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give-seconds · 4 years ago

Text

Timeless

Summary: Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel! Where you can be treated for whatever wounds your poor heart has tolerated. Heartbreak Hotel has 23 employees, all of whom will be wholeheartedly devoted to healing your heart, after which you shall be asked to leave. Heartbreak Hotel not only offers never-seen-before deals and techniques, it also has special floors to regulate the healing of your heart!

This is part of the Heartbreak Hotel collaboration hosted by @nct-writers. This is my first ever collaboration and I had so much fun being apart of this. I hope you enjoy!

Paring: RenJun x gender neutral reader

Genre: angst with a happy ending, slight fluff

Warnings: Renjun works on the depression floor, so hopefully this is kinda sad.

Word count: 9.5K

---

“Hi y/n.”

You turn your attention away from your phone, looking up to see the new employee you would be working with. New day, new stage, new employee.

“As you know, my name is Renjun, and I’ll be working with you on this floor.��

Setting your phone on the table screen down, you watch as he pulls out the chair across from you. He’s young– like everyone else in the hotel– and as he sits down, you can’t help but notice how small he is.

“Want to tell me why you’re here?”

You laugh humorlessly, looking down at your sleeves as you play with them. “You know why I’m here, it’s all in the paperwork.”

He smiles kindly, crossing his legs. “What if I told you I haven’t read the paperwork yet?”

You crack a light smile. “Then I’d say you’re not the best at your job.”

He nods his head, his small smile still spread across his face. “Well then, why don’t you tell me what happened so I don’t get fired?”

Quite frankly, you hate that you’re here. You never understood the need for this place when a good friend is all you need. After all, why talk to seven different strangers, and relive the hurt seven different times when you can tell one person one time. One and done.

But what happens when it’s your best friend who breaks your heart?

“I would really prefer it if you talked to one of the other employees I talked to or read the paperwork. I can’t keep talking about this, I-”

You snap your mouth shut and close your eyes. You can already feel the tears burning your eyelids, and you bring your hands from your lap to hold your head in your hands, elbows resting on the table.

God, I hate crying.

“Y/n, I know this is hard. But talking about it makes it better, that’s why we have our seven floors. We believe it takes a least a week to get a proper grip on your heartbreak, to be able to go back out and be-” he brings his hands up in a gesture of quotation marks, “‘Okay.’”

“I get that, it makes sense. I don’t know what the people who come in here are normally like, but I can’t talk about my feelings that often. It’s too hard.”

“I get that. It’s a good thing I don’t like to jump into the touchy-feely stuff right away. So why don’t you tell me what happened?” He smiles softly, and like everyone else in this hotel, you can feel a sense of comfort radiating from him. “We don’t even have to talk about feelings if you don’t want to.”

You nod your head, dropping your hands onto the table. “My best friend, she cut me out. She stopped answering my texts and wouldn’t pick up my phone calls.” You scoff as the memory plays through your mind. “She even went as far as to stand me up the one time I was able to get through to her. She was too busy partying.”

“So that’s why you’re here?”

You shake your head, refusing to meet his eyes. You feel so stupid talking with a stranger about your problems. Problems you should be solving on your own.

But it was eating you alive. Then one night, talking to a few strangers seemed less scary than sitting with those thoughts alone for another night.

“No, I’m here because I finally got the courage to tell her I was done if things kept going the way they were. That I was done being in a one-sided relationship.”

“How did that go?”

“It went well. She sent me a response saying she was sorry and that she never meant to hurt me. I thought it was going to be okay and that I was going to have my best friend back.” You smile sadly as her smiling face flashes through your mind. “You know she’s my oldest friend?”

He smiles, resting his head on his clasped hands. “Oh really?”

You nod your head. “I had moved to a new city so, of course, I didn’t have anyone. I joined a play to make new friends, and there she was. She’s everything I’m not, good and bad. I think I thought I could help her not be so sad. I thought I was, I mean, she told me I was. She told me I was special to her.”

“From my experience,” he says softly, “people don’t normally lie about that sort of thing. I’m sure you meant something to her. Now, of course, I’m not her so I can’t say for sure.”

You haven’t talked to many people about your recent heartbreak– specifically, only one person– but when you had, you had gotten a very stereotypical answer. “You don’t need her, she doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

You appreciated the thought, but it didn’t help. Simply hearing that it would be okay and that she didn’t know what she was missing didn’t help fight the feelings of nothingness that threatened to take over.

“You’re right, neither of us are her, so we’ll never know. But you wanna know my theory?”

“Shoot.”

“I think I used to mean something to her. And then, she found someone else.”

His eyes softened, and if you had to guess, he had just figured out why you had moved to this floor.

“Okay y/n, here’s what we’re going to do. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of sitting here. So you’re going to give me a list of your favorite snacks– whether that’s chocolate, chips, fruit, or all of the above– and your favorite movie from your childhood.”

You stared at him, scanning his eyes. He didn’t say anything either, looking back at you with a calm expression.

You couldn’t understand. This hotel has been in business for three years now, and no doubt every employee is good at their job. If Renjun is any good at his job, he would have a pretty good, if not solid, idea why you had moved to the Depression floor. So why stop now?

“I don’t- why?”

He shrugs his shoulders, leaning back in his chair. “Well, when I’m sad, my favorite thing is to just go back to my childhood.”

“But don’t you want to know more? We didn’t even get into the root of it.”

He shifts in his chair, crossing his legs. “I know, but you said you don’t like feelings. Like you said, you have to recount this event multiple times. Right now, you’re in one of the hardest stages of this journey. You already passed through what, in my mind, are two of the hardest stages. There’s no doubt in my mind you’re tired and just ready for the hardness to end.

“Once you’re ready to move on, whether that's tomorrow or next week, you’ll be moving onto easier steps.” He smiles brightly. “Now, I don’t want you looking back on your time with me and thinking it was horrible. So, I was thinking, we could have a little party to bring some of the joy that comes in the later stages to us now.”

You don’t know what you were expecting, but it wasn’t a party. When your friend sent you the details of this hotel, you read they offered “never-seen-before deals and techniques.” Until now, you couldn’t imagine what that meant.

Clearing your throat, you give Renjun one of the weakest smiles you’ve ever given anyone. He’s right, I am tired.

“Okay, sounds good,” you agreed.

He smiles brightly, standing up from the table. “Awesome, you’ll find my contact in the hotel app you downloaded. Text me your list and the movie, and I’ll see you when I get back from the store.”

You nod your head, waving back at him as he slips out the door.

You let out a deep breath, looking up towards the left, and fanning your eyes. Bringing your eyes to look at the door, you hit your hand against your chest above your heart twice. You appreciate his efforts. You appreciate the hotel’s efforts, but you’re so tired.

You’ve cried so much since you checked in, not to mention you’ve been in a foreign place for the past few days meeting new people every time you progressed with your heartbreak.

Just when you felt you were getting somewhere, you were moved to a different floor and had to get comfortable with a new employee. You understand why they did it; having specialists for each stage of heartbreak is a great idea.

A great idea in theory, but exhausting in practice

Shaking your head, you pick up your phone to start making a list of things you’d like him to buy.

---

“Come in,” you call, hearing a knock at your door.

“I’m sorry I’m so late,” Renjun says, walking into the room holding a bag of groceries in one hand and two sweatshirts slung over his other arm. “It took me forever to find this one thing, and by the time I had, of course traffic had to be terrible. So what started as a thirty-minute mission turned into an hour-long one.”

“It’s okay, it’s not like I have anywhere to be,” you say, motioning to how you were sitting on the bed, the blanket pulled over your lap.

“I know, but I still made you wait.” He sets the bags at the bedside, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. He smiles widely as he takes the sweatshirts from around his arm and lays them out on the bed. “Now, on top of snacks, I also brought oversized sweaters. Take your pick!”

You look at the two sweatshirts, one yellow and one grey, before reaching out to grab the grey one and pulling it into your lap. I was starting to get a little cold.

Sticking your hand inside one of the sleeves, you smile at the soft feeling. “Is this why you asked to first meet me at six? You wanted to do this?”

He grabs the yellow sweatshirt and pulls it over his head as he answers. “Yeah. Most of the staff like to get to know new clients over lunch or dinner, but I like this method better. Breaks up the routine and spices up everyone’s life.”

You nod your head, looking up from the sweatshirt to him. You let out a small, ‘oh,’ realizing he was still sitting at the foot of the bed.

“You can sit here,” you say softly, patting the spot next to you.

He bends down to grab the bag before crawling to sit next to you, dumping the bag of snacks onto the bed between you two.

“What are these?” you ask, picking up a snack bag with Chinese characters on it.

“Oh, these are some of my favorite snacks from when I was little. I normally don’t buy them

when I go out for a client’s snacks, but I’ve been feeling particularly homesick lately.”

“You’re from China?”

“Yep!”

You tilt your head to the side, flipping the bag to look at the back. “How’d you end up working for this hotel?”

“My friend Chenle – he also works on this floor – told me about his cousin Kun who was starting this hotel with his friend Taeyong, who he met while studying abroad here in Korea. We thought it was a cool idea, so we dragged our other friend Yangyang down with us. It’s actually how most of the foreign members got here. Sicheng-Ge is Kun-Ge’s friend, Yuta-Hyung is Taeyong-Hyung’s friend, Shotaro is Yuta-Hyung’s friend, Mark-Hyung and Johnny-Hyung came through Ten-Hyung, and God knows how Ten-Hyung showed up.”

You snort, placing the bag back in the middle and grabbing one of the brown snack bags he bought for you. “That sounds fun. Do you all get along?”

“I mean, of course, we get along.” He pauses, pursing his lips in thought, before shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, I don’t really know some of the older staff that well, and I don’t know Sungchan or Shotaro that well either, but we all get along.”

“So it’s like you have a massive family gathering every day?”

“A family gathering.” He turns to you, smiling. “That’s a perfect way to put it.”

He looks down at the bedside table before twisting over and reaching for the remote. He hums as he scrolls through the apps, looking for a specific one. You watch silently as he flicks through them, trying to push back the sudden thoughts on why you're here.

Tonight is about watching a childhood movie and temporarily forgetting the heartbreak. Easy enough.

“Are you ready for the best movie night you will have here at Heartbreak Hotel?”

You smile at the excitement in his voice. He seems genuinely excited to watch this movie.

“Ready.”

He makes a point to dramatically press play before dropping the remote between you two and picking up one of the bags he bought for himself. He shifts around on the bed, pulling his knees close to him.

Suddenly, the closeness of the action hits you. You can’t remember the last time someone did something like this for you.

You love your friend who helped get you here, they mean a lot to you. But after your other friend started ignoring you, you had never felt so alone before. Loneliness turned to pushing people away, which meant you had no one to come and spend time with you. Maybe you were too good at convincing your friends you were okay, but you were hoping they’d surprise you with something.

You know you aren’t thinking straight, so you can’t help but think the fact your friend hadn’t tried to cheer you up and your best friend dropping you was because of you. Maybe you’re too boring, too serious.

You shake your head, quickly wiping away a few tears. No, now is not the time to be wallowing in self-pity. Not while watching a kid’s movie.

“Are you okay?”

You sigh, pulling the sleeves of the sweatshirt over your hands, not looking away from the movie. “I’m just so tired, Renjun.”

He nods his head in understanding. “I can imagine, it’s hard what you’re going through. Of course, I’m not forcing you to talk to me about it. I’m here to help you y/n, and if that is just sitting with you and watching movies then so be it. But it does help to talk about it, that’s why we’re here.”

You close your eyes, leaning against the wall. “I just feel stuck. I thought coming here would be hard. I mean, crying is one of the hardest things for me to do. Then I’m sitting here with you, and I want to tell you everything. There’s, um, there’s just this fear. If I tell you my thoughts, why I’m here, then along with those feelings come the feelings of self-pity. I’m so scared of self-pity, Renjun.”

“I know what you’re talking about, and I know how helpless that can feel. Truth is, we feel what we feel. Some things are good to ignore, like the urge I sometimes get to just punch Chenle or Yangyang.” You tilt your head to the side to look at him, and he smiles at you. “You’re right to be somewhat afraid of those feelings. It’s easy to let them consume you. But do you want to know my basic rule of thumb?”

You adjust your head to look back at the movie, watching mindlessly as the film plays in front of you. “Sure.”

“Give yourself two days to feel sorry for yourself, and if after two days those feelings are still there, pick yourself up and move on. Those feelings don’t have to be gone completely, but after two days you have to start living your life again.”

“Can those two days start tomorrow?”

“Of course y/n, we go at your pace.”

---

“Good morning y/n, fancy some ice cream?” Renjun asks, swinging the door open.

“Good morning Renjun.” You check the clock on the bedside table. “It’s 12:30 in the afternoon.”

“So?” He leans against the closed door, arms crossed. “I’m in the mood for ice cream and either I go with you or by myself. And if you ask me, talking to you is way more fun than talking to myself.”

“I don’t know Renjun, I’m kind of tired. Plus, I was hoping we could talk before I lose the courage to.”

He nods, uncrossing his arms and pushing off the door. “Okay, then change of plans. We talk first and then get ice cream.” He makes his way over to you, extending his hand out to you. “Either way, you should leave that bed and this room.”

You smile slightly, taking his hand as he helps pull you up from the bed. He smiles brightly, dropping his hand to his side. “We’re going outside, so if you need to grab anything for that, now’s your chance! I’ll be right out by the door, so when you’re ready, come and get me.”

Before you can say anything, he is already walking out the room.

“Renjun, wait.”

He turns around, a hand on the doorknob. “Yeah?”

“Why are we going outside? I thought we were going to talk first.”

“We are.” He looks around the room before his eyes land back on you, a smile lighting his face. “You need a change of scenery.”

With that, he pulls open the door and walks into the hallway.

You tilt your head slightly, confused at the random action. You thought the first thing you two would do today would be to talk. He seemed like the kind of person to want to get the talking out of the way.

But now he’s taking you somewhere to get ice cream? You shake your head, bending to grab your phone from the bed before walking towards the door to pull on your shoes.

“That was fast,” he smiles, pushing himself off the wall.

“Yeah, I was already dressed so all I had to do was put my shoes on. If you weren’t in such a hurry, you would’ve seen that,” you tease.

He shrugs his shoulders, turning to walk down the hallway. “Had I done that, you might have objected. But look at us now.”

You chuckle at his statement, walking the rest of the way to the elevators in silence.

“Where are we going?” you ask as he pushes the down button.

“You’ll see.” He smiles, walking into the elevator.

When the elevator opens on the bottom floor, he leads you out and to the left towards a door with a sign “staff only” taped at the front. He pulls the door open, and walks in before holding the door open behind him for you. It’s a small room, with the only things inside being a white board hung on the wall and a door leading outside. Once you’re in, he takes the whiteboard marker from the top of a whiteboard and writes an RJ in one of the 7 boxes taped out on the board.

“You’re going to love this,” he says, pressing the pen back into its holder before walking to the door.

When you step out, you’re met with what you can only describe as a garden straight out of a movie. A gravel pathway led to what looks like a hedge maze. As he leads you towards the entrance of the maze, you reach your hand out to touch the bush.

He leads you past two doors built into the hedge, one on the left and one on the right. When you two reach the second set of doors, he pulls open the one on the left and motions for you to go in. Upon entering, you’re surrounded by hedge on all sides.

Opposite the door, a black metal bench sat in front of the hedge. Across from the bench and to the left of the door, a beautiful flower wall, full of white, peach, and red colored flowers covered a majority of the hedge.

“Renjun, it’s beautiful,” you marveled, taking a seat on the bench. “I didn’t know you guys had an area like this.”

He nods his head, taking a seat next to you, and looking at the scenery around the bench. “Yeah, it's really beautiful out here. There’s a section out here for each floor, and since we have multiple employees on each floor, it’s first come first serve. But I’ve used space assigned to another floor when Chenle or Mark-Hyung were using this one, so it doesn’t really matter.”

You nod your head. “I imagine that has caused some troubles.”

“No, surprisingly not yet.” He takes a deep breath, and out of the corner of your eye, you see him tilt his head up to the sky. “I always think better outside- it feels less confining. So I thought this would be a better place to talk as opposed to somewhere with four walls and a ceiling. You also don’t have to worry about others hearing you here. No one else signed in. With that in mind, feel free to start talking whenever you’re comfortable. We have all day.”

As soon as he’s done talking, a silence falls between you two. Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes as you push back the thoughts telling you it was a trap. You know that by telling him everything, it would get hard. You knew the self-pity you were so scared of would worm its way in after every word you said to him.

Living with that would be better than how muted you felt now.

“I’m just tired and scared.” You start slowly, letting out a shaky breath. “My entire life, I’ve had trouble getting close to people. For as long as I can remember, I’ve only had two friends. I mean, sure, I had people who were nice to me and we could have nice conversations, but we weren’t friends. I’ve long since accepted that I’ll never be anyone’s first choice; my dad would pick my sister over me, my friend who sent me here would pick her childhood friend, and my friend who left picked her other friends over me.”

You quickly wipe your eyes, taking a deep breath before you continue. “I don’t care about that- it is what it is. I just never expected her to leave me like that, to just cut me out of her life. When she first started doing it, I told myself I was fine. I’m not dumb I know that it isn’t solely my fault she distanced herself. She has a hard life, and I’m sure that’s a major reason this is happening– I’ve already worked this out on the anger floor– but at the same time, I can’t help but think it’s because of me.”

A sob escapes your mouth, and you bring your hand to rest against your forehead. Squeezing your eyes shut, you try and get your breathing under control again.

You’re sick of crying, it’s all you’ve been doing this past week. If you weren’t crying, you were ignoring the numb feeling that has made a home in your gut. The same feeling that took away some of the joy you should be feeling at all the genuine acts Renjun and the rest of the staff have shown you.

You’re sick of living with muted feelings.

“You already said you knew it wasn’t because of you that she did what she did. I know it’s hard, but don’t backtrack on those feelings. Don’t let the hurt you feel from losing a friend turn those thoughts around on you.”

You lean forward, placing your elbows on your knees and your head in your hands. “I know, I know, but it’s so hard. It’s just, my mom and I aren’t on the best of terms right now. I mean, there was a time in my life when she would just leave for months to go on vacation by herself.”

You shake your head hoping to straighten out your thoughts, sitting back up. You wipe your eyes, pushing back any thoughts of how you must look right now. “It’s like, every night before I fall asleep, I’ll remember a funny or happy moment we had together. With that memory, the reality that I can never go back to a time when she wanted me hurts. Which makes me come full circle to if it took my mom years to even want to be around me, doesn’t it make sense that the same thing that pushed her away since birth pushes one of my closest friends away?”

The silence that follows is deafening. You don’t blame him for being at a loss for words, frankly, you have no idea what you’d say to someone in your position. Even if it is his job, having strangers pour their hearts out to him probably never gets easy.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, his lack of words making you feel anxious you had said something wrong. “It’s just I-”

Before you could continue your explanation, Renjun cuts you off. “Don’t apologize to me unless you do something to hurt me or the people I care about.”

You turn your head to face him, the sincerity in his voice surprising you. He flashes you a quick smile before turning his attention back towards the wall in front of him.

“With regards to your friend, I think what you need to do is practice taking a break from the problem. Clear your head and then approach it from an outside view. To give you a head start on that outside view, let me offer you mine.

“I don’t know the whole story, so feel free to call me out on anything wrong. But sometimes people just leave because their lives are going in different directions. You told me she has a hard life, so maybe her cutting you out is just an unfortunate consequence. This can be said about your mom and her- some people are just self-destructive and scared. Maybe they saw their relationship with you as something that will last a long time. Something like that can be scary to some people, so if I had to guess, part of them leaving is tied to them being scared. I’m not asking you to forgive her or to ignore your feelings on the relationship, but maybe if you can look at it as the result of someone hiding from their fear, it could help you.”

You nod your head, letting the words sink in. You don’t know if you’re ready to accept that reasoning- or if it’s what you’re even looking for- but it’s nice to hear something different than what your mind is telling you.

“I know losing a friend is hard,” he continues, not looking away from the flower wall in front of you two, “but by the time you are out of this hotel, you’re going to realize that it has nothing to do with your personality. I know this is only the second day we’ve spent together, but I like being around you. I’ve had many people come through here, some good and some bad, and I can confidently say you’re part of the good group. I’m not just saying this because it’s my job, but I enjoy spending time with you y/n.”

After he finishes talking, you quickly wipe away the hot tears escaping from your eyes. You have a few people you know you romanticize in your mind. There was the boy from your sixth-grade math class who walked you to your next class, arm wrapped around your shoulders as you bawled your eyes out about another fight you had with your mom. There was also the girl you met at summer camp who was a complete stranger to you, yet took the time to walk you from the cafeteria to your cabin after you threw up from food poisoning. They’re both perfect examples of that romanticization.

Those had been random acts of kindness during times you thought you were alone. Each time, you remember being amazed there were people like this around you. People brave enough to help someone they didn’t know.

Once again, you feel your heart warm from the same type of kindness, and you find yourself struggling to comprehend how someone can be so nice.

Renjun takes a deep breath and looks over at you, breaking you from your thoughts. “Not that there’s any rush, but is there anything else that you wanted to tell me?”

You quickly shake your head, taking deep, shaky breaths to try and stop crying.

He nods his head, a shining smile breaking out across his face. “I don’t know about you, but I think the only thing that can make us feel better is ice cream. So how about, when you feel up to it, we go and get some?”

You nod your head, sniffling once. “Okay, just- just give me a second, and then I’ll be ready.”

“Again, there’s no rush. We move at your pace, however fast or slow that is.”

---

“Having trouble deciding?”

You glance at the stranger to your left before looking back at the assortment of teas. “I guess so.”

“Well this one,” the stranger says, pointing to one of the boxes of black tea, “is my personal favorite. If you’re in the mood for something without caffeine, this is the tea to go. If you want chai, we have milk in the fridge– which I suggest you use instead of water– with one packet of sugar, and you have yourself the best chai tea ever.”

You laugh softly, leaning against the counter. “Sounds like you know your stuff.”

He smiles, reaching for the black tea he pointed to. “Kim Doyoung is the name, tea is the game.”

You snort, pushing off the counter and reaching for the chai tea. “Well Doyoung, I’m excited to try your recipe.”

“If you’re disappointed, you can file a complaint against me. You’ll find me on the Reconstruction floor,” he jokes, his back turned to you as he pours hot water from the water dispenser into his cup.

“Noted. And since you’re a staff member, you aren’t going to kick me out if I use the stove and one of your pans to heat some milk, are you?”

“It’s the public kitchen, so you don’t have to worry about anyone kicking you out,” he chuckles, walking to one of the small tables and taking a seat. “As long as you wash the pot out, we don’t care what you do.”

“Good to know.”

Walking over to the refrigerator, you sigh softly as you pull open the door.

It’s been a long day.

Grabbing the milk from off the side rack, you use your foot to hold open the door as you pour some milk into your cup. Once you’re finished, you screw the lid back on and move to put the milk back.

“Oh, you can keep it out. I forgot I was going to add some to mine.” He smiles as he pushes himself up from the table. “I don’t even know why I sat down.”

You chuckle. “I feel that.”

Squatting down to open one of the cupboards to look for a pot, you wince slightly at the sound of pots hitting each other as you move the pots to get to the smallest one. “Not to sound mean, but shouldn’t you be helping someone?”

“I could say the same thing about you, I mean, you’re down here all by yourself. Do I need to get someone fired? ”

You place the pot on the stove and pour in the milk from your cup. “Fair point. But luckily for you, you don’t have to fire anyone. I practically had to chase him away so I could have a moment by myself.”

He chuckles, pouring some milk into his tea. “May I ask who you have?”

“Renjun.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Renjun,” he chuckles, pulling open the fridge to put away the milk. Turning around, he leans against the counter, picking up his cup to take a drink. “You got lucky with him, he’s my second favorite of the younger staff.”

You snort, tearing a sugar packet and pouring it into the milk. “Who’s first?”

“Jeno. He works on the floor above Renjun’s.”

“Well, if I get the opportunity to work with him I’ll be sure to tell him he has to live up to the expectations set by tea king Kim Doyoung.”

“Please do, it’s been a while since I’ve told him I’m proud of him.”

You smile, turning off the heat and moving the pot to a different burner.

“I just realized,” he says, pulling you from your thoughts. “I never asked for your name.”

“Oh, I’m y/n.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you y/n. It’s nice to have someone to share my tea knowledge with.”

“Are you telling me that in a hotel of 23 men, there is no one else who likes tea?” you ask sarcastically, pouring the milk into your cup and dropping the teabag in.

“There are, they just don’t like to listen to me. They tell me I’m too bossy.”

You let out a loud laugh, quickly covering your mouth with your hand. You look over to him, and he simply nods his head, a knowing look spread across his face.

You clear your throat, turning your attention back to your tea, stifling laughter as you pour a sugar packet in. “That sounds sad, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, they don’t know what they’re missing.”

You nod your head, tossing the packet into the trash and moving the pan to the sink to wash it. “That’s a good attitude to have, stay strong.”

“I’m as good at being petty as I am at anything else.”

You snort, squirting some soap onto the sponge to wash the pot. “Are you open to some feedback?”

“Go for it.”

“Okay, well for one, I don’t think that’s a good thing. And two, I don’t think that’s a saying.”

“All valid points,” he starts, and you hear the clink of what you assume is him putting his cup on the counter, “but let me tell you why they aren’t actually valid. Petty is how I’ve made my way in this hotel. Ten is something else, and I may have picked up a few things from him. Secondly, I don’t know what’s a saying and what isn’t, so that has no effect on me.”

“I don’t think it works like that.”

“It does.”

You chuckle, turning off the water, and placing the pan on the drying rack. “Well, I can say you’ll have no trouble staying strong.”

He dips his head in a thank you, and you laugh softly. Drying your hands on the towel hanging on the oven handle, you turn around to grab your cup.

“Well, I’m going to go up now, I have books to read and TV to watch. Thank you for the tea recommendation, I’ll be sure to try the other ones you pointed out.” You nervously pat the side of your cup twice, letting your eyes wander around the room before looking back at him. “This might be kinda weird considering this is our first time meeting, but thank you for having this conversation. It was nice to talk to someone who isn’t involved in my life. That, and you made today slightly less awful.”

He smiles, and you’re finally struck by how beautiful it is.

Renjun’s smile always struck you as a warm, comforting one. It fit perfectly for the floor he worked on. Doyoung’s, however, is different. While he still radiates comfort, his smile is more of a hopeful one. The kind that brightens even the worst days.

“I’m glad I could help. It was lovely talking with you y/n, and I hope I get to work with you when you reach my floor. It would be nice to see you again.”

You smile, rubbing your finger against the side of the cup. “Yeah, it would be nice to work with you. Maybe have a tea party where we talk about our feelings and my journey here.”

He laughs, walking up to you and tapping his cup lightly against yours. “I look forward to it.”

---

“I brought strawberries,” Renjun sings, opening the door.

You smile softly, pausing the show you were watching and patting the spot in front of you on the bed. “What’s with you and randomly showing up with food?”

He shrugs, placing one hand on the wall to balance himself as he uses his feet to take his shoes off. “I think spontaneous food is good for healing the soul. Trust me, I’m an expert.”

“Expert,” you repeat, laughing at his choice of words.

“Speaking of experts,” he says, taking a seat in front of you and placing the container of strawberries between you two, " I heard from Doyoung-Hyung that you two talked. How was that?"

"Well, for starters, he said Jeno was his favorite."

He snorts, picking up a strawberry. "That's nothing new."

"Isn’t Doyoung one of the members you said you don’t know very well?” you ask, taking a bite of the strawberry in your hand.

He nods his head, covering his mouth with his hand as he finishes chewing. “All the younger staff have an older member they’re particularly close with, and then the rest range from comfortable to the most awkward situation you could ever be in. Funny considering we have those parties when a client leaves, so you think we’d all be close by now. Anyway, me and Doyoung-Hyung are somewhere in the middle of that scale.”

“You guys really are like a family.”

He nods his head, placing another stem into the bowl he brought with him. “How’d you sleep last night?”

You smile softly, picking up a strawberry so you would have something for your hands to play with. “If you’re talking about if I thought about her or not, I did. I know it was earlier in the day, but I even almost texted her. That’s why I texted you asking if I could use the kitchen, I wanted something to distract me.”

“How do those memories make you feel?”

“Sad.” You laugh humorlessly, running your finger over the leaf. “I have photos on my phone from when we permed her hair. Most of those photos are of her, but the ones I’m in, you can see I’m laughing. It was such a fun day, we laughed so much. I thought I was getting better about the whole situation, but then I saw those photos, and I realized I’m still stuck in that time. And like I said before we talked in the garden, I can’t stop feeling sorry for myself now that I’ve vocalized the connection I feel between her and my mom. I normally have pretty good self views, but once I get an idea like this in my head, it’s so hard to get it out.”

“My first piece of advice is to be more gentle with yourself. Remember, today is your second day of sitting with those feelings. I think to start moving on from this stage, you have to be in tune with what you’re feeling. If you aren’t aware of what it is that’s hurting you, it will come back to you later. As much as I like being with you, I don’t want to see you here again.”

You smile softly, taking a small bite of the strawberry to try and distract yourself from the tears pricking at your eyes. “Thanks, Renjun.”

“My second piece of advice,” he says, tapping your knee to bring your attention up to him, “don’t hide from the memories. Even if you can’t go back to that day, doesn’t mean you don’t have to ignore those memories completely. I know it isn’t the same, but I have a photo from my friend’s birthday party from like five years ago back in China. It’s of me, my friend, and some guy he was friends with at the time. Turns out, the guy wasn’t very nice and they had this whole drama thing.”

He waves his hand dismissively. “Back to the point, they’re not friends anymore. And when that happened, my friend had been so sad. He deleted every photo of the two of them and cropped him out of any group photos he could. But I still have my photo of the three of us. Even though I look at him and am reminded of all the stuff he put one of my best friends through, I still smile when I pass it by in my camera roll. Because that day was filled with great memories between me and my friend.

“Now, in your case, you can still look at those photos and remember how happy you were that day. They don’t have to serve as a ‘look at this moment I can never go back to.’ Instead, look at them as ‘look at this moment, I was so happy this day.’ You know, it’s kind of like childhood. We have these photos from when we were younger. At birthday parties and whatnot. It’s sad growing up, sometimes we want to go back. But we know we can’t, so instead we look at photos to remember the joys of our youth. This can just be part of your youth.”

“I’ve been telling myself that this entire time.” You place the barely eaten strawberry into the stem bowl. “So I can see the end of the road, but my problem is I don’t know how to get there.”

He nods his head, pushing the strawberries off to the side. “Well, I can tell you right now that’s normally the opposite problem I have to deal with.”

You chuckle, nodding your head. “I’m a special one, aren’t I?”

“No,” he laughs. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’ve felt that myself a few times, as well as a few clients that dealt with the same issue. All I have to say to you is to just know that there’s an achievable end. You know there’s an end but it seems unattainable. So just know, it is achievable.”

“So I just have to wait?”

You knew what the answer was before you asked the question. You hated how powerless it made you feel, knowing it would get better but not knowing when.

You know you’re lucky in the sense that you know it will get better. Call it the control freak inside you that couldn’t stand not knowing when.

“Let me tell you why I chose to work on this floor,” he says, ignoring your question. “I chose this floor because while it can be hard seeing people go through this, it’s the easiest stage to work with someone on. I get paid to listen, share my two cents, and, if needed, tell a story of mine. For the most part though, I get paid to eat and hang out with people as friends. I’m not here to solve people’s problems, I’m here to listen. I can’t make you reach the end, but I can accompany you on the journey there.”

“Thank you.”

You know the response isn’t exactly the correct thing to say, but you feel so thankful to him in this moment. Hearing him say he wasn’t trying to push you ahead blindly felt so relieving. You never realized how suffocating the constant feeling of needing to get better was.

“You’re welcome.”

---

You: Are you up?

Renjun: Of course I’m up it’s only 9

You: I don’t know you could be one of those early sleepers

You: Anyways I have something I wanted to ask you

Renjun: Go ahead

You: Okay

You: So I know we had this conversation two days ago but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and you’re right.

You: I don’t want to hide from those memories anymore so I was wondering if I could send you some photos of me and her? I don’t know why but I just feel more comfortable doing this over text

You: Is that okay?

Renjun: Go for it. I’m ready to see into your past

Renjun: (◎_��)

You: First of all that’s kinda creepy

Renjun: No it isn’t

You: Second of all thank you for letting me do this

You: Let’s get started down memory lane shall we?

You: First up we have her carrying Kyle on her back

You: {image}

Renjun: Is Kyle the bear on her back?

You: Yep! You: Kyle is a five-foot-five stuffed bear she got me for Christmas

You: He’s still sitting in my room

Renjun: He’s beautiful

Renjun: Also kind of an oddly specific height

You: Not the point here

You: Moving on!

You: {image}

You: This is just a nice photo of the two of us. This was taken when we went to the beach for her birthday. She dropped her piece of cake into the sand

Renjun: That is one of the saddest things that could happen to a person

You: I agree

You: When it was dropped she just stared at it for a few seconds before sighing deeply and turning around to get more. One of the funniest things I have ever seen

Renjun: That reminds me of last year on Donghyuck’s birthday

Renjun: So we bought him this cake and had a celebration for him outside on this picnic table we used to have. We had it at like ten at night so we weren’t disturbing the guests. At the time we were still letting the staff bring their dogs into work from time to time and Lucas had brought Bella in that day

Renjun: Long story short we set the cake on the table after he had blown out the candles and Ten-Hyung had run inside to get plates and everything. Being the stubborn man he is he had refused to ask for help and ended up dropping the box of silverware and most of the plates

Renjun: Those of us who weren’t helping him pick it up were just watching. And if you told me 23 people would get distracted over a bunch of spilled forks and plates I don’t know if I would have believed you. Now comes the fun part

Renjun: Eventually we hear Shotaro yell “Bella no!” She had managed to climb on top of the table and take a bite out of the middle of the cake

You: Oh my god no

Renjun: I know right! The look on Hyuck’s face is something I’ll remember for a long time. We ended up running to a near by store and buying him this small one in replacement

You: Forget her, that is the saddest thing that could happen to a person on their birthday. At least she was able to get more

Renjun: Eh he’s fine. He got his cake

Renjun: Bring on the next photo

You: Right

You: Next we have this one. And she would kill me if she knew I was showing you this but oh well

You: She isn’t here to stop me

You: {image}

Renjun: What even is that?

You: I wish I could give you a straight anser

You: Answer

You: But the best I got is that she found a random towel and stuck it on her head. Next she wrapped this weird bead necklace that me or my brother must have made when we were like five around the towel. Then for some reason she made an ugly face

Renjun: Well that sounds like it would have been a fun night

You: I honestly don’t remember. I just know it was at mom’s house and I was thankful to have her there

You: You know I think that’s why when she left it hurt so bad. She was the first person I was okay with letting into my life and seeing the hardships I had concerning my mom. She would always be there when I was worried I was acting too much like my mom or when my brother was being too much for me to handle (he can be like her sometimes too)

You: And before you say anything

You: I’ve listened to what you said the past few days and I know how to look at it in a good way. Instead of thinking about how I don’t have this person to give me comfort, I can think of it as ‘I may not have this person anymore but the things she said helped me then and they can help me now.’

Renjun: That’s good y/n that’s a really good step

You: What can I say I learn from the best

You: Now the next photo isn’t of her but I miss my cat so here you go

---

“I think you’re ready to move on.”

“Hello to you too,” you respond, pushing yourself off the bed and walking to stand in front of him by the door.

“You should know by now that a knock on the door is the only greeting I give. But seriously, I think at this point an Upward Turn staff member would be able to help you more than I can.”

“I-” you stutter, unsure what to say. “Do you mean right now?”

“No, silly,” he laughs. “Well, not at this moment anyway. It’s ten right now, so I would input you as ready to be transferred, you would get your staff member and new room, you’d pack up your suitcase, and then we move you up into your room. We can only move you once you’re processed as a transfer, and that takes at least an hour to be complete.”

He walks over to the table you guys sat at during your first meeting and pulled out the chair. “I’ll input you as a transfer now, and then we can go do something.”

You take the seat opposite him, still surprised you were moving up a floor. He pulls out his phone, and without looking up from it asks, “Have you eaten yet?”

“Um no, I haven’t.”

“Awesome, then when I’m done with this, how about we go and get some breakfast?”

“Sounds good.”

“One last thing, do you not trust me?”

You furrow your eyebrows. “What?”

He looks up from his phone at you, raising an eyebrow as if to say ‘Really?’

“About moving on,” he clarifies, looking back down at his phone. “Do you not trust me?”

“No, of course, I trust you.”

“But?”

“But I just feel like it’s too soon, I don’t feel ready,” you mumble, for some reason feeling stupid for having your doubts.

He smiles kindly, pressing one more thing on his phone before placing it on the table. “Be honest, what more can I do for you? We’ve talked about what you were feeling, I let you have your two days of sadness before starting to slowly change those thoughts, and now, you’re at a point where you’re changing your way of thinking without me having to tell you to. Transforming that into something useful is much more suited for someone who works on The Upward Turn floor, don’t you think?”

You nod your head, shifting in your seat. “I just don’t feel completely ready yet. What if- I don’t know- what if I mess up somehow and I make it hard on him. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable with my not-ready-for-the-upward-turn-step?”

“You worry too much. But if it makes you better, let me just say that when we went through training for our floors, the staff on this floor had to receive training in the floor above us and vice versa. So if you feel you’re not completely ready, he can help you get the rest of the way there. You don’t need to worry, I’m sure you’re ready for what’ll happen up there.”

“Thanks, Renjun, that means a lot to me.” You smile at him as you lean back in your chair. “So you received training?”

He chuckles, mirroring your posture. “I wouldn’t exactly call it training so to say, more like lets all talk with people on our floor and compare ideas. For the most part, only staff on the same floor worked together, but this floor worked a little with the Upward Turn and Anger floors. We thought in order to help someone through these steps it was important to understand the steps before in case we needed to backtrack a little."

“For not having any real training, I’d say you’re all pretty good at your job.’

“Excuse you, I’m great at my job.”

---

“You ready to go?” Renjun asks, pushing the door open and leaning against the frame.

You sigh softly, nodding your head. You had never cared about leaving the rooms before, you had been too tired to care that you were leaving. But this room felt special.

Grabbing your suitcase, you walk towards him, stopping right before the door frame to look over your shoulder at the room. “Is it weird if I say I’m going to miss this room?”

“Not at all, I can imagine it’s going to be weird not seeing my handsome face every day.”

You snort, turning to face him. “Your face is the last thing I’m going to miss.”

“Ouch,” he laughs, pushing himself off the wall.

You close the door behind you, smiling softly at the playfulness between you two. Definitely going to miss this.

“So who’d you get paired with?” he asks as you walk side by side to the elevators.

“Taeil.”

He hums, nodding his head. “He’s nice. He’s kinda shy at first, but don’t let that scare you.”

“Noted,” you say, pressing the up button.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t going to miss him. Granted, you probably would have felt this way about anyone who helped you at this stage of your heartbreak, but you can’t help the gratitude you feel towards him.

“Thank you again,” you say as you step into the elevator.

He chuckles, shaking his head. “You don’t need to thank me, this is my job.”

The elevator dings open, and you both walk silently to your assigned room. After struggling to open the door the first time, you push the door open to the new room.

You nod your head, looking around the new room. Every room looked pretty much the same with simple layout changes.For the first time since you got here you appreciate the familiarity.

“I know, you said I don’t have to thank you,” you say, turning to face him. “But I can’t tell you how much this means to me. I have this habit where I tend to, for lack of a better word, idolize people who help me. Since this whole thing happened, I decided I should tell people when they do something for me that I appreciate. So I really appreciate the support you’ve given me throughout this. It means the world.”

He smiles brightly and your heart hurts a little as you realize this is one of the last times you’ll see his smile. Throughout the days you’ve spent with him, you failed to realize how beautiful his smile is. You were too busy dealing with everything happening inside you, you never stopped to appreciate how much he smiled.

The world needs more people like Renjun.

“I’m glad I could help you y/n, you were a pleasure to work with. And there’s no need to idolize me, I’m just doing a good job so I can continue to buy food using the company card.”

You laugh, looking down at your hands. “That’s a fair point, I can’t say I would do any different.”

“I’m glad you could see things my way.” He nods his head, letting a second of silence pass between you two before he points his thumb behind him towards the door. “Well, I’m going to get going, okay? I’ll see you at check out.”

You nod your head, whispering a ‘bye,’ as he turns and walks towards the door.

It feels weird knowing you’ll hold him in your memory as this great guy and he’ll only remember you as a client. I guess in some ways he is my idol.

“Hey, Renjun?”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever pass me on the street or something, promise me you’ll say hi?”

He smiles brightly at you. “Of course, y/n. I’ll see you at the gathering with all your other employees before you go, okay?”

You nod your head, waving a final goodbye to Renjun. With one last smile, he’s gone. Breathing in deeply, you turn to look at your new room. Letting out your breath, you smile to yourself as you realize the feelings of numbness aren’t as strong as before.

After dreaming for so long, let’s start anew.

---

Thank you to @pastelsicheng (who I appreciate so much for the detailed revisions and having a lovely tea conversation with), @jenoremii, and @0606-hyuck for proofreading this for me!

I had so much fun writing this and I would love to know what you guys thought of it. Thank you so much for reading and have a wonderful day/night!

Masterlist

#neohbh #nct-writers #huang renjun x reader #gender neutral reader #nct renjun #huang renjun #nct imagines #nct scenarios #kim doyoung #nct doyoung #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

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reading-writing-revolution · 4 years ago

Text

American’s Empathy Problem

“Is our national empathy—our care and love and concern for one another—at such a low level that we are not truly feeling, in our bones, in our hearts, and in our souls, the magnitude of the loss?” Any how could we? We, as a nation, have been driven into a perpetual state of what I have been calling "survival mode". This has been taking place over the last 40 years, when the pursuit of money replaced almost every other passion in the United States of America. Thanks, Reagan.

And every year, the rich get richer and you and I have less and less. It may not feel like it - we're constantly reminded that the stock market is the end-all, be-all of the economy, and as long as the stock market is doing well, America is fine. Except this is a lie.

40 years ago, your hourly wage or your salary, your benefits and your pension were what mattered. Maybe you got a company car. Maybe you had a great union. Maybe you could be a plumber and have a great house, or you could do two years of college and have a comfortable life. Maybe you had a good paying union job at a factory, and your life was pretty good. All that ended with the Reagan years, with a shift to money over everything, with a divestation of pensions and shift of your guaranteed money to a 401k, where you invested in stocks and bonds that enriched other people while leaving you in a precarious situation (especially with the Dot Com bubble burst in 1999 and then the housing bubble burst in 2008). Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous came out in the 1980s, teasing everyone in America with the dream of untold riches and a third yacht. And Americans bought into it, all while companies increasingly free of unions shipped jobs overseas to cheaper labor markets and fewer regulations, taking decent paying jobs and transferring them to Asian sweatshops. There's a reason Made in China became a bad joke - because your good job cost your company too much, so they shitcanned you and gave it to someone who will do the same work for pennies on the dollar.

This drove up profits, but not wages and salaries. Wages and salaries haven't kept pace with profits, unless your in a top tier status, and 90+% of us are not. So, we learned to compete with each other. We got a little meaner, worked a little harder, buying into the idea that we could achieve a life of leisure by working ourselves to death, playing cutthroat with everyone around us, and trying to climb a mountain made of other climbers. NFL salaries went through the roof. Movie stars started raking in zillions, and then with the internet, the whole world tried to go viral to catch a ride to stardom and wealth. Everything in life became about stuff and status, material wealth and fancy cars and trucks and vacations, driven by showing off on the internet through every platform possible.

And in the meantime, while we were all trying to stay afloat and also simultaneously scale that magic mountain to fame and fortune, and most of us failing, we started worshipping the people who succeeded as if they were some kind of gods. and those of us who were sacrificed along the way to Capitalist glory, first our warfighters, now our healthcare workers, we also worshipped like sacrificial cows, martyrs to the sacred cash cow. We believed that if we wore little yellow ribbons or said things like "Black Lives Matter", we could show our sympathy and love to those we willingly sacrifice while selfishly focusing on staying afloat amidst a sea of failing healthcare, crumbling infrastructure, rampant inequality, the rise of authoritarianism and mass death due to negligence and simple disinterest.

We're so focused on ourselves and trying to get ahead that we know everything about the next Lotto and nothing about why our country is falling apart. We click a little "care" icon on Facebook, but we can't be bothered to take any action to help our neighbors, unless said neighbors die on our doorstep.

We've gone from a prosperous nation with struggles to a failing state facing disaster, and along the way, over the last 40 years, we were all duped into thinking that with hard work and a belief in America, we could get ahead. We forgot about each other, even when we watched 350,000 of us die, the economy tank and democracy nearly end.

That's what happened to empathy. We killed it ourselves because we believed in the golden calf, not in the healing of the sick and the caring of the needy. And it's not even a Christian thing, but that's maybe the best illustration of where we've gone wrong. When you see most of the nation citing passages from the Old Testament instead of the New Testament, you can understand. There's no empathy in the Old Testament . The Old Testament is about an angry, vindictive, jealous god; the New Testament is about acceptance, love, empathy, kindness and caring. I'm an atheist, but I'll take the New Testament any day.

But we're in survival mode now - all of us, even the ones doing well, because we spend every dime we have on crap. Because our whole lifestyle is about stuff, not people. Our most recent government was defined by the pursuit of power and riches, not service to people. Our political leaders all too often nowadays reflect our basest selves and what our new values are: me.

There's no "us" in "me" just like there's no "us" in "America" anymore. E pluribus unum? Ha. We don't even say that anymore. We say "In God we trust." Old Testament thinking. Everyone serves one master - in this case God. No one served Jesus. He was the servant. That's New Testament thinking. E pluribus unum is New Testament thinking. We have to change everything about who we are if we're ever going to live with ourselves after what we did.

Meanwhile, I’m still an atheist, but I referencing the Bible will help a lot of Americans see what is meant by the empathy problem.

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potatotrash0 · 4 years ago

Note

Your DR magic AU, hand it over 🤲

Okay I have two other anons and I’m just gonna split the character ideas among the three asks. I don’t quite have a plot thought out, and most of these characters’ concepts have only existed in my head up until now...bare with me skdjksjfkd

Mm I talked about them briefly in Prom’s ask? But here’s a more in-depth thing of the THH fighting styles.

Makoto is a mage-type. (I used fighter, support, and mage to describe the various adventurer types it’s temporary just roll with it) Again, he can’t really hold magic for very long? He’s got a large mana reserve but it’s hard to activate and harder to control, so he’s currently working on mastering the little bullets. In the future, I imagine large barrages of bullets would sort of circle around him like they would in the barrel of a gun.

He probably got in accidentally? I’m not entirely sure about this, but I think there’s an entrance exam for Reserve Courses and he was probably forced in on Komaru’s behalf for some reason.

He was basically running the entire time until the very end when he panicked and suddenly the entire field was wiped clean from him waving his arm. HPA saw that, decided that he was worth training, and put him into the Main Course. He doesn’t feel very good about getting in that way, but HPA isn’t exactly empathetic like he is. Again this is like one of three ways I think he could’ve gotten in with the rest of the cast because I’m indecisive skdjsjf

Kyoko is another mage-type, in general the Main Gangs of each game have various themes. THH’s trio has a magic theme, they all use magic. She doesn’t use a weapon, though I’m thinking her gloves act as a limiter of sorts?

As a general rule, more mana means less control, and being half-demon gives her a lot of it. Her gloves help her regulate her mana output so that she doesn’t use too much of it when attacking and tire herself out. Later in the timeline, I imagine there might be a scene where she takes them off and fights off some enemies to buy the rest of the class time to escape something? She would get trapped in the process, but I think this would happen after she’s worked with Makoto for a while and she would trust him enough to believe he would come back for her if she didn’t return.

Oh this isn’t related to her fighting style but on the topic of her being half-demon, that’s mainly because I thought it was boring for everyone to be human and I’m a big sucker for fantasy species so yeah. She’s a cambion.

She has purple-tinted skin, horns that curl up and are fairly close to her head, a thin pointed tail, pointed ears, her pupils are slitted, she’s got carnivore-style teeth, her nails are longer and sharper by default. Whenever she uses the full extent of her magic, her scleras turn dark purple and her irises turn white. Oh yeah her scars came from an accident she had when she was young where her magic got out of control and burned her hands. Her mom’s the demon by the way, for no particular reason, I just thought that the Kirigiris would stay human in this and I don’t know anything about her mom’s side of the family.

I just realized I never said Makoto’s race skdjks he’s human!! He and Komaru just happen to be a special case and have a lot of mana. Most other humans in this AU aren’t so lucky. (cough hinata cough cough)

Byakuya, again, uses magic. He’s the only one who uses a weapon in the Trio, he uses a staff specially made by the Togami family. He also knows how to use a sword and a bow.

I haven’t put too much thought into him, but I know for a fact that his adventuring outfit would have a big sweeping cape later in the timeline. In the beginning though, he just has a stupid expensive suit. The cape comes in later as he, Kyoko, and Makoto start to group up more and more.

I’ve decided that adventurers in this AU group up just as often as they go solo, and while Byakuya would initially be solo, he would deem Makoto and Kyoko strong enough to work with whenever they’re taking on a difficult job.

Groups would change to have matching designs the longer they’re partnered up, and capes/cloaks happen to be the THH Trio’s Thing, as in all three of them would have a cape/cloak of some sort. Byakuya because he’s pretentious, Makoto because he thinks it looks cool, and Kyoko because she uses the cloak for practical reasons like storing things and keeping a low profile when needed. Oh and Byakuya’s bloodline is of royal elven descent, their business is selling spellbooks, runestones, potions, reagents, any magical item you could think of.

Sayaka is a half-siren mage! She mostly uses charm and illusionary magic, as well as healing so that she can support her allies. Later on, she might learn water magic so she can actually deal damage as well. I haven’t decided on her weapon of choice, perhaps she uses a lyre or casts spells from a book. I’m also debating having her learn hand-to-hand combat instead of water magic?

I just like the idea of someone coming up and trying to challenge her, thinking they’ll beat her easily, and barely getting a hit in before she kicks their legs out from under them and tosses them over her shoulder like they weigh nothing. She deserves to take out people twice her size and be menacing, as a treat for the amount of disrespect she gets in the fandom. And I want her to take Leon down a peg because he definitely acts a little like a cocky frat boy sometimes.

Speaking of Leon, we’ve got our first fighter-type!!! I could have him use a baseball bat but that’s boring so I’m thinking he might utilize items as well as a weapon? Bombs or grenades that look like a baseball and explode on impact, baseballs that ignite when thrown and act as fire balls. Alas, I don’t think about him much so this is all just me throwing ideas to see what sticks.

Whatever the case, the main thing I know would happen is that he frequently gets help from Kazuichi and Miu because he just cannot for the life of him stop breaking his equipment. He’s reckless and rushes into battle and now that he doesn’t have Kanon to stop him from setting stuff on fire all the time, he gets detention a lot. (And no she isn’t into him like in canon, I refuse to acknowledge that she ever was.)

Chihiro......they can’t fight djfjsjfjjf. They specialize in making tech and weapons, and in the beginning, would mainly use robots that they programmed to support their allies. Though, they do end up training with Mondo, Sakura, and Aoi to help them become better at combat, and eventually they join everyone else on the front lines as a ranged fighter/support type.

Also, the robots would kinda follow them around like pets. Cute little guys that can also shoot lasers. The robots are powered by mana crystals and each one has a different personality and magic type! Sometimes they follow around different people, the electric one took a liking to Mondo and you’ll see it floating around while he works out. They’re buds.

On the topic of Mondo, he’s another fighter-type! He’s more hand-to-hand combat. A controlled berserker, if you will. Probably started out fighting guys in his hometown and progressed to clearing out monsters when Daiya got concerned about his temper? Perhaps. Maybe. I do not think about Daiya I apologize.

Oh wait hold on. I’m looking at his character art and he’s got a hammer.........it’s decided he uses a warhammer, the biggest one they’ve got, and it’s probably a mana-based weapon. Specifically electric. He and that lil robot wipe the battlefield with their opponents >:D

Taka is probably a fighter-type? I can’t for the life of me find where I read this, but apparently he’s really good at self-defense so I imagine he does hand-to-hand combat as well as sword-fighting for the Noble Paladin Aesthetic.

Hifumi was originally a mage-type, but upon second thought, I’m making him a support-type who uses items and potions and stuff! I like the idea of him making fun little bottles and potions themed after his favorite animes and mangas..........he also definitely helped everyone design their adventurer outfits. He’s the only reason that Makoto’s outfit isn’t boring as hell.

Celeste is, of course, a mage-type. She’s Miss Lolita of course I have to make her an ethereal magic user alright also I love her and I love mages let me have this skfjdkjf. As for her weapon, my first thought was her having playing cards that she throws HxH style?

Or she could summon goons to fight for her, playing into the whole loyal servant dream she has. They would be vaguely themed after the cards, so there would be a jack, king, queen, and joker, all of different magic types depending on the suit of the card she throws. Electric for a spade, fire for a heart, ice for a diamond, something along those lines.

I’m also considering having her little...finger armor thing? I’m thinking of having that cross into her magic, where she attacks with claw-like things formed out of mana. Of course she could also just. Use the cards to cast spells directly skdjksjfkhf

Sakura is definitely a fighter-type. Again, hand-to-hand style, but I imagine she’s more controlled and strategic than Mondo. I can’t see her using a weapon, so I guess she’s like one of the only characters to fight exclusively with fists.

Mukuro’s a ranged fighter-type, but she can also do melee. She uses magic-based guns, ones that shoot mana infused bullets. They have a variety of effects depending on the type of bullet and magic. (I’m not a gun person so take this with a grain of salt.)

Bullets that break apart might be laced with electric magic so that they can shock a target from several points, or fire magic if she’s aiming to start a fire quickly. Exploding bullets are usually used with fire magic, but she might switch to ice if she wants to create a barrage of ice shards for...some reason, I don’t know. There’s more combinations I could probably make, but I’m. Not here to spend an hour researching guns. Not right now at least, who knows what I’ll want info on in the future.

Mmmmmm I’m starting to lose patience here so forgive me for the shorter explanations. I might throw in a fun fact about them for ✨ flavor ✨

Junko’s a fighter/mage-type! She uses a scythe and laces the blade with magic. She could combine it with fire magic to create a flaming scythe and go nuts with it, or she could just channel general mana and slam the blade into the ground to create a big crack in the ground.

There’s about an 80% chance she gets several weapons later in the timeline. Her scythe, a spear, possibly a gun. Monokuma probably exists, I like to think Junko ran into a smarter monster and tamed it and kept it as a slightly feral pet.

Also, yes, she’s still a big adrenaline junkie who gets off on despair. If you see her fighting things she knows are out of her league, mind your business.....actually, call someone to help before she gets herself killed. Please.

I haven’t decided what Aoi will be just yet? I’m veering towards fighter/mage-type, she could use water magic and maybe a leg-based fighting style. Possibly judo or taekwondo. I.....do not have any ideas for her. However I do know that she and Sakura would have a bunch of combo moves together dkfjkejfkdjjd

Toko is a mage-type! She probably uses a book to cast spells from. Or just uses her hands. She would fight ranged, I don’t think she’d want to be up in the action. Too much stress for her, y’know? I

As for Syo, she fight differently than Toko! She technically uses dual swords, but the swords can also connect to create a giant pair of scissors. Again, this is just sort of a fun character thing, but she gets to hate Byakuya in this AU. They have arguments and get on each other’s nerves a lot, but I think the rest of the class usually separates them before anything serious happens.

At some point after Toko befriends Komaru, I like to think that Syo gets a proper fight scene with Byakuya where she rips into him. I don’t think Toko would want to hurt anyone though, even him, so Syo would probably leave him with a few minor cuts at most.

Afterwards, I think Byakuya would quiet down with the insults with Naegi and Kyoko’s requests. (Well. Naegi asked him to try and be nicer because he was worried that they might fight again. Kyoko just bluntly told him that he needed to stop being a jerk and start considering everyone else’s feelings.)

Skfksjfkdh ah. I also like to think Komaru and Toko were initially partnered up by HPA for a job. They were assigned to deal with a couple of school kids wreaking havoc on a nearby city with some monsters they semi-tamed?

But after finishing the job, they decided to partner up permanently on their own. They probably have a few combo moves that Komaru came up with, Toko tweaked them to make them actually possible with their skill set and weapons.

Hiro is...possibly a mage/support-type? He’s probably a bit cowardly and freaks out when on the front lines, but he can use a crystal ball to attack from afar. I’m also considering giving him tarot cards so that he can toss them and attack from several points at once?

Or the ball could shatter at some point during the story and he could just roll with it and spread the shards out during battle to attack from several points at once. They could also be used to create a magic cage of sorts, like electric fence but only electricity.

Okay that’s everybody oh my god. I have plenty more stuff about this au, this isn’t even half of it trust me lmao. I’m sorry about this being so long I didn’t realize it’d be this wordy!!!!!

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youngmasterwisdomperson · 4 years ago

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Okay so @cosmermaid made this post where she made a cosmere-sona based on certain circumstances of her life and my brain won’t let me focus on anything else until I do so as well so here we go. This is probably gonna get really self-indulgent so be warned. It started off as “Let’s make a Cosmere world hopper based on my irl personality and backstory” and soon morphed into “how my obsession with the mechanics of investiture would inevitably drive my Cosmere self to seek mastery over every form of magic they could get their hands on and basically become an immortal world-hopping storytelling demigod like Hoid but way less cool or interesting.”

So that’s what you’re in for if you keep reading. Cool? Cool.

Okay then. Without further ado,

My Cosmere-sona, I guess.

Descended from Era 2 Scadrians. Twinborn Soother (Brass Misting) and Pinnacle (Electrum Ferring), educated, raised Survivorist but converted to Pathian after deciding I liked its philosophy and means of worship a lot better. I use my Feruchemical ability to combat my ADHD, essentially magically medicating myself by regulating my determination. I didn't snap until around age 11, at which point my access to feruchemical determination made my grades skyrocket. I later world-hopped to Roshar, tried studying to be an artifabrian for about a year but decided it wasn't for me after bonding and befriending a Mistspren, becoming a Truthwatcher, after which I went and began studying to be a worldsinger, using the lightweaving aspect of my surgebinding to create realistic scenes as I tell stories and travel the cosmere seeking to constantly learn and seek truth, as my radiant oaths require. I can use the Healing part of my surgebinding and my Allomantic soothing to help nullify pain and suffering where I can, but the break in my spirit web allowing me to bond my spren in the first place that comes from *ahem* certain mental health issues never lets me believe what I do is enough. I also have a Seon with whom I communicate with my various friends throughout the cosmere and keep up to date with news.

I mostly operate from Scadriel, using the Mists to fuel my surgebinding because it's a lot safer and more convenient than whatever Roshar has going on. I frequently talk for hours and hours with either my spren, my Seon, or someone on the other side of said Seon at absurdly late hours of night, and I'm still waiting on Harmony's response on why I couldn't have been born a bronze compounder so I wouldn't have to sleep, or with electrum Allomancy instead of brass so I could have infinite determination and become a productivity GOD.

I would buy breaths from Nalthis if I had the money to do it, but alas, being a world-hopping worldsinger, though spiritually fulfilling, isn't the most lucrative of occupations. Such is life. I'm currently working on figuring out how to use the investiture I get from surgebinding the Scadrian Mists to fuel my allomancy and feruchemy as well, possibly increasing my investment and making me potentially a full mistborn and feruchemist, but that's a work in progress. And it's not like Harmony is being very helpful by giving me any answers. What's wrong God? Afraid of what I'll do with bronze and electrum compounding? Huh? Coward. Anyway I think I'll be much more easily able to seek truth if I can allomantically track active investiture, increase my sensory sharpness, have infinite memory, determination, bodily energy, and mental speed, and all that other stuff Feruchemy adds for dealing with various environments. And if my current method works I should be able to learn to fuel said abilities entirely off of the Mists or Stormlight, which is really exciting. And maybe if I do that I can go to Nalthis, buy one (1) breath to get an investiture sample, and use Nicrosil compounding to get as much Nathian investiture as I want! That'd be cool. But for now I guess I'll just use my magic the same as everyone else.

This has been me making a Cosmere-sona, I guess. Thanks for bearing with me. I swear it wasn’t my intent to make an absurdly powerful character. I did twinborn because that seemed to suit the setting I’d chosen to represent my place of birth, era 2 Scadriel, and I wasn’t about to make a completely uninvested character. That’d be boring. Then I figured the best Cosmere equivalents of the professions Engineer and Teacher were Artifabrian and Worldsinger, and I figured if I was gonna spend an extended amount of time on Roshar I may as well bond a spren. Got mental health issues so I qualify for a Nahel bond and in that case why not? Took the official quiz and it was between Truthwatcher and Edgedancer and I decided the prior suited me better so I went with that. Then I got into my own head in such a scenario, and decided if I was gonna fulfill my Truthwatcher oaths I’d have to seek further knowledge, and that led me toward learning about investiture by observing the intersections between surgebinding and Allomancy and Feruchemy as I inevitably played with my powers. And I’ve contemplated such topics more than once on this blog so that led me to using Mistlight to fuel all my investitures and enhance my existing investments, which I figure would inevitably lead my Cosmere self to figuring out how to use surgebinding-based access to large amounts of Scadrian investiture to increase my investment in both my metallic arts and gain access to the rest of the metals as a result, at which point I figured I may as well get Investiture bingo and use Mistlight-fueled Nicrosil compounding to make more breaths after getting a sample of Nalthian investiture and reach at least the fifth heightening so I could become immortal. And that’s why twinborn world hoppers are op if they’re dedicated enough to learning about how magic works. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#cosmere #mistborn #the stormlight archive #investiture #Cosmere-sona I guess #self indulgent

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greenkratomcbdfacts · 3 years ago

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joy1579 · 5 years ago

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Hi there!! I love your hc so much! I was wondering if you could write hc of rva+v and saeran with MC who’s really sensitive?? Like she will cry if you raise your voice, and when she sees cute stuff. Its fine if you don’t want to, thank you tho!!

okay so thing is i don’t write V he hits a bit close to home for me so rather than put myself through the ugly self analysis i just regulate that to my councilor sorry! that being said I am more than happy to write the rest of the characters for you. I hope I did your request justice and you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

The RFA + Saeran with super sensitive MC

Jumin

- It took him some getting used to which isn’t to say he disliked it. It was reliving that he never had to guess how you were feeling. You wore your heart on your sleeves.

- He doesn’t raise his voice often. More often than not what gets you is the ices in his voice when he’s frustrated. The curtness of his words and the cold calculation in his eyes.

- He notices your shaking hands first and how watery your eyes are second. The first time it happens he shuts down completely frozen by the thought that he had hurt you, or scared you.

- Slowly he notices this happens often and he learns what to do to calm you down. He learns that your tears don’t all mean the same thing. Sometimes you cry when he gives you the perfect gift or when you are introduced to the kittens you foster.

- He falls in love with your happy tears and vows to hold you when the sad tears come.

- Look he has no self- control when it comes to buying you things and I absolutely think he has a silk handkerchief dedicated to drying your eye’s

- You have to admit its soft and cute (royal purple with a small Elizabeth the third on one corner)

- His comforting is gentle and calm. Slow and methodical. He hushes you his thumb rubbing soothing circles into you hand as you pulled yourself together. He was ever patient and loving. A strong and stable force you could rely on.

- Honestly your sensitivity helps him soften up considerably since he learns to be more connected and aware of things that may hurt your feeling (and by extension other peoples)

Yoosung

- He gets it. Sorta. He understands tearing up when people fight or fling mean words like mud. he gets that way too and he definitely sympathizes with you when you mention people teasing you for being so sensitive.

- The parts he doesn’t understand is why you cry when your happy. The first time he saw it was when you met lisa. She was so small and cute and she was yours, well yours and yoosung’s but that just made it more emotional!

- He rushes to you searching for anything he could do to help he’s talking a mile a minute asking you a string of nearly unintelligible questions to find out what was wrong. Once you explained that they were happy tears he looks a little lost but definitely relieved.

- He can get a bit carried away when he gets jealous and while he doesn’t technically yell his voice gets darker and rougher. He doesn’t do it one purpose of course and the second he hears your breath hitch.

- When you get down like that wipes away your tears with his thumb and apologizes he works hard to make his voice quieter and gentler as he whispers an endless string of reassurance and love. Anything to make up for making you cry.

- He has an entire YouTube playlist of your favorite “faith in humanity restored” videos to make you smile after bad days since being sensitive can make the world seem harsh sometimes.

Saeyoung

- When he’s frustrated he tends to snap at people and that can sometimes include you. In the beginning he was so focused on his work he didn’t notice your sniffles and soft breath catching on the knot in your throat

- The first time he saw you cry because of something he said was through CCTV when you left with tears in your eyes. he was sure you’d never come back. When you did come back he apologized quietly guilt clear on his face as he refused to make eye contact.

- Those days were rough on you as he tried constantly to push you away only to apologize stiffly when he saw you hurt. Once you’ve been together a while it gets better though.

- He’s perfected the art of spinning your emotions on their head the second he sees your eye’s tear up he starts working to make you laugh.

- A meme, or well-timed joke can have you laughing even as the tears stream down your face and he truly believes that kind of duality is simultaneously divine and so utterly human that he prays he gets to see it every day for the rest of his life.

- “Going from crying to laughing that fast and hard happens maybe five times in your life and that extreme right turn is the reason why we are alive, and I believe it extends our life by many years.” ― Amy Poehler, Yes Please

- If it’s serious he’ll hold you in his lap and rest his chin on your head so you feel completely surrounded by him. In these moment he lets you cry yourself out simply holding you quietly.

Zen

- Zen doesn’t yell. Yelling is not a strong enough term for it. This man is used to projecting his voice through entire theaters so when he gets worked up enough to lose control of the volume of his voice it can be legitimately frightening

- Your covering your ears and squeezing your eyes shut just to stop yourself from outright sobbing even though his screaming isn’t directed towards you at all. When he hears your choked sob he spins on his heals

- He kisses away your tears like the hopeless romantic mess he is. Also your kisses fill him with a bubbly sort of warm happiness so he hopes you feel the same way.

- From then on he tries very hard to keep himself under control around you. He’s a passionate and fiery personality but he never wants to upset you like that. It still happens sometimes but they are fewer and farther between every time.

- When he sees you crying over a panda cub on a zoo date he can’t help but chuckle at you. Your so cute he’s not sure he can breathe and he certainly can’t see straight because all he wants is to kiss you silly.

- He compares you to the princess from the princess and the pea saying your sensitivity is proof of how observant and soft hearted you are. It shows how much you care about people. “you really are a princess!”

Jaehee

- Is surprised and stiff at first she’s mentioned before that she’s not great with emotions but she desperately wants to help you so she tries. Problem is she’s trying really hard to be a good “friend” and the fact that your clinging to her tightly and crying sniffling into her shoulder is making that difficult.

- *pat pat* there there (don’t do anything gay don’t do anything gay) *kisses you* (damn it)

- She’s not sure why she did that really. But your so shocked you’ve stopped crying. She cant decide if that’s a good thing or not until you break out into a giggling smile. You wipe your eyes and say “if I knew crying would be the thing that got you to kiss me I wouldn’t have hid away so much”

- From that moment on you didn’t run and hide when you felt yourself getting a bit weepy because every time she noticed your tear glazed eye’s she’s smile fondly and use her apron or sleeve to wipe away your tears

- She asks you what’s wrong and listens patiently as you explain holding your hands in hers. When you’ve worked through all the emotions she gives you the smallest peck on the lips and makes sure to fix whatever she can.

- If she can’t fix it then she’ll offer what advice she can and remind you that it’s okay to take a break if you need one. After all you are the one that taught her the importance of breaks after all so she wants to return the favor if you ever feel overwhelmed.

Saeran

- Your sensitivity drew him to you to be honest. It gave you a kinship though after mint eye he was a little hesitant to admit he was cut from the same cloth so to speak. The way you managed to thrive and grow and be strong despite your sensitivity is what gave him the courage to leave mint eye in the first place

- Listen this boy loves you. So much so the instant he sees you crying he’s fighting tears too. On his bad days this can cause him to lash out. Better to seem angry than weak right. Wrong! now your crying more and he feels guilty. (he’s still got a lot of left over shit to sort through okay but he’s working on it)

- He swears at himself and pulls you against his chest where he holds you so tight you can barely breath one hand on the small of your back and the other on the back of your head so you can’t pull your face away and see how angry at himself he is. (it would be very counter intuitive right now)

- He’s not good at feelings okay, but he’s willing to step out of his comfort zone for you.

- Not to mention he understands the sensitivity to certain things after his childhood and time at mint eye he understands triggers all too well and even though it’s not exactly the same he’s not about to fault you for being sensitive.

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orangeoctopi7 · 5 years ago

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Stupid Teen Emotions

@forduary Week three is travel/trapped. In this story, Stan and Ford TRAVEL back to the past, where they become TRAPPED! It fits!

Chapter 1: Back in My Day

They didn’t sleep well, that first night. Ford stayed up late, because of course he would have stayed up into the wee hours of the night working on his perpetual motion machine in the original timeline. But he barely touched the project. With the knowledge he had now, he could probably build the whole thing tonight, but that would, of course, be changing the timeline. A younger Ford had learned a lot, working so hard and so long on this machine, and future Ford didn’t want to deprive his past self of that important lesson. So instead, he began writing, racking his brain for anything he could remember of January, 1969.

Stan tried to sleep at first, but he just couldn't. He was too anxious and excited, all rolled into one. So he instead dug out a few of his old comic books that never got thrown away.

They both must have fallen asleep at some point, because come morning, there was a rapping at the door that woke them both with a start.

“Get up, you two! You’re gonna be late for school!” A woman with a thick Jersey accent yelled through the door.

“M-mom?” Ford’s head lifted blearily off his desk.

“Wow, you are really taking the whole ‘stick to the timeline’ thing seriously.” Stan mused from his bottom bunk.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep at my desk…” Ford groaned.

“You never do, Sixer, you never do.”

They marched downstairs and into the kitchen, where their mother had a breakfast of hot cinnamon and apple oatmeal waiting for them. Stan was so happy to see her, he ran over and hugged her, pecking a swift kiss on her cheek.

"Aww, sweetie!" She planted a kiss on his forehead. "I'm still not paying your parking ticket." She added flatly.

"What parking ticket?" Stan asked, confused. "Oh, um, I mean, drat."

Ford was too tired to even work up the energy to be happy to see his mother. As he sat down, he automatically reached for the coffee pot. But a rolled up newspaper smacked his hand away.

“What d’you think you’re doin’?” Caryn asked, eyebrow raised.

“... getting my morning coffee?” Ford answered, addled.

“How many times do I have to tell you, honey? No coffee ‘til you’re 18. It’ll stunt your growth!”

Ford looked like he was about to have a fit.

“Wait, are we not 18?” Stan asked quickly. Luckily, his parents ignored his out-of-place comment.

“Ya don’t need coffee, ya need more sleep!” Filbrick grunted from behind his newspaper.

“You both drink ten cups a day!” Ford argued, his voice cracking again.

“That’s cuz we’re adults.” Filbrick growled, “Once you’re old an’ decrepit, you can drink all the coffee ya want.”

“Trust me, he will.” Stan said flatly.

Ford kicked him under the table. Hard. Stan cried out.

“Can it, you two!” Caryn scolded them, “You’ll wake up Shermie. I don’t wanna have to deal with three crying babies.”

The brothers finished their breakfast sullenly but quietly, and grabbed their backpacks before heading out the door.

“Think we should leave Shermie a note warning him to watch out for time travelers?” Stan asked as he fished out his keys to the STNLYMBL. “Y’know, for when he’s older?”

“Then Dipper and Mabel will be born later than 2000.” Ford reminded him irritably.

“Right.” Stan smacked himself. “Man, this sucks! Why time travel if we can’t make things better?”

Ford’s only reply was a surly sigh as he turned to the cafe next door.

“Hey, where’re you goin’?” Stan asked.

“To get some coffee!”

“Seriously, Sixer? Hot Belgian Waffles is next door, Mrs. DuBios will rat you out to Ma for sure!”

Ford heaved an even more enraged sigh that bordered on a growl, and turned on his heal to get into Stan’s car, slamming the door shut.

“Whoa, easy, we’ll just stop by the donut place on the boardwalk.” Stan reassured him as he started the car. “What’s gotten into you?”

The scientist groaned and pulled his fingers through his curly brown hair. “I don’t know! Normally it’s simple to just focus on my intellect and control my emotions, but it just isn’t working now for some reason!”

“‘Control’ your emotions, or bottle them up?” Stan muttered. Ford shot him a withering glare. “Shoot, I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Why do I keep doin’ that?”

“And the only reason I’m so mad in the first place is because I’m so tired!” Ford continued to rant, “I got at least four hours of sleep last night, it doesn’t make any sense!”

“Heh, guess teen Ford isn’t used to old man Ford’s space-sleep schedule. Or lack of sleep schedule, anyway.”

Ford’s face brightened into his ‘a-ha!’ expression. “Stanley, that’s it!”

“What?”

“The reason I’m having such a hard time regulating my emotions, and the reason you can’t keep your mouth shut even more than usual! We may still have our minds from 2013, but our bodies are teenagers in the middle of puberty. Our hormone levels are magnitudes higher than what we’ve become accustomed to.”

“Great. Goin’ through puberty again. Just what everyone wants outta time travel.”

They pulled up to the donut shop on the boardwalk. Stan poked around in his seat and found a quarter, which he handed to Ford. Suddenly, his brother looked unsure.

“Stan, maybe you should hang onto this. You’re going to need all the money you can get, come summer.”

“It’s a freaking quarter, Poindexter.”

“Yeah, but a quarter is worth a lot more in 1969 than it will be in 2013! This is almost a whole gallon of gas!”

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ten minutes ago you were about to have a meltdown because you couldn't get your morning coffee, just buy it, Ford!”

“Fine, but I’ll pay for it myself.”

“With what money, genius? You didn’t have a job in high school because you were too busy with your academic science nerd stuff! Now go buy yourself a cup of coffee, or I’ll make you walk the rest of the way to school.”

Ford frowned, but took the quarter. He couldn’t help but feel guilty as he got his cup of coffee. How could he or anyone else have ever said that Stan was the lazy one, when Stan was the only one who’d ever had a ‘real’ job? Even to this day, Ford had never had what anyone would call a normal job, barring that one summer he’d been a lifeguard at a waterpark in a dolphin-dominant dimension. He’d always relied on scholarships and grants and accademia, which was hard work, in its own way, but still. It certainly wasn’t what his father would have called a real job. While traveling across dimensions, he’d relied on trading information and knowledge, building and selling inventions, and even, occasionally, stealing.

Stan was the one who’d gotten a minimum wage, part-time job selling popsicles on the beach. Stan was the one who’d entered local semi-pro boxing matches and brought home winnings. Stan was the one who’d saved up for his own car.

“Ar-are you crying!?” Stan exclaimed when Ford climbed back into the car, cup of coffee in hand. Ford reached up to wipe his eyes, surprised as his brother to find tears there.

“Oh geez, Stanford, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so harsh, I just--” Stan began to babble.

“N-no, it’s not you.” Ford found his voice wavering as soon as he tried to speak. “It’s just-- gah, I’m so stupid! Stupid hormonal chemical imbalance!”

Ford tried to keep himself from crying anymore by taking a big gulp of coffee. It wasn’t very good, and it was just this side of warm, but it instantly improved his mood.

“Ah, there’s that good dopamine.”

“Better?”

“Much. Let’s go. I think we’re already late.”

Despite the fact that they were ten minutes late, there were still several students milling about when they arrived at the school. The twins felt like they should stick out like a sore thumb, but nobody paid them any mind.

“Ugh, never thought I’d come back here.” Stan grumbled.

“Well, look on the bright side!” Ford reassured him, “Now that you’ve studied quantum physics and run your own business for thirty years, Math and Science classes should be a breeze!”

“Hey, yeah! I can’t wait to see the look on Mr. Grauberger’s face when I can tell him exactly how much interest $300 will accumulate over 20 years!” But he paused. “Wait, what about changin’ the timeline? Pretty sure I never answered questions in class.”

“Oh, it wouldn’t make that much of a difference.” Ford scoffed. “Even if you get 100% on every quiz while we’re here, I don’t think it’d be enough to bring your grade up past a C, and you’ll be dropping out before graduation anyway.”

“Oh yeah….” Stan’s good mood quickly washed away.

Ford rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We know it all works out in the end.”

“Yeah…” Stan agreed, “but there was still a lot of heartache gettin’ there.”

#Gravity Falls #Fanfiction #Forduary 2020 #Stanford PInes #Stanley Pines #My Writing

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evohealed · 5 years ago

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◀ STUDY: REX & NANITES ▶

Let me preface this by saying these are all thoughts and headcanons that have been building up over a long period of time. As of writing this post, it’s like 3 am, so beware spelling errors and stuff, and a bit disorganized in terms of structure. Buuut that’s how I roll, so ... Ready? Here we go~!

DO NOT REBLOG THIS.

So nanites. They’re in everything in the world of generator rex. Some have come to be incredibly dependant on them, and some try to reject them entirely. The world seems to still fear nanites bc they don’t know what all they can do or are capable of. Be it twisting other people’s DNA and mutating them, or what have you -- the facts are clear. Every living being has to come and learn to function with them. Now, most living things can function just fine if you remove or deactivate their nanites. They’ll just get reinfected by them anyways, they’re unavoidable; even if they replenish slowly, they usually come back. And you can survive without them entirely.

Unless you’re Rex Salazar.

Now, I know in the show they had Van Kleiss take his nanites a few times for drama’s sake, but if I have to be totally honest? I don’t buy that bullshit. It was just drama to be drama; we’re shown time and time again that Rex is essentially a fountain of beta nanites. On top of that, the nanites were said to have saved his life when he was young, and save his body and heal it on a regular basis. But I just ... cannot believe that Rex can survive long without the nanites. His body heavily relies on the nanites to regulate his bodily functions, they’re deeply ingrained into his body, and at this point, I’m convinced that all the injuries they heal are built out of nanites themselves. Kinda like .. replacement skin, an attempt at copying / regenerating the skin, I guess? There’s just no way his natural body / skin heals that fast on it’s own, even WITH nanites; the nanites can and will kill cells and make more just to help Rex out. It looks just like skin, it FEELS just like skin .. but is it actual skin? Nah. It’s probably like a synthetic replacement. Similar to that of 3D printed organs and prosthetics-- there’s even machines out there to make 3D printed flesh. Because, you know ... Rex’s body isn’t organic in it’s powers; even his healing of EVOs is a mechanical process, so there’s absolutely NO WAY that the way his body and organs heal from any injuries is organic. It’s much more calculating and more about machines and stuff. Though I do think when the nanites heal / construct scars and replacement flesh or organs, it’s slightly discolored; they also only exert themselves to do this for big wounds. He can still get scars, and the nanites give the illusion of scars when they heal his bigger wounds. So .. I dunno, I thought they could line up. Just a neat little food for thought there.

But if this is the case, then taking all his nanites could be absolutely deadly and bad for his health. I headcanon that the nanites can make changes to his body as they please; well, they do, all the time. One such side effect of this is turning his eyes from a deep natural brown to a pretty intense ruby red. Not really sure exactly why, but as a general hc, I think that whoever goes EVO has their eye color changed to something unnatural. But when you take away those nanites, his eyes are the regular ol’ chocolate brown. Now, why do I bring this up? Well, good question -- there’s a reason, and it’s kind of a creepy one. If his eyes revert to regular ol’ brown, what else can revert?

... That’s right. All the injuries they’ve patched up, with the synthetic / replacement skin made up of those essentially 3D printed nanite made prosthetics -- they’d likely start to deteriorate. At most, with all nanites completely removed, I’d give Rex a few hours tops ( like, maybe 2? 3? ) before everything they’ve fixed starts to just ... decay away or dissolve. All his old injuries are gonna be exposed, he might even DIE without it. Having his nanites stolen was a legitimately terrifying experience for him, because he didn’t know what would happen without them -- but that’s what would happen. He was lucky he didn’t find out.

Anyways, aside from that AND moving on... we know Rex is an endless fountain of blue beta nanites. However, we often see him healing yellow nanites, and we’ve seen wwhat happens when he has too many unstable yellow nanites in his body. Why DOES his body react this way?

The answer to it is honestly mildly horrifying.

On their own, his nanites attatch themselves to the unstable ones to pull them into Rex’s own body. That’s how he “heals” EVOs; however, they can always get reinfected by nanites again. He has to have specific offloading stations just to get the excess active nanites outta him, and it’s an INCREDIBLY dangerous process to do so. The locations at which his nanites are to be offloaded are EXTREMELY remote for a reason; one wrong step, and the whole facility could literally explode from how his nanites are and react. That little tangent aside, why do the excess nanites do this to him? Why is it so excruciating and painful for him? Why is it such a flighty process? Well, you see, Rex’s nanites don’t actually turn off the unstable yellow ones. Again, what they do is ABSORB other nanites, unless they’re so unstable Rex’s can’t do a damn thing to them -- that is, they’re mutated too far and flighty, therefore rendering them as incurables ( i.e. circe, cricket, skwydd, tuck, quarry ... you get the gist. ).

Rex just so happens to have a bad habit of waiting to off load his nanites before it’s too late or just before the above happens. He’s stubborn and he will push himself to limits he really shouldn’t because Providence forces him to. So when he overloads, too many yellow nanites in them, where do they go? ... haha, trick question! They don’t have anywhere to go. So you know what happens then? They resort to something extremely painful.

They stretch and solidify Rex’s skin against his will, because all the yellow nanites are trying to basically escape his body. It twists and pulses his flesh into and out of metal, as if it can’t decide where it wants to exit, and that’s precisely what it’s doing! They wanna rip outta Rex’s flesh prison, but they have no space to go to .. so they MAKE the space as best as they can. It’s why his flesh gets so baggy and turns to practically folds of metal or whatever when he overloads. It’s excruciating because he can feel the skin stretching and solidifying, and all of his senses are going haywire as if the nanites are tryina exit his body like that one parasite from an alien movie. You know the one. big pop culture reference and all. The reason they stop when he’s put to sleep, however, is because the nanites focus on his brain waves while he’s awake to make activity. If he’s asleep, so are they; they can’t be active if he’s not fully concious.

Which reminds me ... his nanites? Definitely have a mind of their own. His nanites can and will forcefully take over his body when he’s concious to talk as him or make him do stuff, and we’ve seen it happen several times -- it’s horrifying each time, really, but you can kinda interfere and hack into them to converse or have them build machines. They can and will attack any bad cells or anything they deem unnecessary to Rex’s body; it’s likely they don’t want their vessel to come to harm, so they have taken it upon themselves to protect Rex’s body for him on numerous occasions. I believe thiis is the same reason they won’t let Rex’s body die and forcefully revive him. Yeah, the life and fate of Rex are iin their hands, and they’re not letting him die anytime soon.

Rex has mentioned he’s been able to hear the nanites talking before and that he can talk to them; this leads me to believe they’re kinda more like.. micro aliens, yknow? Oh, and by the way... You can literally talk to the nanites if you want to. It’s a little difficult to catch them but it IS possible when they forcefully take over Rex’s body to do whatever they please. More on this later, but .. you can have conversations w them and everything. Rex just won’t know it or remember it bc he totally blacks out when they take over. So yeah.

Anyyywayyys. that’s all my thoughts and dumps on nanites for now -- might come back and add more later, but lemme know what y’all thought.

#◀ Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold ▶ ( character study )#here's something i've been wanting to write for a Very Long TIme #hope you guys like it #u-u #tw: body horror

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

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Survey #270

“please remain calm; the end has arrived. we cannot save you; enjoy the ride.”

Do you own pastel-colored pants? No. What type of lotion do you use? I don't really use it. Nothing seems to help how dry my skin is. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic. If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pastel pink, but realistically (given a pink car would probably have a paint job I'd have to pay for, I assume?), I like burnt orange cars. Not too brown-ish, though. What is your favorite color, do you look good in it, & do you wear it a lot? Pink, probably not, and no. Name someone you know who hates pink. Idk. What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home." Do you kill bugs? Sometimes. Depends. If they're in my house, most likely. Have you ever had a bedroom that had wallpaper on the walls? No. Do you own any rompers? No. What’s one thing you’ve done to celebrate Earth Day? I made a birdhouse out of a milk carton once. Animal Planet taught me lol. Do you use window clings (aka window stickers)? No. What color is your stapler? Black. Do you have a desk that you sit at in your room? Ugh, no, but that's one reason I want to move to somewhere I have a bigger room for a desk so I don't do everything in my damn bed. What do you miss about college? Feeling like I was worth something and on a "proper" path. Was your middle school crush the same as your high school crush? No. What is/was your dream school? I never had a "dream" school. Do you wish you could talk to someone about your past? If so, who? Idk, probably someone. What motivates you? Music and/or videos on whatever subject I could use motivation in, like self-care on my bad days. Have you ever completed a weight loss program? No. Tried, though. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I went through a doctor appointment entirely without Mom just a few days ago; she had to stay in the car due to chemo, so I filled stuff out, checked in/out alone, answered questions on my own, that business. I'm entirely aware it's sad as hell that a 24 y/o did that for the first time, but if you knew just how dependent I am on my mom, you'd get it. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's when I actually have someone to celebrate with, but I love Easter as an aunt with how excited the kids are about candy and all. Easter sorta rubs me the wrong way though since, y'know, Christianity essentially stole and rebuilt it. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I myself don't even decorate. Mom only does for Christmas, and it's very last minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? I don't drink Starbucks. What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? *checks phone* uh the one where I'm wearing a red tank top is okay. That's all you can see cuz FUCK taking full-body pics of me. What’s on your wish list right now? Ha, I actually have a list in my phone of things I really want/need to buy when I can. A few include a bigger terrarium to Venus, a treadmill, an Unus Annus shirt before the channel and thus merch expire, glasses for driving... What do you use to sweeten your tea? I don't drink tea. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, I don't wear enough colors or makeup in general to warrant buying one. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? The aforementioned doctor visit. How would you rate your self-esteem? Low, healthy, or high? Low as like, the deepest oceanic trench probs. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? Only ever to just be a goth to live out my inner fantasy of regularly flaunting that aesthetic. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? Not particularly. Would you rather it rain or snow? Snow! What does your umbrella look like? Don't have one. What’s one thing you’ve had a toxic reaction to? Do you mean like, emotionally/mentally toxic? I'm guessing probably yes. Even though parts of it were entirely realistic, understandable reactions/behaviors, I most definitely had some toxicity in me regarding the breakup, too. Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? Uggghhhh, both are so cute. On me, I'd only ever wear tunic tops, but on others, I tend to find cropped tops cuter. What’s a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don't pay enough attention to this to really know... hm. Yeah, idk. Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? I could only dream of being as motivated and smart and determined and "I can do this shit" as Markiplier jfc I Love One Man Only. Do you like stuffed animals? EEEEEEEEK yes!!!! What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Have you ever gotten straight A’s in a class? If so, which classes? Yes; not to brag whatsoever, but too many for me to remember. I remember I got my very first B in 5th grade in I think math, and I was so bummed out. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I don't think so. Are you happy today? If so, what made you happy today? I'm content-ish, not happy, but also not unhappy. Is your bed right by a window? There's one to my upper right and middle left, but my bed's not exactly against either. Do you spend more time in your bedroom or your living room? I barely leave my bedroom. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Halloween, if I actually did decorate. Do you name stuffed animals still? Very rarely. Depends on what it is, the importance, etc. What titles did you win in the senior class polls? I FUCKIN READ THIS AS "TITTIES" AND WAS JUST LIKE... Anyway, none. Were you popular in school? No. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Only NC. Who was your best roommate? Well, Jason, if he even counted as a "roommate." Was your first roommate your best roommate? See above, considering idk if he fits the term; if he does, then yes. What’s the best family vacation you’ve ever been on? Disney World. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? Sophomore (bf was a senior and he took me) and senior. What do you want to be for Halloween? I was recently listening to a metal version of Oogie Boogie's song from TNBC and it hit me: MISS Oogie Boogie. A fat bitch could pull that shit off, watch me ho. Which member of your family are you closest to? My mom. If you have any regrets, what is the biggest one? If not, why do you have no regrets? Letting a boy become absolutely all that mattered and more to me. Would you ever apply to be on reality TV? Why? Ew, no. I don't need any more people judging me and my life. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program that saved my life, literally. Do you have a hard time letting things go? It depends on what it is, but generally, yes. I recently realized one of my greatest flaws: I respond very, very poorly to loss, in any way. Looking back on people (especially people), events, other things... a negative, chronic reaction to loss is present throughout. What have you accomplished in life that has made you the most happy? Emotionally healed, a lot. I don't think some things will ever fully scar over, but nevertheless, I don't mentally have fuckin gashes in me. Have you ever struggled with your weight? Ever since the breakup, yes. I thought I was slightly fat before then, but looking at pictures now, I just think "damn hunny u look gud" and realize I was perfectly healthy. But anyway, I was put on a medication called Abilify (full-on name droppin', fuck this med), and it MURDERED my metabolism. I could eat a fuckin carrot and gain five pounds, probably. Emotional eating probably contributed too, but here's the thing: my current doctor took me off of it, knowing the moment I mentioned it that it was not only bad for me and my conditions but also responsible for the extreme weight gain? Pounds dropped like a ton of bricks, and this started before my emotional eating began to die off and regulate. I lost around 80 pounds just from dropping a goddamn pill. Cue college essay-long rant here about how my body image was slaughtered, how much I loathe the fucking doc that kept me on the med and blamed everything on me, and now how I've been stuck weight-wise for two years despite a vast plethora of methods to continue shedding a;sdlkfajkwlelawe GUYS I could rant til my hypothetical great-grandchildren die. When you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? It depends on who the friend is, where we are, etc., but generally, I'm just awkward, trying to be outgoing when in fact I'm questioning every single thing I say and do al;wekjrkawde this survey has taken a TURN. Do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? I don't leave my pj's unless I have to leave the house and go inside somewhere besides like, a gas station or something that's just "whatever." In high school did you have a lot of friends? Do you still keep in touch? I wouldn't say a *lot*, no, but not a tiny amount, either. The only one I ever still see is Girt, but I keep up with many on Facebook via the like button and shit, ha. Do you really care about such issues as abortion, religion, and global warming? Fuck yes I do. Who is the biggest womanizer you know? Juan sure was, but I haven't been in contact with him for years. Would you ever have a threesome? No. Who is the most attractive person you know? Of those I personally know-know, my answer will probably always be Alon like jc she's beautiful. When did you last feel the most free? ZOINKS we can't ask that question in America rn. Is there anyone who likes (or liked) you and had a really hard time getting over you? I don't know. Did you ever love someone and feel like it was wrong? Love? No. Well, before I realized I was bi, maybe Mini counts, as then I was anti-LGBT and couldn't even imagine myself as anything but straight. What’s your favorite bug? Butterflies. What’s the longest amount of time you liked/loved somebody for? Yeesh... I still can't say with absolute confidence I no longer love Jason at all, whom I started dating in 2012 and went head over heels for. What song makes you cry? There's a few that are capable of it sometimes, but do fucking not play "Stairway To Heaven" if I'm within 10 miles of you. "Another Life" by MiW usually makes me tear up towards the end, but it normally doesn't get that far anymore. Do you like rock or rap music better? Rock, as I'm not a rap fan. If you could watch someone change, would you? Yes let me live my life a;lsdkfjaws Ever known someone with an eating disorder? I don't know. I think maybe? Have you ever had a white Christmas? I think? The best snow we ever got was late Christmas night though, and the next morning was a total whiteout. What’s something you want to do but aren’t sure of yet? Hm. Idk. I'm pretty sure of most things I want to do. Biggest lie you ever told? I'm not entirely sure and I'd rather not search for one. Do you have a religion? I don't fit perfectly into any. I relate most with Neo-Paganism, but even that I deviate from some. Believe that there is a point to churches? I mean sure, people have the right to believe in/worship what they want to, and some people get a lot of joy and reassurance out of going. How do eat Oreos? "I split them in half and lick the cream before eating the cookie." <<<< Converse or Vans? Idc. Eh, maybe Converse, but idk. Dancing or watching others dance? I love watching others dance, it's why I enjoyed dance recitals and competitions. Favorite thing to touch/feel? My cat! <3 Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? Both would be horrifying, but I guess earthquake. I've had an outrageous fear of tornadoes since I was very little. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa, duh. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Start a fight, I guess. Trying to sully someone's name with false information would haunt me way more than starting an understandable fight. What has been the best New Year's for you so far & why? I don't know. What is the weirdest fear you’ve ever heard of someone having? Do you have any weird fears, and if so, what are they? Uhhh I think maybe butterflies? Idk, even that's not too weird considering it's an insect, and that's common. I'm personally absolutely terrified of pregnancy and also whale sharks scare me quite a bit. ig that's weird. How did you find Tumblr? lol how could you not know at some point as a teen on the Internet. What of the 8 wonders of the world do you find the most fascinating, if any? I had to look them up lmao. I guess the Great Pyramid of Giza. I in general find Egyptian culture and art to be very cool. Do you have a webcam? If you do, do you ever use it and what for? I mean, it's built into the laptop. I never use it. What is something that you think is really underrated? The band Otep, for one. I mean they're not small, but I don't think most people interested in the metal genre know them. OH and then there are A LOT of YouTube artists that MADLY deserve to be signed. I have a large chunk of metal musicians I listen to, and those especially like Jonathan Young blow my fucking mind they haven't technically "made it," even if they have a large subscriber base. Have you ever had a dream where you died? Did anything weird happen to your body after it? Yes, a few. Now hang with me, okay? One of my worst nightmares as a kid involved the wicked witch from TWoO turning me into one of those fucking party things that you blow into it and the paper unfurls and her using it killed me. Yo idk. I was really scared of that witch as a kid. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? How about the most realistic? It involved my dad and that's all that needs to be said. Realistic? Hm. This was SO long ago that I barely remember *just* how real it felt, but I remember it felt real as fuck. I was very little when this happened. I dreamed that I went outside to our porch because there was a weird light and when I stepped outside, a swan and a goose flew down from the light onto the porch to become my late grandpa and my deeply beloved cat Midnight, who died from sickness. I'm sure it was just a dream now, but back then, I was VERY convinced it was like a vision from God or something, telling me they were okay and with us. Do you have a favorite fashion trend? What is it? Is there a fashion trend right now that you think is completely ridiculous, and if so, what? What do you think was the worst fashion trend of all time? I don't care about fashion enough to go in depth about all this. I'll tell you right now though that mullets were the worst mistake known to mankind. Do you tend to like original horror movies or re-makes better? What’s your favorite horror movie? Is it an original or a remake? If you're remaking an old one, I'll probably like it more since they're generally not nearly as cheesy. Modern horror movies, I don't have much of a preference. My fave is The Blair Witch Project, and it's an original. What is one characteristic in a person that you cannot stand? What characteristics do you like best in a person? Do you possess any of these characteristics? Those that act violent when they're angry, for one. Those scare me. Some traits that I really like are compassion, patience, genuineness, empathy, kindness just for the sake of being so, stuff like that. I'd like to think I've got some of those. It's notable that in my nightmares, I'm way more violent than I actually am, though. What kind of jeans do you like best? When I actually wore jeans, they were like solely skinny jeans. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup after a long-term relationship and falling way, way too hard to be healthy. Does it still bother me? PTSD is stapled on my fucking forehead if you know the slightest about it. I've healed a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure it's a scar that's never going to even fully seal.

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions

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cowboyjen68 · 5 years ago

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Weight Loss Advice

The ask that came was lost when my phone shut of while I was working on it. I hope the anon finds this

First: weight loss is the long game. It took me about a year to lose the majority of weight and another year to level off. I started at 196 and am now between 125 and 130.. a healthy weight for me.

Warning.. this worked for ME and i have no other health issues. If you have blood sugar problems or heart issues see a dr to get advice. See a female if you are female.. they understand our bodies and how weight shifts. Also consider seeing a chiropractor, on who is trained in wholistic healing. They can help you realign your body as the weight changes your stance and structure.

I kept it simple and cheap. I made it about slowly changing my whole way of thinking. This will NOT work for everyone. It is what worked for me.

Start by Googling your age, weight and height for a calorie threshold chart. At a certian threshold, your body cannot maintain it’s weight. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/how-many-calories-per-day#section1

This is a link that is similar to what I used.. PIck the “loose weight” option. You can always change to the “loose wieght fast” option once you adjust. I was told about 1200 calories so that is what I did.

Here are my “rules”

1.I paid no extra money for stuff.. no gym, no trainer, no new exercise clothes, no special diet foods or supplements. NONE at all.

2) eat whatever i want.. stay around 1200 calories.. some days I went a little over some days under

3) Free food at parties or dinner invites, never pass up.. just be moderate

4) Beer did not count (but I only drink a few times a year)

5) I only drink coffee and tea and water-- STOP DRINKING CALORIES (the only exception I ever made was pop at the movies on the occasions we went)

6) take at least HALF Of every meal from a restaurant home (the servings are often enough for three meals)

7) When I was eating mean and had to go to fast foot or out to eat ALWAYS pass on the fries or immediately put them in a “to go” box for the kids

SOme things I learned

1) You will be hungry.. YOU WILL NOT DIE> We do not need to eat every time we are hungry,... it is just that we trained out body to eat when idle, when bored, when others eat, when there IF food, three times a day and snacks. WE don’t need all that. TWO TO THREE meals a day is fine with a small snack

2) POPCORN is the best snack.. even with melted butter is less than chips and satisifies cravings plus fills you up. Don’t buy microwave. I had a 10.00 air popper from Wal Mart.. Break the number one rule in the first part and buy an air popper

4) I learned that lots of things have way more or less calories that I would have guesses. LOOK THEM UP. I didn’t use an app or even writie it down. I kept track in my head because for the long haul of life I am not going to record everything I eat. I needed to shift my brain to be aware and self regulate. Eggs are 70 calories but a teaspoon of olive oil to cook the in can be over 60. Two SMALL spoons of peanut butter is over 200 calories.. This is NOT a good snack. It is a meal.

5. My average breakfast is 300 calories, 300 for lunch, 400 to 500 for supper and a 100 to 200 calories snack like popcorn

6. You just CAN”T snack all day and loose weight, STOP IT> stay out of the candy dish and chips STOP>. this is hard.. do it.. BUT don’t deny youself ONE piece or a few chips... just don’t keep coming back. You had one now back the fuck away.. got it?!

7. Begin to ask yourself.. am I hungry... do I need this? Will i enjoy it? The big one..CAN I WAIT and eat later when I can sit down and enjoy the meal or do I have to eat something on the go RIGHT NOW?

8. EAT about half of anything you used to eat. ALL meals we buy and even make are several servings. Pay attention to “serving size”

Now i never feel bloated or full after a meal. I feel satisfied. I easily save and eat and enjoy left overs. I don’t feel the need to finish everything in one setting.

The weight loss was slow. I rarely got on a scale... then one day, 6 month in I realized I couldn’t keep my pants up and my belt was too big. It happens but not right away. Your body fights it a bit until it realizes you are not starving her, just regulating intake.

I didn’t start eating mostly vegan until the weight was gone and I was levelled off in my eating habits. Going vegan, denying yourself food you love, organic, expense stuff.. non of this helps you loose weight.

Remeber this one thing: YOU ARE PARTNERS with your body. She is NOT your enemy. You take care of each other.

Also.. if you have a bad day and eat to much.. the next day do not under eat. Stay with your threshold. Your body does not deserve to be punished for a bad day.

Good luck and let me know how it goes or tips you learn that work for you.

#weight loss

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douxreviews · 6 years ago

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Supergirl - ‘Red Dawn’ Review

Red Daughter: This country is a fatted heifer. I am here to cut its throat.

A jam-packed episode. Perhaps a little too jam-packed.

Last week’s episode ended with Kara being taken into custody. Obviously the usual men can’t hold her, but I wondered how she was going to get out of it without revealing who she was. Pretending that she saw a spider was a lot of fun. Having Red Daughter show up was lovely too, as was the fact that Kara has had a lot more time to get used to being poisoned with kryptonite.

An attempt to justify last week’s awful storyline of Alex not adopting was made by having the experience remind her of the fact that Kara was adopted. This is a crack in one of the memory walls that J’onn put up to prevent her knowing the fact that her sister is Supergirl. (Note that it doesn’t justify that ghastly thread; adoption could have come up without its execution being so poor.) After the failed adoption, Alex has a strange dream about her adopted sister, which seems like an implausible memory as they both tumble off a cliff.

Lena goes to her stepmother to get her help with the Harun-El and with finding Lex. Lillian may be in prison, but Lena was able to buy the prison in order to get her way. Lena forces Lillian to tell the truth to her. Lena tells Lillian she has just eaten poisoned food and that Lena has the antidote. Lillian rather doubts that she will need this, but we learn at the end, as Lena hands Lillian an antidote, that Lena did poison her stepmother (seems there’s very little regulation in those for-profit prisons).

Lena seeks Ben Lockwood in order to discover where Lex Luthor is hiding out, but Ben has no idea; he is completely unaware that Lex has been pulling the strings. It was satisfying to see Ben discover he had been played, especially as he went to Otis, but I would have liked to see more of his regret. After all, his prejudice led to the death of his wife and the estrangement of his son. He thought he was weaponizing others and that his actions were those of a free-willed man, while all the time he was a tool. Maybe we’ll see more next week.

The one person who has shown genuine free will all along – who has made it clear that she doesn’t like being manipulated – has been Colonel Lauren Haley. It felt good to see her come down on the side of our heroes.

We also got to see some fun stuff with Brainy. He and Dreamer get captured; when Brainy is tortured (I loved the bit about his only power being that he was blue) he reboots and becomes much more powerful and ruthlessly logical.

Red Daughter and Supergirl square off, and Red Daughter is prepared with an enhancing suit, so she wallops Kara. I loved how Kara was able to pull sunlight out of the plants to recover from her injuries, and how she was encouraged to do so by Alex. So Alex finally remembers that Kara = Supergirl, all while their mother looks on.

I would have also liked to see more (anything) of the invasion by the Kaznians. Instead they skipped that part and showed Lex Luthor carrying a dead version of Supergirl.

Title musings: “Red Dawn” is the title of two films (one a remake of the other) with the same premise: Russia and some of its allies invading the United States (I noticed a while ago that the Supergirl writers are borrowing titles from other fictional works). So, as Kaznia, with Red Daughter at its helm, is planning to invade the United States, that’s one similarity. Dawn is also when sunlight occurs, and it is sunlight (albeit sunlight trapped in the plants) that heals Kara (OK, that’s a stretch for the title). Dawn can also be used as a verb; when it dawns on you, that means you have realized something. Ben Lockwood has an awakening when he learns that Lex Luthor has been behind his rise to power and fame; he has been used by a sociopath; maybe he’ll see red, too. Alex has a more pleasant dawning when she realizes that Kara = Supergirl. Anyway, when I go on this long about a title, it’s making me think, so the title seems good.

Bits and pieces

Having characters in super-suits makes it possible for a double to stand in for Melissa Benoist, and for them not to have to pay Jon Cryer for this episode.

I wonder if Red Daughter is truly dead. She probably is, because Lex Luthor would know how to kill her and she would be an inconvenience to him from now on. But Lex also has to know that Supergirl is not dead.

Kudos to Sam Witwer who plays Ben Lockwood, but this time had to do a scene in which Brainy was playing Ben Lockwood. It was well done.

It’s nice to learn that Lillian does love Lena. Perhaps she has chosen her stepdaughter over her son because her son tried to kill her. But Lena poisoned Lillian too (although Lena gives her the antidote), so that affection may not last.

I hope James and Lena get back together!

Quotes

Kara/Supergirl: You picked on the wrong girl.

Brainy: And I will tell Dreamer that I am in love with her.

Red Daughter: Your life could mean so much yet you fly around in a cheerleader skirt.

Lena: The nice thing about for-profit prisons is that you can buy them.

Lillian: When you find your child was planning matricide it tends to cast a pall over your feelings.

Brainy: I need to tell her, to get it out of my system. Then normal function will resume. J’onn: I’m not sure that’s how love works.

J’onn: Why does everyone always think getting captured is the best plan?

Lockwood: You’re telling me, all of this – it’s all about money? Otis: And world domination.

Overall Rating

I was so happy to see some of our characters back together. However, some of it felt stilted and choppy and in several places I wanted more (I suppose that's better than my wanting less). I wanted to see more of Ben Lockwood’s regret. I don’t want Red Daughter to be dead. I have wanted more Kara / Alex interaction in the past few episodes, so you think I'd be happy, but the problem for this episode is due to the absence of interaction between them in prior episodes. When Alex recognized Kara=Supergirl, they told each other how they felt, instead of showing it in prior episodes. I’ve been shuttling between three and three and half out of four for-profit prisons. What do you think? At any rate, I know I'm looking forward to next week's offering.

Victoria Grossack loves math, Greek mythology, Jane Austen and great storytelling in many forms.

#Supergirl #Kara Danvers #Kara Zor-El #Lena Luthor #Alex Danvers #DC Comics #Arrowverse #Supergirl Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

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maychorian · 6 years ago

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:O omg, for the whump bingo, maybe B5 or O5 (whichever helps you get bingo faster, if you're going for that!) with lance? your writing is superb and I'm a HUGE fan.

Whump bingo! Prompts are closed. With this fill, I’ve made a bingo, but I’m still gonna keep writing prompts. I find it relaxing, which I need right now. Here’s the post. Here’s my progress.

I’m a fan of yours, too! I already wrote an O5, so here’s B5.

The days since they’d recovered from the final battle for Earth had been hectic. The instant the Voltron paladins were out of the hospital, it seemed like, they had a full schedule of meetings and press conferences and photo shoots and strategy sessions. Everyone wanted to know everything about them, where they’d been, what they’d done, what it was like to be them. After being rebels against an inter-galactic evil empire for so long, it was disconcerting to be suddenly catapulted into fame. Yeah, they’d had a glimpse of that with the Voltron Show, but none that had felt real. It had all been through personas, propaganda. This was their true selves, on their home planet, where their lives had already been picked apart by the media and the public in countless ways.It was amazing. It was horrible, too. Exhausting. No one liked it, except Lance. Or so they all assumed. He always soaked up the attention, after all, always glad for a spotlight. Loverboy Lance was alive again, smiling for the cameras and blowing kisses to everyone who glanced at him for a moment.Hunk had noticed something new about his friend, though. Since they had the okay from the doctors to relax their diets from the strict nutritional plans they’d been on while they recovered, Lance had picked up a habit of drinking coffee and energy drinks. Not just a few times, either. Pretty much all day long. Every time they had a break, even for a few minutes between events, Lance had a cup or a can in his hand.

Lance had never been a coffee fan before they went to space. As his roommate at the Garrison, Hunk had never seen Lance indulging in such things, even in stressful times like finals week or the ends of long projects when many students started haunting the cafeteria for their caffeine fixes. Even Hunk would chug a Coke, overly sweet and sickly as it was, when he was desperate for a hit of energy to finish an essay or an engineering project. But Lance never did.Hunk asked him why, once, and he just shrugged and smiled. “I have enough energy of my own.” Later, when they were better friends, he’d admitted to Hunk that caffeine didn’t mix well with his slight ADHD. Tended to make everything worse, more jittery.

So why was he so gungho on the stuff now? Had space really changed him that much? Lance had said once that the healing pods, or maybe something about the food in the Castle of Lions, seemed to regulate his ADHD enough that it didn’t bother him. But it couldn’t have cured it, could it have?Hunk wanted to ask, but they were always too busy. Too many people around, handlers and press agents and liaisons from the Garrison. He didn’t want to call Lance out in front of strangers, maybe embarrass him or hurt him.Finally, on the third night of their goodwill tour around Europe, Lance and Hunk were assigned to sleep in the same hotel room. It was a pretty comfortable room, even though most of the city was still in reconstruction from the battles. Nothing was too good for defenders of the universe. They went through their evening routine together, and Hunk was shocked to see that Lance was clutching an energy drink yet again. Right before bed.“What the hell?” he blurted before he thought better.Lance blinked and looked up at him, fingers unconsciously tightening around the can. “What?”Hunk nodded toward the drink. “That. Why are you drinking that? We’re about to go to bed.”Lance blinked again, very slowly. The bags under his eyes were sharply evident. “Umm…” He lifted his hand and stared at it as if he’d forgotten what he was holding. “This? I like it. That’s why I’m drinking it.”“But you’re not gonna be able to sleep.” Hunk moved a few steps closer and gently placed his hand around the can under Lance’s hand. He gave it a tug, not surprised when Lance’s grip didn’t loosen. “Come on, dude, put it down. You need to get your rest.”Lance stared at him blankly, then silently relinquished the can. Hunk turned away and dumped it down the sink, frowning at the neon yellow liquid as it splashed against the porcelain. He tossed the can in the trash.When he turned back, Lance was still staring. He seemed distant, almost numb, but Hunk saw the shake in his fingers. He frowned as his own weariness tugged on him like pressure in the back of his head, making him want to sway and collapse. But he couldn’t sleep yet. This needed to be dealt with first.He took Lance by the hand and led him out of the bathroom to the beds. They had two of them, double queens instead of a single king. It was nice, but Hunk kinda of thought that maybe Lance needed to have someone next to him tonight.He set him down, and Lance went where Hunk put him, pliable as a sleepy child. Hunk sat next to him and looked him in the face. He was careful to put on his most sympathetic and patient expression, though he kind of wanted to shake Lance by the shoulders until he told him what was wrong.“What’s going on, buddy?”Lance’s eyes fluttered, and seemed to focus on Hunk for the first time since he first took the can from him. Immediately that charm flashed out, the showman, a sideways smile, a glint in his eye. “Hey, I’m fine, man. Always. You know me.”Hunk wasn’t buying. “No. Telling me the truth. Why are trying to avoid sleeping?”As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew it was the truth. Lance was avoiding sleep, had been ever since they left the Garrison hospital. Maybe it had started as one-time thing, but it had escalated to the point that he needed caffeine to function.Lance acted offended, but Hunk knew it was an act. “Hey, I sleep. Of course I sleep. I’m not stupid.”Hunk refused to be distracted. “Well, how much are you sleeping, then?”Lance looked away. “Enough.”“Even with all the energy drinks?”Lance shrugged. Hunk knew he was getting close. He scooted a little closer on the bed.His voice lowered. “Are you having bad dreams?”Lance sighed. His head dropped. “The first night,” he muttered.“The first night you decided not to sleep?”Lance nodded, then raised his head and looked him in the face. The bags under his eyes seemed to have gotten even deeper in the last few minutes. “Did you know I almost died?”Hunk winced. “We all almost died.”Lance shook his head. “Before that. We never really got a chance to talk about everything that happened, but… When I was trying to call Red. I thought he wasn’t gonna come. And Veronica and I got attacked, and the jeep flipped over, and I got thrown out into the desert, and I thought she was dead, and the Galra fighter was coming, and Red wasn’t there…”“Oh, buddy.” Hunk couldn’t be still any longer. He leaned forward and threw his arms around Lance in a big hug.Lance sagged into him. He seemed relieved, like he’d been wanting this but was afraid to ask. Hunk’s heart ached.“It’s stupid,” Lance muttered. “We’ve all had close calls. I fought. I really did. But in the end I closed my eyes, waiting for the blast to hit me, and all I could think was that it was my fault. It was my fault Veronica was dead, it was my fault I was about to die, because my bond with Red wasn’t strong enough for me to call him.”“But you did call him,” Hunk said fiercely. “You did. He came.”“Yeah.” Lance chuckled. It was not a happy sound. “Last-minute save. Kind of Red’s thing. I sure it would have been really cool and dramatic if I’d seen it in a movie or something. But in real life, it was awful and terrifying and I never want to go through something like that again.”Hunk wanted to say, “I keep telling you guys that adventures aren’t fun.” He said nothing, just held him tighter.Lance let his head loll on Hunk’s shoulder. “So yeah. I had a nightmare. It wasn’t really…clear. Not like a flashback or anything. Just some scattered images and really strong emotions. But you know how sometimes after a dream that’s really strong, you wake up and you still feel that feeling, and you can’t make it go away even though it doesn’t make sense and there’s nothing to be scared of?”Hunk nodded. Of course he knew. “And I didn’t want to go back to sleep, and it was kind of morning anyway, so I got some coffee. And then I just kept doing it, and now it’s kind of a bad habit, I know that, but I… I don’t want to have that dream again, Hunk. I don’t want to feel that kind of guilt and despair ever again.”Hunk’s chest hurt. He didn’t know how to fix this. He couldn’t tell Lance that he would never have that dream again. He couldn’t reach inside his mind and pull those images out. He couldn’t even convince Lance that he was amazing and awesome and had nothing to feel insecure about–he had tried in the past, and it never seemed to get through. Lance’s feelings about himself were just too strong, built up over too many years. Hunk had thought he’d been getting better lately. He’d seemed more confident, more assured of his place on the team. Hunk was saddened, but not surprised, to learn that it wasn’t all resolved, after all.“This is a problem,” he said gently to the mop of hair resting on his shoulder. “You can’t keep doing this.”Lance nodded wearily. “I know. It was a temporary fix. I always knew it was nothing more than a temporary fix. I’m kind of relieved you stopped me, actually.”Hunk swallowed. “I’m glad I did. What else can I do? Do you have any ideas?”Lance shook his head slowly. “Sorry, I… My brain is kaput right now.”Hunk hummed and gently shoved Lance back so he could see his face. Lance stared at him, slumping on the bed. His hands were still shaking.“We’ll think about it,” Hunk said more confidently than he felt. “You and I, we’re gonna think about it, and we’re gonna come up with ideas, and we’re gonna figure out how to deal with it. Maybe not tonight, though. We need to get some rest, and tomorrow we’ll take this to the team. They need to know what’s going on, too.”Lance shifted uncomfortably, a flush rising in his cheeks, but he nodded. Hunk rubbed his shoulder, up and down. “For tonight… Are you gonna be able to sleep at all? How much caffeine did you drink today?”Lance shrugged.Hunk climbed to his feet and offered a hand. Lance took it and let Hunk pull him to his feet, though his eyebrows rose in question.Hunk put his arm around his shoulders and led him toward the door. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk. We can look at all the construction sites in the area, all the big equipment and piles of supplies and buildings covered with tarps. The cool air will clear our heads, and hopefully the exercise will tire you out. Then, when we get back here…”Lance looked at him hopefully, like he expected Hunk to have all the answers now. Hunk gave him a smile, sympathetic and a little sad. He didn’t have an answer, not really. All he could offer was his presence.“You won’t be alone. If the nightmare comes again, that will suck, but you won’t be alone. I’m gonna be here. It’s a start, right?”Lance smiled, soft and easy. “Yeah.” His voice was breathless, but somehow pleased. “Thanks, Hunk. You… You’re a lifesaver.”“That’s my job.”And it always would be.

#askbox #whump bingo #my stuff #voltron legendary defender #he my babu #big hunk of love #my sweet summer boys #taylortut

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