#and no i will not give her sympathy
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My mom with one illness: Oh no, I can't do anything anymore. This is so terrible. My life is over.
Me with 19 illnesses still chugging along: 🫤😐
#not to brag but...#jk jk i wish my number of illnesses was lower#personal#my mom#and no i will not give her sympathy#because she doesn't grant me any#and it's always about her illness#and it's all about her#like no why can't it be about me sometimes too?
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another huge crime of the show is making cers give birth to a child from robert who died in a fever right away like some tragedy instead of what actually happened which was cersei and jaime gleefully aborting that thing
#lenas acting in the scene is gr8 tho#like first of all cers doesnt want kids from her rapist and its her way of demonstrating her agency stfu#like shes not gonna perform that function shes rebelling w the affair and not giving that cuck children#and heirs#LET HER ABORT THAT THANG#like if that boy survived she shouldve strangled it w a pillow herself ill b fr#ig i am sort of frustrated w this trend of woman evil but not w her children that keeps happening like alright idc give them other things#u can make ppl feel sympathy for cersei in a plethora of ways
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I want to try to draw every moment with Felix in the show, but in my style. And first we have the first meeting of Feligami.
I wish they had more interaction before Felix finds out she's a sentimonster too.
#could give hints that Felix is not indifferent to Kagami#for example in the episode “Felix” Felix could have seen Kagami’s video and would not have made rude comments like he did to the others#I would like to see how Felix tried to hide his sympathy for Kagami and only after the episode of “emotion” he wanted to meet her#miraculous ladybug#miraculous fanart#mlb fanart#felix fathom#felix graham de vanily#kagami tsurugi#feligami
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Those are absolutely two of my favorite pictures of Elvis. Of course I like the details and all the info I can get on the pictures. One thing I have to say is that in that moment Elvis was in his 7th season at the International Hotel in Las Vegas (August 4th - September 4th 1972), and it was the first time he brought Linda Thompson to accompany him during the concerts (prior to that she had only accompanied Elvis during rehearsals in July). You can imagine how jealous I am of her because, well, just look at Elvis! 🫠🥲 Anyway, here's a little story about the fans with Elvis in those pictures:
Las Vegas, NV. Monday, August 28, 1972. Elvis with two Italian fans. The woman is Nicla Crippa and the man was the President of the Italian fan club, his name is Livio Monari. Livio Monari started the Italian FC in 1962. Together with Nicla Crippa, a personal friend and member of his Fan Club, they met Elvis just after the Midnight show on 26th August 1972. Photos taken that day didn't come out, so they asked to see Elvis again... to have new ones taken on the 28th August (2nd meeting) which are the ones shown above. They had just attended the Dinner & Midnight shows on the 28th Aug: when a waiter approached them - that Elvis was waiting for them.
Nicla said the following about the meeting:
1972 was a special year for me, I picked up all my saving of a year and together with Livio Monari at that time president of the E.P.F.C. of Italy, I flew to Las Vegas in August to see Elvis performing. When we arrived we were so excited that we started immediately to ask anybody of Elvis entourage if we could meet Elvis, crook Col. Parker was at a gambling table with his cigar and he said very rude "NO, you cannot met Elvis", then Joe Esposito who said No too, and when I told him "Hey Joe you are Italian like us" he answered "I'm not Italian, I was born in Chicago" very rude too... until I saw the name of Emilio Muscelli on an office door, I knocked and entered and I said with all my 18 years old enthusiasm (in fact I was not yet 18, I would have turned 18 on December 30) "Hi Emilio, we are Italians and we are here to see Elvis concerts and meet him"... well he took it good to his heart and from that point on he treated me like his daughter - he was 50 years old. We saw 14 concerts in 7 days and we met Elvis TWICE, the first time on August 26 but the pictures Joe Esposito took with Livio's camera did not come out as Livio due the emotion charged an already used film in the camera... the second time on August 28, this time we called a professional photographer to take the 2 pictures to be sure. When I saw Elvis the first time coming out of his dressing room I ran towards him and I almost jumped on him, I hugged and kissed him and he returned the hugs and kisses to me and he asked me "Hey baby how old are you" I answered "18" and he said "And you came all the way from Italy just to see me?" "Yes Elvis" and he "Oh baby..." and he hugged me again very tight. We stayed with him for 15 minutes, we gave him a trophy we brought from Italy unfortunately we have no picture of Elvis with our trophy but I saw it at Graceland Trophy Room in 1987. He wrote a dedication to me, and one to Livio, on 2 LPs we brought with us, he gave us a yellow scarf each, but especially I held his right hand in my hands for a long time, and he did not withdraw it, on the contrary he caressed my hands. He was such a gentle, sweet and tender person, he made us feel at ease and he slowed down speaking English as at that time I could not speak English well. We asked "when will you come to Europe?" he said looking at Joe "I definitely wanna go, after a project I have for January 1973 (Aloha from Hawaii) I'll ask Parker to organize a tour to Europe". The night after Emilio gave us seats in the first row, Elvis saw me from stage and he stooped down and he put a red scarf around my neck... and on August 28 we met him again same place backstage and he said "Hey you are still here, good", he had such a sense of humour. Those 2 meetings with Elvis still are the best moments of my life!
Credits: elvis-collectors.com
#first if all... elvis slowing down his talk so the italian fans could understand him better? that's so fucking thoughtful and adorable!#i wonder how many huge stars as himself - even common american citizens - would do something like that...#a very welcoming and warm way to treat foreigners#secondly... i have to say i do not like how colonel parker and even joe esposito were not that friendly towards those two elvis fans...#i know they couldn't possibly allow every and each fan to meet elvis but why be so cold - specially knowing how elvis wouldn't like that?#we all know how parker was not often friendly but joe is one of the memphis mafia guys i don't have much sympathy for#joe just gives me that 'i'm a big shot' energy... like 'i'm better than you' vibes just bc he was elvis' close friend and road manager#i may be wrong about him... didn't know the guy obviously... but little i've read of other MM guys talking about joe some said exactly that#on the other hand lisa marie said joe was always nice to her - a little strict and not afraid to say no to her as a child but a good person#but lisa was elvis' daughter so of course joe would be the nicest to her#don't know... it doesn't make joe a bad person at all... i just don't understand how someone close to elvis could be smug#does anyone else shares the same views on joe esposito or know something that shows i'm wrong?#i want to be wrong at this assumption but i do not like joe very much so far... i'm still trying to figure him out#elvis presley#elvis history#elvis fans#elvis fandom#elvis concerts#las vegas#nevada#august 1972#elvis#70s elvis#1972#elvis the king
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mtf omega stevie where everyone's like why bother transitioning you've already got the vagina and the uterus and everything. but stevies like listen. it's the principle of the thing. also sue me for wanting big naturals
meanwhile alpha eddie's losing his mind bc estrogen makes stevie smell so much sweeter, like honey and caramel, and he's trying not to be a total knothead about it but the 'big naturals' are. ho boy. they're there alright. and stevie already had 'childbearing hips' according to her mother, but the fat redistribution has basically turned her into some kind of fertility goddess, and eddie is so ready to get started on those six nuggets
#they actually end up having like. seven kids. and everyone is like oh poor stevie her alpha can't keep it in his pants#little do they know basically the second she recovers from labour she's giving eddie The Eyes#poor bastard can't say no to her she's so beautiful all knocked up#steddie#transfem steve harrington#steve harrington#eddie munson#abo#honestly transfem omega seems like a cop out cisswap and i don't really like doing those#but i also have a deep sympathy for stevies breeding kink and i need her to get pregnant SOMEHOW#ooh mtf ALPHA stevie who's doing hrt and now needs to get bitched#oho. ohohoho
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Does Janeys know that Brakul has a wife and son? How would he react if he learned?
He actually does know and has known pretty much from the beginning.
Early on in his stint as a POW turned mercenary, Brakul would repeatedly invoke his wife and son as reasons he could or could not do certain things + to insult Janeys like 'okay but some of us have actual, tangible responsibilities in this world and people who depend on them. Like my wife and son, who I will be returning to immediately when my contract is over. You're never going to see me again. On account of my wife and son.'
When he started actually Liking Janeys and wanting to be with him, and seeing a chance to Avoid All Consequences And Never Go Back Home, he gradually reversed course (and attempted to rationalize it to himself) like "Ahhh they'll be fine. I mean everyone probably thinks I'm dead and/or an oathbreaker anyway so Sirudan's gotta be remarried by now. My brother probably got in on that, and he really has his shit together so they're in good hands. Honestly it will be worse for them if I go back. They're better off without me. They're fine. It's not a big deal. I'm soooooo single and unattached btw" And Janeys was like "Okay. Yay."
13 years down the line Janeys almost never thinks about it and when he occasionally remembers it's like
He does not give a shitttt about the wife/child abandonment angle whatsoever, but he's aware that Brakul still has some attachment to them and regrets over skipping out, and he's kind of insecure about it. The concept of Brakul having a child out there completely independent of their whole Thing also makes him uncomfortable in ways he can't really put his finger on. He's not actually scared that Brakul will return to his ex-wife though, like even with all his profound insecurities and abandonment issues he knows there's not a chance in hell that he's gonna actually attempt to make amends. Bottom line is he doesn't like to think about it, and mostly doesn't have to.
#Hibrides found out about his Abandoned Wife And Child while she was first pregnant and after their relationship had begun to sour#and Will Not let him forget it#She doesn't honestly give a shit about them either it's not really out of concern for the people he left behind but#more a way of Very directly confronting his avoidant tendencies (and also just an easy way to emotionally wound him)#Like she sees him as someone who will do everything in his power to avoid discomfort and the consequences of his choices and#then has the audacity to whine and mope about how guilty he feels. And then will make excuses if confronted.#And Janeys coddles and enables him like 90% of the time so he just keeps doing it. Which is absolutely infuriating to her.#(Her perception is pretty spot on btw it's just Occasionally applied unfairly to situations where he was actually a victim)#So being like 'hey how about the wife and child you abandoned huh. You gonna do that again when things get uncomfy?' gets#through to him. And making him actually acknowledge it or at least feel really fucking bad about it is like. emotionally satisfying#I want to be clear that she has the least control of her circumstances of the three and the vast majority of my authorial#sympathies but I just didn't want to write her as an absolute righteous perfect perma-victim.#So when I describe her doing stuff out of vindictiveness or occasional straight up cruelty it's not like 'she is a bitch' I just want#her to be like. a full human being who shouldn't have to be 100% innocent and devoid of malice in her circumstances to be#sympathetic.#Which I think Should be clear but the whole situation is one that like. In a fandom context would ABSOLUTELY get warped into#her being an Unsympathetic Mean Bitch while her associated gayboys get to be Sympathetic And Nuanced
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prayer circle for Acosta to die in the next three episodes who’s with me 🙏
#from mgm#at first i was like ok she’s in a tough spot and keeps running into people during the worst moments possible#but when she did her stupid fucking I Am An Officer speech to Boyd i was like okay. you can be left outside during the nighttime#cowboy and the milkman can give you a good old fashioned fromville welcome#we’ll see if she pulls a jade or randall but right now my sympathy levels are very low
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Lucifer is a UWU Misunderstood Baby Victim now? And why is Adam a big shot in Heaven?? He's the "Original Sinner." This show is moronic, it's like being in Hell just watching it! 😒
#I've also heard that the show's creator is a generally really shitty person?#(I mean NO SURPRISE THERE — she's giving sympathy to Satan and demons and vilifying Heaven ffs!)#But I just read that she's lesphobic and fetishizes trans men and treats her employees like shit.#anti hazbin hotel#anti vivziepop#txt
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I went on tiktok to just watch some silly Odysseus videos but then I mostly saw people going like "Yeah, maybe Odysseus cried on Calypso' island every day but honestly he had that coming after what he did Achilles and Patroclous/Circe!!!" and "Everything that happens in Odyssey is deserved cuz he took Patrochilles to war!!!" and "I feel so bad for Circe and Calypso and Penelope, they deserved better!!!"
For fucks sake I beg you, read anything different from Millers bs and like educate yourself- And please stop goddamn saying that rape victim. deserved it.
Circe probably didn't give a flying fuck, Calypso is a rapist and abuser and Penelope deserved everything she wanted and SHE WANTED ODYSSEUS
I think I've had enough internet for today, imma go wash my eyes with bleach. Anyways sorry for ranting here, i hope you don't mind it lmao
It's alright. I absolutely understand the vents about the whole thing. :'D No one deserves to be a victim of such a thing no matter WHAT they've done. I hope your eyes are okay after the bleach
Like Odysseus does so many fucked up things but Calypso and Circe? He is the victim. Period. It's very clear that Odysseus is in extreme distress on Ogygia. And Circe wasn't some sort of FwB situation. There's fear and numbness in the language he uses when talking about it. There's so much victim blaming and it SUCKS.
Even then, Odysseus' journey was kind of about "temptation" or just straight up "Die or get out of my sea." From Poseidon. "I don't want you in my waters so I'm gonna try and give you things that will keep you on land or just kill you."
Immortal goddesses wanting you would be many people's dream come true but not for Odysseus. And I think that's the point. His determination, how he clawed his way back into the arms he never wanted to leave in the first place, is incredible. Many people would've given up and just started a new life but he never would because no life he could ever create would compare to the life he had before. Even if it's different, it's what he's always wanted.
He literally tells Calypso "I'm not stopping until I'm home. I don't care if I suffer more until I do. I'm going home."
“Mighty goddess, do not be angry with me over this. I myself know very well Penelope, although intelligent, is not your match to look at, not in stature or in beauty. But she’s a human being and you’re a god. You’ll never die or age. But still I wish, every moment to get back to my home, to see the day of my return. And so, even if out there on the wine-dark sea some god breaks me apart, I will go on— the heart here in my chest is quite prepared to bear affliction. I’ve already had so many troubles, and I’ve worked so hard through waves and warfare. Let what’s yet to come be added in with those.”
(Book 5, Johnston)
Circe's a goddess and what happened is nothing like Dionysus and Ariadne and Apollo and Hyacinthus for example. Circe never gave Odysseus a crown of stars and he would never go out of his way to kill 120 people for bothering her. They did not love each other and he can't refuse as she's a goddess.
If you interpret them sleeping together the entire year,(It's only explicitly said that they had sex once so that's what I go with personally.) that doesn't mean he was happy with it! Even then, the whole situation is not what a healthy FwB should look like! I'm asexual and even I know that no one in a FwB situation should have to BEG in any way that basically says "Please let me go or kill me" with supplication!!! The fact that he leaves so quickly he forgets one of his men? The fact that during Elpenor's funeral, he doesn't greet Circe himself? He was avoiding her. Wouldn't he want to get "one last night together" during Book 12 if they were fwb? 🙄
It's bonkers to me that people hate him for being a "cheater" when A.) having multiple lovers wasn't uncommon in Ancient Greece, and B.) the two people he is explicitly said to have "cheated" with, weren't his choice. He wasn't actively searching for pretty women either!!!
As mentioned, while it was common for men to have many lovers, Odysseus never had any listed unlike some of the other men. (not bashing any of them. I'm just making a point in comparison.) He also has no other children besides Telemachus in Homer's works. There's no evidence of him having other lovers other than speculation. (funny enough, I once read somewhere that the reason why Odysseus is so mean is because he doesn't "bond" enough with the other soldiers. 😂)
Does that mean he didn't have other lovers? Technically, Nope! It's just never explicitly stated either way. He has slaves but none were ever said to be concubines or that he sleeps with them. He has deep bonds with his fellow soldiers but that doesn't mean he sleeps with them. That doesn't mean people can't write or talk about him doing so even though it's not mentioned! Just like it also means that someone can write him not doing so as there's nothing that says it either way in Homer's Works! :D
It's fucked up when people say "He didn't try to leave Calypso enough" or something of the like. It just tells you how A.) they didn't read the Odyssey or have piss on the poor reading comprehension or B.) ...you should probably stay away from that person...
With Circe though??? I can understand the confusion but digging deeper and looking at the text, he wasn't having a good time. Or at the very least was walking on Eggshells the whole time. I hate bringing up that essay over and over again but like...I literally wrote everything there.
I also don't like how people take Circe's morally gray-ness away from her. Let her do something fucked up to be fucked up!!! Let her traumatize Odysseus!
Idk, I kind of hate that I'm "known" for this but I relate to this idiot asshole a lot and it means a lot to me that his story, despite what happens to him, has a happy ending :'D
#Thank goodness I don't have tiktok >:)#I wish there was a way to like. have anonymous posts? because I made that PTSD post to show how him refusing to be bathed#by Nausica's maids and him choking Euryclea and was giving reference to make a point but I wish I wasn't like. Known for this???#but like... I HAVE something to say. Having specific knowledge of some things just...really makes it clear in what happened that I don't#think others have considered.#And I was afraid if I was “vague” then people would say “You're just saying that to get sympathy points” and I didn't want to deal with#that :'D plus like in his outbursts I saw myself you know?#I just kept thinking “oh shit. I KNOW what you're doing because I did it too aAAAAAHHHHHHHHh”#I relate to Helen too but in a way. The Odyssey shows her “HEALED” (which fuck yeah!!! YESSS!!!😭) it doesn't show the#PTSD in the same way as she's had many years to recover. Watching it happen in “real time” for Odysseus was...really nice.#i said it before but the Odyssey feels REAL compared to the “girlboss queen slay” shit. Him tryiing to force himself into normalcy#only to act out is...yeah.#save me morally gray circe#ask#anon#Mad rambles#tw sa#tw ptsd#tw sex assault#anti madeline miller#anti circe#essay
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Marisha's comment about how Relvin is one of those parents who ended up with a child they didn't know what to do with really gets to the heart of it, i think, and is such a good way to tie the fantasy element of Imogen's powers into things more tangible. because there are really a lot of parents like Relvin in real life, who have a child with the person they're happily married to and never expect to be left alone with the kid. or who expect a ""normal"" (read: cisgender and heterosexual, able-bodied, relatively neurotypical and obedient, etc.) child and end up with one who's ""difficult"", who demands more or different of them than what they believe they signed up for. and that's not entirely entitlement on a parent's part- many cultures' common frameworks of parenthood and child-rearing do not include space for these children. it makes sense that Relvin was unprepared. raising any child is difficult, and raising a child whose needs you were never taught how to accommodate, who the world is so cruel to, is even more challenging.
and yet. and yet, the person who bears the brunt of the harm in these situations will always be the child. they're the ones who have to live every moment of how the world treats them, without the support that their parent is supposed to provide them. and when asked to care for his child even when she turned out to be ""difficult"", Relvin couldn't. for entirely sympathetic reasons, of course. he tried, in his own way. i don't think he's a bad guy. but he's let his own broken heart bleed onto his daughter. he hasn't been able to give her much else.
#imogen temult#critical role#cr#cr3#like it's really sad what happened to relvin we all know this. but seeing how dani scrambled over herself last night#to clarify that she DOESN'T think relvin is an awful person just bc she thinks he's a shitty dad made me feel for her so much bc like.#sometimes the Posts. about him. feel a little “why do bash dead beat dads but never question if the kid has bad vibes.” so.#especially in comparison to liliana who is 1. worse than relvin 2. still sympathetic 3. more interesting to a nearly comical degree#and while he gets so much sympathy On Here ppl mostly post abt her to wish for her death or call her a bitch. so!#parenting talk is a minefield bc some ppl resent the idea that a child deserves anything more from a parent than basic needs being met#and refuse to include emotional needs among them. so like idk if that's your thing i don't rlly give a shit man#crposting#cr meta
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So let me get this straight.
The fandom is willing to forgive Portia, who has been abusing her daughters and everyone who comes into her hom? The woman who lied to convince Marina she as unwanted by the man she loves, and slapped her for not wanting to marry a man who could be her grandfather? Who added unnecessary trauma onto her because she didn't like her, othering her the moment she showed up?
The mother who had Prudences corset pulled so tight she fainted? Who used Penelope as the family punching bag, and told her Colin is as much her friend as she was Catherine the Great? Who is constantly verbally abusive and pitting her children against each other to make them earn her love? Who was willing to ruin her childs reputation in order to keep control over her household? Who didn't explain sex to Phillipa which if not for Albion being a good man besotted with his wife could have lead to an incredibly traumatic experience?
We're forgiving her and not Cressida?
Cressida who is being abused by her parents, who was raised in a way that would insure she self isolated from her peers? The girl, only 20 years old, being told shes going to marry a man 3x her age, and that shes no longer allowed to wear color or fun fashions? Wouldn't be allowed to go to more than one social event a month? Denied access to arts and music becaue they're vulgar, and expected to endure him using her body for 4-5 children?
I'm meant to be mad about what she does in desperation to get out of this situation, and I'm meant to celebrate Eloise dropping her and talking poorly about her, despite the fact that Cressida was growing and trying to be better because she viewed Eloise as a friend she cared for and waned to keep? I'm meant to find it fair that shes being sent to live with her equally abusive and controlling aunt, far away from everything and everyone she knows?
Y'all have me absolutely fucked up if you think thats happening
#rainy talks#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#cressida cowper#anti portia featherington#this fandoms willingness to forgive abusers and vilify victims is CRAZYYY#Portia gives a bit of her backstory and suddenly her abuse towards her daughtersno longer exists#and her general cruelty is forgiven#but cressida “should have grown out of it by now” and “has the freedom to not be like this”#Portia is a grown adult andbeing yelled at by Colin-a man like 20 years younger than her- shouldn't have been her wakeup call#Portia ACTUALLY has the freedom to act with kindness but never has#meanwhile Cressida still lives with her abusers who have called her ugly in s1#stupid this seaon; who have forbid her from having a friend that cares enough to actually visit her#and have been beating in the idea that the only person she can trust is herself whilst making her doubt herself all the sam#sorry not sorry but i have WAY more sympathy for Cressida#she deserved better
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As promised, your daily dose of Thanks, I Hate It! Tadpoled Isobel dialogue, stitched together from some 20-odd lines that were present in the penultimate EA patch. The only remnants of this in the final game are what you can see in this scene, as you can't actually find abducted Isobel in Moonrise until you get to the basement boss fight.
I'm really quite glad to see you again. I had no idea you and my father were on the same side before, nor that I'd been such a fool to resist. I'm certain you don't want to get into it now, not when you're about to hear the voice of the Absolute! My mother died when I was very small, but Papa and I made a good life together. I grew up in the village below here, a place built by Thorms with aunties and uncles and cousins down every laneway. Then I… died… somehow. I'm still fuzzy on the details, but there's a great gap. And darkness. My father worked tirelessly to bring me back, to reunite us. When he finally succeeded, I was terrified. I had no way to understand, and it felt so sudden, like being locked inside a bright, hot room after years of darkness. And Papa had changed. There was no denying that. I fled from him, set up camp in the inn, met Jaheira, met you. I've had a chance to think now, to understand what my father did and why. Now I'm just grateful to him. To the Absolute. To you. To life itself! I admit, I didn't think second chances like this were possible. But with the Absolute, none of the old rules apply. I have my father and the love of a god who really, really listens. I didn't know it was possible. The moon is very distant, very high, and she only shows her face in the cold of night. The Absolute has shown me the kind of presence, the kind of love I didn't know I deserved. Not only that, I didn't know I could be so happy. He brought me back through the power of the Absolute. You should know that already. I believe it was she [Selûne] who abandoned me. And yourself, too. Whatever are you talking about? You've done everything right. Enjoy it. Whatever that means. What are you dilly-dallying here for? The Absolute is waiting for you, you know! I wish you luck. The very best of it. Go on, shoo! The Absolute is waiting.
Congrats to Mia Foo for freaking me out with this delivery, especially that disturbingly bright and cheerful voice that just sounds so wrong.
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#isobel thorm#voice lines#datamine#early access#i remember when i first saw a clip of Bad End Isobel somewhere and the final molecule of my sympathy for KT just evaporated instantly#it all gives me '1950 icepick lobotomy for my unruly daughter' vibes and i am NOT here for it#i wish it were possible to save tadpoled isobel and have her join the tadpole gang for the rest of the quest
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f Narrator wanting to murder maim mutilate m marla.. or marla/ male marla and narrator/f narrator worsties/besties. or marla/male marla and tyler… or anything with marla/ male marla..
Marlon called me, interrupted me at work, and he said he had a bruise. He said I needed to come and look at it right away, because he needed to know.
This was him, asking me, pounded flank steak, to look and tell him the nature of his bruise.
Marlon hasn't had health insurance in years, so he tries not to think about it, usually. It's easy, since there's no difference when you have health insurance. It's old hat.
But today, he thought about it.
And he noticed a bruise.
So I'm walking up to the Regent hotel after work, and he's in the lobby in his limp little tank top. He'd call it a wifebeater and imagine himself in place of the wife, I'm sure. I wonder if he isn't cold all the time. Mr. Marlon Singer, such a masochist just so he can show off his skeletal body with all the cigarette burns I have to hear him and Tyler laughing over.
I am Jane's abnormal hemorrhoid development.
He doesn't mention what Tyler and I stole from him, even though I think it was all the cash he had. Even though just three days ago he tried to chase me around the house and beat me with a broom. He made me and Tyler go sleep in the junkyard. Buried under our furs, howling at the moon. Maybe I can't fault him for that.
He couldn't keep it here where the guys he brings back could get at it, he said, and sure. But he should've known better than to tell Tyler about it, because now it's bags upon bags of lye being kept in the driest room in the house.
I work on grinding cracks into my remaining teeth as he grabs his neighbors Agatha and Dianne's Meals on Wheels kits. The delivery lady remarks on what a good young man Marlon must be, helping out these old ladies. Oh, yeah. A real, upstanding, mummified rat of a man. Maybe he helped them into the ditch. He yaps at me the entire walk up to his room, and I don't hear a word as I methodically rip up the skin around Tyler's kiss on my hand with a broken nail. It's been infected since Tuesday, and the ring of puffy red flesh makes the ghost of her lips white like the center of a neon tube. Always buzzing.
We get to his room, he says to me, "One of these boxes is for you, you know."
I think about all the women who bother to use what little time they have to operate charities that keep the poor and destitute alive enough to want to kill themselves. All that time spent cooking mac and cheese en masse and putting little packets of powdered milk next to little cartons of the liquid, like they get at schools and prisons, packets that can only be opened by the nimble fingers of caring relatives these elderly recipients do not have.
Sure.
Tyler told me I need to be eating at least two meals a day, or she'd steal a blender and make me drink raw chicken. So I eat the Meals on Wheels box. Sorry Agatha. I rip open the powdered milk packet, dump it into the carton, hold it closed, and shake it. Twice the calories. A recipe for palliative care.
Marlon's sitting there, quiet, eating Dianne's latest last meal. All the urgency is gone. Sucked dry. He's got pallor like a hospice heart failure. When dogs get treated for heartworms, the worms die, and sometimes, not all of them break apart. Sometimes, there will be thin, dead cords of necrotized nematode strung through their heart waiting for the right beat to fall apart and clot a vital artery. This can take years to happen. Your pet recovers perfectly from treatment until seven years down the line, you give it a doggy cupcake and a pulmonary embolism for its tenth birthday.
Marlon looks like he's had his first melarsomine injection and his owner is thinking about taking him to a dog park instead of bothering with the second. If you let a dog get its heart rate up too high when getting treated for all the parasites you let grow in it, its heart will explode. Or all the worms will clog its lungs. Whichever one it is, it's happening to Marlon here in this room. On this bed.
He says he'd found a bruise, a while back. A nasty little thing, like the crush of a plum under your thumb. Near one of his ankles. And Marlon Singer knew he couldn't afford any novel treatments, and he'd seen too many people rot from the inside out from them already. He did not go to the clinic down the street that gets its windows broken in often enough that there's just big black billowing sails of trashbags over their storefront more often than not. Marlon says he once saw a rat nailed to the door, which is something you'd think would be too neat and poetic for real life. He didn't go to the clinic because he didn't have to. And maybe if he was fucking guys he wanted to he would be a bit more cautious, but the men Marlon Singer gets to fuck are the type to have given him those bruises in the first place. They're the reason there's single mothers visiting that clinic, like half melted wax getting scraped out of the picture. He says he shouldn't feel guilty.
I tell Marlon about where I got the idea for poisoning all the food at the Pressman hotel.
He asks me what I mean by that, and I tell him about my first boss at the company I work for now.
When I first started there, I was selling our cars to companies. Bulk orders for work vehicles. My job was to not fuck up any contracts we already had. Marlon is probably aware, but the type of man involved in that sort of thing, he knows he's got you on a collar and chain. You and him both know he'll be renewing the contract, but you have to do the song and dance for him. Pretend you like how close he gets to you. Pretend you don't want to rip his testicles from his ballsack when he leans in sweaty and tells you how he likes your hair, did you go and do all that just for me?
Because he knows. And you know. But enduring this is what you were hired to do. If you were a man, you would've been hired to create a sense of the old boys club with this guy. But you're not.
There is so much pretense in the world.
Anyway, my first boss, call him Joe — whenever I'd return from those trips and dinners, Joe wouldn't pretend that it wasn't a shit job. He'd commiserate and wish me luck with the next one. He didn't overstep, he wasn't creepy, he kept his distance. The best you could hope for. Thirty days on the job, they asked me how I was doing, and I told them I was doing great. The job was amazing, I felt embraced by the company, my boss was great. One of those things was true to me.
And when Joe got his promotion, for being such a great regional manager, he cornered me in my cubicle and informed me he'd been jerking off into my nicely labeled thin salad lunches each time they showed up in the office fridge. He told me this with the same smile he'd always worn.
Marlon, he's next to me, and he leans closer like we're having a nice little confession. My skin itches.
It was before the 90 day clause kicked in my health coverage, so I had to wait at one of those free clinics like Marlon's, and I was surrounded by a lot of young men, wispy mangled pears. What little flesh was left was soft. When I told the nurse what happened, I watched myself die in her eyes. Dappling up with rashes and bruises until I was all painted and sunken like a bog body.
For the longest time, I wondered if I'd become the oral Mary. How many times I vomited in that office toilet, I don't know. I stopped bringing lunch.
The thing is, I couldn't see it in his face. Joe's, I mean. Not even when he told me. I couldn't see it in anyone. So I stopped eating out. Stopped eating altogether, really.
Marlon, his response was to go to the support groups. His tragedy was that it was a slow death, coming for him. Best to wriggle into the pile of dying bodies, see what it's like. Maybe that could muster enough suicidal impulse.
I tell Marlon, of course, I couldn't go to HR. I was a new hire with no evidence and previous record of liking my boss. I didn't want to tell my mom. I didn't want her to know. Those uncomfortable dinners became absolutely, wretchedly unbearable as I thought about the food I was being forced to share.
When the option came up for a dead end job in the least loved department in the building, I put on the best performance of my life to get the part. Best aspiring Compliance and Liability head and sole department employee, that's me. My new job was to keep secrets. It was, already, old hat.
For months I thought about waking up from a narcoleptic fit at my desk, with Joe leaning over the cubicle wall and asking if I was alright. I watched my stomach like it was nuclear. Every extra second it took until I bled like usual slid me closer to buying myself a shotgun and pumping a slug or two into my brain.
It's an unavoidable fear, I tell Marlon. You can't do anything about it. Once you know, you know. At some point, you have to find the peace in it. Imagine yourself, a balloon popping with meaty chunks flying apart, splattering onlookers and raining viscera.
For a month, six months, I had cancer. Worse than cancer. Every time I eat out, I get it again.
Marlon is looking at me, melting stained glass, drowning in that sort of shared pity you build together with someone who's dying.
I don't want Marlon to feel guilty.
I tell Marlon, that's why I poison the food at the Pressman hotel. Someone's got to do it. Blood in the tomato sauce, spit on the steak. Imagine what you could do to a soup. The men who go to the Pressman hotel, they're the kind that leave Marlon bloody and walking around Paper Street calling for Tyler to come out and burn more holes into him. They're the kind that get promoted from regional manager. They're the kind that lean in close, pull your wrist towards them, and say there's one way they know you could secure the contract renewal. The kind that almost ruin it in a temper tantrum when you don't, resulting in an upper management intervention on the 24th day of your new job. They're the kind that hear that shit and say you should've been more appeasing. More polite.
Don't feel guilty, Marlon.
I hope all of them rot so everyone can see the maggots eating their insides.
Marlon isn't smiling. I am unavoidably bad at distracting him. There's something final in it, when he sighs, and takes off his tank top. He says it's on his back, and I should just tell him.
I look. I see it. Black hole, botfly, necrosis. There's so many things these broken blood vessels could be. Withering, snapping apart like mummified heartworms. I imagine driving the two inch melarsomine needle deep into the muscles bunched upon his spine.
I look.
I press my hands into him, and I grip like I'm trying to rend my fingers through his skin, deep into his body cavity to rip out his guts. Like I'm trying to grab the rope of his small intestine and strangle him with it. Marlon's yelling at me and trying to hit me, arms flapping like a chicken, and I am bruising ten deep circles into the soft pearskin of his abdomen. It's the only place left on him that's mealy, that isn't frayed rope under worn out leather.
I tell him, you've got bruises. They look mostly normal, to me.
Don't worry too much about it.
And Marlon, he leans into me, and I let him.
#asks#fight club#female fight club au#my writing#obv directly in parallel to the book chapter#this has been sort of floating in my head#in the book its probably the most caring moment the narrator has for marla#and i think that is the same here actually#its just female narrator off the charts detestes marlon more in the first place. puts all her sense of sympathy and shared solidarity into#Tyler. but. yeah#anyway made marlon's life absolutely miserable#and the narrators#i actually went back and forth on that#i dont want to... necessarily... give her Solid Reasons in a way male narrator doesnt have#but its sort of inescapable that fucked up misogynistic shit would happen#and i was thinking how to resolves the food contamination question in my head#hard to explain#inherently more horrible shit will happen to her than male narrator#but not excessively and i want it to feed into the same issues. in this case her complete subjugation in the office and inability to freely#reject the horrific shit shes forced to play along with#resulting in her doing the same to the fat cats rolling by#anyway#she does care about marlon#its complicated
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I feel like to describe Steven's shows as him flaunting wealth and eating gold from the bussoms of royalty is quite a dishonest summarization and transparent way to not even try an understand what the fuck the show is. Its a show about sharing and partaking in different cultures lmao. Like, you know there are classes in college for that right? Literally just exposing you to different cuisines and culture's? Thats Steven's show and I don't see the ethical problem in budgeting money to do so, if you want to watch that sort of entertainment (i do! I do! I do. You don't that okay). He's always been about connecting with others and sharing life experiences. Yea he owns a Tesla, lame shit not gonna lie but I'm not a wimp and I'd say that to anyone with a Tesla, even Steven. So yeah fine whatever rip on him for that lmao. But to call a show wheres he's just touring to connect with others and share their food out of touch and classist? Pfffftttt. Wow how cruel and unethical. Criticize him all you want, but none of you are. Its all half ass accusations and weird fucking Vibe Checks where you deem him Not Right cus he didn't smile correctly or wide enough. You are not his friend but Also, not his life long enemy fool. You don't know him well enough to hate or love him accurately.
#i do believe the attacks were him were subconsciously biased#such as he doesnt emote the way i want him to to garner sympathy#WEIRD#WEIRD THING TO SAY#i forgot how WEIRD people are online#youre not an empath#youre an assuming and nosy nelly#its just#whatever excuse you give yourself to act like an ass is a loser move#i dont like tina fey because i just dont#yall can be the same fuck you dont need to create assertation as to why this person you dojt know sucks on like#a personal level or even ethical cus he did nothing wrong ethically than be annoying#taylor swift is ACTUALLY doing unethical things to the environment like shit on her for that all you want#but i would find it weird if you were shitting on taylor like she was your friend#like the Gaylors#THATS WEIRD#watcher#steven lim#also actively racist i saw you and guess what yah blocked#you wont see this cus of that but ya blocked
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so I watched the show and like. I wasn’t as angry as I expected to be. because it was so incoherent and so not resemblant of yakuza that I couldn’t really latch onto something to be mad about. like it’s just. such a mess.
#the cinematography was so uninteresting and all the scenes were so quick and sporadic that you can’t really Feel anything#there’s no time to get attached to anyone or anything and so much backstory is thrown out that everything either makes no sense or lacks#any significant impact#like how are you gonna make an adaptation of something and expect the audience to know enough about the source material to fill in the gaps#and yet divert so much from the source material that it’s nearly unrecognizable.#really wacky choices being made here#honestly the only thing that made me actually like genuinely irritated (as opposed to confused and disappointed) was the soundtrack#like. absolutely dismal. the only songs that stood out were western songs everyone knows and they were so horribly cliche#like tell me this was made by westerners without telling me#that’s such an insult to yakuza’s over a decade long discography that's generally always Very strong#at the very least the composers/producers put a ton of thought and effort into it#and the show just. says meh whatever. and throws in mr blue sky and fucking MAD WORLD#i'll give them SOME props for making yumi and yuko ('miho' i still dont get why they changed her name)#have some level of personality and 3 dimensionality#honestly i felt more sympathy and connection to both of them than i did kiryu#rambling#yakuza
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THE MEN (percy jackson) START WARS YET TROY HATES HELEN (calypso)
#i could go into heavy detail…#AND I WILL#no hate to percy but like we as a fandom failed calypso#give her the same sympathy you gave luke and ethan and chris (THE MEN)#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo fandom#luke castellan#pjo show#percy jackson show#calypso#calypso pjo#percy jackson fandom
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