#and not because life or death or fear but just because they’re so overwhelmed with love for one another | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kikyoupdates · 2 months ago

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Leave Your Mark ⭑˚🧪⭑ 𝑛𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑠

bnha x f!reader

reverse harem, isekai, my hero academia x fem!reader, slowburn

You didn’t accomplish anything in your previous life. Looking back on it, you feel nothing but regret, and you yearn for the chance to do things differently. As it turns out, your wish is answered, and you are reborn into your favorite fictional world. This time, you resolve to make a change, and you have the means to do it. You won’t be content with just sitting on the sidelines and letting life pass you by. You will live boldly and vibrantly, as if every moment is your last. No matter what it takes, you are going to leave your mark.

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Death has a tendency to sneak up on people when they least expect it.

In your case, it happens when you are only sixteen years old, riding the bus on the way back from school. You’re scrolling absentmindedly through your phone, earbuds pushed in so deep that they block out all the noise in the background. The music on your playlist is blasting at full-force, perhaps too loudly, but you prefer it this way. You prefer to be able to focus on your own thoughts.

Your eyes close, and you allow your mind to drift off. You pretend that you’re inside your room, protected by the four walls you’ve come to cherish and rely on. It’s easier to be alone. It’s what you’re used to, what comes naturally to you, and in all your years of living, you’ve never once thought to venture outside of your comfort zone.

When a car suddenly skids from the oncoming traffic lane and crashes into the bus, you are forced to rethink your life choices.

The bus lurches from the impact. You can feel your body being flung out of the seat, and you swear it doesn’t make sense, because everything is happening too fast. Your body doesn’t feel as if it’s your own. It’s as if it’s weightless, and there’s a pit in your stomach that wasn’t there just a moment ago.

You can’t really make sense of how everything unfolds. All you know is that you’re lying on the floor of the bus, and your earbuds have fallen out, despite your best efforts to bury them snug. Your eyes are wide, disbelieving, as you stare ahead at the countless other civilians that have been caught up in the crash. From what you can tell, some of them are gravely injured. Others are lucky enough to have gotten away with some bruising and a bump on their head.

That’s the most you can piece together, because your vision is slowly fading. The side of your head feels awfully slick for some reason. You don’t really understand why, not until one of the injured kids on the bus points to you and starts wailing.

Ah.

Your skull has been cracked open, and you’re about to die.

Someone rushes towards you. They look like they’ve sprained their wrist, but otherwise, they’re in relatively good shape. You can only watch, unable to move or muster up a sound, as they pull out a napkin and use it to try and put pressure on your wound.

Based on how quickly everything is turning dark, you can tell that it’s a futile effort.

I’m dying. I’m really dying.

You’re afraid. Of course you are. Is there anyone who doesn’t fear death? Not that it makes any difference. Once death has set its sights on someone, it’s impossible to escape.

There’s another emotion weighing you down though, and compared to fear, you would argue that it’s much more overwhelming.

Regret. More than anything else, you feel regret. What did you spend these last sixteen years doing? You hardly have anyone you can call a friend, you put little effort into maintaining a good relationship with your family, and you’ve never accomplished or done anything that you can feel genuinely proud of.

You’ve wasted your entire life, and it’s too late to do a damn thing about it.

“It’s going to be okay,” the person tending to you mumbles. They press down on your head, trying to staunch the wound, but you know it’s a lost cause.

You are going to die here, and no matter how desperately you try to make peace with that fact, you just can't.

If only you could get another chance at life. You wouldn’t make the same mistakes twice. You promise yourself that you’ll appreciate every moment, reach out to others and share whatever emotions they’re feeling. Anger, joy, apprehension—it doesn’t matter. The point is that you’ll do better. You’ll be better. You won’t isolate yourself or waste away the precious moments of your life.

All you need is another opportunity. Please?

Right. As if that would happen.

Your breathing grows shallower, weaker, and you can just vaguely hear the nice civilian crying out to you in desperation. Eventually, even the sound fades. It’s getting terribly and unspeakably dark. Fuck. You’re afraid. You’re so afraid.

But even as you’re about to cross over to the other side, your belief holds firm.

Nothing is worse than having regrets.

The darkness, which you presumed to be vast and endless, eventually clears.

Suddenly, you can hear again, but the sound is so loud and ear-grating that you almost wish you couldn’t.

“What’s wrong with her?” a woman sighs tiredly. “She’s been crying nonstop.”

There are two people in the room. One of them is the woman, who just spoke up, and the other is a man, a doctor, by the looks of things.

Oh, actually, scratch that. There are three people in the room, because some baby is wailing out at the top of their lungs.

Is this a dream?

You died, and you know that for a fact, so you assume you must be watching some random scene play out. But even if that’s the case, something is... strange. You’re not quite sure how to explain it, but there’s this overwhelming sense of discomfort that’s tearing through your whole body.

“She is perfectly healthy,” the doctor reassures. He must be referring to the baby. He takes a moment to adjust his glasses, then frowns. “Have you reconsidered, by any chance?”

“No,” the woman replies. She says it bluntly; coldly, even. “I already told you this before. I’m not keeping her. I just wanted to make sure she was healthy, but that’s it. As soon as I’m feeling better, I’m going to leave. One of the nurses will take her away, right?”

“Yes, miss. Of course. We just wanted to give you one last chance to rethink your decision.”

“I’m not keeping her,” she says again, and she bites down on her lip to keep from trembling. You’re not sure why you’re seeing such a heavy scene play out, but you suppose it’s better than being trapped in a void for all eternity. You’re thankful to have retained your sentience.

Up until this moment, you are convinced that you’re dead.

But when the woman moves closer, and she reaches a hand out, it finally clicks.

“Bye-bye, baby,” she whispers. You can feel her hand squeezing down on yours. The sensation of being touched is painfully familiar, and you know you’re not imagining it.

This woman is your mother, and she’s in the process of giving you away.

Just like that, the crying stops. It stops because you realize you’re the baby, and it means that your dying wish has been answered.

One way or another, you’ve been reborn.

“Ah,” the doctor hums. He cracks a smile and gently pokes your chubby cheek. “Are you happy that your mommy touched you? You must be, since you’ve finally stopped crying. She has to leave, but don’t worry. We’ll find you a new family soon. I’m sure you’ll love them, whoever they are.”

You blink up at him, not making a sound. It’s hard to believe that you’re actually alive again, and while the body of an infant doesn’t allow for much freedom, in the grand scheme of things, it’s a trifling matter.

You just want to live.

“Get some rest, little one,” the doctor encourages. Of course, he can’t possibly know that you actually understand him, but since there’s not much else you can do in your present state, you close your eyes and try to drift off to sleep.

Some time passes, and unlike what the doctor promised, you have yet to find a loving home.

It turns out that adoption is a rather tricky process, and it takes a while just to find suitable parental candidates. You appreciate that there is a lot of planning and contemplation that goes into this, because children shouldn’t just be handed off without a second thought. They need to be diligently cared for, looked after and appreciated.

You realize just how true this line of reasoning holds when you are finally introduced to your ‘forever family’, as the doctor puts it.

“You’re going to love them,” he grins. “They’re so excited to have you!”

For a moment, you wonder if he means that, or if he’s the one who’s excited to finally get rid of you and free up a bed for another soon-to-be baby. There isn’t really any way to know for sure, and if your infantile body allowed for it, you would probably shrug as a show of your indifference.

Anyways, you finally have a home now, and you suppose that has to count for something.

It doesn’t take long for you to wish you were back in the hospital.

“She keeps crying,” the mother whines, almost as if she’s the child, not you.

“Well, no shit,” the father cuts back impatiently. “It’s because you’re always forgetting to feed her on time. You told me you were ready for this. You told me you wanted a kid, so it’s too late to start pulling these stunts.”

“I’m just so tired. I really don’t know if I can do this...”

Fucking hell. What does a baby have to do around here to get a goddamn bottle of milk?

They aren’t good parents. That much is abundantly clear. You wish they would’ve sorted out these matters ahead of time, but some people find out the hard way that they just aren’t ready to take care of a child.

Nonetheless, they make an effort to improve. They try to rise to the occasion and shoulder this huge responsibility they’ve decided to take on.

During the time you spend living under their roof, you come face-to-face with a dizzying realization.

It happens so fast that, at first, you swear you’re just imagining things. Your adoptive mother is vacuuming around the house, when suddenly, a stray object falls under the couch. She lets out her usual trademark sigh, then adjusts her stance as if she’s about to crouch down and retrieve it.

As it turns out, she doesn’t need to crouch, because her arm extends—as if it’s elastic—and she picks up the object with ease.

The pacifier in your mouth instantly falls out.

What... the fuck?

You wonder if your tiny baby eyes are deceiving you, or if this is some sort of side effect of being reincarnated. How else would you explain what you’ve just seen? It’s freaking absurd. People’s arms don’t just do that.

Since you’re incapable of communicating normally, you just cry. Your adoptive mother seems to become increasingly irritable whenever you cry for long periods of time, but there’s not much you can do to help it, especially when you’re so confused.

“Hush now, [Name],” she demands, and to your horror, stretches her arm out again so that she can reach over to you and place the pacifier back in your mouth.

Then she carries on with her vacuuming, as if nothing ever happened.

To no one’s surprise, you keep crying, and it continues this way until you overhear a conversation between the two of them during dinner.

“She hates it whenever I use my Quirk,” your mother scowls. “I feel like she’s judging me every single time. Is it possible for babies to be so judgy?”

Hold up. What the hell did she just say?

“You must be imagining it,” your father sighs. Both of them sure like to sigh a lot. You hate to admit it, but they don’t seem particularly happy with their lives. “She’s just a baby. She doesn’t even know what’s going on around her, let alone how Quirks work.”

They keep on using that word, and your chest feels tight when you remember exactly where you’ve heard it before.

But that can’t be. My Hero Academia is a fictional world. Superheroes, Quirks... none of that is real.

Yet here you are, living and breathing, proof that all of this is actually happening to you.

Even so... it’s just too far-fetched. You can’t possibly have been reborn into a world that doesn’t really exist. No matter how much manga and anime you’ve consumed, it still doesn’t make this situation any more plausible.

You need evidence. Real, concrete evidence. Until then, you refuse to draw any conclusions.

A week later, you catch your parents watching an interview of All Might on TV.

...well, shit.

Shortly after your second birthday, your parents put you up for adoption again.

You wonder if something must be wrong with you, because no one seems to want to have you as their kid. It’s getting a bit hard not to take personally.

The worst part of it is that they didn’t even bother to put you up for adoption somewhere nice. You’re convinced that they chose the shittiest orphanage that ever existed, just as one last middle finger for all the stress and trouble you’ve caused them.

You are two years old now, you are almost certainly living in the world of My Hero Academia, and you’re an orphan. Admittedly, it's a lot to handle.

Even so, you manage. For obvious reasons, you’re a lot smarter than you look. Your body limits a lot of what you can do, so you choose to keep your brain engaged mostly by reading books and solving puzzles.

“That girl’s always going through those books,” one of the caregiver mumbles to her colleague. “Do you think she really understands what’s going on?”

“No way,” the other waves off. “She must just like looking at the pictures.”

“But that book doesn’t have any pictures.”

“She’s two years old. Of course she can’t read. Nothing that complicated, at least. Don’t be silly.”

They eventually shrug and decide that they must be overthinking things, and you carry on reading your book—yes, actually reading it.

It’s another normal, mundane day, until suddenly, everything changes.

“We have someone new staying with us starting from today,” the head caregiver proudly announces. He gestures beside him, where a boy is standing with his arms wrapped around his body. He is consciously keeping a good distance between him and the other kids, as well as the caregiver, and you swear you spot a grimace on his lips.

For some reason... he looks really familiar.

“Go on,” the caregiver encourages. “Introduce yourself to the others.”

You hear him mutter something under his breath, although you don’t quite catch it, and then he sighs before briefly glancing your way.

“Chisaki Kai,” he says, and in that moment, your heart stops. “But stay away from me,” he adds, grimacing yet again. “I don’t like it when people get too close.”

Chisaki Kai.

You know this kid. Well, he’s only a kid now, but you’re abundantly aware of what he’ll become, and the horrible things he’ll go on to do.

At this point, you can’t keep making excuses anymore. You’re living in the world of My Hero Academia, and it’s as simple as that.

Chisaki walks away before the caregiver can say anything else. He sits down in the corner of the room, all by himself, keeping his golden eyes narrowed so that nobody thinks of getting too close to him. He’s several years older than you, so that puts him at about maybe eight or nine? The details don’t really matter, though.

What matters is that for the first time, you’ve met a character that plays a hand in how the story will unfold.

You remember your dying wish. You wanted to have a second chance at life, to prove that you can make something of it, rather than letting each day pass you by. You decided long ago that regardless of when you die, or how you die, you want to be able to say that you’ve lived a full life. You want to know that your actions have impacted others, impacted the world.

And now you’ve just realized that your actions carry a lot more weight than you first thought.

You know how this story goes. Well, not all of it, because you died before it came to an end, but you have knowledge in spades, and who’s to say that you can’t use that knowledge to create a permanent, positive shift?

Chisaki is still gritting his teeth, staying far away from everyone else. Seeing him like this, knowing that he’s just an orphan like you, makes it difficult to fear or resent him. He’s frail and vulnerable, and even if he won’t admit it, he needs to be protected, just like any other kid would.

You are going to live. You are going to live boldly and vibrantly, knowing that the choices you make can shape others’ lives. You’re done spending your days as a recluse and wasting away. You don’t want things to end like they did in your last life, where even in death, nobody knew who you were or what you’d done.

Here, your potential is limitless, and you’ll be damned if you take it for granted.

And so, you stand up. On shaky toddler legs, but you stand up nonetheless. Your steps are slow, deliberate, and even though it takes a while, you eventually stop in front of Chisaki.

He glares at you. “What do you want?”

You know exactly what you want, and it’s to leave your mark on this world, so that you’ll never be forgotten. You want to be someone who can move and inspire others. You want to become the kind of person you can take pride in.

You’ve been given a new chance at life, and it’s in a world you’re familiar with, of all things. This is the best deal you’ll ever get.

It takes you a while to form your words, so you return Chisaki’s stare with one of your own. He’s still so young, but he already resents the world. He feels like an outsider, like someone who doesn’t belong. Because of that, he will eventually spin out of control. He will resort to drastic means to manipulate the world around him—to make it make sense.

If left unchecked, he will certainly become a villain. But what if, all these years, he had someone by his side to steer him on the right path? What if he found solace some other way, instead of twisting society in the palm of his hand?

You don’t know the answer to that question, but you think you’d like to find out.

“I’m here for you.”

Those are the words you decide on, and despite how childish your two-year-old voice sounds, there’s a maturity to it that Chisaki can’t seem to comprehend.

He looks at you in bewilderment. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you that, no matter what happens... it’s going to be okay. Because I’ll be here to help.”

You grin widely, unintentionally revealing several missing teeth. Chisaki looks disgusted at first, and he even shrinks away, but against all odds, he still hasn’t told you to get lost.

The two of you just stare at each other in silence for a while. He must think you’re a bit strange, especially for a two-year-old, but you can’t help but be mesmerized by the fact that he’s actually in front of you right now.

Eventually, his patience runs thin.

“Go away,” he mutters, then outright shoos you. “Dirty little kid. Mind your own business.”

You don’t take any offense at his words. You realize it’ll take a while to get closer to him, and knowing what you do about his character, there are a lot of obstacles standing in your way.

But it’s fine. If maybe, just maybe, you can prevent him from becoming a villain... if your actions help someone, in some way...

You’ll be happier than you can put into words.

“Okie-dokie,” you smile, then turn to leave, mindful of giving him space.

You must have forgotten, because mentally, your brain is still your own, but your body has become that of a child.

Needless to say, you fall over while trying to walk away.

“Ouch!” you whine, rubbing at your tender toddler body. Everything hurts. Little kids are so goddamn fragile. You suppose you’ll have to be more careful from now on.

It takes a few seconds, but you manage to pick yourself up, smile proudly at the feat, then retreat back to your side of the room and carry on reading your book.

The whole time, Chisaki stares at you, unblinking. He already thinks you’re incredibly strange.

It’s a clumsy start, but it’s a start nonetheless.

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mochiprincesz · 3 months ago

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🖤Black★Star x Kid🖤

plus some headcanons i have👀

-nicknames they have for eachother:

Black★Star nicknames for Kid:

“Kiddo” : Just a playful twist on Kid’s name that can be both endearing and teasing.

"Night Star" : A nickname inspired by Kid’s role as a grim reaper and Black☆Star’s star motif, symbolizing their connection as partners.

"Golden Boy": A loving and slightly cheesy nickname that highlights how perfect Black☆Star thinks Kid is. (idk about this one)

Kid’s nicknames for Black★Star:

“Star” : A simple but meaningful nod to Black☆Star's name

“Starlight” : Reflecting the softer side of their relationship, "Starlight" would be a tender nickname Kid uses in more intimate moments.

some Headcanons for their Adult lives:

In public, Kid is more reserved about showing affection, while Black☆Star has no problem being loud and proud about his love. However, in private, Kid is the one who becomes more openly affectionate, enjoying quiet moments where he can relax and be close to Black☆Star.

Kid loves it when Black☆Star surprises him with perfectly symmetrical gifts or setups. Whether it’s arranging a meal or lining up their shoes in a perfect row, Black☆Star goes out of his way to make sure things are just right for Kid. He may not always get it perfect, but the effort melts Kid’s heart. (I ‘d like to imagine that Black☆Star asks Tsubaki for help to make Kid a bento :’) )

Black☆Star wakes up early to exercise and do his whole work out routine, meanwhile Kid likes to wake up at 8.

Black☆Star frequently gives Kid star-themed gifts to remind him of their bond. Whether it’s jewelry, trinkets, or even a star-shaped pillow, he finds ways to sneak stars into their life as a subtle declaration of his love.

Kid’s side of their shared space is always impeccably neat, while Black☆Star’s side is a bit messier. Despite Kid’s love for order, he doesn’t mind Black☆Star’s chaos as much as people might expect. It’s a sign that they’ve found a balance and a way to live together in harmony.

When Kid is overwhelmed by his duties as Lord Death, Black☆Star steps in to lighten the load. Whether it’s through humor, helping with tasks, or just being a supportive presence, Black☆Star knows how to keep Kid grounded when the weight of responsibility becomes too much.

Black☆Star is always there to lift Kid up when he’s feeling down or uncertain. His confidence and optimism are contagious, and he helps Kid see the brighter side of things, even when Kid is lost in thought or self-doubt.

Kid has a fear of not living up to his father’s legacy, but Black☆Star is always there to reassure him. He reminds Kid that he’s strong, capable, and loved, helping him see that he doesn’t have to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders alone.

Black☆Star learns patience through his relationship with Kid. While he’s naturally impulsive, being with Kid has taught him to slow down and think things through,especially when it comes to Kid’s meticulous nature.

Kid, over time, becomes more accepting of imperfections because of Black☆Star’s influence. Being with someone who lives so freely and chaotically helps him let go of the small stuff, realizing that not everything needs to be perfect for it to be beautiful.

When they argue, it’s usually intense but brief. Black☆Star tends to shout and let out his frustration quickly, while Kid stays calm and tries to reason things through. They’ve learned to resolve their differences by talking things out afterward, with Kid often initiating the conversation to ensure they’re both on the same page. But of course Black☆Star being himself, he tends to brush off things quickly.

After a fight, Black☆Star is the first to apologize—usually through grand gestures like showing up with flowers or doing something over-the-top to make Kid laugh. Kid, on the other hand, shows his forgiveness by planning a quiet date or organizing something special that reflects both of their interests.

Kid is more subtle with his affection, often leaving little notes or perfectly organized meals for Black☆Star when he’s busy with work. Black☆Star, on the other hand, is more direct, often surprising Kid with spontaneous acts of affection like sweeping him off his feet ,literally.

When they cuddle, Kid likes to lie in a perfectly symmetrical position with their bodies aligned, while Black☆Star has no problem sprawling out or even tangling them up in a mess of limbs. Kid has gotten used to it, though, and finds comfort in Black☆Star’s warmth despite the lack of symmetry.

These were some of my headcanons for Kid and Black☆Star i hope you like em :)

Art by me @mochiprincesz

Please do NOT repost on any other social media platforms. 🙏🏼

Pinterest refs that i used:

#soul eater au #soul eater #kidstar #death the kid #black star #death star #my art #digital drawing #digital art #art #yaoi #anime and manga

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ashcal99 · 1 year ago

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Collarbones : Jasper Whitlock Hale IV

Chapter Four

"I can see your collarbones and baby I'm scared, Never thought I'd be so unprepared"

Summary: Camila Johnson was only 16 when she was diagnosed with leukemia. By the time she had turned 17, the doctors had tried everything to save her. Her family is close to giving up hope when they hear of a doctor who may be able to help her. The only problem is, he lives on the opposite side of the country. The small family soon decides to move to the small town in Washington, in efforts to prolong her life. In doing so, her life changes forever.

Warnings: Eventual smut (18+ only), mentions of death, depression, violence, descriptions of disease and weight loss, general angst, slow burn

Words: 7.4k

A/N: Please lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list. Hope you enjoy. Made this chapter extra long for the wait x

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——————

January 29th, 2005

Camila sat there, frozen in time, for what seemed like an eternity trying to process what Jasper had just admitted. So, Jasper sat there, unmoving as well as not breathing. He wasn’t sure how she was taking the new information and suddenly found himself wishing that he held Edward’s power in that moment, willing to give everything just to know the thoughts that were going through her mind. Second best, he knew that she, remarkably, held no fright towards the admission, and he couldn’t help but wonder if she lacked the simple instinct that humans should be born with. The instinct to run away screaming when someone tells you that they’re a monster and could easily kill you.

At the end of the day, he knew that was what he was. A monster. He may have changed his diet and tried to appear human, but he was far from it. He had killed people. Innocent people. He couldn’t even make the argument that his family had done the same, because their body counts were minuscule compared to his. He had fed off of human blood for nearly eighty-five years before Alice had found him. Even with his new found vegetarianism considered, he still slipped up. More than anybody else, and even though he knew that Camila was safe around him, he also knew that she had every reason in the world to fear him, and it confused the hell out of him that she didn’t.

He couldn’t help himself as he spoke, the silence eating away at his resolve. “Can you please tell me what’s going through your mind?” He asked, nervousness gripping his throat as he croaked the words out.

Camila’s eyes flashed over to him, eyebrows creased in… confusion maybe? “I don’t know… I feel like I know I shouldn’t believe you, but for some reason, I do?” She said, eyes tracing his serious expression. “Can you prove it? N-not the vampire thing, I guess, but something to prove any of it is true?” She asked.

Jasper’s mind reeled for a moment trying to think of something quickly, when an idea popped into his head. “Remember how you said I’m really good at reading emotions? Like an empath?” He asked, waiting for her nod before continuing. “It’s a little more than that. Some of us, when we turn, we get… gifts. When I was changed I could not only feel people’s emotions like they were my own, but manipulate them too.” He explained slowly, trying to find the right words.

Given the situation, he figured this was his best bet in not freaking her out any further. Eyes scanning her face to make sure that she was okay with what he was about to do, he pushed a wave of happiness towards her. He watched as the corners of her lips curved upwards, the crease between her eyebrows smoothing as her heart filled with overwhelming joy.

She didn’t know nor care why she had become so suddenly happy, but as soon as the emotion was ripped back from her, the pieces clicked together. The smile slowly dropped from her face as her mind returned to where had been just moments before. “Holy shit.” She huffed out. He was telling the truth. As soon as the feeling of joy had hit her, it was gone.

Her eyes widened suddenly. Maybe this was the explanation as to why she felt so strongly towards him. Maybe it was him all along, manipulating her feelings. “Y-you don’t do that to me often do you?” She asked nervously.

Jasper shook his head quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “No. I’ve never with you before.” He rushed out, hoping to whatever god that she would believe him.

Letting out a sigh, Camila let her shoulders drop as she let herself relax back into her seat. She had no reason to think he was lying. From what she could tell, all of her feelings and emotions involving him were genuine, no matter how much she wished that they weren’t there to begin with.

“So, is the whole thing about garlic true?” She asked trying to lighten the mood. Everything had suddenly gotten much too daunting.

Throwing his head back with a bark of laughter, Jasper ran his long thin fingers through his golden curls. How in the world was she taking all of this so well? The ball had to drop at some point, right? There’s no way that everything would go this smoothly. Surely after she learned about his past and how much of a monster he really was, surely then, she would run away screaming. But that admission would have to wait for another day, because in that moment, he would give anything keep Camila as far away from that part of him as possible.

——————

January 31st, 2005

The rest of her day with Jasper had flown by, and before Camila knew it, it was the start to her second week at Forks High School. After the exhaustion of her first week, and hanging out with Jasper on Saturday, the rest of her weekend consisted of sleep and cramming in the remainder of her homework. When Monday finally came around, she was well rested, at lest as well rested as she could be.

Camila had just joined the end of the line in the cafeteria, Eric talking her ear off behind her once again, when her eyes finally met Jasper’s across the crowded room. She hadn’t seen him since he had dropped her back off at home Saturday night. Like a perfect gentleman, he had waited, car pulled against the curb and watched her figure until she had successfully made it fully inside her home, before he drove away.

Now that her eyes had met his for the first time since she had been given the opportunity to fully, well mostly maybe, process his confession, she felt a weight leave her shoulders that she wasn’t even aware was there in the first place. The rest of their night on Saturday had consisted mostly of more light hearted conversation, so now that she had been given the time to think of more questions to ask him, she had began to grow anxious of waiting.

She knew the questions would have to wait, however, but seeing his face, that alone, eased that stress and anxiety from her. Everything had happened so quickly that her mind didn’t know how to calculate what his confession actually meant, and over the remainder of the weekend her mind had time to wander. He was dangerous, that much was apparent, but somehow, she also knew that he wouldn’t hurt her. That she was safe with him.

It felt almost like a fever dream, everything happening so quickly. They had only just met, but suddenly, she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so comfortable with another person. So comfortable with being vulnerable, and content with sharing with him what she had been so keen on keeping from everyone else. Clearly he felt the same, that much she could gather herself, given his blatant honesty with her.

Eric’s voice broke her from her thoughts as he continued his ramble on about how their trip to La Push Beach had gone and how she ‘had to join them next time’. She had to stop herself from cringing, not looking forward to coming up with another excuse in the future. She turned to him, attempting to give a reassuring smile. She didn’t want to come off rude, especially with the wide grin that was stretched across his face. He was just trying to be friendly, and that’s what she wanted. So, even if his persistence slightly annoyed her, she was still happy to have him around.

Chills ran up her spine as icy fingertips brushed lightly across her lower back, bringing goosebumps quickly to the surface of her skin. She knew who it was, of course, before she looked up, having already gotten used to the feel of his touch, but that didn’t stop the flutter of her heart as her eyes met Jasper’s once more. He had sensed her unease from across the room and had decided to come to her rescue.

“Will you sit with us for lunch today?” He asked, giving her a quirked eyebrow as well as a small smile. Alice had been pestering him since his return on Saturday to spend more time with the girl. As usual, she would get what she wanted, she already knew that of course, but that didn’t stop her from reminding him at every chance she got.

Jasper watched as the gears in her head began to turn, slowly processing his invitation, her heart sputtering at his touch. He couldn’t help his smile from growing bigger across his face, enjoying hearing the reaction he had on her heart. “S-sure.” She stuttered out, turning back to the lunch lady to pay for her tray of food. She sent a small wave and smile to the boy, Eric, and fell in stride by Jasper’s side, his hand ghosting the small of her back as he lead her to the table that held the remainder of his family.

Eric stood for a moment, mouth agape as he stared at their retreating figures. What was it with the new girls and the Cullens? Why was that family suddenly so sociable after a year of barely speaking to anybody? From across the cafeteria, the two were beginning to attract the stares from the rest of her friend group, and when she finally made it to the table, Jasper pulling her chair out for her to take a seat, the majority of the overcrowded room was practically ogling them. A fact, in which was doing nothing to ease the anxiety that had settled in the pit of her stomach.

Setting her tray down, she slowly dropped into the hard plastic seat, shoulders tensing as she took in the perfect faces sat in front of her. Camila had of course met Alice the week previous, but she had yet to meet Jasper’s other siblings. She wasn’t sure if she should feel more or less comfortable meeting the pale strangers now that she knew their secret, but the fact was, she knew and nothing would change that now.

Feeling waves of anxiety and stress radiate from Camila, he decided now would be a time to use his powers, one that he hoped she wouldn’t be mad at him for later. He hated seeing the worry in her eyes and knew that her stress was unnecessary, so he did what he could and pushed feelings of calmness and comfortability towards her as he settled into the seat next to her.

As the anxiety lifted from her shoulders, a polite smile formed on Camila’s lips. Jasper cleared his throat from beside her, gaining the attention of his siblings. “Camila this is my family.” He gestured towards the group. “Alice you met already.” He said pointing to the pixie haired girl on the other side of Camila.

The whole family already knew of his admission, and given the circumstances he was more that content with their reactions. He hadn’t exactly known what to expect from the situation, never having dealt with anything like it before. Carlisle and Esme had been happy for him, and though this slightly unnerved him, he knew it came with good intentions. He knew what coming clean to Camila could mean for her future, for their future, but he still refused to get his hopes up. Her knowing and having the choice to ‘live’ on had no guarantee that she would make that decision, and as much as it pained him, he knew that he would never be able to make that choice for her.

Alice’s teeth shown brightly as she smiled at the girl, squealing lightly as she pulled her into a tight hug. Camila’s eyes widened, the immortal girl’s antics still surprising her despite already being on the receiving end previously. Before she was given the time to process and reciprocate the hug, Alice had pulled away and had returned to her comfortable position in her seat.

Alice was of course ecstatic, even though she had seen the whole thing happen already, because now she was free to develop their friendship. She had seen the whole thing play out and knew just how close she would grow to Camila, and like a child on Christmas morning, was practically bouncing with anticipation when he had arrived home Saturday night.

Jasper continued, stopping to roll his eyes at his sister. “This is Emmet and Rosalie.” He said, gesturing to the couple sitting at the opposite side of the table. Emmet gave a ginormous half smile half smirk to the girl, while Rosalie attempted the give a polite smile as well.

Emmet was of course laid back about the whole thing, only giving him a little bit of shit for finally finding his mate. Rosalie was surprisingly at ease with the situation, unlike her feelings towards Bella. Of course, Jasper knew why. She had always resented her immortality, having her humanity ripped away from her the way that it had been, and she wouldn’t wish that on anybody else. He knew her calm demeanor had to do with the fact that, unlike her human life, Camila had no chance of growing old. No chance of starting a family.

His heart ached at this knowledge, knowing that he would give anything he could to see Camila age into her beauty. To see her grow and start her adult life. To see her get married and have children, even if he wasn’t the one to give her that future. Unfortunately, maybe because God or whatever higher power was cruel or had a sick twisted sense of humor, she had no hope for that life.

It had been an unexpected punch to the gut to meet her mother. She was such a perfect reflection of her daughter that it was almost like he was glimpsing into that impossible future. He knew that this would be how Camila would look, given the chance. But she didn’t have that chance, and that was his best guess as to why Rosalie had refrained from giving him the same shit she had been giving Edward.

“And this is Edward.” Jasper said finally, turning to look at displeased expression of his adopted brother.

Edward had seemed slightly bitter about the situation. He obviously knew the differences between the two girls, but couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous at which the ease Jasper came by with telling Camila the truth. He himself would never wish the future of immortality onto Bella, but only wished that he didn’t have to suppress his want for the girl. He knew it was best to stay as far away from Bella as possible, hence why he had been avoiding her to the best of his abilities, but his resolve was beginning to waver.

Jasper didn’t have to deal with any of this, despite having his own struggles. Camila already knew the truth about them, and soon she would be making that decision on her own. Hell, he didn’t even have to worry about his thirst around the girl, a fact that he couldn’t help but be bitter about. Edward had always had what he considered decent self control with human blood, something that he couldn’t say the same for with Jasper, and the one person that it truly mattered for, he was at his lowest point with self control. It was cruel irony.

Despite not being able to read Edward’s mind like he could his, Jasper could feel his emotions, and he could fill in the rest himself. He didn’t want any animosity between him and his brother, but he knew that whatever Edward was feeling wouldn’t stop him from growing closer to Camila, and definitely wouldn’t stop Alice from begging him to let her spend more time with her. So that was why he had decided it was time to introduce her. What better time and place to break the ice between Camila and the rest of his family than the controlled environment of a school cafeteria? He had thought, and now, seeing the slight glare on Edward’s face, he couldn’t decide whether or not that had been a bad decision on his part.

As thoughts of anger rushed through Jasper’s mind, Edwards eyes flickered over to his. Edward’s glare softened as he processed Jasper’s internal dialog. He knew that it wasn’t his fault and he knew that it wasn’t Camila’s, but he couldn’t help how he felt. He was jealous and he was finding it difficult to hide his emotions. His eyes flitted across Jasper’s face, neck, and arms. The scars littered across his skin were a reminder to not push things with him. The crescents, nearly invisible to the human eye, were a gigantic red flag to any vampire. Neon lights that flashed bright as a warning to everyone around him to stay back or else. Although he knew that his brother would never hurt him, he also knew not to start a fight, because it would most definitely be one he would lose.

Huffing in irritation, Edward pulled out his chair, rushing to leave the cafeteria. He could try all he wanted to be civil and not start a fight, but he wasn’t about to sit there and take this torture. Over time it would get easier for him to cope, but in that moment, the wound was fresh and he needed to be far from the reminder.

Jasper sighed in annoyance, rolling his eyes once again as he let his defenses fall back down to their normal level. “Ignore him.” He muttered to the girl beside him, slinging his arm protectively around the back of her chair.

——————

“So what’s with you and Cullen?” Tyler blurted out suddenly. Camila’s head fell to look at her boots that thudded along the hallway towards their last class of the day. She could feel the blood rushing up to her cheeks and knew that it would do little to help her case if he saw the growing blush.

“What do you mean?” She asked, feigning confusion. It was a matter of time before someone started the inevitable conversation given Jasper’s display in the cafeteria that day, but she had hoped she would have a bit more time to prepare herself.

Tyler stuffed his hands into his pockets awkwardly. “Yeah, you two seemed… cozy today at lunch.” He muttered.

Camila raised her head, quirking an eyebrow at the dark skinned boy in stride beside her. “Cozy?” She asked, a hint of humor tinting her voice. Tyler was clearly bothered by this whole situation, a fact that she found humorous given the circumstance. From the fact that Tyler had asked her to prom just a few days previous, she could gather herself that he was most likely jealous of Jasper. Not that he had any reason to be. Camila had every intention to stick to her plan of staying single and as much as she was beginning to care for Jasper, she didn’t see that changing.

A scoff sounded from the boy by her side as he rolled his eyes at her teasing. “Yeah. Cozy. You sat with his family at lunch instead of us, and he was practically all over you.” He argued.

Camila laughed lightly at his words. “He was not all over me.” She argued. In fact, like usual, she had been hyper aware of every touch from the pale immortal. As usual, he had shown to be very hesitant in touching her, only giving the slight graze of his fingertips along her covered back as he lead her to the table. She of course was also extremely aware of the arm that he had slung protectively around the back of her seat after Edward’s whole display, but he had been very precise in not letting his cold skin actually touch her in any way.

Tyler groaned frustratedly. “Whatever it was, I don’t like it.” He complained.

Camila’s eyebrows knitted together. What was it with people at this school being assholes to them? The Cullen’s kept to themselves, sure, but they were never anything but polite to anyone they came into contact with. At this point, all these little comments that everybody kept making were beginning to piss her off. “And why should you not liking it mean anything to me?” She asked incredulously. Sure, she wanted to make friends, and be nice, but she was starting to become defensive over Jasper and she wasn’t just going to stand there and take everybody’s bullshit. Because that’s what it was. Complete and utter bullshit.

Tyler’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. He hadn’t expected her to respond in that way, never seeing her angry before. “I mean, he’s kind of creepy isn’t he? I’m just trying to look out for you. He doesn’t seem… good.” He said trailing off towards the end as he took in the expression of anger growing more and more prevalent on her face.

She had to bite back a snide remark as she tried to process how she could respond without sounding like a total bitch. An awkward silence rung between the two teens before she decided that she didn’t really care anymore. If he was going to give unsolicited advice to her when he barely knew her then she would respond accordingly. “No offense Tyler, but I didn’t ask for your shitty advice. I’m a big girl, I can look out for myself, thanks.” She said finitely.

Pushing her aching legs to move her forward at a faster pace, she let out an internal sigh of relief as the door to her calculous class came into view. Lunch had gone well, all things considered. Despite Edward’s little display, the rest of Jasper’s family had welcomed her with open arms. While the conversation mostly consisted of small talk and them asking her questions about herself, she could tell that they were all genuinely nice people.

Alice had invited her over for the following weekend, in which Camila had immediately agreed to without thinking. Now that she had been given the time to think about the implications of the invite, she realized that she would be meeting their adoptive mother and seeing Carlisle. While she knew Carlisle fairly well, given meeting him the week prior, she realized how nervous she was to meet Esme. Jasper had talked the woman up so highly, but she couldn’t help but feel her nerves eating away at her. She would be meeting his mother soon, ‘adopted’ or not and it was only natural to have that kind of reaction.

Jasper, as usual, was already seated at their assigned table by the time she had arrived to the classroom. Camila flitted to the back of the room to her seat, letting her body drop into the confines of the cool plastic, as she let out a heavy sigh.

“Are you okay?” Jasper asked, concern lacing his voice. It was normal for her be exhausted by the end of the school day, but he could also feel her anger and frustration. The feelings set off warning bells in his mind and he was immediately on alert to what had upset her.

Camila rolled her eyes, raking her slim fingers through the long dark strands of her hair. “Tyler Crowley is an asshole.” She said simply, annoyance still evident on her face as she recalled their conversation that had just taken place moments ago.

His eyes flickered over to where said boy had just entered the classroom, narrowing as he took in the sight. “What did he say?” He asked, immediately defensive over the girl.

“He apparently has an issue with you and ‘just wants to look out for me’.” She said, yanking her workbook and and pencil case from her backpack and slamming them down on the desk.

Jasper’s shoulder’s drooped at her words as he hummed in reply. He couldn’t even be mad. What Tyler said was clearly justified, whether or not Camila had realized. She should be warned about him. Just because he didn’t thirst for her blood didn’t mean that he wasn’t a danger towards her. Didn’t mean that he couldn’t hurt her, even if it wasn’t intensional. Didn’t mean that he wasn’t a monster at the end of the day.

Hearing his near silent response, Camila turned her head to see him looking down slightly defeated, eyes refusing to meet her own. “Jasper.” She said, trying and failing to get him to look at her. “Jasper.” She repeated, grasping at his hand that laid in a tight fist at his thigh.

Electricity shot through her fingers as they brushed the marble skin of his clenched knuckles, but she pushed on. “Can you look at me, please?” She asked, her soft voice contrasting the anger that had filled it just moments ago.

His amber eyes flickered up to meet hers. As much as he wanted to sulk in that moment, he wanted more to give her what she wanted. Her eyes softened as she saw the pain that filled his. They were always filled with pain, but this was different. More of an inner torment and seeing it made her chest ache.

She turned his fist over in her palm, nudging the fingers apart so she could intertwine them with her own. “He’s full of shit, Jazz. I know you would never hurt me.” She said, voice softly ringing in his ears.

The pain in his heart grew at her words. He didn’t deserve her. She was too perfect for his damned self and he knew it, but that didn’t stop him from being grateful that she was there. It didn’t stop him from selfishly wanting her. He pulled their intertwined fingers up to his lips were he laid a soft kiss on the back of her palm, thanking her for her kindness. Thanking her for her comfort.

The touch of his chilled lips on her skin sent her heart into overdrive, and knowing that he could he hear his effect on her didn’t help the blush that was creeping onto her cheeks. She had expected him to drop her hold after that, but instead, their hands remained, bound together and laying gently in his lap.

Class continued, the two working together on finishing the next page in their worksheet. Jasper of course could finish the work in less than a minute, but anything that gave him the excuse to talk to Camila he would gladly do. She sat there, eyebrows furrowed as she worked over a particularly difficult problem on the sheet. Normally, she would have no problem solving the equations, but today her mind was wandering too much. She sighed, giving up as she let her pencil clatter onto the chipped veneer of the desk.

“Do you want to come over to my house today?” She asked suddenly. Clearly seeing that she had caught him off guard, she continued. “I have more questions.” She clarified.

Jasper groaned internally. As much as he would love to avoid the inevitable conversation, he also knew that it had to happen at some point. At least he would get to spend more time with her, a definite plus. “Sure, I can just drive us after class if you’d like.” He offered. Alice had told him to drive separately to school that day, and now it was clear why. He would have to thank her later.

Camila nodded, pulling her flip phone from her bag and trying to discreetly type a quick text to her mother letting her know that Jasper would drive her home. Doing so was a bit difficult to do one handed, but she wasn’t about to take her other hand out of his grasp.

The remainder of the class trudged on slowly to Camila’s dismay. Now that she knew that she would be able to ask all of the questions that had been racing through her mind, she couldn’t seem to clear her head of them. Finally, a bell rang shrilly throughout the class, signaling the end of the school day. An unspoken agreement stood between her and Jasper as they both proceeded to pack away their belongings without undoing the grip on each other’s hands.

She wasn’t sure what the hand holding meant to him or even herself, but she didn’t exactly care. She already had to constantly remind herself of her promise to keep any romance at bay, but hand holding didn’t necessarily have to mean that. It was comforting, having his cold palm pressed against hers, and despite her internal screaming at herself that it was a bad idea, she didn’t want to pull away. So there they were, walking down the hallway, hand in hand, attracting even more stares than usual.

Camila let out a sigh as they reached the parking lot, the cool air feeling nice on her feverish skin. Puffs of vapor swirled in front of her mouth as steady breaths of hot air left her parted lips. Jasper had to rip his eyes away from the sight to make sure that he was walking in the right direction. He needed to pull his shit together. Kissing her hand had been bad enough, but he had to stop himself from thinking too much about her lips. Her soft warm plump lips. Jesus Christ, STOP.

He wished so badly in that moment that he could’ve kissed her. Regardless of the numerous bystanders. However, he knew that it wasn’t safe. He didn’t trust himself enough not to end up accidentally hurting her. He didn’t even know if she would’ve kissed him back for fuck’s sake. And here he was feeling like an absolute creep again.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he pulled the passenger door of his car open for her. Reluctantly, she let loose of his grasp, immediately feeling an emptiness without it’s presence. She settled into the plush bucket seat, pulling her bag into her lap as he shut the door softly behind her.

Flitting quickly, or as quick as seemed human, to the driver’s side, Jasper slid in and turned the key in the ignition. Shifting the car into reverse, he backed out of the parking spot and shifted back into drive as he sped out onto the street. He internally thanked his past self for buying a manual transmission before reaching over to grasp Camila’s hand once more.

Camila let her hair fall in front of her face, hoping that the curtain of dark strands hid the smile that she couldn’t wipe away. For someone who was so adamant on not dating, she kept finding herself being giddy whenever he touched her. What was she a twelve year-old? He was just holding her hand, she shouldn’t feel like a swarm of butterflies was flying around in her stomach.

The drive to Camila’s home hadn’t taken long, and by the time they arrived at the small house, he mother’s mini van was still absent from the driveway. She had replied earlier letting her know that she was going to go grocery shopping since she had time before she had to go to work, and Camila was happy to see that she hadn’t returned yet. One less awkward interaction with Jasper and her parents would always be a good thing.

As they stepped through the threshold of the home, she found herself wishing she had cleaned her room. She hadn’t thought of the mess she had left behind before she had invited him over, albeit a small mess. Either way, she couldn’t help herself but try and hurriedly pick up the few pieces of clothing scattered around the room once they made it through the doorway.

Once she was content with her ‘cleaning’ she shut the door softly behind her and plopped down on her mattress, the springs squeaking slightly in protest. Scooting backwards until her back met the wall, she patted the empty space beside her, gesturing for Jasper to join her. On one hand, she almost wanted to sit out on the couch in the living room, as it would probably seem less intimate that way, but she also didn’t want to be interrupted by her mother when she inevitably returned home from the store. So there they were sitting side by side awkwardly on her worn out used mattress and now she didn’t know how to start the conversation.

Sensing her hesitation, Jasper spoke up. “So, you have questions.” He said, wanting to end the torture of waiting any longer. If she was going to run away screaming, he would rather it be sooner than later, because the anticipation was slowly eating away at him.

Camila sucked in a breath. “How old are you?” She blurted out. Jasper groaned, rubbing his hands down his face. He should’ve expected her to jump right to the point, but, somehow, he hadn’t. “You said it was a conversation for another day. It’s another day now.” She reasoned.

“I know. I know.” He said with a sigh. “I’m just really old, Darlin’.” He said, hoping the nickname would distract her. It didn’t.

She scoffed. “That’s not an answer.” She said bluntly.

Jasper closed his eyes, sucking in a breath as he braced for the impact of her reaction. “I’m a hundred and sixty-one.” He muttered lowly. Utter silence followed.

Camila didn’t know what she expected, if the age he had given was younger or older than she had thought it would be, but hearing him say such a precise age made everything seem way more real. She couldn’t find the words to say in response, so instead, she reached over to grasp his hand once more, letting him know that she wasn’t disgusted like he had thought.

“Will you tell me your story?” She asked, not being able to help her intrigue.

His bright gold eyes met her emerald irises. “It’s kind of gruesome.” He warned, trying his best to prolong the inevitable admission of his past, but knowing that it was just that. Inevitable.

“I want to know.” She said simply. “If you’re willing to tell me.” She clarified.

Jasper was fucked and he knew it. Anything that she wanted, he would give her in a heartbeat, but she would hate him after this. “I didn't have quite the same upbringing as my adopted siblings.” He said, reaching his free hand over reluctantly, to roll up the sleeve on the arm that she held.

She wasn’t sure how she hadn’t noticed them before, but there they were. Hundreds of crescent shaped scars shimmering lightly in the dim lighting emitted from her ceiling fan. Now that she knew what to look for, she could see the scars were scattered across every piece of visible skin. Down his arms, onto the hand that was holding hers, a few up his neck to his handsome face. “Are those… bites?” She asked incredulously.

“Battle scars.” He responded, a small smirk gracing his lips. “I was seventeen when I joined the Confederate Army.” He said, pausing when he saw her grimace. “I know. I wish I could say that I didn’t know what I was fighting for, or against, but I knew enough. I’m not proud of it.” He said hanging is head in shame.

“I was the youngest major in the Texas cavalry. All without having seen any real battle.” He continued.

Camila perked up. “I knew that was a Texas accent.” She said smirking at him, gaining a small smile in repose. Leave it to her to try and lighten the mood as soon as it gets dark.

Still, he pushed on, knowing that it was about to become a much darker conversation. “I was riding back to Galveston...after evacuating a column of women and children. When I saw her.” He said dauntingly. “I immediately offered her my aid.” He continued.

“Maria was creating an army. A newborn vampire army.” He clarified. “Our kind are at their strongest in their first year after changing. Their human blood still lingers in their veins and gives them more speed and strength.” He explained.

“Newborn armies were very common in the South, and cost a brutal battles for territory.” He continued, losing himself in the story. “Maria won them all. She was smart, careful. And she had me. I was the second in command. My abilities to control emotions served her well.” He said, looking down to the warm hand he still had clutched in his own, trying to find comfort in her touch.

“I trained her newborns. An endless occupation since she never let them live beyond their first year.” He said, cringing from the memory. “It was my job to dispose of them.” He said, voice thick with emotion. It pained him to remember what he had done. To remember their pain. “I could feel everything they felt.”

The crease between Camila’s brows deepened. It clearly hurt for him to recall these memories, and she found herself wishing that she could take that pain away.

“I thought what Maria and I had was love. But I was her puppet. She pulled the strings. I didn't know there was another way. Until I found Alice in 1948. Now she'd seen me coming, of course.” He paused, remembering that this would wouldn’t make much sense to Camila.

He gathered his thoughts quickly, trying explain the best he could. “She has visions, of possible futures. They change when decisions are made, but she knew when and where to find me.” He smiled slightly. “She saw you, even though she conveniently didn’t warn me.” He explained.

“I don't know what I'd have become without her. I’d done horrible, unspeakable things, and she helped me get past that. My family choses to feed off of animal blood rather than human blood, but it wasn’t always like that for me. I’ve killed innocent people. I’m not a… good person.” He ended his story with a sigh, unsure of how she was feeling.

Her mind was filled with conflicting emotions that he couldn’t quite place all together. “I completely understand if you want me to leave.” He said, moving to pull his hand away from hers.

Her grip tightened as her eyes shot up to his. “No, stay. Please.” She muttered. She knew how her reaction must seem. In truth, she had almost expected worse. As bad as his story was, at least he didn’t actively kill people. It was a horrible argument, she knew, but after being given the rest of the weekend to let her mind wander, she had tried to prepare herself for the worst.

Her silence was agony and he couldn’t help himself when he asked. “Can you please tell me what you’re thinking?”

Camila sighed, bringing her eyes back to his. “I’m not going to sit here and act like what you did wasn’t wrong, because it was. But I’m also not going to actively try and make you feel any worse for it. You’ve had over fifty years to regret what you did, and you clearly do. I’m not going to judge you for something that you wish you could’ve changed, not when I know you’re a good person now.” She said.

Jasper shook his head in disbelief. How was she this forgiving? It seemed impossible. He was sure she would be disgusted with him, but here she was forgiving him for something he couldn’t even forgive himself for. “How are you not terrified of me?” He asked.

She looked deep into his eyes as she answered. “I’m not scared because I know you won’t do anything to hurt me.” She said simply.

“I could hurt you on accident. Very easily.” He argued, looking ashamed. “I could crush you just by hugging you too tightly. I know you don’t understand fully, but it would be so easy that I actively have to try and not hurt you.” He said, a deep frown on his face.

Camila’s eyebrows furrowed as she brought her free hand down to trace the crescent shaped scars that littered his arm. “I don’t know what to tell you. I trust you, that’s the best answer I can give you, Jasper. You need to try and have trust in yourself.” She answered.

Jasper shook his head, baffled that she had so much trust in him to begin with. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her. Seeing the sadness still in his eyes, she rushed, trying to find a change of topic to lighten the mood from the darkness that it had reached. “So, if you can manipulate emotions and Alice sees visions of the future, does anyone else in your family have a ‘gift’.” She asked, curiosity peaking once again.

Jasper was thankful for the change of topic, already feeling himself beginning to spiral from the continuous self hatred. “Yeah, Edward is the only other one in our family. He can, um, read minds… I know it sounds ridiculous.” He said, slightly humiliated at how fictional everything sounded.

“Oh god. That’s… embarrassing.” She muttered, her mind beginning to wander. Edward had no doubt read her mind and heard her thoughts of Jasper. Those were thoughts she didn’t even want to admit to herself and now he definitely had knew all about them.

Suddenly her mind went to his exit at lunch. Was that why he had left? Was it something she had thought that had set him off? “What happened with him at lunch today?” She asked.

Rolling his eyes at the memory, Jasper tried to form the most comprehensible explanation. “He’s jealous that I can tell you the truth and he can’t tell Bella.” He said simply.

“Bella Swan?” Camila asked.

Jasper nodded. “He… has a particular interest in her. He’s been trying to avoid her because he knows that it won’t end well, and he’s jealous that I don’t have to do the same with you.” He explained.

“Why is it different with me?” She asked, trying to ignore the implication that Jasper had an interest in her.

His eyes trailed across the bare walls of her bedroom, looking anywhere but at her as he continued. “He has a really hard time with the scent of her blood, while yours is different for me.” He said.

“Because of the leukemia?” She asked.

Jasper nodded again. “It’s more dangerous for her than it is for you because of that. It’s hard for him to even be in the same room as her. Either way it would end badly.” He explained.

“End badly how? Surely it could end in more ways than just him killing her right?” She asked. She knew the subject had to be touchy and sensitive, but she couldn’t keep herself from asking.

Here it was. The scariest topic of them all. If he didn’t handle this just right, if he didn’t use the right words, then there went his chance of a future with her. He gulped, mustering the courage to speak. “He could kill her or he could change her. Both which he doesn’t want to do.”

Camila’s eyed widened. She hadn’t even thought of that. Changing into a vampire. She wasn’t sure why her mind hadn’t gone there, but she hadn’t even considered that a possibility. She couldn’t help it when her mind wandered to what this could mean for her. He had said it like he was trying to imply something else entirely. He had to know the possible endings. Surely Alice had seen.

“Are there more possible endings for me? Futures where I don’t die from the leukemia?” She asked. She had to know. She had spent a year coming to terms with the fact that her life would be cut short, but now she wasn’t sure. She knew that her illness would in no doubt end up taking her human life, but what if she turned. What if she changed into something else where the cancer didn’t effect her anymore? What if she wasn’t human anymore? She had to know, because suddenly, after a year of withering away, she might have another option. She might have hope.

Jasper turned his eyes back to hers. This was the make it or break it moment. He sucked in a breath, feeling a tightness in his chest regardless of the fact that he didn’t need the oxygen.

And he spoke. “Yes… Alice has seen it."

Next Chapter

Tag List:

@jasper-the-beloved @parkchaeyoung1997 @bobaopal @izzyisstuff @itsmytimetoodream @soyeonrai @just-browsing101 @demirunner @dkbj14 @iloveramensm @imyelenasexual @bella7866 @ropickle @may-and-lay @breezybeesposts @emily-a13 @mamajaxx2511 @meyrryme @bertholdtswife @swagcopangeloop @idonotcareaboutyouropinion @honey132 @sakurayuki8655-blog @braveangel777 @illogic-ally @obsessed-with-pychopaths @natsvenom @iamveryholyiswear @too-many-fandoms-tbh @loser-syrus

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set-wingedwarrior · 2 years ago

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After today’s episode I saw, well within reason, a lot of people talking about Prospera’s brainwashing of Suletta, and I wanted to share my two cents.

First of all, my (probably) unpopular opinion: Prospera was kinda right this time.

DON’T KILL ME, LET ME EXPLAIN PLS.

So, Prospera’s technically right: they are being attacked my terrorists, they are in mortal danger, and they need to fight back to survive and save everybody, and that will mean most likely taking lives. Like, that’s fair. War isn’t pretty and survival demands sacrifice.

What’s really wrong and fucked up is:

1) the way she says and explaines it. Her whole voice and behaviour, the words she chooses, so calm and chill and apparently comforting but actually really dismissive (and kinda creepy imo). She approaches Suletta and the whole situation as if it’s not a big deal.

But at the same time, she does underline that they’re in danger, even pressing on Suletta’s rightful fear in order to have her move forward and fight.

This isn’t a “this is unfortunate, but it’s either us or them” kind of speech, but a “we must get to our goal at all cost”. The line is thin, but there’s a difference. And, most importantly, it is portrayed as if it’s a natural progression and not just a situational thing.

The thing is, we saw Suletta impacted by death, and these words alone aren’t enough to wipe away your morals. That brings me at point two, the most fucked up and vicious:

2) how Suletta has been raised and educated until then. She’s always following her motto with a smile, and helping others, never letting anyone (aside her mother) see her sad or overwhelmed. And what’s her mother’s answer every time she comes to her? “If you run, gain one. Move forward, gain two”.

After Miorine confronting her, we know that Suletta is scared every time and every time her motto is her way to cheer herself up, wear a smile, and keep going. The focus is always on moving forward, on the goal, and it NEVER AKNOWLEDGES OR QUESTIONS HER PRESENT FEELINGS.

It’s very likely that growing up, every time Suletta had to face something scary (harmless growing up stuff), she’s always been encouraged to move forward with that stupid motto instead of processing her feelings and thinking things through. Prospera just never taught her.

So, what does Suletta do instead? Say her motto like a mantra, and move forward withouth questioning anything, actively ignoring and burying her unprocessed feelings under a smile to the point that she doesn’t even realize it (it’s no surprise why she’s also so terrible at social cues and stuff).

Her whole bubbly happy persona is the product of her whole life having to face scary things withouth learning how to process how that made her feel, ignoring everything in favor of putting up her happy persona.

The result? Going from this

to this

because she doesn’t know any other way to “keep moving forward” that isn’t “do what you must and brush everything else off with a smile”. But what’s the result? Saving Miorine at the cost of their relationship because she’s rightfully horrified.

The problem isn’t even that Suletta killed a man; we already estabilished that this is a survival, and even if you can argue that she could have simply incapacitate the terrorist, considering that she’s been fighting for their lives until then it isn’t too unbelievable that instinct woul kick in and end it all the same way.

The problem is, obviously, how she reacted to it. I’d bet anything that, despite being still shocked, if Suletta just stayed serious (maybe still ignoring what she did in in favor of checking on and take care of Miorine because, again, this is a “live or die” situation) then Miorine would have understood and seen Suletta’s actions differently (”she made a sacrifice by doing something terrible to protect me”). But Suletta fucking laughed! How fucked up is that? Was she having fun?

All of this isn’t caused by Prospera’s words alone because they do have some merit in the given circumstances. No, this is about the way she speaks them and the way she knows how Suletta would perceive them.

She spent years raising her to move forward no matter what, withouth ever questioning if moving forward even is the smartest choice (and we saw with Guel the consequences that come from not thinking it through). Raising her to make her the perfect little soldier.

And she succeeded.

#gundam: the witch from mercury #g witch #mobile suit gundam #gwitch #g-witch #gundam the witch from mercury #prospera mercury #suletta mercury #miorine rembran #gundam wfm #wfm spoilers #gundam spoilers #gwitch spoilers #episode 12 #witch from mercury #spoiler #spoilers #long post #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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twistedwonderlandshenanigans · 1 year ago

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Family Headcanons

Because I need there to be drama and angst and accuracy because whoever the fuck wrote for Jack did not do eldest siblings justice /lh Also TW for angry parents (Riddle), divorce, dead parents, su*cide + death of a child (Vil’s) I Promise Not All Of Them Are Sad

- Riddle doesn't know he has an older, disowned sister, which was a contributing factor to how his mother treated him because she didn’t want another disappointment. Riddles mom had another man before Riddles father, and they had Cora Rosehearts (because she kept her maiden name, she didn’t take on her partners last name and insisted for reputations sake, her kids would take on her last name) When Cora was six her behavioural "issues" started coming through, and despite her mothers medical background, she wouldn’t/couldn’t find ways to work with her ADHD to the point she almost hit Cora, but her father stepped in. They argued, the father was horrified, and Ms.Rosehearts blamed him and his genetics for the disappointment of a child. He left right then and there with his daughter and called the cops on her. Nothing happened because there was no proof, but Riddles mothers view of herself was so fragile, she felt she was failing if she didn’t have her perfect family. She very quickly found another man (probably someone she worked with) that she figured would be compatible enough with her to have a child that would meet her expectations Cora’s father finds it difficult to say no to anything Cora asks for because of how she was treated when she was little and he wasn’t always around to protect her. She’s pretty humble and doesn’t ask for much. They're really close and very happy, but Cora often thinks about her mother and what would happen if she did have another kid. Her father finds out about Riddle and debates whether or not he should tell Cora, but once Cora finds out she spends her own money to go find Riddle and show him he has a safe place to come. This happens around Halloween. It’s very overwhelming for Riddle, but eventually the two grow close. Their mother finds out and looses her mind, and she comes to NRC with the intent of homeschooling Riddle again, but Cora stands up to her for him. His mother’s disappointment in him hurts like hell, but he gets to know his biological dad eventually and starts to heal. He can’t bring himself to cut his mother out of his life, but he has harder boundaries after coming home early from winter holidays an emotional mess, just locking himself away in his room until break is over. - Trey is the eldest of 11. Trey’s parents are both pretty optimistic about everything, a little unrealistic This made Trey, as the eldest, learn to be more down to earth, and keep things real, but hopeful. Its exhausting though, any sort of conflict between his parents (not that there’s much) he’s the buffer, but he has to do it for 10 other people. He’s incredibly patient but again, it’s tiring, resulting in apathy when he’s alone or sometimes with Cater/people his age save for Riddle. Seeing as he’s 18, his siblings are all two years younger than the one before them, the only set of twins being the second youngest at 2 years old who he’s closest to emotionally, and the youngest being a baby baby. His sister immediately after him is a little salty that he left home so easily, happy, even to let her take on the responsibility of becoming the “eldest”, but really she’s scared that he is going to leave permanently. Over break he gets the chance to address those fears and make up with her. He loves coming up with new recipes with each of his siblings, and his parents are incredibly proud of him. - Cater's mom and dad are on the brink of divorce his mom (and as a result of his mom, his sisters) spends money to cope but doesn’t have a job herself and relies fully on her husbands accounting skills to make sure things are fine and he's cheated on her once, she knows and uses it to guilt trip him into staying (in their private convos) this was way back, Cater would have been like 6 they, privately, agreed to stay together until all their kids moved out. His mom started trying harder to bond with her kids (also a recovering alcoholic at the time, she’s better by the time he’s 8) but really only succeeded with the girls, and could see that so panicked and just tried to include Cater in everything, thinking it would bring them closer, so if they did divorce before the kids were grown, she figured they’d want to stay with her more often and she could live off child support She also definitely got into a pyramid scheme to prove she could get a job however, his sisters still live at home (26 and 28) and his dad is just so emotionally exhausted he doesn’t care anymore, he’s just really fucking depressed and can’t bring himself to care anymore. - I have nothing to note for Deuce. His mother is perfect. I love their dynamic. - Ace's older brother is Jack Hearts (he held onto his moms last name after she passed and uses it to honour her in his shows, Ace was too young to remember her) they were raised by their dad and grandparents. Ace adores his big brother immensely and texts him on at least a weekly basis, if not daily. Whenever he learns something new that he’s proud of, he takes a video of it and sends it to his family, because he knows that they’re his biggest cheering squad. (based on Disney Recruiters) - Leona’s family also has no change. I do think he and his sister in law are just really salty in almost a fun way towards each other. - Ruggie has SO many adoptive younger siblings (that the community helps raise, its not just up to his grandma). He’s kind of viewed as the communities pride and joy for getting into NRC, they all helped pay for his tuition and whatnot, so in return he helps them however he can. He and his grandma are tight, and they’re little shits to each other. - Jack does not read as an eldest sibling. He’s the youngest, but he has many younger cousins that all live nearby. He’s closest to his oldest/only sister and looks up to her, contributing to his sense of determination. Having had to look after his cousins made him fairly responsible, but as we saw in the tsum event, he still complained when he had to look after the little thing. That’s not an eldest sibling trait /hj. He has a total of four older siblings. His father is a very stoic, hard to read ex-body builder and his mom is a very eccentric, hyperactive tiny woman. His oldest sister has moved out, and married a successful businessman, and they have one child together. His next older brother tried moving out, got his heart broken, and came home to recover but hasn’t left since, and everyone’s ok with it. The second youngest members are twin brothers that loved wrestling with Jack when he was little, and continue to do so today, even though Jack is bigger than them. Their family was fairly conservative, so when one of the twins came out as gay, they worked to understand more. They’ve got the spirit of support even if they don’t fully understand. Jack’s mother loves telling stories about her kids to anyone who will listen, and his dad has pictures of them in his wallet. The cousins are from their dad’s siblings side, as Jack’s mom hasn’t spoken to her sister in a while, but hopes to hear from her soon. - Azul is an only child, raised by his mom and grandma, who yes, he calls his grandma “Nonna” because an underwater Italian leave me alone. They all yell at each other a lot but its never in malice. His mom is really good about giving him hugs though, but he could stand to go without the cheek pinches. - Jade and Floyd are implied to have multiple late siblings from when they were kids, and in Harveston they say "oh this is our family for now (mom, dad, them, and grandma)" which leads me to believe that their mom might be expecting and the whole family is just kinda waiting to see who survives the first 48 hours. The whole family is rather detached, they have to be for the sake of how survival works in the ocean, but now that the tweels are well on their ways to being adults, their mom is a lot more open with welcoming them home and giving them physical affection, and their dad wants to spend more time with them. This is normal for them, and they’re very glad to have gotten to this point. Their grandma has memory issues, so when they’re with her, Jade pins his hair back so the black stripe isn’t visible, making it a little easier for her to discern them from each other. - Jamil and Najma are two years apart in my mind, and their dynamic is excellent, I’m not messing with it. - Kalim has way too many half siblings, but not a single full sibling. This often makes him feel isolated and lonely even when he’s constantly surrounded by people. - Vil is an only child, but technically he's the youngest. (Tw death/suic*de) The press was bribed by his father to not let the story out after his wife suffocated their last child to death when she was two after a mental break. (she was also a renowned celebrity) They kept it hidden for four more years, but when she realized she wanted to do the same thing to Vil, she killed herself in the bathroom. He doesn’t know this, he just remembers her being beautiful and elegant, and wants to emulate her, which he does well. His father initially didn’t really want Vil to get into acting after seeing what it did to his wife, but Vil was adamant about being as much like his mother as possible. His grieving father didn’t have the heart to turn him down. - Rook has 6 siblings, and he is the youngest. Each of his siblings excel in certain areas of hunting, as their parents are like Clayton and Mary Jane from Tarzan. Rook takes after his mother more, as his father spent most of his time with his older siblings out in the woods, or other biomes that they chose to hunt in. Rook stayed with his mother, learning about how to use every part of the animal, honouring it’s sacrifice, the beauty in death, etc. until he was about 9 and his father helped him shoot a long bow for the first time. Family reunions are difficult to schedule, but when they do happen, a nerf battle “to the death” happens, before each person makes their favourite dish from the last place they were. Also, his father used to shoot them with nerf bullets if they were getting too rowdy. - Epel has no change, I love him. One thing to note, I suppose is he is trans. His grandma knows. Doesn’t understand a darned thing but he’s happy so she’s happy for him. - Shrouds have each other, as well as "Mrs. Hades" as their aunt (based on Disney recruiters, link above). Their mom is a very warm, loving person, whereas their dad is more detached, (Mrs. Hades is his sister). I like how they mesh, so I’m leaving this alone. A/N I’m hesitant to say anything about Diasomnia except for Sebek, so apologies if you read all this way to try and find Malleus. He’s an only child. There’s no change. - Sebek has an older brother and sister, his sister shares more visible fae traits than either he or his brother do and he’s a little jealous but won’t admit it. His older brother is very bubbly and takes after their father. Sebek thinks he’s the youngest, however he gets to go home over summer break and find out his mother is pregnant. Also I love the HC that Trey and Sebek are distantly related, so yes, that’s canon here too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alright thank you for reading! If you’d like to be put on a tag list please let me know! Masterlist

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mirrorsmoonlight · 11 months ago

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☆ ~ you don’t have to fight anymore

pairing: platonic!mizzen x district 5!reader summary: while you’re stuck in the cage you offer to be someones pillow for the night—or which mizzen ditches coral to get some well earned rest, maybe even a friend. but friendships don’t make it that far when it’s all for themselves. warnings: bonding (at first), canon violence, death, some language, uploaded via iphone, this was in my drafts for too long so i uploaded it :0

when he first approached you you’d felt fear, it wasn’t a secret that his district partner was one of the scariest tributes in here and your position didn’t really make you trust others that easily. but when you looked over you could sense he wasn’t planning to harm you, him looking more scared than you as he approached.

you were quiet as he stood infront of you, eyes directed away from his form to hopefully encourage him to spill the reason he came. but only after a few moments you couldn’t stand the awkward silence any longer, “with coral’s tight grip on you i never thought you’d ever make any connections with anyone but her.”

mizzen’s eyes embarrassedly shot down to his feet, your tone letting him know this was already a bad idea, “well i- just wanted to talk to you, it kinda gets boring talking to one person all the time.” at that your eyes softened a little, reminded that the other tributes you’d soon be against we’re around your age - mizzen looking like he were one of the youngest - and were all coping in different ways.

“right, sorry,” you shot him an embarrassed smile before patting the open spot next to you, “here, to make up for the bad first impression i made.”

he shot a sideways smile in thanks, making himself at home on the uncomfortable rock you perched yourself on before nervously turning towards you. “what’s your name,” there was genuine curiosity on his face, making you both confused and appreciative in a way.

“(name),” you smiled for a short moment but then frowned as the awful thoughts of what’s to come poisoned your mind and shot down your elevated attitude from moments before, “what does it matter anyways? in a few days we’ll be fighting to the death, not caring about our opponents name or the life they had before.”

“oh,” hurt blossomed across his face, sitting in silence for a bit as he pondered what to say back, “it matters because our names are the only thing we can keep, the rest of our life stripped away from us as soon as our names were called.”

“i know we’re all gonna die - that much is clear - but i just hoped i could know you all before that,” guilt bubbled back at the back of your throat again, his face scrunched up in a sad frown when you looked back at him.

“shit, m’sorry kid, things have just been overwhelming,” you finally turned towards him, averting your whole attention to the conversation, gesturing towards him as you muttered your next words, “and that doesn’t excuse my behavior, since you’re obviously handling it somewhat better than i am.”

you paused for a moment, “it just that, knowing eachother will only make it harder when one of us have to die,” a tinge of sadness in your gaze as you looked at the young boy.

“that’s true,” mizzen looks down at his hands, a tear slipping down his cheek as he tries his best to get it together, upset at how emotional getting reaped made him and not wanting others to find him as an easy target because of his open vulnerability, “ it’s just, maybe we don’t have to be enemies.”

his innocence made your heart hurt, “maybe not out here but in the arena you have much better chances with coral, so sometime along the way we’ll be on opposite sides.” not sparing any time after to change the subject.

“well I’m actually kinda glad you came,” you offered a smile, “it’s nice knowing that they’re people who care enough to ask those types of things regardless of the circumstances we’re in.” mizzen smiled in return - the drying tear tracks staining his cheeks - although halfway through it, it broke into a yawn.

“you should go rest with coral,” you gestured where she was, not hiding the fact she was watching our interaction, “don’t want her coming for my head before we even get into the arena by keeping you here.”

mizzen looked back at her before shrugging, “i don’t think i mean that much to her, she’s probably just watching to make sure i don’t betray her in the arena.”

that caused the words to die in your throat, not knowing how to respond, having to have him to continue the conversation, “could i just stay here for the night? I don’t want to go back.”

you nodded in response as a sense of protectiveness washing over you, “you can rest on my shoulder too if you want, i know that there isn’t much in here that’s comfier.” mizzen looked at you for a second, contemplating your offer before gently resting his head on you, muttering a little ‘thank you’ before he closed his eyes.

it didn’t have to end like this, it shouldn’t have ended like this. the guilt bubbling in his throat mixing with the bile that he had to force himself to hold back as he watched your body fall from the beam before landing with the harsh smack on the arena floor.

what’s worse was that he was apart of this.

although he knew coral was planning to kill you, did he have to be apart of the joint effort? couldn’t he have distracted her a bit or maybe messed up so you could get away? couldn’t have coral asked tanner or treech to do it with her instead?

his momentary shock was dissipated as coral called for him and the others, readying up to hunt lucy gray after catching her emptying the water bottles they had gathered prior to killing you.

he carefully climbed down from the beam before crouching at your body - making sure the others weren’t watching before continuing - to mutter the last message to you that’ll come from his lips, “rest, it’s your turn to dream now.” he paused for a moment before his shaking fingers gently shut your eyes closed.

before making his way to the others, he shot a sorrowful look over his shoulder one last time, knowing that soon he’ll either join you or he’ll have to live with the guilt of what he’d done.

a/n: uploading a treech fic soon! and completely disregard the fact that this wasn’t posted on saturday :0

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canonicallyobserving911 · 7 months ago

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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 27 is now available on AO3.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 27 chapters completed: 1.097M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 27 of emotionally distraught Buck and Eddie after Buck prepares to admit he's ready to face his death after having avoided it for 10 months.

___________

“EDDIE!” He screams then he hiccups on a sob but he does his best to keep talking so he can explain. “I—I don’t know how to pro—cess it. I got struck by light—ning and—and uh… I—I DIED!”

While looking at his husband, his eyes begin to rapidly move around like he’s searching for an answer and once realization sets in, he continues. “Then you… you had to…” He trails off again as his eyes widen even more and the look in them changes to something that resembles sheer horror and fear. His mouth falls open and all the words he wants to say come to a screeching halt inside of his mind.

Immediately, silence fills their bedroom, it’s deafening and the mood gets heavier but Eddie remains directly in his husband’s line of sight, so he’ll know he’s right in front of him.

Their eyes are locked on each other’s and after a few seconds pass, Buck breaks the sound barrier and yells, “OH MY GOD!”

Eddie can tell all the pieces to the puzzle from the night Buck died are falling into place but since Buck was dead, everything he knows about those three minutes and seventeen seconds was told to him by someone else including Eddie. Imagining how terrifying it must be for him sends a shockwave through his body and he fully understands how upsetting this is especially since he remembers all the feelings he experienced every time he remembered being shot. But there’s a difference since he was in and out of consciousness and he remembers bits and pieces of the things that happened and the blanks were filled in by Buck. Instead of remembering some of it, Buck’s only been told by other people what happened to him and having all those thoughts bombard his frontal lobe at the same time has to be overwhelming.

All he wants to do is take the pain away and with all his attention focused on his husband, he calmly says, “I love you and it’s ok because I’m right here with you. Always and forever, remember?”

Buck lowers his eyes like he does whenever he feels like he should have been able to fix it but Eddie’s not going to let him blame himself for something that’s not his fault. He softly suggests, “Amore mio, guardami”. [“My love, look at me”.]

He slowly raises his eyes and when they meet his husband’s, he shatters and falls forward but Eddie catches him just like he did yesterday. He’s crying so hard he’s hyperventilating and Eddie’s trying to calm him because he doesn’t want him to become unresponsive and fall into a state of unconsciousness again.

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-27 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #The Diaz Family #buddie fanfic #ao3 fanfic #911 fanfic #911 abc #911 on abc #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading #Chapter 27 is now available on AO3 #This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

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tech-92 · 2 months ago

Text

Tech and his "Extra Curriculars"

(CW: Talks of car crashes, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and hard kink)

When it comes to thinking or talking about Tech in any sexual situation, I feel it's important to understand where we come from here on this blog. A lot of posts on our blog tagged "#tbb tech" have this weird masochistic vibe to them and that's for a reason. Our understanding of Tech comes mostly from our development of a concept we call "Tech Crash". The "Crash" part in Tech Crash is from the 1996 movie Crash staring James Spader where essentially, he gets off on participating in car crashes. Anyways, here's what we have written down about the Tech Crash situation:

I finally figured it out what's going on with Tech. I had been having trouble because I knew that there was something Weird happening with him, I just wasn’t sure what exactly. Now I know. So, like obviously it’s been (practically) established in canon that he’s autistic. I also personally read him as someone who’s ace but still has sex and enjoys it. I think both of those things are intrinsic to his experience of sex. I also think both of those things lend quite well to him being into some strange and unusual fetish. We also happen to know he’s into high speed racing and shit from the show… And its like Crash in which he's like, into car crashes but it’s not exactly that. But I am expanding on that. I think he’s into very high-risk scenarios and extreme masochism.

Part of the Tech autism situation is that, it’s really clear he has a hard time with emotions. Specifically, I think he has a lot of trouble parsing out how he feels about things and what to do about that, how to cope, etc. Which is why he tends to ignore problems (ex: when Echo was gone in season 2). Because even if he can recognize he’s upset about something, he can’t really process it in more detail than that. This causes some issues given that he’s a clone and is regularly forced to experience very very dangerous situations with the very very real threat of death breathing down his neck. That’s emotionally and physically devastating. But those scenarios also have a very dramatic effect on the brain in the sense that pivoting SO DRAMATICALLY so quickly from a mindset of urgent survival, "holy shit i am about to die get it together i have to live i have to live" to the overwhelming and ecstatic relief of actually surviving creates a mental sensation not unlike orgasm. And then, pairing that chemical high with the fresh sensation of pain from the injuries he sustained during the survival period creates a deep association of extreme pain with extreme pleasure, even if it is in a twisted context. As an autistic person with similar alexithymia (emotional blindness) to Tech, I can DEFINITELY see him processing those sensations in a sexual way. His emotions would be way easier to recognize and interact with if they’re associated with the distinctive, familiar emotion of sexual arousal.

Of course, those intense scenarios are a very prominent part of his life, and I think as he gets older there comes a stronger divide between the painful, high-risk scenarios he experiences for work and the painful, high-risk scenarios he puts himself in deliberately for sexual pleasure. But I think a significant reason he chooses to put himself in those situations is that, if he’s regularly experiencing that level of fear, pain, and release voluntarily, it makes it a lot easier to handle those things when he’s forced to experience them outside of his own volition.

I want to be clear that I think his enjoyment of masochism is a very sensory focused thing that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with sub/dom dynamics, in fact I think he is specifically not into that sort of thing. I also think his masochism has nothing to do with underlying self-hatred or any sense of “deserving” it. It is PURELY because he likes the sensation of pain and gets off to it. That’s a big part of what I mean when I say his experience of sex is fundamentally autistic. I also think that in general, he’s just not really that into other people. Like, he is willing to have sex with other people, but mostly just because there’s certain things that he can’t really do to himself, whether due to physical or psychological barriers, or just that the safety risk involved in hurting yourself really bad often necessitates another person’s presence in case he passes out or something. What he considers sex/sexual activity is mostly stuff that is barely, if at all, recognizable as sex in the typical definition. This is why I think his experience of sex is also fundamentally aroace.

To get back to the Crash thing. I do think that broadly he is just simply into the idea of danger to a really strong degree, and that can be sort of anything. But he already knows a lot about and has a lot of experience with vehicles, and I think that pushing their abilities and his skills to the absolute brink is gratifying to him both in an experimental way and in a sexual way. He also has the conceptualization to understand the inherent sexiness of metal, cars, etc. even if he is not sexually attracted to the cars themselves. So yeah, he’s getting into crashes. He’s not into it in the same way they are in Crash, where the end-goal/ULTIMATE release is death; as I said this is all a very primal sensory thing for him and he is not into the idea of near-death so much as he is into the rush of endorphins that he experiences while in those situations. While his thing is very high-risk, he is careful about protecting the most important/vulnerable parts of his body and making sure things are set up in a way such that he can hurt a lot without being in too much actual danger of death/infection. However, I do think that when he was younger he took more risks and did some crazy shit that he should NOT have done but calmed down and became more careful as he got older. He probably has the most elaborate and frightening collection of scars. The Crash thing is also why he handles the fractured femur with such ease.

Additionally this part of why TechPhee does not work, at least for me. She could try to figure out how to flirt with him for months and he wouldn’t realize, then she’d finally just ask him out and by the time they hit the bedroom he is like “I need you to hurt me so bad I’m seeing stars in order to get off” and she’d be like "you know what this is not worth it I think we should just be friends". Any apparent mutual interest in each other would just be like, Phee thinking “His eyes are so beautiful I think I want to make love to him” and Tech thinking “she is pretty I wonder if she’d be willing to carve holes into my thighs” or something

#intro commentary by m and explanation by django #also edited by m #tbb tech #tech bad batch #bad batch #the bad batch #tbb #ct 9902 #star wars #clone wars #m+d talk

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kalixora · 2 years ago

Text

“I’m death. Straight up.”

Gaz x reader (Kinda🦭)

. Uhhh surprise?

INSPIRATION: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

I watched the movie again...

Codename: Death

“Task 141. The dangerous ones without guns, a secret force that hides in the shadows and takes down enemies far and wide… and yet here we are, like a cat on its last life.”

Price narrowed his gaze, taking in your presence was one thing. But speaking with you directly was a different matter entirely; it was like being in the presence of death itself.

And what you were / are Death. When it was to your advantage, you were cold, cruel, brutal, and at times empathetic. You were frequently kept under close observation since you had a reputation for making a statement, but that didn't deter you.

"Do you find this amusing?" Price inquired sternly.

“Very,” you mused.

“Why’s that?”

“Because, your standing in here with me alone with no backup.”

Price hummed, crossing his arms, a powerful bodily movement he knew wouldn't bother you, but he needed to get control of the situation. You were both aware that you had the overwhelming advantage, as you always did. This was body language to catch your attention, and you enjoyed a good test.

"Captain, why are you here?" You chuckled. "I can't imagine the strings you pulled to stand in a room with me; are you sure you don't want to smoke one of those cigars?"

“No,” Price leaned to the side and took out a little piece of paper and a pen. He set it on the table and slid it halfway to you. You took the paper and read it as you looked at him, mystified. Your sneer, on the other hand, never wavered. As you tap the pen against the table, a small chuckle escapes your lips.

“What’s this a permission slip?”

“You could say that, yes.”

You hummed as you leaned back in your chair, your gaze scanning the Captain's face, which was solemn. Without a doubt, serious.

"I'm flattered, believe me, but why me? You have Ghost don't you? Say how is Simon doing? Is he behaving himself? And how is Kyle? Still attractive?"

Price nods, “They’re fine.”

“Mmmm, so what’s the problem captain? Tired of your life flashing before your eyes?”

“Then I wouldn’t be good at my job, so here’s the deal- I want you to join my task force, your a powerhouse and from I’ve gathered a lone wolf, even lone wolves stray from packs yeah?”

“Correct.”

“I think it’s time we put that line wolf back with a pack, what do ya say?”

You began to snicker, “That was a cheesy analogy Price but, not to shabby, let me explain something to you, a wolf who distances themselves from the world is called a traitor but one who stays is called a deceiver.”

“That so? There’s a fine line between right and wrong, if the wolf becomes a deceiver and a traitor what do you make of the pack…”

“They meet death.”

“I see… so then do we all know death?”

“Only when it comes to you,” you say with the tilt of your head. “Even the strongest of us Captain will always live a life of fear.”

Price stood up and walked out of the room, where Kate stood on the other side. Price let out a rough sigh and shook his head, one more minute with you in there and it was a wrap. He lost.

“Well,” Kate hummed, “what they say?”

“Bloody bastard didn’t give an answer…”

“I told you.”

“I know…”

“They’ll come.”

Price turned to Laswell his expression was unreadable but she could tell he was irritated. “What makes you so sure?”

“Known Death for a long time, shows up when your in distress… don’t worry to much captain, they’ll show.”

…

The mission has gone to complete shit, Price didn’t know if this was a set up from the get go. Gaz had gone missing and Soap managed to tackle someone out the window and got shot at the same time. Ghost tried to contact Gaz for at least thirty minutes now but the only thing he got back was static. Price searched high and low but each trail of blood he followed they all lead to different bodies, but never Gaz.

Soap: Price how copy?

Price: Copy, report?

Soap: No sign of Gaz, just different bodies

Ghost: He may be unconscious somewhere

Price: That means we have a chance, cover more ground under.

Soap leaned against the wall getting ready to shoot the target unaware of everything about to unfold. He found Gaz the second Price said those words, Gaz was unconscious like Ghost said but, he wasn’t alone.

There was someone else nearby, and they were whistling?

Soap cringed slightly at the tone of the whistle it sounded creepy and off putting yet fascinating. The whistle came closer as Soap peered around the corner seeing the person standing directly over Gaz, Soap placed his finger in the trigger of his gun aiming at them.

“Relax comrade.”

Soap stepped out of his corner fully seeing that you had a blade directly in front of Gaz’s face inches away from inserting it.

“Excuse you?”

“I’m one of you,” you chuckle before standing up fully, you held eye contact with Soap as you got closer to him, “Go on, pick him up.”

Soap stared at you unsure, he wanted to call Price or Ghost, you stood on the side of him now glaring at him. “Pick. Him. Up.”

Soap kept an eye on you while moving quickly towards Gaz, he checked his pulse then began to lift him up placing his arm over his shoulder before turning back to you. You were gone. Without a sound.

Soap managed his way with Gaz and finally reaching it to the others and setting course for base. Soap didn’t say anything the whole ride over, his mind was racing of the thoughts of you, who were you? What were you? What did you mean one of them?

Once landed they all made way to see Laswell, where she stood outside her door waiting for them with a file in her hand. “How’s he doing?”

“Alright, doctor says he should be awake within the next hour or so,” Price answered he tone sounding relieved.

“Something the matter Johnny?” Ghost asked as the two began to head over to see Gaz in the infirmary.

“I don’t know how to explain it, it was so- bloody weird,” Soap says through his confusion. “Did Price mention having a new recruit?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Ghost hummed.

Ghost opened the door to the infirmary stopping as he stared inside, Soap peered in the room seeing you again. Right by Gaz’s side. You had your hand on his forehead and you were whispering something to him. In which Gaz began to react to it, his chest moved up and down as if he was chuckling, and he was. His eye fluttering open being met with your piercing gaze.

“Y/N…” Gaz muttered giving you a small smile.

“Rise and shine sleeping beauty, how are feeling?” You say as you look up at Ghost and Soap entering the room. You waved at the two of them, “Ah there you two are, was starting to think you wouldn’t show.”

“Y/N…” Ghost said almost in disbelief.

“Simon,” you greeted with a smile. “You’ve seen better days.”

“Are you the new recruit?” Ghost asked.

“That I am,” you replied. “Soap right?” You said fixing your gaze on him.

Soap nods, “Bloody hell are ya?”

“ Death.”

“Death?” Soap chuckles, “As in what?”

“Not any other fancy way, I’m Death straight up.”

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bucks-daddy-issues · 5 months ago

Note

🫴 🫴 🫴 🫴

Hello! I got six anon asks for all of my wips and I'm gonna hope/assume they're all from you and put them all in one post.

Hope you enjoy, thank you!!!

😳 Down Bad Eddie (NSFW)

Buck is so keen, he’s smiling so big but there isn’t a trace of mocking in his tone. He’s happy, and he’s playful and he’s more radiant than the fucking sun. Eddie almost feels like he shouldn’t be looking directly at him, so beautiful he’ll make Eddie go blind.

Eddie feels dizzy, his chest is a little tight and he’s not sure if it’s for good or bad reasons. Buck is so pretty, so warm and Eddie's breath is-

“Can we- pause for a minute?” Eddie grits out, and immediately Buck steps back, hands dragging up slow until they’re on Eddie’s shoulders instead of his waist.

“Of course, of course Eddie. You okay?” Buck says, eyes searching, as blue as the ocean in holiday brochures.

“I’m amazing, I just… this is a little overwhelming.”

“Overwhelming… good?” Buck asks, God he’s so earnest Eddie wants to shove him into a wall and bite.

“Very, very good.” Eddie beams. “But this is a little new, could we…?”

“Slow down, yes, yeah, we should slow down. We got a lot to talk about.” Buck smiles back.

Then Buck is stepping away, moving to the kitchen to start up the coffee maker.

🔫 Hitman's Bodyguard AU

“I think we can-“

There’s a noise, Buck knows there must have been because his ears are ringing. There’s a noise. His face is wet. There’s blood in his mouth. Eddie is looking at him, reaching out but the whole world is encased in freezing cold, solid ice and Buck must need it to melt before he can move again.

A red spot slowly blooms and grows on Eddie’s shoulder, red, red, red. Eddie’s hand is reaching, his eyes pleading.

Buck can’t move.

The moment Eddie drops to the ground Buck can move again, and he realises that that eternity watching the pain cloud out the life in Eddie’s eyes must have only been a second because he jumps for cover a moment before another bullet hits the wall he’d been leaning against.

Eddie’s still out in the open, but whoever’s shooting doesn’t seem too concerned about finishing him off - thank god - whoever it is, they're going for Buck, they just needed Eddie out of the way.

A bullet hits their car. Buck’s heart is beating in his skull. His throat feels like it's shut tight but somehow he’s still panting.

Another bullet. This one nicks the gas tank, oil leaks out into the road.

Buck has seconds. One good shot and the car blows, one decent one and a fire will start.

Behind them is a 30-foot drop into a roaring water. Buck has no idea how deep, but he knows jumping will mean either breaking his legs or going under.

For the first time in his life, he’s praying he’ll feel water above his head.

👻 Ghost hunter AU

“You want us to what?” Buck flinches.

“It’s just for one night Buck, it’ll be fine.” Hen says, and this time Eddie is the one who flinches, he already knows what Buck’s reaction will be.

“It’s just one night in a haunted building, Hen!” Buck yells, eyes wide in fear. “If you’re so sure no one will won’t get murdered or possessed or like- scared to death, then you do it!”

Hen smirks, “Sorry Buckaroo, I’m not the one with their face on all the merch, looks like it’s just you and Eddie braving the demons and ghosts.”

“There’s no demons!” Eddie steps in, glaring at Hen and Chimney’s smug grins. “The building has one single ghost sighting, one ghost, no demons, no poltergeists and no malicious spirits, just one friendly ghost.”

“You don’t even believe in ghosts.” Chimney remarks,

“One ghost that we know of, Eds.” Buck mumbles “What if there’s something else in there. Something hiding until it’s got us at our most vulnerable.

Buck makes himself shiver, Eddie scoots closer to drop a hand on his shoulder. “We’re going to scope it out first, we’ll try everything we have to catch any paranormal activity and if you don’t want to stay after that-” Eddie sends Bobby a look, there’s no question in it, but Bobby nods anyway, “-then we wont stay, okay?”

Buck leans further into Eddie’s space, his eyes are big and scared but keeps looking at Eddie anyway, seeking comfort. “Okay” he finally agrees. “But you’re sleeping closest to the door.”

💍 Romcom AU

Buck finds Eddie by the fountain, clicking through pictures on his camera.

“You okay?” Buck asks, sitting down next to him.

Eddie flicks his head up in surprise, somehow he must have missed Buck’s arrival. “Oh yeah.” He mumbles, looking back at his camera. On it there’s a photo of Maddie, Chimney and Jee-Yun with big, cheesy grins, it looks amazing, one to be framed. Buck can’t wait to see all the rest. “Don't let me keep you from the party, I promise I’ll be back to take more photos soon, just needed a little break.”

“Of course, take your time. I’m gonna take a break too, if that’s okay.” Buck smiles, he glances down at the rippling water in the fountain. There are no coins in it, but Buck still wants to throw one in and make a wish.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asks, nudging Buck with his knee.

“I asked you first,” Buck replies, nudging back.

Eddie harrumphs but after a moment he drops his shoulders and speaks “I miss my wife. Or I guess I miss this.” He gestures to the happy photo on his camera screen. “Though I’m not sure we ever had all that, can you miss something you’ve never had?”

Buck stares for a minute, maybe a little too long. “Oh yeah. All the time.”

“You too?” Eddie asks, his smile pained.

“Well I don’t have a wife to miss, but yes, I miss what Maddie and Chimney have. I’ve never told anyone and I feel awful about it, but I’m super jealous of them.”

“Me too. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, just-“ Eddie puts the camera down, leaning forward to stare into the water. “It’s hard sometimes, to be stuck with just hope.”

Buck reaches into his pocket to grab his wallet. He finds a few coins in the bottom and hands one to Eddie. “I don’t think wishing is much better than hoping, but hey, maybe they accumulate.”

🥂 Hangover AU

“Coffee?” Bobby asks, holding out the menu.

“Strong enough to chew please” Eddie groans, flattening his head on the cool metal of the poolside tables. It's way too warm.

“I think I just threw up in my mouth a little,” Hen grimaces “Never say that again.”

“Get her coffee too.” Chimney adds as Bobby gets the waiter's attention.

“What’s the last thing anyone remembers?” Buck asks.

“I left you guys after dinner, you were all pretty sober, maybe two or three drinks each,” Bobby says once he’s ordered Hen and Eddie espresso, Bucks stomach feels queasy at the thought of drinking that.

“Okay, I can remember dinner, then we went to that club Albert booked, it was named after some jewel, aquamarine or something?”

“The amethyst and it was a casino too.” Chimney supplies, sighing heavily.

“I hate Vegas.” Eddie groans “We should check our bank accounts.”

“Oh, That’s a good idea! We can look at all the transactions from last night and see where we went!” Buck says just a little too loud for even his own ears, he gulps the water sitting in front of him, thank you, Bobby.

“Right, empty your pockets too, we’re all still wearing our clothes from last night, right?” Chim adds, patting his blazer

Buck and Eddie reply in the affirmative, feeling grubby.

“Hell no, the first thing I did was change my clothes” Hen grimaces.

“You guys should really change,” Bobby adds, but he at least looks invested in helping, Buck can tell he’s in captain mode just by his facial expression.

“Well some of us weren’t given the chance” Eddie replies pointedly.

“Later!” Chim says “C’mon, does anyone have anything?”

Buck searches through his pockets surveying the contents as they’re placed on the table, his phone - dead, a McDonald’s receipt, keys, wallet, Albert’s phone, a business card…

Wait

“Oh fuck!” Buck shouts, lifting the phone back up, “This is Al’s”

Chimney snatches it from him “Why do you have my brother’s phone?”

“I don’t know!”

“Why do you have a business card for a tattoo parlour a couple blocks from here?” Eddie asks, lifting the card. Buck glances at it, vaguely remembering talking to a tattoo artist as she-

“Ah, that’s why my hip is sore.”

🫴 Your Touch Is All I Need (NSFW)

The next day at work that tenseness comes back to haunt him.

He should have found some time to jerk off quickly, he probably could have in the shower if he hadn’t been so preoccupied with his own failure and embarrassment, but he didn’t and now the entire 24-hour shift is going about as smooth as a hacksaw.

He’s on edge and Buck must be able to tell because he’s trailing behind Eddie like a lost puppy and it’s making Eddie feel even worse. He knows Buck thinks he did something wrong, and he’s so ashamed he’s hurting Buck, but he can’t seem to look the other man in the eye. He can barely handle when they’re on the way to a call and Buck’s thigh is pressed up hard against his own. It’s Buck’s way of giving him some silent reassurance, so he nudges back and tries to train his eyes away from where that line of heat is pressing up against him. Buck’s thick thighs have been in enough of his dreams without more fodder.

When they arrive on the scene Eddie could laugh - he won’t because that would be so rude and completely misinterpreted - but when he finds out a woman has had an unfortunate sexual incident while using a toy, somehow kicking her boyfriend in the face and causing a broken nose, well, Eddie laughs internally about how maybe the universe does scream sometimes.

Hen is helping the woman, while Eddie is looking over the man, the bleeding is nearly stopped and he should be fine once he gets to hospital, but Eddie pays him as much attention as he can so he doesn’t have to think about the vibrator sitting on the floor near his knee.

When they finally get them sorted, the man on his way to the hospital with his girlfriend holding his hand, the team huddle back into the fire engine, and Eddie is sure they’re all thinking the same thing.

“Well… She must have been having a good time” Chim says, and that’s all it takes for them all to burst into a fit of giggles.

“Come on guys, a little more professional” Bobby says, but he’s grinning too, his face bright pink.

“Hey, I’ve been there!” Buck laughs “I think I broke the poor guy's ribs but I like to think it was worth it.” Everyone laughs again.

Wait. What the fuck.

No one is batting an eye. Buck just admitted to using a toy on himself with another man, and no one is batting an eye.

Did they all know? Was Eddie meant to know? How did he somehow miss this? Is…is Buck gay or bi or pan or something along those lines?

Has he been openly into men this whole time?

#buddie #buddie fic #tag game

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