#AND trying to feel out when i should be taking my meds cuz its a night class. i was doing so well on my sleep/waking schedule

[sea-buns]

its been two years since i was last taking a class of any kind and man. i forgot how hard it was for me. especially online? like i did all of high school online. bad time for an undiagnosed adhd kid lol. but now medicated and only doing one class two times a week? still so fucking hard. learning i do not do well on someone else's pacing. and the constant reminders of your own inability are so damn heavy.

[phagodyke]

still have some brain fog but nowhere near as bad as the last couple days 👍

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA For teaching my kid to clean up after herself? (suicide mention)

I (25nb) and my partner (27nb) have a daughter (4f turning 5 in 2 weeks). We always help her out with cleaning up her toys so she can see where things go and how to properly put them away. Today she just had a small handful of things under her fold-up table and a few things on top. It wasn't a lot, and I told her that if she cleaned it up she could set up her princess tent in the living room. She complained about it saying it was boring and that she didn't want to do it. I said "its going to be boring, you still have to clean up after yourself. If you want to do fun things then you need to be clean". She asked if I could help, I said "it's only a few things, and I won't always be here to help you. So for today I want you to learn how to do it for yourself without my help". She started crying and having a meltdown about it. My partner told her this was unacceptable behavior and said she wasn't allowed to have her tent or watch a movie until she cleaned up, and they turned the TV off.

My mother was here not long prior, and had seen the first half of the resistance and attitude we got. She tried helping by giving her positive thoughts and motivation. I also said that she's been super good and well behaved lately, so if she helped out I would give her a little candy gummy as a treat if she did it without much fuss. My grandmother (who we live with and is constantly awful towards us) stayed quiet during this interaction. She even laughed at my daughter.

When my mom left and the issue with the meltdown and the TV ensued, my grandmother started giving me attitude, saying I need to help her clean the solid 5 mini toys and the coloring book off the floor. She bitched at me for turning the TV off and complained that if we were turning it off anyways, then she should be allowed to watch TV. We said no, because the thing she wanted to watch was NOT child friendly (it was a crime murder movie with heavy sex scenes in it and a lot of swearing and gore). She took the remote and put on the TV anyways, but it was the news for now. She kept repeatedly complaining that "this is ridiculous" and "I don't want to hear crying and bickering". So I said "if it's stops you from acting pissy then fine I will help her clean it up". She then gave me attitude denying that she was acting pissy. I said "you're giving me attitude. I'm just trying to teach her how to be responsible and clean up after herself properly". And she kept scoffing and mumbling to herself. It took 2 minutes for the two of us to clean up. It wasn't that bad. It would've been quicker if my daughter wasn't complaining about it being boring. My grandmother then proceeded to complain about how she now needed to wipe the fold-up table (she didn't). I was stressed out and said "I'm going to go for a walk by myself for a bit". My grandmother scoffed and sighed audibly. As I was leaving she said I was a bad parent for making my daughter clean up on her own. She waited to say something when my mom left because she doesn't want anyone to witness how she treats us (cuz this is how she treats us on a constant basis).

This is all heightened by the fact that I just went on a new med recently that isn't working and is actually making me severely depressed. But if I stop taking the med, it makes me suicidal. And we got our snap benefits taken away from us because they didn't tell me what I needed for proofs and I missed some. So I'm under a lot of stress.

I've been sitting outside wondering if I really am a bad parent for not helping her. If I should have just helped right away to prevent all this drama. I keep feeling like I did something wrong. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[ron456]

ADHD/ Neurodiversity rant, Ig?? (TLDR at the end)

I feel like I've definitely went through some character development over the years but especially when I learned more about my ADHD.

They don't really give you that much info when you get diagnosed, I feel (I got diagnosed pretty young at like 7-8 and started taking meds when I was about 9 years old, I think).

And I started learning more about it in, like, middle school and it was wild to figure out that I wasn't alone in these experiences I was having like RSD (AND THE RSD CHEST PAIN- I WAS LIKE "OTHER PEOPLE WITH ADHD FEEL THIS TOO?!?"), Sensory issues (I get pissed if I get overstimulated and it was a relief to find out that other people feel like that too), skipping lines when I read and getting headaches while reading even though I wasn't dyslexic (Convergence insufficiency), being uncoordinated (my handwriting always going upwards instead of in a straight line, having trouble with using keys, or getting food all over myself when I ate) , problems with emotional regulation, etc.

Shout out to people on tiktok/youtube who have info on ADHD like: Connor DeWolfe, Ethan Nestor & Markiplier (not really their main content but they both do have it and occasionally talk about it. Ethan has the hyperactive type and Mark has the inattentive type), Olivia Lutfallah (her ADHD simulators are SO ACCURATE- And she has AuDHD so she has some stuff about autism too, I believe)

I remember I felt sorta daunted at first to realize I was way different than my peers than I first thought

and I had that sorta grieving process that people get when they get diagnosed later in life even though I had already been diagnosed

Like, "Damn. If only my past-self had known that. Maybe I could've shielded her from getting hurt."

But also, knowing more helped me move forward with more of a plan, I guess

Can't accommodate to yourself if you don't know what to accommodate to, right?

Anyways, I'm saying this because I think it's so important that people be taught more about Neurodiversities

Kids, parents, teachers, etc. should all be more informed because it saves a lot of confusion and pain for people in the long-run

Cuz a kid won't know that they have a different brain because that's all they've ever known. Sorta reminds me of the quote:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

But yeah, if it hadn't been for my second grade teacher who noticed that I was coming home with classwork and who didn't think I was just being lazy, I don't know if I would be here, today, to be honest.

All it takes is one person to notice the signs of neurodiversity and speak up to change someone's life for the better

which is why I always try to educate my friends on this kinds of things so that they can be more helpful and understand of people with neurodiversites and of themselves if they realize they have a neurodiversity

Also, I write about this because I used to find characters like Mable Pines and Steven Universe annoying until I realized they exhibited ADHD symptoms and there was probablyyy some internalized ableism in my mind as a kid. I was able to watch the shows with these characters in them as a teenager and realize how much they characters were like me! And I loved them for it! It's really cool to see how much my knowledge and acceptance for my ADHD has grown as I've grown!

Anywayssss, that is all. I'm on my meds rn and I had some motivation so decided to talk about this hehe. I gotta get ready for some babysitting rn lmao.

TLDR; People should be educated more on the signs of Neurodiversities so that people can get the help they need sooner instead of thinking they are "Wrong", "stupid", or "broken". I bolded some cool resources for more ADHD (and some other Neurodiversity) info and a cool quote :)

[darlinguistics]

rambling about adhd burnout and meds (again)

i'm so exhausted lately :( like physically and mentally i feel my body and mind resisting literally everything and just wanting to keep sleeping and resting and i have to keep forcing it through things. so i keep thinking i should up my adhd meds cuz my attention span is absolutely shot and i feel foggy but at the same time i feel like if i could just take a proper break for a while i'd balance out again eventually and be fine but then again thats just literally impossible in reality ! and i swear this is why adhd treatment and the meds vs no meds discussions get so heated cuz Even If we know how to take care of ourselves without meds like theres kinda no choice most of the time when you have real life obligations and responsibilities. and then it makes it even more frustrating when people like passive aggressively judge you for relying on meds as if its like the lazy or easy way out but like HOW ABOUT YOU TRY IT HUH. there is no right answer because the right answer would actually be that our society needs to be just reworked from the ground up cuz its almost designed to burn us out like this regardless, let alone having adhd on Top of that so unless we are suddenly ready to dismantle capitalism i dont wanna hear shit ! theres no right answer so do what works for u am i right. not that im really on the side of 'adhd only exists because of capitalism' cuz i think thats a half-baked take at best and ableist at worst tbh, but i also dont think its controversial to say capitalism is not great for the human condition regardless of how you are individually lol.

this was mostly a ramble but if any other adhd students read this far do you guys also feel like a 'cycle' to your symptoms like this? like do you feel when things are getting worse or better like this and do you also just feel helpless having to sit back and watch yourself get worse.. and then have a bunch of crises about your validity and whether you should give up and rot or try to do something about it.. pls say yes lol

[aropride]

wrt that poll abt tone indicators thats going around.w ell first of all tbh i think some of the hatred for them comes from cringe culture. but second of all. some of the criticism is totally fair like there are a fuckton of tone indicators and sometimes . there really dont need to be. and the abbreviations can be confusing i try to type out ones that arent s srs or j. tho i feel like most of the newer ones were popularized on twt so itmakes sense they wouldnt be written all the way out

like i think my prolem is when theres SO many and theyre redundant. i found a carrd with a fuckton of them that im gonna comment on To entertain myself sorry

like these 3 all feel redundant .. why do u need a different tone tag for Mostly joking than Half joking ? or for a Coping joke ? just use /j or combine with with like, /neg or something to get the tone across yknow? and /ji - first of all looks like /ij (inside joke), second of all why not just use /j

and like. why half serious or mostly serious or not serious when /j or /hj exist ? why /ns when it looks so similar to /nsrs, which means the opposite ? ive been using /s since like 2015 and /srs since like 2018 so ivegot those down and dont confuse them but i see why could be for some one who hasnt used them b4, why make it more complicated?

i like /g or /gen in theory- ppl have said its confusing bc gen could be general which i get, but for ppl familiar w tone tags tend to know what it means. genq is one ive used just bc. its fun to type tbh. and i think ppl get what it means but its not really Necessary. BUt genep and genc feel unnecessary when /g and /srs exist, and /gene is just, a word. that's just a word ! 😭

ojh my god. i should do a tone indicator tier list

as you can see my adhd meds are working

/nbr is funny bc half the time when some1 says theyre not being rude they definitely are. also there's already /g /srs and /lh. /nm is either helpful or deeply confusing Bc i try to take it at face value but sometimes i see it and im like. Why would i be mad ? and i start overthinking. but thats a me problem

i like this one i use it when i complain a lot Bc i dont want ppl to think im vagueing them i just love complaining

i love these ones. tone indicators for Being Mean To Someone. dunno if its on this list but ive seen /pa and /sbh (/passive aggressive & /somebody here, respectively) which is SO funny. i dont think theyre helpful really though except /neg Bc again. these all mean very similar things !!! why not just clarify extra things with a parenthetical

THESE R ALL THE SAME TONE !!! why not jsut use one single tone indicator for this !!! or none at all and just type the word !!!

need /nfl on a shirt in the aro colors so poeple know im not fucking interested in them. that aside. 1. whywould u need this ever !!! why not use again just /j if necessary.and 2. isnt the nfl a football thing

these r similar but i do like them, i think typing out a whole word again is a better solution so u dont have to scavenge google for the meaning but i think its helpful to clarify this and isnt synonymous with /j or /s or /lh

i think these ones are almost all just from the op's discord server or w/e, i won't bash that cuz if it works for them it works, that being said i dont think This many tone indicators for these types of things r helpful outside of that specific context yknow? also, /fx is really funny

ok i wont say that typing tics dont exist bc tics can be complex and vary by situation etc so im sure they can, but is that happening That much that u need a tone tag for it ? and also like. for /unin just delete the msg or say "oops sent too early hang on" or smth.. and as for vocal stim. first of all why is it /vt ? and second of all . why ... would u need that to type out ? bc if ur vocal stimming that would be. out loud? i.e. not in a chat where youre typing ???????@????>?,//???? BAFFLING. also in what situation is /gib necessary i genuinely cant think of one

ANYWAY.

None of this is to rag on tone indicators (/genuine) i think they can be helpful + i am always being gensrs when i use them. i just think some r a little silly & a lot from longer lists are unhelpful Bc theyre supposed to make communication Easier and Clearer + haveing So many tone indicators with Different Implied Tones WITHIN the indicators !!! makes it harder imo. bc if theyre to clarify tone why should i have to fight for my life deciphering why someone went from /mj to /hj yknow.

like this is all my Opinion and imsure these r all helpful for Someone otherwise they wouldnt exist but i rly feel like the system could be condensed a bit yk.

do i have a system in mind to suggest here ? well.

(also. this whole post is /genuine, /lighthearted, /not upset, and /not passive aggressive. and a bit /silly)

[pantspissedinreverse]

Got any tips on how to play med better? Like when to uber n stuff? (I use the vaccinator btw)

I feel like being supportive of my team and I wanna be silly with it and also mainly cuz i hate myself

heya, thanks for asking :) i dont personally play with vacc much nowadays but when i did id try to get as many of the 4 charges as possible before i encountered an enemy and then popped the appropriate res bubble on my pocket, ex. we encounter a soldier so you swap to explosive res and pop that but then a pyro comes so you switch to fire res and pop that as well, so on and so forth another good time to uber is when a lot of enemies are near, this is better for stock/kritz but if you can arrow tank then youre good i dont have much vacc tips, as stated before, i dont play with vacc much but i think that @vaxxman (sorry for the @ :')) might have more info about that for other general tips heres this:

first things first learn heal priority, usually when im in casual i start with buffing my explosives (solly, demo) then my fellow med if there is one, followed by scout, pyro and heavy, then the sniper if i can get to him and lastly spy because those guys can usually get out of sticky situations well or just simply die

i dont know what primary you use but personally id say use the crossbow, its meta for a reason; huge healing output in a short time and you can style on people by hitting some insane arrows. also no matter what you use, learning how to aim it is crucial, what helped me most was aim training maps like tr_walkway or tr_denial (<- this one is mostly for scouts/soldiers but shhhh) both require pasting this command into console before you start them up for the training bots to work sv_allow_point_servercommand always

also movement is very important, for starters damage surfing (right before youre about to get hit jump then crouch mid air to get a boost) and it carries over to every class, yippee! also since i can talk about movement, theres a strategy i often use which i call the shimmy, its a more complicated one i guess? it takes some practice, heres a clip i got of it in comp recently

^ the shimmy fair warning for loud audio, these etf2l schmucks are loud as hell anyway! what you do here is press your movement keys (mostly A and D) in quick succession, move your mouse around a bit and throw some crouching in there in order to make your movement as unpredictable as possible to confuse the enemy and fuck with their aim, this mostly works on hitreg classes (scout, engi, sniper, anyone using a shotgun) and seeing as it works well against comp scouts, it should work in casual as well!

lastly heres some more resources for you, tr_medic, a compilation of training maps made for, well, medic, its a bit less user friendly than tr_walkway or tr_denial but better for medic specific stuff like keeping distance when healing, also here is the art of medic which has everything you could ever want to know (even some comp stuff, neat!)

anyway, thanks for asking! ill take any chance i can get to ramble about medic strats :) best of luck!

[lovezbrownies]

to be completely honest I almost forgot I made that req and I was likee ‘wow! That’s such a cool idea!!’ But I was thinking of two different one like a male and female one

male - the actual grumpy and the older sibling of the female med student who wants to help his younger sister. Because she keeps texting him in all hours of the night just to talk about her future spouse who doesn’t even talk to her, who just so happens to look at her direction for 0.1 millisecond anyways he really does love his sister but honestly he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t have time for love or any of this as he’s still trying to get his medical certificate to become a nurse! even if he dislikes hearing his sister become all stupid and googol eyes around the person she loves he does care about her. So he does root for her in the sidelines of his room studying for his next exam

female - the love sick puppy one (who I requested and especially want to see) who always annoys her older brother of a few years to talk on and on about the love of her life. Sure she acknowledges that her brother is studying to become a nurse and that she’s still on her way to become a full fledge doctor but who cares? THIS IS HER LOVER SHES TALKING ABOUT!! She’s already planning out the wedding theme and the invitations, future last name, future pets, house, and the kids names! darling only stared at her for just barely 3 seconds and that was all because darling darling mistook her for a pal of theirs

-🌪️

Ps. get ready I’m currently getting up like literal paragraphs of the female med student and I’m just trying to shorten them up to make them make sense yk?

oomf. YOU OUTDID YOURSELF WITH THE SUBMISSION BTW!! SO FUCKING FIRE YOU COOKED AND YOU BAKED MY GODDD!!! If you're uncomfy with your secret identity being out I will copy paste everything and write it under Anonymous Tornado or smth like that! Or if you're okay with it i will post it as is! with me dying from how good your ideas are in the end ofc

MOVING FORWARD! i wanna genuinely write smth like this soo bad like a yandere poly yk? WOULD BE SOO LOVELYY but i am drowning in requests as we speak so that's for another day!

This is so heat. highkey so heat. ALSO NEVER SHORTEN YOUR WORK BRUH?? DONT MAKE ME SAD LIKE THAT.

I find this idea so bomb like incredibly so. One falls first, constantly babbles about their darling until the other one decides "lets see what all the hype's abt cuz this is crazy" AND THEN ALSO FALLS DEEPLY IN LOVE?! so fire so heat they will squeal and talk about how cute you look concentrated in the privacy of their dorms, would take turns stalking you and shit MY BRAIN OOMF ITS OVERHEATING

But i feel like thats different from this ask so whats cuter than an older supportive brother watching his needy googly eyes sister try to bag you over and over again. He'd be like "No get them a new book bag and flowers, that book bag is on its last breath." and she'd go "YOURE SO SMART!!! i should write a personalized letter about everything i like about them too!!" Knowing his sister's letter would take 60 pages he'd tell her to just stick to the ideas he gives her

Though she'd hate it when you eventually marry her older brother would be with you the entire time while you shop for your wedding attire, and whatever else you need to get ready! Super supportive big brother and is so happy you two are getting married so he wouldn't hear his younger sister go on and on about you!

oomf when i get your brain rot asks my brain rots with you oomf. YOU MAKE MY CREATIVE SPARK IGNITE OOMFIE!!

[petewentzisblack1312]

Have you done an analysis of bishop’s knife trick yet? I feel like you have but I’m struggling to find it. I am so excited for FOB8 but in the same token I’m not ready to be brought to tears again like “I know I should walk away, know I should walk away/But I just want to let you break my brain/and I can't seem to get a grip/No, no matter how I live with it” just broke me listening to it again

I’ve been going through really bad mental health period and usually I’m used to the depression like it’s whatever but that’s not what this is like I feel like I’m losing my mind, I can’t sleep and yeah not to bitch about my mental health in your ask box but this song means so much to me rn bc like I’m terrified to go on meds so those lines make me want to bite Pete so lol. TLDR I would love your analysis ❤️ I feel like you always do such a good job on bringing mental health into it bc I feel like a lot of people ignore that aspect of Pete’s writing and want to make it all about relationships and like, it’s much deeper than that and You Get It

yes i have dones an analysis of bishops knife trick, you can find that here! im flattered that you like my analysis

ive also mentioned in a different post how "blue" in fall out boy is ambiguous because it can mean so many things. like are they the blues we sing or the blues we take or the blues we feel? i think the line "these are the last blues were ever gonna have/lets see how deep we get" is a good example of this. is it the last time the persona is taking their meds and theyre anticipating flying off the deep end? is it the last time they expect to be sad but they dont think its going to last? is this the last time theyre going to sing? i like that it could be multiple different things.

also, i just want to say to you that it can definitely be scary to try medication. i was worried it would take away my creativity (though i was suffering so much i was willing to trade that) however it really just made the negatives of my mental illness more manageable. im more able to channel my creativity in healthy ways. it actually allowed me to be more me than ever! that being said, if you decide you dont want to be medicated (and that is an option!) many people find success with frequent regular therapy sessions to build a toolbox to handle their symptoms. in my opinion you can effectively do therapy without medication (although it takes dedication to improving), but you cant really do medication without therapy!

i can tell you that i know what its like to feel like youre losing your mind and not be able to sleep and feel out of control and stuff, thats how i feel when im manic, and its. bad. like it feels good sometimes when youre like agitated and happy. but when youre agitated and upset, god is it bad. im hoping you get through this without any major crises. i recommend telling a friend youre feeling unstable so that they can check in with you. that line that you quoted specifically too, its so insane. like it describes the feeling so well. you know youre crossing lines, and maybe you been this way before and you feel like you should know how to deal with it but you dont because the feeling of being in it is so intoxicating that you just keep moving past the breaking point cuz you cant seem to get a grip no matter how long you live with it.

when i hear bishops knife trick all i can think is "i'll live if it kills me"

[imagineintoeternity]

I feel scared. My gut is churning because I don't feel stable or safe. My world is upside down. I drove through the streets wailing, crying, yelling my distress in my car, through tears. Through endless cold concrete roads. Desperate for connection. Unsure of where I was going, just that I needed to get out. Had to figure out a destination in my gps and just go there and sit in the car. Then figure out some game plan. Who do I call. Who makes me feel safe. Who can I rely on. Who won't try to manipulate my decisions and emotions based on what's happened. I'm glad I called my friend, she's always reliable, responsible, caring. She let me stay over. I just felt homeless or like a domestic abuse victim. And part of me was legitimately thinking.. am I a victim? Or did I choose this? Am I the problem? Am I the financial leech? If I do all the house chores, work part time, pay what I can in rent, look after the pet, the only one who drives (and generally is a taxi when needed), pays for petrol/car insurance/rego, always collects groceries (pays for whenever I go alone), the only one that cooks, i have the mental load of admin of when bills are due or birthdays or events or even reminding partner to take meds or not spend as much money, I have mental inventory of everything in the house and when its low so I can prepare before it runs out, I don't pay for takeout, I pay for vet bills/medicine, I can barely afford my own necessities so I'm always in poverty mode. I study as well and I'm sporadically all over the place with the amount of mental/emotional work in my head for each client's support needs, and driving to each physical context can be frazzling. My neurodivergence means I get burned out quicker. My trauma means it's taken me longer to learn life skills. My lack of family social supports means I'm pretty isolated. Theres no safe place to go immediately thats family, my mum is interstate. Everyone else is overseas. My mum basically inserted herself into men's lives/houses and stayed in dysfunctional relationships for survival. I met my current partner while essentially homeless and just did the same thing. And I'm just wondering was it dysfunctional from the start. I was seeking someone who could be relied upon in every way, just as I try to reciprocate this back in every single way. I don't want both of our traumas to be triggered in every single conflict. And for it to spiral out of control. I don't want to feel resentment but I do. I don't want to be doing so much of the mental load, house admin, life admin, and I don't want to feel like I'm asking for much when I expect this just to be a basic pillar of support. It's this vicious cycle of both of us being stubborn. I'm told I still need to be communicating my needs, even when it comes to basic house upkeep. I am the only one that wants to decorate the house and make it feel livable. I also have to tidy and unbox my partners boxes full of sentimental and tech gadgets and excess that is hard for him to rid of. I don't think it's fair it should fall on me. I don't think it's fair I have to do more of this type of mental labour. I don't think it's fair to turn around and manipulate me with words like "I got adhd meds for you, otherwise I wouldn't care" or "I didn't want to rent but I did it cuz you wanted to" or "you think I'm a burden and you just don't want me in the house" or "whens the last time you showed me affection" and trying to make data out of human complex memories which are obviously hazy and tainted by emotional bias. I shouldn't have to coddle someone's extreme self-deprecating thoughts. It's so confusing. So it makes me feel like I'm the villain. Am I being manipulated?

It's just a bit absurd that I don't really have a choice. And the only thing I keep thinking now is get full time job and just find a different living situation. Live with ladies who just reciprocate in harmony and don't have to be micromanaged.

So I screamed and screamed through tears. So much pain and trauma and distress was released. So much panic. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I don't understand what comes next. I have anxiety because my abandonment trigger is being hit. I feel like I'm codependent with my partner. I feel like it's no healthy. I don't know what we should do.

[kisssssessssssyj]

next week i finally have my very first psychiatrist appointment. It‘s mainly so I can get my meds prescribed (I‘m living off of scraps rn it feels like) but I really feel like I have a bunch to talk about.

kinda tw//death, sa, knifes and all that shit I dont wanna have this all open 😭

We can start with the fact that I‘m still super depressed from my mom‘s death, so sad I haven‘t even processed my grandma’s death yet. I still often feel like she‘s still alive I just dont see her as much.

Then my emmetophobia definetly, this phobia forbids me from eating on some days. I have frequent panic attacks when I‘m outside trying to meet people.

adding to that, I dont have any friends. I try to meet ppl irl and I get a panic attack and just leave, that is super embarrassing. I also get bullied at school even tho I‘m a fucking adult idk how that keeps happening to me.

then i need to recover from being sa‘d multiple times, thats something I havent even told many people cuz I‘m actually kinda embarrassed of it all :// I hate that I am

I also need to recover from that year long friendship that ended cuz my friend has a disorder she cant control. I‘m so sad she left my life even tho she has been the girl that came at me with a knife once. I know her diagnosis and I know so much about her that makes me think there is so much more. I wish she was still my friend and I wish we could ever find a way to match again

I especially need to learn how to trust people, anyone nice to me I feel like is just there to backstab me, like when classmates outed me as jewish infront of my classe‘s neo nazi. I‘m always scared to post on the internet cuz I think people will know its me.

actual intrusive thoughts haunt me, not those „oh lemme throw my sandwich at him“ but holding a knife is so scary to me cuz what if I accidentally stab someone??? adding to that I have this thing that when my wrists and neck arent coverd I feel so anxious (??) I‘ve had this since elementary school, it‘s kinda the only thing i remember from my time then but, when I dont wear a watch or a turtleneck i have to cover my wrists and neck because i literally feel like I‘m about to die. (it‘s not a constant thing but definitely often)

i dont sh anymore or have any thoughts of wanting to die and that I‘m very proud of but those arent the only symptoms of any disorder. I‘ve only ever been diagnosed with adhd, (dyslexia and dyscalculia) and depression but I know there is way more, especially do I think that I have autism since my symptoms go beyond just adhd.

now on a happier note and talking about adhd, my friend thinks he has adhd aswell (no diagnosis but me with my knowledge can definitely tell) and he talks about not wanting to take meds or anything, not cuz he feels like they’re bad or anything but because he has found a work place where he can work just like that and doesnt need that help of meds, I kinda felt like sharing cuz I‘m proud of him :3 thats my goal in life, finding a job in which I can work without any sort of meds <3

this was a long ass talk that could also be put in a diary but eh I’m not buying one and notes app is reserved for actual important things (like school work and appointments) tumblr is my personal diary.

thinking about it, I should maybe buy a diary and also write in it in German so I dont loose my skills (dyslexia affects mostly German for some reason I’m pretty good at English writing)

so i talked wayyyyyy too much but idc, if you read it all which i doubt cuz no one is on my blog, lmk cuz ily🙏😔😍

[lainsim]

and like being on the "moral ocd" site that Tumblr is has been a wild thing to return to cuz I'm finding people I used to relate to I cant stand anymore. like this website is so full of this idea that if you just have the right beliefs then youre a good person butlike

when it comes to my neuroognitive experiences I cant really hold any belief for long no matter how hard I try and at the same time I don't need to be convinced of anything cuz of someone says something a certain way my brain will interpret it as my own thought/opinion/belief to the extent you can make me believe in anything and everything, even when I know *logically* its not true because I cant really help it. like I've had really surreal days where I visit family for some holiday and I find myself interacting as tho I hold some weird libertarian right wing beliefs and then I go to my friends house and I'm an anarchist and in both circumstances I find I cant *not* hold those beliefs which is very alarming! it also makes posts about like "some of you could easily be convinced to be fascists" and that's just fully freaky cuz I don't need to be convinced you just need to say shit in a certain way and I'll have to spend like hours and hours pealing it out of my brain like dead skin off a sunburn it sucks!

i found a way around some of these things tho? like I cant seem to hold beliefs but I can hold desires! so like the thing that's tempered this is just wanting everyone to be happy? that kinda helps me return to some measure of baseline. likewise with identity at a certain point I took advice from otherkins people and was like. "well if I cant hold onto my own identity then store bought is fine" and just made a lil pneumonic about the character Lain of the Wired since shes already a representation of depersonalisation anyways I figured out that saying to myself like "if I don't feel like anyone then I feel like Lain and if I feel like Lain then I am someone!" and its silly but its helped? idk I'm rambling too much this morning I should probably have breakfast and take my meds

ngl I really dont like the language around transness like not cuz its not useful for some people but like when it comes to interacting with transness my cognitive nonsense makes things real complicated. like I don't remember what it was like being an egg so a lot of the jokes about it kinda make me feel like more of an outsider. and like due to how incredibly intense my like mind/body disconnect is (or like concious thought v everything else) I don't interact with like sexuality and stuff the same way normal people do like I kinda call myself asexual even tho I am attracted to women just cuz a long with every other emotion it doesn't feel much different than like any kind of base bodily function, there's no like meaning attach and its overwhelming so its just a feeling to get rid of like needing to pee or whatever. but saying that kinda results in people thinking I'm doing like self-denial or am repressed and need "fixing" like sorry I tried that for 6 years it sucked my brain just doesn't work that way anymore. when it comes to *identity* I cant hold anything for very long as like any kinda internal schema so recent discourse about how you shouldn't like pick and choose identity and that its rather a thing about like material circumstance or experience just translates to "I do not exist" cuz I cant feel any of that the way I used to before. idk like "blindsight vampire" is probably more accurate than "person" nowadays anyhow. idk this is rambling I'm tired

[sukirichi]

overtime

You let your boyfriend release stress from working overtime.

REQUEST. med! student au / doctor! au + forbidden relationship + praising kink + dacryphilia

CONTENT/WARNINGS. praising kink, dacryphilia, face fucking, huge age gap (Nanami is like 20 years older), mentions of gloomy atmospheres expected of medical centres, gagging, mentions of previous lovemaking sessions

NOTES. ah thank you for this request anon, i’m really in love with the whole med student / doctor au ingredient cuz well...it’s sorta self-indulgent. i hope you liked this as much as i did!

The familiar stingy aroma of disinfectant looms at every corner of the wall, pressing down beneath your scrubs and deep into your scrubs. You find it ironic that the walls are always so white, barely any colour to surround the entire building. Growing up, you believe that white represents tranquillity, silence, and serenity – which is the exact opposite of what university hospitals really are.

You’re no stranger to the pained moans echoing at the ends of the hall, the sight of children with sunken cheeks playing with a cannula almost too painful to look at.

The clock above the front desks reads that it’s a little past four in the morning, and you’re beyond weary. You’ve grown used to just being high off caffeine and being satisfied with quick ten minute naps before you’re summoned again. People always ask you, why choose this profession? You could make as much money without having to be this tired, to which you always respond with a frown, claiming that it’s never about the money and actual working professionals are a lot more exhausted than you are, yet not once have they complained.

They do have their days though, and it just so happens that it’s one of your superior’s days as he tugs at your wrist, dragging you inside the nearest empty room before soft lips dive down to capture yours.

You don’t have to open your eyes to know it’s him.

You’ve fooled around long enough with your superior to know it’s his scent washing over yours, that all too familiar tent growing in his pants pressing between your legs and bumping your core as a silent promise of what’s to come next. A stuttered, breathy moan immediately greets his ears when he pins your arms overhead, his lips falling into the sweet column of your neck.

It’s clear that this is wrong – both of you know this – but the pleasure and need to relieve stress in such an overwhelming environment clouds both your consciousness that neither parties pull away.

Your relationship with him started off with just curiosity.

Doctor Nanami is a well accomplished man, earning beyond money and titles in his twenty years of service in the field. He knows he looks good, knows he’s irresistible every time he comes in front of the class, looking equally dashing in either a nude suit or in white coats. Someone of his age and experience definitely is no fool to the way his bright eyed student’s gaze lingers over his lips as she stays behind in class to ask about something she doesn’t get far longer than should be necessary.

He’s an expert at the human body more than anything else – Nanami knows lust when he sees one.

And he’s always been such a kind, concerned doctor who only wants everyone to feel better that how could he say no to you, especially when you’re only so eager to suck him off under the table, getting off to the fact your pretty lips are wrapped around his thick and veiny cock?

What once starts off as a mutual agreement to use each other for pleasure while still keeping the faux professionalism to not lose face, something shifts during the stolen kisses during break times and heated touches as promises of I’ll see you later after overtimes. Private tutoring sessions turns into moments of reminiscing childhoods, hands splayed all over his chest while he tucks you in his arms, mumbling something about always have wanting to be his own version of a hero.

Things move faster than both of you realize, the titles dropped and replaced with sweethearts and good morning sir topped with a sweet, intimate smile that only he could ever know the meaning of.

It’s simple, longing, and definitely unprofessional, even more so when Nanami pushes you down on the floor, eager hands unbuckling his belt to spring his cock free. Your mouth salivates at the red pulsing tip already leaking with pre-cum, your tiny hands on its way to wrap itself around his base when Nanami takes matters into his own hands and slips his cock through your lips in one thrust.

Your back hits the wall and your eyes spring with tears, gurgled sounds of Nanami fucking down your throat lewd and dirty in the empty room. He sighs, chest panting and hands cradling your head. “You feel so good, sweetheart,” he praises, bucking his hips further inside. “Don’t know what I’d do without you here, always so ready to make me feel good.”

The moan you let out vibrates around his cock, fuelling his desire intensely.

Nanami has always been gentle with you; as a man who values time over anything else, he likes to savour each second he has with you, slow, rough hands running up and down the curve of your spine before he flicks his tongue deep within your pussy, wanting to make you cum countless times before he makes love to you. Had you both been home, he’d cradle your face and stare deep into your eyes as he fucks you, sweat tinged from the slight burrow of his brows as he commands, “Look at me. Look at me when I’m fucking you, angel.”

And you being you, you’ll remain submissive to the pleasure he’s more than glad to give you, leg wrapping around his waist all to feel the way he’s hitting deep inside your sopping cunt.

He’s impatient this time around, and you can’t blame him. You’ve barely seen each other from hours of working overtime, with you staying up late to study for finals and him barely leaving the operating rooms. You gladly let him use you like this just as he’s allowed you to cum multiple times before despite his clear order to hold back, but Nanami is a soft man at heart, unable to resist his precious lover when you’re trembling around him like that.

Nanami places a palm at the back of your head to prevent you getting fucked into the wall, his pace not slowing down a bit. He gazes at you under his lashes, cheeks hollowed and drool dribbling from the edges of your lips.

He finds you utterly filthy, a complete contrast to the well-put med-student who’s always admired and looked up to by their peers. Nanami groans as his tip hits the back of your throat, your nose pressing down on the neatly trimmed blond hairs brushed on his base. You gag around him, the tears crystallizing your cheeks. Filthy, yet still so pretty his little angel is, and for a moment, Nanami pauses, captivated by your beauty.

His cock is still pulsing inside your mouth, a thumb running across your tears to wipe them away. Nanami grabs your chin to tilt your head up, and he swears he could cum right then and there. You’re kneeling on the bleached floors, eyes wide with a tinge of innocence, tears collected in your lashes and cheeks sucked to take him in deep.

“Always so pretty for me, angel,” he coos, sliding his drenched cock out your mouth gruesomely slow, stopping only with the tip in. “Is my cock making you cry? You’ve taken me before, angel, this isn’t difficult for you now, is it?”

You hum around his cock as a response, and Nanami bucks into your mouth by accident, causing his length to slip past your walls until he’s right at your throat.

He’s big and long, his dick always having been a blessing to the both of you, but at this time, it feels more like a curse. Drips of cum paints the back of your mouth but you only grip your thigh harder, ignoring the painful throbbing of your cunt that’s so needy for him already. You remind yourself not to be selfish and focus on him instead, to your precious superior who needs you to help get his mind off things.

Eager to be of service as always, you swipe your tongue all over the ridges of his cock, making sure to press the wet muscle harder on the prominent veins. Nanami throws his head back to moan, his nails gently scraping your scalp with each thrust.

It’s hard to tell who’s setting the pace, but it becomes clear as you kneel there motionlessly, squeezing his ass instead while he relentlessly fucks your mouth. His groans are growing louder, breaths falling out of rhythm with each passing seconds. Your eyes are shut tight as you let him abuse your throat, hitting deep inside you with each precise thrust in addition to his balls slapping your chin.

Your face is sopping wet, both from drool, tears, and his cum. You stay there like a good girl, doing your best to breathe through your nose as he throbs inside you. Nanami’s words are garbled and incomprehensible, enticed to only snap his harder when he sees your tears streaming down your face and wetting your scrubs.

His length slips past inside your mouth into an impossibly deeper angle as he tugs your hair up, his knees bent just to continuously pummel against your tonsils as if it was his own winning goal. Your cries increase in volume at the way he’s losing himself in you, forgetting to watch the back of your head before he thrusts all the way, keeping you flat and frozen gagging on his cock, nose nudged against his hairs.

Nanami’s groan is accompanied by the twitching of his cock, and he cums, thick spurts of white shooting down your throat. You try to pull yourself away from him after that, thinking that he’s satisfied, but he only grips your hair harder as a warning.

Still struggling to breathe, you swallow around his thick saliva-drenched length, the mere motion of you gulping making your walls close down on him.

Nanami grunts at the oversensitivity and he pulls out, his dick growing boneless and soft.

He’s utterly spent, your drool and his cum dripping down to the floors in audible plaps. Nanami sighs as he takes sanitary wipes from the unused desk to wipe his dick clean, while you stay on the ground, palms flat beneath you as you pant for air.

You can tell you’ll have a sore throat by tomorrow because you utterly fucked, voice growing hoarse with each failed cough. Falling back onto the wall, you close your eyes, only to snap them open again when you feel something wet and warm rubbing your skin.

Nanami is in front of you, his touch gentle and eyes soft as he cleans your face, thumb absentmindedly cradling your bottom lip.

You don’t fight back the smile that matches his. Even after everything, Nanami is still your boyfriend, someone who isn’t just a good fuck to you anymore. This is only one of the reasons you’ve fallen so madly in love with him; his effortless ability to take care of others truly meritorious of him.

He dunks them into nearest bin and kisses you flat on the lips, his large hand cupping your cheeks. You sigh into the slow kiss, enjoying what little – and fleeting – time you have with him.

Nanami pulls away with a popping sound, a lovesick smile on his usually stoic expression. It makes you feel giddy and even a little shy, forgetting the fact he just fucked your skull seconds ago, but it’s rare that he lets his guard down anywhere that isn’t the comfort and safety of his home. You’re his home though, and he kisses you one last time, the gesture telling a thousand more words than he’s ever able to.

“Thank you,” he whispers, “I promise I’ll make it up to you when we’re both home.”

You don’t stop him once he finally leaves the room, his rushed footsteps to make it back to the operating room a signal for you to get back to work too. It’s already five am when you’ve made it back to your post, but instead of feeling tired, you’re a lot more energized compared to when you first got here.

Perhaps working overtime isn’t so bad after all, not when there’s always a promise you and Nanami are never leaving the bed for the free weekend.

You’ll just have to be patient.

[59writes]

SEVENTEEN- REACTION: THEIR S/O GETS INJURED (PT. 1)

written for the lovely @honeyylin

again, thank u for being my first request, I will love u eternally (:

I might do the other version still, idk yet!!! but I hope this is satisfactory!!!

(also shout out to my phone for autocorrecting “finally” to “fistula” I hate it here lol)

tw: food, injury

SEUNGCHEOL

• Homeboy would do his damn best to stay focused on whatever task at hand!!!

• he knows you’re a responsible person and you reassured him on the phone that you’re completely fine, but he’s still got the jitters

• but after he zones out for the third time in a row, Jihoon kicks him out of the studio and tells him to go home

• “you’ll do better there, hyung.”

• “But… the songs-“

• “you’re not exactly contributing right now. go home.”

• and so he does, fidgeting the whole way back

• his anxiety is truly at a peak as he reaches the apartment door, practically chewing through his lip as he fumbles with the keys

• he calls your name the second the door swings open

• “y/n?”

• your head pops up from the couch, tired but grinning wildly. “Cheol!”

• the next thing you know he’s wrapping you in a hug, tension finally leaving him

• “I thought you were at the studio.” You frown when he finally moves away.

• “Jihoon made me leave.” He pouts, sitting down on the floor, eyes even with your leg, which is propped up on a chair. “I was too… out of it?”

• “Aw. I’m really okay, Cheol.” You assure again, reaching down to grab his hand, giving it a squeeze.

• “I know, I know. Just… worried.”

• It’s very clear he’s trying not to make a fuss and ask a million questions about the state of your existence, so you pat the couch next to you.

• “C’mon, we’ve got the day off now. Do you wanna finish the show?”

• His face reluctantly breaks into a grin, hopping up to join you on the couch

• and both of you forget about the pains for a little while as you lose yourself in the screen

• it’s peaceful and warm, and finally, you both get a chance to slow down

• maybe you should get injured more often (/j)

JEONGHAN

• he trusts that you’re completely fine, but he does not trust that you won’t somehow hurt yourself again

• he will babyproof the house for the next few days

• “nope, you’re not allowed to chop vegetables. give me the celery.”

• “hey! let me get that, idiot, you’re hurt.”

• “I don’t care. If you want the cat then text me and I’ll get her for you.”

• just generally being a nuisance, you know how it is

• but still, in his babyproofing he does make sure you take your pain meds on time, setting a little alarm on his phone so he can wake you up with a glass of water and your pills

• he also doordashes you your favorite food without announcing like he just says “Steve is on his way with food” and you have to just ponder who Steve is until some guy knocks on your door

• “he paid me extra to say that you’re the love of his life, so…”

• “let’s not and say we did.”

• he always makes sure to order something sweet too (:

• but yeah he’s doing work around the house and forcing you to stay in bed

• tbh it’s like having a very bossy butler lol

• but hey, at least he’s actually doing his own laundry for once!

JOSHUA

• oh my god he drops everything when he gets your text

• it’s literally just “hey josh can I get some help? I hurt myself moving some furniture” and this man goes feral

• you know how someone is so anxious that their brain shuts off and they’re scarily calm??? Joshua.

• he’s at your house in like, five minutes

• and tbh you just wanted him to finish moving the bookshelf so you didn’t have to

• but now he’s gently scolding you while wiping dirt and blood from your leg

• it’s not even that big of a cut but he’s treating it like open heart surgery

• like his hands are so gentle…

• of course he moves the bookshelf after a little more scolding before like,,, making soup like this man would definitely make soup

• like it’s just an annoying cut that’s gonna leave a bruise and this man is making some chicken noodle in the next room over like you’re dying of pneumonia

• it’s some good ass soup tho (:

JUN

• he would not know what to do tbh but he would be excellent company while you waited to heal

• he’d definitely be very panicky but would hide it as best he could!! cuz you’re the top priority!!!

• he’d lurk and when you get up he’d be like “do you need anything? aspirin? food?” and you’re just like “Jun I’m good I just need to go to the bathroom”

• he definitely knows exactly what you like, and does his best to do things like keep your favorite show on, or make you tea.

• (even when you assure him that you’re fine)

• his help is very random and antsy but still excellent lol

• and the fact that he’s constantly here to help really proves how much he cares about you and your health (:

HOSHI

• oh god, this man

• he’d be all over the place

• overreacting and then scolding and then just zoning out and then he falls asleep smh.

• this man would get out a chainsaw and ask which door you stubbed your toe on so he can destroy it lol

• but alas, no chainsaw is around (thank goodness)

• and so Soonyoung just gets to blame everything else while you’re replacing bandages or whatever

• like, he’s going on about how “just because they have safety stickers on ladders doesn’t mean they’re safe!!” and you’ll hold out your hand for gauze and he’d instinctively just grab it and put it in your hand even though he’s on a bit of a rampage

• he also most definitely is the kind to get a stuffed animal for when you’re hurt lol like every time you get sick or injured badly he gets you a bear that says “get well soon” on its stomach or on the heart it holds in its hands and eventually you just have a pile of creatures encouraging you to be healthy

WONWOO

• this man is just. excellent

• he’s caring without being demeaning, and is just so so so helpful

• he comes home and sees your arm bandaged up and just asks what happened

• and you tell him the story and he tries to hide his smile when he hears about your dumb mistake

• but still he’s patient and willing to help!!

• it’s like he could read your mind on what you needed and would just materialize behind you with a drink or an aspirin or something

• and he’d stay in the room with you whenever he could, reading or texting silently

• it was nice having such a caring presence next to you, even if he didn’t chat much

• I mean, the quiet helped you nap more easily too

• and somehow whenever you woke up, he was still there, keeping an eye on you

• if he had to leave for whatever reason he’d gently wake you up to let you know he was headed out and to call him if you need anything

• he makes the healing process peaceful (:

WOOZI

• when he hears the news he’s just. suddenly very very quiet

• like this man is out of it.

• he brushes off the others when they ask what happened, and makes it through the day fairly uneventfully

• when he gets home you almost don’t hear him, only noticing when he shuts the door

• “Jihoon?”

• He beelines straight to you before wrapping you in a huge hug. big tight hug.

• definitely swaying back and forth a little <3

• but you’re just like “woah ok bud what’s up with you”

• and one look at his face says everything

• it’s just been so much: the stress of a comeback, dealing with the managers and the other boys, and then his s/o gets hurt on top of that?

• maybe he needs a break too

• and so you both take one

• I hope you like sleeping lol

• basically you guys take the next few days to recover, just ordering food up and watching shows in silence before falling asleep together on the couch or even the floor once (hey the rug is soft!!!)

• and one day you wake up to find your injury no longer aching

• and the bed is empty next to you

• so you get up and peer down the hallway

• and Jihoon is in the kitchen, playing soft classical music while cutting vegetables

• he notices as you approach, silently offering you a carrot stick

• “I see you’re feeling better too?”

• he nods.

• you both spend the rest of the morning waking up again, cleaning the house and making food, Jihoon’s energy and personality slowly coming back too

• maybe your break wasn’t as much of him taking care of you, but you taking care of each other

• almost as if you’re tied together somehow, your ups and downs mutual

• either way, after that you’re both a lot more aware of the balance and way of recovery you two have

• and you can predict things in advance for next time!

[strangelysamantha]

reassurance ❀

arthur ketch x plus!insecure!reader.

warnings: insecure reader, reader gets hurt, mention of blood, stab wounds, besides that cute fluff.

words: 1,242.

summary: arthur ketch is over you being insecure, because he knows your perfect. it takes you being stabbed to realize how deep his adoration is for you.

request? yes! from dms “…i would like the plus size reader and him to be in a relationship and be on a job and she gets stabbed in the stomach or something and he has to heal her with first aid but she doesn't want him to lift her shirt cuz she's so insecure of her stomach and its fat around him? and he stops being so harsh and sweetens his demeanor for his girlfriend?”

a/n: sorry this is late! struggled with some technical issues. more stories out today!! love y’all! if you enjoyed this story, like and comment! also i haven’t seen supernatural in a year or two so i hope this is good as i’m writing it off memory. <3

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

you were currently in a relationship with arthur ketch. the two of you had been dating for a little over six months. although you loved him dearly, you couldn’t help but feel insecure around him. the jokes he made, although he always meant well and it was all for fun, didn’t stop you from feeling insecure around him. you two were going strong; and you had a great relationship. the only downside was you actively went out of your way to avoid him seeing your stomach at all costs. he knew what you looked like, but he respected your boundaries, he never wanted to push or pressure you into anything especially if you weren’t comfortable with it.

arthur ketch, despite telling you to stay back, was undeniably walking into a death trap. you couldn’t just stand by and watch him proceed as if it wasn’t his stupidest idea, and granted, he has had a great share of awful ideas. you followed close behind him on foot, carefully ensuring that he didn’t see you following after him. once the coast was clear, you quickly moved closer to inspect the situation at hand.

despite your various efforts to remain unseen by him, he had seen you, and he wasn’t happy about it. “god! you never listen, and now you're with me. just another distraction. stay behind me, and actually listen to me this time.” his frustration was evident, but he was caught off guard. this is what allowed sam to approach us, a shiny knife in hand. you were startled by him, not prepared for what his plan was. he looked off, scarier, his eyes looked dead.

“uh… ketch?!” you exclaim, he looks away from you, back at sam. ketch straightens his back. “nice seeing you again sam, although, i can’t help but wish it was under better circumstances.” you bite your lip in anticipation waiting for what was going to happen next. sam chuckles, “oh trust me, the feeling isn’t mutual.” sam approached you two, his knife pointed outwards towards ketch specifically. “who’s this?” his knife now pointed at you. “no one. just an innocent bystander. leave her out of it.” you slowly back up, but sam’s smirk showcased he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“i don’t want to kill you, mr. arthur ketch. just want to scare you a bit, show you who you are messing with.” in a split second, before you even realized it, sam had sent the knife flying. ketch was confused since he hadn’t felt anything, that was until he looked behind at you. your eyes were wet from tears, and sam’s silver knife was lodged into your stomach, blood already coating your shirt.

ketch turned around looking for sam, but he had already vanished, clearly completing his mission. his mind was running rampant, not entirely sure on how he should handle this situation. luckily ketch’s adrenaline kicked into hard drive, and he was sprinting towards you. his hand swiftly was placed on your stomach, and you undoubtedly became self conscious. you push his hand away, scared he’d see how big you were. “ketch please don’t!” he shook his head, annoyed. “you will die! i need to touch and see your stomach.” you shook your head, crawling away from him, the knife still sticking out of your stomach.“dont! don’t look at my stomach. please, i don’t want you to see!” his emotions were conflicted, “why can’t i just see your stomach!? i need to help you! do you not understand that if i don’t check on the wound you’ll bleed out and die!?” you shake your head, “i don’t care! please just call an ambulance, do anything you want, BUT don’t lift my shirt up or touch my stomach.” you begged, the pain taking over as you hissed when you exhaled too much.

“i don’t care what you want. you act like i care about your weight. i love you for you, okay? if i didn’t like your stomach, and i was so “disgusted” by it, i wouldn’t be here. hell! we wouldn’t even be dating!” he reached for your shirt again, you tried to push his hand away, but he slapped your hand away. “stop. i’m looking regardless of what you do.” he slowly lifts the shirt. his eyes saddened as he saw how deep the knife was. “stay here, i have a first aid kid in my car. don’t move.” you frown, self conscious as your entire stomach was on display. he runs towards his car, leaving you alone bleeding out on the pavement.

when he comes back, you felt lightheaded and sick. he lifts your shirt again. “i promise you, i love you for you. regardless of your weight, or stomach, or whatever. on any other day, i would listen to your requests, but not when your life's on the line.” you nod, as he takes a wet cloth, wiping away the mess the blood caused. he continues to deal with the wound. after he cleaned it as best he could, he helped you up. “come on we need to go to the hospital, you need stitches.” you frown but follow him to his car.

when you arrived at the hospital, you were immediately checked in. they took you back and gave you stitches. while in surgery, ketch was out in the waiting room, his hand covered in your blood. when looking down at his hands, he begins to feel disgusted. he rushes to the bathroom, thoroughly washing his hands with soap. he returns to the waiting room, his leg shaking. he was caught in a trance before he heard your name. “yes! is she alright?” the nurse smiles softly, nodding.

“yes she’s okay, she’s in recovery, just calming down. you’re lucky you cleaned it, and got her here when you did. when she checked in she was minutes away from losing too much blood.” his smile leaves his face as soon as it comes. the shock is evident as he realizes he could have lost you. “can i see her?” he asked the nurse. “yes, follow me.” he follows the nurse to your room.

you were sitting up in the hospital bed, your stomach aching from pain as the pain meds were wearing off. “ketch…” he shushes you. “calm down, you’re okay. i- i can’t believe i almost lost you.” you nod, and he frowns. he scoots the chair closer to the bed before sitting on it, his hand reaching for yours. “i’m sorry i wouldn’t let you see my stomach.” you wait for his response. “it’s okay. i understand you are self conscious of it, i just wish you could understand that i don’t care about what you look like, i don’t care about your weight, or anything like that.” you nod, “i know you don’t, it’s just sometimes i forget.” he nods, staying silent. 

his hand is warm against your hand. “try and get some rest. you’ve been through a lot.” he glances up at you, and sees a soft smile on your lips. “okay.” your hesitation was evident, “i’ll be here when you wake up.” you sigh. “okay.” you lean back, trying to get some rest like he had asked. soon, he heard you had fallen asleep, his heart never stopped beating quickly. the realization that you wouldn’t have been alive if the situation was any different scared him. now, he was contemplating ways to get back at sam, for putting you in this situation.

[cryptidpiss]

don't worry about forgetting your drinks, as long as you're trying that's perfect. besides, i'll make sure you catch up on any hydration.

so what's an ideal full bladder session look like to you? what kind of stuff would you like to try while i'm using your bladder as a plaything? are there any pet names you like being called, in terms of humiliation vs praise? you don't have to spell it all out now, you can take some time to think about it and tell me when you get the chance. no promises, of course, i might decide to be extra mean to your bladder just for fun, but i'd like an idea of your limits, too.

i like for things to end with a wetting shdjdkybk i just hold it and hold it until i can’t hold it any longer ..,, i just like the feeling of a full bladder and pushing myself as much as possible i think either begging to pee and being told no until i wet myself or having to earn permission to pee somehow thats the ideal to me……………. i wanna be leaking before i can pee i wanna start leaking and keep trying to hold it and be a good boy………… maybe they decide to be nice and decide i’ve done a good enough job waiting for permission and allow me to pee……. maybe they just tell me no until i lose control and then i get scolded…… but i only wanna get lightly scolded im too sensitive for actual degradation 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 like the kind of teasing that’s sweet but condescending…….. 

i like to be called a good boy…… and pet :3 i dunno about any other pet names i haven’t thought about it or really been called pet names before . the only thing i can be sure i would dislike is anything that’s infantilizing like baby boy or something cuz i cant do ageplay stuff.. anything that starts sounding like ageplay starts making me uncomfortable ……..

and i love being teased i love getting teased for being needy or desperate or for enjoying being made to do embarrassing things like beg. you don’t even have to tell me to beg though i’ll beg anyway. and… hmm.. how do i describe it.. i like the kind of humiliation where someone makes you admit to enjoying the things theyre teasing you about or like describe things like ummm describe how much you want to touch yourself or something like that except that one im still working on cuz i think it’s hot but then i get so embarrassed i cant even do it. attempting to type out all of this is sooo embarrassing but i like it but its so hArd 😭😭😭😭😭😭 communication kink except when you actually try to say what you want you die of embarrassment

you can be however mean you want though…………. i like the thought of someone being really mean to my poor bladder………. i think the only limits are really like………. i can’t do stuff around other people cuz that makes me feel awkward embarrassed instead of sexy embarrassed. i dont particularly enjoy the do exercises challenges because im lazy and dont wanna do jumping jacks (stretching is ok though but im just like look ive got no muscle ok i cant do a bunch of crunches) and tragically i cant have caffeine cuz my meds (hashtag chronic illness) (although someone told me i should get dandelion tea cuz it doesn’t have caffeine and is a diuretic? but i havent gotten any yet 🤨) oh yeah and i don’t like infantilizing stuff as mentioned earlier i cannot do ageplay 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but ummm thats about it you can be as mean as you want if i beg and plead and say i can’t hold it you can ignore me and tell me to keep holding it anyway :P unless i literally cant hold it and piss myself. cant really unpiss myself once ive pissed myself. sorry now im just being silly. oh yeah and punishments are also welcome. also stuff like edging and asking permission to cum is allowed thats just up to the other person cuz i know for others omo is like differing levels of sexualness? idk but for me if i have to pee i will have a boner and whoever else can decide if they want to do something with that information depending on their level of comfort idc. and also i like addressing people formally cuz it makes me feel more subby like you know sir or maam or some other gender neural title (usually i would say boss as the gender neutral title but one of my anons is boss now in my mind im like boss is a name now) but thats also up to the other person cuz not everybody likes that so it’s not required (i dont even like being addressed with a title in regular everyday life so i get it) but ok i think thats it i think that’s all

oh wait i also live with people so im kind of limited to wetting in the tub cuz of cleanup and stuff ok NOW thats all