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#and now i do struggle with reading books
bunn-iiii · 2 months
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just learning there may be a chance I have dyslexia and just never knew
#growing up i had all of the dyslexia problens in the way of writing and spelling#(and a bit in pronunciation of words)#with pronunciation i would switch up the sounds in my head for example for remote i would end up saying merote#and when i was writing i would often randomly capitalize letters that way i could see them better (most D and B)#or i would capitalize ALL of the letters#i remember crying in kindergarten because i could only write my name in all capitals#i also remember my dad screaming at me because i wouldn't write in lowercase when i was supposed to#(he made me write out all of the lowercasr letter then write them in uppercase)#i still struggle with this a lot i even do it when I'm typing but it's most prevalent when I'm hand writing notes for school#i also have a hard time spelling things even if i know the word REALLY WELL it can be a word i write or type every day and i can still#stuggle with spelling it#but the thing is i never had any problems with reading things in my head (not out loud though that was hard)#in fact i had a 12th grade reading level when i was in 5th grade#which is why i never thought i was dyslexic since i had a friend who was dyslexic and had a very hard time reading#and many educators and people when they think of dyslexia they think or just not being good at reading#when that's not really the case#and now i do struggle with reading books#i often stare at book pages reading the same sentence over and over trying to comprehend it#i even do that with fan fic#and it's annoying#the only reason i read fan fic more is because it grabs my attention and it seems more worth it to struggle through than a boring book for#school that was written 100 years ago :/#anyways yeah. crazy shit abt me.#imagine if i have autism and ADHD and dylexia and dyscalculia#also i juat mixed up all of those fucking letters in adhd
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axel-tiredstudent · 6 months
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i miss having energy to do stuff
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luimagines · 8 months
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Headcanon that Legend’s ears are actually slightly longer than everyone else’s because of his rabbit form!
Ooooooo!!!
I like this idea. His nose wiggles too!
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simgerale · 6 months
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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electricmaimer · 9 months
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"i dont care if people who havent read the books get spoiled for the show" <- words of a person i now want to bite and yell at
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toytulini · 3 months
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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becca-e-barnes · 2 years
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I got a massage bar at the start of the week and honestly, I didn't expect it to fill my head with thoughts of using it on a really submissive dad's best friend Bucky 🙈
Because I imagine he doesn't really relax very often. His life gets busy, things are overwhelming sometimes and he rarely takes the chance to let himself decompress. There would be some small self-care wins though and the day he does his first face mask with you probably stands out in his head as one of his favourite days ever.
But I love to imagine him fresh out of the shower with his hair still slightly damp while his body is dry. He's laid on his front on the bed, wearing just his underwear, scrolling on his phone and you know it's been a long week for him.
He seems content now though, not that you can really see his face. The gentle arch of his back is so inviting, your brain reminding you of how it feels to trail kisses down his spine while he lies like this.
He's been so tense all week, you hardly know where to start. Breaking off a little piece of the massage bar and letting the fragment soften in your hands gives you some time to decide a course of action. Do you begin with those broad, tense shoulders and work from there down or do you want to start on the small of his back and work your way towards his neck?
As the solid butters melt with your body heat, filling the room with the scent of patchouli and vanilla, you decide to work from his shoulders down. You know you've made the right decision when you hear his content sigh at the gentle kisses you litter across the bare skin of the back of his neck.
"What are you doing?" The hint of a smile on his face carries in his voice while you settle on top of him.
"Nothing. Relax." The shea and cocoa butters in the bar have melted into a much slicker consistency, allowing your hands to glide over the broad expanse of his strong shoulders with very little resistance. You touch him gently to begin with, spreading the oils over the top half of his back before pressing heavier to work them into his skin.
His shoulders are as tense as you expected them to be but it doesn't take much to relax them. Your fingertips sink in to the soft flesh where his neck curves into his shoulders, rubbing in small, concentrated circles.
"That's nice." He hums, sounding truly relaxed. There's no rush with this. It can take as long as he likes. You've got all night to appreciate the man in front of you and you could happily spend every second just touching him.
It's fun to play around with the pressure of your touch. With one palm planted on each side of his spine, your firm, languid strokes up the length of his back drag soft gasps from his parted lips. Your fingertips moving in gentle circles however, draw a contented hum from his throat. The kind of hum that makes you want to cradle his head to your chest. He thrives off affection like no one else and it only makes you want to give him every ounce you can muster.
The most delightful sounds he makes come when your fingernails dig in while you trail the length of his back. He's always enjoyed the soothing feeling of a gentle back scratch but with each scratch, you notice how he subtly grinds against the mattress with a quiet moan.
He's forgotten all about his bad week at work, that much is clear.
"Baby, please." It's barely more than a whisper but you couldn't have missed it. He's done with the back rub and that's more than fine. You take take the spot on the bed beside him while he turns to lie on his back, noticeably hard beneath the underwear that you quickly discard.
Precum leaks from his tip and he appreciates that your hands are still slick more than you could ever know. One firm pump of your hand, rolling your palm over the tip is enough to make him gasp. He's neglected his own need for far too long.
"F-fuck." He groans, beginning to thrust in time with your hand movements, fucking himself into your fist. It's erratic and needy and the light blush to his cheeks gives away that he's embarrassed about his lack of self-restraint. Not embarrassed enough to stop though.
"God, you're pathetic." You tease, lost in the way the degradation makes him tense up. He gets off on this and so do you. "I bet you couldn't last if you were inside me right now."
His breath catches in his throat because he knows you're right. Hell, he's struggling to last right now. There's no expectation for him to last forever this time around though. You know he'll be able to offer you a whole lot more once he gets this out of his system.
"N-no. I couldn't. I couldn't last." He's so beautiful and he doesn't even know it. You notice that he's even more beautiful with streams of his cum rolling down over your fingers, desperate sobs tumbling from his lips and his over pleasured groans hanging in the humid bedroom air.
Afterwards, the man seems boneless. He's content, melting into the bed and once you've had a chance to clean up, he pulls you in for the softest kisses.
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korperlos · 1 year
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someone please flush my brain, change my battery, or whatever, i just want to be able to fully focus on things again and feel some energy in this strange body i inhabit, i want to be able to enjoy things
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francy-sketches · 1 year
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No guys you don’t get it grrm announcing the dunk n egg show means he’s confident he can write more of those books soon and he’s not going to do that until twow is done wich means he’s close to getting it done and it’s coming out tomorrow. Trust me
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coldflasher · 5 months
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currently so unable to be alone with my own thoughts that im 10+ episodes into a podcast about the vampire diaries, a show i have never watched
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bb-fennelposting · 7 months
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no no no this makes perfect sense to me @bonefall
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learnelle · 2 years
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isfjmel-phleg · 6 months
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📋
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arolesbianism · 1 month
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Doodle of my boy
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#fydd <3333333333#he is my bestie I need to get over my fear of drawing him so bad#grips bathroom sink I Will get better at drawing for fun and letting my art be messy and being proud of it anyways#but yeah look at him he is so cute and is so silly and he’s never gone through any traumatic events ever I would never#<- lying lier who lies and loves tormenting it’s ocs#but yeah he’s half alien half human but was raised entirely by his human mom#his alien mom is alas stuck in the cult the two met at rip#fydd doesn’t know abt any of that tho he just knows that he has another mom that his mom doesn’t like talking abt#he loves playing games of all kind but especially loves video games and will play them for hours#not that he has much else to do since he’s spent pretty much his entire life living by a garbage dump in the middle of nowhere#and he’s not allowed to go fuck around in the dump much since his mom doesn’t want him to be seen so he’s stuck at home most of the time#thankfully now he has an adopted sister to play with but he still has viddy game autism#his mom has done her best to introduce him to the various cultures she and his other mom came from but she struggles with it#she was quite disconnected from her own culture growing up and she knows limited amount about her girlfriends home planet#fydd doesn’t mind much rn cause he’s 12 but a certain other older fydd might care a smidge more#fydd does like 60% know both japanese and spanish tho so that’s pretty cool#his mom tried to do regular lessons when he was younger but wasn’t able to keep them up consistently and eventually gave up#mostly because she wasn’t anywhere near fluent in either herself and she had a hard time keeping up with how fast fydd would pick up on it#they still have some books from back then laying around that fydd will pick up and read aloud when he’s bored sometimes#he gets bored of speaking english all the time as his brain is built to pick apart different sounds and assign them linguistic meaning#so reading and speaking different languages is good enrichment for him#his mom doesn’t know this unfortunately otherwise she totally would have gotten him more stuff in different languages to chew on#he does get to learn the language the stalien cast speaks tho he has a lot of fun with that#he alas can’t properly experience most stalien video games though rip#I should rly get to redesigning his human mom again at some point she needs it sooo bad#I mean her whole squad needs it but she’s my favorite so like
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ganondoodle · 2 years
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i would like to thank everyone who send me encouraging asks, i genuinely didnt expect to get so many, i hope it is fine that i will keep them in my inbox to avoid spamming your dashboard with them but also, pirmarily, bc i would like to cherish them where i can easily find them again qwq
(and i can confirm, it was mostly from a long and exhausting work day, but not all, so yes it did help <3 )
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memorydragon · 8 months
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Okay, so I know I'm shouting to the void here and you guys probably want mdzs updates instead of my rambling about the more obscure novel that I started reading before mdzs was a blip on my radar, but I'm going mental over here and this is what you're getting.
I'm just so Normal about Jiang Ting saying "Don't test me. I'm on your side." And when I say normal, I mean completely normal levels of Absolute Unhinged.
Because he will fail the test every time.
"Don't test me." When Yan Xie questions him on why he hid the packet of drugs, of course it's suspicious. Of course he lies. (Though is it a lie, that he wanted it for himself, to hide the evidence that will lead Yan Xie further to the truth) The truth will damn him, the lies will damn him, what else can he do?
"Don't test me." When Yan Xie asks why he wasn't tortured by the drug lord when he was captured, he asks back, "Who says I wasn't?" Yan Xie's anger at the lie, at the omission he knows is there was real. But the truth will damn him more, that sensory deprivation was the gentlest form of torture, because why would a drug cartel need to be gentle with a cop?
"Don't test me." When Yan Xie drops a recorder in his pocket to listen in as Jiang Ting interrogates Li Yuxin, and lies to her about being the betrayer, and they're texting right next to each other. He can't help the small panic that Yan Xie had been listening in. Because that was a lie, but it held too much truth, that to be betrayed there had to be relationship before. He failed the test, only to see Yan Xie's final message while waiting outside the operation room, because Yan Xie was dying in the next room, and his message was "What are you afraid about? Why don't you trust I'll help you?"
"Don't test me." When Yan Xie loses his temper and does test him, when he's a little too violent because he's being blocked from investigating and tries to force Jiang Ting to the martyr's cemetery. He apologies to Jiang Ting softly, wiping the water away with a gentleness Jiang Ting doesn't believe he deserves. When his feet are burned because Yan Xie needs answers - answers that he cannot and will not give, despite everything, Yan Xie again apologizes and tends the burns. Yan Xie wasn't in the wrong suspecting him, and he's failed every test, but Yan Xie is the one who apologizes and realizes he's gone too far. Except he hadn't gone far enough to get to the truth that would have Jiang Ting fail once again.
"Don't test me." When Bu Wei jumps off the bridge and tries to take Jiang Ting with her. He sees too much of himself in her - Yan Xie sees too much of Jiang Ting in her - but he'd let her go to save himself. Except then she jumped and that wasn't how it was supposed to end, because there had to be something after the realization that the worst betrayal wasn't being left behind. When he looks at Yan Xie and tells him it's up to you. To turn Jiang Ting in or not, to believe him or not please, don't believe him he'll accept whatever Yan Xie decides he is, a traitor or friend. He cannot trust, cannot give his faith, and it's up to Yan Xie to decide if he can still accept that.
(And that's a whole different rant about how Jiang Ting cannot define himself, how he can only mold himself into what other people want him to be, say what they want him to say, because the only time he tried to choose who he wanted to be, his whole team died and he was left in a coma for three years. I'll be Unhinged about that in a perfectly normal way another day)
"I'm on your side." When Yan Xie has seen the orphanage's records, followed the evidence to it's natural conclusion, that all the times Jiang Ting had lied and omitted to save himself were finally exposed. Yan Xie has deleted the only picture of Jiang Ting on his phone and has already broken his own heart when Jiang Ting asks, "Do you still believe in me? - It's better you don't."
"I'm on your side." When he kisses Yan Xie after all the cards are on the table, as tears run down Yan Xie's face while the King of Spades watches for any flaw. He points a gun at Yan Xie's head, ready to pull the trigger that will keep Yan Xie from coming after him and tells the truth for the first time. "I love you, Yan Xie." In front of his adoptive family of drug lords, in front of the man who betrayed him and that took him in as a brother, in front of the bodies of the people he had just mercilessly shot down, as the Queen of Hearts, whose own heart is enchained by hatred and thorns caused by the drugs he can't escape, he tells the truth, which can only be accepted as a lie.
"I'm on your side." When Yan Xie finds the evidence that Chief Lu is lying, that Jiang Ting went undercover to get rid of the drug cartel once and for all and he realizes that his wavering faith in Jiang Ting was expected. That he was the one who failed that time, even though it was necessary for the King of Spades to take Jiang Ting back. That despite that, Jiang Ting had still left him a way out and saved his life. And Yan Xie is going to drag Jiang Ting home, no matter how dangerous.
"I'm on your side." When Jiang Ting asks him, "why are you here?" when Yan Xie holds him and kisses him softly after nearly dying because he was exposed, and Yan Xie replies that no matter how harsh the betrayal - the truth - he couldn't love Jiang Ting less. That just because Jiang Ting pointed a gun at his head, didn't make Yan Xie miss him less. (You want to talk about scenes that make Mem absolutely feral, this is one.) He has to go back under cover, he has to leave again, but Yan Xie will drag him back.
"Don't test me." One last test. Yan Xie tells him to jump, that they are either going to get out of this together or die together. Yan Xie refuses to let him fail this time. No matter what, he won't leave without Jiang Ting. I'll be by your side, because living is harder than dying.
And Jiang Ting jumps.
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