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bluesidez · 1 day

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Hello!!! Love that you’re taking requests now 🫶🏽 would you write a domestic!miguel fic? Like showing the chaotic but fluffy dysfunction of the O’Hara household. Miguel and the reader already have two kids, maybe reader is pregnant with the third (if you’re comfortable with writing that)

I just really need some fluff in my life lol 😅

[Five Peas In A Pod]

lab taster: @scorpihoooe 🩻

pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Pregnant!Reader

summary: No family's life is exactly perfect, but it doesn't make them any less beautiful.

content warning: lots and lots of fluff, mentions of vomit, mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy cravings, mentions of food, could possibly be suggestive? but not enough to warrant a huge warning, a lot of crying but I promise it's not sad

word count: 4.3k, not proofread

a/n: I apologize for this being so late! But I'm really happy with how it turned out, so I hope you enjoy it as well!

“Finally.”

Miguel slid under the covers, grunting as he inched towards your back. His breath was warm on your head as he positioned one arm under one of your pillows and another around your waist.

“How are we feeling?” he kissed your scalp and rubbed down your stomach.

“Not too great, she’s been kicking for the past forty minutes.”

“That’s no good,” Miguel shifted to place his mouth on your shoulder. “What’s wrong, mija? Did you miss me?”

Your baby girl brought her feet to where Miguel held his hand, tapping away like there was there was no tomorrow. Miguel chuckled and wrote a pattern into your skin with his thumb.

“I’m glad you two are having a lovely reunion, but I’d like to go to sleep.”

Miguel kissed up your shoulder and neck as you sighed.

“Hear that Gabi? Can you calm down until tomorrow? Mama needs to sleep so you can keep growing. We can talk in the morning.”

Like magic, Gabriella’s little feet slowed to a halt.

“She hasn’t even seen you yet and she’s already a daddy’s girl,” you weave your fingers through his over your stomach. “What’s next? She’ll look like you too?”

“Mm,” Miguel placed his lips behind your ear. “I hope she looks like you. She’ll be the most beautiful in the world.”

You smiled, “Yeah?”

“Of course.”

Miguel took his hands down your body and massaged your hip and lower back. You groaned and melted into your pillow, arching your body into Miguel’s hold. With his ministrations and your daughter giving you a break, you start to fade into dreamland.

You could almost visualize your next craving you were going to make tomorrow. A big bowl of mashed potatoes with chunks of pickles, bacon, and caramel drizzle. Maybe some sprinkles too.

The door of the bedroom creaked, Miguel looking over his shoulder.

“Daddy? Mommy? I threw up.”

Miguel’s hands paused and he heaved a heavy sigh.

There was a dip in the bed and a shuffle of slides across the floor.

“Is your stomach still feeling funny, bub?”

You turned your body to watch Miguel bend down and check your second oldest for soiled clothes. Daniel shook his head and tucked his chin into his chest, eyes welling up with tears.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?”

“I’m sorry,” his voice was shaking. “I didn’t mean to.”

You got up on the edge of the bed and walked around to the other side. You sat on your knees next to Miguel and pressed the back of your hand to Daniel’s forehead. He wasn’t burning up, but he was trembling.

“We know you didn’t mean to, honey. Sometimes, we just get sick. It’s ok!”

“Yeah, buddy. Papá gets sick all of the time.”

“Really?” Daniel looked to Miguel with big doe eyes, a baby picture of Miguel brought to life.

“Absolutely.”

“And Mama has to nurse him back to health-”

“Ok! Here,” Miguel tugged at the sleeves of his shirt while you laugh. “Let’s clean you up and get you some medicine. It was probably really scary, huh?”

Daniel nodded his head as Miguel helped him take off his pajama pants.

“C’mon. Let’s take a quick bubble bath. How does that sound? No need to be sad,” you gave Daniel a hug and kissed his cheek.

“I’ll get the sheets and clothes in the washing machine and join you.” Miguel said as he helped you up. So much for cuddles before bed.

Miguel was quick to scope Daniel’s room. Any smell of tonight’s stir fry mixed with the chocolate milk from lunch and your waves of morning sickness might come back. He was quick to transfer the sheets to the washing machine and spray the room down with disinfectant. Luckily, the damage wasn’t drastic, so a quick change of sheets and a mop to the floor was all that was needed.

By the time he got to the bathroom, Daniel was wrapped up in a green dinosaur hoodie towel with a smile on his face as you blew raspberries into his cheek.

Miguel gasped, “Are you two having a party without me?”

Daniel folded his hands under his chin and nodded meekly, face rosy.

“Nonsense!” Miguel swept him up in his arms. “There’s no party without Papá, no?”

The hall filled with giggles as Miguel airplaned Daniel back to his room. The chatter amongst them filled the noise as Miguel reassured Daniel that he and mommy would only be a room away if was feeling sick again.

He ran lotion over his body and placed him in paw print pajamas. He wrapped him tight in the covers and shifted the star night light on the nightstand. With a whisper of goodnight, Miguel inched his way to the door.

However, the crumbling face of the five year old as Miguel looked through the crack tugged at his heart. He opened the door, swept Daniel up, and trudged back to his own bedroom.

Walking into the room, you were laying down with the opposite side of the duvet flipped up and an extra pillow in between yours and his.

Your face was knowing, a shake in your shoulders as you watched Miguel rock a clingy baby in his arms to the bed.

“Joining mommy and daddy, Daniel?”

“Uh huh,” he crawls to the middle and pulls the covers up. You lay a hand on his tummy over the duvet as Miguel slips in with a deep sigh.

He turns and places his hand over yours, the two of you acting as a shield. “I love you’s” and “good nights” are exchanged and a kiss between the two of you is shared before Daniel whines about wanting a kiss too. Both of you laugh and kiss him on his cheeks as he settled into his pillow.

You rub his chest lightly, something that put him to sleep easily as a baby.

His eyes start to close, almost gone to the world, before he jerks back up, startling Miguel whose eyes were just as heavy.

“Papá, can you sing the night-night song?” Daniel pleads.

A soft breath escapes your nose as you watch Miguel blink his eyes open and comply.

“But you have to go to sleep after this, bub.”

Daniel promises to do so as Miguel starts up a lullaby about a baby that wants to sleep but can’t.

It works on you too, the low drum of his voice holding you in his arms as you held your baby in yours.

Gabriella moved, and as softly as you can, you take his hand to your stomach. With this, she taps softly to his palm.

Miguel smiles sleepily as he watches you take a little breath, the rise and fall of your chest showing that you were in a deep sleep.

He only stops singing when he’s sure all three of you are asleep.

“Jaime, I’ve asked you five times to get up already. Get it together.”

There was only one more hour left before everyone needed to be out of the house or else you’d be late to your appointment.

The lump in the bed only moves a bit before it’s still again.

“Jaime, please. I don’t want to have to pull you out of the bed.”

Today was already starting out all over the place. You woke up sweaty and achy, the heat radiating from your furnace of a husband and your snuggly son was too much. Your ankles felt a little more swollen than usual, and you wanted chewy spicy rice cakes with extra cheese, but the heartburn wouldn’t be worth it.

You sighed as your eldest stayed put. A soft pat to the bed only earned a whine and a wiggle from him.

Looking towards the growing footsteps at the door, your husband was frantic and glaring at his watch as if it cursed him.

“What’s the holdup? We need to be in the car soon and Daniel has to be at school early for a field trip.”

You held your hand out to the bed, face defeated.

“Son.”

Jaime shot up with a wobble to his lips and a scrunch to his face at the tone of Miguel’s voice.

You folded your arms, half concerned, half offended.

“I know you hear your mother asking you to get up.”

“But-“

“Jaime O’Hara.”

The tears start to fall as he shuffles out of bed and goes to the bathroom, his cries pitiful and broken.

He swings the door like he’s about to slam it only to close it softly at the end, the sound of his voice carrying through then hallway.

“Was I too hard on him?” Miguel’s shoulders drop.

“No? I don’t think so. But I think there’s something he’s not telling us.”

“Is there something going on at school? Did we miss an important date?”

The two of you stare at each other as Jaime continues to sob in the bathroom.

“There’s no award ceremonies. He hasn’t said anything strange about his classmates. His birthday isn’t until the end of the year. He does have his game coming up.”

Miguel gasps and runs his had through his hair, “He’s been worrying about his 3-pointers nonstop. He’s probably nervous about it.”

He puts his face in his hand and mumbles through his fingers.

“How could I forget?”

You pat his shoulder, “Don’t worry about that right now. What’s important is that we talk to him. Check up on him, calm him down, explain things to him, and encourage him. Right?”

“Absolutely,” Miguel kisses your temple. “You’re so good at this.”

A snicker follows his statement, “And so are you. Now, can you go stop his crying while I make sure Daniel hasn’t made a mess in the kitchen? He’s too quiet.”

Miguel’s eyebrows shot up again as he realized he left the kindergartner to his own devices. The last time he did that, he walked onto a floor covered in flour and dusty, giggly baby.

“Smart idea.”

“Mm hm.”

Miguel turns and heads towards the bathroom, giving it two knocks before asking to come in.

Jaime takes a deep breath and pushes out a yes.

Miguel opens the door to him crying in the mirror while he puts up his toothbrush. If it were anyone else’s child or baby brother, it could have been funny and dramatic, but Miguel sees himself in the way his entire chest jumps when he breathes in.

He hopes Jaime always feels that home is a safe place to cry and yell, something his own parents never offered him.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

He left his frustration with the frantic morning at the doorway and stepped inside. With one hand on the counter and another arm resting on his thigh, he squatted down to Jaime’s level.

His son rubbed his eyes from the inside of his elbow to his arm, “I kept messing up.”

“Messing up what? Your shots?”

Jaime nodded his head, curly hair bouncing along with it.

“At practice, Coach made us do Around-the-worlds and the further from the goal, the more I kept missing. But the game is soon, and I can’t mess up at the game.”

His voice reached its highest point and he bit his lip in order not to cry again.

“Oye, está bien. That’s just practice, mijo. The game isn’t until a few more days. There’s plenty of time for us to get to a court and do some more drills. I know it feels like a lot right now, but we can always work to be better. Understood?”

Jaime nodded his head.

“Can you look at me?”

Jaime pouted as he turned to Miguel.

“I apologize for not giving you the space to explain yourself this morning. I was rushing and I didn’t take the time to check on you. For that, Papá’s sorry. Lo siento, mijo.”

With a calmer demeanor, Jaime forgives him. No whines and no hesitation.

“Still, when you’re feeling like this, you need to communicate, ok? Mamá was there and you could have told her that you were worried. You could have even called for me and I would have come running.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt Mamá.”

Miguel bit the inside of his lip in order to not coo, “I know you didn’t. Would you like to apologize to her like I did to you?”

Jaime collided with Miguel’s chest and wrapped his arms around his neck. He could feel the movement of his head nodding.

“Ok, buddy. Let’s go find her after we get your uniform on.”

Jaime wasn’t budging from his spot so Miguel let him cling off his neck as he got up. One day his eldest might not want to do things like this again, so for now he’ll cherish it.

One blazer, some knaki shorts, and a button down later, Jaime was all ready for school.

“And what do we say when we’re feeling down about ourselves?” Miguel asked as he tucked in the end of Jaime’s belt.

“Nothing can stop me from the path I want to take, not even my doubts.”

“And?”

“O’Hara’s may make mistakes, but O’Hara’s bounce back. O’Hara’s succeed.”

“¡Exactamente!” Miguel patted his back.

“¿Papá?”

“¿Sí, mijo?”

Jaime held his hands up, silently pleading with Miguel.

With an easy tug, his son was in his arms. As tall as he was getting, he was still Miguel’s baby.

In the kitchen, you were leaning over the island as you listened intensely to Daniel talk about types of dinosaurs. You looked up to your son in your husband’s arms and you knew they had a good talk.

Miguel strode up to you and looked at Jaime expectantly.

“I,” he picked at his uniform tie. “I’m sorry for not listening to you this morning Mamá. I was sad but that- that doesn’t mean I was supposed to ignore you.”

Your eyes started to water, “I forgive you, Jaime. I’m glad you were able to figure out what was wrong. Can I give you a kiss?”

“Yes, please.”

With that, you kiss his cheek and place a hand on his head.

“Papá, pick me up too!” Daniel huffs out.

Miguel complies, holding him in his other arm like nothing. You giggle at the three of them, all very similar in some way. Their skin, their hair, their smiles. Your precious, precious boys.

A sharp kick to your stomach causes you to suck in through your teeth.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Miguel asks with a pinch in his brow.

“No, I just think a certain someone wants your attention, too.”

You gently press your stomach to your husband’s, hoping that he could feel Gabriella’s tap dance performance.

“She’s going crazy in there,” you mumble.

Miguel can kind of feel her little feet through his shirt, but really, he was staring at you.

Even as you frowned at your stomach, you were still so beautiful. Your skin was glowing, you were giving him more smiles than ever, and the pregnancy was treating your body right in his eyes.

“Mírame.”

You peer up at him and it’s like a halo appears above your head. He’s quick to slot his lips against yours and hold it, the feeling of warmth settling into his bones.

“Eugh,” Jaime scrunches his face up in disgust.

You pull back and shake your head with a heated face, brought back to reality. Daniel is giggling behind his hands.

Miguel turned to Jaime and bombarded his face with kisses to, leading the 9-year-old to scream bloody murder. You joined Miguel on his attack, not stopping until Jaime waved his white flag.

The two of you looked at each other and then at Daniel simultaneously who squeaked when he saw you grin. Laughter filled the kitchen as the three of you gave Daniel some love.

Mornings were for chaos, but they also brought you together.

By the time Miguel was walking to the car with his kids, it was far past his estimated time.

He turned and looked at you still standing by the kitchen counter.

“Baby, c’mon.”

“But,” you pause, smile growing on your face. “The baby wants to be carried, too.”

You think he’s about to brush the comment off with a sigh but he gives a “One sec” and disappears into the garage with the kids.

You go to gather your purse and your water, checking that all of the lights and appliances are turned off.

“Ok,” Miguel rushes back in and claps his hands, “vamos.”

Three blinks at his wrestler stance and it clicks. You walk to him and your feet leave the ground.

“You’re so silly,”

“Just in love, mi amor.”

The gel was still as cold as ever, you could never really get used to it.

Looking to Miguel, you could see that he could never get used to sitting next to you in these rooms either. His grip on your hand was tight and solid.

The obstetrician slid the transducer on your lower stomach, her eyes sliding over the screen.

Gabriella’s little heartbeat bounced through the room, fast and strong.

Miguel’s grip on your hand loosened as he smiled at the screen.

“Baby girl is looking good,” the doctor says. “Everything is in place and she’s growing perfectly. You both should be proud.”

She paused and looked at you both, specifically at Miguel, “I would be worried about how she big she’s getting at this stage, but I can see why. How tall are you?”

“Uh, 6’9.”

A whistle passes her lips, “Godspeed, Mama. You’ll need it for the next several months.”

“Two boys and my only girl is going to give me a run for my money,” you mumble.

Jaime and Daniel were so tiny when they came out, both of them barely showing at five months. Gabriella is close to being almost twice their size at this rate, and the soreness all over your body was showing it.

At least your husband made time to make you feel good in more ways than one.

“Is there anything that she should look out for? Other than the obvious?” Miguel asks, always the worrier.

“No, I think you guys are good to go. I’ll get you some pictures of the baby and get you checked out. Just keep taking your vitamins, get plenty of water, get those feet up, and stretch as much as you can while you still feel like it. The least stress you have, the better.”

Your stomach is wiped clean and in no time, you’re back in the car trying to decide what to get for lunch.

“I feel like I should have asked more questions,” Miguel’s fingers tapped on the wheel.

“I’m sure you’ll have more that you can call her for later, baby. Right now, I want a milkshake.”

“You need some nourishing food, too.”

“Is that what you want Gabriella?” you ask your stomach. No taps, no spins, no twirls. “What about a milkshake? Chocolate oreo? Extra whip cream?” Gabriella thumps three times.

“My girl is already so smart,” you say to Miguel who scowls.

“Already so spoiled.”

“You love it, though.”

“Mm.”

Miguel swore he would never be like those fathers that only connected to their children through their own expectations of them, and to be fair, he was the complete opposite.

Though seeing him stand at the bottom of the bleachers with a baseball cap, folded arms, and a stern face gave the impression that he was that type of dad.

“¡Ay, eso es faulta!”

“Babe. Maybe let’s let the couch and the referee do their jobs.”

“They don’t know what they’re doing. That was clearly a foul and my son should be holding the ball right now.”

You sighed and continued to chew on your nachos with Daniel who was just happy to be out of the house later than usual. Miguel was about to burn a hole in the gymnasium floor with how stiff he was standing.

Behind him was a family that couldn’t see, leaning around him.

“Miguel, honey, please sit down so everyone can see.”

He sits and folds his hands under his chin. His muscles bulge through his jacket as his legs bounce.

You place a hand on his leg and put a water bottle to his lips. He takes a few sips and focuses back on the game.

“Let’s go, Jaime! Make it count!”

He’s back on his feet again as Jaime gets ready to shoot some free-throws.

Jaime looks at Miguel, a hint of fear in his eyes. Miguel brings his hands up and pushes them down, motioning a deep breath.

“You got this, mijo. Just like we practiced.”

Your son dribbles once, twice, and takes the shot.

The basketball flies through the air and brushes the rim of the basket. It spins and the gym goes quiet. You don’t realize your holding your breath until it comes back when the people behind you stomp on the bleachers.

Jaime looks to Miguel with the brightest face he could muster. Miguel almost springs through the ceiling with how high he jumps.

“That’s my son,” he claps his hands like thunder, chest puffing up. “That’s my son!”

The game continues with Miguel milliseconds from fighting with the official, Jaime looking to Miguel for encouragement, and you smacking the back of his thighs whenever he was standing too much.

When Jaime made the final basket, you were scared Miguel might do a backflip.

Jaime ran to him and jumped in his arms, Miguel spinning him around and laughing with glee.

“I did it, daddy! I did it!”

“¡Eres increíble, mijo! I’m so proud of you.”

“Did you see me, mommy?”

“I did! I couldn’t take my eyes off of you!”

Daniel jumps up and down, “You made the ball go whoosh! And, and, and when it went in everybody screamed!”

Jaime and his brother played together as the gym started to empty out.

“What do you say we celebrate with some pizza?” you ask Miguel as you watch Jaime help Daniel dribble.

“I think that’s an excellent idea.”

“And what do you say to carton of cotton candy ice cream after the kids go to bed? Maybe even a soak in the bath?”

Miguel looked to you as you blinked your eyes at him. You slid your hands down his arm and tilted your head.

“You want vanilla wafers too?”

You nod.

“And strawberry syrup?”

“You’re such a good husband.”

You pull him down to kiss him, heart soaring.

“Mamá! Look what I can do!”

“No, Daniel! Don’t jump off that!”

“If I hear that raccoon sing that song one more time, I’m going to lose it,” Miguel bit into a slice of pizza.

You reached across the table to wipe some ranch off of his lips and lick it away.

“I like the song! He’s a little off-key, though.”

Miguel had a grimace on his face, the energy from the building overwhelming. Or perhaps it was Daniel clinging tight to his side whenever the mascot came close to their table.

A couple of kids ran by, running towards the line for laser tag.

You listened to them go over strategies, all very serious coming from them.

“God, I can’t believe he’ll be 10 soon. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

You poke the straw of your cup in and out, pout on your face. It felt like just yesterday you and Miguel were setting up his nursery.

“I remember him grabbing my finger at the hospital. So strong for someone who couldn’t eat solids yet.”

“Now he’s running around and blooming into this perfect little boy,” you sigh, watching him catapult into a ballpit. You should definitely make him take some vitamins later, just to be sure.

“And this little boy is the sweetest,” Miguel kissed the top of Daniel’s head, who seemed to be pre-occupied with a coloring book you packed.

“And once our little girl is in our arms, it’ll be so special,” you say. “She’s already making an impact.”

“I’m already crazy about her,” Miguel grins.

“And I’m ready for her to come out,” you snicker. “I have a feeling that whatever she’ll do will involve these rapid fire feet.”

“I need to get some new running shoes then,” Miguel replies in all seriousness. Daniel interrupted him with a drawing of a T-rex.

“When she gets here,” Miguel comments in between his praise for Daniel’s skill, “how do you want to celebrate afterwards?”

“I don’t need anything. Just maybe a plate of food I couldn’t eat and a comfy bed.”

“Mamà, c’mon,” Miguel held your hand across the table. “That can be arranged easily. I mean something especially for you for doing something so amazing. It can be anything. I’ll make it happen.”

Your heart sped up, a bit giddy.

“Well the last time we took a trip to an island and,” you panned to Daniel, “we both know how that ended. Maybe the mountains?”

“We can do the mountains. Or just you and your friends if you want.”

Miguel thought about you all bundled up and cozy, enjoying s'mores and wine in a sweater and a blanket. Peak cuddling form.

“That would be very nice. Thank you, Miggy.”

“Of course. Now what do you say to a friendly game of arcade racing?”

“There’s nothing friendly about leaving you in the dust.”

Miguel scoffed and slid Daniel into his arms.

“It’s on.”

As always, if you enjoyed, please like, reblog, and COMMENT! This was very sweet to write!!

#to the lab testers 🩻#love lab fics 🧫#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara x fem!reader #miguel ohara x fem!reader #miguel o’hara #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel o’hara fluff #pregnant reader #miguel o'hara x pregnant reader #miguel o'hara x you #spiderman 2099 x reader #spiderman 2099 x you #atsv x reader #atsv miguel #domestic miguel o'hara #domestic!miguel o'hara

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absolutebl · 16 hours

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This Week in BL - So Many GREAT Kisses!

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

(Please notice I am now using 6 dots in all ellipses because according to Taiwanese BL that's how we queers roll. Who am I to argue?)

Sept 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 2 of 12 - A most excellent glow up. And it’s still a great show. And I cannot wait to see the many different faces of War. Bring on the Leverage of One action-packed mess. I'm waiting.

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 9 of 12 - I’m gonna say this because it drives me crazy. Why are boys in BL, when out and about the countryside, always dressed inappropriately for Thailand? If it’s hot, takeoff your damn jacket. I don’t mean to be crass or crazy or whatever. But don’t wear a jacket when it’s 90° with 90% humidity. In Thailand, jackets are for malls. Meanwhile, I’m an extrovert and that still seemed like an exhausting trip. Although, I suppose they didn’t show all the drive time in the van, when everyone is asleep.

Meanwhile, why are the sides so frustrating in this show? Authentic friends-to-lovers is always a slog. Finally a kiss! And a decent one.

New character? Aw! Hi Yu!!!! Gosh Putter is so cute.

Where were we? Oh yes, Beer is now heartbroken. Always the great fear in F2L that the friendship will be destroyed as a result. And it’s a decent fear.

On a completely different note, I cannot help but wonder when somebody’s chue len is Beer, if that is because beer was involved in their conception. Like, it’s the name you give your "oops baby" from that drunken night at the club. Don’t mind me. I’m just over here in the corner being crass.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 8 of 12 - That was one of the cutest wake up sequences ever depicted. Utterly adorable. And now he’s blind again? Oh my God this is such a soap opera, I can’t even. Meanwhile, wicked ice prince finally made his move. Gah! Why aren’t we getting more of this couple? I always love the sides best with this production house.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I love a hard fraught game of badminton. Even though we actually didn’t see play. YoIng claiming was so cute!!! And their shower kiss was v hot. Yay little show! Also cute use of the punishment trope!

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 3 of 12 - The weight upon the shoulders of our idiot good guy kidnapper continues to pile up. So does the affection. The dude playing Q has sanpaku eyes. Cool. He’s not a particularly good actor though. Rough because everyone around him is giving their very best.

The problem is. I'm noticing. I shouldn't be noticing all the talent trying so hard. That usually means there is something wrong with the story, or there was something wrong on the set.

I don't know what to say at this juncture except I have the sinking suspicion this might not actually be a good show. (Covers head and cowers. Don't hate me.) I'd loved to be proved wrong, but my faith is GMMTV is only about 50% these days. And it probably should be lower.

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 6 of 10 - I was so confused by how we suddenly got on a trip together, that I went back and re-watched the previous installment. And it still isn’t explained. So I have no idea why our leads are on a trip but apparently that’s the next trope to hit. I also have no idea how they're suddenly boyfriends. I’m just generally confused by this episode. It’s like an alt reality. We skipped over all of the stuff where they actually got into a relationship. In general I wasn’t wild about this episode.

The Trainee (Sun YT) ep 12fin - The most realistic thing about this show is that everybody is everybody else’s ex on any given set. I feel that in my bones. Or do I mean boner?

Frankly, both actors look better after a glow up and I guess pretending to be more their actual ages suits them? Considering what was actually done to invoke youth (a lot of the shine and gloss) aging them was an anti-glow up. A great mattification? Well...... this was a somewhat lackluster finale. (Thank you, thank you, the pun was unplanned. It's a gift.)

I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see Jane suffer? Work HARD to get the kid he abandoned back? I would’ve liked to have seen Ryan a little bit more competent and capable and his job. Maybe dating someone else. But I also do not want any more episodes. This was more than enough. So instead no separation, just boyfriends and a montage of their lives together, getting new and better jobs, moving in together, being supportive and sweet, etc... LOOK: It’s never a good sign when I immediately want to rewrite the show that I just saw.

In conclusion:

A story about a group of interns at a commercial video production company. While I genuinely love OffGun, I’m not convinced this was a good vehicle for them. Is it terrible for me to say, I miss their PickRome days? I don’t think they’ve ever had rolls that suited them better. Still, theirs was the best storyline in this ensemble piece masquerading as a BL, although they still fumbled the ending. Thus, I enjoyed about a 1/3 of it as much as possible, and 2/3 of it less than conceivable. 7/10 and I seriously considered dropping it to a 6/10 so don't push me.

Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 15 - Not gonna lie I was very skeptical. But I like it fine. Better than I expected because it’s been changed just enough. But it does need to stay changed. I don’t know what I’m trying to articulate here but…... I guess we’ll see.

Live in Love (Sun Gaga) ep 3 of 5 - It’s cute in a weird disjointed way. I’m enjoying it enough, I guess. I do like how forthright and direct Kla is.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Ah. Bully romance. My old frenemy. Of course making this office based means +10 for workplace harassment. Well well well. This will be red flag party town I see. How VERY old school yaoi. It’s all very Cdrama CEO = dudes in suits walking on parquet (minus all the gay sex of course.) The jumping around between times and unfinished scenes is very strange. Is this Starhunter chaos only applied to a timeline?

Imma say this so they hear it at the back. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE HAIR. If you do time jumps: change. the. hair. It's the easiest and best clue if you aren't going to apply a filter or other cinematography tricks. JUST CHANGE THE DAMN HAIR STYLE.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 9-10 of 12 - And now we all start using six dots in our……? A new coded way to indicate that one is into BL? I did think we were in a slight mire with ep 9, too much teacher filler. Not enough time spent with our boys. Meanwhile, sports day. Pouty Baby utilizing the power of Ge, in front of all of the classmates who do not realize how hard he is flirting and activating babygirl = one of the greatest things ever to happen on my screen. Essentially this was a version of the claiming trope, only nobody knew it but the two of them. Fucking genius. Yes, I watched it multiple times. Then babygirl is injured, the carrying and the flirting!!!! Gah!

I don’t mean to trivialize the show, but this is me and I can trivialize everything even something as brilliant as this. But that conversation about history at the beginning of ep 10...... Was that about topping and bottoming? Because it sure seemed that way.

And then...... Possibly the best only one bed trope twist ever?

This show is so fucking amazing.

And I am so worried about the end.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 7 of 10 - I love the kinkyness of our baby boy’s fantasy. Where he is the gift and his boyfriend is in uniform. Very nice. Thank you Japan. Never one to let kinky dogs lie. Also, the premise continues: one half thinks that they are already boyfriends and acts like it, and the other half is still trying to become a boyfriend. It’s absurd in that way that only Japanese miscommunication extraordinaire can be absurd. Also could Kyosuke be any more under his boy’s thumb?

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 1-2 of 10 eps - Shiba is a top lawyer, angular aggressive bespectacled workaholic cat-type (Kitten? Babygirl? Tsundere? Some unholy combination of all 3?) I am reminded I should be more considerate of my potted plants. OMG the teasing and the little tongue sticking out. Haruto is such a flirt. I love this dynamic. What fun! Manic pixie dream boy but MAKE HIM EVIL! Or very high? Or a grifter? I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. But I’m enjoying it. It’s very...... very

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) ep 7 of 12 - Oh! Good kiss. Smart to have the younger character initiate. I also like that he put a stop to it and then went and had a long conversation with a friend about it. Cautious boy. Also shows how in control of the situation Sea is becoming. It works for this BL since he has the stronger personality. I don't care what the characters say, this is about Sea becoming a rock for Neil.

But the secondary couple is actually winning this show. I want so much more of them.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 8fin - I’m not sure that blackmailing and entrapment, especially of your ex, necessarily justifies cheating. Plus I never like it when it’s gays against gays. But what did I expect from this show? This whole series was basically Korea’s version of messy gay. If you liked Only Friends you’ll probably enjoy this bullshit. And they were quite pretty. I, however, am monumentally displeased. 4/10 FATALLY FLAWED but still, basically, BL, however…... do we want to support this kind of behavior?

KOREA PLEASE GIVE US A NEW PROPER BL!! WHERE ARE YOU? WE ARE SAD AND LOST WITHOUT YOU.

It's like now they discovered boys can kiss they can't be happy.

It's airing but...

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

Happy of the End (Japan Tues Gaga) - A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL and it's exactly as expected. I do not like it at all. And ya know what? There is plenty airing. DNF

In case you missed it

I FINISHED Meet You at the Blossom (China). I ate crow, binged the fucker, and live blogged the experience. I enjoyed it a lot and got quite witty (I think) there are also puns (warning). But if you don't wanna slog though it, here are my final thoughts:

This was undeniably a wuxia and most definitely a BL. Evil stunning princely Cheekbones meets and falls in love with the bisexual disaster Dimples of his dreams. There’s a lot of floaty fighting, tangled plot, and overworked emotions. From start to finish it is exactly as it claims to be, including more than the expected amount of sexual claiming (dubious conscent to the point of rape). I’m not wild about the wuxia genre, but I will tell you what I do like: Very pretty men in flowing robes + eye makeup + hair ribbons wafting about stabbing and kissing each other plus ridiculous soap opera machinations. I also like cheekbones and dimples. AND I love a stupid gay sleeve, okay? There was also truly epic levels of stink-eye, and that too is to be lauded. This show left me grinning like crazy. Was it great? Not really, but it was a great experience and I enjoyed it immensely. 8/10

4 Minutes (Gaga) Ended - Spies reported in to say the ending was not-exactly-unhappy and mostly lackluster. I'm torn over whether to watch. My natural disinclination to binge, meets my dissatisfaction with wishy-washy, is going up against my love of high heat and pretty men. Oh the age old struggle between art and lust.

Mitsuya-sensei no keimakutekina ezuke finished and it’s reported to be solid. Age gap treated with respect. I'm curious, so I'll check it out if I can get hold of non-G-drive subs.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming Sept 2024:

9/28 Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ?? eps - oh I don't know just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I love love love this execution of the punishment trope. What's Ai going to do to you, Yu? Ride you to death?

I Saw You in My Dream indeed.

Sigh. This show. (Addicted Heroin)

All praise one of BL's best-in-show glow-ups. Nicely done, Jack.

James, on the other hand. Never needs a glow-up. Still the prettiest. Has been since Oxygen. (Battle of the Writers)

He's playing the role of Saint in this show, thank you very much. Speaking of which, wouldn’t that be just the most gorgeous pairing in the entire universe? Saint and James? I’ll be in my bunk.

Taiwan giving us a boop! Reminds me of Be Loved In House I Do, right up there with TharnType as chronic boopers.

Why is he SO GOOD in this show?

All Frist Note.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

95 notes · View notes

moody-alcoholic · 15 hours

Text

These Violent Delights

Chapter 6 - Passion Colors Everything

Summary: Poly 141 x fem!reader, a/b/o alternate universe 12.3k words. Shepherd is here to chew bubblegum and kick ass.... and he’s all out of bubblegum.

CW: MDNI +18 explicit content. a/b/o alternative universe, a/b/o dynamics, typical a/b/o universe tropes (heats, knotting, claiming, nesting), nightmares, angst, mentions of past abuse, nightmare of past abuse (descriptions of physical abuse), angst, sex, oral (F receiving), PiV sex, fingering, slight overstimulation.

AN: I was going to post this tomorrow. I couldn't wait I have no self control.

Previous - masterlist - next AO3

Enjoy <3

It feels like all the air has been sucked out of your lungs. Your ears are ringing, and you're not listening to what John is saying as he talks to Kate. There’s no way you’re going back? No way John would let that happen right? You close your mouth looking around the room, you want to leave, run, get as far away as you can. You can hear Kyle and Johnny talking now and Kate turns around. You use the opportunity to run out of the building.

You don’t know where you’re going, and you don’t care. You want to get away from this place, from whoever wants to take you back to the Professor. Your lungs burn and you find yourself running to the lab. You want to see Dr. Piper, she’ll tell them, she’ll make sure they don’t take you. When you burst through the door panting, everyone looks at you as you rush over to her office. You don’t knock, you throw yourself in. She stands up from her desk, and as soon as you see her you fall to your knees sobbing into your hands.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” she says, coming around and bending down in front of you, trying to pull your hands off of your face. You’re just sobbing, you can’t go back, you can’t. She manages to get you to look at her.

“Breathe, look at me,” she says, her cold hands on your cheeks. You hear commotion in the lab, and it makes you panic. What if he’s here already? Hairs stand up on the back of your neck, and your hand flys up to protect it as you throw yourself in Dr. Piper's arms. You hear John’s voice behind you, Johnny’s too.

“What happened?” Dr. Piper asks as you continue to sob into her chest. She’s trying to project a calming scent over you but it’s not working. You hear John come in, closing the door behind him. You’re trapped, they’re going to take you away. You’re not listening to them. You don’t want to go back, you can’t go back. Dr. Piper pries you off of her chest and gripping your wrists. She’s shaking you to get you to listen.

“Look at me,” she orders, voice harsh. You’ve not heard her use that tone in years. You stop sobbing and look up at her. She lets out a sigh, loosening her grip on your wrists.

“No one is taking you away. No one is going to let you go back to the Professor.” Her eyes are burning into you, all you can do is nod. She looks up at John, you feel him bend down next to you placing his hand on your back. You let your hand fall off the back of your neck. He’s not going to hurt you.

“Why don’t you go take a nap? By the time you wake up it will be dinner time and you’ll feel a lot better.” You don’t know what to do, but you let them help you up to your feet. Dr. Piper's arms leave you as you lean onto John, wiping your eyes. He leads you out of the building as quickly as possible, his arm wrapped around your waist as you’re walking back to the barracks. You can feel people staring, probably the same people from the mess earlier. Let them stare. You won’t be around for much longer anyway.

“I’m sorry,” you say, shivering as the rain hits you.

“About what?” he asks, pulling you closer to him. You’re not sure. You don’t know why you apologized, it just felt like something you needed to do. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” His voice is low, level, and there’s an edge of something to it. He’s tense all of the sudden. You sniffle, dragging your feet as you make it to the barracks. It makes a pit form in your stomach knowing that the Professor knows where you are now and he’s sent someone to get you. You don’t want to go back to him. When you walk through the door the smell of alpha hits you. It’s anger. Simon’s back.

“Is it true? Shepherd is on his way?” Simon snaps as soon as he sees John. His scent is so strong in the air, it makes you dizzy. You can smell his anger, it's scary, thick in the air almost to the point of suffocating you. You stand behind John, gripping his shirt. Alpha anger is a scary thing, and Simon is usually so good at controlling his emotions. You look at him, he’s bigger than Johnny and Kyle, and he might even be bigger than John. You look in his eyes dark and sharp, trained on John as he talks. His body language has changed. You didn’t think he would care if you were here or not. Maybe he would advocate to send you back to the Professor, one less complication out of his life.

“He should be here tomorrow,” John says. He’s calm unlike Simon. You look up at him, tears still running down your face. His eyes meet you for a second before he looks back at John.

“What does he want?” Simon asks.

“The omega,” John says. You swallow hard as Simon’s eyes land on you again, goosebumps run up your neck.

“How did he find out?” He turns to Kate.

“I’m not sure. I saw the order and rushed over here,” she explains.

“There’s plenty of ways he could have found out. We’re not exactly hiding,” John says.

“Maybe we should be,” Simon snaps back. John sighs, turning and pulling you to his side. He walks you past Simon and Kate to the hallway. Johnny and Kyle are standing in the corner of the room. They look at you sympathetically as John walks you down to your room.

“Get some rest. Johnny or Kyle will come and get you for dinner.” You open the door then turn to look up at him. You want to be around him, near him. He makes you feel safe. His thumb comes up to stroke your cheek, you can tell he’s thinking about something.

“You’re a good omega. I’m going to make sure nothing happens, no one is going to take you away.” He bends down kissing the top of your head. You nod at him, smiling. He smiles back then heads back down the hall. You don’t want to sleep, you don’t want to be alone. You go over to your nest, crawling between the pillows and blankets. If you’re going to get any rest, it’s going to be in your nest. You can hear the rain outside, the wind blowing past the building almost like it’s whistling. You can hear low voices in the common room. You trust John, you trust him. You close your eyes and try to let yourself relax as you listen to the rain.

You dream. You don’t want to, you wish you could have a restful nap, but you’re back in the bunker. The door to your room is thrown open. You see the Professor standing there in the doorway. He’s taller than you remember as he steps in. He looks tired, his hair a mess, his white doctor’s coat covered in blood.

“Had to kill another beta because you can’t keep your mouth shut!” he snaps. You flinch, covering your face with your hands. He takes another step towards you. You can smell the blood in the air. It makes you feel sick.

“You are a bad omega, no alpha is ever going to want you!” His voice is low, his anger filling the room. His hand comes down to grip your hair. You yelp in pain as he pulls you up off the floor throwing you on the bed. You bang your head against the wall sobbing silently as your head throbs.

“The next beta I kill will be that stupid doctor you like. She’s been nothing but trouble,” he says walking round the room behind you. You squeeze your eyes closed.

“Dr. Piper,” you whisper. His hands are on you pulling you off the bed. Your body hits the cold floor.

“Got something to say?” he snaps. You shake your head wrapping your arms around your chest, you just want to be left alone. He reaches down gripping your arm pulling it out from under you and stepping on your wrist with his boot.

“No, please!” you beg. You cry as his boot presses down harder.

“You are an omega, you’re nothing!” he shouts down at you.

“I know, I’m sorry!” you sob, hoping he won’t push down the little bit of pressure he would need to snap your wrist. Punishment for disobeying him, being a bad omega.

“Say it!”

“I’m a bad omega, I deserve this,” you cry. You know it’s not enough, it’s never enough. You can see the anger in his eyes, his face contorted into something horrible, gritted teeth, red face.

“One day you’ll learn,” he says, lifting his boot and slamming his heel back down on your wrist. The pain travels all the way up your arm. You cry out but he keeps his boot pressed down. You scream and writhe until eventually he relents. Black spots appear in your vision as he leaves the room hitting the light and leaving you in the dark. The heavy door slams closed. At least you’re alone now.

Your body jolts awake to a knocking at your door. Your eyes snap open as you suck in breaths of air. You’re sweating, your shirt damp. You feel sick, you don’t think you could eat even if you wanted to. Your room is dark, it must be almost time for the mess to close. You turn over in your nest. You just want to be left alone. There’s knocking again.

“Go away,” you call, although it’s quieter than you want. You don’t even know if they heard you, but then the door opens. Light floods into the room and you smell beta in the air.

“I picked up some dinner from the mess, thought you would want to stay here instead of going out.” It’s Kyle. You don’t want to see anyone, you just want to be alone. You want to sleep but you don’t want to dream.

“You need to eat.” He sounds like he’s pleading. You don’t want to see him. You don’t want to see anyone right now.

“Go away,” you say, closing your eyes again before you start crying. You hear Kyle sigh but he leaves, closing the door behind him. It feels like he’s only been gone for a few minutes when there is yet another knock on the door. You open your eyes. They’re sore and dry. You hear your name called as the door opens. This time you turn to look. You see Johnny standing there. He sighs, tipping his head to the side.

“Price won’t be happy if you skip a meal,” he says. You prop yourself up on a pillow.

“I’m not hungry,” you say.

“I know, but we got you extra pudding,” he says smiling. “It’s vanilla.”

You sigh and get up off the floor. Your limbs are stiff and your head is hurting. Johnny waits for you, letting you go first as he follows you down the hall. Kyle is sitting on the sofa watching TV. He smiles at you as you head over to the table. You can’t smell John or Simon, they must be busy trying to figure out a plan. You hope that’s what they’re doing and not trying to figure out a way to hand you back over to the Professor.

You sit down at the table and Johnny brings you a glass of water. You try to listen to what’s playing on the TV but your mind is too preoccupied. You look out the windows and you can see the floodlights lighting up one of the training fields. There are soldiers running up and down the hill. They look tired, stumbling and losing pace. You squint looking at the person standing at the top of the hill with his arms crossed. It’s Simon, you can see the white skull mask he wears as he turns in the light.

“What’s Simon doing?” you ask, turning back to see Johnny heating your food in the microwave.

“You know those recruits from the mess? Well turns out they've been causing a bunch of problems. The base commander was more than happy to let Simon run them around and remind them to be respectful.” That makes you smile as you look down at the table. Johnny brings a plate of food over to you.

“It wasn’t anything exciting today, just some kind of chicken pie.”

You smile at him pulling the pastry top off the chicken and letting the smell fill your nose. It does smell good. You keep flicking your head to look out the window at Simon and the people he has running up and down the hill. It makes you smile. Maybe Simon’s not always the best with his words but actions speak louder than words anyway. You read that in a book once. You let Johnny talk while you eat, better than the silence that’s been hanging over the building since everyone else left.

You eat your food. Kyle joins you at the table and he and Johnny chat. You listen to them and eat until you can’t take it any more, a wave of sadness washes over you and you sulk off to the showers. You take your time, letting the warm water and steam lull you back into a state of relaxation. When you leave the bathroom, John and Simon are still not back. You head into your room. You are tired, and you want to go to sleep. You see the bottle of pills on your bedside table. You don’t care that they’ll make you sick, you just want a good night's sleep. You take two, and by the time you’re changed into your pajamas you feel a heavy weight fall over you. You pick up the book Simon gave you earlier, and getting into bed you flick through it. You read until the words on the page start to melt together and your eyes are drooping closed.

When you wake you feel different. Your body feels heavy, your head pounding. You want to just curl up in your nest and sleep. You look over at it from your bed, and it looks wrong, like there’s something missing. You can hear people talking in the common room. It must be later than normal. You don't have to see Dr. Miller today so you’ve enjoyed the extra rest. You crawl over to your nest, something about it doesn’t feel right. You pull the pillows and blankets out. You rearrange it, but there’s still something wrong. You try again. It feels like an empty nest, it smells like an empty nest.

You need more things, something that smells like your pack. You’re still rearranging when there is a knock at your door. You don’t pay attention to it, your fingers running over the wooly blanket. You ignore your name being called, you have more important things to worry about. You hear the door open and the smell of beta filling the air, but you don't want anyone disturbing you right now or have people in your space. You turn to look at the threat in the doorway. It's Dr. Piper. You grip the blanket waiting for her to talk.

“We’re supposed to be having a chat with Captain Price,” she says. You nod, turning back to the nest. You move the pillows a little more but it still feels wrong. You just can’t quite put your finger on it. You put the blanket down, getting up and walking to the door.

“You’re nesting,” she says as you close your door behind you.

“It doesn't feel right,” you say, looking back towards your room. She looks at you studying your face for a second as you make it to John’s office. You can already smell his alpha through the door. There’s this burning inside of you to be close to him, you rub the back of your neck.

“Preheat. Could be a matter of days now,” she says as a matter of fact and then knocks on the door. That explains it. John calls you in and the moment you see him you blush as your scent cuts through the air. He reacts to it flaring his nostrils, his eyes dilating. You almost want to throw yourself into his arms. Instead you follow Dr. Piper over to the chairs.

“You smell different,” he says, frowning.

“Preheat. It doesn't always happen,” Dr. Piper says.

“What does that mean?” John asks. You don't really listen to the explanation; you know all about it. You’ve only ever had preheat a few times before. It's supposed to be a normal part of the heat cycle but you’ve never really had a normal cycle. Your body will spend the next few days getting ready for your heat. You’ll nest more, eat more and sleep more. You’ll be clingy, wanting to spend more time around an alpha.

“I guess General Shepherd picked the best time to visit,” John sighs. You can hear the sarcasm in his voice. You’re causing a problem.

“Is he really going to take me back to the Professor?” you ask.

“No. Doesn't mean he’s going to make our life easy. According to Kate, he wants a meeting with you, Dr. Montgomery. He would like to see the progress of your cure. He would like to meet you too,” John says, his gaze resting on you. You don't want to meet him, you don't even want to be in the same room as someone who would so willingly hand you off to someone like the Professor.

“I don’t want to meet him,” you say, looking down at the floor.

“We’ll be there, you won’t be alone,” John says. You look up at him. Somehow that makes you feel even more embarrassed, like you're a trophy they’re showing off. You’ve gotten too comfortable with them. At the end of the day you’re just an omega, a thing to be bred. Maybe the general wants you all to himself. The Professor's voice is loud in your head; you’re just an omega, you’re not worth anything other than to be filled with babies one day. You look back up at John, but you can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“Are you sure you still want to go through with this?” she asks. You watch John. It’s his choice, he could say no right now.

“Of course,” he says. You smile.

“Okay, so Dr. Miller has been working on a hormone blocker to help Lieutenant Riley. Just to be on the safe side though, he will be staying away from the building for the duration of the heat. Mostly for your safety,” Dr. Piper explains. Price frowns.

“When the omega is in heat, you will be in rut. It's basically like heat for males. You’ll become super protective of the omega. Anyone who isn't in your pack will be a threat.” You look up at John trying to see his reaction. He just nods.

“How long do heats last?” he asks.

“Usually between 5-7 days. It depends on her stress levels,” she says looking back at you.

“And you’re going to be pretty out of it?” he asks, looking at you.

“Yeah, I don’t know how to explain it. It’s all hazy,” you say, looking at Dr. Piper for support.

“Don’t be too worried. She’s not going to be unconscious or anything, more like extremely relaxed.”

“Yeah and it’s not like I'm new to this.” You smile at him.

“The betas will take it in turns to check on you both. I’ve already spoken to Johnny and Kyle. They’ll be making sure you eat and drink. You will also be out of it, not as much as the omega but things will definitely be foggy, especially when you’re knotted.”

“Knotting, you’ve explained it before,” he says. You’re blushing.

“One of the many wonders of the formula, don’t think about it too much, your body will do what's natural.”

“Okay, what about claiming? Is there anything else I should know?” You smile at him.

“You’ll need to let the betas check the wound, which might be easier said than done depending on how aware you are. Other than that, don’t be worried, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. It’s after the heat when things will really start to feel different,” she explains. He's going to claim you, you’re going to be claimed. Then you truly will be his omega.

“Okay, and it could be any time soon?” he asks. Dr. Piper nods. It’s not really the best timing but you can’t control it.

“I can go through it alone again. I’m used to it,” you offer. Dr. Piper starts to protest but John stops her.

“No, we’ll work it out, don’t worry,” he says, and you nod. “Now we need to focus on this meeting with General Shepherd. He should be here in an hour or so.”

“She can’t go back to the Professor,” Dr. Piper says.

“That’s not going to happen, but he might have other demands. Unfortunately this is very much a gray area. Since you worked so closely with the Professor, I think it would be best if you’re in there from the start,” John says looking at Dr. Piper. She nods.

“It would be nice to have someone who is used to this world on our side,” he says.

“Of course,” she nods. You zone out, letting John and Dr. Piper continue to talk strategies. Before you know it, you’re starving, your stomach rumbling as the cravings come. You want something sweet, french toast or pancakes. You feel like you could eat a million puddings. Dr. Piper can sense your fidgeting, putting her hand on your bouncing leg to stop it. You sigh. You feel like a kid waiting for your parents to stop talking so you can leave and do what you want to do. It feels like they're talking forever before you’re finally allowed to go.

You find Kyle and almost drag him to the mess. When you get in, you see some of the soldiers who were making comments about you. They look embarrassed, quickly looking away when you catch their eyes. You don’t care, you're too hungry.

When you get back to the barracks everyone but Johnny has left. Johnny tells you they’ll be back later, after the meeting with General Shepherd. You know he wants to see you too, but you don’t want to see him. You don’t want to see anyone or leave the building. Johnny puts his arm around you when you sit down on the sofa. You watch the TV leaning against him.

“Don’t worry lass, what’s the worst that could happen?” he says. You let out a sigh. The Professor could come in your sleep and take you back.

“Probably nothing,” you sigh. You don’t want to think about it anymore.

It’s an hour later when Dr. Montgomery is called to a conference room for the meeting. She stands outside the door waiting for John and Simon to show up. The General and Kate are already inside as well as a few other people she doesn’t know. It’s the nerves getting to her. She wasn’t sure what to prepare for the meeting so she just bought everything. She’d read through each piece of paper, each piece of data multiple times before neatly packing it away in the folder she was now clinging onto for dear life. She hears voices round the corner, the smell of alpha in the air. She lets out a sigh of relief as Simon and John step round.

“Ready?” John asks as he reaches the door.

“As I’ll ever be,” she replies. John smiles and Simon walks through. She pulls John to the side before they step into the room.

“She’s never been able to advocate for herself, she’s never had anyone in her corner. I know he’s your boss but she needs us to stick up for her.”

“Don’t worry, she’s not going anywhere,” John says, patting her shoulder, smiling. She doesn’t know if she quite believes him, surely the General can override any order. Maybe he could take her by force. Piper walks into the room. There are more people than she thought here, but still no one she recognizes. Everyone takes seats around the table with a projector at the end. There’s formalities, people being introduced, their significance. Everyone from the base commander to some people the General bought. He starts off with some speech explaining what was going to be happening.

“Professor Hale has caught me up with some of the terminology. I also heard your team has been exposed to the chemical?” General Shepherd asks. John nods.

“And you’re Dr. Montgomery?” he asks, looking at her. She nods.

“Okay I think we should get the elephant out of the room first.” He moves around to the front of the table.

“What made you think blowing up the lab was a good idea?”

“We had intel that they were making and selling chemical weapons, so we decided to act on it,” John says.

“If you had gone up the correct chain of command you would have been told to stay well away from Professor Hale and his little project.”

“Little,” Dr. Piper scoffs, rolling her eyes. The General’s gaze snaps to her but he ignores her comment.

“You shouldn’t have not gotten involved with this, Captain. Now we have one hell of a mess to clean up,” he says. Clicking something on a laptop brings your folder up, the one from the lab. It makes Dr. Piper feel sick. It’s the fake one the Professor would give to people so they wouldn't know what was really going on. Even in your picture you look somewhat normal, flushed cheeks, nice hair. People would even think you were happy. That’s what the Professor wanted people to think.

“The omega initiative; you’re probably aware of the finer details. It is important we continue the core research to finalize the formula, and the only way we can do that is with the help of Professor Hale. Professor Hale is willing to work with us as well as forgive the destruction of his lab—and the significant damage to his mansion—on the condition that we return the omega back to him.”

“You’re out of your mind ,” Dr. Piper laughs.

“Doctor.” It’s John’s voice behind her, his alpha is strong in the air and it makes goosebumps rise on her neck.

“She’s not going anywhere,” John says.

“Captain, we’re lucky this whole project is still confidential and no one outside this room, or the Professor's circle is aware of it. If our enemies were to learn about this we would have a monumental problem.”

“She’s not going anywhere, especially not back to the Professor,” Price says. This time there’s an edge to his voice. The General sighs.

“Look we can do this the easy way or—”

“Sending her back is a death sentence,” John interrupts him.

“We do not have another option. If we want to work with Professor Hale then we need to try and comply with his demands."

“We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” Simon speaks up.

“He is not a terrorist. He works for us,” he says.

“Excuse me!” Dr. Piper snaps. “He works for the government? Since when?”

“It is in the best interests of the nation to allow Professor Hale to continue his research and create a formula for the expressed purpose of improving the capabilities of our armed forces.”

“He gave you the super soldier speech then? That type of formula is years away, tens of years away,” Dr. Piper says, leaning forward in her seat.

“With all due respect Dr. Montgomery, the Professor thinks he will be able to have results before the end of the year.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but are you a scientist? Have you spent the last 20 years of your life working for the Professor? Well I have, and I’m telling you there is no way on earth he can have a working formula before the end of the year,” Dr. Piper says. Her anger is filling the air now. The General just looks at her for a second like he’s thinking about something.

“Regardless of your credentials, the Professor has made us a promise—”

Dr. Piper laughs. “I bet I have a cure before he even has time to start on creating a new formula.”

“It is my understanding that all he needs is the omega,” General Shepherd says. Dr. Piper leans back in her chair. He would need way more than that, his labs are gone. Even if he has a copy of the formula, as well as government funding, why is the omega so important? She’s stopped listening to him as he continues to talk.

“—I think it’s long overdue that we meet this omega,” Shepherd says. Dr. Piper is up from her seat before John needs to ask her. She wants to get out of the room.

“Let's break and meet her back in 10 minutes,” she hears someone say as she leaves the room rubbing the back of her neck. Something feels wrong. You’re more than just a toy for him, there’s something about you that he needs, otherwise he would have just created another omega by now.

You’re sitting at the table with Johnny and Kyle, nervous. You know they can smell it in the air, they’ve been trying to project a calming scent but it’s not really been working. It’s not their fault you’re way too pent up. You’ve felt nothing but the overwhelming urge to vomit for the past few hours. It feels like you’ve been waiting forever when Dr. Piper walks into the building. Kyle and Johnny immediately stand up but you wait until she comes over to the table.

“They want to meet you,” she says. You knew this was coming. You knew this was going to happen. You slowly get up, fear rising inside you. You wish you could run. Johnny and Kyle follow behind you as you all walk in silence into the main building on the base. You’re led to a room where Simon and John are standing outside waiting. They make you feel a little better that they’re both here. You don’t want to do this, it makes you feel like you’re just a thing, a toy to be played with or shown off.

“It won’t take long, we’ll be there the whole time,” John says. You nod at him trying not to panic. He comes to stand next to you placing his hand on your back. You swallow the nerves, digging your nails into your palms. Simon and Dr. Piper walk in first, then you and John. You look around the room.

There are people you don’t recognize and standing at the head of the long table is the person you assume is General Shepherd. He doesn’t look as mean as you thought. He reminds you of the Professor, big and old, only with less hair and no glasses. John is having to practically push you down the room over to him until you’re stood in front of him. You can’t smell anything off him. He’s not been exposed to the chemical and neither have the other people in the room.

“So you must be the omega everyone is talking about.” He smiles, turning to see you. You don’t know what to say. He holds his hand out and you almost flinch. You don’t want to shake his hand, you don’t care if you’re being rude. Goosebumps rise on your neck. You don’t want to be here. After a few seconds he drops his hand.

“So, are you aware that Professor Hale has requested you go back to work with him?” he asks. You nod. Work for him? So that’s how he’s phrasing it.

“And do you want to go back and work for him?” You shake your head. Why would he even ask?

“You are aware that refusing to go back may…complicate things?” He sounds serious. You don’t want to be a bother. You don’t want to be a burden. Maybe you should go back to make life easier for them all, to be a good omega. You nod. He sighs, taking a step back. You want to leave. You can’t help taking a step back, but John’s hand on your back keeps you in place.

“I would like you to think about all the options you have. Professor Hale is willing to offer Dr. Montgomery her job back as well as allow you to keep in contact with your pack,” he explains. You don’t believe it for a second. You don’t say anything, you just stand there in silence. He sighs looking up at John, then nods. You can tell he didn’t get what he wanted. You take a step back, turning to leave.

“Hold on a second,” he says. You stop breathing, freezing in place. “Professor Hale instructed me to check for a mark.”

“She’s not claimed,” Dr. Piper says. A pit forms in your stomach and your hand goes up to the back of your neck. You want to cry, there’s no way you’re letting him get close enough to see that.

“Hale insisted I check it personally.” You look at the end of the room seeing Dr. Piper stood with her arms crossed. You hear him moving closer to you, your hand reaches out to grip John’s shirt. You’re trying not to panic, you’re really trying hard. You can’t even control your scent anymore; you're filling the room with your fear. It causes Simon to move up next to John.

“It will only take a second,” General Shepherd says, and then he’s right behind you. You look down letting out a long breath and move your hand up to the back of your head pulling your hair out the way. He takes another step forward and you close your eyes, gripping John’s shirt harder wishing you were anywhere else but here. You feel panic rising in you, you bite the inside of your cheek. It feels like the seconds are taking hours.

“Okay, you’ve seen it. She’s not claimed.” It’s John’s voice. You open your eyes again, moving your hand and letting your hair fall back down to cover your neck. You look up at Dr. Piper across the room. She looks sad, her eyes not leaving you. You let go of John’s shirt as he moves to the side and you rush over to her. She opens the door for you and you rush out. Your eyes are already welling up with tears as you fall into Johnny’s arms. You’ve never felt so exposed, the fear and adrenaline keeping you going starts to fade and you feel sick. This time you let yourself breathe, letting their scent calm you.

“It’s okay,” Johnny says as he strokes your hair. It’s not okay, nothing about any of this is okay.

“A tracker!? She's not an animal, she's a human being!” you hear Dr. Piper shout. You pull your head out of Johnny’s chest, heading back towards the door.

“It’s just a precaution,” Shepherd replies.

“It's a human rights violation is what it is,” Dr. Piper snaps.

“You’re not putting a tracker in her,” John says.

“Captain, don't make this harder than it needs to be,” Shepherd says.

Kyle comes to stand next to you.

“Let’s head back, we don’t need to be here,” he says. You wipe your eyes. His hand wraps round your waist trying to pull you away. You hear John yelling as Kyle moves you away from the door. A tracker? You really are just livestock.

The rest of the day seems to move in slow motion. Kyle brings you food from the mess again. You’re hungry but you don’t want to eat. You know you have to though. No one has come back from the meeting yet, you’ve been waiting for an update all this time. You’re pushing pasta around your plate hoping that they will be able to come up with a plan that doesn’t involve you being handed over to the Professor. You’ve started to plan what you’re going to do if you’re not given a choice. You’re going to run. Anything is better than being back with the Professor. You put your fork down picking up the pudding cup. Johnny got you extra again, and he smiles at you as you open it, picking up the spoon.

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” you ask Johnny. He thinks for a second.

“I’d go home, back to good ol’ Scotland. I have a house in the highlands,” he says. Kyle chuckles coming over to the table.

“You could go literally anywhere and you pick to go home?” he asks.

“Well where would you go?” Johnny asks, crossing his arms.

“Australia, or New Zealand,” Kyle says. You eat your pudding, listening to their conversation. It’s caramel flavored today.

“That’s not that adventurous.”

“You said Scotland,” Kyle protests.

“Okay, okay, where would you go, that isn’t the UK or the commonwealth,” Johnny says, folding his arms and leaning back in the chair.

“I would like to travel around Africa,” Kyle says.

“Africa sounds good. Panama,” Johnny says. Kyle looks at him confused, shaking his head.

“Panama?” Kyle questions. You can’t help but laugh. They both turn to look at you. You cover your mouth with your hand. Shaking your head but you can’t stop laughing, you don’t know why the conversation has tickled you. You keep laughing. If you stop, you think you’ll start crying again. You like seeing them smile, today has been a long day and you could use a little joy. The sound of the front door closing makes you stop. You turn to see John and Simon walking in. You look back at the table spooning more pudding in your mouth.

“Shouldn’t you both be in the gym?” Simon asks. There’s silence but Johnny and Kyle seem to get the hint, getting up and heading to their rooms. John and Simon take their places at the table. You’re holding your breath expecting bad news.

“You’re not going back to the Professor, you’re staying here,” John says. You look between them, licking the rest of the pudding off the spoon.

“What’s going to happen then?” you ask, putting the spoon down.

“Not sure, but for now you don’t need to worry. Let’s just get through your heat, then we’ll go from there.” You smile. It doesn’t feel right but it’s something and you’re not going anywhere.

“You did well today, just get some rest, take it easy. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” You nod. You push the plate away looking between them both.

“You didn’t have to stick up for me today. I know it would be easier to give me back to the Professor. Thank you.”

“Who said it was easier to give you back to the Professor?” John asks. You look down at the table.

“We’re a pack right?” Simon says. It surprises you and you look up at him. You nod.

“Then we take care of the pack.” He looks over at John. You smile at Simon, he does think of you as part of the pack.

“We take care of the pack,” John says back to him. Simon looks at you and you keep smiling, nodding at him.

Simon walks into the lab. It’s dark but he can see the light from around the wall. He steps in, he can hear Dr. Montgomery mumbling. He peeks in her office. It’s empty, just lit up by a computer monitor.

“Christ,” she says. It sounds like a fist slamming the desk. Simon walks round the corner seeing her looking through a microscope.

“Everything alright?” he says trying not to spook her but she jumps anyway looking up from the microscope.

“I can’t do this!” she snaps, throwing the glass of whatever she was looking at at the wall. Simon almost jumps looking behind him at the broken glass. She runs her hand through her hair.

“Okay, calm down,” he says. She looks at him, rubbing her forehead. He’s never seen her this worked up before. She usually has such a calmness about her, level headed and in control. Right now she looks like she’s about to burst into tears.

“Sorry,” she says waving him away as she sits back down at the table looking at the computer monitor. He waits, watching her click through something before he walks round the table to join her. He doesn’t understand what she’s looking at but she’s muttering under her breath as she scans the images.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” he says. She takes her glasses off, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“He needs her, he needs the omega. I’ve never thought about it before but she’s special. He could have created another omega and continued his research without agreeing to work with the government.” She turns to look at him, but he doesn’t know what to say.

“There’s something about her, he needs her.”

“Maybe it’s just because he’s her father?” He suggests.

“He never loved her. He spent all those years torturing her. You know that.” She turns to look at him. He knows it’s a dig at him. She’s frustrated, and she’s taking it out on him. That’s okay, he's used to it. She sighs looking back over to the computer.

“If we can figure out why she’s important we can use it against him. She might even be the solution for all this, for the cure, for perfecting the formula…” She trails off clicking back through on the computer.

“You did a good job defending her today,” he says. She sighs, shaking her head.

“He knows where she is, it’s only a matter of time before he tries something,” she says.

“She’s safe here,” Simon says.

“She’s not safe anywhere. She never will be until the Professor is dead.” She says looking back in the microscope.

“Thought you were a pacifist,” he says. She looks over at him quickly before going back to the microscope.

“You and John saved her today, not me,” she sighs. “I could have never spoken to General Shepherd the way John did.”

“You did good, just take the compliment,” he sighs.

“I don’t need to be complimented Simon,” she says. He smiles.

“You’re a good person,” he says. She looks over at him.

“When you start believing that about yourself I’ll listen,” she says. A smile tugs on her lips. Simon scoffs—stubborn women.

“Want to go through this data with me?” she asks after a few seconds. Simon nods, sitting on a stool scooting over to her. She passes him some papers. He picks them up looking at them.

“More chromosomes?”

“It’s the formula, circle anything over 2. Turns out reverse engineering is going to be harder than we think,” she sighs.

“It’s never easy,” he says picking up a pen.

“No such thing as easy,” she replies.

You wake and you’re starving. You pull yourself out of bed, changing and rushing out of your room. You almost bump into Johnny as you’re still pulling your shoes on.

“Easy lass, where you going in such a hurry?” He smiles.

“Hungry, “ is all you say as you continue to the front door. You want to get to the mess, fill your plate with stacks of eggs and bacon and as many puddings as you can eat. You see John sitting at the table with a mug in one hand and a tablet in the other.

“Morning,” he says as you pass him.

“Morning,” you reply, rushing out the building. It feels like you can smell the food coming from the mess and it makes your mouth water. Johnny comes out behind you throwing his arm around your shoulder. He slows you down but as soon as you get into the mess your stomach is rumbling. It feels like you haven’t eaten in days. Everything smells and looks amazing, even things you haven’t tried yet. You get two plates filling them both up with a little bit of everything. Mostly eggs and thick slices of toast and butter. Johnny looks on in awe as you demolish both the plates then go back for more. The pudding is strawberry today and you manage to eat 3 before you finally feel satisfied.

“Is this because of your heat?” Johnny asks as you finish licking the pudding off the spoon. You nod.

“Is it going to be like this for every meal?” You shake your head, maybe you went a bit overboard. You'll have to sit here for a few minutes to let your stomach settle.

“Dr. Montgomery talked to us about your heat. Gave us a list of jobs we have to do for you and Price.”

“Like what?” you ask slowly sipping on your water.

“Making sure you eat and drink. Keeping John up to date with what's going on.”

“What is going on?” you ask.

“Well, we’re kind of just waiting to see what Shepherd says,” he says. You nod. So he’s still here, and who knows when he’ll leave. Suddenly you want to get back to the barracks. You get up throwing your tray in the pile as you both walk back. When you get in you can hear commotion in the hallway.

“How did they get the first bed in here?” Kyle asks, you and Johnny stick your heads round the corner seeing a bed frame sticking out of John’s room awkwardly.

“Christ, you need to turn it,” Johnny says, going to help them.

“We’ve tried that already.” Simon’s voice comes out of John’s room.

“Well clearly you’ve not done it the right way,” Johnny says, trying to pull the frame back.

“Watch it Soap!” Kyle shouts as the bed moves off the wall, almost hitting him in the head. You chuckle backing out the way.

“Teamwork!” John shouts from his office. You turn to look in the office, his door half open. He sees you looking and smiles. You take it as permission to walk in. He puts down whatever he's working on.

“You okay?” he asks. You nod remembering how quickly you left the building this morning.

“Sorry I rushed out this morning. I was hungry.” He smiles.

“It’s okay, if there is anything you need just let us know,” he says, you nod, hearing a bang coming from the room next door.

“New bed?” you ask him.

“Something like that,” he chuckles. “I was wondering if you would want to spend the evening together tonight? I can get the boys out and we could just relax, see where the night goes?” You blush, you’re pretty sure he’s trying to ask you for sex. You smile nodding at him.

“Great, it's a date.” He smiles leaning back in his chair. You can smell his alpha in the air. There’s a loud crash and some cursing. You watch John roll his eyes as he gets up out of his chair.You chuckle as he walks past you, and you follow him. You get distracted though seeing a hat hanging on a hook next to his jacket. You run your fingers over it. this would be perfect for your nest. You take it off the hook, it smells like John, it’s a wool beanie, soft as you bring it up to your nose. John walks back to his office making you jump.

“Can I keep this?” you ask, showing it to him.

“Sure,” he says, sounding a little confused. You hum, going past him. You need to put it in your nest, then maybe it will feel right. You make it into your room kneeling down next to your nest. You take your time trying to make it perfect. You don’t know how long you’re doing it for before you get up heading into Dr. Pipers room. You breathe in her scent. You don’t know what you want until you’re drawn to a scarf laid on the end of the bed. It’s silk. You run it through your fingers. You had no idea she had something like this. You take it out back to your nest ignoring Johnny as he calls you from the common room. It’s getting there. You smile pulling the pillows off of your bed to add to the pile. You follow your nose walking down the hallway. Johnny's room door is open, and you stand in the doorway for a few seconds. His room smells stronger than Dr. Pipers.

“Need something lass?” Johnny asks, coming up beside you. You walk into his room flaring your nostrils. You’re drawn to a shirt hanging over the back of his desk chair. You pick it up and bring it to your nose.

“Can I have this?” you ask turning to go back to your nest before you even hear him give an answer. He follows you watching as you rearrange your nest for what feels like the hundredth time today. It’s getting there. You stand back up turning to see Johnny in the doorway.

“Do you think Kyle will let me in his room?” Again your body moves before he’s had a chance to reply. You open his door standing in the doorway. Kyle sticks his head round the corner.

“What’s up?” he asks as you walk into his room.

“She’s collecting things. Putting them in her nest,” Johnny explains. They both wait in the doorway watching you looking round Kyle’s room. His is more organized than Johnny's. Your hands land on another scarf, this one is made of a rougher fabric though. You bring it up to your nose and smile. You leave the room without asking. You just want to get this perfect. You’re getting frustrated, it’s still not right. You stand up, you need something from Simon.

You look back at Johnny and now Kyle watching you, you walk past them over to Simon’s room. You can’t go in there, not without his permission. It’s an alpha’s domain. If you go in without him knowing and get your scent everywhere, he could get angry. You just stand there deciding on what to do. Johnny and Kyle stand next to you waiting. You should knock and ask him.

No, he doesn’t like you, he could say no. You want your nest to be finished but you don’t want to annoy Simon. You step back from his door heading back to your room closing the door behind you, and you crawl into your nest. It will have to do for now.

By the time the evening comes around, you’re strangely nervous. Everyone had left the building just as the sun was going down. It felt weird being alone. Simon left first, he didn’t say anything. Then Johnny and Kyle left an hour later joking about their temporary displacement and how long they can realistically stretch out a gym session. You felt embarrassed knowing you–or more John–was kicking them out so you could have sex. Although maybe it was for the best. When you’re in heat, they’re going to be around, helping even. This is different and that’s okay, that's the point.

“You ready?” John asks coming into the common room. You didn’t even hear him come out of his room. You nod getting up off the sofa, it feels so formal, you walk over to him, his hands wrap around your waist.

“Are you sure you still want to do this?” he asks. You nod looking up at him, in his deep blue eyes which look darker in the dim lighting. He looks tired as his hand comes up to your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. He leans down, planting his lips on yours. You relax into his kiss letting his hand run back down to your waist. His touch is nice, his hands warm as they map out your curves. You press up against him playing with his tongue as you make your way to his room. You’ve never been in his room before. You break from the kiss to look around. The double bed barely fits with the desk and built-in wardrobe taking up most of the space. Other than the smaller window the layout is almost identical to your room.

“They let you have a double bed.” You smile. “It’s just two single beds pressed together,” he shrugs, but you don’t care. You turn back to look at him, and there’s a glint in his eyes. You kiss him. He presses his tongue back into your mouth, you let it drag across yours. The smell of vanilla fills the room, and the musky scent of his arousal makes shivers run down your spine. His hands grip your waist, his thumbs dipping under your waistband.

“You are beautiful,” he says, breaking away from the kiss, his eyes soaking you in.

“Such a good omega,” he breathes, and you blush at the praise, which makes that warm knot come back in your stomach. You smile letting your scent fill the room. You want to let him know you’re ready, ready for him. He guides you over to the bed gently pressing you to sit down, he breaks away from the kiss.

“John, be gentle.”

“Of course,” his voice is low, humming in your ears. It sends vibrations down your spine. He sits on the bed next to you, his hands traveling up your thighs. You’re not really sure what you’re supposed to do—be a good omega just lie there. And keep calm. If he senses you’re worried or nervous he might stop, and you don’t want that. His hand squeezes your thigh, his other hand resting on the top of your back.

“Relax,” he says, and you drop your shoulders and let out a breath. “We can stop any time you want, you just have to say okay?” You nod, and he smiles, kissing you on the forehead before maneuvering your body so you’re both laid on the bed. His hand rests on your stomach as you lean in to kiss him again. This time you really do relax, letting the smell of vanilla fill your head to the point of making you dizzy. His hand slips under your shirt, it's warm and firm against your skin as he moves up to your breasts. His thumb brushes over your nipple causing you to moan into the kiss. He breaks away smiling.

“When was the last time you had someone just take care of you?” You frown at the question, your brain trying to think as he continues to rub circles with his thumb.

“Never,” you say. You don’t know why you feel embarrassed about that. He hums.

“That’s going to change, from now on it’s all about what you want. Because that’s what my omega deserves, to be taken care of.” You nod at his words, not quite knowing what to say. There's a tingle running through your body now, something you haven’t felt in years, you want to chase it. You go to kiss him again but instead he moves, his hands gripping the bottom of your shirt. You raise your arms letting him take it off over your head. The cool air hits your bare chest making goosebumps form.

You watch as John sits up pulling his own shirt over his head. He’s well built, of course he is, he’s a soldier. He’s got a nice stock of body hair too. That you expected. You wait till he’s done, soaking him in as he throws his shirt over the end of the bed. You smile as his eyes look over you, his hand coming down to your chest as he runs it over your body. You’re glad you decided to wear something comfy and forgo the bra, it makes it easier for John as his hand travels down to your abdomen. There's an ache throbbing between your legs as he holds his hand firm, looking at you. You smile at him and he leans down to kiss you.

The kiss is distracting, his hot tongue playing with yours as he slips his hand in your underwear. You spread your legs for him without even thinking. He goes slow, though, almost like he’s testing the waters. His fingers are warm as he pushes one between your folds. The brief contact with your clit makes you gasp pulling away from his mouth.

“So sensitive,” he says, his fingers pressing against your entrance. You nod blindly as he gathers some of your slick on his fingers then drags them back up, pressing them onto your clit. You moan as his fingers rub little circles. It feels like it’s the most contact you’ve had in years. Your head tips back as the scent of his arousal fills the room again. Of course you’re sensitive, you're in preheat, it’s not going to take you long to come especially like this, his rough fingers making steady movements, slowly building up speed. He knows what he’s doing, that's for sure. Your back arches as you chase the peak, closing your eyes and gripping the bedding as the orgasm washes over you.

It comes in waves, pulsating all through your body. It’s completely different to the ones you’ve had during your heat. It feels almost fulfilling, rushing through your body making your clit throb as John works you through it, slowing his movements until you relax back down on the bed. You open your eyes looking over at him as your hazy brain catches up with you. Your scent is thick in the air, you see his pupils dilate as he removes his hand leaning down to kiss you.

“That was amazing,” you breathe as he pulls away. He smiles, you can’t help your eyes traveling down to his crotch. There’s a prominent bulge there now, it must be uncomfortable.

“Not yet,” he says, pulling your chin back up so you meet his eyeline. “I want to make you cum at least one more time before that.” Holy shit. You nod blindly as he moves off the end of the bed. He stands up undoing his belt, you prop yourself up so you can get a better look. The only light in the room is coming from the bedside table light next to you. The shadows make his muscles look more defined, as he drops his pants. He stands there naked at the end of the bed. He’s big, or maybe it’s just the shadows. You’re trying not to gawk at him as he runs his hand down the shaft pulling back his foreskin to reveal the red hot tip.

Your mouth goes dry. He leans over you, grabbing the waistband of your sweat pants. You shuffle and bring your legs together so he can pull both your underwear and pants off in one go. He’s definitely done that before. You lay back down feeling slightly embarrassed, what if he doesn’t like what he sees? There seems to be no complaints as his hands grip your waist pulling you down the bed slightly. You see him bend down at the end of the bed, and he takes your legs putting them over his shoulders. You can feel his hot breath on your soaked cunt.

“You know what to do if you want me to stop,” he says. Even the feel of his breath is enough to have shivers running through you.

“I know,” you say, swallowing any nerves you had away. He hums, shifting his body one last time before his tongue slips through your folds. It’s like instant fireworks running through your body, you’re almost shaking, your legs squeezing his head. He chuckles which doesn’t make things easier, vibrations now running through to your core. You relax your legs arching your back instead, one of his hands comes to your waist while you feel the other slip between your legs. His mouth leaves your clit and you whine from the loss of contact.

“Being needy now, hm?” he asks. You can hear the grin on his face as your brain tries to comprehend the words.

“Yes,” is all you manage, you hear him chuckle again as his fingers brush your entrance. You moan from the contact as he inserts two fingers into you. You didn't even think about how thick they were until now that they’re inside you and you're clenching around them.

“Relax,” he breathes. You barely have time to react before his mouth is back on your clit. It’s a whole new sensation now, his fingers thrusting inside you in time with the strokes of his tongue. You’re trying to keep still for him, your hands gripping the bedding as he slowly builds up speed. Even now he’s so gentle, using just the right amount of pressure to build you up to the peak slowly. You’ve never felt like this before. You’ve never had sex like this before. Maybe Dr. Piper was right and there is some romance involved.

Suddenly he changes his pace, his fingers curling up and hitting that oh-so-sweet spot inside you as his tongue presses down on you harder. Your hand flys down to his head, your fingers lacing through his hair.

“John—” You breathe, trying not to clench your legs around his head again. He doesn't stop, and you clench round his fingers as the second orgasm hits you. You let go of his hair so you don’t pull it, panting as he keeps going until your legs start twitching. You feel almost empty as his mouth and fingers leave you. You prop yourself up so you can see him. You can see his fingers glistening in light covered in your slick. You smile at him as his eyes meet yours. He brings the fingers to his mouth sucking them clean. Why is that the hottest thing he’s done tonight?

“You okay?” he asks. Your brain is fuzzy, overwhelmed with the scents and the multiple orgasms. You nod, and he smiles. He climbs back into the bed, his body over yours. He leans down to kiss you, and you can taste yourself on him, his lips puffy as he gently presses his tongue into your mouth. You moan as the leathery smell of his arousal hits your nose. He breaks away, you see his eyes glossed over. You wrap your arms around his neck pushing your fingers through the hair at the base of his skull.

You press your thumbs gently on his scent gland, and he almost purrs as you do it, moving his body to a more comfortable position. He moves one of his hands down pressing his fingers on your clit then down to your entrance. For once you’re lucky you’re in preheat. There’s plenty of slick for him to work with. He gathers some on his fingers before moving and lining himself up with your entrance. You’re suddenly nervous, he looks big. He’s an alpha, they're always big, at least that’s what you’ve been told.

“I’ll be gentle,” he says, still nudging your entrance. You nod, you trust him. “Just relax.” You’re trying, it’s easier said than done. You smile at him as he pushes inside you. It takes your breath away, you feel like your lungs have just been emptied. He is big, bigger than anyone you’ve been with before. He rests there for a second moving his hand away and sucking in breath of air. You clench around him which makes him moan, a deep moan from the back of his throat that has goosebumps rising on the back of your neck. You relax for him, letting him get used to your body.

“Okay?” he asks, looking at you. You smile and nod. He reaches down to kiss you as his hips start thrusting. It takes a few seconds for you to get used to it but before you know it you’re panting into his ear. There is nothing going on in your brain now, your body moves with him as he whispers in your ear, his voice low, vibrating as he tells you how much of a good omega you are for him. With each thrust it feels like he’s going quicker, hitting you deeper. It burns but in a good way as he’s stretching you out, hitting a deep spot inside you that has you moaning into his neck.

You don’t know how long you’re going to last. You clench around him in an attempt to slow your drive to the edge down. It feels too good and you don’t want it to stop. He moans and pants in your ear which make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. You wish he could claim you now, then you would be his, all his. The thought makes you shiver, tightening around him as your hands grip his hair.

“I know, I know you’re close,” he says between breaths. “Just cum for me, it’s okay.”

It’s like music to your ears. Your brain doesn’t comprehend it but your body does, moaning out his name as you come, clenching around him. His thrusts slow as the smell of his alpha fills your nose. It makes you dizzy, all you can focus on is his throbbing cock inside you. Maybe he’ll knot you, maybe he won’t be able to help it. He doesn’t though after a few seconds of panting his breathing goes back to normal and you feel him pull out of you. You feel empty all of a sudden, he lays down on the bed next to you turning and propping himself up on his elbow so he can look at you.

There’s a chill in the air now as you come down from the high. You look at him and he smiles. You wonder what it’s going to be like when you’re in heat. Will he be as gentle? Probably not. You smile back at him as his thumb comes up to stroke your cheek.

“Was it good?” you ask, feeling self conscious all of a sudden.

“Amazing,” he chuckles, and it makes you blush. He wraps his arms around you pulling you up against his chest. You can hear his heartbeat as you yawn. Your body feels heavy, eyes tired. You let out a long breath, the smell of leather and wood is heavy in the air. The smell of a satisfied alpha. You did that, you satisfied your alpha. You close your eyes, relaxing up against him. You don’t know how long it’s been but you feel like you’re just about to fall asleep when he moves. You open your eyes watching as he goes into his wardrobe.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” you ask, sleepy.

“A few. It’s hard to keep steady relationships when you travel so much,” he says. You watch as he pulls on boxers and a shirt. He comes over with a towel in his hands, you’re not sure what he wants but then you feel the slick between your legs, taking the towel from him.

“Want me to get you some clean clothes?” You sit up looking round the room. You shake your head, you put fresh clothes on a few hours ago after you spend 40 minutes scrubbing your body within an inch of its life in the shower. He walks round the room and collects your clothes as you swing your legs out the bed, throwing the towel in what you hope is a pile of dirties.

“You can stay if you want?” he says. You look up at him smiling.

“Yeah, that would be nice,” you say. He holds his hand out, and you take it, getting dressed. You skip the sweatpants, you’ll be too hot, especially with another person in the bed. He stands aside waiting for you to get into the side of the bed pressed up against the wall. You climb in, pulling the duvet over you.

He gets in and before you have a chance to lay down properly his arms are already around you pulling your back up against his chest. He’s warm as he nuzzles his face in your neck squeezing you in his arms like he’s worried you’ll disappear. You close your eyes again, relaxing into him. Your ears prick up when you hear the door to the building open. They must be back from killing time wherever they are.

“John, promise me you won’t let anything bad happen,” you sigh, your eyes heavy again.

“I promise,” he replies, kissing your neck. You let yourself believe him. At least you’re not going back to the Professor, and that’s all that matters. John will keep you safe, you know he will.

——————————

John can’t sleep. It didn’t take long for you to pass out in his arms. His head is too distracted though, too much going on too much to think about. Maybe he needs a break, maybe this heat is a good thing. He’ll get to spend a week away from the responsibilities. He should get up, stretch his legs, see if there’s any news from Shepherd. He waits, watching you for at least a few more minutes. Dr. Montgomery told him you needed to keep a low stress level to be able to have a smooth heat.

Now you’re in preheat, it’s even more important you keep you calm. It’s easier said than done, especially with Shepherd still being on the base. John takes his time, slowly slipping out the bed. At one point you murmur reaching out for him. He guides your hand to a pillow as he shuffles out of the bed. His eyes hardly leave you as he moves out the room as quietly as he can.

He leaves the door open slightly going into his office. He walks over to his desk, turning the light on and sitting down. When the PC screen comes on he sees the time, just after midnight. It’s a new day, another long day. He opens the drawer in his desk looking at the stack of paperwork he hasn’t had time or energy to go through. There’s a knock at the door, he doesn’t have time to answer before the door is opened.

“Got a minute?” Kyle says as he walks through the door. John smiles nodding at him. He leans back in his chair as Kyle walks round the desk behind him. His hands rest on his shoulders, pushing his thumbs into John’s shoulder blades.

“How’s things?” Kyle asks. John sighs, relaxing into the familiar feeling of his sergeant's hands on him. He knows Johnny has been taking care of Simon, but he hasn’t been able to find time for Kyle since they moved to Washington and now with the heat coming up, he’s not going to have time for much else.

“I cannot wait for Shepherd to be gone,” John sighs. Kyle hums in agreement.

“How is she?” Kyle asks after a few seconds.

“She’s fine.”

“You’re tense,” Kyle says. “You need to take time for yourself.”

“I will.”

“Yeah? When we’re on a plane back to the UK?” Kyle tuts.

“I’ll find time,” he sighs. He knows it’s a lie but he doesn’t need Kyle worrying. His hands move down to his arms, squeezing his biceps.

“Are you ready for her heat?” Kyle asks.

“As much as I can be. Dr. Montgomery keeps saying my body will know what to do,” he sighs. He trusts her, he just wishes she could give him more information. He knows he has to have a chat with Simon at some point. He needs to keep him busy, that's what Dr. Montgomery said, keep him busy, keep him distracted. Seems like the heat might be the hardest for Simon, never mind Johnny and Kyle who have to take up the role of caretakers.

“Did you pick up the food from the kitchen?” John asks.

“We’re going to get it tomorrow,” Kyle says, his hands moving back to his shoulders. He rolls his thumbs over his shoulder blades.

“Think Shepherd’s going to try anything?” Kyle asks.

“I don’t know. I hope not, the last thing we need is to be shipped off anywhere right now,” John sighs.

“What about Professor Hale?”

“I don’t know. Now that he’s working for the government, that complicates things. Unless we’re all looking to get court-martialed, we might just have to play along with his little games.”

“Do we know where he is?”

“No, they’re keeping that pretty confidential.”

“Think Laswell can find him?” Kyle asks.

“No idea. It’s not easy for her to do anything right now with Shepherd breathing down her neck.” John sighs, he’s tired. He wants to get back into bed with you.

“Go get some sleep Garrick, it’s going to be a long week,“ John says, Kyle’s hands leave his shoulders and he walks back round the desk.

“You too Cap, no use to anyone if you’re exhausted,” Kyle says as he leaves. John smiles. He waits until he hears Kyle’s door close before turning the monitor off and leaving the office. When he walks back into his room, you’re still sleeping cuddling up against the pillow he left you with.

Your scent is strong in the air, a mix of strawberries and vanilla. You look so peaceful, he almost doesn’t want to get back into bed and disturb you. His phone buzzes in his pocket, he takes it out seeing Kate’s name flash. He leaves the room heading back into his office and closing the door before picking up the phone.

“I found him, John,” she says. He lets himself smile for a second,

“The Professor?” he confirms.

“Yes, but you’re not going to like it,” she sighs.

“Where?”

“Seattle.”

Next Dividers by Plum98 & gild-ui rememberwren who proof read and eddited the longest chapter I have ever written. <3

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vidavalor · 3 days

Note

How do you think the Ineffable Husbands reacted to the 1914 Christmas Armistice?

Also, it is autumn now and very cloudy and soggy, so here is a seasonally-appropriate recipe: https://www.hairybikers.com/recipes/view/caramelised-apple-cheesecake

Aw, a recipe! You're lovely. 😊 That looks amazing!

I envy you being in one firm season over there. September is a transition month here in New England. Half-summer, half-fall. It's very strange, though, not terrible. One day is lemonade and watermelon and the next is where's my blanket? and I need an apple something and looking up what day Bake Off starts to air over here. Another week, though, and it'll be pretty much fall from here on out. Definitely going to make that cheesecake. 😊

I think they probably reacted to the Christmas Armistice the same way many of us do when we learn about it-- that it's both beautiful and morbidly depressing at once. It showed people coming together to express a sense of shared humanity but then they went back to killing one another afterwards. It wasn't a new story for Crowley and Aziraphale because they had seen that in people all throughout history but I'm sure they found the same mix of hopefulness and sadness in it that a lot of people do.

The one who understands what it takes to bring about peace now best in the series is actually Gabriel, imho. It's because he understood the deeper meaning of Sandalphon's words that Sandalphon didn't actually understand himself: "you can't have a war without war."

Some short thoughts on ties between war, frozen peas, and one of my favorite of Agnes Nutter's prophecies beneath the cut.

When Sandalphon said: "you can't have a war without war", what he meant was: "Look how clever I think I am to use this word twice in two ways in one sentence! You can't have a war without War: The Character! Mirelle Enos is playing a character that shares a name with large-scale killing and destruction and I pointed it out! I'm so smart!"

Gabriel, though, heard the potential of bigger ideas: "You can't have a war (a large-scale military conflict) without war (people willing to fight in a war and, also, a person's inner struggle leading them to be willing to fight in war)."

Meaning: A war can only happen if people are willing to fight the war.

Meaning: No soldiers, no war.

Gabriel knew Aziraphale heard it like that, too, and was like lol Aziraphale, this guy thinks he's a poet omg let me flatter him enough that he won't notice that I just tried to help you sell more erotica and didn't murder you for having a lover and then we'll get out of here...

Gabriel saying that he "might use that one day" about what Sandalphon says is a line that-- delightfully-- ages quite differently the more we get to know Gabriel.

We know he said it in that moment to make it sound like he was telling Sandalphon that what Sandalphon had said was just so profound that Gabriel was tempted to use it himself... but we also know that Gabriel is neither as dumb nor as vapid as he strategically lets people think he is and that he understood the deeper way of looking at what Sandalphon said more than Sandalphon did.

Looking back on it, it's Gabriel actually joking about mutinying in front of Heaven's most fervent Metatron-worshipping fascist in a way that is very much going over Sandalphon's head. Gabriel is all can't have a war without war-- yeah, true dat, Stasi a Fond. I'm slowly losing it over here and my favorite fantasy is just peacing out entirely of this whole 'Commander of The Heavenly Host' shit and wouldn't that really completely eff up The Ineffable Plan? Oh, my secret daydream... if only I could...

Then, what happens, though, by the end of S1?

Gabriel sees a kid do just that.

The eleven year old spawn of Satan is all yeah, no, you can't have a war without war. I don't want to start a war. I like the world. I've got enough on my plate dealing with my own life-- I don't want to rule over everyone. I want everyone to feel at peace and be happy and take care of each other.

Gabriel was freaked out because of the consequences of this and the fact that he, at the the time, thought The Metatron might kill him for failing to start Armageddon but, after the day was over and Gabriel had a moment to breathe and think about it, you can't tell me he didn't hear Adam saying that it was too much pressure to be in charge of every other living being in existence and he just wanted to chill with the people he liked and live his own life in peace and let everyone else do that, too and think to himself:

Yeah, kid. Me too.

The dude who is told he's responsible for everyone in Heaven and who sees angels falling as partly his fault and whom the humans deify and to whom they make statues was like fucking hell, the little antichrist brat was right.

He realized that it's not about Armageddon, it's about living and building a life until you have all the world you need. It's about what Crowley and Aziraphale have been trying to do and about what he and Beez were as well. Gabriel's proposal to Beez is a simple one:

What if, instead of Armageddon, there was no Armageddon?

What if, instead of war, there's no war?

So, he ended up fulfilling his own prophecy a bit when the one day came when he used what Sandalphon said-- just not in the way that Sandalphon meant it but in the way that Gabriel himself and Aziraphale heard it: you can't have a war without war... no war exists if enough people refuse to fight it.

That's the way to stop Armageddon.

Gabriel came to realize that the best thing he could do as a leader in Heaven and commander of its armed forces was to refuse to fight, come what may. He quits the army and defects to the embassy of the only independent country that exists in the supernatural world: the United States of Crowley and Aziraphale.

As Agnes said:

...the calm cometh when Redde and Whyte and Black and Pale approache to Peas is Our Professioune.

In this case: Redde/Red (Crowley), Whyte/White (Aziraphale), Black (Beez), Pale (Gabriel). To profess: to state. Peas = the talking of frozen peas because homophone: peace.

The calm cometh when Crowley, Aziraphale, Beez and Gabriel talk and each get closer to their own peace and to peace with one another and help each other to spread that mentality throughout all those willing in Heaven and Hell and Earth.

That's what you feed the other ducks-- your frozen peas. Your own stuff that is disturbing your own inner peace and creating inner wars and small-scale conflicts that, if left unchecked, can build into larger-scale ones.

If you break that shit down and talk about it, there needn't be any war.

Sometimes, it means shedding some armor, keeping an open mind, and admitting that you were wrong-- all things that can be difficult...

...especially for those are secretly tender-hearted but put up that armor to survive in worlds steeped in toxic masculinity...

...and, sometimes, it's maddening because people are scared and get set in their ways and do dumb shit and you have to upend power structures and reinforce more positive behaviors to get them to shut up long enough to start listening to one another...

...but the more who learn to unlearn the harmful stuff at the core of their own struggles and who open their minds up to listening to others, the more we're professing our peas to our fellow ducks and getting closer to peace within ourselves and within the world as a whole and that's what it's all about. It might always be approaching Peas is Our Professioune rather than a perfectly peaceful world but the point is the effort of the approach and to just keep making steady progress as much as we can while we're walking the Earth. After all...

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens meta #good omens 2 #good omens theory #the archangel fucking gabriel #lord beezlebub #ineffable bureaucracy #sandalphon #pepper good omens #adam good omens #the them #agnes nutter #good omens analysis

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queen-of-the-avengers · 3 days

Text

Dangerous Liaisons

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.5k

Warnings: angst, prison!loki

Summary: You do your best to make sure the prisoners of the prison you work at get the utmost care that you can give them. The prison gets a new inmate, one that you see yourself connecting with.

Squares Filled: prison au (2021) for @lokibingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are greatly appreciated <3

You leave the prisoner’s cell with a heavy sigh. Most of the time, you like your job because that means you’re healing people but not when they try and kill you, too. This American prison is one of the worst in the country because it houses the worst of the worst, the most dangerous individuals known to man. Your brother often tells you that you should quit and work in the hospital he works at, but you actually like it here as weird as it sounds.

Some of the prisoners are a menace that makes you want to quit your job, but there are other prisoners who think of prison as a rehab and try to get better. They’re still the most dangerous men due to the nature of their crimes, but at least they’re trying to become better.

You’re here to nurse anyone back to health because believe it or not, there are a lot of stabbings that happen here. You do your best to take care of the inmates as much as you can without letting the job affect you that much. Mental health is just as important.

You walk back to your station in the middle of the prison where the other nurses are gossiping. You try not to participate in the gossip especially when it comes to the other inmates, but it’s hard not to when you work so closely with one another.

“What are you two whispering about?” you ask.

“Did you hear? We’re getting another inmate.”

“Really? Aren't we at capacity?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Who is it?” you ask.

Neither women know the answer to that. All they know is that he is probably the worst of the worst, and that’s saying something. It doesn’t take long for the new inmate to get here, and you’re looking out the window for him. A herd of guards walks down the hallway with the new inmate stuck in between them. You gasp when you see the prisoner. You know who that is. You’ve seen him destroy New York while you were safe in your house in another state.

Loki’s chains connect his ankle handcuffs and wrist handcuffs, only allowing him enough room to take a small step forward. He has a metal muzzle on his face, covering just his mouth. He can use magic so they thought putting a muzzle on him was best to keep him from using it. He doesn’t look bothered about being here but maybe he’s really good at hiding his true emotions.

Loki looks at the nurse’s station and locks eyes with you. Even though there is a muzzle over his mouth, you can see the smirk on his face. His eyes are a powerful blue that gives his expressions away. A shiver rolls down your spine from how intense his gaze is. You’ve met and been with men who knew how to take your breath away, but never has someone been able to do that just by looking at you.

Plus, it doesn’t help that he’s extremely good-looking.

From what you can see, he has cuts and bruises on his face from what, you’re not sure. The guards take Loki to the most secure prison cell in the place. The place had been under construction for a while, probably getting Loki’s cell ready. The warden walks into the nurse’s station and approaches you.

“Consider him your new patient.”

“What?”

“I don’t want anyone else but you with him. You’re the best nurse I’ve got on staff, but don’t tell the others,” he jokes.

“Oh...kay,” you say slowly.

“Don’t worry about him hurting you. We have taken extra precautions to ensure everyone’s safety. There are guards in place if the chains fail, but they won’t. Tony Stark made them.”

“Do you need me to do it now?”

Preferably within the hour. We don’t want to give him an excuse to be let out.”

You go as soon as you can just so you can get this out of the way. You don’t know Loki, only what he’s done, but you know more than most that your actions don’t define who you are. Look at some of the prisoners here. They know what they did was wrong and are trying to better themselves for it even though they may never be released from prison.

You gasp when you see Loki chained up like some animal. The muzzle is still on his face and a chain is hooked to the chain connecting his arms and legs. That chain is connected to a hook on the floor so he can’t escape. Loki is a magical being that is over a thousand years old (yes, you did research on him). If he wants out of the chains, he’s getting out. Why isn’t he? Why did they let him take him? The other inmates have free roam in their cells but Loki is chained to the ground.

How is that fair?

You walk up to Loki and look into his blazing blue eyes. They’re like oceans. He looks like he’d be the quiet one even without the muzzle on.

“Hi, my name is Y/N. I’ll be your nurse. I’m here to clean you up and make sure those cuts aren’t going to get infected.” He doesn’t say anything, obviously. “I’ll be by every day to make sure your wounds aren’t infected and to check your vitals to make sure you’re not sick.”

You roll over a table and put your first aid kit on it, pulling out the things you need. You use a cotton swab to clean up the blood around the edges of the wounds before dabbing a paper towel on the wounds gently. He doesn’t seem to be in pain and if he is, he doesn't show it.

“Let me tell you a little bit about me so you’re not uncomfortable with me. I started working here about six years ago. It’s not always the best but I love what I do. My brother who is a doctor wants me to work in his hospital but I don’t think I’d ever leave here. When I’m not working here, I like to do ceramics. I have a kiln at home where I make my own bowls and other little sculptures. I don’t need the money but I like to sell them. People seem to like it.”

Loki has a twinkle in his eyes as he listens to you ramble. You do that when you’re nervous, and he really makes you nervous. You continue to ramble as you clean his wounds, finishing in just over an hour later. You leave his cell and return to the nurse’s station in thought. You did minor research on Loki when he attacked New York, and you set a reminder to do some more when you go home tonight. It doesn’t matter what anyone at this prison has done. No one should be locked up like an animal. Your coworkers don’t share the same views as you, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

When you return to work the next day, the first prisoner you see is Loki. There are guards located outside of his cell twenty-four-seven but you don’t think Loki will escape… maybe. You walk to his cell but the guards don’t move from their spot. Each prisoner gets an hour of your time each day with the more severe cases getting an extra one. They like Loki to be last so that you can focus on everyone else and not give him special privileges, but there is no way you’re putting his health risks below others.

“Excuse me.”

“We can’t let you enter.”

“What did you just say?”

“The warden said--”

“I don’t care what the warden says. My job is to take care of prisoners with wounds, and Loki has several cuts not only to his face but upper chest. Cuts that if left untreated will get infected causing him to be sick and possibly die. Even if he didn’t have anything physically wrong with him, you have him locked up like some animal so he isn’t getting exercise. His muscles will start to atrophy. Now, do you want me to report that to the warden or do you want to step aside and let me do my damn job?”

Both guards look at each other before stepping away from the door. You lift your nose up and yank the door open before walking inside. Loki looks up when he sees you and almost smiles at the determination on your face. You roll the same first aid cart over to Loki and remove the bandages to check on his wounds.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. What was I supposed to say to them? It’s not right how they’re treating you.” You grab more cotton swabs and wipe away the leakage that’s expected to come from the wounds. “Anyhow, aren’t Gods supposed to self-heal?” You pause. “That’s what I hear you are. You and Thor. Gods. Norse Gods, actually. Sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous. You make me nervous.”

You grab the stitches to stitch two wounds together since they are deep enough to leave a scar if not properly healed.

“I read about you when I got home last night like some stalker fangirl.” Your eyes widen. “Which I’m not, by the way. I just… I saw what you did to New York on TV. I know what you did in Germany.” His eyes grow sad. “Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re as bad as they say you are. We all make mistakes, right?”

Of course, he doesn’t answer. You take your time in stitching up the two wounds before cleaning the rest of them and putting bandages back on them. Next, you check to make sure the restraints aren’t on too tight because you’d hate if you were the one being restrained and it was uncomfortable.

“Are you uncomfortable?” you ask. He shakes his head in response. “Have they brought you any food?” Another shake. “Are you hungry?” This time, he nods. “Okay, I’ll be right back with something to eat. Any preferences?”

Your joke makes the edges of his eyes crinkle. He’s smiling underneath his muzzle. That’s a good sign, you think. You leave and head to the cafeteria to get a tray of food for him. You sneak in one or two extra items just because you’re feeling generous. The door to the kitchen slams open and the warden walks in with fire in his eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“No, what do you think you’re doing? Are you keeping food from Loki? He deserves to eat.”

“A monster like him doesn’t deserve that. Plus, he’s not even human.”

“If he doesn’t eat, he’ll die,” you glare.

The warden shrugs as if that doesn’t bother him. He looks at the tray in your hands before leaving. You roll your eyes and continue filing the tray until you have more than enough for him. The guards don’t give you any trouble when you return back to Loki’s cell. He looks up and sees the food. He has to admit, he is hungry but he doesn’t think he’d accept any food if it didn’t come from you. You two have only known each other for less than two days but he feels a sort of connection with you that he has never made with a human.

You roll the first aid cart over to you and clear off the top before putting the tray there. With both hands free, you reach up and touch the clasp of the muzzle.

“I’m going to take this off now. I don’t think it’s right that they have this on you like some kind of animal.”

You remove the muzzle but Loki still doesn’t say anything. Since his hands are chained, you have to feed him but he doesn’t seem to mind. You take your time and ramble on about the different sculptures you’ve made, momentarily forgetting where you are.

“I’m not gonna put this back on,” you say about the muzzle once Loki has finished everything you brought to him. “Like I said. I don’t think it’s right.” With the muzzle off, you can see the hint of a smile on his face. Loki shifts and you look at the restraints on him. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m going to loosen your restraints just a little. They look tight.” You use the master key and loosen his restraints, allowing him some more room to stand properly and move about. “Is that better?” He nods. “I’ll be back later with more food and to check to see how you’re doing.”

You take the empty tray and leave his cell. You spend more time checking on the other prisoners than you’d like only because two of them got into a stabbing match in the courtyard. After you get done with them, you go back to the nurse’s station to grab some snacks from your lunch box. It’s better than eating that slop in the cafeteria.

You’re the last one left in the nurse’s station since all the others have gone home for the day. You have more patients than the others because most of them request you to fix them. It doesn’t matter what someone did, you’ll treat them the same way you treat everyone else. It’s better for your conscious.

All of a sudden, the lights go out in the station only for bright red lights to replace them. Alarms echo down the hallway, and most of the prisoners become erratic from the sound. Someone has escaped. They only put those alarms out when someone has escaped from their cell. It better not be Jacobson. He has a habit of finding new ways to piss off the warden.

You continue putting food on the tray when you feel a breeze a your back. The door is open. You look up and see a figure standing behind you through the reflection on the window. That’s not Jacobson. For one, he’s a very lanky short man. The man behind you is tall… very tall. You’re frozen in fear because you have no idea who is behind you. If he wanted to, he could kill you without a second thought.

“Hello, darling.” The man steps underneath the red light and you see those piercing blue eyes. You turn to face Loki as he walks closer to you. His voice is much deeper than you thought it’d be… much more raspy. You must have loosened the restraints too much. He reaches out to you and tucks your hair behind your ear. “Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.”

“I’m not scared,” you say truthfully.

“Good girl,” he grins. “I wish I could stay but I have somewhere I need to be. Believe me when I say I’ll be back.”

He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your cheek. Just like that, he’s gone. You believe him when he says he’ll be back. Funny thing is, you’re kind of looking forward to it.

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loveesiren · 24 hours

Text

Doing It All For Us (Pt. 8)

Masterlist

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: (I apologize for the bad gifs, I'm reposting but I can't find the ones I used before 😭) Y/n gets the help she needs before her and Rafe start a new life together.

Warnings: Drugs, psychosis, mental health, self harm, and surprises, ya'll know me by now.

Word Count: 5.7k+

You moved your food around your plate as you listened to Topper, Rafe and Kelce discuss baseball. You couldn't be bothered to eat.

Rafe knew you were craving drugs. He knew you too well. You couldn't hide it from him. So, of course, he became annoyingly overprotective. He didn't leave you on your own for long.

You didn't want to be at the club right now. You hadn't showered in four days. You were still in the same old t-shirt you borrowed from Courtney. Your hair sat in a messy bun on your head and you had no make up on. Thank God you had at least drowned yourself in your Juicy perfume.

Rafe dragged you to the club, forcing you to eat and socialize. But you didn't even try. You sat there, obviously unhappy, just bringing everyone else down.

Rafe ran his fingers over your leg and smiled at you. You attempted to smile back but it was just pitiful. Topper and Kelce were staring at you with worried looks.

"Baby-"

"I'm gonna go smoke." You said, standing up and heading towards the door.

"Do you want me to-"

"No!"

You walked across the street from the club and sat in the grass. Lighting up an American Spirit, you laid back and watched the clouds move above you.

"What's going on with her, dude?" Topper asked Rafe.

Rafe was on the verge of tears but he held them back. "I-I don't know. I mean, a lot is going on but she won't talk to me. She just sits in silence and barely eats..."

"Maybe Courtney could get through to her?" Kelce asked.

Rafe shakes his head. "She tried. Court says she's gone through this before. Told me not to leave her alone for too long." He said as he looked out the window. He noticed you weren't where you had been moments ago. He stood up quickly and walked outside. "Y/N!" He yelled as he looked around for you. You were gone.

Rafe ran back inside, panicking. "She's gone!" He told Topper and Kelce.

"What?" Topper asked as he stood up, throwing some money on the table.

Rafe ran his shaking hands through his hair as his eyes began to swell with tears once again. "We gotta find her, man!"

The boys ran outside and piled into Rafe's truck.

You heard the sound of a bike approaching you but you didn't turn to look. You just kept walking lazily down the side of the road, dragging your cigarette every now and then.

"Hey, Princess!" You hear Barry say as he pulls up next to you. You sigh and turn to look at him. "Where's Prince Charming, huh? Lettin' you walk all alone out here. Never know who might swoop you up!" He laughs.

You just stare at him, too tired to say anything back. You can feel the bags under your eyes. Your face felt heavy and your body was weak from malnourishment.

"Shit..." He says as he examines you. "You look like you need a fix, am I right, Princess?"

You nod.

"Hop on," He says. He doesn't even offer you his helmet but you don't care. You climb on the back of his bike and wrap your arms around his waist. He drives off towards his house.

You know Barry was a bad guy. He'd probably want to take you back to his place, get you high, try to get in your pants. But you just didn't care anymore. The voices in your head were eating you alive.

Worthless. They don't really love you. Burden.

The words play over and over again in your head as you watch the trees pass by.

"Here we are," Barry says, helping you off the bike. "Come on, I'll fix you up."

You follow Barry inside. You scanned his house, noticing the few people that laid lazily on his couch, obviously doped out of their minds.

"You ever freebased?" Barry asks as he sits down at the kitchen table, sprinkling coke over a piece of foil.

"Yeah." Your voice was weak. You sat down across from him as you watched him prepare the foily.

He slides it over to you with a tooter and a lighter. You bring the tooter to your lips and light the bottom of the foil. You inhale the smoke slowly, feeling an instant buzz.

Barry smiles as he watches you. "Damn, you go harder than Country Club!" He laughs. "I ain't ever seen no Kook Queens up in the trap house smoking foilies!"

"I'm from LA," You tell him, feeling a little more talkative now that your buzz was hitting.

You hand him the paraphernalia. "That's all you, Princess. Go crazy." He said, waving you off.

You chuckle, bringing the tooter back to your lips to smoke more. After a bit, you were on Cloud 9.

People began drifting in and out of Barry's house. He'd sell them drugs, talk to some girls, then come back and sit with you, continuing to fix you up with the makeshift crack.

"You wanna shot, Princess?" Barry asks as he taps your arm with a bottle of whiskey.

You take it from him and quickly chug as much as you can before you get back to making your foily. You were really feeling it now. You hadn't been this high in a long time.

"Ayo, Y/N!" Barry says, snapping his fingers in your face.

You snap up to look at him. "What?"

"Chill, girl! Have another shot, you need to relax."

You eyed him for a moment as your nose twitched, but you took the bottle and chugged more.

"You really love that kid?" Barry asked you.

"What do you mean?"

"Rafe," He said. "You was bout ready to kill me for his ass!" Barry chuckled.

Rafe. Rafe. The love of your life. The only person that made you feel at home. You had left him at the club. You looked around now, realizing it was dark out and Barry's house was full of people getting high as fuck. Music was blasting way louder than you realized and you could feel your anxiety start to rise.

You snap out of your trance and look back to Barry. "Yeah. I do." You said confidently.

Barry smiles. "You know, for a Kook, you're not half bad. Country Club's a lucky man."

You look up at him with your devil eyes. The one's that came out after you'd drown yourself in substances. The eyes that showed who you truly were under your make up and jewelry. The psychopath.

Barry eyed you for a moment, looking almost scared. You offer him a small smile, hoping to convey that you were fine but knowing deep down you probably looked crazy.

Barry offered you a bill to snort one of the lines he just poured out. You accepted and leaned over the table, railing the white powder quickly.

"Well aren't you a sight," You hear a raspy voice say from behind you.

You turn around to see an older man, probably your dad's age. But he looked even older. Years of alcohol and drugs taking a toll on him.

You scrunch your nose up at him as he steps towards you and places a hand on your hip.

"Back up, Luke." Barry said, pushing him away from you.

"Ah, keepin' her all to yourself?"

"That's Cameron's girl." Barry states, keeping you behind him.

"Well I don't see that little shit around!" Luke laughs an intoxicated laugh.

You could feel anxiety rise in your chest. You didn't want to be here anymore. You wanted Rafe. You wanted to go home. You didn't want to be this fucking high anymore.

Barry turned around as he noticed you hyperventilating. "Ah, fuck." He said. He grabbed the whiskey off the table and put his arm around you. He pushed Luke out of the way as he lead you back to his bedroom.

You felt yourself pulled back as Luke grabbed your hand. "Get off me!" You yelp.

Barry turns around and punches Luke in the temple causing him to instantly fall to the ground. "Don't fucking touch her!" He turns and ushers you back to his bedroom.

You were a weeping mess now. Crying and hyperventilating. Barry closed the door behind him and you coward away from him, nervous he was going to do something.

He holds his hands up in defense. "Hey, Y/N, I'm not gonna hurt you okay?" He says. "Sit."

You sit down on the edge of his bed and pull your knees to your chest.

"Hear, drink this. It will calm you down."

You take the whiskey from his hand and chug. Too much crack. You were scared and paranoid. You didn't have your phone or anything. You were stuck in the middle of this party out in the Cut high off your ass and you hadn't talked to Rafe in hours.

"R-Rafe." You stutter.

"Hey, just relax, okay? I'mma call him right now."

You nod your head quickly, taking another swig from the bottle.

Barry paces his small room as he dials Rafe's number. Your eyes flicker back and forth as the voices in your head come back. You put your hands over your ears and shake your head, trying to get them to stop.

You're too high. You're going to die.

"Ayo, Rafe! You need to come get your girl, man!" Barry's voice echos in the background.

The voices became too much and you start screaming.

"Shit, shit! Yo, she's freaking out! Come get her!"

You were practically ripping your hair out.

"Y/N! Stop!" Barry yelled, grabbing your hands and keeping them by your sides.

You continued to thrash around on the bed, shaking your head back and forth violently. You let out another scream.

"Rafe's coming! He's on his way!" Barry yells at you.

You ease up slightly at the sound of Rafe's name but you were still terrified and you didn't know why.

"Listen to me, it's just the drugs okay? You smoked too much. You're okay. I promise." Barry said, trying to calm you down. "Look at me!"

You try to focus your eyes but you couldn't help but shake.

"You're good," Barry reassured you.

You nodded nervously. Barry let go of you and you remained somewhat still on the bed.

Fifteen minutes later, there was knocking on the door.

"Barry!" Rafe banged on the door. Barry opened it and Rafe, Courtney, Kelce, and Topper piled into the room.

"Y/N!" Rafe screamed as he ran to your shaking body on the bed.

"Take me home!" You cry as you throw your body around him. "I don't want to be here."

Rafe held you tighter than he ever had before.

"What the hell did you give her?!" Courtney yelled at Barry.

"Look, I'm sorry-" Courtney slapped him, cutting him off from his sentence.

Barry nodded, knowing he deserved it. "She freebased a bunch of coke, man. Just get her home."

Rafe wanted to strangle him, but you were more important. He had one arm around your waist and one cradling your head as he pushed past Barry and out to the living room.

"The Kooks are here!" People start saying as Rafe carried you through the sea of junkies that invaded the trailer.

"Fuck off!" You could hear Courtney, Topper, and Kelce telling people to back off. These weren't even Pogues. They were lower. This house was disgusting and you just wanted to leave.

You knew Rafe was probably furious with you. But he still came for you. You clung to him so tightly as you shook in his arms.

"I got you, baby." He said. His voice was so soft and it calmed you down. "Top, drive." Rafe said, throwing him the keys to the truck.

Rafe pulled you into the back seat with him, Courtney climbing in after.

Rafe placed you in his lap, he forced you to look at him. "Baby girl, you're safe, okay?"

All you could do was sob. Fear taking over your body. "The end," You spit out between sobs.

Rafe holds your face between his hands. "The end? What end, sweetheart?"

He'd never seen you cry so much. Your entire face was bright red and moist from tears. Everyone else in the car was silent as Topper drove.

"My end!" You sob loudly.

*insert my favorite gif i can't find*

Rafe is just staring at you with a puzzled look on his face, tears spilling from his eyes. "Baby, what are you talking about?!"

You quickly grabbed the door handle, swinging it open as you tried to jump out.

"Y/N!" Courtney yelled.

Rafe had his hands around your waist and Courtney grabbed your wrist pulling you back in.

Topper swerved at the sudden commotion but quickly regained control. "Dude, what the fuck!?" He yelled from the driver's seat.

You started screaming again and tugging at your hair again.

"What is wrong with her?!" Kelce yelled.

"Psychosis!" Courtney replied, pinning your hands down. She got on top of you, straddling your lap. "Rafe, hold her still!"

Rafe did as he was told, bawling his eyes out. He'd never seen anything like this in his life.

Courtney decked you as hard as she could in the side of the head and you went unconscious.

"What the fuck!" The boys yelled.

Courtney sat back, letting you rest in Rafe's lap. "Drive," She says.

The car ride was silent besides Rafe's sobs as he cradled your head.

When Topper pulled up to your house, Rafe carried you inside, immediately going to your room and tucking you into bed.

He sat and stared at you, his tears never letting up.

You stirred slightly but leaned deeper into your pillow.

"I need to talk to you," Courtney said from the door.

Rafe looked up to meet her gaze. He nodded. He looked back at you, placing a kiss on your forehead before joining Courtney in the hallway.

Courtney pulled Rafe down stairs to where Topper and Kelce were.

"What the hell is going on?" Kelce asks.

Courtney sighs. "Psychosis. She has episodes when she's really depressed."

———-

You tumbled out of bed and grabbed the knife from you bedside table. You crawled toward your bathroom and locked the door.

Rafe was surely mad at you for going to Barry's and getting fucked up. All your friends were probably about done with you. Your dad was gone. Fuck it right?

You took a small post it note from your counter and wrote out a few simple words. I love you, Rafe.

You stuck it to the counter and sat down.

They are better off without you. Kill yourself. Bleed.

The voices made you cry. You didn't want to leave Rafe but what if they were right? Maybe he was better off without you.

You put the knife to your wrist, tears falling down your cheeks. You force yourself to smile and slice the knife quickly across you skin, far too deep.

———-

"I'm gonna go check on her." Courtney said.

She had explained to the boys what exactly was happening to you. You were spiraling into a deep depression. But not like most people experience. Hallucinations, anxiety, the comatose states. It was taking over your body. You were in a very fragile state and the drugs didn't help.

"RAFE!" Courtney screamed.

Rafe got up immediately and ran upstairs, Topper and Kelce not far behind him.

"She locked herself in the bathroom!" Courtney cried.

Rafe didn't waste any time as he threw his shoulder into the door.

"Y/N!" He screamed, finally kicking the door in. He saw you motionless body on the floor, blood draining from your wrist.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO!" Rafe repeated as he ran to your side. "Call 911!" He screamed as he ripped his shirt off and wrapped it around your wrist.

Courtney was frozen, tears falling from her eyes as she watched you bleed out. She couldn't help but remember the time you'd tried to do the exact same thing in her bathroom at nine years old.

Kelce caught Courtney as she collapsed. Sobbing over the fact she could never make you happy enough to stay on this earth.

Topper was level headed. He called 911. He explained everything that happened.

Rafe was hysterical when the paramedics arrived. They had to pull him away from you.

He climbed into the ambulance with you. There was no way he wouldn't be with you this time.

"Stay with me, baby, please, please, stay with me. I love you so so much." Rafe said as he held your hand.

"You her boyfriend?" The paramedic asked.

Rafe nodded, keeping his eyes on you. "Why couldn't I help her?"

Rafe's eyes scanned your body. You were pale and thin. Your hair was matted and you had circles under your eyes. He couldn't help but blame himself for not taking care of you.

"It's not your fault, kid." The paramedic said.

Rafe pressed his lips to your frail hand, praying for the first time in his life. He asked whatever God was listening to help him build a life you would want to be a part of. He just wanted to know what to do. What he could do to make you happy.

Rafe sat and watched as they once again hooked you up to machines. His angel, his baby girl, his goddess. He would never understand why she wanted to destroy herself.

As frail as you were, you were still vibrant in his eyes. And maybe that's why he hated himself. He thought you were were perfect every time he laid eyes on you. He couldn't see your bones pertruding or your hair falling out of the loss of your voice. Any state you were in, he was completely in love with you.

————–

You opened your eyes, taking in the blinding white walls of the room around you. The fluorescent lighting burned your retina's as you reached up to shield yourself from them. That's when you noticed the pain in your left wrist.

"Ow, fuck!" You examined the white bandage that was wrapped around your forearm. A deep red leaking through the cloth. You furrowed your eyebrows at the sight. You don't remember what happened or how you got here but judging by the placements of your wound, you knew you had done it to yourself.

"Shiiiit," You mutter as you sit up and scan the room. There was a doorless bathroom in the corner, a small desk in the other. You were on a small twin sized mattress that lay atop a metal bed frame. The small window was covered in bars, letting in little sunlight. This wasn't the first time you'd been in a room like this.

"No, no, no, no..." You said as you got off the bed and rushed to the large metal door. You looked out the small window for any sign of someone. "Hey!" You start yelling, banging your fists against the door, completely ignoring the searing pain in your wrist. "Hey, let me the fuck out of here!" You continue banging and kicking the door until someone finally opens it.

You step back as you watch two people enter. One woman in a lab coat, dark hair pulled back, glasses, clutching a clip board. The other, a man, in blue scrubs.

"How are you feeling, Miss Y/L/N?" The lady asks.

"Why am I here?" You ask, staring angrily at her. "Where's Rafe?"

She takes a step forward and you take a step back. "You are here, Miss Y/L/N, because you experienced a deep state of psychosis and tried to take your own life."

Psychosis. You hadn't had an episode since you were a kid. It only ever happened when you got severely depressed.

"You also had a large amount of cocaine and alcohol in your system. You became a danger to yourself and others. After you were treated at the hospital," She motions to your wrist and you bring it behind your back, hiding it. "You were brought here for treatment.

You scoff. "I don't need treatment. I just had an episode. I need to go home. I need to see Rafe!"

"You have been placed on a mandatory 72 hour hold."

"How long have I been here?"

"Six hours."

"Fuck that! Let me out, I'm not fucking staying here!"

The larger nurse steps towards you.

"If you literally step any closer I will fight you!" You spit at him.

"Y/N, we need you to try to calm down. This stress isn't good for you or your child."

"What the fuck are you talking about?! I don't have-" You stop, swallowing your words.

"You are pregnant, Miss Y/L/N."

Your eyes fall to the floor as you try to take in the words you just heard. You slowly turn and walk back to the bed, sitting down calmly.

Pregnant. Pregnant. The word repeated itself in your mind.

"Are you okay?"

You scrunched your face and waved them off, laying down on the bed and pulling your knees to your chest.

"Visiting hours are four to six. Mr. Cameron will be waiting to see you."

You don't respond, burying your face into the pillow and letting the tears fall silently from your eyes.

____________

The clock struck four and you were already sitting up, waiting for nurse to come retrieve you. You'd been thinking for the last few hours about everything. Whether or not you were going to tell Rafe. You had no clue how Rafe was feeling. You'd just tried to end your life. You also got high as fuck. You wouldn't blame him if he wanted to leave you.

You traced the RC that was scarred in your skin and silently prayed he would forgive you. Your other hand traced your stomach. You didn't want to die. You wanted to be with Rafe. You wanted your baby. You wanted to be normal and be happy for your family.

You heard the door click open and you jumped. "You have a visitor," The nurse said, holding the door open so he could escort you to the visiting room.

You walked slowly, fiddling with the sleeves of your sweater. Courtney must have packed your bag. A few pairs of sweats, tank tops, and sweaters. All things the hospital would accept. She remembered what you could and couldn't have in here.

You enter the cafeteria, scanning the room and seeing people sitting with their loved ones. Your eyes landed on Rafe and you breathed a sigh of relief.

He looked up, eyes meeting yours. He slowly stood from his seat, scanning over your body as he tried to accept the fact you were in here.

You couldn't hold back the tears as you ran to him and jumped in his arms. You wrapped your arms around him tightly and you could feel him sniffling into your hair.

"Hey baby girl!" He mumbled, letting his own tears flow. He gripped you for dear life, as if he were to let go you'd simply evaporate.

"Rafe, I don't remember anything." You whisper.

You could feel Rafe try to control his breathing. He obviously remembers everything.

"Sit down, baby." He says, releasing his grip on you and helping your weak body into the chair. He sits next to you, taking your hands in his.

He choked back tears as he felt how frail you were.

The expression on his face broke your heart. Knowing it was your fault he was in so much pain. "Rafe....I'm so sorry..."

He shook his head. "No, baby, no. It's not your fault. I'm sorry I didn't take care of you."

"Rafe, baby, what are you talking about?" You lean forward, tilting his chin up to look at you. "All you do is take care of me. This isn't your fault."

"I just-" He begins, trying to take in a deep breath. "I just want to make you happy. I want to build a life that you will be happy with."

"You make me so happy, Rafe. My head just isn't right. But I'm gonna get it right. For you. For us. For-" You stop yourself. "For us." You repeat.

You hated yourself right now. The way tears spilled out from his beautiful blue eyes. You can't believe you put him through this.

You force yourself to smile. You didn't want to be here. You had absolutely no idea what to do about the news you were pregnant. But if being here could potentially get you some help, you were willing to do so. For him. For your baby.

You climb into his lap, wrapping your fragile arms around his neck. He brings his arms up, wrapping around your waist. His wrist rested on your hip bone, noticing how thin you were under your sweater.

"Did you eat today, baby?" He whispered, already knowing the answer.

You shake your head. "No, but I'll have dinner after this." You promise. Knowing you have to eat for two even though the thought of food made you sick.

You pull back from him slightly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Rafe sighs, the memory of the night prior causing him extreme anxiety, but he nodded his head.

A look of disgust sat on your face as Rafe finished telling you what happened. You were so upset with yourself. You could have reached out for help but you decided to fuck up instead. As you always do. Always afraid of asking for help and just getting high and trying to end it all instead. Even when you were with the love of your life.

"5 minutes," A nurse said as he walked past you.

You and Rafe both ignored him.

"Rafe..." You began, tangling your fingers with is. "I'm going to get better okay?" He was hesitant and you didn't blame him. Rafe was a coke head, yes, but he had never seen this side of addiction. "I'm going to talk with the doctor tonight. Talk about meds and therapy and all that shit. Just please...please don't give up on me."

His eyes shot up to meet yours, almost offended by your words. "I would never leave you."

That's when you realized how fucking shitty you were. Rafe was a coke head. But he stopped for you. He took care of you when you overdosed. When you tried to end your life. He was completely addicted to you. Drugs couldn't compare. He'd do anything just to have you but here you were, running off to the trap to get high and landing yourself in a mental institution.

The nurses announced that visiting hours were over and your stomach dropped. You weren't ready to spend the night without Rafe.

"I'll be back tomorrow," He promises. "I love you more than anything, angel." He said as he pulled you into him and pressed kisses to your head.

"Can you bring Courtney tomorrow?" You ask.

Rafe's face falls. "Uhm..."

"What is it?"

Rafe sighs. "Courtney is, uhmm...she's upset."

You look down. Courtney had been subjected to this before. You couldn't blame her.

"I'll talk to her, okay?" He says, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. You just nod in agreement and he presses a kiss to your lips.

You want to savor the moment forever but it's cut short by the nurses ushering you all back to your rooms. You turn to look at Rafe one more time. He attempts a smile but you can still see the pain on his face.

Once you are back in your room you let it all out. You sobbed loudly as you thought about your actions, how much pain Rafe was in, how Courtney was hurting, how you had a tiny human growing inside you. It was all so overwhelming.

A nurse knocked on your door and you quickly wiped away your tears. "Dinner?"

You offer a smile, walking over and taking the tray of food from him. "Thank you."

You go back to your bed and pick at the food on your plate. It looked disgusting but you knew you needed to eat. You rubbed your belly, knowing the little life you and Rafe created was growing inside you. Suddenly, you didn't feel so alone.

_________

You stayed calm the next few days. You saw the doctor and she prescribed you some antidepressants, ones that wouldn't hurt the baby, you made sure.

She voted against the anti-psychotics, since it didn't seem to be a prominent thing. You knew this last episode was fueled by depression, alcohol, and far too much cocaine.

Rafe visited you every day. You still hadn't told him. You couldn't, not like this. You told him how hard you were trying to get better, and he could see your change in behavior. Being completely sober seemed to improve your mood so much.

After Rafe left on day three, you headed straight to speak with your therapist.

"Hey," You said as your plopped down on the couch in her office.

"Y/N, how are you feeling?" She asks with a smile.

"I'm good," You say, biting your lip and blushing. "Just saw Rafe. I can't wait to get out of here and be with him again." You throw your head back, smiling like an idiot.

She chuckles. "Will he be the one picking you up tomorrow?"

"Yep!"

"Have you told him?" She asked, motioning to your stomach.

You smile and place your hand on your belly. "Not yet. I want it to be special. I don't want to tell him while I'm locked up in here. He'll go nuts. He's a very hands on type of person."

She nods. "How are you feeling about your sobriety plan?"

"I can do it. For Rafe and for our baby. I don't want anything to happen to him."

"Him?" She asks, raising her eyebrows.

You smile. "Yeah. I've been having dreams the last few nights. It's a boy."

Your therapist humors you. Getting through the rest of your session, she makes sure you're all set up with your medication, contact info for any help you may need, and goes over the plan you two worked out for getting back on your feet.

In all honestly, you didn't care. Yes, you were going to take your meds. Yes you were going to stay sober. But you just wanted to get home. You wanted to be with Rafe.

________

You woke up the next morning with a smile. You threw on a clean pair of sweats and a tank top. You tossed your beach waves into a high ponytail. You couldn't help but smile in your tiny bathroom mirror. Rafe would be here soon and you'd get to go home.

All you wanted was to get some McDonald's, go home, make love, and watch movies with the love of your life. You were determined to prioritize your happiness so you could be a good girlfriend and a good mother.

You sat on your bed, clutching your duffle bag. You couldn't help but smile as you tried to be patient for the nurse.

Finally, he came to retrieve you. "Ready to go, Miss Y/L/N?"

You jumped up from your bed and walked out the door. "Yep!"

You walked with confidence, feeling like your old self again. You clutched your bag to your shoulder, running your thumb over the RC on your chest. You couldn't help but smile. Things were going to be good now.

The nurse escorts you out to the lobby, and to no surprise, your blue-eyed, 6'4" boy was waiting for you. You dropped your bag and jumped into his arms.

"Hey baby!"

"Pretty girl," He whispered into your neck. "I've missed you so much."

You enjoyed his embrace for a moment before he set you down and picked up your bag. "You ready to go?"

"Fuck yes!" You say excitedly.

Rafe laces his fingers through yours, trying his best to ignore the bandage on your wrist.

He walks you out to his truck and helps you into the passenger seat. "You hungry?" He asks.

"Mickey D's!" You yell excitedly. Your meds were doing a great job of bringing your mood up.

Rafe chuckles. "As you wish, angel." He closes your door and runs around the truck to hop in the drivers side.

Rafe pulls into the drive thru, ordering you nuggets and fries and a McFlurry, of course. He orders himself some food too and he parks in the parking lot.

The two of you giggle, throwing fries at eachother and sharing food. Just enjoying the moment on this beautiful sunny day.

"So I'm guessing you're ready for a horror movie marathon?" Rafe asks as he drives back to Figure Eight.

"Most definitely!" You tell him. "But...can we stop by Courtney's real quick?"

Rafe bites his lip at your request, but he nods.

Courtney had barely talked to the boys in days. She was traumatized. It was the second time she'd seen you try to take your life. She did everything in her power to make you happy and it was never enough. It wasn't her fault, of course, but she couldn't help but feel like it was.

Rafe pulls into Courtney's driveway. He's about to get out of the truck but you stop him. "Just, give me a minute. Please." You tell him. He's reluctant but he nods.

You hop out of the truck and head towards the front door. You take a deep breath before ringing the door bell.

Helena answers, taking in the sight of you. She held back tears as she pulled you into her arms. She didn't say anything. Just held you tight and rubbed your back before nodding towards the basement.

You offer her a smile and head downstairs. You could hear a movie playing loudly. You turned the corner to the theater room, seeing Courtney spread out on the couch. A plethora of soda cans and snack wrappers littering the table in front of her.

"Court?" You say softly. Almost hoping she doesn't here you. But she does. Her head snaps to you, but she doesn't move to get up.

She reaches for the remote and pauses her movie. "Hey," She finally says. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm, uhm...I'm good." You told her. "How are you?"

She snorts at your question. "Living the dream."

"Courtney, I'm so sorry-"

"Why'd you do it?"

"I-I don't remember doing it. It was a mistake."

"So I'm supposed to forgive you and just wait for you to do it again?" She scoffs.

Her words hurt, but they are valid. "I'm totally sober now, Court. And I'm on meds. I'm really trying to sort my shit out."

"What's gonna keep you sober? Rafe obviously isn't good enough. You should have seen him after they took you to the nuthouse. He was a fucking wreck. I've never seen a grown man cry like that!" She's standing now, yelling at you.

Your face twitches but you bite back tears. "I know. But it's different now."

"How's it different, Y/N?! Please, enlighten me!"

"I'm pregnant!" You say, standing up to meet her gaze.

Her eyes widen, trying to find the words to say.

"Rafe doesn't know yet." You add.

Courtney's lip quivers. She couldn't be mad at you. As much as you hurt her, she loved you more than anything.

She pulls you to her, hugging you tightly. You hug her back as she rocks you back and forth.

You hold each other for a solid five minutes. She pulls back, taking your face between her hands. "You're gonna be such a good mama." She tells you with a smile. And she meant it. As fucked up as you were, you were loyal, and you put the people you loved first.

You beam up at her. She leans down and presses kiss to your lips. "Don't you ever do that shit again," She scolds when she pulls back.

"I promise, Court."

She smiles. "Go, tell Rafe."

You smile back at her. "I'll text you. I love you."

"I love you, too." She smiles.

You run upstairs and out the front door, quickly hopping into Rafe's truck.

"Everything okay?" He asks.

You smile. "Everything is perfect. Can we go back to my place? Watch movies, order food, and maybe take a bath?" You ask.

"That sounds perfect, baby girl." He says, leaning over and kissing you.

You bite your lip and look out the window, excited about your future for once in your life.

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feroshgirlsims · 3 days

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Chapter 4.3 - Dating for Weirdos

Alice feels like her brain has been scrambled. How did she end up on a date with some dude who didn’t think she was worth any effort? Her self-esteem was…well, her self-esteem was in the toilet, but still! She had her pride!

Although, probably not enough of it.

Reasonably, she shouldn’t be afraid. Vlad was not going to lose his shit just because her tone was too sharp, and if he did, she could just leave this date.

Unreasonably, she avoids his gaze and swallows down her rant.

Fucking muscle memory.

“I’m trying valiantly," Vlad says gently.

“What?”

"I want to be the least shit version of myself on this date,” he continues, looking pained, “But even that version leaves a lot to be desired. I’m a difficult sim to be around, and so far, despite skipping my Civil Procedure class today to read a self-help book on using imagination to increase my charisma, I fear I’ve failed.”

Trying and failing is something Alice is pretty familiar with. And Vlad doesn’t lack charisma, per se. It was just kind of hidden behind his aura of “find out even if you don’t fuck around.”

“What was the advice?” she asks, giving him what she hopes is a friendly smile.

“Imagine a better version of myself,” he smirks, “And introduce you to it.”

“Kind of shit advice,” Alice murmurs.

Vlad laughs, and she relaxes, “Ok, so was this the introduction to the newly developed, less shitty version of your personality, or do you have something else planned for later?"

“Usually, I’m better prepared, but no, this mediocre showing is the best I could come up with.”

“I give it a 4 out of 10,” Alice scrunches up her face, “Which makes me sort of concerned about your future as an attorney who needs to sway a jury.”

As soon as the words fly out of her mouth, anxiety pools in her stomach. But Vlad simply throws back his head and guffaws.

“Very fair,” he concludes, wiping the tears from his eyes, “I don’t ever plan to practice law, but even if I did, I’m not worried about manipulating a jury of my peers.”

“Why not?”

“Universally, sims are stupid when they get into groups, and I have no problem lying. The hard part is that I want you to know the truth of me and like it.”

“Oh, I…” Alice jolts at his expression. Even guys she’s really liked have never looked at her with that sort of intensity.

“Ask me a question. Trust me, you'll know immediately if you have any interest in seeing me again.”

Alice hesitates. She could ask something basic to confirm that Vlad is a normal sim, but it’s pretty clear that the answer to that question is no. And the last time she fell for normal, it gave her a black eye.

“If you had any supernatural power, what would it be?”

“Paralyzing sims with fear and the ability to become a sentient mist so I could leave any conversation.” He taps a finger to his lip, “And enough strength to crush someone’s bones.”

“Messy,” Alice giggles. “What are you gonna do with all that bone dust?”

“I’m envisioning crushing their bones inside their body so it’d be more like a hearty stew as opposed to a pile of dust.”

“You would eat them?”

He shrugs. “Waste not, want not.”

It is an absolutely wild answer. Alice flashes him a grin. “The power to turn sims into mushy take-out meals. Got it.”

“And what about you?”

“I’m not turning sims into bone soup.”

The corner of his mouth tilts up. “You can't. As we’ve discussed, that power has already been taken. Might I suggest flight or rotting someone’s flesh with the snap of a finger?”

Alice laughs, and just like that, her appetite returns with a vengeance. “I like the true you,” she says as the waitress sets down Vlad’s order.

He smiles and begins dividing everything in half, shoveling it onto an empty plate that Alice didn’t even notice was on the table. He slides it over to her. “I’m relieved. Now, the pancakes are to die for and I promise no sims have been harmed in the making of this food.”

PREV | NEXT

(Part 3 of 4)

#ts4 #simblr #The Save File Chronicles #tw past abusive relationship #turning this bad date train back around baby #find somebody who can match your freak #sims 4 story

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storiesbyjes2g · 2 days

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3.170 One more thing

I probably should have waited to have the next conversation, but I figured since we were getting everything in the open, we may as well discuss finding a new house. Besides, she said she missed talking, right? Autumn in San Sequoia is beautiful. It's refreshingly cool in the mornings, and evenings, and warm during the day. I suggested we take Desi and hang out in our side yard for a bit. A little while ago, I packed up the yoga mats I had out there and set up a nice outdoor chill spot. It's clear I'm not gonna achieve my yoga dreams, if you can even call them that. We weren't using the space, so I turned it into something we will definitely use. Since Desiree will be walking soon, I'll have to get her some toys and things out here. But for now, she can take a nap under the sun in the fresh air while Sophia and I talk business.

It was a little cool, so Sophia lit a fire to keep the baby warm. I let us enjoy the weather and silence for a few moments before bringing up Alessia's conversation.

"So, ummm, after the memorial, Less told me she wants to move."

"Oh! That's great. So she's gonna live in your dad's house then?"

"No."

"Oh. So you're gonna help her find a place?"

"Yes, but not exactly what you're thinking."

She gave me that "Watcher, here we go," face, and I knew I had to sweeten this deal even before I presented it.

"Dub and Maia live in a duplex. They live on one side and rent out the other. I think a situation like that will be ideal for us. Less will be right next door if something happens. We'll share a backyard so the kids can grow up and play together. It's perfect for us. And if Less ever wants to move out, we can rent it to another family and have another stream of income. It's a win win for all of us."

"Wait," she said. "You want us to move? We just got here!"

"True, but things change. It's no big deal. We'll still be in San Sequoia. Just another neighborhood."

"But I love it here," she said. "We spent so much time and money making it our own. Luca, you proposed to me here! I gave birth here! This is my home!"

Sometimes I forget Sophia lived in one place for a long time. Plus, she's a lot more sentimental than I am. This house is the sixth home I've lived in. Moving is no big thing to me, even though this particular home is special to me too. I dreamed about living here; I longed for it. But life hasn't turned out how we thought it would, so my priorities are different now. While I could accomplish my goals perfectly from here, I'd be more at ease somewhere else.

"I understand. We've had lots of great memories here. And I know you're concerned about me being too involved in Less' life, but I think the best way to minimize my time away from home is to have her as close as possible. I promised Mama I'd look after her, Sophia."

She let out a looooong sigh and sat in silence for a bit. I wanted to know what went on in her head, but I knew I needed to let her work it out within herself first, so I waited until she was ready to continue.

"What about this house? What will happen to it?"

I honestly wasn't too keen on selling it. I worked really hard to get it, and I didn't want anyone else to enjoy the fruit of my labor.

"We'll keep it," I said, hoping we'll be able to afford to buy a new house without selling this one. "Less won't need us so close forever. This duplex situation is just temporary, so we can come back here when it's over. Maybe we'll rent it out while we're gone."

Sophia winced at that idea.

"Or it can just sit here until we come back," I said.

She nodded and sighed.

"I don't want to move," she said. "I don't think it's necessary. But everything you said makes sense. I do want Desi to be close to her cousins. The thought of her having easy access to them sounds nice. And I know how much you love your sister."

"Thank you. I'm sorry we have to leave here, but I really do think this will be good for all of us."

#ISBI challenge #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #adolting #adolting gen 3 #luca winston murillo #sophia aguilar #desiree amari murillo

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nicka-nell · 2 days

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Pairing: Suna x reader, Semi x reader, best friend Atsumu x reader

Note: Rockstar/Band-AU, angst, hurt, mdni, SMAU, text part

Addition: Hi you all! I had a lot of fun with this request. This is the end of the mini-smau for now. I would be happy if you tell me if you like stuff like this or if you like a HC in one post more. ☺️💚

Prev | Chapter 8 (END)

It was strange... Suna hadn’t had such a sickening feeling in his stomach for a long time. As if his stomach was spinning, as if he was about to vomit. But it wasn’t because of the alcohol, which he had been drinking almost like water recently. It was because he had seen the photos of you. The fact that he had read the news about you and Semi. Just the thought of seeing you with another man makes him angry. Jealous…

“Shit!” he curses and slumps down on his bed, looking at his phone. At a photo that a paparazzo had taken of you. It’s not really sharp but Suna clearly recognizes your facial features and those of Semi... only that Semi is much too close to you for his taste… And yet you look happy... It frustrates him… Letting out a sigh, he closes the site with the picture, searches for some bars to blow off some steam, to numb his feelings.

- - - - - -

“Semi, Semi Eita? Is that you?” it suddenly slips out of Suna’s mouth as he stands at the bar counter and sees a man who looks too much like the rising idol. The man puts his credit card in his pocket before he stares in Suna’s direction.

It is obviously Semi Eita… How pathetic… Life really wants to punish him even more than it already has. “Suna...” Semi says a little more quietly so that the other party guests don’t turn around and, in the worst case, recognize one of them.

He takes a step towards Suna, standing proud and tall in front of the equally tall man with green eyes.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Semi asks, although he can guess what Suna wants from him. Suna looks past Semi, checking if you are anywhere to be seen. But he doesn’t see you. You’re probably in one of the VIP rooms, or Semi is here alone. But no, why should he go here alone?

As far as Suna could figure out, Semi doesn’t live anywhere near here. So why would he go to a local bar like this if he didn’t live here? You must be around here somewhere. This is his chance. Probably his last chance to talk to you. And even if he has to open every door to every single VIP room. But first he has to get past Semi. Giving Semi a slightly arrogant look, Suna puts his hands in his pockets. “As if... can’t a famous person just go out and party? After all, you’re here too.”

Semi wrinkles his eyebrows skeptically. “But you spoke to me first... so what do you want? Do you want to talk about your ex-girlfriend?” Semi says a little more gruffly, but Suna continues to act nonchalant, even though his heart skips a beat at the word ‘ex-girlfriend’.

“And what do you have to do with her?” he asks in an indifferent tone again, as if he doesn’t already know that there are several headlines about the two of you. Just as Semi is about to speak, the tall man feels a hand on his back and a few seconds later, you are standing next to him. “Eita... Tsumu met an old school friend and wanted to stay a little longer. Let’s go ho-” just as you’re about to finish your sentence, you see Semi’s grim eyes and look over to the front.

Your eyes widen, your mouth is suddenly dry and your hand, which was resting gently on Semi’s back a moment ago, clenches into a fist. What on earth is Suna doing here? It’s been so many months since he kicked you out of the band, but the betrayal is still buried deep inside you. Seeing him brings back all your feelings. His hurtful words, that cold look when he told you that nobody wants to hear your voice and how bad you are. His words had hurt you more back then than being kicked out of the band.

Suna’s heart starts to beat faster. It pained him when he finally saw you again. You may be wearing a face mask and a cap, but Suna would always recognize you, even from several meters away, with dyed hair, tinted contact lenses… He could always spot you. These green eyes look at you with an expression you can’t sort. Suna wants to say something, but he can’t think of any words. He just stands there, rooted to the spot.

“Eita... let’s go home...” you say, a little agitated, and grab his arm. Semi nods in understanding and takes the initial steps out of the club with you by his side. “Wait, let’s talk, please... P-please...” Suna says suddenly, instinctively trying to grab your wrist, but Semi stands between you, grasping Suna’s arm and giving him a serious look. He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t want to make a fuss in front of so many people, just shakes his head before letting Suna go again.

“I don’t want to talk, Rintarou... Never again...” you reply in a cold, slightly hurt tone before walking out with Semi, not looking back in Suna’s direction.

Suna stands there frozen, not noticing the one groupie who approaches him and shakes his arm. “Oh my God, are you Suna? Can we take a picture together?” He doesn’t hear her. There are only two things going on in his head right now.

Atsumu, one of his closest friends, his bandmate was in contact with you all the time. Atsumu knew all the time where you lived, how you were doing… And yet he told him nothing. Suna cannot believe it. He feels betrayed by one of his closest friends. What about the others? Kita, Osamu, Yuki? Are any of them still in contact with you and no one has said anything? Suna can’t describe the feeling inside him right now.

He is angry, frustrated. His whole body feels warm and he can’t think straight right now. He feels like everyone has lied to him, lied to his face repeatedly, and watched him break down internally with a smile on their faces.

They all knew that he regretted it. That he kept trying to talk to you. It feels like everyone has turned their backs on him. Have let him down. “Shit...” Suna laughs in sheer frustration. Is that what it’s like to be deceived? Did you feel the same way back then?

Right now, Suna would like to go into every VIP room until he finds Atsumu just to pick a fight with him. Confront him. But he has no right to do so. Nevertheless, Suna would rather talk to you than to kick Atsumu’s ass. Again something shakes his arm and only now does he notice the fan girl. She looks at him questioningly.

When did she get here? What does this girl want from him? Instead of answering her question, Suna pulls his arm away and starts moving with a somewhat agitated, “Sorry, I have to go.” The girl seems disappointed, but Suna has no time for that.

Without turning in her direction again, Suna storms out of the bar, out into the now chilly night. Everything is already dark, only the faint illumination of the lanterns is still on. He turns to the left, then to the right. But you are not there. His legs instinctively start moving in the hope that he might find the right path. And it seems as if the gods are on his side. Because it doesn’t take long before he spots you with Semi on the other side of the street at the entrance to a small park. Uncharacteristically for him, he smiles faintly when he sees you, studies you and takes another step in your direction. But he soon realizes that the gods are not on his side after all. On the contrary… It’s as if they want to laugh at him.

Yet, he watches as Semi takes your hand, brings it to his still masked lips like a gentleman and kisses the back of your hand before taking a step backwards and pulling you towards him with a spin. Happily, you laugh and land in his arms, nestled against his chest, as you bury your head in the fabric of his jacket.

Your new lover runs his free hand over the back of your neck, strolling forward to your chin to pull your face up in his direction in a tender way. He glances around, but the street is empty. Suna is standing in a dark part of the street, so neither of you can see him. After making sure that nobody is looking, Semi takes off his face mask, slides his long fingers under the loop of your own mask before releasing it on one side and leaning down to give you a kiss that is so loving and gentle.

A kiss that Suna had always given you at the beginning of the relationship. A kiss that he would love to give you again. But instead, another man is kissing you now. Seems to make you happier than Suna ever could have. He knew that it would happen at some point. That you would find a new partner one day. But why now? And why does it hurt so much?

Suna feels sick again. He feels like he has to throw up and at the same time, it is as if he has run twenty kilometers. His chest hurts, he finds it hard to breathe and his eyes... they burn. They feel warm... and suddenly his vision blurs before something warm is running down his cheeks… Are those... tears? Is he crying?

Is he crying because another man is kissing you? No… It’s something else… It is the despair, the realization that he has actually lost the person who was so important to him back then… Still is. The realization that he took a wrong path. That the greed was too strong and he had lost sight of who and what had led him to form a band in the first place, to become successful. And that he had lost sight of the fact that he never wanted to form the band to become a worldwide celebrity, but to watch you shine on stage, blossom and live the dream you always wanted to live, while he supports you from the side with his guitar and vocals. He wanted to see you happy. See you smile and stay by your side.

And now... you seem to be happy… Very much so. However, without him. And knowing that this man, Semi Eita... that he makes you happy in a way that Suna couldn’t, is killing him. He feels like the road that lies ahead of him and separates him from you cannot be crossed. That you are no longer reachable for him, even though you are so close. Suna could stretch out his arm, maybe take twenty or thirty steps to catch up with you, hold you tight… But what next?

Suna looks at his hand, which he had unconsciously stretched forward. It trembles before falling back down, almost numb. He opens his mouth... but nothing comes out. It feels as if someone is choking him. Frustrated, he bites his lip and does nothing more than watch you move away from him, hand in hand with your new lover, until you are no longer in sight. It’s over… And it was his fault. His greed...

“Please... I’m sorry...” he whispers and looks into nothing but the darkness for a few more minutes. To where he saw you. Where he heard your laughter and saw the shining eyes that had unconsciously always made him smile back then. But now it is clear that all of this will remain just a memory for him.

#haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader #suna x reader #semi x reader #suna rintarou x reader

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bethanydelleman · 5 months

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People talk about Rent having problems, I'm sure it does, but rewatching it as an adult who has gotten much, much more accepting of it's content, I think it was absolutely brilliant for it's time. I grew up in a very conservative home, Rent was my first positive exposure to most of the pairings and expressions of queerness contained within and the way it exposed me was so smart.

What's amazing to me is that we have an avatar for the audience in Mark Cohen (like he's literally behind the camera), but unlike other media where he might have taken the audience by the hand and introduced them to all these people who are so different from the norm, he accepts all of them as normal without explanation. He's living with someone who has AIDS, he's friends with a gay man who is dating a drag queen, and his ex-girlfriend is bisexual, he doesn't blink at any of it. He treats his ex-girlfriend's girlfriend like any other ex's new partner, which may not seem radical now but my only other exposure to this situation was Ross on Friends and let me tell you it was not handled well.

I found the same-sex pairings uncomfortable at the time, but the writers gave me a great heterosexual couple to root for and root for them I did, even though they were a current and a former drug addict, both HIV positive, one was a sex worker (and everyone is just accepting of her being a sex worker!) Again, I was brought up very conservative, identifying with that couple was entirely new to me. These were people who I was supposed to accuse of moral failings but instead I just wanted them to find happiness. That is an accomplishment!

Also, the songs are just one banger after another. Honestly.

#rent #personal?#personal #it tricked me into identifying with them all #it made me forget my prejudices #that's amazing #and now looking back it probably helped me get over a lot of them

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orcelito · 1 year

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Ykno the common critique I've seen around is that trimax fights r hard to follow & such. And I've always had the kind of thought of like "I mean sometimes it can be confusing, but if u stop to study it it's really not that bad"

Having a fight analysis post kinda blow up tho I'm seeing ppl comment over and over in the tags about how hard it is to keep up with the fights... and I'm just like. Is it really that confusing? Like genuinely. I thought it was one of those overblown fan critiques but it seems like a Lot of people agree with it.

#speculation nation #in the original manga Yea fights were pretty hard. took me a Lot of squinting to figure out what actually happened with the Nebraskas #but idk most of the fights r just vibes. u follow along and feel what the characters r feeling and the fine details dont matter.#a lot of times i do end up flipping back and forth between pages bc there r details revealed later on that make earlier things make sense #or just looking for clarification. that kind of thing.#so yeah it kinda does take some work to fully understand it but i kinda figured that's like... how manga fights go...#i much prefer this over the common shounen trope of stopping the fight to explain every single move that's done #so im just like 'come ON i already understood it!!! can we keep going already????'#is it the fact that nightow doesnt do this that makes it so confusing??? so ppl dont get the play by play as it happens???#this all probably sounds obnoxious but im just genuinely trying to make sense of it.#i guess im also just a perceptive person when im paying attention to smth. maybe that's what it ultimately boils down to.#one person commented saying theyd kill if i did play by plays for all the trimax fights lol #i probably wont for All of them bc that sounds like quite a project #but if another catches my attention in this same sorta way... then maybe.#i guess understanding nightow's fights is a skill. probably at least partially assisted by being able to read the sound effects.#oh yeah. that's another thing lol. i can read the sound effects. and that especially helps with knowing how many shots there are #stuff like that. 🤔 yea i dunno. i wasnt expecting that post to get so many notes.#but it's well over 400 now and still counting. waking up to 99+ notifications is... an experience lmao

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gojonanami · 3 months

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❝ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑 ! ❞

❝ THE FOUR TIMES YOUR NEIGHBOR TRIES TO HOOK UP WITH YOU AND THE ONE TIME HE SUCCEEDS !! ❞

✧ pairing: uncle! sukuna x neighbor! reader

✧ summary: you had grown up next door to the itadoris, but you never had met their uncle. and for good reason, he had spent the majority of his life in and out of jail. but now he was finally out, and he only had one goal in mind -- getting you in his bed.

✧ warnings: 18+, nsfw, smut, modern au, uncle sukuna, degradation (slut, whore, brat), freshly out from jail sukuna, implied age gap (sukuna probably like late 30s / early 40s, reader is like mid twenties), wet dreams (f!), masturbation (f! +m!), dom!sukuna, sub!reader, dirty talk, oral (f + m), spanking (f!receiving), fingering (f! receiving), sex (p in v), creampie, orgasm delay (f! receiving), implied multiple rounds, swearing, fanart found on pinterest (let me know if you know the og artist)

✧ w/c: 8,939

You were a pretty little thing.

That’s what he thought when he first saw you. And when he saw you smile, his second thought was — how could he have you?

You were the girl next door. Literally. Grew up next to the Itadori family, you watched the brat on weekends, helped around the house after the mom had left, and even slept over some nights in the guest room.

The very room you were in now, pinned underneath him, legs spread as your cunt gushed as if you had been the one doing time instead of him.

“Fuck, girl, did the boys your age not fuck you properly?” He clicks his tongue, the glint of his piercing in the low light of the moonlight that illuminated the barest hint of the room. It was by that light that you could not only see the way his lips curled into a smirk as his hand came down on your needy pussy, but the noticeable bulge in his pants, “g’nna have to fix that,” as he thumbs meanly at your swollen clit, “I’ll have you screaming my name soon enough.”

“Are the cookies almost done?” Yuji asked, rubbing the back of his head, squinting at the cookies through the oven window, trying to make sense of what he was seeing, “sure you’re not burning them?”

“I know how to bake cookies, Yu,” you roll your eyes, as you clean the counters off of the flour and bits of dough and sugar that smeared the surface, “why are you so impatient anyway?”

“He wants to leave before the wrecking ball blows through, and you should do that same,” Choso adds, emerging from his room with a yawn, and you tilt your head, his gaze slides to Yuji, “she doesn’t know?”

Yuji shakes his head, “I thought Dad was—”

Choso glances at you, gesturing to his face to tell you that you had something on your own, before his eyes slide back to his younger brother, “You know Jin can barely remember to tell us, much less—”

You cross your arms, wiping the flour and sugar from your cheek, but you only manage to make it worse, “Can you guys just tell me instead of having an argument about who should have told me?”

Yuji sighed, leaning against the counter, elbow propped up as he held his head up with his fist flat against his chin, “My dad’s brother is coming to stay for us for the summer,”

“Your uncle?” and you miss the way Yuji grimaces at the question, too busy pulling on oven mitts, “Your dad’s great — I can’t imagine your uncle being any different,” you pull the cookies from the oven, swatting Yuji’s hand as he tries to take one off the still burning rack, “you’ll burn yourself, just wait,”

Your own family was scattered here and there now — and the Itadoris had been like your own family as you grew up — Jin was like a second dad to you, he had always looked after you, even after you had graduated from college. The quiet man didn’t say much but he did a lot, and you couldn’t imagine his brother being much different.

And then the door swung open, a large man caught in the backlight of the summer sun, casting a long shadow across the entryway made your breath stick in your chest as if it was where it belonged — pinned under his mere presence.

“Looks like you’ve done nothing to change the place, did you?” He takes a step or two in and finally his body is cast into view — tattoos bound like ribbons against his skin, muscles are heavy cords that look more monstrous than human — as no human should be as hulking as he was. But that was nothing compared to his face itself — black tattoos lining both sides of his face in an intricate pattern that stole your breath from your lungs, while his eyes were black holes that cut right through you than at you, a flicker of flames burning underneath, “tch, brat, take my things up—“ he tosses the duffle bag slung over his shoulder at Yuji who catches it with a glare, before his gaze slides to Choso, “and he’s still here?”

“Don’t be rude to my son and his brother, Sukuna,” Jin sighed, entering behind him as he shut the door, “Choso is welcome, and don’t forget you’re a guest here,” he takes the bag from his son, and takes it upstairs instead.

And Sukuna’s gaze finally falls on you. It’s heavy, the sharp tip of a sword tracing every inch of your body as it circled its weak points — his eyes lingers on the curves of your body — and perhaps the points he liked too.

“And who’s this?” he jerks his head towards you gruffly, as if you couldn’t answer yourself.

You say your name, “I’m their neighbor,” and he nods, eyes darting to Choso, his body growing tense, as he gritted his teeth, but Sukuna was only all smiles, he took steps forward. You can’t help but avert your gaze, as he approaches, fingers outstretched, a slight flinch but it’s gone soon enough.

You glance up, and find him taking a bite of one of your cookies, tongue darting out to lick the chocolate from his lips, “sweet,” he devours it, “not bad, brat,” and he leans close again to grab another, “but probably not as sweet as you.”

And your eyes widen, as he bears no reaction, except for a small smirk that graces his lips, as he follows his brother upstairs, “You better not be fucking around in my things,”

You don’t hear Jin’s reply, still utterly consumed by what just happened.

“You okay? He’s just like that,” Choso murmurs, “he won’t bother you, I promise,”

“No, no, I’m okay,” your lips curl in an offer of reassurance, but you’re sure it falls flat, as your eyes glance back at the stairs.

And that was your first time meeting Sukuna.

But far from your last.

The next time you saw him was at a summer barbecue the Itadoris always had to kick off summer break. And most of your time was spent chatting with Choso and kicking Yuji’s ass at Mario Kart, until it grew dark, and Choso was stuck carrying a slightly tipsy Yuji inside.

You laid back in the patio chair, scrolling on your phone to the symphony of cicadas filling the silence, the smoke from the barbecue still lingering in the night — and then you hear the creak of the back door open.

“You want another drink, Choso?”

“I’d love a drink, girl,” and your eyes snap over to spot Sukuna, standing with hands tucked into his pockets, a black tank you assumed was several sizes too small.

“Sure,” you say, slipping from your chair, “but we only have the mix for a sex on the beach,” and his eyes find yours, a ghost of a gruff chuckle on his lips.

“Sounds perfect if it’s from you, sweetheart,” and you have to suppress the urge to roll your eyes — he may be nice to look at, but he isn’t smooth, you make the drink in relative silence. Until you sense his presence behind you, your head whipping back to find him looming, your breath caught in your throat.

“Uh—“

“Just wanted to see a master bartender at work, you seem like you really know what you’re doing, with, what’s the drink called again?” And you force yourself to look forward, ignoring the weird mix of his musk and alcohol, with the clink of the ice cubes against the glsd breaking the silence.

“Sex on the beach,” you offer it to him, and fuck, you don’t like it — don’t like him and his smug grin, the way your eyes can’t pull away from his, the way your heart clenched, and the way you wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug smile on off his face.

“Good girl,” he plucks the drink from you, his fingers brushing yours, “want to have one with me?”

And you almost find yourself saying yes, find yourself buckling under the heat of his gaze and the summer humidity that clings to your skin and strangles the sense from your head — and you can’t help but think how nice those fingers of his would feel around your neck—

“No, no, I probably should head home. It’s late—“ and just then the back door opens again, Choso standing in the doorway, “Choso, where’s Yu?”

“I got him to bed. Come on, I’ll walk you home,” and you nod, grabbing your bag with a slight nod to Sukuna before disappearing inside, and you don’t catch the way your best friend glares at Sukuna.

And you don’t see the way Sukuna stares at you as you walk away either.

The third time you meet Sukuna is a few nights later — and it wasn’t for lack of trying to avoid him.

“Can I have some popcorn?” you ask, eyes still glued to the TV, a movie that the two of you had seen a million times before during movie night, “Choso?” you glance over at him, but he’s staring off into space, “hello?” you nudge him, and he finally comes to.

“Sorry, what?” And you sigh, leaning over and grabbing the popcorn bowl, “sorry I was just—“ he shakes his head, “nothing,”

“You’re so convincing,” and you see a flush crawl up his neck, “C‘mon, what’s bothering you?”

You toss a pillow at Choso, the pillow bouncing off his face to land in his lap, the glow of the TV in his dark bedroom giving you enough light to see the glare on his face, “Cho, you’ve been brooding all night — did Yuji call you by your name instead of big brother?”

He scoffs, “I only got upset about that once,” or twice or maybe ten times, “it’s Sukuna. He’s been really grating on my nerves,” and your eyebrows knit together, as you put the volume of the TV down.

“What has he done?” and Choso hesitates, several emotions flicker across his face before a stoic look glazes over his face, as he presses his hand to his lips, “you can tell me—“

There’s a knock at the door, and Yuji sticks his head in, “Hey, Dad has to sleep now for a meeting, so move to the living room,” and you throw popcorn at him, but he only catches one or two in his mouth and leaves.

You sigh, “I should probably just go home anyway, I have to get some sleep,” you glance at Choso, who is fascinated with his floor all of a sudden, “you okay?” He moves to get up, but you shake your head, “just chill, I’ll walk back.”

He opens his mouth to argue, but shuts it, “I’m fine, just get home safe okay?”

You snort, “think I’ll be fine walking the ten feet to my door,” you grab your things, “I’ll see you tomorrow,”

And you close the door softly, turning to head up the hallway and out of the house, bag slung over your shoulder, and you’re turning the corner, when you nearly crash into someone.

A hand curls around your wrist to steady you, “You should watch where you’re going, brat,” and your eyes flit up to find a dark gaze looking back down at you, lips curled in a small grin, “don’t know what you’ll find wandering these halls,”

You pull your arm away, “I’m pretty familiar with these halls and what wanders them,”

“Not all of them,” the low tone of his voice sends a shiver down your spine, as you brush past him, avoiding his piercing gaze, cutting through you with practiced ease, “what were you doing here so late anyway?” You ignore him as you go to grab your shoes, but find them missing.

“Have you seen my shoes?” and he only tilts his head, arms crossed, muscles inked with tattoos that littered up and down, and you knew he could pin you down with barely an ounce of effort.

“Maybe answer my question and I’ll tell you,” and your lips twist into a scowl, as you begin to look around, checking the coat closet, under the couch, “was he really that bad?” And his question makes you pause, “the cursed brat, in bed? Did he not do the job for you?”

You haul yourself to your feet, “What is your problem?”

And his expression is as milquetoast as ever, as if he had asked you about the weather as opposed to asking if you had fucked your best friend, “You don’t have to be fucking sensitive, it’s just a question,” he runs his painted nails through his dyed cropped hair, low light glinting off the black sheen, “unless it was that bad,”

“Fuck off,” you scoff, trying to walk past him but he blocks you, “what?”

“Maybe I’ll help you find your shoes, if you have a drink with me,” and you cross your arms.

“Did you go to jail for stealing? Because with all those muscles and tattoos, I’m surprised you weren’t caught sooner,” and he’s leaning closer, breath warming your lips and your blood alike, boiling under your skin as if he had set you on fire without lying a single finger on you.

“Didn’t take you to be one to admire me, little one, after all, I’m just your neighbors’ uncle aren’t I? Jailbird, criminal, fucking lowlife, right? And his fingers ghost over your jaw, “but I don’t see you pulling away, do I?”

And you aren’t. But why aren’t you? Every brain cell is telling you to fucking run, but your body wants nothing more than to lean into his touch, to give in, let yourself be engulfed by him—

The creak of the door has you jumping back, “hey, you forgot your shoes—“ Choso starts, and his gaze snaps between you and Sukuna.

“Thanks, Cho,” you slip past Sukuna, grabbing your shoes, “i was wondering what I did with them,” you step into your shoes, cheeks still burning as you can’t quite meet your best friend’s eyes, “I’ll see you tomorrow,”

And you’re gone without another word, the silence of your exit hanging overhead as the screen door clicks closed behind you. Sukuna watches you leave, and as he turns he’s met with a glare from Choso.

Sukuna only gives a gruff chuckle, walking past as he lets his shoulder bump against Choso’s, “What are you fucking looking at?”

And now he had visited you in your dreams too.

“S’fucking wet,” Sukuna has you pinned down with one hand, face hovering over your drenched cunt, as he toyed with it, tugging your folds apart to let some of your pre drip onto your bedspread, “fucking slut, you were begging for this, weren’t you?”

And a thick digit sinks into you with little resistance, making your back arch as pleasure rips up your spine, “fuck off,” you manage, between pants.

“I know, brat, that’s what I’m trying to do,” he laughs, as he works a second finger inside you with practiced ease, “like I was made to fuck this cunt open, my fingers are already fucking drenched, and all I’ve done is open you up,” and to punctuate his point, he’s scissoring his fingers to stretch your walls out, dragging against them, as your mouth falls open in a silent moan.

“A-ah, please—“ and he’s grinning now, a purr as he leans down to meet your blown out gaze. His fingers begin to fuck you open, his thumb rubbing against your clit as your body rocked against his hand. And a grunt has you looking at him, only to see him palming his erection, slit dripping with precum, “Sukuna, please—“

“Knew you’d be a good girl f’me, good little slut gonna break my fingers in two,” and his other hand spanks your clit, “now cum,”

And you do, muscles clenching as you do, a cry of his name on your lips that does nothing but stroke his ego, your orgasm soaking his hand. Eyes fluttering open to find him licking your release from his fingers, as his other hand undoes his pants and tugs down his boxers, his cock already dragging against your still twitching cunt.

“Fuck,” you mumble, under your breath, and he only smiles.

“Now you’re getting it, baby.”

And your alarm jolts you awake, you stare at your ceiling, watching the ceiling fan spin, while you glance at your side to find nothing but your comforter beside you. Not to mention, as you shifted, feeling the telltale stickiness of your arousal and the dull throbbing of your cunt, the aftermath of your dream — your very wet dream.

“Fuck,” you say, this time out loud and to no one but yourself. This was going to be a problem, if you let this go on. And you couldn’t. Not after the last time — you swing your feet over the edge of the bed and stand, glancing back at the stain of your pre that you flipped your comforter over — and not after that.

“Have you been avoiding me?”

Yes, you have done a good job. Until now.

You gritted your teeth, as you stood in the doorway of the room. But how could you have avoided him in the guest room of the house he lived in?

And as he loomed in the doorway of the kitchen, dwelling in the shadow of his form, you were kicking the ass of past you, the one that had convinced you it was okay to stay over because Sukuna had been out.

“Had” being the operative word.

It had been a few days since you had found yourself at the Itadoris. And more than a few days since you had found yourself dreaming of Sukuna — waking up with his name on your tongue and your panties uncomfortably drenched. You had gone through more underwear this week than you had in a month. And it didn’t help that you felt the need to get off once you did wake, the ache between your thighs was too much to bear before sleep.

And now here was the subject of your dirty dreams darkening your doorway, as if your dreams were some naughty prophecy waiting to unfold (though you were sure he could fold you).

“What are you talking about?”

And you knew exactly what he was talking about. You had made sure Sukuna wasn’t around when you came over (the absence of his motorcycle is a telltale sign), and always left before he returned. But tonight you made the mistake of drinking with Choso, the two of you finishing two bottles of sake before being completely fucked.

Your head was spinning — you could barely have made it to the bathroom, much less your home. Choso had corralled you into taking his bed, before going and collapsing on his couch. It had been only a few hours into the night before you got up in a haze of confusion with your mouth drier than the Sahara. You pulled yourself up, slipped on thin sleep shorts that you had thrown off at some point due to the summer humidity, before finding your way to the door.

You made your way to the kitchen, the squeak of the fridge as you pulled it open to grab a water bottle. And that’s when he spoke.

“And here you are,” and the water bottle nearly slipped from your grasp, “no need to jump, brat, I’m not a monster or a shadow,”

No, but he’s so much worse, he’s real.

“I was just getting something to drink,” you murmur, and he tilts his head, as he takes a step closer.

“Just water?’ That’s not the kind of drink you still owe me,” and why was his presence so intoxicating? Several drinks in and you could still hold your own, still speak in complete sentences, and even make your way home on foot. But Sukuna comes near, and suddenly you can barely form a fucking syllable, your limbs feel far too heavy, and your body is nearly burning, as if he had turned your blood to wine without any miracle needed.

No, it was more of a curse.

“I don’t remember owing you anything,” and he’s tilting his head, amusement flickering across his lips, a step closer and then another, until you’re utterly engulfed in his presence. You can smell the mix of exhaust and sweat off of him from his motorcycle ride, the way his jaw tenses as if he is holding himself back from taking a bite, and the way his gaze pierces into you as if he has you pinned like a butterfly under glass.

“Do I need to give you a reason?” And when his fingers ghosted over your swell of your cheek, a featherlight brush from rough, calloused skin that makes a shiver roll down your body, “didn’t think I had to with the way you were nearly melting into my touch when I saw you last, girl,”

“I wasn’t the one begging for me to be there,” and he clicks his tongue derisively, and you wonder what else he can do with it, before his fingers grip your chin roughly, forcing your gaze to his.

“Tch, so pleased with yourself just for resisting, are you, sweetheart?” he tilts his head, while his other hand slithers down your side until he finds your waist and tugs you close, lips hanging close, a forbidden fruit begging you to take a bite, “imagine how good you’d feel if you gave in,” and you almost do, melting into his touch, as if you were made to fit in his arms, leaning up so you could feel the warm breath of his welcome—

SLAM!

You’re sent stumbling back again, clearing your throat, as the sounds of footsteps grow close, and Yuji wanders into the kitchen, mouth pulled open by his yawn, as he blinks as he spots the two of you.

“Hey, I thought you were asleep upstairs,” he walks past the two of you to grab a water bottle from the refrigerator, and sparing a short glance at Sukuna, “and I thought you had plans,”

“Plans can change, brat,” Sukuna sighs, his eyes still trained on you — a homing missile with a target, and Yuji was an obstacle in the way, “shouldn’t you go back to bed?”

“I could ask you two the same,” he leaned against the kitchen counter for a moment, while you only shook your head.

“I’m going to go to bed,” your only exit opportunity and you’d take it — there had been enough mistakes made, and you didn’t need another to add to the list, and you’re slipping back into your room without another word.

You don’t see the way Sukuna glares at his nephew, cursing the day of his existence with only his eyes, only gaining a confused stare in return, “What? Ow!”

And you’re only left questioning why Yuji is holding a bag of ice to his head the next morning.

But you knew you couldn’t avoid Sukuna forever — and you couldn’t avoid how you felt either.

Especially when he gave you exactly what you wanted — space. You had barely seen him for the next week, the former criminal making himself scarce, apparently telling his brother that he had grown tired of “rooming with a bunch of brats,” and had found himself another place to stay for a while.

Jin had sighed when you had asked over breakfast a day or so after he left, “I don’t know how long he’ll be gone, but we’ll see. The only requirement of his release was to stay in the prefecture—”

“And that’s already far too close,” Yuji muttered under his breath, earning a sharp look from his dad, “so we don’t even know if he’ll be back huh?”

Jin shrugs, as he sips his coffee, “I don’t know — your uncle isn’t one to stay in one place — unless there’s something that he wants,”

“I’ll take any amount of time that he’s not here,” Choso shakes his head, offering you a small smile, “and this way you can stay over in the guest room now,”

“Yeah, true,” you offered a weak smile, as you continued to pick at your food. This was good news, things were going back to normal, but even so, as you pushed your food on your plate — why did your chest ache so much?

“Yuck, do people’s heads really explode like that?” Yuji sat with the two of you in the living room, TV playing the movie Yuji had chosen, shoveling popcorn by the fistful.

“How would we know that?” you snort, stealing popcorn from his bowl, “why did you even choose this movie anyway?”

“He heard there was a Megan Thee Stallion cameo in it,” and Yuji’s cheeks flushed, visible even in the dim illumination of the TV, as he got to his feet.

“I’m gonna get a drink, do you two want anything?” And you both shake your heads, as you stifle your chuckle.

“You wanna stay over tonight?” Choso asks, and you tilt your head, toying with a popcorn kernel between your fingers.

You shrug, “we’ll see,” your eyes drift back to the movie, but you feel the creak of the bed as he shifts.

“You don’t have been avoiding staying over, even though it’s just us,” Fuck, your eyes still found themselves on the screen instead of him, anywhere but him, and you can hear the unspoken words — even though Sukuna is not here, “are you sure we’re good?”

And you couldn’t tell him that it wasn’t him that was bothering you. It wasn’t him keeping you up at night, it wasn’t him who had been tempting you the last few weeks, and it wasn’t him that you wanted to see — no matter how much you didn’t want to admit it, even to yourself.

So you don’t.

You smile as best you can, “Everything’s fine, Choso,” and he frowns, still unsure, and you know there’s only one thing that will assure him, if only a little, “I’ll stay over,”

And so you end up in the guest room — far too late. Even though Sukuna no longer lingered here, his scent still did, even with the sheet change and the small amount of his things gone, he was still very much here.

And it did little for your sleep. Or maybe too much.

Again, you dreamt of him, his large palms dragging down your sides, lips pulled in a smirk that he pressed to the hollow of your throat before it’s consumed by a flash of canines that pinch and tease the softness of your flesh.

“S’fucking wet,” he huffs a chuckle out, “such a little slut, been wanting this for far too long haven’t you?” And he’s undoing your robe with ease, a single tug has your body revealed to him, “haven’t even laid a finger on you and look at the mess you’ve made,” he clicks his tongue, and a whine parts your lips, “already whining like a bitch?”

He shoves two fingers inside you, a gasp ripped from your throat, thick digits stretching your walls, clenching around the intrusion, “Sukuna—please,”

“Silly girl,” he murmurs in your ear, “I’m not even the one touching you now,” and fantasy melts into reality as his hand cups your chin, eyes fluttering open, “but I know I can make you cum faster than any dream,”

Wait. What?

And suddenly the touch down your body feels all too real, pain ribboning from the fingers squeezing your hips hard, and a gasp as your body trembles, still caught between sleep and reality. Your body can’t move, but it’s not the weight of your own limbs keeping you still.

Your eyes shoot open completely, sleep shed completely from your mind.

And you found Sukuna, his lips curled in a smile that was far too familiar from other sleepless nights. But was it? Or was it another dream that he had invaded, far too real as you slept in his bed, rather than your own.

Your hand reaches out for him shakily, fingers tracing the hard line of his jaw, “Is this real?” you mutter, more to yourself, but he takes it upon himself to answer, his hand darting out to curl around your wrist, squeezing, while the other holds himself up, mattress creaking a divot where his hand pressed in, body heat all too close.

“Want me to pinch you? Can’t say it’ll be the cheek you’re thinking of,” he chuckles, unable to meet his gaze, “don’t go acting like a shy virgin now, woman. You’re the one having wet dreams about me,”

“No, I-I, it wasn’t—“ but your brain is short circuiting and his laugh that rumbles against you tells you he’s enjoying this far too much, “what are you doing here? I thought you left,” the statement comes out far too biting, and he raises an eyebrow.

“I did, but it was just for a week. I had some business to deal with,” and a grin pulls at his lips, “why? Did you miss me, brat? Is that why you’re dreaming of me?”

You’re squirming underneath him trying to look anywhere but him, “I’m not, it wasn’t—“ and he only hums, dragging a hand down your front, until he’s reaching your shorts, a brief pause to see if you’d pull away, but you don’t, and fingers pressing against your soaked shorts.

“That why you’re soaked through your fucking shorts?” And the rough pads of his fingers grind against your eager hole, nearly swallowing you in, only the thin fabric of your shorts keeping his fingers from fucking you then and there, “least your body’s honest — so eager to get fucked,” and he’s teasing your drenched entrance, drawing his fingers back to have your pre like spiderwebs between the two digits.

“Sukuna, please—“ and his lips curl.

“Tell me to stop, and I’ll go,” a small whine left your throat, the throbbing between your thighs growing with the way his gaze undid you — unscrewed you by your hinges and watched you fall apart, only to ask you to put yourself back together.

But you couldn’t. Not without him.

“Sukuna—“

“I didn’t ask you to whine, are you going to answer my question—-“

“Fuck me,” the words fall from your lips as if possessed, and you can’t find it in you to regret them.

And he smiles all the same.

“About fucking time,” and his fingers meanly rub against your clit through the paper thin fabric of your shorts, “didn’t even fucking put on panties and you expect me to think you didn’t want me fuck you open,” and embarrassment burns at your cheeks, “did you get this wet from dreaming about me?” And no words come to your mind, and he gives you a sharp spank to your clothed slit, drawing a sharp gasp to your lips and slick flooding from your folds, “better use your words, woman,”

“Fuck, please, I need—“ and his fingers practically rip your shorts off, letting your cunt gush onto the sheets.

“Need me to fuck you that bad? G’nna beg this criminal to fuck you open?” And he’s toying with your folds, tugging your tight hole apart as his eyes rake over your pussy, exposed for him, “after all of your teasing, what makes you think you even deserve to be fucked? Maybe I should leave you like this, fingers buried in your cunt, wishing they were your neighbor’s uncle’s,” and a sadistic smile graces his features as it only can his, “fuck yourself for me,”

You whimper, as his fingers leave your hole, clenching around nothing as if begging for his touch, “what? But—“

“Fuck yourself until you cum, wanna see what you’ve been doing when you’re fucking me in your sleep,” the absence of his touch leaves you keening and needy, for something, anything to get you off. Want overcomes inhibition, and your shaky fingers find their way to your cunt, fingertips tracing the outer lips, a gasp you barely recognize as your own when you rub against your clit, “c’mon girl, gotta open yourself up for me — think I’ll fit if you just rub yourself like that?” And he’s pressing his clothed erection against your thigh — and he’s fucking big — rock hard cock rubbing against you through damp damp sweatpants.

And his fingers grabs your own, guiding them to your slick hole, letting them slip past your fluttering walls, while his own teased your outsides, “Good girl,” and the praise makes your walls clench, and he’s chuckling, “want to be a fucking good girl, then fuck yourself until I see you cum for me,”

You swallow your whines, beginning to move your fingers in and out, your insides clinging to you, as if begging for something longer, thicker, better — and you knew his fingers would be. A moan falls from your lips, and he clicks his tongue.

“Gotta be rougher than that,” and his fingers curl around the base of your own, using your fingers as a glorified fuck toy. Your head lolled back, as he controlled the pace of your fingers, fucking you hard and fast, reaching places you didn’t think were possible with your fingers, “that’s it, you’re close aren’t you? Like being fucked with your own fingers, don’t you, you slut?” And you’re shuddering, soft cries and moans filling the silence of the night with the loud squelch of your cunt.

“Sukuna, f-fuck, ngh, I can’t—“ and he only begins to rub on your clit with his thumb.

“Yes you can,” he gruffly chuckles, murmuring in your ear as he leans forward, “cum on your fingers like you have every night for me,” and he forces your gaze to meet his as your fingers brush that one spot that has your back arching, “say my name,”

And you do, cumming hard around your fingers, as he uses them to fuck you through your orgasm, the wet noises of your folds growing louder as your thighs shake. Your eyes meet his, glassy with tears from your high, and Sukuna leans down to lick the salty tear from your cheek.

He pulls your fingers from inside you, your sticky cum coating your digits and even dripping onto his own. He smirks as he eyes them, before sliding them into his mouth. A moan pulled from your lips as he sucks your essence clean from them, tongue dragging up the length of your fingers.

“Shit, that was a nice moan,” and his eyes fall back to your drenched cunt, “Still so fucking tight,” he clicks his tongue, Fuck, girl, did the boys your age not fuck you properly? G’nna have to fix that,” as he thumbs meanly at your swollen clit, “I’ll have you screaming my name soon enough.”

he hums, taking in your ruined state — tear stained cheeks, your dripping cunt, and your red ruined lips from biting them, “so fucking pretty like this,” and you hear him shift, the distinct sound of his phone camera, making your eyes snap open.

“No, fuck, no don’t—“ and he’s turning the screen around to show you how absolutely fucked you look, “please—“

“It’s a little too late for that, can’t have anyone buying your little virgin act anymore huh?” he’s grinning as he leans forward, pinning your thighs in place as you try to squirm away, “don’t move,”

His order makes your muscles tense, unable to move your body under the heavy grasp of his hands splayed against your hips. The pads of his fingers dig into your soft flesh, as his lips dare closer to your weeping slit.

“Fuck, are you a virgin though? You’re still so fucking tight even after that little show you put on for me,” and he doesn’t give you a chance to reply, his breath warming your twitching cunt, “either way, you won’t be one soon,” and he’s burying his mouth in your pussy.

You moan, covering your mouth before he sucks on your clit, tongue teasing your hole open, a wave of heat flooding your body. The sounds of his licking and slurping fill your ears — and you wonder how the whole house isn’t awake yet.

You can’t stop your hips from nearly fucking his face, but he spanks your thigh, hard, as he pulls his mouth from your dripping slit, “I told you not to move,” and he spanks your clit for good measure, making you yelp against your fingers, “tell me when you’re about to cum,” and you whimper, “or I can open this door and let the house hear us,”

You nod, but he doesn’t miss the way your slit twitches at the thought, and his mouth curls in a nasty smirk, “such a fucking slut, maybe I will,” and he’s plunging two thick fingers into your greedy cunt, a gasp ripped from your throat at the intrusion, walls fluttering as they attempt to accommodate his digits. But it’s all squeezing and barely any stretch, as his fingers work you open.

And it doesn’t take long to get you worked up, his digits knuckle deep and dripping wet, “gonna fucking break my fingers in two with your virgin hole, girl,” he grunts, your body burning with his touch alone, nails dragging against your walls, curling so they can bully that sweet spot just right, “you’re gonna cum aren’t you?” the telltale squeeze of your cunt tells him so, and you’re nodding, and his fingers slip from inside.

You’re whining, tears burning at the corners of your eyes, “Please, fuck, wanna cum,” the pleasure that had built was throbbing, a dam close to bursting but denied its relief, so it remained, begging and waiting — “please, Sukuna—“

“So you do know how to beg like a good little whore, gonna fuck you again, but you can’t cum until I tell you,” and he’s sinking three fingers into you now, eyes rolling back as your back arches, but he’s fucking you meanly, curling and twisting his fingers, until the pleasure is a tight knot in your belly, barely hanging on from snapping, “wait,” he grunts, and it’s as if your warmth is made for him — or now it was, because he’s made it his, “wait,” and you’re sure he’s reached your cervix somehow, fingertips reaching places you’ve only dreamed of (literally), and then he leans down lips around your clit as he orders you, “now, cum,”

And you do, hard, as he sucks around your clit while fucking you through your orgasm, cum flooding his fingers and face alike, drenching him, even as he slurped and sucked up every bit.

He finally pulls away, a shiver slips down your spine as he slips his fingers from inside you, pink tongue flicking against his lips, still slick with your cum, What a fucking mess you’ve made,” he sneers, but he’s licking his lips clean all the same, “should make you clean up the mess you made, shouldn’t I?” And he’s pressing the pads of his fingers to your lips, you’re too fucked out to fight, lips parting with ease, “suck,” and you do, opening wide to let his fingers inside, lips and tongue curled around the same fingers that had explored your cunt.

He watched as you obediently sucked every drop of your juices off, a trickle of drool slipping down the corner of your lips makes his already hard cock twitch in his pants, and he’s pulling his fingers from your mouth.

“Better than your dreams, huh, sweetheart?” he drags his thumb down your bottom lip, he can’t fucking wait a minute longer, “turn around, gonna fuck this slutty princess cunt from behind,” but you only can watch as he tugs down his sweatpants and boxers alike, his cock slapping against his stomach.

Fuck, he’s even bigger than you had imagined. Mushroom tip red and hard, as pretty veins run up the sides, and he was looking as if he’d not only split you open, but break you all together.

Your thighs quaked at the thought, more slick slipping from your needy cunt — and you wanted him to.

Your knees shake, as you turn slowly, much too slowly his pace, and he grunts, his hands gripping your hips, as he flips you onto your stomach, a yelp leaving your lips as you bounce on the mattress. “have to fuckin’ do everything myself for this whore’s pussy,”

You’re gripping the sheets, nails surely tearing holes in the thin fabric of the sheets, as his calloused palm comes down on your ass, hard, the smack echoing in the silence of the night, a mewl you don’t recognize as your own, “Sukuna, please, I can’t—“

“You can, you’ll take whatever I give you, brat,” and another smack finds your ass again, as he pinches the flesh for good measure, drawing another moan from your lips and another chuckle from his, “and you’ll take this cock too,” and he doesn’t spare you a moment as he presses his swollen, dripping cockhead to your drenched hole, smearing his pre all over your ass — as if to erase any doubt you were his, because there wasn’t — before finally sliding in.

God, fuck.

Your arms were already shaking, barely able to hold yourself up, but your face nearly plants into the mattress as he sinks into you — he was too fucking big. Even all the prep he had given you was nothing, nothing compared to how much his dick was stretching your cunt.

He hummed, as your insides swallowed him eagerly, even with the slight resistance of your tight little pussy, watching as your walls parted for him with almost practiced ease, sucking him deeper and deeper, as if you were made for him. And you would be, after he fucked your cunt to his shape again and again — because this was far from the last time he would take you.

It was only the first.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight — am I the first to fuck this pussy?” he grunts, grasping your hips tightly, your warm, wet pussy wrapped around his dick — he had waited far too long for this, too many nights spent grasping at his cock, thinking how much better it would be buried in your pussy.

“H-hngh, Sukuna, s’big,” you’re nearly babbling as he works himself into you, inch by inch, not even halfway in, and you were gonna cum just from him putting his dick in, “can’t fit—” and he’s scoffing, watching you squirm against his length, but he only continues to fuck his way into your tight hole, another sharp slap to your ass as a warning.

“I’ll make it fit, girl,” he growls — like fuck he was stopping now that’s gotten this far, there was only one way this was ending — and it was with his cock fucking you full of his cum, “c’mon, did the dream not compare to the reality? Did you think I had a tiny dick?” and he thrusts shallowly against you, sending another inch inside your already stuffed folds, drawing a needy whine from your throat, “so fucking loud, you gonna let the whole house know what we’re doing at this rate,”

he murmurs, bending down to your ear, and your walls squeeze around him, a vice grip that has him nearly cumming then and there, but no he won’t, not yet, “fuck, did you think about letting Choso know? Maybe I’d let him watch me fuck you, only way he’ll ever see you like this,” and you whimper as he slams into you, finally bottoming out as his tip bullies your womb, making you cry out against your fingers, “to think the pretty girl next door is on her hands and knees like a slut for me now, getting split open by my dick. What would Choso think?”

You’re whining, “Please, fuck, slow down—” but he only pulls out a little to piston back in, balls slapping against your ass as he does, setting a mean pace, as he chuckles in your ear.

“You’re saying that, but we both know that’s not what you want — slutty fucking pussy trying break my cock in two,” the sounds of your skin slapping against you as his tip brushes against your cervix rings in your ear, even as he murmurs in it, “y’’know he wants to fuck you right? The little brat is always watching you, nearly fisting himself at the sight of you,” he’s forcing you upwards, pressing your back to his chest, “he wants you, but he’ll never have you, because this pussy is mine,” and his hand finds the bulge in your stomach, pressing down, as you keen, head falling back against his shoulder, as tears pooled in your pretty eyes, “but he’d never be able to reach here and fuck you like you want — like a whore,” his other hand pinches and teases your pebbled nipples, before sliding up to your neck, squeezing lightly, “say you’re mine,”

You can’t find the words, all of them fucked out of your body to make room for his cock seemingly — the only words remaining his name and “please,” but you have to do better than that, and he slows his pace to nothing, as he pulls out so only his tip teases your entrance, a whine leaving your pathetic mouth.

“If you’re not mine, guess I don’t need to let you finish, do I?” and you’re shaking your head, frantic and repentant.

“I’m yours, i’m yours, Sukuna, please—” and he’s sliding right back into you, fucking you harder, balls slapping against your ass and sweet cunt swallowing him up to the base, a white ring of your pre cum forming around it — and he just knows you’re close, by the twitch of your sweet pussy — and his hand reaches around to rub at your clit, “I’m—”

And he ruts into you, hard and deep that you’re sure his length brushes against your womb — and you’re cumming, falling apart around him, but he doesn’t relent — but had he ever? He didn’t relent over these past few weeks, and he wouldn’t now, not until he was filling you up and watching his cum drip out of your hole—

You’re slipping back forward, face forward into the pillow and mattress, as he grunts watching your slick drip down your ass and thighs and onto the sheets — his balls tense with his release, “Fuck—” and that’s all the warning you get before he slams back into you to bottom out, as he blows his load.

His release is hot as it fills you up, never ending it seems as he slowly fucks you through his orgasm, his spurts slowing with time, until he’s finally stilling, a soft grunt, as he pulls himself from inside your warm cunt. A soft groan at the sight of his seed spilling from inside you — you’re boneless and spent, until he has you jolting forward from the press of his fingers gathering his cum and stuffing it back in.

“Kuna, fuck, I can’t—” and he scoffs, retracting his fingers for a moment, before he’s deftly flipping you onto your back, “too sensitive,” you whine as his fingers work their way back into you.

“Did you think I was done, woman?” and his softening erection is already standing tall again, and you’re almost wanting his fingers now at this point, even as your body disagrees, pussy squeezing at the thought of him buried inside you again. He leans forward, lips brushing against yours, a kiss full of nothing of tongue and teeth, the faint taste of your own release on his lips, “we’re far from done.”

The sound of your name catches your attention, your eyes snapping up from your breakfast, “what?”

“Are you okay? Choso frowns at you, as he holds his rice bowl, the rolled tamago sliced on his plate, “you look tired,” It was another morning like always, but

You shake your head, “I just didn’t sleep well, I kept waking up from my dreams,” and it wasn’t exactly a lie — yesterday was the culmination of a million dreams you had. Dreams that only ended when the sun began to come up, with his cock still buried in your cunt as you rode him, back pressed to his chest, as he worked you up and down his dick.

And finally when he came again, this time all over your back, he finally pressed kisses up and down his back, easing himself out, as his toned arms engulfed you.

“Should clean up and I should head to Jin’s room,” he murmurs, “I have a feeling I won’t have a place to live if he finds me in here,” and you chuckle, too fucked out and tired, “we’ll have to get used to sneaking around.

“Oh will we?” you had mumbled, and he answered your question with another bruising kiss to your lips.

Yuji tilts his head, scratching it, as you lift your glass to take a sip of water, mouth far too dry now, “Is that what those noises were? It sounded like you were having nightmares,” and you nearly choke on it, but force it down, hoping the embarrassment wasn’t evident on your face, stabbing your egg.

“Yeah, I had a couple last night,” you lied, and even as you suddenly found your breakfast far too interesting, you could feel Choso’s gaze still on you — your cheeks burning as Sukuna’s words about him still rung in your ears — along with the distinct ache between your legs and on your ass he left behind, “I’m fine, I’m just going to need a nap,”

“You’re not the only one, girl,” Sukuna walks into the kitchen from the rooms, as Yuji and Choso balk at his presence.

Choso’s eyes narrow, “What are you doing here?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Sukuna’s eyes find yours, the corner of his lip pulled upwards, as his gaze rakes over your form, “what’s for breakfast?” and you knew he only wished that you were the thing placed on the table for him to eat. Jin barely pays any mind, too preoccupied on his phone with his work email, as he passes a plate to Sukuna.

“When did you even get in?” Yuji asks, as he finishes his own breakfast, leaning back on his two palms. And your insides begin to tie themselves in knots at all of these questions — knowing Sukuna would like nothing more than to tell them exactly what he was doing last night.

“And where did you sleep?” Choso glares, adding fuel to the fire, as Sukuna looks down on him, lips a thin line, “you didn’t bother our guest, did you?” and your cheeks burn all the same, a flicker of amusement on Sukuna’s features, lips parting only for Jin to cut in.

“He got in early this morning. He slept in my room,” Jin says with a sigh, “Don’t you two have to get ready? You’re going to your mom’s this morning,”

“She’s not my mom,” Choso grumbles under his breath, “more like a leech,” but he still gets to his feet all the same, as Yuji follows suit, picking up their plates, a comforting hand on his older brother’s shoulder.

“I should get to work,” Jin sighs, sparing a sharp glance at his brother, “behave,” and he turns to you, “feel free to stay as long as you want. Yuji and Choso will be back this afternoon,”

And the three of them find their way out of the house, a rush of bags and feet, as Choso spares a glance at you.

“I’ll be back soon — you can hang out in my room if you want,” Choso says, before scowling at Sukuna, “let me know if you need anything,” and you nod, waving him off, and the door shuts behind them all.

Sukuna slides into place beside you, sitting as the two of you eat breakfast in relative silence. You finish up your meal, and move to get up, but Sukuna’s hand finds its way onto your thigh, holding you in place.

“Are you done?” and you glance at him, plate empty and food untouched, “with eating?”

“I am,” you raise an eyebrow, “And you?”

“My appetite wants something else, sweetheart,” he leans forward, fingers inching higher until his thumb grazes your inner thigh.

“And what’s that?” and he nearly growls his next words, thin patience already tearing in two, just as he would your clothes if you weren’t careful.

“I’m done playing coy, woman,” he’s lifting you with ease, slinging you over his shoulder as you gasp, and he’s gotten you on top of the counter, the very same counter you had baked cookies on the day he had arrived, but now his hulking body was quickly pressing your legs apart, “there’s only one thing I want to eat in this kitchen, and it’s between your fucking thighs.”

“Not sick of it yet?” you chuckle.

“Think I could bury myself in your slutty pussy for days and not get sick of it,” and he looms over you, just as he had that first day, and he leans down to kiss you, stealing the logic from your mind and leaving only the need for his touch behind, “it is the sweetest thing I ever tasted after all.”

“Really?” and he smirks, as his fingers dig into the fabric of your shorts ripping them and your panties down, the cool air against your already wet cunt.

“Want me to prove it?”

And oh, he would. Again and again.

✧ a/n: i have a problem. i really wanted to write something with degradation ok?

✧ taglist: , @k0z3me , @monstrousbuu , @abiiebibie , @strawmariee , @luciiferslover , @sxnkuna , @psychxbby , @addehehe , @cpu1d , @dreamtardisspace , @authorintheshadows666 , @arcielee , @trxnmagic , @smilk01 , @abcdbleh , @elisaj313-blog , @jinslunv , @n3ptunxe , @pinkyvomit , @being-me-is-not-a-sin , @rat-loves , @spider-fan72 ,, @niks1673 , @lafffyyytafffyyy , @miseraa , @astraxa-xx , @fushitoru , @hanxyy , @milky-milkyway , @nakariabnrb , @johannakhalafalla , @tojicvmbucket , @flyingtranscatofeffed , @vampzys , @caelestine-the-caelicatto , @hatsunemitskislobotomy , @k1ttybean , @catsgomurp , @goddess-ofthe-godless , @i-spilt-ink-on-my-phone , @forest-fruits-jam , @mua-for-now , @pricetagofficial

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