#and now I'm going to lose /another/ day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

valkyrietookmoved · 2 years ago

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I have lunch with family and they just told me (it's almost lunch time) please let me out if here

#you couldn't have chosen just one day to put everyone together???#we have to have 3 separate celebrarions????#can I never know peace? i need to fucking study #well there goes my motivation I know after lunch I'm going to be so exhausted from social interaction I won't be able to do anything #great #i have a final in two days I hsve not studied nesrky enoguh I do not have any if my notes well writtem for the one in 5 #and now I'm going to lose /another/ day #just kill me already it'll be easier #utter complaining

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territorial-utopia · 4 months ago

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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)

Sure has been a year.

#terri #niart #got my wisdom toofies out #well 2 out of 4 #still got stitches #idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless #also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash #i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet #I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for #the difference is like night and day #old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day #new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day #i am sobbing #the right people are out there #don't lose hope #i've never felt this platonically loved honestly #also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd #just #a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out #this piece was such a strain and i just #don't have patience for art rn #this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers #i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh #ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH #i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now #Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man

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undead-moth · 5 months ago

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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?

I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.

Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.

Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.

#The Bear #SydCarmy #I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago #and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind #I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me #it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place #so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life #and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment #and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult #these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how #and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that #could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day #and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all #because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like #it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing #like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have #kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing #and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to #get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually #what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human #and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point

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tittyinfinity · 1 year ago

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everyone wants disabled people to get a job but no one wants to give disabled people the ability to work a job

#.bdo #no one hired me after about 30 job applications and 4 interviews after a whole year in this job program #back in the day i got every job I applied for immediately #and then when you do work a job they don't make it accessible for you #you get fired just for calling in too many times #even people who are able to go back to work don't #because they'd lose their housing assistance/food stamps/medicaid/utility assistance etc #and if they lost another job it means that they have to reapply for everything #my dr. appointments are $400/mo I get $330/mo food stamps I had $420/mo housing assistance $200/mo utility assistance #so that's $1350 a month in assistance plus my $760 a month = $2110 #so if I go back to work I would have the same amount of money or less. I literally can't afford to work. I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK.#(no longer getting housing or utility assistance now that I'm at my mom's so I'm currently paying more bills than I was)

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xray-vex · 9 months ago

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HOW YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME

#literally. re: email from my ex this morning #every day it takes every ounce of mental and emotional strength i have to get my ass out of bed and face the day #today i begin packing to move the fuck out of here #everything fucking hurts and i hate this so much #i'm not feeling brave about any of this #one of the worst things about a breakup is that it damages you for any potential future relationships #in the sense that “how can i ever trust anyone with my heart and my love ever again?”#as if it's not bad enough losing someone you thought would be in your life forever #but the deeply cutting betrayal of finding out that this person you actually trusted with your literal life had led you on FOR YEARS #ESPECIALLY in the sense that this whole scenario is giving me intense flashbacks to the ending of another relationship #that broke me so bad it almost killed me #and it's easy for them to say “i hope you find someone who makes you happy” when they have someone new in their life #if i believed i had prospects for a new romantic relationship then it would be a little easier for me to collect myself & regroup & move on #but i don't think i have it in me to go thru any of this again #and that gives me even more layers of anger and rage and grief #as if it wasn't enough to betray me and break my fucking heart #but it broke me FOR ANY FUTURE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TOO #i know it's not productive for me to think that way #but right now i am fucking drowning in my fucking pain and fucking grief and fucking rage #i wanted stability and love and trust and someone to come home to every night and someone to come home to me every night #i just wanted to love and be loved #i wanted someone who i could call home #I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED #rage #grief #trauma #edward teach #our flag means death #ofmd

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luvsavos · 10 months ago

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i am once again apologizing for my lack of activity/responsiveness

my childhood cat passed away a few days ago which has just been more stuff on top of everything else for me to deal with to stress me out and upset me

i'll try to get back to stuff. Eventually. as soon as i can</3

#mar.txt #still very much upset about losing him，but it's kind of faded for numbness now #still not holding up great though especially considering how sudden it was #he was all fine and healthy and then just suddenly started to rapidly go downhill and within like. two days he was gone #he was so weak. couldn't move almost at all，his meows were barely just meow-sounding exhales. the last two things he did were #getting my attention so i would come to him，then attempted to crawl onto my lap and despite me being less than a foot away he couldn't make #it. so i brought him onto my bed on my lap with me. and then at some point later after another sudden onset of diarrhea (which seemed to #take absolutely all of his remaining strength) and i'd brought him back to my bed after cleaning the poop off of him he got my attention to #move his head so he could look up at me. and that's how he passed. looking up at me.#despite everything，he was purring. so weak and faint i could hardly feel it，but. he was purring，maybe until the moment he finally passed.#he was obviously suffering. and we couldn't afford to get someone to put him down so we just did what we could for him.#i'm glad that，at least，he was happy in his final moments. he wanted to be with me and i'm glad i could give him that. i HAD needed to go out #that day but i opted to stay home because i was worried he'd pass while i was gone. sure enough if i had gone out he would have.#i'm glad i could give him the comfort and company he wanted in his final moments. i'm glad i made him happy enough in them to purr even #despite how weak he was. i'm glad he didn't pass alone and possibly in pain.#ive lost a lot of pets in my life. but amos? he's only like. three years younger than me? we practically grew up together. ive known him his #entire life. no amount of being told it hurts to lose a childhood pet will ever compare to the reality of it happening.#i buried him outside my window. so he's close to home.#vent post? i guess?

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causticsunshine · 11 months ago

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wanted to share the sentiment here too but didn't feel like rewriting the whole thing lmao so here are some Thoughts i had last night on twt regarding my weird relationship with my art whilst being in fandom:

i know i've definitely talked about this kind of thing in the past but it's been a very recent development that i actually understand what's been going on with me and why i've picked up this habit of letting a fandom i'm in / a piece of media i'm really into fully dictate my creative drive. like, just because i'm very interested or invested in something, it doesn't mean i necessarily feel inspired by it or inspired by it for the duration that it holds my interest, and forcing myself to create relative art or fic or what have you for the vested interest(s) has both dampened my desire to be creative as well as my imagination. i know a lot of people can be super into something or a few random things at once and that can keep them going for ages without them running out of ideas, but in my case, things that hold my interest aren't always synonymous with my creativity and i'm just now learning that despite how obvious it seems!

i also imagine i'm not the only person who functions like this but i personally haven't seen it spoken about very often (if it even needs to idk), so i wanted to bring it up / talk about it a little bit :)

#art things #alex talks #if you've been following me for awhile or at least saw this coming before i did: does it not at all seem obvious lmao #i think the guilt i was feeling for so long over it being my 'obligation' as an artist in any fandom to only cater to fandom was also #exacerbated by some kind of impostor syndrome like... wait why is this so easy for other people also into x but not me?#makes sense now why i seem to lose steam so fast when i'm making work for one thing at a time only #i need to spice it up!! even if i come back to something eventually i can't force it!#thank u adhd my behated for another extension of my executive dysfunction but i guess #i will learn to work with it :) shedding the guilt has been the hardest part and ik i'll still struggle at times to be inspired or feel #like i need to be doing something specific to cater to other people rather than go with what drives me at the moment but #that's ok! that's life!#here's to me making a lot more art / general creative stuff 🫡 i hope the utter randomness of what i have in store #appeases at least one other person 🫶#sidenote 1d fics will still be eventually finished but 1d art.... we'll have to see bc of the ipad wipe :')#also haven't been in the mood for awhile tbh! been into another stuff and less generally hyperfixated (thank god)#anyway onto better days and more creation!!

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dontmeanyoudontmissit · 9 months ago

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#I know I'm likely catastrophizing and also that a day or two won't make a difference #But I noticed a lump a month or two ago and then dismissed it as not a problem #I cannot remember why I did this. Like did it go away? Did I forget?#Either way I noticed it again today. Spent twenty minutes trying to reach my doctor's office #Before I was fully losing my mind (it's terrible on a good day to keep hearing 'we have a patient portal!' and 'we do urgent care on week!'#Once a minute.) And had to hang up and roll into work 30 minutes late #Just tried to call them again and they are at lunch #Like!! I just want an appointment and for someone to tell me it's not cancer or do a biopsy if it is #Because the internet suggests it could very well be cancer!!!!#And I'm limited on what else it could be based on symptoms so like. I'd like to speak to a fucking doctor #So I can know for sure #Either way I'm starting to investigate a new practice because this one has reassigned me three times in 1 year #So I want to try to find a place that is more stable and doesn't have 20+ minute wait times to speak to a human #Update that I called again and had to hang up after 20 minutes waiting for someone to answer #If the bridge weren't an issue I would show up in person #Anyways I'm now hoping to get through at another place and switch PCPs because this is unacceptable #Even the 'are you sick and need to get in today' option had a 10+ minute wait #Why even have a phone

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saltinesinsoup · 3 months ago

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aughhh the hell of like. being sick but feeling decent like i could go to class. and the knowledge that like. probably shouldnt. and also my class is in half an hour and i havent had lunch

#jaytalking #i have tested negative so far. one friend said she would bring around covid tests an hasnt yet so i have no way of checking after this unle #i want to trek for like. 20 minutes to the hospital pharmacy and spend another 20 bucks #i am not going to go to class bc i sat up and had the worst headache in the world and a friend said they would send me the notes but ugh.#bye bye five points bc nobody's gonna record the lecture for me and i don't really want to like. retool those notes #ughhh being sick during school is the worst especially bc its like. i don't really feel like i can miss class but i really shouldn't be goi #but if i'm still feeling shitty tomorrow and i don't go to class i'm going to miss a class discussion and another lecture and also a studio #day for my drawing class. and i'm already missing a studio day for a different art class with no response from my teacher yet #why is being sick like the worst thing in the goddamn world #maybe i email my professor about the discussion and be like heyyyy ive been sick and im not sure if im going to make it to class so what #should i do about that discussion. blease. i don't want to lose easy points just because i can't control my immune system #also yeah i think i would die in that lecture. i just wish somebody would record it :ouh:#maybe i shouldve emailed my professor this morning but also its a big lecture hall and i don't think she normally records anything so hey.#ill never know bc im starving and im going to eat my lunch now

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wolpatinga · 3 months ago

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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good #or that it's getting better. i really do #i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess #cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them #and i could not tell you why #this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here #but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that #isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts #the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself #and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone #and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this #which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago #and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine #and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message #does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them #i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action #it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now #i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon #and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates #it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said #thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles #i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms #it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know #and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort #and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it #god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts #idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better

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ereborne · 6 months ago

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Song of the Day: May 20

"In Hell I'll Be in Good Company” by The Dead South

#song of the day #I'm so tired and time is again losing meaning I'll try to get back on track after this one #my brain's telling me the meeting I just finished is tomorrow's because it's still today-Monday on the inside of me but that's not right #so I've had. careful going now. I've had yesterday-Monday's meeting and today-Tuesday's morning meeting #the Idiot Project continues at its originally projected pace which is to say: I'll be hell and high-water done by next Friday #another meeting now and then training this afternoon and then after dinner it'll be the end of this new day so probably the next song then?#time!#'after I count down three rounds in hell I'll be in good company'#this song is unrecognizable without the music playing--very banjo-bounce reliant--so it's one of the few I never sing alone

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waitineedaname · 2 years ago

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I put this in my drafts a full week before the episode came out but I can't stop thinking about ritsu's character development in relation to ???%. the first time we get introduced to ??? as a concept, ritsu insists that it's not his brother (which is why he claims his brother didn't hurt him, because he sees ??? as something separate from his brother), and then in the ???% arc, he understands and accepts that ??? is just part of his brother before mob even does, and that's what's been keeping them from connecting, both of them were avoiding acknowledging this part of him. it just makes me crazy to think about how ritsu was one of the first people to be hurt by and fear ???, and then he's the first one to fully accept ??? as part of his brother

#hello welcome to another installment of lily is having far too many thoughts about ritsu kageyama #ouuguughh I'm writing this post on 12/6 because I can't stop thinking about it #I am not fucking prepared for this episode to come out next week #it's going to kill me dead #mp100 #mp100 spoilers #HI THE TAGS ARE NOW FROM PRESENT DAY ME. SCREAMING AND LOSING MY MIND BC OF THIS EPISODE

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pabulumm · 11 months ago

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x

#feeling bad tonight #like i want to drive my car into the nearest snowbank and just let the cold take me #which i know is dramatic and i'm annoyed with myself for even saying it #but the feelings gotta go somewhere #and i have nobody to talk to #which is part of the problem #another part of the problem is feeling so ashamed of my life that i close myself off from the few people left in it #and eventually i really will have nobody left #what i wouldn't give to have one day where i don't feel like a loser #i have felt like a loser every single day of my adult life #like how do i change that about myself now?#but then i guess it's like...what do i have to lose by trying?#it might hurt??? like *this* doesn't fucking hurt???#idk guys idk #not getting into my car though in case anybody read this far #personal posts

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passionatememes · 1 year ago

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what if i'm sosososososo tired. what then

#the burn out is swiftly approaching #i'm going to go insane at the beginning of this project i asked basic questions like. what size do you want these labels?#do you want them in both of the languages of this province so to adhere to the language laws?#and the answer was for both: no :) it's okay #so i a) estimated the size based on vibes because i was given nothing else #and b) did them all in english #and then i get told. oh no the labels are too big!!! you have to resize!! no not to the template the printers sent me just go by vibes!!!!#(i had to resize them for her TWICE)#and now i'm being asked if i can put both languages in #i cannot stress how long ago these labels were finished #and how i asked very specifically about both these things at the beginning to avoid this very situation #anyways i'm losing my fucking mind #also i worked 40+ hours in the last 4 days and i'm exhausted and my one day off is for design meetings and then back to work for another 3

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