#and now she texted me if we want to get coffee in april

[niallandtommo]

when someone asks you to hang out and you really do not want to talk to this person anymore, how do you politely say no without being rude

[youdeserveanaward]

Hello! I'm April. I'm 31 years old and from Canada. My pronouns are she/her.

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[ceruleanchronicle]

Please make a hsc for TMNT 2012 (Rahp, Leo, Donnie, Mikey)

How do turtles give up after finding out their girlfriend's big secret (e.g. that she was a foot clan soldier... whatever comes to mind) or will they forgive and forget her or will they hold a grudge

Thank you 💙❤️💜🧡

(if this violates your guidelines.....ignore it)

Hey! This doesn't violate my guidelines at all! Also, I'm SO sorry if this lowkey kinda bad but this is my first time actually writing anything, so I hope it's not terrible or cringey LOL.

I wrote this with a bullet point style, so let me know if you would rather a blurb kinda one shot instead.

Warnings: angst no fluff, unhealthy habits, depression, Leo has a love for foot soldiers apparently

2012 boys finding out their girlfriend is a foot solider

Leo-

Breaks up with you immedeantly after he finds out

Feels so betrayed

You're the first girl (besides Karai) that he's ever felt like he had an actual, real connection with

He beats himself up over it constantly because what if you had attacked his brothers or Splinter? He couldn't fathom how that would have played out

Raph deadass bullies him for it too

Goes to Splinter to ask "What's wrong with him" considering this is the SECOND TIME he's fallen for a foot solider. Homie has a type I guess.

Meditates a whole lot more in hopes that it will clear his mind of all thoughts of you

I don't see him as the forgive and forget type unless you're EXTREAMLY persistent in him taking you back. I'm talking constantly calling, texting, going out of your way to see him on his patrols. Then he MIGHT take you back and believe that you genuinely care about him

Raph-

Loses. his. shit.

He thought out of all his brothers, he would be the one able to see through anyone and their secrets

He defiantly holds a grudge against you, but deep down he loves and misses you

He's in the dojo training a lot more to let out some steam. His brothers are very worried about him

Tries to talk to Splinter about how he feels but ultimately gives up because he struggles with identifying his emotions and putting them into words

Donnie-

Now we all saw how obsessed he was with April and that's basically how he was about you, but now, you've basically broken his entire world apart

Shuts himself in his lab and doesn't talk to anyone

Stays up damn near all night trying to distract himself with his machinery. Coffee is his bestie during this time

Leo tries to get him to drink water and eat but Donnie is so concentrated in his work that he forgets

Splinter eventually has to intervene because he's skipping too many meals

Holds a grudge for about a week but after that, if you contact him, he's immediately running back into your arms claiming to his family that you've "changed" and that you "would never hurt them"

Mikey-

Feels so upset.

Tears up as soon as he finds out. Weather that be in the middle of a fight, alone, or with you.

Spirals into a deep depression. He feels emotions far deeper than any of his brothers

Stays in his room a lot more and hardly plays any video games, doesn't play pranks, or watch his shows with his brothers

Of course, his brothers are worried SICK about their baby bro

They want their happy little guy back

Is absolutely the forgive and forget type. He'd take you back in a heartbeat, against his brothers wishes and his own better judgment

Hope this did your ask some justice! Sorry if a few are too short. I find Leo the easiest to write for since he's my favorite LOL

[citruswriter]

Cramps and Cuddles

Listen with me! ↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

Warnings: Menstruation, Tcest (You have been warned!), Tcest x Character, Comfort, Hurt (???), Fluff, The Bale AU, Polyamory.

Tcestween Prompt: Hugs and Kisses

Pairing: Leo x April x Donnie

It had been a hard day for April. First the coffee shop she went too was all out of pumpkin spice, then she spilled her lunch all over herself, and now she had to cancel her date. Why? Her period came and it hurt too bad to go out. She stayed curled up in her bed, tears in her eyes as she clutched the heating pad closer to her stomach. "Baby? Hey we got your text, are you ok?" Leo's voice came and April looked up to see Leo and Donnie peaking into her room. "Go away." She whined out as she rolled over. "April?" Donnie's voice came now and she felt the bed dip under their weight. "April what's wrong, talk to us. It's not like you to cancel so suddenly." He cooed softly, rubbing her back. "It's just been a bad day..." April mutters softly.

Leo and Donnie glance at each other in concern before looking back down at their curly haired mate. "We can have a date night in if you want, mi vida." Leo said softly and April perked up a bit, looking over her shoulder. "Yeah we can get some pizza and watch a movie and just cuddle in bed if you're not feeling well." Donnie agreed. April couldn't help but feel herself tear up. "Really?" She said softly, looking over at the twins and they nodded.

Before long, the three of them were all cuddled up in her bed and watching Jupiter Jim. Donnie was rubbing April's stomach, the weight of his hand being soothing on her cramping abdomen. "Sorry I cancelled. I just didn't want to go out on my period." April said softly and both Leo and Donnie gazed at her lovingly. "We totally understand, dearest." Donnie says softly, drawing her closer and hugging her tightly. April hums in content and Leo decides to get in on the hugging, sandwhiching her between them. Leo and Donnie then began to pepper April with kisses.

Forehead, cheeks, neck, and chest. She was smothered in love. She squirmed and squealed, giggling as they attacked her in love. "I love you both so much." April said finally, planting a soft kiss on Donnie's mouth before turning to drag Leo in a kiss. "We love you too, dove." Donnie said with a chur. Leo hummed and pulled back, moving to give Donnie a kiss. The two of them shared a kiss before snuggling into April. "We love you so much, princess." Leo coos, nuzzling her neck and breathing her scent in.

In the fortress of blankets and cuddles, April found solace in their arms. It wouldn't be long before Casey, Raph, and Mikey came back from their date. Maybe they could all cuddle puddle when they got home. Yeah... That would be nice.

Hate this ending but I oddly love this fic. Ik it was short but at least it was cute and gooey. Lol.

Taglist: @cherrytreatsart @yallshantfindme

[samynnad102687]

Don't Lie To Me

@struttingstag April 2nd Prompt: Don't lie to me. | 2161 words

It was the fourth day this week that James received a text from Regulus, letting him know that he would be out when James got home from work. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but he had been secretive lately. Regulus had been hiding his phone when he got a text or quickly got off of it when James walked into the room.

James didn't know what to think anymore. It felt like Regulus was pulling away from him and James couldn't help but think that he was doing something wrong or Regulus didn't love him anymore and didn't know how to tell him. James figured if anybody knew what Regulus was up to, it would be Pandora.

"Hello, James," Pandora said sweetly when she answered on the second ring.

"Hey."

"What's up? You sound stressed."

Great! One word and she already knew he wasn't in his usually happy mood.

"Nothing. I was just wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee or something," James lied.

"Sure. Do you want to meet now?" Pandora asked with a hint that she didn't believe him in her tone.

"Yeah. Meet at The Phoenix?"

"Sounds good. I'll meet you there in ten."

"Okay."

James hung up the phone and put it in his pocket before he grabbed his coat and put on his trainers. The Phoenix was only a couple of streets over, so he figured that he would walk. Maybe that would clear his head some before he got there. Right as he went to open the door, it opened from the other side and Regulus was walking in as if he wasn't causing James to doubt everything Regulus ever felt for him.

"Oh, hey, baby," Regulus said with a smile before he leaned up to kiss James on the lips. "Are you heading out?"

"Yeah. I'm going to grab coffee with Pandora," James replied without thinking about it.

"Okay. Have fun," Regulus replied nonchalantly before he took off his coat and boots and put them on their respective racks. "Did you want to cook tonight or should we order takeaway?"

"It doesn't matter to me," James shrugged as he tried not to snap at him. His nonchalance was not helping James' anxiety. "Did you have fun with..." James just now realised that he didn't know who Regulus had been with.

"Barty, and not really. He's being annoying but it's Barty so that's to be expected," Regulus replied with a shrug of his own as he grabbed his book off of the table and plopped down on the couch, pulling one leg up under the other.

"Oh. Okay." James tried to sound unbothered but the raised eyebrow he received from Regulus told him that he missed the mark tremendously.

"Are you okay, Jamie?" Regulus asked, putting his book back on the table.

James nodded quickly before Regulus could fully get off the couch. "Yeah, I'm fine, just have to go meet Dora. It's been a while since I hung out with her."

James had a hand on the handle practically ready to bolt from the house instead of confronting Regulus about what had been going on. He wasn't ready to deal with it. Not until he had all of the facts or at least was able to talk out what was bothering him with someone that wasn't Regulus. Yes, James knew that was counterproductive but he didn't want to hear Regulus confirm that he didn't love him anymore.

"Okay," Regulus said sceptically but settled back down on the couch with his book anyway. "I'll see you later. Tell Dora hi for me."

"Will do."

James opened the door before the words were even out of his mouth and he ran down the street to The Phoenix. He had to take a few deep breaths to slow down his breathing before he walked in otherwise Pandora would really know that something was wrong and with how James was feeling, he would probably burst into tears as soon as he opened his mouth.

Once he had calmed down, he opened the door and spotted Pandora at a table with two drinks in front of her already. She waved him over when she noticed him enter the building, considering the bell announced his arrival. James took another deep breath and walked over to her. She slid one of the drinks to him and he nodded his thanks before sitting across from her.

"What's going on, James?" Pandora asked as soon as he was settled.

"I don't know," James replied honestly.

He hated that he didn't know what was going on and his feelings and mind were running rampant inside his body. He couldn't make heads or tails of it. James sighed and took a sip of his coffee. It was his usual order. He tried to figure out what to say but before he could, Pandora spoke again.

"Are you worried about Reggie?"

James didn't know what to say to that. Yes, no, maybe? He was worried but not about Regulus specifically. He was worried that he wasn't good enough for him anymore but how does he tell her that? James knew that he wanted to talk things out but he didn't know how to start.

"No, I- yes, I-" James started but he kept cutting himself off and that was stressing him out even more. "Maybe. I don't know."

"I wouldn't worry about him," Pandora replied sweetly before she took a sip of her drink.

"It's not... I'm not... I'm not necessarily worried about him... just. I don't know." James took a breath. "I just feel like he's pulling away from me and I don't know why. Am I not good enough for him anymore?"

"Reg loves you very much, James and you two are perfect for each other," Pandora said firmly as she stared him in the eye. It was as if she was trying to look into his soul.

"Then why has he been so secretive lately?" James whined.

Pandora told him that she didn't know why but it wasn't anything he needed to worry about. Regulus would go through phases when he was younger when he was too far in his own head to realise that there was a world around him. James knew that. He had seen it multiple times in the past but he thought Regulus knew he could talk to him about anything. So why was he being so secretive now?

James left the coffee shop a little while later but didn't feel any better than he did when he arrived. He took the long way home and didn't even notice if Regulus was still on the couch when he walked into the house. James took off his trainers and coat before he walked to the bedroom and shut the door. He needed to be alone and hopefully, he could figure out what the hell had been going on.

There was a knock at the door before Regulus' soft voice came from the other side. "Jamie? Are you in there?"

James didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say so he just sat on the bed and stared at the wall for who knows how long. Eventually, the door opened and James was sure that Regulus had come in but he couldn't see anything through the tears that had started to blur his vision even though none of them had fallen.

"James?" Regulus put his hand on James' shoulder and James flinched back without realising that he was there. "I'm sorry, baby."

"It's fine. I'm fine." James choked out past the lump in his throat.

"No, you're not," Regulus said gently and James snapped his head up to look at him. He was about to tell him that he was fine again but Regulus kept speaking. "You've been in here for an hour. You didn't even notice me when you came home."

James didn't want to have this talk right now. He could feel himself unravelling and he didn't want to do something to make Regulus leave any sooner than he was already planning to, if that was what he was planning. Regulus kept looking at him like he didn't know how to approach him anymore. James was not a wild animal that you needed to be cautious around. James could see the wheels turning in Regulus' mind. He knew something was wrong but James was not ready. His anger started to boil over, so when Regulus opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, James snapped.

"I said, I'm fine."

James scooted off the bed and started to pace beside it. Regulus was watching him. James could feel it. He could feel his confusion and he wondered if Regulus could feel James' confusion about everything as well. James didn't know how long he paced back and forth in front of their shared bed but it was apparently long enough for his anger to get the better of him.

"You're stressing and spiralling. What is going on?" Regulus asked calmly but it didn't matter how he said it, James was too wound up to respond accordingly.

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" James shouted and he could see the slight flinch from Regulus from where he still sat on the bed.

"I don't know, James. You're not talking to me." Regulus raised his voice slightly as he stood up but he didn't come any closer to James.

"When am I supposed to talk to you? You're never home. You're always out fucking around with Barty. If you wanted to dump me, just do it already."

Regulus' face fell in shock and confusion. "I- what? Why would I want to dump you? James, I love you."

"Don't lie to me! You've been pulling away from me for weeks, too busy hanging out with Barty," James spat his name out as if it burned him to even have the name on his tongue. "You've been keeping secrets and hiding your phone anytime I walk into the room. I get it, okay. I'm too much and you finally realised it but could you just do us both the courtesy of not dragging this out? It's draining and I can't take it anymore."

Regulus stepped into James' space with determination. He grabbed onto James' arms to turn him towards him before he spoke again. James could see the hurt swimming in his stormy grey eyes. James wanted to step back but there was something else in his eyes that held James in place.

"James, I need you to listen to me. You are not too much. You have never been too much for me. I love you with everything that I am and I'm sorry that I made you think I was keeping something from you. I thought I was doing a better job of it but it's not what you think. I swear. There is nothing going on with Barty. He is being more annoying lately because he misses Evan and we have been helping each other out." James scoffed but didn't say anything. "I swear I- look at me, Jamie." James did instantly. It was a habit by now. "I have been hiding something and I had hoped that I could keep it a surprise until it was time but clearly I couldn't."

Regulus let go of James and walked into their closet. James stood frozen where Regulus left him. He was confused and didn't know what to think anymore. He was just about to get his legs to start working again when Regulus walked back into their bedroom. He was holding something but James couldn't make out what it was. Regulus took James' hand and led him back to the bed, sitting him down before Regulus placed himself in between James' legs.

"Jamie, I love you. You can be a handful sometimes but it is one of the many things that I love about you. You keep me on my toes and I would never change a single thing about you. Yes, I have been hanging out with Barty recently but that's because he was helping me plan."

James gave him a confused look but Regulus started to leave soft kisses all over his face. "Jamie, there is nothing in this world or the next that I would rather do than be with you."

James looked into his eyes to see if there was any form of deceit, but nothing except honesty was swimming in the stormy irises. James got lost in them and would have missed the question entirely if Regulus' gentle laugh hadn't drawn him back into himself.

"Will you marry me?" Regulus asked and James realised that he was down on one knee in front of him with a black velvet ring box opened in his hands with a hopeful look on his face.

James nodded dumbly and whispered, "Yes."

James learned not to doubt his fiance's love for him ever again after that. 

*Also on Ao3: What's In A Secret?

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

It Started With a Kiss (8/?)

Thanks so much, everyone for your reviews on the last chapter! I’m so glad you all enjoyed my take on the Alex Conrad situation. And now for one of my favorite episodes of the show, To Love and Die in LA. Seriously, this episode is in my top 5…maybe even top 3 depending on my mood that day.

Date wise, the last chapter took place around April 11, and this one takes place around May 2. So that’s a 3 week time gap. Wonder what our favorite couple got up to after the way Kate kissed him in the last chapter, hmm?

Again, I want to remind you that this will be the last update on this story until after I return from vacation on June 15…and Hell Hath No Fury will be due for an update first. So enjoy this one, because it will most likely be several weeks before I get around to writing the next chapter. I promise I’ll get it up as soon as I can though!

Also…there is a section rated M in this chapter. It is clearly marked where you will want to stop reading, and then when it ends. It’s sex heavy, but not smut heavy. Still, read at your own peril, lol!

I still don’t own Castle…

xxxxx

Castle had barely seen Beckett since that night 3 weeks ago when she’d kissed him. The first week she’d been tied up prepping with an ADA for a trial, which worked out with him needing to finish a couple of chapters for the next Heat book, as well as some edits. And then Gina and Paula had worked together to ambush him with some promotional book signings and appearances in an effort to drum up more presales for his newest novel, not to mention the graphic novel for Storm that was being put together.

He’d seen her exactly twice…both times at the precinct when he’d brought her coffee. Neither time for very long, so they hadn’t been able to discuss their relationship or if the kiss she’d given him was a sign she was ready to move forward, but she had made time to spend several minutes with him in the break room since he had come all the way to the precinct just to bring her coffee. They would spend those ten minutes or so in the break room together, innocently flirting and occasionally standing just close enough to brush up against each other. And it always ended with the most brilliant smile from her, thanking him for the coffee. Castle knew he would go out of his way to bring her coffee every day for the rest of his life if she continued to smile at him the way she had those two days.

They had, of course, chatted via text and twice over the phone, but neither of them seemed to want to discuss the kiss or their relationship over the phone or text messages, and rightfully so. It was a big step for them; when it happened, it needed to be in person. She had known he was returning to the city that afternoon, so when his phone rang, he didn’t bother to look at the caller

ID, simply assuming it was her. No one else usually called him after 9 anymore.

“Did a body drop, or did you just miss me so much you couldn’t wait another day to see me?” he asked with a grin.

“Castle, I’m going to send you an address, and you need to get down here,” Lanie said simply.

“Lanie? What’s wrong?” he asked, the smile falling from his lips. Lanie never called him. Kate was the one who called him about a body drop.

“A body was found…”

He swallowed hard. “Kate? Did something happen to her?” he had to ask, interrupting before Lanie could finish her sentence. He felt his heart sink. Was Lanie calling to tell him something had happened to Kate?

Hearing the worry in his tone, Lanie realized what he must have thought. “The body we found is Mike Royce. Espo is just now calling her, so she’s not here yet, but you need to hurry. I doubt she’ll admit it, but she’s going to need you on this one.”

“I’m on my way,” he said, already out the door. He’d watched her go through hell several months ago when she’d realized Royce was part of their investigation and she’d had to arrest her former training officer. He could only imagine how his murder was going to hit her.

xxxxx

Castle’s eyes were on her the moment she got out of her unit. He could tell, just in the way she carried herself…the tension in her shoulders, the firm set of her jaw...she was torn up and doing everything she could to not appear that way.

“Where is he?” Beckett asked as she approached.

Montgomery stood beside Castle, shaking his head. “Turn around, go back home, and let me handle this.”

“Sir, I’ve seen dead bodies before,” she insisted.

The captain studied her for a moment but knew it was better for everyone if he just let her through. He nodded toward the back of the alley where Lanie was standing.

Castle was immediately at her side as she headed in that direction. “Come on, Kate…you don’t want to remember him like this,” he tried to get through to her.

“Castle, if it were me lying there, would you just walk away?” she turned to look at him.

Just the thought of that possibility sent a chill through his body and made him nauseous. He didn’t have to answer her question; the look he was giving her was answer enough–hell no, he wouldn’t just walk away. He would find whoever had hurt her, and then no one would ever find the body.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Lanie offered her condolences.

Beckett clenched her jaw and blinked, but Castle could tell she was struggling to hold onto her composure. “Tell me what happened.”

“He was shot in the leg. Judging from the blood trail, I’d say the bullet broke the bone. He tried to hide, but…” she trailed off with a shake of her head. “I found this in his pocket,” she handed Beckett an airplane ticket stub. “He flew in from LA this afternoon.”

Castle took a step closer to Beckett then. “What was he doing in LA?” he asked curiously.

“I heard he moved there after he lost his bounty hunter’s license. I guess he was trying to make a fresh start,” Beckett answered, looking over the ticket stub.

“When was the last time you spoke with him?” he asked her softly.

She swallowed hard, staring at the ticket stub before folding it back. “When I arrested him.” She took a deep breath. “Lanie, could I?”

“Sure,” Lanie answered, stepping out of the way and exchanging a look with Castle as Beckett approached Royce’s body.

Castle watched intently as she crouched down near the body and took a few minutes. He watched as her shoulders tensed a little more. He watched as she touched Royce’s hair and either sniffled or inhaled deeply…he couldn’t tell. He was ready to move to her side the minute she stood and headed back in his direction.

“Royce had something else in his pocket. It’s addressed to you,” Lanie handed her a note.

“Is it about the case?” Castle asked her as she opened it.

After reading for a few moments, Beckett folded the note and put it in her pocket. “No.”

Esposito approached them, carrying a gun. “I think we got the murder weapon. Found it in the garbage around the corner.”

“Gun was definitely fired recently,” Ryan added as he joined them. “Shooter took the time to empty the ammo before he dumped it.”

“Worried we’d find fingerprints on the bullets?” Castle raised the question.

Beckett took the gun and examined it. “This is a cheap street gun. It’s a throw away.” She studied the gun a little more. “There’s threading on the barrel.”

“Silencer?” Castle suggested.

Esposito nodded. “Yeah.”

“Allowing our killer to shoot Royce in broad daylight,” Beckett stated, handing the gun back to Esposito to bag as evidence.

“Listen, Beckett…we’re gonna get this guy,” Ryan assured her. “We got uniforms heading to every store and apartment within a 5-block radius.”

“This is New York. Somebody had to have seen something,” Esposito added.

Castle turned to her, placing his hand on her shoulder lightly after the boys walked away. “Kate…”

“Castle, I’m fine,” she insisted.

“You’re not fine,” he said softly. “Royce was your friend. It’s okay to take a few minutes to grieve,” he added. After a minute, he let his hand fall from her shoulder. “Why don’t you let me take you home? There’s nothing else you can do tonight. You can get some sleep and start fresh on the case in the morning,” he suggested.

Beckett was about to protest when Montgomery walked over to join them. “Alright, you’ve seen him. You paid your respects. Now go home, Beckett.”

“Sir,” she started to protest.

“There’s nothing else you can do here tonight. Dr. Parish won’t have anything for you until she does an exam. Uniforms are canvassing everywhere. Ryan and Esposito will handle anything else. They’ll call you if anything pops. Go home, Beckett. That’s an order.”

She looked between her captain and her partner and finally relented, wordlessly stepping away from them to go back to her unit. Castle was quick to follow her.

“Castle, you go home too,” she told him, stopping him as he went to get into her car. “You just got back from a book tour. I know you’re tired.”

“I’m okay. I can just sit with you. You shouldn’t be alone…you don’t have to be alone,” he offered.

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” she assured him.

“Kate…”

“Rick, please,” she said. She needed to be alone. She was going to fall apart when she got home, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her break like that.

The way she said his name, coupled with the look in her eyes had him nodding. “Okay. I’ll go home. But if you need anything…you call me. Even if all you need is me to sit on the phone with you in silence, ok?”

“Do you even know how to be silent?” she teased lightly, trying to show him that she was okay.

“I do, actually, when it matters. And I’m serious. Call me,” he insisted.

She nodded. “Okay.”

xxxxx

“Beckett, I’m not sending you to LA. You have no solid evidence linking Neal McCauley to this murder,” Montgomery insisted.

“He came to New York for 6 hours. Who flies in for that short a stay?” Castle pointed out.

“Businessmen do it all the time,” Montgomery countered.

“Businessmen don’t use fake IDs,” Castle countered back.

“Or pack silencers,” Beckett added.

Montgomery shook his head. “That’s supposition. I need a lot more than that to justify flying a detective across the country.”

Beckett shook her head as well. “You and I both know the longer I wait to go out there, the colder this trail gets.”

“Take a day to shore this up. And then if there’s sufficient evidence, I’ll contact the LAPD.”

“You’ll contact the LAPD?” Beckett asked incredulously. “This is my case! This happened in our jurisdiction. You think the LAPD is gonna lift a finger?”

“Kate, you’re too close to this!” Montgomery insisted.

“No, Sir, I am committed. I am not compromised.”

“You’re torn up,” he interrupted her. “Kate, things between you and Royce ended badly. I get it. But that emotion is exactly why I need to assign this to someone else.”

Beckett paused then, taking a step back. “You know what? You’re right. I am too close to this. I have some vacation days coming up. I think now would be a good time,” she stated, turning to head out of the office.

“Kate,” he called, stopping her. “I hope you’re not thinking about doing something reckless.”

She turned to face him, meeting his eyes for a long moment. “No, Sir,” she stated, leaving the office.

Castle���s eyes met Montgomery’s and both men seemed to understand each other. Montgomery’s look told Castle to follow her…something he would have done anyway…because neither man believed she was stepping back and doing nothing.

“Where are you going?” Castle called after her.

“Home,” she insisted.

“The hell you are. I know you better than that,” he tried to stop her with a hand on her arm.

“Castle, please,” she pulled it away. “He was my training officer…my friend. I just…I really need to be alone right now,” she told him, making her way to the elevator.

Castle watched helplessly as the doors closed. Why did it always feel like they’d take one step forward and then something happened to make them take two steps back? He was really beginning to hate that dance.

“You know she’s going to LA,” Espo said, coming up behind him.

“I know,” Castle sighed.

“You really think she’s going to just willingly let you go with her?” Ryan asked as he joined them.

“She won’t have much of a choice if she doesn’t find out until the plane is already in the air,” Castle stated simply, already pulling out his phone to check for the next flight to LA, knowing she’d be on it. “Whether she likes it or not, someone’s got to have her back…and I’m her partner.” He headed for the elevator himself; he had a couple of hours to pack a bag and get to the airport, already calling to arrange a hotel suite for them.

xxxxx

Kate Beckett hated the middle seats in airplanes. Unfortunately, that was all that was available to her last minute. She knew she was lucky to have gotten on the flight at all considering she’d been on standby status. Still, being squished between two larger men was going to make for a very uncomfortable flight across the country…especially if the baby screaming in the cabin didn’t eventually tire itself out and fall asleep.

“Excuse me, Detective Beckett?” one of the flight attendants approached her.

“Yes?” she answered.

“You’ve been upgraded to first class.”

Beckett didn’t even question the reason. “Thank you,” she smiled, standing quickly. “I’m sorry…excuse me,” she said to the man, climbing over him to get out of the cramped row. She followed the flight attendant to the first-class cabin.

“Seat 3C,” the attendant told her.

“Thank you,” she smiled her relief. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the man she’d be sitting next to.

“Champagne?” he asked innocently with a smile.

She took the seat beside him, fastening her seatbelt. “Castle, what are you doing?”

He shrugged with a grin. “The studio’s been after me for weeks to fly down and do a set visit for the Heat Wave movie. Imagine my surprise when I saw your name on the standby list,” he took a sip of the champagne.

“You cannot be a part of what I’m gonna do out there,” she told him simply.

“I thought you were on vacation,” he pointed out.

“Castle,” she shook her head. “Look, it’s one thing for you to follow me when we’re in New York, but I’m not a cop in LA. I don’t have any authority or backup,” she told him.

“I’ll be your backup,” he insisted. Seeing her roll her eyes, he continued. “I’m your partner. Besides, going rogue is kind of my specialty.”

“Yeah, but subtlety isn’t,” she countered with a small smile. “I’m not going to get rid of you am I?” she asked him. Seeing him shake his head, she sighed. “Okay, if we do this together you have to promise me that we’re gonna fly under the radar.”

“Of course,” he smiled, offering her the extra glass of champagne.

She studied him for a moment before taking it with another roll of her eyes. She took a sip, offering him a small smile. “Thank you for upgrading me. I was kind of miserable back there.”

“You mean, you didn’t enjoy your seat sandwiched between two of the linemen for the Giants?” he asked with a chuckle.

“No,” she smirked. “The screaming baby didn’t help either.”

He laughed softly. “You’re welcome. Besides, how are we supposed to talk strategy with you in the back of the plane and me in the front?”

“We weren’t supposed to talk strategy at all,” she laughed, nudging his shoulder playfully.

“We have a 6-hour flight, Beckett. It’s going to be a long 6 hours if we don’t talk.”

She smiled and took another sip of her champagne. “Some people sleep on a flight.”

“Are you one of those people?” he asked with a smile.

She shrugged. “Sometimes. Probably not this flight. I’ve got too much on my mind.”

He nodded, placing a hand over hers. “I’m here for whatever you want to talk about,” he offered her a smile. “Or we could just drink,” he joked.

“I think one glass will suffice,” she chuckled, stretching her legs out.

He smiled and squeezed her hand before releasing it. The surprise was evident on his face when she took his hand back in hers a moment later.

“Thanks for coming with me, Castle,” she said softly, offering him a smile and pulling their joined

hands back into her lap.

“Always,” he smiled, stretching his legs out to get comfortable as well.

xxxxx

“Is this what you call under the radar?” Beckett asked, gesturing to the red Ferrari they were currently in.

“In LA, this baby fits right in,” Castle insisted. “So what’s our first stop?”

“My hotel. It’s on Ventura Blvd.”

Castle shot her a look. “That’s all the way in the Valley. How are we supposed to work together if you’re an hour away?”

“Castle, we weren’t supposed to work together at all,” she reminded him.

He shrugged. “Okay, well the studio comped me a two-bedroom suite at a 4-star hotel. You just stay with me,” he stated as though it were a no-brainer.

She snorted a laugh. “Yeah right!”

“What?” he asked, turning to look at her. “You’ll have your own room.”

“No! I am not staying with you!” she insisted, biting back another laugh.

He raised an eyebrow, almost in a challenge. “Worried you can’t control yourself when we’re alone together?”

Her smile faltered only slightly. It was a legitimate concern of hers, yes, considering the current state of their relationship and how close they currently were to crossing the line between friends and lovers…but she wasn’t going to admit that to him. “Actually, it’s not me that I’m worried about,” she replied.

“I assure you, Detective, my intentions are pure,” he insisted as the light they were stopped at turned green. He paused a moment before continuing. “Need I remind you that the last two times we were alone together, you were the one who kissed me,” he commented nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on the road.

She tugged her lower lip between her teeth. She couldn’t even deny that. Even though it had been months ago and she hadn’t ended her relationship with Josh at the time, she’d still been the one to kiss him on Valentine’s Day over wine in his loft. And now that they were both single,

she hadn’t been able to resist kissing him when they’d gone out 3 weeks ago after he’d been so jealous of Alex Conrad.

Yes, they were here to work…at least she was…but she also couldn’t deny the attraction and connection that pulled them together, couldn’t deny that they were one “Yes” from her away from becoming romantic partners in addition to professional ones. Here to work or not, she knew it was a very real possibility that when they were alone together she would give into the temptation that was her desire to be with him. Simply having her own bedroom didn’t guarantee she wouldn’t seek him out in the middle of the night without anything holding her back anymore.

“Fine, I’ll stay with you,” she finally agreed. She knew herself well enough to know there was a very real possibility she would find herself in his bed…or invite him into hers…before they left LA. She only hoped she was ready for everything that entailed. Because once they crossed that last line between them, she knew there would be no going back. If she messed it all up, if they crashed and burned, she would lose him forever…and she wasn’t sure that was a loss from which she’d recover.

xxxxx

“We’re so happy to have you back, Mr. Castle,” Maurice the concierge smiled. “I’ve taken the liberty of setting up the suite just the way you like it.”

“Thank you,” Castle returned the man’s smile.

“And I’ve scheduled a couple’s massage at 7,” Maurice added.

Beckett paused looking around the suite for a moment to cut Castle a look. “Pure, huh?”

Castle’s eyes widened slightly. “Uh, Maurice, you can cancel the couple’s massage. We’re actually here to work, so we won’t be needing that tonight.” He didn’t ask for the champagne or flowers to be removed, however.

Maurice nodded. “Very good, Sir.”

Castle handed the bellhop who handled their luggage a tip and offered Maurice one as well. “Thank you, Maurice.” He followed the men out and closed the double doors behind them. “The last time I was here, I brought this Parisian supermodel, so he…” he trailed off when he caught the look Beckett shot him and he realized bringing up the fact that he’d been with other women here was probably not the best idea considering they were working toward a relationship with each other. “You know, that is not important. Would you like to choose your bedroom?”

She rolled her eyes and went to her carry-on to get her jacket. “No, I would like to start the investigation.”

“But we haven’t even ordered room service yet,” Castle pointed out.

“Castle, I’m not here for room service, I’m here for justice,” she stated, heading for the doors.

“Can’t we have both?” Castle called as he followed her. “Wow. In LA for all of a minute and already she’s spouting cheesy movie dialogue. Must be something in the air.”

xxxxx

“Picture this: a gullible young actress, desperate to make a name for herself. She meets our mastermind at a club. He needs a pretty girl to help him get the voice code. He tells Violet he’s a producer, promises to make her famous if she helps him play a practical joke on a friend,” Castle theorizes. He turns to face Beckett on the couch in the living room area of their suite.

Beckett turns a little more facing him, her elbow resting on the back of the couch with her head resting on her hand. The bottle of champagne from earlier is opened and mostly empty on the coffee table in front of them. “She doesn’t even realize that she’s participating in a crime until afterwards. She can’t call the cops, so she contacts Royce.”

“But then, our Mr. McCauley finds out,” Castle continues to build theory with her.

“And Royce tries to change the game. He goes to New York; home-field advantage. Classic. Classic Royce,” Beckett smiled slightly. “I was so in awe of him, Castle when I first met him. I just hung on his every word. And then later, I realized he was just making up stories to mess with me,” she gave a soft laugh, but her smile faded. “I can’t believe that I’m never gonna see him again.”

He studied her for a moment, shifting just a little closer. “You know what I first thought when I met you?” he asked her.

She turned her attention back to him. “Mm?” she hummed the question.

“That you were a mystery I was never gonna solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you, I’m still amazed at the depths of your strength…your heart…” he trailed off as the faintest smile teased his lips, “and your hotness.”

She looked down for a moment and then met his smile with one of her own. “You’re not so bad yourself, Castle.”

Their eyes locked and they held each other’s gaze. He wanted to kiss her…so badly. Under any other circumstance, he would have. But she was vulnerable now. She was dealing with her grief over the loss of her friend whom he knew she cared for deeply. He wouldn’t be the guy who took

advantage of that. He cared too much about her to be the guy who did that to her. If there was a move to be made, she was going to have to be the one to initiate it.

“I should go. It’s late,” Beckett stood, finally breaking the moment between them as she headed for her bedroom door.

“Kate…”

“Goodnight, Castle,” she stated, stepping inside and closing the door. She leaned against it, running her hands over her face and through her hair. A hundred thoughts were running through her mind: She should have kissed him. Why was she running? How badly she wanted to kiss him. How badly she wanted to lose herself in his arms tonight, let him make her forget everything else but him and the way she knew he would make her feel. But was that fair to him to do it this way? Was it fair to either of them to spend their first night together under these circumstances? Was she ready to fully embrace the depth of her feelings for him? Was she ready to embrace the depth of his feelings for her?

Her hand lingered over the door handle for another moment as she hesitated. The words from Royce’s letter echoed in her mind: And now for the hard part, kid. It’s clear that you and Castle have something real. And you’re fighting it. But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we’re alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only. A moment later, she’d made her decision. She wanted the comfort he would provide. She wanted to touch him, to taste him, to feel him. She just wanted him. She opened the door and met his eyes as he stood from the couch. “Castle…” she breathed from her doorway.

He wordlessly approached her, coming to stand in front of her in her doorway. In her bare feet, she was a good 5 or 6 inches shorter than him, and his eyes were soft as he looked at her. “Kate…” he murmured, unable to resist reaching out to run his fingers gently across her cheek.

Her hands moved to his chest and her eyes closed as she leaned into his touch. Her fingers tightened in his shirt and she pulled him closer against her, opening her eyes to look at his lips.

He leaned down, his lips stopping just before they touched hers. Swallowing hard, he had to make sure. “Kate, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he murmured in a whisper.

Her nose nuzzled his, her lips moving the tiniest bit closer until they were only a hair’s width apart and she could feel his breath tickling her lips. “You’re not…” she breathed, her lips barely brushing his as she spoke. “If we hadn’t been so busy the past few weeks, this would have already happened…”

He swallowed hard again. She was making it so damn hard to think straight, to try to be the

gentleman. “I thought you wanted to wait…”

The last words from Royce played over again in her head. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only. “I’m done waiting,” she told him.

“You won’t regret this in the morning?” he had to ask her. Because he wouldn’t be able to handle it if she did.

“No regrets,” she promised, unable to take it anymore and closing the almost invisible distance between their lips with a slow kiss. She stepped back from him into her room a few moments later, her lower lip tugged between her teeth and the look in her eyes inviting, imploring him to follow her.

He was powerless to resist her now, and he knew it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them a second later, he followed her into her bedroom and closed the door behind him.

xxxxx

IT’S ABOUT TO GET STEAMY

SKIP THIS PART IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ SEXY TIMES

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Her eyes never left his as he approached her. She took the final step toward him necessary to close the distance between them again and took his face in her hands. This time when she kissed him, the dam broke; her feelings for him, their physical attraction to each other, the past two+ years…everything poured into her kiss. She was drowning in his kiss, in him, and for once she didn’t care.

Her tongue ravaged his mouth, and he let her take what she needed, what she wanted from him while his hands gripped her hips and pulled her closer. One hand slowly ran up her back and curled into her hair, deepening the kiss until both needed some oxygen. His mouth ran along her jaw to her neck and finally along her throat, grazing her skin lightly with his teeth as he tasted her.

Her hands moved to his plaid button-up shirt and shoved it over his shoulders, causing him to release his hold on her long enough to yank his arms free from it. She grabbed his t-shirt and tugged it over his head as well, her eyes and fingers traveling the lines of muscle across and down his now bare chest appreciatively. Her lips grazed against the hollow of his neck where it met his chest, her tongue darting out to taste his skin. Her arms moved around him, her fingers sliding up the muscles of his back as she pressed an open-mouth kiss to his chest, smiling against his skin at the low groan that escaped his throat.

When he felt her fingers at his belt before he’d even had the chance to get her shirt off her, he

caught her wrists and brought them to his lips for a gentle kiss. “Not so fast,” he murmured with a smile. He caught her playful look and returned it with one of his own before grabbing the hem of her shirt and bringing it up and over her head. His eyes darkened at the exposed skin, the black lace of her bra a stark contrast against her tanned skin. His fingers gently traced along the length of her bra strap at her shoulder as he circled behind her.

The feel of his lips on her shoulder and then her neck as he pushed her hair aside drew a gasp from her lips. His mouth lightly danced along the curve of her neck as his fingers unclasped her bra. She leaned back against him as his hands slowly slid the straps down her arms until the piece fell from her body to the floor. Her head fell back against his shoulder and her eyes closed as his lips slid to her shoulder, one hand flattening against her stomach to hold her against him, the other moving to her breast, eliciting a soft moan from her lips.

He bit her shoulder gently as he squeezed her breast. One of her hands moved to cover his on her breast, and her other moved to his head, pulling him into a smoldering kiss. As she tugged his lip between her teeth and bit gently, the hand on her stomach slid lower, dipping inside her pants, his fingers lightly tracing along her underwear. She moaned her approval into his mouth and released her grip on his hand to guide the hand in her pants lower until she could press his fingers into the heat between her legs.

Even through her panties, he could feel her arousal, causing him to groan against her lips. “Kate…” he breathed, his mouth moving to her neck as his fingers slipped past the barrier of her underwear to slide between her legs. The feel of his touch where she was already so ready for him caused her hips to buck against his hand and nearly sent her spiraling. The hand still joined with his on her breast flexed and squeezed, while her hand that had guided his into her pants gripped his hip, her fingers curling in his belt loops.

He continued to work her up with his fingers at her core, his lips gently sucking and nipping at her skin, and his other hand on her breast, alternating between massaging and rolling her nipple between his fingers. It wasn’t long before he had her a whimpering mess, his name escaping her lips in a breathless moan as she crashed over the edge. His fingers continued to work her through her orgasm until she couldn’t take it anymore and gripped his forearm, tugging his hand away. He smirked against her skin, moving his hand to her stomach to hold her against him as she recovered, his lips softly caressing her skin.

Once she regained her senses, she turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his smile with one of her own. “Hi,” she murmured, kissing him slowly.

“Hi,” he returned, resting his forehead against hers. He slowly walked her back toward the bed, easing her back and lowering her down on it when her legs hit the edge. He moved over her, capturing her mouth with his in a passionate kiss, his tongue slowly stroking hers. This time when he felt her fingers slide down his chest to his belt, he didn’t stop her.

She easily unfastened his belt and the button on his pants, and then slowly slid the zipper down. Her fingers teased just underneath the waistband of his boxers before her hands moved to his hips. She pushed both his jeans and boxers over his hips, her hands sliding around to grab his ass, squeezing the ample flesh as she pulled him into the cradle of her thighs. “Get them off…” she murmured, her lips brushing against his jaw as she pushed them as far down as she could.

He did as he was told, standing and removing his last remaining clothing. She pushed up to her elbows to watch, her eyes darkening as she took in the sight of him for the first time. She sat up, her hands moving to his hips as she pulled him to stand in front of her.

“Kate…you don’t have to…” he started.

“I know,” she met his eyes with a smile. She knew he would never expect or even ask her to do what she was about to do. But she wanted him, wanted all of him; she had for awhile. “I want to taste you.”

Her lips pressed a soft kiss to his stomach, glancing up at him as one hand moved to his length, her slender fingers stroking him slowly. She smirked against his skin at the low groan and moved her mouth to his hip, nipping playfully before blazing a trail of open mouth kisses across his skin as she worked her mouth further down. She looked up at him watching her and saw his eyes close as she ran her tongue the length of him before taking him in her mouth and sucking gently.

It took all of his willpower not to buck his hips into her mouth, but he somehow managed. He forced himself to keep his eyes open, watching her, one hand tangling in her hair…not to guide her movement, but to simply caress her. After a few moments, he hand to stop her. “Kate…” he managed to choke out her name on a strangled moan, his hand gently caressing her cheek. “I can’t…you’ve got to stop…or it’s going to be over to soon…” he managed to get out, trying to force his breathing to return to normal.

She raised an eyebrow, slightly amused as she leaned back on her elbows. He moved with her, leaning down to kiss her again, moaning against her lips as her tongue sensually tangoed with his. His hands gripped her leggings and pulled them down her legs slowly, standing to toss them aside as she shifted to push herself up on the bed, resting her head on the pillows.

He crawled up the bed to her with a grin, dropping soft kisses to the inside of her knee and trailing his tongue along the skin of her thigh. When he reached her underwear, he paused and looked up at her. “You’re sure?” he asked her again.

She pushed up on her elbows so she could gently caress his face. “Make love to me, Rick…” she told him softly, pulling him to her for a slow, deep kiss as she slid her body against his.

He groaned, wrapping her in his arms as he deepened the kiss. When he finally broke away, he pushed up to his knees and hooked his fingers in her panties, drawing them down her legs slowly before dropping them to the floor to the side of the bed. He swallowed hard as his eyes traveled over her body slowly. “You’re beautiful, Kate…” he murmured in awe. His hand slowly, lightly ran up her thigh as he settled between her legs.

He trailed kisses across her stomach before getting sidetracked by the tattoo on her hip, which she’d fully expected, tracing the outline with his tongue. His mouth continued it’s path, until his tongue dipped inside her, finally tasting her, and he knew at that moment he was addicted. Each touch of his fingers to her skin, each press of his lips, each stroke of his tongue was reverent, as though her body was a temple at which he was worshiping. He took his time as he worked her up, enjoying the taste of her, enjoying the soft moans and whimpers of pleasure as he explored her body, learning the way she liked to be touched so intimately.

It wasn’t long before she was moaning his name as she came, her fingers clenching in the comforter on the bed. He gently but firmly held her hips in place as mouth continued to work her through her orgasm, and then suck on her bundle of nerves until she quickly came undone again, his name falling from her lips in a strangled scream. Only when her fingers curled in his hair and pulled him away slightly did he move his mouth to her hip, biting enough to leave a mark and soothing it with his tongue.

His kisses were slow and gentle as they moved back up her body, giving her time to recover. It wasn’t until he was settled in the cradle of her thighs with her hips rocking against his as they kissed passionately that he realized–he didn’t have protection on him. “Kate…” he pulled away breathlessly. “I didn’t bring…I mean, I didn’t expect that we would…I don’t have condoms…”

“Neither do I…You don’t carry one in your wallet?”

“Not if I don’t think I’m going to need it…which I didn’t…because we weren’t together…and I did not come out here with the intention of sleeping with you…” he murmured, moving to shift off her.

She gently stopped him, her fingertips lightly caressing his jaw. “Castle, it’s okay,” she assured him softly, pressing a kiss to his chin. “I’m clean. And I’m on birth control. So I’m good without one if you are.” He was the only man she would ever consider doing this with, and only because she trusted him implicitly. She'd never even had unprotected sex with Josh. There was no one she trusted the way she trusted Castle.

He stared at her for a moment, because he knew the level of trust that she was putting in him with that statement, with that action. “I’m clean…” he promised. “You’re…you’re really sure about this, Kate? Because I can’t promise you I’ll be able to pull out before I…”

She interrupted him with a kiss. “I’m sure. I trust you completely, Rick…”

This time it was him who cut off her words with a deep kiss. I love you, was right on the tip of his tongue to say, but he didn’t dare say it now. He’d told her before…on more than one occasion, admittedly not always at the best moment. The last thing he wanted was to send her running now if she wasn’t ready to hear those words from him again. Instead, he’d show her.

One of his hands found hers and he laced their fingers, pushing their joined hands above her head. His other hand lightly caressed her thigh and shifted, meeting her eyes as he slowly slid inside her. She gasped softly, and his forehead rested against hers as they both took a moment to savor the connection.

Her hand squeezed his and her free hand caressed his cheek as her lips met his again in a tender kiss. One of her legs hooked over his hip, pulling him in closer, and a soft moan escaped her throat. Another moan escaped, this time from each of them, as she rocked her hips against his to get him to move.

They exchanged breathless kisses, gentle caresses, soft moans as their bodies moved together almost seamlessly, meeting each other perfectly, each knowing what the other needed or wanted as though they were in a well-choreographed dance and not coming together for the first time.

As he felt his climax approaching, he released her hand and shifted so that he had a deeper angle. “Kate…I’m close…” he warned dropping his mouth to her neck.

Her lips moved to his ear as her hands slid down his back, her nails raking across his skin. “Let go with me…inside me…” she panted breathlessly, tugging on his ear with her teeth as her legs pulled him in closer to reinforce her words.

Her breathless moans and the way she moved her body with his, the way her legs tightened around his waist, was enough to push him over the edge and pull her with him. He thrust a few more times until he was completely spent, and dropped down, rolling them so she was on top of him.

xxxxx

SEXY TIMES IS OVER

IT IS SAFE TO READ AGAIN

EVERYTHING BELOW IS RATED T

They stayed wrapped in each other's arms silently, both catching their breath. He caught her hand drawing patterns on his chest after a few minutes and brought it to his lips for a gentle kiss.

“You were right…I had no idea,” he admitted with a grin.

She laughed softly and pushed herself up on his chest to look at him. “You still don’t,” she grinned. Seeing his look, she kissed him as she laughed again. “That was just a preview,” she murmured against his lips before pushing herself up off the bed. “Be right back,” she promised, pressing one last kiss to his lips before disappearing into the bathroom.

When she returned, he’d gotten under the covers and made no attempt to hide his enjoyment in the fact that she hadn’t bothered to put any of her clothes…or his…back on to cover up. She met his gaze with an amused arch of her eyebrow, turning the lights off on her way back to bed. “Staring is still creepy, bud.”

He chuckled as she slipped back into bed beside him. “Can’t help it,” he shrugged, turning on his side to look at her. “I told you before…I’m still amazed at your hotness.” He couldn’t help but reach out and let his fingers trace along her curves.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she echoed her own words from earlier, sliding closer to kiss him. She grinned against his lips as he deepened the kiss and threw her leg over his hips, quickly straddling him, running her hands over his chest as she stared down at him. “You wanna find out what you really had no idea about?” she asked in a husky tone, already sliding her body sinfully against his as she bit her lower lip.

He swallowed hard, his hands moving to her thighs. “Yes, please,” he managed to choke out. The way she was moving her body against his was similar to every fantasy and wet dream he’d had about her since that undercover date in the club back in February. Only now it was real…she was really here, it was really her body moving against his, and it was better than any fantasy.

She leaned down to kiss him with a wicked grin. “Your safe word still apples?” she purred against his lips.

All he could do was nod.

xxxxx

Okay, I am aware this is only the first half of the LA episode. I went a little crazy here…I told you guys it was a favorite of mine! And I am sorry, but you will have to wait until I return from vacation to get the chapter dealing with the second half of the episode. But I did make this a long one to tide you over in the meantime!

I really hope you enjoyed this one! And I look forward to reading all your comments for those who leave them!

[the-hinky-panda]

June Bug: Part II

Goodie’s ruined this thing between the two of you, he’s certain of it. 

Two dinner dates and just like that it’s over because of Carl fucking Caputo and the KC mafia. Goodie had invited you to attend the grand opening of the Bred 2 Buck last night and you had showed up, looking drop dead gorgeous as you typically do. You were dressed in a hunter green cocktail dress and matching heels. Your hair was once again in a braided updo with a golden lily tucked into the dark tresses. But you were nervous, cautious, wanting to speak with him immediately and privately when you arrived. 

“There’s a man out back, in the alleyway.” 

He had given you a reassuring smile. “This is why we have security.” 

“No, I know him. He’s from Kansas City. Goodie, he’s got a gun, I saw it under his jacket. He’s waiting for someone. You, Dwight, Mitch, I don’t know. Just,” you smoothed down the lapels of his suit jacket, “just be very, very careful.” 

He reached and gently touched your arm. “Hey, we know. It’ll be fine.” Then came the hard part of the conversation. “But I’m going to be handling this for the rest of the night most likely. I’m sorry.” 

You nodded with a tinge of resignation. “I understand.”  

“So what’s the plan, G-man?” 

Goodie pulls out a cigarette and lights it, rolling down the passenger side window of the truck. “What do you mean, Tyson?” 

“With your girl, what’s her name? April.” 

“June,” Bigfoot corrects. “June Wilson. Her family is quite well-known in Kentucky.” 

“Really?” That takes Goodie by surprise. You hadn’t mentioned anything about your family or being from Kentucky. It reminds him of how much he wants to learn about you. “How so?” 

“Her family are legends in the horse racing world. They’ve had three horses win the Kentucky Derby in the last ten years. A couple went on to win at the Preakness but then they were scratched at the Belmont. No triple crown winners but they’re billionaires off the stud fees alone.” 

“See, now that’s what I’m talking about,” Tyson speaks up from the back seat of the cab. “Million dollar horse juice.” 

“Tyson, it’s too early in the morning to be talking about this.” Goodie checks his phone for the fiftieth time and there’s still no notification from you. He had told you to stay with Margaret for the evening; Dwight assured him that he would make sure you got home safely. He was hoping for a text at least. Silence is not a good sign. 

“The kid did ask a good question,” Bigfoot says. “How are you going to make this up to her?” 

“I don’t know.” Goodie leans his head back and takes a deep drag on the cigarette. “Listen to me kid, you want to get into this life, this is something you need to know about it. Finding a woman who will put up with, let alone accept this kind of life, doesn't happen. Not often at least.” 

Tyson’s quiet for a moment. “I don’t know about that, G. I mean, she really loves you, like truly, won’t she stick by you, thick and thin, better or worse…” 

Goodie shakes his head. “I’m 55 and haven’t found her yet.” And it hasn’t been from lack of trying if he’s honest. 

“Maybe,” Bigfoot interjects. 

“Yeah, you don’t know that June is going to be uncool with you ducking on her.” 

“Questions are always asked and if they don’t like the answers or lack thereof, it’s over.” He sighs when the truck pulls onto the street where his apartment building is located. “There’s a cost to everything, Tyson, and you gotta be willing to pay it. Especially if you’re wanting to really live this life. You got a choice right now. Make sure you’re making the right one. ” 

“Or,” Bigfoot parks the truck along the curb, “she doesn’t care what the answers are and shows up with coffee and breakfast.” 

Goodie looks at the steps and sees you sitting there. You changed out of the dress and heels into a pull over, jeans, and boots. You have four coffees and two bags from the bagel shop a couple blocks away. He’s in shock. Never has this happened before. He’s still thinking the worst when he gets out of the truck, even with the smile that you greet him with. Even when you greet him with a brief kiss. You take two of the coffees and one bag and pass it through the still open window. 

“Thought you boys might appreciate some breakfast after a…long night.” 

Tyson is clambering into the passenger seat. “Oh, these are the good ones! Girl knows her bagels!” 

Bigfoot takes the coffees and puts them in the cup holders. “I think what he was trying to say was thank you. That’s very kind of you.” 

Fat chance of that happening as Tyson already has half an everything bagel shoved in his mouth. You laugh and wave goodbye to them before turning him. “I hope you don’t mind I waited for you.” 

He still feels like this is going to go South at any minute. “Of course not. It’s great seeing you.” 

You hand him a cup of coffee. “I know you’re probably tired and wanting to get some sleep, but I was hoping you would be free for dinner tonight. At my house.” 

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Your house, you’re sure?” He knows nothing of where you live. You’ve kept that a very close secret. Even Margaret had told him that there’s only one or two people who know where your house is located. This invitation is more than just a dinner invite. It’s a fucking huge sign of trust, especially knowing what he had just been doing tonight. You’ve accepted him and it leaves him with just one burning question. “Why?” 

You cross your arms over your chest and frown slightly. “I guess because I want to have a safe and comfortable place where we can talk. Openly.” 

“Openly?” 

“You’re not the only one who’s done…not quite legal things.” You give him a smile. “I like you, Goodie. A lot, actually. If this is going to work, we need to be honest, good, bad, and ugly. And I’ve got some ugly things in my closet.” 

“Is that why we need to meet at your house? So I can,” he gives you a cheeky grin, “check out your closet?” 

You let out a startled laugh and immediately clap your hand over your mouth. The tension in your face relaxes and a genuine smile replaces the seriousness. “Yeah, you could say that. So, will you come tonight and see if our skeletons can get along?” 

“Yes,” he slips an arm around you, tugging you against him. “I would love that.”

[miakate-writes]

HIHIHIHI. this isn’t a prompt ig BUT IT KINDA IS. im wondering about love story prompts but YOUR love story 😭. i love hearing abt people’s crushes and tea in general 💀.

you mentioned you had a bf(ITHINK) SO LIKE DROP THE LOVE STORY???? if you’re comfortable in saying ofcofc and it doesnt have to have that much details if you’re not comfortable in sharing it..

GIRLLLL U ARE NOT READY (also tysm for this ask, any opportunity to talk about him 🫶🏻)

also idk how i want to lay this out so i’m just gonna tell u some deets bc i love him sm :)

so basically i’ve liked him since october 2022 and we started dating on april 24th 2023 (the day before my birthday if anyone cares)

defo a “she fell first, he fell harder”

after talking for a painful month (i think it was a month but i’m not really sure bc i didnt even know what a talking stage was or how to know when ur in one), i asked him out

now, the asking him out process was a very stressful one - i had to go downstairs from my bedroom and make myself a VERY strong coffee to get me through it and after screaming a lot, jumping up and down a lot, and my mum and brother crossing their fingers for me, i managed to send that hella risky text and *boom* he felt the same way

the week of our photography exam (we shared a class which is how we got to spend so much time together during secondary school) he bought a flask of coffee into school and we shared it and i got all excited bc it was an "indirect kiss"

our first kiss was on 22nd June, i had been building up to kissing him for like a month and i even started to get my friend to hint to him that he should kiss me - but i beat him to it and kissed him before he left my house that day, then went and celebrated with my mum <3

we went to prom together in July after we had been dating for a while and he said "i love you" while we were dancing - not to slow music bc prom was shit and they only played disco music - and he now will never let it go that he beat me to saying "i love you" even though i asked him out and i kissed him first

he's been the literal best person ever in terms of helping me through all my mental health shenanigans (there's so much going on guys) and i love him so much for it

its been 8 months and 3 days now and i've literally never been happier and i have a small feeling that he feels the same

yea guys we're gonna get married and have 2 kids, 2 dogs and a cat

(might do a part two to this of like stupid quotes that we've said bc this is so fun el oh el)

[hoes4hoseok]

txt as emails i can't send

enhypen version ☆ sour version ☆ masterlist

"i'm gonna see sabrina today YAY <3"...is what i wrote as the caption for this in APRIL when i started writing this. she was AMAZING though. enjoy!

beomgyu as read your mind

"you say that you wanna be alone, but night & day, want me at your beck & call"

beomgyu is 100% cryptic but (hopefully) only until you actually start dating

so it might be very hard to read him & figure out whether or not he wants you

he definitely thinks of a partnership as a team (as he should)

but...he might have trouble doing that if he hasn't dated anyone in a hot minute

(yikes)

i think he'd be kinda unintentionally hypocritical & be like "just tell me" when you're hiding something from him

&& then turn around & do the same thing LOL

hueningkai as already over

"how am i supposed to close the door when i still need the closure?"

something about the yeehaw energy in this song screams hueningkai to me

but beyond that, i low-key think hueningkai wouldn't have the guts to break up with you

&& i don't mean that solely in a the way that he strings you along, but rather the "i like you a lot so i'll keep making out with you but this is not working & we both know it" way

you could sense it too but you'd kind of be the same way 😭

that's not healthy though!! we all know that right?!

yeonjun as bet u wanna

"hurts to see me out of your reach, bet you wanna touch me now"

i can see this going both ways, no matter who dumped who, one of y'all would probably regret it!!

if it was you regretted it, it would be sparked by just seeing him him again

whereas i can picture yeonjun having terrible timing and realizing he still wanted you after you were already moving on with someone else

either way, you would not get back together after this fiasco. because damn.

also. something about the yeehaw energy in THIS song screams YEONJUN to me.

soobin as skinny dipping

"it'd be so nice, right? right? if we could take it all off & just exist"

soobin wouldn't want to go no-contact after your break up, but that's just how it works out sometimes

it's hard to see someone you still love & not be with them!

so naturally, you'd stop going to your coffee shop at the same time & texting him about your family drama

but you'd miss each other

so naturally, you'd think a lot about meeting him again under different circumstances when you could forget about the unintentional pain you caused each other

i think if you did meet each other in the future, friendship would definitely be on the table

&& maybe more further down the line :)

taehyun as things i wish you said

"i waste my time, i waste my life on idiotic things, like things you never said, things you'll never say to me"

taehyun may be honest with you when you break up but,, that doesn't mean that the truth is what you want to hear

so he'd tell you as much of the truth he thinks you can "handle" but that just hurts you more because you fill in the gaps yourself

&& afterward you'd just kind of be hoping it's hurting him as much as it's hurting you

when it isn't — & you have to remind yourself that he would have told you if it did

but really,, would he?

enhypen version ☆ sour version ☆ masterlist

[ohmygodshesinsane]

@jilychallenge2023 @jilychallenge | partner: @wearingaberetinparis

Month: April Letters, Notes, and Texting

Prompt: “Haha if we lived together you would get more sleep because I would always make you come to bed with me.” “Haha, if you lived with me, we would get very little sleep, Hahahahaha.” “... haha is that so?” “Mhmm, haha.” “Haha” “Haha”

((I’m sorry this is so so late! And the prompt does get involved - just in a later chapter ;) ))

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

haha, unless...

Lily Evans is not a problem-causer, really, truly - she's just surrounded by them. How is she supposed to have a normal life when her roommates are completely barmy, her sister hates her (and is planning a wedding), and now some random blokes from Marlene's class are barging onto her sofa every week to interrupt a hitherto sacred space.

It's not as if she wants James Potter to be attacked by chavs, become Jesus, buy her coffee, or listen to her ramble about Petunia. Mostly that's his fault.

Really.

chapter one: make herpes reimburse you

[available on Ao3]

[purrincess-chat]

Under the Moth’s Wing CH6: Lady Wifi

April Fools! The joke is I don’t have anymore of this story ready after this chapter, so this is all you guys get for now. Also Ladrien in Adrinette April? ;) Anyway, I’ve been busy, so I haven’t had much time to write or work on this one, but I promise I’ll be getting back to it soon! Until then enjoy this update ;)

Read on AO3

Chapter 6

“Hey, bugheads! Alya here with another update on Paris’s new superheroine! Our girl has done it again, defeating Stormy Weather earlier this afternoon. I wasn’t able to get much footage because I was stuck under ice, but I haven’t given up on our mission to find out who the girl under the mask really is. None of my current theories have much evidence, so one thing is for sure: Ladybug is seriously good at keeping her identity a secret, but that won’t stop me from investigating! I’ll keep you guys updated. Bye for now, bugheads. Don’t forget to stay connected!”

Adrien dimmed the screen on his phone at the dining table, and his father sipped his coffee pensively.

“Alya is really interested in finding out Ladybug’s identity. I think she could lead us to her,” he said.

“Excellent work, Adrien. I think you’re right, this girl could prove valuable to our cause.” His father smirked, the closest expression to a smile his father was capable of in Adrien’s experience. “Keep an eye on her, and let me know if she finds anything.”

“Yes, Father.”

School was like any other day, and Adrien was finally starting to get into the routine. He greeted various classmates as he passed them on the way to the locker room. Marinette was standing by her locker with her back to him, and he ran his fingers down the soft yarn of his new scarf with a smile.

“Hey,” he called as he approached. Nino got onto him about sneaking up on people, so he’d been making more of an effort to announce himself.

Marinette turned to him, with a cheery smile, though her eyes widened like she was still startled to see him. Drat. He’d have to work harder.

“Hi, Adri-you! You-drien! Ad-you. Hey, hi. What’s down? I mean, what’s going up?” She slapped a palm to her forehead with a sigh.

“Uh…” Adrien tilted his head to the side. Maybe shouting wasn’t the best way to announce himself. He’d clearly made her flustered. “I just wanted to come thank you for my new scarf and wish you luck in the tournament.”

“Oh! Yeah, right. The scarf. You’re so welcome. I mean, it wasn’t any trouble at all.” She giggled. “Does this mean you like it?”

“I love it!” He placed a hand on her shoulder. “No one’s ever made me a gift like this before. I’m just really glad we put our differences aside, and I hope we can become good friends from now on.”

“Me too!” Marinette squeaked.

The bell rang, and Adrien gestured for Marinette to walk with him to class. She offered him a stiff smile and fell into step beside him. Silence stretched between them as they crossed the courtyard, but rather than the hostility Adrien had grown accustomed to with Marinette, this felt more… awkward. Like neither of them knew what to say after being enemies for the first three weeks of knowing each other. Adrien tried not to let it get to him as they made it to class. After all, his friendship with Nino had started off slow too. They’d get there eventually.

Mlle. Bustier’s class was interesting, although literature wasn’t his favorite subject. Adrien surprised himself with how much he enjoyed school, even outside of getting to make new friends. All of the material came quickly to him, and he was consistently one of the highest grades in the class after Max — a fact he used as evidence when proving to his father that letting him go to public school was a good idea.

Midway through a lecture about Shakespeare, Adrien’s phone buzzed in his pocket. With a quick glance up at his teacher to ensure he wouldn’t get caught, Adrien spared a glance at the text.

I’ve akumatized a disgruntled office worker uptown. Stay put and keep an eye on the girl with the blog.

Adrien tucked his phone away with a sigh. At least his father sent a warning text this time, but there was no way he could sneak out of school and make it uptown in time to see Ladybug. Oh well. If Alya managed to learn her identity, Adrien could just ask her out in person.

Everyone’s phones buzzed with an akuma alert — a new emergency broadcast the police had come up with after the Stoneheart incident. Mlle. Bustier instructed everyone to remain calm as the threat was nowhere near the school.

“Mlle. Bustier!” Marinette’s hand shot up. “Can I use the restroom?”

“Yes, but hurry back.” Mlle. Bustier gave a permitting nod, and Marinette darted for the door.

Adrien leaned against his fist as Mlle. Bustier resumed her lesson, the rest of which was uneventful. The akuma threat stayed across town, never giving the school a reason to lockdown, and much to Adrien’s dismay, he never saw Ladybug.

When the bell rang to signal the end of the period, Mlle. Bustier quirked a brow at Marinette’s abandoned backpack.

“Alya, can you make sure Marinette gets her bag back?” she asked.

Alya’s eyes furrowed as she gathered her friend’s belongings and slung the pink bag over her other shoulder.

Adrien tailed her up the hall, keeping enough distance to not seem suspicious. She was watching news footage on her phone as she crossed the courtyard toward the locker room, but she made no moves to sneak out to get in on the action.

The day wore on, but Alya stayed put, shifting from class to class with Marinette’s abandoned bag in tow. Where had she gone anyway? Was her bathroom trip really that much of an emergency? Adrien shrugged it off, seeing as Marinette wasn’t his target, and he really didn’t want to know what she was up to in the bathroom.

After their final class, Adrien followed Alya back to the locker room with a sigh. Nothing exciting happened after all, and he missed seeing Ladybug too! Maybe the whole Ladyblog thing was a bust.

Alya stopped short, ducking behind a row of lockers, so Adrien did the same a few rows down. She peeked around the side to the next row, but Adrien was too far away to see what she was spying on. Or who she was spying on. After a few minutes, she paced swiftly back up the room toward the door, and Adrien fumbled to act natural, though Alya paid him no mind. He waited a few seconds, then followed.

By the time Adrien made it out of the locker room, Alya had already sprinted across the courtyard and up the stairs to the exit. Adrien jogged after her, making it out in time to see her dragging Nino down the steps to the banks of the Seine. His eyes narrowed, but he pursued them quietly.

“You absolutely cannot tell anyone what I’m about to tell you!” Alya was saying when Adrien paused on the stairs above their bench to listen.

“What are you talking about? I have to go pick up my little brother,” Nino said, sounding annoyed.

“My sisters go to the same preschool as your brother, they’ll be fine.” Adrien could picture Alya’s eye roll. “What I’m about to tell you is the biggest scoop.”

Nino sighed. “Fine, but make it quick.”

“I know who Ladybug is!”

What?

“Whoa, no cap?” Nino gasped, a phrase Adrien still couldn’t decipher. “Who is it?”

Alya got quiet for a few moments, and Adrien strained to listen.

“Pfft, yeah right!” Nino’s laughter echoed up the canal. “You really think Chloe Bourgeois has an altruistic bone in her body?”

“Shh!” Alya hissed. “Look, I saw her stuffing Ladybug stuff into her schoolbag in the locker room. What better cover for a superhero than pretending to be a spoiled brat? No one would suspect her!”

“Yeah, because she’s not pretending. Seriously, there’s no way Chloe is Ladybug,” Nino said.

“You don’t know! I’ll prove it!” Alya shot back.

Adrien rolled his eyes and crept back up the stairs. Some journalist she was. First of all, Ladybug was a radiant goddess, and Chloe was… Chloe. Secondly, Ladybug and Chloe were both at the Eiffel Tower when Stoneheart attacked, so there was no physical way it could be her — a fact Adrien remained grateful for. Alya really was a dead end.

Heading back into the school to prepare for his fencing practice, Adrien clicked the phone icon next to his father’s name. He answered on the second ring.

“I take it since you’re calling that you’ve found something?”

A hello would have been nice, but Adrien was used to his father’s curtness.

“Not exactly. Alya thinks Chloe is Ladybug, but that’s not even possible! I’m sorry she wasn’t more useful, Father.” He lowered his gaze, bracing for the scorning.

“Hmm.” His father hummed. “We may still be able to use this to our advantage.”

“Really? How?” Adrien blinked.

“Ladybug is highly esteemed by this girl. She will be disappointed to learn that her idol isn’t who she thought she would be,” his father said. “She will make excellent prey for my akuma. We just need to be patient.”

“I’m glad I could help?” Adrien smiled, still confused, but happy his father wasn’t angry. “I’ve got fencing now, but will I see you at dinner?”

“I have to be prepared in the instance that Chloe proves disappointing. I need to be ready to capitalize on this girl’s negative emotions,” he said.

“Oh.” His shoulders slumped. “That’s okay. Maybe next time.”

His father hung up, and Adrien tucked his phone back into his bag with a sigh. At least something good was going to come from his efforts. Maybe if they brought his mom back, his father would have meals with him again. It was a nice thought anyway.

The next day, Adrien sat back as Alya crept after Chloe into the locker room, dragging a reluctant Nino with her. An akumatized Alya would likely mean a chance to see Ladybug for him, though Adrien did feel a little guilty for setting Alya up. But only a little. He might have made friends with Marinette, but he hadn’t crossed that bridge with Alya yet.

Speaking of, he hadn’t seen Marinette since she left for the bathroom the previous day. Hopefully she was okay. One thing he hadn’t thought about with public school was how often everyone got sick — a fate he’d managed to escape so far. Maybe he’d get her a get well gift when she got back to school. That was acceptable for friends to do, right?

The bell rang, and Adrien headed to class, though Alya was pointedly missing when Mlle. Bustier shut the door. Chloe strutted in with a smirk, so he could only assume that everything was going exactly according to his father’s plan. Nino’s slumped shoulders seemed to confirm the worst as he slipped onto the bench beside Adrien. With a deep breath, Adrien tuned into the lecture, figuring it wouldn’t be long until Alya interrupted.

A few minutes into class, Marinette crept through the door and into her seat quietly. She seemed to be feeling better when she leaned down to tap Nino’s shoulder.

“Where’s Alya?” she whispered.

“She got suspended.”

“What?” Marinette shot up with a gasp.

Mlle. Bustier stopped her lecture and turned to them with a frown. “Marinette, if you’re going to come in late, at least do so quietly.”

“Sorry.” She waited thirty seconds before tapping Nino again. “What happened?”

“She got caught digging through Chloe’s locker because she thinks Chloe might be Ladybug.” Nino rolled his eyes.

“What?” Marinette gasped again.

Mlle. Bustier turned around again with a steely glare. “Marinette, if you interrupt my lecture again, I’m going to send you to the-”

“Hello, people of Paris! Lady Wifi here bringing you the scoop of a lifetime.” The overhead projector sprang to life on its own, and scarlet eyes glared back at them behind a black mask. Lady Wifi spun the chair next to her around to reveal a cowering M. Damocles. “Why don’t you tell us the real story? Is it true you suspended a girl named Alya earlier for no good reason?”

“I did.” He shrank away from her.

“So, you admit that you were biased?”

“I was.” He frowned.

“I thought so.” A purple beam shot out of Lady Wifi’s phone screen, a pause symbol stopping M. Damocles in his tracks. “I’ve got an even bigger scoop for all of you coming very soon. Stay tuned as I unmask Ladybug!”

The broadcast ended, and Adrien’s classmates huddled together in fear. Even Mlle. Bustier seemed shaken.

“Alya…” Marinette glanced at the empty seat beside her, face sinking.

Adrien shifted his weight, his phone weighing heavy in his pocket. He’d known it was coming, but seeing his classmates tremble in fear still made his stomach twist in knots. As much as he enjoyed seeing Ladybug, he really hoped Lady Wifi succeeded in unmasking her, so they could put an end to this nightmare.

“Stay calm, everyone.” Mlle. Bustier clapped her hands. “Ladybug will get this all sorted out soon. Go home until the all clear texts are sent.”

Adrien hung back from the crowd, retrieving his phone from his pocket.

School was dismissed. How can I help?

He retrieved his books from his locker while he awaited a reply. Halfway up the courtyard, his phone buzzed.

Lady Wifi will be targeting Chloe Bourgeois. Head to the Grand Paris and make sure she succeeds in unmasking Ladybug.

Adrien smiled, tucking his phone back into his pocket. His father didn’t have to tell him twice. He’d happily throw himself in front of Ladybug any day. If all went well, he’d know her identity, and if they played their cards right, she didn’t have to know he and his father were the ones that took her Miraculous. He could totally still ask her out.

The hotel was suspiciously empty when Adrien arrived. There wasn’t even a receptionist at the front desk, which could only mean the akuma was close if everyone was hiding. Adrien took the stairs, but halfway up to Chloe’s floor, he heard commotion coming from the dining room. Cracking the door, he peeked into the room where Ladybug was tussling with Lady Wifi.

Smartphones were scattered around on every table, and Lady Wifi was using them to bounce around the room. Frustrated, Ladybug smashed each one, forcing Lady Wifi to face her one-on-one.

Adrien slipped through the door, pressing himself against the wall to watch their fight, ready to swoop in to comfort Ladybug the moment she lost, but his cover was blown when Lady Wifi sent her flying across the room. She landed at his feet, the shock in her eyes melting into a glare.

“What are you doing here? It’s dangerous, go home!” she growled.

Adrien helped her to her feet. “I thought I could help. What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to get out of here!” Ladybug spun her yoyo in front of them, deflecting a shot from Lady Wifi. Pushing him behind the bar, she tossed the cash register at Lady Wifi.

“But I’ve helped in the past! We make a pretty good team, don’t you think?” Adrien flexed.

“Look, I’m really sorry, but without superpowers, you’re too much of a liability. I’m not looking for a sidekick, so please, get out of he-”

Lady Wifi charged in, catching Ladybug in her brief moment of distraction. The two exchanged kicks and jabs, but Lady Wifi drove Ladybug back, launching her into the kitchen and locking the door. When Lady Wifi disappeared in a flash of light, Adrien raced for the door, but it wasn’t budging. Remembering when he and Chloe would play in the hotel halls as kids, Adrien recalled there was a dumbwaiter they used to ride down to the kitchen to sneak desserts and darted for the stairs. It was a much tighter squeeze than he remembered, but the dumbwaiter held out as he descended into darkness.

“-why won’t it come off?” Lady Wifi growled as Adrien drew closer.

“Uh, because it’s magic,” Ladybug said.

Adrien’s lift buzzed loudly when he landed, drawing attention to him as he toppled out. The alarm was new, and probably a direct result of his childhood escapades.

“Oh, look. Your little boyfriend came to rescue you,” Lady Wifi cooed.

“He’s not my boyfriend!”

Ouch. Technically true, but ouch.

“Ya know, for a girl that loves superheroes, you sure had no qualms joining the enemy to fight against her. I think you’re a fake fan.” Adrien crossed his arms over his chest.

“You- What?” Lady Wifi faltered, clutching her head.

Ladybug used the opportunity to kick the phone from her grasp. It slid across the room, freeing her arms from their locks. Lady Wifi scrambled after her phone with a growl, flicking her scarlet gaze between Adrien and Ladybug.

Adrien braced as she charged for him, attempting to dodge her fist, but her foot collided with his stomach, knocking him winded onto the cold floor of the freezer. He rolled over with a wheeze as the door slammed shut and crawled to his feet.

“Why don’t you prove to all of us that you’re the real deal, Ladybug? Let’s see you save your little boyfriend, hero,” Lady Wifi said.

Adrien tried the handle, but the door wouldn’t budge. Cold pricked his skin, trailing goosebumps up his arms. He huddled down into the warmth of Marinette’s scarf, rubbing his arms. He’d never appreciated his new friends more.

“Adrien?” Ladybug beat on the door. “I’m going to get you out of there.”

“Yeah, n-no p-problem. I’ll just chill in here.” Literally.

“Lucky Charm!”

Wait, she was really going to waste her lucky charm on him? That had to mean she was into him, right? She was worried about him getting hurt earlier… The thought warmed him up quick.

“You’re all about to get the scoop of a lifetime!” Adrien’s phone sprang to life in his pocket, Lady Wifi’s broadcast taking over every screen in Paris. The image shifted to the scene of Ladybug scrambling around the kitchen with a red and black spotted box. “We all look up to her, but can we really trust her if we don’t know who she is? In just a few short minutes, she’ll transform back, and all of Paris will know what she’s been hiding!”

Pots and pans clanked on the other side of the door as Ladybug shoved things out of the way. She heaved the microwave onto a cart and placed her lucky charm inside. Plugging it into the outlet outside the freezer, she shoved the cart against the door and turned the microwave on.

Of course! The microwaves would jam the signal to the lock on the door. His lady was so smart, but why was she using it to free him when she could use it to escape the kitchen and take down Lady Wifi? Saving him was a waste of time! Not that he should complain. If she lost, it was a win for them, and his heart skipped knowing she desperately wanted to save him. All in all, his plan to ask her out when all was said and done looked really promising.

The microwave blew on the other side of the door, and Adrien pocketed his phone before she ripped open the door and pulled him out. He collapsed into her arms, nuzzling into her warmth. It was dramatic, but after being locked in a freezer for two whole minutes, he deserved to be snuggled by a beautiful superheroine.

“Are you okay?” Ladybug held him close, rubbing his arms.

Adrien would have savored it more, but the scent of burnt plastic and smoke from the busted microwave in the corner was ruining their moment. Her red and black spotted box lay abandoned on the floor, having fallen out of the microwave when it exploded.

“You used your lucky charm to save me. Why?” Adrien frowned.

“Well, I can’t have my favorite little sidekick freezing to death.” She brushed his nose with the tip of her finger and smiled. ]

His cheeks burned hot, pushing out any traces of cold left in his body. That was a statement he’d be dissecting for hours later.

“Thank you. You really are a hero,” Adrien said.

Ladybug stood up, helping him to his feet, and surveyed the room. The doors were still locked by Lady Wifi’s magic, and with the microwave busted, they weren’t getting out that way any time soon. She touched a hand to her earrings when they beeped and pursed her lips.

“After I defeat Lady Wifi, the doors should open.” She retrieved her lucky charm and crawled into the dumbwaiter. “Please, stay out of trouble. I really mean it this time.”

“I’ll do my best,” Adrien said. He pressed the button on the dumbwaiter and sent her up, rubbing his palms on his jeans.

The camera icon in the corner disappeared, and Adrien retrieved his phone from the freezer, a live feed broadcasting their battle on the roof. Lady Wifi was likely planning to stall Ladybug until her timer ran out, so it would behoove him to stay put until she won. As far as his father was concerned, getting her to waste her lucky charm saving him to start her timer was a valiant effort toward their cause, even if it wasn’t his original intention. But Ladybug chose to save him even though it set her back. The least he could do was return the favor. Comatose mother in need of magical earrings or not, Adrien owed her.

Adrien zoomed in on the wifi box on the roof and pursed his lips. Helping Ladybug was risky, especially being openly broadcast to everyone in Paris — including his villainous father who was counting on him to make sure she lost. He’d think of an excuse later. Right now, his future wife needed him.

Adrien crawled back into the dumbwaiter, lifting out the same way he’d come in. The pool deck had been abruptly abandoned when the akuma broke out as all of Paris moved indoors to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. Only a crazy person would willingly throw themselves in the middle of a battle between two girls with superpowers, but Adrien had always read that love made people do crazy things. So, as Lady Wifi’s camera followed their action on the other side of the pool, he grabbed an abandoned drink from a table and climbed up to pour it on the wifi box.

With the signal around the hotel jammed, Lady Wifi’s powers evaporated, and Ladybug kicked the phone from her hands, smashing it with her yoyo to reveal a black butterfly.

Adrien climbed down as she captured the akuma, slipping into the stairwell while her back was turned. He retreated down to the restaurant, blowing a sigh through his lips. Hopefully his father didn’t see him actively betraying their mission by helping Ladybug. Something told him his father wouldn’t understand Adrien’s life-for-a-life philosophy.

Ladybug’s magical ladybugs swarmed the dining room, fixing all of the damage. They even swirled around Adrien, removing the ache from his ribs where Lady Wifi kicked him — a strange sensation Adrien couldn’t even begin to describe. The lady of the hour emerged from the stairwell, stopping short when she saw him. Relief flooded her expression, bringing back the warmth to Adrien’s cheeks. Why did she have to be so gorgeous and concerned for him?

“I see you figured everything out in the end,” Adrien said.

Ladybug approached him, crossing her arms over her chest. “I know it was you that fried the wifi signal. I couldn’t have defeated her without your help.”

“Well, to be fair, it was my fault you used up your lucky charm.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And I was really touched when you chose to save me instead of chasing after Lady Wifi.”

“I wouldn’t have to save you so much if you weren’t always throwing yourself into dangerous situations, ya know.” Ladybug chided. Her earrings beeped again, and she glanced around frantically. “I’m about to change back.”

“Here.” Adrien pulled open the janitorial closet.

She rushed in without a second thought, trusting him so easily. Pink light flashed through the cracks, and Adrien’s hand hesitated on the handle. He could open the door and figure out her identity. He could bring it home to his father like a trophy. They’d be one step closer to waking his mother up. But as his fingers slipped from the handle, legs carrying him down the stairs and out to the sidewalk, he couldn’t bring himself to regret the decision.

Ladybug trusted him, and even though he’d have to betray her eventually, he wanted to enjoy the double agent gig for a little while longer. Why did she have to look so beautiful in the dim restaurant lighting? His enemy being the most gorgeous woman in the world was the real crime. The way her mask furrowed over her blue eyes when she was worried about him was to die for. And something told him death wasn’t off the table as he headed home to his father.

Dinner was ready when he arrived home, and to his surprise, his father was already seated in the dining room. He instinctively straightened, taking his normal seat at the opposite end of the table. Was his father dining with him because he did something right or because he knew Adrien helped Ladybug escape again? The silence was deafening.

“So…” Adrien cleared his throat. “We were really close this time.”

“Yes.” His father nodded. “Great work. Baiting out her lucky charm was an excellent idea. I’m proud of the lengths you went to on this mission.”

“Oh.” Adrien perked up. “Yeah, totally. That was my plan all along.”

“I know I was hard on you, but getting your mother back is important to me. I want our family to be whole again. I’m sure you understand,” his father said.

Adrien straightened. “I do, Father. I’ll keep working hard to help you in any way that I can.”

“Thank you, Adrien. I can’t do this without you.”

Adrien bit back a smile, taking a sip of his tea as their staff brought out the first course. Everything worked out in the end. His father didn’t know he helped Ladybug win or that he gave up a chance to learn her identity. Ladybug thought of him as a trusted ally, which meant he would definitely be seeing her more in the future. If Adrien played his cards right, he could get everything he wanted. His mom, the girl of his dreams, his father’s regard…

Adrien’s heart skipped. For the first time since they started, Adrien felt like everything was going to be okay. His skin still crawled at the thought of hurting people, but if they got their wish, they’d set everything right in the end. Until then, he’d keep working hard to help his father. After all, it was the first time he’d ever told Adrien he was proud of him.

[elizabethplaid]

Tired after a long day - April 23, 2024

Woke to morning greetings around 7ish, then fell back asleep before 9. Had specifically set my alarm to 10:30. Snoozed a few times but did wake. But then, I was having anxiety shakes - specifically, the kind that are like my muscles seizing involuntarily, like doing stomach crunches. Did my best to breathe and talk myself through it. Sometime after noon, I was able to get out of bed. (Moscow helped a bit, too. I fought harder against the shaking, so I wouldn't squish her.)

Lots lots lots of talking myself through each step. I got through it all okay, but it felt so rough. More play-by-play commentary below the cut.

Took meds at home; got food at the gas station; was right on-time. Breakfast-lunch was decent, though not ideal: cinnamon bun-twist and a blueberry scone, plus a bottle of Dunkin iced coffee and my usual soda.

Put on this video of ADHD music (uses isochronic tones) as soon as I started up my computer. It's a strong but soothing rhythm, without being too harsh. Very good for regulating myself, setting a steady pace.

I had Since (my bear) and my Woolrich sweater with me, so I spent a lot of the day just hugging her and trying to resist doing stomach crunches. (It's very rare that I do those while not in bed, if I get them at all.)

The fluorescent lights were harsh on my eyes. After I was able to calm down, maybe after 2 hours-ish, I was okay to have my eyes open.

Managed some limited small-talk with some folks. LL-J is always easier to talk to, though she gave me space to calm myself. Nearly tripped on my laptop's power cord, as I got up to shelve some books, oops.

LL-J went home not long after 4, and I said I'd be good til closing (6pm). Well, I made it to just before 5pm, and my body said it wanted me to go home, like I said earlier. (I don't like being in the bathroom for a long time if there's no one else in the library/building.)

Got home and got settled. Had to lay down after, because I felt so unnerved and tired from earlier in the day. Texted a couple friends to tell them what happened. Said I was getting my "socialization quota" (paraphrased) by checking in with them, which is true.

I kinda wanted to "brag" about how well I weathered the anxiety, though I wasn't ready to post to tumblr yet. I'll be bragging again tomorrow in counseling. I scheduled -that- for a phone appointment even before I left the house! Woo! LL-J joked about giving me a gold star sticker for my accomplishments, but I really did feel good about weathering it all today. It's still tough to appreciate it when you're -right- in the middle of things, though.

So yeah, laid in bed for a couple hours, mostly reading alien romance novels. Finished one and started another (the 3rd and 4th in the series). I love how each book focuses on a different couple that is aboard this space ship. So they all know one another and interact with each other. The ML of the 4th book was a close friend of the FLs in the 2nd and 3rd books (sisters), and now we get to see him shine. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, that they're interconnected but not completely blood-related.

[I don't know if there's an over-arching title for the series, but it's by Nancey Cummings, on the Readict app. The titles are Paax (1), Kalen (2), Mylomon (3), and Vox (4). I think #5 goes back to Paax, and then there's 5 other dudes' stories. They're usually about 20-25 chapters. The stories are set in war, with the continuous themes of medical experiments, eugenics, and human-alien... *ahem* "relations". Vox is my fav so far, because he's an otaku for human culture and very friendly.]

[pickedbyblue]

february 8th 2025 —

today was slightly better due to the fact that it's the end of week. this week has been draining for me and my cousins, i haven't been as faithful as i wanted to. so i'm really glad that we get to reset this whole week, after sunday, everything will be better.

my mother ordered some new things to go on holiday, she brought a juicer so i can't wait to make juice recipes with them. she also brought a coffee cup, but i can't take it to school with me, sad.

today, me and my cousins and pasta (☆) all did our daily roblox session. it was sorbet and pasta yapping a lot about and i kept lagging out so much so i played another game. then pasta's best friend called so we trolled him for 2 hours or so, it was really fun and entertaining!

then i read some recent manga, since i haven't touched it them since last year. there was some disturbing news said today, one of my friends who's friends with a guy that i had a "serious talking stage" with texted me telling me "he's active" i just said "thanks" because what else was i supposed to say to that? i'm over him but i do have slight what ifs about him, but if he truly loved me, and if he truly was "the one" – he would have contacted me.

NOW, I definitely have to spill the lore. basically, last year during january till april, there's this guy that i was "talking" to. because of my religion, i can't have labels so we were exclusive towards each other and everyone in our close circle knew that. so we were basically "together" but we had great chemistry, he wasn't a red flag. he's the type to joke around with you but with boundaries, he can also do deep convos and he never talked to any girls; he barely answered my own cousin, angel cake because she was a girl. he always paid attention to me, he ubered me food and he knew all the little things there is to me. he truly was the definition of right person, wrong time. no one tried to come for us because we were the youngest in our little group, we'd call privately and talk and we would also get teased by our friends but we didn't mind. then, he ghosted. he didn't send a message at the end of april and for two weeks, i texted him without a response and talked about him. then, my cousin asked me, "why do you wait for him like a dog?" and i wondered, why? i knew the answer, i adored him that's why i waited. i'd do anything for him.

not anymore though, it took a while to get over pomeranian. but eventually, when my friend who's really close to him texted him (we were all calling and he asked me about him so i told him so he screenshared the texts) this is what he said – "she's a nice girl, but i hope she moves on. i didn't know what to respond to her paragraph with, she wouldn't wait for me anymore. i hope she finds the one." and i almost teared up. for a whole month, i cursed and insulted him for what he did to me, when in reality, family circumstances took him away but he wished good upon me so i moved on indefinitely.

therefore, if he truly was "the one" he would've texted me back, email, zoom, tumblr, telegram, text message, insta, tiktok, snap. he had it all, but he didn't send one thing. but, i do fear that if he comes back, i will fall back in adoration and turn into the hopeless dog.

but when i am reminded of my future husband, the one that will truly do anything to contact me in a moment of despair, who will raise my kids with me, who will provide me with open arms when i am sad, who will cradle me with gentle hands and love me till i am bones. i am reassured that i won't fall for him.

moral of the story, my future husband overrides everyone.

(☆) my two cousins are anonymously called angel cake and sorbet, my other friend but i regard him as a cousin is anonymously called pasta.

[mochinon-yah]

MY LIVE COMMENTARY REBLOG HEHE

(S P O I L E R !!!)

I'm playing the game while eating a cup noodles hehehe

The main theme song here is ven's work, righhtt??? IT SOUNDS SO CALMING AND GOOD ASSRHDJDJ but like kinda ominous, it's like the calm before the storm (btw ven, can u share the song and like make it loop for 1 hour straight-)

ANYWAY U DID SUCH A GOOD JOB @naraven MAKING THIS THEME SONG, IT SOUNDS GOOD!!! AND I LOP ITTT

Okay, so now, with my 18% laptop and my somewhat sleep deprived self and also my cup noodles, we are gonna play this game smoothly (hopefully) 🤩

THAT'S ME GUYS, I'VE BEEN POSTING THAT HASHTAG SO MANY TIMES- /SMACKED

Okay, noted, April 20 2024, 'i' go missing.

EH THE VIDEO????? THE INTRODUCTION VIDEO??? WHAT THE WHATTTTTT???? I DID NOT EXPECT THIS LMAO

"Can you find yourself?"

Aight bet-

WAHHH I ACTUALLY DIDN'T WATCH THE VIDEO ON THE TUMBLR POST SO THIS SURPRISED ME SO MUCH SGSNSHJSKSK SO GOOD BRYNN WAHHH IT'S SO AMAZINGGFF

AND YEAHHH "what happens in penacony city, stays in penacony city" ☝️

Daym, myself, ur so sad 🥲

Penacong isn't really the place where dreams come true but whatever floats your boat ig

OMGGG THE NAME SECTION FINALLY

Mochiiii :D

WHAT THE??????

U SCARED ME FOR A SEC, I WAS LIKE "WDYM PLS DON'T LIE???? 😭😭😭" so this is revenge huh- /jjjjj

Wait, i have an 'ex'????

ALSO BRYNN I'M SORRY 😭😭😭😭 I'LL MAKE IT UP I SWEAR- oh what's that? A dimitri fanart, you say? Ohhh, okay okay, i'll draw one for you-

Yes, i will make one specially for you TRUST ME ON THIS ONE, but i need to finish ven's request first hehe- SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE VEN, I GOT BUSY 😭😭

Context:

Hehe.... OF COURSE IT IS WORTH IT, I'M MISSING YK 🥲

ARE U SAYING YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE FOUND????

Context:

OH SHOOT MY LAPTOP BATTERY IS LOW- imma get the charger first okay-

Okay i got it, anyway, moving onwards to the storyyy

Awhhh, my name is quite unforgettable??? Thanks for saying that kakavasha 😽

OH??? SPECKLED???? AND DIMITRI??????

Yeah ur so right bestie, i am sleep deprived, i am playing this game at 1 am-

Uhhh wdym he's red

HAHAHAHAHAHA OKAY OKAY "i'm always hot" sure let me get a lighter and burn you-

LMAOOOO MC'S REACTION

Ehhh??? There's a notif 'kakavasha liked that' that's so cutee bdbdhdjsjwkw

Oh wow finally, ratio *claps* now let me at him, i'm gonna diss him-

Okay nvm- oh wait- HAHAHAHAH YEA, MC GO DISS HIM MORE 🔥🔥🔥

Omg.... ratio calm down bae, kakavasha isn't even attacking you 😭😭 oh wait, we don't know he's a gambler????

EH THAT'S SO CUTE, WE'RE NUMBYYGGG

Ayo? No slander to my jelena >:o

Hahahah, sure, we can whisper to each other until they stop dissing jelena-

HAHAHAHAHHAHA GALLAGHER???? YOU THINK U CAN TOP JING YUAN IN A BEAUTY PAGENT???? LMAOO

Okay this is cute, i won't diss ratio ☝️

OH YAY MC'S FAV SINGER IS ALSO ROBIN YEYEHEHD IKR SHE'S JUST SO UGHDNND- WAIT IS THIS A REAL SONG OR DID BRYNN JIST MADE IT UP?????

OH HAHAHHAHAHAHA BRYNN OH STOP IT YOU (context: mochi said "But it's as much as I love to tease Brynn about taking my whiskey neat, and my coffee black and my bed at three- but whatever.")

NO WAIT NOOOOO I CAN'T PUT ANYMORE IMAGES........ oh this hurts </3

Okay, i'll put the context on text now ig hufftttt

OH I'M GONNA DM SOME CAESAR CIPHERS TO KAKAVASHA LMAOOO (is the prank i pulled on you traumatized you-) he said "please don't" i'm sorry bae, do i traumatize people by giving em ciphers??? 😭😭

Okay wow, yes, i can see that, no need to bold it, put it on red color, and the main of the screen- (context: Senator Sunday) /jjjjjjj

Yes, we're all sunday haters (i don't rlly hate him tho but honestly as mc, yes i would hate him!!!)🔥🔥🔥

Did gallagher just barked-

OH HE DID, AND WHAT IS THIS REALLY COOL SOUNDTRACK????? AYO????

Um, pls no sunday angst- 😭😭😭

NOT THE NOTIF SAYING "ARE YOU SURE?" AFTER I PICKED THE TALK TO SUNDAY OPTION- WHAT IS THIS ALHAITHAM DEJA VU I'M FEELING RN- Okay, sorry guys, i'm just trying to make things be more peaceful by talking to sunday alone, is it that hard for you to understand 😭😭

Eh? I need to leave the cafe?? :(((

Oh gosh, sunday.... let me pat pat u here 😭😭😭 why are u such a sad puppy here

Oh? OH? PENTHOUSE-

WAIT HUH???????????? WHO WROTE THAT??? YO, WHO WROTE THAT KIND OF FANFIC HAHAHAHAHA- PLSSSS I WANNA PUT A PIC UGHHHHHFDBND

Oh gosh, it's tempting to say yes oh no uhhhh but since this is my first run (basically choosing what i like) imma say no >:D

Oh.... sunday, oh..... this made me feel bad :((( oh i'm sorry uhhmmm uhhh 🥹 sorry?

Anyway, homeless route is on the go- probably- actually no, it's missing route now

UH IDK???? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID IN THOSE TIME- oh.... there's no news about me going missing? Well, aside from that little news on tv after robin's but yea-

Well, robin, i don't think that sad puppy birb would hurt me too, but we don't know yk

I'M SORRY I'M GOING MISSING, ROBIN 😭😭😭 ILY ROBINNNN, UR MY FAV HYV SINGER UWAAHHH HDNDJDKKDKS CAN'T BELIEVE MY FAV SINGER IS LIKE SEARCHING FOR ME

OMGGG WE CAN MAKE SUNDAY A ROUTE???? BRYNN, WHAT- I MEAN- okay 🫡

Lmao not me being scared of my own name showing up when brynn is talking-

EH??? WHAT TRADE- Speckled??? Brynn???? What happened, besties 😭

OKAY THIS HAS BEEN A WILD RIDE, I LOVE ITTT!!!!! If i could take a pic for every scene and comment on em, then i would- trust me hehe!! Sorry if this got a bit too long and sorry if i ever comment something weird, but uh yeah! I enjoy the game so much, brynn! <3

A special muach muach for you <333

🍵 𝒲𝐻𝒪𝒟ℛ𝒜𝒩𝒦𝐼𝒯? ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚: A Yandere!H:SR x Reader Otome Game

✧ romanceable characters (© hoyoverse): Professor Veritas Ratio, "Your friend" Kakavasha, and "Gallagher" [for now]

✧ content warning: yandere themes, mentions of racial/species discrimination (your character is SEA/Filipino-coded), (y/n) uses they/them, the story takes place in a modern hybrid alternate universe where each planet (Belobog, Penacony, etc) is considered a country.

PLAY THE DEMO HERE (available for download on PC & Mac AND online play for any devices, though download is preferable to avoid pixellated graphics & misaligned textboxes)

You (name changeable) are a hardworking and full-pledged human cafe owner in Penacony City. Your Dreamjolt Cafe has been a go-to for residents and tourists alike. But your loved ones' lives took a sharp turn for the worst when you decided to take a much-needed vacation back to your homeland, Perlas. While your family eagerly awaited your arrival, you disappeared en route. Where did you go? How did this happen? Who did this? Was it...

☕ the prickly yet fascinating Prof. Veritas Ratio, your self-proclaimed avian-hybrid regular,

☕Kakavasha, your longest fellow human friend who always seems to have a secret or two;

☕ or Gallagher, your hound-hybrid roommate whose past is as peculiar as his loyalty?

☕ or are there two more you're forgetting?

... so...

𝒲𝐻𝒪 𝒹𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝒾𝓉?

Please support this game by reblogging the post & sending asks/comments! I put a lot of time and effort writing, drawing, and learning for to code for this. Thank you so much, my beloved yandere!H:SR community and of course, @dreamjolt-hostelry, for being supportive friends!!! - @beloved-brynn

✧ Characters, Background Art and UI Credits

Hoyoverse assets sourced from the-astral-express-archive. I just tweaked em a bit!

Canva freestock images... Haha...

✧ Intro video, sprites & CG art Credits

Me!!! Hi <3 I hope you enjoyed them! I can't believe yall made me learn adobe after effects a bit for this-

✧ Music Credits

The main menu theme (the first song upon booting the game) is made by @naraven!

The rest of the royalty free music soundtrack (such as the music used for the video above) is sourced from Vodovoz Music Productions!!! Please show the creator some love!!! I was actually vibing so hard while listening to them lmao

✧ (Fan)Story

lol hi again!!! man. i feel like Argenti.

If you wish to support my work and want to see more of this in the future, please buy me a coffee! So I can at least prove to my parents that my work is at least worth one dollar ;;;;

[karasa]

Hi Rachel, can you hear me?

Originally published March 27th, 2021

Rachel, it’s been a year since I heard your voice. As I was sniffling and sneezing, horrifying customers with my allergies as the coronavirus became more and more real.

“It’s going to be fine, did you have some lasagna?” You looked at me. You were smiling. Everytime we talked, you were smiling. When you were telling me about how your son’s father was going to stop by, about the crazy neighbors you had, the plans you set to reinvigorate our cafe, for every trouble you shared with me and every bright moment we had together, you always smiled.

I keep trying to make a lasagna that’s as good as yours. I think of you with every bagel sandwich I order, every coffee I make at home. I think of your smile when I take a sip of my latte, I think of how your eyes lit up when I’d shuffle to the back for a new drink to try.

“Don’t be so down on yourself, it’s good!”

Rachel, I miss you so much. My life would be different if you were still here. I’d still have my friends, my job, I’d have more confidence that came from how proud you were every time I told you about something I’ve done.

Rachel, it’s so unfair. So many people have passed but I never knew it could happen to you. You are a life force that transcends what life means. You were the foundation of everything I wanted to be. Strong, self-assured, brave, proud. You were everything a perfect chef wants to be. Organized, headstrong, creative, spontaneous. You were everything a perfect mother could be. Open, thoughtful, compassionate, loud. You were everything that a COVID victim wasn’t supposed to be: healthy, careful.

When I got the call in April, I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t. For so long you’ve been a little voice that lives in my head, every chance I had to falter I’d imagine you in the kitchen, giving me advice as you always would when service slowed down and we’d get a chance to talk.

“Mija I don’t get it, if you wanna do it, do it. Who’s stopping you but yourself?”

“Listen, I know you’re not stupid so I can trust you not to do that, because that’s stupid”

Rachel, you still inspire me. The grief that pounded on my chest for 3 months straight pushed me into therapy. I learned how to cope. How to be kind. My therapist would sit with me as I panicked and cried, as I gasped for air she would coach me on how to find myself again. But I still heard your voice. “Dude, seriously? It’s not your fault.”

Rachel, I don’t want to believe that you’re gone. I want to get a text tomorrow from you that says “I can’t believe you wrote about me, weirdo! thank u.”

What hurts me the most is knowing that I rarely said this to your face. I think you knew how I felt, you were my kitchen mom. You were THE shoulder to cry on, you were THE person who would hang our accomplishments on the fridge. The person who knew how to make everyone smile. The person who loved through food.

Our last words to each other were “I love you. I’m going to miss you.”

I remember the hug you gave me after I told you I was leaving for spring break. That the soonest we’d see each other would be the end of March.

Rachel, I wish I could’ve taken you that day. I would’ve hid you from the world, protected you from the transmission of the virus that killed you. I would’ve done things better.

“He’s a keeper, you know. I really liked him.” You said, after my boyfriend came to visit the summer before. Maybe it was you that cancelled my flights and pushed us to move in together. Maybe it’s you that’s been protecting me and all of our other cafe family members.

Rachel, I know you can hear me.

I don’t know what death means, but I know that the extra boost I feel from making excellent food is your smile radiating. I know that the accomplishments I’ve had feel better, because I feel your hug and I can see the happy dance you’d do when things really went your way.

Rachel, I never knew I’d speak of you in the past tense. Maybe 20 years from now when we’d be distant memories of each other, waxing poetic to our inner circle about how we made a home out of a cafe on Washington street. I never knew that you wouldn’t be around.

Rachel, I love you. I miss you. You are my best friend. I’m an entire time zone away from our first and last meeting place, but you’re in my heart always.

Rachel, I know you can hear me. Thank you for listening.

[khodorkovskaya]

23.08.23

aïe aïe aïe i posted a recap of the altin gun concert but the tumblr app just like didn't post it and now it's gone, great!

but anyway, yeah, if it works this time the video will appear here:

so yeah there were soooo many people. here is a pic my parents took and another one from nik's story:

i managed to squeeze myself through the crowd and get to the first row ofc. and i went through so many emotions... when they played this i cried. and at the end i screamed MARRY ME at merve at the top of my lungs, i hope she heard me lol. she's soooo hot oh my...

the only downside is that i didnt see many real fans at the concert. most people just stood there or worse were talking. meanwhile i jumper up and down and danced like crazy and screamed the lyrics in turkish lol. did i annoy a lot of people? probably. but i wasn't just gonna stand there while my favourite band was playing. the emotions i felt you guys...

my oxford bestie and i wanted to go to sarajevo to see lepa brena live at the zetra arena in april but now im scared because i feel like if i see her live i will just die like i will go into cardiac arrest.

so yeah, so many emotions!

other than that panda and i went to this event yesterday and i didn't network with anyone, i just ate. a lot. the buffet was so good you guys. but i legit couldnt move afterwards. it was too much.

and today i was at the library as always and i saw this girl i knew in college. and it like disturbed me idk.

so a bit of a back story, i bumped into another girl i went to college with on the street the other day. and i remember i really wanted to be friends with her but she like never reciprocated and idk why. we would talk at break time, we texted a bit, we went to germany for an exchange together, she came to my house for a party once. like we got along fine and i really wanted to get to know her bc idk she was just cool. but every time id ask her to hang out she'd just say "yeah yeah" and it never went any further. and then i got a bit frustrated and stopped initiating things and she stopped talking to me all together bc it was always me who'd make the first move.

then she stopped going to school and to be frank with you i hadn't noticed. i thought she just missed a couple of classes because we only had one class together that year and i didn't see her much anyway. but then after graduation i bumped into her on the tram and she said that she had fallen ill and had to drop out. and i felt horrible. because i was selfish thinking that she didn't like me, but she was at the hospital and i hadn't even noticed or sent a "how are you" text. i felt super guilty.

and ever since then idk, id always thought about her as like "the one who got away" in a way, you know what i mean? because i feel like we could've been great friends but she didn't like me as much as i liked her and plus she had fallen ill and things happened and i never got the chance to like become her friend. like i remember every time we'd find ourselves like alone at breaktime or on that trip to germany and we'd have these great conversations, but then things would get in the way and it always felt like we never had enough time. at least on my end. idk.

and ive bumped into her on the street god knows how many times. i haven't seen people i was actually close with in college as much as ive seen her! and every time im like "let's get coffee" and she just goes "uh-huh" and that's it. and then i bump into her again and im like god damn it, i missed my chance again! and this has been going on for literal years. things like this really make me think that im autistic

so i bumped into her again this week!

and today i saw her from across the hall talking to another girl from high school! and this is where it gets weird.

so this other girl who was with her, i remember her quite well! we were always partners in chemistry class and we did a project about nitsche for philosophy class and i think we had french together too, did we? and i remember she had a dog and liked anime. and i remembered all those things about her. and i literally haven't thought about her in yearssss! ...and i couldn't remember her name.

i was like shit. okay. chemistry class. nietzsche. dog. anime. what's her name damn it????? i couldn't remember it.

and it made me feel weird. because in order to try and remember her name i started to like dig up all those memories from college. and the more i thought about it the weirder it got. bc on one hand im like huh 2018 wasn't so long ago was it? but then i remember ahhhh chemistry class ahhhh p.e. ahhh being a teenager. it all seems so surreal. and i don't remember any of it clearly. it's all in this like weird fog.

and it sucks because i feel like since i was permanently in this "foggy" state in high school it like stunted my growth. because i missed out on so many normal teenage experiences that i can't catch up on now. like instead of having a normal relationship, i had umm my 30 yr old ex. instead of going to normal teenage parties i went to germany with a 50 year old drug addict. and i was so in my head... like. i really wasn't present. and while everyone else made lifelong friends i was just. not present.

and like it's not a big deal. at least i had the parties and the drugs and the boyfriend, right? i wasn't a loner, i wasn't bullied, i was fine. but it just like... frustrated me. that like. the "girl who got away" got a girlfriend, while i was hanging out with my 30 yr old. and she's in touch with my other former friend from highschool. meanwhile i was too busy to maintain friendships bc i was hanging out with my 30 yr old. it's all very frustrating bc i can't get that time back. i can't catch up on everything ive missed out on. and now im this friendless loser who can't remember anyone's name.