#and my internet is stressing me out
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yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.
Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.
When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.
And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.
With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#i think him learning how to be a peak lord and cultivation and everything else would help distract him from the internet withdrawal for the#most part. but the moment there's a lull in the day and his mind wanders or he becomes bored or stressed and he instinctively reaches back#for his phone and realizes it isn't there it just sends a spike of panic/frustration/irritation through him because its a familiar comfort#and now its gone. like this is all based off my own experiences from being Chronically Online but i just think its neat to think about#in that same vein i think it also pushes him into getting into the arts on QJP. Like as the peak lord naturally he would be doing this kind#of stuff but hes NOT the peak lord but to keep up appearances he has to know how to do this stuff. and finds it??? actually quite rewarding#even more than getting into an argument online or getting a new merch item. he's making or doing this stuff. he starts drawing and finishes#a piece and regardless of its skill level he feels something unclog in his chest. like sediment being scraped off the bottom of a creek and#being washed downstream. a weight that's been slogging through his veins suddenly untangled. physical proof of his efforts that feels great#starry is incapable of NOT giving her favorite blorbos more hobbies. starry is incapable of not giving her favorites artsy hobbies#this is probably NOT a new or original thought whatsoever but im throwing it out there anyways bc it fascinates me. i love transmigration#and albeit i've only read isekai manhwa/manhua there's a common theme of the people there assimilating into their new lives relatively quic#which i know is for ease of transition and getting to the rest of the story. but WHAT IF.#i have still not read svsss yet and idk when i'll be able to BUT have some thoughts anyways
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I think that this was the first time one of my posts truly broke containment which was horrible, anyway here is the original version I made a million years ago, Karkat actually gets to hold the honorable fujoshi title because he would the end.
#homestuck#homestuck meme#karkat vantas#vriska serket#kanaya maryam#terezi pyrope#eughhhh I feel so sick#I had a terrible day at school and then there was just too much notifications#I saw some of the additions are the ones from my mutuals were funny and nice but the ones from strangers stressed me out#which is unreasonable cause like#I posted it on the internet what did I expect?#turned reblogs back on ten minutes after turning them off because I hate to be a coward#screams
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Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold
#Seeing their posts absolutely shattered me#I may never be able to relate to how heās going through rn but at least I can relate to the fear of living in absolute fear#the fear of unable to be yourself in your own home with creative and personal freedom#The fear of being terrified that the thing that gives you the most innocent happiness will be heavily demonized and threatened#The fear of getting caught doing something you love and being yourself with your found identity#The fear of destruction#I relate heavily to this and to feel you are going to be caught doing anything that isnāt a crime hurts#I wish him safety and love during these stressful days#Heās brought so much joy to my life that I must keep private irl too#Whatever he decides for the fandom I will fully support it#I will still continue posting of course unless he wishes otherwise#If he sees this (which I doubt) hey other clown lmao- you are loved and not alone#It may be scary but you are not alone- you will never be alone#There will always be people out there who love you and there will always be those who are not even worth giving time of day#The internet is both a blessing and a cruel cruel unforgiving place#I hope it doesnāt deter you from doing what you love and hold dear#I hope you have anyone you can be with online or in irl that can give you the comfort you need#You deserve peace and security#Do what you feel is best#Welcome home
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ä¹ä¹
Thought process months ago: drawn like a moth(xian) to a flame (hgj) >> "if only there was an insect that lights up" >> sitting up in cold sweat at 3am a few days after, realizing fireflies exist Ī£ą©§(āā”āāæ)
ā
support me on ko-fi ā
#mdzsnet#mxtxnet#dailyuntamed#mdzs#mdzs fanart#the untamed#wangxian#wangxian fanart#wei wuxian#lan wangji#fanart#rnmyn.art#this was supposed to be a sketch dot png#YES I FORGOT FIREFLIES ARE A THING#just going through my '22 sketchbook for wips#see u in may while i nap thru april out of Stress#if the internet and my keyboard didn't lie to me ä¹ä¹ is the kissing sound#kiss kiss fall in love dot mp3#pls ignore anatomy i just wanted squish#i cant remember if it was firefly in mandarin that had ying but was in a different tone than wy
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caine wants to play the silly little card game he found in some buried files labeled "DO NOT OPEN"
big thank you to @ghostlygunk for your encyclopedic knowledge of card sigils
#the amazing digital circus#inscryption#tadc#caine#jax#zooble#kinger#gangle#ragatha#fanart#au#my art#amuposting#turns out i can do whatever i want on the internet!!!!#only like 4 people are gonna understand any of this but. i had fun coming up with the designs#and it feels really good to draw something since i've been stressed#anyway. let me know if you would use these in YOUR inscryption deck#leshy is somewhere in the old data foaming at the mouth#ALSO yes i know some of these sigils dont appear until act 3.#however i do not care.#p03 can try to come to my house and kill me with hammers i'll just suck its dick
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Not to be too corny but the new year has got me thinking and I really appreciate this blog because this is pretty much the only site/community/fandom where I don't stress out over posting every single thing I post, afraid I'll be shit on for... something (my brain is very good at coming up with hypotheticals). I know, I know I'm way too sensitive and i shouldn't care about what others think and the internet isn't real so it doesn't matter etc. etc. but unfortunately I just don't know how to get my brain to work like that. I mean, I'm still too afraid of being cringe to draw/write/yap about everything I'd hypothetically like to, but I've been way more social and open to posting my thoughts on here than I've ever been before, and it's made me more confident online overall. So thank you all for being so welcoming and chill!
#idk hopefully this makes sense. might delete in the morning lol#mine#not tes#vent#(mostly positive one)#im working on an animation rn and im really excited about the idea and storyboard#and while i enjoy sharing my stuff on yt and to an extent im a little sad i dont do it as often there#something about posting t/es stuff on there makes me kinda dread it in a minor way#90% of the comments i get on my tes stuff have been honestly wonderful (and the 10% that hasnt has been from having an argonian nerevarine)#but also some of the things i want to do in the future are more headcanon or canon-divergent heavy and i stress out a little thinking about#potential not so kind comments relating to that. elsewhere people can just be so weird about it#and that sort of thing can take a hit to my motivation to work on animated stuff (despite being far and away my best stuff)#but everyone here is so friendly and generally open minded and it makes me less stressed about it and gives me more motivation#idk the internet has always been pretty mean and critical but i feel like its gotten so much worse in the past few years#and im too sensitive for it. and lonely. and internet addicted i think.#which sucks but this blog/community has made fandom posting genuinely enjoyable again#ok sincerity over back to scrolling
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every time there's a rise in fascist action and power in the us, there's an en masse feminist response of like. affirming that gender is an ontological trait, you can tell what gender someone is without them directly stating it to you, appearance is indicative of gender (rather than just being correlative particularly in conservative populations), gender is a useful signifier of ideology separate from factors such as class and race (and may even be more causative regarding fascist ideology than class or race are), there is no form of gendered oppression targeting men, and there is no form of gendered privilege afforded to women.*
it's annoying! i do not like it.
*nb4 someone gets on my case about how gendered targeting of men is "just" racism/ableism/etc and gendered privilege afforded to women isn't "truly" privilege as men who reap the benefits of patriarchy are still higher in the social hierarchy than women who reap the benefits of patriarchy: we have entirely different modalities for viewing interactions of privilege + power + hegemony. your modality is, in fact, part of what i'm critiquing. it refuses to recognize gender itself as the oppressive structure, and patriarchy as a structure enforcing gender. we can chat in good faith if you want to understand this lens better but like i'm not going to be arguing about it or trying to make a Discourse Post(tm) defending my ideology.
#so many people come to this blog acting like i'm trying to defend an ideology or convert them or create educational resources#in actuality i am just saying things that i don't want to say on my main because i do not affiliate myself with online activism#(not that i think it's bad if other people do. however it would be truly truly horrific for me personally if i were to allow myself to view#the internet as an appropriate space for my activism. it is not and will never be and it is simply a place to speak my personal thoughts.)#and quite honestly as a result i do not think i owe a theoretical ''audience'' defenses or explanations#i will write them out if i am thinking about it and find it interesting and fulfilling#but like. this is a blog. it is not a resource. it is not a fount of activism. it is my space to write out thoughts i do not want to#put out into my low-stakes fandom-based social spaces due to this stressing my friends out irreparably.#(tag ramble fairly unrelated i am just... so tired. this is why i rarely use this blog and i do not check my notes when i do#because the way tumblr users interact with this blog is absolutely fucking miserable and antithetical to my purposes using it)
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If ur having a bad day one of my friends was receiving hate comments on TikTok and Instagram for no reason and THEN I got hate on Reddit for shipping Ragapom š
āRagatha has more chemistry with Jax than Pomniā Ppl who ship both: š§
Edit: forgot to clarify that my friendās not in the fandom, what she was dealing with was a whole other thing. Basically thereās this thing ppl on TikTok and Instagram do where they just hate on ppl for existing bc they have no life. I shouldāve cleared that up I just thought it was obvious from my tags. Either way Goose would not approve and ppl need to chill tf out, and - might I say smth controversial - touch some grass ļ¼ā¹ā”ā¹ļ¼
#The fact that my friend thought she deserves the hate she was getting š#She didnāt even do anything and even told the person to leave her alone#And ofc he didnāt listen this is the fucking internet weāre talking abt#Idek why Iām surprised I got hate on Reddit likeā¦ITS REDDIT FOR GODS SAKE#vent#no bc I had to tell my friend myself that she doesnāt deserve all that hate#thatās how awful ppl r on TikTok and Instagram#itās actually sickening#Oh! And after I got hate my parents told me at dinner that my uncleās in the hospital so š„²#Oh x2! Iāve been so stressed that I got a nosebleed yesterday and my hair was falling out š#Itās only Tuesday and Iām already likeā¦what a week holy shit
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Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...
#i'm two seconds away from nuking everything in my queue and drafts out of spite#but i don't feel good about that bc there's innocent collateral#this is tumblrā the place you're supposed to fucking share the stuff that your friend's and other people are making#and i get itā it's not possible to like and reblog everything hereā i understand that and i'm not expecting that#it just sucks constantly feeling like no one gives a shit about the stuff you're proud of and put effort intoā y'know?#there's an entire subsection of this fandom that basically ignores any vper that isn't running modded on pc#which is like half the fucking fandom and i definitely pissed some of those people off just for choosing who i associate with#i've been writing in this fandom for three years now and i still don't feel like i have any fucking writing friends#or a good place to get technical support#the writing associates i do have either don't read anything i write or when they do won't comment for some inexplicable reason#(if you're an author on ao3 you knowā first handā damn well how much comments mean to authorsā so what's the deal?)#(if you actually don't like itā it's fineā don't even touch the kudos buttonā no one has to know you were there)#i'm traumatized from my previous discord experiences and am very reluctant to let people into my circle without vetting them first#even tumblr communities is a struggle for me because it still feels a like a popularity/social influence contest#and i know i'm fucking slow#sue me for having a life outside of the internet and wanting to be mindful and thoughtfully engaged with other people's artwork#i talk to people in the tags#i've been leaving comments on every fic i read now#i'm not expecting people to bend over backwards for me#but fostering community and friendships requires mutual exchange#and it's shitty feeling like you're generosity is constantly being fucking wasted#i'm trying to keep it fun around here but a lot aren't helping with that and this isn't a job for one person#sorry not sorry for the rant but i've been feeling very salty about this as of late#i know the holidays can be stressful and the fandom in general has been slowly shrinking which has probably exacerbated these issues#a lot of folks have moved on#but these issues have always been here and they aren't magically going to go away unless people work on them#i'm not expecting anything i make to break the bank at this point but when your friends won't even put your crappy art on the fridge anymor#like why are we here?#i also don't understand the people who are following me but never interact with anything i make???#rambling into the void
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New OCs
(briefly, humans and supernatural beings have to team up for building better relations with each other and all the supernaturals can shapeshift and take on human appearances but also have their 'original form'.)
OK so I was GOING to draw fanart today - I had a fun idea and everything! But health anxiety (and anti-anxiety meds) wore me out so I kinda .... slogged through OCs as a treat to me. I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow so HOPEFULLY it's all okay.
#my characters#also kite is the worst socially and says things he thinks are surely fitting for a human conversation#but ends up insulting grady with 99% of the comments and that makes grady not fond of him#but then grady is like super pleasant to others and doesnt know how to act around kite and flubs a lot too#its a disaster and the twins are like oh no this is painful#mr tengu that was so tacky you cant say that to a human#mr tengu you cant DO that to a human STOP BEING LIKE THIS#while callum is just like wow this is hilarious thanks for bothering my younger brother its adding character to his life#and kite is stressed because thats the least encouraging thing to hear ever thank you v much hes TRYING to adapt#but also kite isnt his real name and he doesnt know squat about humans BUT he knows they have the internet#and so hes like well the problem is i dont want to actually say my name to you all because what if i am Online (TM)#and so he asks for a new name and then is like he should name me - the tiny one who wants to kick my ass should name me#so grady is like ....... nooooo...... dont............ and then suggests kite bc he's done google research#and kite is a type of bird and according to wikipedia has some familiarity to tengu so therefore yeah#and kite is like !!!!!! DOES HE ! KNOW THINGS ! and happily accepts the slightly researched name while the other humans#are like grady stop that is bullying the poor guy leave him alone pick a normal name!#anyway not drawn yet but there is a human guy partner for the twins and he immediately is like perfect#i know which is which lets go out and explore the human world for your research#and they dont understand how he knows them apart so fast and none of the other humans seem to tell em apart#but then none of the humans are shocked at the guy who knows so the girls are like sir howst do you know#and hes just v casual oh right yeah younger identical twin sisters - i have Practice ! and they are endeared to him haha#anyway if you read all those tags ty#and yes in his tengu form he does actually have the long nose please do not be mad#i just dont draw noses normally and im too tired to practice rn so#i only drew the second one today anyway - the first pic was done a couple days ago but i didnt wanna post on main#but then here i am posting on main#im sorry
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Literally infuriates me whenever someone assumes Hanako is the MC of tbhk just because his name is in the title. I understand if itās someone who hasnāt read or watched the series but how can you be a tbhk fan and not know Nene is the protagonist??? She calls herself the heroine like a million times, both in the manga and the anime. A titular character is not the same as a main character, Hanako may be the male lead but the series still revolves around Nene. If he were our main character we would follow him on his own adventures and the plot would revolve around his death rather than Neneās lifespan. Guys. Reading comprehension.
#saw someone use the title as a āgotchaā when someone else called nene the mc and i had to get this out of my system#one of those moments where i actually typed out and sent a reply before deleting it and blocking them#my anxiety is too bad to do internet arguments so i just stick to blocking ppl#like i donāt want strangers on the internet to stress me out i come here to chill#but damn itās hard sometimes#this wouldnāt be a debate if nene wasnāt a girl lbr#ppl automatically see men as the āleaderā types so ofc they assume hanako is the lead even when the manga itself says otherwise#nene yashiro#female characters#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun
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I agree that we educators need a place to vent about our jobs, online places as wellā¦ but I draw the line at recording yourself interacting with a student who is clearly disregulated. I donāt care if you canāt see the student and can only hear their voice; you are recording their voice during a vulnerable moment. Thatās almost on-par with autism parents recording their autistic children having a meltdown. I donāt care how much of an asshole your student is; you donāt do that.
#educators of tumblr#Is that a tag#parapro#I never disliked a video so hard in my life#Like yeah I sometimes talk about my work on here; but thatās different#If itās something bad at work Iām stressed over Iāll only vaguepost about it#I had a student who really really disliked me and I admit I disliked having to deal with them as well#but I did not post anything about them on the internet because Iām a decent human being who doesnāt talk shit about children#and I most certainly did not record them#And even when I say something about a student I keep their pronouns vague and the story is usually fun or interesting#with a focus on strategies I used to help them deal with a difficult situation so others can use them#or just because the story was cute#or to talk shit about other educatorsā I have no integrity in that regard other than integrity to the children#And I will gladly call someone with much more seniority than myself out in front of the kids and other teachers if need be#Done it before; can and will do it again#Everyone likes me so I can get away with being extra blunt in such cases with minimal consequences
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i have absolutely NO patience for anyone being shitty or judgmental or othering about addicts, not just because of my ethical principles and baseline compassion for other human beings, but because i have personal experience with how inseparable substance abuse is from mental illness and other kinds of inescapable suffering. i got high on cannabis and benzos all day long, 6 days a week for two years because i had severe treatment-resistant depression (aka i had tried EVERY legal treatment available without improvement). when i found a medication that made it go away almost entirely, i dropped down to maybe 3 times a month purely for fun and after my day's responsibilities are done, within days of starting to feel better. and now i feel like shit again and i've been getting high several times a week as literal self-medication. because, you know, i'm in horrible pain and it would be cruel and inhuman for someone to tell me i had to ignore the one tool i had access to that would reduce my suffering, just so i wouldn't be an ~addict~, which is of course the worse most disgusting worthless thing a person can be.
i know that there are many addictions that are more physically damaging and that people continue to crave physiologically even when they start recovering from the mental or physical pain that drove them to drugs in the first place. i am very, very fortunate that due to my life circumstances i have no access to meth or heroin or more dangerous stuff like that. but it is sure as hell a lot less difficult to resist even those cravings when the pain that they were used to alleviate is drastically reduced!!!
anyway this is all just me restating the rat town study that proved almost all drug addiction is caused by capitalism and/or trauma, and weakening capitalism and building rewarding caring societies eliminates substance abuse almost entirely. why the fuck would you scream at and shame people experiencing unspeakably terrible pain rather than the forces and people who caused/failed to treat that pain?
#substance abuse#drugs#btw im also saying this as someone who is having my actual medication stolen on an ongoing basis by someone employed in my house#who i have an enormous amount of power and social capital over and who lives a much harder and more stressful life than me#when it happens i call in a new rx and find a better hiding place for the stealable stuff and move on with my life#(im not saying this is the Right thing to do btw. obviously a LOT of people can't just get a replacement supply a few days later#or the financial burden or replacing them is higher#and they would be 100% justified in confronting and firing the person who is doing serious harm to them and demanding financial recompense)#im not saying this to prove im a Good Person im saying it to show that i genuinely believe the shit im saying in this post#i do not judge addicts who aren't trying to stop using#if it was someone who was seriously hurting me because of it i would definitely get angry and hurt and maybe cut them out of my life#but anyone else? including internet strangers and the hypothetical masses of Bad Junkies?#there's no ethical excuse for judging them and treating them like shit. period.#frankly if you even have deep strong negative feelings about them (besides like...sadness) i'm deeply suspicious of you
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hi this is a post saying i will not b online((or try)) until i get my g.e.d.
i love u all if i uh, yk never return
hugs hugs many sweet dreams & good mornings!
#i had a much longer post then realized no1 wants 2 read all that long#i dont want 2 like fill the tags w/reasons y im suddenly doing this#hell i might regret this & delete it a minute l8r#but like. i need my highschool diploma#ive failed school like all the way through. my entire school career looks good in concept but its not#shit im going 2 start crying again#<- that is also y#i keep crying i keep like getting rlly sad & self#destructive & idk how 2 fix that so im doing this so no1 hears my whining#uhhh pray 4 me 2 pass ig lol#hugs hugs hugs mnay hugs#this feels like a final goodbye bc my self confidence is so bad jdjfiosk#summer school; switching classes bc of bad grades; getting expelled; having numerous teacher conferences; having my teachers talk 2 me like#im their kid just bc my mother works @ the school ohh my god that hurt the most & made me want 2 go monkey mode#point is im not good @ school & never have been & it stresses me out & im so scared#im so afaid im crying just thinking about sitting in a class#i love learning i love ideas i love questions MY FAVORITE SUBJECT IS MATH but im just so scared 4 some reason#& idk if ill b able 2 do it#i can barely see my screen help djchis#anyways im going 2 try my best bc i want 2 talk 2 my friends & uhm thats rlly it#but i cant do that unless i get better so im going 2 try 2 not#i ended up rambling in the tags blehhh#niko is also w/me rn as always & i will give him all the kisses &love i can so nobody worry about that#watch me take this post back in a day bc the internet has been 1 of my only safe soaces#this is so pathetic kanfkf & me saying so does not make it any less so#i just jumped out of the car & walked 2 hrs home crying bc im an actual disaster rn#like what if everything im thinking rn makes no sense#i mean not the school thing#i need 2 do that#i need 2 stop stalling
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Uh, can i get one boy tortured by future horrors?
Thanks!
ugh i think i made the bg transparent by accident but i cant tell arrgh
This design is up to change but I kinda like it, so I don't think it'll change much; the hair definitely won't, my man is stressed.
Finally decided to call this au "Echoes of Cassandra" cause i couldn't think of anything else. Get it? Because Cassandra of Troy, Cassandra Jones, and Cassandra Jones Jr. It's all an echo! I'm a genius! This didn't take me a week to think of at all!
Also ignore any mistakes, this was a random doodle that turned into something more I didn't use a reference š also it's not plot relevant, gift of prophecy doesn't give you like, light powers. (Or maybe it does, I'll think on it)
Headshot is just for a clearer view of his face and to take up space.
i wonder if i should make an ask blog, seems fun, but if I do I'll wait till i get some comics out for this au.
Also @inkyrainstorms I don't know if you still want to be tagged about posts of this au, if you don't I'll stop after this. Either way thank you for being interested in my au!
#tmnt#rottmnt au#rise casey jr#eoc au#echoes of cassandra#these tags are for the au!#tmnt fanart#rottmnt#my post#my art#btw i would apologize for disappearing but at this point I'm a broken record š#stuff happens and when that passes or gets less stressful posting anxiety and shame makes me not want to come back even more ššš#point is my life sucks a lot sometimes & im terrible at queuing & anxiety will never leave me & i still don't know how to useā#social media as a creator without ducking out to become a internet avoident hermit or a lurker#sorry for rambling in the tags#so yeah sorry i blame my autism and chronic pain and you can too!!/j
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Did you see that Ghost announced their 2025 tour? I know you said you were trying to distance yourself from fandom for a bit but I thought this might excite you :)
I saw, thank you!
#messages from beyond the ask box#Asexualsinner#Bit bummed by how the fandom is reacting in my corner of the internet but that's why I said fandom's been stressing me out :'/
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