#and not to mention it does address the fact that fiona is going to be harsh trying to make anya do good in school by studying

[fishareglorious]

Stumbled across a very good sxf fic series today. Instead of Yor becoming the Forger mama, what if Nightfall’s mission got cut short and she was the one to take the role instead?

Featuring well... the Forgers, with Fiona’s aptitude of keeping a straight face as she internally loses it

Loid not quite realizing Nightfall is very much enamored with him

Anya elated with having not one, but two spy parents

And as for Yor, she’s doing fine! As for what she’s been up to, I won’t spoil it for any readers, but its absolutely funny who she ended up with

And you know the scene where Anya sucker-punched Damian because its what Yor taught her? Well since she learnt differently from Fiona, the scene’s now been altered. Press F for Damian.

Link for anyone who wants to read this absolute gem of a fic

[casually-slips-into-coma]

An Essay (sort of) Explaining the Many Grievances I Have With Debbie Gallagher

Once again, Debbie is the fucking worst.

I’ve been wanting to write out my feelings towards her character for a fucking minute now just so that I have a full concise list. Now, I can talk about how Debbie has a constant need for attention, or how her character has become someone unrecognizable in the past few seasons, or how she’s a terrible mother, but what I really want to focus on is the center of my issues with her: her sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about to be a homophobic rant or anything. I just think her queer development has been written terribly and that should be addressed.

Too often I see people praising queer characters or relationships based solely on the fact that they are queer, and as a member of the community, I get it. I am also starved for representation. This, however, does not mean I’m going to settle for annoying, poorly written characters.

Why Make Debbie Queer?

The first thing I want to address is why suddenly develop a WLW storyline for her. Given that Debbie started as a little girl on the show, this gives the writers a lot of opportunity to give a character like that interesting storylines because she does not yet have a solid personality. It gives writers the liberty to take her story anywhere they want to without the constraints of established character because she, as a person, is still developing into adulthood. The show runners unfortunately dropped the ball with this.

From season 4 and onwards was when Debbie began showing interest in dating, sex, and romance having just turned the corner to puberty. From then up until season 9, she has shown exclusive interest in men. It isn’t until Alex the welder that Debbie deviates from this path. Alex is portrayed as a stud who confuses Debbie. I am inclined to believe that Debbie was originally attracted to her because she was masculine and therefore close enough to the people Debbie had previous experience with.

This arc was treated very much as Debbie experimenting with her sexuality, something that Alex also ends up realizing after Debbie tells her that having sex with a girl is “not that bad” and “like having sex with yourself” (S9E4). Once this storyline wrapped up (with Debbie shouting “you make me want cock again”) the writers powered through, adamant about Debbie now being a lesbian.

I have two theories as to why they’ve been fighting so hard for her queerness.

1) This was around the time that Cam was leaving Shameless. This obviously didn’t end up happening, but I was under the impression that the writers were freaking out at losing their token gay character and needed to fill that position. When Cam ended up staying, they were stuck with a queer Debbie storyline and decided to just go with it.

2) Shameless was planning on doing a WLW storyline regardless of Cam’s choice to leave and were originally going to give it to Fiona and her lesbian tenant that she had a close relationship and a lot of chemistry with, but Emmy Rossum wanted to move on from Shameless, and so they pivoted and gave the arc to Debbie, a character that was not supposed to be moved in that direction and so her new sexuality seemingly came out of nowhere. Fiona as a bisexual character would have made sense. Debbie still does not.

Shameless’s Awkward Relationship With Bisexuality

One of the biggest issues I have with Debbie is her insistence on being a lesbian. Lesbianism doesn’t come out of nowhere. Bisexuality, however, can. When you grow up being told that you are supposed to feel attraction to men, and you genuinely do feel attraction to men (which Debbie has expressed in past seasons/episodes) it’s easy to ignore your attraction to women and write it off as something that either isn’t a big deal, or something that isn’t there. It’s a lot more confusing than being strictly at one end of the spectrum. It would have been so much more believable if they had simply made Debbie bisexual. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t because the show has a history with bi erasure.

Bisexuality has been treated badly all throughout Shameless, used as a vengeful plot device back in the earlier seasons where Monica was only ever with women when unmedicated. Then in Season 7 when Ian’s boyfriend Caleb cheated on him with a woman (enforcing the stereotype of bisexuals being unfaithful) Ian, possibly acting out of anger or ignorance, said things like “only women are bisexual. When a man says he’s bisexual he’s really just gay”. The only semi positive bisexual representation on the show was Svetlana and Vee when they were in a poly relationship with Kev (though I also think that storyline wasn’t handled as well as it could’ve been).

This fight against the bisexual label in media is not a new one but it is also a harmful stance to take when writing a sexually fluid character. Debbie declaring that she is, in fact, a lesbian after waxing poetic about how Matty had a big dick and Derek had a great body and knew what he was doing is not the way to go. 

You could argue that Debbie, like many other queer women, is an unfortunate victim of compulsory heterosexuality, but frankly I don’t think the writers are well versed enough in queer theory for that to be a possibility.

Debbie as The White Feminist

Debbie is the pinnacle of white feminism. It’s an unfortunate thought that has occurred to me a few times throughout the show. She talks a big game as a man hater and someone after the equal treatment of women but she herself participates in a lot of problematic and anti feminist behavior.

For one, she r*ped Matty back in season 5 when he was blacked out and unconscious. This was a point in the story that was glossed over and one where she suffered no repercussions other than Matty no longer wanting to be around her. It was explained in the show that Debbie didn’t realize what she did was wrong until after she was explicitly told so because she was maybe 14 when it happened (not 100% on the age Shameless is very inconsistent about timelines). It was treated as somewhat of a punchline, something that Shameless has unfortunately done more than once when referring to male sexual assault (Mickey’s r*pe, Liam in season 10 ((i think??)) and in this latest season, Carl) but that is a different topic. 

There was also the time in which she lied to her boyfriend about being on birth control so she could trap him into a relationship with pregnancy (which also counts as r*pe!!) Good on Derek for getting out of that.

Debbie has also been pro-life in the past. Now I understand this was when Fiona was pressuring her into aborting her pregnancy, and as a pro choicer myself, I believe that Debbie was fully in her right to have bodily autonomy and go through with the pregnancy. This isn’t where the issue lies. It’s when Fiona finds out that she too is pregnant and tells Debbie that she wants an abortion that Debbie accuses her of “killing her baby”. Again, her behavior could be explained by her age given that Debbie was still a young teen during this time.

When her actions as a White Feminist become less excusable is mostly in the latest season. Her relationship with Sandy is one that I’m not really happy with because Debbie doesn’t deserve her.

Recently, it has been revealed that Sandy is actually married to a man and has a son. It’s explained that she was basically married off against her will at the age of 15 to a man twice her age. This implies that the product of the marriage, her son, was most likely conceived through dubious consent (or worse) at the hands of an adult when she was just a kid. Just because Debbie thinks that Sandy’s husband “seems nice” does not give her the right to try and make a victim of grooming feel bad about not wanting to be with her abuser. While I understand that Sandy’s son has no fault in how he came into the world, I’m still gonna side with Sandy when it comes to having to take care of a child she didn’t want and who is most likely a source of trauma for her. It’s not difficult to sympathize with Sandy and see that she’s clearly gone through something fucked up and Debbie, despite claiming to love and support her, AND despite her dumb white feminist arc about wanting equal pay and all that jazz, turns her back on the girls supporting girls aspect of feminism.

This isn’t even mentioning how shitty it was to just leave Franny by herself and assume that one of her siblings would take her to school and pick her up and stuff as if they don’t all have separate lives. She talks a lot about being a good mother but decided to “let off some steam” by fucking off to a gay bar to get loaded on coke and fuck a gay man (which wtf thats not a thing that really happens with casual coke but whatever I guess). Once she realized she fucked up, instead of taking responsibility she decided to paint herself as the victim as well as spew offensive bullshit about how she “probably has AIDS now” because of her sexual encounter with a gay man. No lesbian in their right fucking mind would ever say that because as members of the LGBTQ+ community, you are at least a tiny bit informed as to how devastating and tragic the AIDS crisis was for queer people.

(I also have an issue with how Debbie capitalized on her felony as a sex offender and her sexuality to start her Hot Lesbian Convict business but I think that’s enough said.)

Blame the writers

The show got almost an entirely new cast of writers after season 7 which is why the show feels more like a sitcom with low stakes and no consequences rather than a drama, but if there is a queer writer on the team it’s not very evident. Even the better half of the queer relationship story, Ian and Mickey, I don’t feel has really been done justice since the change in writers. It’s just become painfully obvious that the actress is a straight girl playing a gay character (not to mention I have never seen any chemistry between her and all of her female love interests). I don’t fault Emma Kenney (the actress) for this. I actually really like her as a person and I like the videos she makes about the cast and such, and I think she does her best with the script she’s given. My complaints with Debbie are targeted entirely towards the writers.

This brings me to my final point. I need them to let Debbie be alone. Her whole thing for the second half of the season has been that she clearly has abandonment issues and is afraid of being alone. It’s why she’s so adamant about keeping the house and fighting with Lip about it (I’m actually on Debbie’s side for that one but that’s besides the point). They had her and Sandy break up which leaves Debbie to spiral further into her loneliness. From a writing point of view, it makes sense to take this opportunity to give her an arc in which she can overcome that and feel comfortable with herself so that she can move on as an adult instead of jumping into a new relationship. This is especially true since this is quite literally the last season ever of the show and any character development needs to be wrapped up. Introducing a new character out of nowhere does not give the viewers enough time to actually get invested in the new relationship. It’s also unfair to Debbie’s character because her arc is going to feel incomplete.

Anyway,,,,,,uuuhhhhh,,,,,feel free to add on if u want lmao

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Rewatching the Thanksgiving episode, I’m once again in awe of how I discover something new every time I revisit. Ian and Fiona have such different methods of addressing Debbie’s concerns, and this is the first time I’ve noticed how Ian looks at Fiona.

Fiona doesn’t try to explain to Debbie that Monica is mentally ill. She doesn’t even mention that there’s something influencing Monica’s behavior. Instead, she says being in bed for days is “just what she does” like it’s a choice and that they need to leave her alone. Obviously, Fiona is going through a rough time as a result of Monica’s behavior: she lost her club chances, the squirrel fund for winter is gone, and it was up to her to put the house back together. That’s not even mentioning the conflict between her and Lip.

Ian watches this. The camera strategically returns to him to catch his reaction and capture his expression. The part I missed was that it wasn’t just a matter of wanting to comfort Debbie, from the looks of it. His eyes dart to Fiona every time she makes light of the situation, and he looks put out when she discounts the fact that Monica is sick.

This is right after Monica tried to be there for him, taking him to the club and helping him enlist. Arguably, he’s feeling lonely as hell: Mickey is gone (and he feels at fault for it), and Lip is keeping his distance. It’s so interesting to see how Ian’s entire demeanor changes as a result, as this tendency to give her the benefit of the doubt and stick his neck out for her didn’t exist prior to that. He’s already attached at the worst possible time, and that’s so heartbreaking.

[lovelivresse]

A non-exhaustive list of reasons why Baz needs therapy

those are only the examples I could think of when I wrote this, there are probably other things

That boy is suicidal or “I don’t have a death wish” my ass or RAINBOW PLS ADDRESS THIS 

“Stake through the heart?” he asked, falling back into the corner and resting an arm on a pile of skulls. “Beheading, perhaps? That only works if you keep my head separate from my body, and even then I could still walk; my body won’t stop until it finds my head.… Better go with fire, Snow, it’s the only solution.” (Carry On, Chapter 17) Baz… Baby… You know too much about how to kill a vampire. Also, talking about the boy he loves killing him, and genuinely believing that the boy he loves would kill him… not cool

“She would have killed me.

She would have faced me, what I am, and done what was right.” 

and “He will … Finish me.

Snow will do the right thing.” (Carry On, Chapter 40) He thinks of him dying as something that’s “right” TWICE, and also the whole being killed by loved ones thing… Baz you need a hug

[about the fire] “This is what I deserve” (Carry On, Chapter 60) NO IT’S NOT 

“I could hear him singing, even after I’d been walking for ten minutes. “Ashes, ashes—we all fall down.” (Carry On, Chapter 17) This one doesn’t really count, it just hurts my feelings that the part of the song Baz is singing that is highlighted is the one about ASHES. 

So in conclusion, after his LITERAL SUICIDE ATTEMPT it’s never addressed again that he has some serious suicidal tendencies. He says he doesn’t have a death wish and that’s all, it’s completely overlooked after that when CLEARLY, he HAS a death wish.

Fucked up things that seem to have impacted him the most or you think that Fiona is a better parental figure for Baz than Malcom but she isn’t really, Baz is just biased

“I know fuck-all about vampires. It’s not like I got an instruction pamphlet when I was bitten.” (Carry On, Chapter 30) A BIG part of who he is is completely unknown to him. As seen before, what he knows best about vampires is how to kill them. On top of that, even the things he thinks are true about vampires aren’t necessarily (Lamb can bite a human without killing or turning them) and he gets mixed signals (Nicodemus seems to age normally while Lamb is something like hundreds of years old and he still looks like he’s in his thirties)

“I don’t think my father ever would have mentioned it, even if he’d caught me draining the maid [...] Though he’d much prefer to catch me disrobing the maid.… (Definitely more disappointed in my queerness than my undeadness.)” (Carry On, Chapter 40) Malcolm’s complete lack of acknowledgement of Baz’s vampirism + Baz thinking that his sexuality is even a bigger deal to his father than his vampirism. He has those two things that are both parts of his identity that he didn’t choose and that are both considered to be something bad by his father, that CAN’T be easy and it definitely caused him a lot of shame and self-hatred. We have the point of view of 18-year-old Baz, I’m not sure he would be nearly as okay with his sexuality as he is if we were in the head of the Baz who just came out/thinks of coming out to his father

“My father never acknowledges that I’m a vampire—besides my flammability—and I know he’ll never send me away because of it.

But my mother?

She would have killed me.

She would have faced me, what I am, and done what was right.” (Carry On, Chapter 40) Once again, Malcolm’s complete lack of acknowledgement of Baz’s vampirism + the fact that Baz thinks his mother would have KILLED HIM if she knew he was a vampire. 

“He swings his wand and practically howls, spraying fire all around us. “This is what my mother would want for me, you idiot. [...] “My mother died killing vampires,” he says. “And when they bit her, she killed herself. It’s the last thing she did. If she knew what I am … She would never have let me live.” (Carry On, Chapter 60) Natasha wanting him dead because of his vampirism is something that’s mentioned again after chapter 40, here in chapter 60, which shows that 1) the opinion his mother would have of him really matters to him 2) he believes this opinion would have been VERY negative 3) he doesn’t even CONSIDER the option that his mother might have loved him enough to accept that he had been turned

“My father still isn’t ready to admit I have a boyfriend, and it would be too exhausting, living in a place where I have to pretend I’m not a vampire or hopelessly queer.” (Carry On, Epilogue) Malcolm please stop ignoring most of who your son is I’m begging you

I also wanted to say a few words about Fiona because I feel like in general we (as in, the fandom) really see Malcolm’s bad behavior towards Baz but not Fiona’s, while she’s also far from perfect. She saved him from the Numpties, that’s a good thing, that’s what we see, but look : “She berated me all the way home, and all the way back to Watford. She made me sit in the back seat of her MG. (A ’67. Glorious.) “The front seat is for people who’ve never been kidnapped by bloody numpties. Jesus Christ, Baz.” 

The front seat thing is a joke now but when you really think about it and when you focus on that whole paragraph and not just Fiona’s words, this is the situation that is presented : Baz just spent 6 WEEKS locked in a coffin, starved, not knowing what would happen to him, and instead of, I don’t know, TRYING TO COMFORT HIM, his aunt “berates” him, as if he was the one to blame in this situation. Jesus Christ, Fiona, give the boy a hug and ask him if he’s okay instead. 

And then there’s this : “Then the Coven made her a vampire hunter” (Carry On, Epilogue) That part would have fit better in the 3rd category but since I’m talking about Fiona let’s put it here. SHE LITERALLY KILLS VAMPIRES AS A JOB. I love Fiona but it makes me so angry whenever I think about it. I don’t know, I feel like a NORMAL PERSON wouldn’t become a VAMPIRE HUNTER when their nephew IS A VAMPIRE. That must fuck Baz up so bad that she does that, even if he doesn’t even realize it himself, and I hate that the impact of Fiona killing vampires for a living on Baz isn’t tackled at all.

So in conclusion, Baz thinks that is father is disappointed in him for existing, basically, he thinks that his mother would have wanted him dead AND KILLED HIM for what he is, and then there’s Fiona

Other fucked up things that are just barely mentioned or RAINBOW PLS ADDRESS THIS part 2

“He slipped a flask out of his jacket and took a swig. I didn’t know that he’d been drinking” (Carry On, Chapter 17) Baz was drinking. Was it a one time thing? Did Simon somehow catch him the ONE time he got drunk in the Catacombs? If it was not the first time he went there and got drunk, did he have a problem with alcohol in fifth year? I NEED ANSWERS 

“Of course I’ve read Anne Rice. I was a 15-year-old closet case whose parents pretended they didn’t notice when the family dog disappeared” (Wayward Son, Chapter 22) Once again, his family doing a poor job when it comes to handling his vampirism but we've been over this. INSTEAD CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE FED ON HIS DOG, AN ANIMAL THAT HE VERY PROBABLY LOVED, BUT THE BLOODTHIRST WAS JUST TOO STRONG TO RESIST???????? It must have been so difficult and traumatizing for him, and it’s just dropped like that in the story like it’s nothing while I’m over here crying about it

[walkerismychoice]

Unwritten (Raleigh X MC AU)  - Chapter 1

Book: Platinum

Pairing: M!Raleigh X MC

Rating: This series will contain mature themes. Any necessary warnings will be listed before each chapter, but the overall series rating is 18+

Note: So I've been trying to come out of my unofficial writing hiatus for quite some time. Leave it to @choicesarehard​ having a birthday to get me to jump right back in with a whole series. This is an AU, and although some of the story follows along with parts of the book, there are major deviations as well. If anyone wishes to be tagged in future chapters, please let me know.

Word Count: 1369

Happy Birthday (belated) birthday @choicesarehard​!

Master List

"Ms. Campbell?"

"Huh?" Aria snaps out of her meditative trance. It feels as if she' been waiting for hours, but she's been too nervous to keep track of the time. "I mean, yes, that's me."

The young but already hardened looking executive assistant seems unimpressed as she gives Aria the once over, lips pressed in a thin line. "Mr. Knight will see you now."

Aria self-consciously smooths her pencil skirt and tugs at her thrift store blazer. What is she doing here trying to pretend she belongs amongst this designer-clad crowd? Just days ago she was working in a smoothie shop, and now she's meeting with Ellis Knight, owner of Overnight Records and probably the biggest name in the business. She hesitates, telling herself this is the last chance to turn around and run back out the door, but finds the courage to move forward following the assistant through Ellis's office door.

Aria had always dreamed of a career in music. With her parents both being music teachers, her musical talent and interest have come naturally. As much as they had encouraged her to follow in their footsteps and go the practical route, it wasn’t her dream. Singing and songwriting have always been her passion. However after multiple rejections and being stuck working a mall job, she’d been beginning to think her parents were right when fate stepped up to the smoothie shop counter in the form of pop-star Avery Wilshire. Too stunned to speak, she’d been mortified when her coworker and best friend Shane gushed about Avery being Aria’s musical idol and slipped him a piece of paper with the link to her YouTube channel. The only way it could have been worse would have been if she’d been wearing the store’s banana costume. She’d gone to bed replaying the embarrassing exchange over and over in her head, but it had been all but forgotten when she woke up to her notifications blowing up after Avery followed her on Instagram and shared one of her music videos. Several phone calls and one week later, and now she’s here in Ellis Knight’s office surrounded by important-looking people, wondering if this could be the start of something big.

“Ms. Campbell,” Ellis begins as he shakes her hand and they all sit down. He’s even better looking in person than in pictures with his perfect, bright white, probably veneered teeth and neatly coiffed, dark silver-gray hair, making him all the more intimidating, even if he is old enough to be her father. “I’ll cut right to the chase. I’ve listened to your demos and you have a raw talent; that’s undeniable.”

“Thank you, Mr Eliis,” Aria blushes.

“...But, I don’t see us being able to sell you as a mainstream artist.”

Aria’s heart sinks to her stomach and she’s wondering why he brought her here just for another rejection. ”Okay, well thank-”

“Wait, let me finish,” Ellis insists. “I meant yet. You do have potential, and that’s why you��re here. But like I said, your talent is raw and you need time to develop, and time is money in the music industry. While you aren’t ready to make it on your own yet, paired with the right artist, you could have hits on the radio in no time.”

“So what are you saying? You want someone else to sing my songs?”

“Not exactly. We have an artist that’s struggling, in more ways than one, to finish out the last album in his contract.”

“You can’t be serious!” A petite woman with a sleek black bob and striking blue eyes interjects. “Her style is all wrong for him.” 

“Fiona...” Ellis warns.

She shoots Aria a mildly apologetic glance. “No offense.”

Once he says her name, it sparks her memory, It’s Fiona Syed, manager of Avery Wilshire among other big names. Aria tries to play it cool. “None taken...I guess. I’m not even sure who we are talking about.”

Ellis clears his throat. “Unfortunately due to the need for discretion, you won’t know who this artist is until after the contract is signed. Like Fiona said, your style does not quite mesh with this artist, but there are elements there. As mentioned, we can’t use any of your current songs for him, but together, I think you could create something with real mass appeal.”

None of this makes sense. Why all the secrecy, and why her? Aria has so many questions. "What are the terms of the contract?”

----

On the way to the beach house, it all seems so surreal. Aria has agreed to spend the summer holed up with an unknown artist in an undisclosed location writing songs. At least Fiona, now also her manager, will be there. Wow, just even thinking about having her own manager feels so weird. Despite their rocky start, Fiona has been polite and professional, if not exactly warm towards Aria. Her chest flutters as they approach the light blue, cape cod style home on a secluded area stretch of Atlantic beachfront. Knowing that Fiona is also Avery’s manager has Aria both excited and terrified that he could be the mystery artist.

Aria steps out of the car just as a black Escalade with dark tinted windows approaches.

Fiona holds out her hand. “Give me your phone.” Picking up on Aria’s confused expression, she elaborates. “Remember the contract? We can’t risk anyone finding out about the location or who’s here. Streams of fan-girls traipsing along the beach trying to get pictures will not bode well for productivity.”

“Yes, that’s right.” It’s a little annoying because it’s not like Aria would break the contract even if she had access to her phone, and she’s most definitely going to feel like an appendage is missing the first couple days, but she gets it. She knows from her days in the Avery Wilshire fandom on Tumblr just how crafty those fan-girls can be. They can give the CIA and FBI a run for their money. Even one non-descript photo could lead to their location being found out. 

Aria has little time to grieve the loss of her phone before the Escalade stops and the back door opens up. She reflexively stops breathing as the figure emerges and has to make a conscious effort to pick her jaw up off the floor. It's not the sandy blond, squeaky clean, heartthrob she was expecting. Quite the opposite, in fact. Raleigh Carerra, the tattooed, dark, smoldering-eyed, hotel room-destroying, Puerto-Rican boyband member turned solo R&B artist, has an image that’s far from wholesome. Not that she’s a puritan saint herself, but she now see’s why Fiona had objected to Aria writing with him. What could they possibly have in common, musically or otherwise?

“There’s no fucking signal out here.” Raleigh holds his phone up, seemingly searching for service.

Fiona reaches up on her tiptoes and snatches the phone out of his hand. “Good thing you won’t be needing one anyway.”

"Hey, give that back. I need to let everyone know where the party is tonight since nobody would tell me the address before we got here." Raleigh reaches for his phone just as Fiona tosses it to the Escalade driver, an imposing figure in a navy suit and dark sunglasses.

"Hank...C'mon man," Raleigh pleads.

Hank slips the phone in his suit pocket and crosses his arms across his chest, face fixed in a stone-like expression.

"Fine, but we'll be discussing this later. Where are the guys? How am I supposed to write without my team?"

Fiona rolls her eyes. "Seeing as you've been working with them for months and all you have to show for it is a lot of late night partying and charges for property damage, we figured a new approach was needed. Meet your new writing partner, Aria Campbell.

Aria smiles sheepishly as Raleigh seems to notice her for the first time. He smirks ever so slightly, before his lips turn downward and his eyes narrow.

"What, am I supposed to write a fucking Kidz Bop album or something now? I'm sure you're lovely, sweetheart, but this isn't going to work. Hank, take me back home." Raleigh gets into the back seat of his car and slams the door shut.

[kellylewis]

Blog Entry #3 – Representations of Class in Shameless

Making Ends Meet

     The Gallagher’s are a working-class family, barely making ends meet. Luckily, they have a house, and even though it may appear dirty, run-down, and small for the number of people living there, it works. To give some more context, the six kids and on occasion Frank, Monica, and some stragglers all share one bathroom. Also, the four boys: Lip, Ian, Carl, and Liam all share one bedroom. However, none of the Gallagher’s are ever shown complaining about their living situation because, as a working-class family, they don’t know anything better. At the same time, they are aware it could be worse: living on the streets of Chicago.

Watch this video, which gives a behind the scenes look at the sets, such as the Gallagher house. Notice how detailed the props are and how that reflects the personalities of the characters in Shameless. For example, the set designer points out how Veronica and Kevin use what they have for baby proofing in their house because they don’t have a lot of money: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALNddBH_osM

     One may wonder, if none of the Gallagher’s have a “real” or full-time job, how do they afford a house? Well, the house belongs to Frank’s aunt, known as “Aunt Ginger.” In season three, Aunt Ginger dies, and in episode eight, during the funeral, viewers are introduced to Patrick Gallagher, Frank’s cousin, who fights Fiona for ownership of the house. The argument over the house is a critical storyline in season three, but after many physical disputes between Patrick and the Gallagher kids, they can keep the house. The article “What’s the best show about poverty, crime and crazy sex? It’s ‘Shameless’” reveals another reason why the house in the Southside of Chicago is the main setting of the show. John Wells, the showrunner, explained how he resisted suggestions to set the show in a trailer park because “That is too often American TV’s answer to what white poverty must look like, rife with yokel cliches” (Stuever). The house setting was a strategic move in attempting not to over stereotype class structure in television.

Photo above shows Patrick Gallagher

Photo above is the outside of the Gallagher house (Fun fact: you can visit this house in Chicago! The address is 2119 South Homan Ave, Chicago, IL, 60623) 

     In the journal article “A Model for Quantitatively Analyzing Representations of Social Class in Screen Media,” categories of class: working, middle, and upper are said to be determined by occupation, income, one’s dependence on a job to make ends meet, and lifestyle indicators such as material possessions” (Behm-Morawitz et al. 211). First, let’s examine the Gallagher’s occupations and income because they go hand in hand. Since most of the kids are young and still in school, it is hard to have a job and make a decent living. And, as English Taylor explains in her article “How 'Shameless' Reinvented the Working-Class-Family TV Show,” Frank, the father, is an alcoholic who spends his days and money getting drunk, thus not contributing to the family financially (Taylor). This leaves Fiona, the oldest sibling, as the primary provider. As mentioned in a previous blog post, Fiona has done it all from being a maid, nightclub waitress, cleaning up toxic waste, owning a laundromat, and more. Also, Fiona’s office job at a cup company in season three is most noteworthy because she could receive health-care benefits. The other kids try their best to contribute. To name a few of the unique ways in which the Gallagher kids have made money: Debbie ran a daycare, Lip and Kevin bought an ice cream truck to sell pot out of, Carl was a fryer at Captain Bob’s restaurant, and Ian was a nightclub stripper. Using all these odd end jobs, the Gallagher children contribute to the squirrel fund, which is basically a place to put all their money to use to pay for bills and groceries.

The Gallagher’s take their squirrel fund very seriously, even the youngest kids contribute. Watch this video to see a scene about the squirrel fund in which Lip and Fiona fight about the spending of the money: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As_ccwaOgqw

     Overall, the representation of the class structure on Shameless is reasonably accurate. Although the writers of the show use comedy to cover up the hard realities of barely having enough money to survive, they don’t gloss over the hardships. The use of humor is not far-fetched from reality, in which some people use jokes as coping methods for their situations. Compared to the content analysis, which found that 67% of the 302 characters coded were part of the middle class and only 11% of characters made up the working class, Shameless is an exception (Behm-Morawitz et al. 215). The writers of Shameless are clearly trying to represent the underrepresented working class. Taylor does an excellent job in encapsulating the way Shameless portrays class, stating, “Through a pioneering blend of comedy and raw disclosure, Shameless successfully connects audiences to a more real American actuality—a noteworthy and rare accomplishment in the history of the working-class sitcom” (Taylor). In the end, I would argue that Shameless is an inclusive show in which anyone can watch and feel like they relate. Even those not part of the working class may have gone through financial struggles in the past or know someone else who is dealing with that issue.  

Here are some images of the Gallagher’s in various jobs:

Citations:

Behm-Morawitz, Elizabeth, et al. “A Model for Quantitatively Analyzing Representations of Social Class in Screen Media.” Communication Research Reports, vol. 35, no. 3, July 2018, pp. 210–221. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/08824096.2018.1428544.

Stuever, Hank. “What's the Best Show about Poverty, Crime and Crazy Sex? It's 'Shameless.'.” The Washington Post, 7 Jan. 2016, www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/tv/whats-the-best-show-about-poverty-crime-and-crazy-sex-its-shameless/2016/01/07/caaaacf8-b1c9-11e5-9ab0-884d1cc4b33e_story.html.

Taylor, English. “How 'Shameless' Reinvented the Working-Class-Family TV Show.” The Atlantic, 10 Feb. 2012, www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/02/how-shameless-reinvented-the-working-class-family-tv-show/252851/.

[mosswolf]

TMA Shrek AU

Since no context blog has exposed us, let me explain the Shrek au. @ceccilpalmer absolutely shares the blame for this one, please co-address the strongly worded letters,,,

So, Jon is Shrek, Martin is Fiona, Daisy is the dragon, Basira is Donkey, Elias is Lord Farquaad. Wait, hear me out...

Jon lives alone, shutting himself away in the Archives day in and day out. Technically, the Archives belong to Elias, but Jon never really thinks about it like that. Not until, that is...

Elias kills someone and dumps their body in the Archives, with a cryptic note about "flying the nest." Suddenly, Jon is a wanted man, and there's no one to speak positively for him because of the way he isolated himself so completely. He has no choice but to leave the Archives, or be arrested. He heads to find Elias.

On the way, he meets Basira. She's searching for the truth about the rumours of dragons, with a tenacity Jon can understand. They become reluctant, bickering friends.

When they confront Elias, he tells them the only way he'll even consider helping Jon is if Jon goes and steals the protégé of one Peter Lukas. This protégé has been locked in a tower guarded by a dragon for years uncounted, Elias tells them, and he goes on to mention "revenge for the last divorce", but neither Jon nor Basira are listening anymore, bc Jon's just been giving instructions on how to save his life, and Basira's just been given a clue to her mystery. They don't hesitate to take the quest.

The castle is cold and quiet and still. It's near impossible to believe there could be someone living there. Basira and Jon split up.

Basira, of course, encounters Daisy, the half feral protector of the castle. They fight, but are evenly matched, their minds working in the same way. Basira tries to reason with Daisy, and Daisy hasn't had anyone treat her like a human being for so, so long it startles her enough to stop attacking. Slowly, carefully, they become friends.

Meanwhile, Jon finds his way to the tallest tower. He almost doesn't see Martin Blackwood, but he does, and Martin seems surprised. We're here to save you, Jon says, and Martin just looks at him and says I can't be saved.

Martin still goes with them, though. He doesn't know why. (He's lonely, he’s so so lonely, but that’s hardly surprising, is it? he sacrificed himself to Peter Lukas so that his mother could live in luxury. she never thanked him for it, but that doesn’t change the fact he’s here for a reason. But if he’s been here so long he’s stopped caring about anything, there’s no reason to care about staying, is there? Martin drifts towards companionship with an unsteady heart.) 

Daisy and Basira meet Jon and Martin on the outskirts of the castle. Daisy and Jon fight, at first, but they bond during the escape from the castle that doesn’t seem to want to let them leave. Martin still isn’t really interacting with anyone, but when he sees the sky for the first time in years, he stares and smiles and Jon thinks oh no, he’s beautiful  

The journey back takes time and Martin is softly, gradually, learning how to care again. Jon is grumpy and awkward but he’s genuine, honest, none of the games and guilt trips that were Martin’s last interactions with people before his imprisonment. Martin likes Daisy and Basira, too, but with Jon it’s... different. 

But when they get back to Elias, Martin goes without complaint. He doesn’t deserve freedom, he’s still honouring his agreement, he doesn’t care enough to fight-- there’s a hundred reasons Martin uses to justify it to himself but really, deep down, he knows it’s because he’s scared. He’s scared of readjusting, having to deal with the world again, with all the pain and happiness that brings. It’s easier to stay gone..

But then he realises Elias is planning to kill him, going all the way to spite Peter Lukas. And Martin realises he doesn’t want to die. Fuck. He doesn’t want to die. So he fights, for the first time in as long as he can remember, he fights. 

Jon’s reached the Archives when he realises he’s made a huge mistake, leaving Martin in the clutches of Elias even if that’s what Martin seemed to want. Daisy and Basira have already gone their own way, but he races after them and they don’t seem surprised to see him, and they don’t need to decipher his gasping words to know what he wants them to do. They go to rescue Martin Blackwood. 

They find Martin wandering, shivering and alone, outside Elias’s domain, hiding from the guards sweeping the land to find him, trying to outrun the fog that’s trailing around him. He’s still, quiet, but when he sees Jon he just lights up and Jon reaches out for him,,, and when they kiss the fog fades and the sunshine pours out from behind the clouds and everything is golden. 

And They Live Happily Ever After Etc

thank u for your time, @ jonny sims i apologize

[surejo]

( victoria pedretti, cis woman ) hey ! have you seen JOSEPHINE “JO” CORMAC around ? SHE works at the HOT COCOA STAND at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 24 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO YEARS. they tend to be +OPTIMISTIC & +EMPATHETIC, but can also be -IMPRACTICAL & -PASSIVE. the other employees have labeled them THE IDEALIST. thanks a lot ! ( the few nights the stars can be seen, books worn down by dog-ears and marks left throughout the years, the first crisp breeze of autumn, the duality… of t.s. eliot ) 

OK. a few notes before i get started:

1) i hope everyone loves how i literally j copied my ivan stuff. url format? ‘sure jan’ lives on. theme? too lazy to find a different one that’s easy to work with. luv that for me. 2) speaking of this theme i forget if i addressed this on ivan’s blog but tabbed bullets don’t appear tabbed.... so if anything seems like it doesn’t make total sense.... it is supposed to be tabbed™. 3) get ready for drama!!!!! you may ask yourself “but the app looks so tame! there will be no drama!” but you are wrong........ because she loves cats. the t.s. eliot book......... the musical........ even the movie.

ok jo,, is also a resurrected character,,, hence how i already kno,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that she loves cats. anyway ! let’s begin ! (listen,,,, the intro format will at least be a little different from ivan’s ok im evolving)

QUICK FACTS:

full name: josephine “jo” rose cormac

date of birth: march 6, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: pisces sun, gemini moon, cancer rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: bachelor in english - literature that she is doing nothing with

enneagram: 2w1

mbti: infp

various inspirations: eleanor crain ( the haunting of hill house ), dolores price *as a child and towards the end of the book ( she’s come undone ), fox 8 ( fox 8: a story ), “why try to change me now?” - fiona apple (cover), “be still” - the killers

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: verbal/mental/emotional abuse/gaslighting, very slight implication of spousal abuse, brief mention of car accident/death & drowning

( ivan and jo’s breakout pop-punk single: “fuck happy backstories!” stream it on spotify ! )

jo......... was born into the wrong family, let’s get that out of the way.

it was pretty clear she was a ploy to save the marriage of her parents ( who have names: lucy and benjamin, luv that for them ). it didn’t seem like they’d ever picked up a parenting book, gone to a parenting class, rly prepped for being a parent at all...... in their entire lives.

that being said, her mom was actually decent at parenting. her major flaw, though? ok, so you know how kids usually have that one bedtime story that they love and want it to be read to them over and over? well lucy complied ! but y’all wanna know what that book was ?

t.s. eliot’s “old possum’s book of practical cats” whfeiuldjkn

anyway ! when jo was seven, after many failed attempts and simple threats, her mom was finally divorcing benjamin for realz. due to his volatile nature, it was becoming very clear that she was the more fit parent and she almost got sole custody ( the only reason benjamin was motivated for it in the first place was the power so?? )! how exciting!

but the keyword is ‘almost’!

alexa, play ‘my heart will go on’ but the off-tune flute version

just as the proceedings were going through, jo’s mother was hit by a drunk driver on new year’s eve. the car skidded onto some ice, minimal damage done... then the ice broke.

jo and benjamin both devolved after that. jo withdrew more into herself and pretty much coped by..... just reading old possum’s a LOT (hate that for her). all mopey, benjamin became much less outwardly violent. the keyword is ‘outwardly.’

ya, instead of j bein like “i will just chill” he was like “i will just make my rage more subtle because in this house, we love intimidation, manipulation, hostility, the blame game, and gaslighting! uwu” managed to convince jo that her mother’s death was somehow her fault, that he was the only person she could trust, that she will never be able to live without someone else, etc., etc.

a few years in and a cycle of many impromptu sleepovers began. luv that for her. hate that for her, but luv that for her. 

there is a lot i cld talk abt here, but it all seems like it cld j be tl;dr’d as: “basically became the surrogate daughter of a bunch of other people”

as for things that r not tragique™, jo was v much a drifter when it came to friends. managed to make a fair amount bc she does not seem like she will put a tadpole in ur hand like ivan. also j a people-pleaser but that’s starting to get into her personality which is another section.

did go to college. luv that for her. has NO CLUE what she’s going to do with her degree, but she can make some really sick niche william faulkner jokes. 

began seasonally working at big bear during the winter break of her last year in college because bitch needed some money!! wound up loving it and was like “i think,,,, i will continue to do this,,,, the people here,,,, r cul,,,,”

still visits benjamin every once in a while. not a way to say that uwu you should forgive ur abusive parent(s) uwu rather that jo.... still has slight belief in him. just to end on something emo.

THE REST IS HISTORY!!!!

TL;DR:

started life out as a saddie, not a baddie. still not a baddie, but no longer as much of a saddie. loves “cats” and there is no irony to that statement. can make good niche literary jokes, but that’s about it.

PERSONALITY/MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

a child. a literal child. a child to the point that she should have supervision when she goes on grocery trips because she falls for marketing ploys so easily. can’t believe she hasn’t fallen into a pyramid scheme yet.

an absolute dumbass. again, can make some great niche william faulkner jokes, but ask her the order of the planets? “...well mars is somewhere in there.”

unironically LOVES cats - both the musical and movie. thinks jennifer hudson’s grizabella is the best. will start sharing random facts about it or old possum’s book of practical cats if she runs out of things to talk about but feels pressured to keep talking. was broken when she first read a different t.s. eliot poem and realized he was actually super dark. the only thing that got her through it was a comparison to batman :\ bruce wayne is old possum’s, batman is everything else.

to take a brief break from fun personality facts, v down on herself bc benjamin’s words rly!! stuck with her!! convinced she is an absolute idiot and does not trust her own memory. v indecisive bc of this and always longs for someone to help her figure things out. tries to distance herself from memories of her mother because, again, benjamin got to her. her love of cats doesn’t help that, but... can you believe that’s her coping mechanism? makes up for it by giving all of her love 2 everyone else!! we love tragedy!! and needing to go to therapy!!

secretly knows her love of cats is weird and dumb. a part of her knows why it’s considered one of the worst musicals ever. but LISTEN. we luv rly weird coping mechanisms!

big dreamer. will develop the most impractical goals. she usually knows they are impractical, but still..... uwu

has decided everyone is good until proven bad! except for,,,, like,,, murderers and rapists,,,,

is #StraightEdge for the most part,,,, literally has a drink maybe three times per year

says “like” a whole lot for someone who majored in english with a concentration in literature and should therefore be more eloquent.

i am not great at these sections!! feel free 2 j refer to her zodiac, personality tests, and character influences!!

literally fox 8. i put the others there bc she’s similar but wow,,,, if u read fox 8 (it’s a short story i recommend it i luv george saunders u can find a pdf online),,,, she is fox 8. 

here u go here is a sample that doesnt need context: "Fox 4 woslike: No ofense, Fox 8? Your ideas are not super praktikal. Dreem, dreem, dreem, said Fox 11. Fox 41 woslike: Fox 8, does this honestly never get old for you?"

OH ALSO. she has a slet. a cat,,,,, named asparagus,,,, whom she calls “gus”,,,,, and y’all know WHY.

recent development: has downloaded tor so she can get on the dark web. why? because she thinks there will be more funny animal videos on there. is shockingly good at navigating it.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

close friends bc we luv that –– roman (nuanced), aylie (nuanced), hazel (nuanced), cleo (nuanced), vic (nuanced), marco (nuanced)

childhood friends whom she possibly had impromptu sleepovers with bc that is v soft and,,,,, y’all i left the city blank for a reason. –– hazel, marco, 

on that note, the person who was like “wait,,,,,,, u know that book was turned into a musical right,,,,,, like,,,,, a musical literally everyone knows” and shook jo’s world

good influence / bad influence –– cleo, vic, 

~*confidant*~

roommate

exes –– ian,

reciprocated pining

unreciprocated pining

someone..... who has accepted..... that she likes cats.... in a way that is not ironic. will see the movie with her. –– aylie, 

an enemy,,,,,, aka this person was like “cats is literally the worst thing in the entire world” and now they r on jo’s very short hit list –– riley

idk!!! im also obvs up for brainstorming!!! luv that!!!

** descriptive connections page is here ( only people who i’m messaging are on it, but i ?? would love to plot w everyone ?? so don’t make the short list make u think i’m trying 2 limit it 2 these ppl auhfoeidla )

LIKE THIS OR HMU TO PLOT !

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 1, Chapter 5

• I'm back! I missed doing these. It's fun taking a look at the beginning of this series knowing what lies ahead, especially when you can recall exactly what it felt like when you first read it.

• In the time it took for me to get back to doing this series, I decided to do a fail-play to answer a few questions I had about the series. I was dying guys I was dying. The secondhand embarrassment level was off the roof. Oh God. I hope I NEVER EVER have to do that again 😭

•

So you guys have already met my MC, Esther (If you haven't, she's the one on the left! She has a new hairstyle now though, she has the long hair with the braids on top. The big cream flower was clashing with everything). On the right is my Disaster!MC, Persephone. She romances Hana and when I say her crush is painfully obvious, I mean painfully.

• The last chapter I did a Book 1 QT for was Chapter 4, where a Liam stan could FINALLY dance with their Prince (and maybe sneak a kiss in the hedge maze if you spent the diamonds), and then meet Bertrand just minutes before he loses his shit completely and almost drags the name of his own House in the mud (why you so stupid, Bertrand)

• We're attending a horse race, so obvious title will be obvious. It's Off To the Races.

• A Day At The Races would have been better, because Queen xD

• So apparently it's now the day of the Derby, and we either go for the press-friendly runway-worthy gown, the modern one that'll catch the eye of Queen Regina, or...uniboob (yes, uniboob. I have painfully huge ones and I get even more conscious of them in outfits like that one 😣).

It's kinda interesting that Drake-dislike is the default for the MC at this point. But I also think it's also a good strategy to ease the reader (and their MC) into this association with him. You have this best friend who has a painful insider/outsider relationship to Court, has a massive chip over his shoulder, is trying really hard not to soften to this strange woman his best friend likes, has this painful past he's reluctant to share with anyone.

• While Hana's and Liam's first diamond scenes emerge very early and from a place of concern (because they have already established themselves in the narrative as likeable to this MC) Drake is the kind of person that takes some getting used to. If you tried to sell me a sob story about his sister shortly after he made sexist, classist comments about me on a plane, my first instinct would be to flip the bird at him and save my diamonds.

So instead he's given a bodyguard-type role with you, then you can choose to tease him mercilessly during that cronut excursion, then he thaws a little more towards you at Lythikos...leaving that field open to him finally opening up to you (via diamonds) when his Savannah-related wounds are reopened. The reader gets a chance to feel differently about him, ergo invested enough in him to pay diamonds for that scene.

• Esther will drag Bertrand mercilessly behind his back since Bertrand has no qualms doing the same. Sauce for goose, sauce for gander. So yes she responds to "how will you address Bertrand?" with "Hey you".

•

Unless he's around Savannah, then he has one at the moments he least intends to.

• NOW Maxwell tells us what the house and duchy name is. Now! You had enough time to tell me this last night dude!

• Bertrand comes to us to figure out our progress in terms of learning etiquette, and Maxwell and the MC prove to him that they've covered the basics. Which Bertrand brushes off as protocol that can be brushed off as stuff you can get on an internet search.

Me Back Then: Oh sorry I can't process information in the speed of light, bro 😒

Me Now: You know, Bertrand, if you'd just spent less time poring over Maxwell's scrapbook for the raciest photos...and actually spent more time sitting down and teaching me protocol, you wouldn't be grinding your teeth at me today.

•

So Persephone fell for Olivia's little lie and kissed King Constantine's shoe. Looks like the court had a field day with that because it gets mentioned to her twice. Once from Maxwell before she goes to see Liam, and once now, from Bertrand, who has just heard about her disaster of a performance and now cannot trust Maxwell with coaching her.

• Bertrand decides to test exactly how prepared we are with a small test. After a round of greeting, he takes our hand with his right hand, and gives it a courtly kiss (in this universe, the proper way is to take the lady's offered hand with your left hand, otherwise it is viewed as an insult). We're supposed to figure out what he did wrong. If we do give him the right answer, he is happy about our observational skills but demands that the MC not become too complacent since she's "ever only one mistake away from a scandal".

What does interest me are the exchanges that come out of the wrong responses:

"Didn't Bow" brings into play the hierarchy that the nobility maintains. Bowing here is viewed as a sign of respect to someone of a higher rank, and though the MC is now a lady by virtue of her sponsors, she is still regarded as a commoner. There is the joke response, "Didn't Address Me As Your Highness", which Bertrand hardly graces with a response besides highlighting the MC's 'arrogance'. The common thread is this exchange, though:

I think this gives us a tiny insight into how much ground the MC has to cover in understanding the society she is trying to become a part of. The last two chapters we had Liam and the other competitors, to help us understand exactly what we were up against - this time we're grappling with the reality of all the people we will need to please (in one day, we have to pretty much win the favour of both the Queen and the press). The MC has to not only familiarize herself with how she should behave but also be aware of the signals other people send. And she isn't exactly going to get a lot of help at this stage, not when the men sponsoring her have their own problems and are viewing her experience from the eyes of people who have grown up in Cordonia.

•

LMAO @ the MC's shit-eating grin the minute they say "limo" 😂

• So we're on our way to Honeyhill Downs on a limo, and since we need to deal with the press the moment I get out, the Beaumonts now try to convince us to impress the press.

• Book 1 is about this commoner woman schmoozing among the elite and trying to fit in, so really the only people who are seen (unless they're Drake) are the nobles. This is understandable in the first two books, where MC is kind of the underdog - not so much in the later books. You never get to see actual commoners who live in houses and walk on the streets until Book 3, and even then it is a fleeting glimpse. Anyway, the narrative attempts to bridge this gap by making the press the representative of the people.

• Bertrand and Maxwell now give us advice on tackling the press: we'll be asked easy questions (basically to figure out who we are and create a story around us accordingly), and then hardball questions about the country, how you'll be as a potential royal, and most importantly - Cordonian apples. The MC is confused at first but agrees to roll with it.

• The moment the MC mentions that the Derby area looks like a fair, Bertrand says "this isn't a county fair where you weigh pigs and eat pie". Between this and the Downton Abbey reference the next chapter, I'm pretty sure Bertrand was created initially to lend the image of Cordonia a bit of an "old world" appeal - given that he and Maxwell are the nobles we most regularly interact with in the first two books.

• Now comes the part I'm most excited about! Our actual first press interview. It's separated into two categories: easy questions (Donnie Brine) and hardball ones (Ana de Luca)

•

Donnie Brine: You know how in reality shows you hear about the importance of spinning a 'story'? How to get the audience's sympathy, sometimes your 'story' can get you where your talent may not (in fact, a few weeks ago Fiona Syed was saying just that to the MC when they were auditioning for "One in A Million" in Platinum!). Well, that's why we have Donnie Brine of the CBC (Cordonia Broadcasting Center). He's here so we can choose and carve our own narrative. So depending on our answers, we will get a moniker that will be carried forward throughout this book, and briefly referenced in the next:

1. The Mystery Woman: The answers suited for this option are 'A mystery' (when asked who you are) and optionally 'Liam couldn't figure me out' (when asked why you're the Prince's favourite). She is literally someone who emerged out of nowhere, and apparently sets herself apart from the other suitors by not being too open about her background.

2. The American: She can call herself the "lone American wolf", and optionally also mention that Liam and she shared a love for the Statue of Liberty. This spin on the MC's story highlights her "difference" in terms of foreignness and unfamiliarity with the country, which can be a challenge but also could wound up making her eventual triumph that much sweeter. In a very good playthrough especially, she will be the foreigner that embraced the customs and traditions, and fit in perfectly despite the odds.

3. The Everywoman: Now for a very long time I thought the responses in this one would yield a negative reaction from Donnie, but turns out thankfully it doesn't!! You need to choose both "just a regular woman, like many out there" and "I was his waitress". I also noticed an interesting difference about this that I will expand on later. But the point is that The Everywoman is as good a choice as any tbh, refers to her commoner origins and positions her as someone who can connect with the people.

Ana de Luca: Throughout the series, and for a half of Book 2, she's the tougher interviewer. She works with Trend, a fashion and celeb news magazine - and because of her already-established fashion credentials (introduced in MW as fashion designer) - becomes the mediaperson that compliments you on wearing the dress Olivia recommended.

Besides this, a lot of the political, country-related questions esp in Book 1, tend to come from her. She asks you your thoughts on Cordonia as a newcomer, how you would fare as a ruler and the inevitable question on apples. This is the interview that could affect your early popularity if you fail it, because any response you choose for Donnie Brine's (including showing the silly face for his photo), will work out alright. If you fail this one, the press largely ignore you to focus on the next candidate before you can even say "goodbye".

Me Back Then (hovering over options for the press photo): OMG OMG OMG don't press silly face don't press silly face don't -

Me Now (shamelessly clicking over aforementioned silly face): So Donnie doesn't mind my silly face at the Derby but will suddenly be ZOMG SCANDALIZED by it at the Regatta? HMM 🤔

• We now move towards the tents, except that Maxwell told us the wrong colour. Was he so distracted by the pinkness of the (optional) diamond outfits that he blurted out that colour instead?

• We end up in a stable with a horse that's as scared of us as we are of her.

• Drake jumps into temporary-bodyguard duty and saves...the horse.

• There are two ways you can respond to this: either focus on the fact that Drake saved you from the horse, or on the fact that he might have been following you. Interestingly he comes out with the truth of the matter faster if you're more suspicious of him - probably because that's a response he's expecting. On the other hand with the nicer response, he falls back on snark - thus annoying even the MC that wants to be nice to him. Either way, Drake eventually spills out the truth: he's here because Liam asked him to look out for the MC. And it won't be the last time Liam thinks ahead and takes measures to either protect or guide her.

• The option to either join Drake to Liam's private tent, or go ahead to where the other ladies are, comes with a price. Spend the diamonds and you'll see Hypervigilant Liam, pushups and at least a few minutes less to worry about a couple suitors roasting you for not fitting in the NANOSECOND you arrive. It also features this bombshell of a line from the MC:

Fun Fact: When this chapter first came out, I was at a point where I'd regularly panic about getting options wrong, and going through an entire chapter before a replay. To make sure that didn't happen too often, I'd watch a non-diamond playthrough on YouTube, and figure out the correct answers that way. It was fun.

So imagine the amount of cringing I did at Olivia and Kiara making smartass comments about the MC, which led me to believe that maybe the other option would save me from that kind of roasting.

Ladies, gents, non-binary people - THAT is how I ended up buying my first scene this book. To escape from the ladies of the court 🙈 (which didn't happen but at least I got a nice Liam scene out of it. Teehee. Teehee)

• The Private Tent diamond scene has the following:

- proof that Liam can and will pounce on someone for fear of attack. this is part-defense-training and part (IMO) trauma response because he's been the target of a number of assassinations

- you get to confront Liam about having Drake look out for you, and if you don't like the gesture, Liam is contrite BUT tells you the Derby atmosphere can be chaotic and scary for a newcomer, and since he couldn't directly watch over her he needed to ensure she'd be okay somehow. This is something he keeps doing for the MC in small, easy-to-miss ways throughout the social season, actually.

- this conversation about horses, which took a symbolic turn I wasn't exactly expecting if you choose "trapped". But it killed me. Killed me guys 😭

That last line. "Nothing like a little gilding to make a cage bearable", Liam says and you can TELL that's most of his life captured in a single sentence.

- shirtless Liam

- Drake-Liam banter, and I mean genuine good-natured Drake-Liam banter that isn't Drake "calling out" Liam on being privileged while never admitting his own privileges (though Drake does say that his presence in Liam's life is to keep him humble, which...eh).

- one more blue star point from Drake if you're nice to him, and overall the MC and Drake leave on better terms (although, the second thing already happens even if you walk straight to the suitors' tent).

- a kiss if you're romantically involved.

• Me Back Then: So if I take the diamond scene, the mean ladies won't @ me for tardiness, right? Right?? 👀 👀

Me Now: WRONG. But at least you got to sit on Liam while he was doing push-ups.

Me Back Then: Well. When you put it that way...

• Whether or not you choose this diamond option, you'll be called out on being late anyway. It's mostly Olivia and Kiara: Olivia stresses on how "fashionably late you are", and Kiara comments on how it's only Day 2 and you can't keep up (...she'll eat those words in Lythikos, I think), with Hana being the only support and defending the MC, pointing out (like Liam) how chaotic things get after the press interviews are done. The only difference is that in the diamond option, these dialogues occur after the race is over, and in the free option it's before. Esther gets roasted by them after the race is over, poor Persy gets it before the race has even begun 😭

• What interested me about this scene were the brief parallels between the race portions of the Liam/Drake scene, and the free scene. Two of my current favourite characters in this book take their place in the free version 😁

In each version of the scene, a character viewed as more 'friendly' (to the MC) pins their hopes on Twilight Dash. A more distant character will however guess correctly that Marabelle's Dream has the edge. Kiara doesn't exactly give us a reason why, but Drake tells Liam he's been looking at the stats and seems regardless to have pretty extensive knowledge about horses.

The funny thing obviously is that the fun element in Liam's scene (the bet), is hinted at in Hana's scene when she tells the MC that she was fortunate they couldn't bet anything.

Me Back Then: Liam didn't exactly lose anything!

Me Now: He lost...his shirt 👀👀

Esther: 👀 👀 👀 👀

Persephone: (Blissfully unaware that any of this ever happened, too busy making heart eyes at Hana. I would too, Persy, I would too)

• The ladies - mainly Olivia and Penelope - are disappointed about not seeing Liam (hah! says Esther) but hope to meet him at the tea party where his step mother Queen Regina is also in attendance. Our last scene is with Hana, building up to the first scene next chapter where she tells us about the tea party!

• I made some pretty interesting observations about how Donnie's end of the interview was coded, based on what I played in the game + what I observed from the other YouTube playthroughs. Here it is:

- as you already know, there are three monikers, all of which apply to this MC - the Mystery Woman, the American and the Everywoman.

- Each moniker emphasizes on her differences. She is different from the rest of the court in her penchant for mystery, she is a foreigner in a country where foreigners may not always be viewed in the best light if they don't fit in, and she is a commoner by birth to the Cordonian nobility here. All of which serve to either make her eventual success in assimilating even more impressive than usual, or in emphasizing why she would be wrong for the position if she doesn't do well.

- In the case of "Mystery Woman" and "The American", if you choose the first option, THAT is what will be coded as your moniker regardless of what your second option is. So if I chose "American Lone Wolf" in my first option, but mentioned "Liam couldn't figure me out" (mystery option) in my second one, I would still be called The American.

- The twist is that this is completely different if when you go for a first "Everywoman" option. If I choose "just a regular woman out there" for my first option, but the "fascination for Statue of Liberty" (American option) for the second...it will default to The American anyway.

- Only if you choose the option to tell Donnie that the MC was a waitress, does she get the "Everywoman" moniker. It's like the writers would really, really much rather you picked one of the other two!

• I enjoyed the diamond scene, I think. It was fun, cute and fluffy the first time I played, your MC and Drake got the chance to slightly thaw towards each other, and when you came back to the "Liam's reaction to you scaring him" scene later on, there was so much you could gain out of it! (an essay of mine "Trauma and Triggers", explores that part of this scene in detail, if anyone would like to read it. I'll probably give the link in the comments).

• I find it interesting, in the overall scheme of things in the books, how Kiara's comments seem to revolve around settling in to the court. (In her first scene if you choose to ask the women why they're okay with Olivia speaking of them as 'harpies', Kiara's first response is that they all knew what they were getting into, and surprise that the MC didn't - and her second comment is about fitting in. Her third actual scene with us, she compliments us on the same if we do gain support by the time we reach Lythikos). When you do actually do well, she's more ready to support you. It makes me more interested in the dynamics of the scene we have with her at Lythikos.

• Me Back Then, however, hates her guts right now. Don't worry, Me Back Then, you'll get there, you'll get there 😂

• The thawing towards Drake sets the stage for the cronut scene next chapter, I think, which further sets the stage for the bonding with him in Lythikos.

• I find it interesting how the press is viewed as "a window to the people" in the initial books, but it's disheartening to think about now. Especially when we don't really get to see a lot of commoners outside of someone like Drake, at least not one with a full fledged role yet.

• I'm hoping I can make a regular thing out of this!! 😁 It's been fun to do.

--

Tally Counts:

Number of Times Drake has Called Esther/Persy by Their First Names: 2 (I forgot he called her that again at the Masquerade Ball)

Number of Times Tariq Has Mentioned His Shoes: 1

Number of Times Drake Has Taken A Drink that’s Not Whiskey: 1

Number of Times Someone Has Called A Reigning Monarch 'Your Highness’: 2

Number of Times You Can Leave Hana Shook. SHOOK I TELLS YA: 2

Number of Times We See Penelope’s Angryface: 2

[cynically-optimistic]

With a week to sit back and think “what the fuck did I just watch,” I thought I would now do a review of American Horror Story: Apocalypse.

As we know (and may or may not agree upon) ahs8 had its various strengths and weaknesses. Many aspects of this season I found riveting but unfortunately by the end of episode 10, the season is left chalked full of plot holes and continuity errors that effectively make so much of this particular story obsolete. This season had all of the components we have loved for years and the potential to be the most amazing season yet, however it fell flat either in the writers room or the editing room. They cultivated this story for 8 years but with the vast underdevelopment of this season and it’s protagonists, they have effectively caused us to ask more questions like what was the entire point of season 8 of American Horror Story?

So here are some notable plot holes and criticisms I have for AHS: Apocalypse.

First and foremost, my biggest problem with this season is that we have almost no information about Mallory at all and they never spend time developing her character. And what the actual fuck is she? There is no way she is a witch, and this season was drastically underwhelming in this regard. I think we were all expecting an epic, biblical battle for the end of days to be fought between the Antichrist and the second coming of Christ or even an Archangel, but no such luck. It is only ever said that Mallory is just a witch...just a witch who got on my fucking nerves. We spent the whole season in flashbacks pertaining to Michael and never developing Mallory any further beyond “oh well her powers are cool,” and honestly, what gives? She has these amazing powers, never before seen by the witches, and we’re just supposed to believe that she isn’t some sort of celestial being? By the time she does defeat Michael, she is not a character we empathize with, she was basically an empty shell of the potentially badass character she was supposed to be. She has all of these powers and runs a 4 year old Michael Langdon over with an SUV...thrice….three times… Mallory could have been an amazing character and I would have completely rooted for her to defeat Michael with all the righteousness of Heaven, regardless of his tragic backstory that the writers spent too fucking long cultivating. But since we know practically nothing about her, all I can say is that she’s just ended up being a dick who murdered a child. Yeah, he was going to end the world, but he had the potential to be turned around, as depicted in his extensive backstory. Too many people wanted him to survive and just be allowed to end the world because Cody Fern is hot and Michael Langdon falls into the typical “tragic backstory, white, villain dude who is moderately conventionally attractive and therefore should be allowed to murder people without scrutiny.” He fits in that trope to a T and it works regardless of it being a tired trope fandom culture tends to fawn over. But no, I truly think, because of the amount of time they cultivated his character in both the light and dark, he could’ve been not such an evil son of a bitch. I cannot say the same for other examples of this trope like Tate Langdon, or Kylo Ren from Star Wars, or even Loki to some extents. This paragraph was supposed to be about Mallory but here again, I have veered into talking about Michael since he is her direct counterpart with way more backstory. I wish I had more to say about Mallory but she was such a blank slate. It’s sad that Coco of all people had more of a personality and backstory. We knew everything we needed to know about Coco and we knew literally NOTHING about Mallory. Ugh. In no way is this a criticism of Billie Lourd, I honestly think she just fell victim to bad writing this time around.

How did Emily and Timothy conceive the new antichrist when in season 1, Billie directly states that the antichrist, who would bring about the end of days, had to be conceived via human and spirit - like Michael. Furthermore, what is this “special DNA” Emily and Timothy have? We can surmise that it makes antichrists but HOW? And how did the Cooperative isolate and identify this DNA makeup to send these two individuals to Outpost 3 in the first place? And if the Cooperative knew that they could potentially make a new antichrist, did Michael know about it? My guess is no, but we will never know. Which begs the question, is the new anti christ going to be worse and if so, what was even the point of this season? Either way, in a few years, the entire world is fucked…again. The only redeemable aspect of that for Michael was that he craved to be loved and spent most of his time looking for someone to care about him rather than carrying out the Devil’s plans. Constance didn’t do this so he went searching for it and was systematically turned away which lead him right into the arms of his true father. This new kid is deeply loved by Emily and Timothy, and without the potential failsafe of him wishing to be loved and cared for, I believe this kid will be so much worse than Michael.

What is the Rubberman? The only new information we have gotten on this since season 1 is from Cody who says that Rubberman is not always Michael or Tate, but something else entirely. Like what? A demon? And it’s literally never addressed. Rubberman shows up unexpectedly (unexpectedly because you know, the world ended…) in Outpost 3, fucks Mr Gallant (why doesn’t he have a first name by the way? ) and is then the catalyst for Mr Gallant murdering his grandmother. So what exactly is this entity?

Also, what was the Sanctuary supposed to be? I don’t think it was just bullshit on Michael’s part to fuck with the desperate people in the Outposts. I do believe there was a sanctuary but we never see it and we never get any further information. I saw some interesting theories that maybe the Sanctuary is the Murder House, which would have been so interesting given that everyone in there rejected Michael, but he might still care about them, and potentially save the house in the nuclear blasts.

{Trigger Warning for sexual assault on this one regarding Tate Langdon} I think the theory Madison has about Murder House is a little off base. She tells Violet that the house made Tate evil but… here’s the thing: yes, we have watched the house and it’s resident ghosts interfere and influence people’s actions, but ultimately they all make their own choices, like Lorraine who set the house on fire which killed herself and her two daughters, and then influences Ben’s sleepwalking and fabricating his obsession with fire, but nothing drastic ever comes from this. So, I honestly don’t believe the house forced Tate to set Larry on fire (as revenge for Larry killing Beau) and shoot up his high school, killing 15 people, because those atrocities did NOT take place in the house. I don’t even know if I can believe that the house possessed and forced him to r*pe Viven and impregnate her with Michael but that seems to be the only horrific thing he did that could even begin to be blamed on the house. The house is a Hellmouth but doesn’t affect those who leave it’s property lines apart from encouraging them to return, almost like an addiction, but one that you can dismiss by just not going back to the house. So while Return to Murder House is a lovely nostalgic experience, I call bullshit. Ultimately though, I do think Madison was just trying to help and give the souls trapped there a little peace which was nice of her, but I’m not fully convinced she was right about Tate.

What happened to Kyle? This season was a crossover between Murder House and Coven but he is never mentioned by Madison or Zoe and is never shown at Miss Robichaux’s Academy. So where is our favorite unproblematic zombie Evan Peters at?

One huge problem I had with this season was Cordelia. She spent this entire season fighting her own fear of decay and death, while trying not to be like Fiona, and ultimately bringing them all to their doom. She sees a vision of the future apocalypse and every single step she takes thereafter to avoid it is a contributing factor that leads them all directly to it. Michael only fully set his sights on murdering all of the witches after Cordelia burnt Ms. Mead at the stake. Mead wasn’t even a witch, so how was that acceptable under witch law? Cordelia wasn’t even allowed to light the fire to burn the warlocks, so how was she allowed to murder a normal human? Mead may have been a ruthless spy and a satanist, but she was human all the same. Then Cordelia tells Michael, as he is devastated to find the charred corpse of Ms. Mead, that he can still choose to be good. Let’s be real, anyone of us would tell her to fuck off and set our sights on revenge if she did that to one of our loved ones. By having another maternal figure taken away from Michael, the only one who accepted and loved him (in her own way) Cordelia put the nails in her own coffin and that of the world. She is among the notable figures that push him along the darkest path, such as Constance, Ben, Tate, Viven, the Warlocks, Ms. Mead (even though she loved him, she loved Lucifer more), the Satanists, The Cooperative, and Mutt & Jeff. He is manipulated at every turn to bring about a future of mass destruction that other people want, and Cordelia was a definite contributor, but let it be known that Michael’s actions are ultimately his own.

The fact that Madison never met Charles, Nora, or Thaddeus while she was at the Murder House is a travesty. That would have been SOOOO interesting.

What the fuck was Ms. Venable’s issue? She was such an asshole to everyone and we never really figure out why other than she works for a bunch of idiots.

I enjoyed the culture around the warlocks because it was so ridiculous, they were the whiniest bunch of assholes, but I also hated this because they were the whiniest bunch of asshole. They were so desperate to overthrow Cordelia, even though none of them even come close to being able to do so (sorry not sorry boys) that they basically invite the apocalypse into their school. The only one who was like “nah, this is probably a bad idea,” was John Henry Moore, played by the incomparable Cheyenne Jackson, who I wish had bigger role to play in this storyline. He was the only warlock worth a damn, but ultimately they were all murdered. Or wait, no they weren’t. Time travel..

Some of the things changed by Mallory’s time traveling:

The warlocks are never murdered but they are still a bunch of whiny assholes

Tate and Violet don’t get back together (good)

Michael never destroys those nice lesbians’ souls, or anyone souls, which is good but who knows what this new Antichrist is capable of and when he will begin to tap into those powers

Constance (as far as we know) doesn’t commit suicide in the Murder House

Moira never finds peace in the light with her mom

Viven and Ben never reconcile

Which also means that Ben is still spending all of his time with Tate and crying while he masturbates out the window so…

Michael never lives in the Murder House

Ben never connects with Michael, Tate never screams at him in disgust, and Viven never tries to kill him

Queenie is never murdered in the Hotel Cortez by Ramona Royale and James Patrick March

Cordelia never has to bring Myrtle back from the dead, so she is still gone

Madison is still trapped in her own personal hell and Mallory doesn’t feel the need to bring her back even though Madison was way more useful this season than Mallory was. We knew Madison, we cared about her, we watched her grow into being a caring person this season, and Mallory is the self righteous ass that thinks Madison doesn’t deserve to leave hell

Michael is never taken in by Ms Mead. He never attends Black Mass and he never eats that poor girl’s heart (all of this was encouraged and initiated by the Satanists - not Michael)

Marie Laveau is still in hell with Papa Legba. She was anyway because Michael ripped her heart out of her chest 2 seconds after she got back but she never returned at all thanks to Mallory

Dinah obviously never gets her talkshow but she is still out here being shady as fuck and will inevitably betray the witches and voodoo queens again, probably for a fucking talkshow, when the new antichrist is running around burning the world down

The end of days doesn’t come, but again, we don’t know that for sure. At best, Mallory only bought the world and the witches a few extra years. So we can only really say that the apocalypse might not happen the exact way Michael (the Cooperative) makes it happen

Some of the thing I actually liked about this season:

THE ENTIRE FIRST HALF WAS INCREDIBLE and it’s really the lack of development throughout the final 4 or 5 episodes I had an issue with

Cody Fern is undeniably a spectacular performer and I very much enjoyed all of the layer and nuance that he brought to the character of Michael Langdon even though in the end it didn’t amount to much. Still, I can’t wait to see what he does next.

I have always loved Cordelia, and even though I very much expected her to be an influence of growth for Mallory and she never really got there, she was still a lovely presence and she spoke some of my favorite lines in this season being “Satan has one son, but my sisters are a legion, motherfucker,” and “I only knew you for a short time, but I missed you forever.”

DayFoxx or MistyXCordelia. You cannot convince me they are not in love, you just can’t. Their interactions were nothing short of magic.

Other than DayFoxx interactions, hands down the best line was, “the stew is Stu!”

Return to Murder House was arguably one of the best episodes of the entire series, directed by one of our high queens, Sarah Paulson in her directorial debut. It had everything we loved about season 1 and I would have loved to watch 5 hours of Madison walking through Murder House, meeting all the ghosts, instead of the last 5 hours of the season we got.

As much as I grew to hate Constance this season, it was still so lovely to have our Queen Jessica Lange back.

Sign me up anytime to see Angela Bassett as Marie Laveau like holy hell yes

I absolutely LOVED the idea of Zoe being a teacher at the Academy.

We could have all benefited from seeing more of Bubbles. Joan Collins was a fantastic addition to the AHS family.

FRANCIS CONROY. Need I say more? I don’t but I will, Myrtle dragging the patriarchy cleansed my soul

It was actually really lovely to see Connie Britton as Viven again. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Viven and I feel terrible for everything she has been through. She never gets closure because of Mallory’s new timeline but I just hope she does find peace at some point.

With this rich of a storyline, I think we can all agree that 10 episodes was simply not enough to fully deliver this story after a build up of 8 years. Other seasons of AHS range from 11 to 13 episodes, with the exception of Roanoke which was also only 10 episodes. But with those extra hours, Apocalypse could have been incredible. There simply wasn’t enough time, and what time they did have and utilize was almost entirely spent on Michael which we find didn’t matter at all by the end.

Leave your thoughts in the comments if you have anything you’d like to add.

[koganphrancis]

Season H8 Episode 2 Recap

TV Guide’s review of this ep begins thusly:                                                            I don't want to write this story. Can I start by saying that?

I hear that-there’s so much just truly AWFUL in this episode that I’m not sure I can do it justice.  

An important point I want to hit right away is that what really gets to me the longer the show goes on is how nothing that happens to Ian is advancing his story.  In this week’s episode I can’t even begin to count how many splats of poop plop onto him, and by the end nothing has changed.  He’s still in grief, he’s still pretty dumb, he’s still “with” Terror.  What was the point of any of it?  

I’ll try to summarize the other storylines as quick as I can-Fiona continues her nowhere near reality building manager life.  She’s battling tenants for the rent (??? this is the first month she’s collecting rent even tho Monica died months ago?) and SOOOOO much time is wasted with her yelling at people we don’t know.  By the end of the ep, she’s slapping an eviction notice on a door and warming that if the family isn’t out the next day, she’s calling the marshals.  I know this show isn’t a documentary, but that bit was so far from the way things work I wanted to cry.  I’m stuck working in the next cube over from a woman who owns a couple of small apartment buildings with her husband, and I’ve had to hear how hard it is to evict someone more than once.  It takes months, and lawyers, and court appearances, and if there’s little kids involved-like the family they showed on Shameless-it takes even longer.  There are no branches of “marshals” sitting around waiting for landlords to call and tell them to kick people out, same day service.  Also, it’s already getting to me how unrealistic it is for Fiona to even own this building.  Who is taking care of cleaning the common areas?  How does she pay anyone to fix clogged pipes, broken heating, etc?  She’s still working at the diner too, so she’s not rolling in cash.  The show just handing her this enterprise to run is too hard to believe (or get interested in, but don’t let me digress).  It’s so soap opera-y, they might as well have said she was suddenly running her own fashion design firm or cosmetic company or something.

Lip continues to be a dink.  Mooning over Snore, wanting to come up with a way to show her her ex is no good.  He takes advice from fucking Frank and has a pizza guy come to the diner so he can order a special pizza to be delivered to the ex-why does Lip know his address?  The pizza has a bag of coke on it, and the ex runs to a meeting to resist the temptation.  Now, I don’t know if he’s also an alcoholic also, so he goes to AA meetings too, but in an incredible coincidence, Lip and the ex are at the exact same meeting!  Fancy that!  While he’s talking about trying to not snort the coke, he conveniently mentions it’s still sitting in his house.  Lip tears out of the meeting, breaks into the guy’s house and gets his leg chewed up by a guard dog for his trouble.  Too many coincidences PLUS the shitty idea it was to begin with make this storyline pretty unbearable.  We also learn, in passing, that Lip is 23 now, so that makes Ian 22, Debbie 18, and Carl 17-he could totally be charged as an adult for dealing that meth, not that the show is going to go there.

Debbie got her hair washed.  That’s it.  That’s what we see now on this show.  

They continue to push the poverty vs the 1 percenter life style with Liam.  I’m sorry, I can’t get into it.  We all-including the Gallaghers-have TV, we know that rich people live differently than most of us.  Can we move the fuck on, please?

Carl was barely in this ep-all he did was sell Ian’s meth and set Ian off at the end of the episode. 

Frank is, as usual, not really worth talking about-we all know it’s just a matter of time before he’s back to his old ways.  However, in his job interview scene, the other character got to sit there and tell the story of his past relationship and cry about it-so, another scene Ian should’ve had long ago where he talked about Mickey like that, grrr.  

Now Ian, eye roll.  The “here’s what you missed” went to him this week-he’s on the job, running from the EMT ambulance to a victim and he says, “Shit, I’m out here saving lives...” and I couldn’t help but think, “and looking to push my meth.”  

Ian shows up for breakfast that Carl’s making, and Lip is at the sink with a plate, filling his face.  Ian teases him, asking if he’s eating for two, and oddly rubs Lip’s stomach for an unnecessarily long amount of time.  It made me realize how little those two have physical contact-they never even clasp each other on the shoulder or anything.  This OOC rubbing from Ian was wicked weird, but of course it’s setting up the fact that Ian is very aware of BMI and how much a low one means to him. Lip says he’s trying to fight the urge to drink with extreme nausea, Ian answers, “Sounds healthy”, foreshadowing the other theme the show will hit hard this week-trading one unhealthy thing for another, sort of a lesser of two evils thing.  

Carl says he can finally move Ian’s meth, so he runs to get it, but when Ian goes to hand it over, he gets weird about it-not because it could kill people/ruin lives, but because it’s the last (I would say “only”) thing Monica gave them, and “when it’s gone, she’s gone”.  Carl couldn’t care less, and says he’s going to take a bigger cut from Ian than he did from Lip since Ian’s being a pussy or whatever.

Ian’s at the youth center, outside, taking care of a couple of kids and he’s all mopey and doesn’t even acknowledge Terror.  Terror, of course, can’t have Ian not hitting on him, so he asks Ian if he’s okay.  Ian says he got “kinda sad about Monica today”, Terror says that’s not weird (who said it was weird?  Him not hitting on you is the only thing you think is weird, you rapey idiot), she hasn’t been dead very long.  Ian sadly says, “I guess.”  Terror tells him when he’s sad he goes to Bear Back.  Ian is incredulous.  “The chub bar?  You’re into chubs?”   The bigger the better,” says icky T.  Ian says, “How do I not know this about you?”  Because, Ian, you know almost NOTHING about this little asshole-there’s nothing to know and the writers haven’t bothered with anything other than he’s trans and he’s annoying.  

I’m not going to bother trying to describe the disdain on Ian’s face and in his tone with everything that had to do with this part of the story-suffice it to say it was there, and it made me very sad that they’re painting Ian as this shallow, callow person who only cares about a guy’s body type not being big.  Line up Mickey, Faileb, Terror, Kash, and Ned-none of them even have the “same” body type, but none of them were overweight.  I guess that’s the only thing that bothers Ian.

Ian says he doesn’t get it, so Terror finally, after all this time, says they should go get a drink and Ian will “get enlightened”.  “Or smothered,” Ian says-oh ho, that’s a great joke!  

Cut to them at the bar.  They have the following conversation:

Ian: This is seriously your type?  Terror: Sometimes. I: What’s the attraction? T: They like to please.  They’re tender. I: (to the bartender) Two shots of well whiskey.  (What, no “please”?  What a prick!) (to Terror) These guys? T: It’s not like I go for them all the time.  It’s just when I need someone really nice in my life.  Like let’s say there was this guy that I really loved (I screamed while watching this when he said that, Ian just sort of made a dismissive face-it’s not like he was hurt thinking that Terror truly loved him.  Terror knew him for what-18 days before Ian ran off with Mickey?) and he deserted me (why are you being such a drama queen?) for three days to go to Mexico with his escaped convict ex.  (I think you mean love of his life, asshole) I: Um-hm... T: I would come here, find a chub to worship me. (Get the fuck over yourself!!!!) 

Terror tosses back his drink, leads Ian over to meet some guys at the pool table, they say Hi all interested, Ian sucks down his drink, looks like he’s not into this at all.  Hello scene with the girl on the train all over again.  

Next thing we know, we’re watching Ian have an orgasm-something we never got with Mickey-as he sits on a couch getting a blowjob from one of the big guys who is on his knees in front of him.  In the background, about 15 feet away, the other big guy is on a bed facing the room Ian is in while Terror plows into him from behind.  Seriously?  Ian and Terror are this type of fuck buddies now?  Ian’s wanted to get back with Terror since getting back from Mexico (allegedly), but he’ll put up with the two of them having sex in basically the same room?  

Ian’s guy finishes him off and sits on the couch next to Ian and says, “Oh, you’re such a good boy.”  5 years with Mickey and we never got to see them talk after sex, but this rando gets to compliment him?  Ian makes a face and says thanks and gets up-to leave, I hope, and not to go join in on the bed with Terror and the other guy.  Ian’s guy asks where’s he going, Ian looks over at T on the bed and says, “What?”  The guy says “Come here,” and lies down on the couch.  Ian immediately gets in the little spoon position for no reason we can see whatsoever, but then Nancy pulls a little fan service and has him cry lying on his side, just like that scene from yesteryear.  Ian doesn’t say anything, so it’s not like we can think he’s crying for Mickey, or because he’s flashing back to when he had meaningless sex with too many strangers to count before or because he feels bad about using this guy-it’s all supposed to be about Monica.  

Next time we see Ian he’s in the hot tub and Fiona comes and joins him and he  tells Fiona “other than crying in some fat fucking furry stranger’s arms tonight” he’s great.  They have a boring talk about her day, and then Fi says she wants to know what’s going on.  Ian says it’s embarrassing, Fi says, “Okay”, Ian tells her, “Terror said that hooking up with a chub would make me feel better about Monica but it don’t-it made me feel worse.”   Fiona: Really?  You’re upset she died?  (This is why you never go to Fiona for advice about interpersonal relationships, Ian!  She’s not wired like you!) I: Yeah.  I know you guys have all moved on and I haven’t.  (Shit, Ian, you really are all alone in this world now, aren’t you?  You really should’ve gone to Mexico with the one and only person who cares about you!) F: Moved on while she was alive. I: Well, I guess I’m the family freak for not wanting to forget about her. (yeah, you should just forget about her-you could do it with Mickey, and he actually had your back!) F: I don’t think you’re a freak cuz you don’t want to forget her.  I think you’re a freak cuz you cried in a fat dude’s arms.

They splash each other and the next day I’m reading posts about how great it is that Fiona’s acting like Ian’s sister again-huh?  Did I miss when she said, “I’m sorry you’re hurting, I’m here for you, what do you need”?  She told a fat joke and didn’t look the least bit worried over Ian’s suffering-or what he did to try to alleve it.  And what about her worrying/saying that fucking Terror will set a match to Ian’s sweet life that he’s worked so hard to achieve?  Shouldn’t any big sister’s response to “Trevor said...” be, “If Trevor told you to sniff glue would you have done THAT?  That’d make you forget your pain over Monica for a while too, but IT’S NO FUCKING SOLUTION.”  

Also, this whole thing just proves that Terror has no credentials whatsoever.  He’s probably just a volunteer at the youth center-they let him drive kids around without a valid license and now his advice to someone who’s had bad sex almost his entire life is to go have some more to feel better for a while.  Fuck this noise.  There’s no way he’s ever had formal training to be a counselor working with at risk kids.

At least this time the hot tub had steam rising off it.

You’d think that’d be enough bad for one ep, but no!  We still have the tattoo to get through!  Ian’s already getting inked when the scene begins, and the artist asks if he’s doing okay, and Ian says yeah, he’s digging the pain.  The tattoo guy says a lot of people say that especially if they’re going through a hard time.  Ian asks why is that and the guy says, “Emotional pain has no location.  Physical pain does-you can name it.  So it becomes a little more manageable.”  Um, Nancy?  Did you just sign off on self-harm?  That is NOT good or reasonable advice!  What is it with this episode pushing Ian into destructive behavior?  

Anyway, Ian asks how’s it looking, the guy says, “Your girlfriend’s gonna love this one, bro.”  Ian says, “It’s not my girlfriend, it’s my mom.”  The artist says, “Your mom?  Oh you shoulda told me that before I started working on these titties.”  

So, what, exactly, was the conversation when Ian got there?  “I want a woman’s headless torso tattooed on my back-I’ll explain the significance of it later”????  As with everything on this show, their complete lack of research and respect for the work people do in the real world is non-existent here.  

Next time we see Ian he’s drinking a beer shirtless in the Gallagher kitchen and TERROR is there-all my earlier hopes while I was watching that the dueling sex scene was going to be a deal breaker for Ian, at least for a while, has flown out the window.  They don’t even say why he’s there-if those two assholes are back together and Terror’s settling in there again, I’ll riot.  

Carl comes in from the front door with a random girl we never see up close.  He walks all the way to the kitchen leaving her in the background and says Ian’s “lost it” when he hears the tattoo is supposed to be Monica.  Oh, that reminds me-when Ian gets his money from Carl, he asks what Ian’s going to do with it and Ian says he’ll use it to do something to memorialize Monica-so, Carl gave Lip 9 grand, even if he kept an extra thousand from Ian, you mean to tell me that tattoo cost Ian all his money and he couldn’t pay the guy to cover it or turn it into something else?

Ian flips out when he recognizes Monica’s jacket on the girl.  Carl said he gave it to her for some beers and a blowie.  The whole time he’s drinking the beer, Ian’s acting like he did the day at Mickey’s when he wanted to go after the protesters at the serviceman’s funeral.  Are we supposed to think he’s getting manic again?  That would certainly explain a lot of shit/bad decisions that have gone down in this episode, but they showed him with his pills in the first episode and the writers have said they “dealt with” Ian needing to be medicated-although then they did cave and give us that brief look at Ian needing to get his dose adjusted last season.  I hate how the show cares so little about anything, that you just don’t know if there’s reasons for Ian’s behavior or it’s just the indifferent script writers trading off week to week.  Anyway, Ian insists Carl bring him to Monica’s storage unit since there’s still some of her stuff there, and Carl calls him “Psycho” but says he will. 

The next day Ian’s wearing his bright red Nike high tops, out on the stoop shooting daggers from his eyes as the snooty rich mother of Liam’s sleepover friend is waiting.  I assume there was some dialogue that got cut, because why is Ian so hostile towards her?  Is he hurt because she’s judging him for living in a bad neighborhood-looking down on him?  Isn’t that how this hypocritical fuck was about the big guys in this episode?  Why does this show suck so hard now?  

The woman’s kid and Liam and Carl come out, and Ian and Carl go to the storage unit and discover a big bad meth dealer there.  He figures out they’re Monica’s kids and that she either gave them his meth or they stole it and either way he wants his $70000 back.  Setting up the next pointless episode...

There was one scene with a kid playing Yevgeny in it (bring the Henckels back!), and Kev’s cancer scare that I had already read in a spoiler was going to be just that-only a scare.  And Kev gets to join a cancer support group but we can’t send Ian to grief therapy because Gallaghers don’t do therapy.  

The show is going nowhere.  To Cameron after his rant this week I can only say, “Fuck me for giving a shit, you prick.”  

[its-a-queer-thing]

(Same anon about Svetlana) First off thank you for answering in such detail, you brought up things I had forgotten about, such as the random oral sex with Kev and V, which definitely was out of order and personally I think handled badly by the writers. I also completely agree with her lying being wrong which is why I only really loved her for the start of season 7. I think the writers missed a perfect opportunity to represent polyamorous relationships positively with the thrupple

Hi again! :D Thanks again for asking for my take on her, it’s always really interesting to list out the pros and cons and figure out why exactly I feel a certain way about a certain character, and Svetlana is one I had yet to do that with.

Should I get started on all of the opportunities for representation the Shameless writers wasted??

Fuck it, here I go… Warning, it’s long and likely controversial.

There are a lot of things I kinda defend the writers on, so I’ll start with those…

It’s probably controversial, but I do defend the way the Shameless writers handled the storylines of the men who are raped/sexually assaulted on this show and how their assaults never REALLY referenced or talked about. The reason I defend this is because men who are raped in real life are ignored and many men who ARE sexually assaulted either know it but aren’t comfortable talking about it because men are expected to be sex machines and so grateful for any and all attention, or don’t even recognize what happened to them as a sexual assault. Some men may not care as Frank seemed not to other than the statutory angle; but I guarantee most, even if they don’t label what happened to them as “rape” (like Mickey) are still affected as we saw with both Mickey (who PERFECTLY demonstrated rape trauma syndrome symptoms) and Matty (who blatantly called his assault what it was, and explained that biology does not equal consent). I see a lot of people talking about how Matt’s rape was never addressed, but it was. Debbie talked to Lip about it and Lip represents a big population of people who think men can’t be raped or should be grateful for the attention (and come to think of it, it’s ironic that Lip was the one to tell Debbie that ugly nonsense he said considering we watched him be sexually assaulted by Mandy… But clearly he doesn’t recognize it as a sexual assault either…). Was this on purpose? I personally think so, I think it was the writers’ way of saying “Didn’t like that? Well, that’s how people talk about this stuff or they don’t talk at all. So now talk about it and bring awareness so we can fix it.” Maybe that’s a little optimistic considering who the executive producer is… but it’s how I look at it, because these events are NOT ignored on social media or conversations about the show. So the viewer has the choice to take an opportunity to talk about it, or not, and luckily many people HAVE taken the opportunity to talk about it. So, if I’m right and the writers intended for these plotlines to get people to talk: it worked. And if not, it worked anyway.

Another thing I typically defend the writers for is how they show/talk about pedophilic relationships and the double standards of them. A lot of people are bothered that no one in the show seems to care that Ian was molested by multiple older men and that no one calls it what it is: Pedophilia. No one has a problem with Ian having sex with older men, but as soon as Debbie is mentioned in a hypothetical relationship with an older man, it’s out of the question. Now, I personally think they did that on purpose to show that there is NO difference and yet our society seems to think there is. Boys are expected to sexually explore early so for some reason a young boy with an older woman or in Ian’s case, a young boy with an older man, is typically not a problem by society’s standards. They did this with the number of times that Ian’s sexual history with other men was brought up (Ned, namely) and only casually referenced without ANY disgust at Ned (Jimmy more concerned about his dad being gay than that he was molesting a minor) or concern for Ian (Fiona casually throwing out that Ned was getting blown by a teenager but unconcerned by the fact that her minor brother was in a relationship with a grown ass man). So I think this was purposefully shown to reflect the ugly truth of how we view young boys’ sexual development vs. girls. I thought they did a good job at showing how much bullshit this double standard is (and that’s not to say that I’m mad we treat young girls as flowers per se, it’s more that I think we need to care as much about how our young men are looked at in their sexual development as we do the young women). They even went on to show Debbie trying to start a relationship with an older guy and as unfortunate as it is, I think they did it to show the realistic teenage girl in today’s American society. It was going on when I was Debbie’s age and I’m sure it’s only getting worse. They were able to represent how and why girls are growing up too fast and I think started a great conversation, especially with what she did to Matt and how confused she was about consent, then with her getting pregnant and starting a conversation both about girls/women who trap men by getting pregnant and then about guys that run/how easy it is for guys to run.

Something I am irritated by is the continued misconceptions of bisexuality. Now, maybe I need to follow my own advice from the above example where I defend the writers and remind myself that people do see bisexuals as cheaters with a fancy label, or non-commital, or confused, etc. etc. And maybe I COULD look at it like that, if they were to give us a positive example of a bisexual to counter the failure that was Caleb and if they hadn’t made Ian force himself to have sex with a woman even though he’s never doubted his sexuality (and to an extent, Mickey since some people keep mistakenly labeling him bi).

So now we get into where I have a BIG beef with the writers concerning representation:

The misrepresentation of the Trans community… Trevor… They can’t make that okay… They had the PERFECT opportunity to bring in a beautiful Trans character (luckily they got a Trans actor so there’s that going for them…) but completely ruined it by turning this character into an ASS. Trevor is just so unpalatable and unfortunately I’ve talked to several people who made outrageously transphobic comments (about Elliot, actually) and while I explained to them why their comments weren’t okay, they just immediately defended their words by saying that Trevor made them care even less about wanting to understand the Trans community and genderqueer people. I’ve luckily seen lots of people online taking the time out to correct any misinformation about Trans people and genderqueer people and luckily people were responding well from what I read, but the fact is Trevor left a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths and the Shameless writers honestly can’t make that right without basically reintroducing Trevor (or another Trans character) as a completely new person. It’s really upsetting as an ally because I want people to understand the Trans community and more about gender identity and EVERYTHING related to the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, but if the media representation is going to look like Trevor?? We’re never going to get there.

The poly relationship. I have a few problems with it. First that it started because two people were on the brink of a divorce. They were opening up a really interesting dialogue about sexual miscommunications after big life changes (like having a baby) and the pressures of being new parents (and I even liked that they had Veronica not connecting to her children the way she was feeling pressured to because more moms need to understand that this happens sometimes and it’s OKAY!) But then, Kev and V cheat on each other, are sexually assaulted by Svetlana and then suddenly both have feelings for her?? And so compromise their confusion by starting a poly relationship with her?? The way the thrupple formed bothered me, basically. BUT once it was formed, I liked how they found their own flow and their own rhythm because that’s important to notice that poly relationships are just about finding what works for you and the people you love. I like that they showed the communication issues to show that poly relationships are ALL about communication. That’s something my friends in poly relationships stress whenever we talk about it that the reason they like poly relationships is because there is no room for secrets or hiding feelings if you want something like this to work. And that’s definitely where the thrupple went wrong (Well… that and Svet tricking them into losing the bar…) I just enjoyed that they made it look so natural ONCE they got it going, but like I said getting it going made it look pretty negative… and then the end result fucking tanked it.

My final beef is that most people of color on this show are negative. We have V and she is MOSTLY good though in later seasons we see some unsavoriness, but that’s okay because she can’t be perfect as a regular character. Liam is frequently addressed when people are confused that he is the son of two white people and it looks like they may start a discussion about token black people in diversity efforts with Liam in private school, which is a great conversation to start and I hope they handle it well. But Liam was really infantile up until basically season 7 and even then he didn’t REALLY act like a 6 year old. Let’s be real, he was WAY too quiet. Now whether that’s an age thing or race thing, I don’t know and probably can’t say because I’ve seen this happen on multiple shows where the writers don’t know how to integrate a child that started off as basically a flesh prop but who is now capable of speech. Kenyatta turned into an abusive asshole (and I called it from the first time I saw him. Really tall and buff black dude… I knew they were going to go that route right away, though I hoped with all my might it wouldn’t happen). Debbie’s foster mother in season 3 was a demon of a woman. One of Carl’s foster father’s was a bit of a prick or at the very least really uptight. Roberta (Monica’s girlfriend in season 1) was a bitch and wanted to steal Liam so she was basically a villain. Nick had potential, it looked like he was all about defying the odds and showing that he was more than his history in Juvie (he just wanted a simple life of farming, a bicycle, and to be away from people! And to top it off, he needed Carl to guard him in the bathroom because he was too afraid of taking a shower by himself! I mean, this kid was a teddy bear despite his appearance and I was ROOTING for this kid because of that) but then he ends up going to prison because he suddenly got homicidal over his bicycle. He was such a sweet character, and yes I suppose an example of a victim of the system, but I don’t know why, but Nick’s arc really bothered me. I feel they could have done more by having Nick show Carl (by positive example not negative) that the thug life is not all that and that Carl should be grateful he doesn’t HAVE to resort to the thug life. 

Whew. I am SO sorry this turned into what it did. When I get started… I get started and there is no stopping me! Hopefully everyone agrees, though obviously that is unlikely, so if anyone disagrees or wants me to clarify something please shoot a (respectful) Ask. I love discussions so long as they are respectful and informed.

Sorry again Anon for this monster of a response, but hopefully you enjoyed it! Lol.

Thanks for the love!

[hotchnerfuckmeup]

She’s Wonderful

Pairing: Prentiss x Reader

Word Count: 2,137

Request:  Anon asked -  request where you're rossi's daughter and work for the BAU and you and emily start dating but keep it a secret until you get hurt on the job and she won't leave your side and saying that she loves you and when you wake up she kisses you in front of the team and everyone is like, "yes!!" and rossi is just confused

A/N:  This switched from second person to first at one point, because it made sense since the reader wasn’t awake.

You walked through the doors of the BAU bullpen, feeling entirely happy.  The night before, Emily had came over to your place for a low-key birthday celebration for your cat.  Yes, you and your girlfriend decided to throw a small party for your feline friend consisting of you, Emily, Sergio and Fiona, your rag doll cat.  It was a warm occasion, and the bottle of wine Em had brought over made it all the more enjoyable.

So walking in the bullpen that day with a little extra bounce in your step was evidence enough of your happiness.

“Someone looks chipper for a Monday,” your father said, seeing you sit down at your desk with the smile on your face stretching from ear to ear.

“Fiona’s birthday.  My baby is growing up,” you said nonchalantly, conveniently forgetting to mention Emily and Sergio’s presence at your apartment last night.

“Of course, because a cat’s birthday is such a milestone,” your dad told you sarcastically.  You rolled your eyes.

“Rossi,” Hotchner said from his office.  Both you and your dad looked over to him.  “Sorry.  Dave,” he clarified, disappearing behind his door.

“How about you let me know when your cactus’s birthday is,” your dad said, his sarcastic smirk approaching his features.

“Ha-ha,” you mused, starting up your computer.

“Briefing in five,” JJ said from the conference room door.

“Did you really celebrate your cat’s birthday?” you heard to your right.  You looked at Dr. Reid whose face was scrunched up in confusion.

“Yes, as I do every year, since birthdays are typically an annual thing,” you answered with sarcasm.  Man, did you take after your father.

“What’s annual?” Emily asked, walking up behind you.  You glanced at the clock on your desk noticing she arrived a bit too early.  Outside, she said she’d come in at least four minutes after you so nothing would look suspicious.

When she saw you looking at the time, she slammed her go bag onto your desk, making you look up at her.

“Wake up, I believe we have a briefing,” she told you, raising her eyebrows to reassure you that no one knew about the relationship.

“My bad,” you said in a snide tone, following her and the rest of the team into the round room.

“Carlsbad, New Mexico,” Garcia stated as everyone took their seats at the table.  You sat between your father and Reid, Emily was on the other side of Reid, much to your dismay.  “Three victims, all with similar injuries.  All show many defensive wounds and died from bleeding out after they were stabbed in the stomach.  Also, something the police found peculiar was that four leaf clovers were left at every crime scene.”

“Must be his signature,” Morgan said, scrolling through the pictures on his tablet.

“What do we know about the victims?” you asked Garcia.

“That’s the tricky part.  Every victim was found without an ID on them and when they ran DNA tests on them, nothing came up.  These are strictly Jane and John Does.”

“Has anyone been reported missing?” Emily asked.

“Again, tricky.  I took the liberty of researching that when I looked through the file myself, you’re welcome for that, and there hasn’t been anyone filed missing for seven years, and all of the missing people have either been found or proclaimed dead.  Those that were proclaimed dead don’t fit the descriptions of any of these victims, so basically, these people don’t really seem to exist on paper or in any kind of system.”

“I think tricky is a bit of an understatement,” JJ said with raised brows.  This case sounded near impossible to solve.

“Baby girl, you’re saying you can’t get anything on these victims?” Morgan asked, looking at her.  The bubbly blonde sighed a sad sigh, knowing the last thing she wanted to do was disappoint the team.

“I- I’m sorry.  I’ve been looking furiously,” she admitted, slumping in her chair.

“Why don’t you come with us?  We will be able to work faster with you there,” Hotch said to her.  She nodded.  “Wheels up in thirty.”

The team slowly dispersed from the room, but you waited behind, silently willing Emily to do the same.  As if she could hear your thoughts, she was last to be in the room with you.  

“Well, this certainly isn’t going to be an easy case,” you mumbled, already feeling the stress that was sure to come.

“If this job was easy, we wouldn’t be doing it right,” she replied, placing her hand on yours.

“Always so wise Emily Prentiss,” you said with a smile, your hand feeling hot from her touch.

“That’s why you fell for me after all,” she replied, winking at you and walking out the door.

“And you didn’t recognize her at all?” Emily asked the bartender.  He was the one who had found the only female victim.  He said he had been taking out the trash when he found her.

“No.  Never seen her before in my life,” he replied, wiping down the glass in his hand.  “I was asked this already by the police, and so was my guys.”  He motioned to the other men working.  “None of us ever seen her before.”

“Thank you,” you told him, defeated.  Walking away, you couldn’t help but feel a slump in your step, a vast difference to the morning walk you had.

“Hey,” Emily said, grabbing your wrist.  

“We have nothing, Em,” you whined.  “How are we supposed to solve a case without any sort of victimology?”

“Y/N, you know what we do.  We work backwards.  We put together the profile before we figure out the whats and whys of the victims.”  Her hand was still holding your wrist.  Luckily, Hotch sent you and Emily to the bar alone.  Out of the team’s prying eyes, especially your father’s, you felt comfortable lacing your fingers with hers.

“The men put up a fight, but not quiet as big a fight as the woman,” you said, simply thinking like the agent you were, remembering the defensive wounds on each victim.  “That might imply we’re looking for a woman.  The men would hesitate to come at a woman if their morals were in order.”

“And the wounds definitely show hesitation.” 

“So we’re looking for a woman,” you said, looking up at your girlfriend.  “How does that help us?”

“Y/N,” she started, pulling you down into a seat.  She sat across from your, holding onto your hands in a comforting manner.  “I hate seeing you like this.  You get frustrated so easily, you know that?”

“One of the many traits I obtained from father dearest,” you answered with a sigh.  She chuckled, looking at your intertwined hands.

“The fact that we know we’re looking for a woman means we are one step closer to catching the unsub,” she said.  Her thumbs began to brush across your knuckles, the feathery feeling sending your heart into overdrive.  The effects she had on you were unbelievable.  “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

You looked up at her sudden confession.  Your lips pressed into a shy smile.

“You are so good at what you do and this whole discouraging yourself thing needs to stop,” she said sternly.  Protective girlfriend was shining through, and although sometimes it seemed overbearing, you couldn’t help but feel a ping of happiness at the thought of her caring so much.  

“I love you,” you said suddenly, admitting to her for the first time the feelings you had so strongly for her.  She smiled at your confession, squeezing your hand.  Slowly, she leaned in, capturing your lips with hers for a tender moment.

“I love you, too.”

“Anything Garcia?” Hotch asked.  She was currently typing away at her laptop that was searching for every con woman in Carlsbad.

“I’ve managed to narrow it down to three.”

“Any with a history of martial arts of any kind?  A self defense class or something like it?” Reid asked, remembering the profile you were all able to pull together.  The injures on the victims were placed in places only someone with a knowledge of self defense would know.

“Mary Kinkaide.  She took taekwondo as a kid for nine years until she was kicked out for violent behavior,” she said, reading off her screen.

“What’s the address?” Hotch said, grabbing his pistol.

“9930 Harbor Lane,” she replied in a hurry.

“Let’s go.”

Ten minutes later, agents were surrounding the house that belonged to Mary Kinkaide.  It wasn’t much of a house, more like a trailer, windows browned and broken, the front door practically hanging off the hinges.  You were in the middle of putting on your vest when the door to the trailer flew open, a man running out.

“She has a gun!” he yelled, diving to the ground. 

Just before you could turn and aim your gun at the physically fit woman who emerged from the trailer, a shot rang out and pain seared through your chest.  A few more shots rang out and in your fall to the ground, you watched Mary fall, too.

“Y/N!” you heard your father shout, but he sounded distant.

“No!” you heard the voice of your girlfriend.

The screams of your coworkers faded just as the world did.

(pov change)

She hadn’t left her side.  

Y/N was hanging on by a thread, and Emily could not stop trembling at the thought of losing her.

Her heart monitor continued to beep, the sound a constant reminder that she was still here.  She was alive, and she just had to hold on.

Emily held her hand, her fingers wrapped tightly around it.  Hearing footsteps approach the room, she quickly let go of her hand and sat up.

“Em?” JJ said from the door.  Emily looked up to meet her friend.  “You okay?”  Her face was etched with concern and wonder.

“Yeah,” Emily replied.  “I just...”  She didn’t know what to say.  The words were lost.

“None of us are ready to lose her,” JJ said, stepping closer to the bed.  “And I can promise you she’s not ready to leave us.”  Her voice was soft and comforting.  It was also knowing.  She knew.

Emily’s lip trembled as a tear fell down her cheek.  “I just... I love her so much,” she choked out.  Unable to keep in her emotions any longer, she lost it, breaking down in front of a strong agent and Y/N’s lifeless body.  JJ knelt down to Emily’s level, pulling her close in a comforting hug.

“It’s okay,” she said with a shaky voice.  “I promise it’s going to be okay.”

They sat like this for a while.  Once Emily had gathered herself, she told JJ she wanted to be alone with Y/N for the night.  Of course, David came in a few times to be with his daughter as well, and Emily couldn’t argue with that. 

It wasn’t until past midnight that the heartbeat monitor started to speed up.

Quickly, Emily sat up from her flopped position on the chair next to the hospital bed.  Without hesitation, she grabbed Y/N’s hand, squeezing it hard.

And after what seemed like forever, Y/N’s hand began to tense up, closing around the hand of her girlfriend.

“Y/N?” Emily said, her voice shaking.

“Em?” she started to reply, but her voice was hoarse.

“Y/N.”  Her name was a relief off her tongue.  In the next second, Emily was on her feet, enveloping Y/N in her embrace.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, but you’re kind of hurting me,” Y/N said with a wince.  Em smiled and released her.  

“I’m sorry.  I’m just so-”

“I know,” Y/N said cutting her off.  

Emily smiled down at the love of her life, her heart fluttering at the sight of her open eyes.  Without thinking about it, she leaned in and kissed her, their lips feeling right against each other.

“About time,” Morgan said, walking into the room.

“Yeah, it’s been what?  Five months?” Reid said, his hands stuffed in his pockets.  

Pulling away, Emily and Y/N shared a smile and both blushed.

“What?” David said, looking from Emily to his daughter back to Emily again.

“Um, so dad.  Em and I are...  Kind of a thing,” Y/N said with a pseudo guilty look on his face.

“Wasn’t it obvious?” Hotch said, walking into the room.

“You knew about this?” David asked, still trying to wrap his head around this new information.

“You didn’t?” JJ asked, arms crossed and a smile resting on her lips.

“Dio mio,” Dave mumbled to himself, shaking his head.

“Dad, you’re a profiler.”

“I’m also your father, so it’s hard to read you for some reason,” he replied, giving her a peck on the forehead.  “I guess she’s not so bad.”

“She’s wonderful,” Y/N said, pulling Emily back down for another kiss.

[tomeandflickcorner]

OUAT Episode Analysis- The Final Battle

 Well, this was an interesting episode.  I can’t say I completely hated it.  Sure, there were some points I think fell flat, and I certainly would have liked it if it played out differently at parts.  But, for what it was, I suppose it was okay.

The episode begins right when Black Fairy’s Dark Curse hits, during the reception after Emma and Killian’s wedding. When the smoke cloud clears, Henry finds himself lying alone on the rooftop, The Storybook lying nearby.  As he navigates the town, he discovers he can’t locate his family everywhere.  When he sees Archie, he tries to question him about what happened.  But he quickly finds out that Archie’s memory has been altered by the new Dark Curse.

Simply put, the Black Fairy has made everyone remaining in Storybrooke believe everything that occurred from the end of S1 onwards never happened.  When Henry ate the poisoned turnover, he fell into a coma, but was eventually revived due to Dr. Whale and his staff.  But because Emma had begun to believe Henry’s talk about curses and magical lands, she’s lived the past few years in the mental hospital.  And the Black Fairy, now going by her original name of Fiona, has instilled herself as the mayor of Storybrooke and Henry’s adoptive mother in place of Regina.

However, Henry has been able to escape the curse’s memory alteration.  Either because he was protected by his current Author status or because he’s the Truest Believer.  It’s never really stated which.  When he seeks out Emma at the mental hospital, he tries to convince her of the truth.  But the curse has left Emma convinced that Henry’s story is just a childish fantasy, and she just wants to get better so she can be released from the mental hospital and be a proper mother to her son.  Funny thing is, watching this made me think of that crazy theory that some fans were having, that this show would go the route of St. Elsewhere.  (For those of you who don’t know, St. Elsewhere was an American medical drama TV show from the 1980s.  In the final episode, it’s revealed the entire show was fabricated product of an autistic child’s fantasy.)  I can’t help but wonder if A&E were addressing that theory in this episode.

Things get a bit more complicated when the Black Fairy/Fiona interrupts Henry’s meeting with Emma and confiscates The Storybook.  After sending Henry away, Fiona, with the aid of Archie, tells Emma that if she really wants to get ‘better,’ she needs to help Henry put an end to his childish delusions.  And to do that, she must burn The Storybook.  Because doing so would indicate Emma’s acceptance that the stories within the book aren’t true.  However, even though she doesn’t remember anything that happened after Henry ate the poisoned turnover, Emma is exceedingly reluctant to destroy The Storybook, as she knows how much it means to Henry, and she doesn’t want to hurt him like that.  But Fiona insists that keeping The Storybook around is what’s hurting Henry more, and that he needs to grow up and accept reality.

This is when it gets a bit strange. While Emma and Henry were left behind in Storybrooke, Snow, Charming, Baby Neal, Killian and Regina were all transported to the Enchanted Forest.  More specifically Snowing’s old castle.  And my CS heart leapt when Killian’s first instinct was to check for Emma. Although, my heart was also breaking for him, considering he must have been having the worst sort of déjà vu. After all, this isn’t the first time he’s woken up in a completely new location and finding Emma wasn’t at his side despite his last memory was of holding her or her hand.  This is exactly how the Dark Swan arc began for him. Snow is able to keep it together, and reassures Killian and Regina that they’ll be able to find Emma and Henry.

Even though it was established in 3x17 that only Emma was powerful enough to use mirror magic to look between worlds, Snowing, Regina and Killian are able to look in on the conversation between Emma and Fiona, when Fiona was trying to convince Emma to burn the book. While everyone is clearly agitated over how they can’t get to Emma, (and how the Black Fairy is taunting them as it’s obvious she knows they’re watching), Snow instantly realizes that this was the final battle that they’d been warned about.  It wasn’t a physical battle like they thought it was.  It was an internal battle for Emma’s soul.  The Black Fairy’s goal is to make Emma stop believing in magic. Why?  Well, the answer is revealed with Zelena suddenly appears on the scene, along with a group of Munchins.  When asked how she got there, Zelena shows them a replica of Jefferson’s old magic hat.

And this is when my inner continuity checker’s ire is raised up another notch.  According to Zelena, Jefferson had backup magic hats.  Which is just ASININE!  I know it’s been ages since we’ve seen Jefferson on the show, but wasn’t the whole point to his storyline the fact that he was stranded in Wonderland because he couldn’t get another magic hat to get him back home to Grace?  And then we had Charming’s angst over how the original hat got destroyed, thereby preventing him from using it to get Emma and Snow back from the Enchanted Forest.  Now you’re telling me that Jefferson had a collection of backup magic hats this whole time?!  No. I’m calling horsebunk on this!

ANYWAY, regardless of that plot inconsistency, Zelena states that, while she wound up back in Oz, the land suddenly began to fall into an apocalyptic state.  And when she takes the Nevengers into the Hall of Door Portals with Jefferson’s hat, it’s revealed that Oz has been completely erased from existence.  It turns out that, for some reason, all the magical realms in existence were sustained by the belief of the Savior.  As long as the Savior is somewhat open to the existence of magic, the magical worlds are safe.  But, if Emma completely gives up on the possibility of magic and happy endings, the magical worlds will be destroyed.  Which seems like an odd direction to go in.  From what I can piece together, the Savior mantle only came into existence when Baby Rumple was born.  And, when Mama Black Fairy used the sheers on her baby, thereby separating him from the Savior mantle, other individuals, such as Aladdin and Emma, were magically chosen at random to try and fill in the void.  If that’s the correct understanding, that means there were magical realms long before the Savior mantle came into existence.  What was keeping the magical lands alive back then?  Guys, I think my brain is starting to hurt.  I always seem to put more thought into these plotlines than the writers do.  I gotta stop that!

Now that they know that Emma’s growing doubt is causing magical lands to blink out of existence, the Nevengers realize they have to reach her to stop her from giving up hope.  Killian is quick to step forward, stating he has an idea. But Regina dismisses him without bothering to listen to his idea, on the grounds that magical problems should be her category, and no one else’s.  Which was really a jerk move on her part.  Just a suggestion, Regina.  Maybe you should try listening to an idea before you decide to disregard it.  Of course, Killian is not about to let Regina’s snub deter him, so he proceeds to go along with his idea anyway, walking off without a word.

Killian’s idea is soon revealed to be obtaining a magical bean from atop the beanstalk.  The very same beanstalk that he and Emma climbed back when they’d first met.  This might seem like an odd idea, as it was clear from their last visit atop the beanstalk that the Land of the Giants was decimated, and the bean fields destroyed. But I guess the Black Fairy’s curse had restored the magical lands to their former glory.

Before Killian can start to climb the beanstalk, it’s revealed that Charming saw him leave and decided to follow him.  Which leads to a really great Captain Charming mini-adventure, which is probably one of the highlights of the episode.  Starting with Killian telling Charming about his first adventure with Emma.  He even gives a whole passionate account of how he and Emma both fought for their love, and how they made each other better. Guys, this whole subplot is really beautiful.  Killian really leaves no room to question his sheer devotion and love for Emma.  And it’s glaringly obvious that he doesn’t care what it takes, he is going to get home to his wife.  Charming is clearly moved by Killian’s tangible love for Emma, so he agrees to accompany Killian up the beanstalk.

When they reach the Land of the Giants, we get a bit more Captain Charming epicness.  Theorizing there might be a magic bean atop a dining table, Killian insists on being the one to go up and retrieve it.  He tells Charming that Emma may be his and Snow’s daughter, but she’s also his wife.  (Dare I mention how much I loved it to hear Killian repeatedly refer to Emma as his wife?) To Killian’s surprise, Charming doesn’t argue, and when Killian asks if Charming is really trusting their future to a pirate, Charming is all ‘no, I trust my son.’  Even though Charming is quick to amend his statement by adding in ‘in-law,’ it’s really too late.  He’s gone and called Killian his son, which is like the ultimate level of acceptance of a father to his daughter’s husband.  And Killian is visibly touched by that acceptance.

Anyway, Charming gives Killian a boost, helping him climb up the table.  For a few minutes, Killian navigates his way around the various foodstuffs lying atop the table.  Although he does momentarily pause to sniff at a wine cork, identifying it as coming from a bottle of merlot.  And with that, I’ve got a new headcanon!  I’ve long since suspected Killian was secretly a gourmet.  But with this episode, we have evidence that he’s also a wine connoisseur.  Killian Jones, you really are a man with a million talents!  Like it or not, you really were made to marry into royalty.

Killian eventually locates a potted bean plant, beneath a glass bell jar.  Using a cheese knife, he’s able to break through the glass and obtain a single magic bean.  But the moment he has one in his possession, he and Charming have to run for it, as they discover the place is being guarded by, not a giant, but a fire-breathing dragon.

Personally, I’m wondering why the writers decided to throw in a dragon.  I guess it was possible a dragon would have claimed the place as his home, since dragons can easily reach the Land of Giants due to their flight capabilities.  But even so, this seemed quite random to me.  Admittedly, I was really kinda hoping we’d see Anton again.  I mean, we’re already referencing Emma and Killian’s adventure atop the beanstalk.  Why not go all the way and bring Anton back?  After all, Anton knows Killian and Charming, and would be more than willing to give up a magic bean if he knew it was to help Emma.  Was Jorge Garcia just unavailable at the time they were filming this episode? Apart from that, why a dragon?  Was this dragon The Dragon?  Or was it supposed to be Lily’s long-lost Dragon Daddy?  It’s never really explained.  Regardless, Charming and Killian eventually get away from the dragon and begin their journey back down the beanstalk, magic bean in hand.  But as they’re climbing down, the beanstalk begins to sway violently.  The reason for that is because of what’s going on back in Storybrooke.

Henry, refusing to give up, manages to sneak Emma out of the mental hospital.  He takes her to the rooftop where she’d married Killian the day before. While Emma clearly isn’t buying Henry’s claims, when she stands on the platform where she and Killian exchanged vows, she gets flashes of memories of her wedding.  While Henry is visibly excited that Emma is starting to remember, Emma is still unsure.  Because, as far as she’s been convinced, she’s spent the past few years in a mental hospital. So she doesn’t feel like she can trust her own mind.  Emma states that all she wants to go back home to Boston, because if she stays in Storybrooke, she’s only going to be locked up again.  While at first Henry seems reluctant to this, he eventually agrees to help Emma escape Storybrooke, coming up with a plan to help her slip away in Archie’s car during the night.  When Henry sneaks into Archie’s office to get his car keys, he also retrieves The Storybook.  I guess his plan was to sneak it into Emma’s bag so she’d find it when she arrived in Boston, in the hopes that seeing it would help her remember.  Unfortunately, he’s intercepted by Fiona/Black Fairy, who somehow got tipped off by an unidentified whistleblower.  By this point, Black Fairy realizes that Henry remembers the truth, and attempts to stop him.

Henry, unfortunately, ends up doing something that was pretty stupid in hindsight.  Instead of just running off when he had the chance, he decides to stop at the top of a flight of stairs to spout off some ‘you’ll never win’ speech at the Black Fairy.  So of course, this gives Black Fairy the chance to magically push him down the stairs, resulting in Henry being taken to the hospital with a broken arm.  She then comes up with a story about how Henry’s ‘delusions’ have escalated to the point when he’s a danger to himself.  Because security footage isn’t able to detect magic, it looks as if Henry fell down the stairs on his own.  Using this, Fiona is able to convince Emma that she needs to burn The Storybook in order to make Henry give up his childhood fantasies, stating that the next time this happens, Henry might end up breaking his neck.  So, despite Henry’s pleas, Emma reluctantly consents to Fiona’s request, depositing The Storybook in the hospital’s furnace and allowing it to catch fire.

 I don’t think I have to state how watching this moment wasn’t crushing.  It’s a really traumatic scene, especially as the camera focuses on the book as it’s destroyed.  And, as the book burns, and Emma’s lingering belief starts to die alongside it, the Enchanted Forest itself is also affected, with the beanstalk beginning to fall over, with Charming and Killian still on it.

As the beanstalk falls, Snow is able to sense something happened to Charming through the Power of True Love. With the help of Jasmine, who also came back in this episode, she sets off to locate him.  When they reach the spot where the beanstalk fell, they quickly find Killian lying among the debris, miraculously unscathed.  Because he’s still a survivor, even now.  (We also get a really cute moment of Killian calling Snow ‘mommy,’ which really put a huge smile on my face.)  However, they quickly realize Charming is unaccounted for. When Killian voices his intention to stay and help locate Charming, Snow tells him that Emma’s need is greater, and that he needs to go use the magic bean to get to Emma.  Killian therefore heads off in agreement, while Snow begins to traverse the fallen beanstalk to locate Charming.  She eventually finds Charming lying unconscious, and the episode proceeds to try and trick us into thinking they actually killed him off. But in all seriousness, was anyone actually falling for that?  Snow ends up reviving him with a kiss, leading to an admittedly cute moment with them parodying the moment they had after Charming first woke Snow from the Sleeping Curse in the Pilot and 1x22.  They then hurry off to rejoin the others, only to find that Killan’s bean was sapped of its magic, and can no longer open a portal.  Meaning they’re all still trapped in the dying Enchanted Forest.  Although Regina and Evil Queen (who also returns in this episode, as Wish World is also being affected by the current crisis) decide to try and rejuvenate the bean with their combined magic.  Because both women are concerned for Henry’s well-being, and want to make sure he’s okay.

Come to think of it, why couldn’t Killian just activate the magic bean the moment he obtained it?  Why did he have to report back to the castle where Zelena and Regina were working on finding a solution before using it?  I’m just saying, time was off the essence. And, by wasting time in going back to the castle to rejoin the others, Killian really lost his chance to use the magic bean.  This could have all been solved right then and there, had Killian used the magic bean the moment he was free from the beanstalk debris.  Seeing as how Emma clearly reacted to the sight of the illustration of Killian from his debut episode as she watched the book burning, I’m pretty sure that seeing Killian in person would have been enough to convince Emma of the truth.  But I guess A&E either didn’t think of that, or they were too focused on finishing the story their way.  There’s something I can say about that, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

Anyway, Fiona doesn’t hesitate to take the fact that The Storybook is destroyed and rub it in Henry’s face. Henry is crushed, but he refuses to accept defeat.  So when he seeks out Emma as she’s preparing to leave for Boston, he secretly slips a backup book he made in her bag.  He apparently just threw this book together in his hospital bed.  And on a personal note, I do notice Henry’s drawing ability has significantly improved since S1.  (image credit goes to kissthemgoodbye.net)

Emma eventually finds the backup book when she reaches her old apartment in Boston.  While it did give off some nice nostalgia feels, especially when we see that blue star birthday candle still lying on the countertop, it still gives me a bit of a headache.  A&E either don’t know how renting apartments work or they simply don’t care. Not only do we get Neal’s crappy squatter den lying empty despite the fact that no one has payed rent on the place since the end of the Neverland arc, now we’re supposed to believe Emma’s Boston apartment has been sitting exactly as she left it four years ago. (Because we actually have a time frame for the show now.  Henry was 10 when he showed up at Emma’s doorstop in the Pilot.  And in this episode, Henry’s current age has been stated to be 14.  So it’s been roughly four years since Emma first set foot in Storybrooke.)

Either way, when Emma finds the backup book and reads what Henry wrote in it, which is a retelling of how she faced down Dragon Maleficent and later woke Henry with TLK, it makes something resonate with Emma.  While she still doesn’t remember the truth, she is inspired by the concept of a woman who doesn’t run away from a fight.  She later admits that, while she still doesn’t believe that she’s the Savior, the person that Henry wrote about is the person she wants to be.  So, she decides to go back to Storybrooke.  In doing so, she unknowingly halts the destruction of the Enchanted Forest.  And in the nick of time, as the Nevengers and the remaining magical refugees were only seconds from being swallowed up.

Meanwhile, while all this was going on, we got a subplot with Gold and Gideon.  Under the guise of Black Fairy’s curse, they were led to believe that Belle walked out on them when Gideon was a baby and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.  As such, the accepted story is that Gold raised Gideon alone, with the occasional help from Mayor Fiona.  However, Gold is clearly questioning that story, and asks Mayor Fiona to reopen the case about Belle’s disappearance, stating he refuses to believe that Belle would just walk out on them.  To placate him, Fiona shows him some photos of Belle in front of the Eiffel Tower and other famous landmarks.  She states the police had found those photos ages ago, but she’d wanted to spare Gold the pain of seeing the truth with his own eyes.  While this was a clever idea on Black Fairy’s part, she really should have polished up her Photoshop skills.  Because even I could tell those photos were faked.  However, Gold doesn’t challenge Fiona’s ‘evidence’ and goes on his way.  But later on, when Henry enters his shop after Emma left town, he discovers that Gold was concocting a locator spell in the back room, intending to use it on Belle’s copy of Her Handsome Hero in order to find out where she is.  Which means Gold had also somehow escaped the memory alteration of the Black Fairy’s curse. Unsurprisingly, Gold states he’s not willing to help Henry get Emma’s hope back, because all he cares about is finding Belle and whatnot. Which makes me wonder why they still even bother asking for his help.  Gold’s never going to care about the Nevengers.

When Gold ends up using the locator spell, he tracks Belle down to this random house, where Belle has been reduced to a timid and fearful agoraphobic, who cowers at the mere sight of him. This apparently angers him, as when he comes face-to-face with Fiona again, he completely drops the ignorant act by calling her ‘mother.’  We then get this whole scene with Black Fairy going on about how, with Emma no longer believing and the magical realms wiped out, they can rule the world together, and even find a way to defy the laws of magic, including bringing Neal back to life. Honestly, at this point, I might have been rolling my eyes too loudly to really catch what they were saying. I kept thinking about how this was what Jafar was planning to do in the Wonderland spinoff.  In the end, Gold declares that he simply doesn’t trust his mother and subsequently kills her with her own wand.  (There was a scene earlier when Black Fairy regained her wand with the help of Gideon, who was still under Heart Control)  Personally, I think the Black Fairy’s defeat was bit too easy.  Especially since she was supposed to be the Ultimate Big Bad of the entire show.  What made it even stranger was how they seemed to be saying that Gold was fulfilling his destiny by killing the Black Fairy or something.  But that’s not the case, as Black Fairy separated Gold from his fate when she used the sheers on her baby.

Unfortunately, while Black Fairy’s death helped break the curse, restoring Emma’s memories, and apparently bringing everyone back into Storybrooke, it doesn’t change the fact that Gideon had been commanded via Heart Control to kill Emma.  Even though the Black Fairy is dead, her order remains. So we get a final battle scene with Emma and Gideon.  

At the same time, Gold and Belle are trying to find Gideon’s heart, so they can try and circumvent the Black Fairy’s order.  Although, I feel I should point out that Gold isn’t motivated by the desire to do the right thing and prevent Emma’s death.  He’s only interested in saving his son.  Gold eventually finds the heart, and, after a really bizarre moment when the Rumple Hallucination from the Dark Swan arc returns to try and talk Gold out of stopping Gideon, it’s determined that Gold can’t Heart Command Gideon to ignore the Black Fairy’s final order.  Because Black Fairy placed a failsafe spell on Gideon’s heart to prevent that from happening.

While all this is happening, Emma is crossing blades with Gideon, while the rest of the Nevengers stand and watch.  During the whole battle, Emma spouts off what really was a well-spoken speech about what it means to be the Savior- she is a pinnacle of hope and light, inspiring others around her, and how they never strike down an innocent.  Ultimately, Emma decides to drop her sword and simply allow Gideon to kill her.  Because she knows that killing Gideon would only lead to her heart turning dark again. And once again, my heart breaks for Killian as he reacts to seeing Emma’s willingness to sacrifice herself like that. However, no one can do anything as Gideon stabs Emma with his sword, resulting in light pouring out of Emma’s body.

When the light clears, Emma is lying motionless on the ground.  Until Henry revives her with TLK, which is an obvious callback to the S1 finale.  And we then see Gideon was de-aged to a baby again, much to the delight of Belle and Gold.  The Storybook even rematerializes a short distance away, and when Henry looks at the end, he sees new words have been written there, which explain what happened.  Something about how, because Emma and Gold both chose to do the right thing at the same time, it magically fixed everything.  Admittedly, I have no idea whatsoever what exactly just happened. It just feels like one great big Deux Ex Machina moment.  And that’s something that kinda bothers me.  It’s like A&E placed 95% of their effort on writing the buildup, but only 5% on the actual payoff.  I really get the feeling that they just wanted to wrap everything up quickly so we’d be getting a nice Happily Ever After ending to this story, because it wasn’t certain that S7 would be greenlighted and they therefore knew that it was possible this would end up being the series finale.  While I do understand their situation wasn’t ideal, I still would have liked to see more effort put into this ending.

Don’t get me wrong, now. Because I understand why they chose to have Henry be the one to wake Emma up.  But I still feel a bit put out that they didn’t let Killian do the honors. Maybe it’s just my personal bias, but even so, there really has been an unfortunate pattern that’s been going on for a while.  How did the Underworld arc end?  With Emma teaming up with Regina to chase after the renegade Henry, with Emma being reprimanded for daring to question Regina’s goodness, while Snowing and Killian got trapped in the LOUS.  And the day is ultimately saved because of Henry and the wishing fountain, while Snowing and Killian contributed nothing of merit.  What happened in the transition between the Patchwork arc and the Black Fairy arc?  Emma was paired up with Regina in Wish World, where Emma was not only given a personality downgrade, but got subjected to emotional trauma when Regina murdered the Wish World version of Emma’s parents before her very eyes.  Meanwhile, Killian and Charming, who were both back in Storybrooke, weren’t able to do anything to aid Emma.  And now we get this finale, when Emma is once again separated from her parents and True Love, as well as being tossed into a mental hospital.  And it’s ultimately Henry who solves everything while Killian, Snow and Charming ultimately achieve nothing.  Guys, I get that Emma’s relationship with her son is important. And I appreciate the effort at establishing a friendship between Emma and Regina.  But for crying out loud!  Why couldn’t you let Killian help save the day this time?  While he did come up with the plan to get a magic bean, that ultimately didn’t lead to anything in the grand scheme of things. It’s almost like they’re saying Emma’s relationship with Henry and Regina is more important than the one between her parents and True Love.  Why couldn’t we have gotten at least one more True Love confirmation between Emma and Killian?  Especially since this is the last time we’re really going to get to see them together on our TV screens?

Regardless of that, Snow ends up delivering her last hope speech, stating that even though they’ve reached the end of Henry’s Storybook, it doesn’t mean their stories are over.  Because now they can continue on living their lives and making a new story along the way.  As such, we’re given a whole montage of sorts.  Snow and Charming move out of the loft apartment and move into a little farmhouse, where Charming appears to have become a stay-at-home dad while Snow continues teaching (even though she really should be past the whole lesson on birds.)  We also briefly see what I believe was supposed to be Charming’s old dog, Wilby! Not sure where that wonderful dog was hiding all this time, but whatever.  Regina continues her position of mayor, although the dwarfs have replaced the word ‘mayor’ with ‘queen’ on her office door.  I can appreciate how people might take issue with this. Because it’s really Snow and Charming who are the rightful rulers here.  Regina only became queen by usurping the throne.  But in the end, she gets rewarded for that by keeping her position of authority.  So, I don’t really fault the people who got angry by this ending.  But I suppose I’ve been desensitized by it, since they really have been white-washing Regina since S4.  (We also get a brief moment when it’s heavily implied Evil Queen is now engaged to Robin Clone.  Which was clearly thrown in to appease the Outlaw Queen fanbase.)

Anyway, Emma continues on as sheriff, with her Yellow Bug being turned into a squad car, complete with a detachable red light.  But Killian is now at her side, sporting a shiny new deputy badge.  Meaning they’re now official partners of the Storybrooke law enforcement.  I’m fine with this, as they’ve been a team for quite a while now.  It’s just been made official by giving Killian an actual badge.  And we then see Belle and Gold are back together.  Which I wouldn’t mind so much, except for the fact that I really don’t think Gold deserves it.  Gold has been practically irredeemable since the start of S4.  And during the course of the Patchwork arc, he was terrorizing Belle, trapping her against her will on the Jolly Roger, slapping a tracking device on her, and made her so scared for her baby’s safety, she sent Baby Gideon away.  Apart from that, he was clearly messing around with Evil Queen.  But now, Belle is willing to instantly forgive all of that? I know that it’s possibly a callback to what Killian said during the Dark Swan arc, about how all your sins can be forgiven if someone loves you.  But the main difference between Killian and Gold is that Killian is genuinely remorseful for the bad things he’s done.  I’ve never gotten any reason to believe that Gold regrets anything.  He hasn’t done a single thing to make up for what he’s done in the past.  Not to mention he’s never been held accountable for re-killing Milah, as the Nevengers probably still believe Hades was the one who condemned her.  He’s also still the freaking Dark One, people!  He hasn’t given up his power to be with Belle, meaning he has managed to have both, despite the narrative telling us before that that wasn’t possible.  And yet, because his actions benefited the good guys in the end, everyone instantly forgives him, to the point when the Nevengers even let him sit with them at their big family dinner at Granny’s? No.  Just, no!  At the very least, I can’t help but think Killian is not okay with this.  But he probably puts up with it because he doesn’t want to make waves with his family.

I’m really sorry, because I try really hard to not be so negative about the show.  But the writers are really notorious for letting the bad guys get away with things.  No one ever found out about how Regina killed Graham.  And they turn a blind eye to every questionable thing she’s done as part of Team Hero.  She probably STILL hasn’t returned the hearts she has stashed away.  Zelena, despite the fact that she raped Robin by deception by impersonating his dead wife, is allowed to raise Baby Robyn.  And Gold, despite the fact that he really doesn’t give a bat’s behind about any of the Nevengers and only cared about keeping his son safe, is granted a full pardon and accepted into the fold. It’s really hard to stomach. Especialy since the people who have actually made an effort to be good people, like Snow, Charming, Emma and Killian, have to really struggle and fight to obtain their happy endings.  But Regina, Zelena and Gold get their happy endings practically giftwrapped for them after doing one good deed at the bottom of the ninth.  What kind of message does this send people?  That being good means you have to struggle to hold on to the good things in life, but if you’re deceitful, conniving and willing to backstab people when you deem it necessary, you’ll end up getting your way? Guys, we get enough of that in real life.  We don’t want the same sort of thing in our fairy tale stories.  But again, I get it- A&E wanted to make sure the story ended up with everyone being happy.  The fact that a lot of things went unresolved was just an unfortunate side-effect of that.

Now, the Black Fairy.  After all is said and done, I really think she was quite a poor choice for a final Big Bad.  Granted, when it comes to pure nastiness, this woman really did get top marks. I’ll give her that much.  But… what exactly was her motivation for doing all of this?  I get that she was initially trying to prevent her son’s death and all, but….what exactly did Emma have to do with that?  How exactly was the Black Fairy supposed to benefit from breaking Emma’s spirit and destroying all the magical realms and everyone in them?  Even Tamara, who was probably among the dumbest bad guys on the show, had an established motivation for what she was doing. She was essentially a magic Nazi who felt that magic was unnatural and had to be purged from the world.  But the Black Fairy?  The only real explanation we get with her is basically ‘I’m just evil.’ There was nothing that stupendous about her to really set her apart from the other Big Bads, like Ingrid, Pan and Hades. In fact, her defeat was almost insultingly easy.  So why exactly was she picked to be the Final Boss Battle villain?  It makes me wonder if A&E were originally planning to have either Regina or Rumple fill the necessary role, but they changed their minds at the last minute for whatever reason.  So, knowing they needed a substitute bad guy, they decided to pull a random name out a hat and went with the character Shady Blue mentioned in passing back in 3x11.

Overall, I feel the episode was a bit of a letdown in two very vital areas.  First, the Captain Swan aspect.  Don’t get me wrong, because I totally understand why they decided to focus on Swan Believer.  Considering that was the relationship that helped kickstart the whole series, it’s only natural they’d decide to have it come full circle.  And I agree, the relationship between Emma and Henry is very important.  But honestly, it really felt like the episode was building up to some epic Captain Swan TL moment.  First, we got Killian revisiting the beanstalk from his first adventure with Emma, complete with his whole vehement speech to Charming about how he and Emma fought for their love and won.  And Emma’s memories were briefly jogged by simply standing on the spot where she married Killian, and she later seemed to react to seeing the illustration of Killian from 2x04.  So we had an obvious buildup to something truly epic for Captain Swan in this two-part finale.  But we didn’t really get much of a payoff on that.  While the scene with them in the Yellow Bug, with Killian wearing a shiny new deputy badge, was a really nice moment to witness, the fact remains that this might be the last time we really see Captain Swan on our screens.  It would have been nice to have seen them have a bit more of a sendoff.  Particularly one last TL confirmation.  I’m just saying, they’ve given a TLK to practically every other couple.  But Emma and Killian have had zero successful TLK moments.  I know they passed a TL test designed by the gods themselves, and that’s something no one else can boast.  But still, considering how many times they’ve attempted a TLK, it would have been nice to have seen a successful one between them.

I also kinda feel let down in regards to Gold and his ultimate fate.  Ever since the start of S4, he really was coming across as completely unredeemable. Particularly during and after the Underworld arc.  And the episode before this one even had a glaring reminder about the blood feud that existed between Killian and Gold.  Not only do we get Killian vowing to finally skin his crocodile, but he even got a full song about how much he wanted to kill Rumpelstiltskin. But, because Gold’s actions at the last minute helped save the day, it’s like all is forgiven and forgotten?  I’m sorry, but even if I didn’t hate Gold, I think I’d still see this as a major copout. I guess I just have to keep in mind that the show isn’t actually over at this point, and we’re getting a 7th season.  Hopefully, they’ll finally resolve the centuries-old conflict between Killian and Gold then. After all, it’s already been revealed Belle won’t be in the new season.  So, without Belle around, there’s really no excuse for them to not address the Killian vs. Gold aspect of the show. 

Finally, it’s time to discuss the final subplot that sprang up in this episode.  Each half of this two-parter started off with showing us something that was going down in the Enchanted Forest.  The placement of these scenes in the timeline is currently unknown. But we see a young man being pursued by an unseen entity.  He entrusts his young daughter with The Storybook, instructing her to guard it with her life, and make sure the dark entity hunting them does not find it.  He then stays behind to fight the unseen danger while the little girl runs for it.  Sometime later, she returns to the site of the cottage where they were living, only to find it destroyed, and her father’s charred sword lying on the ground. Out of nowhere, Tiger Lily appears, instructing the little girl to not cry, as her father wouldn’t have wanted her to shed tears on his behalf.  Tiger Lily tasks the little girl with bringing The Storybook to her mother, reassuring her that, while the future is uncertain, the fairies have foreseen that she’ll be reunited with her father one day.

And then, in the final few moments of the episode, we see the same little girl.  This time, she’s in the modern realm, somewhere in Seattle. According to the timecard, years have passed since the Black Fairy’s defeat.  The little girl, who is revealed to be called Lucy, locates Room 815 in some apartment complex.  When she knocks on the door, the man who emerges is the same man we saw in the opening. And it’s here we find out that the young man is an Adult Henry.  And Lucy is his daughter.  (Looks like we can add a few more branches in the ever-growing OUAT family tree)  In an obvious homage to the Pilot, Adult Henry is clearly meeting Lucy for the first time, which presents the obvious question of who the mother is and why she never told Henry about their kid.  Lucy informs Adult Henry that his family needs him, which is also an obvious homage to the Pilot.

So, yeah.  Henry’s an adult now.  And he has a daughter called Lucy.  This should be interesting.  Especially since Henry is now living quite a fair distance from Storybrooke, Maine.  I realize it’s only natural he’d want to build a life of his own upon reaching adulthood.  But moving from Maine to Washington is quite a move.  It makes me wonder what made him decide to move so far away from his family and friends in Storybrooke.  And again, the fact that he clearly didn’t know about Lucy makes you wonder what the situation was with the baby mama.  I believe A&E have already stated that it’s not Violet, which doesn’t surprise me at all.  Especially since they were together when they were 14.  While it’s not unheard of, it’s extremely rare for people to form lasting romantic relationships at that age.

And so, things are set up for the 7th season.  I honestly have mixed feelings about it.  Yes, this small sample has piqued my interest.  However, since Jennifer has stated she’s not planning to come back for more than one episode, and Josh and Ginny aren’t coming back at all, we’ll be losing Emma, and Snow and Charming.  But Colin is going to continue his role of Killian Jones.  As much as I love Killian as an individual character, I don’t think I could bear to watch him get through an entire season without his wife and in-laws, even if does get to spend time with his stepson and long-lost step-granddaughter, Lucy.  My main concern is that, when A&E first mentioned the character we now know is Adult Henry, they described him as a young man who came from a broken home. So, naturally, that leaves me a bit concerned with what S7 has done with Captain Swan.  If they break them up, or make it so Emma died or something, I will be TICKED.  Because they spent 5 years building up Emma and Killian’s love story, and it’s probably the most popular ship on the show.  So A&E will be proving they’re morons if they decide to ruin their happily ever after. So, whether or not I bother with the next season will largely depend on how they explain Emma’s absence through the next season.  

Either way, I thank the actors who have put their time and energy into brining the characters we love to life. I thank the writers who, despite quite a few questionable decisions they made along the way, have given us an amazing modern day fairy tale.  And I thank the fandom who have truly made the show a phenomenon, and will continue to keep the spirit of the show alive through fanart and fanfiction.  I have even made quite a few irreplaceable friends because of this show, and I will always be grateful for that.

(Click here to read more Episode Analyses)

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: October 2019

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of October 2019 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

In a really, really mature move proven liar Boris Johnson sent a letter to the EU to request a Britait extension but didn’t sign it, in a feeble attempt to try and say that an official letter from his office doesn’t count if he didn’t sign it and he absolutely should not have to fulfill his promise of claiming he’d rather be dead in a ditch than request an extension

Of course Priti Patel would try and claim the Tories are the party of law and order during her conference speech in spite the minor issue her speech came a week after the Tories were ruled to have unlawfully suspended parliament, because what else did she have other than a strawman about he “North London Liberal Elite” to say for herself?

...although we can thank Geoffrey Clifton-Brown for completely undermining Patel’s speech by his being arrested at the conference due to getting into a punch-up with event security  an hour before Patel even took to the stage

Hapless businesswoman Jennifer Arcuri would look a lot less like she’d been handed a script if she asked what business of ours is it to ask why a six-figure sum of public money ended up in her bank account courtesy of proven liar Boris Johnson, rather than the narrative she attempted to spin asking who we are to ask whether or not he had an affair...because the actual question is a matter for the courts instead of the court of public opinion, as whoever wrote her script knew all too well

In the latest bout of the Liberal Democrats showing how they’re definitely not Tories in disguise, all nineteen of the MPs abstained on a vote to keep the NHS out of Britait negotiations and, in the process, handed Boris Johnson his first-ever parliamentary win over Jeremy Corbyn - which Jo Swinson attempted to defend by squawking “something something antisemitism” in an attempt to distract people from noting the day before she couldn’t stop talking about the handful of Labour MPs who voted in favour of the proven liar's Britait timetable as she continues to try and delude herself and others into believing she’s a kingmaker and not a Tory enabler

...although she’s not alone in that regard, as Gavin Shuker took to Twitter to say how The Independents would do anything in their power to prevent Jeremy Corbyn getting into Downing Street, which only serves to justify him losing a No Confidence vote from his constituents when standing as a Labour MP 

It says a lot about Blizzard that their response to Hearthstone streamer Blitzchung voicing support for the Hong Kong protestswas to boot him out of an upcoming Hearthstone tournament, suspend him from any further Hearthstone tournaments for a full year, and withhold the earnings he had made - and attempting to hide behind their competition rules does not adequately explain why they also ditched the two commentators who happened to be hosting when Blitzchung made the comments in spite their cutting to commercial as soon as he made them, which definitely does not make it look like Blizzard are shit scared of losing the Chinese esports market or anything considering they didn;t do a damn thing to any American players or commentators who subsequently spoke up on Blitzchung’s behalf...

It didn’t take long for the BBC to start gaslighting the public during the election campaign, with Fiona Bruce telling a Question Time audience member that Vote leave was cleared of breaking electoral law in spite the fact that they were found guilty of breaking electoral law, at which point panellists Paul Scully and gaslighter extraordinaire Isabel Oakeshott piled in to continue the bullying somebody who showed more aptitude for journalism than Bruce, Oakeshott and Scully managed between them

I have no idea how Rudy Giuliani managed to give a journalist on the Orange Overlord’s no-no list reason to further investigate the Trump regime leaning on foreign governments to dig up dirt on their opponents when his right buttcheek somehow dialled their number, but what I do know is that it does not surprise me in the slightest that the stop fell into a journalist’s lap because Giuliani was so careless he managed to butt dial them

I’m sure it’s a coincidence that both James Cleverly and Mark Francois both used their Tory conference speeches to threaten rioting on the streets if Britait isn't done, which definitely isn’t a well-worn trope of the Leave camp by this point and certainly not something the police should look into

Isn’t it interesting how Lib Dem staffer Steve Wilson was quick to accuse Dawn Butler of making up incidents of experiencing racist abuse, which not only undermined the Lib Dems’ attempts to portray themselves as anything other than the Tories under a different coat of paint, especially considering the fact that Wilson just so happens to be husband of recent Lib Dem appointee Angela “funny tinge” Smith?

I’m sure we’ll be hearing a lot about how Matt Hancock tried to claim that the 20,000 new police officers the Tories claim will be on the streets by 2025 will replace the 21,000 they have laid off since 2010 in an interview with Good Morning Britain, just as I am sure people will mention he kept repeating his soundbite even when being told that the UK will still be 1000 police officers worse off than they were ten years ago several times until he started to look like a malfunctioning computer

Of course Louise Ellman responded to a vote of no confidence being called against her by her local party by resigning from the Labour party and using the usual “Corbyn is an antisemite” arguments we heard numerous times before from people facing deselection.  It’s passed cliche and is rapidly headed towards high camp at this point

...especially when Karen Pollock of the Holocaust Educational Trust posted a video to her Twitter telling her followers how terrible it is that Labour are looking to have Jo Bird replace Ellman and regurgitated the exact same claims of antisemitism...yet never once deigned to mention that Bird is Jewish, which looks uncannily like the “wrong type of Jews” argument we’ve heard more than once from the Board of Deputies

Of course Anne Sacoolas expressed regret at her reckless driving being responsible for the death of Harry Dunn...after she legged it back across the Atlantic as soon as humanly possible, waiting a few days for the heat to die down, and then issuing a press release saying she regrets her actions but will not actually face consequences for them due to scurrying to hide behind diplomatic immunity in record time

On paper it looked as if WWE had merely given wrestler Jordan Myles a really unimaginative shirt design because the character they gave him is Smiley Guy Who Is Happy To Be Here 708...but the thing is that, on paper, the design didn’t look uncannily like something from a minstrel show, which Myles was particularly vocal about when he saw it - and even more vocal when WWE’s statement in response was the usual ass-covering gaslighting they issue when the company is shown in a bad light 

It appears that the BBC are taking the threats against politicians so seriously that they invited Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer onto the Question Time panel little more than a week after she shared the home address of Jo Maugham on her Twitter account so her followers could happily dogpile

You would think that Bethesda would have learned that Fallout 76 has been nothing but a humiliation conga line for them by this point, but apparently not, as they had the genius idea of charging $99.99 (or £99.99, because fuck British players amirite?) for a premium subscription for a game that came out to critical derision and commercial stagnation a year before someone hit on this idea, and if that wasn’t humiliating enough it soon transpired that the supposed benefits of paying $13 a month didn’t work to the point where players paying the premium were losing items while those who weren’t had no problems at all  

Once again it seems nobody told Extinction Rebellion that there’s a way to protest that doesn’t mainly involve being a bunch of dickheads and generally pissing people off with dickheaded stunts, with James Brown taking the prize for most dickheaded act after he climbed on top of a plane at Heathrow, although the bloke at Canning Town getting a shoeing after trying to hold up the train runs him a close second

I have no idea how Roland Rudd imagined his boardroom coup to take over the People’s Vote campaign would have gone, but I’m going to guess the mass walkout of staff when his plan to make the campaign a fully-fledged political party who would position as pro-business “liberals” in an obvious bid to try and split the Labour vote may have had something to do with it

The sheer spinelessness of the BBC was exposed for all to see when it emerged that a solitary complaint from a viewer was all it took for the corporation to reprimand Naga Mulchetty for suggesting that Donald Trump saying non-white congresswomen should go back where they came from, yet when Brendan O’Neill saying people should take to the streets and riot if Britait isn’t delivered received over 600 complaints no action was taken.  And as if that didn’t make it any clear, when Priti Patel was called out by Andrew Marr for smirking through an interview when a list of businesses facing bankruptcy due to Britait drew a couple of hundred complaints, the corporation issued a grovelling apology that said they should not make light of Patel’s natural facial expression, even though there’s a wealth of evidence that smirking is not her natural facial expression

Funny how the dogwhistling boneheads have nothing to say about Jess Phillips’ mental flub during an interview when she claimed she'd knocked on the doors of 25,000 doors in the previous two weeks when she meant to say 2500, yet have spent the past two years continuously howling about the one time Diane Abbott flubbed her sums in an interview.  Hmm, I wonder why the white middle-class Phillips gets better treatment than the black working-class Abbott...

Luckily for Rebekah Vardy it isn’t exactly difficult to do a disservice to the image of footballers wives, but her being caught out leaking stories that Coleen Rooney planted on her Instagram to find out who was leaking stories to The Sun wasn’t the logical defence of trying to claim that The Sun hacked Rooney’s phone as they have previous in that regard but to reel off ever-more spurious attempts at a denial and threatening legal action

In a desperate bid for attention Tracy Ann Oberman accused Jeremy Corbyn of stalking her at her place of work by posting a selfie of herself standing near a table where Corbyn, his wife and Shami Chakrabarti were having a cup of tea at a theatre in Corbyn’s constituency, and to prove she’s definitely not unhinged this soon degenerated into her getting into the usual vicious Twitter spats that occur when her behaviour is called out

Pity poor Savid Javid for having to endure the pain and humiliation of Hugh Grant not shaking his hand at a film premiere.  Of course, maybe if Javid didn’t publicly dismiss the concerns of those who have been victims of press intrusion, maybe he wouldn’t be in a situation where a victim of press intrusion such as Hugh Grant would not want to shake his hand at a film premiere...

It was finally revealed how mug salesman Steven Crowder looks borderline informed when in debates with other people.  It’s because his father prevents him from taking part in debates against opponents who will show him up as the ill-informed blowhard that he is.  Yes, really

Sentient testicle Toby Young decided this month’s dogwhistling about Meghan Markle would be how she obviously can’t be depressed as the rich and famous are never depressed, which plumbed new depths of ignorance even for him 

Britain’s most triggered man Piers Moron Morgan thought he was being clever when asking Good Morning Britain viewers to vote in a poll about whether he should be fired or not.  The look on his face when 56% of voters said he should be sacked revealed how clever he actually is... 

And of course, what would a month be without Donald Trump being utterly moronic, on this occasion saying it’s okay for the Kurds to be attacked as they didn’t help the US in World War II in spite the act that a.) They did, and b.) KURDISTAN IS NOT A COUNTRY.  But then again, he does seem to be running out of material as the best he can say about Joe Biden is “But his text messages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”