#and now im about to lose everything
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WhatsApp simply forced an AI inside of it's app and the thing is SO UGLY. Literally ugly! There's a hovering button and it's colors aren't even in the WhatsApp colors so now the main page makes me feel so overwhelmed..... i hate it so much
#rant#->#and no i cant leave the app#whatsapp is the most used app in brazil#we simply cannot live without it. it's our communication method#telegram is filled with right wingers#ughhhhhh#now my statuses are filled with all my contacts 'having fun' with it#friends etc#feels like losing a war for real#i hate it here. i hate how everything in brazil ends up in pizza (national expression for 'every discussion will end up in a joke')#nobody really cares about nothing at all. they will fight as long as nobody spits a joke out. once someone does we're all friends again#this is why we can't get shit done#im so tired#sorry for the rant#nonsims#non sims
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DFF ep9 spoilers
I love gay revenge, I LOVE gay revenge, I love gay REVENGE, I love GAY revenge, HOWEVER
I also love brothers with an uncrossable chasm between them whose parents compare them who lose each other and their entire family along the way... guess what I'm saying is, I love guilty golden boy brother revenge, too
#that shit was so good#i'm so disappointed in phee for losing FOCUS i could write a whole post about it lmfaoo#i was defending you despite all your red flags for being someone who really really fights for your loved ones n now look at you#but it's delicious tragedy im glad he is caught up in this shit without actually knowing the full scope of jin's crimes#and i'm transferring my affections to new as the person who keeps his focus and keeps his fight#poor joker smiling orphan boy#poor guilty asthmatic smoker who THROWS AWAY HIS ENTIRE LIFE#everything he ever worked for everything his conditionally loving parents ever valued about him#to get some JUSTICE!! phee look at my man then look back at yourself#dead friend forever#dff spoilers#dff the series spoilers#dff
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stars and scars
#NO ONE BE WEIRD#now that thats out of the way im gonna rant about some of my headcanons in the tags:#for starters i like to cover kevin in scars#your typical battle scars and scrapes etc but also#i like to think transforming into ultimate kevin would have left some scaring on kevin#like how when you go through a growth spurt or gain a lot of weight or lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time you get stretch marks#but more grotesque because the skin would have been pulled and warped in a matter of seconds rather than over the course of a few days#as for gwen i just need her anodite form to look super celestial and fantasy adjacent#yeah i think that’s everything#kevin levin#gwen tennyson#gwevin#ben 10#fran does art
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I'm loving this new game and how it gives a whole new depth to Adler that we haven't seen before. this info makes it a lot more interesting/adds a whole other level to write a sort of dark romance bell x adler series
#btw i know what bruce thomas said about adler never caring for bell#i love bruce but im choosing to ignore him on this one sorry pookie i got fanfic to write#also im sad bc hudson is now canonically dead#and witnessing woods try to pull his life together after losing everything is absolutely heartbreaking#russell adler#black ops 6#bell x adler#call of duty
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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i wish i could get a break from my own emotions, i either feel nothing or everything constantly and so intensely, its so exhausting, i just want a pause, a break, a breather, a vacation from myself, something that lets me live and not be aggravating or aggravated for once
#ganondoodles talks#personal#at this point i almosst want to have a breakdown#if i knew id feel normal afterwards ..#its been over a month of this now- constantly on the edge of a breakdown- the worst i can be#aside from those awful short circuits where i explode for 10 minutes and then feel fine again and rly weird about what i just did#i want a break from this#wasting time doing nothing but feeling things that dont matter and make everything worse#just stop ...............................#im losing even the few connections i made online and cant get myself to start new ones#despite there being people that seem to try and reach out#i am horrible at reaching back#and keeping it alive#if i could at least get rid of the guilt#the guilt from every decision i make or not make#everything always ends into guilt#and it just keeps piling up#even posting these things! guilty feeeling bad over and over
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4 other applicants have come in clutch for the apartment I'm hunting. If I'm still eligible I'll know tomorrow, but only to be called for a showing, if the others in the queue accept and have better conditions than me, I'll lose it. But my agent is still hopeful. Fingers crossed.
#its not the end of the world if i lose it -- ill just lose time and have to search for another one. i really don't want that but yk.#shit never works out precisely how you want them to#i spoke to my brothers and another kinda viable option is to move to spain for a while and he will drive me and nana#i wouldn't mind but jesus. the hassle. but at least it's warm 💀#oki back to writing my concept slice of a hg called 'the healers hands' but I'll post about it tomorrow huhuhu#i have a few concepts that might turn into a game and some smut baking in the back of my mind as that is what is winning the poll#but i have to be honest. smut is so hard to write rn with everything... don't want to say exactly but#it's just a sensitive topic lmao. ill push through but right now im enjoying writing some cozier flirting instead. some tension. i love it.#hope you're doing well#also anon on smut commissions i will get back to you! hope you see this 💀 im just gonna decide what my main project will be and then!!
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Hi y'all, I just wanted to talk a little about the behind the scenes of what I've been up to, to give y'all a little transparency and to open myself up for any tips or input! 🙏 Thank you for your continued support and for taking the time to look at my art 🫶
First and foremost I wanted to give some transparency about my art capacity.
As og followers may remember, I started this blog when I was doing art full time. Eventually my living expenses grew and I had to go back to work. I find myself in a cycle of "I'll make more art soon, once I get a job!" And "I'll make more art soon, once I am done with this job!" I lost my most recent job suddenly, having had an extension waved over my head until the last day(October 7th). Now I'm excited to have more time for art, but I am also feeling a rush to get a new job ASAP as I've been living paycheck to paycheck. I dream of doing this work full time, I'm just scared it's not quite there yet and I worry that I come off as scammy or dishonest when I anticipate more stability around the corner.
Second, I've been struggling with the Patreon. It's taken me a while to come to terms with this, but from what I've seen Patreon is not intuitive at all from the creator end. It doesn't do a good job of organizing addresses, emails, showing who or who isn't subscribed to me, or organizing and displaying the work I put on there. I've been really shocked by this experience, since lots of big names use Patreon. It's been a great way to streamline support, but it's been unhelpful in every other regard. I would like to continue using it, but I will most likely post more wips or process videos there in the future.
Which brings me to my third point, zines. I love making zines so much, it feels personal and fulfilling and fun! However the Patreon issues make it harder to keep information in order about where to send zines, or even where to message folks about them. In addition to this, the post office has been a big barrier to me, oftentimes only being open at the same time as my dayjob. Making zines can take days, then sending them out is a whole other monster.
This work is so important to me. Drawing peoples fantasies, representing body types, creating work around sexuality and the human experience feels like what I'm meant to do. I've made comics since I was a kid. This is the dream to me. The friends I've been able to make through this work are so important to me, and the conversations have been invaluable. Not to mention fun! I wanna doodle, I wanna draw hot stuff, I wanna thirst over these dudes! I want to play!
But I also just want to be transparent about the barriers I'm working around to share that experience. I'm completely self taught, both in art AND in running shops, building websites, running 8 accounts, etc. I take a lot of time to learn the logistics of these things, and try to make them make sense for my relationship with y'all (I do not want to paywall my art!! I don't want to!!!). This year my desktop broke down (the main one I use for all paintings and digital art). I've paused my Etsy shops and my Patreon to try to catch up with things. Trying to learn to paint in a completely different program. Then lost my job with no savings.
At the end of the day I don't want anything to come between me sharing my art with you. I wish I could doodle a thing, take a picture, and post it here. No third party site, no shop, no subscription. Just sharing my art with you. I promise I'm trying to figure out how to stay as close to that as possible, and I want to thank y'all for sticking with me as I untangle all of that.
So, what can you expect in the near future?
I'm working on a couple of painting commissions right now, which you should be able to see in the next couple of days! I want to catch up on kinktober and get those posted as well. There's a comic commission in progress which I'm very eager to work on, and which I think y'all will be excited for! To ease the weight of the Patreon I think I may do less zines/polls there and more wips and process videos! If possible, I want to do more full colored work too.
Thank you again for enjoying my work, and if you have any input or tips my inbox is always open 🙏🫶💕
#long post#info#marco lore#i wish i had time to edit this and make it nice#i just wanted to be open with yall about how much work this takes and that im trying to make it more doable#i don't want to overpromise stuff with patreon or shops and if im late sending stuff i never ever want it to come off as intentional or mali#malicious or as a scam#im just trying very hard to like ...survive. financially. and then trying to make all the logistics of thos big machine work. and then keep#up with commissions and shops and printing and mailing#god i wish i had employees but jts just me#i hand draw everything and then post it here to the word press to the ig and crop and caption and tag#then to the Patreon if it makes sense to or to the tiktok back in the day#and the formatting is all different#and i get messages across all of these platforms and I'm trying to learn a new way of painting on the fly#on top of that im supposed to be running my two Etsy shops too which im not right now because..broadly gestures#my nervous system can only take losing a job so often. the rug was really pulled feom under me in this one. i thought id have more time#i don't want to sound like I'm whining and i don't want to give up on all of this#i want to be very very very clear that art is what i love and who i am and what i want to do#i want to be posting on the daily again#i just need to evaluate what that looks like everytime life changes#I'm seriously so grateful for those of y'all that have joined the Patreon or bought stuff from the shop i really don't mean to drop the ball#so many times#y'all have literally been the difference between me making rent or not and I'm so worried that i don't make enough art to give back to that#relationship#im trying my best#okay anyways im posting this
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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“To know you is to love you.”
#one punch man#OPM#fubuki#psykos#fubukos#psybuki#fubuki x psykos#psykos opm#fubuki opm#carma art#take my heart dont lose it... listen to your heart#do you know how fucking long i spent downloading glaze for this#or uhhh drawing it in general#worth it. this is my lockscreen now. every time i look at it i want to cry. like in a good way. WAHHHHH#everything i draw gets a massive improvement from the last#probably because i was taking a life drawing class at the same time#something about drawing naked people constantly makes you better at anatomy and shading. who knew.#10/10 do recommend. take a life drawing class if youre an artist (and not a perv)#color work has always been my weakest point and im taking a painting class next quarter. none of u are fucking ready for me
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something about luke saying to his teammates “he’ll know what to do” about percy and then the screen just cut off to percy being a little silly 12 years old in the woods petting the animals and jumping and dancing like i love my boy
#i am so close to losing the bet with Hagar because i wanna gif percy dancing on that rock and put it as my header#something about my boy losing his mother and still managed to find a glimpse of hope and being a literal kid#something so simbolic about him being named perseus#the only hero im the greek mythology who got an happy ending#just. everything about it!!!!#percy jackson#pjo tv#pjo#or speaks now
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Tangled The Series would have been very different if Varian were voiced by John Mulaney, huh?
#“You want it? Go get it” *chucks the scroll into a gutter*#“ I told you I’m worried about Corona too you know like a liar”#*almost gets murdered by Andrew twice* “now we don’t have time to unpack all of that”#“Varian why didn’t you do anything when the Saporians took over?!?” “I was over on the bench”#“Is Frederic a good king?” “Whose to say”#*sees Quirin in amber in a red rock induced hallucination* NOO THATS THE THING IM SENSITIVE ABOUT#“Because this is Old Corona and life is a fucking nightmare”#“No offense Varian” “NAWT FUNNAEY”#“I am very small and have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under”#*sees an automaton* “I smell a robot- prove prove”#*gets his fathers acceptance and pride* “THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF LUXURY”#@Andrew “beat it bozo”#Raps fights back against him using the rocks “YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY”#@the fear rocks “everything else is so goddamn weird this might as well happen”#Varian making that bottle rocket that explodes eggs#@Cass during Nothing Left To Lose “you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair”#“Eat ass suck a dick and sell drugs”#tts#tangled the series#rapunzel's tangled adventure#varian
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The past couple days online have been... interesting. I consider myself a leftist, think capitalism is corrupt, and think that it needs to be seriously reformed/overthrown. I admit that while I've thrown around phrases and terms like "burn it all down" and "the revolution needs to come" out of frustration without actually thinking about what a revolution entails: excellent organization, unity, and strategy to defeat the United States, the world's largest military superpower which has inflicted political and social destabilization across the majority of countries around the world. There also needs to be superb infrastructure and community to support the disabled, elderly, and poor populations who rely on government assistance and programs, healthcare, and accommodations while this so-called revolution rages on.
All I've received from the far leftist movement are lectures from condescending intellectuals who rattle off academic citations regarding ideological theory rather than practical, tangible steps to advocate for change in our local and regional communities. I have not seen one of them actually discuss conversations they've had with their friends, family, or Americans about what they want to see reflected for the future of the country. I have not seen one of them discussed how destructive, detrimental and traumatic a Trump presidency was for social prejudice and morale in the United States. I understand that for many marginalized groups they've been living in a facist state for centuries so the possibility Project 2025 doesn't galvanize them to see the two parties differently, but I don't think it is fair to white leftists falsely equivocate the election of both parties for the entire American population at all??? Or like at least specify the issues you're referring to in which you view both parties as the same????? Literally one TikTok creator who I used to follow talked about how true leftists are so much better than liberals because they aren't waiting for a presidential candidate to save the world NOW due to the accelerated apocalypse due to climate change but when asked how to change the world they suggest sharing ideas of your future utopia with other leftist groups. How the fuck is sitting around talking about living in a walkable community is great considered "saving the world now"? How are you going to dismantle and restructure American infrastructure to create these communities? How are you going to remove existing racial and social tensions to create a community where everyone lives happily side by side? Do people not consider reality at all?????
And is it not wrong for people to have a fucking sliver of optimism and hope at incremental change that's achieved within the corrupt bipartisan system of American politics, even if they know it's propaganda??? Is it wrong for people to have a singular fucking moment of relief in feeling like their values, beliefs, and lives will be better protected and THEY can advocate for change better??? Is it wrong when there's a couple months until the most pressing election in recent history for people to make the choice they feel will reduce the most amount of harm???
#literally i've seen some leftists post like the people in the us could never handle the torture that the us inflicts in other countries#like seriously what the actual fuck do you not think most people are struggling here and dying of preventable diseases and being subjected#to hate crimes mental health crisis systemic racism sexism etc.#why the fuck arent you actually helping your community and helping them see how foreign and domestic policy are tied instead of screaming#like so much of this virtue signaling and not being grounded in reality drives me crazy#and im fucking tired of not being allowed to feel happiness about anything unless it's morally socially perfect how the fuck are we suppose#to move the needle if we never fucking feel happy????? like what after your disorganized revolution the way your room is disorganized i can#be happy that i live in a perfect utopia?? NO! that's not how the fucking world works get a grip#i never believed in working within the system but at least other more reasonable leftists have offered tangible solutions to sway politicia#in our favor and retain a little bit of our rights#like this one woman was saying union organizers align themselves with democrats strategically not because they agree with the party but#so that democrats will count on their vote and money and in turn advocate for union rights#like i feel like a far leftist would be like omg how dare you align with the democrats!!! but like honey!!! what the fuck are we supposed t#do??? stick our fucking nose up at the current political system unless we get everything we want to move the party further to the right and#then wake up one day and realize because we were waiting for a perfect system all our fucking rights are gone?????#bffr#i know i am going to lose all of my followers for this post#grace rants#politics#donald trump#kamala harris#joe biden#jd vance#project 2025#2024 elections#also to be clear this is what i feel right now because of the delayed discussion of far-leftism and options and campaigning for candidates#if leftists actually get together and UNIFY and fucking do something i'll consider inching forward to the revolution#but screaming the system is corrupt without giving people solutions or action steps and just giving them severe anxiety is unhelpful
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sometimes i think about daigo interacting with the mundane and thinking about mine and i throw up a little bit ngl
#snap chats#yk what i mean. By Design the first thought that should come to mind with mine is money and expensive things#but instead of seeing expensive watches or flashy cars and thinking of mine i hope daigo thinks about how he liked his coffee#maybe daigo sees an interesting piece of art and wonders what mine wouldve thought of it#maybe daigo tries to read a little more on his downtime- what if mine always had a book on his desk when he'd visit#does daigo listen to classical music more nowadays ? maybe he stares at pianos a little too long now when he spots them#just. remembering the human aspects of mine instead of him being just a piggy bank#it's easy to do when he was/is also in a position where he was only valued for his money or authority/relation to authority#he's haunted! allegedly. in my opinion. haunted by anything and everything that reminds him of him#theres a time and place to be haunted but work hours is not it. until a mfer come into your room and be like#'lol remember that clan.that went under after its patriarch killed himself' and then you have fight the demons not to kill someone#anyway. im gonna sit on a fic of this for nine years while i work good bye everyone#i love it when daigos haunted its so rude#i try not to imagine daigo as solely a grieving widow for until the end of time. however he can have his moments#i think he's allowed to be melancholy about losing his ''''''''best friend''''''' sometimes
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Helloo, how are you?
So its halloween and i have a little request for something scary. Maybe the eternals somehow end up in this very old and problaby haunted house, and then the ghost in said house take a liking for Thena, so they start to hide her and make the others see her when she is not there. And poor Gil is more scared that he would like.
(Also thank you for answering to my asks🩷😭)
"This place really is massive," Gil commented mildly as he moved the flashlight around the walls. It was just the sound of their steps and their breathing. The halls of this old asylum were oppressively quiet.
"It's easily the largest space we've ever been in," Thena agreed as she too moved moved her light to examine their surroundings. "Its a good thing the others agreed to come with us to man the equipment."
Their friends were being good sports about it, whether or not they were present as true believers or because if half of their group was already in, they might as well all come.
"I hope they don't hate me for dragging them out here all Halloween night," he gulped as they turned a corner down - what a surprise - another pitch black hallway.
Thena scoffed at the idea, though, allowing him to walk even closer to her, all but clinging to her arm. "Please, all they would be doing is loitering at Phastos' anyway. He and Ben would be watching something, Makkari and Druig would be pretending not to make out in the corner and Ikaris would be trying - and failing - to hold Sersi's hand during the whole movie."
Gil snickered beside her. Thena's observations could seem cutting at times, but they were never all that inaccurate. And they could be pretty funny, in that way. "I'm sure he'd get there eventually."
"I have yet to see it," she drawled about their mutual friend, more frenemy when it came to her and Ikaris in particular. "Speaking of, when did they last check in?"
Gil pulled pulled out his walkie-talkie. "Ground floor, do you copy?"
"Ugh, Gil--aye, we're still 'ere. You don't have to go all air traffic control for it."
Well, if he was going to be such a stick in the mud. Gil huffed, "roger that, Party-Pooper."
"Oi!"
Thena took his hand and pulled the walkie closer to her. "Sersi, tell us if he holds onto you too tight and we'll switch floors."
"Watch it!"
The constant radio static of the channel clicked again and Sersi laughed. "He's really quite all right, you two. Anything up there?"
"Nothing, so far," Thena sighed before remembering to add, "over and out."
Gil smiled as he put the walkie back in his pocket. Thena probably thought it was silly too, but she would never actually say anything. It was one of the many ways in which she indulged him on these ghost hunts. "Hey."
She looked at him, wondering what had caught his attention. Once she saw him wiggling his hand at her, her smiled turned a little bit shy as she slipped her hand into his. "Do you think they'll know what to look for?"
"I told them about what all the equipment does, they should be able to tell if they get any activity," Gil murmured as they turned down a hall into a more residential looking area. "Whoa, this looks like an actual house."
"This must have been an area for those in a palliative sort of care, like a true hospice," she muttered, pressing closer to him. It was still old floors and concrete walls, but there were now rooms with more than nothing, some even still had an old metal bed frame in them. There was a dresser or two, even a mirror.
Gil winced as their flashlights both hit it head on. He lowered his, but he blinked and rubbed his eyes after the fact. "Can't believe something like that is still standing in a place like this in one piece."
Thena had no comment on it, apparently.
"Kinda freaky, right?" he sighed as he rubbed at his eyes again before shaking it off. "Thena?"
He looked around.
"Thena?" he called out with a little more urgency. He moved the flashlight around, plenty of the room doors were open, but he would have heard her. He would have felt her, wouldn't he? "Thena?!"
He rushed to check each of the rooms, forgetting how creepy everything was. His stomping feet were echoing all over the place, but that didn't matter. "Thena, where are you?!"
All that came back was his own voice bouncing around. He was starting to panic.
"Thena, please, answer me!" he panted, even moving the creaky, old doors to make sure she wasn't hiding somewhere. How could she have just vanished into this air?
He shouldn't have let go of her hand.
"Thena, please!" he shouted, retracing their steps, shining his flashlight down every hall he passed. He knew most of them led to dead ends. Where could she have gone? His hand pulled out the walkie-talkie again, fumbling with it a little. "G-Guys?!"
"Gil, what's wrong?"
"Th-Thena!" he gulped, knowing they needed more information than that. "She was right next to me and-and now-"
"Whoa, Gil, slow down. Nothing's happened to Thena, I'm sure she just went to look at something that caught her eye," Sersi attempted to diffuse his worry.
"Why the hell weren't you keeping an eye on her?" Ikaris snapped at him in sharp contrast.
"Oi," Druig chimed in on his set. "You all need to calm down, I just saw 'er."
"What?" Gil frowned. Druig and Makkari were on the second level, although most of it was sectioned off thanks to a fire from the last century. He rushed to the stairs, "you're sure?"
"Yeah, I saw her walk clear through that light grid you put up, actually," Druig narrated. He paused and then continued, "Kari saw'er goin' down the far stairwell."
"You mean the one to your left?" Gil asked, rushing down the main stairs so quickly he almost tripped at the very bottom. But he took off, full on sprinting.
"Yeah?"
Based on where they had set up, there was no way Thena could be on the stairwell to their left, because it led to absolutely nowhere, just a collapsed hallway downstairs and a boarded up room at the top. Whatever they had seen wasn't Thena.
"Keep your nightvision cam on, okay? And you two stay there--and stay close together!"
"Gil, man, you okay?" Ikaris asked a little more sympathetically, obviously hearing the urgency in his voice over the loud and static-y walkies. "Like Sersi said, I'm sure Thena's just fine."
"I'm on my way to you, just sit tight," Gil huffed. His chest felt tight, like it was on fire. He looked around, only now on the second floor. This place was such a massive hell hole, who knew what kind of malevolent spirits were in here. "Guys?!"
"Hold yer bloody horses, man, hell," Druig flashed his light at him from within the main hallway of the floor. As soon as Gil rounded the corner, though, Druig was already on his feet. Despite his words, his face was dead serious, "she really not with you?"
Gil gulped. Tears sprang to his eyes, although he knew this wasn't the time. He shook his head, trying to catch his breath. The light grid they had set up to pick up any kind of movement was still shining into the closed off areas ahead.
He jumped, but Makkari rubbed his back with a reassuring smile. Druig shone the light a little closer to them to illuminate her words. This place is like a maze, I'm sure she's looking for you too.
That was actually what worried him. He had screamed for her, at the very top of his lungs. And not only had he not heard anything back, but apparently none of their friends had heard him either, which seemed impossible.
And if he couldn't hear Thena, then how would he know if she needed his help?
"Where did you see her?" he asked, shining his own light closer to his face for Kari to read his lips.
She pointed. I swear I saw her walk through the grid. I thought she saw something in the window.
Thena would never walk through the light grid herself; it would compromise any evidence they got of a spectral figure. Still, Gil moved closer to it. He shone the flashlight into the corridor, through the propped open door. It was hard to tell with the light in the window reflection, but he was pretty sure it was just a boarded up, empty room through there.
Druig took the liberty of packing up the light grid and putting it back in his bag. "Take a look."
Gil slid closer to the darkened hallway. Despite never having been on one of these hunts before, all their friends were far less scared than he was. Maybe because they definitely didn't believe in ghosts. His heart hammered as he entered the suffocating dark of the hallway. He pressed his flashlight to the window of the door that was boarded closed. If something jumped up at him he might have a heart attack.
It was just a closed up room, full of evidence of fire damage. He angled the light around as best he could without giving himself nothing but reflection to look at. He jumped as some kind of movement caught his eye. He tried to follow it but it was gone as soon as he saw it. But he knew it moved towards the other door to the room.
And it looked blonde.
Druig and Makkari made room for him as he started running towards the main stairs again. "Come on!"
"If she's messin' with us she's makin' us go through a hell of a workout," Druig felt the need to chime in, following him down the stairs.
But Gil knew that wasn't the case. Maybe - maybe - she might mess with Ikaris a little, possibly Druig, all in good fun. But she would never make him worry about her like this, she just wouldn't. She would never scare him like this, not when it was always her calming him down on these hunts.
It really was like a labyrinth in this place. Gil leapt down the last two stairs and whipped open the doors to the main floor. "Did you see her?!"
Ikaris and Sersi both jumped off the bench of the entrance hallway. They looked at each other and then at him. They still had most of the equipment set up around them, and a floodlight pointed at the ceiling for a little more illumination of the area.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Ikaris growled at him for storming in the way he did. "Didn't you see her on your level?"
Druig shrugged, "thought we did."
But Gil rushed past all of them, taking a right and pulling open the doors. This place was so massive, it was hard to keep track. But if the figure he had seen in the other room had been Thena, or worse, something else, it would have ended up in here. "Thena!"
Still, nothing but his own voice. It didn't echo like it did upstairs, though. He moved his flashlight around, seeing all the junk that was pushed into this empty but undamaged area of the building. He moved more slowly.
His heart was still hammering, but he made himself take each next step. He couldn't stop until Thena's hand was in his again. "Thena, are you in here?"
He could have sworn a voice whispered back to him. It would have been great potential evidence if he had any equipment or was recording anything. But for now, he took the potential whisper of 'she's mine' and scowled. "No, she's not."
Whatever whispered at him didn't have another reply to that.
Gil slid around a corner constructed of old office furniture, flashing his light in every nook and cranny. "She's my girlfriend! Whatever you are, find someone on your own plain of existence!"
Something rattled in a far corner. He really was going to have a heart attack in here. But he gulped, re-grasping his flashlight in his sweaty palm. No ghost was getting his precious Thena--not tonight.
He moved closer to the rattling. It was a doorknob turning. Okay, so he might die in here tonight. He hoped his friends would escape, at least. But if he did die, then maybe he could be with Thena. If she had died alone in here, he would never forgive himself.
There was a door, and the doorknob was turning.
Gil let out a breath and steeled his resolve again. He could do this. He would do this! He could do anything if it was for Thena. Thena, he repeated to himself as he reached for the doorknob, Thena, Thena, Thena.
As soon as he touched the doorknob, it was no longer locked, and flew open. Thena tumbled into the room, straight into his chest as he caught her. Both of their flashlights fell and rattled on the ground as they held onto each other.
"Gil!" Thena gasped into his shirt, burying her face in it as soon as she knew it was him. "I-I-I didn't--I-I thought-!"
"It's okay, it's okay," he gulped, holding her as tight as he could without hurting her. It was really Thena in his arms, small and warm, blonde hair under his chin. His tears came again, and he didn't force them away, "you're really here."
Thena held onto him just as tightly, clawing at the back of his shirt so she could hold fistfuls of it. "I-I turned around and you were gone--just gone! And I tried shouting for you but I couldn't hear anything around me but silence. And then I thought I saw this--th-this thing-!"
"It's okay, I'm here," he whispered. He couldn't process any of what she was saying right now. All he could think about was the comfort of having his Thena in his arms again.
Slowly, they released one another. Thena sniffled, laughing as she put her hands on his cheeks. "I'm supposed to be the one here for you."
He laughed as well, just as watery and tearful. He put his hands on her cheeks as well, "I can be here for you, just this once."
She leaned into him again as he kissed her.
"You two okay?!"
Thena pulled back and picked her flashlight up first. She shone it around the room, "where are we?"
Gil frowned as she handed him his flashlight as well. "We're on the ground floor, in that side room we checked out first thing tonight."
"The ground floor?" she repeated, looking completely baffled. "We were on the third floor. I-I felt something pull me and I thought it was you, then I was in this completely other room. I was trying to find my way back to you in the hall."
Nice try, ghost creep; Gil took her hand, weaving their fingers together. He could carry his flashlight in his mouth if he had to.
"Gil," Thena continued to frown as he guided them back towards the entrance, "I didn't go down any stairs. We can't possibly be downstairs again."
"It's okay, Thena," he reassured her blindly. It didn't matter. None of it mattered, now that his fear was lifting. He waved as a flashlight circled from where the door was. "I got her!"
Collective sighs of relief were had. Ikaris was the first to bark at them, "what the hell, Thena?! You nearly scared the big guy half to death--that's not funny!"
"Shush," Sersi soothed the beast beside her, as she always did. "We're just glad you're both okay."
Druig and Makkari gave them both more curious looks, "where the hell were did you go?"
"I-" Thena looked at each of them, seeming completely stunned. "I don't know."
"Doesn't matter," Gil spoke up, more sure of this now than he had been about anything all night. "We're getting out of here--now."
He pushed through them, pulling Thena to the door to the outside, hand in hand. He could hear their friends packing up all the equipment behind them.
"Yappin' orders at us now, is he?" he could hear Ikaris gripe behind them.
"Stop it, they've been through enough." How did Sersi put up with him?
Finally outside, Gil took a deep breath. He put his hands on Thena's cheek again, urging her to do the same. She did, but she looked up at him. "Really Gil, I thought I was making my way back to you. I didn't even see any stairs, there's no way I could have-"
"We'll figure it out later," he resolved. They could do that in a safe place, where there was overhead lighting, and a warm mug of her favourite tea. Maybe he'd even have a blanket around her shoulders and massage her feet. "All that matters is you're safe."
Thena's face shifted to something like guilt. She looked down at their joined hands. "I thought I saw you."
"What?"
"What lured me away," she admitted quietly, and maybe with the first bit of true fear he had heard her voice all night. "I thought I saw you in one of those other rooms. That was what made me follow...whatever it was in there."
It had lured him the same way. But, again, that could wait until they were in a brightly lit space with firmly locked doors.
Gil kissed her forehead and pulled her into his arms. "I found you again, so it doesn't really matter."
"Hm," she sighed, nuzzling her face into his chest again. "I knew I'd find you, I guess you finding me is okay, too."
Ah, his invincible Thena. She was the truly unshaken of the two of them. But he had to admit, he was assured by tonight that he had what it took to square up if he really needed to. If it was for the woman he loved, at least.
#Oh my gosh sweetie thank YOU for sending me asks!!!#I always try my best with all of them#and it's nice to feel wanted y'know?#Thenamesh Ghost Files AU#as always shared with the amazing @taran-chan#I thought about it and I thought this was the best au#because the immortal Eternals either#A: cannot be touched or harmed by ghosts or#B: have plenty of experience with ghosts and thus don't fear them#but this Gil loses hold of Thena's hand#and he freaks out loses his mind#he's like where is my emotional support girlfriend please???#that sad hamster with the eyes and the music#meanwhile everyone else came along for the ride for fun#for the halloween vibe#and now they're like um im sorry are ghosts real#Phastos comes and picks them up like you all look like shit#Thena really doesn't believe how it happened#she just kept going into room and after room chasing glimpses of him#until all of a sudden she's in a locked room on the ground floor scared and alone?#Gil tells her everything#and she's like are you FUCKING KIDDING that's the best evidence we've ever had and we don't even have solid recordings of all of it?!#Gil: it doesn't matter just let me hold you#more sad hamster with eyes music#Gil says no more hunts for at least a month maybe ever#and he wants them to be tied together at the waist from now on#the others still kind of don't believe but hey it was kinda cool#and Gil is now in his overprotective boyfriend era#also imagine you're a ghost and this group of - let's say - late twenty somethings barges into your home#if I were a ghost I too would have a crush on Thena all I'm saying
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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.
#hal jordan#empyrean posting#ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot#90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the#parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original#relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians#despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's#hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way#too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make#jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars#(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away#because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually#but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until#they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time#like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that#was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his#dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it#impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex#relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it#? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm
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