#delusion haver.

[bitegore]

Possibly if i am this often "at my limit" it is not in fact a limit at all and i need to come up with a new word for it.

[moticoyote]

"oh you're bipolar 🥺 thats so scary" my guy you are a grown ass man with a degree

[spoonbenders-archive]

sorry this is such a funny tweet to me . Do they know.

[erotomanicpixiedreamgirl]

had a lovely dream last night where i miscarried [redacted]’s baby. Ok

[girlbr0thers]

where's the video of the maya the psychic intro where they're like it's so much more common than you think. i mean they burned joan of arc for it but.

[19calicos]

i know where to look — kuroo tetsurō ˎˊ˗

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ✴︎ to be loved is to be known. ⋆⋆⋆

— on kuroo’s 2am walk home from a late night study session, yn and their skateboard crash right into his head heart.

status: in progress!

content: university au, meet-hurt LMFAOOO, slowburn, toothrotting fluff, some angst, gn skater! yn with they/them prns, whipped lovesick dork! kuroo, ooc writing sorry, ignore time stamps, this fic is self indulgent

warnings: language, bad grammar, injuries from skating, ooc writing sorry, weed + cigs + alc, self sabotage, descriptions of social anxiety, overthinking, usage of kms and kys, trust issues, yn's parents divorcing is mentioned, yn is so avoidant and in denial im sorry

tags are added as story progresses, please check individual chapters for cw.

disclaimer lol i’m not a fan of tv girl at all sorry but just hearing the “you know where to find me and i know where to look” snippet is so soft and sweet to me cuz to be loved is to be known (ty twitter) so here i am w this kuroo smau 🗣️

( 𖦹 ) denotes written content!

the cast: skater cat fan club + stupid bitch syndrome havers

table of contents:

1 ⊹ call an ambulance! ( 𖦹 )

2 ⊹ build something up

3 ⊹ literally everywhere…

4 ⊹ a cat named ube ( 𖦹 )

5 ⊹ helmet hair

6 ⊹ clocked

7 ⊹ tech deck master

8 ⊹ shadow the hedgehog

9 ⊹ happy community day! ( 𖦹 )

10 ⊹ exposure therapy + delusion

11 ⊹ a hundred not-dates ( 𖦹 )

12 ⊹ who wont slime

13 ⊹ on the kitchen floor ( 𖦹 )

14 ⊹ (it was tails)

15 ⊹ so in hindsight

16 ⊹ under familiar lights ( 𖦹 )

17 ⊹ tba

taglist: closed! (50/50)

extra: moodboard | everyone’s decks | yn style guide

[growling]

*average self-proclaimed safe space tumblr blog voice* I soooooo support people with schizophrenia that must be so hard to you anyway I just saw some weird looking woman talking to herself right outside my house im fearing for my life should I call the cops. Yeah dude I support all the adhd havers in the chat just try to pay attention when I talk to you it's not that hard it's like the least you could do to show some regard for the other human being in front of you. Like it's fine to have memory problems but why did you forget this one thing in particular that was important to me do you like not care or anything you should try harder. I am one of the only real mental health advocates to still exist in this world I hear your struggles that being said I hope I never get to meet one of those irl sociopaths or people with aspd whatever they call them now they're so freaky and they can blend into society so well you might never know if you're actually face to face with an actual socio i mean person with aspd in the store absolutely one of my biggest fears what if they torture me in their basement. I absolutely empathize with all the people in here suffering from delusions as long as they like, don't actually show it or have one concerning me that'd be highkey uncomfy leave me out of this dude im not talking to you until you get help, anyway my fav character from my anime just presumably died but i still think they actually survived im sooo delulu lol. We should push for more wheelchair accessibility in our cities I agree but like it's so difficult to tell how many people are actually disabled and who are actually faking it, like, ummm why did that "wheelchair" "user" guy stand up just now cover blown lmaoo…. Yeah I support people with facial differences but I still have a right to be disgusted you can't control my emotions anyway can you tag your selfies as #body horror this deeply triggering to me. Speaking of triggering can you also pleaseee hide your scars or at least warn us beforehand jesus do you know how many people genuinely do not want to see it. Here is my extremely fast strobing lights and flashing gifset #epilepsy. Yeah I loveee girls with bpd beautiful princess disorder am i right they're so interesting the stigma sucksssss i'd love to get to be one's favourite person as long as they don't actually have any of those weird or violent symptoms or don't go into any of their "episodes" near me like that's a bit dramatic….. I deeply feel for those who had underwent narcissistic abuse from the hands of an npd I think my shitty ex boyfriend was a narcissist too tbh #surviving narcissism here are 10 signs you are dealing with a narcissist and here's a tutorial on how to trigger a narc crash to epically own them anyway does anyone else think we should start enforcing mandatory castration of all the newly diagnosed narcs like you know what happens when they reproduce right. But I am willing to support them as long as they go to therapy to get that fixed it's just you know. Anyway sometimes hospitalisation is fine if they're genuinely a danger to themselves like what do you want them to go live on the streets or actually get help?? I support all the people dealing with being a professionally diagnosed disordered system and I think it's sooooo terrible how literally 99% of the youth population nowadays is purposefully faking it for attention I did my research (1 minute google search, 2 minute r/fakedisordercringe scrolling session and consulting a single system that agrees with me). It's just not believable to me that there's really that many people with it isn't it supposed to be rare… Also are we really sure all those alleged people in their heads are really real or just their imagination maybe all of them are actually faking it huh food for thought. I am very uncomfortable with nonverbal high support needs ppl actually having sex like consent is supposed to be explicitly verbal only and, are we really sure they can even consent arent they like basically children. You can't call me ableist I'm literally autistic

[randomtheidiot]

I have a theory that radfem/TERF ideology is an unhealthy coping mechanism and the result of mentally unstable and unhealthy women participating in a sort of “mass delusion” that everyone with a penis is out to get them, there’s evil people who are trying to disguise themselves as vagina-havers and they’re the only sane ones in a world gone mad.

Kind of like when a group therapy circle derails if you introduce a guy who needs actual serious care and the group therapist has no idea what to do about it. A bunch of scared women all got convinced of the same delusion because someone who needed serious psychiatric care either didn’t get it or refused to get it.

Don’t try to give these people therapy, you’re not a therapist and it’s not your obligation to help them if they don’t want to help themselves. Just try to prevent the paranoia from spreading to young people.

[bambi-kinos]

I wonder what you think of if think they ever saw themselves together as (secret) gay couple, like marrige,boyfriends or was it more like "we are friends and song writing partners" that happend to do more "drunk things together" and that's what messed it up in the end, or do you think it was a pulling-pushing type of relationship? like did they break it up more than one time, all the time and the final drop was India?

Sorry for bad English!

John and Paul have a few things going for them and against them with regards to their perception of their relationship:

Pretty much any sexual activity between men was permitted without it being "gay" or "queer" or anything like that so long as the men involved didn't admit that they were gay. I guess kissing and penetration is what makes sex acts gay or queer to the early 20th century guy who was jerking off with his mate in the back of a car or whatever. Since this was just "getting off" and it was kept far away from their wives and families, it didn't count as gay. This means John and Paul grew up at a time where it wasn't considered particularly bad to get off with your mate, do frotting and handjobs/blowjobs, whatever. It definitely wasn't something that you talked about openly (that's indecent) but it didn't make you a gay guy either. Even now in TYOOL 2024 men are weird about this and insist that getting aroused and climaxing with other men is not sexual at all and definitely not gay. That means that John and Paul had a large, large gamut to run without ever having to call themselves gay. My opinion is that they did not call themselves gay or queer, or acknowledge that side of themselves for the beginning stages of their friendship. I think Paul has always had some inkling or self knowledge but honestly, from 15-18 years old that doesn't mean much lmao. I don't think John figured himself out for a longer period of time because he already had so much stress heaped on his plate, there was no need for him to add concerns about his sexuality onto them. If John and Paul were doing anything "extra" in addition to the group wanks at this early stage then they just tossed it all under the "boys will be boys" column. And if everything stayed that way then nothing else would have happened.

Then they go to Hamburg. It's a brand new continent and a brand new world. This is where they see crazy ass sex stuff and more importantly, they encounter men and women who don't wrap delusions around their sexual activity. This is where they met gay men, lesbians, transgender people, cross dressers, etc. We can't know what it was really like but the point is that Hamburg was a huge turning point for them and it turned John and Paul from simple provincials into much more sophisticated sex havers. John got off with crossdressers and kissed other men on the mouth; Paul found a boytoy and comforted himself with his presence when John-and-Stu became too difficult to bear. I doubt they considered themselves gay at this stage but their minds were broadened in a big way. They were exposed to different lifestyles and mindsets. And they had to learn fast and get used to it because their livelihoods depended on that.

After this, things become more slippery slidey. They could very well have gone on this way forever, doing gay sex stuff and refusing to call themselves gay. Except then Paris happened and neither of them forgot it. It never left their heads. Something happened there that we don't know about that, memories that they cherish. Who did John give a pearl necklace to considering there's no mention of him and Paul hooking up with ladies on this trip? Why did John hold on to the memory of couples tenderly kissing each other for so long? Why did John and Paul come back exploding with life and energy? It's almost as if something happened where they convinced each other that they were a sure thing, that they could depend on the other one no matter what. That there was something else for them that wasn't just being mates or being part of a band. And the rest, as they say, is history.

They didn't understand what they were to each other for a long time but that's because they were teenagers. It was a genuine friendship that they built in the beginning which honestly? I'm really glad that they had that. I also think that it's exactly this which lead to their relationship lasting for so long.

Like, John's problem was that he jumped into relationships and intimacy too quickly and it inevitably blew up in his face somehow. Paul's problem is that he's too cautious and he holds everyone at arms length. But by having a concrete friendship to build off of that they grew over time and through ups and downs, they ended up becoming each other's steady. It gave them stability and a deeper relationship that they never really managed with other people. That means that, for a long time, John and Paul would call themselves "mates" and it would be completely accurate. It wasn't until much later that the sex stuff started and then when it did, they still had the strength of that initial friendship to rely on.

When it comes to the "push/pull" dynamic you mentioned, they did have their ups and downs where they got used to "crisis moments" to pull them back together after being emotionally distant from each other (and I do have thoughts about that). But I don't think they went through a series of break ups and "we're back together" moments. I think that their relationship simply strained and strained and strained until it finally snapped under the weight of everything they couldn't bring themselves to say. I don't think they suffered any serious moments of breaking up once they put 1960 Hamburg behind them.

There are lots of people who think that John and Paul never figured out their mutual attraction due to their upbringing and while this is a possibility I do not think this is true at all. John Lennon and Paul McCartney are the most revolutionary minds of the 20th century, I don't believe for a second that they were just sitting there and didn't understand what was happening to them. I absolutely think that they figured out that they were queer and in love with each other. Maybe it was in 1961, maybe it was in 1967, but they did eventually figure it out.

The problem for John and Paul is that this revelation did not make their lives better and freer. It arguably made their lives much worse. I don't know if they could even consider the possibility of being together in some capacity because of the sheer virulence against homosexuality in the 1960s and that they were both raised to think that it was moral depravity. We can see that this provided roadblocks for both of them: John and Paul had to get wasted in Key West to simply say the words "I love you."

On the third hand, they did have examples of homosexual men like Victor Spinetti, who was apparently in a committed relationship with another man, to look at. Once they got to know Brian, they were introduced to the world of gay men, not all of whom were married to women. This once again broadened their minds and they had the revelation that you could just go off with another man and be his steady.

John and Paul would probably have liked it very much if they could be a couple together with their version of fidelity in the works. I doubt they would have made a legal commitment to each other in the form of marriage (their business relationship was certainly much closer than trivial marriage documents) but they would have liked being romantic partners. The roadblocks to this were 1) John's son Julian 2) their status as public figures 3) their upbringing telling them that this was wrong.

I have no doubt that John revealed something to Paul in India, more than his 🎤. As one of those revolutionary minds of the 20th century, John may have offered something similar to the above paragraph to Paul, hoping that if he presented it all of a piece then Paul would have to answer sincerely, from the heart. After all, John could be sure that Paul loved him, right?

Well. We know what happened after that.

[jonahmagnus]

Im not done with this actually. Me? You say this to me? The #1 girlzuku & butchugo delusion haver? You don't even know the worlds I have created in my head about them. Im silent about 'em mostly because I dgaf That Much but hooly shit dude. Those two could have been the two most attractive women in the world and I would still not ship them. Never in a million billion years. Bakugo gets gender envy from Rodrick Heffley and you KNOW this you know this in your soul.

#8 on violence game !!

Bakugo and Izuku are LITERALLY siblings okay. Their siblings coded. No- no, I dont wanna fucking hear it, I may not have read the series in a couple years but I can RECOGNIZE some Rodrick Heffly ass behavior from a mile away, okay ? I can see it I can sense it I can smell it. Sorce? Only a butch older sibling would wear a skull shirt like Katsuki does. Thank you, and thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[k9emote]

hello, i dont know what a wormy is, so incredibly sorry if its code for dont use this or something, /gen

i wanted to say this on here since im incredibly shy on discord and barely have access to it much, Your emotes, staff, and whole community you’ve built has genuinely got to be one of the most mentally relaxing things ive ever discovered. Although im very new to the server, and i mostly lurk, within a good 5 minutes something someone says makes me chuckle. Its so fun and nice to talk there, and i dont ever feel judged. the happiness i felt when i saw NPD,BPD, CLUSTERB, n other stuff being highlighted and shown as emojis or just talked about in a non dehumanizing way shocked me? I have no real access to people due to my disabilities and lack of being able to leave my home, so i spent alot of my time hopping through syscord servers, and this is the first one ive actually ever felt represented in. I dont think ive ever actually met other intersex people but i do see them talk in the disability-folks and hearing people speak about things i can actually relate to and agree with makes my heart jump. I remember a staff of yours telling me smth along the lines of “fuck them” in regards of me telling them about my experience with people who treat me like they have to walk on eggshells around me just because i have NPD, and it genuinely gave me the confidence i needed to not be so ashamed of my disorder, hence then I’ve actually found myself enjoying researching about my disorders and others i might have misconceptions about.

Thank you K9 for giving us emojis and emotes

Thank you staff for looking out for us and aid in making the server a safeplace

and shout out to all my NPD havers, were awesome 🫶🫶

Sincerely, Vixen

Hi op this made me cry We strive to be a safe place for people like us, disordered, delusion-experiencing, dissociative, everything white mom Facebook usually hates HAHA Your kindness is so refreshing to see from the normal Tumblr drama and I hope you know we appreciate our community as much as you do. Our server is the only discord server we really talk in honestly, so many of our members are so sweet and understanding, it's a lovely place to be (not to toot my own horn) Thank you for being a part of my community :) People like you are who we made it for <3 Be safe !!! If anyone wants to join, link is here

[furinafontaine]

“dululu” being considered for word of the year should give me and other actual delusion havers a legal right to kill someone i think

[dyke-husband]

If you include penis havers in your lesbianism you don't deserve to call yourself a butch lol no amount of delusion will make a male a lesbian. You are a insult to actual lesbians (female homosexuals)

Dear anonymous transphobe,

Your note has been sitting in my inbox for a while, I’ve been trying to find something snarky, or clever to reply. But what I’ve really wanted to say is that we cannot separate gender transgression from lesbian lives/bodies/experiences. And that there will always be parallels between Butch folk’s experiences and those of trans women and transfems. We know the looks in the bathrooms, the multiplying and ever changing reasons we aren’t “real women”, and the historical and contemporary expulsion from womanhood and lesbianism. While I will never fully be able to grasp the weight of living as a trans woman in this world, I do believe that my experiences as a butch have allowed me to grow in my understanding of transmisogyny in some ways. If you’re going to say I’m an insult to “actual” Lesbians, please leave my transfem siblings, friends, and lovers out of it. I promise I’m genderfucked enough to sustain your need for identity policing.

[glowinggreeneyes-e]

Under the Mistletoe (this definitely happened, I was there)

After turning out the final lamp in the Hall, the Captain journeyed back to meet Havers in the kitchen. It seemed as though the Lieutenant was going to meet him in the foyer, which was how their bodies came to gently run into each other.

“Oh, sorry-” he muttered, hands flying to hold Havers’ shoulders as though it would soften their collision.

“Sorry-” Havers said simultaneously; his apology was mismatched by his light grasp on his CO’s buttoned chest. They swayed for a moment, both visually acknowledging the flora above them. “It seems we’ve taken in enough drinks for the whole unit.”

“Yes. Unfortunately. I’ve already indulged your curiosity too much and now we can barely walk about without causing trouble,” he said, perhaps stupidly, with a slur and a smirk. And then, losing the battle of another internal conundrum, he said something worse: lowly and misarticulated, “if you were a woman, I would have liked to kiss you right now.”

An immense pang of regret rang through his ribs as soon as he knew what he had said, which took a few seconds. In that time, Havers had stepped back to physically part them. Panic rose in the Captain. Had he been a maudlin, conceited fool and flown like Icarus? Had the ice-cold of reality been melted by his cosy, fiery fantasies of their relationship, or had that flame been extinguished in one fell misstep?

He prepared his lungs to ramble an apology, to excuse himself from Button House and Havers’ life forever, only to be stopped by the sarcastic smile and rolling eyes of his friend.

“You do intrigue me, sir. Often.” He smoothed out where his hands had held his Captain’s jacket. The CO felt it through the layers of fabric, reaching out to something deeper so that it would emerge. His heart fluttered, but it fluttered closed, unsure of the ambiguous nature of Havers’ expressions. “But you tease your true self just as frequently.”

“I’d prefer to keep it-keep it hidden.”

“As you wish. But do not blame me when I ask more of you.”

“I will not.” The Captain ducked his head and shook it, squinting at the ground as if to inspect the space between them. He then reached into the kitchen to extinguish the last light, distancing himself from the man that made him unguarded, more than the alcohol, more than the fatigue. “We should… Go. To, uh, our rooms.”

A flash of disappointment rippled across the Lieutenant’s expression, though the Captain could only dismiss it as a delusion or mistake on his part. Still, caught in the moment, locking eyes, he almost convinced himself to collide under the mistletoe again.

“Yes, sir. Goodnight.”

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

ableist creators: not an ableist comment towards people with NPD specifically, but as a delusion-having girlie with NPD i feel like i just have to share this for my fellow delusion havers: the youtuber crescent shay (videos focus on making outfits and similar stuff) uses the word "delulu" :(

in her latest video ("i silk painted an entire dress") she states (in text) "a little delulu here, what do you mean "pretty good"??" in response to her expressing being proud of her test painting in the footage being shown. which uhhhhh... yeah. i don't want to cancel her or shit, but i don't trust anyone who uses the word "delulu" considering 90% of the time they're the same people who'll turn around to my delusions and call me insane for it. either way, it's fucking ableist to be involved in twisting the word delusion(al) like that considering it's really all we have

stop fucking stealing actual words used by people with mental health issues, cutey-fying them and removing all actual meaning from the term, and then leaving us with no actual words for our experiences than incredibly ableist ones holy shit these guys are all the fucking same

^

[thelesbianpoirot]

I was really happy with Inquisition having gay companions and I do attribute that in large part to having a gay lead writer (who wrote the first two games as well but as far as I understand was only allowed to go so far with gay rep at that time hence the lack of gay companions till Inquisition). Let's just say I was not surprised that now that the lead writer is pan and that the game director identifies as a trans woman, homosexual romances would be considered problematic.

Maybe it's for the best though, cause this time around you'll be able to pick pronouns and play as trans and non-binary and I really wouldn't have wanted to see a "lesbian" character be romanced by a penis haver.

I'd fucking rage. Inquisition is my fucking baby! Sera meant the world to me. She was this brash outspoken lesbian who sometimes pisses people off because she will not sugar coat, lie or play into anyone's delusions. I even enjoyed Dorian's storyline which was about his father wanting him to go through gay conversion of sorts and marry a woman. Gay selectively romanceable characters are actually revolutionary. I do remember going on youtube to see people mod over the games to romance sera as a man or dorian as a woman, and I was so pissed, it felt like a violation, I couldn't understand until I because wear of the modern homophobia. Wait Bioware games let you play as trans? Why is that even a feature? You can play as any sex you want! No one stops a man from playing a female oc. Why would you choose to be trans? You see, I'm different, I just played as male characters. I would never play as a woman pretending to be male. This was always a big difference with me when I identified as a trans, I wanted to be male, a real male, while these people were fine with being the imitation. Dick havers being considered lesbian is why I never played that cyberpunk game, I heard it was ass.