#and now you have to deal with my bullshit

[mintmatcha]

I am so soft for father figure Shinsou, thank you for giving me something I didn’t know I needed. Just doing everyday things with him and him being soft towards you child is giving me life.

Casual. That's the word you used to describe what the meeting should be. Casual.

"He's a good boy, for the most part." Your bag is already stuffed full of toys and towels and other miscellaneous things that Shinso can't imagine you'll need. "His dad spoils him, so he might be a little bratty at first- we're working on it. Well, I'm working on it. His dad is--"

You kneel down and start rummaging through your things.

"Uh, don't let him guilt you into buying him snacks, please. He's got a severe nut and seed allergy and it's just easier if I take care of it all. There's snacks in here, along with two epipens. There's two more in the red cabinet in the kitchen, just in case we ever need them. "

Somehow, you manage to wiggle out the sunscreen for your bag without collapsing the whole pile. You dollop a bit on your fingers.

"Once they get here, we'll go straight to the park and hang out there for just a little bit. The book says the first meeting should be short and we should give him other things to focus out so he doesn't stress out." Your shoulders are bunched by your ears. "It'll be super casual. Easy. No stress."

Shinso kneels down next to you and dips a finger in the sunscreen.

"No stress," Shinso repeats back, dotting the sunscreen on your nose. It's enough to urge a smile out of you.

"Sorry, I know I'm--" You toss your hands in the air, frazzled, but with a smile. "This is a big deal."

"I know it is."

"We've only been dating for eight months," you say/ "What if we're jumping the gun? I don't want to put him through this if-"

"I'm not planning on breaking up with you." Ever. Shinso wouldn't have agreed to this if he wasn't completely sure that you were the one for him. It's not that he doesn't like children, it's that he's never spent time with any. Only child, no cousins: he doesn't know anything about kids other than the fact he used to be one.

You reach other and dot Shinso's nose with sunscreen. Now, you're matching.

"You might break up with me after you see what I'm dealing with."

Shinso takes your hand. "I'm not going to leave because you have a kid."

"I was talking about his father," you heave out a sigh. "They'll probably be late, by the way."

-

They are late.

Significantly.

It's six hours past the allotted time, filled with weak excuses from you. The television has rolled into the second season of some trashy show, but neither of you are really watching.

"He always loses track of time," you repeat for the twentieth time, trying to hide the disappointment in your voice. Shinso is long past disappointed, well into the area of 'pissed'. Mostly at your ex, partially at you, for letting it happen.

"He's still not calling you back?"

"No," you say, just like you've said before. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have let him know about you, he's just-- I dunno. Playing games with me again."

It contextualizes a lot of your behaviors, actually. The anxiety about getting home, the days you go radio silent, the dates where you suddenly have to run off and collect your child: he imagines there's a lot of bullshit games that happen between you two.

"You let him treat you like this?"

"He's my baby's father. I can't just..."

[beef-brisket]

Angel: ...shit- okay. We fuck up all 900 of them!

Adam chuckes: I love the confidence, Angel, but it won't be that simple. Only Heaven could take down a hoard that big. And no offense, love. But one hit with an angelic weapon would do a decent amount of damage to you.

Lucifer narrowed his eyes.

Adam: And there will be 900 sinners after you at once. This is dangerous. For all of us.

Charlie was pacing: So- what do we do?! Alastor is dead, Eve is... who knows where! And Heaven- they want us dead just as much!

Adam: I know where Eve is.

Everyone turned to look at Adam.

Charlie: W-What? You do? Adam, she hasn't be seen in thousands of years!

Lute huffed and rolled her eyes: I wish.

Adam: Hush, Lute. You have all met Eve. Well, most of you have. She was here a year ago. Ivy, she goes by now.

Angel: Whoa- wait. You married Eve?! The second woman!? Eve- Eve!?

Adam: Yes, Angel. THE Eve. And trust me, she's not all she cracked up to be.

Angel: Huh... I can see why you're jealous, Lute.

Lute: Jealous!? Of what?

Angel: You've had a thing for Adam for ages! I could tell the moment he snapped you here!

Adam grinned and smugly looked at Lute. He knew about her feelings for him, especially when she was an overlord. And yes, he messed around with her once to get into her good books. But that was all their relationship was.

Adam needed a powerful friend who wasn't a complete maniac. Which Adam later learned wasn't accurate for Lute. She could be insane when she wanted to be.

Lute: I have no feelings for him, but distain! He stole my fucking soul! After everything I fucking did for him!

Adam: Calm down, Lute. It's all water under the bridge-.

Lute: No, it's not! You cheated! We bet our souls- and my contracts! You cheated!

Lute was in Adam's face, who was now glaring and snarling at her.

Adam: Watch your tone, bitch. I'm not in the fucking mood to deal with your bullshit.

Lute: Bite me, Adam! I don't give a fuck what mood you're in. This has been a long time fucking coming-!

Everyone gasped as Adam picked Lute up by her neck and slammed her into the bar, breaking the counter and smashing the bottles.

Adam: I've had enough of your attitude, bitch! I never cheated! You just couldn't handle the fact I bet you at your own game~.

Charlie quickly walked over to Adam and tugged on his arm.

Charlie: Adam! Stop- please!

Adam glared down at Lute, who was bleeding and shaking. He let go of her and stood up, straightening his jacket.

Adam: Sorry about that, everyone. But it was about time I put her in her place. Isn't that right, Lute~?

Lute quickly nodded. She stiffened as Adam bent down and pulled her to her feet.

Adam: I'm sorry I had to embarrass you like that, Lute. But I do not tolerate disrespect.

Lute only nodded and wiped the blood from her nose. She silently stepped aside as Peter ran over and started to pick up the bits of glass and wood.

Lucifer: Adam. That was uncalled for.

Adam tensed and looked at his partner: Love, I have a reputation to uphold, especially with my contracts.

Lucifer sighed and walked over to Lute and started to heal her.

Lowkey want an au where Adam has Alastors' powers.

The tentacles

The eyes

The changing size

The shadows

The sass

The deal making

Him owning Husk and Nifty

The musical numbers

The radio control

The tentacles- have I mentioned that before?

The rivalry with Lucifer

Maybe he replaces Alastor entirely. No Alastor. Only Adam. It's always been Adam.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

Only Adam lol This is good! His Husk and Nifty could be Lute and Peter.

He doesn't have to smile all the time does he?

Yessss, and he plays rock instead of jazz lol And yes of course there is a rivalry lol

[escapedaudios]

God I need to bullshit another reason to get Scythe Audio to do heavy metal screams and growls in one of my audios again. If he wasn't already playing the Grimest Reaper in My True Love is Dead I'd invent a metal-themed slasher for him to play. Slash's gallery of rivals is already full of quirky villains with themes and gimmicks. A heavy metal slasher would actually rule.

Maybe I could just ressurect the lead singer of Bruderhof Death Machine as a ghoul and upgrade him from a side character that died after two minutes to a full character.

Uhhh ok I'm entering a stream of consciousness now. I'm gonna yap about My True Love is Dead. So far I have a few official character estsblishesd.

Killer Ride (aka the Route 66 Killer)

Motorcycle themed villain. She rides a ghoulish motorbike with a frame of bones called The Murdercycle. It's gas tank is filled with the tormented souls of her victims, and it's powered by their eternal screams. When the revs up her engine, you hear them wailing alongside the roaring sound of the engine. Her main weapon is a whip made from an oversized motorcycle chain with a dagger at the end, when she cracks her whip it moves faster than a bullet and makes sonic booms as it strikes. Her biker jscket has shoulder pads made from human skulls. She's campy and outrageous and larger than life cool and I love her even though she only exists in my outlines right now.

The Ace of Blades (aka the Great Plains Killer)

A rebellious slasher that defies the mandates of the Grimest Reaper. He's unspeakably evil. He spent 100 years in hell before his first ressurection as a ghoul. He spent so long in hell that hell itself follows him wherever he goes. Cracks bursting with flames and magma open in the ground where he steps. His weapons are two flaming sabers and his deceased victims follow him around as possesed skeletons and zombies bound to his vile will. They rise from the ground where his feet split the earth, and beg for death as they carry out his orders. He's the final boss and so unbelievably evil that even slashers find him despicable. Killer of virgins, killer of killers, and killer of all witnesses. There are no legends about him among mortals, because no one has ever survived him.

Demon Candy Undead (aka the Underground Killer)

Demon Candy, returned to life as a ghoul and servant of the Reaper. Enthusiastically obedient to the mandates of the Grimest Reaper, even more deranged and cruel than she was in life. Enamored by spectacle and flair, she records and disseminates her murders through VHS tapes that she leaves around for people to find. Dazzling and darkly glamorous, she's a charismatic showman that turns her cruelty into entertainment for the sick and twisted. Believers in her legend idolize her in a cult-like fashion, and capture living victims that they leave as offerings for her to collect and trap in her cruel games.

The Grimest Reaper

The master of Slash and The Basher. He never breaks a promise or a deal, but always makes sure that deals are in his favor. One of the only characters that is aware of worlds outside of his own. All universes have a Reaper. Some are kind ferrymen between life and death, others are cruel forces of terror. He is the most cruel one of them all. All who serve him must obey his mandates, or else be hunted down by his other servants with their souls devoured by him.

Some other reapers exist in my other universes! You've already seen one. Father Ernst from Der Wolfsjäger is an Angel of Death, though he'll never admit it to a mortal. It's only ever implied shortly before he appears, when Jäger explains that you can hear a holy choir of the dead singing when Death is near. Swan Song from Neon Memoriam is also a Reaper. She hasn't appeared directly yet, but she's been around. When Raven was dying in Neon Wings, she was there. The only reason Raven didn't die was because Crow was keeping her from taking Raven's soul, even though he didn't know it yet.

[podsprout]

malevolent TMA crossover where it’s MAG 195 Adrift Jon (picking up Basira in his rowboat) and then sometime between Part 7 and 9 of Malevolent either heading to the island or leaving it (post being arrested and then half-drowned and mostly died and then also being a little boat)

Idk what happens exactly but Jon is rowing and Arthur is rowing and then they see each other (well John sees Jon but you get what I mean) and idk what kind of conversation they have but Jon is probably fascinated by what these two have going on and Arthur is still learning to grow tough to the horrors (and and also just mostly died) so he really doesn’t have it in him to deal with eye avatar bullshit.

John is like. “Arthur… something about this man isn’t right… Jesus Christ Arthur his eyes!”

And Arthur is like “Hey are you actively about to drown me or hurt me?”

Jon: “uh no? Why would I do that”

Arthur: “do you work for evil eldritch gods that’s typically why people want me dead these days.”

Jon: “….well, I mean, technically,”

John: “Arthur we need to kill him!”

Arthur: “yeah so even if I wanted to do that, which I don’t, I don’t think i have the energy for that. I am barely hanging on as is. I couldn’t fight a kitten right now.”

John: “but aOrthur he’s dangerous!! He works for the King in Yellow!”

Jon: “…I can hear you. Both of you. Just so you know. Also who the fuck is—wait I just learned—okay wait WHAT—“

And then they puzzle over the liminal space between worlds that is this body of water, misunderstandings get cleared up, Arthur is very happy to talk to an Englishman (or anyone really) that doesn’t want to kill him, and Jon empathizes with Arthur still in season one of his horror podcast protag Journey and is endlessly fascinated by whatever dynamic John and Arthur have going on.

And then Jon leaves like “yeah sorry gotta go pick up a cop…friend? Cop acquaintance. Of mine. To gave backup to go to the evil house and save my boyfriend from a spider woman.”

And I mean what do Arthur and John even have to say to that? Jon doesn’t know shit about who John is or how to help them or anything bc that’s not knowledge the Eye has seen but he’s like yeah good luck and then they rowboat away.

[bitethedemon]

Daggers, Poison, and Shiny Things (Lucanis x Reader x Illario): Chapter 3

<-Last Chapter

Link to this fic on AO3

Tags: Slow burn, De Riva Reader, Eventual Smut, Messy Love Triangles

Fic summary: You lost everything in Rivain: your family, your home, and your hopes of ever becoming a seer. Treviso offered you revenge, but you were not prepared for the loneliness you would find amongst the Crows. The busiest assassin in Antiva became your only friend. That is, until he died and left you alone to pick up the pieces of yourself and his devastated cousin.

Imagine then, that your dead old flame shows up after a year, very much alive, with a very loud demon at his side and a hot new boss, while you have to explain that you are now dating his cousin. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

WARNING: NSFW Content, Toxic Relationships, Baby-trapping

“How do you work like this?” Viago asked and gestured to your worktable in the laboratory. “No order, ingredients thrown around, solution on the table. River…”

“Good morning to you too,” you mumbled. “There is order to my chaos.”

“A moronic thing to say,” Viago said and started sorting through your mess. “There is no order to chaos. That is why it is called chaos.”

He sighed and swore under his breath in Antivan as he began tidying up your workspace. It had been Viago’s laboratory once. He was a master poison-maker, the best the Crows had to offer, but now he left most of the grunt work to you. 

He looked at you out of the corner of his eye as he tidied up.

“What is you and Illario’s deal?” he asked.

You briefly looked up at him.

“I thought you didn’t care about my love life…”

“I don’t,” he said quickly. “But you are a de Riva. If something is going on, it will reflect badly on all of us. I would simply like to know in advance of the rumors.”

It was all bullshit, of course. Viago was big on gossip even though he acted like he was above it. His nose was solidly planted in everyone’s business.

“Why would you assume that whatever is going on is bad?” you asked. “What have you heard?”

“Nothing…” he said with a frown and a shrug.

He poured a healthy dose of various poisons into his morning coffee. He placed them in front of you afterwards. It was something he had urged you to do when you started working as a poison-maker. A little each day so that you could build up tolerance for your own poisons. You started measuring and pouring a little from each vial into your own cup.

“Although—”

There it was.

“I have seen him walking around slightly inebriated these last couple of days, and Teia swore she saw him flirting with someone a couple of days ago.”

You sighed deeply. Illario really was pissed at what you had said. 

“What do you want me to do about it?” you asked a bit too sharply.

“Well do something,” Viago said and sipped his coffee. “You will look like an idiot if people see him going behind your back. It is shameful.”

“He’s the idiot.”

“Okay, you are both idiots,” he said with a shrug. “Are you happy? Fix it.”

“He proposed to me,” you said calmly.

Viago choked violently on his coffee. He coughed and waved his finger around in the air to signify that he definitely had something to say about that once he was done dying.

“Don’t he dare,” he wheezed in a firm tone and coughed again. “Don’t you dare. I did not invest all this time in you for you to become a Dellamorte. Not that any of the families would approve. Is he—”

“I know,” you said. “I told him that too. I didn’t say yes, obviously. I’m not stupid…Don’t tell anyone.”

Viago opened his mouth to start ranting again before the door to the laboratory opened. It was Lucanis.

“This conversation isn’t over,” Viago said to you before grabbing his coffee and leaving.

He shut the door behind him. Lucanis looked from the door to you.

“Trouble?”

“When isn’t there?” you said with a sigh and then looked up at him with a smile. “Hi.”

He gave you a small smile and walked over to you. He placed a tin container on the table.

“I brought you food,” Lucanis said. “Couscous with mint and bell peppers.”

Your smile widened. It warmed your heart. You had missed his attempts at making Rivaini food dearly. It always tasted amazing, even though it had that distinct Antivan taste that he never quite managed to fix. Not that you ever had the heart to tell him.

“That’s so nice of you,” you said. “I haven’t had Rivaini food in ages, actually. How do you find time to cook when you’re doing…whatever it is you and your new allies are doing?”

He leaned on the edge of the table and looked at what you were doing.

“I don’t sleep,” he said with a shrug. “I try to do something productive with the time.”

You looked up at him. He did look like he had not slept in days. There were dark circles under his eyes.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” you asked with slight worry in your tone.

“Spite,” he said. “He takes over my body when I sleep. So, I don’t.”

You nodded and could not help looking at Spite. He looked as if he was simply listening in on the conversation, though he was observing you intensely. Lucanis cleared his throat in an awkward manner. You blinked and turned your attention back to him.

“Sorry,” you said and shook your head. “He’s difficult to ignore.”

“You are telling me,” Lucanis said with a tired smile.

He most likely wasn’t fond of you seeing him that way, or he was scared of how Spite might act if given too much attention. You decided to change the subject since he seemed uncomfortable.

“Why are you in Treviso?”

He tilted his head slightly.

“Illario didn’t tell you?” he asked.

You weren’t sure if you should tell him that you two were having trouble. Lucanis sure didn’t need more things to worry about, so you simply shook your head.

“He has some information for us,” Lucanis explained. “We are supposed to meet with him at Café Pietra.”

We. 'We', meaning him and Rook. They were just casually going to one of Lucanis’ favorite places in Treviso. That didn’t bother you in the least, obviously…

“Right…” you said quietly.

Then silence fell over both of you. You both just stood there for a moment. It was hard to put a finger on it, but everything was so just odd between the two of you. As if there was an invisible wall between you that hadn’t ever been there before. You hated it.

“Right,” you repeated and scratched your neck awkwardly.

You moved to one of the many bookshelves along the wall to pull out a book. It was one of those he had once given you. You looked through it and bookmarked two chapters with strips of paper before handing it over to him.

“Here,” you said. “You can borrow this. There are a few chapters on seer meditation and how to move out of trance after a possession. I don’t know…It might be helpful.”

He smiled when he recognized the book as one of the ones he gave you.

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” you said and smiled back at him.

“NO BOOK. Help. Us,” Spite hissed. “River is SAFE. Help Lucanis. FREE US!”

Lucanis’ eyes closed and his jaw clenched for a moment.

 “I…need to go. Good luck with Viago,” he said.

“NO!” Spite hissed in frustration.

You nodded and watched him leave in slight puzzlement. Free…us? You couldn’t stop wondering what Spite had meant by that. Something more was going on than just an unruly spirit.

You were tired. You had just closed down the laboratory and were on your way home. You heard close steps behind you and then an arm wrapped around your waist. You jumped slightly and turned to see Teia smiling up at you.

“River…” she said in a low, conspiratorial tone. “One of my fledgling’s just came back here from the bar down the street. The Sun.”

You knew of the Setting Sun, of course. It was Illario’s favorite spot to drink himself into a stupor. You already had a hunch were this was going.

“Yeah?”

“They saw Illario practically eating the face of some poor girl down there. It would just be a shame if you caught him red-handed.”

You felt a flare of anger in your stomach. Your jaw clenched and you looked at Teia.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Give him my best regards,” she said with a smile. “Don’t go easy on him.”

There were so many excuses. Illario could not quite figure out if he should play the victim card or the aggressive card. He was drunk, of course, so that did not help in the least. You had found him with the girl sitting on his lap. Now you were loudly arguing outside the bar.

“You are no different from everyone else,” he snapped at you. “You don’t love me. I am just the next best thing to him, isn’t that it?”

“If I wanted to be with Lucanis, you and I would not be together!” you yelled at him. “You have humiliated me. How stupid do you think I am, Illario?”

“I have humiliated you?” he hissed. “Do you think it is not humiliating to know that you will ever only see me in his shadow? That you will not even marry me?”

“I won't marry you because it is a ridiculous idea,” you snapped back. “Don’t you play the victim with me right now. You went behind my back.”

“As if you have only ever been upfront with me,” he said with a scoff. “Don’t you think I notice how you look at him? How you still pine after him? I hope I was a good replacement until the real thing came back.”

“Oh, shut up,” you gritted out in frustration.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” he said bitterly. “Hm? He still visits you as if nothing has happened. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“You weren’t a fucking replacement!” you snapped at him. “Lucanis and I are still friends, yes, but I love you. We needed each other at a moment in our lives when we both had nothing, and I am loyal to that. Which is why it hurts so much to see that you cannot pay the same respect to me.”

He sneered at you. He ran his hand over his face, shook his head, and sighed.

“It doesn’t matter…” he said with a bitter scoff. “You are going to leave me. Everyone does eventually. My parents, Lucanis, Caterina, and now you. It doesn’t matter what I do.”

He was playing dirty with his sad eyes and bitter tone. It pissed you off to no end. You groaned in frustration and kicked the wall behind you hard. Gods, you wanted to strangle him sometimes.

You closed your eyes, took a few deep breaths, and then looked at him.

You shouldn’t forgive him. You were better than that. Had you been back in your village in Rivain and had you two been married, he would have been shunned from the community for what he just did. You really shouldn’t…

You gave another frustrated groan and then walked up to him until you were in his face.

“If I ever catch you with another woman again, you will wish that I had left you now,” you growled at him. “You humiliate me like this again, Illario, and not even death will give you peace from my anger. Do you understand?”

It was clear in his eyes that he was torn between whether he should let you speak to him like that or if he should simply agree with you. He had not seen this side of you like this before and it clearly threw him for a loop. You were raised in a society where a man should feel honored if a woman like you looked at him twice. Illario grew up in a society that told him that everyone should bow and scrape around him.

He eventually gave you a curt nod and put his hands on your hips. You slapped his hands away.

“You reek of her,” you said with utter disdain.

You turned and walked home, leaving him there alone.

You had removed the key to your house from where it usually was hidden. You did not want to even look at him. You were tired and you were pissed off.

Of course, removing the key did nothing more but send a message that you did not want him there. Illario found a way inside anyway, to no surprise. It was late in the evening when you heard some commotion from your bedroom. You grabbed a knife from your kitchen before going upstairs.

You swung the door open and pointed the knife at him.

“No,” you said firmly and pointed to the window he had come from with the knife. “Go.”

He looked like he had somewhat sobered up since you had yelled at him a few hours ago. He was not impressed with the knife. He knew as well as you did that you had never been good with them. His expression said as much when he looked down at the knife and then smiled at you in slight amusement.

You raised a brow in challenge and slammed the knife down on the top of the drawer beside you. A flash of fire emerged from your hand instead. He frowned slightly then.

“Don’t be like that,” he said.

“I have nothing more to say to you tonight, Illario,” you said. “Leave. I am not playing this game with you.”

“I am not here to play games, love,” he said in an almost pleading tone. “I thought we agreed to put it to rest. You’re sorry, I’m sorry… I just wanted to see you. We’re fine, no?”

Gods, he could be so thickheaded sometimes. You glared at him.

“So let us move on,” he said and slowly walked towards you. “I’ve missed you...”

You did not extinguish the flame in your hand. His eyes flicked from it to you.

“We both know you won’t throw that.”

The flame grew bigger, and your fingers twitched. He took a small step back.

“What do you want me to do? Hm?” he said with a hint of frustration.

“What do I want?” you repeated his question in an irritated voice. “I want you to leave, Illario. Instead, you are here acting as if everything is completely fine. As if you wouldn’t have fucked that girl, had I not intervened.”

“River, amore,” he said in an exasperated voice as if what you were saying was unreasonable. “We talked about this. I was in a bad state of mind. It should never have happened. I told you.”

“I need time.”

He sighed and looked from the flame to your face again. You saw how he relaxed his body language, and you had been around enough assassins to know it was a ruse. You tensed and readied yourself to move away.

He got ahold of you before you could even flinch. He wrapped his arms around both of yours and forced your arms down, making you to extinguish the flame so as to not set fire to yourself. He turned you around and wrapped one arm loosely around your neck and the other tightly around your middle and arms.

“You are cute when you’re jealous,” he spoke into your ear. “Please, love. Don’t be like this.”

You gave a low, irritated groan at his words. It wasn’t his first time pissing you off and then trying to fix it with honeyed words like this. You just felt stupid that it always somehow worked on you.

He slowly kissed his way from your neck to your ear.

“It was hot when you yelled at me earlier,” he said and bit the lobe of your ear. “I’ve missed you so much…”

He pressed himself against your ass and you felt that familiar stir of arousal in your stomach. You cursed yourself for giving in so easily. He loosened his grip on you when he felt you becoming calmer. You turned around to face him.

“Never again,” you said firmly.

“Never…” he agreed.

You sighed. You leaned forward and kissed him. He smiled against your lips and began walking you backwards towards the bed.

He pushed you gently to sit on the bed and started unbuttoning his pants. You sighed internally but took the hint when he started running his hand through your hair. You really ought to bite it off, you morbidly thought to yourself as you started to kiss your way up his shaft, it would save you so many problems with this man.

His breath hitched when your lips closed around him. His grip on your hair tightened slightly when you did. His thumb ran gently over your ear.

“You are so beautiful like this,” he murmured. “Don’t stop.”

You didn’t. You took him as deep as you could go without gagging, eliciting a low groan from him.

You knew this little dance of yours, because you had done it so many times. Illario was a selfish lover. You didn’t particularly mind taking care of him like this, but it was slightly infuriating at times like these where he had been an asshole. Still, you liked making him feel good.

He pulled out of your mouth after a while and helped you out of your clothes. He grabbed your hips and turned you so that you were on all fours in front of him. He ran his fingers over your folds, teasing your clit for only a moment before one of his fingers entered you. You were already wet, which in Illario’s head meant that not much more foreplay was needed.

His fingers pressed into the soft flesh of your hips before he sank his cock into you with a groan. He leaned down to kiss your back. His hands moved from your sides to your chest to play with your tits. He began driving into you in a slow steady rhythm.

“You are mine, aren’t you?” he mumbled into your ear.

“Yes,” you moaned.

He groaned and his thrusts became quicker.

“And you won’t leave me,” he said breathlessly as he moved. “When I become First Talon, we will get married, and no one will be able to take you from me.”

You were used to Illario babbling nonsense when fucking you. You mostly tuned it out, but the First Talon thing was a new one. His thrusts became deeper and harder. He leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“You should have seen how he eye-fucked that elven girl the other day,” he hissed into your ear. “I doubt he ever flirted with you like that. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did.”

You bit the inside of your cheek and tried your hardest to ignore him. He was close. You knew it from the way he bit your neck and shoulders. Your hand went to your clit and you started rubbing it in circles. He fucked you harder, and with your own help, you managed to come half a second before he did.

Though this time, he did not pull out like he had done millions of times before. You panicked when he bottomed out and came deep inside you.

“Are you fucking stu—”

He grabbed you in a way that made sure you couldn’t move, and he pressed you facedown down into the mattress.

“I’m serious about this, River,” he growled into your ear. “I want you.”

You winced as the contents of the bottle violated your tastebuds and went down your throat. You had to make a potion that would ensure you did not get pregnant from Illario’s spontaneous desire for fatherhood. Everything was such a mess right now. What the fuck was up with him these days?

Viago entered at some point and started speaking at you: Something, something, remember to request new ingredients, something, something, five batches behind.

“Are you listening, River?”

“No,” you mumbled absentmindedly.

“I would ask if your ears were for decoration, but I have seen how they look and know that cannot be the case,” Viago chided harshly. “What is wrong with you?”

“So many things,” you mumbled tiredly and started noting down ingredients on a piece of paper. “I’m only three batches behind. I’ll get the remaining two done today.”

“Hey,” Viago said and snapped his fingers in front of your face to catch your attention. “You are not focused. What happens when we are not focused?”

“Mistakes.”

“Correct,” he said, and his tone softened slightly. “Is this because of Illario? Teia told me of his little…fling. I did tell you to do something.”

“We made up,” you said absentmindedly.

You could almost hear Viago roll his eyes across the room. As if he and Teia were any better...

You turned to face him. You needed to talk to someone. You had three someones: Illario, Lucanis, and Viago. One was the problem, the other was riddled with other problems, so there was just Viago left.

“He’s sure he’ll become First Talon,” you said. “Like dead sure. It’s weird.”

“Illario? First Talon?” Viago let out a rare laugh. “Are you serious?”

“It’s weird, don’t you think?” you said, putting the thoughts that had swirled around in your head since he first mentioned it into words. “I mean Caterina just died, his cousin just came back, and now he has mentioned it to me twice.”

“Why does he think that?” Viago asked. “We both know that if another Dellamorte were to take the place of First Talon after Caterina, it would not be Illario.”

“I didn’t ask,” you said with a shrug. “But it’s weird.”

“Someone says something like that, and you don’t think to ask?” Viago asked with a scoff. “He could be planning something.”

“Well, please do forgive me,” you said sarcastically. “Illario was in the middle of proposing the first time he said it, and the second time, he was inside me. It didn’t really seem like the time to bring it up.”

Viago’s face soured as if he had just taken a bite of something utterly disgusting. He raised his finger at you.

“Don’t ever say those words in that order to me ever again,” he said.

You smiled. Making Viago uncomfortable was one of the few joys in life. It was painfully easy.

“I will send someone to sniff around a bit,” he said. “Keep this between us for now, yes?”

You nodded.

[pyjamaart]

Every time someone complains about Fully Charged Airmans design, my love for him grows even stronger.

I feel like most people are mad that he isn't blue. Like back in 2014 when people complained that Sonics arms were blue in Sonic Boom. But I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal.

But if you see Fully Charged as an alternate universe to the classic series (which it is), then I don't really get why you'd have to complain about Airman not being blue. I think it's good they tried something fresh with the robot masters. They didn't have that much personality in the classic series, to be honest, compared to Fully Charged. I just think he needed a little more screen time to focus on his character. Just like many other robot masters on this show.

Okay, I have to admit, I did change around his colors a bit for a joke that would have gone along the lines of "Just hire fans, lol", but it actually ended up looking pretty cool, so I can't really make that joke anymore……. Really shot myself in the foot with that one. Anyway, here's blue Airman:

I still think that an episode featuring an air race would have been really really cool. They could have introduced a robot master like Gyroman as his rival. Maybe losing that race could have been the start of his character arc where he finally confronts his inferiority/superiority complex. Along the lines of "Flying is all I have left! If I can't have that, what else am I supposed to do?" Well, now that we're already in headcanon territory, I might as well tell you about all my other ones involving Airman. I believe his family is suuuuper rich. All his siblings have well respected careers and probably make his parents buckets of money. Meanwhile Airman is like the youngest sibling who dreamed of becoming a professional racer, which his parents didn't support at all. Kinda reminds me of another robot master under Lord Obsidians command whose dreams were crushed by his parents......

And as we've seen in that one episode, Airmans siblings are assholes. They just pretend he doesn't exist, like he never belonged to their family at all. Like they're ashamed that he's such a failure.

Oh damn that got dark again, sorry. But just like Drillman, he gets better in the end. While Drillman gets Woodman to look out for him, I've had the headcanon for a while that Airman gets taken in by Blastowoman, since she's also a flying robot master like him. Maybe she even gets him a job as a cargo bot alongside herself. I feel like he really needs someone supportive who's not afraid to call him out on his bullshit in his life. And because I have another headcanon that Blastowoman actually has an adult child (Blastman, lol), she's like the perfect woman for the job. ;)

Coming back to Airmans design, I did change some things about it for this particular piece of fan art. When I was trying to come up with an awesome pose to draw him in, the first thought I had was "Damn, I gotta give this man some heels." And that's exactly what I drew.

Sorry for not posting anything for 2 months btw. I got addicted to Metaphor ReFantazio ;) If that doesn't become game of the year, I'm gonna be real mad.

Jenny out.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

15 Days BL Challenge (Part 1)

You can find the original post here.

Day 5: The biggest Flop

It's hard to get me dislike a series. I usually drop series because I either find them boring or because I can't deal with the storytelling or the writing or the acting. But usually I don't have a strong connection with those series or a strong feeling for them. So for this biggest flop I choose a series, that I had really high hopes for, which started good and just went in the wrong direction for me, that I couldn't stand it anymore. I loved the first season, so I was going into this series with fondness and high hopes. But it made me fall on my face so hard because of the miserable script that I still have bruises on my face.

Some people might not like it, but... for me it's Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2.

There are definitely bad BLs. I think Check Out or Dinosaur Love are great examples of those bad bls, but I had absolutely no expectation of these series. It was different with Minato 2. I loved the first season and was totally excited when we got the second season. And then it wasn't good...

There are two generations that collide in Shin and Akira. Shin is proud of his love and wants to show that they both belong together. He is not afraid of the world because he has not experienced any negative experience because of his sexuality yet. He experiences the world from a not-so-conservative lens, especially since his parents have agreed to let him live with Akira until the apartment is renovated. Akira has grown up in a more conservative world and has always hidden away until now. He is slowly letting himself be carried away by Shin, but it takes time. Such a learned behavior, and especially mindset, can't be changed overnight.

That were my thoughts after episode 3. I was excited to get more of this growth of both of them together. I wanted to see their lives and how they work together with each other, how their love growth and how they overcome their differences and the internal homophobia. But instead we got an amnesia plot…

I am just so exhausted in hoping the story would go in a direction I could at least understand the writers. But I can't anymore... why couldn't we get a story about Shin and Akira living their best life after moving in together. Both dealing with their issues. Some drama at work or jealousy bullshit would have been better than this amnesia-storyline. I would have loved to see Akira finally grow - together with Shin, not because he needs to, because otherwise he might lose him, but because he wants to be with him and he wants to be his partner and because he finally overcame at least the problem with the age difference. I am so not happy with what the writers have done to them. And I still watch it... if it wasn't Minato and my love for the first season, I would have dropped this one a few episodes ago...

And these were my thoughts after episode 11. The writers really did the characters and the story dirty. I have nothing more to say.

Me while watching this show:

So yeah, that was one of the biggest flops for me.

[mcrcki]

"you know that's not what i fucking mean, xaden, don't fucking start with that--" they were only feeding off each other, and despite violet knowing that, she cannot stop herself from following him down this path, letting his anger fuel her own. "you're changing physically because of whatever the fuck you've done! i can fucking watch you become someone different! every time you tap into that fucking power, you're changing!" she felt like she was going to break down, every other word from him had her reeling, watching him become more and more unrecognizable.. this couldn't continue on, she had wasted so much fucking time without her memories, had spent so long just what? flirting with him and going on fucking dates with dain? she had doomed him with her inactions, her inability to find a cure. only putting herself in danger more so he felt like he needed to do more and more to protect her? "you think i wasn't tired of the maybe's?! of the fucking uncertainty that was going to come with you going down this road, with there being no fucking wards, no one else here that knows what the fuck a venin is! but if my two options were you dying or you becoming this, that doesn't put me in a fair position and you know it. i couldn't choose between those two, and you cannot expect me to make that choice." though, now, he had made that choice, leaving her with no other option right? if he was going to keep falling, not giving her any time to find a cure.. could she let him just walk away knowing how much of a danger he could become? he was already the most powerful rider in their generation, what would be become as a venin? "i can handle myself! you know i can! i don't need you to keep fucking draining because you're afraid of me being hurt! why can't you help me without falling further down this path, xaden? why does it have to be this way!" he had helped her so many times, had kept her safe so many different ways already, why did it have to be different now? why was the only option complete indifference or draining! "those people were complacent in torturing me and my friends, they would have killed you. someone just trying to deck you because you're being a dick is different! killing using those powers is different! how do you not see that every time you use them is making you fall deeper into this! that every time you drain, you get closer and closer to becoming one of them! how can you expect me to just sit back and watch you destroy yourself!" it was so hard to look at him, to see xaden underneath all of this. he was just right there, right within arms reach and gods all she wanted was her xaden back. to never have to deal with this venin bullshit ever again. but every day she was in danger, and considering her track record and luck that was nearly every day, he would continue to fall, until he was completely unrecognizable. before her and her friends were in danger because they stood in his way. wasn't it her responsibility to stop this? he became this because of her, she had to be the one to stop this. "you can't promise that. my power is basically the only thing that can fucking kill you, you remember that, right? you really think you won't see that as a threat if you let yourself go any further!" they were going in circles, this wasn't going to get them anywhere, not when he was clearly dodging her questions again, waiting for her to 'ask the right one', she's so sure. she wanted to fucking scream, needing a straight answer out of him for once. "tell me their name xaden. what is the name of the person you just killed?" because of all the people they knew... what were the chances that it was one of her friends? that rhi or dain or mira said something that set him off.. did he know anyone else that would send him over the edge that wouldn't have broken him? because touching imogen or liam would be too much, this wouldn't even be a conversation.. but dain? mira? her heartbeat only grew louder in her ears waiting for the answer, knowing it'll devastate her regardless.

"being physically different doesn't mean shit, are you really that fucking shallow, violet? i look a little different, that means i'm going to start attacking and killing the people i've given up fucking everything to protect? you act like i did this for a fucking laugh, everything i've done has been to keep you all safe!" he's sure he's given up more than she knows. he's very aware of the fact that his father is watching from wherever he is, cursing his name and disowning his only son. there's no family for him when he does meet malek, she'll be the only one by his side, and yet somehow he's the bad guy here. "we've been existing on a maybe for months! i'm not going to apologize for being sick and tired of balancing on the edge of whatever the fuck is going to happen when i finally let go! i'm sick and tired of this shit, violet! i wanted to end it all and you wouldn't let that happen, i wanted to embrace it and now that's a problem too!" he couldn't keep standing in between two different shitty endings, something had to give eventually. and at least this way, he could keep her safe. "really, because it seems like you're just expecting me to ignore the fact that you're in danger because it might make me get worse! we don't even know if that's the reality of it and you're acting like i shouldn't try to help you because of a guess!" he can't help but shake his head, frustrations leaking into every word he speaks, frustrations he'd never imagined being aimed at violet of all people, and yet here they are. "how was it different? i killed dozens of people that day, violet, none of who actually started the fight, but i kill one that attacked me and you're up in arms? that's not fair, you can't change your standards now because you don't like the method." but the more she lectures him, the more he doesn't see how they can possibly come to an agreement on this. she'll never see him as anything but a monster now, will she? as much as she claims not to, as much as she claims she wants to save him and keep him by her side, he's always going to be a monster to her now. "you would never be just a fucking power source, violence. and i think liam would respect that i made a choice to keep him alive, and that i'm still me after all of this!" and would that be partially because he was their leader? because liam felt loyalty to him? maybe so, but he's sure liam still would have accepted the choice after a bit of a debate. the same way he'd accepted every other sacrifice xaden had made for the marked children to keep them alive and safe. "i knew who it was." he replies, already knowing that elaborating any further will doom him, damn him in her eyes as something mad and irredeemable, if he isn't already. and maybe that's the problem. she knows too much, knows him too well, thinks she can read him like a book and know that something is wrong, rather than accepting that she's reading into something that isn't there. "it's not your responsibility, violence. i made my choices, they're my responsibility."

[leftistscum]

I AM CURSING YOU FUCKBAGS TO 1000 YEARS OF OWOFIED NONSENSE. I HAVE TO SUFFER, NOW YOU HAVE TO SUFFER WITH ME.

Update:

All this effort and it doesn't even work. I'm not mad, just disappointed. Current theory is that I didn't include an important part of it in the while loop. The bot scans new posts, and I'm not gonna re-post this for the second time. It's only been actually tested two or three times including this try, and I'm keeping this as a sort of devlog. Update 2:

I restarted the OAuth apps that I made earlier today (an OAuth callback server to catch the keys, and another OAuth thing to generate the Authorization verifier). I worked almost all day to get these two to work together. The API ended up sending this error, and I don't know what it means, but it doesn't throw any errors client-side. Here's the error it throws. {'meta': {'status': 429, 'msg': 'Limit Exceeded'}, 'response': [], 'errors': [{'title': 'Limit Exceeded', 'code': 0, 'detail': 'Minor hiccup. Try again.'}]} Like, okay, great. Now I gotta actually look at the documentation and find out what this magic gibberish means, because this could relate to all those times I tried to authenticate, OR I hit the daily limit on posts seen by my bot, which I highly doubt. Update 2.5 after some research, I've learned absolutely nothing. That error code is a giant ball of nothing that basically says I exceeded a rate limit, but doesn't give any explanation as to which rate I exceeded. Thanks, Tumblr. At least Reddit threw client side errors that you didn't have to go to a broken API console to see. Fuck all of you, and I'll see you tomorrow.

Side note: I am surviving off one breakfast pizza from Casey's, one Pipeline Punch, one grape flavored 3D, 4mg Estradiol, 50mg Spironolactone, and I currently have 100mg Progesterone dissolving in my stomach, which at this point, might actually kill me. It's only 9:36 at the time of writing this, but it feels like I've been working on this for days. This is to say that I may have missed something super obvious, and if that's the case, well, I'll leave tomorrows problems to tomorrow's me.

Update 3

Just woke up and re-ran all the assorted programs just to get a fresh start. I'm still getting that error code, but more importantly, my access token and secret changed? I'm not expert when it comes to stuff like this, but I though tokens and secrets are constant and specific to apps. I can't actually test this thing until the API lets me through. Update 3.5

Found the error code. It wasn't way too hard, but it means my bot probably did something way too much yesterday and I have no idea what. It works on the server's clock and goes by callendar day. This means that if a bot hits the error code at 11:59 PM, it can hit it again at 12:00 AM. For an error 429 to happen, any one of the following has to trigger it.

300 API calls per minute, per IP address.

18,000 API calls per hour, per IP address.

432,000 API calls per day, per IP address.

1,000 API calls per hour, per consumer key.

5,000 API calls per day, per consumer key.

250 new published posts (including reblogs) per day, per user.

250 images uploaded per day, per user.

200 follows per day, per user.

1,000 likes per day, per user.

10 new blogs per day, per user.

20 videos uploaded per day, per user.

60 minutes of total video uploaded per day, per user.

So I can't test this until the server's calendar deems it a new day Update 4

It still doesn't work, but I am one step closer. Because of Tumblr's broken-ass console, I've had to find an alternate way to get an OAuth key. It turns out I was using a temporary access key, which is why it changed when I re-ran everything. I had to do this by using two other scripts. One of them is Tumblr's interactive console on Github , and the other one was a Yaml parser because boy do they like to encrypt. This has been my morning so far. Day two and 5 scripts later, just to finally have something that I should've had at the start.

Update 4.5

I FINALLY GOT AN API RESPONSE!!! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Update 4.5.5

I have implemented a feature that makes the thing wait for a second then search for any comments with a timestamp older than the last time it waited and has the right keyword in the 196 tag. I have obviously accidentally wasted all my API tries today, but testing begins again tomorrow. You will fear my wrath soon enough. Update 5

Decided to check up on the bot, and ran straight into this wall of text. It looks like blog info? Some of those links take me to profile headers. This isn't a static thing either, it updates every 20 seconds like clockwork. Because I made it update every 20 seconds like clockwork. I think this means it's testing time. Wish me luck. Breaking News. Didn't work, but we're a lil bit closer. Again.

[fatedroses]

Chance encounters in Costa del Sol.

[deservedgrace]

one of the more frustrating aspects of ex evangelical/ex cult stuff for me personally is how hard it is to talk about. and part of that is the emotional side of it, yeah it's a shitload of cumulative and compounding trauma and trauma is hard to talk about sometimes. but it's not always hard to talk about, or at least equally hard to talk about, and the thing that's honestly more frustrating to me about that is how... extensive it is, how impossible it is to give an accurate picture of what it was like, especially succinctly. there are so many things that you need context for. there's so much that doesn't really sound that bad unless you have other information. so much was normalized to me that i have a hard time knowing what's actually "normal" and what's "yikes" to other people because i simply don't always have the context for "normal". there's so much that's normalized in society and churches that gets dismissed as "normal" when it really, really shouldn't be. there's so much i just don't remember because it slipped out of my brain the same as "normal" unimportant memories because my brain didn't process it as abuse or traumatic at the time due to that lack of context of what "normal" is; it was normal to me and just what people did and how people acted and what people said. and the thing that happens is all of this compiles into me sounding like i'm exaggerating and whining about a "normal church experience" because it's just so impossible to describe how all-encompassing being in a cult is if you don't have that experience.

[beef-brisket]

Adam sat on the couch and smiled as he continued to watch Lucifer, Charlie had gone over and sat next to Vaggie, enjoying her father's show.

Angel sat next to Adam: Hey uh- I'm thi king of having a party or something. I'd love it if you came. I need to fucking celebrate or something... it'll be after Val calms down. He's been blowing up my phone.

Adam: Has he?

Angel showed Adam his phone, and he quickly went through all of the texts and voice messages he sent. He felt Angel tense when Val started calling him.

Adam smiled and grabbed his phone, answering it.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over to Adam as they heard swearing and the most vile threats come from Valentino.

Val: Do you fucking hear me, bitch!? I'll fucking kill you! You're doing nothing but fucking snuff films, motherfucker! Do you fucking hear me!?

Adam: You should watch your mouth, Val. Especially when you're speaking to royalty.

The other end was silent. Lucifer smiled widely. He loved watching Adam put assholes in their place, this'll be the third time he's confronted him.

Val: A-Adam? Your highness! W-What a pleasure!

Adam: Don't bullshit me, Val. This is a pleasure for neither of us. Now, how many times do I have to deal both your bullshit before you fucking learn? Or do I have to fucking come over to your fucking tower again?

Val: N-No! Sir! It won't happen again!

Adam: That's what you said last time, fucker!

Angel was in disbelief as Adam stood and walked away, yelling at Valentino.

Obsessed with Bimbo!Adam in Eden

XxX

Adam awoke to feeling how he always felt. Turned on and in need. He whimpered, feeling his nether regions burn with desire and how he curled into a ball.

Where was Luci? His angel? He wanted relief so badly.

Unfortunately, he knew he might not get it today. Lilith would never touch him, unless she wanted to tie him down and tease him until he was crying for relief before leaving him to suffer, and Lucifer had duties as an angel. He didn't quite understand what Lucifer did but it made him super busy.

Adam whimpered again and he hugged himself.

Adam: Luci! Need you!

He was drooling and shaking with need.

Fortunately, he heard the sound of wings.

Lucifer: Oh...my poor dumb bunny. Do you need some relief again?

Adam: Please!

@beef-brisket

Lucifer: And so polite! At least you know your manners.~

Lucifer removed his robes and knelt between Adams legs, his pretty bunny looked up at him imploreably.

Adam got so excited when his angel touched him and got him ready to get some relief at long last.

Lucifer placed Adams legs on his shoulders before giving him what he knew he needed. Adams wanton moans echoed and bounced off the cave walls.

Lucifer: So pretty, so perfect, not a single thought in that head of yours.

Adam: Ooh Luci!!~

He loved his angel so much, he was always so good to him by giving him relief.

[novella-november]

Is this fanfic friendly? I feel like an outlier.

I guess this is my sign it's time to throw together a FAQ post to link to lol.

Yes, every event for this blog is fanfic friendly :D

Though as I mentioned on my Ominous October post, for events that include multiple short stories, I encourage everyone to flex their creativity and take one of their planned short story fanfics, and at least *attempt* to turn one of them into something entirely original; rebuilding a character and story from the ground up to stand on its own two legs is no easy feat, and that is what makes it so fun!

It really gets your creative gears turning, to make an "au of an existing material" to be something entirely original, and you can be pleasantly surprised about the things you come up with!

As a few people say, its not just a matter of "filing the serial numbers off" -- you have to add in just as much *or more* as what you take out when you are turning a fanfiction into something that is original and completely divorced from its original source material / inspiration, and that is a hard, but very rewarding challenge!

Obviously, this is not a requirement (there's no hard requirements for any of the challenges, other than no cheating, including no using AI),

but if you would like an extra challenge for the short story events and you're planning on doing entirely fan-fiction, I highly recommend trying it out at least once, and seeing where it leads you--

you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by what you find down that rabbit hole!

[lockandkeyhyena]

So so sorry if you've answered this before [or if you just didn't wanna talk about this] but I noticed your part is absent from the Primadonna Spottedleaf map? Again sorry if this is overstepping bounds but I'm just curious if you knew about that

all good. got kicked for supporting bi lesbians i think. they just said ‘because of the drama’

[fan-of-young-royals]

I know Simon is so much stronger than me because that final fight in the music room would’ve been the Moment I decided to break up with Wille

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭