#and ne motivated | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mbti-notes · 7 days ago

Text

Anon wrote: Hi Mbti-notes, hope you’re doing well. I’m an INTP who sent you an ask a few days ago that I wanted to retract. I think I was in denial a bit when I wrote it so it wasn’t very clear. The issue is, I’ve recently moved from a small, very good private school (where I’ve been for my whole life) to a large, diverse coed state school. I was so excited about the move when I got in to the school, but now I regret it.

The thing is, I have almost no sense of identity. I do things (like homework) bc I get positive validation from teachers. Even though intellectually I value hard work and I admire ppl who can speak eloquently and are sharp, I don’t know how to make myself emotionally care about schoolwork without this, so I don’t do it. When I have friends, I steal their interests and copy their mannerisms and expressions and ways of looking at life. I feel so dull and empty inside without someone to almost give me life and a personality. And I’m realizing all the things I took as constants about myself (hardworking, intelligent, sociable to a degree) were just products of my environment. Even down to the fact that I can’t listen to music anymore bc there’s nobody to discuss it with so it feels pointless.

It’s probably worth mentioning that I used to define myself as capable, but I’ve been having bad brain fog (a dietician’s helping me solve it) so I can’t really read or learn things which I used to enjoy a lot, and my memory is absolutely terrible. I feel super spaced out and derealised most of the time.

And on top of this, I went to a school where the lesson quality was very high and I was with ppl who were bright if a bit apathetic. Now I’m with people who haven’t had the same upbringing I’ve had or the same educational quality. The lessons in this school are also more of a lecture type, teach yourself the material, and I’m not as sharp as I used to be so it’s difficult. I wanted to leave my school to meet new people from different backgrounds but I can’t relate to any of them, and I would be able to if I stopped resisting but I’m scared I’m going to lose myself in the process. I think my academic standards might subtly be slipping (even in a less conscious way) and I don’t know what to do.

If I had my wits about me I’d be working harder to keep my grades up, but I’m so tired and demoralized because when I go into school I feel so out of place and like I’ve made a mistake. I can’t stop comparing it to the way things were at my old school, or at my twin sister’s private school (she made the right choice and I didn’t). I’m aware this is partly a sign of Si loop and I should stop indulging it, but my memory is terrible and if I don’t remember and keep thinking about the past, how can I define myself clearly? I don’t know myself at all, and I’ve only ever defined myself by my past actions but other than that I feel so hollow inside.

I have to stick it out at this school so any perspective you have on this would be welcomed (and pls disregard my previous ask!). Thank you :)

---------------

(1) Function Problems: Many people make the mistake of choosing only one of the past, present, or future to use for defining their "identity". However, the three are equally important since they are inextricably intertwined.

The past contains all of the significant life experiences that have made you the unique person you are at present. The present is where you make the vital decisions about who you will become in the future. And the future gives you the direction needed to make decisions right now that best build upon all you've achieved in the past.

Unhealthy Si means misinterpreting the importance of the past. Type development requires you to learn how to use functions optimally and appropriately. There are times when it's appropriate to draw upon past experience and there are times when it's inappropriate. There are times when leaning too heavily on the past becomes an impediment to your daily functioning and future growth.

The past only influences the present when you allow it to. Right now, you are unhappy because you are having difficulty adjusting to a new environment. When people are unhappy, they are prone to emotional reasoning, which means selectively gathering "evidence" that only serves to confirm and escalate negative emotions.

Some of that "evidence" can come from the past, in terms of using a mythologized past to make unfavorable comparisons of the present. What this means is that your perception of the present is biased and flawed. You are not giving objective and fair consideration to the new environment on its own merits but denigrating it merely because it doesn't meet your subjective expectations.

This logical fallacy can seep into many situations. For example, if you meet a new person who physically resembles a person you once knew, you can't help expecting their personality to be the same too. Or, if you've eaten at many restaurants of a particular cuisine, you'll expect a new restaurant to live up to the previous ones you've enjoyed. A personal example: I once watched a beautiful fireworks display with a friend, but the only comment they could make was that it wasn't as nice as a previous display they'd seen in another city.

What do these examples teach you? Emphasizing the past to an unhealthy degree can lead to problems such as: detachment from reality; inability to live in and appreciate the present as is; a jaded attitude that compulsively recasts everything sublime as mundane.

You say you want "perspective" but unhealthy Si really does NOT want perspective because it is heavily invested in sameness. Unhealthy Si is looking for any excuse to justify giving up and resigning oneself to the predictability of the status quo. Predictability is where Si shines, so why give up that glory by changing oneself and inviting unpredictability?

However, when you go around expecting the world to always conform with what you already know, what you're really doing is condemning yourself to living a life of boring monotony. Is that really what you want? If it is, that's your choice and it should be respected, though you should ask yourself whether you are truly NP.

If monotony doesn't appeal to you, then you have to readjust your vision. You have to appreciate that change is a necessity to be welcomed and embraced because, without it, there is no longer any possibility for betterment. This is why healthy Ne is the salve to dysfunctional Si.

NPs are often admired for their ability to look for silver linings and capitalize on them. Would you believe that many NPs have basically said to me that there's no such thing as "a bad decision", that life is what you make of it? A few have even said that they like to immerse themselves in a "bad" environment because it gives them a chance to exercise ingenuity to thrive in it? Where is this Ne spirit in you? I can't answer that for you. You have to look within and bring it out.

(2) Motivation Problems: You lack intrinsic motivation. I have explained this topic many times, so browse previous posts. You keep waiting around for someone/something to compel you into action, which means you are mainly extrinsically motivated. This is similar to the mentality of a spoiled child who expects the world to cater to their every need.

People who are only extrinsically motivated often miss out on opportunities to develop inner strength of character. Unfortunately, having nothing of substance within, they are ultimately shallow people. And living a shallow life amounts to living a meaningless life.

Oftentimes, when people claim to be "empty" or that life seems "meaningless", what they're really saying is that they have no values to rely upon. What is a human being without values? It basically means nothing is important. When nothing is important, then nothing is worth doing. When nothing is worth doing, then life isn't worth living, is it?

The essence of humanity is found in human values. What does it mean to "value" something? For example:

To value is to appreciate something for its inherent worth. Do you see the worth in anything, or do you only see how everything is worthless to you?

To value is to cherish something for all its positive aspects. Do you look for the positive, or do you seek out the negative because it feels good to confirm your negative feelings and beliefs?

To value is to care about something enough that you want to nurture its continued existence. Do you even care enough about yourself to work hard for a better quality of life?

To value is to love something so deeply that you'd make a personal sacrifice to save it. Do you love anything? If not, how can you act in the best interests of anything, including your future self?

To value is to have a heart and use it as a guide when interacting with the world. Living without a heart, can one call oneself human? If you want to feel like a whole and well-rounded human being, then you have to stop being unduly critical (unhealthy Ti) and actively learn to look for things to love in life (healthy Fe). The possibility of finding beauty exists in every time and place. The question is whether you can open your eyes to see it and open your heart to feel it.

It's easy to sit back and complain about what's "wrong", in fact, it's a comfortable place to be because you can believe in the lie of your own superiority. If you're happy in that bubble, then stay there. If you're not happy there, then get up and seek out positive things and build upon them, and live a life that makes the world brighter. It's a much more difficult but also a much more meaningful way to live.

Nobody can make you care. Caring is a choice you make by yourself, for yourself because you understand the preciousness of life, the shortness of your time on earth, and the necessity of making the most out of the inner and outer resources you've been gifted.

#intp #auxiliary ne #tertiary si #si loop #inferior fe #fe grip #intrinsic motivation #values #meaning of life #past #ask

8 notes · View notes

unluckysatellite · 2 months ago

Text

A Retrospective Analysis of Victor's Swim Date

Aka more like me yapping about Victor's Swim Date...Well, I guess this is less of an analysis and more of just me rambling about a few things about his date that I noticed. Sometimes, it's fun to read back on past content with the lenses of today's context, yknow? I may do more of this, when the motivation to spite people strikes.

I had this post on the back burner for a few months now and today I was randomly reminded 24/7 I will always love Victor that I had this in my drafts LOLOLOL

This date is pretty interesting, because I vaguely remember that people were disappointed by how unromantic it was (considering that it takes place after Victor's confession in his Rooftop Date). But to me, I think this date is significant because of what it establishes for Victor and MC's relationship: that he is always her safe harbor, someone she can trust when she fails. (which is fitting because of the sea imagery...get it??? Swimming....harbor...eh? Eh????)

To summarize this date: Victor offers to teach MC how to swim, in preparation for meeting with her new client, a swimming enthusiast.

Although she is nervous because she has no experience with swimming, the MC is eager to learn, since Victor is teaching her. Immediately, the MC nearly drowns as soon as she puts herself in the deep end of the pool. It's important to note here, that this near drowning accident was self-inflicted -- she let go of the railing and her foot slipped at the same time.

Anyways, she is immediately saved by Victor, there are a couple of important things to note here:

Victor teases MC for slipping and nearly drowning herself, but one should take note here, that none of his remarks hurts MC's feelings or her sense of confidence in any way.

It is the near drowning incident that puts the fear of deep water in MC, and it is that fear of drowning that makes her feel insecure about herself.

When she is visibly nervous, Victor gets into the water with her. He is patient throughout his lesson, not once does he insult or belittle the MC as he guides her through the motions, and stays with her when he removes her swimming ring:

When the MC feels more confident in herself, she and Victor do a bit of bantering as usual, and her curiosity is sparked when she asks about Victor when he learned how to swim, and briefly imagines what he looked like back then:

So after a bit of practice, Victor lets of her hands and the MC almost drowns again.

Though he immediately rescues her again, and she panics:

Although she says "I just can't learn. I'm not as smart as you." because of their conversation earlier, like I pointed out earlier: nowhere did his words ever hurt the MC's confidence when it comes to swimming, nor did she ever describe that her feelings were hurt -- she is flustered and saying anything that comes to mind and is making whatever excuse she can make because of her fear.

At no point does she ever blame Victor for insulting her, but rather she tells Victor that it is his fault for letting go of her when she wasn't ready to swim.

It is absolutely ridiculous to say that Victor is "abusive" in his Swim Date, to say that his words have hurt the MC's confidence, when it is her own fear of the deep water that leads to her own failure.

And so Victor tells her:

Victor is establishing himself as a safe harbor for the MC, for her to grow and mature. To be true to herself, as he is there for her as a safe place.

The MC herself realizes this about Victor: although his words are harsh, and challenges her every step of the way, he only, truly has the best intentions at heart for her:

And when she fails, he is there to protect her.

Like I said at the beginning of this post: although this date is...very awkward in the VictorxMC lore, especially as it takes place right after the Rooftop Date, one might expect something more...romantic.

But to me, it marks an important turning point in their relationship, as they go from boss and employee to lovers, and establishes one of the key aspects of their relationship: Be it as her boss or as a man who loves her, Victor is the MC's safe harbor, a lighthouse to guide her as she navigates through the sea of life.

(I suppose this is why a lot of their dates take place around the ocean, huh?)