#and now I’m just rambling 🤣

[pizzaqueen]

Steve and Eddie truly do feel like that “dude, but like romantically” post to me

[authenticcadence18]

FYI:

I do not think Phineas and Isabella will “break up” or anything of that nature in the new seasons.

At most, Isabella’s crush might take a backseat to some of her other character traits such as her being a leader, her snarky side, etc. Similarly to how they wrote her in Candace Against the Universe. They chose to explore other aspects of her character in the limited runtime of movie, which I fully support. But now they’ll have two full seasons, I highly doubt her crush won’t come up in some aspect.

The pnf writers know phinbella is a popular ship they would not sabotage it. I also suspect we might see Phineas’s side of things more, since the original show was lacking in that regard (and I suspect the crew have seen some of our critiques of “Act Your Age” and will not want to repeat that).

if you see me posting sad phinbella breakup content! that’s an au!! I don’t want them to “break up” in the show (I put “break up” in air quotes bc it’s unlikely we will see post-relationship phinbella in the show at all). I just think breakup head canons are neat and interesting to explore. There’s the canon timeline, then my chfil timeline (spoilers: they aren’t going to break up!!), then my breakup timeline. And then allllll the other timelines from other fic writers!

I can tag the breakup content if anyone would prefer not to see it! bc I would like to post more haha.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Hero of Power my beloved punching bag ❤️

[mvsic0]

so IM the crazy one for thinking the episode where toralei and draculaura literally get “red string soulmate bond”-ed, had bloodgood literally say “you guys have been spending A LOT of time together..” in a suspicious tone and literally embraced eachothers hands.. was a little gay?

someone SOMEONE on that team was laughing knowing that someone (me) would be crazy about this ☹️

[acourtofquestions]

Possibly dumb fandom question of random nonsense: is Rowan vegetarian?

— If he isn’t… does that mean he eats all meat… including bird? … or is that cannibalism?😅😂

[samonmain]

What’s insane about the challenges like the treadmill one is that the second you hear it is sounds so intimidating (for most people) and as hard as they’re making it someone is going to win some crazy fit athlete in that room is going to place first that’s insane to me

[anadorablekiwi]

I’m off to go hurt i mean write for Squire 😇😂

[fallen-for-the-stars]

Ok this is my last shaving post- 🤣

But it’s just so much more comfortable, no prickly hair coming back, and half the time I can’t even tell it’s there (it’s very soft and since I’ve stopped hasn’t thickened at all!)

The only thing i even bother shaving is my under arms 🤷🏽‍♀️ that’s the only thing I even bother with

[angielalalu]

soooo today I decided that my sidecut was a bit too long and that I, for the first time ever, was gonna shave it down on my own.

It looks good but when I was finishing up something also looked incredibly off…….it took me ca 10min of staring in the mirror to realise that I accidentally shaved off a bit of my eyebrow as well 🙈😹🙈

[shina913]

A Very Patient Man | LJH

Pairing: Lee Jihoon x AFAB!Reader

Rating: M 🔞; NSFW

Genre: F2L; FWB; smut; pwp

Warnings: cussing; breast play; fingering; cunnilingus; unprotected sex; PIV sex; riding; ass smacking; dirty talk; creampie

Word count: 4.6k words

Summary: You’re frustrated because it takes you longer to reach an orgasm during sex. This has made you feel insecure, and you started to accept the fact you’d never meet someone patient enough to give you the attention you need. Your friend, Jihoon, casually offers a solution.

A/N: Idk. I slipped and fell onto my keyboard and all this horny word vomit spilled out. Thanks to @roaminginthenights for always enabling me in the DMs 🤣

This is also un-beta'd so...it is what it is.

Anyway! Here’s something filthy to end the year! 💜

It started innocently enough at Jihoon’s studio. You were sitting on his couch, venting about your dating life, and as always, he listened attentively just as you do when he shares his own experiences.

However, today’s visit was different. He’s letting you ramble on about a very specific topic.

“I feel like there’s an invisible time limit on foreplay.”

Jihoon’s chair creaks as he leans back, laughing at your incredulous claim. “No, there isn’t!”

“But I really think there is!” you argue. “My last date got visibly impatient, even though I...” you inhale through your teeth, “clearly asked him for more time down there. Instead, he just said, ‘It’s been five minutes, it’s my turn now.’” You huff in annoyance.

“Well, that sucks. Did you get rid of him?”

You grimace before replying. “Please don’t judge me. He was cute, so we still fucked. My vibrator finished the job,” you admit guiltily. “I blocked him on the app afterward though.”

He sighs, shaking his head in mild disappointment. “You shouldn’t compromise on your needs. If you want more time, say so and stick with it.”

You huffed wistfully. “I just take too long. I get all panicky when someone’s been down there for longer than 5 minutes.”

“You can’t rush pleasure,” he comments.

“I know that, but now, it makes me think—how long is too long before you come? Is there a play clock winding down on the field? Do I need to call out an audible?”

He doubles over again, laughing when you start using sports metaphors.

“How can some women summon an orgasm—” you snap your fingers, “just like that?”

His laughs subside, turning more serious now. “Don’t do that. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Everybody’s different.”

“Yes, thank you for reminding me,” you remark sarcastically.

He turns away to face his screen, adding more edits to a track he’s working on.

“I don’t know…” you mumble, shrugging in defeat. “I guess my vibrator and I are destined to spend the rest of our lives together. Might as well reserve matching burial plots.”

Jihoon snorts. “You just haven’t found the right partner. A really patient one, I might add,” he says, half-joking.

You smack him on his bicep, and your hand stings from the unexpected firmness under his oversized shirt. Has his arm always been this solid? When was the last time you touched his bicep? Wait—why are you even thinking of his bicep?

You and Jihoon have been close friends since college, maintaining a purely platonic relationship—never a hint of romance or sexual tension between you. On rare nights out, you even act as each other’s wingman, helping one another find potential dates. You two simply click on a different level—easy and no complications.

He looked up from his mixing board, turning to you with a slight smirk. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but I happen to be very patient.”

The lilt in his voice was unmistakable. It was the kind of tone he used when chatting up potential conquests on your nights out.

You let out a short, humorless laugh. “Don’t you dare use that Joey Tribbiani move on me.”

“It’s not a move.” He keeps his face serious, looking genuinely hurt by your comment. “You’re my friend. I wouldn’t do that to you,” he says softly. “I’m just saying, if you ever wanted to try, I’m game.” He tilts his head, giving a casual shrug. “No judgment.”

You stare at him, stunned, as his offer hangs in the air. You try to laugh it off, shifting uncomfortably in your seat.

Was he seriously proposing that you two—nope! You refuse to go there. Jihoon is a great friend, and although you trust him, you’re not sure you’d be comfortable with the idea of...

You shake your head. You can’t even finish the thought. You glance at your watch for no reason at all.

“You know, I think I’m going to call it a night.”

“Oh? I thought you wanted to grab dinner?” He’s surprised and confused at your sudden change of plans.

“It’s getting late.”

Truthfully, it wasn’t that late. You feel guilty lying to your friend, but you need to escape this conversation—and this situation—as quickly as possible.

“I just got a notification from work. I need to come in early, yada-yada…You know how it is.”

He looks disappointed but doesn’t push. You gather your things, slipping your puffer jacket on, despite the room feeling several degrees warmer.

“Alright. If you’re sure—”

“Yeah,” you cut him off. That came out more tersely than you initially intended. “I’m sure,” you add with a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes to try and make up for it.

He rises from his seat when you do and moves in for a hug—just like he usually does. But this time, the hug feels different; you’re suddenly hyperaware of his touch, your skin tingling all over. You return his hug stiffly, without your usual warmth, then hurry out of his studio and immediately tear off your too-hot jacket.

That night, your dreams were filled with visions—his hands tracing paths across your skin, his dark head dipping between your thighs, his intense gaze meeting yours as you hovered on the edge of unbridled pleasure. The dream felt so vivid you could have sworn you felt the warmth of his breath against your skin. It wasn’t until your alarm began blaring, leaving you trembling and drenched in sweat, that reality came crashing back.

********************************************

A couple of days passed, and you couldn’t stop thinking about Jihoon. This wasn’t your usual “hope he remembered to eat lunch” thoughts or impulse to send him funny memes that popped up on your algorithm.

After your NSFW dream about him, you started noticing little things about him you’d never paid attention to before—the adorable way he’d scrunch up his nose while concentrating on work, how his muscles moved when he reached for something, or how the warm red studio lights perfectly highlighted his features.

You shake your head. It’s not that deep. Jihoon’s suggestion was only practical. There’s no reason to go down this rabbit hole.

Still, you can’t deny the growing curiosity gnawing at the back of your mind. You hadn’t expected his offer to affect you this way, but it does.

After days of avoiding him, you decide to invite him to dinner at your place. Maybe if you discussed this with him, the dreams and inappropriate thoughts would stop.

The moment he walks through your door, everything falls apart. You become hyper-aware of his every move. You catch yourself stealing glances when you think he isn’t looking, and you flinch whenever he gets too close.

Finally, he’s had enough.

“Okay,” he says firmly. “What’s with you? Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not being weird,” you lie, your heart racing. You reach for your drink and take a hefty gulp.

“Have I said or done something? You’ve flaked on me the last couple of times I asked you to go out, you’ve left me on ‘read’ more than you’ve responded...”

You felt guilty for avoiding him, but you needed that space to sort out your thoughts. Though you wanted to have this conversation, you couldn’t find the right moment to broach the topic.

“Then you invite me over, barely talk—” he continues to rant.

“It’s... it’s really more of a me-problem,” you stammer.

“Just talk to me! I can take it.” He throws his hands up in frustration.

You inwardly groan, before finally coming clean. “Remember the last time we were at your studio? I was whining about...something.”

He squinted for a bit, then you could see the recognition slowly dawning in his eyes before lowering his voice. “You mean, how you take a long time to reach an orgasm?”

You shut your eyes, mortified when he articulates it. “Yes…”

“What about it?”

“It’s not exactly about that, but it’s more about what you said after. You know—your offer to help?”

His face visibly relaxes, prompting you to continue. “Okay.”

Your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest, but you push through. “Did you mean it, or were you just messing with me?”

He stares at you for a moment before shaking his head, the corner of his lips quirking up. “The offer still stands, if you want it.”

You sit there chewing the inside of your cheek, feeling torn. Your brain tells you to be careful—fucking your best friend could make things weird. But your body has other ideas. The warmth pooling between your legs makes it harder to think straight.

“Are you considering it?” His voice is gentle, giving you space to choose.

You deflect, buying time to sort through your tumbling thoughts. “I’m curious... have you thought about this before? About us?”

“The idea has crossed my mind from time to time.”

His candor sends butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “Oh,” is all you can manage to say.

“What about you? Have you thought about us...doing things?”

You draw in a shaky breath, forcing yourself to be equally honest. “I never thought of us that way before you mentioned it. But now...” you trail off, unable to verbalize how his suggestion has shifted something between you.

He inches closer, but maintains enough distance to keep you comfortable. His expression grows serious, earnest. “Listen, I would never pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to. You’re one of my best friends, and that matters more to me than anything else. If I’m out of line, just say the word and we won’t talk about it ever again.” The sincerity in his voice, the genuine concern in his eyes makes your heart ache. You’ve always known him to be considerate of your feelings.

“You weren’t out of line.” Hearing you say this was a huge relief to him. “But you can’t really un-ring that bell,” you add wryly.

You also couldn’t get past an earlier comment he made. “So…you’ve thought about us before?”

He takes a moment before answering. “Yeah. I mean, you’re beautiful. Who wouldn’t want you?”

Your cheeks flush at his compliment.

Your best friend has always had this effortless way about him—you’ve seen firsthand how easily he charms people during your nights out together.

Your resolve crumbles, and honestly, you’re tired of fighting it. “How are you so chill about all this?”

He laughs. “It’s sex, not rocket science.”

You groan, burying your face in your hands. “Things won’t get weird afterward, will they?”

“Afterward? So...you’re saying you want to have sex? With me?” His eyebrows raise slightly.

You already knew the answer to that question the moment you asked him to come over. “I guess I do,” you say softly with a nervous smile, “for science?”

His sexy, throaty laugh echoes through the room.

********

You sit nervously on your couch facing each other. Since this is completely new territory for both of you, you know you need to take things slow and make sure you’re both comfortable. Gathering up the courage to agree to this experiment is the easy part, but actually getting into it?

“Just to be clear—this is a one-time thing, right?”

“Of course,” he confirms. “This is purely for educational purposes. And your pleasure.”

You scrunch your nose in protest. “That doesn’t seem like a fair exchange.” The idea of him seeing this as one-sided doesn’t sit right with you. “Shouldn’t this be mutually beneficial?”

“I never said I had to get something out of this. You want to experience an orgasm from foreplay alone, without mechanical assistance, right?”

You nod.

“Okay. So, let me focus on making that happen for you. You don’t need to think about anything else.”

You didn’t want to be selfish, but his offer was difficult to refuse.

“This is about you, not me,” he insists. His decision is firm and he wasn’t budging.

“Okay,” you relent. Fidgeting nervously with the hem of your shirt, you take in a deep breath and release it before muttering, “How should we do this...”

When Jihoon doesn’t immediately offer any suggestions, you think of the most natural way to start.

“Maybe we could start with kissing?”

“Right, good idea.” His voice wavers slightly, betraying that he’s just as nervous as you are despite his attempts to stay composed. Oddly, this puts you at ease—knowing you’re both on the same page, figuring this out as you go.

You both move in closer together, and time seems to slow as he leans in. Your eyes flutter shut, then his lips meet yours. They’re exactly as you’d imagined—soft, warm, and unexpectedly gentle. The kiss starts tentatively, but as your lips find their rhythm, everything feels natural.

When you break apart for a moment, you can’t help but smile. “You’re a good kisser.” You barely finish the sentence before being drawn back to his lips.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he hums, and you can feel his smile against your lips as you both laugh, the sounds melting into your kisses.

Your kisses grow more intense, your mouth sucking on his top lip while his tongue traces delicately along yours, building a warmth that spreads through your entire body. You fist at his shirt, bunching the fabric between your knuckles, while his hand cradles your neck, his thumb gently stroking along your pulse point.

Gradually, his kisses move from your lips, following a path along the curve of your jawline, down to the slope of your neck. You can’t help but giggle at the sensation.

He instantly pulls back, a worried look on his face. “Sorry, are you not into that?”

“No, no—I mean—Yes, I am into it. I’m just a little bit ticklish there, that’s all,” you explain.

“Oh... okay. Do you want to keep going?”

You nod, and as he leans in for another kiss but pauses when you place a hand on his chest. “You know, I didn’t think I’d enjoy this because we’ve been friends for so long, but I have to admit that I like it.”

“Yeah?” A smirk plays across his lips. “Tell me what else you like.” He nips at your jawline. “Or show me.”

Desire spreads through you like wildfire. This was the point of no return. You take his hands and guide them under your shirt until they cup your breasts.

“What do you want me to do?” He murmurs through your lips.

“Play with them.”

His lips capture yours again as he squeezes your breast gently.

He eases you down onto the couch, his lips trailing from yours down your neck to your sternum. When he lifts your shirt to your chest, you feel constrained and pull it off completely, tossing it aside. He follows your lead, removing his own shirt.

His skilled fingers unhook your bra and takes a nipple into his mouth while his thumb teases the other, drawing a sharp breath from you.

You run your fingers through his hair as his kisses trace down your stomach, making your back arch at the sensation against your skin.

His hands glide down your sides until they reach your jeans, where he carefully undoes the button. You hook your fingers into your waistband and start pushing your bottoms down. He helps slide them off, his touch remaining gentle but with a hint of urgency as he pulls the fabric from your legs. As the last piece of clothing falls away, the cool air against your newly exposed skin makes you shiver.

One of his hands pushed between your legs, making them fall open shamelessly. His other hand continued to massage your breasts, making them unbearably sensitive. You can’t believe how slick you’d gotten in a short span of time. To think he hadn’t done much to you yet, apart from kissing you and squeezing your tits.

His gaze traveled down your body, lingering where his fingertips teased your sensitive folds. His feather-light touches made your inner walls clench with need. This only heightened your arousal, making you squirm beneath him, silently begging for more.

He slid one finger carefully into you. Your eyes closed against the unbearable vulnerability of being spread out naked and fingered by your friend, kneeling on the floor beside you. “Don’t think…just feel.” You keened as Jihoon pulled out and thrust gently back into you with two fingers. You couldn’t hold back a moan.

It’s probably been a few minutes now, you’re not sure as you’ve completely lost track of time. You blink furiously in a mild panic and stare down at him, still leisurely finger-fucking you. What he was doing felt so good, but you weren’t even halfway to your peak yet. By this point, other partners would be coming up for air, wanting you to return the favor or just ready to stick their cock in to get their fill.

“Relax...” he cooed, pressing a kiss against your inner thigh. Each deliberate dip and languid curl of his skilled fingers inside you made you wetter, gradually coaxing your muscles to yield. “It’s not a race,” he reassured you softly, his voice thick with desire. “I’ll keep going until you come.”

His words of encouragement sent waves of arousal coursing through you, making your breath catch in your throat.

“Kiss me,” you choked out desperately, needing to feel his lips against yours. Without hesitation, he obliged, sealing his mouth over yours in a deep kiss that made you dizzy.

Your fingers clutched desperately at the edges of your cushions, knuckles turning white from your grip as you felt that familiar sensation between your legs. “Right there. Don’t stop,” you gasped between heavy breaths, your hips bucking against his steadily thrusting fingers. The pleasure was building to an unbearable level, making you feel like you might shatter to pieces if he didn’t push you over the edge soon.

He continued to whisper the filthiest things—words you’d never heard him say to you. They revealed previously unspoken fantasies that ignited your body and overwhelmed your senses. A fleeting thought crossed your mind, wondering if this was his usual bedroom talk. But that thought slipped away as his words and actions consumed you completely. Before you realized it, you were peaking.

“I want to see what you look like when you come,” he purred. “Do you look as pretty as you do right now?” Everything tightened in your core while he kept up his ministrations in a steady, unhurried rhythm.

“Oh fuck, I’m coming…”

“Don’t hold back. Let me hear you,” he urged.

You let out a strangled cry, your mind far beyond the depths of euphoria to care about being quiet or demure about this. He was mesmerized, unable to look away at the sheer pleasure that washed over you. Before you could even process what just happened, he’d already hooked your leg over the back of the couch and covered your cleft with his mouth.

He stroked your clit with his tongue, fluttering over it, building your hunger back up again. He teased your slick folds, taunting you with the promise of another orgasm—something you thought impossible to achieve so soon, yet your body responded eagerly. When his fingers pushed inside you at the same time, you had to bite your lip to stifle a scream.

You came again, your thighs trembling, tender muscles pulsing around his touch. His growl vibrated through you. You didn’t have the strength to push him away when he returned to your clit and sucked softly…tirelessly…but now you wanted more. You needed to feel him.

You manage to sit up and squeeze his shoulder to get his attention. He peers up at you from between your thighs.

“I want you to fuck me.”

“Already?” He smiles, teasing you with painfully slow strokes of his fingers. “Pretty sure I can get another one out of you,” he says cockily.

“Lee Jihoon—I. Am asking you. To fuck. Me,” you punctuated. “Will you do it or not?”

He sits up, turning sheepish all of a sudden. “I, uhm…didn’t expect us to be doing this, so I didn’t bring any condoms.”

It’s not like he was some random guy. Although you appreciated his caution, you just wanted him inside you. “I trust you,” you tell him before pressing a kiss to him.

After he settles on the couch, you shift unsteadily to straddle his hips, pressing your bodies together. Reaching between you, you fumble with his jeans until he helps, lifting his hips in a fluid motion to pull them down just enough to free himself. Bracing yourself, you let him guide you as you slowly sink down onto him. Your lips part with an involuntary sigh that turns into a soft moan as he fills you completely, stretching you in the most delicious way.

When you begin to roll your hips, the friction sends sparks of pleasure through your core.

“Fuck, your pussy feels good,” he breathes out roughly, his fingers digging into your hips before worry suddenly crosses his face. His cheeks flush as he stammers, “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

You giggle at his compliment, causing your muscles to clamp around his length. “I’m not mad at it,” you reassure him. “You make me feel really good, too.”

“Yeah?” His brow quirks. “You like when I fuck you?”

“Yes,” you moan, dipping your head to his lips in another kiss as you find your rhythm together.

His hands roam your back, pulling you closer as you rock against him with increasing urgency. Before this, you’ve resigned yourself to never experiencing an orgasm from penetrative sex, and yet here was another brewing and there was nothing you could do but let it happen.

You gasp as his hand makes sudden contact with your ass, the unexpected sting making you freeze in place. You stare at him dumbfounded.

“What are you going to do about it?” he challenges. Before you can answer, his hand comes down again with another firm smack that rings through the room. “What?” The sound of provocation in his voice makes your pulse quicken.

You hover over him, eyes narrowing as you lean closer. Through gritted teeth, your voice emerges as a heated whisper. “Harder.”

“I thought so.” He smiles slyly before your lips crash in a fierce kiss that leaves you both breathless.

With a firm grip, he holds your hips still as he thrusts into you with deliberate, measured strokes. You clutch at him, the rhythmic sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room. Jihoon buries his face between your breasts, his rough groans reverberating against your flesh.

You whine helplessly, overwhelmed by the building pressure as the familiar coil of tension in your belly winds impossibly tight. Your thighs burn as you teeter on the edge of release.

“Yes...d-don’t...stop...hm...so close,” you pant.

He slows his movements to an agonizing pace, drawing out each thrust to drive you insane. He pulls out completely before sinking back into you with one deep thrust that makes you see stars. Your jaw drops, unintelligible sounds tumbling out your mouth as you come hard.

You hold onto him for dear life, your nails leaving a trail of crescent marks on his skin as he picks up the pace once again, his own rhythm becoming more erratic as he chases his own orgasm. A deep groan rumbles from his chest as your walls pulse and clench around him.

“I’m close,” he warns, his usually calm and collected face now twisted with agonizing need.

“Don’t pull out,” you manage to choke out between strained, ragged breaths.

“You…s-sure…?”

You nod eagerly. With your permission, he thrusts deeper and harder, making your neck loll in ecstasy. He draws you back into a rough, hungry kiss that muffles your shared moans as he reaches the end of his rope, his hips jerking against yours while he spurts inside.

Pressing your sweat-slicked forehead against his, you wait for your heart rate to return to normal. There’s no doubt in your mind—no previous partner could compare to Jihoon.

“Oh my fucking god,” you sigh. “We’ve been missing out all this time.”

He laughs softly, pressing a tender kiss to your lips. “It was worth the wait though!”

********

After a quick shower and a necessary trip to the pharmacy down the block, you and Jihoon return to your apartment with bags of late-night snacks. All that sexual activity had certainly worked up an appetite, and you found yourself craving something sweet. An ice cream waffle cone hit the spot for you.

“Are you okay?”

You smile, endeared at his worrying. “You know, you’ve asked me that same question multiple times now, and I’ll keep giving you the same answer—I’m fine. Great, actually!”

“I know, I know,” he responds sheepishly. “I just hope this doesn’t make things awkward between us.”

“Trust me, I don’t feel awkward about any of this at all,” you respond with complete sincerity before facing him to find out if he felt the same way you did. “Do you?”

He shakes his head, tilting the bag of Skittles into his mouth. “Nope,” he answers between chews. “To be honest, I thought that was fucking mind-blowing!”

You inhale sharply at his candid comment, nodding in agreement. “Same. Absolutely no complaints from me!”

He gets up from the couch, takes out a small box from the shopping bag to set it aside, and stuffs your discarded candy wrappers into it before heading to the kitchen to throw them away.

When he returns from the kitchen, your eyes linger on him. “Thanks, Jihoonie,” you whisper. “For…everything.”

“You’re welcome,” he replies with a wink before sinking back into the couch beside you.

This turned out to be the complete opposite of your initial fears. Not only did this one-off experiment exceed all your expectations, but it seems your friendship remained the same. Though you never would have guessed that your best friend would end up giving you the best orgasms of your life.

As you continue to enjoy your treat, you notice Jihoon’s eyes fixed on your tongue as it swirls around the chocolate ice cream. His dark eyes watching you with the same intensity as when you came undone with his touch earlier.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

You arched an eyebrow at him. “Quit staring at me like that,” you cautioned, though your tone suggested otherwise.

“Then don’t ever eat an ice cream cone in front of me,” he responds with a chuckle as he subtly adjusts himself beneath his pants.

You bite your lip, feeling a warmth between your legs again. “You know...” you clear your throat, reaching for the box of condoms he left on the coffee table, “I wonder if these things really live up to the ‘raw’ feel.”

He clicks his teeth dismissively before responding. “I think it’s false advertising.”

“You think so?”

He takes the box from you, examining the label. “I mean, we do have a perfect point of comparison,” he reasons, a smile ghosting his lips. “Should we find out?”

You stare at each other for a moment before breaking into grins and exclaiming in unison, “For science!”

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Thank you for reading!

Interaction/feedback is appreciated but *not* required. But just in case you feel comfortable enough to comment or just say hello, my inbox 📩 is open ���💎

[krirebr]

Caught Up in Your Trap

Pairing: dark!Andy Barber x f!reader

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You spend your first day in your new home. Part of the Trapped AU.

Warnings: Dark elements, kidnapping, human trafficking, drugging, training, punishment, isolation, injury, forced intimacy - Just trust me when I say that this is dark. All of my work is 18+ - Minors DNI

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Masterlist

A/N: Oh my god, you guys. Uh, happy sin day, I guess?? 🤣 Because I am apparently incapable of just leaving a one-shot alone, this is a prequel to I Don't Want a Lot for Christmas spurred by some unhinged 4 AM thots. It is definitely the darkest thing I've written so far. Whoops.

Big thanks as always to @paperweight91 who was not only the fantastic sounding board she always is, and let me ramble on about all my research into furnaces of all things but also helped me figure out the title for both this fic and the greater AU it's now a part of (🤦🏻‍♀️ Seriously, Kris, just stop!). Hat tip to Bruce Springsteen for both, as well. I'm sure he'd be thrilled. 😂

Any comment, reblog, or ask to let me know what you think will be greatly appreciated. Even if it's just screeching at me. As always, thank you so much for reading! 💜

Andy pulled up at the address he’d been given, more surprised than he should have been that it was an abandoned warehouse. Of course, this sort of deal would be completed there. He should have known from the sorts of channels he’d had to go through to set it up. Connections left over from his days in the DA’s office. Well, that wasn’t the side of the law he was on anymore. 

He walked into the large open space that made up most of the building to find a man standing in the middle of a few folding chairs. He had a neatly trimmed mustache and was wearing sharp but tight clothing. He wasn’t who caught Andy’s attention, though. No, that was you, slumped over in one of the chairs, wearing the clothes you must have been taken in. Even like this, he could tell your pictures hadn’t done you justice. You were absolutely perfect. Or you would be, once he was done.

“Barber!” the man called out, a satisfied smirk raising his mustache. “How nice of you to join us!”

“Hansen,” Andy answered evenly. He nodded at you, “She ok?”

“Oh, she’s fine. Just on enough horse tranqs to move her across the country without her realizing it. She’ll only be out for another day or so.”

Andy walked over to you. “I’m sure you don’t mind if I check for myself. With the amount of money I’m paying you.” Hansen gestured for him to go ahead, so he placed a gentle hand on the pulse in your neck, pleased to feel that it was strong and steady. He took a step back and opened the untraceable banking app on his phone. He clicked the transfer button, moving an ungodly amount of money from his numbered account in the Caymans to the account Lloyd had given him. “Alright,” he said, “the money’s in your account.”

The other man snapped his fingers and someone appeared out of the shadows, holding a tablet. “And I’m sure you don’t mind,” Hansen said as the new man tapped his screen, “if I check for myself. With the amount of work I’ve done for you.”

They all waited in tense silence for the confirmation of the transfer to come through. Andy couldn’t take his eyes off you, eager to finally get you home. After everything he’d been through, this was what he deserved. The perfect wife, the perfect family, the perfect life. And he was going to do it right this time, taking full control until he had exactly what he wanted. Nothing left to chance. It was costing him a pretty penny, but it was worth it.

The man with the tablet nodded at Hansen, who clapped his hands together. “Alright!” he said. “Let’s get this done. My men will get her settled in your car while we finish up.” Two more men came out from the edge of the room and started to put their hands on you. Andy couldn’t help the growl that came out of him. Hansen laughed. “Don’t worry, Mr. ADA, they won’t hurt your precious new wife. You have my word.” 

Andy gave a hesitant nod, as they carried you out of the warehouse, clicking the unlock button on his car fob so that they could get you settled. He didn’t take his eyes off you until you were gone.

Hansen reached down and picked up a thick folder. “Everything you’ll need is in here. Everything for her new identity, all in order, all immaculate. Marriage license. Anything from her old life you might need. Although I’d get what you need from those quickly and then burn them.” 

Andy took the folder and briefly paged through it. New birth certificate, social security card, IDs, passport. Everything he’d need to start your new life. He put the folder in his briefcase. “Thank you. Anything else?”

Hansen smirked again. “Eager to get started?” He leered in the direction you’d disappeared. “Can’t say I blame you.”

Andy cleared his throat, not appreciating the way Hansen was talking about what was his. “Yes, I would like to get us both home. Are we done here?”

“Sure sure. You have a good time now,” he smirked.

Andy gave him a curt nod and then exited in the direction Hansen’s men had taken you. There was no sign of them by his car, but you were laid out across the backseat. He opened the door and leaned in to brush a gentle finger across your cheek. He wouldn’t be able to relax until you were secured inside his home. It was so close now.

This wasn’t your room. You’d woken up some time ago (you couldn’t say how long ago exactly. There were no clocks, no windows) in the most comfortable bed you’d ever felt. You thought it might swallow you up, it was so soft. Luxurious. The whole room was that way. Beautiful. Rich. You were dressed in a satin nightgown that wasn’t at all like anything you owned. You tried very hard not to think about the fact that someone must have changed you. The door was locked from the outside, a small keypad right under the doorknob. You tried banging on the door. Yelling for someone. Nothing. A quick exploration of the room hadn’t yielded anything either – the two other doors were also locked, a dresser held only men’s clothing. So you’d spent the last who knows how long just laying in the bed, trying not to panic or cry. You weren’t very successful at either.

The most disturbing thing you’d discovered since you’d woken up here was the set of rings on your left hand. One featured a large diamond, the other was a simpler band filled with comparatively tiny diamonds. The bands were fused together like you remembered your mom’s engagement and wedding rings being. It took a long time to normalize your breathing after that discovery.

Just as you were about to drift asleep again, for want of anything else to do, you heard a few soft beeps, the lock click, and the doorknob move. You leaped up and huddled in the far corner of the room between the wall and the bed, holding a pillow in front of you. There was nothing else in the room to use to defend yourself. Even the lamps were bolted down – you’d checked. 

The door slowly opened and a man walked in. He was tall, over 6 feet, and broad. He had dark, soft-looking hair, and a well-kept beard. He wore a gray cotton tee and jeans. If your adrenaline hadn’t been spiking, you would have found him so handsome. But as it was, you pushed yourself further into the corner.

He was carrying a tray, which he set down on one of the nightstands. From your vantage point, you could see a glass of water and a bowl. You weren’t feeling inclined to take anything from this man.

Your eyes cautiously tracked him as he came around to the foot of the bed. “How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice deep but gentle.

You didn’t say anything, just kept watching him. He leveled you with a stern look that sent a chill down your spine. His voice was much more rigid when he said, “I expect an answer when I ask a question, sweetheart.” 

You ignored him again, instead asking, “Who are you?”

He took a deep breath, flexing both hands. Extreme irritation passed over his face before it was replaced with a practiced calm. He sat at the foot of the bed and patted the space next to him. “Come sit,” he said. You didn’t move. “Now,” he growled. Something in his tone made it clear, not only that he would move you himself if he had to, but even more so, that you didn’t want it to come to that. You got up and sat on the far edge of the bed. He reached over and grabbed your arm hard, dragging you into his side. You cried out but he shushed you. “Alright,” he said, “I will answer your question once you answer mine. How are you feeling?”

This was the most scared you’d ever been. You had to take a few deep breaths before you were able to say. “I have a headache and I’m a little nauseous. And I’m very scared.”

He gently took your hand in his and cooed at you. “That’d be the drugs they used to knock you out. You’ll feel better when they’re completely out of your system. Eating will help. You can have some soup once we’re done talking.” He paused, for what you didn’t know. You didn’t say anything. He smiled. “You can ask your question now. Good girl waiting for permission.” 

Your head swung to look at him. That hadn’t been what you were doing. Had it? You were woozy and scared and just trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. That was most important, so you let his comment go and repeated your question. “Who are you?”

He squeezed your hand. “I’m your husband, sweetheart. My name is Andy.”

That was the answer you’d been terrified of since you’d seen the rings on your finger. He was fucking crazy. He had to be. The best you could do right now was to get as much information out of him as you could. “And where are we? Is this your house?” You were trying to keep your voice steady, but you could hear the tremor in it.

“This is our house, sweetheart. Just outside Boston.”

Your eyes widened and your heart rate picked up in panic. “Boston?? No– That’s– How did I get here?!” This was even worse than you thought. You were nowhere near home, nowhere near anything familiar.

He just looked at you for a moment with narrowed eyes. Then he nodded and said, “Ok, I’m going to be honest and explain it to you, because I think it will help you understand your place here. But in the future, you need to know that I don’t appreciate having to explain myself. Good wives don’t question their husband's actions. Now, since I’m going out of my way to make this clear for you, I expect you to sit quietly and listen. Can you do that for me?”

You clenched your hands into fists, wanting to rage at him for how he was speaking to you like a child, but you knew you needed this information. You needed everything you could get if you were going to get out of here, so you tried to control your breathing and nodded.

He looked at you like he wanted to scold you for something, but then visibly changed his mind and began. “I’ve had a hard life, the last few years especially, I’ve been through a lot. Things haven’t turned out the way they were supposed to. I wanted a family. I thought I had one, but– It wasn’t how it was supposed to be, and then I lost even that. I wanted to try again, but I couldn’t put in all that effort without a guarantee that I wouldn’t wind up with nothing again.

“I’m a lawyer. I used to work as an ADA and now I’m in defense. In both jobs, I’ve made a lot of connections with people from different walks of life. Through that, I found a man who provides a service – if you let him know what you’re looking for, he’ll find you a person who fills those needs. So I told him that I was looking for someone to build a family with, a good wife. He presented me with a few options, and I chose you. For a hefty price, his men picked you up and brought you here. They also put together all new paperwork for you, a whole new identity. The old you doesn’t exist anymore, do you understand? You’re Mrs. Barber now, property of your husband. I bought and paid for you. I own you, every part of you.”

You saw his hand start to move toward your thigh and you jumped up, quickly pressing yourself against the wall. You just stared at him for a moment and then the panic truly hit you, but this time, it was accompanied by blinding anger. “That’s human trafficking, you complete fucking psycho! The fuck is wrong with you?!” Once you’d started screaming, you couldn’t stop. “You can’t just buy a wife, you fucking cuck! I’m a person! People are going to look for me!” He stood up and came at you and you swung out with your fists, your nails, your knees, whatever you fucking could. You connected a few times, drew a grunt from him before he somehow pinned your wrists behind your back. You screamed as loud as you could, but it did nothing. 

He frog-marched you out of the room as he said, “I was hoping we wouldn’t have to do this so soon, but you need a timeout, honey. Some time to calm down in the quiet room, and then we can try again and go over the rules. You just need some time to think by yourself.”

You tried to pay attention as he pushed you through what looked like a little apartment: a living room, a kitchenette. He stopped at an innocuous-looking door with a keypad on it, just like the one in the bedroom. He turned you away so you couldn’t see as he entered the code, one hand still keeping your wrists in a bruising grip. Before you’d even realized he’d opened the door, he was shoving you into the room so hard you briefly left the ground. The door slammed shut behind you. You hit the floor hard and groaned. You stumbled up onto your hands and knees. You heard another beep, then the grinding of a lock. Then nothing.

The room was pitch black. You weren’t even sure where the door was now, as there wasn’t any light coming through the cracks. You crawled around, trying to get an idea of the space. It was small and empty as far as you could tell. But there was a low rumbling noise that seemed to fill the room. You couldn’t pinpoint the source just from listening, it felt like it was coming from everywhere. The floor under your hands was bare, concrete. Your hands brushed through cobwebs and other detritus you couldn’t see. You cautiously held a hand out as you continued to try to map out the room, terrified you’d smack your face right into the wall. It made contact with something hot and sharp. You pulled it back with a hiss, pain radiating through your palm. You felt the first few wet drops. Shit. You were bleeding. You’d cut yourself. Fuck. “Hey!” you called out as loud as you could. There was no answer. “Hey!” you tried again, “I’m hurt! I’m bleeding!” No response. “WHAT THE FUCK?” You were screaming now. “YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! LET ME OUT!” Nothing. God, this room was already lightproof, maybe it was soundproof, too. He wouldn’t be able to hear you, wouldn’t know you were hurt. You couldn’t tell how badly you’d cut your hand so you raised it above your head, hoping that might at least slow down the bleeding. It was dirty you were sure. God, how long did it take for cuts to get infected? You hoped you wouldn’t find out. You didn’t even know what you’d cut it on. What if it was rusty? Shit, when was your last tetanus booster? You couldn’t remember exactly. Fuck. You really didn’t want to die from tetanus in some random basement in Massachusetts. A tear rolled down your cheek. He couldn’t leave you in here too long, could he? No. He would come get you soon.

You had no idea how long you’d been sitting in the dark, your knees pulled up to your chest, one arm wrapped around them, the other still held in the air. Your shoulder was so sore, but you were too worried to lower your hand. You wished you could see the cut, know exactly how bad it was. You wished you knew how much time had passed. With no frame of reference, no external indicators, you were afraid you’d lost the ability to tell the difference between hours and minutes. It’d been hours. It had to have been hours. How long was he going to leave you here? He had to come back soon. He had to. You took some perverse comfort in the fact that he’d spent a lot of money on you. That had to mean that he wouldn’t just leave you here. He’d want a return on his investment. You tried to ignore the chills that thought gave you.

You’d been crying on and off. It made you feel pathetic but what else were you supposed to do? The panic, too, ebbed and flowed. You’d been trying to keep your breathing even, trying to ignore how small the space was, how dirty, how dark. Deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. It wasn’t doing much to calm you, but at least it gave you something to focus on. 

Just as a fresh wave of tears overtook you, a blinding light came in, directly opposite you. You squinted and raised your uninjured hand in front of your eyes, but that didn’t do much to help.

“Oh sweetheart,” Andy’s voice cooed, before gently lifting you by your arms and herding you out. He half-carried you through the finished part of the basement while your eyes continued to adjust. Before you knew it, you were back in the bedroom you’d started in. He gently sat you down on the edge of the bed and crouched in front of you. You felt dazed. The room was too bright. You didn’t know how you could keep breaking the record for the most scared you’d ever been. There had to be a ceiling, a limit. You’d hit it soon, wouldn’t you? 

You still had your hand raised and cradled to your chest. Andy touched your wrist and you flinched. He raised an eyebrow in question and you whispered, “I got hurt.” He sighed and gently tugged at your wrist again. This time you let him guide your arm down, moving your hand so you both could see it. It was a little grimy and definitely red, slightly swollen maybe. There was a little dried blood, but not much. The cut was so much more shallow than you’d imagined when you were trapped in that room alone. You felt incredibly foolish. You’d thought you were going to lose your hand over a glorified paper cut. 

Andy carefully moved his thumb over a raised patch under the cut that you now realized was a minor burn. “Did you touch the furnace?” The furnace – that’s what’d been making that noise. That’s what you’d cut yourself on. That’s where he’d thrown you. What the fuck? You were lucky you hadn’t hurt yourself even worse. You looked up from your hand to see him frowning at you. “Why would you do that? Sweetheart, you have to be more careful. That was a very stupid thing to do.” He got up and walked into the ensuite, opening a cabinet under the sink.

Was he seriously scolding you for getting hurt in a dangerous room he’d locked you in?? The rage from earlier was starting to return, but it was still tempered by your fear. You did your best to keep your voice even when you replied, “It was completely dark in there. I couldn’t see anything.” A little growl came through your words, but it wasn’t anything compared to what you were actually feeling.

He came back holding a small first-aid kit. “Well then that’s a good reason to keep your hands to yourself, isn’t it?” He sat down and opened the kit, pulling out a few wipes and beginning to somewhat roughly clean your hand. “Sweetheart, I’m here to take care of you. That’s my job as your husband. But I need you to be a good girl and not put yourself in harm’s way.”

“You threw me in there!” you said, your voice starting to get louder, despite your best efforts to keep calm.

“Because you were bad and needed a time-out!” he yelled back at you. He threw the dirty wipes into the trashcan beside the bed and took a deep breath, visibly calming himself. He grabbed an ointment from the kit and began applying it to your hand. “That’s why we’re going to talk about rules now. They’re there to keep you safe and both of us happy. When you don’t follow them, something like this can happen.”

You didn’t say anything. You had to be smart if you were ever going to get out of here and antagonizing him wasn’t smart. He didn’t seem to expect a response anyway as he just silently placed a bandage on your hand and then got up and put the kit away. He came back and sat right next to you, turning so he could look into your eyes. You tried to turn your head away, but he grabbed your chin and forced eye contact. 

“Alright,” he said, his tone already so fucking patronizing. “A good thing that came out of your little tantrum is that now we know the areas we need to focus on most for improvement – manners, respect, and attitude. I did some thinking during your quiet time too, and I’ve adjusted your training schedule to focus on these things. It’ll be good for both of us.”

What the actual fucking fuck? “Training schedule?” was all you managed to get out.

Andy nodded. “I’m sure you’ve figured out that we’re in the basement right now. I have a beautiful big house upstairs that I can’t wait to show you. But you’re going to have to earn it first, prove to me that you know how to be good, that I can trust you before we can go upstairs. That’s what the training will do. I’m going to teach you exactly how to be perfect for me, everything I want, and in return I’m going to give you a perfect life, so much better than what you had before. We’re going to be so happy together, sweetheart. I promise.

“Now, it’s going to take time. I understand that. And I’m going to be patient with you. I know what your life was like before. I know that you probably never expected that you’d ever get to have this. Change can be scary. Dreams coming true, it’s scary. But I’ll be here to guide you through it all. I’m going to give you everything and all I ask of you in return is that you be good for me. That’s all.”

You wanted to scream. You wanted to sob. What the hell was this? How could this man, this stranger, be so completely deranged? Be smart, you chanted to yourself. Be smart be smart be smart. And if you opened your mouth now, you knew exactly what would come out. So you kept it shut and let him continue.  

“So first, let’s talk about your tantrum. I don’t appreciate being spoken to that way. The language and the names, it’s unacceptable. So, no swearing going forward. And I think a good rule for you while we’re downstairs will be for you to address me as Sir. Once we’ve moved upstairs, you’ll be allowed to call me Andy, but whenever we’re down here, it’s Sir. Do you understand?” He looked at you expectantly. You clenched your jaw and nodded. “I expect a verbal response when I speak to you, sweetheart.”

“Yes,” you gritted out. He raised an eyebrow at you and his gaze hardened. It took you a moment to realize your mistake. “Yes, sir,” you corrected yourself.

“Very good. As your husband, I expect you to give me the respect I deserve. That’s something we’ll work on. It’s very important that you don’t question me. I know what’s best for you and you need to trust that I will give you whatever information you need to have. If I haven’t told you something, it’s because you don’t need to know, ok?”

He paused again. What kind of Stepford hell was this? What had you done to deserve this? You took a deep breath. Then another. And another. Then, finally, you were able to force out a “Yes, sir.”

He smiled. “You’re so smart, sweetheart. You’ll be upstairs in no time. Now, you’ll start learning your routine tomorrow. I’ve taken some time off work for our honeymoon, so I’ll have plenty of time to get you settled and acclimated. We’ll go over wardrobe and makeup requirements in the morning too. Now,” he slapped his thighs and stood up, “your soup from earlier went cold, so how about I go get you a fresh bowl while you take a quick shower and get all that dust and grime from the Quiet Room off you?”

You held back a grimace at him calling that room that, as he walked over to one of the other doors and unlocked it. He talked to you like you were a child. All of this was so fucked up. But a shower sounded incredible. You had no idea how long it’d been since you’d had one. So you just nodded and let out a quiet, “Yes, sir.”

He beamed at you. “Everything you’ll need is in the bathroom. I’ll be back in just a few minutes.”

You stood and waited til he was out the door, listening to the beeps and grinding locks once he was gone. Shit. You were really fucked. You went into the bathroom and closed the door behind you. There was no lock on the inside. Of course, there wasn’t. 

You didn’t waste much time in the bathroom, desperate for a hot shower. You vaguely registered that the counter was stocked with all sorts of beauty aids – expensive lotions and serums like he’d bought out a department store beauty counter. The shower too, was equally well stocked. So much fancier than the Target sale items you usually stocked your bathroom with. But the shower felt incredible and that’s what you chose to focus on. 

When you were finished, you came out of the shower to see that the bathroom door was open. You could hear Andy moving around in the bedroom. You shuddered and quickly wrapped a plush towel around yourself. There was a fresh nightgown waiting for you, soft pink, all silk and lace. You grimaced and wondered what you’d need to do to get a pair of sleep shorts and an old T-shirt to sleep in. Probably more than you were willing to do, if it was even possible. You dried off quickly and slipped the nightgown on. 

When you exited the bathroom, he was sitting on the bed, the tray of food sitting next to him. There was a bowl of soup and a cup of water, along with a small plate with a few crackers. The dishes and utensils were all plastic. Nothing you could hurt him with. You sat down and watched him carefully as you lifted the tray onto your lap. He didn’t say anything so it must have been allowed. Your hand shook as you brought the first spoonful up to your lips. The soup was warm, not hot, certainly not scalding. Another hope dashed. Throwing it at him would only result in him getting wet. And angry. Not worth it. 

As you ate, you realized just how hungry you actually were. The nausea from whatever drugs you’d had had covered it up, but you were starving. You barely even tasted the soup, you just needed to eat. God, how long had it been since you’d had food? You wouldn’t bother asking Andy. You knew he wouldn’t give you an answer.

After he watched you eat for a few minutes, he said, “What do you say, sweetheart?”

God, he used that word like it was your name. It made you want to scream. You swallowed down all your anger and a spoonful of soup before you said, “Thank you, sir.” 

He gave you a satisfied smile. “See,” he said, “I knew you had good manners.”

You shoved the spoon into your mouth to prevent any sort of comeback. This fucking asshole. Luckily he let you eat the rest of your meal in peace. But he never took his eyes off you.

Once you were done, Andy put the tray on the dresser and then declared it bedtime. You watched him cautiously, as he went to the dresser and took out a pair of boxers and a cotton tee. He changed right in the middle of the room and you turned your head away. You caught flashes of skin, that if he’d been anyone else, in any other circumstances, would have had you drooling. It was becoming hard to breathe again. What else would he demand from you tonight?

You chanced a glance back up at him to find him changed and staring at you. You swallowed nervously. “Come here,” he said firmly, holding his hand out to you. You slowly, so slowly, made your way to him. As soon as you were in reach, he grabbed your elbow and pulled you the rest of the way in so that you were nestled into his chest. “I know,” he said, stroking one hand down your back, “that we’re both thinking about our first time together, but I’d like to wait.” He ran the fingers of his other hand down the strap of your nightgown, slipping onto your bare skin. “Give you a chance to get fully adjusted. Give us both a chance to get to know each other.” His voice slipped down an octave as his fingers traveled across your chest. Your body bowed to get away from him, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. “Give us a chance to enjoy each other.” His breath hitched as his hand traveled down to your breast, the other hand on your back had stilled, holding you close, stopping you from getting away. He moved his head as close as he could to yours and whispered, “I want it to be special.” Then, before you could try to back away, he was kissing you. It was firm and demanding, giving you no option but to let it happen. He angled his growing erection into your thigh, and with the way he was holding you, you couldn’t lean away from it. His tongue forced its way into your mouth and you couldn’t help the way you whimpered. It felt like it might go on forever, when he finally pulled back, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m so happy you’re mine,” he whispered. 

And then he was out of your space, leaving you trying to breathe again, alone in the middle of the room, as he climbed into the bed. You just stood there, unsure of what to do, your lips still tingling. Once he was settled on the side of the bed closest to the door, he called your name. “Come to bed now,” he said, and there was no mistaking it for anything other than an order. You ducked your head and climbed onto the bed, terrified of what might come next, but also desperate for sleep. This day had left you exhausted and confused and scared and so angry. It was all too much.

You tried to lie down as close to the edge as you could, but he pulled you in close so that your back was flush to his front, his arm thrown over your waist. “I'm so proud of you,” he whispered into your hair, “getting through your first day without having to go to the punishment room.”

Your mouth went completely dry. A room you hadn’t been to. Somewhere worse than the quiet room. “What's–” your tongue struggled to form the words. You took a breath and tried again. “What's the punishment room?” You caught yourself at the last minute and added a quiet “Sir.”

His hand caressed your side. “You keep being my good girl and you won't have to find out.”

Tag list is open

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[silentglassbreak]

delulu fan fantasy, not even my delulu.. just looking over bad omens photos and home country thoughts lol

Any name, any description lol but the boys never guy koala shots when they were in Australia last time.. soo so a scenario where they return an it involves some sort of trip to an animal rescue of some kind? OR some thing... and Noah having to lean down so the handler can help him DE-CLING the koala from his arms and shoulder, their claws can get you, the guys all joking about his new girlfriend maybe... but he'd rather the handler... -- up to you if you go on to make it smutty after the cute meet, maybe invite for drinks.. OR just an intense flirt... but...

Yep... koala flirting delulu lol, sorry, for, the ramble.

Fully understand if this is a no can do, I know specific place requests can be difficult, but I thought there was no harm in asking, thank you for reading just the same.

The amount of research I just did on Koalas is wild 🤣 I’m hoping this does your ask some justice!

After Writing Notes: This was cute, and fun to write. It's shorter than some of my others, and truly just fluffy, early stages, flirtations. I enjoyed this! I hope you do too!

Rating: Mature (language)

Warnings: Nuffin but good ol' fashioned fluff.

Please Please Please

“Now, let’s see if the little man likes you or not, shall we?”

Mira, our veteran Koala, who was used to our regular visitation schedule was lazily clung to my shirt, as she was most days. Her jaws crunched on a Eucalyptus leaf, not minding all of the sweet attention she was getting. The bright-eyed boy standing in front of me beamed at her, but I could tell he was nervous.

“Alright, now we’re going to just gently place her on your chest, and if she likes you, she’ll cling!” I carefully handed Mira over to the boy, no older than twelve, who shakily held her up. Mira’s claws grabbed onto his shirt, and she tucked her head into his neck lovingly.

She truly was a great performer.

“Oh my God, she’s holding me!” He exclaimed, excited, but still hushed as not to startle her.

“Look at that, mate! She’s very loving, isn’t she?” I held up another leaf in front of her, one of her small hands latching on and holding it up to her mouth.

The mother of the young boy looked absolutely horrified. “How long does he hold her for?”

“Ah, just a minute or two. I’ve got a few other folks waiting to get to say hello.” I stuffed my hands in my pants pockets, smiling while watching Mira tickle the young man’s neck with her ear hairs.

“Are all Koalas this friendly?” He asked as his hand gently stroked the plush hair on her back.

“Actually, no. Koalas can be quite territorial, especially around their young. They bite and scratch just like any other beast you’d come across.” I could see his mom beginning to sweat. “Mira here is very accustomed to human beings. She’s one of our rehabilitated patients who was not eligible for release.”

“Why not?” The worrisome woman eyed me.

“Poor thing got caught in the wildfires a few years ago, and she’s almost completely blind now due to the smoke. She’d never survive in the wild.” I placed a hand on her head, smiling sweetly at her. “So, instead, she’s our designated education Koala!”

The boy smiled, and moved toward me to begin removing her from his chest. “I think she’s amazing.”

“That, she is.” I graciously took my girl, and turned to place her back on her tree. I could tell she was in need of a bit of a break.

Noticing more patrons had not arrived quite yet for their experiences, I closed the door behind my guests of the enclosure, and set up a ‘Be Back in 30’ sign.

Once in the break room, I sat at the table, running fingers through my hair that was tangled where it ended on the back of my neck. Kylie, who had been working the python exhibit all morning, came bounding in, sitting next to me heavily.

“Eh, Charlie. You alright?”

I was chewing the end of a peanut butter sandwich and zoning out, trying not to let my mind wander too far.

“Good here. You?”

She smiled empathetically. “That’s not convincing, babe. Still thinking about him?”

Shrugging hard, I set my sandwich back down and put my face in my palms. “Why would he ghost me?” I sighed, feeling defeated. “I really thought we were getting on, ya know?”

Placing a hand on my back, she smiled sweetly at me. “I’m sure you were! Some guys are just fucking useless! He probably did you a favor, really.”

I laid my chin down on my hands on the table. “Maybe. It still blows. I feel like dating is just pointless these days.”

Kylie laughed at that. “Nah, not true.” Sitting back in her chair, she reached to interlock her hands behind her head. “Remember that Roy guy I went out with a few weeks back?” I just nodded. “Best lay I’ve had, hands down.”

My eyes blew out wide before my stomach began rolling with laughter. She joined me, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t give up on dating, babe. There’s a guy out there for you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, not likely.”

-

The day was passing so slow, it almost made my eyes roll back. By the time my watch told me it was close to the end, only half hour till, I was exhausted. So was Mira. My eyes scanned the passers by, wondering how many I’d be able to fit in before the end of the day, as I saw a group of guys reading the information plaque on the glass just outside.

One of the guys, a lanky boy with tattoos shadowing the length of his arms, was the only one of them looking into the exhibit, instead of at the description. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say he was looking at me.

That couldn’t be right, though. I was holding Mira, so he was probably looking at her.

“Excuse me?” One of them had broken off from the pack and stepped inside the door. “It says on there to come in to see the Koalas?”

He was a shorter gentleman with long, black hair tied back in a bun on the back of his head. I noticed his accent, and internally groaned. Americans.

“Yeah!” I smiled at him brightly. “Come on in!”

He motioned for his friends, the other three trailing behind. The last one to come in was the tall guy with hair only slightly shorter than mine. His eyes wandered around the trees and the pond behind me.

“Oh my gosh!” The shortest one was grinning ear to ear, staring directly at Mira. “They’re so cute!”

I looked down at the gray baby on my chest, and pet her lovingly. “They are. They’re my favorite creatures here at the preserve.”

“Do they bite?” A taller man, who had a slightly different accent that I couldn’t place, asked.

“They sure can.” I nodded, and waved a hand. “But Mira here never has. She’s an absolute gem.”

Looking between them all, I noticed they were all wearing various band t-shirts, with the exception of our large friend, who only wore a black beater. He stood the most reserved, hands in his pockets.

“Anyone want to hold her?”

“Serious?!” The shortest bloke perked up first, stepping toward me cautiously. “Can I, please?”

I chuckled. “Of course! I’ll hand her to you,” I began peeling Mira from me. “and if she latches, she likes you!”

Almost vibrating with excitement, the man took her gently, and Mira wrapped her short arms around his neck, seeming to take to him exceptionally.

“Excellent!” I clapped. “You’re a natural!”

He smiled brightly at his friends. “Check it out, guys!” They all took turns looking at Mira up close, a couple reaching out to touch her head.

“You want a photo?” I asked and the tallest one nodded, slipping a cell out of his pocket and handing it to me.

The four boys posed, all smiling and wrapping arms around each other.

“Alright, one…two…three.” I snapped a picture, but noticed a couple of them blinking. I pursed my lips. “Let me get a few, alright?”

They nodded and held their spots. As I was preparing to snap another, I saw a look of panic flash over the boy holding Mira.

“She’s letting go! I don’t want to drop her!”

“Oh!” Instinctively, I slipped the mobile into my vest pocket and reached out to grab Mira.

For whatever reason, she had become startled, and wanted out of the grip. It had been a long day, and she was likely over all of the attention. When I pulled her from the guy’s arms, her nails scratched across the side of his neck.

“Ouch!” He exclaimed, holding a hand up. All of his friends were looking at him.

“I’m so sorry about that, mate! It’s been quite the day for our girl here.” He moved his hand and was bleeding ever so slightly.

Seemingly rebounded, he shook his head and grinned at me. “No, I totally get it. I appreciate her letting me hold her at all.”

I set Mira on her tree, plucking her a leaf and handing it to her before turning back to the bunch. “There’s a med room on your way out the exit. They can give you a swab to clean that with.” I smiled apologetically at them.

“Thanks again…Charlie?” The boy checked my name tag. I nodded. He stuck his hand out for me to shake. “I’m Nick.”

I nodded. “Pleasure to meet you guys.”

They filed out one by one, giving small waves. The tall boy’s eyes carried mine just a little longer than the rest, and it gave me a warm feeling in my stomach.

What a cutie.

-

“So how’d the rest of the day go, Char?”

Unpinning my tag and putting it in my locker, I nodded before sitting down to slip my runners off.

“Not terrible. Mira scratched someone, though.”

She frowned. “Oh no. Are they alright?”

Sighing, I began unbuttoning my vest. “Yeah, he was just happy to get to see her. Group of American guys.”

When I shrugged off my best, I noticed it felt heavy, which was odd. Slipping my fingers in the pockets, I felt the flat, cool screen, and let my head fall back.

“Fuck.”

“What’s that?” Kylie had turned her head to look at me.

“I snatched one of their phones on accident. Shit.”

She giggled. “Well, damn. Did you catch his name?”

I shook my head. “No. Just his friend who got hurt, and not even a last name.”

“Mm, better put it in lost and found then.”

I stood, reaching to set down the phone. Before I could, it began vibrating in my hand, and I turned it over. The face of the boy I had interacted with earlier popped on the screen with the name ‘Folio’ on it.

I bit my lip, and Kylie noticed. “Going to answer it?”

“Should I?”

She just gestured toward me in a ‘duh’ fashion.

I swiped open the call, and put it up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“So, you have my phone.” A smooth, baritone voice came through the speaker.

I smiled, sitting on the bench behind me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about it.”

There was a soft chuckle on the other end. “No problem. Can I come get it?”

I looked up at Kylie, who was watching me expectedly. “Well, the preserve is closed for the night. I can leave it at the lost and found and you can grab it in the morning?”

“Hmm,” I heard him thinking. “I kind of can’t wait that long to get it back. Plus, I fly out in the morning.”

“Ah,” I sighed. “well, are you staying nearby? I can probably drop it off on my way home.”

“Well, the guys and I are going to Faldry’s for dinner. Could you meet me there?”

“Sure, that’s on my way.”

I heard a sigh of relief. “I really appreciate it, uh,” There was a beat of silence. “what was your name, again?”

I smiled. “Charlie.”

“That’s right.” I swore I could hear a smile in his voice. “I’m Noah.”

“Alright Noah, I can be there in half?”

“Sure, I’ll be there.”

-

The drive to the restaurant was quick, and for some reason, I felt nervous? I guess that made sense, given it was embarrassing that I managed to take this random stranger’s phone without even trying. I had a great gift for being an absolute moron. The parking lot was relatively full, so I pulled into a space toward the back. Unsure of how to let him know how I was here, I walked into the building, taking a breath and glancing around the room for the person I was trying to find.

The host approached the stand, flashing his teeth at me. "Evening. Do you have a reservation?"

Gripping the strap of my bag, I let my face fall. "Uh, no," My head whipped around more, still no luck in finding the party. "I'm here to see someone?"

He nodded tapping his computer screen. "Name?"

I closed my eyes, realizing I didn't know his surname. "Noah..." My stare pleaded with him. "He's uh, tall? Dark hair? Tattooed?"

He stared at me, clearly not following.

"He's American? With a group?"

This seemed to spark his memory, a flash of recognition crossing his features.

"Ah, I know who you mean. They're toward the back, table sixteen."

Smiling apologetically, I moved around the booth toward the other side of the dining room. Once I rounded the corner around the bar, I could see the table, more people than I recognized sitting around it.

Noah was sat, ball cap on his head, laughing at something with everyone else at the table. My chest stuttered for a moment. Now, instead of a casual tank top, he wore a plain white t-shirt. His hair peaked out from under his hat. Most noticeable was his smile, so bright and stunning. I hadn't had the chance to catch that earlier...

I gripped the phone in my hand, and swallowed before making my way over to the table. The boy I had spoken with earlier in the day - Nick - noticed me first.

"Hey!" All eyes lifted to me, and I felt more nervous than I had previously.

I gave a small wave, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. "Hello, everyone."

Noah stood, walking around the table. I handed him the phone, and he smirked at me. "Thank you so much for bringing this. I can't tell you how screwed I would've been if you hadn't."

I nodded, feeling so small stood next to him. "Of course. It was my fault, anyway."

His hand dismissed me. "It happens."

A strange, awkward silence fell over us, so I turned to the rest of the group, giving a timid grin. "Well, I'll be off, then."

"Wait," I felt fingers grab my forearm, gently pulling my attention. I looked up at Noah again, his face soft. "can I maybe," He glanced back at his friends for...something? Approval, maybe? "buy you a drink or something?"

I was caught off guard, and my face must've shown it, because his hand fell from my arm.

"Oh, uh," My eyes bounced off of the other faces at the table, who were still mostly looking right at me. "I shouldn't. I don't want to intrude."

He shook his head. "You're not! I want to do something to thank you for this." He held his phone up for reference.

I smiled, finding it exceptionally difficult to turn him down. "I mean, I suppose I could go for a cold one."

Something pulled the corners of his lips up at me.

"Great!" He turned back to his mates. "I'll be back?"

They all nodded, Nick giving him a brotherly slap on the arm. He lead me over to the bar, and pulled a stool out for me before taking the one to my right.

The bartender took our order, both of us settling on some ale before he turned his face to look at me.

"So," The drinks were placed in front of us, and I took a pull from my pint. "you like animals, huh?"

This made me laugh. What a generic conversation starter. He didn't have a lot to go on, and it was funny.

"I do. Always have."

He took a drink, and set his glass down hard on the bar. "That's really cool."

He was trying, but that topic could only get us so far.

"Do you?" I decided to venture.

"As much as the next person, I guess? I have a dog at home."

I smiled, wiping my upper lip on the napkin under my glass. "Back in the States?"

He nodded. "In California."

"Ah, what's that like?"

"You've never been over there?"

I shook my head, swallowing my beer. "Never been across the pond. Only time I left Straya was when my family would go to New Zealand on vacation. It's been a long time, though."

"New Zealand? Wow, that sounds amazing."

"It really is. It's beautiful there. And safe."

He took a big gulp of his beer, and began folding his own napkin over itself. "Well, California isn't." He said with a laugh.

I quirked an eyebrow. "I've heard." I turned my body to look at him better, studying the tattoos on his skin. "So what brings you here?"

He smiled to himself then, chewing on his thumbnail. "We had a concert."

"A concert? You flew all this way to see a band?"

He finished his drink, and signaled to the barkeep for another. "We are the band."

This made me pause. That made sense, now didn't it?

"Oh. Very nice!" The bartender brought us two fresh drinks. "What kind of music?"

"Rock music. Metal-ish?"

"What do you call yourselves?"

He smirked, staring at me from his peripherals. "Bad Omens."

"Hmm," I took a drink of my fresh beer. "that's interesting."

He snickered. "Interesting? How do you mean?"

"Sounds kind of dark."

"That's the point, honestly."

I traced the rim of the glass with my index finger, looking at him as he spoke. His lips were so pretty. And his eyes were so dark that they were almost enticing.

"I see." I finally looked away from him, down at the bubbles in my drink. "So, how do you like it here?"

He leaned forward, pressing his elbows onto the bar. "It's not my first time. It's been a while, though. I like it."

"But...?" I could tell he wasn't sold.

His cheeks tinted. "It's really hot. And the spiders are fucking crazy."

This caused a deep belly laugh to pull out of me. "That's too funny."

"Why is that funny?" He cackled with me, and I wiped a tear from my eyes.

"Ah, I don't know. A big tough guy like you being afraid of spiders? It's just funny."

He looked at me curiously. "Hey, I'm not afraid of them. I just prefer not to find giant ones in my hotel bathroom."

This only made me laugh harder, and his elbow bumped my arm playfully.

"You've got a good laugh."

This brought me back to Earth for a second, now feeling self-conscious. I contained my giggles and looked back at him.

"What?"

His smirk was silly when he brought his glass to his lips. "I like your laugh."

I shook my head. "Thank you?"

He giggled into his cup. "You're welcome."

We sat this way for a while. He continued to drink beer, but I ordered a soda after my second drink. Continuing to laugh about various different subjects, and telling stories, we then noticed the restaurant beginning to thin.

"Well then, we've been here a while, haven't we?" I mentioned as I glanced around.

"Yeah, I guess so." His eyes were sparkling when they looked at me, which made something in my stomach flip. "I've had a good time talking to you."

Returning the sentiment, I leaned against his arm. "Me too."

His mouth pouted for a second. "I'm pretty bummed I'm leaving tomorrow, or I'd offer to take you on an actual date."

This made me nearly choke on the Cola I was sucking through my straw.

"Oh yeah?" Was all I could manage.

"Well, sure. Why not?"

I raised a brow at him. "Rockstar like yourself? You've got to have a lady at home waiting, don't you?"

He huffed out a sigh, staring down at his hands. "Nah, not lately."

Chewing on my lip, I shrugged. "Then I guess," I leaned in so he could hear me clearly. "it is a shame you have to leave tomorrow."

I could feel his breath on my face, and his brow furrowed, studying me.

"I'll just have to come back soon, huh?"

Smiling, I let my stare fall on his lips. "I guess you will."

His face came closer to mine, the proximity making the air thick. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and his nose brushed against mine. Letting my eyes fall closed, I waited for him to close the gap.

"Can I walk you to your car?"

My eyes snapped open, noticing he hadn't moved, but also hadn't moved.

A shred of disappointment filled me, but I pulled back, gathering my thoughts.

"Uh," I shouldered my purse, a bewildered look on my face. "sure."

I slipped off of the barstool, and walked past him, noticing his palm finding the small of my back to guide me toward the door.

Once outside, the crisp summer evening bit at my skin. I pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt over my hands as we walked to my car, far in the back of the, now mostly empty, parking lot.

I turned around once I had reached the driver's door, intending to bid him a good night and a safe flight home, but - for the second time - was caught off guard.

His chest pressed against mine, pinning me against the side of my car, and his lips crashed into mine. He was gentle, but still forceful enough to make my knees goes weak.

His hands held the roof of my car on either side of my head, and my eyes rolled back as I molded into him, my hands reaching up to grasp the sides of his neck. He breathed into me, sparking something hot in my chest, and made me press my body closer against his.

One of his arms circled around my waist, lifting me up on my tip-toes to reach his face easier. Our lips fought for leverage, tongues swiping over each other. My brain was buzzing with the intensity of it.

When he finally pulled away from me, bringing me back down on the ground, I was breathing heavily, and staring up at him hungrily. He smiled, a sheen of moisture on his swollen bottom lip.

"Thank you, Charlie, for a great evening."

My pupils were dilated wide, and my hands were gripping his shirt, still.

"Thank you for the drinks, Noah."

Letting him go, my hands falling loose at my sides, he took a step back, looking down at the ground where he kicked at the asphalt.

"Could I, maybe..." He was hesitating, which was funny, given he was so confident not a moment before. "Can we exchange numbers?"

My eyebrows shot up at the absurdity of it. He lived thousands of miles away.

"You're serious?"

He just looked at me, pleading. "I am."

I scoffed, holding a hand out. "Let me see your cell."

This brought a grin to his face, his hand slipping his phone out of his pocket. "You're going to give it back this time?"

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Maybe."

He unlocked the screen, and I opened a new contact. Quickly adding myself, I handed it back to him. He looked over the screen, and nodded, satisfied.

He huffed out a sigh, and then held his arms open. I pulled into them, the abnormally long limbs wrapping around me easily.

"Be safe getting home?"

He nodded when he pulled away. "Of course."

I could see his regard, trying to decide if he should. Deciding for him, I careened up as tall as I could, and placed one last soft kiss on his lips.

"Goodnight, Noah."

I opened my door, and sat down in the driver's seat.

"Goodnight, Charlie."

The entire drive home, all I could see in my mind's eye was deep brown eyes and tattoos. Long fingers and even longer arms. Short, straight black hair. An annoyingly adorable smile.

What were the odds? I finally meet a guy, and I will likely will never see him again...

I pulled into my drive, leaning my head against the steering wheel. I'm just so lucky.

My phone lit up in my console, and I grabbed it hastily. The unknown number flashed on my screen.

Noah: Hey beautiful. ;)

[campoverlook-if]

Weekly Progress Update #12// 12/2/24

Taking two weeks to update again is crazyyyyyy-

Hey everyone, nice to see yall well for this fine update. Even though I was radio silent for two weeks, I hadn't stopped writing in that time. While it is a bit slow going, that could just be that the end of the year is when I get th laziest honestly.

The hardest part of writing for me is figuring out what the actual choices should be. For some scenes, it’s really obvious, but with others, I’m completely stumped on what else someone could say in that situation. It makes the process a bit challenging, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually. I think the first episode was easier because it was the introduction, so I didn’t have to overthink it. Maybe finding a beta reader to bounce ideas off of (besides my mom) would make this part smoother. Luckily, I have some good friends, so hopefully, I’ll start having an easier time with this soon.

In my last update, I mentioned that I’ve started working on the actual introduction of the campers. Now that I’ve had a little more time to develop them, I’m starting to get a better sense of their characterizations. However, I’ve noticed that some of their personalities are coming across as a bit too mature for their age. I know it's a thing that teens think they're really mature, but that's different from them actually being mature, and I don't really want them to be. It would be fine for like, two or three of them, but a whole grade? Not happening bro.

That was a ramble 🤣 but basically I'm going to rework the personalites of some of the kids. I'm begun to realize that it's okay that some of them might be very similair to one another, there's 36 of them, someone is getting the 'yeah, just change it a little so it won't be obvious' treatment.

I’ve been working on outlining some of the big mysteries in the story, and I honestly can’t wait to share more because it’s just so exciting! But, it's also been very freeing since I've been changing plot points here and there to make it all feel so much smoother. Like I've cut, created, brought back, and let hang in the wind so many characters, it's crazy.

As for when the chapter itself will be published, I’m not entirely sure. I’m aiming for a February release, but I don’t want to make promises like last time. Let’s just hope it’s at least ready sometime in 2025, hehe.

That's all I wanted to talk about, see you all next week!

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Man, it’s crazy how a setting can make such a difference with things. Like, if I get 1.5 hours of sleep at home I’d be insanely exhausted and miserable. But if I can squeeze 1.5 hours of sleep at the squad I’m like “WHOA I got SO much sleep! :D I’m ready for a new day! It’s six in the morning! The sun is shining! Let’s go workout, walk in the park, go downtown for a coffee and chill—”

[foxgloveinspace]

Gooooood morning Cass!!! My brain is against me and is making me wake up at 10 when I’d much rather be up earlier tbh🥺. Oh well I am awake now!

My family uses truvia as sweetener so I’ve never had it with sugar before, but it definitely needs some sweetness in my opinion haha. I think I use the equivalent of like, 2 tsps?? Maybe 3?? In all my cups of tea lmao, I like my tea extra sweet tho. I haven’t tried it with honey, cause I don’t like it very much in my hot drinks… or by itself😭. I want to like honey, like you look at me irl and your like ‘oh this person loves honey’ but I do not.😔 (I haven’t had coffee yet sorry for the random rambles lmao)

I have not heard of yellow deli? There’s one it seems a few hours from where I’m at tho🤔 weeirdd haha.

Good luck with your interview!!!!!!✨🖤🎉

Teach me your tea magic ✨ oh my god please 😭🙏🏼

Also I love youuuuu

🖤 @a-little-lynx

I drink this one!! One cup a day, at least for one week before your period starts, or you can drink it every day. (Link to Amazon. But I think you can get it in stores at Whole Foods?)

It tastes best iced, in my opinion. It has to steep for like 10 minutes, so it’s a very strong taste. But yeah, this is the one I drink, it works really well for me, but there are other brands out there too, I know yogi has a raspberry leaf tea cause I saw it when I looked for this one lol.

I love you toooo, I hope you can find something that will help, even if this doesn’t end up helping you. Those things that ‘simulate’ period cramps are actually things that can help make them better when cramps are happening I hear?? What is it a tens machine?? I’ve looked into those before but they are pricey.

[the-bi-writer-blog]

I’m 38 now and here are some (mostly positive) things that have surprised me about aging:

When it comes to appearance and comparing myself to other people, I’ve gotten WAY more chill about it, even though I’ve got smile lines and a few small streaks of grey.

You know how, when you visit your old high school/middle school a few years after graduating, and all you can’t think is “WOW were we ever this young?? I thought we were So Grown Up at that age, but damn they’re just babies!”

So it’s like that. The way you feel about middle schoolers when you’re in high school, or high schoolers when you’re in college - they look like fresh faced babies and you wonder why you didn’t see it before.

So that’s the first thing: age-related appearance.

How I thought it would go: wow old people are all ugly and gross, I hope I never look like that

How it actually is: I love seeing laughter lines on my friend’s faces, because I can see echoes of the jokes we shared. I love their worry lines too, since they’re proof of what we’ve survived together.

And when it comes to my own face?

It’s just my face.

I’m WAY more neutral about it than I used to be. I used to see a checklist of things I wanted to change about myself, every time I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror.

Now? I’m honestly too tired and too busy to care about something that matters so little in the long run, and I’d rather use my headspace for something else that actually matters.

(And like, ofc I’m still insecure about parts of my appearance, I’m human. but it just feels SO much less pressing now than it did when I was younger.)

Eventually you really do just look in the mirror, shrug, and say, “Eh, could be worse.” And then you carry on spending time with your loved ones and hobbies, in the home you’ve made.

Also back to comparing my appearance to the appearances of those younger than me: I expected to just feel less and less sexy as I got older, and kind of assumed that maybe older people just kind of grin and bear it if they have sex at all (lol)

But the reality is - I don’t think I look “old,” per se. I just think that everyone else looks impossibly young 🤣

Looking at college kids now gives me that same feeling of seeing middle schoolers when you’re in high school. You’re just kind of like, “Why are these humans so underbaked” 😂😂

Idk. That started out one way and turned into a ramble, but I’ve been thinking a lot about appearance lately, as I begin planning the first steps of my own transition (YAY.) And I’ve been reflecting on how many insecurities really have faded over the years.

It will be the work of a lifetime to accept myself fully, of course. But I feel SO much more calm, centered and peaceful than I ever have before, and it’s been a really lovely surprise.

Tl;dr what they don’t tell you about aging is that it’s Fine, Actually, and you will feel SO much less insecure, I promise you. You’ll let others expectations roll off your back, and stop doing things to make other people happy.

And you’ll start the long (and wonderful) lifelong process of learning to make a home in yourself, for yourself ❤️