#and my delusions will turn it into more
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Damn. She
makes me feel so comfortable. I feel safe with her.
Shame it can't happen, huh?
#And yet we move#anytime I have those thoughts I have to keep that in mind#and follow it up with those thoughts#but I also gotta be real with myself#so GD comfortable#I am only saying this so my delulu ass doesn't harp on it#flutters occurred when she said me shooting her shot made her smile and two ill people can't be in a relationship#well not flutters at the time just piqued interest#and my delusions will turn it into more#so you're saying there's a chance???#but it's not#she's upfront boss#you know this#it can't happen#and you deserve more#within YOURSELF too now sweetheart#you can't be loving these hoes the way you loving on you rn#you know it needs to be more#i feel I've been very rational about it so I don't think it'll stick and turn into more#i think I really have matured to the point that I can take no without lying to myself or being stuck#i've been reminded about the brevity of life and exhaust of other romantic inclinations#but#I AM still grieving#so acknowledging those feelings and living through them instead of around them is totally normal#lmao#my ass is going to say all the to listen to k camp comfortable#damn forgot to post this last night after we hung out
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Your art is so flipping pretty, and I just adore how you style all of the persona characters! But my question is, are there any other fandoms/works of art that you want to post or start rambling about? I hope you have a lovely day! (o゜▽゜)o☆
you can have those?
#personal#asks & requests#ok jokes over. ive drawn stuff for project sek/ai and danganrknpa on here before among a few other things#im not going to get into every anime i like but yknow. bochi. bakarin a. dunmesshi. recently wind breakr#big fan of ur turn to die and world ends with you#ive done a bit of art for in starts & time i will do more please go play it please please please#and ive been getting into umi neko lately!#[everything was spelled wrong on purpose as to not show up in search results]#but non persona things will be scarce on this blog. my love of this series is less special interest than full blown obsession LMAO#it takes so much time and energy to Create Things Im Proud Of its usually only persona delusions that get me thru it ever since Long Covid#fatigue is getting better though so maybe ill branch out more eventually! i rlly wanna draw beatrice umi/neko saaaur :3
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Jung Yeseo🥺🫶🤎
#twsb#when the third wheel strikes back#서브 남주가 파업하면 생기는 일#섭남파업#jung yeseo#jesse venetiaan#(not rly but just covering all my bases)#my art#spent all day working on this on and off on my phone and now im sleepy#drew him w his webnovel hair🥺 i miss it i wish they didnt change it for the webtoon#if they kept his comma bangs w the webtoons artstyle he wouldve been too powerful and everyone would perish tho i get it...#they had to nerf him...🛐 to preserve his just some guy energy KFJJD#i like the comma bangs tho bc it makes him look more diff from jesse venetiaan.. and also kim dokja fkdn#also wanted to draw his oversize cardigan w the moe sleeves... hehe#sidenote my mutual informed me earlier before drawing this that the jung family including yeseo r canonically attractive????#to the extent that yeseo was scouted to be an idol several times in hs????? WHAT#and this info hit me like a truck... like WHAT . i thought we were all drawing him pretty out of love and delusion--#SCOUTED TO BE AN IDOL... (and apparently he turned them all down bc it was assumed to be a scam fmfndnd)
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Octavius and Jed but merman AU. Maybe they're tiny mermen who live inside an aquarium 😂
How did they end up in there?
#anon here feeding my delusions#sorry for drawing them that small I just haven't come up with proper designs yet#although I want jed to be shark baded and oct like. idk. the way I drew mermaid fujiko (search back for it if you want)#mermaid au#mermaid#mermay#natm#natm octavius#natm jedediah#jedediah and octavius#jedtavius#night at the museum#at first i wanted to make them goldfish but why not go with something more creative#in this au the tablet malfunctioned or something and they (along with some other exhibits) turned into mermaids/mermen/merpeople#fanart#art#traditional art#anonymous#ask#answered#btw small round tanks like this are not actually good for fish#maybe I'll make octavius an octopus actually#gaius octavius#jedediah smith
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Preston going to work everyday with his ex literally being his boss, thinking how stupid and pathetic he used to hope his relationship with Jesse would “last forever” when he was 21 years old:
Context in tags ig
#context for my delusions:#slasher#slashers#chromeskull#laid to rest#jesse cromeans#preston laid to rest#Preston#Preston and Jesse used to be friends with benefits#they lived together and had their moments but their relationship was never stated as romantic nor were they considered dating.#Jesse wanted it to be physical. Preston wanted more and thought Jesse liked him.#Jesse grew jealous of Preston’s achievements somewhere along the way and his big ego turned it into hatred- cue start dating other people#but never mentioned anything to Preston. All the while still sleeps with Preston#Jesse offered Pres to be his second in command bc its another way to control him- Pres accepted but starts to notice the rift between them#Their relationship started to fizzle out- Pres tried to save it. Jesse let’s it happen.#Jesse announced he was getting married. Pres reluctantly accepted defeat. End of relationship.#Preston now stuck in a job that he barely wants-his ex is literally his boss that he still pines for-Jesse ignores their history on purpose#:3#As short as this can be teehee
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i have many many many critiques about wylls story, most of them being about the fact it's just so lackluster in game when compared to other companions which is a shame. because wyll to me is and has the potential to be an even more emotionally compelling companion. and he was early access!! he was so gritty in ea please bring him back larian i beg of thee. the way he was rewritten has stripped him of so much nuance and depth. wyll to me is such a wonderful character to me because of what he represents, which is heroism so down to his core he never gives up on it even when he ought to
his goodwill and nobility are ceaseless. at the center of his story is betrayal trauma, his agency over himself vanished into thin air. mizora turns him into a monster and there is no turning back. he has become the thing he's despised, the things he's hunted for his entire life. and we know so little about that canonically because of the way his story is set up but its hinted time and time again that he struggles with his reality deeply and even that cannot make him turn away from the city he loves so much.
if larian would go back to clean up and fix his story (which im truly praying to god they do) i want them to touch on what wyll must be going through as he continues to try to ground himself and deal with his newfound reality. i want them to touch on the abandonment he experiences because of his father and the inevitable burden his title as blade and hero has on him. because these things obviously compel him, they're hinted at all the time but they were completely stripped of him in final release and its fucking disheartening... larian please im begging you. thats the love of my life. please.
but for now i will do it with fanfiction and gather enough wyll fans to make a fuss about it . peace and love
#aristotle.txt#wyll ravengard#bg3#i love wyll so desperately. which makes sense as a deku lover certainly.#but i love him even more because his story is narratively interesting#here is a classically heroic noble making a devils pact to save his city#who is only rewarded for doing this by being banished from the city hes sworn to protect. by his father no less.#he spends seven years away from home and makes a name for himself as a fucking folk hero#he never returns. he doesn't explain himself. he decides that the least he can do is give his life to the sword coast#and then wyll meets karlach. a devil hes supposed to kill except shes not#and because wyll is wyll and because what matters to him most are his beliefs he is easily convinced to not kill karlach. he doesnt want to#kill karlach. so he doesn't. and he pays the price for it. his entire existence is uprooted and he is turned permanently into a partial#devil#hes become his own prey. he spends the game clearly sorrowful in the mourning process. and the game just refuses to touch on this set up#as a WRITER it boggles my mind why wyll does not get that attention from larian because the concept of a hero balancing the weight of his#own pain and sorrow against his beliefs is moving. being able to open up that path with tav narratively that allows wyll to be#selfish and heartbroken. to not be blade or sword. just wyll. what a beautifully interesting storyline would that have made#i have delusion in my heart. i hope they fix it. i want them to fix it so badly because i fucking adore wyll in every way.#and i want the game to represent who he is as much as i feel for him. he is an origin companion and deserves it.#bg3 spoilers
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such kind of lyrics always make me think of young carlo 😭😭 (this song is so fun but its on ru)
#carlo w a god complex that manifests itself rarely but very vividly is so real to me (as well as carlo w hypomanic episodes)#m2#what if it turns out that im god 😇 so him in my eyes. do you think i give a fuck about these tired old fu--#im trying to focus on other characters bc like i need to write em but this fuckin guy......... never will be normal bout him#UPD WAIT (very delusional stuff that i personally like & don't pretend to be a canon like at all)#another line from this song:#A regular on my back — a “kick me” note; I'll change it to its equivalent — “Crucify me”*#<- this line implies so much complacencies. carlo carlo car-. there's so much pride in it and the song portrays it as a position of strengt#<- carlo balancing (unwillingly. hes cursed (mentally ill)) between delusions of grandeur and a masochistic desire? to fall#bc he feel himself inferior deep inside <- is the catalyst for his ambition#i am god and i need to be destroyed <3#and maybe “the more it hurts the more it's obvious how high up he's gotten”? (i think the same actually. its a projection)#i like to think it's the out-of-control feelings that irritate him (until a state of masochism seems appropriate)#<- the healthy way for him to let it out is through sex but it isn't a cure#(*in rus kick & crucify r very similar in spelling ie пни / распни)#ofc ill never be normal bout carlo. i molded his character to my liking#(i think that there are many things that are objectively absolutely correct & there r things that come from nothing just bc i want. i have#rational critical thinking)
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also just to say I'm probably not going to speculate about much until s3 comes out (could change though, I have a terrible track record when it comes to this), mostly bc I don't have time or energy and bc I saw last time how much speculating can interfere with enjoying the experience of watching a new season and also the number of dumb takes you see from people w zero media literacy but let's not bring that up again
#young royals#young royals s3#young royals season 3#like I'm tired from school and reading theories is fun but we've gotten maybe a minute of footage total from s3 guys#let's not go too overboard#also I will get violent if the delusion and anons arguing about irrelevant shit post-s2 makes a return in march#don't even think about it. we are going to sit down as a fandom and watch the show as the writers intended it to be#and we will have a good time making more post s3 analyses and breakdown posts one last time right??? right???#theorizing and predictions are good and fun! there's nothing wrong with that! god knows I will do some minor speculating in the future!#just DO NOT try to act like you have been in the fucking writers' room :) I think I have enough people blocked for that to stay off my dash#but I know most of my mutuals were here last year and oh my GOD the number of posts#acting like s2 was bad just because they thought their predictions were better or just bc their speculation turned out to be just that#actually painful to scroll through and filter out#anyway enough of my complaining our boys are back :3 I missed my children <33
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hearing pop music on the radio gave me anxiety because it made me feel like i was working at my previous job (meijer) and it occured to me that hmmm maybe the jobs i worked before my current job were not good jobs
#idk if this job is amazing but i can go on my break whenever i want and im not under pressure 24/7 and im not a pillar to be relied on#i guess i was also really psychotic when i was at meijer and idk if it was chicken or the egg#also i think that my spike in psychotic symptoms was just due to stress from other issues i was going through (ocd and my break up)#i have not hallucinated or had delusions (? well i suppose i wouldnt be able to tell bc theyre delusions?) lately at all#and i think its because my overall mental health and routine is much better#and tbh i rarely want to hurt myself or die for like a month now#and i am aware of when my thoughts and actions are an ocd thing rather than thinking its realistic and appropriate#OKAY this tag ramble just turned into a mental health update#yeah ive been good for like a month now i think 👍#so i wish i could go back in time and tell myself like a year ago that yeppp it will become more okay itll just suck for over a year
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i think people's takes on jev being this like thousand year old creatura are fascinating and fit even my interpretation of his character and place in the story (as like. a representation of the setting at large. an archaic force being shoved into a simulation/loop/machine. cosmis horror kinda shit) but i also think it's 1. funnier 2. scarier 3. more emotionally scarring to imagine him as like. a 30, 40, 50 year old man. just a quirky little guy. he had a childhood, maybe he got picked up by seam as an urchin and they were a travelling magic act and clownery and judy n punch duo and they stole apples from the market and he climbed trees w his little paws before someone made him wear shoes. he was a brash teenager and he played the accordion and kept all of his trinkets in a little chest he used to sleep in. seam made his suits, from his own crayon drawings. he was a middle aged man disenchanted with his work and he sought shelter from the boredom in bothering others. and he ran away so many times and he slept outside and he helped seam make their own beer and mead and they still played the accordion and the hurdy-gurdy together. isn't it scarier to make him a normal man? who turns into what we see? doesn't that hurt more doesn't that make his character even deeper. he was just like you and this means That can happen to you too, grounding stuff like that is like one of the basic rules of horror. and then he just goes to jail they straight up lock a mentally ill guy with all those horrors in the basement - not an old-as-time-itself demon, not a savage beast, but. a man. jevil russian sleep experiment au.
again im not calling anyone out its just an interpretation ive NEVER seen anyone else come up with and i genuinely wonder why and if my other jev readings continue to be weird as fuck to other people
#jevil#its kinda like. a reverse dc joker situation. the jerker does get like. INSIDIOUSLY scary and mind-fucky when#you turn him into. i wouldn't say satan himself that takes the edge off. but something completely unknown.#im casually writing a batman script in my own continuity and i could never keep up w All The Lore cuz thats not what batman is abt to me#and i took most of my inspiration from a serious house on serious earth and. those intermission strips in snyder's endgame#where people from an asylum or a nursing home i can't quite remember that had encounters w joker#describe him as all sorts of things but not human. and not in like oh he's a monster but like That Is Not A Homo Sapiens#and they're not listened to because they were all suffering from delusions and hallucinations before that but#yea. i hate jerker origin stories i hate them with my whole entire heart. make him the unknowable. not even a demon not satan#nothing of folklore or religion not even a lovecraftian something-something. just an entity. maybe not even an entity. he's an scp to me#not even a character. just a concept with a design. an apparition made to teach humans a lesson#you dont know how he got here you dont know why you wont ever know when he'll be gone.#give me judge holden but even more amorphous and. not scarring me for life. but u get the idea#im tryyyiinnnggg to write joker like an apparition of a schizo psyche like my dreams.#my favorite song to 'write' j to is freefall by rainbow kitten surprise. and he's just a figment of bruce's imagination here#just a little more tangible. vague and wrong but it's j. probably. and it's bruce's pov. it's a couple lines of dialogue#that's j. jevil is the opposite.
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so I was looking up the tenets for lolth’s paladins and I found this little list. not sure how canon exactly this is but I thought it was interesting -
kind of laughing that shri’iia does the exact opposite in act 1 which leads to her oath breaking. she girlflopped so badly lolth decides to drop her ass then prob hunt her ass down for being an embarrassment and a failure. like girly was not exerting her power at all - it’s her first time in the surface ever and she’s surrounded by people who could literally kill her any given moment (considering all the stories she heard abt how surface dwellers hates drow) not to mention that the tieflings you encounter when you see lae’zel were ready to attack you that just fueled her paranoia. > she was not sowing discord at all she was laying low and keeping her mouth shut …!! she has no allies here! and she doesn’t know where she is! and there’s an illithid tadpole in her head! it would be foolish of her to paint herself as an enemy when she’s already so out of her environment so she keeps her mouth shut … thoughts to herself … bides her time and sees who’s useful to her and who’s not … she can always get rid of the ones that she doesn’t need later but for now she’s seeing what she can work with first …… > have a plan… shri’iia had no plans…. at all. she was following lae’zel around because the crèche was her only lead … but then they mentioned a druid named halsin who’s a very good healer so she turned her objective to that … then a goblin mentions their priestess is a healer too so guess she’s looking for her as well… honestly who thought making the drow who’s never been to the surface and literally does not know where she is or what she's doing the leader of the group a good idea….. in my hc the leader is gale
#but I’m like 🤭🤭🤭 at the idea of shri’iia being considered an embarrassment by Lolth just bc apparently lolth paladins are pretty rare#like she doesn’t give her blessings easily and they mostly go to her clerics but to a paladin … and for someone who’s not noble birth too….#like she had potential ..!! she was mentored by a matriarch of a noble house ..!! but then she flopped soo badly 😭😭#and I hc mid/the end of act 1 she still hasn’t accepted that she’s an oathbreaker and she’s still delusional thinking that she can get#lolth’s favour again it’s like no 💗 girly. she hates your ass 💓 if you ever return to menzoberranzan she’ll turn you into a drider probably#and it’s only in act 2 where she accepts that she is an Oathbreaker. and she does Not need Lolth. and Lolth doesn’t deserve her (delusion)#but I love that idea for her bc she was So proud of herself … and she devoted herself to her goddess to the point that her sense of self is#essentially Gone.. but then she gets rejected. so now the thing she’s most proud of is taken away from her#by HER own actions no less .. like she can’t blame anyone bc it’s her own fault ..!! and that’s what stings more ..!!!!! she’s the one who#fumbled the bag … so it’s like where do u go when the very thing you dedicated your whole life to rejected you#and you’re so far away from home. and you CAN’T even go back home.. where do you go. no choice but to keep going….#then she eventually accepts the role as an oath breaker bc it's the only thing she has left. her oath no longer binds her ; every choice#she makes is hers and hers alone.. which is so ..!! girls when you're faced to reclaim your own agency or else you'll fall into the void#you're left with ...!!!!!!! also it is so perfect bc the oathbreaker dialogues are all abt freedom and agency of self.#being free from dogma and making your own decisions! and you also want others to be free too …#and the fact that the oath breaker knight helps you make that decision I hc she becomes similar to him as well#where if someone chooses they want to be free she will help them … but it has to be their own choice …#which ties in perfectly with the act 2 and 3 quests esp for the companions .. all abt making ur own decisions …#so the leadership role goes from gale then to her …#should be heading to bed bc I have an early start tomorrow but hrk head filled w thoughts of my oc...#but act 1 shri'iia is essentially her getting such a bad grade at being Lolth-Sworn Drow that lolth disowns her 😭#im so ill at the thought of her not being able to return to menzo tho ... i dont think the underdark is safe for her either like she should#b getting hunted like sport .... maybe thats why she released the vampire spawns down there lol#like <3 revenge. everyone loves revenge especially an ex oath of vengeance girly <3
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I think most people have some form of mental issues and we need to accept that not in the stupid dismissive “so buck up already!!” way but instead in the “so please stop talking about people with psychotic spectrum disorders and/or personality disorders like they are possessed by demons” way
#This includes people with like NPD ASPD and shit#Nobody is inherently fucked up because of their diagnosis even ignoring that diangoses are like#inexact shit made by people making a best guess based on like the kinds of symptoms you have and not like#set in stone shit that defines you#like a SHRED of fucking solidarity please#instead of everybody turning on each other like well my high empathy is better and more moral then your low empathy#or my lack of delusions and hallucinations makes me better then you because youre more prone to stuff like that#anyway.
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your blade actor!au ...... you're so big-brained for that one........ ohhhh my gears are GEARING thank you for another hyperfixation i will never recover from this if ever you're going to write it (no pressure btw! take your time 😊)
nonnie…
it would be criminal if i didnt write it at this point 😭
#omg a convo !?#nonnies !!#sophie talks : roll the cameras!#it now has an official name mweheheh#IM HAPPY TO KICKSTART A NEW HYPERFIXATION THO TEEHEE >:]#blade is very movie-slash-tv-drama male lead coded in my head and i need a release#and so i turn to fanfics 🐥#i will now project all my delusions once more into this fic 🧎♀️#pls ignore my format this is just so i have the spaces 😭#but i could defo see myself writing a solo fic for blade thats just. actor!au. so much potential… so much tension… uurrgrhhrud
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idk what to do about the 4s man. They're either really whiny manipulators and groomers (4 -> 2) or they are bona fide psychopaths (4 -> 1 false security) or they are an ungodly combination of both.
In fiction I've seen good examples of 4s but in reality I struggle not to blame them for all the world's problems. There are reasons.
#Don't make me say it don't make me say it#ISRAEL is what happens when people lose touch with holy origin#On top of this I've just never met a 4 who didn't turn out to be a horrible person#Totally self absorbed fake deep turning everyone they claim to love into a degrading caricature#Controlling the identities of everyone close to them and seeing it as betrayal if you don't let them be dictators of who you are#And/or if you don't feed their first world navel gazing delusions. About how they're trans or non binary or how they have superpowers#All of this Whilst playing the victim of the world#My friend suggested once that the purpose of 4s is to create suffering in this realm and teach us all what suffering is#Couldn't agree more lol. Enneatypes are all a construct of the matrix anyways#And the whole reason this matrix exists is so we can learn what suffering in a predator / prey world is#So there has to be 4s#I mean I can see the evil of all types but none are quite as cancerous and malignant 4#Another thing I notice with 4s is their brand of evil is particularly about worshipping the matrix#Like... theirs is the evil that makes you identify with the roles you are playing in the simulation as if it's your true self#They all get so triggered by real spiritualism which sees infinite possibilities for who you could be (as opposed to seeing fate / destiny)#Real spiritualism sees that all is one and we are everything all at once and our current identity is just a costume we're wearing#They dismiss that reality as stupid 7 talk#All is one is also 9 talk... 9s who they worship their broken ideal of... But anyways#The need to believe one has a fixed rigid identity they can never change is most intense in 4s#There is a real resistance of anything which may transform them#Because to 4s a transformation is seen as a betrayal of my True Self tm#Which the 4 doesn't realize isn't a true self... It's an artificial self-image you've constructed and trapped urself in#I'm keen to meet good 4s but I still believe there is something specially worse about 4 evil compared to everyone else's evil#Hey you guys got what you wanted you really are special#Anyways I do believe we have something innately unique about us on a spirit / soul level. and seeking what that is is important#But no 4 I've ever met is close to capturing what that is#They're too caught up in shallow worldly indicators of identity. They are always mistaking our worldly costumes for our essence.#Then strutting around like geniuses who are more enlightened than everyone. It's quite disgusting
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Possibly if i am this often "at my limit" it is not in fact a limit at all and i need to come up with a new word for it.
#it *is* a state i find intolerable and will begin acting in unusual and destructive ways (both self and outwardly! love it!) to get away#from though. so maybe not#honestly i might just be tired and dehydrated but it's also probably because i was without my fucking hormones for like a month and i always#seem to turn temporarily incapable of tolerating even the most minor distrsss#when it's been more than two weeks off#at least i'm not convinced everyone around me is conspiring against me right now. last time i missed my hormones for too long i convinced#myself my dad was working against me and i had to kill him or leave forever and my friend had to be like red. that is crazy people talk. fo#you fucking hear yourself. before I was even like hmmmm this seems out of character for my dad and kind of paranoid of me. known paranoid#delusion haver.#at the moment i just really badly want to try like acid or something just to see what'll happen. nothing good but that's still a success#state for me#you can ask about this if you want but bear in mind that if you say something really stupid i am in fact going to say you're being stupid
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bought a leafs jersey... game over for me
#i think i should be stopped.#first merch purchase and its gonna be an authenticidhdjdjdj jershehshd#i have NO control#its two am delusions#hope the sizing is right NDNNSMSKD#drew house collab jersey too beautiful to resist i need to own it#cant believe i turned into a sports girlie like this...#they raise my credit limit and i act like im a god suddenly LMFAO#anwyay#shouting to the void#hope everyone reading this has a good night goodbehdjkd#be more responsible than me 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡
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