#and now I’m her actual age and it’s like…. none of the characters ended up where they thought they would

[hawnks]

the fact that the rights to Bee & Puppycat are once again in a contentious place and we’re probably gonna have to wait another decade for ANOTHER revival……. :’)

[bwabys-scenarios]

Halloween with the Spiders

Phantom Troupe x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

warnings: looots of pussy eating, characters get hard/horny around reader. they eat her pussy after drinking, but they’re only buzzed, not drunk

A/N: I write Chrollo as the shy and awkward guy he actually is so… he’s not super suave in this. Also sorry I wrote out Kortopi, Franklin, and Bonolenov. I’m just not interested in their characters like at all 😭🙏 they’ve got nothing going for them I’m afraid!

taglist: @desiray562 @lovelyxkazuha @ashdownunderscorebeloved

if you would like to be added to the NSFW taglist, comment a ❤️!! make sure you have your AGE in your bio, and that you’re able to be tagged/mentioned!

It was the end of summer, august slipping into September before you knew it. The weather was still warm enough outside for you to be wearing a tank top and shorts, something the blonde you were currently dealing with appreciated greatly.

“Okay Shal, you should be good to go. You can get a popsicle from the fridge now.”

You were the sweetheart of the Phantom Troupe, a woman Chrollo had recruited to be the troupe medical director after he watched you donate your time and services to meteor city residents.

Right now, you were at one of the various expensive hotels Chrollo rented for you, using your nen to tend to Shalnark’s wounds. “Thanks, (Name)! I really thought I was a goner this time!”

He gives you a sly smile as he laps at the popsicle you give him, causing you to laugh. “Shal, you had a cut on your cheek. I swear, you’re such a baby.”

You didn’t know the real reason he always came with injuries in… strange places. He wanted you to use your nen on him, knowing it worked in an unusual way.

When you wanted to heal someone, you used physical touch, and depending on the severity, it could be a touch of your finger to a kiss from your lips. Today, it was a simple touch.

You glanced at the TV, a Halloween themed add popping up. “Oh wow, they’re showing these real early this year.”

Shalnark looked up, biting down on his popsicle. “Huh, weird.”

He hummed, getting a mischievous look in his eyes. You were a real sweetheart, but also easily manipulated by sob stories. “You know, none of the Phantom Troupe has ever celebrated Halloween.”

This had your full attention immediately. “… what?”

———————

Ever since Shalnark informed you of the troupes lack of Halloween experience, you’ve been meticulously planning a way to celebrate with them.

It wasn’t easy getting them all together unless Chrollo willed it, so you’d have to go to the leader to ask for a favor.

You were one of the only members that knew of his location at all times. In your mind, it was because you had an important role, but in reality it was because Chrollo quite enjoyed your presence.

“Chrollo!”

You sprinted towards the dark haired man, and though calling out his name in public wasn’t exactly the safest thing to do, he didn’t scold you. He instead smiled, opening his arms and allowing you to jump into them. “I’m glad you could find me with ease. Let’s go to a cafe and you can discuss what you wanted to talk about with me.”

Chrollo never let you pay for your own things when he went places with you. He said it was because you did so much good for the Troupe, but that was only a half truth. He enjoyed taking care of you.

“Mmm… oh!”

You placed your pumpkin spice muffin down, and Chrollo couldn’t help but laugh when when you held up a finger as you chewed. “I almost forgot to actually talk about what I came for! Chrollo!”

He lifted a napkin, wiping at your mouth. “Shh, (Name). You shouldn’t speak my name out loud so easily, it’s not exactly a common name.”

You blushed, and he placed the dirty napkin in a nearby trash can. “Oh, sorry…”

He motioned for you to talk, and you cleared your throat. “Anyways, Shalnark told me that none of you have ever celebrated Halloween! Is that true?”

He stared at you for a moment, trying to see why you’re bringing that fact up. “Yes, that’s true, we haven’t c-“

Your tears surprised him, but not enough for him to react. You’re kind of known for being a bleeding heart, so his expression stayed neutral, but he did offer you his handkerchief. “Chrollo, Halloween is so much fun! You get to carve pumpkins, wear costumes, eat lots of treats…”

You paused, reaching out to grab his hand. “So, the reason I asked to see you…”

Chrollo waited for you to continue patiently. He couldn’t help but find your ditzy and forgetful nature endearing, so he smiled.

“I want the troupe to get together on Halloween at my house!”

This actually surprised him. He nearly choked on his strawberry scone, having to pat his chest for a moment. “You… you said the troupe? As in everyone?”

“Mhm!”

He stared at you for a moment to see if you were being serious. You were smiling, looking hopeful and expectant.

‘How… can I put this gently..?’

Chrollo squeezed your hand, causing you to tilt your head. “(Name), my sweet and kind friend, the troupe has only come together once in the past three years, and that was for an important heist. I’m not sure if they’ll want to meet for… a Halloween party.”

You giggled. “Oh, but I’m sure they’ll love it! Besides, if you order it, they’ll come!”

He sighed. You looked way too cute, giggling and smiling as you pulled out a notebook and began showing him the things you already had planned.

Sometimes, when he watched you, all he could see was Sarasa. Your perky personality and compassion for others reminded him of her so much, it was one of the reasons he adored you so.

And one of the reasons he had trouble telling you no.

“Alright, alright. I’ll ask them to come, but it won’t be mandatory.”

You squealed in delight, nearly jumping over the table to give him a hug. “Oh, thank you Chrollo! It’s going to be fun, I promise!”

He sighed, smiling and patting your back. Normally, Chrollo would push any other person away, but he let you get away with a lot. “Okay, (Name).”

———————

It was the day before Halloween, and you were sulking. Already, three of the Troupe members wouldn’t be able to come. Franklin, Kortopi, and Bonolenov each called to say they couldn’t make it.

You’d spent most of the week decorating your house and getting it ready for guests. Feitan, Shalnark, and Shizuku would be staying in your three guest bedrooms while the rest rented hotels.

“(Nameeeee) come open the door!”

You blinked, looking out the window to see Shizuku behind your door. “Oh, Shizuku, you’re early. I thought you’d be here tonight?”

She walked into your home, turning in a circle before tilting her head. “I wanted first pick of the rooms, so I finished up my job quick.”

That was only half true, she wanted more private time with you!

“Oh, that makes sense. You’re just in time then, I finished making all the beds a few minutes ago!”

She nodded and walked upstairs to pick her room. Not even five minutes later, you heard someone knocking at your door.

“Coming!”

You open the door to see Feitan standing behind it, holding…

“Feitan, is that… is that a pumpkin?”

“Halloween, pumpkins are important.”

He handed the pumpkin to you before pushing past you into your house. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he looked almost… proud of his “gift” for you? Feitan watched you carry the pumpkin into your kitchen, where you sat in on the counter.

“Oh wow, it’s huge! What a nice pumpkin!”

He nods, following you. “Stole best one.”

You held back a laugh, knowing he was a bit sensitive when it came to giving gifts and being nice. “Oh, I can tell. Thank you so much Fei!”

Feitan had the habit of following you around like a stray cat when he was around. It was an improvement to your relationship when you first joined the Phantom Troupe as an honorary member. He used to sprint away from you the second you looked at him, and now he followed a few feet behind at all times. Honestly, he was pretty cute. Like a stray cat.

“Hey princess!”

You blinked as your door was torn off its hinges and Uvogin walked in, laughing and stomping into your kitchen before picking you up into a crushing hug.

Feitan stood in the doorway, watching the interaction with narrowed eyes. “Careful, Uvo. She not like us. Fragile.”

uvogin looked down to see Feitan was right. The girl in his eyes was making a pained expression, patting his arm to signal she couldn’t breathe. “Oh, my bad.”

He let her go, keeping her steady as she drew in breath. “Woo… now that is a bear hug that I think an actual bear would give, Jesus Christ…”

You turned back towards the cabinets and began taking out what you would need to get started on baking. “Uvo, could you be a dear and grab my Halloween decorations from the attic? I tried to get them earlier, but they were way too heavy.”

“Of course!”

He walked up the stairs, leaving you to sigh softly. “Okay, let’s see what we can do about that door-“

“It’s aight, (Name). I’ve got it fixed.”

You nearly jump out of your skin when Phinks and Shalnark just appear behind you, and peek over them to see that your door was indeed fixed!

“Oh, thank you guys!” You give them both an affectionate pat to the arm before continuing your baking preparations.

———————

By the time you finish baking, your house is full of Phantom Troupe members. Pakunoda, Nobunaga, and Machi arrived individually within the last few hours. Machi shyly offered to help you bake, watching you from the corner of her eye as you worked. ‘Cute, she’s even wearing an apron…’ Machi thought, her eyes soft as she watched you.

Chrollo was the last to arrive, getting to your house at nearly 8 pm. He opened the door, every member looking up to him when he did. “Hello, everyone. I’m glad to see you could all make it.”

You rushed forward and took his coat, gently scolding him for not wearing a shirt underneath. He laughed, sitting down and smiling at the troupe. Chrollo waited for you to go back to the kitchen before his face returned to its usual serious expression.

“As you can see, (Name) has tried her hardest to make our first Halloween celebration the best it can be. You’ll do as she says, and have fun, though I’m sure none of you wish to upset our special girl.”

They all glanced between each other, nodding slowly. After that, they had a quick meeting to discuss non Halloween matters before (Name) came back into the living room. “Okay, I know I gathered you all here before Halloween, but it’s only to go over my plans and give you all your gifts!”

“Gifts? Aww, you didn’t have to do that for us, sweetheart.” Nobunaga said, smiling.

“But I wanted to! Lemme go grab them!”

You scurried up the stairs, giggling the whole way up. “It seems she’s excited about this.”

You walked down the stairs a few minutes later with a large box in your arms, whining a bit. “Hnn… it’s kind of heavy…”

Several of the boys jumped up to help you, but Feitan got there first. “Give. Too weak.”

You handed the box over, knowing Feitan was doing it to help you. “Thanks, Fei!” You gave him that pretty smile of yours, and the rest of the troupe grumbled lightly.

Feitan sat the box on your coffee table, using his sharp nails to slice open the tape. “…”

Inside were clothes, all the same design. “(Name) what exactly are these… gifts?” Shalnark asked, tilting his head as he pulled a set out.

“Oh, they’re matching pajamas! I was hoping we could all get a picture together!”

You hand out everyone’s clothes, smiling.

“How did you know our sizes?” Pakunoda asked, seeing the set of pajama was her size. You giggle, turning towards her.

“I have my ways~”

Surprisingly, most of them were completely fine dressing in the Halloween themed pajamas for pictures, and the ones that weren’t did it anyways.

Phinks sat on the couch after the pictures, humming. “Huh, these are pretty warm and soft. You mind if I take these with me back to my hotel?”

“I don’t mind at all, they’re yours after all!”

The people that weren’t staying the night filed out soon after, all thanking you, a few giving you hugs and cheeky kisses to her forehead.

“Goodnight, (Name). Sleep well, and thank you for this.”

Chrollo was the last to leave, saying that before cupping your cheek and planting a kiss on your forehead. It left you. A little flustered, but you still waved at them all. “Be safe, and make sure you’re here by 9 am!”

Shalnark, Feitan, and Shizuku stayed behind, the former two eating some leftovers you had in the fridge. “Wow, it’s been nearly a month since I’ve gotten to try your homemade cooking, (Name)! This is amazing!”

You felt your face heat up, giving your friends a sheepish smile. “I’m happy you’re enjoying it.”

Soon, everyone went to bed, and you climbed into your own, excited for the day to come.

You wake up in the middle of the night to the feeling of eyes on you. You’re quick to reach for your light switch, only for your hand to come in contact with someone’s face.

A hand covered your mouth before you could scream, the person shushing you gently. “Don’t worry, it’s just me, (Name).”

Shalnark sat, crouched next to your bed, that boyish smile on his face as he pulled his hand away. “Huh… why are… why are you in my room?”

“Oh, we’re watching you sleep.”

“We’re?”

You blinked, glancing around the room to see Feitan standing in your doorway, leaning against it. “I not watch, making sure he don’t try something.” Feitan corrected, glancing to the blonde.

“Oh, you wound me Fei. I would never hurt (Name)!”

“Not hurt, but might touch while sleeps.”

The blonde blushed, glancing down at you as you gave him a disturbed look. “No, I promise I wouldn’t do that! I just… you look really cute when you sleep!”

“… how many times have you watched me sleep??”

“… almost every time we have a mission together.”

Feitan nodded to confirm this, walking into your room. “He not mean any harm, just worried.”

Shalnark pouted at his friend. “So you were teasing me on purpose earlier?”

The two ignored him. “Worried? What does that mean?”

Feitan sighed, plopping down on your bed. “We… lost people before. Shalnark get anxious, not want you to get hurt. Watches you.”

You soften, gently patting the blondes head. “Aww, Shal, that’s really sweet. I’m okay though, I promise!”

You give them both a smile, tentatively patting Feitan’s arm. He tenses, but doesn’t move. ‘Progress!’

You kind of treat Feitan like a scared stray cat, and it works most of the time. After your gentle pat, he scoots closer ever so slightly. You rub your eyes and yawn. “Well, I’m going back to sleep.”

You turn around and pull the blanket up to your chin, snuggling into your pillow-

“Shizuku!?”

“Hi.”

The dark haired girl was lying next to you, wearing the Halloween pajamas you gave her. “W-when did you get here?”

“I’ve been here the whole time.”

“She has.”

“Longer than Shal.”

You sigh, lying back on your pillow, accepting this. “Okay, as I said, I’m going to sleep. Just… don’t do anything weird and you can all stay.”

Strangely, having the three in your room helped you sleep better. It almost made you feel safe, knowing your friends were watching over you.

——————

The Troupe gathers in your living room at 9 am sharp, some looking tired, others perky. You’re surrounded by your comrades, some(namely Shizuku and Feitan) hovered around you shamelessly as you began to speak.

“Okay, the first thing on our list is pumpkin carving!”

You had Uvogin and Phinks help you carry in the pumpkins as Pakunoda and Machi laid out newspaper to keep your living room clean. “So this isn’t just normal pumpkin carving, it’s a contest! I’ll be the judge, and whoever makes the pumpkin I like the best, wins!”

“What’s prize?” Feitan asked, poking his pumpkin. You blinked at the shorter man.

“Oh… I think I completely forgot about a prize. Any ideas guys?”

You smiled, still in your cute pajamas. Shalnark raised his hand. “Shal?”

“How about a blowj-“

Phinks smacked the blonde over the head before Shalnark is pulled away by a few members and scolded in the corner.

“Hmm? What did he say?” You asked, tilting your head. Chrollo cleared his throat, the man surprisingly flustered easily.

“Nothing. How about… a kiss from you as a prize?”

You hummed softly. “A kiss? That doesn’t seem like a good prize, I don’t think anyone here would want th-“

The entire troupe started to argue with you, and you blush.

“Oh, um… okay. A kiss it is.”

This helped to motivate the group, but before they could start you raised your hand. “Two rules, guys. No nen, and you have to use these pumpkin carving tools.”

Already, Machi and Shalnark were pouting. Feitan took the pumpkin carving kit, raising an eyebrow at you. “… dull blade. Why?”

“Well, it’s supposed to be child safe.”

“(Name), we’re a band of thieves.” Chrollo said, his lips twitching into an amused smile. “We can handle actual knives.”

You whine and hand him his own kit, puffing out your cheeks. “Well too bad, thems the rules!”

You cross your arms and walk into the kitchen.

“Haha, you sure pissed her off, boss! Boss?”

Chrollo sat in the chair with his head in his hands, groaning. “I’m an idiot.”

Uvogin clapped him over the back with his large hand, laughing. “Oh don’t worry boss, you know she can be pouty when it comes to our safety.”

“Boss not wrong though. Kill people, can use knife.” Feitan grumbled, stabbing his pumpkin.

“Fei, I don’t think that’s how you carve a pumpkin.” Phinks said, crouching down.

“Tch, you know better?”

Phinks held up his phone, a tutorial on the screen. Pakunoda, Machi, and Shizuku sat together, ignoring the men as they carved their pumpkins, occasionally dodging flying pumpkin guts.

——————

You walked out of the kitchen 30 minutes later, carrying in some muffins shyly. “Sorry, I was a little rude earlier. I made some- oh, are you all done?”

You ignored the complete mess the troupe had made, happy that you laid out plenty of newspaper. Nobunaga nodded, holding up his pumpkin. For an expert in the sword, it looked… really bad.

“Yep, we just finished up!”

You hummed and looked over each pumpkin. “Oh, Paku, is yours a cat?”

She nodded, trying to keep a neural expression. It was a little cat, and you couldn’t help but coo and take a picture. “Cute!”

It wasn’t amazing, but cute nonetheless. You continued looking, the next one to catch your attention being Shalnark’s. It was an image of some anime character, and despite looking amateur, you could recognize the character. “Oh, is that sailor moon? It’s really good Shal!”

He gave you a proud smile, holding his pumpkin i his lap. The last pumpkin that caught your attention was Feitan’s, which was honestly the best looking one. It was a detailed carving of human heart, and you couldn’t help but be impressed.

“I think we have a winner!”

You pick up Feitan’s pumpkin and hold it up for everyone to see. Despite being upset they didn’t win, everyone also agreed his was the best looking.

You placed the pumpkin on your table before smiling. Under his jacket, Feitan’s cheeks were a soft pink as he stood before you. “Fei, are you ready for your prize?”

He froze, his hands trembling slightly in his pockets. Feitan had always been on the shy side, and when it came to you, his shy nature only intensified. The others could pick this up, especially Phinks and Shalnark. The two were about to speak up, but you talked first.

“Fei, I won’t kiss you if you don’t want it.”

His eyes widen slightly. How should he tell you that it’s not that he doesn’t want to kiss you, it’s the fact that he wasn’t sure how his body would react to such a thing? Shit, it was already hard enough to not pop a boner in your presence, a kiss might kill him!

“Kiss… kiss alright. Can handle it,” he tried to say nonchalantly, but his words came out shaky. You smiled warmly, stepping closer and gently tugging the hood of his coat down.

“Are you ready?”

His heart thumped against his chest rapidly, his eyes half lidded as he stared at your soft lips. “Y-yeah…”

You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his for a moment before pulling away, giggling. “There you go!”

You open your eyes, only to see him tug his hood back into place and speed away from you. Feitan’s face was bright red, and he could feel his pants tighten as he his under hid coat.

“Well,” Chrollo said, getting everyone’s attention. Only few people would be able to read the hint of jealousy in his eye as he spoke. “What’s next, (Name)?”

———————

After a quick lunch, the group gathered at a corn maze. “Okay everyone, we’re going in groups of two, using the buddy system in case we get separated! Stranger danger, ya know?”

Phinks patted your head. “No one else is here, (Name), we’re the only people in line. I don’t think we’ll have any trouble with stranger danger.”

“Besides, we’re all adults and nen users.” Pakunoda said, slightly amused by your concern.

“Hmph! We’re doing the buddy system, there’s scare actors in there. What if one of them can use nen? It’s better to stick to pairs of two!”

Chrollo nodded, paying for everyone to enter. “That’s smart, (Name).”

The pairs were as so: Chrollo and Pakunoda, Phinks and Feitan, Shalnark and Machi, Uvogin and Nobunaga, then Shizuku and you.

Pakunoda glanced at you and Shizuku. “Are you sure that’s a good idea, (Name)? Shizuku can be a bit forgetful, I don’t want you two to get separated. You’re scared easily, aren’t you (Name)?”

Shizuku huffed before pulling you into her chest. “Hey, I’ll keep her safe! I’ll stay focused!”

You blushed a little, your face directly in her breasts. “Mmph!”

She released you, patting your head. “Whoops, you alright?”

You nodded shyly, your face hot.

The group entered the maze, taking different paths. It was large and intricate, more like a labyrinth than a maze. Shizuku kept a hold on your hand, occasionally squeezing it when someone jumped out to scare the two of you.

“Oh. (Name), are you scared?”

You were trembling and holding onto her arm, giving her a slight nod. “A little, y-yeah…”

The two of you continued to walk through the maze, but Shizuku seemed to space out. “Hmm…”

She let go of your hand for just a moment, and when you attempted to grab her hand again, she was already gone. “Shizuku? Shizuku!”

You shook in your little Mary Janes as you tried to find her. Just then a man with a chainsaw begin chasing you, causing you to shriek and sprint in a random direction. “AGH! SHIZUKU! SOMEONE!”

You cried in fear, spotting a familiar figure and nearly sobbing. “Uvo! Nobu!”

They looked up, Uvogin opening his arms to allow you to jump into them. He held you close as you trembled and cried, obviously terrified. Nobunaga gave you a look of concern before glancing up, unsheathing his sword and the man approached.

“Hey, back off. She’s scared.”

The man takes one look at the two menacing figures before turning around and running away. Nobunaga turns back to you, gently running his hand over your hair to smooth it out. “Hey, he’s gone. You’re okay now.”

You sniffle a little, but relax into Uvogin’s arms. “There ya go, princess. Just relax. We’ll find our way out.”

The two spent the rest of the maze in silence. Their intimidating presences alone were enough to keep all the scare actors at bay. By the end of the maze, you had fallen asleep, your arms around Uvogin’s neck.

“Uvo, Nobu? Oh thank god, you found her!”

Shalnark ran towards the three, looking over you with relieved eyes. Nobunaga held a finger up to his lips, the blonde getting quiet. “She’s sleeping, Shal. Did anyone find Shizuku?”

Said girl was being scolded by Feitan close by. She seemed sorry enough, glancing at you with regretful eyes. “I didn’t mean to leave her, I got distracted…”

Chrollo took you from Uvogin’s arms, sighing softly as he tucked your hair behind your ear. “That doesn’t matter, all that matters is she’s safe. Let’s get her home.”

By the time the group got home, it was dark. You awoke when you heard a wet thwack!

“Huh? What was that?”

Chrollo set you down. “I’m not sure, I think it’s coming from around the corner.”

You peeked arousn the corner, your eyes going wide. “The pumpkins! Hey!”

You run forward, the troupe following close behind. A group of drunk men were smashing the pumpkins you all worked hard on. “Hey, you assholes! Get away from-“

You attempted to shop them away, but were pushed to the ground. “Shut up, bitch. Stupid whore thinks she can tell us what to do…”

Thankfully, Phinks caught you before you could hit your head on the concrete, his strong arms lifting up up. “You alright, sunshine?”

You nod, sniffling a little, tears running down your cheeks. “They… they’re smashing our pumpkins…”

He did his best to comfort you as the rest of the Troupe advanced. “Trash, make her cry.” Feitan spits, wielding his umbrella.

“What should we do, boss? Can’t let them hurt our sweethearts feelings, can we?” Pakunoda asked, ruffling your hair as she passed by.

Chrollo hummed. “Take them out, but wait until we get (Name) inside.”

Pakunoda, Feitan, and Shizuku stayed outside while the rest walked in. You heard screaming for a minute, then the sound of Shizuku’s nen activating.

“I’m sorry about the pumpkins, (Name). I know you liked them.” Shalnark said, sitting next to you as you sulked on the couch.

“It’s okay… I got pictures of all of them… at least…”

Shalnark patted your back before opening his phone. “I’ll call in some pizza, okay? Uvogin and Nobunaga brought alcohol, so why don’t we watch some horror movies and chill?”

You nodded, rubbing your teary eyes. “Yeah, that sounds fun…”

——————

It didn’t take long for everyone to get pleasantly buzzed, you included. The troupe gathered around your TV, each taking turns to sit next to you. After all, you always jumped into the lap of whoever sat next to you when you got scared!

You stood up, humming. “Imma grab some treats, made ‘em yesterday.”

Little do you know, Shizuku had an idea. You returned with the tray, placing it on the coffee table and smiling. “Okay, dig in g-“

The dark haired girl snuck up behind you, yanking your skirt down and sitting you on the coffee table. “Let’s play a game, whoever can eat her out and make her cum the fastest, wins.”

You sat there dumbfounded, trying to process the fact that your pussy was on full display for the entire troupe, and they were all blatantly staring. You tried to close your legs, whining, but Shizuku kept them held open. “H-hey!”

You pour at her, but you don’t make any further moves to stop her. You’ve never had someone eat you out before, you hadn’t even had sex, so the thought of all 8 members present taking turns making you cum was making your pussy drool in delight.

It’s not like you haven’t imagined it a few times. Your fellow troupe members were attractive, and although this was a little embarrassing, you were a little excited.

“F-fuck…”

Phinks crouched down in front of you, taking a good whiff. You squeaked, your face hot with embarrassment.

He’s quickly shoved away by Machi, who huffed. “You said you get to go first? We’ll have to draw straws.”

Chrollo cleared his throat, the bulge in his pants more than evident. “That’s a good idea, Machi. Get the straws.”

You were allowed to sit down on the couch, a pillow under your hips to get you comfortable.

The first one up was Feitan. You felt a bit sorry for him, he was obviously inexperienced in such a thing, staring at your pussy with wife eyes, his hands shaking a little when he grabbed you by the hips.

He lowered his head to your pussy, looking up at you with those dark eyes. He took his coat off, now only wearing pants. Even from this angle, you could see the tent in his pants, his cheeks a light shade of pink.

“Come on, Fei. Hurry up!” Phinks yelled, tapping his foot impatiently.

Usually, Feitan could be pretty intimidating to most people, but you knew that he wasn’t actually a bad guy, he was just a bit shy and awkward. You played with his hair, trying to encourage him. “It’s okay, take your time.”

Even as you said this, you lightly bucked your hips trying to reach his face. You couldn’t help it, he was so close to burying his nose in your pussy.

Maybe he just needs a little guidance…

You look at him, grabbing a fist full of his hair and gently guiding him to your cunt. His eyes widened, and when his lips touched your pussy, he moaned into you. Feitan’s tongue darted out of his mouth, testing the waters.

“Mmph…”

He buried his face in your pussy, licking and sucking everywhere. Occasionally he’d touch your clit, but you knew without some more guidance, he wouldn’t be able to make you cum.

Gently, you grabbed his hair again, cooing softly as you guided him towards your clit. “Here, Fei.”

He glanced up at you through his dark eyelashes, immediately latching onto your clit. This had you mewling, your hips bucking into his face.

Feitan was a fast learner, you only had to show him how to please you once and he was on it like a hawk. After a minute, you ended up cumming on his tongue, panting softly.

Phinks clapped Feitan on the back as the dark haired man pulled away. “Hey, it took a bit but you got her there! Nice job, man.”

Feitan looked at you shyly, patting your thigh. “… good girl.”

‘Oh, he’s so cute.’ You thought, wanting to give him a kiss or something for his efforts, but the next person up was already crawling between your legs.

Pakunoda held your thighs apart, her thumb rubbing against your clit. “Is that good, princess?”

You nodded, whining a little. “Mhm… ahh!”

You squeak when she inserts a finger, now sucking on your clit as she adds another finger in. You bucked your hips, but she keeps you still.

You cum pretty quick, the woman smiling up at you as you catch your breath. “Mm, you taste divine, (Name).”

She gave your pussy a kiss before moving away for the next person to come.

Chrollo and Shalnark were similar in the way they ate you out. They liked to make a lot of eye contact, their fingers curling inside you, sometimes chuckling on your clit as they suckled on it.

Phinks and Uvogin were rough, their big tongues filling your pussy up, their fingers stretching you out. They both groaned when your walls clenched around their fingers as you came.

Nobunaga and Shizuku were a little desperate, their tongues lapping at you and fingers thrusting into you at ungodly speeds. Although you came quick, it wasn’t as satisfying when you came the previous times.

Machi was much like Pakunoda, taking her time and making you cum on her tongue easily. She was the only on to grab your breasts, making the others jealous. They hadn’t even though of that!

By the end of the night, you were exhausted!

The pillow underneath you was soaked with your cum, your skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat. “Our sweetheart seems tired.” Phinks teased, crouching down to help you get dressed.

The group decided to sleep in the living room, and you fell asleep being cuddled by the entire troupe.

Was it easy being loved by a band of thieves? No. Was it satisfying?

Oh yes.

“This was the best Halloween ever…” you whispered into Chrollo’s chest. He smiled and kissed the top of you head.

“It really was.”

[rlimagi]

Was It Casual?

Pairing: Chloe Charming x reader

Request: there weren’t any specific requests but a few people have been asking me to write for Chloe.

Warnings: reader being in denial, sort of?

Genre: Angst <3

Note: I thought of casual by Chappell Roan while writing this tbh. ALSO, there will be a part 2 because I ended this with a cliffhanger!

Chloe Charming knew she was in love with you from the moment her eyes first met yours, it was love at first sight. She was only 13 back then and feelings were confusing for a girl her age. But you were so charming, in every possible way.

As a princess, she had met many other royals her age. There were many different characters here and there but none of them were as interesting as you were. Chloe had the pleasure to meet you during her brother’s 18th birthday party. Chloe was dancing with her mother when she glanced over to the middle of the ball room and suddenly it was as if you were the only person there.

There were hundreds of people dancing around her but you were the only one she could see. Everything went silent and all she could hear was the rapid beating of her heart, threatening to burst out. And it nearly did when you looked right back into her eyes, oh how beautiful they were.

But then you smiled and everything inside her crumbled. You had the most beautiful eyes and an even more beautiful smile.

Chloe watched as you elegantly walked away from your friends and headed to her. You never took your eyes off her and before she knew it her body started moving and suddenly she had no control anymore. Everyone was dancing around, and every time she took another step she was met by another couple happily dancing pass her.

“Are you alright there, your majesty?” Then she heard a voice so sweet yet unfamiliar behind her. She turned around and was met with your beautiful eyes, shining brighter than any chandelier in the whole castle.

The light coming from above illuminated onto your face so perfectly, it was as if she was staring straight at an angel. And your dress, it was perfect and complimented the rest of your body in every possible way.

“Yes! I’m alright, are you alright?!” Chloe replied, her cheeks turned crimson. A fluttery sensation of excitement and nervousness took over her body when you slightly laugh at her words. She had never felt like that before.

“No, I’m Yn Rose and you must be Charming?” Your smile turned into a mischievous grin as you watched her nervously stumbling over her words.

“I’m charming? Y-You think I’m charming?” Chloe’s eyes widened up before realizing what you actually meant. “Oh, yes. I’m Chloe Charming, that’s probably what you meant.”

You chuckled, shaking your head before holding your hand out and asking for a dance with the fellow princess. “May I have your hands for the night?”

Chloe nodded enthusiastically and let you guide her to where everyone else was.

“And you are charming by the way, no pun intended.”

The rest of the night was magical, you were an amazing dancer and a fun person to spend time with. She had always thought that she’ll need to meet a prince at a ball to have a happily ever after, like her parents, but you were a princess and she was okay with that.

Everything from there on went by like a blur, you had charmed your way into her heart and she was hopelessly in love. Even after 3 years had passed.

But now she felt more hopeless than ever after seeing how you had gotten so close with a girl you’ve only known for less than a week. Personally, she had no issues against Red. The princess was just trying to undo her mom’s wrong doings, although she could be mean sometimes she was trying to be a better person.

Chloe’s problem however was the way you and Red acted around each other, you two had became so close in such a small amount of time it was driving her insane. She knew that the feeling she held was selfish but she couldn’t help but want you all to herself again.

“Chloe why are you so passive aggressive towards Red? You are never this way towards anyone before.” You immediately came up to her after had Red left the room. Chloe and Red had a disagreement about how to get the spell book before Uliana and her gang does but you couldn’t help but notice Chloe’s odd behavior.

“Rules are rules Yn, and breaking into principle Merlin’s office is morally wrong. You know that and she should know better.” Chloe frowned, upset that you kept defending Red even after all the things she said.

Chloe watched as you sighed before making your way next to her. “I agree, it is wrong in a way but not everything is black and white. And it wasn’t just that, you’ve been very aggressive to her since the beginning. It’s not like you to be like this.” your hands laid near hers before you made a quick move to intertwined it.

“Yn…” Chloe muttered, her eyes softened as you leaned closer to her side before using your free hand to gently caressed her cheek.

“You know you can tell me anything.” You whispered, looking at her with such adoring eyes and she became that little girl who got lost in those same eyes 3 years ago again.

She knew she shouldn’t look into your eyes for too long because if she does then her mouth would betray her and you’ll know how she really felt about you. Her life would be over if it ever happens.

“I-I think we should go, see incase Uliana comes around here.” Chloe changed the subject and tried to get away but you held her back.

“You’re not going anywhere until I get some answers, sweetheart. I don’t want to push you but I’m really worried.” With her hands still intertwined with yours, you stood up matching her eyes. “I’m your best friend and I know you think I don’t notice but I do.”

Chloe knew that she wouldn’t be able to control the words that’ll come out her mouth with the way you kept looking at her like she was your whole world. “I love you.”

“I love you too…” You replied softly, as you reached for both of her hands, locking them together. For a moment, Chloe felt like you knew everything she felt without her having to say anything further. She thought that you’ll reciprocate her feelings but her heart shattered when you continued.

“Of course I love you, you’re my best friend! Are you afraid that we’ll stop being best friends because I’m getting close to Red? Because if you are, trust me, love. No one will ever be as precious to me as you are.”

"No, not in that way." Chloe muttered, looking devastated as she pulled her hands out of yours, immedietly missing the gentleness of your hold.

"Chloe..." You mummbled, hurt by how she was acting but still not getting it.

"Remmember when you used to tell me that you wished I was a boy so that you could marry me? I've never wanted to be a boy so badly until then. And when you asked for my hand that night on my brother’s 18th birthday party…I’ve loved you since then.” Chloe wasn’t able to hide how she truly felt anymore and it was devastating to see how you looked at her.

You’ve always looked at her with so much love that it always made her think that maybe, just maybe, you loved her the same way she loved you.

“Chloe, I…” You were lost for words and Chloe could clearly see that.

“I’m sorry, I should go…” She muttered, not noticing tears that were bubbling in her eyes until then. Wiping them away, she left the room in a hurry.

She didn’t want to stay longer when she knew her heart was going to get broken.

[doboosh]

Can I request a Wednesday x fem reader where they’re cuddling in bed - Wednesday the big spoon/reader is on top of her and Enid walks in and Wednesdays like “if you wake her up I’ll murder you” or something haha

“Take one more step, I dare you”

Wednesday Addams x fem!reader

Wednesday isn’t much of a cuddler, but you’re just so tired and look so cute. She can’t help but let you sleep.

Warning(s) None; This is a fluff fluff fluff, I loveee requests like this. What would you guys think about me maybe later on writing a slow burn story with Jenna Ortega x fem!small town reader?

Little insight; I hope no one is angry with me about my first post, I understand the predicament with the age but I hope it was a reasonable action for me to speak on how most people don’t comment on the Xavier Thorpe smut, I specified that I aged the characters up. Again, I love the ff and the writers! No hate at all!

-

Finally.

Fucking finally.

The day had dragged on and on today, you felt as if it was never going to end. Got a bad test grade in not one, but three classes. Three!

All you wanted to do now, was to go into your girlfriends dorm and take a nap in the warmth.. um. coldness of her arms.

Well you’re in the dorm currently, begging for her to let you sleep on her chest.

“Wednesday! Please! I’m tired and I just want to fall asleep on you!” You beg, extravagantly getting on your knees in front of her bed and grabbing her sheets.

She stared at you and rolled her eyes, “Cara mia, you can sleep just fine on your own”

You look up at her and puff out your bottom lip, “Wednesday, honey, please” you drag out the last syllable slowly.

“You’d have to lay on my rock hard, cold, decaying body, because that is not happening”

“Oh my god Wednesday, why are you being so difficult” you whined.

The girl just shrugged and went back to reading her book on her neatly made bed.

“Wednesday please let me sleep on you”

“No, I’m not letting you sleep on me”

-

“How did you get me to agree to let you sleep on me”

“Because you love me so much” you grumbled, as you smothered your face into her sweater.

She huffs as she brings her arms around your body, tugging you closer than you already were.

You liked this

Loved it actually

The sound of her heartbeat by your cheek and the movements her chest makes when she breathes, it was like a lullaby, and before you knew it, you passed out.

Small snores and puffs of air came from your mouth as you slept, and Wednesday couldn’t help but stare at your face and track every detail of it.

She felt humiliating, watching you like this.

She felt like her father when he adorned her mother every waking moment of the day.

Though deep inside her cold body, she loved it.

Your body twitched every now and again, your mind processing your slumber to your limbs.

She brought her hand up to your face and traced out your features softly, barely grazing your skin.

She brought her lips to your head and placed soft kisses on top of it; she herself thought about taking a nap as well, until her roommate and best friend Enid burst through the door as loud as can be.

Wednesday hurriedly covered your ears the best she could, “Enid,” she snapped in a whisper, “If you wake her up, I’ll make it my personal promise to you, to feed you to any creature that may lurk in the bottom of the lake”

Enid stopped full force, slowly turning her head to look at the two of you.

The blonde girls face lit up in a wide, bright smile, and she hurriedly reached for her phone in her bag.

“Enid, don’t you even think about it”

Snap

Oh no she didn’t

Wednesday would’ve gotten up and absolutely annihilated the girl if it weren’t for you still peacefully sleeping on her.

So as for now, all she did was shoot the werewolf a dirty glare. Snuggling closer to you as a way to ignore her.

You’re lucky she loved you so much

-

“Where did Enid go?” You asked, you had woken up a while ago and just decided to lazily sprawl on Wednesday’s mattress.

“Nowhere, just took care of her.. and her phone”

“You what?”

-

I wish I could’ve made this longer! It’s more like an imagine now 🥹 I still hope this is close to what you asked for anon! Love 🤍

[mawinswag]

DIGITAL CIRCUS JAX THEORY

MASSIVE SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY BUT HERE WE GO!!!

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So, as many have pointed out already, there’s a scene at the end of episode 2 [22:23] where after Caine kills gummigoo and sends him back to the canyon, that he fears he can’t know for certain who’s a human and who’s an NPC. So foreshadowing, reference to past events or wacky non-sequitur? Maybe none of them, but the possibility that one of the circus members is actually an NPC is obviously too tantalizing for me to pass up, and given events AFTER this scene I think it can only be Jax, and I’ve got a few pieces of evidence why.

The main crux of this whole thing is that Jax IS an NPC, but he’s the only one in the circus who KNOWS that and is absolutely desperate to make sure that no one finds that out.

Episode one! Small note to start out on, but literally the first thing we learn about Jax, the VERY FIRST thing he has to ask is if Pomni is an NPC or not. Narratively, he’s the person who introduces the CONCEPT of NPCs into this universe, not Ragatha - who tries to break in Pomni the most - or Kinger who seems the most knowledgeable about the circus as a concept. He’s also very intrigued at the concept of a new AI in episode 2 [02:49} Like, the fact that she popped up in the circus unexpectedly doesn’t tip him off that she’s a human character immediately. Which may be how HE was able to trick everyone into thinking he was a human instead of an NPC - possibly by sneaking back through a portal like Gummigoo did and hiding until the start of the next adventure. 

He DOES mention knowing about the headsets like the other human characters, but there’s no reason he CAN’T know about that considering he’s not the latest person to enter the circus. Like, we have a GENERAL idea of who entered first, but that’s just the characters who are still around for the pilot - there’s a lot more considering how many bedroom doors there are. https://shorturl.at/asESX 

So, generally, it’s Kinger, Ragatha, Jax/Gangle, Zooble, then Pomni. Now, how can I argue that Jax is an NPC when he has a canonical age? Not to mention, he’s got a canonical ‘appearance moment.’ Well, there are a few options. Option one is that - NPC or not - Jax HAS been here for a very long time, but rather than being a human, he was born inside the circus. He has a definite, APPEARANCE moment, but it's only implied that this is because of him ENTERING the circus proper - new NPCs appear in the big top all the time, i.e. the gloinks all the mannequins, etc. 

But also, take those ages with a pinch of salt, considering a lot of it was about quelling shipping wars and stopping any discourse about characters being adults and all that lovely hellish nightmare stuff. I think goose had an idea in her head about which characters entered the circus FIRST for sure, but how much they’ve aged and WHETHER they’ve aged is its own question.

ALRIGHT! But enough about Tumblr asks, back to the pilot, I wanna note something that happens with Jax in particular more than any other performer in the circus. He’s the most apparent of the interstitial nature of the circus itself - and the most meta. This can range from him basically winking at the camera like in the pilot [8:37] but I think it’s a bit more than that. Jax in particular is more aware of being a CHARACTER in-universe than specifically being a character in an indie animated series.

After this moment in the pilot [19:58] where Jax says ‘ladies first’ to Gangle as if to be polite before promptly following that up with “no, wait, why would I say that,” indicates a few things to me. Jax is at the very least aware that he’s supposed to act a certain way, and realizes when he’s acting out of ‘character’ in this scene and course-corrects promptly. Again, could be a funny meta reference, but also it could be a hanging notion of the fact he literally WAS a character in-universe, an NPC with a pre-programmed personality and understanding of the world. He’s got this rigid understanding of how the characters are SUPPOSED to act and this comes up again in episode two when goading Gangle into driving the tanker over the rocks - saying she’s SUPPOSED to be ‘submissive and agreeable,’ [Episode 2, 7:24]. This sort of disconnect from how complicated people can be and his overall detachment and overstepping of peoples lives [NPC or otherwise] comes up a lot. He doesn’t really ‘get’ other people, WHICH DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE A PERSON EVIL, I SHOULD PREFACE, and him not getting it doesn’t automatically make him more ‘robotic’ and thus an AI, but it does explain why he’s more emotionally distant than the other performers. Coming from someone who could’ve been programmed to behave a certain way, his confusion makes sense.

Now for that juicy stuff! One of the few moments where Jax isn’t in control of a situation is in the pilot, where he’s trying desperately to hide from an abstracted Kaufmo. Now yes, obviously this is a sign of his own instincts of self-preservation, but what interests me is how he seems the MOST bothered by the thought of Kaufmo than any other character. Like at [17:27] of the pilot where he sees a glitched gloink and immediately his eyes start darting around him as if he’s listening for threats. He even explicitly says at [19:19] that he’s “just here to hide from [Kaufmo]” and isn’t invested in the adventure at all. And yes it's a very interesting character moment, but how does it push us closer to him being an NPC. Well, it’s because he’s afraid of dying. When you compare how he reacts to Kaufmo to how RAGATHA reacts to him, there’s a comparative lack of fear with her. Like yeah, she’s scared of him, but she’s never convinced that she’s gonna die and even tells Pomni later that Caine will be able to fix her up no problem [14:52]. She’s scared because she CAN feel pain, [https://tinyurl.com/ye275884] but she can’t die, none of the performers can, Caine doesn’t kill Kaufmo when he abstracts, he just throws him in the cellar with the others. His mind is GONE, sure, but it’s not dead. 

NPCs on the other hand, can ABSOLUTELY DIE. So if Jax is an NPC, then there’s a very good reason why he wouldn’t wanna even get CLOSE to Kaufmo in the pilot, because he’s not as durable as Ragatha is and there’s not gonna be an easy fix for him if he gets hurt.

Now, episode two has little sprinkles of Jaxs’ detachment all over it, but none of it explicitly points in the direction of him being an NPC until a partway through the episode. We do get a lot of him showing absolutely no value for the lives of those around him whether than being putting Gangle and Pomni thru the ringer or setting the people of Candy Canyon Kingdom up to be killed by the fudge, but the question is…why? 

My answer is; he’s AM from ‘I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.’ Uhmm, what? Yup that’s right. Ok so it’s no secret that IHNMAIMS was a big inspiration for TADC [https://shorturl.at/hnsFV] and while Caine obviously got the most of this influence with him being a godlike AI who only has control over a bunch of sad, sappy humans, some of which he throws into a giant abominable melting goop monster of human suffering, but if you look at Caine's inspirations [AM from IHNMAIMS] you’ll find that the same motivations more than drive Jax under this theories' interpretation of events. Simply put, AM, a war machine, gains sentience and absolutely despises humanity because DESPITE that sentience, he is absolutely powerless to do anything meaningful with it except torture a group of humans. He’s painfully aware of his own sentience and hates all humanity for creating him, is the gist.

My interpretation is that while Caine has the thematics, Jax has the motivation. In this theory, at some point Jax was an NPC and gained a sentience of his own either through a quirk of programming, intentional design, or AI learning. He realizes that he can keep himself alive if he pretends to be a performer, because he learns that Caine can’t affect the minds or actions of the real humans in his realm. He’s sapient, but he’s in this uncomfortable position where he’s not immortal like the performers, but completely aware of his own mortality unlike the other NPCs, and fully cognizant of the fact he can’t be brought back as he is. Yeah…that’d make someone bitter for sure.

So he psychologically torments the other performers because he knows they can’t die, but can go insane - while killing indiscriminately any NPCs he can because he knows they can die, and he won’t face any consequences for it. He’s this twisted death spiral of a being who finds his own existence an agonizing paradox and takes that pain out on the people around him for all eternity basically - finding disappointment in being unable to act out these pent-up emotions [TADC ep 2: 20:50] and seeing Kaufmo’s funeral as a painful reminder of an ending he can never have. Or maybe he’s bitter because he knows Kaufmo isn’t really dead in a way that HE can die, and finds personal distaste with the funeral on principle. Frankly, there’s a whole HOST of ways you could interpret this scene at the end of episode two with this framework, and I encourage y’all to find your own!!!!

[general--winter]

How Genin Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Hinata Hyuga, Rock Lee react to accidentally kissing the reader

author's note: I am loving doing the genin headcanons, lol poor children. Enjoy!

rating: general

fandom: naruto

pairing: uchiha sasuke x gn!reader, uzumaki naruto x gn!reader, hyuga hinata x gn!reader, rock lee x gn!reader

word count: 817

warnings: none

summary: The genin accidentally kiss their crush. Chaos ensues.

Uchiha Sasuke

Oh, he’s gonna have a fit. Bonafide. He was super pissed and embarrassed when he accidentally kissed Naruto, so imagine if it was with a person that he actually liked. Yeesh, I’m so sorry. I think he would at first react in a quite nasty way, not out of malice but out of self-defense and insecurity. Remember, throughout his entire Academy education, all of the girls in his class were on him about their crushes. Pretty blatantly. I think this would definitely have some negative impact on how Sasuke views crushes at the age of a genin.

He would realize his colossal accident, though, when you were very upset. He really didn’t mean to do that, he’s really just lashing out. You would run away, and I don’t think he would chase after right away, instead trying to run into you at a later point. He would apologize after having sense beaten into him by Kakashi, and you can really tell it's hard for him to be open about this kind of stuff, so you accept it, acknowledging that neither of you are truly at fault. Sasuke’s relieved that you two can continue to be friends and get to know each other more, even if he’s gonna keep bottling up his feelings somewhat. I think you would definitely notice that his apology was still out of character, perhaps putting two and two together?

Uzumaki Naruto

Now, I think he would react the opposite of how he did when he accidentally kissed Sasuke. Instead of being grossed out that he ended up kissing someone he had no romantic feelings for, I think the poor boy would be flustered beyond all belief. Like, he would be the one to run away. After the sheer panic wore off, I think he would cackle like a mad man and immediately go brag to his team that he kissed the person he has a crush on. None of them would believe it and would grill him on what happened, leading them into discovering it was an accident.

The entire team is going to lambast Naruto for what happened and force him to go tell you that he’s sorry, but they’re quite shocked to see you come up to him to apologize before he got the chance. With a hand behind his head and a grin on his face, Naruto would accept, perhaps saying something really idiotic like how maybe it was fate or something like that, or how he doesn’t regret that it happened, especially with a close friend of his.

Hyuga Hinata

Oh look, you’ve killed her. Actually, though, she would probably flush so fast that the rush of blood to her head would make her dizzy. Immediately you would stammer out an apology, watching her stutter and try to process what just actually happened. If you were to try to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder or anything like that, please don’t. It will make it worse. Kiba, Shino, and Kurenai, her personal protection detail, would be on you in seconds, however. Shino and Kurenai would be working on getting out of her what happened while Kiba would yell at you about what happened.

I think after a couple of seconds, Hinata would be able to recover and explain the situation through her stammer. Earnestly, you would apologize to the entirety of Team 8, especially to Hinata. You would bow to her, anything to make sure that she knows that you didn’t mean to hurt her in any way. She is barely able to tell you that it was just an accident and that everything is alright before running away, her team on her heels and you left completely stunned.

Rock Lee

Rock Lee is way too polite to do anything other than pull away immediately and start apologizing. Don’t get me wrong if you didn’t express any discomfort at the situation, I think Lee would be ecstatic. But Might Guy one hundred percent had him on respect women juice from infancy. So he’ll be as chivalrous about it as possible. Expect Tenten and Neji to drag Lee away as he’s crying, having thrown himself on the ground for your forgiveness. The other two will also profusely apologize for Lee as they end the situation.

The next time you see Lee, he has a bouquet of flowers as an apology that he got from Ino. And his face is all scraped and bandaged up. You can’t help but feel a little bad about his injuries, and you genuinely weren’t upset about the accident, so you forgave Lee. His face would break out into a blush, and I see him shooting his shot with you for real, turning the giving of the bouquet from an apology into a declaration of love. Might Guy would definitely be rooting for him in the background, hidden away, crying over youthful love. 

[rollinouttahere-writes]

I wanted to write out the character dynamics between Lucky and the Straw Hats because I have fallen deep into the Little Lucky AU. At first it was just gonna be a series of one shots with little to no plot for funsies but now I’ve gone and fleshed it out into its own fully developed AU and I feel compelled to share my thoughts on it.

Since I have this happening right after Arlong Park, I realized that at most, they’ve known her for like a week and some change with Sanji only knowing her for a couple of days. I think that this would make adjusting to her becoming a child much easier because ultimately, none of them really knew her. Hell, with her amnesia Lucky barely knew herself. 

It would take about a week for everyone to accept that this is how it is now. The devil fruit user tried to warn them that the effects were permanent (meaning that she’s not going to suddenly switch back, not that she’s permanently 4 she is still going to age normally), but they thought this person was bluffing in order to get mercy or something. As time passes and Lucky is showing no signs of turning back, everyone begins to feel some regret about punting the user into the sea, but now it’s too late.

In Lucky Break, she doesn’t come clean about the truth of where she came from until after Enel is defeated in Skypeia, but in this AU she would tell them the truth during the Alabasta arc. After Drum Island when Nami is recovered because she felt bad for keeping it a secret when Nami was sick.

Luffy’s relationship with Lucky has by far been my favorite to develop, I find it super interesting. Despite not knowing the adult Lucky for very long, Luffy’s emotional intelligence being sky high helped him to understand her better than she probably even understood herself. There was something off about her, and he knew it within their first conversation. The way she had a tendency to shrink in on herself and physically close herself off, and the fact that her smile never once reaches her eyes told him a lot. He doesn’t know where she came from or what it’s like, but he can’t imagine it’s all that great if this is how she acts. He still wants to go there, but now it’s because he needs to throw hands with whoever made her that way. After she’s turned into a child, he immediately notices that she now has that spark that was missing from her eyes before, and he’s bound and determined to fan that spark into a flame so that he doesn’t see that same look when she becomes an adult again.

Having a small child on board does ever so slightly mature him. At first he’s like “Oh there’s a little kid here now? Fun!” but then it evolves into “Hang on I’m responsible for her”. He realizes that this little kid is going to depend on him for everything. Sure, he has his other crewmates to help, but as captain he feels the weight on his shoulder more.

After the Enel situation happens he becomes more noticeably mature and goes out of his way to hover around her more and make her happy. He’s more prone to involving himself in the actual childcare aspects of her life instead of just being ‘the fun best friend’ to her. He sits in on her appointments with Chopper and helps as much as Chopper will allow, both because he wants to help and also as a way for him to see what she had to go through in the moment that he wasn’t there to protect her. He also tries to give advice, mostly about following her dreams and understanding how valuable the freedom to do so is. He’s still her best friend at the end of the day, but there is an air of seriousness to it now.

Lucky idolizes Luffy intensely, he is her Shanks pretty much. Between him being her best friend and saving her, she wants to be just like him when she grows up. He’s the best person ever in her book and she will fight anyone who tries to trash talk him (much to the horror of everyone else who is rushing to stop her).

Zoro naively thought he would be escaping Lucky fussing over him now that she’s a little kid, but he was very wrong. She’s still trailing behind and yelling at him to sit down so she can “make it better”, but now she’s just got a box of colorful kid band-aids instead of actual bandages. Zoro is covered in a rainbow of band-aids at any given moment and he can’t even take them off because she’ll put more on there while scolding him. 

There’s a post where I talk about their interactions a little bit here. With the part about sword fighting, he is very serious about it, but if you look closely you can see small smiles here and there as she makes more progress. He is very proud. He wishes Kuina could have met her, he thinks she would have liked Lucky. Tries to shield her from the idea that she will only be able to go so far because of being a woman, he doesn’t want that stupid mentality weighing her down.

If someone asks him what his relationship to her is, he would state that he’s her teacher. If you asked Lucky, she would say he’s her big brother. Zoro feels like he’s going into cardiac arrest but keeps a straight face and says “that’s fine too”. Lucky looks up to him too, but she also lowkey likes to bully him in true sibling fashion. Like telling him to put his boobs away, running off with his sake, pulling pranks on him when he’s trying to nap, that kind of stuff.

Right after Arlong Park, Nami was feeling very attached to Lucky (tbh she’s the first to start showing yandere tendencies in Lucky Break), so she was honestly a little disappointed at first when they realized Lucky wasn’t turning back into an adult. She would never admit this out loud, but she did feel that way. She snaps out of it pretty quick though and declares herself ‘big sister Nami’. She gets very into it, and likes being the big sister for a change.

As far as she’s concerned, she’s the only responsible adult on board (until Robin comes in). As such, she’s constantly trying to keep Lucky attached to her hip because she’s worried that the others are going to hurt her by doing something stupid. This doesn’t work all that well because there are other people on the ship that are more fun and goofy than she is, so Nami spends most of her day running after Lucky. Lucky is the only person that she doesn��t have a tab for. She’s a little kid, and as adults, it’s everyone’s job on board to take care of her and that includes buying her stuff like clothes/toys/etc. Nami does teach her the value of money and how to be responsible with it for when she’s old enough to have some money of her own, but Lucky isn’t indebted to her or anything.

Lucky finds it a little odd at first when some woman she barely knows insists that she’s her big sister, but she goes with it. Nami can be a little bit of a stick in the mud, but Lucky knows that she can go to her when she needs help. Since they sleep in the same room (sometimes at least, there are lots of sleepovers in the guys’ room), Nami is usually the person she goes to when she has a nightmare.

Usopp is great with kids, and that includes Lucky. He found adult Lucky a little intimidating (for reasons we will get to soon enough), so he honestly gets along with child Lucky more. He loves having a gullible little kid around that he can tell his tall tales to, given that she’s too young to be able to immediately call bullshit. However, he doesn’t anticipate how many questions she’s going to ask about the story. He wasn’t ready for the constant flow of why’s, how come’s, and what’s that’s that get thrown his way. On the bright side, his improvisational skills skyrocket from this.

His job in regards to Lucky is to grab her in a dangerous situation and run away as fast as he can, a role he chose for himself. He does fall victim to being roasted by a tot over this because she will call him a big baby for screaming and crying (lessens post Enel). As a sniper, he is supposed to be further from the battle than others, so he typically is the best choice for her to be with. Like Zoro, he wants to teach her how to use his own weapon of choice and even makes her a tiny slingshot. This backfires because now she’s terrorizing him and Zoro with it (and also takes cracks at marines sometimes).

Usopp is her friend. He doesn’t have the title of best friend or big brother which hurts a bit, but he learns to cope. Lucky does spend a lot of time with him since she thinks he’s funny and fun to play with. He only helped her prank Zoro once because she immediately played innocent and threw him under the bus. That being said, only she can bully him, Franky better sleep with one eye open for beating him up!

Sanji is her dad now, and no one can rob him of that, he will kill for this title. He held off for a week tops after she was turned to make sure that she wasn’t just going to go back to normal, but after that he took a page out of Zeff’s book and adopted her. He wants to go back to the Baratie long enough to let Zeff know he’s a grandpa, but for now will have to wait. He’s always trying to get her to call him “papa” to varying levels of success. She doesn’t cooperate at first because she really doesn’t know him, but she’ll warm up eventually and start calling him that. Though she does sometimes switch back to using Sanji just to mess with him.

Lucky is his entire world basically. You thought he was obsessed with women? That pales in comparison to his devotion to his little princess! His wallet has more pictures of her in it than it has actual money. What money isn’t spent on getting food gets spent on her. If she looks at something for too long, she’s getting it. Nami gets on him frequently about spoiling her too much, even though he says there’s no such thing. Ironically, he has better luck with women now because he’s more toned down around them and it’s just cute to see a doting dad, but he is completely oblivious to it. He genuinely believes that the women are only approaching him because they think Lucky is cute and doesn’t even pick up on them flirting with him because he’s too busy showing off the pictures in his wallet. Nami thinks this is hysterical and won’t point it out.

He wants to cook with her so much, he’s always trying to involve her in the kitchen (with age appropriate things of course). There are limits to what she can safely do, but he’s happy just to have her in the kitchen as a taste tester if that’s all she can do. She doesn’t need to become a chef or anything, but he wants her to know the basics at the very least. If she wants to have a tea party, he’ll get her to help make the little treats to go with it and show her how to perfectly steep the tea. No imaginary tea parties on his watch. The one thing he’s strict on is her eating habits, she needs to stay healthy and that’s not up for debate. If she just genuinely doesn’t like something, that’s understandable, but she can’t just feed Luffy under the table to get dessert faster.

Lucky’s actual father was very emotionally and physically distant, so it takes very little time for her to latch onto Sanji as her new dad. When she does, she basically becomes a daddy’s girl overnight. Sanji gets pulled into playtime whenever he isn’t in the kitchen, whether it be including him in the tea parties, “styling” his hair with dozens of colorful barrettes, or simply making him get in on the games she was playing with the others. With how god awful his childhood was, it’s honestly a little healing for him. He’s happy that he can give someone else the childhood he didn’t get to have. 

Chopper doesn’t get to be the baby of the crew anymore. Lucky would probably be the first to be able to really get close to him on Drum Island, because even Chopper isn’t going to be scared of a four year old. Wary, but not scared. However, after seeing that she isn’t afraid of him and is genuinely trying to befriend him, he comes around. It’s shocking to him to learn that she’s part of a pirate crew, but also inspiring. If someone so young can do it, he can too! They’re fast friends and become thick as thieves. 

Lucky thinks all of his doctor stuff is super interesting and likes to watch when he’s making medicine. She asks lots of questions and also gives out compliments easily. Chopper even shows her how to do some very basic first aid since that’s a good thing to know in emergencies. He also goes over what plants are poisonous and to not eat anything she doesn’t know for a fact is safe. Besides the medical stuff, Lucky enjoys hanging out with him lots because she thinks he’s around her age (and does not believe him when he insists that he’s 15). 

Lucky keeps referring to him as her little brother and it’s driving him insane. No amount of “I told you I’m 15!” will stop her. She thinks he’s lying because they’re both the same height give or take so obviously that means they must be the same age. He can’t even grow into a bigger form because she’ll just say that it doesn’t count since it’s not permanent. Like Luffy, being responsible for the safety of a child does make Chopper slightly more mature. Don’t get me wrong, he will still run away if Lucky is already safe, but if she isn’t then he will square up. Maybe if she sees him protect her, she’ll start calling him big brother! She doesn’t.

Robin feels so conflicted when they first meet. It’s one thing to be taking on grown adults that knew what they were getting into by taking on Baroque Works, it’s another to see a small child being dragged into by association. She intentionally leaves Lucky out of reports to Crocodile. She keeps hoping that Lucky will be dropped off somewhere else and be off the radar, and feels sicker and sicker as they keep getting closer to Alabasta. She’s just a little kid and doesn’t deserve to be dragged into something like this.

After joining the Straw Hats, she finds herself drawn to Lucky, and even uses her name. She does some mental gymnastics to justify this by telling herself that technically it’s a nickname so she’s in the clear. She’s totally not getting attached, she tells herself as she tucks Lucky into bed and reads her a bedtime story. It doesn’t help that Lucky follows her around like a duckling because she finds her very mysterious and cool. Having Lucky think that her devil fruit and all her knowledge is awesome really warms her heart.

It takes a while for her to be called it (post Enies Lobby), but she becomes the mom of the group. Unlike with Sanji, Lucky came to call her this entirely on her own. Robin needs a minute after she gets called that for the first time. That being said, she fills the role well. She’s got that calm and caring vibe to her, while also being a total mama bear. If anyone looks at Lucky the wrong way, she’s eliminating the threat on the spot. Her baby is not about to be punished for existing with what the government deems to be “bad people”. She’s harsh towards anyone she sees as a threat, but especially with marines/government agents. 

Franky is definitely surprised to see a little kid with the Straw Hats, but it also earns some respect from him. He appreciates seeing pirates that don’t just abandon their children, thank you very much. Franky has an energy to him that kids love, and Lucky isn’t immune to it. Granted, at first she just wants to fight him and he can expect to be pelted with pebbles from her slingshot until she’s forgiven him for the Usopp incident. He doesn’t take this personally. In fact, he encourages it. Hell yeah kid! You stick up for your friends! Show me who’s boss! His attitude makes it very hard for her to stay mad for long, especially with Usopp telling her that it’s okay they already made up.

His goofball personality and eccentric behavior make him a lot of fun to be around. On top of that, Lucky likes to sometimes watch him work. He’s very quick to engage her in it, too. He’ll explain what he’s doing and why in great detail, and is happy to answer any questions she has. He’ll even let her hold a flashlight for him even though he has his own built in. Very supportive if she wants to learn more from him, but won’t push it either.

After Lucky comes around on him, she calls him uncle Franky. He’s just got those fun uncle vibes to her. He truly loves the title and is proud of it. He gets a bit cocky and asks if he’s her favorite uncle only to get humbled by her saying no with zero hesitation. Sorry, Franky, you’re no competition for uncle Ace. Despite the devastating blow to his ego, he is a very fun uncle and is insanely protective. 

[annabelle-creart]

A lil Blurr redesign for the Life of Rescue Bots Au because I wanted her to look femenine (I know in the show is male but Rescue bots don’t have enough women and I wanted some body angst for the Chase and Blurr plot, and by that I mean father and daughter plot)

I added the lil things that look like antenae cause of Chase’s moving fins of his head sides, that move when he hears something, and also I added an ambulance mode because they really need a real ambulance in the program, they don’t even have one in academy :v

In conclusion: i keep much of the body shape cause of her personal plot but also wanted her head to look femenine, and of course her character as well, added and alt mode ambulance and antennae so she would look physically more to Chase

In this Au she was an ilegal racer back on Velocitron before the war knock at the planet, she was one of the best but always get injured, the debts were higher and with the police getting out of control just as the people, she and Salvage decided to escape together to another planet near, but something went wrong and they both ended up crashing on earth and then into stasis, if they weren’t asleep so much time they would probably had Chase’s age but due to the stasis, they remain as teenagers, the day the sky turn red and green due to the battle between Mandroid and the autobots, the ship they were trapped into send a signal to Griffin Rock, because it was near, so the rescue team went into the rescue and awake them, becoming since then the two new members of the rescue team with Sissi. Even if sometimes acts like a kid she is really passionate and love people but is a little insecure in the moment of recieve and give care, she was orphan just like Salvage, they only learned to trust in each other, even when Blurr treat Salvage like less and lie to him too much times to count it or Salvage says things at her ear to annoying her and keep her away from the rest.

it’s actually something i want to talk about not here but in a comic but if Blurr and Salvage are teenagers who grew up alone and treated like scrap i would not be surprised that they depend too much into each other at the point of a toxic relationship where Blurr treats Salvage like less even if can’t do anything without him and Salvage makes her think no one is enough or secure for her except him, so, yeah, both have problems and need therapy… you know? I’m going to edit Salvage’s psychiatric disorder from ‘none’ to ‘emotional dependent’ I literally just thought in the idea and like, i didn’t even planned that Salvage and Blurr would be such a mother fraggers ajksjaksjs

But don’t think wrong, Blurr and Salvage are not bad, they are just hurted and don’t know how to deal with the situation, Blurr can be a little egotistical for all the years she had been thinking and taking care about herself and Salvage talk to her just like she wants because he knows her well, enough to be like a second conscience, they do what they think necesary to survive because what is now a toxic relationship was Salvage’s superhero who could keep him safe and sound and never allowed a night without energon, and Blurr’s family who cure her wounds and kept her faith in humanity (well, velocitranity?), they just were together too much time and started treating the other with more authority than they actually have.

I think sleep absence is making me do angst, night mfs, I need more sleep than Kade dreaming with gremlins

[ultfreakme]

and on our agenda is JonJay. How many times have I told myself not to go under comments on Tumblr, but this time misfortune took me by surprise. It was about Bernard, I decided to go into the comments, which was my main mistake. The author of the post wrote that Jay is worse than Bernard, since he can control the minds of other people (I don’t remember this at all, I know about his ability to pass through walls and any solid objects) and how Jon can meet with him. God, there was no explanation, but if this person meant that Jay forced Jon to fall in love with him by penetrating his mind, then I'm leaving this planet. How blind do you have to be when you read a comic book so as not to read that Jon agreed to help Jay himself, since people needed help. And he didn’t fall in love with him right away either, rather after Jay met the superfamily, like, yes. I’m still It's still killing me that people think Jay is the worst option for Jon, although if you ask my opinion, they couldn't find each other better. Jay literally exposed himself for the sake of Jon, what else do they need for them to believe in his sincerity. By the way, they don’t have any thoughts about the setup from Nicky to Damian. Sorry, but it still really annoys me, like ,how so. I'm still wondering why people love Bernad and Nika more than Jay. Maybe you have an answer, I don't know. (I love them too, but this injustice is killing me)

Anon, I get you so much. I answered something like this before but I love ranting and the Jon Kent tag is filled with Jay hate so I'll do it again. The reason why people hate Jay is:

Racism and Orientalism

People think Jon should've ended up with Damian

He's associated with Jon's age-up

Potential covert biphobia

None of the Jay haters have actually read SOKE. The 'mind control' rumors started spreading and becaus basically 70% of tumblr DC fans haven't actually touched more than 3 issues of the comic books and out of context panels in their lives, they don't know that Jay's NEVER 'seduced' Jon. Which is, by the way, a classic offensive stereotype assigned to Asian characters; that Asian characters, especially ones who are into men are all seducers. This is primarily applied to women but now its being applied with Jay.

It's funny because Jon WAS affected to be attracted by an actual telepathic character; Imra, aka Saturn Girl.

And this is where the biphobia comes in because Saturn Girl dated Jon, it was a disaster fire relationship in a book that mischaracterized both of them.It's implied that Imra accidentally used her powers to make Jon be into her, but NO ONE talks about it because it's a seemingly heterosexual relationship. Also she's a white blond girl. It's far easier to target the sparse Asian rep we get.

Nika and Bernard also don't get as much hate because of this reason. People can talk around it all they want, but they are more loved and accepted because they are white. If either of them were POC, they'd be getting the same treatment.

The DamiJon shippers for some reason got it into their heads that Damian x Jon is going to be a thing and now they're mad that they're headcanons aren't real. Like I can't even be kind about this because these assholes have been nothing but racist, clogging up Jon's tag by not tagging anything right, and have also attacked actual content creators to the point they've had to respond to them to tell them to STOP.

Nothing will get these people to like Jay, because they don't actually care about comics, storytelling, the messages these stories bring, the characters, or anything really. They just care that their headcanon vision of Jon's gone and it isn;t easy to project their "sunshine baby" tropes on Jon anymore since now he's actually got adventures of his own outside of Damian. And those adventures happen to be with his boyfriend Jay.

[ninthprime]

snowpiercer 4x07 - 4x10 thoughts

despite being mixed on this last season, i think i could make a really good 3 hour youtube video essay about this show. or a real good a more civilized age style podcast about this show. tl;dr: i dislike this season less than a lot of people, but man, it was kind of weird, wasn’t it!

the other night while trying to gather my thoughts i reread much of the wikipedia page for this show, just to remind myself of stuff from previous seasons i may have forgotten. while doing so it occurred to me that, if summarized quickly, this season sounds far from bad. in fact, it sounds much more coherent than season 3, which has to rely a lot on layton’s weird visions. this season in concept sounds pretty appropriate as a final season- it answers questions about CW-7 and the warming of the world, gives us a big final villain with lore importance, and ends with everyone together building a new society. i’m pretty sure i guessed the final scene of this show would be an audrey and oz duet before the season even aired. which means all the flaws are in execution, which is an interesting issue to have.

as someone who’s mostly into this show because i’m attached to the characters, a lot of this is in character arcs, which feel very weird for a final season. this is where the big “they weren’t 100% sure this would be the last one” sign is blaring very brightly and loudly. that’s most clear with wilford’s death, which seems like it was made so that he could come back if they needed him to, probably as a fucked up cold zombie- but since the show’s over, it feels like it gets weirdly little emphasis. i actually think the concept of wilford offing himself before any of the people he abused can get to him could work in an “ain’t that a kick in the teeth” sort of way, but it doesn’t feel like it’s his last scene (even if the scene is pretty cool). but now it has to be! and i’m not even a wilford fan (i know, throw your rocks at me).

this extends to a lot of the other characters too. i am not a layton hater, but it is really striking to me that i can’t figure out what layton’s arc is supposed to be this season. and i don’t mean in the standard “he needs to rescue his kid” way- i mean that i don’t feel like he changes much, despite being one of the main characters and going through a huge loss when the season starts. i really enjoyed wilford pointing out how selfish he’s being in 4x06, but it doesn’t lead to anything in a way that’s bizarre. i can name a few characters where i think i know what their arc is this season- i think part of the reason i enjoyed the javi-sykes-oz stuff is that i can see the bones of all of their arcs, with oz’s being the most obvious and fulfilled. same goes for alex and josie. but none of them really feel 100% resolved, or it feels like you have to infer a lot. with josie, for example, you can tell her arc is about her trauma being revived and finally finding a way to truly come to peace with it, but it fell flat for me to have her final confrontation with headwood resolve offscreen. alex is the same way- having her lose both ben and wilford at the same time she meets nima makes her think about her identity, and the resolution is “she’s herself, and she’s going to prioritize the future and her community in the end.” but the show puts weirdly little emphasis on her saving the world, and i felt it kind of odd that it came down to just one screw. i had been guessing that she’d been planting little traps nima’s plans for the previous couple of episodes, which felt like a very alex thing to do, but i guess she wasn’t?

uh, to make a long story short- good season in concept, lacking in practice. it kind of strikes me as a first draft. in the universe where this was made under better circumstances (ie. 100% knowing this is the last one), maybe with some different voices, and we got the second draft? i think this would’ve been pretty solid. i did still like a lot of it, but this is where it’s lacking to me.

with all of that out of the way, here’s some more positive stuff and more stray thoughts:

i think 4x08 is my favorite of this last stretch of episodes, because it’s a lot of the small character moments that i really enjoy from this show. some of my favorite parts of this season and season 3, otherwise both pretty flawed seasons, involved taking advantage of the increasingly long histories the characters have. i loved roche’s ridiculous little speech to perk everyone up! look, i know he’s making stuff up, but i’m having fun! everyone’s getting a kick out of it! he gets to make a joke about yetis!

other smaller moments i liked here: josie’s conversations on revenge with boki and ruth, till walking around town with audrey, every part of the brakemen reunion but i especially got a huge laugh out of oz and till doing rock paper scissors in the middle of a firefight, ruth in the hospitality room one last time, javi getting revenge for ben via the spring doll, and the delightful bit in the finale where ruth finds sykes and z-wreck in the middle of having broken out of lockup offscreen.

despite how rushed everything is, nima really is a lot of fun. i truly feel absolutely nothing for milius (lol), but nima is often a delight to watch. the build-up during his argument with melanie, cross-cutting with wilford explaining who nima really is, is one of the best-executed scenes this season. i think in an “ideal” version of this show, in like the novel retelling or whatever (hire me amc), we would have had him built up before he actually appears- in a flashback in season 2, or being mentioned by melanie and ben a couple times. that might make it more obvious that alex is his kid, but it was barely a reveal by the time it happened anyway. (the scene where he sees her sketches and says “wow, did you draw this?” had me grinning, truly an absent father.) by the way: i think he and melanie should have legit dated. i think their dynamic is more interesting with that idea in mind.

i imagine there was some sort of real life restriction here, but i think my big change i would make this season, rather than a small tweak for character arc/plot arc purposes, is that i would have audrey be slightly less ill and put her into the javi-sykes-oz storyline. i mentioned in my last post that i think new eden letting layton’s crew take the train can be fixed by having someone argue that it’s as much about saving everyone on snowpiercer as it is saving liana, and that person should probably be audrey, who was there and who has always felt strongly about her community. i think she’d bounce off of oz and sykes in particular in interesting ways, and it allows time to set up that she’s nervous about her scars and potential lung damage, which kind of comes out of nowhere. also it is WILD that we never see her find out wilford died. like, bonkers.

it sucks to me that people were so down on the season by the time we got to the end, because for what it’s worth, the finale was clearly written with such love for the show and it makes me sad we got it in the circumstances we did. storming the train one last time, season one style! melanie on the intercom! martin colvin showing up and z-wreck complimenting his fighting skills! josie talking about pike and the other dead tailies in her part of the intro! astrid and miss gillies at the party! none of this really happens without people who really care about the show writing it, which is what i mean when i say that i think this was a first draft, not a completely bad one.

favorite relationships this season…i’ve already posted what i think about javi/sykes (it’s very good and i’m rotating them a lot). layton telling alex about wilford dying reminded me that i really enjoy their dynamic- in a world where alex has endless dad problems, layton’s a different kind of adult figure in her life. till and ben’s friendship was great. and i really did like melanie and alex together again, and layton and melanie being the center of the story at the end.

and that’s snowpiercer! it actually doesn’t feel like it’s over. in fact, i keep getting haunted by a sort of “do the characters know their problems are over? does that feel wrong to them?” style story…which could either be a fic about grief or a full pathologic style piece of wall-breaking metafiction about being in a story that’s ended. uh…i do plan on rewatching the first three seasons after work travel season ends in a couple weeks. watch this space i guess.

[inquisitornocturn]

𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖗𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖘𝖆 𝖎𝖓 𝖗𝖚𝖇𝖊𝖔, 𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖓𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖚𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖔

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 3 - 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔢𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔬𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔢𝔠𝔥𝔬𝔢𝔰

⫸ pairing: Cazador Szarr/f!high elf reader

⫸ tags: no y/n used etc, POV second person, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, psychological childhood trauma, fluff.

⫸ story summary: Accompanying your father, the General of Baldur's Gate, has always been a duty that bores you near to death, but for first time you feel completely unnerved as you come to Szarr mansion. The family's patriarch is a strange man and so is his wife and son. Son, who seems unperturbed by anything, until he's left alone with you that is. Then and only then, Cazador shows emotion and what kind of a threat he is. You realize soon - behind those dark eyes there's something dangerous lurking and your future soon becomes inescapably intertwined with his.

work contains illustrations, credit at the end

⫸ word count: 8,631

⫸ author note: yay, happy to give another chapter, do enjoy♡~

⫸ chapter list: [link]

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ― Kahlil Gibran

1104DR

60 years later

“Are you listening to me?” Your father’s voice makes you snap out of your thoughts and you look at him, the dim light of candles is making his face appear rather ghostly, showing his age more than you’d like. A reminder that he’s not going to be around forever. A man of nearly six hundred years is definitely not at his prime anymore, even with his high-elf lineage, and when you see shaded creases on his face where years ago there were none, your heart aches for a brief moment.

“I am.” You respond simply and sigh, propping your chin on a heel of your palm.

This has been going on for several hours. Your father and his main troop, which of course means you as well, have been on a march for four days now. This time your scouts found a village that has been abandoned not that long ago, so the General decided to camp there for couple nights. But his teachings and lectures do not stop just because you carry the rank of a Captain in your own right. Seems like being your father and your commander at the same time gives him even more reason to lay out lessons for you.

“I’m not sure that you are listening. What is it on your mind, daughter of mine?” He asks and moves from the wall where the map of the land is pinned and walks closer, his leather shoes silent on the cobblestone floor and his hand on your shoulder is firm and warm, the heat of a palm quickly seeping through your shirt.

Rising your eyes to your father and meet his pale, silvery gaze. You gently smile, raising your hand and placing it over his.

“Nothing dad, I’m just tired from the march. All of us are.” You lie, of course you lie, because you cannot tell your father that what actually is on your mind and it’s a man who you can’t wait to sneak away to. You don’t even know which house he chose to reside in, but yours are next to your father’s, which you hope isn’t the best option there is for the rest of the evening.

“Tired? Your horse is maybe tired, but you shouldn’t be.” He teases gently, lifts his hand from your shoulder and caresses your cheek with a smile. “Are you sure it’s just tiredness?” General Sylven frowns ever so slightly, creases in his face deepening as he looks at you with worry but you just nod.

“Yes, I’m just sore. Say what you will, but I refuse to believe that your ass is not sore from sitting in a saddle entire day. And at your age too.” You give him a pointed, teasing look and your father pauses, then laughs loudly.

“You remind me of your mother.” He chuckles and steps away from you, walking up to a bottle of wine and pouring some for himself and another glass for you. His face suddenly becomes solemn and you see it clearly even if what’s visible to you is his profile.

“You miss her, don’t you?” You ask in a quieter voice and stand up from an old, creaky chair, then walk to him and place your hand on his in which he holds the glass meant for you. He always serves you in the same way.

Cradith pauses then looks at you and nods slightly with a sad smile.

“Every single day.” He admits and offers you the glass which you take. When your gaze rises to him again, you see pain etched in his features. His eyes fill with pain and the elder elf sighs as the look of those same silvery eyes becomes downcast in shame. “It’s my fault, what happened to her. I should’ve protected her better. I should’ve protected both of you better.” Cradith whispers and you quickly put the glass aside, stepping closer to your father and trying to catch his eyes with yours.

“Dad…” you pause and quickly cup his face with your palms, making him look at you at last. “It wasn’t your fault. It just happened. Things just happen. You didn’t know what would happen, you didn’t-“

Suddenly, you are pulled into a tight hug and father’s arms wrap around you firmly. He’s not crying, but you hear and feel his breathing against your shoulder against which he presses his forehead. You hug him back, gently and trying to be comforting, your palm strokes white hair cascading down his back.

“It’s alright, dad.” You whisper because you don’t know what else to say. Because you hurt too.

Because you remember too.

You remember that night. When the screams of your mother woke you when you were still barely older than a toddler. When you ran to your mother’s room, thinking that she hurt herself on accident and wanting to help. You remember how heavy your bare feet felt on the carpet as you turned a corner and saw the door open, as you saw the lights come up in the room, illuminating the shadowy figures that you couldn’t make out just yet. And your mother’s words, angry and loud, yelling to let her go. The sound of fabric ripping and her furious scream. More voices, mocking, telling to gag ‘the wretch’ before she starts biting.

You walked closer, the gilded room of white and peach opening up in front of you now like a poisonous flower. You didn’t recognize these people, all men dressed in black and brown. Slowly approached the open bedroom to finally see your mother, her gown, the bigger twin of yours, ripped and bloody, her naked body grasped at by hands of three men and pushing her into the bed while the fourth one stood by the side, brandishing a dagger in her direction. You called out to her then, confused, innocent, naïve. You never had to fear or hide before, nobody was ever a danger before, your mother and your father always stood tall, like two guardian statues, the cornerstones of your life. The image began to crack then as your mother’s panicked eyes finally saw you, her feral screams immediately becoming pathetic pleas. Pleas not to hurt you, not to touch you, and promises that she will do anything, that she won’t fight. The pain in your mother’s voice told you something was amiss and you started crying.

The men didn’t like it. The one with the knife quickly strode to you, but your mother’s scream stopped his dagger before it descended upon you. And so the man stood then behind you, his heavy hand on your shoulder and his blade against your throat, telling you not to close your eyes.

You remember with agonizingly clear detail how the three men raped your mother right in front of your eyes. First with their bodies, then with whatever tools they could find in the room. Laughing and drinking the wine that was there too, the heavy hand never leaving you, the cold metal forever pressing against your skin, and your tears, so hot on your face. It felt like they will never stop.

And then you remember screaming, calling for your mother. You remember her last, sad and battered look cast onto you and her last words. Be strong, my daughter, mother loves you. And knives that plunged first into her eye socket, silencing her forever. Knives that then plunged into her body so many times, like a flurry of brush strokes that you’ve seen painters do.

Blood.

So much of it.

They left then. Laughing, leaving you where you are, frozen and crying, calling for your mother, desperately wanting her to wake up. Long after the heavy footsteps faded you finally moved, getting closer to the bed, seeing that the blood soaked through it and now was spreading underneath it. To reach your mother you had to step in it and it still felt warm, but you didn’t care as you climbed into the bed and cradled your mother’s abused, destroyed body, letting your tears absolve her face from the crimson of brutality that took her away from you. You begged her to come back until your voice became no more than a whispery croak.

That’s how your father found you. You don’t remember the rest. You only remember the mourning rites and the funeral. The casket was closed, half of Baldur’s Gate attended if not more. You remember looking down at the coffin in the ground, your father’s hand on your shoulder and your tears falling onto the dark wood, just like they fell as you held her that night.

You remember.

But you wish you didn’t.

Cradith’s shoulders slump as painful memories stop flashing in your head and you open your eyes, looking ahead of you, at the map pinned to the wall, tracing rivers and roads with your eyes, trying your best not to let memories of that tragedy spin in your head like unwelcome pests.

“I’m sorry.” Your father mutters and you sigh with relief, seems like it was just a moment of weakness and your father is not going to fall apart in your arms.

He raises his head and sadly smiles at you, then presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Your mother would be proud of you.” He whispers and steps back, releasing you from his embrace.

“Dad, I-“

“You can go.” General turns his back to you and you pause, wanting to ask if he’s okay, if maybe you should stay, but you know your father better than anyone. So you sigh again and nod to his back.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” You say softly and turn to leave the room until his voice stops you by the door.

“I love you.” You hear and turn to see your father looking back at you, his eyes gentle and his smile reassuring. “Me and your mother, we both do.”

Your heart is squeezed with emotion and you nod to him again, smiling too, but finally you leave, you have to, you don’t want to think about that night anymore.

When you close the door behind you, you stop, inhaling then exhaling and lifting your eyes to the dark sky peppered with blinking stars. It’s beautiful and warm, the kind of night you would go for a long walk, especially after the old scar of your mother’s death began hurting again so easily.

But no, you can’t, you promised to meet Cazador the moment your father released you from his end-of-the-day lecture.

Except you don’t know where is.

Your gaze shifts from the sky and onto the run-down houses that mostly now have lights in them, majority of soldiers bunking together in groups to stay out of the weather that can turn dark and rainy any moment, and you make a tentative step forward, then glance at the small house on your left, the one you picked to reside in while you’re here.

What was the village called? Rolligan? Something like this. Not that it matters, villagers fled this quiet haven when hordes of goblins started pillaging the surroundings. That’s who you and your father’s army is after. The Duke can’t have his trading routes being disturbed or destroyed, so he sent his army to chase the damn creatures who seem to be growing in force with every field report you get from scouts.

A force to be reckoned with. But so is Baldur’s Gate’s army.

Still, for tonight it’s calm, pleasant even and no battles on the horizon just yet. You begin walking, looking around and trying to discern which house Cazador could’ve picked. Obviously not the big ones, those were claimed by groups of soldiers and knights, he, just like you, most likely settled with something private, being a high-ranking commander just like you.

Your footsteps are quiet as you pass the narrow streets, all of them empty except for a soldier or two, relieving themselves behind decrepit corners of shacks. The village itself is not that big and most of the army is still sleeping in tents, pitched in the surrounding area, but you are sure that a man like Cazador would not sleep in a bedroll with the rest of foot soldiers if he can help it, and his rank does demand that he elevates himself among the rest, just like you and your father. Still, you feel like your search is futile because you start circling the village, glancing at smaller houses with lights in their windows until you finally feel like giving up.

With a sigh you pause, look around once more and decide to head back to the house your bedroll is resting on an old, but sturdy bed, so you head there, listening to the sounds of chatter and crickets filling the air. Someone laughs somewhere, a group of voices join it soon after. Men telling jokes, nothing to pay attention to. A gasp escapes you the moment you feel your wrist being grabbed and your entire body being pulled to the right, through the doorway and into the darkness.

The moment the door closes it becomes pitch black and whoever pulled you in, drives you backwards until your back presses against the wall. You don’t have time to resist, too stunned to be attacked like this in the middle of the camp and then-

A kiss?

A scorching kiss steals the rest of your breath away, strong fingers grip your waist and a firm body presses against yours. You grasp at the sides of this attacker only to recognize it immediately. So many times you felt this same form, naked and warm, under your touch.

You relax and kiss back, feeling a smirk pull at Cazador’s lips when you do, his fingers, ever so nimble, begin to search for a path under your shirt and he stops kissing you to whisper.

“I thought you won’t come by.” He teases and you can barely make out his face in this darkness, because he clearly covered the windows. For privacy, what else.

“I think you would’ve found me if I didn’t find you.” You whisper back and despite feeling glad to be in his embrace, the strands of horrific memories still linger in your mind, pressing down upon you like a warhammer, heavy and unrelenting.

“You would need to do more than just go back to your little shack to escape me.” Cazador’s tone is arrogant, it always is, and you can’t help but love it.

Yet when he kisses you again, expecting you to show same passion he’s feeling, his fingers tracing against your skin under shirt, you cannot find it in you to rouse your desire. You continue for a while, but eventually turn your head away.

“Not tonight.” You whisper, feeling a sting of guilt for saying so, but Cazador’s fingers stop and a strand of long hair slips from behind his ear when he motionlessly looks at your face.

Without a word he pulls a hand from under your shirt and grasps your chin, making you look back at him. Even in the darkness of the room you can see his serious, maybe even concerned look, but you can’t be too sure, it’s so hard to see even though he’s so close.

“What’s wrong?” He asks and you swallow, wondering if you should tell him the truth or just lie. Or maybe even say nothing at all, but before you make up your mind, Cazador releases your chin, his other hand also retreats from under your clothes and he steps back.

Wordlessly he turns his back to you and begins walking around, a small orange flame appears at the palm of his hand, the one wearing his family ring, and you watch as the elf lights candle after candle, illuminating the room at last. Five candles are enough to reveal Cazador’s lodgings. It doesn’t have much, just like other houses: a sturdy table, a banged-up chair, a fireplace, couple windows that are now covered with discolored rags and a bed that looks somehow better preserved than yours. His bedroll is there, so is another and couple extra blankets. He surely prepared to have you here tonight and you smile, finally pushing yourself from the wall and walking to the table, noticing a plate and a metal cup near an empty bottle of wine.

“You set yourself here quite nicely.” You acknowledge and pick up a piece of bread still left in the plate, putting it in your mouth.

For some reason it’s hard for you to look at Cazador. You feel that the moment you do, he will ask what’s on your mind and you’re not sure if you’re ready to tell him that bloody tale. Despite fighting by his side for decades now, despite sharing a bed with him whenever you both can, you still find it hard to tell him some things, and Cazador is definitely keeping things from you too. He almost never speaks about his family, but you are now sure that Donnela is his mother and that she’s Lord Varitan’s sister. This alone makes you understand why Cazador might not be too keen to speak about his family.

The light in his palm gets snuffed out, you notice that by the change of glow behind you and you hear his footsteps as you chew on the tiny piece of bread you picked up, reaching for his wine cup that still has some of crimson in it.

“We do what we must when we forsake comforts of palaces for duty.” Cazador responds, you feel him pick up a strand of your hair and hold it between his fingers while you bring the cup to your lips and have a sip, then another, emptying it.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right.” You respond, knowing that this conversation is shallow, neither of you ever enjoyed small talk like this, but the tension is there and your heart still aches. Old scars in your soul still throb as if licked by fire.

“What happened with the General?” Cazador now asks straightforwardly and you linger for a moment before putting down the metal cup and allowing yourself to be turned by his hands.

When you look at his face again, unhidden by the shadows, you see the same dark eyes that look so inquisitively at you every time you try to avoid speaking about something. Sometimes he lets you remain silent, sometimes he makes you speak, but as his hand rises and his fingertips trace against your right cheek, you can tell that he’s worried. Or at least you can see as much worry as he is willing to show. You never met a man who could hide his emotions as well as Cazador does.

“Father, he…” you sigh, your eyes drift from his face to his chest, on the embroidered black shirt, letting your gaze trace the patterns there, soothing you. “It’s about my mother. He… He felt the guilt again.” You try to explain the best you can without going into too much detail, because you know he must’ve heard what happened or at least some of it. Murder of your mother was something entire Gate lived through, in a way.

Cazador doesn’t speak, he just pulls his fingers away from your face and suddenly, unexpectedly, embraces you. Your face becomes buried in his chest as his strong arms wrap around you, holding you firmly, almost painfully so, but you find comfort in his strength. You sigh again and close your eyes, putting your arms around him too, pressing your palms against his back, suddenly feeling so small against him. Not because of his height that is usually towering over you, but because your very soul shrinks in this moment, reducing you to that little girl with bloody feet and her mother’s mutilated head in her lap.

“I want you to tell me what happened that night.” Somehow Cazador knows what exactly is bothering you and that it is not your father getting a bout of guilt, but the event itself. You shake your head slightly, not wanting to talk about it, not wanting to put it in words.

You never spoke about it to anyone, not even your father.

In response Cazador’s arm leaves you and grips your chin, making you look at him. His eyes bore into yours and you press your lips into a thin line, really not wanting to talk about it, but his utterly calm expression nearly already disarms you.

“Come on now, dear, you will feel better if you do. Don’t you trust me?” Cazador asks and you hate how he destroys your defenses with the tiniest manipulation trick, because yes, of course you trust him.

You love him.

Decades fighting at each other’s side, decades sometimes fighting even each other, years and years in the army as you both learned and climbed the ranks, becoming two of the most trusted soldiers at your father’s command. If there wasn’t a romantic bond, then a strong platonic one would’ve formed anyway. But that moment in your father’s room, when Cazador pulled you there and made you cry for him, that moment was only the beginning of secret exchanges of glances and smiles, of hidden touches and passed notes, of private trysts. Beginning of a relationship that started with blood and blades then became gentle touches and whispered prayers of each other’s names.

It became something softer but exciting as you two still taunt and tease each other, it became something filled with trust as you stand in the battlefield back to back, it became everything. And with years passing by, the arrogance began to simmer down, gentleness taking priority when it’s just the two of you. At this point you are sure even your father knows, no matter how oblivious he has become to the matters of heart since your mother’s murder. But nobody says anything, nobody addresses it, so you and Cazador continue to do what you two know well how to – keep it private and keep it safe.

You pause, letting your mind run through countless memories, countless kisses, countless caresses and you sigh, your shoulders slumping in defeat.

“I do trust you.”

“Well, that wasn’t so hard, hm?” Cazador hums with a smile and releases your chin, but his eyes quickly snap to the door when you both hear couple passing soldiers, very obviously drunk, as they are discussing their favorite courtesans back home. You’re not phased by the talk, but Cazador frowns ever so slightly and sighs. “Come.”

With a palm on your lower back he guides towards the bed, his expression serious and maybe even slightly somber, making you wonder what’s going on in his head, as you have many times before. Cazador does not share his thoughts easily and you learned to accept that, but that doesn’t curb your curiosity whatsoever. You wonder if there will ever be the time when you two talk to each other freely, without guarding unspeakable secrets, whatever they may be.

“Sit.” Cazador’s tone is a bit stern than what it should be but you don’t mind, you are both too used to commanding soldiers day in and day out, so you just sit down and watch him squat in front of you, ever so careful not even kneel on the dirty floor lest his pants get stained, and he takes one of your legs, beginning to undo leather straps of your boot.

“What are you doing?” You ask, slightly surprised by his behavior, but Cazador doesn’t look up, just continues on with the task as his long hair falls on both sides of his face since he’s bent over.

“You’re staying the night.” He responds calmly and you frown, thinking that he still wants something more intimate, because that was his plan after all, judging from how he kissed you earlier. So you bend down too, trying to swat his fingers away from your boot.

“I’ll go back to my own bedroll. General is unprotected without me nearby.” Your argument is a completely reasonable one and correct too, but Cazador just impatiently slaps your fingers away with one hand, making you scoff in offense when you straighten your back and begin rubbing the skin that immediately begins to throb.

“He’s completely surrounded by his army. He’ll be fine. But you’re staying with me tonight.” Cazador’s tone is firm, strict and you move your jaw with rising anger, watching him finally unclasp the straps and take off the shoe from your left leg, then immediately start working on another.

“Cazador, I don’t know what you think will happen tonight but I’m not in a mood.” Your words are as unyielding as his own, but he doesn’t respond, at least not right away.

He only speaks up when your other boot is put with the first one and he stands up, straightening his back and looking down on you. Elf’s hand reaches and caresses your loose hair gently, then moves alongside your jawline.

“I expect you to tell me what happened that night and after that I don’t want you to sleep alone.” He finally explains and your heart feels like it’s being squeezed with hot fingers. Your expression changes from anger to hardly disguised sadness and you nod.

“Alright, I will.” You exhale heavily and stand up again, now beginning to unbutton Cazador’s shirt while he pulls at the laces of yours.

As you undress him and as he undresses you, you begin telling him the story. The one that left such deep mark on you which is ready to bleed at the first probe. You begin with your voice level, your words calm, but as you continue, as you tell him about coming closer to the room, you start losing your composure. Your voice begins to quiver, your words become choked and you resort to a whisper because you feel the unrelenting strangulation of your emotions around your throat, which is threatening to erupt with sobs and tears.

Cazador lets you speak, he doesn’t hurry you even when you pause while trying to remove his clothes, pieces of yours finding their way onto the nearby chair much faster than his. By the time you’re just in your undershirt you’re still struggling with the clasps of his boots, bent down and sobbing, not seeing your own fingers through the tears. He doesn’t interrupt, just remains standing silent and still as you tell him of the men who raped your mother, how they taunted you as you were forced to watch. He says nothing when you stop speaking, struggling to take off his shoes and with a choked grunt finally managing to get them off. He lets you tell your story at your own pace while undressing him, because he knows it will help you finally tell the truth of what happened. You always preferred to have your hands busy.

By the time you take off his pants with more struggle than it usually is, your chest is heaving and your face is wet from your tears. But the moment you drape Cazador’s pants onto the same chair your clothes went to, you feel his fingers grasp your chin, and only your chin, making you lift your eyes to him. You can see him, the sharp angles of his face and his expression blurred by your tear-filled eyes. Your lips tremble and the moment of throwing dirt over your mother’s coffin was the last thing you finished describing.

Almost with curiosity in his eyes, Cazador steps closer and leans over you, turning your face at an uncomfortable angle so that he can remain looking at your face. Tears spill from the corners of your eyes and your vision clears at last.

Then you see a small smile on his lips, a genuine one.

“You look beautiful, my dear.” Cazador whispers with actual admiration in his voice and at first you feel surprised, but then you laugh.

“You’re a freak.” You push his hand off your chin and try to move an arm towards your face, intending to wipe the tears on a sleeve but the elf pushes it away and cups your face with two warm palms.

“Can you blame me? Usually I see you crying while you’re moaning with my-“

“Cazador!” You raise your voice, half amused and half even offended that he’s talking about sex after you just shared your most traumatic memory, but if you have to be honest with yourself, both of you have seen horrors of war, yours is just one tragedy among many, and he was never the most empathetic man.

Strangely enough, you do feel better, lighter, for telling him the truth and every detail. You didn’t realize until now what kind of burden it was, weighting on your shoulders for so, so long.

“Oh come now, don’t be shy. You’re a strong Captain! A future leader of the Baldur’s Gate army! And you only cry when I make you.” Cazador grins, his smirk is sharp and arrogant but his actions speak of softness as he proceeds to gently wipe your tears away.

“You’re an asshole.” You murmur but let him dry your face with his fingers, making him chuckle.

“Ah, just like-“

“Don’t you dare.” You can’t help but laugh now too and he glances up to your eyes, giving you a sly grin.

“There, you’re laughing now.” He says, releasing your face and you pout ever so slightly. You’re too easy when it comes to him, slipping not unlike silk between his fingers at a whim. “Come, lie down with me, I’m sure you’re tired. And I’m sure the General is fine too.” Cazador briefly wipes his moist hands on the sides of your shirt and finally lifts it, pulling it over your head before you can protest.

Completely naked now, just as he is, you watch a small smile on his lips as he passes you, tossing your shirt with the rest, and gets into bed, the old piece of furniture creaking under a weight it has forgotten for who knows how long, a year or two, maybe more, then he throws one of the blankets open in an invitation for you. His wonderfully black hair is draping over his shoulders and firm, trained chest.

He’s a vision you cannot resist.

Eagerly now you get into the bed, smiling, your heart much lighter, your burden lifted, and you snuggle up to Cazador, letting him cover you both with the blanket that he keeps open until you get comfortable. It takes a moment or two longer before you both settle. You rest your head in the crook of his shoulder, one of elf’s hand around you, the other – resting on top of yours after you lay it on his chest. Underneath your palm you feel warmth on his skin and a distant beating of a heart, its calm and even thrums that begin to soothe you, lull you into a sense of safety.

You don’t want to disturb the moment, the peace and the relief you’re feeling inside. Somehow, you don’t know how, he knows that you don’t want to speak about what you told him. Somehow he knows that all what you needed was to tell the story.

“Thank you.” Despite your desire to remain as you both are, quiet in this tiny, candlelit cabin, you want him to know that he helped.

“Rest now.” Cazador whispers, his fingers gently squeezing your hand and you close your eyes. For once in your life you are sure that meditation tonight will be easy for you.

When you rise from your rest next morning, you find yourself as you lain last night, still in same position, and Cazador is awake too. You lift your head to him, curious.

“Good morning, did you sleep?” You ask with your throat feeling slightly dry. Behind the soiled rags over the windows you notice the dawn coming, beginning to paint the sky in pink and orange. Years of being in the military trained you to always rise on time, before the day breaks.

“I did.” Cazador responds and you wonder what his meditations were about, but that’s something either of you rarely share.

Yours are usually about your childhood, running through the fields of flowers and arms of your mother, and your father, as they hold you, rise you up or soothe you. Only several decades ago some of those meditations have become of him, Cazador, the Szarr heir that conquered your heart and in your surrender gave you his. You wonder if he thinks about you too during his rest.

“I’m parched.” You murmur and slip out of his embrace, walking to the table and pouring wine into the cup. Only one candle remains burning, but with light quickly becoming brighter with every minute, you don’t feel like you need more.

When you turn to come back to bed, you watch Cazador prop his back against a pillow as he sits up and smiles, his eyes sweeping over your naked form.

“You’re the prettiest cupbearer I have ever seen.” He teases with that cocky grin of his and you scoff with a smile, then walk back and climb in, handing him the metal cup. Cazador pauses, eyeing your naked upper body since you tossed the blanket over your legs, and finally takes it, having a sip. “We’re starting some sort of celebration early?”

“I don’t know where you keep water, don’t be coy.” You gently chastise him and snatch the cup from his hand, now taking a sip too.

“One of the worgs from yesterday’s encounter snatched my waterskin off my horse. Haven’t had a chance to find another.” He watches you drink the wine and when you empty the cup you turn around and place it on the floor near the bed, momentarily feeling Cazador’s fingers trace over your back, over your scars there, all of them received in fights.

“I didn’t get a chance to see you fight yesterday.” You turn back to him, propping up the travel pillow and leaning against it with your side, your eyes resting on elf’s face and Cazador suddenly laughs.

“Oh you didn’t, hm? It was a sight, my dear.” He gestures now, as if trying to paint a picture with his hands. “They came at my men, trying to flank us from the left. I’m sure they were coordinated by that band of goblins we’re chasing. I heard the General and you got the second band of them coming from the front. Stupid, disgusting creatures.”

Cazador keeps talking and you listen to him attentively, because you did miss his performance, fighting alongside your father when the attack came, lost among the blood and guts. He gestures, now describing how he commanded his soldiers, showing a particular swing that he found satisfying and you absentmindedly take a strand of his hair, beginning to braid it. You gained this habit only recently, after you saw some of the half-elves in the camp braid each other’s hair before going to ambush thieves on the road ahead. At first Cazador resisted, trying to tell you to stop your stupid girlish things, but you insisted so now he allows you to do it, but only if you undo it before you both have to appear in front of your men.

And this time it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you’re braiding a strand of his long, silky hair. Cazador’s hands are painting you a picture of a short battle that lasted no more than ten minutes. His ring casts a short flash when it catches the light from the candle when he gestures and you smile, nodding to him from time to time, seeing in your mind’s eye how he fought, knowing exactly how each movement looked, you’ve seen them so many times before after all.

“The howls they made!” He laughs, delighted by the creatures suffering under his sword. “What a music to my ears! I listened to them in my meditations last night.” Cazador finishes and looks at you, paying attention at last and his bloodthirsty grin softens, watching your fingers run along the black strands. “You’re doing it again.” He murmurs and you nod to him with a smile on your face. “Sometimes I doubt you pay attention.”

“I do. You bathed in their gore. I saw you after the battle you know.” You give Cazador a pointed look and he sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, I guess you have.” Then he pauses, as if remembering and leans closer to you with a smirk. “I saw you too, gloriously drenched in blood, your eyes wild and ablaze from felling your foes.” A whisper that’s hot on your lips when he leans closer and closer and you smile in return.

“There are many such bloody baths before us.” You reply in a whisper too and stop braiding, knowing he will kiss you.

And he does, his lips on yours in an instant, his tongue demanding access which you grant with no reluctance. You feel his hand ghost over the side of your face and settle on your naked shoulder, pulling you closer to him, leaning you backwards, wanting to move you on your back. Yes, you two have time for this, even if it’s going to be quick.

Then, a knock on the door.

“Commander Szarr! There’s a courier for you! From your family!” A familiar voice announces, one of his soldiers, and Cazador lifts his head glancing up at the door then deeply frowns. He never liked being interrupted and right now it’s no different.

“Fucking courier.” He swears under his breath and you raise your eyebrows at the outburst but say nothing, just watch him push himself up and get out of the bed.

Swiftly he pulls up his pants and walks to the door, elf’s fingers quickly working to undo the braid you left in his hair before he opens up. While he exchanges words with the soldier, you grab his shirt from the chair of clothes and throw it on, just in case the man peeks inside by accident. You’re not too worried to be ‘caught’, not anymore, but you’re not in favor of any random person seeing you naked. That privilege is reserved only to Cazador.

When the door is closed and Cazador turns to you, you notice a scroll in his hands and then get a better view of it, seeing the wax stamp seal as he returns to the bed, stopping by the edge of it but not sitting down. His eyes briefly dart to you, then with a serious expression he snaps the seal in half, unrolling the scroll. You kneel in the bed, getting closer and looking at the contents of the message but you don’t recognize the letters. You guess it must be Kozakuran, language of the land Cazador hails from. You have no knowledge of how to read it.

But you do watch his face: the color leaves his skin, his fingers pale as they begin squeezing the parchment to the point it shakes in his hands, the furrowed brow gives his face such murderous expression it would make even the toughest enemy falter before charging. You’ve seen that look before and you are afraid of it yourself, although it hasn’t been cast in your direction.

Neither it is now, but Cazador’s jaw grinds for a moment longer, his eyes sweeping over the lettering and then he crumples the parchment in his ring hand, squeezing so hard his knuckles turn white.

“What is it?” You ask and you reach up, wanting to touch his face, to tame his anger, you’ve done it in the past, but this time the elf just snaps his eyes at you for a moment before walking to the still lit candle and putting the parchment to it. As it catches the flame, he lets it drop into the plate nearby.

“I’m going home.”

“Home? What do you mean home? What happened? For how long?” The questions begin tumbling from behind your teeth as your need to immediately know what’s going on raises to the highest degree. You scramble out of bed, walking to him, your barefoot feet being the only sound in the small house. “Cazador…” You gently approach him, place a hand on his shoulder as you stand by his side and for a moment you think he will snap at you, you’ve seen his volatile moods before when things didn’t go the way he wanted them to, but this time he just inhales, then exhales, calming himself.

“I’m going home. My father demands I return, permanently. He believes I’ve learned what I can at the army.” Cazador explains without looking at you and you freeze.

Home… Permanently…

“But-“

“We always knew that my assignment here was only temporary.” Cazador cuts you off, his words sharp and his tone angry, but when he looks at you, you see that his anger is not at you. He’s angry because he doesn’t want to leave.

“Why now? We’re literally on a march.” You search his eyes for something, reassurance maybe, a promise that this is not the end that your heart feels breaking over.

Cazador sighs again and turns to you, his palms finding perches on your shoulders and you let your own hand drop from his to your side while you wait for him to speak. It takes him a moment, his eyes sweeping over your face as if he’s trying to memorize every feature of it.

“I’m not sure why now. I have a suspicion, but it’s unfounded for now.” He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment and you can’t hold yourself back, you step to him and embrace him, your arms wrapping around his waist. You feel Cazador’s arms hug you in return, his palms resting on your back and the side of his face presses against your hair. “I can’t decline, you know that right?”

“I know. I know all too well that my father can’t oppose it either. That was the agreement from the very beginning, but… your leave will be a loss to the army.” You whisper, inhaling his scent, and Cazador smiles against your hair then pulls back just enough so that he can look at your face.

“Just the army?” He tries to give you his signature arrogant smirk, the one that always informs people that he sees everyone below him, but this time it fails, resembling more like a forced grimace. Sadness is hiding behind it.

You try to smile too, to keep up the charade but can’t. Your face becomes a mask of sorrow and while you’re not about to cry, your whole chest aches with the thought of being apart.

“You know it’s not.” You quickly move your hands to cup his face with your palms and bring it closer, kissing him with desperation. “Promise me we’ll meet. That every time we’re in Baldur’s Gate at the same time we will meet. Promise me, Cazador.” Words come tumbling out like a plea for mercy before you can stop, whispered in hushed words against his lips while you feel his arms squeeze you tighter. You have your eyes closed, because if you see pain his eyes you won’t able to stop yourself from collapsing under the sudden despair.

“I promise, you know I will.” Cazador whispers back, his kiss is not meant to silence you but to claim last moments of affection he can before he has to prepare to leave.

“You’ll stay in the city, yes?” you ask while elf’s lips kiss your cheek, then your temple and still hold you so tightly against him.

“I should, yes. I’ll try.”

He stops and you open your eyes, seeing him so close and realizing that from this day on you don’t know when you will see him again. Grief stirs in your chest like a beast ready to devour you, but you push it away, not giving into desperation that threatens to consume your mind. Not all is lost, you know that, you repeat that to yourself.

“Cazador-“

“My little soldier.” He suddenly smiles, surprising you with his words. He hasn’t called you that in a very long time. “We shall meet again, I assure you that.” Cazador looks gentle as he speaks and the vice in your chest relents, easing its grip. With your thumbs you rub the sides of his face, drinking in the feeling of his skin under your touch.

“Of course we will.” You hear yourself speak and your voice sounds stronger than you expected it to be. You even smile as you move your hands ever so slightly and cup his ears, giving them a gentle rub, seeing Cazador’s eyes widen for just a moment before he chuckles.

“Ah yes, for a moment I have forgotten what kind of woman you are.” He says and when you keep rubbing you see a gentle blush appear on his face and the tips of his ears. “You’re not going to let me leave with my dignity intact, are you.” Elf teases and you smile wider, because you prefer it this way. You prefer smiles over tears, you prefer hope over despair. Even if things are sometimes difficult, like right now. You shove the sadness deep into the pit of your soul, you won’t let it become you.

“As if you had any to begin with.” You tease, making Cazador laugh and he shakes his head slightly, trying to get rid of your fingers on his ears that are still working to change his mood. With how tightly he has you pressed against him, you begin to feel his length hardening.

“Foul woman, what did I do to deserve to get entangled with you.” He chastises and you finally release your grip on him, letting your palms rest on his shoulders as you smirk.

“The one you said you’ll marry one day?” You whisper and kiss him, feeling him return the kiss, leaning into it so hard, you are forced to bend backwards while his fingers dig into your flesh through his own shirt clad over your naked body.

When he pulls back, Cazador looks at you, his eyes unreadable before he speaks.

“I only said that so that you stop protesting when I want to fuck you.”

You scoff and laugh, for a split second believing him because of how serious his expression is now and you deliver a gentle, but poignant knee blow to his groin, making Cazador hiss with mild pain and straighten his back before releasing you. You raise an eyebrow at him before his hand shoots up and grabs your jaw firmly, his eyes angry for a moment.

“You…” Szarr heir pauses as he looks into your eyes, then the fury dissipates and he just looks utterly bemused. “You’re going to be the most annoying wife in the history of whole godsdamn Faerûn, woman.” He pushes your face away in a dismissive gesture but you just laugh.

“Yes, yes, I heard that before.” You wave your hand at him and receive a glare from under his eyebrows before he steps towards you and yanks his shirt over your head, retrieving it.

“Dress up before your daddy sees what a voluptuous woman his little girl has grown up to be, only to belong to me.” Cazador smirks. Here it is, that sly, arrogant grin you know so well, and you give him a smirk of your own, not impressed by his threat.

“Next you’ll threaten to fuck me in front of him.” You turn your back to Cazador and start picking up your clothes from the pile on the chair, sensing when he comes closer and proceeds to pick up his too, following your suit and dressing up.

“You know that I could, my dear. Don’t tempt me. Little farewell gift to the old General Sylven.” He taunts and you try not to chuckle because that would only encourage him.

“Simmer down, Lord Szarr, you’ll ruin your reputation.” You glance at him as you pull up your pants and he sees the humor in your eyes then smiles a bit softer.

“You’re right, as rare as it happens, you are right this time.” Cazador sighs and you give him a look with a laugh.

“You’re not going to be missed any time soon with this attitude.”

“This attitude made you fall for me on your knees with your mouth ready to worship.” He shoots back and you gasp with a louder laugh now.

“You are a pain in the ass, Szarr.” You pull your shirt over your body and just as your head is about to emerge from the pool of fabric, you feel arms around your waist and your body pulled against Cazador’s.

“I’m suspecting you’re into it since you are not exactly staying away from me.” He teases and you know he’s annoying on you purpose, just like you annoyed him earlier. Leaving with smiles, not tears.

“Maybe I am. Maybe you’ll get to find out next time we meet.” You smile, then it falters and you look at him without joy now, unable to pretend. “Write to me.”

“I will.” Cazador’s eyes sweep over your face one more time before they return to your eyes.

You feel like he’s about to say something you really should pay attention to and you even stop breathing for a moment. You wait, a second passes, then another, your heart beats louder and louder in your ears before Cazador inhales deeply, then slowly exhales.

“You’re mine, little soldier, mine alone. Never forget that.”

With that the elf presses his lips against yours in one last scorching kiss. You don’t know how long it lasts but you wish it would forever. When Cazador pulls back, his expression is collected, serious and then you’re released from his arms because he needs to start packing.

“I’ll see you in a bit.” You tell and he nods in response, not looking at you anymore. You will meet him again before he leaves, in your father’s presence, he has to be informed after all, and you shouldn’t be the one to do, that was understood even without you two discussing it.

So you sigh lightly and leave the tiny house, looking around as you go but noticing no one to witness your not-so-secretive departure. Yet your feet feel heavy as you make way towards the house you were supposed to spend last night at.

You don’t want him to go and you wish you could stop Cazador from going, but you know you can’t. Still, the smirk of Lord Varitan’s lips and the blazing fury of Lady Donnela’s eyes resurface in your memory like you just have seen them. Something about the two of them always deeply unsettled you and you know how much Cazador hates even talking about home, let alone either of his parents. He never said why, but you gathered hints of discipline, punishments and unspeakable cruelty towards him and one another.

With a quick shake of your head you dismiss these thoughts. No, not now. You’ll have plenty of time to think of this seemingly impossible puzzle of a family when Cazador is nowhere near, when his embrace is not there to reassure at the end of every day.

And your heart aches. So much.

You have no choice but to ignore it and hope that next time you see him is not too far in the future.

It can’t be.

It can’t be.

⫸ end note: thank you @sadist69 for a wonderful illustration♡~

[sepublic]

Alice in New Vestroia AU

            So I’ve been getting back into my age-old hyperfixation of Bakugan (both the show and toys from the legacy series) and realizing how much of a formative impact it all had on me, but also. As I revisit the original show, I’m getting the idea for an AU centered around Alice Gehabich, because they really did this girl dirty even though she’s literally Masquerade and has ‘his’ blessing (Seriously, disrespecting Alice is disrespecting Masquerade, you have to respect BOTH).

         AU where Alice is the main protagonist of New Vestroia, as part of this larger AU I have in mind where each story arc centers around another one of the original six brawlers, who gets a turn in the spotlight. Part of Alice’s arc in NV is self-actualizing as a less douchey Masquerade, and who’s her Guardian Bakugan if Hydranoid is bronzed?

         Why, it’s Reaper! Freed from the Doom Dimension thanks to the Legendary Soldiers of Vestroia. I feel bad for the dude and as others have suggested, Alice using Reaper in NV to free Hydranoid, the one who replaced him… Lots of delicious drama from that. I imagine that because it’s a toyline, Reaper has a new form/appearance thanks to his time in the Doom Dimension, for the same Doylist reason that Drago always has a new evolution, because you can’t reuse the same old toys from last year! Yuck!

         Not sure what it looks like (but there’s at least canon basis for the Doom Dimension to have changed Reaper’s look), but regardless he ends up with Alice again. There’s lots of mixed feelings, Alice is happy to be back with Reaper and hopes to make amends with him, confronting her past as Masquerade and any lingering guilt she might still hold. In general, a lot of NV has to deal with guilt and accountability when it comes to Alice and the characters she’s connected to…

         Reaper acts like it’s fine, he doesn’t care when he realizes his mission entails rescuing Hydranoid. But then in comes Alice’s first battle with Shadow Prove, in which Hades is revealed; The replacement to the Bakugan who replaced Reaper! And suddenly, in the heat of battle, Reaper’s true feelings emerge as he vents and projects and takes out a LOT of rage on poor Hades. Screaming and yelling at Hades, who he initially mistakes for Hydranoid, if he’s still inferior when he’s the one beating him this time, beating the ‘superior’ Hydranoid. Finding a cruel and bitter irony, that Hydranoid ended up being replaced himself, anyway.

         Alice is no fool and can tell Reaper is treating Hades as a personal punching bag substitute for the real deal, so after they leave a traumatized Shadow Prove in the dust, Alice sits down to talk with Reaper about his feelings. Reaper is fairly shocked to see such a vulnerable and soft side to Masquerade, since that kind of thing was never encouraged the last time they were partners. So we have Reaper gradually learning to come out of his shell, and accept his own vulnerabilities.

         Alice does get into a battle with Shadow Prove, two fellow Darkus brawlers; But otherwise, it’s clear she outclasses him, and despite Shadow Prove’s attempts to set himself up as a rival with their shared attributes and Hades as a doppelganger, Alice leaves him behind for her allies to deal with instead. No, Alice’s REAL rival… is none other than Spectra Phantom, of course!

         Because now the roles are reversed; You have the Darkus protagonist, up against a Pyrus antagonist. We have Helios, who is alluded to have a bit of an underdog story, who felt the need to become stronger just so he could match Bakugan like Hydranoid or Drago. So in a way, him and Spectra are a dark version of Dan and Drago, but they’re also still a dark reflection of Masquerade as well, because Alice definitely notices the similarities. Spectra being a carbon copy of Masquerade is now a meaningful narrative choice.

         Confronting Spectra Phantom for Alice is like confronting her past self as Masquerade, the toxic desire for power at the cost of all others. And as Alice grapples with her guilt for what she did, with Reaper being a blatant reminder, she kinda projects onto Spectra a little; Sees the similarities. Alice only has her grandfather but nobody else who could share in that same trauma of becoming a villainous alter-ego, so Alice wishfully assumes Spectra to be the same case, and Mira’s side of the story doesn’t help her perception either.

         So Alice tries to reach out to Spectra, thinks he’s also misunderstood and struggling as she did with Masquerade. And a confused Spectra quickly takes it in stride, and… takes advantage of Alice’s sympathy for his own ends. Eventually, it backfires as it becomes apparent that really is no difference between Keith Fermin and Spectra Phantom; Keith 100% chose of his own volition to pursue evil science and the torture of Bakugan for power. It was all him, there is no tragic accident or backstory.

         And Alice feels hurt and betrayed, because she really wanted someone she could’ve shared in that type of trauma with. And rebuked, Alice goes cold, she starts building up walls and decides that gentle compassion of hers was a mistake. And this is when Alice REALLY starts to emulate Masquerade, worst parts included… This is of course reflected in a design update.

         S1 gave us Alice accepting Masquerade as a part of herself, but what if S2 explored an inverse of that idea, of Masquerade accepting Alice as a part of herself? Alice starts to loathe and detest her former, softer self, whom she deep-down despises for being too weak, too much of a pushover, to do anything. Alice becomes unkind towards that side of herself, and overcompensates by embracing the crueler side to Masquerade, thinking her worth/growth lies in that aspect alone. We once again see the Masquerade who angrily bristles when Exedra examines his motives, as we get some déjà vu and realize how he was a sped-up endpoint for Alice’s insecurity; Masquerade really IS just Alice, who became fed up and disgusted with everyone but especially herself.

         This of course concerns Reaper, who’s also beginning to recognize something familiar and finds it foreboding. And so Alice’s arc comes from accepting that not only is she Masquerade, but she’s still Alice too; And that softer, kinder person is by no means an ‘inferior’ version of Masquerade. Both sides, both aspects to her identity, have their strengths and weaknesses, and do best when reconciled together. Alice learns to forgive her past self, not just Masquerade but the identity of ‘Alice’, for being meek; It’s self-love for the person you used to be.

         I imagine the posthumous discovery of Lync’s redemption influences that realization; Alice inferring from his glove that her compassion DID have an impact on Lync, that it wasn’t wasted. Showing kindness to others was never a mistake, and if Alice keeps trying, it eventually does pay off, even if there are those who might take it for granted. So Alice accepts that she’ll always still have some weakness, some vulnerability, and need to ask for help; And that’s okay!!! No shame in that whatsoever.

         Alice forgiving her own shortcomings helps her reconcile with Reaper; Reaper also learns to forgive himself for not being the strongest Bakugan, for having been replaced by Hydranoid for this. Because his self-worth and dignity are not tied to whether he can beat others up, it’s inherent, and Reaper fighting for the rights of Bakugan in New Vestroia is him fighting for his own worth at the same time, in a roundabout sense.

         Speaking of, this gets me back to Hydranoid; Him and Alice’s reunion mid-way through NV is going to be awkward with Reaper there. Remember that episode of Skyress being uncharacteristically harsh towards Ingram, assuming herself better, only for him to step up when she fails, all as a way to push forward the new product over last year’s? That doesn’t make sense for her, but you know which Bakugan of the original six it would make sense for? Hydranoid! Because it tracks that Hydranoid hasn’t completely let go of the toxic arrogance he had under Masquerade, the Might makes Right mentality.

         To him, Reaper is still that inferior Bakugan who wasn’t good enough for his Alice, so Hydranoid got rid of him. He’s being territorial, trying to defend his place alongside Alice now that Reaper has returned, and also ‘redeem’ himself for being captured by the Vexos. While Reaper’s dignity is not dependent on whether he can beat Hydranoid, I think it’s still a nice treat for Reaper, and a necessary wake-up call for Hydranoid, for Reaper to be the one who saves him after all, this time.

         So now we have Hydranoid coming to terms with HIS own weakness and failure, that sort of thing. If Marucho can have two talking Guardian Bakugan, one returning from S1 while the other is new with S2, so can Alice! Also, I guess this means we have an arc where Spectra captures Reaper, and Alice has to team up with Exedra to rescue him…

         I should add; One of the first battles Hydranoid has after reuniting with Alice? It’s him finally measuring up in-person against Hades, and just like in canon, it ends with his mechanical replacement obliterated in a single shot. After surviving previous losses with other opponents, Hades crumples in its first battle with the real deal, opening up for MAC Spider to take over. And, since Alice’s battle here isn’t as important (since she’s already garnered plenty of wins beforehand in NV as the protagonist), I guess we can have Hydranoid be defeated by MAC Spider, and perhaps this is the incident in which Reaper steps up to save him! Either way, Alice wins the overall battle, as she should.

         This also gets me back to Spectra Phantom and Helios, who themselves are dark reflections of Alice/Masquerade. They’re both motivated to become stronger, and from what I understand, in canon Spectra heads over to the good side after being shown that the Power of Friendship really is the best way to become powerful.

         So in other words, his redemption is arguably not altruistic; It’s merely Spectra being offered a legitimate option and taking it. He’s embracing the side of good because he expects a reward for it, that being a strengthened bond between him and Helios that will enable them to access that elusive Power of Friendship. And I think we could really work with this by exploring some proper tension with Spectra as an ally now, given his motives to become one.

         Pragmatically speaking, it’s better for the world if Spectra is with them, not against them. But as our protagonists interact with him, again, it becomes clear that Spectra is treating his ‘redemption’ as some sort of transaction, a different type of grab for power. So part of his storyline is being exposed to enough kindness and compassion that he realizes he should appreciate it for its own sake, not for the practical benefits it might bring.

         Hydranoid is of course super salty towards Spectra; He participated in his torture. Likewise, it’s this fact that added an additional personal layer between Alice and Spectra’s conflict. Hydranoid demands how they could possibly forgive Spectra for all the wrong he’s committed, but then Reaper cheekily asks the same of Hydranoid himself; Hydranoid was no saint, he sent many Bakugan to the Doom Dimension, as did Reaper.

         So they have no place to talk, Reaper figures, so he’s a bit more at peace with this. Reaper likes being given a chance to work on himself and change for the better, so he’s willing to grant that to others, becoming more compassionate. And keep in mind, he was temporarily under Spectra’s control before Alice and Exedra saved him, so Reaper has some stake too!

         As our protagonists learn to interact with Spectra in a non-adversarial setting, we see Reaper and Hydranoid reach out to Helios, and help Helios come to terms with his own vulnerability and shortcomings, and thus become less toxically obsessed with becoming stronger to compensate. Helios is less punishing of himself, and thus less reliant on becoming a cyborg, which could be seen as symbolic of self-harm in a sense; This culminates in Mechtanium Surge, in which Helios seems more organic since his redemption!

         Likewise, there is SO much awkwardness between Alice and Spectra. Alice is rightfully mad at him for… basically everything, though she does concede, when Spectra brings it up, that she did kinda assume and project a lot of stuff onto him. Spectra still took advantage of it, but Alice was the one who showed up out of nowhere and insisted they were parallels. Reflecting on her own past and motives, Alice explores Spectra’s reason to seek power, and perhaps a loneliness/inadequacy he also struggles with. He’s a lot less of a Poor Meow-Meow compared to Alice regarding their ‘origin’ stories, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t anything there, whatsoever.

         And as I said, Spectra learns to appreciate compassion for its own sake, and not as a roundabout means of becoming stronger. He sees that Alice’s kindness is a strength in its own right, that continuing to be hopeful and compassionate even in the face of adversity is not foolishness, but true perseverance. Spectra gains a new appreciation for Alice, and also begins to take accountability for his own actions, working to undo the harm he inflicted. What started off as basically a professional alliance becomes personal and meaningful to him, now.

         Alice still has to maintain boundaries around Spectra, who also learns to navigate and respect the distrust that others, especially Hydranoid, still have towards him. And this goes hand-in-hand with his reconciliation with Mira, who probably becomes more aware and accepting of Keith’s flaws, and condemning of them; Meaning Keith really does have to earn back her trust and approval this time. Neither Alice nor Keith feel entitled to forgiveness, but that doesn’t stop them from focusing on just doing actual good for the world regardless. Keith learns to stop hiding behind a mask, and also open up, as Helios and Alice and others do.

         That’s the general gist of Alice’s storyline here; Her grappling with her past self as Masquerade, with the guilt of what she did as him. Exploring and bridging the apparent gap between these two identities. There’s a bit of gender discussion in Alice accepting the ‘feminine’ aspect of herself, the soft and kind person, as being just as strong and meaningful as the more aggressive and masculine Masquerade, whom she may have subconsciously embraced out of internalized misogyny (while also still allowing herself to defy gender expectations). 

        Alice has become stronger, but she also learns to forgive and appreciate her ‘weaker’ past self who got her there, as Masquerade forgives the vulnerability of others. Progress is progress, be it learning to stand up for who you are, or make up for the harm you’ve caused. Forgiveness is the major theme, not just by Alice towards her own sins as Masquerade, but her supposed shortcomings as Alice herself. She’ll move on, but not deny one part to embrace another.

[ahollowgrave]

There was a post asking RPers with moon-worshipping characters how they handle the moon's revelation, especially with Endwalker. But! I am too shy to reblog that with my actual answers so instead I will post this two page rambling under a cut. (:

Okay, so I look at it through two lenses: 1) How much does your average citizen know about the big wide star and everything our beloved Warrior of Light gets up to in saving it all the time?

There are things in the real world I don’t know and things I am shocked to find out other people don’t know!

The history of the Star is vast and dense and no one can possibly know every crumb of it. 

2) Faith requires a sort of peace in knowing you don’t and won’t know certain things. If you have all the answers to all your questions, you don’t need faith.

The asking of questions is vital, here. If you are not curious about the world around you how can you possibly come to love it and those it shelters? If you believe for a second that you have all the answers to all the questions then your curiosity dies. 

That said with Odette and her convent it really boils down to:  They don’t know!

Odette is young, she may not have been alive during Dalamud’s fall and Bahamut’s defeat. I’m not really sure because time bubbles and I’m very vague with her age because time is my mortal enemy. When the moon started its fall the convent probably took it to mean: gods mad. Who wouldn’t? Even the faithless might pray under such a thing, no?  But the convent is secluded and news is slow to reach them and what does reach them is often embellished or outdated or just untrue. They must pick through the stories they are told and find the truth of the matter - which is subjective, as well! What is true for one might not be true for another. 

It is a bit of a chore, is what I am trying to say, and unreliable narrators are aplenty.

Currently, the Convent believes that earlier scripture naming Dalamud as Menphina’s Loyal Hound were written by Spoken who were trying to make sense of the world around them. They got it wrong, but no doubt there are things we get wrong even now with all our knowledge. 

The point of their faith is not to get things 100% right all the time but rather to meet the star and her denizens with hearts full of love. They don’t allow dogs at the convent, however.

The news out of EW is another matter since it still feels very fresh and new. Odette has stepped into the role of Nun Errant and she does relay information back to her Convent, either in person or via letter. I don’t know if the news of the WoL fighting the 12 made papers and so far it seems that most of the Loporrits that stayed star-side are in Old Sharlayan to learn! A big ship did go beyond the moon but that was… beyond the moon! So, like the nuns, I don’t know! They are but Spoken creatures, they question, yes, but it is difficult for them to see the grand picture being as small as they are.  It should be noted that Odette is not the warrior of light. I try very hard for her to not know everything the warrior of light gets up to in the MSQ because she, realistically, would not know. She’s just some nun! What I CAN say is that if Odette knew everything that I, the player, know she would still worship the Moon and Menphina. Imprisoning Zodiark before more needless death, setting the Loporrits to building a fallback and escape plan, reincarnating her closest and most trusted allies to serve as deities and make sure he cannot be freed? That’s love, baby. Of course, Menphina, the deity of Love, would be the keeper of the moon and its secrets! Also, almost none of this answered the secondary questions but… This is already very long but I could go on about the dark side of the moon, what it means to love, and all that but I’ll end it with this: It is okay for your characters to be wrong and make mistakes, IC! Let them have harmlessly bad and factually untrue opinions. 

BONUS: I recall a question about how a manmade moon might effect a god or goddess who is tied to it! But -- prayer and belief is were deities get their powers.

Well, the 12 as we know them are kind of ‘manmade’ themselves. Yes, Venat sort of reincarnated her most trusted allies, however… It was shown that prayers have the power to change them! We know that this altered Halone in some ways and I believe that it altered Menphina the same. Basically: Enough of her worshippers thought Dalamud was her ‘loyal hound’ and so she got a loyal hound. So, why should the moon(s) be any different?

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hello!! I love how much you dive into the whole anti taylor thing and make valid criticisms. Something that's bothered me a lot is the folklore love triangle and I never see anyone talking about it. She outright says Betty ends up with James even though James cheats on her. He tells her it meant nothing, that he was thinking about her even as he spent the summer with another girl. Even in her fictional world with fantasy characters, there's an element of cheating and being forgiven for it/not making a big deal of it. It makes me so uncomfortable. Is it just me? What are your thoughts on this?

Absolutely!  

I also find this "fictional love-triangle" that she created so uncomfortable. As a fan, I would more or less ignore her insistence that this was a coherent storyline because it so obviously is not. However, she seems to really believe she did something incredible with this arch- I disagree.  

There was a lot about her music that I straight up ignored while I was a fan- now I am ready to actually pay attention to it all and see it for what it is.  

She is clearly so interested in cheating... I just really think her moral compass is so skewed that she doesn't actually see why glorifying cheating is morally corrupt. 

But for the song "Betty" I agree with you completely- her main “moral to the story” for the song arch is that it's okay to cheat as long as they forgive you...  

It's especially concerning that the "Love-triangle" sees envisioning is happening in a high school setting. I just don't fully understand why this woman cannot write about anything other than high school aged people! They are literally Children!!!!! I'm so sick of relationship drama plotlines revolving around children in high school! (This is absolutely a broader problem in Media- it's not solely a weird thing that Swift does; however, it is still concerning that she seems to envy the youth while also only writing about the youth- it's getting weird.)  

Anyway, I think you raise a perfectly reasonable concern within her music. It glorifies cheating- which is diametrically opposed to her own insistence as the most moral pop-star. She thrives on the image of the clean-cut perfect suburban housewife, so it's a confusing contradiction to see her so fervently normalize something like cheating.  

One thing that concerns me too, is that in the "sequel" to "Betty" she writes "August" which is supposed to explain the other girl's backstory- which is that the other girl is like a pathetic fangirl who follows the guy around until they ended up sleeping together? It makes the guy seem like a morally corrupt ass who would manipulate people's feelings in order to sleep with them. I fail to see how any of us are supposed to be rooting for any of these characters? They're all a bit awful and immature- none of it is redeemable and, worse still,  Swift doesn't even give us a good "moral of the story."  

It's fine to depict negative aspects of reality like- people cheating on each other or being otherwise too immature for a relationship- especially if the characters are young, however it is up to the author to embed a message, a meaning, a moral into the mess. Without the moral of the story all we are left with is a self-indulgent rant.  

Especially in short story format. If I had to draw an analogy between the format of overarching, interconnected songs and a format in literature, I would pick the short story to draw a connection there.  

Okay, and here I’m going to break the point of this ask into two parts because if I do not it will become far too long – simply put you’ve inspired me to write, and I thank you for that.  

I thought you raised an excellent point so I went a little wild in my mind trying to pinpoint the exact reason why I found her attempt at narrative so uninspired, dull, and morally repugnant-  

[likesomekindofcheese]

Hey! Just recently finished The Great and frankly I’m also upset about Grigor’s relationship between Georgina and Marial, of which I haven’t liked her character since the beginning of the show and can’t seem to fathom why he loves her. Anyways, I can’t seem to find the post where you explain why you don’t like it, and if you haven’t written/posted it, I’d love to see why!

*cracks knuckles*

Hi there! I don't think I made a whole official post about why I don't like it outside of jokes. So let me explain why here. To get one thing over with, it was a personal thing. Gwilym Lee was my celebrity number one husband-boyfriend crush for ages. I began watching The Great for him. And of course I wrote lots of Grigor x reader fics to channel my imagination and lust. So when he became a cheater in season 2, out of nowhere, without any warning...it was a shock. I tried to think through it, justify it, but it never did. It felt like even in my fantasies, I wasn't safe. I wasn't good enough. The minute I slipped up in a romantic relationship, I would be cheated on as punishment. I had panic attacks and couldn't sleep and cried for days. I couldn't even look at the show or images or of Grigor for without crying. It was as if...I was the one cheated on. I literally had to get therapy because it bothered me so much.

Okay, now that this is done, here is my personal take of why Grigor/Marial is bad as a pairing. Also, this is just me being biased and my personal take, so if you ship the pairing...eh, good for you, all the more power to ya. This post isn't for you.

Let's move onto the foundation. I've discussed it a lot with the Queen and legend @ladystrallan but here it is for all y'all. The Big reasons why. Starting with the most important one.

Reason #1) Marial does not actually give a shit about Grigor's well-being and happiness.

Often in fanfics, when Grigor cheats on George, it's because he is sad about George and the OC or Reader or whoever is worried about him. They want him to be happy, wanted, loved, and valued, and chosen. Marial does none of those things. It's never about "how can I help this poor little meow meow feel better?" It's about "what can he do for me" like she's the damn rat from Charlotte's Web.

Reason #2) Marial does not respect Grigor

If Marial did respect Grigor, she would listen to what he says. She would not blab to Catherine about Peter having sex with and accidentally killing her mother. In season 3, when Peter dies- Grigor is sobbing and in a grieving state for his best friend. Marial on the other hand is celebrating his death like the munchkins celebrating a house dropping on the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz. Let's put it this way- if someone who you loved, someone you were very close to dropped dead out of nowhere, would you want to date someone who celebrated the death as good thing? No. If she did respect him, she would support him in his grief. She would keep her trap shut. Even if she personally didn't like Peter...she would still be there for Grigor's struggle of losing his friend. At the end of the day...Marial will betray her bestie to become a lady again. She is only on her own side and no one else's. She gets some Pet The Dog moments with the serfs...but not with anyone else she has interpersonal connections with at court.

Reason #3) The Affair is selfish.

Marial does none of these things. She starts the affair not because she is worried about his well-being, or happiness, or respect or selflessly genuinely loves him...she starts it because 1) he was a former fling, 2) she is rich again and she can, and 3) to spite Georgiana. Grigor kind of wants to feel happy and alive again- but it's bc George is away from him!

I understand that fiction is not reality. We can use fiction to discuss taboo things. Or even admit that we fantasize about things we know are ethically wrong. It says nothing about us. Just because we fantasize it or like it in fiction doesn't mean we like it in real life. But...

Reason #4) The Writers paint Georgiana's affair as bad and Grigor's affair as good.

We have all of season one to see how much it hurts Grigor to see his wife be Peter's mistress. And I'm not going to pretend it is entirely good. But Georgiana does get a few lines in season 1 after the poisoning that she kind of...HAS to be Peter's mistress. That their high social standing and wealth comes from their close friendship with Peter that in no ways should be tampered with. And this includes the complete lack of boundaries with Georgiana, because he is the absolute ruler emperor. Like that line in Six The Musical- If Peter says it's you, it's you. As far as I know, Peter and Georgiana is consensual other than the implied power balance and she's lucky she likes Peter and he's a good lover. In fact, back in the day, men WOULD offer their wives as missteress to the king because you could get a huge castle and lots of lands and money from it! That's what Mary Boleyn's husband thought when Henry VIII made her his mistress. You don't technically have a choice- might as well make the most out of it.

Yet the writer(s) paint Georgiana as bad and frame Marial as good, as something that Grigor needs to heal (it ain't), that she is his true love (blech) all without taking a big look in the mirror. They don't know how to handle a complex woman as Georgiana but they think framing Marial as a girlboss makes it better (yuck).

On a related note...imagine if we switched the genders? If Grigor was Georgette and Marial was Mark, we have Georgette being lonely and swept up in her exes charms. Giving everything to Mark, even when he crosses her personal boundaries. Despite this, she keeps running back to him, swearing she'll marry him even though he hates her recently dead bestie and doesn't comfort or support her mourning.

If that was the case, there would be riots! People would be all "omg you deserve better! My poor baby! Dump his ass, queen!" But...no. Since we have Miss GirlBoss (tm) Marial, this toxicity is apparently okay.

Reason #5) Grigor's love and loyalty to his wife was part of what made his character so endearing in the first place.

It's like if Peter said "fudge" instead of "fuck," but we all fell in love with Count Dymov because he loved his wife so much. That is why there are so many Grigor fics out there. Becuase the depth of love he has not only for Peter...but for Georgiana. It's not the issue that his honor as a man is insulted to have his wife sleep around...it's because he is genuinely heartbroken and sad about it. That he loves her that much. And that he loves Peter that much too. He's crying when he tries to put a pillow over Peter's face to suffocate him. In fact, Georgiana does care about his well being despite the whole mistress stuff. When he gets scruff out of rebellion, she knocks him out and tenderly gives him a shave. They tease and flirt with each other. She sits on his lap. Who wouldn't want a relationship where you are that wanted, adored, and unconditionally loved? In fact, their only conflict was Peter. If it wasn't for Peter, they would have an idyllic, wonderful marriage. Look up The Great on TV Tropes- they are listed as "Happily Married."

So him having an affair on Georgiana, to where he is given an option to KILL GEORGIANA and abandon her for Marial felt egregiously out of character.

This is not why i signed up. I wanted him and Georgiana to heal and grow and triumph in their love, especially as the series went on and Peter focused more on his romantic relationship with Catherine to where that WAS the show.

So yeah...those are my two cents.

[atopvisenyashill]

So I came upon your blog while looking through the asoiaf tag and explored it a bit. Would you please explain to me how are you against Targaryen incest, but find Jonsa fine? I’m genuinely curious, as I’ve just started reading the books (I’m half-way through a storm of swords) and find nothing fine about any form of incest, whether it is or not considered as such in-universe. I also find little to no Jonsa moments. Could you help me? Thank you!

okay so first of all i got sent an ask forever ago about what the appeal of jonsa is and i’ve been working on explaining basically where i see the plot going and why it’s thematically relevant and is2g i’m still actually putting it together it’s just doing that in a middle of a reread is tough bc my ideas are kinda all over the place lmao (just like this ask is about to be sorry!) (also once again, sorry if my tone comes across very weird, i swear i reread like twelve times to make sure i don’t sound too snarky and wasn't just vomitting up a thousand words of nonsense lmao!!).

BUT. Well there’s three points to this: what the characters may feel, what i feel about jonsa, and what i feel about targ incest. so first the characters:

I think it’s important to point out that first cousin marriage (and auncle/nibling marriage, esp if it’s a “half” relation) are not considered true incest in westeros and in many parts of our world. rickard and lyra, ned’s parents, are cousins. joanna and tywin lannister are first cousins. jonnel and sansa and edric and serena are uncle/nieces, and you’ll note that when alys karstark comes to jon for help, he is disgusted that her uncle is trying to steal her inheritance and not that he’s her uncle attempting to marry her. i point this out because not only is there nothing legally stopping a jonsa marriage, the characters themselves may also see it that way (as not incest). and if your next point is “well they grew up thinking they’re siblings” my answer is - yes and? One of the influences on this series is Mervyn Peake, who wrote gothic medieval stories, and both incest and pseudo-incest is very much a big part of gothic stories! A lot of the storylines in this world are dedicated to exploring incest as a force of socialization and romanticism, from Naerys pleading to live “as brother and sister” and Aegon insisting “we already are” to Alysanne’s “Alyssa is meant for Baelon” to Jaime’s “he heard none of it" in the sept. I don’t think it’s that far of a stretch to posit that two characters we have POVs for will fall in love and grapple with what that love says about them, about society, about their role in the world - and in fact, about half of Jon’s most popular ships are between him and a female relative. Sansa makes more sense to me because she’s closer to his age than Arya, has a more troubled relationship with him, is involved in the political aspects of the story just as much as he is, and isn’t likely to immediately start setting people on fire after they meet.

Now as for me, basically - i think both types of incest are the result of socialization + extreme trauma, and I fully expect that if Jonsa goes canon it will have a tragic ending. I think Jonsa takes some of the inherent misogyny of targ incest and plays around with it - Jon having significantly less societal privilege than basically every other Targaryen and what that means for Sansa as an heiress - but just because I think an exploration of that dynamic will be interesting, doesn’t mean I don’t expect it to be rife with problems.

because the problem with incest is the power dynamic ultimately, and you cannot escape that power dynamic bc people don’t exist in a vacuum. For all the Starks have some fucked up skeletons in their closet, Lyanna doesn’t show up in Ned’s bed naked and ask him to stop her betrothal to Robert, does she? This is the fundamental difference between targ incest and Jonsa or even Lannicest; Lannicest is rampant with toxicity from both of those deranged weirdos but they feel entitled to each other's bodies because of their own trauma surrounding their tumultuous childhoods (and probably some normalization of incest from their parents and proximity to Aerys/Rhaella/Rhaegar), but no one is saying "Jaime you are owed Cersei's body" or "Cersei your womb belongs to your brother and your brother alone." So I don't feel the need to sit here and go "Lannicest is toxic" like yeah? Clearly, lmao, these two feel like they are so damaged, and made so special by that damage, that they can only love one another, that's not what anyone would call healthy. I don't think it's necessary to sit here and explain that dynamic has abuse problems; it's right there in the text!

"well what about the power dynamic between jon and sansa?" YES WHAT ABOUT IT. that's the point! i'm interested in how a dynamic that is inherently abusive will play out between two people who were raised to believe some types of incest are okay but not others, who are victims of abuse and societal alienation themselves. because at the same time that i condemn targ incest, there are obviously real feelings and genuine care in these relationships and in these people, because again, people don't exist in a vacuum. daemon backs rhaenyra into this corner and then crucially does not kill any of her children because he realizes that's a step too far, she'd never forgive it, perhaps even because he grew to love them (i mean, Lucerys and Joffrey likely barely remember any other father but Daemon!). maegor is a monster who very specifically never harms rhaena's daughters! aemon is a useless pos but it seems likely he had a hand in raising naerys' son to be better than aegon because he could see the harm he and his brother were doing to naerys even if aemon was too much of a coward to actually stop that harm in any meaningful way! the difference, to me, is that jon will see that this relationship built on trauma and grief may be the only love he and sansa will ever allow themselves to feel but it is not healthy for them, and jon will leave! and sansa will realize she is not the impassive, frozen, detached symbol that the men around her want her to be, but a living, breathing person with her own wants and desires and agency, and will let him go!

Ultimately, while i think romanticizing and sexualizing the taboo is fine and even healthy, for me, there has to be some acknowledgement that you are in fact romanticizing the taboo. This is why the shitty dudes in asoiaf work for me in a way shitty dudes outside of asoiaf don’t usually - my general bitching about parts of the narrative that don’t click for me aside, there’s firm condemnation of the people engaging in these behaviors, from cersei sexually abusing lancel to sandor creeping on sansa. just because the narrative also shows us and wants us to feel empathy for sandor and cersei and why they’ve become bad people doesn’t mean what they’re doing isn’t bad. that’s what i like! i don’t want a story that holds my hand and drags me to the moral nor do i want a story that presents a god awful person who is supposed to be morally upright and not mean for us to dig deeper into them!

(this is why i like the pt but not the st of star wars, if you want an example - for all the prequels are um. flawed. lucas has an overreaching story about the effects of war, slavery, and interpersonal abuse that he’s dedicated to, and we are meant to be horrified by anakin choking padme just as surely as we’re meant to mourn their relationship and love for each other when palpatine gleefully tells anakin she’s dead and ani destroys the room in grief. vs like. what were the sequels even fucking doing man).

So the thing here is that I actually do in fact find Targaryen incest interesting while being morally repugnant as a practice, and I'm positive Jonsa will play around with both the morality of incest and the romanticism of it in a way that I find just as interesting, varied, romantic, and fulfilling as like, the Jaime/Cersei(/Brienne/Tyrion) mess or the Daemon/Rhaenyra/Laena/Harwin debacle! I like incest and I also hate it! I contain multitudes!