#and none of the deaths made me feel anything because none of them were done in a way that really elicited emotion in my opinion ESPECIALLY

[barrygeuse]

s2 of arcane was a major disappointment to me all things considered. it was gorgeous and i can't deny that; i fully enjoyed watching it, but its plot was overcrowded and it completely abandoned everything that happened in s1. silco and vander's sacrifices, the fight for zaun's independence.. it was all completely undermined by the war. countless lives lost and for what? we got a glimpse of what zaun and piltover could have been, but in our timeline everyone was fighting the arcane and ambessa rather than the oppressive piltover. it wasn't about the undercity and topside anymore. it just felt kind of nothingburger to me which was disappointing considering how much the first season elicited emotion

[sturnsdarling]

‘never have I ever, shared a girl with my brother’

Matt and Chris’ best friend takes an innocent game of ‘never have I ever’ as her opportunity to ask the boys something she’s always wondered

vibe check: THREESOME (obviously no contact between matt and chris the fact that this even needs to be said is insane). dirty talk, softdom!mattandchris, matt the much, double penetration (no lube mentioned but PLEASE USE LUBE i'm so fr), throat fucking (chris receiving), fingering, squirting, titty play, hickies, cream pie, multiple orgasms (i lost count), they both nut inside her (kill me now), cute mini aftercare literally anything you can think of is in this fic dude i could go on forever

5.3k words of pure smut

A/N: the build up/foreplay to the actual smut is basically the scene from challengers because that scene actually changed my life. anyways if you see my search history say anything about how to manifest thought into reality through detailed story writing mind your business.

love and cigs, merc

There was a city wide power outage in LA, you were hanging out at the boys' house with Matt and Chris when suddenly, the TV turned off and the entire house was pitch black. At first you all freaked out, Chris spouting shit about how this is the night you all die and reeling off the game plan for when an intruder comes in, you and Matt were slightly more collected, Matt immediately checking his phone and confirming the power outage whilst you joked along with Chris about how you were going to fight this supposed intruder.

It had been about an hour, Matt had gone to Nicks room to get all his candles and put them on the living room floor, giving you guys some illumination in the dark. Chris was playing music from his phone, feeling grateful for spotify's offline option. You guys had exhausted every talking point, and even Chris was running out of things to say.

At some point between boredom and death, you suggested a game of never have I ever, and the boys reluctantly agreed. You weren't really playing properly because they didn't drink but, at least it was something.

"never have I ever, lost my virginity on a bench in Boston" Matt said, raising an eyebrow at Chris who rolled his eyes, punching his brothers shoulder.

"oh my god, I fuckin' forgot that thats how you lost it!" you laughed uncontrollably, keeling over into the rug on the floor.

"I dunno why you're laughing so much, kid, you've definitely done worse" Chris tutted at you.

"oh yeah? like what?" you said, playful confrontation in your voice.

"d'you remember when I had to come get you from that dudes house because you threw up on his dick?" Matt interrupted yours' and Chris' conversation.

Your eyes went wide and you nearly spat out the soda in your mouth, trying to stifle your laughter.

"I remember that! you had to climb out the bathroom window because you were too embarrassed to go back out" Chris was keeled over in laughter.

"we've all been there" You shrugged, owning your embarrassing mistake.

"no, kid, we haven't" Matt chuckled, looking to Chris who's face was scrunched up in a confused laugh.

"oh, come on? you're seriously telling me you've never had an embarrassing sexual encounter" you pressed.

"none involving vomit" Chris spoke through his laughter

"and none where I had to flee the scene by jumping out a window" Matt added to Chris' taunting.

"whatever, you guys are just boring, you're lucky you have me to keep you entertained with my embarrassing ass life" You rolled your eyes, pretending to be offended.

"to be fair, once I did accidentally punch a girl in the face whilst i was trying to fuck her" Chris said, trying to stifle his laughter.

"how the fuck did you manage that" You burst into hysterics.

"it was every dark and fumbly and I was still basically a virgin, okay? I apologised like fifty times and she still made me leave" Chris said, a boyish sulk taking over his body.

"dude that's not as bad as the time I was this close to a threesome with these girls, and I got so anxious that I told them my dog had just died and ran out half naked" Matt said, pinching his fingers together and huffing

"not my boy trev, thats so deep bro" Chris shook his head, acting disappointed in his brother.

Matt bringing up his near threesome experience made your ears perk up, and a question you had always wanted to ask came flooding back into your brain. You had been friends with the boys for a while and, had shared stories of all of your sexual escapades, some funny, some incredible and some awful, you were all totally open with each other.

But, your whole friendship, you'd always been curious as to whether they'd ever been offered a threesome, or taken someone up on one. You knew that girls would approach them both, but if one had more interest than the other, the other would back off and let his brother do his thing.

You uncrossed your legs, laying them out flat and placing one over the other as you leaned back on your palms, arching your back slightly as you looked between the boys.

"I have another never have I ever" You said, breaking their conversation.

They both looked to you at the same time, their breath hitching in their throat slightly at the sight of your chest being illuminated by the flicker of candle light.

"never have I ever...shared a girl with my brother" you said with complete nonchalance, looking back and forth between the boys.

Chris and Matt side eyed each other and looked back to you, mouths slightly agape at your forward question.

"like, fucked the same girl on different nights?" Chris asked, being the slightly braver of the two.

you shook your head, "like, fucked the same girl, at the same time" your voice was getting more and more seductive without even meaning to.

They looked at each other again, and then back to you, both slightly stunned, and slightly turned on by you even asking them that.

"we've been offered" Matt shrugged, "but we said no"

"why?" you said, sitting up straight now.

"cause I don't really wanna see my brothers face when I'm tryna cum" Chris laughed, looking to matt who made and agreeing face.

"interesting" you raised your brow quickly with a downwards smile

"why's that interesting?" Matt said, an air of seductive curiosity in his tone.

you shrugged, "I dunno, I jus' think you'd probably enjoy it", you pulled your legs into a criss cross under you, "you don't think the idea of fucking a girl who's so horny for you that she needs another version of you, is hot?" you tilted your head at them.

The boys were slightly stunned, they'd never thought about it like that before. Chris shifted where he sat, trying to ignore the blood rushing to his crotch as Matts eyes were trained on you, his tongue pressed to his cheek as you smiled at him smugly.

"well, when you put it like that, I guess it doesn't sound too bad" Chris said, letting his eyes wander over your frame.

"I've got one" Matt said abruptly, you and Chris looked to him, "never have I ever, offered my triplet best friends a threesome" Matt smirked at you.

You rolled your eyes and Chris attention shot straight to you, "I did not offer you a threesome-"

"yes, you did" Matt cut you off

"I simply asked if you'd ever had one" you shrugged, pretending to have no idea what he was talking about.

"yeah, and then proceeded to tell us exactly why we'd like it" Chris raised a brow at you, not realising he was edging closer to you on the floor.

"was I right?" you said, cocking a brow at Chris.

"yeah, you were" Matt answered for him.

Suddenly, the boys had come significantly closer to you, sitting in front of you like two siamese cats waiting for permission to do something. Your attention flitted between them periodically, the tension in the air thick with anticipation.

"so what then? would you say yes, knowing what you know now?" you said, trying to maintain your confidence

Matt smirked menacingly as Chris' brows dropped, pressing his tongue into the side of his teeth and looking to Matt. Matt side eyed him and they both returned their attentions to you.

"depends on who was askin" Chris said, eyes trained on yours.

"are you askin', pretty girl?" Matt muttered, his long fingers coming up to play with a strand of your hair.

The pet name made your stomach flutter, you don't think you'd ever been this turned on in your whole life, the sight of the boys' growing bulges from under their joggers making your mouth water as they both gawked at you, waiting for permission to fuck you exactly how they knew you wanted them to.

You didn't reply, only smiled as you leant forward, pressing your lips against Matts softly. He leaned into the kiss instantly, his hand coming to your face to pull you into him. The kiss was slow and somewhat soft, Matt asking for polite permission to press his tongue against yours with a gentle swipe over your bottom lip. You granted him access, and he pulled you in deeper to him with his hand on your jaw. He led the kiss with a gentle dominance that was slightly surprising from him. Chris watched with a slightly open mouth, watching as your tongue lapped and pressed over Matts, growing increasingly desperate to know what you felt like.

You broke the kiss with Matt, and immediately turned your attentions to Chris, kissing him with the same tenderness that you did Matt. Chris was a lot more feverish than his brother, his tongue entering your mouth instantly as his hand came to cup the under side of your chin. He bit at your bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth before soothing the sting with a warm kiss.

You were reeling in the feeling of kissing them both, the differences between them being so apparent, and only serving to make you want to know how else they were different.

You broke the kiss with Chris and sat back with a content sigh, looking between the two of them as they gawked at you with puffy lips and hooded eyes. You smiled, pushing your hair back off your shoulders and letting it hang down your back, exposing your neck to them. The boys looked to each other and, in an instant, they were by your sides, mouths latched around your neck, pressing their tongues against the soft skin, trailing kisses down either side of your neck.

your whole body felt like it was on fire, the sensation of the two of them nipping at sucking at you neck making you whimper slightly. Matt trailed his kisses down your chest, pressing his warm tongue along the curve of your cleavage as it begged to be freed from your tight tank top.

Chris went in the opposite direction, moving his mouth up your jaw and capturing your lips in a sloppy kiss as Matt slowly tugged at the hem of your top.

You pulled at the strap of your vest, letting it fall down your shoulder and giving Matt silent permission to free your tits from their confines. He complied, ripping your tank down with brute force, making your tits bounce free. He instantly latched his mouth around your nipple, biting down on the flesh and soothing the sting with a wet press of his tongue.

You moaned into Chris mouth, and his hand instinctively found the nape of your neck, collecting a handful of your hair and tugging on it, pulling your head back as he rose to his knees, not breaking the kiss.

"you like having us both kiss you like this, huh princess?" Chris said, smirking down at you with his lips brushing over yours.

"mhm" you nodded, your reply coming out in a whimper as Matt continued to work your nipple.

"she said it herself, Chris, she's so horny for us that just one isn't enough" Matt chuckled, palming your tit in his large hand, using his other to tease the hem of your joggers.

You flinched at the touch, a small shiver running down your spine at the sensation of Matts soft fingers teasing your skin.

"so responsive" Matt uttered, his attention focused on how your skin came up in goosebumps under his touch.

"come here, baby" Chris said as he shifted over to rest his back against the sofa, pulling you slightly by your hair.

You obeyed his orders, coming to rest in between his open legs, your back pressed to his. Matt turned to face you both, watching as Chris pried your legs open, raking his hands down the inside of your thighs at an agonising place, moving closer and closer to your throbbing pussy, but stopping before he reached you there.

You whined as Chris moved his hands round to the outside of your thighs, and Matt chuckled at your neediness.

"oh, come on, Chris, look how needy she is for it, just give her a little taste" Matt looked you up and down, his eyes hooded

"you want it, princess?" Chris muttered, his lips pressed to your ear as he hooked his fingers around the top of your joggers.

you nodded, head pressed against Chris' shoulder with your lip tucked between your teeth.

"words, pretty girl, we need words" Matt pushed, leaning forward and squeezing your thigh, inching his hand down your leg.

"yes, please, I want it" you whimpered, picking up your heavy head to look between the boys.

"want what, baby?" Chris said, a smirk wide on his lips as he nipped at your earlobe

"I want you both, I need you both to fuck me, please" you said, desperation thick in your voice.

With that, Chris pushed down your joggers as Matt assisted in lifting your hips up. Matt pulled them down, eyes trained on your covered pussy as sticky juices leaked from between the lace. You were soaked, and he couldn't help but reach forward to touch you.

"look, Chris, she's dripping for us" Matt said, pushing a finger up your covered folds, collecting your wetness on his finger, showing the glistening substance to Chris, who's mouth was once again latched around your neck.

Matt continued to tease your hole, getting down to eye level with your pussy as Chris continued to hold your legs wide open for his brother, your back arching into his chest as Chris sucked purple marks all over your neck, one hand in your hair, the other pressing bruises into your knee. Matts hands pushed you open further for him as he pressed his tongue flat against your throbbing pussy, you released a guttural moan at the sensation, your head rolling back on Chris' shoulder, giving him better access to your neck.

Matt wasted no time, he had had a taste of you and now he was hungry. He pulled your panties to the side and latched his mouth around your pussy, pressing his tongue into your hole as his nose brushed against your clit.

Chris pulled his hand out from your hair and began to palm your tit, still relentlessly attacking your neck with wet, warm kisses and soft bites.

The feeling of Chris working your tits as Matt lapped and sucked at your pussy was euphoric, the moans leaving you borderline pornographic as the boys' groaned at the sound of you whimpering for them. Matt brought a slender finger to your entrance, moving up your pussy to suck on your clit as he slipped his finger into your sopping hole with ease. Almost immediately, you clenched around him, and he inserted a second finger, curling them upwards as he coaxed your orgasm from you.

"that feel good, princess?" Chris muttered in your ear, "you sound so fuckin' pretty when you moan, y'know that?"

All you could do was moan in response, any sense of coherence being ripped from you by the second as Matt lapped at your pussy like a man starved. He was moaning, actually moaning with every clench around his fingers, drinking you in like you were his last meal.

Chris twisted and pinched at your nipples, his grip on your knee never wavering as he held you open for Matt. You turned your head, biting down on Chris' jaw and pressing your tongue against the stubble there, he chuckled, and captured your mouth in a feverish kiss, groaning as you bit down on his plump bottom lip. His hand raked down your inner thigh, pressing and squeezing bruises into the flesh as he pressed his tongue against yours.

Matt sucked on your clit, burying his fingers knuckle deep inside of you and grazing your g-spot with his long fingers. You broke the kiss with Chris with a pornographic moan, your hands flying to Matts hair to push him desperately into your pussy.

"i think that means keep going, Matt" Chris chuckled.

Matt looked up at you, your mouth agape and brows furrowed as he thrust his fingers deep inside your pussy over and over again, his tongue running circles around your puffy clit. You couldn't help but grind against Matts face, and he moaned at the feeling, using his free hand to hold your hip, near enough forcing you to grind against his tongue harder.

Chris pulled at your hair, making you look at him again and locking his mouth around yours, tongue aggressively pressing and pushing against yours as he returned his hand back to palm your tits.

You were a whimpering mess, moaning and crying into Chris mouth as Matt brought you over the edge with his tongue. You covered Matts mouth with your cum, shaking and convulsing above him as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you. He unlatched his glistening mouth from yours and helped you ride out your orgasm, watching in awe as you bucked your shaking hips into his hand.

"look how pretty she is when she cums, Chris" Matt said, gaining Chris' attention

Chris broke the kiss and chuckled, watching as you shook against his chest, "the prettiest girl in the world" he muttered, raking his hand down your stomach and pressing the pads of his fingers against your pulsating clit.

You shifted against Chris, whimpering as you felt a wave of hot tingles rush over your body. Matt was curling his fingers inside you relentlessly, begging for more of you, and Chris was rubbing fast circles against your clit, using your own sticky juices as lube for his movements.

Your eyes where clenched shut, head heavy against Chris' shoulder as you bucked your hips into their hands, moaning relentlessly and unable to form a single thought. A second, fast approaching orgasm ripped through you, and you clenched hard around Matts fingers.

"please, please, please" you began to beg, unsure of what you were begging for as your orgasm hit you like a freight train.

You released a wave of juices over Matts hand, squirting up his arm as you lifted your hips, stuttering. Chris pushed you back down, chuckling as he watched you squirm.

When you finally began to come down from our high, the boys slowed their pace and Matt pulled his fingered from you, licking them clean and moaning at the taste of you on his tongue.

"you taste so good, pretty girl" Matt shook his head, pulling off his top with one swift movement.

Chris dipped his fingers in your pussy, inciting a small whimper from you, and pulled them out just as fast, wrapping his arm round you to taste you on his fingers.

"fuckin' delicious" Chris groaned, shifting you forward slightly so he could pull down his shorts, letting his leaking cock slap against his stomach.

You were completely spent already, mind reeling from the shattering orgasms you just experienced, but the sight of the boys undressing for you made you feel increasingly desperate. Chris situated you back against his chest, you were both planted on the sofa and he had lifted you up onto his lap, his cock pressed against your sensitive pussy. Chris pried your legs open once more just after Matt had removed your soaked panties, leaving you totally bare for them.

Chris began to tease your folds with his throbbing cock as Matt freed himself of the rest of his clothes.

"you think you can take us both, princess?" Chris muttered in your ear, his voice cracking with every pump of his cock.

"mhm" you nodded, eyes fluttering at the feeling of Chris teasing your folds with his tip, "I can take it"

"good girl" Matt smirked, coming closer to you and Chris as he pumped his hard length in his hand.

Matt and Chris locked eyes and Matt cocked his head, Chris lifted you up slightly and let his cock slip out the way of your entrance. Matt pressed his tip through your folds, a needy whimper falling from your lips as Chris began to rub slow circles around the entrance of your asshole, preparing you to take them both.

"you ready, beautiful?" Matt said, standing over you with his tip pressed into your folds.

"please, give it to me" you nodded desperately.

Matt smiled a prideful smirk and with your words, pushed his girthy cock inside you. You both moaned at the sensation, Matts hands finding the backs of your thighs as Chris held you open for him. Matt bottomed out inside you, brows knitted together at the tightness of your warm pussy around him.

The feeling of Matt stretching you out, coupled with the slow rubs of Chris' gentle fingers against your hole made you feel light headed, moaning uncontrollably as Chris pushed one, and then two fingers into your gaping hole, using your own wetness as lubrication to slip his long fingers in and out of you. The feeling was unusual, but definitely not bad, the warm touch of them both caressing you as Matt rutted into your seeping pussy at an agonising pace, of Chris fucking his fingers into your asshole, stretching you out perfectly, was genuinely blissful.

You had never felt anything like it, and just as you thought it couldn't get any better, Chris lifted you up slightly, causing Matts dick to slip out of you momentarily. He inched his fingers into your mouth, and teased your hole with his long cock.

"bite down on me, baby, it'll help with the sting" Chris cooed in your ear as he pressed his tip into your clenched hole.

As Chris pushed into you, Matt did the same, thrusting his cock back into your warm pussy. You did just as Chris said, biting down on his fingers as Matt and Chris stretched you out completely. You cried out a moan, the sting only adding to your euphoria as they both began to fuck your gaping holes.

You were completely full of them, being thrust into from every angle as Chris fucked up into your tight asshole, and Matt thrust down into your weeping pussy, Chris fingers in your mouth, and Matts hands pressing bruises into the backs of your thighs.

They were both moaning and muttering, praising nonsense, filling the air with low grunts that were nearly drowned out by the moans that left your throat.

"y'taking us so fuckin' well, pretty girl, so fuckin' well" Matt grunted, planting a hard slap on the back of your thigh, kneading the flesh with soothing touches just after.

"so fuckin' tight around me, baby, fuck, you feel so good" Chris groaned feverishly in your ear, biting down on your lobe as he picked up his pace, fucking into your hole with animalistic passion.

Their praises made your head spin, and you felt yourself getting closer and closer to your third orgasm of the night.

"m'gonna cum, please let me cum, i'm- i'm- i'm" you were rambling, unable to think straight as the boys continued to fuck your holes.

"cum, baby, cum for us" Matt grunted, pressing his thumb over your puffy clit and rubbing steady circles over it.

"show us how pretty you are when you cum, princess, show me again, I miss it" Chris muttered into your ear, pulling his fingers from your mouth and rubbing wet circles over your nipple.

Your orgasm ripped through you, leaving a white sticky ring all around Matts cock as it leaked from you and down onto Chris' balls. Neither of them stopped their pace, fucking you through your high as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, your whole body shaking in white hot euphoria as they filled you up. You were borderline screaming at this point, moaning their names over and over again as your whole body tensed.

"so fuckin sexy" Matt grunted, rutting into you with gritted teeth.

Chris watched as your jaw hung slack, slowing his pace in your asshole and pressing a few long, slow and hard thrusts inside of you.

"I need t'know what that pretty mouth feels like" Chris said, pulling out of you. The sting of him removing himself from your gaping hole being soothed by the cool, wet juices of your sopping pussy.

Matt pulled out, earning a whimper from you at the complete emptiness you felt.

Before you could complain, you were thrown about the sofa, head hanging over the edge with your legs pressed against your chest and your mouth stuffed full.

Matt was pounding into you, holding your legs tight against your chest but just open enough so that he could see your tits bounce as he rutted into you.

Chris had his hands wrapped round your jaw, softly caressing your cheeks as he fucked your open throat.

"you're so good, baby, taking me down your pretty little throat like this as Matt abuses your perfect pussy" Chris cooed softly, watching as tears pricked at your eyes, gagging around his massive cock with every thrust.

You loved it, it was exactly what you wanted. The feeling of Matt rutting into you, stretching you out and hitting your g-spot as Chris pounded down into the back of your throat, looking at you like you were an angel as he made you gag around him, was perfect. You reached a hand down to your pussy, and began to rub fast circles over your clit. Matt near enough growled at the sight, fucking you harder than ever, the sting of his skin slapping against yours only serving to push you closer to the edge again.

"keep doin' that, princess, keep playin' with y'self for me, kay? don't you dare stop" Matt grunted, breathy moans escaping his mouth with every thrust into your clenching pussy.

"you gonna cum, beautiful? you like having your throat fucked so much you'll touch yourself over it?" Chris smirked down at you, his pace into your throat never wavering as he periodically threw his head back, thrusting deep into the back of your throat.

You attempted to nod around him, whimpering and moaning around his cock at the familiar tingly feeling creeping up your spine. Chris moaned your name as he bottomed out in your throat, hips stuttering slightly as he reluctantly pulled out and began to thrust in and out once more.

You were clenching hard around Matt, and he knew you were about to cum, uttering encouraging praises to you in hopes of seeing you cum again. "come on baby, gimme one more, y'so fuckin' perfect, such a good girl, jus' gimme one more"

Your pace on your clit began to falter and you came all over Matts dick, moaning around Chris' length as tears fell from your eyes. The feeling of you clenching so hard around him gave Matt the push he needed, and with a few hard and fast thrusts into your sensitive and spent pussy, he came inside you, fucking his cum into you as he rode out his high, pressing bruises into your thighs as his head hung low on his neck.

"fuck, oh my- fuck" Matt groaned, leaning down and biting down on the bone of your knee, trying to steady his bucking hips as they chased the feeling of your warm pussy leaking his own cum all over his cock.

Your whole body felt limp, you were completely fucked out, and yet, as Chris continued to fuck your throat, you found yourself almost sad at the emptiness you felt when Matt finally pulled out of your throbbing pussy.

"Chris, you gotta feel how fuckin' tight she is, dude" Matt sighed, shaking his head and resting back onto the soft couch to catch his breath.

Chris pulled out from the depths of your throat and gave you a warm smile from your hung position over the sofa. He walked round, grabbing your legs and spinning you round so your thighs were spread for him, ass nearly hanging off the edge of the sofa as Chris lined himself up with your spent hole.

"you think you can take just a lil' more, baby? you wanna let me cum inside you as well?" Chris caressed your thigh with one hand and pumped his cock with the other.

"yes, please, Chris, fill me up jus' like Matt did" you whimpered, spreading your thighs wider for him.

Chris smiled, "such a good girl" pressing gentle touches into your thighs as he pushed his cock deep into your aching hole.

Chris' eyes rolled to the back of his head at the feeling of your tight, warm pussy sucking him in like a vice, "Jesus, fuck" he moaned.

You whined at the stretch, not even close to recovered from the pounding Matt had given you. Tears pricked at your eyes once more and you moaned Chris' name, pressing a desperate hand into his chest.

Matt came up beside you, taking your jaw in his hand gently and pressing a tender kiss on your open mouth.

"you can take it, baby, be a good girl and take it" Matt said softly, caressing your hair as you nodded, eyes fluttery and lips parted.

Chris was fucking into you like he'd never felt a pussy like yours in his life. Every time he pulled out, he was sucked back in by your clenching walls, reeling in the way you felt stretched out around him. Your tits were bouncing with every thrust, and with your tongue pressed against Matts in a needy, sloppy, moan filled kiss, you didn't notice Chris' hips begin to stutter. His pace began to falter as he became a rambling mess, thrusting in and out of you, cursing and moaning your name as you moaned into Matts mouth at the feeling of him effortlessly fucking into your g-spot over and over again with his lengthy cock.

With a final hard few thrusts, Chris' mouth was latched around the curve of your neck, biting down on the muscle as he came inside you, filling you up for the second time that night. He fucked you through his high, pushing his cum deep inside your already cum soaked walls.

Matts hold on you was gentle and grounding, him only pulling away from kissing you when Chris mustered the strength to pull out of your perfect pussy.

Chris reached down to the floor and put on his shorts, throwing Matt his and slumping down on the sofa beside you. You were sandwiched between them, Matts head rested on your shoulder and Chris laying over your stomach, your legs hanging open over the edge of the sofa. They were both panting, tracing small circles on your skin as your whole body relaxed into the soft cushion of the sofa.

You were exhausted, completely spent and desperate for sleep as you felt the boys' cum leak out of your sore pussy.

Matt lifted his head up, hooking his finger under your jaw to make you look at him, "you okay, pretty girl?" he asked softly.

You nodded with fluttery eyes and a weak smile, your hand caressing Chris' soft curls as he laid in your lap.

Matt smiled at you, pressing a gentle kiss on your nose, "you wanna go have a nice warm bath and cuddle up in bed with me n'Chris?"

you nodded again, eyes fluttering closed as you hummed, unable to form a sentence.

The boys helped you up, Chris passed you his t-shirt and helped you put it on, telling you to go easy and let him do everything.

They walked you to the bathroom, Matt holding you against his chest as Chris ran the bath and helped you step in, both of them easing you down into the bubbly warm water.

You sighed at the relief of the warm water covering you, your eyes closing and head rolling back on its hinge for a moment.

Matt was sitting down by the side of the tub, his finger tips tracing soft circles on your shoulders as Chris sat on the counter top, sorting the perfect queue of songs to help you relax as much as possible.

taglist: @sturniozalt@mattslolita@shaquilles-0atmeal@blahbel668@sleepysturniolo@le4hsblog @sarosfilms @joemamaaa42069 @2muchofaslvt @seluky10 @cherib3lla @jetaimevous

[blackbirdsblackberries]

I HATE THE NEW HERO

Pt 4: No luck today

Pt 1 - Pt 2 - Pt 3 - Pt 4 (You're here) - Pt 5 - Pt 6 - Pt 7 - Pt 8 - Pt 9 - Pt 10

Engineering is probably one of your good subjects - mainly due to the grades you get and the equipment you get to create for your second life.

That being said, your luck isn't very high right now because just as you enter the classroom you're called up to the office. Over the loud speaker. In front of everyone.

This is your last straw. You're going to actually break down and cry.

Taking a deep breath you head to the office and stand in front of the receptionist.

"Uh, hi.. I was called up?" You state to the distracted receptionist. "Huh? Okay. Go into the principal's room I guess." She waves you off dismissively and you hold back a retort.

You make your way to the room and knock on the door. It opens with the principal on the other side. "Ah, There you are. I was worried you wouldn't show! Please, have a seat." He opens the door wide enough for you to get in.

You enter and your eyes fall onto a boy with spiky black hair and tanned skin. His back is to you. Next to him is a taller, more bulkier man in a pressed suit.

Your stomach lurches, feeling ill all of a sudden. Your senses go off and you fight the urge to run away. You can't tell who these people are but something isn't right.

Slowly you make your way to a third chair that was placed at the desk. You glance at the two males and have to swallow the bile - it was none other than Damian al Ghul-Wayne and Bruce Wayne. Your eyes immediately snap forward and you clench your fists slightly.

There's no doubt Tim had said something horrid about you to them, maybe he snitched on the fights you two had, whatever it was now you're in deep shit.

You try to get a read on them but it was near impossible, they were both stoic. It didn't help that you refuse to look at the two. The principal sits down at his desk and crosses his arms.

"So, I have been made aware of some things that you have done recently, (Reader). According to numerous anonymous reports you have cyber bullied someone, picked fights, had plans to build dangerous weapons and had hit animals... Listen, you're a good kid but with what I have here I might have to expel you."

Fuck. You can't get expelled your parents would throw you out or something! You can't! You didn't hit animals! The most you hit was a fly! Dangerous weapons? There's nothing like that at all, besides the plans for you superhero weapons. Those aren't dangerous though. You cyber bullied your vigilante persona to make it more realistic! You never pick fights - you don't want to risk hurting someone with your increased strength!

Though, something makes you freeze. If you were called here for that then why are the two Wayne's here?

You think the principal is a telepath because he speaks up.

"You're very lucky Bruce Wayne and his son are kind enough to vouch for you though they said they wanted a favor in return." Oh. Manipulation. You scrunch your eyebrows, they probably reported me alongside Tim. They're doing this so they can hold it above my head and make me complacent or subservient to them.

Maybe it'd be best if Aranea faked their death. Started a new identity or something... You probably wouldn't go through with it but it's a nice thought.

Well, you don't have much of a choice. You can still silently make your hate known towards the vigilante and it's not worth losing a scholarship over. Especially with parents like yours.

"... Fine... Thank you for this offer, Mr Wayne and Mr al Ghul-Wayne" you mutter. God it's shameful, you want to crawl into your skin and die. Was it worth putting your dignity on the line? You're not too sure. What you're sure of though is that you will get to eat tonight. If your family has the money...

Bruce nods his head in affirmation and puts on his Brucie smile, one that even you struggle to see past. "Of course, what kind of person would I be if I would overhear something so tragic and not do anything about it. We can go over the favor later." He states. You hold back a grimace though you're sure everyone can see the effort.

You don't know what to respond with, humiliated enough by this clear manipulation. You just give him a double thumbs up. Damian stares at you weirdly and the principal raises a brow. Bruce however chuckles, though it's forced.

The principal ushers you out of his office and tells you to wait out the front with the receptionist for Bruce and Damian while they chat some more with the principal himself.

After waiting for a bit the door opens and the two males walk down the hallway to where you are. Damian scowls and glares at you while Bruce looks to you blankly, detached.

You stand and awkwardly rub your hands on your uniform. Something they clearly don't miss as their eyes snap to the motion.

"uh, thank you for this opportunity... What's the favor?" You managed to work up the courage to speak without stuttering like a madman. Something you believed you should get a pat on the back for because the two guys were terrifying.

"The favor is simple really," Bruce starts his Brucie personality back in play "Stop speaking badly of Aranea and don't pick fights with my ward, Tim. Easy right?" You nod. You expected this. Honestly you should be a detective or something you think to yourself.

Nah, that's Batman's job.

You pick up your bag and head to the door, Bruce however had moved while you had seemingly zoned out while in thought and was standing in front of the door while talking to the receptionist and in your haste to leave you bumped into his side.

He automatically puts his arm on your shoulder to steady you and your mind connects the dots.

Bruce has the same build as Batman. Batman seemingly adores Aranea, or at least you think so, he's hard to read - like Bruce (for both being hard to read and adoring Aranea to a weird point). Same amount of kids. Plus Batman had to be rich if he could have a plane and a new looking suit after gruesome nights.

God, how did you not see this before...

Amidst your freaky reality check you fail to notice Bruce trying to get your attention until he snaps in your face - like how your dad does. You hate that.

Your head shoots up and you take a couple steps back while muttering an apology while Bruce stands there with a raised brow, confused while Damian looks at you with disdain as if you soiled a good outfit.

Feeling humiliated and terrified you quickly move around the two men and out of the door. You're in deep shit now... Even something as simple as secretly knowing the identities of the vigilantes that watch over Gotham is a death wish.

This is going to be the worst day of school, so, you decide to leave. You go to the sick bay and get a slip to leave school and you do.

You run home as fast as possible and get to your room. Your mother is out cold in her room with some man she met from the bar so you shouldn't have to worry about her.

You take a couple deep breaths and contemplate on what to do now that you left school, you could catch up on assignments, you could take a nap, or you could go on patrol...

It's daytime and you're pretty sure Signal will be patrolling today, you like Signal, he's a chill guy. Now though, now you don't really want to be near any of the vigilantes.

You decide to check your phone to see what area Signal is patrolling, it comes up in the GC, Westside Gotham at the Midtown area.

Okay. You can do East Park Side then. It's not your favorite area but at least you won't be confronted with one of the vigilantes so soon. Plus, the park is nice.

You suit up and head out. East Park side wasn't far away from you due to the lack of money your family has you are stuck in downtown.

You spend a majority of your time on patrol, helping people and just hanging around. Soon, much to your surprise, you get a call from Batman.

"Aranea. What are you doing patrolling without your comm on and without informing us?" He sounds as serious as ever, usually you'd roll your eyes but right now you're struck with fear. His voice holds maliciousness and anger deep under it. The very same way that Bruce Wayne had spoken to you. You don't want to admit it but knowing the identities of these heroes makes it more suffocating to be around them.

It also meant you had to be much more careful around them.

"Uh... I was bored at home so I went out on patrol?" You respond, trying to keep the energy in your voice, even if it felt like you were going to explode.

"That doesn't answer my question." He responds, you're sure he's picked up on the fakeness of your cheerfulness. "Right! Ha! Forgot about that. I didn't wanna disturb you all! Plussssss, Signal is patrolling so it's all good!" You laugh it off.

Batman isn't laughing. When does he ever?

"That's no reason to not inform us or at the very least turn on your comm. What if something happened to you? What if you died? You aren't invincible. You'll die in that stupid suit if you don't work with us!" You wince slightly. Fuck him. Does he really think you need him and the others to survive? Not to mention him calling your suit stupid, sure it's not perfect but stupid is just overkill. He only even thinks it's stupid because it isn't made with his money!

You honestly couldn't find the effort to continue talking to him, so with your faux cheerfulness you decide to end the call. "I get it. I'll know better next time! Bye bye!"

Sometimes you wish you were old enough to drink.

[astraystayyh]

Invisible Thread- two.

This is the second and final part of Invisible Thread. Here is the link to part one.

pairing: minho x reader. pre-established relationship. reader has she/her pronouns.

genre: fluff and domesticity. angst. healing. characters trying to become better. humans being humans.

cw: parent death. grief. talk about death. allusion to sex but no smut. suggestive at one tiny part but it's for the plot.

summary: In which Minho rewrites your entire relationship with love.

word count: 17k

a.n: this is, i hope, a gentle reminder to always be kind to yourself, and to the people surrounding you. this one is pretty personal because i see myself a lot in yn, but it was also challenging since i wrote about things i have never experienced either. so i hope you'll enjoy reading, and that the second part will live up to your expectations. it took me a long time to write this but it's okay!! English isn't my first language and this was also a reminder to be patient with myself. thank you. i love you all. truly. feedback is highly appreciated, as always <3

(here is a Spotify playlist i made for this second part, you can listen to it while reading if you'd like :))

Love. How lucky yet cursed we are to ever experience it.

The fear attached to this singular emotion seems ridiculous. Because we aren't afraid of experiencing anger, sadness, or nervousness. They might overwhelm us, but we accept them, we recognize them as they are and then we cope with them. Whichever way we know best.

But when love comes knocking on our door, we stray away from it, we try to shape it into something else- much gentler on the soul, less devastating if it were ever not reciprocated.

So, we name it a crush, attachment, infatuation; anything but the cursed four-lettered word- anything but love. As though merely acknowledging it would morph it into a sharp-edged sword, eternally wedged within us, making our blood dribble away slowly and with it, our souls awash.

You are no exception. Love has terrified you for the better part of your life. There was a time when the word did slip easily from your mouth, back when you were a child and your view of the world was still naive, undisturbed by what you now know. You loved ice cream, you loved candy, you loved your teacher who braided your hair.

But then the once light word grew heavy on your tongue. Because love is what made you crave your mother's warmth, only to find coldness awaiting you. It is love that made you seek shelter elsewhere, in the fleeting opinions of the people surrounding you, hanging your entire worth on the words they uttered about you- ones they forgot within hours but you carried for years.

But this view of yours got dismantled, slowly, day by day. You’ve come to learn that it isn't love that had hurt you, it was rather the lack of it.

It cannot be love that wound when it is the emotion swimming in your eyes, whenever they rest on Minho. You didn't dare say it to him, to name the feeling out loud. You were petrified that if it was ever out in the open, then the love would materialize into something tangible, and the universe would snatch it away, as it has done before with everything you've ever wanted.

But although you didn't say it, you felt it, deep within each one of your atoms. It spilled from you like infinite ink, rewriting your entire relationship with love, dismissing every wrong notion you've once established about it.

Love cannot hurt because you love Minho, and you'd hurt yourself before ever hurting him.

But maybe none of you would have to hurt. Maybe for once, you'd both be okay. That's what you'd like to believe as Minho's shoulders brush against yours. You are sitting at your usual table at Limbo, a gray cat sprawled on top of your laps. Finals ended three weeks ago. Summer break is here, the one time you've been dreading since you came to college. Because everyone is going back to their homes, but you don't have one to head back to.

"What will you do this summer?" Minho suddenly asks, putting down his iced americano. You scratch the cat's ears beside you gently- Lilia you've decided to name her. "I don't really have plans."

"Would you like to go camping?"

"With you?"

"I mean, unless you have another secret boyfriend, then yes, with me."

"Shut up," you giggle, swatting his arm playfully. "I'd really like that," you smile softly at him, to which he nods. "Oh, and we still need to celebrate your win this term."

"Mm. Let's just call it a date this time," he grins, taking a spoonful of the salted caramel cheesecake and bringing it to your mouth. "I need to go visit my family for a few days, and then we can go," he adds.

Sudden guilt floods your being. He had a family he could go to. It was selfish for you to want him to stay, to strip him from this privilege you weren't granted with.

"I don't want you to cut your time short with them for me," you mumble, eyes fixated on Lilia soundly dozing off on his lap. It still astonished you how all animals seemed at ease in Minho's presence. As if they could sense his gentle soul, carefully hidden behind his sarcastic retorts, and cheeky smiles- one you were lucky enough to have been touched with.

"I'm not. I just really wanna go camping," he says nonchalantly, but his hand raises to squeeze your shoulder lightly.

"You should go with them."

"I have a two-person tent in mind, it won't fit the three of us. And I want to come back to you."

His words painted a sweet picture- of him returning home after a long journey, and you were that haven he sought to rest. The idea that he'd discover such solace in you when you struggled to find it within yourself, seemed unfathomable to you.

So, you bite your lower lip slightly, before squeezing his knee in gratitude. "Okay. I'll be waiting."

✹✹✹

Blue and orange flames surge higher under the wind. You watch, mesmerized as their light dances upon Minho's skin, painting him with glistening, golden hues. Every feature of his face is chiseled to perfection, as if a sculptor spent hours perfecting his face, down to the tiniest detail. He looked in his element here, setting up your tent and grilling the meat and now looking up at the sky, a chilled lemonade in his hand. You should go camping more often.

Minho places his empty can of cola on the ground, before tapping his lap. "Come here," he smiles and you oblige, rising from your chair and settling on his thighs. You tuck your knees to your chest, curling yourself entirely in his hold. His arms encircle your body, making sure you don't slip down. You close your eyes, as Minho gazes up at the night sky before you. You are comfortable and safe. It is that safety that you've craved for so long. To be held and not fear the threat of a knife behind your back.

It still surprised you, how you came to crave Minho's presence. But it went beyond just being near him; you felt as if you needed to touch him, as if verifying his existence, ensuring he wasn't an ephemeral specter slipping through your fingers like grains of sand in an hourglass. Yet, even more surprising was Minho's own yearning for you. His hands were always drawn to you, subtly grazing your face, resting on your palm, skimming your shoulders. Each tentative touch filled an echoing void within you, slowly diminishing it until all that remained were faint whispers of it.

Minho has cared for you, long before he understood you. He saw snippets and fragments of you, and he cared for the patched-up version he made up in his mind. And when you unlocked your heart for him, he only cherished it even more, silently molding his behavior so he wouldn't cross any of your boundaries.

He was hesitant at first, in holding your hands and kissing your lips. He still asks for permission, in that gentle voice of his, to touch you, in case you’re uncomfortable. Which you aren’t, because his hands on you are infused with care, fingertips dripping with unguarded attention and softness, for you.

You sigh contently, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck as his arms tighten around you. Comfortable and safe.

"What's your favorite word?" he suddenly inquires and you giggle slightly. He often asks you these random questions, as though he wished to understand you in the most ordinary of ways and to care for you in each.

"I think it's the word soft. Whoever thought of the word really nailed it. Nothing else could have depicted softness like this one."

"The word does sound really pillowy, and gentle."

"See, I really love gentle too! Why is the word gentle so gentle? Does that make sense?" Laughter tings your question as he grins, his nose brushing lightly against yours.

"It does. They both remind me of you, actually."

"Really?"

"Mm. You're still so soft and gentle, despite it all... If they ever tell me there is one kind person left on this earth, I'd come looking for you."

Sudden tears flood your eyes as a shaky exhale leaves your lips. It felt rewarding, in a sense, to have someone acknowledge the strength it takes to be kind, in a world that had dealt you nothing but harshness.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

"Sometimes..." you pause, racking your brain for the best way to word this. "Sometimes it scares me how much I've come to care for you. How you make opening up not sound as daunting as before."

You grab his hand into yours, fidgeting with his fingers. The familiarity of their touch helps you calm down. "I'm not saying you'll hurt me. I just... I can't help this tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me to be cautious. It's gotten quieter, but it's still there."

"That's just your past selves trying to protect you," he smiles softly at you, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. "When I told you I'll be here, for as long as you'll have me, I meant it. Doubts and all."

"But I don't want to be closed off anymore," you admit. "It's very lonely that way."

"I know it is, love. But it's what you knew best back then, hm? You shouldn't feel bad about it, you did what you had to do to protect yourself. I'm just here to protect you too now."

"You think I can no longer do it myself?" you tease, your hand threading through his silky hair.

"Of course, you still can. But two shields are better than one. Also, this is exactly why I work out."

"Will your muscles protect me from my mind?" you giggle and he nods proudly. "Have you seen these?" he flexes his arms, before snorting, a bit shyly, eyes squinting closed. He's saying nonsense to make you laugh, and it's warming your heart beyond belief.

"I think these should just stay wrapped around me," you grin, guiding his arms around your back once again.

"No complaints," he smiles, as you settle against his chest. He places a soft kiss on the top of your head and you close your eyes. Safe and comfortable- Minho.

✹✹✹

Summer has been kind to you. Or maybe it was you who has been kind to summer, your laughter filling its air until it could do nothing but mirror your happiness.

Summer tasted like love with Minho by your side. In clementines he peeled for you, feeding you each slice with a soft smile on his face. In spontaneous bike rides at six am, to chase sunrises you've never witnessed before him. In numerous books he bought so you’d read them to him, his head on your lap, a tranquil expression coloring his face. And although the months have all been sweet, there are two days that you remember particularly.

You don't mark up the time with dates, but rather with the new feelings Minho bestowed upon you- the first time you wanted someone to stay, and they did.  

"Baby?" Minho’s hand brushes against your shoulder and you startle, turning around to look at him. "Are you okay? You zoned out."

"I’m fine," the rehearsed lie slips from your mouth, long before you could think about it. A ping of guilt swarms your heart, you’ve promised yourself that you’d tell Minho about your true feelings, even if he couldn’t help you with them.

"Are you sure? You haven’t said a word since I came over..." He quickly glances at his watch, "Three hours ago."

"I’m sorry," you mumble, your thoughts swarming your head once again. You felt horrible for wasting his time. He had better things to do than sit with you in silence.

"I’m not asking you to apologize," he says cautiously as if he’s aware he’s threading along a dangerous line. You stay silent and he shuts his eyes closed, hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I just want you to be honest."

"I am."

"Are you, really?"

"What do you want from me?" you ask a bit breathlessly. You don’t know what you are saying, but you can sense your walls building up, higher than you could ever reach them.

"You’re clearly not fine and I-"

"I am trying, okay? I’m trying, please." You plead; you’re unsure for what exactly. For him to stop prodding, because you don’t have answers for him, not yet. Not when you haven’t understood it yourself.

"I'm going for a walk," he says, abruptly standing. You stay frozen in your place, as he quickly slips his shoes on, before leaving your apartment. You’re trying and it isn’t enough for him.

You don’t move from your place as time slowly trickles by. The seconds morph into minutes and suddenly it’s been an hour and a half since Minho left. There is a tantalizing fear making you stay put as if you ever dare to move a limb, then the stillness would be shattered and Minho wouldn’t come back.

It’s hard to reroute your brain entirely- old habits creep up on you swiftly, and suddenly you’re pulled back into the old you, woven into the web of horrible thoughts stitching all around you. Change feels sweet, with Minho, it feels like hope and the taste of a new beginning, but it is scary and different. And the familiarity of what you were before him calls your name from time to time. It was horrible and lonely, but there were no surprises in it. You knew what to expect at all times.

You could’ve told him that you weren’t feeling good, that you didn’t feel like talking and Minho would’ve understood. Because this isn’t the first time this happened, and it happens to him too sometimes. So, he understands, more than anyone you know. But instead, you lied and denied and Minho left. And you can’t blame it on anyone but yourself.

You grab your phone, its sudden light burning your eyes. You blink repeatedly, as you dial Minho’s number. It rings and it rings, then it goes to voicemail. You try again, through blurry vision. It doesn’t even ring this time- straight to voicemail.

Minho’s left. He’s had enough. You can’t blame him.

Three swift knocks resound loudly on your door. You don’t remember reaching the doorknob, your body’s moving on autopilot, but you pull it open. Minho. Your hold on the handle tightens until your knuckles turn white. You can’t look at him, you don’t want to see his face as he leaves you.

"Why are you crying?" he whispers, dainty fingers gently wiping away your tears.

"Don’t go. Not you too," you manage to utter, and you hear Minho suck in a deep breath, before pulling you tightly to his chest.

"What are you talking about?" he says, as he buries your head in the crook of his neck. The familiar scent of his cologne washes over you- you’ve memorized its earthy notes by heart now, easily recognizable between a thousand smells.

"You've been away for two hours and I called and you- you didn’t pick up. I thought you wouldn’t come back."

"My phone died while I was outside and I lost track of time, and- please don’t cry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry." He leans away, cupping your cheek delicately. "Im here, you see? Let’s go on a walk, hm?"

"You were just out," you mumble and he smiles at you. "I wanna go with you."

Minho takes off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders. He leads you outside, still clad in the bunny slippers he randomly bought you a week ago. His hand is warm in yours. His hand wouldn’t be warm if he was leaving you.

You walk in silence to the park near your home, and Minho sits you down on an empty bench. Your tears are dried up by now, cheeks cold from the night breeze; and his hand is still in yours.

"Chan didn’t leave our dorm for three days." He starts, clearing his throat. "He’s overworking himself, doesn’t even eat the food I make him. And I tried to tell him to take a break today. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t convince him. He’s probably still working on his music right now," he chuckles, but there is no trace of humor in the sound. "And then I come to you and you’re not okay. And I want to help but suddenly I’m pressuring you. And you’re trying, so hard and you’re doing so well and I’m pressuring you instead of helping. And I failed at being there for you both. What good I am if I’m not there for the people I lo- care about?"

"Don’t say that, please. You are good enough. More than enough," you cup his cheek, pressing his forehead on yours. "You’re always here. Don’t ever doubt that. I’m sure Chan appreciates everything you do for him."

"And you?" he asks, tone coated in such raw vulnerability that it knocks the breath out of you. At that moment, Minho was a plain hill, devoid of hidden nooks and crannies- nowhere for him to guard his emotions from you.

"Do you remember that night, when I asked you how I can help you feel yellow?" you ask after a while, and he nods, repetitive blinks rythming his silence. "I used to think that happiness was yellow, that sudden joy that drowns out the world around you. And I wanted to always feel yellow, the highest of highs. But that could only lead to another low, another extreme. I’ve since learned that true happiness is feeling peace when you lay in bed at night…  And for your heart to beat soundly from contentment."

"I remember feeling this way only once, a long time ago. I woke up to see the sunrise, but I was a bit late to it, so I missed the orange and the pink," you chuckle slightly, as the distant memory floods you. "But I saw the blue, this really soft blue, and as I looked at it a strange sense of serenity washed over me. As if, as long as I looked at that pastel blue, I’d be alright. And now…" You smile softly, your thumb delicately grazing his cheek, Now, I can just look at you. You are my blue."

Minho’s eyes glisten with unshed tears as he looks at you, mouth slightly hung agape. You giggle quietly, before patting his head gently. "Thank you for staying," you whisper, and a sudden smile breaks out on Minho’s face. It’s so radiant- as if every star in this galaxy was ground to fine dust and then sprinkled into it. You can’t admire it for long since Minho crashes his mouth on top of yours, drawing you in for a kiss that leaves you breathless afterward.

"You know I had a really nice dream yesterday," he finally whispers against your lips, a newfound lightness in his voice. "I think this is the first time where my reality is much sweeter."

✹✹✹

The first time you felt loved, truly.

It’s a couple of days into August when Chan tells you that he has signed up with a producing agency- it’s a huge step for him, one he’s been rambling about each time you met him for the past few months. So now you’re over at his and Minho’s dorm, attempting to bake a congratulatory cake for Chan. It was Minho’s idea, one he mumbled into your ear nonchalantly, as if he didn’t wake up really early to scout all the ingredients you might need.

"Why is baking so much harder than cooking?" Minho whines, burying his head dramatically in the crook of your neck. You giggle, patting his back in faux sympathy.

"So, you're admitting you're not good at everything?" you tease and he straightens up instantly, brows furrowed as he looks at you.

"I didn't say I'm not good at it. I said it's harder than cooking," he drawls out and you hum in reply, a teasing "sure, sure" escaping your mouth.

"Do you know how to crack an egg with one hand? That's the cue that you're a great baker."

"Why would I when I have two hands?" you chuckle and he smiles cheekily, raising his eyebrows at you. "Well, I can do it."

"Fine," you huff, grabbing an egg onto your hand. "Teach me?" you smile sweetly and he grins satisfied, "Of course."

"Here, you just need to crack the egg gently into the side of the bowl. And then lodge your finger inside, slowly pulling the shell apart. Like this," he demonstrates and you nod in understanding.

"Your turn," he smiles and you follow his instructions, tongue poking against your cheek in utmost concentration.  

"Min look! I did it" You grin widely, turning around to show him the egg now dropped into the bowl.

"You did! I’m proud of you," he smiles, placing a tender kiss on your temple. You pause, the egg’s shell still tightly clutched in your hand. You didn’t drop it into the bowl, and someone’s proud of you for it.

 It’s late into the night, and your stomach is aching from laughing for hours on end. Your plates of cake are on the ground, with only crumbs left on top of it. Minho invited two of Chan’s closest friends over- Felix and Han, so now you’re all playing rounds of Uno, and the poor freckled boy is losing each time.

"This isn’t fair," Felix whines, before stealing a bite of the leftover cake on the table. "This is really good by the way," he compliments and you giggle, turning around to point at Minho, only to find him already looking at you, a soft smile on his face.

"It’s all him," you say, and Chan gets his face impossibly close to your boyfriend’s, a teasing smile on his face. "You love me so much."

"I don’t. Get back," Minho pushes his face away, but you can tell he’s lying, from the fond smile threatening to spill over his mouth.

"Sure," Chan sing-songs, before turning to look at you. You wink at him and he ruffles your hair affectionately, as he always does when he wants to tease you. "Thank you for the cake, yn."

"You’re welcome," you grin as an unfamiliar warmth spread through your chest. Is this how it feels to have a family? People you care for and who care about you in return?

Minho notices the sudden bittersweet expression etched on your face, so he grabs your pinky in his hand, squeezing it slightly. You turn your palm around, before blindly intertwining your fingers with his- something you’ve gotten much better at lately.

"We’ll get going," Han announces when it’s nearly midnight, as he and Felix both get up from the floor. "Sure you don’t want to come to the party?" Chan asks, eyes trained on you and Minho.

"Yeah, we’ll stay the night."

You stand up as well, following Chan to the door and stopping him before he leaves. "You don’t mind me staying the night, right? It’s your dorm too, so I should ask."

"Of course not. You can come over whenever, even if Minho isn’t here. You don’t ever have to ask me, okay?"

"Okay, thank you, Chan," you beam at him, relief coursing through you at his words.

Soon enough, the dorm is silent, and it’s only you and Minho once again. You go to clean up but Minho pulls you by your hand, ushering you toward his bedroom. "Let's leave it to tomorrow," he says, and his voice sounds like warm candle wax dripping down on you. You can’t say no.

You find that he’s already prepared a pair of pajamas for you, spread out nicely on the bed- his grey shirt and a pair of shorts he has apparently overgrown.

"You'll find a box there, under the sink, it’s for you," he announces, as you walk into the bathroom to change. It’s filled with anything you might ever need, tissues and makeup removal and pads and medicine, and your cherry shampoo.

"When did you prepare this?" you ask as you open the door wide for him. He peeks his head inside, eyes softening when they take a glimpse at your figure - wearing his shirt, in his bathroom.

"A month ago, or so. Just in case you ever needed to stay the night." He's so thoughtful, you're starting to believe that the word was molded after him. "Is it enough? do you need something else?" he asks tentatively and you shake your head, squeezing his hand lightly. "It's perfect. Thank you."

"Of course. let's brush our teeth?" he smiles and you nod, grabbing the blue toothbrush he bought for you. He squeezes some toothpaste into it, and your eyes meet in the mirror. You can feel a blush creep up your face, to match the tip of his ears turning pink. It felt innocent to blush at the mere act of brushing your teeth together- at the domesticity of it, and the future hopes that lay within it.  

Minho washes his face with his cleanser and you do the same. He suddenly hoists you up the bathroom counter, before standing between your legs. his arms cage your body, as his doe brown eyes look up at you. "Do my skincare for me," he pouts and you giggle, diligently taking the moisturizer and applying it to his face.

You take your time, massaging it into his skin, rubbing soothing circles on his cheeks and the tender skin under his eye. His eyes close at your touch, body leaning forward and pressing onto your legs. You grab his lip balm, applying it evenly to his puckered lips, and then you kiss him. Softly, tenderly, hands going up and down his arms. His own find your waist, encircling it, thumbs skimming your sides.

You lean away, a giddy smile on your face. "Thank you for the lip balm," you say, before kissing the tip of his nose.

Minho's room smells like clean laundry and vanilla, courtesy of the candle he lit up. You've been here before, but this is your first time sleeping on his bed. He goes in first, before beckoning you in. You lay down on his silky pillow, your hair fanning all around you. Some strands of it go into your mouth, and you giggle faintly as you pull them away.

"Here," he says, leaning over your body and opening the drawer next to you. He takes out a hair tie, and a faint memory dances around in your mind- you tying up his hair at the convenience store near Limbo.

"You kept it?" you question incredulously, voice coming out in a faint whisper.

"I did," he says simply as if it's ridiculous for you to expect otherwise. "Can I tie it up for you?" he asks and you nod.

His fingers gather your hair, making sure no strands of it are escaping. They're magical, relieving every tension you have in your body. You feel him twisting the tie around, securing your hair in a low ponytail.

"All done." his voice is quiet, and so is the kiss he presses onto your shoulder.

You both lay down, facing each other. It's silent but it no longer scares you. Not when your fingers are grazing Minho's palm, tentatively, the way one dips their toes into the water to test its temperature. Your hands are dancing around one another, not yet holding each other, as if engaged in a dance only your body understands. His eyes are locked on yours- a brown shade so mesmerizing you wish you could paint the entire universe with it.

His gaze is always soft when it comes to you, pupils slightly dilated, eyelashes fluttering with each blink. They're so quick you almost can't catch them, as if he unconsciously wants the time in which he looks at you to last longer.

Minho's hand reaches behind you, before pulling the slipping comforter over your body. He tucks it in your sides, and warmth surrounds you everywhere; from him mainly. He's been so attentive to you tonight- a silent care you only truly appreciate when you've experienced a lack of it. It's as if he's pouring years' worth of missed love back into your life, and in return all the love you've held within, never bestowed upon anyone else, has found its sole destination in the man by your side.

Your hand circles his once again, and you watch intently the way your fingers graze one another, delicately, as if skimming on the edge of holding one another. You give in first, intertwining your fingers with Minho’s and squeezing them gently. They fit his perfectly, this is where they're supposed to be.

"I don't know what you’re doing to me," he whispers, his eyes locking onto yours once more. There is a newfound emotion gleaming in his gaze- incredulity, at the depth of his feelings.

"What do you mean?" you question, nuzzling closer to him. Your head finds its rest on his arm and he responds instantly by patting your hair.

"I want to keep buying toothbrushes for you." His voice is hushed and yet it resounds loudly within your being, as if shouted from a sky-high rooftop.

You exhale softly, curling your hand around the back of his neck, and pulling him down gently to your face. You press your lips on top of his, and they move slowly, deliberately, like a painter's careful strokes. Each touch of his lips against yours is there to make you feel something- things that he can't bring himself to say, so he shows.

You finally break apart, dazed from the raw emotions barging into your heart. You then lift your head slightly, planting a tender kiss on his forehead. Minho closes his eyes, as your lips linger in there far longer than necessary. They remain closed even after you pull away, and it is the look on his face that pushes you over the edge. The serenity painted across his features, but particularly, the trust. As if you could mold him however you want and he'd be grateful you ever touched him to begin with.

"I love you," you confess so suddenly, and the words feel foreign yet familiar as they stumble out of your lips. You expect a shift in the universe, a disastrous change as you verbalize this sentiment that's long haunted you. And yet, all that happens is Minho's eyes shimmering as they look at you. And you realize that you aren’t scared he'd twist the words and stab you with them. You know he'd cherish them, even if he didn't feel the same.

"I love you," he says back, a radiant smile lighting up his face, coloring each of his features in unadulterated happiness. Hearing those three words from him made your heart leap in your chest. There is so much more of what you feel that you wish to express. You’ve told him, but you want to show, to press your body to his so the feeling would emit from your heart to his own.

Your hand trails across his chest, and you feel his muscles constrict under your touch. "Can I?" you ask, gazes flickering between his eyes and the hem of his shirt. It's always about permission to you both- permission to touch, to feel, to kiss and the answer is always yes. Yes, yes, yes.

"Please," he whispers, and you tug his shirt quickly over his head. You are a goner after that when his hands caress your skin like you're delicate porcelain. He’s hovering over you, the candle's shadow dancing across his body. Your fingers are tracing every inch of his skin graced by the flickering light, which meant your hands were everywhere, and every touch of yours was mirrored by him. Every kiss he returned ten times fold, every gasp he drank in hungrily, only eliciting a louder one in return.

"Tell me if you’d like to stop," he smiled tenderly down at you, his nose nuzzling against yours. You never felt the need to. And as the night marched forward, you gradually grasped what the poets meant by ‘making love’. You felt as if you were truly making love, as if your every move conjured love in its purest essence between the two of you. The ebb and flow of your bodies served as a spell, heightening your emotions into a raw fervor. It was love that orchestrated your moves, binding you both in a cacophony of sweet sounds, meant for you only to hear.

Minho's gaze remained fixed on yours, as he uncovered parts of you you've never dared to show anyone. It only cemented every feeling you harbored towards him. And the safety. The safety of being in his arms. To be as bare as one could possibly be, and yet to still feel blanketed by his soft eyes on you. 

✹✹✹

Dainty snowflakes coat the outside world in a pristine white blanket. It’s a mesmerizing view, one you’ve grown to be grateful for these past few weeks since it signaled the return of winter, and with it, Minho’s birthday.

It's hard to resent snow when it welcomes the existence of the person you’ve fallen in love with.

The outside might be cold but you wouldn't know, not when you are nestled close to Minho, his legs thrown over your lap. You stare fondly at his figure, too engrossed in eating the birthday cake you’ve prepared for him- a vibrant green frosting and a picture of his three cats printed on top, just like he requested some time ago. You lean in a bit, wiping away a trace of whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. He smiles at you tenderly, angling his head to press a soft kiss on your thumb pad.

There is a growing lump in Minho's throat, but it doesn't suffocate him, since it's formed by your love for him- you remembered what he said about the birthday cake. He was joking, obviously. But the fact that you brought his ridiculous wish to reality warmed him beyond belief.

You rummage a bit in your place, hands tucked under the pillows, and then you take out a purple envelope. "Open it," you say as you place it on top of his lap. Minho puts his plate down, straightening out in his place before looking at you, a curious smile on his face.

"More surprises?" he asks, referring to the gift you’ve already given him- a pair of t-shirts, all with cats and silly scriptures imprinted on them.

"Mm," you hum, as Minho finally opens the envelope. He pauses, as his eyes rack furiously over the content of the letter. "What's this?" he asks dumbfounded, trying to fully grasp the meaning of what he's reading.

"Because of constellations, people often think that stars always live together in a cluster. But oftentimes, they are alone. Or... if they're lucky enough, they get to roam the universe with a partner. They call them a binary star. Like you and me." Emotion simmers beneath your words, and you continue, your voice a gentle undercurrent.

"It's comforting to know that other versions of us are going through this world side by side too. To know that long after we're gone, there would still be two stars discovering the universe together, orbiting around one another. A token of the love we lived." You lift your gaze to meet his, to find him staring in awe at you. You take a mental picture of this moment, adding it to the collection of the ones you already captured of him.

"Our love may not be revolutionary, we're only two humans out of billions that have adored before us. But our love is grand to me. I try..." you bite your lip, reaching out for his hand- it will guide you as you try to speak. "I always try to find the words to describe how much you mean to me, to tell you how much you do to me. I used to always hold my hand out, in the hopes that someone would grab it. But no one did, so I curled it into a tight fist. And I thought it'd stay this way, for the rest of my life. Until you came, and you unclenched my fingers gently, one at a time, and then you grabbed it into yours." Tears are trailing out of your eyes now, but you show no effort to wipe them. Happy tears shouldn't be swept away.

"Thank you for existing, my Minho," you smile softly at him, and he nods, tears brimming in his waterline, cheeks flushed pink at your words. "Thank you for kissing my finger pads and reminding me that there is still softness in this world, all embodied in you." You cradle his cheeks tenderly in your hands, trying your best to let your love seep through your fingertips into his soul.

"I think you've carved yourself into me, carved your name into my heart. Your roots intertwined with mine, and thanks to you, I managed to crack through the hard earth and bloom again. Thank you for making me feel the warm sun again. I was so so cold before you." You whisper the last part, like a sinner's confession, eager for it to be carried away, forgotten.

Minho brings your body to his, as he buries his face in your chest. You can feel slight tremors shaking his body, and you place soft kisses on his shoulder blade- soothing, calming. You are safe in my love for you, they spell out.

"I can't believe you’ve named stars after us," he mumbles against you, and your fingers thread through his hair gently, flattening out stubborn strands of it. "It's nothing," you smile and he shakes his head vehemently. "It's not- it's not nothing to be loved by you. It's everything to me."

He leans away, bringing your head down to press his lips into yours. It tastes sweet from the cake and salty from his tears. It tastes like healing. You both kiss for mere seconds and yet it feels like an eternity to you. As if your mind stretches out time with Minho, knowing how valuable it becomes with him. He presses his lips onto yours one last time, before exhaling softly, melting completely in your hold.

"As long as you're with me, I don't ever need to look at the sky," he whispers. "There are enough stars in your eyes for me."

✹✹✹

It’s late December and the fragrant aroma of hot chocolate fills your apartment. You’re preparing two cups of the cozy drink in your kitchen, while Minho watches you fondly, leaning casually on the doorway.

"Are you just gonna stare at me?" you giggle, turning around to toss him a sly smile.

"Do you need my help making hot chocolate?" he raises an eyebrow, a mischievous smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Yes, I wouldn't say no to a bit of emotional support."

"Ah, my bad," he playfully bows, walking over to you. Minho gently wraps his arms around your waist, leaning his chin on your shoulder. His bangs tickle the side of your face, akin to the brush of a butterfly’s wing, and a soothing sense of contentment washes over you as he holds you close.

Minho places a soft kiss on your shoulder blade, and the touch sends shivers along your spine. "This is for warming up the milk," he mumbles, adding another kiss to your neck, "and this for mixing in the hot chocolate powder," and a final one to your temple, "and this is for pouring it in cups."

"Why thank you," you giggle, turning around to hand him his cup. "Do you remember what episode we stopped at?"

"37," he replies instantly.

"I think you love this anime more than me," you pout jokingly. "I plead the fifth," he answers solemnly and you chuckle as you both make your way to the couch.

Merely one episode in and you can already tell that Minho is no longer focusing on the show. He’s absently swirling the drink in his hand, his gaze lost within his cup.

"What did the poor hot chocolate do to you?" you smile, a beacon of curiosity piercing through his daze. His head snaps up at the sound of your voice, turning around to look at you sheepishly. "Just zoned out."

"I noticed. What's on your mind?" you ask, lowering the volume of the TV to fully focus on him.

"There is an upcoming dance competition. It's at a regional scale and I'm just... wondering if I should participate."

"You should!" you fervently reply, "You're such a talented dancer. You deserve recognition for your hard work."

"I'll become very busy, though. It's already hard enough to manage this degree," he speaks softly as if he's not fully convinced of this excuse himself.

"I've never seen you as happy as you are when you're dancing. You'll handle it, and I'll be there for you too."

"I should do it, right?" he asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You really should," you echo, your hand rubbing reassuringly across his arm.

"Okay. I will," he nods, and you beam at him, before pulling him in for a comforting hug.

"On second thought... Everyone will now see how talented my boyfriend is and they will fall in love with you," you playfully muse as you hold him close.

"But everyone's already in love with me," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Mm, the heartthrob of campus."

"People throw themselves right and left at me, it's exhausting," he sighs, the giddy smile easily heard in his voice.

"Okay, now you're overdoing it," you giggle and he further buries his head in your neck, inhaling the scent of your perfume. "Don't worry," he mumbles quietly, "I'm only ever yours."

As weeks meld into months, your days become a whirlwind of preparation for the dance competition; where each participant is required to create a choreography from scratch, for a song of their choosing. You witness firsthand the immense effort Minho pours into this, just as he does with everything he undertakes. He spent hours upon hours in the university's dance studio, and you were often there with him. While he practiced, you sat in a corner, working on your laptop. He only paused to kiss the top of your head before diving back into his practice.

He chose a song you've never heard before, called Taste. It was mesmerizing to witness him become a vessel for the melody, like an instrument attuned perfectly to the emotions the song tried to convey. His body moved sensually, flowing like fluid water, perfectly controlled by him. Every beat in Taste was matched with a move of his, powerful enough to capture you, gentle enough not to overwhelm you, like the ebb and flow of the waves brushing against the shore.

The first two months slipped through the hourglass of time in a breeze. And although Minho grew busier, you still both managed to carve out time for quick dates. Strolls by the ocean and spontaneous trips to the cinema- outings that helped you recharge fully once again. But the third month coincided with your midterm exams, casting a heavier cloud over both of your lives.

Minho became overwhelmed, quickly, bearing the weight of his two worlds. He was smart, immensely so, he could handle his classes with ease, retaining knowledge faster than anyone you knew. But the day only had twenty-four hours in it, and he couldn't possibly do it all- finding time to practice, study and take care of himself. So, you tried to handle the last part, as best as you could anyways. Exam seasons always took a heavy toll on you- both physically and emotionally. It also didn't help that you went down with a strong flu for two weeks, making your energy levels plummet to zero.

It was only three days before the start of your exams when a soft knock resounded on your door. You opened it to find an exhausted Minho. He’s fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, beads of sweat glistening on his upper brow.

"I'm tired," he whispers, eyes looking absolutely devoid of emotion as they align with yours. You smile softly, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside, "I know."

You lead him to the bathroom and he follows silently. He's so compliant in your hands as if all the energy in his body was sucked out of him. "Bad day?" you ask, as you peel away his blue hoodie.

"Very." He says, voice barely above a whisper.

"It's okay. You're here now," you try to keep your voice just as quiet as you take off the rest of his clothes. You undress quickly as well, before pulling you both to the shower.

Minho rests his forehead on your back, as you check the water temperature. When it's warm enough to feel soothing on his skin, you pull him underneath the jet, and you both stand in there for a while. His head hung low, now buried in the crook of your neck; his breaths growing slower, more even.

"You did well, my Minho," you say, voice threatening to get lost in the sound of the water hitting the tiles, but Minho catches it. He tightens his hold on you in response.

Minho can feel you reaching over and grabbing something from the rack behind him. He recognizes the smell of your shampoo as you pour it in your hands, before lathering it gently on his hair. He almost starts crying right there and then, as your fingers skillfully massage his scalp. You are everywhere, pressed to his body and your hands in his hair, and your cherry scent that’s washing all over him. And the outside world suddenly seems so far away.

You rinse off the shampoo, before grabbing your conditioner and threading it through his hair, making sure that every strand is evenly covered. He shuts his eyes closed, as your hands move to his neck and start massaging it. He's so sore from all the dancing, tired from the studying he has to catch up on. But you’re making him feel okay now, as you unravel his nerves without uttering a word. How do you do it? He wants to ask; how do you always paint his world blue?

Your hands are trailing over his body now, not sensually, just easing the knots in his muscles. You're spreading body wash all over him, and his eyes are still closed, as he feels you place tender kisses on his soapy skin. ‘I love you', your voice reaches him like a faraway lullaby, 'you've been working so hard', 'I'm proud of you'; and your comforting words morph into hot tears lodged into his waterline, begging for an escape.

You finally turn the water off, before pulling him outside and wrapping a towel around his waist. He sits idly on the edge of the bed, as you quickly put on your clothes, before walking over to him. You help him wear his pajamas, the ones he's left in your apartment since he often stays the night. He can't move a limb, but you're doing it in his place- as if the life in you was blown into him, and he's only breathing thanks to you.

Once you’re both fully clothed, you sit behind Minho on the bed, legs on either side of his body. You grab a towel you warmed in advance and begin to gently dry his hair with it, patting each strand with care. As soon as you're done, Minho turns around, nestling his head against your stomach. You let him, hands rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"I already told you, but I'm very proud of you," you say, head lowered so he'd be able to hear you. "I'm so amazed by your strength and hard work. You inspire me a lot, Min. Just keep on going, and if you need a break, you can rest by my side, okay?" You place a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

"I love you," you add softly, and Minho tightens his hold on you. And then he crumbles. Completely.

He falls apart in your arms, painful sobs racking through his body. You panic, as the unfamiliar sounds knock your breath away. You've seen Minho cry before, single tears that managed to escape from his eyes, trailing on his cheeks. But you've never seen him so shattered, so consumed by his pain that he could no longer contain it. You’re caught in his storm, as uncharted waves of his hurt crash against your shores. Has he been hurting all along? Were you this oblivious to the pain brewing inside him?

Your body’s shaking as you press your chest to his back, your arms cocooning his curled-up figure. You try your best to shield him; you don't know from what exactly, but you know it has to go through you first to get to him again.

"I'm so- sorry you have to see me this way," he hiccups, his words digging their claws deeper into your chest.

"Don't say that, baby, please. It's okay, you can cry as much as you want. I'm here."

"I'm sorry," he repeats, voice quivering, and you can feel your heart slowly cracking, hurting in depths you haven't thought existed before.

"Minho, I don't- I don't only love you when you're happy. I love you when you're angry and frustrated and when you're sad. You deserve kindness and you deserve to be kind to yourself because you are still Minho. My Minho. No matter what emotion you're feeling."

"Please stay with me," he pleads softly, and you bite your lower lip, as traitorous tears escape your eyes and land on his shirt. "Where would I go, love? You're my home. I'm here."  

✹✹✹

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish. 

The thought that's been reverberating within your mind, echoing since the moment Minho crumbled in your embrace.

Selfish. 

Of course you are, since you remained oblivious to his own struggles as he slowly chipped away, until he shattered unexpectedly. Akin to a seemingly sturdy building, struck by a minor vibration and suddenly reduced to ruins.

Selfish. 

Each time you sought solace in him, you failed to realize that he was stripping away his layers to shelter you. You took and took from him, each time you called, each time he came over to brush away your tears. Your endless bad days didn't leave room for his struggles, unperceived amidst your turmoil.

Selfish and horrible. You weren't made to be loved. 

Minho is sleeping right next to you. He looks peaceful, endearing bunny-like teeth peeking through slightly parted lips. He's undisturbed, like a placid river, until someone selfishly decides to skip some stones in it- you. 

His chest rises and falls, erasing all remnants of his previous breakdown, like a scripture on sand washed away by the waves. You could almost forget it ever happened if it wasn't for the persistent echoes of his sobs. Raw pain had seeped through him, yet it could have been different. If you had asked more, he might have unraveled slowly. He would have talked and he would've never had to explode. 

Selfish and guilty. There's a bitter taste in your mouth. It doesn't go away when you hastily gulp down water.

You'll keep your problems to yourself. There is enough for him to bear already. By sharing your load, you aren't diminishing it, only adding more to his. 

You can't let your mother be right. Not about this. Not when it comes to Minho. You can't ruin his life too. 

✹✹✹

You are being distant. 

Minho notices it straight away when you stop coming over to his dorm. When you find excuses to not come to Limbo anymore, accounting it for the exams you're both taking. But he knows it's just excuses. You are straying away from him. Your light that shone on him every day suddenly turned into a distant lighthouse beam. 

And it's his fault. 

He's embarrassed by his outburst. How he broke down right in front of you. How he clung to your arms, counting on your words and touch to stitch him back together. How he wasn't enough for himself, but you were. 

Guilt floods his being, making you sadder when you're already dealing with so much. He recounts your tears dripping into his hair, as you hugged him tightly to your body. He made you cry; he shouldn't have broken down. That's why you're staying away. He can't blame you. 

He misses you. He saw you this morning and yet he misses you. Because you weren't there with him, you were somewhere else, in a faraway place in your mind. What if he can't reach you anymore? He wasn't sure what to do with himself without you. 

It's 11 pm, and he's knocking softly on your door. You open it and he smiles tightly. You smile back. 

He hovers around the entrance of your apartment, hands tightly clasped behind his back. You unclasp them, interlocking your fingers with his and leading him to your couch. You are warm, he missed you. You are here and he misses you. 

You both sit down, and you're looking at him curiously. His eyes fall to your lips, pillowy and rosy and he can't help pressing his mouth onto yours. It'll give him the courage to speak. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers against your lips and you lean away, confusion clearly written across your features. 

"For crying the other day," he clarifies. "I've made you uncomfortable and you feel like you have to be cautious around me, and I'm sorry, I won't do it again." 

"What are you saying? You didn't- you never..." you suck in a deep breath, inching closer to him.  "Minho, don't ever apologize for that. please. You should never apologize for being human."

"But you are being distant," he says in a small voice, avoiding your eyes. 

"Minho, I..." you bring your hand to his cheek, locking your gaze with his. "It's not what you think. I promise."

"Then what is it?"

You bite your lip, sighing loudly before speaking again. "You sobbed. And I had no idea you were hurting that much inside. I am so reclined on myself that I didn't notice. And I tried to distance myself so I'd sort my thoughts out. So, I could be there for you, fully. You're always here for me, and I feel... As if I failed you." 

It's now his turn to cup your cheek, his thumbs gently brushing against your skin. 

"I felt so loved by you that day. That's why I cried. because I've never felt that way before," he's quick to explain. "Yes, I was stressed and overwhelmed but it's not your fault. You were there for me when I needed you most. You didn't fail me; how could you think that?" 

"Because it should've never gotten that bad. If I had noticed before, then I would've helped you and it wouldn't have gotten that bad for you. You don't deserve to feel sad, not when you’re... You. Someone like you shouldn't feel sad." 

"Didn't you say we're humans? Isn't that what humans do? They fall down and they get up, I can't always be fine. It's not your fault." 

"Minho you don't understand... How much more of yourself can you give to me, without hurting yourself in return?" You're so sure of these words you're uttering, as if you've drilled them into your mind by now. You couldn't be more wrong. 

Minho blinks repeatedly, trying to gather the words in his mind properly. You weren't distancing yourself from him, because he had hurt you. But rather, so you wouldn't hurt him anymore. So, you'd be there for him more. A sudden relief floods his being. He isn't losing you. 

Minho can't help the chuckle that escapes his mouth. He shakes his head slightly as he brings you to his chest. You're so warm as you wrap your arms around his waist. He still misses you but you're here, you aren't going anywhere. 

"You memorized my coffee order. And my favorite pudding. You always bring me one when you come over. When you find a new flavor, I haven't tried, you always buy it for me. You look at me so excitedly when I try it. As if me finding a new favorite pudding brings your personal joy," he's talking softly, slowly, in the hopes that you'd understand what he means. 

"You love spicy food, but you always cook without it when I'm with you. Because I can't handle it as well as you. You put snacks and water in my bag when I have dance practice, and then you come to check on me, even when you're busy too. You bought me an umbrella, and you placed it near the entrance of my dorm, so I wouldn't forget it. You give me the opened chopsticks package first, and you blow on my food so it wouldn't burn my tongue. And you let me pick the movie, every time. You let me pick it," he places a soft kiss on your shoulder, tightening his hold on you. 

"You brush my hair away from my eyes when you think I'm asleep. And you make sure the blanket covers my body entirely, even if it means it doesn't cover you. I've never had that. Never had someone care for me this gently. Even when I'm not awake and I can't give them anything in return." 

He leans back, smiling softly at you. There is a new palpable emotion in the air- love, in its most unconditional form. It smells fragrant and sweet- like you and him. 

"I notice everything you do for me, every way in which you love me. You're here for me in more ways than you can ever imagine. And I love you. Please don't stray away from me. Promise me," he pouts slightly, nudging his pinky toward your face. You giggle in defeat, before wrapping your pinky with his. 

"Didn't you think pinky promises were silly?" 

"Nothing you like is silly."

"Not even that cheesy drama I watch?" 

"Okay. Maybe that one is. But it makes you laugh," he trails off. "If it makes you laugh then I like it too." 

"You'll talk to me more, right? About whatever's bothering you? When you're not feeling black yet?" 

"I will, I promise. You too, right?"

"Mm. I will too." 

"Good," he smiles, pecking your cheek softly. "I've missed you. And I don't mind feeling all the colors of the rainbow, as long as you're near me."

✹✹✹

The voices of your friends singing you happy birthday reaches you like the distant chirping of birds, fading away in the back of your mind with each passing second. You know that Mina is smiling at you, her head resting on Jeongin’s shoulders. And that Chan, Han and Felix are all clapping excitedly, their voices blending together in a somewhat harmonious melody. But you can’t seem to focus on any of it. Your eyes are set on Minho, who’s walking over to you, a vibrant pink cake in his hand. The surface of it is covered in candy- marshmallows and macaroons, and a dozen of lit candles. Their light flickers on Minho’s face, casting an ethereal glow on him.

And as your widened eyes meet his, he knows that it all just clicked in place for you.

Four months ago.

"What did you like to do, when you were younger?"

You stay quiet for a few moments, mulling over Minho’s question. The waves crash softly at your feet, the sound of them and Minho’s arms around you serving as a perfect cover to thread through your childhood once again.

"I had a bunny plushie. My aunt gave it to me one day when her daughter didn't want it anymore. She was going to throw it out, but I took care of it. We took care of each other, in a way. I used to stay alone at home a lot, and Caramelo would keep me company."

"Caramelo?" he giggles and you pinch his arm playfully. "I was six when I named it, sue me."

"Mm, and where is Caramelo now?"

"I left it in the house. I packed in such a hurry and it didn't fit in my suitcase. But I really wanted to bring it," you smile sadly and Minho can sense a shift in your tone, so he trails his hands across your arms gently, pulling you even closer to his chest.

"What else did you like?" he asks, placing a kiss under the shell of your ear.

"Playing in the playground, there was one really near home. I'd sneak out and go play in the swing, but there was no one to push me higher there," you chuckle slightly, burying yourself further in Minho's embrace. 

"Oh, but I met a girl there when I was eleven, Lydia, I think. She was our neighbor, and she invited me to my first ever birthday party. Her parents prepared this huge cake for her, it was all pink with so much candy on top. I kept dreaming about having a similar one for my birthday. We also painted each other's nails and put on facemasks, and then we watched a movie. It was really fun," you recall, a wave of nostalgia washing over you. You were really shy and didn't talk to the other girls present, staying away in a corner. But Lydia grabbed your hand and pulled you next to her. She didn't let go during the entire movie.

You hoped she was okay, wherever she might be now.

"And... my mom took me one day to a hill near our home. We sat on a bench there, overlooking the city's lights. We didn't talk but she braided my hair since it kept getting in my mouth. That's my favorite memory with her."

Your voice is carried away with the wind, drowned in the waves. You hoped that one day your childhood memories will come back to you, like the sea foam dissolving at your feet. Gentle, incapable of hurting you anymore. 

"You know what I really want now? A big cake for my birthday too," Minho suddenly whines and you giggle, turning around to look at him.

"Want me to bake it for you?" you tease and he nods, cradling your face between his cold hands. They warm up once they rest on your cheeks.

"Yes. I want the cats’ pictures printed on it, and..." he trails off, looking up at the sky. "I want it to be green.”

"Green?" you chuckle. "Isn't that a bit weird for a cake?"

"Are you questioning my vision?" he wiggles his brows at you, his hands coming to your sides.

"I am," you laugh, as he starts to tickle you, unwaveringly. You fall to the sand, and he's on top of you, hands roaming your body as loud laughter erupts from you.

Minho’s eyes soften as he gazes at your laughing figure, but he doesn't stop, not until you tap his arm multiple times, happy tears trailing from your eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Green is perfect, you are a genius!"

"Why thank you," he smiles, before leaning down and kissing your tears away. You shiver slightly, from the cold and the feel of his soft lips on your skin. He notices.

"Come on," he outstretches his hand and you grab it, standing up and dusting your pants. Minho squats slightly in front of you, and you giggle before climbing on top of his back.

"Don't you ever wonder who was the person who invented tickling? They were just sitting down and then they touched someone and they started laughing,” he suddenly muses.

"Right! And then they decided this was something they should keep on doing, and it stuck around for centuries."

"I think it's really cute. It says I love the sound of your laugh so much that I will sit there and tickle you just to hear it."

"And you just tickled me," you trail out. "I know," he mumbles, the tips of his ears suddenly turning pink.

"I like your laugh too, Minho."

"Just like?" He teases, in a futile attempt to diffuse his shyness. 

"I love it. I love it so much I could pay my entire life savings just to keep on hearing it again."

"Stop," he whines and you giggle, swinging your dangling feet in the air.

"Have you ever heard your laugh? No other melody can compare. At this point, musicians should just retire."

"You're insufferable," he finally laughs and you sigh, melting into his back.

"And you like me."

"And I love you."

Present time

The realization dawns on you like a floodgate- Minho is recreating your happiest childhood memories.

From the pink cake of your dreams. To the obnoxiously glittery nail polish he brought home three days ago, spontaneously, you foolishly assumed. He insisted on having a pampering night, where you both applied face masks to one another, bunny headbands tucking your hair out of your face. You giggled as he painted your nails with the utmost concentration, and then begged you to paint his in return. He didn't explain why he wanted pink nails suddenly, you should've known. 

You should've known when he suddenly knocked on your door at midnight, taking your sleepy figure to the playground near your apartment. "Why are you here so late?" you questioned, rubbing your eyes tiredly. 

"We are sneaking out," he whispered in your ear, and you didn't question his flawed logic- who were you sneaking out from exactly? But all was forgotten as he pushed you in the swing, fueled by your growing high-pitched giggles. "Higher?" he shouted and you laughed loudly, the sound of it echoing around the park. "Yes, higher!" Until you felt as if you were close enough to touching the stars. 

You should've known. 

Minho places the cake on the table, his warm hand finding your lower back. He rubs it soothingly, as you mouth a heartfelt "thank you" to him, hot tears prickling at the corner of your eyes. You couldn't speak, afraid of bursting into sobs in front of all your friends. He understands what you're referring to.

It's far later into the night when your friends finally leave Minho's dorm. You've all cleaned up the place, soft music emitting from the speakers. You didn't need songs to fill the silence, the conversations flowing easily between you all.

You gather all the gifts you've received and take them to Minho's room- a pair of shoes you've been raving about from Mina and Jeongin, and new headphones from Chan, Han, and Felix, since your old ones stopped working not too long ago.

"You're okay?" Minho asks, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.

"Better than ever," you beam at him, cupping Minho's neck and meeting his lips in a tender kiss. 

"I'm still not done," he smiles secretly, brushing his lips against yours once more, before pulling away. You watch, curious as he heads towards his closet and takes something out of it. Your eyes grow wide as they settle on the gift in his hands. You can feel your lip quivering as you walk hastily over to him. 

"Is this...?" you ask incredulously and he nods, a happy smile on his face. "Your Caramelo."

"How... When?" you stammer, as happy tears blur your vision, "How did you do it?"

"I have my ways," he smiles assuredly at you. "Do you like it? I'm sorry if I overstepped by bringing it to you," he adds softly, a hint of vulnerability in his words.

"No, Minho, this is the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I can't believe it- I... I don't even know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," he smiles, his hand rubbing your arm affectionately. "I figured this plushie should be in a loving home, with you. It helped you back then and now you're strong enough to help it in return."

There are overwhelming emotions that we can't quite express with words- like sorrow, sadness, or in your case, happiness. That's why touch was invented, you believe. As you pull Minho for a bone-crushing hug, Caramelo snug between your chests, you hope that he can feel everything you failed to express through words. That your soul will speak to him in a way your mouth couldn’t. 

"When you told me there is a friend of yours, who lived in my town. There was no friend, right?" you mumble into his neck.

"No, I just wanted to know your address," he whispers, arms tightening around your waist.

"Did you meet my mom?"

"Yes. She's the one who gave it to me."

"Did she tell you anything... about me?" you ask cautiously.

Minho remembers snippets of his conversation with your mother- the indifference she showed towards you, as if it wasn't her daughter, her flesh and blood that she discarded away so easily. 

"Nothing of importance. I promise you."

"Thank you," you whisper, voice caught up in your throat, bound by the ropes of your overflowing emotions. "Thank you for healing me."

Sleep didn’t come easily to you that night, and as Minho snored quietly next to you, you untangled your limbs from his, before heading to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. 

You find that the lights are already on and that Chan is working on his laptop, eyebrows furrowed as he gazed at his screen.

"Hey," you greet softly, careful not to startle him. 

"Our birthday girl," Chan grins and you chuckle quietly, before settling next to him on the couch. 

"What are you working on?" you question, taking in the different settings displayed on his screen.

"Just a new song," he shrugs sheepishly, "I'm almost done with it." 

"That's nice," you mumble, tucking your knees into your chest. 

"I suppose Minho already gave you your gift," Chan speaks softly and you startle, turning around to look at him. 

"He didn't tell me what it is, don't worry. But I assume he pretended as if it was no big deal, that he got it." 

You nod silently, fearing that speaking would stop Chan from talking. 

"I told him that he should just walk up to your house, present himself, and then ask your mom if he can take some of your stuff for you. But he said it’s too risky, and there is a chance she might say no. So, you know what he did?" Chan chuckles softly, and you feel the breath slowly escape your chest. "He spent weeks researching all the moving companies that work in your town. And then he bought us uniforms that looked like one of theirs. With the name tags and all. We rented a truck and we drove there, so we’d pretend as if we were moving the rest of your belongings. Your mom didn't question it thankfully, and I've never seen Minho as relieved as when he climbed back into the truck."

An overwhelming need to cry threatens to consume you, and you bite your lip harshly to stop it from taking over. Not in front of Chan.

"For him to go these lengths for you, means that he loves you a lot. But also, that he feels really loved by you. So, thank you, for loving Minho. I'm very happy you guys are together now." Chan smiles softly at you, before getting up and ruffling your hair slightly. 

You quickly go back to Minho's room, before bringing his body tightly to yours. And as soon as you touch him, he mumbles your name in his sleep before throwing an arm over your waist.

"Thank you for loving me. I love you so much too," you whisper into his back, as your tears dampen his shirt. You wished that the words would reach him in his dreams, making them sweeter for him.

You didn't make a wish that day, as you blew the candles, foolishly believing that everything you've ever wanted was already around you. But you should've.

Maybe that would've stopped the anguish to come.

✹✹✹

There is a bad feeling nudged into the space between your ribs. You rub a soothing palm across your chest, in the hopes that it will calm your spiking anxiety. But you only feel your heart growing more erratic in your chest, and the sound of it only makes you panic ten times fold.

You’ve just woken up. You can hear the water running in the shower. Minho has stayed over since you both studied late into the night. You listen intently, a small breath of relief escaping your mouth when the water turns off. He’s okay.

You drag a hand tiredly across your face, before shaking your head left and right. You’ll have a good day, you’ll open the blinds and the golden sun will stream through your windows, and you’ll feel okay.

You don’t.

The dread lingers in your being throughout the day, making the simple act of walking weigh heavily on your bones. You try to distract yourself, by focusing on your classes and listening to Mina’s rants about her latest date with Jeongin. But to no prevail. So, you surrender to that feeling, today’s a bad day, but tomorrow doesn’t have to be. You’ll make sure of it.

It’s five pm when you finally walk up the stairs of your apartment. Minho went to grab you both something to eat since you’ll be studying again tonight. You wish he’d come home quickly, so you wouldn’t attach your anxiety to him. As long as you see him, then he’s okay.

You open the door, pausing by the front entrance. Something in you tells you to flee, to turn back, and never set foot inside. You don’t listen to it. If you paid attention to everything your mind tells you then you’d never truly live.

You quickly change out of your clothes, before turning on the TV. You mindlessly scroll through the show suggestions, and settle on one you haven’t seen before. You turn up the volume, making sure that the voices of the characters would drown the ones in your mind.

But then, your phone rings. It vibrates from the coffee table, the name of your aunt illuminating your screen. She calls you from time to time, but why is she doing it today? You don’t want to answer, not when there is a bulge in your throat suffocating you.

You watch numbly as the phone call seizes. You breathe out a shaky exhale. You’ll call her tomorrow.

The phone rings again.

You bite your lip harshly, hands shaking as you bring the device to your ear. You’re overreacting, you tell yourself. Nothing’s wrong. Minho will be home soon.

"What’s going on?" you ask immediately, the question slipping out of your mouth before you even thought about it.

Your aunt sighs softly, and then her voice floods your being. It sounds hoarse like she’s been crying. "Look, I…" another sigh, and you imagine her fidgeting with the hem of her dress. She always wore dresses. All seasons mingled. With pretty flowers sewed into them and sometimes even-

"Your mother died in a car accident."

Silence. You can't hear anything after those words are uttered. You know that your TV is still playing in the background and that your aunt is still talking on the phone. But it's completely silent. For five seconds. Where the world stills, as if to allow you a brief moment to process what you just heard.

Your mom. Gone.

But then, sounds crash upon you like a relentless wave. The shatter of the characters in the background, the ticking of your clock, the dull buzz of the refrigerator. And your aunt, she's still talking, telling you about the funeral and when it will be held and you can't believe what you are hearing.

It's all too overwhelming, everything surrounding you is too much to bear so you simply hang up.

You put your phone down on the table. And then you turn it off. That's one sound dealt with.

You turn the TV off and dismantle the clock from your wall so it wouldn't tick anymore. You then unplug your refrigerator. Has its buzzing always been this loud? You wonder. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Now it’s silent. It's what you crave.

Minho will come home soon. You should make him something to eat. You think to yourself. A fruit salad. It's warm outside and the fruits are refreshing.

So, you grab a knife from your drawer, and then you start peeling an orange. Then an apple. It's rugged, and half the fruit is wasted with the peel. You've never really known how to peel the skin properly. So, you put the knife down. The blade is slightly red, you notice. There is blood oozing from your finger. You cut yourself. But it doesn't hurt, so you leave it be.

Light floods your apartment, a stark contrast to the shadows within you. But you want it to be dark, and silent. You already took care of that last part. So, you pull down all the blinds and turn off the lights one by one. Now it's pitch black. Now it's quiet.

You sit on the floor, running your hand across the tiles. You count them, one, two, three. When is Minho coming home?

The floor is cold underneath you, the sensation heightened since your every other sense is muffled. You can't see, you can't hear, but you can still touch. You wished you couldn't anymore. The smallest sensation overstimulates you.

The front door unlocks, but you don't hear someone coming in. You imagine Minho standing by the door, looking around in the dark. It's okay, he'll find you. He always does.

"Honey?" he calls out and you reply from the living room, "I’m here."

You don't have to yell, it's quiet enough for your voice to be carried around your home with ease.

Minho has his flashlight on, you notice. He's looking for you and he finally spots you on the ground. You move a strand of your hair behind your ear, and you feel something warm smear across your cheek. You forgot about your cut- a reminder of the pain lurking beneath the surface, waiting patiently to consume you.

"Baby?" His tone is soft and careful, and you can see the worry brewing in his brown eyes. Why was he worried? You're okay. Nothing happened.

"I made you a fruit salad. It's in the kitchen. Can you please turn off the light?"

"Okay." His voice is calm, and you don't mind him talking. You could bear it. He was different after all, to you.

He’s pulled into the abyss with you, as he sits down next to your rigid figure. His hand rests on top of your pinkie, but you recoil from it. Not because you hate it, but his hand is warm and the floor beneath you is cold. That's a contrasting sensation. You don't want that. You just want a stillness, to feel like a straight line. Straight lines are always sure of themselves, of where they're going. You were tired of feeling like a bent one at the hands of the universe.

"What happened, baby?"

"Nothing."

"Okay. What did you do when I left, hm?"

"Nothing much. I was watching this new show, I think you’ll like it. And then my aunt called. She told me my mom died in a car accident. And then I went to the kitchen and I cut up some fruits. But I didn't know how to peel them. Can you believe it?" you giggle, your voice suddenly high-pitched. "I mean who- who doesn’t know how to peel the skin of an apple? Isn't that such a basic skill?" You're laughing now, you don't know what's funny, but you're laughing.

"And I cut my finger, but I didn't feel anything, Minho. I don't- I don't feel anything," you're still giggling, hot tears trailing down your cheeks rapidly. "My mother died and I don't feel anything. Why- why can't I feel anything? Minho, I can't- I can't-" You're hyperventilating, words straining to come out of your mouth. The breath is knocked out of you and white spots cloud your vision, like the stars that dance around Minho’s eyes. They seem kind enough so you don't fight them. You want to welcome them in the hopes that they'd take this unbearable weight off of you.

"Yn, yn, breathe for me, baby. Listen to my voice," Minho calls out and it's as if you're pulled in two opposing directions. He sounds scared, so you try to do as he says. You don’t want him to worry about you.

"You're doing so well, breathe with me, okay? Breathe in... Breathe out... Perfect, let's do it again," he instructs and you try your best to follow suit. You can feel yourself shaking, your hands moving as if they have a mind of their own. You are cold, too cold, and you can't help but wonder if it's how your mother is feeling right now too.

The thought seems to drive you over the edge and you let out a guttural sob. It racks from within you, reverberating from the depths of your splitting soul. It's a pain unlike any you've ever felt. You try to find something to compare it to, a sensation you imagine must hurt the same. But you can't find any. You can't find a metaphor to make the pain more bearable.  

So instead, you let out a heart-wrenching scream, slicing through the silence you tried desperately to maintain. Your throat aches from the strain on your vocal cords but you pay it no mind, not when there is a pain bursting open every seam of yours, undoing every thread you so carefully stitched back into your soul.   

Amidst your pitch-black apartment, you see yourself quivering in the corner, head buried in your hands. And then it’s thirteen years old you sitting there, the one who wished for something so horrible to happen on the birthday she spent alone, yet again. Your wish came true, you want to tell her. You tried to take it back, but it came true.

Minho gathers you in his arms, and you clung to him. You know he's trying to wrap you up the best he can, his arms around your back and his legs pressed on you. He's trying his best to stop you from falling apart. From breaking beyond the point of no return. And you think to yourself that you've passed it. You've passed it and he's clinging helplessly into your remains now.

✹✹✹

The funeral went by in a blur, its details elusive in your memory. At times it felt like a fever dream, a mirage conjured by your mind. And sometimes you tried to believe it, to lull yourself into a comfortable thought. Where you don't talk with your mom and she doesn't know how you are doing, but she's still alive. On the other side of the country. She's still breathing.

But this fleeting comfort is quickly shattered. The thought barely lingers, like a whisper in the wind, never staying long enough for you to finally draw in a full breath. Because the grief clings onto your skin, and you carry it with you everywhere, like a stench that won’t quite leave you. You wonder if other people can smell it on you too.

Minho hasn't left your side, once. He's always next to you. His hands are resting on your back or brushing your cheek tenderly. They are always near. And you hold them tightly. You practically memorized the lines etched on his palm. It's all you stared at during the funeral.

It felt wrong and unjust to be somewhere where everybody knew your mother, except for you. You felt as if you were left out, robbed of happy memories to mourn as well. So, you remained silent, gaze fixed intently on Minho's palm. And he didn't mind; he never does when it comes to you.

He's gentle with you, he's always been, but he's particularly gentle with you these weeks. The countless times he's cared for you blur together- his soapy hands skimming your body, massaging the shampoo into your hair when your limbs felt too heavy to move; the meals he cooked for you, making sure that each bite was cool enough before feeding it to you. How he always told you he was proud of you, at random times throughout your days. ‘What for?’ you wanted to scream, ‘I'm barely alive as it is’. "For breathing," he'd add as if he heard the thoughts swirling in your mind. "For being here. For waking up today." 

He did your laundry and he folded your clothes. Sometimes he even picked your outfits and dressed you in the morning. Leaving pecks all over your face after each worn clothing. You wanted to smile, to tell him how much you loved him. How his love felt like a sun ray peeking through the cell hole of a prisoner. But you couldn't speak. So, you hoped he knew.

He unburdened you of all these mundane tasks, so you'd focus on other ones. Like attending classes and taking notes and writing essays. Because as much as you wished for it, the world did not pause for your sorrow. In the grand tapestry of existence, where did you stand exactly? You were nothing but a mere speck of light. Your emotions, as profound as they were to you, did not hold the power to halt the world's march, to compel universal mourning.

But Minho made your world stop, just like he promised, almost a year and a half ago. When you finally found your voice, he'd listen to you talk, your head on his lap, his fingers weaving through your hair gently.

"I feel like I’m mourning two people. The person I knew and the person she could have been," you told him one night and he hummed, listening intently to you.

"The what-ifs are killing me Minho. It feels like I’m suffocating each time I think of what could have been. She left so suddenly. But she should've stayed. Maybe our relationship would've gotten better."

"Maybe… or maybe not, you can never truly know. And it’s not your job to find the answers to the questions she left behind. Maybe she didn’t even have them herself."

You appreciated how his hand never left yours, as you journeyed through seas of uncharted emotions. The anger- that came with her leaving so abruptly, leaving you behind with a heavy baggage to dissect. The sadness- from losing the woman who will always be part of you. Because we don't kill our hopeful past selves, we simply bury them and they remain just under the surface of our souls, a testament to everything we've been through.

The nostalgia- that creeps in from time to time, conjuring rose-tinted memories in your head. Maybe her voice was softer here. She did ask about your day one time. Wasn't that her sitting on the benches in your musical play? But it wasn't, it was just your brain trying to soften the harshness of losing her.

It is how our minds cope with grief, your therapist says. Minho convinced you to go see one. Because love doesn't mend everything. And he needed you to be okay again, for yourself.

He's always waiting for you after your sessions end. With coffee and a fresh pastry. You didn't eat them at first, because they tasted bland and you'd rather not waste them. But one time you bit into the strawberry muffin and it tasted sweet and citrusy. And you smiled at Minho.

He stared at you in awe that day, and then he kissed you softly, pressing his pillowy lips against yours. His eyes mirrored galaxies, tears tracing constellations down his cheeks. "You look so pretty when you smile," he whispered tenderly and you felt emotion bubbling within you, stuck in your throat. But you didn’t want to cry. So, you only smiled more brightly at his words, and you kept his compliment stored safely within you, right beside every sweet gesture of his since that day.

Minho didn’t have the answers to all your questions. He didn’t always know what to say to make it feel right. But he stayed there, he tried his best, to heal parts of you that you never knew could be bruised.

You tried one day, to go through the day normally. You woke up, opened the blinds, and then you made Minho breakfast. You ate lunch with Mina, making some jokes here and there. And when you saw Chan in the line of the coffee shop, you went up to him to talk.

And then you got home and showered, put on makeup, and waited for Minho to come to you. As soon as he opened the door, you were on him, hands busy unbuttoning his shirt, your lips pressed wildly on top of his. You missed him, missed the way he made you forget as he touched you, everywhere. As he showed you how much he loved you.

"I want you, please," you whispered, your lips grazing the shell of his ear, your hands roaming across his chest. Your tone was begging and Minho could feel the urgency in it, so he nodded, he could never say no to you. He watched as you guided him to the couch, as you straddled his lap. You kissed his neck and he tilted it back to give you more of an opening. His hands were on your thighs, cautious. Your lips on him felt heavenly but he couldn’t allow himself to get lost in the pleasure, he had to keep an eye on you.

You were urgent, with the way you sucked the tender skin above his collarbones, how you grinded your hips into his. As if you were on borrowed time and you had to make him reach his high as fast as possible.

"Tell me you’re mine," you muttered, between the kisses you imprinted onto his chest. He could see the lipstick stains you left behind as if you needed to mark him up for everyone to see.

"I'm yours," he says, his hand smoothing the top of your hair. He could sense that something was wrong now, because your eyes were glazed over, and your kisses were getting sloppy, as if your mind was somewhere else. So, he grabs your hips to pause you. "I'm yours, angel. You hear me?"

"Tell me you won’t leave, tell me you’re staying," you take his hands away from your sides, clasping them in a tight hold. You capture his lips in a desperate kiss, and Minho can feel the tears streaming down your face. "Tell me you’ll stay, please, I can’t- can’t lose you too."

"Hey, hey, love. It’s okay, calm down," Minho easily frees his hand from your grasp, bringing you closer to his chest. It’s all it takes for you to start sobbing. "Who said anything about losing me? I’m still here, I won’t ever leave you," he shushes, his voice sounding like honey to your ears. It manages to muffle the sound of your erratic heartbeat.

"I'm so so tired Minho, so tired," you sob, burying your head in his chest. You felt as if there was pain igniting the end of each of your nerves. You couldn't run away from it because the pain became you. "I try to be strong, but I can't. It hurts to wake up and- and to try to go on as if nothing happened. The thoughts in my head don't ever stop and I can't- I can't do this anymore. Please make it stop. Make it stop hurting," you press your palm onto your chest, a useless attempt to soothe the burn within.

 Why did it feel as if in your attempts to put out the fire raging within you, you only ended up fueling it even more?

"I would- I would if I could but I can't do that, I wish I could-" his tone is desperate, raw pain dripping from it.

"What if I'm not strong enough to do it myself?" you cut him off, finally asking the question that's been haunting you. "What if I can't fill this hole within me and it keeps on growing until it swallows me whole?"

Minho tightens his hold on you, rocking you gently in place, trying to lull your heart to sleep, so it'd stop hurting, even for a moment, even for a second. You know it's selfish to expect him to have all the answers, but he's all you have. He's the only voice you can bear listening to.

"I can't promise you that you'll ever fill the void left by her absence. It will keep on bleeding and throbbing, begging for a temporary patch-up. But one day it'll stop, it can't bleed forever. And around that hole flowers will bloom, like a sanctuary, watered by your overflowing love. Because it is your love that's hurting you, not your anger. Do not kill your heart to stop feeling, please. It will do that on its own, it won't hurt more than it can bear."

"It will take time. And if you run out of your time, I'll give you mine too. You aren't alone in this, we are a binary star, right?" he smiles softly and you nod slightly against his chest. "I read that to the invisible eye, they look like a singular star. I hope that to the universe we'd look like one person too, so they'd pass some of your pain to me."

✹✹✹

It’s been a few months since your mother died. You didn’t like the term passing away, because it entails that it was gentle, in passing, as if you were expecting it. But her death was sudden and it made your entire world flip upside down.

"Would you like to talk to her?" Minho suggested one night, his knuckles brushing against your cheek softly.

"Will you come with me?" you ask quietly.

"Of course. If you want me to, that is."

"I can try."

Minho drove you to the graveyard the following weekend. It felt weird to see her name etched on the grave, a reminder that this was all real and not a figment of your imagination. 

"I'm not a daughter anymore." You speak after a while, tone coated in sadness, and acceptance. "But I think I’ve never truly been one, since you were never a mother to me."

"Is it weird, that I miss you? I don't even know what I miss exactly since you were never there. But I miss you. I miss having a mother. And I'm sorry, that you were so angry at the world you couldn't find it in you to love me." You pause, blindly reaching out to hold Minho's hand. He grabs it instantly. "But I won't carry your anger anymore. I don't want to be mad at you, for leaving so suddenly. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. And I hope that you are too, wherever you are now."

You turn around, a small smile gracing your lips, and Minho wastes no time in wrapping you in his arms, your cheek resting against his shoulder. He's proud of you, the emotion shines clear as day in his eyes. 

"I wanna take you somewhere," he tells you and you nod, wrapping your arm securely around his waist.

The drive is short and you recognize the place fairly easily. It's the hill you told him about a long time ago, the one that held your happiest memory with your mother.

You both sit on the bench, your head finding solace on his shoulder. The view unfolding in front of you is still as breathtaking, and with each passing moment, the tightness in your chest seems to ease. Memories of your mother and this serene spot intertwine like delicate vines, bringing you a bittersweet sense of comfort. Because mourning someone isn't straightforward, not when humans are this complex, never strictly good or bad.

"Cold?" Minho asks and you shake your head no. "You're a human heater."

"Only near you," he smirks and you giggle slightly.

"I remember your hands used to be so cold."

"So, I could find an excuse to hold yours."

"Are you flirting with me?" you chuckle and he nods, a proud smile on his face. "Is it working?"

"I haven't run away yet, so I suppose it is." There is a newfound lightness in your voice, one you’ve been achingly missing for the past months.

"Come here," he taps his lap with his hands and you promptly lay your head on it.

"Look at the sky," he instructs and you do as he says, squinting your eyes. "What am I supposed to see?" you giggle, but then you feel it, the faintest snowflake falling on your nose tip.

"Go away, I don't want to watch the first snow with you," you tilt your head towards Minho, who's watching you, a soft smile on his face.

You giggle at the distant memory, when you both left Limbo, two years ago. The first time Minho rewrote your memories.

"As if I could ever love you, that'd just be signing a death warrant," you repeat your words from that night, a knowing smile on your face.

"How's that death warrant going?"

"Horrible, so so horrible," you say as you intertwine his hand with yours, squeezing it lightly.

"Mm. I suppose we can't be the exception to the superstition."

"How unfortunate," you smile as he leans down to press a kiss on your forehead, before looking back at the sky again.

He looks perfect from your view. You can clearly see the mole on his nose, the pucker of his rosy lips, and his long eyelashes framing his eyes. You are overcome by a feeling of love for the man beside you, and you stand up from your place to pull him in for a deep kiss.

"What was that for?" he smiles once you lean away, his fingers gently grazing your lips.

"Thank you, for today and for every day since I've met you."

"Of course, my love. You took a big step today, what color are you feeling right now?"

"Whatever color loving you is."

✹✹✹

Hills covered in verdant hues, rows of flowers bursting with vibrant colors, stretching before your eyes. The birds are chirping somewhere near, intermingling with the faint melody of the wind brushing against your skin.

"Here," Minho comes from behind, placing his knit jacket on top of your shoulders. Its warmth seeps through you, and you lean your back against his chest, melting into his embrace. His arms encircle your chest, resting comfortably on top of your heart as if guarding it from harm.

You feel your breathing slow down as you both look out the window. You are somewhere far from the city and its buzzing lights, a small white cottage surrounded by nature, where only you and Minho exist.

Minho nuzzles his chin on your shoulder, placing a chaste kiss under your ear. A light giggle escapes your mouth, as goosebumps rise upon your skin. Your body still reacts as sweetly to Minho, proofs of his love imprinted all over you. His touch is familiar to you but still as soothing, never losing its effect on you. You believe it never will, even when you're both withering down; his touch will still be the only thing making you bloom.

"This is nice," he whispers, sighing softly and you nod against him, raising your hand to settle on top of his. His fingers instinctively find your wedding ring, playing with it as they've done for the past two years.

"It's always nice with you," you say and he smiles softly, squeezing your hand lightly. You remember how it felt when he held it for the first time. How he hasn't let go since. It was only ever his to hold.

"We did well, don't you think? For our first time being alive."

His words make a gentle warmth stir within you. It is your first life, and you're lucky enough to spend it with him.

"We did," you turn around, to find him already looking down at your figure, a fond smile on his face. "To think we probably wouldn't be together if it wasn't for our law classes."

"No," he shakes his head, hands gently cupping your cheeks. "I would've found you. On a random evening when you'd stumble onto Limbo. In the supermarket where you'd buy your cherry shampoo. In the park you used to play in as a kid. I would've found you."

You've once read that when humans are about to pass away, a film of their happiest memories plays in front of their eyes. You know that many years down the road when you're on the brink of going away, you'll remember this moment clearly in your head. You'll remember the cicadas chirping far away, and the zesty smell of the lemon muffins you made earlier today. You'll remember the cold breeze ruffling your hair, and Minho’s warm hands on you. And you'll sigh contently, from having lived a life filled with love.

"My soul is dipped in yours. It will always find you too."

[alltimefail]

Okay gang, I noticed something super intriguing in my recent weekend rewatch of Dead Boy Detectives!

In Episode 4 when the night nurse goes into Charles' mind there's a consistent detail in his memories that I haven't seen anyone point out: not all of Charles' five schoolmates throw stones at him when he's in the lake.

Two boys are positioned slightly off to the left side of the screen, watching and making no move to stop the others, but they do not directly harm Charles at any point.

I know this doesn't seem particularly interesting in and of itself, but it quickly becomes more interesting when the Night Nurse asks Charles "What could possibly have made [his] friends turn on [him] like this," and we flash forward to the next memory, a visual response to her question. In this memory, we see Charles standing up to all of his so-called "friends" who are senselessly beating up on a boy from Pakistan and...

Wait - actually, no - not all of his friends...

Yet again, two boys have been intentionally set apart from the group and yes, it is the same two boys who stood off to the side and watched Charles be harmed (ultimately killed) in the previous scene. The juxtaposition of these scenes begins to feel even more intentional when the perspective flips and we see the scene how Charles was seeing it, with the passive boys on the left and the boys engaging in violence on the right.

This scene is much brighter so we get a really good look at their faces here, but both of them go through a myriad of facial expressions/reactions in quick succession that are challenging to discern with 100% certainty. But with the blocking for the group being the same in both shots and the roles the boys play being the same in both shots, I feel like this had to be an intentional choice made to convey something implicitly to the audience.

That leaves me to wonder - did these boys know, deep down, that what was happening was wrong? Did they want to resist, walk away, or try to stop the violence like Charles did earlier but felt powerless to do so? It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge how one of the two "passive" boys was black: did that otherness, the same otherness that Charles felt and that boy from Pakistan surely felt, keep him from speaking up out of fear for his own safety (a valid fear, considering what we know).

Whatever the purpose, it's a really sad detail to me. Heartbreaking, actually. Edwin is 100% right when he says that the living are messy, and Crystal is right when she says that she and the boys lost their lives to boys who went too far (hers temporarily in the form of her memories, the boys completely in the form of their literal lives) because that's just it, isn't it? This show is full of moral and ethical conversations surrounding the limitations of labels like "good" and "bad" people; about capability and willingness to change; and about how our actions, whether rooted in good or bad intentions, can lead to unintended or undesired outcomes. Perhaps none of Charles' "friends" believed they would kill Charles that night; perhaps they just wanted to "rough him up" or "teach him a lesson." Perhaps none of Edwin's bullies could have anticipated that the ritual sacrifice "prank" would do anything more than scare a boy they perceived as different, effeminate ("Mary Ann"), and they certainly couldn't have known it would lead to years of torture and suffering in hell for not just Edwin, but for themselves as well. But it doesn't matter, and it doesn't excuse what they did. The boys who stood to the side and watched Charles die, and who watched their fellow "mates" beat on another boy prior to that, may not have thrown a single punch, but it didn't matter - the damage was done. They still were complicit in that violence, and therefore played just as much a role in Charles' death as the boys who were throwing stones and punches. To be alive is to deal with mess, complications, baggage...to insinuate otherwise is to diminish the nuance and intention put into every choice not only in this show, but in some ways, the world at large as well. It may be a small moment, but it struck me as something that said so much without having to explicitly say anything at all. Art is a good mirror on society in this way; it makes us face the reflections of messy, complex characters and situations that we could just as likely find ourselves a part of (maybe as the "good" guy, the vicim; maybe as the "bad" guy, the bully; or maybe as the guys who just... did nothing at all. The ones who watched, who were complicit in the suffering of others for what could be a multitude of selfish or self-preserving reasons).

All that being said, the TLDR here is: considering it's the same two boys who behave the same way in both instances it feels like an intentional detail. I wonder if there's potential for one (or both) of these boys to reappear in Charles' (after)life in the future? They are likely both still alive today, in their 50s, just as Charles would be had he not been murdered. Perhaps one of these boys could die and come to the agency with regrets or unfinished business (directly involving Charles or regarding something unrelated). Maybe Charles will run into them, alive, through a different case or just on the streets of London and be overwhelmed with a sense of "That should be me, too. I should have gotten to live." I imagine he would recognize them, even in older bodies, and it would understandably affect him to have to face anyone who played a role in his death, whether they threw stones or just watched.

Orrrrrrer it could be a totally pointless detail! 😂 I'm always open-minded to the fact that after 30+ rewatches I could be overanalyzing at this point. Either way, it confounds me nonetheless and I so desperately hope we will get to explore Charles' trauma more in season 2 (🤞)... so I thought I would share my thoughts! 🖤

(Last note: please excuse the bad photo quality!! I searched meticulously for the exact screencaps I needed but couldn't find anything, so I just took pictures of my tv screen with my phone lol.)

[satxnsupreme666]

Kind of woman: Agatha Harkness x fem!reader

Masterlist

Requested by:  @midnight-lestrange

Summary:  Agatha feels guilty about what happened to Alice, so you go to look for her, only to realize she is drowning on mud, you help her to get out of the mud and to clean herself, would she be able to understand that you do not blame her for anything?

Warnings: None

Word count: 4.6k

Author’s notes: This takes place on episode 5, after Agatha’s trial.

I also noticed I got a few requests, I will make sure to write them, I just want to make sure that what I write would be good for the people who requested, when people request I like to make sure I write their request as nice as possible, because I want to make sure they will have something nice and pretty to read and make sure they will enjoy what I write for them.

Also @midnight-lestrange sorry this one is a little bit short, I hope you still enjoy it and again, thank you so much for letting me write your amazing ideas! I hope you like this!

I hope you like it! ♥️

If you enjoy, could you comment, like or reblog? it would help a lot really ♥️

Taglist: @midnight-lestrange  @eliscannotdance

You could not believe what had just happened, seeing Alice’s body on the floor made you quickly turn away from it.

Everyone was shocked, Agatha had been the first one to leave the house, going outside the door and to the forest of the witches’ road, you had been so shocked about what had happened that you did not realize everyone had already walked out of the house, but most important, you had not realized Agatha had looked at you longer with a worried expression on her face when you were looking at Alice’s body, the way her heart was aching at the mere thought of you thinking she was a monster, she could actually not care what everyone thought about her,  but you, you were everything to her, shame had been a feeling she was not used to, barely feeling it, but what she had done in front of you, in front of her sweet y/n, what she had done was eating her from the inside, full of regret, the voices of past memories coming to her telling her how evil she was, just how her mother had accused, and maybe her mother had not been wrong about her.

You were still facing the wall, the dim lights were enough for you to see the things on the wall, suddenly the entire place felt awfully cold, and you were afraid of turning yourself around to even look at the door, the fear consumed you, you were afraid to even move, until you felt a hand on your shoulder, the touch made you jump in fear.

“You have to go and check on the others, make sure Agatha is fine” Rio’s soft voice made you relax a little, the soft touch on your shoulder giving you some sort of comfort.

Even after her presence was making you feel better, fear still made you unable to move from your spot, Rio sensed your hesitation to move from where you were standing and walked to stand in front of you, she saw the way your eyes were closed, with so much force she thought you were going to give yourself a headache, and she chuckled, the sight made her laugh internally.

Rio pressed her hands on your shoulders and started to rub them softly, up and down, trying to comfort you, it seemed to work because you started to open your eyes, slowly.

When you fully opened them, you saw Rio standing in front of you offering you a soft smile.

“You don’t have to worry, Alice is going to be fine, remember the blood moon and tonight being the thinnest line between death and life?” She asked you softly looking straight into your eyes, you nodded, somehow her presence made you feel at peace and her words were enough to comfort you.

“Well, I can assure you, Alice is going to be perfectly fine, Agatha was not able to hurt her completely, she just needs time to recover, alright? You don’t have to worry” Rio said to you in a soft way, making you nod, there was something in the way Rio was telling you not to worry that made you erase the worries in your mind.

“Alright, but Agatha did not do it on purpose, you know? I am sure she was not able to control herself” You said to her with your brows furrowed, you were sure Agatha had not done it on purpose, but still seeing what happened had shocked you a little.

Rio laughed and shook her head, she knew the same, she knew Agatha had not mean to do on purpose what happened, you looked so sweet with your brows furrowed, and she understood why Agatha had developed feelings for you, who wouldn’t? She understood why Agatha loved you.

“I know, you and I know that, and I know you would fight anyone who thinks the contrary, but you have to go and tell Agatha you are aware of that” Rio had taken your chin on her hand, looking into your eyes as she was telling you what to do.

You nodded remembering that Agatha had been the first one to leave, and decided to head out to look for her.

Rio saw the way you hurriedly climbed the small stairs and went out to the witches’ road forest, ready to look for Agatha.

“Good girl” Rio said to herself when you finally went completely out of the house.

When you finally were outside, you could see the forest did not have that blue-dark tint to it, now it was different it had changed to a more kind of a yellow tone, the thick fog was still in there.

There were no traces of the other witches, there was no trace of Agatha, and fear started to overwhelm you.

Where had she gone? Had something happened to her? What if the Salem seven had already got to her?

You started to walk following the path and you did not notice the teen quickly turning to look at you from his spot, you passed him without noticing him and after some more minutes of walking you finally heard some grunts.

“Agatha?!” You started to look at your sides, trying to see where the sounds were coming from, feeling desperate for not being able to see where she was, until you noticed a pool of mud on the side of the road, and finally that was where you heard clearly the grunts of Agatha, quickly you went to her and knelt in front of her, taking with both of your hands, the arm of hers that was sticking out of the mud.

“Agatha?! Oh my god, what happened?!” It was clear that the older witch was not going to be able to answer to you due to her being completely covered in mud but still you couldn’t help but asked with worry all over you.

You tried to pull her out from the mud and after some minutes of trying, her other arm was finally out of the mud and you quickly took it as well, her head was also out of the mud and her blue eyes quickly looked at you straight into your eyes.

“You are going to get yourself into this as well, please be careful!” Agatha said out of breath, and you just shook your head.

“I am not stopping until you are out of there, alright?” She pursed her lips and did not complain again, it was so hard, the mud had almost already engulfed her completely and you tried with all of your strength to get her out if it, until you were not sure how it happened but she fell on top of you to the ground on the main path.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry sweetheart, are you hurt?” Agatha quickly asked you, her body still on top of yours, her hands pressed to the ground next to your head, you felt relieved she was finally freed and found it funny the way her face was full of mud as well as her entire body, you were sue she was not even able to see through that thick mud covering her face and eyes, so you pressed your hand on her eyes and carefully wiped some of the mud off her beautiful blue eyes.

“Better?” You asked with a smile on your face and she nodded, you were always so sweet.

She then proceeded to help you stand up and when you were finally standing, you started to wipe more mud off her face.

“Come, let’s go take a seat over there” You told her and stretched your hand out for her to take it.

“Doll, you are going to get yourself dirty, just look at my clothes” She whispered and gave a quick glance to her own clothes and then proceeded to look at you again, she did not want for you to get mud on yourself.

“I don’t mind Agatha, I want to help you, come, please?” You asked with such pleading eyes that she couldn’t say no.

Agatha nodded and took your hand in hers; she felt a little bit ashamed that you were seeing her like that and touching her dirty hands.

Agatha still could not understand why you were so kind and why you loved her.

The two of you arrived at the tree-trunk you had seen and placed the older witch in front of it.

“Let me help you took your coat off, alright?” She nodded and the two of you started to get the coat off her body, it had been so covered in mud that it was a little hard to take it off completely, you put it to the ground next to where you were and started to try and take some more mud off her white blouse.

“I will miss that coat” Agatha murmured while feeling her face getting hotter feeling your hands in her chest and cleaning as best as you could.

“I can go with you to buy another one when we get out of here, those type of coats fit you so good” You said with a smile and looked at her blouse, you were happy with your cleaning work and proceeded to brush the mud off your hands to help her clean a little bit more off her face.

“Now can you sit on there?” You asked her while pointing at the tree-trunk behind her and she nodded, doing as you had asked.

You knelt in front of her and pressed your hands on her forehead, making sure the mud would be gone, Agatha leant into your soft touch, feeling content with your warm touch.

“Even with the mud on your face, you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you know, the color of the mud really accentuates your blue eyes” You commented to her trying to cheer her up, she was so quiet, something that was not normal when it came to her.

Before you could also check if she was hurt or had scratches on her face, you noticed her eyes got glossy and seconds later, tears started to fall from her eyes, out of instinct you wiped the tears off her face.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” You quickly took her hands and started to look for any wounds, she chuckled and took your face in her hands, she was looking at you straight into her eyes.

“Why do you love me?” She suddenly asked and you really did not understand her question, you loved her because she was an amazing woman! But seeing the desperate look on her eyes you took her hands on yours and gave her a soft smile, never taking tour eyes away from hers.

“I love you, not only because you are beautiful, or because of your pretty eyes, apart from loving the way you look on the outside, your beautiful  brown hair, the way you walk with so much confidence, the way you move your hands every time you talk, the way you place your hand on your chin whenever you’re creating a plan, or when you are thinking deeply, I love everything about you physically yes, but also, you are an amazing woman, you are much more than what people or even you think, you are the kind of woman that everyone would wish for, I love how smart you are, how funny and sarcastic you can be-“ She started to cry and gave you a bitter laugh before letting you speak again.

“I am a monster! How can you love a monster like me, did you not see what I did to Alice? Have you not heard what every witch says about me?” You waited for Agatha to continue talking, but she stopped and you gave a squeeze to her hands.

“You are not a monster, you were not a monster, and you will never be a monster, alright? What happened to Alice was a mistake, you did not do it on purpose, I know it, because I know you, you are not a bad person, you are only misunderstood, no one takes the chance to actually get to know the real you, because also you always like to act all tough and rude, but I know you are only trying to protect yourself, and I know everything that you passed through, you are also not evil? You hear me? You are no evil Agatha, you are kind, amazing, funny, intelligent, yes you have made some mistakes, but haven’t we all? People don’t know what true evil looks like, but I have seen it, close enough to know that you are not evil, alright? I love you with my whole heart because you are an amazing, incredible woman, please don’t doubt it for a second” You had not realized you had also started to cry as well and before you could react Agatha engulfed you in a tight hug, you passed your arms over her shoulders, letting her hug you as long as she wanted, you started to run circles down her back, trying to soothe her.

After some minutes, she pulled you away just a little to look into your eyes again.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, you are the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, you really are amazing doll, I know I may not have told this as much as I would like, but I do love you, with my whole life, I would do anything to protect you, to keep you safe, I don’t want to be without you” You gave her a smile and felt your heart jump a beat, wiping more tears off her face she pulled you close to her to press a soft kiss to your lips.

After feeling the need to breathe again, she separated a little from you to press her forehead against yours.

You could sense she was not agitated anymore; her heartbeat had calmed down; she was feeling a little bit more relaxed and decided to ask her what had happened.

“I got so scared not seeing you here outside for a minute, how did you end up there?” You inquired and felt her hand caressing the skin of your neck.

Agatha straightened herself a little and sighed, you waited for her to answer your question patiently.

“The teenager is Wanda Maximoff’s son, Billy” She said to you in a whisper and you gasped, how could it be? The last time you saw them, he was only a little kid! Agatha noticed your expression and sensed the change in your mood, she quickly pressed her hands on your shoulders and rubbed them softly.

“I know what you are thinking, and even though I still don’t have all of the answers on how, his soul left Westview when Wanda’s hex was destroyed, and somehow, he managed to find a vessel to keep living, he does not know who he is completely, apparently he only remembers the last three years of his life, but does not remember anything apart from that, he tricked all of us, and the reason why we could not hear him was because of the sigil” You were shocked, how was it possible that he had been there on Westview all the time? Wanda! Wanda was gone because she sacrificed herself to destroy every copy of the darkhold looking for her children.

Memories of your time on Westview came rushing to your mind, when you had arrived at the town with Wanda, the way she created your own room at her house, when you met Agatha, oh well, Agnes at the time, the way she had told you the truth about her true self, the times you had passed with Wanda and the twins as a family, when you had babysat the twins with Agatha, you still missed that life, too perfect to be true, but when Wanda’s hex was destroyed, the twins disappearing, Vision as well, Wanda leaving you completely alone to go search for her children, the way you had stayed with Agatha, the spell she had been under, you had pleaded Wanda to let Agatha free, but she did not listen, at least Agnes under the spell thought you were her wife and you moved in with her to take care of her, even if she was not aware; the teen releasing her from the spell, Agatha and you talking about what had happened, she thanking you for staying with her all these three years, her telling you for the first time how she had fallen in love with you during your time in Westview, and finally you were there, with her walking down the witches’ road.

“Are you alright doll?” You heard Agatha asking you while she shook you slightly your shoulder, you gave her a sad smile and sat down on the ground in front of her.

“Why did he throw you off the road?” You felt yourself frowning, he could have hurt her, and then you remembered you had not seen Lilia nor Jenn, it was as if she had read your mind.

“Lilia and Jenn threw me in the mud, he made them do it and then telepathically he did the same to them” She explained to you while caressing your hair softly.

“Where are they? He just did it because he was angry?” You wondered out loud, and again you smiled sadly.

“Exactly like Wanda, always acting according to her emotions” Agatha nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead, you leant into her touch and suddenly you heard some leaves being stepped on by someone, you quickly turned your head, hoping you would see Lilia or Jenn, but instead Billy was walking slowly towards the two of you.

You quickly stood up, standing in front of Agatha, but you felt Agatha grabbing your hand tightly.

“He is angry, Billy is mad, he knows who he is, at least a part of who he is, he knows what happened, please don’t go to him, he has powers, his powers are like his mother’s, and just like her, his magic is tied to his emotions, he does not know how to control it, I am afraid he can hurt you” Agatha was begging you not to go near him, and even if his powers were like Wanda’s, yours were alike, you were not afraid of him, and would not let him hurt Agatha.

 You gave Agatha a soft smile and let go of her hand, you decided to walk closer to Billy, to stop him from walking towards Agatha, he noticed that you were angry and the closer you got to him he rose his eyebrows, he quickly lifted his hands on the air to let you know he was not going to do anything.

You frowned and when you were standing centimeters away from him, you saw the tears on his eyes, his eyes looked so familiar yet so different, and the memories of the little boy who liked to play board games and liked wearing a red cape came rushing to your mind.

“Billy?” You said with a small voice, your tears were glossy, tears ready to fall down your face, you could not believe that one of the twins was there in front of you, that he had been there with you the whole time, how had you not noticed it? For sure it was because of the sigil he used to have, but how was it possible he was there, and he looked completely different from the small bot you used to babysit at Wanda’s place?

“Is it you really? Are you Billy Maximoff? Are you really here again?” You asked this time you could not help the tears from falling down.

He felt awful for not being able to recognize you, but the way you were talking to him seemed too familiar, too warm and it made his heart ache, he wanted to remember so desperately.

“I don’t know, I don’t know who you are, or who am I” The teen in front of you said with tears on his face.

“What do you remember about me? How do you know me?” He asked you softly and you smiled remembering all the times you had babysat him and his brother, the day you had seen them for the first time, the way Wanda told you they were your baby brothers.

“I arrived with Wanda at Eastview, she took me with her, she had promised me we would have a new fresh start, that we would be a family, that she finally would take care of me and we would be finally happy, she was always so sweet to me, always checking on me, treating me like if I was her own daughter, then you two arrived” Billy felt his heart beating faster.

“Wanda got pregnant, and when she finally had you in her arms, she called for me to present to me my…” You had to cover your mouth before continuing what you were telling him, the pain in your chest getting bigger.

“She had told me that you were my baby brothers” You had sobbed when the two of them disappeared with the Hex, Wanda had been full of sorrow, full of pain in her, that she even left you alone there on Westview.

“I saw how you grew up in just a matter of some months, you were always the calmest of the two of you, Tommy always speeding and making everything fall to the floor with his speed” You recalled with a sad smile in your face.

“You always were reading people’s minds, not on purpose of course, I remember you told me once that my mind was quiet, and you also said the same to Agatha” You said to him looking at the ground.

“Tommy liked to play video games with me, always begging me to play that fighting game, even your mother actually did not like him playing it, but you always preferred playing board games, always choosing the same token, the-“

“The crown token!” He suddenly blurted out, surprised of remembering something.

“Yes, you always said that it reminded you of Wanda, your mother, Tommy did not like to play board games, but when we played all together a board game, it was “Uno”, Wanda always got mad because Agatha always managed to win” You said bitterly, missing the old days, that seemed perfect.

“Wanda and I always tried to team up to beat her, and you and Tommy would always team up to beat us all, but in the end, Agatha always managed to win” You commented while hugging yourself.

“Why are you with her? Why are you with Agatha, you knew what she did, you saw her! She tricked all of us! You are too good for her; she is evil and deceitful!”

Billy said to you with anger, his tears were still falling down his face.

And you shook your head at him.

“You don’t know her the way I do, people used to say the same about Wanda your mother-“

“She is not my mother, I have a mother” He said to you his face full of anger, he was really a moody teenager, and you laughed, he frowned not understanding what was so funny.

“I am walking alone the witches’ road, I will get to the end alone” He said to you standing straight and crossing his arms in his chest, he was so stubborn that it made you laugh again.

“Listen Billy, I know you are hurt, confused, I know things have not been easy for you, but neither for anyone, listen, you want to get to the end of the road, go ahead and do it, I will stay here and make sure Agatha is fine, and also make sure Lilia and Jenn are alright, I know you were angry, but you have to learn, to control your temper, Lilia and Jenn did not do anything to you, and yet you threw them in the air, we do not even know if they are fine!” You really tried to understand him, but his attitude was not helping, Billy looked at you with a guilty look on his face, and you only shook your head to start walking towards the direction you had come from.

“And you really don’t know what Wanda Maximoff did for you, what she sacrificed looking for you, you have no idea what she did, everything she did because of you and Tommy, so you better start thinking twice and replanting what you believe” You said before turning around completely and going to look for Agatha to start the search of Lilia and Jenn.

Billy stood there, on the middle of the road, thinking what you had said to him, he had not been waiting for you to just let him standing there, he did not know what to do, so he sat back on the ground.

You arrived next to Agatha, and knelt in front of her, she was looking at you with curiosity and concern.

“Can we look for Lilia and Jenn? I just want to make sure they are fine, I know we have to keep walking the road, but I want to make sure they are fine, please?” You begged her, and she nodded, she stood up and you stretched your hand for her to take it, she took it but quickly went and placed that same hand in your waist, giving your waist a soft squeeze, you smiled feeling a little bit better.

“Let’s go look for them, I know Billy is going to look for us sooner or later, but he has to think what he did and what he thinks and believes” Agatha smiled and pulled you closer to her.

“You are so brave, I still wish to have my powers to be the one protecting you” You only smiled at her, continue to walk, trying to sense if you could feel Lilia and Jenn anywhere, Agatha knew you would not stop until you found them, and she smiled again, she could really not believe how lucky she was for having you, she was not going to let you go anywhere, and she sworn to take you to the end of the road safe, after all, you were her everything, and she would make sure you were happy, safe and secured, you were her rock and she would do everything to keep you with her.

[iikatsukii]

When the clock resets.

synopsis: you’re brought back to life, unsure as to why eywa has given you another chance but as you return “home” things aren't quite the same. . 

pairings: sully family x daughter/sister!reader, neteyam x twin!reader, neytiri x daughter! reader, jake x daughter!reader

warnings: um tbh none except minor cursing, running away, passing out, mentions of malnourishment due to you being dead but yk. oh and ao’nung being a mama’s boy.

word count: 6,064

a/n: THIS IS PART 2 OF TOO LATE!!!! unfortunately there is no red text this time but guys i am still not done with this series because i have a request for if the reader survived the first part. but i will be moving back over to illicit love for a little bit because i didn't even expect this story to blow up like i did. like yall i was just sad and here yall are feeding off my trauma. but its okay yall are my little angst hungry babies. :) (also huge fucking shoutout to @eywas-heir for giving me this idea for pt. 2. go give them kisses for me and say i sent you :d)

taglist: @hai-kbai @ssc7514 @sillydog3-4-5 @hyunskz @innersuitcasehairdoscissors @rairaielv @freeauthordeputyartisan-blog @mel119g @ksata @artyom09 @marcswife21 @innersuitcasehairdoscissors @andyfromku

(if youre name has a strike through it that means i wasnt able to tag you im so sorry guys i tried)

waking up felt extremely weird. you felt like you had taken the longest, heaviest nap ever. slowly opening your eyes to adjust to the light, you take in your surroundings.

you're in a shallow hole, you noticed as you looked around, and there was dirt around you. you look up at what you would think was the sky and see something else that you remember seeing before. you see the leaf covering that the omatikaya place over their passed-away loved ones. you usually see these leaf coverings from the outside. this caused a slight panic to settle in your chest?

why are you here? did you die? what the hell is going on?

you reached your arm up, still feeling weak from not moving your joints in you don't even know how long. you slowly press against the leaf covering, pushing it away from the hole and exposing the sun to your eyes. you shielded yourself before you felt a shadow standing over your form. it was mo'at. the tsahik of the omatikaya clan.

"tsahik?" it was the first word you said, and it caused mo'at to press a hand to her mouth in shock as tears sprang to her eyes. her granddaughter, who had passed away two years ago, was looking up to her from her grave that she had pushed open herself. the tsahik didn't understand. how could the great mother take you away for two years and let their family mourn and grieve your death just to send you back to them two years later?

this made no sense.

"come with me, my child," was the only thing mo'at said as she reached out to grab your hand. she intertwined your fingers, wanting to hold her granddaughter as close as possible, fearing losing you again. she helped you out of the hole slowly as you still had to get used to moving your arms and legs around again. 

"ma tsahik?" you asked the older woman standing before you. "what happened to me?"

she didn't turn to look at you as she said in a hushed, almost hurt, tone of voice, "you died two years ago," you were left speechless. you didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything. you tried to think back on what happened before you woke up from your 'nap,' but you couldn't remember anything. no matter how hard, no memories or thoughts came to your head.

"do not try to work your brain so hard trying to find answers that will come to you, my child. you'll hurt yourself." the tsahik jokes.

you looked up at her, seeing the slight smile on her face but missing the faint trace of tears in her eyes. you let out a small laugh at her joke.

"hey! i may not remember anything from before, but i know i was not stupid before i died." you laughed along, but this caused the tsahik to stop in her tracks, turning to you.

"say that again." she said, grabbing hold of your shoulders, her face painted with worry. 

"i was not dumb before i died?" you said, confused at her sudden actions.

"no, child! the other thing you said."

"oh, that i do not remember anything from before i died?" your words were cautious because you didn't know if what you were saying was offensive. 

"we must get you back to the camps." was all she said as she turned, grabbing your hand, but this time she walked with urgency. her pace was hard to keep up with due to your aching body, but you somehow managed. 

once you started to enter your native territory, you felt eyes everywhere. everyone was looking at you. you get it; you died and came back, but did everyone have to stare at you like that? it wasn't like you were the olo'eyktans daughter before you died. 

mo'at brought you to the center of the high grounds camp, and everyone gathered around to see what announcement their tsahik had for them. 

she didn't have some big speech planned. she just held your hand and said to the clan's people. 

"the great-mother has returned my granddaughter!" everyone was cheering and happy. this confused the sully family. the past two years after your death have been hard. the natives completely annihilated every rda soldier, lab, and scientist in sight. it was an unexpected, coordinated attack between the forest na'vi, the ice na'vi, and, surprisingly, even the ash na'vi. due to transportation, the water na'vi couldn't make it to fight the war, but they were able to send over some of their finest healers. 

let's just say no ships are coming to pandora ever again. jake made sure to send a message to the humans back on earth that if they ever sent one of their own to his planet again, he would single-handedly rip them each limb from limb. that was a promise, not a threat. humans had not gotten a chance to respond to jake's words. right after he delivered his messages, he pulled the pin of a grenade and walked out of the ship, it and the rest of the camp's base exploding behind them. although they didn't get to respond, they sure did receive the message, and earth now no longer had an avatar program. as the na'vi walked away from the war, they were victorious once and for all. 

neytiri was quietly braiding her youngest daughter's hair when she heard the cheers and celebration of the clan outside her home. and then that's when her three older children came running into their hut, screaming and crying, speaking simultaneously. it sounded as if they were speaking gibberish. 

"hey, hey kids calm down. what is going on?" jake asked his children, who looked like they were in distress. he was sitting in the home's living area, sharpening his blade as he had nothing else to do. 

"Y/N HAS RETURNED." it was kiri who got the words out first. 

neytiri, jake, and tuk all froze. there was no way. the great mother had taken you right in front of their eyes. you have been gone for two years; it can't be. neytiri had visited your grave just last night. there you lay, closed-eyed and lifeless in front of her, but as she walked out of her home and into the center of the clan's gathering there, you stood. you looked skinny and malnourished, but you were standing, breathing, alive. 

neytiri couldn't believe her eyes. she thought she was dreaming as she approached you slowly. she held your face in her hands, and as soon as she felt your skin against her own, she broke down in tears, engulfing you in the tightest hug you had ever felt. 

"ow." you said when she squeezed a bit too hard. this caused the woman to release you quickly, as she had forgotten how fragile you were right now. 

"ma ite, you have returned to me, oh great mother, you have answered my prayers. thank you, thank you, thank you," she said as she pulled you into a hug again, this time softer, as if she was afraid that if she held you too rough, you would break in her arms. 

you, on the other hand, were nervous. granddaughter? ite? what is going on right now? there's no way you're the tsahik's granddaughter. you couldn't imagine what your mother would be like as a person, let alone any of your family. all you knew was that you were from the forest, but maybe eywa brought you back to the wrong part of the forest? you couldn't even look at the woman before you and pinpoint a resemblance. you had four fingers; some of her children had five, and you weren't like them. only one other child had four tingers, and you noticed it was the eldest son. 

when you made eye contact with him, his eyes softened. neteyam hadn't looked into his twin's eyes in ages. he missed you like no other. yeah, neytiri had it hard losing her first daughter, but neteyam had his twin's life ripped from her body right in front of his eyes. at that moment, it was almost like he felt the bullets go through his chest as well. that's how great the pain of losing you felt. but looking at you now, he felt like his heart was whole again. but there was this look in your eye. you looked different. not physically. you looked at neteyam differently. almost like you didn't recognize him.

mo'at had hoped that seeing your home and your family would cause your memories to come flooding back, but the look on your face was not giving her that impression. 

"i am sorry if i am ruining a happy moment…." you spoke up, causing everyone to immediately silence themselves so they wouldn't miss a word you said. but you didn't say anything that caused any happiness or joy in anyone. instead, your words scared everyone.

"–but i do not know who you guys are. i am not the tsahik's granddaughter and miss, i am not your daughter. i am sorry but i think you have things confused. please excuse me." you pulled yourself away from the woman who claimed to be your mother, but she tightened her grip on your hands.

"ma y/n, what do you mean? you do not remember me? i am your mother, your sa'nu. you are ma ite, my sweet girl." neytiri was taken aback. this isn't right, you're supposed to come back, and then everything goes back to normal. but the great mother has returned you with no memories at all. to you, neytiri was just a stranger claiming to be your mother.  

the next person to approach you was the olo'eyktan himself. you couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eyes because of how his vast form intimidated you.

"itetsyip. maybe if you come home and see some of your things then you'll remember." he said, placing his hand on your back and walking you in the direction of what you assumed was their home. you quickly remove yourself from the two adults who had you in their arms. 

"i am sorry but i am not your daughter. i do not want to enter your home to look at whatever things you think are mine. just because i have no memory of my family does not mean you get to take me away from them. the great mother may have returned me to my body with no memories but that does not mean you get to put whatever you want in my head, trying to get me to believe you. i only just returned. do you not understand how overwhelming this is?" you were scared. everything was happening so fast. 

you just found out that you had been dead for two years, and now these people are trying to push this life in you that you know god and well that wasn't yours. you don't know who these people are, and they were making absurd accusations. maybe you really were in the wrong part of the forest.

"y/n stop joking around. do you not remember us? you are neteyam's twin sister for crying out loud. how can you be cruel enough to pull a joke like this? have we not suffered enough?" lo'ak was fed up with this whole situation. you were his sister, dammit. how could you not remember that? neteyam is your twin. you, tuk, and kiri were sisters. they're standing right in front of you, just begging you to run into their arms so they can embrace you.

you looked at the teenage boy oddly. like he had three heads. he doesn't know what he's talking about. these people are so pushy and demanding; you can't come from a family like this. you thought about it, and you knew they would be able to catch you if you tried to make a break for it, but you didn't want to be here anymore. 

lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the family's eldest son walking up to you. he gently grabbed your shoulders, looking directly into your eyes that were identical to his. 

"you could not have forgotten about your twin brother have you, sister?" his words were soft. they sounded broken like he was hurting inside. from what? you don't know, but this isn't your problem to deal with. these people obviously lost somebody, but it is not you. you are not from here. so you hatched a plan in your head. 

"maybe i just need to walk around the forest and re-familiarize myself. it–" you choked on your words, not even wanting to say it.

"it could help me regain my memories. and then we can be a family again, yeah?" you look into the boy's eyes, noticing them shining a bit brighter. you gave him hope. 

that wasn't your intention. you just wanted to leave, so to make yourself 100x more believable, you hugged him. with all the strength you had in your body, which wasn't much. 

everyone was shocked. even neteyam, but he didn't want to lose this moment, so he hugged you back tight, so you could feel his love but not too tight because of how weak you are. you pulled back from the hug, bowing slightly to everyone before you walked in the direction that you and the tsahik came from so you wouldn't seem lost. you looked back before you could fully disappear into the trees. eyes meeting those of the people who claimed to be your family. looking at them, you didn't even see where you would fit in. they already looked whole. so you managed a small fake smile, sent them a small wave, and continued your trek through the forest, trying to get as far away from the omatikaya people as possible.

by the time they realize you're gone, you'll already be way too far for them to find you. you wandered around, wondering why the great-mother returned you like this? did you not deserve to keep your memories?

almost as if she heard your question, the great mother flashed an image in your head. it was different shades of forest green, with indigo spots placed randomly around its body, looking almost like flowers. its wings were majestic, but you couldn't pinpoint what you had seen until it landed right in front of you, keeping you from walking off a cliff you hadn't even realized you were walking towards. 

you couldn't believe that after two years of being gone, your ikran, syulang, was still alive. you named her syulang because, yes, of course, she looks like she's covered in flowers, but unlike other ikrans, syu was quiet, elegant, almost undetectable in the air. you would never hear her flying anywhere, and nobody knew why. the air would run smoothly over her wings, completely muting the sound of the wind rushing by in comparison to the usual loud, noisy ikrans that everyone else had tamed. syulang was delicate, like a flower.  "syu! hi girl, oh my goodness you’re alive." you said as you created your tsaheylu with her for the first time in years. it felt like the first time all over again, except without the part where she tried to kill you. syulang was happy to see you as well, nuzzling into you. "syulang, we have to go. right now. come on girl, take me home." when you said this, syulang made a noise of confusion but allowed you to mount her anyways. the two of you took off into the night, the eclipse making it too dark for anyone to notice that an ikran was out flying. not like they would hear syulang anyways.

it's been hours. you still hadn't come back from the forest, and the sullys were getting worried. everyone was tense and stressed until kiri spoke up. 

"she ran away," the teenage girl hadn't even realized it was herself who had spoken. she looked up and made eye contact with everyone in her family, repeating herself.

"she ran away, and she is not going to come back." tears sprung to her eyes as she just wanted her sister to return home. it was like eywa was dangling the most precious thing to them right in their faces, and every time they reached out, she snatched it away. 

"she would not do that. she said she was just going on a walk. kiri have some faith in her. sure she did not remember us but she would not have hugged me if she was just gonna run away. she said she would come home." neteyam argued. he didn't want to believe that you had left them again, but that's what it was starting to seem like. 

"we will check the ikrans. if hers is still there, then she's around here somewhere. we can go out and look for her." syulang had not left your family's ikran nest since the day you had passed. she was too depressed to do anything with her hunter being dead. the sullys made sure to take care of her for you, knowing you wouldn't want syu to suffer like you did. honestly, syulang was the closest thing the sullys had to you after you died. they'd take turns taking care of her at night, bringing tuk every now and then so she could see syulang too. 

the walk to the family ikran nest was full of arguing. kiri said that neteyam and lo'ak had to come to their senses and realize that you were gone again. the boys refused to believe that you would leave again, but as they approached the ikran nest, seeing syulang's corner abandoned gave them the answer they fought over. 

you had left.

"i told you she left. i mean for eywa's sake you guys bombarded her as soon as she got here!" kiri yelled at her family. she knew this was just displaced anger and that she didn't really mean it, but she was tired of holding her tongue. 

"don’t you dare say we bombarded her! she is my twin who died in front of me! eywa forgive me for wanting to hug her after she's been dead for two years!" neteyam yelled back at kiri; this just caused a huge family argument to break out.

tuk, who was standing to the side watching her family fall apart, couldn't help but cry. she just wanted her family to go back to normal. "stop fighting…" it came out as a whisper, her family arguing so loud that they hadn't even heard her. so she decided to make them hear her.

"STOP FIGHTING!!" everyones' heads snapped at the youngest sully child. little tuk had just raised her voice at them for the first time ever.

"give me a break! we are all hurt okay?! us, y/n, grandma, the clan? everyone is sad! we did bombard her! she has not been here for two years. we should have let her settle in first. i get it. you guys miss her. so do i, but ma sa'nu when you talked to her she looked so confused and scared. and nete, when she was hugging you her eyes were so empty. she looked so lost. we scared her away. we had a chance to make things normal again, to be a family again and all you guys could do was be selfish and think about yourselves!! i just miss her. i want her to come back, i–" tuk couldn't even finish what she was saying as her sobs overcame her. neytiri scooped up her youngest daughter, cradling her in her arms, trying to soothe her harsh cries.

tuk had just lectured their entire family, and nobody could be mad at her because she was right. neytiri realized that she had been pushy. jake and lo'ak, too, but it wasn't because they were trying to scare you. they just missed you so much they couldn't contain themselves. they had been selfish, putting their feelings over yours once again. it was the same way they lost you last time, and now, who knows where you went or when you left. the family just remained in their ikrans nest that night, needing all the warmth they could get as they all just held each other and cried.

you didn't think you could fly any longer. it had already been a few days, and you didn't see the forest anymore. you already didn't have a lot of energy due to you being dead for two years, but it didn't help that you left with absolutely no supplies to survive on your own. everything was starting to look the same. you felt like you were going in circles, seeing the same islands over and over. the ocean water was beautiful, you had to admit, but right now, all you could think about was if it would cushion your fall if you fell off your ikran. you knew it was only moments before you passed out from exhaustion.

the world started to spin as if it wasn't already, your vision was in and out, and you felt sleepy. you were exhausted and couldn't fly another second. as your body completely shut down, you fell off your ikran and into the waters below you, your tsaheylu disconnecting in the process.

had it not been for the hunters out at three brothers rock, you would have died. they noticed your ikran flying in the direction of their mainland, assuming you were a visitor and that they would meet you when they got back to the island, but they knew something was wrong when they noticed your form plummeting from the extreme height, completely motionless. 

they only took a few minutes to have you on the rock. they were nervous about doing cpr on you because you looked to be a teenager.

"ao'nung, come over here!" the hunter in charge called over the olo'eyktans son.

"what is it?" he said, noticing the tension in the air. he looked down, seeing you unconscious on the ground. his eyes widened. where had you come from? pushing that question aside, ao'nung took in your appearance, noticing how thin and weak you looked. he didn't know what it was, but it stirred something in him. you reminded him of his little sister, tsireya. if this was her, he would want one of the hunters to save her, so he put one arm under your shoulders and another under your leg and slid into the water, calling out to his ilu. 

"i'm bringing her to my mother immediately. she looks weak. i don't even know if she'll live, but i have to try." he said before taking off as fast as he could to the mainland. he noticed above him your ikran was flying at the same pace as him, probably too worried to leave your side.

when ao'nung got home holding an unconscious forest na'vi, he received a lot of weird glances from the clan's people, but he didn't care. he rushed home, looking for his mother.

pushing the flap open to see his mother had just put the last of her herbs away, ao'nung called out to his mom. 

"sa'nu! help! i– she needs help. please." hearing her son in distress, ronal was quick to give him her attention. instructing to lay the girl on the floor, she reminded herself to ask him where he had found her, but right now, she prioritized saving your life. she tried a healing remedy that would've usually worked, but you remained motionless. ronal put her ear to your chest, your heart was beating, but it was very faint. she knew only one thing she could do now, and it was the riskiest healing remedy known by all tsahiks. it has a minimal success rate but has healed some of the deadliest injuries known to eywa.  

once the remedy was made entirely, ronal told ao'nung to get out and find his father and sister before coming back. the boy nodded, walking out to find his sister. 

when he spotted tsireya riding on the ilus with her friends, he called her over. tsireya noticed her brother looked a bit more anxious than usual, so she excused herself and walked over. 

"brother what is wro– oh!" ao'nung pulled his little sister into the tightest hug he could muster. she remained shocked as her brother wasn't really one for physical affection at all unless it was from his mother. 

"please just– don't die on me, okay? at least not anytime soon. promise me, okay?" he said, pulling back and grabbing her shoulders as he looked into his sister's eyes. she just nodded and walked alongside her brother, wondering what on earth had him shaken up like this. 

upon retrieving his father, ao'nung returned with his father and his sister in tow. when they entered the tent, you were in ronal's arms, crying your heart out. the woman just looked up to her family, shushing them as she continued to provide you comfort. hearing your cries throughout their home hurt their hearts. you cried like you were hurt like you had experienced grave pain, and it was coming back to haunt you. 

from this moment on, the family decided they would take you in. they didn't know who or where you were from, but they wanted to heal you of this pain. their hearts hurt hearing how much pain your heart had to endure. there's a reason why eywa brought you to them, and they were not about to let you go.

you had been living amongst the metkayina clan for about half a year now. you weren't even recognizable from when you had arrived at the clan. when you got here, you were thin as a twig, you never had the energy to do anything, and you cried yourself to sleep every night. now, you had filled out your form, even gaining a bit of muscle from adapting to the metkayina ways. you had also completed your iknimaya, which meant you were allowed to get a tattoo. you choose to get two. the pain was well worth it, though, because once your leg sleeve and arm tattoo were complete, you couldn't have been happier. 

you finally felt like your life was worth living again. you no longer cried yourself to sleep; instead, you snuck out with your brother and sister, going to the small island where all the young na'vi hang out. you were finally happy. the great mother had brought you home. she had returned you to your family. 

the only odd thing was your dreams recently. you dreamed of the forest, of nantangs, woodsprites, and ikrans. things that have nothing to do with the metkayina. it was weird. you felt like eywa was trying to shove memories in your brain, but you were so at peace with your life that you disregarded it, too caught up, in reality, to be bothered by silly dreams. 

you loved life on the beaches, in the sand, underwater, just taking in the beauty of awat'alu as you sat on a rock. at the same time, you watched ao'nung, tsireya, and rotxo playing on their ilus in the water. they were splashing each other, just taking time to be the teenagers they knew they'll never be again. you were about to cannonball in the water to join them when you all heard the horns of the clan being blown, announcing new arrivals. 

you all stopped what you were doing, looking toward the screeches you heard. you knew that sound, that was bob, jake's ikran.

wait a minute… what?

whos jake?

‘jake sully’ said a voice in your head. you recognized it as she had spoken to you once before, but you couldn't remember where. 

why is this name coming to your head right now? you felt your wrist being grabbed by your sister, tsireya. she dragged you to the beaches of your clan's home, where everyone else had gathered. you stood behind your father, tonowari, as you continued to think about the name that came to your head. who is jake sully, and why did you just remember his name? 

"my children, ao'nung, tsireya, and–" tonowari paused, looking to his side at his children, realizing one was missing, until he turned around and realized you were just hiding behind him. 

"–and my youngest, y/n, will teach your children the ways of our home, so you do not suffer the burden of being useless here," tonowari stepped aside, pushing you in front of him, so the family who had arrived could see you. 

you looked up to make eye contact with the first person you spotted.

"tuktuk." the words were quiet from your mouth. the little girl, who had her head tucked into her mother's neck, perked up when she heard the nickname you used to call her.

"kiri, cut it out. that is not funny!" tuk said, looking at her sister, offended she would play a sick joke on her like that after they had just left their home. 

jake and neytiri decided to move their family from the omatikaya clan, deciding that being there reminded them too much of you. it hurt to continue to live on the soil that you died on. so they up and moved their whole family elsewhere, flying towards warmer air and gorgeous waters. they fully expected to be able to find uturu with jake being toruk makto and their war being over. what they hadn't expected to see was their dead runaway daughter standing amongst a sea of teal na'vi.

slowly walking towards the family, tonowari called out to you, but ronal placed her hand on her mate's chest, telling him to shut up and watch what was happening.

"tuktuk," you repeated as you walked towards the girl. when tuk realized that the voice was coming from in front of her and not behind her, she turned her head around, her yellow eyes meeting yours. 

"y/n!!" tuk practically dropped herself from her moms' arms, running up to you. 

you met her halfway, falling to your knees, pulling your little sister into a hug, her face in your neck as you supported her head. as you looked at each one of them, their names, faces, and memories came back. you remembered everything. 

"and you're neteyam, and lo'ak and kiri!" when your siblings heard you say their names, it was like a switch in them flipped. within seconds they were all in the sand hugging you and tuk, crying because you finally remembered them. 

you pulled back from the hug, looking at the two people who hadn't joined the hug yet. 

"sempu," you said, reaching your hand out to jake. he didn't even try to conceal his tears as he allowed himself to join his children in their hug. 

your mother still stood there in awe. neytiri was scared. she was the reason you left last time and didn't want to scare you away again, so she just stood with tears rolling down her face, not knowing what to do. for the first time in her life, neytiri didn't know what to do. 

you could see the hesitation in her eyes. but you were confused as to why. neytiri was the only one who treated you right before you died… so why is she the last to come to you.

"mom?" you called out to her, but she didn't move. did she not want you anymore? has she gotten used to the family without you? 

you tried once more, refusing to lose your family again. "sa'nu, please." a tear rolled down your cheek, looking into your mother's eyes. you saw all the hurt and stress, everything she had to endure while you were gone. 

hearing you call her sa'nu was the last push neytiri needed before she fell to her knees and joined her family's embrace. you have returned. you returned to your family, and you were safe. everyone pulled back from you, taking in your appearance. you had matured a lot since the last time they saw you. you and neteyam were about the same height now, but your muscles surpassed his due to all the swimming you do. 

you noticed that he had noticed too, and you just nudged his shoulder with your own, "do not worry, twin, i will teach you everything you will need to know. maybe you will grow up to be big and strong like me," you teased your twin. neteyam rolled his eyes, laughing along with you. 

"woah! y/n, you have a tattoo?" lo'ak asked as he looked at your left leg. you just laughed at his silly question. of course, that's the first thing he asks you. 

"she has two! there's one on this arm as well," kiri said, holding out your right arm so they could see the tattoo that you had there as well. 

"no fair, mom, i want a tattoo." tuk said, whining to her mother. neytiri laughed at her daughter's statement and just pet her head, moving her braids out her face. "maybe when you're older, tuk," she said.

"babygirl," your father grabbed your attention. "i just want you to know that we are all so sorry for how we treated you before you past–" you cut your father off, shaking your head. 

"it is in the past. the great mother may have returned my memories but it is me who gets to choose which ones to remember. i want to leave the past behind me. i have found a new home here. new peace. a found family who loves me dearly. i don't want you guys to feel like you have to atone to anything. eywa has given us a new start, so i think we should welcome it with open arms instead of trying to mend that has already been healed," you really had matured in your time away from the sullys. 

they all looked at one another. if that was what you wanted, they would be sure to leave the past in the past so they can embrace the chance to make things right with you. 

you stood, the rest of the sullys following. you walked back over to tonowari and ronal, pulling them into a hug. 

"just because my memories have returned does not mean that you are not my family anymore. you have all helped and healed me from wounds that i did not know i had so i can only thank you, sempu, sa'nu. you guys are my found family and i would not trade you for the world." smiling up at your other parents. Wow, this is gonna get confusing, but you were more than excited to have two families. 

you looked over and pulled ao'nung and tsireya into the hug as well. "you guys, too, thank you so much," you said to your siblings. they couldn't do anything but hug you back. you may not be their biological blood, but they could care less. you are now one of their people. ronal and tonowari will always see you as their daughter, and ao'nung and tsireya will always see you as their sister. you will always be family to them. 

you and tsireya decided to guide the sully family to their new home, as ronal had allowed them to stay. you noticed that lo'ak was eying your sister up quite a bit and decided that you would tease him about it later. you were just happy to finally feel at peace. you finally had the family, the life you had dreamed of. 

you couldn't do anything except thank eywa for all the good she brought into your life. 

‘you're welcome, my child.’ it was the same voice that you heard earlier. when you realized that she was responding to your thanks, if you finally clicked whose voice you were hearing. 

it was eywa.

she was with you. she had always been. throughout this journey, she made sure to stick by your side. that was something that you couldn't be more grateful for. 

‘be free my child, allow nothing from here on out to hold you back. you are meant to live a happy life, and now you are able to do so.’

[1moreff-creator]

Is there some type of masterpost for all the crazy hidden stuff for Despair Time? like the hidden quotes, the Mai stuff, a comprehensive guide to LGI?

Well, there’s been a few really useful posts over the years. There’s the Secret Quotes, “All you have to do…” Page, Mai Quotes, About Page Text masterpost by despairing-disaster, which I must have visited 15000 times; accirax’s episode guide is a great resource even if it’s not exactly what you asked for; and at the risk of sounding a bit arrogant, I think my Mai post and my full LGI analysis video “A Full Vivisection of the David MV” are good for their respective subject, though they're more analysis than "masterpost". But, for the purposes of having it all in one place, here’s my

DRDT SECRETS MASTERPOST

Spoilers up to and including CH2 EP16

-About Page Text

The source code of DRDT's About Page holds (or held at some point?) the following text:

“You don’t understand, do you? I used to be like you. I barely remember, but I used to be like you. I cared so much about people, I cried everytime someone was hurt. I suffered for a long time stuck in here caring about people." "I know what you’re going through. You’re going to hold on as long as you have, with hope that you can make it out of here with everyone. Then you’re going to despair. That lasts a while, too." Then you’ll get bored. Like me. And you’ll wish you were still suffering. Anything else is better than boredom. "I wish I could feel something, anything else, other than being bored. I’m stuck in here for eternity, and I know everything that could possibly happen. I know how everyone reacts to a murder, what makes people turn to despair, what fills people with hope and make them survive until we all run out of food and starve to death." "I wish I could feel terrified, or afraid, or angry. But I can’t anymore. I don’t feel anything at all except boredom." Do you understand, Teacher? "This is why I’m letting you suffer as long as possible. Because it’s better than the alternative." I’m sorry. I don’t envy you. You’ll understand eventually.

(Note: The quotations marks are placed exactly as they are in the code, but the importance of this is debatable)

-Secret Quotes

Quotes hidden in the source code of each character’s personal page. Ordered here by the order in the cast list.

Teruko: It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all. Xander: survivor guilt(n): feelings of guilt for having survived a catastrophe in which others died. Charles: If you forgot it, then it probably wasn’t important to begin with. None of those memories should ever be kept, anyway. Ace: I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Arei: Because that’s what friends do. Rose: In the end, the only thing I can do is watch my wretched life go on. Hu: I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live. Eden: You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try. Levi: I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness. Arturo: You hated them, but even that doesn’t justify what you did. Min: I wanted to save you. David: I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you could just die. Veronika: Once something is broken, it can never be pieced together in quite the same way again. The same goes for people. J: Please don’t call me your daughter ever again. Whit: We tend to idolize the dead. Nico: Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made? MonoTV: Her name is Mai Akasaki.

-"All you have to do..." Page

By using MonoTV's quote to get the name, typing in https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/maiakasaki into search shows a page with this text:

“All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I’ll give it to you. Ask for my life, and I’ll give it to you as well. Don’t apologize for asking. I’ll give you my forgiveness too.”

(Bolded text highlighted for reading comfort)

Source code hides the following text:

“Are you still searching for a secret? For some explanation that will satisfy you? There’s no answer I can give you that will make you happy. Maybe I should have lied instead. I’m sorry.”

The bolded letters in this page gives you the code AOAVIEPKRO, which when typed in the same way as Mai's name (https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/AOAVIEPKRO) gives you the linked Mai Akasaki character page (you can also just Google it nowadays).

-Mai Quotes

Entering the Mai page displays, at random, one of the following quotes. The source code gives them an order and relates them to a specific character. Ordered here in the same way the code does it.

Teruko: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named 'Teruko Tawaki.' Charles: A girl who loves her family. Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others. Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone. Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm. Whit: A girl with many friends. Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up. J: She kept it a secret, and told no one. Hu: A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe. Nico: Everyone confided in her. Ace: A girl who had a bright future. Arei: She doesn't like it when her friends fight. Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her. Xander: She couldn't stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn't foresee the consequences. David: She forgives everyone. MonoTV: It's all your fault.

-Second Anniversary Secret Code

There are two columns, one with letters, a dot, apostrophes and spaces, across from the other, with numbers. By rearranging the "rows" in order (1-2-3...), you get "It's all your fault." (Dot included).

-Character Playlist

At one point, dev uploaded a playlist of sixteen songs, where each one was meant to be connected to one of the characters in some way. The playlist has been privated/deleted, so here’s a recreation made by venus-is-thinking. Below are listed the songs in the order they show up in the playlist, although it’s unclear if the order means anything or they’re completely randomized. I find the latter more likely btw.

-Diamond is Unbreakable from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure OST -Sing Along by Sturgill Simpson -RUNAWAY by half•alive -cartoons by Louie Zong -asymptotic by Louie Zong, Unofficial Extended Edit by Axolotl Dreams -アイアルの勘違い (A Mistaken Belief of Love) by Niru Kajitsu, cover by yama -春嵐 (Shunran) by John -イヱスマン (Yesman) by NILFRUITS, covered by Noristry and カケリネ (Kakerine) -アンデッドエネミー (Undead Enemy) by Suzumu and Giga-P, covered by 松下 (Matsushita) -Drawing Pins by Nothing but Thieves -ハイファイ進化論 (Hi-fi Evolution Theory) by 稀雨 ("Rare Rain") and ふぁるすてぃ (Farusti) -tip toes by half•alive -ポリゴナル (Polygonal) by ふぁるすてぃ (Farusti) -Spitfire (05 Version) by The Prodigy -desk rotation by HALLEY LABS -Good Grief by Bastille

******

Literature Girl Insane

Naturally this gets a whole section for itself. That said, I will ask that you watch Vivisection (linked above) for every visual detail, piece of text, color connection theory, language theory... basically everything that wouldn't be considered a puzzle or a code in some way.

-Footnotes

Numbers which appear attached to certain parts of text, which are referenced in the video's description to give them extra meaning. Refer to this post for images of all the footnotes, as well as a first impression analysis.

[Footnote Number] Description Text -> Text it's attached to in the video. [Time of appearance and link] {Notes}

[1] In this situation, it is better to use full names over nicknames. Exclude our protagonist—he is not “that person.” -> Now [1:22] {Crosswords puzzle}

[2] Other examples include Drosophila melanogaster and E. coli. -> an albino mouse, arabidopsis. [3:02]

[3] From Title 17 of the United States Code. -> A “derivative work” is a work based upon one or more preexisting works, such as a translation, musical arrangement, dramatization, fictionalization, motion picture version, sound recording, art reproduction, abridgment, condensation, or any other form in which a work may be recast, transformed, or adapted. A work consisting of editorial revisions, annotations, elaborations, or other modifications which, as a whole, represent an original work of authorship, is a “derivative work”. [2:18] {Tumblr why did you remove yellow you're fucking up my color scheme}

[4] The practice of avoiding the number four; it is most common in East Asia. This superstition arises from the fact that the number four can be read similar to the word “death” in multiple languages. -> subtract 4, due to tetraphobia [1:46]

[5] As the translation has been intentionally botched in many parts, it should not be considered accurate. -> (translation needed) [3:10] {The text is "(translation needed)", not that I need a tanslation :v}

[6] (Prayer) -> 🙏 [2:02] {Extremely small and almost invisible, bottom right of the hands}

[7] Seven is considered an auspicious number in many Western cultures. Let's just skip it. -> Mind [2:41]

[8] ‘Tut, tut, child!’ said the Duchess. ‘Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.’ -/> N/A. This footnote cannot be found, as it is not in the video. [N/A]

[9] no respect for the classics smh -> So sing a degraded copy [2:07]

[10] The Roman numeral for 10 is X -> X [2:00] {Very small, top right of X}

[11] I admit to lying. There is no one named ••••• •••••. I am, and always have been, an only child -> suspicious gaps [1:32] {Still no idea what the hell is going on here}

[12] “Majority rule” is known to be the fairest method of making decisions for a group. That’s why murderers never complained when we voted for them to die -> Tallying votes… [2:02]

[13] 正 -> correct [2:40] {Refer to "Tally 5" for further information}

[14] Hint: word length of 256 -> = [3:52] {Refer to "Footnote 14 Puzzle" for further information}

[15] “Ignorance is bliss” is an idiom used to say that it is better to remain ignorant about certain harsh truths, in order to avoid causing oneself stress. The expression comes from a 1742 Thomas Gray poem (“Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College"): “Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.” -> Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"? [1:47] {Again excuse the lack of yellow}

[16] While it was originally intended to serve as a military march, today it is most commonly recognized for its association with circuses and tomfoolery. -> [sheet of music] [2:49] {The song referenced is "Entry of the Gladiators," so it's presumed that's what the sheet shows. I couldn't find an exact match, but online sheets look similar enough}

[17] Not a real word. Can't be found in any dictionary. -> Democratic-ly [2:00]

[18] A/N: soz not very good at drawing flowers lol!!! -> dandelions (weed) [3:04]

[19] A dialogue between two individuals that serves as a discussion of moral and philosophical issues. -> Will you forget what you've done, I wonder? [3:42]

[20] It is considered by many to be outdated, providing little-to-no insight on human nature. -> The Kübler-Ross model postulates that those who experience grief go through a s[] of five consecutive stages: [1:53]

[21] Deriving from the Latin phrase “Et cetera” : meaning “and other (similar) things”, “and so forth”, or “and the rest (of such things)” : abbreviated to etc., etc, et cet., &c. or &c -> etc. [3:48]

[22] The rest is silence. -> [4:21] {This footnote shows up on its own on a black screen, that's why there's no associated text}

-Roman Numerals

The crosswords attached to footnote 1 can be completed in the following way, attaching each character (minus David plus Mai) to a numeral.

Below are all the numerals, listed in numerical order. Refer to this post for images.

[Numeral] [Character] Text it's attached to *Background text* *Other background text* [Time stamp and link] {Notes}

[I] [Xander] (the world of abnormal sentiment dances) *I have always looked up to you* [3:50] {Refer to "Footnote 14 Puzzle" for further information}

[II] [Rose] Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum [1:34] {Translation: I think therefore I am (disturbed)}

[III] [Charles] If you doubt brittle things are broken *And now here’s my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye* [1:37]

[IV] [Arei] Right now, why do you cry? [1:39]

[V] [Ace] Right now, why you go insane? *A cat has 9 additional lives* *I am but mad north-northwest. When the wind is  southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.* [1:42]

[VI] [Arturo] mind exercises 1 2 3 4 [2:41]

[VII] [J] Do it like that, let’s live together! *The Moral La[w] causes the people to be in com[plete accord] with their ruler, so that they wi[ll f]ollo[w] [him] regard[less of] their lives, undis[mayed] by any danger* [2:10]

[VIII] [Nico] even if i try to think, idk!!! [2:44]

[IX] [Levi] look, aside from that, give me the usual medicine *[Extract from a scientific paper on Shoemaker-Levy 9]* [2:46]

[X] [Min] Democratic-ly *In the case of a murder, all survivors must participate in a class trial. During this trial, everyone must discuss and vote for one of the remaining participants as the "blackened" murderer* *👈👈* *👉👉* *🙏* [2:00]

[XI] [Mai] God is dead [1:48]

[XII] [Eden] ???: But you're in my way, aren't you? [2:28]

[XIII] [Teruko] or *Only the eyes belied this assumption. They were small, deep set and crafty. Not only that. As the man, making some remark to his young companion, glanced across the room, his gaze stopped on Poirot for a moment, and just for that second there was a strange malevolence, and unnatural tensity in the glance* *Those are the terms. To exchange all the goodness and grace of every life in Omelas for that single, small improvement: to throw away the happiness of thousands for the chance of happiness of one: that would be to let guilt within the walls indeed.* [1:55]

[XIV] [Veronika] Things like substance of the arts *subtract 4, due to tetraphobia* [1:44]

[XV] [Whit] Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"? *subtract 4, due to tetraphobia* [1:46]

[XVI] [Hu] ???: Go and cry. [2:27]

Windings

At 0:35, windings text flashes on screen. It's the beginning of Never Gonna Give you Up by Rick Astley. Yep.

-"What is the most important thing?"

To this day the best answer we have to this is replacing each question mark with the corresponding letter of "RESOLVE." If you find something else, please tell me.

-Bullet-Finding

The MV tells us to find six bullets, but if you look at the top left book, it says "(hint: no you can't)" Here are the five bullets which can be found.

-Morse Code

At the end of LGI, the following Morse code flashes on screen.

-.-- --- ..- / … - .. .-.. .-.. / -… . .-.. .. . …- . -.. / .. -. / -- . / -.. . … .--. .. - . / . …- . .-. -.-- - …. .. -. --. / .. .----. …- . / -.. --- -. . .-.-.-

-… ..- - / - …. .- - .----. … / .--- ..- … - / ..-. .- -. - .- … -.-- --..-- / .. … -. .----. - / .. - ..--..

.. / … .. -- .--. .-.. -.-- / -.-. …. --- … . / - --- / -… . .-.. .. . …- . / - …. .- - / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. -.. .-.-.-

.- ..-. - . .-. / .- .-.. .-.. --..-- / .. .----. -- / .. -. -.-. .- .--. .- -… .-.. . / --- ..-. / -… . .. -. --. / … --- -- . --- -. . / .-- .. - …. --- ..- - / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.-

Which translates to:

YOU STILL BELIEVED IN ME DESPITE EVERYTHING I’VE DONE.

BUT THAT’S JUST FANTASY, ISN’T IT?

I SIMPLY CHOSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DID.

AFTER ALL, I’M INCAPABLE OF BEING SOMEONE WITHOUT YOU.

-Footnote 14 Puzzle

(Solved by y-prime) (Apologies if I get any of the technicalities wrong, I'm not good with codes)

After Numeral I flashes on screen, you get a bunch of numbers, followed by an ampersand (&), more numbers, an equal symbol (=) attached to footnote 14, and a bunch of question marks. Footnote 14 is "Hint: word length of 256," and 256 is 2^8, which is 8 bits in binary. This tells us we need to get a binary code using the bitwise AND (&). If you're uninformed, I was too, but basically, & first transforms decimal numbers into 5 digit binary, giving the next values:

14631484268173741020143036451175923368636278930404923743082436772069705217326 -> 10000001011001001000000110101001101001011101100110010110101000111100010110110001110111011000010111100111110011001000001110110011101111011011110110101101100101011101000010100001110101011101000010000101111100111011110011000011111001111111110111010100101110

43607886503718811525798764321686495628071353085956330717581498375291444100526 -> 110000001101001001100000110100001100001011101110110010100100000011010010110110001111111011000010111100101110011011100100110110101101111011011110110101101110101011001110010000101111101011100000010100001110100011011110110000001111001011011110111110110101110

Note: The second value is actually 255 digits long in binary, the first is 254 (don't- do not ask me how this happens, it's what the decoder gave me). Arbitrarily, you have to delete the first 1 from the second value.

Then, & compares each number in the binary, and returns 0 if at least one of the values is 0, or 1 if both values are 1. This gives you:

10000001001001001000000110100001100001011101100110010100100000011000010110110001110111011000010111100101110011001000000110110001101111011011110110101101100101011001000010000001110101011100000010000001110100011011110010000001111001011011110111010100101110

Which is 254 characters, you need 256. Arbitrarily, add two 0s at the beginning of that final code. When converted from 8 digit binary to text, you get "I have always looked up to you."

(I hope you appreciate the detailed explanation it took me hours to figure out what y-prime did they're so much better at this than me T_T)

-Tally 5

(Originally solved, to my knowledge, by anderscim)

Although originally we weren't meant to share the solution, I think over a full year after the video, with Part 2 fully out, the embargo is surely over by now.

On the books in LGI, there is a QR code which takes you to https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/tally5. This page has only a text box where you can input text, and a title asking "Was I correct?"

The "Was I correct?" connects this to the "correct/incorrect" scene attached to footnote 13, which itself is 正, a Chinese symbol which can mean "just" or "correct." Additionally, this is a way that people in eastern countries tally up sets of five, the way you might see someone use something like 卌, which connects it to the infamous "tally5" URL.

Transcribe the text, and separate it in sets of up to five characters (hence the whole "tally 5" thing), and ignore line breaks (the end of line two has four at the end, completed by the d in row three. I more or less followed the line breaks for visual clarity). Pick the first number of each set, as highlighted below.

3aqxw 97pkt c8uki 458fb dpfoa cllex 2f07b f8mg2 4b4mp fx2a(d) c6v3f 5yhxj d8i7s f1l31 2zaj5  1azet 47jod 5jcze c5mvb 6bz2o 59r14 3sf2p e916s czen7 emvbl 55ehe 9iqb2 708tt 83482 c8tw3 c77gn 47ojc a634g bcfz0 0l6s6 47wwl akcn4 6bre1 e0eam 9

Provided you've done everything correctly, you should get39c4dc2f4fc5df2145c653ece5978cc4ab04a6e9. Put that in the "Was I correct?" text box and you get the following image (you will most likely only see the top part, but copying the image and pasting it elsewhere shows the text at the bottom as well):

I became a villain in pursuit of your dream.

I threw away my humanity for an ideal I couldn't understand.

But I don't regret it. To "regret" is to imply that I could have done anything else.

I never told you, but the truth is, I wasn't capable of ever becoming human in the first place.

So in the end, you are always-

****

-Notable Visual Details

This part is mostly subjective. If you feel something shouldn't be here or I missed something, it's because these are just the details I personally consider noteworthy, or I forgot to add something (I'm open to suggestions here). Also I'm ignoring LGI in this section otherwise I would need 15000 screenshots.

+Fork Fun

(From left to right: Pre-prologue scene of bloody hands, Xander's eye wound from the Trial 1 investigation, Eden CG from CH2 Ep13. The first shows a bloody fork on the table, Xander's eye wound is consistent with a slash of a fork, and Eden's hand is bloody, holding a fork)

+Teruko's Mystery Voter

(Voting results in each trial so far. Teruko received two votes in T1, and one in T2)

+Camellias (Unnamed Classmate and Mai connection)

(Left: Mai profile, her tattoo. Right: Bonus episode 2. Same flowers)

+Matching tattoo? (Teruko and Mai)

(Left: CH2 EP2 Teruko changing, a small black line can be seen on her left arm, similar to the stems of the flowers of Mai's tattoo. Right: Jacket off reference, a question mark is shown besides Teruko's left arm)

+Matching phone charms (Teruko and Mai)

(Left: Teruko's Monopad, CH2 Ep1. Right: Unnamed Classmate's phone, from Bonus Episode 1)

+Drawing on Teruko's Floor

(A drawing which appears on the floor of Teruko's room in CH2 EP3, and disappears in CH2 EP7)

+Whit's Hand Behind the Back.

(After the cast learns the elevator won't open after Levi gets shot, Whit pulls out his unhinged sprite, where he has his hand behind his back. Personally I don't find this important, but I'll feel stupid if it is and I didn't add it, so)

+Thanatophobia: Names on the graves.

(From left to right: "Elliot Cuevas", "Felicity Giles", "Taylor Riley." I promise it's easier to see when Tumblr doesn't compress the images. This is the main series way we get the names of Charles' brother, Arturo's sister, and Ace's old friend)

+(AltDRDT) Teacher's ID Card

(Transcript: "This ID card is the property of Hope’s Peak Academy. Use of this ID card by any person other than the rightful holder is prohibited. Report lost or stolen ID cards by contacted 555-483-7367.")

+(AltDRDT) XF and Min's matching pin.

(Yep, matching tie pin. Btw, Min doesn't have it in her Bonus Episode or the Sleepy MV. Did she only get this at the start of the killing game?)

-Potentially Important Posts

Nothing "secret," per say, but a compilation of some of the posts the dev has made which I consider to contain important information.

-CH1 QnA.

-Bonus Episode QnA.

-2 Year Anniversary (Already mentioned).

-Jacket off Reference (Already mentioned).

-CH2 PT1 QnA. Note: Certain answers were deleted. Here's a reblog with some of them, and below is a screenshot of a particularly interesting answer which was not saved by any reblog.

-Teruko's Brother Back Reveal (4 year anniversary).

---

That's everything I currently remember for now. If you feel I missed anything, feel free to tell me about it! I'll try to edit this post to remain up-to-date with all the insane stuff in this series.

Anyways, hope that's enough for the ask! Thanks for giving me an excuse to make this!

[sebastianswallows]

The Little Death — 10. Something more than immediate joy

— PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Bene Gesserit!Reader

— SYNOPSIS: A Bene Gesserit gets left behind in the Arrakeen palace. When Feyd becomes the Planetary Governor, he finds her there in hiding. The Harkonnens don't traditionally keep them as truthsayers or concubines like other Houses do, but Feyd might have a use for her. After all, he's never had a Bene Gesserit of his own before.

— WARNINGS: none

— WORDCOUNT: 2k

— TAGLIST: @elf-punk @lowlyloved @pomtherine @slytherins-heir @babyofneptune @localravenclaw @missbingu @wo-ming-bai @torossosebs

People always want something more than immediate joy or that deeper sense called happiness. This is one of the secrets by which we shape the fulfilment of our designs. — Leadership Secrets of the Bene Gesserit

When she was done tending to Feyd she tried to start her morning but found she hardly could. Still a little dizzy after the night before, and weak and sore, she thought to take a shower but remembered that they were on Arrakis. She’d have a better chance of trying to bathe in gold. Water was more available in the palace than among the natives, even in Arrakeen, but they were all subject to restrictions. All of them except the ruling class. Feyd offered to let her wash with him when he saw how dour and upset she was as she scrubbed her body clean with a rough cloth — a suggestion he made with ample delight — but she wasn’t ready to be so close to him again.

“Are you sure?” he asked, cocking a smooth brow.

“Yes, thank you,” she muttered, feeling bitter that he even offered. She would not find herself in his debt, not for physical comforts at least.

Her mind was still reeling from his viciousness and love throughout the morning. He had been merciless in taking her, and to her shame, he noticed how much she enjoyed it by the end. She was never supposed to enjoy it… At least that wasn’t her plan. It terrified her to think that maybe it was his. And then, as if she hadn’t been confused enough, he’d melted before her like a globe of snow when she sat in his lap to paint his teeth all black. She was quite relieved when he left her for the day, but not before placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. His lips felt softer than she thought they should.

Meditation was ruined as well. All her thoughts kept turning to him, to herself, to what they’d done together, to how she submitted. It was all going according to her plan for survival — he liked her and he seemed to like her more and more each day. She should have been happy because with each humiliation she was closer to getting off that planet, maybe even rejoining her Sisters. So why wasn’t she happy…? Why wasn’t she even satisfied with herself and instead felt a disappointment? Every way she turned her thoughts she met a wall built by herself and which she was too scared to pull back down. It was a decision her mind almost made for her that she should wander off outside the palace and into Arrakeen. She knew the lay of the city and could navigate it even blind if need be, even though she hadn’t been there more than a dozen times throughout her stay. I have to be somewhere that doesn’t remind me of him, she thought, justifying it to herself.

The streets of Arrakeen had the quality of being loud and quiet all at once. The stilted Fremen speech had adapted among the city dwellers to something more descriptive, more precise, bordering on rude and yet eminently practical. Low voices carried far between those square stone buildings and the noise of animals and pottery filled in all the empty spaces. The market drew her in by being the noisiest, perfect for forgetting and losing herself in a crowd. With her black robes and the veil around her head, she could pass through unseen, without drawing any glances. Raw artistry surrounded her from every side, simple things with quite elaborate designs, ordinary objects vastly different from anything found now within the Harkonnen-held palace but frail, and temporary, and weak. Nothing caught her eye, but nothing had to. She wasn’t there to buy. But she stopped when something glinted on a seller’s table that snagged on her memory and pulled her in. As she approached, a shadow swathed in black among a sea of grey and brown, she realised why the little broken items were so familiar to her. They were scraps from when the Atreides were there. Leftovers picked up after the sacking… Stolen, perhaps, but certainly with no owner now.

“What does the lady want?” the merchant asked in his weak, raspy voice. Only his eyes were visible, bright blue from between threadbare rags.

“Nothing,” she said, still looking at his wares.

“Cheap,” he said. “One Solari for ten.”

“No, thank you.”

“Twenty.”

“I don’t barter,” she said, shocking him into silence.

Still, she stayed and looked, her eyes traversing the items on their own as if her mind had her own design. Memories of her past life came to her just from the gentle glint of a spoon, its handle beautifully ornate with little silver waves, or a hair comb with two teeth missing, or a half-filled bottle of perfume. She wondered if she’d ever see such things again, items small and beautiful just for beauty’s sake, bright and coloured and loved. She was sick already of Harkonnen black... But these thoughts were unworthy of a Bene Gesserit, and she pulled herself away before the merchant could tempt her into spending her paltry sum of money on a useless thing. And she was in mid-step when she noticed from the corner of her eye a square and greenish thing that had often appeared in her nightmares as a girl. She stopped, head turned toward it to confirm what she was seeing, and remained transfixed.

It was difficult to barter its price down once the merchant saw her interest, and she was reluctant to use the Voice over so small a thing, but she bought it in the end for a fraction of what it was worth, even though it missed its poisoned needle. It was a Gom Jabbar, or more specifically the box that went with one. Impossible to say if it belonged to the ladies Jessica or Margot or to someone else, but it was hers now, and she walked back to the palace with a new spring in her step.

Feyd had asked for one of these at their first meeting, and as she got to know him she learned just how much he enjoyed pain. Their first night together with her between his legs came back as a dizzying flash in her mind and made her blush. She could return to that again now, return to that sense of power over him — and make him happy too. A part of her was also privately excited to see just how he would react. How long he’d last.

She hid herself in some small room upon arriving, far away from the shouting and the crying that came along with the Harkonnen household. And there in dark and silence she took it out, placed her hand in it, and felt the still familiar burn. She had to try it out before she presented it to him. Find out if it worked. Find out if it hurt just as badly as it used to. This is just what he needs, she thought, and perhaps what I need too. The agony ran up her arm, singing her nerves, setting her skin on fire, and settled like a swarm of butterflies at the back of her head. Her body sang with the instinct to pull her hand away — and she could, she could at any time. There was no Gom Jabbar at her neck, no Reverend Mother there. But there was something about knowing that it wasn’t real, something about knowing that she was safe while doing it that made her addicted to the feeling. Her eyes stung, her heart stuttered, and a cry fought its way out of her throat. It was decadent, being able to cry out with no one there to hear it…

When she greeted Feyd that evening in his quarters, he paused at the sight of her. The expression on his face gave her perverted joy.

“Hello,” he greeted gently, slowly letting the doors behind him close. “Good day?”

“You can say that…”

“You’re smiling. Glowing, even…”

She sat upon the windowsill, leaning in a sapless pose against the wall, and watched him as he watched her while he moved across the room. He took his blades out first and placed them on the table, as he often did, and started to undo his armour.

“Let me help you,” she said.

“I thought that sort of thing was beneath you,” he murmured as she came close.

She smiled as she began to pull the straps away, first at his arms and then his chest and then around his waist.

“I only do it,” she whispered, “because I want to.”

“And why do you want to?”

“Do you check your spice for the perfect shade of orange?”

“I have it checked for poison.”

“No you don’t,” she laughed.

“No, I don’t, but perhaps I should.”

She pulled his armour away, smiling — because she knew he was more delighted than suspicious.

“Sit on the bed,” she said softly, brushing a hand across his naked shoulder. “I have a gift for you.”

He seemed to choke on hearing that and a thought like a cloud passed over his mind. She wondered if he had any bad associations with gifts — because he seemed to — but she was in far too good a mood to worry about that now. Feyd listened to her and sat down, and waited with a knot in his throat for her to come back to him in her veil of vaporous black. She didn’t show him what she had until she was right in front of him, kneeling, with the little thing she had hidden in a drawer by the bed.

“You asked me for something on the day we met. Something I can give to you now. Something I think you deserve���”

“You’re awfully vague for someone so happy,” he said archly, leaning back on his strong arms. “Well? What is it?”

“If you’ll be petulant, you’ll get nothing.”

“You better give it to me before I turn petulant, then.”

“Incorrigible…” she muttered.

Feyd didn’t seem too sure he would enjoy her gift until she unfolded the towel she’d hidden it in and revealed the small metal box. He recognised it immediately and his face turned from a frown to a smile to a look of wonder.

“I thought you said —”

“I only found it today. Left by the Atreides, I believe.”

She tilted her head slightly as she looked up at him. He was like a child getting a long-desired birthday present, and she couldn’t help but want to coddle him. And what a dour present it was… To anyone other than a Harkonnen it would’ve been an insult, even an ill omen, or at least exceedingly strange. Not to Feyd though. He reached out for it, his pale hand suspended in the air for just a moment, then pulled away.

“Does it still work?”

“It does.”

“How do you know?” he asked, then paused to look into her eyes. “You tried it,” he noted with a grin. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Not as much as you seem to,” she smirked. “In fact, not much at all. It brings back… uneasy memories.”

“We’ll make new memories together, then.”

How sweet he is, she thought, when he gets what he wants.

She placed it on the bed beside him with her hand above and looked into his eyes. He’d done it before. He knew what followed. He swallowed the knot in his throat and took in deep breaths, steeling himself the way he would before a fight in the arena.

“Do you want to put your hand inside it?” she whispered.

Feyd kept his gaze fixed on the little thing as if he expected a scorpion to crawl out of its mouth. If he were capable of it, he would have blushed.

“How long do I have to keep it inside?” he asked in a rough low voice.

She reached into her dress again, moving as slowly as a snake, and then, in a motion that was deceivingly calm as if she did it every night, she took out a slender blade.

“As long as you can,” she said, holding the edge against his stomach. “That’s the game.”

Feyd’s eyes moved to the knife against his skin and then he looked at her and giggled. He placed his hand in the box and licked his lips, his pale eyes staring her down from above.

[chloe-skywalker]

Protection - Jaime Lannister

Jaime x fem!reader Stark

Warnings: GOT

Word count: 2,033

Summary: Reader is a Stark stuck in King's Landing after everything and including her fathers death. The only one that seems to care about her is shockingly Jaime Lannister.

Authors Note: I think after the changes Jaime’s character made from being held captive by the Stark’s and losing his hand plus his time with Brienne that he would be protective of the Stark girls. The oath he made to Catelyn he didn’t want to break, so I think that means something. Just like he couldn’t himself but he helped himself and Breinne by sending her to go look after and find Arya and Sansa. - I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to be romantic or him protecting her because she resembled what he thought a daughter of his own would be like or if he was honoring his promise to Catelyn. I tried to leave it open.

Masterlist

Game Of Thrones Masterlist

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Y/n didn’t understand what she had done in life to deserve this treatment. To have the recent events happen in her life. To watch her little brother almost die from a horrible fall, to then having to watch her father be executed, she didn’t know where her youngest sister was, she had to watch her other younger sister be tormented by a brat that was only going to become a awful king, and her older brother by a year had started a war to get them back with their mother by his side.

But how she had managed to have the Queen’s rath bestowed upon her in physical abuse. Y/n didn’t know how that happened and she knew for fact she hadn’t done anything to deserve it.

But Y/n had been in Kings Landing long enough to know that Cersei and Joffery didn’t need reasons to be cruel. It just seemed to be part of their personality.

Tyrion was the only kind one to Y/n and Sansa. Along with his friend Bronn and man servant Podrick. Y/n didn’t trust anyone else in the Red Keep.

Lately Y/n noticed Jaime, ever since he got back he had been trying to get close to her and Sansa. But neither Stark knew what to make of it. He really was trying to get closer to Y/n, but Y/n was worried that it was some kind of plan from Cersei.

It was a normal sunny day, Y/n actually thought it’d be a good day to go out and walk or ride but leaving her room? That didn’t feel like a good idea, given her appearance.

Suddenly in the incredibly quiet room there were sounds of knocking on her chamber doors. Y/n gave a soft ‘come in’, just loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear.

Upon seeing Jaime Lannister Y/n nervously started ringing her hands at what they might have planned for her now. “Ser Jaime. To what do I owe this visit to?”

Jaime shook his head. “I’m not here on any business.”

“Oh?” Y/n was curious but she still wanted to be cautious. So she kept her head down. For more than just that reason though.

Jaime noticed the way she was holding herself and it reminded him of a scared animal. So he raised his arms to show he didn’t mean her any harm. Her behavior made his eyes fill with concern. “Y/n, I’m not going to hurt you.”

Y/n realized that this could be very bad so she needed to back track. “Ser Jaime, I-I meant no o-offense.” She stuttered shaking her head but still keeping it down with her hair framing her face to cover her face from his view.

“You made none. No reason to apologize.” He quickly reassured.

As they stood there Jaime took more notice of things. Things that were making him more concerned by the second. So he took enough steps to be standing right in front of her.

“Y/n, look at me. Please.” Jaime asked, but when he noticed how she was so hesitant to do as he asked. Jaime slowly raised his hand to lift her chin, as gently as possible to not spook her. When she was finally looking him in the eye, face to face is when Jaime noticed. She has a bruised cheek bone which to him looked almost like it belonged to a fading black eye, and she had a cut on her eyebrow and her lip. No wonder she was hiding her face, he thought. “Who did this?”

“No one, Ser Jaime. I fell that’s all.” Y/n quickly tried to dismiss, hoping he’d let it go. If she said something and he was sent by Cersei, then it’d get worse. If he was genuinely concerned for her and she told him, he might not believe her. His twin sister did it after all.

“Please don’t lie to me, Lady Y/n.” He pleaded with her. His concern was growing more and more. But he also had his suspicions. “Who did this?”

Y/n cast her sight back down to the floor, not wanting to lie to his face. With how much genuine concern was in his eyes and actions, she felt bad lying to him. “No one, Ser.”

Jaime let out a sigh, he could clearly see she wasn’t going to verbalize her answer. Which inwardly gave him his answer anyway and he could feel anger bubbling up inside of him. He knew in his gut who did this, and he wasn’t going to let it go. “Can I see you later Milady?”

Y/n nodded, stepping back still not lifting her gaze. Of course she said he could. He seemed to be one of the only people who cared as of late, but also she didn’t really have a choice. Not in her situation. “If you so wish to, Ser Jaime.”

Her behavior honestly scared Jaime slightly. She didn’t seem like the same girl he met in Winterfell or the same one that was in Kings Landing when he lft and was captured.

Ever since that encounter Jaime had been visiting and spending a lot more time with Y/n Stark. No one would bother her with him at his side.

But Jaime had yet to have that talk with his sister. But today was the day, he had heard some concerning things from the handmaidens assigned to Y/n and he was fuming.

“Ah, brother. What is so urgent that you came barging into my chambers without knocking.” Cersei spoke sarcastically as he barged into her room.

“What did you do to Y/n Stark?” He asked, getting straight to the point, face red with anger.

“The little bitch. Well, what did she say?” Cersei scoffed at even turning to look at her brother.

“Nothing. She said nothing. I came here to you on my own.” Jaime wanted to yell, how could she be so cold.

“How do you know it was me? The girl is quite clumsy.” Cersei smirked, and Jaime wondered if Y/n’s excuse of falling was something she was told to say.

“Oh, I know your handy work when I see it.” He scoffed stating a fact that not even Cersei could argue with.

Cersei could tell he wasn’t gonna drop it once she looked at him, so she sighed and said. “I assure you she deserved it.”

“I can guarantee that she didn’t.” He countered. Jaime knew how petty his sister could be and revenge was something she enjoyed. She wasn’t going to fool him.

“You weren’t here.” She shook her head and growled out her words. Why was he even bringing this up?

“Doesn’t matter.” Jaime didn’t need to be there to know Y/n didn’t deserve his sister's warth.

“Why do you care for this girl?” Cersei asked with a furrowed brow.

“Cersei-”

“No. Why? Why do you care for her so much? After everything her family’s done to ours?!” She yelled at him getting up from her vanity table and stormed over to where he stood.

“She had no part in that!” He yelled back, done with trying to be social.

“Why do you protect her?!” Cersei spat with clear jealousy. Of course she noticed him protecting her but why was what she couldn’t figure out and that angered her more and more. Someone having her twin's attention other than her never sits well with the golden haired Queen.

“Don’t touch her again, Cersei. I mean it.” Jaime stated in a low voice. His expression and tone shocked Cersei. He’s never used either on her and deep down it did shake her a bit. He’s never been this mad at her, or this deeply apparently.

Jaime was going to make sure that Y/n was taken care of. No one would harm her ever again. That he’d promise her. Not even his sister. If Cersei did she’d regret it because he was done with her cruelness.

“And what will you do if I do decide to touch her again?” She questioned as he looked at her so seriously she honestly was starting to feel uncomfortable.

“You don’t want to find out.” He stated before turning to leave, as he opened the door Jaime felt pride in himself. He stood up to his sister for something he believed in.

“Is that a threat?” Cersei asked with narrowed eyes trained on her brother's back.

“Its a promise.” Jaime said before slamming her door behind him. He felt good and now he felt a weight lifted off of himself and Y/n. Sure he still had to watch their backs but Cersei wouldn’t do anything to go against him if she was as smart as she acts.

^     ^     ^

It had been a pretty normal day but Y/n just felt that they all blended together since so much had happened. Things had shockingly gotten better since Jaime and her had become close. But nothing good ever lasts is what she had learned being in King's Landing.

“Come in.” Y/n said upon hearing knocking at her room doors. She turned to face the door after hearing it open, seeing Jaime enter with caution. “Ser Jaime.”

“Lady Y/n.” He bowed his head with a soft smile on his lips, but as he looked around the room and noticed the uneaten food sitting on the table. Jaime’s concern came bubbling back up 10 fold. The handmaidens had told him she was skipping some meals and it worried him. But seeing it was worse. “The handmaidens said you haven’t eaten today.”

Y/n shrugged looking away from him. “Not very hungry.”

Jaime knew that part of it could be the stress of what's happened. It could also be her injuries that made it painful to chew, or it could be something Jaime really hoped it wasn’t. He didn’t even want to think about that idea.

Jaime stepped over to her, brushing her hair away from her face with his hand. Uncovering the still recovering injuries to her face. “Does it hurt?”

Of course it hurt still but he had been so kind to her she didn’t want to worry him. So she shook her head softly. “Not much anymore, Ser.”

“You don’t have to keep up the formalites with me, Y/n.” He smiled softly hoping to make her more comfortable around him. Show her he meant no harm.

“I shouldn’t-” She looked at him with wide scared eyes.

“I’m telling you you can. So you can.” Jaime stopped her calmly, looking her in the eyes. He could see how scared she was to do anything that might cause her to be harmed. Anything that might make it so she could be punished. “I won’t hurt you like my sister.”

“I-” Y/n’s eyes widened, just when he made her a little more comfortable again he say’s that. Y/n shook her head at him in fear. She didn’t tell him who did it so how did he know? Now that he knew what would happen to her? What would the Queen do to her now? Y/n was panicking on the inside.

“You didn’t have to tell me, and don’t worry I’ll protect you from Cersei.” Jaime told her, she had to know. But seeing her so panicked made his heart clench, so he started running his hand through her hair to comfort her and calm her nerves and mind. Jaime grimaced at her reaction for a second. This poor girl was terrified and it was all because of his family.

“How?” Y/n asked him while looking at him like he’s crazy. How could he, a knight, protect her from the Queen? Nobody could control Cersei.

“In any way I can, and I will. She will never harm you again. No one will. Not on my watch.” Jaime vowed to the poor girl that was stuck in this predicament. Not by her own choosing had any of this happened to her. And he was going to stop it and make her life better.

Taglist: @gruffle1 @padawancat97 @misspendragonsworld

@starkleila

[threepandas]

Bad End: Witness

"Specimen '873 is starting to disappoint me. He was showing such promise. These numbers, however?" My keeper muttered to himself, distaste painting his face as he watched the feed in front of him. "Unacceptable for a battle class. He might as well be spare biomass at this point."

He was supposed to be wearing his glasses, not holding them. They may have been called "reading" glasses? But they were not, technically, just for that. They also had a blue light filter. Helped with headaches and eyestrain. He just hated wearing them because he thought they made him look old.

A God Forbid ANYTHING remind him of the passage of time.

He did NOT take it kindly.

I managed to avoid THAT landmine by virtue of having witnessed his receiving them. An "incident" that resulted in his head slamming against a screen. Protocol demanded he get checked. In the process, they discovered his eye sight was declining. It was a... bad day. I brought him things to break and stayed very, very quiet.

He bounced back fairly quickly, though. Once the arrogant researcher who had arranged for the incident to even OCCUR? Tried to come lord his "weakened old man" status over him. It was one thing to "accidently" let the battle class get unfettered access to weapons before loyalty train. But to be dumb enough to step into his lab, call him weak, and gloat about it?

Dr. Raghnall Periculum was many things.

But "unwilling to bludgeon a man to death with the nearest object" was not one of them.

He was dangerous like that. Murderous. It came and went like shifting storms, all you could really do was learn to read the triggers. Get good at knowing when to back up. When to hold really, REALLY still. After all... this was a lawless, immoral place. No one here could or WOULD stop him.

They were all just as bad.

Gritty Sci-Fi Otome games are... a lot less fun to LIVE. To be honest? They are actually pretty horrifying. Traumatizing, really. Hellish. As in, I am pretty sure this is a futuristic version Of Hell (but that is a personal opinion). I regret EVER playing a single damn one. But... BUT? I CLING to the knowledge I gained from it. So I can not regret it completely. Because through them? Through KNOWING this world?

I KNOW this will end. KNOW we will be free. That these monsters will pay for what they've done. The epilog promises a golden age. A beautiful, peaceful dawn after this long and terrible night, filled with horrors. I just... I just have to survive. Hold on. Keep my head down and pray.

I may be trapped in hell, but I'm not broken.

We will be Free.

I have SEEN IT.

Sometimes the greatest defiance is just refusing to die. Just keeping hope alive. I... I can do that. May not be able to fight my way out. Not smart enough to hack or sabotage these nightmares. But I can stay alive. I... I can do that. Bear witness, that someday I may stand against them in trial. Record. So no one is forgotten.

It doesn't feel like enough. I feel tired and angry. Hateful and small. But for the sake of my sanity? I make myself feel nothing. Compartmentalize. I've... I've become unfortunately quite good at it. Good at a lot of terrible things. Like placating. Making myself small. Being invisible. A retail smile. Being one with the furniture.

See, just like the poor souls on the screens in front of him? I'm a Clone. Of who? I have no idea. None of us do. They use old DNA databases. From when it was first commercially available, I think. Like those ancestry tests. Here it was squirrelled away, kept for later use. Which... was us.

My template has been dead for centuries, I think. Or perhaps? She would have considered herself my mother? I hope she would have, strange as I turned out to be. We are all children of the dead. It'd be nice to think they'd have wanted us.

Dr. Periculum's cup lifts lightly as he take a drink, more focused on his work then anything else. That heft is about midway point. I've discovered if I begin brewing now, it will be done by the time his cup is empty and he wants more. A glance at the closest screen gives me the time. Food too, is a good idea.

He likely won't eat it. But if it's there? The chances are higher. And when he comes out of his focus, it'll be available. Less chance of him getting irritated by hunger.

On a well practiced route through piles of notes and projects I know better then to touch, I quietly make my way to the coffee machine. Begin another round of abomination the caffeine tar. It is, quite honestly, a wonder he hasn't accused me of trying to poison him to a heart attack.

A few granules of salt, a bit of cinnamon, some expensive fatty creamer, aaaand? There. Unholy bitterness gone. "Just" a cup of liquid tar so potent it could make a rhino taste time.

I also grab one of the meat pies and put it on a little paper plate.

Ah... what has my life become? That I am so well practiced in make snacks for a monster? Picking them up, I don't dare answer that. That way lies madness. Don't think about it. It can wash out in therapy. After. Because there WILL be an After. There HAS to be an After.

Careful steps and...? Just as I estimated. He just ran out. I nearly silently tap the paper plate down to the edge of the table then slide it forward, with-in ease of reach, but not too close. Then I swap the cups. Go to step away. Only to freeze. As, out of the corner of my eye, I see one of his hands briefly leave his keyboard to make a nearly dismissive "one moment" gesture.

Stay put. Don't move. I'll address you when I'm done with my, more important, thoughts. I feel the flash of fear, of panic, but let it go. There is nothing I can do. I will be hurt or I won't be hurt. There is no use suffering twice, through speculation and fear, I remind myself. Force my mind empty and pleasant. Retail smile. Happy to serve.

He finishes. Leans back, dissatisfied with some project or other, and finally slips on his glasses. Gestures imperiously for the cup in my hands. I do not question of course, merely hand it to him. He takes it, passes it to his other hand, and sets it aside. Then, casually, leans slightly over and wraps a thickly muscled arm around my waist. Dragging me off my feet and into his lap.

"You know, girl? B-21873 really was, actually quite promising. I was starting to think I'd keep him. Decent speed, good stamina, excellent problem solving. His test scoring was exceeding all expectations. Really thought I might have gotten you a little friend to play with. A gaurd so I could send you out on some chores safely. But no, he just HAD to be a failure." He said, leaning forward to grab his cup.

I was crushed awkwardly close. Could feel every moment. Acutely aware of his woody and sea air cologne, the coffee on his breath as words were spoken far to close, the beating of a heartbeat I could feel against my arm. Hyper aware of him. Why was I in his lap? This felt dangerous. I should not be in his lap.

Between sips, he turned his head and pressed his lips to my temple, not kissing... somehow worse. Just... just breathing me in. Slow, deliberate, and deep. Like savoring a scent, a sensation. The subtle back and forth, as though rubbing his lips against my hair. Enjoying the feeling against sensitive skin. It could almost be a cuddle on any other man. It took everything I had not to shudder.

"Unlike you of course. You pet, could never disappoint me. If these rejects tried even half as hard as my perfect darling girl? The world'd be a better place." He paused his almost nuzzling. To simply rest his head against mine, pulling off his glasses so he could tuck his head closer. His breathe was hot against my ear. His voice gravel and distain as it spoke of others.

"It's disgusting. Like they don't even try. We spend countless resources breeding, feeding, and training them... for what? Failure? I'm starting to think those bastards are deliberately sending me bad specimens."

Every word he said was horrifying. I could not cry. Dare not. But my heart screamed for those poor souls. They were just kids. Trapped in hell. Tortured from birth. Disposed of when they no longer met some arbitrarily impossible anime standard. If I turned my head, even slightly, I KNEW, I would be faced with screens of untold suffering. Feeds of "testing". So called training. Autopsy reports and datapoints.

Lists of who... who had been deemed "not good enough".

Who were scheduled to become "recycled biomass".

But if I looked? I would weep for them. And that? That was dangerous right now. Right NOW? I had to be pleasant company. A child's doll to be dragged around. No thoughts, no differing opinions. Preferably no opinions at ALL. Just warm and huggable. Soft. A beloved pet who serves coffee and brings things when told. Endure. I just... I must simply ENDURE.

The night will end. Dawn will come. Believe in her.

J-Just empty your head... and Believe In Her.

An alert pops up. I can hear it on a screen somewhere behind me. Dr. Periculum turns his head to look, reaching for his snack. Freezes. Then, a sharp bark of laughter. It's violent, like the strike of a lightning bolt, jostling me. The ones that follow just as harsh. He's not a man that laughs often. And it's not a kind sound.

Filled with schadenfreude, his laughter is like the vicious barks of hunting hounds. The shots of a weapon. A short and harsh to the ears sound, over and over. Delight in the suffering of an enemy. The fall of a rival. It strikes through his body like seizures. Making him lean forward to read. Brace against the desk, tighten his grip around me, widen the brace of his legs.

Glancing up, his eyes are alight with manic glee. His grin is vicious.

He looks Feral.

"Well, well, WELL! What do we have HERE?! Is that Jack ANDERSON'S facility I see? Mr. 'Master of the genome' himself? Looks like SOMEONE got AHEAD of themselves! Ha!" Raghnall cackles spinning his chair so I can see the screen. Leaning back to grab his cup and toast with it. "Look what we have here, pet! Some fucking KARMA! I knew that little shit wasn't worth the paper his degree was printed on! See this? THIS is what happens when you can't control your own damn compound!"

"Rest in PIECES, you worthless little SHIT!"

I sat. Frozen. As Dr. Periculum laughed and laughed, his mood viciously pleased. Because... because I recognized that facility. Chapter Two. There was an animation that played. The... the BREAKOUT! Joy filled me. Like the first rays of dawn. That was HER. S-she was OUT! Free! She DID it! Oh god... oh god she was COMING! It had finally BEGUN!

I caught myself. Barely.

My eyes felt a bit wet so I disguised it with a fake yawn. I dare not show empathy. NEVER show empathy. Keep it guarded like diamonds in your chest. If he thought, for even a moment, that I empathized with anyone but him. CARED about anyone but him? They wouldn't last the hour.

And it would be the longest, cruelest, hour in existence, as they died.

You make that sort of mistake exactly ONCE.

"Ah~ todays a GOOD day. And you know what we should do?" He hummed, nearly a coo as he spun us almost lazily around on his chair. In whimsical circles like a bored child. "We should celebrate. Ding dong, the fuckers dead~ HA HA! Not to mention? It's been entirely too long, pet, since I've spoiled you rotten. We should get a cake, hmm? You want a cake? Lil treat? Sweet lil treat for my girl?"

"I could get you that new dress I've been looking at. Bet you'll look like a classy lil princess, won't that be nice? Can even make it match the trackers I'm finishing up! No more uncomfy collars when we go out! Just pretty lil bracelets, ain't that nice?"

I force myself to smile. Nod. Ignore the fear and anger, the humiliation and helplessness. It's not time yet. Bid your time. You will LOSE your chance for True Freedom if you give in to your anger. Your hurt. Patience, THEN strike. Remember! Chapter two! There are FIVE.

It is COMING.

He stopped spinning, planting his feet on the floor. His manic grin softening. No less unhinged, less full of teeth, but perhaps the closest a man like him could come to loving. His eyes obsessive as the roam my face. Cataloging everything.

"You know, pet? You really might be might greatest creation. Best thing I've ever made or done. Anyone wants you? They'd have to pry you from my cold, dead hands. I'd burn EVERYTHING down. Kill just about EVERYONE." His voice was the sort of whispered confession meant for churches, not the heart of this hell he had built. It felt unholy. Dangerous.

Exactly like him.

"Once I figure how to take humanity to it's next stage? Reverse aging? Heck, even stop it. I promise, pet. Gonna take you with me. You're coming along for the ride. Straight to the end. Heat death of the universe. Well become GODS, pet. Live forever and a day. Bet you can't wait, huh?"

"Don't worry. The futures going be BEAUTIFUL. Just you wait."

[justastraymoa]

Unwilling Alpha

Chapter 12

Warnings ⚠️ swears, abo dynamics, mentions of slave trade, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, fear, manipulation.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl. Pics off pinterest.

~

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I couldn’t have been out longer than a few seconds because none of the Omegas were in the room, and the crash surely alerted them. The broken pieces of my fan poked into my back and sides but didn’t break skin. I was lucky. I’ll probably have some impressive bruises on my upper back and already have a decent goose egg on the back of my head, but no serious injuries. No bleeding or broken bones.

The Omegas never came to investigate. The crash must not have been loud enough to cause alarm. That’s good. They didn’t need to worry. And I am fine, just clumsy.

Better yet, the new markings for the curtain rod are even. Almost done hanging the curtains. Then I’ll clean up my broken fan and take a break before trying to find nice enough clothes to pack for the tour. And, before the headache I could feel forming gets too bad.

With a groan, I got back to work, flipping the chair around so I wouldn’t fall over the back again before climbing back on it. I’m not as confident as I was before. My legs were shaking slightly, and I had no confidence.

Still, once the curtains were up, I stood back to admire them proudly. They were simple, off-white, black out curtain with tassels along the bottom. And the curtain rod was straight. I did that. All me. I rock.

I made quick work of my poor broken fan before heading to the living room. I lay on the couch, putting my head on Bins warm lap. He was now typing away on his phone but paused to let me get comfortable.

“You all done with your room? Curtains up?” He asked quietly.

I hummed. “Yeah, they are up. Room is all done. Finally.”

“You okay?”

My head had gotten steadily more painful as I finished my room. “Got a headache is all.”

Bin hummed in sympathy and felt my forehead for fever.

“Get some rest, we can’t have you sick for tour.” Chan ordered from his spot nearby.

“Gee. Thanks for the sympathy.” I deadpanned rolling my eyes.

“He means well.” Bin assured.

I just closed my eyes to rest and hope my headache faded. The warmth of Bins lap and what was radiating off him was soothing. His scent calmed my mind and body of tension. There was a slight gust of air as Bin took a blanket off the back of the couch and covered me with it. The soft blanket made goosebumps rise on my skin, where it touched.

It wasn’t long before I was in that pleasant zone between awake and asleep, headache too bad to fall asleep. The sounds of life around me blended into the back of my mind. The steady thrumming of the bump on the back of my head like the ticking of a clock; annoying and consistent. Never faltering, never lessening. Just there, attempting to chop away at my calm.

Sometime later, I was roused slightly when Felix wedged himself between myself and the back of the couch. Nuzzling his face between my shoulder blades and flinging a leg over mine. I hummed and reached back to find his hand, pulling it over me to tuck it under my chin, our fingers tangled together.

“Feeling any better?” He asked, deep voice vibrating into my spine pleasantly.

“No.” I mumbled. If anything, the pounding has gotten worse. Now syncing with flashes of light behind my closed eyes.

My hair was gently smoothed back, and I opened my eyes. “Have you drunk water today?” Lee Know asked softly worry plain on his features.

“Yeah, I drank water. I hit my head earlier, though.”

“You did. Where?” Lee Knows gently long fingers probed my scalp until they found the bump, making me flinch and hiss in pain. “Sorry. Did you take medicine?”

“I was hoping it would go away on its own.”

“It’s a nasty bump. Do you need a doctor?” He really started fretting. “How’s your memory? Who’s the best K-pop group?”

“TXT” I answered immediately.

“She’s delusional. Get the car we need a hospital.” I.N declared. I snorted.

Catching Lee Knows fretting fingers I kissed them with a small smile. “I’m fine, kitty, the headache will fade.”

“At least take some medicine to help. No need to suffer for no reason.” He suggested.

“I brought some. Here, Lovie.” Chan said, passing two pills and a glass of water over. I propped myself up slightly to take the meds. Anything to stop the thumping.

As soon as I settled back down, Felix pulled me close and kissed my shoulder, humming.

“Let us know if you need anything. Or if your head gets worse.” Lee Know tucked the blanket more firmly around me. “We are all here for you.”

They were right about the medicine. It wasn’t long before they started to kick in. Head still hurting, but not nearly as much as before. It lessened enough that I was able to really doze off.

When I woke up, I still had a sizable bump and bruise, but my headache and the pounding were blissfully gone.

“Welcome back, sleeping beauty.” Chan greeted me when I sat up and yawned. Felix was no longer on the couch, and neither was Bin. I had been using Chan’s thigh to sleep on instead. How I didn’t wake up during any of that moving, I'll never know. The boys must have been very gentle and careful.

“So…we were talking while you slept.” Chan began again. His tone of voice was regretful, and it set me on edge. I was expecting bad news.

“What did I do? I’m sorry, I’m still learning.” I thought back. Was it one of my posts? I tried to be careful, but maybe I dropped the ball. I fucked up. It was only a matter of time. Or maybe it was STAY. Maybe they decided to have me take a more traditional Alpha role like STAY wanted. Keep me hidden and working at home. Oh. Oh god, I was about to lose all freedoms! They had all the power to force me to do whatever they wanted. I wouldn’t have a choice.

Sensing my rising anxiety, Han crawled into my lap and hid his face in my neck. “You’re scaring her.” He complained. I rubbed his back and tried to rein in my anxiety, shoving it away so I didn’t further upset my Omegas. Han, being so tiny right now, made me all melty.

“Its us that fucked up. We really let you down.” Chan clarified.

Confusion replaced my anxiety, making me feel a little off from the sudden emotional changes. Annoyance mixed in my chest. “How so?” They hadn’t done anything I could think of. The opposite, actually. They spent their downtime helping me with my room yesterday. It was me who was letting them down. I was struggling with this new life as idol adjacent, and it was bound to be affecting them, too. They constantly had to pick up the slack when I messed up.

“When did you hit your head?” He asked instead.

“When I hung my curtains.”

Chan sighed as did several others who were watching and listening. I.N even seemed to flinch slightly. “Y/n, you hung your curtains by yourself! You were supposed to wait for one of us to help!” Seungmin chastised.

I gestured wildly with one arm, still holding Han with the other. “You were busy enjoying your day off! I managed just fine on my own!”

“You fell!”

“I got a couple of bumps and bruises.”

“Luckily! What if you had gotten seriously hurt?”

“I didn’t!” We were shouting at each other now – my annoyance turning quickly to anger and defensiveness. My emotions felt like they were being overclocked.

Chans calm voice cut in through, making both Seungmin and I pause. “You didn’t even tell us you were hurt. We didn’t know until much later.”

“Hitting your head is dangerous. And if you had a concussion, we wouldn’t have known to help.” Hyun added.

I deflated. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to bother you on your day off. You have been working so hard! And I haven’t been helping at all.”

Chan reached over and ran his fingers through my hair before cupping my head gently. “We fucked up by brushing you aside when you asked for help. We have upended your life and dragged you along with us every day. And you are always helping us. Making sure we eat and have water. Soothing our Omega needs by reinforcing contact or praising us. We should have been there for you. But you shouldn’t have been so reckless either.”

“You do plenty for me. Always fixing my mistakes. I don’t feel neglected at all, I promise. But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I fell. I’m not used to being so cared for.” I explained truthfully. I felt horrible for worrying them so much. Yet another way I messed up.

Even with that settled, the Omegas all fussed over me the rest of the day. Lee Know kept bringing me food and drinks. Hyunjin doodled on my nails, fingers, and toes. Felix and Hannie both stuck to me like Velcro. Making sure I wasn’t cold. Wasn’t hot. Was comfortable enough. Bin kept showing me funny memes, eyes sparkling any time I laughed. Seungmin insisted I pick something to watch. Chan spent 45 minutes gently brushing my hair, careful of my bruises. I.N brought me my FoxI.Ny stuffie and kept randomly making excuses to touch me. Overall, I felt papered and loved.

My Omegas way of apologizing was much like everything else they did. They showed it through their actions as well as words. And they put everything into it.

This also served to remind me that while I was learning how to be their Alpha and be idol adjacent, they were learning how to be my Omegas. We were learning together. To do that properly, we needed to communicate – verbally or non-verbally.

“I still need help packing for the tour.” I said later in the afternoon.

“I’ve seen your wardrobe, and I have some bad news.” Hyun grimaced.

I gaped, offended. The little ball of annoyance and anger started irritating my chest immediately. “I have plenty of nice clothes, thank you very much!” I shoved at him, trying not to let my anger grow.

Hyune laughed. “Half your shirts are Stray Kids. Actually – your Stray Kids stuff was all packed away separately now that I think about it.” His brown scrunched as he thought about the carefully packed boxes full of Stray Kids merchandise.

The merchandise he promised not to tease me about anymore. Yet here he was. “I have plenty of other groups too. The Rose, Enhypen, TXT. I have other interests besides Stray Kids.” For some reason, I wanted this information to hurt him, the anger getting into my bloodstream and making me mean.

“You really know how to inflict pain! You are Engene, MOA, Black Rose, and STAY! Cheater!”

I rolled my eyes, annoyed by his joking manner, and shrugged, unable to deny it. “Sorry not sorry.”

“Anyways, your other clothes are too casual.” Hyune was still insistent on my clothes not being good enough.

“You mean they aren’t name brand – high end enough.” My biggest name brand item was a Victoria Secret bra and panty set that I am pretty sure Hyune didn’t know existed. The fact that I couldn’t wear my casual comfy clothes purely because they didn’t have luxury tags made me clench my fists. It was so stupid. I shouldn’t have to buy all new clothes just to satisfy some strange notion that you weren’t good enough unless you had luxury brand clothing!

“I didn’t say that!”

“You didn’t have to, Hyun! I can read between the lines!”

Hyun flung his hands out in frustration. “I was trying to be nice about it!” I vaguely realized we were steadily getting louder. My battle to not let my irrational anger get the best of me forgotten.

“I’m not like that, Hwang! I don’t wear high-end!”

“You don’t have a choice!” He burst.

The room became silent. That was it wasn’t it? I was fighting to keep being me. To stay who I was before bonding, but I couldn’t. I knew that. I always knew that I had to lose who I was. Let go of the girl hiding who she was. Who was comfortable and secure. That’s part of what I gave up – what I sacrificed – when I came back. I sacrificed me. All things that made me me. I don’t know why this kept shocking me. I kept denying it for some reason.

Suddenly, my throat tightened, and my eyes prickled. The anger strangled me. I stood abruptly and left the room, pulling away from the hands that tried to stop me and ignoring the calls of my name.

Slamming my bathroom door, I locked it and proceeded to play music as loud as I could. My sacrifices and losses kept hitting me. It’s like I was refusing to accept it. Like – no, not like. I believed I could retain my sense of self. Or at least part of it.

As I stood in the middle of my newly decorated bathroom, the burning rage boiled over inside me. I could hear a knock on the door, even over my music. Spinning, hot tears pouring down my cheeks, I hit the door. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” I screamed. Still filled with such rage and pain, I turned again, knocking everything off my counter with another scream.

I was sobbing now. Angry – enraged for my loss of self. Terrified by not knowing who I will be forced to become. Angry at myself for convincing myself over and over that I was okay. That everything was okay.

I knew now. Anger cleared my mind. I knew what this was. Why I was feeling so unstable. Why my emotions flip so quickly. I was in mourning. Going through the stages of grief for my old self. The life and person I was who was now slowly being erased – or not so slowly in some cases.

Before I could do anything else to trash the room or hurt myself like I really wanted to, arms locked around mine, keeping me from moving. I fought and thrashed against them. “Let me go! Let go!” I yelled between sobs, but the arms held firm, dragging me to the floor.

Chan shushed me gently. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here, y/n.” he held even as I slapped and hit him.

Running out of steam, I slumped in his arms and just sobbed as he pulled me to his chest.

He sat there with me on the floor as I cried. Sobbed for my loss. He held me close and comforted me as I got it all out. All the anger and pain I hid away. All the fear I denied.

“I’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry.” He whispered, choked up on his own emotions. Voice cracking. “I should have never let JYP go to your house. We should have left you alone.” He rocked me as my sobs quieted and turned to hiccups. As the tears dried and left stains on my cheeks

Knees entered my vision as Hyun kneeled in front of me, warm damp cloth in hand and tears of his own on his lashes. I kept still as he gently cleaned my face.

“I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” He breathed, voice thick.

Still raw with emotion and drained, I didn’t have any interest in soothing Hyuns guilt at the moment. “Let me go, Chan. I need my phone.” I sounded as empty as I felt.

Someone had turned off the music I had been playing earlier, leaving the room filled with only the breaths and sniffles of my Omegas. They were all in the room, instincts telling them to comfort me, but unable to hide their own emotions. Felix, Han, and I.N crying along with Hyun, Chan, and I.

Chan didn’t let me go, but my phone was handed to me by Seungmin. I immediately pulled up my message chain with J, knowing the entire room was reading over my shoulder.

His reply pulled a soft smile from me.

“We can help you find clothes.” Chan said nuzzling my shoulder.

“I know, but its best if I do it this way for now. While I learn who I am now.”

“You do not need to change.”

“Yes, I do. To survive, I need to adapt.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled. Shouldn’t have pushed. You are so good at all this. I forget you’re new. I forget how hard it is for you.” Hyunjin gripped my hand. “You make it look so easy.”

“I convinced myself it was easy.”

Seungmin busied himself by cleaning up the mess I made with my temper tantrum. He spent extra time making sure everything was set up just right and facing front. Fiddling and moving bottles and jars that were already perfectly placed.

I sighed and squeezed Hyuns hand in mind. “I am okay now. I’m sorry for my outburst. I’m not sure where that came from.”

“Don’t apologize. It's us who did this to you.” Chan argued. “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.

Turning back, I shook my head and kissed his jawline. “No, I chose to be here. And I don’t regret coming back. It was only a moment of weakness. I promise.” I assured them. And I wasn’t lying. Even though I was losing me, I had hope I would become someone better. And I gained 8 amazing Omegas who were going to take me to see the world. To experience things I never would have dreamed of before. I just had to mourn my old life and allow myself to move on.

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A/N: Not gunna lie it kinda hate this chapter. I feel like the breakdown y/n had was out of nowhere. There was not enough build-up, and I don't like the way the breakdown actually turned out in the end. Sorry 😞 I let everyone, including myself, down on this one. I will do better on future chapters, I promise!

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Unwilling Alpha Taglist: @xxeiraxx @hanniemylovelyquokka @breadedloafs @songleepark @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @hyunjinhoexxx @kayleefriedchicken @vietjeb @hityoulikebahng @juju-227592 @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @royal-shinigami @bangchansfavoritenoona @straykidslvr @bookswillfindyouaway @h0rnyp0t @Svmmerstime @jennibahng @kpopandmusicpassion @jasmin-loves-k-pop @cookey-lock @possum-playground @demigoddreamon-blog @rei-reia @dreamerwasfound @jasmin-loves-k-pop @ms-flowergirl @princess-sunshyn @technicallyimportantsweets @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @bluesoobinnie

General Taglist @stellasays45

[restinslices]

Everything pt2

PJO Show Ares X Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 6168 (I realized a bit late that majority is me setting up the scene. If you just wanna see their talk, read after the “~~”)

Summary: You haven’t seen your father since the last time you talked, but of course with your luck he finds you again and you’re forced to make a big decision.

Warnings: Reader is going through it, poor attempt at a fight scene, the lore and timeline is probably fucked up but ignore that, OOC Ares probably and as of typing I’m realizing MAJOR SPOILER FOR THE TITANS CURSE. To avoid this, scroll until you see “I don’t have any friends that come over” or “~” if you wanna be extra careful.

You’d love to say that not seeing your father after your last talk was some sort of surprise, but it wasn’t. Thankfully (is that selfish to think?) none of the demigods had a real good relationship with their parent. Well, Percy seemed to have a solid relationship with Posideon, but it’s not like he saw him everyday. And as selfish and heartless as it sounded, that offered you a bit of relief and comfort. It’s not like your father was sensitive and loving to you and you screwed it up. Everything was pretty much back to normal. 

 It was a pretty somber day at camp. Percy, Grover and Thalia had managed to save Annabeth and Artemis, but it didn’t come without casualties. You weren’t necessarily friends with Bianca or Zoë but you still grieved over them. The hardest part though, was watching how sad your friends had gotten, especially Percy. You knew what Percy was like. Percy was extremely loyal but that loyalty led to carrying a lot more weight on his shoulders than what was necessary. If your suspicions were right (and you knew they were), he’d blame himself for Bianca’s death. That made zero sense to you. He told you exactly how she died and to you, it seemed like Bianca made a choice. Percy couldn’t have done anything to stop it. He didn’t see it that way and you weren’t sure why you insisted on telling him over and over again and trying to cheer him up. 

 “Nico?” Percy raised to his feet when he saw you approaching. You shook your head,

 “No sign of him. He’s been missing for a week now Percy. If we were gonna find him, we would’ve found him by now”. Percy looked defeated. You were sure he knew the chances of finding him were slim to none, but you kept combing areas of the woods for him to keep him somewhat at peace. If he thought there was a chance, he wouldn’t be as depressed hopefully. 

 “I’m gonna say it again-“

 “Don’t”

 “Well what should I say to calm you down?”

 Percy thought for a moment but just shrugged and started heading inside his cabin and you followed. Percy collapsed on his own bed and you took it upon yourself to sit on the bed next to his. You didn’t know if it was because you held resentment towards your father, or if you actually liked Cabin 3 but you really wished this was your cabin instead. “Must be nice having a cabin all to yourself. No obnoxious cabin mates, no extra noise, nobody leaving their shit on the floor”.

 “I guess” was all he said back to you and you sighed. You didn’t wanna keep repeating yourself but you genuinely didn’t know what to say but not saying anything made you feel like an asshole that was ignoring the situation. 

 So you tried to change the subject. 

“Is it like this at home too? Just you and your mom? No friends over?”. 

 “I don't have any friends that can come over”

 “None at school?”

 “None”.

 That made you frown. You were older than Percy by a few years, so you had time to adjust to how lonely life could be as a half-blood and by now, you didn't return “home” either. Camp was your home now year round. You understood why Percy kept going home though. You heard about his mom and she seemed like a nice woman. You were grateful he at least had that. 

 But instead of saying something sweet and nice and voicing your thoughts, you made a joke instead. “That's why your little ass keeps getting into trouble. You have no one out there watching out for you”

 “My mom watches out for me plenty”

 “But she's not keeping schools from being blown up now is she?”. Percy rolled his eyes, but he didn't look as sad as before so you took this as a sign to keep talking “if I was watching you, you'd be alright. At least you'd have help”

 “You're tryna live with me now?”

 “Sure”, you said with a shrug. “A cool mom, random blue food, stopping you from exposing yourself - it all sounds grand”. You both laughed at your joke because that's what it was. A joke. 

 At least… it was at first. 

 Either Percy didn't know what a joke was, or he was pretty fond of having a big sibling when he was home because the next day he told you he sent an Iris message to his mom and she was fine with getting an air mattress for you. You almost told Percy that it was just a joke, but then you thought about how lonely he must be at home and how annoying it can be only having his mom to talk to about this demigod stuff. Plus, it hopefully wouldn't hurt to get a break from camp. 

 You didn't know why you decided to pray and tell Poseidon about this, but you did. The sun had set and you slipped out of your cabin and snuck into the woods. You made a mini fire and threw two candy bars the Stoll brothers managed to sneak in, which was a real shitty offering but it was all you had. You couldn't do it during the feast. You had too much to say and someone would hear. 

 “Terrible offering, I know. I hope you're listening anyway” you started. “I'm gonna be following Percy around when he goes home and I'm gonna try and keep him and Sally somewhat safe. I don't know how safe Percy can really be but I'll try anyway. I hope that's not a problem. I'm not tryna step on your toes or anything”. 

 In all honesty praying and giving offerings felt strange. You were supposed to pray to Ares everyday and give him an offering, but you stopped doing that after your last talk. The first time you threw food in a fire and didn't say his name, you thought you'd combust as a punishment. You didn't though, so you kept doing it. Occasionally you'd give offerings to other gods but it was mainly Athena. Partially because she was like Ares but not really and partially because you hoped it would upset Ares. Was it childish? Yes. But compared to someone as old as Ares, you were a child. 

 “That's all I really have to say. If you don't want me to go you can drown me in my sleep or maybe send a letter. Whatever works for you”. You looked around, expecting for some paper saying “absolutely not” to land somewhere around you but nothing happened, so you put out the fire and snuck back into your cabin. 

~

 You don't think you have a huge ego, but you definitely felt you deserved a pat on the back for how good your work was. 

 You were able to convince your own lousy family to hand over any legal documents to Sally and thankfully Percy's middle school had a highschool right next to it. Although the demigods weren't supposed to use phones, a minor text here and there saying “hey, I think there's monsters here” didn't hurt anyone. There were plenty of times you had to sneak out of your school and into his, and if you weren't so busy fighting for your life, you'd audition to be in some spy or assassin movie. 

 Thankfully though, you weren't always busy helping Percy. You figured you might as well help Sally out so you got a job at a nearby bookstore inside of a mall and honestly? You'd prefer fighting monsters over dealing with bratty customers. Seriously though, how can you be a bitch at a bookstore? 

 “I've already told you ma'am” you said in a monotone voice, “we can't give you a refund if you do not have a receipt”. 

 The black hair woman scoffed and looked at you as if you caused the problem she was having. “A receipt? Do I seem like the type of woman who keeps a receipt?! When I bought Twilight, I expected better and I hate it and now I want a refund and as the customer, I am always right!”. 

 The entire conversation made you wanna explode in front of her and change the trajectory of her life, but unfortunately it didn't happen. What was with mortals and not understanding basic store rules?

 “I would love it if you were right but you're not. No receipt. No refund”. She scoffed again and you wanted to grab her by the throat and stop the noise from ever leaving her mouth again. 

 “Well what do you expect me to do?!”

 “Pick up a different book then get out maybe?”. 

 You couldn't put a finger on the noise that came out of her next. It was some deep throaty sound with a mix of anger and disgust. “Do you know who I am? I'm Holly Holiday-” you accidentally cracked a smile at her stupid name and that just fueled her rage. She pointed a finger at your name tag and said your name, followed by “you are so done for! I'll have you eaten alive for this!”. 

 She turned on her heels and left in a huff. Fucking finally. 

 You looked over at your coworker Harper and pretended your fingers were a gun and shot yourself, getting a laugh out of her. Harper and her twin Hazel shared a few classes with you and by some coincidence they also worked in the mall. Harper was with you while Hazel worked at the costume store downstairs. You couldn't tell them apart and you weren't sure if you'd ever pass the “we talk sometimes” stage but it didn't matter right now. 

 “I know it's closing time but are you ok if I take a bathroom break really quick? I can help out when I get back”

She waved dismissively, “take your time man. Hazel'll be coming up here too”. You nodded with a small thank you and stepped into the mostly vacant mall. The mall was usually lively but with it being so late at night, the only people around were other people like that annoying customer and workers who had the misfortune of still working this late. 

 It was eerily quiet. Sure, you thought you were used to how silent it was at this time of night, but you still got the creeps and did not take your time alone in the bathroom. 

 Maybe you should have though, because once you left the bathroom that same annoying lady was waiting outside, which she definitely should not have been doing. 

 “I told you I did not like that book”. 

 Seriously? She was still complaining? She was still here after the store had pretty much closed? 

 You said something that would've gotten you fired if your boss was around, “yeah? Tough shit lady. No receipt, no refund, it's as simple as that. Don't buy books you haven't read. Now get out the mall and go take care of your kids”. 

 She snarled. A genuine snarl that made you start to sneakily slip off the bracelet you were wearing. You didn't know if gods could give other kids gifts, and either it had been allowed this whole time or Poseidon didn't care since shortly after your “chat” after hours you received a dagger that could transform into a bracelet. You thought maybe Ares had sent it, but his gifts didn't smell of the ocean and a fresh breeze. 

 Regardless of who gave it to you, that snarl didn't sound good. 

 “I don't think you're very good at your job”

 “I guess I'm not. Now do us both a favor and just leave”. 

 She didn't leave. Instead she smirked and that was all the confirmation you needed to know something was wrong. The bracelet slipped off your wrist and while the monster was transforming, you gripped your weapon and brought it up through the bottom of her mouth. You pulled it out, but not through the entry wound. You pulled it towards you, letting it split her face in half. 

 Just in case, you stabbed her in the heart, twisted the knife then pulled it out of her through the side of her chest. You didn’t have to wait for her to crumble. It was game over. A surprisingly easy win. 

 You grabbed some nearby napkins so you could wipe your dagger clean then returned it back to your wrist. 

 “What happened?” Harper asked once you stepped back inside, which was really odd for multiple reasons. 

 Firstly, you looked like you usually did. Nothing about you was particularly out of place. At least you didn't think so. 

 Secondly, she didn't sound curious. She didn't sound concerned. She sounded frustrated, like you did something wrong. 

 “Nothing” you lied. “It's nothing. Let's just clean up, yeah?”. 

 “I'm sure it's not nothing Child of Ares”. 

Your brows knitted together and you hoped you just heard wrong. You turned to look at Harper and that's when it started to click. 

 Harper. Hazel. Holly. 

 Harpies. 

 They were too lazy to pick a different initial for the first name and you fell for it like an idiot. Plus the “I’ll have you eaten alive” comment. But in all fairness, who actually takes those comments seriously? If you took every threatening comment seriously, you'd be sent to an asylum. 

 Harper's short red hair looked like flames now. Her green eyes looked hungry for your flesh and her sharp teeth glistened in the light as feathers grew from her arms. Realistically, you should've been scared. There were two alive harpies in the building, but something about a monster with a gray shirt with mini white books decorated on it really made you wanna laugh. She must've sensed this since she sneered, 

 “You think I'm funny?”

 “Do you want an honest answer?”

 “You won't think I'm so funny soon you spoiled demigod!”. You wanted to make a joke about how calling children with severe abandonment issues “spoiled” was silly, but you decided this wasn't the time. Instead you took the bracelet off. 

 Harper laughed in your face. “You think that will stop me?” 

 “Handled your friend pretty well. How about you stop trash talking and come over here so we can see if you're any different”. You don't know which comment got her so angry but she leapt at you. 

 You sidestepped her and planned on delivering a quick stab to the neck, but she must've seen it coming. She grabbed something and quickly turned to bat you in the face with it, making you stumble back. It took you a quick second to realize she hit you with a book. A Goosebumps book no less. 

 “You are incredibly childish” you mumbled and you wished you could laugh it off. Maybe you were childish too because you picked up the book and launched it at her face, feeling a tad bit disappointed when she dodged it. 

 You swung at her but she caught your wrist and squeezed hard enough to make you drop your dagger. You were quick on your feet though and you brought your available elbow down on her inner elbow (you were sure it had a scientific name but honestly who cares?). You heard a crunch and Harper screeched. Her grip loosened enough for you to snatch away while kicking her, her flying and hitting the railing. 

 You grabbed the dagger and threw it. You meant for it to hit somewhere fatal but she moved and instead it hit her directly in the eye, which made her screech even louder. 

 You snatched your necklace off and the object quickly took the shape of a double sided sword. It was a gift from your father and although he was probably pissed at you, you figured he probably wasn't watching and wouldn't care. 

 You charged at her and swung the sword. Although she was screaming in pain and was no doubt in agony, she slid under the blade. As she turned to face you, her hands moved and a sharp gust of wind knocked you off the third floor. 

 To make matters worse, Hazel decided to make an appearance. She was right below you, cackling, arms outstretched and you knew if you landed in those arms she'd devour you. 

 You did the only thing you could think of with such short timing. You angled the sword vertically and aimed directly for her mouth. She seemed to understand but it was too late. You came crashing down, your sword along with you and it slid directly in her mouth and down her throat. Because of the sword having a solid middle so you could hold onto something, it didn't go all the way through and you stumbled a bit, but you were better off than her. She stopped all movement and to make sure the job was done, you ripped the sword through her, cutting her in half. 

 “MY SISTER!”,  Harper screeched and you looked up at her with your messy sword in hand. 

 “You want more from the Child of Ares?!” You claimed you hated trash talk and you especially hated being called his child but the adrenaline was really getting to you. “I have plenty to give!”. 

 She flew up higher and started to come down fast towards you. You readied your sword, prepared to end this but suddenly she stopped and started trembling. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 Before you could ask any questions and she could finish her sentence, you were being launched into the air. The scream you let out was embarrassing but it didn't matter in the end. You both collided and hit the wall and instead of being knocked out or injured like you thought you'd be, you were completely fine. Your sword went straight through her chest and pinned her to the wall behind her and you were hanging above the ground, grasping onto the hilt of your sword and hoping your hands wouldn’t start sweating. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 No. No way. It couldn’t be. But who else could’ve launched you in the air like that?

 You looked down and there he was. You don’t know why, but you expected him to look somewhat different. Maybe a new haircut or a new jacket. Maybe he’d try contacts, but no. He looked exactly the same. You didn’t know if you were comforted or unnerved by it.

 You wished you had something cool to say but all you said was “what are you doing here?”.

 “Saving your life”. Yeah right. You had everything 100% under control. He chuckled and you started to wonder if he could read your mind. When you screamed internally though, he didn’t flinch so that theory went out the window. Maybe you looked annoyed and didn’t know it. 

 “Are you gonna catch me?” You asked.

 “What for?”

 “Because you threw me all the way to the fifth floor and it’d be nice not to break something”

 “You need me to warm up milk up for you too?”.

 Fuck it. You’d risk the broken leg.

 You tightened your hands around the hilt and planted your feet on the wall then pushed off with all your might. Fortunately, you got the sword out the wall. Unfortunately, you were now falling from five floors up. 

 You braced for impact, but instead of falling and hitting the floor, you fell into someone’s arms. You looked up, thinking that maybe someone was with your father that you didn’t see before, but no. It was him. He caught you. Something you weren’t expecting but you weren’t against.

 You mumbled a thanks and stood on your feet. The year was 2006 when you last talked. It was early in 2008 and while that wasn’t that big of a gap, the talk you had last time made things more awkward. 

 “I thought you’re not allowed to interfere”

 He raised a brow at you as if saying “you care about rules now when you’ve been breaking them?”. Were you breaking them though? Sure you were encouraged to give offerings to your parent but you hadn’t been punished… yet. If it was so bad you wouldn’t be walking right now. And you doubted he paid enough attention to notice. He was probably relieved to have one less kid bothering him.

 Gods, you were a downer.

 “Are you gonna tell on me?” He asked.

 “If you hadn’t caught me”

 “And now?”

 “My lips are sealed”. You didn’t see his expression. You were too busy looking down at your shoes. A habit you hated you developed. It made you feel small. But you guessed demigods were supposed to be small in comparison to their parent. That’s why you showed them respect but they hardly returned the favor. 

 A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again.

 “You have money on you?”.

 Was he gonna rob you now? “Uh, yeah”.

 “You’re paying for dinner. Let’s go”

 He started walking away before you could even respond, and like a reflex you grabbed his arm to slow him down. “I can’t”.

 “Can’t?” He said so calmly it kinda scared you.

 “Yeah. I can’t. My uh…” you decided not to tell him the entire truth about staying with Percy and Sally. “My ride… mom. She’s coming to get me. You don’t want mom knowing you’re in town, right?”. 

 He looked you up and down and you tried your best to not seem nervous. You weren’t sure he believed you but he let it go for the night.

 You wished it stayed that way. That he’d just go back wherever he came from but instead he told you the name of a diner nearby and said to be there by noon tomorrow and that you were paying. 

 “Great. Thanks dad” you thought. “I always love our talks”.

~~

 The good thing about his random plan to go to a diner at noon was that you were allowed to clean yourself and sleep beforehand. The bad thing was that now you were sitting across from him and it was incredibly awkward. 

 Ares kept laughing at his phone and you debated on asking him what was so funny but he said “started a Twitter war about vaccination. It’s getting good”. You screamed in your head again, but once again he didn’t flinch. Maybe he just had a good poker face.

 “I’m happy for you?”. He glanced up at you and instead of going back to his phone, he set it face down on the table. You didn’t know if he seemed to glow because of the little war he started, or if a source of light was hitting him nicely. Maybe it was a god thing. 

 “You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here”

 Was this an HR meeting? “I’m wondering why I’m paying”

 “Ask me”

 “You know I wanna know though so why am I asking?”

He didn’t respond. He just looked at you and you could hear his foot tapping on the floor.

 You rubbed your brow, already feeling a migraine coming on. You took a deep breath and let out a sarcastic response (which was not a good idea but your mouth worked faster than your brain). 

 “Ares, the amazing God of War. The Protector of Mistreated Women. Wearer of biker jackets. I come before you as your humble child, begging thee to tell me what required my summons and why you were at the mall last night. Please please please tell me. I’ll fall over and die if you don’t”.

 Sarcastic or not, he accepted it. He motioned towards the platter of burgers and fries, “this is your thank you. This is your offering to me since you haven’t been doing that”. 

 Well fuck. You didn’t think he’d notice. 

You leaned back in your seat and your fingers strummed against your knees and you had to remind yourself that running out probably wouldn’t end well.

 “You noticed?”

 “I did” he said simply. It reminded you of how emotionless he was the last time you talked. It reminded you of how frustrated you were that he talked as if nothing was wrong and as if your pain didn’t affect him. 

 “You demigods think you’re so smart. You have these big egos and think you’re ahead of us. You gave your offerings to Athena and Poseidon of all people ” he spat their names like it left a bitter taste in his mouth to mention them. 

 “And then you stay with that fish boy and his mom. Yeah. I saw that too. And I save your life and you don’t seem the least bit grateful”.

 Grateful.

 Something about that word you hated.

 Grateful? What was there to be grateful for? “Yeah dad, I’m super grateful my life consists of monsters trying to eat me and a dad I only see once in a blue moon. Totally grateful”.

 “We can’t interfere”

 “Didn’t stop you last night”

 He tsked, “I don’t get you. You complain about my absence then you complain when I’m here when I could be doing anything else!”. His voice rose but the people in the diner were either used to this or didn’t care enough to say anything.

 The nervousness and the fear rolled off you the more he spoke. Gratefulness? Doing anything else? You weren’t stopping him. 

 “Then go do those things. I’m not holding your hand and making you stay”. Your brain told you to shut up and apologize, but your mouth wasn’t having it. “And this isn’t about us and you know it. This is about you. This is about your ego being hurt. You don’t care about my safety. You didn’t go to the mall to protect me. You just love a fight and you were probably disappointed you couldn’t do more”

 “That’s what you think?” His eyes burned with something you couldn’t quite place. Anger obviously, but it seemed like something else was there. Or maybe there was literal fire in his eyes. Either way, it was clear he was upset and if you didn’t shut up soon, he’d probably turn you into a random animal.

 But who didn’t love animals?

 “That’s what I know. And I didn’t need your help. I was just fine. The only thing you would’ve missed if I somehow died was your little offerings. I don’t matter to you. Just admit it so we can move on”. Ares opened his mouth to say something, but you spoke again “and for your information Percy and Sally are very nice people. They feel more like family than you do”. 

 That shut up whatever he planned on saying. The last time you two talked you swore you saw an emotion cross his face. This time you were definitely sure you saw something cross his face before it went back to its default expression. 

 Was that regret? 

 No. That was stupid and you’ve had plenty of stupid thoughts. 

 It went silent. Weirdly, eerily silent. 

The diner wasn’t silent obviously but you two were.

You both were just staring at each other like statues. You wished you could read his mind. You hoped you would see thoughts of regret and sorrow and maybe hopefulness about your relationship going forward. You wished he had the same thoughts you had. Another stupid thought. Being hopeful didn’t work with him.

 For whatever reason, your mind wandered off to the late night talks you’d have with Sally and for whatever other reason, you started to speak.

 “Have you heard the song American Pie? Yes, it’s somewhat important to what I have to say. Yes or no only please”

 He looked bored and unamused but he answered anyway. “I don’t know. Maybe? Who cares?”.

 “There’s a line in the song that says this’ll be the day that I die. And for whatever reason it made me think about what I’d do if I were dying. If I woke up one day and I knew I was gonna die that day, what would I do? You wanna know what I realized?”

 He raised his brows for a second and leaned back in his chair. There was a possibility he was still bored but he seemed somewhat interested. “Shoot”.

 You smiled bitterly. Here he was so calm and fine and here you were, speaking slow and hoping your voice didn’t waver or crack. “I realized-” you failed. Your voice wobbled a bit and you cleared your throat a little too loud. “I realized I’d spend every second trying to make you love me”.

 You didn’t bother trying to read any expression he had next. You knew you’d always get it wrong and you’d imagine what you wanted to see. “And I uh… I don’t wanna be that way anymore”. You blinked rapidly, trying to prevent any tears from falling out. You didn’t have the rain to cover your face and blend in like you did last time. “And selfishly I hope that scares you”.

 “Gods don’t feel fear”

 “Well whatever you wanna call it I hope you feel it. I hope -and I’m gonna keep calling it fear- I hope you feel afraid for what that means for us”

 “Allow me to humor you for a bit” you felt as though the comment was supposed to be sarcastic but it didn’t sound sarcastic or aggressive. It was weirdly soft. “Why would you not wanting to spend your last day with me scare me?”

 “Because that means I won’t admire you anymore” you answered. “You don’t get it. You don’t get how much you mean to me. You don’t get how much I used to idolize you. Before I was claimed, I was already intrigued by you. Once I was claimed I read every single story that had to do with you. I was honored to be your child and tried to show you how honored I was everyday. I didn’t do all this for me. The training, bettering my Greek, learning everything I could about mythology. I didn’t do that for me. I did that so I would never shame your name and make you look like you raised incompetent idiots. The way I would defend your name and what you represent, you’d think I was being paid”

 “Me not admiring you anymore means I won’t care about defending you. It means I won’t care anymore about our family relationship. And I hope the idea of me calling you Ares instead of dad terrifies you. That emptiness or indifference I’ll feel when I hear your name… I know it hasn’t happened yet but thinking about it terrifies me too. Maybe I’m just selfish and don’t wanna be alone”. You used your sleeve to wipe at your wet face, a mix of embarrassment and relief for finally getting this out of you. “I could be right. I doubt it. I’m probably just making all that up but either way I need you to stop doing this. Seeing you at all, it gives me hope. I don’t want an enemy for life. I’m not Percy. But this is just gonna make this harder and if you hate me I am begging you to have mercy and leave me be. No visiting. I won’t come to see you when we do that little field trip either. I’ll stay at camp or I’ll go bother another god. Hermes is really nice. And if I break my end of the deal you can do whatever you want to me. Turn me into an ant, rearrange my fingers, throw me down a flight of stairs at full force, whatever”.

 There you went again making up shit. Swearing you saw something worse than sadness on his face; grief. That was impossible. Your eyes were just playing tricks on you like they always did. 

 You didn’t know what you wanted him to say, but you didn’t expect “you think, but you don’t know anything”.

 “Then tell me what I don’t know”. He didn’t say anything. He went silent and you were getting real tired of his silences. You sighed, “Sally’s been waiting outside so…”

 “Yeah…”. He let out a breath. Annoyance. Had to be. “You want this?” He asked.

 You were honest. “No” you said instantly. “No I don’t but this just seems like the best thing to do”. He didn’t argue with you. 

 Your hand went to reach inside your pocket for money but then he spoke again “keep it”.

 “It’s no problem-”.

 “Just keep it”.

 You nodded. 

 You stayed sitting down. Why was it so hard to stand? Why did your legs feel so wobbly and your throat so dry? Why did your chest feel like a huge weight was crushing it? Weren’t you supposed to feel the opposite? Free and lively? Feel like you could float?

 Another stupid thing escaped your lips. “Can you do me a favor?”.

 “Another one?” He asked lifelessly- no. He was not lifeless. He was happy. You were sure of it. You’d leave and he’d cheer because he wouldn’t have to deal with another kid anymore. You knew it.

 “It’s not a favor if you don’t wanna see me either”. Another bit of silence but you weren’t surprised. “Can we do that thing mortals do? You know, when they hug and say they love each other before they go their own way? Or maybe just the ‘I love you’ part”. He looked at you for a bit and you were about to apologize for making it weird and leave but Ares stood up. 

 You stood up.

 It’s strange how something you’ve never done before can feel so right. Like it was always meant to happen or always supposed to be this way. You weren’t necessarily cold and Ares wasn’t a heater, but the second he wrapped his arms around you and you did the same for him, you felt much warmer. Not a burden type of warmth. The kind of warmth that brings you relief on a freezing cold day. That crushing feeling stayed the same though.

 “I love you dad” you said and it fell out so naturally, you’d forgive anyone for thinking this was a normal occurrence. That the fight you had was just a small disagreement but otherwise you two had an amazing relationship.

 You didn’t know how the words “I love you too” would sound coming out of his mouth, but it sounded better than you hoped for. It once again sounded natural and genuine even if you knew it wasn’t. 

 You thought it wasn’t.

 No. You knew it wasn’t. This was no time for brain tricks and delusions. 

 Pulling apart was probably the hardest thing you had to do and your job was keeping Percy Jackson safe. That sudden coldness fell over you again and the crushing got worse.

 It didn’t get any better when you left. You didn’t have the guts to look at him one last time, afraid you’d call off your deal right then and there if you made eye contact with him. 

 Luckily Sally was an intelligent person. She was smart enough not to ask how it went. Even if she did, it’s not like you could answer with the huge lump in your throat. 

 “Do you want ice cream dear?”.

 You shrugged. There was that word again. Want. You didn’t know what you wanted anymore. You thought you did but it all felt wrong. There was no weight lifted off your shoulders and you didn’t feel light on your feet. You felt cold and hollow. The weight got worse and pushed down on you with so much force, you didn’t know it was even possible. 

 Then your eyes landed on his bike and it all came out. Your head fell into your hands and you let out sobs that were lodged deep in your chest. Your ears were ringing and you were sure you looked and sounded like the most pathetic person alive but you couldn’t care anymore. Sally, once again being an intelligent woman, took that as a sign it was time to go and pulled off. You assumed Sally would’ve dropped Percy off after you went inside. You assumed he wouldn’t wanna wait out here for you while you talked to one of the people that hated him the most. His hand patted your shoulder, notifying you that he was in the car still. Usually you’d make a joke and tell them that you were fine, but nothing came out but borderline hysterical sobs. 

 You grew jealous of Percy. He didn’t see Poseidon much but at least he knew deep down that Poseidon cared for him. Sometimes you’d get that feeling but you thought it was all a delusion. Fuck. Why did you keep doing that? You knew it was all a delusion. 

 That choice had to be the right one. It needed to be the right one.

 That didn’t stop this wave of agony from drowning you, and you’d fight a thousand harpies if it meant this feeling would go away.

Omg y’all I did it😭. I mixed two ideas someone suggested with my own ideas and here we are. I hope y’all like it even though a huge portion is me yapping but to be fair I didn’t realize until after I was done and summarizing all of that didn’t seem like it’d sound right, yk? There was definitely a way I could’ve done it but I’m stupid soooo… yeah. Anyway, OOC Ares but this is my angsty fantasy so I’m making him care about his kids. In my head the whole “I hate my own kids” is him trying to convince himself he doesn’t care for them so it’s easier to stay apart from them. Idk, maybe I’ll make a part 3 from his perspective and answer why he said he was saving their life. I make no promises tho. And I know I said it’s show Ares so skipping ahead doesn’t make sense but we know what’s gonna happen Taglist: @kyuupidwrites @chadmeeksmartinswifey @lebguardians @beansficreblogs (one asked to be tagged, one asked for more dad fics, then one commented plus reblogged and one reblogged, so although majority did not ask, imma just assume y’all would wanna see a part 2😀. We’re getting the band back together like this is Phineas and Ferb)

[starillusion13]

The light in darkness

Pairing: mafia leader !Taeyong x f!reader

Genre: Mafia, slight angst, fluff

Warnings: None...just mention of guns and try to kill. Threats, misunderstandings, unforgiving and forgiveness, false death news and rival gang. A lot of mafia shits and mutual understanding and love.

W.C: 4.1k network: @k-vanity

It’s supposed to be a birthday gift for my bestie @nctstar but ik it’s too late😭 please accept my token of love for you🎀

🔥🔥🔥 Fire in the eyes.

That's how his eyes were reflecting the massacre in front of him.

Building engulfed in the high-rise fire and dense white and gray smoke. A smirk appeared on the face of the leader, brushing back his hairs and kicking the small piece of rock with the tip of his shoe, he turned around to face his best friend.

"It's done, boss."

The leader just nodded and walked towards the car waiting for him in the distance and he knew that the mission was successful and his revenge was over.

As usual he succeeded in this mission too.

He killed you.

>>>><<<< 

Years had passed after the death of the CEO, Taeyong took over the organization, a well-known figure as the mafia leader of the leading group, NCT.

Despite his busy schedule, he always made time for his brother Mark, attending his university events and supporting his endeavors. Basically, you are Mark’s batchmate so it’s a gift for him to meet you whenever he goes to meet his set up spy --- his brother.

One night, as Taeyong was winding down after a long day after a mission, his phone rang. Seeing Mark's name on the screen, he answered immediately.

"Mark? What's wrong?" Taeyong asked, sensing the distress in his brother's voice.

"Hyung," Mark sobbed, barely able to get the words out. "She ruined everything. y/n... she destroyed our mission and tried to kill me."

Taeyong's heart sank.

y/n , someone Taeyong had come to know and trust. you seemed kind-hearted and genuinely in love with him. What could have happened to cause such a rift?

"Calm down, Mark. Tell me everything," Taeyong urged, trying to keep his own emotions in check.

Through broken words and stifled sobs, Mark recounted the story. He claimed that you had betrayed them, leaking confidential information that led to the destruction of the company. you had allegedly colluded with a rival to humiliate him and tarnish their reputation.

Taeyong was devastated, feeling betrayed by the person he loved most.

How could you do this to him?

He felt a surge of anger unlike anything he had ever experienced. you had seemed like the perfect girl, but now it appeared that you had a dark side. Taeyong vowed to make you pay for what you had done to them.

However, unknown to him, the truth was far more complicated than it seemed.

Taeyong began his plan for revenge with meticulous precision. He knew your routines and habits from the times you both have spent with each other and your social media posts.

Heck! He knows everything about you. He knows you. Not only your information and location but your feelings, your touch, your emotions, your voice and even your unspoken words.

So, your unspoken truth was also to betray him but why?

He let out a frustrated groan and aggressively brushed back his red hairs. The look on his face was absolute danger and the slit eyebrow with his finger rings brushing against them.

He can kill anyone.

You worked as a kindergarten teacher at a small school and often spent your evenings at a quaint café near your apartment. Taeyong decided to confront you there, where you would least expect it.

Or maybe you expect him?

One evening, he found you sitting alone at the café, engrossed in a book. Taking a deep breath, he approached your table, his mind set on exposing your deceit.

"Y/n," he said, his voice steady but cold.

You looked up, your eyes widening in surprise. "Taeyong? What are you doing here?"

It's been a month he had last contacted you and you didn’t question him further because Mark told you that he was busy with something and you better know that the mafia life is not something to play.

"I need to talk to you," Taeyong replied, sitting down across from you without waiting for an invitation. "About us."

Your expression softened, a hint of sadness in your eyes. "Us? What happened? Are you okay?"

Taeyong's anger flared. "Don't pretend you care. You know exactly what you did."

The anger on his face with the burning eyes staring at the soft and calm eyes of yours.

Confusion clouded your features. "What are you talking about?"

"You ruined everything ," Taeyong said, his voice rising. "You betrayed me,...even tried to kill my brother."

You ruined…betrayed…tried to kill?

He grabbed your forearm and dragged you outside the café. You didn’t even protest or fight back, maybe because your mind was already clouded with the accusation and his hatred towards you.

Doesn’t he trust you?

You kept staring at him until he took you to the nearby alley and harshly pushed you against the wall. You hissed when your back hit the concrete wall and bit down your lips to prevent any sob to escape.

Taeyong can’t hurt you, right?

He trusts you…yes yes he does.

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you shook her head. "No, Taeyong, that's not true. I would never do anything to hurt Mark and you."

"Save your lies," Taeyong spat, his heart pounding with rage. "I won't let you get away with this."

He slammed his hand beside your head. His eyes flaring in rage and you flinch at the sudden move but his emotions didn’t falter. He was fuming and could kill you anytime.

And he will.

Trying to touch his face, you slid a hand to his cheeks but he swatted it away and glared. “don’t try to make me trust you… I thought I had you. You are someone to me whom I can love forever. I wanted to leave all this shit just to be with you but you are the one who is trying to end everything…along with me.”

He scoffed, “what will you get from all these? Money? Power? Or are you just with me for someone else?” he grabbed your cheeks, your skin burning under his grip, he didn’t care the tears flowing down your eyes, “Tell me, y/n!”

He doesn’t want love.

He wanted revenge.

He wanted to kill you so that he won't regret loving someone who broke his trust. Someone he loved with everything.

He pulled his gun from the strap and held it to your head. Your wide eyes earned a sickening smirk from him, “I hate that I love you, y/n. I hate everything. I hate myself for trusting you.” He pressed the gun hard, you were not crying, not even flinching, not even fighting against it, “but I hate that I can’t hate you. Why? Y/n, get the fuck out of m, get the fuck out of my sight.”

You were staring blankly at him. it was like a void surrounded you where nothing else you can see or hear, it's only you and him and his hatred. And your emotions? You want to run away from him but still you want to stay close to him.

You accepted the situation, grabbing his leather jacket and clutching it tightly, you closed your eyes and whispered, “I can’t unlove you, Taeyong. Shoot.” You tried to smile but couldn’t so you breathed heavily, you didn’t want to meet his gaze, “I can’t see you hate me. I don’t want you to hate us. I love you, Taeyong.”

You waited for his action, his voice or the pull of the trigger but you heard nothing until he uttered under his breath, “I wish I hated you.”

Before you could respond, Taeyong stormed out of the alley, his mind set on finding more concrete evidence of your betrayal. Despite the nagging feeling that your reaction had been genuine, the anger inside him was doubting his every thought.

Did he just try to kill you?

Your eyes fluttered open and your eyes followed how he crossed the street and got on his bike. Before he could start the engine, he turned towards you, his face was hidden under the helmet except his eyes but you didn’t know what to feel at this exact moment.

There was relief in his eyes.

You are alive and he didn’t kill you.

But you clenched your teeth. Taeyong tried to kill you and still you chose to trust him and accept your fate in his hands. You are pathetic, y/n.

The bike went off to the dark endless highway, leaving behind you standing there in the lonely alley.

He loved you and trusted you.

After Mark, you are the most precious person to him and he couldn't believe that in the end, you were going to be the one to break him.

.

.

.

Days turned into weeks, and Taeyong's investigation grew more intense. He hacked into your email and social media accounts, searching for anything that could prove your guilt. He followed you discreetly, hoping to catch you in a compromising situation.

If you were someone else then he would have killed you on the spot. He wouldn't have thought twice about it, but you are someone he can't even hate for a moment and…how could he end it?

He loves you.

But you betrayed him and he believes in revenge.

To destroy you.

And his men followed his order to end you.

They ended the chapter of yours.

.

.

>>>><<<< 

.

.

However, what he found in his search after that only deepened the mystery.

your messages were filled with concern for him. you had been trying to reach him, desperate to explain something. your social media posts depicted a girl heartbroken and confused, not the scheming villain Taeyong had imagined. As he delved deeper, he began to uncover pieces of a different story.

One evening, Taeyong found himself sitting in his apartment, surrounded by printouts of your whereabouts, emails and social media messages. He had spent countless hours piecing together the puzzle, and now he was starting to see a different picture. you had always been a protective sister and friend to Mark, but your efforts had been misconstrued, leading to a series of misunderstandings.

The real villain was someone Taeyong had a hunch of, a man named Hongjoong, who is the leader of Ateez and had been envious of Taeyong's success and had framed you to get him out of the scenario. you had no idea of Hongjoong's scheme and never tried to doubt him when they met at a cafe, but your meetings and messages had been intercepted and twisted to make you look guilty.

Realization hit Taeyong like a ton of bricks. He had been wrong about you. you weren't the villain—you were the victim, just like him. His heart sank as he realized the pain he had caused you with his unjust accusations.

And…he can’t apologize because that day, he burned that building, where apparently you were there. He didn’t know earlier but the next day he got the message from his members. You are no more and he hates himself more because the last words he heard from you was your love for him but he showed his hatred to you.

Will you forgive him after death?

"y/n, I'm so sorry," Taeyong whispered, his voice trembling. "I should have trusted you."

.

.

.

The moon hung low in the night sky, casting an eerie glow over the bustling city. As the leader of the most powerful mafia gang in the city, he commanded respect and loyalty from his men. But despite his cold and calculated demeanor, his heart had always been haunted by a single, lost love.

Years ago, a rival gang had taken everything from him.

 His empire had been on the verge of collapse, and in the midst of the chaos, he lost the only girl he had ever loved. Taeyong believed you had been killed in the crossfire, --- killed by him.

your death had fueled his ruthless rise to power. Your memory was the ghost that guided his hand as he crushed his enemies and expanded his dominion.

Tonight, however, was different.

Taeyong's trusted lieutenant, Jaehyun, approached him as he stood in his luxurious penthouse, looking out over the city. "Taeyong, we've got intel on The New Rival. They're targeting our shipments. If we don't act soon, we'll lose millions."

Taeyong turned, his sharp eyes glinting with determination. "Arrange a meeting. I want to confront this one face to face."

Jaehyun nodded and hurried off to make the arrangements. Taeyong's mind raced as he considered the possibility of a new threat. He had faced many enemies over the years, but there was something different about this one.

The meeting was set for midnight in a deserted warehouse on the outskirts of the city.

His men went before but he delayed the time. People should have patience to meet him and he loves to see them getting anxious waiting for him. He smirked at the thought and started the engine of his bike.

Taeyong arrived with his most trusted men, each one armed and ready for a confrontation. He stood in the center of the garden of the warehouse, his sharp eyes scanning the darkness for any signs of movement.

“kill them at once.” He ordered his men and they all went into their directions, leaving him alone in the front gate from where only the leader would greet him.

The door creaked open, and a figure clad in black stepped in front. The figure moved with a fluid grace, their face obscured by the darkness. Taeyong's heart pounded in his chest as he watched the figure approach.

It’s familiar somehow and the only name is flashing inside his head. He shook off the feeling and tilted his head.

In the shadows, the name "Taeyong" was whispered with both reverence and fear.

"I've been waiting for this moment," Taeyong said, his voice steady despite the turmoil within him. "You've caused quite a stir. It's time we end this."

The figure chuckled softly, a sound that sent a shiver down Taeyong's spine. "You don't recognize me, do you, Taeyong?"

The voice was familiar, achingly so. Taeyong's mind raced as he tried to place it. The figure reached up and slowly stood in front, revealing a face he had never expected to see again.

"y/n..." he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.

you, his lost lover, stood before him, alive and very much real. your eyes, once filled with love and warmth, now burned with a fierce determination. Those glistening eyes he last saw in that alley.

"Surprised to see me?" you asked, a smirk playing on your lips.

Taeyong's world tilted on its axis. "But... I thought you were dead. They told me you were killed."

"They lied," you replied, your expression hardening. "I was taken by that rival gang, yes, but I escaped from the building. And now, I've been fighting from the shadows, trying to bring down the very empire you built. You know your most trusted men helped me in this."

Taeyong took a step back, the weight of your words crashing down on him. "Why, y/n? Why would you want to destroy everything I've worked for?"

your eyes flashed with anger. "Because you changed, Taeyong. The man I loved would never have become this... monster. You've become everything you once fought against. You even tried to do the very same thing which you accused me of." you repeatedly hit his chest with your index finger.

Taeyong felt a surge of conflicting emotions. He had been driven by revenge, by the need to avenge your deed ---- the stupid information he trusted. Then your death shifted something inside him --- the thing he even hated about himself but also loved the change. He blamed it on you.

You have turned him like this.

But now, seeing you alive, he realized how far he had strayed from the person he once was.

"I did it for you," he said, his voice trembling. "Everything I did, it was because I thought I had lost you."

you stepped closer, your gaze softening for the first time. "You didn't lose me, Taeyong. You lost yourself. Also, didn’t you want to kill me." you looked up at the sky, “I believed for a moment that you will shoot and that’s the end.”

Again, you met his lost and shocked gaze, “but still I trusted you, Taeyong. And I should say the same thing today… I wish I hated you the same way you did.”

A tense silence filled the place as the two stood face to face, years of pain and longing reflected in their eyes.

The men outside the warehouse and around were oblivious to the emotional battle unfolding within you two. You both heard gunshots and noticed Jaehyun running towards the two of you. For a second, he halted when he saw you. He definitely knew you were alive, of course he was one of the men who helped you to hide from the world because after that mission, if anyhow the rivals knew that you were alive they would definitely try to kill you.

And they knew that would not be good for Taeyong.

But seeing you in the area of their rival was not sitting right. He didn’t say anything to you but turned towards Taeyong, “we have captured the leader. The others will take him to the base and we are cleaning the mess here quickly.”

They both exchanged nods and he ran off.

You flinched at the gunshots and then some shouts. Taeyong noticed, he noticed your every detail today and he won't let you slip like the last time, he grabbed your hand and started running towards a direction away from the warehouse, nearly the edge of the cliff. His bike was parked there and stopped beside it.

“Are you going to push me off here?”

You didn’t know what reply you could expect but suddenly he pulled you in his embrace, “never. y/n, you are everything to me. even if I did hurt you and hate you. Just know I hate myself more. y/n…I can’t hate you. I love you so much. I love you.” He planted a kiss on the crown of your head.

You hesitated to hug him at first but soon you let yourself melt in his arms, those warming and restless nights and whispered promises flashing in front of your nights when you both shared life and promised to stay for eternity. That can’t be over in years. He took two years to meet you again.

He hugged you tighter when he felt your arms wrapping around him, your ear pressed against his chest could pick up his heartbeat increasing its pace. He placed his chin on top of your head, “I don’t know what you are doing here today but please y/n let me prove every mistake I have made. I won’t hurt you again. I want to love you, y/n. I know probably it’s too late, might be…you have already given up on me.”

He doesn’t want to kill you.

He wants to love you.

Finally, you spoke. "It's not too late, Taeyong. We can fix this. But you have to choose—continue down this path of darkness, or find a way to make things right. Also, I knew this rival was friends with Hongjoong and I came here in the hope to meet you in person. I have watched you from shadows and always Jaehyun told me that to trust you that you love me."

Taeyong looked into your eyes, the love he had buried deep within him rekindling. He knew the choice he had to make. With a deep breath, he reached out and took your hand.

"I will choose you," he said, his voice filled with resolve. "Together, we'll tear down this empire and build something better. Please, have trust in me."

You looked up at his face, “it’s not about ending this empire. It’s about us --- you and me individually and together. This is your life, Taeyong and I won’t snatch away the things from you for which you have worked hard for years. But I want you to believe in me and yourself. It hurt me when you looked at me the way you looked at your rivals. I am not your enemy, Taeyong.”

You cupped his cheek, “I would end myself before hurting you. I would do anything to protect you.”

His fingers circled around your wrist and whispered, “I know.”

You shook your head, “you don’t know that you are different to me than anyone else.”

“how?”

“You are my only fire and light in this dark world.”

He kissed the side of your palm and smiled, brushing your hairs away from the face with his slender fingers, he placed  a soft kiss on your forehead, “I can burn like a sun in this darkness for others--- to end them with my rage and power but for you I will light like a moon—calm and contended for you to love me ad trust me. I’m sorry, y/n.”

“Taeyong… you didn’t kill me. even though you tried…”

“don’t defend my actions, y/n. I definitely did wrong.” He turned serious and his voice was heavy and low.

This time you smiled, “but you didn’t. you hesitated because I know you love me. you are not the person I know to hesitate in this situation. You are a perfect leader. I am proud of you.”

“You are too innocent, y/n. I love you.” He pecked your lips. His lips on you felt so surreal after years and you wanted to taste it more. Not now but maybe later. You can wait for it and him. you have waited for so long and now you can wait with him.

His lips ghosted over yours when you whispered, “I know you will guide my innocence. I love you too, Taeyong.”

As they drove off the place hand in hand, the future was uncertain. But for the first time in years, Taeyong felt a glimmer of hope. He had been given a second chance with his lost love, and he intended to make the most of it, even if it meant facing the shadows of his past.

The days that followed were fraught with danger.

Taeyong's decision to dismantle his rivals was met with fierce resistance from his own men and rival gangs alike. Many saw his actions as a sign of weakness for his lover, and attempts were made on his life. But Taeyong and you stood united, your bond stronger than ever.

You are not his weakness but his strongest ability.

you used your knowledge of the underworld to aid Taeyong in his mission. you had spent years gathering information, and now, they used it to systematically help Taeyong in his missions. He included you as his partner in this world. It was of course against his choice --- mostly yours. He didn’t want to risk your life but your determination to help him made him proud of his lover. You both exposed corrupt officials, freed those who had been wronged by the rivals, and reclaimed the city from the clutches of their darkness.

One night, as you both sat together in a small, hidden safehouse, Taeyong looked at you with gratitude. "I wouldn't have been able to do this without you," he admitted.

you smiled, your eyes filled with warmth. "We've both changed, Taeyong. But together, we can create something good out of all this chaos."

your journey was far from over.

The city was still rife with corruption, and there were many who would stop at nothing to see you both fail. But for Taeyong and you, the fight was worth it. you have found each other again, and in doing so, you have found a new purpose.

The purpose of living for each other.

As you faced the challenges ahead, Taeyong knew one thing for certain: he would protect you with his life, just as you had protected him. Together, you would forge a new path, one where love and redemption could flourish amidst the shadows of your past.

To the city he is the fiercely burning sun but he would hide to be your moon in the darkness.

Note here💌:

So, you have two good news. One: I'm going to post another fic today...clap your hands💋

Another, I'm going to start writing Smuts again coz say thanks to my bestie because she made my mood lift up in past weeks and I'm out of that zone and yes spicy fics incoming soon👹

Thanks for reading and reblogging. Your reviews and comments are always appreciated. Spread love not hate.

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @nvdhrzn @meowmeeps @vtyb23 @haechansbbg @corneliarstreet [open!]

[obey-me-disaster]

What do you think would happen if MC respawns at a different location after the lesson 16 death? Like purgatory hall then MC somehow convinces Simeon, Luke, Solomon, Diavolo and Barbatos to hide their resurrection from the brothers. MC stays at purgatory hall and takes online classes for the rest of the exchange program.

The whole time the brothers think MC is permanently dead but what if MC slips up and accidentally likes a selfie by Asmo on devilgram would that raise any suspicion? How would the brothers react to MC being alive the whole time?

Please, MC liking selfies while pretending to be dead is so fucking funny like: 'I need to keep a low profile...anyway let me appreciate one of Asmo's photos on devilgram, where all the demon bros could see'

Warning: mentions of death

Demon brothers x gn!MC headcanons

MC hides the fact that they are alive

They don't know exactly what happened after Belphegor got them. All they could remember was pain, a voice talking into their head and then complete darkness. When they woke up they were in the Purgatory Hall with Simeon, Solomon and Luke surrounding them.

While not being able to remember the last moments before blacking out, MC was smart enough to put two and two together and realize what happened. Belphegor killed them. After everything they have done for him, he took their life away without hesitating.

When Solomon and Simeon started to question them, MC decided to keep the truth away. They made up an excuse about needing to hide somewhere, and the two angels and the sorcerer were all to happy to let MC stay with them.

Their plan was to stay hidden until the exchange program would end, but of course old habits die hard, so without thinking too much they liked one of Asmo's posts. That's when all the demon brothers found out and all hell broke loose.

Lucifer

He would be furious at MC for hiding themself, tho he can't blame them, at the Purgatory trio, Diavolo and Barbatos for helping them keep the secret but most importantly, he would be upset with himself.

He would fly straight to the purgatory hall and demand some explanation. Why did they hide, why couldn't they talk with him. He keep thinking of the fact that if MC didn't slip and post that selfie, he would have never found out they were alive.

A part of himself greatly blames himself because if he would have put more effort in keeping them out of the attic, none of this would have happened, hell, if he was a good brother from the start everything would have been ok.

On the outside he seems angry but on the inside he is full of mixed emotions: happiness because they're alive, sadness because MC hid this from him, anger at the others for hiding this from him. He doesn't even want to think about the fact that if Asmo didn't see their like, that he would have never been reunited with them.

He will have a long talk with MC, whatever they want to or not.

Mammon

THIS MAN IS CRUSHED. He thought MC has died. He held their 'corpse' in his arms. He has been a shadow of who he was all of this time only to find out that MC has been chilling in the Purgatory Hall??

He might not visit them for a while. He is way too conflicted. He is in denial about the fact that they hid this secret away from him. He was their first man, you two weren't supposed to hold this kind of secrets from one another.

He would probably go on about: "I am not friends with any humans that would lie to me like that, I don't know anyone like that!" flashbacks to season 1 of the OG obey me

He has been blaming himself for not being able to protect them this whole time. He probably had nightmares about their death.

Once he sees them he will have to hold himself back from rushing to them and embracing them. He still wants to put up a front, but when the front finally cracks and hugs them, he will be all to relieved to feel them be alive once again in his arms.

Leviathan

His self hatred went through the roof. He would keep blaming himself for not doing anything. He didn't get to hold them in their dying moments, all he could do is watch. He felt like he truly lost the only person that could fully understand him.

When he found out they were alive he nearly rushed to the Purgatory Hall but stopped himself. If MC hid themself from him that means they don't want to see him right? They are disappointed in him for letting them die.

He spirals down so bad other brothers had to snap him out of it. He would probably send them messages or call them while crying. He didn't feel quite ready to face them yet.

He probably will watch anime/play games from a distance with them for a while. He wants to go see them so badly but fears they would be disappointed in him.

After a while he would probably hype himself with some 'The lord of shadows would never leave his Henry behind'.

Satan

He throws a little temper tantrum that destroys multiple rooms in the House of Lamentation. There are way too many emotions for him to deal with it at the same time to the point he feels like exploding.

He has felt useless ever since their 'death'. He could see the condition MC was in, he could see that they had no way to live, he could see all the injuries and knew how much they hurt but even with all of that, he could not think of a way to save them. All the learning and reading was for nothing in that moment.

He probably knew that MC had good reasons to remain 'dead' but it didn't mean he was not hurt. If it wasn't for them liking Asmo's post by accident they would have went back to the human world, never to be seen again.

Another one that waits a little bit, but that's because he wants to be as calm as possible, they had to deal with an angry demon, he is sure they don't want to deal with another.

Once he finally decides to see them, he takes them on a walk to talk things through. Only if they want to of course

During their walk he will insist of having a detailed talk about how both of them they were feeling, there was no more wrath he could feel at the moment

Asmodeus

The moment he saw MC liking his post he went wild. He probably started to text them like crazy. If they didn't respond he would call Solomon, Simeon, Barbatos, anyone he could think of.

He ran straight to his brothers to tell them about the fact that MC was alive and was probably one of the firsts that went to see them.

Once he found out they were alive it was like something awakened inside of him and he felt all the longing he held towards MC come back in full force.

After telling his brothers he is going to the Purgatory Hall to see MC and scream at Solomon for hiding something so big from him.

He 100% cries to MC about missing them and does not care his make up will be ruined.

Since his brothers need more time to calm down, he will take his sweet time catching up with MC and checking in on how they are doing if they will let him

Beelzebub

Another one with a lot of guilt. He couldn't protect Lilith from death, he couldn't protect Belphie from his hatred and he couldn't protect MC either.

He is hurt by the fact that they've decided to hide from everyone at the House of Lamentation but he can't hold it against them

One of the first to go see them. He wants to see with his own eyes that they are truly alive and well, or as well as they could be after dying

Would try to hug them but stops himself thinking it would be a bad idea. The last time a demon has offered MC a hug they got unalived. If MC does accept his hug, they will be carried around for a while since Beel would refuse to let them out of his grasp

He had been guilt-ridden since their 'death'. His eating habits have been all over the place. From not being able to eat to going on rampages due to painful emptiness in his stomach. Just seeing MC being alive made Beel's hunger go back to its normal self.

Belphegor

Because not only did the bros think MC was dead for good but because MC was not there to repair his relationship with his brothers, Belphegor is pretty much secluded from his brothers.

Barbatos probably still told him about the whole Lilith thing. He had to deal with the fact that not only was his hate misplaced for centuries but also with the fact that he killed someone he really got attached with, someone his brothers got attached with.

He had no one to blame but himself this time, had no one to help him manage all of these feelings, he pretty much is on his own. Sure, his brothers are still there but their relationship is strained as fuck.

When he finds out MC is actually alive he does see it as his chance to make it better but he doesn't go to see them. Not straight away at least. He is smart, he knows why they probably wanted to remain 'dead'. He is the reason for that.

He will give them time, he will let his brothers have their turn first, even if he doesn't like it, because he knows that's the least he could do for all of them. He only wishes he was not so blinded by anger and resentment, especially since it was so misplaced.

[promise-you-doie]

Get a Guitar | S. Eunseok

Summary: If you want something to play with... Pairing: Eunseok x Reader Sungchan x Reader words: 15k Genre: kind of a love triangle, fluff, angst. warnings: mild cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of death and Ted Bundy (Not proofread.) and thank you to @ningngyu for helping me write this

Saturdays were the one day of the week where you were guaranteed to be doing absolutely nothing.  

You’d usually spend your weekend sleeping or binging all of your favorite shows and locking your bedroom door to stop your best friend from attempting to drag you out to one of those really weird underground events that she liked.

Today was the same, without fail she’s pounding at your door, so much so that you can hear the aggressive knocking on the door even over your headphones that were turned up all the way. 

“Come on, just this one time please.” she begs through the door but you can’t hear anything she’s saying over the thumping of wood and the Beyoncé song you have playing in an attempt to blare her out. 

“Y/N i know you hear me.” 

Annoyed and frustrated you throw your legs across the bed and stomp to open the door, revealing your smiley bestfriend. whom you absolutely adored, but you’d be lying if you said there weren’t times when you wanted to sell her.

She was amazing but it was kinda like having a younger sister. No, it was exactly like having a younger sister. because although you guys are the same age, she didn’t have a license so she needed you to drive her everywhere and she stole your clothes.

“I'm not going out tonight.” you say before she could even speak. 

“oh please please please. there will be cute guys there.” Her bottom lip is poked out and her hands are held put in prayer form when she looks at you with puppy dog eyes. 

none of it phases you though, holding your ground which makes her plead more. 

“I'll buy you food and I'll even clean your car.” 

when she sees that you’re still not convinced she continues. “We can even leave whenever you want.” 

That's when you roll your eyes and sigh. “Fine, but my car better look brand new when you’re done.” you say and she begins jumping and gleaming. 

“thank you thank you thank you.”

your best friend was a liar, First she was broke so there was no way she could buy you food. Second, there was absolutely no one here that caught your eye. 

The unruly music blaring through the small crowded building made your ears feel like they were bleeding, and of course your best friend was nowhere to be found. As she left you the second the both of you entered the facility. 

you wanted to go home and lay in the comfort of your own bed, but you couldn’t leave her here with no way to get home. So there you stood, all alone arms crossed over your chest and a frown resting flat on your face. with your eyebrows unintentionally furrowed.

“Can’t be that bad.” a completely unfamiliar voice came from beside you, and it takes a lot of strength for you not to yell at them to go away. 

“This just isn’t my kind of scene.” you say not bothering to look at the stranger. hoping that if you show that you’re completely uninterested he’ll go away.

“I’m guessing this is your first time.” he asks

That's when you finally look at him, intending to give him a piece of your mind but taken back when your eyes find him. Maybe your friend wasn’t a complete liar, you think. because this man is so fine you catch yourself at a loss for words and thoughts. 

having to shake your head slightly before you find something to say. “Uh.. yeah. This is my first time?” 

“It gets better.” he reassures, breaking eye contact and looking at the band in front of you. which for some reason makes you a little sad. you enjoy having all of his attention on you. 

“Thanks.” you say, still looking up at him.

“yeah.”

“What’s your name by the way?” You ask, hoping that he’d turn his gaze back to you, and it works. He looks back down at you and answers your question. “Silver stone.” 

“huh?” your mouth is agape when you look at him, confused by his answer. 

“That’s just my stage name. You can call me Eunseok.” he smiles as he holds his hand out for you to shake, his smile was the perfect asset to his already perfectly sculpted face. His hands are soft and strong at the same time, while his voice is deep and gentle, playing like a beautiful melody to your ears. 

“I’m Y/n.” You answer, still looking at him in awe, loving the way his eyes watch you. You can feel the heat arise from your cheeks. 

“So your stage name is Silver stone?” You ask, still dragging on the conversation. Just so his eyes wouldn’t leave your figure. 

“Yeah it’s a long story.” He releases a small deep laugh that causes you to suck your bottom lip in between your teeth. Eyes trained to his small movements, him dragging his hand through his “hair to pull it out of his face and rolling up the sleeves of his long sleeve sweater to reveal his forearms. 

The way he looks down at you with hooded eyelids makes the overly crowded building feel like it’s just you and him. 

“I’m guessing you’re in a band? If you have a stage name I mean.” you state, while tilting your head slightly to the side and looking up at him. 

“I’m the lead guitar player.” He says casually, which causes your brain to turn to mush and you to take notice of his long slim fingers. “Oh he has to be a player.” you think to yourself, but If it was possible you were now even more attracted to him, wanting to know more. 

“Hey, we've got 5 minutes.” You can hear and feel the bubble around you and Eunseok pop when two strangers come over and disturb your conversation. His eyes shift from you to the two boys beside you. 

“Oh?… I meant take your time. We can be a few minutes late.” One of them says while looking at you. 

“Sorry I don't mean to hold you up.” you trail off when he looks back down at you. 

“Sorry I gotta go perform really fast. But stay here I’ll be right back. Okay?” 

You move your lips to say “alright.” But he doesn’t notice as disappears into the crowd. Leaving you feeling alone again. 

“Oh my god Y/N. Do you know who that was?” someone says as they tap your shoulder. you turn to see your best friend pointing out the man you were just having a conversation with while slapping at your arm aggressively. 

“Eunseok?” you question, shifting away from her so she couldn’t hit you anymore.

“Silver stone!” she corrects, and continues “Oh my goodness, girl he was totally flirting with you.” she squeals. 

“I don’t think he was.”

“If you guys start dating just make sure that you set me up on a date Sohee, the drummer. my god he’s so cute.” 

“Sohee?”

Your question goes unanswered when the lights fade. Worrying you for just a few seconds before you hear a guitar riff that makes you turn towards the stage. Just in time for a bright spot light to hit the tall boy who was just standing in front of you a small moment ago.  

Hearing the music he’s playing has you gravitating closer towards the stage leaving your best friend behind as you do. Your eyes trained to the handsome guitar player. You think he looks like a star, shining perfectly with his fingers strategically working the strings of the red electric guitar. 

The music he’s playing is like a magic spell straight to your heart, feeling your body react to him in a way you’ve never felt with anyone else. Watching him so intently that you forget to blink. 

You suck in a sharp gasp when he looks up, and easily locks eyes with you. Never missing a note as he bites on his bottom lip and the rest of the band come in. Once again making it feel like it was just you, him and his guitar. 

You break eye contact first out of embarrassment, your whole body heating up just from the intensity of the eye contact. You’ve met attractive guys before, but this was different. This was completely different. It was something about him that was just captivating. 

“Give it up for R&R everyone.” The host announces and everyone begins to clap. 

You see Eunseok run off stage and make his way back to you. At the same time your best friend walks up beside you. 

“How were we?” he asks, partly out of breath.

“You were… amazing. Wow, that was really amazing.” you praise. 

“Really?” 

“Don’t you think it was good?” you turn the question back around to him. 

“I do, I just wanted to know if you liked it?” he says. 

The members that you just saw on stage performing with him not too long ago are now standing beside him. Each holding a hand on one of his shoulders while he talks to you. 

“These are my bandmates. Sohee our drummer.” He introduces. 

The man whose name you’ve just learned sticks his hand out to meet yours, and you notice his bright smile and glistening eyes. You easily recognize his name, you just couldn’t remember where you heard it. But before you could even grasp his hand, your best friend slaps it out of the way to shake his hand instead. Batting her eyelashes and muttering her name and a small “Nice to meet you.” Sohee returns her smile as he turns to look at you and Eunseok all while keeping his hold on your best friends hand. 

He’s not as tall as Eunseok, but he’s just as pretty. He has thick dark brown hair that looks extremely soft and you can tell he’s a little younger than the rest of them. 

“And this is Seunghan, our lead singer.” Seunghan is taller than Sohee but not as tall as eunseok. He has a small sarcastic smirk that makes you feel like he knows something that you don’t. But you don’t question it aloud. 

“Nice to meet you.” You smile at him. 

“And lastly, this is Wonbin, our bassist.” Wonbin’s pretty, he looks like someone you’d find as a model for a luxury brand, his long hair just barely covering his face and his smirk towards eunseok makes you feel like you're missing something. 

“Wow you all were so good.” You boast at the four boys. 

“Thanks.” Seunghan smiles 

“But how good is our guitar player, I mean he’s so talented. And look how tall he is.” Wonbin begins to compliment him. 

“And he's a true gentleman. He knows how to treat a lady. He’d make a great boyfriend, I must say.” Sohee adds.

“That’s great because Y/n needs a boyfriend.” Your best friend holds your shoulder to show you off. You give her a side glare as Eunseoks friends continue to tease him.

“Okay guys that's enough.” Eunseok attempts to stop them but fails. 

“He’s free tomorrow by the way. Well only In the afternoons. He spends his Sunday mornings tending to children in need. Like a good humanitarian.”

“Alright, good night.” Eunseok begins to push his members away.

“I’m also free tomorrow.” You say urgently before he could walk away. you don’t know what possessed you, but you really didn’t wanna let the opportunity pass you by. When he turns back around to face you, you can't hide your smile. 

“Great, just uh give him your number and he’ll contact you about a time.” Sohee smiles at you and Eunseok. 

“He’s a true romantic, you won’t be disappointed.” Wonbin continues while Eunseok pulls out his phone for you to put your number in. His eyes trained on you as you do.

“Okay you two, enough of your shenanigans.” Seunghan drags the two boys away leaving you alone with Eunseok again.

“I’m sorry about them.” You pass him his phone back with your number now saved

“Don’t be. They seem fun.” You laugh softly. 

“They are, but it’s like having a bunch of annoying little brothers.”

You roll your eyes “Tell me about it.” As you say that, you feel your best friend's hard glare burning into the side of your face.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He questions after a small moment of silence between the two of you. 

“Yeah, you will.” You confirm.

“Perfect, see you then.”

“See you.” Just as he walks away to catch up with his members your best friend begins smacking your arm and squealing again. 

“Did you see him, isn't he cute?” she doesn’t fail to slap your arm until you’re holding her hands down. 

“Who? eunseok?”

“Girl no. Sohee. He’s so fine, god damn.” says your best friend.

“Oh yeah he’s cute, I guess."

“Stay away from my man.” Her smile drops and she’s glaring at you as if you really had intentions of taking (not) her man. 

“Huh?” you ask, genuinely confused.

“Okay let’s go home now. They’re all we came for.”

That night you had stayed up thinking about the guitar player you met earlier in the night, remnants of his smile lingered on your mind. Leaving you giggling into the palms of your hands to stop from screaming, squealing and waking your roommate up from her very deep sleep.

You had a date with a band member. It felt even better to say aloud. Especially because it’s been so long since you’ve allowed yourself to like someone other than that basketball player you've had a crush on for over three months. 

“Okay which outfit?”

“One” you held the mini skirt to you waist with a top that you felt matched perfectly 

“Or two” you rotated and held up a cute baby blue dress that you thought would be great for a picnic.

“Mm def number one. I love the way that skirt fits your ass. I'm feeling like he’s definitely an ass guy.” Your best friend speaks unsolicited which warrants you to smile and roll your eyes. 

“Great, I’ll go with the dress.”

“Ugh, what’s the point of asking.”

“So I know which one not to choose.” Slipping the dress on easily and looking at yourself in the mirror, before you turn back to your friend. 

“How do I look?” You ask, turning to her, hoping for her approval. 

She doesn’t answer at first. Only walking around to you and fixing parts of the dress that you couldn’t see and moving some strands of hair into position. Once she’s satisfied she finally gives the answer you’ve been waiting for.

“You look great Y/N.” she says softly while looking at you through the mirror. Moments like this are what reminds you of why she was your best friend in the first place. But these moments don’t last long because she always says something right after to make you question your life's decisions.

“Your ass looks really good in this dress too.” She says looking down. 

“Thanks...” you say sarcastically.

“See aren’t you glad I dragged you out last night.” she's smiling at you although she already knows what you're going to say.

“No, not really.” 

“Look at my baby, she’s growing up and going on dates.” She coos ignoring your answer 

“Okay~ I think it’s time for me to go.” You say walking away from her.

“Yes, it is, he’s outside.” She checks your phone looks up at you.

“Outside? Like outside.” You ask to clarify.

“That’s what he just texted you.”

“Oh my god.” You yell.

“Girl go!”

“I'm leaving, I'm leaving.” You yell while you struggle with your shoes, and your best friend runs for your bag, phone, perfume and lip gloss. After you feel you’ve got everything you run towards the door with your best friend behind you. 

“Bye, have a good time and remember the rules.” She waves to you as you leave the apartment.

“Of Course bye love you.”

“The Rules.” We’re just a list of commandments the two of you made up on some random night but with good reason of course. 

Rule number 1: don’t have sex on the first date 

Everyone knows this one. It’s like a rule of thumb, but of course your best friend didn’t know this and she slept with some chlamydia infected rando. She spent the entire night crying which led to this being rule number 1

Rule number 2: when going on a date always keep your location on. Men are weird and the last thing you need is to find your girlfriend's body being discovered on the shore of a lake on national news.

Rule number 3: keep your phone charged, this goes with rule number 2. Safety first babe

Rule number 4: don’t go to a man’s place on the first date. The two of you spend too much time watching crime documentaries 

Rule number 5: make sure to get Sohee's number.

She just added this one after setting up your date with “silver stone.”

“There you are.” You immediately recognize the voice calling for you. Turning to find the very man you met yesterday. He’s just as handsome as you remember the night prior, but seeing him in the sunlight accentuates his features such as the curves of his cheek bones. 

“Sorry I’m late.” You apologize while walking towards him and his jet black suzuki bike. 

“I didn’t mind waiting.” He says standing up from leaning on the bike, with the smile you were quickly learning to love.

“Have you ever ridden on a bike before?” he asks, watching you examine the motorcycle behind him. “No, I’ve always wanted to but I'm so scared.” you admit shyly while shifting your focus back up to him. 

“It’s not as scary as you think, don’t worry” You stand in place when he slips his jacket off and walks closer to you. He leans forward and wraps it around your waist to prevent you mooning any drivers behind you if your dress rises up. “There you go”

Eunseok was also a liar. It wasn’t too scary at first but the second he hit the highway you felt your heart drop to your stomach. You had to close your eyes and tighten your hold around his waist. Even though you knew that if an incident were to happen this wouldn’t save anything. You still just needed something to hold on to. 

The ride was only 15 minutes but you could’ve sworn it was longer, by the time he parked you felt nauseous and kinda light headed. 

Immediately you throw your helmet off to get some fresh air and calm your racing heart. Your back is turned to him, but you can feel that he’s watching you. 

“See that wasn’t too bad.” He smirks at you, while you're still trying catch your breath.

You just hold your index finger up to him because you're too afraid that if you speak, you’re going to throw up. 

“You- mm” you stop to take a breath. 

“I’m never trusting you again.” you add.

“You’ll get used to it.” he laughs and takes the helmet out of your hand. “Once we head back it’ll be better.” 

“Head back?” you hadn’t even thought about the fact that you were gonna have to do it again. “I’ll just take an uber back.” 

“Now why would I let you do that?” 

“You don’t have a choice.” Once your heart is calmed and you no longer feel the need to puke, you take notice of your surroundings. Quickly noticing that this isn’t the place that people usually host picnics.

“Where are we?” 

“My apartment.’ He says casually. 

“I thought we were going on a picnic.” You ask, now slightly scared. He didn’t seem too threatening, but neither did Ted Bundy when he picked up his victims. 

“We're getting there.” He begins walking and you follow after him, still a little nervous but justifying with the fact that he was tall and attractive. Trying to push back the idea of having to confront your best friend after she finds out you broke the second rule. 

You think to help yourself you’ll just turn your location off that way you could at least just lie and pretend that your phone died. Fortunately and unfortunately you didn’t have to lie because as soon as you turned your location off it actually died. 

So if he actually was a psychopath you were fucked. 

You allow him to guide you to his apartment unit, trying to shush any thoughts of the many torture methods he probally has planned behind his apartment door. Hoping that if you just comply he’d go easy on you. 

Once the both of you reach the door you mentally brace yourself for what’s next to come. Looking around and making sure to identify all of the exits in case it is needed. But to your surprise there's just a blanket layed out with snacks, drinks and a pretty decorated cake. 

“You put all this together?” you turn and look up at him. Being able to breathe easier, since you walked into his apartment. 

“It was kinda last minute, I’ll plan something better next time.” he admits.

If this is last minute you were definitely looking forward to what he’d do when he had the time. You sit down on the pillow seats that he laid out and he takes a seat right beside you, not too close but close enough for you to be able to smell the cologne that he was wearing.

 And he keeps that same distance throughout the entire evening. Never once laying a finger on you, even though you really wanted him to. Hoping that maybe he’d at least slide his hand over yours or something but he doesn’t, not even accidentally.

“So how long have you been in your band?” you ask leaning back on your palms to get more comfortable.

“Only a year.” He responds.

“a year? You guys are so good.” 

“You think so?”

“I do.” you tilt your head to rest just barely on your shoulder. Watching how his smile grows towards you. 

There's a silence between the both of you for just a second, but it isn’t awkward at all. You’re just admiring him and all of his beauty. Finding that he’s extremely easy to be around. His presence is comforting and not at all hostile, like the other guys you’ve talked to. 

You’d lost track of time just talking to him, getting to know more about him, just as you wanted. Being alone in his apartment ensured that you had his undivided attention and he had yours. He had nowhere else to look but you. And you loved the way he looked at you, with soft warm and inviting eyes. 

“Where’d you learn to play?” You ask when he sits back down with the guitar.

“My dad. He used to play all the time, I guess I just kinda picked it up.” He began to pluck the strings of the instrument.

“This was his favorite song,” he continues. 

His fingers dance elegantly along the strings of the guitar. Creating a nice sound to match for when he begins to hum along. “I can’t remember the words, but it went something like-” 

He continues to sing how he thinks he remembers the song going, playing along as he does. Naturally you close your eyes to just listen to him. Listening to how clear and deep his voice is, how it causes you to melt away. 

“Do you know any other songs?” you say when he finishes. 

He looks up at you, and pauses before he speaks. Taking a quick glance of your lips, he looks away faster than you can blink, but you still catch it. 

“Uh- yeah. Yeah I know a few.” he stutters a little trying to avoid making eye contact with you. 

“I’ll play another one.” He finally looks at you one last time, but you’re still giving him the lustful gaze you gave him a few moments ago when he looked at you the first time. He tries to look away but he likes the eye contact you guys are keeping. He likes it so much that he slightly throws his guitar from over his lap and reaches over to place both hands on each side of your face. Pulling you in for an intense and heated kiss. 

One hand still rested on your cheek and the other hand sliding behind your head right above your neck. He can feel you smiling into the kiss, happy for him to finally be touching you the way you wanted. 

You pull away first, lips swollen and heavy breathing but there's still little to no distance between the both of you. His eyes never leave yours when he’s still trying to catch his breath. You find that he looks even more attractive this way, he was charming before but he just looks so enchanting right now. 

He’s looking at you like he needs more and you’re more than happy to give it to him because you feel the exact same way. Now it’s your turn to grab his face and pull him into another eager kiss until he gently lays you on the floor and you wrap your arms around his neck to get him as close to you as possible. 

You’d say the date went well, you got a chance to know more about him just as you wanted to. Just not in the way you thought you would. 

“Do you need me to walk you up?” He asks when you hand him back his extra helmet. “Um no, I think I’ll be fine.” You say although you’re really just scared of how your friend will react when she sees him bringing you back so late. 

“Oh…” He says rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. 

“But I did have a lot of fun tonight.” you hurry and say to stop him from getting the wrong idea. “Good, I enjoyed myself too.” he smiles when you do. “I think it’s time for me to go in.” You say although, you stand there for a while longer. Just looking at him. “Goodnight.” He replies to you. 

“Goodnight.” you linger for just a few seconds longer. “I’ll text you later.” you say lastly before finally getting ready to walk away. “Oh by the way…” He says before you could go anywhere. 

“Is your friend single?” he finishes. 

“Huh?” you’re at a loss for words. You don’t even know how to react to that question after the both of you just spent hours talking and making out on his apartment floor.

 He sees the way your jaw goes slack and he rushes to defend himself, waving his palm in the air. 

“No no no, It’s not what you’re thinking. Sohee was just interested, and very adamant about making sure that I got her information.” 

“Oh?” you laugh feeling relieved. “Oh, yeah that makes sense. I knew that.” you lie. 

And he lets out a sigh of relief

“Here,” He says as he pulls up Sohee’s contact on his phone. “You can just send him her number.” He continues as he passes his phone to you.

“Okay,” You say when you pass the phone back to him, having sent your bestfriends number to Sohee. “Great, I’ll text you tomorrow then.” He says. 

“And I’ll answer.” 

The conversation lingers for just a while longer before you watch him ride off on his bike and you make your way up to your apartment unit. Giggly about your date with Eunseok. You expect your best friend to be asleep at this time of night, so you try your best to be quiet when you sneak in. Carefully turning the doorknob and opening the door to your dark apartment. 

However you couldn’t be anymore wrong as your face is nearly met with a shoe the second you open the door. You don’t even get a chance to say anything before another one comes flying at you. “What the hell are you doing?” You finally get a chance to yell in between her throwing yet another shoe. 

“Do you know what time it is?” She yells at you. “It’s one in the morning. Where the hell were you?” She continues. “Why is your location off?” “Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”

She asks a million questions without giving you time to answer any of them. “Do you know how worried I was?”

 “Aww you care about me?” You clench your heart. 

“No! Who’s gonna pay your half of the rent if you’re dead??” 

“Oh?” you throw your hands back down to your side. 

“Well, now that I know you’re alive. Tell me everything.” She squeals and plops down on the couch. FInally calming down so you could sit down besides her. 

“Okay~ so we went back to his apartment-” “You went to his apartment?” She raises her voice to you once again. 

“Yeah, but look I’m alive.” You stand and hold your hands up in defense before she could hit you again. 

“...Fine.” She rolls her eyes and puts her arms back down from getting ready to hit you. “But why was your location off, and why didn’t you answer any of my calls?” 

“My phone died.” you try to plead your case. 

“So did you follow any of the rules?” She throws her hands down.

“Well-” You begin to say but get cut off when her phone rings and she shifts her attention from you to her phone. “Oh it’s sohee… continue.” she begins nonchalantly. 

“Okay so we-” You get cut off again when she begins screaming, “Sohee texted me, oh my god my man texted me” she starts jumping all over you when she comes to reality. 

“wait… you had sex?” she stops thinking about sohee to continue 

“uh.. look sohee texted you!” you try to distract her 

“Y/n don’t play with me.”

“We only kissed.” 

“with tongue?” she asks 

“maybe…” you say looking off to the side.

“Oh my god, I knew I should've given you those condoms.”

“We didn't need the condoms.”

“you’re right, I'm definitely ready to be a godmother.” She shakes her head. “Godmother?” you question.

“So does this mean Sungchan is out of the picture?”

“No, me and eunseok were just a one time thing. That’s what he does with girls anyways, Right?” 

Sungchan, Jung Sungchan?  Tall and attractive basketball player you’ve been tutoring for three months and crushing on since forever? No. He’s never gonna be out of the picture. 

Although, it’s definitely safe to say he was never even in the picture. considering you’ve been waiting on him to make a move since he accidentally slipped up and directly described you as his ideal type. 

It was only 2 weeks ago but you really hated the anticipation of waking up everyday wondering if it was gonna be the day he finally asked you out.

And it still hadn’t changed even today when you walk into your biology class, searching for him immediately only to find that he was already looking at you. smiling and waving for you to come over.

“Goodmorning.” he speaks first

“goodmorning.”

“I got you coffee.” He says placing the cup of iced americano in front of you. 

“You didn’t have to.” You take your seat besides him.

“I wanted to thank you for helping me pass my midterms.”

“It's my job.”

“and you do it very well. Also, are you busy today? It'd be nice to have you cheer me on at practice.”

“I’ll be there.”

You guys were already basically dating, with you showing up to all his basketball practices and games. going over to his apartment or having him come to yours. knowing all of his friends and even texting each other goodnight/goodmorning.

The only thing missing was the official title of being his girlfriend.

“Good morning class.” The professor starts and waits for everyone to respond before carrying on with her lesson for the day. “You all will be put into groups of three to work on a project. And of course, I will be choosing teams.”

She reads off the list for a while before getting to you. 

“Okay group number 5, Y/N, Eunseok…” The last name goes completely unheard. You’re scrunching your eyebrows thinking that maybe there has to be a mistake because you don’t have a class with someone named Eunseok. 

“Sweet we get to work together.” Sungchan nudges you and you give him a half smile while looking around the room for the person you met last night. and sure enough you find the handsome guitar player sitting by the window of the room. his eyes already on you. 

If there was a word that could accurately describe the emotions you’re going through it’d be fucked. Was there a better word? Probably but the only word that came to mind was fuck. Well actually the first word that came to mind was “Huh” because you had never noticed that you shared this class with him before now.

But also because you thought you’d never see him again after last night. Assuming that he probably had a list of girls on his roster. But now that you knew that you were gonna be seeing him a lot more than you thought, you were fucked. 

“Eunseok… Hey.” You say trying to muster up a sincere smile. 

“Oh do you guys know each other?”  Sungchan asks, looking at the both of you.

“Yeah.” Eunseok answers before you can say anything 

“Only a little.” you add, trying to ignore the way Eunseok looks at you. “There’s a seat right here.” Sunghchan says, pointing to the chair beside him. You were no genius but allowing your somewhat one night stand to sit beside your potential boyfriend just didn’t seem like the brightest idea. 

So that’d justify why you suddenly and aggressively yell “no” when sungchan offers. “I mean, you can just sit right here.” You giggle when they both look at you shocked. 

Sports were never really your thing, but it became your thing when you started tutoring Sungchan. Loving the way he looks when he’s all sweaty, out of breath and his index finger always points directly to you right before he makes a shot.

Seeing him on the court always reminds you of why you stayed up late nights talking your best friend’s head off about him. He’s good at what he does and he also looks hella good doing it. Yes, him being tall, and a basketball player does play a big role in why you’re so attracted to him, but that wasn’t why you fell for him in the first place. It’d definitely have to be how special he made you feel, or how often he praised and complimented you. 

Or it could have been the way he always goes straight to you whenever he helps to win one of his games. You were still trying to figure out exactly why you liked him so much, but also trying to find out if he even liked you, or if you just thought he did.  

“Water?” you ask when he runs to you, and hunches over with his hands on his knees while trying to catch his breath. 

“Thanks.” He receives the water bottle from your hand and you observe how much smaller the bottle looks when he’s holding it. Your eyes stay trained to him when he brings the drink up his lips and he tilts his head back for the water to easily slide down his throat. You pay attention to the way his arm slightly flexed and how his damp hair stuck to certain parts of his forehead and around his face. 

“I’m gonna go get changed and then we can get ready to go.” He speaks through his heavy breaths, while pushing his hair back once again flexing his arm. 

“Okay.”  

He leans down again, this time his breaths are stable. He just wants to get on your level so you don't have to look up at him. Making eye contact with you when he does so. 

“You did a good job cheering for me.” He smiles at you, easily leaving you flustered when he speaks so only you could hear him. 

“Isn’t that why you asked me to come?” 

“That’s exactly why I asked, nobody else does it like you.” 

“Go get changed Sungchan.” You push him away weakly. 

There were many reasons why you liked sungchan, so it’s very hard to really pinpoint when you actually started falling for him and why. He was sweet, and funny, He was also very gentle with you. He was completely different from the stereotypes that other sports players had built for themselves.

“You have 3 months until the big game,” You begin to start a conversation while walking beside him to your car. 

“Yeah, I’m kinda nervous about it.”

“You’re nervous? You’re Jung Sungchan, best player on the whole team. You’re gonna do amazing.” 

“Are you gonna be there?” he stops in front of you.

“I wouldn’t miss it.” You say looking up at him.

“Then we’ll definitely win.” 

If only he was your boyfriend. If only he was your boyfriend you could kiss him goodbye instead of just imagining it. If only he was your boyfriend you could hold his hand instead of letting it just swing closely, just to get half the satisfaction of having your hand in his. 

If you had to give all of the reasons why you liked sungchan, you’d probably run out of time and breath. But if you were to give just the one reason you’d even consider looking at someone else it’d be because he strung you along as if you had all the time in the world. 

Because he’d say and do things that make you feel like there’s just no way he doesn’t like you the way you like him. But then he’d also say and do things that make you feel like you’re just reaching. 

“I’ll te-” His stopped mid sentence when two girls who you assumed were best friends walk up behind the both of you. Looking up at him, because of the way he towers over the three of you. 

“Sungchan.” one of the girls speaks. 

You watch him turn around to face the girls, and then switch your focus to watch them. They’re pretty, both of them. It doesn’t make you question yourself but it is something that you observe. 

“I think you’re really cute, can I have your number?” She asks, completely ignoring you standing behind him. even if she had acknowledged you it wouldn't change anything. it wasn’t like you could get mad and call her a home wrecker or anything.

But when he turns to you instead of answering first you feel a kaleidoscope of butterflies in your stomach. Nodding your head to ensure that you didn’t have an issue with him giving them his number. Were you actually okay with it? no. but you were curious to see what he was going to do.

He pleasantly surprises you when he shakes his head no, and wraps one of his arms around your shoulders. “I’m kinda busy right now.” 

“ah, I'm so sorry for bothering you guys.” the girl looks at you and then runs off with her friend

When they’re gone you look up to him expecting to talk about the interaction that just happened. but he doesn’t, only moving his arm from around you and continuing from where he left off before he was interrupted.

“I'll text you later.” he says, opening the door to your car.

“Okay” 

“drive safe.” Is the last thing he says before you split ways.

“I will.”

And the night with Eunseok? You plan on never talking or even thinking about it again. Was it fun? Yes, you definitely enjoyed yourself. And you wouldn’t be convincing anyone if you said that you hadn’t even thought about him once since last night. 

But if you were thinking about making things work with Sungchan, then you had to go about life pretending that Eunseok didn’t even exist. Which he was making very hard to do. 

You look away from your notes to look at the notification that pops up on your phone. Assuming that it’s probably Sungchan texting you just he assured you he would. However the name that flashes across your phone isn’t Sungchans. 

“Shit.” You whisper aloud and it causes your best friend to also look away from her notes. “What?”

“Eunseok just texted me.” You shyly admit.

“Why’s that a bad thing?” She sits up fully.

“I didn’t think he’d talk to me again.” 

“So you just wanted to fuck and never talk again.” She bluntly asks.

“We didn’t have sex… and yes. I thought that he did that with everyone.” 

“Okay what did he say?” She points to your phone, while still looking at you.

“He asked if I was busy.” 

“Well hurry up and text him back before he thinks you are busy.” She gestures to your phone.

“I can’t text him, what about Sungchan?” You ask.

“Sungchan? As in Jung Sungchan. Girl, are we still talking about this man?” You best friend rolls her eyes.

“Sungchan whom I’ve had a crush on since forever.”

“Exactly and where has that gotten you?” 

Leave it to her to be brutally honest with you, while also making you feel incredibly stupid

“We’re working on it.”  You say lowly and look to the side.

“Yeah right, tell him you’re free.” 

“Fine.” 

You aren’t doing anything wrong, right? It’s not like you and Sungchan are actually dating. Actually you are a free woman, so why not explore your options. Besides, you're just hanging out so really you aren’t doing anything wrong. 

His response comes immediately after you tell him you’re not doing anything. “He said he wants me to come watch them rehearse.” You bite your bottom lip while looking at your best friend. 

You’ve come to find that you actually love watching Eunseok play. You can tell just how much he loves what he does. All in the way his fingers elegantly dance along with the strings, creating a captivating melody that has you mesmerized. 

While subconsciously leaning forward, you stop focusing on his hands and start focusing on his face. How concentrated he looks trying to get the notes right on his instrument. 

He looks up when he begins to feel you watching him, smiling when his eyes meet yours. 

“You wanna try?” 

“No, no I can't, I'll break it.” You shake your head and wave your hands but he doesn’t listen to any of your arguments as he stands up and gently hooks the guitar strap around your shoulder. While resting the heavy instrument in your lap.

“Eunseok,” You look up at him, protesting once again. 

“Just hold it like this.” He says, moving your hand to where it needs to be. 

“Then just…” He demonstrates by grabbing your other hand and using your own fingers to strum the strings of his guitar. Showing you a few times before he allowed you to try again on your own. 

“See you’ve got it.” He speaks right by your ear, still holding the neck of the guitar up so you’d be more comfortable. 

“I did it!” you smile, not noticing how close he was until you turn your face to look at him. When his lips are so close to yours, you suddenly feel like you have stopped breathing. Your body goes into complete shock for a few seconds, and you don't know what to do.

“Uh, what a nice guitar, how much was this?” You begin to ramble, out of complete embarrassment, Striking a few chords on his guitar and jumping when they come out horrible. 

“I’ll just give this back.” 

Your heart's racing now and you feel the heat rush to your cheeks. Why did you let your roommate talk you into this? The “why” is unclear and all you know is that his small and deep laugh doesn’t help aid in the embarrassment you feel right now. 

“I can teach you more if you want.” 

“Uh, no it’s fine. That’s definitely more your thing.” You shake your head and pass him the guitar back. 

You glance up at the other boys, seeing that they had paused their practicing just to watch you and Eunseok. “Actually, maybe I should go. I don’t wanna interrupt you guys' practice time.” You look back up to him. 

“You aren’t interrupting anything.” 

He says to try to stop you and when it doesn’t work he looks over at wonbin. Who’s only gesturing at him to go after you. 

“Let me at least walk you to your car.” He speaks up as he runs behind you. 

“Okay.” is all that you say, slowing down so that he can catch up with you and walk in silence. You have a bunch of thoughts running through your head, feeling the need to get them all out before you forget everything. 

“About last night,” He stops walking completely when you begin to speak. 

“I just wanted to apologize. I don’t usually do that, well I’m not usually like that. I don’t know what happened. And I hope that it doesn’t make things awkward between us.” You explain 

“We can just forget it all happened if you want.” 

“Could we?” 

“Of course.” 

He smiles at you and you smile back, relieved to have gotten that off your chest. Knowing that class is gonna be so much easier now that you aren’t giving him the wrong Idea. 

“But we can still hang out right. Because I really like hanging out with you.” He continues when you start to walk again. 

Hearing him say that makes you realize, you actually like hanging out with him too. Watching him play and getting to know him better. 

“I like hanging out with you too.” You turn to look up at him when you finally reach your car. 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yes, you will.” 

It goes quiet again, mainly because there’s nothing else left to say. But you’re not ready to leave yet. You suddenly start to feel the same way you felt when you first met him. It could have been because there was no one else around so he had nowhere else to look but at you. 

Having his eyes on you was like having your own personal spotlight, his dark obsidian eyes shining down on you like you were the prettiest thing to walk the earth. That might have been the reason you slowly gravitated closer to him. Slowly closing the space between both of you until your chest was pressed against his. 

He leans down but only a little, just enough for you to feel his breath brush against your face. And he’s still not as close as you want him to be. So you latch on to each of his shoulders and get up on your tippy toes so that your face could be leveled with his. 

Now his nose is barely touching yours, and your eyes are trained to his lips. Pausing before you think to kiss him, “Are you gonna apologize for this tomorrow?” He asks against your lips,

“Probably,” you say and it comes out almost in a whisper. 

Despite your answer he still wraps his arms around your waist as if it were even possible for you to get even closer to him. And he attaches his lips onto yours, while leaning down to your height so that  you could place your feet flatly on the ground again. 

Your arms wrap tightly around his neck pulling him towards you like he’s the last man you’re ever gonna kiss. 

“okay.” you whisper when you break the kiss 

“okay.” 

“Goodnight.”

“goodnight.” the two of you go back and forth.

“I should probably go now.”

“Alright, get home safe.” he says but neither of you let go of eachother. your arms still wrapped tightly around his neck and his hands still sitting firmly on your waist.

Maybe it was a good thing you let your best friend drag you out that night. Even though she never made good on her promises, but it wasn’t like you were expecting much from her. Being with Eunseok was so much different than anything you’ve ever experienced. He did all the things you wanted Sungchan to, and he was just as gentle with you as Sungchan was. He listened to you and made you feel desired.

Which is exactly why you agreed everytime he asked you out again. 

However, with going on dates with Eunseok and still somewhat kinda seeing Sungchan things had begun to overlap and it started to get hard balancing the both of them. So you went to get advice from the person that got you in this mess in the first place. 

“Alright how about this, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, are for sungchan. Since he was here first.” your best friend writes down on the notebook in between you.

“Okay.” you nod

“and then Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are for Eunseok.”

“And sunday?” You ask, looking up at her. 

“That’s your day off, this is a full time job.” She explains 

“oh.” 

And you knew you could trust her. (No you didn’t) That’s why she was your best friend, she always had the best advice. (No she didn’t) 

Going between the two boys was actually quite easy, and even kinda fun. Coming home to recap with your best friend after everyday and using code names so that her new boyfriend wouldn’t catch on. 

“Any progress with the frog?” You best friend asked when you sat your laptop down on the coffee table and took a seat criss cross on the floor in front of it. 

“He told me his grades are getting better. That’s a good thing.” you answer. 

“You know that’s not what I’m asking.” You didn’t have to look to know that she was rolling her eyes. 

“He’s been practicing a lot.” You answer again, still trying to avoid the question you knew she was asking. 

“Did you guys kiss?” She just asks 

“Wait, Kiss? Like a princess and the frog kinda kiss? Wait, you guys have a frog that can play basketball?” Sohee sits up confused. 

“It’s just girl stuff, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.” Your best friend says while leaning in to give him small butterfly kisses on his lips. 

“Okay.” He obeys and goes back to laying his head on her lap. 

“No, we didn’t kiss. We haven’t done anything.” You answer her question and turn back around towards your laptop to finish the list of assignments you’ve been putting off since you were spending more time with sungchan and Eunseok. 

“And the rock?” is all she says, but it causes your lips to turn up into a smile. And you have to look to the side so that she doesn’t see the way your excitement grows when you think about him. 

“We…” You start

“You really like him huh?” She asks 

“The rock?” Sohee sits up again. 

“It’s nothing, baby.” She shushes him. 

She was right, you definitely did like him, a little too much you think.

So much so that even when you weren’t around him you were still thinking about him. So much so that small things reminded you of him. So much so that your heart did a little cartwheel whenever you got a message from him. 

It was just so easy to be with him, you didn’t even have time to think about if he liked you or not. 

Eunseok kept his hand loosely around yours while you jumped and squealed at all the sea animals in the aquarium. Pointing to the ones that you thought were especially enchanting, While you watched the swimming sea creatures he watched you. 

Paying attention to how he could see the reflections of the fishes through your eyes, seeing how your face lit up. 

“This is so beautiful.” You whisper. “Isn’t it?” He says

“Sometimes I wish I was a fish…” You speak while still staring ahead. “I could see this everyday.” you say referencing the pretty scenes of underwater life.

“if you were a fish, you’d be a jellyfish” he said looking at the fish swimming behind the glass.

You turn your head to watch him when he moves to stand behind you and wrap his arms around your torso. 

“Why a jellyfish?” 

“Cause they're my favorite sea animal, and they're really pretty.” He turns and  smiles down at you. 

“You think I’m pretty?” You ask but he doesn’t answer. Only leaning down to give you a chaste kiss on the lips. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” You turn your whole body around to face him.

“I don’t think pretty is a strong enough word to describe you.” He whispers against your lips right before he gives another kiss. This one being more passionate and intense than the first one. 

If this was something that he did with everyone, you bet they felt special. Because you definitely did. No matter how many times you tried to tell yourself not to get too attached to him, he always did something that made you imagine what it’d be like to go all the way with him. 

But then there’s sungchan…

And when you were with sungchan things were just different. 

You kicked a bit of sand up every time you took a step, walking beside Sungchan with your hands dangling beside you. The beach was completely empty, it’s just you and sungchan walking along the shore listening to the crashing of waves. 

The shades of blue and orange reflected off the vast sea beside you. The wind blowing past your skin causes you to shiver and wrap your sweater tighter around your body. 

You weren’t a big fan of beaches, or more the idea of them. The crowds of people sunbathing in the sand and having your food stolen by unruly seagulls. But this wasn’t that, this was romantic and intimate. 

It was perfect, being here with sungchan not a care in the world.

“Are you cold?” He asks slipping his jacket off

“No, I’m okay.” He ignores you completely and wraps his varsity jacket over your shoulders

“Thanks.” You tug the ends of the jacket closer together. 

“The sunset is so pretty.” You look out beside you, watching specifically where the sky and the sea meet. Even with the harsh crashing of waves and screaming of birds, it still wasn’t enough to cover the awkward silence that the both of you had managed to maintain.

“I usually come here when I’m stuck on something and I don’t know what to do.”

“What are you stuck on?” You turn to ask him. 

He stops walking and it kinda starts to scare you. 

“I don’t know how to say this.” that’s when you hold your breath, for the first time in a long time you think he’s about to ask the question you’ve been wanting him to ask. 

“It’s okay, take your time.” you grab his hand without breaking eye contact with him.

Not another word leaves his mouth, because instead of telling you what’s been bothering him. He just leans down and connects his lips with yours. 

It’s gentle and tender. Just how you always imagined your first kiss with him would be. It was amazing, it’s like waking up on Christmas and seeing that you got exactly what you asked for. But when you pull away from the kiss and look up your heart drops. 

You liked being with Eunseok, but you’ve always liked Sungchan. You were very sure of it. So why did you imagine Eunseok when Sungchan kissed you? 

The thought confuses you so much that you go back for another kiss from him, hoping that his one would reset your brain and get you back on track. But it doesn’t because when you open your eyes, You still see Sungchan. 

“How did it go, with the frog?” your best friend asks the second you walk back into your shared apartment. 

“It was good.” 

“It doesn’t sound too good.” She says, “Did anything happen?” 

“Yeah, umm we kissed.” You say nonchalantly 

“Oh my god he finally made a move?” She begins to celebrate for you 

“Wait, so are you like… into frogs?” Sohee walks to counter where you and your best friend are. 

“No, I thought I was but now I think I like the rock, because when the frog kissed me all I could think about was the rock and now I’m confused.” 

“You were thinking about the rock?” You best friend asks 

“So you like to kiss rocks?” Sohee adds  

“No boy hush.” She holds her index finger out to him. 

“GIrl what are you on?” she turns back to you 

“This is your fault, I knew I shouldn’t have continued to see him.” 

“Wait so you told her to kiss the frog?” Sohee asks, still very confused. 

“I told you to go out with him, have fun, be young. Not, fall in love with him.” 

“Are we talking about the rock or the frog?” Sohee interjects again. 

“I’m not in love with him, I don’t even like him.” You roll your eyes

“Okay I don’t know what’s going on but I know that’s a lie. Because the way you talk about the rock makes me want to find a rock. Sohee turns to you 

“So you’d cheat on me with a rock.” Your best friend turns to him. 

“No, of course not. There’s no rock in the world that looks at me the way you do.” 

“And there never will be.” She adds, “But my baby is right, you definitely like the rock.” 

“No, I like the frog.” You correct. 

“Not anymore.” they both say in sync.

Confused as you were, you didn’t stop seeing him. You needed to find if  you actually like him, or if you just liked the way he made you feel. 

You sat right in front of the stage where Eunseok and his band performed. He was right, over time you’d gotten used to being at these kinds of events. Just not for the reason you imagined, you liked being here because he was here. You got to see him in his element. 

And you found this is where he was his best. 

Even though you’d gotten used to being here, it didn’t make the music any better. It just got easier to tune out. The only music being bearable was the music that Eunseok made. The music that got you here in the first place. The music that made you question your true feelings. 

You’re lost in thought, staring at him. Watching him flick at the strings of the guitar and while you were watching you failed to notice that the song he was performing wasn’t a song you heard before. It’s beautiful and different from any of the other songs they’ve done. 

It’s slower in tempo and amorous. Just the song he was playing made you realize that you might actually like him, You might like him alot. It wasn’t just the way he made you feel, it was him himself. 

And you become very sure of it when leaves the stage and makes his way to you kissing you in front of everyone. You become sure of it when he kisses you and you don’t imagine anyone else but him. 

“R&R everyone.” You faintly hear in the speakers behind you. 

But then there was sungchan. 

“You’re gonna be at the game right?” He asks, leaning against the door in front of you. 

“I told you a million times, I won’t miss it.” 

“I just wanna make sure you remember, I’ll be sad if you don’t make it.” 

“I’ll definitely be there, sungchan.” 

“Promise?”  he asks, holding out his pinky to you. 

“Really?” You laugh 

“Yes, I need you to promise me.” 

You’re still giggling but you wrap your pinky finger around his and give him the reassurance that he wants to hear. 

“I promise that I’ll be there. I’ll be cheering louder than anyone else.” You promise with your finger still looped around his. 

“Good.” He gets ready to give you a small peck, but out of panic you turn your head so he kisses your cheek instead and start fake coughing so he doesn’t think anything of it. 

“Sorry, I think I’m coming down with something.” You say in between coughs. “But I’ll see you tomorrow, Sorry, bye.” You don’t give him any time to say anything before you close the door right in his face. 

The second you close the door and turn around, you’re faced with your best friend. “That’s messed up.” 

“What?” 

“You know what.” She smirks, putting an emphasis on the “know”. 

“I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I'm not judging girl. do your thing.” she points and walks back towards her room. 

it definitely felt like she was judging, but you couldn’t blame her. you were judging too. 

You were there, just as you promised.  Sitting on the bleachers, screaming his name whenever you felt appropriate. 

The scores are too close to even predict who you think is gonna win, but you think it doesn’t even matter. because no matter what, you just wanted to be here to support sungchan. 

Although you can’t help but feel your heart drop when you see the  look on his face, when he looks up at the scores and then looks around the gym to find you . Wishing that you could just just the numbers yourself. or that there was at least something you could do, but there wasn’t anything left to do but sit there and cheer for him like you promised you’d do.

When halftime comes around you make your way down to him, with a bottle of water in hand.

“you’re here.” He smiles even though he’s still out of breath.

“I told you I would be.” 

“I didn’t see you at first, I was starting to get worried.”

“I can tell.”

“Really, was I bad?” he asks, sitting up straight when he’s gotten his breaths tamed.

“You’re doing good Sungchan, can’t wait to celebrate when you win.”

“I’m glad you’re here.” he says lastly and you respond with “I made you a promise.” before he leans down to place a small kiss on your cheek. 

“Okay, now go win this game.” you pat his back. 

“you better be watching when I do.” He points to you when he runs back over to his team.

“Who's winning?” Your best friend asks in your ear.

“Omg you’re here.” you get up and squeal when you see her. 

“don’t be too happy, I'm only here to save your ass for what’s about to happen.” 

“What's about to happen?” You ask.

“If I tell you, then it won’t happen.” she shrugs 

This is one of those many times that you’d like to throw her in a box and ship her to australia. because now you’re trying to think of every possible scenario of what could go wrong. 

And you wished she’d just tell you, so you could prevent whatever catastrophe is about to take place. 

as you’re still thinking Sohee walks in and takes a seat besides your best friend. His arm instantly wrapped around her when he asks “who’s winning.”

“So far it’s a tie.” you explain distantly.

“oh yeah, eunseoks waiting for you in the hallway.”

“Eunseok?” you ask jumping up. 

“yeah. he’s in the hallway.” he says again.

You run out of the gym and into the hallway where you expect to find Eunseok. Looking around hastily when you see him already smiling at you. 

“What are you doing here?” you question when he pulls you into a hug, planting a small kiss on your lips.

“It seemed really important to you.” He looks down at you, with you still wrapped in his arms 

“Sungchan’s playing, and he’s been working really hard. so I just couldn’t miss this.” You explain.

“You guys must be very close.” he asks but it comes out more as a statement than a question.

“Yeah, you could say that.” You agree.

“Okay, well you finish watching the game… while i go get us some snacks.” he says in between kisses.

“I'll come with you. I need to make sure you get the right ones.”  You speak against his lips.

“I'll get the right ones.” 

“But i need to make sure.” You go back and forth with him.

“sounds like you’re just trying to make excuses.”

“I'm not making excuses, I'm just very picky about my snacks.” you smile up at him before going in for

Time went by so fast you didn’t even realize you were out for so long. Neither of you even made it to get snacks because you stood in the hallway kissing him. not realizing that the game was over until you heard claps and screams coming from inside the gym. 

“Fuck.” You curse under your breath when you realize that you had missed the entire game.

“what?”

“i gotta go.” he starts to ask why but you don’t explain anything as you run back into the gym to see Sungchan and his team cheering. Making it obvious to you, who had won. 

This must’ve been what your best friend was trying to warn you about. this had to be it, because all the guilt you’re feeling right now makes you wanna cry. 

Especially when Sungchan runs over to you with the biggest smile on his face. A smile that you tried to match but failed. Luckily he was too proud of himself to notice how you were feeling. 

“you won.” you say to mask the guilt that’s eating you inside out.“I knew you would.” 

“I did it for you.”

It was sickening to say the least, Sungchan made the winning shot in your name and you weren’t even there to see it. What's even worse is when he grabs your hand to wrap up in a hug and places a tender kiss on your forehead. 

“you gotta come out at some point.” you’ve locked yourself in your room and decided not to talk to anybody at all, because of how bad you felt about what you did to sungchan. And to be honest you weren’t really ready to face either one of them in class. 

“Go away.” You yell from your bed. 

“Girl. don’t get mad at me cause you decided to have your tongue down your man's throat while your other man was winning a basketball game for you.” She snaps back 

“You’re not making me feel any better.” You 

“You shouldn’t even feel bad, you think either of them are locking themselves in their room and crying because they kissed another girl.” she questions through the door.. 

That’s when you get up and walk to your door to say what you have to say to her face. 

“I don’t know how much it meant to him that I was there, and I missed it. I couldn’t even do the one thing he asked me for.” 

“Okay? He probably hasn’t even noticed that you missed the last three days of classes. And besides he’s just been stringing you along. It’s not like he was really ever gonna make any commitment to you.” 

She was wrong, but she’s always wrong. That’s something about her, she has a fantastic talent of being just wrong all the time. This time she was wrong about sungchan not noticing that you missed class. 

Because he stood right in front of your apartment door with your favorite ice cream. Getting ready to knock when he sees Eunseok get off the elevator with a paper bag in hand. They both look at eachother confused but Eunseok is the first to speak, 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I’m here to see my girlfriend.” Sungchan says adjusting the tin of ice cream in his hand.

“Are you aware that your girlfriend has a boyfriend?” Eunseok asks referring to your best friend, 

“Huh?” 

While you’re still explaining to your best friend why you’re so hurt about what you did to Sungchan. There's a knock at the door that causes you to jump slightly. You hold your breath while your best friend walks over to answer the door. 

“Y/n your boyfriends are here.” She yells which warrants them to look at each other and then back at her. 

“Huh?” They say in unison. 

“Fuck.” you curse under your breath.

You walk out to the living room, to see that indeed both Sungchan and eunseok were standing side by side staring back at you with confused expressions written on their faces. 

If you could pull out a sword and swallow it right there, you would. Right in front of them, maybe then that would solve every life problem you’ve ever had, including this one.  

“What.. umm. What are you doing here?” You’re not even sure which of them you’re directing it to. 

“I thought you were sick so I bought ice cream.” “I brought your favorite ice cream.” they both say at the same time. 

“You brought ice cream cause you thought she was sick?” Your best friend asks but she gets ignored when Sungchan looks down to the jar of ice cream that Eunseok’s holding. “That’s not her favorite.”

“She loves this one.” Eunseok looks at him.

“She likes cookies and cream.” Sungchan speaks holding up the ice cream that he's holding in his own hands.

“She hates cookies and cream,” Your best friend answers before you even get a chance to say anything.

“I thought you liked cookies and cream.” Sungchan finally looks at you. 

“I do like it.” You lie.

“Now girl, why are you lying?” You best friend speaks up for you.

“Shut the fuck up.” You turn to say to her with gritted teeth, 

“Oh my bad, she loves cookies and cream because she can’t ever just choose one flavor.” 

“Do you ever stop talking?” you ask passive aggressively. 

To that she just throws her hands up in the air and mutters a very insincere “sorry.” while walking to her room.

“So do you like cookies and cream? Cause I can go get a different one if you don’t like this one.” 

“I love cookies and cream.” You lie through a tight smile as you look at Eunseok who could very easily tell you were lying. And you knew it, especially with the way he cocks one of his eyebrows up. 

“Thank you guys for-” You start but get cut off by Eunseok. “Who’s Sungchan’s girlfriend?” He asks, leaving you confused. 

“Sungchan’s girlfriend?” You repeat, looking at Sungchan, your heart completely beating outside of your chest. 

“You’re my girlfriend.” He responds to you.

“Huh? Your girlfriend?” you ask now even more confused. 

“I thought we made things official that day at the beach.” 

“You didn’t say anything, you just kissed me” By the time you think to stop yourself, it’s too late. You’re too scared to look at Eunseoks reaction but you do anyways. “Do you like him?” he asks calmly and it makes you nervous. 

“I..” You're not even sure how to answer the question with them both standing in front of you.

“I understand.” He places the jar of ice cream in your hands and walks out of the door. “No, I-” Instinctively you go to chase after him. But sungchan’s voice alone stops you right in your tracks. “What are you doing?” 

What are you doing? Things were never supposed to get this serious with Eunseok. So why do you feel so disappointed seeing that Sungchan is still here instead of him. And would things be better if it were the other way around. 

“Sorry- I think you should go.” You finally look up at him. 

“What?” 

“You should just go.” You say once again, trying to blink back the tears that are threatening to fall. Watching him silently leave, taking the ice cream with him. 

It’s been six days since you’ve talked to either Sungchan or Eunseok. You’d say it was better this was, but that’d be a lie. It was better when your heart didn’t drop every time you ran into Eunseok in the hallway, or at least when he would just respond to your text, 

It was better  when you didn’t feel a wave of disappointment whenever you opened your notifications only to see that it was just Sungchan begging you to talk to him. It was better when you didn’t go through your day feeling like there was something missing. 

The rain tapping against your window eases your mind as you reread through all of Sungchans messages. Your bottom lip tucked in between your teeth and your books laid out across the floor, from when you attempted to catch up on your homework but failed when google decided to notify you about your old photos with Sungchan. 

Sungchan: Hi

Sungchan: Can we please talk?

Sungchan: Fine, I'll just talk. 

Sungchan: I know I haven’t been really straightforward with you about how I felt. So I hope that I can fix that now, I like you. I like you alot and I miss you and I just want you to talk to me please. I don’t know what I did wrong but if you just tell me I'll fix it, I promise I will. 

The more you read the last message the heavier your heart gets. Once again you feel like you're about to cry, but you can’t because you’ve already cried all you can cry. You know you need to put your phone down and do something else to take your mind off of this but no matter how many times you tell yourself that you just can’t put it down. 

It doesn’t help that it’s completely silent, there’s nothing here at all to distract you from your own thoughts. and when you think about opening your social media accounts nothing seems entertaining enough to keep you from clicking off of them and back on to sungchans messages.

However, the knock at the door is more than enough to make you forget everything. you get up to answer it assuming it’s just one of your neighbors or something, but when you open it to see sungchan right across from you, you almost close the door in his face. or at least you imagine it. 

“Why are you here?” you mutter. 

“I really need to talk to you.” He walks right in and closes the door. 

“We-” 

“Just listen, I like you, I like being around you, I like talking to you. I like the way you support me, the way you make me feel. I know I’ll never find someone even close to you and I know It shouldn’t have taken me this long to tell you, but I was afraid of how you’d react. And even if you don’t like me the way I like you, I hope that we can at least just stay friends.” 

You can’t think of anything to say even though you know he’s waiting for you to say something. Your brain is full of over a million thoughts, that you fear that if you do say something it’s gonna come out mumbled and confusing. 

You did like him, you really did. But after a while it felt like you were just convincing yourself that you did. And this should’ve been enough to make it clear who your heart really belonged to but you’re still clinging on to the little bit of feelings that you have left for Sungchan. So you tell him “I like you too, but I think we should just stay friends for now. That’s worked out really good for us so far.” 

To which he laughs and pulls you into a hug. “It definitely has.” This makes you feel somewhat better. It hushes half the thoughts that you had before. Plus the hug is warm and comforting and exactly what you didn’t know that you needed. 

“Are you crying?” He asks looking down at you

“No.” You lie muffled into his chest. 

Now that things with Sungchan were going much better you were still trying to work out things with Eunseok.  And “work things out” just meant that you ranted to your best friend every day after class about how much you miss your rock. 

“The frog and I are okay, but the rock won’t talk to me, he’s ignoring all my messages and he won’t even look at me in class.” 

“Maybe because he’s a rock.” Sohee blatantly speaks but you ignore him and keep talking as if he isn’t even there. 

“I just miss him so much, I miss playing in his hair and listening to him play his guitar while I’m trying to study.” 

“Okay so correct me if I’m wrong but I’m starting to think that your rock is a code name.” Sohee interrupts again.

“Oh baby you’re thinking too much, you just need to relax. Here let me…” Your best friend places her hand on his shoulder to pull him back and stop him from saying anything else but it still doesn't work because he just lays his hand over hers and continues to make his point. 

“No wait, I have never seen a rock that plays the guitar and the rock sounds alot like…. Oh my god.” He yells the last part upon coming across his realization. 

“Is the Rock Eunseok?” He asks, jumping up off the couch. You’re too stunned to speak or even think. Your body is too stiff to move, you don’t even know how to get yourself out of this situation. “I’m right aren’t I?” 

“Yes, Eunseok is the rock.” You say shamefully 

“And the frog must be that Sungchan guy.” He adds

“You know Sungchan?’ You look back at him confused. 

“Yeah, the basketball player that you cheated on Eunseok with.” 

“Now wait, I didn’t cheat.” You hold your hands out as you're ready to defend yourself.

“You might as well have, Eunseoks liked you for so long that I thought the both of you were already married.” 

“But we’ve only known each other for like 3 months.” You speak, confused.

“No, he’s liked you for like ever. He used to bother us all the time about you during rehearsals.  He talked about you so much that Seunghan threatened to ask you out just so he would make a move.” 

“What?” Now you're at a complete loss of words.

“Bro yeah, we were all shocked that he finally talked to you when we saw you at the show. You should’ve been there, well you were but you know what I mean.”

Wonbin noticed you first, because you were the only person in the crowd who had a frown so prominent that he was worried your face was gonna be stuck like that. That’s when he taps Sohee’s arm so that he could see it too but Sohee was too worried about your best friend to really care about how mad you looked. So when he couldn’t get his attention he just turned to Suenghan and called it to his attention instead.

“Wait, I think that’s Y/n.” Suenghan says 

“Are you sure? She’s usually happier.” But when wonbin turns around Suenghans already gone to find Eunseok. 

“Y/n’s here.” Seunghan says pointing to you while looking at Eunseok. To which Eunseok just shrugged off without even looking in your direction because they’ve been playing with him like that all night. So he just assumed it was another one of their mean jokes. However when Seunghan just laughs and leaves he looks up just to check out of pure curiosity and it was actually you. 

He’d already told his band members that the next time he saw you he was just gonna talk to you. And he had intentions on going through with his promise even though you looked extremely unentertained.  

Sohee finished explaining the story about the night you and Eunseok met.

“And then he started talking about you even more once you guys finally did start seeing each other.” 

“This entire time?” You ask again. “And more.” Sohee adds which makes your best friend chuckle. “Girl, go get your man.” 

“He won’t even talk to me.” 

“He’s not the one that needs to do the talking.” For the first time in a really long time, your best friend was actually right. So you did as she told you to and reached for your phone. 

“I said go get your man not go text him.” 

“What if he closes the door in my face?” You ask in a whine. 

“Then it would have been very deserved.” She replies. 

“But-” You begin to make an excuse but get cut off immediately.

“Go!” They both shout at the same time. 

You’re now in the parking lot of his apartment, still hesitant on whether or not you’re ready to face him yet. You know that if you leave the car you’ll be forced to deal with reality so you decide to just stay there for a few more minutes and at least plan out what you wanna say. However all that’s going through your mind is static and everything that Sohee told you. 

You’re so confused you begin to talk to yourself. “This whole time?” you say aloud.

No matter how many times you try to talk yourself into leaving your car you just can’t. You even make it as far as to open your car door.

“So how’d it go?” your best friend asks the second you walk back into the door. 

“It didn’t.” 

“What do you mean it didn’t?” She pipes up.

“I got too scared to even knock on his door.” You speak.

She gets up from the couch and walks to the front door and closes it behind her leaving both you and Sohee completely confused. Then you hear a knock at the door so you answer it because you know exactly who it is. “That’s all you had to do.” She says when you open the door. 

That’s when you close the door in her face, and lock it right after. Although you knew she was right. If you wanted to work things out with Eunseok you definitely couldn’t allow your ego to get in the way. 

Sitting in your bed, reading over the unsent message over and over again until you finally have the guts to push send. However the more you read it the more you decide against even bothering him. 

You let out a long, deep sigh, click your phone off and lay it on the bed beside you while thinking about something to help distract you. However everything you thought of led back to Eunseok. Even when you throw your head back on your pillow and close your eyes all you can think about is him. 

“What do I do?” you speak aloud to yourself. 

“Oh you need a break. Bad.” Your best friend trespasses into your room. 

“What do you have in mind?” you say simply turning your head over in her direction

“I’m thinking we're going to see this new band.” She sits beside you on the bed, while proposing her new idea. 

“I don’t think I’m ready to see Eunseok in person yet.” 

“He’s not even gonna be there, I’ll have Sohee make sure of it.” 

“This better not be one of your little tricks.”

“What? One of my little tricks?” she teases looking off to the side 

“I’m not going.” You state firmly.

“No, he’s not gonna be there. I swear.” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“Suit yourself.” When she doesn’t beg like you expected her to, you start to get concerned. “You don’t want me to take you?” 

She shakes her head. “No Sohee’s on his way.” She continues. “I just wanted to help you take your head off of things.” 

“This is the first time you’ve ever actually done something good for me.” You speak gratefully.

“Mm mm girl this is for me, you sitting around here sad really messes up the mood. And the smell, girl, take a shower.” She covers her nose.

“Wow, thanks.” You sit back against your headboard to begin contemplating again why you were even friends with her. 

“I’m kidding y/n, you know I love you. And I really hate seeing you like this, It breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry I’m trying to shake this feeling.” 

“Just come out with us tonight, please. If you’re not feeling it you can leave no questions asked.” She moves closer to you and cuffs your hands into hers. The look she gives you makes it hard to say no. Not that you’d say no anyways, you really could use a distraction. 

“Fine.” 

“You’ll come?” 

“Yes, I’ll come. But I'm driving myself. I don’t need to see you and sohee making out the whole ride.” 

Just as promised you showed up to the event and yet again your best friend was nowhere to be found. You didn’t even bother to look for her, you just stood with your arms crossed staring at the crowd in front of you and thinking about how long it had been since you were in a place like this. 

The music still needed some getting used to but you weren’t as uptight about it as you once were. You also notice that there is something different, you can't quite pin your finger on it but you definitely notice it. Maybe it’s just the vibe that’s off, you usually came to these things for Eusneok so now that he wasn’t here it felt kinda weird. 

Or it could have been that they painted the walls a different color. But it’s most likely the fact that the boy that you’re looking for can’t be found. Even though you told yourself and your best friend that you don’t wanna see him yet, you can’t help but look around occasionally to see if you find a familiar face. 

But you never do, no matter how many times you look or in what direction. He’s not there. 

“Looking for someone?” a voice says behind you and your heart drops immediately, You turn around with wide eyes but quickly release your breath when you see that it’s not the person you thought it was. 

“Just my best friend.” You answer him although you're not really in the mood to speak to speak to anyone at the moment.

“Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to.” The unnamed man continues

“Oh no you’re fine.” 

You are still talking to the man but someone behind him catches your eye and distracts you from the conversation. You watch them for a little and the longer you watch the more you’re sure that it’s definitely the guitar player that you’ve been looking for all night. 

Not another second goes by before you’re cutting the man off to push past the crowd and make your way to Eunseok. He doesn’t say anything when he sees you so you decide to speak first.

“Can we talk?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He says bluntly.

“I have a lot to say.” You state but you don’t get the chance to get anything else out because he walks away from you and you’re forced to run after him just so you can at least explain yourself. 

“Eunseok.” You shout, and that’s when he finally stops

“I like you Y/n, and I can’t talk to you when I know about you and him. I don’t wanna be just friends.”

“And I like you too, when I’m with him I’m thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you. I just can never stop thinking about you.”

“Were you thinking about me when you kissed him?” He asks 

“I was.” You answer honestly 

“and you still did it.” 

“It was wrong to try and go between the both of you, I know. but I honestly thought you did this with everyone. how was i supposed to know how you felt?” you say in a raspy voice trying to stop yourself from crying. 

“how did you feel?” He questions 

“I felt confused. I never expected to like you as much as I do, and I never thought you’d like me back in the same way.”

you stop and watch him before you say something else

“Please forgive me, eunseok I’m sorry I really am. I don’t know how many times I can say that.”

you continue to watch him even as he walks closer to you and wraps his arms around you for you to rest your head on his chest. “I missed you.” cutting you off from apologizing anymore.

“I missed you too.” 

“And also do you really like cookies and cream Ice cream?” he asks suddenly 

“No, I hate it.” you laugh still burying your head into his chest.