#and now I regret that bc idk!!! Maybe I'd have liked him!

[werewolves-are-real]

See my problem. Is that I would LIKE to meet people, either to get a partner or even, like, friends. But I do not have a car, and would need to walk 2+ miles to any mildly-public area (and even that would be like... a library or something). Which is hard when I am already constantly exhausted/in pain.

And then I try to imagine explaining that yeah my main hobby is writing about fictional relationships & obsessing over the original Star Trek. My second hobby is video-games, sorry if you were deceived by the fact I'm skinny & wear dresses, I'm just a nerd.

And yeah also I have nosy pet parakeets you gotta just deal with. And yeah I'm converting to Judaism (hopefully soon) so my Saturdays aren't free (so fun right now, especially, btw!)

And then I decide taking a nap sounds better, actually. And I look online and see stuff about how you gotta get out and meet people!! :) Here are some ideas for how to do that (all assuming you have a fucking car and, idk, money?? and also pre-existing friends?) and then I just feel mildly homicidal.

Anyway I'm turning 29 next week and when I am 30 people will be officially wondering what is Wrong With Me That I'm Alone, I think. Exciting 🙃

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

we adjusted my medication two weeks ago so the doctor was like "you might still get one more period bc there might be an ovulation in progress, but after tHAt we should really see an end to the periods"

and now 2 weeks on. when i'm getting a slight increase in the menopause symptoms after they finally started petering out....... guess fucking why?

yep. winter is coming.✌🏽🤪

the frequency of the nausea that i'm getting with this endo treatment is so irritating

and the head and muscle aches just keep returning when i think they're finally over

aaand now i've had 2 days of fucking cramps. i've been taking estrogen blockers for nearly 3 months !!!!!!!! i should not be getting fucking cramps anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[justtrashperson]

hi! could you draw college era ted? maybe with jenny? i'd love to see your take!

Anon I had to admit I had so many ideas and had to scratch my brain for this. Headcanon rant below

I think College Ted is like, how do I explain oooh sorry I’m not good with words.

Like he’s still an asshole a bit but more friendly and it’s more of a jokey asshole if you know what I mean. Like the guy who would say rude remarks if it’s funny and bully his friends but would apologize (without saying sorry, maybe through actions) if you’re actually hurt by it.

Like his friendship with Jenny was more of a play fighting but also shy around each other.

Jenny would talk and rant to him and Ted would react and rile her up and support her rights and wrongs lmao like these people are not normal but also they very much cannot say how much they love each other.

Idk I have a lot of thoughts and I think he was also a nerd (maybe either tech nerd or language. I like both) but he slacks off and party but somehow most of the time guy had pretty okay score. Not high but enough to pass. Friendship wise I think he’s average. Had a few friends here and there but his one true best friend was Jenny.

But then when Jenny left, he really didn’t know how to process it and regrets everything and blames himself, trying to change every ounce of his being from what Jenny knew and into someone he thought Jenny would like, but also into someone that doesn’t remind him of how he was with Jenny

Like I think Him and Peter aren’t so different, but Ted decided to be someone else because he thought it would put things back together, that stuff will be fine and that he won’t get hurt again and hoping one day when (if) Jenny comes back, she would want to be with him.

Sorry for the essay lmao I cant explain my thoughts in just a few sentences and need to explain my idea for Ted as a whole

Also as an extra while researching for outfit ideas I suddenly had a thought what if the sweater Peter uses after he talked to steph was actually Ted’s older sweater.

Maybe when Jenny left Ted decided to redo his whole wardrobe a bit and left his sweater hidden in either his closet or somewhere else where he can’t see it. Could also be he decided to give away most of his clothes to Peter but Peter never wore it bc it was too big before he was trying to figure out a new outfit bc of Steph and saw the sweater. Bc I don’t think he’d immediately bought a new sweater (though also a possibility) and as a younger sibling he definitely had Ted’s hand me downs

Anyway I’ll stop now lmao

[paintbrushnebula]

Could not sleep last night bc I was in a very thorough deep dive into Spot, like just. Everything about him, his past, his present, his future.

I like the idea of Spot being depicted as that very niche character trope where you have this character who is far more tragic than their goofy, eccentric personality lets on at face value, like they have this devastating backstory and the other characters around them realize it and are visibly very shocked and sorry for that person but said person doesn't even seem to register just how sad they are. Like yeah they probably know they're messed up, but not enough to dwell on it, yknow? Because they're like this eccentric, mildly problematic loser who annoys everyone because they're so very lonely.

Idk that's how I'd like him to be written, anyway, because that'd honestly be even sadder than if he was aware of how miserable he is.

I wanna know EVERYTHING about him. What family did he lose? Why did they cast him out after he transformed? Did they know it was him? Do you think they didn't believe it was him when he tried telling them? Do they think the *real* Jonathan Ohnn is dead? Does Spot consider Jonathan Ohnn "dead"?

How's Spot gonna live after he's redeemed?

Yes, I'd like him to be redeemed. And like, maybe somehow get off the hook in a way that is justifiable. It'd be way more interesting to see him have to find a way to readjust to life in a healthy way.

Where's he gonna live? Who will keep him company? How will he make a new living? How will he find new purpose? Is he gonna try to reconnect with his family again? What are his regrets? I'm sure he'll have many now that he's reflecting on his past choices that led him to the collider. I mean we know the history there a little bit don't we? The collider was his idea, his creation. And it was stolen from him by Olivia Octavius, who took all the credit. Spot got messed over hard, didn't he? Did he leave family behind to pursue a career at Alchemex? Is that why they pushed him away?

So so many questions!

[p0rk-guts]

waitt but what's different about your ocified velvette... i like her a little but find myself wanting more substance from her in canon tbh

TEEHEE WHAT A GOOD QUESTION I TOTALLY DIDN'T SET PPL UP TO ASK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay sew me and @ajistorpid were talking and they inspired a good chunk of my ideas so you can blame them for feeding my sick delusions.

Read more just like last time bc I talk too much sorry but there's art in there too oooo you should look u should read my ramblings

As far as I know, Velvette has no canon age at death, cause of death, or death date so based on what we know we just crafted our own headcanons. AJ proposed she might've had parents who ran one of those family vlog channels with her as the face of it, becoming a child influencer under her parents' control. I was thinking she could've been a child model- yk like. dance moms or something. Idk I don't remember what was happening on that show— anyways. Yea

Either way she grew up constantly controled and perfection was her standard. All of her outside thoughts and feelings and interests and opinions were constantly dismissed in favor of what made her more marketable. She never did get that popular in life tho, and her mentors always shamed and blamed her for it.

Idk if this is canon or not, but the idea of the sinners designs reflecting their vices or things they regreted or hated in life is an untapped gold mine to me so that could explain where Velvette's supposed doll and clown themes come from. Became a toy dressed up and paraded around for the entertainment of others + joke never taken seriously. She'd hate that

(As for how that ties into my redesign…. me and AJ were thinking she could be a vampire doll, but I'm not sure IDK I wanna sketch that out and see what it's giving)

In hell she easilly fell back into this warped facsimile of her old life bc it was all she knew. "she feels some form of pseudo control and enjoyment because she has no one pulling her strings now" (<-AJ) SHE'S running things!!! Who's the puppet now!!!!!!

Then THAT had me thinking too because now that I think about it. Why Is she the backbone of the V's?? She's like. An undergrad student in my mind at the MOST and Vox and Val are two men pushing 40 I'm sure. I think a big part of it is the fact that those two are almost complete and utter buffoons who let their emotions cloud their actions constantly, Valentino most obviously but even tho Vox seems more composed like when he's talking Val down from his outburst and when he was talking to the press, we can still see he's a total mess—especially where Alastor is concerned. He lost it so bad during their duet HE SHORTED PENTAGRAM CITY'S POWER.

Now out of all the V's we've seen the least of Velvette (I'd call it what it is but yall gon get real mad at me), The most we really got out of her character was the overlord meeting (and despite her huge ego and unruly behavior she did end up speaking facts), so maybe she Is just as unstable as them in canon but canon is SHIT and this isn't about canon anymore. In my mind she's very much in charge of the back end of their work. Vox is obviously the head of the operation—or at least he seems like it to me—what with the tech company having his name and with him answering the interviews, but I think that's all he is. The figure head. Velvette is the brain behind it all. When Vox proposes new buisness endeavors off the cuff she's the one who goes back and makes sure they're getting handled properly because he doesn't really dig into the backend of how things happen. Vox goes to most of the conferences or whatever (Vel's too busy running her shows and serving cunt after all) but Vel follows up on what was learned.

(also yeah all that makes this very much an au of an au bc it'd take a lot of radical changes for the two of them to be friends I think. It's fun to imagine anyway)

Quoting AJ here bc I'm bad at paraphrasing and they said it well:

"And if we're going to make her sympathetic, (obviously not excusing her enabling a rapist) Val and Vox are grown ass men and she never got to experience the world outside a camera

Velvette is easily malleable with no real relationships!! Some victims tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to their abusers the only exception is that she feels like she has control this time"

THIS this. THIS! Okay uhh vague personal experience w/ abuse cw ig. skip this paragraph if you don't wanna hear it. But It kinda reminds me of my relationship with my parents- NOT THAT I SEE THEM AS TWO DADS AND A DAUGHTER I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THAT NOTION IN A POST PILOT WORLD If future content proves me wrong it proves me wrong but at this moment they're all equals in my mind (…and I hc them as poly BUT WE'LL GET THERE) but In my situation it's like. I hate my parents for the abuse they've caused me, my mom more than my dad bc she's satan incarnate, but there are still things I like about my dad and. Tolerate. About my mother. We still can talk cordialy and spend time together, have fun together even, and I show affection to them, but deep down I know I wanna cut my mom off later and maybe my dad too depending. Additionally my mom is completely Incompatent and pulls none of her weight so despite it all I've been forced to pick up the slack and become half the brains of this family. I do chores she should take care of. Handle money. Make important decisions about our health and safety she doesn't care about.

AAAny ways. This is so my version of Velvette. No I'm not projecting (I am). She pulls a big chunk of the weight around there (some of it being carried by Vox and virtually none by Val). She's very close with the two of them but isn't a fan of everything they do (Cares more for Vox than Val in my mind). Speaking of, she definitely isn't some saint now, she still makes the love potions and is Impassive to both Val and Vox's behavior, but part of that Is her just seeing it as part of the business. Shady practices and exploitation are par for the course in any business to her. She never truly grew out of the harmful mindsets ingrained into her by whoever her enabling caretakers were in life and they're still apparent in hell. (Maybe she even experienced some of the darker sides of exploitation in life but was groomed into thinking it was okay contributing to why she doesn't see Valentino's actions as heinous. Idk. thinking on it)

Circling back to my poly V's idea. Idk it just seems plausible to me. Vox and Val already have their whole thing going on, they all live together, and they all have nicknames for each other (Vox calling her my dear, Val calling her baby doll, Vel calling Vox darling). Ik that could just be their personalities and the pet names don't have to mean anything more but this is MY au and my word is gospel hope this helps. It just makes sense

I could go on and ON about the toxic insanity of the Poly V's in my mind— particularly between Vox and Valentino— but this is NOT their post so maybe next time. As for Velvette, I get the vibe that she'd be intimate with both of them and enjoy it but she's never the one to initiate anything. Sometimes they're all like this 🤞🏾 and others the boys are a complete turn off to her (main example being the difference in her attitude towards Vox in episode 3 vs episode 8). Her tolerance of them flips on a dime depending on how they're acting. She also prefers to be a casually entertained observer to VoxVal more often then not (ex. end of episode 8 imo)

Boys aside. My Velvette is still a social media influencer and she's all about advertising. advertising products (like the love potion), clothing looks, technology... Heck even herself. "You're nobody if you don't wear this or use this or look like this ^ - ^". Projecting on her even further by making her have a love/hate relationship with her profession aka the modeling aspect of it: she's always had a genuine love for fashion and dressing up but the internal pressure for perfection she's placed on herself makes it hard for her. She's very hard on her models and designers bc of this

Couldn't think of a segway for this but also WHAT HAPPENED TO VELVETTE WANTING TO FIGHT THE ANGELS??? The "full assault plan" against the angels??? And then when the fight actually came they were all just lounging around watching it go down like it was afternoon tv????? This isn't even a "we'll get to it in season 2" thing did they honest to god forget? Did that line not mean anything??

Well I didn't forget and it's pissed me off since my first rewatch of that meeting scene. Don't think we don't know how the V's got the angel head, but In my head Velvette was the one who initially proposed the idea for an assault against heaven and her insatiable need to feel respected and feared only spurred this plan on, incredible risk be damned.

It also felt weird to me that Velvette just. Let it go when Carmilla said the meeting was over. Just. "Oh ok! Plan cancelled no more attacking heaven ^ - ^ I'm gonna go scroll for the rest of the show!" Hu h. My au-ified Velvette would definitely fight her on it— if she thought killing angels would change the game and Carmilla held the secrets behind it she would pry! Blow up at her about it until she wasn't getting results and bitterly storming off with as much composure as she could muster. Not wanting to team up with Carmilla but find some way to use her for all she was worth and get her way in the end, use the power and resources the V's had to actually make a plan. Would it have worked without the Morningstars? Eh. Either way I'm sure she could delude herself into thinking they were the most powerful people in hell. Ugh I don't wanna make an au rewrite of the show and I that was never my plan so idk where that'd go but. Yea

ANYWAYS anyways. wow you made it to the end somehow! Here's your treat :3

Context u didn't ask for: Some days Velvette overwhelms herself with her own impossible expectations. Nothing she creates or puts out is good enough. She gets extra anxious about her following; nothing's happened to them, but what if they see the miniscule flaw in her latest clothing that she sees? What if she's no longer perfect? (Even worse in the vamp Velvette redesign of her bc she literally feeds off their attention and admiration)

She'll snap at everyone and disapprove of every look and then hole herself away somewhere where she crashes and is just. So. Tired. But she'll be out of it the next day, ready to keep the conveyor rolling.

[xaeyrnofnbe]

HOW ID REWRITE ANGEL: THE SERIES

(bc i liked the show but i feel like things should have played out VERY differently) (i'm very biased towards certain characters also)

changes start around when cordy ascends to be a higher being and connor throws angel in the ocean

her boredom as a higher being leads to her coming back to earth (on her own accord!!) and giving up her godhood to do so, but retaining outward, physical demonic traits (themed around her brief appearance as a god bc i think the imagery there was very pretty) and this acts as a full circle moment for her character, mirroring doyle in season 1. whereas once she was disgusted by a half-demon, now she is one herself and couldn't be happier. she still has visions and some minor abilities but now she doesn't pass for human and doesn't get to be space-demon-god

connor and cordelia DOESNT HAPPEN. GIRL THAT IS YOUR SON. BOY THAT IS YOUR MOM. PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER

more lorne. idc what happens with him i just want him to be more of a main character

cordelia and angel have some brief awkward flirtations(?) which are super weird and uncomfortable and they conclude that they love each other dearly, but aren't into each other Like That (they only thought so to begin with bc all their friends kept saying it) (but they're buddies :]]])

connor seriously struggles with holt's death, and has to grapple with the emotional confusion of trying to live with and cooperate with the very man he was raised for the sole purpose of killing. but angel investigations really want him to be ok so they take good care of him throughout, even if he is hesitant to accept

uhhhh eventually wesley does get apologetic about betraying his friends. it takes him a while but he does recognize and regret his wrongdoings

i don't know what the big bad should be in season 4 since i'd fully retcon everything needed to make that plot happen. i like to imagine it would be better though

they DO end up running wolfram & hart. since i think it's funny. and spike's arc remains the same with him returning as a ghost, coming back to life, etc etc. he'd be a smidge different though, a TAD less antagonistic. not because i think he wouldn't but because i'd like to see more of the spike we saw at the end of btvs (it'd be hard to justify with buffy not being present, but i still think it's doable)

harmony gets to be more of a character also!!! she and cordy hang out :)) she also takes her job as angel's assistant VERY seriously, but in that way that only harmony could be, which is to say: not very serious at all actually, but she's very determined about whatever the hell it is she's doing

more hints that angel and spike banged when they were evil because 1. i think it's funny, 2. the implications for their characters and dynamic are EXCELLENT. i would also like a few more friend moments for them. and maybe they kiss idk whaaaat who said that. no but seriously the werewolf girl doesn't happen and instead that plot is taken over by spike. imagine. i mean whattt

more of angel acting silly bc he was adorable in the first season and i'd love more of that

fred doesn't die suddenly and horribly. preferably not at all

gunn gets to care about literally anything other than himself in s5. more emphasis on his resilience? his will to survive? and how that makes him more loyal to the people in his life? pretty please? and he hangs out with wes because they were friends once?

with cordelia not gone maybe they could somehow move dennis to wolfram & hart? or maybe cordy has a new apartment he could stay at? idk i just thought he was fun and SURELY there's a spell for that

basically there's road bumps for sure but at the core of the show is a band of friends. they LIKE each other, because i genuinely believe that's where the show is strongest. i never really cared for the dramatic plotlines, im really only in it for the characters i adore and their (ALMOST ENTIRELY PLATONIC UNLESS ITS FUNNY) relationships to one another. and it's at its weakest when everything's all gloomy and dramatic. so let it be lighthearted and let them be FRIENDS

[yonemurishiroku]

please drop the link for the Nico finds family in Venice au when you're done pretty please 🥺

would be very interested in reading it

I regret to inform you that I, in fact, have nothing regarding this AU except for maybe a few visions that would do much better were I an artist instead of a slow-as-snail writer.

I have some reasonable explanation for the di Angelos - Maria had many siblings, and therefore Nico has many cousins who are actually still alive. One of them being the current head of the family (?) and he recognizes Nico. He has a vague sense of the whole Hades thing, so when Nico tells him the truth, he believes him and welcomes him back to the family. Nico then lives with them as his grandson.

I like to play around and imagine that it's like a big family staying together. And Nico now has an 'older brother' - who is actually his... grandnephew?? idk i probably just made that up. It'd be 10x times funnier if said grandnephew is actually aware of the truth. So they have this weird dynamic of "I'm 70 years older than you, son" - "Not in the adoption papers you are not, grandpa" LMAO. And then maybe - just maybe! - a boyfriend who is friends with said older brother/grandnephew? LOL

My plan, as of currently (which is code word for: all the prompts I can think of), is only an one-scene oneshot (you know, typical me).

Initially, I was going to merge it with another prompt I've got in store - which is about Grover coming across Nico in Italy again when he's traveling the world as the god of the wild. The plot would be quite simple, obviously: Grover lands in Venice, recognizes Nico who is just having a nice morning out with his (new) family, and then spends some time together on a bench sightseeing as they contemplate Nico's life story.

It's a one-time encounter between old friends to reminisce about your past - that sort of thing.

On the other hand, I just realized maybe five minutes ago that Reyna can fit quite well in Grover's place, as well. Mainly because:

1/ She is traveling around, too.

2/ She's close to Nico, too.

3/ She's now a Hunter of Artemis, which is a whole other branch that can connect to Bianca in case I want to go there, too.

Hazel is also a good candidate, though in her case I'd have to modify the plot a little, figuring out a good reason for her to cross the freaking Atlantic, what kind of transportation she'll have to take, their reactions upon reuniting - just. a bunch of things, really. I reckon if I'm going to pick Hazel, I would need to bring Percy too bc 1/ Frank would never let Hazel go that far alone but CJ needs at least a praetor; 2/ It allows for more interesting interactions.

But alas - I hardly have enough willpower for both Hazel and Percy, so there's that.

This is everything I have in mind. I'm sorry if you were expecting a multi-chaptered fanfic bc honestly I can't do longfic and half of the time I say I have an AU - it's like a 2-sentence prompt at best 😭😭😭

[alicentsultana]

Ooo I'd love to help/write with you! I can message you if it's cool? I'm honestly awkward at times and tend to ramble...so idk if it's okay or not.

I feel like the point where Alicent really starts to question it ...hmm ...let's say.... Post Criston scandal? when Rhaenyra secretly drops out of uni and gets knocked up by her new bodyguard/boyfriend Harwin and gives birth to jace? basically Viserys goes it's all good Rhaenyra doesn't need any punishment or to get scolded for quitting school and having a baby but Alicent is so disappointed with Rhaenyra because, she had a chance at a good education but ends up doing this!? And that she lied about Criston, had an innocent man fired!?

Also the fact that Alicent herself is pregnant soon gives birth to Daeron after Jace is born and watching how Viserys treats his new grandson while not even asking about how she and their new baby is!?

Also let's say Viserys starts frequently calling Alicent, Aemma when he's high on medication also calls Aegon, Baelon which adds to the poor boys trauma and infuriats Alicent because it's one thing to treat her like shit but he's even projecting it to their son now... she's just over everything like you said and Otto seriously points out she should look at inheritance things lol, yea calls Larys...

Omg yes Alcoholic Aegon ... it fits very well honestly, he smokes and drinks and makes bad friends as a teen and those things kinda stick with him, I don't think Alicent would have Aegon help raise his siblings tho like I feel like she's hire a nanny or something?

Because I don't think Alicent would leave her marriage dirt poor, she's taking whatever she can get and Viserys didn't want her making a huge scandal so he tells her that either she takes the 25% overall shares he's given her+kids or else he'll use his connections and make her regret it.

So she has money, just not as much as Rhaenyra and Viserys do lol plus her Hightower side are somewhat influencal tho I can see her uncle + even Otto mayhaps disowning Alicent because how dare she get a divorce!? Divorce is not allowed in their church! (Fuck them)

I think after the divorce Alicent would probably want to pursue her education which she had left, tho not sure what subject she would study? Maybe something history related? or even a medical related? since she's a natural as helping and tending to the sick? I do think she's very very smart so whatever she studies she'll do great in!

Please so send a message! We all are awkward in this site, is a trait we all share.

Alicent would be mega disappointed. Like girl haven't you learnt nothing?

I wouldn't say raise raise the kids along with her, but more of a "stop whining! We're not going back, do peace with it". After all he was nine not 14.

Alicent can use her manipulative inheritance to, idk I picture her as a somewhat popular public person but not in a very influencer way, more of a philanthropist, people know something is wrong bc she's so young, he's so old, but she does charity and most that work with them would say she's an unassuming woman. I would love her threatening him.

They would dishonor her like is a casual sunday.

I too think she's very smart, so anything she chooses would be successful, I lean towards history for her, feels like passion.

[lesbiancolumbo]

🐻 anon here!

So I watched the rest of the season and I confirm my episode 1's thoughts: the story is on the nose!

Even in season 2, I found the Christmas dinner unnecessary: we know already that the berzotti are fucked up and the mother is a nightmare. We don't need to see her driving into her home. Also I am tired of seeing abusive mothers on tv behaving so loudly while the fathers can be all icyly and cool. Maybe it's bc the dinner scene recalls me hundreds of dinners my own mother prepared and she has always been awful while she is cooking, but she has always been collected about it, bc the show must go on and guests are at a distance of a wall.

This kind of situation repeated itself in season 3: the episode 8 was just a 40 minutes long therapy session. People don't talk like that and wow I am glad Donna worked on herself and was there for Sugar but it's a sterotype, it gives "when you will be a mother you will know", "mother and daughter bonding bc daughter is pregnant so she is an adult now".

Re using parts of past episodes cannot used for every goddamn episode, bc it becomes stale. We know from the beginning Carmy worked in a bad environment, we don't need to see it again with the same scene. Show me something else.

Also I don't care if Carmy and Sydney get together, if it is a warrior bond or whatever. Personally i love a good slow burn, an ambiguous messy situation and all but that relationship is going nowhere. He is going down and she with him, but it feels obliged. She is staying bc she is grateful but that special bond they had even in s2 is gone. I would have loved to see her so loyal she cares only about having that star as he wants.

I know we have all a fucked up relationship with food, but if in the previous seasons Carmy seemed to have some kind of interest on it, no more, here it's like he doesn't care about it at all. He could do whatever else and it would be the same. We see Richie loving serving well people and we see him so taken by this environment that he almost forgets about how much he loves his job and he regrets it, but Carmy? He could do professional card castles for how much he cares about food. He doesn't eat. How can you know if your food is good if you don't taste it?

Also the last episodes drag Sooo much. I love slow but why do I have to watch people talk about nothing when I could make my own small talk with my neighbour?

Also this is a personal consideration but in these years many shows had a very good s1 and then went downhill. It's a hubris thing? It's a "I didnt think it would have a s2 and it made me lose my mind" thing? It's a business thing? Idk

What do you think?

i'm glad you brought up the fishes episode from season two, because i got a lot of flak at the time for hating that episode lol. it, to me, felt very symbolic of the the larger issues with the show that i have (which i've already elaborated on elsewhere and won't rehash here). that episode gives us no new information, really, especially since the season doesn't even follow up on the donna plot thread anyway. it's spectacle for the sake of spectacle and casting all those stars for the sake of saying hey, look at who we can afford now that people care about our little indie show!

admittedly i've decided to not continue finishing s3 after the first episode - i just don't want to, i live one life, i'm sick and miserable and it's a holiday weekend and i'd rather watch iron chef america, etc. so i can't really speak to a lot of what s3 does, but it sounds to me like it's retreading a lot of familiar ground from seasons one and two and not really propelling the ship forward. i can't say this surprises me! i don't think chris & co are interested in creating a cohesive season.... they want every episode to be like fishes: a one-off that will grip you and make you forget how poorly structured the rest of it is. this is working on a lot of people, so i have to respect the grift lol. but i digress.

i will say re: the carmy and his relationship to food point you make that there's definitely a not-small group of chefs who actually have that kind of relationship to food lol.... they don't cook at home! they eat garbage! the other day i was watching an episode of alex vs. america on food network and it was being judged by two professional chefs with multiple restaurants, and one of them mentioned that the dish they were eating was similar to something she would cook at home. the other judge, a chef who is very well-known in LA and has many italian restaurants, is known for being a pasta master and cooks IN HIS RESTAURANT, replies in shock, "you cook at home?" now, i guess my question would be is this intentional or not lol..... i don't have a high opinion of the showrunner/writer so i won't answer that question. tbh i really don't think they know what to do with carmy, which is why his character arc/the story as a whole seems to constantly just.... come to a halt or go back to the beginning.

you bring up a lot of great points, and while again, i can't speak to most of s3 because i'm just not interested in going further with this show, i'm not shocked they seem to once again sideline the characters and relationships that got us on board with this show in the first place! and for what! to film in copenhagen and cast daniel boulud? ok. i am very neutral on syd and carmy (as in, i don't care if they go the romance route or not) but i liked their dynamic a lot in season one and i felt that it was lacking in season two. and from what i've read about season three, it feels like again it's lacking and once again carmy is doing the thing where he just totally disrespects her and sidelines here.... sydney! name-twin... if you can hear me: get out of there! leave this loser behind i am so serious.

[silkmothh]

Servitude journal: Forced orgasm

Our house has been the activity hub again, we've had people coming and going for the last 3 weeks and I've been a good, good girl this whole time 🫡 I haven't had a chance to touch myself or Sir this whole time bc he is so much busier than me and even though I feel bad Sir says I am doing such a good job keeping up and he's sorry he can't use me when I offer myself bc of all the busy-ness

Every day I get more horny, every rejected offering makes me wetter.. I'm looking at tblr porn every second I get. Work breaks, at red lights, in the middle of chores or cooking, on my walks, in the bath, in bed after Sir falls asleep, and the aching keeps me awake.. every rejected offering was just pushing me further and further into degeneracy. I've never been denied like THIS, for so long. Normally, my rejected offerings are met with an alternative. But this past month has just been "no, not now. No, maybe when I'm done. No, maybe when they leave, " I'm not breaking any rules looking at porn, as long as I'm not touching myself. And gosh, have I been looking 😅

But I couldn't take it last night. It was the last night before the house is back to regulars only. I haven't made a single offering in so long, I felt like I was going crazy. I was trying not to hump my hand or my blanket, I really wanted to go to sleep, my cunt was HURTING something fierce, and I was just,,, scrolling away on tblr. Until Sir stirred, and I damn near jumped his bones.

We couldn't fuck, and Sir was so tired. I begged just a little to be played with, I didn't care what he did I just begged him to touch my clit or put something in me or let me do it bc I was on fire. We wrestled around for a minute, I had to earn my chance at an offering.

I ended up tucked up close to Sir, I only got 1 hand and 1 chance to cum. I was to hold my legs open and shut the fuck up until Sir was finished with me.

I think I forgot how good Sir is with my cunt. He knows just the right places to rub, knows the perfect timing to keep me on edge ughh I'm already throbbing remembering.

The first time I get my command I tried really, really hard to cum but Sir started pinching my clit and labia so I didn't get my relief. He held onto my hair to keep me still.

When I got my second command I begged not to. I told Sir I wanted more play time. I wanted his fingers in me, I wanted to be used, I wanted him to break my brain and never let me cum again. I begged "noiwantmoreiwantmoreiwantmore no please take it back i don't want to cum pleasepleasepleadrpleass" and he just kept on. He pulled my hair to bring my head back down onto him. He told me to fix my posture, I had let my legs go and if I squirmed away instead of listening he'd make sure I'd regret it, if he didn't get this, if I didn't go through with my offering after begging him so desperately before-

And it hit me all at once. Waves of euphoria over and over. My eyes started watering. I got so still and squeezed my thighs so hard to keep my legs open "nononononono wait wait" but it was too late. I didn't want to cum but once it started I wanted more, I wanted to cum again. Sir laughed at me and told me how stupid I was. He reminded me that I needed him to decide bc I just can't make up my mind. He teased me about crying to be denied and then crying to be overstimulated.

I couldn't feel anything else but his hand on my cunt, the pressure just right on my clit, the occasional pinch. I could feel myself starting to slip.

But Sir got what he wanted, so we were done. Sir brought me back to reality, I couldn't drop into sub space just yet, but he promised he'd put me back once the house settled.

According to Sir, all I could say before I fell asleep was thank you, and how good it felt, and how I wanted every orgasm forced out of me like that..

I hope that's not true bc Sir seemed pretty into that last one and idk how many forced orgasms I could do 😵‍💫

[toastedjeans]

Siren Tower characters and their fighting styles bc I'm bored and idk what to do with my life

Peppino - good old fashioned punches, slaps, and headbutts. Sometimes uses kitchenware like rolling pins or spoons. Pretty strong guy

Brick - bites, scratches, jumps on top of someone to squash them, tackles. I'd say he's strong but i mean. It's a giant rat that's kind of a given

Hazel - slaps, uses various objects, sometimes scratches. Normally doesn't wanna fight but if it comes to it, she's surprisingly strong.

Mr. Stick - throws things from a distance. Runs away rather than fighting cause he's a coward. Weak ass. Probably the weakest of all the (main) characters.

Maurice - uses his sack of nickels, punches if that isn't available. Is not as strong as he looks or wants others to think. I like to believe Hazel is a little stronger than him.

Gustavo - punches, grips and strangles, doesn't fight often since he's a jolly fella and it takes a bit until he's properly angry. A little stronger than Peppino.

Pepperman - tackles and shoves. If angry enough, throws his statues after someone, and regrets it later. Pretty strong, but a little weaker than Peppino.

Vigilante - gun. But seriously, also punches, tackles, and throws things. Now imagine getting beat up by a sea slug lol. Stronger than he looks, but probably still not that strong.

Noise - bites and scratches if angry, throws things if he just wants to annoy others and have fun. Not that strong, relies more on the sharpness of his claws and teeth.

Fake Peppino - bites, tackles, wraps his arms around someone to strangle them, sometimes slaps with his tail. Again, like Gustavo, usually doesn't fight as it takes a bit to make him angry. Very strong, probably the strongest out of everyone, but only unleashes his full strength if extremely enraged.

Pizzaface - tackles, could sting or whip someone with his tail spike but doesn't do that often. Mostly orders others to fight beside him. Moderately strong, but focuses more on overwhelming with the sheer amount of guys fighting for him

Pizzahead - mocks and laughs mostly, throws things, electric shocks, slap fights (you know what i mean right?), sometimes shoves, or slaps with his tail. Mostly lets others do the fighting. Not very strong but pretty agile and resilient.

Peddito - grips and strangles. As strong as Peppino, maybe even a tiny bit stronger.

Doise - throws rocks, kicks, shoves. Bites only when very agitated. Not very strong, probably as strong, or slightly weaker than Noise.

Bonus Ziti - doesn't fight. Hides or swims away. At most they slap, punch, or shove in defense or retaliation. Weak ass, yet still a little stronger than Mr. Stick because i think it's funny.

[callme-adam-iguess]

PETALDELA AUU :D

Mark has/is.. The purple hyacinth! One of many funeral flowers, it Symbols Sorrow and Regret (and forgiveness I think)

Cesar has/is.. The Rhododendron flower! If I remember correctly, it symbolises Caution and Danger (get it? Bc of the VOL1 incident?)

More under the cut/AU INFOO

Basically, I thought, instead of Alternates, what if theres these flower things that slowly take over the human body if their seeds stick onto them? They'd go to the brain (or any other major organ, but mostly brain)

The flowers are more like either their own bad traits, emotions or just flowers I think would make sense to them, like Mark I didn't really have any idea but he would probably have a lot of Regret and he probably caused a lot of Sorrow

While with Cesar, I also had no fucking idea but the only thing for sure, didn't wanna go with a rose, not because I don't like roses (they're so fucking pretty) but because I know ppl think of Cesar and go with roses (that what happened to me anyways). Plus, Mark didn't really was entirely cautious of the danger he was in when he agreed to help him out but I don't blame him, I would probably do the same thing tbh.

Anyways, the flower infection makes it's victims like Zombies but they're still very conscious of what's going on (depending on how they died) example with.. Well, the two we mentioned before!

Mark: he shot himself in the head, don't ask but the seeds would be on the bullet of the gun (how? Idfk so yeet yer theories at me-) So he probably would be usually quiet/observant and probably tired 24/7.

Cesar: idk what his cause of death would be canonly but in this AU he fell out of a 2nd floor window and landed right on his head (poor guy probably broke his neck and slowly died) but I'd still like to think he's very friendly (maybe Two Faced though?) he would be a bit too friendly at times.. Anyways-

Gabriel would probably still exist, probably be the creator of the zombie flower thing (idk what to call it), guy is just made of the flowers lol. So yes, Dave betrayal death still happens.

Since Mark's body technically left the scene of the crime, he's deemed "Missing" along with Cesar instead of dead, Sarah is working on finding him.

Thatcher is also trying to find Mark and Cesar along with.. Well, you probably guess who the other missing people are :)

That is all for now :D

Also here's the full paper sheet if u really want it:

[icharchivist]

was having banri thoughts lately just bc like. why not right. and then i suddenly remember u mentioning that some ppl... did not like banri at the start? which is wild to me bc in my mind ive always been ride or die for him. like i love juza so much but i feel like. that doesnt rly oppose liking banris character as well? banri is such fun character drama at the beginning of autumn and then his and itarus dynamic is fun from the start... gosh and the acting in the final bits of the autumn troupe between him and juza! suchhh fun tension. like. idk. it just started making me think like wow. digging thru a3 on my own with mostly the influence of like, just you has probably skewed my opinion of what the common perception of a3 is like. for example in my head winter is the most popular troupe which... it maybe isnt? i feel like recently i saw u mention summer might be the most popular(? this couldve been a dream) and i didnt realize itaru was super popular until like. last month. i mean if i had to pick a character i thought was the most popular i'd pick. misumi.

LKFJDLKFJD god what an ask

yeah i doubt i'm exactly the "common a3 experience" but to be perfectly honest i haven’t really kept tabs on the fandom per se since hh mid-2020 when i started to dig into some tags and saw so much negativity i was just :/ and stopped doing so (the curse to liking rascals </3).

Nowadays my knowledge of the a3 fandom is mostly the people interreacting with me, which already generally means that they vibe with what i post, so it gives me a skewed vision of the fandom like, are we all like that? or are the loud voices that made me go avoid the tag still here yaknow?

More stuff under cut

For Banri, i'll admit i wasn't too hot about him when i started the game, which now i regret so bad because he's my precious little meow meow hands down. He has such a good arc!!!! I know in my case i just had a hard time because i cared for Juza right away and i was still so high on Summer's development i kept comparing Banri to Tenma and going "here's why Tenma is amazing and Banri is cringefail". But it lasted me until a bit before Banri sees the portraits, when he starts to be conflicted, after that i was all, oh wait i like that guy. And then the more content i saw of him the more i loved him and he became my fav Autumn Chara. (so if you want to ramble about him more you’re free to do so because i’m team i adore this guy. please do. you’re so right in what you say of him.)

But so i did expect people to have my experience - hard time in the beginning, then mellowing on him before the end of the Autumn Chapter. And it wasn't the case 😭😭😭😭 At least at the time, the Banri's takes were rancid. Like it was genuinely annoying at a point, you couldn't go anywhere without some Banri bashing fuckery, even after his initial arc, people just. really hated him. My most hated takes were that i saw so many people say Banri would bully Yuki or stuff implying they would have an antagonistic relationship and it's probably why i cling to Into the Night so much, like HELL you're going to twist one of my fav crosstroupe dynamic!!! I legit saw so many things reducing Banri to a menace and a bully, and if not that, talking about how much everyone in the dorm hated him, and it was really driving me insane then.

I remember once making a post about how i was so close to blacklist "Banri" because people didn't filter this bashing with tags so i was just ready to just, not see Banri anymore, but it was breaking my heart. But somehow after this post i got a few people coming back at me about how it annoyed them too and i saw some of those people make their own posts in a more. direct way. and after that i never saw Banri bashing again. My power (< absolutely not, coincidence at best i'm sure).

A lot of Banri bashing i saw back then were from "newcomers" in the sense that it was after the anime aired, and a lot of people were just coming in without knowing about the events. imo i think the events do help giving a better feel to Banri in general so the fact people were fresh from the anime might have skewed things. I remember a friend who was in that case, newcomer and all, only read the main story, didn't like Banri after reading the main story. Then, Main story act 2 came out and while they didn't read the events, they read the main story and they started liking Banri there (because he did develop so much since then)

And as a whole i'd say, by act 2 it must have died out a bit.

There's another chara who gets bashed a lot but. Act 2 stuff 😔. Unfortunately a chara i like a lot so this was my breaking point of "i'm not checking the tags anymore none of you know how to behave". I think it mellowed since then? and i know the chara is popular in the JPN fandom meanwhile.

else i've seen like, Tasuku having very little content from fans and a few people being mean to him when they talked about him, but it was a long time ago and i sure hope it died out. I don't think i'd say he's bashed, more that most folks don't have strong feelings about him and stopped just with a bitter taste over his anger toward Tsumugi in the first winter chap.

Now. About popularity, Winter is DEF NOT the most popular troupe. Pretty sure it plays between Autumn and Summer in term of popularity. That said it's not like any of the troupes are unpopular so any ramblings about each Troupe would be meet with pleased reactions from the fandom, so it is harder to gauge that but yeah.

Troupewise something i noticed is that i think Summer is the most popular in term of GROUP, while Autumn is the most popular in term of Individuals. So a lot of people liked Summer specifically for their dynamic and how each of those charas played out each other more than individually liking each of them, while for Autumn it was, they liked all of them strongly! not specifically for their dynamic, though of course it plays a part, but as individuals. I mention it because i think it was the key difference in rank up in why i think Summer plays were okay to rank up to while Autumn were a nightmare. (that said that can also be "blamed" on "fans gravitate around characters that have elements they have as well" or something which means Autumn fans were more likely to be competitive and stubborn in a way Summer were more mellow.)

Itaru is definitely the most popular character of the whole game, period. It's not even a competition at this point it's so funny. when the EN server was live, anytime Itaru had a rank up card was a bloodbath (< survivor of Kniroun ranking up at 0.2%. Didn't sleep normally for the whole duration of the event it was so much.).

By the end of the server things were dying out a bit but still in general you could get a vague idea of popularity by how wild the rankings could be. For instance the fact Tasuku's ranking was a breeze without even trying was indicative of how he's not that popular.

In general i've noticed, at the time at least, that Winter ranks up were rather easy. I've ranked up for a few of Summer and i didn't see much of a problem otherwise*. Spring was really chill unless Itaru was in rank up. Autumn was THE Bloodbath. There were Autumn Stans organziation all over, the appp SYSTEMATICALLY broke EVERYTIME Autumn was around, it was always much more challenging, so yeah man.

Misumi* is probably the one i'd consider the second most popular character of the game, pretty much.

(*The funny thing is that Misumi got his lead play very early in the server's history, and i know i ranked up for him then and i didn't think it was too hard. In retrospect i'm sure it has more to do with the fact the game didn't have as many people playing it, than it had to do with popularity, so my word on Summer not being a problem is based on weird stats)

A while ago, for the Taiwanese server, there was a special set of cards in term of popularity on this server. Itaru got a SSR, Masumi got a SR, and Misumi got a R.

Masumi is in a weird position because i'd say he's fairly unpopular in the EN server, while he's popular in the JPN and Taiwanese server. Honestly i'm assuming he's especially popular with the teen audience.

AND THE MOST TELLING PART:

The first Cross-troupe's play was involving the most popular character of each troupe, by a poll being made by the JPN server. The leads were Itaru and Banri, then Misumi as a secondary character and Tsumugi as a more support character.

Meaning at the time, this was the order of the 4 most popular characters of the game.

When the mixed troupe event came to the English server, i remember a poll circulating on tumblr and likely twitter as well, trying to see if the EN Server had different favorites. Itaru still came on top, Misumi followed closely afterward. For Autumn, it was Juza and Taichi that were on the top of the Autumn poll, not Banri, and for Winter, i think it was still Tsumugi but Homare was very close behind.

So that was the popularity at least back then, god knows opinions now.

I've seen Homare be extremely popular on tumblr for sure. I have no doubt in Juza's popularity as well.

I saw a lot of Taichi fan going "Taichi is underappreciated" but i saw so many of them i was kinda just thinking "bro i'm pretty sure Taichi is in the popular character squad by now" But i'm also on the other hand as i've once seen a post saying Hisoka was popular and it stunned me a moment going ????? because as a huge Hisoka stan i don't see it???? There's a few devoted fans, and he has a better fanbase in JPN server, but in EN server??? (I'm comparing the last rank up for Hisoka VS the last rank up for Taichi in my mind and i genuinely don't see it for instance) so i also think it's likely i have a "fav blindspot" where i just don't think people are vibing with the charas the way i'm vibing, just. exactly like what i'm talking about with the Taichi stans so.... (that said i also once was tagged in a post that was going "i don't think i've ever seen a Hisoka or Tasuku stan" and a friend just went @ icha come here. Schrodinger Hisoka who's both popular and unpopular depending on who you're asking. And Tasuku IS MY UNDERRATED MEOW MEOW)

I think i recall Tenma being popular for a time, and Yuki is well appreciated by everyone around here. Kazunari has a loud fanbase but i'm pretty sure the seiyuu thing was a huge blow to them and a lot of them got more quiet at the time.

And for what it's worth i do think there's a sizeable portion of the fandom that really like Tsuzuru, but i think it's just, something you get to see a lot when a huge part of the fandom is creatives. And to be completely fair, Clockwork Heart is the one event i had a massive burn out at and didn't pay attention to the rankings at all, so i can't tell if people went really wild about it. And the next Tsuzuru rank up event was literally the last event of the EN server and i'm sure it's not indicative of anything since a lot of folks just didn't want to bother. So unlike the others were i'm using rank up as a gauge of popularity i can't tell how Tsuzuru's might influence his.

SO YEAH that's for what i could pick up BACK THEN, as i remind, i didn't really look deeply into the fandom itself. I'm really good in my corner so it might not actually be indicative of the fandom trends and i'm maybe completely off base.

Then about how, i, personally, don't represent the fandom, unless the fandom changed since then: When i first liveblogged a3, it was when the server was new and no one was on tumblr about it, so i was a little unfiltered from people's opinions. when i came back about a year later to comment on act 2, getting all worked up, and running then into the growing fanbase on this website, is when i started to run into fan takes and everything.

And, let's be clear, i came back because i was crying very hard over Hisoka and Azuma and the full Winter Troupe, and Chikage, so i really came here with my Big Winter Boots only talking about Winter and then Spring.

I ended up getting a feel of what people were talking about a lot at that time, and kinda ended up talking more about what i considered my Underrated Gems.

For instance, i absolutely adore Itaru. I ranked up for him, i've bleed for him, i love the dude. But he's so popular i figured i legit had nothing to say about him that a hundred people wouldn't have been able to say before. So i've mostly didn't really talk about him much despite loving him a LOT because i just didn't think i had anything to say. (now in my current reread i'm doing it so disconnected from what i know of the fandom that i indulged in talking more about how much i like him LMAO)

Meanwhile, there's characters i love that i know the fandom don't talk about much so i end up talking about them more, and it's the case of Tasuku. I wouldn't be surprised Tasuku is really low on most people's popular list. I'm just Not Most People and you're going to hear me ramble about that hunk of a man every few days or so.

I've made my niche in the Winter Troupe appreciation gang and i'm pretty sure by now a lot of other Winter people follow me as a result because i couldn't shut the fuck up, so then my perception of the fanbase gets skewed because i just think of Them ahah.

And there is the fact i adore the rookies, mainly Chikage and Guy, but don't talk about them so much mostly because they came out later in the main story and i've been rereading act 1 so many times instead,,, and didn't talk much about act 2 in case some people managed to save themselves from being spoiled (like you!!)

So my personal perception of a3 is probably not reflecting the whole a3 fanbase really much. God the amount of times i talked my friends's ears off about Winter, that they kinda just humored me without thinking much about it, until they found out one of the More Popular Chara (Itaru, Tenma and the whole Autumn Troupe mostly) and suddenly they're like *twirls hair* heeyy Icha tell us more about a3. It's genuinely so funny to me.

and again i don't know perhaps i'm full of shit, and it's not like i've kept tabs on the fandom recently either!

But that is at least a bit of what i remember in term of popularity and what i can say is that i shouldn't be taken as an example of the fanbase's views in general.

I'm vibing in my corner, and by experience, it usually meant i ended up talking about more niche things, but since i'm disconnected from the fandom i'm pretty sure i still have opinions that are popular opinions. So who knows! not me!

So yeah that's all i can say about the popularity of the a3 fandom. Def not an indication of it by me.

and it must be funny for you since you only really have me as your fandom gateaway because well. *waves at post* yeah.

The more you know!

[figula]

last night i was thinking how the NHS treated me whenever i was dim enough to ask for help for my madness + just getting like more and more angry remembering it lmfao

i actually think that severing myself from like the idea of "help" and "psychiatry" and "CBT" and "mental health" has been more beneficial to my QOL than literally anything the NHS ever did for me, so im at peace w/ it on the whole, however there were some real highlights:

me sitting sobbing my eyes out in a small room w/ two strangers begging them to Please Help, and receiving a letter a few weeks later saying i wasn't ill enough for any help + i was on my own

being diagnosed w/ BPD (a big regret i have - once i cann afford to spend £250 on a psych visit im going to try and get that scrubbed off my record bc at the time of diagnosis like ~8 years ago i was naive enough to think that a diagnosis that wasn't depression or anxiety would force the NHS into giving me "help". however, obviously, as you all know, a BPD diagnosis is the 2020s equivalent of Female Hysteria

i was offered a round of CBT (classic) but there was an 18m waiting list and in that 18m i was diagnosed w/ the BPD. so i had a conversation w/ them in which they were like "we can only do the anxiety/depression, if you talk about anything BPD-ish we'll terminate you"

went to the minor injuries unit after a particularly bad self-harm session + was not asked any questions about how i was doing mentally, they didnt check i was safe, they didnt ask me if i was gonna be ok at home lol, they just cleaned me / bandaged me / sent me home again (tbh idk what id rather they did tbh like. i dont want to be sectioned - i was just kind of astonished by the lack of pretence at caring how i was doing)

in the last-ditch effort i made to get some "help" i told my (beloved! none of this is his fault) GP that if he had anything going i'd be willing to give it a shot. he told me there was this local unit opening up for "personality disorders" and that given i was motivated + all that shit i would be a perfect fit for it. (at this time i was already leery of the BPD label but i was still thinking like: maybe it will actually open THIS door to "treatment") i said to him: i know for a fact they will not accept me. you're welcome to try, but i am 100% sure that they will find a reason to reject me as a patient. and he was like no no no! haha why wouldn't they :) i'll send them a personal email about you! and they'll take you on my reccommendation! and i was like lol ok roy. anyway yeah of course they didnt accept me - as i told him they wouldnt - and he was so shocked and upset during that conversation where he told me this - and i was just like totally unemotional like "i told you this would happen" and he was like just so shocked about it all (honestly idk why, as a doctor, he must see the carnage, but whatever) and just like "my god - you were right" (yeah no shit roy) and yeah that was just the moment i was like alright im never doing any of this shit again, never ever.

to be honest my suggestion to anyone in a similar situation is to read up on antipsychiatry lmfao (shout out to bananapeppers for forcing it into my eyeballs via tumblr) bc it really changed my mindset for the better. that's probably quite a bleak sentiment to end a post about psychiatry on but uh. i dont know what to say otherwise. i don't believe in "mental healthcare" anymore like i rly dont. im doing 100x better now that i refuse to talk to doctors about my madness. there is no moral to this post

ETA: from @bananapeppers herself: "for anyone reading this who may be interested, this is an England-based antipsychiatry organization that I recommend: Campaign for Psychiatric Abolition ( https://linktr.ee/cpabolition)"

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

A Very Religious family friend contacted me to say that she's going to be in town visiting my mom if I wanted to see them, and mentioned that she was coming sooner because mom had said she might not live until Christmas. That's interesting because I had just heard (from another family member) that mom was declining and asked her about it directly, and got a vague answer.

I thought of asking her about it, and pointing out that refusing to tell me what's going on when I've directly asked doesn't help anyone, but. I know she's not going to suddenly become more mature or develop better communication skills, she's not going to start talking to me. Also, if I brought it up to her it might turn into her asking me to visit sooner, and if I DON'T do that, I might get off not only not having to see her at Christmas as planned but not ever having to see her alive again. And that's honestly a joyful thought to me.

Like the idea that she might be gone soon is such a relief for a variety of reasons. I've been feeling sort of in limbo with job/potential move stuff, I would leave stuff at my parents' house but I don't want to see her while dropping it off, I don't mind my dad as much (his main crimes are letting my mom do whatever unquestioned and reacting poorly when I came out, compared to my mom, I can deal with that) so I could maybe repair our relationship a bit if he can bring himself to be cool about gender now, I could even leave Thistle with him, I wouldn't leave her with mom in the house bc the last TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS I left cats with her that I thought we had decided as a family were inside cats she threw them out of the house while I was gone and I'm not taking that risk with Thistle. But the alternative once I move out is leaving her at her old home with my friend for awhile, where she will continue to bully her cat siblings in the way that made my friend want to give her to a single cat household to begin with. (My current roommate wants me to take her as she clearly prefers me and screams when I'm gone, lol. I'm glad because I love her very much but may not have an apartment for her to live in for a year or two while doing seasonal work and didn't want to claim her if my roommate wanted her and would have a better place for her. But I get to keep her! Yay!)

Like idk what to tag this as. Probably vent is close enough but it's a weirdly positive vent. My aunt kept trying to pressure me to spend Thanksgiving with them awhile back and saying that I'd regret it when she's gone and that she regrets not saying things to her mom. I'm sorry about that for her but, secretly, I'm glad her mom is dead too, she contributed to making my mom the way she is and she also was a nasty difficult person to deal with and it's a relief to no longer have her to deal with. I'll probably feel the same about my mom. I was done with the endless sisyphean attempts to salvage our relationship years ago. Break is almost over so calling this post here

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

When We Bleed We Bleed The Same - Alternate Storyline Crumbs!

Chapter 3

So, the poll very clearly showed that y'all wanted some CRUMBS!! 🍞

And who am I to withhold those? Did I only post chapter 3 today? Yes. Should I maybe wait bc engagement or whatever? Pro-👏-bab-👏-ly. I'm not tho :)

So there's like.... 4 or 5 different drafts of chapter 3 out there??? Idk, it was a tough one to write, but from the feedback I've gotten, I'd have to assume that the draft that ended up in the story was a good one. Here's one that I cut!

no warnings apply, other than that I did not really,, read through this, so if there are any errors... whoops (pls remember that this is a draft and not a finished work. it is not complete, it will not read as complete. this is my writing unrefined and unedited, it will not be up to the same standard.)

When they entered Satine's apartment the Duchess went straight for the back office, saying she had to prepare to address the Senate tomorrow.

Dread arose in Nevaeh when she realised that'd mean she'd have to hang around the apartment with Rex for the rest of the day. It wasn't that she didn't like the Captain, not at all. If anything Nevaeh was already impressed with him. He had fought well on the Corunet and clearly knew how to be a good CO.

But she knew he was upset with her, and she knew he had good reason to be. She also knew he wouldn't want to hear her explanations, so she kept them to herself.

Making for the kitchen, she grabbed some water out of the fridge and began looking through the cabinets. There wasn't a whole lot in there, but she did find what looked like a takeout menu. Seeing the aurabesh writing she turned to the Captain, only to find him staring out the window. Looking at the rain? Not likely.

"There's a balcony in the bedroom," she said.

He turned. "What?" his voice sounded static through his helmet and she wished he'd just take it off. This was the second day they were spending together and she still hadn't seen his face.

"There's a balcony in the bedroom," she repeated gesturing to the door. "Figured you were wondering about alternate escape routes in case the door was blocked. You can easily jump to the next building over from the bedroom balcony."

"You can," he asked, walking over to the kitchen, "or I can?"

His question initially confused her, unsure what he was referring to. The room filled with silence and Nevaeh swore the only reason why she figured it out so quick was the tangible awkwardness. "Oh...," she began, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "In case of emergency a force user or non force user alike could make the jump."

"Good to know," he said, turning around once again.

"Do you read aurabesh?" she blurted out, regretting it right away.

"What?" he asked, turning to her. His visor shimmered in the dim light filtering through the window. She spotted the jaig eyes on his helmet and wondered what he had done to earn them. Not that she'd ever ask. Though she might ask him to take that helmet off eventually.

She cleared her throat. "Never mind, I'll just go ask Satine."

She grabbed the menu and stepped around him, toward the office, but his voice stopped her again.

"You can't read aurabesh?"

"Never needed to," she said with a smile. She knocked on Satine's door and waited to be let in, leaving the door open intentionally. Satine nodded towards it, but she shook her head.

They discussed the menu for a while and Nevaeh turned around to call the Captain over, asking if he'd also want something to eat. Eventually Nevaeh called the diner with their order and once she hung up again, she began questioning Satine about what she was working on, making sure to stick to Mando'a.

With the Captain now in earshot, she had a theory to test. So she began asking about what Satine was writing and when her speech seemed more aggressive than necessary, she questioned her friend.

Turns out that someone in the Senate had played a holo recording of a dear friend of Satine's, making it sound as though Republic involvement was necessary as soon as possible. Not believing that to be the truth, Satine reached out to one of her contacts who said he had the full, unaltered recording and was now on his way to Coruscant.

"Intresting. Let me handle that for you," Nevaeh said, switching back to basic, side-eyeing the Captain with feigned nervousness.

When she walked back out of the office she shut the door behind her, in an effort to give Satine some privacy. She walked past Rex again, waiting for a reaction. It didn't take long.

"What... was that about, Sir?" he asked, far too cautiously.

"Oh, nothing important," she responded, picking up her water again. Holding the bottle out to him she asked, "Want some too?"

"I'll be fine, Sir, thank you," he waved her off.

She turned around to grab another bottle from the fridge anyway. Her back was turned to him, but she was acutely aware of all his movements. The feelings rolling off him were tense, full of focus and intensety. She wasn't surprised.

"Your discussion did seem to... have some significance," he started again, circling back, like she predicted. She held out the water to him but he didn't take it, "I'm really fine, thank you, Sir."

Nevaeh smiled, stepping closer, getting into his personal space. "The discussion didn't concern you. And I really just want you to drink the water so I can finally see your face."

She felt how her words shocked him, wondering why his reaction was so palpable. Had no one ever asked to see his face before? Or had too many people asked, seeing as he was a clone and was it considered rude by this point? Nevaeh had always been blunt though and she really did want to know what he looked like. She'd seen pictures of Jango Fett, but she'd never seen a real clone of him without the helmet.

Slowly, he reached up and removed his helmet. He set it aside to grab the water from her hands, but he didn't even bother opening the bottle.

Her father had once told her that saying the first thing that comes to mind wasn't always the best idea. Most days Nevaeh followed that advice to the letter. Today wasn't most days.

"I thought Jango had black hair?"

"Uhh, yeah, he did," Rex said, his voice sounding a lot smoother without first running through a helmet speaker.