#and now im alone so I can just spend my evenings doing this! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

platonicmoonwater00 · 20 hours

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I see these everywhere. and i mean EVERYWHERE. and also i need motivation so lets go ig

10 notes- i'll drink on weekends too(i forget cos on weekends im just at home and not at school lugging around my frank green in my tote bag)

20 notes- i will(try to) pay attention in class

30 notes- i'll watch my whole watch later playlist on yt

50 notes- i'll actually do the techniques im learning in ✨therapy✨ to help with my anxiety and shitty social skills

75 notes- i'll take my iron tablets every day

100 notes- i'll start my assessments when i get them(i have one due tomorrow which i was gonna finish now but i'm doing this apparently)

125 notes- i'll ask my crush to hangout alone during spring holidays

150 notes- i'll try to go for a run or at least a walk every day

500 notes- i'll write another chapter of my fanfiction

1k notes- i will actually make an effort to get clean

2k notes- if i see someone pretty that i want to go out w in public i'll ask for their number cos holy fuck i need to put myself out there. even if we js end up being friends cos holy shit im lonely

3k notes- i will actually finished the dress i started making

4k notes- i will try to get over my crush cos its ✨never gonna happen✨(she so pretty and masc tho its gonna be hard)

5k notes- (this is so far up here cos idk how to do this so im gonnna need a lot of time to figure out how) im gonna try to demolish the rumour that im gay thats going around a bit.**

6k notes- i will finish all my crochet projects and not start any new ones until im done.

**context. i go to an all girls school and theres a lot of people so its not like everyone knows everyone, even in my year(theres approx. 174 in my year alone, and theres 6 year groups at my school cos high school is 7-12 where i live) but some people know me ig cos i know a few girl who are more notable, im in the top class and i recdntly started sitting with a group that the popular girls call furries.

(theyre a pretty big group and popular girls hate them cos one or two of them are trans - ftm, ftnb etc, no mtf cos my lovely/s catholic school wouldnt let trans girls in- several of them are gay, a few of them are emo, most of them are poc's and a few of them dont have english as their first language. overall they are seen as the "weird kids" in my year)

so this rumour apparently is going around that i like a girl in my class(i absolutely do but if you havent noticed my school is hella hoomophobic and i could very well get beat) which js isnt ideal and is gonna lead to a lot of issues, especially if a lot of people start believing it so if you guys have any advice pls lmk. and its not like i can js get a fake bf and show him off cos its a GIRLS SCHOOL. if i reconnect with a friend from primary school tho we could pretend to be dating and like make a post on social media. but then kids at his school would find out and hed either have to tell them its fake(which would eventually find its way back to my school, and when i say eventually i mean immediately) or he couldnt get a girlfriend so that probs wouldnt work.

i know it sounds like im making a mountain out of a molehill but ive got years to go here and i dont want to spend all my high school years getting bullied bc even if i went to a teacher about it or smthing id have to like analyse them first and try to figure out which ones are homophobic or not.

like learning about why "being gay is a sin"(pretend im saying that really mockingly) is literally in our curriculum.

holy shit that was longer than expected.

no pressure tags: @wishiwereheather13 @loserboyfriendrjl @fracturedsunsets @chasingthemoony @stars-and-leather @starsofleo

thats all im doing idk how you guys can stand js copy and pasting moots over and over i cant do this i did the first six that came up and that seems like enough 🤷‍♀️

begun doing

going to do

finished

#note challenge

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joyridingmp3 · 2 years

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it's just me and my gay ass little notebooks against the world. one for sketching/drawing, one for creative writing, one for music/song lyrics.

#and cigarettes also are with me against the world #this is so reflective of my birth chart I realise #like. cancer stellium (so much emotional work to unpack and explore)#leo moon so NEEDS to creatively express themselves or will die #libra rising so enjoys art and music and idk the other arts #and then mars and venus in gemini so enjoys communicating their ideas and has too many ideas #but also needs to write when angry or passionate and has a love of intellectual creativity #and jupiter in pisces in 6th house so again just needs to write every day for health purposes #mine #and now im alone so I can just spend my evenings doing this!#and no one bothers me

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faaun · 6 months

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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theygender · 4 months

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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please

#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming #the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl #no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory #and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead #i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home #rambling #a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it #i got all the way to inquisition before i quit #i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated #and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new #so i didnt connect to my character as much #BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer #so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting #and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration #when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game #i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest #so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty #and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character #i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar #but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish #(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration #instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory #theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff #theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah #anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it

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mithomite · 6 months

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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia #tw transphobes

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ambersky0319 · 2 months

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guess who didnt realize/forgot others could see their profile on roommate websites and got messaged by someone asking if i was still looking for a room when i dont actually plan on moving until much later this year 🙃

#multiple reasons i cant move sooner: health insurance. phone. not enough money to sustain myself yet #i did check anyway tho and the apartment offered was. a LONG 2 bus rides away from campus & my work #so even if i was looking. itd have very likely been a no just for that unfortunately (im hoping to cut down on commute time not increase it)#i did feel a lil bad tho and IMMEDIATELY paused my account 😅#i only created them bc i was getting a feel for how those sites worked more than anything #and also seeing if i could find someplace cheaper than $850/month since thats all my sib found and #that is an entire month worth of paychecks #i do not plan on spending that much on rent alone. i need to eat AND id like to still have something for things i enjoy #anywho i wished her luck but uh yeah im gonna have to tinker a bit more. see whats there to hide my profiles for now #or maybe just openly tell people like 'i actually cant move until much later this year ive only just been familiarizing myself w these sites #so unless you can wait that long...' bc i dont wanna waste people's time nor my own yknow?#anywho #amber's shit you can ignore

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sea-buns · 2 months

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its been two years since i was last taking a class of any kind and man. i forgot how hard it was for me. especially online? like i did all of high school online. bad time for an undiagnosed adhd kid lol. but now medicated and only doing one class two times a week? still so fucking hard. learning i do not do well on someone else's pacing. and the constant reminders of your own inability are so damn heavy.

#hard to sit through a 3 hour live class KNOWING that youre gonna be spending even longer going over it all again later #working on getting ADA accommodations its just a process #and waiting on some emails so i can get a physical textbook cuz god does it help to hold the thing #AND trying to feel out when i should be taking my meds cuz its a night class. i was doing so well on my sleep/waking schedule #but now its all just fucked :/#whats nice at least is that theyre doing math things rn that i can afford to half listen to cuz i did a bunch of notes on my own last week #feel like im gonna need to get that textbook and just do as much as i can alone notewise #trying to keep up is impossible #sea rambles #personal #adhd #academic vent #gonna be lots of those in the next few months tbh

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hella1975 · 1 year

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my sister is currently doing her nightly *douse myself in water for 5 mins despite it leaving PUDDLES EVERYWHERE BTW and then spend 20 mins applying imported skincare i spent all my money on* in SILENCE sans any form of music meanwhile she walked in on me having a party of one (1) at myself in the bathroom mirror to set it off of all things. it's a bit funny that we are related by blood

#she just looked at me with my hands still doing some dumb dance gesture and went 'what.... are you doing' SO UNIMPRESSED LIKE #mortifying but i had fun. was literally just jamming for a good 20 mins like acting out every song in the mirror #not even taking my make up off or anything like that no just pure vibing. and i think im in the right here #and then she spends a MINIMUM half hour EVERY NIGHT on skincare which is fine i WISH i had that dedication #but she does it IN SILENCE I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW WE'RE RELATED #my sister: even though im writing my thesis atm for my masters in chemistry im still excited for my dentistry degree i just got accepted on #me earlier today to my mum: LETS SEE IF I CAN FAIL MACROECONOMICS THREE YEARS RUNNING <3333 #it's a bit funny it's a BIT funny #we are just such different people in EVERY facet of our lives even the tiny things idk IT'S A BIT FUNNY #can u see how i got the shit kicked out of me from watching fleabag. can you see it #we did however sit on the sofa together just now and i was lying on it first #but she wanted to show me a dress so she came over and i didnt want to get up so i lifted my legs as a joke #expecting her to be like 'sod off and make room' but she literally just scooted under and had my legs on her lap and her arms on my legs #and yes it's v casual v mundane but we've never really... had that? like we are NOT physically affectionate at all #we're not affectionate FULL STOP let alone physically #idk it was nice. i was hyperaware of literally every single part of me bc it's still so new but. it was nice #i used to get really hung up on our differences but now i do genuinely find it funny more often than not #('used to' i mean last year. literally a few months ago. we move)#hella goes home

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nerdie-faerie · 1 year

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Having a big family is too expensive. Where am I supposed to find the money for my brother's 20th, my cousin's 21st and graduation, my twin cousins turning 23, my other cousin turning 26 and having a baby all this month!! 😭

#Demon Spawn #+Extra #theres too much going on! and my mum doesnt tell me everything at once so i think i only have one purchase to worry about #and then she hits me with another one!! did you remember this? did you remember that? no i was still dealing with the last one #im sorry but siblings are prioritised then i gotta sort out my own sht if i can then afford all these other peoples things #when i dont even speak to them! then sure maybe ill get around to it but theyve all got more extravagant preferences which i cant afford 😅#most of them still live at home and dont pay rent let alone tuition i cant afford their expectations and having 4 cousin birthdays #in a month is ridiculous have you seen the price of postage? and you wanna add in graduations and a baby into it???#i probably sound like im btching about nothing to people who have a good relationship with their cousins but i never see them and even #when i do we dont talk its super awkward and we have nothing in common yet i gotta go spend money i dont have all at once on them #and i cant even say sht cus my mum arranged a 21st for me that i didnt want so they did end up getting me stuff #god i sound like such btch i just dont know these people and its stressful trying to get presents as is but so many occasions at once when #i have no clue is stressing me out right now its not that i dont want to celebrate its the sudden expenditure and the fact its not spread #out and that theres so many cus i already got 8 siblings and my mum is one of 5 and my cousins are getting older so theyre going through #milestones that require gifts too at the same time as their birthday

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readymades2002 · 8 months

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oh. MY god i hate my job

#it was my penance for having a life and living a little last sunday and no call no showing but today fucking SUCKED #love my coworker but she does not work as fast as i do and opening on a sunday in this department that kills us #and by US i mean ME who has to spend seven hours of the day running things on my own #i dont go as fast as i could i know that. but i do feel like i do a good job #there is only so good of a job i can do when i am expected to pick 200 items alone in an hour #pisses me off too I AM SCHEDULED ALONE!!! EVERYONE KNOWS I AM WORKING ALONE OUR METRICS #SHOULD ACCOUNT FOR ME HAVING TO PICK THIS MUCH ALONE AND YET every single sunday #every sunday. we are expected to work like this. it makes me feel less than human #not just inhuman but just not worthy of it not worthy of being a person instead of a machine its so #*PUTS HEAD IN HANDS*#its okay now im doing fine now i got help (i hate asking for help but genuinely working with other people #even in hectic conditions really makes an absurd difference) and i did get to see My Boy. My Favorite Guy. My Silly Goose when he got off #but its still like phwewwwwww i am exhausted my whole body HURTS from running around the store all day with no break #wahhhhh etc etc

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artemisbarnowl · 11 months

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Having a totally normal one* after waking from a dream where I just relive life with my ex. It was so normal and fine and we did things such as lay around in bed and make plans for the day, go to the Korean supermarket on the corner, go to a friend's house together.

#*if it were in the evening i would be drinking enough to finally drink dial and just fucking ASK all the questions i am making up answers to #what did you want? what do you want now?? honestly could you find it in your heart to hate me and never wanna see me again?#because me saying 'i don't think we should talk for a while' and you saying 'id really like to be friends' are obviously Not It #omg im going to spend my birthday alone for the first time....nearly ever and im just going to go to work and be miserable #i havent been able to stop chewing on the idea of me visiting when i head down to see the fam for christmases #i want him to want me back sooooo bad!!!!#i still think about that dream where i made him pasta #would i take him back? depends on what he said #as much as im pathetic im not an idiot and id need clear evidence to show that he 1. knows what he wants (involving me) and #2. is going to ask for it #because i don't think i ever heard him say a single thing about what he wanted for our future #never said 'hey i want to see you when are you free for me to come up?'#is probably fucking dating now anyway and doesnt WANT me to remember him on new years (our best guess anniversary)#or ask to call because i want to ask questions that will be hard to answer #when all ive ever wanted is the TRUTH #not the strategic answer just the gods honest truth #and i suspect that is 'i dont want to date you i havent for a while i didnt know how to stop or what i wanted instead'#and then i could go home break every object in ny house and move on #try a dating app ot something else to attempt to look forward instead of back #so as you can see -totally normal one

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tendercoretroglodyke · 9 months

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I have some kind of weird evil wizard curse on me where I feel deeply sad and uniquely horrible when my beloved bestie roommate is home but feel Normal and Emotionally Regulated when theyre out like literally what is wrong with me good GOD get that girl some therapy !!!!