Details That Convey Intimacy
Developing fictional relationships that feel authentic takes more than dialogue and grand gestures. Every detail below can be used to show platonic, familial, agape, or romantic love depending on context.
cooking a meal for someone, bringing them food, or spontaneously sharing a snack
sharing body heat/warming someone with outerwear like jackets and scarves
fanning them with something if overheated
getting a cold/hot drink for them
offering to carry something, whether it's heavy or just a jacket, to lighten someone's load or free up their hands
more below the click!
changing the subject of a group conversation that will be personally discomforting to someone in the group
making sure to include someone in a group conversation, especially if it's a topic they have special knowledge of
waiting for someone to catch up when the rest of the group has walked ahead
remembering preferences/allergies ahead of time when preparing/ordering food
planning trips, whether in a pair or as a group, that provide something positive for every individual to enjoy
procuring personal healthcare items like sunscreen, moisturizer, lip balm, pain relievers, or a snack and keeping them on hand for that friend who frequently needs them
making room for someone in a crowded vehicle or on public transit
making room for someone under an awning or in another limited space to help them avoid bad weather
warning or wordlessly covering for someone with a wardrobe/cosmetic malfunction
remembering a small luxury someone mentioned they enjoy, and getting it for them the next time it's convenient
running an errand for someone to make their day easier ('importance of errand : depth of relationship' ratio should be explored)
escorting someone to safety in a sudden unsettling event
escorting someone who is drunk, sick, infirm, injured, or emotionally compromised
asking if light, noise, or other sensory factors are bothering someone and taking steps to make them more comfortable
getting gag gifts for someone to show you reciprocate their sense of humor or quirky self-expression (not everyone does this, not everyone appreciates it, and some people predominantly express love through humor and gag gifts; works well with some characters more than others)
holding someone's hand or arm as reassurance, especially when they are afraid*
using their body to block someone from wind, rain, or heat
picking up a dropped item, or carrying a train or other dragging garment for someone else
returning a recognizable possession to someone who may have lost it
This is an inexhaustible list as humans have many ways of showing love for each other. If you are writing spec fic with non-human characters, you can play with variations on these by remembering three core values the "lover" has to consider:
physical comfort of others
emotional comfort of others
social reputation of others
I'd add "sensory comfort" though I think it's tied to physical and emotional comfort.
Please do not try and force any of these into the mold of the misogyny-based "Love Language" trend. Human emotions and expressions of love are diverse and endless.
*While hand holding can be construed as romantic, in reality it varies. Some cultures do not see this as romantic, and some individuals only mean it as a sign of support or compassion. Same goes for long embraces and kissing, both can be done platonically and of course naturally between close family members or friends.
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I'm sorry Neil, although I love your writing and agree with your opinions on most subjects I have to disagree with you on the writers' strike. No-one should have a more privileged life as a result of being clever and creative. I worked from the age of 15 to the age of 65 in low-paid jobs, taking 1 year off to go to drama school and 3 years off to get a fine art degree. I worked in terrible but necessary jobs, labouring, stacking boxes, unloading trucks, running errands, filing, going to work on a bicycle at all hours of the day and night on shift work in all kinds of weather. Even when I was a student I was still working in part-time cleani8ng jobs and even during periods of unemployment I worked in volunteer jobs for charities and social services.
According to Mensa I have an IQ of 160 and according to Plymouth University I have a BA hons in Fine Art but I cannot accept the idea that writers and other creative people should avoid normal jobs like driving an "Uber" or working in an office/shop/factory/construction site. To accept that idea would be to create a new aristocratic class when we should abolishing the old princes and aristocrats.
What we need, I feel sure, is a redistribution of labour so that everybody who can do so would spend some time each year in blue collar work and everybody who can would get higher education and a chance to make art of one sort or another.
The idea of doing other jobs to supplement writing or drawing shouldn't be seen as a terrible thing, a punishment or a suffering. Sharing the jobs around should be seen as normal.
I mean, I've done my half century of sweat labour and it didn't hurt me too much. I'm retired now and still making art of various kinds and I've never asked anyone to pay me for any art piece I've made. making art, writing, drawing etc. is the fun stuff which we get to do in exchange for the blue collar stuff which puts food on the table.
The worst pop song ever written was Sting/Dire Straits song "Money for Nothing" which ridicules the working class from a position of educational privilege.
So what's my question? My question is: What's wrong with a writer doing other jobs to make ends meet? Sounds perfectly fine to me.
Nothing's wrong with a writer doing other jobs to make ends meet. Writers and artists have been doing that since the dawn of time. Actors too.
But by the same token, there's nothing right about assuming that writing isn't a blue-collar job, or that writers and other people who make art can only make it for love and that thus they need other jobs to subsidise their craft.
I like living in a world in which the people who make the things that make the world worth living in get paid for their work. For me, that includes the people who make films and TV, books, art and music and comics.
Having spent a lot of time on film and TV sets, it's a blue-collar world on set, and everyone is working long and hard to make the shows you love. I'm never going to suggest that the riggers or the gaffers or the make-up team or the focus-pullers should drive ubers in order to have the privilege of being on the set and working there.
Or to put it another way, from the most blue-collar writer I ever knew...
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