#and now all im left with are memories of long talks and a funeral procession

[poor-boy-orpheus]

.

[platonicavengers]

headcanons for being the youngest maximoff (part two)

pairings: maximoff twins x sibling!gn!reader && avengers x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for infinity war + endgame, death, non-descriptive violence, idk

author’s note: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO COME OUT AAAAAAAA it was supposed to be up a while ago but things got in the way and im so sorry :(

tags: @madamevirgo​  @euphoniumpets​

headcanons under the cut !

so

after steve broke everyone out of the raft you were all on the run for a while

vision and natasha joined you all at some point, and scott and clint returned home to their families

after a while wanda and vision decided to stay in scotland, leaving you with sam, nat, and steve

you were not a huge fan of the idea of leaving her behind

you had already lost your parents and pietro and even though she wasn’t dead you still wouldn’t be able to see her

but you knew why she did what she did

fast forward a little bit

you find out that tony went missing

and then that wanda and vision are being attacked

so u all fly to scotland to help them

*insert u being a badass and beating the shit out of an alien*

finally reuniting w your sister

there were tears

when you arrived back at the compound it was like a breath of fresh air after so long

it’s a shame you weren’t there under better circumstances

immediately getting upset when you saw the hologram of ross

that motherfucker

anyways

going to wakanda was an.... interesting experience

you wanted to enjoy it 

but considering why you were there,,,,,,

it was kinda hard to enjoy it lol

wanda ofc stayed up in the lab with vision and shuri

she wanted you to stay up there as well so she could keep an eye on you

she was very hesitant to let you go into the front lines of the battle

even though you were an adult now you were still her little sibling and she was worried for you

you assured her that you would be fine though

fine might be pushing it but

let’s be realistic here

you kicked some alien ass down there

taking out enemy after enemy with no hesitation

pretty impressive tbh. ur fucking awesome

ily

anyways

eventually wanda came down to join the battle

the two of you fought alongside each other

badass sibling duo ugh yes

but then

you had to go against thanos himself

ugly ass mf

you tried to use your magic to remove his gauntlet

you were unsuccessful

he kinda tossed you to the side like a rag doll

which hurt like a bitch

when he snapped you had no idea what tf to do

i mean you had just lost, what were you supposed to do?

you were in the middle of crawling over to wanda, wanting to try to comfort her over the loss of vision

but then she just kinda, disintegrated?

you were in shock for a minute

but then it hit you

“no, no, no, no, no...”

you started sobbing

now you had officially lost your whole family

after a little bit you made your way over to what was left of the team

you all kinda stood in silence for a little while, just processing everything that had happened

eventually you all returned to the quinjet and flew back home

for the first two-ish weeks after the snap you just locked yourself in your room and refused to leave

though eventually you did leave your room again, though very reluctantly

after three weeks had passed by carol, who you were quite fascinated by, returned to the compound carrying a spaceship with her

turns out tony was on said ship

you were glad to see him after so long

and now we jump to going to space to beat thanos’ ass (a g a i n)

you had never been to space before so it was quite a new experience

shame it was under such poor circumstances

when you arrived at thanos’ residence you were out for blood

he took your last remaining family and you were not in the mood to let him get away with it

and then you found out the stones were gone

and everything he had done couldn’t or so you thought be reversed

you were already ready to kill thanos before, but especially now that that was revealed

sadly though, thor took the responsibility of killing the titan himself

*5 years later*

you were 23 now

a whole ass adult

you still lived at the compound with natasha, not exactly having anywhere else to go

not like you would’ve left anyways but

nat had become your sort of support system over the last few years

after all, at this point you really only had each other

all of the rest of the remaining team went their separate ways, none of which deciding to stay with the two of you

one day though steve comes by

you were glad to see him, you had missed him a lot since he left

the three of you had a not-so-positive conversation and then out of nowhere scott appears at the front gate

he tells you his insane idea of using the quantum realm to time travel back to before thanos

you were very wary

you didn’t exactly have a lot of knowledge on the quantum realm but you could still tell that it seemed risky

the four of you went to tony’s house to try to convince him

he almost immediately said no

yikes

you all tried to convince him but to no avail

so you went to bruce hulk instead

bruce?? hulk?? who tf is he tbh

but anywho

when you saw him you were kinda like ????????

but chose to ignore it

you got him to agree to the time travel thing

and it was ?somewhat? successful

somewhat is pushing it tbh

scott became a baby which wasn’t great

but then tony showed up and fixed it like the genius he is

you helped recruit all the remaining avengers to help w the whole time travel thing

you were going to go back in time and get the stones before thanos could

you went with clint and natasha to vormir

you thought it made the most sense for you to sacrifice yourself

after all you weren’t even positive this whole thing with the stones would work, and you couldn’t risk continuing to live a life without wanda and the rest of the team

they stopped you before you could jump though

when natasha dropped you swore your heart stopped beating

she had been all you had for the past 5 years and then she was just gone

you ended up getting the soul stone but at what cost

you and clint returned to the compound and there was a small ‘memorial’ (for lack of a better word) for natasha

after that tony put all of the stones together into a makeshift gauntlet

after a little bit of deliberation it was decided that bruce would be the one to snap his fingers

bruce, hulk, whatever tf

brulk

LMFAO

sorry back to the headcanons LOL

he snapped

immediately everything felt different

you went out to look out a window, seeing a few butterflies fluttering around that you knew weren’t there before

a smile immediately took over ur face

“hey guys, i think it worked!” - you

you were about to turn around and walk back to everyone else

but then

you saw a large ship in the distance

and something began flying toward the compound

and then everything went dark

when you woke up again you were buried under a bunch of rubble

which bruce picked up off of you

you ran out to where thor, tony, and steve were

you saw thanos and froze

they were engaged in a battle and you tried to keep your distance in order to collect yourself for a moment

which proved to be futile because you were dragged into the fight not long after

you kinda got your ass handed to you

it wasn’t pretty

you were lying on the ground when all of a sudden you saw orange light surrounding you

you looked up to see portals opening, all your allies who you had thought to be dead stepping out

you saw wanda and you stopped breathing for a moment

you got up as quick as you could

which proved to be difficult due to ur injuries and overall extreme fatigue

you launched yourself at her, bringing her into the tightest hug you could muster

the two of you held onto each other for a moment before you had to return to fighting

maximoff sibling teamup part 2???? yeah most definitely 

fast forward to after thanos and his bitch ass army lost (im sorry i just really dont have the energy to write all that rn)

and to after tony’s funeral 

you and wanda had a l o t of catching up to do

like

5 years worth LOL

u had to comfort her over vision’s death a lot

considering that to her, that was still only a couple days ago

and a lot of the time when you two talked the mood was kinda depressing, all things considered

but you still tried to keep it lighthearted

for example

your absolute favorite thing in the world was the fact that you were now older than her due to the snap, 3 years older to be exact

you held it over her all the time, constantly making fun of her for it

all in good fun of course

something wanda really loved was when you would tell her stories from when she was in the soul world (only happy ones ofc)

though it made her sad that you had to go so long without her, and she missed out on so much

she wanted to know what she had missed

all in all

you two were incredibly close, the snap and its aftermath only further confirming that

sibling goals tbh

a/n #2: aaaaaa im sorry to end it on that note (i didnt know how to end it im sorry asf) but yeah </3 and once again, so sorry this took me so long to post, ive been super busy with school && life in general so i just havent gotten around to it :( butttttttttttt if u guys want i could try to continue this series of headcanons for wandavision?? i’d wait until friday ofc for the final episode and id spoiler tag it and everything but i could try my best? might be kinda difficult but i think it could be fun so if anyone wants that then lmk!! :)

[semirandomdaydreams]

What do I even do now?

My sister just left to go back home.

My bf is with his dad for memorial day

Now it's just me and mom

My dad's been gone a week and a half

The visitation, the funeral...seeing my grandparents bury thier son, my mom bury her husband. My sisters and I bury our father.

Around 400 people came through at the visitation

But now I've got to face the process of a new every day. And I know all the trauma of this is going to hit me soon. I know there's no way for me to be prepared for this. Nobody can be prepared to watch thier father die as they keep doing compressions. To get told, with a cold emotionless face by a person who was supposed to be family, that has been cared for for the past six years in my parents home, that he shot my father.

My father was murdered. I was with him while he died.

Those are facts. Those things are so incongruent to me...they don't make sense.

None of us could have guessed how purely evil the man who did this was. So arrogant and clearly, painfully lucid when he gladly told the police he was happy he killed him. Hoped to piss on his grave.

And then I have to be ready for when the fear hits me that, had things been just minorly different, had he carried out wanting "to shoot him in the head when he saw me trying to resuscitate my dad. To finish the job." That there is every chance that I could have been killed too.

I don't know how to do this. I know nobody does. But I still can't help saying it and feeling scared. I'm so scared that i won't be able to hold myself up through this.

And God I miss him..he was my every day, all my life he's been there. I've never gone this long without talking to him. And I know that pain never goes away either. I just...I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone in all this. But who do you even talk to about this?

I guess sometimes you just make a long post on a tumblr you never use.

I'm just..I'm lost, but im going to keep trying to move till things start to make sense again.

[angstymdzsthoughts]

wow im loving this new ask layout.

it was post canon and wwx has been living with his husband and son in cr for a couple years now. jc is still somewhat reluctant to talk to him but he understands. jl comes by to nighthunt with his friends regularly. one unlucky day wwx had a mishap with resentful energy during a nighthunt accident and lsz died in the process.

everyone was heartbroken but wangxian were absolutely destroyed. they stayed in seclusion for months. wwx couldnt stand the guilt and had no face to see his son's friends and the other lans. even when lwj finally had to come out for sect duties wwx chose to stay in seclusion. he abandoned his regular cultivation and swore off demonic cultivation forever. in an effort to cheer up his husband, lwj persuaded him to go on a trip to worship the gods to pray for sizhui's death anniversary.

they came across a small temple, old and rickety and overgrown, and out of kindness they cleaned up and left a small offering. wwx just wanted his family back. lwj wanted a chance to start all over again. it suddenly stormed heavily that evening, so they had to take shelter in the temple for the night, taking caution to ask for permission from the resident god.

when they woke up, they were at the cloud recesses. lwj woke up in his old bedroom in a body that felt too small. wwx woke up startled in a guest bedroom in cr with jyl sitting by his bed.

"a-ying? did you have a nightmare?" wwx choked back a sob and just hugged his shijie for comfort. only then did he notice that he felt too small, and too soft. he looked down at his hands, then at his body. he was somehow a girl.

then jyl's presence in his room would make more sense. girls and boys dorms are separated in the cr. wangxian woke up as an alternate version of themselves with their original memories as well as the memories of their new body. lwj was still lan er gongzi. but in this body, she was just wei ying, a senior disciple of yunmeng jiang.

wangxian met each other again in class and wy took caution to not vex lqr too bad this time, lest he disapprove of their inevitably impending union. jc eyed lwj furiously when he approached wy after class to talk privately. it seemed that the two of them were the only ones reborn.

the first thing lwj did after that was ask his uncle to send a formal betrothal request to ymj for wy's hand. which to lqr was weird, but lz wouldnt budge. he thought lxc could still marry a more proper wife, so its fine.

they spent the rest of the year courting, lwj was in such a rush to marry wy. wy wasnt /actually/ jyl's little sister so it was no issue if she married first. meanwhile, jyl's betrothal was broken. this time by her own brother who punched jzx so hard he broke his nose. wangxian got married a year after they finished studying in gusu.

everyone was overjoyed when wy got pregnant. even mdm yu was happy for her. when their son was born, lwj recognized his soul to be their a-yuan, and wy cried her lungs out in joy. their little son had his old nose, lwj's nose, but now the rest of him look like them too. his hair was midnight black like lz's but with wy's playful curls. he had wy's ears and little constellation of moles on his skin. he even had lz's light eyes.

lqr wouldnt let go of his grandnephew that lan huan had to bargain with his uncle to be able to hold his nephew. after a-yuan could walk, they went to visit lotus pier. the toddler /adored/ jiang cheng, laughing and squealing loudly in his arms. he loved getting head pats by jyl and kept demanding attention from mdm yu by pulling on her skirt or hugging her leg and crawling into her lap. he wasnt so fond of jfm, however, only looking away in disinterest or reaching out his hands to his parents. for once jfm felt left out in his family.

wangxian wracked their brain trying to stop the sunshot campaign from happening, but wrh's power ran deeper than they thought and they could only postpone it, not prevent it completely. the wens attacked lotus pier first, burning it to the ground and killing jc's parents. the jiang siblings ran to cr, but it only served to bring the wen dogs sniffing at cr's door.

wy is talented in cultivation, but having sworn off resentful energy and having to protect the sect's children as well as her own, she could only do so much while her husband was taken to the nightless city.

lwj eventually managed to escape and jc with the help from qinghe nie managed to gather the survivors of his sect. they all went to war and the sun was finally shot. lwj came home to wy just in time to tell him they were expecting a daughter.

this time there was no yin hufu for jgs to fight over, just the remnants of the wen sect. knowing llj would abuse the war prisoners, lwj spoke up and ppl listened when he proposed the wen remnants go to qinghe for trials. civilians are left to themselves while criminals are sent to labor. the resouces belonging to the wen sect was distributed to other sects both big and small depending on how much casualty they suffered under wrh.

jzx fell in love with jyl during the war and got married as soon as it was over. jin ling was born not too long after a-yuan's little sister lan yuyan. together jyl and jzx forced llj to give out resources for jc to rebuild his sect.

3zun still became sworn brothers and wangxian didnt exactly know when jgy got married, so he still married qin su. jgs had jgy kill nmj, and when jgy wont agree to spy on gusulan he had another one sent. lwj sent nmj a missive not to trust jgy with calming and avoided his death.

it took a couple years, but when jgs thought he was ready he even imprisoned jzx and his family in koi tower, depriving them of any communications and arrested disciples that are loyal to jzx.

llj was gearing up to war once again, this time against everyone else. jgs had, unbeknowst of everyone, gotten the note on core melting hand technique and had xue yang learn it.

wangxian reached out to nhs, trying to find a way to kill jgs. realizing that jgs was fully prepared to kill lxc, jgy turned his sights over to jzx, admitting his faults and teaming up to kill jgs. jgs had jzxun attack qinghe, but it was easily defended against. xue yang led the troop against cloud recesses.

xy aimed at the main lan family and injured a-yuan. in a desperate attempt to save his family, lwj jumped out and xy destroyed his golden core. meanwhile, he still sent spiritual energy towards saving his son. distracted by his victim, wy managed to cut xy's head off. back in llj, jgy along with jzxuan and jc attacked jgs's forces in koi tower. jc beheaded jgs and with that this new war was over.

thanks to lwj, lan yuan was fine and his injury was stabilized. however the destruction of lwj's golden core not only take away his cultivation but also mangled his meridians. wy could do nothing but weep with her daughter in her lap while lxc and lqr played healing for her husband.

lwj died in his sleep that night, finally exhaling his last painful breath while wy fell asleep from crying. his funeral along with those fallen during the attack was held a few days after. wy didnt look like herself in the mourning clothes she wore along with the children.

wy was inconsolable and kept apologizing the the children. especially a-yuan. fate had been so cruel on him that he couldnt grown up with two parents twice over. it seemed that in this life too he would be named sizhui. wy refused to move and kept sigil by lwj's coffin.

suddenly su minshan came out of nowhere and started yelling at her. calling her a jinx and an unlucky bitch that shouldve prevented her husband from dying. lqr yelled at him to leave. two and a half year old lan yuyan tried to shoo him away, punching at his knees. but the adult man just kicked the little girl away. jc couldnt stay silent anymore and wrapped zidian around sms's neck and pulled, making sure his neck broke when hitting the floor.

wy didnt say anything. she just took her crying daughter and left. after making sure lan yuyan is alright, wy locked herself in her room for 3 weeks. she didnt even open the door when her kids come knocking and begging.

it broke lxc's heart to see once again two children waiting on their mother's door. he asked jyl for help in persuading wy to come out. when they came in, wy looked like a ghost still in her white mourning robes with a whole head of white hair and her eyes so weary from weeping. she fainted soon after opening the door.

they checked on her only to find out she was 2 months pregnant. the tears start anew for wy and jyl asked lxc to take wy back to lotus pier so she can recuperate with her sworn siblings. lxc and lqr reluctantly agreed and wy came with jyl and jc back to lotus pier. jzxuan became the new sect leader and severely punished jgy along with his father's men while his wife and son stayed in yunmeng.

wy made a promise with lwj once to never let their children be orphans like they were. even if only for her kids, wy tried her best to get better. she stood out in her white mourning robes in lotus pier. wy was constantly surrounded by kids, all wanting her attention. she ate jyl food with the kids and watched jc teach her kids and jin ling how to swim. after a couple months, her dark hair came back and she got healthier. her second son lan shun was born in the middle of the hot yunmeng summer in lotus pier.

after lan shun turned 1, they came back to cloud recesses. wy had some time to accept her loss, but kept thinking abt lwj. after hearing from other lan disciples, lan yuan asked granduncle to teach him inquiry. the first time lwj responded to a-yuan's guqin strings, wy broke down on her knees. wy has been wearing lwj's headband on her forearm, so lwj attached parts of his soul in it. some of it went to bichen, which lan yuan inherited. some went to lan yuyan who inherited wangji guqin. lan shun never knew his father so he didnt want anything belonging to lwj.

for now, wy had to be content with inquires to lwj. for now they had to be content with waiting for each other on the other side.

.

[shittyfanfic]

I have a marvel request. If you don't mind, may I ask for a fic about Peter's twin who survived the blip, how they handled the five years without their twin? Maybe they're a hero? Any gender is good! And maybe a little reunion when everyone who was blipped returned between the twin and May and Peter?

GUYS THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST IM SO EXCITED

The Future’s Not Ours to See

Warnings: Angst, Crying

Word Count: 1,692

When the ship landed and you stood amongst what was left of the Avengers, you felt hopeful.

You felt a sense of hope that your dorky twin brother would come stumbling down the stairs and say something dumb like, “Star Wars made space seem less terrifying” and you would punch him in the arm for scaring you and hug him with all of your super strength.

So when Tony and a mysterious blue woman came trudging off the ship, you were beginning to feel that hope turn into horror and sadness.

When Tony told you and Steve that he had ‘lost the kid’, you fell to your knees.

You expected yourself to scream and cry, hell, everyone did, but you just sat there and stared at the grass wondering where you went wrong.

Tony hugged you on the ground and kept apologizing for what had happened, saying he would trade his life for Peter’s if he could.

You kept thinking that you would do the same.

***

After mourning for another hour or so, Steve picked you up and carried you inside, your legs not being able to hold you up at the moment. Normally you’d be flipping out and bragging to Peter about how Captain America is carrying you like a princess.

Now you felt like an empty paper lunch bag, tearing at the bottom from an invisible weight.

You sit in one of the chairs spread around the table, listening to Natasha explain how Thanos did what he said he would and watched as pictures of those who had vanished slowly fade in and out.

When Peter’s popped up, you buried your head in your hands and tried to keep quiet.

Everyone continued to talk about how to reverse everything. You wanted to joke about how no one has ever listened to Que Sera Sera, but that thought was crushed by the title wave of negative emotions in record time.

Even as the team planned and Tony blew up at Steve, you stared into space.

Everyone jokes that twins are a half of one another and that they complete each other. Sure, you and Peter fought sometimes and were mean to each other over things both big and small, but you honestly felt like you were only half alive. Your brother is gone.

What ever will be will be.

***

When the team returned with the news about Thanos and their backfired plan, you felt the same as you had when you found out Peter was initially gone.

You held no hope for the Avengers getting the stones and redoing what that psychopath had done.

Sometimes even the best have to lose.

You half expected them to try and think of something else to do. After all, they’re the Avengers and they don’t take no for an answer.

But it seemed like their journey through the stars had sucked all hope and emotion out of the group and left shells of people behind.

Everyone seemed to get the memo that what was happening was just how it was gonna be, some later than others, and one by one the once perky and hopeful bunch disbanded off to try and rebuild from the rubble or just wallow in it instead.

***

Aunt May had picked you up after you called from the compound. She was too choked up to respond, but you managed to hear that she was coming to bring you home.

“Oh my gosh!”

When she got out of the car, she left the door open and launched herself into you for the strongest hug she could muster. Everything that you needed to say and that she couldn’t convey was said through that embrace.

“Hey May,” you buried you head in the crook of her neck. “I’m home.”

*Five Years Later*

You had gone through all the emotions and processing you needed after what has now been labeled ‘The Blip’...almost. Only took half a decade.

You had gotten over the fact that you should’ve gone on that spaceship with Peter rather than sit on that dumb lamppost nearby and should’ve been on Titan with him instead of panicking on Earth.

In his absence, you became the new Spider-Man. You found an old suit of his, AI and everything, and did patrols like he did. You even knew his old routes and advice he’d given you when he would ramble after a night of crime stopping.

When you initially got your powers along with your twin, you didn’t want to have to use them because being a superhero and dealing with the responsibility that comes with it wasn’t something you wanted at the time. Maybe you’re doing it now to honor your brother. You don’t even know anymore.

You had to adjust to your powers as well as the webshooters and the suit as you had never used your abilities much before, save mundane tasks like getting a snack without getting caught by May.

Once you got the hang of it, you went around and tried to help. It was less action and more basic work like helping a family get food or getting a cat out of a tree.

Every time you donned that mask, you wore it with pride as well as a weight. You had to live up to Peter.

***

When you got called to the compound, you were confused to say the least. Mr. Stark, as you remembered Peter calling him, came to your apartment to let you know that they had a way to get everyone back.

At first, you laughed and offered him a cookie you had made, saying if he needed someone to talk to, you’d listen.

After realizing he wasn’t going through a rough patch, talking and running through logistics, you began to realize this was a chance that you couldn’t pass up.

You told May, and while she was against you going, she knew that you would be devastated if you didn’t.

So you and Mr. Stark arrived at the compound a few hours later and were met by a team of somewhat optimistic heroes.

***

You couldn’t breath.

You tried sucking in air but got dust instead. Your coughs echoed off the concrete.

The weight of the collapsed compound was crushing you down and you were afraid.

One minute you think all life has been restored and the next an alien ship is launching missiles at you.

You tried calling out, pushing yourself up and clawing at metal sheets, but nothing seemed to work.

Just as you were ready to accept that you would die here, Bruce came stomping over calling your name.

“I’m here! B-Bruce I’m here!”

He quickly ran to you and threw what was pinning you down off to the side like it weighed no more than a cardboard box.

“Hey, are you okay?”

You coughed and nodded as he helped you up.

You didn’t like what you saw.

The compound was leveled. The once lush, green surrounding area was scorched with dust covering the sun and sky. Trees burnt black had flickers of orange embers and craters splotched the land.

You could hear yelling through the comms but couldn’t listen as you took in the sight around you.

Bruce quickly picked you up with his good hand and set you on his shoulder.

“Hang on kid!”

He raced over to where Cap said he was fighting.

Seeing him fight Thanos by himself was terrifying. Seeing him wielding Thor’s mighty hammer quelled the fear a bit, but you were still afraid for him.

You attempted to jump off of the giant green man’s shoulder only for him to pull you back and shake his head with a scared look.

“Bruce I can’t sit here while he fights an all powerful titan by himself!” You try fighting his grip again.

“Kid, running in there is suicide.”

“So is fighting Thanos alon-”

A loud roar rang through the sky as creatures began appearing. An army rallied behind Thanos. Hundreds upon hundreds of aliens lined behind him, each willing to die for his insane cause.

Before them stood one man, tightening a broken shield on his arm, ready to fight.

***

The portals had opened, so many ready to engage in a fight that would determine the fate of all life, and the battle began at Steve’s battle cry.

Chaos erupted as the two sides clashed. You webbed up as many mindless space gremlins and activated instant kill for the first time, piercing several of the creatures through the heart before repeating, all while looking around in amazement at the array of allies around you.

Pegasi flying across the sky, magic shields being placed in front of people, aliens and creatures you’d never even seen.

He would love this.

***

When you saw Peter land with the glove and Captain Marvel take off with it, you sprinted to him and skid on your knees in front of him.

“Peter?”

He had blood on his face, covered in dirt and sweat with messy hair and a terrified expression and you made sure to commit every detail and curve to memory.

“H-Hey. Long time no-”

You slammed into him and began to cry into his shoulder. Nothings else mattered except that your brother was in your arms and he was safe.

“If y-you ever pull anything like this again, I will melt your legos into a sword and stab you.” Your voice trembled with sobs.

“I missed you too.”

You both laughed and cried as you clung to each other for dear life.

***

After the battle, you took Peter back to May and watched as she crushed Peter in her arms and refused to let go.

She eventually grabbed you and smushed you into the hug as well, keeping her family in her arms and not daring to waste a second.

You all attended Tony’s funeral. Both you and Peter were trying to keep it together and failing miserably.

Once the service concluded, you all went back to the apartment and laid on the floor. No one said anything because no one had to.

You were back together and that needed no words.

[aspiestvmusings]

WandaVision Questions

SPOILERS for whole series of WandaVision

Here is a very long list of questions that the series has still not fully answered & ones that they have..kinda...answered already: 

I’ve separated the questions by Character/Topic they are referring to. 

I do not think we’ll get answers to each of these. There’s just not enough time. Even if the finale is the lenght I’m hearing it is. But several..yes. And more will be left as “cliffahangers” and expored in other/future MCU projects...

WANDA 

What or Who did Wanda see exactly during that Mind Stone experiment in Sokovia? Did she see a vision of her futrure self as Scarlett Witch? Did a past or different Scarlett Witch appear to her? Did the “vision” pass the crown on to her, choosing her as the next scarlett witch [Find the Goddess within]? Did she “absorb” the figure she saw? Did it just appear to her as a “vision” from the future or past..or a different dimension? And who exactly was it? BASICALLY ANSWERED in 1x09

Is Wanda a born witch or a born mutant? Her powers seemed to first manifest at around age 10 [10 = X = x gene]... same is happening to her Twins in the hex. This seems to suggest she was born “different”, and the mind stone just awakened & heightened her powers. 

When did Wanda go to SWORD? How much time had passed since Tony’s funeral & her talk with Hawkeye? Same/Next day or a bit/week later? 

How did Wanda know Vision’s body was there? Was the info in his “living will” or did Avengers have that info on file somewhere? Who told her this, and when? (no-one was there for her & no one went with her because they are all in “not good” state: Hawkeye & Scott are reunited with families, Hulk is healing, Old! Cap is just...old, Thor & guardians are far away, Nat & Tony are gone. Spidey & Rhodey & Wakandans didn’t know her.. And everyone’s a mess, grieving, too. So... that’s why she is alone, cause she really has lost everyone who is close to her... no one left...)

How much in control is Wanda...by now? Has it been all subconsious or does she understand what’s happening? She seemed to create the hex unintentionally, just as byproduct of her grief. And at first she does not seem to understand it’s not real. But just like Vision, she, too, seems to become more & more aware of what’s actually going on. At first she keeps saying she means no harm, but by episode 7 she is questioning if she maybe is the bad guy in the story. How aware is she by now? And will it be about acceptance & letting go (of the ones she’s lost)...as she takes the hex down? Cause this is about her going through the stages of grief... (so I have prepared to see Vision die...again... with big fireworks, I guess...just like Tony’s IM suit army did for IM3 christmas fireworks show...cause everything seems to point to this...it’s the most logical concusion to the story...even if I/we all wish there was another way...) Everything points to 3rd ep being the turning point.  The birth of the twins & losing some control of the illusion, mention of something from actual reality trigger her waking up from the dream. Cause while she first sensors the broadcast at the end of ep 2 already (No!), I’m not sure she’s yet aware of things yet. But throwing ot Monic...seeing herself do that...affects her. But she does not understand the full extent of it all til the very end...when she “feels the peoples pain”

Is there any meaning to Wanda playing with the fingers of her hand when she’s asking to be let in to see Vision’s body? Maybe it’s just a stim, but it almost looks as if she’s trying to play with a wedding/engagement ring that’s supposed to be on that finger/hand? 

Was it Wanda who edited the footage from the Mind Stone experiment Strucker did on her? Or was it the "Mind Stone”? Because that editing (rewinding time) looked very similar to the editing that’s happening during WandaVision broadcast. 

Is this about Wanda learning to use, control & understand her powers...just as much as it’s about her letting herself grieve? She needs to “access her powers (the yoghurt) or it’ll all turn to chaos...?  ANSWERED in 1x09: YES!

What exactly are Wanda’s powers & what do they mean? It almost seems like she’s a living form of all 6 infinity stones, channeling their energy inside her. During the Hex she’s demonstrated that she can also “rewind time” (time stone) - the editing. I’d say it’s easier to say what she can’t do than list everything that she can do.

Was Wanda actually already pregnant BEFORE creating the hex? Was the “for the children” chant also subconcious, like many other things/lines? And did she give birth to the kid(s) in the hex..or was that birth “not real” & she’s still expecting when the hex comes down? If she was before Hex, then that’d mean the twins can & do exists outside of it, too. Because it’s only been a few weeks since Scotland for her, so who knows...  Or maybe their origin is more magical (blipped back into the wrong womb...Wanda’s? Created by her...cause “she was all alone”) And since FFH showed us that the world did not seem to be in total chaos, instead recovering, then how & why will things change about 8 months from now...and things are “on pause” til then? Cause FFH takes place 8 months after WV. One thing that fits this timeline would be human pregnancy, and then the birth process creates chaos (I still think all the glitches during the twins birth were caused by Wanda...cause she lost control of details on the hex...for  bit...not agathas doing), and that’s why multiverse is “ripped open” only then, not now. #wildtheory OR...are both general public & Peter unaware of what really happened in Westview?

VISION

Which Vision will win the Vision vs Vision fight? Well, the show aansered this question already in episode with the line: “The death rate of single men is twice that of married men". This means Wanda’s Vision (Hex Vision) will win over Hayward’s Vision (White/Spectral Vision...Ultron). The question is how will Hex Vision “die”?. Cause as much as we’d all love for a Vision to survive, he can’t... for the show (and Wanda) to get closure. Will he die in battle or as the hex goes down? KINDA ANSWERED in 1x09: HexVision did win the “confrontation”, but he was also the one who “died”/Wanda said goodbye to as hex went down.

What happened to Vision’s body after the Wakanda Battle & Thanos’ snap? How & why did he end up at SWORD? [not stay in Wakanda, or go to Avengers/Tony? When did SWORD get a hold of the body? When Maria was still running the place...and Avengers “trusted” her or did Hayward somehow pull some strings after her death? Is this related to Sokovia accord, and based on them the body/vibranium belonged to the government? Cause it sounds like they had him before Tony’s death 3 weeks ago? And Hayward used that trust put on SWORD, when he got promoted & turned things around, including starting project “Cataract”] Seems like he had been there ever since the Snap, but was safe until Hayward took over. Cause no way he had time to complete the project in just few weeks since Tony’s death. So...  someone trusted SWORD at some point...before the shady Hayward took over...without anyone suspecting anything. 

How exactly is Hex Vision “alive”? Is it just Wanda’s magic...is she powering him through herself/her magic? Is it cause of the Mind Stone she “created” for him? We knew from ep 2 already that this Vision is not real real. Their stage names confirmed it - he was “Illusion”, and their act was a magic trick cause the whole hex thing was a “magic trick”. And if you reverse the roles, then this line from ep 2 tell you what Wanda did...when she broke down:  “Fear not, Glamour, for I, Illusion, wow to bring you back exactly as you are.” She brought him back (looking like) exactly as he was...even if his past memories are missing.  KINDA ANSWERED in 1x09

How real is Hex Vision? Seems he is connected to the Hex & cannot exist outside it, but it also seems that he is very real inside the hex...made of vibranium, and able to feel & connect (even if he has no memories of life before hex), and evolve, and use powers. And though Wanda wanted & tried to control him (and the kids), she doesn’t seem to be able to do so. Vision 2.0 seems to have his own “sense of self”, & free will. He seems to exist (within the hex) outside of Wanda & think/decide for himself. He’s not her puppet that she can control (like everyone else is). 

Will Hex Vision 2.0 be able to survive outside the Hex in some way & form? [eg. merging with White Vision] If they will merge the Hex Vision & the White Vision, then will he be complete [if Shuri’s downloaded data will be added] or will he remain an emty shell, rebooted & loses all his memories & humanity? Would they do a repat of the Gamora plot with Vision, where a character will have to re-learn everything to become the charcter they had become & re-create the connections she/he had already formed? Or will he die/sacrifice himself...for others...again? (especially cause this is all about Wanda having to accept her loss & grieve... for real...so in many ways he has to be dead/die...for that to fit the shows main theme)  BASICALLY ANSWERED in 1x09

Will Hex Vision live [at the end of WV]? The shows theme (Wanda needing to grieve her losses), and the FFH tribute to fallen Avengers seems to suggest that Vision has to & will die again/not survive the hex (but Cap was also listed as one of the fallen, so... who knows?). But they can still explore all those themes if he continues to exist, because Wanda has still not properly grieved her parents & brother. And since they have brought up the fact that he is a synthezoid (not regula human), and talked about being a combination of “AI” & physical body, then the idea of the two being separated & re-connected has been introduced. Based on what we know - Vision’s character traits, Wanda’s grief journey...we should expect him to sacrifice himself again...for others/to save her/others. It’s just who he is. Just like one of his sources, Tony. The only question is if he’ll survive despite trying to sacrifice himself for others to live, or not?

If VISION survives, then what form will he be/take? Will it be the White Vision (emotionless empty shell), the Hex Vision (without past memories, but otherwise same as he was before), comnibation of both when they merge (giving us the original Vision back)? Or some other form? I mean...Paul Bettany started as the voice of Tony’s AI, then he transformed into Vision, so maybe he can change “form” again? Vision has already, kinda, “died” three times... 1) by Wanda’s hands in IW, 2) by Thanos ripping out the MindStone & 3) when exiting the Hex in ep 6. And before all this, they were preparing to separate him from the stone, because MCU Vision can survive without the stone...even if he might lose some parts of himself without it... Shuri just didn’t have enough time to complete the task... (but there should be enough that there is a chance to bring him back in the future og MCU, I’d say...)

Did Wanda create both the vibranium & The Mind stone for the Hex Vision? How? Is Agatha correct & she is capable of spontaneous creation (Nexus Being)? Based on current evidence this seems to be the truth. 

Is that a real Mind Stone on Vision 2.0′s head? If so, then how & from what did Wanda create it? Or is that just a fake jewelry decoration on his forehead? We saw that an object looking like Mind Stone was the last piece she “created” when she created Hex Vision...you can see it “fly” towards the just-formed-vision, but what is it really? Did she create it...from nothing, from the “atoms” it had become? Did she “take” it from another universe? 

How & why can Hex Vision set others free of Wanda’s hex spell? Is it Wanda’s powers that were transferred to the new creation? Is it the Mind Stone? 

How & Why does hex Vision seem to have Pietro’s “quicksilver” superspeed ability? [my take: Wanda, in her greif, gave her new Vision 2.0 both her Vision’s & her brothers abilities, cause she was still grieving them both, so subconsiously she did that..or The Vision always had that ability and I/he was just not aware of it/never used it before] 

Did going through the Hex barrier change Vision 2.0, too? (like it did with Monica?) Does it affect everyone & everything that enters/exits? Did it change something within this Vision? Or did it not affect him in any such way..cause hes made of vibranium?

When did Vision buy that propery for them? Seems that he did before the events of IW. It fits his lines “what if I don’t go back”...And based on the state of the property it seems like the construction of their house/home had started before the Snap (foundation laid), but then everything was abandoned...

Does Hex Vision sleep? Cause The Vision is/was a synthezoid, so he should not need to sleep, but does he close his eyes & “kind of sleep” & does Hex Vision do the same? Because he seems to miss all the decade changes between the episodes on WV. He “wakes up” only to see that Wanda has changed things...again... In otehr words...how does he miss the moment when they move from one decade to the next? PS. The Vision doesn’t eat food, doesn’t need to sleep, don’t grow old like humans..etc..but for Wanda he cooks, “sleeps” next to her, buys a house to grow old in... #feelyourfeels

What is up with Hex Vision’s eyes? Is it just my imagination or have they changed, a bit? In some scenes they looked more “human” & less “robotic”? PS. They re-create Paul’s eyes in MCU, making them machine-like. Did they just miss doing that for some scenes on accident? Or was it changed on purpose? Or did it just seem so to me?

What was the meaning of the Dead!Vision vision that Wanda saw in ep 4? Was it just one of the ways Agatha was messing up things..trying to make Wanda “wake up” and deal with her greif? Was it Wanda losing control of the hex dream for a moment & being reminded that her “original” Vision is actually still dead...and looks like that? The Dead!Vision & Dead!Pietro moments reminded me a lot of Dead!IM/Tony moment from FFH, where Peter sees him “raise from the grave” It’s all Mysterio’s illusion, based on a script written by one of his team, but it works cause Peter is grieving his mentor, so it “feels real” to him. 

CATARACT VISION

What is the purpose of White Vision? Who/What is he/it? Ultron? White/Sooulless machine? Does he have Wanda’s Vision’s memories & all? Why was White Vision looking at his left hand, when he was rebooted [Ultron? Vision..looking for a wedding ring and/or lookig if his hand is still there cause he saw its pieces being pulled back to the hex?]  ANSWERED in 1x09

What exactly was Hayward’s/SWORD’s plan with Vision’s body? Just to rebuild & reboot him into a weapon? [that goes against the Sokovia accords & Visions living will]

Why & How is Tony’s (new element) triangular arc reactor now on White Vision’s hear in place of the Mind Stone? How did Hayward get a a hold of that?

What does it mean that the White Vision, after being powered up (rebooted) & opening his eyes first looked at his left hand? Is this supposed to be a reference to Ultron (AoU)...and he was checking out his new perfect form (Utron los his arm in AoU, so was he surprised his new body had it)? Was it Vision looking for a wedding ring (do the different Visions share data automatically & hence share memories?) or checking if his hand is still intact (not flown back to the hex as he stayed outside?)

What is “Project Cataract”? Well...cataract is an eye “disease”, which causes the eye to be look white/gray & it can cause double vision. So the name is very fitting. Hayward’s “vision” is the double, and he is white like cataract...  

Is the White Vision we see in ep 8 mid-credits scene the same Vision that we see in parts in the ep 8 flashback scene? Who is working at SWORD with Hayward? How did they manage to put him back together, add the “arc reactor” to his head & do a paint job...all within a week? Cause it’s been a week since they gave Wanda the show with the parts on the tables. Or is this a copy? Their fist copy version of him? [in a real magic trick everything is fake]  ANSWERED in 1x09

THE TWINS [Billy & Tommy] 

Are the Twins real? Who & How created them? [did they come to be through procreation and are Wanda & Vision’s offspring..somehow, or were they created in some other, more magical way? From what? When & How] AKA did they follow the comics canon or change it (how much?)?

Will the Twins survive the Hex? Can they exist outside the hex? Does it depend on whether they were created inside the hex or outside/before..or not?

Who aged up the Twins? Was it the Twins (Speed?) Based on Agnes’ comments that she & Wanda cannot control (these) kids, seems it wasn’t them. Seems it was the Twins, who did it? But did they cause the speedy pregnancy, too? Or was that..some other force?

How exactly was Billy able to hear both his dad/Vision 2.0 & Hayward (others) in episode 6, when he was inside the Hex & they were outside the Hex? What does it mean that his power extends to outside the hex, too?

Where were the Twins in episode 7? Where did Agnes hide/keep them? During those few minutes before we wee then again...”on the leash”

Will the Twins age themselves up again before the end of the series? To help their parents in the battle against the baddies? Or at the end (post credits scene, for example]?  ANSWERED in 1x09

  THE HEX 

Why television broadcast & why WandaVision? Well It’s literally Wanda’s TELEVision we’re watching. Televised Vision. #endlesswordplay 

Why hexagon(s)? Just because it’s a recurring shape in nature, etc? Or is it a reference to bees...beekeeper...Hive? Cause there is something called The Hive in MCU... And hexes & hexagons also appear in MCU a lot & the number 6 is important: Portals during space travel, inside Visions body... Also..there was 6 original Avengers & 6 infinity stones, Visions body taken into 6 parts for the show Hayward puts on for Wanda... 

How & why was the WandaVision TV show broadcast from the Hex? Seems that it was Wanda who created the hex...”unintentionally”...from her grief, and broadcast the show, but why? Or did someone else broadcast it? Why did she/someone want the outsiders to see what was happening inside?

Who created the commercials? Are they part of Wanda’s sitcom & created by her, subconciously? Or are they created by someone else? Vision (TeleVision). Or someone/something else?  Maybe the “light in the sky” news in Westview newspaper that Vision ead in one scene isn’t a reference to the SWORD camp. Maybe there is someone else there, too? Maybe this answers our question about how Dr. Strange has not yet sensed it & arrived there? Maybe these are hidden messages sent by someone else...to Wanda...to make her wake up from her dream? And they could even be changed by the hex into commercials insted of their original form? Or were they subconcious narating the story to her?

Who is pulling the strings? Is it all Wanda (Hex) & Agatha (messing things up)? Or is there more to it & someone/something else in involved in all of it? If so then who? 

Why was the town in “ruins” & the people all so “sad” & “alone” when Wanda arrived there? Is it only because of the Snap/Blip & the town had turned this way during those 5 years, or is there more? It’s definitely cause of Snap & Blip, but I do wonder if there is more to it than just that?

Why did we only see one half of each couple as Wanda drove through the city...even if SWORD identified many of them as couples (and they’ve said couples were kept together in the hex) because it seems that one person from each couple has an “accident” during the sitcom: Vision has the “gum” issue in ep 2, Mr. Hart chokes in ep 1, Dottie breaks a glass and bleeds in ep 2...?, Are some of the other sitcom characters actually dead? (and Wanda brought everyones partner back...just like she did with her own?) But then...how & why did SWORD identify several of the couples & no-one mentioned some of them being dead? Or... are the databases incomplete because of the Snap/Blip mess (we know from FFH some people used the Snap to run & hide (start a new life elsewhere)... who weren’t actually blipped...so maybe not all dead/blipped have been reported?) The lesson might be that though the people, like her, were sad & mourning, then “you should not bring back dead”, because they had already mourned them... whether their oved ones were gone gone or just blipped gone... 

Does the hex cause mutations to everyone who go through it several times? Or just people with certain X gene? Or just people, who were Blipped? [If everyone who goes through the hex gets their cells re-written, then that also includes Vision = 1x, Darcy = 1x, SWORD clowns = 1x, Beekeeper = 1x... so did they get a mutation, too?] Will all the people inside the hex get powers once the hex goes down?

Why did the “hex breached” alarms go off at just before Fietro appeared at Wanda & Visions doorstep in episode 5? Why did they go off? Who entered or exited the hex at that time? Or...was it the same alarm that was still on because Wanda exited & entered the hex? Cause we see them enter the tent after the encounter..so perhaps it was just moments ago, while a shole scene had hapened during that time in the WV freality. 

Is the purpose of the Hex just to keep Visin 2.0 alive & keep the happy dream alive OR is the purpose also to keep others outside? To protect that reality from Hayward (who wants to take him to pieces & weaponize him)? Cause in some ways this invisible energy field looks a bit similar to the dome surrounding & protecting Wakanda from outsiders. 

What will happen to Wanda, Hex!Vision, The Twins, Monica, Fietro, Agatha, the people of WestView...when the hex goes down? 

AGNES/AGATHA 

When exactly did Agatha arrive to the hex? At the moment we first saw her land putside Wanda & Visions house with that plant in episode 1? Or sooner..and she was just staying away til then?

What is Agatha’s plan? What does she want? She seems to be at awe of Wanda’s powers/creation & she also seems to be grieving, too. And she seems to want to bring someone back to life...it seems. [Ralph? Her kid(s)...cause it’s all for the children? The person for whom/because of whom she used the darkest of magic in 1693? Turn the rabbit back to the person it was before?] She sounded so hopeful when the twins told Wanda she can bring back the dead. 

Why did Agatha use the darkest of magic in 1693? What did she want to do? (was she trying to bring someone back to life? Her “soulmate”, her kid?)

Why does Agatha feed on Wandas magic? Is it just a way for her to stay alive/young? Does she need to “snak on yo magic” to survive? Or does she need others magic to remain magical herself and/or to become more powerful?  Has she learned to control her powers over time, cause in 1693 she claimed she could not yet. And she just seems to be impressed by Wanda’s powers & a bit jeaous that it’s taken her 400 years to learn simple spells, while Wanda can just randomly use hers...without even trying. 

Why & How do none of the townspeople seem to questions Agnes...if she’s a stranger, an outsider? Seems they’re comptletely under Wanda’s control, hence don’t break character & acknowledge they do not know her?

How did Agatha get into the hex? How was she able to get in? By using magic? Some other way? How did she sneak in without Wanda noticing, and chaning her, and taking control of her? How & why did Wanda not sense her arrival if she’s an outsider? If she arrived after Wanda set up the hex, then how soon after? Did she arrive before or after SWORD had set up camp outside the hex? (we first see her after the camp is up & watching the tv show, but she might’ve been inside for longer)

Who is her mother-in-law that she mentions in episode 1 as she arrives? Just a line of  or is there significance?

Who is Agatha working with/for? SWORD/Hayward? Some secret master/partner [Ralph?]? 

Whose house is Agatha living in? If she really did arrive only after sensing Wanda’s magic, and coming to the hex after it was created then who is/was Wanda’s real neighbour & what happened to them? Or did the house just happen to be empty? KINDA ANSWERED in 1x09

Is Agatha’s basement inside or outside the Hex? The aspect ratio seemed to change as Wanda went from her house to her basement...making it seem like its outside the hex, but is it? 

If Agatha arrived to this place just a week ago, then what’s up with that basement? How can Agatha’s secret LAIR in the basement exist “inside the hex”? If Agatha arrived after the hex was cerated then how & why wasn’t this basement transformed by hex creation? How was it set up - did it come with the house or did Agatha add it? And how is it unaffected by Wanda’s hex? If its outside hex (as the change in aspect ratio suggests), the how is that possible? Who created it/set it free of Wanda’s hex? Is it in another dimension or ? We’ve seen that enhanced indivuduals can use their powers inside Wanda’s hex, and she does not seem to be aware of everything going on. So...did Agatha use her magic & create the LAIR inside the hex during the days of the sitcom? 

What are the runes in the basement about? Yes, their purpose is to “protect” the space from other witches using their magic in that space, but why hexes and why these symbols...what do they mean? And did she add them in past few days or have they always been there? ETA: Oh, they’re not so much physical objects, and more like “drawing on the wall”

What is that book in the basement? (several options) The book in the basement could be one of several important books from the comics or MCU. But when hexagons are involved, and with the kowledge that “Wanda” will appear in the new Dr. Strange film, then while I do not know what book it is, it’s most likely the one missing from the wall of books inside hexagons in Dr. Strange film. ANSWERED in 1x09

How did the book get there? If Agatha brought it with her when she arrived then how & why did it not change when she entered the hex? If it was already there then whsoe is it & what does it mean? How is it there? 

Why does Wanda keep calling Agnes “a life saver”? Did she save her life/Does she think she saved her life & it’s her subconcious remembering it? Will she save her life & it was foreshadowing? 

Were all the “naughty” references about Agatha just about the coming reveal that “it was Agatha all along...who kept messing up everything”?  (Wanda called her naughty in ep 1 already, she wore pants with the word “naughty” on them in ep 6...)

Is Agnes the Villain, the Friend-in-disguise or the Neutral (therapist, guide)? Is she messing with Wanda just because she admires her & wants to learn from her (her own mom would not teach/guide her...how to control her powers)? Does she want to “feed on her magic” (to get more powerful herself)? Does she need her to help help/teach her to bring someone back to life? Is her plan to just get what she wants or to help Wanda while learning from her? Cause at first she seems to do everything she can to see what Wanda & Vision can do (show their powers). And she seems to want to kind of guide her...to help her “grieve”, to get her to “wake up” from the hex dream... but not necessarily in a  villain way...

Why is Agnes’ magic purple? Is there a connection to Power Stone? And why are her magic tricks similar to some other MCU characters (Dr. Strange, Ancient one)? Agatha taking a piece of Wandas hair (as Strange did with Thor)? The purple “portal” door to Wanda’s past memories... kinda like Strange’s portals...to other place/time... Is it just about using similar CGI or is there a connection?

What is the significance of the broach Agnes/Agatha wears all the time? The one she took from her dead mothers body. 

Why does Agatha leave the protected basement area right after she realizes who Wanda really is? She’s just found out just how powerful Wanda is, so why let her outside, where Wanda can use her powers (against her)? She should know that she has no chance against her, right? ANSWERED in 1x09

Is Agatha sincerely moved by the WandaVision moment & Vision’s quote on grief? She sheds a single tear & wipes it away. But Wanda doesn’t see her do it/is not looking at her, so this seems to be real...she seems to be genuily moved by it all,  not mocking the “scene”. 

RALPH 

Where is Ralph? Who is Ralph? Agatha keeps mentioning him...constantly, but we’ve never seen him? And no-one seems to question it...Wanda & Vision never wondered why they never saw Ralph. Does he even exist? Did Agnes/Agatha just make himup...for Wanda’s sitcom? ANSWERED in 1x09

Is this just misdirection? is this simply about the old tv/sitcom trope where a character is mentioned all the time, but never seen? If there no other “mystery” to Ralph? Or does he exist? If so...is he one of the characters weve already seen? (the rabbit, the mailman, Hayward)

THE RABBIT (SENOR SCRATCHY)

What is up with that rabbit? Who or what is it? Agatha’s son, Nichols Scratch? Or her sons old man, Senior Scratch aka her husband? Or is it a reference to “Devil” aka old scratch (hex = 6 = 666)? That does not seem to be your usual pet rabbit, because it eats bugs/birds, and it purrs. That seems to be a cat in disguise...if not something else. And Agatha talks to it, too (though people do love to talk to their pets, so maybe that part’s not important) But this is definitely not just a pet bunny. Yet...I dont know if this is Mephisto, or some other villain. Or if it’s Wong/Strange in disguise or something?

FIETRO 

Who exactly is this Pietro in the Hex? And where did he come from? Did Agatha “bring” him in from somewhere or did she just take a hold of some guy? Did she create him? Is he a Pietro from another universe? Is he just a random guy? He seems to have the superpowers Quicksilver has, but he looks different than Pietro (buried in Sokovia...with their parents, and Agatha can’t raise the dead or puppet bodies full of bulletholes, so she is just controlling some other dude) But we’ve known somethings off with him since start...even Wanda & Vision both are suspicious about the guy...since start.

Is Fietro under Agatha’s control when he sneaks up to Monica at the end of episode 7 #snoopersgonnasnoop or just snooping around on his own? Does Agatha use him as her eyes & ears at that moment AKA does she know Monica was snooping around? Or was she too busy with playing Wanda’s therapist to deal with him/other stuff?

Who brought Fietro there? Was he just another person living in WestView that Agatha controlled to get the truth out of Wanda? Did he come from outside the hex & then be taken over by Agatha? Did Wanda somehow, subconciously, bring him there/creaate him, before Agatha took over his senses? Cause we’ve seen that a lot of the things that tappen in WV are coming from Wanda’s subconcious. After she thinks of something and/or hears someone mention an idea, it becomes true. It’s like she uses the ideas she & others have to subconciuouly write the script of the next scene/ episode?

What’s the significance of Fietro’s necklace? ANSWERED in 1x09

Why did they coin the term Fietro officially on the show? I’m not into comics & I don’t care that much about merging the two (fox + marvel) universes, so it doesnt matter to me if he is the FOX universe version. But...the term Fietro can be coined from both Fake + Pietro & Fox + Pietro, so it makes me suspicious... on a show that does very little without a “hidden meaning”

DOTTIE 

What’s the deal with Dottie? Who is she - just another neighbour (like “mailman” or more?) Was Agnes’ claim that she’s the key just part of her messing tactic or is there meaning in the claim?

Is there a significance to Dotties roses being yellow (while Wanda’s flowers are red & pink & Agathas are purple...in ep 7)? 

Who is Dottie in reality? She seems to be one of the few “recurring cast members” from the WV show that Darcy & team watched who is not identified yet. How & why is she not identified yet? (is she Peter’s teachers wife...who pulled a disappearing act & made everyone think she was blipped, when she had just run off with someone else...so hence not identified yet?)

MAILMAN

Who is the mailman & whats up with him? Ep 8 seemed to answer that. He seems to be just a delivery guy... Or is he? Could he be also something more/else? Is he just one of Agnes’ eyes&ears (messengers) and hence the uniforms logo with rabbit in ep 7? Is he the “missing person”?

HAYWARD 

What’s up with Hayward? Is he just another government baddie or is there more to it? His motivation seems to be that he hates “superpowered individuals” & wants to create and use sentient weapons [he’s gotten access to Tony’s arc reactor element & Vision’s body somehow] against them. He clearly set up the whole show for some purpose... for Wanda...

Does Hayward know more than he shows? Was he just asking about Wanda’s “superhero nickname” or was he aware of SW? If so..how? And how did he know she has the power to bring Visions body back to life? Did he just hope so (and was disappointed she didn’t try when she let her see him..in that condition), cause he’s heard she is very powerful, or does he know...stuff?

Will the WhiteVision kill him aka not be controlled by his master, or will Hayward live? Cause if we take away Tony, Bruce, Jarvis, Mind Stone & everything else, then all that’s left in that lab vision is Ultron. And I'm not sure Hayward & his team can actually control him for long...he’s gonna turn on his “creators” possibly. 

What  was Hayward actually tracking inside the hex? It says “vibranium decay” on the screen next to the dot, and based on that  Darcy & others conclude that he’s tracking Vision (cause they think Wanda took Visions body), but is that true? Because of the dots location on the map & the fact that it is moving, it can only be tracking Hex Vision or Agnes/Agatha. But how? Is he actually tracking the vibranium Wanda created? Or the Mind Stone Wanda created? Or something else related to Hex Vision? Or Agatha? ANSWERED in 1x09

BEEKEEPER

What happened to the [SWORD agent turned into a] Beekeeper? Where did he go to? What happened to him? Why haven’t we seen or heard of him again? Not from Wanda, not from outsiders? Is he stuck somewhere inside the hex or was he “sent out” just like Monica was ep 3? 

THE DOG

Where did the dog come from that the twins “adopted” in ep 3? Was it Agatha’s doing, or not? If that was Agatha messing with things then since she cannot create things, she can just transform things, then what was the dog before (her rabbit?) Did Wanda somehow create it...”unknowingly”?

How exactly did the dog die? Did Agatha kill it because the dog was digging up something/someone in her yard? Did it actually accidentally eat the poisonous plant? Did she kill it to test Wanda’s power...to see if she can really bring back people from dead... Is it even dead? Cause while it seems Vision did bury the dog, then perhaps it was not a  real dog at all, but just transformed into a dog by Agatha (but then...would  it not turn back to its original form after it died? No?)?

THE MISSING PERSON 

Who is the missing person, who was/is in the witness program? Jimmy said it’s a “he”,  but perhaps that was a misdirection. Is there even a missing person or was that just a made up story (by Hayward? by someone else)...just to have a reason to set up camp next to the hex? Was the missing person "Wanda”, was it “Hex Vision” (did Hayward somehow get info that there is a “Vision” there?) Is it the person who lived in the hosue Agatha resides? Is it Ralph? Is it Wanda’s father (he survived, but it was secret? Is it someone from the MCU past (Justin Hammer from IM2; Sonny Butrch from Ant-Man? Trevor Slattery from IM3 (since we are living inside a tv show & everyone was playing roles in Wanda’s sitcom & Shakespeare was quoted; MCU Pietro...who actualy survived?)? Is it Agnes...who is actually working for SWORD and was sent in to investigate the hex, but when not returned, was named “missing”?

Why has Jimmy not mentioned him again...for days? If he’d been one of the townspeople who have been seen & identified [info sheets on the board], we’d probably heard of it, so we have to assume it’s none of the ones who are seen on the board. Or... the opposite...he has not mentioned it again, because it IS one of the identified people. He’s not mentioned it again cause he knows theyre alive & “safe”? 

Who it is definitely not? Since the events of FFH take place 8 months AFTER this WV event, then this cannot be Peter Parker & his friends, cause while he would have reason to be in witness protection after those events, they’ve not happened yet... And though this would be THE biggest shock & Mark Hamill level cameo, then since RDJ is done with MCU/Tony/IM & as much as it would be awesome, then I doubt it’s Tony, cause that sadly would make the endgame events “less meaningful” (he had to safrifice himself...otherwise the impact would not have been as strong)

MONICA 

Why exactly did Monica get powers when going through the hex? Is it because she has the X-gene? Is it cause she was blipped? Or does it happen to everyone who goes throgh the hex...several times? (or just those, who have the X gene & the hex just activates it or something)

Why exactly did Monica’s eyes turn to purple, when she opened Agatha’s cellar door/when Fietro caught her snooping? Was it cause she was put under Agathas spell? Or does it have to do with her newly activated power and it’s just her “seeing wavelenghts”? 

Why can Monica connect with Wanda & not see her as the “villain”? Because these two actually have a lot of common at that moment/time. That’s probably why she wants to help her, not attack her (even if she did not like being “mind controlled”) They both lost their loved one…twice. Wanda lost Vision twice, and then she was snapped away....only to return to Endgame battle (Tony’s funeral) and seeing Vision dismantled... Monica almost lost her mom, but then things seemed to get better…only for her to wake up from the Blip to find out she lost her mom (again). So both of these ladies have lost the last 5 years, and both lost their loved one “twice”. They both are kind of depressed, have PTSD, are grieving, don’t want to go on…both dealing with it on their own way...

WHO IS MONICA’S ENGINEER FRIEND? 

Was the lady she met the contact person or was she just the messenger? Cause Monica seemed to imply it’s a “he”, so perhaps we have not met her engineer friend yet? Is that lady just a military messanger or is she possibly a skrull (Talos daughter, the one Monica connected with as a kid?)

Will the engineer friend appear in WV or will he show up only in next MCU projects? Is he important or was there no deeper meaning there and/or was the skrull friend that contact/engineer?

WHERE ARE AVENGERS?

Where is Dr. Strange? Why hasn’t he (seemingly) arrived to WV yet? If Agatha could sense the Hex (the many spells cast all at once by Wanda) & that attracted her to this place... then how & why has Dr. Strange not sensed it? And how or why had he not arrived there yet...if he had sensed it? The others are all busy/not available, healing, not in a good place themselves... But Strange & co will most likely show up during the Finale/ep 9. OR NOT.

OTHER QUESTIONS: 

IF & how are skrulls involved? Meaningful or misdirection? I think they are involved..in a small way...

Why “all for the children”? Was that all Agatha’s doing, or was someone else behind that message? Was it actually Wanda’s doing...another subconcius things? (is it cause Wanda had been thinking of kids? Is it cause Agatha has lost a kid or something? Is it cause Wanda is actually pregnant?) Because the Harts brought up the topic during ep 1 dinner already before things hated up in ep 2. And almost everything in Wanda’s sitcom scripts is coming from her subconcious - they’re adapted from the events of her life & things other characters mention within the WV show... her subconcious makes random lines come true in next scenes/episode.  ANSWERED...KINDA in 1x09

Where were all the children in earlier episodes? Were they just inside, in their beds, like Fietro suggested (through Agatha), or is there more to this? And where did they all just appear in epsiode 6 (cause we’ve seen lots of them around lately...among other “background cast” just doing their everyday things...).  ANSWERED in 1x09

Who is the missing kid on the milk carton? Just random kid or is it the actual missing person Jimmy was looking for? Is it Agatha’s kid or someone elses kid?  

Why has SNAP being mentioned several times on the show? Spoken, in written (signs)? Agnes used the word “snap” in a sentence in ep 1, the cereal in ep 6 was called Sugar Snaps. One of the billboards had the word snap on it after Wanda created the hex. Agatha snapped her fingers as she dissapeared from the audience seats after the illusion came down in ep 8... Are all the SNAP references about Wanda snapping (“going crazy”) or a reference to the (Thanos) Snap? Or both?

What are all the metions of “NIGHTMARE” (and bad dreams) about? Misdirection or subtle hints at Nightmare being behind this/introduced to MCU? Whose dream is this (all)? 

What is up with mentions of “mischief” & “shenanigans” in the epsiodes. Just random or more meaningful actually? I personally do not think that this means Loki is invlved or coming, but...never say never. 

What’s up with Ultron being mentioned several times already? Meaningful or misdirection? Is the White Vision gonna be voiced by the man, who voiced Ultron (J.S.)? Is White Vision gonna be Ultron (will other parts that made Vision Vision be gone, and only Ultron remain)? Or will the emoty shell turn into Ultron while entering the hex, because the hex changes non-living objects into a more era-appropriate forms (and not so long ago that body was supposed to be Ultron’s vessel) Is Ultron somehow behind this/part of Haywards plan? 

What do the dates on the calendar mean? Is there any significance to the dates? Are they just Inside jokes (like one licence plate being Stan Lee’s birth date), or is there a meaning behind them? In ep 1 the heart is drawn on the date Wednesday, August 23rd. In the opening credits of episode 7 the heart is drawn on Friday the 10th (no month visible). The events of WV are supposed to take place in 2023....though for Wanda it may still feel like five years sooner in 2018... We do know that there is a Wed, Aug 23rd in 2023 & there are three Friday the 10th in 2023: Feb, March, Nov. But why these dates/numbers? Is it a significant date for Wanda an/or Vision? Did they secretly get engaged? (I’d say that I don’t think they were married, but perhaps they had set a wedding date or something? Cause they seemed pretty serious just at the start of IW) Or is it about a secret 10th episode? (Cause the nexus meds had 10.3%, so it might not be random...nothing seems to be on this show...though I’d sy the 10th episode is the “making of” special, nothing more...) Or just random numbers & only the heart had meaning?

What is the meaning of the colour of the flowers in the gardens in ep 7? Wanda’s are red & pink. Agnes’ are purple. Dottie’s (roses) are yellow. We know that first two match the colour of their power. What about the third one? Is she a “witch”, too?

Who “froze” those people in the outskirts of the town, close to hex in episode 6? Wanda (who can’t keep the simulation running smootly, everywhere), or Agatha (to make Vision want to find answers even more)? It does seem like this is all Wanda’s doing...meaning she doesn’t have enough power to keep everything inside the hex running smoothly at the same time, so the characters closer to the edge are more like actual puppets...barely moving.

How do Monica, Jimmy & Darcy know so much about the events of Avengers 3-4? Sure, they work for government, are not completely random citizens, but they seem to have watched the events like from a  video feed or something, cause they seem to know a lot about the details that went on… just mere weeks after the events. How?

How long had the hex been up before Jimmy & Monica arrived & Monica got  sucked in? How long before SWORD arrived & Darcy discovered the broadcast? Hours? Days? What happened in the hex before the show started broadcasting? Because after creating it we see Vision welcome her home & they watch TV, but teh show starts with them driving to WV...before entering their new home, so...did the show start only “the next day”?

Was the “hex has been breached” alarm going off at the end of episode 3 about Pietro arriving to the Hex (meaning he came from outside) or did someone enter/exit the hex & we’ve not been made aware of the person just yet?

Why were Wanda, Pietro & her parents all practicing/learning English? Did the family have a plan to escape to “west”? A view to the west? Or did the parents know more than we’ve led to believe so far, and they were slowly training their kids for their future? Were they actually “adopted”? Did they learn it for some other reason? My best guess is that they were planning to flee to west (US or somewhere)

Why did the family not flee from the war-zone? Her mother saw what was going on outside, but instead she/they used escapism...denial...and watched sitcoms...to distract themselves from the horrors of reality outside. OR were they just “giving up”, cause “there was no escaping...from that place”? And how & where was the dad sellling those dvd-s, when there is literal war (combat) right outside their home? Another example of trauma causing memories to be “tweaked”?

What was up with the secret “safe” in the wall, behind the rug on the wall in their Sokovin apartment? Wanda’s dad kept her fave thing/dvd set in there? Special place..for safekeeping. Is there more to that? “I put it in the special place. For extra safekeeping.” Is this a reference to some object Wanda (or someone close to her, like Vision) had hidden somewhere...to protect it?

What’s in the box? Which box are we talking about? The “mystery of cabinets” box? The red Nike shoe box in the secret hiding place in Wanda’s Sokovian home? The boxes the “mailman” is deloivering in ep 7? Some other box (maybe the envelope was not the only thing Vision let her/among his things that she now has)?

Where was/is the CMBR that Darcy detected from the hex coming from? Is it Wanda? Is it the Mind Stone she created? Is it something or someone else? Had it always been there in WestView or did the Hex event somehow create it? Where is it coming from? What gives off so much of it in there? Is it Wanda’s Chaos magic? Is it the “secret villain” behind Agatha?

Which way did the police car drive after Jimmy & Monica finished questioning them in ep 4? Towards the town (and into the hex) or turned around & drove away from the town & hex?

Why is JImmy's car parked by the roadside right next to the edge of the hex when she & Monica first meet outside WV? And its nose pointed away from the town, not towards the town? Because this has to be Jimmy's (rental) car, not some random abandoned vehicle. How & why did he get so close to the hex & parked his car there? And why is it pointed in the direction away from the town? What is up with the car on the roadside? (seems he was heading towards the twon, but turned around before hex & parked car right there?)

Who is the secret big cameo the cast has been teasing? Is it Paul Bettany AKA one of the best jokes (that he’s acting against himself... playing two roles at once...Hex Vision & White Vision...) Or is there an actual, different cameo happening besides this? Cause we know that Vision VS Vision is happening. Even if there is an actual cameo, I’m just gonna pretend he was talking about Vision Vs Vision, because this is the kind of cheeky british humour that I love. Cameo ideas: a character from one of her favourite sitcom steps from TV into reality DvD?, “Nick Fury”? RDJ as Tony?, Stan Lee? “Dr. Strange”? “Wolverine”? a big name actor as a character from comics...introduced to MCU? For me “Skywalker” level cameo indicates...not (just) a big name actor, but... lots of CGI, so...  ANSWERED in 1x09

THE QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN ANSWERED: 

Why Westview, NJ? No, its not because it’s relatively close to the Avengers “headquarters” (and the set of the Endgame battle) or relatively  close is it to the site where the military base was (where Cap & Tony went during time heist)...all in NJ? It’s because this was supposed to be their home. This is where Vision wanted them to settle down & grow old in. Also.. WestView = WV & wesTView = TV

Why sitcoms? Because sitcoms have been Wanda’s escape since childhood. She watched them in Sokovia with her parents & brother (family), she watched them in US/Avengers HQ (with her to-be-family, Vision). Her distraction from the horrorrs & sadness of reality. Also..because unlike in real world in the sitcom world people getting hurt (when something fall of them) don’t actually get hurt, because..it’s not that kid of a “world”....

Why different eras of sitcoms? Because...Vision wanted them to grow old together. Live a life together. She is literally living through the plan Vision had for them. Settle down in WestView, and live a “normal life” together... That’s why she did not remain stuck in her one favourite Dick can Dyke episode, but instead moved to the next decade...the next phase of their lives together: move to WV, build/buy a home together, get married, watch TV together, have kids, raise kids... go through ps & downs of marriage/relationship,...grow old together... [only her fantasy world started to crumble half-way through] Though...if we think about it... to their knowledge Wanda was human & Vision was a “machine”, so he would not age like she does, so he would have probably just “deactivated” himself after she died in a 100 years...

What made Wanda do this...even if unintentionally? Her greif...over her parents, her brother, Vision, & everyone else she’s lost... the “missing five years”: seeing Hayward dismantle Vision’s body... and seeing the aftermath of the Snap & Blip as she drove through this town. She seemed to see herself in the state of that town & those people...as she drove through WV and saw the future cast of her sitcom. The world for WV had been turned upside down, and in her grief she created the happy place for herself and the people she saw. Her intentions were good/not evil....she thought that this would cheer her & this town up. She “restored” WV to it’s pre-snap glory (the abandoned pool turns into nice one at Dottie’s backyard...), and gave everyone a purpose (job, tasks) or someone to be with. Sitcoms made her feel better, so she thought it’d happen for her & the others in this fake world, too. It was all unintentional & subconcoius, and as she keeps saying “she did not mean any harm”. Initially she didn’t even realize what she’d done, but slowly she has started to “wake up” & realize the situation (that’s why lately she’s thinking “what if I am the villain?” insted of trying to tell the “cast” that she meant no harm to anyone.) 

What does the heart on the calendar mean? Episode 8 told us the meaning of the heart. The calendar used to be the propery deed. And Vision had drawn a heart on it (to where their jome was gonna be) & added “to grown old in” - V. That’s why they say "Who needs to  abbreviate?” in ep 1. 

What was the noise all about in ep 2 that scared Wanda & Vision? Those were the drones that SWORD was sending into the hex. Those made the noise. And one of them (either a SWORD one, or Monica’s drone) made it to Wanda’s rosebushes. 

Where were Vision & Monica + Fietro during ep 8 events? They were on their way towards the center of the hex. Cause the whole “look into the past” took place...in mere seconds...just like a dream (seems like a whole day/film, but IRL almost no time goes by). The Monica + Fietro snooping & the Vision-flies back all happened at the same time as Wanda’s trip down to memory lane. They didn’t happen before, just simultaneously... They will arrive soon. [the question is: will Darcy also reach the town center & will she be able to help somehow]

Why were the films that were running in the Cinema in ep 6 “The Parent Trap” & “The Incredibles”? Because The Incredibles is an animation about a superhero family (mom, dad, kids), who fight the bad guys. And Parent Trap is about twins (Billy & Tommy, Wanda & Pietro). They were about Wanda’s life at the moment/time.  

Why were the films that were running in in the Cinema after Wanda’s hex took over the town “Big Red” & “Kidnapped”? Because, once again, they described the situation then. Wanda & her hex were the big red taking over...in a way “kidnapping” everyone and using them as puppets for the show based on her script. 

Was that really Agatha’s real/actual mother...as the “head witch”? Yes, cause she calls her mother & the actress is listed as Evanora Harkness. It’s not just a title for the leader wicth, but it’s her actual mother. 

What does the Nexus mean? It could be & probably has several meanings. As suggested, Wanda seems to be a Nexus Being (she is the same in all realities & has access to the whole multiverse...). Nexus of lal realities is in MCU (Thor: TDW) is the gateway to other dimensions. But also... Nexus Internet Hub (in Oso) is the  name of the place Tony goes to when looking for answers about Jarvis & Ultron (in AoU)

What were the commercial about? They were all references to the traumatic and/or important moments in Wandas life. Toaster = Stark bomb, Hydra Soap = Mind stone experiment, Lagos paper towels = Lagos incident, Nexus pills = Nexus Being. But each commercial has many layers, and each can also be connected to an infinity stone..in a way. And each has also other meanings. DETAILED EXPLANATION WILL BE ADDED HERE 

Why do the powers start to manifest, in big way, first a are 10? Happened with Wanda, happened with the Twins. Well, because Ten = X [in roman numerals] = X-gene. This ties into the marvel mythology about mutants & x-gene, and also, maybe, in a way roman = romani (cause while they did not copy that part of her origins story in MCU, maybe this was a nod to the SW origins? btw, I do not wants or need my tv/films to follow the original material, cause one can adapt the story to fit their own narrative. Otherwise... I’d never seen Lucy Liu as Watson, especially for comics, when things are “retconned” often...) 

Why does it never rain in WV? The weather report on TV in ep 6 said that it’s sunny all week, but we saw that on the outskirts of the town there were puddles on the road & Vision & Darcy drove through rain...so it actually does rain...there...just not at the center of the hex/town. And we’ve seen that the conditions are different inside & outside the hex: it can be daytime in the hex & nighttime outside the hex...at the same time. Perhaps it never rains also because the last day Wanda & Vision spent together in Scotland was a rainy one...

There’s more, but I got tired... and I didn’t post it on the weekend, but I dont want to delay the posting anymore, so posting it as it is...now...

THE END

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Peace | Damian Wayne

Pairing: Older!Damian Wayne x Female!Plus Size Reader

Characters: Damian Wayne, Reader, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain (mentioned), Bruce Wayne (mentioned), Alfred Pennyworth (mentioned)

Word Count: 7k

Request: i have this idea but im not a good writer so i want to request for you to do it: ps reader is dating tim and lately sex isnt great so he invites one of his brothers (the closest in age so probs damian) to have sex with her but she doesnt know and damian doesnt know she doesnt know and when he finds out hes embarrassed and all of that? fluffy ending with damian.

Warnings: angst, mentions of sex, suggestive themes, lying, mentions of hypothermia, brief talk about consent, self-doubt, fluff.

A/N: I got a little carried away with this... I hope you all like it, Damian is one of my favorite characters in general so it was great being able to write for him.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎

Cursing under your breath, you fixed your scarf as you waited to be received. The snow under your boots too out of ordinarily dense— Alfred always demanded the entrance to be free of snow. Upon making that observation you grew worried, the only occasions Alfred didn’t pay mind to those details where when an emergency was occurring and by the tone of the call you got minutes earlier, you couldn’t assume things were going.

They pulled the door open and left it that way so you’d walk yourself inside. Never a positive indication. You recognized the steps walking away from you like Jason’s, his presence in the manor so rare that you hurried in. Catching up with Jason was always hard, his strides were big and the fact that you were freezing didn’t help your situation at all.

Jason held the door to a sitting room open for you, looking at you with sympathy, bordering in pity; Tim had obviously told him you weren’t dating anymore. You thanked him, scanning the place to try to asses why had you been summoned. Swallowing your spit at the sight of Stephanie just beside Tim, you cleared your throat to not interrupt whatever they were doing.

You weren’t stupid, there was something between them. Although it hurt, you had nothing against either of them— it relieved you to know Tim had been honest and loyal throughout your relationship and if his happiness was with Steph, so be it.

Your ex-boyfriend pointed to one of the unoccupied cushioned armchairs, next to the one Jason had just sat on. You took your seat, your eyes dancing from Tim to Steph, to Jason. Tim sighed, “we need your help.” He sounded tired, more than usual, worried.

Nodding, you moved a hand to prompt him to explain what was going on. Tim looked down, Jason shifted beside you. “What’s wrong?” you asked, your nerves spiking up.

“Damian disappeared,” Tim explained. You turned to Jason, hoping he’d give you more telling, but he avoided looking at you.

“And how can I help? Is Bruce informed? And Dick?”

“Yes, he’s fine, but he doesn’t want to talk to us— not even with Alfred. He will talk to you.” Tim removed his hair from his forehead, sighing again— a sign you knew well, one of nervousness— “at least I hope.”

“So you know where he is?”

Tim nodded. Jason’s exasperated sigh didn’t go unnoticed by you. Before you could ask, the oldest of the two brothers spoke, “tell her, Tim.”

Tim picked his mug, mumbling something inaudible on the lip of it and taking a long gulp. You felt yourself starting to tense up, many occasions you had seen your ex-boyfriend do that and it always led to a clash.

He put the drink down on the table, “Remember the last time we had sex?”

How could you forget? You had assumed your relationship was getting better after a bad month. He had been so attentive that night, so passionate— his lips hadn’t left an inch of your body untouched, he had shown to have listened to what you had suggested weeks prior and blindfolded you, Tim had shown you a side of him you didn’t think to exist. He hadn’t been too extreme but he had definitely been rougher than ever, tying your hands and eating you out quite harshly even though he usually avoided giving you oral sex. Now you saw it as a passionate goodbye, it saddened you because it had been the best sexual experience you ever had but it was what it was.

“Yeah,” you rasped, uncomfortable by speaking about it in front of other people. “Why?”

“I– promise me you won’t get mad.”

Stephanie shook her head which made you realize you would definitely get mad. Scenarios crossed your mind, had he recorded you without your consent? Did he have an STD and didn’t tell you at the time? Did you have an STD you didn’t know about and passed it to him?

“What did you do?”

Tim licked his lips. “It wasn’t me. I should’ve told you, but I didn’t know how... it was Damian, I t—“

“You did what?!” you blurted a yell.

He lifted a hand to prevent you from interrupting so he could finish justifying himself. You shook your head, standing up. Your nerves were eating you alive, Damian Wayne had seen you naked and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it!

“Why the fuck did you do that, Timothy?”

He watched you, trying to find the words that would make you less mad. “I didn’t know what else to do! You were upset and... look, I knew Damian liked you so I told him you wanted to try new stuff.”

“You didn’t ask me...” you trailed off, feeling everyone staring at you. Embarrassment was an understatement, your ex-boyfriend was telling you he made his brother have sex with you without your consent and from what you gathered the entire family knew. Snatching your purse, you stormed off the room. You ignored their calls for you to get back in the same way Tim had ignored your opinions and wishes.

On the way to your apartment, you couldn’t help but wonder what else had he lied about, which things hadn’t been real. It was a nightmare, now doubting the best romantic memories you had to even be real. Everything reminded you about your relationship with Tim, the elevator where you had shared your first passionate kiss, that centerpiece on the coffee table he bought for you when he went out of the country for a business trip, the couch and how many times you cuddled there...

You didn’t wish to enter your bedroom even though it hadn’t been difficult to do it when he moved out. You had been so understanding, somewhat naive, you didn’t question him further on when he said the relationship wasn’t working. It hurt, but your consolation had been his honesty, one you now knew to have been false.

You laid down on the couch, facing the ceiling. What a way to spend a Friday evening, in anguish for an ex. Letting it affect you pissed you off, but you were human after all and he had betrayed your trust. As you continued to think about it, the situation turned worse.

From Tim’s family, you were the closest to Damian and Cass. Everyone was nice and kind, even Bruce whom you had found intimidating the first few times you interacted with, but Cass and Damian were special in their own peculiar ways. You had been told you were lucky to have met Damian as a grownup, he had even agreed although you were never given a proper explanation, and it had taken you a few tries to find things to have in common with Cassandra but when you got there your friendship with her became one of the highlights of your life.

Now you wouldn’t be able to look at your friends in the face. Maybe Cass wouldn’t judge you, but Damian had every right to do it. He had seen every inch of your body, touched it with both his hands and mouth, he had been inside you— and it had been the best night of your life.

Buzzing startled you, the vibration of your cellphone against the wooden table annoying you to no end. Extending your arm, you declined the call without looking at the screen. The device buzzed again, now in your hand; reading the caller’s name, you pondered on your options— you could turn the cellphone off and risk Dick breaking into your apartment or pick up. A hard decision, you didn’t want to talk about anything with anyone.

Deciding to get it over with, you picked up at the last ringing. “Hey, Dick.”

“(N/N)!” you could hear the relief in his voice, “Jay told me you left the manor very upset.”

“Yeah... what do you need?”

Dick exhaled very loudly, making you wince, “it’s Dami... he doesn’t want to talk with anyone. Jon tried, Alfred tried, Cass tried, I tried...”

“I can’t help you.” You didn’t feel ready to face him, you weren’t even sure you were ready to process what had happened. “Give him space, Dick, he needs it.”

“I’m worried. He never shuts himself off so drastically...”

Yeah, you knew. “I’ll text him.”

“He didn’t take his phone. But you know in which safe house he is.”

❖︎・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎

Crazy, you were fucking crazy for going out in the middle of the night. It was freezing outside, the fog from the cold and sleet making it harder for you to see in the dark. The Wayne family would be responsible for your death, you were sure, good thing Bruce was rich so he could at least pay for your funeral.

You fixed the hood of your jacket, sleet tapping against the material as you continued your walk. Your hands were numb, the gloves not really warming them up. Driving hadn’t been an option, it was too dangerous and your eyes were too tired from crying.

The streets got darker as you approached your destination, your harsh breathing getting louder. The smoke coming out of your mouth because of the cold was the only indicator of life around you, your steps having to be slower in order for you to not trip only another reminder that you could’ve been under your warm covers. You continued complaining, inwardly, with your nerves about to burst until you recognized the front of the property.

Punching the code at the gates had been harder than you anticipated, with your fingers nearly rigid. The front lawn was in perfect condition as it always did, but the lights were off. You walked up the front steps out of memory like Cass had taught you to do. Lifting your fist, you let it linger on the air for a few seconds, unsure.

It was the right thing to do, you were freezing and going back would mean definitely dying from hypothermia, and yet you weren’t ready. It terrified you more than being kidnapped which had always been so plausible in a city as dangerous as Gotham and with the acquaintances you had. Facing it meant closing a cycle, and closing the cycle would mean having to start again...

Resigned, you knocked twice, made a pause, then knocked twice again. You couldn’t hear any sound coming from inside, but that didn’t mean much. The door cracked open, an annoyed sigh greeting you as a green eye peeked from inside. Damian swung the door open and took you by the wrist, pulling you in with ease.

The entrance was locked as soon as you were inside, his fingers still around your wrist as with his other hand he made sure every lock was on.

“What were you thinking?” Damian snapped. “It’s freezing outside!”

You snatched your wrist off his grip, dying to get your backpack off your shoulders. “I was worried about you.”

“You could’ve died.”

“I couldn’t sleep! I was worried, Damian.” He hated when you repeated things, you shouldn’t have done it at that moment when he was so annoyed but you were annoyed too, and tired, and cold, and worried, and confused, and scared.

“I heard you the first time. Why didn’t you at least drive here?”

“You would’ve scolded me for driving under this weather.”

He took a proper look at you. Damian was good at reading you, your body language, the tone of your voice. There were four persons he knew like the back of his hand: Bruce, Talia, Dick, and you. “You’ve been crying...” it wasn’t a question, nor a prompt to explain yourself. He made the observation, tore his eyes away from you and stepped back.

You were sure he knew by now Tim had told you. There wasn’t any other reason why Damian would suddenly be so tense, not with you. You knew him very well yourself, not to the point he did with you but that came with the training you had never even imagined could exist. There were things, however, Damian didn’t pay attention to about himself that you did— his inclination toward sweet and savory desserts, for example, or the way he hid behind his clothes when anxious, the changes in his voice when in presence of an animal, how his eyes sparkled when he spoke about medicine.

“What did he say?”

“Who?”

“You know damn well who.”

Damian didn’t like losing time, you should’ve also remembered that. “Just what happened that night,” you mumbled, his jaw setting when you didn’t elaborate on it.

“Did you appear here to tell me you hate me?” he surprised you by asking.

You couldn’t help but frown, no matter how frustrating it could be to him. Damian would always tell you frowning didn’t suit you. “Why would I hate you? You didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know either,” he refuted. “That’s not how consent works.”

“I’m aware that’s not how consent works!”

“Then?” Damian pressed, standing perfectly straight. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why do you want me to hate you?!” you squealed. You could only imagine that it would be better for him if you hated him so the topic wasn’t touched upon ever again, but you could never hate Damian.

He lifted his arms in exasperation, “because I should’ve asked you at that moment! I shouldn’t have listened to Drake! I shouldn’t have let m—“ he stopped himself abruptly, right hand flying toward his forehead. He rubbed his face, huffing through his nose.

“What? You shouldn’t have let what?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me,” you encouraged him, “it can’t be worse than my ex-boyfriend implying to me in front of his new girlfriend that instead of straight-up telling me he didn’t want me anymore he convinced my close friend to fuck me.” Oh, wow. It sounded worse when you said it out loud— it didn’t even sound real, it couldn’t be, it shouldn’t.

Damian stood there, silently avoiding you. His eyes were solely focused on the wall in front of him, face neutral. How much time passed wasn’t relevant, you were too lost in thought to realize or care. He wouldn’t say anything, and you wouldn’t press on the subject anymore when you had been humiliated so badly. Going there was a mistake, worrying was a mistake, telling him anything had been a mistake. Just like he thought he should’ve done things differently, you were sure you shouldn’t have risked confrontation. Perhaps what annoyed you the most was that he seemed to want you away from him as you had predicted he would, and it hurt way more than what Tim had done.

You hunched down to pick up your backpack, dropping it again when he cleared his throat. “I didn’t require convincing.”

Believing to have understood his words wrong, you stared up at him through your lashes. Tim’s words came to you, ”I knew Damian liked you.” When he said it you had assumed he meant Damian liked you as a friend but not that Damian Wayne liked you. It didn’t sound bad, just highly unrealistic.

He didn’t repeat himself nor furthered his comment, he just stared back. The yellow tones in his green eyes got more prominent the longer you stared, looking like sunlight warming the prettiest forest you’d ever seen. You straightened your back as you shifted on your feet, not sure of what to say.

“Why didn’t you—“

“Say anything?” he interrupted you. You nodded. Damian shrugged, eyes again diverting from your face, “Drake always gets what I want, I wasn’t even surprised.”

You hated the way he said it, so upset his amalgamated accent turned thicker. You were at loss of words, you had never seen him that way— not because you didn’t think he was handsome but because he was Damian Wayne, your close friend, a guy way out of your league.

“I wish you had said something, but I understand.”

Damian lifted both eyebrows. “Would it have changed anything?”

“I don’t know,” you told him honestly. It was so easy to be truthful with him, so freeing.

“You looked happy.”

Tim understood many things without needing an explanation. His body was different from his friend’s and family’s so he never judged yours, he’d remind you there was nothing wrong with being the way you were so often that you had started to believe it. You could put up with the nights of worry and the fights that came with his carelessness because you felt loved and accepted and wanted to give him just that. Tim had been great up until that early afternoon.

And Tim wasn’t Damian. Tim didn’t have time to put up with your rants, he was a detective by day and vigilante by night. Tim couldn’t be there every time you needed company after a bad day, Tim in his sleep-deprived state forgot important dates and details. You had always admired the way Damian’s brain worked, how efficient he was, but you had never stopped to ask him how was he able to do that; it hadn’t even crossed your mind that he could be doing a sacrifice because he cared about you.

“I was.”

Silence filled the living room. Damian had his back against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest, your fingers brushed the strap of your backpack as you wiggled them to keep them from cramping. He had the ability to bend everything over his will, his mood could change yours in seconds, his stance stirred rooms. You felt the temperature dropping, not sure if it was physical or metaphorical, and wondered if it wouldn’t be better to leave.

You didn’t want to leave. Everyone would call you crazy, but Damian’s presence had always been comforting. His silence, his bluntness— you were scared of losing that, how clearer he made things when you were confused, how much you learned from him. Things would never go back to normal, your friend liked you for some reason and you didn’t know what to think about it, he had seen you naked without you even being aware, and it seemed like he hadn’t hated what he saw. But leaving was the best option. You were confused, overall scared, and Damian couldn’t be of comfort at that moment— he shouldn’t.

Zipping up your jacket, you let out a sigh. “Just go home, man. Your family is worried.”

His low hum caught your attention. Expecting him to say something else would’ve been losing your time, Damian wasn’t a fan of being told what to do. However, he snatched his coat from the hanger and slid it on. Damian took his car keys and wiggled them, wordlessly telling you he’d drive you.

You tried to protest, using the fact that it was past 7:00 AM already. Damian wasn’t having it, it was still cold outside. You were desperate to get home already, you needed time with yourself and the sooner you got it the better.

The silence between you two not being uncomfortable throughout the ride was astounding. It felt colder in the car than back at the safe house, probably because the sleet hadn’t ceased but mostly because you were on edge. He didn’t attempt to talk nor to do anything else then drive really, he looked calm as always, so collected it unnerved you. You considered for a moment that he had simply told you what he did out of pity then discarded the thought because Damian wasn’t like that.

In any other situation, you would’ve found curious how deeply you knew him, but it was starting to scare you. One thing was being aware of what your friend liked or disliked but not even self-sabotaging your thoughts because you knew them that well was in the highest level of knowledge about someone. It meant you thought about him more often than you had ever cared to admit, more than you had ever realized.

You had so much to ponder on, to worry about. How long would it take to close the cycle of your relationship with Tim when now you weren’t sure if it had been honest or not? Would your friendship with Damian be ruined by what happened plus his attraction toward you? Were you attracted to him?

In the apartment, the silence was different, deafening. The place felt bigger than it was, bigger than it had felt when you left in the middle of the night. Unfolding the blanket you always kept on the couch, you wrapped it around your body and curled up with your head on the arm of the furniture. You also turned the tv on, hoping the noise would help you get some sleep.

Nothing helped, your mind wasn’t letting you rest. It insisted on replaying Damian’s unwavering tone when he said he hadn’t needed convincing. You probably wouldn’t have needed convincing either if Tim had asked you to fuck his brother, but it felt... wrong. Saying you had internalized your attraction toward Damian to protect yourself was an understatement, the potential rejection was scary but it wasn’t in the top five of the things you feared in relation to him— and that only proved you actually liked him back.

Conflicted was putting it lightly. If someone would’ve asked you the morning before if you had feelings for Damian Wayne you would’ve laughed, now you couldn’t take the idea off your mind. Processing it all would require time, the comfort he gave you, the confidence, seemingly the pleasure— you were seeing him in another light, and the worst part of it was that you weren’t startled by it.

Finding natural to be attracted to someone you had never seen that way before wasn’t how you expected your week to start.

You assumed Damian had eventually gotten back to the manor, your phone hadn’t buzzed too much throughout the weekend apart from a few messages in your friend’s group text. A nice contrast with your mind which was reeling from Friday and your newfound passion.

Was it just passion? You didn’t know, you weren’t sure of wanting to. Damian had started to consume all your thoughts and feelings, your dreams too— the anger you had felt from finding out Tim hadn’t been the one to pleasure you that night had dissipated by the second morning you woke up soaking wet due to a dream. It obviously had more to do with your libido than with anything else, but the new perspective was better.

Seeing it that way made you feel dirty. If you closed your eyes and let your mind wander back to that night you now could see Damian hovering over you, the greenest eyes you had ever seen staring into your soul with dilated pupils— you could picture the smirk you had felt against your skin as he nipped on your thigh. He was driving you crazy without knowing it, but him knowing terrified you.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎ ・・・・・❖︎

Taking alone time for yourself was the best decision you could’ve taken. You didn’t find all the answers nor closure regarding Tim and you felt really lonely, but you decided to focus on what you could— it gave you perspective, about Damian, about your interpersonal relationships in general, what you wanted, what you enjoyed.

Damian hadn’t contacted you. It would’ve bothered you if you weren’t so familiar with him. He wouldn’t call until you showed signs of wanting to talk, he was too busy to beg— and even if he wasn’t, Damian Wayne never begged.

When ready, you texted your group chat with Damian and Cass as nothing had happened. Both texted you individually about very different topics as they always did, it was something you thoroughly enjoyed about them.

Damian’s answers were quicker than usual, yours shorter. You didn’t want things to be awkward between you two, but you didn’t really know what to say; or if you should say anything about what had happened.

What if not speaking about it was for the best? You liked him, the realization of it scared you to no end, and he liked you back. He fucking liked you back, why or how only he knew, but the fact that he did felt good yet it mingled with guilt. He was Tim’s brother, and although your ex-boyfriend hadn’t had consideration toward you, you felt bad.

Damian took over your thoughts, as you did house chores, as you worked, as you went out with your other friends... now you missed him in a way you had never missed anyone. His annoyed sighs, his tutting, his interesting topics of conversation, how funny he could get to be, his handsome face, his silky voice...

And so you texted him, asking if he was busy. He didn’t reply, at least not in the next five minutes. You turned the device off, not wanting to continue hopefully staring at it. Some would say it was childish, but you genuinely weren’t in the headspace to be rejected.

Pounding on the front door took you out of the tv show you were watching. Untangling yourself from the fuzzy blanket, you dragged your feet against the floor.

Damian slid past you as soon as you swung the door open, his steps more silent than ever as he analyzed the living room. His eyes stopped on the pile of folded clothes next to the couch for a prolonged moment before he continued what he had been doing.

You locked the door, estranged by his actions. “Are you looking for something?” you asked, the crack of your voice caused by how little you had used it that day making you wince, he’d surely realize.

He glared at you from behind the arch of the kitchen. “I thought you were in danger.” Before you could say something, he spoke again, “what happened to your phone?”

“Nothing.” You picked the cellphone from the center table and turned it on to show him.

Damian inhaled deeply, clearly keeping himself from snapping at you. He walked back to the living room, shaking his head once or twice while mumbling something in Arabic, and leaning against the wall just next to the window from where he could take a peek of the mostly white snowy street.

You went through your phone to avoid the tension between you two. The second worst idea you had that day, the first being texting him. You had multiple texts from him, a few from Dick, missing calls from the entire family. In your attempts to not get your heart broken you didn’t stop to think how it would seem to Damian if you suddenly stopped responding after asking if he was busy.

“Why are your clothes in the living room?” his inquiry bounced against the window glass.

You stayed quiet, he’d surely get the hint you didn’t want to talk about that.

He did get the hint, he also ignored it. The least you could do, in his mind, was answer his questions after worrying so bad. “(Y/N)?”

Lying to Damian was so hard you didn’t even try it. “I’m not using my closet anymore,” you explained, looking for the remote to turn the TV off in order to have an excuse to not look at him.

In contrast, he focused on you. You were now folding the blanket to keep your hands busy, fixing the pillows on the couch so it would look in the same fashion it always did.

“You’re not sleeping in your room.” Damian wasn’t sure if it came off as a question or an observation but it was the latter.

You shook your head, inwardly, and uselessly, begging he’d drop the topic at that. You were ashamed to accept what happened was affecting you, and even more ashamed by the fact that it was affecting you in ways you never expected. His silence was worse than being alone, there he was with his arms crossed once again, jaw clenched, and attention out of the window. You considered turning the TV back on just to feel less uncomfortable, less exposed.

Connecting the dots wouldn’t be hard for anyone aware of the situation. You should’ve said something, explain it didn’t have to do with him— not negatively at least— but you were too nervous, almost on edge which was getting too frequent for your liking.

Willing him to say something, you focused on him as if the intensity of your gaze would make a difference. He was already watching you like a hawk, analyzing every twitch. Damian uncrossed his arms, his palms slapping against his thighs as he pushed himself off the wall. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you assured him. Masking how surprised you were by his apology had been hard, probably pointless when he knew you so well.

“It’s no excuse.”

“Damian, please.” Your voice got smaller, the last word coming as a mere whisper. Speaking about it terrified you, he was right and you wished it wasn’t the case— you had tried to ignore the fact that he hadn’t given you his consent either and you didn’t have a way to know if he had enjoyed himself. The longer you thought about it, the dirtier you felt.

You were angry at yourself for not having known better, at Tim for not being honest... but you weren’t mad at Damian. Should you have been when he was almost as unaware as you? Wanting to be sure, to at least have some closure, you asked, “when did he tell you the truth?”

“The night before he told you.”

“Why do you feel so bad about it, then?”

He sighed shakily, dropping his head forward. He hoped that if he stared long enough the floor would open and swallow him, it would be way better than having you hear the truth. “I can’t stop thinking about it,” he explained, eyes on the same spot they had been for the past couple of minutes. He heard your breath hitching, the swallow of your spit. Damian braced himself to be slapped when he heard the thud of the blanket being dropped on the cushioned arm of the couch.

“I’m sorry about that.”

“What?” Damian’s gaze snapped upward, completely lost as to why you could be apologizing.

You clarified what you meant, “I’m sorry you had to see... me.”

“You idiot! I don’t mean it in a bad way.” Damian hated how insecure you could be, he knew it to be natural in an environment where people believe their personal standards to be the norm but it was horrible to see. He had tried his best to make you understand there was nothing shameful about your body but it seemed like he had failed. “It’s not...” he groaned, straightening his posture. There went nothing. “I feel guilty because I get turned on thinking about it.”

Oh. Well, at least you weren’t the only one who thought about it constantly. The days consequent to that night hadn’t been easy, the break up had come too soon and the only thing you had as consolation was that night. The fact that you had touched yourself while thinking about Damian without knowing was weird, it felt intrusive and at the same time thrilling— adding it to the fact that then you had wet dreams about it wasn’t a good look. Or yes, who knew at that point? Surely not you.

“For what it’s worth, me too.” Your face was burning up as the words left your lips. Your sex life wasn’t something you talked about with Damian, and when you did it with Cass you spared her the details because she didn’t like hearing about Tim in that way.

“But you didn’t know it was me,” he reminded you, and himself.

You made a face, “I don’t really care that much... it sounds bad but I don’t. It was my first orgasm in months.”

Damian stepped closer, naturally towering over you. You gazed up, trying to make sense as to what he was doing. “Am I reading this wrong?” he inquired in a whisper, fingers flexing to stop himself from touching you.

“No.”

He cupped your face with a hand, his freezing cold fingers making you shudder. He leaned in slowly, leisurely, his breath hit your skin and his nose brushed yours but he still didn’t kiss you— not yet. Arm snaking around your waist, he licked his lips. You couldn’t take it anymore and closed the gap, moving your lips against his as your hands rested firmly on his shoulders to not lose balance.

Kissing Damian was an experience, there wasn’t any other way to call it. He wasn’t in a hurry, his tongue had just tickled your mouth open but he hadn’t made a move to deepen the kiss. The heat from his body didn’t feel human, it transferred to your insides— it made butterflies swarm around in your stomach. For someone who hadn’t known they were attracted to their closest friend, your body was reacting as if you had been longing for that moment your entire life. You felt like floating, with his arms around your waist and neck respectively and his tongue tickling yours.

You didn’t want to part from him, oxygen was getting scarce and you found yourself thinking you’d rather die than stop kissing him. He found a good middle ground, recovering his breath with his right cheek against your left one. Inhaling your perfume in the process, he tightened his arms to have your body completely flush on his.

You moved your head to face him, finding the most peaceful semblance you had ever seen on him. Damian waited for your move, or your words, his eyes dancing all over your face. He had never had you so close, not properly, he hadn’t thought it would be possible to find more details to like about you but there he was, in awe of your beauty.

Tentatively, you kissed him again. He kissed back immediately, this once around not taking his time at all. You whined on his mouth, making him grunt. You caressed his thick hair, fingers burying between the dark locks as you pulled him impossibly closer. Damian pushed your body backward, your calves hitting the edge of the couch as he sucked your bottom lip between his.

You brought him down with you, his first reaction being to place his open palm on the back of your head so you wouldn’t hurt yourself as you tried not to giggle. He huffed a laugh himself, pecking your lips before dragging his own down to your jaw.

As he kissed your neck, he asked, “what do you want, Amira?”

Your attempts of getting out of bed failed the next morning, Damian pulled you closer as soon as he felt you move. You didn’t have any other option than placing your head on his hard chest, your index finger mindlessly tracing patterns against his dark olive skin. The tips of his fingers ghosted your back up and down, his steady breathing threatening to lull you back to sleep.

“I have to go to work.”

He hummed in answer yet gave no signal of wanting to let you go. If it was up to you, you would stay there with him for the entire day, in the little bubble you two had created the night before and would probably burst once you had to talk about it.

It didn’t feel like a mistake which should have surprised you, actually, you couldn’t think about a better decision you had taken in your life. Dramatic, sure, but no less true.

“Just call in sick,” he grumbled, properly tucking both your bodies into the covers. You could feel the ripple of his muscles as he did it, with just one hand as with his other arm he kept you in place.

You huffed a laugh, “I’ve only called in sick once.”

“An even stronger reason to do it now.”

“Don’t you have to go to work too?”

Damian snorted, moving his head to stare at you. You did the same when you heard and felt him shuffle. “Will you stay if I say no?”

As much as you dreaded the idea of leaving for work and not seeing his handsome face, you also dreaded the idea of having to see him go.

Damian seemed to have read your mind and interpret your silence, he brushed your cold cheek with his knuckles. His steady breathing quickened a little bit, you wouldn’t have been aware of it if your head hadn’t been resting on him. “Will you avoid me again if I let you get up?”

You shuffled just enough to face him, both your hands flat on his chest. “It wasn’t personal against you.”

“It felt like it.”

“I needed time, that’s all.”

“For what?”

You took a sharp intake of air, swallowing your excess of saliva as you exhaled. “Think, meditate... however you want to call it.”

“Is that why you don’t want to use your bedroom?”

“We’re literally in my bedroom.”

He rolled his eyes, “that doesn’t mean you want to use it.”

You stared down at your hands, the natural light of the morning making Damian’s skin glow under them. “It’s strange.”

“Why?”

“I think—“ you stopped for a moment to consider your phrasing, there wasn’t any other way of saying it and getting the point across than being direct. “At first it was because of what happened that night.” You felt him tense up, your fingers immediately rubbing circles over his skin in attempts of soothing him. “But then, after I tried to convince you to go back to the manor... it just doesn’t feel the same knowing things between us won’t be like they were before because it something that happened here.” You could’ve had articulated it better, but you didn’t want to mention Tim.

“Do you want that?” Upon seeing the confusion in your face he reformulated the question, “do you want us to be like we were before?”

”You don’t?”

He shook his head in answer. “Why would I?”

“Because I’m your best friend?”

“That’s Jon.”

You lifted your fingers to playfully slap them against his chest, “don’t be sassy with me.”

“I don’t like you the way I tolerate him.”

”isn’t it weird?” you mumbled the question.

Damian pursed his lips, looking up in thought. You took your time to stare at him some more, your fingers itching to trace his facial structure. “Because of Drake?”

“Your entire family,” you clarified, wishing you could avoid the topic altogether.

“I honestly don’t care.” You only hummed. His eyelashes fluttered as he dropped his gaze, his hand back to caressing your face. “What do you think?”

“I think,” you said through a sigh, “that I’m calling in sick.”

He smirked, withdrawing his arms to allow you movement. You shivered due to the change of temperature as soon as your legs swung from the bed, a pair of panties and a t-shirt were the only clothing covering you; you hadn’t really needed more than that and the duvet to sleep warmly, Damian’s body was extremely hot— literally, in both aesthetics and temperature.

Damian granted himself the pleasure of staring at your body as you stood just in front of him while making the phone call, the bouncing of your left leg, the slight tilt of your head, your shifty eyes while listening to whatever your interlocutor was saying. The longer he stared the stronger the urge of pulling you back into bed got. The phone call hadn’t even been lengthy, he was being a brat, but it wasn’t as if he cared.

He sat up near the edge of the bed, his feet flat on the floor without any effort thanks to his height. You thanked your boss, your eyebrows furrowing when you realized Damian had changed positions. Your eyes diverted down to his torso at the same time the line clicked.

Putting your cellphone down on the bedside table, you asked, “do you want something for breakfast?”

He opened his legs for you to stand between them, hands ready to be placed on your sides the second you complied. Out of instinct, you wrapped your arms around his neck, his hot breath giving you goosebumps as it hit your neck.

Lightly brushing your face as he ever so slightly turned his, he spoke with his lips against your jaw, “Are you on the menu?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe, then.”

Damian ignored the way you rolled your eyes and continued trailing kisses over your jaw and chin. You gripped his hair so he’d face you, leaning down to kiss him when he did so. His arms snaked your hips as he kissed back, opening his mouth a little bit more than you which gave you some type of advantage.

“I really like you,” you finally said out loud, mouth still hovering over his.

You felt him smile. It prompted you to put some distance between your faces in order to take the sight in. He didn’t smile often, you weren’t sure as to why but you had theories— that didn’t matter, what did was that he had gifted you an honest smile, one that showed his dimples and brightened his eyes.

The urge to cup his face overcame you, your hands slowly slid toward his jaw and as they abandoned his hair— Damian nuzzled against your left one. Your thumbs caressed his cheek softly, his inhaling and exhaling making the small hairs on your arms stand up and fall down at the rhythm of his breathing.

You hadn’t felt so much peace in a long time, it might have been the pride flowing through you at the fact that he wasn’t very open with people— much less when it came to emotions— but you let yourself entertain the idea that the real reason behind it was how easy it had always been to be yourself around him.

It only hit you when he locked his eyes with yours that you were making him feel the same way. No amount of self-sabotaging or teasing from his family could take that away from you.

[kirishwima]

Mystic Messenger crew helping comfort MC after the loss of their older sister? MC was really close to their sister, even though their sister was six years older than them, and considered them their best friend. Thank you so much for considering! ;w;

ouch...this really hits close to home bc i also have a sister 6 years older than me, and we’re very close friends, i can’t imagine how horrible the loss of such a loved one must be. i hope you’re not experiencing anything like that, and if you do then im greatly sorry for your loss 

i hope these headcanons could cheer you up a little!

YOOSUNG:

*Even though he also has a sister, he doesn't really have the bond MC and their sister do-he loves her, definitely, but they're not nearly as close.

* He does however know what it’s like to lose a family member you hold so dear to you-he did lose Rika after all, and the pain of that loss is something he doesn’t think he can ever completely get over

* He was actually very eager to meet MC’s sister, as he constantly heard stories of her shenanigans with MC

* Only he never gets the chance to

* The news of their sister passing leaves MC devastated, and he finds them after coming home from work sitting on the couch crying, their head hidden in their palms

* He’s immediatly besides MC, cradling them in his arms as he comforts them

* When he finds out what happened, he’s just as shocked and upset, knowing how much their sister meant to them-

* He’s at a loss of words, because what can one say at a tragedy like this? 

* What he does say however, is what he knows to be the truth, what MC’s sister would probably want them to know as well.

* “MC, my love, please, please don’t cry. What happened it’s horrible, it really is, but your sister loved you so much, she’d hate the thought of you crying like this. Let’s try and keep the happier memories of her alive, for both your and her sake, okay?”

* He’s there for MC through it all-the funeral, the grieving process, the sleepless nights, everything

* He simply wants to see the one he loves happy again, no matter what it takes.

ZEN:

* He has an older brother he was close to, but even so he can’t imagine the pain MC must be going through-he was never as close to his brother as MC was to their sister.

* He’d heard stories about their childhood, had even met MC’s sister and saw how close the two were, a bond even thicker than blood-they chose to be as good friends as they were, and it warmed Zen’s heart to see his beloved SO this happy.

* The news of her passing saddened him a lot as well, but he kept his composure as much as possible, tried to keep his voice steady and his embrace around MC firm as he comforted them

* He’d drop everything going on in his job to accompany MC to the funeral and stay home with them as long as they needed to recover even a little

* He’ll stay up late with them on the roof, sharing a drink and even an occasional cigarette if it’ll help take the edge off, but only within limits-he’d never allow MC to develop bad habits because of their grief, knowing this is the last thing their sister would want, and the last thing he’d want for his love as well.

* Instead, if MC’s comfortable with it, he’ll urge them to tell him happy stories from their childhood, things that can help MC remember the good times they shared with their sister and keep them close to their heart

* He’ll be there for MC through thick and thin, and will help threm through their grief as long as it takes

JUMIN:

* To Jumin, family is everything. Familial bonds are thicker than any other, he believes, and is happy to see MC is just as close with their family too.

* He’s also an only child and hasn’t had the chance to experience what having siblings is like, but if it’s anything like the bond MC shares with their sister, than he knows he certaintly missed out on a lot of experiences.

* When he hears about the passing of MC’s sister, he’s shocked and upset, but is quick to regain his composure and rush to MC’s side-he can’t begin to imagine the pain they must be feeling

* He cancels everything to stay with MC, hold them through it all and provide words of comfort

* He’s very unsure of what to do, and will have to ask MC what he can do to help-just say the word and this man will do it, he’ll move the moon and stars if MC so much as asks him to

* He’ll hold them close to his chest and rub circles on their back as they cry, will bury his nose on the crown of their head and kiss them, promising to be there for them through it all

* He won’t pressure MC to talk about it if they don’t want to-he’ll simply sit with them in silence, allowing them to process their emotions and discuss them if and when they’re ready to.

* He’s not going anywhere.

JAEHEE:

* She’s experienced so much loss in her life, and knows exactly what it’s like to lose a family member, especially one so close to you.

* When she hears of MC’s sister’s passing, she can’t say she’s certain what to do-she knows that grief and the pain of it are different for everyone, and while she can’t empathise, it doesn’t mean she can be certain what MC is feeling right then

* She will however subtly show her support-she’ll hold MC when they cry, will wipe away their tears and brew warm tea for them as she sits by their side quietly

* If MC needs a distraction, she’ll put on a musical for them to watch, or will even sing for them, her voice soft and shaky but her grip on MC’s hand firm, showing her support through their interlocked fingers

* She’ll be there for MC through it all, and will be the pillar they need during this time.

SEVEN:

* Saeyoung is also an old friend with loss and grief-he’s been through it time and time again, so much so that he’s afraid he’s become desensitised to it, especially considering his field of work

* That doesn’t mean however that he doesn’t understand why MC is as upset and grief-stricken as they are when they learn of their sister’s passing-of course he understands, and it pains him so much to see his beloved in such a predicament

* He’s honestly unsure of how to comfort them-he doesn’t want to tell them empty reassurances, doesn’t want to hurt them further by accident

* Instead he’ll hold them in a tight embrace, run his hands through their hair and let them cry on his shoulder

* He’ll be quiet, oddly enough so for him, his joking persona left aside for now as he lets MC process their emotions

* If MC wants, he’ll distract them with memes and crappy films, or will take them for drives with his cars, taking them to isolated destinations in forests or by lakes where he’ll lay on the hood of the car with MC, their head laying on his chest as they talk about everything and anything

* If MC would prefer he talks instead so they can distract their mind from their thoughts, he’ll tell them stories of his and Saeran’s childhood-he’ll try to skim through his memories and look for good, fun moments he can share, ones that can bring a smile to both their lips

* He might be uncertain of how to help, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do his best to see MC’s bright smile once more

V/JIHYUN:

* He’s also well-acquainted with grief and pain, from the loss of his mother, to the loss of Rika and so on and so forth

* He’s devastated to see MC’s tear-striken face, and is shocked to hear the news-he’s heard such wonderful things about MC’s sister, and was so glad MC had such a loved family member

* He’ll hold them through it all, his hand interlocked with MC’s throughout the funeral, will stay up late with them and hold them in his arms as they talk

* Even if MC isn’t religious, he’ll take them with him to church, at a time he knows it’ll be as empty as can be-not to pray, not necessarily, but to find some solace in the quietness, allow them to process their thoughts and feelings and let their emotions out in a place where no one is allowed to judge them

* If MC asks him to, he’ll share his own experiences with grief-how he handled his mother’s passing, how people around him reacted, and so on. It’s bittersweet, to be talking about his mother again after so long, but he knows it’s a wound that’s healed-it’s left a scar, of course it has, but it’s as healed as a wound can be, and one that’s okay to poke at, especially if it’s something that could help MC process their own grief.

* He’s not a man of many words, but what he says he means. And when he kisses MC and promises them that everything will be okay, he meant is. Maybe not perfect, not back to how they used to be-no one can return to the past, no matter how much they wish to after all. So things might not be great. But they’ll be okay. And he’ll be there with them until it does.

I hope this was okay!

-send me headcanons/scenarios for mystic messenger characters to react to!-

[turtle-steverogers]

I can’t write for shit but I know you are really talented ,so what about an angst about Spot going to war and he doesn’t make it back and Race and their 1 year old son go to visit his grave and talk to him? Idk you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but I thought it was a really cool idea

hi! so this is a pretty on brand prompt (especially for a certain upcoming Thing, but...,,.,) but anyway yeah here’s a fic. hope i did your idea some justice!

warnings: lots of talk of death, but nothing graphic.  my shitty, caffeine muddled writing (truly, not my best work, sorry)

ship: sprace

word count: 1529

editing: nein

Just Out of Reach

“Aye, Sergeant, need some water up there?”

“Yeah, thanks man.”

A water bottle is passed up to Spot, and he takes it, taking one hand off the M2 machine gun that’s deadbolted down in front of him and using his teeth to unscrew the cap.  He hadn’t realized how goddamn thirsty he’d been, but it’s fairly easy and not at all uncommon to lose touch with yourself during the methodical cycle of a mission.  

Really, it’s just reconnaissance.  Mapping out the desolate land that surrounds base- cataloguing the unknowns and the possible threats.  It’s the simple stuff.  The required bits that make the more strategic missions possible.  But they still take long as hell and Spot’s willing to bet that he’s sweat through his fatigues by now as he bakes in the desert sun.  His helmet is scratchy and the army-issued goggles are digging into his skull, squeezing his brain and making his head throb.  The water helps a bit.

His vehicle is at the front of the convoy, and somehow, he found himself perched in the turret, calculating gaze scanning around for anything amiss.  They near an Iraqi village, vacated looking buildings lining either side of the sandy, dirt road.

Spot thinks he sees a few windows shutter closed and when he looks to his left, there’s a little girl (she can’t be more than five.  Christ)  sitting on her stoop, knees pulled up to her chest.  She’s staring at the convoy, eyes wide and fearful and fingers plugged into her ears.  Spot feels a pang of...of something.  Guilt, maybe.  Sympathy.

Really, none of these people asked for this.  They never wanted big, scary men in big, scary vehicles shouting out foreign remarks and invading their space- their homes.  

Spot forces his gaze back to the front, willing himself to focus back on the task at hand.  But he can’t help his mind wandering back to that little girl.  There was something about her.  The innocence, maybe.  The simplistic look of discernable fear in the face of something scary.

He thinks of Teddy.

His son’s own wide, brown eyes and chubby, five year old cheeks.  Really, they’re not so different- that girl and Teddy.  They’re lives are so drastically diverse from one another, but they share that same, innate naivete.  The all prevailing look of curiosity that only kids can convey.

Spot misses Teddy.

Granted, he always misses him and Race.  The feeling isn’t mutually exclusive to any one moment, but sometimes the ache will grow into more of a pain, gripping his chest with longing to kiss his husband and hug his son.  Maybe dig his fingers into Teddy’s sides as he picks him up and swings him, planting an exaggerated kiss on his cheek.  It’s a foolproof way to make him laugh.  And if Race is there, he’ll laugh too.  There are some things in life he can count on to be constant, and his family is one of them.

He comes back to himself as he nears a stoplight and suddenly, something in the world seems wrong.  He’s just about to secure himself around the gun when there’s a shout from down below and then the humvee is jerkily rolling to a stop and that’s when Spot sees the wire and that can only mean someone’s going to die if they don’t fucking stop right fucking now and--

Nothing.

-

“Papa, can we go see Daddy today?”

Race freezes halfway through screwing the cap off a carton of milk.  He turns to look at his son and finds him staring at him in all his six and a half year old glory.  His hair is a mess of bedhead and sleep and even though Race had gotten him up and dressed in a decent amount of time for a Saturday, he still looks rumpled.  But that’s just how kids are, Race guesses.

It had been a year since Race’s life took a tumble into the realm of his worst nightmare.  A year since Lieutenant Kelly and Sergeant Jacobs had shown up on his doorstep, clad in Army Service Uniforms and wearing twin, somber looks. 

It hadn’t taken long for Race to piece together why they were there.

That day was still hazy, a jumbled mix of numb shock and things like, “we regret to inform you” and “killed in action” and then there was Teddy pulling at his pant leg and asking him with those wide goddamn eyes why “guys dressed like Daddy” were there and Race didn’t know how to tell him that Daddy’s gone, because how the hell do you explain that to a five year old and he wasn’t equipped to deal with something like this and he still isn’t and-

Yeah.  A nightmare.

Race still isn’t sure if Teddy knows exactly what happened.  He seems to understand that Spot is gone and that fundamentally, he isn’t coming back, but he doesn’t think Teddy understands death yet.  The finality of it- the weight behind the concept.  

It was inexplicably haunting to see Teddy not crying at Spot’s funeral.  Race was crying.  Hell, Race was a mess.  It was so bad that Albert had to take over his eulogy and Jojo had to watch Teddy for a few minutes while he lost his shit in the bathroom.

But Teddy hadn’t cried.  He’d just clung to Race with a tight grip and wide, bewildered eyes, not saying a word.  

“Sure, bud,” Race says, shaking himself and pouring the milk into Teddy’s bowl of Lucky Charms, “we can go see Daddy.”

He takes Teddy along to Spot’s grave fairly often, but he never really knows how much of it he processes.  Like at the funeral, he’s always quiet and subdued when they go, never really saying anything.  Just sitting in Race’s lap, head bent into the crook of his neck as he stares at the headstone.  

“Yay!” Teddy bounces a little in his seat, grinning as Race sets his breakfast in front of him, “I want to tell him about my dance recital!”

Something in Race’s chest cracks open, making him feel simultaneously warm and cold and entirely overwhelmed. 

On their way to the cemetery later, they pass a man selling custom bouquets on the street.  Brilliant mixes of orchids and roses, gardenias and anemones, bleeding color into the cold grey of winter, and when Teddy sees them and turns that pleading look on Race, well, who is he to say no?

-

“Hi, Daddy!”

For once, Race stays a little off to the side, watching his son sit cross legged in front of Spot’s grave.  He’s talking, words spilling out at about a mile a minute, but Race tunes them out.  This is their private moment and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that.  

“I kinda wish you coulda seen it, but…” Teddy shrugs, mouth grimacing in a way that’s so strikingly Spot that Race has to close his eyes for a moment, “That’s okay.  I know you woulda come if you coulda.”

And, well, ouch.

“Anyway, I brought my scarf for you, Daddy,” Race opens his eyes to see Teddy carefully wrapping his little Thomas the Tank Engine scarf around the headstone, just over where he’d placed the flowers they picked up earlier, “‘Cause it’s getting cold and Papa always tells me that scarves help make you super warm.”

Race has to bite his lip to keep from crying or doing something stupid to ruin his son’s moment and, like, breakdown in front of him.

“Anyway, I’ll let you talk to Papa now, ‘cause I know he always likes to talk to you a little,” He smacks a kiss onto his palm and presses it to Spot’s engraved name, “Bye bye, Daddy, I love you.”

When he turns to look at Race, he’s smiling.  It’s big and unyielding and Race fucking melts, because this is all he really wants.  Sure, when Teddy gets older, Spot’s absence will ring loud and daunting, but hell, if he can have any ounce of peace with it then, well, Race...Race is fucking ecstatic.  He can handle this. 

“Your turn, Papa!” Teddy says, beckoning Race to sit down and climbing into his lap when he does.

“Thanks, little man,” Race hugs Teddy close, “Did you have a good time talking to Daddy?”

“Uh huh,” Teddy says, squirming a little in Race’s tight hold, “I know he was listening super good, I could feel it.”

Race swallows, “Oh yeah?” Teddy nods, “I’m super glad, Teds.”

And maybe, really, that’s what this is about.  Spot’s death was a curveball thrown with the wrong hand, jarring a perceived reality and shifting everything Race had known a little too far to the left.  And no, it isn’t okay.  Maybe it’ll never be okay, but it doesn’t have to be.  Spot’s still there, lingering somewhere in their hearts and made real by his memory- their memories of him.  He’s still palpable, still reachable, and if Teddy can feel it, maybe Race can too.

Race takes a breath, fortifying and fond, then smiles.  It doesn’t feel so strained and Race feels just that much lighter when he clears his throat.

“Hey, Spottie…”

-

it wasn’t very good don’t clown me please my brain said ‘sorry bud’ today

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[lethe-rpg]

As any other young girl, Jingyi Sorla thought she knew what love was. It was what she saw whenever she looked at her parents. They always put each other’s priorities before and above of their own well-being. It was sacrifice, when they would take turns entertaining their own daughter when she didn’t feel like sleeping, and in doing so, losing valuable sleep themselves. Love was when her father would lend his jacket because her mother was cold. It was when her mother would share her ice cream because Jingyi dropped hers in carelessness. It was the nurturing of her mother when Jingyi’s father was sick, it was the protectiveness of her father would stand in front his family when those who didn’t approve of interracial couples approached. Love was something beyond definitions, beyond actions. All of those things were what love felt like, because it’s something that could not be define, it could not be explained. Love is what Jin thought she had with Elyas Megat. Maybe it was love. They did everything lovers do. They gave each other small, unexpected items. They would cuddle and show positive interest in each other’s hobbies. When they kissed, it was as if it were the last time they would ever see each other. But now she’s bitter, and the memories she has of Elyas leaves a cursed taste on her tongue.

When Elyas proposed, Jin thought she was never going to be able to surpass the happiness she felt in that moment. She was willing and ready to spend the rest of her life with this man. Ready to support him and love him and cherish him like a good wife should do. She had no aspirations for herself. Elyas was advancing in his career and Jin stayed home, where she would cook and clean and keep the house as tidy as possible for when Elyas has coworkers over. He was a prestigious detective, he had people he needed to impress. Her whole world revolved around this man, and she was entirely alright with that, because he loved her back, and that’s all she needed from him. January of 1885 was everything shifted. When Jinny had felt the most lost she has ever felt. A heaviness that she didn’t know how to deal with. Elyas had been pulling away for weeks. Work stuff. A string of murders. Jin didn’t like talking about such things, so Elyas would keep his cases surface level. Maybe, she should have paid more attention to whatever he was caring with him. Maybe then, he wouldn’t have left her. After the night of intimacy and nothing but his side of the bed cold and despondent, Jin didn’t know what to do with herself. There was a strange feeling in the back of her mind that something was wrong, but she ignored it. Elyas would never hurt her. Like a good partner, Jin tended to their home and kept to her responsibilities within the house. When Elyas didn’t come home that night, she began to worry. She went to his coworkers, sick to her stomach. They told her Elyas never showed up. Weeks passed before Jin finally came to terms with the fact that her fiancé had left her. No note, no warning. The would-be housewife was left alone in the world.

Days, weeks, months passed. Time passed and passed and passed. Things changed, Jin changed. For one, she was pregnant. Two, in her loneliness, Jinny found she was particularly good at baking and cooking. She always received compliments from Elyas and his coworkers when they were over for dinner, but she thought they were only being kind. She even got a job as a secretary at a local office just up the street from her apartment. Her boss, Mr. Benford and his wife were very nice people who owned an insurance company, and often had Jin over for dinner where she didn’t have to cook, but always brought something over out of consideration. The woman was finding things out about herself that she never saw before. Things she probably wouldn’t have noticed if Elyas was still around. For the first time ever, Jinny was finding her own way and finding out who she was becoming without anyone at her side to keep her afloat. She was doing that all by herself. Jin was liking who she was becoming. And then, she died. Jinny was thirty-three. It happened on a hospital bed, giving birth to a healthy baby girl. What should have been her last words was a name. Her daughter’s name. Zinaida. And she slipped away, lightheaded and silently cursing God who constantly took away what she loved. Jin was so in love with this baby girl before she was born, and she never got the chance to hold her. Jin had felt happiness again when she caught a glimpse of her child. What a shame. Although, another real shame is waking up in your own coffin three days later and having to crawl through six feet of dirt and worms in order to get to the surface and ruining one of your favourite dresses in the process.

The first thing Jinny thought about was her baby. Three days old and motherless. She couldn’t go to the hospital, of course. Too many people had seen her face and knowing she had died, well, it was something she wasn’t able to wrap her mind around at the moment, so she went to the only place she could think of where her daughter would be, and that was the local orphanage. Jin has to sneak in, which wasn’t very difficult since the owner of the establishment was a drunk and asleep at the desk. With swift steps and protective arms, Jinny took back her child and went back to her old home. It was just hours later that the new mother found out that she was unable to care for her daughter like she thought she would have been able to. Not physically, at least. Jin couldn’t produce milk, she couldn’t produce warmth. Her baby was crying because she was hungry and there was nothing she could do about it. Not unless she went to someone could provide such necessities. Jinny showed up at Mr. and Mrs. Benford’s home moments later. Dirty, pale, and with a screaming baby. Mrs. Benford fainted upon seeing the woman whose funeral she attended. It was understandable, but Jin didn’t have time to explain everything just yet, especially since she didn’t know how. She only knew her daughter needed providing for, and so she struck a deal with Mr. and Mrs. Benford (once she came through). They would take care of the child while Jin acted as a housemaid.

This went on for a number of years, until Zinaida was in her late teens. During that time, Jinny had becoming increasingly restless. She couldn’t leave the home. Everyone thought she was dead. She couldn’t be seen walking around downtown London. So, in a quick decision, Jinny packed her and Zinaida’s items and left the Benford household while they were both at work, leaving them a long letter, explaining her decisions. It was the least they deserved. From then on, Jinny and her daughter’s life truly began to flourish. They travelled everywhere, coast to coast, near and far. Jinny dipped her toes back into culinarian arts, this time, professionally. The mother daughter duo wouldn’t stay anywhere for any longer than ten years, especially since after such a time, it would become noticeable that while Zi grew into a beautiful young woman, her mother, never even received a wrinkle.

Jin and Zinaida knew what they were doing in this world, and to think that Jinny once thought she didn’t have it in herself to make it anywhere without Elyas – scoff!. Now, at her side, was her child. Her daughter. Her best friend. They protected each other and held each other up. That’s why when, Zinaida didn’t come home one night, and one night moved into two days, and two into three, Jinny was left wanting to pull out her hair. It was on the fourth day when a knock came at her door. Jin almost didn’t want to answer it. When she finally answered, what was on the other side was not what she was expecting. Before Jin could ask who the person standing before her was, he gave her all of the information she needed: His name was Godfrey, he was a vampire and a priest, one of his nuns had found Zinaida in a life-threatening condition, and that he could take Jin to see her daughter. Jin didn’t need to know anything else and went with him. Jin stayed by Zinaida’s side until she was much fully recovered and transitioned. Her daughter, her baby girl, who was once human just like her, had now been changed into something completely different. The two stayed with the nuns and Godfrey while the clan could help Zinaida and teach her the ways of being a vampire. Zinaida seemed to take to the transition well enough. Perhaps, it was because already having a dead and immortal mother made being a vampire a little easier, but maybe, Zinaida had always been a strongminded girl with the power to overcome anything she set her mind to. There was also obvious tension between Jinny and the clan itself, though she ignored the rude name callings and turned her cheek for the sake her daughter, being on Godfrey’s particular good side helped sooth things from time to time. Her relationship with Godfrey turned into something a little more than friendship, it was just on the cusp of blooming into something that could have been beautiful and kind. But, unfortunately, Jin seemed to be cursed and another good thing had to end. The clan revolted. Zinaida could stay, if she wanted, but Jin had to go. They didn’t like that fact that an outsider who wasn’t a vampire was amongst their midst all the time, especially an outside that could compromise the façade of being priests and nuns. Jin, never wanting any trouble, agreed that it would be best if she would leave. Wanting the best for her daughter, Jin told Zinaida that if she wanted to stay with the clan, she could do that. She didn’t say that leaving her daughter would be the biggest heartbreak of all, but if that’s what Zi wanted, Jin was going to have to accept and respect that decision. So, when Zin chose to stay with Jin, the lich truly understood what true love was in that moment. Jinny and Zinaida would choose each other, and nothing was going to be able to come between them.

Over time, Jinny had become a world-renowned culinarian, though, always changing her name, this made it easier to move around and travel. 2020 came around, and it was time for another change. While discussing where to go next, it was Zinaida’s idea to reside in Lethe, having never really been around so many supernatural creatures at once and their own species for that matter, Jin agreed taking the opportunity with a smile. In the next short weeks, the two arrived in Lethe where Jin took up a job at The Sweet Shop. It’s small and easy-going, but after a life of rushing around, it was nice to relaxed outside of a heated kitchen. Jin is a little worried about what Lethe has in store for her and her daughter, especially since a long-lost heartbreaking detective is also in town – Jin sometimes wonders if Zinaida knew Elyas was here, but she knows that is  impossible since the two don’t know about each other – which, she hopes stays that way for some time before she can figure out a way for them to not find out about how they’re related at all. She’s feeling neither happy or mad that he’s here. In fact, as of right now, she’s simply pretending Elyas doesn’t exist, just like she’s been pretending for the last one hundred-and-some-odd years.

[xueyaang]

15 QUESTIONS, 15 MUTUALS

Tagged by @sozotohakai​! :)

⭑ are you named after anyone ?  

Allegedly, after my Great-Grandfather, named Christian. Paternal or Maternal, I’m not sure. That’s all I know, haha

⭑ when was the last time you cried ?  

fucking hell.... every several episodes of Nirvana in Fire!! That show was such a ride. I need to watch it again. What really got me about it was the theme of stories, people, memories, etc... some coming back from the dead and all from the past long buried; everything being readdressed the way it ought to have been. And the best part that strikes me deep - justice and truth and integrity on all different levels is not ignored or thrown aside by those want change. That’s what really got me inspired and moved by this show. And also? Deep meaningful relationships linked by a past that slowly becomes uncovered through the show? The younger generation being upset at the collective disillusionment and passivity of the governing body and wanting change but powerless to do anything about it? fuck, hit me with all that good shit every time and I will betray every single hidden city for you.

Ah, I love Nirvana in Fire. If anyone watches it, please come yell at me about it.

⭑ do you have kids ?  

2 cats: one longhair boy by the name of Tyelkormo, and one shorthair tabby with white mittens by the name of Nadia. I love them both <3 No human children, and I would like to keep it that way. But if that’s what My Lady wants, then I will oblige her and make every effort to be a suitable parent.

⭑ do you use sarcasm a lot ?  

The amount of spice used and how often is pretty dependent on my mood. I don’t use it over IM or text, usually, because it can be interpreted in unintended ways. Also, if I deem that the personality I’m conversing with will take well to a dry sense of humor, I crank that shit up.

⭑ what’s the first thing you notice about people ?  

Their mood or the way they react when I start talking. Theory is that it’s indicative of some anxiety that I can only assume comes from childhood and some form of parental neglect, but the theory is pending. 

⭑ what’s your eye color ?  

Brown!

⭑ scary movie or happy ending ?

Happy ending. I don’t like to watch scary movies, I don’t enjoy them enough X’D 

⭑ any special talents ?

Same as Chris - empathy, probably, but I don’t hold it with that much value; it came at a cost and it actually makes things quite difficult for me X’D Additionally, and much more lately, a more deeply developed sense of intuition. Otherwise, not many other qualities X’D

⭑ where were you born ?  

United States

⭑ what are your hobbies ?  

Video games, writing rp, discussing stories (characters, plots, archetypes, nuances of relationships no matter platonic, rival, and less interested in romantic) themes!!, characterizations, etc) for just about anything I like, be it video games or books or shows or movies, intellectual discussions about various aspects of geography and recent news (except regional micropolitics, international/strategic politics only-!). I’m trying to get back into reading and cross stitching and learning the basics of embroidery, anything that will  get me away from a screen. I’m also trying to enjoy the habit of physical activity again - it’s a really hard habit to build up.

⭑ do you have any pets ?

Mentioned previously. I got Tyelko (grey longhair pretty boy) the days after a funeral of someone i was quite close with, and I got Nadia after I got super angry learning that she was left behind by a family who moved away and left her outside to fend for herself.... she had 7 kittens in the weeks that followed bringing her home. I miss them all ): 

⭑ what tattoos / piercings / body mods do you have ?  

Lobe piercings. I’d like to get more piercings, but it’s not necessary either personally or culturally (not like my Lady!), and it would be highly impractical to get a piercing unless I took time off work for the healing process (if there isn’t a way to have an invisible post in the piercing?). I want a tattoo quite badly, but I can’t decide what I want or where so it simply hasn’t happened. Some Tolkien heraldy would be hella rad, or tengwar quotes of something motivating (obviously Ñoldorin lol)

⭑ how tall are you ?  

If you round up, I’m 5′6″.

⭑ dream job ?

Hm, what I’m already doing, really. It’s been a goal for a very long time, but now that I’m here I haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up. Possibly what I’m doing now, still as a federal employee but not with the military. 

⭑ favorite subject at school?  

Non-bio science classes! I adore earth science!! Physical geography, geomorphology and geology? Hnf. Meteorology, physics, dynamics? fuck yeah. Also, languages? That’s my shit.

Tagging: you, if you haven’t done it yet!

[peachrogers]

my summation + overall thoughts of avengers: endgame

including: what i found wrong with endgame and why i am currently refusing to acknowledge that it happened.

okay i wrote this a while ago but after i never actually got around to posting it so here it is. 

first off,, i will once again introduce myself since this account is fairly new. hello, my name is mackenzie, call me mackenzie, or zie or mack or whatever you want. this was originally to be my main acc after i deactivacted all my old tumblrs because i planned to start fresh on tumblr again and after watching endgame for the second time last wednesday, this account became a marvel acc strictly so !! yeah follow me lets be friends !! message me whenever if you wanna talk or cry or anything. 

to put it bluntly,, endgame fucking sucked. 

endgame was meant to tie everything together. endgame was meant to be this great movie to sum everything up and tie it all together and to just make it make sense in other words.

there was so much hype surrounding endgame, so much pressure, so much excitement. 

in my opinion? the joint effort of the writers and the directors managed to ruin it all. they managed to take a movie that was supposed to do so much for the mcu, to tie everything together as a final conclusion to this infinity saga and they blew it all up.

endgame wasn’t a horrible movie, but there were multiple parts that i (and multiple others i know of) did not like and i will be going over it in this post.

it’s not just because of steve’s ending, which i know, i know, i’ve bitching and crying about that for a while on this account. it’s more than just steve’s ending.

this post is a little all over the place but i’ll try to keep my thoughts together the best that i can.

just a disclaimer: UNDER THE CUT I WILL BE TALKING IN DEPTH ABOUT THE EVENTS OF AVENGERS: ENDGAME AND THIS WILL INCLUDE MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT THE MOVIE SO PLEASE BE WARY. (if you haven’t, seriously where the fuck have you been) BUT IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ENDGAME AND DO NOT WISH TO HAVE IT SPOILED PLEASE SCROLL PAST THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

okay here we go !! so i made posts before about this but this is gonna just be a big long post about EVERYTHING and i’ll explain everything and why endgame sucked. 

originally i had decided to go through scene by scene and talk about each scene but i mean, that’s not really the point of this post and frankly, doing that would probably make this post longer than i want it to be. so i will be focusing on the important scenes. the ones i think are most important to point out and talk about.

as i mentioned above the cut, it’s not just about steve. i know my user is peachrogers and steve rogers has always been my fave avenger. but its more than just steve’s ending and i’ll get into that as we get to it.

i used a transcript while writing this just to help me completely recall everything as it actually was since i don’t consider my memory completely reliable so i linked it if anyone else wants to look at it.  

and again, as i mentioned above, i don’t hate everything about endgame. there were parts of endgame i did like and enjoy. tony and nebula playing paper football for example, i thought that scene was very endearing and adorable and carol coming to save them really made me happy. 

but at the same time, there were scenes i did not enjoy. and i will be mainly going depth on those scenes since i kinda wanted to just summarize and explain and captalize on why endgame failed at doing the job it was meant to do in tying together these 22 mcu films released in the past 11 years.

so starting at the beginning of the film, after they find thaos and thor chops off his head and they have a five year time skip, we see steve, in a group therapy session. 

where steve once again brings up the love of his life and how everyone has to move on. which SPOILER ALERT he doesn’t. this scene, when i first watched i was kinda like whatever, but watching it the second time and watching it now(or even thinking on it), it makes me SO SO mad. pretty sure they kept this scene bc one of the directors is in it. this scene also just makes steve contradict himself since he goes on about how important it is for to move on and yet he just doesn’t even follow his own advice in the end and it aggravates me which i will get into later on.

so skipping to after scott comes out of the time machine van and then steve goes to visit natasha. tbh everytime i watch this scene with natasha and steve, it always just breaks my heart because of the whole:

you know, i keep telling everyone they should move on and… grow. some do. but not us.

(there steve goes again just contradicting himself:(()

and

we both need to get a life. 

you first.

and i remember reblogging a gif set of nat and steve with the same caption and i just :( bc of where they end up in the end and it’s just its really sad. 

seeing tony and pepper with morgan and the fact that tony has finally achieved a level of normalcy where he has his own life with his wife and his child, it’s really nice to see. he definitely deserves it. and i completely understand tony shutting down steve, nat, and scott because he doesn’t want to risk everything especially if it doesn’t work and he ends up losing it. and i totally understood that.

the diner scene where nat, steve, and scott go to talk to bruce about time travel. first off, i just wanna point off how annoying that scene was ?? especially the part with the kids and them not wanting a pic with scott and apparently they only kept that part in bc one of the kids was one of the director’s kids?? there’s just so much wrong with it. 

and now i move on to the great marvel cinematic universe version of time travel. which in itself really hardly makes any sense whatsoever since the directors and the writers both contradict each other on how it works. if you’re going to put time travel in your movie, i really feel like everyone should be on the same page on how it works but i mean, that’s just me. 

it took me a little bit to understand it bc what the fuck. 

the scene where clint,rhodey, bruce, nebula, and scott are discussing how time travel works and rhodey is just naming off all these time movies where time travel works the way that i see it as working(where your past completely changes your future/butterfly effect/chaos theory) and bruce and nebula basically debunk the whole thing and explain it as how changing your past doesn’t change your future and all the whole thing is just bullshit if you ask me. it’s so hard to understand.

okay im not here to argue about time travel. but let me just give some perspective. for me personally, i just see time travel to work like it did in life is strange because it makes more sense. if you change something in the past, that would directly impact your future. if you go in the past and prevent someone from dying, that would not just change the fact that they didn’t die but other factors would be affected too.

and when they brought in the alternate timelines and the “multiverse” it just made things so much more complicated for me.

and i have tried to educate myself more to understand it, i’ve read through multiple posts on the whole time travel thing and i’ve rewatched movies as well to try and understand.

i guess the biggest thing that didn’t sit well with me is just that the directors and writers WHO YOU WOULD ASSUME would bring some clarity and insight on the matter really just brought more confusion and only contradicted each other and i do Not Like it at all. 

but i mean who cares about what we want ? it obviously doesn’t mean shit to them.

moving on.

uh lebowski thor idk at first i really wasn’t into it and i was kinda like wtf but i mean i’ve kinda come to be cool with the change in character. and apparently chris hemsworth was really into it so idk to each their own. 

and just for the record: i think we all know that Noobmaster69 is deadpool

also i fucked loved the america’s ass joke but i’m pretty sure everyone did. 

okay moving on to stony going to the camp lehigh in the 1970s. really i just want to address the scene where steve hides in peggy’s office. you see on her desk that one picture of steve and the picture of her kids and legiT PEGGY WAS RIGHT THERE IN THE OTHER OFFICE HOW DID SHE NOT SEE STEVE WHAT THE FUCK

god idk just thinking about how it was the 1970s and she still thinks about steve who tbh she hardly knew, especially if you compare him to idk daniel sousa ?? and steve saw the picture of her kids and he still was like lol yeah not moving on.

natasha dying okay yeah that was hard to watch. especially since she got nothing for it. tony gets a whole funeral with everyone and yeah ig she got that one moment with the five of them talking about trying to bring her back but that was it and i hate that. natasha deserved more love more attention more recognition way way more than what she got.

ON YOUR LEFT

okay idk how people heard steve’s avenger assemble when the fucker literally whispered it.

i mean it was really nice seeing everyone coming together and fighting and idk it was just everything to see the final fight against thanos. 

ALSO CAP WIELDING MJOLNIR 

tony dying, like i definitely did cry and it was sad, but in a way it was okay because he did it for them he did it for everyone. 

there was an interview with the writers who said there wasn’t a draft where tony didn’t die and i don’t doubt it because i mean, i think it was needed. i think tony needed to be the one to do it. 

and now we get to my favorite part. you know, the worst part of the movie. where steve just ruins everything. 

in the process of returning the infinity stones, steve decides to create an alternate timeline with “peggy” and live out his life with her in that timeline while actual steve of that timeline is in ice.

okay listen i was cool with the final dance, i think that was definitely needed and it would’ve been a perfect end for steve to do that and return and idk give up captain america. but instead NO THEY HAVE TO DESTROY ALL OF captain america’s character development, all of peggy carter’s character development, RUIN BUCKY AND JUST RUIN EVERYTHING THAT WASNT OKAY I AM STILL JUST SO UPSET BECAUSE FOR STEVE TO JUST THROW EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW AND BE WITH PEGGY IN A DIFFERENT TIMELINE ITS NOT SOMETHING STEVE WOULD DO

we all know that is not something steve would do so it just it killed me and the directors hardly even gave an explanation for it and idk its just its such a let down and im just im not okay with it and i won’t be for a while. steve has always been my favorite avenger and for him to go out like this. its so disappointing, steve rogers deserved a better ending than this. 

endgame sucked and its gonna take me a while to accept that endgame actually happened. 

[neotrinitythinker]

Brush off The Grime Of Yesterday (And Begin Again) Chapter 4.

Hank's never really done Spring Cleaning. Even before everything that happened. Cleaning was time consuming.

Something shifts in April. Someone intensely hopeful and new.

In five months, it will have been four months since the car flipped over in practically slow motion and he lost Cole forever. And Isobel, though he lost her entirely on his own.

Hank's been up since 8 cleaning waking with the rest of the world as he hears the birds sing a unceasing, if not slightly annoying, melody. Each moment getting closer to opening Cole's room before walking away again. time. He needs fucking time. Even if the whole point of this was to get around to his room. He isn't avoiding, he tells himself. He isn't.

Connor hasn't noticed his hesitance towards going into Cole's room yet. Or if he has he hasn't said anything. Hank isn't sure how he'd talk to Connor about this anyways. What he even wants to say to him.

Connor's been busy cleaning himself, seemingly taking solace in the task. He's bumped into him a few times, exchanged a few greetings as he's scrubbed and discarded throughout the house.

But mostly he's been in his bedroom, he's had a lot of stuff just lying around the past couple years. He still isn't avoiding.

Maybe he's avoiding, just the tiniest bit.

He hasn't been in Cole's room since the week after the accident, he's drunkenly ripped off the wooden name sign with his name off the door that he bought him for his 5th birthday and broke it into several tiny little pieces, but he's hasn't stepped foot inside the room in four years.

Isobel couldn't either, he thinks. But he doubts she had time to even try with all the unceasing yelling and blaming they did in the following four months before she moved out.

He doesn't want to go in it. Going in feels like an invitation to finally move on. To embrace the fucking healing process. He doesn't want to have to move on. He doesn't want to be the parent that fondly remembers a bittersweet memory of their long dead daughter or son before resuming whatever they were doing before the memory hit them. Like a functional grieving parent. He wants to remember every moment with him.

Maybe there is no functional grieving parent. Maybe it's a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

There's a part of him that does long to move on. Wants his heart to hurt less, not think about playing a game of Russian Roulette with a bottle of whiskey and a pistol every time something reminds him of Cole. It feels...so possible. The thought of being alright again. It fades in and out of the realm of possibility like breath on a mirror more times than he'd like to admit.

He was tired of being angry with the world.

Then Connor came. Every moment with him felt like the moment the android doctor came back to tell him his son was dead all over again. That *he* had to done all he could do because the real doctor had been in some hospital closet getting high of Red Ice.

And Connor had come in and stuck. He had torn down those accusatory, grief fueled walls that overflowed with beer and spite that told him every android was the reason his son was dead.

He doesn't know what he did to deserve Connor appearing in his life.

Androids have had the right to move into their own homes for a month now.

Connor chose to stay.

They haven't talked about it. He just sort of stuck around. Stayed.

Hank finds that he doesn't actually mind. And he's been drinking less.

And in a way, it's another chance. However reluctant he is to talk about it with Connor, it feels like a second start. A reason to try.

Maybe they don't *need* to talk about it. He thinks. Maybe it's unspoken.

Family.

Eventually he manages to clean up or throw away all the things he didn't even know he had, trinkets, clothes he never wore anymore. Junk.

Except for the album.

He's kept the photo album shoved far into the deep recesses of the closet, like it's some sort of skeleton for him. And he supposes it is one. Even if he moves on. He's not going to throw it away. Not ever.

It's a baby blue colored, daisy decorated thick mass of a book. However short his time was with him, there was so many memories of him. So many moments he felt so unbelievably goddamn lucky to be privileged enough to even have. To even have the honor of witnessing. being a part of.

He runs a shaky hand over the outside of it, sighing. The daisy decor is still as scratchy as the day Isobel and Cole made it. They wanted it to be so special

Slowly, he heads to Cole's room, a shaking hand opens the handle.

His room is still the same way he left it the morning he left forever. Aside from the old whiskey bottle he left on the floor when he came into the room drunk the week after the funeral. Isobel had been so angry.

He doesn't know why he chose today to try and move on. Shit, why he chose today to be the day he finally went in the room. But he's here.

It's a room decorated by blue and green walls, walls joined by posters of this show Cole never stayed quiet about. In a way this room is deceitful, he's half expecting Cole to come crashing into it, asking him why he's in it and if he come with him to watch his shows.

He won't. But Hank can dream.

He has two bags with him. One for the things he can bear to get rid of, and the things he isn't sure he's ready to get rid of just yet. Maybe with time he will be, but this isn't the day.

Sluggishly, he moves forward to grab various things, it feels automatic. Like he's the android.

He takes the bag of things he kept with him, setting it down on the table next to the album as he sits on the couch with it.

He sees Connor out of the corner of his eye, a look of confusion, and then slight concern as he glances at the open door of what he can only assume is Coles room. And then back to him.

"Hank? What are you doing?" He asks softly.

Hank breathes in. "Spring Cleaning, kid."

"Are you okay?" Connor questions.

Hank scoffs. "I don't know. You know Cole helped make this?" He asks, holding up the album. "He was so proud of it."

"It looks very well made." Connor says simply. He's trying Hank thinks. He knows Connor sometimes has trouble with emotional support. He sure as shit was himself.

"Yeah. Yeah it sure is." He laughs bitterly. He holds up a toy he didn't end up throwing out. "I got this for his 3rd birthday. He was so....happy." Hank never wanted a drink this badly. But a month sober can't be all for nothing.

Connor moves, sitting down next to him. "Is that a photo album?" There weren't that many people that used them. At least physical paper versions nowadays.

Hank smiles. "Yeah. five years worth of memories in 'em."

The android doesn't say anything, and Hank continues.

"You know...the day Cole was born.. I thought I was the luckiest person on the goddamn planet." He starts. "He was one of the few great things to have happened to me. He was so...small and...happy. I didn't know what I did to deserve him. This...chance, I was given."

Hank opens a page of the album to a series of photos. His eyes set on one of them. A exhausted but grinning golden haired woman with grey eyes and a crooked nose held a blanket wrapped newborn. Next to them, a younger, less grizzled Hank stood nearby, a smile formed on his features.

"Those were the happiest six years of my life." Hank explains. "Until I took him for an afternoon drive and only one of us came out it."

Connor looks how Hank feels. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant." He doesn't bother to correct him with 'Hank.'

"Yeah...Me too."

Hesitantly, he closes the album with a heavy sigh. He needed to say it now or the room would just continue to collect dust. Cole loved the room. It didn't feel right to just let it suffer that fate.

"Look, Connor." He starts, shifting his body so that he was facing the other man. "I cleaned out the room...well, because it felt...like the right thing. Cole didn't deserve for it just be a ghost town.  But...also, maybe you deserve to use it now. Cole fucking loved androids. Only feels right that you use it now."

Connor's eyes widen slightly. "Hank, I... I'm perfectly alright with going into stasis on the couch, I don't even require a bed, I don't even need to go into stasis at night. I couldn't possibly take Cole-"

"Just say yes. Alright, you've been living here for five months, kid. And you don't even have a bed." Hank interrupts.

"But..it's Cole's room Hank. Are you sure your ready for that?" Connor asks.

Hank runs a hand over his face. "No, if i'm honest. But I need to fucking...do this someday or other." Moving on.

Both of them sit there for a good five seconds.

"You aren't Cole, Connor. But you're still...family." A son.

Hank continues. "You're family, now. Take the room."

Connor stays silent, expression thoughtful, before nodding.

Hank stands, walking towards his room.

"Where you going?" Connor asks.

"To bed, I need a damn nap." Hank says in an empty voice.

"I think of you as my family too." Connor says suddenly.

Hank turns. Connor's eyes shine in the living room lamps light next to the couch, his expression is warm, content. It's the happiest he's ever seen him.

"Good. That's good." He says, gently shutting the door.

Good.

[thisisabouta]

This is About a... Time I Was Annoyed.

I’m so tired of talking. I have to talk way more than I want to at work and it drains the fuck out of me. It was ideal coming home to an empty house when I lived alone, most of the time... there were some nights I wish I had someone to talk to but I was glad to be able to choose when those times were. People aren’t very accessible to me tho. It appears more times than not, that I can’t reach anyone when I really need to so I stopped reaching. And also because I need to talk to someone who actually knows the ‘correct way’ to respond to me.

Friends claim that they know me so well but none know how to accomplish this. All of my important relationships have disintegrated or are in the process of doing so and I have absolutely no energy to do anything about it. The part of me that actually wants to do something about it isn’t functioning at the moment. I don’t know when or if i’ll care again. I feel like a lot of my friendships have been fake. Ok well no, I take that back but they were definitely, mostly superficial as fuck.

People didn’t really start hanging out with me until I started drinking. My “friends” that I have now don’t know the high school version of me and the pre high school version of me. They may have heard things but they didn’t meet that version of me. I think the only person I really knew right before it all started was Jamie. There’s a foundation there but the house has been completely burned down. Everyone else I treat as my family which means I only see them on holidays and/or special occasions. 10 years ago, the word and sense of my family meant to more than it does now. I don’t have anything but time tying me to these people.

We sit around on occasion and talk about everything we miss from years past and that shit is exhausting and an obvious sign that those years are the only ones that matter now. We created beautiful memories together but that’s all, these people who are my friends and who know me so well are just as bored as I am. They either want to try and fix my life cause they can’t fix theirs and talk down to me or just want some drama to talk about so they can say me having my shit together is a lie. I know there are people in my life who get a small pleasure out of seeing me trip and fall. I’ve been the center of everything for so long and I’ve always gone along while still doing my own thing. I was going the fuck thru it for over half my life and I made it a point to be there for everyone but myself. Why the fuck would I want to pay attention to my own problems when I had alcohol and boys who were finally starting to pay attention to me.

It took me over 10 years to attempt to choose myself and the people who haven’t already left me behind are pissed. Most of my friends are in relationships, have had long relationships, made best friends, have crazy stories to tell because of me. I can’t and won’t take credit for the way anyone’s life has turned out but I have been the center of alot of things that have taken place. Basically, as far as I see it now, my work is done. God knows tho, all of these people who have met their real friends and are done wasting their time caring about me will be the same ones at my funeral acting like they talked to me the day before. I can see the collage posts now with the club pictures, talking about how I was such a good friend (even tho, I don’t even know if my number is saved in your phone and you unfollowed me on social media months before) and how I was always there for them when they really needed it.

Now any kind of catching up is talking about how much we hate our jobs, the new guy who’s taking us on a date cause the last one didn’t work out - again, what other people are doing and why we have any right to have an opinion on it and the just all around banter of people who are really disappointed and miserable. Misery really does love company. If that’s what the premise of my current friendships is going to be, I’m not here for it. It’s bad enough that I have all these bad thoughts in my head but then to talk about them out loud, over and over and fucking over again. I’m annoyed just hearing myself. How many times can I talk about my fucking problems knowing that I’m not going to do anything to fix them and the person Im talking to is just going to try and give me advice when they’re simultaneously telling me that they don’t know how to fix their own shit.

I feel like a Tamagotchi. I loved having one of those stupid things. I wanted one so bad as a kid and was super excited when I got it. It wasn’t a huge part of my life, it was still just a damn keychain but it was really important to me. I took really good care of it the first few days, took it everywhere and showed it off to my friends. After awhile tho, it really did just become another keychain. I kept forgetting to feed it and it kept dying over and over again. I still liked it tho, it was fun to play with sometimes but I kept forgetting it was there. I don’t know what day I grew up and stopped using it but it happened and it doesn’t even matter. It was so fucking important to me at one time but the fascination wore off and there were better games out there. This is probably more how I feel guys treat me but still, a relationship is a relationship...

This is a hard time for me. I have a new best friend in my life now so I must sustain twice my normal amount of our kind of energy. There’s a definite reason why i’ve been prone to only get really close to extroverts. Not that there’s anything wrong with being an introvert. I love that deep, introspective part of myself but I can remember; in depth, all the outcomes from my introvert/introvert relationships. That’s a fucking dark place to be. Granted I love going to dark places but that’s when I have the will enough to carry myself and the other person back out. I think that part of me died too.

[today-your-my-little-bitch]

secret pain

guys this is my first real fic ive ever written. im really proud of it. making new chapters all the time.

Chapter 1

: chapter 1Chapter Text

Lainey had been hunting on her own for 6 years. Bobby had begged her not to go. It wasn't safe alone. Well now Bobby was dead. The news had reached her when she had gone to a hunter's roadhouse. She regretted how she had stormed out on Bobby, the man who had helped her when no one could. She had traveled to Sioux Falls as soon as possible. By the time she had gotten there the funeral had already ended but there was a familiar '67 chevy impala still in the driveway. She walked inside Bobby's rickety old house remembering younger days when she would walk the halls and laugh along with the old man. Her attention was diverted in another direction as she heard someone's heavy footsteps coming from the living room. Lain turned to meet the footsteps, reaching for her gun in the process. But who she was met with was..."Dean Winchester?" "ya, and who the hell are you?" Lain had just realized he had his gun trained right on her heart. How long had it been since she'd seen him? Maybe 8 years? God he had become so beautiful. Uh what? No she was not thinking these thoughts right now. she shook her head and pulled her gun out to rest it at her side. "My name is Lainey McKane. I- I was close to Bobby" "How do you know him?" Dean asked almost testing her. "um...we've hunted together for years. I haven't seen him in 6 years but we were really close." Lain decided not to tell him her backstory just then. Dean seemed to be contemplating letting me pass or shooting me, when Sam came in. "uh hey. Dean who is? And you don't need to point your gun at her!" Sam took the gun right out of Dean's hands. "that's better. Now how are you?" "I'm Lainey. Lain. I was close to Bobby but i haven't seen him in 6 years" "well then welcome. You missed the funeral but you can still pay respects to his memory. And you might even be willing to help us clean up. Hunters make a big mess." Sam had started walking back into the kitchen. "um thanks. Sure I'll help." she tucked her gun back into the waistband of her jeans. Then she walked behind Sam into the kitchen. As she was walking past Dean she felt his eyes following her. As she entered the kitchen she saw that there was indeed a big mess. Why did hunters always so messy? "Can I just wander around a bit? Its been been so long since I've been here." "Sure. And why were you here before? I didn't quite get that part of the story." "Me and Bobby did some hunts together. He saved me on one of them a while back. He let me crash here sometimes." She hadn't been lying about most of that. She just didn't give him any context. Nothing more than necessary. "oh. Well then you know what an amazing man he was." "Ya. Also how drunk he can get on bad days." "That too. But anyways I'll let you get back to your roaming." "thanks." Lain started by going up the old molding stairs. She walked down the hallway to where Bobby's room was. When she looked in there she saw nothing but memories of when she was younger. She walked next to the bed and lifted the mattress to find something she knew had been there for a long time.

Chapter 2

: chapter 2 Summary:

lainey will be going through memories with bobby. so heartwarming.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

What Lain had gotten from under Bobby's bed, was a simple frame holding a photograph. The photo was aged and beautiful. It was of her and Bobby outside the sign to the junkyard. She had been 15 at the time. She had finally started to think of this place as home. It had been a year since he had taken her in, and that was closest to the roughest year of her life. She was still grieving and couldn't accept reality. She had stayed in the room three doors down the hall on the left. She didn't leave her room much. But one day, that day, Bobby came in and told her to get her sorry ass out of bed because we all lose people and we all go through pain. And he promised to get her through it. And he promised to help her have control over who she was and what she could do. So she had gotten up, gotten dressed, and helped Bobby with the cars. That's when he decided to take a picture. They had agreed it was too dangerous for her to be unnecessarily public, so Bobby had hidden this picture under his bed. In the years that passed after that they only grew closer, and one day she had finally been ready to start hunting again. But that all went downhill when she nearly didn't make it home. Bobby had gotten furious and had tried to make her quit hunting, but she couldn't. Hunting was a big part of her life and she wouldn't give it up. And so one day she had packed her black duffel bag with all of her stuff, and left. Might have been one of the worst decisions of her life. She hadn't even looked back at the man who had taken her in, the man who had helped her and saved her. She walked out on a normal life forever. And she drove off and never came back. Until now that is. Being in this house, remembering all those good times was making her emotional. Ugh she hated being emotional. Emotion was a weakness. She learned that a long time ago. She put the picture back under the bed mattress. She took one last look around Bobby's room and went down the hall to her old room. When she opened the door she saw that nothing had changed. Everything was how she remembered it. Plain walls, plain floors, plain bed. The red curtains were still there if not a bit more dusty. He had wiped all remnants of her from this place except for the picture under his bed. Lain decided that she had had enough time to reminisce, and so she went back downstairs. As she was nearing the bottom she could hear Sam and Dean whispering angrily at each other about something. She was willing to bet her life it was her they were whispering about. She stepped off the stairs, folded her arms, and leaned against the wall. "whatcha boys talking 'bout?" They both jumped at her voice, not knowing she was there. "um, we were just talking about uh. Sam, what were we talking about?" Dean said then asked Sam. "Well Lain we were talking about you." Dean looked at Sam like he was out of his mind for saying that. "And what exactly have you been saying about me?" "We were just saying how its strange that you come back now, saying that you knew Bobby for years, but he never mentioned you." Well this was going to be difficult. "Well he wouldn't have. I was younger. A teenager. I stopped being in contact with him around six years ago. I asked him not to talk about me. He probably didn't even remember me anyways though. Its been so long." "Ah, well, if you knew him from so long ago, why did you still come to his funeral? Or tried to anyways." Dean asked her. He was having trouble speaking today for some reason. He kept saying 'uh'. "because I've never forgotten how he helped me. After I left I regretted it, but I chose to keep hunting and he wanted to take that away. So I had to go. Would you forget some of the best years of your life?" "I- I guess not. Sorry. Didn't mean to pry." Lainey took a deep breath and told Dean, "It's fine, you just struck a soft spot." she chuckled a little. Then she pushed off from the wall and stood in front of Dean with her hand outstretched. "What do you say we start over. You know without the gun pointed at my face." "Sounds good." he grabbed her hand and shook it. "Do you boys want help cleaning up the mess now?" "Yes," both boys said energetically A few hours later when they had cleaned everything up and had a few beers, Lainey was headed back outside to her car to find a motel for the night. She didn't feel like driving or leaving any time soon, but she needed to. She was getting her keys out to unlock the door when a piercing pain struck her. She doubled over on the ground. She started coughing and when she pulled her hand away there was blood, lots of blood. And with that the world went dark.