

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a/n the thirteenth part! I'm so so so sorry for the wait but girl drained her writing abilities too much and I just couldn't write and then couldn't give you all a shit chapter. I hope you will still enjoy this! ✨🤍 also, your girl is running on 3h of sleep so if there are mistakes, forgive me... I'll fix them when my brain is once again plugged to the internet.🙃

warning: kids, past trauma, substance use... low key seems too little of a list but nothing else comes to mind

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Axel's been desperate for a couple of days now. He had managed to lift off the ground and do a couple of flaps with his wings at the start of the week. The excitement on his face when Azriel carried him back home was unmatched. Unlike anything you had seen before. He was glowing. Radiant. So deeply loved, and it showed. The boy had rambled about it throughout the whole dinner. But Azriel hadn't denied his excitement even once, a proud smile on his face as he let the boy babble on and on.

It felt easy. It was so easy to be there. In Azriel's apartment. To wake up next to him. To watch him come home after a long day. Fetch the kids for classes. Not to mention that his place was ever-shifting. After the first night on his mattress, which was rung by the furthest of walls, Azriel had shown up with Cassian the very next day. Boxes in hand, they got to work putting together the biggest bed frame you had ever seen. He covered the knives stand with some sort of spell. They were there still, a big part of him, but the kids could not reach them. His way of baby-proofing the space. Slowly morphing it into something that suited everyone's needs.

"Lift up and do ten flaps", Azriel's voice floated through the field. The day was beautiful. The sun was out. Warm rays of sunshine kissed the skin. You and Zofie were sitting on a big knitted blanket. The little girl beside you was threading flower crowns. Her tiny tongue was slightly out as she concentrated on her very serious task.

"I can do more", Axel urged. He was standing next to Azriel. His tiny Illyrian leathers clad his skin. His safety armor. A tiny little piece of comfort that the spymaster had gifted to him. Azriel shook his head as he smiled, "Start with ten, then we will see". You could tell that Azriel had also found comfort in teaching Axel. A second chance at a glimpse of a happy childhood. With him and only him in the center of someone's happiness.

For a moment, there was only a warm breeze humming through the field. You watched how Axel got into a position. His determined face faltered, and his eyes darted back up at Azriel. "You will catch me, right?", here it was, that same bitter fear of failing. Of not trusting himself. But Azriel didn't let it settle in as he kneeled next to the boy, "You won't need my help, but if you do, I will be right by your side". Axel's big, golden eyes blinked at Azriel.

"And if I don't make it...", the boy doesn't finish the sentence, but the premise of it is clear. Will you be disappointed? Laugh? Give up on me? Azriel cupped the Axel's cheeks between his scared palms. "Look at me", the spymaster muttered, "You will do it. I know you will. You have to believe in yourself". They looked at each other for a moment before Axel quickly nodded his head, "Okay. I've got this", the boy muttered, Azriel quickly ruffled his hair, "Hell yeah, you do!".

Axel found your eyes across the field. You smiled at him, nodding your head. He could do it, and you did not doubt it. The boy nodded his head one more. A deep breath in. And within seconds, his tiny frame shot up. Axel faltered ever so slightly. Gravity pulling him down. But with one determined flap after another, he managed to stay up above. "Look at me", he beamed from the sky, the wind dancing in his onyx hair. "Y/n! Zo!", he shouted. The girl beside you let out a gasp. Scrambling to her feet as she ran through the flower field to get closer to her brother, "Axel!", she squealed happily. "Good job, honey!", you called right after her, your hand on your chest as you tried to suppress your emotions. One beat after another. Just his energy strained as fast as it was mustard. And the boy slowly sank back down. But the smile on his face didn't seem to shrink.

"Did you see it?", Axel looked across all three of you, breathing heavily. "We did, my love", you beamed at him, leaning closer to kiss his sweaty forehead. "I flew like all of the Illyrians", the boy taped at his leathers proudly, his eyes darting up at Azriel, whose smile was just as big. "I'm so proud of you", Azriel said. "Thank you, pa-Azzy", Axel stuttered, his big eyes suddenly laced with worry, but Azriel only scooped him up in his arms, seating Axel on his shoulder, "You got it, bud".

The kids were far from, content afterward. Too much excitement rushing through their tiny bodies, and now that they were painfully aware that they had Azriel wrapped around their fingers, within a couple of hours you were back in the city, for none other than street pancakes. "You didn't have to say yes", you muttered to Azriel as you two trailed behind the two overly excited younglings. "Why, not?", he said straight away as if tending to their needs had already become second nature for him. "Well, I'm sure you have meetings or people to scare", you shrugged, making Azriel chuckle slightly. The expression easy to miss because his colder mask was back on. What you didn't miss was how some people looked at him. At you all. The emotions were hard to pinpoint, but it was clear evidence that one didn't find the spymaster of the night court casually walking through Velaris streets.

"Look, it's the fountain", the two little monsters came tumbling back, pulling at the skirts of your dress, tiny fingers pointing toward the water fairies. "Now, what did I say about pointing fingers, huh?", you huffed, and the two of them dropped their hands. Quick apologies swirled around, but the pulling didn't ease. Azriel took a heartbeat to look at you three. The way a laugh slipped past your lips as one of the fairy bopped Axel's face making the boy jump back slightly. All courtwork aside, the past couple of weeks have left Azriel feeling weightless. No burdens. No worries. And if something managed to cling to him after a long day, it would all melt away the moment he stepped through his apartment door, hearing your voices and laughter. It felt so good to finally have something that belonged just to him. And it wasn't that territorial fea-male thing. Well, yes, it was, but there was so much more. Azriel finally felt like he had a purpose. His bland days were finally filled with more color. He loved being able to take Zofie to her dance classes. Fetch Axel for training with Cassian. To come home and find you smiling at him. To kiss you softly.

"Can I get two?", Zofie's voice filled Azriel's senses, and his head instantly turned towards the pancake stand. An old lady was already smiling as she looked down at the kids trying to pick their orders. "You won't be able to finish them both, bug," you said as you brushed your fingers through Zofie's hair. "But I can't pick between jam and chocolate", she pouted. Azriel stepped closer, earning a slight bow from the owner, that he quickly returned with a nod.

"Azzy, you pick", Zofie quickly moved towards the spymaster, cleverly making grabby hands at him so that once the order was made, she would be able to see how they were made because, not like Axel, she couldn't see over the stand. "I would like apple crumble, please", Axel said, fingers twirling with the material of your skirt. "And jam and chocolate", Azriel followed suit. You shot him a look, but he was already too occupied by how Zofie was beaming in his arms.

"Add it to my account too", Azriel said firmly, and you shook your head. "Nonsense, let me pay for it", you reached for the satchel fastened to your corset. But Azriel softly took hold of your hand, lacing his fingers through yours. "Don't fight me on this, love", he simply muttered. And stop frowning; it doesn't suit you. Azriel's smug voice filled your mind, making you let out a huff. You're too full of yourself; let me pay for something. You muttered back, but Azriel only smirked. You are paying; it's our shared account. A breath hitched in your throat. A shared account? But only members of the inner circle shared accounts with their partners. And you... you blinked a couple of times. Had Azriel set his claim over you to Rhys? You're not an object. Azriel's velvety voice rang out once more.

You were about to answer him a gasp left Axel's lips, soon followed by Zofie. "Grammy", the two of them said in unison. Cordelia had just set her bags down as the two swarmed her. Jumping. Giggling. "My gorgeous bunch", the woman said, cradling them both in her arms, "I swear you two have grown an inch since I last saw you". They both beamed at her, pancakes long forgotten. Azriel's shadows made quick work of his mother's bags. Tiny little clouds got to work immediately as they moved to carry them back to her house.

"Azriel, Y/N", Cordelia said, turning to you both as you finally approached her hands full of food. "What are we celebrating?", the elderly woman asked. "Grammy, I flew. Azriel took me to the field. I was up in the sky", Axel said excitedly, and your eyes instantly filled up with tears, making you blink quickly. "Oh, sweet boy", Cordelia cupped Axel's cheek, "That's wonderful. Soon, you'll outmatch my Azriel. But don't tell him I told you so". The boy giggled sheepishly, catching a glimpse of Azriel, but his calm expectation didn't change.

"Why don't you two leave them with me", Cordelia said after a moment, "I'm heading home anyway". The kids instantly stepped towards her as if they didn't care for what any of you had to say. "No, ma'am, that...", "Cordelia, darling", Azriel's mom corrected you instantly. "You must be tired, and...", you tried again, only to be met with another smile, "Nonsense, these two are angels. Plus", she muttered, "When was the last time you two spent time alone?". Never. The answer was never. And the fact that the answers sank on you so quickly said it all. You and Azriel had never truly been alone. Had never been on a date.

"Exactly", Cordelia stated proudly. "I'm looking after my grandchildren, and if I see any of you at my doorstep before tomorrow evening", she narrowed her eyes, "Let's say you don't want to know what will happen". Azriel let out a laugh, shaking his head at his mother. "Thank you", he muttered. Cordelia simply leaned in to kiss her son's cheek before she squeezed your shoulder. "Have fun", she winked, turning towards the kids, already pointing them towards another stand.

"Do you want some more?", Azriel lifted the halfway-empty bottle, but you shook your head, "I still have some, thank you". Oddly enough, it felt strange to spend time with Azriel like this. No rush. No need to go places. No kids to look after. No serious worries. Just you two. A quiet apartment and a long night that was still ahead of you two. You shifted, brushing your hand through your hair.

"This feels strange in a way", Azriel breathed out, running his hand over his face, "I mean, I don't want you to feel like...", he was quick to point out, but you rested your hand on his thigh, "We're not used to being together like this". The shadowsinger nodded his head before he leaned back into the sofa, putting his glass on the tiny table that was set on the side. His arms reached forward, pulling at your hand. A chuckle slipped past your lips as Azriel tugged you closer to his chest. "What are you doing?", you breathed, still smiling. "Something I should have done at the start of the evening", Azriel mused, letting out a satisfied hum now that you were pressed against his chest.

Silence filled the room. You let yourself listen to the way Azriel's heart was drumming right beneath your ear. Warmth spread through your body. This, without a doubt, was how peace felt. "Should we play a game?", Azriel spoke up, finally making you lift your head from his chest. "A game?", you frowned slightly, pulling away. "Yeah, like, get to know each other game", Azriel breathed out, a slight pink tint brushing his cheeks. You let out a chuckle. "Okay, I am...", you breathed out, "Are Rhys and Cass your biological brothers?", "Straight at it...", Azriel let out a surprised breath, and worry instantly washed over you. "Was I not supposed to?", your big eyes looked at him. "No, no, it's okay; I like that you're taking the lead", Azriel reassured you wiggling his brows making you rill your eyes in return. You two moved to sit opposite each other. Your legs were tucked beneath you, but Azriel's hand still stayed on your thigh.

"And to answer your question, they are not", he said smoothly. "We meet in the camp. Rhys's mother pulled us under her wing; the rest is history but they feel like blood brothers". You found yourself nodding; you knew that they were in training together. Most people called them the inseparable three for a reason. The loved they shared always made you smile. It was rare. Especially between territorial Illyrian males. "Your mother was from Helion's court," Azriel stated, claiming his turn, "You've ever thought about going there?". You took a moment to let his words sink in. Rhys had brought that up a couple of times, but the idea of going to a place you knew nothing about to meet people you knew nothing about. "No...", you breathed out. "I mean, it'll sound bad, but Helion keeps his angels under tight wraps." Pulling the strand of your hair, you quickly twirled it around your fingers, "If he had use for me, he would have claimed me by now". A rumble left Azriel's chest, "No one can claim you; you make your own choices". His voice was thick with frustration. The thought, clearly, unsettled him. You reached for his hand once more, "Azriel, I know, hence why I said it would sound bad". But the frown between his brows didn't ease until your fingers carefully brushed over his skin.

You weighed your next question for a heartbeat before muttering, "Your hands, can you tell me the real story?", you watched as Azriel's face shifted with emotion. The man was almost a myth. The amount of stories told about him could easily be turned into a book but... most of them seemed so far fetched. For a heartbeat, you even regretted your question, but then Azriel let out a sigh. "You know about the basement...", the spymaster clenched his palms together. "This was one of their games", you shifted slightly, reaching for his hands as you clasped them in yours. Azriel's eyes lingered on your joined palms. "One night they wanted to test how quickly I would heal. So they dunked my hands in oil and set them on fire", his words sounded cold and distant. But then how else would you talk about the trauma that shifted your life. You bit the inside of your cheek as you leaned closer to him. But before you could fully rest against him, you pulled his hands up to your mouth, placing kiss after kiss on the scared surface. He didn't stop you. Didn't pull away. Soaking in the warmth of you. The tender touch.

But your movements stalled at his next words, "Your back", Azriel muttered. You let go of him instantly, drawing back, "What of it?", you asked, even if you knew more than well what he was asking for. In a way, your scars linked you both together. But you've worked your hardest to keep that side of you hidden from everyone. Even yourself. You let your head drop slightly, and Azriel's fingers instantly hooked beneath your chin. If there was something this man was against, it was you feeling small when you were with him.

"You don't have to", he breathed out, his gorgeous hazel eyes piercing through you. Eyes that had captured your soul the very same night you two had come for one another's throats in his room. You chose to swallow your words, turning away from him. Suddenly, your dress felt way too tight on your body. Azriel took that as a sign to drop the topic, ready to apologize when you muttered, "Undo the ribbon". Azriel swallowed thickly. Hesitation stilled his movements. But his trembling fingers still reached for the light blue material. Goosebumps trickled down your spine instantly.

Azriel could see the way your shoulders tensed the looser the fabric got around your chest. Leaning in, he placed a couple of loving kisses on your shoulder blades. He hesitated before letting the fabric fall off your skin, your hand instantly moving to cover your breasts in front. But Azriel was too far captured by the brutal slashes that even now shined red and black against your skin. The angel wings you had didn't start at the same spot where Illyrian wings rooted, which explained why the spymaster didn't catch a glimpse of them while you were in nothing but your silk nightgown.

"I hoped I could heal myself...", you muttered quietly, biting your lip. Azriel's eye snapped back up, and he instantly brought your trembling frame into his chest. Mother, strike him for letting himself gawk like that. He knew what being stared at like that felt like. The scrutiny. The pity. Blimey, his own family still shot him glances like that, and here he was. His strong arms cocooned your frame before he realized the lack of clothes covering your chest. Azriel's cheeks pinked, even if he couldn't see anything that he hadn't already seen. He moved to lift the fabric, but you stopped him, motioning for him to let you go. He got his clue here—you didn't want him watching, so his head wiped to a completely different side.

"I've never been with a male", you muttered after a heartbeat. Azriel's body froze once more. Something deep and territorial, way stronger than before, scratched at his chest. "Was I your first...", his words were barely a whisper, as you chased them away. "Everything so far...", you breathed out. Was admitting this to him awkward? Yes. But he was your mate. Surely, he would realize that eventually. Azriel turned back to face you. Realizing that he probably should have asked if he could turn around in the first place. But he found your shy eyes looking up at him. He reached for you once more. Pulling you over his lap, his hand resting on your hip.

"Thank you for sharing that", he breathed against your neck, brushing tiny feather-like kisses all over your collarbones. The tickling sensation made you giggle slightly before a frown washed over you once more. "I understand if it's not attractive", you breathed out, and Azriel halted in his movements, pulling back to meet your eyes. "Love, I'm more than okay with waiting till you're ready", he reassured you as he brushed his thumb over your cheek. "But that's... you have needs", you whispered, catching his wrist. Azriel let out a breathy chuckle, scanning your face before he leaned in to peck your lips. "I am no longer a teenager who gets a hard-on from any moving thing in front of him, but thank you for your concern, love", he said, utterly satisfied with his answer. "Ew, Azriel", you cackled, hitting his chest playfully. The spymaster's laugh matched yours in no time as he pulled you down on the plush sofa, nestling you deeper into his embrace.

You had hoped to wake up in Azriel's arms the next morning. The intimacy of last night's confessions still lingered. But once the slumber left your body, you quickly realized that the bed felt way too cold. A pang ached in your chest, but you knew that he was a busy man. A note you found in the kitchen proved just that. An urgent meeting. I hate that I had to leave you like that. I will see you in the evening, Az. You brushed your fingers over the paper, turning your attention to the bond, smothering it with soft touches, only to be met with a cold wall. You frowned slightly. But then, he always shut it off when he was out on duty. You knew that if something was seriously bad, he would answer. But nothing was seriously bad and you weren't about to become a needy partner. Brushing the nagging thoughts away, you smiled to yourself. No, nothing was going to ruin the plan you had for tonight.

And it started out so perfectly. From the way you had allowed yourself to explore the city. Wondering from one shop to another. Everyone greeted you with a smile. The streets were humming even in the early morning. All the smells and sounds fill your senses. You tested cheese from a local farmer's stand, listening to the stories about the sheep that he owned. You had forgotten what it felt like to live like this. Now fully understanding why Zofie and Axel loved it here so much. The white, quiet walls of the sanctuary felt more like a prison than a happy home when you compared it to the city.

Your arm was aching from the bag you were carrying, but it didn't seem to bother you today. Your eyes caught the stand full of freshly cut flowers. Like a little bee on a hunt for nectar, you turned its way. The lady greeted you with a wave. She, like the man before, shared her passion for the blooms before wrapping a big bouquet of peonies in paper. The smell of them made your lips taste sweet. But the moment her hands brushed yours, you felt a tight grip on your arms. Dark eyes looked at you. Sharp venomous teeth gleamed, "Silly child, he is not your happy ever after. You're burning in flames of pain for your mistakes", the thick words sounded, making you draw away, nearly dropping all of your stuff. You bumped into someone, pulling your eyes away from the lady, and when you finally blinked, a man was holding onto your shoulders. Steadying you. "Are you alright, dear?", the female called out to you, making you take a double look at both of them. "Yeah", you muttered, feeling your cheeks heating up. "I'm so sorry, I just got dizzy from all the smells", you breathed out, quickly taking hold of your things and hurrying away.

You hoped the feeling of unease would lessen eventually. That the image of that monstrous face would fade. But it stuck around. Sending shivers down your back all day long. The same way it did up at the house of wind. You had felt slightly better at Cordelia's house, where you stopped to get the kids, but the moment you crossed Azriel's apartment's entrance, it clasped right over your throat once more. "Do I put this in?", Axel called out, making you draw your attention back to the two kids. A pot of stew was bubbling on the stove. You pressed a palm against your temple, an odd throb aching there.

"Yes, sweetie, give it a mix too", the two of them had been desperate to make Azriel's mother's stew. Cordelia had cooked with them a couple of times, and now they had taken it upon themselves to show what they had learned. "I need help", Zofie muttered, pulling at your sleeve. She had been tasked with pulling some of the herbs from the stems and dicing them. Yet your body didn't seem to comprehend the request. Axel turned to her instead. "Show me", he said, but you could feel his eyes on you. Both of their eyes are on you.

"Y/N", Axel called out softly, "Is everything okay?" The real answer to that would be that you didn't know. It was the tightness and numbness in your chest that unsettled you the most. You've never felt like before. As if something was missing all of a sudden. You tried to claw out of the hazy daze, "Yeah, I'm...", but your voice died down to the sound of the knock on the door. Axel jumped off his step stool, but you caught him by his shoulder. "Stay here with Zo", you muttered. Deep down, you hoped that it was Azriel or someone from the family, but then Azriel wouldn't knock. He never did.

You cracked the door open as if you already didn't feel confused enough. There she stood. The prettiest pink dress framed her figure. Loose curls fell over her shoulders. Elain. You braced yourself against the doorframe. Mother, don't let this be what you thought it was. "Oh", the female gasped lightly. "I...", she stuttered, suddenly growing fidgety. "How can I help you?", you breathed out, trying to keep your racing mind at bay. "Azriel said we would meet here; that usually means alone", her tone was sweet, but every word sent daggers flying straight into your heart. Silly child, he is not your happy ever after. The voice echoed in your mind. You blinked rapidly, frown marking your features. For a moment, it seemed as if something flashed through Elain's eyes before she mustered a forced smile back on her lips.

"I apologize for interrupting", Elain turned to walk away but halted quickly as if changing her mind. "Actually", she muttered, "I forgot about a little gift", her voice trembled as she pulled her hand out of the dress pocket, opening her palm to reveal a crystal-clear powder. She blew on it gently, flecks flowing towards you. The same invisible hand clawed at your throat. You tried to gasp for air, but it felt useless. You staggered back, the sound of someone grinding their teeth drilled through your head. A scream echoed through the space as your body hit the floor. Muffled noises rang endlessly. Noises. Screams. Zofie and Axel. The last bits of your rational mind called out. You dug your nails into the floor, turning your body towards the kitchen. Black figures swarmed all around, both of the kids trashing in their grip. You reached your hand towards them, but before you could cry out to them, everything went black.

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Taglist: @naturakaashi @hoemadegrace @just-m-2 @thereadinggremlin @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @hijabi-desi-bookwarm

[tkachuktkaching]

Matthew was on the Up & Adams Show this morning with Kay Adams

She didn't know anything much about hockey and the questions reflected that... but it was fun & good to see & hear from Matthew and there is some fun things in there.

He was asked the most botched version of his name he's heard?

Matthew said people just quit and called (Tkachuk) Ketchup before! People give up trying and make fun but that's the worst I've heard.

When asked about his personality being one of his best attributes?

I've always tried to be myself, I think my personality tends to mix in with my style of play, I likes to play a very upbeat, intense, emotional, physical but with grace and try to make good plays.

He was asked about the rat king thing?

Matthew laughed and said it was not him that came up with that at all, but he thinks it's kinda funny. He added, We have a bigger rat on the team in Marchand now so he can take over that title!

She asked him Can you have two rats on the squad?

What made this team successful last year we had about 15 rats on the team so I think it's good and OK to have more than one!

She asked who texted who first him or Marchand? With the whole rivalry between them with USA/Canada?

I texted him first when he first got traded, to let him know we're super excited to have him and let's go finish the job this year. With something like that (4 Nations) competitiveness is in everybody but when you are on the same team it's an instant connection and you have to if you wanna win.

She says 203 game from 2022 to 2024 is crazy, insane or diabolical but to describe how much he wants to get back out there?

He says : It's been crushing me the last little bit, I've been wanting to get out there so bad, the first couple of games after the four nations you wanna be out there but it's good to try and get some rest and try to recover and everything but for the last month I've been itching so bad so he can't wait to get back out there for whenever that day is... hopefully very very soon. So I'm excited to get back.

Matthew when are we going to see you out there? She asks...

I'll get in trouble if I say but I will say it's been a very good last few days on the ice, I've only been on the ice a few days for a couple of legit skates so just trying to peak sometime around game one! I'm looking forward to it.

She says he's one of a few guys to have 40+ goals & 60+ assists since 2021, she says he's trying to take the positivity from the buzz kill that is his 4 Nations injury but what has he learned from his time away?

It's really hard to find good in anything like this because personally I felt I was playing the best hockey of my career even before the tournament and at the start of the tournament I was just feeling good, I doesn't know the good but it gave me the time to reset what I injured and the rest of his body for hopefully another long play off run so that's the way you gotta look at it.

She says he'll be refreshed it'll be like being shot out of a cannon, he hasn't played since February.

Yeah mentally I am, it will not take me very long and it will not be very tough for me to get right back. (She says she has high expectations of him) He's excited he adds.

You played with and against your brother Brady there's a chance for something special both of their teams qualify going to the post season for the first time. You could be facing him, what will that look like, how will that go?

I think it's guaranteed now we're not playing each other first round, but if we both win we meet in the second round, so we've got to take care of our own business and make that happen, I think it'll be really cool not only for myself and Brady but for the whole family, to see their boys, their brother, to go out there and compete for their dream. I will say it was more fun playing with him than against him, so not looking forward to going up against him and playing, he's a beast he'll be the toughest guy to play against in the league in the play off. It will not be fun.

The interviewer says she's surprised in his answer it's a departure from what she thought he was going to say she thought he would take the opportunity to eviscerate him, she adds she saw a documentary where you guys were playing putt-putt and he wasn't letting him win at all, she's surprised at this line of answer...

I've seen what he's been able to do, playing with him in the big stage games going back to the four nations, and it's a different beast so I'm definitely not going to poke the bear before any chance we play him.

Have you ever given him a haircut?

I haven't but when we were younger I said that it's probably going to be cool for both of us to shave our heads, in the summer it was getting hot if there's any time to do it it's now, so he goes "Ok I'm in" so he goes first does it & I was kinda was soft and backed out and he was sooo mad! We actually talked about this the other day and still is!

You have partnered with the official team salon of the nhl so tell me what he teamed up with them to do?

It's not my first time teaming up at this time of year but they're bringing a whole new meaning to play off hockey and checking and fans can enter the Great Clips App and enter through to May 19th and you can win tickets to the Stanley Cup final and if you don't you an still win gift cards & stuff from the nhl shop. It's such a great partnership, I've loved working with them for multiple years now.

I'm looking forward to getting my hair cut before Play offs, I always like to rock a little bit of a different hair style and they give great cuts.

What would Jayson Tatum look like playing hockey?

I think that with his size and length a defence man would probably be perfect for him, I just worry about him skating because I don't think he's skated much in his life, I think it would be tough for him to get up to speed but once he figures his size and reach and power it would be tough those are the hardest defence man to play against.

Who would survive each others sport longer?

Oh, gosh that's so tough I used to play basketball, I don't think he's ever played hockey but I'm not tiny....

She says you've never got him to play hockey?

We've played hockey in gym class and street hockey but never got out there and skated. I couldn't survive 3 seconds in NBA but I could survive 1. I think he would have a tough time.

NFL player comparison to himself in terms of toughness

I love watching Baker play he's nails he's so tough and very talented so that's a great comparison but I will say when he was going through my draft 9 years ago his player comp was Gronk that was one I liked.

[schrodinger-swriter]

Heyoo!! I was wondering if I could request A, D, F, K, L, P, Q, T and X for Angel Dust x reader for the Hazbin fluff alphabet? Thank you!!!💕

A, D, F, K, L, P, Q, T, and X for Angel Dust

I hope this one is okay, I feel Angel may be another character I'll have difficulty catching right, but nonetheless I hope you enjoy, Anon!

Apologies for such a short note, I'm getting another headache coming on.. I think I will write out this post and rest.

For the Tunes segment I would like to apologize for having a trash taste in music, I naturally gravitate to songs I already know with these kinds of questions..

ATTRACTION:

This one is very tricky, given that Angel throws himself at any guy he sees. Though, that's because he feels it's what is expected of him, is it not? At least gathering from his wiki as well as his actions within the series... Pinpointing his type is a little difficult and what he knows he's attracted to. But what about subconscious attraction? He needs someone who's willing to deal with his sarcasm and meanness, but won't totally blow him off. But he also needs someone he can just unwind with, you know? Very hard to say, and comparing how he acts with the rest of the cast is offering little idea.. Definitely going to need to be patient with this one, too, but that's not exactly an attraction thing.. hmm..

DATES:

A club may be his first go to, especially if this before he starts taking the redemption thing seriously. Though, that's not exactly the best date idea now is it? You go there to get drunk or take enough substances to not think straight for the next week; or to fuck. Sure, you can bond with someone over a shot, but is it really.. genuine? Add in he might be stressing over you like he did with Niffty if this is within the second half of the show's current timeline, and you get drunk before he can.. No, my mind keeps wandering to the two of you simply having an at home date. Together, at your place or yours. If it takes place at the hotel he takes you to his room. Less of a date as it is a hangout session, and he might try to initiate sex.. More experienced with intercourse than the romance side of things, so that's going to take time too.

FAMILY:

Sinners can't have biological children of his own, but Angel Dust is fine by that. Perhaps he feels responsible for a moment and admits (likely internally) that he can hardly keep an eye on himself, how can he keep an eye on a child? There's also some level of fear that the kid would follow in his foot steps and end up in a nasty situation, Angel knows he's not exactly the best.. role model. He's more likely to ascend than be a father.

KISSES:

Oh he loves physical affection. Sure, a lot of it is going to be sexually charged. Diving into the romance vs sex side of things, it may take him a while to fully get a grasp on the difference between lustful feelings and romantic ones and how to act them out. Not all kisses and cuddle sessions need to end in intercourse. He loves giving you quick kisses, long kisses, kisses with tongue, kisses without tongue. He's not picky at all. His favorite place to kiss you is really anywhere on your face... but if you give him the chance he'll say his favorite place is more... down south

As for receiving, I think he stands at around the same.. point.. Yeah, point! Not picky when it comes to him getting affection!

PETNAMES:

He calls you everything under the sun. From schnookums to Honey, you've heard it all. He defaults to Baby and Babe, though. Tends to replace your name with something endearing unless there's something serious going on or he's trying to get your attention. Similar to the above segment he's not picky about what you call him, but he does seem to get this look in his eye if you call him something rather sweet and innocent.

QUESTION:

Oooo this ones tough....

He asks what your favorite position is/j

No, but real talk, I think if you two were alone and you're in his room... perhaps in one of your hangouts... he might let his walls slip a bit, ask you some real.. personal stuff, perhaps seeking some sort of validation or even reassurance. This is more likely after a rough day and after a drink or two.

TUNES:

Perhaps I'm biased because I've been getting back into Maneskin but I can imagine you two absolutely BELTING it to this song! Not exactly a "couple song" per say, but definitely a song that you two vibe with together!

As well as this song, for the same reasons above

Though I'm also picturing the Reader and Angel drunkingly singing Tally Hall's version of Just A Friend (while the pair are giggling and getting way into it, you know just having a good time!)

XRAY:

It depends on how long you two have known each other. Are you guys a quick fling that fell together fast, or were you both a slow burn? If your relationship formed quickly, he may be a little stumped on reading you.. which can sometimes lead to him being a little insensitive to your feelings and vibe. Or awkwardly standing there unsure of how to approach you, likely slinking away to let you handle it on your own. But in something that had left more time for the two of you to get to know one another, he's going to let you vent and complain to him. He can tell somethings off with just the tone of your voice or if your wording is a little off. You two aren't totally in sync, but he's not as clueless as the former.

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello!!!! =D

So. We Are ep 13. I don't how they do this, but they keep making every episode better than the last. At this rate, I'll not be able to survive episode 16.

Warning: long post 😊😅 (there will be a smol part 2 because 30 screenshots are definitely not enough.)

We have the Best Parents in BL, but now I present to you: The Best Aunt in BL.

Subtle, Aunt Pui, real subtle. 😭

I get her. She just wants a nice, handsome boyfriend for her nephew. 😌

First of all, the symbolism is hitting me right in the face, but it's also so subtle because no one else knows the whole story, so they wouldn't be able to figure it out.

Secondly. Yes, the red and blue do clash a bit, and it's not the prettiest little painting. But. Not every painting has to be "pretty" or perfect. Just like feelings or emotions in real life. Peem didn't willingly draw over his precious painting because he thought it'd look better; he did it because he wanted it to express his feelings. This also ties into Peem's insecurity at having (apparently) failed at being Phum's comfort zone because see, in the painting it looks like the sea is embracing the roses, or protecting them.

What I'm trying to say, is that what makes art beautiful is not just what you directly see on the canvas/right in front of you. And this applies even to the "pretty" ones. The David is not just famous because it looks very good, but also because of the amount of skill and talent Michelangelo had to be able to create such a thing from a block of marble. (I'm sorry I'm not good at examples or analogies 😭)

Sir. What business do you have, making an expression like that and giving me a heart attack.

If I haven't said this before: find a man who looks at you like Phum (Pond) looks at Peem (Phuwin).

Two sides of the same coin.

Phum still feels guilty (which is very clear from his reaction to what Peem says) about ruining Peem's painting, so he wants to do something to make sure nothing like that ever happens to Peem again.

Peem is long over it (you don't ever forget shit like that, but he has definitely forgiven Phum). He met Phum because of that Incident™, and he has a new, upgraded painting, so this is just a light joke for him. But the moment he sees it's too soon for Phum, he immediately goes to reassure him he's just kidding, and he absolutely does not hold it over Phum.

A simple pinky promise, but how much does it mean to Phum?

He's never had someone to make a pinky promise with; Fang was in a similar situation as him, and Beer knew better to make a promise and have it broken by forces outside his control.

So this, this small, childish gesture means quite a bit to him. (Which is also probably why having broken it hurt him so much.)

And yet Peem, you're smiling so wide while saying that. Almost like *le gasp* you actually like it!

Let's be real here, Peem. You don't mind at all. In fact, you sounded unbearably fond saying this. You were quite literally giggling and kicking your feet. (Which fits my headcanon of him pretty well actually.)

This shot. Just >>>> (actually thinking of making it my header-)

Ma boy never misses a chance 😭👍🏼

And if he doen't get a chance, he makes one and nails that too. <3

SO CUTEE 🥺🫶🏼

Oh the teasing is on.

Pun: I did that 😌

Beer: Idiots in love. Again. *exasperated sigh*

[From this point on, I am extremely sleep deprived, so most comments made will probably (definitely) be forgotten by the time I wake up (I'm going right to sleep after posting this.]

Well, Chain, I'm sorry to be the one telling you this, but Phum moved into Peem's heart like 6 episodes ago.

Well, yeah, but Peem has to act at least a little bit like the tsundere he is, right?

Chain: "Well, can a cupid shoot an arrow at himself?"

Toey: *very telling side-eye*

Q: You really think one flirty line will trigger his half braincell to understand what he didn't in the past however many years? ...go on, I wanna see how this turns out

Pun: *pikachu meme face*

Beer: Oh damn here goes another one, we must be nearing the last episode

Phum: ????

Peem: Don't say anything don't say anything DON'T SAY ANYTHING DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING SAY A SINGLE WORD- (internally: Idiots. They're idiots.)

Ah, I love the sibling energy here. Also, initially I was like nah you're more like Tan. But then I gave it some thought. And had a Realization: he really is the Fang in their relationship, and Q really is the Tan. (I do not have the brainpower to explain rn, but tell me if you want me too, I'll include it in Part 2.)

Phum can't wait. (And neither can Peem, because I didn't see ya denying anything, babe. Instead, you gave him the softest shoulder bump in the history of soft shoulder bumps and that bigass (smitten) smile.

Oh boy this scene.

Right before this, when Peem called Phum immediately after the last brushstroke, I was smiling so hard and giggling like yesss do boyfriend-y things with each other!

Him waiting on the porch: still big smile. Here comes Phum! Ooh are they gonna flirt in the car??

My smile started dimming as the seconds ticked by and no Phum appeared on screen.

Until I finally realized what was happening.

I almost stopped breathing.

And as the scene went on my heart broke a little more with every text and every call, and I was watching that mall scene again. Except it was much much worse this time.

So long story short, I was heartbroken for both of them. Especially when Peem showed up alone with the saddest lost-kitten face ever.

But, at this point I knew Phum must have had something really urgent/unaviodable to miss his meeting with Peem because 1. He really really loves that boy and 2. He was very much looking forward to doing this with Peem.

Unfortunately, I will have to end Part 1 here (please don't kill me), and I'm loathe to end on a sad note, but I promise the next part will be much happier. It will hopefully be posted a little later today.

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here, have a pudding 🍮

My previous We Are posts.

[candycandy00]

Roses in the Sky - An Original Alien x Reader Story Part 3

In a future where humanity huddles in decaying domed cities controlled by alien invaders, you and your best friend Anna work as make-shift nurses in a tiny clinic run by the young doctor Terrian. The city is ruled by the aliens' violent, half-breed offspring who serve as brutal overseers. You and Anna have always tried to avoid these overseers at all cost, but your life is changed when one of those same terrifying offspring is brought into the clinic, injured and unconscious.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

This is an original Alien (well half alien) x Fem Reader story! I hope everyone who enjoys my fanfiction will give this a shot! Any feedback whatsoever would be loved! I’ve already written this story so it’s not going to delay my fanfics. Just thought I might post chapters of this between fanfics if anyone is interested.

Slow burn, as this is a novel-length story, but there will be smut in later chapters! Also: violence, blood, rape attempts, death of side characters, etc.

You stood outside Anna's door the next morning, holding the little girl's hand. When the door opened, Anna looked curiously at her. "Who's this?"

"This is Miranda," you told her. "Her parents were attacked by half-breeds last night and she ended up with me. I thought you two should meet."

Anna stared down at the little girl, who was looking at her feet as she squeezed your hand. "Oh," Anna said, then dropped to her knees beside the girl and wrapped her arms around her.

Miranda's hand slipped free of yours and her little arms went around Anna, struggling to return the hug. Her body began shaking with sobs and she cried loudly into Anna's shoulder.

"It's okay, honey," Anna murmured, tears forming in her own eyes. "I'll take care of you now."

You stood back silently until Miranda stopped crying and Anna led her inside, then you followed the girl into the apartment.

Anna's place was cute and quaint, reminding you of the pictures you once saw in old home improvement magazines Terrian used to keep lying around the clinic. You didn’t know how she kept it so clean. The walls and furniture were faded, but had clearly been very bright and cheery at one time. 

"So how did Miranda survive?" Anna asked, sitting down at the table beside you and handing you a cup of weak tea.

You took a sip. "Remember the half-breed Terrian brought in yesterday? He was the one who killed her parents."

"I told you he was dangerous!"

"Yeah, but he let Miranda go because he owed us for saving him."

Anna sat her cup of tea down. "You mean you interfered with a punishment? And a half-breed actually listened to you?"

"I was surprised myself," you answered, taking another sip. “I was so scared, I was crying like a baby. But I took a chance and it worked out.” 

“You better not try anything like that again,”

Anna warned you. Then she glanced at the clock on her wall. “We’d better get to the clinic.”

After Anna showed Miranda around the kitchen and told her to help herself to anything in the refrigerator, she locked the door and instructed the girl to keep it that way until she came home.

"Sorry to dump her off on you," you said as you and Anna walked together toward the clinic.

"No problem. It'll be nice to have someone around. The nights are pretty lonely, you know."

You nodded. "I know." You turned your eyes toward the giant mechanical tower that stood in the direct center of Gallica. It was visible from every single spot in the city, as it loomed over everything as a symbol of the Pagoda. You frowned at the menacing construct. "It's too bad we can't just blow it up."

Anna followed your gaze to the tower and immediately held a finger to your lips. "Shhh! You know better than to say something like that in public!" she whispered furiously. "Do you wanna get ripped up by the half-breeds?"

You pulled Anna's hand away. "I know, I know. But it's like they're mocking us with that stupid tower."

"That stupid tower keeps the dome up. If we blow it up, we all freeze to death."

You looked down an alley toward the wall of the dome, where you could faintly see snow blowing wildly around on the other side. You sighed and kept walking. There was nothing you could do, nothing anyone could do.

Walking by the various alleyways and streets brought back painful memories. You could almost see yourself as a teenager, huddled under a streetlamp with Anna, eating whatever you could steal.

But you could also still see Terrian reaching out his hand to you both. You pushed the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and walked the rest of the way to the clinic with Anna.

It was a couple of days later when the front door of the clinic swung open and the half-breed you and Terrian had fixed up returned. He was back in his uniform, topped off by a dark beret that pressed his black hair down over the lone green eye. You stared at him as he walked toward Terrian. He was no longer the wounded young man in polka-dot pajamas, but an unfeeling monster in black.

There was a knot in your stomach, and you looked over at Anna, who was frozen stiff. "Anna, come on, let's tend the other patients," you told her, taking her hand.

"That bastard killed Miranda's parents," Anna whispered.

You nodded. "I know, but there's nothing we can do now. Let's go."

Terrian stepped out from the bedside of a nearby patient when the half-breed neared him. "Ah, Mr. Vartan! You came back for your check-up!"

The half-breed, who had apparently signed his patient form as Vartan, nodded.

Terrian led him through the swinging doors and into the back room. Some of the patients who were conscious drew in sharp breaths as Vartan walked by them, looking at him with terror written across their faces. You felt bad for them.

Just when you thought things had calmed down, a few minutes after Terrian and Vartan had left the room, Terrian poked his head through the swinging doors and asked you to bring some more bandages. You frowned to him, but gathered up the bandages and walked through the swinging doors.

Vartan was sitting on a cot, his jacket and shirt discarded and his torso again exposed. At least this time he was wearing pants.

He looked young as he sat there, a little younger than the twenty-three years of age he had written on the patient form. Shirtless and wearing the beret made him look strangely like some sort of male stripper. Dare you even think it, he almost looked cute.

Terrian removed the bandages and examined the wound. It had already mostly closed up, healing rapidly with the amazing Pagoda blood. He carefully cleaned the area, examined it for infection, then dressed it with fresh bandages.

"Take these off in a couple of days. If the wound looks fine, you don't need to put anymore on. If there's any bleeding or discoloration, come here immediately."

Vartan nodded, pulling on his jacket. He paused, looking at you. "Is there a problem?"

You blinked. "What?"

"You have been staring at my chest the whole time you have been here. Is there a problem I should be aware of?"

You went red. You hadn't even realized you were staring. "Oh, no, I'm sorry!"

Terrian looked at you in surprise, then looked back to Vartan. "You'll have to forgive my nurse. She's not used to seeing such finely crafted male bodies. The lot we get in here are very different from you."

"Doctor!" Your face was now burning with embarrassment.

Terrian laughed, and Vartan seemed just a little confused. You were deeply upset. How could Terrian be so casual with a half-breed?

Vartan buttoned his jacket, thanked Terrian again, nodded to you, and left out the back door. Terrian grinned. "Wow, he's so polite!"

"Polite?! I saw him tear a woman's head off the other night!"

"Well, he's still a half-breed after all. At least we're safe. He seems to like us, you in particular."

You were placing the left over roll of bandages in a cabinet. "Me?"

"You haven't noticed?” Terrian asked. “He keeps looking at you. Maybe he thinks you're cute!"

You went pale. "That's not exactly a good thing, Doctor. You know what the half-breeds are like."

"But you obviously think he's cute," Terrian said, still grinning.

"I do not!"

"Couldn't keep your eyes off him."

"I was looking at his wound!"

Terrian laughed. "Why deny it? It would certainly be novel, a half-breed with a willing human."

"I don't like him!" you suddenly screamed. "He killed Miranda's parents! If we hadn't saved his life, he would've killed me too!"

"That's all true, but haven't you ever wondered? How much their human side affects them? I don't think they've ever had relationships like we have. I don't think they understand the concept of family. Maybe if they could experience that, it would awaken the humanity in them."

"But Doctor, how can you make excuses for them? They killed your father, didn't they?"

Terrian looked down, his glasses slipping down his nose. "You're right. Sorry, it was just wishful thinking."

The day wore on, just like the other days before it. You, Anna, and Terrian tended patients, joked with each other, and allowed yourselves to forget about the outside world. And when the working day was over, you parted ways and returned home.

Anna's apartment was on the other side of town, where Miranda was at home waiting for her. Terrian lived in a large house a few blocks away, but spent the night at the clinic whenever a critical patient was brought in. He had often asked you girls to move into his home, but you both had the desire for a little independence, at least for as long as you could maintain it.

You entered your apartment that evening, flipping on the light in the small living room and locking the door up tight behind you. The room was dirty, no matter how many times you cleaned it. It seemed like a thin layer of filth covered the whole city, and no one could get rid of it.

There was no television, not for the past twelve years. Your memories of it had become vague over time. Sometimes you and Anna went to Terrian's house to watch old films. As interesting as they were, you found them depressing. People were usually happy in those movies, enjoying a world you didn’t remember, and you couldn't relate to them at all.

There was an unused stove in the corner of your kitchen and a small refrigerator stocked with items like fruit, vegetables, butter, cheese, and rarely some form of meat. You counted yourself extremely fortunate to have what little you had, as produce was quickly becoming a scarcity. The Pagoda managed resources in an extremely strict manner, and even private gardens had been taken over. 

You unpacked your things from the duffel bag, then changed into pajamas. You fixed herself a glass of water, placed it on your bedside table, and went to bed. The sheets were cold without the warmth of another person, but you had gotten used to that.

Sleep came slowly to you, and then you were haunted by violent nightmares filled with screams and blood and the half-breed Vartan killing Miranda's father. And then suddenly Miranda morphed into Anna.

"Why didn't you save me too?" Anna demanded, looking up at you with blood all over her face, "Why didn't you save me like you did Miranda?!"

You backed away from her until your back hit a stone wall. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Anna! I didn't know you then!"

Anna shook her head. "That doesn't matter. I needed you. I needed to be saved!"

She came closer, until she was inches from you. Finally, she reached out and wrapped her hands around your throat, choking you.

You awoke with a jolt, sitting up in bed and clutching the sheets in your fists. Sweat dripped down your back. Nightmares like that were surprisingly rare for you. Generally, you dreamed of your parents or of the clinic. 

You never got back to sleep that night, and so you were early to work the next morning, even before Terrian or Anna arrived. Terrian came first, unlocking the doors and letting you in, followed soon after by Anna. You and Anna changed into your uniforms while Terrian checked the patients. But just as you walked through the swinging doors, you heard the front door of the clinic bust open.

All of you looked up just as three half-breeds, two men and one woman, walked in. They scanned the main patient area with their two-color eyes, then looked at Terrian. 

One of the men spoke with the same mechanical voice Vartan had. "We've received reports that you are harboring those who escaped punishment. Everyone in this building is now officially interfering with punishment.”

Terrian pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose again. "Girls, I want you to run far away from here. Right now."

Anna started toward him. "But Doctor..."

"RUN!" he screamed, and you grabbed Anna's arm, dragging her toward the back entrance. As the two of you made it through the swinging doors, you began to hear screams and cries, glass breaking, and the sound of Terrian's voice as he yelled for the half-breeds to stop.

[deepperplexity]

Prompt: 18. Blankets And Snuggles [C6]

Pairing: Turpin x Fem!Wife!Reader

POV: Second, Reader & Third, Turpin

Setting: Turpin’s house

Continuation of: Prompt 4. Sharing, 6. Out Of Care, 13. Shimmering Icicles, 15. Cards And Coals & 17. Bells Of Christmas

A/N: I'm sorry I'm late - IRL stuff has to come first and it's been crazy over here. Lots of things going on and even more things I have to do that absolutely need my undivided attention unfortunately. so, fandom has to take a little step back at times even if this is a daily event. I write too much for my own good, honestly. but... it is what it is and I do love it, I'm just very stressed out right now and I have finished writing today's fic as well so I'll be posting that one right after this one.

Yeah, so, diving right in again and we’re going to have some more rough smut - literally continuing where we left off last time - as the prompts lined up so damn splendidly and to get the chance to give that all-important aftercare Richard hasn’t grasped fully yet but is feeling a need for without being able to understand it himself 😂 But, yes, a little rough smut first, then we get all the cuddles and snuggles and fluff along with confessions and all that goodness! Iiiih, I’m so excited! 😍👏

Tags/TW’s: SMUT, Derogatory Language, Fluff, Aftercare, Snuggles, Rough Intimacy, Improvised Restraint, Feeling Shame, Vaginal Penetration, Bathing Together, Guilt, H/C, Confessions, Touching In Sleep (For Care)

Abbr.: Y/N - Your Name

Word Count: 2.9k+

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

⩤• You •⩥

He loved you. He truly did. His words rang sweet and true in your ears and you were desperate to reach up and hug him, but with your arms still held in place by your destroyed dress you had to resort to clawing at the sheets below instead. “Now,” he began in a deep murmur, “we shall see what my little wife can take,” he continued and your stomach flared with warmth while your heart stuttered in your chest. You were excited, a bit scared, but ready to follow his lead.

Richard straightened up while grabbing your thighs, tugging you closer still. You whimpered as his hands held on firmly and his cock was as far in as it could possibly go. You were so full, so stuffed with him your inside struggled to adjust for a second.

“You wished to be my little whore, did you not?” he purred while he jerked his hips forward harshly. You were immobilised by the dress and his grip. “Y-yes,” you confessed even if shame burned your throat with the word. “Such a sweet word,” he hummed as he began thrusting harder. You moaned, your head thrown back, exposing your throat to him while he rocked both you and the bed with his harsh thrusts.

Your dress snagged beneath you, turning tighter and locking your arms against your sides while his hands sank lower. He gripped at the very top and his thumb found your aching clit, stroking it right on the edge of too harshly. “ Fuck ,” he hissed. “What a sweet — mmh — sweet little whore I have.” “Richard,” you whined as he picked up the pace and your insides corded with the pleasurable pain of his brutal treatment. “Little slut,” he groaned. “Sweet—” thrust “—little—” thrust “—slut—” thrust “—of mine,” he said as you tried to meet his movements. You couldn’t, you were his for the taking.

You cried out as the orgasm hit you, one of his hands clamped around your throat as you whimpered and shook. Pleasure flooded your entire body and mind while he leaned over you, some of his weight pushing down on your throat while he fucked you to the brink of breaking. Your body wasn’t experienced enough yet to take any more.

“S-stop,” you whimpered. “Oh no, little whore,” he said through clenched teeth as he squeezed your throat, and another thrill shot through you. “Whores do not decide,” he continued with a deep groan before his pace turned erratic. “R-Richard,” you whispered between gasped breaths while your head began to spin. You got enough oxygen so you couldn’t understand why you felt so dizzy. “So good,” he groaned. “So — haa — fucking good,” he groaned just before he stilled. His cock pulsed within you and you shuddered at the warm burst filling you while he moaned the most delicious of satisfied sounds while releasing you and supporting his weight with his hands on each side of your head.

His panted breaths fanned over your face, his eyes closed while he drew ragged breaths and you couldn’t help but feel some pride, knowing it was your body he took such pleasure from. But you were coming down from your high, the pleasure ebbing away — leaving the pain behind.

Richard slipped out as he bent to kiss the tip of your nose and you whimpered on a hiss. You were so sore, in pain after his rough treatment of your inexperienced body. Yet, still, you couldn’t help but feel good beneath the shame of what you had just wanted and agreed to. Will he send me away now again? You hated the thought and your fingers flexed as you wished to grab him and never let go.

“You did so well,” he murmured by your ear and warmth crept along your bare chest and throat. “My sweet wife, so full of surprises.” “I… I want to hold you,” you said and his gaze caught yours. “Anything you need, love.”

He freed you of the dress while you tried not to move too much, every motion hurt in a dull sort of aching way. “Sore?” he asked, a flicker of trepidation in his eyes. You shook your head, not wanting to put a damper on the moment. “Do not lie to me,” he demanded while grabbing your chin. “Are you hurt?” “Yes… It hurts,” you confessed while trying not to drown in the storms of his eyes. “A bath, a warm bath.” He moved off the bed and your hands instinctively reached for him as you didn’t want him to abandon you alone in the bedroom.

He did not. He scooped you up with ease and nuzzled the side of your head for a second before carrying you off to the bathroom where he deposited you on the one chair in the room before he began filling the tub. You watched with your eyes roaming all over his naked body while he bent over the edge, mixed oils with the steaming water and then rummage through the closet in the corner for some thick towels.

“Ready?” he asked and you nodded before standing. “Gently now,” he ushered and you took his hand before stepping into the perfectly hot water and sank down with a hiss and groan of pain-mixed pleasure as the water engulfed your body. “Forward,” Richard said and you obeyed. He stepped in and sank down behind you before tugging you against his font where you deflated. “And for you information, this is wife treatment,” he murmured before kissing the top of your head where it rested against his sturdy chest. It made a smile stretch your lips.

⩤• Turpin •⩥

He held you close yet was gentle in his grasp. Your head lulled to the side and after another moment your breaths turned slower. You were fast asleep against him and he was alone with his thoughts for all intents and purposes.

His finger drew circles on your hip while his body soaked up the warmth of yours, the closeness you offered. He could not stop his errant thoughts, the guilt and anguish of what he had done to you in the bedroom before he ever knew you consented. Sure, you had wished to be a whore and not his wife, but he was not foolish enough not to know those were words spoken in anger and hurt — not an actual request. Yet, his own anger had made him be so violent with you, so volatile and harsh.

Some part of him had held back though, thank the lord above, yet he had still treated you roughly. Your body was far from experienced and now, as you both lay in the water, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had truly harmed you. The thought made his throat constrict and his hands hardened atop your hips before he forced himself to soften again.

When you had cried and asked him to stop he had both wished to do so instantly and to keep going, harder and rougher, to truly drive home the point you were not his whore but his wife and should not wish for it to be the opposite. He chuckled at that, thinking of how your body had reacted, how soaked and ready your perfect cunt had been to take him even if he had forced himself to enter you in a less than gentle way. Yet you enjoyed it, love… Quivering and whimpering, pulsing around my cock like a true slut. My sweet wife, ever the surpriser.

He had enjoyed what had happened, far too much perhaps, yet through it all (until you told him to do it) he had struggled with the hurt he was causing you — your tears, your cries, your pleading and whimpering. He never wished to lay harm upon you, only pleasure, yet he had forced himself to treat you how you had first unknowingly wished for and then how you asked of him to do. Some twisted, broken, dark part of him had enjoyed it to some extent. He was a depraved man, with urges and wants and likes on the rougher side. Yet, that part of him had barely been heard while he had done what he did until you consented. Everything was different with you.

Richard adjusted himself behind you and your head tipped further to the side, giving him an uninterrupted view of your beautiful body. His cock jerked and half hardened at the sight you were. The redness around your thighs from his former grip, the slight swelling of your cunt he’d taken harshly, the peaking of your nipples under the warm water just barely below the surface. Such perfection, and all mine …

He hardened further as he watched your chest rise and sink with every breath and the echo of your whiny moans filled his head, the view of you throwing your head back in pleasure while tears streamed down your pretty face had him grow solid in a matter of seconds. “What you do to me… My sweet little slut of a wife… Perfection in my arms, for my cock,” he whispered by your ear while his fingers softly kneaded your hips before travelling up along your sides only to gently cup your breasts.

He held still for a moment, and then his thumbs brushed up and down over your nipples as they fully hardened into points while you remained asleep. His plan was not to wake you or take you again, simply to pleasure your body sweetly through your well-deserved sleep. He knew that light arousal after such intensity could ease soreness and slight aches — that was his only intent as he listened to your breathing grow a tad louder while he gently kept circling your nipples.

When the water began to grow cold he held you closer and said it was time to wake up. You hummed and stirred before he felt you wake up fully. “Oh,” you whispered, “I fell asleep…” “Indeed, much-deserved sleep too.” He kissed the top of your head. “But it is time to move.”

You were both dried off a minute later and he wrapped you in a thick robe before motioning for you to sit on the chair again. After a moment of hesitation and an arched brow from him you did as he asked. Richard took a smaller towel and began to gently dry out your hair, squeezing it gently and massaging your scalp with the lush fabric. He listened to you hum in delight and a small smile stretched his lips.

He had the strangest urge to care for you, pamper you, lavish you with warmth and adoration. He had never before felt such a need. Usually, it was a harsh banging and a toss of coins before he sent the whore on her way with little to no care for her feelings or aches. The coins … He felt a debilitating sense of relief he had not fully committed to the whole whore affair with you, he had grabbed the coins, planning to toss them on the bed after he’d fucked you to only his pleasure — to show what the letters had meant about lavishing upon whores — and then for him to just leave you there on the bed after it all to truly drive home the point.

He paid his whores well, more generous in his coin spending than most but he had his reasons for it. Silence being one, the depths of his depravity and lust for violent ownership another. Whores were far more willing when they knew the price was worth their fear and pain — as he now knew, some even enjoyed such treatment. My sweet wife perhaps one in dance with sinful lust as well, can I hope for it to grow?

“Richard?” “Hm? Yes, love?” He had become lost in his thoughts for a moment. “Thank you, for being so sweet to me now,” you said and he looked at you in the mirror before the both of you. “I-, well I hated how you sent me away before, as if you didn’t care for me at all after saying such sweet things about me… As if… As if it were lies…” He watched your reflection in awe, the rosy colour spreading wildly, your lowered, bashful eyes and insecure smile. Your innocence was far too sweet but he wished to lap it up like honey.

“I sent you away to offer space, a chance for you to find your thoughts,” he said while he scrunched the strands in the towel one final time. Leaving it just a bit moist. “Don’t do that again… Please,” you asked and he watched your shoulders tense. “As you wish, love.” “I mean it, I thought you rejected me.” “Never.” “And… And how do you feel about me now?” you asked with trepidation in your shallow voice. It had him confused, why would you ask such a question when he was so gently caring for you? Something he would never do for another. Had never done for another.

“What do you mean?” “You-, you said you loved me and I—” you gulped down a breath “—feel so shameful for what we-, what you-, what I… For what happened. It’s not proper, it’s sinful, it’s dirty, it’s—” “Perfection and wonderfully brave,” he finished by interrupting you.

He stepped around you, grabbing your hand and tugging you to your feet. “Y/n, love, you are only perfection in my eyes. If you wish me to be rough with you, take from you, lavish you with gentleness, or treat you like the little slut you are when whining beneath me, I’ll do so. No matter your wish, I will gladly oblige,” he said while forcing you to look him in the eye by grabbing your chin with his free hand.

“Seeing you like that, all for me to take however I please… There is nothing but beauty in that for me.” “But it’s so wrong,” you whispered. “Nothing is wrong between two consenting adults, love. I will worship you, go into the depths of depravity to please you, and it pleases me greatly to find you willing to be taken like that.” “It’s not wrong of me?” “Darling, no,” he affirmed before kissing you swiftly on the lips. “There is nothing wrong with you and there will be no shaming between us, ever.” “You promise?” “I promise.”

You were in his arms the next second, sniffling into his shoulder while he held you tightly. “Tell me what you need to feel safe,” he said. “I— Just you,” you answered. “I want to be close to you.” “I want to care for you, as I have never cared for another, sweet wife.” He parted your bodies and took your trembling hand in his larger one. “Let me care for you,” he continued before tugging you to move with him.

He told you to lay on the bed, atop the cover as the sheet was a mess, while he rummaged through the closet for blankets and pillows. He carried them all over and got another round of them from the closet. He fluffed the pillows before laying down, dragging you into his side while wrapping his arm behind and around you and pulling the blankets up over your bodies still dressed in the robes. He held you close, kissing the top of your head, nuzzling into your head before kissing your temple as well with a delighted hum. Never had he felt so at peace, so warm, so perfectly at ease.

⩤• You •⩥

Not long ago had you said to Miss Lowel that the man you were now cuddled up to couldn’t possibly feel a thing for you, that you weren’t even sure he had the capability of feeling positive things. How wrong you had been, how harshly you had misjudged him, and how you loved that. Had you been right, you would have forever been forced to live as a wife to the man you loved without ever receiving a scrap of affection in return. What a terrible existence it would have been. It’s not my forever, it’ll never be that way now.

Richard tugged the blanket closer to your chin, holding you tightly against his warm body. It felt perfect. Never had you felt so safe, so warm, so certain life was to become warm again, warmer than ever before. Blankets and snuggles, it was perhaps to become one of your favourite things — after… well, after… A small giggle left your lips as a fresh blush coloured your skin. It would take a while for you to be comfortable even thinking about the adventures among sheets you and your husband could have.

“Comfortable?” he asked, the deep drone of his voice like a caress for your senses. “Far more than comfortable, husband of mine,” you admitted and he stiffened for a second. “Something wrong?” “That is the first time you have termed me in such a manner.” “No, I’ve said you are my husband several times, Richard.” “Indeed, but never husband of mine ,” he mumbled and, as you glanced up from where your head rested on his upper chest and shoulder, you saw the smallest hint of a rosy tint to his pale cheeks. Your heart positively fluttered at the sight. “Husband of mine,” you whispered before reaching up your hand to cup his cheeks. He leaned into your touch and you felt yourself melt fully for him. He cared, he loved you, he wished for none but you, for you to call him yours and yours he was — as you were his…

…To Be Continued…

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

A/N: Uffh, gosh, it felt good to write this after the last fic - like, don't get me wrong, loved last prompt's fic so much but getting to the emotions and the aftercare and the fluff after what happened with these two last just feels so good 🙈👏❤ Also, a reminder, this is fiction - this story (especially the smut parts) is not how it should be in reality. Consent always needs to be there - like Richard says, two consenting adults! You obviously already know that, but I do always feel it should be said just for clarity 🥰

Also, I am beyond exhausted. Like, I'm sorry I'm late but... This month is draining me 😂 It's not so much Rickmas (even if that obviously adds a lot to the pressure and stress) it's more everything else. Gosh, wish I could turn off the world and be in my fanfiction bubble for all of December, would have been frikkin nice 😅

Q: If you had to force-feed a Rickman character 100(!) gingerbread cookies in one sitting - who do you think would be able to handle it the longest? 😂😂😂 A: I honestly have no real idea, I feel like Nottingham would do his damnedest to go through it if you dared and taunted him enough about it though 👀

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[Dec:2023]

[dollgram]

assigning kairiki bear songs

translations from vocaloid lyrics wiki unless specified

005

Darling Dance

there’s nothing, there’s nothing, i have nothing, you hear me? can't change, can't change, i can’t change, you hear me? i don’t get it, i don’t get it—“i get you,” no, you don’t get it, alright, i’m hiding everything but the eyes in my photos!

worthless, my da-da-da-da dulling dulling darling (lol), how very funny! it seems like a dubious theory for love, but sure, i'll keep pleading for your attention. in my worthless da-da-da-da darling’s mind, i'm just filthy and dirty, please quench my urge to see you, da-da-darling!

nananananananana, nanana nanana– my purity gone, fading in and out of emotion, nananananananana, nanana nanana– my innocence gone, pouring all my sappy feelings into a worthless darling. (smooch!)

Mellomelloid / Attract-oid

you gotta come meet me this week! waah, i’m so lonely! i’m crying, so gloomy… sniffle, sob, ‘till my face is bright red, that kinda thing… …well, they’re totally fake tears, aren’t they? lol

you’ve already become hopelessly infatuated with these eyes, and now vulnerable, i gulp more down! all my cells are biting, biting - you’re so much that i could eat you up! now vulnerable, i’ll gulp more down! my disguise has been busted, and i’ve already completely gone wild!

Unhappy Birthday (TL)

(next, next year, next year) surely everyone, (next, next year, next year) every one of them, (next, next year, next year) will get bored, (and just leave me.)

(another shot,) i'm doubled over, (choke it down,) i tie the rope, (1 2 3, i say,) i want to disappear.

unhappy birthday-day-day, sings the pile of trash-trash-trash. having an imaginary party in the mud-mud, wildly flailing and dancing-dancing-dancing, “erasure.”

Mao / Cat

pspsps, cat, cat, aren't you a cute little cat? you try crying mournfully and grinning sweetly up at me, but i don't notice, so you jump! cat, cat, who are you? even if i try to inquire, you quite clearly can’t convey the answer to me.

that's the way!

isn’t it natural to put on a bold front? (isn’t that natural?) the truth is, i want to groom myself to my heart’s content. (meow, meow, meow, meow!) coexistence? you joking? not a chance! (not a chance!) bye-bye-bye! affirmation generally involves a nod. running around dejected, i’m met with hardship, hardship. how charming. this late in the game, i’m feigning innocence more than ever, meooow!

Carnival Happy

give it all you've got, pa-party, let's play! (now laugh! good kid, good kid!) let's shout, “what time does it close?”

out of range, bound hand and foot, a deer in headlights, (don't cry! good kid, good kid!) hey, it's true: you only smile at the best stuff, right?

please, please, please, don't leave me behind, please, please, please, look at me, right by my side, please, please, please, praise me, gimme a pat on the head, let's play on the hopscotch squares! let's play...

Alkali Underachiever

i give it my all until my face is red from exertion, “unoriginal”, “underachiever”– i don’t wanna hear it...

ruruka ririka lula lilalulala– don’t hate me, i want to know the meaning of my mud-smeared existence. ruruka ririka lula lilalulala– don’t leave me behind, i’m surrounded by darkness, so i can’t even see ahead of me.

006

Ángel (TL)

the crimson blood covering the seducing blade, the meaning of existence, go shade it, go shade it! the work of a servant, it's karma, it's all worth it, a life filled with bullshit, we're spinning and spinning around...

ah ah, break down cynically, 1 2 3! isn't it so painful? desperate life, life, life, life– sew your heart with an incision, 2 2 3! for this junky future, we'll make it shine again!

Carnival Happy (TL (only some parts))

yeah. le-le-let's go, let's go- let's- it's all fine, fine. i kept fighting, and fighting, while screaming: i don't like this! i can't do it! i can't bear it anymore– open up, open up, open up the “unknown!”

yeah. le-le-let's go, let's go- let's go, it's f-fine, i made a mistake, a mistake, let's “mayday”! i'm trying hard not to cry, the kids who can't do it go missing, “peek-a, peek-a, peek-a-boo!” more bad things will come, with our hands, with our hands, let's clap with our hands!

Telesto-Teles (TL)

a terrible spectacle that's all but dazzling, my innocence goes bye-bye. living through it is honored hypocrisy; hey, it's the rule of justice.

riiight. where is my happiness? unhappiness is painful, but surely the skies will be clear tomorrow? what i saw...

(wa pa pa pa, wa pa ra pa ra pa)

i'm walking, walking recklessly now, losing sight of the meaning (of being here), the uncharted unknown– huh? huh? in a limp mirage. even tonight, the world, after the clouds, turns into a sunny day, a self-proclaimed peace prize. the right answer is a feeble image of friendship and love. (limply-limp-limply...)

Down Timer

i can’t go back after all, i can’t go back after all, the neverending darkness, the struggling, the crying, it all just sucks. that kind of life – burn it!

therefore, the loneliness of my heart, let it rip my body to shreds, tear it apart! embrace the pain tightly and let it blossom– yes, the throbbing screams of my heart, crawling and tearing apart the ground, the once clear light is withering away – i will do a good job!

Heart Nonsense (TL)

there's nothing left in me. there's nothing left for me. (pain, pain, go away. pain, pain, go away.) everything is a big, heavy mess. it makes me feel smothered, dizzy. (pain, pain, go away. pain, pain, go away.)

i've done a good job of tearing away my depressed mask, and i've thoroughly deceived the truths i've denied.

please, rid me more of my heart. please, destroy more of my heart. come, cry out in pain, my dear heart– the jokers are scattered; please, corrupt more of my heart. please, defile more of my heart. come, dig deeper into the wounds in my chest, try it...

Anatasama

o you, o you, it's already a desired response to your overtness, o you, you will destroy the rebellious, encumbering human race!

o you, o you, it's already a rampaging, overt realization, o you, you will eradicate the crude, "annoying" human race! i'll destroy the entire human race, o you, hey, o you, hey, from the brains of skeletons are many of you!

007

Mage of Violet (TL)

lightly, lightly being dyed purple, from here on out i'll continue to protect you; go and release the spell of miracles, and make your smile bloom like a flower.

glittering, this is directed to the depths of your heart, continue being just the way that you are; it's like a magical power that, you see, can make everyone in this world smile! urapa papa pararira, then if you sing, we're together forever, aren't we? surely forever, aren't we?

Mental Chainsaw (TL)

d-d-d-d-down ↓ getting worn down, d-d-d-d-down ↓ living sure is hard, d-d-d-d-down ↓ tomorrow and beyond that, no matter how much you try, it's a strike-out!

this annoying hate, oh– no, no, i say no! no, no, and i say no, no, no! these annoying limits, oh– no, no, i say no! no, no, so let's all roar! a-a-a-au!

Hate Girl

ugh, hating, hating, hating– any and every thing, it's dark, it's dark, it's dark, ugh, everyone, everyone, everyone– feeling apathetic, they turn a blind eye to it all, it's what they're good at! (yeah!)

hating, hating, hating– hating this disaster hating, hating, hating– pretend to be tough, yeah! shaky, shaky, shaky– even this severe pathology is just faking-ism, run-ta-ta-ta! (yeah!)

hating, hating, hating– hating that i was born, hating, hating, hating– make a circle, yeah! dizzy, dizzy, dizzy– now i'm emotionless with this cutting-ism, run-ta-ta-ta! hating girl-ism, run-ta-ta-ta! (yeah!)

Bug

let's see, it's a bu-bu-bug, now, bug, bug; ta-ta-tag, it's just talents tagged as such, ugh, i'll pe-pe-peel, peel my emotions away, this onset of "pain" is no good, no good, no good… no, no, no!!!

well! a terrifying emotional drop, it's all the pa-pa-para paranoia! i raise my drowned-out voice and go round and round; well! it's a desperate situation, i'm doomed to fall no matter what i do! surely, surely sinking, no, no, no!

let's see, it's a bu-bu-bug, now, bug, bug; your affection is just off the mark-ark, i hate it so! let's see, it's a bu-bu-bug, now, bug, bug, the answer is so weak, i hate it! i hate it!!

Neroism

this phenomenon hurts, it hurts! a pitch-pitch-black phenomenon! preced-ced-ceded by symptoms of bright-bright-red inflammation! this phenomenon hurts, it hurts! a headlong phenomenon! an entire life of my an-an-anguished emotions plummeting in free-freefall!

i de-de-de-de-ny it, i de-de-de-de-de-ny it, ny it, ah, (at this point) from my inner self to my very existence, i deny it all, aha! i de-de-de-de-ny it, i de-de-de-de-de-ny it, ny it, ah, (at this point) whatever happens now, it's fine, so i don't want to hear it! i don't want to hear it!

Ruma

time after time, i stumble—yip yip yip—and stagger around unsteadily, i'm going numb... the right answer disappears—bark bark bark—wait! i can't seem to find the exit either?

give me love; scream out your feelings recklessly until you're hoarse, it will not stop— laugh off the x marks, the blood plasma in your heart dances about in a bright red, i put forward that there is no correct answer—dun dun dun dun! (awoo!)

Failure Girl (TL)

ah, see, i scraped my skin again, how many times does this make? here, see, my traumas keep oozing out, no matter how i try to hide them. ah, see, i've held it in again, making it seem like it's no big deal, how good i've gotten at this. just, see, they may say anything about me, i'm showered with their disdain and covered in bruises.

this suffocating feeling is making me quiver, this inferiority complex is making me dizzy, i can't breathe, i'm completely empty inside.

Lemmingming

hey, having little to no salvation is the norm here! meaningless and unproductive abuse, i want to say goodbye to this world that fails to thrive off of true madness.

insulting each other, envying one another, we hate each other so!

all we pull are incorrect answers and even though we try to dive off the cliff and die, ah, nobody gives a single damn! not one! the normalities i've refuted that made me all alone are already so numerous... held by this neverending pain, i can't see anything in front of me.

Venom

in exhaustion mode, our lives are “suffering”, it’s a deadly poison in our school–give in to it, give in to it! (a magnificent knight–when pretending to be happy, win or lose, you die by a lack of productivity.) regrets are already “lonely”–smile, smile!

the recipe for my heart is flavored with attention-seeking; i’m a nirvana junkie. i pretend more and more to be strong, and end up face-down in the mud. gulping down the poison, feeling pain, crying, there’s no coughing up this veno-venom– goodbye.

008

Electrostatic Human (TL)

i'm terrified of being laughed at. opinions are dangerous. this whole world makes me ill at ease. thus, i bristle, as if electric, to shake free of everything, “don't touch me like you know me,” i seem to say.

the cats and the crows, they all stay away from me. in the dark, i'm completely by myself, just as i wanted.

i try to be strong, try to be strong, try to be strong, but it just hurts. whenever i come into contact with something, there'd be a prickling pain at my fingertips. i want to touch, want to touch, want to touch others, but i can't. i'm just a coward, a pest. for me, there's no accomplishments, no “right answer”, nothing.

Mao / Cat

i avoid the public gaze, and in a graceful manner, i want to pull back the nail that doesn’t stick out. retreat, retreat, retreat! the world i dreamed of that day gave me a touch on the back.

jeez, who gives a damn, damn? it pisses me off! (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) who gives a damn, damn? it's already over! (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) that’s why i’m saying “meow, meow!” that’s why i’m always by my lonesome! i've gotten used to it, and been laid up in bed with it, and i've cried many times over it.

Bug

spinny-spin, going insane! crack! warning! wait, this isn’t gonna work— spinny-spin, spinning at the count of 1, 2! (insane, insane,) aah! crack! warning, yeah, this really isn’t gonna work— spinny-spin, my feet chained, (insane, insane) endless pain, huh? haha!

squeezed, squeezed tightly is an unneeded child, pa-pa-para, paranoia; good girl, good girl - the one flooding the chat with "good job" is the administrator, aah...

Minus Label

falling down, i nosedive, and it gets worse. i want to face forward, but i can't, and so i feel down.

i'm an underachiever, labeled and taken ahold of by my neg-neg-neg-neg-negative thinking. indecisive throughout the year, i can't take a single step.

i feel stagnated, all i'm doing is getting better at this love-love-love-love-loveless fake smile. i can't even retrace the steps of this emotional lost child.

Lemmingming

searching around for the owner of the blood i'm soaked in, my screws come loose and i'm high from the praise, i'm putting up with all these sneers, so don't look at me! don't look at me!

hey, this barely existing friendship dwindles away bit by bit, regret is so uncool, and yet it increases steadily, i want to say goodbye to this contradiction evading us from this plague.

criticizing one another, resenting each other, we fight each other so much!

“ ” State of Heart (TL)

cry, cry, constantly winning awards through the year! “do your best–” huh? always butting in all year long! yeah, this is brutal, forget exemption, let's just close the school! i'm actually always burning myself out all year long!

my head, banging like a drum– this is proof that i exist! my head, banging like a drum– “(blank)” state of control over the heart! my head, feeling hollow– the future is unknown! my heart, always wandering– and i've been feeling sentimental all year round! already feeling sentimental 'bout everything!

People Allergy

no one, no one, no one, i can't cling to anyone, the tears fall drop by drop. i seek ideals and ideas like those found here, there, and anywhere.

i hate people, but, to be honest, it's myself, someone who's weak and nothing more, whom i hate more than anything with a burning passion.

Logica

i wonder, at that disastrous scene i finally reached after much reckless struggling and wandering, in the path i took, or the way i lived, where is it that i went wrong?

now, even if i searched for the answer, searched for the answer, and wished with all my being, this weakness lurking in the dark is gnawing at my heart. but even now, i can elucidate my doubts! i affirm that i live! i can’t send out an sos. tell me the meaning of drifting without taking a breather, and living until morning.

Venom

my heart is full of helplessness; i’m a helplessness junkie. i pretend more and more to be strong, and end up face-down, in pieces. gulping down the poison, feeling pain, crying, there’s no running away from this veno-venom.

oh my, flirtiness, loneliness, poison flowing continuously; c’mon, give me more love, make the pain go away. presence, “message read,” don’t you want some poison? more love, love, love, love– destroy it, venom, no!

009

People Allergy

i'm scared of people, so i shut myself away, if this friendship is only surface-level, i don't want any of it, not one, not one bit.

wi-wi-wi-with these bold-faced lies, laughing at me, betraying me, the pain that's created a damp spot on my chest just won't go away. e-e-e-even though my red, swollen heart has gotten all worn out, even today, every now and then, i still end up getting hurt.

Affection/Sadness Underachiever

hey, just for you, a never-ending love on 1, 2, 3! hey, all of these smiles, i want them offered up just for me, just for me, and yet…

hey, ririka, ririka, now, now, every time i long for you, my heart makes me dizzy. hiding a love with nowhere to go, look, it's dyed bright red.

and that's why ririka, ririka, right now, i'll be right by your side, yes, with our insoluble bond, i don't want you to be taken away by anyone, anyone... don't leave me behind.

Unhappy Birthday (TL)

sewing tragic “ideals” to my heart, i scrub the distress of my brain. already sterile, my emotion switch is set to off, no future in sight.

(no, it won't reach) all this wailing (no, it won't reach) with my dried up heart, (no, it won't reach) everyone, everyone (is nowhere to be found.)

(another shot,) i wish for (choke it down,) someone to hug, (1 2 3, i say,) i want to dream it, at least...

Mount Rita Girl (TL)

and that's why i just really love you, love you, yes, you, only you! can't you just see it? the marginal morality. come! now everyone's just loving with such irony! it's really the best of thrones, sss!

(cry) (cry) (cry) an inferior mayday, with eyes that hold onto grudges; unseen and unappreciated by the love of my love! (cry) (cry) (cry) with this inferior love, to the front of the long extended line; by the poisonous fangs of emotion, choke feverishly! on this throne of emotion, sos!

Neroism

there's no real reason, there's no real meaning to it. cradling my super-delicate heart tightly, tightly in my arms, i become just a bit nihilistic, more compatible with the world. by now it's hopeless, my heart's swollen up—

this phenomenon hurts, it hurts! a pitch-pitch-black phenomenon! preced-ced-ceded by the symptom of—is that a loop? well, what now? this phenomenon hurts, it hurts! a headlong phenomenon! an-an-anguished as i've been, have i been a fool my entire life?

Mellomelloid / Attract-oid

you’ve already become hopelessly infatuated with these eyes, seriously, i love, love you so much! (i love!) all your cells are melting, melting with my love, my love! no matter how hopelessly infatuated you become with these eyes, i’ll love, love you so much! (my love!) the fantasies, the fantasies are overflowing - i’m full to the brim with these feelings.

head swimming, i-i love you! a head swimming i need you, seriously, i love, love you, lo-lo-love! a head swimming “one more time!” head swimming, i-i love you! a head swimming i need you, seriously, i love, love you, lo-lo-love! head swimming, i seriously won’t ever let you go. i’m already head over heels in love! a head swimming, i need you!

Electrostatic Human (TL)

unsteadily, i try to push myself to the limit, only to find myself endangered, hindered, injured. i just want to flee, i think as i shake in fear, papapa papapa papa.

i'm terrified of being disliked, it clouds my eyes, and in the end, it turns into a malady. thus i bristle, as if electric, to get through life, “just don't mind me,” i seem to say.

even if i become fed up with anything and everything, there's simply no hope for me, as you can see, i've ended up all on my own.

Mag Mell

oh, these violent emotions dizzily come, leading to a reeling strife. oh, sadness spills out, there’s a mushy and corroded beating in my chest.

oh, my heart wanders around, leading to a reeling death. oh, staying at home is pure torture, a throbbing bpm pounding uselessly.

i have nothing left now, i have no dreams now, you've been taken away. ah, i don't care who, i just want somebody to be by my side...

tightly squeezed by a magic choker, i trip into the depths of my dreams. everything is of no concern anymore. the pitch black that takes up my sight is inviting; i have nothing left to lose.

[valyrfia]

The big loser in all of this is Daniel. He came into Alphatauri thinking he had a good shot at the RB seat. But now with the Lewis move, opening up a seat at Merc and filling Ferrari with an extremely strong pairing - RB might not be able to give Daniel that seat anymore, because they need to sign someone better, before Merc does.

And sadly there's always the what if Daniel hadn't broken his hand last year? Because if he had performed very well last year he might have gotten the RB seat for 2024 with Checo out a year early. But now it looks like he may never get the RB seat he wanted. On one hand, at least he has a seat in F1 at all, so not much to complain about there. But he really better hope VCARB are going to be fast because it's a dead end for him otherwise.

Honestly I think he's on his way out of F1 anyway in the next few years. But I do feel for him that if not for the Lewis move, he would have been almost guaranteed the RB seat.

I'll be honest anon, I agree with every point you said, but I don't feel so sorry for Daniel Ricciardo. It's the nature of the sport, and while what happened at McLaren garners sympathy, he made some bad overall decisions in the management of his career. I think the team-jumping also seriously damaged Daniel's form, and I'm a little scared that everyone is overestimating his abilities by having these crazy high expectations for him being able to challenge Max for a title in a Red Bull when realistically he will be able to perform as a good second driver, but not be able to match a Max Verstappen in the prime of his career.

Red Bull will also be shitting themselves over this Lewis to Ferrari move. Max is likely to retire in 2028 and Red Bull put all their eggs so strongly in Max's basket that they have NO real fightback against the Charles/Lewis line up, and the subsequent Charles Leclerc in his career prime in what will likely be the strongest team in the sport. Red Bull need to be looking to the future, and I see them being more likely trying to bring on another driver in their career prime (like Alex Albon, even though I don't think he'll sign a contract with them again, or they might even try and buy Oscar out of his McLaren contract) than bet on the Daniel/Max line-up. If all else fails, I think they will bring Daniel up for a couple of years to make space at Alpha Tauri for Liam Lawson and also with it being written very clearly in Daniel's contract that he is the clear n2 who is there to help Max win championships against Charles/Lewis, and then I think they'll invest in Liam Lawson, and/or maybe try and bring in Oscar Piastri. But yeah, I honestly don't see Daniel's career in the Red Bull family lasting past 2026, whatever the outcome. The shake-up of Lewis to Ferrari has just thrown everyone's medium-term plans out of the window and Red Bull have to stop resting on their laurels of the insane Max dominance if they want any chance of beating what's starting to look like an extremely powerful Scuderia Ferrari.

[alitgblog]

I just played the new volume and it was so uneventful I'm struggling to remember what happened

s11 vol 9 thoughts

too many couple switches in one volume you barely get a chance for Sonya and your partner to be together and your other potential LI barely gets a chance to speak with you

and yet Sonya has managed to be so much of a menace for that short while, yeah the forced kiss was painful to read

Jace needs to just take all the blows coming towards him in kiss or diss bc he deserves it. anyway I can't help but think this challenge should've just been snog marry pie though?

Kenzo and Maisie yall can do no wrong. stfu Jace. Esme I love you and I can't agree with the man you've chosen but I need you to just commit and out us out of our misery

thank you everyone else for posting your LIs bad paid heart rate challenge outfit so I didn't pay and yeah the free outfit is better.

Reid biker outfit helps with my Grease agenda

Zac Dino outfit actually so cute my fave

as for the girls, Ruby, Maisie, and even Anna and Sonya absolutely killing it. MC needs to up her outfit game.

Another recoupling that doesn't make sense just to end the Kenzo Esme Jace drama and then also I guess let Ruby suffer some more (although Reid is growing on me in a Liam sort of way)

the hashtags on this were funny though I'll give them that but I wanted some more yearning from callum outside of the one sentence. like yeah actually can you be more upset or shoot your shot more since you got what you wanted and are coupled with the girl you came back for but she's pining over someone else

the problem with this screenshot is that Sonya and dominic look so good next to each other wtf

the coupling situation is weird bc everyone immediately treats it like the law like Sonya and callum have barely had a chance to talk but now she's mad he's flirting with MC?. like the clip in PDA awards where Sonya is jealous of MC having two guys fawn over her makes sense like she's jealous sure, and that helps with this narrative but still I wish they wouldn't switch it up based on the coupling so quick

anyway if you're keeping up with my pride and prejudice comparisons, very easily Sonya = Caroline Bingley not only for trying to take away your love interest but even the hatred of her not getting why everyone loves MC.

once again I feel I only am enjoying the PDA awards bc it feeds into my pride and prejudice narrative, with Dominic's clip showing his initial dislike of MC bc he really just had a crush on her

Also the love triangle is sorted easily for me bc essentially my MC vibes well with Callum but prefers a challenge and with how OTT and lovey (kinda cringey) Callum is, like of course she's picking Dominic who pushes back a little more, communicates a bit better, and is a mirror to her.

only other thing to mention was I'm digging the frenemy relationship with Anna for the most part, but then there are times like the clip with Anna and Sonya where she flips back to hating MC and it's annoyingly inconsistent

but to everyone else I'm so sorry this volume must've been so boring

I do have mixed feelings on the love triangle bc I like the attention and angst but I'll admit it's repetitive especially bc my mc has already chosen dominic a bunch and pied off callum a lot (sometimes i choose to be messy and flirty with him during challenges though lmao) but really I feel like they need to wrap it up and have a sit down definitive conversation where MC let's him down and they get closure like mature adults but that just doesn't really happen in litg. everything is sorted through a last minute recoupling or a revelation mid challenge. like I miss in S1 if you want to be with Jake you have to break up with Levi/Mason first

and I felt bad when Reid said he could never see her being in a relationship ever like if Ruby and Zac aren't gonna work it out I kinda hope they somehow work it out? or we bring back Tunde for Anna idk

wtf is gonna be in the car thing we're so close to the end

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

It's finally done! After a month of writing resulting in 52 pages that I still have yet to edit, I'm almost certain it was worth exacerbating the potential carpal tunnel in my dominant wrist lmao! Honestly, though, 52 pages for a one-shot feels like some sort of fever dream, and I feel like I'll wake up in the morning to see that I still have another nine pages to write this morning. It feels ridiculous, in a way, considering I've done more in a shorter span, but I've taken a lot of time to think this out and make sure I had everything lined up in my timeline of events and that everything felt as realistic as possible, so I'm not worried about it all that much. I also took the chance to relax and play games in some of my down time, which I definitely needed. However, when I look at the now-finished beast of a one-shot, I very much feel like Mrs Doubtfire when she flips off that guy from the window. Like, yeah, I'll get to it eventually, but not now! I already wrote four pages this morning and I'm mentally exhausted already. For now, I'm going to relax and watch some 60s sitcoms for my next project (something I sort of hint at in this one-shot 😉). I'll probably have the one-shot done and up by the end of the week, so keep an eye out! But until then, I'll leave you with a few little notes I have for what's to come in this one-shot!

This particular song. And this one. But I can't forget about this specific version of this song either! (Side note: I've loved the last guy's channel for years and have cried more than once since his faithful companion, Maple, passed away, but his rendition of this song was too good not to use!)

Tumblr keeps having issues with the links, but Isabella Flores' TikTok (isabella.flores_) is exactly how I imagine a certain someone's TikTok would look - the video below especially! However, this has little to do with the actual story; it's just a fun idea that came to me in my endless scrolling while taking a break from writing.

This video, on the other hand, does have something to do with the story despite not showing the full product.

This scene is definitely important, for what may or may not be obvious reasons based on things I’ve mentioned offhandedly in other stories 👀

Finally, I give you a few words that tie into the story that will make sense later on, I promise: Nicknames, solitude, secrets, a cornered animal, forgiveness, and discoveries.

I'm pretty sure this has given you a myriad of ideas, but what do you think this one-shot will entail? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[ant1quar1an]

And it's meeeeeee Amono!

Remember HTTYD?

Yea, because that's our top favorite, what if we turn down off the Avian Reader and go back to human Reader who somehow shot Dust and their relationship starts off like how hiccup's and toothless one was from part one,

She did manage to snag his wing a bit but after a while (and a whole lot of effort not to get hurt or killed) he'll recover and yeah, they'll maybe get past being salty to each other because Reader wasn't even trying to shot him and He's just like 'Give me the chance and I'll have you dead' kinda vibe eventually they do move pass that (Like second movie but he's still reserve but he'll be the main one to go to her as she'd be introduced to the flock at one point and all)

And yeah the flock loves their (Dust) human and annoy her a lot (killer) and she'd never come come clean always in dirt, feathers and hair is a mess and ust would usually laugh at that before the meme goes 'You laughing, you laughing right now?, You think this is funny' before proceeding to slap dirt on him ending in a wrestling match surprisingly she could keep up with him some times but he's faster for sure!

. . .

Did you think I forgot about part three?

Nope, so yeah, ok the third movie she'd basically be kidnapped and all due to her relationship and this leads to all sorts of drama and it almost ends her in death (When hiccups fall with Grimmel) so you may be wondering what's next is she going to grow a pair of wings and fly?, also no, but she's gonna get saved by another Avian no one knew about (taking the ligthfury's place) yeah and the flock either has to go or stay and put of no where bam, no one's leaving at all and they're keeping Reader, ha, she's never going back, I guess she could live free or stay cooped up in society! (also turned out the other avian was actually as they say her 'child's as she raised one so that would explain what and how she knew how to deal with Dust and all)

Httyd was my childhood in a nutshell.

The amount of roleplay games I used to play.

Oh the tension between Dust and Reader. Can definitely imagine her like glaring at him as she slaps him with a fish (by throwing it) and grumbles out: "i'm trying to help you, you absolute shit."

Dust. He's a gremlin. A very reserved gremlin. Has also probably randomly picked Readz up at some point and flown her somewhere just to see her screech.

I feel like they'd definitely have a begruding romance, where Dust eventually admits that yeah, okay, this human is kinda cool and then introduces them.

Killer would absolutely be a little shit, you are so right. Readz goes back to society, covered in dirt and mud and immediately just ignores everyone looking at her before she dumps herself in the ocean to clean herself.

Hehe, Avian Child. Fledglings and chicks are so very adorable- I can see why Readz would immediately fall into a motherly position.

Anomo, you've struck again- back with a positively awesome idea.

[the-flaming-nightmare]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the wonderful @snowviolettwhite! 🧡❤

How many works do you have on AO3?

111

What's your total AO3 word count?

426,254 words

What fandoms do you write for?

Prodigal Son, Black Butler, Supernatural, 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star, The Last of Us, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Marvel, The Rookie, Sailor Moon, My Hero Academia, Lucifer (Netflix), Dexter, and Criminal Minds. There are still plenty of fandoms I want to write for but just haven't gotten the chance to yet.

Top 5 fics by kudos?

1. "Agere Ficlets/Dabbles" (Black Butler)

2. "In Need" (Black Butler)

3. "Not Alone" (Black Butler)

4. "Papa's Here" (Black Butler)

5. "Fatherly Love" (Black Butler)

Do you respond to comments?

Sure do!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmmm, guess I would say my 9-1-1 fic "A New Home". It's set in a post-apocalyptic zombie world/classifications AU, where Bobby discovers a very regressed Buck about to be attacked by a zombified Maddie and saves him. It technically has a happy/hopeful ending (like most of my fics), but considering Maddie's death and Buck being too small to really understand what happened, it's still pretty damn angsty of an ending in my opinion.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oof, that's a tough one. Guess I'll say my 9-1-1 fic "Little and Tired". It's pretty much just a fluff with no plot oneshot of Bobby and Athena taking care of Buck when he regresses after a 48 hour shift, and ends with Bobby falling asleep in bed with Buck cuddled next to him.

Do you get hate on fics?

It's extremely rare for me, fortunately. I got some dumbass anti bullshit commented on my Criminal Minds fic like last year, but other than that nothing major.

Do you write smut?

Hell yeah I do~! Not as much as I would like, but I have four Black Butler ones I'm pretty proud of lol.

Craziest crossover?

Haven't done one yet, but definitely plan to one day.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. Multiple times. By the same person. Who still shows up in kudos and comments from time to time.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup! I've had 2 or 3 translated to Mandarin and Russian. It was awhile ago now, so I sadly can't remember which ones they were lol.

Have you co-written a fic before?

No, but I would like to one day.

All time favorite ship?

Sebaciel, Wincest and Johnlock. I can't pick just one lol.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Lmao I would like to be optimistic and say I'll finish them all eventually.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, probably.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Scene description and my horrible inability to stay focused lmao.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I've written in nicknames from a couple different languages into my fics before, but I would like to one day incorporate full sentences into them too. Specifically Spanish.

First fandom you wrote in?

Black Butler. It was a horrifically cringy Sebaciel smut fic I wrote at the horny age of 13. The premise of the fic was good, but the execution was GOD AWFUL. Maybe I'll give re-writing it a shot one day tho... we shall see.

Favorite fic you've written?

Damn, another tough question lol. Hmmmm... I'm gonna say "Fatherly Love". It's not complete yet, but it's one that I'm immensely proud of and almost always enjoy writing.

Tagging (if you wanna): @angelique-of-the-volturi-guard, @panicatthetwentyonechemicalboys, @nottapossum, @cielconsumer and anyone else who wants to join!

[nellie-elizabeth]

tagged by @awildwickedslip, thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

103.

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

1,825,148

3. What fandoms do you write for?

magicians and roswell, new mexico primarily! Also wrote a good omens fic recently but that might be a one and done for now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

tales from a bookshop (good omens post season 2, fairly sure I'll never write anything this popular ever again because holy shit)

Lover's Touch - Queliot fic!

Promises - Queliot fic!

Maybe This Time - Queliot fic!

Fragments - Queliot fic!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I didn't used to in my earlier fandom days but now I'm pretty consistent about it.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I once wrote a major character death fic for Queer as Folk where Justin died. Not really my style anymore. Back in my ff.net days I also wrote Merthur major character death fic, I'm just remembering.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I always try and do happily ever afters! A lot of my stories end with a sense of "and then they continue on their adventures, and life isn't always simple or easy", so in terms of the most pure, joyful ending? I guess I'll go living proof, which is the end of my episode series for Roswell, NM, which is just a "now they're married and happy forever" fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have before, but not as a rule. Once got called an abuse apologist & incest support (oh the horror /s) for exploring the canonical close friendship (not even a romantic relationship!) between two dudes from Shadowhunters lmao. And there's a troll in the Roswell fandom who writes hilarious and idiotic unhinged rants and I've been hit by her before, but she's got a scatter-shot approach and attacks a lot of people, so, at least I know it's nothing personal.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yep! What is meant by "what kind" here? lol. I'm pretty vanilla. Mostly m/m, but I usually don't pass over the chance for m/m/f. I actually recently wrote my very first m/f full-on sex scene ever for a little Magicians snippet, Kady/Penny lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No, I don't wrote crossovers in the sense that characters from various worlds don't meet each other in my fics. HOWEVER, two of my favorite things I've ever written have been Magicians AUs that crossed over the characters from that show with the full plot from other films. One is The Old Guard (A Comet Pulled From Orbit), and one is When Harry Met Sally (When Quentin Met Eliot).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, a few times! Used to happen a lot back with old ff.net stuff, and I recently had my good omens fic translated.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I'm co-writing a series right now! First time I've ever done it and it's a blast.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

uhhhhh don't make me choose? lmao. In terms of fandom engagement and longevity I guess Queliot at this point. But in terms of... the ships that made me discover and appreciate and explore fandom in the first place? Kirk/Spock and Brian/Justin. Classics.

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue and tone setting, I think?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot details (I get bored and distracted mapping things out)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

tbh I usually wince when I see it in fic? I'm not a fan. It always feels a little silly. Maybe very very sparingly if there's like a singular phrase or term of endearment or something but I'd rather just indicate that someone is speaking another language rather than write it out. I feel like it can often be tokenizing if you just have one character who's bilingual and you give them little one-liners in a different language. Idk. If the author is bilingual and doing a thing, then that's awesome. But I can usually tell when someone's just using google translate for stuff lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Gilmore Girls!

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I'm gonna cheat and name one each for my two big fandoms. Also idk if these are my favorites but they're two I really love that aren't my most popular:

Regrets, or the Absence Thereof (Magicians)

all the roads that lead you there (Roswell)

tagging @portraitofemmy @spiders-hth-is-an-outlier @orchardsinsnow @r-dtoblack and YOU if you're reading this and want to play!

[league-of-sam]

Catching A Ghost | Simon 'GHOST' Riley

Ghost x Reader

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Simon 'GHOST' Riley x AFAB!Reader!OC 18+ MINORS DNI! t.w // angst, mental health, language, violence, death, sexual themes/SMUT, military inaccuracies, language inaccuracies (google translate).

Catching A Ghost: Masterlist

From the data you'd so bravely collected, you were able to extract several potential addresses, splitting off in teams to investigate.

That now led you to a house, hidden in the mountains on the outskirts of Las Almas. A glowing pool sat at the back, arched windows along the hallways.

You'd never get used to the beauty of the architecture here.

You were stooped atop another building in the mountains, tactical gear strapped tightly to you this time, with Alejandro, Graves, Soap, and Ghost. It was dark, and you watched as people were let through the guarded gate, some of which, you recognised from the party.

"La casa de Sin Nombre?" Soap asked,

"No. One of his Lugartenientes."

"A cartel lieutenant."

"Nice, brother." Alejandro complimented, "you're learning."

"Aye. (Y/N)'s been teaching me."

You grinned proudly, happy that Soap had been making progress with the language.

"My sources tell me all the VIPs in Las Almas will be there tonight. Some are invited, others are, um..."

"Volun-told?" Graves said, Alejandro nodding. "What's the meet about?"

"Us. Las Almas is burning, and they want to know who lit the fire."

You stood next to Ghost, a little further back than the others, both of you sporting your masks. You looked at each other, sharing a look that you both understood.

This isn't good.

"Sin Nombre will be there, yeah?" Ghost asked.

"No guarantees, but this is our best shot."

"Then we take it. I've got enough Shadows here to take over the whole damn country."

"I'd prefer if you didn't." Alejandro scowled.

"I'm just sayin'...one house shouldn't be a problem."

You rolled your eyes, "yeah, I'm sure the civilians here would really appreciate that."

"We need Sin Nombre alive." Ghost said, stepping to Graves.

"Then we need to meet him."

An involuntary groan left your lips, your head tipping back. Graves was getting on your very last nerve. 

"And how do you suggest we do that?" you said, joining the group.

"Give 'em what they want...intel. They wanna know who's here. Let's tell 'em."

"In person?" Alejandro matched your attitude.

"Correcto. Get one of us inside, find the boss, roll him up."

"I hope that's you volunteering to go. Think I've done enough on this one." you spat.

You hated the way he was so very willing to have you or your team walk into enemy territory, completely unarmed. But then, the man in front of you was now a stranger. You didn't know him at all anymore. 

And it wasn't the first time he'd sacrificed others to get what he wanted.

"I'll do it." Soap said.

You shook your head, "What? No you fucking won't." 

"You go in there, and they'll kill you, hermano." Alejandro said lowly.

"I'll take my chances."

"Soap don't-"

"We came here to stop a missile, let's stop it. I'll offer intel, for a meet with Sin Nombre. And if he's there, we pounce."

"You've got balls, you son of a bitch. You'll need eyes and ears, I'll go too."

You scoffed, walking away from the group, unwilling to hear any more of this nonsense. You couldn't believe how willing they were to sacrifice themselves for this mission. You hated that they were so willing to go in and die, to leave you behind.

Ghost turned, watching you walk away, worry clouding him.

"Right, so I'll take (Y/N)-" Graves started, but Ghost cut him off.

"(Y/N) and I will take overwatch, Shadow circles the target in a helo." 

"Uh, sure. Roger that."

Graves ripped the badge from his vest, handing it to Soap and commanding him to provide it as proof. 

The group split, then. Alejandro waited, while Graves was picked up by his Shadows in the helo. Ghost set up for overwatch, putting a small blanket on the floor next to him. You ran to Soap, helping him in taking off his gear. You were silent the entire time, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you.

"Not got any snarky comment for me, pet?" he said, ducking his head down to make eye contact with you.

"Not tonight, Soap." you mumbled.

You looked at him and smiled, but he noticed that it didn't reach your eyes, and offered you a sympathetic grin.

"Hey, c'mon, needs more than a little cartel to kill me."

"Don't die on me, yeah? You can't leave me to deal with Ghost on my own."

"I heard that." Ghost's voice came through your comm, making you giggle.

Your smile had reached your eyes, then, and it warmed Soap from the inside. 

Yeah, there was absolutely something there.

"Cross ma heart." he said, making the motion, "it's too much of a punishment being left alone with 'im."

The blanket was for you.

Ghost didn't want you sitting uncomfortably. You'd noticed that since your night at the cabin, he had been doing more to show you he cared, even if you weren't exactly communicating outside of mission prep. 

He made you tea.

If you passed him in the halls, or anywhere else in the compound, he'd give you small touches, his own way of showing he was thinking about you.

You remained silent as you listened to the men of your team communicate. Graves was up and ready, Alejandro had wormed his way into the house, violently, as he put it. You had the binoculars raised to your face, watching through them as Ghost watched through the scope of his gun. 

You gasped as the guards at the gate shot at Soap's feet, shoving him to his knees and pushing him to the floor, before throwing a sack over his head, and dragging him into the house.

"They're takin' him in." Ghost whispered.

"Kid's got sand...I hope he makes it." Graves said.

You muted your microphone, not wanting to say something you might regret, or something that comes back to bite you. 

"Stop lettin' him get to you." Ghost said from beside you, eyes forward as he muted himself also.

"Easier said than done, Ghost. He didn't kill your team, or cheat on you."

"No." he said.

"But he hurt you."

You smiled, knowing that he definitely tried to say that quiet enough so that you wouldn't hear. You opened your mouth to make some sort of joke, but he cut you off before you could start.

"I heard you both last night."

You were sat alone in the kitchen, a warm tea sat between your fingers, your night cut short by yet another nightmare. Graves must have heard you get up, because he wandered in, not 10 minutes later.

"I'm sick of the silent treatment, (Y/N). You need to talk to me."

"No, I don't."

"How can you not love me anymore?" he said, moving around the island to stand in front of you. "Three months ago we were engaged!"

"Exactly, Phillip. We were engaged. You killed my team, and made me think it was my fault, you shot my self-esteem and confidence into the ground. And you were shagging the medic!"

"You weren't supposed to know about that."

"Oh so that's okay then? You'd have still married me?"

"I-I was just scared, baby. You were so depressed all the damn time and you wouldn't do anything to help yourself, to help us."

"I'm a soldier, Graves! You have no idea of the things I've seen. I'm so sorry that my issues with nightmares and mourning comrades got in the way of your sex life." you rolled your eyes, shoving him away.

"W-well, you're no better!"

"What?" you laughed.

"You all but fucked Soap on that mission. You and Ghost are being shady as fuck since you got back. You sucked all the dicks of the 141, huh?"

"Even if I have, that's none of your concern."

"You're mine, (Y/N), you always have been and you always will be. You think he can give you want you want? You think he can love you the way you want? The way you need? The guy won't even show his fuckin' face."

"You don't know a thing about him."

"I know he won't make you happy."

"You don't know that. And you don't know a thing about me anymore."

With that, you left Graves in the kitchen, seething in his own despair. He had well and truly lost control, and it was breaking him down.

You frowned, remembering the conversation.

You didn't want Ghost to take Graves' words seriously, and you could only imagine the hurt he may have felt hearing people doubting his heart.

"Ghost-" you turned to him

"S'fine." he grunted.

"I don't believe a word he says, you have to know that."

"He's right, though. 'm no good for ya."

"Don't you think that's my decision to make?" you sighed, as he refused to meet your gaze.

"I'm no good at this shit. Better off alone. Ya should be with someone who can be with you in the way ya want."

"Stop it."

"I don't need the pressure o' being responsible for your feelin's."

"And I don't know what else I can do to make you see that there's no pressure here. If you're feeling pressure, it's 'cause you're the one creating it."

"Ya should move on-"

"I'm a big girl, Ghost. I can make my own fucking decisions."

You cleared your throat, feeling yourself getting more and more upset with every word. But not for yourself, for him...you were enraged. Whoever hurt him has done so beyond repair. Who could hurt someone to the point that they're not sure they can love?

"Everyone's capable of love, Simon. No matter how damaged they are. You don't have to fight alone."

"Don't want you waitin' around for me, I'm not worth it."

He felt tears in his eyes. Ghost never wanted to hurt you, he never wanted to have to push you away. 

But no matter how much he wanted you, he didn't want to hold you back.

"I'd wait for years if I had to." you mumbled, shuffling back into your position, eyes ahead.

You'd said it so quietly, but his expert hearing didn't miss it.

Fucking hell.

His heart hammered in his chest. Despite everything, despite him not being able to be openly affectionate with you, despite him barely even speaking to you, you still wanted him, you still wanted to show him that he could be good.

That he was good.

"Heads up, there's movement." Graves came through the comms.

And sure enough, you raised the binoculars to see Soap being pushed through the hallways by a masked guard, who you assumed to be Alejandro. Other guards were rushing around, and through the scope, Ghost saw Alejandro make the signal for you all to move in.

"Reaper, get down to the gate, it's time to sneak in."

You nodded, pulling your knife out ready, and checked your pistol was loaded, before getting into a crouched position to sneak through the treeline.

"What does a ghost call his girl?" Ghost said quietly, grabbing your hand as you shuffled past him, and you rolled your eyes.

"This really the time for one of your cheesy jokes?" you teased.

"Boo."

You smiled widely under your mask, eyes crinkling in the corners. You looked at him, holding his gaze for a moment, his eyes willing you to be careful, before turning and quickly stealth-ing your way down to the gate, with a little more pep in your step.

[persephonbee]

For me, foraging was the key to getting myself to give vegetables another chance! I used to go weeks without any vegetables and would just leave them on my plate if they somehow made their way onto a plate of mine. With foraging, I didn't have expectations about how things would taste because I've literally never had them before and haven't heard about them, and that helped me view the flavors with an open mind! I always hated spinach, but stinging nettles are weird and cool and make me feel badass to pick and eat, and I'm into the flavor! I've heard it described as a better, earthier spinach. When I first tasted it, I really wanted to like the flavor because they're very cool and also incredibly nutritious, so I was paying attention to the nuances of the flavor and didn't just go "ew, spinach, I already know I hate spinach." Turns out I like it a lot! Also, if you puree it and then freeze it into ice cubes, you can drop one into a smoothie and the taste blends right in and you get SO many nutrients!

Similarly, lamb's quarters (weird name, fully unrelated to lambs, is also called goosefoot) is also delicious and the undersides of the leaves sparkle in the sun, and this motherfucker grows EVERYWHERE. Parking lots, parks, the tiny squares where the trees grow on city sidewalks, everywhere. It also tastes like better spinach, and it turns out I don't actually hate normal spinach either, I just had such bad expectations of it because I Know It Tastes Bad so I always processed it as gross. After eating nettles and lamb's quarters and hearing that spinach tastes similar to them, now I eat them and am like oh, this tastes kind of like nettles! Neat!

You don't need to live in a rural area to forage. You truly can do it in a city. That's how I started.

Now I don't forage as much, but I go to the farmers market and try to find at least one thing that I haven't worked with before, or at least haven't used in a while and haven't explored much, or that's really pretty and gets me hoping that I'll like because of how pretty it is, or that just looks nifty! I like to ask the farmer what the vegetable tastes like and how it's cooked (you can definitely just Google if you want but I've gotten friendly with some of the farmers and so now I enjoy asking them), and then I'll get it and Google recipes for it, and get it home and try it out!

It's been SUPER successful. Using this method, I've discovered that I REALLY like kohlrabi and radishes and honeynut squash and acorn squash and green tomatoes (if you hate the texture of tomatoes normally, try green tomatoes! Much less soft and mushy, almost a little crunchy, and the weird section with the seeds that's kind of slimy is waaaaay smaller! Also the flavor has a really nice freshness to it!) and heirloom tomatoes! I've also discovered that I'm into fresh beets and celeriac and fennel and raddichio and little baby striped eggplants, which I got the first time because they're called fairy eggplants!

I used to HATE kale because I had had it like twice many years ago and the best I could come up with was that if you cover it in enough vinegar, it tastes like vinegar. I was chatting with my favorite produce guy and he had a bunch if kale also that week and I was like ah kale, I wish I liked it, but I've just never been able to get into it. And he was like yeah I used to hate it but my daughter is home from college right now and the other day she sautéed some up with garlic and olive oil and it was actually really good! And I was like you know what? It's been a decade since I tried it, and I didn't try that method, and fuck it, if I hate it then I've only wasted $3 and if I like it then a whole new vegetable opens up, I'll get some and give it a shot. And it turns out to be good like that, and also really good in a pesto with other greens!

My second most hated vegetable used to be broccoli. Last week, I got some broccolini on a whim, because I had heard it could be roasted nicely and I was planning on making something that involved roasting a bunch of vegetables and putting it on couscous, and so there was room for me to try broccolini and then just not put it on there if I didn't like it. Turns out it's AMAZING. Salted it well, roasted it until crispy, and it was one of the best parts of the dish.

Also, did you know they've changed Brussels sprouts? The type that used to be around was very bitter, but several years ago they bred it to be less bitter and yummier and now any Brussels sprouts you get are gonna be the new better ones, AND NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME. If you haven't tried them in a few years, grab some. Cut them in half, toss them with olive oil and salt, put them on a baking sheet, and roast them in the oven. It's a whole new experience.

When I was growing up, my mom's attitude toward vegetables was that they suck and are gonna taste bad regardless so there's no point in "making them less healthy" by adding butter or salt or dressing (which is also misinformed diet culture bullshit about), so vegetables were steamed or boiled or microwaved and you forced them down and then got on to eating the stuff that actually might taste good which could have butter and salt and seasonings and stuff. I later mentioned this to a friend and he looked confused and said "so you ate vegetables like you were taking shots?" I hadn't thought of it like that before, but he was absolutely right. And obviously I'm not going to force myself to eat yucky things if I have the option of just making the yummy stuff.

The healthiest vegetables are the vegetables that you actually eat. If that means they're covered in butter or cheese or ranch or eaten on a chip or fried or literally whatever, they're STILL the healthiest vegetables. Broccoli cheddar soup that you eat is infinitely healthier than broccoli sitting in the produce drawer until it goes moldy and is thrown away. Salsa and chips is gets vegetables into you, but a rotten tomato in the trash doesn't.

I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I work in mental health and know enough to know that I very likely am Autistic and have/had ARFID, and there was a while where I was essentially living on plain white rice and candy because it was all I could get myself to eat, and I actually was pre-diabetic for a while because of it. If you haven't tried foraging or farmers markets yet, or haven't tried them in a while, it really is worth a shot.

Now I eat vegetables every day and it's not a struggle and I enjoy it. It was worth the time and energy, it really was.

i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet.

[animangatea]

how often do you agree to a thread just to be polite? // never, can't afford to do that anymore and i'd hate to waste the other person's time. i used to do it a lot because i hated being "mean" but i've stopped within the last year or two because i figure i'd rather politely decline than write and not have my heart in it. how the other person reacts has varied but i find most people are normal about it. the few who openly weren't though...well, that's on them. it sucks for both of us but i feel like ultimately i'm doing both me and them a favor like i said.

are you ever genuinely excited or invested in characters on a site *outside of the usual group you roll with? i've noticed lately that most charries made put me to sleep LOL // usually, yeah! i try to give everyone a fair shot, i don't have a large group of people i roll with, more like just a friend or two anyway. i try my best to branch out from them because i want to because what's the point in joining a group just to write with the same people? may as well just be private at that point! believe it or not i hate clique mentality but sometimes i just tend to fall into it because it's easy to. i wouldn't say i ever get invested in anyone else's character on an extreme level but there's bound to be ones i gravitate more to / show more interest in than some. i think that's normal for everyone!

do you personally feel things are getting smaller and quieter/dying? // despite what people say and how they deny it, yeah. i've felt it more in recent years and it's getting more palpable as the years go by. granted, as i got older i knew all of us wouldn't be here forever. i've seen a lot of people come and go for varying reasons so i don't believe there's a direct cause for it but i do have a couple reasons as to why i think it's dying. 1) the obvious we've chased people out / deterred them from wanting to come around. unfortunately it's happened. on how large a scale though nobody can say for sure but i believe it's happened. it's unfortunate, but it's okay to admit that. 2) we locked out teens from getting into the hobby. this one i think is our fault but we had good intentions in doing it. yeah, a lot of us entered this hobby as teens but a ton of us were also taken advantage of by adults so we're trying to stop that from happening. a lot of people's way of protecting minors is just excluding them entirely and whether you think that's right or not varies but i'm more in the middle on it. i don't want to be responsible for kids on the internet, i also don't want to write with kids personally. i am one of those people who was preyed on by adults in the writing space as a teen and i just don't want to ever have that potentially happen to anyone else so i'd rather just cut them off so that it lessens the chance of it happening. yes i know this isn't a fix-all, yes i know there's bound to be some who lie about their age but i'm not sure how to fix it, but i know how i can minimize it, i guess. 3) generally people have moved on for one reason or another. chased out, aged out, don't find it interesting/fun anymore etc. 4) the quality of writing is criticized more now. now, i know nobody wants to write with "shitty" writers and i'm with you but i also think we're a little too hard on people sometimes. i think as a whole, it's very brave to write in public and putting yourself out there means something. that said, if i feel like someone's quality of writing isn't up to my standard then i will turn my nose up at them, for better or worse. it's probably detered a lot of people and sometimes i do find myself feeling a little bad about it but i don't think i'll ever change this about myself and i'm sure lots of other people won't either so i'll just make my bed and lie in it.

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