#I have so much energy for the day after a squad shift lol

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Man, it’s crazy how a setting can make such a difference with things. Like, if I get 1.5 hours of sleep at home I’d be insanely exhausted and miserable. But if I can squeeze 1.5 hours of sleep at the squad I’m like “WHOA I got SO much sleep! :D I’m ready for a new day! It’s six in the morning! The sun is shining! Let’s go workout, walk in the park, go downtown for a coffee and chill—”

[nightwingshero]

Hi, it's the MW+Alfie anon again! (In case you remember me... lol...) If you're still taking those OC asks, I want to hear 'dream', 'no', and 'run' for whoever you want - and as many OCs as you want!

Hey hun!!! Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry this has taken so long. I'm trying to slowly come back, which I know I've said before, but life is...not great right now. I feel like every time I try to come back fully, I end up not being able to due to personal reasons. But I'm doing my best. I appreciate your support! Also...this was hard for me to choose because I love so many of my ocs. I decided to go with three (I know, overkill) because I'm currently working on stuff for Bleach, and the last ones I really messed with before that were my ocs from The Sandman, Daredevil, and Call of Duty (since MWII came out and I know you love MW).

dream: does your OC have a driving dream or goal? what is it? how far would they go to achieve it?

Helena: She has a harder time finding a purpose when she becomes...what she becomes. As a former witch turned Nightmare (who isn't really a Nightmare, mind you), she's just kind of...going through the motions of what her purpose is. Now, when Dream is captured and such, her purpose shifts to finding him and bringing him back to the Dreaming. Honestly, Helena does well in the waking world, but she would never admit it, because she knows that Nightmares tend to thrive there for Not So Good reasons. She doesn't want to be like that. But after everything is said and done, she takes her main purpose more seriously and looks at it in a different perspective (because she's the Nightmare of children, she teaches them its okay to have fear and that its healthy.) She also becomes Dream's queen of Nightmares, so there's also that.

Finley: Honestly, she's probably one of the few ocs I have that aren't super ambitious or isn't truly driven by something...bigger. Girl just wants a bar of her own to make her dad proud. She works at Josie's bar, Luke Cage's bar, and one or two more on occasion--kinda moonlighting when needed. But her family is Irish and they used to have a pub back in the day until her dad got mixed up in some unsavory individuals because he needed money. Finley was born in the US, but she grew up hearing stories of that old pub, and she just...wants to do something for her father.

Emma: I have to say that Emma Miller is one of the most stubborn, arrogant, and ambitious oc I have. Not necessarily in a bad way, or at least, she's not a horrible person. Her father was a Navy SEAL and he was an officer before he decided to retire. Emma and Marcus (he goes by Mark) both wanted to follow in their father's footsteps to make him proud--Mark went to the Navy and Emma went to the Marines. At first, it was all about making the dad proud and working their way up. But Mark only served two terms before moving on and opening up his own auto shop, which makes sense considering they would build old cars with their dad as kids. Emma, however, kept going until she went from the squad with Griggs and eventually finding herself on Task Force 141. She becomes less ambitious in all of that, and her goal is more focused on doing what's right and making sure her and her friends make it back alive.

no: how does your OC respond to being refused, rebuffed, or ignored? are they willing to accept ‘no’ as an answer?

Helena: I think it depends on what it is, to be honest. Normally, she doesn't care. Being told no isn't the end of the world to her, she respects it, actually. Helena was burned at the stake for being a witch, and it all started because a man couldn't take being told 'no'. So Helena respects the boundary of being told no, and she's not really too proud to react terribly at being rebuffed. In all honesty, I would be more worried about rebuffing her because there's a good chance that the tables will turn on you, and it will stay that way. Helena has a tendency to match your energy without remorse. So if you decide to ignore her, expect to be ignored in kind. But honestly, if you are super close to her or someone in which she cares what they think of her (Dream), it'll hurt her. She won't show it, but know that she will brood over it.

Finley: She doesn't care. She'll ask for consent, she'll make sure, and if you say no, she'll shrug it off as no big deal. You wanna ignore her? That's fine too. She'll move on to the next thing. Finn let's things slide down her back easily unless its personal. Anything outside of that, your business is your business. You can tell her no, she'll respect it, no hard feelings whatsoever. Honestly, half the time, you would have to be the one to approach her about certain things, because she's so stupidly laidback that you might have to nudge her in the right direction. But, when it comes to Matt Murdock, girl can't bring herself to ask this guy on a date. Finn is lowkey scared of rejection, so she just has a tendency to chill in that grey area of "will they or won't they" because she doesn't want to embarrass herself or make things weird. They have this weird flirty thing that goes back and forth, and honestly Karen and Foggy gag about it all the time. But Finn would rather just...not give him the chance to turn her down because there's no way (in her head) that she could pull a devilishly good-looking lawyer.

Emma: The stubborness of this woman...okay, to be fair, it really does depend on who it is and what the situation it is, because Emma understands boundaries--she's also very good at setting them herself and putting people in their place when they overstep. Especially if its someone doing that to her friends or family (and Emma's squad memebers count as family). If she's in a situation where she KNOWS she's right and gets told no, she struggles. She will fight you on it and push back, even if it gets her in trouble. Which it does. Often. Emma is also someone who doesn't like to be put in situations where rejection is possible. She prefers knowing the outcome rather than taking a risk. Emma also has issues with working through emotions--girl works out a lot because of it. That doesn't mean she can't take rejection, she would just rather avoid it (which I'm sure most people can understand). All that being said, she knows she needs to respect her superiors and when she's approaching that line, she will stand down, even if she disagrees and doesn't believe she's wrong. Emma isn't one to change her mind until proven wrong, and will definitely remind you if she's proven right. It all just comes down to the situation and who it is, because she doesn't sass back with certain people. If its her brother though, all bets are off. They act like children around each other. Or her mom. That's an interesting dynamic.

run: what’s one relationship or experience your OC has mixed feelings about? are they good at finding joy in sad things, or vice versa?

Helena: This is hard for her, to be honest. Helena...has a lot of conflicting emotions, she's a very complex character, I've found out. So I think it would take her so long to be able to trust any man again after what's done to her. But through Dream, Desire, Death, Corinthian, and Myra (another oc of mine)...I think there are two: Johanna Constantine and her mother. You would think it was Myra because of how Myra can be, but its not. Myra is upfront about who she is, and their friendship is actually pretty solid. Helena isn't really sure about Constantine though. She's definitely there to help her, they do business with each other while Helena is out looking for Dream, but honestly, she's not sure where they stand. Johanna can claim to be her friend in one breath, but then brush her off as just a business partner in the next. Helena is wary of being used, and while her and Myra have a mutually beneficial agreement where they're both using each other, Johanna seems too...backhanded about it. Not saying Johanna is terrible or anything, she just has committment issues. And Helena is fine with that, but you have to be straight up with her about these things. Helena would do her best to accomodate her feelings, but Helena doesn't like to be lied to either. Now, her mother...she was someone Helena looked up to, and who taught her what she knows about being a witch. She taught her to heal, taught her the gods and goddesses to worship, how to honor and give offerings, and also how to pray and work with them. She thought they were close. But Helena's mother made a deal with Night so that Helena could become Dream's other half when the time came, and in exchange, her mother got more power. But her mother became jealous because of this being that was far beyond them was going to have Helena and not her, she didn't like that one bit. So...it was actually her mother that convinced the man (who was upset from the rejected proposal) that Helena was a witch--her mother indirectly orchestrated her death. So...I think that kinda plays into part of why she has mixed feelings over Constantine, but I also think this is something that she's upset over, even though its been hundreds of years since then. Helena...is far better at finding the sad things within happiness, and I think part of that is because of her background and also because she's a Nightmare.

Finn: Hopefully this is shorter, but I think the only relationships she would feel unsure about is the thing between Elektra and Matt. Finn isn't really a jealous person by nature, but she...she worries, you know? It never bothered her that Matt was Daredevil, she didn't care and didn't pressure him to choose. Never accused him of lying, none of that. Finley has always seen Matt for who he is and supports him. When it comes to Elektra, she has a hard time with it. She loves that he has someone that understands him, but she also fears what her influence would do with him because he becomes more reckless with her around. I think its fair, and human, for her to have her doubts and insecurities. But at the end of the day, she will always support and trust Matt. And when she's gone? Finn does what she can to help him pick up the pieces. Finn tries to find the good in the bad, she really does, but honestly, she's...more realistic than that. She's not cold about it, she just gently lays out the facts and the emotions as they are so its better to process--good or bad.

Emma: I think when it comes to Emma, she's had a few flings in her life, but I think the only one that comes to mind is this guy she was dating at the age of 16. He was your typical bad boy with the leather jacket and motorcycle, and like...obviously her parents hated him, but her mother (Claire) hated him the most, and I think that's part of why Emma liked him so much. Emma doesn't have a bad mom nor is their relationship terrible--Emma is just a rebel at heart. Her mother is a southern sweetheart, Emma is not. She's a bit more...tomboy-ish than she believes Claire wanted (Emma REFUSED doing beauty pageants as a child). They definitely overcame that little thing, but I think Emma kinda learned a lot from that little...whatever it was. Emma likes good bad boys, and that guy wasn't it, but it kind of helped her realize that she was also...that type. It was less that she was attracted to the guy, but more wanted to be the one with the motorcycle and the leather jacket. Which is why she ends up with a Jeep and an old black Ford Mustang. It helped her come to terms with who she was as a person, which wasn't the sweet little girl Claire thought she would eventually become. Not that Emma can't be feminine, she is, just in her own way.

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

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anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

------

and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

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(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

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and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

[joel-millerr]

Righting The Wrongs

Chapter Eight of We Are One When Together

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17k (yes, I know, I’m sorry)

Summary: Reader must face her past, and also deal with something they weren’t prepared to do... be without Mando.

Warnings: SMUT! rough sex (like... almost causing bruising so read with caution), oral sex (both female and male receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, shower sex, hair pulling, aftercare, a little bit of violence, angst (as per usual), 

A/N: I make shit up about using the force lol. also, my knowledge of coruscant is based off tcw and the prequels so if there’s something in here that doesn’t fit with the books or whatever, be nice :) 

--

“Who are we meeting here?”

“Someone I used to work with.”

As you make your way through the streets of Level 1313, you’re almost trembling with nerves. It’s a little over a year since you’ve been on this planet and you had been avoiding coming back ever since.

Firstly, Coruscant is way too populated for your liking. The streets are always filled with people, no matter the time of day. Crime lords, spice lords, rookies trying to make a living—legally or illegally, families seeking refuge; nearly every single person from all walks of life eventually made their way to Coruscant, overcrowding the streets and making it almost impossible to breathe.

Secondly, the lower levels of Coruscant basically have their own crime empire. Every illegal thing you could possibly think of existed here. The black market thrived, and the smuggling business was always booming. Despite your old profession being one of the very empires that fueled this economy, you didn’t like the idea of living and breathing that life. There was always a need to get away, forget about the job for a couple weeks and then, when you were itching for the thrill, you’d eventually return. Unlike you, your crew would live out their days here, getting high and drinking more than their own body weight in alcohol.

Thirdly, the last time you were here… didn’t really end well. In your defense, it wasn’t your fault that a shootout ensued—you were just trying to get the right amount of payment for the right amount of work. It’s not your fault they disagreed and resorted to shooting their way out of the deal, and it’s definitely not your fault a few of them died…

Needless to say, Coruscant was just another planet that you ended up leaving on rough terms.

Mando stays by your side as you walk together, so close in fact that your arms keep brushing against each other as you trek through the lower levels of the city. Even during the day, there’s very little light down here. You’ve ever only known what it’s like to live so deep underground and sometimes you’d daydream about what a life in the upper levels looked like. Do they live as extravagant as you imagine they do? You were told by a few drunk strangers in cantinas that the people who lived in the upper levels lived in huge apartments, way bigger than they ever needed to. Was that true? The idea of someone living in a home that actually overlooks the Coruscant skyline is something you can’t even wrap your head around. You’re convinced anyone who lives up there sold their soul for it. There can’t be another reason for it.

Upon arriving, Mando thought it was best to leave the kid on the ship. You—on the other hand, noted that the safest place for him is with you two. Besides, trusting that Grogu wouldn’t get himself into trouble while you’re both gone is a risk neither of you should be willing to take. Reluctantly, he gave in and now the kid is sitting in the makeshift pouch Mando made for him.

“Mando, I don’t like this,” you mumble under your breath.

“Neither do I, but we don’t really have a choice,” he replies, keeping his visor fixated on what’s in front of him. “You can go back to the ship with the kid, if you want.”

“And leave you here alone? Yeah, I don’t think so.”

Realistically, you’re both aware Mando can handle his own in whatever could happen, but over your time together, you two have become somewhat of a unit. One doesn’t leave without the other. It’s an unspoken thing—no one bothered to mention it but also, neither of you have denied the company.

Ever since Mando’s confession, there’s definitely been a shift in your relationship.

The biggest change is that he’s become much more vocal. He shares his opinions more openly, he engages in conversation a lot more, and he’s not shy about showing you small displays of affection whenever he wants. When he moves passed you on the Crest, his hand always touches the small of your back or your hand if it’s within reach.

He’s also been a lot more engaging with Grogu. You can’t help but notice that whenever he holds him, Mando flexes his finger so that the kid can wrap his little claws around it. He speaks to Grogu a lot more and in turn, the kid mumbles incoherently back at him, as if Mando can understand him.  

It’s probably only been two days since Mando’s opened up to you about his favorite color—although you can’t be sure because time in hyperspace tends to blend together, but there’s been a lifetime amount of change that’s happened since and seeing him become more open and giving around both you and Grogu just reminds you of that softer side to Mando that he doesn’t share with many people.

As you look around and take in your surroundings, the streets begin to look extremely familiar. On your left, you see the diner you used to frequent with your old crew. They had some of the best sliders you’ve ever had. Even thinking about it now makes your stomach rumble.

Maybe you could pop in for a quick meal. You’re about to tell Mando about it but catch yourself just before you do.

He doesn’t take the helmet off. Kriff, how could you forget something so blatantly obvious. You haven’t even seen his face yet and for just a split second you thought he’d take his helmet off in a room full of people just to eat with you?

Stupid.

Shaking the thought of your mind, you try to ignore the sudden ache you feel in your chest.

“We’re close,” you hear Mando say and your previous thought is wiped from your mind. It’s now that you realize which cantina you’ve been walking towards, and when you turn the corner and see it, your heart drops.

The cantina you’re meeting this person Mando used to work with is unfortunately the very same cantina you used to celebrate with your squad after a successful spice run. A night full of drinking that usually ended with some random typical bar fight. Words spoken, blasters drawn, and the very rare shootout. Regardless of the night outcome, you were always back in the cantina the next night like nothing happened.

As you near the door, your feet suddenly feel like durasteel, gravity pulling you into the ground, stopping you from taking another step forward. Your heart is already in your stomach, heating your body up with haste. Stars, you haven’t been here in so kriffing long, and the possibility of getting smacked in the face with your past is something you didn’t plan.

Mando seems to sense your tentativeness because he turns his body to face you, his hand catching your forearm. “Are you okay?”

Trying to reassure him, the corners of your mouth curl into what could be considered a smile, although your eyes are screaming to leave.

Wherever he goes, you go, you remind yourself.

“I’m fine,” you whisper, passing him and squaring your shoulders just as the cantina door slides up. It’s in the early evening hours, so it isn’t too populated inside—just some of the regulars you’ve noticed that are always there, no matter what time of the day it is. Trying your best not to draw any attention to yourself, you drop your head down slightly, eyes shifting around the room, hoping you won’t catch sight of anyone who might know who you are.

Your attempts to be subtle are gone with the wind once Mando enters. The energy changes straightaway. All the chatter goes deafeningly quiet as a dozen heads turn towards you and having so many eyes on you causes your cheeks to heat up. For a moment, you had forgotten that travelling with a Mandalorian causes heads to turn and voices to hush. Of course, you can’t help but feel a sense of pride whenever you see strangers make the connection that you and Mando are together, but it’s quickly followed by major anxiety. Being stealthy and trying to keep to the shadows is damn near impossible when there’s a man standing next to you covered in what is arguably the most reflective durasteel in the galaxy.

“No fucking way,” you hear someone exclaim. Letting out a sigh of defeat, you turn your head in direction of the voice and see a female Twi’lek coming right for you. “Is that really you?”

“Dank farrik,” you mumble before they’re within listening range. Mando’s helmet cranes towards you.

“I thought you were dead!” Their arms wrap around your torso before you can even process what’s happening.

“Hey, Sula.”

“Stars, is that really you?” Another voice beckons, a hand clamping down on your shoulder, “You here for a job?” The male Rodian asks.

“Nah, not this time Odas,” you answer, angling your neck in the direction of the Mandalorian standing just a few inches away from you.

“Holy shit. A Mandalorian?”

“I’ll leave you to it,” The modulator informs you, and then he’s sauntering over to the bar. It’s not lost on you that for the first time in days, he’s left without reaching out to touch you in some way. Fortunately, you don’t have time to dwell on it before someone’s talking to you again.

“Come have a drink,” Odas begins to say, “It’s been too long since we’ve seen you.”

Your eyes drift off to look at Mando who’s in the middle of speaking to the droid behind the bar.

“Uh—” Before you can kindly decline the offer, Sula grabs onto your wrist and nearly drags you over to the table they were all previously sitting at. Already seated is Venka, a nasty piece of work. You haven’t worked with many Trandoshans, but the ones you have worked with were ruthless and dangerous. Each of them wanted blood, no matter what the situation was.

Odas pulls a chair from a nearby table and gestures for you to sit. Unenthusiastically, you slide into the seat.

“Everyone said the New Republic got your ass. Glad to see we were wrong,” Odas says with a smile, grabbing your shoulder and giving it a gentle shake.

“Travelling with a Mandalorian? How the hell did that happen?” Sula asks.

“I didn’t even know there were any Mandalorians left,” Venka mutters, clearly peeved about something.

“How much are you paying him to protect you?”

“What?” Eyebrows pulling closely together, you look over to Odas quizzically.

“She’s probably paying him in other ways, if you know what I mean,” Sula laughs, bumping her elbow against your arm.

“Oh, shut up, Sula. It’s not like that.”

Odas props his elbows on the table and leans in closer towards you. “Then do tell us how you managed to slip through the New Republic’s grip and then somehow get a Mandalorian by your side, because they’re like the—”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard the stories. ‘Best warriors in the galaxy’. So, they say anyway,” Venka hisses through his snout.

“Still hate them, huh?” Sula jests.

“I just don’t see it. Apparently, they’re the best warriors in the galaxy yet the Empire wiped them all out.”

“If that were true, there wouldn’t be one standing just over there,” your finger points to Mando still standing at the bar.

“Oh, okay,” Sula throws her hands up in defense. “We get it, you’re with him now.”

All of a sudden, you hear Mando’s voice coming from the commlink in your ear. “Stay here. I’m going to meet them in the back.”

Your body stills, wanting to get up and join in but knowing you can’t very well just get up and leave your old friends without so much as another word. As ridiculous as it seems, you feel like you owe it to them to stick around for a bit.

“Are you all waiting for the next job?” You ask, trying to distract yourself from the fact that Mando’s just gone off on his own. He can handle himself; you repeat in your head.

“Yeah, supposed to take off at first light,” Odas answers before throwing back a glass of red liquor.

“Still room on the ship, if you want to join.”

“Thanks, Sula, but I’m pretty much done with smuggling.”

Venka all but chokes on his beverage. “Kriffing hell, you’re kidding.”

Shaking your head slowly and lips pressing into a thin line, “It’s just not for me, anymore,” you say, glaring at him.

“Not for you?” He grits out.  

“Isn’t that what I just said?” You snap, feeling the annoyance itching inside you.

“Okay, let’s just take it down a notch, all right? We’re just a couple of old friends catching up. That’s all,” Sula interjects, in hopes to deescalate the situation.

Venka rolls his eyes before finishing his drink, swallowing it with a snarl. Why are Trandoshans so aggressive with everything that they do?

Sula clears her throat to ask, “So, what are you doing back here? Last time you were here, I believe you said, ‘I refuse to return to this shithole of a planet’.”

“I’m sure we’ve all said that about this kriffing planet at least once or twice, but we always find our way back, don’t we?” Odas says to you, shrugging his shoulders.

“I’m not really sure why we’re here—” You start to say but are cut off by Venka.

“So, your partner doesn’t bother keeping you informed? How nice.”

“Oh, shut up, Venka. You’re so negative,” Sula scolds.

Turning your attention to him with poison in your eyes, you ask him, “What’s your problem?”

He slams his cup on the table, red liquid spilling all over the surface. It’s not uncommon for him to try and pick a fight, so you’re not entirely surprised by his behavior right now. You’ve only ever lost your temper on him once and Tye was able to pull you away before something really bad happened.

“You’re seriously going to come back here as if you did nothing wrong? Everyone—and I mean everyone here, was worried about you, and not a single fucking one of us received a hologram from you saying you weren’t in prison.

“And when Tye told us that a kriffing Mandalorian snatched you up, we thought ‘she’s a goner’. But here you are, parading him around here like a fucking trophy.”

Caught up in the moment, you almost miss what Venka’s just told you. “Wait, Tye’s alive?”

“Yeah, he’s alive,” Sula confirms.

“He managed to escape just before your ship exploded. He was pretty fucked up for a while, but he’s a lot stronger than we give him credit for,” Odas admits.

“I… didn’t know,” your voice is low, filled with guilt.

Venka laughs, answering you with derision in his voice. “No fucking shit.”

“I didn’t come here to parade him around. I didn’t even know we’d be coming here,” you explain, then angling your head to Odas, you ask, “Is Tye here?”

Before Odas can answer, Venka speaks up. “Why? So, you can finish the job?”

“Fuck you, Venka.”

Reptilian eyes glower at you, your own are all but seething in anger as you scowl back. Trandoshans—at least the one’s you’ve had the unpleasure of meeting, are always on the prowl for a fight. They purposely get under everyone’s skin in hopes to rile them up. Usually, you’ve been able to keep your anger under control but that was mostly because you had Tye to keep you in check, to bring you back down from a blind rage. Now that he’s not here, you’re sure everyone at this table doesn’t really want a fight but that they’ll happily watch if it comes down to one.  

“Excuse yourself. We’re leaving. I’ll meet you outside,” Mando’s voice suddenly cuts into your ear. Thank the Maker.

“Let’s just all calm down, okay?” Odas finally interjects.

“Actually,” you start to say, taking the drink in your cup that you haven’t touched and chugging it all in one gulp, “I have to go. It was nice catching up with you guys, though.”

Once on your feet, you turn on your heel and make for the door. Just as you’re about to head out through the doorway, you hear Venka hiss at you, “Does he at least take helmet off when he fucks you?”  

You should ignore him; you should just take the last two steps through the cantina door and disappear. You reallyshouldn’t turn around and punch him square in the face.

But, sometimes, they deserve it. So without another thought, you’re already stomping back over to the table, pushing chairs out of your way as you walk straight up to Venka, and punch him in the nose with so much force, he loses his footing and falls flat on his back. The cantina goes dead silent—everyone staring at you in complete shock.

“Is Tye here?” You ask, chest heaving.

“Uh… yeah, he’s at your old apartment. He’s coming with us on the job,” Sula responds, stunned that you actually just punched Venka in the nose.

“Thanks for the drink,” you say to her before whipping your body around and making your way to the door. It’s not clear, but you think you hear Venka shout something at you, something with the word ‘bitch’ in it, but you’ve already made your point. It’s not worth going back to hear what he has to say.

Looking down at the hand you used to strike him, you notice three of your knuckles are split open, little drops of blood running down your hand. In an effort to conceal this from Mando, you wipe it haphazardly along your thigh, just as you exit the doors.

Mando’s leaning against the door, his hands resting on his belt and once he sees you, he kicks himself off the duracrete wall to stand.

“What happened?” He asks, taking note of how erratic your breathing is. When the visor looks down at your hands, he grabs hold of your wrist, pulling your hand to him and inspecting the small gashes on your knuckles.

“It’s nothing,” you attempt to assume him, trying to jerk your arm out of his grip, but Mando’s much stronger than you, so he pulls your hand closer to his cuirass.

“Tell me what happened.”

“I really don’t want to get into it.”

His sigh breaks up in his helmet and you know he wants to press you again, but he ultimately doesn’t. “You took care of it?”

“I did.”

“Good,” he answers tentatively, giving your wrist a gentle squeeze and then letting go, starting to head for the hangar. You linger for a moment, staring down at your busted up hand and watching the tiny droplets of blood bead down your skin.

Fucking Trandoshans, you think to yourself.

As you stroll through the crowded streets, mulling over the conversation you had with your old friends, you quickly realize that if Tye really is here, you need to see him. You need to explain why you did what you did or didn’t do, as well as show him that you’re okay. Actually, that you’re more than okay. You’re the best you’ve ever felt which makes you feel incredibly guilty.

“Mando,” you call out because he’s a few feet ahead of you. He stops in his tracks and waits for you to catch up to him.

“There’s something I need to do before I go back.”

Grogu coos worriedly, his ears drooping.

“I’ll be okay, little guy,” you assure him, simultaneously trying to convince Mando the same.

Mando shakes his head. “No. It’s too dangerous.”

“I’ll leave the commlink open,” you say in an effort to ease his apprehension.

“No,” he says more sternly, the modulator dangerously low.

“Two hours. That’s all I’m asking for. If in two hours I don’t check in, feel free to tear this city apart looking for me, but I need to do this and I need to do this alone.”

Mando sighs begrudgingly, the sound breaking apart through the helmet. “Fine. Two hours.”

You mouth ‘thank you’ before disappearing through a crowd of people, and then darting down a dark alley.

With your hand hovering over your blaster, you slip through various streets and alleys on your way to the apartment you and Tye shared in between jobs. Every step you take makes your heart race faster, the reality of the situation sinking in. You hadn’t even taken the time to consider that Tye might not even want to see you. The last time you spoke, you hadn’t parted on good terms and now that he probably knows you’re still alive… it’s not going to be an easy conversation.

When you turn the corner onto the street of the apartment, you’re practically quivering. Your heart is thumping against your ribcage, palms are sweating, and you think about turning around. No one would know you were here if you left. The chances of you coming back to Coruscant after this are slim to none—you could do it.

No.

You have to stop running away from things that need to be faced. You’ve been running your entire life, trying to keep yourself busy in an attempt to forget about your responsibilities. Truthfully, you’re tired of running away. It’s time to right your wrongs.

Once you reach the building, your eyes slam shut and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly through your lips and head inside. Climbing up the stairs slowly, you hold onto the railing to steady yourself. The anxiety is really getting to you, now.

Was this a bad idea?

Fuck.

To your surprise, the door is open. Either it’s been abandoned, or you think he’s expecting you. Feet hovering in the doorframe, the pounding in your ears is damn near deafening but you press on, taking a step forward and then another and then another until you’re standing in the hallway of the apartment. The door hisses shut behind you, causing you to jump at the sudden sound.

The place is almost unrecognizable. The furniture in the sitting room is flipped upside down, shards of broken transparisteel littered around the room, and the room’s so dark, you can barely see a thing. The only light source illuminated the room is coming from the outside lamp posts, highlighting the disaster that’s displayed in front of your eyes. You begin chewing on the inside of your cheek, becoming more aware of the possible danger you’ve just walked into.

“So, you’re alive,” you hear in the darkness.

“Tye?” You ask aloud, eyes shifting around the room, trying to locate where the voice came from.

A silhouette appears from the kitchen, illuminated by the outside light fixtures. The shadow look like him, but it also doesn’t. The voice sounds like Tye, but its’ darker, rougher.

“Kriff, you’re actually here.”

You take a couple steps forward, stopping just shy of the counter that separates the kitchen from the seating area. Tye stands in the kitchen, hands pressing into the marble surface, taking you in. As his features become clearer, your breath catches in your throat.

Your best friend since you were a child. The one person that’s saved your life more times than you can count. The single person in this galaxy that has been with you through the darkest moments in your life. The person you thought you had seen die right before your eyes, standing just a few feet away from you.

There’s a darkness in his eyes that you don’t recognize. His eyes were a gentle, warm shade of green that made others gravitate towards him. They used to bring you comfort; you could be at your lowest and then when you’d look up at him, you’d feel at ease.

Now when you look at them, all you see are broken fragments of tainted memories. Like all the pain and suffering he’s endured in the last few months has been bundled up and are now locked in his eyes for everyone to see.

You want to reach out, but something’s stopping you. There’s not a single thing you recognize about him. Hair that was once blonde is gone, shaved off. His shoulders are more sunken too. He used to hold himself with such confidence, not unlike the kind of strut that Mando carries himself with. Tye’s cheekbones are more pronounced as well, and it worries you that he’s begun using spice more than he used to.

Unsurprisingly, it was somewhat normal for smugglings get high on the supply they were trafficking, and you’ve seen Tye do it from time to time. You—on the other hand, never did. You had seen what it could do to its abusers, and you knew better than to do something that foolish. It was kind of a twisted morality code. Willing to smuggle it and let others abuse it, and yet you thought you were above using it yourself.

“What happened to you?” You ask him, completely in disbelief that this is what Tye has become.

“They said you were back, but I didn’t believe them,” he murmurs, his voice so low that you barely catch what he says, his gaze fixated towards the ground.

Maker, even the way he talks is different. Tye had the bubbliest of characters. He was larger than life, his voice echoed in every room he was in, boisterous and kind. The type of intonation that was infectious. Now, his voice is rough, it’s terse—like all the joy has been sucked out of him and now there’s just a hollow sound left.

This isn’t the man you grew up with.

The thought makes you nauseous.

Did you do this to him?

Are you the reason he’s so… different?

“Why didn’t you tell me or anyone that you were okay?” He nearly croaks.

Guilt overwhelms you. “I… thought you were dead.”

Tye lets out a noise that’s similar to a laugh, but you know damn well he means anything but that. He takes a step back, rubbing the back of his head and takes a sharp breath.

“You could have sent someone a hologram. You could have come back to Kijimi. Stars, you could have come here but you didn’t.”

Your jaw hangs, trying to find the words that might justify why exactly you didn’t tell anyone that you were never arrested, but whatever reason you come up with hangs on your tongue, unable to actually speak. It all just happened so fast.

“I had to hear from fucking Sula that you were—not only alive, but that you’re actually fucking traveling with the same Mandalorian that hunt you down. The one that shot me out of the kriffing sky,” his anger grows with every word.

“All these months, I blamed myself for what happened. I thought ‘she’s probably dead by now and that’s on me. I was supposed to protect her, and I failed’.” He rambles, voice cracking.

“I fucked up, Tye and I’m sorry, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I didn’t intend for any of this happen. Everything happened so fast, I couldn’t…” Your voice trails off, too many thoughts racing to your mind, unable to sift through them and think of a coherent explanation.

“Why are you with him?”

“He… saved my life, Tye.”

Tye crosses his arms against his chest, scoffing. “What?”

And so, you tell what happened. You tell him about Nevarro, about the Empire, about what Ahsoka told you. As you explain everything, Tye’s expression changes from resentment to almost disbelief.

“A Jedi?”

“If I wanted to train… yeah.”

“Well fuck, look at you,” he mocks.

“Don’t patronize me, I’m trying to explain myself.”

Tye holds his hands out in defense. “Whatever you say, boss.”

Wringing your hands, you wait for him to say something else… but he doesn’t. He stares at you, like he’s waiting for you to say something else.

“So… what does this mean for us, now?” Your voice is soft, hoping there’s some possibility of reconciliation.

“There is no ‘us’ anymore,” he says lowly.

“Okay, I half expected that…” you admit, rubbing the back of your neck absentmindedly.

Not surprising.

“Did you really think that you could come back here and give me some bullshit excuse and expect us to be friends again? After the shit you put me through?”

“I guess not.”

Tye says nothing else, keeping the same expression on his face. Betrayal, pain, anger. It’s all staring you right in the face.

“Time’s up,” Mando’s gruff voice whispers in your ear.

Cursing to the Maker, you want more time. There has to be something else you can say to him that’ll better explain why you didn’t ask anybody if he was still alive but then you realize, you just didn’t do enough. Quite frankly, you did nothing. You should have done something, you could have done something but ultimately, you didn’t and that’s something you’ll just have to life with.

“I should head back,” you tell Tye, who just shrugs at you. Turning on your heel, you look over your shoulder to see him still standing in the kitchen. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re still alive.”

Please say something, you say to yourself as you make for the doorway.

He doesn’t.

--

“Everything all right?” Mando asks you as soon as you’re walking up the ramp.

“Yeah,” is all you answer.

He doesn’t press you, taking note of the way you’re clearly not in the mood for chatter.

You prop your elbows atop one of the crates, leaning on it and staring down at the ground. Feeling guilty about bringing down the energy inside the Crest, you find yourself trying to make conversation, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“What happened with your friend at the cantina?”

“They need me to do a job, and then we’ll have enough credits to pay for the fuel we’ll need in order to get to Tython.”

Raising an eyebrow, you ask, “What kind of job?”

“Doesn’t matter. You’ll be staying here with the kid.” He answers dryly.

Stunned, you push off the crate and turn your body to him, facing Mando head on and crossing your arms across your chest.

“Is there a problem?” He asks, taking in your body language.

“What if you need help?”

“It’s a four-person job. They had three before I agreed.”

“Which means you’ll be outnumbered if something goes wrong,” you retort, eyebrow cocked.

“I need you to stay with the kid.”

You clamp down on your jaw, tapping your foot on the ground while you consider his last words. “I don’t like this, at all.”

“You don’t have to, but it isn’t up for discussion.”

“But—”

“No.”

Exhaling sharply through your nose, you know he’s right. It is safer for someone to be with the kid and it’s not exactly like you can do the job instead. Once again, you’re stuck following Mando’s orders.

“So then, when do you head out?”

“Soon. I should be back before morning,” he answers, rummaging through his armory.

“Where’s Grogu?”

“Sleeping in the cockpit.”

“Mmm,” you hum in the back of your throat. Noticing Mando’s back stiffen, he takes one of the blasters off the wall, and inspects it.

As you watch him examine his weapons and take in the way he twitched hearing you purr, a cunning thought crosses your mind.

Since he refuses to let you come along, you want to give him a reason to be counting down the minutes until he’s back with you on the Crest. It’s not that you want him distracted, but the possessive side of you wants him to be constantly reminded that you’ll be waiting here—for him.

Without trying to be discrete, you saunter over to the armory, making sure to graze his arm against yours as you pass by him to pick up one of the multiple blasters hanging on the wall. Holding it your hand, you twist the gun around, in an unbashful attempt to get his attention, puffing your chest out as you stare down at the weapon in your hand. You can feel the visor on you, but you don’t look up. Instead, your gaze stays glued to what’s in your palm, knowing Mando’s studying you carefully, like he’s trying to understand what you’re trying to do.

Putting the gun back on its placeholder, you saunter passed him, the tips of your fingers hooking onto his cape, stroking the fabric between your fingers, then dropping it as you head over to the small closet where the ration packs are kept.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

Turning around to look at him, you cross your arms along your chest and with the most innocent tone you can, your tongue darts across your bottom lip and then whisper, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Mando tilts his head and lets out a deep breath that scratches through the modulator, but he makes no move on you. Rather, he goes back to inspecting the weapon that’s sitting on one of the higher crates.

Okay… so you’ll have to be more unsubtle. Craning your neck to either side, you let out a small groan as you hear your bones crack, but once again, Mando’s visor stays peeled to the gun. Starting to get annoyed at the lack of attention he’s giving you, you start to wonder if you should pull back, give up and wait until he comes back in the morning, but honestly? You don’t want to give up. You know you can seduce him; you just need to find the right trigger. Feeling some courage and boldness suddenly overcome you, your feet bring you over to where Mando is standing, and come up right next to him, leaning back on the crate and propping your elbows on the crate behind you, puffing your chest out even more to showcase your breasts. He glances over at you for just a moment and clears his throat. “What?”

“Nothing,” you answer with a devilish smile. You’re almost close enough for your arms to brush against each other, but you stop yourself from closing the gap.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” he tells you, voice strained and tight.

“Enlighten me, then.”

“No.”

Inching yourself closer to him, your hand grazes the vambrace on his right arm. He makes no sound, but by the way his chest puffs in and out, you know you’re getting under his skin, and that makes you even bolder. With your right hand, you grab onto his vambrace and slide between him and the wooden crate, essentially pinning yourself between the two. Mando groans deeply, his head craning to the left, exposing just the smallest amount of skin as he does. Stars, even just the sight of his neck causes you to squirm, rubbing your thighs together.

“Not enough time,” he pleads, nearly fucking panting.

“Mmm,” you whine back, bringing both your hands to grab at his waist, digging your fingernails into the fabric just above his utility belt. When Mando doesn’t pull away, you slide one of your legs between his, feeling his growing erection against your knee. His visor looks down at you and you can’t help but bite your lip in an attempt to hide the smug smile from forming. His hands are on either side of your body, pressing into the wood so hard you can hear it crackling under his firm grip.

Leaning into his body, your neck cranes upwards and you’re forced to go on the tips of your toes to whisper into the side of his helmet where his ear would be, “If you want me to stop, just say the word.”

“Fuck…” is all he manages to say, and then you’re slowly dropping to your knees, your face aligning with the bulge in his pants.

Your hands fumble down to the utility belt, but through hooded lids, you continue to look into Mando’s visor. Unhooking the belt, you push his flak vest out of your way and find the waistband to his trousers. Mouth practically watering, you swallow hard, and finally tear your eyes away to look at the bulge between his legs. Your pussy gushes as one of your hands push against the waistband to cup him inside his pants. Mando jerks forward at the touch, a guttural groan etching through the vocoder.

“Stars…”

You pull his pants down just enough for his cock and balls to spring free, and your jaw fucking drops at the sight. This is the first time you’re seeing him, truly seeing him. In that alley on Tatooine, it was too dark for you to be able to observe him, but now? Fuck, he’s a goddamn sight.

It’ll never seize to amaze you just how fucking big he is, it’s a shock he’s able to fit all of himself inside you. Steadying him by wrapping your hand around him at the base, you take a moment to appreciate him. Mando’s uncut with just tip of his head poking through. There’s a bead of precome forming from the tip, and you dart your tongue passed your lips to lap it up, the taste of him on your tongue makes you hum.

Your free hand settles on his thigh, while the other begins to slowly stroke up and down his length, licking up every bit of precome that oozes from the tip.

“Ah, shit… Feels so go—” He begins to say but is cut off by you engulfing his entire length in your mouth.

Mando grazes the back of your throat, and your body tenses, fighting the urge to gag. You pull away from him slowly, hallowing your cheeks as you feel every vein of his cock until he slips through your lips with a loud, wet pop. Your tongue darts along your bottom lip, coating it with saliva before taking him once again. Repeating the process a few more times, and feeling Mando writhe from your slow taunt, he unexpectedly becomes impatient. His hips grind against you, practically begging for more. He’s entirely at your mercy, being the one in control right now is making you dizzy. To see someone as strong and commanding as Mando practically mewling because of you is sending you on a power-trip.

When you take him in your mouth again, instead of pulling away, you begin bobbing your head up and down his cock, the wet sounds echoing through the Crest walls. Already, you’re getting better at taking him into your mouth without gagging as much. Because of his size, you do end up gagging a couple times, your body tensing as he grazes the back of your throat, but you press on, because hearing Mando praise you over and over is intoxicating.

“Kriff, your mouth feels so fucking good… fuck… makes me want to bend you over his crate and fuck you until you’re begging to come.”

Hearing him only spurs you on, guiding him as far as he can go, and letting him just sit in your mouth, swirling your tongue around his girth, precome dripping down your throat. It’s salty, but it’s also the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted in your life. A mixture of saliva and precome dribbles down your chin, but you continue to swallow as much of him as you possibly can, nothing’s going to stop you from making him come like this.

Your panties are fucking soaking now, pussy throbbing and damn near hurting from the lack of touch. All your concentration is being focused on making Mando feel good, and he knows it. He knows this is for him, and he’s reveling in it.

“I bet you’re so fucking wet right now, pretty girl,” he pants, placing one of his hands behind your head and cradling it gently as he begins to fuck your mouth. Just as you start to feel him twitch inside you, a faint alarm begins to ring, and you feel him still.

He has to leave.

“I-I ha-ave to go,” he whimpers, your lips still firmly wrapped around his cock.

But you don’t stop. When you feel him try to pull away, your hands grab onto his hips, digging your fingers into him and trying your hardest to keep him right where he is, and begin sucking him even faster, bobbing your head up and down his length at a quicker pace.

“Oh fuck… that feels so fucking good.”

The alarm is still ringing, but you don’t care. You’ll make damn sure he’ll come, you just need a few more minutes…

He holds your shoulders, keeping you in place and then he’s backing away from you. His cock slips through your lips, leaving a trail of spit behind that falls down your chin. Before you can begin to feel disappointed, Mando hooks his arms under yours and lifts you to your feet, only to spin you around and push you against the crate, bending you over, the gun falling to the ground.

“Do you see what you do to me?” He growls at you, grabbing the waistband of your pants and pulling them down to your knees. “I have to leave.”

Your chest is heaving, arousal making your head spin as you wait impatiently for what he’ll do next. “So, go,” you mutter breathlessly.

“You want me to leave?” He taunts. You hear something light hit the ground, and then he’s pushing your underwear to the side and cupping your sex with calloused fingers.

“Fuck!” You cry out, the touch already relieving some of the building pressure.

“Maker, you’re fucking soaked,” he admires, and then he’s sticking two thick fingers deep inside your pussy, curling them and hitting that spot inside you that nearly blinds you. Jerking forwards, your stomach digs into the blunt edge of the crate, but feeling Mando’s fingers fuck you overpowers the discomfort. It’s desperate, it’s rough, and hurried but that makes it all so much more exhilarating.

“I’m gonna c-come,” you pant into surface, almost surprised at how close your orgasm is.

Mando suddenly stops, pulling his fingers out of you and smearing your slick all over your entrance and clit.

The tip of his cock pokes your entrance, but he doesn’t move. He strokes himself between your folds, teasing you. “I have to go,” he groans.

You grind your hips against him, and push your ass out, arching your back in the hope that he’ll slide inside you, and to your surprise, he does. He aligns his hips with yours and slams right into you, pushing you further up the crate, fully sheathing himself between your walls.

He wastes no time fucking you, holding both your shoulders and jackhammering into you so hard, there’s no fucking air in your lungs. Your feeble whimpers are breathless and empty, jaw fully slack as he continues to wreck your cunt.

“Mando? Where the hell are you?” A voice comes from the commlink on his vambrace.

“Fuck,” he growls, somehow quickening his pace and driving you fucking insane. You don’t even know how close you are to coming until it’s ripping through you, almost making you convulse underneath him, sobbing brokenly into the air. Your fingernails are digging into the wood so violently, you hear it splinter. Knees buckling, you’re already completely spent, riding out the aftershocks of your orgasm.

“You’re supposed to be here by now. Mando, where the fuck are you?”

Grinding his hips even more into your ass, he bends over so his cuirass is pressed against your back, his cock hitting a part inside you that only he knows how to touch. You’re so fucking full, a second orgasm is moments away if he continues to fuck you from this angle.

“Do you see what you do to me? Ah—shit, I’m supposed to be with them, but—fuck, instead I’m here,” He snarls in your ear, the side of his helmet grazing your cheek.

Tears are forming in the corners of your eyes, feeling his body weight press you into the hard surface, and his cock driving you fucking wild. Your mind is blank, your throat is bone dry—unable say a fucking word. You’re helpless underneath him.

“Pretty girl, you’re going to be the death of me.”

His weight leaves you, and then he’s grabbing both your hands, crossing your arms behind your back and holding them in place with one hand. He starts a pace so mind-blowing hard, pounding his cock inside you and hitting your cervix with every thrust. It’s the most delicious pain you’ve ever experienced. If it were anyone else, you’d tell them to stop, but this is Mando. He knows what you can and can’t handle better than you do, so you let him slam into you at a grueling speed. You can hear his balls slap against your skin, and another orgasm begins to form deep in your belly.

He grinds into you a few more times and then he’s somehow burying himself even more inside you, and you snap. A second orgasm splits you apart, whatever pathetic noise comes out of you is drowned out by Mando’s guttural groan as he reaches his own climax, his cock pulsing as his seed is pumped deep inside you.

“Mando!” The male voice shouts once again through the commlink.

Even though you’re entirely spent, a laugh escapes you. He’s just completely ignored someone calling him just so he could finish fucking you.

“Coming,” he responds curtly, pulling out of you quickly and tucking himself back in his pants.

You don’t expect Mando to linger any longer than he absolutely needs to, so with the very little strength you have left and using your palms, you push yourself upright, knees shaking profusely, and to your surprise, he grabs the waistband of your pants and begins tugging them back up your legs.

“Mmm, it’s okay. I’ve got it,” you try to assure him, but he doesn’t listen. He shimmies them back up until they’re around your waist, and then he’s turning you to face him.

“I have to go,” he tells you, and you sense some regret in his voice. He doesn’t want to leave, either.

“I know,” you smile at him, sheepishly.

Mando reaches out, both of his hands cupping the sides of your face and presses the helmet against your forehead. The coolness of the beskar feels amazing against your hot skin. He lets out a deep breath, baritone dangerously low as it comes up tight through the helmet. You press back into him, closing your eyes and taking in this sweet, tender moment. Letting out a deep breath through your nostrils, the smell of beskar and Mando’s own scent—a mix of soap that you’ve grown used to smelling on yourself, as well as hints of sweetness and musk, almost drowns you but in the best fucking way possible.

“Come back in one piece, okay?”

He doesn’t respond, only continues to hold your face in his hands. Time seems to still, and for a fraction of a second, it’s just you and him. It’s somehow the most intimate moment you’ve shared. Without saying a word, you say your good-bye’s and watch him head down the ramp, waiting until he’s no longer in sight before heading the fresher.

--

It’s been a couple hours since Mando left, and you hate to admit it, but you miss him… like a lot. Definitely more than you should. Come to think of it, this is the first time since Kijimi that you’ve been away from each other for this long. Ever since then, you’ve been beside each other, or at the very least knew where the other was, but right now? You have no idea where he is, who he’s with or how long he’ll be gone, and you’re driving yourself crazy.

You keep commlink open—just in case anything goes wrong, he’ll be able to contact you and while you pray to the Maker that nothing does go wrong, you can’t help but wish to hear his voice through the little speaker.

A simple check-in would instantly calm your nerves, but you know better than to call him yourself. He could be hiding; he could be in the middle of a gunfight. The last thing he needs is hearing your voice asking him if everything is okay and distracting him. Needless to say, the negatives outweigh the positives, so you continue to pace anxiously up and down the galley of the ship, waiting to hear that intoxicating voice of his.

The kid’s been up for the last half an hour, babbling to himself with that kriffing ball in his grip. You feel bad for him, being stuck in this hunk of metal all the time but risking both of your safeties just for a little walk around is simply not worth it. The quicker Mando gets the job done, the sooner you’ll be off Coruscant and on your way to Tython.

You could try to get some sleep, but you know damn well you’ll be tossing and turning in the cot, anxiously waiting to hear his voice on the commlink.

There has to be something you can do that’ll keep your mind occupied…

Grogu looks up at you in your lap, cocking his head to the side as his ears peak up at you, and then you get an idea.

Ahsoka had told you Grogu was trained at the Jedi Temple for years before being forced into hiding, and since you’re both bored, this could be the perfect time to practice. Albeit, you have no idea what you’re doing, but anything is better than sitting around waiting for Mando’s return.

At first, you consider staying within the Crest, but there isn’t nearly enough room, and quite frankly, you know the two of you could benefit from not being locked up in the ship. Picking Grogu up into your arms, and grabbing your blaster, you make for the ramp and descend it. The hangar is empty, now. The owner’s retreated for the night, so you don’t have to worry about being watched.

The hangar itself is much larger than Peli’s. Easily twice the size, and it’s located on a large platform that overlooks the underworld portal. It’s the perfect place for a quick getaway and doubles as a scenic view.

Sometimes between jobs, you’d come to one of these various hangars and spend hours just looking at the steady flow of traffic coming in and out of the lower levels. You’d sit on the edge of the hangar; feet dangling in the air and stare up in amazement that something this vast could exist in the galaxy. Thousands of different beings travelling through this canal, beings you’ll never know or see again, but being aware that each of them had their own life, their own struggles and triumphs, all travelling in the same place at the same time is almost hard to wrap your head around.

You settle Grogu on a nearby table and place your blaster just to his right, making sure to turn the safety on.

“Grogu,” you say softly, holding your hand out face up at him. “Give me the ball.”

He hesitates at first, pulling the ball closer to his chest, but you continue to coax him, speaking gently until he finally places it in your hand.

“Thanks, little guy,” smiling and wiggling your finger in front of him, you then take a couple steps back.

You could try to push the stone to him, but you haven’t the slightest idea how to do that, so instead you opt to get Grogu to take the ball from your hand. Holding the ball between your thumb and index, you begin to sweet-talk him into taking the ball from you.

“Okay, let’s do this, kid. Can you take the ball out of my hand?”

His head moves from side to side and his arms reach out as far as they can, cooing happily.

“Come on, you did it with Mando. I know you can do it.”

Squinting his eyes momentarily, his hands start to twist and all of a sudden, the stone flies from your hand into his. The baby squeals with excitement, showing you the sphere in his grip with pride, and then resumes sucking on the durasteel, no longer interested in what you had planned to keep you two busy.

You smile to yourself, amazed that this little creature can do things that you would have never anticipated. The thought of reuniting him with a Jedi and the possibility of having to say good-bye breaks your heart. You’ve grown such an attachment to him. Seeing him every day, feeding him, playing with him, watching his little face light up whenever you give him the ball, and even seeing the gentleness in Mando that Grogu exudes from him, it’s all things you’ll miss dearly.

Looking down at your palm, you wonder if you’ll also be able to wield the Force and carry something over into your hand. Eyes meeting the blaster that’s resting to Grogu’s left, you begin trying to clear your mind and focus only on the gun and bringing it into your grip. Extending your arm as far as it can, you take a deep breath and exhale through slightly parted lips, furrowing your eyebrows as your concentration on the blaster grows. All the white noise suddenly drowns out, hearing only the steady thumping of the blood in your ears. Your fingers are shaking but the gun doesn’t budge. It stays completely still on the table.

Letting out a sigh of defeat, your arm drops to your side. Maker, you know it’s possible, you’ve done it before during a fight, but of course the one time you actually try to do it without having the threat of death, you’re unable to get that kriffing blaster in your hand.

Squaring your shoulders, you close your eyes and once again try to clear your mind, focusing only on the Force—feeling it flow through your body, harnessing its power, and bending it to your will. In an attempt to steady your heartbeat, you take, deep, long burning inhales, feeling your lungs expand as much as they can, holding the breath for a few seconds, and ever so slowly letting exhaling through your nose, all the while keeping your eyes closed and maintaining your focus on the Force.

You crane your neck from side to side and roll your shoulders a couple times and then your arm slowly raises once again, lining up with the blaster, and transfer all the power you feel inside you to the palm of your hand, and then to the tips of your fingers. You can picture the blaster in your head. The soft curve of the handle that connects to its clip, the narrow barrel pointed in your direction. As you continue to piece the weapon together in your mind, you start to feel a strong current flow through your veins to the palm of your hand. It’s more powerful than anything you’ve felt before, and yet it doesn’t scare you in the slightest. Instead, it feels empowering and familiar. When you finally open your eyes, they shift to your hand and your jaw damn near drops.  

The blaster is in your hand, fingers wrapped around the handle tightly. Bringing it closer to your chest, you examine the gun as if it’s the first time you’ve ever seen it. Your eyes move between it and the table a couple feet away, completely stunned that you were actually able to do that yourself.

“Did you see that?” You call out to Grogu who’s squealing with joy. You’re not sure if he actually understands why you’re so giddy, but you’d like to think he does anyway.

Making your way over to him, you wiggle your finger in front of him and gently bop him on the nose. Not too far away, you see a piece of scrap durasteel on the floor. Peering down at Grogu, you shrug your shoulders. “Should I try it?”

He coos curiously and you take that as him saying ‘yes’. Repeating what you did previously, you raise your arm in front of you and focus on the small item and inhale through your lips, exhaling through your nostrils. Clearing your mind and only thinking of durasteel, you watch it begin to shake on the ground. Excitement sets in as it slowly lifts off the ground, hovering in the air for just a moment and then, it flies into your hand, causing you to lose your balance from the power of it.

“Oh, fuck yeah!” You exclaim.

“Holy Maker, you weren’t bullshitting me,” you hear behind you. Moving quickly, you drop the durasteel to pick Grogu up in your arms, grabbing your blaster and whipping your body around to point it at the person behind you. Tye lifts his arms, showing he’s empty handed.

“Whoa! Take it easy, I’m unarmed.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, you slip the blaster back in its holster on your thigh and take a deep breath to calm your nerves.

“You can’t just sneak up on people like that, and how the hell did you know where I was?”

“I have my ways,” he says, eyebrows darting up and down in jest. “What is that?” He asks when he sees the green baby in your arms.

“I’m not sure, really,” you answer honestly, looking down at Grogu.

“Didn’t think you had any motherly instincts.”

You can’t help but laugh. “Neither did I.”

Tye passes by you, heading for the edge of the hangar. You eye him cautiously, trying to gauge what he’s up to. When you see him sit down, feet dangling off the edge like you used to do, you walk over to him, still holding Grogu in your arms. You catch yourself just before you’re within earshot and put the kid down.

“Can I trust that you won’t tear this place apart?”

The kid mumbles something at you and begins waddling away.

“I’m keeping an eye on you, you little womp rat!” You shout at him, before strolling back over to where Tye is and sit to his right.

You’re looking at him, trying to find something recognizable about him, something that could show you he’s still the same person you knew when you were kids, but everything about him is different. He looks like an entirely new person.

“Do you remember the first time we got here?” He asks, staring at the portal’s traffic.

Your eyes leave him to look at the various ships coming in and out of the ports. “I remember thinking ‘I hate it here’.”

The corners of his lips curl into a smile. “Yeah, you always hated busy places.”

“They’re just too noisy. You can barely hear yourself think down here.”

“Yeah…”

Neither of you speak for several minutes. You know he’s here for a reason. Whether it’s to forgive you or kill you, that’s probably up to what you say next.

“Tye, I’m really sorry for what I did,” you whisper, tearing your eyes away from the portal to stare at his side profile. “I was being selfish, and I didn’t take anyone’s feelings—especially yours, into consideration.”

“You know, when I got the hologram from Sula and saw Venka’s bloody nose in the background, I just knew it was you.”

Rolling your eyes, you jab him with your elbow. “You did not.”

“You’re the only person with enough nerve to punch him.”

“That’s true… It felt pretty damn good too.”

Tye chuckles, shaking his head. The sound instantly reminds you of all the moments you’d tell him a stupid pun and watch him cackle like it’s the funniest joke he’d ever heard in his life.

“Do you ever think about getting out?” You ask him.

“Getting out?”

“Yeah, putting all this smuggling shit behind you and finding a nice, quiet planet to live out the rest of your days. Meet a local girl and settle down. Maybe even have a couple kids.”

For the first time since you sat down, Tye looks over at you, and the kindness in his eyes that had seemed to disappear is looking back at you, bringing you to your younger years on Tatooine. That outgoing, carefree kid that always got you in trouble. The guy who laughed at everything, who found the silver lining in any given situation; he’s looking right at you.

“Nah, I’m not built for that kind of life.”

“Life has a way of throwing you some curveballs.”

“I see that…” he says with that smile that always brought you joy.

It suddenly dawns on you that this is Tye’s way of saying good-bye. That—after this conversation, you’ll probably never see each other again. You’ll no longer be involved in each other’s lives. There won’t be any more meetups on Kijimi or Coruscant or any other planet, and while the thought makes your chest tighten, you understand why. Honestly, you don’t know how you’d be able to forgive a friend for doing what you did, let alone have it be your oldest friend. Without even knowing it, you’ve chosen who you wanted your family to be, and to your surprise, it isn’t Tye.

Against your better judgement, you lean your head on his shoulder. At first, he stiffens, and you worry you’ve gone too far, but then he relaxes, even craning his neck to lean his head against yours, breathing you in.

“I hate to admit it, but you seem happier.” He tells you, feeling defeated.

“Hey, are you there?”

Mando’s voice in your ear makes you jump. Putting a finger up to Tye, you excuse yourself and walk back towards the Crest, just far enough so he’s no longer without earshot, all the while making the kid hasn’t gotten into any trouble. You catch him waddling around the hangar, chasing what looks to be some kind of flying insect. Womp rat.

“Is everything okay?” You ask, pressing your finger into your ear.

“The job’s taking longer than I thought. It’ll take another day or two,” he speaks low, like he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s talking to you.

Your heart drops. Another day? You hadn’t even considered the idea that he might be gone longer than he expected. Does he need help? Has something gone wrong? Should you ask to meet him?

“Are you still there?”

“Shit, yeah, sorry I’m here,” you answer, trying to hide the disappointment in your voice.

“Don’t let the kid out of your sight. Stay inside the Crest.”

“Okay…”

“I’ll try to check in again, but I might not be able to.” There are voices in the background, calling for him. “I have to go. I’ll see you soon.”

The other end goes silent. He’s gone.

Refusing to let yourself get too upset, you exhale through your lips and roll your shoulders, turning back over to Tye who’s still sitting on the ledge.

“What was that about?” He asks as you get closer, using his arms to push him back to his feet.

“Nothing, it’s fine.”

“So secretive,” he teases.

A sudden crash grabs your attention. Twisting your body in a panic, you see Grogu standing alongside a pile of miscellaneous scraps that have fallen over.

“Dank farrik. Kid!” You call out as you jog over to him. Once he sees you coming for him, he runs over to you, squealing in fear.

“Don’t worry, little guy. I got you,” you assure him, picking him up and holding him close to your chest. “You’re a little troublemaker, you know that?”

Grogu looks up at you and pouts, ears hanging low.

“I should get going. Gotta head out soon,” you hear Tye say to you.

“Okay.”

You stand a few feet away from each other, shifting awkwardly because neither of you know how to say good-bye.

“Well, um…” Tye says before clearing his throat, and then rubbing the nape of his neck with one hand.

“Good luck on your run.”

He looks down at the ground, kicking it absentmindedly with his foot. “Good luck with… everything.”

“Thanks,” you answer, voice barely audible.

You watch as Tye heads for the hangar door, waiting for him to look back, but he never does. You think about chasing after him, wrapping your arms around him one last time but your feet never leave the ground. They keep you firmly in place. With your chest tight, you expect tears to form in your eyes, but they never do. Not even seeing your best friend leave can bring you to tears. Does that make you a horrible person? Maybe.

The door hisses shut, leaving you and Grogu all alone in the hangar. You feel empty, like a part of you has walked away with Tye, and maybe there was.

He was your childhood, your adolescence… he was everything, and now he’s just gone, existing only in your memory.

“Hey,” you say, trying to distract youtself. “Let’s get some sleep, yeah?”

Grogu fusses in your arms and you head into the Crest, shutting the ramp behind you and going straight for the sleeping bunk. You crawl into the cot, placing him in the makeshift hammock and closing your eyes.

It’s gonna be a long couple days without Mando.

--

It’s been a day since you’ve last heard from Mando, which means you’ve been stuck in the Crest for a whole kriffing day, and you’re getting serious cabin fever. There aren’t any more ration packs—you and Grogu have finished the last of them a few hours ago and you’re still hungry. You both need some real food.

Remembering that diner you and Mando passed yesterday, it makes your stomach growl. It’s almost too tempting. You’ll both get some sustenance, and you’ll get time to stretch your legs. Really, it doesn’t take you much time to make up your mind. One little venture out can’t hurt, right?

Before heading out, you make sure to take your blaster and a two vibroblades from Mando’s armory. It may seem like overkill but it’s better to be safe than sorry. With Grogu tucked in the sash across your chest, you head out of the hangar.

Walking around without Mando is more dangerous, for obvious reasons. Only an idiot would pick a fight with a Mandalorian, so wherever you walked with him, you knew you’d be safe. It’s completely different walking by yourself. You know the area, you know the safer spots to walk and the areas to avoid, but you’re sure to keep your eyes open and walk with caution. Coruscant—no matter the time of day, can be dodgy. Should you have checked in with Mando that you were going out? Probably but it’s only for an hour or two and the odds of him coming back while you’re out are slim, so you take your chances. If he’s somehow able to find out that you left the hangar after he specifically told you to stay inside the Crest, you’ll just have to deal with the consequences, but until then, you’ll enjoy the little freedom you have right now.

Trekking the same route as you did with Mando, you keep your head down and navigate through various crowds of people, all the while keeping your hand just above the blaster strapped to your thigh. Even though you hate this planet, you can still appreciate its culture, and diversity.

Here, you can see every single possible being known in the galaxy. From Jawas and Wookies, to Gungans and Vodrans. Everyone eventually came to Coruscant, no matter who they were. If it wasn’t such a shithole, you’d probably enjoy living here. The best way to learn about other planets and other beings is to come to Coruscant where they had the knowledge about such things, and knowledge in abundance. It’s the metropolitan of the galaxy and if you were able to forget about all the crime and injustices that occurred here, you could probably stay just to learn.

The diner is almost full as it’s now midday. You’re lucky enough to find an empty booth near the kitchen when an older looking woman comes to greet you at your table with a datapad in hand.

“Hi there, can I get you anything?” She asks kindly.

“Can I have some broth and a plate of sliders, please?”

Looking down at the pad in her hands, she puts in your order and looks back at up at you with a wide, toothy grin, “Coming right up, sweetheart.”

As you wait for your meal, you look out the transparisteel and watch as waves of people pass you by on the street, exchanging smiles with those you make eye contact with. You wonder what kind of trouble Mando’s getting up to out there.

Is he nearby?

Is he on the other end of the planet?

More importantly, is he safe?

You wish he were with you. The idea sounds almost too domestic, sitting in a diner with you and Grogu, sharing a meal like normal people. It’s probably something you’ll never actually get to experience together but it doesn’t stop you from daydreaming about it. Never would you have guessed that you’d be longing for domesticity, for normalcy. Mando’s brought that out in you which is pretty ironic considering neither of you have experienced something close to normalcy in years but then again, it’s pretty fitting.  After living such a nomadic life, moving from planet to planet, risking your life every time you stepped out on a run, it’s all led you to this, to Mando and Grogu.

“Here you go, sugar,” the waitress says suddenly, two plates of food in her hands. She gently places them in front of you and Grogu. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

“Perfect, thank you,” you say, all smiles.

Grogu starts to eat immediately, grabbing the spoon with his firm grip and sipping the broth. Looking down at the food in your plate, you’re practically ravenous. This is the first proper meal you’ve had in months. While living off of ration packs have satisfied you up until this point, there’s nothing quite like munching down on real food, something that didn’t come out of a pack. You make a mental note to take some food to go before heading out, for Mando. You assume it’s been even longer since he’s had a decent meal and you’re sure he’d appreciate it.

You eat quickly, just because it’s so kriffing good. The attempts to really savor it are lost on you. The juices from the patty nearly drip down your arm, you’re sure you look a hot mess right now, but you pay no mind.

The best thing about eating something other than a ration pack is that this actually tastes like nutrition. Ration packs are just enough to keep up your strength, but they’re not made to satisfy you. It’s just to keep your body up and moving.

Before you know it, you’ve cleaned your plate. The kid has also finished his broth by now and is giving you sleepy eyes, blinking up at you slowly. A proper meal is enough to make anyone tired, including you, but there’s still a few errands you want to run before heading back to the Crest. Before leaving, you had made a list of all the things you’ll need to buy on your day out.

1.    New clothes

2.    Ration packs

3.    Soap

4.    Food for Mando

It’s a short list but having only a few hundred credits, you’ll have to budget everything very carefully, even try to bargain with merchants if it comes down to it. Luckily, you think of yourself as a pretty good dealer, so you’re prepared to do it if it comes down to that.

The waitress comes back to pick up the empty saucers and you ask her to for another platter of sliders to go. She obliges, again with a smile.

While you wait, you take the opportunity to pick a sheepish Grogu and place him back in the pouch across your chest and walk over to the counter to wait. Within a few minutes, the kind woman reappears from the kitchen with a paper bag in her hands.

“Here you go, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” you answer, taking the bag from her hands, and placing a few credits in her hand.

“Safe travels, my dear.”

Offering her a smile, you turn on your heel and head out the door, back into the mayhem that is Level 1313.

Based on memory, you walk in direction of where ration packs are sold, remembering all the times you used to come to this very spot just before leaving for a job. Every building, every street sign, it’s all familiar. It’s like you’re taking a stroll through the past, almost seeing your old self in strangers you pass by, realizing how much has changed since you were last here. It’s funny to think that on a planet as vast and modern as Coruscant, you seem to be the only thing that’s actuallychanged. You’re no longer just looking out for yourself. Now, you worry about Grogu’s safety, you worry about Mando’s safety. It’s a change you couldn’t have anticipated but are so thankful for.

The merchant selling the ration packs cause you a bit of trouble, claiming the broth packs and bread packs are different prices—which you know is bullshit because you’ve been buying them for years. You’ve seen him do this before, to other women who try to buy packs. Why he thinks he could increase prices for women and not men are not unusual. Men tend to think women don’t know the actual price of packs and can therefore get away with selling them at a different price. It happens so often that most of the time now, women have their male counterparts buy the packs for them, since the exchanges usual end with them not receiving any packs at all, but you know his game. He’s been trying to hustle you for years and has never been able to get the best of you.

“This is enough for five packs, that’s all,” he says when you place some credits on the table.

“No, that’s enough for two weeks’ worth of packs,” you snarl back.

The man laughs at you. “Maybe on a smaller planet, but you’re on Coruscant, girl. It’s more expensive, here.”

“That’s such bullshit and you know it. Give me two weeks’ worth of packs and I’ll be out of your way.”

He scowls at you, his eyes glaring you down. “Have you gone deaf? I said five.”

Taking a deep breath, and craning your neck to either side, you press your palms into the table, leaning forward and stopping just inches from his face. “I’ll say it just one more time. Give me the fucking packs.”

“Hey, we’re all waiting over here!” You hear someone in line shout at you.

“Hurry the fuck up!”

“I can stay here all day, and you’ll lose out on way more than just a handful of packs,” you tell him, taking a step back and crossing your arms against your chest. “Your call.”

His mouth presses into a thin line. You can tell he’s considering it by the way he continues to glare at you. It’s not worth losing out on a whole day’s worth of business just for a handful more packs.

“Fine,” he reluctantly agrees, grabbing two handfuls of ration packs and throwing them on the table.

“Thank you,” you sneer, grabbing them all and stuffing them into your backpack.

1.    New clothes

2.    Ration packs

3.    Soap

4.    Food for Mando

The rest of the afternoon goes by smoothly. You manage to get everything you needed without overspending, and you’re pretty proud of yourself. By the time you’re back on the Crest, the kid’s fallen asleep. You bring him up to the cockpit and put him down on one of the chairs and let him sleep. Since you’ll be rummaging through the galley to put everything away, this is probably the quietest place for him to sleep. After putting him down, you descend the ladder and begin unpacking everything you bought today. Placing the ration packs where they belong, the soap in the fresher, and checking out the new clothes you got. Nothing too extravagant, just another dark colored tunic and some cargo pants but it’s perfect for you.

You look down at the commlink on your wrist, checking the time. It’s early evening, making it almost a day and a half since you’ve heard from Mando, almost two days since you’ve last seen him, not that you’re counting the days.

Okay, you are but that’s not the point.

The point is you miss him terribly. Each hour that passes is an hour closer until you see him again, but it’s also another hour that you haven’t seen him, and your body aches. Is that possible? To miss someone so much that it actually hurts your body? The only logical explanation is that he’s taken a part of you with him, leaving you with a gaping hole inside your body, waiting for his return and waiting for him to refill it. It can’t be that it’s just because you miss him so fucking much, it can’t be.

It can’t be…

--

You’re half-asleep in Mando’s seat in the cockpit when you hear the hangar door slide open. Eyes opening immediately, the familiar sight of shimmering beskar instantly releases all the tautness in your body that you held onto while he was gone. The relief and joy you feel seeing him after basically two days apart reminds you of something like teenage love. The inability to be away from one another even if just for a couple of days is almost embarrassing, given that you’ve tried so hard to distance yourself from the very love you have for Mando, but quite frankly, it feels fucking amazing to have someone to care for this much. The kid is still asleep in one of the passenger chairs, so you get up ever so quietly from your seat and tiptoe your way to the ladder.

Once you hit the ladder, you shut the cockpit door and then you’re racing down the ladder, jumping off of it before you reach the bottom. You heart is racing, the smile on your face is impossible to hide—not that you’re really trying to, anyway. Standing just at the end of the ladder, you watch as Mando heads up the ramp without a word, pressing a button the vambrace that shuts the ramp behind him. Once closed, the air surrounding you changes drastically. The smile disappears from your face, and all of a sudden you feel heat prick at your cheeks.

He damn near stalks towards you, only stopping momentarily to detach the jetpack from his back and then placing it on the ground lazily. It topples over, the noise making you jump but he doesn’t bother to bend over and pick it up. Mando’s got the visor planted on you, and you’re frozen in place, a pool of arousal begins to build in your lower stomach causing your jaw to slack open. Half of you wants to cower, to hide at the sight of him. A Mandalorian pursuing anyone is enough to trigger the fight or flight response but there’s something animalistic in the way he’s coming for you, and you’d be lying if your panties weren’t drenched right now.

“Close your eyes,” he says breathlessly as he draws in closer.

You obey immediately, and suddenly hear a hissing noise, followed by something heavy hitting the ground—his helmet? Before you can ask him, his hot lips crash into yours, pushing you up against the small wall that separates the refresher from his bunk. Large, gloved hands wrap themselves around the crooks of your neck, his thumbs resting on your cheeks. The yelp you let out in surprise is caught in his mouth, his tongue darting out to trail along your bottom lip before meeting yours.

The kiss is sloppy and rushed. His hands grab at your body, your waist, the small of your back, and then settle on your hips. Your own hands fly up to grab fistfuls of his hair. His locks are damp, probably due to sweat, and you pull tighter. Mando groans lowly in the back of his throat, feeling the vibrations in yours as your cunt throbs in response. He smells of gunpower residue and musk. It fills your nostrils, almost making you lightheaded from the sensation, it’s somehow the sweetest scent you’ve ever smelled.

Both of your chests are heaving, the need to pull away to catch your breaths continuously increasing. You continue to grab at each other hastily, one of his hands wrapping around your neck and craning your jaw to expose naked skin. His lips finally leave yours, although not without you trying to keep him still, and then he starts sucking at your neck. The stubble along his jaw scratching against your skin feels so fucking good.

“Thought about you… the whole… time… couldn’t… focus…” He growls into the crook of your neck between chaste kisses, already feeling the skin starting to bruise.

Maker, is it even possible to be this turned on, right now? Mando’s desperation throws you for a loop. You knew how much you missed him, but knowing he felt the same way is so comforting. He needed you just as much as you needed him.

“Fuck,” he breathes. “Need… need… to have you—"

“Stars… please…” You mewl back, hands dropping to his hips and pulling him closer to your body, his breastplate flush against your chest.

“Have to clean up first,” he whispers lowly in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. His voice is velvet smooth, like dripping honey. How can he be so gentle and commanding?

“Shhhh,” you tell him, before blindly grabbing at his arms in hopes to find his pauldrons and when you do find them, you start to detach them. Throwing them aimlessly on the ground and return grabbing at whatever piece of armor you can, you try to pry it off his body as he continues to lick and suck at either side of your neck.

It’s a little awkward trying to undress him while being so close to each other. You can’t even see what you’re doing so you’re sure it’s not the most elegant way of stripping him, and he seems to pick up on it because he finally pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours. You feel his hot breath on your even hotter skin and the urge to open your eyes almost takes you over, wanting so desperately to look into his eyes and see him.

“Let me do it,” he coaxes, barely above a whisper.

“But—”

He presses his lips onto yours once more, and just when you try to deepen the kiss by moving closer towards his body, he breaks it off. Immediately, you begin to hear various pieces of his armor hit the floor, heart banging against your ribcage in anticipation. Stars, you want him so fucking badly. You become impatient, grabbing the hem of your tunic and beginning to lift it up your chest.

“No,” Mando orders.  

Feeling his body close to yours again, his hands grab onto your wrists, placing them on his waist. Rubbing the fabric between your fingertips, you assume he’s wearing only a long-sleeved tunic now. It’s soft to the touch, just like his skin. As your fingers trail down his sides to the hem of his shirt, you hike it up just enough for your thumb to circle the v-lines of his stomach, feeling small bumps form on his skin.

Mando grunts through gritted teeth and then he’s dropping to his knees. Your hands are back in his hair, running your fingers through his wavy locks. He grabs the waistband of your pants, unbuttoning them and sliding them all the way down your thighs, lifting each of your legs and helping you slip out of them. Discarding them to the side, Mando’s calloused fingertips trail up your legs, kissing the very tops of your thighs as he makes his way to your underwear.

Placing a chaste kiss on the thin piece of fabric, you can’t help but tremble. Mando’s ability to be rough one minute and then gentle the next is quite literally mind-blowing. It keeps you on your toes, never knowing exactly what’s going on in his brain.

He hooks his fingers around the hem of your underwear and slowly pulls them down. You’re naked from the waist down and beginning to feel shy, being exposed and the fact that you’re unable to open your eyes and see his face or gauge his body language—it’s eating you up.

His fingers slide between your legs, tracing all the way up the apex of your thighs, forming goosebumps on your skin. Once he reaches your cunt, two fingers slip between your folds, coating them with your slick.

“So wet, pretty girl,” he admires.

All you can do is mewl when he touches you. Mando continues to massage his fingers between your folds, gathering as much of your slick as he can and then he’s pushing two digits inside you, causing you to lull your head back and accidentally hitting it against the back wall a lot harder than you expected.

“Fuck, that hurt,” you giggle, hands rubbing the back of your head.

“Are you okay? He asks, stilling his fingers inside you.

“I’m fine—ah shit,” you answer just he begins to curl them inside you, hitting that angle that only he knows how to reach.

Rubbing tight circles on your clit with his thumb, you arch your back, pushing your hips right into Mando’s face. Using his free hand, he holds the small of your back in place and darts his tongue out to lick at your bud. Your whimper echoes through the Crest’s walls, his tongue flicking your clit as he continues to finger fuck your cunt. All you can do is pull on his hair tighter, unable to move or squirm as he holds you in place.

Knees beginning to buckle, you can feel the stirring in your stomach gradually building, your orgasm bubbling up to the surface. Mando seems to catch this because he starts to thrust his fingers in and out of you at a quicker pace, now sucking on your clit and making you fucking squirm.

“Ma-Mando, I’m g-gon-nna come soon,” you tell him, voice breaking.

He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he flings one of your legs over his shoulder, spreading your legs apart and lapping you up with even more fervor. You’re basically quivering now, climax getting closer and closer, and Mando knows it. He knows your body better than anyone else, better than you know yourself.

“Shit, ah-fuck, Mando…”

Right as you feel yourself about to release, Mando pulls his fingers out of you and his tongue leaves your clit, placing a chaste kiss on your inner thigh and then rising to his feet. It’s damn near impossible to hide your disappointment. It’s infuriating—being so fucking close to release, only to be denied at the very last second.

“Why—” You begin to ask but the rest of your question is silenced by his lips crushing onto yours. His tongue finds yours and you can taste yourself.

“Shhhh,” he whispers onto your lips, and then he’s pressing his body on yours once again, arms wrapped around your back as he carries you into the fresher.

The space is just big enough to fit you both, your bodies practically stuck together. Your eyes are still closed and that only adds to the intimacy. His hands grab onto the hem of your tunic and he instructs you to lift your arms. You do as your told and he lifts the shirt above your head, discarding it at your feet. You stand there, naked and fully at his mercy.

“You can open your eyes,” he says just after hearing the door slide shut. At first, you hesitate, unsure if the room really is pitch black or if he’s trusting you enough to look at his face. When you finally do open your eyes, you can’t see a damn thing. The light inside the fresher is off and you feel a sudden rush of relief and disappointment wash over you because of course he’d make sure the room was dark enough so you couldn’t see his features. Why would you think he’d be comfortable enough to show you his face?

You don’t have time to dwell on it because he’s already pushing you up against the wall, hands resting on the wall to either side of your face and sucking at your neck once again. The skin is tender, little bruises protruding along the sides of your neck, but Mando is mindful enough to be gentle. Then his mouth trails down your neck, giving chaste kisses along your clavicle, travelling down just above your breasts, cupping the flesh with his hands. With his thumb and index, he rolls your nipple, pinching the skin and then giving it a gentle nip with his teeth.

“Maker…” you whisper in awe. No one has ever been so tender with you. With all your previous sexual encounters, you’ve made it clear that it was purely about sex—nothing more. With Mando, everything is different. Neither of you are in a rush. You take time to understand each other’s bodies; what makes you writhe, what makes you scream, what makes you come. It’s about what will bring out the most pleasure in each other. You could both spend the rest of your lives learning everything about each other, from the curves in your skin, to each birth mark, to each scar.

He pulls away momentarily and using what little time you have; you grab only his hips and spin you both around, so he’s flush against the wall. Your fingers grab onto the bottom of his shirt once more.

“Can I?” You ask him tenderly.

Mando says nothing and you take that as him consenting. You hike up his shirt just a little bit, waiting for him to either stop you or allow you, and when he lifts his arms up so you can remove it, you throw it on the ground, somewhere close to where your own shirt is. You stand just inches apart from each other, neither of you are able to see the other. Wrapping your arms around his biceps, feeling the curve of his muscles as your fingers trace down his arms, across his chest.

His chest is covered in marks, scars from previous battles he’s fought in. Your fingers brush over his pecks, down the centre of his stomach, all the way to the small trail of hair that meets his shaft. When your hands settle on the waistband of his trousers, you unbuckle them and begin to push them down. He helps you a bit, stepping out of his pants.

In the fresher, you’re both fully exposed, completely vulnerable in a way you’ve never been before. The last time you were in here together, it was after the first time you had sex. That was different. You were both still dazed in the aftermath of what happened, neither of you fully aware of each other’s own nakedness, but now it’s so different. You’re not only aware of each other’s vulnerability but you’re relishing in it.

Mando turns the water on. A warm, steady stream cascades over your bodies. Steam from the warm water quickly fills the air, blending with each other’s body heat. Within seconds, you’re both soaked and for the first time, you’re the one who leans in for a kiss. For the first time, you’re the one with the courage to plant your lips on his, to catch him off guard. Mando groans in his throat, catching the sound in your own and swallowing it. With your hands placed on either cheek, you think this might be the first time anyone’s actually held his face and Maker, how fucking lucky you are to be the one to do this. He’s opened himself up to you; something he’s never done with another soul. You might not know what his face looks like, but you’re able to make out enough of his features by touching them. The sharp cut of his jawline where you feel his stubble, his moustache has tickles and pricks at your skin whenever he kisses you. The curve and bump of his nose as it clashes against yours, it’s enough for you to paint a picture of what you think he looks like, and if he looks anything like what you’ve made up in your mind, it’s a damn shame that the helmet covers up something so breathtaking.

You lean down to plant a kiss on one of his pecks, feeling the goosebumps form right where your lips meet his skin. There are a million things you want to tell him: how much you care for him and Grogu, how much he’s changed your life, how thankful you are to have him by your side. All these things you’ll probably never be able to tell him because expressing how you feel about someone has always been something you struggled with.

Although, you get the feeling Mando is in the same boat. Like he too is carrying the very same confessions as you that he too is unable to express. Maybe you’ll never know how he truly feels about you, just like he might never know exactly how you feel about him, but sometimes, words aren’t necessary. It’s more about the way you lean on one another, the way you touch one another. It’s your own way of communicating. Expressing yourselves through each other’s actions—that’s what draws you together.

He deepens the kiss, wrapping his large arms around your waist and pulling you to him as close as he can. Sloshing your mouths together, darting each other’s tongues, lips saturated in each other’s spit, it’s the most chaotic, desperate kiss you’ve ever had. When you finally pull away, chests are heaving, you’re both practically panting into each other’s mouths.

Mando takes a small step forward, hooking his hands under your arms and lifting you off the ground. You lock your legs around his waist, feeling his rock-hard cock grind against your stomach and then, your back’s on the wall again. His large hands cup your ass, digging half-moons into your skin as he nips at your shoulder.

“Fuck me … please,” you pant in his ear. His cock twitches, feeling drops of precome paint your stomach.

He wastes no time obliging as one of his hands lets go of you to align himself with your entrance. You wait impatiently for him to fill you up.

His head pokes at your entrance and immediately you feel your pussy gush. Bucking your hips forward, you push his head inside you, a pathetic mewl escaping your lips.

“Impatient,” he scolds and thrusts himself inside you all the way to the hilt. “Fu-u-uck,” he grits, biting back a moan.

Your head drops down to rest on his shoulder, arms crossed around his neck. Mando doesn’t move at first, letting your walls acclimate to his size. When he feels you relax around him, he begins to slowly grind his hips against yours, making sure you feel every fucking inch of him inside you. Trying to stifle your moans, you bite down on his shoulder and he whimpers at the sensation, driving himself even deeper, hitting your cervix.

“Fuck!” You cry out, head lulling back to hit the wall behind you.

Mando begins properly moving, slamming into you at a fast pace. The sound of skin slapping skin is only exacerbated by the water still pouring down over your bodies.

“Ah s-shit… fuck, your pussy feels so fucking good,” Mando says through gritted teeth. You clench your legs around his waist and feel him grind his hips in response. “Kriff…”

He stills inside you for a moment, and you start to wonder if he came prematurely. When you open your mouth to say something, he answers the question before you can ask it.

“I didn’t come, don’t worry,” he mumbles breathlessly, and then he’s pulling out of you.

It’s stupid but you feel empty. You already miss the feeling of his cock stretching your walls, the way he fills you up so perfectly, like you were made to take him.

Your feet touch the ground, and you only have a moment to catch your breath before his lips are on yours. Tongues darting out to catch each other’s; it’s a wet, sloppy kiss, but with his hands cupping your face, hands that almost cover your face entirely, it nearly throws you for a loop.

He pulls away just far enough so you can still feel his breath on your lips, “I’m nowhere near done with you.”

Maker, you could feel your orgasm creeping up on you just from his words. Turning you around so that you’re facing the wall, you hear him spit and then his cock is teasing your entrance again. Rubbing his length between your folds a couple times, slathering it with your slick, he lines himself up and slams into you with as much force as he can, knocking the air right out of your lungs as your cheek clashes with the durasteel wall.

His hands find their way to your hair, and he grabs as much of it as he can and pulls, forcing you to arch your back and steady yourself by holding onto the wall in front of you. The rhythm he sets is so brutal and rough, the only thing you can hear are his balls slapping against your clit. Your throat is raw, unable to make a single sound. Wrenching your eyes shut, the way his cock hits that spot inside you is making you see stars. There’s something desperate in the way he’s fucking you. The day and a half without you seemed to have really taken its toll on him, and now he’s taking it out on you. You’d let him leave without a fight if it meant you’d get fucked like this whenever he came back. Feeling your slick drip down your thighs, you know you’re so close to coming.

“Ma-ando, I’m go-o-onna c-c-come.”

“Good girl,” he praises.

When you finally come, the cries burn your throat, raw and broken. Mando fucks you all the way through it, never once relenting his rhythm, pushing as many whimpers and screams out of you as he can. Your body nearly convulses from the sheer power of your climax, exploding pleasure from every nerve-ending inside of you. Maker, you’re fucking spent. Knees barely able to keep you standing, almost going limp as you come down from your orgasm.

“Come again for me, pretty girl,” he says gently, dropping one of his hands to spread your legs and cup your sex.

“I-I can’t,” you answer with a trembling voice, making a feeble attempt to close your legs.

“Yes, you can,” he hums, forcing your legs open and using two fingers to rub your clit.

You squirm underneath him, the overstimulation really hitting you as the rhythm on your bud gets faster and faster. Your cunt is fucking worn out, you’re barely able to take any more pleasure but you refuse to let Mando down. You want to make him proud. Taking a shaky breath, you attempt to relax your trembling thighs and within seconds you’re coming again, biting down on your bottom lip so hard, you’re sure you’ll end up breaking skin.

Mando makes a guttural noise, a purely animalistic groan as he feels you come around his cock. “Fuck, yes… good girl,” he growls with praise.

Grabbing your upper arms, he pulls you upright and flush against his chest, peppering wet, messy kisses along the nape of your neck. Your arm wraps around the back of his neck, pulling at his wet hair. His cock drives into you at a ruthless pace, and then he finally stills inside of you. Pulsing between your walls, he pumps his seed deep in your pussy, moaning your name into your ear.

When his hold on you slackens, you nearly double over and fall to the ground. He pulls out of you quickly and lifts you back up to your feet. Turning you around gingerly to face him, he leans you up against the wall.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He says with his hands on your face, a hint of guilt lingering on his lips.

You’re pretty sure your eyes are closed but you can’t be sure. Everything is so dark, your mind fuzzy. “No, ‘m okay,” you answer sheepishly.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m okay, Mando.”

Feeling his forehead press yours, he plants a chaste kiss on your lips. If you had any energy left, you’d kiss him back but you’re teetering the line between consciousness and unconsciousness, too fucking exhausted to move any of your muscles.

After that, your mind goes… fuzzy.

It hits you in flashes.

You vaguely remember Mando cleaning you both up.

The water turning off.

Being guided out of the fresher.

Something being wrapped around your body—soft and warm, his cape probably.

Him slowly putting you down on the floor…

Someone warm close to you.

And then you fall asleep, the last thing you remember is feeling calloused fingertips grazing up and down your back.

[breathings-of-the-heart]

Imagine Levi Confessing his Love for You

A/N: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ THE TEXT BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING THANK YOU :))

HERE IS A TIMELINE /  EXPLANATION / BACKGROUND INFORMATION BECAUSE CASE THE TIME SKIPS OF THIS STORY ARE CONFUSING: I’m sorry for that everyone, I know the dates are sloppy and as a whole this fic doesn’t make too much sense; I tried to edit this piece as best I could to make the story as easy to follow as possible, but seeing as I can’t unpublish part 1 or 2, the cleanup still leaves things bit unclear. These imagines were originally chapters of a longer Levi x Reader fic that I decided to discontinue, which is why there are so many loose ends. Here was my original intention for this story, broken down for the few who choose to read the Author’s Notes lol.

We are going to do this in the order of the 3 part fic (I also put attached all the links to the titles)

Part 1: Imagine Relating to Mikasa About Loving Someone in the Military

The scene is set during the events of SEASON 1 of Attack on Titan, BEFORE the Female Titan Arc. (Y/N) was also hand selected by Levi to be part of the original Special Operation Squad; she bit her hand at the dinner table along with Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo to show their dedication and understanding towards Eren wayyy back in the beginning of the series. The Survey Corps is making preparations for their first attempt to go to Shiganshina since the Fall of Wall Maria and not only uncover the mole who killed captive titans Sonny and Bean, but also to get to Eren’s basement.

Part 2: To Love Another

The flashback and opening scene in the beginning of this writing piece (where (Y/N) and Hange are talking to each other) occurs shortly after (Y/N) wakes up in the infirmary room, before anyone breaks the news that she, aside from an injured Levi, is the last surviving member of Squad Levi after Annie killed the others in the Forest of Giant Trees in her female titan form. Hange’s intentions were to bring the (Y/N) and Levi together so they would be able to support each other during this mutual loss. But alas, (Y/N) accepts his rejection and the two suffer the aftermath of this tragic news alone. To read this arc for context/bonus content to get a better understanding of this mini series, see my posts (as a sort of prequel, if you will) Imagine Levi Finding you Injured on an Expedition and Imagine Being the Last Member of Squad Levi To Survive to fill that time gap :)

In real-time, all of Season 2 and Season 3 Part 1 have gone by with limited interaction between (Y/N) and Levi. This part of the story is occurring during Season 3 PART 2, (spoilers) after the Coup D'etat, and after Historia becomes Queen. (Y/N) is no longer an active soldier, having sustained injuries too severe to be reliable in combat. She remains useful to the Corps as a battle strategist, however, which allows her to stay. The Scouting Regiment is currently preparing to go to Eren’s basement in their second attempt, knowing Reiner and Berthold will be waiting for them there.

Part 3: Imagine Levi Confessing his Love for You (YOU ARE HERE)

This part takes place pretty much a week or so after the events of “To Love Another.” It is revealed how much (Y/N) has isolated herself in the months between Parts 1 and 2 from not only Levi, but Hange, the only one besides Mikasa who knew about her feelings for Levi prior to their falling out. (Y/N) confesses her feelings for Levi before the mission to Shiganshina in Season one, and the fic parallels itself and comes full circle once their final interaction occurs before the second and final mission to Shiganshina, for which, (Y/N) is unable to go for her death would be almost certain. She seen to be more valuable inside the walls, where she can carry on the duties of the Survey Corps should the entire regiment collapse during the mission. This is the final part :)

I HOPE THAT CLEARS THINGS UP!

requested by @a-single-uwo @dracq and @little-diva-gurl and a lovely anon who def isn’t the happiest that this took so long. Deepest apologies! Hope this was worth the wait. I also hope this post finds everyone safe and in good health during these crazy times <3

~~~~~

Dread bottled up in the bottom of your stomach, which threatened to fall down to your knees. Even Hange’s eyes brimmed with concern when she informed you that Levi requested your presence in his office; all of which was out of the blue, uncharacteristic, after months of him being accustomed to giving you your space.

Feigning annoyance, you stared at the soldier dummy two paces ahead, dented heavily with the marks of your punches. The sun was beating down on the early autumn day, and heat waves rose from the ground. It illuminated the glistening perspiration sliding down your figure, torso rising and falling in short breaths of exhaustion.

Hange watched you carefully from a distance. She noticed your tense muscles, clad in a sports bra and boxing shorts; the lack of attire made it impossible to hide the sudden tension and stiffness embedded in your lean muscles, a tell tale sign of distress. As a creature of observation and analytics, the Squad Leader could sense your discomfort as if it was written across your forehead.

The brunette watched you wipe the sweat off your forehead and yell in frustration, turning towards her direction and moving to land a kick at her head.

Unfazed and in possession of sharp reflexes, Hange took a step back, only to watch as you twisted mid-air and landed a 360 Crescent kick to the dummy-shaped bag, which broke open on impact under the force of the blow. Sand poured out of its opening and spilled onto the ground in a steady stream that grew less heavy as the seconds passed.

“I’ll have to admit, you are getting better, but (Y/N), don’t get your hopes up,” Hange cautioned. “The problem does not reside in your muscles. No matter how well you learn to fight like you used to, Annie crushed your ribs and threw you to the ground: it's your lungs that will never recover. You can’t come with us to Shiganshina tomorrow like this.”

Hunched over with hands on your knees, you regained a regular breathing pattern and began to feel the explosive pain in your chest. Airways blocked, you began coughing, willing the oxygen to enter your body.

“Let me humor myself, Hange-san. If I don’t try, I might go insane.”

It was almost tragic that such a young soldier was out of commission; you were full of promise, rivalling Mikasa in skill. Hange knew you were itching to do what you trained for your whole life: Coming to Shiganshina and putting it all on the line had always been your number one goal. You didn’t want to be left behind again, to die bitter and alone without the only people you cared about.

“Regardless, (Y/N), you’re stalling,” Hange smoothly shifted the topic of conversation back to what brought her to you in the first place. “He still has that power over you, huh?”

"It'll pass eventually," you sighed, hoping the words were true.

You bowed towards the tall female. She smiled in return, shaking her head softly.

Whilst pacing away, said person stopped you once more.

“(Y/N). For what it’s worth, I stand by what I said before. Don’t look so nervous, okay?”

Her words replayed in your head, a haunting ghost of the not-so-long ago past. Time was strange, that way. It seemed like everything happened yesterday yet in another lifetime, all at once. “He loves you, more than he’s ever loved anyone. Surely you know that.”

Stupid, you thought, how I might have believed it once.

As you made your way down the hall, numbness crept into your body once again. You were too proud to admit you were afraid, especially with the Section Commander’s radiating sympathy, but everyone knew the once friendly dynamic between you and the Captain transformed into one more distant and cold. With each step towards the door, you felt the icy chill grow and that fact alone shook you to the core. 

But it didn’t matter, seeing as Levi was of superior authority. There was no way around it.

Your hand shook as it raised to knock.

~~~~~~

“Name and business,” Levi spoke, voice muffled by the closed door.

“It’s (Y/N), sir. I was hoping to speak with you.”

There was a pause, and in that time you considered the option of fleeing back to your room and retreating back to a life of emotional safety, normality. It wasn’t too late to forget.

It had been a week since you spoke to Mikasa on the rooftop, after realizing the deep shit your heart decided to put you in. You didn’t think Levi would notice the distracted nature of your behavior-- tried to make it as subtle as possible whilst you figured out what you felt for him. 

But before you could explore other options, Levi muttered a stern “enter.” You knew with the first expedition back to Shiganshina tomorrow, and the prospect of death closer than it has ever been on a mission, it was now or never. 

The room was dim, small, warm, and thick with building tension. Shadows danced across the Captain’s face, sharp features lit by an orange flame. Only candlelight, sourced at his desk, assisted your adjusting eyes. 

Your nose was hit with the smell of tea and cleaning products upon entry. This fact made you smile despite your bundling nervous energy. It was a familiar place, filled with memories of late night conversations (granted, of mostly you speaking and him listening), witnessed only by the large piles of paperwork. It started here and resulted in a natural, growing fondness kept secret to all except you two and the moon looking in from the window. 

This man was your squad leader, your commander, your trusted comrade. There was no need to be afraid-- Not unless of course, you held the potential to shatter such damn a delicate relationship.

And you did. 

Was it worth it?

Your gaze gravitated towards the center of the room where the Lance Corporal sat. And in that instant, your smile evaporated instantly. He placed his pen down, gracefully resting his cheek on his fist and lazily tossing the raven locks out of his eyes-- they landed on you, piercing yet drowsy and indifferent upon first glance. He was beautiful, as always. The allure was nearly sickening; unfair to the rest of the world.

Looking closer, however, he was anything but relaxed. The observant eye could see his countenance stirred something different. He seemed sharp and focused, ready to dart out and wrap himself around your heart, squeezing tighter with every breath you took. And you felt it-- the heart palpitations, which got worse at the sight of him.

He seemed… different. Dangerous, like a storm stirring in the distance, and the inevitable downpour that comes with it. The dark circles under his eyes told tales about the insomnia; a fresh cup of caffeinated black tea even rested on his left, steam rising out of it. And whilst attraction was undeniable, your concern always came first.

Levi was never quite good at getting proper rest before a mission.

“(Y/N),” The word was breathy, yet his voice was rough.

You shuffled in your spot, your name on his tongue making your stomach churn with desire.

Levi seemed to pick up on your affliction, getting out of his chair and gliding towards you. Everything happened fast and slow all at once, starting off with a momentaneous rush of air and  the collision of your back with the office wall. A small shriek filled the air, out of place against the silence; was that your voice? The pain should’ve been there, but it wasn’t.

Then the seconds dragged out. Levi was a new person, setting your skin aflame as he gripped your wrists and pinned them against the wall. His lips brushed your eartips, which turned red the instant the raven’s breath fanned over them. This normally reserved, disciplined man unleashed something you had never seen before.

“Finally ready to talk to me about why you’ve been acting so strange, brat?” he whispered.  

This wasn’t supposed to be so dirty. He was angry, but the mood was established in layers: something more sinister existed beneath.

The scent of fresh pine filled your nostrils until your brain went foggy. Levi was close--so close, and with the fact that you’ve been avoiding him mixed in with the fact that you missed him for it, all bets were off: there was no stopping the words that came out of your mouth next.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” you whispered back, looking him dead in the eyes, no fear this time.

His grip on your wrist slackened.

“Hm?”

You took in a deep breath, ready to leave it all on the line, and spoke.

“I like you a lot, sir. And not in a comradery type of way. I-I just thought I’d tell you before, you know, we leave tomorrow.” Your gaze found the floor again, too timid for your own good. But the statement was said, and it was finite; there was no turning away from it.

The Captain’s eyes went wide and gleamed brightly at you. His chest felt lighter and as he looked down at you in speechless awe, staring at anything but his face in your adorable embarrassment, he realized exactly why your absent look irked him those days ago. Why your lack of enthusiasm and lighthearted-ness gave him a strange sense of frustration. 

Levi never felt more awake, more hyper aware of his surroundings. 

The feeling of your chest pressed against him, the heat of those rosy cheeks, the pounding within his ribcage, the moon hitting your pretty face. With your figure in his arms, after the blissful seconds passed, everything felt, for once, okay.

Until it wasn’t.

Gaining the courage to look back up at him, you all but tore apart at the scowl on his face as demons flitted through his beautiful brain and polluted the image of happiness. Levi grew more indignant by the second, all but throwing your arms he held back at your sides like they were poison to the touch. 

Tears pooled in your eyes as the soft expression you didn’t get to see turned sour, disgusted-- the Captain’s lips curling into a snarl as he imagined what he could lose if he opened up his heart for this girl in front of him to take. The risk and pain of falling for someone, in the world the two of you lived in. And all the stoic man could think was how he allowed this charade to come so far.

No, he wouldn't allow it.

“Get out, (L/N)” he commanded, harsh and unforgiving.

You were trembling, body feeling detached from reality as it moved, convincing itself that it was simply a nightmare. Levi’s cruel demeanor all but shattered you as you looked wide-eyed and his anger grew, the short man pacing behind his desk and bringing a hand over his face. His free one crumpled into a fist, knuckles turning white as he slammed it on the wood, the loud bang making you jump; the fear, grief, confusion coming all at once until it choked you and your vision spotted black.

“I said GET OUT!”

The room stilled and Levi looked up to face you cowering near the door, a single tear rolling down your cheek. He stilled at the sight, the weight of his words dawning upon him.  

“I-I’m sorry,” you gasped before racing out of the room.

Had you looked back, you would’ve seen Levi’s outstretched hand betraying his body, desperately reaching out for you, gray eyes filled with pain.

But you knew now you’d never be dumb enough to spare him that second glance-- and maybe that was the right call, seeing as his feet moved in the direction you left, only to shut the door left askew in your wake.  

~~~

The Captain’s gaze was on you more than necessary, but it was clear the two of you had the same thought: You focused everything into this discussion, melting into the emotionally-detached soldier your duty commanded, just like Levi did. His words had no ulterior motive, no deeper meaning. They were monotonous and empty.

Or so you thought.

Levi stood up the second you came in, but your gaze fell to the ground in submission.

“Hange said you needed to see me, Captain?” your voice was small and weak; you kicked yourself for it. How pathetic.

“Damn you...”

The man said nothing more, brushing his fingers along your cheekbones and you everything hit you like whiplash, the memories. Levi ran them along your face, down to your chin to lift it gently, so that for once you’d let your eyes meet instead of looking at the ground like a coward.

When they did the man’s breath hitched in his throat, because although your (eye color) orbs were no longer as vibrant, they were still beautiful and entrancing; why hadn’t he ever appreciated them before? 

"I missed you, brat," he spoke firmly.

You felt a churn in your abdomen as you watched his eyes study the details of your face and take in every feature, committing it to memory painfully slow. You were paralyzed, his face inches away from yours and forcing buried emotions to resurface as months of restraint came undone. He didn’t speak, holding you delicately after not being this close for far too long and discerning what he’s been missing.  

“Um, Captain? What are you...?"

You bit your lip, feeling puzzled and confused as you remembered the hate in Levi's orbs the last time you saw him like this.

All you could see now was how quickly his emotions shifted from serenity to fury that fateful night, and as you recollected the way Levi lashed out, all chaos and fury, he retracted his hand.

And you flinched away.

The Captain froze.

“Don’t-- don’t fucking do that,” he growled, his urgency startling. “I would never hurt you, (Y/N).”

Your eyebrows furrowed, all inhibition thrown out the window the second Levi’s countenance flashed with hurt at your response to his touch. You let your fear go and emotions free at the irony of the raven’s statement. Your mind went into overdrive, recounting every instance you wanted to give up and leave, drown in yourself, give up on finding purpose in the aftermath of rejection and Squad Levi’s death and your permanent injury changing your way of life. Things you faced alone, because instead of rekindling any semblance of a relationship, Levi tossed everything away and berated you for feeling.

The man who resided here cut your heart expertisely like the countless swords he wielded then disposed. He did not have the right to look at you so kindly; did not have to right to fan the flames of false hope. But here he was, procrastinating until the very last day to take initiative regarding those actions.

“Why are you doing this?” you whispered, forgetting your composure.

“I’d advise you not to speak in riddles,” Levi spoke in a low and even voice, no real malice as he addressed you and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

You took a deep breath and fought to remain calm, grabbing Levi's wrist to keep him from touching you.

“Please don’t toy with me, or mock my feelings like this. Why did you call me here? You made it plenty clear how you feel about me, Levi. What else is there to say?" you begged, the lack of closure driving you insane.

This was the first time you used his name, an unprecedented amount of spite and pain expressed through it, because you wanted Levi to remember this moment. It was over: that time of feeling sorry and ashamed of yourself for being nothing other than human. The remorse was gone, and the heartache was fleeting.

“Tell me, dammit!”

His was overflowing.

“You want to know how I really feel about you, (Y/N)!?” the Captain shouted, voice rising because for a man who relied on impulse and action on the battlefield it was fucking frustrating, watching the woman in front of him live this way for the simple reason that he was not good with words. "The thoughts that go through my head when you can't even bear to look at me?!"

"No, that's not what I asked. I already know that you don't--"

"--Fuck this."

Relying on instinct to guide him, Levi leaned forward and kissed you.

The second his lips met yours, you melted on the spot, knees giving out beneath you. Tongue sliding into your mouth, Levi simultaneously lifted you into the air, feeling lightheaded as you moaned into him, eagerly returning the kiss. His hands were everywhere, grasping at your waist, clutching the back of your head, running down your thighs. You were in such a state of euphoria that nothing else existed.

Your own digits threaded through Levi’s raven locks and pulled needily, emitting a growl from his throat as he bit down on your lower lip. He reveled in the feeling of your legs around his waist as your soft lips worked against his own, hungry and relentless. The kiss was passionate and you’d imagined it a million times over, but this-- Levi successfully ruined you for any other man.

The need for oxygen pulled you apart, Levi’s strong arms keeping you in the air as his eyes remained shut; he pecked your lips once, then twice, savoring the moment until it mournfully passed.

He was hesitant to break the silence, but you deserved it. You waited long enough to hear the truth, and he knew his time was running out; you weren’t going to wait for him forever.

“(Y/N)...” he began to speak, forehead resting on yours as he panted softly to catch his breath. “I dreamt of you last night. I have been for days.”

“Levi--”

“--Just listen,” he interrupted, unable to stop himself from kissing you softly once more. “Neither of us are running away this time.”

You fell silent as the man let you down, pulling you into his solid chest as you buried your face in his shirt, patiently listening. His calm heartbeat thrummed soothingly in your ears like a metronome.

“Isabel, Farlan, Oluo, Petra, Gunther, Eld. They all knew that what they meant to me. And I them."

One of the only things that made it easier to say goodbye, you thought with a bittersweet pang in your chest.

"With us, it's different. I died in every dream, (Y/N). Every one. And in every single one, you lived on believing I never loved you. Call me selfish, but I...”

You pulled away from the stoic man, searching his gaze as he trailed off. Shyly, you interlaced your fingers, his larger hand enveloping yours and you prayed to whoever was listening upstairs that all of this was real.

“I just can't leave until you understand...”

He clutched you impossibly tighter, eyes squeezing shut.

"...that you, are everything."

~~~ Extended Ending ~~~

A soft hum filled the air, the tune dreamy and sweet as you repeated the melody once again. You smiled warmly as hands wound around your waist, pulling you closer to a toned and shirtless Captain Levi, silken sheets tossed haphazardly on top of the two of you. His breath sent goosebumps on your neck as he kissed your shoulder gently, warmth deliciously intoxicating. 

Giggling now, you turned around to face him, the man’s onyx hair ticking you softly. You captured your lips in his with one smooth movement and snuggled closer, taking in the small slice of heaven that was home in his arms, legs tangled together. Feeling unbelievably content, like your heart might burst, you leaned forward and rubbed your nose against Levi's. 

Although he wasn't smiling, the look he was giving you revealed his own sensation of happiness.

“I never thought you’d be the cuddling type,” you remarked devilishly, scrunching up your nose as you teased him. 

Though your tone was lighthearted, you were painfully aware that the moment was ending. You internally cursed the sun as it started to set, orange light peeking in through the window shades to signal the coming of night. Levi said nothing, looking deeply into your eyes, and like always, it felt as if he could read the contents of your soul. 

But it wasn’t vulnerability you felt: on the contrary, you knew you would never find as safe a place as here. With him. Finally.  

“Levi...” you swallowed, humor all but gone. “Now you have to come home.” 

To emphasize your point you sat up on the bed, legs tucked neatly underneath you as you stared imperatively at your lover. 

“Mhm. We’ve wasted enough time,” he agreed, taking you by the wrist to pull you back on top of him, to bask in this personal paradise if only for another minute. 

[moonlightpastime]

Hmm gonna throw Mistaken for Couple + Sleep intimacy Zakkura your way for whenever you might want to play with it. :3 (Also possibly revealing my secret identity with this prompt lol)

Oooooooo! Delicious lil combo indeed.

(also sorry. it’s me. of course this turned into basically a mini-ficlet on it’s own lol)

Hmm...okay. Imma be a basic, trope-y bich then lol. Scenario I’d probably play with in a canon-ish setting would be Cadet!Cloud and Zack kinda bumping into each a couple times- maybe brief mission overlaps or something after Modeoheim? And since they’d hit it off so quick that just continues. And of course people take notice. For one thing it’s weird for a First Class to be hanging around and all. And sure Zack’s got a reputation of being pretty chill and outgoing. What surprises the other Cadets is Cloud. Because Strife’s always been stand-offish and stuff.

So of course the rumours start flying. And there’s the mix of usual nasty ones “Sleeping with Fair to climb the ladder.” ect. But there’s also some squad-mates of Cloud’s who don’t think that’d really be the case. Maybe there’s something more genuine there- though it’s still a bad idea considering Zack’s basically one of their CO’s.

So one mission comes along and Zack kinda meets up with the tail end of this little sortie that the cadets were off training in. It runs later than they planned so they all just decide to camp it out and head back to HQ the next morning. Being the country boys they are- and with that ‘weird’ chemistry Cloud and Zack are pretty quick to get things organized and get a legit pretty cozy camp.

Only a sliiiight problem in that they don’t actually have enough space in the trooper tent. Meant for a four man squad, not five. So of course, SOLIDER Fair slings his arm around Cloud’s shoulders and says, “Then I guess this guy’s bunking with me.” since Zack’s been packing his own small tent for his mission. Cloud flails and blushes a bit. “O-oh. No I can do watch duty.”

Zack just rolls his eyes and jostles the blond. Puts on his friendly ‘commander’ voice. “We’ll do it in shifts Cadet. Just like always.” So they work out a quick schedule. Couple hours each so they can all get some rest after their busy training. Cloud’s got first shift since he ‘volunteered’. Zack takes the last one- because he’s slightly evil and loves being the one to wake up/break down camp.

Of course once they turn in, Zack isn’t really tired- always too much energy- so he wanders over to keep Cloud company. He’s sitting a way off from the camp. Away from the fire they decided to keep burning. Tends to help deter monsters anyway. Zack nudges Cloud with a knee as he comes up behind him.

“Aren’t you cold man?” He asks. Eyeing the wind tugging at the cadet’s clothes. Cloud shakes his head. Something almost wistful on his face.

“This is nothing compared to home.”

“Nibelheim right? That’s out west ain’t it?”

“Mm.”

They shoot the shit for a while, before Cloud gets a little flustered. Tells Zack he should rest since he’s waking up the earliest. And Cloud needs to focus on his job. So Zack puts on a little show of stretching and yawning- and NO. Cloud is NOT staring. He’s keeping WATCH.

Eventually Cloud gets tapped to head to bed. Hesitates for like an HOUR outside the tent. Or at least that’s how it feels like to Zack who of course isn’t sleeping. Scares the living day lights outta Cloud when he finally scoots over and tugs open the flap. Grinning up at the cadet, one eyebrow raised.

“You coming?”

Cloud shuffles in obediently, takes another age getting outta his boots, gloves combat gear. Just leave him in those baggy navy fatigues. The space is still pretty small, but Zack figures it’ll be fine. Cloud isn’t exactly a big person. (not that he says that. Out loud.).

Eventually Zack whines at him enough to get the other settled down anyway. The bedrolls really aren’t the most comfy thing, but they’d found pretty even patches of ground to set up their tents over so it could definitely be worse. Zack wiggles his closer to Cloud’s when the other very, very stubbornly won’t move himself. Logically it’ll keep them warmer and Cloud’s gotta be at least a little cold from watch right? Just makes sense. They tussle a bit, before Zack actually gets Cloud to relax again. Even crack a smile and it makes Zack’s chest feel warm. Cloud’s the first one yawning. Long, very busy day and he doesn’t have the same ridiculous energy as a SOLIDER (pointed look at Zack.) So Zack quite bugging him- as much- and they both settle in. Can hear the distant crackle of the fire and the two squadmates talking quietly outside. Thanks to his enhancements he catches little snippets of their conversation on the wind.

It surprises him a bit. Hearing people speculating him and Cloud are a ‘thing’. He shrugs it off more or less because he’s been around enough to realize Cloud’s kinda isolated. Honestly he feels bad for the people who don’t give the blond a chance. They’re missing out. Bit time, in Zack’s opinion. Cuz Cloud’s nice. And smart. And honestly just fun.

Warm too, now that the night time chill’s starting to fade from his skin. Zack snuggles up closer to soak some of it in and share his own. Habbit. Jungle kid after all. Prefers the heat to the cold any day.

He’s not really tired, not yet, still got that vague adrenaline pumping through his veins. Always kinda is. But there’s something kinda...mellowing about Cloud. Gives him something to focus on other than that constant itch to ‘get up, move, do something’. It’s nice. And pretty cute how Cloud’s hair falls in his face when he shifts. Can tell the other’s drifted off for real now. All those senseless little twitches and sounds. Used to freak Zack out a little bit when he first got enhanced. How he could catch the rhythm of someone’s heartbeat if he tried. But Cloud’s is nice.

Zack wasn’t really expecting to sleep that night. Usually has a tough time of it when he gets sent on missions that are way too easy. Takes a lot to tucker him out. But the next thing he knows he’s catching a voice. Snapping out of sleep. Something kinda soft brushing his face. Tickles a bit.

“U-uh. Sir?”

Hm. Cadet sounds weird. Almost nervous but Zack’s used to that. People act odd around him. SOLIDER status and all. Even Cloud gets kinda jumpy about it sometimes. But not as often as others.

“It’s nearly four a.m. Sir.”

“Oh right. Thanks. Go catch a few winks. We’ll be oughta here before long.”

“Sir!”

The tent closes again in a faint rush of chilly air and Zack yawns.

Gets a mouthful of hair for his efforts and sputters a bit. Blinks open and.

Oh.

Huh. Well that’d explain the extra warmth. He’s honestly not sure from the tangle their in if he’d moved in the night or if it’d been Cloud. Maybe a collaborative effort. But Cloud’s all tucked up against his front. One slender hand curled in the front of Zack’s heavy shirt. Zack’s got Cloud all wrapped up in a mix of their bedding and his arms. He’s done that since he was a kid. Grabbin’ up pillows and stuff to cuddle.

He thinks he prefers having someone to snuggle up with instead.

It’s super dark out. That weird hour before the sun starts to come up. Still enough to make out that funny little wrinkle of Cloud’s nose as the other grumbles in his sleep. Zack chuckles, leans back a bit so he doesn’t end up with another mouth of hair.

“You’re okay Spike. Get some more sleep.”

Takes a bit of careful shifting and wiggling to get them somewhat untangled. Doesn’t really succeed in keeping Cloud asleep either. Blue, blue eyes blinking open heavily. Makes a little mumble that could be Zack’s name. All confused and tired. Makes the SOLIDER chuckle again.

“At ease.” He says with a grin. Maybe a bit softer than his usual. If Cloud was like, actually awake, he’d grumble at Zack for real. Running joke with them. Started the first time Cloud thought he had to be all ‘formal’ and stuff around base. Dumbass.

They’re...friends.

...right?

[wheresmynaya]

Lost in the Lights Ch.6|Brittana

A/N - Happy Friday! I've actually had this one finished for a few days now since I've been writing lots to cope with the Steelers loss earlier this week LOL. Like the WMHS Titans, I think they needed the L to get their heads back in the game so hopefully we'll see a win this week. Enjoy!

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x)

The late night visits to Elliott's quickly becomes Brittany's favorite part of the week. Neither of them ever order any coffee since it's always so late by the time they get there, but hot chocolates do just fine.

After about two weeks, they've yet to run out of new things to talk about. They just sip on their drinks by the fire and chat about whatever comes to mind first. It's funny how easy they get along; sometimes it feels like they've been friends forever and that's probably the best part of all.

"So," Santana hums after licking whipped cream from her top lip, "How'd you start playing football?"

Brittany chuckles at the random question; just before they had been talking about what they'd take with them if they were stranded on a deserted island. Santana said she'd bring a survival expert because no way I'm doing all the work myself while Brittany thought a phone would be a good idea – she didn't think about there not being any service out there though.

"How anybody starts playing, I guess?" Brittany shrugs as she cups her mug, "I just tried out."

Santana gives her a look before she smirks, "No I mean, what made you like it enough that you wanted to play on a team?"

"Oh!" Brittany has to stop and think, "I've always liked sports, I think. I like being active. When I was younger my parents couldn't get me to sit still. Sports were a way I could use up all of that energy. I was such a handful, Pete can be like that too."

"Really?" Santana looks surprised, "He's always so chill the times I've seen him."

Brittany snickers, "That's probably because he has a teeny tiny crush on you and you make him all shy."

"He does not," Santana laughs, "So did your parents make you try out for everything or did you have a choice?"

"A little of both, I think?" Brittany says, "My parents always encouraged me to try new things. They never really made me do anything. If I ended up not liking a certain sport, they let me quit. I think football is the most challenging for me though. That's probably why I like it so much."

Santana nods before going to take another sip, "That's really cool that your parents are so supportive of you."

"Yeah. What about you?" Brittany wonders, "How'd you get into cheering?"

Santana averts her gaze to her drink, "That's not really an interesting story. I did it solely for the popularity boost. I learned early on that getting into the right clique is the only way to make it through high school so Quinn and I joined as soon as we could. Besides, I doubt my dad would never let me get into contact sports – he's not a fan of the injury risks."

"I get that," Brittany nods, "Do you like it at least? Cheering?"

"I do now," Santana shrugs, "At the start, not so much. The Captain before us was such a bitch, she made our lives a living hell. Coach Sylvester is kind of a tyrant too but I adapted to her. The uniform makes up for all the trouble though, it's like wearing armor. No one can usually touch you and so many people are suckers for the skirt."

Brittany shakes her head at the way Santana starts to smirk, "I bet you've broken many hearts with that one."

Santana laughs, "Not on purpose."

Brittany giggles along with her and they spend the rest of their time talking about whatever comes next until their cups are empty.

Brittany loves this part; the whole getting to know someone better. She was worried she'd never get the chance with Santana, but she's seen a shift in her demeanor since Homecoming. The Co-Captain is still guarded but Brittany can tell that she's trying to be better and that's all that really matters to her.

\\

The next day, Brittany's at school going through her regular routine of trying to avoid the stares.

Since being crowned Homecoming King, she has a lot more people coming up to talk to her – either about the game on Friday (which the Titans won) or how awesome they think she is. It's super weird having the whole school treat you like some sort of celebrity, but she rather have that then the constant dirty looks the guys on the Hockey team still give her and all the other Titans.

When she gets to her final class of the day she finds Santana is just getting settled in her seat. Ms. Holliday lingers by the door and hands Brittany her usual warm-up activity as she greets her.

"Thanks Ms. Holliday," Brittany says in passing before she comes to her shared desk and shrugs off her bookbag, "Hey Santana."

"Hi," Santana greets with a smile before nodding to her worksheet, "Wanna do this together?"

"Yeah, sure!" Brittany grins.

"While you guys work on that," Ms. Holliday announces as she begins her rounds around the classroom, "I'm going to start handing back your papers that took me forever to grade. That's the last time I assign anything longer than a two page limit."

Brittany groans; she's been dreading this day for awhile.

English has never been her best subject and she particularly struggles with the writing assignments which happens to be her first big assessment of the semester. She remembers Santana offering to help, but Brittany never took her up on it. They weren't really friends at the time and she's a little closed off when it comes to studying with others.

When Ms. Holliday comes around to slide a paper face down on Brittany's desk, it takes her a moment before she's hesitantly peeling back the corner to reveal the grade.

"Crap," Brittany mutters when she sees the bright red C- along with an array of red markings littering the page.

"Not what you were expecting?" Ms. Holliday asks softly.

"Not quite," Brittany frowns as she starts to read her teacher's comments. None of the critiques surprise her, but the grade still doesn't sit well with her.

"Have you considered looking for a study buddy?" Ms. Holliday suggests lightly as she hands Santana her paper next.

Brittany glances to her side just in time to see the bright red A+ on Santana's paper. She tries to be inconspicuous but Santana catches her staring as Ms. Holliday walks away.

"I'm kind of a whizz at this stuff," Santana jokes before offering, "I could tutor you if you want?"

Brittany quickly shakes her head, "Oh no, I couldn't ask you to do all that. I'm not sure when I'd even have the time between practice and weight training."

"You'd probably want to make time," Santana replies as she tucks away her paper without a second look, "I've heard Coach Beiste is pretty hard on the players when it comes to maintaining their GPAs. Total opposite of Coach Sylvester who doesn't give a shit as long as you're nailing the routines. There was once a girl on the squad that had a 0.0. I didn't know GPAs went that low."

"Great," Brittany slumps back, "I can usually skate by, but the grading scale here is so different from my old school. This would be a solid B- over there."

"Like I said, I can help you?" Santana offers again but this time she pairs it with a smile.

Brittany bites her lip at the sight of it; those smiles are starting to get a little distracting.

"I don't know," She replies shyly, "It kind of takes me a second to catch onto things, my past tutors have gotten a little impatient with me. I wouldn't want to waste your time."

"I promise it won't be a waste of my time," Santana tells her earnestly, "I've tutored a couple of Titans before and I can tell just by how you've formatted your paper that you're a lot smarter than you think."

Brittany bites her lip at that and starts to consider her offer, "I'm not sure when we'd be able to meet. I get out of practice around 6 at the earliest."

"That's loads of time. I'm pretty flexible," She says then quickly clarifies, "With scheduling, I mean. Cheerios practice usually finishes up before yours and we have the same days off. We can even get together at Elliott's? Although I think the Lima Bean is closer, but whatever's easiest for you."

Brittany glances at Santana again and she's kind of surprised how willing she is to help with her studies. Even her friends back home were always a little hesitant when it came to studying with her, so to see Santana being so eager eases most of Brittany's reservations.

"Okay," Brittany finally relents, "Only if you want to. I don't want to take up too much of your time though."

Santana just sighs through her smile, "You're too considerate for your own good sometimes, Pierce."

Brittany blushes at that, "I just don't have a very good track record when it comes to this stuff."

"Well, I don't mind," Santana assures her, "Seriously. I wouldn't offer if I did so don't worry about it."

"Okay," Brittany nods bashfully, "Thanks."

Santana just shrugs dismissively before turning back to her worksheet.

\\

In addition to how everything's going with Santana, things seem to have shifted for the better when it comes to the Titans too. For the most part, Brittany's gained the team's respect and their dynamic is the strongest its ever been. There's an even bigger push for harder training now that they're getting closer to the playoffs, but despite most of the team being on the same page there are still two that love to stand out.

Karofsky and Azimio.

It's towards the end of practice and they're running a couple different plays and the infamous duo have been insufferable the entire time. Coach Beiste has yet to get involved, but that's on Brittany. She wants to be able to control her team, she doesn't want to have to go running to the Coach just because of a couple guys that won't get with it.

But those two never just do as they're told, there's always some backhanded comment and Brittany's getting sick of it. The only reason she hasn't snapped is because she doesn't want to let her emotions get the best of her. They've used that against her before and she knows if she were to have an outburst again they'd just do the same thing. That's the most frustrating part about working with ignorant assholes, arguing with them doesn't do a damn thing – until today.

Brittany goes to gather her offense for a quick huddle so that she can run through the next play and Azimio is already on her with the belittling nicknames.

"Alright Princess," He groans, "What are you having us do this time?"

"Not another play-action," Karofsky jokes.

Brittany's jaw tenses and she's about to go off on the both of them when Finn – of all people – beats her to it.

"God, when are you two going to give it up already?" He snaps, "The pushback is so annoying!"

"Woah!" Karofsky raises his hands dramatically, "Has Hudson been body snatched?"

"No," Finn replies, "I've just realized that fighting all of this progress gets you nowhere! Seriously, have you guys not noticed? We're actually winning this season."

Azimio shakes his head and slaps at Karofsky's shoulder like he can't believe his ears.

"Look around you man," Finn tells him, "No one's laughing with you anymore."

Their faces fall into grimaces while Finn looks to Brittany.

"I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but Britt's taught me what a real leader looks like and I think that's cool. Not gonna lie, I was mad that she replaced me but now that I've gotten to know her, I'm happy she's here. Actually, I'm glad she replaced me so we can finally have a damn chance!" Finn explains with a dopy grin before he hardens his gaze and looks back Azimio and Karofsky, "Maybe it's time you both learn something too?"

"Yeah," Puck chimes in as he flinches at them with his fists balled, "Like keeping your damn traps shut. You know, just for this bullshit – I don't want to see your faces at my place next week for Halloween."

"Dude! What?" Azimio scoffs.

Karofsky looks like he's about to cry. It nearly makes Brittany laugh; who knew getting an invite revoked could be so hurtful to those guys. Meanwhile, Brittany's still on the fence about going.

Puck just crosses his arms, "I'm with Finn here. You two need to cut the shit already."

"You say you want to win?" Finn asks them, "Well Britt's our best shot at that so just fall in line already."

"Or quit the team so the rest of us can focus," Sam suggests.

Mike nods along with him.

Azimio and Karofsky just stew in their annoyance, but they don't fight the other players. Brittany hopes that this is the last she'll hear from them, but she has a feeling they still have a little left in them.

But Finn smiles proudly and looks back to Brittany as he holds out his fist to her, "Take us to 8-1, Cap."

Brittany can't help but smile as she bumps her fist with his.

This is what a real team looks like, this is what she's been trying to show them all this time. You have each other's back and you respect one another, that's what you're meant to do when you're apart of a team and Brittany feel so proud to see this kind of progress.

"Alright, last play of the day. Up the Guts and Pop Right. Titans on three. One…two…three," She says followed by a loud clap, "Titans!"

Everyone falls into position and there's not a single word uttered from Azimio and Karofsky for the first time all afternoon.

\\

When Brittany gets to her locker later the next day, she frowns when she doesn't see Santana there yet. She's wondering if maybe she missed her again or maybe she's too early when she spots Kurt and Mercedes walking towards her.

"Hey guys!" Brittany greets before putting in her locker combo.

"Your majesty," Kurt bows playfully.

Brittany chuckles, "You've got to stop doing that before it catches on."

"How you been?" Mercedes asks as she leans against Santana's locker.

Brittany's glad that she gets hers open in time because the door just so happens to block them from seeing her smile.

She really can't help it, because when she thinks of how she's been she thinks of the weekend. She's reminded of all the times she's made Santana laugh with something silly she said. She's reminded of how different Santana looks dressed in something other than her Cheerios uniform. She's reminded of how Santana's nose crinkles when she smiles really big and how it makes Brittany's heart flip at the sight of it.

"Good," Brittany answers casually.

"What have you been up to?" Mercedes wonders, "What was your weekend like?"

"Yeah," Kurt adds, "I didn't even see you leave after the game on Friday."

Brittany continues to play it coy as she pulls her books out, "I was hanging out with Santana."

"Again?" Mercedes asks.

Brittany let's out a quiet sigh. She let it slip once before that she and Santana hung out, but it seems like her friends haven't forgotten about it like she'd hope they would. She thinks it's a great thing that she's getting to know Santana better, but others – like Kurt and Mercedes – seem to disagree and she's starting to understand why Santana's always so guarded.

"Yeah," Brittany shrugs casually, "Santana's tutoring me for English."

"On a Friday night?" Mercedes questions.

Brittany doesn't get what the big deal is and nods.

"You've gotten quite close since Homecoming," Kurt comments and Brittany already hates where this is going.

"We're friends."

Mercedes sputters out a laugh, "That girl doesn't have friends. She has Quinn and people she wants to crush."

"Or crush on…" Kurt smirks at Brittany.

"What?" Mercedes looks confused.

The blonde's brows furrow too, "Yeah. What?"

"Maybe she likes you?" Kurt suggests, "That has to be it; that's the only logical explanation. Santana Lopez doesn't usually get close to anyone unless there's something in it for her."

"Or she's trying to throw sticks at your head," Mercedes adds, "Her aim is awful."

Kurt nods, "You're climbing ranks pretty fast, Britt, she probably just needs the popularity boost."

"Preach," Mercedes says with the wave of her hand.

Brittany frowns at the pair. She can't believe she's hearing them talk about Santana like this. It's actually making her a little annoyed, but she keeps her cool for now as she explains, "I don't think it's like that. Santana's nice. Maybe her stick throwing days are behind her?"

"Nice?" Mercedes' brows rise, "She doesn't know how to do that."

"Sure she does," Brittany responds; she can feel herself getting defensive but she keeps her cool.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Kurt says warily, "Just be careful around her. Other than Quinn and her reputation, there's not much else Santana cares about."

"You guys are making a lot of assumptions about someone you don't even talk to," Brittany points out as she stuffs the last book she needs into her bookbag. She tries to keep her voice even although she feels the back of her neck heat up, "Or do you talk?"

"Oh, I've tried talking to her," Kurt says.

"When?" Mercedes questions disbelievingly.

"Last year," Kurt says, "Remember? I extended an olive branch and she hit me with it."

"Okay, what's with all the sticks and branches?" Brittany sighs because she's struggling to keep up.

"I'm meaning figuratively," Kurt clarifies, "I've tried to make nice with her and it did not go well. She went off on me in front of everyone."

"I remember that. People don't call her Satan for nothing," Mercedes reasons, "And I thought Bree was bad."

"Oh no, she was way worse than Santana," Kurt says, "For obvious reasons, of course."

Brittany starts to wonder what he means and who this Bree person is.

"True," Mercedes replies with the shake of her head, "They were both nightmares. I'm glad we only have to deal with one of them now even if it has to be Satan."

And that's what puts Brittany over the edge.

She slams her locker shut, "Alright, that's enough. I don't think it's cool how you're talking about my friend like that."

Kurt's taken aback, "Wait, we're sorry. We got carried away. Santana's just…she's got a history of not being a nice person. We just don't want you getting hurt."

Brittany furrows her brows as she pulls on her bookbag, "Does it look like I can't take care of myself?"

Kurt and Mercedes look to each other guiltily.

"Look, I appreciate you both looking out for me but Santana is my friend," Brittany tells them firmly, "And I'm not going to listen to either of you talk about her when you don't even know her. God, you have no idea what goes on behind the scenes for her. You have no idea what she struggles with."

"Britt," Kurt tries, "We didn't mean to upset you, but like – what could she possibly have to struggle with other than the obvious? She's at the top of the food chain. She's popular, she's loaded, she's Santana Lopez."

"Everyone has something. Maybe you should think about that the next time either of you judge someone without knowing them," Brittany says. She hasn't been angry like this in awhile and she's sure it shows, "You're in the Glee Club, you know what it's like to be pushed down for being yourselves but at least you have a group of people who support you. She doesn't, so where's your damn compassion?"

She doesn't let them get in another word before she storms off to her last class of the day.

\\

Santana's already seated in her usual seat when Brittany arrives to Ms. Holliday's classroom. She's still fuming, but she tries her best to mask it as she approaches their shared desk.

Clearly she doesn't do a very good job of it.

"You alright?" Santana asks as Brittany gets settled.

"Yeah?" Brittany tries to play it cool, "Why?"

She's organizing her binder and pulling out her pen just as Ms. Holliday starts to go through the warm up activity, but she can feel that Santana is still staring.

"You're all…pink in the face," Santana notes with a brow raised.

"Oh," Brittany rubs the back of her hand against her cheek like it's going to make it go away, "I forgot something in my locker and had to run back before the bell rang."

It's a lame excuse but she panicked.

She couldn't tell Santana that the real reason is because her so-called friends had just been talking down on her and it pissed Brittany off. She guesses she could, but she doesn't want Santana to retaliate and further prove that Kurt and Mercedes were right about her.

It's just hard for Brittany to believe that Santana could be anything like the stories they've told. Other than how she threatened JBI weeks ago, Brittany hasn't really witnessed that part of her before. Then again, she was pretty rude to Brittany when she first started at McKinley so that makes her wonder maybe there might be some truth behind her friends' warnings?

"Question," Brittany whispers to Santana.

"Yeah?"

Brittany bites her lip, "You've…never thrown sticks at my head, right?"

Santana chokes out a laugh and looks to Brittany only to find her looking back with this serious expression on her face. Santana softens, "No. I've never thrown sticks at your head."

"Have you thrown sticks at anyone's head before?" Brittany asks.

Santana tilts her head to the side, "I don't think so. Maybe when I was a little kid?"

"Okay," Brittany nods before going back to her work, "Just checking."

Santana only gives her a curious look before going back to do her activity too.

While Brittany answers the questions, she can't help but think back to her conversation with Kurt and Mercedes. The more time she spends getting to know Santana, the less she believes that this so-called Satan version exists.

If it did, then Brittany must be immune to it. Still though, she wonders about all the missing pieces to Santana that she has yet to learn like what went down last year and who this Bree girl is and why is everyone so bitchy to each other?

\\

It's not until the next day that Brittany's curiosity finally gets the best of her.

She and Santana are studying together at the Lima Bean one afternoon and she's trying her hardest to focus on the examples Santana's going over, but there's too many nagging questions in her head and none of them are about Ms. Holliday's class.

"I have a question," Brittany finally says.

Santana pauses and looks up at Brittany, "Yeah?"

Brittany shifts a little in her seat, "It's not about this though."

Santana puts down her pen, "Okay?"

"Who's Bree?"

"Bree?" Santana blinks at her like she's not sure if she heard correctly.

Brittany nods, "Kurt and Mercedes mentioned something about her and you – "

"What'd they say?" She interrupts. There's a noticeable change right away as Santana sits straighter, her chin just slightly raised as if to say hit me with your best shot.

"Nothing really," Brittany assures her, "They just brought her up and how she wasn't really a nice person. I wanted to hear from you though because they kind of compared you...to her."

Santana instantly scoffs as she averts her gaze, "I'm nothing like her, that bitch was pure evil."

Brittany's brows rise at Santana's tone, but Santana softens just a little at the sight.

"Sorry. I guess I should be thankful that you didn't hear about it sooner," Santana sighs, "God knows people at this school love to start drama for no reason."

Brittany bites her lip at the sound of Santana being so bitter again. It reminds her of their conversation at the Homecoming Dance and how she could see Santana struggling with so much inside of her. She's never met someone who had such a hard time being themselves.

"Is this about last year?" Brittany wonders.

Santana lets out a deep sigh again. She's yet to look at Brittany as she answers, "Yeah."

"Oh," Brittany breathes out, "Well, I don't want you to feel pressured to talk about it if you're not ready. I was just wondering, you don't have to explain or whatever. We can go back to studying."

Santana chances a glance at Brittany rambling. Her voice is soft and small, "No, I want to tell you."

Blue eyes flicker between dark brown, "Are you sure?"

Santana nods, "I rather you hear it from me then someone else. At least you'll get the truth."

"Okay."

It takes Santana a moment before she begins to tell her story, but Brittany just sits there patiently waiting. There's another exhale and a glance at Brittany before Santana starts.

"So when Quinn and I joined the Cheerios in our Freshman year, Bree was the Captain," Santana explains, "That was back when there was only one. Anyway, she was a year older and didn't really like us from the very start. Not many girls on the squad were fond of her either, because she was a major bitch. A bigger one than me if you can imagine that."

Santana laughs at her own expense but Brittany only frowns.

"I can imagine that because I don't think you're a bitch," Brittany tells her earnestly.

Santana only smirks, "Well you're the only one. Anyway, we developed this rivalry pretty early on because I guess she felt threatened by Quinn and I? It only got worse as the year progressed. By Sophomore year, Quinn and I managed to convince Coach Sylvester that two Captains were better than one and Bree was demoted to the bottom of the pyramid."

"Woah," Brittany gasped.

"Yeah," Santana looks proud of herself, "Bree didn't like that very much, of course."

"I bet," Brittany chuckled.

"That was also around the time that I started to realize that I was," Santana pauses and at first she looks unsure but then she looks to Brittany, "I was realizing that I was gay."

Brittany tries to keep her proud smile small and nods for her to keep going.

"There was this girl," Santana admits, "She was a Junior – same as Bree – at Carmel High and a cheerleader too so we knew a little of each other since we often competed against them. She was like the only girl in this town that was openly gay – kind of like you, she was sure of who she was, confident. I thought she was so cool for that."

Brittany begins to smirk, "Does that mean you think I'm cool too?"

Santana begins to blush, "No."

"Convincing," Brittany chuckles, "Go on."

"Well, she became the first girl I knowingly had a crush on," Santana explains then quickly follows up with, "I don't know if it was an actual crush or if I was just amazed by how she carried herself. Like was it envy or did I really like her, you know?"

"I definitely know," Brittany says, "Do you want to be her or be on her, right?"

Santana looks a little surprised by Brittany's example, "Yeah, that. Anyway, she actually use to work at Elliott's as a barista. That's why I use to go there all the time. I was way too afraid to actually talk to her so I spent so much money on ordering drinks instead."

"Really?" Brittany begins to smirk, "That's kind of cute, Santana. It's kind of hard to imagine you being that shy."

"Shut up," Santana grumbles through an embarrassed smile, "As if you've never had a crush on someone you thought was out of your league."

Brittany chuckles, "You'd be surprised."

"I really would be," Santana replies, "I was terrified of anyone at school finding out so I tried my hardest to hide it. I dated guy after guy just trying to force the feeling away. I just wanted to be like everyone else – normal."

"It is normal," Brittany assures her.

"I didn't think so back then," Santana admits sadly, "I'm still trying to work on that now. It's hard when you're brought up a certain way with all this pressure to be the perfect whatever – student, daughter, girlfriend, cheerleader. Hiding who I was got tiring but at Elliott's – I felt safe, like I could be myself. No one from McKinley usually came out that way so there wasn't much risk of running into anyone I knew. I started to gain a little confidence and ended up going there every day for like a year just so I could talking to this girl for literally 5 minutes, it was so bad."

Brittany teases playfully, "Who knew you were such a romantic."

Santana smirks, "I guess I knew what I was doing because all that hard work finally turned into something. One day during my Junior year, she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her on her break. It was crazy; I didn't even think, I just said yes and we went out back and sat on the stoop just talking. She actually gave me my first cigarette that day. I felt so cool."

Brittany shakes her head at how Santana puffs out her chest a little, "Of course you did."

"What I didn't know was that Bree had been keeping tabs on me for the longest time," Santana continues, "At first she was thinking that I was making nice with someone on the Carmel squad and you know how deep this rivalry goes. No one is to fraternize with the enemy, so this was the perfect opportunity for Bree to get enough dirt on me so that she could take my spot as Co-Captain before she graduated."

Brittany starts to frown as she realizes where this might be going.

"She ended up getting way more than she asked for that day," Santana says ominously, "While she was staging some sort of stake out, Bree witnessed the moment I found out that this girl liked me too. We were sitting out on the back porch when she leaned over and kissed me. It was just on the cheek but still – I'd never been kissed by someone that I could actually have a chance with. It was the greatest moment of all time and Bree stole it from me by catching the whole thing on camera."

"Shit," Brittany gasped, "What?"

"The next day I came to school and the halls had been covered in pictures of the kiss," Santana whispers, "I was mortified. Quinn tried taking down as many as she could, but there were too many. People had already seen and Bree was just churning out rumor after rumor. Some were a little true and some weren't, but it didn't matter by then. I was in no position to even try and defend myself, especially when JBI started airing the video clip. The whole school had been exposed before I could do anything about it. I felt so…small I guess? I ran out of there crying."

"Oh my God, Santana," Brittany's heart feels so heavy, "That's horrible, I'm so sorry."

Santana shrugs, "Bree and JBI got suspended for a bit but the damage was done. They loved finally getting a chance to take their shots at one of McKinley's baddest. People either wanted to be me or feared me before that happened, but after? It was hard to bounce back. It's a good thing I have tough skin. Someone always has something to say, even now."

"It shouldn't have to be like that," Brittany shakes her head, "I don't get this school. I don't get how people can be so mean to each other. This is you, this is who you are and you're awesome. Why should you have to hide any of that?"

"Look, I'm not innocent either," Santana replies, "I've been a bitch to so many people. I guess it was like karma or something. Maybe I deserved it for the things I've said to people?"

Brittany reaches out to cover Santana's hand with her own. She moves without thinking, but she felt like it needed to be done. She needed some way to ground Santana enough so that she'd hear her and this was the best she could come up with.

"No one deserves to be outed," Brittany tells her, "No one."

Santana nods as she glances down at the hand on hers, "There's more."

Brittany's brows furrow as she pulls away.

"Not only did that video circulate in school, it went viral – even my parents saw," Santana continues, "I've never seen my dad so angry. Not only did I fuck up our family's reputation, I jeopardized my chance at getting into an Ivy League school. He's pretty well known and to have his only daughter being exposed in such a light…it was scandalous."

Brittany frowns at the sarcasm, "What about your mom?"

"It took her a second to understand but she's getting there. She's a little more supportive," Santana shrugs, "The biggest issue is with my dad. Reputation has always been of high importance on his side of the family so…it's been hard."

"I can only imagine," Brittany sighs.

"I missed so much school last year too because I was just so distracted with everything going on. I really screwed myself so he's been on my case this year to make sure I'm still in a position to get into a good school," Santana says.

"God Santana," Brittany replies, "I'm so sorry. I know I keep saying that but just…I can't think of anything else to say. I'm so speechless."

Santana nods and for a moment there's this faraway look on her face, "It's whatever now. I just… I wasn't ready, you know? I didn't even get a chance to tell my parents properly before they found out. I always was so careful. Dated the hottest guys, stayed on top of my grades, I was Co-Captain; I had this whole school wrapped around my finger just so no one would suspect a thing. I thought I could keep it up until graduation. I just thought I had more time to get everything figured out, you know?"

Brittany stays quiet this time, just soaking in everything Santana's said. It's all so heartbreaking. She can't imagine going through what Santana did. It must've felt like the whole world had turned its back on her and Brittany feels for her.

"So now you know about that," Santana says awkwardly as if she's trying to fill the silence, "This is why I'm a pain in the ass when it comes to my sexuality. Kurt and Mercedes have probably told you how cruel I've been to them and they're right about me there."

Brittany is quick to argue, "You were hurt, it takes time to heal especially from something like this."

"I was a bully and there's no excuse for it," Santana tells her, "I did what I did and I can't really take that back. I'm trying to be better now, but it's still hard for me to find the balance of what's me and what isn't. The lines have been blurred for so long."

"Well, I wasn't around to witness whatever happened between you and them or whoever you may have treated badly," Brittany says, "But this Santana I've come to know…she isn't a bully, she's my friend. She's considerate and patient. She volunteers her time to help me study and most importantly…she's nice."

"Thanks," Santana says shyly, "It's kind of cool having someone in my corner for once – other than Quinn, obviously. You're different. You make everything sound so simple, you know? You're just really wise, I guess."

Brittany chuckles at that, "I don't know about wise. I grew up in a very different place than you and I guess it shows."

"It really does," Santana agrees, "I hope I can get to where you are one day."

"You will," Brittany assures her.

"Thanks."

After a pause Brittany begins to wonder, "So whatever happened to the girl? The barista?"

"Oh," Santana frowns, "Nothing really, I just didn't know how to move forward after everything I put her through, you know? I felt bad about it all. She was really understanding I guess. Once she graduated a few months later, I never heard from her again."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Santana shrugs, "I wasn't like in love with her or anything. Honestly, I didn't expect her to stick around anyway. It was just too complicated. Sometimes it still feels that way, like I'm spinning my wheels and getting nowhere."

"Well, for what it's worth I think you're making great progress," Brittany says kindly.

"You think so?"

"Totally!" Brittany grins, "I mean, we went to Homecoming together. As friends, but did you ever imagine that would be something you'd do in high school? Have a cute girl like me for a date?"

Santana rolls her eyes at the teasing tone, "No one said you were cute."

"It doesn't have to be said," Brittany jokes.

Santana fights the blush, "To answer your question…No, I guess that's not something I imagined doing in high school."

"Consider it forward progress then," Brittany winks.

"Is that one of your football terms?"

"Yeah," Brittany giggles.

Santana shakes her head, "You're a dork."

"Rude," Brittany chuckles, "So what was this mysterious crush's name or is that top secret?"

"No it isn't top secret," Santana laughs. She softens a little like it's the first time she's said it out loud in awhile. In reality, it is. "Her name was Dani."

Brittany nods solemnly before reaching for her drink. It's cold by now but Brittany doesn't pay too much attention to it, she's still trying to process everything Santana's told her. She isn't surprised by how the kids at McKinley reacted to Santana's sexuality, but damn…she can't believe Santana went through something like that and she's still trying secure her spot at the top of the food chain.

That shows resilience and Brittany wonders if Santana knows how amazing she is for that. She notices how hard she struggles internally just from the couple of times they've talked about something other than school. Santana comments a lot on Brittany's traits and wanting to be like her one day, but Brittany finds herself wanting to embody just an ounce of what Santana has.

Other than her dad, Brittany doesn't think she's met anyone stronger than Santana and she really admires that about her.

"Sorry for bringing the mood down," Santana comments to fill the void. She has her pen in her hand again as she turns back to their work, "We can get back to this."

Brittany shakes away her thoughts, "No, don't be sorry. I was the one who asked, you didn't bring it down."

Santana smirks, "That's not what your face says."

Brittany relaxes, "I was just thinking – "

"About ending this session early?" Santana jokes.

"No," Brittany rolls her eyes playfully, "I was just thinking about how brave you are."

Santana looks surprised, almost disbelieving.

"All that stuff that happened to you; you could've switched schools, you could've changed your name and got a face lift, "Brittany rambles, "You could've dropped off the face of the Earth but you didn't. You still walk around the school like you own it even if you're afraid. I think that makes you brave."

"Or stubborn," Santana smirks, "Apparently I get that from my dad's side."

"Damnit Santana," Brittany grumbles though she smiles, "I'm trying to compliment you. Can you just take it? You don't always have to fight me. You do have good qualities about you even if everyone's trying to tell you otherwise."

Santana rests back in her chair and her brow is quirked but it's not in that challenging way Brittany's used to. It's more so impressed or maybe surprised? Either way, the smirk remains and Brittany awaits whatever snarky thing she's bound to say in reply.

"You've had chocolate powder on your nose this entire time," Santana notes instead, "Right on the tip. It's been very distracting."

Brittany's jaw drops and she quickly goes to wipe it off with the back of her hand. Sure enough, there's chocolate powder there and her cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment while Santana laughs her ass off.

"You're so hilarious, Santana," Brittany says sarcastically before she's reaching for Santana's discarded marshmallows and winds up to hurl one at her.

"Don't you dare, Pierce!" Santana laughs as she goes to hide behind her book.

"It's payback!"

"Take the high road!"

"Never!"

Soon marshmallows and wadded up napkins are being thrown back and forth while the baristas just watch from behind the counter laughing, "You guys are cleaning that up!"

Brittany just gives them a thumbs up before Santana's pelting her with a ball of crumbled up notebook paper.

\\\\\

For once, Santana actually feels genuine happiness.

It's been a long time, so long in fact that she can't remember the last time she felt happy but she's sure it doesn't involve Brittany. The past two weeks have been a blur for her. Not because they're so monotonous that the days blend into one, but because of how much lighter she feels now that she's being honest and open about everything.

Okay, maybe not everything and maybe she's not being honest and open with everyone but she's trying. For the first time, she actually feels like she's getting somewhere. With Brittany around, Santana feels like so much more is possible. To have someone like her rooting for her is something Santana's rarely experienced.

Sure, she has Quinn but with Brittany it hits differently and Santana might think she knows why.

It's silly, but she's started to count the number of times Brittany has smiled at her. Sometimes they're whispering about something in class and Santana will catch it from the corner of her eye. Sometimes she sees it from the other end of the hallway through the sea of students – it's like a beacon, a the light from a lighthouse guiding her through. Sometimes it's the first thing she sees when Brittany pulls off her helmet at the end of a game.

Santana finds her gaze lingering longer on those pretty pink lips, just watching the way they move around words that never quite reach her ears because her pounding heart drowns them out.

Santana has a pretty good streak going so far when it comes to seeing Brittany smile her way, but she's sure she would die the day she break it – if that day were to ever come.

She's hoping it never does.

But, Santana isn't the only one who has taken a closer look at their budding friendship.

\\

Santana's on her way to her locker with her books clutched against her chest and her head held high like always when out of nowhere JBI slides into her path.

She instantly scoffs at him.

"Why are you in my way?" She demands.

"Santana Lopez, Co-Captain of the Cheerios and dating the star quarterback Brittany S. Pierce," JBI says into his mic with that smug grin of his on his face.

Santana grits her teeth even though the hairs at the back of her neck stand on end. It's a big accusation and Santana hates how her heart both skips a beat before it plummets.

"Care to comment?" JBI prompts.

"We're not dating," Santana says firmly before shoving the mic out of her face. She tries to walk around him and get out of there as fast as she can but he cuts her off again.

"Our sources have spotted you two together at numerous locations over the last couple of weeks," JBI replies, "Seems like we're going to get a repeat of last year?"

Santana rolls her eyes. If she wasn't holding onto her books, her fists would be balled at her sides, itching to punch him square in the throat. That's exactly what he wants out of her though. He wants a show and he knows just what to say to get one.

"We were studying," Santana says evenly. Really, she shouldn't even be explaining herself but there's this tug of fear at the back of her mind that urges her to be on the defense.

"Studying? Is that what the kids call it these days?" He asks slyly.

Santana gives him a look, "What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means you two are totally hooking up," JBI looks pleased with himself. He can see he's starting to wear Santana down and if he keeps at it, she'll give him a show.

"How do you come to that conclusion?" Santana she retorts before brushing past him. She can see what he's doing and yet she still manages to get one foot caught in his web.

She tries to walk away, but she goes about three steps before he's reeling her back in. 

"You tell me," JBI sneers, "You're the one with a history of sucking face in public areas. Who's to say Brittany isn't your new conquest? I’m sure no one at this school would complain if another video of you and – "

Santana whirls on him and she's griping her books so tightly they're sure to snap. She's about two seconds away from losing it, so she tries to at least breathe before she accidentally kicks JBI's ass. 

“It’s not going to happen,” Santana threatens, "Leave her out of this."

JBI only grins, “So there is something going on between you two?”

Santana just huffs, “Fuck off, JBI.”

"Now you're refusing to answer the question? Interesting. Your closeness at Homecoming should've been the first indicator that something was up," JBI smirks as he turns to his camera friend, “You heard it here first, McKinley.”

Santana shakes her head, "You know what? I'm not doing this. I'm not going to get dragged onto your bullshit gossip blog again. Nothing is going on, so drop this before I go all Lima Heights on your ass."

"You don't scare me anymore," JBI stands tall, "Not after your very public downfall. That video of you running down the hall crying last year still has the most hits out of all my vids."

Santana's chest feels tight and she's afraid if she were to speak her voice would crack. She's both infuriated and humiliated but which overpowers the other? Is she going to let JBI run his mouth? Should she just ignore him and go about her day? She can't; she can't let him get away with peddling rumors about her again – not when they involve Brittany too.

She feels so conflicted, because despite how false these rumors are no one would believe her if she told the truth anyway. This school is so damn backwards they’ll listen to this dweeb with a mic before they hear the truth – especially when it comes to her private life. This is why she’s so hellbent on keeping everything she feels under wraps! You give these people an inch and they take a mile.

"Listen," Santana takes a threatening step forward. Her voice drips into something low and gravely, "You got away with it last time but I'm not playing games with you anymore so watch your goddamn mouth. This isn't like last year. Bree's not around to back you up."

"I don't need Bree," He says shakily, "You're not as high and mighty as you think you are. Your only saving grace now is that you're still somehow a Cheerio. Other than that? You're all talk."

Santana looks back at him in disbelief, "Is that so?"

JBI doesn't get a chance to reply before Santana's dropping her books and going to kick him between the legs. The shriek he lets out echoes down the hall but Santana doesn't stop. She goes for the camera-kid next and rips the camera from his hands before smashing it on the ground, pleased to see it shatter into chunks of plastic.

JBI scrambles to his feet and they begin to shove at each other while the camera-kid just stares wide-eyed at the mess that was once his beloved camera.

All Santana sees is red as students start to gather around them. Despite what she might say, Santana's not much of a fighter but JBI isn't much of one either so the match up is pretty even. Santana just swings her arms, hoping to land at least half of the blows she wants. All of this pent of frustration that's been building since last year has finally found an exit and its target is JBI.

It isn't until Mr. Schue notices the ruckus and rushes in to break it up.

"Woah!" He shouts, "What is going on here?"

"She assaulted me!" JBI cries before hiding behind the teacher.

"Like hell I did," Santana snaps and lunges at JBI again, "You haven't seen assault yet!"

"Hey!" Mr. Schue holds her back, "Principal's office, both of you. Let's go."

Santana only manages to grab her books before she's being pushed to towards the office with Mr. Schue's hand on her shoulder and JBI whimpering next to her. God, all she wants to do is kick him again for the dramatics – he really knows how to play an audience.

Just as they're about to cross the science wing, Santana spots her best friend in the crowd. Quinn is giving her a worried look but Santana's sure that one glance at JBI will have her connecting the dots. With him around, trouble always follows closely behind Santana.

Afterall, how long is she meant to take all of this crap before she actually does something about it? She didn't lash out at Bree. She didn't lash out with JBI. She didn't lash out at the entire school, so what the hell do they expect from her now?

She's been angry and frustrated about everything for so long and she has been bottling it up, trying to save face and make it to graduation but at what cost? She has to deal with it at school and at home and she can't do it anymore – something's gotta give, but what?

She's just tired.

She's been tired and she's so over being afraid of what everyone thinks about her. This isn’t anything like who she use to be. She use to feel confident in herself, she use to walk around the school like she owned – and maybe on the outside, it still looks that way. Inside though, she’s a wreck. Was it all an act or was she truly fearless? She’s been playing both sides for so long, she can’t even remember what’s real anymore.

All she knows it that she’s over it all and there comes a time when you have to start doing something about it.

For Santana, that time starts now.

[twilightvolt]

Well....that was one way to start a new decade, i guess. >  >’

Ok, from the death and destruction to the quarantine caused by viral disease to large parts of the world literally going up in flames, this year was like an ominous beginning that revealed the true ugly colors of everyone around us.

But there’s something telling me that that was just the universe releasing all of it’s built up rage from the last decade, so to think on the bright side, the only way to go is up now, right?

Regardless, pushing all the crap that happened this year aside, this feels like one of my best years yet in terms of art. i don’t think there’s any wedge of this clock that i wasn’t completely satisfied with and i had a TON of tough decisions on what to put in said wedges cuz i just luved almost everything i’ve created this year.

If you’re up to it, i’ll have my usual month to month reflection under the cutoff, but if you’re not, i hope to keep giving y’all even better art next year! ^  ^

So without further ado, let’s review!

January: ~ Days ~

Runner up: Team Solar Rises Again! (drawing in celebration of PMD finally returning with a remake of the first game)

Kicking off right where 2019 left off, i was hot on the heels of my Beastars phase, still cranking out countless drawings and doodles, mostly featuring Legoshi, and even hanging around the Beastars Amino and making some new friends there. this piece in particular i think encapsulates what i was mostly doing at the time, making up stories and stuff within canon to give myself more wolf boi content. which is something that i rarely do normally since i’ve mostly just done OC related writing before this.

February: - Sk8ter Wolf -

Runner up: Re:Hukaro (That thing i drew for Moon)

Ahh yes, the day i peaked with punk rock energy and created something in a highschool notebook sketch style. ngl, with the release of Beastars’ english dub on the way and the fandom quickly growing, i felt like i was on fire with the amount of stuff i was drawing. i felt so inspired and things can’t possibly go bad.

Or can it?

March: We Can Be Heroes

Runner up: One More Day, Emo Bird Boi Sketchies

Ahh yes, the month the worldwide quarantine started because they discovered the virus around this time. from this point onward, time pretty much meant absolutely nothing since i was stuck indoors for a majority of the year, only going out if i had to. on top of that, i tried a little attempt at a fandub and got picked on immediately by yahoos on Youtube. it...wasn’t fun.

I tried doing a little challenge i made up called Animarch where i drew a drawing representing anime i liked every day, but i only got about 5 days in i think? ehh, whatever. i did try, so that means something. lol

April: - ANOTHER SIDE -

Runner up: BEAST CROSSING ~Legoshi & Raymond

This was pretty much the final month i drew anything Beastars related as i slowly started shifting back to Pokemon due to the wait for season 2. but not before getting the new Animal Crossing and drawing a thing with Raymond and Legoshi that would blow up with hundreds of notes and interactions across every platform i posted it on. lmao

Regardless, i feel like Another Side was a perfect way to end that phase of my art journey. it’s like a nice finale to a long string of ideas that i will totally return to once season 2 drops next year.

May: - KOUJI -

Runner up: Fashion (that sketch of Alex and Jet in casual clothing)

What happened this month again? oh right, i went back to Digimon for a hot minute cuz i continued playing the copy of Cyber Sleuth Complete that i won from a giveaway on Twitter and created Alex and Jet, my latest Tamer and her Hawkmon partner. i should really do some more stuff with them.

ANYWAY,

June: - DOUBLE TROUBLE -

Runner up: “No Time to Waste! HENSHIN!” (AF attack against IonicIsaac on Twitter), Cafe Mix ~Ace, Yagami, Lance and Seliph

Art Fight. third year. and this time i kicked things up a notch and beat my old record from last year!...after uhh....cramming in 8 attacks at the very last night and totally going insane from the amount of sleep i lost. ^  ^’

But trust me when i say i will NOT do that again next year, i swear.

July: Squad Up

Runner up: Comin’ Out to Stun (Jet the Hawk sketches)

So after playing and beating PMDX, i started fleshing out Lance and Selpih’s characters and made more art and stories surrounding them and the rest of the team. one of those being a drawing for Mystery Dungeon Day, which happens the day after Odaiba Day. which is in August. why did i put this down for July then? some questions just don’t need to be answered.

August: - TOGETHER -

Runner up: In the Storm

You can tell by now just how uneventful life was this year cuz i have literally nothing else to talk about other than the art parts. no life issues, no big adventures like moving or something. just....indoor stuff.

It’s...kinda sad, now that i think about it. but hey, at least i was making the most of my time, trying new things and getting around a bit more.

September: Small World

Runner up: Rescue Together, PMD Forever!, Midnight Adventuring, Down Time

So this year, i turned 21, which a lotta people say is important. not really, if you can’t do much i guess. though, i did crank out a ton of art i’m super satisfied with as you can see by how hard it was to frickin’ pick one to use for this month’s wedge on the clock.

October: Feathers of the Shadows

Runner up: PAPERMOON - Final Mix - (not picked because it’s a touch up of an older drawing)

Hoo boi, this month was crazy. cuz i drew a whole lotta e d g e .....and a whole lotta Murkrow. lol

It was fun letting my inner edgelord out this month. even if nothing really significant happened in reality.

November: ~ One More Game ~

Runner up: UPokerap Project: Frogadier, - LEAF STORM -

This month....was actually kinda rough. it was basically me falling into a depressive episode after a scare at the dentist made me worry about my self image and insecurities again. but this time it really hit me just how much permanent damage i’ve done to myself in that aspect of my appearance. i know i shouldn’t worry so much, but it’s not great when people tell you to smile when the most i can do is grin since i’m just so....unhappy with my teeth.

But then around the end of the month, i stumbled upon a Pokemon themed Discord server with people that made me feel....not as alone as i suddenly felt i was. which i’m glad i could meet them even after only knowing them for a month now. if they’re reading this, i hope you know i’m thankful for raising my spirits when there’s still things i just can’t do due to financial issues.

December: Colors of the Heart  + Happy Holidays! ~Grovyle ver.

Runner up: ~ After the Battle ~ (the two part KHII anniversary drawing), - XIII -, Sketchmon: Buizel

And now this month. on top of my insecurities, i’ve now been struggling with my frustration with not being noticed as much as i should, watching as some people quickly climb up in following when i’m going much slower. honestly, i feel like the months when everything started lightening up for the world....was when things started falling apart for me. yeah, i know. pretty depressing way to end, huh? i hit 300 before the year ended thanks to the support from my new friends though, so i’m actually pretty happy.

But that doesn’t mean i’m not still scared of the future. i mean i have my teeth to worry about and also my wisdom teeth are coming in. so next few months...might be kinda rough.

Though, that’s not to say i didn’t soldier through it. this month i pushed myself, plowed through as many commissions as i could get to raise money for my new computer and made some of the best drawings that to me, feel like a great accomplishment. even if a couple of them weren’t as grandiose as some of my previous work. it was a big step forward for me as an artist. at least in my eyes.

And i have a feeling....that it can only get better from here.

[nycttophilic-a]

Lia Michaelis~

=BASIC INFO= FULL NAME: Jezilia Michaelis NICKNAME(S)/ALIAS(ES): Jez (by her dad), Jezilia (by everyone in the Port Mafia), Lia (by her mom). Lia is NOT her nickname—yet—, but your muse can definitely give her that name. She starts all threads by only going by Jezilia. PRONUNCIATION(S): Jez-ee-lee-a AGE: 23, verse dependent GENDER: Female SPECIES: Human (ability user)  BIRTH DATE: October 31st SEXUALITY: Panromantic demisexual =PERSONALITY= PERSONALITY: Dark, dreary, mysterious, twisted, brilliant, cold EMBODYING QUALITY/IDEA: A really dark and mysterious introverted woman.  LIKES: Being alone, music, reading, writing music, sweets, darkness DISLIKES: People, crowds, bright lights, the outdoors, obnoxious people, the Port Mafia FEARS: Crowds, losing her loved ones WEAKNESSES: She has very little empathy, and expresses little to no emotion. It’s hard for her to show love to the people she cares about. She often struggles to convey her feelings to them, so she just doesn’t do anything about them and suffers in silence. Also has severe anxiety in crowds. STRENGTHS: determined, strong willed, musically talented SPECIAL/SIGNIFICANT BELONGINGS: She has a crystal necklace around her neck that belonged to her mother. She is always wearing it, but it’s not often seen. =PHYSICAL AND HEALTH INFO= HEIGHT: 5′10 WEIGHT: 122 lbs BODY TYPE: Tall and very slender as well as precise over every movement she makes. JEWELRY: Black earrings, a black choker, dark jewelry like that. Her mother’s necklace PIERCINGS/TATTOOS: Normal ear piercings, her left ear has a couple other piercings  SCARS/DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Her hair is raven black but her bangs are white as snow, so that’s an easy way to find her in a crowd. Body has scars from extensive training.  =RELATIONSHIP INFO= RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Verse dependent PARENTS: Kira Black (mother, supposedly deceased); William Michaelis (father, deceased) SIBLING(S): None (ability, Demona, is like a sister to her) – BEST FRIEND(S): Demona FRIENDS: N/A ACQUAINTANCES: N/A ASSISTANTS: her squad, the Shadow Demons GUARDS: N/A ALLIES: The Port Mafia PETS/SPECIAL ANIMALS: – ENEMIES: The ADA, the Guild, the Rats, the DoA (verse dependent) MAIN ENEMY(IES): ADA, Mori, her father MOST HATED: Her father, herself =STORY INFO= STORIES THAT THIS CHARACTER APPEARS IN: Bungou Stray Dogs STATUS: Alive BACKSTORY: Lia’s parents grew up together and lived on the streets together in London. Her father was secretly an executive in the Port Mafia, but her mom didn’t know this. One day, he left for work and never came back. Kira was pregnant with their child, which she didn’t realize before. She was sixteen. When Lia was 3, she and her mother were attacked in their apartment. The details are still unknown, and it’s believed that her mother died (which is what Lia believes as well). Her father, unaware that he had a child before hand, came and collected her. From then on he trained her under him in the Port Mafia. The training was brutal and what no child should go through, but he really did love her and want the best for her. He thought what he was doing was for the best. Lia hated what he did to her but had very mixed feelings about her father. When she was fifteen, she finally snapped and shot him in the chest, killing him. She thought that if she killed him she would be free from the mafia life, but she was sorely mistaken. Mori (who had just became the new boss at this point) allowed her to live despite the fact that she killed an executive, which is treason in the PM. This is because of how strong her ability is. Even though he allowed her to live, she’s still a prisoner without anyone realizing it. She’s more trapped than she ever was now, but her shackles are invisible. No one knows what happened to her father, and it’s said an enemy organization killed him. Mori wants to keep Lia’s little “slip up” a secret because if the PM ever learned that he allowed the murderer of an executive to live, they would want him dethroned. And we can’t have that.  – PLACE OF BIRTH: London, the United Kingdom PAST LIVING QUARTERS: London. CURRENT AND FUTURE HOMES: Yokohama. – NATIVE LANGUAGE(S): English  LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English, Japanese, French, a tiny bit of Russian (only from being exposed to it), some German, Japanese sign language  =TALENTS/OCCUPATION/EDUCATION= OCCUPATION/JOB: Mafioso—squad leader  BOSS: Mori TALENTS: Stealth, experience in combat, her ability.  YEARS OF EDUCATION: No formal education, taught some things by William.  LEVEL OF EDUCATION: N/A =COMBAT= SKILLS/TECHNIQUES: Prefers long range attacks. Has excellent agility and is pretty strong. Relies heavily on her ability, but is good at hand to hand anyway. Just in case. SPECIAL POWERS: Her ability, “Demon’s Embrace”. This allows Lia to manipulate and control shadows. She can use these shadows to do pretty much anything, like attack, hide her, transport her/other things and/or people, sense the area around her, give her night vison, and almost anything else. She can make the shadows solidify so that she can attack people and make tendrils that impale her victims, so in this sense her ability is similar to Akutagawa’s. HOWEVER, one major downfall to her ability is that she cannot make shadows. This means she’s basically ability-less during the day and in any sunlight, so she does most of her work at night. During the day the most she can do is create throwing knives from the shadows of her hood hat disappear in a matter of seconds. Her ability is the strongest at midnight with no moonlight.  WEAPON(S) OF CHOICE: Her ability. If she can’t use her ability, she often will just use a gun that’s hidden under her coat. Will use her own two fists if necessary.  STRENGTHS: Agile, fast, excellent at long range attacks at night, is basically undefeatable when in complete darkness, high pain tolerance  WEAKNESSES: Can’t use her ability in light and also become physically weaker and drained in light, especially daylight.  =VERSES= ~hσld чσur вrєαth αnd cσunt thє dαчѕ; wє‘rє grαduαtíng ѕσσn~ [High School Verse]—Lia, a human now, is quiet and dark and often can be found listening to music and not paying attention to class or those around her. She secretly works every day to provide for her adoptive sister and mother, since Kira is a single mom trying to become a doctor.

~ѕσund σf mч hєαrt; thє вєαt gσєѕ σn αnd σn~ [Band Verse]—Another Verse where Lia is human. In this one, she’s a quiet (erm, silent) electric guitar player who secretly has a few hundredsongs up her leather sleeves.

~í’m α crєαturє whσ‘ѕ up tσ nσ gσσd; í‘ll lσvє чσu líkє α vαmpírє wσuld~ [Vampire Verse]—This verse is very simple and the same for all of the muses that have it: the character is a vampire. This verse is very flexible, so if you have ideas please let me know so we can incorporate it into the thread!! But it’s nothing major, I just love vampires lol

~wє clαím thє lαnd αnd thєn thє hσrízσn; αnd σntσ thє wσrld íf wє ѕσ dєѕírє~ [BSD-Decay of Angels! Verse]—This is a side verse to Lia’s BSD verse. Here, Lia met Osamu Dazai in the Port Mafia and fell in love with him, only to have him leave her. At first, she believes him to be dead because that’s the easiest to believe. But when she learns he’s alive, she’s furious and destroyed to know that he would leave her in darkness after showing her this beautiful light. So, when a certain Russian approaches her and asks her if she wanted an escape from her dark and lonely life, who was she to say no? Thus, she joined the Decay of Angels...

~gσd dαmn ríght; чσu ѕhσuld вє ѕcαrєd σf mє~ [Tokyo Ghoul Verse]—In this verse, Lia is a half ghoul from birth. Kira was a human (died in childbirth) and Sebastian was a ghoul (whereabouts unknown). Lia is an incredibly strong ghoul, since she’s a one eyed ghoul, but no one would be able to tell. She lives her life as a human like Eto does, hiding her ghoulish nature. She’s also a member of the CGG, and an excellent one at that.

~íf í tσld чσu whαt í wαѕ wσuld чσu turn чσur вαck σn mє?~ [Monster! Verse]—An AU where the world is humans/monster hunters vs. monsters. Here, Lia is a wisp. She was created by the demon that protected a certain forest in order to lure humans in for him to devour. She isn’t alive and never was, so she doesn’t understand emotions and being alive. But she’s willing to learn. More information can be found here.

~í cαn вє hαppч wíth чσu; вut í cαn‘t вє hαppч íf í‘m dєαd~ [Simulation Verse]—Do you want to ship your muse with one of my four girls? Then this is the verse for you!! That is, if you’re prepared for some REALLY messed up shit and triggers like suicide, abuse, murder, blood, and many others. This verse is not at all for the faint of heart, and it’s best if you don’t really know what you’re in for. If you want to learn a bit more about this verse, you can find it here.

~tαkє mє thrσugh thє níght; fαll íntσ thє dαrk ѕídє~ [Villain! Verse]—A verse for My Hero Academia. Lia is just a normal human in this verse, and not related to Kira in any way. She works for the government as an investigator and uses her quirk—Hood: if she pulls her hood over her head she goes invisible—to investigate villains. However, she’s actually a villain in secret. She works for Anne and Leic at the Underworld (villain organization) to get info on other villains. She is loyal to them, not the government.

like this post if you have read it and agree to it, please.

[chillihansol]

barista!jeonghan (click for HD)

yoon jeonghan is part of the city barista squad

and the laziest one

he requested to work on making the coffees and less interacting to customers

bc he does not have enough energy to ask the same thing over and over lol

it’s fine with their manager bc his co-worker is luckily hoshi

so hoshi does the talking while jeonghan does the drinks

their shifts start right after seungkwan’s and seungcheol’s

jeonghan makes the best coffee out of the four workers in the city

seungcheol is the worst

and people love his coffee so they often ask if jeonghan is around

he often takes nap on the storage room when there are no customers 

which is also the reason why he smells like coffee all the freaking time

besides the fact he makes them, he also sleeps with the packages of coffee beans hahaha

since jeonghan is a multi-talented barista, his latte arts are very known in the city

people would tag him on social media for making such a beautiful latte art

seungcheol is so envious of him 

ofc, his rosette latte art is the best and the most wanted design

sometimes. he’d try to make cute animals

or a trail of mini hearts

jeonghan is pretty famous too

like junhui

one time, he encountered the same situation when the girls didnt know what to order bc they dont drink coffee 

anyways,, jeonghan loves his job

but he also loves it when his shift ends bc he goes straight to the nearest park

he will have a cup of creamy coffee in his hands while he sits on the bench and inhales some natural breeze

this is his routine

going back to the shop, jeonghan is pretty close to some customers too

tho not as much as soonyoung does

but he’s close to a few,,

and this few includes you

in fact, you are the closest to jeonghan

jeonghan enjoys your company all the time

he’d even forget about his nap hours for you :’’)

you met jeonghan through dk

bc you’re into latte arts, dk recommended jeonghan’s coffee place bc the campus cafe does not necessarily make such thing

so you met jeonghan four months ago

and tbh

you hesitated if he is the jeonghan bc damn, he’s a t t r a c t i v e

the first time you met him, the shop was really packed with ppl, and the baristas where working really fast behind the counter

you somehow stopped yourself from ordering a latte art bc they seemed really busy that time

but you stayed there for a while, waiting for the customers to lessen in a bit, until there were only a few of them when you made your way to the counter and a cute guy with small eyes smiled at you widely

you looked at his named tag, and it said ‘soonyoung’

then you looked at the other barista whose back was facing you

and you couldnt help but stare at his broad shoulders

and his lean torso

and his silky light brown hair

until ‘soonyoung’ cleared his throat and you snapped back to reality

“hyung, i think she’s one of your fans”

slafksa your eyes widen and shook your head too immediately, and you were like nononononono 

ofc, jeonghan turned around to look who this person soonyoung was pertaining about and he found you, and saw your flustered face

it was so embarrassing

and that time, you wanted to punch this soonyoung in the face for jumping to conclusions easily

luckily, jeonghan didnt ride soonyoung’s trip

“no, i think she’s dokyeom’s friend”

and you were nodding your head too quickly for agreeing on him

the sight looked so cute in jeonghan’s eyes so this brought a huge smile on his face

poor soonyoung who was so clueless

“dk told me you were coming today, i was just doing a latte for you” he said, walking closer to the counter 

as he stopped by it, he leaned down to match your height and rested both of forearm on top

who is this handsome guy and why does he smell like coffee

your head jerked away from the closeness of his figure to you,,,,,and it was so awkward so you put out a hand and introduced yourself

“im y/n”

“i know. im jeonghan”

“i know”

so jeonghan’s first latte art for you was the usual rosette 

tho it was the most common design, you still thought how talented jeonghan is

and how thoughtful he was for doing your coffee in advance

thanks to dk

the first time you met him, he actually sat in front of you as you took one of the tables,,,,basically, jeonghan ditched his job just to have your company, and his shift was ending anyways

so you continue to meet jeonghan in the next months, but not daily, since you often get your regular coffee from the campus cafe

you visit him twice or thrice a week and he’d give you a pre-made latte art :’)

how sweet

as you continue to know more about jeonghan,, one day, you found him sitting on a bench at the university park

his eyes were closed and his arms were crossed on his chest, a cup of coffee was resting beside him,, and he was also wearing a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up which looked so attractive on him skhfasljs

you thought that he wouldnt mind your company so you quietly sat beside him, and jeonghan wasnt bothered at all

“hi y/n”

this made you jump from your seat bc,, did he see you?? with his closed eyes??

but you tried to play it cool, “how did you know it was me?”

“no one really approaches me except for you” he chuckled, and finally opened his eyes to look straightly at you

and you swore, a bucket of butterflies was poured in your stomach

knowing jeonghan, his shift in the coffee shop was done at that time,,,but that was the only time you found out that he likes chilling on the park

and you were taken a back bc,, you never saw him there, considering that you are always at the park too

this brought the two of you to another stage of friendship,,,when you visit jeonghan, you’d wait for his shift to finish so both of you could chill on the park and talk about stuff

if the weather’s not good, he wouldnt ask for you to stay in the cafe but you’d end up still staying bc you enjoy his presence too much

there are times when jeonghan has to work overtime,

and if there are no customers, he’d bring you to the storage room and continue to hang out with you

soonyoung gets very suspicious,,, bc he thinks you and jeonghan do something pg there

but truthfully, you were just lazily talking together

the others found out about your relationship friendship with jeonghan

and seungcheol was so sure the boy is in love with you bc he forgets his nap hours just to hang out

and he thought you are going to be jeonghan’s distraction and jeonghan would not be able to make good coffees anymore

there was a moment when you somehow realized that you already have feelings for him too,,,and you were kind of scared bc your friendship with him has grown so much and you didnt want to ruin it bc of your feelings

let’s not forget about jeonghan’s fans, right???

so one day, you were chilling with him again, when a group of girls came inside the shop

with soonyoung greeting them enthusiastically, they saw you and jeonghan being all giddy and happy while talking to each other

you were not sure if jeonghan saw it but you caught this girl giving you a glare

and she whispered smth to her friends and they gave you a glare too

fite me

tbh, you didnt like ppl giving you that kind of treatment, and jeonghan seemed to notice that you became quite uncomfortable, asking if you were okay

when soonyoung finally took their order, jeonghan excused himself to make the drinks

you might or might not had been watching his figure as he make the coffees

when he came back to hand the drinks to the girls, one of them had the aUDACITY TO WALK ON YOUR DIRECTION AND ‘ACCIDENTALLY’ SPILL THE VERY HOT DRINK ON YOU

SNDJSNLKS IT WAS SO HOT

you yelped in pain, jeonghan was shocked and panicked, the girl pretended that she was sorry, and her friends were quietly enjoying the scene

jeonghan ran from behind the counter to go to you

“can you be more careful next time?” you asked bitterly

and boy oh boy, the girl was like “maybe if you weren’t blocking the way and flirting with him then this wouldnt happen to you”

jeonghan for sure was so mad from what she said,, and you were not having it

“maybe if you were actually really nice then jeonghan would have flirted with you, but you’re not.”

YOU GO GURL

jeonghan bit his proud smile from what you said, but he was still kind of mad from what the girl did to you

“pls be careful next time and try not to hurt any customer” he said, a hint of annoyance was evident in his voice

then he turned to you and whispered “come with me”

you followed him to the storage room, and the girls were left in surprise,, while soonyoung cleaned their mess

as you entered the room, you plopped down on the small seat and a pout came on your lips “they ruined my shirt” you muttered

he was getting something from his bag, then he handed you a hoodie, “change your shirt with this, i’ll be back”

then he was out of the room,,

when you replaced your ruined shirt with his hoodie, an unfamiliar manly scent lingered in your nostrils

it was jeonghan’s real scent

not the coffee scent

but his real scent that smelt so manly

when he came back, he had a cold compress on his hand, and squeezed himself beside you

the drink was spilled on your side and near your chest, so jeonghan hesitated for a second before pressing the compress

“do you want me to do it or you can do it by yourself”

you chuckled at how flustered he was, ofc, you got the compress from his hand and put it inside the hoodie

while you did that, he snaked an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him

then pressed his cheek on your forehead

djaslkdjsalkdj

“i need to ask my manager to ban ppl from going here if they’re going to cause any trouble”

and as he said that lowly, you wanted to melt in his arms bc he’s so sweet and concerned to you :’(

“you don’t really have to do that, you’ll lose bunch of customers. i guess, i’ll be the one to adjust” you mumbled

“no, i want you here. if you stopped coming, i’ll resign and apply to the campus cafe then”

that time, you were so sure that the feelings are mutual

so,,,,you pulled a way to have a better view of his face, then pressed your warm lips on his cheek

“spill. are you in love with me???”

“and what if i am?”

“i dont believe you”

then in a second, his lips connected with yours,,and he didnt pull away until you kissed him back

when the two of you separated, he muttered under his breath “you taste like coffee” and earned a subtle smack on his chest from you

and you started dating on that day thanks to the girl who spilled coffee on you : )

jeonghan didnt resign on his job,, but the girls just stopped showing up in the shop and he is more than glad

you’d still visit him, and he’d still give you a latte art

esp when you’re not feeling very well, he’d make a heart design for you

jeonghan just loves you so much

when you couldnt visit him, the two of you would just meet by the nearest park and you’d have your time together there

when he’s not working, you’d go into park adventures with ofc, a cup of coffee

bc jeonghan, parks, and a cup of coffee are your love :’)

maybe you love jeonghan a lil more hehe

and he does the same to you 

☕ more barista!au : s.coups  |  jeonghan  |  joshua  |  junhui  |  hoshi  | wonwoo  |  woozi  |  dokyeom  |  mingyu  |  the8  |  seungkwan  |  vernon  |  dino

layout credit; by pdmapatil © to the owner of the photos. I do not own any of the photos used. 

[whitewolfbumble]

Those Unspoken Years (Sam Wilson x Reader, One Shot)

Summary: You, Sam, and Riley were a team, but because you had failed on that one fateful mission, everything changed. Back home, you were still trying to work through your guilt when your old partner shows up and faces you again.

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Reader

Warnings: Death, PTSD, survivor’s guilt, language, some angst liberally peppered in!

Word Count: About 3.5k

A/N: This was an Anon Request for Sam Wilson: “Hey so I was hoping if you could write fanfic with sam wilson and reader, they were like great mates in army and they reunited again, you know something nice, maybe a bit angsty. It’s just there are not so many sam fanfics and I think he deserves so much love. Thank you in advance” I hope you enjoy love! It’s certainly a little bit intense in spots! Forgive me any ignorance for the army stuff... I am chill Canadian and not really into that kind of thing! lol

MY MASTERLIST // SEND A MARVEL REQUEST

“Ten miles out, sweeping the target zone.” you said into the comm.

Your boys were up there, already in position, waiting for your word. It was the second last mission before you left back to HQ then home. After this one you were air support for a convoy. Basic. An easy send off to a challenging and rewarding few years together as a team.

You were the 58th squadron, an elite pararescue team, skilled in the EXO-7 Falcon proto-type. No one was better than your team was.

The three of you had been a unit for three years now: training, living, surviving, and kicking ass together. You hadn’t expected it to be easy, but the three of you clicked faster than you thought.

You were their commanding officer. A woman, trying to keep in line two young flyboys with egos and attitudes too big to fit into a jet plane, much less a jet pack. But your own attitude rivaled most men and you had the added benefit of giving the orders here. Eventually your relationships eased into ones of respect and devout trust once they realized you were always right, you would always keep them safe, and you were definitively not without humour yourself.

By now, you actually loved these two jerks.

“Skies are looking good up here... I’m really going to miss this.” Riley said wistfully.

“Don’t worry soldier, the sky happens to be pretty well all over the world so youre in luck.” you teased.

“Ha, ha.” he said drily.

Though your voice was light and easy, your eyes were scanning the screens in front of you, bunkered down in a big canvas tent, boots digging into the sand underneath you. Your base of operations was wherever you needed it to be, and today it was in a scalding hot hidden inlet on the edge of a pile of rocks. Hidden from view, you stayed focused on the images in front of you, your two flyboys little blips on the screen.

Despite the satellite image you pictured them up there, cloud and air whipping past them, focused and flying free.

“Readjust Wilson, keep steady at 43 degrees.” you said in your smooth commanding tone, before switching back to your normal one. “I’m surprised you left that come-back to me Sam... Loosing your touch in your old age? We have been out here a few years now.”

“Flight path adjusted, 43 degrees. Confirmed.” said Sam. “Hardly, just looking forward to getting the sand out of my boots for good and home to sweet ole American soil.”

“Aren’t we all.” you agreed, shifting your boots in deeper. “Eight miles out and counting.”

“Eight miles. Confirmed.” came Riley’s voice.

“So where are we flying off to after this?” Sam said. “I’m thinking somewhere at night...”

“A boozy downtown bar.” you filled in, continuing his idea.

You were used to playing this game with Sam. Imagining happier scenarios than the ones you were in kept you all sane. Of course it would be shut down by you before they engaged, but it kept any nerves at bay in the meantime. The storm was bad enough sometimes, and waiting for it in anxious silence just made it worse.

You had tried in the early days to play the three of you, but Riley’s suggestions were always boring when he did answer, which usually had took ten minutes. Part of the game included the one who broke the chain had to buy a round of drinks. Riley would always make you both break out of feigned frustration so it was easier just to exclude him (much to everyone’s playful jabs back at the base).

“Playing Smokey Robinson.”

“With one smoking hot bartender Jacques.” you teased, flicking on the backup satellite locator, used to pinpoint your two flyboys should satellite one go down.

You were always careful. It had kept the three of you alive so long. Triple checking and vetting any intel was part of the daily routine.

“With you there, I have all the smoking hot I need.” Sam quipped.

“Ha ha, yeah right Wilson.” you said, interrupting the game. It meant you had to buy the next round, but you didn’t care.

“What? This is our last mission. I can finally start flirting with you.” he said.

“Second last,” you corrected, keeping the flutter in your stomach down. “I’m still you commanding officer until it’s done.”

“And when it’s done, I’ll ask you out to that downtown bar.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure you will.” you said, a little roll to your eyes to no one. 

More than once Sam had flirted with you- just a little- but just enough to keep you wondering and keep a little burning heat flaming in your gut. Deflecting was easier than going along with his subtle words. It would save your heart quite the crashing fall if he was just joking.

You were secretly head of heels for that sarcastic, kind-hearted fool. His bravery and soul-rooted goodness shocked you time and time again. He had not once failed to do the right- and often the hard- thing. Your respect for Sam had grown through the years, planting itself deeper in your heart day by day. In a world full of blood and death and bullets, his steadfast warm-heartedness remained.

And now it wasn’t long until you could find out for sure if he felt the same.

But also, not long until you could actually act on it. Once this and the next mission was done, he would no longer be your subordinate. You could flirt with him as much as you wanted too. Go on that date like you wanted too. Find out if kissing him was an exercise in expressing his gentle spirit, or intensity like he had during a fight...

“Alright boys, comms cleared.” you said, clearing your throat. It was definitely warm in here, for a few reasons. “We’re t-minus five miles until the target. Systems and secure comm check now.”

“Sam, systems cleared. Mission is a go.”

“Riley, systems cleared. Mission is a go.”

“You know the drill, and easy point a shoot, alright. Target coordinates are locking in now, just following the big green ball, grab the loot, then turn tail and fly home. No heroes today, neither of you are cut out for it”

You switched your target system from standby to active, the recon team under your command having swept and vetted the area. The target- Khalid Khandil- was clear, located in a small building on a large private property lot. 

Rampant security detail kept helicopters or more serious artillery from moving in, so your elite squad was called in. The mission was to take out the security detail surround him, extract the target, and get back to base. Minimal casualties predicted. Stealth and speed was the name of your game, and the three of you had that in spades.

“All points, confirm guidance system up.” you continued, flicking on systems in prep for engagement.

“Guidance confirmed.” they both rung out. Little green lights should be lighting up the enemies in their googles now, while yours were on another screen that tracked their vitals

“One mile out. Okay, make me proud boys.” you said, as you always did. “Engage full force when you are within range.”

You were miles and miles away from them so all you had was you monitor screen of the satellite image and their voices on the comm. But you had been in the field yourself for years. You knew exactly how harry a fight could get, and how fast.

The comms were silent now, everyone holding their tongue as their energy went into focusing, breathing, and mentally preparing for this mission.

It only took a few minutes for everything to go to shit and your worst nightmare became your reality.

“Firing at will!” Sam yelled in his comm, sudden sounds of bullets ringing out. “Enemies engaged!”

The boys rang out the numbers they took down, calling back for support from the other when needed, you directing and commanding the two from afar.

But soon you heard explosions above the bullets. They were terribly loud with a high pitched keening sound before a cracking boom. You knew that sound.

“Wilson, confirm what it is I’m hearing. Are there explosions RPG’s?” 

Your screen was lighting up like bursts of light were popping up all around them. You knew what it was before you asked, your stomach sinking.

“Confirmed! RPG’s!” Riley answered back, yelling over the shrieking noise, unending sound of a full firefight coming in loud and clear.

“Ten men down- shit!- eleven!” Sam roared, dodging grenades and explosions.

This was wrong, the fight should be over by now. On your screen you saw multiple enemies looking to be coming out of bunkers among the flashes of light. 

This kind of engagement was too much for the two of them. Your recon of the area didn’t pull any of this up and they needed to get out of there now.

“Pull back!” you shouted to them. “That’s an order!”

Your instincts were generally flawless, and this may have just started but it wasn't ending fast enough. You didn’t consistently win and you didn’t save lives by taking unnecessary risks. Your commanders put a lot of stock in that, appreciating you taking such good care of their expense equipment. You more so cared about the men in it.

You watched the two of them whiz around the area chaotically, trying to avoid grenades rocketed in the air, exploding all around them.

“Squad, I’m pulling you out now! Get back to base, that is an order. We aren’t pr-” you started, before Riley spoke over you.

“They all have them, I can’t -we can’t-”

An explosion rang out loud in your headset, jerking you from a tense sitting position to standing, eyes wildly searching the screen for your squad.

His terrified, pained scream blasted your ears on the other end, before silence.

And in that moment your world was shot out of the sky.

“Wilson, Riley!” you screamed into the headset, heart somehow both racing and stopped in your chest. “Confirm your positions!”

But the screen didn’t lie. 

He was gone.

Riley was gone.

Shot out of the sky.

Miles away from him, you watched their vitals, one little blip where two should be.

You were the commanding officer. 

This was on you. 

Solely on you. 

You had killed him.

“Sam,” you said, voice low and loud, instantly in full commander mode. “Our satellite has Riley down, can you confirm?”

“He’s... he’s.” Sam sputtered, then let out a ferocious yell, whizzing through the air, firing everything he had in shock and pain and fury. You saw enemy after enemy go down at his skilled hand.

“Confirm damn it!”

“Confirmed.” he yelled eventually, voice cracking. “I have an opening, do I have confirmation to take it?

You paused a split second before continuing, shocked and weighing your options quickly. Voice steady you answered as your eyes filling up with tears.

“You complete this mission and get that son of a bitch, then get your ass back here now, soldier! That’s an order!”

Years later, you were back in D.C.

Your life since losing Riley was a myriad of deep uncover missions, taking you farther and farther away from that day, from Sam, from all of it. You received medals and honours, some public knowledge, many off the books. 

Your determination wasn’t about the recognition. It was about burying the pain of losing both Riley and Sam in the same day. In different ways they were both out of your life forever. The guilt of Riley’s death on your shoulders, the unspoken love for Sam strangling your heart.

You had a hard time with Riley’s death to this day but in the days just after the mission, it was a thousand times worse. You remembered the look on Sam’s face as he came back to base with Khalid Khandil in tow. Soldiers carried the man off, leaving the two of you there alone.

As you reached out for him, you dusty, grim soldier, you almost completely broke yourself. The only think keeping you up was how much Sam broke in your arms. He cracked and cried and crushed you under the weight of his grief. You held each other, riding out waves of pain and anguish and failure. But eventually, he pushed you away, wiping his eyes and leaving, unable to be near you.

He shut you down. And you understood why,

It had been your fault. All of it. You should have known. You should have been there. You should have managed the situation better. It was on you. And it was right that Sam blamed you. That he push you away because of it.

So Sam retired from the army, moving back to D.C.. But you couldn’t do that. Your punishment wasn’t enough. And you figured Sam wouldn't want you now, even in the same country as you.

So you stayed. And you fought. And you rose through the ranks. You collected badges and medals and honours and respect. You were an unstoppable, uncompromising force, channeling every bad experience you had into winning, into protecting those that you could protect. Because you couldn’t protect Riley. And you didn’t have the one person in this world that could make you feel something, anything resembling love or joy.

But your time there was not endless. It couldn’t be, even your superiors understood that.

So here you were now, back in D.C. of all places, on a special request. The last one you would receive.

The hall was dressed up simply, beige walls and folding chairs in front of the podium. They had moved it down off the stage at the back to the main floor, wanting a closer, more intimate feel.

Little flags and banners and frills were covered in red white and blue here. Your three colours were different: brown and black and red. Dirt and darkness and blood.

“Last week when I flew back here from my hometown,” you continued to the small crowd. A crowd of veterans and soldiers that understood your trauma. 

“I had a flight attendant with the same name as him. And all I could hear for the rest of the flight was the sound of him screaming as they killed him. As I let him die. It’s filled my dreams. It’s what I heard every time I put on my headset for a mission. The sound of a man- of a friend- dying because of my failure.”

You weren’t crying. You weren’t close to this anymore. It was life. This pain was what you’ve been experiencing for years. Crying over it now you might outwardly say to someone was childish, but inwardly you knew you just couldn’t spend that emotional energy on it. You had never fully dealt with it and just didn’t really know how. Same with the love you felt.

But you looked at the crowd of soldiers, all there for the same reason. They were all carrying the pain of the death of someone or the price of killing someone. They were trying. You all were trying to deal with this baggage.

“I came back here to receive my final honour for my service. A special ceremony in my honour, here at the capital. But all I’m going to be able to think about is the fact that he won’t be able to do that. That he didn’t get a chance. That he would've been a far better soldier than I turned out to be.”

You took a gulp of air before taking a gulp of water from a little dixie cup you brought up with you.

“But I’m going to try now. Try to grieve. Try to live. In honour of him, but for myself.”

Without the army as a cover, you had no choice but to do so now. 

With that, you sat down, and the speaker took up his spot back at the podium. He wrapped up the session, coming back to you to shake your hand afterward. You didn’t feel much like talking, so you politely excused yourself to get another little paper cup of water.

You didn’t notice that someone had been watching from the doorway behind you the entire time.

Standing at the little refreshment table, you threw away the little dixie cup, lingering while the others began filing out. You heard someone walking up beside you and turned to see a man you were not at all expecting.

Sam Wilson.

He hadn’t changed a bit, not to your eyes.

Wearing jeans and button up unlike the last time you saw him, he still wore the same crooked smile that always had made you smile unconsciously back.

This time you just couldn’t.

“Sam,” you breathed.

Shocked, he pulled you in for a hug. Memories of Sam coming back after Riley’s death, breaking in your arms flooded your mind.

When he pulled away, you cleared your throat, stepping back a little.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” you said, still shocked. You stomach was on the floor and your heart in your throat. “How are you?”

“Doing well, living my own life now.” he said lightly, though his eyes told another story. You just weren’t sure what. “Congratulations on your honour... though I just don’t think you’ve been doing too great huh.”

He nodded to the podium. You swallowed, unsure how to respond. 

How did you even talk to someone you had known deeply- had loved deeply- that was absent from your life for years? You had at one time spoken to him about your dreams, your feelings (save the ones for him), your goals and plans, everything. And he had done the same. 

Should you act like you had forgotten? That he wasn’t still- even after all these years- the most important person that has ever been in your life?

“I’ve taken my time,” you admitted. “Don’t know if I will ever get over it.

“Don’t say that.” he said, stepping forward, taking your hand. You looked at his hand in yours, feeling the smooth warmth spread across your fingers. Another, familiar warmth spread in your stomach.

It was only for a moment before he let go and stepped back a little. 

“I don’t mean to... well, I’m sure you have someone else in your life now, to help you.”

“No, not quite. The army kind of disapproves of that kind of thing on the job, and that’s where I’ve been since you left.”

“I didn’t want to leave.” Sam said, suddenly. Fuck, that wasn’t the point you were trying to make.

“No, no, you... I’m sorry, I don’t know why I put it like that.” It was impossible to think you would be this awkward with him of all people, but here you were, proving yourself wrong.

“I wanted to stay, Y/N. Really I did.” he said, voice low and rich like you remember it to be. “I would have stayed by you forever. But I just didn’t think you wanted me too.”

... What?

“Why did you think that?” you said, more than a little floored.

Before Sam could answer, a few volunteers came in to put away and clean the refreshment table you were standing against. Sam lightly took your elbow, leading you across the hall to a small, quiet room.

He took a moment, hands on his hips before getting into it. You tried not to focus on his lips, somewhat unsuccessfully. God, it had just been so long since you laid eyes on him. Long enough to convince yourself that the man you remembered was not the same as the real deal. But heart-achingly, he was even better.

“Listen, Riley’s death was awful.” Sam started, trying to find the words. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that or him. Because it was my fault. He was my partner and he died beside me. You blaming me for that and not want me around wa-”

“What?!” you exclaimed, completely floored before just letting the floodgates you had pent up for years open wide, unbelieving he could possibly have felt that way. Now the tears started coming, filling up your eyes with a vengeance for the years you denied them.

“I was the commanding officer. He was mine to look after, to protect. You both were. And I failed. I felt shattered, guilty for so many reasons, and I thought you didn’t want me around. I loved you and knew that it was all my fault, that you would never-”

But you didn’t finish, Sam’s arms wrapping around your waist, arms pulling you closer while his body pushed you back against the wall. He lips were suddenly set to yours, earnest and sweet.

He pulled away only slightly to look down at you. You hadn’t had enough time to stop the tears, looking up at him through still watery, stunned eyes.

“I uh, I understand now you said “loved” as in you don’t anymore...”

“You’re right,” you swallowed, gaze locked to his, drinking in his eyes and smell and heat pressed against you. “I said “loved” but I... meant, well I mean... love. I loved you then, and I just... never stopped.”

You felt his chest well with emotion, jaw clenching tight against it. You expected him to kiss you again, passionate and intense as his eyes grew a deep, fiery look. But instead, he softly moved his fingers across your cheek, surprising you with how gentle he was, then into your hair.

“I loved you too. I still do.” he said softly.

He might have kissed you. He might have literally just said he loved you. But you still couldn’t believe it. Not after all this time longing and aching for him.

“Since day one in fact, when you berated my ass for making a stupid, cocky decision, and saved my life in doing so.” he said, smiling at the fond early days you had together.

“Yeah,” you joked, looking down and wiping a tear away. “You were the worst soldier I had seen. I’m surprised you made it out alive.”

You let that line slip, heart sinking and body shocked still as you remembered.

Riley. 

Oh god, the pain gripped you again, seizing your lungs and soul. 

But Sam leaned back in, wrapping you into him deeply. He stood, holding you together like you had done for him once.

“I got through this,” he whispered in your ear. “Let me help you get through this.”

All you could do was wrap your arms tightly around him, pressing your face into him. 

"Just don’t let go, not this time.” you whispered through choking tears.

“Never.”

Thank you for the request, Anon! I have yet to read a single Sam fic or write for him, so I’d love to hear what you all thought!

Tags: @dontpanc @thefalconsam (because well, Sam)pp

[heavenofficialsbl]

H.O.B. Chapter 10

The Mountain’s Locked Ancient Temple, The Forest of Hanging Corpses part ii

Finally going to be caught up with the available chapters! After this should (hopefully) be smooth sailing, not finding time every day to live blog. It of course wasn’t necessary for me to live blog every day, but you know how addicting these stories can get ~ 💗 

Okay, let’s see what our boys are up to!

Okay so they all ahd their veils pulled off, which was bad, since it... Kept their yang energy in check? Some sort of energy. Bad things are gonna happen now

Yeah these ladies are going to go consume all of the peoples energy I believe

God how many times does he have to tell these people not to run? Chasing the prey makes it easier for them to pick you off!

Every time something happened, Xie Lian would have to say it at least thirty to forty times. However, there would always be people who turned a deaf ear to his warnings. He felt truly quite helpless.

You’re trying, sweetest Xie Lian, it’s their fault for being stupid

His silk seems to be quite helpful, I really do find it interesting

Oh, so they’re still low enough level that they can only hop?

The veils flew out as they spun in the air before neatly covering the heads of the two brides.

Lol good aim buddy. Or, I wonder if the veils would be attracted to the brides, and they WANT to be on their heads. That would make it easier to cover them up

After a moment, he finally couldn’t hold back and said, “Excuse me for this.” Xie Lian grabbed a hand from each bride... They began to fiercely destroy each other.

Quick thinking! He’s being polite to them even though they’re dead (or maybe even more so because they are). This method ensures they’ll be destroyed, but gives him the ability to continue finding other brides to take down

Ohhhhh I’m really curious as to what the ring of silk will do. Maybe a barrier of sorts? I like how it was described to have a ‘faint rainbow light’

Well at least Little Ying is listening

Yee-haw, its a barrier! That’s interesting, I’m really curious now as to the properties of the silks. Its seems that he can also control the length of the silks, though I’m not sure if its indefinite or they can only lengthen a certain amount

Okay now they’re rushing? I thought they were so stiff they could only hop!

“This skill had been practiced before, right?!”

Y-yeah, he has a lot of experience in placing corpses veils on their heads

I want to point out the difference between Xie Lian and the ‘youngster’ from before. Obviously the difference between them is so vast, not only because of their status (we don’t know about the youngster, but he’s probably not rich or high-ranked at all, if he’s going around with such an... Undisciplined group of men) but because of their age and amount of experience. Someone like Xie Lian who has 800 years of experience fighting demons and monsters of CLEARLY going to be much better at handling this situation than a young human with a superiority complex. The youngster feels the need to show his strength and intelligence through brash acts of bravery and bravado which only proves to confuse and endanger him and him men. He want’s to LOOK tough, because that means more to him than surviving as a ‘coward’ or a ‘looser’. Xie Lian doesn’t need to act foolishly, because he knows his strengths and he knows how to stop and analyze a situation. He knew the best way to bring out the bridegroom was to act the bride, and didn’t (to our knowledge) object to dressing up. It’s not about how he LOOKS, literally, but about fixing the situation and saving as many lives as possible. He doesn’t care if he looks the fool; he cares if innocent people die on his word or his action.

Okay stepping off my soapbox 

Oh NOOO he probably reverted back to when he was a street musician and had to ask for tips xD That moment where you don’t even realize what you’re saying RIP

OH THEY HOP REALLY FAR SHIT

Is “Ling Wen the All Knowing” one of her titles, or is he just pulling some straight up flattery here? xD

“Nearly twisted his ankle” Uh, aren’t you still in the air?

Whooooooo are you saluting? Your cheer squad? You’re pretty funny, guy

On the battlefield, he met a female general from an enemy country. She was extremely beautiful and alluring, and her temperament was heroic and fierce.

Oh man! Human female generals?! Beautiful and fierce? YEESSS

And what happened afterwards was extremely easy to imagine.

Well thanks for sparing us from all of the cheesy details

. . . .

I WANT CHEESY DETAILS

He risks himself by taking the time to shift so he doesn’t kick her face! It may be a short amount of time, but it’s certainly enough for her to possibly take advantage of and force her attack more

“In the first place, it isn’t wrong for a woman to wish her lover would only love her for the rest of their lives.”

Yeah, but it turned out pretty badly in MDZS

Even if she had to kill them? Jesus, that’s intense. No, thanks

Ahhh, the negatives of being banished from Heaven. What could her disability be? Maybe, since she was a general, it wasn’t something physically impairing?

I mean, it was just a rumor that led to the name ‘ghost bridegroom’. No one ever said it had to be a man! This is why ‘according to legend’ is so troublesome. People hear the legends that were oftentimes false, or had one or two false points, and started to believe them. When you believe these versions, you loose the ability (or it’s at least diminished) to factor in other possibilities

A woman as strong and fierce as General Xuan Ji would definitely burn down temples of the man who wronged her! Though, she still had loved him, so she would cherish the beautiful statue of him! Seeing other women who were happily sitting in their sedan on their wedding day would surely invoke her wrath due to jealousy!

To be able to rationalize like this while jumping around and fighting corpses is very impressive

In fact, the weird thumping noises Xie Lian had heard were precisely caused by this bride’s broken legs as she hopped around and moved.

Thats just... Jeeze, China, what up with your monsters and demons? You really can’t go anywhere on your knees, and its so painful on your kneecaps!

UGH okay well I’m finally caught up! Aaaaand three minutes to go until the end of the day, too #ripme

Thanks as always for reading!

-Bee

[the-guccidamn]

a decade; an entry.

it’s december 31st and weirdly enough, i just want to cry. over what? i have no idea, i am still trying to figure out. maybe because it’s not only the year ending, but a whole ass decade. maybe because exo is having a concert right now and i stopped streaming because i am afraid it might really be their last. maybe because the holidays, in general, are making me upset. i don’t know, i just feel upset.

but i wanted to do a recap just for the sake of it. scratch that, tbh i am just one of those sentimental human beings who love going back and remembering. 

so here goes.

2010

graduated elementary with flying colors. valedictorian. i remember being just so eager to learn, to be the best, to achieve and achieve and achieve things - as many as i can. i remember entering high school and being blown away by the presence of new people. high school made things more interesting - socially. i belonged to squads. i had legit crushes that turned into heartbreaks (or so i thought back then). high school drama was also prominent, was it even high school without it? everything was just so new, refreshing, interesting and there i was still trying to be on top of it - in a good way. or not. i tried to blend in, to belong, whilst aiming for that first honor medal. this was also the year i cried for the first time because i was not able to attend a damn concert. i hate u justin bieber for making me feel distraught that day in may. i also hate the fact that i did not know it was going to be our last annual family outing. corregidor was still a place to revisit though, thanks to the history attached to it - no, i don’t think i liked their beach very much.

2011

a continuation of the eager version of me. you know this year might have been my calmest and chillest year had it not been for the fact that my family’s life turned upside down. my dad got diagnosed with cancer and well, you can say nothing has been the same ever since. it wasn’t until i am typing this that i realized how traumatic that year was. sudden visits to the hospitals. me being on edge all the time. me trying to be the same eager vane who wants to achieve as many as she can to make her parents proud, while trying to hide the fact that she is so so SO SCARED of what might happen. looking back, i tried so hard to busy myself with academics, with friends, just so i wouldn’t have to dwell with my family’s current situation. home made me so stressed - emotionally and mentally, but i couldn’t just run away because i knew back then that it would be such a waste of time and energy and just - i did not wanna regret anything. it was also the year when i sprained my ankle during sparring. we took Taekwondo classes - would have been a black belter or somewhere close to that if we continued it though, i mean maybe.

2012

the inevitable happened. 5 became 4. and i don’t know. to be honest, i am currently contemplating whether or not i have cried enough during that year, or even allowed myself enough time needed to just feel the pain because i don’t think it has healed yet. or will it ever be healed? does time really heal all wounds, or does it just make them more tolerable? it is pathetic but i can trace everything that i have been hurting about lately to this year alone. my heart literally breaks every now and then, and every now and then i try so hard to mend it because who wants to live the rest of their lives with a shattered heart? goodness me. i spent the summer of it acting though, and preparing for my first ever musical appearance. the workshop was satisfying as i got compliments for my acting. little did they know that every day i attended it was me already acting out that i was, in fact, okay and not on the verge of crying. it’s funny because 2012 was also the year when a huge turn point of my whole identity happened. it was during the time when i was tolerating the pain of having my wisdom teeth removed, and out of boredom i searched One Direction on Youtube - the rest was history. One Direction literally became my savers, distraction, whatever you can call it. It was unhealthy, in some part, yes, but at least I do not feel devastated, at loss, sui***al. It was such a big change. I am still the eager vane who tried to achieve and achieve but now a new reason was added, it’s to be worthy of asking a concert ticket just in case 1d decided to pay Manila a visit. I was such a sucker for them. it was when i discovered stan twitter, new people who are also “like me”, exposed to new cultures, time differences, the fangirl culture - oh the fan parties what fun. I hated and loved niall, louis, liam, zayn and harry (OH HARRY) at the same time. along with my fangirl awakening, 2012 was the year when i attended my first ever concert. it was of the jonas brothers. i won the ticket through twitter out of sheer desperation (i even skipped school because i was just so upset at the thought of not going) and then there i was. found myself inside moa arena, alone, in lowerbox. and when when you looked me in the eyes played, a wave of feelings hit me. i felt at home. the moment, i left the arena, there was a newly discovered need of attending concerts inside me already. i also got braces this year.

2013

if this was the peak of 1d, this was the peak of my high school life i guess. or was it because i was in my fourth year? nonetheless, i remember just feeling so high that year. figuratively. i was so busy with academics and fangirling i had no time to feel low. do you get what i am saying? it was sort of the year where everything in my life is fitting into places. i really busied myself with trying to achieve as many as i can because i wanted to be the class valedictorian. i joined the interschool youth month event - there’s a fake council meeting we had back then, and i remember feeling so giddy that they picked my proposal. i also made friends with the people i met there. i had felt accomplished when i was able to write and finish a script for a play - which i also directed, and played in. i felt so so sooo proud of myself for performing a monologue during the talent contest of the most outstanding student of muntinlupa, and even more so when i learned i placed 12th. i felt so accomplished for being the student council’s president, for contributing to the choreo of our cheerdance, for winning the field demonstration, for having lots of hohol with friends, for getting a passing score during the mock UPCAT, and even more so for passing UPCAT, and even UST (damn you, Ateneo). 2013 made me feel i had everything figured out.

2014

Assumption College - man, I did not expect to end here. an all girls’ school, really? but it’s still a prestigious one so...... i hated myself for not pursuing UST or UPLB. talk about culture shock, this was what this year was all about. it’s a blur now, honestly. i remembered just trying so hard to belong again. i tried to blend in to the elite girls there - whilst sticking to my identity. i did not join any clubs, although i wanted to, because as an academic scholar, i had to see if i would be able to balance them out if ever. but i also remember trying to fulfill my uaap dreams - it was the year i became so obsessed with uaap men’s basketball (hello, von pessumal), i went to real games (thank u sweet anne and vhon) and i event went to the cheerdance competition. and it did not happen again lol. 2014 was just the year of frosh vane and everyone in college being surprised that i do well academically.

2015

now this is a pretty interesting year. would i like to relive it? 95% yes. the 5% is because this was the year zayn left 1d, broke my heart and had me healing it for 4 months. anyway, to start, i attended two concerts this year. 1st was The Vamps - this was just impulsive. i liked them but did not really stan. now idk the main reason why i pushed myself so hard to find a gen-ad ticket for their show - but hey their music was my jam back then, also i learned that gen-ad was for desperate people only because it was so high my acrophobia was shaking so there you go. i attended Graphika as well that year - i was enlightened of what my program could do, guess it was the start of falling in “like” for my program which i also chose impulsively. the second concert was the one and only, of One Direction. BEST DAY STILL. ONE FOR THE BOOKS. AN ACTUAL CONCERT I WAITED FOR. I REMEMBER HOW HAPPY I FELT THAT DAY DESPITE THE SHITTY EXPERIENCE OF LINING UP UNDER THE SUN FOR 11 HOURS (little did i know it was nothing compared to what i would be doing now). BUT MY GOODNESS, SEEING THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME LIVE, EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE ONLY FOUR, WAS ENOUGH. I FELT SO HIGH AND JUST GENUINELY HAPPY I WAS SCREAMING AND CRYING THAT NIGHT. I LOVE ONE DIRECTION 5EVER. I FELT SO LOVED BACK THEN IDK EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED BUT I JUST DID AND I ALSO REMEMBER NOT WANTING TO LEAVE THE CONCERT GROUNDS AND NOT WANTING IT TO END. but zayn left, 4 days later. man, it felt like a real breakup, and i did not even have a boyfriend so. thankfully, my school went through an academic calendar shift meaning we had 4 months of vacation so i was able to mend it during that time and enjoyed watching tons and tons of movies and series. also, my family was able to go to Baguio after so many years, there’s that. anyway i went back to school with a newly appreciation and knowledge for films whilst sporting my new short hair look. the first semester of my sophomore year was a blast - i felt like a real communication arts student for the first time. we spent our days editing, shooting, script writing, acting, concept making, IT WAS FUN AND I LOVED IT SO SO SO MUCH. even more so when my pieces got compliments and praises from my professors, i was so pleased with myself. the second half of 2015 was me putting a twist to my college life. i joined a club, and not just any club, i joined the school’s dance company. hip-hop team. with a legit coach (no pun intended). and dare i say it was life changing? i learned a lot since then. values that only a dedicated student-athlete can understand. looking back, auditioning for tadc (no matter how scary it went) was an A+ decision. i would audition again tbvh. it opened me to a new community and experiences not everyone has the privilege to have. trainings may have been tough but the bliss you feel after every successful run was enough to keep going. 

2016

I TURNED 18. it was the year i had my jade west phase. i had no regrets. it was the year when i had my first ever dance competition - we lost 1st place though, but it was motivation for me to not leave the group and continue to strive for the better. 2016 WAS THE YEAR FOR FANGIRL VANE. I SAW 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER. LIVE. IT WAS AS AMAZING AS EVER. after camping out for the first time just for the sake of buying a ticket with soundcheck inclusions, did not buy it myself though because i had a performance at the same time, I FINALLY GOT TO BE IN THE VIP MOSHPIT OF THE BAND I LOVE THE MOST. IT WAS A THRILLING ROLLERCOASTER NIGHT. I DANCED SO HARD. CRIED BECAUSE THE SONGS BROUGHT SO MUCH MEMORIES. FREAKED OUT BECAUSE LUKE MY BOYFRIEND HEMMINGS WAS JUST AN ARM AWAY. I ALSO GOT MICHAEL’S GUITAR PICK. I CAN SAFELY SAY I WON THAT DAY. I WANTED TO DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. 2016 was when i really busied myself in dancing. my first crissa competition and let me tell you how fulfilling it was to compete with top schools and perform on the same stage as them. who could have thought i would be performing at the big dome, right? it’s really just me and my growth as a dancer for 2016. oh and my slowly coming back to the kdrama/kpop world.

2017

EXO. THE PLOT TWIST OF MY 2017. the moment i impulsively attended THE EXORDIUM IN MANILA, i was in it for life. it was 1d all over again. I SPENT DAYS FANGIRLING, KEEPING UP, WATCHING FANCAMS AND VIDEOS. READING SEKAI FICS. ACTUALLY BUYING ALBUMS AND MERCH. AND WOW JUST A NEW FANDOM CULTURE TO LEARN AND DROWN MYSELF IN. EXO was meant to be though, knew it when i danced to Growl back in 2013 but never did i think i would be in it SOOOOO DEEP. THE IMPULSIVE DECISION TO ATTEND THEIR CONCERT WAS SO WORTH IT. I FELT SO SO SO HIGH AGAIN AND ANOTHER KIND OF BONAFIDE HAPPINESS. i am thankful to have found another distraction/motivation especially when things are getting hard in school. campaigns here, campaigns there. and thesis. stupid thesis. it’s really that thing in school that will make you cry. 2017 was also my last academic year. my senior year in college. and it changed a lot in school especially when you are part of organizations, it gets busier than ever, more schedules, you cannot keep up. i cannot believe i was able to balance thesis, academics and tadc especially on the last quarter of the year. had to study, submit requirements, train endlessly, at the same time i was honestly going insane. HOWEVER, TADC CAME IN 4TH PLACE DURING CRISSA FINALS with a team consisted of half rookies HU TO THE RRAH. I also became more committed to the team than ever :( i never expected it but i guess such things happen when you actually do like what you are doing. coach vimi also acknowledged me a lot this year :( i felt so pleased again.

2018

i really don’t wanna remember this year. after graduation, my mental health dropped to an all time low. i was paranoid, insane, anxious. it was the start. i also got an appendicitis and underwent appendectomy this year. but hey, on december i got a stable job at a well-known accounting firm (uh, what? right). earlier during this year though, i saw exo again for the 2nd time. it was bittersweet, i swore to do better for the next tour. and yes, for all it’s worth, for all those times i strived so hard to get an uno whilst being surrounded by org commitments and pagod na ako moods, i graduated magna cum laude from assumption college. still, a win for me. oh and 2018, i finally got my braces off.

2019

here it is, the last year year of this decade. what can i say? to be honest, it was just me holding my mental health in. there were worst days, but there were also the best days. best days include me lining up for 30 hours for an exo ticket (with camila, and surprisingly, my mom). it ended up with me feeling blessed and grateful, and my heart full. of course, there’s the concert itself. seeing exo for the third time doesn’t really feel different compared to the first time i saw them last 2017. they were down 3 members yes, but i still felt so happy to share that moment with them. that’s when i knew i was really in it for life. best days also include me accomplishing my tasks in my work with flourish, getting compliments from my boss. oh and it also includes the outings i had with my family. went to the beach twice this year - first in batangas, second in pagudpud. cried in batangas because it has really been so long and beaches remind me of the good old times. in ilocos, it went well, i am glad we got to see that despite our situation, outings like this are still possible. i am so glad to say, or rather write, that i am ending this year and this decade, with a calm heart. i am happy, as happy as i can be this year. we had a pleasant staycation during Christmas. and i finally handed in my resignation, plus i got to have 2 weeks off thanks to my approved VL. exo made me cry though :( i hope to see them still next year.

for 2020, and for the next decade, i hope to be happy. the genuine happy. i pray that my family would be healthy, stress-free and happy, and complete. i pray that everything will go well with my new job. i pray that i will be able to do more outings with my family (even internationally, please). as for the little things, i hope i can fix my back problems, i hope i can continue to write (even just sekai fics), i hope i can visit south korea for an exo concert, i hope i can attend more concerts, i hope for the little things that will make me happy. i hope nothing more but a healthy and bounty new year and decade for me, my family, my relatives, and my friends, especially to those who cared. i will also include the people who need it the most, and this country as well, because i just can’t stand seeing people have less while some have more. anyway, cheers.

[breathings-of-the-heart]

To Love Another

Levi Ackerman x Reader

A/N: Hey guys!! Back after a long hiatus, sorry hehe. I know y’all must hear this a lot and be sick of it, but there was a lot going on in my personal life that I needed to deal with. (I.E. an parent custody issues and succession of court cases) But everything has been settled in my favor so I’m back and excited!! 

Anyway, this is a part two I promised like years ago which can stand by itself kinda so u don’t have to go back and read part one lol. I wrote so much that I’m dividing it in two; part three will be out most likely by tomorrow. If you want to read part one, link for it is here: Imagine Relating to Mikasa about Loving someone in the Military

(requested by @a-single-uwo @dracq and @little-diva-gurl and to you three specifically, so sorry for the wait! But I didn’t forget :3)

“He loves you, more than he’s ever loved anyone. Surely you know that,” Hange tried to plead, taking (Y/N)’s small hands into her own.

With an inability to overlook the throbbing in her chest, the girl simply met her gaze with a sorrowful smile. Her friend’s expression was sympathetic, conveying her sentiment with a sense of urgency and conviction; such a gesture was appreciated, but considering the events of today leading the broken girl thus far, easy to brush off. Levi’s own harsh words and hard-set countenance were forever etched into (Y/N)’s memory-- speaking louder than any other subconscious that told her he didn’t mean the things he’d spoken. All she could see now was the Captain’s anger trumping all the blinding endearment she thought the two of them to shared. There was no room in her brain for two such vastly different images… the young woman viewed herself an idiot.

(Y/N) was barely able to speak, a thousand words at once caught in behind her pursed lips as she shook her head, wishing Hange’s statement was true.

“With all do respect, Section Commander…” weak voice trailing off, the petite beauty cleared her throat and willed herself not to cry. “I don’t believe you. I was a fool to think of myself as more than my true worth to Levi.”

Said man of the conversation stood on the other side of the door, a whole world away, fist lifted mid-knock. He stilled, gray orbs downcast as he heard the girl’s reply echoing in his ears. 

The documents in his hand fell from his fingertips as his body slacked, the pages fluttering in the air and settling with the ambiance. He hadn’t realized he dropped them, and when he did, Levi could not bring himself to care. His eyelids squeezed shut painfully and the stoic male turned heel, footsteps rhythmically sounding off the lacquer floor as he shuffled away in defeat and heartache.

And only when the stoic man reached the privacy of his room did he realize his fingernails were dug so tightly into his palms that crescent moon scars would indent the skin for life.

A cruel, constant reminder. A testimony to his greatest pain--- your heartbreak.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Commander Erwin sat at the head of the office table of one of the many meeting rooms littered along the castle, a serious expression cast on his defined face. There was a tired yet determined look fixed on his shadowed face; deceptively aged with worry lines creased across his forehead: a tell to the stress and conflicting passion his position required. Untold horrors must have crossed the man’s mind on the daily, yet, the disciplined, solemn facade did well to suggest otherwise.

Even in another dim scenario such as this one, he remained the epitome of strength.

As Erwin studied a long paper in front of him, there was a flicker of deep thought that passed just as quickly as it came. The thought grew smaller in his eyes, and the put-together authority figure stroked his freshly kempt chin.

Having not seen the Scouts since their rescue mission to save Eren, you were shocked at the change in the head of the regiment. With an arm lost and the deceptively young-looking appearance faded, it was only then when you realized his hair told stories as well-- speckled with select gray strands, the stress-revealers hid amongst a thicket of slicked away blondes.

Things seem to have shifted. From what I’ve read in the reports… Eren controlled the Titans with his scream without knowing how. It feels like we’re moving forwards and backwards at the same time.

You touched the bandaging around your torso, wincing a tad as you pressed too hard.

If I’d been more careful last mission I would’ve seen it all for myself.

A map was spread out across the wooden surface of the ancient worktable, the parchment’s top ends brushing against your fingertips. It gave off a beige hue with ink blended in a thoughtful, delicately beautiful layout of Wall Maria’s charted territory. Sunlight filtered through the window shades and illuminated the figurines representing another formation of the Commander’s. Clusters creating an almost horseshoe shape laid out in front of the spectators in the room, squads labeled accordingly. The symbols representing the Special Operations Squad were located on the innermost circle, standing out in bright yellow.

You took a moment to gaze up and break away from the lull of the deafening silence.

You were painfully aware of Captain Levi’s presence next to you. Eren sat on your other side, with another squad leader directly across. Hange was at Erwin’s left side, and Moblit peered past Mikasa’s shoulder in order to see properly as the head of the Survey Corps spoke, finally leaving the separate worlds of his own mind. Armin and stood behind the blonde man, absorbing each of his words carefully.

“There’s many obstacles to be dealt with, naturally” Erwin intoned, officially beginning the meeting. “For starters, we cannot risk any casualties on the journey to Shiganshina. Knowing the enemy, they will be prepared for our arrival and not a single soldier can be spared until we get to the battle field.”

Erwin brought up a lingering, troubling issue that already started to make your head hurt. As a key strategist and extension of the Brain Trust, however, your mind was your strongest weapon. There had to be a way to work around it all.

“Traveling at night is yet another risk,” you relayed, resting your weight on your forearms. “Considering the events experienced the night of the Beast Titan’s appearance.”

The light of the full moon must have been bright enough to give the titans energy.

“How are we supposed to work our way around that?” Eren groaned in exasperation.

You wracked your brain, biting your lip in frustration as all came up blank. All motion came to a halt, though, as you felt a hand grip your knee firmly. Electricity shot through your body as you met the penetrating gaze.

Levi.

“Calm down, brat. Tapping incessantly will only piss me off.”

You hadn’t even known you’d been doing it, but the second the Captain touched you, you were frozen.

Your eyes met his, fully, for the first time in months. And from that instant on, they were trapped in the blue-gray you had drowned in so many times before. You couldn’t help but absorb the sight and engrave it to memory, the art of Levi himself a blessing you had nearly forgotten. But he was different from last time. Maybe it was the illusion fading, or your distant memory. Of him, never.

He looked tired, like you, the fire in those orbs dulled into dying embers. Was that the mission’s doing? The loss of nearly half the regiment?

Or was it something else entirely?

Then your focus shifted to his hand, which dared to travel the smallest bit upwards. Levi kept it there, as if stuck in his own trance. A minute, hour, day could have passed and still, in that moment, you wouldn’t have noticed.

Until reality hit and you remembered everything anew.  

As if he had been burned, Levi retracted his hand as quickly as you looked away. The illusion faded once more, just as tragic as last time.

Breath, (Y/N). This is bigger than you.

“I suspect,” you sighed, regaining yourself, “the indirect source of sunlight the moon reflects, is enough to generate energy for these new titans. The solution is simple.”

“We can initiate the expedition next new moon!” Armin exclaimed, pointing at you excitedly.

“Mhmm, that is our most promising option. But I doubt it will be safe doing it on horseback. We need to be quiet, stealthy, and aware of our surroundings considering the dangers of the dark. Our vision will be limited,” Hange pointed out. “We’ll need to walk them and our supplies, and find a better source of light.”

Erwin nodded, looking slightly impressed.

And as your nonchalant front solidified, you realized it was becoming easier to smile than to remember the hurt. It seemed that way for Levi too, who took an elegant sip of tea as if nothing fazed him at all.

There are more important things, clearly.

[inukagome15]

The draft of the fourth chapter! I’ve started uploading on AO3 and I have the link below along with the tumblr links for reblogging purposes.

This chapter is entirely focused on Naruto, since otherwise all we’re gonna get is Kakashi training, trying not to drown himself, and moping. Next chapter will feature a return to Kakashi and something other than training.

On another note, writing a small Sasuke is cute? Especially since he was a sweet kid before the massacre. (I’m very glad I’m not writing a 5-year-old Kakashi although the lols would be hysterical because Naruto would just be like THAT’S NOT HOW A FIVE-YEAR-OLD IS SUPPOSED TO ACT.)

Chapter 1 (updated on AO3)

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

**

Finding Sasuke was easier said than done.

Seriously. Naruto would've thought finding one five-year-old in Konoha would be easy, right? Especially if that five-year-old was Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke was many things, but subtle was not one of them.

Man, if he could use his sage mode, finding Sasuke would be easy. But he couldn't. Because he didn't want to turn into a toad statue.

Damn it, he would need to undergo that training again to be sure that he didn't mess up with gathering natural energy.

But that was in the future. For now Naruto could barely walk on water without falling through every ten seconds. It peeved him that Kakashi had to keep grabbing hold of him so he wouldn't fall when they were having a conversation.

Even his tree climbing was substandard.

Naruto shot the nearest tree a glare.

Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't so tired. He hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately, and this younger body was used to sleeping more.

Interlinking his fingers behind his head, Naruto turned his gaze up to the blue sky, considering where he might be able to find Sasuke.

The Uchiha district was a possibility… Albeit a possibility that he couldn't get into without his ANBU guards interfering.

Or maybe they wouldn't? They were supposed to be discreet, right? They only interfered if he was in danger.

And the Uchiha weren't going to jump him in broad daylight.

(Cut for mobile readers is here.)

Naruto should check the playground first, though. Just in case. He already had, but maybe Sasuke had shown up after he left.

Nodding resolutely, Naruto broke into a run as he headed in the direction of the playground.

He didn't think he'd ever done so much running around Konoha before, but it was all part of his program to rehabilitate his body and get better. Naruto couldn't yet tell if it was working, but hopefully he'd see results soon.

He needed to get his kage bunshin back so he could really up his training.

Kakashi couldn't do all this alone.

Naruto slowed once he approached the playground, breathing evening out several seconds later. There were lots of kids around, their parents lurking on the sidelines.

Swallowing despite himself, Naruto tucked his hands in his pockets and continued walking forwards, ignoring the looks the parents shot his way once they noticed his presence. The kids didn't pay attention until the parents pulled them aside when Naruto came too close, and then they were also looking at Naruto as if they could determine what was wrong with him.

Like there was anything wrong with him!

They just thought he was the Kyuubi.

Naruto resisted the urge to duck his head, keeping his head up and eyes scanning his surroundings for Sasuke. He would be smaller than Naruto remembered, but he'd still look mostly the same.

But Sasuke wasn't here.

Huffing, Naruto finished his circuit through the playground and settled on a swing, pushing it back and forth with his feet.

Sasuke wouldn't seriously be training now, would he? He was only five.

Never mind that Kakashi had become a genin at five. Kakashi was different. Sasuke was also different, but he was a different kind of different.

…That didn't make any sense even in Naruto's head.

But wait…Itachi was a shinobi already, wasn't he? And Sasuke idolized Itachi.

So if Sasuke wasn't on the playground…would he be with Itachi?

Like hell was Naruto going to be able to speak to Sasuke in private or pull him away from Itachi. He'd have to come up with something.

Eh, he could just wing it.

Note to self, just saying wing it didn't always work.

Although in this case, Naruto had somehow managed to stumble across Itachi and Sasuke in the woods close to the Uchiha district. So…that was a point in his favor?

But now Naruto was faced with the problem of how to approach the two without seeming like a creep.

It could be that he was overthinking it? He was physically five. People didn't think five-year-olds were creeps unless they did something bad. Like kill everyone in the immediate vicinity.

Hell, Naruto didn't think Kakashi had been a creep at five even though he'd been a genin at that point. Obito's memories had shown a really cute Kakashi, even if they'd been colored by jealousy and frustration that a five-year-old was so much better than him.

Shaking his head, Naruto refocused on the rather adorable sight of an awestruck Sasuke watching a very young Itachi nail every target in the area with a combination of shuriken and kunai. Those moves were very flashy…

"Oh cool," Naruto breathed. A second later his eyes widened and he clapped a hand over his mouth in reprimand because shit he had not meant to say that.

Sasuke didn't notice, but Itachi definitely did, his sharp eyes darting to where Naruto was hidden in the bushes.

Naruto froze, keeping his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his breathing.

"You can come out," Itachi said after a moment, leaning down to brace his hands on his knees. He was smiling, eyes still fixed on where Naruto was hiding.

"Who's there, big brother?" Sasuke asked, coming to stand by Itachi.

Itachi didn't answer, staring in the direction of Naruto. His smile didn't waver, and there was nothing but warmth in his dark eyes.

Why should there be anything else? This Itachi hadn't had to kill the Uchiha clan.

Naruto couldn't remember how old Itachi was supposed to be right now, but he still looked really young.

Hesitating, Naruto uncovered his mouth, setting both hands on the ground and digging his fingers in the dirt. He shifted to his knees, slowly standing to show himself to Itachi and Sasuke.

Sasuke's eyes widened when he saw Naruto.

"Hello." Itachi's smile widened slightly. "Who might you be?"

Eh? What sort of kid spoke like that?

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto's mouth said on autopilot. "That was really cool what you just did, ya know!" His mind caught up a second later, and then he was cringing, scrambling for what to say next. A hand went to scratch at the back of his head, and he grinned sheepishly. "Ah, sorry. You probably don't want me here, huh? I just…couldn't help it."

"Couldn't help spy on us?" Sasuke asked, eyes narrowing slightly.

Naruto laughed, letting his nerves creep into his voice. "I didn't mean it, honest! But that's cool, ya know! I want to be a shinobi, too!" He spread his legs, punching a hand in the air. "Just like the guy that ran me over the other day and then flew across the roofs!" He mentally apologized to Kakashi even as he made the accompanying hand movements to show what Kakashi had done.

Itachi's eyebrows raised. "You want to be a shinobi because someone ran into you?"

"But he was so cool!" Naruto said enthusiastically. "Just like you, ya know! How did you do that?" He gestured wildly to the targets and the kunai/shuriken embedded in them.

"My big brother's a shinobi," Sasuke said, pride in his voice. "He's really good."

"Sasuke…" Itachi rested a hand on Sasuke's head, his smile turning slightly embarrassed.

"It's true!" Sasuke protested, looking up at Itachi in earnest. "You're already a chuunin!"

"Oh, really? That's awesome!" Naruto moved forwards, jumping over the bush he had hidden behind. Then he paused, making himself out to be embarrassed and hoping he was hitting the right notes. "But, er…what's a chuunin?"

"You don't know?" That definitely sounded like the Sasuke Naruto knew, all high and mighty.

It was easy enough for Naruto to reenact what would have been his response if he was actually five, loud voice and all. "Hey, it's not like I know everything, is it! Isn't a shinobi just a shinobi?"

"Sasuke, not everyone knows what shinobi are," Itachi said, mild recrimination in his tone. He turned to Naruto. "Naruto, you said? Shinobi have different ranks: genin, chuunin, and jounin. Genin are typically newer shinobi, those who have just graduated. Chuunin are shinobi who can lead squads. Jounin are the elite."

"And the Hokage?" Naruto asked, hoping he didn't sound too eager.

"The Hokage is entirely different," Itachi said. "He's responsible for leading the village and taking care of the shinobi in it, ensuring the village is protected."

It was such an Itachi-esque answer that Naruto was impressed. The Itachi he had known had been older and tired. This one was young but somehow already had some of that weariness about him. Still, there was a vibrancy to him that hadn't been present when Naruto had seen him last. Although Itachi had been a walking corpse, then, so maybe that didn't count.

But the time before that Itachi hadn't seemed very good either. So the point totally counted.

"So that's the old man, huh," Naruto said slowly, rubbing his chin.

"Old man?" Sasuke sounded offended on behalf of said old man, and Naruto had to resist the urge to burst out laughing.

Itachi just looked reluctantly amused.

"What – he's old, isn't he!" Naruto couldn't resist a grin, though. "But he is pretty awesome!" He looked back to Itachi. "And who're you? That's your little brother, yeah? Sasuke?"

"Uchiha Sasuke," Sasuke said before Itachi could.

Itachi laid a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, smile soft. "I am Uchiha Itachi."

"Cool!" Naruto shot them both a thumbs up. "Like I said, my name's Uzumaki Naruto, ya know! And I'm gonna be a shinobi!" He'd leave the Hokage thing for later.

"Yeah?" Sasuke had a small smirk on his face. "So am I!"

Sensing that a barrier was down that hadn't been before, Naruto darted forwards, keeping only a small distance between him and Sasuke. "So we'll become shinobi together! Like a team, ya know! Like the chuunin Itachi here is!"

Instinctively, Naruto held his fist out for Sasuke to bump, remembering too late that fist bumping was something Octopops had done with him. Kakashi had caught on after a little while, as had Sakura and Sasuke, but they'd never done fist bumping before Octopops.

Sasuke stared at the fist Naruto held out, eyebrows scrunching together slightly. He glanced up at Itachi, whose expression was unreadable. Then, uncertainly, he looked back at Naruto, eyebrows still furrowed.

Naruto shuffled his feet, embarrassment creeping up his spine. He didn't drop his fist, though. He was made of sterner stuff than that. Besides, fist bumping was neat!

Slowly, Sasuke raised his own hand, knocking his knuckles against Naruto's. "Okay!"

Exhilaration coursed through Naruto, and he grinned broadly. When Sasuke smiled back, Naruto's heart quickened its beat.

Mission Find Sasuke and Become Friends with Him was a success!

Naruto hadn't packed any lunch, but Itachi and Sasuke were willing to share some of theirs with him. Minus the fact that there was no ramen and Sasuke's lunch had way too many tomatoes, Naruto didn't have any complaints.

"So you must know a lot of really cool stuff if your big bro is a shinobi!" Naruto promptly took a bite of a rice ball, leaning forward towards Sasuke.

"I…not really." Sasuke's eyes were downcast. "I'm not in the Academy yet, and big brother doesn't want me hurting myself."

"And yet you know how to throw a kunai," Itachi said dryly.

Sasuke ducked his head, rubbing one of his hands tellingly. "I'm not as good as you," he muttered.

"You're young still," Itachi said. "You have time."

"You were better than this," Sasuke protested.

Itachi didn't say anything, but Naruto could see his eyes tighten.

Was this where Sasuke's inferiority had stemmed from? That wasn't cool at all. Naruto didn't want Sasuke to be as bad as he'd been last time.

Yeah, that was Sasuke, but that had also been really screwed up.

"But you're Sasuke, right?" Naruto asked, getting Sasuke's attention. "And he's Itachi! Maybe you'll be better later! I don't even know if I can throw a kunai right." He rubbed the side of his nose, laughing. "So you're already better than me, ya know."

"Hn." Nothing more was said, but Naruto could see a small smile twitching at Sasuke's lips.

Then, surprising Naruto, Sasuke said, "Do you want to learn how?"

"Huh?" Naruto blinked at him.

"Do you want to learn how to throw a kunai?" Sasuke repeated. "I can show you."

"What – really? You'd do that?" Naruto's grin was hurting his cheeks. "Yeah! That'd be awesome!"

Naruto crammed his last rice ball into his mouth and sprung to his feet. Sasuke was more composed, but Naruto could read his body language and Sasuke was definitely excited to teach someone else.

This hadn't originally been in his plans, but Naruto could definitely see how well this could work out. Now he had more of a plausible reason to train like hell if Uchiha Itachi was a friend.

But first, he needed to not be a complete ace at throwing kunai. But not a complete dunce either.

"When are you going into the Academy?" Naruto asked as Sasuke gathered some kunai from the targets Itachi had nailed earlier.

"Next year," Sasuke answered.

"All right!" Naruto took a kunai, deliberately looping a finger through the hole at the end, keeping his fingers away from the pointy end. "I'll join, too! I just have to ask the old man."

Sasuke hesitated, frowning slightly as he looked at Naruto. "The old – the Hokage? Why not your parents?"

Naruto could tell that Itachi was listening very carefully, even if his body language was relaxed. So he shrugged, eyes on the kunai in Sasuke's hand; he copied the other's grip. "I don't know who my parents are. They died during the Kyuubi attack."

"Oh." Sasuke sounded a bit like he regretted asking. "I'm sorry."

Naruto shook his head. He didn't have to fake the slightly pained smile. "Don't be! I bet they were both really cool shinobi! And they helped protect Konoha!" He looked up to the sky, remembering his father's proud face and smile, his mother's warm hug and beaming grin. "So I want to be like them. I want to be better than them!" Naruto met Sasuke's eyes, his smile more genuine now. "And this is step one to achieving that goal! C'mon, Sasuke! Teach me!"

Sasuke's smile was visible, which had always been a rare sight. He held up his own kunai. "All right! This is how you do it…"

Training with Kakashi that night had been an exercise in frustration, Naruto too sleepy to do much other than continually fail at walking on water. Kakashi had eventually called it quits and brought Naruto back to his apartment before disappearing to do his thing.

Although the last place Naruto wanted to be was his apartment.

It was lonely here and far too quiet. Besides, he'd wanted to spend time with Kakashi and catch him up on Sasuke and Itachi. As it was, Naruto had probably managed to blurt out half of what happened in-between falling and inhaling water.

Kakashi had seemed more amused than frustrated at Naruto's lack of progress, which was easy enough for him because he'd gotten the hang of tree and water walking in no time.

Naruto should try to sleep, though. He hadn't been getting a lot since coming back in-between training with Kakashi and the nightmares.

Rolling over onto his side, Naruto curled his knees into his chest, bringing his right hand up. There was no sign of the scratches he'd received earlier that day from throwing kunai with Sasuke.

He'd need to come up with an explanation for that next time he saw Sasuke.

As soon as he slept…

Sasuke was screaming, the sound utter agony. And then it cut off, his voice gone like it had never existed.

He couldn't see Sasuke. There was no sign of his best friend. And he was looking, running through shapeless white bodies and the bodies of shinobi that had fallen in this last battle.

Lightning flickered off to the side, Kakashi releasing one of his massive jutsu. There was a howl from the Hachibi.

He was running, feet stumbling over cracks and body parts. But there was no sign of Sasuke.

He almost tripped over a Zetsu head, but when he caught himself he was standing in the massive crater that the Juubi had created before Obito had become its jinchuuriki.

Sasuke stood close by, both eyes Sharingan-red and his sword at the ready. Sakura stood at his other side, the diamond seal dark on her forehead.

But where was Kakashi?

"Pay attention!" Sasuke barked out.

"I'm paying attention," he snapped back instinctively, a Rasengan whirling to life in his right hand. But, wait, had he been able to do one-handed Rasengans now? Wasn't that later?

Sasuke had gone off ahead, and Sakura was punching out smaller versions of the Juubi.

And he – he aimed his Rasengan at the closest enemy. Only it wasn't an offshoot of the Juubi he struck.

It was a young Sasuke.

"N-Naruto." Sasuke coughed out blood, looking up at him with betrayed eyes. "Why?"

And then it wasn't the young Sasuke he was looking at. It was his Sasuke, and his eyes were bleeding, his left arm torn in half and a hole punched through his chest with his own sword, and he was dead—

He fell to his knees besides Sasuke's body, clutching at it and screaming.

Naruto jerked awake with a stifled yell, hand in his mouth to muffle the scream. With a scramble, he threw off his blankets and was on the other side of the bedroom, huddled in a corner.

A dream, a dream, it was just a dream.

He hadn't killed Sasuke.

Breathing raggedly, shoulders shuddering in near sobs, Naruto buried his face in his hands.

Shit, shit, shit.

Naruto should've expected something like this after seeing Sasuke today.

Sasuke's death during the war was one of his greatest regrets. He hadn't been there for his friend. He'd been on the other side of the field, too busy defending other shinobi and trusting in Sasuke to be able to protect himself.

But Madara…

Madara had taken Sasuke's sword and driven it through his chest after making damn well sure that Sasuke knew how outclassed he was. How inferior Sasuke's eyes were in comparison to Madara's, and how little hope they had of beating an Uchiha with another Uchiha, even one with an eternal Mangekyou Sharingan.

And Sasuke had died, Madara retreating after that. He'd made some comment about enjoying seeing them all sink into despair, but it was probably Obito and Kakashi teaming up with Kamui that had prompted him to leave before Naruto could pummel him into the ground.

Not that Naruto could have done much aside from toss Madara around. Even as the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, the jinchuuriki of the Juubi was in an entirely different class.

Fingers digging into his head, Naruto struggled to compose himself.

Crying wasn't going to do anyone any good. Not now. Not ever.

The war hadn't started yet. Madara was dead. Obito was alive and masquerading as him. Sasuke was alive and knew nothing of the pain his older self had.

All Naruto could do was pick himself up and keep moving forward.

With a shaky exhale, Naruto let his head fall back against the wall with a soft thump, rubbing at his eyes with a hand. He closed them a second later, focusing on his breathing.

What a sorry mess he was. And there was no one he could spend the night with in silent companionship.

Something tugged at the back of his mind, and the seal on his stomach warmed for an instant before fading.

Naruto's breath punched out of him, and he grasped at his stomach. Kurama?

There was no response.

Gritting his teeth, Naruto shut his eyes and let himself fall back into the depths of his mind, to the shared space between him and Kurama.

His feet were wet with water, and the sound of dripping filled his ears. The air was still, but there was no wind in this place. Not here in his mind.

The cage stood before him, an unfamiliar sight after so long without it. The doors were shut, the seal intact like it had never been tampered with.

And within it…

"Kurama?" Naruto asked, hardly daring to breathe. His voice sounded deeper than what it should have been, and he looked down, surprised to see his adult self staring back in the water's reflection. "Oh." He reached a hand up to touch his hair, longer than it was in his current physical body.

"Naruto." Kurama's voice was as guttural as always, only this time it sounded tired in a way that signaled severe chakra exhaustion.

Naruto's head jerked up. "Kurama!" He darted forwards, water splashing as he moved. "Is it you?"

"Of course it's me." Kurama stared balefully at him, teeth bared in a familiar grin. "Who else would it be?"

Naruto slipped through the bars, coming to a stop by one of Kurama's paws. "It might not have been you!" he protested. "You know what a grump you were back then!"

"Hmph." Kurama huffed, his breath hot. "Be that as it may, I'm here."

Naruto paused, wonder spreading through him. He…wasn't alone. His friend was here. "Yeah," he breathed, eyes stinging. "You are."

"Eh?" Kurama looked vaguely alarmed. "Are you crying?"

"Of course I'm crying!" Naruto shouted, pointing at Kurama. "I thought you didn't come back! But you did! Why the hell shouldn't I cry if I'm happy?"

"Why wouldn't I come back?" Kurama asked. "I'm an embodiment of chakra, Naruto. Chakra isn't constrained to time as you know it."

Naruto sniffed, rubbing at his eyes. "You could've told me that, you know. You and Gyuuki didn't say anything."

"We didn't know," Kurama said. "No one's ever done this jutsu before."

"Except us," Naruto said, taking a deep breath. Eyes dry, he looked up at Kurama, glad that he was in his normal adult body here. "We're here, Kurama. We made it."

"Yeah." Kurama grinned. "We did. How's Kakashi?"

"Oh, you know." Naruto linked his hands behind his head, grinning. "Being his usual awesome self. Which I would be, too, if my chakra control weren't shot to hell and back. I mean, Kakashi-sensei's control's bad, too, but he's getting the hang of it. A lot faster than me…" he grumbled.

Kurama snorted. "He's a genius, isn't he? That's what they all said."

"Yeah. He is." Naruto's grin turned fond. "He'll be glad to know you're here. Which reminds me…" He glanced back to the doors. "I should unseal this—"

"You don't have the key."

"Eh?" Naruto's eyes turned to Kurama.

"Don't you remember?" Kurama lifted a talon to point to Naruto's stomach. "That sage handed over the key after he died so that you could start the process of using my chakra. You don't have the key now, so unlocking it without unleashing me in the middle of your village isn't going to work."

"Oh." Naruto touched his stomach, half turning so he could look up at the locked doors. "Shit."

"It doesn't matter," Kurama said, sighing. "I still need to regain my chakra. Traveling back in time took practically all of it."

"Is that way I couldn't get in contact with you before?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah." Kurama settled back down, one of his eyes still several feet above Naruto's head. "Don't expect much from me for the next several days either. The seal's intact, so communication's going to be tricky unless you come here."

"I'll be here," Naruto said, nodding. "And I'll see what I can do about the seal. We're partners, ya know. It wouldn't do if I leave you here, would it?"

"I know, Naruto." Kurama sounded amused. "Now go. Your voice is keeping me from sleeping."

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto backed out of the cage, grinning loosely. "I'll be seeing you, Kurama. Sweet dreams!"

Naruto pulled himself out before Kurama could say anything else, opening his eyes to the dark of his bedroom.

Several moments later, Naruto started giggling. He tried to stop, but the laughter bubbled up despite himself. He just…

Kurama was here. It wasn't just Kakashi and him.

And Naruto was crying before he realized what was happening. Which – what the hell – couldn't his body just stick to an emotion?

Shaking his head, Naruto rubbed at his eyes even as the tears kept flowing.

Maybe…maybe crying was okay in this instant. Happy tears were different from sad ones.

And Naruto was so happy.

Naruto had his own lunch packed the next day, but he was rather disappointed to see Itachi nowhere around when he met up with Sasuke.

"Hey, Sasuke!" Naruto ran into the small clearing, seeing Sasuke sitting on the tall boulder that had served as their lunch spot yesterday.

Sasuke inclined his head in Naruto's direction, graceful even as a five-year-old. It kind of made Naruto envious. "Naruto."

Naruto paused at the base of the boulder, making a show of looking for Itachi. "Where's Itachi?"

Sasuke jumped down from the boulder, landing besides Naruto. "He had a mission."

"And you're here." Naruto paused, the ramifications of that settling in.

"Of course I am." Sasuke folded his arms, giving Naruto an unimpressed look. "I said I would be, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but…" Naruto knelt, setting his lunch down, carefully not looking at Sasuke. "That usually doesn't mean anything."

It never had in the past. Anyone he tried making friends with always ended up avoiding him the next day because of their parents warning him off. So that Sasuke was here…it was surprising.

Even if relieving as well.

"You can't be a good shinobi if you can't even throw a kunai," Sasuke huffed, shoving a kunai into Naruto's hands. "Let's see if you've improved any today."

Naruto had to resist the urge to grin sheepishly. He'd probably screwed it up yesterday by pretending to be really awful. His kunai had gone awry, flying into the tree branches and anywhere but the targets. The only kunai that he'd somewhat aimed purposefully had been the ones that almost hit his ANBU stalkers.

They'd had to switch trees quickly to avoid getting scratched.

"Practice makes perfect, right?" Naruto swung the kunai around in circles, using his finger as a focal point. "Show me the stance again!"

"Hn." Sasuke turned to face the closest target, demonstrating the stance that Naruto hadn't really learned the last time he'd been in the Academy. It was a little different from the standard style the Academy taught, but Naruto wasn't going to complain. Sasuke had been a badass at throwing kunai and shuriken.

This time when Naruto started throwing his kunai, he made an effort at not being absolutely terrible. He didn't think Sasuke would notice him deliberately aiming his kunai off the mark, although he tried to mess it up enough that the ANBU wouldn't get suspicious.

"You're learning fast," Sasuke noted, sounding a mixture of pleased and surprised.

Naruto laughed, turning his head to beam at Sasuke. "I've always been really good at learning with my body! But books? They make my head hurt."

The corner of Sasuke's mouth tipped up. "My brother says there's a lot of reading to do in the Academy."

"What?" Naruto made a show of looking absolutely aghast. "But why? Shinobi don't need books! They just need to beat up the bad guys!"

Sasuke tilted his head. "Shinobi do that, but they also need to know what's going on around them. How are you going to know if the Hokage is on good terms with the Daimyo of the Land of Fire if you don't read?" He paused, then added with a hint of pride, "My brother graduated early. He couldn't have done that without reading."

Naruto paused, holding back from his default response. He wanted to be different, right? So… "I guess that makes sense," he conceded, bending down to pick up another kunai. He rubbed a thumb over the flat edge. "Which means I'm gonna need to read."

"It's not that bad," Sasuke said. "You won't be doing it alone."

"You mean you'll help?"

"Well…" Sasuke averted his eyes, a hint of red dusting his cheeks. "We're going to be shinobi together, right? If you can't even throw a kunai straight, I don't know if you can read properly. Which means I'll need to help you."

That was the kind of convoluted Sasuke logic that Naruto simultaneously loved and hated. Only this time the Sasuke spouting it was a lot cuter. Because he was small and tiny and squishy.

A second later Naruto realized he was also small and tiny and squishy and that these thoughts were horrifying and he needed brain bleach.

He could hear Kakashi snickering at him and his sensei wasn't even anywhere close by.

"That's awfully nice of you, Sasuke," Naruto said eventually, teasing just a little. He couldn't help it. This Sasuke was too easy.

"Shut it!" Sasuke snapped, cheeks definitely red now. "You'll definitely need the help!"

Naruto laughed, rubbing under his nose. "Ehh, probably. But I know I'll do great with you, Sasuke!"

"Hm." Sasuke turned, his ears distinctly pink.

Naruto had to hide his grin behind a hand, because that vocalization was different from Sasuke's other one. This was a pleased sound.

Wait, did Itachi have those types of vocalizations? Naruto would need to find out. He would be disappointed if it wasn't just a Sasuke thing, because then he would have to learn Itachi's mannerisms.

Turning back to the target, Naruto continued practicing, letting Sasuke adjust his stance every now and then while he threw kunai. It was boring, so he couldn't help but let his mind wander to what Kakashi was probably doing.

"Huh." Sasuke's surprised voice drew Naruto back to the present. "That was fast."

"Eh – ahhh." Naruto stared at the last so many throws he'd done absentmindedly. They were all perfect bull's-eyes. Rubbing the back of his head, he looked to Sasuke. "I did say I learned fast with my body, ya know?"

Sasuke didn't look upset, though. There was a hint of excitement in his dark eyes, and he started pulling out shuriken.

"The stance is similar with these," Sasuke said, showing how to hold them. "But throwing is a little trickier because they move differently."

"Awesome!" Naruto took several shuriken. "I'll be an amazing shinobi in no time! Soon I'll even be flying across roofs like that other guy!"

"The one who ran into you, you mean?" Sasuke asked, amused.

"Yeah, that one!" Naruto slumped as if disappointed. "He just gave me a quick 'sorry' and ran off. He could've paid for the paint…"

"Paint?"

"Yeah!" Naruto flung out a shuriken without thinking, knocking it into one of the kunai that was in the bull's-eye. It knocked the kunai out and fell to the grass. Pretending to ignore what had just happened, Naruto linked his hands behind his head. "It was gonna be a really good prank, too! But he knocked everything over… At least I know that getting that color out is going to be a pain." He snickered, remembering how orange Kakashi's fingers had been that night.

Sasuke eyed Naruto with what looked like curiosity. "You…do pranks?"

"Of course I do!" Naruto managed to hold his grin for a few seconds before it faded, an old pain resonating in his chest. "I mean…it's not like I can play with anyone…" He shrugged, hands still linked behind his head.

"Why not?" Sasuke asked, head tilting inquisitively. "There are civilians that would play with you."

"Their parents are all like 'Don't go near that boy! He's baaad.'" Naruto drew the word out, lips twisting. "Not that I did anything to them. I mean, I probably could if I wanted to? But I haven't, so I don't know why they're being so mean."

Naruto let his hands drop, fingering the shuriken that he hadn't let go. After a moment he threw one, purposefully making sure it missed its mark and dropped short of the target. "Not that it matters!" He turned to Sasuke, painting on a bright grin. "I'm gonna be totally awesome, and then they'll be sorry they never got to know me!"

Sasuke said nothing, throwing his own shuriken and hitting the target dead on. "It's their loss," he said eventually, side-eyeing Naruto. He held out another shuriken, a smirk playing at his lips that Naruto was all too familiar with. "Come on. You're not going to get anywhere without knowing how to throw a shuriken."

Returning Sasuke's smirk with a grin, Naruto shot him a thumbs up.

This was going so well that Naruto couldn't help but wonder if there was going to be a catch.

Maybe Sasuke hadn't told his parents what he was doing? His best friend always had a bit of a rebellious streak to him…

The Juubi's roar was terrifyingly loud, the sound itself somehow transforming into wind that shook trees and reshaped the land around its body. It was a sound of destruction and death and calamity and heralded the end.

And an instant later, the bijuudama it fired enveloped the land.

The heat was blistering, but then it was suddenly cold before there was absolutely nothing at all.

He hadn't had any time to react, to reach out with Kurama's cloak to shield his allies.

When the dust cleared, when the sound died out, when the energy from the bijuudama dissipated finally, he didn't want to look to confirm what his senses had already told him.

He was alonealonealonealone.

Ashes drifted about him, and he didn't want to breathe, didn't want to take in the remnants of his friends' remains. Why was he still alive?

There was no use in being alive when everyone else was dead and he couldn't defeat the Juubi by himself.

There was another deafening roar, and this time he closed his eyes, let Kurama's chakra go, and waited—

Only to open his eyes when two hands grasped hold of his shoulders and he was looking into Kakashi's eyes, his sensei shaking him and yelling in his face.

This wasn't the same battlefield as before. There was no Juubi towering over them. There was just Madara, horrifyingly white due to the Juubi's chakra, and Obito struggling against him, using his Mangekyou Sharingan to its full extent to dodge Madara's attacks.

He reached out with trembling fingers, pressing a hand to Kakashi's flak jacket, pushing in until he could feel Kakashi's heart thundering. His sensei was alive and he was going to damn well keep it that way.

Kakashi grabbed his wrist and turned, pulling him alongside as they ran.

Several steps later, he was running down a street in Konoha, no longer by Kakashi but rather Sasuke and Sakura. They were younger than he remembered, both of them looking twelve.

He breathed, relief/agony/terror ringing through them even though there was no sign of war around him. It couldn't be that easy, could it?

His friends slowed to a walk, and he did as well, looking over his shoulder for Kakashi but not seeing him. Butterflies swam in his stomach, and he wished he knew where his sensei was.

Dropping a beat behind Sakura and Sasuke, he watched his surroundings warily. Nothing was ever as good as it seemed—

The ground shook; he kept on his feet just barely. The sky darkened, and he looked up instinctively, mouth going dry in terror when he saw the moon.

It was red.

When Naruto woke, he had something stuffed in his mouth to muffle his scream. After a moment, he realized it was his blanket, and he spat the cloth out, breathing heavily through his mouth.

He reached up to rub his forehead, uncaring of the tears smeared over his cheeks.

The end of that dream hadn't been that terrifying. Why was he so scared?

They had red moons all the time, usually because of something funky with the atmosphere, but red moons plus tomoes signaled something bad. Usually they managed to kick down Madara before he could pull the Infinite Tsukuyomi off, although by the end he'd gotten so irritated with the "mangy rats" that he'd bypassed the genjutsu altogether in favor of hunting them down.

Naruto still wasn't sure if that was something to be proud of or not. He opted for pride; Kakashi opted for a quiet weariness and planning for the next attack.

But that dream hadn't been the worst he'd had, so Naruto didn't know why his heart was beating so quickly, why his skin was clammy with sweat, or why he couldn't quite get his breathing to even out. He'd had worse, so why was this one hitting him so hard?

Naruto rolled over onto his back, kicking the blankets off to let the cool air in his apartment touch his skin.

He hadn't trained with Kakashi tonight. His sensei had dropped by, told Naruto to rest up, and then left. Naruto hadn't been able to tell him anything about what happened today with Sasuke or ask about how Kakashi was doing.

He hadn't been able to talk with Kakashi since the last time they'd trained, and that time he'd been so exhausted that he wasn't sure if he'd said anything coherent.

Naruto missed talking with Kakashi. He'd gotten too used to being able to spend time with his sensei day in and day out, even if the circumstances hadn't been the best.

Naruto missed talking with anyone, but Kakashi especially. His sensei understood things in a way Sasuke and Sakura didn't, having lived through another war and more death than any of his students had. So Naruto had a lot to talk with him about as the war dragged on, and as he began to understand more about Kakashi than he ever had as a child.

Watching the shadows play on the ceiling, Naruto laid the back of his hand against his forehead, exhaling softly. The shakiness was gradually leaving, and he thought he could probably get up without stumbling over thin air now.

Not that he had anywhere to go aside from finding out where Kakashi lived.

It would be a mission for tomorrow night Naruto figured. Especially if he had another nightmare.

He had no doubt Kakashi was having just as many difficulties, only he was too idiotic to say anything about it. His sensei always liked punishing himself.

But Naruto wasn't going to have it. Not on his watch.

[achoirofcritters]

I haven’t done an introductory post in a while...

And I have gained so many Followers since the last one! So for all you newbies of like, honestly, the past 6 months or so, here’s some things about me and the critters that this blog sometimes talks about! A Choir of Critters: a summary, LOL.

Mostly we’re a dog blog but the URL A Choir of Critters is meant to encompass all of my pets: I also keep rats, mice, gerbils, cats, and a crested gecko! My main blog is @nocturnalsymphony and I have a... under-used photography blog @bridgettejonesphotography!

Evelyn “Evie”

Our star of the show and the reasoning for this blog, Evie is a 3 year old brindle generic bully breed mutt. She was adopted from the local shelter in November of 2014, a few months after I moved into my own home. Evie is my super-model, my star child, my Literal Perfection™ dog, and exactly the companion I needed as mid-2014 is when I lost my great-grandmother who had raised me and my childhood home. Evie made me fall in love with dogs again. I want to say that at least most of the community is familiar with my Evie-bean. She’s a professional snuggler, always eager to learn, is very food oriented, and after a few scuffles in her lifetime, she is dog-selective when meeting new dogs and does not meet well on the leash, but once she gets to know a dog, she’s very good with them. She’s always been super tolerant of Astaroth and @professional-pup‘s Hesper is her BFF and husband. She is so in-tune to peoples’ anxiety and is very good at just... laying on you and giving you stability through a panic attack, something she has done for me, my girlfriend, and a couple of my friends. She loves all humans and small ones are her favorite!

Astaroth

Our baby boy and co-star of the blog, Astaroth, aka: demon potato floof, aka: awful waffle, is my red merle Australian Shepherd. He was born April 10th, 2016, and will be a year old in a couple of months (may how the time flies ;0;), and he came home from his breeder in June 2016! Astaroth was my first puppy in over 10 years. I’d been seeking a companion for Evie and had to make the decision to put my mini Aussie down earlier in the year, so my search led me to an Aussie breeder in my state, which in turn led me to Astaroth. He’s show-lines, smart as a whip when he wants to be, and very food-motivated. He was arguably one of the easiest puppies I’d ever seen, never stressing me out beyond belief, and only wrecking havoc very occasionally. ;) He’s a very soft, gentle boy, is very passive, and is relatively calm and low-energy for an Aussie. Honestly he’s just a total sweetie. A little reserved at first in new settings and he can be weary of new people, but once he knows you, he’s all butt-wiggles and excitement. My friend Abi is one of his favorite people in the world. We’re still teaching him the art of modeling, bwahaha, and his favorite past time is definitely chewing on Evie’s ears, something she’s 10,000% immune to by now.

I also have these fuckers:

These guys are my 4 cats: Shaman, the russian blue, Valka, the long-haired calico, Prince Caspian, generic DSH, and Tobias Grimm, the maine coon mix. They are not seen on the blog as often due to being indoor-only and the lighting in my house being atrocious, so I’m not able to photograph them as often. Shaman is the oldest and the other three are honestly all around the same age-range. All were adopted from local shelters except for Caspian, who was a kitten in a feral litter of my neighbor’s in my old neighborhood. Tobias is my Heart Cat and, like Evie, is very in-tune to my anxiety and mental health and will lay with me and purr if I’m feeling low. Even though he is honestly an asshole to everyone and everything else. Shaman is our attention-leech and is almost always in a lap or on a person. Valka is our elusive beauty who sleeps with me but tends to stay in the back bedrooms most often, and Caspian is the Literal Worst Cat Ever who never snuggles, only enjoys pets on occasion, and is a total menace, but he’s smol and cute so we forgive him.

My girlfriend also has a solid black manx cat named Selma who is dumb and ridiculous. :P

Xylphia, my crestie! I’ve had her since July 2014 and I just adore her, even though she’s an apathetic creature who feels no emotion for me whatsoever. :’) But she is just so cute. No hand can contain her, and she is totally obsessed with food. We’ve only lost her to an escape once, when Tobias, the fat-ass, popped the screen on her terrarium and she climbed out, but we managed to find her safe and sound somehow in this house of 5-cats. I absolutely adore crested geckos and will probably continue to keep them.

Hestia and Sigyn are my two fancy mice. :) They live with my girlfriend’s two female mice. Sigyn is a total sweetie and I adore her - Hestia’s kind’ve a chicken shit who doesn’t want much to do with human contact, lol. The mice and rats both change fairly often in my life due to the short lifespans of these rodents. :(

My current rats, although I’m missing photos of two new baby girls we got recently! Our females our Helena, Chrysabelle, and Beatrix. The only one pictured is Helena. My current males are Leander, Ian, and Archer. :) Males and females live in separate Critter Nations. I once had a partially tumblr-famous rat, Isaac, who passed late last year after living quite a long and full life: Here

And my raptor squad gerbils, Blue and Echo, who live with my girlfriend’s very fat black gerbil who is also named for the Jurassic World raptor squad!

But the rodents have shorter lifespans so they come and go a lot more often. :( I’m going to try and get more consistent about photographing my mice and rats. Still, the puppers are who you will hear about the most on this blog still, we’re very much mostly a dogblr, because the pups are the only ones who get to have out-of-the-house adventures, which makes for better photo opportunities! Since this blog is very photo-oriented. :)

As for meeeee~

I know I’m the least interesting here, but.... ;) My name’s Bridgette and I’m the blonde one in this pic, with my beloved pups and my girlfriend Elisabeth! I’m swiftly approaching 26 years old (later this month, February) and own my own home in Kentucky. I work as a night shift desk clerk for a hotel, and am trying to grow my photography skills so that maybe one day it will be a profession. I’ve always been very passionate about animals - other obsessions include nerdy things, writing, music, and of course, photography! My friends’ group is affectionately known as the Chain Gang and I’m an inner goth at heart, haha. I’m bi, have a lot of anxiety, and I’ve fought depression off and on since my grandmother passed, but I’m pretty much carrying on doing my best from day to day. I don’t have much family but I’m close with my mom and my other still-living grandmother.

Fellow dogblr friends can add me on Facebook here if they’d like!

I also have a Facebook page for photography: HERE

And that’s just a little about us here at @achoirofcritters! Hope to learn more about my followers and interact with them more as well. :)

Thanks for following! *smooch*