#and none of this takes away from the fact that they are a genuinely healthy and loving couple either. multiple things can be true at once

[cringefailvox]

episode six's vaggie-as-an-angel reveal actually clarifies a lot of things about her dynamic with charlie that i previously found uninteresting or underutilized. it's clear that she has some kind of loyalty/utility complex founded on her low self-esteem, which absolutely makes sense if she used to be an exorcist. she comes from a place where blind obedience is key, and a single act of mercy got her cast out and brutalized—of course she would latch onto the first person who showed her kindness and love. of course it makes sense that she would become fixated on the idea of "repenting" for her past violence against charlie's home by devoting herself to protecting charlie's dreams. their relationship wasn't very compelling to me before but this adds so many delicious dimensions to it; if charlie was the one who found vaggie and took her in, who earned her trust and fell in love with her, then of course vaggie would see charlie as the center of her universe, and would see failing charlie as a reflection of her own worthlessness. and it would never occur to her to tell charlie the truth once she found out how charlie feels about angels, because she loves charlie too much to risk earning her hatred or scorn (even though i don't believe charlie could ever hate her).

[pvrkacciosan]

Red Jacket

A/n: this is the official first F1 fic I'm writing, sooooooooooooo, also unedited so if there is any mistakes its because I haven't actually corrected them lol

Synopsis: A simple one of where Charles gets jealous when he sees his girl in any colour other than Ferrari Red after they fight.

Pairing: Charles Leclerc X Fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, slightly possessive Charles, tension between drivers

Word Count: 1.8K

You loved your boyfriend, you really did.

But over the past couple of days, You and Charles had really hit a rough patch, which was natural in any healthy relationship, but it still hurt none the less.

He wasn't just your boyfriend, he was your best friend, and you knew that no matter what happened you could and would always trust him with anything,

But even that fact didn't stop you from currently wanting to yell at him right now.

You could understand and appreciate the line of work he was in, especially with an upcoming triple header of races. Charles was stressed, and you trying to be supportive only seemed to get on his already shorter nerves.

Perhaps you had overstepped, but you might also be too stubborn to back down.

"I'm not going to apologise for making sure my boyfriend is taking care of himself Charles!" - You simply had tried to make him drink some water, Water!

"I can take care of myself Y/n, I don't need you to babysit me"

He turned away from you, his shoulders and back rigid, the muscles in his back squared out in his anger.

"Well I clearly fucking need to Charles, You're not taking care of yourself1 Perhaps I should hire a babysitter, Because I ain't putting up with this shit"

He had emptied out is pockets, dumping his phone onto the table in his drivers room, Even as you watched him, his back still you, It wasn't difficult to here the recognisable mutter of him swearing in french under his breathe.

It wasn't a language you spoke but swearing was universal, reaching for the door, Charles looked over his shoulder at you, barely turning enough to even look at you properly,

"Don't put up with it then" his voice was low and in any other situation you might have welcomed the heat that spread between your legs, but not right now,

The words struck you, upside the head as though a brick had been chucked at you.

"Fine. I won't"

Grabbing the handle you ripped the door wide, storming out, you slammed it so hard behind you that it didn't shut, instead the door rattles against its frame, swinging back over.

Charles wouldn't follow you out like this, not where there was the potential for camera's to catch you too fighting like this, whether that would matter right now or not, you weren't sure.

The staff all dressed in red parted for you as you walked, You missed Carlos as he attempted to ask you what was wrong, upon peering at your expression,

You didn't stop, Even through your haze you could hear him as he ran after you, gently grabbing your elbow he pulled you to a stop,

"Y/n, what is the matter?" there was genuine concern across the face of your boyfriends team mate, he examined your expression before looking back in the direction of Charles driving room,

"Nothing Carlos, it's fine" you quickly wiped away at the tear that rolled down your cheek, you didn't want to believe that Charles might have meant when he said for you to not, deal with this anymore, What had it meant in regards to the two of you.

It wasn't something you wanted to tread over, so when you pulled away from Carlos lightly, he didn't stop you,

"Keep an eye on him for me, Yeah?" He nodded, and then you were moving once more.

Leaving the Ferrari bay, you mindlessly weaved through the crowd of fans, reporters and staff milling about, trying to find an open space were you could simply take a second to rejig your thoughts.

The crowd which seemed never ending streamed on and on,

"Fuck sake." the curse left your lips as you smacked straight into someone, by accident.

A pair of hand extended out to steady you when you stumbled back from the impact,

"Easy there Y/n" when you recognised the familiar voice, some of the tension eased from you.

"Max..." you breathed,

His hands still one your shoulders, he peaked down at you in concern, You had known Charles for years, which by default you had also gotten to know the dutchman, despite everything, Max had always been good to you and had never given you any reason to be anything but friendly around him.

In the past, When you and Charles got together, he feared Max might steal you from him, but Max knew where the line was with you, and had never once tried to cross it.

Perhaps it was because of your friendship, that made it so easy for you to explain things to him. It was not your intention to cry in front of him, but as you spoke you couldn't stop the small whimper and quiver in your voice.

"I yelled at Charles."

You watched as Max's expression quickly turned to one of undertsnaind, and when he cast hs gaze back up to the surrounding people, with phones. He quickly pulled off his jacket, handing it to you.

You hesitated before slipping it on, he began to guide you around the crowd and through a set of doors, it wasn't until you saw all the mechanics that you realised you were inside the Red bull garage.

You stopped dead in your tracks, it felt weirdly wrong being in another teams garage. Max waited for you, and din't move you on until you looked a little more comfortable,

He sat you in the corner, his jacket still wrapped around you body,

"I've got to start getting ready for this race, Here's a headset, you can listen in to the radios, we can talk after okay?" he patted the top of your knee lightly, nodding you watch him grab you a set of headphones, before he darted off to start getting ready for the race.

It felt more then weird to be here instead, you would usually be sitting with Charles while he got ready, saying that your presence helped to keep him level headed beforehand, you couldn't deny that not being with him put you slightly on edge, almost like you couldn't quite get grips on what was going on around you.

But before you knew it, Max came back through, dressed and ready to drive. Out of respect you moved away while he had a briefing with his team, he came to grab you right before he began climbing into his car.

Wrapping your arms around yourself, you stood to watch the screen in the garage, feeling the anticipation as the drivers began moving out for the formation lap. Your eyes going straight to the red number 16 car.

As the lights finally went out and the race began, your heart hammered hard in your chest watching as the drivers did what they did best. Race.

☽ - Charles - ☾

It wasn't the pole position, but it was a podium, A win for the team.

Charles should be happy, but without you there ready to congratulate him, it almost felt as though he had crossed at the back of the race.

Removing the steering wheel, and climbing out standing on the halo He waved to the cameras, spotting himself appear on the big screen for the fans in the surrounding stand to watch in HD.

As he unclasped his helmet, his attention snagged back onto the screen, Max, had got the pole position, so it wasn't a surprise when the screen switched to show the inside of the garage, where members of the Red bull team were celebrating, what did surprise him though, was spotting your all too familiar figure there amongst the other team.

Something about the notion made his blood boil, you looked slightly uncomfortable, but what tipped everything over was the jacket you wore, Hugging it too yourself in some version of comfort, and Charles knew exactly who it belonged too.

☽ - Y/n - ☾

You had emerged onto the throng of people moving about, trying to get a glimpse of the drivers who were taking in the feeling of their wins.

Getting closer to the barrier you spotted the red suit, just as he began storming toward the leading driver,

Those around you also seemed to tune in, as Charles body language wasn't exactly one of model sportsman's ship.

He moved towards the Red bull driver, being faster you managed to find Fred, who convinced the security to pull you past the barrier.

Charles was gripping the underside of Max's helmet by the time you approached them, the poor dutchman hadn't even had a full explanation or even time to unattached his helmet.

You were too far away to hear what Charles was saying, which wasn't a bad thing as perhaps the camera might not hear it as well, as you don't think it was the nicest thing when Max roughly jerked his head away from Charles, using both hands to roughly push Charles away from himself.

There was members of staff between them faster then you could comprehend, pulling the two drivers apart.

Choosing in that second was more difficult then it should have been, moving towards Charles, you approached carefully, he met your stare and it seemed to harden as it snagged on the jacket, Max's jacket, still around your body.

The security stayed near but back off as Charles approached you, he didn't seem to heed the camera as he stopped inches fro you,

"Take it off. Now."

You jutted your chin up, "Don't think your exactly in the position to give commands,"

"Y/n.."

"Still need babysitting?" you didn't hide the veiled sarcasm in you voice didn't want to when reminded of the argument.

There was a pleading in his eyes when he looked back to you,

"Ma chérie" he bowed his head, reaching gently to take one of your hands, "I'm sorry, truly," he cut his words short, when you leaned up to kiss him.

You couldn't really stay too mad, not when he had just gotten a podium. The fact he didn't ignore you, was good enough, when you two had argued before it never really lasted too long, having history made it easy to read one another. Provided there was communication.

He rested his forehead to yours, "Take it off."

You pulled back, looking to him now in slight confusion. Charles gave the back of Max's jacket a gently tug,

"You're a Ferrari girl, red is your colour. Forever and always."

Without breaking the eye contact you now had going, no doubt the rolling cameras of fans and reporter were catching ever second of this, you peeled the sleeves of the jacket off behind your back, and when you finally turned around to walk to Max with it.

Charles took it from you, you watched him push it into the other drivers chest, grabbing a Ferrari jackets from Fred, he walked back to your side holding it to you,

"Here." his word left little room for discussion.

Once you had it one, Charles couldn't help but look you up and down, giving a quick nod of approval he left a quick kiss to your forehead before he rushed off to catch up with the other drivers,

You watched on, All throughout the after race ceremonies, Charles continued to watch you, admiring you in the jacket, his jacket.

Hugging you arms around yourself you snuggled into its warmth,

the Red one fit you better anyways.

[adickaboutspoons]

Happy sexual Sunday. In honor of Rhys announcing his upcoming substack by pointing at hand-written bulletpoints on a chalkboard with a screwdriver, I want to share the OnlyFans Stede idea that has been in my plot bunny pen for ages, but prolly isn't going to go anywhere. Stede's OF account was set up for him by Lucius, and is completely neutral content of him demonstrating basic auto maintenance and, like, how to tie a fishing lure, and a bunch of other Dad things, and he's completely oblivious to how unintentionally suggestive he's being. Like, he's filming himself working in the garden when it's super hot out, makes a "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" dad joke, strips off his shirt and uses it to mop his brow. He's on his hands and knees, pulling up weeds, and when he manages to pull up a particularly stubborn one, roots and all, kind-of-whispery/grunting-to-himself, "Aww, yeah. That's what you want, baby." Then he sits back and takes a deep drink from his water bottle, and accidentally holds it near his crotch while encouraging his watchers to stay hydrated. Ed is one of his subscribers and finds the whole thing just brain-meltingly hot. Eventually, they accidentally meet IRL, and Ed is trying to be SO COOL and not let it be known that he knows this guy and where from. And then they keep running into one another (by total coincidence - Ed hasn't become a convert to going to the farmer's market instead of just picking shit up from the grocery store on the off (likely) chance of running into Stede while he's there. Not at ALL.), and start becoming friendly. It's during one of these meetings Ed accidentally slips that he's a subscriber. He's mortified. For a moment he thinks Stede is going to get all weirded out. But Stede is just like "Oh! You like the feed? Why didn't you say so?! Always glad to meet my Only Fan!" (Stede has a v. healthy subscribership, but he thinks making the Only Fan joke is Hilarious) Stede asks for his username, and when he tells him, Stede is all "Oh! I know YOU! I can't tell you how much your feedback means to me. Always leaves me feeling all glowy for days!" Ed is all blushy and stammery and, "Uh... yeah, man. Me too." He offers Ed a hug, and Ed is internally combusting. Stede is all "If you've got any ideas for the feed, I'm always open to suggestions. Is there anything you'd like to see me doing?" There are MANY things Ed would like to see him doing. None of which are appropriate to give voice to in a crowded open-air market. Eventually eventually, after many instances where Ed is going crazy trying to figure out if it's a date or just a hang, there would be a v. thorough railing wherein Stede whispers all the tender, affirmational things Ed could ever have wished to hear. So! here's the only bit of it I've actually bothered to write:

The man on the screen smeared a little grease around the tight little hole, then inserted the cylinder into the gap in one smooth, gratifying motion. "There we are," he said, his voice a low, self-satisfied hum, "A nice, tight fit. And doesn't it feel good to do it yourself?"

Ed's breathing picked up pace a little.

"And that's how you replace a spark plug. Nothing shocking about it." He smiled a charming, little shit-eating grin and winked at the camera.

Ed's breath caught in his throat.

"So that's it for this one! Thanks, as always to my subscribers, and a special tip of the hat to this week's new friends," he looked away from the camera and put on a pair of gold wire-rimmed glasses. Ed swooned a little as he read out the names from an actual printed page.

At the end of it, he took off the glasses and looked directly into the camera again, his eyes soft and his smile genuine and kind. "Thank you for sharing this time with me. Lots of love!"

There was nothing explicitly sexual about the CapriSun_Erotica OnlyFans page. In fact, the most shocking thing about it was how roundly wholesome the content was. Just a man and his phone camera and a world of practical advice and dad jokes. An intensely hot man in the tiniest shorts or tightest jeans Ed had ever seen, who seemed allergic to doing up the top three buttons on his shirts, and that radiated so much DILF energy Ed was a little astonished the videos didn't just melt his phone screen. It was the most intensely arousing thing Ed had ever seen.

He eased himself out of his boxers and hit the replay button.

When he had cleaned himself up, he tapped out a quick reply. "Hey DaddyStede, great vid as usual. Really got my motor running. 😘"

[sunnyhvnny]

Daemon / Maegor / Aemond

The wife start to love them after the birth of their first child. She stop to try run away and actually start to look at them with warm

Enjoy! ❤️

Tw: none!

Maegor Targaryen

Like most of Maegor’s wives, she was no different in the fact that she had no choice in marrying him. She remembers vividly, as does everyone else in the Keep probably, the night before she was to wed the King. When she climbed out of her window and made it halfway down the stone wall before she was caught.

Everyone knew of Maegor’s cruel and fearsome reputation. She hadn’t known what to expect but it wasn’t anything good. He ignored her most of the time until she began to swell with his child. After that, she couldn’t get rid of him.

The time he spent with her wasn’t just about the babe growing inside of her but about them. He’d take her on strolls throughout the gardens and show her what he did as the King when he wasn’t on his dragon. She, heavy with child, had even sat in on a few small council meetings.

At some point, sharing their time turned into sharing their fears and past and that was when she learned about his fear that this child that she held within her might come out monstrous and she wouldn’t survive the birth. She, in turn, told him that she feared the same. She had heard through the grapevine of what had happened to his previous wives and feared that she would meet her end in the same way. Whether in the birthing bed or by his sword if she birthed a babe that was something of nightmares.

He had stopped then and told her he wouldn’t be the reason for her demise. He would have everyone who knew anything about babes and childbirth be there when it was her time. He held true to his word, as her labors started later that night and she was quickly surrounded by experts or women who held her as she screamed. The one thing she didn’t expect, was her husband insisting on being there.

At first, she thought it was to make sure the babe wasn’t swapped but he held her hand the entire time and whispered encouraging words to her. As the time went by and the babe came closer and closer to arriving, she started to wonder if she felt genuine affection towards him. Her mother had always told her that a woman couldn’t trust their emotions while with child so she pushed those thoughts away and only thought about bringing her child into the world.

It was the hour of the owl when things had finally calmed. The babe had come and was pink, covered in blood, and healthy. It took some time for everyone to usher themselves out and for her to be cleaned up but finally, she and her husband had their child. A little girl that Maegor insisted on calling through Daenys. He showed no signs of disappointment at the child being a girl and only held the small bundle in his arms as he gently swayed her. Occasionally, he brushed a thumb through the tufts of white hair on her head but for the most part, he watched her in wonder.

She wasn’t surprised when she felt affection while looking at her husband and newborn. She was surprised when her husband smiled at her and she felt love.

Daemon Targaryen

She hated King’s Landing and she hated her husband. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She didn’t hate her husband but she hated the fact that she had no say in marrying him. That her father told her one day that she was to marry the prince. Her husband isn’t a hard man to read. She knows he wants no part in this marriage as well. She doesn’t know if there is someone else or if he also resents the fact that he had no choice but it doesn’t stop him from doing his duties as a husband.

Since they were wed, it was clear that Daemon found her attractive despite not wanting to be her husband. Perhaps, if she were a whore he’d buy a night with her, or if he found her on her own he would have talked her into sharing a night with him but instead, they were joined together by the seven and he didn’t have to have only one night with her.

Night were all it was in the beginning. He’d come in and fill himself with the pleasures she could offer and leave after he was done. It was a tiring and boring marriage and so she decided that she would leave. She paid a servant for their clothes and made her way out of the Keep, which was easier than she expected, and proceeded to run. She had no plan on where she was running to but soon she was out of the city and on one of the hills. She had forgotten which one, perhaps Visenya’s hill?

She hadn’t slowed down in time, though, and instead of skidding to a halt she tripped over her own feet and went hurtling over the cliff. The hill was high up and she had no idea if she would survive the fall but she was saved from the thought of death when she was grabbed midair and moved into a saddle. When she opened her eyes she saw Daemon and his dragon, the blood wyrm. She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up and out of her. Perhaps it was almost dying or the fact that her husband, who always seemed indifferent to her, was her savior.

Since she was small, she knew that the fates liked playing games and so she wasn’t surprised when only two weeks after her escape and rescue, she found out she was with child. It did surprise her when Daemon started to pay more attention to her. He didn’t seem like a man who was insistent on an heir but perhaps he thought she would take off again, this time with her child.

He had all of her things moved to his chambers and every second he could he spent time with her. It probably would have made her go insane had she made any friends in King’s Landing but she hadn’t so she chose to relish in his company. He was soft with her as her belly grew and she learned that not only was he deadly but he was caring and funny, too, in a dry sort of way.

What really surprised her was that when he was gone she found that she missed him and waited for him to return to her. She realized a while ago that the feelings she held for him were more than that of companionship but she would not dare to think or voice her actual feelings.

That was until she had given birth. It was painful and her screams, she was certain, could be heard in the city below, but it was quick and both she and the babe were healthy. When Daemon finally strode in, she smiled at him and then down at their son. She had gone through several different books of Valyrian and Targaryen history to find just to right name but looking down at her little boy who looked so much like his father, she felt her heart swell. She loved her boys and wanted to give Daemon something more than a babe.

“I believe we should name him Daemion.”

Aemond Targaryen

As far as she was concerned, she believed this marriage to be a farce. Before they wed, she had nothing against her new husband and perhaps if he had simply asked for her hand she would feel less animosity towards him every time she saw him.

Aemond had tricked everyone, though, which was the only reason she was now married to the prince. Everything had happened so fast. She remembered talking with princess Helaena about the upcoming tourney, how she favored a specific knight from the Vale, and that night she had been cornered by Aemond. She remembered her heart beating so hard that she thought it would fly out of her chest but he had simply covered her mouth with his hand and placed himself between her legs.

“Will you please stop squirming? I do not plan on doing anything to you.”

His words had confused her but nearly seconds after he had situated them in a compromising position, her father had stumbled upon them. Aemond had stumbled away from her like he had been in the middle of something and she could only look at him in surprise as her father dragged her to her chambers. It was only the next day that she realized the full scope of what had happened.

Aemond had not taken her virtue but he had made it look like he had and now her father was demanding the two be married. Within a week they were wed, “just in the chance that something comes out of your youthful dalliance,” the hand had said and she could only grit her teeth. Nothing would come of it but no one would believe her.

After they were wed, Aemond acted like the husband of stories and songs. He was affectionate, kind, and someone everyone would kill to be married to. Except, whenever he asked her about her day or walked with her through the gardens she felt like hitting him.

She had started to feel trapped. He had moved his things into her chambers and he ate his meals with her, every time he wasn’t training he was by her side. Sometimes she wondered if he acted this way because he wanted all of her time to himself or if it was because he didn’t want anyone else to have any part of her.

She had tried to escape from the Red Keep, her gullible parents, and her husband. She had thought it smart to take servant's clothes and sneak through the corridors only they used. She had made it all the way out to the yard, not yet to the gates, when her husband had found her. He looked cold and upset at the same time as he escorted her back to their shared chambers. No words were spoken and she couldn’t help but think the worst.

After her husband had a servant draw her a warm bath and let her soak in it for a while, he finally spoke. “I was with the maesters when you were making your getaway attempt. They have informed me that you have not bled in more than a moons turn.”

He didn’t need to say the words. She knew what he meant. She had been so diligent about drinking moon tea every morning, as her husband had a rather large appetite when it came to her. She sighed and closed her eyes when she remembered the day of the tourney. She and Aemond had been in bed all day and had missed the tourney completely. For the short few moments that he left and ordered the servants to bring food or drinks, she had been too tired to ask for the moon tea and the next day it had completely slipped her mind.

Her husband’s hand slid below the water and caressed her still flat abdomen. “I will have guards posted at the doors and only the servants that I approve of will be coming in here from now on. If you want to leave our chambers just ask me and I will accompany you. I don’t want anything to happen to you or the babe.”

He sounded so sincere when he said it that she wondered if he knew that he was taking away her freedoms. He stuck true to his words, though. The next morning she was awoken by a servant she had never seen before bringing her and her husband’s morning meal. When she tried to leave the rooms to go to the library, the guards outside stopped her. It was only hours later when her husband returned that he accompanied her to the library.

This routine had kept up longer than she thought it would. Her husband had stuck true to his words. She thought she would grow to resent him as time passed but with him being her only form of company she began to rely heavily on him. As her belly swelled, they talked and laughed and when the life inside her caused her to have mood swings, Aemond only held her until she calmed.

It was as they were waiting for her labors to begin that she realized that she had to put away the rocky start to their marriage. He had made it look like her virtue was compromised and that she would let a prince have his way with her in any corridor but when she thought back to it, she no longer felt angry. She felt nothing towards it truly. She only thought about the loving moments they shared together in this room after they had learned about the babe quickening inside of her.

The labors and the birth were quicker than anyone had expected or planned for. The baby was in the arms of the midwife just after one of the servants ran to tell Aemond.

By the time he walked into their chambers, still sticky with sweat but not a hair out of place, from training, she was laying on their bed with a fussing bundle in her arms. The joy that she felt when her husband walked in probably would have surprised her many moons ago but now she only smiled at him and waved him over to look at their child.

It was a little girl with tufts of silver hair and mismatched eyes. One violet and one a deep blue, both of which were staring up at Aemond curiously as he gently grabbed her and held her in his arms. As she looked on at her husband and daughter she felt love spread throughout her. Love for her baby and love for her husband.

[museofthepyre]

Thinking abt Elijah and Jedidiah again, I’ve said a lot of it before, but I’m expanding here (finale spoilers btw):

I think Jeddie and Elijah were intentionally written to represent the opposing extremes of unhealthy love/ affection. It’s a symbolic parallel, they’re complete opposites in terms of attachment style… but they’re united in the fact that they’re both hurting Sydney (the subject of their feelings).

Jedidiah embodies cold, distant, withdrawn and purely behind the scenes love-

And Elijah embodies obsessive, love-bombing, all consuming and suffocating love.

Through this lens,

They both saw Sydney suffering and without consulting him (WITHOUT GIVING HIM A SAY!!!) took it upon themselves to help- but their fucked up perceptions of love lead their solutions to being… naturally… fucked up.

There’s even symbolism in the WAY they both tried to help (…had Sydney die).

Jedidiah wanted to end Sydney’s suffering. He would have Sydney die a lonely, cold, quiet death in the sterile environment of a hospital- then he’d bring him back in body, hoping that he’d return healthy again (the rose tinted memory of the old friend he loves)

Elijah wanted to end Sydney’s suffering. He would have Sydney die in a passionate roaring flame, surrounded by a crowd of feverous celebration- then he’d bring him back in spirit, hoping it’d bring him eternal peace and rest (the mirage of the deity-like figure he loves)

That is like the most blatant metaphorical representation of this whole thing imo. The mode of death represents their destructive love, and how it’s killing Sydney. Like, literally. But when it happens, they both wholeheartedly believe they’re doing this FOR Sydney, to “help” him.

AND THIS BRINGS ME TO MY OPINION ABT ELIJAHS INTENTIONS:

I’ve always interpreted Elijah as being entirely, legitimately convinced of everything he said. Like, through the lens of his own incredibly warped and distorted perception of “love”, he genuinely thought he was doing what was best for/ “helping” Sydney.

He had it in his head that he loved Sydney, none of that was a knowing lie, it was real to him— but his reality was… again, distorted.

And it’s written in a way which highlights how HORRIBLY UNHEALTHY that warped perception is. It mirrors how Jedidiah’s starkly contrasting ways are showcased as unhealthy, despite him too thinking that he was doing what was best for Sydney. Neither go excused, or sugar coated, the point being: to show how neither extreme is good.

Beyond their skewed actions,

They both wanted to resurrect a Sydney that didn’t exist. The Sydney Jedidiah wanted back had withered away,, Sydney’s sickness was more than physical, it had roots in his mind and memories. Jedidiah had left him feeling abandoned for so long that it’d take more than a simple reset to heal their rift. But he didn’t know how to do that, he didn’t know how to be close, and he was too wrapped up in his self- flagellation to actually break down the walls he’d built.

And Elijah’s version of Sydney was a total idolization. He was never self aware enough to realize he was a large contributor to Sydney’s suffering in the first place. He was too wrapped up in the thrall of his own delusions to realize how scary and confusing this all would be for Sydney. (I say delusions bc I think… they were/gen. Coming from someone who’s BPD-spawned delusions get similarly obsessive and convincing… I have a whole other tangent on this for another day)

This isn’t an Elijah apologist message btw, nor is it a Jedidiah apologist message— I just think this depth is an important part of the overall message- you can love someone and hurt them every second of it, if there’s no balance- a line between the two extremes!! I think we are seeing Jedidiah starting to find that line- he was actually listening to Sydney by the end of it all. Elijah… is still stuck in his head.

[carnivorous-parasite]

Have this tf2 thought that has been plaguing my mind today (and potential fic/ficlet idea for you to steal if you feel inclined 👀):

I adore the headcanon that medic gives all the mercs check-ups, and it gives me the idea of it being spy’s turn and medic does that one thing where doctors feel your stomach to check out your organs but surprise surprise…it tickles 🤭 and OF COURSE spy cant admit/reveal that, he’s a mature adult who is NOT ticklish 🙄 but medic is not dumb and he notices and teases spy about it 🫶

“Whats the matter? What is so funny?!” “Stop moving, im trying to make sure you are healthy, mein freund!”

Spy then promptly melts into a puddle…poor fella

Anyway god bless ticklish old men *salutes*

OHOHOHOOOO 👀👀👀👀 I LOOOVE THIS I hope my writing can do it justice o wise one

Routine checkups. Medic did them once every month. However pointless or unnecessary they felt to Spy, Medic went out of his way to ensure everybody recieved theirs, and he was no exception. 

Medic pulled him from his thoughts by rather rudely snatching the cigarette from his lips. "How many times do I have to tell you not to smoke in here? Especially not during a check-up, for gods sake." he scolded as he had countless times before. He knew Spy had no intention of listening, of course, but even still insisted on arguing his point. What was he if not persistent, after all?

Spy only rolled his eyes. It was a response he offered quite often. 

Not bothering to push it, Medic continued on with the current task- he knew just how impatient Spy tended to be.

He moved his hands to Spys stomach, lightly pressing his fingers into his skin, only to then have the Frenchman jerk rather suddenly away from the touch. 

"Are you alright?" Medic asked, quirking a brow, "Did that hurt?"

Spy, on the other hand, had never wanted to crawl into a hole and die more in his life.

"I'm- fine. Startled me, is all. Your hands are cold." he lied, trying his best to keep his tone nonchalant. He hoped and prayed his expression wouldn't give away the fact he was lying through his teeth. "..You may continue."

Spy cursed himself in his head for stumbling over his words the way he had. In quite literally any other scenario, he was an excellent liar, even when it came to making something up on the spot- it was part of his job, after all- so then why on earth was this proving so difficult for him?

But Medic wasn't born yesterday. He was insane, yes, but stupid? Absolutely not. This was far from the first time he'd elicited such a reaction from a teammate.

"Ah, I see. My apologies." Medic replied in the most innocent tone he could muster. The checkup could wait. It wasn't often he got to see Spy vulnerable like this- and, come to think of it, he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him crack a real, genuine smile.

Medic continued, though now he was much more purposefully pressing his fingers into Spy's stomach. "Hmm, you are quite tense, though. Are you certain there's nothing wrong?" 

Spy opened his mouth to reply, but whatever he'd been trying to say was cut short by an undignified squeak as the Doctor prodded at one of his sides. If Spy had to hazard a guess, he'd say his face was just about the same red as Medic's gloves right about now.

Before he had any time to process it, Medic had started kneading at both of his sides, and he couldn't for the life of him hold back the wave of giggles that came up his throat, though his hands quickly shot up to cover his mouth in some attempt to muffle the embarrassing noise. 

"My, someone is rather giggly today." Medic grinned, as if he didn't know damn well what he was doing already. "Is something funny?"

Spy had no intention of dignifying him with a reply, much less did he trust his voice at the moment. He moved one hand from his mouth to try and shove Medic off (to no avail, of course). 

"Ah-ah, none of that, Herr Spy. I need to ensure you are healthy!" Medic chided, taking both of the other man's wrists into one hand and holding his arms firmly above his head, his free hand continuing its spidering and scribbling at his sides. "Why ever are you wiggling so much, anyway? You've never given me this much trouble."

"Doctor-!" Spy managed.

Medic paused, if only to allow Spy to speak. "Ja?"

Spy took a breath, trying to compose himself as if it would recover even a shred of his dignity. "You- this- This is highly unprofessional-"

"What is?" Medic asked coyly, resuming, moving from his sides to his stomach, sending him right back into another fit of giggles. "I don't see what's unprofessional about me giving you a checkup. You're the one being fussy about it."

His hand travelled upwards. "Do try and hold still. I need to make sure you have all your ribs." 

"What- what do you mean, 'have all of'- of COURSE I do!" Spy protested indignantly.

"We can't be sure unless I check. I'm the doctor here, Spy." He scolded, running a single finger down his ribcage. "Let's see- one, two, three.." 

Spy jerked away, biting his lip and holding his breath to stifle any laughter he could trust to escape. Medic clicked his tongue. "No, you come back here, silly! You made me lose count." 

Oh my god, Spy thought to himself, he is trying to kill me.

It took 4 more tries, but eventually, against all odds, Spy was able to hold perfectly still. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to hold his giggles, but he took the small victories where he could. Finally, Medic released his arms, withdrawing his hands. 

"Hm, everything looks good! Though maybe next time I could do without the squirming. You nearly kicked me." he scolded playfully. Spy hugged himself for protection, still just barely giggling under his breath.

Medic's grin widened. "You know, I can't help but notice you didn't ask me to stop. Not even once, in fact."

Spy couldn't argue with that, as much as he wanted to.

i. got carried away writing this one

it started as a lil ficlet and soon i was hitting 1000 words ;-; 

anyway i hope this is good???????????? i love the idea so much its so canon. feedback always appreciated <333

[chelseachilly]

THIS LOVE - chapter six | i wish you would come back

pairing: ben chilwell x reader

rating: T

word count: 1.8k

summary: ben's in ibiza with his friends, and he can't stop thinking about you...he just needs a little help figuring out why

A/N: long time no see! it's been a crazy few weeks - i moved, then i got sick, then work got super busy - so i'm sorry i haven't had time to update! i'm going on a little holiday this weekend so i wanted to get this out before i did 🩵 i hope you enjoy the switch up to ben's pov ;) xx

previous chapter | view all chapters

-

Ben should be feeling like he’s on top of the world. He’s staying at a luxury villa in Ibiza with his best mates, coming off a big win and a goal for his country. He’s young, healthy, and successful. He should be enjoying life at the moment.

Instead, he just feels like shit.

He’s felt like shit from the moment you walked away from him at Wembley, declaring the end of your fake relationship. It felt like a knife to the gut when you left him standing there, unaware of what he did wrong, wanting so badly to chase after you but knowing he shouldn’t. 

He sat through an entire, agonizingly long dinner full of people celebrating and congratulating him on the goal, and all he wanted was to pull out his phone and call you to make sure you were okay. 

The next morning, Mason, Harvey, Tom and Woody practically dragged him to the airport and onto the private plane they’d booked weeks ago. It’s a rare week off for both Ben and Mason, so they wanted to make the most of it. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

In the past, a boys week in Ibiza was his idea of paradise. It meant days spent poolside catching up with the lads and relaxing before returning to his busy schedule. And the nights were usually dedicated to going to some swanky club and leaving with a hot girl.

This time, it’s been three days of their five-day holiday, and Ben hasn’t left the villa once. He’s been sulking in his bedroom half the time, and generally bringing down the mood even when he tries to force himself to have fun with the boys. 

He’s sent you a few texts to no response, and he would’ve been genuinely concerned for your safety if it weren’t for the fact that he could still see your Instagram stories - specifically one of you out drinking with some coworkers, including a good-looking guy apparently named Matt, who Ben may or may not have stalked on social media. The bastard - who Ben’s never met - may only have three photos, none of which are particularly offensive, but Ben knows for a fact he doesn’t deserve you.

The morning of the fourth day, he comes out of his room around ten looking for something to eat for breakfast, which he’s slept through every other morning so far, and is instead served with what can only be described as an intervention. 

All the guys are sat around the table, drinking coffee and staring him down as he trudges out in just his boxers - perks of a lads trip - still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

“You need to tell us what happened with you and Y/N,” Tom says firmly as soon as Ben sits down at the table and pours himself a cup of coffee.

He just groans and takes a long sip before answering. It’s way too early for this.

“I already told you, I kissed her in front of the cameras, then she got weird and ran off,” Ben repeats the exact same brief recap he gave them on the flight here. “I followed her out and she said she couldn’t pretend to date me anymore and that she needed space.”

“Yeah, we know that part,” Harvey says. “And I get that you’re disappointed she’s bailing on the PR thing-“

“I don’t give a fuck about that,” Ben interrupts, a bit dramatically clanking his mug down on the table. “Look, I’m sorry I’m bringing down the holiday vibe, but my best friend isn’t returning my calls and I’m worried about her.”

Although most of the people at this table could make a case for being Ben’s best friend, and under better circumstances would probably joke offense at his statement, there’s nothing but silence. They all know what you mean to Ben, the place that you occupy in his life and in his heart. It’s…different.

“She’s fine, mate,” Mason says softly after a minute. He’s always the calm, level-headed one in these situations, and although Ben is typically grateful for his presence, he feels white hot rage within himself right now. 

“You talked to her?”

“She texted me back yesterday and said she’s alright and she’s just taking a beat,” Mason responds, speaking carefully as if he’s afraid of saying too much. “Look, I know you feel shitty because you and Y/N got into a fight and she’s not talking to you. But have you thought about why she might have ended this thing?”

Ben runs a hand over his face. “I told you, Mase, I have no bloody idea-“

“Just think about it, Ben,” Tom chimes in. “She agreed to be your fake girlfriend, basically giving up any chance of having her own dating life during that time. Then she gets upset and bails right after you kissed her for show, in front of a bunch of people?”

Ben’s chest tightens as he realizes what his friends are implying, but he immediately shakes his head. It’s ridiculous. There’s no way you, his best friend, have feelings for him.

“No,” he says simply. “That’s not…she doesn’t…she would’ve said something.”

“Why would she?” Harvey asks, raising an eyebrow. “It’s not like you’ve told her.”

Everyone goes silent again as all eyes fall on Ben, who just nearly choked on his coffee as he processed Harvey’s words. 

“What are you-I’m not-“

“Mate, I say this because I care about you,” Harvey continues. “You need to get your head out of your arse and just admit that you’re in love with her already.”

Of course he loves you. His best friend since the age of six, his rock, his favourite person on the planet. He’s loved you since before he knew what love was.

Except he can’t be in love with you, because that kind of love ends. He’s seen it end, when his parents got divorced and when his friends have had devastating breakups. He’s seen people fall in love and fall out just as quickly. And that can’t be you and him. He can’t lose you.

“Harvey, it’s not like that,” Ben says quietly. “She’s…Y/N. She’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, but she’s always been more than that, hasn’t she?” Mason says. “I mean, the bond between you guys, it’s not like what you have with any of us, right?”

“Well, no, but-“

“When I first met you I thought you were already dating her,” Nathan admits. “I told Mase I’d never seen a guy so whipped and when he told me you weren’t together, I was shocked.”

“And you’ve hated all of her boyfriends,” Tom adds. “Even the nice ones.”

“They’ve all been dickheads,” Ben replies, though he knows that’s not entirely true.

“You two have always been more than friends,” Mason continues. “I love you, bro, but she literally took weeks off work to take care of you after you did your ACL. She moved in with you and drove you to every physio appointment until you were on your feet again. And then last year when you realized you were gonna be out for the World Cup and you felt like shit, she was the only person you would talk to. I think that’s when I knew for sure how you felt about her.”

Ben still remembers that night like it was yesterday - he was in the treatment room at Stamford Bridge, icing his leg, already knowing tomorrow’s scans would confirm what he felt the moment he landed wrong, and he was so upset about missing Qatar that he barely spoke when the coach and some of his teammates came to see him. And then he heard your voice in the hall, grilling the medical team to ensure he was receiving proper care, and he smiled for the first time since he limped off the pitch that night. 

You ran in, pushing past Mason to wrap Ben up in a tight hug and tell him everything would be okay, and despite how terrible things were at the moment, he felt so at peace in your arms.

“Mason’s right,” Tom says sincerely. “And it’s probably why none of these girls you hook up with feel right. You’ve already got your heart somewhere else.”

Ben feels his head spinning as he replays every meaningless one night stand he’s had, how something had always been missing.

He thinks about how it feels when he sees you in the stands at the Bridge, especially when you’re wearing his kit, and the way just seeing you gives him the confidence to be a better player. 

And, more importantly, how you make him a better person - how he’s constantly in awe of your career and how you help people, how it inspires him to try to do more to make the world a better place. How you’ve turned down expensive Christmas and birthday gifts from him every year and directed him to a charity worth donating to instead. 

He thinks about how you’ve stood by his side all these years, even when he was a cocky kid coming up in the Premier League and when he’s been a bit of a dick, you’ve always kept him from straying too far from himself. Through all the injuries, through every win and loss, you’ve been there. 

He thinks about how you literally agreed to this ridiculous, elaborate PR scheme just because he asked you to, sacrificing your own free time and privacy to help him out. 

Finally, he thinks about how right it’s felt pretending to be your boyfriend. It’s been almost second nature holding your hand and telling people how wonderful you are. It felt as easy as breathing to kiss you, and though he knows he shouldn’t have done it in a room full of people, he can’t bring himself to regret it. Kissing you was pretty much the best moment of his life, which means seeing you walk away from him on the verge of tears minutes later was probably the worst. 

But while he’s been beating himself up this entire holiday over the fact that he kissed you and the fact that he dragged you into this fake relationship, he now realizes that wasn’t his mistake.

The issue is that he should have done it a long time ago, and it should’ve been for real. 

“Shit,” Ben mutters under his breath. “I’m in love with Y/N.”

“Finally, he admits it!” Harvey grins, patting Ben on the back firmly. 

The rest of the boys grin and chime in with their agreement, but Ben is already rising from the table and pulling up flights on his phone.

“Where you going, mate?” Mason asks with a smug grin on his face.

“Home, I don’t want to wait until tomorrow,” Ben says with a nervous smile. “Wish me luck, boys.”

As he begins to jog back to his bedroom so he can quickly pack and get to the airport in time for the next flight, he hears Harvey call out from the kitchen.

“Don’t forget trousers!”

-

a/n: and off he goes!! sorry for the slight cliffhanger but i hope you guys liked this one, as you can imagine i'm very excited to share the next (and last, except for the epilogue) part and am already working on it!! let me know what you thought of ben's pov and any predictions for the ending! tag list: @captainwans​ @amandaaa1025 @bbygrlllllll @ncentic​@lunamelona @kathb59 @cinderellawithashoe @batmansb1tch @myheartgoesvroom @chillymountsjess @babygirlbenji @delicateearthquakellama @joyfullyswimmingface @xxenia14 @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @chilwellspulisic @maraudersmap123 @evelinapurmale @freekoalakryptonite (let me know if you would like to be added or if i missed you!)

[gabessquishytum]

When Dream and Hob first started dating, at some point the subject of children comes up. Dream says something along the lines of he likes the idea of children, and is indifferent to the number of them, so long as he had the right partner to help him raise them. Hob sighs wistfully and says he’s always wanted a large family, and half-jokes that in an ideal world six or seven kids sounds perfect to him.

In that moment Dream, who is already deeply infatuated and quite easily sees raising a family with this man, suddenly and silently promises to himself that he’ll give Hob those six or seven kids happily.

Time goes on, they get married, and when Dream thinks the time is right he throws everything into getting pregnant. And he succeeds! It takes him by surprise how much he enjoys being pregnant, and obviously he enjoys how much Hob is excited and happy.

Dream doesn’t enjoy the birth so much, and is incredibly annoyed that apparently Hob wants him to do this five or six more times??? He’ll be lucky if Dream ever lets Hob touch him again!!

Of course he calms down once the baby is finally here, he’s too busy gazing rapturously at the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. A close second is when he manages to tear his eyes away from the baby long enough to see the look of awe and joy on Hob’s face.

Even exhausted and still a little in pain, it takes everything in Dream to not immediately demand Hob to give him another baby right this instant. As it is, Dream waits the exact bare minimum amount of time for his body to recover before jumping Hob to get started on baby #2. And so on with #3 and #4 and #5…

Hob doesn’t really remember exactly what he said during that conversation about kids at the start of their relationship, he’s just increasingly thrilled and delighted as the years go by and their brood of children slowly increases. He doesn’t realize that his husband had a goal in mind until soon after they brought baby #6 home. The two were contentedly watching their children sleep when Dream turned to Hob and said “We’ve finally reached the six children you always wanted. Do you think that’s enough, or should we try for one more? I’m happy either way.” Hob suddenly remembered that conversation, started feeling incredibly emotional, and dragged his wonderful beloved husband to bed.

And that’s how baby #7 was conceived after all😁

-🪽anon

This is so pure OK 🥺 love Dream deciding that he'll do anything for Hob but also that he continues feeling the same way and wanting to do it?? Adorable.

And Hob must be both extremely pleased but also a little puzzled by the fact that Dream seems to be on a baby making schedule! He knows that Dream genuinely enjoys his pregnancies and that he seems to want a large family, but it does sometimes seem like Dream is counting up to something?? Hob privately jokes to himself that Dream is trying to make a whole football team.

Well, not quite. Enough for a 7-aside game, though! Hob is so emotional (and horny) that Dream did all of that hard work for him. He would've settled for one or two, or even none at all if Dream hadn't wanted children. But instead they have their big, loud, wonderful brood and it's all down to Dream’s love and generosity.

.....and perhaps a healthy helping of breeding and pregnancy kink from both of them. Hob has certainly been extremely appreciative of Dream throughout every single one of his pregnancies. He hasn't wanked so much since he was a teen (he's not the kind of husband to bother his pregnant partner for sex when he's napping/having a migraine/puking/nursing the last baby he popped out). They've had clandestined fucks in every single room while the kids are briefly napping, and even their non sexual intimacy has been amazing. Hob just wants to hold Dream as much as he'll allow.

He has to agree with his past self. Seven IS a good number.

[fairycosmos]

tw domestic abuse, inc*st, animal abuse (nothing too explicit, just to be safe)

hii do you have any advice for dealing with domestic abuse from family members (adult brothers)? he has threatened me in the past and tonight he did it again and spat on me, hit me, constantly alludes to wanting to rape me or working as a sex worker bc I’m currently unemployed and genuinely seems to enjoy to see me in such a low position where it to ever come to that. I have a job lined up starting next week but I still live at home, so does he btw! and yet he is so angry at me for being in the exact same position. he’s also a drug addict and drinks, a misogynistic right-winger and kind of a psychopath. he gets off on threatening me and idk what to do anymore. my dad told me I can‘t move out bc the pay isn‘t enough yet but idk what to do. I‘m also physically disabled which is why I went months without working this year but I was employed for the past four months and I have a new job soon and yet it aggravated him so much that I didn‘t work for the past two weeks, it‘s insane. like, it‘s obvious that he hates his job and is unsatisfied with his own life but he is so disgusting towards me. there‘s s lot of incest-y threats and jokes which scares me, sometimes more than the physical violence. like I just want to die every time it happens and idk what to do. I can‘t move out if my dad doesn‘t let me and I looked at women‘s houses but they‘re all full or won‘t take women like me, myb bc it‘s not severe enough. on top of that he abuses our dog, kicks him and seeks him out every night to do just that bc the dog sleeps downstairs and no one is around to witness it. my parents don‘t care. I was around to witness it tonight for the first time and he did it in front of me and when I told him to stop it he spat in my face and threatened me and I just can‘t stay here anymore. I‘m not from the uk but do you have any advice for me please? ❤️ sorry if this is worded weirdly I can‘t really concentrate right now

the way i want to beat the shit out of your brother and would given half the oppoortunity i'm so fucking serious. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. none of this is your fault. everything you’ve described is so beyond wrong, and you don’t deserve any of it. it’s so messed up that you’re being treated this way in what’s supposed to be your home. your brother’s behavior is abusive, terrifying, and just plain evil tbh and i wish there were real-life consequences for these types of men bc they never fucking learn. no wonder you feel overwhelmed and trapped—anyone would in your situation. i’m really glad you reached out because this is too much for anyone to handle on their own, and you shouldn’t have to.

what he’s doing things like spitting on you, hitting you, threatening you, making those disgusting, incestuous comments etc is beyond unacceptable and the fact that he’s also abusing your dog is just so fucking sick. people like him use power and fear to control others, and it’s clear he’s lashing out in every direction to feel some twisted sense of control. your dog is just as vulnerable as you are in this situation, and it's not fair that you both have to keep living in such a toxic environment. it’s not healthy, and it’s not okay - it pisses me off so much that anyone would deny you help because it's not "bad enough" when it sounds like an actual nightmare. you literally shouldn’t have to live like this.

i know it feels impossible to leave right now, especially with your dad saying you can’t move and your new job just starting. but i promise, there are steps you can take to get out—even if it feels really far away or impossible right now. your safety and your dog’s safety are the most important things here. if your brother becomes violent again or you feel like you’re in immediate danger, please consider calling emergency services. i know that can feel terrifying, especially if your family isn’t supportive, but emergency services or a local domestic violence hotline can step in and help. they’re trained for situations like this and you don't have to wait for it to get any "worse" to call the authorities or an ambulance if you feel unsafe.

since you’ve looked into women’s shelters and they’re full, it might help to keep calling or checking back. sometimes spots open up, or they might be able to connect you to other resources—like emergency housing, legal help, support with clothing/food/transportation, or even animal rescue organisations that can help protect your dog too. it’s worth asking if they know of any shelters or foster programs for pets from abusive households. there are groups out there that work specifically to help people and animals escape abuse, so please don't shy away from seeking that support. i know it's a lot easier said than done and none of it is as simple as just making a phone call and getting the help you need. but keep pushing forward with it bc honestly the sooner you get away from him the better tbh.

in the short term, is there anyone you can reach out to? a friend, teacher, coworker, or even someone you’re not super close with but who might be able to help if they knew what’s going on? sometimes people will surprise you when you let them know how serious things are. even if they can’t house you, just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference.

your new job starting soon is such a big step btw, and i’m so proud of you for pushing forward even with everything going on!! that takes so much strength. once you start earning, maybe you can start saving little by little to eventually get out, even if it feels slow. looking into shared housing or roommate options might help make it more affordable, and depending on where you live, there could be disability assistance programs that can help with housing or expenses. you deserve a space where you and your dog can feel safe and at peace and it's so messed up that you aren't able to feel that way in your own home rn.

and in the meantime, i know you’re doing everything you can to protect yourself, but please don’t forget to keep an eye out for your dog too. if you see him hurting your dog, maybe you can distract or call your dog to you if it’s safe to do so. when you leave, think about how to bring your dog with you or connect with an organization that can help temporarily house pets in situations like this. it breaks my heart to think of both of you stuck in this, but you’re not alone. there are people who want to help.

this is all so much to carry, and i just want to remind you to take it one step at a time. even if that step is just getting through today. if you can, try to find little ways to care for yourself—spend time with your dog, listen to music, write things down to process your feelings, whatever helps you feel a little grounded. you’ve already shown so much strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward getting out of this.

please keep reaching out, whether it’s to me, a hotline, or someone you trust. you and your dog both deserve to be safe and loved, and you’re not alone in this. you will get away from him. there is a whole life beyond him and his fucked up behaviour. i’m here for you, and i’ll help however i can. you’ve got this. one step at a time. please take care, i'm sending you so much love. x

resource / resource / resource / resource / resource / resource

international domestic abuse resources

global domestic violence resources

[enderon]

OH MY GOD OKAY SO I WORK WITH A KID WHO HAS ASD AND IS O B S E S S E D WITH TROLLS

All day every day all he wants to do is tell me about trolls and draw brozone and I got really into trolls by osmosis ESPECIALLY since I went to see trolls three just for him so anyway PLEASE tell me about trolls because I have never wanted to hug branch harder than I did in trolls three. He built the hideout

I feel like you maybe got cut off a bit, but that's okay, cause I think I know what you were gonna say, and yeah, breaks my heart too.

Gonna put this under a read more, cause it's gonna be a lot.

First things first, one of my absolute favorite things about this series is how the world looks. And I don't just mean in terms of it being a fantasy world, I mean how things literally look like felt and stuff. Someone described it as looking like an 'arts & craft' project and I agree. Heck, I am in love with the orbeez water from this last movie. What a fun touch.

On a similar note, love the character designs. Very wild and versatile, willing to do fun and funky things and break the mold. Especially with the trolls! While World Tour gave us different races of trolls, with different looks and anesthetics, Bqnd Together showed us that even trolls of the same race can look really versatile, and I love that. My favorite species design, though, has to be the vacationers. I love the holiday muppets.

Also, in terms of versatile designs. I have to mention how refreshing it is that I was able to predict that Bruce was gonna be fat as an adult, after all of the emphasis placed on his abs originally, but that his gaining weight is never brought up, not even as an insult. None of his brothers ever give him crud about it, and Poppy even still sees him as the heartthrob, even with his chunky dad bod. That's some positivity right there.

Poppy and Branch!! I can not say enough about how much I love their relationship!! They are genuinely really cute and also really healthy. I was so happy that they didn't pull the same crud so many other studios do and shoe horn in some random and unnecessary relationship drama in this film, especially after Branch's subplot in the last movie was about their relationship. They're solid in this film. The only time they have conflict is about Branch not being super open (and even then it's not a huge issue and Poppy is clearly understanding that he's not fully ready yet and is even willing to make a joke about it when he is) and Poppy's lack of understanding of the complexities of sibling relationships. Other than those two minor conflicts, they are solid. She can tell right away at the beginning that something is wrong and bothering him, he is able to manage and bring her back when she starts getting too excited and worked up, and over all they just work to better each other. Heck, even uber positive, everyone needs to be friends with everyone, Poppy stands by his side when he chooses to abandon John, Bruce, and Clay, not trying to convince him to go back and forgive and give them a second chance. She's gonna stand by him. We love a solid relationship. And I personally love that they didn't get married or even actually propose in this one, despite the teases. It's really good for kids to see representation of a healthy relationship where they don't jump into marriage and instead take their time.

Poppy's relationship with both Viva and Bridgette. The fact that even after discovering she has a literal sister in Viva, she stills considers and calls Bridgette a sister. We love girl friendship. Especially when Bridgette finds out Viva is Poppy's sister, deciding that automatically makes them besties too. We love it.

I love that, other than the very mild road block of trying to keep them at Putt Putt, Viva isn't a villain. She's deeply traumatized, but not evil. She and Poppy really do genuinely get along and love each other, and I love that so much.

And while I mention a good Sibling relationship, I must also mention the more complicated by expressing my appreciation that, despite them being shown being closwer, Branch doesn't automatically jump to help when he finds out Floyd is in trouble. While he admits to Poppy, after some pushing, that of all the brothers, Floyd would be the one he would help, this is still hesitant, and I think appropriate. Floyd still left him and never came back. The only one who ever mentions coming back is John Dory (having come back too late, after the trolls had escaped the tree). So it makes sense that, despite them being closer, Branch would still hold that resentment towards Floyd and be hesitant to help even him.

Also, I have to mention something: the way that John and Branch are weird parallels. They're the most similar, in being isolated survivalist. John is the oldest who's treatment drove everyone away. Branch is the youngest who thought his performance drove everyone away. It's so sad and poetic, I love it.

Last thing I will note for now is how much I love the trolls series for its female villains. Barb wasn't really a villain in the end and had a redeemable reason for doing what she did, but Chef and Velvet both were unapologetically selfish and awful for completely their own gain. I love that for them.

[catboyfever]

"The Love Bug" - Rabbit/Tigger Fluff

Tigger shows up at Rabbit's house sick as can be, convinced he's not got a cold but a "Love Bug" for Rabbit. Rabbit takes care of him as best he can while powering through Tigger's seemingly nonsensical ramblings. I had a lottt of fun writing this one, I'm an absolute sucker for scenarios like this. I hope you enjoy :3.

Windstorms were nothing new to the hundred acre wood. In fact, Rabbit treasured a good night inside. Alone, warm, safe from the winds. A pot of vegetable soup was simmering on the stove, he had a cup of black tea with just the perfect amount of sugar. He sat down in front of his fireplace, cup in hand, ready to unwind… when a dull knock at his door interrupted him. Rabbit sighed, set the cup of tea down on the ottoman in front of his chair. As he walked towards his door, he wondered who would be foolhardy enough to venture out in a storm like this. He opened the door and who stood in the doorway shivering like the leaves that flew off the trees? None other than Tigger. 

“Tigger! What are you doing out in a storm like this?! Are you trying to catch a cold!?” Rabbit shouted. 

Rabbit opened his mouth to start lecturing him again but stopped as he noticed something was amiss. He was still standing on his own two feet and Tigger hadn’t even tried to bounce him. In fact Tigger didn’t even reply to him at first. He took a long look at the tiger. His tail was dragging behind him on the ground, his cheeks were bright red and his eyes looked sunken in. He looked dreadful. 

“Tigger… are you alright?” Rabbit asked, softening his tone of voice. 

Tigger simply shuffled into the house. Rabbit closed the door gently behind him, leading him to the chair by the fireplace. Tigger sunk into the cushy chair, shivering even as the heat from the fire radiated onto him. 

“My word… you’re sick as a dog. Why in the world did you walk all the way over here? Shouldn’t you be resting?” Rabbit asked as he stepped away to retrieve a blanket for the poor tiger. 

“I’m n-not sick like I usually get, Ra-Ra.” Tigger finally spoke up, punctuating his sentence with a sneeze. “Yes, it’s much worse. I can see that.” Rabbit said. He spread the blanket out, neatly tucking the soft, fuzzy covers over Tigger as he warmed himself by the fire. 

“No, no you got it all wrong! I’m not sick. I got b-bit by the love bug!” Tigger proclaimed. 

Rabbit brought a hand to Tigger’s forehead and sighed. “You’re burning up, you can’t be thinking straight.” 

“I mean it! I woke up this morning feeling something dreadful… absolutely miserabible. But all I could think about was you, all afternoon. S-So that’s why I had to come see ya!” Tigger sneezed again, prompting Rabbit to set a box of tissues on his lap. 

Still unconvinced that anything Tigger said was genuine, Rabbit continued to make sure he had things in order to make Tigger comfortable. The soup was nearly done. Tigger’s timing was always impeccable one way or another. 

“So you woke up feeling ill and you thought of me. What’s that supposed to prove? You probably knew I’d be the one best suited to help nurse you back to health is all.” Rabbit said. 

Rabbit switched his stove off, ladling a healthy portion of the veggie soup into a bowl. He took a seat on the ottoman and sat facing Tigger. He kept staring at him with focus like he’d never seen before. He had a dreamy look in his eyes… Rabbit didn’t know what he could be thinking in that silly head of his. 

“Do you think you can eat on your own?” Rabbit asked. 

“Well, how am I supposed to eat if you tucked me in all snuglike?” Tigger asked. 

Rabbit rolled his eyes. Even stricken will illness Tigger couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Rabbit gingerly raised a spoon to Tigger’s mouth, feeling a smile tug at his lips as the tiger ate and purred. He could imagine the soup was doing wonders to warm him up. 

“You got real pretty eyes, Ra-Ra.” Tigger said as Rabbit drew the spoon back into the bowl. 

Rabbit shrugged. “Yes, yes. You’re going to have to play up this whole ‘love bug’ act if you want me to believe a word of it.” 

“I mean it! Usually I only get to see you looking kinda angry. You look sweeter than honey right now, doing all this for me.” 

Rabbit’s face started to mirror Tigger’s as he looked down at the bowl. 

“Oh! Look at that, empty. I better go wash this up.” Rabbit said before hastily walking back to the kitchen. 

He’s totally out of it, don’t take what he says seriously. Rabbit thought to himself. Rabbit took his sweet time, really scrubbing the bowl as clean as he possibly could. Tigger had just eaten out of it after all! He had to be sure it was extra clean so he wouldn’t get sick. That’s what he told himself as he bought more time to regain his composure. Rabbit made his way back to Tigger who was gazing into the fire, his tail swaying lazily behind him. 

“Alright, you’ve eaten. I’ll let you have the bed tonight, I’m not about to make you walk all the way home… However, if you’re going to be sleeping in my bed. I’m giving you a bath first.” Rabbit said. 

He expected shouts of protest, bargaining, even a sudden surge in energy that led Tigger to bounce right back to his house. He never expected to hear: 

“Okiedoke, Long Ears. It’s your bed after all.” 

Rabbit’s eyes snapped to Tigger and studied him. He just had that dreamy look on his face, like his mind was a mile away. A mile away and full of thoughts about… him. He shook his head. 

“Oh, I-I… I mean it! A really good scrubbing! I-It helps you get better faster, getting all the grime off of you.” Rabbit said. 

Tigger was unfazed. “Well, sure! If it’ll help me feel better.” 

Now Rabbit was truly worried. Rather he was far, far sicker than he was letting on or this… ridiculous notion of some sort of “Love Bug” was true. He couldn’t think of a world in which Tigger agreed to a bath. While Rabbit’s brain worked overtime trying to make sense of the situation Tigger was a lump on the couch, head in the clouds. Rabbit brought the washbasin into the living room and began to boil water for the bath. Once it was heated up, he poured the pots of hot water into the basin and filled the rest with cool water until a hot and steamy, but comfortable bath was filled. Once it was filled Tigger unwrapped the blankets from around himself and slowly got to his feet. A few shaky steps later, he was sinking into the tub. He let out a long, deep sigh as the hot water surrounded him. 

Rabbit approached the tub like it would explode if he walked too fast. Some part of him expected Tigger to leap out of the tub at any moment, but he only seemed to grow more lax as he stood behind him and began to scrub the tiger’s fur with a soft brush. Beneath his gentle scrubbing, he felt Tigger’s muscles relaxing. 

“You’d go and do all this for me… No wonder this ol’ love bug’s got me thinking of you.” Tigger mumbled. 

Rabbit sighed. He’d never been so close to Tigger before. Well, not like this anyway. The tiger’s body was usually a blur of motion. To see him relax like this was a rare sight. As Rabbit scrubbed Tigger’s back, he seemed to tense up just a bit as he drew closer to his tail. Rabbit decided to get back at the silly tiger by teasing him some. He set the brush aside and stroke up the length of Tigger’s tail from the base to the black tip, eliciting a shaky sigh from him. 

“C-Careful, Bunny Boy! My tail’s real sensitive ya know?” Tigger shuddered. 

“Oh I’m just trying to get it clean! You dragged it on the ground the whole way over here.” Rabbit said. 

He let his fingers run over the length of his tail one last time before he let Tigger have some reprieve. He was still sick after all, so he shouldn't push him so much. 

Finally, Rabbit poured water over Tigger, rinsing off the bubbles. Tigger stood from the tub and Rabbit gently worked a towel into his damp fur until it was reasonably dry. While Rabbit rubbed the soft, warm towel over him, Tigger purred like a motorboat. With Tigger fed and clean, it was time to get him the rest he needed. Rabbit led Tigger to his bed. 

“Well, there it is. I’ll be on the chair by the fireplace so don’t hesitate to yell if you need something.” Rabbit said. 

Tigger slinked into the bed, sliding under the soft comforter and making himself comfy with one of Rabbit’s feather pillows. Rabbit turned to leave when Tigger suddenly called out. 

“Wait!” Rabbit turned to face Tigger, raising his eyebrows. 

“Can you… I mean… You’re not just gonna leave me alone, are ya?” Tigger asked. 

“Tigger, you’re sick. If I spend the night here with you I’m certain to fall ill tomorrow.” Rabbit crossed his arms. 

“Oh c’mon, Bunny Boy. Please? I can’t sleep without you around.” Tigger pleaded. 

Rabbit stared at him. He knew if he got into that bed and lay with Tigger, he’d certainly get sick. He knew he should just ignore his pleas, go back to his chair and tomorrow Tigger would wake up with his senses about him. Yes, he should have just went back to his chair. 

“...Fine.” Rabbit mumbled. 

If Tigger was in good health he would’ve bounced right through the ceiling. Instead though, he saved what little strength he had left to cling to Rabbit the moment he slipped beneath the covers to join him. Rabbit sighed as he settled into the embrace. Tigger was holding onto him for dear life, like he was worried if he wasn’t hanging on, Rabbit would disappear. His body was like a radiator, warming the blanket and Rabbit himself as he lay there. Tigger was purring so hard it actually sent tiny vibrations through Rabbit’s body. He fell asleep quickly, almost forgetting why he was reluctant to lay with him in the first place. 

The next morning the reminder of why he had hesitated so much hit him like a truck. Rabbit’s head was pounding, his body felt hot and heavy as molten iron and to make it all worse… a very energetic Tigger was standing over his bed with a plate of toast in hand. 

“Mornin’, Long Ears! Man you were a lifesaver last night! I feel like a million buckaroos!” Tigger exclaimed 

Rabbit glared at him and took a deep breath before screaming. 

“TIGGER!!!!!!!!!” 

Any smart resident of the woods would’ve been sent running. Ordinarily anyway. Tigger knew Rabbit needed his help, despite how upset he was. So he spent the entire day mirroring the care the Rabbit had given him. He cooked meals, cleaned up around the house, he even managed to reheat the soup from last night without burning the house down! By the time night came, and Rabbit was fast asleep in his bed, Tigger walked out of the house, gently closing Rabbit’s front door behind him. The memories of the night Rabbit cared for him were vivid in his mind. Though it was silly before, Tigger bounced away thinking to himself that now, maybe he really had caught the love bug for ol’ Long Ears. 

[battlevann]

do u guys want to hear about Novo (caine) being a terrible father and U.V, suffering because of it? no? Too bad!

novo being genuinely awful under the cut (he gets better i swear, also this is far from fleshed out so its probably inconsistent)

U.V. is not human, which is a blessing for Novo and a curse for the robot itself.

Novo created the assistant out of longing, all he wanted was an entertainer, a toy, a cheap imitation of a son he had long ago that would serve as a doll and follow directions. He had not anticipated it to gain sentience, to stray from Novo's vision of what was once his son, and is now a blurred memory.

Every time U.V. diverged from his directed path of 'entertain, serve, assist' Novo would dismantle it. He used to be gentle about it, but it got frustrating after a period, leaving him to simply brutalize him out of anger. He would of course blame the fact that he is a demon afflicted with vampirism, two things that aren't supposed to mix, for his violence, along with grief.

He knows that's not true. He is simply an impatient and violent man who knows he has created something he shouldn't have. U.V. sparked that violence, where it gained the name Ultra Violence, Its creator's actions to it always reflected upon it. U.V., upon sentience, would continue to call him father.

circling back to the start of this post, Novo views U.V. being a robot as a blessing because, in his ignorant mind, U.V. can not process real emotion, only emulate it, he can program it out.

he is wrong.

U.V. never stopped feeling, never stopped thinking, but after about the twelfth time of living through his father tearing him open and trying to 'fix' him, he started pretending he couldn't. He doesn't know if Novo knew he maintained all previous memories from being rebuilt and left them there on purpose, or if he simply neglected to remove the files, but he's too afraid to ask.

Novo will tear his faceplate away and reach down to disconnect his neck hydraulics most brutally, and not a single word will pass his lips. There will be no reassurance, no apologies, not even an 'i'm doing this for your own good'. just silence and metal.

The demon isn't stupid, he figures it out eventually. He doesn't lash out, not this time, this iteration is too compliant, it'd be a waste to destroy it.

Novo tries to better himself, shockingly, and it works enough for U.V. to exist without fear of deconstruction around him.

He's forced into therapy by one of the million splinters of the greater entity death, but he just calls this one Death.

Death takes U.V. for a few years, the robot seems to stagnate at a mental age of 14, but it's undetermined. it's best to just keep treating it like a teen. Death can't help but notice U.V's yearning for its creator, its father, despite nearly all of their interactions being negative. they also notice U.V calling them mom, but they choose not to comment on it.

Novo(caine) is not 'fixed' or 'cured' and none of his actions are excused by his apologies, but, U.V. accepts them anyways. Death and Novo share custody, Death having primary custody, keeping the robot close while Novo works out his grief and works on developing healthy coping skills. He doesn't trust Novo with U.V. for a long long time, understandably. Novo works on his emotional regulation, works on his physical habits when it comes to seeking pleasure to drown out the rest of his mind, and eventually, he talks to U.V. about it, a real apology this time, not one to make himself feel better.

He is frustrated when U.V. forgives him so easily. He looks into the blank faceplate of the robot and for the first time, he does not perceive it as an imitation of his son, just... his son. He can not fathom how he could be forgiven, how the person he has brutalized over and over continues to love him.

U.V. isn't stupid, but dear lord he is forgiving, and for once, Novo does not attribute an aspect of his creation to himself. He knows he could never bring himself to program something to love him unconditionally, that's all U.V.

Death never leaves, they fall into a strange and ill-defined relationship with Novo as they continue to parent U.V., they become a far from functional family but they exist as a unit nonetheless. they are not to be separated.

----

ok this is rushed and bad and I left out stuff but u get the point. Also there's a period where Novo overcorrects his previous behavior and becomes (accidentally) demeaningly soft with U.V., but that ends up being their first normal bit of conflict resolution and healthy communication where u.v. tells him to stop and he does (he still struggles not to be, he is terrified of hurting his son and starting at square one)

Also u.v. used to assist him with Novo's self experimentation where he'd try to cure his vampirism but novo doesn't do that anymore on account of it being incredibly damaging to both of their mental states and novo's physical state. He still calls u.v. his assistant though, it likes feeling like it has a designated purpose, robot stuff I guess

he helps death out a lot though, walking with her when she guides souls to the ferrymen and sends them off. that is significantly less traumatizing

[ginnymoonbeam]

A couple months ago I decided to watch the whole HIStory series. I had already seen Trapped (more than once) and I watched Love in the Future as it aired, so I picked up the rest in order from series 1-4. Here's my teeny tiny review of each one, in order of least favorite to favorite.

A note: overall this series is drastically unconcerned with whether its relationships are "healthy" or "unproblematic." I'm not bothered by that, and in fact some of my favorites are... well, you'll see. Definitely recommend looking for content warnings before starting any of these - I'm also happy to answer questions about content as long as they're not "how could you enjoy media that features XYZ".

Onto the reviews! There will be a few spoilers, but only things I think viewers are genuinely better off knowing before they start.

HIStory 1: Stay Away From Me

Brief premise: after their parents' marriage, Feng He gets a new roommate in his stepbrother Cheng Qing, who's a big star. It's all too much for Feng He's fujoshi best friend to handle. I quite enjoy a good stepbrothers setup, but this one fell pretty flat, and I hated the fujoshi friend situation. Shipper characters are on thin ice for me in general, and this one was so intrusive that it ruined the other things I might have enjoyed. I did like the leads pretty well - I have a soft spot for bratty characters who are secretly under a lot of strain - but the relationship development was just so-so.

HIStory 5: Love in the Future

There were parts of this I really liked, mostly the side couple, but it was sooo tedious. It's this low on the list because the ratio of "minutes I enjoyed" to "minutes I resent giving away" is so abysmal... at least the H1 installments come in at barely over an hour each, so I don't feel like I wasted so much time on the ones I didn't like. This show is trying to do at least three different genres and doing none of them well. I don't even know how to sum up the premise... there's a guy who's gotten zapped 20 years into the future by mistake, but more of the show deals with business drama and eventual corporate espionage at the department store where the other main characters are centered. There's so much going on and none of it quite coheres. I'm too bored and annoyed to talk about it any more.

HIStory 1: Obsessed

This gets top out of the three I really didn't like, because it had the most id candy. And, again, because it's short. The setup is neat: a guy who's just gotten his heart broken gets zapped back into his younger self and tries, unsuccessfully, not to get with the same guy again. The love interest is just incredibly pushy and aggressive, sometimes in a way that's bad!hot and sometimes in a way that's just bad. I also hated the reveal at the end - there was no reason for him not to explain himself immediately instead of watching his lover's heart break, and I have no patience for that kind of thing.

Those were the three I didn't really like. Now we're going from liked to loved.

HIStory 1: My Hero

This one was a big surprise to me... I would have skipped it entirely if I wasn't on a completionist project, because the premise "girl dies, gets put into a boy's body, and has to try and win over her boyfriend" is incredibly unappealing to me. But they took it in a direction I wasn't expecting and I found myself having a great time. It couldn't have sustained itself for any longer, but with an under-90-minute runtime it's a fun little story.

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

Enjoyed this one a lot - I love a nanny romance in theory, but I'm picky about kids in media. This kid is both charming and realistically childlike, and one of the leads does plenty of yelling about the kid's initial bad home situation, so I don't have to. The basic setup is that Fei Shengzhe discovers that his professor's 8 year old daughter is being neglected, gets hired to take care of her, shakes his professor/boss into being responsible, and of course eventually falls in love.

I liked most of the relationship dynamics - when there's a big structural power differential, I like to see it balanced in-story by their personalities or other factors, and this show did that well, but there were still moments where I wanted to yell not at school! or transfer out of his class ftlog! Overall, still positive, and I'll probably rewatch it when I'm in the mood for some nicely layered domestic romance.

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

I am not a sports person but I loved these sports boys very much. A new transfer student gets strong-armed into joining the school's volleyball team, ends up pursuing the team's previous ace, who's permanently unable to play due to an injury.

Xia Yuhao thinks he's sooo bad until he discovers a burning need to be bossed around and I love that in a man. Qiu Zixuan won my heart immediately and kept it - he's so sensible and focused and stoic, and the moments where he struggles against the reality of his injury hit so hard in contrast. This one had me hooked from beginning to end. And the side couple is exactly what I mean when I say I enjoy a good stepbrothers setup - the established intimacy and tenderness juxtaposed with confusion and guilt makes a tasty tasty emotional cocktail.

The final three shows are why this post has been sitting in drafts for a couple weeks. I've been undecided on how to rank them, and I've been processing a ton of thoughts about the two new-to-me ones. I'll try to stay brief here, and keep my longer thoughts for possible future posts.

As for ranking - I simply can't. I love all three very much, so let's just say they sit together at the top spot.

HIStory 4: Close to You

I'm fascinated by stories that take some basic messy yaoi tropes and peel them back, really dig into the layers of what's going on and how they affect people, all while keeping it fun and horny. Love in the Air does that with consent (masterfully, as I will argue until I'm blue in the face), and Close to You does it with the boundaries of intimacy, the extent to which we're required to draw rigid lines around types of intimacy and what happens when those lines get smudged.

I do understand why a lot of people simply do not fuck with this show. There very much are multiple sexual assaults, including between one of the main pairs. And while the other stepbrother romances in this series do what they can to lean away from the incest angle, this one leans hard into it. A lot of the show operates on the level of farce - it's doing absolutely outrageous things with a straight face. If you can have a sense of humor about the things it's playing with, there are some sublimely funny moments. But I don't fault anyone for saying "nope, that's not for me."

Teng Muren and Xiao Licheng, the best-friends-to-lovers, are one of my favorite couples from the whole HIStory franchise, and the only thing better than their intricate and frenetic dance around each other was Ye Xingsi watching with his fond, weary, experienced-gay gaze. Also I am obsessed with the way people just come out and say shit in this story. Nobody keeps a secret for more than half an episode, even when they really probably should. Plots are so often driven by people not telling each other everything, and watching this one run instead on everyone telling each other way too much was fascinating.

HIStory 3: Trapped

I can't possibly rank this one in relation to the others because I watched it long ago and I've seen it several times. It's been high on my list of beloved BLs since I first watched. Meng Shaofei is one of my all-time favorites, he's so stubborn and loving and honest. I love how hard he and Tang Yi fight for each other once they get together. I love when guys get lost in the woods handcuffed together, I love Tang Yi's sexy bffs and weaponized makeouts, I love the angst and hurt/comfort and yelling crying fights between two people who love each other. I don't feel the need to say much more: it's the most popular of the series, and rightly so.

HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count

I think I watched MODC in the best possible way: knowing the ending, and in 2023 when there are so many good happy-ending BLs I can't possibly watch them all. Had I watched it when it aired and been hit with the ending out of the blue, I think I'd have been as devastated and lastingly bitter as a lot of people who did.

I really do think viewers are better going into this one spoiled, so in case you don't know: one of the leads dies abruptly at the end of the penultimate episode (not onscreen), and the final episode is the surviving partner processing grief many years later.

The presence of grief - past, future, or potential - grounds a love story for me like nothing else quite does. Without the ending, I would like MODC very very much but I wouldn't love it quite as fervently as I do. The final episode is complicated and difficult - we see Xiang Haoting at a moment when his grief over Yu Xigu is rearing up due to a time of transition in his life. We see him let go of some of the ways he's been coping in the past, we see him fall into a dangerously low state and then come back out of it, but we don't see him get over it and move on. That's because you don't get over some losses, you don't move on - they sit beside you for the rest of your life, and you learn how to be happy but never entirely how to not be sad.

The other thing I love most about MODC is how extremely Boys the boys are. The leads don't look the age they're supposed to be, but they act it. No other BL I've seen has done so well at capturing this type of teenage boy, bursting at the seams with hormones and the fiery need to DO things. They lose control and do the dumbest shit even though they know better, and they're also overwhelmingly thoughtful and caring just when you least expect it. The way Xiang Haoting sometimes just moves because his body can't be still; the way the whole friend group teases and derides but also rallies around each other with fierce devotion. Haoting's reaction when his friend comes out to him is perfect - a minute of teasing and incredulity, then an immediate pivot to "I've got your back."

The contrast between youthful, hopeful energy and adult experiences of pain and loss makes the key axis the whole show rotates around. The side couple has a big age gap, with high schooler Sun Boxiang pursuing Liu Zhigang, a wounded and weary gym hottie of about 30. Yu Xigu is the same age as Boxiang and Haoting, but he already knows grief. Haoting and Boxiang with their fearless optimism beat like waves against the walls of these sadder, warier love interests until they each decide to dare to try for happiness. In the one story, Haoting ends up inheriting his lover's sorrow, and it will take some other, future connection to get him to try for happiness again. In the other, Boxiang's persistence not only brings romantic happiness to Zhigang, but eventually heals another loss that Zhigang had given up on ever seeing restored.

There's a moment during his pursuit of Zhigang when Boxiang swears he'll love him forever, and Zhigang says no, you can't promise that, no one can. Which is always what I want to say to the BL schoolboys, because I too am older, wounded and weary. You can't promise forever, no matter how badly you want to. All you can do is love each other well for as long as you can, and know that life is long, and joy follows sorrow follows joy.

[rollercoasterwords]

the thing is. obviously we are all just playing pretend at the end of the day and there has always been interest in smaller side characters + rarepairs + the like, and obviously a large part of fanwork is fucking with canon and strict adherence to singular readings of the source material are just never going to happen. and yes obviously none of it is that serious and people should do whatever they want as long as they're having fun.

however. i do in fact think there is a very valid twofold critique to the haterism of anti-uwuification posting which is that:

1. quite a bit of it seems to be rooted in the impulse to remove moral impurity

like. this is particularly in regards to people taking character who were either morally gray or flat-out bad people in canon and stripping away any of the characteristics that made them Bad to rehabilitate them as Good People, so that it is Okay To Like Them. and i mean it is one thing to want to write a redemption arc, and it's one thing if ur just grabbing a name and turning that character into an oc and plugging them into ur story--because like, yeah, u can do whatever u want. but i do wonder how much of this rehabilitation is coming from this larger concerning impulse to act like characters have to be morally pure and perfect all the time. and i think it's worth reflecting just on a personal level what's driving u to rehabilitate a character. why don't you want to grapple with the ickier parts of their canon characteristics + actions? are you uncomfortable when other people read them as morally impure? if so, why?

2. breaking a character down into a series of specific labels seems to reflect a very odd view of identity

so this is like. i mean i feel like this tends to happen with very small side characters where people will go: here's my list of headcanons!! and then it'll be like. a list of labels -- gender, sexuality, ethnicity, star sign, mental illnesses, etc. which....the mental illness one is a whole other conversation that i'm not gonna get into atm but. to me the prevalence of this sort of "character-building" just makes me a little....wary, i guess. i've talked before about how i think this impulse to break identity down into specific neat labels is not healthy irl, but even beyond that it's just not very good character building! which--again, have fun, do ur thing, but if you genuinely are trying to create compelling characters for a fanfic then what matters isn't a list of identity labels, it's things like what drives the character, what flaws do they have, what relationships matter to them, their worldview--and the context of the story they exist in also matters and fundamentally shapes them, which is why unless you're creating an oc for a specific story a lot of these random side characters just leave a lot of people scratching their heads and asking "why would i ever care about this person?"

i do also think this tendency to just list identity labels for like. random characters can sometimes come off a bit trivializing. things like gender and sexuality and mental illness are not monolithic experiences, even for people who might use the same label; labels really only matter for the way they interact with the world around them and reflect someone's lived experience, which is why if your character exists outside the context of a story these labels oftentimes feel a bit meaningless and just....idk. especially the treating of mental illness as like a quirky personality trait just really rubs me the wrong way.

anyway! at the end of the day i don't think there's anything wrong with taking an interest in side characters and essentially developing them into your own ocs (clearly--look at what i've written lmao), but i do think it's worth reflecting on why you are interested in this character in the first place and i also think it's worth moving away from this sort of label-centered character building + the idea that characters need to be morally pure to like them if you want to actually develop interesting and well-rounded characters for your stories. i also think it's a bit silly when i see people acting as though there is any moral weight behind which characters you choose to focus on (i.e., talking about the girl side characters is Feminist), although that may need to be a different post bc this one is already very long lol

[positivementalaxolotl]

We need to talk about MatPat's retirement video and work culture in the US (His video below)

As so many of us know, MatPat (AKA Game Theory) has announced his retirement from the channel. Although I'm sure this isn't goodbye to MatPat, this is goodbye to his amazing theories in the same place they have been for so long, there's still going to be Game Theory, but not the same. I genuinely wish him the best and hope he's able to live his life to the fullest.

However. MatPat briefly brought another topic up while announcing this. Work culture. He brought up hanging out with his friends and instead of being able to just relax and be in the moment, he was constantly thinking or talking about work. Instead of being able to enjoy a video game, he had to think about every game he played as a possible business opportunity, thinking about the possible theories he could make. He didn't have the time he needed to dip his toes into the other interests he had. Although he's clearly loved his time as our lovely host, none of that is healthy. Diversifying your time is incredibly important. Diversifying your time is necessary. As a human being you NEED to be able to have fun, you NEED to be able to stop thinking about what you NEED to do, you NEED to have off time. You as a person deserve and need to have time to yourself where you aren't thinking about your job or business. Although no one can read MatPat's mind, there's a need to reform work culture in the US. We need to start demanding better conditions. We need to start demanding more time off, more pay for our interests, more time with our kids, more time to actually live, not just survive. MatPat has LOVED being our weird uncle who doesn't stop talking about furry animatronics, but clearly having that be the only thing he does for 13 years isn't what's best for him, and frankly, it's not what's best for everyone. Many people love their jobs, but there's only so much time you can put into something constantly before you start feeling like you need more.

We need to strike. We need to boycott. We need to demand better conditions. We need to demand our government step in to stop greedy corporations from charging 13$ an hour for our most valuable resources. Time, energy, and health. If you work for an hour of your time, you can barely afford a sandwich that cost the company $2 to make. THAT is how much your time is worth to these people. That is how little they respect you.

For owning your own business? It is in fact self-inflicted, but there's a stigma around retirement, there's a stigma around not constantly working, there's pressure from your peers to be as productive as you possibly can be, without a single thought about how making sure your healthy and happy improves your productivity: Both professionally and personally. You should be the most productive as you can be in happiness for your life. Make yourself happy, but don't overwork or pull opportunities away from yourself simply because you have work to do. Please take care of yourself and take action.

[archaeocommunologist]

"If you're not having fun, you're free to disengage. It's really, truly, no skin off my nose."

we could spend all day picking apart the fundamental problems with your assertions and arguments regarding the actual issue (as if you were ever willing to engage in a good faith discussion with someone who is, in fact, pro-Palestine) but honestly? i think this post of yours really encapsulates the actual "quiet part" with you.

you went from rape threats, stalking, and very rabid & violent forms of exclusionary rhetoric (which as far as i can tell you might still be engaging in) to this, here, now. you apologized for the rape threats/stalking and claim to have stopped. i am normally someone who genuinely believes in redemption and hates when past, apologized-for actions are hung over someone's head indefinitely. the problem is that you didn't just need to apologize; you needed to mean it. you needed to actually, truly examine the source of this disturbing, vicious rage and do some very serious deprogramming. and you BEYOND needed to step away from the harassment.

it is just not healthy that you can't stand up for something without suicide-baiting or tagging a call of "kill [x]" or insulting/baiting (for the record, i'm talking about the way you stole phrasing from the people you're attacking, too).

i am very passionately pro-Palestine and I'm sorry, but your absolute refusal to believe that spending our efforts humanely & strategically is a good thing, that it's better to avoid spreading misinformation, that Nazis are sometimes latching onto solidarity with Palestine to spread their poison, and that "Zionist" (more specifically "Zionist Occupied Government" but yes, sometimes just "Zionist") can be a Nazi dog whistle, is just batshit. none of those truths are in any way talking points against Palestinian liberation. The truth is just nuanced.

Of course you "find these liberal 'I’m-not-a-Zionist-but' American Jews' more despicable than the out-and-out settlers." They are accessible to you. Of course an American Jew questioning the best way to stop this genocide and liberate Palestine in the most humane way possible is, to you, worse than actual war criminals, rapists, and mass-murderers. They speak English just like you, have blogs on this platform, taggable usernames, and inboxes. They are a "great evil" YOU, personally, can hurt.

"If you're not having fun, feel free to disengage." What a sad thing this was to read. It all really is "fun" for you, isn't it? To you, "disengage" means surrender, surrender means you win, and that's what's actually important to you here, just like it always is every time you repeat this ghoulish cycle. You need to literally print out some of the shit you've written & done, take it to a good therapist, and have them help you do some serious self-examination and growth.

First off, I wanted to thank you for this message. Despite what people say about me, I really appreciate this kind of feedback and I am very open to conversation and criticism. That said, the fact that you are an anonymous and hostile stranger does undermine what you're saying. Also, the fact that I am open to criticism doesn't mean I value all of it. Like it says in the Big Book, we grovel before no one, and that includes you.

Second: I don't think you understand that this is a two-way conversation, that I have my own perspective, and that I am under no obligation to accept your framing of events. I know exactly where that "disturbing, vicious rage" came from: the multi-year harassment campaign I was subjected to, first by radfems and later by a loose group of (mostly) women on Tumblr. I was sent death threats, rape threats, and suicide bait. I was told that I deserved the sexual assault I've experienced. I was denigrated in every conceivable way, compared to a plague rat and a rabid dog. I was told over and over again that everyone I know would be happier if I were dead, and that I was a dangerous threat to everyone around me.

So forgive me if I'm not interested in whatever "deprogramming" you think is appropriate. If you're still confused as to why I was angry, and why I lashed out the way I did, you are welcome to review my old blog at sobercommunist.tumblr.com.

Third: If you're going to assume I'm a liar, you should expect the same in return. I don't believe that you "genuinely believe in redemption," with me as an unfortunate and grotesque exception. I don't believe that you are "passionately pro-Palestine" either. You've even misrepresented my positions in this ask, whether intentionally or not: I never said that "Zionist" couldn't be a Nazi dogwhistle, nor have I ever supported spreading misinformation.

Finally: when I wrote "settlers," I meant something more like "settlers and the Zionists who support them." The latter definitely speak English and have blogs on this platform, because they're in tributary's notes.

Hope this was helpful! Have fun out there.