#and now i'm stressed about so many things

[treba-neco-napise]

first of all, can we fucking target CEOs trying to replace workers (ESPECIALLY ARTISTS) with AI who absolutely cannot be???? second of all when you put "e-mail template" into the search engine it gives you a million links to html formatting to make your e-mail pretty. i don't fucking want to make it pretty, i want to make it socially acceptable. also i was gonna reply directly to that post but mid-paragraph sighed, told myself "it's not worth the energy" and backed out. so right now i'd like to say, as someone who doesn't identify as pro-AI but "AI is fucking complicated and I'm killing AI crypto bros with hammers WHILE tumblr anti-Ai purists make me feel unsafe and was once kicked off a fandom discord server over mentioning using AI once when it wasn't even in the server rules and I didn't even get to talk to the admin about it", what I'm wanting is getting to talk shit out when I have nobody else I feel safe talking to. I have a depressive episode and need step-by-step support in getting out of it. Searching for one (1) recipe for this thing is stressing me out so much I won't do it at all if I'm not asking AI because I have this autistic decision-OCD thing (or, the chidi anagonye condition lmao) and I'd go through like 50 articles before compiling them all into one for The Ultimate Recipe and fucking it up. There's a concept I want to explore and there's zero articles on it but I know it's real and if I don't get it out my brain won't let me move on to other shit. Like I have done my fucking research on so many of the moral aspects (I'm just gonna say that the water consumption of AI and the meat production industry right now are incomparable, one of them can be beneficial to humanity and the other is slaughtering literal living creatures after keeping them in awful conditions so like. depending on your priorities i guess, enjoy your steak) and personally do not believe complete abstinence is the way to progress as a society, let's make some limits and boundaries AND FUCKING LEGISLATIONS but most importantly, don't fucking target random people, especially when a lot of them are disabled and using AI for stuff a rich person would hire a personal assistant for. like if you can hire a whole-ass person to be available 24/7, good for you, I fucking cannot. I'm this close to panicking every time I need to write a formal e-mail because I have trauma and it's a skill I wasn't taught so if I decide to use an available tool I know is incapable of judging me to finally learn the skill and function better as a person, fucking lock me up for not living up to your standards of moral purity. bye.

can you guys at least try to pick a more worthy target than emails and job applications. like if you want anyone to take you seriously can you maybe choose a slightly less universally despised and miserable busywork task. just a thought from the sidelines. like at least when you were all obsessed with bemoaning the death of the soul of art we could talk about duchamp’s urinal and have a good laugh. this is just pathetic. won’t someone please think of the emails

[fairytaleendingss]

Room for One More?

Chapter 9

Summary: Secrets are revealed on New Years Eve.

CW: Alcohol consumption, sexual references, mention of cigarettes, swearing, lots of drama.

Pairing: Poly!Marauders x fem!reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

--

"YOU SLEPT WITH SIRIUS?!"

"Shh! Mary keep your voice down," you uttered, looking around to see how many of your coworker's heads had swivelled towards you in response to Mary's loud exclamation.

"Sorry," she grimaced. "I'm just.. I'm in shock."

You sighed and leaned back where you were perched on the corner of her desk. "I think I am a bit as well."

There was a pause.

"Well, was it good?"

"Mary! Oh my god!" you groaned and threw a hand over your face to hide your mortification.

"What? I'm just asking. I can't say that I haven't imagined it once or twice myself-"

You slapped her gently across the shoulder with the back of your hand. "You're distrubed. You know that?"

She smirked. "You know you love me."

You rolled your eyes affectionately at your friend. "Anyway, we'd been drinking and it was Christmas and we were having such a wonderful time. I think we just got swept up in it all and now I don't know what to do. Things have been kind of... weird between us."

"Well have you guys talked about it?" Mary inquired.

"That's the thing. Afterwards he just kind of moved on like it never happened. I don't know if he thinks it was a mistake or something but it's stressing me out."

"Hmm," a thoughtful look crossed Mary's face as she took everything in. "Well how are you feeling about it? Do you think it was a mistake?"

You bit the inside of your cheek. "No? I-I don't think so. I dont know."

A look of realisation washed over Mary's face. "Do you like him??"

"I mean, of course I like him. I'm just not sure I like like him."

Your friend sighed exasperatedly. "Oh my god! We're not in Primary School, just answer the damn question!"

"Fine! I guess the answer is... yes?" you sighed. "But whatever! Does it even make a difference? He's made it exceptionally clear that he doesn't feel the same way."

"Look," Mary huffed, her expression growing sincere. "Sirius is great. He's fun and friendly and a total flirt but he's also been known to be a little emotionally constipated. Just be honest with him. Talk to him about it. He's not going to be able to pick up on any signals you're trying to send him."

You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a breath throught your nose. "Ugh fine."

"Good girl," Mary smiled. "Now go away. I actually have some work to get done today."

"Oh fine. I suppose I know when I'm not wanted," you teased, getting up and walking back towards your desk.

"Love you!" Mary called lightheartedly as you walked away.

"Yeah, yeah," you joked in response.

As you arrived back at your desk and slumped down in your chair, prepared to get back to work, a head peaked down at you over the cubical.

"Oh, you're back, I see."

You jumped slightly at the unexpected voice and looked up to see its perpertrator.

"Yes, Glenn. Hi. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Glenn was a new employee in your office and he sat in the cubical opposite yours. He was only a few years older than you and he was tall and fit with short blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. In the few weeks you'd known him for, he'd been particularly friendly towards you and recently you'd been getting the idea that he had taken a liking to you.

You weren't interested of course. He was an attractive guy but not really your type. And with everything going on with Sirius over the last week, you'd been making a effort to put some distance between you. You definitely weren't looking for anything of that nature right now and you didn't want to give him the wrong impression. However, Glenn was nothing if not persistant.

"Actually, I was just wondering if you had any plans for new years tonight? A few of my mates are throwing a party and you're welcome to join us if you're interested."

You sent him you're most empathetic smile. "That sounds lovely but unfortunately I already have some plans with my friends."

He sighed, flashing you a grin that looked suspiciously rehearsed. "Oh well. No problem. It was worth a shot. You have fun tonight."

"You too, Glenn."

As the man dissapeared back over the divider, you let out a heafty sigh. Tonight was surely going to be interesting.

--

The view was impeccable from the bar where your friends had gathered to spend New Years. In fact, seated beside a huge floor to ceiling window, you suspected you'd have a clear view of the New Years fireworks.

It was a classy joint, one that Dorcas had managed to get you access to through one of her fancy lawyer contacts.

Everyone was assembled on stools around a table, looking out over the London skyline. It was about four hours until midnight and the group was chatting excitedly in the lead up.

"I've got shots!" Mary called out and everyone cheered as she returned to the table with a tray.

She passed the drinks around and then took her seat beside you.

"Well, I suggest a toast!" James called out, grabbing the attention of the group. "To a wonderful year ahead, and many more memories with old, and new, friends!"

He emphasised the last line with a pointed look in your direction and you felt your cheeks growing hot.

"Cheers!" Marlene shouted enthusiastically and the others echoed her sentiments, clinking glasses and swallowing their drinks.

The burning of the liquor was welcomed as the drink ran down your throat. You'd been thinking a lot about what Mary had said to you in regards to your situation with Sirius. And as he sat beside you, laughing animatedly at one of Peter's stories, it only confirmed your worst fears. Maybe you were starting to develop feelings for your roommate. You grimaced at the thought. Things were bound to get messy in situations like this.

"So guys," Sybil piped up from across the table. "Let's all go around and say our New Years resolutions."

"Oh, I'll go first!" James volunteered. "I hope my team continues to play a great season annnddd... I want to work out more."

There was a collective groan.

"Come on, James. That's not a real one!" Mary complained.

Sirius chuckled, taking a pointed sip of his drink. "Yeah! You already work out like 7 times a day!"

"Ugh, okay fine!" James responded with groan. He thought for a moment. "How about this one. I'd like to fall in love this year."

You didn't miss the way his eyes flickered across the table towards Lily and you felt your heart sink. Lily seemed to take notice a well as she averted her eyes, taking a heafty gulp of the drink in her hand.

"Aww, James. Always the romantic, aren't you?" Marlene chuckled.

"Shut up." James rolled his eyes playfully. "Your turn then, Marls."

"Okay," She took a deep breath. "My goal this year is to become super rich and famous and sucessful."

"I second that!" Mary called across the table and you giggled as they clinked their glasses.

"Y/n. Your turn," Dorcas announced.

"Oh okay, um..." you thought for a moment, your gaze flashing to James and Remus across the table, then over to Sirius, who was watching you expectanly, a playlful glimmer in his stormy eyes.

You then looked back towards the rest of the group. "This year, I'd like to spend some more time with you lovely people."

A round of cooing echoed across the table and Mary threw her arms around you.

"Well aren't you just the sweetest!"

"Oh, and I'd like to work more on my novel," you added.

"Alright, alright. Sirius, you're up!" Marlene chimed.

The boy beside you pursed his lips, looking off into the distance as if deep in thought. Then, after a long moment, he turned back to all of you with a mischievous smirk on his lips.

"This year, I want to have lots of amazing sex!"

"Ew. Sirius, you're so foul," Lily exclaimed, followed by a symphany of similar sentiments from the other members of the group.

While everyone else was distracted, grumbling and groaning about Sirius' bluntness, the man leaned down towards you.

"You look great tonight, by the way." He whispered into your hair.

You gulped thickly, not quite sure what to do with yourself. You opted for downing the remainder of your Vodka, Lime and Soda.

--

As the evening drew on, you found yourself growing more anxious in Sirius' presence. You weren't quite sure what his game was, whether it was the alcohol or he was just feeling extra bold tonight, but he'd been suspiciously flirtatious.

You didn't know how to respond. Part of you wanted to let him. To let him woo you and go crawling back for more of what you'd had together on Christmas Night. However, the other, more logical part of you, told you that was a terrible idea. He was your roommate afterall. The last thing you wanted was to start some complicated friends-with-benefits situation with a guy you lived with, especially one that you had sort of, maybe, possibly had caught feelings for.

You downed another drink, feeling the alcohol grip you and hoped it would help to ease the nerves ever so slightly. You realised then, that you were staring.

Sirius had gone to the bar to order another round of drinks and you'd been watching with bated breath as he sent his signature smile to a girl wearing an explicitly tight black dress. You noticed the way she leaned forward, pressing her cleavage up against the bar as she spoke to him. God, could she be anymore obvious?

"Calm the hell down, y/n!" You thought to yourself. "It's not like you guys are together. He can flirt with whoever he wants."

"Hey, are you okay?" you raked your eyes away from the scene as a voice came from beside you.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," You muttered absently, too distracted to notice that it was Remus who asked the question.

"Okay, never have I ever... made out with more than one person on the same night!" Mary's voice rang out and you forced your attention back to the group.

You weren't sure when this game had begun but you suspected it was suggested by one of the girls (likely Mary or Marlene) as a way to pass the final hour until midnight. You hadn't participated in this game since probably highschool, but you were all a few drinks in at this point so you figured, what the hell?

You watched as Marlene, James and Dorcas all took a sip. Then Lily sent Mary a pointed look.

"Come on, Mary. That's not how the game works. You have to say something you haven't done."

"I haven't!" Mary responded. Then she paused. "Oh wait, yeah I definitely have."

Everyone chuckled as she took a drink.

"Alright! Dorcas! Your turn." Mary nudged the girl in the side.

Dorcas rolled her eyes. "For the record, I just want to say, I think this game is stupid."

"Come on babe. Don't be a party pooper!" Marlene exclaimed, leaning in towards her girlfriend. "How else are we supposed to learn everyone's deepest darkest secrets."

Dorcas sighed and shook her head but there was a hint of a smile on her face. She really could never say no to Marlene.

"Ugh, fine. Never have I ever stolen something."

"Well that's a hard one," Mary muttered. "What do we count as stealing? Because I've stolen stuff from James a ton of times."

"Oi!" James shouted, looking positively affronted. Mary sent him an apologetic smile.

"No, not like that," Dorcas clarified. "It had to have been from an actual shop."

You all sat up straight for a moment, curiously looking around the group to see if anyone had. Hesitantly, Peter lifted his glass to his lips.

"Pete! What the hell!" James exclaimed.

"I don't know, I went through a phase in highschool!"

"What sort of stuff did you take?" Marlene pressed.

Peter shrugged. "Chocolate and ciggarettes, mostly."

There was an eruption of laughter that rippled across the table at Peter's revelation.

"Wow, I didn't know there was a degenerate among us," Lily teased, watching Peter's face flush bright red.

"Okay, okay. My turn!" Marlene said, once the laughter died down. "Never have I ever... gotten really sloshed and fallen down the stairs at my 18th birthday party"

"Hey! That's not fair!" James moaned, taking a sip of his beer. "You can't do targeted ones!"

Marlene just shrugged. "Sorry, but I don't think that was established in the rules."

James smirked. "Fine then! Never have I ever had sex with someone at this table."

Your blood ran cold for a moment as you glanced back towards the bar. You sighed in relief when you saw that Sirius was still over there. In that case, you technically hadn't slept with anyone at the table. You were off the hook for now.

Marlene rolled her eyes at James and took a drink, as well as Dorcas, Peter and Sybil, however, you watched James' eyes widen as Mary also took a long sip.

"Mary!" Lily hissed across the table. Your heart plummeted.

"What?" Mary shrugged, the alcohol clearly having gone to her head. "We have to! It's the rules."

"Wait! Hold on," Marlene murmered, her eyes drifting between the two girls. "Did you guys..."

There was a heavy anticipatory silence that hung over the table as you all awaited Lily's response. The girl grimaced, as she tried to muster some kind of explanation.

It was then that her eyes drifted up to meet James' pleading ones.

"Lily?" the boy asked softly. Your heart broke for him.

"So I guess the cat's out of the bag huh?" the girl sighed. "Mary and I have sort of been seeing each other. Romantically."

"Holy shit!" Marlene shouted, candid and straight to the point as she usually was in these situations.

"How long has this been going on?" Dorcas questioned.

"It's still really new," Lily explained.

"We were just trying to figure out the right time to tell you guys," Mary added.

"So you're the one Mary has been seeing?" James murmered.

"Yes," Lily responded. "I'm sorry James but you had to know it was never going to work out between us."

The boy sighed, running a hand through his unruly curls. "Yeah, I know."

Then he started to stand. "I think I just need some air for a minute."

"James, wait-" Remus reached out to grab his arm but James shook him off.

"I just need minute," he repeated, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair and hurrying towards the exit. Part of you wanted to go after him but the other part recognised that he probably needed some space to process things.

"Sorry, everyone. I didn't mean to ruin the night," Mary murmered folornly.

"No hun! you didn't ruin anything," you comforted.

"Yeah, we're really happy for you two," Dorcas added.

"Really?"

Everyone nodded.

"Absolutely. You both deserve to be happy," Remus confirmed.

Wide smiles crossed over the girls' faces.

--

It was two minutes until midnight and Sirius was nowhere to be seen. Despite your better judgement, you couldn't help but feel slightly disapointed. You supposed that there was some small aspect of your mind that hoped Sirius would be your New Years kiss.

You knew it was wishful thinking, especially when you hadn't even spoken about what happened between you, but with how he'd been acting towards you throughout the night, you'd allowed yourself to nurture that flicker of hope.

As people crowded around the window and the countdown began, you found your eyes searching the room for the dark haired man, wondering if just maybe, he'd make a last minute appearance.

"Five, four, three, two..."

You scanned the space one last time.

"One!"

You're last flicker of hope died out as your eyes finally landed on his form.

"Happy New Year!"

The shouts and cheers faded into the background as you watched Sirius press his lips to those of the boob-y blonde you'd seen him flirting with before.

The moment seemed to go in slow motion. You watched from afar as he tangled his hand in her hair, just as he'd done in yours only a week prior.

"Of course," you thought. "Typical"

It was Sirius Black you were talking about. You were stupid to think you meant anything more to him than a casual night of fun.

In an instant, you turned on your heel and walked towards the door, the sounds of the party fading into the background. You decided, instead of bumming around waiting for Sirius to notice you, you'd go look for James, just as you should've done much earlier.

The cold hit you like a block of cement as you stepped outside onto the street. It didn't take you long to find him.

He was sitting on the curb, outside of he bar, arms resting on his knees as he looked up towards the sky. Another explosion sounded and a flash of colour filled the air. In the distance, you could hear the cheers of excited people all around as they celebrated.

"Happy New Year, James."

He turned to look at you and in the flash of light, as another firework flickered across the sky, you were able to notice the faint tear tracks that lined his cheeks.

"Oh hey." he sniffled, rubbing a hand beneath his glasses and trying to regain a semblance of composure.

BANG!

You flopped unceremoniously onto the ground beside him as another flash filled the sky. You gave him a sympathetic smile. Funnily enough, in that moment, you knew exactly how he felt.

"Are you okay?" You asked him gently.

He let out a dry chuckle. "Yeah. I will be."

BANG!

"Good."

You both turned your gazes back to the display, taking in the beautiful array of colours filling the air. It wasn't quite the view you'd expected for the night, but somehow, that didn't seem to matter.

As you continued to watch the fireworks, you felt the gentle touch of a hand wrapping around your own. You smiled slightly as your fingers intertwined.

BANG!

Slowly, you shuffled closer and leaned into him, gently resting your head on James broad shoulder.

You stayed like that a while, just taking in the show, and each other's company.

--

Taglist:

@hisparentsgallerryy @navs-bhat @shushbruv @magicwithaknife @eeviee4 @notapoetjustscar @gugggu6gvai @robertsmithclone @ilovesugurugeto69 @taytayy178 @its-notkiee @bugworldsworld @switchingfandomslikecrazy @evangelquill, @delusional-4-fake-people, @ch4rlotte35, @insideoutjulie, @hiireadstuff, @laniirackssss, @starrystormwritings, @strategicsweetheart, @1800brat, @sammyreid, @frootloops1213, @ill-be-okay-soon-enough

[gyaruhana]

Omg can we get some more player 120 (Cho Hyun-ju) sfw n nsfw headcanons where shes protective n dominant? Pls n thank uu I loved ur last work w her🩷

Cho Hyun-ju/Player 120 - Headcannons (sfw + nsfw)

Synopsis: more Hyun-ju headcannons !

A/N: ask and i shall serve !!

Warnings: smut content

SFW:

➠ i'm immediately jumping into the scene in the last episode where she was locked in bc holy moly she was so hot.. ➠ wouldn't let you go with her unless you were well-trained with a gun and able to handle it ➠ even then she's always keeping you close behind her ➠ When she's not shooting at the guards, she's looking at you to make sure you're doing okay ➠ if you run out of ammo, she doesn't hesitate to give you one of her magazines ➠ If you end up panicking she's immediately there to distract you from the gunshots and reassuring you that everything is fine and you'll both be okay ➠ and you both will be because she refuses to die or to let you die ➠ not when you both had already made plans for Thailand after you get out of here ➠ On a lighter note !! ➠ most doting girl ever ➠ does give you some of her food sometimes if you're feeling hungry ➠ If someone insults you, she's instantly at your side to defend you ➠ she HATES people thinking they can treat you badly ➠ do play with her hair she loves it sm ➠ expect her to hold your hand a lot because she's not afraid of PDA ➠ late night talks after lights out which sometimes just turns into staring into each others eyes ➠ so many quiet "I love you"'s whispered during those talks too ➠ likes when you cup her face in your hands honestly ➠ you guys are always talking about WHEN you make it out of this place and never if ➠ so so many plans for Thailand ➠ After the death of Young-mi, she definitely needed your comfort and got so much more protective of you ➠ if you go to the bathrooms, she's right there behind you ➠ you're basically never alone during the games ➠ Absolutely fights for you ➠ Overall, so protective of you and not afraid to put someone in their place if they disrespect you

"I have a few nice places to live in Thailand saved on my phone. I can show you them when we get out," you speak from your bed as you turn to face her. She smiles slightly at your words and nods her head. You both had been planning for Thailand since forever and now the dream seemed so much closer with the money you could take home. Even if some people died, neither of you would be next. Not as long as you were there to protect each other and survive this hellish place together. "I'd like that,"

NSFW:

➠ Again, she's gentle. ➠ not a big fan of having public sex so she often takes you to the bathroom with her if you guys are in the mood ➠ most skillfull pussy eater icl ➠ she knows exactly how to make you feel good ➠ gentle and meaningful kisses that convey so much love ➠ she's just a gentle cutie ➠ always whispering praises to you ➠ baby, my girl, sweetheart - literally every sweet pet name in the book ➠ refuses to be rough with you because she wants to help you relax and be calm from the stress of the games and the death ➠ always kisses you after making you cum on her fingers ➠ which happens quite quickly honestly.. ➠ she's just a little too good at fingering you.. ➠ she's practically memorized every part of you though that's why ➠ encourages volume and expressing how you feel ➠ she bases her pace on your facial expressions because she's ridiculously observant ➠ Overall, gentle girlfriend who knows how to please you<3

"You're close, yeah?" She says quietly as she looks up at you, her fingers continuing to thrust in and out of you quickly. The two of you didn't have a lot of time as the guard waiting just outside the bathroom likely wouldn't let you stay for long. That's why she was so quick with her fingers. The last thing she'd want is for you to be left without a release. "Go ahead. Cum on my fingers, my love,"

[skrunksthatwunk]

EXTREMELY REAL MOMENT FROM HIRANO HERE

[star2fishmeg]

do you have any luke recommends meg? I'm with nonnie I think most of my fav luke stories were by deactivated accounts 😢😢

Of course!! Firstly, shamelessly plugging myself lmfao and I have a rec list here that should have updated links now! You may have already seen these before but here's a few recent ones too!

≡ᴍᴇɢ's ʟᴜᴋᴇ ʜᴜɢʜᴇs ғɪᴄ ʀᴇᴄs ɪɪ

—sᴍᴜᴛ

♥ 25 of diamonds by @puck-luck ➥ Andy delivered with this. And I ate the blurb up once, twice, thrice and many more. Can't recommend her stuff enough but this one, this one did things to me that I can't explain. It was a req BUT it was defo personal and I still read it.

♥ finger sucking blurb by @wineauntie ➥ Hot hot hot hot, Luke's fingers + Ivy's writing is incredible. I frequently go back to this whenever I need a quick read while cooking or need to get an extra fix of delusion.

♥ thigh riding blurb by @wineauntie ➥ Yes, I know, always dropping Ivy in here somewhere but THESE BLURBS ARE SO GOOD! This one, oh, this one is just spectacular and just yes, wet. You need to check them out if you haven't.

♥ honky tonk flame by @bewaryofpity ➥ COWBOY LUKE! That's hot enough. This fic is just so smooth and charming, you get to the end and hope they meet again! I needed more. Just Luke in jeans and a pool table? Salivating.

♥ "i'm all yours" blurb by @jo-speaks ➥ Oh I do love a bit of sub Luke and this is so hot with y/n's lil spell of jealousy. Gave me literal butterflies, kicked my feet and giggled. Honestly, all these blurbs are so yummy so go check them all.

♥ home for the holidays by @puck-luck ➥I read this, like, twice a week? It's jam-packed and the concept is literally a pussy killer. No sex over xmas? Seems easy but NOOOOOOOOO not with Luke. The stakes makes it sooo juicy. It's shocking to believe but I do enjoy dom!Luke too.

—ғʟᴜғғ

♥ more hearts than mine - her family's Christmas by @withwritersblock ➥ When I tell you adorable, I mean it. I felt the stress on a personal level with this one and my God, the things I would do to live this. I really loved the sibling dynamic in this, it was real and how siblings actually behave towards each other. Devoured this.

♥ you are in love by @withwritersblock ➥ STOP THIS ONE IS SO CUTE! My tummy went all fuzzy when reading and it's just-oh God they're so in love it aches and y/n's friends are so funny with their reactions.

♥ his name by @cupidbedsy ➥ Tooth rotting fluff. Loser Luke having a crush and is so awkward and it's the cutest thing ever. I think about this fic often, and you should too. The pacing is so perfect and I just think the emphasis of his name on her back reassuring her support is beautiful.

♥ "i'll give you a ride, don't worry." blurb by @hischierslovergirl ➥ Um hello? Perfect execution? Yeah, this one may have been requested by me but the writing makes me kick my feet and giggle. The only way to describe the ending is with a chef's kiss.

♥ next step is love by @bewaryofpity ➥ Dropped TODAY and did not disappoint. It's so domestic and I always eat up the team banter. If you adore best-friends-who-aren't-really-best-friends then you'll love this one. A lot. Tooth rotting and so so cute, I'm speechless.

—ᴀɴɢsᴛ

♥ let it happen by @bratbarzal ➥ Maggie made me violent with this series. It's so raw and natural, devoured it from beginning to end. If you don't like being happy, this is the series for you. On a real note, it's so well written and there is never a dull moment with the drama and almosts.

[bekkathyst]

I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna mean it in all sincerity from a longtime follower: I'm really glad you're so open with how things have been since you moved to Austria. On one hand, I do feel like I'm not only supporting a business I have for ages and feel good about that and I'm also supporting folks I care about online into being able to have a good life. And on the other I'm glad, because if you didn't mention the bad stuff I would probably 100% believe you guys moved into the middle of Europe and immediately escaped all the evils of capitalism and integrated into a gorgeous place with lots of history and folklore and ability to forage (!!!!!!!) and I would be so jealous I would possibly die. So either way I'm happy to keep buying your crystals, and also while I am very jealous but I probably won't die of it. Please give your daughter a hug from me, and your husband a high five. :D

Ah 😭 this is really sweet and I’m going to try not to ramble too long but I feel like this is a good thing to discuss, especially right now.

The first couple months of moving here were an insane contrast of like the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and the most stressed out knowing that one wrong move meant we’d have to give it all up and move somewhere else or lose the ability to be together. The immigration process I’ve had to go through to be with my husband anywhere is difficult but it was harder here than what we dealt with in the US only because this is the place we REALLY wanted to be and it was terrifying thinking the chance to be here could just be ripped away. But of course at the same time I was seeing family I hadn’t seen in a decade or longer, I was getting to really connect with my ancestors, be immersed in the culture, forage in the way I’d been longing to do for my entire life, and all the rest. I feel like because of this I just blinked and now somehow it’s been two years.

The nature here is my favorite, and I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything. But Austria is far from perfect. There’s racism, xenophobia, the bureaucracy has made me question my sanity, some of the social culture really sucks, my business is deeply struggling and I wonder if we can make it due to how high fees and other taxes are, and I will ALWAYS have criticisms for any government I live under lol. Living somewhere very different from where I spent most of my life is really isolating and I feel lonely a lot. And I’m sure however I feel, it’s even harder for Antonio.

But like I said in my post, in the end, this is worth it for us. It’s so hard BUT we get to watch our daughter grow up somewhere where she can have healthcare and a good education and swim in lakes and hike mountains and make so many friends!! Omg she has so many friends. 🥹 and I now have healthcare too for the first time in my life which is really just in time for me to get diagnosed with a bunch of chronic illnesses that I’d never be able to get any help for in the US. And now my husband also has the chance for the first time in his life to pretty much travel anywhere he wants to which is amazing for him.

It must be quite obvious that these are all feelings I’ve been holding in for some time lol. But I can’t believe what lovely human beings follow me on here and support us especially after so long! It’s been almost 12 years since I started all of this and somehow I’m still doing it. Wow. Incredible.

I love you 😭❤️

And here’s evidence of the passed on high five 😆

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Commission info!

I'm just going to give you a few pointers, I love your work. I entirely believe whatever you write I will love but can we please include these loosely. Go mad, change it about but something along these lines...

They have always looked out for each other from day one, she always checked in on him and made sure that he was okay and he did the same for her, they always had each other's back ever since the quarry. I don’t want it to be Daryl not being able to tell her that she loves him and the same for her for him if that makes sense. They both know that they love each other dearly and are fully aware of this but neither one of them likes the intimate stuff, the sex, the making out etc. They’ve shared sleeping arrangements before, cuddled, held hands a couple of times but they have never approached the subject as they were both scared about the thought of it or didn't feel the need to. But since arriving at Alexandria there’s been people flirting with one or the other, or making comments, or odd looks etc and it has been getting under their grill and realised that it really bothered them that they never actually made anything official either marriage or whatever but they can’t communicate about it because they’re both as awkward and as broken as each other and have this self belief that everything they touch just ends up in destruction. They end up on angsty terms and shut off from each other then something happens to either the OC or Daryl to the point of either almost losing them, something sparks between them and they decide that actually they do need to make it ‘official’ and shout it to the world. 

I hope that helps but either way let your creativeness flow my dear, do whatever you would like with it.

I know I’m going to love it <3

Fluffy-Dixon Commission

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Typical TWD violence & gore; allusions to smut

You loved Daryl. Daryl loved you. A sentiment that was never spoken but communicated nonetheless. You didn’t need words with him. It was almost as if you never did. The ability to read one another without speaking came naturally from even as far back as the quarry. Those days didn’t really seem like that long ago anymore, time bending and bleeding together as you struggled to just survive. 

The quarry, the Greene farm, the prison—a natural progression of something unnamed. It didn’t need a title. The two of you just fit. Stolen glances, smiles, and even holding hands while on watch. It just felt right. Given that the touches and gestures were reciprocated every single time without the slightest protest told you that it felt the same to Daryl. 

Eventually, you started sleeping in the same cell. There was nothing beyond holding one another, coaxing the stress from your bodies with simple touches that no amount of sex could ever achieve. No one questioned it, though no one really questioned any form of happiness anymore. It was too fleeting. 

“Today sucked.” You would whisper, nuzzling your cheek against the hollow of his throat. 

“S’over now.” He’d reply, fingertips dancing down your spine. 

It was an unplanned, nameless perfection. 

Carol had jokingly referred to you as an old married couple once, and while you didn’t get angry, it did raise several questions. You began to ponder things that had, until that moment, felt ordinary. You had never compared your relationship with Daryl to that of Glenn and Maggie or Rick and Lori. 

Such an innocent statement had been the birthplace of so many doubts. Should it be something that was made official? Should you talk to him about it? And then the prison fell, your combined grief straining whatever it was the two of you had. Though once you had been reunited with your family, things seemed to return to normal. 

Except the lingering thought that you should be doing more. 

“Don’t know how I feel ‘bout this place.” Daryl was perched on the chair just adjacent to the door of the house you, he, and Carol had been assigned, his legs outstretched for his crossed ankles to rest atop the railing. Whittling away at bolts, he didn’t bother to look up when a long time resident called out a hello. 

“It’s not so bad.” You smiled at your notebook and the run list you were creating. The archer grunted. He didn’t trust it. “It’s hard to get used to, I know, but Rick says—”

“Hey, Y/N.” 

Your gaze slid over to the steps, the one you had come to know as Spencer smiling at you from the walkway. “Oh, uh—hey.” The man had been watching you from the moment your group had arrived, his hungry gaze following you with a piercing intensity that made you a little more than uncomfortable. 

“So, the party is tonight.” He lifted a foot to the first step and you saw Daryl’s knife hand still from the corner of your eye. “I was hoping you would accompany me.” Your eyes blinked wide, dancing between the two men. 

“I—well I wasn’t planning on going.” You laid the pen and paper aside, placing your hands on your thighs. 

“Oh, come on, pretty lady. It’ll be fun.” 

Your eyes flitted over to watch Daryl’s hand tighten around the hilt of his knife. Was he just being protective? Was it something more? The questions you tried so valiantly to ignore rose again to the forefront of your mind. 

“M’a go talk to Rick.” The archer spouted suddenly, dropping his legs and standing. He was down the steps and on the walkway before you could manage to say a word. 

Spencer watched him leave, a visible tension draining from his form. Once Daryl was out of sight, Deanna’s son turned back to you with a smile that made your stomach turn. “So, about that party?”

You glanced over his shoulder to Rick’s front door. What would it hurt? Daryl wasn’t attending and making friends couldn’t be such a bad thing. If Spencer wanted more, you would simply set him straight. 

“Yeah, I guess so, but as friends, okay?”

The look he gave you filled you with instant regret. 

“Friends. Sure.” 

Oh boy. 

The gathering itself was a success, introducing you to some of the community’s residents while you gained a bit more knowledge about the history of Alexandria. It was Spencer’s relentless advances that had ultimately driven you to abandon the party early. You had acquiesced to one dance, yet that had been enough to send the wrong signals. 

“Daryl? Are you home?” You called, awkwardly removing the high heels from your aching feet. Of course they would give you the most uncomfortable shoes known to man. You’d definitely be sticking with your boots from that point forward, fancy dress or not. “Daryl?” Tired and more than socially drained, you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with your archer and let your stress melt away into the mattress while secure in the safety of his arms. 

It wasn’t meant to be. 

Daryl wasn’t there. It was unlikely he had left the walls. Unlikely but not impossible. So, you shuffled off to change out of the outfit you’d be given and into your familiar attire. By the time he strolled into the house, you had fallen asleep on the couch. 

“Hey.” You croaked, wiping the sleep from your eyes. Daryl glanced your way and offered a jerk of his chin in greeting. “Where’d you go?”

“S’it matter?” He huffed. It almost sounded bitter. 

“I guess not.” You warily watched him move around, the air growing thick with tension. “Just worried, that’s all.” He laughed ruefully, a sure sign that he was ill at ease. “Daryl, are you okay?”

“Dropped by the party earlier.” He cleared his throat. “Didn’t see no reason to stick around.”

Uh oh. 

“Oh.” Why did you feel guilty? Nothing had happened. “You hungry?” You asked, realizing the ridiculousness of the question when there were other obvious pressing matters that needed to be discussed. 

Daryl stopped stripping off his gear to spare you a sidelong glance. “Nah.” That wasn’t what he wanted to say, that much was clear, but he refrained. You felt your heart shift and twist uncomfortably. 

“Daryl, I think we should—”

“M’goin’ to bed.” And then he was gone, loud steps echoing from the basement stairs until they were muted thuds that were followed up by the loud slam of his door. You weren’t welcome in the room that night. 

Wiping angrily at the sudden tears on your cheeks, you cast your gaze to the stairs leading up to the bedrooms, suddenly exhausted. In fact, the thought of trudging up to the extra bed was a feat you weren’t sure you could accomplish. Lowering onto the couch, you sniffled and closed your damp eyes. 

Sleep wouldn’t find you that night. 

“We should—” The words were cut off by a mighty yawn, drawing Daryl’s unwelcome attention. His expression alone spoke volumes. 

“S’the matter with you?”

As if he had to ask. He knew you better than anyone, like the back of his hand. You hadn’t rested, fitfully tossing and turning on the couch the previous night, missing the warmth of his arms and the sounds of his breathing. 

Knowing you couldn’t start a discussion that might lead to foolish mistakes, you heaved a sigh. “I’m fine.” Keeping your eyes downcast, you pushed open the passenger door and climbed out, heading toward the main entrance of the mall. A succession of slamming car doors followed. 

“Y’ain’t fine.” Daryl fell into step with you, pulling his crossbow from his back. His eyes, squinting against the sun, remained glued forward. 

Neither are you, you wanted to say. Still, you pressed onward. “Let’s just get this done and go home.” You chose instead, picking up the pace to leave him behind. Arguing with him wasn’t new by any means, but this—tension, it was new. It was different. It felt much like the stress that passed between the two of you after the prison. The questions, the doubts. 

“Y/N!”

You shook your head when you heard him call. You couldn’t deal with that confrontation at that moment. There were supplies to find, there were walkers to avoid and—

You didn’t even realize how close the teeth had come to your shoulder until you felt the sting of Daryl’s bolt slide across the back of your neck to pierce the young woman’s skull. Hand slapping over the cut the projectile had left behind, you spun to watch the body topple sideways, your eyes wide. 

“The hell were you doin’?!” 

Your brain had yet to catch up, your lips moving with mere silence the only result. When Daryl reached you, his weapon clattered to the ground, leaving the others to watch your backs.

“I—”

“Ya just stood there! Why didn’t—goddamnit, Y/N!” 

Your hand jerked away from your neck as you were yanked against his chest, face squished until you managed to maneuver your head just enough to breathe. 

“I’m sorry—I—”

Daryl sniffed above you, roughly letting you go and stepping away. He had turned away from everyone, arm moving to appear as if he might have been wiping at his eyes. “S’get this done.” He snapped, jerking his arm in a vague motion to beckon you. “You’re stayin’ with me, y’hear?” 

You nodded, though he couldn’t see, and picked up his bow for him. After he had taken it, he stomped toward the entrance, barking at you to keep up. 

How could you have been so careless? You’d allowed your thoughts and worries to cloud your judgment, blind you to danger. If Daryl hadn’t been there, you’d have been dead. Now things were worse between the two of you. He stalked ahead, his shoulders tense and frame trembling. Did you dare try and smooth things over?

“Got somethin’ here.” He suddenly spouted, rocking back and forth with the toe of his boot pressing into a creaking floorboard. He glanced at you, eyes narrowed in a silent request to watch his back. You jerked your chin in a nod. Crossbow placed next to him on the floor, he crouched and used his knife to pry up the board and reveal a bag beneath it. “Bingo.”

“What’s in it?” You inquired, looking to him for a reply and then back to the door. 

“Meds. Some granola bars and Spam.” He shoved the sack into his satchel. 

“Trip was worth it then.” You were smiling when you turned to him, your mouth turning down when you were assaulted by the expression he donned. He was stricken. 

“Worth it.” He looked down as he stood, licking his bottom lip before chewing it in earnest. “Nah, Y/N. It weren’t worth it.” Squinting, he shook his head and brushed by you. “We’re done here.”

Sighing heavily, you rubbed the towel over your damp hair. The day’s grime had been washed away, swirling down the drain to keep your tears company. Daryl hadn’t spoken a word to you the rest of the run, not on the drive back, and he had disappeared the moment the car had been parked. 

Pulling your sleep shorts up to rest on your hips, you reached for your camisole when there was a soft knock on your door. You were once again in the upstairs room, giving Daryl his space while suffocating in your own. 

“Yeah?” You pulled the garment over your head and stepped out of the bathroom, narrowing your eyes at the entryway. 

“S’uh—” Daryl cleared his throat, the sound muted by the wooden barrier between you. “S’me.”

Your heart fluttered before it sank. Another argument wasn’t something you were confident you could handle, but you couldn’t just turn him away. Padding across the cold floor on your bare feet, you turned the knob and opened the door enough to lean against it. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He was already rubbing the back of his neck and shifting from foot to booted foot. He was anxious. “Can we, uh—can we talk?” He requested without so much as a glance at you.

Not tonight. I’m too tired. “Of course.” You ignored every possible excuse to avoid the conversation. He merely grunted and squeezed by you with care not to touch. 

And that hurt. 

“What’s up?” You asked with feigned nonchalance, sitting down on your bed. Daryl paid extra attention to the furniture and the things you had taken with you from the basement room. 

“‘Bout today—”

And there it was. “I said I was sorry, Daryl. I was distracted.” You felt your eyes burn, wishing you could say so much more. Tell him you missed him, that you loved him. “It won’t happen again.”

“Yeah, I know.” His tone was solemn and it dawned on you that he didn’t seem angry at all. He turned toward you, taking a moment to chew on the side of his thumb. You hated when he did that. You hated anything that caused him discomfort, especially the things he did to himself. “S’my fault, ain’t it?”

You blinked, saucer-sized eyes following his hand as he lowered it. “Your fault?” 

“Just—” You tracked him as he began to pace. “Just saw ya with that prick at the party an’ I—” He stopped, fists clenching before he shook them out and continued wearing a trench into the floor. “I thought—weren’t we—nah. I shouldn’a come up here.” 

The confusion muddling your brain had yet to wear off before you were on your feet and stepping into his path to effectively block the door. “Slow down, Daryl.” His mouth opened but snapped shut with a click of his teeth. “Say what you mean.” You pleaded in the calmest tone you could manage while numerous sentiments twisted in the pit of your stomach, tendriling out to wrap around your heart like a vice. 

“Dunno what I mean.” The defeat on his face, the utter bemusement in his eyes tore you to pieces. It also refueled every burning question that had befuddled your mind into nearly getting yourself killed. 

“Daryl.” For some reason beyond your comprehension, you hesitated with your open palms just in front of his chest. C’mon, idiot. This is Daryl and he— Your train of thought nearly derailed, maintaining just enough contact with the foundation to urge you onward. “Daryl, if I said that I loved you, what would you say?” Your hands finally made contact.

He reeled back a fraction of an inch, his wide eyes mimicking yours from only moments ago. “I, uh—”

“I’ve always thought that you loved me.” You dared, your hands sliding over to settle on his ribs. “I know we’ve never really—decided that we were—”

“Sure, we did.” He cleared his throat, hand traveling toward his mouth as he inhaled. You caught his wrist before he could begin to gnaw on already abused skin. “Mean, I thought we—”

You smiled and released your grasp, content to allow his hand to rest on your waist instead. “I love you.” And you held your breath. Blue orbs danced and sparkled, scrutinizing you and your declaration. 

“Y’sure?”

You didn’t hesitate. “Very.” 

Your first kiss was everything you had expected and all you could have hoped for: sloppy, inexperienced, yet so passionate and honest. Daryl’s teeth clicked into yours, uncomfortable but still inspiring a giggle that had him smiling against your mouth. A real smile. A unicorn in a world that had lost its magic. 

And it stole your breath, precious oxygen that you weren’t sure you found again until you settled on the bed beside him, sweat-soaked, sated, and more in love than you ever thought was possible. 

He never said the words but you had all the answer you needed. 

You were his. 

He was yours. 

And even if he turned beet red each and every time, you’d shout it from the rooftops. 

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

ok ok 2k25 goals intentions etc.:

daily, success threshold met at 183 days: journal, meditate, log my little habits and other countables, work out, drink 100 ounces of water, experience art, do some kind of mobility work even just a little bit of moving my butt on the foam roller, digital tidying of any kind, floss, write or work on a piece of writing even if it's not ready for writing (ykwim), no Scrolling before 10 p.m. (Intentional Posting such as this doesn't count) room re-set (a habit i had in 2023 decided i didn't need in 2024 and hugely missed once i had buried myself in a horrible pile i did not feel capable of tackling for like three months); 10k steps average for the year by 11:59 p.m. on december 31st

weekly: 5 Life Tasks Of Some Kind; try out weekly self-planning sessions although this is not a resolution because well what if i don't like it!

yearly: read 50 books; work about a thousand hours although this is not so much a "goal" as the result of me looking at my time tracking app and seeing if i can use this data to organize my life in a way that makes me feel less stressed about what is essentially my part-time job so i'm not gonna sweat the difference too much in either direction; i'm not gonna put my income goal on the internet but i do have one.

unquantified intentions: eat more vegetables/get to a place by the end of the year where i don't feel the need to resolve this again; be better about apartment tidiness maintenance tasks (an ounce of prevention...); be a more considerate and more proactive texter; keep working on showing up even when it's a little bit scary; i know i have writing as a daily goal but i'm also gonna say that an intention is to get to the end of the year feeling like i have a sense of how writing fits into my life as a regular practice instead of my historical feast or famine approach (which, to be clear, i don't think i'm ever going to be a nice normal Write Exactly 90 Minutes A Day gal.... so mostly i'm talking about avoiding the famines); keep jukeboxing; keep listening to new (generally and also to me) music; get back into/better at tarot

vibe: one other thing that came up when i was reflecting on 2024 was how much fucking time and mental energy i poured into being Totally Insane about how repulsive i am in many dimensions... this is not anything remotely new but i'm deciding now that i am over it and thus determining by executive decision that actually i am a hot fun genius and everybody awesome wants to be my friend.

[lesiasmadness]

RIGHT??? RIGHT? BUT YEA I THINK THAT WAS INTENTIONAL

It was a swing and a miss on my part but up until that scene where Luke runs off to the statue I was convinced that the game was aiming for some sort of conflict between Luke and Layton, since every other event in the stroy was a hit to Layton's status as Luke's parental figure. Layton teases Luke way more in this one, brakes his promise to Flora and then proceeds to treat her coldly, runs off often, and it's not as explicit but I think Luke also picks up on his apprehension towards Big Luke, but while Layton clearly at least suspects it's not Luke at all the whole game, Luke himself believes Clive so on his side of things it looks like Layton is just critical of and not too warm towards what Luke will grow up to be. On top of that there is the first dualogue near the statue where Luke gets a glimpse at how Layton views their relationship, plus there's moments like this

Also I don't know how intentional that is but a lot of NPC interractions now involve Luke practically on his own and Layton doesn't step in where I'd expect him to. I have sincere beef with Layton for letting that one NPC be a creep towards Luke so many times in a row. I'd usually write it off as Layton believing he can't go against what a lady wants but than look at how he treats Flora.

Aaaaand a cherry on top is that people keep saying that Layton will become a terrible person and abandon Luke constantly

For the most part I thought it was a result of Layton being preoccupied with being thrust back into his biggest unsolved case and personal darkest hour of his life, that he's letting the gentle parental guide persona slip under all the stress, but after it's revealed that he knew Luke would be moving away I'm convinced that he's deliberately slowly letting Luke peek behind that shield he's put up, because Luke has to get used to being independent and acting without progessor's comstant guidance and protection, plus maybe a dose of reality will make it easier to leave the professor behind emotionally.

So what I thought was a set up for a third act breakdown between Luke and Layton, maybe even leading to Luke actually believing Layton could become his "future self", was actually a set up for their relationship to instead evolve into a more genuine friendship on more equal terms, since Layton lets Luke in on his more real thoughts and emotions, and trusts him to do his own thing, and Luke gets closer to seeing professor more as a friend and less as a guide (I had a whole thing in a different post... about how Luke writes "your friend and apprentice" in his letter at the end after never letting Layton say "my firend" when introducing Luke before...)

SO YEA I THINK HE'S GENUINELY PISSED AT LAYTON FOR BREAKING THAT PROMISE

I think he's having a moment of dissolutionment with the idea of Layton as a perfect role model that he's had in his head since the events of Last specter

I'm just leaving these two sequences here, do with them what you will while I go cry in the corner

[hl-obsessed]

.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[yeonjune]

Yeonjun about the strain he felt while preparing for his debut solo project ✙ "GGUM" MAKING FILM

[alice--pallas]

While Alice didn't fear that the information would turn Abraxis away, she did feel a sort of relief that he was now aware of this important knowledge. It certainly wasn't the most important fact about her past but a vital one nonetheless. She smiled at them when they expressed their gratitude for her honesty. It was strange, learning how to trust someone in this way again, after so long. Initially, she'd really just been looking for a fling and some intel, a fact that she sometimes felt a little guilt over--but she couldn't have known that it was going to turn into something so much deeper and meaningful. And yet, even now, there was a small worry in the back of her head that wondered if Abra knew anything about what had happened a few nights ago in the graveyard. She wanted to believe that he couldn't have but right now, there really wasn't any way to be 100% sure. She supposed that, per usual, she'd just have to trust her gut. To be fair, her gut usually lead her in the right direction--usually. I have questions but I want you to know that nothing you could ever reveal about yourself would alter my perception of you. She smiled at these words, though she found them interesting as well. To her core, Alice had a strong moral compass and therefore, she hadn't had many moments that she was truly ashamed of. No, she didn't feel great about her prior addictions but she didn't beat herself about them, either. Being such a loyal person, she had never betrayed anyone that she cared about--that being said, though, she did wonder what would cross Abraxis' personal line of what they personally deemed to be reprehensible. Giving them a small smile and a nod, she said "You can ask your questions if you want."

In retrospect, perhaps she shouldn't have used a phrase that was commonly used in wedding vows. For better or worse. I un-ironically like that sound of that. Giving a small chuckle, she said "You know what I mean." Of course, she didn't want to push away the romantic notion of what Abra was hinting at (and maybe joking about?) but at the same time, they were far from any kind of commitment like that. Furthermore, Alice was almost positive that she wasn't interested in getting married again for a long time. If she were ever to do that, she had to be sure it was the one--and even then, did that really make a difference? She'd been so sure that Alec was the one and look how that one had turned out. She was more than content with taking things slow as they had been. For example, they hadn't even had the 'what are we' conversation, mostly because they both felt satisfied with simply enjoying each other's company.

Though she was admittedly a bit surprised at their confession to having acted entitled, she did appreciate their honesty to come clean about it at all. Besides, from the sound of it, they were purely referring to interactions that they'd had with the hospital staff--they hadn't mentioned her family, though she was certain that they'd crossed paths. All this to say that if they didn't want her knowing about it, they hadn't actually had to tell her--and that honesty meant everything, even with something so seemingly trivial. Then again, being kind to others wasn't really trivial at all, was it? "Thank you for telling me," she said, her blue eyes earnest. "I'm sure it's been stressful for...everyone. But I appreciate you being on your best behavior," she said with the slightest of chuckles. "Besides, I can't really blame you for flaring your temper--I'd probably have done the same." Abraxis hadn't seen it, and she bashfully hoped they'd never have to, but Alice knew a thing or two about having a temper herself. She'd certainly raised some hell when she'd been a bit younger and louder, that was for sure.

Mystery is part of the allure. Smirking, she said "It certainly is." Of course, it wasn't just Abraxis working through the layers to get to her core--she'd also been doing the same thing, trying to get to know them on a deeper level. "That's part of the fun, though, isn't it? Putting all the pieces of the puzzle together?" she smiled, tracing her fingers along their well-defined arms. She'd much rather have this conversation wrapped in their arms in their bed inside their dark, antiquated home--naked, perhaps. She supposed that this sterile hospital room with beeping monitors would have to do for now, though. "I'm hoping I don't have to be in here much longer..." she said, unable to push away her current predicament from her mind.

She couldn't lie--she'd half-expected Abraxis to insist that she no longer pursue this, voicing their worry for her safety and in fact, when they'd started to respond, that's where she thought they were going. It was the perfect ploy--to be resolute in asking her to please stop looking because someone could come after her again or even worse, her daughter. They use the guise of fearing for her safety, all the while, keeping her in the dark about whatever nefarious deeds were taking place. That's why when they said 'We need to prove it,' she couldn't help but look at them in amazement. "You...want to help me?" she asked, fighting a smile. Perhaps... What you need is help from someone on the inside. Alice's eyes lit up at the suggestion--that together, they could get to the bottom of this. It did, of course, cross her mind that this was also a good ploy--but then again, maybe she was just being paranoid. After all, she couldn't possibly forget her hallucinations in the graveyard. She was scared and that was understandable. But maybe, just maybe, she really could trust her lover.

“i can see that it has impacted you—and still impacts you now,” abraxis murmured, their words a deliberate cadence of reverence. there was an elegance in alice’s resilience, a quiet yet commanding strength that stirred something ineffable within them. it was breathtaking, an understated radiance that rendered her more than merely captivating; she was a pillar of survival, a poignant reminder of why she held their interest so effortlessly. while alice was right about the need for the right time and place to unveil her story fully, abraxis inclined their head in a gesture of deep appreciation, their gaze steadfast. “thank you for choosing to share this with me. i consider myself fortunate—honored, even.” their voice softened, a tender veil drawn over the delight that hummed beneath. they were enraptured, eager to map every intricate contour of her soul. still, questions lingered like specters at the edges of their mind, threatening to surface, yet they withheld them for now, choosing instead to offer gratitude in its stead. “i have questions,” they admitted, their voice a low murmur, “but i want you to know that nothing you could ever reveal about yourself would alter my perception of you. these things only draw me closer.” there was a  quiet intensity in their words. their pull toward her was undeniable, a gravitational force as illecebrous as it was inescapable. the phrase for better or worse tumbled through their mind, a notion that once clawed at their subconscious, shredding their sleep with fears of vulnerability and ruin. yet, when abraxis tried the words aloud, they found their lips curling upward in an unbidden chuckle of felicity. “for better or worse,” they echoed, the phrase a tender musing that left them bashfully self-aware. a slight cringe danced across their features, as though the intimacy of the sentiment had caught them unprepared. “I un-ironically like the sound of that,” they confessed, a quiet laugh trailing after, fragile yet sincere.

what do you mean? “i mean that,” they added after a breath, their thoughts slipping momentarily to the painful recollection of that first night. shame weighed heavily upon their shoulders, tugging like a child’s relentless grip on a parent’s ankle—innocent yet unrelenting. “i am, as we speak, in the process of rebuilding a rather dismal rapport with the front desk staff,” they admitted, their tone self-deprecating. “while i didn’t exactly cause a scene in my efforts to see you the first time, i may have ruffled a feather or two.” they bowed their head slightly, humility etched into every line of their expression. they hesitated, their voice dropping to a near-whisper, heavy with contrition. “i managed to rein in my temper, but i behaved… entitled. i’m ashamed of it.” their lips pressed into a thin line, the faintest flicker of self-disapproval shadowing their gaze. “i’ve apologized to the staff, but i owe you an apology as well, in case you find my behavior as embarrassing as i do. i promise—no, i swear—to be on my best behavior from here on out.” it was more than a vow to her; it was a covenant with their own integrity, one made in the silent chambers of their conscience.

a slow, deliberate grin unfurled across their lips as alice’s teasing words reached them. her question—playful, provocative—was a spark in the quiet. oh? have i been some great mystery to you up until now? the curve of their mouth was lopsided, unevenly charming, the kind of smile that hinted at mischief lurking just beneath the surface. their eyes glimmered with a wicked yet soft light. “mystery is part of the allure,” they replied, their voice a rich, rolling timbre that carried an intimate warmth. in her presence, despite the frigid air outside, they felt as though they stood in her apricity, basking in her glow as a raven might perch upon the bare boughs of a willow, warmed by a rare winter sun. “but understanding,” they continued, their tone deepening, “is the reward. and in that aspect, i’m a rich soul.”

something is happening. the story began to unravel between them like smoke spiraling into clouds, its shape elusive yet undeniable. abraxis, despite the shroud of secrecy they had wrapped so tightly around themselves, could no longer remain hidden in the mist. within alice’s steady gaze, they felt exposed, as though her insight pierced through the veil of their carefully maintained diversions. “i agree,” they conceded finally, their voice dipping into a heavy quiet. “you can’t put yourself—or rhea—in any further danger.” the nod they offered was a solemn gesture. “but if you think you’ve uncovered something amiss…” the thought lingered, unspoken fears curdling like ink in water, darkening the clarity of their mind. their gaze sharpened, a flicker of steel beneath the velvet of their tone. “we need to prove it.” the suggestion hung in the air, cautious yet resolute. despite the gnawing dread at the edges of their consciousness, they knew alice was right. against their better judgment, and even their instinct to shield her from harm, they whispered their agreement. “you have to see it through.” their teeth worried at their lower lip as they considered the repercussions, the ripples of this decision stretching far beyond them both. “perhaps… what you need is help from someone on the inside?"

[averlym]

fairest of the fair

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

[call-me-copycat]

I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.