#and nobody except myself and two others even know it exists

[atomic-waste-of-time]

ok, maybe I get excited over being turned into a robot, or a pet. Maybe I get super excited thinking about staring into a partners eyes as they help me take my dehumanifier shots, while petting me softly, and telling me I'm doing a good job.

Maybe I just wanna be treated as an object, because objects are treated better than me by everyone I know. Maybe I hate being human because I never got treated as a human, but my entire childhood was rather spent crying and watching nature documentaries while repressing trauma I had in kindergarten when I was 7 years old.

Maybe I was only able to realize what I actually was when I was 14, by remembering the repressed memory of looking in a mirror and saying "I want to be a girl" before getting laughed at by everyone, including the teacher, and as a result my entire school life was spent in a state of panic and survival, being hurt for the amusement of others, never being heard, and often getting into detention for defending myself when I absolutely had to.

Maybe I was yelled at as a child for having a hard time remembering things, or understanding "basic" things, like 3rd grade math, or essays. Maybe I realized too late that I was actually transgender, that there were more people like me, that I wasn't a monster, just misunderstood.

Maybe I'm so sick and tired of fighting for myself, in a world that's hellbent on torturing my very existence. Maybe I dream of being something that isn't human because they don't have to suffer under laws, or currency, or conflicting emotions. Maybe I was treated as a monster my entire life, and adulthood is just adding a crashing burning flame to the comedic tragedy that has been my life.

Maybe I want to be a monster. Maybe I was labelled as a monster so much I learned to adapt to the role, scaring people away, being alone, even though I've always hated it. Maybe I never wanted to be human. Maybe I was born as a monster, labelled a freak by doctors, and told I wasn't special at all, just another cog in a machine everyone seems to hate, but nobody wants to do anything about except for me.

Maybe I want to be treated as an object, as an animal, as something that isn't human, because at least that way I'll feel loved. I'll be accepted. I can be happy, if I give away the thing I hate the most.

Maybe all these are true, maybe one or two, maybe none at all, and maybe you, the Reader, feel the same way.

Maybe we were mistreated and horribly abused, verbally and mentally. Maybe we both feel guilty for our trauma because it isn't as bad as someone else's trauma. Maybe we both hate the world, maybe we both want to change it.

Maybe we grew up in a manipulative home, maybe you grew up without a home, maybe you didn't even think about any of this until now, or maybe it's been a question bugging us our entire lives.

Maybe my family says they care for me, but they treat me like a slave and a freak. Maybe you understand how that feels too.

Maybe we both suffer, maybe we both hurt. Maybe we come here to get away, only to see more people in peril and pain. Maybe we just want to be happy.

Maybe you put everyone else before yourself because you were mentally abused and trained to do so. Maybe you wanted everyone else to be happy because you thought it was impossible for you to be happy. Maybe situations worsened when you showed up, like the universe itself hated your existence. Maybe you feel the same way I do.

Maybe I'm just venting over a silly post about dehumanization, maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm spiraling in on myself again.

Maybe I'm trying not to cry. Maybe I'm shaking and sobbing, my fingers move instinctively across the keyboard to communicate while I sob. Maybe my head aches from life crashing down around me.

Maybe I'm losing my home, my life, everything I worked so hard for. Maybe I'll never get to Britain to see my girlfriend. Maybe I'll never be good enough and I'll have to suffer forever, like I have been my entire life, tortured by happy memories that are far outweighed by the negative emotions and swirling hatred for myself, my mind and body in a constant war while I'm just a civilian casualty.

Maybe I can't cope with the fact all I'm doing is venting about my problems in the form of a long text post on tumblr. Maybe I just want to die, but I know I can't yet, when the world still needs someone like me. Maybe I have a greater purpose, maybe I matter. Maybe I don't, and the voices that scream in my day to day life are all right. Maybe I should just end my story before it gets any worse. Maybe my story will get better. Maybe I'll be ok. Maybe we'll all be ok.

Maybe I'll be loved as an object, or a pet. Maybe I'll feel cherished and appreciated. Maybe I'll be able to cry when my girlfriend holds me close. Maybe I'll be able to open a cafe just for us, where we sell tea and play music, and live out our dream. Together.

Maybe I'll be happy. Maybe I'll be better off.

Maybe I'm being too sincere. Maybe not sincere enough.

Maybe you have a lot to think about. Maybe you should reflect on yourself as a person. Maybe we all should.

Maybe I'm being too sincere.

But that's what you wanted, right?

dehumidifier? no. you misheard. i said deHUMANifier

[speedbooster]

Lately, I've been kinda inspired to write more about the AU I was working on a few years ago, Sonic Fastlane.

Originally it was an RP group thing, then briefly was going to become a series of fan games, but both of those never went anywhere past the concept itself.

(I do still kinda want to make a fan game based on it though, just in 3D with a more SA1 style than the mix of 2D Classic with Adventure mechanics, since 2D remakes have kinda been done to death, but that's getting off topic)

The basic gist was that it would be taking a ton of inspiration from the mini series - Spider-Man Life Story (minus the aging in real time thing), where it would retell the history of the franchise in a way that would be more consistent and planned out, since we'd have a rough idea of what would be happening later we could set it up in advance.

But also, I wanted to try an incorporate stuff from every iteration of Sonic. Archie, Boom, Fleetway, the movies, Sonic X (but only Season 3 though because I don't like Chris), the IDW comics, everything I could get my hands on. Though in it's current state, it only really takes a tiny bit from Archie and the movies, as I still haven't read most of Archie, have never read Fleetway, and most of my ideas for everything else would be post Sonic Adventure, which I never got to develop much of.

The last thing I'll say is that this project started in early 2020, meaning that Frontiers was still years away, the first movie had just come out, and huge chunks of the lore had yet to be retconned into like... actually making sense again.

Let's start with the premise.

In this world, there are two different types of Mobians. The regular animal folk, and the mutants, which come about if the child was either developed, born, or just grew up around a source of Chaos Energy. Usually meaning Chaos Emeralds.

As such, they're rather rare, but like the mutants in X-Men, are generally feared by the world at large, thanks in part to a clan of Echidnas (who are all very powerful mutants thanks to being around the Master Emerald for pretty much their entire lives) and the brief but incredibly traumatic rage of Perfect Chaos, who is also kind of a mutant even in canon.

Mutants are also pretty easy to track. Normal Mobians fur are only the colors that their species normally would be, and have black eyes, where as mutants come in all kinds of vibrant colors and have the colored eyes associated with the more modern designs.

Which is why all images of classic Sonic on this blog have the green eyes. Yeah, it looks a little cursed, but there's a lore reason behind it.

Anyways, when Sonic was born, it was immediately apparent he was a mutant, and his parents were forced to hide him from the world to avoid him being persecuted. Eventually though, word got out and they didn't think it was safe for him to stay there anymore. So they sent him off to Jungle Zone to be raised by Longclaw somewhere he wouldn't have to worry about being spotted.

However, during the 15 years in between then and Sonic 1, a movement had been growing to have mutants be more accepted. And the way they showed they were apart of that movement was by dying their fur to be more colorful.

Society as a whole was very divided on the issue. Some agreed with them, some vehemently fought against the idea, same as you'd see with anything like this.

And the reason I bring all of this up is because there's a key character who's a part of this movement. A young little hedgehog named Amy Rose.

Amy is NOT a mutant. But she has a kind and caring heart, and she doesn't like the idea of others being hated just for being born different. So she dyes her fur/quills a bright pink.

Her parents however, despite raising her to be compassionate, and also kinda old fashioned. And after seeing her with dyed quills after they told her over and over again not to get involved with it, her Dad straight up kicks her out of the house, forcing her to leave in tears.

If you read my carrd, you can kinda figure out the rest. Sonic gets bored of the forest, asks Longclaw to let him run loose for a bit on his birthday, and uses the opportunity to run away from home, promising himself he'd go back and apologize after he'd seen more of the island.

After running through Green Hill and being completely unsure if there were supposed to be so many robot lady bugs around, he runs into Amy not far from her hometown, getting bullied by a few of the other kids for dying her fur. Sonic quickly scares them off, having no idea of what exactly the issue was. (Longclaw taught him a lot, but he never really picked up on the "Everyone hates mutants" thing... Largely because he struggled to pay attention for most it)

The two quickly become friends, with Amy trying to teach him more about the world, and Sonic just kinda being in awe of everything since... He's never left the Jungle before that he can remember.

So they both decide to explore the island together, having no idea the dangers about to hit the island.

However, that's not the only new character that'll be joining them on this first adventure. There's one other that I think you'll find pretty interesting (and no, it's not Tails). But I'll get more into them and Eggman's whole deal the next time I talk about this whole thing.

Thanks for reading! And please give me some feedback in the comments if you have any. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!

[thefandomdirtymind]

Hello! I saw your post you're open for a request and I was wondering if I could I have OPLA Sanji?

About Sanji fall in love towards reader but reader was hesitate and unsure if Sanji is being sincere it's like she's having trust issues since Sanji is considered a ladies' man or flirty and was afraid he'll broke her heart?

A/N IMPORTANT:  Hey, thank you for your request Anon ! I had to confess that it was kind of a hard one for me because well...trust issu hit close from home and I just start to write that angst even if it was not my specialty, but I really like the result and I hope you will too !

Trust Issues

OPLA - Vinsmoke Sanji

Sanji / OPLA Masterlist and Coming Soon

* English is not my first language, I tried really hard to correct myself but, I hope you will excuse me if some mistakes are still there.

—

Love wasn’t your cup of tea. Sure, the idea of a partner supporting and adoring you like you deserve was cute. But, in your opinion, you have already done enough. After all, your last relationship has resulted as becoming a pirate and being abandoned by your lover to save his ass. And, If the humiliation hadn’t been enough, not long after your escape for the marines, you had seen him parading with his new lady wrapped around his arm. Like if you hadn’t existed at all.

So, nobody could blame you if you had some trust issues and an aversion for ladie’s man.

It’s why you knew the minute you saw his smile what Vinsmoke Sanji was : A pretty flirt. 

If it was only you, you had refused his presence on the ship, but, like Luffy had said, the Going Merry needed a cook and the man was a hell of a fighter. As the morning came, you couldn’t also deny the fact that he looked incredibly good in his suit, his bag on his shoulder, ready to come aboard. Smiling at the instant he spotted you. 

“ Hello Madam, I'm glad we met again. Can I say that you seem even more beautiful in this sunlight” He offered, from the dock, as you were sitting on the main deck rail adjusting a rope. 

“ You may, but it doesn't mean I will accept the compliment. Luffy is on the upper deck if you search him” You coldly replied, trying to shut down your traitor heart. You will not fall for another pretty face, never. 

“ I didn’t expect much Madam, thank you for the information “ Sanji replied, his mood in nothing affected by your coldness. Sure, he had hoped for a warmer welcome, but after serving you the night before and found himself unable to turn his gaze away from your beauty. He was satisfied with just being part of the same crew as you, the rest would come later he had assumed. 

It took, in fact, way longer than he first thought. For the entire few weeks he had been on board, you hadn’t looked or talked to him except to thank him for the food or urgent matters. 

Many times, the crew had tried to talk to you, asking you to be more nice with Sanji. But, even if you could feel his charm often softened your shield, your stubbornness was even stronger. 

It wasn’t easy for Sanji either. He knew you clearly disliked him without knowing why. When, on his part, the more he was admiring you, watching you laugh with the others, hearing your brilliant plan, watching you gracefully climb the cordage and being as stubborn as him. Make him love you even more. Everyday, he was trying to charm you, offering you compliments, taking an interest in what you were doing or simply making you the best food he could. But, nothing worked, you answered him quickly and as coldly as always.  

It'll take another two months and a storm before Sanji has enough. 

The rain was falling for hours,helped by a wind so strong that you had to close one of the sails to avoid drifting away. Each two hours or so, the members of the crew were making a rotation, trying as much as possible to not fatigue themself too much and end up falling into the water. 

You were the only one still standing, drenched by the cold rain, your muscles sore by the force necessary to keep the helm stable. Multiple times Nami and Usopp had tried to push you to take a rest or at least eat something warm, but each time you refused resolutely, you would pass that storm and rest after. 

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Sanji was finishing his soup, preparing three bowls for the crew member who will come downstairs to take their rest. As he prepared himself for going upstairs, doing his part, the blond chef saw Nami and Usopp going down the stairs, alone. You aren’t with them, again. 

“ Where Y/N ” He asked, already knowing the answer.

“ She refuses to budge of the helm. we tried to talk to her but it’s like talking to a rock” Nami replied, wrapping herself in a big towel.

“ I’ll come back, I will bring her here “ Sanji only replied, his happy mood now sour. It wasn’t rare in the time who’s he was running the restaurant with Zeff that he lost his temper. He had lost it already a time or two during battle, but against another member of the crew,it was a first. 

Making his way to the helm, he looked at you, already knowing it will not be easy. But, to be sure you’re in security, he was ready to fight you if he had to. 

“ Y/N, your time has long passed, I will replace you. I prepared a dry towel and warm soup in the kitchen. Go take some rest “ He first tried. 

“ I’m not tired or hungry “ You simply replied with your gaze focused on the horizon. 

“ Then I’m afraid I have to excuse myself Darling “ Profiting from an adjustment of your position, he then proceeds to lift you on his shoulder, easily dodging all your attacks, as he was getting you down in the ship to dry both of you. 

“ How dare you ! “ You scream, shaking of rage and cold. As he sits you on one of the kitchen stools and throws a dry towel at you. “ I was perfectly fine !”

“ You were on a trip to catch death ! “Sanji replied sharply, his gaze dark and his wet form in a stiff posture with anger “ I don’t know what I exactly did to make you dislike me like that, but I can care for you if you do some stupid things like that ! “

“ Then just don’t care about me and go flirt somewhere else !!” You angrily answered.

Taken aback, Sanji tilted his head, frowning his eyebrow, clearly confused. 

“ Wait…what…You dislike me…because I flirted with you ?“ He slowly asked, trying to understand your point. 

“ I just don’t understand why you haven't given up yet ! I had already done with the damn flirty kind, go charm your other ladies and leave me alone ! “ 

" My other…” Sanji starts disbelief. “ I don’t give up because I care for you…stubborn woman! " Sanji tried to say. Never had he thought that it was his manner that you hated so much. " But if my affection isn't required, fine, eat and rest, that's all I ask " He sighs ,disappearing upstairs. 

A long and heavy silence fell in the kitchen after he left, leaving you with a curiously heavy heart and some concerned  gaze of Nami and Usopp eating their soup. After a while, you sigh, defeated and take yourself a bowl. As always, the dish was perfectly balanced and delicious.

" You know y/n...I know your story, I understand, I do.  But…Sanji didn't flirt with any woman aside from you for months…I think he genuinely likes you, " Nami softly spoke. "Of course I'm not you and you have all the right to act like you do, but it’s not Sanji's fault. He’s not him… and I think the day he will stop caring for you, you will realize it’s will be maybe too late”.

“ Maybe “ You admit, finishing your food before leave it into the sink and heading to the door” I will sleep a little, wake me up when it will be our turn again please “ 

But she never woke you up and when you opened your eyes, the sun was shining again on another day. 

Sanji wasn’t the kind of man who'd give up easily, neither on his dream nor on the people he loved. But, even with his flirty tendency, respecting women and their wishes was a priority. It’s why, even if it cost him and that your word had wounded him, on that sunny day, he started to restrict at the minimum his attention to you. 

And you noticed it immediately. His gaze on you, usually full of affection, was now more distant, he didn’t ask you if you had slept well, nor if you would like something in particular for breakfast, he simply put an omelet in front of you, smiled politely and returned to his occupation. Yes, for Sanji it was odd, but, as a ladie’s man you give him a week before going back to his old habit. 

Luckily for you, life decided to give both of you a hand.

Your estimation could never be more wrong. After two weeks of polite but cold Sanji, you were almost wishing you never had that fight. Your traitor heart was missed his radiant smile toward you, his compliments for every little detail of your person or the way he  tried to know every one of your favorite things. But you had broken it and you were now unsure how to repair it. Excuse could probably do the charm, but your stubbornness was always blocking you, estimating that protecting your heart wasn't shameful. 

The Going Merry was anchored alongside an island, doing his needed resupply. As the last barrel had been brought on board, you followed the idea of Zoro and decided to join your companions for a drink at the little bar on the beach.

But, as you put your foot in the small place, you froze, your mind resuming to a static white noise. Your ex, already another lady at his arm, was installed with his crew at the largest table of the little tavern.  

“ Hey Y/N come here, that table is free ! “ Luffy exclaimed, not noticing your stiffness.

“ Y/N is that you ! Damn girl, I haven't seen you since you were surrounded by Marines ! I own you for this one, how did you escape ?! “ The despicable man shouted, clearly more happy to see you, than you were to see him. “ Darla, that girl was... my most loyal crew member. “He explained to the girl at his side “Look at you, have you always been that pretty ? “ 

The compliment was the last straw that snapped you out of your shock. How could he talk to you so casually after all you had endured because of him. Doesn’t he have an ounce of regret or shame ?!

“ I escaped on my own after you had cowardly abandoned me ! “ You replied, as Sanji placed himself behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder in support.

“ Y/N, that man clearly doesn’t deserve your time, come, the drink will arrive soon” He tried, giving a hard look at the pathetique Captain who was now coming a you, his hand scratching his hair, gauging if Sanji was a menace for his future plan with you or not. 

“ Not deserving of his time, I had already two years of her time mate, go sip your beer and let us discuss. Y/N and I have many things to talk about. I haven’t abandoned her, I knew she could escape, she’s a smart cat. Aren't you Sweet pea” 

“ I have nothing to say to you, thank you Sanji but I’m not in the mood. Being in the same room as him would suck all the joy I have. I will be on the ship. “ You simply replied, making your exit before tears ran down your cheeks. 

Sat on the upper deck, watching the night sky, the fresh wind drying your last tears, you saw Sanji came back onboard. Without a word, he simply sat beside you and offered you the bottle he was keeping in his hand.

“ Zoro sent his regards and I’m here to tell you that I’m sorry. I had tried to respect your wish, but I couldn’t stop myself tonight. I can’t not care for you and that man was...he shouldn’t ever treat a lady as you like that. Maybe now he had learn “

“ Sanji, what did you do? “ You asked, strangely touched that he had actually take your defense even after you had left. 

“ I kicked his pathetic and disgraceful ass. I couldn’t tolerate the way he was looking at you, talking to you...But I understand now how my behavior led you to dislike me when I arrived, But I assure you that…” 

“ I know, “ You said your heart, still fragile, beating faster.” You aren’t him and I should have waited to know you. I was scared, I didn’t want to like you because I was afraid to repeat the same story. But even if I tried, I realize when you had stop to caring for me that I miss it, I missed you…a lot“ 

Suddenly unusually shy, his cheeks a slightly shade of faded pink in the dark, Sanji avoided your gaze, a joyful smile spreading on his lips.

“ I suggest that we start over. We can't forget all those months but we can restart our relationship.I can’t wait to truly know you Y/N” He tell, finally planting in gaze in yours, that lost spackles in his eyes, the one you though forever vanish, back even brighter that ever. 

“ I can’t wait too, Sanji “ You softly smile. 

___

Your first kiss with Sanji happened a little shorter than a month later. At exactly the same spot. 

Since that night, you have made a habit of watching the sky together, sharing stories, passions and thoughts. Even if the blond cook, not without surprise, seems to find the constellation less appealing than your sweet view at his side. But, you slowly adapted yourself to his flirting and even often replied, to his joy. 

It was in one of those moments, as you turned your head to point to him a group of stars that Sanji captured your lips, answering your heart's deepest desire from months and even probably since the tall man had put a foot on the deck. 

Somewhere on the lower level of the ship, you hear the playful screams and wolf whistles of your friends. But, as he captured your lips for another kiss you couldn't care less. You had an amazing group of friends, the sea was peaceful and with the help of Sanji, your heart finally started to heal.  

[fuck-customers]

Not exactly a fuck customers but more like ‘what the fuck, why are people like this’.

I work at a small library in my little town. Small as in, there are only five people who work here total. So you can probably guess, our building is much smaller than most libraries. We do have an auditorium though, one that takes up like 30% of the building. It can be rented and is used for library programs, but when it’s not being used, the lights are turned off and the two entrances have signs that say that ‘for library use only’ or some such thing, meaning, if there’s nobody in there and the doors are closed, lights are off, it’s off limits to patrons. Makes sense, right?

So the other day, I go in for my afternoon shift as usual. It’s after the holiday so there are a lot of returns. My supervisor goes to grab an extra cart so we can divide up the returns, otherwise I’d never get it done all by myself by we closed. She has to go into the auditorium to get the extra cart, which is locked from the side with the actual library but the other door, which is right by our side exist, must have been open. Anyway, she goes in and while I’m digging through books waiting for her, I hear some sort of conversation/noise but don’t think much of it. About this time I notice a patron come and set up with his laptop at one of work tables and put on his headphones. Our other coworker is on his dinner break and again, I don’t think much of any of this.

Anyway, it gets to be around an hour/half an hour ish before we start closing duties and it’s been slow except for a few people coming and going. During this time we sometimes bullshit while we wait for the clock to run down.

My supervisor notes that the man that was sitting at the work table has finally left and then glances at the security monitor, noting the car that was parked next to mine in the employee parking area of our back lot is now gone.

Come to find out, not only was said guy here right at opening, parked halfway into the employee parking area when that’s a total of like three spots (he’s also not someone she recognized when she’s been there 5+ years), apparently this guy was just chilling in the dark fucking auditorium all day? On his laptop, working away? When we’d been open since 10:30 am and he left at like 7pm? Thats what all the noise I had heard earlier was about. She opened the door to the auditorium to get the extra cart we needed, and just causally found this fucker sitting there, doing his thing? She literally had to say to tell him he was welcome to work online just not in here cause that’s not an area open to the public? I think he apologized but still??? He wouldn’t have even been able to access the wifi without the password. But he was just sitting in there the whole goddamn day. Without anyone knowing. And then it gets dark and he doesn’t even have any of the lights on. There’s signs on both doors about this at eye level? Hun, we couldn’t locked you in and never even known it. The side door is locked 15 mins before close and the other doors can’t be opened from the inside.

I love this job, but some of these people I wanna put under a microscope and study for science.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[artist-issues]

Hello, brother/sister (sorry I found out you existed today lol) in Christ! I just started my own blog yesterday, and I wanted to ask you two questions!

how did you come to Christ? (I am a sucker for testimonies, lol)

how can I preach the gospel on Tumblr with gentleness and grace and love for others? (and how do I not get involved in a keyboard smashing session, haha)

thanks for your time, God bless and have a great day! :)

I came to Christ when I was 15. I’m a Pastor’s kid. So the truth in the Bible was about as impactful to me as reciting my ABCs. But when I turned 9 I started to tune in to the parts about Hell and eternal damnation and freak out about it. So I believed God was real, and Hell and heaven were, too, even though I was living for myself. I started asking questions and praying for my salvation around that time, but it was only to “get out of going to Hell.” I had zero interest in the things of God, or submitting to Him. My top priorities were getting everyone to think well of me, especially my family. So I was super good at saying all the right things and doing all the right things, then behind closed doors I did whatever sinful stuff I felt like doing without a shred of thought for God.

Whenever I panicked about verses like “depart from Me, I never knew you,” I’d pray and ask the adults around me how to tell if I was “really saved,” (again, making zero connection between “saved” and anything except “get out of Hell,” in my heart) and they’d try to explain. But I always just latched on to phrases like “it’s not some sparkly feeling,” and quit panicking and went back to living for myself. But that really is what I was missing—a feeling. Specifically, passion about God, and what He loves, and what He wants, and who He is. That, and submission & repentance 😅

So that pattern went on till I was fifteen and old enough to go to this summer camp. And I was finally away from my usual circles, where I only thought about God in the context of “what does everyone here need to see me doing to think well of me?”

At this camp, the counselors and the teachers cut through all that in like 24 hours. They were like, “yeah, you don't have to give me the correct answer; I know what the teacher just said, but what about you? What do you do, in your life, on your own? What is it like when it’s just you and God?” And between that, and the crazy “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me except God” culture of the whole staff and everyone at that summer camp, God started getting ahold of me.

He started making me think about how everyone else wasn’t just “living for God” as part of their social bubble. They actually felt something genuine about Him. And I didn’t feel that. I didn’t feel anything, and I couldn’t *think* or *reason* or *force* myself to feel what they all seemed to be feeling.   They did this skit, and it was all about how broken sin makes us, and feeling the weight of that, and how Christ is the only salvation, and then that was followed up with this no-nonsense authoritative preaching from God’s Word, about how being “saved” isn’t just from your sin. It’s from yourself. It’s from your *lack* of caring about what is good, of caring about God.

I actually finally realized that when everyone else was out of the picture and it’s just me and God, I don’t care about Him. Even though I know what He did for me. And that felt like the most crushing vile sin of all of them, of my whole double-life. And I couldn’t get out from under it. But then it was super clear: He said He’d give me a “new heart.”

So I asked Him to save me and make me care about Him, and I’d live the rest of my life doing what He tells me to do.    He has done that! Not all at once, but gradually. I care more about doing what He wants, even if nobody in my favorite circles comes with me, than I ever thought I would. And there’s no explanation for it, because I had all of the circumstantial and situational reasons to have that kind of motivation for the first 14 years of my life—and I still didn’t. The only explanation for the change is Him. 

As far as how to talk about it here on tumblr...I've never really started a conversation specifically to lead someone to Christ online. I don't think online is the place to try that—but sometimes the topic comes up naturally because it's relevant to what I'm talking about in a post, like values in movies or if an important truth comes to mind and I feel like posting about it.

If you don't want to get into arguments, the best thing to do is not reply. People here tend to intentionally re-phrase everything you say into something they can buck and kick at, even if you choose your words super carefully. It's because they don't want to have a discussion. They either want to be right, or they want to make you look like a fool. It's impossible for them to do either of those things if what they're arguing against is truth—but they tend to just keep trying if you reply.

I only reply if I feel strongly that others might read the interaction and get the wrong idea about God, or truth, because of the word-twisting of my opposition. However, it's up to your personal conviction! 

My main advice is, don't ever stoop to returning insults. If someone calls you stupid, don't call them stupid back. If someone says something that's just a personal attack on you and has nothing to do with what you're arguing about, you can call it out--"what does that have to do with anything?"--and move on, or you can totally ignore it. And if someone just keeps on re-phrasing everything you say, like this:

Me: There's always more to learn, you don't know everything about what all Christians believe.

Them: I can't believe you're telling me you know more than me, lol, I've got forty years of experience

Then just block 'em. They either don't have good reading comprehension, or they don't want to actually debate in order to highlight truth. They want to debate to hear themselves talk, to convince themselves that they're right, to look like they're right in front of their followers, or to make a fool out of you. None of those are good reasons to debate.

They're looking to discredit you by any means necessary—including twisting your words. See how I said nothing about how much more *I* know than the other person? But somehow they took the point of my phrase and twisted it into a personal attack. That sort of thing isn't worth wasting your time on.

My dad likes to say, "nobody wins people to Christ by arguing them into it." I don't know if that's true, but it has been based on my experience. That said, I think truth is worth defending, and I think we're commanded to stand up against what is wrong. However, there comes a point when it's really just falling on deaf ears and continuing is a point of pride instead of humility.

For your questions, I'd see what the Bible says! 

[luimagines]

Pinky! I'm back, why doesn't a Lynel emoji exist? As it would be super funny. I just need a Lynel and the farm and you know who I am. The one with the Lynel farm.

So to cut to the chase. These headcanons of Bunny!Legend kicked something in my brain and I think it would be cute for Reader but funny for the chain and embarrassing for Legend.

I was a bunny owner myself and I know, that bunnies do nest when they are expecting. So we know that his Dark World form bleeds sometimes into his hylian form. So I think, if Legend has a pregnant S/O. He would go to their shared bedroom and build a nest/ burrow/ den. As soon as his bunny instincts tell him, he will be getting kits.

He will find it embarrassing as soon as he realises what he is actually doing, while Reader finds it endearing. He also sleeps automatically so that he protects Reader and their stomach with his body. Even when Reader turns around, he will turn them back so he can protect them with his kits. Reader is his mate, he has to protect them.

But if the Chain finds out about the little nest that once was a bed. Legend is not going to live it down. Sky and Twilight will tease him relentlessly, but Reader takes the blame in front of them all and says they did it as they miss Legend so much and Reader is pregnant so they can pass it down pregnancy hormones. Legend knows that they did it to protect his pride as they know how much he hates his other form. Legend is glad but also feels guilty as they take the "blame" on their pregnant body.

But if they try to make fun of Legend as he is very protective and soft towards and around Reader. Reader will show that you should never mess with Legend's pregnant S/O. A mother becomes a grizzly bear as soon as they see their baby in danger but their love for Legend strong enough to put them in a similar state and pregnancy hormones, they are dangerous. Damn, Reader is suddenly a WWE fighter and beats the crap out of them, John Cena would be proud as he didn't know he had a hylian child, they even got a chair to smack the boys. All of them got a beating except for Hyrule as he is an innocent baby in their eyes and Time. Wind learns flying. Time didn't do anything so he "just" got a scolding for doing nothing to prevent the group from teasing their hero.

After that the Chain has a new juice to drink "Respect Reader Juice". Legend has to calm them down, normally it's the other way around, as stress isn't good for the baby. Warriors thanks him silently. Wind comes back and asks for another round. Wild wants to fly too! Twilight has to control those two. He drinks "Respect Women Juice", "Respect Pregnant Women Juice" so now he is drinking "Respect Pregnant Reader Or You Turn Into A Punching Bag Juice". Pregnant people are scary.

But I also think Legend would be in a pickle. He needs to travel with the group to slay the Shadow. But Reader is pregnant with his child/ children. In his paranoid mind, he is we all would be paranoid after we go through the same shit he did, he pictures the worst case scenarios. Ravio is a coward, he is incapable of protecting Reader and his kits. In fact, he is sure Ravio would run away as soon as some of Legend's enemies or even monsters from the Shadow come to hurt Legend psychologically. He would break down, if he sees his family dead and knowing, that he wasn't able to protect them! He would lose his will to live. Even if the boys try to cheer him up, nobody would be able to do it as Legend worked so hard for his family only to lose them! So of course, something in his mind he wants to protect them but he definitely doesn't want to take Reader with him or they are really a walking target! And even if Reader says he should go. He can't just pack up and leave! So the group stays until Reader calms Legend down so isn't in a paranoia episode until then the group has to wait and respect whatever Legend's choice is, even if they need his help. Time understands him, he has Twilight as his descendant and he knows how scared he was as Twilight was injured. He would probably react the same if Malon was pregnant as he also doesn't want to lose his loved ones. So he would even persuade the others, that Legend's choice is his to make not theirs. He would explain, that Legend wants to be there when his kit is born, learns to walk, learns to speak, he wants to hear its first words. He just wants to be there and have a kinda peaceful life since the beginning and maybe Hylia did want him to give him that with making Reader pregnant with his kits.

Maybe a Zebra emoji? Honestly, shame on them for not having a lynel emoji.

I actually don't know much about having bunnies either! But I know they stomp when they're mad!

But pregnancy hormones are no joke, what so ever. Especially when they're mad.... Or should I say hopping mad?

.... I'll see myself out.

And poor Legend, worrying his poor little head about every little thing because he wants everything to be nice and safe and homey. Just let the man raise his family in peace. :(

[solottrpgchronicles]

1d. First Day at the Lab - Outliers

Name: Ren

Day: 1

Funds: $ 100

Today is my first day working at Ar Leith Labs - I can't believe I finally landed a job!

To be honest, I didn't look too deeply into what they do at Ar Leith Labs - I basically sent my curriculum to every neuroscience research lab that was hiring. Now that I'm here, I can't even find a pamphlet explaining the research in detail.

Ok, I'll be professional and go introduce myself to my coworkers now; either them or the PI can tell me more about the job.

---

There are only two other research assistants in my group: Leanne and Perry; neither of them seems to be the chatty type, at least not with me. I was looking forward to meeting my PI, but Leanne told me that she has never shown her face around here.

Right then we heard the PI speak; it felt as if she was standing right next to us. This lab must have a pretty technologically advanced speaker system!

The PI's voice welcomed me and introduced herself as C.N, just her initials; she invited me to get acquainted with the lab environment, and help my coworkers out with anything they might need.

I found it a little odd that she's not meeting us in person, but maybe there's an excellent reason for it. I don't want to pry, especially not on my first day.

Nobody was available to give me a tour - lots of work to do, which is fair - so I walked around the lab by myself, studying the equipment. I didn't recognize any of the machines, except for the obvious desktop computer in the corner. That one even looks a little old, in contrast with the rest of the devices.

Leanne noticed me looking at the computer and asked if I know how to code; heck yeah I do, I took a few classes and I'm pretty ok at it! So she asked me to write a bit of code to generate graph data for her latest research data. It's strange that they don't have software for that already, but I decided to avoid asking any questions.

I took this opportunity to look over the data, hoping it would clarify what kind of research we're supposed to do here, but I couldn't make heads or tails of it. Oh, well.

I couldn't recognize the OS the computer is running either, but it seemed loosely based on Unix. I was making good progress until I started testing my code; I got the error "Unable to find or open '/Brain/TemporalLobe/Hippocampus/MISTAKE.png'". I'm 100% sure I never referenced this file, and what a bizarre name!

I immediately thought this must be a prank - Leanne and Perry must have planned this as a funny welcome for me. I resolved to laugh and tell them it was a cool prank; that would show them I'm chill.

Unfortunately, they kept insisting they didn't know what I was talking about. They looked annoyed, so I assume they were being truthful. Alright, time to debug.

A quick search of the codebase and external libraries for the file path in the error message yielded no results. I tried looking just for "Mistake.png" and got nothing once again.

Interestingly enough, though, "Ren/Brain/" exists, except there's only a "temp" folder in there. Maybe I don't have the right access levels to see other folders? There doesn't seem to be a root user either.

I bothered Leanne and Perry to see whether they have access to the other folders - they don't, but they have their own users on this machine, with their own "/Brain/" folders. Also, my code wasn't available to them. They said the users were already set up for them when they joined, just like mine; IT support must be incredible around here.

In the end I decided to share the code with Leanne's user, in the off chance it would work for her. It did, just like I hoped, and Leanne got her graph.

I don't fully understand, but... great. Maybe I should talk to the IT support people, or take a few more coding classes.

---

The rest of the day was spent on boring menial tasks.

I bet my coworkers think I'm more trouble than I'm helpful, but hey - they'll change their minds, soon enough. After all, I didn't graduate top of my class just to be ignored at my job.

Luckily, at least C.N. already sees potential in me: before I left for the day, she said tomorrow I'll be tabling at an event called "The Gathering"! My first table, and on day 2? I can't wait!

I forgot to ask for the address, but I bet I can find all the info I need online. I'm obviously being tested, and I will show initiative, dependability, and bring a ton of new participants for the study!

--------------------

This is a playthrough of a solo TTRPG called "Outliers", by Sam Leigh, @goblinmixtape.

You can check it out on itch.io: https://far-horizons-co-op.itch.io/outliers

[justatalkingface]

Let's Talk About the Toga Problem.

...You know, I wasn't going to do this, or least not for awhile yet, but the way everyone was talking the last couple of chapters (I lost interest after the Dabi debacle, so I had three of the Toga debacle to read!) was especially bad, so I checked and... yeah. It lived up to the hype.

And so here we are where, yet again, I find myself loading words with my pure frustration.

*claps hands*

So! Does this title sound similar to any of you? If it does, that's because it's basiclly the title of my Bakugou post, and that's for a good reason: beyond the extra special last minute writing we're witnessing (the fact her Quirk isn't working right is beyond stupid), Toga's overall problem is the same as Bakugou's, something I'm now calling 'Quantum Characterization', because I'm shit at naming things and I like this name the best thus far.

So, here's the thing with Toga: there's two versions of her, and they're both existing in the same place at the same time: one that is actually doing things in story, Toga A, the blood thirsting girl, and the one that people in story (and to some extent, out of it) react to, Toga B, the love starved girl.... who is effectively a shared mass hallucination.

The first Toga is her actual actions: the vicious, blood thirsty, actively insane serial killer. The main thing that motivates this Toga, the Toga that is actually acting in the 'real world' of MHA, is loyalty to her friends and literal blood lust. This Toga is one who, as I've mentioned before, says she 'loves' things, but actively doesn't understand her own motivations and drives, in part because her Quirk-based instincts are that strong, because she's basiclly a natural predator of humans, and in part because nobody ever dealt with them properly.

The thing is that Toga A thinks she loves all these things, attractive people, friends, blood, and so on, but it's not actually one emotion she's feeling, it's multiple. Some of it is normal attraction, some is lust, and a good deal of it is hunger, and somewhere in there there's a crush or two. The problem is that it's all so muddled in her head that she actively responds to the thought that, X is pretty/cute/or whatever else with hunger, even if that initiating thought wasn't actually about how tasty they would be, so, in her mind, 'love' is the urge to devour someone, for whatever reason.

Now, theoretically, this is something that could be managed, or dealt with, but Toga A isn't aware of this, at all, and thinks her 'love' is normal, and the fact that no one else ever acts similarly to her means they don't like her, while, at the same time, the fact that people negatively to being eaten means they don't like her, or think she's horrible... when in fact, they're reacting negatively to the eating part, since it's killing them. All of this is complicated by the fact that, as I said, she's basiclly a natural predator of humans, but lives as a human, with humans, and likes human, but has no idea how really actualize and deal with all these conflicting facts, or that she even should.

All of this shit, along with parents and a social environment that seemingly has no context for these predatory instincts (I'm not sure why she's so different in this respect, but I don't think there's anyone else in story as actively mentally influenced by their Quirks as Toga is, even if it's implied there's others) slowly festered in Toga for years and years, while she tried to act like everyone else, without any understanding of why she was different except the fact that she was failing at it, somehow, until she snapped and fell back on her instincts without any idea of how to properly manage them. In other words, she killed and ate someone. That, of course, fucked her life up and she went on the run, and then spiraled hard on the run until we get to now: a girl with a persecution complex, always blaming everyone else, actively deluded to how things work and what she's doing to herself and others.

Someone who is ultimately pitiable, but still an insane serial killer, for who much of her motivations go back to, 'I don't understand why no one likes it when I drink their blood'.

Here's the thing: Toga A's story is... actually pretty interesting? Also, with a quite a few similarities to Shigaraki, if for radically different reasons.

There's a lot of fucked up in it, honestly, but the thing is Toga A lives in Tokyo Ghoul, basiclly, while everyone else is in MHA, but she has no fellow ghouls to bond with, or to explain shit, but the fact that Tokyo Ghoul was so popular means that, if done well, Toga A's story could just be really fun to read! Here's the problem: while Toga A is the one acting in the story, people are reacting to Toga B.

Now, Toga B is the one most fans are familiar with: an abused girl who just wants to love people. She's attracted to a lot of people, generally on a shallow, surface level way more related to how attractive they are, but there's a handful she's more actively romantically attracted to, (Ochaka, Izuku, maybe Tsuyu). She craved blood, and didn't always handle it well, but a lot of her problems came from her parents who found that very desire monstrous, and basiclly never forgave her for being born. Eventually, she snapped, killed someone on accident, and had to go on the run where, over time, facing more oppression and harsh conditions, she became more comfortable killing people and feeding her desires the only way she knew how.

This... also could be interesting, but the timeline of it is a bit... lacking. That's because Toga B doesn't actually exist, beyond how people react to her, and so her history is in doubt in multiple areas.

There's only Toga A, a serial killer who hunts and kills people because they taste good... but for whatever reason (*cough, cough, Hori making villains simultaneously pure evil and pitable*) people talk to her like she doing completely different things. The fact that she's killed people, quite a few people in fact, is almost never brought up, because Toga B doesn't hunt people, only stalk them (which is still bad, don't get me wrong, but less bad than the hunting) and those rare times when someone we've seen her kill is brought up, it's brushed over as quickly as possible to go back to the narrative of the love starved girl, instead of the blood thirsting one.

Over time, the love starved girl, the one who is effectively a mass hallucination shared by a good deal of the cast, fell into actual romantic love with Izuku, then Ochaka. She formed a sort of... Romeo/Juliet style dynamic with Ochaka based on her attraction to her, and both of them connected with each other through their mutual love with Izuku, and to some extent, each other, (giving all of this dual love triangle and three way energy, all at the same time, and also sometimes Tsu is involved as well, as a sort of attachment to Ochaka) but this feeling could never be explored due to them being on either side of the hero/villain dynamic, cruelly torn apart before they could be together or even meet by the hands of fate and the indifference of the populace, until things came to a head now, as Toga was driven to the edge by the heroes and forced to finally embrace her inner villain, drawing out a heartfelt confession by Uraraka!

...

I mean... if you ignore what's actually happening, anyways. There was always a problem with this, obviously, but Toga B has so wildly diverged from Toga A that even people who didn't see a problem before are being forced to notice that, hey, something's weird, which itself is exacerbated by both the decline in writing quality and the general rushed to tone of the story overall.

Honestly, my little monologue about 'the love starved girl' is me doing some quite a bit a lot of extrapolating on what their relationship would be if it was actually done 'right', then it is the actual 'facts' we have in story, because until five minutes ago Uchaka wasn't actively... a part of it, at all, it was Toga just basiclly having a conversation with a version of Uraraka in her own head, while Uraraka was just trying to stop her from killing people. The thing is, now, Uraraka is suddenly being changed to also be living in this same story, which makes this whole situation even more awkward, because there was this whole phase of their 'relationship' that, even in the magical mass hallucination land they're all living in now, never happened, and so they're skipping a lot of steps on their relationship while acting like they didn't.

In a side note, in a society where All Might single handedly changed how Japan works, and could probably physically break it, the fact a single person can change the world isn't surprising, it's established fact, because, well, All Might, and also All For One, even if his history of doing just that is less well known. So that reporter in the helicopter might as well be talking about how this crazy stuff scientists have been talking about, rain, which even now is falling from the sky, is wet, and she sounds about as stupid right now as she would if she was saying that instead.

[olderthannetfic]

Okay first as a disclaimer... Yeah I guess my first disclaimer was unnecessary I'm just paranoid and stuff

But on to the follow up I might not have explained myself properly or given enough context or my question was incoherent? But for context while I do like plenty of canon ships, my favorite ships tend to be MxM ships of characters who don't have canon female love interests. My fandoms tend to be fujobait/card game anime plus video games. (Honestly I kind of feel like the guy you called 'some fuck' in your answer tbh lol (Hopefully I'm not as obnoxious and arrogant as them though)).

Anyway the stuff I was mostly thinking about was stuff like the Ike/Soren defenses and the Ash Ketchum shipping wars. (Although I only read that instead of participating) But from your answer and thinking over it I realized that I had actually seen a good amount of Hassel/Brassius hint finding etc but I didn't realize it was the kind of stuff I was thinking of (probably because they weren't being defensive or worried about homophobic attacks). So yeah the kind of stuff I was asking about does exist but I just didn't realize it.

Anyway on the anti stuff... I feared that people interested in this stuff disappeared because they became antis but fortunately it seems that's not true.

Anyway thank you for the answer and apologies for any inconveniences and vagueness in my asks.

--

Ahaha. Really, anon? Your whole preamble was pure canon het shipper from big US TV circa 2005 in its tone.

Now I'm even more confused about why on earth you think you and I have beef.

--

I think the basic answer to some of your questions may be that:

Yes, people who like all kinds of things exist.

But if you're looking for shippers of something very specific, 99% of media and ships never generate A Fandom™ in the Destiel/Sterek/Drarry/etc. sense. Canon, not canon, slash, het: doesn't matter, most are small.

Have a look at that other recent post about what percentage of AO3 fandoms are what size.

--

Guys from "fujobait" who don't have canon female love interests seem like... not actually canon ships?

This just seems like the same speculation and looking for confirmation that all the other m/m shippers are doing unless they're into MDZS or Jordan L. Hawk novels something.

I'm not clear on what sets what you're talking about apart from... just the average shipper on tumblr.

I don't know much about the social dynamics of Pokemon or Fire Emblem fandoms except for a vague sense that FE has the usual modern fandom full of young idiots harassing each other problems.

People do move on from particularly unpleasant fandoms... but... mostly, people just move on from everything and usually quite quickly.

The only fandoms people stay and stay and stay for are those that are generating a huge volume of new material, usually fan-made, often in the form of novel-length fic. And even then, it takes a specific fannish personality type to stick to one particular ship or fandom for ages. There are people still shipping those two dudes from The Professionals and nobody else, but they're a rare breed.

--

I still don't understand what you were asking in the first place.

Someone who knows these fandoms, explain????

[ineffablefool]

Hey guys.

I know that there’s all kinds of fun events coming up, screenings and signings and conventions and whatnot.  They will involve large numbers of people in the same space.  I accept this.  It is happening.

Please wear a properly-fitted N95-or-better mask if you’re going.

Please mask up if you’re going, because covid is still out there, and I cannot risk bringing it into my house.

Please mask up if you’re going, because I can’t go.  I have to very, very sharply limit my time in public, because every time I go out I am risking covid, and I cannot bring covid into my 100% high-risk household.  That means I have to ask myself what I’m willing to potentially hospitalize my companion of 20 years for, or what I’m willing to potentially hospitalize myself for.  And as long as covid is circulating freely, I can never stop asking that question.

I can’t join my fellow fans at the Good Omens early screening, or at SDCC, or anywhere, because almost nobody is masking.  Almost nobody is being covid-conscious.  Could you, just for these few events?  Please?  The more individual humans that do it, the more other people will see them doing it and perhaps follow suit.  The more that people in general are willing to wear masks, the less likely I am to catch covid with every trip outside.  I might be able to go to a con again, some day.  I might be able to go watch that total solar eclipse coming up next year, the one we were already making plans for back in 2017 (I’m guessing we’ll just have to wait for the next one that swings by anywhere near to us, which will be in... let me check Wikipedia... 2044).  I might be able to just... go out in public without it being a huge stressor or requiring tons of preparation, swing by a coffee shop just because I feel like it, maybe even have offline friends again.  Have a professional cut my hair in a way that gives me good gender feels again.  (Do you know, I’ve been ready to talk to my doctor about testosterone for almost two years now?  But gender dysphoria won’t put me or my housemate in the emergency room.  Vastly increasing the frequency of my visits literally to a place where sick people congregate might.)

I understand that the pandemic has been declared to be over, and that long covid is obviously only something that happens to someone else, and it’s okay, as long as you’re young and/or basically healthy it’s fine!! :) :) :) :)

I’m one of the weirdo sickies.  As long as you’re having your fun togetherness times unmasked, I get no fun togetherness times at all.

If you’ve ever gotten even a tiny bit of joy from a story I’ve written, could you please just wear a properly-fitted N95-or-better mask when at one of these public events?  As a personal favor to me?  Because, yes, I know a handful of people wearing masks a thousand miles away doesn’t make an objectively measurable difference to me.  Except it would make such an incredibly huge difference.  To me.  If for just one single day this summer, someone would put up with some inconvenience, just to show the world that they do still care about people like me.

(This post is me, as one person of a particular fan community, reaching out in an attempt to reach others in that community who are aware of my specific existence as a human being, and who could potentially want to do me a favor.  If this breaks containment then no, random person who doesn’t know who I am and doesn’t care, I am not asking a single thing of you, other than that you accept that perhaps this interwebs posting is not for you.  Because it’s not.)

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Adjustable binder recs? (and one for sale)

Nearly twenty years ago, I purchased a T-Kingdom binder with side Velcro closure (style pictured below) to use for my crossplays. It's done an admirable job over the years, but after almost two decades of use the elastic is wearing out, so it's time to replace it.

Since I hadn't really kept up with developments in this area, I did a bunch of reading up on binders, since there are SO MANY more on the market now than the two brands (T-Kingdom and Underworks) that existed back in the early 2000s. I looked at dozens of rating blogs and product reviews, and I ordered a few of the more popular models to try.

They... did not work for me. At all. (Ow.)

So then I tried to order another binder from T-Kingdom, since I know I can wear theirs comfortably. But the site's shopping cart is broken, and their contact form is broken, and I emailed them directly and they have never responded, so I'm guessing they're either defunct or don't want my money.

Trouble is, nobody else seems to make the model I need. So, crowdsourcing it is! If anyone has suggestions or knows where I can get a binder that meets the following criteria, please chime in:

It CAN NOT be a fitted pullover style. I have spine damage that limits my shoulder and neck mobility; I can't even get a sports bra on over my shoulders, much less a tight-fitting binder. It can go on loose over the head and then zip or Velcro or hook or whatever once it's on, but it can't go on tight.

Adjustable compression preferred. While manual compression is not recommended for everyone, I have enough experience binding to know how not to hurt myself, and I would like to be able to adjust the fit throughout the day to change the pressure on my spine. I like the Velcro closure on my current binder, but I'm open to other styles if they work well.

It needs to be able to flatten huge... tracts of land. I'm a D-cup plus. I need a lot of smooshing power, while still having enough elasticity to allow comfortable breathing.

Actual before-and-after binding photos, to give you an idea of what I'm working with/aiming for:

I may be looking for a unicorn (or at least a model only made by a company that doesn't answer their email), but hopefully someone in my network will have something to recommend. I'm even willing to try making my own, if I can find the right materials -- though I'm not sure where to get those massive, industrial-strength elastic panels that most high-compression binders seem to be made of.

Thanks for any suggestions or recommendations you may have!

The "One For Sale" bit

As mentioned above, I tried several binders that didn't work for me. I was able to return all of them except for one: I have a size L gc2b Nude No. 4 half binder that was on my body for approximately a minute and a half and will never, ever go on it again (this was the one pullover style I tried, and I actually hurt myself getting into/out of it. Stupid spine :P).

Since it's never been used, I'd like to recoup most of my cost, but I'd rather offer it to the cosplay community than just put it up on eBay or something. I paid $42 ($29.75 plus gc2b's flat rate shipping). It can be yours for $29 with local/at-con pickup, $34 shipped within the contiguous USA, or outside that area if you cover the difference in shipping cost (I have cheap international rates through my business account, so this would likely be around $10 more). If you're interested, send me a DM!

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

Do you read milex fanfics? If so what's your favorite ones?

DO I (yes, i do)

there are SO many incredible ones out there, most of which i've probably not even read yet because my to-read list is so long rn! here are a few of my all-time favourites though (plus a handful at the end of current wips i am loving too!)

LONGER FICS

Joie de Vivre by @gasdancer

summary: "Two young men decamp to rural France to make an album together. It ~is like love."

tags: angst, fluff, smut, bed-sharing, first time, friends to lovers

notes: THIS FUCKING FIC OH LORD. i just finished reading it recently and i had to sit down and reevaluate my whole existence for like a day afterwards. it PERFECTLY captures the dynamic of taotu milex - the playfulness, the intensity, the heart-wrenching love they have for each other that underlines everything. it's beautifully written with some *very* hot smut scenes and honestly it's amazing and if you haven't read it already then what are you waiting for?? (there are also two sequels, the first of which i am currently halfway through and it is just as incredible oh my god)

Been Away Too Long To Be Afraid by @stereobone

summary: Miles goes to visit Alex in Los Angeles to get his mind off his recent breakup. It works far better than expected.

tags: friends to lovers, miscommunication, pining, first time

notes: THIS FIC oh my goodness. it is in no small way responsible for how deep into this fandom i have sunk, as it was one of the first milex fics i ever remember reading and it's just so stupidly good. their characterisation is ON POINT and it's just the perfect balance of yearning/miscommunication/slow build. oh, any absolutely beautiful writing style too. my only complaint is that it went by WAY too fast when i was reading it lol.

Shy Of A Spark by @elorianna

summary: The Arctic Monkeys are about to play Glastonbury, their biggest gig yet, and Alex is struggling with stage fright. Fortunately for him, he has Miles to help him feel braver, and with his best friend by his side, surely nothing can go wrong.

Except that now it's the day of the show, Miles is acting strange, and the gig is no longer the only thing giving Alex stage fright. With the hours racing past, will he get his head in the game in time for their headline performance? And will he find a way to be brave, in more ways than one?

tags: friends to lovers, pining, first time, bed sharing

notes: this fic has such a special place in my heart, and i've lost count of how many times i've re-read it. it totally captures the fear of falling for someone who already means so much to you, and is just BEAUTIFULLY written with gorgeous characterisation and layers of theme and subtext on bravery and performance throughout. i literally cannot recommend it enough!! i am such a massive fan of all of elorianna's works, but i'm limiting myself to reccing one long and one short one here so this list doesn't become endless lol.

Terra Incognita by @yellowloid

summary: His fear of thunderstorms is something Alex has managed to keep a secret for most of his life. Nobody knows except his parents, and he’s determined to keep it that way. Except now he’s stuck in his apartment with Miles, the world outside is being shaken by a raging downpour, and maybe his fear isn’t the only thing that’s becoming difficult to hide. Or: they comfort each other in unconventional ways.

tags: hurt/comfort, pining, handjobs, friends to lovers

notes: i love the whole theme of unexplored lands that runs through this fic, it's gorgeously written and it feels like it touches on something so fitting for miles and alex's dynamic (also alex's thoughts about words in it feel SO in character). also i am such a sucker for a good hurt/comfort, and this ABSOLUTELY delivers the goods. god, the build up? the smut? the everything??? it's amazing, and full of so many stunning little details and nuances.

The Galaxy's Edge by @richiebrook

summary: Alex hasn’t been feeling like himself. He's used to it – tour life usually makes him feel a bit out of it, as if he were drifting in space - but it does put a strain on his relationship with the rest of the band and his girlfriend Taylor. Miles, his best friend turned lover, calls him up twice a week to make sure he doesn't drift too far. Their biweekly ritual helps Alex. The same can't be said for Taylor, who is perfectly aware of what Miles really is to her boyfriend. And so the Monkeys tour continues, Alex drifts and Miles anchors. But is it really drifting if you know exactly where you need to be?

tags: angst, long distance relationship, cheating, hurt/comfort

notes: okay, so there are a whole bunch of tags for this fic that would usually make it not my thing, BUT the writing is just so incredibly skilled and the characterisation of alex is so multi-layered and interesting that it i found myself getting completely sucked in. i have to say, it definitely is quite angst heavy so it's not a fic for if you're in a mood for some feelgood fluff - but it's beautifully written and a super thought-provoking and nuanced character study.

SHORTER FICS

On the Cusp by @elorianna

summary: On a hot summer day during their EYCTE Puppets tour, Miles and Alex find themselves stuck on a tour bus without any air conditioning. As they try to find ways to distract themselves from the heat, the boys end up struggling to maintain their cool in more ways than one…

tags: friends to lovers, first time

notes: i mean... this fic is just... *fans self* so hot. the way elorianna writes the build up of sexual tension is MASTERFUL.

Christmas Eve Will Find Me Where The Love Light Gleams by literevie

summary: Alex caught covid just before he was about to head home for Christmas. Now he's stuck alone in London, pretending to be brave about it all. But Miles finds out and decides to visit him to drop by some of his mums' famous christmas cooking to help him feel less lonely. Plot twists occur of course.

tags: friends to lovers, pining, sickfic, slow burn, first kiss

notes: this is such a special fic... i've rarely read one that feels like it has such a profound understanding of the dynamic between miles and alex, and it deals with the joy and the complexity of all that entails with just so much skill and poignancy. it's in the shorter fics category, but the PACE of this whole fic is just perfect and unrushed. it also features one of the best ever love confession scenes i've read. honestly it's just magic. the whole fic is.

The 36 Questions that Lead to Love by @fiireside

summary: To fall in love with anyone, answer these questions.

tags: fluff, pining

notes: THIS FIC IS SO ADORABLE omg. if you're ever having a bad day or feeling disillusioned with the world, just read this and i swear it will restore you.

Amsterdam by @richiebrook

summary: This one is set during the first night of Miles’ European tour, after Miles overhears a group of people in the audience singing “Where the fuck is Alex Turner?” as soon as he leaves the stage. Needless to say, it’s not the big opening night Miles had hoped for. Feeling like he's lost control of his own tour, he calls Alex up, fully intending to blame him for everything. Luckily, Alex knows just how to prove to him that he's still very much in control after all.

tags: angst, phone sex

notes: god, this is so beautifully written. the characterisation and the dynamic between them is just MASTERFUL. it honestly took my breath away the first time i read it for how real the way they interact feels. so many layers to this despite it being such a short fic (and the smut is really hot too).

Magic From Your Fingers Tingles Down My Spine by @alexturne

summary: "Wanna make out?" Alex coughed out a cloud of thick smoke. He blinked and looked at Miles next to him. Miles was making quite the sight, sprawled out across Alex's sheets with a dirty smirk plastered on his face. He looked nice, spread out like that. All relaxed and comfortable, as if he'd always been destined to end up right there in Alex's bed.Or: Whilst writing their first album together, Alex and Miles get high, and Miles has a great idea about how they could be spending their time.

tags: fluff and smut, friends to lovers

notes: this was one of the first milex fics i ever read and ahhhhhh. i still reread it often bc i just adore it! the tension and the tenderness in it is just 10/10 and i love how much they were both totally, helplessly into each other throughout it. wonderful writing.

the italian job by @stereobone

summary: Miles buys a house in Italy. Alex moves in.

tags: developing relationship, fluff, smut, feelgood

notes: this fic is just ART. god. the writing is absolutely stunning and it's full of beautiful subtext and metaphor but is also just so grounded in their relationship. i actually had to close my laptop for a few moments after finishing it because it just filled my heart up so much i didn't even know what to do with myself. the conversation between alex and miles in it is so insanely in character and ugh i just love everything about it okay??

WIPS/FICS I'M READING

Inhaler by @perfectly-clear-from-here

summary: A fast forming friendship between Alex and Miles takes a turn after a range of sleepless nights, shared cigarettes, loud music and a bar fight.

tags: friends to lovers, pre-taotu, slow burn, angst, fluff

notes: god, this fic just has it all for me. the characterisation of miles and alex's dynamic is just SPOT ON and right from the beginning has this wonderful sense of innate connection in a way that feels so authentic. i can already tell that the slow burn is going to destroy me (in the best possible way). it's also BEAUTIFULLY written with evocative descriptions that draw you straight into the story, super relatable themes, and wonderful snort-out-loud-at-your-computer-screen arctic monkeys boys banter.

Switchblades and Motorbikes by @thranduil-aran-edhil

summary: London. 1950’s. The Arctic Monkeys and the Diamond Dogs have never seen eye to eye. The two gangs are notoriously at odds with each other, constantly getting in fights around town. Alex Turner, leader of the Monkeys, is a sly thief and bike enthusiast that refuses to humble himself just because he’s sorta new in town. Miles Kane, leader of the Dogs, is a rebel with a cause and nothing will stop him defending his community and values. Not even a pretentious bastard like Turner. But a common adversary threatens to change this status quo. Will they find a way to team up? Or will both gangs fall under this much more powerful foe?

tags: 1950s au, violence, enemies to lovers, fluff and angst

notes: oooooh the ANIMOSITY and the tension between miles and alex sets up such an addictive dynamic in this, and the au vibes are just IMMACULATE. i have to admit, i'm only one chapter in but i'm already so hooked i couldn't not add it to the list. the dialogue in it is beautifully done and so full of character, and the whole thing just feels like watching a really cool movie play out onscreen.

I'll Pretend (Or Not) by @28-destiel-505

summary: Everyone knew Miles Kane and Alex Turner hated each other. But when it goes too far, their teams force them to do a collab to save their public images. Nobody understands when their relationship seems to have changed, not the fans, not their friends and not even themselves. Telling people it's just for the public might work for a little while but at some point, their friends question it. Maybe it's because of the time spending together or maybe it's because of the things happening when they're on stage but people start wondering what is really going on between the two.

tags: slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, secret relationship

notes: okay i'm also in the early stages of this fic, but it's been on my to read list FOREVER and i am so excited to get further into it because i am a sucker for enemies to friends to lovers and i enjoyed the first two chapters so much!

under these lights you look beautiful by @alexturne

summary: Miles got completely lost in his voice. There was a faraway quality to it, like he belonged somewhere else entirely, but somehow had decided to grace them with his presence and Miles felt blessed to be near him if even for a short while. The subtle elegance hidden in his slender figure, the mannerisms of his fingers wrapped around the corners of his notebook. His words were spoken softly, quietly, but without any hesitation or faltering. Alex is an elusive poet, who has a way with words and Miles is a bartender, who is completely mesmerized.

tags: bartender au, slow burn, falling in love

notes: i've literally only read the first chapter of this but it already has me HOOKED - it's so cosy and atmospheric and i can already tell it's going to tug on my heartstrings so much in the best way. and omg poet alex with humbug hair?? i am in love as miles is oh lord.

that's it for now! if anyone has any fic recs (your own you want to promote or anyone else's that you've read and loved!), please feel free to send them my way - i feel like i'm probably missing some major ones from this list and am always looking for more good milex fics!

[cleoashbee]

Together but apart

"It's like we're all existing near each other instead of with each other."

There’s this scene in Back to the Future- It’s this perfect snapshot of the American 1950s dinner table, except something new happens. They wheel in their first television set so they can watch TV while they eat. Loraine, asks Marty if he has a TV, and he responds casually, “Well yeah, you know, we have two of them.” The family reacts with shock, and Marty’s grandmother quips, “Oh honey, he’s teasing you. Nobody has two television sets.” She was right, at least for the 1950s. Having two TVs was absurd back then.

But that moment, subtle as it is, is also a perfect preview of how things were about to change. It used to be that there was one TV, central to the house, and the whole family had to share it. Everyone gathered around to watch together, as a unit. Programs were a shared experience—good or bad, everyone was stuck with the same thing. Everyone watched what was on, and there was no escaping that.

I remember the first time that changed. In high school, my parents got me this 19” TV/DVD player combo for my bedroom. It was this big deal for me—I watched my three DVDs over and over, just because I could. It didn’t matter what was on; the point was, I could be in my room watching something by myself. And that’s when the separation started.

Fast-forward to now, and the idea of only having one TV in the house seems ancient. It’s completely normal for every single person in a family to have their own television. Everyone is physically in the same house, but we’re in completely different worlds, isolated in our personal media bubbles.

And now with smartphones, you don’t even need a room to shut yourself off. You can sit anywhere and still be somewhere else. I saw this play out in real-time last week—kids with iPads glued to their faces at a restaurant. I saw the same thing at the grocery store: parents pushing kids through aisles while the kids sit in the cart zoned out to a cartoon. I looked around and thought, is this normal now?

The sad truth is, yes, it is. This isn't just about consuming media separately; it’s that we’re doing it everywhere and all the time—standing in line, sitting at dinner, zoning out in the car. I’ve seen people at concerts, concerts they shelled out a hundred bucks for, faces buried in their phones, not watching the band, not even interacting with the friends they came with.

It’s like we’re all existing near each other instead of with each other. We’ve somehow made it socially acceptable to always be elsewhere, even when we’re right next to someone.

[rgr-pop]

i know i’m in a period i will look back on as in an obsessive hole - i’m experiencing a kind of scrupulosity that i can’t see outside of. endless negative interactions make me paranoid about how my behaviors are triggering them, convinced that they are unnavigable except through removing myself from existing, and also constantly thinking about how i could never live with myself if i acted the way others have acted (not even to me just in general), endless thoughts of - am i acting as horribly as they are? every interaction with everyone is a horrible and borderline traumatic experience to me. i can’t ask for help because i’m a contaminant (and constantly punished for speaking at all). i can’t ask for help because the only time i feel peace is in total isolation. and that part is real - i do feel less horrible if i’m mostly alone. this confirms my beliefs.

the most nourishing interactions i’ve had in the last month are with an acquaintance who is attending to me more because i think he is a bit symptomatic himself (he and i have the same birthday and all the same diseases). he can be disciplined about enabling himself sometimes so i feel bad speaking to him at all—contaminating him—even though it makes me happy to. i know he’ll be distant again when he is well.

one of the reasons i can’t see the other person is, well. he is mean to me. i think this isn’t totally a delusion. i am back to two years ago, wanting someone who will just be nice to me, and then spiraling in guilt over how fucked up and horrible it is to demand that of someone. why do i need to be treated nice? why am i so sensitive?

my body and face situation is in crisis for me, the ants are back. and i assume he’s going to give me a hard time about these things. i can’t remember if he really is likely to or if it’s a paranoid delusion. i saw jamie today (big pregnant) and they were nice and it was nice. i had other interactions today that were difficult but i think logically they were nice. i don’t think anyone said anything out loud about my appearance. i was asked to talk and talked too much because i wasn’t prepared. i didn’t want to be there but i have been the only one working on it. so i have to speak more than i want to and feel punished. i don’t know how to prevent this except to remove myself from life. i assume hostility comes from the way that i look. in this case i know that can’t be true. i should not expose other people to a person who is thinking like this! i want only to be with the insane but nobody else is insane and trying to do what i am, both.

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

heya, i have a couple of questions about CN since i'm re-reading it for the nth time. like i kid you not, i have a week or two every month where i just gravitate towards both CN (and ITYSG too)

anyway, so question #1 is: is Ajax ever gonna meet the Tsaritsa or her equivalent in the new Teyvat since he changed history and stuff? like, would there be people whom he knew from Earth, like the other Harbingers, that he would eventually meet down the lane in the new Teyvat?

question #2: is he ever gonna meet himself since his ancestor is alive and thriving?

question #3: there was a part in the story where Aspasia and Crimson Thorn discussed the possibility of the people they lost due to the mutiny being able to reincarnate or be brought back to life since they would be retrieving Sophron from the Abyss. do you know if Basileios and the others they lost would be able to return? or if they would be lost forever?

sorry, i know this is a lot but i really just couldn't help myself whenever i re-read CN coz that fic of yours is just so awesome that re-reading it doesn't lessen its quality and it always feel like the first time, and loving them all over again

#1: no, because that would require for things to go exactly as they did in the og timeline, and not only is he trying to prevent that but he also sort of made it impossible for that to happen, what with celestia's turnover. the reason why he would be invested in bringing about the existence of other people (genshin's roster) is because at least there he has a through line to follow of possible ancestors and possible surnames. but for the people in his reality? not only does that require a catastrophe to shift who is alive where, but he also has no means of tracing back anyone's parentage beyond the tsaritsa, and even then that's not going to be easy. like- yeah the lack of archon war is going to make things complicated, but at that point in time most of everyone is staying in their own nations so it's not that hard to accomplish with enough planning. but on the other hand... #2: he's not going to meet himself for the same reasons as above. without celestia trying to thanos them, with the volchiy and zvezdochoty still alive as species and without the archon war to kill those who may have survived (nadezhda), it's more than likely that vephar's child will go on to marry and have kids with literally anyone else, now that they're not being persecuted and they have a family and someplace to stay n stuff like that. and the butterfly effect explodes after that. basically we have to assume that nobody who was in the arc beyond the second cryo archon is going to be born in this reality, and the same goes for most of everyone alive in-game atm (with the exception of the playable characters he'll manage to successfully bring about, for lack of a better expression) #3: i decided to leave that open and up for interpretation since it was no longer ajax' concern, but. i do like happy endings more than i do angst (if you'll believe that), so in my mind they were going to retrieve sophron and there would be a bit of a crisis in celestia as the energy imbalance settles (the three captains were linked to the island in a deeper level) and the next starfall (i think the reincarnation event was called that) comes around earlier than expected (like a week after sophron returns, immediately after the energy settles). so yeah, in my head, crimson thorn and aspasia would've gotten basileios back not long after returning to their teyvat, and it would've been a heartwrenching reunion.

[madiiscn]

🎈- A memory about a time they were safe and relaxed

"The only time I've ever really felt safe and relaxed, mostly, is while I've been spending time with Finn. There was a time when I sat with him on the beach after the Halloween party and even though the conversation was one of those deep and serious ones, I just felt... I don't know, like I could exist in that moment with him forever. Nothing else really mattered, except just the two of us.

I wasn't scared of not being enough, or completely on edge over the fear that I would be hurt again. He got me, he understood me, and he told me it was okay. Nobody's ever told me that before. I finally felt that I had found someone who... was some sort of twin flame, my other side of the coin.

I knew in that moment that I could tell him anything and everything, and I've never had a person I could do that with. Not even my best friends, I always keep my true feelings on serious matters close to my chest, locked away. But he's crafted a key, and I'm not mad about it.

It's one of the reasons I love him... or like him a lot. He never makes me feel bad about myself, and always validates how I'm feeling.

Maybe that night on the beach isn't the only time I've felt safe and relaxed. Maybe he's my safe space, and I just haven't noticed. You know, because I've been so relaxed."

@finn-brooks