#and not ace + aro as an afterthought

[heartless-aro]

Reminder that just because a character isn’t explicitly referred to as aspec doesn’t mean that it isn’t harmful to the aspec community when the character is written in a way that implicitly ties their cruelty or their violence or their evil acts to their disinterest in romance, sex, or other forms of relationships. Dexter Morgan may have never been called aromantic or asexual in-text, but when I came out as aro ace to my family, I still got a reaction of “Oh, so like the main character from Dexter! He doesn’t have interest in those sort of relationships either, because he’s a serial killer.”

J.K. Rowling may have never called Voldemort aromantic, but she did directly tie his evil acts and his choice to be a genocidal monster to the fact that he cannot feel love. People have told me that this wasn’t arophobic of her at all, because “his inability to love is psychopathy, not aromanticism!” Ableism against people with personality disorders aside, this doesn’t actually change the fact that Rowling’s writing, specifically her characterization of Voldemort, is deeply arophobic. When I read the Harry Potter series as a kid, it made me feel broken and dirty, and I remember realizing abruptly that this writer whose work I had gotten so invested in would likely have seen a part of me—which I didn’t yet have the words to describe but which was a core part of my being—as something evil, immoral, and shameful.

Anyway, a character doesn’t have to identify as aromantic or as asexual to be written in a way that’s arophobic and/or acephobic. Discussions of aro coding and ace coding are often relegated to the realm of headcanons, and that can make it feel almost like we aren’t “allowed” to call out arophobia and acephobia in mainstream media. This character who kicks puppies and commits genocide every other Tuesday due to being incapable of love isn’t really aromantic, right? That’s just a headcanon.

But even without our words being used to describe these characters, we are still harmed by the existence of characters who are evil because they don’t love or who are just too evil and gross for the writers to feel comfortable imagining them in a sexual or romantic relationship (We don’t want to think about Dark Lord Puppy Kicker kissing someone or having SEX! Ew! He’s far too repulsive to be thought of in such a light. Let’s just imply he doesn’t care for such things.). This rant is a bit messy and disorganized because I’m very tired, but hopefully y’all get what I’m trying to say.

[sircarolyn]

asexuals (and aromantics) asexuality (and aromanticism) asexuals(/aromantics!) (and aros!) (aro)ace (aromanticism!!)

[qoldenskies]

Same anon who mentioned transmasc Donnie...

I also kinda like aroace Donnie, but just for protection reasons, bc I'm aroace and he's my fav. But I do see the canon evidence to the contrary, and I'm on board with your headcanons as well.

OH DONT WORRY IM NOT PUTTING DOWN THE HEADCANON COMPLETELY i was specifically critiquing the way allo people specifically pick out autistic-coded characters to throw that label at and how it feels stereotyping, i think aro/ace people can do whatever they want LMAO

[nightvale359]

I would appreciate it if more aroace rep focused a little less on the ace part and a little more on the aro part

[actual-corpse]

I wish I was allowed to be lgbt+

I wonder if I would be happier. Feel more fulfilled. Find love, not only external but also internal.

[pansexual-pied-piper]

Hate how some ppl seem to read aro as afterthought

[our-arospec-experience]

The whole time I’ve identified as aromantic, I’ve also identified as ace, because I don’t feel sexual attraction. But the ace label has always made me uncomfortable, and feels wrong, I guess.

Figuring out I was Aro meant lots of things clicked, and I felt relieved to know it. It felt important and is the huge banner of my sexuality. The ace part however I was just kinda like yeah sure whatever, and it’s kinda an afterthought. Being aromantic means so much to me, and feels like my whole sexuality. I’m proud of it.

But with sexual attraction, honestly, I don’t really feel I’m ace-spec or allo. And I know that may sound weird but it’s just me. The ace label makes me uncomfortable if referring to me (no internalised acephobia, they’re lovely folks, some of my favourite people are ace - I’m just unhappy if it’s describing me).

I know this is an Aro blog, so it may be weird I brought up asexuality here, but I wanted to know if it’s possible that maybe I’m just an aro identity I don’t know about, because lately it feels like that.

If not thanks for reading anyway, it felt good to get out. To anyone reading this: you are valid and I hope you have an amazing day. You deserve it. -💚👾 (if that’s not taken <2)

thanks for sharing :) ! You can absolutely fit a label and yet not want to use it, you are still valid.

[cl0udhopper]

Happy aromantic awareness week! For this aro awareness week and beyond it is your duty to acknowledge and accept aros who aren't asexual. Stop conflating aromanticism with a lack of sexual desire, stop demonizing sex without romance, stop assuming every aro you see is also ace (this goes DOUBLE for real people but it would be great if you could stop describing characters who only canonically show disinterest in romance as "ace representation" too). Include aromanticism in the conversation – and not just as an afterthought after you bring up ace people. Include us in pride posts, learn about amatonormativity and queerplatonic relationships, if you're a creative consider making aromantic characters who aren't also asexual (side note: this is not me saying don't make aroace characters. we can have both). Educate others about aromanticism and SPECIFY that you don't have to be aroace to be aro. From your local aro acespec (not ace), y'all could be doing so much better for the aroallos, non sam aros, etc. in the community

[sarocasm]

Total aces: 55

Total aros: 36 1/2 (counting the Shadowhunters one as 1/2 due to the show un-aroing the character)

Confirmed aces: 41

Confirmed aros: 21 1/2

Aroaces: 35 1/2

Alloaros: 1

Alloaces (& possibly non-SAM aces): 19 1/2

List/ Collage with A-Spec Characters: canon confirmed, and popular headcanons

Colours:

Canon confirmed: blue

popular headcanon/ speculation: orange

Alastor, Hazbin Hotel: ace, aro

Senku Ishigami, Dr. Stone: ace, aro

Vi Moradi, Star Wars: ace, aro

Victor Vale, Vicious: ace, biromantic

Spongebob: ace

Kirby: ace, aro, non-binary

the Knight, Hollow Knight: agender, ace, aro

Todd Chavez, BoJack Horseman: ace

Georgia Warr, Loveless: ace, aro, aego?

Jughead Jones, Archie: ace

Doomguy/ Dooomslayer: ace

Seiji Maki, Bloom into you: ace, aro, aegoromantic?

Monkey D. Luffy, One Piece: ace, aro

Connor Hawke, DC Comics: ace, alloromantic

Perry the platypus: ace, aro

Kusuo Saiki, Disastrous life of Saiki K.: ace, aro

Yelena Belova, Marvel: ace, aro

Izaya Orihara, Durara: ace, aro

Daryl Dixon, the Walking Dead: ace

Keyleth, Critical Role: demisexual

Neil Josten, Foxhole Court: demisexual, demiromantic

Isaac Henderson, Heartstopper: ace, aro

Vernestra Rwoh, Star Wars: ace, aro

Light Yagami, Death Note: ace, aro

Caduceus Clay, Critical Role: ace, aro

Murderbot, Murderbot Diaries: ace, aro, genderless

Jonathan "Jon" Simms, Magnus Archives: ace, biromantic

Shouto Todoroki, Boku no Hero Academia: ace, aro

Lilith Clawthorne, Owl House: ace, aro

Bill Cypher, Gravity Falls: ace, aro, agender

Ezperanza "Spooner" Cruz, Legends of Tomorrow: ace

Nadia Van Dyne/ the Wasp, Marvel: ace, aro, quoiromantic

Peridot, Stephen Universe: ace, aro

Gwenpool, Marvel: ace, aro

Frieren: ace, aro/ aspec

Joffrey Baratheon, Game of Thrones: ace, aro

Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle: ace, aro

Lord Varys, Game of Thrones: ace, aro

Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano, Percy Jackson: ace, aro

Son Goku, Dragonball: ace

10th Doctor, Doctor Who (David Tennant): ace, panromantic

11th Doctor, Doctor Who (Matt Smith): ace

Sakuko Kodama, Koisenu Futari: ace, aro

Satoru Takahashi, Koisenu Futari: ace, aro

Felicity Montague, Lady's guide to petticoats and piracy: ace, aro

Jasnah Kholin, Stormlight Archive: ace, heteroromantic

Loth, Priory of the Orange Tree: grey-ace

Tané, Priory of the Orange Tree: ace, aro

Adèle, Baker Thief: demisexual, bi

Claire/ Claude, Baker Thief: aro (aroallo!), genderfluid

Sandry, Circle of Magic: ace

Ling Chan, the Diviners: ace, lesbian

Nancy Whitman, Every Heart a Doorway: ace, alloromantic

Kel, Protector of the Small: ace, aro

Natalie, Natural History of Dragons: ace, aro

Raphael Santiago, Shadowhunters: Cassandra Clare: ace, aro (In the show only ace)

Please note that I took most of my information from online, and I didn't personally read/ watch everything, so there may be some mistakes. Also, some of the not-canon characters are very likely aspec, but just not confirmed. And especially if they say/ do really obviously aro/ ace stuff, I wasn't sure if it's enough to put them in the "confirmed" category. (e.g. Saiki literally said he isn't attracted to anyone regardless of gender, and never wants to be in a relationship. But there are still people who doubt his aroace-ness. (And at this point I don't see how it could be anything but aphobia, to deny the mere possibility of him being aroace so vehemently lol.) ) Also: Sadly, I couldn't find good aro-allo characters except Claire/ Claude from "baker thief". There is tons of good a-spec representation in that book (also more side characters that I didn't mention here), but I couldn't really find any fan-art. So then I just slapped the entire book cover on the collage.

[sheyri]

My Triple A experience at Pride

I love going to Pride. Being among fellow queer people, loud music, blocking traffic with our demonstration, and just vibing. I try to attend as many as I can and travel for hours on full trains if necessary.

Big Prides are great, but I especially love smaller ones in rural areas. It's less of a party and more of a demonstration, as it should be. Unfortunately rural in my area means risking confrontations with nazis, but that's a different story.

But no matter how much I love being at Pride, there's always this underlying feeling of being excluded.

Even at smaller Prides, I'm usually not the only person with an ace flag. Occasionally you can find someone with an aro flag, sometimes even an aroace person. Rarely someone with an agender flag. Though there are more people with those as pins or other accessories. But hey, most people just have the rainbow flag and no one has to disclose their sexuality or gender. In short, the people in the demonstration are great!

But from the organisation side? It's almost like the A doesn't exist! Stage discussions? Nope, at most they name asexual when they go through the list of labels. Info material? I saw one flyer about grey asexuality. Stickers? Yeah, okay, those exist in the mix, but mostly ace.

On the other hand you see lesbian and gay, trans and bi everywhere. I love penis/I love vagina, love is love, love who you want, etc. Great to see that political parties don't look past the LGBT. Nice that discussions include non-binary people as an afterthought.

When talking about love all the time, is it too much to ask to mention there are different kinds of love? That love doesn't have to be romantic to be valid? That it can be whatever you want it to be? Mention the split attraction model in info material? Have info material about aromanticism at all? Some parties actually have an aromantic sticker, but those are even rarer than ace ones.

This year there's a lot of talk about legally changing your gender, because they finally changed the law in Germany to make it a lot easier. The stage discussions are all about how it used to be and how much easier it is now. I'm not sure if I heard mention of non-binary and intersex people in this regard. If, then it wasn't much. Would've been nice to hear them mention that "diverse" is an option for your legal gender, or that you can have it removed all together. And why and for whom that is important. Especially since some federal states banned gender sensitive language from schools and government places, to "protect the German language". (They criticised that and it's a whole different rant.) Come on, gender isn't a binary, some people exist somewhere in the middle, or outside of it, or don't have a gender at all. That's not new information and queer organisations like Pride should be well aware of that and speak about it! But I guess that topic is too risky and too uncomfortable for a stage in a public place.

TL,DR Pride is great, but as an aroace agender person I often feel excluded and unseen at least to some extent.

All that said, I have to end on something positive: my favourite Pride so far - CSD Göttingen 2023.

Organised by the community, for the community. No political parties were present, because they were not invited and not welcome. Instead we had queer organisations talking on stage and manning booths. Including the local asexual and aromantic network.

There were banners along the demonstration route, saying love is love. They were put up by the city, independently, without asking the organisers if those banners were wanted. They were not. (The organisers said that.)

Out of 15 Prides I went to so far, this one was the one where I felt most at home. Unfortunately it's quite far from where I live and this year it shares a date with another Pride I want to attend, so I can't go there again. Hopefully next year. And hopefully they can keep going like this. Independent from politicians.

[theaceandaroadvocacyproject]

Hello everyone! We wanted to do a piece talking about the intersectionality of disabled and aspec identities and experiences - does this ring true to your experiences? What did we miss? Info on the images are written out below and included in alt text.

[Text reads: July is Disability Pride Month. Let's discuss Disability and Aspec Identity. While individuals may be both aspec and disabled, the two groups also have many similarities outside of people who exist in both. Ableism and aphobia, while both robust issues on their own, have intersecting pain points. Ace and aro people may be accused of being "sick" or "unnatural", and in need of a cure. Simple existence is conflated with suffering, and some people may be more invested in "fixing" aspec people rather than accepting them.

The idealized future - long life, independent living, marriage, children, etc - does not necessarily leave room for people in these groups. Disabled and aspec people can definitely have wonderful futures, without adhering to ableist and amatonormative notions of what a future should look like. Both groups are frequently treated as an afterthought in the realms of legislation/political advocacy and community care*. *A great time to remind y'all that we are still in a pandemic. Wear a mask.

People who are both disabled and aspec may deal with the added stress of stereotype threat*. Stereotype threat is the anxiety and stress that comes from possibly confirming a negative stereotype about the demographic one is apart of. Stereotype threat may arise due to the stereotype that disabled people are not suitable for romantic and/or sexual relationships, or due to the stereotype that asexuality and aromanticism are signs of illness or dysfunction. *Stereotype threat can occur to people of any minority demographic - age, race, gender, orientation, etc.]

[spif-lol]

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week

Happy aromantic spectrum awareness week!!!! I am becoming more aware of the lack of awareness of aromanticism, and that sucks.

But I know so many aro people and I have hope that we can see things change. I guess we'll see.

My Treatise: [Images Described}

As an aroace (flux) person who has only in the past couple of years recognised that the aro part of my identity is more relevant than the ace of it all, I feel compelled to write something regarding the aro community, and the nature of aromanticism. I want to make it clear that I in no way feel that I am representative of the entire community, and should not be taken as such. I hope that what I have to say can have some value.

A Basic Overview: Aromantic? What’s that?

So aromanticism refers to a lack of romantic attraction. It is a minority identity, and many people - straight and queer - do not even know it exists, or if they do, only understand it within the context of asexuality.

One of the big reasons for this is that wider society only thinks of orientation through the lens of sexuality, as the large majority of people experience sexual and romantic attraction as one singular orientation.

This is one of many reasons that pretty much all aromantic representation in media is aroace.

The Split Attraction Model has become very useful for aro and ace people, describing how our orientations aren’t inherently connected as most expect them to be.

The Frustration of It All and Amatonormativity

I am writing this in part because of the anger I have witnessed witnessed the aromantic and particular aroallo community over the last year or so, and a vehement desire to not be constantly associated with the asexual community.

I found this stance confronting at first, feeling that the communities have so much in common and to be gained in solidarity with each other (and of course, many asexual people ARE aromantic), but have gained a greater understanding of this frustration as I’ve ventured further into the aromantic community.

It is common to see aroace people centre their asexuality over their aromanticism in online spaces, likely due to not finding the split attraction model helpful for themselves and combining their aromanticism and asexuality into one orientation, which is totally fine. The problem then comes when alloromantic asexual people or other allo people become seemingly incapable to recognise aromanticism as distinct from asexuality, and it only becomes included as an afterthought.

I’ve realised that it is more common for asexual people to lead amatonormative lives - have committed romantic partners, children, shared property - and this makes thriving in our couple centric culture easier than for most aromantic people - whether unpartnered or in non-normative relationships. This does not mean that asexual people do not experience discrimination, and many asexual people express similar frustrations with the valuing of romantic relationships over all others as well.

Space for AroAllo Voices

There is a somewhat famous inflammatory poll that circulated tumblr at the height of this discussion.

[Image ID: Screenshot of tumblr poll asking the question 'Are cishet aro men lgbt' with the response options being 'Yes', 'No' and 'I don't want to be involved']

This targeted question ‘Are Cishet aromantic men lgbt?’ highlighted the discrimination and dismissal that aromantic people experience - especially in the context of sex.

Aromantic allosexual people are often viewed as inherently predatory for desiring sexual relationships with an absence of romance. Sex is a complicated topic in the queer community (and just in general) with so much stigma associated with it, and in a lot of ways there’s a tendency to uphold puritanical ideas that sex is inherently disgusting and immoral and it can only be made moral in the context of romance. Obviously not helpful for aroallo people (or anyone really).

The framing of this question specifically about cishet men reinforces the fucking stupid fear of predatory men trying to infiltrate the queer community for sexual gratification, though aroallo people of any gender are affected by this stigma. Aroallo people are often dismissed as ‘not oppressed’ or that aromanticism isn’t a big deal, due to people not understanding amatonormativity, or just being bigoted.

Romance is a more nebulous or distinct concept than sex, but much like how asexual people do sometimes engage in sexual activity in spite of their lack of sexual attraction, aromantic people can and do engage in romantic gestures and relationships in spite of their lack of romantic attraction.

However, that should not be expected from anyone. An aromantic person is allowed to not like romance, to be repelled by it, to not want to be around it. It also doesn’t erase somebody’s aromanticism to engage in romance in any form - an ongoing problem with depictions of relationships in media involving an aro and/or ace person is that people don’t seem to understand that an aro or ace person in a relationship will have their relationship informed by their sexual or romantic orientation.

There’s going to be conflicting needs in any space, and the broader queer community is so large that solidarity and organising en masse involves swathes of people who are very different. This is true of the broader aromantic and asexual community.

Representation and support for asexual people is by no means abundant, but the unique perspectives of aromantic people and issues affecting the aromantic community need to be considered and taken seriously.

It’s important for discussion about aromanticism to be able to be had without lumping in asexuality with it. And aromantic people are allowed to be bitter when that doesn’t happen.

Queer Community in Sydney

One of the reasons these issues have been on my mind is because in the past year I have been looking into IRL queer community in Western Sydney/Sydney in general. I’ve been pretty lucky to have a few friends in my life who are somewhere on the aro and/or ace spectrum but community support and activism is important to me as well.

When I looked online for aromantic community in Sydney, I was a bit disheartened to find only combination asexual and aromantic communities that had specific information about asexuality, reports, blogs, etc.; but little to nothing about aromanticism besides a definition.

I have hope that things will get better, even if we have to build it from scratch. In writing this treatise I looked into community in Sydney again and was encouraged to find that the Ace and Aro Collective of Australia is actively seeking aromantic allosexual members for their Board of Directors. Makes me feel like aroallos, and aromantic people in general, are being listened to.

Which is the point of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, after all. I’d love to run events for the Aromantic community myself, and see others occurring near me. Thinking bigger, I’d love to see amatonormativity being challenged, and relationship hierarchies becoming a thing of the past, valuing of friendships, queerplatonic relationships, alterous attraction, purely sexual relationships, polyamory and people who opt out of any form of relationship as well. Requires a little bit of societal restructuring but I believe in the power of community grassroots movements. And of pure spite.

[qoldenskies]

i was too much of a coward to say it but you are absolutely correct in this assessment

i tend to see very unnuanced interpretations of aro/ace donnie, as is the case for a lot of aro headcanons towards low empathy or autistic characters in fandom, which is deeply disappointing. i see a lot of people do this and combine it with this odd attempt to strip donnie of his sentimentality and make him a lot meaner than he actually is, which is usually just like ableism let's not pull our punches

from what ive seen, for a lot of autistic aro/ace people, their autism factors so heavily into their relationship with their sexuality, but usually when people slap this label onto donnie its not to actually do anything interesting with that or to explore how the way he is (being a very sentimental person who seems to have interest in romance/open attraction to women, being the only one of the four who expresses interest in romantic attraction in the show) interacts with his sexuality, it's just to make him the unemotional straight man who rolls his eyes and disapproves of his brothers' allo nonsense, which even aside from everything else disregards the fact that donnie is not that kind of person sexuality aside, even if he jokes about being that way. it genuinely just feels like stereotyping.

saying this as a lover of aro/ace donnie, i think its funny that there's actually a lot of evidence that donnie is hilariously allo and leo is, by contrast, relatively romance repulsed. we should break the mold a little, may i present a dynamic where donnie is the one hilariously down bad for someone and leo's doing the "oh my god are the allos okay" straight manning in the corner

[onesingularbraincell]

hellaur and welcome <33

i havent found myself yet. i dont know who i am, or who i want to be. im still looking. (look with me?)

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

asks and messages are always open!! i volunteer as That Random Person to rant to about anything at all, happy or sad, complicated or simple. just come find me and i'll be here for ya

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

hi guys uh.. my name is lemon and this is my little corner of the internet!! grab a cushion and a drink to settle down, or pass through and get to wherever youre headed (if there is a destination in mind at all).

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

✧ sixteen

✧ ace

✧ aro-spec (im figuring things out)

✧ isfp if you believe in these things

✧ love language: physical touch

✧ languages: english and mandarin chinese if i try really really hard

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currently infatuated with:

✦ tgcf

✦ mdzs

✦ woh

✦ marauders

✦ skz

✦ f1

✦ marvel (but bucky barnes in particular)

✦ musicals (hamilton, six)

✦ c-dramas (ding yuxi ily)

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hobbies include:

✧ looking at pictures of sharks

✧ finding pretty words in a pretty order

✧ blasting music in headphones and staring into space

✧ daydreaming about love

✧ watching sunsets

✧ looking at the stars and thinking

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what you'll find here:

✦ posts and reblogs surrounding my infatuations

✦ random thoughts that i would like to shout into an abyss (not available) so i write them down instead

✦ a friend (me)

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the vibes i (aspire to) bring to the function:

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➸ desperately trying to replicate the aesthetic tumblr pins saved to my pinterest boards but the fanarts and fan snippets are calling my name

➸ i swing wildly between being silly and drowning in emotions

➸ often on here when im supposed to be asleep but life is full of disappointments (im life)

➸ if given the chance i will make picrew and random uquiz results my entire personality

➸ always secretly panicking about not having my life planned out

➸ tea >>> coffee

➸ partially made of song lyrics i think

➸ scared of the unknown (but really, who isn't?)

➸ cant tag properly oops

➸ known for: filling my head with so many thoughts they overflow (as words or tears dependent on mood, time and the weather)

➸ scribbled down as an afterthought at 1:27am

➸ i can be funny i promise

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♫ now playing: corduary dreams by Rex Orange Country

♫ [ spotify link: here ]

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rules:

✧ please be nice

✧ no yelling angrily at each other (or at me)

✧ okay thats it have fun

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current projects:

✦ GCSEs (help)

✦ journaling/scrapbooking

✦ reading more (book recs? fic recs? send them my way!!)

✦ greek/roman mythology

✦ learning morse code (.. .-../---/...-/. -.--/---/..-)

✦ constellations

✦ redecoration of my online spaces (starting with this here!!)

✦ learning (acoustic) guitar

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stay as long as you like, im not going anywhere <3

[mathematical-cheese]

Bro...aroaces are literally the most represented everywhere. And you're still complaining. Go ask aroallos and aceallos about being recognised lol

The post wasn't even about representation, it's about the fact that even in aspec spaces there is a tendency to leave out the aro part of aroace and just viewing those people as asexual where being aro is an afterthought. Do you not see how that is also harmful for both aroallos and alloaces?

In the case of aroallos it's the fact that they're forgotten about because they aren't asexual and therefore their identity isn't even at the forefront of most people's minds when discussing aspec stuff. Their aroness is erased because it is not accompanied by asexuality.

In the case of alloaces there is the underlying assumption that romantic attraction isn't felt because there is still the assumption that aroace and asexual are the same thing. The fact they do feel romantic attraction is erased by the fact they're asexual.

The underlying issue here is that there isn't a great understanding of how different attractions interact with each other and the different labels we have to describe different experiences, even within the aspec community.

I made the post because an irl aspec group that I'm in were talking about the aroace character in the new series of Heartstopper and almost all of them referred to him as asexual. I have not watched Heartstopper (romance stuff doesn't interest me) but I was informed that there's actually a stronger focus on romantic attraction, i.e. the aro part in his aroace identity. As well as a consistent feeling that my aroness was erased when I identified as aroace and is ultimately one of the reasons I dropped the ace part of the label.

[uselessvaldemarsimp]

"less-cannon-accurate" annnnd there it is, thanks for letting us know that the author of that "route" treats Valdemar being aroace just as an inconvenient little detail to be discarded. what a shame

DISCLAIMER: i am not aroace! this is simply my opinion, take what i say with a grain of salt

here’s what i have to say:

is valdemar good aroace representation in the first place?

i dont think so! their orientation was announced in a, correct me if im wrong, comment section of an instagram post, and no where else! the fact that they and vulgora, villains, are the only nonbinary characters that use they/them exclusively, and the fact that valdemar, again, a villain, is the only aroace character in the entire game, is simply overall bad representation! a villain being aroace isn’t inherently bad representation, but all other things considered in this specific situation, the creators seem to view aroace people as inhumane freaks! yikes!

is this an excuse to erase said gender and sexuality?

not really, no!

is the valdemar dorian route by ronelle otieno good aroace representation despite this?

i think so! it’s done very well in my opinion, being an integral part of their character, not explicitly stated but shown through their actions and storytelling, it honestly makes valdemar seem a little more human, the way that their orientation is shown. i think ronelle otieno took something that was a poorly done afterthought and made it into good representation

can aroace people partake in sex and romance?

yes! this is a pretty obvious fact that most people are aware of by now

since that’s the case, is the inclusion of sex and/or romance when engaging with an aroace character an erasure of their sexuality?

not inherently! again, aroace people Can partake in these things, despite what some people may think!

HOWEVER, is deviating from canon with an aroace character who has been explicitly stated to not have an interest in sex and romance an erasure of their sexuality?

honestly, this is where things get tricky, but i think i have a way of thinking about it:

do actions = attraction?

i dont think so! i think people can kiss whoever they want, have sex with whoever they want, give flowers to whoever they want, without it being a direct show of their orientation. therefore, while it may be deviating from canon, it isn’t an inherent erasure of the characters sexuality. an erasure of aroace sexuality would be having that character specifically show or state that they are romantically and/or sexually attracted to someone. that’s where we begin having issues! if you have a problem with deviating from canon, that’s an entirely different thing, and i suggest you never interact with fandoms ever! for your own sanity.

people swap the sexualities of characters all the time, why is it such an issue when people do it with aroace characters, or queer characters in general?

lack of representation! if all these different flavors of queer were normalized, as they should be, people wouldn’t have so much of an issue with playing around with characters sexualities, but because representation is spare, people cling onto these aspects of these characters for dear life, even if the representation isn’t good representation

so what should people be fighting for?

more representation! instead of hanging onto characters who’s orientation is already a badly done, arguably acephobic afterthought, maybe the best course of action is to make an effort to create more aro and/or ace representation in general!

at the end of the day, is this all that big of a deal?

not really! you are the the captain of your own ship. you can choose to interact with things, or dont! wasting energy arguing over something that wont change is not worth your precious time. using that energy to create and promote Good representation is probably a better use of ones energy.

i highly encourage aroace people, especially those who have read the dorian route, to share their opinions. i dont intend to speak For or Over aroace people, im just a stranger on the internet who has thought a lot about things that dont really matter a whole lot in the grand scheme of things