#and no one wants to admit it
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uh oh. feelings again
#at this point Im just emotionally numb#and at the same time#TOO emotional yknow#it has been two months since things went to shit#and one of my dogs died#had to be reminded a week after when picking up his ashes#in what was really a huge blur of a week of grief#im still fucked up from that#i briefly got sick w covid after going to paramore#i say briefly bc symptoms are practically gone now atp#only one has still considered me a friend despite everything#i think it's finally just. over#and no one wants to admit it#one's probably cut me off for good#i honestly wouldnt be surprised if he did#p sure he's hated me for a while#and honestly? maybe i deserve it#but also what the fuck#i wanna feel hateful I really do#but i just dont have it in me#i just wanna let myself blackout or smth#never wake up yknow#... i dont know what to do anymore.#vent
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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"why should I get invested in shows if they'll just get canceled" I was deeply invested in Heroes (2006) and it was not canceled, it just got really terrible. I also got really invested in the sandwich I had a few weeks ago despite it only lasting like 15 minutes. You must embrace the ephemeral. You must be willing to love things that may not love you back, that might betray you, or that may die an untimely death. As the great philosopher Mr. Mitchell Lee Hedberg said "I'm not gonna stop doing something because of what happens at the end."
#now granted he did die of a drug overdose but you know. one can take the good lessons#anyway. point being i understand being deeply frustrated with the state of the tv and film.#but also we can admit that for every gem canceled there's like three real duds too#idk if you want something that's guaranteed to have a bunch of seasons and you know the ending for go watch shows from the 70s#the number of adults on this site who lack the emotional wherewithal to watch an ongoing narrative is. yikes.#queue
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she's so sick of him<3
#art#digital art#fanart#one piece#one piece fanart#comic#the stupidest thing i've ever drawn#but i thought it was funny so#sanji WOULD be more embarrassed to admit he wants to get gay married to zoro than admitting to reading p***#also pls tumblr don't flag this it's just a silly goof#zosan
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I refuse to change my headcanon that most of the other people at Canaan House probably thought Gideon was Harrow’s pretty boy toy until she showed them she could actually fight because she acted exactly nothing like a real Cav in anyway. A teenage ruler shows up with a hot butch that clearly isn’t trained to be a ninth Cav or even a normal-ish one? Come on. They probably thought griddlehark were over compensating trying to hide by staying away from each other. 
#the locked tomb#gideon nav#harrow nonagesimus#griddlehark#jokes on them#Harrow pretty much DID bring Gideon as a pretty boy toy#because she clearly barely understands just how good Gideon is with swords#like she openly admits that she’s surprised that Gideon is that good when they fight the bone monster thing#bitch why did you bring her then if you didn’t actually know she was one of the best swordswoman ever ?????#oh because you wanted her with you. gay bitch.
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FNAF 4 nightmares haunted all the Afton kids..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#evan afton#afton family#fnaf crying child#fredbear#nightmare fredbear#fnaf 4#fnaf fanart#NIGHTMARE FREDBEAR MENTIONED 🔥🔥🔥#I noticed I haven’t drawn Michael and CC alone in a comic together#wanted to change that to show off a bit of their dynamic#like any dysfunctional siblings I don’t think Michael was constantly awful to cc#they probably had moments of comfort in one another#Michael begrudgingly lets cc sleep in his bed tonight#seeing his father would get on his case if he doesn’t#but Michael is kinda glad he’s there too#he’s been having nightmares too but never admit that#he’s not just reassuring cc but himself too#nightmares haunt them both#an omen to what’s to come for them both#The Afton siblings make me so sniffle sob
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#10 second untagged shitposts will get 100k but the moment im pround of something no one gives a shit!! i dont suck that much at it!!#and i hate pointing it out because im not entitled to notes no one owes me anything#but man it sucks the life out of me every single time#i admit the last one i posted is kinda niche and messy but this happens with my better fanarts made of popular media too#my one drawing to get above 100 notes is a little kark@t doodle#for a while i refused to draw because i wanted aknowledgement for it. dont be like me kids. draw for the drawer#and also draw for your roommate whose eyes nearly pop out of their skull over the mildest body horror#augh i was so pround of the body horror one too but i had to delete that from here due to the 5 whole notes it got#my french teacher said it looked cool though so whose winning
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Day 12 Carousel
#dcatober24#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#dca fandom#dca moon#my art#I admit I love purple and orange and I will continue using them#This will be one of the pictures I want to go over again as soon as I have more time for it... I just know I could do more with it#but right now I don't have the energy to continue with it
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I hope you take this as the compliment it is intended to be, but you strike the same chord of irreverence-as-love, jokes-to-showcase-sencerity that I get from Chuck Tingle, and I adore both of you.
You have bestowed the greatest honour upon me.
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangij#wei wuxian#digital art#ask#Thank you very much; I do take it as the compliment you intended it to be B*)#Mr. Tingle is a legend in both grindset and vibes. To be even 0.1% striking a similar chord is an aspiration of mine.#I also want to honour the effort I put into this parody book cover. Which was a *lot* more than one would think.#Covers were analyzed. I did research and took notes. I learned how to download fonts. 4 different programs were used.#This file is also poster sized (A4 dimensions)! I thought It would make the joke funnier for some reason.#Chuck Tingle's style is very iconic and fun to replicate. Despite the time intensive labour - I had a blast making this!#I admit to skimming most of the chapter this is based off of just to fact check a few details but boy did I learn things.#Wei Wuxian canonically has CAKE. Tiny waist and a fat ass.#I took several more notes but I will warn you now that I can't *not* find smut writing to be very funny.#This was pure chaos. Unbridled chaos. WWX really did shove a sword up his ass to bully dream-LWJ.#The need to be a little shit trumps saftey I guess.#There is a 99.9% chance I will not cover the extras so this is likely all the fans of those chapters will get from PD-MDZS.
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my personal fave "luffy holds a mirror up to someone's soul" moments. aka the whole point i think
#guy who is really good at identifying the things you want but are too scared to admit to yourself. hi luffy#its literally the whole point though. i am so charmed by the he wont help until you ask thing. or until you say out loud what you want#ive been ticking them off in my head but i remember getting to sanji's in the anime like HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS#one piece#oh god now i have to tag every girl he did this to and sanji. he does ALSO do it to momonusuke but i didn't screen grab that#in a way. i think he does it to ace too but im not ready for that#monkey d. luffy#cat burglar nami#op nami#nico robin#op rebecca#op sanji#black leg sanji#nefertari vivi#alabasta#dressrosa#whole cake island#enies lobby#arlong park
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Taylor Swift really wrote an album with the thesis “a man who tells you he loves you and lives together with you in a committed relationship for six years but never ever proposes is essentially the same as a man who tells you he loves you to get you into bed and then ghosts you a couple weeks later”
#and she’s right#no one else would have the courage to say it#and the clarity of sight to MEAN it#like it’s not just a rhetorical device#and it’s not just her protecting joe#it’s that she really sincerely sees that what they did was exactly the same#even if the contemporary world wants to see a clear difference!#wants to be able to sort things out neatly into hookups and situationships and relationships and live-in partnerships#with different value markers assigned to each one#but once and for all Taylor looks at the relationship with the lowest possible value#and the highest one that most people recognize#and says ‘you’re exactly the same’#this is me admitting I need a music tag
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I've seen a lot of people writing Danny as a space ancient and Dan and Dani as ghosts with moon and sun cores, being sort of parts, versions of Danny and therefore weaker. Now, consider: Dan and Dani are both powerful ghosts with really cool cores and stuff but Danny is just some guy™
Dan, who came from an alternate timeline and is kind of from the future but also not, is Clockwork's apprentice and will eventually become an ancient of time. He probably only agreed to have some lessons with Clockwork to understand better what happened to him, but he enjoys his apprenticeship now.
Dani, with her love of travelling, loves seeing all the different places the world offers to her, and that includes space and different planets and maybe even parallel universes, and she accidentally ends up being an apprentice of the space ancient. For now she's probably a baby ancient of freedom or something like that, but she might become an ancient of space in the future.
We can also have something like Dan having a core of destruction or Dani being the Speed Force if you want it to be dcxdp, or any headcanon of yours about their cool powers.
And then there's Danny. And yeah, everyone knows that he's super powerful, but also he's just some guy.
It can go different routes. Does everyone know that Danny is just Danny? Or do they think that with siblings (well, technically a clone and an alternate version, but whatever) so powerful, he must be even stronger? Is Danny actually something terrifyingly eldritch and ancient and strong, almost a god, but he just doesn't know himself? Or is he just really some guy?
Now, because it's obvious that I have a dcxdp brainrot, have a regular "JL summons/meets a powerful ghost" but its Dan and Dani, and they keep mentioning their original/brother who won a fight against them at some point. The JL is very concerned about Dan and Dani's godlike powers, and they can't imagine what Danny is like. And then they meet him (in his human form), and it's just a young adult in casual clothes, very friendly and helpful, with no evident powers. Imagine the confusion. Imagine Dan and Dani, radiating power, in their eldritch ghost forms, admitting that fighting Danny for real is the dumbest thing to do and not even they would succeed... And then there's Danny is jeans and silly t-shirt, waving shyly.
#DO YOU SEE MY VISION#please#I'm not getting enough sleep#my brain is obsessed with weird stuff#I want Sam who barely looks human because she's one with nature#I want Tucker who looks regal and dangerous in his pharaoh clothes#I want Dan look like he can destruct the Earth with a wave of his hand#I want Dani who is everything there is in the world and you feel it in your bones#I want Jazz who sees your soul and your mind and you know it and there's nowhere to run#I want JL to meet all of them before meeting Danny#I want all of them to admit in their different ways that Danny is the greatest of them#I want JL to be VERY worried about meeting Danny#and then I want Danny to be as normal and friendly as possible#and I want him to treat all those eldritch creatures (his family and friends) as they're regular humans and nothing is weird about them#just hugs and love and praises#because it would cause so much confusion#this is NOT ghost king Danny#unless it is but he doesn't know (and either no one knows or no one told him because it's funnier this way and he's super oblivious)#dpxdc#dcxdp#dp x dc#dc x dp#DPxDC#DCxDP#danny phantom#isn't a crossover if you don't want it to be#could be any crossover if you do want it to be
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Eddie during a Q&A where he specially asked his fans to ask him questions about his marriage: Oh, just saw the question who proposed to who and-
Steve, loudly off-camera: I proposed to him and he said no!
Eddie: …first of all, you couldn’t even get gay married at the time. And second, I said no because I-
Steve: He said no because he wanted to propose to me and then DIDN’T
Eddie: I did!
Steve: A year later.
Eddie: I had to plan! I had to prep! I wasn’t going to halfass our gay fake wedding!
Eddie: And, just for your information, internet! He’s complaining and he’s making me look bad but do you know what he did? Do you know what he did the next day? I put together this beautiful ceremony with all our friends and family and you know what he did the very next day?
Eddie: He went to the courthouse and married a woman!
Steve: …Well that was for tax benefits
#Steve: Don’t let my marriage distract from you depriving me of having a fiancé! We could’ve been engaged#Steve: Twice you took that from me#Eddie: You were the one that wanted to go to the courthouse immediate once gay marriage was legalized and do the ceremony later#Steve’s been married twice but had never been engaged#I fully believe that if Steve proposed first Eddie would turn him down so he got to do it#He took a year to do it because he was touring and none of their friends were ever in town at the same time#and he’d never admit it but it was amusing to watch Steve’s standards for a proposal drop as time went on#one time Eddie got on his knee to pick up the toothpaste cap he dropped in the bathroom and Steve actually gasped#eddie munson tiktok saga#steve harrington#eddie munson
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i am literally on my KNEEEEEESSSSS. please please make more yandere hantengu clone art.. i don’t care if you don’t color it in or if it’s just a simple sketch PLEASE 😞
is the threat directed at you??? at others??? at something else??? do you even want to find out??? You'll probably be okay if you get back home before dark and make it up to him.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#yandere hantengu#hantengu#hantengu clones#Karaku#cloaked cult member#i can only do it one at a time with comic-ish art like this! i hope you enjoy a karaku!!#he was laying on your lap bc you said you were on your knees. heh. get it??#he likes playing around with you but carefully.. hes only really gentle with you. normally he likes to rough house#rough house = pulling on someone's arm until it fucking comes off#like aizetsu. i imagine he doesnt put up much of a fight if you go somewhere he cant. vague threats are sure to follow though.#He'll never admit it but a small part of him LOVES when you leave bc everyone knows thats when chaos strikes the hardest#And the prize at the end is you two together! so its always such a good time#also sorry if you wanted this sooner! im built like im 80. but tysm for ur patience!!!!!!!
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As promised, incredibly stupid s4-5 drawings
#i didn't sign the one I actually colored but it's fucking fine I guess I'll redraw it later anyways#I am never satisfied when I color my shit in fr#martin blackwood you are the realest of the fucking real for asking your man to eldritch-equivelent block someone cuz youre jealous#hate him all you want he's out here speaking the truth#he wants that twink obliterated because he's jealous and he is not ashamed to admit it!#i have so many thoughts and feelings about s5 so far that I must commit to paper hruyggnm#one of which being that Jon is wearing martins flannel in the fucking eminem pose I drew him in#it's the little things I say as I go ever so slightly more insane#my art#the magnus archives#tma season four#tma season 5#tma#tma spoilers#tma fanart#tma podcast#the magnus pod#martin blackwood#jonathan sims the archivist#jonathan sims#jon sims#god i hope those tags arent for the real ass dude#jonny why did you name the poor meow meow after youself man why#jonmartin#good god what is their ship name#jmart#tma jmart#jmart fanart#“ceaseless watcher. show me this guy's balls”#please do not do that I'm quoting a meme
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9-1-1 OLIVER STARK as Evan 'Buck' Buckley -> shift in his facial expressions as warning signs
(thank you @911bts for the screenshot 💕)
#911#911edit#evan buckley#evanbuckleyedit#megan west#911verse#tvedit#cinematv#sophgifs#psa: i know you guys love to tussle but this isn't anti anything so let's put the weapons down#i've wanted to do this set since may and i held off on it because i didn't want to go ten foot pole near that discourse#at heart i am just a gifmaker who loves analysing facial expressions as a form of storytelling that's all.#but i admit i was surprised at the amount of people saying there were no signs when to me this was always the biggest one in both cases.
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